#i feel like i need to make it even bigger though - goals for next time i guess!

[bigkickguy]

fear and hunger meme doodle! I want to see Karin be mean to the rest of the cast too! :,)

[soapoet]

what's next in love...? [ singles ]

detailed af.

like & rb if it resonates ♡

01.

it seems like you've been living life half awake, daydreaming of many scenarios you'd wish come true. even in established relationships you may find yourself wishing for more of something. you may have been told your ideals are naive, to lay off the romcoms and fics and be a little more realistic. you may have found yourself excited at every prospect of new love, giddy and involved, endlessly curious and a true lover of the rose coloured glasses. and perhaps you've found plenty of reasons to rejoice, but somehow things eventually trickle down and get into the mundane and the routines. and it frustrates you. so much. is there really no one out there whose loving gestures and kind words don't become clockwork, expected chores and scripted events?

there is. and this one feels a little 'too good to be true'. you yourself may sooner rather than later find yourself pinching your arm to check if you're actually awake. i suggest you try to hold back on the told-you-so's to the naysayers, as some of them have your best interest at heart. and not only that, but will provide a lot of guidance and support in terms of navigating this next chapter in love. it'll be a bit of a whirlwind and a maze, but with much promise at the end as a reward.

if you've been sitting on some sort of project, waiting to launch yourself into a new endeavour, you should get back on track. especially if you've been procrastinating. somewhere down that path, there's a person you ought to meet. they relate to your goals somehow, perhaps having done the same themselves before. they have a lot to teach you and will become a priceless source of support, but don't expect things to be handed to you. your work is your own and your rewards will be bigger and better if you can in the future look back and say, damn, look at what i did, i achieved all that! that's of course not to say you can't find help from those around you. definitely ask for assistance and support when you need it. but to come out on the other side and say you made it, ideally you paved your own way for plenty of it because you deserve the final applause and praise so much. believe in yourself and don't let the little voice in the back of your head make you doubt yourself and your ideas.

this person seems like a bit of a flirt. not in a way that should raise any concerns, as they are a very loyal person. they actually make it known loud and clear if they're already spoken for, and enjoy flaunting their partner in many ways. this is a person who will bring up your achievements and strengths at a social gathering, not to flex having you at their arm, but to genuinely shine a spotlight on you. especially if it'll get you flustered. they have a very playful energy to them that's endearing and youthful regardless of their actual age. a little bit of a peter pan vibe where they'll retain their young spirit well into their retirement. they're very easy-going and likeable, and have a lot of friends, and may connect you to a ton of new people. expect your social life to explode as a result of this connection, but at the same time be sure to make time for the friends and supporters that you have right now.

this person is used to being the centre of attention, not just socially, but professionally too. they may have a very visible job or hobbies that connect them to an audience of some kind within their chosen field. their energy is very contagious and fun, though that doesn't mean they're entirely air-headed and incapable of taking things seriously. i'm strongly getting that either they or someone close to them has struggled with a physical or mental illness for a good part of their life, so they have developed almost like an antenna to pick up on things going on that aren't being said out loud. especially if you're someone who frequently avoids bringing up your problems as to not burden others, or have a difficult time reaching out for support and being honest about how things affect you, you can rest assured that this person will quickly try to learn how to read you, or even outright ask how they can best assist you when you're struggling or even request some sort of secret code that you can use to communicate your unease so that they can quickly come to your aid.

they have a little bit of a problem taking their own concerns seriously. they seem to cope through distractions mostly. a positive in this is that they don't let things that are out of their control bother them and they do the best they can with what they got at any given time. a true optimist, but a negative aspect is that they may avoid facing their demons and try to outrun their problems. this can manifest itself with workaholic tendencies and a packed schedule in general. there might be some sort of saviour complex involved, too, in which they feel compelled to help everyone else and neglect their own needs. towards you in particular i'm getting a lot of pda and quality time. you slow them down a bit and help them stop to smell the roses. they'll be surprised by how much they've longed for peace and simplicity, and they find that solace and ease with you and it really heals them on a deep level, which in turn amps up the energy and effort they show you. goodbye routine lovers, honestly. this one walks the talk and really keeps up the pace long after the honeymoon phase.

some additional details: i'm not getting a lot in terms of appearance, which may suggest that you already know them, or at least know of them, even if they don't know of you yet. it's possible that you share mutual friends or interests or work within the same field. there is a big emphasis on their voice, and things may start off as long-distance with hours upon hours on the phone. astrological things that appear significant: leo, pisces, the sun, mercury, 11th house, 2nd house.

02.

you've been flying solo for a while now. perhaps you grew tired of, or dare i say even gave up on love? it may have seemed like there just aren't as many fish in the sea as promised. at least none that you could take seriously. and serious is what you want. and serious is what you're getting.

first and foremost i must say your standards aren't too high. do not feel ashamed of what you want, and don't let anyone tell you that you need to set realistic expectations. they're exactly where they need to be and you're attracting the quality you seek. you've ventured further out to sea to find yourself a bigger catch. the journey hasn't been easy, but it has helped you grow tremendously. i'm strongly getting that your past experiences have really helped you fine tune your build-a-bae, so to speak, and there's no more reconfiguring to do. you know what you want and what you don't want, how much of this and how much of that. the next lessons for you to learn in love are ones you will not tackle on your own, but alongside a long-term partner who is at your level. long gone are the days of disappointments and putting up with feeling like you're outgrowing your partner, because this next person is mature and ready to grow with you.

this person is what fairytales would call your true love. in as many ways as you are one and the same, you differ, sometimes wildly so. if you're an introvert, they're an extrovert. if you seek comfort, they seek adventure. it's your goals and dreams and values that hold hands in agreement, and that builds up a strong foundation for your connection. if you have a lot of feminine energy, they have a lot of masculine energy. you two may even look like opposites in some ways, or come from different cultures. and do not fret, because your differences will be a blessing, not a curse. this isn't a re-run of a love where you felt like you weren't seen or heard and were made to bend. there is a distinct element of give and take here. a beautiful balance wherein they enjoy your world and your ways, and don't force you to change any of it, and you feel compelled out of genuine desire to take their hand and let them show and share their world with you. and you're able to coexist perfectly fine in a way that makes you both feel fulfilled and at ease.

things may stall a little at first, because this person will have a bit of whiplash when the two of you meet. they may feel as if you stepped right out of their dreams in a way. like a ghost from their childhood when they were around their parents or grandparents and thought of the person they'd grow old with some day. and suddenly you're there, a distant memory made flesh, a memory forgotten long ago making a big splash as it resurfaces. but once they gather themselves i see that they'll be very direct in their pursuit of you. and it's quite the old school courting, too. they make their intentions clear and have the follow-through to walk their talk. this is a very open and honest person, although they appear a bit emotionally disconnected at times. it's not due to a lack of emotional sensitivity, but processing things before acting or speaking is a part of their character. they're very serious in love, and don't seem to fit into the modern age of tinder and hookups.

they may have a strong connection to the sea, live by the ocean, look mediterranean, or enjoy activities related to water. their features in general leans darker. be it their eyes, hair, skin, or the way they dress. there is something specifically drawing me to their hands. perhaps they work with their hands, are a very crafty person, or have a physically demanding job. or simply have very attractive hands that you would take note of. physical touch is important to them, and they are very protective of their loved ones.

speaking of loved ones, they have strong familial ties and may come from a big family. i'm also strongly getting that they come from money, though without the nepotism often associated with it. their father in particular may have made it a point to raise them with a lot of discipline and drive to make something of themselves and not just rely on a trustfund. this person is ambitious and a hard worker, and prefers to be involved and hands-on with what they do. i'm also seeing siblings playing a big role in your connection. one in particular could connect with you in a meaningful way. this family is one that will welcome you with open arms and you will feel as though you have gained another family to call your own. if you have any childhood wounds related to family, this one takes found family quite literally.

some additional details: travelling and holidays figure strongly. things get taken to the next level rather quickly because there is a lack of doubt involved. they're very generous with their time and money. this has massive signs of marriage. astrological things that appear significant: aries, taurus, saturn, the moon, the 4th house, the 9th house.

03.

it seems like you're stuck on something, or someone. and that situation didn't treat you fairly. this feels less like betrayal and more like you spent some time hauling dead weight around. in vain, i might add. either you already have or will soon drop it and move on. it might be difficult, though, and i apologise if i'm overstepping here, but in part it's due to an inability to truly let go on your part. if you want to get even, or show someone what they lost, do it by moving on with grace and making decisions for yourself and your own growth and success. beware of people around you who would gladly take advantage of your vulnerability right now. even if it feels like a rebound would benefit you, it'll only hurt you if you find yourself looking over the shoulder of another person to see if the one who hurt you sees and is affected by it. what will truly help you heal is to dust yourself off and focus on feeling whole within yourself. and don't worry, you didn't stumble into yet another love reading that will tell you, well, tough luck, no love for you, work on yourself! whilst i certainly will call you to take care of yourself and pursue things that serve you and your growth, i will also go over what's coming next.

and that's something a little eerie. you may have someone in your past, who you consciously or subconsciously measure everyone else up to. perhaps this was the one that got away, or someone you met at the wrong time. in one way or another, there is a situation you wish had happened differently. in your pursuit of finding yourself again and some solid ground to stand on after enduring stormy seas, you may run into someone who is eerily similar to someone you once knew. but at the right time, now. for some of you this may very well be the exact person you already have history with, or could've had history with, though with major improvements from the previous season. but for many this is just an oddly familiar stranger who gives you a bit of deja vu. they share many similarities with someone you've been attracted to, just less red flags and complications.

this person seems rather cerebral. their job, studies, or hobbies may revolve around psychology, literature, or science. they're very good with their words, both written and spoken. they can also be quite blunt, but not with malicious intent. they aren't afraid of speaking their mind, and may be quite passionate about their opinions. they're a great teacher, and a good student, too. they enjoy delving deeply into things and soak up new information like a sponge. they'll greatly value your opinion and perspective, and the two of you may engage in debates or discussions about a variety of topics. intellectually speaking you're on the same wavelength and seem to understand each other intuitively.

it's very possible that this starts off platonic. whilst you may be ready to jump into a relationship with them from the start, they prefer to take things slowly and really get to know you first. you may worry that the spark between you will fade over time, but this one is a lesson of patience and building a strong connection as a foundation first. especially if in the past you've been quick to hurt or get hurt, you're about to learn how differently a lover will treat you when you're first and foremost a dear friend. this connection has the potential of some serious power couple themes in the long run. the two of you feel almost dangerous as duo, but i think that just goes to show that the initial spark won't fade and actually benefit from a bit of a slow burn before the fire starts raging at full force.

there is a lot of chemistry between the two of you. a very push-and-pull, engaging, and intoxicating energy. you'll keep each other on your toes in a way that keeps things feeling fresh and exciting. you're partners in crime and the world appears to be your playground. any past heartbreaks and feelings of lack, even lackluster, is gone and replaced with adventure and passion. you're very attracted to them, and they to you, in a way that could be classified as an addiction if it weren't for the fact that the side effects are predominantly positive. the two of you may collaborate on some kind of project, and your joint efforts are sure to be a success. though you do many things together, you also support each other in your separate endeavours. there may be a bit of mutual artist and muse dynamic here, wherein you inspire them and they inspire you. you both value your individuality, and hype each other up.

this person feels devilish in some way. a maverick of sorts. they're taller, perhaps lanky, and there is an unconventional attractiveness to them. they have a unique look that really pulls you in and makes them stand out anywhere they go. they might dress in a way that makes them different from the crowd. they really march to the beat of their own drum. i'm not getting much in terms of family, so they may be very independent and live a life separate from family, or they may have some wounds in regards to their home life that they keep their walls up over. they take their friendships very seriously, many of them are ones they'd take a bullet for. this is a very ride or die type of person. they're very resilient and if they've known terrible hardships in their past, you'll be in awe of their personal strength and ability to get back up when they're knocked down.

some additional details: music is very relevant to the point where you should expect to receive a personalised playlist as a way for them to communicate their feelings for you. they might be musically inclined and play an instrument. astrological things that appear significant: scorpio, aquarius, aries, pluto, uranus, 3rd house, 10th house, 12th house.

[swordsandholly]

Across The Way

Ch. 2: And So It Begins

Retired!Ghoap x fem!plus size!Reader

MDNI

Ao3 | Previous - Next

Word Count: 2.6k

Summary: You go to Scotland with high hopes for your future. After all, you have the bakery you always dreamed of and a whole new life to live. Plus, the men who own the butcher’s shop across the street seem nice.

A/N: I got this out a lot faster than I thought I would. Hopefully my work doesn’t get too insane and I can get the next out in a timely manner - it’s going to be a bigger one!

“You were right.” Simon carefully cuts through the loaf with a serrated knife. He’s never lost his skill with them, despite their uses becoming increasingly more domestic over the years. It’s charming, in a way - the juxtaposition of where they started and where they are now.

“Right about whit?” Johnny asks.

“She is a pretty little thing.”

“Donnae tell me I need tae be worried about ye sneakin’ off at work.” He jokes. Simon would never, of course, but it’s fun to see the way his cheeks heat up at the implication. Without his mask he wears every expression with reckless abandon.

Simon settles his large frame into the seat across from Johnny at the dining table. It’s small, they don’t need much. The chairs always creak under Simon’s weight in an almost threatening fashion. He pushes a plate with two pieces of the bread and some eggs over to Johnny. There’s an odd tug in his chest when he picks up the slice - an urge to be gentle as he spreads butter over it. Gentility is not a compulsion he feels often.

“S’good.” Simon mutters around his bite.

Johnny nods along after taking one himself. There’s love in it - he can tell. A piece carefully crafted with only absolute perfection in mind. How strange that food can carry such a feeling.

“Was a wee bit worried we’d be stuck across from the nicest, worst baker in the world.” He mutters.

Simon huffs out a half laugh.

~~~

Your first week goes by in a blur. For a small town they sure do manage to keep you busy. It’s good, you remind yourself. Better than none. If you keep it up at this rate you’ll be able to hire help by the end of the summer quarter.

By Monday, the first day of your “weekend”, you’re overdone. Head dizzy and body exhausted, you spend the day in bed. It’s a gratifying exhaustion, one you hope to build more of a tolerance for. As of now, though, you elect to remain deeply buried under the covers.

When you wake for a second time the sun is already near setting again. The entirety of Monday slunk by with you in bed. You grumble to yourself angrily like an old man. You wanted to unpack today - to at least get your clothes and kitchen items put away.

“Stupid.” You grouse. At least you still have time to shower, you suppose.

As you stand the world blacks out for a moment, your body swaying in place. You allow yourself to fall back on the bed, sitting while your vision slowly comes back into focus. Blinking away black dots and off squiggles that dance across your eyes. On attempt number two you manage it, making your way to the bathroom.

The work is worth it. The pain is worth it.

This is what you always wanted, after all.

You are happy. You can feel it in your bones. They’re lighter than they used to be - your whole body thrums with excited energy even as you have to lower yourself with the upmost care into the shower seat. Even as you have to scrape one of the cheap fold out chairs you managed to get over to the stove while you cook a late night dinner. Thank god for low counters.

When you were arranging your schedule it took a while to get it perfected. To compensate for your body you have to have time to rest and be able to do a lot of baking preparation before the work week starts. Monday and Tuesday are for rest. Wednesdays are for prep. The shop is closed but you’re in the back working your ass off mixing and kneading and shaping doughs. As well as practicing new recipes you want to add to the store’s line up eventually. Your goal is to sell American biscuits, preferably in batches of six, but those take a lot of work and don’t keep as long. They’ll have to wait until you have hired help.

It’s all chance and whatever you can manage to make happen. You learned to be okay with that, though.

You’ve got plenty of spoons, you tell yourself. Just need to use them wisely.

When you finally close the fridge, now fully stocked with dough ready to proof and bake, you check the clock. It’s still the early afternoon. You finished sooner than you assumed you might. The thought makes you giddy - makes you feel accomplished.

It makes you feel normal.

As you exit into the warm spring sun you take a moment. Ever since you arrived you haven’t been able to just stop. To just take everything in - let the foreign air fill your lungs and the aura of the town sink into your bones.

It’s a lovely little main street that you’re located on. The building to your left is a large family owned pharmacy (very convenient for you) and to your right is an empty brick building. It looks like a former post office, but from what you know the current post office is a few blocks down beside the grocers. It’s quaint, the lot of it.

Your eyes settle on the shop across from yours housed in a simple brick building painted white. The upstairs is an apartment much like yours, you think, but from what you know it currently remains empty. The sign above the door reads A Cut Above the Rest. You wonder if that was Simon or Johnny’s doing.

Would it be weird to go in? You suppose not, after all they came to yours. It’s only fair you give them some patronage as well. Plus you need to ask how the bread was. Hopefully they liked it - you realized halfway through the night that you didn’t even ask if they like sourdough before shoving it into their hands.

That thought kept you up later than you’d like to admit.

You look both ways down the street. This particular spot doesn’t have a crosswalk but the road is so dead even when the downtown is busy you figure it’s worth risking. The lack of danger doesn’t stop you from fast-walking across, though.

The shop’s old-fashioned door bell chimes prettily as you push it open. For a butcher it smells extremely clean - almost clinical. It’s small, with an L shaped display counter and a register at the end nearest the door. Packages of sausage links and the like hang on displays across the back wall. Beside the wooden saloon doors that lead behind the counter is a little dog bed with a very well crafted name plate reading Riley hanging right above it.

So cute.

“Afternoon.” Simon appears from the back, wiping his hands on a rag. You jump a little, so lost in taking in your surroundings you forgot what you came here for.

“H-hi!” You smile. You forgot how intimidating Simon is. His gaze levels you - pins you underneath him like a fly under a swatter. Maybe that’s a bit dramatic. “I thought I’d come check your shop out and ask how the bread was?”

“It was good.” He replies bluntly. Totally monotone. The corners of his eyes crinkle ever so slightly. You decide that’s it’s a smile - whether that’s the reality of his expression or not.

“It’s really nice in here.” You look around. There isn’t much for decoration. The walls are too covered in menus and diagrams of cuts to leave room for anything extra. There’s a shelf of odds and ends opposite the main counter full of high end mustards and condiments. Little things to go with whatever you could think to make out of the varieties of meat they offer.

“Thanks.” Simon nods. “One moment.”

You watch with curiosity and a slight frown as he makes his way into the back. He almost has to duck under the doorway. Old buildings with low ceilings and all that. The place definitely wasn’t made with a six foot plus behemoth in mind. You continue to look around, rocking back and forth on your heels. They have a perfect score on their inspectors plaque. You might not know Simon well, but he seems the type to be absolutely precise about everything. The score doesn’t surprise you.

Yours is almost perfect - some rules are different here than in the US. Next time, you swear you’ll get it top notch! You look across the street at your shop. You wonder if you made the wrong choice with The Honey Bun. It’s bit much now that you see it from afar but it still makes you smile. That’s what matters, you guess.

Simon comes back out with a small, nicely wrapped package. “You don’t ‘ave any dietary restrictions d’you?”

You shake your head and he pushes the package toward you. Your eyes widen - it’s a great cut of high end beef. Like, really good beef as far as you know. Something you’d never be able to afford even if your business wasn’t brand new. You stare between Simon and the little pack in your hands. “Th-this is so nice but I-“

“It’s only fair.” He cuts you off. “Neighbors, yeah?”

You can’t help the grin that splits your face, eyes misting up despite yourself. Kindness has not been a constant in your life - more of a rarity. Something you had to claw and fight to earn. Being given it so freely but such a taciturn man has you reeling just a bit.

“Thank you… I’ve got to head back but, uh, thank you. Really.” You press the small package to your chest. “Tell Johnny I said hi?”

“Course.” He nods.

“Thanks again!” You grin, giving a little two finger salute before practically skipping all the way back into your dingy little apartment. Happily, you pack away the meat to use later. It’s too nice to just make any dish out of - best to save it for a special occasion. Your first gift in your new life. Best to savor it.

~~~

“Afternoon, bonnie.” Johnny appears in your doorway while you sweep up from the Saturday rush, bell chiming upon his entrance. “Hope I’m not a bother.”

“Not at all.” You smile, resting the broom on the counter. “Hello to you as well, Miss Riley.”

She huffs out a quiet bark in reply, sitting dutifully at Johnny’s feet. You don’t have much experience with service dogs - other than the well known rule not to pet them while they’re working. They were always too expensive for you to get and your condition wasn’t labeled serious enough to warrant financial aid. (Despite the fact that you can, and have, passed out and hit your head on something hard.)

“Can I get you something?” You ask.

“Och, I’m a’right. Just wanted tae stop by an’ say hello before headin’ home.” He gives you that dashing, bright grin. “Simon always kicks me out of the shop at close.”

“He doesn’t need help?” You ask. Surely cleaning up a butchers shop is a huge task. You have your work cut out for you with all the flower - you can’t imagine cleaning that amount of blood and mess.

Johnny shrugs. “The cleaning chemicals trigger my migraines.”

You hum. “Well, you’re always welcome to stop by. Actually,” you turn on your heel, “I’ve got somethin’ I’d like you to try, if you want.”

“Never one to say no to food. Especially from a pretty girl.” Johnny says as he follows. He tells Riley to stay in front and she listens - the perfect little lady that she is. You nearly trip at his comment, keeping your back turned so that he hopefully doesn’t see the heat spreading from your face and down your neck.

“I-it’s, uh, you ever had American biscuits?” You ask, praying he doesn’t notice the shake in your voice. You have to get on your tip toes to reach the small basket you made the day prior - carefully lowering it and pulling back the gingham cloth you wrapped them in.

An image of home.

“Aye, had them once on a layover at some chain diner.” He nods. “Donnae think they were fresh, though.”

“Well these are proper biscuits.” You carefully cut one in half with ease. “Sometime I’ll have to make you some gravy to go with.”

“Yer gonnae make us fat, hen.” Johnny chuckles.

“There are worse things to be.” The words come out more defensive than you would have liked. An automatic mechanism - a harshness you've honed over the years.

You hate how easily you wield it, sometimes.

Johnny leans forward over the table, a furrow in his brow. “I dinnae mean-“

“Here.” You cut him off and hold out the biscuit on a napkin, smothered with butter in the middle.

Johnny lets your interruption go. Probably happy for an out. He takes the fluffy baked good slowly, cupping it in his large hand with care. You wonder if he always does that, touches things with such gentle love. Is it learned? Is it just natural to him? Does he touch Simon like that? Gentle caresses?

What’s that like?

Johnny takes a massive, enthusiastic bite. Somehow his blue eyes manage to sparkle even more, grinning as he chews. “Sh’gew!”

You laugh at his attempt to talk around the food. “Glad you like it.”

He swallows roughly. A full body gulp. “Why’d ye start bakin’ anyway?”

“My grandparents raised me.” You fold the biscuits back up in their little basket. “My grandma taught me how. She was the best in town - won the pie contest almost every year.”

“Tha’s lovely.” The smile he gives you is so genuine it makes your chest constrict.

“Mean old bat but she could beat anyone in the kitchen.” You laugh. “We swore she had some kinda magic. Like a green thumb but for cooking.”

“My mum’s like tha’. Can make anythin’ out of nothin’.” He nods along.

You fall into an easy back and forth - never breaching anything deeper than the most surface level of content as he eats. It’s manageable. Johnny doesn’t push and neither do you.

Riley barks from the front of the shop.

“Och, tha’s my queue.” Johnny brushes off his hands and checks the front of his shirt for crumbs. “Take care, aye?”

You smile. “You too.”

~~~

Johnny’s words keep ringing in your ears. You don’t know why. It’s nothing special. There’s no reason to attach to them. You raise a hand to wipe off the fog and stare in the small mirror hung above your bathroom sink.

Pretty girl.

You scoff. You’re not a pretty girl. You’ve never been a pretty girl. Fat girl. Stupid girl. Sick girl. Tired girl. Sad girl.

That last one you’ve heard more than anything else. Out of all the descriptors of you it stands out as the most used. By everyone from teachers to your own family. Always just a sad, sad girl.

You got it from your mom, they’d say. It’s not like you would ever know.

You rip your eyes away from the mirror and try to let the thoughts melt away as you sink into the comfort of your blankets. Those thoughts live back on the other side of the Atlantic. They don’t get to follow you here.

[paper-mario-wiki]

Do you do farm stuff Scout? Or would you like to? Like owning chickens or tending an outdoor garden, that sort of thing?

From ages 7 to 19 I lived on farms, and was made to be an active participant in maintenance and usages of the facilities I don't know why the fuck I'm typing it like this, but I grew up on a farm. I was kinda in charge of everything, but slacked a lot and my brother had to cover for me. That said, I still spent a LOT of time doing chores.

At one point or another I've been responsible for most every farm chore you can really think of. All the basics like raking leaves, milking goats, collecting eggs, feeding chickens- but also the big stuff like moving tons of hay, herding flocks, caring for large animals such as llamas, alpacas, horses, and cows, as well as delivering babies, gutting and plucking fowl (only chickens and turkeys, though I've also cared for ducks and geese), dehoring, hoof cleaning, corpse transportation, crop maintenance, winter ice removal by breaking up frozen water troughs in 10 below weather (thought this was usually circumvented by anticipating the cold and setting up water heaters beforehand), constructing enclosures, slaughtering pigs, and etc etc etc etc etc all that shit. Bunnies snakes mini horses donkeys. All that shit. Farm stuff. Ya know.

Moved away when I went to college and immediately plunged into a mixed-zoning district in the Fushimi district in Kyoto. This was a really good transition from rural living to city living, because mixed zoning districts have blocks dedicated to apartment complexes and family homes right next to blocks of rice fields and ponds, which was behind the 7-Eleven I bought most of my food from.

Now I live in a SHITTY mixed zoning area in SHITTY America where we never stop hearing cars because there's a massive parking lot nearby and constant police sirens, not because the area is particularly dangerous, but because there's like 2 police stations nearby.

My ideal housing goal, which also happens to be my current goal in life, is to reach a slightly more rural version of the Kyoto living situation. The goals are very distinct:

0. I'm editing this one in after the fact to note that while I've used Kyoto as an example a few times in this post, I'm just looking for an area that feels right and would happily live in any prefecture that fits my needs.

I want to not be tied directly to a visa which would draw me away from doing whatever work I really want to do, like my student visa did later on when school started getting worse as professors were struggling to learn digital classroom mechanics. The visa I'm shooting for is dependent on a few ideas I have for businesses, but that's still kind of a long shot.

I want to be in a position of relative financial freedom so that I can spend enough time genuinely living there instead of just being tied to a computer all day, limiting me to the world I already know. This one's the big one, so I'm still workin on that. That said, recently I've been taking some pretty massive steps towards making this a more tangible circumstance. Fingers crossed.

I want to have a home that I own instead of renting, and I'd like to work with a Japanese architect to actually construct it. Again, these are big big plans, but I think a life goal is a thing worth thinking big about. And it's not like I'm trying to build a mansion, or even a family-sized house, I think I'd be content with three bedrooms, a kitchen, and common room. Of course, in keeping with the "dream big" spirit, in a world where I've got enough money to have a nicer, slightly bigger home, I can imagine as many as 5 bedrooms. It's nice to imagine in this "perfect" outcome that I've got a reason to have enough space for guests to sleep over. A local community, or an otherwise tangible, real-world web of relationships would be nice. Like, Real Adult Socializing Shit.

I want to have a significant emphasis on self-reliance on this home. As far solarpunk as I can reasonably go, without biting off more than I can chew as someone who's kinda limp-wristed. In a gay way and a feeble way. I figure this will come down to solar panels, water filtration, a well, and a garden (or at least the space to have gardening stuff like pots and soil). Some chickens would be nice too, but I don't know that I'd ever take on livestock proper.

I want to be properly submerged in trees without being more than a 5 minute bike ride from a train station. Somwhere like Yase-Hieizanguchi Station in north Kyoto is a good example of station that's on the edge of a metropolitan area and the forest. There was an apartment there I almost got, but backed out when covid hit cuz I decided moving across town would be a whack decision.

This is a BONUS goal, but I think it'd also be nice to not compromise on a single location, and instead have a home out in the inaka, while also having a small apartment rented in the city I can go between whenever I need to. In a world where I can afford a plot of land out in the country, but would still need to travel into town for business, that would be nice. Though in that scenario I'd likely need to also take on the arduous task of getting a Japanese drivers license. If I know far enough in advance that I want to take this specific route then I could bypass that last one by getting an international license before moving to Japan, but after moving to Japan you're barred from getting an international license.

I couldn't tell you in honesty that I'm a Salt of the Earth, Red Blooded American Farmer in my heart, and in fact I could not WAIT to move away from the farm. I hated that I didn't have a say in living on a farm, and was made to take care of animals. But what I DID enjoy about that life was the stillness. The opportunities of perfect silence. The stars unobstructed by light pollution. The ability to explore. Those things I was incredibly grateful for. And as such, in my perfect world, I would like to live on something like a farm again one day, just on my own terms.

[aluhnim]

Hello!! When you start a comic, how do you go about deciding your panelling layouts?? If this is too big of an ask for covid brain, how about your favorite song of the moment / a song that really inspires you?? I hope you feel better soon!

I was searching around for an old write up I did for some Original Character Tournament folks who were interested in my thoughts on panels and layouts. To try and answer your question, I go off of vibe now that I’ve made a LOT of comics. However, as much as it doesn’t seem like it at times, I do typically stay as “conventional” as possible to make sure my readers are still following the plot. I make a lot of adjustments along the way. Smarter layouts allow me to draw less, and drawing less is better for me in the long run! It’ll allow me to put more time in other places of the comic.

Anyway, here’s my write up back in the day that’ll hopefully answer some comic drafting questions!

More conventional paneling is a necessary stepping stone because you know your reader won’t get lost and the structure will have you more focused on flow and pacing. It seems remarkably easy to do comics with more “static” or traditional panel layouts but they work for a reason. There’s no real need to break out of something that works, unless you want to! Breaking out of the structure can really add some OOMPH to your important pages.

Some tips, note that these have been my preferences and some definitions don’t quite match their descriptors.

Bleed

I consider open panels or panels that stretch out beyond the edge of the page to be considered bleeds. They’re simple ways to make you feel like your not just sticking within your margins and making your page feel less static without much extra effort. Manga does this quite often, and Western American comics, especially during action packed moments or large splashes.

Some examples of things bleeds can do:

- They can also be used as transitions between pages (first panel bleeding in, last panel bleeding out).

- They can be used to interrupt or add a beat to a moment. Although the example below is mostly bleeds, you can see the one full panel at the bottom stands out because it’s not like the others. A subtle beat.

- They can also just be used to extend a panel to make it bigger. That seems obvious, but larger panels do make people spend a bit more time on them, regardless if there is text or not. Though, “more time” means probably several milliseconds or even a few seconds more than usual.

- Collaging with a bleed is a really great way to think beyond panels and open the space. You will be spending more time thinking of how much you can cram in along with the flow of how your text is going to lead through a series of images.

- Removing panel borders can really open a space and allow for more room without having to go above and beyond the ideas of comics and panels. (sorry, gale galligan is just good)

Gutters

The space between panels is almost just as important as the panel itself. That’s where readers and inferring actions and time. You can only control so much of what the reader is doing between their eye shifting between panels, which is why composition within panels and clarity are so important.

Gutters can also be played with! A simple example is changing your gutters from white to all black. It can be a subtle shift in time, a transition to a new space.

Even the amount of space between panels leaves an idea of time! I think webtoons/manhwa really work well with the gutter space, leaving you to physically scroll and feel the effects of time passing with the amount of empty space you encounter.

It’s important to understand that the gutter has a lot more to do with reader imagination, and your goal is to have them understand that the next panel is somehow plausible.

THIS SCENE EMFIELDS DID IS VERY FUCKING GOOD. TIME, SPACE, GO OOOOOOFFFF KING

Panels themselves can be a part story!

This one is a difficult thing to write for, since I feel like there isn’t many examples out there. There are very structural examples of panels out there, like Watchman. While the 9 panel grid was intentional, it also was likely the only way to deal with Alan Moore’s script effectively without missing details. The panels themselves don’t ENHANCE the story, but a means to an end.

But it’s also an incredibly good example of how conventional comics paneling can still be effective, especially when you start breaking that mold just a little bit.

But then you have comics like M. Dean’s “Baby fat”. Where the comic paneling itself never strays from its original structure, but is indicative of the story itself, representing tiles, mirrors, patterns.

Or Robert Hunter’s “The New Ghost” which he uses circular motifs and has circular panels representing the telescopes sight line.

Predicting Reader Navigation

These are my rules of thumb when doing general sight reading panel by panel.

1. Text is what people gravitate to first. It’s the context needed to approach the next panel.

2. Faces are next, this provides context to what the subject is feeling.

3. Familiar people/animals/objects and SFX.

4. Everything else!

This is an example of sight reading notes I gave to my friend Holocene when we were collaborating.

[malewifecombat]

I think my least favorite interpretation of Auditors character is when they´re portrayed as full of themselves or braggerish ( in Krinkels words - "The Auditor doesn´t seek idolization") . It makes sense to characterize Phobos this way (even though I have my own issues with how the fandom goes about it) but AUDITOR? They´re here to do one thing and one only - their job. Whatever he might have to flaunt would come naturally, they Are a god and know it. He wouldn´t feel the need to stress it.

At the same time, people underplay just how *emotional* they can be. While goal oriented like 2B, he lets his emotions get the best of him, OFTEN. He merely pretends to be cool and collected, when really, they´re more often than not far from it.

Here´s them getting too caught up in the fight against Jebus and destroying the Improbability Drive because he was being careless. In their next appearance, he seemingly kills a Grunt for no reason - most likely though from frustration from their previous failure. Noticing that this one particular member hadn´t upgraded themselves yet, while waisting away time playing cards, he offs em. The engineers he wordlessly upgrades, and Soldats scares off. He expects excellence when it comes to following orders from the AAHW, after all.

In any case, whenever things go astray for Auditor, its usually because they lost sight of the bigger picture and decided to take things into their own hands or make them personal. I believe Krinkels even called them stupid at one point, which honestly, I cant argue against. An actual god who gets involved in mortals affairs because he believes he can handle things on his own - only for it to always come bite them in the ass afterwards. It doesn´t surprise me that the AAHW seems to often operate without their guidance - lord knows he can be scatterbrained.

But thats what makes him so interesting! I love that he seemingly has a sweet tooth. That hes so stubborn and demanding, yet often causes trouble for themself on their own. How hes uncaring and dismissive of his underlings, despite his job being working for their and Nevadas best interest. That, wheter they like it or not, they´ve directly tied themselves to these lowly mortals. Hes a bundle of contradictions!

[charmedreincarnation]

Your desires already exist and are here. It is done

I know Growing up, we’re all told to “reach for the stars” and “follow our dreams.” We’re encouraged to think that our goals and ambitions are only achievable if we strive for them. But it’s wrong, your desires and dreams are already out there, just waiting for you and I know it can be hard to unlearn what we are taught and conditioned.

The truth is, most of what we desire is already available to us, whether it be inner peace, financial freedom, or any other goal. It doesn’t matter how distant and out of reach they may seem. Whether it’s something physical or something intangible, our deepest wishes already exist in the world.

It’s a misconception that desires have to be manifested from something outside yourself. In truth, your desires already exist inside of you, ready to be activated. You don’t have to wait for something to happen in the world before you can start to live the life you want. The key is tapping into that power inside and learning to trust the journey. Your capacity to create and manifest is already within you. It’s a simple matter of recognizing what you want and allowing it to come to life. Whether it’s a career, relationships, or creative projects our your spiritual endeavors, you are capable of achieving anything when you open yourself up to the possibilities within. Don’t be discouraged if progress doesn’t happen overnight.

So Be gentle with yourself and enjoy the process of pulling the dreams out of your heart that have been waiting for you. There is no rush, and if things don’t happen as quickly as you would like, that’s ok.

Take each day as it comes. Let go of any expectations and allow what needs to happen to unfold in its own time. Don’t worry about what other people are doing or what tips and tricks they may be doing to manifest their desires. Trust that your own path is uniquely designed for you and have faith that what needs to happen will show up when it needs to.

Remember that your desires are already here. They are ready to be revealed, created, and experienced. Affirm that in your heart and trust that they will come to fruition when the timing is right and you are ready.

Maybe the key to achieving our dreams isn’t to strive for them, but to train our minds to recognize them in the first place. To learn that even when our dreams elude us, they’re still right in front us – just in different forms.

It’s important to remain hopeful and continue our journey towards our goals. But it’s also important to open our minds and be aware of the possibilities that can often go unnoticed. Learning to be open to new paths, ideas, and opportunities can make the process of pursuing our dreams much smoother.

We should focus not just on what it will take to get us to where we want to be, but on how the world is already helping us get there. On how life is providing us with the necessary tools and resources – even if we don’t recognize them right away. Our desires already exist somewhere in this world, we just have to learn how to tap into them. So the next time you feel your goals slipping away, remember this: your dreams have already been created. They’re just waiting for you. All you have to do is be open to the possibilities that exist and let yourself dream a little bigger.

Now Here are some awesome quotes from some of my favorite figure heads to maybe make your day 🥰🥰

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” -Albert Einstein:

“What we think about, we bring about.” -Dr. Wayne Dyer

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it.”-Deepak Chopra

Just remember everything and everyone is on your side and it’s inevitable to not get your desires. Let go of excluding any potential outcomes, or judgement of yourself or others, and accept that each moment is leading you somewhere. Stay focused on the positive, trusting that what is meant for you will never pass you by, and that when you truly believe, you will have it. As Dr. Wayne Dyer also said, “You'll see it when you believe it.”

[whirlwindimagines]

Hello! You're seriously one of the best writers for Trigun I've read! I'm super excited for future works!!! Would you be willing to write some angst? How about something like Knives continously pushing the reader away until the reader does truly disappear. You can decide how they disappear! But something introspective with Knives would be nice!

Anything for my number one fan 💙❄️💙❄️💙 CLOWN 🤡 I can’t believe you want to be down bad for Knives!!!!! Ignoring the fact I am too 🤡 I also can’t believe you read all my works get outta here 😭😭😭 song title is from Labour 😘 Also enjoy, I wasn’t sure where to go with this so open-ended it is! 

‘If our love died, would that be the worst thing?’

Millions Knives x Reader

You need to be the bigger person and let it go, you think to yourself as you know you're not going to let it go. Fighting with Knives wasn’t anything new, honestly, it’s been increasing lately. It’s more oh how the arguments went, he was dismissive at best and a childish asshole at worst and you were sick of it.

Not being able to sleep was also making these worse, you don’t even remember the last time you for a full night's rest. Knives coming in at any and all odd hours to wake up to work to continue with his plans. You knew it was important to him, it should be important to you too, but not at 3 am. You wish you go back to the early days when you were blinded by your love and commitment to knives.

You might have been a naive fool back then, but you were happy at least. And now you were starting to have doubts the closer and closer Knives got to his goals you were wavering and you don’t know what to do if Knives figured you out.

Being afraid of Knives was new to, fuck you didn’t know what to do. You were torn, because as fucked up as it all was you still loved him. How pathetic, your door opens with a slam and it startles you more than it should. Sitting up your eyes meet Knives pale blue ones, his eyes always seemed to glow in the dark.

“Come here.” His tone doesn’t leave room for arguments, but you feel like pushing it, him this thing you have. “I need to sleep, just because you don’t doesn’t mean I’ll magically be capable without it” you lay back down with a huff, heart racing as his footsteps approaches the side of the bed. 

He reaches for you grabbing you by the wrist and pulling you up, and it brings you to tears at how gentle his grip is even though his eyes are furious. “I wasn’t asking, I am not impressed by your latest tantrums.” 

You scoff you try to pull your arm back, but he tightens his grip, it’s not painful but you don’t know what will happen if you keep pushing. You know Knives was prone to violence, but he has never struck you. He probably wanted to, but Knives was complicated some days he couldn’t stand touching you the human you. And then some days he couldn’t leave you alone demanding your attention.

“My tantrums?” You hiss, you step into his face getting chest to chest with him, “if anyone been throwing a tantrum lately it’s you, I don’t want to fight with you Knives I’m tired. Why don’t you stay?” The more you talk the more the fight drains out of you. 

He drops your wrist, “if you won’t be of use then I have no reason for you.” He says it coldly and it hurts more than it should, “fine.” You reply, stepping back and sitting on the bed. “Goodnight, Knives.” He doesn’t reply as he turns and leaves, leaving you to yourself. 

Getting back under the covers, you force yourself not to cry. You’d deal with this in the morning, forcing yourself to sleep.

Morning comes quickly, you lay there for a while pondering what you should do next. You have no desire in talking to Knives, so you figure you’ll just work the day away. Knives will find you when he wants you, frowning at the thought. What were you a loyal dog waiting for their master's return?  

With that thought you force yourself from the bed and out of the room, leaving your mind perfectly blank as you continue throughout the day. Every once in a while, the memory of last night will play in your mind but you push it aside. You don’t see knives today, or the next, or even the next. 

He must be ignoring you, hating to admit you missed him. Fine if he didn’t want to talk to you, then you would seek him out instead. Marching through the halls with a purpose, you know exactly where he’ll be, already hearing the keys of a piano. He is still playing when you enter the large room, moving forward to stand beside him. 

Waiting for him to finish you speak, “I’ve always loved listening to you play, it’s been a while huh?” He doesn’t reply, and you frown reaching out a hand towards him you call out his name, and he turns quickly gripping your wrist.

“Why are you here.” So that’s how he wants to be, you sigh, “I just wanted to check up on you, we haven’t spoken– “ 

His grip tightens, and your breath hitches as he does his grip near painful, he stands narrowing his eyes at you, “whatever pathetic human emotions you are trying to convey don’t. You have become nothing but an obstacle to my endeavors.” 

You can only stare wide eyes, there is something different this time about the way he speaks to you, and your blood runs hot with anger. So, after everything, this is what Knives has come to? “Seriously? An obstacle? Is that all I am to you? After everything! All I’ve done for you it just means nothing.” 

Knives shoves you back harshly, and you stumble falling back and catching yourself on your elbows, he looks down at you as he speaks, “You are nothing to me, a means to an end.” You hate that the tears come, you hate that he’s breaking your heart and he doesn’t even care. Quickly getting to your feet the argument catches in your throat.

Fine 

You were done, this was the breaking point you needed out if that meant by his hand or yours. They would never let you escape, no not with you knew you needed to be clever, the weak and pathetic human Knives thought you were. Those who deserted the cause were met with death, you knew that yet you were not afraid.

“I’m sorry that you feel that way, I won’t bother you again.” You can’t meet his gaze; Knives doesn’t say anything just scoffs turning his back to you. As if on autopilot you reach out a hand to him, but bring it back grasping your shirt over your heart instead. 

You leave and do not look back. 

Time is not something that Knives bothers keeping track of, day and night does not matter to him. And yet he knows the passing of time has been slow without you by his side. You’ll come crawling back, it was in your human nature to not leave well enough alone.

Knives presses the keys of the piano, not playing a tune but little melodies. His mind keeps drifting to you, he knew you liked to watch him play, in a moment of weakness he had asked if you wanted to to learn how to play.

And he hates the way your eyes lit up at his words, he hated more how you made him feel in that moment, but what he hated the most is the feeling of missing you. You who was just a human, nothing but a spark in his life that would sizzle out to nothing, and he would continue on as if nothing happened. 

Slamming his hands on the piano keys he stands; he turns heading towards your room. He doesn’t need you, he doesn’t. Knives just wants to… well he doesn’t know what he wants and that frustrates him to no end. 

Opening the door with our knocking, his pale eyes dart around the room you’re not here. Walking toward the bed he placed a hand on the sheets, they are cold you haven’t been here for a while. How strange considering your constant complaints about needing sleep. 

He leaves to continue his search but isn’t able to find a trace of you. He’s not concerned, he isn’t. But he’s searched the whole damn place and nothing like you’ve ever even existed. And for some reason that scares him, more than he wants to admit. 

Then he hears the rumors, you fled in the night and didn’t look back. How you probably didn’t get far, no deserter does. The first emotion was anger, at you for leaving, for betraying him. It was the emotion he held on to the longest, then he needed to act. You haven’t been found yet, and when you were he didn’t want you killed. No, he needed you back here so he could deal with you himself.

That’s what he kept telling himself at least, the more nothing came of the search the more desperate he felt for you, now you really have turned into a distraction. He can’t afford to spend his time looking for you, he knows he has more important things to be doing. 

Knives forces himself to focus on his goals, pushing you to the back of his mind and this works for a while. But when he’s alone, or can’t seem to concentrate his mind always drifts to you and he hates you for it because after everything deep down he knows he feels something for you. 

This is bad and he knows it, he has to let it go so he will for now.

a/n: @hermitagecats Love you! <3

[wtftarot]

Pac Reading: The Star

The Star is another one of my favorites. Shining right after the Tower, this card brings messages of hope, healing, and inspiration. What messages do you need from the Star? Let's fuck around and find out.

As always this reading is meant for entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice in any way. Remember to use common sense and don't be a dumbass.

Pick the Star, the Water, or the lil Bird and head to your reading.

The Star

The first card I pulled for y'all was The Star, so I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that y'all are seeing a shit ton of signs and syncs. That or y'all are missing a lot of signs and syncs and keep asking for more. I mean, y'all came to a reading on The Star card, picked the Star group AND the first card that came out was THE STAR. If y'all are looking for signs you got em. If you're not someone who sees signs/syncs then you're probably needing a LOT of reassurance about something. Sweetheart, it's like you get a sign/ receive reassurance, think: awesome, great, got it! Then immediately start looking again, and if you find nothing, you're disappointed and start to doubt EVERYTHING. Listen, wanting some reassurance isn't a bad thing, but you're not looking at the root of why you need constant reassurance and the why is a big steaming shit pile of doubt. Not to be harsh but y'all doubt yourself like most people breathe air. Y'all want to be confident, and you have a lot of awesome qualities. But you keep thinking "I'll be confident when..." and you look at every 'flaw' you have that you think needs fixing. You only ever focus on the competition, on everything you're not. Let me tell you something, babe. Someone else being good or even better at something you do, does not somehow make you bad at it. It doesn't. That's just not how it works. There is not a limited amount of talent in the world. Deep down you know that, just like deep down you know you have potential, otherwise you wouldn't have started would you? The message for y'all today is simple (and I'm hearing may annoy some of y'all, sorry) : celebrate your accomplishments. Yeah, we hear it all the time but it's fucking important. You need to let yourself be proud of yourself! Fuck humility! YOU GOT THIS FAR! YOU DID THAT! LOOK AT HOW GOOD YOU ARE AT THIS! I know y'all feel like your accomplishments may be small, for some of you getting out of bed may be an accomplishment (hell yeah it fucking is, I'm proud of you, babe) Celebrating them isn't always about the size of the accomplishment, sometimes it's that you did something that was hard for you. Besides if you don't celebrate the 'little' wins, what makes you think you'll celebrate the 'big' ones? Oh, because they're the big ones, huh? Mmk, sooo you don't think that this habit you have of downplaying your accomplishments will just keep going? That it will just magically disappear when you reach the next goal? And you won't just set the bar even higher for yourself?? You don't think that will happen? Even though..... it already has? Okay, then. I hate to end the reading on that really snarky note, but that's it. That's the end. I think it came out that way cause your guides are sick of you shitting on yourself

There's a secondary message here for those of you who see a lot of signs/syncs and I mean A FUCK TON. You're missing the huge ass messages cause you're so damn focused on the little, more tangible signs I'm hearing. It's like y'all are looking for little outside signs, like maybe an animal or angel numbers or something. You're looking and looking for those lil confirmations and yet missing the bigger picture that is you, babe. You are the biggest sign. Your intuition. That has more meaning, more clarity and is more easily understood than any outside symbol.

random ass messages: 4242, birds, punk music, constellations, teeth? ladybugs.

The Water

Y'all are talking yourself out of things that make you happy and that's just unacceptable. There's something y'all wanna do but you're talking yourself out of it because what will people think or it's impractical or it's 'weird'. (Now, if it's not safe to express yourself authentically wherever you're at, I don't think this reading is for you. This reading is for those who are really critical of themselves and it's holding them back. Stay safe above all else. If you can find a safe space to express yourself do that. ) I feel like I need to tell y'all that you can go after something even if the only purpose is to make you happy. Like, it doesn't have to make money or be productive. You can just do things because you enjoy them. Hell, you don't even have to be GOOD at them. You can even do things that serve no other purpose than your own ease and comfort. HAPPINESS, EASE, AND COMFORT ARE WORTH PURSUING IN THEIR OWN RIGHT. Some of y'all feel like you have to reach a certain level of discomfort to "earn" doing something about it. HONEY NO. Just no. ANY tiny bit of discomfort is enough to want to fix it. Happiness and comfort are not something you can earn. You are human. You are alive. SO YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND COMFORTABLE IT'S THAT FUCKING SIMPLE. You are so damn hard on yourself for absofuckinlutly no reason. What good does judging yourself this hard even do? It's only stopping YOU from being happy. Being incredibly critical of yourself doesn't do a damn thing for the people around you, and it ain't even gonna stop assholes from trying to tear you down. It just makes life harder and less enjoyable for you. Sweetheart, I've been there and let me tell you life is so much more fun when you let yourself go after what makes you happy. I mean duh going after fun shit means you do more fun shit so yeah life is more fun. But nine times outta ten no one else gives a shit if you do the thing. Seriously, barring true assholes no one is going to care. And you don't even have to let anyone know about it if you don't want to.

random ass vibes: Florida, raccoons, 88, white flowers, art.

The lil Bird

Ngl y'all, this reading was a tough one. I think y'all may have mixed feelings or simply do not want to hear this. One word: Emotions. I know, but it's a good message. Y'all are going to be able to stop hiding them and are going to be able to express yourselves in an authentic way. Maybe the reason this was such a tough thing to read is that some of y'all are hiding them super fucking well? Maybe y'all feel/were taught by a shitty society that emotions are weak or maybe you just felt like you couldn't fully express yourself in the environment that you're in. Whatever the reason it's coming to an end and it's going to feel so damn good for y'all! The way it came through, y'all maybe don't realize how much you were hiding who you are as a person when you hid how you were feeling. Now, don't worry this doesn't mean you'll be crying 24/ fucking 7, some of you may cry more, and some of you will actually cry less. When you allow yourself to feel and express in the moment it won't build up and you'll actually feel more solid and grounded in yourself because you're not always fighting yourself. This also doesn't even mean you'll be talking about emotions a lot more, could be that you're expressing yourself in a creative way or singing along to a song that you feel connected to alone in the shower. It simply means allowing yourself to feel and honor your emotions in an authentic way. It's like y'all have been going through life hiding every genuine emotion, every genuine impulse you have, and honey that's no way to live. It's no fucking wonder you feel like you don't know who you are or you feel disconnected from yourself! You haven't let yourself connect to yourself. In fact, you've been fighting yourself, I'm hearing for years. If you're in a situation where it is unsafe to express yourself, there is a message here that soon you will be finding a space where you can safely express yourself. The last card in you're reading was the World. It talks about harmony in all things, the end of something to begin anew. That is where y'all are headed, harmony in yourself.

random ass vibes: midnight mass, tom and jerry, tigers, sunglasses

[thesweetnessofspring]

Katniss Wants Kisses: Part Three

Katniss is fed up with getting no physical affection from Peeta during their training for the Quarter Quell, so she takes matters into her own hands. Read part one here. Read part two here. Or read the whole thing on ao3. Rated T.

The next day is Saturday, our rest day, and I don’t see Peeta. It’s not unusual, but he often stops in to make sure I’m eating all of my calories for the day. When I think of the massage and how he jumped up to leave, I burn with embarrassment, something I’d never felt at Peeta’s reaction to anything I’ve done before. And then I get angry, because I know he liked it, from the sounds he made and the fact that if he didn’t love me, he wouldn’t be trying to save me from the Quarter Quell. 

Well, fine. If he’s going to act like I have the pox, then I can return his distance just as much as he can. More, even.

I start and run the four miles without him on Sunday, briefly passing him as I return to Victor’s Village. We ignore one another as we move through our exercises, with Peeta extra hard on Haymitch today until our mentor threatens, “Do you want to get killed before you’re in the arena?”

Then over lunch with the three of us all sullen, Peeta says, “We need to hurry up. Gale’s going to be here in ten minutes.”

“Gale?” I ask, raising my eyebrows.

“He’s showing us how to make snares and traps.”

Haymitch sighs. “Great. Just what we need. Another bossy teenager.”

I wolf down the rest of my food, chewing so hard my teeth hurt. Gale? Gale? Why would Peeta do this? My body flushes as the massage pops into my head again and I hate Peeta. I hate him for what a jackass he’s been since the Quarter Quell announcement. I hate him for ignoring me and I hate him for bringing Gale into this training that should just be me, him, and Haymitch. I could show them what we need to know just fine when it came to snares. Gale might be the better trapper, but I can hold my own.

When Gale comes over, he lays out his wire and rope on the kitchen table, Haymitch and Peeta on either side of him, taking in the instruction basics, while I slouch on the opposite end, glaring at both boys. I know everything Gale’s showing them anyway. At the end of the afternoon, with Haymitch and Peeta having a few of the basics under their belt, my mother comes in and asks who would be staying for dinner.

“This food is the one thing I don’t hate about this training,” Haymitch says. “Count me in.”

“I can stay as well,” Gale says, though he’s looking at me. “Thank you, ma’am.”

Gale had always refused anything we offered him, unless we’d gotten it from the woods. Things have gotten worse in District 12, but I know Haymitch is paying Hazelle well for keeping his house. I flex my jaw, not liking where this is going.

“I’m having dinner with my family tonight,” Peeta says. “But thank you for the offer, Mrs. Everdeen.”

It could have been happenstance, but the timing of everything feels too off. Peeta hadn’t mentioned Gale coming until today and now Peeta had to leave while Gale was staying? He hadn’t even talked to me about it.

“I’ll see you out,” I say, the first words I’ve spoken since Gale arrived.

Peeta’s gaze shifts uncomfortably from me to others in the room, as if hoping someone else would join us or stop me. But no one does and I walk with him to the front of the house.

“You should teach us wrestling,” I say. I’m not letting Peeta win this. As much as we were working together, we also had opposite goals to get the other one home. For some reason, this feels inextricably linked to making sure Peeta returns to Twelve at the end of the Quell.

“Okay,” he says. “I’ll call Madge and see if she can–”

“We don’t need Madge,” I say.

“You need a partner.”

“You’ll be my partner.”

Peeta throws me an incredulous look. “I’m so much bigger than you.”

“Like everyone else in the arena will be I’m sure. I need the practice.”

I can see the conflict Peeta is figuring out in his head as we stop by the front door with the stained glass panels. I am right that I’ll be one of the smallest competitors in the arena, and most of the Careers have kept up their own fitness by teaching at their academies. It’s my weakest area and I have to have a plan in case it comes to hand-to-hand combat. But it also means being close to me physically. We’d all heard the jokes about the wrestling team before, no matter how reclusive.

“We can start going over basics tomorrow,” he agrees in a rough voice. 

And I’m so deliciously gleeful over this win, I throw my arms around him in a hug. He rocks back for a second and I cling to him tighter, my forehead pressing against his neck and closing my eyes so I can bring him all in. The width of him as my hands just barely overlap against his strong back, the way his Adam’s apple travels up and down my forehead as he swallows, the way he can be both firm and soft underneath me, the perfect balance. Peeta lets his arms come around me once and gives one gentle squeeze before his hands at my waist pull me away from him.

I’m not going to act desperate, so I step back and try to put on that cocky expression again, but there’s a slip of pain in Peeta’s face before he smoothes it over again, making me falter as well.

“See you tomorrow, Katniss,” he says. “Enjoy your dinner.”

[chrisevansonly]

Just To See You Smile (harry’s angel au)

pairing: harry styles x female reader (angel)

summary: harry’s only been gone a few hours and it’s proving to take a bigger toll on you than you thought

warnings: slight angst, some tears, harry being the fluffiest and sweetest<3

a/n: my life is literally so frustrating right now; i feel lost, alone and lately trying to throw myself into writing because it feels like the only thing i’m good at: even tho most of the time i h8 my writing lol this was written in my phone and not edited yet<3

The soft fabric of the cashmere duvet was your biggest comfort as you lay in bed, unmoving from the spot you usually shared with Harry. He’d left a few hours ago to continue his tour in Belgium and yes I suppose you could call yourself dramatic, but being as pregnant as you were, the sudden disruption to your routine was throwing you off kilter more than it usually would. Despite your pleas and begging, your doctor and midwives told you travelling for the next week and a bit was not recommended, they’d noticed some concerns at your last scan which had instilled panic between both you and Harry at the time.

It hadn’t been an easy pregnancy once you’d hit 5 months along, and now you were even more on edge and anxious, your brain spinning through every possibility and every scenario that could happen to you or your daughter. In a way having Harry with you and touring with him had grounded you and allowed you time to escape the nagging your brain had been doing to you. Of course Gemma and Anne were set to arrive in a few hours to spend the next week and a bit with you, that would help, but nothing could fill that spot Harry did when he was gone.

Your eyes were tired and bloodshot, nose stuffed from the tears you’d been shedding on and off all morning, baby bee not making life any easier with her sharp kicks and rolling around she was doing. It wasn’t until your phone went off that your eyes moved from the laundry basket in the corner of the room to the screen that lit up; a photo of you and Harry at your still secret maternity shoot your newest background. Swiping to answer the facetime call, your heart clenched seeing Harry’s face, a sad smile on his face when he saw you

“My angel…”

“H-Hi”

He frowned, tears slowly lining your eyes yet again, almost in an annoying way at this point

“I’m sorry this is so hard on you baby, breaks my heart to see you so sad…how are you feeling? She not causing you too much trouble I hope?”

“I just m-miss you…don’t like being a-away from you, even if it’s only b-been a few hours…”

Sniffling you paused to wipe your eyes

“Still not feeling very well, she’s been kicking and moving a lot, i’m too tired to move though…s’like she’s sucking the energy right out of me”

It wasn’t as if you were trying to make Harry feel guilty for needing to work but you knew he’d find out how you were really feeling eventually if you lied to him, so there was no point in beating around the bush

“I wish I could snap m’fingers and make you feel better, I know this is getting harder on you, fucking sucks I can’t still be home with you right now..”

“I know…but you’re working hard and so many people are so excited to see you, guess i’m just used to touring with you that I don’t k-know what to do when I’m not”

He nodded, listening to everything you had to say, little noises of agreements or soft praises escaping every so often, anything to try and see his angel smile, that was the goal of any facetime call the two of you shared

“Mum and Gem are coming over soon right? What are you ladies gonna get up too?”

Shrugging you thought about it

“I think we’re gonna plan the nursery together, look at furniture and paint colours and work on some wedding things which I think will be a good distraction”

“That sounds fun baby, I know whatever you come up with will be amazing, you’ve got a good eye for that stuff”

“Not as good as you”

“I beg to differ”

A small smile pulled at the edge of your lips, Harry’s eyes lighting up at the sight of that

“There’s my favourite smile, love seeing you smile darling, my favourite thing in the world”

“Hard when you’re not here sometimes”

He nodded

“I know but even if i’m a country or a timezone away I’ll always make sure to see that smile, even if I have to dance around ridiculously, making you happen is my goal you know that”

Allowing another smile to appear on your face, this time bigger than the last, was enough to have Harry cheering, loudly at that

“You’re so silly…s’just a smile H”

“Yes, but it’s my favourite smile…besides I was hoping to take you on a tour around Belgium with me…maybe that will keep that pretty smile on that beautiful face of yours”

“It might…”

Harry laughed shaking his head while he brought you with him as he changed, showing you the hotel room and the view from the balcony, your eyes catching the bright colours of the city below him. He kept notice of your mood shifting, your eyes brightening the more he showed you, honestly when Jeff asked why he wanted to wait to rehearse until later, he should have known it would have something to do with you.

“Want to go see the city a bit? I’ll show you some of the cute little tea and coffee shops we spotted earlier?”

“Yes please H…love you so much you know that?”

He nodded, bringing the phone to his lips so he could press a kiss to the camera, albeit very dramatically which earned a laugh from you

“I love you more m’angel, i’d do anything for you, always”

You may not have been able to attend the next few love on tour shows, but that wouldn’t stop Harry from calling tou in every city he visited until you’d be reunited, just so he could show you the sights, the sounds and make you feel like you were with him every step of the way, even if you were stuck in London, counting down the days until you’d be back together. One day at a time, he’d tell you, and you couldn’t wait until that day you were able to rejoin him and experience the world with your own eyes again…

[sbk-zgvlt]

I just realized that in your Lion's Vassal au, it's possible if Leona did not tell Sebek about his sabotage of Malleus. So when Sebek and the gang go to confront him, I feel like Leona's overblot would be faster because the ONE person who's been with him and genuinely SUPPORT him feels betrayed and disappointed-

Leona was feeling so much in a short span of time. Especially if (in your previous post), Sebek received a scar not from protecting Leona but from LEONA himself. Since Leona made it a point to chase away the previous guards cruelly. So extra angst woooo

Ok but also consider the fact that the other Savannaclaw students never told Sebek because Leona didn't want him to know and he even POINTEDLY threatened Jack to not tell Sebek when he was eavesdropping.

I think it's because Leona wanted to make Sebek proud with Leona's "win" because all the way back home, Leona always comes second.

In the au, Leona actually doesnt overblot since Sebek constantly reassures him of his worth and place inside and outside the royal family, as well as help somewhat mend Leona's relationship with them

If he did overblot though, seeing Sebek in the frontlines AGAINST him would definitely speed up his overblot, no Lilia Vanrouge needed 💀

The scar is from protecting Leona, but Lrona giving him the scar himself so he could leave him alone is an interesting concept! I think he'd be surprised and feel oddly guilty to find Sebek back the next day, scar on his face

HE WOULD DEFINITELY NOT TELL SEBEK 😭 He knows how Sebek is. He values hardwork and he would never stoop so low to hurt others just to get a bigger chance at achieving a goal. But Leona has to. He needs to show his family and Sebek that he can be better than #2, even if they love him regardless

[dracowars]

hi~ I've been binging all your draco imagines all morning and I looovee the way you write so much

and I was wondering if u Can you do an imagine where the reader is (8 months) pregnant and they go out to the park together and then, draco helps her with little stuff like tying her shoelace, blah blah etc (only if you're still taking requests)

thanks so much~!

founding of a family³ | draco malfoy

pairing: draco x reader

word count: 0,7k

summary: where draco takes particular care of y/n while strolling through a park

a/n: you don't necessarily need to read the other parts of this!

warnings: pregnancy

universe: harry potter

“Careful, very gently”, Draco murmurs under his breath, more to himself than to you, as he gives you two helping hands to help you get off the bus that has just stopped at your desired destination. Knowing that all the passengers are looking at you at this moment and you can even hear one of the older ladies whispering something, you lower your head in embarrassment and let Draco help you out of the vehicle. The fresh, cool air that blows in your face outside immediately makes you breathe in deeply.

It rarely happens that you manage to go on a trip together these days, even leaving the house for more than a few hours has turned to a nuisance for you. Usually, you are both just stressed out by your jobs that there is no time to do anything else than lying down on the sofa after the day. But this weekend you finally had to get out and enjoy the beauty of London.

Some tourists who got off with you head towards the Buckingham Palace right away, which is not far away from where you are right now. Draco and you have a different goal though, but you follow them anyway.

“The older lady on the bus complimented you”, you mention as Draco takes your hand in his and starts to follow the excited tourists. At your words, he looks at you in surprise. “For helping me. Even if it was absolutely not necessary. I am pregnant, not sick.”

“It was indeed necessary! What if you tripped and fell?”

“Okay, maybe my stomach has gotten a lot bigger, but I can still put one foot in front of the other on my own, thank you very much”, you roll your eyes at him playfully, knowing that he only wants the best for you. For you and the baby.

“I have to protect you and the expensive goods you are carrying”, Draco smiles honestly and briefly places a hand on top of your stomach, the touch being warmly greeted with a light kick from the inside. “He or she can’t wait to meet us.”

“And neither can we”, you reply happily, placing your hand on his, which is now resting on your belly, before you lock your fingers together, giving him a gentle kiss, and you make your way towards Hyde Park.

Once there, it suddenly does not feel like you are in the middle of London anymore. The park exudes an incredible tranquility that has a very calming effect on your body. Occasionally squirrels cross the path in front of you, stopping for a moment to sniff before disappearing into the next tree.

“This is exactly what I needed”, you take in a deep breath, a grin on your face that cannot be taken away.

“Are you sure you can go further? Let us take a break instead”, Draco starts worrying again, and before you can even answer, he is already pulling you toward a bench. In fact, after just a few minutes of walking, you do feel a bit weak and exhausted, the extra weight sapping your strength enormously. Of course, Draco noticed this right away, which is why he would not accept any back talk anyway.

But that is exactly why you love him so much.

Your eyes fixed on the lake, you silently sit next to each other, his hand gently stroking your stomach, while something keeps moving inside of it.

“If you had told me a year ago that we were going to be sitting here, expecting our first child, I would not have believed you”, Draco finally says, his eyes meeting yours, which reflect so much love and affection. His words make you giggle. None of you would have believed it and yet here you are and could not be happier.

After you get up to start your walk back, Draco immediately grabs your hand again and wraps it around his arm so he can always make sure you are alright. But before you can take the first step, he stops you abruptly.

“Wait, your shoelace is untied! Hey- Let me do that!”, he scolds you just as you are about to bend down to solve the problem. Draco quickly sits you down onto the bench again and kneels down in front of you, touching the dirty ground, and relaces your shoes so you are safe again. When he gets up, he brushes the dirt from his legs and greets you with a bright grin.

“What would I do without my hero?”

[1galaxia369]

AQUARIUS RISING ♒️

Okay guys, I see a lot good energy radiating from you. You've finally let go and you finally realized that the treasure is within. Alot of you are out here chasing crazy (but attainable) dreams. I love that for you, there's been so much pressure on you to be normal and do the right thing but there's no such thing. When you you force yourself into that box you become unhappy and restless. The stagnacy creeps in after and then the financial issues. You have to constantly stimulate yourself, you are a creator, you create. You are not meant to get up and do the samething everyday over and over. It's the reason you feel so depressed and confused, you don't have a creative outlet or anything fun to look forward to. Honoring your inner child is important to you, all work and no play will make you a sad and depressed mess of a human being. I understand Saturn being your ruler but so is Uranus, there needs to be a balance between practicality + hard work and Creativity + eccentricity ( like come on you never been able to fit into society...standing out is your thing). You use to be so creative and fun, what happened? You let societal expectations stop you again. You were never meant to be Kris that wears a gray suit everyday and works in corporate, you're the rich eccentric artist that spends their day doing crazy spontaneous things who dresses like they belong in a movie. I'm just trying to tell you that your success and happiness comes from the same thing you try to lock away--your individuality!

You are really out here mad at yourself for not being able to do what everyone else is doing even though it makes you unhappy. That makes no sense, why do you have to change your self to fit in? why can’t everyone try to be themselves? Society is set up to keep everyone living the same story. You are here to create your own! Nothing you do will ever be normal, the way you are will never be normal and it's time to embrace that kid. Once you finally make this decision to honor yourself then you can finally see some movement in your life. The universe will be blessing you never endingly, people will be coming to you to bring you support and harmony. These new connections will be people who love you for you and will encourage you to embrace your individuality. You might have went through most of your life without any support or someone to clap you when you achieve something but this support is coming through for you. You deserve this praise and support you're a star and remember that. There's going to be success in whatever you are working on at this moment, this project or goal has been something you have been working on for a while now, results will start to finally show up and there will be a positive outcome. Of course it's successful, you worked hard on this and you agonized over it but most importantly, you stuck with it and disciplined yourself. Congratulations!

Take the next step. It's time to go full in, get your pen and paper and start planning your next steps. I promise you, success is waiting for you to take the leap. Some of you are honing your skills for perfection and professional use. Some of you are in school, or planning to go back to school for a new skillset, some of you are practicing new techniques, self teaching new skills, enjoying your talents, whatever it is pursue it. It will be beneficial to you at this time, use it to further your self or invest into what you really want to do. Remember that you're here to do great things. You are bigger than what society has to offer hell, you're bigger than what this world has to offer. Some of you are a about become mentors & guides, oracles, astrologers, spiritualists, healers, practitioners, open up spiritual businesses or open a place of healing. You guys are here to guide and heal, people want to break away from this unhealthy society and you are here to help them. You are here to show them another way of life is possible. All of this can be triggered by you making the first step, out of society and chasing your true desires and dreams.

I recommend working with crystals, you have a lot of major things happening you need some support (rose quartz,pyrite, citrine,garnet, carnelian, obsidian,rainbow flourite, clear quartz,selenite). Smudge if you can and clear out any energy that makes you feel low. (palo santo, cinnamon stick,frankincense, incense). Go out in nature you need to interact with the natural energies that mother nature has to offer

1:11 1:23

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.68 Get over it

Mama had a few things to do before visiting us, so I didn't know what time to expect her; just sometime that afternoon before Sophia got home. I worked out and did everything I needed to do in the morning to ensure I'd be home whenever she arrived. She greeted me with a big hug and a kiss, gushing about the house.

"This is such a cute little house! It reminds me of my first place in Brindleton Bay. I think this is a little bigger, though. How do you like it?"

"It'll do for now."

"Yeah, I bet," she said, staring at my little monsters. "They definitely need more room. That's how I ended up in Willow Creek. The things we do for our fur babies, right?"

I loved my little guys, but I don't know if I'd buy a bigger house specifically for them. I mean, true, they factored into our thoughts about moving, but we had bigger plans to accommodate. But I wasn't a dog lover like her, so there were plenty of things she did that I'd never do.

"Moving has come up, but we haven't discussed it seriously."

She watched them try to tackle each other and chase their own tails, mesmerized by doggy energy.

"They're so rambunctious! I love it! Luca, you're a daddy!"

I expected her to be excited, but it tickled me to think about how she'd be when I had actual children. She did everything for me and Less, so I knew she'd move Mt. Komorebi for my children. They have come up indirectly a lot lately, and now and then I thought about them, especially because I had to factor them into most everything I did. Originally, having children was this far off goal I figured I'd accomplish one day. But the goal got closer and closer by the day, and instead of fearing my lack of preparation and stressing myself out about it, I found the idea more and more appealing and welcomed it.

"LUCA, LOOK!"

Rosie began running in circles, and familiar twinkling orbs danced around her. I went outside to find Kooper, and he was doing the same thing.

"They're aging up already?" I asked in disbelief.

Even though they were loud and got into everything, I enjoyed them so much as puppies, and I thought we'd have more time for shenanigans. But I was glad for their adult phase. We could do so many more things together like go jogging. I knew Rosie would appreciate that. She was the more rambunctious one and ran around the house and yard all day like she was vying for a prize. Kooper was much more low key.

"Happy birthday, little dude!"

I went back inside and scooped up Rosie.

"Don't tell Kooper, but you're my favorite."

"Ahhh, so she's the one," Mama said. "Shiloh was always my best girl, but I had an extra special place in my heart for Hunter."

"I feel like I shouldn't have a favorite, though," I said.

"Yeah, it seems that way, but it's inevitable. We always gravitate to one thing when we have options. It's natural and happens with everything...favorite shoes, favorite pen, favorite chair..."

"Favorite child?"

Her eyes flicked open, and jaw dropped in surprise. Catching her off guard was really hard, and I felt immense pride in my accomplishment. She pretended to watch the dogs to avoid answering me, and I snickered at her. We all knew who her favorite was.

I thought Rosie would make a mad dash for the door when I put her down, but oddly enough she sat next to us and Kooper as if she were actively trying to spend quality time, and I appreciated it.

Mama's buzzing phone took her out of her fake busyness. A tiny smirk crawled across her face as she read the text. I had a question I'd always wanted to ask but selfishly never did, especially after I gave her permission to go public with Dwayne.

"Mama?"

"Hmm?"

"Why'd you never move in with him?"

Again, she was surprised.

"Would you have really been okay with him living with us?"

"Of course not. But even after we left. Every time I come over, I half expect to see him. I just thought you would have jumped at the chance."

"No, I understand. I honestly thought I would too, but...

She stared out the window for a moment, collecting her thoughts.

"Saying yes to him wasn't as simple as saying, okay we're in a relationship now. I also had to say no to your dad."

"You talked to Dad about it?"

She laughed and shook her head.

"Of course not! You see, even though we had been divorced for a while and were moving on, I still felt the need to show him how sorry I was. I felt like, if I got with Dwayne and lived happily ever after, that meant I won, and he lost."

"But...that's what happened."

"I know. But I didn't want it to be like that, especially since the situation wasn't malicious. I liked Ali. I mean, I loved him, but I liked him. He's really smart. Like, really intelligent."

"Yeah. I've learned that."

"Yeah! He's kind. And he's wise. I know you know that. He always impressed me, and I wanted him to like me too, even after it was over. Like, I knew he'd be angry for a while, but I didn't want him to hate me. I thought, if I move on completely with Dwayne, that door would be closed and he would never like me. So, when I said yes to Dwayne, I had to close the door and let go of the hope that we could be friends again. I had to reject that fangirl in me who still cared what he thought. Most of all, I had to stop allowing my love for him interfering with my love for Dwayne, because whether or not I like it, I made a choice and needed to live with it."

"Wow. That's...wow..."

"Yeah... But the thing is, Luca...that wasn't a one-time thing. I have to make those choices daily. Some days are easier than others. But lately..." She sighed. "Your dad and I are in a good place now. He likes me, ha! That makes it hard to commit to those choices, and I find myself peeking behind that door and leaving it cracked."

"But, Mama..." I couldn't believe I was about to rally for Dwayne, but I kinda felt sorry for the guy. "You're with Dwayne now. Don't you think you owe him all of your love?"

"Of course I do! This is the fight I have with myself every day."

I sat there for a moment, mulling over her words, feeling bad that she was still so tormented, but really frustrated that she refused to live with her choices. The rest of us had adjusted and moved on while she still clung to the past. And honestly? She kinda reminded me of a child who had a room full of toys but still screamed for more and was unwilling to share. And sadly, that made it easier for me to see how she decided to destroy our family. She wanted to have it all. And in her own sad way, she was still trying to have it all. That's when I realized what hid between the lines.

"If Dad came to you right now and said he forgave you and wanted you back, would you go back to him?"

She let out the longest, heaviest sigh I ever heard.

"I won't say yes...but I can't say no either."

Wow. Part of me felt for her. The torment I put myself through with all this dating stuff paled in comparison to what she went through. But another part of me wanted to yell, "He's not coming back! Get over it already!"

"Your sweetheart is home," she said. "We'll have to continue this later."

[matthewkniesys]

California Makes Me Exhausted- Jamie Drysdale

Summary: Jamie was born in Toronto so he's no stranger to big, busy cities and while Toronto is big, LA is bigger. He's drowning in all of it and most of all he just misses you.

Pairing: Jamie Drysdale x fem!reader

Warnings: sad Jamie and a few swears 

A/n: Alright so I finally wrote a new fic! This fic is my baby so I hope everyone likes it! Feedback and comments are very welcome!

The game of hockey is hard. Just playing hockey is difficult but then you add the fans and the media and the expectations and sometimes it can become to much. At least that's how it feels to Jamie.

Being picked sixth overall isn't something to take lightly. Being picked in the top ten puts insane expectations on you, some of which aren't even attainable. Everyone expect you to be perfect when in truth that's impossible.

Then there is Trevor. The one he is always being compared to. Its not fair when they are two completely different players in two completely different positions. Trevor's a centreman and Jamie's a dman. He'd being lying to you of he told you it wasn't hard constantly being in his shadow. For the most part Jamie didn't mind all the attention being on Trevor, but once in awhile it's nice for them to be purely focusing on you. Even on the night he scored his first goal, Trevor did too.

But perhaps the hardest thing for Jamie when he is in LA is that he doesn't get to see his girlfriend, y/n.

So when the season ends, Jamie can't say he's exactly happy that it's over but he's definitely ready for a break. A break where he completely falls off the face of the earth for a few months.

Packing up the locker room is always a somber event. Saying goodbye to all your friends, some of whom you may never play with again, knowing you won't be back until next season and the overall knowledge that you didn't win the cup. Even for a team like the ducks, who never came into this season with the expectations of winning, it still stings.

Jamie goes through media, almost half consciously. He's there giving half hearted comments, but his mind is elsewhere. The flight he has booked back to Toronto, all the friends he's gonna see when he gets back, and you, are all floating through his mind, more important than whatever stupid questions the reporters are asking.

When media finally finished Jamie said his goodbyes and got ready to leave. Troy stopped him in his path.

“James where are you off to in such a hurry?’

“I’ve got a flight back home to catch in a few hours.” He responds.

“Eager to get back home?”

“Yeah, haven’t seen my girl since Christmas when she came out to see a few games.”

“Well have fun but listen, take care of yourself this offseason, eh? I've seen how tired you've looked these last few months Jame, and while its not effecting you on ice, your mental health is is just as important. I don't know what's up, but I'm here if you need me. Take it easy, bud.”

“Thanks dude. You take care of yourself as well.”

“You’ve got my number right? Call if you ever need anything.” Jamie nods his head, even though he knows he won’t call Troy. He’s to stubborn to ever admit needing help. 

Jamie rushes to get away. Even though he appreciates Troy's concern he doesn't want to be held up in anymore of those conversations. The truth is he had been feeling drained for a long time now. It was a new feeling for Jamie. He was used to being able to make it through the season without feeling to tired but it seemed that this season no matter how much he slept he couldn't feel rested.

He gets in his car and puts the keys in. He drives to the airport probably faster that he should be but Jamie is ready to leave California behind. He understands big cities but California is different. Everything moves so fast. It's easy to get left behind. California is definitely not a hockey state but Jamie still feels like he's drowning in it just because it's California. 

He gets to the airport and rushes through security as fast as possible. He collapses on one of the hard, cold, plastic chairs and takes a deep breath.

Some time later, he hears a women’s voice come on over the PR system.

“Flight number 62 to Toronto, Ontario has been delayed at least 2 hours.” Jamie groans. All he wants to do is get home, see his family and his girlfriend. He wants to ask you about your day in person, he wants to hug you and kiss you and cuddle you, he wants to do everything he misses out on while he’s in California playing hockey.

Jamie closes his eyes and tries to fall asleep. He eventually does though its the same kind of sleep he’s been having since the last time he saw you. Since December, when you came out to Anaheim, He truly hasn’t had a good night sleep since then. 

He wakes for the 3rd time in 20 minutes to hear his phone going off. He sees 2 missed calls and a voicemail from y/n waiting for him. He knows that today you had a big finals exam but you 2 hadn’t talked in a few days. Shit, Jamie thinks realizing he forgot to text you good luck this morning.

He opens the voicemail,

“Hey babe, um I just wanted to let you know that I’m done taking my exam and I think it went pretty well! I hope you’re having a good day. Can’t wait to see you tonight! Love you.” Jamie listened to the voicemail 2 more times. He misses you so, so much. You were his everything. His best friend since he was a little kid, his now girlfriend for the last 3 and a half years. You meant the world to him and he would do anything for you. 

Jamie sits there, on that cold, hard, plastic chair with tears threatening to roll down his cheeks. He misses you, he just wants to be around you. He picks up his phone and selects your number at the top of his contacts.

He lets it ring, desperately hoping you’ll pick up. When you dont pick up he feels more alone than ever. Next to him someone shifts towards him in their seat. He looks over and sees a lady, maybe 10 years older than his mom looking at him.

She speaks softly “ Are you doing okay, honey?”

Jamie doesn't speak, just shakes his head. No, he’s not okay and for some reason its easy for him to tell this to a stranger. Jamie bits his lip willing the tears not to come. 

"Do you wanna tell me what's wrong?" She asks.

"I um, well I play hockey and I haven't seen my girlfriend in a long time and I'm just realising how I've kinda been a bad boyfriend cause I've just been so caught up in myself and I just don't know what to do." Jamie rants to this lady he doesn't know. He's not worried about her recognizing him cause, C'mon it's California, almost no ones ever come up to him here.

"Oh honey, that's such a tough position. We're you trying to call her just now?"

"Uh yeah. She just took a finals exam and she left me a message telling me how it went and well I realised I forgot to even wish her good luck. I um, I'm gonna go to the bathroom really quick." Jamie apologizes to the lady for leaving and she seems to understand.

Once he gets to the bathroom he locks himself in a stall and really let's the tears fall, sobbing so hard that he can barely breath. Once he gets a grip on himself, he splashes cold water on his face and leaves the bathroom.

Once he's returned to his seat the lady has left. Not knowing what to do he picks up his phone and tries your number again. This time you pick up on the first ring.

"Y/n" Jamie says frantically when you pick up the phone " I love you so fucking much."

"I love you to Jame."

"I'm sorry for being such a shitty boyfriend and I feel horrible.  I just can't believe I forgot to tell you good luck this morning. I hope your exam went well. I miss you." Jamie rants on and on not knowing what to say and wanting to say everything at once.

"Babe, listen to me." You say when Jamie stops spitting out his random nonsense. " I love you so so much. And yeah, you've kinda been a shitty boyfriend as of late but I get it. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you being a hockey player out in California away from your family. I noticed how you changed throughout the season. At the beginning you were so full of energy it was like you were high on adrenaline but eventually you just started to look Burnt-out and sad. I didn't know what to do or how to help you. I want to tell you know what I wish I had said when I first realised you weren't doing so good."

You take a deep breath before continuing. "I'm here for you and I always will be. I want you talk to me when things aren't going so well. When you need it I want you to lean on my shoulder for support. I just want you to tell me when you need me."

Bye the time you are done your speech Jamie has begun crying again. He can't help it, you're more than he could ever wish for, you're more than he deserves, more than anyone deserves. 

"Babe, dont cry." You say. It hurts you when he cries. All you want for him is to be happy.

"I- I just I don't know what I would do with out." Jamie's crying and he sounds so genuine it makes you tear up a little.

After a few moments of silence you speak. "Alright well I have to hang out with some friends but I love you and can't wait to see you tonight."

"Babe, I love you more than I could ever express." You both hang up and Jamie collapses, heaving out a shuddering breath.

Jamie was gonna see you again tonight. Everything was gonna be okay. You and him were gonna be okay. To him that's all that will ever matter.

Thank you guys so much for reading!! I'd love to know what yall think <33

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