#i generally dont mind my body otherwise but this is something i want GONE

[flutteringfable]

if i wasn’t deathly afraid of hospitals i would take the first opportunity to get rid of my uterus the moment it happened but unfortunately i am deathly afraid of hospitals so.

[alegzandryan]

Prepping for a Ritual

So since I am doing these things as we speak I thought I would go through some ritual things that I find useful, for anyone that feels overwhelmed or unprepared for ritual work. I know tumblr and tiktok have pushed a lot of easy jar spells on us, but there really is something more to a ritual setting, even a simple one. And as it goes without saying, this is my personal idea of a guide and everyone is entitled to their own opinion and practice.

Get your supplies ready the day before the ritual. ESPECIALLY if you are going outside/somewhere outside your home. Collect all the things you will need and put them together. This will give you a day to remember all the things you forgot before it's time, instead of in the middle of your ritual

Choose what you are going to wear the day before, too. Some people take aesthetic very seriously but others dont. Either way, give some thought to what you are wearing. Is that crystal necklace good for what you are doing? Are those pants comfortable enough to sit for 30 minutes in? Comfortability is just as important as presentation for ritual, so dont wear that corset that hurts you after 15 minutes. You will need to focus on more important things.

Foot wear is also super underrated. Are you hiking 10 minutes into the forest to find a ritual spot? Wear boots. Are you in your house and want to go barefoot? Make absolutely sure you are not going to step on a ritual tool and make yourself bleed, or curse to some gods about the existence of legos in the middle of your ritual

Make some stuff for a cleansing/power bath. I usually assemble ingredients and things day before, then go to bed, and do a quick ritual bath before the actual ritual. Steep a hair rinse or charm a fancy body wash before hand so you dont have to focus on that spell, too.

Do a tarot reading/your preferred divination, before bed the day before you do a ritual. It can be quick or extensive, it doesnt matter. But it can be good to get some guidance before you are gearing up for a spell or ritual, and have some time to think about it before you are minutes away from it.

Prepare food and water, once again especially if you are going outside. Rituals can take a lot out of you depending on what you are doing, and food and drink are very easy and quick ways to help ground yourself if you are shaky or need help coming back to a relaxed state. If you are struggling, boiling pasta or microwaving stuff is the last thing on your mind, or maybe even your ability. So have some fruit snacks or granola bars or cookies or something-- easy to take and easy to eat-- with you. Trust me, this is more important than a lot of people realize. It's a good after-ritual practice and one you should be ready for

Think about your intent and purpose. Set aside some time day-before to do this, maybe 30 min to 1 hr I would say. Maybe make an entry in your BOS if you are the journaling type. This serves 2 functions: one is to charge your intent before the spell. It will give you more oomph and precision in your spell casting, or more prepared behavior if you are speaking to gods. Think about what you want to ask them, what you want them to know, how much respect you should give them, or what they may ask of you. What are you willing to do for them, and what are you not?

The second function is that it gives you time to back out of something. Not all spells are meant to be cast, and especially not if you are in a high emotion before it. Give yourself a day to prepare, an hour to think over, why am I doing this? SHOULD I be doing this even? There is nothing wrong with changing your mind. Doing things impulsively in magic isn't typically beneficial to the caster most of the time. Think through potential consequences, too. How could it back fire? How could it go right but in the wrong way? Is there a better way to get what you want? Can you add a caveat, or a time limit on the spell? Are you using parts of a closed practice and not really thought about it before now?

If you are doing spell work in the out-of-your-house-space-land, even if it is just like, in your appartment parking lot, the park down the street or even your own backyard, make sure someone somewhere knows about it. I know not everyone is out of the broom closet, but even if you just have to tell your friends you are stargazing or something, make sure SOMEONE knows and has a check in time for you. There are creeps and terrible people everywhere, and not to spook anybody, but doing magic can often attract animals or any assortment of beings who want to watch/investigate you. I have been given a heart attack by a baby antelope at dawn before. I have also been given a heart attack by a forest spirit asking wtf I was doing there. I know it doesnt exactly feel witchy to have your cellphone crammed in your waistband, but trust me, better safe than sorry. Be it humans or otherwise, doing magic in the dark in total secret is just not realistic to your safety. Take someone with you and have them wait in the car or around the corner if you can. Once again, make sure someone, somewhere, has a set time to call or come get you in, incase you get kidnapped or fae-napped. Your wellbeing is a much higher priority than any magic spell.

Also familiarize yourself with nearby wildlife. Even if you are in the city, check out what raccoon eyes look like in flashlight, or maybe if your suburb is prone to stray cats or dogs. Check out a rabies registry as well, so you know what kind of risk you are looking at around such animals. Rabid animals are actually more prone to being unafraid of human contact and will readily let a person touch them. Do NOT interact with wild animals. No, they are not a sign or a gift from your god. Most animals are curious about magic in general, but that doesnt make them not wild. Do not interact. If you are in a less populated space, you should also check out what kind of wild life is native to your area and how dangerous they are. Deer will startle themselves into you like getting hit by a BMW and bears and cougars can be active day or night, as well as Bobcats, snakes, or coyotes. Check out your local wildlife center for advice on how to handle what lives in your area

(Last outdoors advice, I promise) also check out what kind of myths and legends existed on the land you are on, ESPECIALLY if you live in north america. Knowing who's land you are on should be important to your practice anyway, and knowing what kind of creatures may be out there may save you some distress later. Indigenous cultures should be respected, and their tales can tell you what's around your area. And I dont care where the hell you live, if you hear whistling in the darkness/forests, it is one of several things coming to get you and none of them are good. Get gone and DONT whistle back. Or at all. No whistling guys. Bad.

For indoor rituals, make sure you wont be disturbed. Much like meditation, rituals are very dependent on focus and intent. Interruptions can mess with your outcome.

More indoor advice, checkout your lighting and ventilation well before you do your ritual. For instance, my altar is in a walk in closet-- there is no way in hell I am burning 4 candles and an incense in that room. I would have to do it in my living room or bedroom where there are windows, or find a way to eliminate the candles. Is the room dark enough to fit your ritual? Is it light enough that you can read your notes? (also make notes/write up a copy of the spell, it helps so much) Make sure you have enough light to see what you are doing properly.

I am a big advocate of "do not over cleanse your life, stop over cleansing" however, if that is something you do a lot of, make sure all your tools and whatnot are cleansed and prepared day before. You can shave a 2hr ritual down to 30 min if you get all of your prep work done day before, which is nice. And it once again gives you time to say "shit I forgot that one thing I need to cleanse" an hour later and still not interrupt your ritual because it is day before.

If you are an of-legal-age type person and doing some drug/alcohol part of your magic, make double sure you have food, water, and a buddy system. You may not need a designated driver if you aren't going out of your house, but you still need a designated sober person to make sure you dont like, astral travel out of your body and get replaced with a pod person, or get hurt trying to cast a circle with a ritual knife while high. Know your limits well before you use them in ritual and, I cannot emphasize this enough, have a friend to keep you under scrutiny incase something goes wrong and you need help.

If you are having the OTHER kind of must-be-of-age type of ritual, be sure your partner is well informed. Maybe have a dress rehearsal so you are both on the same page about mechanics and consent. Speed run through the general timing and motions, and talk about what each of you expect to get out of the ritual. Is it for bonding? Or are you using the energy to try to charge something? Is it for fertility? Are you both good to have ritualized sex (I know that seems like an obvious question, but you would be surprised by how many partners clam up about sexual things to try to not disappoint their partner). If you are a witch and your partner is not, be sure they know what to expect, and that they 100% want to do it even though it's not necessarily their practice and not just to be a people pleaser. If you havent done anything like this before either, tell them that, too. Honestly is 100% required here

And lastly, keep your cool. It's easy to get over excited or over anxious about this kind of thing, but honestly with a little prep time you have a high change of doing awesome. And even if you dont? That's okay too. Everyone makes mistakes, we all learn from those mistakes, and every single experience you acquire will level you up until you are the best at being you. Do what feels right, trust your gut, do some reading, and keep calm and witchy on.

[insanityconflict]

Ok so no one else will talk about this and ur the only one I've seen that hasn't just paired Hank off with 2b just bc dei n San are already together in their hcs- (I love me some 2bhank don't get me wrong, but I feel like that's wasting so much potential for this characters, ESPECIALLY 2b who I only ever see in content bc it's 2bhank content, and is rarely explored outside of that. And like- they never do Hank learning how to care for others either- dhsjs-) BUT I saw ur 2bford post and Ive been thinking, bc for ur thing to happen dei has to- well- die, and they're comforting eachother because there's literally NO other person that's an option for human comfort, so their kinda pushed into that otherwise they'll spiral, but then I realized that even when the others are alive 2b will kinda instinctively turn to San for comfort anyways, (much like dei does-) Deimos death or no. I find it that dei will want to TRY to comfort 2b, but generally is used to using humor to ease situations, and humor doesn't feel like it'd help the type of person that 2b is, so I feel like sans mom friend personality will spark up him comforting 2b during a night where 2b refuses to sleep or something. (Which this time, UNLIKE dei who I feel like would be the one to go to Sanford first, for like hugs n shit.) I just love ur post bc it opened my eyes to the potential of these characters outside of just throwing two together and not regarding canon, slapping a sugar coating on their trust and personalities that makes em softer. I love LOVE those fics and their great, but there isn't enough where people actually explore the canon personalities, and try to make it work and make sense anyways, even with all the setbacks. Anyways ily have a great day <3

blinks. holy shit. NBMASNGBASG??? THANK YOU?? im glad im able to open up a lot of people's minds to a more canon approach to their relationships. yeah, i love me some 2bhank too, but in all honesty i just dont see it working out at all. sure, there can be attempts, but hank's never going to be the relationship kind of person. at least not long-term. im a person that has the idea of them being together at some point, but splitting up because their differences and own personal problems got in the way of everything. because of this, they're still on edge with each other, and i want to make that apparent.

but i also dont want hank to be a mindless asshole, yknow? he actually goes through serious character development throughout the series, and it shows!! he may start out like a machine built just for murder, but if you look at hank from, say, a project nexus standpoint and then compare it to the time he saves sanford's ass in mc10? he's gone from being able to kill his own teammates to get what he wants to realizing that he's actually formed an attachment, and that having someoen by his side can make things so much easier in the long run. sure, he's still a bastard, but that doesn't mean he refuses to show a softer side to himself.

what i like about madness combat as a whole is that there's so much character in each individual frame alone for us to pick apart and analyze. you can tell that when sanford sees deimos' dead body for the first time that he's actually upset, but he doesn't have the time to grieve or mourn because hey, something is actively trying to kill him too. it makes you think about what would have happened if he DID have that time. or what happens after things slow down, if they ever do.

even with doc's short screen time, you can tell he's a cranky individual. but if you were to look into mpn2's arena mode storyline (yes, im bringing this up because it's actually interesting), he has SO much more personality. he's crazy fucking smart, and he doesn't take any bullshit. hell he runs a bunch of vampires over with a car and brushes it off like it was nothing. he's a badass and no one would be able to tell unless they looked to madcom's other medias, at least until the next episode drops.

my point is that it's worth doing the character studies. yeah, you can craft your own world where things are completely different and everyone's happy with each other, and that's completely fine!! i just like a more realistic approach to canon, and i do my research to make sure i'm getting things right. it's worth it in the long run because i have so much to work with, and a lot of personality i can develop in the characters themselves. it makes for a great story if you know what to do with it.

this was long, sorry, but i enjoy talking about these things. i LOVE seeing other people's headcannons and aus, especially where things get better, but then i look at mine and get so sad because things are just so fucked up there JHBSAMGDABMASDG but hey!! madness in general is fucked up if you know where to look. i'm a kind of person that loves crafting theories so the more deep and disturbing lore really gets the old rusty gears turning ;)

[justice4harwin]

Light’s Corruption- Chapter V

Pairing: The DarklingxAlina

Summary:With few friends at the Little Palace, Alina must work to win the favour of her fellow grisha and their commander, who makes her feel light headed every time she sees him.

After training in Os Alta for two years, the king grows tired of waiting and demands the Sun Summoner joins a western post near the Fjerdan border along with the rest of The Second Army to test her abilities.

Something happens. Suddenly, Alina wants blood to run down the rivers and those who stand in her and The Darkling’s way will be blinded by her light and swallowed by his shadows.

It won’t be pretty

Rating: 18+

Click here for chapter 4

As usual, tags are in the comments. If you dont wanna be tagged, dont be afraid to let me know. If you wanna be tagged, let me know too. I dont bite...anymore lmao

Chapter 5: Heartrenders

Days went by, and they turned into weeks. The leaves fell off the trees, a crunchy sea of red, orange, yellow and brown, and Alina wanted to pile them all on and throw herself inside.

She'd do it the first chance she got, but for that she had to beat the gardeners before they took the piles and burnt them to depressing ashes.

She talked to Michail some more during they rounds around the lake and had her rematch with Natasha.

She lost. Again. She laughed it off. Again. Natasha said she hadn't been so easy to defeat that second time, to which Alina smiled almost genuinely. Progress.

Baghra refused to see her still, and Alina was too proud to go back to her, so she tried to practice on her own. She'd hide away on the far sides of the gardens where the other grisha rarely went to and try to gain more control. It was a slow process; the temptation to let her power run free and vast was always there and trying to tame that always left her exhausted. She had no trouble falling asleep, yet each day the bags underneath her eyes seemed to deepen, as did her appetite. Alina was pretty sure that summoning should be for the better, but more than once, she had thoroughly considered laying down on the cold grass and take a nap there instead of walking all the way back to the Little Palace.

The General wasn't back yet, and much to Alina's confusion, frustration and shame, she worried. Maybe that too had something to do with the bags underneath her eyes. She tended to dream of him in all kinds of scenarios, each less pleasant than the last. It made her wake up sweaty and choking for air.

More than once, she almost wrote to him, only if just to make sure he was alright. But he had to be. Otherwise, word would've spread quickly…right?

She always talked herself out of it though. His presence was missed, her mind was making up all kind of tricks to make her reach out to him like a pathetic girl begging for attention.

The thought reminded her of Baghra's opinion of her, which only strengthened her resolve to not write to him.

She had had enough of begging, enough of getting scrapes of affection from a man who hadn't even bother to write once; she wouldn't do it again, no matter how much her heart tried to pull her to him.

But then her eyes would drift back to the black, shadow rose that laid on her nightstand, the little bit of gold on its inside long dead, and her heart would race and some form of reassurance would fall gently over her, like a blanket shielding her body.

She'd reach out and take it in her hands. It had no thorns. Her fingers would run through its petals, as soft as those of a real rose, but with something deeper in there. There was something more alive inside that rose than in any flower in all of Ravka; it was deep, powerful, and dark. It scared and alluded to her in the same measure, and she'd stare at it fascinated for an unfathomable long time.

She wondered if The Darkling could feel her caressing his shadows; and how he'd feel about it.

Besides Michail and Natasha, Alina didn’t seem to be progressing very much. They exchanged niceties and some jokes, even paired up during training, but there was not much more to it.

She told herself to be patient. These things took time.

One early afternoon, Genya showed up on her room unannounced. Alina hurried to hide her rose inside her nightstand; she wasn't sure why, but she wanted it to be her little secret.

"The Queen just left Os Alta." the redhead smiled. "As did the king. They'll be gone for two days on a hunting trip."

"A hunting trip?"

"Yes, where they kill animals for the fun of it. Like one of those brutish size competitions men seem to like so much."

Alina snorted.

"So?"

"So…"there was a gleam to her friend's eyes, and the summoner leaned back and frowned slightly, almost scared. "I could sneak you into the Grand Palace and into Her Royal Bitch's wardrobe."

"We'll get in trouble, Gen."

"Oh, please; have some faith in me." she placed her elbows on the desk and her chin atop of her hands, almost looking angelic. "Do you really think I'd get you in trouble?"

"Yes."

"Well, then you're wrong." she straightened up and tugged on Alina's arm. "C'mon; there's so many gowns and habits: she rarely wears them twice. We're not stealing; no one will know."

"How many gowns?" she asked, genuinely curious. She had seen the queen on two official occasions, the first time when she arrived from the camps near Kribirsk, and the second when she was invited to her ridiculous tea parade. Still, she had seen her in passing a few times as she strolled the grounds. A part of Alina felt ashamed of the jealousy she felt upon seeing her beautiful clothes and jewels.

There she was, living in a palace, wearing a kefta and being pampered, yet she dared to want more.

"Hundreds!" the Tailor whispered excitedly. "And they'll look much better on us anyway."

She gave in a little to temptation. They would just try them on and leave them again. No one would know, and maybe she'd be satisfied then.

"Alright, alright. But we better not get caught."

"Don't worry, we won't."

They left the bedroom and ran down the stairs, Genya holding onto the blue sleeve of her friend as she rambled about all the different fabrics and patterns and accessories while Alina tried to keep up with her, listening to every word while watching her step. The last thing she needed was to trip down the stairs.

That'd be a sad way to go for her.

"You'll love it. I promise!" Genya turned to give her a smile, but Alina's eyes drifted to the looming figure appearing in her line of vision.

The Darkling walked into the Little Palace accompanied by Ivan, Fedyor and a third heartrender.

It was a woman, a little bit older than Alina probably, but only for a few years. She was tall, with long, brown hair cascading down her back. Her kefta, which hugged her rounded figure nicely, gave her away as a fellow heartrender.

The Darkling noticed them approaching. Alina tried to search something in his eyes, anything that gave away any sort of emotion that could cause in him to see her again, but she saw nothing but his usual coolness.

The Summoner and the Tailor came to a stop and bowed.

"Moi Soverennyi." they bowed respectfully.

"Miss Starkov, Miss Safin; it has been some time." he looked from one to the other. "May I inquire as to your present activities?"

"Nothing we're not supposed to do." Alina spat out, earning herself a dainty elbow to the ribs.

General Kirigan rose an eyebrow.

"I see. See to it that it stays that way."

"Of course, sir." spoke Genya, serious all of a sudden.

The man turned and contemplated the strange woman for a moment, then gestured at Alina with a gloved hand.

"This is Alina Starkov, our Sun Summoner." he looked at her, those pools of grey catching her breath. "Miss Starkov, may I introduce you to Nina Zenik. She is one of my best agents and has just recently returned from an assignment in Shu Han."

The woman's green eyes settled on Alina, taking her in. Something glittered in there.

"So, she is real after all."

"Would I lie to you?" was The Darkling's reply.

"You forgot to mention how pretty she is." Nina ignored him, taking a long, stealth step towards her and catching a tendril of Alina's dark hair in her fingers.

"Um, it's a pleasure to meet you." The Sun Summoner managed to say, nervous under the woman scrutiny.

"Oh, a pleasure indeed, sun bean." Nina smiled, amusement shining in her eyes as Alina's face heated up. "I can't wait to make your acquaintance."

Before Alina could even think of an answer -for the woman's pretty eyes were too distracting- The Darkling cleared his throat.

"Not for some time, I am afraid." he said. Alina finally turned her gaze to him. There was something dark and intense in the way he was staring at Nina's back, his jaw tense. "Miss Starkov has quite the busy schedule."

Alina felt Genya tensing beside her. Nina's eyes slid momentarily, as if she could see The Darkling behind her, and nodded, winking at her before receding.

"Certainly. I can only imagine." she turned a charming smile on him. "Should we discuss my mission in private?"

"Of course." he answered almost, almost too quickly. He made a gesture for her to go in first.

"See you around, sun bean."

Alina choked on her own saliva as she struggled to say her farewell.

Ivan left with them without even glancing in their direction; Fedyor was kind enough to give them each a courteous smile.

Genya was giggling like an idiot.

"Shut up."

Now she was laughing. 

During their training one day, Alina decided to pair up with her. Many grisha gave her a myriad of odd looks, and for a moment, Alina feared she might be about to face another Zoya.

Nina seemed to not to notice them and beckoned her forward.

People seemed to like Nina, Alina observed. The woman had charm and wit; the Sun Summoner really had to try to not get jealous of those traits. She reminded herself that Nina had been at the Little Palace for years, not one season and a half.

They circled each other, taking their measures.

Alina didn't want to be the one to strike first. That always had seemed to go wrong thus far, so she waited.

The heartrender went to the left, so Alina turned, only to be tricked as she received a blow on her right. She winced and stood back, more alert. She didn't want to make a ridicule again.

"You're small and skinny." the heartrender whispered. Alina arched an eyebrow. "I'm bigger and stronger, so your best option is to tire me out."

"I'm not exactly the fastest person."

Nina threw a punch and, luckily, Alina blocked it successfully.

She shook her head.

"Speed and resistance don't need to go hand in hand."

Alina didn't dare to look around to see if anyone else could hear them. She hoped not. Botkin would most certainly disapprove of his students giving each other advice on how to defeat them.

So, with Nina's words in mind, Alina did her best to block and recede. She tried, mostly unsuccessfully, to punch and kick, and received a wince and an "ouch" as Nina rubbed her calf.

The Summoner could feel everyone still watching, Marie and Nadia cheering her on; Sergei and Michail more reserved since she was fighting a fellow red sporter.

Then, Alina caught a glimpse. It was a second, and before she even knew it, she was taking a chance.

Nina was placing her foot down, twisting it as if to test it, and the next she was laying on her back, Alina having all but hurled herself at the woman, grabbing her middle section with all her strength and pushing.

They landed on the ground, and in the disbelief, the Summoner almost forgot to fully immobilize her opponent the way Botkin had taught her.

"You know," Nina gasped, the breath having abandoned her lungs. "There's better ways to get on top of me, sun bean, but if you like it rough-"

Alina blushed in embarrassment, both for having potentially hurt her and for the path those words were leading to.

"Are you alright?" she interrupted hurriedly. "Did I hurt you?"

Nina tried to laugh and cried instead.

"Shit, sun bean. You do have some strength in that tiny body after all."

"Alright!" Botkin clapped his hands twice, coming over toward them. "The little girl wins again, …finally."

Alina was almost offended. At least Marie and Nadia were cheering, as were some others Etherealki. She noticed Sergei and Michail exchanging some coins and scowled.

"Healer." she called, and one hurried to Nina's side.

"It's just a broken rib." the woman said, setting herself to work.

Nina raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I'm impressed, sun bean. I didn't actually think you'd win."

Alina found a new hiding spot where to practice her summoning. It was a most secluded corner, surrounded by old trees, an unkept stone bench and a dirty sculpture of a woman.

She really wanted to be offended.

With eyes wide, she forgot all about her practice, raced and jumped in, laughing childishly to herself.

She looked up and took in the warmth of the sun with pleasure, her face basking in it as her hands ran through leaves and sticks. It was actually a little uncomfortable, but fun.

She almost wished she could sink in and stay there forever, with the sun warming her body and the crunchy leaves all around her.

There was a big pile of leaves.

"Did you fall?"

A shadow took the light from her face, and she found The Darkling standing over her, looking down with something akin to curiosity.

"No. I just jumped."

"Into a pile of dirt?"

"It's not dirt. Besides, it's fun!" she extended a hand. "Wanna try?"

He huffed. Her cheeks heated up. She should've known better.

He took her hand and pulled her up, the mere contact making everything about him feel more intense as usual.

She held onto him.

"How did you find me?"

"You are my Sun Summoner; did you really think I would let you wander about the palace grounds unguarded?"

"Do you have me followed?" she had never noticed.

"For your safety."

"I thought this was the safest place in all of Ravka."

"I am not taking any chances with you, Alina." he replied, eyes guarded, face soft.

"Well, I've never noticed them."

"It means they are doing a good job. I would not want you to live scared, looking over your shoulder all the time."

"I might as well start now that I know."

He opened his mouth and then closed it, thumb rubbing the back of her hand. Alina wondered if he noticed what he was doing.

"You are right." he stepped closer, pulling a leaf off her hair. "But you need not fear, especially while I am on the palace grounds."

"Because not even the dumbest drüskelle would dare to cross paths with you?"

"Nor would the boldest noble."

Alina frowned. The nobles of Os Alta?

She nodded slowly.

"I have scared you." he stated, studying her face. "I apologize."

"No, no." she let go of his hand. "You just made me wearier."

"That is just how life at court is." he offered, not unkindly. "This is not just an army sometimes, especially for you and I."

Alina looked at him, questioning.

"There is no one else like us, Alina." he said, approaching her once more. The calmness, the facts were gone, replaced by a fire she wanted to step into. The vehemence in his voice made her shiver and want to take refuge in his cloak. "There never will be."

She thought about it. What exactly did he mean by that?

He reached out again and plucked another leaf from her hair, then took her face in his hands. She tilted her head up, desperate for a look into those eyes.

Her heart drummed on her ribcage, wanting to break free.

"I-" words failed her as he studied her face, like she was something unique he wanted to memorize.

His thumb ran over her lips, and she exhaled heavily at the feel.

"I forgot what I came here to tell you." he whispered in confidence, his eyes on her parted lips.

"I don't care."

One of his hands left her face and wrapped around her waist, pressing her against his hard chest. Alina almost gasped, hands coming up to rest on his shoulders. He pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, hiding the conflict she had briefly witnessed there.

Alina made a choice.

She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.

He reciprocated immediately, holding her tighter and pushing his tongue inside her mouth, demanding a dominance she was more than willing to give him.

She had been kissed, but never like this. It was a first kiss that felt like the last; its intensity so beautifully crushing and chaotic. It was like he was a missing part of her, long searched for and finally found. It was like she was the most precious, addictive treasure, something to be cherished and corrupted at the same time.

Alina was willing to let him do as he wanted with her.

Her hands pulled at his hair, earning a growl. Their eyes met briefly, the desire in them fighting to see whose was grander, before kissing again.

It was like he wanted to pull her closer still, the barrier of clothes too much. Something told Alina that the lack of them wouldn't satisfy either of them anyways.

He kissed her jaw, travelling his way up to her earlobe.

"You make me weak." he whispered harshly, only to proceed to ravish the parts of her neck that were exposed.

"You make me strong." she answered, craning her neck to give him better access.

Growling, he gave her ass a hard squeeze and pushed her back against a tree. She could feel the tug and crunches of the leaves as he buried his hands in her hair but didn't care.

She wanted more.

And more.

She drew his lips back to hers. He reached for the belt which held her kefta closed.

"Sir!"

The next thing Alina knew was that she was standing against a tree, her back aching and her body cold, yet her face hot.

She looked at The Darkling, who seemed almost unperturbed as he smoothly fixed his hair and clothes, standing at a respectable distance from her.

Ivan appeared, seeming to be in a hurry.

Alina narrowed her eyes at him. As if she didn't dislike him enough already, the little shit.

"Moi Soverennyi, you are needed in the king's counsel immediately."

"Tell that grump I shall be there shortly."

Ivan bowed and left, not even acknowledging Alina's presence.

The Darkling cleared his throat. She turned her dark gaze on him, cheeks burning against the cold air, lips probably bruised.

What had just happened?

She wasn't sure, but she wanted to do it again. The Darkling, on the other hand, remained stoic as he stared into her eyes, as if nothing had occurred between them.

"I understand that you have been training on your own;" he said, as if he were talking to any other grisha, ever polite and smooth, voice reassuring yet commanding." I shall speak to Baghra so you may return to your lessons."

"But I don't wann-"

With him gone, the early winter sun felt cold.

"Miss Starkov." he bowed to her respectfully and marched away, disappearing from view within seconds.

Click here for chapter 6

[dumbthotastrology]

a dumb thots guide to moon signs

omg i have been gone for so long uhhhh just flaky gemini things. anyways hey girlies so today were gonna talk about your moon signs. the specifics of what each moon sign has in store, and about moon signs in general.

about moon signs:

while a sun sign can be an overall idea of your personality and overall self, a moon sign is what rules your inner-self and your emotions. It creates your needs and wants, and makes the base for your subconscious and your soul. your moon sign can also describe how you respond to crisis basically your moon sign explains why y'all are so fucked up.

your moon sign also can tell who you’re compatible with emotionally. although compatibility is a mix of other planets and other non-astrological factors, your moon sign is a huge component of the way you think and process things, which is generally a huge part of compatibility and intellectual attraction. oooh, big words.

also, like what i said in my previous post “a dumb thots guide to the planets” some people relate to their moon sign waaaay more than their sun sign, probably because there are less stereotypes and stigmas around moon signs. if you’re naturally a very emotional, intuitive, or dark person you might feel more attracted to your moon sign because your feelings and emotions are a large part of your thought-process.

so children, let's get into each moon sign and what they mean

aries moon: we stan most aries, so we also stan aries moons. these folks tell it how it is and aren’t afraid to speak their mind. aries moons are bold and enthusiastic with their life choices. they’re optimistic, even through tough times. they know what they want all the time, but y'all aries moons don’t know the difference between needs and wants because of your intensity in regards to passion and desire. they can be moody and temperamental if they don’t get what they want or life is going rough for them. In life, it's hard to create a balance because they go through plenty of ups and downs constantly. they might feel destructive towards other people or even towards themselves. aries moons are naturally dominant, so let's all embrace our little baby lunar christian greys.

taurus moon: okay so let's talk about our babies with taurus moons. the main traits of a moon sign in taurus is that they crave stability, reliability, and comfort. people with taurus moons tend to stay away from sketchy or messy situations because they’re not super adaptable to change. they take pride in their emotional stability and use it as their driving force (and they usually take charge anyway.) those with moons in taurus can be stubborn and selfish at times, and can get stuck in routines although that's not the end of the world for them. if you have a sun or moon (or just have a lot of taurus in your chart) you can suffer from taurus-style depression at times, which makes the person very lazy, tired, and tend to overeat or do a lotttt of retail therapy. but on the brighter side, if you’re in a relationship with them, they are more committed, helllllaaa sensual (get itttt), loyal, and you won’t expect a break up for a longggg time

gemini moon: (geminis, i love you and i support you) those with moons in gemini are charming and witty, just like the gemini sun signs. they are social butterflies and like to organize or make plans frequently otherwise they’ll get fussy. they're great communicators and get along with a lot of people, but since gemini moons are such people pleasers, they might get too involved with the opinions and emotions of other people and tend to ignore their own feelings or purpose. deep shit. restlessness is common in lunar geminis because they always need to be stimulated with something (talking, reading, watching tv, etc.) also nervousness and moodiness can be a problem in these people, leading to frustration and being snappy. but overall, we love you geminis.

cancer moon: cancer moons are little babies, in a good way. they’re extremely sensitive, intuitive, and they feel so damn much. our cancer moon girlies make incredible friends and parents, however be a bit cautious around them. since they feel so much, they can be defensive, moody, or more upset than normal when they’re hurt or unhappy. if you hurt cancer moons, good luck bud. they tend to close off or shut down when hurt, and take a while to heal. along with this, they hold grudges for a long time, and tend to keep their guard up if they somehow forgive you. just don't be playin with their feelings… don't do it. To heal and regroup, cancer moons like to stick with what they know and what they’re comfortable with, and many can be homebodied. these people have a lively imagination and are extremely intuitive, leading to possible psychic abilities or intentions. these people also tend to be natural empaths, which can lead to feeling emotionally bogged down from other people depending on you, but being an empath is a good thing because it shows your loyalty and compassion. love u.

leo moon: leo moons are our fun friends that have been by our side for years. these girlies are self confident, creative, and has an inspiring and extroverted energy. leo moons know their se;f worth, and won’t put up with anything less. they can be dominant at times, but their motivation for this dominance is generally respect. their feelings are intense and they don’t mess around when it comes to their ambitions and desires. a downside of leo moons though, is that they are super extra. some can see you as over the top or loud, and at times this can make you feel misunderstood. you may seem to be an attention whore sometimes, but through your passion and loyalty those close to you know that your intentions are good. keep bein your extra ass selves, leo moons. we love you.

virgo moon: those with virgo moons can be a little tricky to understand, but there are definitely some pros, you guys aren't all fucked up. lunar virgos really stan their routine, which make them naturally self-disciplined so they don't fall out of that routine. they tend to like exercising, self care, and love to develop new hobbies. they also love to help others, and you'll find that lunar virgos are wholesome, loyal, and sensitive in the best way possible. their routine is a need for them, and if they don’t have it they can get high-strung and aggravated. they can also get finicky and specific about how things go in their lives, which isn’t always a bad thing. if lunar virgos suffer from trauma or rough-patches, they might try to bottle their emotions up which will manifest later on in life. similar to lunar scorpios, virgo moons might experience issues with digestion due to their emotional stresses. some have described that those with virgo moons might have eating disorders due to nervous system or psychological factors. these people might also have controlling fears or issues, so as i said these people can be a little fucked up but their gigantic hearts and self determination make up for it and help them get through it. (and aren't we all a little fucked up out here?)

libra moon: lunar libras (ugh doesn't that sound so pretty?) are just beautiful little babies. they have a natural artsy and peaceful personality that draws you into them. they’re amazing at communicating and socializing, and one of their main goals seem to be pleasing people in all aspects. libra moons are amazing partners, and they often search for a partner due to the fact that they strongly dislike being without a significant other. it makes them feel out of balance and lonely at times. they seem to steady themselves based on the way others depend on them and their relationships, but this can lead to distress if tensions exist within an important relationship in their lives. the dark side of lunar libras isn’t as scary as others think, but can become an issue if taken out of hand. they might become dependent on others and their significant other which can, in turn, hurt them in the long run from a loneliness or longing after a break in the path. ooh, poetic.

scorpio moon: scorpio moons dont fuck around. (i have a scorpio moon, so be scared bitch.) to be frank, scorpio moons are intense and emotional. they have a higher understanding of the human thought process and can be deeply connected to emotions and vibes. these people are affected not only by their own emotions, but from others emotions as well. they pick up on certain situations because of the energy radiating off of it, making them helllllaaaa intuitive. lunar scorpios are INTENSE when it comes to love, and might be afraid of committing if they’ve been hurt in the past. they have a strong emotional need for drama or frequent change, and if they dont express their feleings they could even get physically sick (ive personally experienced a lot of stomach issues and nausea.) scorpio moons are defensive when it comes to love (even if they crave it) because they have a fear of betrayal or being hurt. through all of these intense shit though, they’re ambitious, sensual (!!!), creative, and committed. we been knew.

sagittarius moon: sagittarius moons are our party people. they’re fun, sociable, and extroverted. they love meeting new people and doing new things, it makes them thrive. they like to go through life with an easygoing nature, and generally aren't super negative. sometimes they’re even overly optimistic, and get their hopes up way too much which in the end will crush them if something goes poorly. when life isn't in their favor or things don't go their way, they get tf out of the situation or try to physically escape. they want to feel balanced at all times. to other people (especially more home-bodied signs) see sag moons as intimidating or annoying, but sag moons are very easy to get along with and will get along with almost anybody. basically, lunar sags are that one friend that you can never stay mad at, and want to hang out with all the time. we really do stan.

capricorn moon: our capricorn moon are our little home bodied babies. we love you. the underlying theme of most lunar capricorns is that they’re steady and reliable, and like to keep themselves that way. they like to surround their lifestyle around goal-setting, and have soooo freakin much ambition and determination. at some points, capricorn moons might start getting a little too obsessed with their goals, like girlies please calm down every once in a while. they want to better themselves all the time, and that can lead to isolation or feelings of loneliness. lunar capricorns have emotions that are a bit more logical and darker than some, and that makes them a bit more emotionally closed off because they don't want to kill the vibe or share what's on their mind if its not important. they seem cold to others because they like to make themselves seem put together allllll the time. like seriously. overall, all these kittygirls want is to be in control and to have structure, and we’ll let you have it, since you mainly aren’t that problematic.

aquarius moon: so our little aquarius moons are kinda weird in nature, but SO bright and independent, which a lot of us admire. lunar aquarians care a lot about what others think, so they try to bury any negative emotions (like pettiness or jealousy) so they don't seem unattractive. because of this, they might seem closed off, but most times you’ll receive more of an emotional connection once you get to know them. they are very receptive to others emotions and frequencies, and ponder the meaning of life and the universe as they feed on deeper and darker emotions. often times, they emotionally detach themselves from others and tend to feel lonely. they’re natural loners, but on the bright side they don't let their loneliness get in the way of their overarching purpose (for the most part.) the odd thing is, they take in so much energy and emotion from other, and some may call that an empath, but to others they might seem like they lack compassion because they emotionally shut off. we love them anyways though, because lunar aquarians are amazing friends and give people lots of independence and space to be themselves, and they expect the same.

pisces moon: our lunar pisceans (google told me that term) are dreamy and imaginative girlies. they’re SO empathetic and love to connect with others, and that makes many people confide and take comfort in them. they might become so involved in others (they especially root for the underdog and those less fortunate) that they lose track of themselves. if people take advantage of pisces moons’ empathy, the pisces moon will learn quickly and bounce back. their huge and accepting heart makes them amazing partners and friends because they’ll cherish you. (and y'all BETTER cherish them too i swear to god.) the downside to lunar pisceans though, is that they involve themselves in others so much that they become overloaded with emotion that they might feel numb or become spaced out. a supppperrr common thing in a pisces moon is zoning out to give their brain a break. pisces moons need time to recharge and step back to breathe. hey, we get it. life can be stressful af sometimes, especially for someone who feels everything.

the next dumb thots guide will be a dumb thots guide to the elements of astrology. (hopefully it wont take five billion years) bettttttt 

-vi (gemini sun, scorpio moon, gemini rising) posted 6/15/19

[graffitibible]

how do killjoys treat raygun burns? i genuinely have no idea and i know you've already gone pretty in-depth with raygun wounds in general but i was curious about the treatment

cw: we’re gonna be talking about medical stuff and injuries in here. i’m not gonna include any graphic pictures and also i’m gonna warn anyone who wants to do further research that some of the images that’ll come up are gonna be pretty damn graphic. tread carefully!

SO i’m gonna be going off this ask here, and running with the assumption that raygun burns probably both bleed and burn. thats important since thats gonna affect how youd do treatment. it also means that raygun injuries are messy. most burn injuries in the real world can cauterize - theyre unique in that the site of injury is usually sterile at the time of injury. however, since the rayguns in this world are capable of making someone bleed (rather a lot too, if the comics are any indication), that means that these wounds can get pretty gnarly.

the important thing about how rayguns in danger days seem to work is that they are not pure laser bolts! if they were, they’d be able to pass through something and cauterize it pretty neatly, like a lightsaber. the raygun blasts have an obvious physical component - they can physically knock someone back, for example, and we see sparks shower when people are shot in the music videos. so rayguns in danger days have an apparent kinetic component to them: you are basically applying heat to the human body at high velocity. 

ONCE AGAIN, THIS GOT LONG. THE REST IS UNDER A CUT. mind the content warnings above!!

other than that, we’re not sure what specifically the makeup of the lasers like...are. electromagnetic radiation? plasma? heat? electricity? i doubt its pure electricity since that would be more consistently fatal, but it is some kind of bolt that has both heat and velocity on its side to be sure, but thats the extent of what we know.

now logically, this would actually cause the human body to like. explode. cause thats what happens when you apply that much heat to something made of mostly water. getting hit with a bolt of something that hot would cause all that water to boil off abruptly and then the steam would fucking parboil you. not a fun way to go though it is funny that the steam would be the thing that causes the most damage. so yeah actually a very gory kind of injury.

obviously thats not what happens in danger days, since no one to my knowledge Fucking Explodes when theyre hit with a laser bolt. but lasers from rayguns can make blood FOUNTAIN OUT OF A DUDE’S GUT in the comics so obviously they can do a hell of a lot of damage (the mvs are way less explicit but they also werent allowed to like, swear in the mvs and had to tone down some of the violence and shit so im taking the comics canon as the more “realistic” one wrt rayguns here) the science here is kinda...eh, cause laser bolts don’t appear to be a penetrating injury but rather a messy “burn and blister” kind of injury that are nonetheless capable of making someone eat it pretty quick.

but this is danger days and this is kinda where science goes to die so here is how i view laser injuries in the universe:

danger days laser bolts have a kinetic or explosive quality to them.

what this means is that the injury is twofold: first, the heat damages the external layer of skin. i’d hazard that we’re talking second-to-third degree burn levels of injury on immediate contact. second, the kinetic energy released at that velocity and force generates an explosive impact that does damage to surrounding tissue.

what’s left is an injury that both burns and bleeds. my take on it is that the bolt impact creates the open wound, while the heat intensifies that damage and disseminates it. you need a temp of maybe 300ºF and higher to cauterize a wound so lasers would have to burn at least a little bit lower than that since the injuries do consistently bleed. but since the human body is pretty sensitive to high temperatures that works out in our favor seeing as if you heat things too much, again, the risk is that we would Fucking Explode.

lots of burn injuries, especially third degree and higher, tend to bleed. since thats the closest thing i have to compare to a laser wound in danger days, thats going to be my basis here.

treating a raygun injury is likely to resemble burn treatment in a lot of ways

burn treatment stuff varies a lot and i will spare you guys from googling this and going “oh thank you google images thank you for showing me what a graphic third degree burn looks like i am so glad that i know this and that this is in my search history and keeps popping up in my search history im SO GLAD.” 

burn injuries go by degrees. first degree is like mild sunburn basically, and only affects the epidermis or external layer of skin. second degree affects the top and middle layers of skin and can leave blisters. third degree burns go all the way to the subcutaneous fat layer and can leave the skin white and charred. fourth degree burns can go through nerves and muscles and even down to the bone and can cause permanent damage that requires amputation. at fifth degree you have significant risk of organ injury and at sixth it’s basically like “fifth degree, but with the common side effect of Death.” 

again im not linking to anything here because pretty much every information article you get on this stuff is gonna have some nice graphic images. so if you look this stuff up on your own do it at your own risk or have an image/media blocker extension ready if that kinda thing squicks you out

the main takeaway is that any burn from like the third degree downward can be very brutal and hard to heal over - they can cause swelling and severe scarring and the destruction of the epidermis and hair follicles means that new hair won’t grow. add to that the idea of raygun blasts tearing open that external layer of skin that means that you can get burns that go in pretty deep which would go a long way to explain how it is a weapon that doesn’t appear to have a lot of “penetrating” energy is capable of killing someone relatively immediately, especially if theyve got that initial kinetic impact thats capable of tearing open the dermis and making the injury go deeper.

im going to tentatively say that raygun injuries are basically full-thickness burns with a few bells and whistles. basically, they destroy the epidermis and the layer of skin below it, the dermis. thats the level of third/fourth degree burns and worse, essentially.

so, serious burn treatment usually goes as follows:

clean! that! wound! it’s best to do this in a sterile environment, cause otherwise youre gonna end up blistering the injury and agitating it further. you wanna get all the dead tissue and gunk off the burn.

pain medication. with most burns the nerve endings can get pretty fried and you might not immediately experience any pain, but since raygun injuries go a little harder than your average burn, thats probably not the case. people definitely consistently react in pain after theyre shot with a raygun in the both the mvs and the comics. so yeah, its painful. pain medication is nice to mute that feeling.

antibiotics and/or tetanus shots to make sure that you don’t get an infection

intravenous fluids containing electrolytes as well as a diet high in protein and nutritional supplements

antibiotic ointments/creams for the injury

skin grafts to close the injury since a burn of that severity would have difficulty closing completely on its own. yikes.

continuous monitoring of the patient to prevent sepsis and eschar from fucking with the blood vessels and healing tissue.

obviously killjoys do not have the benefit of a fully stocked hospital. if youre in bat city youre probably gonna be in more luck. but if youre slumming it or if youre in the zones, heres what i imagine the killjoy diy procedure would likely be:

application of water over the wound. cool water is best, not ice-cold (alright alright alright alright alright etc)

cleaning the injury comes next to prevent infection. ideally you would use soap. do not scrub as youll agitate the wound

pain medication might be helpful here, but who knows if thats common out in the zones - and i imagine city-born killjoys might have some hang-ups with taking meds, so who fuckin knows there.

bandages, ideally clean ones, would help cover up the injury and keep it from the elements in time for it to heal. that will also cover up the skin while the bleeding heals up. keep the wound as closed from infection as possible.

check up on the injury consistently especially since the burn probably wasnt sterilized on impact the way most burns are. a messy injury like that one can go south very very quick.

realistically i doubt that skin grafts are readily available. its recommended that you stay out of the sun and avoid lots of exercise that might risk reopening the injury. and that...is going to be nigh impossible if youre a zonerunner lol. its likely that improper treatment can lead to infection and then death. it is also likely that too much agitation of the injury can lead to the wound reopening, infection, and then death.

if you get stuff like light grazes, where the bolts clip you but dont fully impact you, that means youre like to get some surface-level burns that cover a larger surface area. theyll heal quicker if you treat them right, but thats a larger area thats open to infection. burns that go deep into the skin have more immediate fatality risk. there could be variation here as well! maybe a laser gun with a lower or dying charge will do less damage. maybe some guns have fancy “stun” settings that don’t do permanent damage.

the human body is surprisingly resilient and can recover from a lot. but burns are no joke and a raygun blast can easily be fatal either immediately or a little bit after the fact. even if you survive the blast, there are likely to be a lot of repercussions to taking a serious hit, which im again basing on the noted consequences of major burn injuries

likely consequences of surviving a raygun hit in the zones:

scarring. especially without skin grafts, this ones gonna be a gimme, and likely permanent. serious burns can leave lots of color changes to the skin as well as keloid tissue (which is a raised, lumpy kind of scar tissue. you can google it if you want but as i warned before: images might be pretty grody). this would also prevent the growth of new hair in those areas. most hospitals try to excise this and replace it with skin grafts to speed healing but like i said thats not likely to be an obvious solution in the desert.

nerve damage. burns that go super deep can permanently remove the feeling from the affected part of the body. this is likely to be permanent. deep contact usually remains intact but stuff like subtle pressure changes can be outright impossible to sense. this can also cause contractures in the affected area.

weakness in the affected area. related to the above point, damage to muscle tissue and nerves can reduce range of motion, strength in that area, and more.

itching and pain at the site of injury. pretty self-explanatory. that one might get better as you go on depending on how good the medical treatment was at the time of injury.

inability to sweat. the destruction of sweat glands in affected areas are possible if the burn goes deep enough. in the desert this can be very bad news lol

psychological trauma. a given. any traumatic injury can have long-term psychological effects.

my main takeaway here is that killjoys who’ve been in lots of serious firefights are gonna have a sHITTON of scarring, some of it obvious. lots of killjoys looking pretty fucked up. lookin wiped out. my other takeaway is that surviving a raygun blast is pretty dependent on getting care for it as soon as possible, cause the infection/hemorrhage risk seems pretty high.

ofc this is just me analyzing this shit to hell and back and it’s probably nowhere near that scientifically DENSE im just detail-oriented as hell. so take or leave this answer, whichever you like lol. i like writing the nitty gritty details of injuries since i generally wanna emphasize how rough life in the zones can be so this is something im interested in exploring.

[growup-gloup]

Hii~~~ I want to try make up on, but I dont really know how or where to begin(?) Like, I know theres a hell lot of products, but thats it! Dont really know how to make it work.

Hello darling!

Be prepared to read a long post. Makeup can be intimidating because there is 50 different types of things for the same thing.

You can put the bare necessities into two categories:

Skin care - It’s really important to make your skin look good even after you remover makeup

Actual Makeup - This is what we generally think of when thinking about makeup, but this should be removed before you go to sleep

In skincare, you could have the following:

Cleanser: This is to clean the makeup off your face as well as dirt and oil and other stuff that builds up throughout the day. You use this morning and night, before you apply your makeup, so that you have a fresh clean canvas to work with, and after you remove it, so that everything comes off. There’s different types based on your needs and likes. Some people have really oily skin whereas other people have really dry skin, and then there’s people like me that have combination skin where some parts are oily and some parts are dry. If you have acne, there may be some that are geared just for that, like ones with tea tree oil in them. 

Exfoliator: You should only do this once or twice a week, otherwise you can irritate your skin and make it more prone to breaking out. There are some things that a cleanser cannot remove, like the upper layer of dead skin cells, or oil and dirt that have gone deep into your pores. There are physical and chemical exfoliators. I personally do not recommend using physical ones on your face because they can cause micro-abrasions into your skin. But once again, you may be able to find one that suits your skin type. You should use physical exfoliators on your body once a week, though, because just like a cleanser, soap and loofahs don’t get everything out. 

Toner: This is certainly not a necessary thing, but it does help improve the overall look and glow of your skin, even when it’s bare faced. It’s usually the consistency of water, and witch hazel is a pretty popular toner, but you may be able to find one that, once again, suits your skin type. Take a shot for every time I say suit your skin type in this post... 

Serum: If you have a certain dermal issue, like acne, or eczema, or even wrinkles, you may find a serum that helps with that. If you use a toner, then you put this on after the toner, but before the moisturizer. There’s also day and night serums, but that is based on whatever you are getting. If this step is overwhelming, then you can totally skip it.

Moisturizer: This is one step you should not skip, even if you have oily skin. This locks the moisture in and hydrates your skin all day so that it doesn’t flake or start producing excess oil to make up for the lack of hydration. If you have oily skin, then you can find a moisturizer that fits that skin type.You can even get a moisturizer with SPF.

Sunscreen: If your moisturizer and foundation does not have sunscreen then get separate sunscreen to apply, which you should even on a cloudy day, since the UV rays are still coming through.

Now that your skin has been taken care of, you can put on makeup.

Primer: If you’re planning on wearing your makeup for an entire day, or a night out when you know you’ll be sweaty, or you feel like your makeup will be smudged for whatever reason, you can put on a primer, which basically covers your skin like a paint primer so that that the makeup can have a smoother and a longer lasting finish. But, it’s not necessary. I only wear primers if I have a huge event to go to, like a wedding or something. I don’t bother with it on the daily.

Foundation vs BB Cream: Unlike foundations, BB, CC, and EE, creams focus on particular details, like color correcting, and other details. Foundations are heavier, even the lighter coverage ones, but they work better for heavier makeup. Make sure to have your foundation matched to your skin tone. I don’t want to hear any of this fair-and-lovely, or ethnically-ambiguous BS. It never looks good, and it’s just plain disrespectful. I also don’t recommend foundations with SPF, since those are the ones that tend to create flashback (is that what it’s called?) if you take a picture with the flash on. 

Concealer: This is a couple shades lighter than your skin tone, and goes over the under-eye bags to brighten it up. You can also use concealer as a eye-shadow primer, to make sure that the powder doesn’t smudge throughout the day. Be sure to set it with a setting powder, which I’ll explain later.

Contour: If you don’t want to do this, then you’re more than welcome to skip it. But basically, applying darker shades in some places and light shades in others creates the illusion of a different facial structure, but can also make you look like a clown if done wrong. Once you get the hang of overall makeup, you can definitely try it out, but make sure you get some practice before you wear it out. If not, you can just apply a bit of bronzer under the cheek bones and be good to go.

Powders: Remember when you’d dig through your mom’s purse and find a compact mirror with a lil round sponge and a pressed powder? Those were the days. These days, you’re better off with a setting powder under the eye area, which is often too white, but you let it sit for a few minutes to “bake” into your foundation. Then you can apply translucent powder all over your face to finish the skin stuff.

Eyes: Eye-shadows are pretty straight forward, but I suggest looking at the color wheel to see what works best with your eye and hair color for the ultimate wow effect. Mascara and eyeliner get easier to put on with practice. You don’t have to curl your lashes. I think I’ve only ever done that once in my life and that was only to test it out. You can also shape and darken your eyebrows with Anastasia Beverly Hills Dipbrow. Though you may need some practice to make it look natural.

Lips: You should try our liquid vs cream and gloss vs matte to figure out what you like best. Just keep in mind that matte liquid tends to stay on much longer than cream or gloss, and is also harder to budge, in case you plan on eating a messy meal or doing... messy activities.

Highlighter: If there is one trend that I wish would go out of style, it’s highlighters. Everyone seems to love it, which I respect, but I can’t help but think of disco balls every time I see a makeup guru on instagram. If you want to try it, apply a little but on the tip of your nose and cheekbones, and maybe a lil bit on your cupid’s bow and chin for an extra razzle dazzle. 

Setting Spray: This is another one of those extra steps that you can take if you really want your makeup to last through a night out, or a trip to the beach in July. Once you’ve applied everything, hold the spray at an arms length and spritz your face like you’re disciplining a puppy. But, like, don’t discipline a puppy. That’s mean.

Here’s some general overall tips to remember:

These are a bunch of infographs about types of brushes and makeup applications that I could not explain here. 

There are a ton of YouTubers that can teach you all sorts of makeup. I recommend Kaushal Beauty, Alexandra’s Girly Talk, and Brianna Fox, where I learnt all my makeup and other beauty stuff from, back when I knew absolutely nothing. For more bolder and artistic looks, you can check out Nikkie Tutorials. 

Experiment with as many looks as you want, but if you’re trying something new, be sure to try it at home and when you’re not in a rush.

Keep practicing drawing on eyeliner, because that’s the only way you’ll get better at it. 

If you want to go for the “natural” look, you can just apply some toner, sunscreen, and tinted moisturizer on your skin. You can also put on some mascara and lip gloss, and maybe do your brows if you have extra time. That way you look completely put together without it looking like you even bothered, because who even bothers to look good, right? We all just wake up like this.

I realize that I started slipping in more of my snark as time went on, but it was a long post, and I’m tired. Have fun playing with makeup, though! It’s actually pretty fun once you start doing it for yourself rather than to look good, because then the possibilities are endless and everyone’s Michelangelo.

💋

[coralstudiies]

SURVIVAL GUIDE & STUDY TIPS

hello everyone!! this post is a collab with the lovely and amazing @boinkhs because we've both reached 2k followers :D she'll be doing study tips for college students and i'll be doing study tips for high schoolers. check out her post here!

i've split this into part 1. survival, which concerns how to study & learn better in general and just tips on how to get through high school. part 2. is on specific study tips for each type of subject, namely sciences, maths, languages and humanities.

Hope this helps <3

1. Don't snooze please

you just end up snoozing 5 times then you’re late for school

2. If you find you have difficulty getting out of bed, just keep in mind ONE TASK you need to do.

for example, making your bed. then you just gotta focus on that! it should help fight the sleepiness because you’re forcing your brain and limbs to be active.

3. Do the necessary things like brushing your teeth, putting on clothes and eat breakfast

i don’t know why but some people don’t eat breakfast before coming to school like ???? excuse me ???? please eat at least a small snack, or a fruit or something. your body doesnt function on an empty stomach! also, drink some water to hydrate yourself

4. On the road, you should do something that puts you in a good mood.

for me, i go straight to spotify and listen to my playlist. you should also review the previous day’s learning so that you refresh your memory before going back to class. personally this is my fav part of the day HAHAHA

5. If you like, you can choose to read a book.

just make sure you’re calm but ‘warmed up’ to focusing in a sense.

1. Hydrate frequently

idk man it just keeps you awake + i dont feel so icky if i drink enough water

2. Learn actively

if the teacher asks questions, try to answer. sit at the front row. offer to help give out the worksheets or notes. clarify your doubts after. when they speak, copy down notes. don’t worry about the aesthetic; i mean you can but you need to write fast and neat which unfortunately doesnt come together very often. i suggest you spend more brain power digesting and understanding the content.

3. Don’t over highlight

ONLY KEY POINTS that are stressed by the teacher. you can tell when their tone changes, expression changes, when they use more hand motions, or they keep repeating a few key words. yes , that. highlight that. stare at it while listening to them speak. make sure you understand. if you don’t please ask. but make sure you don’t have a fluorescent page because that’s not ideal study material!

4. Write down any questions you have

if they’re answered in the lesson, cancel them off. if not, ask after the lesson. dont be scared! *sends virtual courage*

5. Use whatever free time you have to finish homework

because you’re gonna thank yourself later. you should spend more time at home revising than doing homework. ( doing homework isnt equivalent to revising PLEASE I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE WHO SAY THEY REVISED FOR 3 HOURS BUT ALL THEY DID WAS HOMEWORK ) also it feels better knowing you have one less thing to worry about

6. Record down all assignments, due dates and test dates

do it in a planner or your phone. doesn’t matter just keep them somewhere. it can be demoralising to see an entire entry of shit to get done but still it’s better than not knowing what needs to be done. ignorance is NOT bliss. try to color code or symbol code them, for example • for assignments (due date behind), - for tests etc. act on this when you go home (see below)

7. Have a file/binder some form of organisation to keep different subjects’ worksheets, tests, notes, reading etc.

you can have one massive binder, one binder for each subject, one folder file for each subject or anything that suits you. for me, i clip all materials of one subject together with a binder clip. the materials i use most are at the front for easy reference. then put those bundles into zipper files, perhaps one for math and sciences, another for languages and humanities. or whatever suits you best! make sure you have everything in one place so you don’t panic and dig through a pile of dog-eared paper.

8. If you can, when it’s near the exam period, don’t stay back after school unless it’s to study.

i used to stay back for training and to play volleyball with my friends and i kid you not we would play from 2pm to 6.30 pm and get nothing done but it was fun. and i’m not saying deprive yourself of that fun but when the exams are near, you should be studying somewhere quiet/ somewhere you can focus. you should go somewhere (preferably home) where you can focus and get things done.

9. Decide if you’re a lone wolf or if you need a study buddy/study group

personally i’m a lone wolf because i hate distractions and i don’t want to distract others. but when my friends ask me for help i don’t mind staying back a little to teach them and/or study with them. Personally i find that for subjects like english which require you to write about an array of topics, studying with someone else can help in generation of essay points and to just broaden your understanding of the topic. so yeah it really depends, just do what suits you :)

10. Take notes in class

try to understand while copying, and if you didn’t understand something, you should raise your hand and ask for the teacher to repeat so that you hear it again. also, it gives you more time to take notes as they re-explain the content. read them after the lesson is over to help internalise some facts. you can create your own method of organisation for your notes, e.g. colour coding.

1. Review the day’s learning on the way home.

if you take public transport, try to flip through your notes and worksheets to review new content for the first time.

2. Eat lunch, have a snack, take a shower, everything that’s necessary.

if you use your phone while eating, make sure you don’t eat slowly just to use your phone because that’s wasting time.

3. If you’re super tired, just have a 15-20min power nap

nothing more otherwise you will NEVER wake up until the dead of night. just take a nap to get some energy back. doesnt matter if you wake up feeling more tired, because you’ll shake that feeling in a while. keep a glass of water beside you so that you can drink it once you wake up!

4. Look through your ‘list’ that you made earlier in the day. (in class, pt. 6)

you might want to spend max 10 mins updating your schedule. then stare at the dreaded homework. start with the easiest and least time consuming to build up momentum. this could actually be the remainder of what you’ve finished in school. then look at the due dates. do them in order of due dates. unless it’s a huge project or assignment, you might want a head start on it!

5. With the remaining time, you should start revising

review the day’s learning AGAIN.

make notes/mindmaps/flashcards whatever works for you. you should prioritise the subject or chapter that you were most confused about. quickly revise and try to clear up any questions you have about the chapter. if you have additional time, go ahead and make notes for the next subject! another way is going through corrections and clarifying your doubts with friends/teachers, and summarise the day’s learning on a post-it or two. if you’ve already taken notes in class, look at other sources e.g textbook and combine what you’ve learnt before re-writing or re-organising your notes.

1. Pack your bag!

remove unnecessary materials, and pack the necessary one. make sure your bag isnt too heavy. you can choose to hand carry some files or binders if they’re too bulky, but make sure you’re all packed before the next morning

2. Have a meal & clean up

again, basic necessities. don’t go to bed hungry or feeling icky because thats not how you treat yo self!

Before class:

if you’re going to continue on a chapter, review the content that came before it. Try to make your own connections between the already learnt and to-be learnt content so that you’re mentally ready for class.

In class:

take down notes, highlight, annotate and DRAW DIAGRAMS. you can’t do sciences without diagrams. for physics or chemistry which require more calculation, copy down the problems your teacher goes through and solve them along with him/her. write the formulas on a post it note so you can stick it onto the page where you’re writing for easy reference. if the teacher plays a video which is MOST DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO WAIT FOR YOU you have to write only the relevant points in the most abbreviated form possible.

Note-taking:

I find that linear notes help me most in sciences. for chapters that involve lots of interconnected processes, for example o chem, then mindmaps or flowcharts will be helpful. also if you tend to forget something, post-it that stuff on the front page of your notes where you are FORCED to stare at it. yes. write down example problems and their steps, then write explanations for each step so that if you’re confused you can always refer back. again, draw any required diagrams.

Answering techniques:

if there’s a ‘standard’ way to answer it then you have to make sure you follow that way even in your homework because it’s muscle memory. when you get to exams, your hand will automatically write in the same format so you don’t lose marks or spend time recalling the correct format.

imo sciences are quite logical so as long as you remember and follow the flow you’ll be fine!

In class:

copy key terms, facts and examples and write all examples that the teacher has gone through. write all formulas and definitions on a post it, then shift it around the pages as needed. if there’s a type of problem you particularly suck at, ask your teacher for help IMMEDIATELY because it’s so easy to forget the steps to a problem.

At home:

do your homework, do additional practice, correct your mistakes, clarify, and repeat. memorise formulas and definitions (perhaps using flashcards or post its) then practice more and make sure your concepts are strong. there’s no easy way and sadly this is all i can comment.

In class:

copy down notes, think actively, and if you’re given a sample essay you should annotate the heck out of it and keep it somewhere safe.

For essays:

read up more and write up. befriend the best writer in class and ask for their essays. write essay plans and consult your teacher. brainstorm possible approaches with friends. read the news, and copy the links of interesting online articles for future reference. have a go-to list of examples and quotes you can use, for any and every topic. read these like your bedtime story and never forget to keep updating them.

For comprehension passages:

read the questions first. then you’ll be more sensitive to what you need to read in the passage and how you need to analyse it. try to question yourself about how and why the author does something or makes you feel something. do not rush-read the passage or you will fail horribly (personal experience). do one or two extra comprehensions and ask your teacher to mark them.

In class:

ARROWS TO LINK EVERYTHING and annotate any class notes given. write down new examples provided by the teacher. if there is a link you ‘can check out’ go check it out. it’s probably something thats gonna be on the exam.

At home:

you have to rely on mindmapping and flow charts because everything is linked in some way and you cannot ignore those links!!!! although i do my humanities notes in linear form, my in class notes are all in the form of mindmaps. and actually i revise from those in a pinch because i can see everything at one go. watch vids on the concepts, for example plate tectonics. those things are so hard to see when they’re deadass sitting on the page and not budging. watch a video where they really move instead of being frozen.

If you’re so frickin lost:

watch more videos on the concepts, watch more videos on the events, search up interpretations online and ask your teachers!!! for everyone who gets equally lost as me when i’m faced with a new chapter, another way is to pre-read before the teacher starts teaching. if you’re lazy to read just watch a couple clips on it so that at least you have some background. even if you wake up the next day with 0 concrete memory, which you won’t, you’ll already have the flow of things which will help you if you’re usually the straggler.

(disclaimer i study geography although i've tried history and english literature but i think that they're similar to some extent, especially on how to study them)

[iknowicanbutwhy]

To anyone who thinks texting is a billion times worse than talking on the phone and that texting is a miscommunication disaster ready to happen: I get you. You're probably 100% exactly like my friend who I hate texting despite how i rather appreciate talking with them on call or in-person.

Hear me out, though. Please.

You know what's weird? I love talking with my other friend on text more than i talk with them in real life. No, it's not because they're untalkative irl. No, it's not because they have a different personality in text. No, it's not because they have any trouble whatsoever communicating in-person (more than the usual trouble everyone sometimes deals with).

It's because I'm the one with the auditory communication issues. I stammer and stutter, I can't forward my opinion in that microscopic pause between people talking, i can't think quickly when i or someone else is speaking, i can't think quickly, and i can't double check my grammar when ive already said something - among other problems.

And that friend i like to text? Just so happens to be skilled at texting.

Yes, texting well is a skill. Something that you can learn and cultivate and look up on Google. So if you hate texting and find it irredeemable, you probably don't have the skill for it. But you can still learn just by using your normal speaking skills while remembering and sticking with only a few bitty - yet crucial - rules of texting.

You may not want to learn to text. You may want to speak and text only when necessary. You may defend your point by stating that texting lacks key human communication, such as body language, tone of voice, rhythm of voice, and other context that adds to the meaning of words in a way texting could never have. Aaaand you'd be right, actually. Italics and bold and emojis/emoticons and writing style can only do so much while the imagination fills in the gaps - and unlike with books, if the imagination sees/hears something terrible in a text, it's offensive instead of interesting.

So, what about the people who don't have the skill to make coherent, intelligent sentences with their mouth in the first place? The context doesn't help too much, then. Of course, why should you have to learn how to text when clearly these people who are afflicted by their inability to speak should be learning how to talk, because it's more effective and healthier for them that way?

You're right, they should be learning. And they are! There's no avoiding speaking in real life unless you're mute, selectively mute (let's be understanding), deaf (sometimes they learn to speak and that's awesome), or something else I can't think of. Those with speech impediments - when they don't know sign or there's no one who knows sign nearby - are generally forced to try to speak, and are constantly training to communicate well. People with social anxiety don't want to be afraid of talking, and especially if you befriend someone with social anxiety in real life and talk with them in-person, they'll try their best to open up in-person too. And me? Who can't think fast enough to speak for some reason? I'm trying to change that, too. I hate being unable to speak as well as I text, because speaking is more efficient.

But it would still be really, really nice to have a deliciously complex conversation sometimes, and for those of us with trouble speaking, we developed the skill of texting to better fulfill that human need to communicate and share. We're trying to speak. But.. it would be really nice of you to text.

To text more than just "okay"

To elaborate on "I can't"

To exclaim more than only "ah"

To give something that isn't difficult to find a specific response to.

And it can be easy to; we text-savvy people swear our hearts on it!! Google provides lots of good links when you search "how to text well," but I'll sum up a few common tips to texting with meaning.

Text proportionally. This is probably the only rule you need to remember, because all-in-all, the best way to text someone (if they're not sending one or two words a text) is to follow in their example. If they ask your opinion? Tell them yours and ask theirs. If they send texts of two or three sentences each? It's polite to try responding with the same magnitude (keyword: try. You can't always do it). They send you a paragraph? You don't have to send one back (even though that'd be real cool) but if they seem to be expecting a thorough response, don't be afraid to tell them you can't think of much. Just make sure you follow tip #2. Just imagine what it's like talking to a cat that only meows vaguely at you in response. Maybe you think the cat is smart enough to somewhat understand, and you're getting the chance to let your thoughts out at it, but getting basically nothing back is kind of boring.

Dont send curt, few-worded answers. This includes saying just "k" or "ah" or part of a sentence that you're never gonna finish. It sends the message that you're not interested in thinking about whatever the person texting you just said. Sometimes you can send a tiny response as a joke, but do it over and over again, and the other person will think you're never interested in talking. If you're not interested in talking (not just in text, i mean audibly too), it'd be less rude to simply say your not up for talking, with a short, polite apology.

Respond as soon as possible to a genuine question. If you need to think, say so. If you can't respond just yet, say so. This is a personal thing for me. I'm in the middle of a conversation that has been active for a while, i ask an important (sometimes timed) question, and nobody responds for an hour. I lose confidence and take the silence as "no, don't be ridiculous," and take back what i said. Then, very suddenly, i get a response finally informing me that someone needed to ask their mom and the conversation took a while, or they were researching the question, or chores suddenly came up, or etc etc. People get busy all the time, and especially on text, it's easy to suddenly drop out because something irl shows up. But it's hard to tell the difference between being ignored, missed, or being considered. Your excuses are valid, but even a vague "brb" and then later a quick explanation would be more informative than straight silence.

If you need to leave in the middle of a conversation that's been very active, say so. Building off of the last one, it's just polite to be informative. Now, you don't have to say you're doing this at some specific location for a particular amount of hours and you'll be hanging out with whats-their-name and then you'll go into the bathroom and pick your nose in the mirror - no, you don't have to be specific. Just make it clear that you'll be gone for a bit and you'll get back to the conversation another vague time. It's polite, that's all, and alleviates the worries of all us anxious individuals who think "oh no did i say something wrong its been like 20 minutes and they left suddenly-"

Try to leave an avenue of conversation open for the other person to pick up on. This one is easy because generally, all you need to do is think of an open-ended question that isnt yes-or-no. Say something, then ask a question that relates to what you said that the other person can add to. Like.. the other person said they like a certain band, and you like that band, too. You could tell them your favorite song from them and gush about why, then ask what their favorite song is and why? Then it's up to them to give a good response.

If a conversation turns exhausting because you feel like you're pulling all the weight, then drop it and politely say goodbye. There's all these tips about good texting but sometimes, when you can't bring the other person out of their shell or they are genuinely uninterested, it's because they are the ones not doing their part in the conversation. You've tried your best, and if they wont thank you, then I will. And someone in your future who knows how to text and is interested in what you have to say will thank you in their heart. Just, not the person who you're walking away from right now.

Observe the texting "body language" of others. This sounds weird, but examples of this would be using bold to outline the absolute importance of things, italics to slightly emphasize something, s p a c i n g to signify your mind being blown, emojis to express light emotion (unless someone uses way too many, which, that's just a bad habit and sometimes an art form), "ha" for sarcastic laughter, fjsjskajfjie for real laughter, ALL CAPS for high energy, etc. Im sure you can Google it, too, otherwise you can just learn from experience. It's all generally very universal unless you meet a Homestuck, and pretty soon, picking out and giving out emotions in everyday text will be a little easier.

That's all I got right now. Thank you for reading this far and indulging me with this topic. It's okay if you want to keep your avenues of conversation far away from texting, because it's all your own choice, but just know that if you ever do find someone interesting who speaks better in text, it's not impossible for you to communicate with them as well in that format. Just takes practice :) (<- that's a genuine, gentle smile, otherwise I would use c: or :3. Someone else may use it differently, however. Think of it like my personal accent.)

[trashbinbackyard]

so many good questions aaaaaa but uhh 1-10, 15-24, 26, 33, 39, 49, 50 for ivana and hecca wadda hell, if you want you can toss in a zoe too for the milf trifecta

bad milf, goth milf and jock milf

How old are they?

Ivana is in her late 40′s, 47-49 

Hecca is quite young, around 90

Zoe is nearing/is in her sixties. I’m bad with specific ages saddvggeqheth

What gender are they?

Trans woman

Trans woman

Cis woman

What is their romantic/sexual orientation?

Demiromantic lesbian

Pansexual

Lesbian

How tall are they?

She’s huge, 195cm

She’s even huge’er, 210cm

Not as tall but still pretty tall: 182

What do they look like?

Like she’s had seven facelifts, very narrow face with noticeable cheekbones, topping off the cinched face look is a tall skinny ponytail, she’s lean, no way skinny noodle but not heavily muscular either

She’s albino, white skin and feathers, quite broad shoulders, she’s had few surgeries, on her chest and hips/butt to get an hourglass shape

She’s got a rectangular body shape, she’s wide as shit and muscular, thighs that can crush a watermelon and biceps the size of rihura’s thigh

What are their defining features?

Tall and narrow

She thicc

Wide smile and cross scar on her forehead

Does their name have a meaning?

Nah

Came across Hecca on alien name generator and thought it sounded close to hecate and thats neat

nah

What family do they have?

Mom and pops somewhere, probably not in talking mood, she visits them like once a year

Mom and dad back in homeworld, cut off, she’s raising her girl on her own

Both parents dead, nothing traumatic, just old age

Do they have a good relationship with their family?

It’s not As Bad as you might first think, but its not great either, she’s a difficult person to be around and she got it from one of her parents, she drops by once in a blue moon just to check they’re all good, no warm family dinners there

She was cut out from the family for running off to outer rim and and then she got a baby, and she just doesn’t want to make contact again, she’s trying to make it on her own

She still talks with her ex Nina and their son. Her relationship with their son is getting better by the month now that she has time to work on it

If not, why not?

She just comes from a weird family

She wanted to do her own thing, didn’t wanna stay and study, nor did she want to marry, got some pressure from her parents and sibling so she just left it all

Ngl she wasn’t that great of a wife or parent for a while, she never had bad intentions but some people just dont have it in them at the moment to be the best

Who is their best friend?

Idk if she even has friends, Hecca once was but now the two barely speak

She’s got a small friend group she hangs around with when she got free time

Reno, for decades, been through thick and thin with him

Do they have any enemies?

Plenty, criminals prolly dont like someone competent leading a force made just for catching them

Not really, she likes minding her own business

The pigs

Who is the person they hate most in the world?

She has special place in her cold dead heart for Ipes

No one really, she doesn’t like Ivana but she doesn’t quite hate her

No special enemies here

Do they have any love/hate relationships?

Every relationship with her is a love/hate one, though the love part is hard to point out

Again, she doesn’t really hate anyone

Ivana, she respects her fellow high rankers but she just makes it so hard

Have they ever fallen in love?

Sure

Few times

Absolutely

Who is the person they love the most in the world?

She and Hecca had their difficulties but she would never wish harm on her or her baby

Her girl, Ineqira, or ini for short

Her son, Malcolm, Reno

Does that person love them back?

Not really

Absolutely

Her son not so much as she loves him but they’re trying, Reno absolutely

Have they ever hurt or lost anyone?

Yes and yes, most of the time by just being inconsiderate and brash, few times seen a comrade kick the bucket

Her family, she didn’t take joy in leaving

Yes, hurt her ex and son, lost comrades and it did hurt her too to see adele gone

Are they a good shoulder to cry on?

No, she would just advice bottling up any feelings and then just throwing them into the ocean, or go start a fight in bar, she dont give a shit

Yes, she puts up a brave face to seem tough but she’s pretty emotionally intelligent

Not really? Like she tries but all she can really offer is a listening ear, but sometimes that’s all you need

Are they well liked?

Respected? Yes. Liked? Not really.

She’s pleasant, though she can be bit brash and not for everyone’s tastes

Kinda? Again it takes a certain type of person to be able to handle her company, but she’s not mean or anything she’s just very loud and a hothead

Are they an affectionate person?

No

Yes

She tries, oh my god does she try

Do they like themselves?

She’s just fine with herself, doesn’t hate or love necessarily, doesn’t spend too much time dwelling on it or else she would have to face the fact that she’s not a good person

Yes, she likes what’s she’s got going on, loves being a mom, after few surgeries she also loves how she looks

Yup, though there’s room for improvement

How do they react to criticism?

Most of the time just brush it off, unless it’s big boss Orion telling her off, then she better listen

If she was open to it she’ll take it in, but otherwise just brush it off, but if it hurt really bad then try to brush it off with a tub of space ben and jerrys

Again, depending on who’s it coming from, but she always makes a point to remember all valid ones, if a cop tells her she’s doing something wrong she’s most likely to just go ask Reno or Very Big Boss Of Bounty Hunters Who I will make someday what they think about it

What is their job?

Bounty hunter commander of Outer rim, still does active duty

She runs a laundromat

Bounty hunter commander, though slightly less important than Reno in the office, she deals with third parties like cops, navy and individuals outside of the force

Do they enjoy their job?

Yup, she gets to boss people around And shoot

Yep, she likes the chill work it is to just watch over the register and help customers choose the right laundry sauce if needed. Her place is also a very much no-tell bc if she sees someone bring a basket of bloody clothes she just wants to stay out of it

Yes, she’s worked had to earn her title and loves working with Reno, also loves telling pigs off and disappointing anyone who wanted to meet just Reno

[minecraftoworymode]

bob the old builders

#OK I KNOW WANDA PAINTED THIS I JUST KNOW SHE DID #WHY DID THEY CUT THIS THUIS SO FUNNY #MCSM #also the steve placeholder.. bro im telling u.. they keep confirming my lore #it keeps Happening #Many Thoughts Head Full. #ok but the fact its Just Fred raises many questions like binta knew about xara and rom but they arent considered on the same level as fred #even though the three of them created the universe together... so is it just like the three divided communities rewriting their own religio #steve here is very likely just a placeholder like hes been in concept art before but like... i have no doubt in my mind soren would be here #i stand by my fucking lore to the grave that the first ever steve avatars were the first builders and soren was a part of them #and thats THAT. on THAT. period.

@b0x​ TO BORROW A PHRASE, YOUR THIRD EYE IS NOT ONLY OPEN BUT SHOOTING DEADLY LASERS (I HOPE ITS OK TO TAG YOU/SHOW YOUR TAGS AHHGHHDFHGDFHGK) I’D LOVE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT YOUR LORE?!?!? N AS AN OFFERING I WOULD LIKE TO EXTEND MY OWN THOTS ON THESE FUNKY LITTLE CUBES

(related to my ideas on classes and worlds)

SO steve n alex do factor in to my mcsm au but they weren’t the first humans (or humans at all for that matter but. thats another post)- those would indeed be the old builders (tho i also like to call them ‘moderators/mods’ bc, ha ha admins and mods... n i kind of like the idea of referring to them collectively as the moderation bc none of them have ANY impulse control except maybe soren and otto once every century or so.)

i think the admins took on (at the very least) three “proteges” among them and we meet most in game. i’ll be naming the groups by the time-honoured convention of ‘shared flawed mindset that bites them in the tushie’.

“WHO NEEDS HEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS WHEN YOU HAVE GODLIKE POWERS? IF I’M HAVING FUN EVERYONE ELSE SHOULD BE TOO!”: mevia, hadrian, cassie rose, with romeo’s favourite probably being hadrian. all obsessed with being extra, getting what they want, and being generally choleric. i mean you couldn’t just sit down and talk things out like a reasonable adult, you had to build a death mansion murder mystery complete with scooby doo style killersona? you couldn’t just keep your games fun and balanced, you HAD to turn it into a minecraft hunger games where no one is there by choice just so you can be amused by the struggles of people you dont see as people? you couldn’t just offer a good enough reward to entice jesse to come to your icy palace of doom willingly, you had to trash their town and then threaten their entire world?? guys, please go to therapy. please.

"I KNOW THIS SITUATION ISN’T RIGHT BUT I NEED WAIT UNTIL I CAN BE SURE I’M MAKING THE BEST AND FAIREST DECISION I- OOPS THERE GOES MY WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY TO ACT. WELP, TIME TO TRIP AND SPILL ALL MY TICTACS”: otto, soren, (binta?? i have no canon justification for this one but making it make sense is,,, another post ghklfHGLKD). as it seems that the old builders all have (or had until it got stolen/destroyed) an enchanted flint and steel, soren having had one would explain his books being in almost every other world the gang visits (including, notably, fred’s keep in the underneath..). though it doesn’t explain why soren’s ended up in a random loot chest. (at least, canon doesn’t- i have som hcs about why soren wouldn’t want to draw the admin’s attention to himself, n using a flint and steel would definitely do that- so in this case it was probably ivor’s crowbrain going “ooo, shiny artifact! might as well steal that too for when i’m done with this whole command block stuff.”)

“I’M ABOUT TO GO ABSOLUTELY OFF THE SHITS AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME. MAY MY PATRON SAINT MUMBO JUMBO BE WITH ME TODAY, BECAUSE THIS MAY OR MAY NOT GO HORRIBLY WRONG. FOR SCIENCE!!!”: harper, isa, (yeah i dont really know who could be the third one in canon- idt ellegaard was an old builder- so this ones a big ole ???), with harper being xara’s favourite. admittedly i’m not sure about isa, she’s only really here because of the eversource- but considering the only others who mention those are the old builders, well... wrt isa’s lack of old builder powers, i think that xara’s old builders liked to try doing things that had never been done before (or any visionary-aligned individuals, really,, hence the name ghklfdhglkd). for harper that was building pokemon red in minecraft pama, and for isa that was renouncing her old builder powers so as to live amongst her people like one of them (tho this was more of a social experiment).

finally, the purpose of the old builders (DELVING STRAIGHT INTO HC TERRITORY HERE)- in addition to having beings to interact with other than the villagers- were to be sort of microcosms of what romeo is/was to the mcsm universe as operator/op, but for individual worlds (bc the admins aren’t going to be in all of them at once, even if they can inhabit multiple bodies). the role of the operator is to be the creator and catalyst, to keep the universe/server running, to introduce new factors into it so that it can grow and become something better than it was before. (this also means that romeo literally cannot die/be killed, bc the universe is dependent on his existence.)

it’s not that worlds can’t take care of themselves, but in the event of potentially catastrophic threats emerging, it’d be good to have someone with admin powers lite to step in and stop things before things escalated n potentially spread to other worlds- tho only as a very very very last resort, bc otherwise how are u gonna farm champions?

anyhow this post is getting. pretty loNG so, on a last note- my stance on canon lore (esp mcsm lore, or what little of it there is) is that they’re more guidelines than actual rules so i’ll admit some of my au (new game +) does just yeet canon, tho i tried to keep the absolute wildest shit out of this post. again, i’d be SUPER interested in hearing more about your own takes on the lore/plot/literally any aspect of this game?!?!?! my hyperfixation level has been at 418% for the past few months and it hasnt gone down and i am. s o thirsty for content... i hoPE IT WASN’T PRESUMPTUOUS OF ME TO MAKE THIS POST N ALSO THAT UR HAVING A GOOD DAY/NIGHT/PERIOD OF THE 24-HOUR CYCLE WE BASE OUR LIVES UPON AAAAAAA

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

[kidmachinate]

Allow Me To Re-introduce Myself

For years I thought I was crazy. I thought there was no way to explain why I went about relationships or feelings for someone the way I have. How I could have it all right in front of me and just do nothing, where the typical guy would just take what is offered. It wasn't just a choice. It is a way of life. I found out the definition of a demisexual.

There's so many labels out there for people. More than ever. So we can identify better sure...but people should and are so much more than their labels. However, there is some comfort in knowing why I would at times fall for people and develop a attraction that can feel strong. A strong foundation is built through friendship and then, you're just in heaven. However, this doesn't always go as planned. Building up that friend foundation takes time and by the time you're set, they may just have someone. Jumping in and out of whatever relationship or one night stand just doesn't compute.

Furthermore, I think I'm leaning more towards a Agnostic now than an Atheist. I can't prove god exists and frankly no one can. However, embracing the idea that some things can never truly be understood and that people can and will find value in this, that change of thought in itself I think is bringing me closer to Agnostic beliefs. Or perhaps this is just a open minded Atheist? That one I guess is up for interpretation but to my knowledge that is the difference. One I welcome because Atheists can have the opposite problem anyone of religion does. My belief is law, and yours is nonsense. Well, I dont belief in anything because it isn't real. So you made up gods are nonsense. It gets old on both sides. Agnostic is the happy medium, is my take on the matter.

I'm not sure anything else is technically new but I've perhaps strengthened qualities once criticized, but realized they are good. There is value in loving/caring for others if there is good intent. It is just a matter of how it is distributed that is key. Wasting such care on ones dedicated to either misunderstanding you or a lack of desire to help themselves, you should withdraw from that and out your focus both where it matters and will be fulfilling to you as well. You can show empathy and even love from afar if needed. You are however not obligated to stick around. Sticking around in toxic scenarios is like feeling online trolls. It doesn't stop, the madness continues, and it is a waste of your time.

Some more food for thought is the following. How exactly is it one gets a pass for something fucked up and decides to accept the person still, but then otherwise, someone else does something fucked up and it isn't okay? Simple. Personal bias. Which leads me to this thought. Maybe it isn't about all the similarities and body type preferences... but the right amount of fucked up that meshes well with yours. Let's get real here. In today's world, we're ALL a little bit fucked up. Building that connection is far more important than physical attraction although ideally, I'd still not want to be with someone at a unhealthy weight on either side of the spectrum, because both have their own set of concerns. There's plenty of shapes and sizes in between and that strong friendly connection leads to falling hard. So when that person you may have put your all into that may or may not know it yet leaves or ends up unavailable, it can be devastating.

Sometimes, you just have to laugh at yourself as well. Because really, while you might be swiping left on what feels like everyone, you find that one that likes the one or two same obscure things you do and them BAM! Instant attraction! Doesn't always pan out. I'm trying to be smarter about all that. Make no mistake however...you have to try to learn. I have no regrets but still have a heavy heart from time to time. So it's time we hit the reset button, give off some general love and empathy to others, while reserving that partner love for the special someone.

Could someone else out there perhaps become best friends with Murphy? Hooray for dreams gone before they come. If you are out there, I guess that would a make hypothetical us, the lucky ones.

[harryseyebrows]

Hmm I dunno. Maybe he asks Jeff if he wants to be in the delivery room with him, and Jeff is like ... do u want me there?? And then Harry’s like um yeah obviously. Or there could be something more climactic. Like Harry goes out for dinner with a male friend, and Jeff gets sort of twitchy and weird and jealous. And they get in a fight when Harry gets home, like Jeff makes a comment about their sleeping situation and Harry’s “date” and Harry’s like “it wasn’t a date because I love YOU”

why not BOTH. so harry has to decide like.. how he wants to do things lol and because jeff goes with him to is appointments, jeff is present when harry discusses it with his OB. c-section? he’d rather not; major abdominal surgery just really lacks appeal for him. epidural? yes, because he’d like to avoid as much pain as possible. hospital or birthing center? a hospital makes him feel more safe, but he won’t exclude the possibility of a center, either. all of these things make jeff’s head spin a bit, because it’s really happening. not right now, obviously. but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. they’re going to have a baby. one little person thats made up of all the little parts of the two of them. he can barely wrap his head around it. but harry’s sitting next to him, casually talking about ‘bearing down like you’re having a bowel movement’ and its just totally bizarre. a baby. the whole process seems really intense and scary and embarrassing and he knows that harry isnt a very shy person but he wonders if he’ll want jeff in the room with him. so he asks. and a mild argument ensues but NO DRAMATIC REVEALS YET!!!

perhaps when harry goes on his little outing, he’s roughly 8 months and some weeks along. thoroughly pregnant. while he’s getting ready, jeff makes some comment like ‘are you sure you should be going out like that?’ because its january in london (harry wanted to have the baby at home - not LA home, but home home; and of course, jeff followed) and it’s slippery out and cold and well. jeff just really doesnt like the idea of harry going out with some random guy (he’s not actually a random guy, he’s a small-scale producer that harry is considering working with) when he’s carrying their baby. harry, for his part, mostly ignores jeff’s sourness. he gets dressed in relative silence - he doesn’t ask for help when he tries to wiggle into his elastic waist jeans, even though he almost falls over twice. he simply slips on his coat and boots and leaves with a curt, ‘there’s stuff for pasta in the cabinet.’ jeff tries to watch TV while he’s gone, but he’s too restless to focus. can’t stop thinking about harry and that guy, blake or brian, whatever his name is, putting his hand on harry’s forearm or touching his lower back. he does end up making pasta and it helps distract him a bit, but his mind is still going a mile a minute. he’s mostly relaxed until harry walks through the door two hours later and then jeff’s frustration and doubt and anger, if he’s being honest, are all renewed, fresh like a recently picked scab. 

‘have fun?’ he asks, voice snide and mean in a way he never is with harry. ever. 

harry is in the middle of putting his coat on a hanger. ‘what?’ he asks, eyebrows furrowing. his cheeks are very pink, from the cold. he should’ve worn a scarf. 

‘on your little date. did you have fun?’ jeff places extra emphasis on the word ‘date’, lets it clang out of his mouth like a bullet. 

harry rounds on him. he wobbles for a second because his center of balance has been off since month five, but he casts an imposing figure, his green eyes turned hard and fiery. that’s another thing that’s changed. Pregnant Harry is different from Not-Pregnant Harry; now he always seems ready for a fight. 

‘excuse me?’

jeff shrugs, feigning innocence. ‘is he nice? did he pick up the bill?’

harry’s boots clack loudly on the hardwood as he storms over to where jeff is sitting. ‘what’s your problem?’ 

‘just looking out. wanna make sure that we get the vetting process done early. so that when you guys start playing house we don’t run into any surprises.’

he doesn’t know where any of this is coming from. everything is oozing out of him like lava - hot and molten and burning. he watches as harry visibly flinches, stung. 

‘you’re being an asshole right now,’ harry spits, and jeff catches the moment his lower lip starts to tremble. ‘it was a business meeting. i wanted to talk to him about doing a song, you absolute dickhead.’

jeff wants to wash himself down a sink and turn on the garbage disposal. he knew all of that. really, he did. but he had to go ahead and let his insecurities get the best of him. and now he’s made harry upset. 

he stands and puts his hands up in surrender. ‘h…’ he tries, but harry shakes his head. 

‘no. don’t touch me. don’t even– i don’t even want to look at you right now.’

jeff feels that like a punch to his solar plexus. he nods, because he deserves it. 

‘listen. i’m sorry. i shouldn’t– i didn’t mean those things.’

harry’s eyes are glistening now, and he hastily scrubs at them before any tears can fall, turning so block jeff’s view. ‘yes you did. otherwise you wouldn’t have said them.’

jeff swallows. ‘well. i shouldn’t have said them. it’s not fair to you. i– even if it wasn’t just… for business. you’re like. allowed to see people.’

out of everything, that gets harry’s attention the most. his head whips around so quick jeff worries about him snapping his neck. he sounds borderline hysterical. ‘what?’

‘i just–’

‘what are you on about? do you hear yourself?’

‘you–’

‘no. be quiet. you’ve done enough talking,’ harry says, chest heaving as he breathes quickly. ‘i dont know if you’ve noticed or not, but im pregnant. im having your baby. we moved in together! we literally live under the same roof. sleep in the same bed. i make you coffee in the morning. and im not doing that because i want to play house. i do it because i–’ his face scrunches up. he looks at the ground and lets out a huff of humorless laughter. ‘because i love you. not anyone else. you.’

jeff drops heavily back onto the couch. he puts his head in his hands. can’t believe how badly he’s fucked this up. because surely harry can’t mean present tense. no, after this? jeff might as well start packing his bags now. 

‘harry,’ jeff says to his own socked feet. ‘im sorry.’

harry doesn’t move. doesn’t make a sound. he lets jeff marinate in his own gloriously-proportioned mistake. 

jeff continues, chancing a glance upwards. ‘i can go. if you want. im sure you dont want me around right now.’ 

harry sighs and throws his arms up in exasperation. ‘did you not listen to one thing i just said?’

‘but–’

‘i only want you around. that’s the whole point. even when you make me really, really fucking mad and say stupid, shitty things.’

this is it. jeff wrings his hands together. he stands up and takes a few steps forward, but leaves some space between them. his whole body is tingling, both from harry’s admission and his own, that’s sitting just on the tip of his tongue, ready to be catapulted out there into the open. 

‘i–’ his voice nearly breaks. he swallows and tries again. ‘i love you. too. i mean, in general.’

harry’s still royally pissed - jeff can feel it coming off him in waves - but he can’t conceal the way his lips wobble as he tries to fight a smile. 

‘you’re an idiot,’ he says. ‘a complete idiot. i cook you dinner and ask to cuddle all the time and wash your hair in the shower sometimes. and you thought i was doing all of that, for what? just to be nice?’

‘i didnt know what to think! one minute you’re all comely and sweet, and the next you’re yelling at me because i put a spoon in the wrong drawer.’

‘ive got a baby sitting on my bladder! im hormonal! and you’re the one who did it to me!’

jeff’s throat goes dry. now is not the time to be thinking about that. 

in a few short strides, harry closes the gap between them. well, as much as he can when he has almost a whole foot of belly jutting out from his middle. he grabs jeff by the wrist and brings his hand to the curve of his stomach, just under his ribs. it only takes a few seconds for jeff to feel tiny thumps under his palm and fingers. 

harry cups him around the back of his neck with his free hand. up against jeff’s ear, he softly says, ‘even without this… without them. id still love you.’

jeff presses his forehead against harry’s. ‘i didn’t ruin things, did i?’

harry moves jeff’s hand, so it’s resting over his heart instead. ‘no. this is yours, too.’

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THATS THE SAPPIEST SHIT IVE EVER WRITTEN OH MY GODDDDDDDDDD IM GONNA PUKE!!!!!!!!!!!

[thisbrutalbelle]

Stroll Home || Damek&Bella

@talbotlegacy:

“You could say that… I mean… I’ve seen Damek meet with an old… Acquaintance of his a couple of times now… And I’m saying acquaintance for a lack of a better term…” She said with amusement. “I don’t remember seeing him acting so… Free… like that before… I’m sure he missed this. Belonging to someplace… Even though he might grow back to feeling the urge to roam around again…”

Ocean locked one green eye on the vampire, much like Damek would do before a speech that was meant to go deeper within someone’s mind. “Strange can also mean unique. Damek has seen a lot of things out in the world. I doubt he has any negative opinion about ‘strangeness’. And so do I. I’m pretty sure we can hold our ground if needed, child. Remember that if you ever need help to ‘handle it’. Okay?” Ocean’s eyes were firm and piercing, almost as if she was searching for something in Bellamy’s eyes. She seemed to have found it, because soon after she glanced back to their track.

“Oh well… Those are mostly Oleander’s fault… But Damek did add to that…” She mused and bumped her shoulder gently against Bellamy’s leg.

Ocean wasn’t one to laugh at loud but Bellamy’s words managed just that. “You see… As bright as my Damek is… He’s so awfully easy to scare, because he’s also so easily distracted… So… There he was… Following the ritual to the perfection, like he always does… Calling on the three nights of full moon, risking a werewolf attack… And I heard it from the first night mind you… But the third night I decided to… Growl… And howl… Actually… I made friends with wolves and asked them to howl for me… And other creatures of the forest making noises such as to feign a werewolf hunt… And Damek… Blessed be… He ran. He actually ran, but at the same time he cast spells! Just to distract us. And then he was inside the safety of a rune circle in the middle of a clearing… And… You see, Bella, he was terrified! But he was also standing his ground! And I knew that was the kind of human I wouldn’t mind answering the call. And that was how I almost gave Damek a heart attack in the middle of a forest in France.” She sounded humble but she was proud of her feat and Damek made it a point to always keep his eyes on Ocean whenever he thought she’d do something like that again.

“What? No! I don’t think so… I was just think about his general behavior… He keeps charging ahead, no matter the challenge…”

         “Iann?” Bellamy asked, having had her Pa mention that he knew the man whose Uncle had owned the bookstore before Bella had even gone in. To Bella it sounded like Damek was smitten with Iann, though Bella jumped to this conclusion often. Iann had a charisma to him that both worked to his advantage and against it. “He might grow it back but people tend to stay, at least longer than they usually plan when they first arrive.”

        Bellamy smiled out of politeness. She had mostly used strange for the same purpose and though it was nice Ocean wanted to console her Bellamy had accepted that parts of what she was weren’t good. It didn’t make them her fault, unless she acted on them, but they existed regardless. “I’m sure you could try and stand your ground,” she offered up. No one in the past had ever done well trying because it was impossible to stop, something that lacked a physical form tended to be. The only person who had actually been unaffected before was a demon, but the body had an the hosts mind had, unbeknownst to Bella who could only see the response of the demon in control.

       Listening intently as they walked Bella laughed at little, Damek trying all these things to summon his familiar, all the while she was befriending wolves to play a trick on him. The corners of her mouth rose more genuinely, an amusement to them as a focus came over her eyes. “What a place to do it too, gorgeous sort of one, you’ll have to tell me where, now that I’m single maybe I can hit up some of those wolves,” Bellamy commented, assuming they were werewolves otherwise communication could have been challenging. “He forgave you though, I’d assume.”

          Her tone and expression had implied something beyond her intent so Bella was relieved she did not think Damek would move on from her. “What challenge is there now?” she asked as they reached the store, Bella pushing the door open for the both of them.

[bramblepaws]

meat part 4, where dirk starts talking about philosophy and I Start Yelling

both of you can go fuck urselves because I’VE read Kierkegaard, and it has done NOTHING to improve my life or thoughts about the self!!!

i should reread Kierkegaard.

also besides, defining what the self is.. is so!! subjective!! there are already so many people who have tried. is it simply a bundle of experiences? is it your flesh and blood? are we gonna delve into  the mind/body problem?? HUH HUSSIE? ARE WE GONNA DO PHILOSOPHY UP IN THIS BITCH?? THAT’S WHAT I MAJORED IN SO IM READY TO KICK YOUR ASS,

oh god now we’re going into free-will debates? im going to be trapped in this comic forever.

“i think therefore i am” actually is interesting but Descartes also said that our souls control our bodies like we’re driving a car so. also he was a big part of the reason i don’t even believe in souls anymore. god!!!!!! i should reread Descartes

dirk that’s not even like a philosophical theory, that’s just A Way Of Talking

oh now you’re gonna bring truth and validity into this? huh? socrates is a man or whatever garbage? HUH??? ho

okay finally circling back to the free will thing, which IS actually really interesting. i’m completely fascinated by the idea that there isn’t actually free will, because we don’t choose the DNA we are created with or the circumstances we are born into, and we make all decisions in life off of those, so therefore we will react to any outside stimuli in the same way every time. BUT the free will argument also reminds me why people hate philosophy, because it’s one of those questions that i always want to automatically respond with “shut up? don’t ask me that? bye?”

because we CAN’T live life if we don’t think that there’s free will! we have to act as though there is, otherwise we’ll fall into a state where we distance ourselves from our own actions and don’t take responsibility for anything we do.

so it’s extra concerning that Dirk keeps honing in on this, because... is he following the line of thought that there isn’t free will, and therefore distancing himself from his own actions and just doing what he “knows he will” or whatever? or is he, by trying to take control of the narrative, attempting to prove that he is the only one who has free will, and break out of it? but even doing that doesn’t subvert the idea that he would be taking that action due to Being Who He Is.

THAT IS, QUITE FRANKLY, UP FOR DEBATE!!! YOU CAN’T JUST DECIDE WHICH PHILOSOPHICAL LINE OF THOUGHT IS “RIGHT” LIKE THAT. some people don’t even believe that experiences matter. some people don’t even think that matter matters! some people don’t think that there’s anything BUT matter, and others think there’s matter and non-matter, and how the hell do those even interact? and some people!!! think that we aren’t even any of that!! that individuality is purely how we interact with the world around us, with no “mind” at all!! they’re wrong but like the theories of thought are out there and who are you to wave them away without a counter-argument that other people can dissect forever because philosophers always use stupid ambiguous language.

also i can’t believe you’re bringing in the bundled experiences thing that i mentioned earlier.

okay so if the self is, hypothetically speaking, a collection both of your base personality traits and your experiences, dirk is saying that the ultimate self is just the base personality plus Every Possible Experience you could have. which IS interesting to think about, but like, also bizarre? because if you explore every possible experience, how would that change you as a person? human brains don’t have the capacity for that sort of memory (hence rose unraveling i guess). but like... part of how our personalities are created is through cherry-picking the events that most strongly correlate to how we conceptualize ourselves. so our vision of ourselves ALSO influences the self. and we can’t have conflicting views of the self, because then there’s like... fracturing... you can’t visualize yourself as detail-oriented AND not detail-oriented. you can maybe sort them into different categories, like being detail-oriented when it comes to the physical space you occupy but being non detail-oriented when it comes to, say, reading a situation. but you can’t... apply both concepts to the exact same thing, because then it’s a paradox.

and our visions of the self are key in making future decisions. if our Selves are unlimited, Ultimate even, how would anyone be able to make decisions? it doesn’t even matter if they have free will or not! because in the scenario of not having free will, the traits and experiences informing each decision will be nearly infinite, which will mean that there won’t be one answer. you’d be literally paralyzed by possibility! because even if the base personality is the same across all universes, experiences DO shape you as a person. and there are some things that may be inevitable, but there’s so much that could go differently. Even just something like... a rock randomly falling and crushing one of your arms. it’s a traumatic experience, it shapes you, it changes how you interact with the world. and it wasn’t caused by anything you did; it was an entirely random act of the universe. so that You is inherently different from the you of a universe where the rock fell 10 seconds after you’d passed by already. 

i got lost in the weeds a bit here. but like.. also under the theory that we DO have free will. this is still the case? our personalities change. we could maybe make decisions, but we’d be caught up in a wave of possibilities and just.. different ways of thinking that would all contradict each other. like me, Choosing To Read The Epilogues. i probably wouldn’t have done it if Tang hadn’t come back to talk on tumblr about them! or, if we want to get crazy, maybe i wouldn’t have done it if i had my arm crushed by a rock! because i’d be like “this is long as fuck and i have to take life by the horns, i dont have TIME to read this, im BUSY”

i dunno it’s just. the ultimate self is insane to think about when you apply it to Real Philosophical thinking. basically what im saying is.... it’s not about being strong? it’s about becoming a literal paradox in the universe. 

and what’s the point of becoming your ultimate self, anyways! i think. if you could SEE your own experiences from other selves, that would be different. understanding “that’s another way things could have gone, and those are the results of it” is something that Could Work. it would increase someone’s understanding of both themselves and of consequences in general. but without being able to conceptualize those actions as happening to specifically Other You, everything becomes too much. you suddenly have conflicting personality traits with no direct line that you can follow across experiences, everything gets jumbled together inside of you, and it becomes SO much harder to understand. it’s hard enough understanding how our experiences shape our personality even with Just One!

unless Dirk thinks that the ultimate self is going to be able to parse through all of that clearly, which i guess they’d Have To if they were gonna be able to do literally anything. but even still, how would they choose? it’s not like their personalities are going to be Amplified, there’s just going to be a million more nuances now that they’ll have to sift through.

i feel like i’ve started circling around my own argument, which is what philosophers do so i guess im valid. but i’ll shut up for now and just keep reading. 

and that’s the main fucking issue here, dirk!!!!! regret is important! regret is a part of growing and making different choices!!

hm

first of all: i do not like you. second of all, if anything, you’re HER mirror. you’re the foil that was introduced halfway through the whole storyline. binch.

god is this gonna be some sort of star wars bullshit huh. come to the dark side i am your father etc, etc

wow i hate this! also we haven’t talked about philosophy in a while so ig im done for now