#i did a bunch of chores and then got so stressed thinking about having to go to the internship again tomorrow

[riverfish-jpg]

uhHH ANOTHER WIP?

[honeytonedhottie]

what i learned during my reflection period⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🧖🏽‍♀️🎀

as you may or may not have noticed, i've been hiatus for most of the month now. and i disappeared because of personal reasons, and one of those reasons being that i felt i needed to reflect. here are some things that i've learned and realized during my reflection time.

this is quite personal to me, but i wanted to kind of have a heart to heart with you guys and im sure that someone is probably struggling with what i mention in this post so i hope this is comforting...💬🎀

WHY I FELT STUCK IN MY LOA JOURNEY ;

i was literally doing the most and it felt like such a chore at the time. i would force myself to affirm in ways that felt unnatural, i was letting myself get bullied by the 3D, even though i KNOW i dont have to do a thing. i was putting way too much effort in the wrong way.

WHAT'D I DO ABOUT IT ;

i took a step back and RELAXED. i did what felt natural again and enjoyed manifesting again and because of that i've had success story after success story...💬🎀

DOING A SELF AUDIT ;

i wanted to take a second and expose toxic behaviors and patterns that i noticed i exhibit and that have started to affect not only my physical but my mental in a very very negative way.

i'd been struggling with regulating my emotions and managing them so i was a walking ball of stress 💀. a beautiful ball of stress but stress nonetheless. i just felt so stuck.

WHAT'D I DO ABOUT IT ;

i went through the motions and after having a total meltdown and doing a bit of journalling i released everything, giving myself a completely clean slate once more.

i did a bit of a refresh and did miscellaneous things to make myself feel like im starting again. things like self concept work, changing the theme of my phone, taking an everything shower + bubble bath, having a pinterest makeover and getting a trim on my hair.

i forced myself to drink more water, and go for long walks not only to get some sunlight but to get my heart pumping and push myself out of the depressive rot that i had been in for months internally, but had pushed itself out as soon as summer started.

THE DEATH OF A SITUATIONSHIP ;

i got really attached to this boy 😭 but he was such a piece of work. like he did that hot and cold shit, but i rly rly liked him so i ignored the obvious red flags. but i got to a point where i just felt used and embarrassed. upon further reflection i think i didn't wanna let him go because he was so fine 💀, like 6'5 muscular kind of fine.

no matter how handsome a guy is if he has an ugly personality or if he just treats u badly then hes not fine at all...💬🎀

WHAT'D I DO ABOUT IT ;

i went no contact. thats like the easiest way to get over someone i think lol. i went no contact and i just manifested better things for myself. like being asked out by a bunch of guys and wingstop to comfort myself 🧋

also i focused on what i got out of the whole thing. i got the redirection that i wanted, PLUS i was filled with inspiration for my song writing.

SONG RECOMMENDATIONS ;

i want war (BUT I NEED PEACE) - kali uchis

eternal sunshine - jhene aiko

let you go - clara la san

needy - ariana grande

AT THE END OF THE DAY ;

i wanted to include this section as a reminder that everyone goes through shit. things happen. its okay to be affected by it and its okay to be sad. the most important thing is to not dwell on it too long. remember that you are not a victim and remember how amazing you are BECAUSE YOU ARE. you are amazing and no matter what happens, regardless of anything your gonna be okay and your gonna be in a much better place, it starts with putting one foot in front of the other...💬🎀 (love honey)

[huellitaa]

౨ৎ ⋆｡˚girly girl's guide to journalling 🩰 ๋࣭ ⭑

˚₊‧꒰ა benefits of journalling ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

• helps to regulate emotions

• understand yourself better

• a fun pass time! ♡

• analyse you, your habits, thoughts, etc

• de-stresses, relieves & relaxes

• productive & away from social media

• gives you control over something

• a way for you to get everything out, big or small, good or bad ♡

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ chapter 1: beginnings

ok! so journalling is mentioned a lot in the girlblogger, wonyoungism, self growth, loa etc etc side of tumblr but when i actually took that advice started it was really really daunting and i procrastinated it for aaaages. so this is here to help you start a fun girly hobby that will help you out on your journey 🩷🎀

♡ the most important thing when beginning ur girl journal is figuring out its purpose. is it to plan, is it to document, is it for healing, is it for personal development, is it for manifestation, is it to glow up, is it for creativity, is it just to have fun? it makes it a lot easier to think of ideas once you have a set purpose in mind, but obviously it can be anything you want, any combination of these, or something other than these. i personally do a combination of emotional healing, personal development, manifestation, glow up, gratitude & just having fun, but its whatever u want bae. <3

♡ okay! first plan of action; get a notebook. obviously. lined or plain, black or white, big or small doesn't matter. anything you feel most comfortable and most drawn to. ♡

♡ second, establish a range of pens, pencils, colours, etc. you're going to be using so you can keep consistent (if thats your thing) and make it all pretty! you can tailor this to you in any way; said range doesn't have to be big, you can literally just use the same biro and 2 colours, pencils, all the colours, one colour, or none if you want; its all yours! ♡

♡ lastly, i'd suggest to gather a bunch of stickers and materials and fun cute things ur gonna add in the pages of your journal, as it makes it pop off the page and look more visually appealing and layed and feel more interesting overall. i use stickers, coloured paper, ribbons, receipts, doodles, print outs, logos, labels, gems, sticky notes, and things i find from my daily life too. you don't have to do that much or any at all if you don't want to, but i highly recommend it! just for ur personal enjoyment ♡

one thing i'd suggest is trying not to keep a strict schedule on it, like "i have to journal every day etc" because i did this and it demotivated me sooo much. don't do that! just do it when you feel you want to! it's supposed to be fun, not a chore!

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ chapter 2: setup

♡ okay so! once you've got all the basics set up, i feel it should be pretty self explanatory from here onwards, but since this is a guide i'm not gonna leave u by yourself. this is optional, but if you're planning on making journalling a hobby or a regular habit, i'd say the first thing you wanna do is enhance & expand. find some plastic folders to attach or create paper pockets or little sections where you can put resources to stick in in ur journal so you have more space, customise, and so on. i feel this is very overlooked but its sooo fun and its really creative and and makes it so unique to you <3

♡ one thing i'd suggest too if you're doing this especially or just for any type of journal really is looking on pinterest for inspo!! this is for everything really. covers, layouts, page inspo, page ideas, customisation, journal prompts, shadow work, titles, doodles etc. i keep a board of these on my pinterest & it really helps <3

♡ one of the first things i did when i set up my journal a few months ago was do one page just an index of pages to make so i had a basic structure to go off of. this went from basic journal pages you see everywhere like about me pages n all that to the most obscure shit you could possibly imagine. this is helpful because it gives you a frame to work off of when you're at a loss for what to do in ur journal. i already have a post on this so i really recommend that if ur looking for ideas cus there's LOADS <3

another thing on pinterest; don't force urself to stick to a specific theme you've found or try and avoid doing or writing certain things in ur journal cus you wanna stick to a specific aesthetic! again, it's supposed to be fun, not a chore, and it's supposed to be completely unique to you, like a physical version of your inner world. its perfectly fine to take inspo, just remember its yours. you are your own person & you don't have to show it to anyone, it doesn't have to make sense to them, just have fun 🩷

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ chapter 3: resources

links ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

@prissygrlsorority's beauty binder

journalling index by yours truly <3

shadow work prompts for literally everything

@prettygirlmjmjmj's personal journalling prompts

@honeytonedhottie's diary guide

inspo ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

lots of love! <3

[yarameijer]

Hiiii Yara!!!!

I have changed accounts bc I forgot my password, but I was Flan-Girl304! I have been commenting in ur fics for years now lol, except in the last couple of updates, bc, yk, lost my password.

Anyways, I was rereading Accidental Reverse, as one does, and now I really want to know your opinion on the relationship between Sengoku and Tenma, because I love the idea of Sengoku being so protective and caring of the rest of the team and noticing Tenmas problems/struggles early on.

He really is like a pilar of peace between all the chaos of raimon, isn't he? (Most of the time)

Also, completely unrelated, but I just realized how long it has been since Accidental Reverse started, I was still in school. Now I'm on my last year in pyschology. And now knowing the struggles of university, I absolutely understand ur updating schedule, I haven't updated my own fics in ageeeees. But I'm still hyped for whatever you decide to post in the future!

Anyways, hope you're doing well!!!

WHOAAA I CAN’T BELIEVE IT, it’s been so long!!! Hi!!! How have you been??

I'm good, just super tired! University's been pretty demanding and I ended up pulling an all-nighter last night to almost completely finish my thesis, so I am going to bed very very soon.

‘’rereading, as one does’’ you know it’s almost 300K, right

Aww Sangoku, yes we love him. He’s great. He’s the best, hands down. He’s the voice of reason, the eye of the storm; he fades into the background when compared to other members on the team, both in terms of personality and appearance (...pink hair, anyone?)

I headcanon that Sangoku is the eldest on the team and that makes him feel responsible for his teammates. We know from the anime he’s already a very caring and responsible person, as shown by his interactions with his mother; she works late often, so he is in charge of groceries and cooking and other chores. He was canonically captain before Shindou and never really got rid of some habits from that time.

Which means that, just like Shindou, Sangoku understands Tenma's struggles as captain and tries to support him as much as possible; he did the same thing when Shindou was made captain after him, although of course the specifics are different because Tenma and Shindou are different. Sangoku doesn't really interfere with the leadership part; he's not one of the loudest voices on the team, and he doesn't want to be. He can leave the decision making to Shindou, Kirino, Tenma, Tsurugi, all the more outspoken members, all more qualified and talented than him - that’s what he thinks.

Instead he tries to help in more subtle ways: by caring.

(This doesn’t just apply to Tenma, of course. Sangoku keeps an eye on the whole team - literally and figuratively. He’s the keeper, he’s always in the back, always in position to keep watch over his teammates during a match, and that doesn’t end when the match does.)

He keeps an eye on Tenma whenever he can. Does he look tired? Upset? Ill? If Sangoku notices this, depending on the severity, there's a few different things he might do. If it's not that bad, he'll usually cue in the other first-years and let them drag Tenma along to hang out and unwind for a bit. The quickest way to get Tenma to forget about his worries for a bit is to let him spend time with his yearmates and act his age. They're a chaotic bunch and there's no room for worry or stress there.

If it's worse, Sangoku might interfere more directly. If it's more of an internal problem in the team, Sangoku can and will tell the others to lay off (Shindou means well, but sometimes he gets carried away). The rest of the team listens to him, and this is a rare enough event that the few times he's had to do it, it's been very effective.

If it's an external problem, Sangoku can't honestly do much. In those cases the whole team is stressed and trying to support each other, and as much as he wishes he could, Sangoku can't just go up to their opponents and tell them to knock it off. Instead, he'll ensure (by teaming up with the managers) that there's enough snacks and drinks present for everyone, and try to keep them all calm and rational.

Sometimes, when Tenma is being especially stubborn, Sangoku will outright scold him and tell him to go home, go to bed, take a break. Tenma definitely doesn't like this, but he respects Sangoku too much to deny him.

It's even happened a few times that someone else on the team cued in Sangoku. They know Tenma will listen to him, even when he's being stubborn, and they're not afraid to misuse it.

And always Sangoku is just ready with a listening ear, an offer to help, little check-ins, even when nothing bad is happening and Tenma is just busy or mildly stressed.

Like I said, Sangoku does this with most of the team, but he's more aware of Tenma. This, again, stems from having been captain himself. Early on, when Tenma became captain, Sangoku worried and tried to make sure the kid was doing alright, and that just stuck. Even years later after Tenma has proven himself more than capable, it's an old instinct that Sangoku can't get rid of.

And Tenma doesn’t really… know? Sure, after being captain for so long, he knows the dynamics of his team. How Sangoku is the voice of reason - no, rather, how he’s the calm inside the storm, the one who worries quietly and cares for them all and has taken the responsibility to watch over them through their craziest adventures and laziest days. He knows, by logical reasoning and several late night instances where Sangoku was the one to check up on him and tell him to get some rest, that Sangoku does it for him too and he appreciates that more than he could ever say. He just doesn’t notice that Sangoku is a little more keyed into his well being specifically - probably the only one who does is Shindou, and that’s because Shindou is the exact same way, for the exact same reason (they both agreed to make yet another first-year captain, when they know the burden of it; they refuse to let him drown under the pressure).

So Tenma hasn’t noticed, is not as close with Sangoku as some of their other teammates, and Sangoku honestly doesn’t mind. Truth be told, after so much time he barely notices it himself, it’s just become a habit.

Their relationship is interesting because they don't really hang out outside of the team - sure, if the team will go out together, they'll both join if they can, but they don't usually meet up with just the two of them. They’re both closer with other people on the team. Their relationship originated as simply senpai and kouhai - Sangoku feeling a sense of responsibility towards a younger teammate, Tenma looking up and listening to an older teammate. And yet it’s grown so much from what it was. Tenma knows Sangoku's door is always open and he can always count him. Sangoku respects Tenma as his captain, and cares for him as a friend rather than a kouhai.

Funnily enough, they’ve got a bit of a similar opinion on taking care of the rest of the team. Perhaps Tenma has been unconsciously imitating Sangoku’s behavior in the way he cares for them, and even handles them when they’re acting rash. It actually makes Sangoku his biggest ally in getting the team to behave! As we see in Accidental Reverse, Tenma is fully capable of being the craziest on the team, but in his actual timeline where he's captain, he's usually the semi-responsible one, if you'll believe it (in his defense, if something happens, he's the one who has to deal with the paperwork). And Sangoku is most often the voice of reason on the team, so he will fully support Tenma when they're trying to get the team to NOT do anything stupid for once.

So yeah. In summary, this is a relationship that was at the start nothing more than regular senpai and kouhai, and funnily enough never changed much in their roles - but the sentiment behind it? That has become much more genuine. Sangoku doesn’t look out for Tenma and feel responsible because that’s what is expected of him, but because it’s Tenma. And Tenma doesn’t respect and listen to Sangoku because he’s older, but because Sangoku has time and time proven that there are few people Tenma truly appreciates and admires more.

So! I hope you enjoyed that. Oh, don’t mention how long I’ve been working on AR, I know exactly how you feel. I uploaded the preview for it on my sixteenth birthday. In less than three weeks I’ll be celebrating my twenty-third.

I am still planning to continue though, I just need to deal with stubborn characters who don’t want to be written, tss.

It was really great hearing from you again!

[mediocrelanguagelearner]

It's hard to not be good at something you thought you'd be.

Back in January I proofread a novel for a big publishing house. I was really excited for this opportunity because I enjoy proofreading and it feels like a job I'd could to do full time, one day. I was also excited to work on a book and to see my name published by a real publisher, you know. It was my first time doing something like this.

The work was hard, the deadline was two weeks, which is standard, but with my regular full time job it was just too short. I basically came home after 8-9 hours of staring into a computer at my work only to stare into a computer for another 4 hours. I basically worked at least 12 hours a day + all weekends. For two weeks. But I enjoyed the work process, I had some good music on and felt like I'm learning new things every day. I liked having a project to work on. But I was stressed a lot, I was behind my schedule, I wasn't sleeping as much, I had almost no free time or time to do any chores around the house.

I was really proud of myself when I sent the finished work back. I discovered a bunch of mistakes and fixed them, not just grammar ones but also mistakes in translation (which shouldn't be my job). It took them a long time to answer but they weren't happy with my work. I got a lot of notes to what I did wrong and I felt like some of those things were a bit unfair – I wasn't told to pay attention to some, some others I warned them about before hand, some were just things we disagreed on when the rules allow both possibilities. But I of course made some mistakes I shouldn't have, I didn't discover some things I should have. I apologised for that.

They were willing to give me one more shot – but I'd have to do it for free since somebody would have to check it again after I'm done with it. I was thinking about it for a long time and decided I'd like to try it again – I didn't want to give up at the first inconvenience, this is a skill I'd like to improve and it really felt like a future job possibility. So I told them I'd do it, but under the condition that I'd get more time to do it. Two weeks is just not enough, not when I have a full time job.

Well today they answered and said I can't have more time. Which I understand. They offered more time for this proofreading I'd be doing for free. But the book is 1/3 longer than the previous one, so the extra time isn't really extra time at all – I'd have to work at the same speed to finish before deadline. I thought about all this a lot today and ended up deciding I won't be doing it. It was a hard decision, it feels a bit like I'm giving up. Like I did something and failed and gave up. I tried having a positive mindset about it all, to think I can learn everything I need to learn, but maybe it is just too much work. Maybe I don't have the right intuition for proofreading. It sucks not to be good at something you hoped you'd be.

I just hope I made the right call. Who knows, maybe I'll get the chance again some day. Or maybe not... maybe I'll do something better?

[eoieopda]

okay i have another head canon 🫣🫣 feed into my delusions jade i fucking dare you. all right, how about travelling with them for the first time since you started dating? i wonder what that would be like 👀👀

namjoon is praying you don’t break up with him at your terminal because he forgot his passport at home. he’d understand if you did, tbh. he’s disappointed (but not surprised) at himself. when you just laugh (because it’s as funny as it is infuriating, okay??) he’s over the moon. he’s taking you to a bunch of significant cultural and historical sites, museums, etc., and he’s gonna tell you everything that giant sponge brain has absorbed. he’s def reading some almanac or similar shit on the plane to study up.

seokjin doesn’t have a plan/itinerary, but he does have a massive list of all the restaurants he wants to hit, wineries/breweries/distilleries you might come across, etc. and he actually does a good job of keeping you calm with all the travel stress by being a giant fuckin goofball. this is the one situation where he’s not yelling, whining, etc. when he gets frustrated because he prioritizes your well-being 💕

yoongi has his shit right together, but in a very low key way. he doesn’t announce any of it, but he’s in full airport dad mode. he knows exactly when your flight is and how early you need to be there; he’s done the pre-boarding whatever the fuck. he somehow has any toiletry item you didn’t even think to bring. i guarantee he has tampons and tummy meds and shit, just in case. thoughtful bastard 😭 but don’t you dare comment on any of this or make it a big deal that he’s so prepared because he will blush to death.

hoseok is free as a fucking bird. he’s following the wind, babeeeeey. he is allergic to planning, doesn’t want to have a destination in mind. he’ll flip a coin to see where you’re flying. where are you staying? you’ll figure it out when you get tired. energy out the wazoo, too. no time for naps — you’ve got shit to do, people to meet, places to be!!

jimin strikes me as the anxious traveler type, so i bet he’s checking and re-checking all your reservations, making sure your backup plans have backup plans, etc., because he needs whatever you’re doing to go well and be 👏🏻 special 👏🏻. you must hold his hand at all times so you don’t get separated, and because he needs an anchor. he will most certainly, accidentally get wine drunk in the airport bar due to stress, lmao.

taehyung is — where is taehyung? you take your eyes of this guy for a second, and he’s 🏃🏻‍♂️ off doing taetae shit. you’ll have to follow a breadcrumb trail (it’s probably the shoes he kicked off, a dropped ascot, etc.) to find him. an unintentional scavenger hunt. when you do locate him, he’s staring wide-eyes at something scenic, speaking so poetically about how beautiful life is — and ya know what? he’s right. you saw the whole damn city while you were trying to find him, and you wouldn’t have, otherwise!! for real, you gotta get one of those backpack leashes like a lil kid at the zoo, otherwise…. hope you brought supportive footwear. your ass is getting those steps in 😵‍💫

jungkook is relying on you completely. he doesn’t know what’s going on, where he is, what he needs to get done, etc., so you’re gonna have to do allllll of the logistical work. HOWEVER, he makes it feel like it’s not a chore. it’s sooo fun because this boy is full of wonder, and so fucking eager. dude is down for whatever, just point the way.

[multiplydifficult]

Circumstances:

the assessed workload we were given was a stressful but likely manageable amount

then we got a bunch of unassessed homework on top of that

brain.exe stopped working. That was just too much stress.

haven't attended class in 3 days, done none of the ungraded homework. Spent yesterday afternoon napping / not able to drag myself out of bed after my nap

today i had headmate do morning stuff and some chores, which i am very appreciative of

now i am just sitting here desperately trying to get the internet to entertain me instead of working on the assessments

feelings:

the sheer workload created to much stress, it was overwhelming.

it lead me to a point where i was thinking that i'm not sure i want to do this career path

i'm the only one of my headmates who wants this, after all.

i know we intend to work part-time once we graduate but right now it feels like this is what our life is going to be like forever - no energy or time to ourselves to do actually fun things.

this makes me lose motivation to do any of the work

the extra homework we had to think about / start looking into also reduced the work we did on our assessments, which means the work on those have been delayed from the original plan

which then in turn increases how stressed i am about getting the work done

i'm kinda pissed off that the tutors have shoved so much work and stress on us, so there's some feelings of spite-avoiding doing the work. Like, i think of working and the immediate emotional reaction is "fuck you"

However:

i have been working toward this career Officially since fucking 2019.

this is a career that is meaningful to me. I like to be paid to help people 'cause that way i can spend more time helping people.

i would be so fucking ashamed to give up now. I would feel like a massive failure and i don't know how i'd explain that to anyone.

Officially giving up doesn't feel like an actual option for me, but that's not enough of a motivator to keep me actually working.

So. What now?

I don't know how to fix my feelings on this so i can do the work.

[marnz]

2023 review

an extremely long post re: thoughts on this year

2023 was an extremely weird and fun year of a lot of personal growth! Late last year I had to take leave from work due to some health issues originating from burn out, and going into this year I was extremely nervous about returning to work. I was also determined to do more events and activities this year, which was my ~covid resolution~. And this year turned out to be way different from anything I could have imagined! Not only was returning to work successful, I could quickly tell that the time I took off was instrumental to my health going forward. The skills and perspective shift I practiced and worked on quickly proved themselves to be really important and I felt much better in just about every situation with them on board. I don't want to pretend that this year wasn't difficult--it was, it was stressful and full of a lot of hard work and uncertainty because I did a lot of stuff I had never done before, and tried a lot of new things, and also tried to make some decisions regarding my future. But all of that growth led to some really good things, which I wanted to document.

Good things:

got my driver's license

started doing yoga, which has been great for stress relief. now at the point where I have started to do it independently instead of relying on a class

got back into knitting and knit my first sweater!

saw several shows this year! and I went to a lot of them with friends

befriended some people at work! I always find it challenging to make the leap from work-friend to friend, but turns out going to concerts with people makes that happen. This is also nice bc a lot of my local friends have moved away due to cost of living

made a lot of training progress with Piper. Walking her is so much easier & enjoyable now, and I think our relationship has gotten even better. This has been a multi year project.

read 63 books this year, 13 more than last year. Audiobooks have been a life saver, and reading didn't feel like a chore the way it did at the end of last year.

returned to work successfully, started working on cool projects at work, and have gotten some recognition for it!

went to europe! on a sort of delayed honeymoon

wrote a couple more short stories and worked on original long term fiction a bunch

spent more time kayaking! and more time outside in general, hiking, walking piper, running, etc

got elected VP of the union and became a shop steward, which has been both very rewarding and very challenging

set clear financial goals that I am making progress towards

started being able to eat eggs again! not sure how this happened but it's been a life saver. thank you, immune system.

survived getting covid 😩

started adderall and oh my god....a game changer.

got better at setting boundaries

next year, I would like to work on:

becoming a morning person! I used to be a morning person and then when I got really depressed I lost that power. I know it's possible for me if I take the right steps. I've already started working on it because i'm a masochist

running. I hear it's so good for stress relief and it is so common in my field, plus it is a more attainable form of outside time than hiking (requires driving long distances, waiting for weekend, etc) or kayaking (seasonal, requires buying kayaks, waiting for weekend). my psych also told me that apparently exercise helps stabilize mood and adhd! two things i could def benefit from. i started running today and uhh we'll see how it goes lol. also, i don't drink, i don't smoke, i don't use substances of any kind, give me that fucking runner's high

driving more. driver's license or no, driving still scares me! i want to get to the point where I feel comfortable driving long distances alone, such as being able to take someone to the airport if the train isn't running

continuing big projects at work. honestly I am still considering law school and these projects will give me the chance to think deeply about whether complex litigation is for me.

writing. to be honest, while I still think about my writing projects almost daily, writing just isn't a priority right now. And that's fine. I want to give myself some space and time. i would not have been able to say this a year ago...

using my phone less! something I've noticed is that my phone sometimes makes me feel pretty agitated or i feel overwhelmed by notifications? and that I am happier and able to focus better if my phone is in the other room. for example, when i take a bath I typically put my phone in another room and then i am able to read for hours. I would like to work on this.

continuing creative hobbies. such as knitting, doing more wood working, learning how to sew, etc. brain feel good...

moving & creating a home. we are moving early in the new year, which I am stressed about, but I'm also really excited because it will be a great new space and the location is really, really good. i want to work on making sure this place is as cozy and happy as possible, and also set it up so we can host guests so loved ones can come visit more easily

continuing to build a wardrobe i am happy with! I think I have written before that a lot of my work clothes make me feel like I'm wearing drag, and I'd like to fix that and also continue to knit myself customized pieces I love. like, a sweater vest to wear with a white button down, etc. gender wise i am just vibing but I like menswear more and I would like to continue exploring that

this year I have spent more time talking with my dad and my partner about the future, and while I am still considering law school everyone, including me, is worried about my health w/r/t that, let alone financial shit. my thoughts on this are...I need to have a solid stress management infrastructure in place to be a happy person, regardless of what I do in the future. Knitting & yoga & taking Piper on very long walks daily, plus having stuff to look forward to (shows), has really helped me this year, so I would like to continue exploring that.

as far as work...well I would like it to dictate my life less. right now I'm working from home (office is being remodeled) and I feel like the most boring person alive because I am just. home all the time. I do find work novel because last year I was doing high stress complex litigation and absolutely falling apart over it and this year I'm so chill while doing the same sort of thing. mainly because I have spent so many hours building stress management processes, working on perfectionism, getting perspective, and i've recovered from burn out. game fucking changer! my workload is way too high really high right now, which I don't love, and I keep being put in extremely challenging situations! but that's okay.

anyway. I don't want to misrepresent my life and claim it was exclusively wins this year...there were some really difficult months. December in particular has been so hard. but I'm really happy that I tried so much new stuff this year and I'm excited for 2024.

sending love to y'all! <3

[marisoft-paint-adventures]

Pgs. 214-247

it’s her.

Rope Lalope.

icon for weird goths who for some reason decide to live in the Midwest, those who can somehow still enjoy Lovecraft while knowing the truth of his fucking cat, and

I don’t think WLW ships have ever been the same since the advent of The Rosemary from The Homestuck,

or if I want to sound like a fuckin goofy ass oldhead, femslash.

the thing is that I cannot identify any actual concrete change in general fandom and shipping post-HS, I just feel it. I can feel that something within the universe’s structure changed the moment grimdark gorl and sparkly gay vampire got together.

but I’m talking about a character that hasn’t even shown up yet.

also front facing Rose is fucking haunting stop please.

[insert dabbing joke here.]

the fucking haunting violin refrain flash is so good I love how her movements sync up with the song.

not gonna gush about Aggrieve the same way as Showtime because come on it’s fucking Showtime, but Aggrieve is still very much up there.

Since your good for nothing friend is obviously not going to bail you out in time, you issue words of parting fondness to dear, sweet Liv. Oh, if only Affleck could have been the one to make the final sacrifice instead of her stubborn, blue collar, salt-of-the-earth father. Then she would fall into your arms for consolation, and YOU would be the one to make the deceased Bruce Willis proud.

the crush on Liv Tyler is not explored enough in fandom, I need to know how much John imprints her on his other romance options. how much of a Liv Tyler is Vriska, these are the fucking questions people.

Your panoramic window offers a view of your yard below, and the mausoleum housing your dead cat, JASPERS, who died when you were young. Your MOM had the structure erected with a spirit of scornful IRONY in response to your youthfully innocent request to hold a funeral for the animal. At least, that is how you have come to interpret the gesture in retrospect.

compared to John’s struggle with the clownkind, Rose has a much more grounded strife with her parental figure.

I say that but Rose takes this shit to an 11.

regardless, a parent that constantly performs malicious compliance with a hint of irony isn’t unbelievable, neither is someone fooling themselves into thinking their guardian is operating as such due to a general disconnect and the feeling of not having enough attention.

with all of this established,

it’s still really fucking funny,

because Rose will stare down Mom with sheer contempt thinking “SHE’S FUCKING WITH YOU! SHE’S TRYING TO GET TO YOU! DO NOT GIVE IN TO HER GAMES!” as she stands around vacuuming jackshit, probably having no thoughts in her fucking head except for “I love household chores. :))))))”

WIZARDS.RAR.

genuinely the funniest story surrounding Homestuck, Andrew Hussie risked their entire PC for a bunch of fucking stupid wizard pngs.

the Egberts do high action cake forcefeeding, the Lalondes do drunken covert operations, the Striders DO MAD NINJA TRICKS.

GIRL IS DRENCHED.

early HS art is so fucking pretty. everyone’s always on about the kids looking like bobbleheads and that’s good but the environments are so fucking good as well.

iconic panel, banger panel. look at how her knees do the swirly thing.

CRINGE MAC USER.

you’re making the John nervous!!! Egberts only do this under high stress!!! help him!!!

TT: And the content of the card appears to be variable from session to session. TT: In one instance it was described as an "eggy loking thign" [sic].

presenting without comment.

“John: Take bite of apple.” is a really good ending flash in which John takes a bite out of an apple 

and then gets fucking nuked. 

the act then ends there.

a marvel that the only reason John lived was because he did what looked like the goofiest option ever. did the apple even taste good? what the fuck is cruxite made of???? I guess it’s edible??? might be candy, is it candy??? do they come in different flavors???

after way too long, Act 1 is finally fucking done, yet the more I read it, the shorter it feels. I can’t tell if it’s because I don’t need to absorb the tutorial stuff due to being familiar with the comic already, or because I’m anticipating when shit really goes crazy later on. maybe a bit of both. it certainly preps me for the art style, the flowery language, the weird humor, and so on.

I can say that Act 1 is

fine.

it is of good quality.

nothing groundbreaking and not the best,

but enjoyable nonetheless.

I get that it’s a bit slow and nothing really happens, but I’m able to entertain myself with the page to page shenanigans and good character interactions.

honestly I don’t understand how people skipped this act at all, how the fuck do you skip the start of the story??? don’t you want to like

understand

what is happening

and who these people are???

especially the later part, so much Homestuck skipping was for the sake of immediately getting to the character interactions, but

there are character interactions here,

and

you learn who the characters even are.

like what the fuck, the introduction to the characters and their dynamics should be key to being invested in them, but I guess not because some people were able to just jump in the middle and grow attached while not knowing what the fuck is going on.

in conclusion: people who skipped Act 1 are cringe, and have doomed themselves. Act 1 good.

[starfragment1979]

i'm possibly making a poor choice, but i'm not gonna get any better at talking to people if i don't socialize more. soooo.. yippee? i'm gonna regret not sending this, but i'm also gonna be super nervous if i do send this, but i think it's worth the risk.

anyway, i really hope i'm not a bother! i'd usually be anonymous when sending asks to people who aren't my friends, but that's not an option, and maybe it'd be better if i wasn't anonymous anyways.

i really hope i don't come off as weird or anything! i tend to ramble about things i enjoy, and i struggle to compact things into smaller paragraphs/sentences sometimes. hopefully this isn't overwhelming or anything! please do take your time if you end up reading it. ^^

also please don't feel obligated to do anything about this! i just wanted to let you know, just in case it makes your day even a tiny bit better, regardless of how it's going.

okay, i'll get to the point and try not to overthink too much since then i might end up not even sending it.

so long story short, i'd been feeling particularly down during the time i stumbled upon the fanfictions. i did hesitate, as i really don't read fanfictions (i've only read a handful of them as of right now), but i decided there's no reason not to at least check it out.

and i didn't regret it one bit. i'd say it's genuinely one of the best things i've read, along with books from my favorite (non-fanfiction) author and a certain fanfic for the stanley parable. i actually got an ao3 account recently, mostly so that i could read them if they ever end up being restricted again, and for easier access to the very few fanfictions i've actually read before. (also, hahah, i think i was that one guest who left kudos on a bunch of the fanfics overnight, and it made my day better to see that it made you happy! ^^ i... may have accidentally pulled an all-nighter, but i probably would've stayed up all night regardless. reading helped take my mind off of the stress i was feeling and all the bad thoughts i'd been having, so they really helped me get through the night. ^^)

definitely fueled my fixation for animal crossing, and helped contribute to me starting to get over my fear of (most) bugs that i've dealt with for most of my life.

also, this is how i found out luna moths live in minnesota. i've lived here for over half of my life and love learning about lepidoptera, but i didn't know luna moths lived here. which is super cool. i hope i can see one someday, i usually only see the little tiny moths you find in houses. (actually, i have one of those tiny friends on my wall currently! ^^)

in short? thank you! ^^ i hope you're doing alright!

this wasn't supposed to be so long, but here we are. sorry for rambling and potentially being a bother! i spent about 30 minutes typing this, overthinking this, deleting it and starting from scratch, and all that "fun" stuff. sorry if it was confusing!

(sorry for jumping from topic-to-topic, i do it and by the time i realize i've done it it's too late. 🥲 also, i've shared them with i think 3 friends by now, and the only one that's read them as far as i know has been really liking them, too! ^^)

i should get going (i usually do my chores at 4 PM, but it's now 4:18 PM and they need to be done by 4:30), but i'd just like to say that "atlas_moth" was such a good choice imo. ^^ atlas moths are my favorite animal, and one of my mothers (yay for polyamorous parents!!) is working on some atlas moth wings (and possibly antennae) for me. ^^

okay, that's all, sorry for rambling for so long. hope your day is going well, and if not, i hope it gets better!

Aww, what a wonderful comment! I love hearing from my readers, and it means so much to me to hear that my stories helped you through a tough time. I hope you're doing better now.

(It's also awesome and very brave of you to be working through your bug phobia, and I'm glad I could help there, too. Incidentally I'm writing a story right now about Flick's childhood, and it includes a scene with little nine-year-old Flick encountering an Atlas moth for the first time. So you have that to look forward to. 🙂)

I am newish enough to Tumblr that I didn't realize I had to opt in to anonymous asks. But I've done that now, so if you or anyone else needs to be anonymous in the future, the option is there.

[regular-lord-reckoner]

it is spring time and appropriately, i have been a very busy bee !!

i'm on much needed pto and it is wonderful. i somehow managed to get completely caught up on all my work before i left so i'm not stressed about when i go back next week

i've mostly been sleeping a lot which i desperately needed and i've been doing a lot of things i've meant to for a while now

namely scheduling doctors appointments and updating my insurance everywhere i need to and that sort of shit, plus some legal stuff my mom and i are doing for some of my dad's stuff.

since monday i also started finally working on my closet again. i had to stop last time and toss everything back in there because...yeah, but now that i can spread some things out again i've made a lot of progress so far

every day i go in with the goal of getting out at least one bag of stuff to throw away and i've also moved out a bunch of clothes i'll need to sort through and a few other things i might be able to give away

feel like i can actually breathe in there again so that's nice. needed that. i'll probably work on it some more over the next two days and then take a break but it should be a lot easier now that i've really gotten the ball rolling to finish it up and fingers fucking crossed this time it'll be all done by the fall where it can just be my nice closet again and i can actually find things !!

i also finally went to get my oil changed today and fortunately there were no other problems so that went smoothly !! i got it washed, too (not that it matters now because it's pouring rain outside now lol) and i stopped to get my mom a birthday card and a gift bag for her present since her birthday is on monday !!

other than all of that i'm just trying to take it easy and unwind. trying to still rest a lot and not push myself too hard or do anything i don't feel up to.

for the past, mmm, i dunno, while i've just been full of piss and vinegar if that wasn't evident so i've tried to just be real quiet and keep to myself until i can feel less overwhelmed.

i'm still in that time out corner for now but i'm starting to feel a lot better so that's something! i've been doing a lot of cleaning lately as well (i did my bathroom on monday and will be doing laundry all throughout the week as week as well as the usual dishes and garbage duty) so that usually helps me feel a bit better.

it's also very cathartic just...throwing a bunch of shit away !! and having more space !! yay !!

oh, i also finally had therapy again after like...a month and i'm not sure yet what my new insurance situation will look like, but i think we're all happy to be done with my old insurance (she was telling me about something weird they did that i just...cannot fathom (something about mailing her a paper credit card that no one would accept ?? idk), but oh well, good riddance !!) and i'm slowly but surely working on paying her back !!

lastly, i tried a new coffee place today because i'm still trying to figure out which local coffee spot will be my new favorite now that i no longer haunt starbucks or dunkin and i went to this new one today and i....i definitely ordered a chai...a 32 oz one at that because why not, i love chai.... whatever they gave me definitely was not chai.

i'm not sure what it is exactly, but it's definitely got coffee in it and i thought at first maybe it was a dirty chai but no. and it's no big deal, i took it and just drove on but what's baffling to me is i was the only customer at that time.

nobody in front of me, no one behind me and maybe they were doing a mobile order or something but i had to sit there for a few minutes while they made it and it was...not at all what i was expecting, but also not bad !! haven't had an iced coffee in a minute so i'll take it !! (they also put a little chocolate covered espresso bean on the top which was very good)

anyway, i thought that was kinda funny. i've also finished all my chores and errands for the day now so i might take a nap or i might read or who knows what i might do, i actually have time to myself !!!!

just wanted to give a little update since for once it isn't me just bitchin' about things XD

hope if you're reading this that you're doing well and i'll be back to being a human (or as close to it as i get) ....sometime !! <3

[houkagokappa]

It’s Monday and I’m exhausted. I didn’t get to rest on the weekend, because I had uni work and chores to keep me busy for most of it. I also celebrated my sister’s birthday with my family, which I have mixed feeling on, since my sister was late for it by two hours. I could’ve used those two hours to wind down and just exist as myself, but instead I spent them annoyed at her being late, worried something might’ve happened, anxious not knowing what was going on and irritated because I hadn’t eaten anything since the morning and had gotten incredibly hungry. My sister’s habitually late, but she usually lets us know how late she’ll be and this time around we got radio silence. When she finally picked up (an hour later) it turned out that she overslept because she spent the entire night (until 8 am) helping a friend who was dealing with “a crisis”, and once she went to sleep she forgot to set an alarm. I can’t even be mad at her for being late because she did the right thing helping a friend in need (8 am might seem excessive, but sometimes that’s life and I’m not about to question the validity of someone's crisis).

I had a good time once she got to my parents place, but it is really frustrating how she continues to show no respect for us and our time, especially this week and last week when I’ve had to push myself to make the schedules work. One of the things that annoy me the most is how she’s never cared to put the effort in for us, “that’s just how she is and we should plan around it”, even though she’s entered an industry where the working hours are strict and she doesn’t seem to have any problems following those or going above and beyond to help her friends. I guess this stems from/adds to the bigger issue where I feel like I’m not important enough to be worth that extra effort (although I’m super close to my sister so it’s not like she doesn’t appreciate me).

It also really sucks how I’ve gotten a lot of great news lately, and I’m currently doing an internship that I’ve dreamed about for ages, but I’m still stressed and exhausted. My life is supposed to be “good” right now, so why don’t I feel that way? The answer is because I overwork myself, which is frustrating, since I’m too much of a perfectionist to spend less time on tasks (double, triple, quadruple checking everything before I turn in any assignments) and I have been working less weekly hours than what’s intended for the internship, so it feels like I should be able to deal with this much, if not more.

I mentioned being exhausted to my dad and his response was “welcome to the working life”, which was irritating since 1) this is not my first job/it’s not even a job, so it’s not like this is my first experience with working life, and 2) he doesn’t have a bunch of extra uni work and a single person household to run at the same time. I pointed that out to him, but he claimed to still think about work during his weekends (which is probably true to some degree, but it’s still not the same). My parents are lovely people and they do help me out a lot with different things, but they’ve never understood my mental health struggles (which, to be fair, I hide for the most part). They probably don’t think I have any anymore, since I’m doing all these things now, so it feels like I get very little sympathy for my troubles. I’m also worried that my life’s always going to be this way, with me not having as much energy as I used to have/ want to have/ feel like I’m expected to have. Like I’ve come a long way, but life’s still kinda shit :/

...

I have to remember to be kinder towards myself. I’ll schedule in time for my uni assignments and I’ll take it away from the hours I’d spend on my internship (since they allow me to come and go as I please), so that I’ll have the evenings off. I’ll attend events only if I feel like I’m up for it, I’m not going to force myself to attend just because something’s organized and it sounds fun. I’ve been doing better, but I still need to remind myself to take it easy.

[estherhouses]

March 15, 2023

This is the only note I have in my phone since I dont have my physical journal & I think it would be very helpful for me to write my feelings out because I know above this note I can look and pray for strength & guidance. I know nobody will ever see this since this is personal to me & these are things I can keep and share to myself. I’m going to title these “letters to my absent bestfriend”. Since I cant talk to you & I can’t be with you, these little personal notes are the things i wanted to tell you but could not. So i’ll keep them to myself here. I’m not a big technology person like i dont know or payed much attention into how these things work but i hope they help me let go. Today was a tough day. Work had something in the atmosphere that just made me want to leave, i felt like i physically couldnt stand being there & i hated it. This is the latest ive gotten

out & it was just tough. I tried my hardest to keep my head on straight & be me. But how can i be me when part of me is missing? After work, I almost drove to your house. Our song came on in my shuffle playlist “tuyo y mio” & I just couldnt i literally broke down, this was the first mental breakdown ive had since you been gone & all i wanted was for you to hug me & tell me it was okay. Maybe the whole relationship it seemed like you loved more, but going through this really showed that i loved more…. i did so many things for you that i didnt even notice & that’s why im more broken than you. I always said a bunch of things i didnt mean but i always did things you probably didnt notice that made your my priority. i always preached to you about loving yourself first, meanwhile i always loved you before me & i think that’s what hurts me the most. i did so much for you, literally everything i did was for you. the reason i got into engineering was not for me, god knows it wasnt for me & my interest in it was depleting everyday but i sucked it up and did it for you, for us, so that i could take care of you in the future like you would take care of me now, so that we wouldnt have to struggle & you were able to have your house with your golf course & your truck and our family. i didnt care about the sleepless nights, i didnt care about all the pain & all the stress because my motivation was you. i went to work & strived to be the best so that i can save up money & we wouldnt have to worry about things, i didnt care if you gave me a piece of paper that said “happy valentines day” or “happy birthday” or “merry christmas i love you”, i genuinely did not want any gifts from you, i didnt care about the chores you did for me, i didnt care about any of that i just cared about you. i just loved you & if i had to live in a box for the rest of our lives i would of done it happily because it would of been with you. i guess maybe i just didnt know how to love, i didnt know how to express it & would push you away to test whether you loved me as much as i loved you, but maybe that was too much for you & i needed to see that it’s not the way to show love, but that’s the only way i knew since i was always pushed away when i was younger. maybe when i was figuring out how to love you, it was too much for you, maybe if i had been a tad less in love it wouldnt hurt me as much. i’d wake up everyday and think of you, i’d think about what you were doing at work, about how your day went, if you had a good day or a bad day, i always wanted to let you into my my heart & see for one second how i see you, maybe then you’d understand what you mean to me. but i always had my guard up because i was scared, i was scared of how much love i had for you that it made me frightened because if i ever lost your love i’d know i’d never survive so i always had a little wall up that you’d manage to climb through every so often and those were the peaks of our relationship, but i guess my wall did have a purpose because at the end look at where we’re at now. i still love you & i will always love you but i dont see you the same anymore, i know it’s my time to let go but i wish we can erase these past two years & go back to the good times, the great times. i loved you so much i came back from SF for YOU. was i ever gonna tell you that or even say it out loud? no because how pathetic would it sound for me to say i left the greatest city that brought me peace & tranquility to be with someone i love, who can leave me & hurt me, how would that have sounded ? how would it have sounded that i lead my life with my heart while i preached for others to lead with their head? i love you & i always will love you, if only we can switch spots for a day would you see that i always loved more & maybe you’d understand why it’s so hard for me to let go. Letting go of my past relationships were easy, but you, nobody i meet in my lifetime will ever compare to you. youre my soulmate, my other half, i feel it so hard & i feel it so much… but i have to let you go. i have to let you be free because

[notyobabygirl]

hey Liz! i’m so glad your back :) do you have any experience dating a guy with a mom who isn’t the best person? or maybe you just could not seem to form a connection with her? i’ve been dating my bf for years and i’m still struggling to form a relationship with his mom, let alone even like her. i’m pretty certain i’m going to marry my bf.. and ideally i’ve always pictured myself having a second family when i’m married, and always assumed i would love my husband’s family. but my bf’s family is kinda broken- parents divorced and they weren’t good parents growing up, his dad lives in a diff city, his much older sister lives in a diff state, he’s not close with any of them despite living with his mom. i don’t mind that i’m not close with his dad considering i only see him a handful of times a year. but i see his mom pretty much every single day and have spent a significant amount of time with her. and for some reason have never really clicked with her. when my bf and i go do stuff with her i get along with her great, and generally i do like her! but the more time ive spent with her, the more i’ve realized she’s not a great person. she treats my bf, his sister, and her mom (who i absolutely adore) like crap most of the time for no reason. she’s one of those people who seems stressed out 24/7 and when she’s having a bad day she thinks it’s okay to take it out on people around her. whenever she’s in meetings and i’m at their house i hear her bullying/yelling at people she works with. there’s been a few times in the past where she’d be wine drunk and i’d be staying the night, she would be very catty towards me. or one time she was drunk and she heard me and my bf fighting and she kinda went off me on me saying “he’s not ready for a relationship. why are you even here? you just cause problems” it was so weird and mean. but when i told my bf about it he said “im so sorry but she only said that because she’s drunk. don’t think she meant it” but idk. other than those few times i always felt pretty lucky she seemed to like me and be a lot nicer to me than she is to most people. until the past couple days.. idk what it is but she has been extremely hostile to both me and my bf. the main reason i’m sending this in tho is something she said last night.. my bf and i got home from dinner and he went upstairs. and immediately she started yelling at him about how he forgot to load a case of water bottles into the fridge. and my bf was like “oh shit i’m sorry. i’ll do it right now” and she said back “or you know, you could make your girlfriend do something around here for once” in a super condescending voice. my jaw dropped. i was down in his room but she definitely knew that, so there’s a good chance she just didn’t care if i heard. not only was i very confused why she said that, but i’ve known this woman for years now and she couldn’t even call me by my name? “your girlfriend” just seems way more disrespectful imo. when my bf came down i was like “what was that about?” and he said “she’s drunk. just ignore her like i do” and i said “i cannot just ignore that. why did she even say that? she’s never asked me for help around the house.” since im over here almost every day and sleepover a bunch, i’ve always offered to help with chores. or if i notice one of them doing something i ask to help but they always decline. when im over here im always in my bf’s room tho, its very rare i use dishes or do anything messy but when i do i obviously always clean up after myself. idk why she hasn’t just come to me herself and said “hey can you start helping out around the house while you’re here?” instead of talking poorly to my bf about me when i have no clue it was even an issue. idk what to do, i don’t want to keep being so sweet to this lady who couldn’t care less. and i think it’s so odd that at her old age she can’t seem to communicate or handle her emotions like an adult. should i talk to her about it myself or should i just let my bf handle it?? :/

ok ok ok. that’s for sure a sticky situation and dealing with a family like that isn’t ideal. i feel like everyone wants the perfect family to come from your partner but unfortunately i feel like that’s hard to come by. what she said to you was extremely rude and so uncalled for. i think she just is that kind of person, which sucks. some people don’t care if they hurt someone’s feelings and just don’t have the kindest heart. i don’t think you have done anything wrong. if you offer here and there to do things around the house and she says no then that’s all you can do. it’s not your responsibly to be a maid in her household. wish there was a better answer but you are just gunna have to stick it out. i’m sure once your bf moves out then it will get better but for now just kill her with kindness and ignore her the best you can!

[nagipops]

hello!! could I request neji, gaara and kakashi reactions finding out they'll have twins with their s/o? it can be getting the news, choosing the names, how are their behaves during and/or after the birth, their thoughts, feelings, you can put whatever you want ^^ grateful

TWIN REVEAL HEADCANONS!

FEATURING: neji hyuuga, gaara, kakashi hatake

WARNINGS: cw food

A/N: absolutely! love domestic naruto boys the most <3 also, im so sorry these got so long they turned into whole drabbles T-T CANT WRITE IN MODERATION AT ALL!!

NEJI

you’ve been pondering how to break the exciting news that you were expecting twins with the love of your life, neji, for days now

but what you didn’t realize was that he already had a sneaking suspicion that you weren’t only eating for two

observant as ever, he’s noticed how exaggerated your pregnancy symptoms were: extreme morning sickness (he always held your hair back), severe fatigue (massages and back rubs were always in order) and even as he lays on your stomach, he hears... a second heartbeat?

as you’re thinking about how to break the news, he’s also wondering if you’ve realized that you’re having twins

it was your anniversary a few days later, and you had decided to break the exciting news to him through a special treat

setting four steaming bowls of his favorite food, hot soba, on the kitchen table, you awaited the arrival of your husband

“(y/n), i’m home!” neji called out down the hallway, slipping off his shoes before he caught you standing there in the dining room

his eyes widened in surprise before melting into the most heartwarming gazes you’ve ever seen as he made his way over to you, wrapping his strong arms around your frail body

“happy anniversary, (y/n).”

you couldn’t see it, but neji’s eyes widened at the sight behind you, over your shoulder that his head was resting on

four bowls of his favorite food? why four?

but then he realized, pulling back quicker than light as he held onto your shoulders and stared into your eyes

“you know? about the twins?”

a radiant smile spread from your glowing cheeks to your ears as your eyes widened in surprise; neji already knew?

but of course he did, he was so observant as a husband: always gifting you things that you’ve pined over but never actually said that you’ve wanted out loud, taking care of that one pesky chore you can never bring yourself to do; he was the absolute perfect husband for you

a grin formed on neji’s face as he pulled your body into his once again, embracing you as tight as your enlarged body would let him

“we’re the luckiest parents in the world,” he murmured into your ear, softly smoothing your hair

“no,” you replied, smiling into his embrace. “i’m the luckiest wife in the world.”

the dinner was spectacular, as you and your husband enjoyed a wholesome meal for two (or four!)

after confirming that the two of you were going to be raising twins instead of just one baby, it was time to prepare double time

luckily for you, neji is nothing if not prepared

he’s got a running checklist of things he needs double of; double the cribs, double the diapers, double the bottles, double the clothes, double the—

poor man is overworking himself, but he’d work as many hours as he needed to to ensure that you and your new family will have the best first years of your life

he was getting anxious as you neared the time of your labor, as he kept checking that the house was babyproofed, the bottles were the right size, the food was the correct brand, etc.

it was endearing, seeing him so worried, but only because he cared for you that much

needless to say, the moment you went into labor, he arrived at the hospital in record time

neji realized he was worried for nothing as the birth went smoothly as could be, and when you finally brought your two bundles of joy home, he couldn’t believe that they were actually part of him

it made him so happy to be raising two little twins with his favorite person in the world

all the diapers in the world couldn’t prepare him for the delight of parenthood!

GAARA

you felt the cool gel spread across your enlarged stomach before the ultrasound crackled to life

you, gaara, and the doctor all watched with bated breaths as a white blob began to form amidst the dark abyss of your tummy

tears began to spring to your eyes as your hand instinctively moved to touch your stomach; this was your baby. inside of you was you and gaara’s own little bundle of joy :,)

gaara’s calming hand slipped into yours as the two of you gazed at the screen in wonder

“look!” you cried, pointing with your other hand at the absence of... a certain body part. “it’s a baby girl!”

“that’s right,” the doctor grinned. “congratulations, you two, you’re having a girl!”

but then, the doctor started to press your stomach at a different angle with a furrowed brow

“what is it, doctor? is there something wrong?” you felt panic begin to rise in your stomach. your baby?

a small smile emerged on the doctor’s face as they pointed to the screen displaying the ultrasound, “see for yourself.”

confused but more at ease, you watched as the tiny white blob on the screen moved slowly to the side to reveal... another one?

your heart rate began to quicken as you turned, shell-shocked, to your husband

the redhead’s face was stunned, his eyes blown wide as he raised a finger at the display in front of him.

“t-t-there’s... there’s two... of them....”

his pale green eyes locked onto yours, which were brimming with overjoyous tears

“gaara...” you reached for his hand once more. “we’re having twins!”

you swore his own eyes were filled with tears as he wrapped his arms around your frail, weak body, pressing a kiss to the nape of your neck

you clung onto your husband, a soon-to-be father of two, for dear life, laughing and gasping for breath as you realized that you not only had one— but two bundles of joy in your stomach

“congratulations again, you two, this one’s a boy!”

after a rough birth, your two feisty little sand twins are the rowdiest bunch in the barrel

clambering, climbing on top of their stoic dad, pulling at his hair, gnawing at his fingers

your beloved husband is their personal jungle gym

it’s amusing, watching gaara slowly (but surely) learn and navigate through the ups and downs of new parenthood

but above the sleepless nights, the ceaseless crying, the endless messes, he’s especially grateful that you’re the one he’s experiencing it all with :)

KAKASHI

you clutched the single smoke bomb tightly in your hand, smiling at your family, your friends, and your husband kakashi

the long-anticipated gender reveal of your baby was about to take place, and you couldn’t be more excited!

at the count of three, you pulled the pin and tossed the harmless bomb onto the ground

instantly, the air filled with a pink plume of smoke! squeals and cheers swept throughtout the crowd, and your eyes lit up with joy as your husband returned the gaze

you were going to raise the finest kunoichi there ever was

but then gasps sounded throughout the crowd as you turned to the still-smoking bomb

it was turning... blue?

your hands flew to cover your mouth as you gasped, turning to kakashi

twins?

kakashi wasn’t one to be caught off guard too often, but this totally got him

his eyes widened in surprise before the crowd began to cheer, applaud, and holler at the exciting news

“twins!” you cried, rushing over to envelop kakashi in a tight embrace

a baby girl and a baby boy... who would’ve thought?

while you’re freaking out about having everything in order, getting double the supplies, kakashi is cool as a cucumber (as always)

he’s always telling you to relax, that he’s got it all under control, and he does

you couldn’t ask for a better husband

seriously, his masseuse skills are like magic

after a long day of tireless cooking, cleaning, working, and stressing, coming home to a massage with kakashi is such a treat

he always makes sure you’re comfortable during the day, fetching you water, helping you to the bathroom, cooking up all your weird cravings

he’d be such a wonderful father, who are we kidding

teaches them important life lessons and raises them to be independent, powerful ninja

but also lets them have loads of fun, teasing them, tickling them, playing with them

its the most exhilarating feeling in the world to come home from an exhausting day of work to find kakashi passed out on the couch with each twin tucked under each of his arms after a long day of playing together

there’s absolutely no one else you’d rather spend the joy of parenthood with!

if you enjoyed this post, likes and reblogs are much appreciated :) feel free to request here, and make sure to read the rules first! have a lovely day everyone <3

[valewright67]

Are you okay?

Hello.

I'm a little stressed?

It's kinda stupid, honestly.

I start school on Monday, right? And it's my first year in college, I'm doing deaf studies and interpreting for ASL. I thought it would be good to learn asl, since I struggle to hear anyways.

Also, my therapist thinks I have autism? We're not gonna try to get a diagnoses, because that could very well be upwards of 5k, and I don't have that to throw around, yknow? But he strongly suspects, and I don't know what to do about that.

I have classes Monday and Wednesday in person, plus homework. Tuesday is my allotted online day, PLUS the one day with a flexible schedule I'll have to run any errands I may need to do. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I'm WORKING, 8 to 4. After that is any other homework I need to get done, plus all my household chores, and maybe some smaller errands, like shopping.

On top of that, my partner just like. Doesn't respond? We had plans today and tomorrow we made a couple weeks ago and I was trying to confirm and it's been EIGHT HOURS, and no response. I try to be patient, but this is a regular thing. I get he stays up most of the night and sleeps the day away, but it's 8:15 pm and NOTHING. He finally responds at 8:30 saying his phone is on the fritz and he got around it by connecting his number to his laptop. Which I can understand but I was half ready for HOURS. He couldn't have checked in earlier??

I'm not gonna HAVE any time off, I'm not gonna HAVE a day. And that in off itself stresses me out! Between school and work and homework and errands and chores, I'm either going to have time for sleep or a personal time. I can alternate between those well enough, I'm 18, almost 19, and I've got enough stamina to give up on sleep a couple nights a week. I won't be especially energetic, but I'll be able to function.

And I've been trying so hard to just WRITE, because I'm RUNNING OUT OF TIME. I've got ideas, LOADS of ideas, I'm up to the BRIM with them! And I'm not gonna have any time to write, this is my last chance, but I just CANT?

And you've sent me asks, I've seen them, I've thought about them, ive got stories, and then they just rot in my inbox, because I can't even START them. And do you know how many blurbs and thoughts and COMPLETELY FORMED STORIES I just need to actually WRITE? Like the Tristan reblog, do you know how much I want to add to that, but I can't pump anything out? I've got this great idea for the "by the way your best friends your mother" reveal. And I've got a big bro zel au I'm so PROUD of, and I want to share it with @demonprincezeldris but I've only got one section written, which I submitted WEEKS AGO AND WAS RESPONDED TO ALREADY. It was supposed to be a three part, and I've got the whole plot there, spent ages muling it over and hammering out every detail.

Then there's what I've got on A03. Did you know there's someone who thought I stopped writing Vorago because I didn't like their idea? That's not it at all! I LOVED their idea! But I couldn't even respond to their COMMENT, because what do I say?? "No, I stopped writing after you gave me this idea because I'm paralyzed staring at Google docs." And it was months ago, anyways! And I've got a bunch of others there that people want more of!

And I just. Can't. Write. No matter how hard I try. What I actually manage to force out is jilted and cringy and awful, and I will absolutely not publish that. It's almost worse than my WATTPAD ERA!

Almost. Those were dark days.

Im just so frustrated, because I'm OUT OF TIME, and I. Did. NOTHING. I'm not gonna have any time to write, even if I can, I'm not gonna have any time for a social life - that I barely had anyways - im not gonna have time for myself, im barely gonna have time to SLEEP. I feel like wasted what I had left.

Is this what it feels like to be an adult? I don't like it. I wanna be a kid again.