#i fully expect to get hate for this opinion someone is gonna be like: so you're a scientology apologist?? oh so you hate minorities????

[saltyfilmmajor]

I know in my heart of hearts that they were not going to give tom that best acting nom but by god it makes me sad

[mythbringer-mayhem]

GODDAMNIT

man, I was just scrolling and now I'm a goddamn Raidioapple shipper what the FUCK

Ok ok-

And now I'm going to elaborate just because.

I was expecting someone out there to ship Lucifer and Alastor the second I heard Hell's Greatest Dad. I mean- two people singing/arguing over being father figures? Sounds gay to me /pos. The internet sure does love it's enemies to lovers (me included. I'm hopless lmao.)

BUT. I have specifics for this ship.

I hate it when people just look at Alastor's aromanticism/asexuallity and just go "nah. I'm just gonna do it anyways." I used to headcanon Alastor as complete aroace in the sense that he just can't feel that way for someone (this is not meant to sound like "oh he can't love anyone :( he's incapable" I mean specifically a romantic/sexual relationship.) Then fucking short ass king of hell arrives, and Alastor just IMMEDIATELY chooses violence.

I didn't think much of that besides "oh that's a little interesting," and then I stumbled across Radioapple and had to take a double take. My brain needed to figure out how that would work, like how it would start, flourish, ineract, yadda yadda-

.....so now I consider Alastor Demiromantic-

(I'm still goddamn writing jeez-)

Read on if you like random people looking wayyyyyy too much into fictional characters.

Headcanon timeeeeeeeee

When Lucifer and Alastor first meet, Alastor is surprised Lucifer doesn't know who he is. Up to this point, everyone knows about the terrifying radio demon, so it must be a little weird for someone to be completely ignorant to his existence. Especially when that person should probably know the ins and outs of what's going on- ....because he's the fucking king of hell.

This is something new for Alastor. It made him curious. When you're curious, you try to learn more right? So, Alastor starts pushing Lucifer's buttons, seeing how he reacts. On Lucifer's end, Alastor's just being a smug asshole. However his true intentions are information on the esteemed oh-so-powerful king of hell. Maybe Alastor doesn't quite know where this fascination comes from, but regardless he wants to learn more. I can picture him progressively bothering Lucifer more and more (this is his unique way of getting to know him semi-discreetly)

As well as figuring out what ticks him off, Alastor would also probably passively learn things Lucifer likes. For instance, he finds out what Lucifer's favorite alcoholic drink is or something- bare with me- Let’s say Lucifer has a rough day, and it's very clear to everyone in the hotel. While he's frustrated in his own room, he hears a knock at the door. Answering it, he finds his aforementioned favorite drink. At this point, he wouldn't know who left it. But after a while, he'd be able to figure out it's Alastor through process of elimination. (This is inspired by a comic I saw! :))

Now we've got Alastor trying to discreetly be kind to Lucifer, and Lucifer is aware without his knowledge. And Lucifer would call him out for it lmao. Slowly, they'd start acting friendlier towards each other. It would take a long, long time though. The slowest slow burn of them all. They'd hang out more, do things, kick angel ass, have friendly banter, do stuff with Charlie. Untill Alastor finally realizes that he might have a crush on Lucifer. Though, I feel he'd take a while to fully figure that out, do some soul searching, maybe go to Rosie for advice.

Then they'd confess. Or they wouldn't lol. I can totally see them going on what is essentially a date, even though they just consider it "hanging out". It would be a quiet relationship. Something you'd miss if you aren't looking for it, but it is there. They both just need someone they can rest with in my opinion.

These ideas are probably sporadic and nonsensical- but I ✨️don't care✨️ I just needed to rant about the old timey deer man and the short depressed apple gremlin.

[painted-bees]

Since I've been rotating Raf's mental illness in my mind this month as a way of smoothing my own brain, I've been thinking a lot about the ways his PPD and CPTSD symptoms interact, and how it affects his behaviors.

Firstly, Raf's paranoia isn't commonly accompanied by narcissistic traits. That is to say--he's not especially prone to believing that people have him on their mind all the time. If he walks past two people laughing, it's not his gut instinct to think that they are laughing at him. However, it is certainly his gut instinct to assume that they are laughing at someone.

But, unless they deliberately pause to regard him in an off putting way, his brain isn't gonna jump to the conclusion that he's the topic of their little chortle.

In fact, Raf rarely feels like he is being deliberately belittled by honest remarks when they are simply worded poorly. In some ways, he greatly prefers being called a jackass, to his face, in flat tones--than to receiving sweet, placating platitudes in a kindly tone. No matter how genuine the kindness may be behind the latter, Raf generally tends to interpret it...poorly. It gives him a really bad gut feeling, like they're buttering him up, mincing their words in a shallow attempt to gain his good opinion...all so that he won't suspect them later. Suspect them of what? Who knows. Something bad, something exploitative, something abusive. To him.

Raf doesn't suspect that everyone is out to use or exploit him. He fully believes that most people are capable of not thinking about him at all--even if he is physically present around them, such as in a busy train station. However, he does suspect that everyone who goes out of their way to interact with him, and especially everyone who wants to get to know him only do so in order to use or exploit him. And his basal understanding of human behavior is, generally, that kindness and good manner are most frequently used as tools of manipulation for personal gain rather than as an expression of genuine love and care. And he recognizes that this is only possible as a successful tool of manipulation because, just like him, everyone else wants to be genuinely loved and cared for.

Even his uncle, whom Raf does genuinely loves and trust, is suspected of being as kind and accommodating as he is to Raf only because doing so soothes his uncle's guilt and gives him a moral leg up over the rest of Raf's family. And part of Raf's initial willingness to trust his uncle is that his uncle never really...denies that this is, at the very least, a part of it. And--if that's all Uncle Bill really wanted outta Raf, then that was a perfectly livable arrangement.

Raf's CPTSD, on the other hand, generates the shame that serves as the crux for a lot of his self-critical introspection. Even before his diagnosis, he was harboring a sense that something was really, deeply wrong with him--like he wasn't a real person. And so, it felt radically audacious to assert that he deserved to behave as a real person; which included the right to feel and act upon anger and sadness--and to have those emotions received and treated with any level of respect by those around him. Until his final year at Juilliard, he was kind of in a placid(listless) state of learned helplessness. He'd do what ever he had to do to meet the expectations of his peers and instructors (namely, amphetamines. So much amphetamines.) It was just baaarely enough to get him his degree, and it ran him ragged and beyond resentful. He fully left Juilliard with the mindset of "I'm entering my villain era, I'm fully committed to being a Bad Guy, I am ok with everyone hating me now". And the "bad guy" behavior was just...saying no to stuff he didn't want to do, self-isolating, and outwardly expressing/lashing out when something viscerally upset him.

Which...thanks to the personality disorder, meant he became prone to yelling at people and accusing them of hurting or betraying him when they, in fact, did not. Especially...almost specifically the people closest to him, who cared the most about him and whom he cared the most for. And that's quickly what lead to his diagnosis, which kinda put an end to his 'villain arch'. So now he's back to reckoning with that sense of "something is really, deeply wrong with me", but at least now he has a growing understanding of what that is. And also the notion of "I have the 'bad person' disease--I am a Bad Person if I act on my core suspicions and beliefs, I cannot fucking trust myself, I can't trust my own perception of people or events." And now he's gotta balance that with whole "I deserve to feel safe, comfortable, and respected" alongside the critical notion of "but so does everyone else".

He hates it when people try to get to know him, he is fundamentally mistrustful of people. But at the same time, he has a lot of difficulty balancing his boundaries against the infringement of other people's boundaries--and the root understanding of "Something is wrong with me, I'm the problem, the fact that I think other people are the problem--is part of the problem that is me." is what motivates him to delay acting upon his negative impulses as much as is is able to, and to exercise kindness even when it feels like he's walking directly into a fire.

So, his overall kinda...thing is "I don't trust any of these guys, they clearly want something from me, and if I let them get close enough, they won't care if they have to hurt me to get it[PPD] but I'm a fundamentally busted person with a fucked up perspective and thus it is actually safer if I prioritize their comfort over my own[CPTSD] within certain parameters[therapy]"

and, idk...the big flashing red "ISOLATE, ISOLATE, ISOLATE" sign shows up in there on a frequent enough occasion that he just...has no real friends, despite a billion "good" acquaintances.

Despite all his mistrust and suspicions, the feelings of being fundamentally unlovable for willfully/protectively limiting the range of his 'usefulness', his terminally pessimistic outlook on the nature of human beings--he craves so tremendously to be loved and cared for and held and reassured in such a way and to such an extent that could never be fully sated, I am sure. But he couldn't stand to receive it from someone he can't believe in.

Margie accidentally hack speedran his CPTSD coping mechanisms so hard that she clipped through his paranoia until the collision error launched her into Trusted Person status. And he's just mostly confused and a bit anxious over how it all happened so fast.

[that's a joke...kinda]

[idkiwasntsupposedtobebackhere]

ok so since people didn’t cut my head off for my unpopular opinions i’m gonna expand on the second one. so for people in the gilmore girls fandom it’s pretty much the general opinion that luke is a saint for taking jess in and that jess screwed things up and that it’s his fault luke kicked him out. ”he got himself kicked out”. even people who like jess seem to think this is fair. so as someone who watches gilmore girls mostly for jess i have a different perspective that i’ve never actually vocalized but i figured maybe this little corner of the internet wouldn’t hate me for this, as long as it doesn’t make it out of here.

so i also first of all think that the fact that jess has to work at luke’s and graduate in order to stay there is a bit sad. like everyone around him his age has somewhere they can stay without conditions, and people wonder why he’s the only one worried about making money. and yes, it’s a fine idea in theory, he has to change his ways if he wants to stay with luke bc that’s the point of him being there, sure, but luke could stand to NOT always bring it up to jess during fights that can’t stay with him if he violates the conditions.

bc the thing is that luke very clearly makes it known that he doesn’t want jess there and that the whole situation is kind of a pain in his ass that he’s doing out of obligation. a minor is entitled to a place to stay where they can be an asshole unconditionally, actually, and they shouldn’t have to be constantly grateful to have that. and if luke didn’t want to fully commit and be that place, he should have said no to taking jess in. you don’t get to get all the praise for doing a good deed and then get all pissy about actually following through with it.

like i know luke and jess aren’t the main characters and that their scenes and dynamic are for comedy. but then they play off jess leaving as serious so i should be allowed to analyze their scenes seriously. and my conclusion is… luke is not that nice to jess LOL. like i can’t think of a single scene where he responds to him in any other manner than pissed off or annoyed. he never stops treating him like a bad kid. we know luke cares about jess but does jess have any reason to believe that? or does he think this is all for liz? like i know their scenes are jokes but for someone who complains so much about what a difficult person jess is to connect with, i think luke missed a lot of moments to do it.

luke taking jess in in general is nice, YES, but i’m not talking about just good intentions here. and i know that it was a very good intention but i, again, just super dislike the whole ”you wouldn’t have anywhere to stay if it wasn’t for me, so watch it”-attitude. even in season 4 luke basically said that jess had to come to liz’ wedding because he was there for him when no one else was. and i think that’s a shitty thing to say to someone who deserved more. i know luke didn’t have to do it bc he’s not his parent and that’s why people forgive him and not liz, who is his parent and did have to do it. but i think luke agreed to be jess’ parent and if he didn’t want to, he could have said no to his sister for once in his life. anyways, i think i’ve made my point.

also, i love you luke, my world just revolves around your nephew. i know i’m putting a lot of unrealistic expectations on a guy who’s pretty emotionally constipated. and he did come through with the big things, like giving jess money in sesson 4. but i’m talking about the little things that could have made even more of a difference. just don’t get it twisted ok, luke and jess’ relationship is my fave on the show, i may like it even more than rory and jess’, but when i enjoy something i analyze it. so don’t think i don’t love them, because i do! i just want to squash the idea that luke did everything he could but that jess ultimately was too difficult, because i disagree with that.

[slowd1ving]

Hi ! I also enjoy receiving your replies. And dont worry about replying a few days later. You dont have to be available 24/7.

Also i forgot to ask in my last ask. In the moze fics, does jiaoqiu have ulterior motives? Or is he just a best friend who cares? I found it noticeable how moze always got jealous at the mention/appearance of Jiaoqiu. And how Jiaoqiu was insistent on saying Moze didnt have a chance. It might be him just teasing moze because hes aware of how Moze is.

I mean, Moze also got aggravated when he found out the protag was sleeping around. And when the earth man was flirting, he didnt have time to get jealous because they were both busy trying to survive and escape. And he was more protective rather than possessive there.

🦢

SWAN ANONNNNNN HEYY (appreciate the smaller detail remembrance)

Ok so to fully answer the questions I'm going to split the premise into three. I'm gonna YAP while skirting around the topic (also so I can talk about their characters because DAMN they're interesting)

Reader: forcibly put into the proximity of Moze (plot convenience) (and also somewhat necessity for his work) after being kicked from the Intelligenstia Guild. This innate frustration of zero control, coupled with Moze's prickliness and mc's own standoffishness = colleagues with the sole benefit of hating each other and making it publicly known, while naturally gravitating to people who are the social opposite to their frustrating partner (aka Jiaoqiu and Zhi Hua, who's just some side character for the Shadow Guard since there's no actual info on them lmao)

Moze: from the lore, and tb quest, there's several points of information about him. He's known not to talk much, work alone, and make somewhat awkward jokes where the situation does not warrant it. He does "not wish to speak", which is also understandable as an occupational thing. Obviously there's bound to be huge reductions of his character to those three points but I digress.

Now, being put into forced proximity with someone he believes is irresponsible and a hindrance is something new. If he doesn't like someone, he avoids them, or in the worst case scenario he... takes care of them. That's his job, so no hard feelings. However, he's basically not got any option, because he's Feixiao's subordinate, to essentially 'babysit' (in his opinion). He's also not used to being close emotionally/and somewhat physically with people, case in point being his job and stint in prison. NOW bickering and arguing with someone every few days for a prolonged length of time is possibly some of the most ordinary shit he's been through. You're not trying to kill him. You're not scared of him. Yeah, you dislike him (strongly) and he dislikes you (strongly) too, but you're proving your capabilities and you dislike him personally rather than through hearsay.

Anyways, outside the job he avoids you like the plague, but inside there's bound to be far more complex emotions the more he spends time with you and the more he realises he was mistaken about your ability (but not about your shit personality). But again, not a lot of experience in dealing with emotions, so pestering you is basically him succumbing to you being a somewhat alright person rather than someone he keeps at arm's length. Or at least, he trusts your abilities (somewhat) but still holds zero expectations of you (or at least he thinks that) and still dislikes you

Jiaoqiu: remember social opposites? Honestly I don't think Moze was jealous of Jiaoqiu specifically but rather anyone who's publicly close to you (case in point A-hua), because this man is lowkey starved for affection. Like where in his job and life does he experience that? And I did purposefully write in diminutives for this man (xiaoze, a-ze) in a sarcastic way, which just makes this man's eye twitch since you have no problem being affectionate with his colleagues, not just stopping at civil. Like purposefully showing off your closeness is one thing but just slipping in a-hua or jiaoqiu's name casually is what really gets him - like your subconscious just has these two in an affectionate bubble in your mind and he's just glaring lmao.

I believe he's got a somewhat competitive side, especially due to his alleged nature to be tidy and clean. Like, he's meticulous, and he's already proved himself to you and you to him. Why are his colleagues better than him? He dislikes you even more for that lmao because he's subconsciously feeling closeness as a side effect of harmless bickering, because he has to pay attention to you in order to best find information to irritate you with

Except, a lot of his information stems around your relationships (case in point fake rumor with zhi hua in like the first fic for him)!! which he does not have (a lot of relationships) !!!!

Anyways Jiaoqiu's heard a lot of your complaints and honestly thinks it's funny as hell, like we've got his friend who's clearly going to need a while to grapple with his feelings while denying them, and then we've got the guy who just dislikes his friend. Honestly I wrote him as someone who just wanted to speed up the process, while also just being incredulous while thinking of your complaints. Because you complainnnn. Chaos inducing best friend

But a best friend who would NOT mind hitting 🙏. Ulterior motives yes, but also he does want his new friend to heal, hence the dissuading; because he's also never heard you say anything particularly good about the man, and vice versa. like ??? some people just do NOT like each other so he might as well take his chance instead lmao

Anyways I find it funny you mentioned the Earth guy bc I know damn well that knife Moze threw felt extra cathartic. Like the issue resolved itself: you fought him off with disgust, didn't suddenly become emotionally close, and he became a cadaver in the end - and once they're dead, Moze moves on. Thus, he just felt irritated this guy tried something without actually knowing why it felt refreshing to perform his occupation. The sleeping around thing is something else because it requires willing proximity (and you could've just chosen him smh).

side effect of competitiveness. Like based on his design and lore it's pretty obvious he's high up in the Shadow Guards, and perhaps one of their best assassins. He's polished his craft, but you evidently don't care about that. So being in even more forced proximity (apartment) is also forcing him to unfurl the tight bundle of annoyance to see exactly what it is. cue that whiskey scene (my favourite, because the desperation is a result of him feeling that inferiority hit)

tl;dr - yes Jiaoqiu's got ulterior motives but also sincerely believes it may be quite hard for moze to make his affections known (considering his reclusivity and emotional short-sightedness); also it's just funny as hell to poke fun at people in general and moze's a satisfying target

Moze's just jealous, because you're close to everyone but him (perceived). and you're just sarcastically calling him diminutives and ugh that's just something that lingers in his heart regardless.

but yeah sorry for the yap I genuinely like both their designs so much 😭😭

[trans-androgyne]

Ok as a trans girl I thought I'd throw out some opinions on egg jokes cause I've seen you post some things from one perspective and I'd like you to hear mine. What I'm gonna say is NOT MEANT TO ACCUSE YOU OF SAYING THIS STUFF !! It is just some observations I've noted from various communities

I've noticed a lot of the backlash surrounding egg jokes has been specifically about the concept of someone being a trans woman being inherently perverse and sexual, as compared to, say, gay jokes. Both of these sorts of jokes come from the same place (ex "I see myself/friends in this person, haha they're just like me/them") but one is much more socially acceptable than the other. If I see a man in a crop top with neon pink booty shorts and say "lol he's so gay" , nobody really cares other than the occasional "you can never assume anything about anyone" person. If I see a guy with long hair awkwardly looking at feminine deodorant and say "lol he's such an egg", that gets a stronger reaction from all sides of the community than the previous situation. There's a lot of people saying things like "let me be feminine" which,I agree! Men should be allowed to be feminine! But if a trans woman sees her pre-transition self in the way a man acts and jokes about it, that isn't something that should be as heavily policed as it is now.

There is a very large stereotype that trans women run 'feminizing cults' that recruit men and manipulate them to start estrogen and such, this is a transmisogynist conspiracy and what a *lot* of backlash from egg jokes leans into. Obviously, if you yourself aren't comfortable being called an egg or anything like that, then by all means tell anyone who tries to make that joke with you. If they're a good person they'll just go "oh, ok, thanks for telling me" and stop joking about that with you. Block the tags, curate your online experience, but I think a lot of people expect trans woman to fully stop making these jokes because of some disgust they feel from it, and attributing that disgust to mean there's some inherent moral stance on egg jokes, which there isn't

Also for context I am a trans girl whose egg was cracked via egg jokes lolll

Thank you for sharing your perspective. I think a lot of discomfort at egg jokes is in fact coming from a place of transmisogyny. I do not care about the vast majority of egg jokes. I think they can sometimes be reinforcing the gender binary, but honestly so can other popular trans jokes. I personally get uncomfortable when people are publicly speculating on the activities and gender of a specific stranger just going about their day because I would hate if that was me. I don’t care if people make those jokes with their friends. But enough people have passed around this deodorant example that if the deodorant person is a cis guy they’d probably feel pretty uncomfortable about it! Same with other cis guys who already feel insecure about expressing femininity for fear people will think they’re less of a man. As a trans guy I already get nervous people will see me pick out feminine deodorant (it just smells better) in the grocery store aisle and misgender me about it. People thinking it would be okay to speculate about me online as a result if they mistook me for a cis guy would be awful to me. I think we should have a genuine conversation about what constitutes violating a stranger’s privacy. But we desperately need to watch the transmisogyny in these conversations because a lot of people’s takes sound suspiciously like “trans women are groomers” rhetoric.

[allbuthuman]

On Dazai's possible diagnoses

As a psych postgrad with an interest in psychopathology who's been rotating him in my brain for over a year, I thought I should put my two cents out there. This is probably gonna be long, so buckle up.

So, let's start with what he doesn't have: Borderline Personality Disorder

If it's a headcanon then by all means go ahead, but I really don't see Dazai having the disorder based on canon info. Because this is a take I see often, I will go through all the symptoms one by one and explain why I disagree.

A BPD diagnosis requires 5 of the following:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

I don't wanna get too much into attachment patterns, but Borderline fear of abandonment is largely preoccupied in nature, while Dazai is extremely avoidant. There is a difference between efforts to avoid abandonment and resignation to loneliness. Dazai experiences the second - he does say that everything he holds dear will be lost, but that's something he has accepted. He does nothing to change it. He is resigned. No such effort is being made on his part.

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships, characterised by alternating between extremes of idealisation and devaluation

I can see why someone would think such instability would be true for Dazai, but that's only on a surface level. If we think about it, his relationships with the people who actually matter to him have been surprisingly stable. My main examples are Oda, Chuuya, Atsushi, and Kunikida. While of course all of them grow and change, the dynamics that were set up when he met each of them have not changed much. Each dynamic is very different, but none of them has has any intense, abrupt shifts. Sure, his relationships can be intense, but that's mostly because of either a) the intensity of the people involved and the circumstances around them (Do you expect two very different and very traumatised teenagers to not fight?) or b) Dazai's persona. You can't take, for example, his fights with Kunikida as an example of instability, because, firstly, it's only ever been like that, and, more importantly, Dazai is fully capable of acting differently, which wouldn't be the case if this were a symptom.

About the second part, Dazai is not once seen alternating between idealisation and devaluation of the same person. What he thinks of those around him seems to be based on characteristics they actually have, interpreted of course by a person like Dazai, who is, like everyone, biased due to his own history and trauma. He's a person and he has opinions on people. Never has he completely idealised or devalued someone, let alone both for the same person, beyond that. The only time we, in the present timeline, see him let his emotions affect how he treats someone is when he first meets Ango again, and what we see is an appropriate reaction from someone who has been hurt. Hell, if anything, he should learn to do that more.

3) Unstable self-image

We literally have no idea. There is minimal information on how Dazai thinks of himself. The only times that I can think of where he actually gave a glimpse into it was when he called himself "a man hated by righteousness" and, less directly, when he told Atsushi that pitying himself would make his life a nightmare, which could have contained some projection. His alienation and struggles with humanity seem to be unchanging, even when he's receiving proof of the opposite, such as experiencing a connection to someone, to the point where he seems to be apprehensive even of change that could come naturally, such as growing close to the other ADA members.

4) Impulsivity in at least two potentially harmful ways (spending, sexual activity, substance use, binge eating, etc.)

He does have this. We don't know his other habits, but he's extremely careless when it comes to his own safety, and it's clear that he abuses alcohol.

5) Recurrent suicidal threats or attempts or self-mutilation. 

He also has this one, although differential diagnosis for BPD would require certainty that it exists beyond the limits of the Major Depressive Disorder that he does have.

6) Unstable mood/affect

That is clearly his persona. In fact, the unmasked Dazai seems flatter in affect than the average person, even though we very rarely see him. I could use Oda's descriptions of him as an example, since he's the one who perceived him the most. He's described Dazai's face as lifeless-looking, unmoving, his eyes like wounds. His "natural" state is empty, hollow. It's quite the opposite of someone who's dysregulated and overflowing with emotion, and it's quite clear that many of the reactions that he does display are dramatised and exaggerated on purpose, and often don't correspond to his true emotion at the time at all, if such a thing is present in the first place. You can't count an act as a symptom. His emotions are controlled to the extreme, even in situations where being emotional would be expected.

7) Chronic feelings of emptiness

He has this. Again, we don't know if we can differentiate it from the depressive emptiness, but it's there.

8) Difficulty controlling anger

We've barely seen him angry, let alone uncontrollably so. He's exploded in anger exactly once, in side B of The Day I Picked Up Dazai, when he rampantly attacked someone because Oda was in danger - as a teenager who was seeing the one person he cared about get hurt. Again, he controls his emotions very well almost at all times.

9) Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or dissociative symptoms.

We have no info on paranoid symptoms on his part. Dissociative symptoms are likely there in his struggle with humanity, but they seem to be present consistently throughout his life and not specifically stress-related.

To sum up: he has 3 out of 9 symptoms, two of which can also be explained by depression. In fact, he is in many ways the opposite of a borderline individual - too controlled, too avoidant, too disengaged from emotion. The only relationship patterns of his that might look BPD-adjacent are almost always part of his persona.

For something more plausible, which I also ultimately don't think he has, or at least we don't have enough info: Antisocial Personality Disorder

I'm not gonna go through all the symptoms again, but mafia Dazai demonstrated many of them. However, there are two reasons I don't think he could be given that diagnosis either.

1) We see him behaving in ways that might meet the symptoms only between the ages of 15 and 18. ASPD can't be diagnosed before the age of 18. Dazai as an adult doesn't show nearly as many of those symptoms, and it's not possible to diagnose an adult based on how he behaved as a teenager. That's neither accurate nor fair. The same is true for symptoms of Schizoid Personality Disorder, some of which teenage Dazai also had.

2) An ASPD diagnosis currently requires a diagnosis of conduct disorder before the age of 15. There is no info on Dazai as a child, and we have no idea how he behaved.

(bonus 3): Some symptoms, such as illegal behaviour, are hard to be applied to Dazai's case, because of the extreme circumstances he was in. He was in the mafia, being encouraged to kill people. Of course he broke the law.)

Now, for the things he actually has or might have:

Major Depressive Disorder, of course. This is already long, and I don't think I even need to elaborate. He has almost all the symptoms of chronic depression.

Possibly, Depersonalisation/Derealisation Disorder

Depersonalization/derealization disorder involves a persistent or recurring feeling of being detached from one's body or mental processes, like an outside observer of one's life (depersonalization), and/or a feeling of being detached from one's surroundings (derealization). (x)

It seems to me that his feelings of being inhuman would be quite likely to classify as depersonalisation. Again, we have no idea how Dazai experiences this from a first-person perspective. Everything he actually says is indirect, like calling this world a dream (even though that was at least partly acting), and often in connection to the real-life author and his words. However, it's clear that something is there that doesn't allow him to see himself as a person, and it has affected him significantly.

It's not certain, of course, that he would have this diagnosis. I just thought I should mention it as a possibility, because I haven't see anyone mention it in relation to him.

Even more possibly, Complex PTSD

I won't go through each symptom here either, but one of the core characteristics of C-PTSD is a deep feeling of alienation or shame, of something being fundamentally wrong with you in such a way that puts you apart from other people. Sufferers often feel like they're completely disconnected from others, permanently damaged or worthless, and experience a chronic sense of hopelessness. It is more likely to be caused by long-term traumatic circumstances rather than a singular traumatic event or situation.

Dazai was, for all we know, already very unwell by the age of 14, and was then taken in by Mori, who took his pre-existing feelings of alienation and weaponised them, in order to make him into the "demon prodigy". It's safe to assume that such feelings already existed, and were only maximised during his mafia years, where he was expected and even encouraged to tap into the things that made him different from others.

At the same time, he had no guidance on how to navigate his human emotions and needs and turmoil at any point, which must have only led to a further disconnect from them, therefore cutting his routes for connecting with others further and further.

You may also be more likely to develop C-PTSD if:

you experienced trauma at a young age you were harmed by someone close to you who you trusted you were unable to escape the trauma (x)

While we don't know what happened in his pre-mafia past, all of this apply to his time in the mafia.

I will once again put the disclaimer that none of us knows how Dazai really experiences these things from his POV. He's an extremely opaque character, and most analysis of him is bound to contain a degree of assumption and guesses. However, there are some things that are more plausible than others based on his actions and reactions, and I think these three options, either separately or in combination, make the most sense to me. I would gladly elaborate further and discuss any part of this, including, of course, disagreements, as long as they're informed.

[ko-existing]

Yeah, I sent that message to Bry because she was the only one posting about these anons attacking you guys...as far as I'm concerned. I haven't been here in a while.

I don't really wanna private message anyone. Sophie can privately message you if she so desires.

Further, as far as Sophie and I discussed, like yeah...you guys just had different styles of sharing ideas. Sure we can all get butthurt sometimes. But, it wasn't anything personal, ultimately, a social media tiff lol. I imagine that post is deleted?

Does it really matter anymore? Do you expect Sophie to still be raging by a tiff?

Im not gonna say anymore, it's none of my business. But the anons sending so much hate: you guys need to stop and go within. Sophie wouldn't want this for y'all. Its deplorable behavior...her and ada are gone, rely on yourself...

[neutral but more confused tone]

I'm not sure what you discussed with her but dming me and agreeing about the "there is no ego, this post is limited" story on Instagram that was meant in a neutral way but then going to tumblr, switching and saying "you're speaking from the ego, i'm so disappointed, you sound jealous of her" and making it sound like I'm attacking Ada which I originally never did within 1-2hours which resulted in her devouted deciples living in my ask box since the very start of this account to now and never saying anything about it and sendings asks anonymously about topics only she could knew about from our IG dms which were personal, doesn't sound very "different styles of sharing ideas & nothing personal" to me. How can I be jealous of someone I don't know? I asked afterwards on IG who Ada is and people told me. That's the thing that confuses me here. How can I speak from something that doesn't exist fundamentally? They talked about ND/AV but contradicted themselves with ego-related posts and concepts. Pointing that out is not an attack. I never attacked Ada, I never even knew her to begin with but Sophie's reblog was the catalyst of everything else that followed to this day that blew everything out of proportion. She knew I wasn't attacking her because that's what I said in the audio back then on IG. Disagreeing with someone does not mean attacking them. She knew her followers were camping in our inbox (not just this account) for months and stayed silent and now says it wasn't anything actually? After she (Sophie) left for a reason her anons didn't know, people started blaming Chen for it and no one said a thing. A follower on IG sent me a message asking what my opinion of this post is, i replied and AFTER i found out it's from tumblr, i made an account too. Another thing is, I don't fully understand why you operate as a middleman for her. You said in Bry's message that Anons should stop speaking for her, but aren't you speaking for her or in her name anonymously too? I'm not angry, just confused as to what exactly she told you and why it clashes with the actual situation and the reactions of it

[shesmore-shoebill]

im just starting to watch the smosh mouth episode with arasha and WOAH was it. a Not So Good idea to check the comments. its definitely okay to disagree with an opinion of a cast member and i know its the nature of youtube comments (particularly smosh’s youtube comments section) to discuss these things, but the number of times i’ve seen people call amanda a “major red flag” or immediately label her as a bad person just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Oof yeah, Im not even gonna look. That's unfortunate, although not too surprising I guess. I tend to not watch a lot of Reddit Stories or read the comments on Reddit Stories for a similar reason lol. As someone who can disagree with some of Amanda's knee jerk takes in gen, and some of todays, I can totally see why her opinions/way of expressing them can catch people off guard/why people might have found it off putting.

But I also generally tend to land in the camp of, at most, like. "well, that's unfortunate. 🤷‍♀️." Honestly, people are perfectly justified to feel put off or surprised or discomfited, but its always worth revisiting what is actually helpful/healthy beyond that reaction. Ive just cut out like another two paragraphs talking about this but suffice it to say. Yeah. Ah man. I hope you can steer clear of the comments for a bit, and fingers crossed we can get more Amarasha with slightly less excitement surrounding it. I also think that a few of the people leaving more vehement hate comments about Amanda have actually done it semi-consistently on a few of these videos, so I'd. Take it with a grain of salt.

Anyway if desired, word dump under the cut on how I tend to view my own disagreement + thoughts on why the reaction can be so vehement. Its a little incoherent because I should've been asleep three hours ago whoops.

It's helped me to understand that a lot of it comes down to:

- The perspective that Amanda tends to approach things from (largely based off her own lived experiences) can be very different from mine. It doesnt mean it invalidates my lived experience or anything, nor does mine invalidate hers, but the base assumptions I'm making vs hers are probably very different. Not mutually exclusive, just different. Not acknowledging the difference means that miscommunication can happen where it feels like direct disagreement is happening when its more that two pretty distinct questions/trains of thought are being considered, with differing, or nuanced answers. Given different contexts, I might agree with her a lot more, or less!

- The kind of discussion that she and the others are going for- aka, often gearing for a baseline amount of, if not optimizing for, entertainment/comedy- is probably also different from what I might want/expect. (Like a deep dive on philosophy or logistics or just specific answers to questions/thoughts I have). Expecting a deeply nuanced, meticulous and fully considered discussion in a podcast intended for discussion and bits hosted by two comedians is probably not going to pan out for me. Or TL;DR Amanda might double down for a bit, not to actually die on a hill for an argument.

- In general I think Amanda holds opinions strongly- esp ones informed by her personal experiences AND loves committing to a bit. i went on a spiel already in the replies here chatting about some of this. But basically it comes hand in hand with the confidence that i really admire about her, and I don't generally feel like invalidation or malice is intended. If prompted to walk through her reasoning, I can typically see where she's coming from, even if I don't agree, and its nice to think vice versa might be true. But I probably will never know for sure!

- Generally it's not the end of the world TO disagree. its just like that sometimes. If it feels like the disagreement means the other person HAS to be a "bad person", its good to revisit that instinct and understand why. What assumptions are you making? Is it defensiveness or disappointment? etc etc. I don't have to convince myself of anything, but if I'm having a strong emotional response, it's good to know why.

- Arasha especially was helpful for clarifying elements of the above! But you can only ever get so much clarity. So yknow. Like at a certain point, no matter how much brain gymnastics I do, its not a discussion between me and Amanda or whoever I disagree with. So at a certain point, I need to be OK with whatever info I have + my takeaway. Whatever that looks like.

- Above all else, we don't know these people!

sorry i was gonna make this more fun but i need to sleep, and will probably be busy enough tomorrow that i didn't want to leave this in my box. TL;DR. yeah. its unfortunate. Steer clear of comments there for a bit, things'll even out. I hope that helps!

[juhbebbie]

Okayyyyy so City of the Dead thoughts for anyone who cares

Was I disappointed? My expectations weren't super high so I guess not, but the super overdramatic self pitying narration threw me off quite a bit. Like okay man chill out a bit. Kind of expected to not see Layla until the end so I guess there I was disappointed but not surprised. Fingers crossed she will be a central character from here on out and not a one and done thing in the series.

Okay elephant in the room time. I know a lot of people have been saying they REALLY did not like it and I really cannot blame them, but also I'm trying to stay hopeful because it just the first issue. I'm hesitant to get pissed off over the total lack of Jake and Steven just yet, when in Mackay's series neither made an appearance until like a year into the run. Yes this series isn't going to be nearly as long, but still. That being said, no I definitely don't expect Moon Knight to really be shown as a system, but I'm gonna give Prepose a couple more issues to prove me wrong (the bar is on the floor). Mainly just because I feel like it would be hypocritical of me to denounce Prepose for not including them and then praise Mackay when it took him 12 issues to really acknowledge that they are a system. I'm going to give Prepose a chance since he wrote a pretty good Black, White, and Blood story that did have them shown as a system in a pretty cool way imo.

All this to say that I'm not trying to undermine anyone else's concerns, this is just my own opinion and trust me, based on what little interviews I've read I fully expect Jake and Steven to be completely ignored and if (and when) that happens I will be right there with the rest of yall lol. I will say that it's already very clear that the set up so far was not written with the intention of having a place for Steven or Jake, which is very disappointing.

Okay positive things! I enjoyed seeing Dr Badr a lot and i didn't have much of an issue with how he and Marc's relationship was portrayed. Yes in the main run they're closer now, but they are still very much at odds but willing to work together towards a common goal, which is exactly what we see here in this issue.

I also liked where the thing with the kid is going. The detail of him being kicked out after his brother's death definitely makes me think he's going to be a reflection of Marc, which would be a cool parallel to have.

And the art for the most part was really gorgeous! I don't know what the hell was going on with Layla there at the end (otherwise great male artists not knowing how to draw women), but other than that I REALLY loved how the actual city looked.

And the Egyptian mythology was actually a lot more accurate than it usually is, which, as someone who has always been a total nerd about that stuff, actually made me really happy. There are several specific things I wanted to point out but this post is long enough as is.

Also. "I don't care if I burn" that was badass as shit come on. One of the (admittedly several!) moments of overdramatic writing that came off very well kind of like how it does in the Mackay run (don't wanna compare this too much to the Mackay run though because I understand it's obviously going to be different and that's fine)

But yeah. The overall feel and tone was very... off. I was on board with the general plot and Marc's motivations but everything around the basic plot structure just seemed like Prepose was trying to do a weird Huston run thing and it wasn't working (I don't think it worked in the Huston run either but I digress).

I've seen people saying that they didn't like how Marc was an enthusiastic follower of Khonshu, but that wasn't really the vibe I got at all? If anything it was pretty clear how much he hated everything he was doing. Which also kinda felt off. Having him say that everything was "punishment" over and over just kind of felt like I was getting hit on the head with a theme that didn't even make sense for the character, at least not at this point. Don't get me wrong, self punishment is absolutely a big part of Marc Spector's character, but there is an important distinction between doing things to right your past wrongs and doing them because you feel like you deserve it. And it seemed like Prepose understood that at first, but then later into the issue I was like Marc PLEASE shut the fuck up about punishment lol.

People more knowledgeable than myself have said things about how this looks from the standpoint that this is also a Jewish character, but all I'm going to say as a general statement for all of Moon Knight's runs is that I wish they would let him be explicitly Jewish more often. It's mentioned in Mackay's run the clash between Marc's service to Khonshu and his Judaism, but I think that that is such an interesting part of his character that needs to be discussed WAY more!

Anyway, to make a long story short, definitely not the strongest first issue, but it absolutely had some great moments and I'm going to go forward with my expectations still pretty low, but willing to give it a shot for Layla's sake. But the fact that a run featuring Layla is already not turning out to be very good is a little bit heartbreaking for me I'm not gonna lie lol. I was going to go and buy myself a copy of this issue, but after actually reading it I didn't really want it anymore. So 😬 fingers crossed for the next issue I guess?

[neuvifuri]

4.0 archon quest thoughts

first i have to say that i’ve been waiting for this for as long as i’ve been playing genshin and so i felt very normal about it (lying)

i liked lyney and lynette way more than expected! i had been neutral on them this entire time but i ended up really enjoying them

their backstory was darker in a more real world way than i was expecting from genshin. not that genshin never has dark/heavy story elements, but usually they’re curved by a more fantasy aspect (e.g. the genocide in khaenri’ah is they were all cursed to be monsters rather than straight up slaughter, scaramouche trying to kill himself is him erasing himself from existence magically rather than actual suicide, etc) but lyney’s account of their childhood involving lynette being a victim of child sex trafficking is like. jesus christ.

on that note, very cool of arlecchino to kill child abusers. but if she was really cool, she would kill the child abuser in her own organization.

i obviously invested stocks early in neuvillette and furina, and i was slightly disappointed with their characters. i guess it’s not too unexpected since i had such high expectations. my opinion dipped significantly in the middle but then mostly recovered by the end. i’ll have to think about it a while longer to fully process.

neither of them was like cunty enough. i wanted them to be bitchier. but my neuvillette opinion recovered when started bawling in his office after navia yelled at him, and my furina opinion recovered seeing her take a trial seriously and hearing that she takes the prophecy seriously and is working on it herself. neuvillette is primarily competent with side of cringe, and furina is primarily cringe with a side of competent. i can live with this.

navia and clorinde gay, but also it doesn’t matter to me if someone had a good reason, i’m not sure i could be friends with/date the person who killed my father. idk that i could get past it. i wish they’d twisted the knife a little more there.

would have loved to hear what evidence they even had against childe in the serial disappearances case. would have loved to know who even accused him. the disappearance started over 20 years ago, you know, when he was a toddler in another country.

the whole time the merged victims consciousness oceanid avatar was talking to vacher i was saying “let’s go ladies, kill kill kill, ladies, let’s kill, c’mon girlies, let’s kill” and then they did so yippee!! hooray!!

swimming mechanics so fun but i hate the underwater combat. i know that farming mats is gonna be hell for me.

are we gonna jailbreak childe? free my man, he isn’t innocent but he didn’t do that one.

prevailing theory is that arlecchino tampered with the oratrice to sow distrust in the fontaine justice system. used childe as the case just for funsies. to tease and bully him. workplace harassment.

childe talking about the abyss he fell into having a giant whale being and him being unable to find it again, i have to think he fell into the primordial sea. i hope the whale beast is a trounce domain. furina story quest 2.

[keef-a-corn]

Dat’s right, People, it’s time for ‘Keef watches TFP and you just get the notes!’

This is for season 1, episode 24: One Shall Rise Part 1

Please reblog or comment on this with your thoughts! I really want to know what your opinion of the episode was!

I write down the timestamps, but I watch Transformers Prime on Stan (an Australian streaming service) so they may be slightly off.

ALSO! I try my best to note points for every character, but tend to get a little caught up by Bee (although I think I do a pretty good job with the notes regardless) so do be warned.

These notes may not be the best as One Shall Rise is a 3 (kinda 4) parter and more than 2 part episodes stress me out.

~~~~Transition~~~~

~recap~

01:01 honestly a good start to an episode of this nature. Like despite having just fought Megatron and being held down, if something so shocking and questionable (as in a very powerful being, from your religion,’s blood is erupting from a planet that had nothing to do with yours, linking your planet and theirs) were to happen, I sincerely doubt anyone would be able to stay in the moment and not get lost in your own thought.

01:07 - Megatron learnt nothing from Optimus? Stab first, then say one-liner. You will find this is true across many media, because as soon as the one-liner is delivered, the opponent is now fully aware of the intention of the one delivering the line. They have enough time to prepare to defend/protect themselves. If they one-liner is delivered after, the opponent will be processing what happened to them. One-liners accompany surprise attacks.

01:12 - See?. Shouldn’t have said the one-liner.

01:16 - Bulkhead’s doing a great job

01:33 - I understand why they chose for Arcee to help Ratchet, but I’m still allowed to question it. Like yeah, Bee’s staying back to accompany Raf (and so he doesn’t try to kill Megatron himself), but it would’ve probably have been quicker and easier if it was Bee who helped Optimus back through, rather than Arcee. Although, I still understand the decision.

01:38 - despite getting punch, Bulkhead’s still holding up very well.

01:42 - what’s actually going on with that position?

01:44 - Megatron pursuing Bulkhead by foot is such a stupid move.

01:53 - Let’s pretend that the ground bridge didn’t close, Megatron can’t cut through it and Bulkhead had already disappeared. What was the plan? He just strike the air and freak ‘em out a bit?

01:57 - gotta appreciate the continuity of Megatron’s face still have the tire marks.

02:13 - I was expecting him to start jumping up and down

~intro~

02:59 - the bridge was already open and then closed.

03:00 - Were they just chilling in the space that makes up the ground bridge tunnel, waiting for it to open again, for so long that Bulkhead and Arcee managed to swap?

03:02 - Ratchet and Bulkhead are so short compared to Optimus that he has to really bend his legs to receive their support.

03:08 - Oh you’ve gotta be kidding me. I’ll be more considerate though, because Ratchet was essentially saying that it was too much, as opposed to just one beam of dark energon.

03:12 - I’m gonna actually bite someone. I hate this so much.

03:15 - The way Bulkhead pushed him down and the way Optimus sat *mwah*

03:20 - pure bean

03:23 - I get that she’s being protective and all because Raf got hurt, but must she be so cruel to the injured pure bean? He wasn’t involved with Raf getting hurt, he did the responsible thing and sent him to the medic, wasn’t involved with any of the decisions in the profession he’s not familiar with + he’s not Raf’s guardian. Now, I’m not one to throw Bumblebee under the bus… but if June were to get angry at anyone, she should get angry at Bee. Bee’s Raf’s guardian and Raf was in his care when it happened.

03:25 - I’m gonna kill her.

03:33 - h-what

03:41 - Why does no one talk about this shot?

03:54 - ~Dark~ energon.

04:00 - I don’t think that’s even remotely close to the boogeyman..

04:01 - There’s something so innocent about the bots not understanding human references.

04:03 - how does that lineup with anything that the humans know about Unicron?

04:26 - NO! What did he say??

04:28 - he’s so cute I can’t-

04:34 - Oh.. oh dear.. Oh Ratchet noooo

04:37 - From everything, doubt they’d even care, or believe you.

04:40 - that too.

04:43 - the way he said June- (J o o n)

04:45 - but he didn’t fail anything! She’s just the ass that directed her anger at the wrong bot.

05:06 - it’s weird hearing her say that considering the statement is so relevant for American students now, so much so that it’s pitiful.

05:33 - NOT JUNE SAYING THAT CHILDREN DON’T HAVE THE FREEDOM OF CHOICE ON EARTH.

05:42 - Not a huge Miko fan… but I get it.

05:45 - I don’t recommend doing what Miko did, but I will say that keep that sort of stuff in mind when you need to discuss a decision with someone like a teacher. They aren’t your parent, they cannot make you do something you don’t want to if you believe you’d benefit more by not doing it. They may have a certain level of power over you, but they get a power check anytime you stand your ground on a decision.

06:01 - this is a parallel to.. the first episode? Where Jack was the one insisting that they leave.

06:08 - on the other end of the stick is that as you get older your relationship to someone should become less of a factor into a personal decision/opinion. Just because their your parent, doesn’t mean they always know what’s best for you.

06:14 - Good on June for not pushing it. She accepted that answer.

06:19 - AAAAA NOOOO

06:26 - Bro chose her pride over convenience.

06:32 - THEY DIDN’T SAY GOODBYE

06:42 - Noooooooooooo

06:43 - not the door wings ;0;

06:44 - it makes it sadder that he was standing alone as he watched the only human that could understand him leave.

06:55 - slight error as Arcee went from behind Bee, to standing at his side, but that will be ignored to laugh at the heights differences.

07:13 - oh man, that reporter, I wonder who voiced him.

07:25 - everyone static for so long is glorious

08:07 - she’s pretty good at dodging the lightening

08:13 - then crashes.

08:52 - this scene takes a long time, but it works well to emphasise that they were in a lot of danger.

09:05 - And enjoyable detail is that Bee opens his doors for a second before transforming.

09:24 - situations like these are reasons why it makes sense that Bee is yellow. It’s a vibrant colour, so it’s an emergency colour.

09:44 - Let’s be honest here, Bee should’ve brought someone with him. Bulkhead, maybe?

10:04 - the only other human to have sat in Bee’s driver’s seat is Jack.

10:09 - running a stop sign, damn.

10:33 - bleeeeh

10:46 - if everyone else wasn’t doing anything why was Bee alone?? No one thought that maybe a rescue mission shouldn’t be just one rescuer??

10:56 - Optimus looking to Ratchet, then smiling (more?) is such a cute detail

10:59 - Bee’s heavy landing after transforming.

11:25 - imagine trying to say that and not sound like someone a bit too into astrology

11:52 - just to be clear, Agent Fowler’s correct.

11:55 - hehe

12:02 - following Ratchet saying ‘by the AllSpark’ Bee reacts by looking at him then giving him a surprised look

12:14 - Don’t understand the point of the focus on Arcee walking in.

12:27 - the way Optimus’s optics shook once he realised.

12:32 - Honestly, I agree with Megatron- it really hurts to listen to.

12:52 - the music tho-

12:57 - This is how I wake up every morning.

13:14 - The writers better have a document explaining how volcanoes produced lava if the Earth didn’t have Magma.

13:19 - husbands theorising

13:28 - Melatonin, blankets and make the room a bit cooler.

13:44 - ooh~ Expedition.

14:35 - hoooo

14:40 - The Elmer Fudd approach I see.

14:50 - AHHH THE WAY HIS FACE MOVES, THE EXPRESSIONS, THE E V E R Y T H I N G

15:03 - Arcee enthusiastically joining the brainstorm session. + don’t look at me with those big ol’ eyes.

15:08 - he announces ‘I awaken’

15:10 - Miko’s expressive story telling. H O- Bulkhead’s expressions.

15:14 - Solemn as it is, I cannot get past the fact that the two shortest of the autobots haven’t thought to move.

15:19 - the double blink to look up hurts considering this is a very effective method to prevent tears.

15:33 - who’s gonna tell him?

15:57 - where did Soundwave come from??

16:20 - Bro really trying to impress his dad.

16:25 - change ‘Unicron’ to God or Jesus and you have the why the priest blesses the Eucharist during mass (delivery included).

17:00 - Fatherless behaviour. I swear every villian recites that speech when they finally meet their more evil father.

17:08 - GOTTEM

17:19 - Your time of the month maybe.

17:25 - NOT THE FORCE OF DESTRUCTION CALLING MEGATRON A WORM.

17:45 - Megatron really trying to force a friendship.

17:54 - and here we have the liar.

18:04 - The liar has been called out.

18:13 - Unicron really went back to bed.

18:26 - Optimus scouting gives off big ‘undercover boss’ energy.

18:56 - I laughed so hard at this that my shoulder hurts

19:09 - oh… no one told him shoulder pads are out of style..

19:19 - Get in line. (I have taken it upon myself to draw up what I imagine the ‘Who wants to destroy Optimus Prime’ sign up sheet would look like:

(WHO WANTS TO DESTROY OP:

1. MEGATRON

2. StArsreAm

3. SKYQUAKE (Quake dies ;^;)

3 4. Ratchet❤️ Joking! K.O.❤️

4 5. Ratchet (the real one) (I miss understood) AYO-

4 5 6. Optimus Prime (Bumblebee saw. I cannot do that to him.)

4 5 6 7. MECH

5 6 7 8. Primus :)

6 7 8 9. St3V3

7 8 9 10. Unicron)

19:43 - didn’t realise until now, but this parallels Sick Mind. An Autobot speaking to an enemy in the enemy’s domain- Curiosity is what compels the enemy to listen.

19:49 - doubling parallel, speaking to increase the safety of others.

20:03 - a species?? Prime needs to be introduced to a dog or something. HAH- introduce him to a Bumblebee.

20:15 - Antisocial people:

20:23 - Dude has magician powers.

20:34 - well it took 13 Primes to put him in a coma. Can’t fault Optimus for being weak.

20:38 - They never learn. Phrase AFTER destruction.

20:43 - Translation: not yet, Dame Fragger.

21:20 - top ten lamest Villian one liners.

-To be Continued-

———————

That was One Shall Rise part 1

THAT WAS ONLY ONE FRAGGIN EPISODE?!

It took me weeks to finish!

For all that it is- it's a very good episode.

Still frustrated about last episode and am very much annoyed by June's behaviour. I love Bee with all my heart, but he was the one in charge of Raf at the time-

[butch-reidentified]

Your lack of self awareness about your own "dysphoria" is causing you to justify an extremely antifeminist industry and those profiting from selling marginalized women self-destruction. You have all the expected comorbidities (OCD/anorexia/body dysmorphia plus unresolved trauma from extreme homophobia) of someone in your position, shared with most female people who seek this surgery, and not someone with an implausible, never validated neurological disorder that coincidentally happens to map precisely onto misogynistic and homophobic ideas of the female body. Your "resolution" of symptoms is dependent on defending your decision and not the actual reality of the results. Your comorbid issues (especially OCD, which your wife is enabling) are obviously still raging through your life no matter what you say. It is a direct insult to every woman who feels violated by what happened to them to claim that not only are you one of the only people on the planet to truly need this surgery but that you read their stories of profoundly woman-hating trauma to convince yourself that you were a uniquely informed and more authentic candidate. P.S. I would "pull up" but I have a job instead of whatever grift you run. Good luck and hope you figure this out before too many other women see you as a role model.

LMAO this is so so amazing thank you. when I tell you this reads like TRA arguments... straight up making things up, projecting, absurdity, and ad hominem bs. delightful!

long post incoming but I am gonna break this down on a micro level bc I haven't talked about these topics in a minute + I'm high and it seems like fun, like a satisfying puzzle, kind of, to break this down into individual parts and address each part. Plus, asks like this provide opportunities to really dive into nuance and detail on several of one's ideas, experiences, and worldviews all in one place, which I've always enjoyed.

I am gonna preface by saying several parts of this are blatantly bad faith, and I am answering more for others to read than for anon. In particular, the claim that I said I am one of the few people who "truly NEED" this surgery. Given you clearly read at least some of my posts on dysphoria, certainly you saw that I repeatedly emphasized that I never have or will view this as a "need." It's also worth noting that most of my posts on this were written quite some time ago, and I don't remember everything I ever wrote on the topic off the top of my head, but I 150% do know myself and what thoughts and feelings I've had and which I've not had on the matter.

ok so first off, I have literally not ever ever even once encouraged anyone to pursue a single elective surgery & have very consistently done the opposite. just because I feel chill about my surgery personally does not mean that I support that industry, actually. in fact, if i knew everything i know about that industry now, I would not get the surgery... but that's a matter of choosing to boycott the industry, not a matter of how i feel personally about my individual experience. how I feel has literally nothing to do with my opinions/beliefs/values. I dont choose how I feel, but I fully choose my moral code.

in fact, my honesty about my story is not supporting that industry in a single way - it simply is not lying. people like you would have me lie to further a narrative rather than be genuine and candid, which puts us on the level with TRAs since that is precisely what they do. it comes down to this: you are asking me to either be silent about (lie by omission) or knowingly misrepresent (outright lie) my experiences because you lack the capacity for nuance to fit them into your narrative without harming the integrity of said narrative. But I don't under any circumstances do that, regardless of whether or not I agree with said narrative (and in this case, I very much do agree). If you cannot work the nuances of my lived experiences into your narrative about gender ideology and transition without it threatening the narrative that's on you; it's entirely possible to do. I'm not going to lie or censor myself just because you're limited in that way.

to be clear, my theory about neurological sex dysphoria is not "implausible;" it is also not something I'm insisting definitely is correct, or I would not call it a theory. And do you even have the qualifications to rule it such, knowing that I am a published neuro/neuropsych researcher (though now retired from that field because I recently found my truest passion)? However, it is not based on absolutely nothing. This answer is already waaay too long, bad habit of mine, but my #ntsd tag includes some posts that elaborate on this. The only thing I am going to specifically say on this matter is that having a processing disconnect (which has literally been visialized on fMRI) that caused my breasts to physically feel like a prosthetic attachment... is not "coincidentally mapping precisely onto misogynistic and homophobic ideas of the female body." This assertion doesn't even make sense in the context of everything I've said previously. I have never believed in the "body mapping" theory of dysphoria that you clearly are referring to by "mapping... onto the female body."

Additionally, I am not sure how you see logic in making this claim when misogynistic ideas of the female body are not known for being devoid of breasts. As I've said in practically every single post on this topic that I've made, I never went through a period of actually wanting to reject womanhood, be perceived socially as not-a-woman, or believing that womanhood and femininity were synonymous. That simply was not my motivation, and as I've said before, pain from chronic cysts was a large part of my decision. Lots of women on here have spoken about how they never went through those period either, yet I'm the only one I've seen get shit for it & get accused of thinking I'm better than other women for it. I never claimed or remotely implied that, and it has never in my life so much as occurred to me as even a hypothetical concept to feel superior about something like that. The only difference between me and most of the women on here who never went through those periods is that I had an elective mastectomy - but I did so while still entirely secure and at peace in my womanhood. Whether you find my truthful experience to be inconvenient or hurtful is entirely on you, not my responsibility to bury my own feelings and my own story for your comfort.

My lack of regret is not remotely "dependent on defending my decision." This is another statement that you would never make in a million years if you'd ever had one single irl conversation with me. I have no hesitation about admitting when I'm wrong. I do it /all/ the time. I don't have a pride issue, so "defending my decisions" is not something that matters to me. Again, you are projecting and you are assigning qualities to me without even the most basic knowledge of me as a person. I have not to date had a single human being on here miss quite this hard in an attempt to come at me. There's a lot about me, like anyone, that's ripe for completely justifiable criticism, and you've somehow managed to select some of the least applicable few assertions about me that you could find. Fact of the matter is I'm not prone to regret in the first place, and even factoring the dysphoria thing out of the conversation entirely, I genuinely like not having the inconvenience of large breasts and not having the pain of constant cysts, which i would still have if I'd gotten a reduction rather than mastectomy.

furthermore, you are making wildly unfounded claims. "lack of self awareness" lmfao this is pure gold. the people that hate me most in the entire world would laugh out loud if you tried to say that about me in front of them. I have plenty of flaws, plenty of areas I need to improve, but self-awareness is not one of those, not something I have ever in my entire life before this ask had a single soul give me constructive feedback about. so thanks for the novel experience, ig 🤷

I literally do not have a single one of the mental health issues you're claiming I do, nor do I have any unhealed trauma at all (and have not in a long time), as I've spoken about in-depth more than once, especially since my first ever Neuropsych research publication was on PTSD and I previously worked as a trauma therapist for patients with comorbid substance use disorders. I have a number of genetic physical health conditions, but my mental health is honestly excellent. Not to say I've just been totally cheerful my entire life, but at this point in my life, I have been healed long enough that it's almost surreal to look back on a time when I wasn't, and I am deeply happy with my career, my marriage, my relationships with my family and friends, my home and my pets, my hobbies... all of it. And I'm incredibly excited for the plans my wife and I have for our future.

The body dysmorphia claim is especially funny to me because one literally cannot possibly be any more neutral and at ease in their relationship with their body than this. I have said it several times on here, but I place as much value on my appearance now as I did when I was 4. Pretty much the only time I consider my appearance at all is to make sure I look professional and sharp for something like a business meeting. I talk about true body neutrality being attainable fairly often specifically because I've experienced it firsthand, so I know it can be done. I have a strict rule against speaking on shit I don't actually know.

but if you think that by reading my tumblr blog, you know my mind better than I do and better than medical professionals, that's just blatantly delusional and peak chronically online behavior. ESPECIALLY as someone who does not know me in any capacity. the audacity to make claims about not only me but also my WIFE, who you know nearly nothing about and does not even use this site.... it's genuinely mind-boggling for you to be running your mouth about some "lack of self awareness" shit given the content and tone of this ask.

same thing with you deciding you are able to speak for "every woman who feels violated by what happened to them." that is lack of self awareness and it is projection. your assertion that I read those women's painful stories of woman-hating trauma before having my surgery "to convince myself that I was a uniquely informed and more authentic candidate" is SUCH bullshit even you have to know you're lying. that comment is so bad faith it's a bit impressive, but mostly just disgusting on your part. I read detrans stories freely shared by both sexes on public platforms, with the specific intention of canceling my planned surgery the second I encountered one single thing I might have in common with those stories in terms of motivation to get the surgery. There is such a massive difference between trying to learn from others' mistakes and using others' trauma to validate your choices. You are lying if you try to act like I wasn't very clear about which one I did. I waited 5 or 6 years from when I learned that this surgery was even a thing to move forward. I waited until my prefrontal cortex was "done cooking" as the internet likes to say. I pursued multiple other treatment options, not one of which was "gender affirming" bc I did not buy into gender ideology back then, either. And I educated myself on the experiences of those who regretted it with the purpose of minimizing my risk of regret by NOT moving forward if I found that I related to any of the motivations that led them to pursue surgery and ultimately regret it. I was not blindly stubbornly committed to surgery; I was always very much open to canceling if it felt right. Yes, having chosen that process of literally informing myself DID make me uniquely informed... that doesn't mean i'm better than anyone else, though. it's just the reality of putting a half decade of work and analysis and thought into a decision that absolutely nobody pressured me into, compared to the pretty common experience of being misled by trans ideology and/or rushing into this surgery. I am very much aware that I'm not special or superior just because I am flat out lucky enough to have not had anyone trying to manipulate, mislead, rush, or pressure me to get surgery, and insanely lucky to have not had pain or complications from it. And yes, despite my unconventional path to surgery, I also know I am very lucky to not regret it. All the more reasons I don't promote it.

you have constructed an image of me, my wife, and my daily life in your mind based on reading my blog and absolutely nothing more than that. even if you are engaging negatively with that image, criticizing it/me, etc., this is a parasocial engagement by definition.

The above is exactly what you have done. Parasocial interactions don't have to be positive. You are deluding yourself if you truly, genuinely believe you have the remotest understanding of who I am or how I live.

out of curiosity, did you intentionally fail to mention that I had medical reasons for my mastectomy in addition to dysphoria? or did you just conveniently forget about that despite how frequently I've talked about it?

as an afterthought: the implication that unlike you, I don't have a job is fucking golden given that you've clearly been reading a LOT of my posts and I don't believe for one second that you simply missed all the posts where I've talked about the fact that we bought our own home at 24, the fact that my wife and I own our own business, and the extra shit I do just because. but if you like, we can compare our records of how much time per day and week spent on social media 💀

thank you for this ❤️❤️❤️

[vyvesvi]

(copying this over from my twitter)

pd101 japan s3 mdh steal list + where i want various trainees to go

yoshida hana would do well at starship

yamazaki mitsuki will probably quit music but in my head she could be in a ninemuses-esque group with ando chiharu, koyama mana, tanaka yuuki

i follow a talent scout/trainer who's actively trying to get moro anon a kpop job so

motohashi meika mdh steal list first inductee

i dont care for mizukami rimika. she should start a yt channel if she hasn't already

matsushita miyu isn't for me but maybe she could join the ninemuses reup

fujimoto ayaka was well-liked enough to have a future somewhere. idk where, but somewhere

hatta mena has some issues but i do think she can still debut somewhere

i have no idea where nakano kokona can go but that's baby sister so i want good things for her. maybe the chanmina show? that's the only japanese survival show in the works that i can think of, plus she suits the vibe

i was convinced that takahashi hina and abe nagomi were gonna be 12 & 13 and be frontrunners for the lapone spin off group but they usually dont bother with people who don't make the finale...my non fact based opinion is that a group with these two and a couple others who were eliminated would still do better than a group of the finalists. as it stands, hina should try for the next korean season of pd101, and nagomi will have a future in jpop, even though the idea of splitting them hurts my head.

i loved takagi mayu but her brief foray into the entertainment world is over i fear

sutani yurara would probably hate it conceptually but im zapping her with my ninemuses ray. sorry.

i don't know what to do with sasaki tsukushi but she needs a win and bad. chanmina show? if keiko and rinon weren't fighting for top 11 id say debut them as a trio, i enjoyed their team's balance on bijin a lot

saito serina...i really like her but idk what to do with her. she has great idol potential and fits kbeauty standards more than jpop standards...maybe the next korean season of produce? she's like 45% mdh steal list but that's my bias talking

kano kurihara ninemuses beam

i kind of love kitazume sakura, she's cute but extremely intense & she tries to hide it by simply not saying anything but it still shines through. i think she's great. produce 101 korea just to see, she shouts instead of sings but honestly she gives izone

kikukawa aki...she's fun but she gives flop group, like majors or something tbh

no idea how nogizaka works but kawabata ranka should aim for something like that

kamio ayano reminds me so much of zhang zining it's crazy. if she had a storyline i think she would've debuted but she just never caught on. she would be a great gg member but im not sure where

oda aruha my beloved disappointment. if she had held on a lil longer she couldnt made lapone trainee status but alas. i could see her just working in dance moving forward

okabe nana could be scouted by someone, maybe akb idk

uchiyama rin might not have a future in music but it's kind of a shame since she has such a nice lower register

ando yui my little sister...idk what to do with her so im gonna blindly put her in mdh jpn ngg and say it makes sense because having 2 yui's would be cute

aramaki joa's push was too obvious and she paid the price, but there's no way she's not being kept on as a lapone trainee or getting offers, finals or not. i actually think her vibe sort of suits tripleS although im not expecting anyone from this show to join

i quite liked akiyama ema, something about her reminded me of jihyo but she never fully caught the audience's attention so unfortunately she might just dance from here on out

to be very real i hope suzu fans dont panic vote her into the top 11. she definitely has a future at lapone.

honestly some company is gonna take half the finalists and throw them in a group together regardless of fit so given they dont make top 11 but disregarding that...

sorry i want shizuku to go back to opera

momoka should go on chanmina's show and then transition into an iri copy, she'd actually do sooooo well with that but if she wants a gg...my ninemuses team is only at 7 rn

haruka will get an offer somewhere

koto & rio lapone, kagura too but i want her for the gg im building in my head

in sum:

discount nine muses: yamazaki mitsuki, ando chiharu, koyama mana, tanaka yuuki, sutani yurara, kurihara kano, kamio ayano, kenmotsu nano, kato kagura

mdh: motohashi meika

sorta mdh but not really: saito serina, ando yui, aramaki joa

final top 11 in my brain: momona, miu, rinon, ran ayane, tsuzumi, kokona, kokoro, rin, keiko, and rino (im delusional)

[mumms-the-word]

All Tavs - 19 and 28!

Oh you picked some interesting ones! Thanks for the ask!!

19: How do you think they'll meet their end?

Dani probably likes to pretend she'll live forever, but she also knows there's a high chance she'll die doing some stupid heist or adventure. She's willing to take risks all the time, so one day it's bound to catch up with her. She's not that afraid of dying...but she hates to think about all the people who will be sad when she's gone.

Ardynn expects to die of old age, but something about that upsets her too. She's going to grow old faster than Halsin, and a small, petty, insecure part of her hopes that she'll die before she gets too old, wrinkly, and frail so that Halsin won't have to remember her like that. If she doesn't die of old age, she's likely to die in a hunting accident, or defending the Reclaimed Lands from threats.

Freyr has two routes: If he becomes the Chosen of Bhaal, then he intends to be the Last Soul on Toril and then end his own life in service to Bhaal once all the rest of life is extinguished. But if he resists, he expects that he'll meet his end in battle. He plans on helping Minthara take over Menzoberranzan and Baldur's Gate and all of the Sword Coast. He wants to see that empire come into being, but he knows the chances of him dying in battle are much more likely than him living to see that empire play out. As long as he goes before Minthara does, though, he doesn't care.

28: Is your character the de facto leader of the party? Or do they consider someone else to be the leader?

Dani is the de facto leader simply because she's the one who is willing to make decisions. This usually is because she's just gonna do what she's gonna do, and everyone else just kind of shrugs and follows along, but she ends up really enjoying the role of leader. It gives her a way of protecting her people, and that, if nothing else, teaches her how to be a better and better leader.

Ardynn hates that she's the leader. She's the most non-leader out of all my Tavs/Durges. If it were up to her, she'd be following after Halsin, or Lae'zel, or even Shadowheart. But everyone looks at her to make decisions, so she bites the metaphorical bullet and does so (but only after asking everyone's opinion and then inevitably going to Halsin for advice).

Freyr is the de facto leader because he's the biggest guy in the room. He's also a trained soldier and a battle strategist (even though I made him an Eldritch Knight for the Durge vibes, I really should have made him a Battlemaster, but he's a mix of both). Buuut...he doesn't mind taking a backseat to let smarter heads take over. His friend Seraphine (played by @elspethdekarios, she's a necromancer wizard) and his beloved Minthara tend to take over in conversations while he stands in the background, ready to smack things if the discussion goes sideways. Honestly, he's at his worst when he's the de facto leader, because he stops listening to others and rushes straight into the clutches of Bhaal. But when he stops and listens to his friends/lover, there's a part of him that can be...well, maybe not fully redeemed, but at least convinced to be a man independent of Bhaal.

Excellent questions! These are fun <3

[howlofhades]

It's not gonna be structured, I'm just gonna roll switching from oc to oc.

I feel like Barks would never sleep at night because he would just think about all the brothers he couldn’t save after every mission. But even when he sleeps willingly it doesn't last long.

If Bear were to ever get in a relationship he could never sleep after an argument, he won't sleep until everything has been settled.

Storm probably has the most tattoos out of all my clones, but they all happen to be dedicated to the brothers he's lost. He almost got one dedicated to Barks.

Put Skunker and Barks in a room, and I can assure you that Skunker is leaving with a dislocation (Barks didn't do it.)

Bear drinks enough caf to probably kill a person, but he'd deny it. "This is my first cup today." I can confirm that would be a lie, he's probably drunk two, maybe three.

Erix has a bullet in a necklace given by Skunker the first time they met, the other Skunker jokingly said "Next time you annoy me this is gonna go in your forehead" and Erix kept it just to annoy him.

Bear would give droids pronouns I think

Storm will literally hit Barks for no reason and when Barks hits back, Storm screams for Rex

Barks will try to explode you with his mind if you annoy him

Barks: "snapping my back like a glow stick would solve all my problems."

Storm absolutely FACEPLANTED the first time he stepped off a gunship for the first time. Nobody let's him live it down. The next time he did it was in front of Anakin

Erix will do something, blame Storm and boom Barks and Storm argue. He loves it.

Erix cusses like a sailor

Skunker admires Barks and Rex for putting up with the chaos

Skunker bombards waxer, boil and wooley with jokes

Bear bites off more than he can chew

Now some incorrect quotes:

Barks: I hope no one lowkey hates me.

Barks: Highkey hate me. Hate me with every fiber of your being.

Barks: Go big or go home.

-

Barks: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

-

Barks: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

-

Barks: I'm so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. And I want to be set loose.

-

Storm: I was put on this earth to do one thing.

Storm: Luckily I forgot what it was so I can do whatever I want.

-

Storm: Is this a good idea?

Storm: Probably not.

Storm: Do I care?

Storm: No.

-

Erix: I'm a firm believer in "if you're going to fail, you might as well fail spectacularly."

-

Storm: I didn’t even realize how sarcastic I was being. It’s starting to become a problem, I think.

-

Erix: Barks, gather the others. We need to have another Storm -is-doing-something-stupid-again-and-we-have-to-stop-them-before-they-hurt-someone convention.

-

Barks: I’m not a doctor I’m a medic.

Erix: What’s the difference then?

Barks: Well doctors actually save lives, medics just make you feel more comfortable as you die.

Storm: Note to self; never get shot.

-

Barks: Life keeps fucking me and I can't remember the safeword.

-

Barks: My expectations are low, but they can always go lower.

-

Barks: My knee just cracked so loudly that I half expect it to glow in the dark tonight.

-

Erix: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?

Barks, turning to Storm: How tall are you?

-

Storm: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life.

Barks: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Storm: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Erix: Edible.

-

Erix: What if mayonnaise came in cans?

Storm: Well, that would such because you can't microwave metal.

Barks: Good morning to everyone except these two people.

-

Erix: Pros and cons of dating me.

Erix: Pros. You'll be the cute one.

Erix: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

-

Phoenix: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

-

Phoenix: God has let me live another day and I'm going to make it everyone's problem.

-

Lazarus: I’m gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.

-

Lazarus, writing in their diary with a glitter gel pen: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There's blood on my hands.