#i dont think i have the emotional or brain capacity to actually come up with meaningful responses to anything BUT KNOW I READ THEM.AND IT M

[dizzybizz]

GUYS THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE RESPONSES TO MY PREVIOUS POST IT MEANS THE LITERAL WORLD TO ME SORRY IF I STRAIGHT UP DONT REPLY IM LITERALLY SPEECHLESS 💖💓💞💞💕❤️❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥💘💓💖💞💝

[violentviolette]

My bad if you've already answered this, but how do you go about not masking around those you consider/want to be truly important people? Like, it seems in my head difficult to go from "polite friendly person who is clearly mentally average and a nice chap" to "Hi names JoeBob, actually I literally cannot properly care about anyone you care about to the extent I know you want, and honestly can't quite care about you to that extent either, wanna be homies? Oh also I've faked like 90 percent of any emotion of showed you, have fun reassessing everything," ya dig?

generally speaking, i dont mask socially in environments where i might make friends in order to just avoid this issue entirely. so like, i mask at work and at family functions, but if i go to hangout with new people or to an event and the intention is to make actual friends, i just dont mask from the start. i feel that helps mitigate a lot of annoyance and also helps to quickly identify people who i know will understand and respect my limitations but if ur in a situation where u met someone while masking but now want to get closer to them and unmask, then its easiest to do it gradually and just be very upfront but not rude. like i think a lot of people underestimate how much word choice can help make a situation less awkward. cause like saying "i cant and will never care about u but lets be friends" is obviously never going to go over well and isnt even very true or accurate in the first place. but phrasing it not so hostile or aggressively is a lot more reasonable, something like "im not a very emotional or emotive person by nature, but people dont really react kindly to that so i tend to overperform emotions when i first meet someone. but once im more comfortable with ppl i tend to mellow out and show way less. it doesnt mean i suddenly hate u, im just getting more comfortable and being more true to my actual self" or stuff like "i dont really have the capacity to care deeply about people i dont know, and even ones i do know and care about, my feelings never reach as deep a place as other peoples. that doesnt mean i dont respect and like u or that i'll suddenly start treating u poorly. its just that my care is going to look very differently from a nuerotypical person"

its really just dozens and dozens of small conversations about urself where u dont lie about it. its an ongoing conversation. usually these kinda come up naturally when ur getting closer to people and learning more about eachother. but u can also sit someone down and have a more formal conversation. like "hey so ive got some stuff going on with my brain, heres how it works and what i am and am not capable of. i like to be upfront about it with people i wanna get closer to so there arent misunderstandings or hurt feelings when i dont react or respond the way ppl expect. i think ur really cool/fun/ect. and i wanna get closer and become better friends so i wanted to have this conversation so we could understand eachother better and i can be more authentic with u going forward"

the biggest thing imo is to frame it from a positive place because it is a positive thing. u respect and like this person, theyre important to u and u want to be genuine with them so that u can get closer in a real and healthy way. but u also need to be true to urself and ur own limitations in order to do that. and so coming at the conversations from that place usually helps a lot. and if the other person is chill and a geuine friend, usually they understand and they work with u. they respect where ur boundaries are and understand what u cant give, while appreciating and enjoying what u can together.

[shesmore-shoebill]

so sorry in advance for how long this is omfg 😭 i am radioactively yappy. anyways...

courtrasha and amangela double dates r too powerful... the town needs days to recover. life is short eat the tiramisu being rural texas to its knees.

you're so right about courtney flustering arasha 😭 but also that live stream where courtney immediately agreed w arasha about fucking your clone like they are absolutely matched once arasha gets used to the courtney charm. and i think courtney appreciates arashas emotional intelligence and her ability to verbalise more than the fluttering eyelashes and southern drawl yk? not that those aren't appreciated but more like they're really *seeing* arasha

arasha and chanse having subtle beef amuses me i and i know it gets sooo messy (affectionate) after court and arasha start dating. your best friends (angela) other best friends (courtney) girlfriend (arasha) and you keep fighting about hotdogs and potatoes. and chanse gets possessed by the spirit of the midwest every once in a while via jerry spruce but generally he takes his job very seriously which i think was a point for shaynse that related to one another shouts

need to chew on how shaymanda r besties. them running a radio show together seems like the obvious answer but maybe amanda is in charge of the local paper and they got to chatting because shayne needs to pick up the papers to stock them in the library for the archives... plus a journalist and a librarian is such a fun friendship like that's oomf! maybe they're also gym buddies i think that would be really fun actually. maybe it's all of these and they still have a radio show where they just gossip together like the southern women they are at their core

as for further world building in my silly little thoughts ian and anthony are mayor and first mayor (i know there is no mayoral equivalent to first spouse but there is Now) just like they're dad and step dad. i think spencer also has something to do w that because i love that moment that angela pointed at him and said "that's why you're the mayor of this town" in happy wheels and really no reason other than that. kiana is the one actually running the town we all know that. i think tommy works at the paper with amanda. tommy and amanda coworkers is not a want but a need actually.

trevor works with arasha in some capacity simply because i think they're so sweet together like arasha is cheering on trevor all the time and they have their mind meld moments which is so cute. i don't want to force trevor into the chef box but him running a local restaurant that arasha supplies some things is SO cute to me. shayne and trevor beef in universe is shayne jokingly calling trevor competition to chanse's saloon.

i wrote that whole thing without my glasses in the dark at 11pm so sorry for anything that is not coherent 😭

hey anon listen no glasses needed your vision is CLEAR AS DAY. in your brain and thru my inbox. also mine. and ppl following my i guess. do NOT apologize its been a delight getting to come into my inbox and finding bits of courtrasha cowboy au here?? for free?? no work on my part??? SLAPS. no complaint. at some point maybe you deserve to be posting these yourself but i mean for now, hey, this is very fun for me LOL.

dont even get me started on the minutiae of the courtrasha dynamic and what i find compelling i could write an essay on it. its so good. youre so right on courtney really appreciating arashas emotional intelligence tho and i think that could fuck SO hard in this courtrasha au. 1000% behind the concept of arasha being loved by many but seen by courtney that really just. 👌👌

Friend+dating circles... charasha has a special place in my heart tbh (see charasha spies au). i love this dynamic for them. yes plz. ugh i love cross oillintation of friends and unique dynamics.

SHAYMANDA JOURNALIST LIBRARIAN FRIENDS??? i love that so much. god. shayne normally being kind of shy and reserved and then around amanda its just Southern Woman City. also gym buddies in a cowboy au is so funny. idk how that would work but i can see it.

i trust u on ianthony and kiana that sounds legit to me . ianthony and spencer in authority roles but kiana is the real glue and admirable force? fuck ye. TOMMANDA COWORKERS. VITAL 2 ME. YES. They sit at their desks and gossip....... tommy roasted amanda so hard for fallling for city gal angela (as if angela didnt almost immediately win him over too).

and unfortunately trevor would he a great chef for cowboy au. i love a trevrasha dybamic... bffs. trevrasha bffs. good vision. thank u for sharing anon. what a delight.

[57sfinest]

2, 3, 7 and 24 lol

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

mmm i'm gonna go a little sideways from the prompt because harry isn't necessarily my fave but i just do want to say i don't think this man is topping. i think the emotional fallout from martinaise has stripped him of his ability to ever top or dom or be in charge in any sexual capacity like ever again. someone tries to get him to top and he gets the thousand yard stare like oh no... i dont top..... not since The Accident..... like already immediately post-amnesia you've got these comments saying sober sex is scary for him, his blood flow is bad from the alcoholism so his dick is operating at a generous 48% capacity, he's got chronic pain + will probably feel that bullet in his thigh forever and ever and this is a perfect storm that equals to This Man Aint Topping. physical and emotional agony if this man even tries. you put this man in a situation where he's expected to top and he says 'i can't... not after everything women have been through...'

that being said i think if you can convince him that there is a shortage of tops for the future communist utopia of revachol & you remind him "from each according to his means" etc he might try. like if you tell him mazov topped then it might actually work. but otherwise call this man a cheese pizza cuz there's no topping here

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

there have been many. but i think one that angers me the most is the idea that dora was somehow wrong for leaving harry. i did see once (many months ago) that she should have stayed because of what the breakup did to him and i know for a FACT that person completely missed the point of the last dream on the seafort. that shit was crazy

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

i'm very good at maintaining my own separate opinions so there's no character i HATE but [strapping on my bulletproof vest] kim took a back burner in my brain for a while because the sheer volume of genuine sincere unironic 'kim is a good cop and his purpose in life is to be harry's support system' i saw was like. mind numbing. i'm not talking about lighthearted fun with his character i was seeing people genuinely believing that shit and i got so sick of it that kim became a secondary consideration for a while. i do love him his character is super interesting & i'm currently working on an analysis, but i think it was a case of oversaturation for a few months there

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

i am lucky to have not seen much but i think one of the things i see start some conflict is that there are 2 equally good and valuable types of Disco Enjoyment: 1) silly goofy fun and 2) full 10th-grade-english-teacher-mode analysis. and people can do both but i personally have deleted several anons who i think didn't realize this fact and therefore took my character analysis posts as personal attacks on the Silly Goofy Fun activities rather than the braindumps they were. most of the rancid shit i HAVE seen has mostly come down to: we are looking at the same thing through different levels of detail and canon-compliancy and are forgetting that Ignoring That Shit is an option

[enbysforhongjoong]

please ignore:

im just using this as a means to express everything i haven’t had the ability to.

im tired. im tired of struggling. im tired of having happiness right between my fingers, so close yet the minute i set to embrace it, it disappears. im tired of the rollercoaster that is my mind, body and emotion. i feel i have no real control, that im deluding myself with the idea of control.

i wake up most days barely feeling human. i know who i am, things about myself but i dont feel real. my limbs dont feel to be my own, like im feeling things through the clothing that is my skin.

i want to be wanted as do most people. i was to feel emotionally and physically wanted but i feel as if it has to be one or the other. no one truly wants me and im at that point of questioning if its me. if my emotions are too much for even those who claim to love me. i understand it can be exhausting, trust me i do, but i feel i deserve that love and understanding mentally sound and neurotypical people get. i dont want to have to guess if theres a problem, i dont want to play guessing games on if im wanted or not, i dont want the hot n cold where u want me physically but cant bother to get to know me. i feel like if im not just my body then im just a therapist.

even in the platonic sense.

i feel like a means to an end. like at the end of the day my presence in the lives of those around me doesnt make much of a difference. im here to make sure certain people have their support system and are cared for but i dont get the same. it may sound full of myself to say but i truly dont feel i get loved and cared for the way i love and care for my friends, family and lover.

i tried starting a friendship recently… we were texting back and forth for about two weeks and ig they started questioning my intentions??? i genuinely dont know but i guess at the end of the conversation he basically said we could stay friends but he might start taking days or weeks to respond… i had just finished telling him the reason i enjoyed conversations was bc i felt like someone was actually interested in what i was saying and wanted to talk to me.

maybe its over dramatic to say but platonic rejection feels like romantic rejection to me. that heavy feeling on my heart, the feeling like its slowly shattering every time i wish to send a text or i think ab the conversation and how unwanted i felt after. its been swallowing me whole, consuming my brain in its entirety. i feel like im on fire but im drowning. i cant hold myself together because i feel like the tag on the back of someones shirt, those annoying ones you eventually cut off.

i just want to be normal, not feel every emotion i have the capacity to feel at its most intense every time i get the privilege of feeling. i wish i didnt feel like a hollow shell of a person, wish i didnt have to fill my senses and brain with books and fiction to escape the reality that i will never have that. i wish not being happy was something i didnt need to come to terms with.

i wish i was enough for literally anyone. i wish i could be myself without that shame or fear that it will be the reason im disliked, or it will be the reason people decide that im too much to be friends with. i wish i felt worthy of love, of support. i have so much hatred for myself and the circumstances that made me like this. i hate the way i was raised playing so much into my day to day. i people please bc its better than someone being mad. i let the mask slip with him and i feel like a fool.

if you chose to read this then thank you. its messy and unorganized but it wasnt intended to be a think piece or anything. just wanted to put my thoughts in a place where no one knows me.

[hirokiyuu]

ship dynamic talk

yuujin/leona is fun bc like. their worldview is Very Similar (sometimes Shit Happens and theres literally nothing you can do about it, sometimes your life sucks ass because of forces you have literally no control over) but the Reasons they arrived at this same conclusion is really different. rich kid who will never be able to achieve the one thing he really wants versus poor kid who's never even had a dream because theyre so busy trying to survive the day to day

idk i really dont think yuujin had a drive or a purpose before coming to twst u kno. their life was so hectic and busy they literally did not think abt anything beyond How Do I Make Dinner For Everyone And Save Money And Make Sure The House Is Clean And Not Fail Out Of School And so like their brain i sjust. constant survival mode. non-isekai au yuujin eventually snaps and runs away but i literally dont even know what they do in the long term besides like. engage in ten billion self destructive "coping" mechanisms and waste their life for a solid like five years. i think they can hit functional eventually but it would take them eyars nad years and years to reach a point of having actual Aspirations u kno.

and part of the draw of yuujin/leona is like. yuujin does recognize their own nihilism in leona lol. the desire ot just fucking give up cause who gives a shit, what does it change, some things are set in stone and you cant fucking do anything about it. i joke that yuujin only approaches leona bc hes Aesthetically Perfectly Their Type but tbh i do think at least a decent part of hte attraction is like. the similarities btwn them. leona doesnt strike them as the kind of guy who like...... gives a shit. and thats smth they like abt him (lmao) (god)

similarly as mcuh as i joke abt how leona being a good bf would scare them off part of it is also like...... a Traditional Dating Rship requires both parties to be putting in work. thinking abt dates and buying presents etc etc and yuujin just like. cant do that. theyve lost a lot of their caretaking capacity esp when theyve first met leona and like. being in an rship where theyre expected to do like. any sort of emotional caretaking whatsoever. is just beyond them

which isnt to say that i dont think they get there! i think in teh end they Do hit a point where theyre able to genuinely care+have that care extended back to them in a way that doesnt bother them, but like..... not at first. at first they need the space to have sex w/this dude and then immediately get up and walk away. u kno.

[deleteddewewted]

Hey, I just read your Kurogiri omega and was wondering if you could do a part 2, but with Kurogiri remembering his time in the AU when he was Obroro and how he met the alpha reader until the day of his "likely" death?!

I've been trying to find an excuse to continue that, so thank you for being that excuse, anon!

Omega! Kurogiri Part 2

🚨spoilers🚨

Kurogiri x M! Reader

Omega! Kurogiri Headcanons Part 1

TW: Angst, Death, Unhealthy Coping Mechanism

You couldn’t tell him he was your mate. It would place you and him in danger.

You kept going to Tartarus to visit him but decreased the frequency of them.

Kurogiri did not take this lightly.

You were leaving him again.

You both had built something meaningful and you were leaving.

Kurogiri laid down on the bed he was given and stared blankly ahead of him.

The world became dimmer as the time passed. Eventually his eyes closed and he drifted away to the lovely abyss of sleep.

“Shirakumo!” The blue mist haired boy turned around and spotted his two friends call out to him.

Yamada, the loud blond, was dragging the dark hair Aizawa with him. He looked eager to tell him something.

“Hey man! Uh, something going?” He asked. Yamada was way to energetic for it to be his usual and Aizawa didn’t look all that annoyed either.

“You won’t believe it man! One of our classmates is super hot!” Yamadas face held a small blush to it while Aizawa turned his head around to ignore them.

He was also blushing.

Shirakumo laughed at the two and wrapped his arm around Aizawa's neck.

"Oh really? Tell me more." He teased.

Yamada gave him an entire speech about how their classmate was hot as fuck and how the guys name was really pretty. He was fanboying over someone he barely knew.

Shirakumo thought it was cute how affected Yamada was by the new student so he couldn't wait to meet him.

When he did meet you, his inner omega purred.

Everything about you was perfect and beautiful to him.

He wanted to get to know you better.

Thats what allowed a friendship to bloom between you both.

He smiled a lot throughout the day but it became brighter when you would walk into the room.

His omega purred at him, begging him to get closer to you so he could take your scent in. Look at your beautiful eyes and your beautiful face.

You would catch him staring at you, the lingering trail of smokey blue hair giving him away every time.

You also liked him, a lot actually.

Easy on the eyes but with a big personality.

Welcoming, comforting, everything you would ever want in a significant other.

You found it endearing how he took the initiative to keep Aizawa away from rude and mean people.

You could also see how your guys friend, Yamada, would falter. His smile dropping for a moment when he thought no one was watching.

That always happened when Aizawa and Shirakumo were together.

You were all young, so it didn't matter who was dating who or what the future would hold. The now was more important then anything else.

Shirakumo contemplated what he could do to court you.

He jumped to the conclusion of courting instead of asking you if you were wanting to try a relationship with anyone.

He told Aizawa and the black haired boy just looked at him. His eyes saying something that his mouth wouldn't.

Didn't matter how well Shirakumo knew him, he didn't know how to read his eyes.

"Should i get him a bouquet? Maybe his favorite foods? Ah, i dont know what to do! Aizawa help me!" Aizawa recommended he just asked you out.

"You're so not romantic, but i still love you." He missed how much his words affected Aizawa. The black haired boys face was tinted red, his neck taking most of the blush he couldn't show on his cheeks.

Shirakumo made up every possible scenario inside of his own head and instead asked Yamada for some help.

"Yo! You should totally make a dramatic confession!" Shirakumo and Yamada planned everything out.

It did not go well.

You made it clear to him that you weren't looking for anything at the moment and that you just wanted to be friends with him.

Shirakumo and his omega became upset. His spring like scent became muddled, dirty water and a harsh smell overlaying itslef in a thick blanket.

His personality didn't change around you, he was still smiles and laughter.

When class would finish he would walk with Aizawa back to the train station and vent about everything you did that day.

"He looked so handsome eating that pudding and the way he leaned on his arm. So hot." Shirakumo sighed.

Aizawa felt very conflicted. He was happy for his friend but something else made itself present when he spoke about being with you.

Shirakumos pinning wouldn't stop and it finally got to a point were he would openly flirt with you.

You didn't mind it, in reality, you were as much of a flirt back.

This game between the two of you played out with him complementing you with big charades.

You would be more tactile. Occasionally touching his arms or running your hands threw his smoke hair.

It was pleasant. His hair parting into tendrils and at times having a mind of its own.

It would wrap itself around your wrist preventing you from removing your hand.

Enough time had passed that you felt like pursuing something more with him.

Something more romantic.

Shirakumo dragged you to the roof top one day.

All he said was that it was important.

"I like you, a lot. You're just so...handsome and pretty and beautiful and everything else thats good really." He stopped and began to walk around the roof top of the school.

"My omega is going nuts with your scent and it honestly drives me crazy too." Shirakumo danced around you.

"If you only knew how much i want to hold you and kiss you every time you help Aizawa out. That one time you helped that omega by fighting those meat heads off of them. Purring for you, baby!" Shirakumo got close to the roofs edge.

"Everything about you makes me and my omega want you. I-" Shirakumo slipped from the edge and fell.

You ran to catch him, maybe you could save him.

Shirakumo would most likely die, you wouldn't get there on time to catch him.

Your heart pulled with dread and dropped when you heard him scream.

Then, a peak of mist made itself seen from the edge of the roof.

“Shirakumo!” You yelled at him as he floated above you.

He flew around in his cloud, circling around you laughing.

“Was that intentionally?” You asked once he got down from his cloud.

His face became red as he watched you look at him expectingly.

“Ah, yeah?” You laught at his response and pulled him towards you.

You ran your fingers threw his smoke like hair and cupped his cheek in your hand, thumb gently caressing his face.

“You know? You should really stick to just two word phrases. I don’t think you have the mental capacity or brain cells for anything more.” You teased.

He gave you a goofy smile while he practically melted into your touch.

You were heaven and safety for him.

His inner omega begging him to ask you to be his mate. To bond. To do everything with you.

To be yours and you be his alpha.

His mouth a body moved on their own. He couldn't stop himself from getting closer to you and wrapping his arms around you.

"I'm sorry,” He stared at your eyes and admired them more a moment, “but you’re to perfect to just put into two words.”

Shirakumo closed the gap between you two and kissed you.

Both you and him, and your secondary sexes, we’re overwhelmed and overjoyed.

It was a thrilling emotion that coursed through you. The giddiness of being able to say that this was someone you would like to invest all of your time on.

You both loved each other so much, nothing in that moment or the ones to come could ruin that.

Then in your second year, Aizawa brought you Shirakumos speaker.

It was battered and broken. Wet.

Destroyed.

Aizawa said nothing to you, the other alpha walked away from you without batting an eye or even acknowledging the blond beta running after him.

You felt your legs give way as you fell to the floor. Vision becoming blurry and warm streaks falling down your face.

“So what should we do? We both want to mate but we can’t risk our careers.” “Don’t worry about Y/n. You’re already my mate. My omega is telling me that you’ve already been accepted and naturally, I’m always glad to call you mine. Fuck the rules!” “Sure, whatever you say, my mate.”

The happy memories and the planned out future you both had with each other was now just a dream.

It was delusion you had set yourself up for.

Your mate was gone.

“So that’s who you are.” Kurogiri spoke into the empty cell. The dream having woken him up.

He turned to lay on his side and stared at the invisible cell door.

He didn’t attempt to fall back to sleep.

You laid awake in bed, face pressed into an old jacket that was clearly worn down.

It was faded in color and no longer had that signature scent you adored so much.

It no longer smelled like spring.

Or like fresh air.

It smelled like you and your laundry detergent.

Your mate was dead and you both never got the chance to make it official.

Would never have a family of your own. Never have your first anything together.

Never have another moment with each other.

He was gone and yet still here.

Your mate was a terrorist who found no issue in killing others.

“Goodnight…my omega. Sweet dreams, Oboro.” You drifted off to sleep once your eyes closed.

[bruisesofaffection]

[Emotional Vent, Disability and body talk]

Sorry to be sad on the kink blog, but goddamn I'm having a rough time tonight with it.

I've been super extra sex focused recently, and I think part of it is this desperate, touch starved need for my disabled body and mind to be seen as desirable.

Not in a sense of like, """despite""" my disabilities either. They're just as much a part of me as everything else.

The feeling that I'm haunting my own life is coming up again. The people around me barely even touch me platonically and arent great at emotionally comforting either.

I get treated like a fragile vase, if even that. I struggle to be able to ask for help, especially knowing what sort or help to even ask for or how to ask it in a way that gets my needs met. When the people around me wont offer help and only help sometimes when I can fucking manage to know what to ask for when I'm actively dealing with it, it results in a lot of quiet suffering.

Being fat and queer and disabled and the intersections between them. Feeling like I'm dragging every fucking conversation down when I manage to share the barely anything I have going on in my life.

Like, I'm definitely craving shit like emotional intimacy, comfort, being fucking cared about. That even extends out to kinkier ventures.

My new cane would make an amazing spreader bar!

Sexual stimulation being used as a pain reliever!

Not having to be in control when my cognitive ability drops dramatically during a migraine. Hell, someone even finding that endearing and cute.

Being able to use bondage to alieveate pressure/weight/tension on my legs/back so I dont get a goddamn leg-wide cramp when I orgasm.

Getting clear, direct, still loving instructions so my dissociative ADHD ass doesnt have to try and think of what to do next.

I have, like, a few sort of sex/romance adjacent connections going on at the moment in various capacities, and I'm trying so fucking hard to not be a super needy attention seeker or accidentally push boundaries too quickly (yay internalized fears of being seen as 'predatory' for being queer and romantic/sexual in any way)

One person I'm talking to (who might actually see this, sorry I'm having a break down I hope you still think I'm hot) will ask me direct sexual questions, which I like but it keeps starting a stupid spiral of getting turned on by the directness of the question, start losing some mental processing power because of that, get nonverbal and overwhelmed, then start feeling bad for not being able to answer because either the question itself or my potential answer turned me on so much that my brain fucking turned off!

Dont get me wrong, I enjoy the teasing and the power dynamics that can come with that sort of thing. It's just easier to fulfill my end of that conversation if one can actually see my face, so I can be a cute blushy mess in response.

Ugh

Rant basically over. I would really love if people sent me asks/messages with some disability/neurodivergent kink vibes. I could use the positivity for it.

[notquiteaghost]

no pressure if you do not want to, but that sounds interesting and i would definitely be down to hear about szpd and bpd being two sides of a coin

ok so. apologies if this doesnt make sense i only talk about this with other crazy people, n also disclaimer i do not have bpd but half my loved ones do, but like. all personality disorders are just subgenres of cptsd, right? the concept of a personality disorder in of itself is a bit [grimaces] because it's like... it's a series of maladaptive coping mechanisms that u have baked so deep into urself as to be essentially irremovable but. people who have NOT done that need to watch how they talk about it. and like, how PDs as a diagnosis started as psychs looking at the end result of childhood trauma n saying 'well that's fucked up that shld be A Disorder' and then only later going wait. wait do you think they're fucked up for a reason????

but, anyway, PDs are cptsd. cptsd is when u experience ongoing trauma when u are not done becoming a person so it fucks up the process of u becoming a person. there's an argument to make that yknow show me a well-adjusted person but. cptsd isnt garden variety fucked up. cptsd IS more prevalent than most people want to admit but it is still like. lots of people do make it to adulthood and aren't rotten at the core. somehow my mother is one of them even. everyone has neuroses but not everyone compulsively ruins their own life any time it might improve.

so. so! lots of things cause cptsd! there are many ways to fuck kids up! and the thing about trauma is the severity isnt actually in The Bad Thing the severity is determined by how supported u are in the aftermath. people can go thru some real gnarly shit and be fine because they had the mental health equivalent of all their safety gear on. people can twist their ankle slightly just walking up some stairs n then never ever recover because no one lets them rest to heal it.

obviously, some people with bpd & szpd did in fact go thru some real gnarly shit. but my two sides of the same coin thesis isnt about the actual trauma. or it is but like. bpd & szpd are about feelings. bpd is too many feelings szpd is no feelings ever.

i dont wanna say bpd n szpd affect more neurodivergent people than other PDs cuz. a) i know almost fuckall abt most other PDs but well u see neurodivergent people tend to be traumatised, b) having Big Feelings as a kid isnt a neurodivergent thing. or, it is but i can say that cuz im neurodivergent n it's complicated. anyway what i WILL say is bpd & szpd start at the same point and that point is having Too Much Feelings

theyre two paths that diverge in the wood. bpd is deciding maybe if i embrace the feelings wholeheartedly i'll be able to control them??? (this doesnt work), szpd is deciding maybe i can destroy the feelings entirely (this also doesnt work). also, '''deciding''', no one wakes up n says Today I Will Pick This Maladaptive Coping Mechanism, this is smth u do gradually while still a child and then later u look back at ur childhood and go Oh Well. That Was Dumb Huh.

this is also imo why both bpd n szpd are so comorbid with derealisation/depersonalisation disorder, cuz the brain only has so many things it can do and dissociating is deceptively nice at first, and like. makes feelings go away! bpd is kinda a vicious circle of being triggered into dissociating then coming back then being triggered etc, szpd is What If I Lived Like This Actually.

anyway it's wild to me always that this is a ~hot take because there's this idea that bpd feelings are? only like that because of the bpd??? and maybe there's an argument that everyone's feelings are that strong at first n most people learn to modulate them but. that just rings so false to me. i learnt to modulate my feelings and ive been informed that's A Disorder. i think everyone has an emotional capacity & the upper limit of it naturally varies. i assume there are people out there who don't feel things as strongly as i do because lots of people sure act like it.

uhhhh in conclusion. bpd & szpd are both about having Well This Is The Worst Thing To Ever Happen And I Have To Die About It be basically your only reaction to anything bad, and choosing to cope with that in two very different ways. endless love to my borderline folks i could NOT live like that.

[cwispyhologwam]

Admit it. Rick Sanchez X F!Reader

Word count: 2,382

Rick was... out of it, I guess you could say he was still himself, but not really he just seemed, off. When Morty tried to ask if anything was wrong, Rick would respond in a "normal" Rick way but, it seemed forced. It was barely noticeable but he could tell, even though after Rick basically told him to fuck off he dropped it. It was just after the whole incident with Unity, which didn't make sense to Morty because it seemed like Rick had gotten what he needed and wanted from her, or it, or they, he didn't really know how to refer to the entity, but that's besides the point.

He had spent the whole night in the garage when Morty woke up for school the next morning he found his grandfather passed out at his work bench with a strange device looming over his head. Morty didn't know why but looking at it sent dread coursing through his body, he had a feeling he knew someone who could help him and his grandpa. She was... Rick's friend? (Y/n) (L/n), well honestly he didn't know what their relationship was at the moment, because a few years ago she used to visit daily but again that was years ago, he thinks they might have gotten in a fight or something. But if anyone could help him, it was her.

So he asked his mom to give him a ride to her house, but it took some convincing because what mother wouldn't question why her 14 year old son is going to a 23 year olds house by himself, like what kinda porn set up type bullshit, but after he explained his concerns for his grandpa she agreed. Once he got there he told his mom he would get a ride home and she complied and left. He rang the doorbell of the large house and waited, once the door opened he felt like all the air had been knocked out of his lungs.

She was absolutely gorgeous, her (S/C) skin looked so beautiful in the sun's light and her (long,short,medium) (straight,curly,wavey, kinky) (H/C) hair was beautiful. She was (Tall/short) and (Skinny,medium,thick) it made Morty wonder if her and Rick were ever more than friends at one point. What really got to him was what she was wearing, it was a matching set, a long sleeve sweater and shorts  "Morty? Hello? You alright there kid?" He snapped out of his trance and nodded "Sorry, and sorry again for showing up unannounced but i need your help."

She looked at him for a couple of seconds before sighing "Listen first come in it's weird talking outside like this, and second, if this has anything to do with Sanchez I'm sorry but i can't help you." He frowned, why did she call him Sanchez? And why did her (E/C) eyes look so sad when she said it? He came in and she led him to her living room where they sat on the couch "So what happened?" He asked her, he really thought if he knew why she suddenly stopped talking to Rick he would be able to help "Morty, i guarantee if Rick is going through something right now it hasn't got anything to do with me, we haven't talked in years."

How did she know? "How do you know that's the problem?" he asked, she giggled playfully rolling her eyes at him "Rick and i used to work together, well if you could really even call it that, it was more like working next to each other and having conversations. But we were also intimate with each other and i know the only reason you would be here without him is because there's a problem concerning him."

His eyes widened if Rick worked with her that could only mean that she was a genius too, so if they were partners and lovers in one way or another then how could she not be the problem? But then again they hadn't talked in years. She was right there was no way she could be the cause of his grandpa acting strange. With that he felt pretty much defeated, what now? He didn't know how to contact anyone else or even who to talk to, it took him almost two weeks just to find her and she lived on earth there was no way in fuck he’d be able to get in contact with anyone else without Rick.

"So what do i do now (Y/N)? I just want grandpa Rick to go back to normal, I can tell he’s faking being his old self." He sighed and dropped his head, his shoulders slumped, he resembled a kicked puppy in all honesty, they stood in silence for a while before she sighed, "Have you met Unity? Or has he talked to them recently?" she asked with an almost sour look on her face, Morty nodded "Well there you go, she probably fucked him then left again" Morty had an oo0oh moment and nodded.

"Just like all things he'll get over it, now i think it's about time i take you back home yeah?" He nodded, but now he felt kind of bad she seemed really, bothered by something . "(Y/N) have you ever liked Rick? Or you know when you used to come over a lot were you together?" He asked as they walked out the door and to her car. "Yes, we did date at the time, well what i thought was dating until he bluntly told me it was nowhere near that and i was just quote un quote, "something to do." As they got in the car Mortys mouth dropped open no wonder she just disappeared from their life like that.

"i-im sorry Rick’s a real dick sometimes" she shrugged and focused her eyes on the road, ”Listen Morty your grandpa is a lot of things, a dick especially, and when it comes to emotions, especially his own, he becomes a coward, please Morty i know you've picked up about 300 shitty casualties from him but avoid that like your life depends on it. Okay? Or at least promise to try?” Morty could tell how serious she was without even looking at her.

 The rest of the ride was silent, once she pulled into the driveway of Morty’s house she groaned seeing that the garage was open and Rick was standing in front of it. With his arms crossed, the moment his eyes landed on (Y/n) she felt her stomach drop, her hands were shaking, which Morty noticed. "Fuck me" she said under her breath, Morty got out the car but she stayed still almost frozen. "B-Bout damn time yo-ughh- you got here." Morty groaned "How did you even know I left?" Rick rolled his eyes "your mom o-obviously di-ugh-dipshit." Morty shook his head and waved goodbye to (y/n).

She waved back, she jumped when she realized Rick was now at her window motioning for her to get out she rolled her eyes before reluctantly getting out. He looked her up and down before stopping and staring at her lips, his eyes just sat there for a good minute before she cleared her throat. "Did you have something to say or did you just wanna stand here lookin’ stupid?" He scoffed before taking a swig of his flask "Y-You know yo-ughhh you never wer- seemed like one to hold a g-grudge. Thought yo-you wou-ughh would have got- been over it b-by now."

she stared at him with a blank expression before she back handed him sending him stumbling "wha-what the fuck!?" he exclaimed as he looked at her he was gonna say more till he noticed the tears streaming down her expressionless face "How long have we known each other rick?" he looked at her questionably "hey y-your ughh c--" she cut him off her voice a little louder than before "How fucking long rick?" he stood up right and looked into her watery (e/c) eyes as he held his cheek. "5 years" she nodded "and how many times in those 5 years did you introduce me to the many girls you fucked, the girls you ploughed mindlessly just to get off?”

he looked at her questionably again "none." he said simply "how many of them did you introduce to birdperson, or squanchy, or the people you know from other fuckin universes, Matter of fuckin’ fact, how many of those whores did you see walking around with different dimension ricks at the citadle?" he didn't have to think at all before saying "none" she nodded

"Rick not only, not fuckin’ only did you introduce me to squanchy, birdperson, and other Rick’s and their (y/n), when you decided you were ready to go back into Beths life you introduced me to your family, to your only daughter, to your nephew, your niece, and the dickhead that you cant fuckin’ stand for knockin you daughter up, that that in itself should be enough proof that im not just a hole off the street for you to have fun with" he stood silently still looking into her (e/c) eyes.

"And that the crazy fuckin’ thing rRick! not once did we even have sex, we never went further than sleep naked together! So for you to have looked me directly in my fucking face, and tell me that I was simply something to do didn't hurt, what hurt was the fact that you lied! You lied Rick! Straight through yo motha fuckin’ teeth! The fact that you're a genius doesn't mean shit to me when you don't even have the damn brain capacity to admit when you care about someone! You are a fuckin coward! I know you're scared to be hurt again, fine! But dont fucking pussy out and act like the shit that we had meant nothing!"

Rick was at a lost for words he didn't want to get attached to anyone since Diane and he knew that, he watched as (Y/n) wiped the tears from her eyes ``It hurts like a bitch to love someone so much, and to know that they love you back but won't admit it, it just makes you feel like they’re ashamed of you, like you're ashamed of me, Rick i asked for nothing when we first met." she sighed

“I told you that i just wanted to learn, you took that as if i can get the bitch to trust me enough i can eventually fuck her, yet you never even made a move Rick, your exact words were, i dont want you talking to anyone else, and i accepted that as your fucked up way of asking me out. i never once asked to label us because i already knew what we were, i thought i actually meant something to you.” The two sat in silence for a couple minutes she had hoped he would say something, and when he didn't she shook her head and got ready to get back in her car " I have to go, tell Morty to come see me whenever i guess." she turned ready to get in her car till she fell through a lime green portal. She landed in Rick's room, on his bed to be exact Rick soon came in after opening another portal and walked through.

“When normal people want to talk they usually use their words.” she said as she rolled her eyes and stoop up intending to leave, she wasn't the person she was 5 years ago, he couldn't kiss and caress his way out of this one. She was sick of him talking his way out of things his words couldn't be trusted and his actions were misleading so at this point fuck it, fuck him, fuck his hugs, his kisses, his scent, fuck the way he looked at her with longing eyes and made her weak in the knees. 

Fuck everything, enough was enough, either he wanted to be with her, or he didnt those were his options, she hadnt even realized tears were freely falling down her (S/C) cheeks, she was shaking, she had tried to pursue a relationship with at least 10 other men and it all failed, she was taping her foot fast with her arms crossed as she kept looking at the ground 

She didnt want him to see her like that the man had barely said a fuckin word and here she stood crying her eyes out, damn near hyperventilating “I’m sorry … you’re right, i am a fuckin coward and everything you said is true … fuck this is making me nauseous, all this sappy bullshit, to sum up this shit show of our relationship i love you, i am a cunt for pulling that bullshit, like you didnt mean anything to me because unfortunately you do, i gave into the pathetic chemical reaction that makes me just as human and vulnerable as the rest of our shitty race, hell i might even be a little less Rick because of this shit but if it means you wont disappear again …. It's worth it.”

She slowly approached Rick and buried her face in his chest as she cried, finally the dickhead admitted to well, being a dickhead and a liar, and a coward, and a cunt pussy shit fuck bastard, and his way of apologizing, it was.. Shitty but that's what she expected, he held her tightly kissing the top of her head inhaling her sent messaging her scalp through her (kinky,curly,thick,straight) hair

Once again they'd be sharing the night together she already knew he wasn't letting her leave so after she had stopped crying and did all the things she needed to do before she went to sleep she crawled into bed with him usually shed sleep on his chest but tonight rick insisted on sleeping on her chest probably his way of making sure she stayed there. Of course the two were butterball ass naked it was the only way she could sleep, “i love you” rick said just as she was drifting to sleep she smiled and kissed his forehead “i love you too.”  

[notfairestwriting]

lis loses his mind over classpects, pt 1 out of possibly many

@tisafinedayforsimping​ totally wasnt waiting for you to reply bc i analyzed mar in my head previously MAR IS A KNIGHT OF HOPE. i thought knight of breath before since her character is pretty strongly tied to seeking freedom but Hear Me Out. hope is an aspect for determination and faith/belief and mar just has that in heaps when it comes to her goals. and knight in the “protects their aspect” sense since her character feels a lot like “protecting ones own determination at times”

BUT. i also say this because in universe an important part of a hope players development is to have their hopes shattered and undergo some sort of despair at one point that they have to overcome to become stronger. and it reminds me very much of those bad endings you wrote for her a while back especially with how they always ended up with her finding one way out of it. shes not only a knight of hope but The knight of hope to me.

@wildnya​ it IS better that you dont know dont worry just enjoy me gifting your boy a fun little fantasy world label. nya would be... a maid of life. maid doesnt have a very strict definition but ive seen “one who prepares others through their aspect” and i think it kind of suits him, life being pretty self explanatory but more about the idea of “life force” than anything. him being kind of this emotional support figure could land him a maid of heart title too (heart as in emotions in this case) but in the case of twst i feel like life would fit better since emotional state pretty much equals the idea of life force with the whole overblot concept. id ont know maybe im tripping but thats him for me.

@eirasummers​ i may not know them too well... but i for one reason remember very vividly the info doc you posted in the server months ago so anyway HERE is szi and dillon because i love them dearly even though i dont know them as well.

szi.... reading his file is doing something to my brain because i feel like you could go so many different paths with his whole unfortunate situation. i would first classify him as a bard of light, meaning the (unsolicited) inviting of destruction of his aspect (despite his best efforts) and light taking in every one of its possible meanings, knowledge and luck and success. patting him on the head sorry for this one. another possible, angstier route would be heir of doom??? just a very weak one as in hes provided with his aspect, doom meaning just misfortune. both labels kind of mean the same just with different vibes. i think i like bard of light best for him (this poor bastard though. godspeed boy i believe in you) if he was a little less honest as a person and more prone to “cheating” i would 100% make him a thief of light however.

dillon... maybe a heir of life?? life in a sorta metaphorical “resilience” sense too since life players are known for that and as much of a funny little guy dillon is hes gone through some difficult times. something like provided/protected by the capacity to live on, regarding adaptation and resilience. surprisingly simple actually.

[whereyoursoulresides]

So me again, I will search for that fic but I cant promise anything its been a while and I dont remember where I found it, sorry about that. For the Nephrite/Zoisite hatred, I meant it in a "we spend 200years as eachothers only company and we dont really like the other to begin with" even people who do like eachother cant spend 200years alone with out maybe wanting to kill the other. Of course thn comes Kunzite and he brings in a whole other dynamic....1/2

2/2 I agree that he never had to tame Zoisite...I really dislike that trope, I meant it more in an "learning" to hide his temper better kind of way. I cant say much about the American dub, I only know the german and japanischen one. I do think that, he got quit the temper but hides it behind a pretty face and pretty speech,you'd never see it coming. I find it really interessting that on one hand he is genuinly in love but is also rather treacherous and at least a bit cruel.

So sorry for the long wait in reply, anon! I was bogged down earlier this week with meatspace stuff, + poorly managing my time between writing fic and attempting to try some fanart 😅 But your messages have been on my brain the entire time! 

Ah yes! I had forgotten about the aspect of time - hundreds of years with the same people would be exhaustingly trying and I can definitely see tensions festering up from there. And I definitely agree that Kunzite’s role is less about “taming” and more about coaching, in essence - Zoisite has a lot of potential and skill of his own merit, but can be tampered by his youth. Much of the flareups aren’t only inclusive of anger - there’s a lot of mortification, anxiety, jealousy, and bittersweetness for retribution as part of his lovely range of emotions. Its here, I think, where you also find the treachery and his capacity cruelty - it sparks from the ignition of his baseline personality, but is exacerbated and fanned by his immaturity and youth.

The reason I say this is because I feel like his patience is actually one of his most overlooked qualities within the fandom. Yes, he is anxious and earnest, and quick to throw Nephrite public shade when he can - but his arc as a whole is a testament to how Zoisite can commit to a long game. Consider: his choice of lover to pursue (a man whose patience is often portrayed as nearly unmovable), his ability to stay continually focused and un-discouraged over the course of tracking down 7 rainbow crystals, and even how he waits for the senshi to finish speaking before he attacks. Most telling to me, actually, is how he measures himself before Nephrite’s death...he doesn’t rush into battle, despite how riled up he’s shown to previous episodes. He takes his time, measures himself and his abilities, and engages when the time is right. That amount of control is pretty impressive and contrary to the perception that he’d stab Nephrite in the back at a moment’s notice. Whether it was by Kunzite’s coaching or his own control is up to anyone’s guess.

Where I will say is a true example of Zoisite’s recklessness and impatience is actually his swift choice to end Tuxedo Mask and Usagi in the elevator. This decision, I think, highlights the core root of Zoisite’s psychosis - his “temper” and his love are intertwined. Consider the  timeline of his quintessential outrages: jealousy and hurt at Kunzite’s appreciation of another, shock and anger at Kunzite’s total misreading of why he procures the rainbow crystals, his tantrum in the warehouse (ruining a mission that, as previously stated for the audience, he would only do for Kunzite), and the cutting of his cheek by Mamoru (when they were finally so close to winning and they had all the rainbow crystals that Kunzite wanted and FUCK now he’s not even at his most fucking beautiful for his momentous date). Throughout the entire arc, Zoisite had been comporting himself with all his self-control to achieve what is basically his love proposal, and now he is fucking done.

With the full context of Zoisite’s motivations and continually mounting stresses, his rage and cruelty at setting the elevator on fire seem less like another example of his poorly-held temper, but one of his control finally snapping. And in that moment of time, it’s his immaturity that cracks his grips and slips him too far - had Zoisite been a little older, a little more wise, he might have been able to stay his hand, or at least not blow up an elevator and a dramatic display of pyrotechnics. But this is Zoisite at an age where his affections seem like those of a schoolish crush, where his highest aspiration is to die romantically in the arms of his beloved. I think we can all agree that Zoisite is a testy bundle of passionate emotions and nerves, but I would say his temper and cruelty aren’t as closely linked to his personal self as people think - they’re bound right up to the most important driver of his person: his capacity to love. It is because of his love that he can be cruel.

[libra-araelty]

Hello!

My name is Neo. I am a neurodivergent young adult from the United States.

Neurodivergent, you say?

Yes! Neurodivergent means my brain does not function the same way that a typical human does. However that does not stop me from living a normal, everyday life just like everyone else!

I have Asperger’s Syndrome, Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder (MaDD), and Dyscalculia, all diagnosed. It is also highly suspected that i have Bipolar Disorder and Trichotillomania (TTM), suggested to me by people who have either condition.

Being subject to these conditions, I have quite a few struggles in my daily life. I have sensory issues, so things like uncomfortable clothes and strong scents can make it so I’m unable to function at full capacity. If these sensory issues are pushed further and further, I am at risk of going into a sensory overload or a meltdown. That only happens very rarely for me, though.

My attention span is very flaky, and I have a difficult time staying on one topic for long periods of time. I need constant changing stimuli for me to not burn out while on a task. This ironically contributes to hyperfixation, an intense focus on one particular thing for a period of time. I know, that seems like the opposite of what I said before, but they are linked. See, hyperfixation isn’t exactly something that can be forced. When hyperfocusing, I may not be able to take myself out of that particular focus, and it consumes all my thoughts for however long my brain decides to hyperfixate on it. This contributes to my flaky attention span because instead of being able to force myself to focus on something im supposed to be doing, instead the brain goes “no, you’re going to think about this one thing and we’re going to make it very hard for you to focus on anything BUT this one thing. Special Interests (SI’s) follow a similar, yet more intense pattern. SI’s last much longer, if not lifelong for me. Theyre more prominent and effective on my life than my hyperfixations.

This is where MaDD comes into play. MaDD is a condition that can be adopted and unlearned. The DSM doesn’t recognize it as an official disorder, but it is a condition that exists in many people, especially people with attention or anxiety related contitions. MaDD shares a lot of traits with cases of addiction too, however this one is much easier to take control of and is not exactly harmful. The first word, maladaptive, can be broken in half: Mal and Adaptive. Mal means bad or poor, and adaptive means the ability to adapt. Maladaptive Daydreaming basically means daydreaming that causes poor adaptation skills. MaDDers are typically those who have conditions like Autism, AD(H)D, OCD, General Anxiety, and Dyslexia. Most people adopt the technique of Maladaptive Daydreaming in their childhood or early teens and if not caught early on, can last their entire lives. However, MaDD isn’t essentially a harmful thing. Like I said, it’s easily controlled. You may be asking, “what exactly is it about MaDD that causes poor adaptation? its just daydreaming.” MaDDers daydream at an average of 6 hours minimum a day. These daydreams are intense and easily triggered by everyday things like music, art, friends, even normal emotional events. MaDDers tend to use these dreams as an escape from reality but also a reality of their own, like a lucid dream but for your waking self. The daydreams tend to have intricately woven worlds, stories, chracters, and plots, all feeling just as real to the dreamer as the rest of life itself. MaDDers tend to daydream to escape real situations they may not want to be a part of and sometimes even cancel plans just to continue to daydream.

Why are you telling me all of this? This all seems so personal and insignificant to me.

This is FAR from insignificant to anyone. You may not be Autistic or a MaDDer or even neurodivergent, but I know that as a human being you still have lots of struggles, just like me. Ive told you all about my struggles and you’re probably thinking “wow how pathetic, they cant control their own brain.” Yeah actually, I can. Even if you weren’t thinking that, (which I actually highly doubt anyone was thinking that I just wanted to put an example of worst case scenario) what if I told you that no matter what, no matter who you were or what you were going through, you can still grab hold of yourself and make your life yours? You better believe it, because despite all the conditions I just told you I have, I have taught myself to make my own path in life and not let my struggles decide what my fate is. I believe anything is possible with a little patience and elbow grease, so thats why I have made this blog. It is sorta a combination of a journal, an advice blog, and an inspirational quote blog. I want to be able to share my knowledge of my identity and experiences in order to hopefully inspire someone to get up out of the hole theyre stuck in and make their life their own again! I love the conditions I have, and I use their benefits as my superpowers and dont let the negative aspects of them hold me back. They are a part of me and who I am and I will treat them with just as much love and care as I should treat myself, and hopefully you can treat yourself with the same amount of love too <3

With love,

Neo

P.S.

Heres a couple more fun facts about me!

My biggest special interests are Homestuck, Dragons, and literally just identity in general and have been special to me for almost 5 years now

I love music and my favorite artists are Imagine Dragons, Fall Out Boy, OneRepublic, Vance Joy, hi i’m Case, Of Monsters and Men, and Watsky!

I love to draw and play D&D! I love the character creation and I’m currently working on my own campaign

My personality labels are Sun Libra, Moon Sagittarius, Rising Taurus, INTP-T, 5w4, 541, Ravenclaw, Thunderbird, Seer of Heart, Dersian, True Neutral, Blue-Green Paladin, Firebender, and Skywing Elf

If I were a D&D character I’d be a true neutral forest gnome sorcerer sage who wields a katana and raises dragons

My favorite movies are How To Train Your Dragon (1&2), It, Star Wars, and Pete’s Dragon (2016). My favorite shows are The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance, The Dragon Prince, Camp Camp, Gravity Falls, Twelve Forever and The Mandalorian

I love making aesthetics and stimboards, my favorite colors are blue violet, cornflower, sapphire, teal, spring green, and bubblegum pink. I love pastel kawaii fashion because of these colors

I either want to become a cartoonist or a counselor as a career, or both and be able to use one to help the other

[theimpossiblescheme]

Mungojerrie and Demeter for the ask thing!

Oh, awesome--let’s do this!  Starting with Mungojerrie...

Why I like them: He’s an adorable chaos gremlin with a surprising amount of depth when you get past the comic relief.  I have a lot of feelings about how he left Macavity’s inner circle and dealt with all of the fallout, yet still managed to keep his happy-go-lucky goofball spirit... he’s just wonderful, okay?

Why I don’t: ... I literally can’t think of anything not to like about Mungojerrie.  If you hate any member of the Chaos Duo, I can only assume you hate happiness.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): The scene in 1998 movie where he’s the first cat on his feet to attack Macavity after Munkustrap goes down, fuelled by sheer righteous rage that this asshole would hurt his new family... we stan a brave boy.

Favorite season/movie: Drew Varley from the ‘98 movie will always have my heart, but I also adore the 1993 Buenos Aires and 2015 Tecklenburg productions and their Mungojerries just as much!

Favorite line: “We are plausible fellows who like to engage/A friendly policeman in conversation!”  Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer really said waste the cops’ time and resources, and we adore them for it.

Favorite outfit: Out of all his different looks, I’m probably most fond of his classic Broadway design.  Although the Hamburg design comes in as a close second!

OTP: I’m a sucker for Mistojerrie--let them be cute and mischievous together.

Brotp: I headcanon him and Rumpleteazer as twins, and I can’t imagine one without the other, so it’s got to be them!  I also love his friendship with Tugger--the little fist-bump from the ‘98 video is so cute.

Headcanon: One of the girls at his home in Victoria Grove will read him bedtime stories all the time, and he loves it enough that he actually learned how to read human writing from looking over her shoulder.  He likes sci-fi stories best--his favorite book is Journey to the Center of the Earth, mostly for the dinosaurs.

Unpopular opinion: I don’t headcanon him as having any other blood family in the Junkyard outside of Teazer.  He loves plenty of the older cats, but he’s reluctant to think of any of them as parental figures--he’s very “I’m sixteen years old and I don’t need a governess” about it. XD

A wish: I can’t really think of anything--I just hope he’s never forgotten!

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: Yeah, see the above--a production without the Chaos Duo would never be the same.

5 words to best describe them: Hilarious, rebellious, resilient, sweet, supportive

My nickname for them: Jerrie. <3

And now onto Demeter!

Why I like them: She’s such an incredibly complex character that you wouldn’t expect to see in a show that’s basically a two-hour long song and dance revue.  There’s such an incredible inner strength and elegance to her, and she has such a capacity for love.  And of course her singing voice is always to die for.

Why I don’t: Again, I cannot think of a single reason anyone wouldn’t like Demeter.  She is a treasure and should be treated as such.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): The Tecklenburg production was incredibly big-brained for letting her physically attack Macavity twice to draw his fire away from her loved ones, and I’m still emotional about it, my dude.

Favorite season/movie: Kim Faure is probably my favorite Demeter actress, so I have to go with the 2016 revival--she’s just so good.

Favorite line: “Or another Peke’s been stifled!”  The way a good actress will just scream-sing that line... *chef’s kiss*

Favorite outfit: Gotta be a toss-up between the Broadway and Hamburg designs again!

OTP: Demestrap is a Classic Romance that I adore, but Exometer (Exotica/Demeter) is my certified rarepair I have no evidence for other than just thinking they’re neat and should kiss.

Brotp: I don’t headcanon her and Bombalurina as mates, but I do still headcanon them as extremely close.  I also love Demeter’s friendship with Jellylorum.

Headcanon: She and Jemima will stargaze together on nights when neither of them can sleep, and since she doesn’t know any of the human stories behind the constellations she’ll make ones up.

Unpopular opinion: Not exactly unpopular anymore, but that whole “He was wonderful when he made love to me, but I hated him” business about her and Macavity can just... go away forever.

A wish: I wish that more productions would bring her more out of Macavity’s shadow, if that makes any sense.  She’s a fully-rounded character with a family who loves her and things that make her happy--she’s much more than “Macavity’s abused ex-mate.”

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: See the above again--she’s more than her past with Macavity, dammit.

5 words to best describe them: Brave, sensitive, kind-hearted, intuitive, protective

My nickname for them: I just call her Dem.

[pluralthey]

hey uh. as an artist with depression, how do you sorta. make your brain have the capacity to acutally devote energy to doing art/coming up with ideas/being creative in general. my dumbass brain isnt even able to like. devote energy to typing sentences when its really bad ya know. if this is an odd question then uhhh yea you dont have to respond yeet

depression is not my biggest problem so i’m not sure i’d have good advice.first of all probably address HALT protocol to make sure all of the basics are taken care of and not making it worse.

coffee can be a good pick-me-up but you’ll develop something of a tolerance over time so it can’t be a perfect every day solution. probably divorce from your mind that you need to draw every day to be a good artist too. i hate hearing this from other people though because it feels like they’re not getting that i’m trying to say NOT drawing every day is usually making me feel worse cuz i like Want to draw every day so… grain of salt.coffee doesn’t even last long enough to do a whole illustration in one day so aim low, draw things that are fun and easy for you at first to build up Artist Confidence. also, drawing shit about being depressed might be easier to draw since it’s like you’re already in the mood anyway, very prepared, committed method acting.exercise also helps clear the fog or make me feel the emotional weight just bearing down on me feel a little lighter, but it’s just as hard to get motivated to exercise when depressed. i’m not talking like a jog or hard exercise, just a brisk walk for 10 minutes. this one gets easier once you’ve figured out it helps you feel better, if it does, ime. it also gets my appetite working sometimes which goes away when i’m depressed and it obviously gets worse from not eating enough or not enjoying the food enough.

try being nice to yourself also. i often have serious issues with repressing happy emotions out of fear that i’ll get hurt, so this is a huge one for me. human brains r really programmed to live with freedom or to just not want to live at all…find some good friends who know your immediate happiness and sense of security is more important than what they find Cringe and stay in contact w/them so you have some reinforcement when you finally do something you wanted to and go like “HOLY FUCKBALLS I HAVEN’T DRAWN IN 8 MONTHS AND I JUST MADE SOMETHING AND I THINK I MIGHT BE GOD NOW??” add some intentionally goofy voice to it or like a ton of exclamation points and 1′s to make it sound more satirical if it’s too embarrassing. don’t undercut it with “but this is bad” or “but i gave up here” internally in the moment, it’s okay to think critically about ur art but there are appropriate times and places and “when art is really hard to do AT ALL” is not one of those times.this one has been really important to me cuz it helps art feel like something that helps me feel better, it can be something i crave like less productive things such as video games if i let the actual mental reward happen.

all this shit has been just basic depression advice tho. my one thing that i never see anybody mention and one thing that really helps me buckle down on some days when it’s the worst is i will literally just livestream my canvas while a trusted loved one watches me work on it (or not work on it). when it’s really hard i just choose a more private site to stream on.disclaimer that i have SO many meltdowns and i cry and i yell at myself and i angrily scribble all over the canvas, it’s embarrassing and stupid but it’s become a reliable way to do something when i am REALLY desperate as long as i’ve taken care of myself otherwise. this is stuff my brain is usually trying to keep me from doing by just shutting down when staring at the canvas so it has to happen either way or just go months without confronting it, basically. this might be just a thing i experience because of a different disorder though.at all times aim to make sure you don’t have to handle this alone, even if it’s only for a few minutes while somebody helps w/a small thing by offering input, whatever.

that’s really all the advice i have from personal experience. sorry if it doesn’t help, doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you personally

[svankmajerbaby]

ok so

warrior nun has consumed my brain so here I Will Express My Thots Regarding It

probably spoilers i guess

so what i wanna talk about specifically is about the characters, which is really what sold me on the show (besides the gorgeous cinematography and the fact i went to andalucia on january and i recognize a lot of places and churches ive been to and i love watching it)

so first, of course, Ava: i think shes one of my new favorite characters, ever?? not only does she have Big Bi Vibes, shes actually really good at balancing snarky-coping-mechanism-humor. her narration and flashbacks do a great job at explaining just how much of it she had to use to cope with the awful nun that cared for her in the orphanage; as she said, its "small victories" to mock and insult the woman who verbally abuses her. but, besides that, humour is also a bonding mechanism, too: little is said of Diego, who was Avas closest friend for probably most of her life. it explains to a certain point why she has a bit of a childish side, but it also shows just how empathic she is and her relative ease to make friends. then. theres the issue that some of my favorite types of protagonists are those who may be tortured, may be sheltered (idk) but who manage to keep fighting on, love life and are in awe of it, remain positive and even spread their positivity to others. i really like when these characters have a clear enthusiasm -im so bored of dismissive, snarky, nihilist protagonists -but Ava is like. a ray of sunshine. her happiness at being out of the orphanage, at being free and able to experience everything is so contagious, i kept smiling through the first few episodes. even later in the season she finds the humour in any situation, she remains amazed by what her fellow warriors can do, and just. shes a goddamn delight. i love her and love how she grows from an overexcited teenager running for her life and evading her responsability to accepting her role as a saviour -and even willing to die to stop the cycle of "chosen ones" halo bearers.

and now Mary. my god, Mary. shes just a type of character i hadnt seen before and i didnt know i would love so much. her first appearance is crying as her best friend (and maybe something else??) dies in her arms. for the rest of the series Mary will be characterized as The Badass, a title she readily accepts. but shes also vulnerable and willing to expose herself and her emotions in order to bond with others -while also wary of being manipulated through them, as in the fight on the docks with Lilith. Mary is just a beautiful combination of this softness and kindness that has to be balanced with the fight for survival; she came from such painful places, being forced to struggle to stay alive: and yet she isnt afraid of love, of being loved: she is a realist, deeply aware of the circumstances she is in, but this doesnt deter her from ever doing the moral thing, to protect others, to fight for them and not only for herself. the fact theres a whole episode dedicated to her bonding with Ava, talking about her life and her deeds, makes it obvious to me that she is The character who mostly embodies the values of the Order of the Cruciform Sword -quite ironic, since while she is a member, she isnt one of the ordained nuns. that independence she has kind of defines her character, too -smart enough to know not to trust the church and to also fight alongside her friends for what she believes in.

and so we come to Lilith. the original Chosen One. she exists in a world defined by purpose and sacrifice: she has seen how the Warrior Nuns end up killed, and still she wants this -to be basically a martyr in a "holy war" -because not only is it her birthright, what she had been raised for her entire life, what her family has been doing for generations -but also because it is her purpose. that is her sole destiny, the only thing she sees herself fit for. this doesnt mean she is evil, though, or self-centered. its true that Lilith can be too one-track-minded, to the point of being able to kill; but she clearly views her being the Warrior Nun, the Halo Bearer, as the only way to ensure the continuity of the community and to save the world. her whole life has been consumed by this "holy war"; and, by what Mary said, its something that her pride has been feeding ever since Shannon was chosen instead of her. she should be the one. she should have the honor to suffer and die for the world. and this is her tragedy, to be honest: despite having friends, despite being loved by her fellow nuns, she feels she needs to be this hero for her life to make sense. it has been her entire life. and when someone else took that purpose from her, everything that is left is anger and anguish.

and this is a nice segway to Beatrice, whos just. while Mary is what a Nun of the OCS should be, and Lilith is what she thinks a Nun of the OCS should be, Beatrice is what a Nun of the OCS probably is most of the time. someone who, while not as self sacrificing as Lilith, is completely devoted to her life in the Order. and, as she explains, most of the nuns are much like herself: hiding past lives, cloaking secrets, trying to find a purpose in the community where they can devote their lives to something greater than themselves. its a way of coping, of keeping on, of finding love and friendship and happiness alongside girls like them. but Beatrice is one of those who arent as hidden and reserved: she yearns for understanding, for a friendship that goes deeper than surface level. this is not an attempt to diminish her relationships with her other friends; she displays the capacities of a good leader, and clearly values her fellow nuns. but theres a clear pattern of her shutting off vulnerabilities in order to be the best at what she does -overachieving, in a way -not with the intent of fulfilling a purpose, like Lilith, but to be seen as "good". as she tells Ava in that magnificent scene, Beatrice comes from a conservative background from where she had learnt to hide everything that could be seen as improper, as bad. she fights the hardest and stays the strongest because she cannot let herself fail: if she is exposed, if her flaws are revealed and her emotions uncovered, she risks her place in the community -where she has built her entire life around, where she managed to escape from her previous life. and so her story is one of opening up, of learning to go that extra step and allowing herself to cry, to be soft, to be vulnerable with others, to share her fears instead of masking them.

finally, none of these issues seem to be a problem for Camila. i dont have a lot to say about her because i think shes still got room to grow as a character, but i like how shes simultaneously "the kid" of the group, and the smartest one from a technological standpoint. shes probably the one who finds the OCS a place of friendship and community, just like Beatrice, while also being a place of deep, untapped knowledge. she is very interested in studying the history or the Order, of knowing what is the divinium, of how the Warrior Nun comes to be. she is not afraid to be vulnerable, nor to be honest about her thoughts and feelings: i feel she is the one who closest follows Mary's example. shes just less focused, less trained, less finely tuned as the rest of the nuns. and still she manages to be a really good fighter, so im just really excited to see where her character will go next.