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#i hate the person who groomed me.
thebekashow · 1 month
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if DeviantArt has taught me anything, it's these things
always ask your role-player how old they fucking are (groomed.)
be careful what you tag because fetish freaks will like the hell out of it.
there is always drama with someone you do or don't know and you can't do shit.
if you like someones art and comment on it, you now owe them your soul.
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I just find it mind-boggling that some people will reblog things like “Anakin didn’t care about Rex and his men, he wouldn’t listen to Fives just because he was friends with Palpatine” and then in the next post be gushing over Rexwalker/Rexanidala like???? so you agree. Anakin does care about Rex?
#some people will literally hate on either Anakin or the Jedi council for reasons that explicitly contradict the point of the prequels#and then YOU'RE either toxically positive or condoning abuse for liking all the characters and having a nuanced view of things#the takes I mentioned in the body of this post literally wiped out the fact that Palpatine groomed and manipulated him for Years just so-#-they could say “wow the clones didn’t deserve what that horrible guy Anakin did to them”#me: okay. so you’re saying they didn’t deserve for him to show kindness and friendship and help reinforce the mindset of individuality they#-already had and that the majority of jedi encouraged because they are a group who treasure individuality and have compassion on everyone &#-all things???#Anakin could be a shit person but he wasn’t to the clones and I will die on this hill#“he enslaved them” you’re pinning that on ANAKIN. a literal former slave. not the Republic or the Kaminoans?#he would have 0 reason to enslave them because he knows what that’s like. he’s been through that#why. WHY do people blame Anakin or the Jedi for 100% of everything going wrong instead of Palpatine.#you can blame Anakin for the choices he made and the Jedi Order for the oversights and legalism they started to have during the war#but enslavement of the clones??? not listening to Fives because of Palpatine???#if you want to blame Anakin for the clones being slaves you have to blame the rest of the Jedi too#and we all know how rare it is for ‘Anakin antis’ to also be ‘Jedi order antis’#quotation because there is a certain connotation and generalisation that comes with those phrases these days#I just don’t understand why Anakin is to blame for that specifically. blame him for being angry and violent and obsessive and turning to th#dark side logic+morals be damned to save one person yes but slavery??? he didn’t know about the chips and if he did you bet your ass he-#-would hate them just as much as the slave monitors on Tatooine#anyway#I want to see both sides of the debate i really do because some people have really good points on character motivations etc#but it’s getting ridiculous at this point. I always try to be a calm and positive space but some of y’all’s takes are contradictory bullshi#Fandom salt#swift talks#Swift rambles in the tags#vent#Jedi positive#meta#ish?#jedi positivity
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exausta-verytired · 27 days
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this is far from the worse one it's the example I give for not being explicit but like I fully internalized the word "nymphet" when I was young I thought that was a real thing and a normal way of refering to myself because I could tell there was something different between me and the normal happy kids but I didn't know how to say "adultification, religious racism and anticomunism made men objectify me and the fact I was already 'broken' made them comfortable enough with just being another rapist instead of the first one" so I just used that instead
#which was the LEAST offensive narrative about me the sex demon brought as divine punishment for my family was hmmm a choice from neighbours#just... can we think a little about what the word grooming implies#I had it good it wasn't incest#'had it good' might be dramatic I just mean breaking narratives that justify abuse it's even harder when it comes from the household#I've worked with many girls who explained me what they thought of as 'father-daughter caress'#but don't worry I don't rank trauma me and my ex has that weird competitions of 'you had the more fucked up childhood' it did wonders for m#so whenever I say 'at least it wasn't incest' i can hear his delulu voice right next to me saying 'oh yeah? having only one rapist is#objectively better than multiple. I'm a man you're a woman. checkmate!' okay babyboy that works so well about your bio father you live with#weird insane teenage rage would never allow anyone else to talk about me like he does but it was good for us#because the real joke is you can invalidate any victim about how it was 'not that bad' if you talk long enough which people do#but I'm going on too many tangents today#but if there's too things I've learnt is that you can be traumatised by sex you technically 'consented' to#but also every rape victim feels guilty about 'participating' too much especially when it's a repeated abuser#and we blame ourselves for stuff we recognise as manipulation/threats/coercion easily when it's someone else#my will to delete this one versus the fact every time I mention our worse fight me going 'oh yeah cuz an 8 year old would win an argument#against his only parent that is threatening the other kids' versus him 'oh but you should win at 10 against the man who threatened to arrest#your father' and me screaming 'DIFFERENT' but having my brain rewritten... has had people telling me 'thats helpful' more than once ugh#also i fucking hate the way rapists talk to children I cant count on a single hand how many cases of 'entertain me or I cant promise I wont#do anything to the younger ones' I have PERSONALLY witnessed.#.txt
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thedevilsfamiliar · 3 months
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Not my mom wondering why I don’t like her friend
I’m sorry 🙄 I’m sorry I don’t like your home wrecking friend who fucked a married man and THOUGHT he’d leave his wife for her
What a dumbass
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derpinette · 9 months
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as soon as i want to relax i start thinking about how vulnerable my vitals are
#like when it is time for me to sleep or on the bus or just walking about outside#i always have my sides “hugged” sort of & i always worry about the back of my neck showing#( could entice someone into stabbing me there ) like on the bus or in class i keep thinking about how easily#someone behind me could just snap & stab me in the neck#i am a paranoid person like this in general in 2019 i was too scared to wear my hair in pigtails because i was paranoid some crazy person#with scissors would cut them off & run away ( sometimes i start thinking too much & it starts going into witchcraft territory )#( like OMG i am så going to get cursed for a laugh or out of boredom using those !!!!! same with nail grooming i only file )#anyway so when i try to sleep i keep thinking about how someone could just barge into my house & stab me in the kidneys & chest#& it feels so real so i have to curl up into a ball so the thought goes away#but then i think like any position is stabbable & nothing i do can protect me. no one say guns i am north african#maybe i need to start hiding weapons under my clothes again just to feel safer i used to hide blades in my bra when i was crazy in 2020#i think i am getting back there lately but surely this is fine whatever. Who caare & i mean that genuinely i have already been there#butUGH I HATE feeling so vulnerable to The Killer like i know what wendy williams means but honestly the thought of not dying scares me moa#kind of like how the anticipation of a needle is scary only you get stabbed or attacked & bludgeoned in various ways#like anyone can do anything at any timeeven when i was a kid i would be walking places & think someone could so easily drop a bomb right no#or how gas cylinders can explode at any moment. & then i start visualizing & Feeling until my ears ring. anyway#sorry for my Sick & Twisted Dark & Sinister Mind#journaling. or like.something.
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kavehater · 2 months
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#There’s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻
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ficsandfandom · 2 years
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Harry Potter and Welcome to the World of Grey by sobsicles
so so so good! i spent basically the majority of the day reading this and finished it in that time and omfg the ROLLERCOASTER i have been on.
i went from laughing ACTUAL laughs to genuinely just sobbing- within the space of a single chapter.
reluctant guardian fics are my weakness anyway but the way this fic was written and just UGHHH everything made it perfect.
the characterisation, the morality, the FEELINGS!!! just made it seem so real and amazing and just so good!!!
pls pls pls go and read it bc like it’s needed.
and ik there’s gonna be a load of ppl annoyed bc drarry or guardian!voldie etc but cmon i couldn’t be annoyed if i tried to find problems with it bc of the way harry struggled with it too like get over it or just don’t read it xx
anyway
ITS SO GOOD PLS GO JUST BINGE IT PLS
(also i put effort into the tags and they’re rlly very fun to write and might acc give u a better idea of the fic than my rec so read them x)
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sga-owns-my-soul · 1 year
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i started a new job last week and today i had my fifth shift and my manager told me that she was really proud/surprised because i haven’t made a single mistake on the till yet (it’s a super old manual till where we punch in the price of everything by hand) and the till is always the hardest part of training and honestly i think i’ll be riding this high for the next week
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cosmicheartz · 2 years
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Really can’t have fucking shit huh
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oldhabitsdiescrming · 29 days
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#tate.txf#vent post#vent#tw vent#listening to so long london right now and fuck. fuck!#i remember hearing it the first time and realizing i was Not as healed as i thought i was.#while my relation to it isn't through a relationship-technically-it IS about the girl who groomed the fuck out of me at 13 years old ❤️#i was friends with her for three years and jesus fucking christ. she fucked me up in ways i'm still reeling from.#i took care of her-this grown ass adult-through everything. things no kid should be hearing about.#i was fourteen and not sleeping. when i did she would threaten to off herself because i wasn't replying.#i went HOUSE HUNTING for her. i was looking into odd jobs because i thought she needed my help.#when i finally took a mental health break after three years of carrying her sadness like a weight#she called me a monster. i was sixteen years old and watching someone who swore they loved me say the most horrible#god awful things. things i wouldn't say to the person i hated.#i had so many panic attacks over her. i would get in trouble because of how hard i fought to be there for her. i was a kid.#carrying a sadness that became my own purely because she deemed me vulnerable enough to carry the weight.#it's been years#and i am finally so. so. so angry.#i'm finally the age she was when she groomed me and i just. i don't understand. i don't understand how you can do that to a child.#im pissed off she let me give her that youth for free. im just getting color back into my face. she deserves prison but she won't get time.#i'm so angry after all this time. i wish her well. i hate her. i'm hurting. i don't understand any of it.#why was it my job to carry her up the hill? how much sadness did she think i had in me prior to her entry into my life?#i'm still afraid to talk to people. to make friends. to respond to my existing friends.#because i didn't know it was coming with her.#for a while there i'd believed i could forgive her. now i know i don't owe her that.#i am just getting color back into my face. i am mad as hell because i gave up my youth for someone who couldn't care less at the end.#oh the tragedy.#to delete#just had to finally say it somewhere.
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targnation (twitter) is so annoying i was on there b4 i even read the book and it altered my brain chemistry. they act like every targ was a saint or even just had good intentions or defended their crazy ass actions. like targaryens are dumb leave me alone let’s talk about smthn else.
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prickly-paprikash · 2 months
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Kendrick doesn't just hate Drake as a person. He hates the very idea of Drake.
Hip-Hop is rooted in revolution. In defiance. These are the songs of an oppressed group of people, and decades upon decades people have hated it. Accused of being meaningless and invalid. Media outlets took steps to belittle hip-hop and make sure it isn't recognized as an art form and as a means to fight back.
2Pac spoke of wealth disparity and inequality. Tupac was literally a member of a communist organization when he was younger and never stopped speaking against capitalism.
Lauryn Hill spoke of the struggles a woman faces. Not just women, but black women. Salt-N-Peppa. Queen Latifah. MISSY FUCKING ELLIOT.
N.W.A made sure people knew about police brutality and violence against the Black community.
And now, in this day and age, we're also experiencing an explosion of Queer Hip-Hop. Lil Nas X is at the forefront of this. Lil Uzi Vert came out as non-binary and uses they/them pronouns, even when they knew that a lot of their fans would never use it or even respect them for it. Auntie Diaries, a song about a young man who grew up in a transphobic environment and bought into those beliefs, but could never fully do it because his Uncle loved him so much and taught him a lot of life lessons, and that wisdom translated to him accepting his cousin as a woman as well.
Drake is none of that.
He's the perfect representation of what people think hip-hop is. Flexing. Posturing. Objectifying women. A fucker so insecure he bought 2Pac's ring just to feel like he's part of the black community. Rejected by Rihanna publicly. Tried to groom Millie Bobby Brown. Kissed and inappropriately touched an underage girl during his concert. His songs have inspired so many young boys to treat girls like shit. His belief that the amount of rings and chains and cars he has is the true meaning of success.
Additional Edit: This is my fault. If this post gains more views, then it would be remiss of me not to add to this. It was my fault to begin with, not stating this beforehand because while I did know, I got lost in celebrating Hip-Hop in a place that doesn't usually do so, and rightfully so.
2Pac did fight for wealth equality and better social living for the black community. He also has a long, long history of battery, domestic abuse, and sexual harassment against women. Specifically against women of color. He made a song to celebrate his own mother, but outright refused to give the same show of respect to other women in his life. His hypocritical nature was brushed off in later decades, just the way I did now.
N.W.A is the same. Sexual assault charges, violence—they spoke of Police reform, but refuses to give the same treatment back towards the women in their lives.
50 cent refuses to backtrack on any of his misogynistic lyrics.
Modern rappers of today, such as the dead XXXtentacion. 6ix9ine. Kodak Black.
I do love Hip-Hop. I love rap. And the music itself has always been anti-authoritarian at its core, because those are its roots. And I was happy that circles that did not normally know of it or enjoy it were getting into it, even for one thing like this rap feud.
Lil Nas X, Little Simz, Childish Gambino, Missy Elliot, Queen Latifah, Lauryn Hill—rappers who have at the very least consistently tried to put their money where their mouth is. Who have tried to act in accordance to what they rap and write and sing for.
@shehungthemoon @ohsugarsims finnthehumanmp3 were the ones who rightfully clarified in the comments. I know an apology won't correct my hypocrisy or my stupidity. I should have added all of this before making this post, but I wanted so badly to celebrate a genre of music but failed to do my due diligence in showing a better, holistic view of it. If anyone felt triggered, offended, troubled, frustrated or any other intense negative emotions surrounding this, please do block me. I'm sorry.
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i had a friend who was raped as a teenager and had a really strict mum who did not let her go out so she was really lonely. when she turned 18 she started going clubbing and since we live in a city with a big fetish scene, she started going to the kinky venue. since she was young, naive and very pretty, she was immediately roped in by older men who did bondage shootings with her and everything. she started working in the club. to me, she was clearly groomed, but she works in a fetish shop now and is fully immersed in the scene
i have a friend who answered a job ad for a secretary when she was abroad and she and her friend ran out of money but when they arrived there it was a brothel. they both prostituted themselves for several months. they were only 18. she still talks highly of that brothel, how clean and safe it was, and wants prostitution to be legal
i read the gut wrenching biography of a thai woman who ran away from home, whose parents refused her education and treated her brother very preferably while openly hating her, and entered prostitution in sex tourist destination pattaya at only 13. she was paid by men in their 50s first for her virginity, then to piss on her. she exited at 19 and developed psychosis. she defends sex buyers, hates feminists and wants prostitution to be legal
do you see where im going with this? brainwashing is real. despite the obvious facts, the grooming, the system that pushed and pulled them, the men taking advantage of them; they defend it. so yeah, we shouldnt dismiss firsthand testimony and personal experience, but always take it with a grain of salt, always contextualise, always see it as one part of a bigger picture. liberals dont do that and have duped too many people into not doing it either. „if thats her choice its none of our business“ fuck you!
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hazelfoureyes · 4 months
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for your consideration:
a reader who’s genuinely more powerful than Alastor is. maybe they’re royalty or another overlord or maybe they simply just have a more commanding presence than him, but in any way, he hates it. he goes out of his way to try to one-up them (much like how he did with Lucifer), but the reader never falters, ever-calm and ever-in control. it infuriates Alastor to no end— not only because of the simple fact that he isn’t the strongest person in the room anymore, but also because the reader never treats him like he’s lesser than them. they treat him like an equal, and it makes him even angrier.
when they fuck for the first time, it’s a last-ditch attempt for Alastor to regain control— and it fails, because even though Alastor is on top with his nails digging into the reader’s skin, doing his very best to cause the pain he knows he can cause, the reader still just stares up at him, taking it like they always do. no tears fall from their eyes, no pleads fall from their lips. Alastor is dissatisfied— very much so. so they do it again. and again. and again, until it’s something of a game between them. until one day, the reader’s composure finally shatters.
they’ve had enough of Alastor’s attitude and disrespect, and they tell him as much. they pin him down, snarling about his god complex and his twisted sadism and how long they’ve been waiting to put him in his place. and Alastor finds that no matter how much he struggles, he can’t get that control that had been so rudely snatched from him back. but the thing is— a part of him likes it. really, really likes it— that loss of power that should be his and his alone, being held just out of his petulant reach. it brings him a sick feeling that he’s never felt before and can’t get enough of.
that part grows and grows until he’s the one crying and begging and squirming weakly underneath the reader, both his smile and his mind threatening to break as the reader fucks him relentlessly. no matter how many times either of them cums, the reader doesn’t stop, not until Alastor is screaming his apologies, over and over and over again. he hates it. he loves it.
when it’s all over, and when the reader has settled, Alastor makes them promise that they will never speak of this again. without a hint of smugness, the reader agrees— but maybe the next time Alastor is acting up, the reader will only have to give him a look. and he will know.
I know this wasn’t a prompt necessarily but don’t think you can come into MY HOUSE and lay a feast in front of me and not expect I’d dig in 👏 face 👏 first 👏 so here’s me just kinda riffing off your DELICIOUSLY WRITTEN MESSAGE. NO TIME TO EDIT A CUTE REPLY IMAGE
Wrapped around Your Finger (Ace Alastor bottoms for a GN!Seraphim Reader short smut)
Warnings/Promises: 🗣️ ALASTOR GETS FINGERED, Gender Neutral Reader x Alastor smut, hate fucking, bondage, initial dubcon, Ace Alastor, scratching, kinda degradation kink, Angel Reader, Reader is a good friend, Protect Angel Dust at all costs
minors dni
⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ When Lucifer introduced a defected Seraphim to the hotel, Alastor’s smile dropped. You had feet yet to him you seemed to glide through the hotel halls effortlessly. You were impeccably dressed, ever polite, well mannered, clean. It was driving him mad. Yes, Alastor knew the importance of being well groomed. He exalted manners and gentility. He disliked grime and thought a lack of personal hygiene was an actual sin. But the sight of you, every fucking day with that ever present soft smile on your lips? Your gaze, always gentle as you listened to sinners explain their dreams of redemption. Nails on a chalkboard. Every room you were in, all eyes turned to you. It was if the air itself was pulled into your charms.
Every one in the hotel either feared Alastor or, at least, failed to hide their annoyance when He’d sneak up on them or touch them without warning. Of course, not you. Alastor shocked himself with his antics in attempt to make you react to him at all. Charlie would pull him aside weekly, asking what the actual fuck? “Why did you say that? They know they aren’t from here, we all know that, but telling them they are most unnatural creature to ever exist in Hell? And I don’t think it was an accident you knocked their drink over. Al, you are being a bully.” Yes, and he was sorry. Sorry he was so ineffective. Not even a fucking knitted brow so much as flashed at him when he spilled your drink down your chest. You smiled, you had the audacity to smile at him and say, “Whoops. Your monocle isn’t prescription, huh?” He only had one option left to push you beneath him—-rip you to pieces. Any thing to get you to look at him differently than all the other weak souls mulling about in hell.
Alastor had seen you fight, when an overlord came to the hotel to taste seraphim blood, all of the Pride Ring saw your power. Arms out stretched, a glow came from your palms, yellow and bright. With the speed of someone enjoying a breakfast on the patio on a Sunday in hell, you knelt down and pressed your palms into the ground. A flash of light and power rung out from you and blinded everyone watching, but Alastor could see you as he melted into the deepest shadows your light created. White and gold glowing shards erupted from the dirt, fracturing the grounds of the hotel lawn as they formed a jagged but intelligent line straight for the demon. The overlord barely recovered from the blinding effect of your power before a glass-like piece shot from the ground and straight through his chest. It was over in seconds, and you had never dropped your soft grin.
He was prideful, but not stupid. A test, a little experiment first. When you watched sweetly from the sidelines and Charlie directed yet another meaningless activity, Alastor stood opposite you. Your eyes flitted from person to person, your smile small but genuine. Were you glowing? He had had enough. He reached his shadow appendages out and wrapped one around your ankle, as it gripped and prepared to drag you to the floor in what he hoped would be an embarrassing display, nothing happened. As the tentacle touched you, it dissipated. Your light entirely erasing the shadow.
He felt his mind breaking. Every night he paced, feeling your overwhelming presence in the hotel even at such a distance. He decided to try the one thing he’d never tried. Atleast, not since coming to hell. You were always so accommodating, maybe to a fault? He found you in kitchen, alone, making yourself some sickeningly sweet drink. Your body froze when Alastor pressed against you from behind. But, you didn’t make a sound. “Apologies, I don’t think I can suffer any longer.” He ground his hips into your ass, “I never do this, a gentleman through and through. But you see, as a deer demon, sometimes there are periods of—- unbearable discomfort. I can’t focus on redemption like this.”
Alastor was shocked when you swiveled around, eyes closed from your smile, and said, “I came here to help. What can I do?”
He couldn’t understand it. Bent over the counter in the common area, his nails cutting lines down your sides that healed with a frustrating speed, you just sighed into him. Little moans, soft exhales. He slammed your hips against him, the sound ringing through the kitchen. But still, your eyes were closed but not clenched. Your sounds small and even. The only thing keeping him hard was your hand, reached back and digging nails into his thighs. The tiniest hint of your true feelings. He’d bury his mind where your hand tore his skin and find release. Happy to see you at least a little less perfectly assembled after.
Alastor would find you at the most inconvenient times, in the most public settings, and find some excuse to need to fuck you. At one point a sinner even walked in on you two, and to Alastor’s palpable dismay, you apologized to the sinner for blocking the ice machine.
Your resolve finally snapped, however, when Alastor stepped past a line he didn’t know you had. Alastor had you, uncharacteristically, in your bed. He always spoke during sex but now, now it was genuinely grating you. “You’re such a whore, coming to Hell just to eat demon cock. If you drowned in cum you’d probably respawn as an even bigger slut than Angel Dust.” You sat up, one hand on his chest and the other under his armpit, and flipped him onto his back. Alastor’s arm moved to push back, but he found both wrists held down to the bed with a signature glow.
“If you knew Angel half as well as you pretended, you’d know how fucking stupid you sound.” Your hands gathered his cum from earlier that evening, slowly dripping out of you with the sudden change in position. “He’s the whore? Who stalks this hotel, hungry for any ounce of attention? A petulant child willing to embarrass others just so teacher notices them?” Your hand began to pump his cock. Alastor thrashed, he hated people handling his dick, but that was overshadowed by his disgust of having his semen spread over his skin. The sensation made his skin crawl and he would have gone soft but when he met your gaze he only grew harder in your fist. Your eyes were alight, figuratively and literally. The rage on your face made his smile drop entirely. You looked like you hated him. “If he is a whore, then you are Mary Magdalene. I’ll wash your feet for you, sinner.” You used your knees to spread open his untethered legs.
“I know you, Alastor,” the fingers of your other hand slicked through the lathered cum dripping down his ass and began to massage at his hole. “Your greatest sin wasn’t murder. It was pride. Never could let anyone see the famous Radio star with even a hair out of place. You’d drop your morals for even a taste of an improved social image. Even in death, you abuse and hound others who dare to make you feel less than how you demand you look from the outside.” He wanted to say anything, argue, roar, but his jaw was locked in place. Your eyes never left his, and soon his vision was darkening around your luminescent stare. A finger slipped into him, slowly but with resistance.
“Tell me to stop.” Your hand slowed to let his muscles relax around your digit before picking up speed again, curving your palm over his head with every pull upward, “Tell me to stop and I will. I’ll go right back to who I always am, and always will be. I’ll smile at you every morning and move out of your way with a nod in the halls. Say ‘stop’.” Your words were threats, not idle or hollow and it made Alastor’s thighs twitch. Go back? Return to looking at him like you truly wanted the best for him despite how dirty his hands were? Soft eyes threatening to make him melt into a lesser, weaker man?
You were in him to the knuckle, finger prodding and twirling.
His eyes were wide but focused on you. Alastor thought his soul would evaporate, your face a sneer he’d never been so lucky to even imagine before now. He could feel you around him, in him.
A tiny, halted, “S-,” was forced through his teeth.
Stop?
Slower?
He shook his head, eyes fluttering closed.
“God, you’re pathetic. What about a sorry? Can you manage a single apology for your comments tonight? I’ll let you roll me back into the mattress, for a sincere ‘sorry’.” Alastor's knees hitched, his head fell back, and he came over your knuckles with a pained groan. But you didn’t stop. You’d get your reply, eventually.
Alastor gave a threat of his own when you finally got your apology, half screamed through his third orgasm, and let him flee your bed. You nodded and agreed, yes yes, this never happened blah blah yet another example of your enormous pride.
After that night, any time Alastor wanted to yank on Husk’s chains, or double speak someone into a deal, he’d pause and look around. Expecting your two golden lit eyes to be staring, ready to flip him onto his back and drag several more apologies from him.
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emmafrostyyy · 8 months
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y'all sleeping on Astarion/Lae'zel bc this moment is so...the way the flippant demeanor drops and he doesn't hesitate to call her out for sticking with her version of Cazador like their relationship is so underrated fr...
sitting down writing this bullshit like let me peel it like an onion a bit and elaborate why this pairing is fascinating to me
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It's really interesting how during the most cathartic, life-altering moment in Astarion's questline, the reactions of the other companions are more about the moral wrongness/guilt of sacrificing innocent lives. Lae'zel doesn't do that and instead relates to his hurt.
She knows what's he's feeling, the lack of control, the unfairness of being powerless for too long. This is a woman who just found out her entire life purpose was built on lies, discarded and hunted by her own people after outliving her usefulness, and groomed to basically die for an insane power-hungry lich queen. She knows all too well that power isn't always real freedom. Her first instinct is to empathize with Astarion to steer him away from his hate and resentment.
Astarion/Lae'zel is so interesting to me because they're such a classic "can we make each other worse or make a better person out of the other?".
They both have genuine appreciation for violence and respect each other's ruthlessness. Astarion was used as a weapon of seduction while Lae'zel was of warfare. Sex with people is meaningless and not real intimacy for them, and while both have little understanding/experience of interpersonal relationships beyond the physical, they still feel and love very deeply. They have no frame of reference for things like friendship and warmth, but they badly want all of that and more, even if they don't know it yet.
In-game they can sleep with each other, which is basically the foundation of the normal Tav/Astarion romance. Lae'zel saw him during combat and got horny, who knows. Astarion who's used to luring people with his charms, takes up Lae'zel's blunt offer because she's a strong hardened warrior that can provide protection and be a worthy ally, and he doesn't know how to say no. Navigating the complications between one who wants to be seen beyond as a sex object, and one who comes from a totally alien culture with no concept of love/family/connections and only sex is honestly really compelling to me. It's a transactional, mutually beneficial thing with no emotional expectations. Once you get past the skeevy rockiness of their early relationship, I really like the idea of them slowly seeing something past the exterior and realizing they may have harshly misjudged the other, an unspoken friendship blooms, and in comes the realization that they are essentially loners longing for kindness and a comforting touch in the most desperate of situations.
Lae'zel is prideful, direct, has no sense of courtship talk, and doesn't hold back her thoughts the slightest--she's not sweet/agreeable and what you see is really what you get, which I imagine would be disarming for Astarion who's used to vacuous flattery and has difficulty trusting others. But she's also insanely protective, passionate, loyal, and an initiator-- every romance scene is triggered by her first and she's always showing effort towards her relationships, which would mesh well with Astarion who does need someone to nudge him.
She doesn't purposely suppress her feelings, she's just simply at loss at how to express them sometimes due to her wildly different upbringing. She stops the sparring match you agree to and an easy vulnerability slips instantly out of her: "I don't want to hurt you. I want to protect you, and for you to protect me." and "Thus far I've taunted you, devoured you, battled you. Now I want more than anything to soothe you." are romantic as fuck and Astarion of all people really needs to hear that tbh.
Astarion is also someone who struggles with reinforcing his boundaries, and a key theme in Lae'zel's romance is that she encourages and wants you to challenge her and learn to stand your ground. It's not gentlest method, but hey, relationships are about having to make an effort to learn each other's language.
I think he also would take pleasure "educating her on the matters of Fay-run" (I believe there's a whole banter with him teasing her and teaching her pet names) and would get a kick out of coaxing Lae'zel out of her shell with her shyness at showing public affection, and making her blush. Also it simply would be fucking funny to see Astarion who's used to easy seduction, trying to pass a persuasion check just to get a smooch and generally having to work to earn regular kisses from Lae'zel lmfaooo
Lae'zel also initially struggles to see her chains as chains. When she learns about Vlaakith's betrayal, she copes instantly through denial and shuts it down. Astarion is NOT having it and calls her out, he knows her well enough to recognize that she would value blunt honesty above all.
I imagine he also despises her lack of self-preservation, the way her entire identity is tied to duty and being in service of others, and doesn't understand her desire to still help/liberate the people that want her dead and are hunting her down. He wants to make this duty-bound soldier realize that looking out for herself, and putting herself first may not be the worst thing in the world.
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They're so similar to each other but are also polar opposites in some ways that make a more equal, balanced romance I think. It's not a simple, one-sided, feel-good "she/he can fix her/him" fantasy because both of them have to earn each other's love, actually cut through the other's flaws, and actively motivate each other to be better versions of themselves.
They're not at all the other's ideal guiding hand. It's rough, jagged, and imperfect, but that's how healing goes. It's so far from being the healthiest relationship -- but even if their belief systems differ, their moral compass does often align. I imagine it's a slight relief for them to have a partner where there would be less shame and judgment when they expectedly, occasionally slip up and fall into their bad habits.
Also, man, the "You showed me the betweens and beyonds. Beyond war and peace, beyond passion and obsession, most importantly, you showed me freedom.", "First you were my wound, now you were my cure.", "But you saw something else in me - someone else I could be. Someone who could break the cycle of power and terror that started centuries ago.." lines really hit hard when applied to them.
Of course, they can also make each other worse, feed into the other's negative traits that will bring out the worst part of themselves. It's this duality of their pairing that is very interesting to explore, the way it can steer in either direction because it's an intense, fraught relationship at its core.
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