#i am not talking about all pansexuals. i know there are those who identify with the term and arent biphobic

[puppysdog]

i do wish there was a way i could talk about how i cant trust anyone using the pan label due to the years of transphobic bullshit i got from that side as a bisexual, and how its so normalized and modernized to say pan instead of bi now, especially by big name companies and celebrities, that the transphobia is making a come back because we never were fully able to address the issues with the online resurgence origin of pansexual without being called mean transphobic bisexuals. like it’s heartbreaking and infuriating that these should be my queer siblings but instead i get told that im transphobic for being bi, something thats both my gender AND sexuality, because a more “inclusive” term came around, despite the fact that bisexuality has always been inclusive. I WANT to be in solidarity but how am i supposed to do shit when some 18 year old thinks theyre higher and mightier and the top of the inclusivity chain for using a different label and erasing years upon years of queer history for bisexuals

[wisefoxluminary]

Weird Barbie (Kate McKinnon) headcanons

After the patriarchy era, Weird Barbie is a welcome guest into Barbieland. She is the one person any Barbie or Ken go to if they have an existential crisis or need words of advice.

Weird Barbie has a secret - she used to have a identical twin sister named Musician Barbie. She and her sister used to attend band class together. They had dreams of becoming famous musical artists who got to perform to worlds in the great beyond. But Weird Barbie was played with for too long and as a result, became broken beyond repair. This caused a massive strain to their relationship as Musician Barbie was disgusted by her new appearance and abandoned her in favour of pursuing her own musical career.

Weird Barbie became an outcast. She relied on humour and her snarky tongue to keep her sanity alive. Due to being played with for too long, Weird Barbie can see into the universe and focuses most of her energy on observing humanity. This helps her identify if there is a crack between Barbieland and the Real World that is keeping the worlds butting heads. This makes her a very wise figure in Barbieland.

Weird Barbie has no filter and follows the beat of her own drum. She doesn't care about what other people think of her and embraces her differences as a part of her.

She has a flute secretly stashed away in her house that she plays with in the mornings to prepare herself for the rest of the day. Weird Barbie has an exquisite skill with the instrument, but she knows those days of success are way behind her now.

Her house is used as a sanctuary where all of the discontinued dolls can find a place of belonging and refuge. She considers them her family, especially Allan, who reminds her of a little brother.

She is bisexual, as she tends to playfully flirt with both female and male dolls.

She is a member of the Barbie supreme court as she votes on significant topics like equality for all discontinued dolls.

Everyone asks for Weird Barbie's help when Ken is struggling from depression as she drags him along to therapy sessions at her house. Weird Barbie becomes a vital mentor figure in Ken's life as she inspires him to find happiness in himself and self worth without Barbie.

She serves as a therapeutic figure for Ken and Allan as they vent all of her problems to her. She is the best one for giving advice.

Weird Barbie is a bit of a matchmaker when it comes to others finding love in Barbieland. She offers Allan advice when he talks about his crush on Ken or when Ken is discovering his pansexuality. She sets up the date between them that begins their romantic relationship.

She invites Ken into the discontinued doll family as he is welcomed in with open arms. Weird Barbie loves Ken like a brother and is a champion for Ken and Allan's relationship.

She used to have a obsessive crush on Ken, but has since grown out of it as she saw how much of a better person he became. He would never see her that way and she is very accepting of that.

She is the one who created the I Am Kenough hoodie and gave it to Ken as a healing gift after the fallout of the patriarchy era and being rejected by Barbie. Other Kens ask her to give them their own jumpers as they are jealous of Stereotypical Ken having one and want to know how to make one of their own. But Weird Barbie refuses to reveal the details as she isn't one to spill secrets 😏. The jumper is for Ken and Ken only.

Weird Barbie's owner is actually Gloria as she was the one as a kid, who turned her into the messed up doll she is today. This is why she was able to see her as the catalyst of Barbie's existential crisis because she was once her doll. That's why Gloria recognised her when she first went to Barbieland.

Weird Barbie may seem like a weirdo outcast, but she is a wise and fun figure who doesn't take shit from anyone. She knows more about the Barbies and Kens and the world they live in than they do themselves and offers to give them guidance. She serves as the local therapist for everyone in Barbieland. She moves at the beat of her own drum and she doesn't let the tragedy of her past get to her. She finds belonging in her eccentric yet unloved discontinued doll family and she doesn't think she'll be the person she is without them. She'll always be there to help those in need because in Weird Barbie's world, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

[moodr1ng]

(making my own post after being in someones replies again lol) i do think there was kind of a Moment on tumblr in i wanna say circa 2019-2021 where a lot of the accumulated biphobia that was present in the lgbt community at large and in particular on tumblr sort of blew up into a number of bi bloggers starting to talk a lot more on the subject and make a lot of posts explaining the material consequences of biphobia, the lack of support bisexuals have always gotten from the rest of the community, the specific biphobic opinions/takes that are popular both offline and in online communities, and also a lot of conversations about bisexuality, what its like to be bisexual, what it means to us, a ton of education on bisexual history, a lot of trans and nonbinary bisexuals talking about how bisexuality interacts w our genders, etc. at the time and being involved in all of this tangentially it felt a bit like a sort of tumblr bisexual renaissance where the pot finally boiled over and a ton of us started to be really loud and in your face about bisexuality and biphobia. i think this was a major reason for why a lot of takes that had previously been very widespread and either accepted or at least treated as debatable (thinking about butch/femme discourse for example) got rolled back and a lot of people who had been very casually biphobic all over the place suddenly changed their tune, switched their public opinions, and started sharing a lot more of support for bisexuals (though, tbh, i dont think i have seen literally one apology for past biphobia).

i do think there was some discourse that went a bit too far and ended up counterproductive (ive personally rolled back a lot of my past anger about the pansexuality vs bisexuality shit into a view that i think is a lot more charitable and community-oriented), but overall bisexuals on here did a lot of work to get heard, get understood, and get some much-needed support by the rest of the lgbt community, and there were also a lot of behind the scenes conversations where bi people created spaces like very active discord servers where bisexuality was explored in-depth among bisexuals, which tbh i largely credit for me being able to comfortably identify as bigender.

but, well, this Moment of bisexuals being loud and proud about bisexuality and refusing to continue to tolerate biphobia was met with, like, extremely caustic and vicious backlash which has led SO many bi bloggers who i followed, knew, was in servers and dms with, was/am friends with etc to either quit tumblr or move to new blogs where they only keep around vetted people and no longer widely engage w the topic of biphobia. my alter ran one of those blogs which i dont think could have really been qualified as popular, but which had a ton of constant interaction and some really big posts, all of which led to daily biphobic harassment as well as scrutiny of every other part of his identity and repeated cruelty about things that it was incredibly inappropriate for people to attack him on - some of you who followed him will recall the repeated attacks and accusations of ableism for his 'weird' typing style, despite a disclaimer on his blog that he types like this bc of autism+adhd+did, as well as a lot of vitriol and aggression which i think was at least partially racially motivated. like, im not even willing to disclose the url or his name here because im STILL paranoid about getting harassed years after he deactivated, which, like many others i know, he did because the constant biphobia was so bad for his mental health that the blog even just continuing to exist was not sustainable.

im not sure to what degree the conversations that were started on here during this time are continuing - im not seeing much of it anymore, but then again maybe im just not following the people having them - but it certainly feels like that Moment has died down now, though i certainly still feel the aftereffects in how a lot of people have changed their stances on bisexuality. it does feel like an acute loss still that so many bi people were effectively shut down and harassed off tumblr or into silence and reclusiveness by the backlash to bisexuals speaking out (and this especially imo affected bisexuals of color, especially black bisexuals, as per usual on tumblr). i miss the posts i would get to read daily as well as the very active discord servers and other conversations i got to be privy to at the time. i think this, as much as the discussions on biphobia themselves, rendered very explicit the degree of biphobia thats present within the lgbt community. as soon as a number of bisexuals got fed up with it and started to talk about it openly, the open and unashamed biphobia also ramped up.

ig the thing im stuck on is - were not talking about it as much, but all the people who dedicated themselves to harassing bisexuals into silence for years are still here. some stances have been changed and a lot of performative "we love bisexuals!" posts got shared but ultimately the work is still cut out for us going forward. however, i dont think i or my alter will be doing any of that work on tumblr in the future. the focus will have to be on real-life community to spare ourselves the backlash that comes from speaking about this on here.

idk, not sure how to end this whole tirade. i just happened to be thinking about all this earlier today and a mutual brought it up again just now so its on my mind. i do still miss that sense of heightened bisexual community that came from all of this. i personally not only was able to re-identify as bisexual after identifying as gay for a few years bc these conversations led me to reevaluate my sexuality in a more accepting light, but also i unlearned a ton of internalized biphobia which i had not only tolerated but often strongly believed myself, usually with a sort of self-flagellating notion of "i have to bow down to the rest of the community and accept that my opinion is inherently lesser because bisexuality is an inferior sexuality" which i only stopped believing after being in these bisexual communities. ig i just have to be content with the circle of bi friends ive built both online and offline and what benefits ive gained from these discussions.

[clownrecess]

I want to talk about my identity as a queer person, because it is a lot more complex than what I usually present it as.

On a base level, I am a gay trans man. When people in person ask my pronouns I typically give them the answer of Xe/He/They.

However, my identity is so much more complex than that, so I wanted to take the time to talk about it.

Sexuality: I am gay, which in a basic form means that I am a non-woman, who is attracted to other non-women. I identify as a boy, and I am attracted to people who also identify that way, as well as masc leaning nonbinary people. Along with being gay, I am also greysexual, which is an identity on the asexual spectrum.

Gender: I am trans (FTM). This means I was assigned female at birth but am actually a boy. Whilst my gender CAN be dumbed down to just "boy", it is a lot more than that. Imagine a square, and what is inside that square is boy. My gender fully takes up that space, it is fully boy, but then a small bit of my gender overflows out of the square. Typically, this would fall into demiboy, however, I am not a demiboy. The part of my gender that falls outside of boy is so so little, that I don't feel comfortable using the label of demiboy to describe myself. So why is my gender complex then? I am a person that very much believes that gender as most people think of it is a human made concept, and that "true gender" is only experienced by the one experiencing it. My gender, as a boy, feels like a boy in the way that animal bones feel like a boy. My gender, as a boy, feels like a boy in the way that the concept of being dead feels like a boy. My gender, as a boy, feels like a boy in the way that frogs feel like a boy. My gender, as a boy, feels like a boy in the way that You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison by MCR feels like a boy. And more! My gender being a boy has absolutely nothing to do with what society deems a boy. My gender being a boy is ONLY a boy because for me, all of those things feel like a boy, and all of those things feel like me and my gender. I am also autistic, and my autism also wildly changes the way that I experience myself, and of course, part of myself is my gender. Due to this, I also identify as autigender.

But, that still isn't super complex. What I just described is an autistic boy who uses xenogenders, and that IS what I am! However, it is messier than that, because I am in a system (which typically isn't something I talk very much about online, but it is important for this post) and we all experience gender differently. Some of us are nonbinary, some of us are girls, some of us ONLY use xenogenders, and some of us identify in a way that I didn't list off. Some of us use she/her pronouns, some of us use auti/autis pronouns, some of us use he/him pronouns, some of us use they/them pronouns, some of us xe/xem pronouns, some of us use frog/frogself pronouns, some of us use fae/faeself pronouns, etc. Point is, we all have unique, complex genders, sexualities, and identities.

So why do we not say we are genderfluid and pansexual, as a way to make all of us feel represented and truthful in our identity? Because being a xenogender using, gay, complex identity boy is what describes us as a whole the best. Yes, we are absolutely separate people, but as a whole, this is who we are. We also label ourselves as a multipluralic boy, which is another way to show that we have different Identities whilst still having one whole identity as a system.

All of these aspects of my identity as a queer person intersect and influence each other in complex ways. It's not always easy to navigate, but it's also incredibly rewarding to be able to explore and express myself in a way that feels true to who I am.

[ae-azile]

Hello, I really love Progression so much and I am so happy you update every week. We, the readers got so spoiled rotted by your regular updates. It is amazing. I adore that fic so much. I have seen your headcanons about everyone sexualities/orientations. It is so amazing. I bet it would be great if everyone in that fic would bake the cake in the theme of their sexual orientation (like Nam did). I think a lot of people would be quite surprised. Because only few (Kinn, Chay) identify as gay in the pure sense of word of sexual orientation. You mentioned that Tankhun is pansexual and Vegas is demiromantic and Pete is demisexual. Kim is grey ace/demi too. (sorry if I don't remember correctly that post you made). I am looking forward to the next chapter.

I'm glad you are loving Progression! I definitely fell behind with chapter 26 due to some work stress and getting sick, but hope to get jolt of creative energy (along with time) and write more very soon! Haha, that would be fun for them all to have a bake off. Kinn is probably lucky that his preferences are so on the nose because I feel like he would probably lose if it became a competition 😂. Although, maybe he and Chay could team up 😉. You know Kinn would subconsciously start competing against Vegas, going for the best gay male pride flag themed cake, only for Vegas to come out with a magnificent white, grey, green and black cake and for Kinn to be stumped since their colors don't match at all. Pete would just smile and say, "He figured it out in therapy. I am the only person he is ever interested in having a romantic relationship with because we connect on a deep level and he can't imagine loving anyone else but me." Meanwhile, Macau gags in the background as he puts his finishing touches on his ally cake.

While I doubt that particular scene will play out, it would be fun to write a cracky one-shot set in/inspired by the universe! I do think Kim will talk about his lack of experience with Lane soon, which may lead to some revelations about himself. I could see those revelations being eye-opening for Chay (as his partner) and Khun (who may identify similarly in the sense that he doesn't neatly fit in one box). I actually see Kim and Khun identifying similarly. Khun has severe sexual trauma from his kidnapping that has only been hinted at. His brothers are aware, but it is in the past and Khun has only recently spoken about it with Arm. It definitely reshaped him and he probably is more demisexual equally by nature and trauma, while likely being panromantic. However, due to immense trauma, long term agoraphobia, and having his life stifled by his father, Tankhun did not have many options to meet new people. His relationship with Arm is the most important one he has ever had (and vice versa), but he is lucky he found someone he could feel that safe with and loved by.

As for Kim, I think he wants love. He is selective and paranoid, but he likes the idea of romance and would be open to it if he found the right person, so he could either swing demi or pan in terms of his romantic orientation. I think it could have been pan if he had a healthy environment and healthy relationships to look up to. But I think he is likely somewhere between sex positive ace and demisexual. He loves sex with Chay and he thinks Chay is beautiful. Sometimes, he initiates and he is beginning to understand what he likes in terms of physical intimacy and is open to experimentation. But I think what has him hooked on it is the closeness and trust he has developed. If his relationship would fall through, it would be devastating for him, and it would likely take a long time for him to open himself up enough to build another relationship so close and trusting that he would want sex with another person.

Thank you for the fun ask! I appreciate it!

[my-castles-crumbling]

i’ve been debating sending you an ask about this, but i’ve read a lot of your anon answers recently and you’ve given some really great advice. 

(i’d like to just add here that ALL pronouns/neo-pronouns are completely and utterly valid and if anyone tells you otherwise, they can go fuck themselves. Also, i’ll be using he/him to refer to my partner as that’s currently the pronouns he’s asked me to use- this will become relevant). 

So I have a long term partner of seven years. last year he came to me and said he wanted to experiment with pronouns and self-expression. 

I was totally for it and together we found a hairdresser, and we made an effort to meet other trans people and I started using different pronouns for him and it pretty quickly went from she/her to they/them. 

And when he was using they/them, he was euphoric. I mean, i’ve known him a long time, and I know when he’s happy.

And he said that was for sure what he wanted.

And then he went to his parents house and told them about his new they/them pronouns. 

And they spent the whole time mocking him. Saying he should just fully transition and he’s being a wimp and they/them isn’t real- comparing it to identifying as random objects and animals (WHICH IS NOT TRUE, all pronouns, and neo-pronouns, are VALID!)

Anyway, he came home and didn’t wanna talk about it and two days later he asked me to use he/him pronouns.

It’s been nearly two months of this and I can tell it doesn’t fit. I’m using it now because it’s what he asked and I respect him, but I also know him, he isn’t euphoric and he doesn’t like the clothes he feels he has to wear.

If i’m being honest I always sort of noticed back when he was using she/her all those years. That something didn’t quite fit. And I had already been prepared to help him figured it out. Even though it didn’t actually click it in my head until he brought it up that first time. 

He liked his new name for they/them pronouns. He picked a “manly” one for he/him and he’s been asking me to refer to him with the they/them name as a nickname. Which I obviously have. 

I do think eventually this’ll run its course and he’ll go back to they/them. 

I know I don’t have the right to claim to know what’s going on in his mind, and I have supported him every step of the way, and he’s not sad now, he’s just not pleased with it. Like he is with they/them.

I can’t decide whether I should wait and see or not.  Because knowing his family and their love to get involved, it might take a while for him to pull away enough to realise this isn’t what he wants.

But his family is important to him and if I bring it up now he’ll probably just quote something his family said. And i’ll wait if that’s what he needs, of course I will, but this is hurting him- and I wish I could help. 

I bring up how they/them pronouns are valid all the time. And he’s never once thought against our friend who uses them. 

 But I personally have always blamed his family for it taking so long for him to ditch she/her, so I don’t know how long they’ll make he/him last.

And as I said, I do not care what he ends up choosing or how he presents himself as long as he’s happy. But I just don’t think this is him happy. (Also just to add, I am 100% sure he knows that I don’t mind whatever. Obviously anyone can love anyone who’s transitioning but I am pansexual and don’t give a shit how he presents himself cause he’s amazing and I love him for him. And I am sure he knows that).

Do you think I should tell him what i’ve been thinking? I’ll be careful not to phrase it in a selfish way as i’m aware this might make it seem like I think i know better than him or I want to rush him. But neither is true. 

I just want him to be happy. 

But I also know it’s not right to push him if he’s not ready yet. 

Thanks 😊 

Hi!!

This is definitely a tough question, because gender is such a personal topic, you know? But I do think you should be honest with your partner. I think it's just the way you're honest that matters.

The parts you said about noticing he's not as happy? That's what you should focus on. Because I feel like that comes off as concerned (which you are) and loving. Saying something like "Hey, I've noticed you've been different since you started using he/him pronouns. Do you agree? Why do you think that is?" I think that would really open the conversation to his feelings. Hopefully he'll be able to recognize your love for him and that you're coming from a place of concern. You could even say "I noticed when you started using they/them pronouns, you were so happy! Like X time, you were just so confident, you know?"

I don't think, though, that you should bring up his family. It sounds like he still has loyalty to them and bringing them up could cause more conflict than resolution. Same with saying something like "I think you'll end up going back to they/them." That makes it seem like you're dictating how he'll live. I know you're not, but it could feel that way.

But yeah, I do think you should bring it up. I think partners are the best people to try to point out to their S/Os that they need to put themselves and their needs first sometimes, and stop worrying about others.

I hope that helps! Feel free to message/update me if you want! I'd love to know how you both are doing!

Also, I'm naming you smiley anon because I'm trying to give every anon a separate tag and you put a smiley face at the end of your post.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Anonymous

Published: Feb 8, 2023

• An anonymous student speaks out about transgender ideology in her school  • The student, aged 14, attends a state secondary school in South-East England • Claimed teachers say Lady Macbeth non-binary and girls wear breast binders

She’s 14 and attends a co-educational state secondary in South-East England — where she says one in ten children in her year identifies as trans or non-binary. After becoming increasingly upset by the school’s acceptance of transgender ideology, this female student has decided to expose the truth about life in an ongoing culture war.

The other day, I went to the school office to get a new copy of the timetable. The teacher I spoke to used ‘they/them’ pronouns about me, asking another member of staff, ‘they have lost their timetable, can they have a new one?’

He knows me really well and it’s clear that I’m a girl. I felt furious he didn’t just say ‘she’. But it’s not just the odd teacher here or there; I am regularly asked if I am in the process of transitioning.

There is a gender-neutral uniform policy at school and lots of the girls wear trousers. Those of us that do are often asked if we are transgender, especially if we have short hair, as I do.

The fact a girl likes playing video games, or doesn’t like feminine clothes or make-up is enough to be seen as potentially trans. When my mum complained about me being called ‘they’, the teacher apologised but explained he was being cautious in case I was transitioning. He said the teachers are treading on eggshells, scared of being labelled transphobic.

It feels like trans is all anyone talks about. The library has a section devoted to LGBTQQIA+ books and there is a display for Pride in the school entrance, with rainbow flags and words and terms such as ‘non-binary‘, ‘polysexual’, ‘demiboy’, ‘demigirl’ and ‘pansexual’. These words come up in lessons, too. I’m now in Year 10, and the other day a girl in my English class asked if the Greek god Zeus was a man or a woman and the teacher replied that Zeus could have ‘identified as non-binary’.

More recently another teacher said Lady Macbeth was ‘neither a man nor a woman’. I think most parents will have no clue this is what their kids are being taught.

So I’m glad the Education Secretary Gillian Keegan is set to tell schools they must be more open about their handling of trans issues. I would be too scared to say this at school, though. I would lose my friends if I did, as they’re completely intolerant of anything they think is transphobic.

That’s what made me decide to speak out here — without giving my real name.

When I started at my secondary school four years ago, I didn’t even know what ‘transgender’ meant. It hadn’t been talked about in primary school or at home. But within days, we were told by a teacher in our PSHE (personal, social, health and economic education) class that we would be seen as ‘transphobic’ if we used any of the ‘offensive words’ from a long list, which included ‘gender bender’ and ‘butch’.

I had no idea what transphobic meant, but I could tell it was definitely something I didn’t want to be seen as. At that age, when you are told something at school you just believe it. We trusted that what the teachers told us was true. 

But I did ask my mum about it later. She is a feminist and is critical of students being dictated to. She said that often it depends how you use words — that people within queer communities have used ‘gender bender’ as a positive way to describe themselves and that ‘butch’ is used by lesbians to describe other lesbians who are quite masculine in appearance.

While still in my first year, 11-year-old girls in my class began asking to be called ‘he’ or ‘them’.

Soon afterwards a number of others were doing the same. It felt as if they joined in because it meant they were seen as cool.

You get special treatment if you say you are trans or non-binary and suddenly become the centre of attention when you ‘come out’.

As soon as a girl says she is a boy, her name is changed on the school register and students are told to use their chosen boy’s name.

Now, out of 200 students in my year, at least 20 say they’re trans — almost all are girls claiming to be boys or non-binary. Although there is one boy saying he’s a girl, this really is largely about girls saying they are boys. The kids in my year don’t say they are lesbian or gay, because those words are thought to be an insult.

There is a straight boy going out with a straight girl who says she is trans, so he now has to say that he’s bisexual. It’s often said by my schoolmates that trans girls are ‘better’ girls than ‘other girls’. I find this insulting. But the teachers don’t take any action even if they do hear conversations like this.

Recently, I was watching a news item with friends about the changes to the Gender Recognition Act in Scotland and every time a guest on the programme said, ‘this is a threat to sex-based rights’, my friends were sneering and laughing. It made me feel as though girls have no rights and are not respected in my school.

There is constant talk of transphobia and bigotry and many of the students who say they are trans constantly talk about being ‘victims’, with anyone who isn’t trans being the perpetrator.

Coming out as a lesbian or gay doesn’t have the same effect, but barely any students do, in my experience.

My friend Kelley* was ‘affirmed’ [accepted without question] as a boy in Year 7. She has serious mental health issues and is regularly off school as she self-harms.

Kelley socially transitioned without any teacher challenging her. She has a new name and can now use the boys’ changing rooms. All my friends pretty much believe in ‘gender identity’. Girls and boys are referred to by teachers and students as ‘assigned female at birth’ or ‘assigned male at birth’. This is shortened to AFAB and AMAB.

There is also confusing language such as the word for being attracted to non-binary people, ‘skoliosexual’. I find it ridiculous — but can’t say that.

There is a lot of breast-binding going on, too, but we don’t know who might be on puberty blockers because no one talks about that. One trans-identified girl wants to get a breast binder, but was complaining that her parents would not want her to.

I joined the Equalities Club because I believe in equal rights for all, then found it was impossible to talk about any group, other than trans people, that was discriminated against. There’s a rule against wearing badges in school but some students wear trans flag and pronoun badges and nobody tells them off.

Recently, a group of us were watching Prime Minister’s Questions and when MPs talked about maternity care, using the terms ‘birthing partner’ and ‘non-birthing partner’, I wondered out loud why they didn’t just say ‘mother’.

I was told off by a friend who said that not everyone with a cervix is a woman. I didn’t want to disagree because I knew what would happen — I would be publicly humiliated.

Until now, I’ve just gone along with most of it. But there are some things I can’t leave alone. For example, I really like J. K. Rowling but she was called a ‘TERF’ (Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist) by a friend, who said she was heartbroken to hear that J.K. was ‘anti-trans’.

I asked in what way J.K. was transphobic but this friend couldn’t give me an answer, she just said: ‘I hope all TERFS drop dead.’ I was shocked by her anger.

There have also been violent comments on social media towards ‘transphobes’ with students from the school threatening to strangle them.

That’s why I’m writing this piece anonymously, although I believe I should be able to say these things without fear of attack. I want adults to know what it’s really like in schools like mine now.

*Names have been changed.

==

This confusion, this uncertainty isn't a bug of Queer Theory, it's the explicitly stated intent. When nobody can trust anything about the world, they can't know whether to oppress you or to give you the privileges associated with being an oppressor. No more "systemic" oppression. One of the big problems is that this constantly questioning your own perceptions is a tactic of Malignant Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's no wonder it attracts narcissists.

https://segm.org/England-ends-gender-affirming-care

The new NHS guidance recognizes social transition as a form of psychosocial intervention and not a neutral act, as it may have significant effects on psychological functioning. The NHS strongly discourages social transition in children, and clarifies that social transition in adolescents should only be pursued in order to alleviate or prevent clinically-significant distress or significant impairment in social functioning, and following an explicit informed consent process.

It's Psych 101 that affirmation solidifies belief, because it wires the amygdala to accept the belief as reality. If you keep telling someone "yes, you are a victim, the world is out to get you," they'll become helpless and incapable. If a therapist actually recommended affirmation therapy for those with anorexia nervosa - "if you think you're overweight, you must be, since you're the expert on you. In fact, you could probably even stand to lose a few more lbs" - we'd know they were incompetent and dangerous.

https://cutdowntree.substack.com/i/54708841/metaphysics-of-marginalization

If those who are born Black or disabled are the chosen, trans people are the converts who have voluntarily accepted Marginalization. They choose to suffer more from their involuntary embodiment. Because of this, they become virtuous. They are saved.

[riddlemethisjeremy]

"But its fine to be LGBTQ+ in Australia in 2024 Australia is such an accepting country"

Get away from me.

Here is an itemised list of shit that i see around me/has happened to me. Just in my little sphere of observation I'm not talking about online or anything just circling around fucking me. Organised from shit that bothers me the least to shit that fucks me off to an unbelievable extent:

All the shallow "LGBTQ+ safe space !!!!!!!" Stickers i see at places like target (I am not talking about actual queer spaces like Dangerfield oh my god i will never ever get over the time that the person at Dangerfield asked if i would like to see their "masculine selection" like holy shit ???? Yes i would love to see the "masculine selection" thank you for not making me a man in this store- anyways) it just makes me a little mad that they just have to put a little sticker in the window and suddenly they're a "safe space" like come off it mate no one's buying your shit

Those people who say they're like supportive and then go and bag out a highly minoritsed section of the community (example taken from my current home) "I support trans people i believe trans people should be able to live and be whoever they truly are" "if my child ever told me that they wanted to use "they/them" pronouns i would assign them a gender myself" "I think all these little "microlabels" like pansexual and aromantic are fake theyre just kids looking for attention" "well apparently you can identify as a tree these days lol I'll just tell them i identify as a dog and cock my leg on them"

Other generally passive homophobic comments such as "oh you're pansexual? Does that mean you're attracted to pans?"

Walking into class and getting slurred or called an "it" or being spoken about like I'm a creature rather than a person: "Sir, can you take that thing outside" "Its not a part of this classroom" "Someone should really put a muzzle on that thing" "oh, sorry, "IT". Got my grammar mixed up."

Possibly the more upsetting part of that is the teacher, who is aware of me being trans and has been since he took our class, has not done a thing about this despite stating that he was going to do what he could to support me.

The casual biphobia/complete erasjre of my bi identity that happens like literally daily? Like hello i like both ?

The younger queer kids being targets of creeps and harassment because theyre just "attention seeking queers" and no one would believe them if they said anything

Being clocked by customers at work and having to deal with harassment surrounding my entire identity despite the fact that I'm not even out and having to pretend to have a laugh about it with my coworkers while im literally shaking and like on the verge of an anxiety attack

People fetishizing drag queens/critisizing them for not doing drag in a "traditionally correct" way. Like ?? She's not bopping he bussy for anyone but herself fuck off

My own friends not believing me/taking me seriously when i try to talk about the harassment/abuse that I face at school/at work because "its 2024 and these places are safe places and they literally said they weren't trying to be offensive"

Being outed in the workplace because i was trying to help my gf get a job (which i didnt realise was a whole thing at the time) and then being punished for not telling people about our relationship to begin with (neither of us are very out and I didn't want to put either of us in an uncomfortable position so I didn't mention it because its not their business?) my gf is no longer getting a job and i am significantly less likely to get the promotion they were talking about giving me

The sheer amount of homophobic/transphobic parents that i know of in the area (mine and my gfs included) and the fact that "allies" don't seem to understand why we won't tell these people about ourselves (especially those of us with notably abusive parents (myself and my gf included))

"Well she can't like you very much if she's not willing to tell her parents" "i just don't think she really cares about you if she's keeping you a secret" shes literally let me give her kisses at the bus stop guys she just wont tell her mom fuck off

The fact that if her parents find out they could report me to the police for grooming because even if the age gap is literally eleven months she's still a minor and the courts are more likely to convict me because im queer. This would literally end my life.

the fact that im being encouraged to leave the fucking love of my life because its "too dangerous" and if my life is ruined by her parents its her fault some how so i need to protect myself ???? What the fuck ????

And finally "You cant save everyone you know" like ???? I know that doesnt mean that the people I CARE ABOUT should have to suffer to keep ME safe. Thats fucked up.

[thehealingsystem]

I don't know how to feel right now. Youtube is talking about mspec lesbian discourse and I just...can't anymore. Just the same discourse over and over again full of people who don't even identify that way and don't know what they're talking about from both sides. "Actual lesbians," "real lesbians," "fake lesbians," "just bisexual," okay just ENOUGH already. I don't know why there has to be so much toxicity around ONE niche identity. It is ONE identity, who are small, and normally just have their personal reasons for doing so. The lesbian community is not being invaded, destroyed, or anything like that, by such a small group of people. And they're...mspecs. Bisexuals, pansexuals, polysexuals, omnisexuals, etc. they're not 'invading' anything. How can you invade a community you were always a part of?

Even if there wasn't any historical factor to this, why does it matter that much? Why harass someone and make their life miserable over this ONE FUCKING tiny thing. I am so SICK of having to see and deal with so much bullshit over my identity from people who are supposed to support me! I can't even feel free to change labels and discover new things about myself because I feel the need to defend this one! Like if realizing that I'm not pan lesbian and just lesbian would be admitting they're right!

I was dumb and had told those who were against it that I wasn't sure if I even liked boys. They took that to mean that I absolutely didn't like boys at all and discarded the pan part. But they still tell me I can't be lesbian because I'm not a 'non-man.'

Others found out and they yell at me that "men can't be lesbians" when I'm around. They tell me I can't be a lesbian because "I'm a boy." It doesn't matter that they know I'm non-binary, multigender, genderfluid, and not just a boy or really even identify with the binary concept of manhood that would make attraction to women straight. They do not care, because lesbian is non-men attracted to non-men.

Why do y'all hate mspecs so much? Why do you hate multigender and genderfluid people so much? I literally just started realizing I may be connected to femininity and girlhood in the same way I am masculinity and boyhood. I denied it before because it was either one or the other, and I couldn't even get people in my life to accept me as a nonbinary boy, so why would I allow them to think of me as 'still a girl?'

I don't get it. I can't even make friends because I'm so scared of people. I can't interact with fandoms because I don't know who's going to attack me or not. Why is this right at all? Am I really that wrong? I can't help how I feel about myself, so why do they act like I can just choose? I don't know. I just wish this discourse could pass just like all the others before it

[direautistichobbit]

The AMAB Blues: On Being Eternally “Questioning”

This essay, or whatever this rambling set of nonsense is, comes with a disclaimer.  That this needs to be expressed in the first place is part of the problem I suppose, but I am getting ahead of myself.

I’m about to talk about an big, messy issue that I have been facing as an AMAB person who is gender questioning.  Currently, I identify as Gender-Fluid; previously, I’ve experimented with Nonbinary and Autigendered.  To be perfectly honest, Autigender is probably the most accurate of those I’ve played with so far but I have to explain enough stuff about who I am that explaining an entire term is more trouble than it is worth, generally speaking.  I’m pansexual, but usually more attracted to femme presenting and directed persons, and I’m struggling to sort out how related to my own personal traumas that is.  None of them were sexual, to be clear.  Thing is that I am an exceedingly sensitive person, and a lot of masculinity is…not inclined towards sensitivity in the majority of Western culture.  You become a target for other masculine people to take out their aggression on to prove to each other how manly they are.  So I’m…always anxious around men.  At least a little.  For someone who is Demisexual, this has made the pursuit of relationships with masculine looking persons challenging.  I’m polyamorus, with all of my partners at long distance (one of them is moving away as I’m writing this, don’t worry, we are fine), I have been looking for people closer by.  It has not gone well.

With that subtext out of the way?   I’m also a white, masculine presenting person that (superficially) resembles something that is cisgendered (not even slightly, I’ve come to realize) and heterosexual (not that either) enough that my “passing” privilege is extreme.  I am neurodivergent (ADHD diagnosed, ASD self-diagnosed and largely agreed upon by past therapists/doctors)  but can mask well enough that I get the “peculiar”and “eccentric” kind of labels before I get the problematic ones.  I am not going to pretend that I don’t have a lot of passive advantages here, nor am I blind to the amount of privilege I possess in the vast majority of social situations.  None of what I am about to say detract from those who don’t have these benefits.  I’m not complaining that the gays are being mean to me; they aren’t.  The majority of them have been nothing but wonderful to me.  I’m talking about the issues I’m facing; I don’t discount the issues that others are facing.  Hopefully that comes across here: I’m not blaming the broader LGBTQ+ community for how I feel, the issues I face, or the circumstances that hurt me.  I am not trying to crowd out other voices; I’m just trying to express my own.

Cool?  Cool.

There are a lot of queer spaces where masculinity is, while perhaps not the enemy, regarded with suspicion.  I don’t blame anyone for that; as I already stated, it’s something I share.  White dudes can get away with literal murder, and I know it.  I’ve read about it.  I’ve become familiar with it.  I own it.  I recognize, and attempt to always dignify, the danger that I represent, in potentia, to a lot of people in the LGBTQ+ community.  I recognize that while my intentions are as fair and honest as I can possibly strive to express, there is no way to prove those intentions without someone having to risk an interaction with me. No one is obligated to provide me that chance to prove myself; no one should be either.  There is no way to say I’m “one of the good ones” and have it be taken at face value; even saying that you are a “nice guy” is a huge red flag just due to the sheer number of bad faith fuck-wits who have purposely and maliciously abused that.  I get it.  I understand it.  I don’t make excuses for it.  I don’t misunderstand it.  I don’t begrudge people for it. That doesn’t stop it from being extremely isolating and dehumanizing at times.  Especially when you aren’t sure if “masculine” or “male” is something you even want to be…because the truth is that I’m not certain that I do. Would I say I am Transfemme?  No…but it’s a question I also go to some lengths to psychologically avoid. 

I don’t try to feminize my voice, even experimentally; hasn’t stopped me saving every TikTok on voice feminization that I have come across.  I’m definitely more curious then I’d like to admit regarding the topic.  I own a few pairs of high heels, but have avoided going any further down that fashion/clothing rabbit hole.  The majority of my friends and partners do not subscribe to gender binaries.  I have a lot of crushes on Transwomen, but not because they are some representation of some fetish; I like them because they are wonderful people that I want to be closer with.  They’re cute and sweet and I just kind of want to get lost in them.  Also, yeah, I follow a lot of Transwomen and Transfemmes on social media.  Yes, I have a beard!  How did you know? I don’t know that the end result of this question is being a transwoman.  I also can’t say that it isn’t.  I just don’t ask the question, deliberately, because I can’t follow through with it.  I’m not in a position to do so and right now I suspect that “Unsure but questioning” is easier to take then “certain but unable”. My ex-wife and I are civil, bordering on friendly…but she is pretty much just slightly better then milquetoast liberal.  Better than average but really bad at questioning her biases or blind spots.  Do I think she would use being Trans against me in terms of custody of our child?  No, I don’t think so…but I also don’t know so.  My daughter is 9.  Am I willing to risk my ex-wife’s inability to emotionally regulate?  This is someone who has wished me dead in front of other (She thought I missed the pick up of our daughter,5~6 at that point, by oversleeping.  It wasn’t even my day to pick her up and she was the one who got the schedule wrong) so her emotional maturity isn’t something I can take for granted.  I have no idea what will or will not set her off. Due to a host of reasons, most of them related to COVID and the movement of Amertican society, I am looking at the possibility of needing to get on disability.  While I am a bit of an ambivert, I have gotten to the point where I don’t trust anyone I don’t know.  Shit is crazy out there.  I am legitimately terrified of anyone having power over me.  It’s complicated, but the short version is that my social anxiety has become legion.  If I move to make any alteration to transition, if that were what I decided I needed, it could affect a disability case to my detriment due to the biases of judges.  It could even affect my ability to get representation.  The madness that is some conservatives' idea of how “easy” the disability process is for their definition of “undesirables” is utterly stupefying, because the reality is much different.  

I live with my parents for a number of reasons.  My mother and father are…progressive, for the most part.  They mean well.  That said, they’re also pretty benignly ignorant about a lot of mental health and social stuff.  Not in a way where I have to avoid topics of conversation or humor them on Thanksgiving to keep the peace, mind you, but in a way where it makes explaining myself extremely tedious and painful.  Like I don’t think they would purposely dead name me or something like that, but my mother is also a very “grounded” person…and hearing her drone on and lecture me about elevated risks in society when I’ve studied them more then she has is a kind of personal hell I struggle to properly articulate.  My mother is my greatest ally and, also, one of the worst burdens on my mental health.  I’d be dead without her but I’m also frequently injured by her.  I survive, a lot of the time, by just laying low.  Restructuring my whole identity isn’t something I can “lay low” with.  

Also, there is a question of if I found out I wanted to be a woman or even just more feminine?  Well, would I look like a feminine person I even wanted to be?  With facial hair, I can pass for a solid version of ruggedly handsome.  I don’t suspect that, even with a more feminine face, there are many versions of femininity that I could pull off nearly as well.  The question of whether it hurts more to be a modestly attractive version of something you don’t want to be or an ugly version of something you do want to be comes up frequently.

So I don’t ask the questions that would give me the answers.  At least, for myself, in my heart of hearts.  Executive function issues can be a blessing in disguise, I suppose, because even in spite of everything I just said?  The question of my gender and how I view it feels pleasantly unresolved to me.  I can see the line of data and evidence, but not come to a conclusion because I haven’t done the work to find out.  I haven’t tried to feminize my voice or my appearance in a meaningful way.  It’s also still functionally unknown, even if highly suspected. Which brings us back to the central issue.

It’s one thing to feel rejected or regarded with suspicion when you are masculine in your presentation, you feel masculine, and you have to navigate the mess left by other masculine people.  It’s another thing to feel rejected or regarded with suspicion when you are masculine in your presentation, but don’t even know if you want to be but don’t feel you have the opportunity to be otherwise.  I feel like I carry the weight of choices I wouldn’t make on behalf of someone I’m not sure I even want to be.  I feel held accountable to things I wouldn’t do and never wanted to be a part of.  Not because I don’t want the consequence of being a male…but because I’m not sure that male is something I want to be.

But I look like I’m male…so they do.

I look through dating profiles of people who interest me.  I never hear back.  Lots of them have phrases about “mostly looking for femmes, but open to anyone!”, so the writing's on the wall when I get nothing but radio silence.  Marking down Non-Binary or Gender-fluid doesn’t functionally matter when your face isn’t the kind of face they are looking to get to know.  When people who I’m interested in talk about not being attracted to “mascs”....I know it’s nothing personal.  It’s not any kind of an attack or dismissal of me as a person.  It’s two people discussing the nature of what they are attracted to, and I don’t begrudge anyone for saying.  In another instance, someone who was local and who I was beginning to flirt with but a halt on everything because...my masculinity got to her.  She wanted time to unpack that.  She deserves it.  I would never want her to feel any kind of way about asking for what she needed.

Irregardless of whom I do or do not “blame” for these situations, even if I blame no one at all, it is still a fucking kick to the guts because I feel stuck being something unwanted.  It makes you question the attraction of the partners you do have; how long until they look at you like everyone else does?  When everyone else they are around or connected to is in some way femme or leaning that way, when do you get cut?  When do you stop being undesired....and it’s easy to question that when you cannot imagine even wanting to be yourself much less next to yourself.  Especially when you feel like that happened before. I was pursuing a woman once.  She was a transwoman.  I thought there was a connection, and she seemed to echo the sentiment.  Some point down the line, she exploded at me.  The reasons are still uncertain; some of it was miscommunication, some of it was some problematic word choices that I will absolutely own*, and some of it I still have no clue.   Whatever her reasons, she called me out as just another fetishist. A chaser.  Accused of creeping on trans-women and following them on social media for some fetishizing reason.  Liking memes and posts on facebook that weren’t mean for “creepy cis men”.  I had been wanting to tell her for a while that I was gender questioning.but never did; I didn’t want her to think I was doing so dishonestly to curry her favor or something.  So I was grappling with feelings that she, without realizing, invalidated. It set me back a lot.. We didn’t have a relationship; there was just some flirting and feeling each other out.  It was still traumatic, because I left the situation feeling as if she needed a reason to purge me out of her life.  She asked me never to contact her again; I’ve honored that, and have no plans to change that face.  I’d be lying, however, if I said that I didn’t want to cuss her out.  It felt she was looking for an excuse to villainize me, and she took the first one she got. She damaged me and my progress with my own identity more then any transphobic half-wit ever could, all for what feels like having some moral high ground.  It took me longer to get to the questions about being Enby or GF because of her.  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive her for that.  I’ve been phobic about being seen as a “fraud” ever since.  That was approximately 3 years ago. Perhaps more.  It still hurts.  Still feels like what I am going to be seen as the enemy for what I look like, not for what I am. .

Yet, I don’t actually know what I; I avoid asking the question about because opening Pandora’s Box is going to make it twice as bad, if the answer is what it looks like it is, because it won’t change what I am able to do about it.  I feel as if my options are to feel like a pariah and just struggle through it blindly or feel like a pariah after doing personal exploration to discover something that I can’t act on anyway.  I don’t suspect I am alone here.  That’s the thing; I am, comparatively, lucky.  I think I am in a uniquely privileged position to express myself this clearly and this cleanly.  I can speak to this in a way many AMABs don’t get to.  Masculinity is one hell of a double edged sword in Western society; you can do practically anything you want as long as do it without any emotions that isn’t anger, confidence, or grim determination.  If you are married, you can love your wife (and kids) in a noble and detached way.  You can only cry when kids are born, you partner leaves your, you parents die, or you get kicked in the testicles.  Even then it’s treated as suspect.  Everything else is socially and culturally forbidden.  I have enough emotional eloquence that I can express a pain that I suspect many others grappling with yet can barely identify, much less explain.  How do you deal with any of this when you lack the emotional vocabulary to feel half of it?  I can only speculate.

I guess this all leads to one point; your friends who are AMAB, in queer spaces, and are in a continual cycle of gender questioning?  They are probably going through some shit.  Probably a lot of shit.  All the time.  We are stuck in the fringe territory of overlapping identities and we don’t really have any way to go in one direction or the other.   Be gentle with those of us who fall under this banner if you can be. It’s lonely when you can even be yourself with yourself...and you can’t.  You don’t even exactly know who you are, and you end up scared that finding out could destroy you.  So you exist, perpetually, as a reasonable facsimile of who you think you want to be if you are luck...and who you need to be if you are not.

=-= =-= =-= =-= =-=

*For the curious, I used the phrase “pull up your big girl panties” in reference to someone I was dealing with at my job; a client at a day program for adults with developmental disabilities.  The individual in question became a very abusive person during her menstrual cycle, often attacking other clients and becoming extremely aggressive at the slightest annoyance or inconvenience.  Pushing, screaming, trying to bash people with her wheelchair and waiting until people weren’t looking at her to do it. While that behavior was very toxic and frustrating, I didn’t choose a good way to speak about this client, and I will absolutely own that there were better ways to express myself and vent my frustrations.  When the woman I was trying to build a relationship cussed me out on using that phrase, she accused me about talking about my ex-wife in this instance...which I wasn’t.  I have no idea why she thought that.

[apolloanddaphnis]

Immortal Aphrodite

Part I

Synopsis: a pansexual non binary therapist in New York is finally in a good place in their life, when they gets a client that might threaten all of that.

Dedicated to a very good friend if mine who I absolutely love.

Disclaimer: This story will be explicit as hell. This is a Trans!Female Timothée Chalamet x Reader love story.

____________________________________________

Salem's POV

It took me a long time to get where I am today. I'm not talking about getting my bachelors in Psychology at the University of Arkansas, and then my masters in counseling at Hunter College.  Those are just degrees and hours of studying and no social life for someone who doesn't have one anyway.

It took me a long time to get to where I am, struggling to discover that I'm not defined by one gender or the other, that I'm not attracted to people based off of what gender THEY identify as, working through a drinking problem that stemmed from mental and emotional abuse from my family even when they were a distance away. And then coming out to them so I could finally live my life, live it healthy and honest. Coming out to my family almost sent me back to the bottle, I had to call my sponsor or I didn't know if I'd make it.

It's safe to say they are no longer in my life, which makes me sad sometimes but not sad enough to return to that life. It took too long getting here to where I am, I remember when I finally legally changed my name, Salem Eden Coslett.  With that name I worked as an elementary school counselor while getting my masters degree, with that name I graduated with that very master's degree and my addiction program AND rented my Brooklyn brownstone apartment, and that is the name that's on the door of my office. An Office I made a safe place for not just the queer community but people of all communities. 

I still see a therapist of course, problems don't go away just because you're doing good and Dr. Valentine has been a big help. 

My life has been going so well, I have succulents and an Ivy I nurture, two Maine coons called Aragorn and Elrond that I adore. I'm in a book club and I found a really nice church that's open and accepting with a lesbian reverend. 

So tell me why I'm ready to jeopardize that and break the hippocratic oath? Tell me why I forgot how to breathe when my first time patient walks in looking as good as she smelled, strutting in all tall and elegant and elvish with long, spider legs and red lips? She wore stylishly vintage jeans from the early 90s that stayed up in her petite waist with the help of a Gucci belt, a black turtleneck that's tightness showed off her lean built, red two and half inch block heels that I saw in the window of Nordstroms, a single Cartier bracelet and small gold hoop earrings. Her rich chocolate curls were cut voguishly in the wolf style, and nothing really changed her pretty and intense features except for red lipstick and bb cream.

Nails as red as her lips and shoes were paired with many vintage rings, on long, dexterous fingers that lived on large hands. Hands I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from.

She has pretty diamond shaped head and very sharp features, gorgeously scissor sharp cheekbones and an aquiline nose that made her look beautifully noble, seductively hooded Hazel eyes with thick eyebrows that resided above them. Her lips are small but full and the Rouge on them kept making my eyes return to them.  Her beauty is svelte and Eastern European, she's the absolute New Yorker and I couldn't breathe. I don't remember inviting her to sit on my rattan wood daybed with a salmon-colored, velvet cushion. She moved my plethora of colorful cushions and pillows aside to sit and sink into the seatery. She looks so pretty there and I just imagined doing such depraved things to her and it made me feel horrible. I did invite her to sit and I offered her tea, but I'm in a trance so I just don't remember. 

I need to get myself together, I must look like an idiot just gawking at her. "The tea is really good." She said, her voice is raspy and deep but very soft. She looked me in the eye briefly before studying my appearance, I felt my heart race as I pushed up my glasses.

"Oh thank you it's um butterfly pea flower tea." I tapped my purple gel pen against my clipboard. 

"It's  sweet and flowery but earthy, it's so good."

It was cute how she described the tea, I smiled. "I'll make sure to make more for you next time, I like interesting tea flavors, like matcha." With patients I tend to let them take the reins of the conversation, make them feel comfortable and give them the feeling that they're in control of the direction of the conversation.

Hali Chalamet wasn't here to talk about mtea collection. 

"I usually prefer coffee but this tea…what sweetener was that?" Her knee was jiggling so fast, she was tapping her foot wildly, a telltale sign she's nervous.

I shifted in my seat as I watched her, she blushed under my gaze and it made my mind wander and I bit my bottom lip. "Agave syrup, it's a healthy alternative. "

"Like Tequila agave?"

I smirked. "Sort of."

"Trying to get me drunk, Salem?"

I had strict instructions for my patients to address me by my first name, the gender definity of Mr., Mrs., and Ms. Made me uncomfortable and me getting rid of a title made it easier for my patients to talk to me.

So when she said my name with a suggestion I should have been fine, especially when I've had patients actually hit on me before, there's a whole transference situation that can happen between therapist and patient.  Not with Hali, she had me completely effected.

"I see that you're a drama professor at Tisch school of Arts. You're so young to be one." I said it as a compliment with a smile.

I saw her perk up that, she was obviously very proud of that title and position.  "Yes, I did 4 years at NYU and got a B.A. in drama, and then a PhD in fine arts. I used to…" She cleared her throat and hugged her arms around herself, something must have been triggered.  "I was an actor on Broadway. ".

I rose my brows completely impressed, she does look familiar,  but I can't remember from where, I didn't see theatre that often despite my love for watching it. 

A frown appeared on her pretty mouth, I really shouldn't say that in my head. She's going through something horrible trip down memory lane and here I am admiring her.

"I was…it was when I was…Timothée…"

Sometimes saying your dead name can be triggering. I set aside my clipboard and approached her slowly. I stopped before her and crouched down to the ground, making sure my long skirt covered me. I looked up at Hali, it was a good position to all our her to know that I wasn't above her in anyway.

"Did you leave Broadway because of that? You don't have to talk about it today."

She looked down into my eyes, there was such a tenderness in them. "Thank you." She said softly, her eyes traveled down to my mouth and briefly to my covered chest. Did I imagine that?

"I need to go." She said in a quiet, gossamer of a tone.

I nodded, this happens a lot. Sometimes the first session doesn't go well, but even when I watched her walk out of the office, I know she opened up to me more than she knows.

After she left I started typing up notes and organizing the for her file. Once printed I put stickers on them that I associated with her, which I do with all my patients.

I had a date tonight with this perfectly nice guy, he's a veterinarian and open minded, he loves Sylvia Plath and listens to Harry Styles, favorite show is The Office and has only been in committed relationships.  He's a male feminist and he's very tall, 6'3, has green eyes, cute glasses, and curly dark hair. His name is Dr. Josh Rosenstein and he smells lovely, like dove soap and gentle cologne, and we met up at L'Wren on Brooklyn's fifth Avenue for drinks. It was a little bit of a struggle but as he ordered his glass of Beaujolais, and I ordered my mocktail of ginger beer and grapefruit juice, we talked about our favorite office episodes and our jobs. All I could think about while he was being perfectly polite was Hali staring at my lips.

Then we met each other at 1 or 8, this minimalist Japanese restaurant on Dekalb Avenue. It wasn't the best Japanese food I ever had, all show no substance. But Dr. Josh was nice, very nice. I felt like an awful human being thinking about Hali's rings on her hand.

And when I invited the good doctor inside and we fucked with me on top, I thought of her cock, it looked so big through her Jeans. I felt miserably guilty and horny, I needed to get my patient out of my head but all I could think about was how Josh wasn't Hali.

And after he left I was counting down to when I would see her again. 

Next Tuesday when I did, we just spoke about her favorite musicals and her favorite plays. She actually loves Rocky Horror Picture Show and I told her I have never seen it, my exposure to pop culture due to my religious upbringing was limited. 

Well Miss Hali was appalled and the next morning, I had found a ticket to an off Broadway production of it at the Manhattan theater in my mailbox. I shook my head with a smile, and yes I was totally going.

Technically I'm not doing anything wrong right? They're just a simple gift from a grateful patient, happens all the time. And I had no idea if she would even be there.

But on the off chance that she was…

I didn't wear a suit like with Josh, tonight I feel more femme than masculine. I did my makeup, painted lips a dark red, used a matte foundation and smokey eyes, black spiderweb fishnet stockings wrapped around my legs and went well with my purple, velvet button down dress. The sleeves are short and so is the hem, it showed a heavy amount of cleavage which was easy to do with my size.

I zipped up black, mid calf, wedge heel boots and sprayed on my Good fortune perfume.  I kept messing with my hair, I hoped I looked good enough, I hope I smel good enough, I just hope I'm enough. 

As I grabbed my purse and set up the place nice for my cat, I chastised myself. "Salem you're insane, she probably won't even be there."

With that I headed out and hailed a cab to the Manhattan theater. I arrived early so I could find my seat, that's when I saw her. Apparently she can get hotter.

That dress hardly left anything to the imagination, black and completely sheer, sides cut out and showing off long, smooth legs that end in designer black boots. The eyeliner was heavy and it was so sexy. Should I go over there? Or pretend not to see her? Oh my God.

"Are you here alone?" 

A pretty redhead in a babydoll dress appeared before me. She licked her lips and made it obvious she was checking me out with seductive brown eyes.

"Yes."

"Oh good." She smiled. "I'm Miranda, what's your name?"

"Salem." I wasn't interested and I should be, she's so pretty and smells good, but my eyes slid over to where Hali was– to find no Hali.

"Salem, there you are!"

A big smile graced my lips hearing the familiar voice that might as well be the chorus of angels singing. When did she get so close to me? And God she smells WAY better than Miranda. My eyes fell to her rosy nipples that were  visible through that sheer number.

"I-uh here I am!" 

She wrapped her lanky arms around my shapely waist. I couldn't breathe oh God, feeling her body against mine made me feel high. I had to mentally yet at myself to NOT Bury my face in her neck with a scent that could only be described as intoxicating. 

Miranda looked annoyed and just walked away, sadly Hali let go. "Why did you do that?" I asked her.

"Do what?" She asked simply before slowly eyeing me. "You look really cute outside of your work clothes, although you look cute on those too."

"Hali, remember-" I started to warn.

"I know, I know, hippocratic oath or whatever. " 

I folded my arms.

"I wish you wore your glasses."

I looked up at her perplexed and she just smirked then took my hand. "Come on, I'll take you to our seats."

"Hali, I don't know if this is appropriate…"

"It's just a show, and maybe some eats at Hill country barbecue market on West 26th street, afterwards of course not during. After all, you've never seen this before, and I'd hate for you to miss it."

"No, Hali. Please, listen, there is absolutely no way–" the overture of the music began and Hali shushed me. "It's beginning. "

I glared. "Don't ever shush me again, understand?"

Her Adam's apple bobbed and her hooded eyes fogged with something akin to lust.  

Was it me or did my patient just get turned on by me telling her what to do?

I'm fucked.

@sufferingstarlight @meetmyothersouls

[bullywug-n-mugwort]

.

idk why people just decide they get to invalidate someone else's identity when they are not the one with that identity and therefore don't know what they're talking about. just saw someone i otherwise respect reblog a post about how bisexual lesbian is an invalid term because each term has changed over time and claiming it's lesbophobic and biphobic to use the term [something something mutually exclusive experiences]. i usually call my orientation "queer" but i often use "bi lesbian" to make sense of my own experience. the tags of this post were full of people dunking on all imagined reasons someone may call themselves a bi lesbian, none of which reflect my own experiences and reasoning.

not that i should have to defend myself, but a lot of these comments were very fixated on the experiences of "liking only women" vs "liking both women and men." these categories obviously have social significance, but to me personally, romantically and sexually, these categories aren't super helpful. i cannot isolate traits of manhood or womanhood i find attractive. i'm into femme traits until i see a hot butch. i like certain chests, certain facial features, and any genitals. these traits don't map onto coherent binary genders very well. not to mention my attractions shift with my fluid gender. if i'm looking for a consistent pattern, i'm into gendernonconformity if anything. i guess i'm far more into women than i am men unless the man is a flamboyant twink but at the end of the day i'm not into either as much as i am a very specific weird collection of queer gender markers. (and pansexual had never seemed to fit the bill, because there are also many gender expressions and markers i am certainly unattracted to.)

does that really make me a biphobic bisexual? i wrestled with more shame at the idea that i was a lesbian, a stereotype threat for the bisexual community i love. the twink i married turned out not to be a man at all. i was struggling with worries about comphet for years because i loved them but our marriage didn't feel "right," and now that we're both practicing genderqueers it does. to me, that experience made bisexuality feel less like home than it had before. at the same time, finding like two men attractive excludes me from the lesbian community. is it such a sin to have found home in a term that made coherent my knot of comphet and dysphoria?

i realized, as many lesbians with comphet do, that i would probably never be happy in a relationship with a man, as in someone who self- identified as a man and embraced manhood. i also find astarion bg3 hot as fuck. i fail to see how these are mutually exclusive experiences.

can i guarantee that no biphobia or lesbophobia has wormed its way into my brain? of course not, but it is so strange that embracing both those terms brands you as someone who hates both. it's also strange to exclude people from terms on the basis of internalized shame. why care if some people call themselves bi lesbians? does it feel invalidating to you? that's your own work-- same as women who think afab nonbinary people are really just women who are ashamed of being a woman and therefore should continue living as "women". (ie it's not my job to choose an identity that you approve of or think is free of shame. you figure it out.) are you worried it invalidates us in the eyes of the heteros? i simply don't believe in policing our own terms to make cishets see us as more valid or understandable. it's disguised respectability politics, plain and simple.

all these terms for our identities are best fits and best guesses, grasping for connections under this big lovely queer umbrella. the person who reblogged that post is a nonbinary lesbian. why do the same people who accept the concept of a nonbinary lesbian-- a thing that should be impossible if the term "lesbian" has actually calcified as the post claims-- insist that "bisexual" and "lesbian" are concrete, immovable, and mutually exclusive identities? to be extremely clear, i support nonbinary lesbianism. it's valid. and it's a weird fucking line to draw, saying that the gender spectrum can support loosely-gendered lesbianism on the side of the beholder but not the recipients.

there was also a historical argument claiming that people are misinterpreting contexts in which bisexual lesbian was used circa early 20th century. and like... okay??? i found the term in a pdf zine from the 90's which interviewed self-identified bisexual lesbians, gleaning a bunch of different reasons for the label. some fell into the assumptions of the aforementioned post, eg bisexuals who were basically political lesbians. (i don't claim to support this stance, though i do still insist people can call themselves whatever they want.) many more summarized complicated stories like mine, people who did not fall neatly into either "mutually exclusive" category because, it turns out, gender is a fluid weird spectrum. bi lesbians whose attractions are bi and gender is lesbian. bi lesbians who were literally only into women except for one "man". bi lesbians who were trying to untangle comphet and so weren't sure which label, if either, fit. bi lesbians who liked to fuck any gender but only fell in love with "women". so anyway, fuck outta here with "history doesn't work like that" narrow target practice.

and even if that's true... again, words are evolving all the time. we've made words like sapphic and achillean to make some sense of gender. "lesbian" has on-off been used as a gender term for decades. we've invited nonbinary people into lesbianism and many understandings of gender into bisexuality. bi lesbian is another evolution of our language, and people have been shitty about it since at least the early days of DTWOF-- bechdel's characters struggled with all of the above since the 80's.

and what's the point of terms? to find community, self- identity, and sometimes practical utility, eg in the dating world. were i to date again (yikes), "bisexual" would not be a helpful self-descriptor for finding a romantic partner. lesbian would. if i wanted to hook up, bisexual would be more helpful than lesbian, and i'd have to root through lots of gender expressions anyway. so in terms of my self identity and finding communities of similar folk, "bi lesbian" is a super helpful term. if you are a bisexual or a lesbian and feel frustrated or confused by my term, that's because it doesn't apply to you. maybe just realize this isn't your thing and leave our community to explore our experiences. love you, see you later in the sapphic tags where we have things in common.

so anyway, i think it's pretty silly to see a term, imagine reasons you dislike for why someone may use it, and pitch a fit. my identity's legitimacy has no bearing on yours. leave us alone.

[cowboy-romance]

I know this is definitely not a unique experience, which is a blessing and a curse of its own, but it's still mine to tell. Even if it's talking to the void.

I've teetered between identifying as bisexual, gay and pansexual ever since I knew I loved men (that was solidified by 15-ish) . I've been with women/nonbinary people before (never penetrative, but lots and lots of mutual play) and I've enjoyed it, but there's always been a sense of hesitation and self-doubt in myself that has never been questioned with my attraction (sexual and romantic) towards men. I have never really been able to tell if that's out of my own emotional baggage of past experiences, or the constant questioning from family and friends and strangers, mostly just assuming I'm gay from the way I present. I don't think I've told the same story twice to people, always having to self-edit/censor some aspect of it to not stir things up or justify myself again. The routine I got into speaking about it never really bothered me until recently, when I just settled with calling myself gay to my work friends, most of whom are queer and would (hopefully) understand the nuance.

I've never had a problem being called gay or calling myself gay, even with the knowledge that I occasionally like play with the opposite gender, and I guess I've reserved calling myself bisexual with those I feel most comfortable/seen with. I haven't really felt the weight of it until now as I've gotten older, and it's not hard to imagine that men all over the world, since the beginning of time, have felt this way, where our mutual kinship of love and pride amidst struggle and confusion warms me.

I don't think there's an ultimate truth or one-stop label to my sexuality, or that I'll even care in 15 or 30 years down the line, but I know what I feel and love and experience in my mind and body and soul is real, and that I will be loved and appreciated and seen for who I am by my own people and community, bygone and in the here and now. That's my source of pride and strength.

[chaoticrobotics]

Unsure if this has been answered already, but what are everyone's romantic orientations and gender identities (if they're comfortable answering)?

[I don't think you'll get much of a straight answer from most of them (lol) mainly because most feel that it's not your business, while some are afraid of staff hearing them, and then others know what they like but don't have the name for it.

HOWEVER! I on the other hand am free to talk about my headcanons for them without having to beat around the bush lol! (just going with main animatronics and not my OCs since I am still working on those)

Freddy (He/Him)

Pansexual. Homoromantic. Leans a bit more to masculine people but still likes more feminine people. Identifies as a man.

Chica (She/Her)

Bisexual. Biromantic. Likes looking at anyone she thinks is cute. Identifies as a woman.

Roxanne (She/Her)

Lesbian. Homoromantic. Likes women and more fem presenting people. Identifies as a woman most of the time.

Monty (He/Him, rarely They/Them)

Gay/MLM. Polyamorous. Doesn't care about body type. Identifies as a man most of the time.

Bonnie (He/Him)

Gay/MLM. Homoromantic. Prefers bigger body types. Identifies as a man.

Foxy (He/Him, rarely They/Them)

Asexual. Polyromantic. Doesn't care too much for finding love, but doesn't care what his partner could potentially identify as if he ever finds love. Identifies as a man and nonbinary at times. Genderfluid.

Sun (He/They)

Asexual. Aromantic. Not looking for a relationship right now, but wouldn't mind one day being in a Queer Platonic Relationship. Does not identify as a gender. Nonbinary.

Moon (He/They with strangers, He/They/It/She with friends)

Uranic/MLM. Polyamorous. Leans more towards masc presenting people. Identifies as a man a lot of the time, or as nothing, sometimes as a woman. Genderfluid.

DJMM (He/They)

Demisexual. Demiromantic. Doesn't have a preference for who their partner is, as long as there is a strong connection between the two. Identifies as a man sometimes, usually as nothing. Libramasculine. (<<<this is means DJ is mostly agender but does at times identify as a man)

Eclipse (They/He/It)

Unlabeled. So far they have not shown interest in any kind of relationship. Identifies as nothing. Agender.

And yeah! I think that's all the main cast! I don't have ideas yet for Vanessa or Mapbot, and only have vague ideas for Octavia, Alex, and Sean. Haven't thought about the Minis either, other than they all go by any pronouns. I have other headcanons for other animatronics as well, but I just stuck with the Pizzaplex ones since I think that's what you were wanting lol]

[androgynousblackbox]

Things that bother me as a pan/bi person from the bi community (and everyone in general)

The titite is somewhat clickbait because many of the things I am going to talk about are stuff I have seen from people all over the rainbow and even outside of it. It’s not especial of the bi community at all. But I know, I just know many of you out there are never going to read about pansexuality or a pan’s person experience or, god forbid, panphobia unless somehow I also make it about you or make it seem like I am going to join the ever so useless and worthless “bi vs pan” discourse.   Also, I am pissed because I keep seeing videos from bi people making videos talking about the entire mpsec experience, getting shit incredibly wrong and just fucking never including a pan perspective or really any input at all from anyone who isn’t bi already. So consider this also my opportunity to vent. If you never did any of the things I am about to talk about, congratulations, this is not about you. If you did any of them and never thought before about how it could ever be bad, it’s okay, now you know. If you think me, as a bi person, cannot talk about my own community about the issues I see inside of it, goodbye. Let’s start, shall we. 1. Always bringing out “the history of how pan is problematic actually” whenever anyone as much mention the existence of pan Let’s put it this way: bisexuality wasn’t always understood and defined by everyone as it was on the manifesto (published by the renamed Bi and Pan Network, funny how everybody forgets that!). If someone says it was, they are lying. There was a moment in which bisexual women and lesbian were one and the same. There was a moment in which bisexual was a biological term to talk about intersexual. Queer is literally a slur that we decided with time to take as our badge of honor. Literally every single word that queer people use for themselves had complicated histories and, yes, problematic ones too. But we don’t bring out how bisexual “is actually about being intersex” whenever bi people talk, we generally understand that telling to an openly queer person “you can’t use queer, that is a slur!” is on bad taste. And yet, some people feel way too fucking comfortable weaponizing their own understand of history whenever it comes to pan people and then making it our own problem, as if we have to respond to memes from the fucking 2012 about “hearts, not parts” in order to defend our right to exist as pan people now. I would never even think making every single bi person responsible for every single shitty thing a bi person has ever done, so why is okay to do it for pan people as a whole? Why I keep seeing long comments talking about “the history” whenever someone just talks about being pan at all and nobody calls that out as the shitty move that it is? By the way, this has another face: when a pan person talks about having a bad experience with the bi community, a bi person or literally anyone else, for being pan specifically, and some person comes bludging their way through to talk in direct response about how they have met pan people wanting to force to identify as pan when they are bi, as if they expect this pan to shut up about their own issues in order to respond for those fucking randos that have nothing to do with them or what they were talking about..This is rude, just in principle, but also so fucking entitled? To expect and demand attention for your complaints AS A RESPONSE to someone talking about their own grievances? Imagine that you literally just hurt yourself impacting your toe against the table, said “oh” and someone comes crashing the window to tell you that OH BUT YOUR TWICE REMOVE COUSIN THOUGH, he told me I am ugly, therefore you have nothing to complain about! It sounds absurd because it is absurd, and yet, so fucking normal to undermine pan people’s experiences like this. 2. They have the history all fucking wrong

On one hand you have the people who will actually use the manifesto (again, published by the Bi and Pan Network, in case you forgot) to try to define pansexuality out of existence. “See, see! Bi ALREADY means attraction to all gender so we don’t need pansexuality and therefore pansexual people are actually biphobes for even implying that our identity is not enough for everyone!” That exact same manifesto you all use as your hammer of truth literally tells you to fuck off. “Many of us choose not to label ourselves anything at all, and find the word 'bisexual' to be inadequate and too limiting. Do not assume that the opinions expressed are shared by all bisexuals, by those actively involved in the Bisexual Movement, by the ATM staff, or the BABN Board of Directors.”

The people who literally wrote the manifesto are supportive of people identifying as pan, so what the actual fuck do you think you are doing pretending as if our mere existence is somehow erasure? Those exact same people would think you are a fool. Just imagine how you look right now, not that different. On the other hand, you have supposed “experts” who will tell you, with absolutely confidence, that pansexuality originated in Tumblr, that was born out of MOGAI (which shows too how they DO NOT understand MOGAI either because the point of it was to include everyone, even bi, so technically speaking bi, lesbian and gay are also under the umbrella of MOGAI) because they screenshotted one image of the flag coming from a tumblr user. This is very fucking easy to debunk information. If you do want to research the history of pan, it’s not difficult to find at all. But these “experts” couldn’t be fucking bothered to do a single google research because, what, who cares, right? The cherry on top is when, from these misinformation, then they come out with even more fucking wild assumptions that literally anyone can debunk: things like how “nobody does pan activist offline” or how pan people do not have an actual history or activist history at all. Those are all fucking lies that panphobes just keep repeating without ever recieving the backlash that they deserve. 3. Every talk about panphobia has to be a talk about biphobia actually, panphobia doesn’t exist I can’t tell you the amount of times I have seen pan people talking any particular way they have been targetted for being pan (erasure, discrimination, you name it), only for the response to be “oh but I have lived the same and I am bi, therefore it’s actually biphobia and we should be talking about that first!” Like how fucking ass way is that to act.  An extension of this is on other things, like how people will say “I just define pan as bi with another name/it’s a microlabel for bi” and then are SHOCKED that you have the goal to call that panphobia. How can it panphobic if they recognize people can identify as pan? Shouldn’t be enough that they aren’t being attacked for using the label? The thing is, they do get attacked for using the label and saying “okay, but you are actually bi so it’s fine uwu” is just another form of erasure. Also another reason why many people prefer mspec as a umbrella term rather than “bi umbrela/bi spectrum”. Pansexual people, just like polysexual, omnisexual and trisexual identify as those term because those are the term that resonate with them, that describe their experience and just feel right to them. Can you not imagine for one second how insulting it is to have someone come and tell you that no, actually you are this other term you don’t want or have anything to do with, because we said so. Bisexuality is not a default identity. It’s a full identity on itself, just like pansexuality/polysexualy/omnisexuality are full identities on themselves that deserve their own recognition without being shoved with other group. 4. The belief that somehow pansexual people are “escaping” biphobia and are more accepted for being pan This is just blatantly, objectively, factually and logically wrong. It doesn’t make any fucking sense. Literally all the crap that bi people lived, pan people lived it as well but they also have to live with everything above and see it go unchallenged by very vocal bi “activists” who preach about how the rest of the LGBT+ community doesn’t support them and somehow never realize that doesn’t happen for pan people either. It’s not a competion, but if it was, why do you assume you would win by default? Being pan is not a escape of fucking anything except identifying specifically as bi. That is the only thing that changes, but the erasure, the discrimination, the people creating stereotypes about you, defining your identity without your consent, calling you names for using a label over another, treating you as an invader for coming into “monosexual spaces”, people considering you not enough straight and not enough queer? Pan people live all of that too, also from the LGBT+ community. And our bi siblings treating us as somehow the privileged bunch that don’t know what they go through doesn’t help shit. 5. All the faces of bi vs pan discourse

The mere fact that there is such a thing like battleaxe bis is frankly embarassing enough, it is embarassing for me, but then there is this whole attitude where we can’t even mention the existence of pan without bringing bi people first. The only time pan (bad) history is brought up is by talking about bi history. Pan people’s issues are rarely discuss with as much openness and support as bi people’s ones. I have yet to see a single “LGBT+ activist” on youtube making a single video about panphobia. But videos about bi vs pan discourse where they do literally everything I said above, and more, those even right now I keep seeing and I am so fucking tired that I am meant to see this as a good thing, as support, because see, they AKNOWLEDGE pansexuality exist, isn’t that enough? No, it isn’t. Pan people deserve more than that. We all do. They are not tag alongs, they are not a second thought, they are not just part of this fucking ridiculous joke of a discourse. They are an actual group of people who keep living and having issues even when June is over and peope move on. They are not “bi with another name”, “another name for bi”, “another face of bi”. They are full blown identities with our own long and complicated history beyond this fucking joke of a website, beyond your discourse, beyond the two pan people who told you “eh, shouldn’t you be pan if you like all?” one time in twitter or wherever the fuck, beyond any relationship with bisexuality as a whole. And it bother me so fucking much because it’s more about “bi and pan solidarity uwu!” rather than pan support, uplifting pan people, pan positivity, as if we don’t exist anywhere else and don’t have any other issues outside of this imaginery silly boxing match against bi people, who should be the people who understand pan people better than anyone else, should know exactly what it is to be redefined, ignored and talked over by other, but many, way too many, are not.  Fuck, I have even seen “activist” criticizing how pan people don’t go out to support bi people or fight for bi issues (which is a fucking lie, again, think the Bi and Pan Network) and yet have their entire body work being about bi people, bringing up pan just to say how injust is that have that label force on them when they are bi, just bi, entirely bi and not a flavor of pan. But pan people want to do the same for themselves, talk for their own shit for once and get accused of throwing bi people under the bus. It’s like people treat us as cojointed twins, but only one of them is generally accepted as their own individual while the other is kept in that same position no matter what they do. This is not to put down the bi community. I know we can be a welcoming, understanding, warm and open community. But we need to do better because right now, we are not doing that and this shit, this exact shit, only harm us all and won’t ever help us in the long run. Do better.

[s0lar-ch3ri]

(serious post) talking bout things i need to.

alright, this isnt going to be some "oh haha funni" post like i always do. i need to speak out or it feels like no one else will. you can not read this if you want, i just want to talk about them. (organized into paragraphs) there will be triggering topics i'll speak about and ill try to trigger them appropriately.

theres a surplus of youtubers who react to "fat tiktok" and its never any positivity. these videos get hundreds of thousands of views, and im pretty sure no one sees whats wrong with it. i am considered to be in a "plus size" range, and the videos fucking hurt. its stupid because the whole idea of that side of tiktok is to show that being okay with not being barbie is okay, and its always judged negatively. no, im not fucking over reacting when theres videos talking about how that entire side of tiktok should be gone. yes, there are toxic parts on that side, but i dont tell you to get off youtube or whatever your on because something you like has a toxic part of it. its fucking stupid that these guys (its like all guys) think they have the right to look at these videos and call them cringe over and over and over and then think theyve made a good video or done a good job. i agree, promoting obesity isnt that good a thing, but dont shame the entirety of a community because one person did it. no one who has done these videos has tried to apologize if theyre being offensive, theyre just like "dont hate us if these guys are cringe lol". its not hard, this is just restating the idea of barbie bodies being better. its not hard to let people be happy with how they look. like i said, "fat tok" is not an angel and has problems which can be addressed but judging the full part and saying it should be gone as a whole is just fucking fat phobic. can we stop mixing bisexual and pansexual? they have different names for a reason. bisexual and pansexual arent the same and yet theyre still mixed FOR NO REASON. bisexual is where you feel attraction for 2 genders (thus the prefix bi which means 2) and pansexual is attraction is regardless of gender. my sibling is the main reason i want to talk about this, being bisexual and being pansexual arent the same. if your bi, that doesnt mean your pan and vise versa. i struggled with labels for a shit ton of 2020-2021 and even this year, and hearing labels made so people can actually make sense of how they feel and know theyre not alone (i feel like it for me) getting mixed around with each other hurts. to me, its erasing identities by just saying theyre one. idgaf if you or someone identifies as both, thats fine. saying theyre one in the same is not. i hate those memes of "girls vs boys". they arent even fucking funny, theyre just cringe sexist stereotyping "jokes" put out to be consumed and for those who watch or see them to believe that theyre good and funny and okay. they arent. stereotypes arent cool, going "haha woman stupid" isnt funny, shut up. the boys vs girls memes always make the girls do something "stupid" first, then shows the boys being chads or some shit. for example, that boys vs girls time machine meme. the girls always go to see an ancestor of theirs, while the boys go do some crazy shit in the past. you may think theres nothing wrong, but there is. the way its shown and made is to show that girls are weird but boys are cool. the entire idea of the joke is that girls are stupid. its with every topic these memes have that the girls are in the wrong because theyre dumb for doing this or that. i know what some people think: "oh, your biologically a woman, so of COURSE this isnt funny to you and your just taking offense cause your a drama queen" or whatever shit. the reasoning there is fucking stupid, me being a woman that takes offense shows the joke is offensive and shouldnt be made. also, i bet some guys with brains would find the jokes uncomfortable. sexism isnt funny to anyone but 60 year old boomers that make "i hate my wife" jokes. if your wondering why its not that many, im shortening it so it can actually post. the other triggers will be added in the reply to this, dw.