#i have moments of deep insecurity about it (as any writer does about their work) so it's always just so lovely to see the love

[thewriteadviceforwriters]

any tips would be appreciated, thanks! :)

hi, i was wondering if u could help me with writing a specific type of character? i have a character who’s a man with insecurity issues and he ends up acting weird towards the women around him (basically, he’s internalized the idea of “getting the girl makes you more of a man” without really realizing it). i want him to realize what he’s doing during the story and go thru a kind of “redemption arc” but how do i:

1. make it believable that he doesn’t realize what he’s doing/the harm he’s causing bc he grew up learning that message of toxic masculinity

2. make the “redemption arc” realistic and feel earned?

Hey there, fellow writer! Thanks so much for reaching out with such a thoughtful and complex character question. It's fantastic that you're diving into the nuances of toxic masculinity and character growth. This is a challenging but incredibly important topic to explore in fiction. Let's break this down and dive deep into crafting this character arc.

Understanding Your Character's Background

Before we get into the specifics of your questions, it's crucial to fully understand your character's background. This man's insecurity and internalized toxic masculinity didn't develop overnight. Consider factors like:

Family dynamics: What messages did he receive from his parents or guardians about masculinity and relationships?

Peer influences: How did his friends and classmates reinforce or challenge these ideas?

Media consumption: What movies, TV shows, or books shaped his view of male-female relationships?

Cultural context: How does his broader cultural background influence his beliefs about masculinity?

The more you understand about where these beliefs came from, the more believable his initial lack of self-awareness will be.

Now, let's tackle your specific questions:

Making it believable that he doesn't realize what he's doing/the harm he's causing

The key here is to show how deeply ingrained these beliefs are. Here are some strategies:

a) Normalize it in his world: Show other characters, especially male friends or family members, exhibiting similar behaviors without consequence. This reinforces the idea that it's "normal" or even expected.

b) Internal justification: When he acts in problematic ways, give him internal monologue that justifies his actions. For example, if he makes an inappropriate comment, he might think, "She'll appreciate a confident guy who speaks his mind."

c) Misinterpretation of reactions: When women react negatively to his behavior, have him misinterpret their responses. He might see discomfort as shyness or rejection as playing hard to get.

d) Positive reinforcement: Occasionally, have his behavior "work" in superficial ways. Maybe he gets a phone number or a date, reinforcing the idea that his approach is effective.

e) Backstory reveals: Gradually reveal moments from his past where these beliefs were instilled or reinforced. This could be a father figure praising him for "manning up" or friends mocking him for not being "alpha" enough. (I hate that word.)

f) Contrast with "worse" behavior: Show other characters behaving even more egregiously, making his actions seem mild in comparison.

g) Good intentions: Highlight moments where he genuinely believes he's being helpful or chivalrous, even when his actions are problematic.

h) Cognitive dissonance: When confronted with the negative impacts of his behavior, show him struggling to reconcile this with his beliefs. He might dismiss criticism as overreaction or make excuses.

2. Making the "redemption arc" realistic and feel earned

This is where the real challenge lies. A believable redemption arc for this character needs to be gradual, challenging, and multifaceted. Here's how to approach it:

a) Incremental realization: Don't have him suddenly "see the light." Instead, show small moments of doubt or discomfort with his own behavior building up over time.

b) Consequences: Let him experience real, significant consequences for his actions. This could be losing a friendship, facing professional repercussions, or a moment of clear rejection that he can't misinterpret.

c) Mentor figure: Introduce a character (could be male or female) who challenges his views in a way he can't easily dismiss. This person should be someone he respects or admires.

d) Empathy building: Create situations where he's forced to see things from a woman's perspective. This could be through a role reversal, a close female friend sharing her experiences, or even him witnessing clear harassment of someone he cares about.

e) Internal conflict: Show him struggling with his changing views. He might backslide or have moments of defensiveness as he grapples with his ingrained beliefs.

f) Active learning: Have him actively seek out information and perspectives on toxic masculinity and healthy relationships. This could involve reading, attending workshops, or having difficult conversations.

g) Apologizing and making amends: Show him genuinely apologizing to people he's hurt and taking concrete actions to make amends. This shouldn't be easy or immediately accepted.

h) Ongoing process: Make it clear that this is an ongoing journey, not a destination. Even towards the end of the story, he should still be learning and growing.

i) Paying it forward: Have him start to challenge toxic behavior in others, showing that he's internalized the lessons he's learned.

j) Redefining masculinity: Show him developing a new, healthier concept of what it means to be a man. This might involve exploring traditionally "feminine" interests or expressing vulnerability.

k) Setbacks: Include moments where he falls back into old patterns, but now recognizes and corrects himself. This shows the ongoing nature of change.

Tips for Writing This Arc Effectively:

Show, don't tell: Rather than having your character explicitly state his growth, show it through changed behavior and reactions.

Avoid the "savior" trope: Be cautious about having a woman "fix" him. While female characters can play a role in his growth, the work should ultimately come from him.

Balance sympathy and accountability: While we want readers to sympathize with your character's journey, be careful not to excuse his harmful behavior.

Use multiple perspectives: If possible, show how other characters perceive his behavior and his changes. This can provide valuable context and contrast.

Intersectionality: Consider how other aspects of his identity (race, class, sexuality, etc.) might intersect with his views on masculinity.

Research, research, research: Dive into academic and personal accounts of toxic masculinity, its impacts, and paths to change. The more you understand, the more nuanced your portrayal will be.

Sensitivity readers: Consider using sensitivity readers to ensure you're handling this delicate topic respectfully and accurately.

Micro-changes: Focus on small, specific changes in behavior and thought patterns rather than broad, sweeping transformations.

Realistic timeline: Give this arc the time it needs. Real change doesn't happen overnight, so don't rush the process.

Internal and external changes: Show both how his thoughts and his actions evolve throughout the story.

Example Arc Outline:

Introduction: Establish character's problematic behavior and beliefs.

Inciting incident: An event that first makes him question his actions, even if he dismisses it.

Rising action: Accumulation of experiences that challenge his worldview.

Turning point: A major event that forces him to confront the harm he's causing.

Crisis: Internal struggle as he grapples with changing his deeply held beliefs.

Climax: A moment where he must choose between his old ways and his evolving understanding.

Falling action: Actively working to change and make amends.

Resolution: Showing his ongoing growth and new perspective, while acknowledging the journey isn't over.

Remember, writing a character like this is a delicate balance. You want to show the reality of toxic masculinity and its impacts while also offering a path to growth and change. It's challenging, but when done well, it can be incredibly powerful and thought-provoking.

Throughout this process, it's important to treat your character with empathy while not excusing his behavior. The goal is to show that change is possible, but it requires genuine effort, self-reflection, and a willingness to challenge deeply held beliefs.

Lastly, don't forget to take care of yourself while writing this arc. Exploring topics like toxic masculinity can be emotionally taxing. Take breaks when needed, engage in self-care, and remember that by thoughtfully addressing these issues in your writing, you're contributing to important conversations about gender, relationships, and personal growth.

Happy writing, 📝💖 - Rin T.

Before you go, why not join us at The Write Right Society? We're a supportive Tumblr community where writers lift each other up. Whether you're a newbie or a pro, we'd love to have you! Share your work, get feedback, and connect with fellow wordsmiths, writers and aspiring authors. 

[drkmgs]

Wednesday x fem!reader?

reader acts cold and mean to Wednesday as a prank,But it gone wrong

Thank you for requesting! I'm a gender-neutral writer, so I wrote it that way and sorry it took a little while to post this.

Prank went wrong

Wednesday Addams × Reader

You have been completely taken by the trending app TikTok, trying the challenges yourself. You uploaded some videos on that app and surprisingly people liked it. They tagged you on varieties of challenges. One particular was the ignoring and being cold to your significant other.

You weren't just doing this for the challenge but also out of curiosity. How would your girlfriend Wednesday Addams react when she's suddenly not your muse anymore? Would she be angry? sad? Will she show emotions? or would she just kill you with a machete? You weren't sure of the answer but you had a strong feeling that it would be the last one.

To take this 'prank' to a whole other level you stretched the challenge for a week, normally it was just for a day, but knowing Wednesday she wouldn't notice, or would she? Anyway, you had a hidden camera fastened in a pin on your Nevermore jacket and cameras all over your dorm because that's typically where Wednesday would work on her novel. [Yes, she moved her Typewriter to your dorm. Why? Because she can and she wanted to spend time with you even though she's writing. Isn't she sweet?]

It was Monday, you officially started the prank. You purposely didn't pick Wednesday up at her dorm, which you normally do. You didn't expect her to notice but the moment she saw you in class, she shoot you a deathly glare. When the class ended, she thought you would greet her, but to her dismay, you just passed by her without throwing her a glance. It made her eyebrow furrow. She certainly will confront you about this, she thought.

You took it further when you didn't speak to her while having lunch. Everyone at the table was having conversations besides you two, Wednesday sat opposite of you, so she could intensely stare at you, while you were more fascinated by your food.

She's getting irritated by your lack of affection and she wanted you to know that by kicking you under the table. To her surprise, there was no response let alone any reaction from you, but deep down you wanted to scream her kick wasn't the lightest thing. You're sure it's going to bruise. You're still going through the prank, even though it was obvious you were going to be dead at the end of the day.

You ignored her and went ahead to your next lesson with the other students. She saw you were fine with others, but when it comes to her today, your behavior was very uncommon. She's starting to think if she had done something to upset you or if you changed your mind about your relationship. Nobody would have thought that a Wednesday Addams would be insecure, but she is because she knows she lacks in the area of love and affection.

During your last lesson, you notice Wednesday being gloomier than usual, and her eyes were observant. She usually does that if something is bothering her mind, that she's unsure of. She's also not participating in the lessons like normally.

That's when you realized, you've gone too far with the prank and it wouldn't last for a week. When the lesson ended, you tried to catch up to Wednesday but she was too fast and was gone as soon as she turned the corner. You decided to head back to your dorm, because she might be there and you were right.

As soon as you enter your room, you saw her sitting on your bed. Staring at nowhere, but she felt your presence. You closed the door.

Y/N: Wednesday, listen I-

Wednesday: Did you change your mind about us?

That question made you hurry in front of her and knelt. You took her hands and crease them with your thumbs.

Y/N: Why would I suddenly change my mind about us? You were my light in my dark place, even though you appear darker than light. I usually hate rain and thunder but when you came you made me understand the beauty of it. You made me embrace my darkness. I wouldn't trade you for anything else. Even if it's a prank.

You tore your little pin and smashed it. You aren't going to publicize your girlfriend's vulnerability. You're satisfied enough that she's concerned about you leaving her because that means she does love you and she cares for you. You pull her into a hug, she gladly took it and hugged you back.

Y/N: I'm sorry.

You whispered into her ears, she snuggled into your neck, her hug tightening as if you'll let her go. You continue whispering your sorry's in her ear and you swore to never play any pranks again.

[j0kers-light]

Hi, Chaos! I have a request - How would J react with Y/N having a condition called 'winking eye syndrome'? It's actually something I have but it's such a rare condition that it's never mentioned. I would love to read your take on it. Thanks in advance! <3

Hello and hi beloved!!! 🖤✨

Fun fact! Anytime I have an ask that’s medical in nature, I run to my mother to get the most accurate information. She loves helping out to answer these so much!

Moving along! Winking eye syndrome? Coming right up! 👩🏽‍💻 I’m sorry I’m answering this ask so late, writers block is powerful. I hope you enjoy beautiful 😘

Definition: Marcus Gunn Jaw winking syndrome (MGJWS) is one of the congenital cranial dysinnervation disorders (CCDD) and these individuals have variable degrees of blepharoptosis in the resting, primary position. It is associated with synkinetic movements of the upper eyelid during masticating movements of the jaw.

credit & credit

MGJ, another rare condition (with hardly any studies/articles) that affects the eyelids literally by 'winking' at inopportune moments.

(From my research) its more of an insecurity or an annoyance than anything since its not life threatening or harmful, (if it exceeds 2mm then it could be).

However the mental health side effects—being self conscious, is serious enough to discuss.

Joker is very perceptive, and especially about his Bunny, so he would definitely notice but not comment.

He takes notice how you don't eat or drink in front of him to avoid him seeing your condition.

You are very particular about how you angle your face or talk in order to not upset your jaw and cause any flare ups even though sometimes the wink can be involuntary.

Joker doesn't like you hiding from him and makes it his mission to help you become more comfortable with yourself.

You might get a cheeky joke every now and then like, "Are ya getting sleepy Bunny?" or “Happy to see me doll?" as he winks right back at you.

Don't panic, Joker is never insulting or mean to you! Its all done in jest.

He does enjoy seeing you fluster and try to shy away but he's quick to spin you around to face him.

You pout and close your eyes, that won't work. Joker is patient and he'll wait however long it takes for you to look at him. Its high time he addressed this.

"Mind tellin' me whyy your hiding those... gorgeous eyes from me sweetheart?"

His alluring voice makes the words pierce your heart even harder yet your lingering insecurities make you hesitate. "They're not gorgeous, J. I hate them."

You bury your face into Joker's chest. He's just saying that because he's your partner. You hate your eyelids for always being stupid and not working properly. It makes taking photos a daunting task. Eye contact is your worst nightmare and it overall makes you ugly.

"You are noT ugly, Y/n."

Wait, did you say that part out loud? Joker tipped your chin up so he could see you more clearly. The deep frown on his face means he's dead serious and you silently begin to panic.

"You think I would liee when I call ya my pretty girl. My Goddess? Mm? Am I a li-ar Y/n?"

His eyes scan your face and force you to mumble a quick, "N-No.."

Joker leaned down to kiss your forehead, both of your eyelids, and then lastly your lips. "No I'm noT, I'm tellin' ya the truth. I don't care if your 'eyelids are stupid'. They belong to my Bunny and my Bunny is perfect. Mhm, wouldn't change a thiiiing." J hugged you close and nuzzled your hair with his cheek.

He hated acting all soft but you needed some sweet reassurance. Your condition made you unique and J loved that about you.

One of these days he would get you to fully embrace your individuality. It would take some time and loads of energy but Joker had more than enough patience to help his Bunny be the best version you could be.

[showtoonzfan]

I know we’re all saying “Vivziepop is digging her own grave at this point” when it comes to how unprofessional she acts in the public eye, but honestly? She’s not digging her own grave. Nobody sees an issue with how she’s acting, in her fanbase’s eyes, all she’s doing is defending her show and sticking it to the haters who bring her down. Nothing more, nothing less. And I get it, freedom of speech exists, Viv can say whatever she wants, it just ticks me off at how she chooses to deliberately act like a fool in front of everyone when she could have kept it to herself. The problem is that no matter how good or bad you think the Diregneltmen video was, at the end of the day it was NOT worth going to twitter and getting mad over. Viv should have simply ignored it and moved on, because any normal creator would go “Ah yes, another hater video, well it happens, I won’t let that bring me down”. But nah, Viv just HAD to go to twitter and express how much that video got under her skin, making herself look like a sensitive and insecure fuming jerk.

In my eyes the problem with Viv is just that she’s an attention seeker. Usually when content creators are upset, they’ll stay off the internet for a bit, but not queen Vivzie. She has to let exactly EVERYONE and their mama know when she’s mad, upset, or overall just having a difficult time. That’s why she’s made countless poor pity me tweets, angry meltdown tweets, or depressing tweets that would make anyone go “You need to get off your computer and talk to a therapist instead”. Because yeah, she’s kept up her “I’m sorry for existing” tweet, she’s kept up her pity tweets about how tried she is working on two shows, she’s even kept up the meltdown she had after her old house got doxxed, calling everyone “fuckers and hypocrites” and she does it ALL for the damn attention.

It’s so clear that after she spotted the Diregentlemen video, she was so insecure and angry that two professional writers were calling her out and making her look bad, so instead of just getting off the internet or venting to a friend or family member, she hopped to twitter and showed everyone how deep it got under her skin because she NEEDS the comfort. She knows her fandom praises her every chance they get, and she needs the praise. She needs people to call her a queen, to call her shows masterpieces, to stroke the ever loving hell out of her ego and paint her as this godlike flawless innocent woman so she can feel better. She relies on her entire fanbase to coddle her and I think it’s pathetic. It’s not just pathetic that she can’t take criticism and acts like hate or feedback isn’t a normal part of life for every person on the planet, it’s not just pathetic that she acts like a woman child and can’t act like a full grown adult or DEAL with her emotions like a full grown adult, it’s pathetic that she takes any negative feedback to heart and needs her fanbase to praise her to make her feel better.

And it sucks because I’m not saying I wish Hazbin was taken away from her and she was stripped from fame and her projects, all I want is for people to wake up and realize that the behavior she’s showcased is NOT okay. She good be so much better and handle situations more smarty, instead of some spoiled rich middle school girl that could destroy anyone in her path, because she KNEW what she was doing with those angry tweets, she knows her fanbase is going to go after Diregenltmen and that’s what she wanted. This has happened so many times before and I’m sick of it. She knows that the moment she shows everyone she was hurt by someone else, everyone will go after that person, and she does not care. She’s a gaslighter and manipulator, puts on her “professional” face at the last second and no one cares because people think she has a right to defend herself while not realizing that she adds fuel to the fire whenever she reacts so negatively. I’m just so done with her, she’s never ganna change or improve as a person, nor is she ever ganna put in the effort to improve her damn writing because in her eyes her writing is flawless apparently and anyone who doesn’t like it or has an issue with it can shut up and burn at the stake.

[will80sbyers]

I am a multi shipper so don't take this as an attack on Byler, I like Byler's dynamic too but I like and think Mileven is endgame. My problem with Byler is actually how some of the shippers act, like saying Mike has never loved El and was just with her to his sexuality does not sound great. Now, I am queer myself and I understand that this type of experience can happen irl. But in terms of it happening in a limited time frame in a tv show where we just watch these characters for a couple of seasons and how Mileven has been marketed for 4 seasons straight, are we really supposed to just accept that Mike and El never ever felt romantic feelings for each other? And the monologue, which happened in the show's climax moment, it being disregarded as a lie would feel really jarring, especially when we know El got strength from it. Why include it at all if it was a lie? I think there is a difference between preferring Byler as an outcome and a ship, versus trying to erase Mileven's romantic existence completely. Just thinking about the show's narrative, we have gone past the notion of Mike and El never loving each other romantically IMHO.

It all depends on the interpretation you have, I agree with you in thinking they have a real romantic relationship but the people in the byler tag that say they don't, genuinely think Mike has been lying to everyone and himself for years and that that's what the writers are writing, it's not exactly "wanting" to eliminate the relationship as much as thinking that something is happening because of certain details that they think matter

I don't agree that that's the correct interpretation of the show but I genuinely believe byler is going to be the endgame relationship for Mike and Will at the same time

I think that the Duffers will not disregard the relationship Mike had with El in the show, but they are moving the story towards byler endgame because I don't think Mike and El are compatible anymore, their love and relationship was a puppy love/young love type of situation and El and Mike changed as people, I think they were too dependent on each other and are not in love really but have mostly an attachment to the other, they do like each other but the relationship is not working for them as they would like, Mike placed El on a pedestal too high and she's not able to make him see that she likes him as he is on her own, probably because she's not in love with him really and the writing needed to show that El doesn't make Mike feel like Will does this season- her love for Mike is not as deep as Will's love has been shown to be on screen, that doesn't mean she doesn't care about him, it's just something different!

The fact that they used the painting and made Will lie about it and even be the one that reminds Mike to make the monologue instead of making El and Mike resolve their problems is really a death sentence on Mike and El's relationship because imagine if that was happening in any other hetero couple in movies like it often does, that's a sign that the relationship is not working out if they need a 3rd person that is in love with one of them to use his own feelings to fix the problems the other is having in his relationship... That's the death of romance not a climax love confession!

I don't think Mike was lying but I think he was tricked by the feelings behind the painting in the sense that he didn't feel secure and safe enough with El to say that he loved her before Will got involved with his own feelings for Mike

That means that Mike doesn't trust El completely with his own heart to me and that there is something wrong that's stopping Mike from being completely himself with her, he's been trying to be cooler for her since they started the relationship and she started doing the same in s4 because of her own insecurities until she confronted her trauma with Brenner

I think El likes Mike but I don't think she's in love with him, I think she (not consciously) latched onto this relationship because it was a safe space for her after Hop's death and that they are both going to realize the romantic part of their relationship has to end for them to stay as close as they are now on El's side especially... I think she needs something different now and I think Mike is going to realize what he feels for Will is something deep and that's what was stopping him from committing his whole heart to El, because Mike's heart was already Will's before that without him even realizing it

So yeah even if I don't think Mike was lying about anything I think the narrative is going to end with byler endgame at this point otherwise the duffers wrote awful stuff for Mike and El without any reason

[twilightarc-gm]

Hiiii!

❤️💥👻🎁🦋 for the fanfic writer ask game?

Hiiii ~ OmG many questions ✪ ω ✪

For this ask game~ Here

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic? This kind of question is really hard for me as a writer because I am not the fun and quippy kind with snappy lines people remember for long after they leave the fic behind. In light of my failings, an abbreviated snippet from Chap2 of f!WWX & YZY fic: (WWX) It is too strange that Madam Yú would get him clothes he would like. That she would work on his clothes personally. “You hate me.” (YZY) [ … ] “Sometimes I do,” she agrees, as easy as if she’s giving her opinion on the tea. I just //deep breaths// love the hostility of the WWX & YZY relationship in canon. I like the way WWX bites back (when JFM isn't around). In this AU, they have more in common as WWX steps into the gender role of "woman" and YZY gets the actual responsibility of seeing to his health and fortune, but that still comes after 11 ish years of canon-like events where YZY tried often to tear him apart because of JFM's general mishandling of the situation and her own insecurities. Okay sorry I am rambling, but canon WWX takes after YZY far more than fandom likes to admit and in any AU where she lives, I wholly believe WWX and YZY are allies when it comes to anything to do with JC. Not to get all wild analysis on you, but I like the parallel that the narrative observes YZY wanted to stuff JC back into her belly to keep him out of harm... and then chronologically, the next thing is that WWX gives up something from his belly to protect JC from harm. Okay that was a tangent, moving on...

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change? 2nd Round with this question. What else would I change? (MDZS) Like, no one will agree with me on this, but I would have desperately loved if best boy 💛Jin Ling💛 looked like his mother instead. If he reminded WWX of JYL instead. If JL had his mother's eyes and height and freckles (headcanon) but he has so much of JC's attitude (which is similar enough to JZX in some aspects that JC can blame the father for things he also does). JL being soft and bratty. JL helping to cook during the Yi City scene because he knows his way around a kitchen; he endeavored to learn because Jiujiu told him that Yanli loved to cook. Etc. Etc. I'd like it if WWX takes +2 damage every time he looks at JL and sees the peeking of soft lavender collars from beneath the gold robes, and is reminded that it's JYL's favorite color. 💜

👻 What is your wildest headcanon? 2nd Round with this question. Gonna reinterpret the word "wild" and look to nature on this one. I headcanon that JC is an animal-whisperer. Animals love him, he's good with them, he likes them better than people. The mousers that keep Lianhua Wu rodent-free come up to him all the time and just go belly up at his feet. WWX should have gotten over his phobia for all the practice he got hanging around JC and some roving stray would be like !!! The Boy!!! and run up to JC looking for snacks and scritches. Is there any canon support for this at all? No. But canon doesn't directly contradict me either. My biggest reason for this headcanon is that WWX is canonically bad with animals. So, JC gets to be good at something that WWX isn't. Ta-da!

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share? I have so many... Zoids AU after a bit of a ChengXian upset:

Jiāng Chéng glares down. “About time you stopped hiding.”  “Was not!”  “Then what were you doing?” He leans against the rail, almost bent double over it to look down.  Wèi Wúxiàn traces the elegant line of Jiāng Chéng’s back, defined by that criminal unitard, interrupted by the bulk of his jacket tied around his waist. “What a man does in private should stay private, but if you ask again, I’ll tell you.” And a wink for good measure!  Jiāng Chéng slowly blinks those pretty silver eyes of his, stunned for all of a moment before the flush of embarrassment colors his cheeks and ears all at once. “You’re fucking shameless.”

🦋 Which character is your favorite to write? Aiya, so like "favorite to write" like do they mean perspective? Do they mean just having the character doing stuff in the scene? I'll just answer both. I LOVE writing Jiang Cheng but my favorite character perspective (so far) is Wei Wuxian. That probably explains so much about my shipping habits 😅 JC is just fascinating to observe and WWX is nosy. Prime combo, right there.

🌟✨🌟✨🌟✨

Woof that took a bit and I should be working! Thank you SOO much for giving me excuses to ramble and ponder. 🙌

[cloud-somersault]

Dude I'm just gonna say this, "the constellations within us" literally changed my life. My sincerest apologies for the rant but I can't stress enough how much constellations changed me and my writing, and sorry if this barely makes sense, english isn't my first language(sorry!) and after rereading "axis" i'm too excited to think properly.

Before I read constellations (or any of your works) I was too scared to post any of my fics because I was super insecure about my writing, but It wasn't until I read constellations when I finally found the courage to post my stuff rather than have it rot in my docs, and I can't thank you enough for helping me find the courage to show off my writing, no matter how insecure I was about it at the time. Constellations gave me a push in the right directions, if it wasn't for your writing, I still would've been too scared to write, and I wouldn't have improved at all.

before I knew of your works I didn't really have direction with my writing (if that makes any sense?), I didn't know what I wanted people to feel in my writing, I just kinda wrote in a really bland way and I honestly hated my style because it just wasn't hitting correctly, but when I did get around to reading your stuff it just kinda snapped in my brain, your writing set off a switch in my head and I realized at that moment 'oh my great sage, this is literally peak', I wanted my writing to deliver the same amount of emotion that yours does, like I wanted to FEEL my writing like I do yours.

in that one chapter of "the constellations across our bodies" where Mk attempts to confront Macaque (I, for the LIFE of me can't remember which chapter it was) I was at the end of my seat, (literally, I almost fell off) I can't express in words the dreadful feeling in my gut I felt, and I can keep going on and on about how your fics heavily influenced some of my hcs and the portrayal of Shadowpeach in my works.

I've found myself studying your works on more than one occasion, and after realizing what made your writing so gosh darn good and applying to my writing, I've realized how much my writing has improved; I don't think I've ever felt happier with my writing, and I can't thank you enough, really, thank you so much for being such a good writer.

ALL of your fics make me kick my feet in the air and giggle like a little girl.

I consider you to be one of my favorite writers like ever, but at the same time, I'm just wondering what in the world possessed you to write such a genuinely POWERFUL fic? Constellations is one of the BIGGEST inspirations for any of my works, and I fully blame this fic for the nearly 80k words worth of unpublished Shadowpeach fics I've written at like 11 pm hidden deep in my Google docs. If it wasn't obvious enough, I am in LOVE with your writing style, every time I am blessed by your writing appearing on my Ao3 I will inevitably end up writing at LEAST 20k more words on what ever fic i'm working on.

And again, thank you so, so for being such an amazing writer and for being one of the most influential people in my writing journey, I am forever grateful for the pure, unbridled talent that I, and several others, have had the chance to witness, keep up the good work, and I pray the Ao3 author's curse doesn't reach you anytime soon!

stay safe, and hope you have an amazing day/night!!

✨

WOW what a sweet ask!! 🥺💖😭💖🥺💖 I am literally in shock, thanks so much for typing this out and sending it!!!

I am beyond happy that something that I wrote inspired you enough to share your work with others. Sometimes, all it takes is one last little push for us to take the plunge and start our writing journey into the world. I'm so happy you gained that confidence from reading my fic. I don't think there's a higher honor for a fic author, so thank you for telling me!!

I absolutely know what you mean when you say you weren't sure what you wanted to convey in your writing. I've been doing this a long time, so I know most of the writer hurdles and bumps. And I remember posting my first story and how I was unsure of what story I wanted to tell and what I wanted people to feel. It's difficult to decide on a tone for a piece of fiction, but more than that, it's deciding what story you want to tell and share.

If nothing else, remember that when you write, you're putting yourself on that page, a piece of yourself. When you post it for others to read, you're sharing a part of yourself. That's why it can be difficult to take critique. This...self-expression through literature is a state of vulnerability. But good things come from that, too, and it can be a lot of fun thinking about what part of yourself you want to share with others.

When I wrote Constellations, I wanted to share many things. I wanted to tell many stories. But, I think, more than anything, I wanted to emphasize the importance of the connections people have with others. It's something I have to remind myself often. I didn't value and treasure the connections I had before...now that I've grown and matured, I'm reevaluating the connections that I want to protect and nurture versus the ones that are harmful to me.

I wanted constellations to be a reminder of that. that...there are some connections that are worth fighting for and protecting, and worth putting that extra effort into.

But, I think more than that, I just wanted to write shadowpeach in my style. Never underestimate the power and motivation or spite and wanting so badly to see a couple portrayed in a way that you're not seeing 😭

This ask is so sweet, and there's so much I could say, but I want you! to know this. When I was starting out, I was unsure but I was also having fun! Writing should be fun first of all, and I'm still having fun. Never forget; this is a hobby, and it should be fun for you. It should give you energy or uplift you.

As you continue to write and read and develop your own style, let yourself be influenced by other pieces of media. The more you write, the more you'll develop a style that's uniquely yours. And once you've done that? Well, there's nothing you can't do.

Thank you for reading my works and finding joy in them! That's super important to me. This ask made me remember...I wouldn't have started writing if it weren't for fanfic writers posting their fic and sharing it. They inspired me to write. They gave me courage. To know that I've done that for you? Is like. Phenomenal. I'm so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've come full circle. I guess my character arc is finished.

Thank you so much again! And good luck on your writing journey, and don't lose heart! At the end of the day, always remember: only you can write the stories in your head. No one else can do it with the same glamor, pizzazz, passion, intent, and love that you can.

I'll see you on ao3, friend! 💕

[ryuubff]

it’s already march again WHICH I THINK MEANS ITS BEEN A WHOLE YEAR!! OF KAZUXIAO HEADCANONS AND AUS!!! so, in honor of this I’ll send a few more!!

Xiao is not by any means a writer, he often struggles to find the right words to use, and when he does, he tends to be straightforward. Despite all this, he tries his damndest to write poems for Kazuha to express his emotions in the same way that he is shown them. Kazuha finds this really cute, and even buys a notebook for Xiao to write his poems down in.

Kazuha would, without a doubt, remove the bandages from his hand to put them on a wound of Xiao’s, even if he doesn’t get injured in the same way. In return Xiao tries to show small gestures of appreciation besides just stating his thanks, and makes sure to remind Kazuha that his scarred hand is still beautiful.

Kazuha has a deep understanding of music, and it comes naturally to him, in a way that intrigues Xiao more than he thought possible. Kazuha could make a concert out of the sound of raindrops and his own humming, and still have it be so whole. Xiao is in awe at how someone can make a melody out of anything.

Despite being a very powerful and ethereal being, Xiao always treats Kazuha as an equal, or (in times of greater mental strife) as something higher than himself, without as many sins and burdens to bear. Kazuha is always quick to dismiss those latter thoughts from Xiao’s head, and remind him of his worth.

I like to think that upon meeting Xiao, Kazuha took more interest in the adepti than he had before, taking time to research them with books from their homeland of liyue, rather than folktale from inazuma. It surprises Xiao when Kazuha even acknowledges the Yakshas and their hard work, including the burden they have.

THESE ARE ALL SO GOOOD AND WHAAAAT ITS ALREADY BEEN A YEAR SINCE YOU STARTED SENDING HCS THATS SO INSANE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 LEMME REPLY TO EACH AND EVERY HC w my tjoughts 💔💔

xiao writing simple poems and haikus from the knowledge he gets from kazuha and also asking tips from zhongli 🥹🥹 it would be cute and like meaningful for someone like kazuha who writes alot

AND SCARS WAAAAH xiao tracing over kazuha’s scars not only the ones on his hands bc he definitelt doesnt have xiao’s quick healing abilities 😭😭 i think itd be so … vulnerable for kazuha ❤️‍🩹

HEEEHNNGNHH THIS ISBWHY LIKE I THINK KAZUHA WOULD TEACH XIAO HOW TO USE THE ANCIENT ZITHER (from that one event) in the way in the modern band au he’d teach him how to play the guitar

and yes in xiao’s head theyre both equals because xiao could also actually die despite being immortal!! and with the whole karmic thing and losing god knows how many people in his life he probably has alot of insecurities and fears of not being enough or worth staying around for 😭😭😭💔 but kazuha … kazuha seems like a patient enough person who wouldnt mind because hes a resillient and determined person

AND YEA the moment he meets xiao he asks beidou all she knows about adepti + goes to that bookstore in liyue and demands for all the books they have on adepti (the last yaksha one is his most favorite but he prefers listening to the actual story from the actual person himself)

AND AGAIN THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING A HUGE SUPPORTER FOR A YEAR NOW!! You are so awesome . Truly . One of the only constants i see on my side of the kazuxiao fandom for a whole entire year now . 😭❤️❤️❤️

[moononastring]

you guys ;;;;;

[taegularities]

Hey! Idk how to ask u this, but you're like my fav fic writer... Actually my fav writer in all and your fics really give me comfort... Idk if you're taking any requests at the moment, if not then ignore this but i have just been feeling very iffy for a while and i just wanted to ask if you could like write a short drabble where the reader and jk are in a long distance relationship and the reader just feels very disconnected recently like she feels that jk does not really miss her as much or like he has stopped flirting or stopped being all fluffy with her and she feels insecure and talks to him and he kind of comforts her... It would mean a lot if you could like write something like this and even if you can't it's ok, I just need a little comfort😅and i didn't know where to go.

hey love 🥺 first of all, i am so so happy my stories and blog are able to give u comfort. ur favourite writer, that means SO SO much to me !! 🥺 so i don't take requests, but i'll make an exception for u, cos u don't deserve to be sad <3

hope it helps u <3 !!

pairing: jk x reader

genre: fluff, light angst; established relationship

warnings: insecurity, worries about studies, but that’s it <3

wc: 1.1k

Back when Jungkook's hand slipped out of yours to leave for two full years, your friends had told you things might not work out the way you desired.

The tears you'd cried and the painful yearning you'd fallen into hadn't fazed you enough to let him and everything between you turn to ashes. After all, the years you'd spent loving him and staying by his side weren't a memory you were ready to let fall, so you didn't care about the constant warnings your group of friends threw at you.

But now that the winter he left you in has passed and cherry blossoms have started blooming, you're not quite sure how smart it was to hold on and shut down everyone and everything. A long distance relationship was going to weigh you down, you knew, but what you didn't anticipate was the silence in your room that seems to stretch endlessly now.

It must have been days since you last heard of him.

Maybe he's moved on; maybe his studies are too intense to focus on anything else. Or maybe, he's grown bored of you, too busy to even flirt with you or indulge in the usual teasing conversations you two used to have.

But as you lay on your soft mattress tonight, you decide to stop dwelling on the maybes and grab your phone with determination instead. Your knuckles pale around the device, and you take a shuddering breath before you scroll to his name and press the call button.

The ring that chimes through your speakers is agonising; a real torture in a moment like this, proceeding endlessly until–

"Hey, you," sings his melodious voice in your ears, and for a moment, he sounds happy enough to hear from you to let your worries fade. "Why are you awake this late?"

"Mmmh. I just wanted to talk to you a bit,” you admit as you flip to your side, one hand tugging at the thin blanket, “I missed hearing you say good night to me.”

A soft chuckle sounds from your phone; it’s a song that has lulled you to sleep millions of times. Back when he was still here and in your arms, holding you like you were his anchor and kept him in place. You miss it. You miss his warmth, his words, his stories. His kisses. Him.

“But you don’t call me anymore,” you continue, blinking into the darkness slowly, “so what’s going on?”

Jungkook hesitates. You hear the sigh clearly, along with a shuffling that sounds like his fingers are fiddling with something in front of him nervously. You nibble at your lower lip, fully ready to repeat your question before he says, “Nothing’s going on.”

“Is that true?”

Another pause; another heartbeat passing in silence.

“Jungk–”

“I don’t know,” he then interjects, inhaling a deep breath; and his voice shrinks when he speaks on, “school has been planting a lot of doubts in my head lately.”

“Why’s that?”

Whatever you expected, this wasn’t it. You’re always proud and fearless about his achievements, always certain that Jungkook knows his way around college and is smart enough to climb the ladder of success rapidly. To hear that you’re not the reason of the silence between you but his studies, might be worse.

“My last few projects failed a little. I mean, I passed and all, but,” he pauses, hums, clicks his tongue, “I wasn’t happy with them. And then I was thinking... what if I stop enjoying what I do in, I don’t know, ten, twenty years?”

You let out a quiet, surprised laugh; as a college student, you understand his struggles all too well. You’ve had your fair share of disappointments and hardships, but Jungkook has always thoroughly enjoyed every single class, every single topic he had to study for his exams.

But your former issues with your school are also the exact reason why your reassurances shoot out of you without a hint of hesitation, “You know, there’ll always be something you won’t like. And days you’ll hate. A job can’t be rainbows and flowers all the time.”

“Yeah...”

“And even if you do get bored one day, that’s fine. Luckily, we can educate ourselves all our lives, so if you ever wanna try something new and...”

“Hey,” he interrupts, your eyes blowing wide as you stop your uplifting speech. Have you said something wrong? “Hey...”

“Hi?”

“I love you, you know?” After all these years, your heart doesn’t get used to his little, random confessions; they remind you of the blessing he is, remind you of how the world has granted you with this very blessing. “I really didn’t wanna stress you, so I didn’t call, but... you really put my mind at ease.”

Your chest swells with pride and affection, and you shake your head at his usual stupidity with a grin as wide as your room. He always hides his sadness deep inside his heart, so you should have expected this situation instead of concluding something as ridiculous as you did.

“And I thought you don’t like me anymore...”

The statement earns you an immediate, sudden laugh, incomprehensible words uttered in between that make you join his joy. If he was here, you’d slap his shoulder in playfulness, and then proceed to kiss his stupid smirk away. It’s a terrible thing, this distance...

“When are you coming back?”

He clears his throat once his laughter dies down, humming again in thought before he declares, “Sooner than you might expect.”

“So you’re not telling me when?”

“Nope.” He pops the p at the end of the word, and you imagine the teasing shimmer in his eyes that you’ve burned in your mind. “Sit tight, angel.” For a moment, he basks in the sound of your scoff, brushing his hair back and out of his forehead before he adds, “And hey.”

“Yes.”

“Whatever my future might consist of... I won’t have it, if you’re not in it. Okay?”

The giddy feeling in your guts spreads like a wildfire, burning your insides with a profound intensity as you clutch the phone and your blanket tighter. You want to squeal as you did the first time he asked you out; the first time he confessed his love to you.

But instead, you smile, tongue darting out to wet your lips; and then, you say, “Then I’ll make sure to stick around for some more.”

You’re the most celestial being he’s ever had the privilege to love; to think that you might be doubting his undying affection towards you is almost ridiculous. What’s his world without your smart, clumsy, slightly insane existence in it?

Plane tickets for the upcoming weekend rest peacefully on the table in front of him. And as his glittering doe eyes move to the object in his hand, the jewellery smiles back just as brightly from its dark blue, small box.

––––––––

hope this could cheer u up a bit, anon <3

[asterjennifer]

🎀 I’d like to take a moment and speak to everyone who plays with the thought of writing Fanfictions or stories in general.

I’ve seen and met people who enjoy bringing stories to life by scribbling them down, by expanding their creativity in ways that only writing can provide the satisfaction they’re seeking..

You see, my dear, If you find joy in writing and would like to create something of your own, then you should do so.

Expectations don’t get set by the community like you might think, or to a particular genre or Author which you look up to. For your own writing, the standards are given by yourself.

I get that wanting to be “good enough” holds you back from taking action, but the thing is that you will always develop your work and it becomes better the more you write.

As someone who does this passionately as a hobby in a language that isn’t even my native one, which shows whenever I grow further in my vocabulary and grammar, it’s a must to me to have you know this:

You are good enough and you can post whatever you wrote!

Criticism and confusion can be a shameful feeling, I won’t deny that. Which is also probably 90% that lets you think it’s not worth publishing, or heaven forbid, try it out. Because there are people so much more talented, right?

But living on others’s standards and thinking these are the given ones you need to fulfill to be good enough is false.

You get to grow and you’ll see how far a story can strive your imagination when stripping the fear off to give it a shot. I promise you, it’s worth ignoring the demons and try it out.

As someone who’s familiar with the writing game since a few years, personally I can tell you the doubt about your abilities won’t ever leave completely. You perhaps get frustrated while writing, thinking how this isn’t good enough or that you could describe this so much better if only knowing the right words.

When reading other work, you won’t stop thinking “Man, I wish I could write like that.” or “I want my writing style to be like this, but I don’t think I can make it happen...” These thoughts and issues will stay with you as a writer.

Sometimes things you create don’t get seen as much, often these are the ones you like in particular or worked very hard on as well. It can happen that work of hours, weeks or even months end up in the bin because you lose motivation or don’t feel like the story turned out how you expected it to go.

But you know what? That is totally okay. It’s normal.

That shouldn’t stop you from telling stories by using short stories or Fanfictions as a base. Ideas sparkle like wildfire at times, they might fade after being done, they might even fade in the middle of creating.

However, even then you can pat your back for giving it a try, for getting better at writing as a whole and find out what exactly strikes your passion and what not!

To this day: I struggle seeing the value in my work, especially the older ones where I started learning English grammar. I’m ashamed for some work that I put out there, too. Yet I kept it all online.

Why that? Because there are people who love what you make even when you might find it’s not worth any recognition.

It’s mostly sweet fear. There are people who don’t mind typos, who don’t mind or see when your variation of words isn’t very big or when your writing style feels hard to read through for yourself.. If doing this for the sake of fun, to let out some things that circle around your mind or because you want to try out what it’s like being an writing artist:

Then you shouldn’t let insecurities hold you back.

Nothing bad can happen, only some criticism can occur but that is also a form of support! It helps you getting better and might open your eyes to certain perspectives that you have missed exploring until then.

It pains me whenever I see people write something and talk about a story with such deep vision, only to refuse taking action due to these fears that we all share. That shouldn’t ever hold you back.

I tell you, for 5 years I write almost daily and these insecurities won’t vanish. They stay and will always be the price to pay when creating your own story. But they push you forward! They give you the courage and urge you to become better the next time! It doesn’t look like it, but they help you with this type of creativity.

So please, to everyone who’s holding back to create a beautiful or amazing story: Take it from an artist working with this kind of stuff daily.

You can definitely do it! And you should try it if it sparks your interest!!  🎀

[riverisnotsafe]

Mine.

PAIRING: F!Servant!Reader x Naoya Zenin

WARNINGS: NAOYA ZENIN. Naoya smut. NSFW, Minors DNI. | If you're into any of these: possessive Naoya, breeding kink (?), mentions of overstimulation, jealous Naoya.

A/N: You can call me Noct or River. I’m still fairly new to how tumblr works and how writers and bloggers (?) write their imagines/fics so I do apologize in advance if my writing is not to your liking. I will also post on AO3 under sunflowerpsycho. I'm still trying to improve^^ This was self-indulgent and not edited so pretty all over the place and might be unclear in some parts, sorry bout that.

The reader lowkey a pick me but depends on how you view her, either she's a pick me or she just acts the way she acts to accustom and stroke the lil bitches ego.

“A-ah! Naoya-sama!” you moan his name as he shoots his load deep in you. A few moments of bliss and you were ready to clean yourself. Naoya never liked staying in bed long after sex. He finds it disgusting. All the fluids of sweat, semen and love juices mixed together made his skin crawl. “Oi woman, where are you going?” You haven’t even gotten up but Naoya had you strongly wrapped in his embrace. His cock still deep within you, as if acting as a plug. “I’m gonna wash myself..? You don’t like being dirty like this...usually?” the last bit came out as a question when Naoya buried his head deep into the crevice of your neck. “Ah, I’ll let it pass today. Just stay here. My cum is gonna leak out if you move.” he tried to shove himself deeper, earning an unexpected moan from you. “L-leak out???” Does Naoya have a breeding kink? Is he trying to keep his cum in you???? “N-naoya-sama...are you trying to breed me?” at the mention of breed, you could feel his dick twitch in your core. “Shut up woman.” Ah...so he is and he’s embarrassed to admit. “I feel honoured if that’s what you’re trying to do...” another twitch.

Under that tough misogynistic act, this man is just a boy who thrives on praise, he probably was deprived of any in his childhood, hence the superiority complex. But with you, he’s quite honest. The body doesn’t lie. You were just another servant. He probably paid and slept with many so you never thought of it as anything special. Besides, after all of this dirty work, both of you end up going your separate ways. A servant and the young master. That’s all it is. That is until one of the maids tried stealing from the family, unfortunately from Naoya and he didn’t take it too lightly. A woman and a thief, absolutely the worst. Ever since that, he appointed you as his personal maid, to ensure that only one person will serve him. Only one will enter and exit his quarters. Only one will serve his meals. Only one will tend to him. Only one will follow him around the house. Only one will keep him company when needed. Why did he choose you? Honestly you had no idea. Out of all the servants, clearly you were the least appealing, especially for a man of Naoya’s caliber.

You could never rival the looks of any of the other girls. You were chubby. Your thighs a bit too thick. Your cheeks were puffy. You had no thigh gap. Curves? Well, they weren’t hour-glass curves so you were bedrock bottom ranked. And when it came to family, you were a nobody. All the other servants have been serving the Zenin clan for generations. You were just a nobody who was pulled into the servant life to pay off your parent’s debt. What luck. It took him time though, to make you tend to him sexually. He might have a big ego and any woman would sleep with him but deep down he knew it was only for money and his looks, which he prided on. The sex was always bland. He could care less about the women’s pleasures, he would ejaculate outside, toss them money and demand them to immediately leave. He found them disgusting. Weren’t you just the same?

He had a great face, an even better body and all the riches you could’ve dreamt of, so why has he not tossed you out yet. He for sure can suspect that you’re just the same as all those women, plus, you were even lower, a nobody. Yet, here he is, deep inside you. This has been..about the sixth time you and Naoya have had intercourse. The first three times was when you were just a normal servant. Coincidentally he always found you and forced you to pleasure him. The pay was good so you never complained. After becoming his personal maid, it took a few months to make you fulfil his sexual needs, which is rather strange. A man like knows nothing of consent. He’s a tyrant. What he wants, he can get and he will. So why did he take months to make you fuck him when it was so easy before becoming his personal servant. Who knows? Maybe it was his underlying insecurities asking him to be sure.

“Naoya-sama...may I turn to look at you?” he grunts. “I’ll be sure to avoid any leakage” he nods. You slowly turn your body, still impaled on him. It was a different kind of pleasure but you withheld your moans. Your face are so close. This moment is intimate, for you and him. Almost unreal. He’s gorgeous. That red tint of blush and sex afterglow just added more to his beauty. “Naoya-sama. May I speak more than usual?” “Only because you asked for permission. Proceed.” he avoided looking into your eyes. A shy one. “I appreciate my master’s kindness. Thank you for allowing me to speak. Naoya-sama...please be honest with me. Are you trying to impregnate me? Why? I’m just a lowly servant. I could never be perfect to bear your children, or be a concubine. I have no value. You are too kind. We should stop. I will remove myself now. Thank you for your time master.” You slowly push yourself off him. He grabs your arm harshly, definitely bruising it.

“You said no leakage. And how dare you speak to your master so insolently? How dare you question what holds value to me or not. You are a lowly servant. You’re a filthy no-name bitch. You live to lick my shoes and pick up money I throw on the ground. You are not going anywhere. You are staying on this bed with me in you. You have to be reminded who your master is.” Oooh, you definitely pissed him off. You winced at his words. They were normal, he always told you where your place is so it wasn’t a surprise. “You stupid woman. Now it’s out. You moved and now it’s out.” he sounds disappointed. He was whining like a child. “Naoya-sama!” he plunged into you hard. “Yes, scream my name you stupid bitch.” He went faster and faster. “Don’t cum inside...I’m not worthy master” “Shut your mouth. Worthy? No woman is worthy of me. Selfish. All they care about are themselves. Such an inferior gender thinking what they know is worthy? I decide. I decide your worth.” He changed positions. He pressed both your legs close to your chest. A mating press. He was so deep. The squelching of his previous load acting as lubricant was erotic.

“You. Your lewd body. You were always trying to seduce me. Those luscious thighs. These fat breasts. You were made for child-bearing. The look you make when I fuck you. So in awe, eyes rolling back. Ah. Ah. Sometimes you even forgot payment because you rushed to clean yourself. You were the only memorable one. The sounds you make. You’re erotic. No one else can see or hear you except me. Mine. Mine. Mine.” Naoya drilled you senseless. So desperate to hear you. Desperate to look at your expressions. Desperate to conquer you. “N-naoya-sama! Ah! Ah! Naoya-sama!” You had practically lost any sense and all you could feel was his dick fucking you mercilessly. The veins. The length. The girth. He fit like a glove. He had shaped you to be accustomed to him. “When that no-name clan came yesterday for a meeting. I saw your look. You enjoyed how they all looked at you didn’t you? You slut. You’d want them to fuck you like this right? Only I can though. You smiled and served them. Desperate bitch.” The meeting yesterday?

Your mind wandered. Oh yes, a small clan that are partners with the Zenin in business. The heirs were quite good-looking and well-mannered, how could a lady not feel flattered. You can’t remember if you specifically smiled or enjoyed their small talk. Was being polite not a simple necessity a servant should have towards guests? To ensure their master was not seen as tardy. You can’t remember their names or faces. All you remember was Naoya slipping his hand under your garments and fingering you. “You enjoyed people watching right? Especially since they were good-looking. I WAS RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. Disgusting piece of shit.” He got even rougher. You don’t know how many times you’ve orgasmed and how many times Naoya had ejaculated in you but he was still at it. He’s jealous huh.. how strange. A man that could have anything and anyone in the world was strangely possessive of a worthless woman like you. “You can’t show them those expressions. Mine. Your kindness mine. Your sounds. Mine. You’re my servant.” he sounds sad.

Despite being in subspace, you unintentionally reach out to your master and cub his face. “Naoya-sama. I love you.” Those unintentional words made the malicious man slow down his pace. “What did you say?” Is he angry? Oof, all the best dealing with another tantrum. You couldn’t feel anything. Legs sore. Your mind had wandered. The pleasure had made you dumb yet the little consciousness you have for your master remained. “I love you, Naoya.” His cock twitched. “Again” “I love you.” “Again” “I love you, Naoya-sama”. All that repeating made you come to your senses. “I don’t remember the men from yesterday. All I remember were your thick fingers in me. My expressions and mewls were for you. If this body is what you want then I will offer it all to you, my master. Ask, you are my master after all. All of me is yours.” You get up a bit, and stagger, he fucked the life outta ya. “Master, allow me to speak.” a small dumbfounded nod. You slip a hand onto his cheek and kiss him. Both of you never shared a kiss.

It was too intimate for a servant to kiss their master. Only their betrothed would be worthy but you couldn’t help it, you needed to assure this man-child, you were no one else’s. “Master, I-“ “Naoya. When we’re alone call me Naoya.” a small smile crept onto your lips. “Naoya, breed me.” His face was flushed. That’s exactly what he wanted. Through the night, he fucked you in every inch of the room. Both of your fluids and smell, absolutely drenched his quarters. He never once ejaculated outside. Every drip of his semen was in your womb, he wouldn’t even pull out, in fear it would leak. Shower? He fucked you while showering too. His animalistic senses stopped when a knock on the door came.

“Lay down with your back arched. It can’t leak.” He put on a robe and answered. A woman’s voice. “Naoya-sama. Naobito-sama is calling for you.” “Tch. Annoying old man” he slams the door shut. “Oi. Arch even more.” He came back to you. “I’m going to put this in you so you don’t spill.” He was holding, A DILDO? This man has a dildo? “N-naoya-sama, t-thats...” “Some servant I had my way with some time ago left it to fuck with me. I kept it not knowing what it was but now the shape looks like it’d plug you up good.” A servant he had his ways with huh. You were just another one right. He seemed to have noticed your train of thought. “Stupid woman. That servant is long gone. And now. You’re mine. No other stupid bitch except you. Stop thinking nonsense. Maybe I’ll remind you a bit more. That old man can wait.” He unrobed and pounced you. You definitely can’t walk for a few days.

“I’ll plug you up and we’ll go see the old man” he sounds, quite joyful. “If you move and leak, I won’t hesitate to fill you up again.” Ah. He’s definitely Naoya Zenin. “Naoya-sama” you smile. “What? You should be grateful that I’ve allowed you to speak so many times since last night.” You can’t help but giggle. A slight blush forms on Naoya’s face. “How dare you laugh at m-“ you pull him in for a kiss. He reluctantly kissed back. “Naoya-sama, I love you.” you smiled. He thrusted into you without warning. “The old man can definitely wait. You filled with my child is more important.” God knows how many times he’d come in your womb without pulling out, there’s no way you’re not pregnant. “Naoya-sama...let’s stop here...I can’t walk properly if we continue, then a different servant will have to serve you.” He was about to argue but held his tongue. “Fine.” He pulled out and slowly shoved the dildo in. Looks like he’d rather have wobbly-legged you than another servant. You can't help but smile. “Go shower and meet me back here. And clean the room after meeting with the old man. The smell...erotic but dreadful. Wash everything.” “Yes my master.” You hurriedly got clothed and rushed to the servant quarters to clean up. You were happy. What a weirdo.

[xo-cuteplosion-xo]

Yayy! Requests from one of my fave writers are open💕💕💕

Soo, I’ve had this fic idea for quite some time in my mind and it could be interesting. I would love to see a Dazai x Fem!Reader where the reader is a new member of the agency and have been work partners for quite some time with Dazai. The reader feels insecure because Dazai doesn't do his usual flirty stuff to her, but that's only because Dazai doesn't know how to deal with the feeling of real love, and one day, they have a painful talk about it (which starts with the reader confronting him about this when he asks what’s wrong, maybe?)- I would love for this to go from angst to fluff, thank you so much 💔💕

Awwww! I'm a favorite writer of yours! Thank you for such a generous compliment!

My belladonna |Dazai x Female Reader|

Warnings: dazai’s typical thoughts, long fic

Words: 2,385

I worked hard on this one, so I hope you like it. The fluff does take a bit but I assure you the fluff at the end is worth the angst!

Love, a humane concept many never give a second thought towards. What is love exactly? Is it the feeling of being happy which is caused by another? Then what separates love from a deep underlying friendship? Is it the fluttering tightness in your chest? Could it be the sweat and discomfort that forms near somebody you supposedly love? Was love only something a sane person who understands the meaning behind being human can feel and understand? Love raises so many questions it’s better to ignore all contact, to avoid anything that could lead to falling deeper. 

Dazai had never put so much of his mind's capabilities onto a feeling before. He’d never wondered what love meant. His eyes stared off beyond the clouds as he thought about his recent missions with her. She was always so different from the other women he knew or had met over the years. The way she made her presence known in the room, or how her body seemed to be the last thing he noticed. That was important, at least when looking at Dazai. Dazai was not a man of the gentlemen variety. He actually rather impolite, some could say disgusting. He was, after all, a womanizer. It was no unknown fact he slept around, flirted, and even treated women with disrespect. Yet here she was, the newest member of the agency, his current partner. He could hardly glance her way without being star-struck. His eyes would nearly reflect the look of a teenage boy lost in a fantasy. He imagined what her voice would sound like, saying I love you, thank you, you're welcome. He imagined what goodbye embraces and welcome back embraces would feel like. Imagined her kindness, pointed and focused on him. All of this made him confused, he’d never been here before. Nobody in all his miserable years had ever strayed his thoughts to such territory. To avoid confronting the feelings that may or may not spook him, he ignored her. He treated her like he would any other co-worker. He never once asked her his questions of the suicidal manor. He never once flirted with her, he hardly talked to her.

You grew to notice these things over time. The way he avoided you; like you were some disaster waiting to happen. The way he flirted with almost every other woman besides you. Every time you worked by his side, the pain only increased. The thud of your own heart kept you from falling over the pain. Every time he glanced another's way, felt like another dagger stabbed to your side. Thoughts of what if’s eventually circled within your head. Asking yourself if you had done something to insult him. Even his coworkers couldn’t give you a solid answer to Dazai’s behavior. No matter what you did for him, he never seemed to show an ounce of care in your direction. He didn’t touch the gifts you gave him, no matter what they were. Even if they were tips on his little obsession with suicide, he ignored them. He couldn’t face you in person either. Unless you worked together, he hardly spoke to you. 

Like any sane person, you couldn’t handle it anymore. A confrontation was called for.

~

Beneath the moonlight, as the hours of the agency closed and Dazai stayed behind, you fell back to have privacy with him. Even as the others left and bid you good luck with confronting him, you stayed put. It wasn’t that Dazai stayed late to work, he stayed late to make sure everything was alright with the agency, and to grab any leftover coffee/food from the day. He hadn’t expected to run into you as he attempted to leave with a few bags of collected things, stolen things. The moonlight glimmered against your reflection, illuminating your every feature. His eyes instantly darted from you to the door. Unsure how to respond, he let the atmosphere settle in, despite the awkwardness. “We need to talk.” Your voice despite the slight aggravation was more than angelic to him.

Putting on a smile, he raised a brow to play off the thudding pound of his heart. “Oh? We do, did something come up?” he sounded almost nervous, but he masked it enough to hide it from you.

Another silence folded over the two. With every moment, Dazai became less and less comfortable. Being in her presence was enough to send his mind whirling with confusing thoughts again. Her own nerves were starting to act up. Having to hold her hands behind her back as she fidgeted. Within the dimly lit room, illuminated by a few lights and the moon, they stood. Neither of them spoke, afraid of what came after the silence.

That was until your voice picked up from the silence. Shattering it with a soft echo. Speaking with a meek voice, you asked Dazai about his recent behavior with you. “Do you hate me?” The words slipped with ease, but hurt to speak. Afraid, he'll choke on his answer and tell you that you had done something to harm his ego, or that he didn’t find you interesting.

Dazai’s hands slid into his pockets, clenching together tightly. “No, why would you think I hate you?” he spoke clearly with no hint of nervous hesitation or lies. Yet, you could not believe him. Within his body language, the lack of eye contact, the unsure tilt of the head, the slip of his hands to his pockets, it all told you he was hiding something. 

Exhaling as calmly as you could to calm your nervous chatter, you spoke up again. “Look at me then.” You hissed the words, your own eyes darting to look away from him.

Dazai froze before his head slowly shook. “I can’t,” he mumbled. His voice losing the usual confident, cocky tone as he spoke. There was no childish intent, no cocky extent, no humor to his voice. It was bland with nervous fear.

“Because you don’t like me.” Saying the words out loud made the knives that struck through turn into poisonous bullets. Each word, each realization had the initial sting of a bullet, but left a thudding emptiness, the poison.

“I don't,” he whispered. Though his voice cracked in a waiver. His breathing unsteady to match your own rapid breaths. His heart pounded with a fear he’d never felt before. His heart, his mind, it was still too confusing. He didn’t understand, couldn’t comprehend this feeling.

“Yes, you do! You treat every other woman the same! I wouldn’t mind if you just… if you just didn’t flirt, but you… you won’t even look at me!” with every pause and stutter, the pain grew. With every pause, your voice picked up. The ocean of emotion you had left untouched and sealed, starting to unravel and make sense. 

“... I…” Dazai had no reply to your words. His head screamed at him to reach out and grab hold of you. To drop down and do as he always did. Another half of him told him to pull something else. To pull out a gift and woo you with flowers and soft praises. He didn’t understand how to truly appreciate this feeling or how to acknowledge it. He wants so much revolving around you, but he didn’t know what to do. Not even his words could form a snarky comeback or an excuse. He couldn’t pull the usual words like, you’re just too stunning to look at. 

Watching his silence, and the only word he spit be a single vowel, you shook your head. The emotional fire within your chest letting go. You turned towards the door rather dramatically. Your hand grasping the handle in a swift motion. “You’re a selfish bastard Dazai. You’re a selfish bastard. Letting women fall in love only to rip their hearts from their chests. I knew you were one of those men, yet I still… I still gave it to you.” Dropping the anger and the loudness of your voice you spoke softly. With slight drips of venom being used to cover the pain consuming you.

He watched her pull the door open in one single movement. His eyes traced her movements as the door slammed. The words she spoke took what felt like millennia to make sense. He kept trying to make sense of her words, he didn’t understand any of them. He couldn’t until he took into thought his own heart. He stopped trying to make sense, and rather let his heart make sense of it. Understanding human emotions, understanding what made humans… Well, humans, was never his forte. Not a second later, his eyes shot wide and his lips parted with shock. A new thought he’d never understand crossing his restless mind. “Why, why would she love me?” he shook away the thought, reaching for the handle of the door and flinging it open. Never in his life had he been the one doing the chase, yet here he was doing just that. His feet carried him down the stairs and out of the building. The slow patter of the rain provides a dramatic splatter when his feet hit the cold cement. His breaths formed white puffs of air as he skidded to a stop. Thinking back to missions, recalling the sentences he’d tried to ignore. The things about her he tried to ignore. The invitations to walk. The way she came up behind him, trying to interact while he ignored her. Without having to recall much, his feet swerved to the left and ran. His feet slid here and there over the slippery gravel, the mud, and sharp turns. His gut led him instead of his mind. For once, he was trusting his instincts. The park his heart shouted. The first time he’d truly fallen for her, the smile she gave him on her first day. It was love at first sight. Love, admitting it was really such a humane feeling was terrifying. Yes, he’d always wanted to understand humanity, but starting with something that could end in flames or bliss... was no more terrifying than standing over the ledge of a cliff. 

As your feet came to a sudden halt, you found yourself at the park. Remembering the way he looked and acted when you first joined brought more water to gather along with the rain. Slipping down onto the bench, covered with the sky's tears, you curled your legs into your chest. Burying your face into your knees, you swore to yourself this wouldn’t happen again. You had been a fool, hadn't you? A fool to love a man like Dazai. Somebody obsessed with suicide and willing to flirt with every woman his eyes caught. Slowly, the rain began to pick up its pace. The moon reflected in puddles where the mud could no longer soak up its water.

He searched the area for a while despite the quickening pace of the rain. As his eyes settled against your drenched form, the way you cuddled against yourself, his heart cracked. His arms slipped from his jacket despite it being somewhat wet. While he was nervous, he snuck up behind you and rested his coat on your shoulders. He took a seat at the other end of the bench. Pulling his knees to his chest, he decided to finally share why he’d been so distant and a jerk towards you. “I was scared. I ignored, avoided, and pretended to not notice you because I was afraid.” Your glance was doubtful, after all, when was he ever scared of something? “Doubting me? I get why, I'm never scared, that's what you think right?" there was a small nod from your head, but it caused him to sigh. “I do get scared, emotions scare me. Feeling human, it’s what I want, I want to understand what it is to be human, but starting out with this… it’s terrifying.” Watching as you didn’t respond but look away, he let out a frustrated groan.

“Just, leave me alone Dazai.” Your whispers hurt. The pain reflected in your words hurt more than any wound he’d ever found himself inflicted with. He hated pain and suffering, and that’s what this was.

“I can’t, I won’t not anymore. I… fuck, I don’t understand it. I don’t… it’s hard to admit things like this belladonna… I fell in love. I don’t know how to deal with whatever this is!” His words came rushed and panicked. His hands found their way into his hair, tangling with the drenched locks. Thunder thudded softly in the sky as lightning crackled. 

Your hand reached your eyes as you shook your head. “Please, please stop it. Don’t call me that! You don’t mean it. Stop trying to just make yourself feel better.” You whispered the words again until he forcefully brought your head to meet his chest. He held you tightly, running his hand over your back as he rocked back and forth. 

“I’m not lying, not playing games. You’re amazing in every way possible. I still can’t understand why you'd like me.” Dazai whispered the words next to your ear. Holding you within the rain until your body stopped its trembles. What you did next shocked him more than any action that went outside his predictions did. Your lips planted themselves on his. At first, it seemed you were unsure about this. He didn’t kiss back at first, when he made his mind up, it was too late. You had pulled away ready to collect excuses. Before your lips could part with said excuses, his hands moved and cupped your face. His lips came crashing down on yours. He’d never felt this before, a spark, a real feeling in a kiss. When the two of you needed air, he moved away with a slight smile. “We should… get out of the rain before we both catch a cold.”

Blushing you tugged on the fabric of his clothes, telling him to lift you. “Yeah, we should, Kunikida would kill us both if we get sick.” You chuckled lightly, sniffling as Dazai lifted you into his arms. 

“Remind me where your place is again?” with a snicker, you told him the address and allowed yourself to drift off to sleep while he carried you. “I love you, belladonna.”

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

Extra Credit

based on this cause @avhrodite and I were texting, and she told me to write it! so this is for you miss bailey <3

also feedback is always appreciated! literally rb, comment, or an anon ask means the world to fanfic writers, now that tumblr’s algorithm is messed up.

enjoy 7.6k of professor!harry lovelies!

also the intimidating as fuck photo that inspired this, and will be used in the story!

Sexuality Studies. Room 3017.

You had stalled from walking into class with a nervous gut feeling in your stomach with a heavy textbook in your arms, too big to be put in your backpack, but it felt like your book was weighing you down. People were walking around each other to find a vacant seat as you stood there next to the door as you waited till the last minute to walk in and take your seat.

There were a few reasons why you were nervous to walk in. One, it was basically sex class. Your friend had taken the class a few semesters ago, and had told you the basics of it and the rundown. There was a lot of sex talking towards the end.

And although, you’ve had had sex before, you still felt like you were inexperienced. Your sex life was boring, and nonexistent as of a month ago when you broke it off with your, now ex, friends with benefits. He just wasn’t doing the job, like at all. He never made sure you were having a good time or getting off. And that’s just one of the reasons why you broke it off with him. Luckily, he wasn’t mad and didn’t ask questions. Just said ‘oh, okay’ and bid his goodbye. That had made you a bit sad, knowing he didn’t care whatsoever. You two had only been fucking for a month, and the excitement had left your body the first night you slept with him.

The second reason goes along well with the first, and that’s because you aren’t that comfortable. Again, you’ve sex, but you weren’t comfortable in yourself--your sexuality. You never really had time or experience to explore your body or others because you’ve only slept with two people. In that sense, you didn’t know what you liked sexually and what your partner liked, other than blowjobs, handjobs, and being able to cum while fucking you. But there was more to it; you wanted the details, the ticks, sensitive spots, everything. But you’ve slept with lousy frat boys who didn’t care enough to ask if you had finished.

You checked your phone for the time, seeing that you have about two minutes before you have to go in. You take a deep breath, walking over to the opposite side of the wall, preparing yourself to walk in. You don’t know why it was so hard for you to just walk in and sit down. The thought of having to sit through an hour and a half class that is mainly about sex isn’t that hard to deal with either, but your insecurities and anxiety is getting the better of you. With a couple of neck rolls and inhales to deep exhales, you were ready before you heard a voice next to you.

“Nervous about the first day?” You look up to find an incredibly attractive man smiling down at you. His smile had made you blush and his intent eye contact had made you nervous. The way he just looks insanely sexy, and you think his hair is better than yours. He wears a simple button down shirt with two birds next to the collar, along with black jeans and boots. And you think, he’s so good looking and dresses well too. For a student, you don’t see anyone dress or look like him at all.

“Uh, kinda? I don’t know,” you say as you are not quite sure what to answer, so you said the easiest thing that didn’t have to do with how you’re feeling right now.

“No need to be nervous. This semester will go by quickly and I heard the professor is really cool too,” the man says with a reassuring smile, and you felt a bit better because he was right. This class would be a breeze and then you wouldn’t have to retake it, unless you fail.

“Yeah, you’re right. Thank you. Uh, do you want to sit next to me?” You made the bold move to ask him, and it had shocked you. You never made the first move, but you figured that you needed more friends anyways.

“Oh, thank you, but can’t do that. Let’s go in, shall we?” He waves his hand out, leading you to go first.

You cheeks were filled with embarrassment, thinking that your bold move was a stupid move. Of course, he didn’t want to sit next to you. He barely knows you. You roll your eyes at yourself, making your way to the first row as all the seats behind the front row were taken, and you didn’t want to take the time to look around. You take a seat as your head sank lower from awkwardness you had felt, and you set your book down on the desk and heard your professor speak.

“Hello, class. Welcome to ‘Sexuality Studies.’ I’m Professor Styles. Shall we get started?” Your mouth had been open the entire time he was introducing himself. Shocked was an understatement as you didn’t realize you were talking to your professor outside of the class, but that hadn’t made your embarrassing moment less worse.

How did you not realize that? You should’ve seen it coming because you were thinking about how no student on campus dresses or looks the way he does, and you didn’t think to put the pieces together.

But, fuck.

He was sexy as a ‘student’, but as the professor, that was a different story. You had felt the weird feeling in your stomach, triggering your arousal as you watched him talk to the entirety of the class about what’s to be expected. You turned around slightly and observed the room; noticing that most of the class were girls and there were a few guys, but the female population dominated the class. All the girls had hearts in their eyes, twirling, and biting their lip as they stared at their new professor; probably hoping they would get some extra credit in the middle of the semester to raise their grade or purposefully failing their test so he can call them into his office and they can have classic office sex.

The thought had made your eyes roll. Not at the thought of office sex because everyone knows that’s hot, but the thought of purposefully doing horrible in the class to fuck the professor is beyond you.

The class had gone by rather quickly, Professor Styles only talking about the basics of what everyone is going to learn such as culture, biological, health, anatomy, art, etc.

You walked out of the class in a hurry, not looking at your new professor and anticipated the next time you’ll meet.

The month had gone by rather smoothly, only taking two classes for the semester, so your workload isn’t too bad. The occasional thought about thinking your professor was a student had haunted you, and you think about it a bit more than you would like; feeling quite embarrassed and you’d hope that he had forgotten all about it.

You were sat at the coffee shop, head in your laptop and notes that you had taken during lecture as you were starting on your paper that is due in a little over two weeks. You were so into your introduction that your fingers were typing away on their own, that you didn't feel the presence of someone beside you.

“Hi. You’re in my sexuality class, right?” A voice from your right becomes present, and you look up, seeing your incredibly attractive professor looking down at you with a smile. There was no way in getting out of this one.

“Yes. Mr. Styles, hi,” you say nervously, but trying your best to hide it with your smile.

“Thought I recognized ya. How are you?”

“I’m doing well. I’m actually working on your paper right now,” you chuckle a bit.

“Are ya? What are you writing it on?” You get a bit sidetracked, realizing that he’s still standing and all of your stuff sits on the opposite side of the table. You reach over to move it onto your lap.

“You can sit if you’d like,” you offer. Harry debates for a second, and sees that there’s no harm in sitting with your student, so he gladly takes the seat across from you. “But I’m writing it on the fine line between masculinity and femininity.”

“Ahh, yes. That’s one of my favorite topics that we discussed,” he says.

“Yeah, me too. Pretty important for this day in age.”

“I’m right there with ya,” he agrees.

For the next 20 minutes, you and Harry talk about some main points. Discussing and going over what ideas you had in mind as Harry listens while nodding his head. He notices how passionate you are with the topic of your paper, and he appreciates the passion. Students will lazily write this paper, and it really shows in their work that makes him a bit disappointed because he had thought that he made the class fun; adding a few jokes and having the student participate with the lecture.

But listening to you talk about all the ideas that you wrote down; so far from the earth as you keep talking as he listens intently to you. You’re a sweet person, he’s noticed. You don’t participate all that much in class, but he figured that’s because you’re just a tad bit shy. And he’s still amused at the fact that you thought he was a student, which flattered him. But in all honesty, he can pass as one, and it wasn’t the first time someone mistaken him for a student.

Just as you were finished talking, a hint of pink made your cheeks flushed as you realized you were talking quite a bit, and keeping him from doing whatever he was supposed to. “I’m sorry. I tend to talk a lot when I get into things.”

“Hey, no need to apologize. I’m glad you told me your ideas because I think they’re great.” He checks the time on his phone and sees that he should get going, and his coffee cup is empty already. “But I should get going. Don’t hesitate to ask me about anything for the paper. I’ll see you in class.”

“Thank you, Mr. Styles. Have a great rest of your day,” you bid him goodbye as he softly says ‘you too.’

You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. Although you had been comfortable talking to him, you have never actually had a close conversation with any of your professors, really. Especially not outside of campus. But you really did feel comfortable. You figured that it’s because Harry is in a way, younger than most professors—at least he looks young.

The rest of your time at the coffee shop was spent finishing up the second paragraph and your coffee before you head back to your apartment.

The paper was due in a week, and you felt confident about turning it in on time and doing a great job on it. But that did not stop you from going into Mr. Styles’ office during his office hours, and he did say not to hesitate to ask if you had any questions, so you were using that to your advantage to make your paper even better.

He was surprised to see you just after two days of seeing him at the coffee shop that happened the week prior; asking him how to rephrase some things and seeing where some ideas fit into the paragraphs that are already written. And Harry happily helped you. Although he thinks you don’t need help at all, seeing as you’re right on track on the topic.

But you had felt a sudden surge of confidence that has never hit you before. And you can tell yourself that you’re comfortable enough to ask him questions all you want, but in reality, you wanted to keep talking to him and most importantly, keep seeing him.

He had this sense of comfort to him that made you feel safe. You never felt the awkward tension that there is in when talking to other professors, and you were glad for it. Mr. Styles had made it a safe space for his students to talk to him. And aside from asking him about school related things, you two had gotten to know each other after the important questions were asked. The conversations were harmless, and you looked forward to them everytime.

A knock was heard on his office door and he told whoever was behind it to come in. You walked in with a smile, laptop and notebook held to your chest, walking in slowly as you closed the door behind you.

“Hi, Mr. Styles. Are you busy?”

He shakes his head, “no, no. How can I help you?” Harry had—and was still trying—to keep it professional between you two. And although nothing had happened, he can’t help but stop the flutter of his heart when you would walk in his class or his office as you gave him a small that he adored. He also noticed how concentrated you are during class; making sure to take every single note and word that he says, making him smile at the thought.

“Uh, I was kind of stuck on something that I could definitely use your help with.” 

“Sure thing. That’s what I’m here for,” he gives you a smile, and you open your notebook, showing him the many marks and scribbles that you had planted out when brainstorming.

“So I came up with this idea because I thought it would be important to talk about the history of masculinity and femininity. I didn’t want to just talk about the modern times as of now. But maybe research how it affected people back in the day when they weren’t acting as their…assigned sexuality, as you could say.”

“That sounds great. You can talk about that and during the times of the first pride march. That would definitely be interesting. But I would say not to go too into it, it’s a pretty straightforward topic, and there’s just a lot that is covered during those times. Just so you don’t get too ahead of yourself,” he gives his opinion. You listen carefully and take in his words as if you’re making a mental list of things you should and shouldn’t write about.

“Sounds good. Thank you.”

“Is that all?”

“Yeah, I think so. Just wanted to ask you that,” you say as you close your notebook, but not getting up to leave yet.

“Okay, can I ask you something this time?”

“Uh, sure,” you respond nervously.

“I see that you’re pretty much on track of the paper, like you know what you’re talking about. And you seem really confident in what you want to say, which is good. And I’m all ears when it comes to students wanting feedback, but I just have to ask….” anxiety boils through your throat. “Is coming to see me practically 2 or 3 times a week have to do with your paper?” You take a deep inhale, but don’t let your breath loose. He read you extremely well, you have to say. And it was a bold move on Harry’s part to ask that because if you say the opposite, then he assumed pretty hard.

You finally let go of the breath you were holding in and answered, “no.”

“No. It doesn’t have to do with your paper?” You shake your head in confirmation. “Then what does it have to do with?” He asks, and you think he definitely already knows what’s going on, but needs you to say the words.

“I just…wanted to see you,” you say softly.

“And why is that?” At this point, he’s teasing you already. Probably wanting to make a fool out of yourself so he could go home and laugh about it to his girlfriend or boyfriend, which you assume he has. And the bold assumption that you had thought he felt that pull towards you was enough to make you feel embarrassed for the second time in front of him.

But the remains of the confidence were still pooling in your head, and you figured you had nothing to lose.

“I wanted to see you because… I can’t deny this attraction I feel towards you. And it’s not based solely on your looks either because no can hide the fact that you’re insanely attractive, but I’ve gotten to know you for who you are this past week and we had some good talks, which was nice because no one has ever gotten to know me well enough for me to fall for them within a week.”

You finish your confession with a straight face, but there was still a hint of hope that he would tell you he felt the same way.

“And on the topic of no one getting to know me, and this is a sexuality class and you’ve recently started talking about sex; I’ve never truly had the chance to explore with partners sexually and explore my sexuality more in depth than just someone sticking their dick inside me, and calling it good sex. So, you talking to me and getting to know me means a lot because no one wants to waste their time on what I like and what I’m into.”

You had said a mouthful, and it can be heard as inappropriate to say that to your professor, but again, why would a sexuality teacher judge you based on your past sex life?

A minute had passed that immediately felt like an hour. The only thing that was heard was the ticking of the wall clock, and that made the tension even more unbearable.

You get up from out of the chair, “I’m gonna go. Thanks for the help, Mr Styles.” 

Before you reach for the door, he finally decides to speak, “Wait.” You turn around slowly and watch him get up from his chair, and walk towards you. His eyes are dark, and they don’t leave yours as he reaches you.

The proximity is close enough that you could lean forward and be pressed up against his chest, but you’re afraid that you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself if you do that.

“You’ve fallen for me?” Is the thing that he could respond with after all that you’ve said.

“Yes. I’ve developed a crush on you, well, more than a crush because I do like you,” you say as you look up at him. He looks down at you intently, lips rolled into his mouth. He smells amazing from how close you are, that it’s like a potion that keeps luring you in, wanting more.

“Do ya?”

“I think I make myself pretty clear on that,” you respond with a bit of sass.

“Don’t give me attitude,” his tone changed to dominant, and a pool in your panties made itself present.

“What are you gonna do about it, Mr Styles?” You test, and move closer to him, lips almost touching. You can possibly reach up and your lips will be in sync. A smirk comes to play on his face as if you’ve made the wrong move, but you’re so ready for what’s to come.

And for a split second, it looked like he was leaning in a tad bit to go in for a kiss, but retracts back. “I’ll see you in my next class.” With that, he pulls back and walks back to his chair.

You’re left stunned, mouth slightly open, surprised he didn’t make a move. He didn’t even tell you if he felt the same way, and if it were any other day, you would’ve felt extremely sad, but there was so much tension in the room you needed to go home and take care of yourself.

And that’s what you did.

Once you got back home, you ran a bath for yourself and sat in it as you ran over your skin, leading to where you ached the most. Many thoughts of Mr. Styles doing this to you as he sat behind you in the bath, knowing that you would make a mess on his long fingers and pretty hands. And that definitely helped you reach our orgasm as you moan out his name, and you couldn’t help but feel slightly odd about it.

You finally turned in your paper on the last day it was due, and you were extremely happy with it. You added the history of not acting like your original self, taking Mr. Styles’ advice and not going too in depth with it. This has marked as a halfway point to graduating with your bachelors, and you were ecstatic.

It had also been a week since the tension filled scene that had happened in your professor’s office, and you haven’t been back since. Seeming as you didn’t need to since there were no needed assignments, but you had thought you would visit him in his office everyday after what you had confessed.

It didn’t get easier sitting in his class as he stood up in front of everyone looking so hot as he wore a crisp blue button down with a polka dot tie, and a pink blazer over it. He knew your secret. He knew that you had the hots for him. And he knew that he didn’t say anything to reciprocate those feelings. And you tried very hard not to let it get to you.

The lecture had ted to your paper topic: masculinity and femininity. But this time, it was open for class discussion. You weren’t big on talking in class; just preferred listening to everyone’s opinions and making your own in your head, but the ignorance that someone had made you argue with him.

“I personally feel like men should stay on the masculinity side, and women on the femininity side.” You had turned around to see the guy who had said that. He was wearing a football jersey of the university, laughing with his two friends.

“And why do you think that?” Mr Styles follows up.

“It’s simple. You shouldn’t act as if you’re someone you’re not-”

“That makes a good point in your argument though,” you interrupt, turning in your seat to look at the jock at the top. “You shouldn’t act like someone you’re not, so why would you act like someone you don’t want to be?” The guy had shut up, making you smirk. “I just think that being masculine and feminine as your biological gender is a social construct. It just takes away the substance of that person when people look down on them for being true to themselves. So, why does masculinity only apply to men, and femininity only apply to women?”

Harry smirks at your discussion. It had surprised him that you spoke up in his class, but it didn’t surprise him when you spoke up about this topic. You had definitely shut down his other student, and he was proud of you for that.

The class was dismissed and as you were making your way towards the door, someone stopped you.

“Hey, really great argument back there.” It was the ignorant jock.

“Thanks.” You walked out of the class to get out of everyone’s way, stopping at the wall across from the class.

“I didn’t mean to sound so douchey back there, but what you said really got me thinking, and I see where you’re coming from.”

“I’m glad. You learn something new everyday…”

Harry was watching you the entire time you left your seat to when his student stopped you to have a chat. He had thought you were going to shut him down for being ignorant, but he saw you smile and laugh a little, making him breath deeply as he glared at you, brows furrowed, and coffee cup in his hand. Harry then sees him take out his phone, obvious that he’s asking for his number and he sees you blush as you talk.

Harry tries to control his breathing, and in another world, steam would be coming out of his ears. He walks towards the door, thinking that he was going to call you into his class, but decides against it and shuts the door.

It was already nearing the end of the semester, and you have yet to talk to him.

If it wasn’t for the fact that you had slightly gotten over his unreciprocated feelings, you would have probably dropped out of the class and waited another semester to finish. But you couldn’t let him do that to you; you were way too close to the finish line.

Mr. Styles was in his final topic of speaking about the fun part of sex, and how it could be pleasurable. He talked about the anatomy of it at first, moving onto the techniques. And the techniques he used on how to pleasure a woman and man had you hot in your seat. He demonstrated using his finger, showing the class the way to finger someone, and you couldn’t help but cross your legs. And you were sure everyone was doing so as well.

The simple demonstration of his fingers making a curling motion as if he’s fingering someone made you clench. You had been right about his fingers bringing you to pleasure, and all you wanted to do was rush home and imagine it again since you have a full visual.

“Okay, class. I have an extra credit opportunity for you.” The class perks up at that. You had a low A in the class, and although you were confident about the final, you didn’t want to risk it, so you listened.

“Since this is a sexuality class, I hoped I didn’t make anyone uncomfortable on what I just did,” the class laughed a bit, and you smiled. “For this extra credit, I want you to go to a sex store and buy a toy that can be pretty much anything. Come back and show me, and I will mark you down for points. I don’t require a paper on this, so it is fairly easy, but this is to show that you should be comfortable in your sexuality, and walking into a sex store should be easy for you because there’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever because everyone has needs and if someone judges you, then they’re not getting laid.” The class laughs again. “You can return it if you want after I mark you down or you can keep it. A win win for everyone! Okay, class dismissed.”

You walked out of class with a smile on your face as Mr Styles lightened up everyone’s mood as everyone was stressing for finals. You were glad for it; the weight on your shoulders were still heavy, but a good laugh was needed.

You had two weeks to buy and show him the extra credit, and two weeks until you graduated. The days were counting down at this point, and before you knew it, it was the final week.

You had passed both of your finals with flying colors, and you had the rest of the week to finally relax as you were graduating at the end of the week. The apartment was a mess, and you finally had time to tidy it up a bit; fix the mess of papers on your kitchen table and put your laundry away. You also used that time to finally go out and get your extra credit.

It would be a lie if you had told yourself that you were too lazy to go out and actually buy your extra credit assignment, but that was far from the truth. If you had energy to get up and clean around your home, then you could have easily gotten up and buy a sex toy.

But it was the anxious feeling that you had that you were going to see him so up close, and actually get to talk to him again that stopped you.

The crush on your professor hadn’t died done any less, but it hadn’t increased either. You were stuck in a plateau of not getting over him and not falling for him more. You figured it’s because you see him every week, so you were hoping by this time, you were on your way to getting over him.

You made your way into the sex shop with nerves as you haven’t been into one before, and it was a very relaxed set up. Various of sex toys used for both genders were set against the wall, and a red curtain that led to something in the back that, you assumed, was the more extreme items.

You scanned the toys, figuring that it would be easy to just get a vibrator. Your hands shook as you went to grab the boxed toy, and you remembered Mr Styles’ words; there’s no reason to be ashamed in buying any of these, and that relaxed you.

The employee who rang you up was the sweetest. She greeted you with a bubbly smile, and told you that you had made a great choice because she has the same one. You didn’t tell her that it was for a school thing, because that would sound really weird, and you didn’t tell her that you were planning on returning it later on.

You drove to campus, hoping that Mr Styles was in his office. The drive was a 30 minute drive as you lived a bit far from the school, but you didn’t mind the drive.

Harry heard a knock on his office door, telling them to enter. His eyes perked up as you made yourself present as you opened the door. His heart was beating in his chest as he saw you; remembering the last time you were in his office and missing the presence of you being close again.

“Hi. How are you?” He pointed to the chair, and you sat down. Your heart was pounding as well, feeling nervous about being in his office again.

“I’m doing good. How are you?”

“I’m well, thanks. What can I do for you?” He asks politely. You reach into your bag and grab the box to show him your extra credit assignment. “Ahh,” he lets out as he sees the box. “Perfect. Let me mark you down for that.”

“Thank you,” you say as you put the toy back inside your bag. “Can I ask how I did on the final? If you’ve already finished grading it.”

“Yes. You did really well, actually,” he says as he shuffles through his papers, looking for the grade book. “Ah, here. You got a 95.” That made you smile. You were quite confident for the final, but hearing that you did well brightened up your day. “And that boosted up your grade to a 94, plus the extra credit, that will go up to a 97.”

Your eyes widened; you had passed both classes with an A, and you were extremely excited about that; and it takes everything in you to not jump up and scream. “Wow, thank you.”

“No need to thank me. You deserve it. I’m proud of you,” he smiles at you, and your heart swoons, telling him a thank you. “You graduate at the end of the week right?” You nod. “Excited?”

“Very. I really only needed to take this class, but I was putting it off because my friend took this course and said it was pretty sexual, and that made me a bit uncomfortable if I’m being honest. But I really enjoyed this class…you made it bearable.” Harry blushes, thinking how happy he is that you took the class with him.

“Well, I’m happy you enjoyed it,” he says .

There was silence that washed over you two with the slightest bit of tension; debating if either one should bring up what happened the last time you were in his office. You were feeling so many things at the moment, and he was too, but you were sure it was inappropriate to talk about it when technically, nothing even happened.

“I should get going,” you say instead.

“Sure thing. I’ll see you…uh, around,” he says hesitantly. You tell him goodbye and walk out of his office, probably the last time you would ever see him.

You had finally graduated, and you couldn’t be more happy and proud for yourself. A relieved feeling ran through you when you had put on your cap and gown, and the thought made you tear up. You were done, for now, before you had to go to grad school and get your masters degree. But either way, you were ecstatic.

Now a week has gone by since graduation, and you decided to do some errands. You also needed to make your way to the sex shop and return your item.

As you entered the door you had walked through once before, your eyes immediately spotted the familiar man who had made your heart flutter by the simple act of eye contact. And if it was by instincts, Harry turns his head towards the door and sees you standing at the entrance. He hadn’t seen you since the time in his office and he saw you walk for graduation, if that counts.

There was no way of avoiding him, so you walked over to him. “Hi, Mr Styles.”

“You know you don’t have to call me that anymore. You graduated already,” he smirks, and you chuckle.

“Then what should I call you?”

Yours. “Harry.”

You tilt your head to the side, seeing how fitting his name is on him. “Okay, Harry. What are you doing here anyways?” The question had slipped out of your mouth, but you think that there’s nothing awkward with it.

“Oh, uh, just looking for a cock ring,” he says honestly. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m actually returning my extra credit purchase,” you chuckle.

“Are ya? Why don't you keep it?”

“I don’t know…I actually never used a toy before, and I got a bit intimidated by it.” Harry nods understandingly.

“See, a win win for everyone. You either get your money back or you get a nice orgasm out of it,” he laughs, and you agree with him.“I think you should keep it. This is the time you get to explore your sexuality.” You debate a bit. He was right, and you did have some spare time as of now, so you decided to keep it; see what this thing can really do.

“If you’d like…would you like to get some lunch with me?” He asks, taking you out of your thoughts.

Your eyes brighten. “Of course.”

It was like you were waiting for this moment to come. You had waited for him to ask you out and properly get to know each other outside of school. Harry had taken you to a small shop that sold burgers and fries, and you two sat in the patio of the shop; talking, eating, and laughing at stories you told each other.

“Can I ask you something?” He nods, nervously. “When I told you I liked you in your office that one time, why didn’t you say anything back?”

“To be honest, I was nervous. You’re 22 and I’m six years older than you, and although that didn’t matter much to me, you were on the edge of graduating. I couldn’t risk that, even with how much I like you. The thought of getting caught and losing your chance to graduate, and possibly your acceptance for your masters, would just be selfish on my part because I couldn’t keep it in my pants… So I waited until you graduated; didn’t even know if I was going to see you again if I’m honest.”

You understood well on why he didn’t do anything to reciprocate his feelings, and you were grateful he didn’t until now.

By the end of it, you didn’t want the day to end so you invited him to your apartment.

You two sat on your couch, which thankfully you cleaned the place before, and talked some more and put on a movie. You two were inching closer to one another until you both were cuddling. You had rested your legs on his as he runs his fingers over your ankles, scratching your skin lightly.

You were breathing heavily, wanting to just make more than just innocent touches. As if Harry read your mind, he turned his head to look at you; a striking look in his eyes as you both look at each other. The air was heavy, sexual tension coming in hot.

“Harry…”

“Yes, love?”

“Kiss me.”

Harry wastes no time in connecting his lips with yours. The softness of your lips meeting his is enough to drive him crazy. The pull you have on his hair makes him let out a moan into your mouth as you whimper into his. Chests are pulled close together, but not close enough as the hold on each other is tight; afraid one might let go.

Harry found himself in your bedroom, and it seemed like he blanked out during that time. Your kisses probably just pulled him into another world, where he debated if this was real life or if he was dreaming it. It was all real, but it was lovely to dream about.

You sat on the bed as you continued to kiss while Harry was standing above you; him leaning down and you reaching up. You were close to his hard on, and it took everything in him not to drop his pants and have you taste him, but it wasn’t going to be about him.

This is going to be about you.

You’d managed to get both of your shirts off, wanting yourself bare and to see his chest. You were surprised with the amount of tattoos that littered his skin. It was beautiful and raw, and him. You went to press a kiss to the butterfly on his stomach; the only one you can reach, and trailing down to the vines on his hips. Harry throws his head back, loving the feeling of your lips on his. You reach for his pants and before you can fully unbutton, he stops you.

“No, no. Tonight’s about you, baby,” he says as his face is close to yours and he kisses the tip of your nose. You nod slightly, feeling yourself blush; and he pushes your shoulder back so you’re fully laying down on your bed. “You want this, right?” Your head nods quickly, enough to make yourself dizzy. “Need words, love.”

“Yes. I want this so bad.” The words come out quickly, eagerly. Harry smirks at your response, and kisses down your stomach towards the hem of your pants.

He fully removes your bottoms, only leaving your panties, and Harry thinks that you’re just a sight. “God, baby, you’re so beautiful,” he says smiling. His words made you blush, shying away from him by turning your head. “Nuh uh, don’t get shy on me now, my love. It’s just me. You’re comfortable with me, right?”

“Of course,” you respond, remembering that he prefers words rather than gestures.

“I’m glad.”

He continues kissing along the hem of your panties, teasing you slightly by dragging his tongue along your skin. The feeling makes you whimper and buck your hips slightly; wanting more than his kisses.

The fast motion of your panties swiftly being removed catches you off guard as you look down and see Harry looking at your bare pussy with hungry eyes. “Look at you. Fuck.” It takes everything in him to not devour you right then and there, but he wanted this moment to last and for you to enjoy yourself. He has been waiting for this moment the first time you walked into his office, and he couldn’t wait to get a taste of you.

“Harry…” you whimper.

“Yes?”

“Please just lick me already.”

Harry kneels on the floor, kissing your inner thighs before taking one long lick up your pussy. The feeling of his tongue makes you moan out loud from the built up tension that you’ve been filled up with since the beginning of the semester.

“Fuck, so good,” he says, going in for another lick, but doesn’t stop this time. He takes your clit into his mouth, sucking on it as well as giving it kitten licks. Your hands fall to his hair as you tug, and your face falls to the side as you try and drown your moans against the mattress.

You continue moaning, but they’re muffled and Harry looks up at you. “No, none of that. Don’t hide away your moans. Wanna hear ya, baby. Let me know I’m licking you up just right--just how you like it,” he says and gets back to eating you out. You give him an ‘okay’ before wailing out in pleasure.

The thought had surprised you as you’ve never been with anyone who made sure you were feeling good and alright. And you absolutely loved it.

Harry’s fingers enter you, pumping and curling and finding your g spot. “Fuck, you’re so wet. Who got you this wet?” He teases.

“You.”

“I did?”

“Yes. You, Mr Styles.” Although you have been calling that more than you called him Harry, his name coming out of your mouth as you’re a moaning mess makes his cock even harder. He stares at you above him with dark eyes and nibbles on the skin of your inner thighs.

“You say you wanna explore? That no one has ever taken the time to make you feel good? Is that right, baby?” He says as he continues fucking you with his fingers.

“Mhm. No one has ever fucked me good enough for me to stay,” you say in an innocent and teasing tone, knowing that Harry will be the exact person that will do that for you.

“How about we have a little fun? With a certain vibrator of yours that you decided not to return? Do ya want that?”

“God, yes please.” Harry kisses your stomach, up to your chest, and then your lips before his fingers slip out and he walks over to unbox the new vibrator. It was a vibrator that you were able to put inside you as it stimulated your clit, and Harry has been dying to use one on you the second you showed it to him for extra credit. You heard the toy turn on as Harry played with the settings.

“Ready?”

“Yes, I’m ready.”

Harry sets the vibrations to the lowest setting as he starts to tease your clit with it; slowly circling around it as you moan out from the new sensation. “Does that feel good? Do you want more?”

“Please. Give me more,” you say as you palm him over his underwear, but he pushes you away. “Baby, you’re hard. Let me touch you, please,” you plead.

“This is all about you, so be a good girl and just enjoy this,” he says and you close your eyes, waiting for what’s to come. Harry sets the setting a bit higher. The setting is on a medium level, more stimulations to your clit as Harry moves the toy around. “Holy shit, that feels so good,” you throw your head back onto the bed.

“Yeah? Good thing I told you to keep it. You can use this when I’m not here to fuck you, unless I tell you not to touch yourself and have you wait until I stuff myself in your tight pussy.” The dirty talk is driving you wild along with the vibrator. “Gonna put it higher,” he says and doesn’t wait for you to answer.

“Oh my...fuck!” The setting is at its highest along with the part of the toy that is inside you; Harry moving the toy around a bit so it can thrust inside of you. You’re completely thrashing around on the sheets, and Harry has to physically spread your legs apart as you keep trying to close them.

Harry lays beside you, kissing your chest and taking your pebbled nipple into his mouth and sucking on it. Your hand naturally finds his hair and pulls on it as you bring his face to yours, and he gives you a solid kiss. You hold him against you as there were no movements of your lips with his; just the touch of your lips together as you try to control your moans.

As you two part, you scream out, “I’m gonna fucking cum!”

“C’mon, let go for me, baby. Cum for me,” Harry encourages you.

After a few more thrusts and vibrations to your clit, your orgasm washes over you and hits you hard. Your back arched, and you turned, still feeling the stimulation from the toy.

“There ya go. That’s it,” Harry says as he slowly pulls the toy out and replacing it with his hand, gently cupping over you and feeling your wetness as you come down from your high. Your moans have been controlled, and you started whimpering from how powerful your peak was. “You’re okay. Shh. You’re okay, baby.”

You buried your face into Harry’s neck, and he scratches your back, calming you down. After a moment, you lift your head up and lazily smile at Harry, causing him to giggle a bit and kiss you. The kiss didn’t last long nor was it deepened; it was a sweet and loving kiss, and a thank you to him.

“Was that okay?” He asks.

“That was fucking amazing. Never came like that before,” you tell him honestly.

“Well, I’m glad,” he kisses your lips briefly as he couldn’t get enough of them.

“So…” you trail off.

“So…” he repeats.

“Do I get my extra credit?” You ask in a playful manner, and he laughs loud making your heart flutter over the beautiful sound of his laugh.

“Oh, baby. You get more than extra credit.”

feedback here <3

MASTERLIST

[stressy-enby]

Love Letters

Tenya Iida X Writer!Reader

(This is absolutely a self insert leave me alone)

Requests are open!!

Tenya's morning routine was always the same. He was awoken by his alarm at 6:20 A.M. He went to the bathroom and washed his face. Then he'd get dresses, comb his hair, and go downstairs for breakfast. After he'd eaten, he would brush his teeth, and head to class with his peers.

This system was so ordinary, so methodical, that he almost missed the folded sheet of printer paper on the floor in front of the door.

Probably Mr. Aizawa, he'd thought, stooping to collect the note. His teacher occasionally left notes taped to the class rep's door, asking him to take attendance or start class if Aizawa knew he was going to be late. Still nothing out of the ordinary for Tenya.

When he unfolded the paper, though, he was surprised to see not a message from his teacher, but rather a very sweet note; something that Tenya was not accustomed to getting at all.

I hope it does not alarm you to hear that I adore you. Your unbridled passion for heroics, your eyes; which are oceans of kindness, and your aptitude for helping others. Every little bit of you never once ceases to amaze and enamor me. Though you are a vessel for speed, you choose to walk alongside your friends, instead of tearing off into the future. You build me up and make me feel strong, whether you realize it or not. You make me feel like I'm actually worth something. You keep my head up when I feel as though I'm drowning in a sea of my insecurities.

Perhaps one day I'll have the courage to tell you this in person. For now though, this will suffice.

The letter was not signed off, but rather ended with a red pen sketch of a heart. Tenya's eyes nearly doubled in size. He re read the note several more times to make sure he hadn't imagined the loving words. Who could've possibly written it? He wasn't aware of anyone in his class who harbored these kinds of feelings, much less for him, but he had never been particularly good at reading emotions.

Realizing he was going to be late for breakfast if he dwelled any longer on it, Tenya pocketed the love letter and headed downstairs. The mystery would have to wait until after school. His responsibilities always came first, no matter how often his mind still wandered back to the letter in his pocked, yearning to pull it out and read it yet again, just to make sure he still wasn't dreaming.

. . . 

Whoever had written the note was smart, Tenya realized. They had typed it, leaving no room for the possibility that he could recognize the handwriting. The only part that had been done by hand was that little red heart, but a doodle wasn't nearly enough to tell him who the author was.

He turned instead to analyzing the words themselves.They were well chosen, poetic even. The fifty cent words like "unbridled" and "enamored" led him to believe that the author was an experienced writer, or perhaps simply read a lot.

Yaoyorozu was a good contender, she was an eloquent speaker. Kaminari also read a lot, he was good with literature. And there was Tokoyami, who seemed to speak exclusively in poetry. Tenya jotted down his ideas, crafting a short list of his classmates.

"Oh, (L/N) writes a lot," he mused, adding their name to the list. (L/N) actually made a lot of sense.

Oh, but maybe it was just wishful thinking. Perhaps he only read the love letter in (L/N)'s voice being he wanted it to be them.

...or maybe it actually wasn't a bad idea.

(L/N) was always writing. They viewed it as a privilege, a challenge. They leapt at every creative writing assignment they got in English class, and the few stories they had shared were spectacularly inventive and elegantly crafted.

Tenya halted, scanning the message again. It suddenly seemed more and more likely that (L/N) was in fact the author.

He chewed his lip. It was too easy. Too convenient. Too perfect. How could someone he already cared for so deeply send him something like this? It was too good to be true. Besides, it was only one note. How could be possibly-

"What if they write more?" Tenya suddenly said out loud, his train of thought coming to a screeching halt. "I'd have a better line up to analyze. I could also ask Present Mic for the short stories assignments he's grading so I can pass them back. I could probably be able to look over at least a few of them and see if I recognize the writing."

A man on a mission, Tenya resigned himself to waiting until the next day to see if another note appeared, and to ask Present Mic about the stories.

Too anxious and oddly excited, he hardly got any sleep.

. . . 

Sure enough the next morning, there was a new note. Tenya all but flew out of bed and scrambled to unfold it.

I find myself caught in a storm of uncertainty all too often. I'm tossed from wave to wave in an ocean of fear. You are my rock. You hold me fast and secure in this ever-changing and frightening world. You are safe. You are my home.

You are my everything.

Tenya unconsciously read the letter in (L/N)'s voice again. He felt his heart beat harder at the thought of them penning these beautiful words.

"You don't know that it's them," he scolded himself, unwillingly placing the new note on his desk next to the old one. He tore himself away from them to retreat into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

The new message did offer one new clue already, though. It used the same ocean metaphor as the first one. It was a comparison the author seemed to favor. Maybe he could find it in their other works.

He had to get his hands on those short story assignments before he lost his damn mind.

. . . 

Tenya felt slightly uneasy about telling Present Mic he wanted the stories to pass back, even though he was technically telling the truth. He was eventually going to pass them back. When he was done looking through them.

A lie of omission is still a lie, that annoying voice in his head insisted, but he pretended he couldn't hear it, pushing it down. It wouldn't do any harm, he rationalized. And he had to know.

Tenya flipped through the papers, looking for (L/N)'s first. It was a desperate wish that they were the author of the anonymous notes, but it also seemed to make just enough sense to justify thumbing through their assignment.

There. (L/N) always went above the beyond with creative writing, and the five pages of neatly typed text was a testament to that. It was the longest assignment in the stack by two pages.

Wait.... typed?

It was probably a coincidence. After all, (L/N) hadn't been the only student who'd opted to type their story. Tenya was too convinced already that they had sent him those letters for him to entertain the idea that it was simply just a coincidence.

He skimmed the story quickly before class started. He found himself impressed, not for the first time with (L/N)'s abilities as a writer. Each word was carefully selected to craft perfect sentences and immaculate paragraphs full of feeling and vibrant imagery.

He stopped suddenly a page in as the protagonist compared their anguish to a stormy sea, heavy waves tossing them to and fro.

There it is again.

The sentiments from the letters, which Tenya had all but seared into his brain, echoed that of what he was reading now. The vocabulary, the imagery, the deep feelings evoked by each sentence, and even the fact that it was typed.

It had to be them. It had to be (Y/N). It was just too perfect.

. . . 

(Y/N) sat a few seats ahead and to the right of Tenya, so he spent quite a bit of class time staring unabashedly at the back of their head. They were scribbling madly on a sheet of lined paper. Lecture notes? Short story?.... Love letter?

People often say that opposites attract. Tenya was just realizing how true that was as he sat in class, half listening to the lesson, half watching (Y/N). He was all angles and sternness, whereas they were flexible and soft. Perhaps it didn't always show physically on their features, but in their mannerisms, and even in their writing, they were stunning curves, twists and turns. With them, you didn't always know where you were going, but it was an adventure all the same. They were a warm, comforting feeling. They felt like home.

An idea bloomed in Tenya's mind, a delectably wonderful way for him to show (Y/N) that he reciprocated their feelings. Having a difficult time smothering his smile, Tenya fished through his school bag for a sheet of lined paper.

. . .

You frowned thoughtfully at your paper, lips pursed. You tapped your pencil against your dorm room desk as you considered your next words.

This was the hardest, part, but still the most fun. The first draft. You could change whatever wording or dialogue you wanted while you were typing it up, nut you still needed a good base. You still had to carefully choose every word that you wanted to use to move your audience.

Tenya Iida

You grinned giddily just thinking of him. He had given almost no indication these past two days that he'd gotten your letters, but you could tell. His eyes had darted around, scrutinizing everyone they landed on. It had felt a bit like being dissected when his gaze had fallen upon you.

There's no way he knows, you had reasoned, giving him a tight smile in return. He's just trying to sus me out. For all he knows, it could be literally anyone.

You had ridden that wave of shaky confidence in your anonymity, all the way to that moment, where you turned around in your desk chair, intending to grab your phone, only for your eyes to fall upon a folded up piece of paper next to your door.

You felt an anxious lurch in your gut as you shakily picked it up. "If this is Iida telling me to never speak to him again I'm going to cry."

You unfolded the message, fully expected the worst, and praying to whatever god was or wasn't out there that you were wrong and that Iida wasn't completely creeped out and now hated you.

You remind me of the ocean waves you write about so often. You're a crescendo of carefully chosen words, actions, and kind thoughts. You're soft yet strong, never backing down from a fight or a friend in need. Your determination and drive impress me to no ends, and make me want to impress you as well.

You've cast a spell on me for quite some time now, but your hold over me was only strengthened by the heartfelt messages you sent me. I'm beyond happy that you share my feelings.

The letter wasn't signed, but it was written in what was distinctly Iida's penmanship. He had ended his message the same way you had ended yours; with a hand-drawn heart.

"Oh my god," you whispered, paper crinkling as your grip tightened around it. You read it again. Then again. And then again. "Damnit, he's right. I do use the stormy sea metaphor a lot."

Note still clenched in your hand, you sped-walked to Iida's dorm room, heart thundering in your chest. The thought that Iida; sensible, respectful Iida would have feelings for a disaster like you was a little discombobulating to say the least, so you were determined to hear it straight from the horses mouth.

You rapped on his door, foot tapping impatiently. The few seconds it took for Iida to answer dragged on for what felt like an eternity. When he finally did open the door, a pleasantly surprised look crossed his face upon seeing you.

You held up his note. "Hi. Um, so."

Iida chuckled, cheeks reddening. He gestured you in as he stepped back to his desk, where he produced the letters you had sent. "So."

"Y-you're not messing with me, right?" you asked nervously. "'Cause if you are I'm going to kick you."

"Trust me, everything I wrote is 100% true." He smiled earnestly. "And you...?

"I think those letters are the most honest I've ever been about my feelings ever." you admitted, shifting your weight from foot to foot. A wry smile played on the edges of your lips. "I was drafting you another one, but you just had to go and find me out and ruin it."

"You can still give it to me," Iida said hopefully, palming the back of his neck with his hand, flustered.

You laughed a little, your own cheeks warming up. You twisted the hem of your shirt. "Uh, can I hug you?"

"O-of course!"

You wrapped your arms around Iida's torso, resting your head on his chest, listening to the drumming of his heart. He slowly followed suit, snaking his arms around your shoulders. He let out a contented sigh, relaxing into your touch. He was so warm. He was a cozy fire in the dark of winter, a blissful reprise from a cold and harsh world.

You pursed your lips, stifling a snicker. I've gotta write that down.

[fairymascot]

when i started watching harley quinn TV, about the last thing i expected of it was to be feminist in any way. i mean, it's an adult comedy cartoon. it's based on 2016 suicide squad's take on harley. the poor woman doesn't even wear any pants. but man, the more i think about it, and the more i consume other dc content featuring those characters, the more appreciative i am of its takes on its female cast.

let's talk about ivy. i watched the btas episode 'house and garden' today, and was honestly appalled by how blatantly male it all felt. in this episode, ivy 'rehabitilates' herself by getting released from arkham, marrying her therapist (which nobody even pointed out is illegal?!), taking care of his two kids from a previous marriage, and basically living the perfect suburban housewife dream. when batman suspects she's up to some shit, she tells him she's never been happier, and no longer has any need for crime. of course it turns out to be an elaborate ruse, but the ending reveals that she wasn't completely insincere -- she does, in fact, dream of having a husband and children, something she cannot accomplish due to the infertility caused by her powers.

unfortunately, this episode must have had a serious impact on ivy's characterization, as the book 'cycle of life and death' from 2016 is heavily founded on it. in my humble opinion, it's terrible. i mean, i get it, it was the nineties and written by men, and tv writers only really started picking up on how to write women as complex multilayered beings in recent years, but damn.

ivy's original character is already rooted in a very male, distorted perception of women. she's a textbook femme fatale-- she's dainty, gorgeous, scantily clad, and her powers are seducing men into doing her bidding. and to pile further on top of her misogynistic foundation, the only way they could think to humanize her is by forcing more of their stereotypical male perception onto her-- how do we show she's a sympathetic character? by making her deep down a 'normal woman', who has normal woman dreams of being a housewife with children. the rather blatant subtext that she turned to a life of villainy because her infertility denied her that dream -- a failed woman that has turned into a despicable monster -- only makes this depiction all the uglier. i'm actually amazed this take on her character managed to survive all the way to 2016.

but then you have hqtv ivy, who takes all that and unceremoniously dumps it in the trash. it rethinks the basics of ivy's personality and attitude from the ground up. she's a misanthrope -- the only company she seeks outside of her plants is harley -- why would she make a villain career out of seducing men? why does she have to be sensual and coy? no. instead, she's awkward, stoic, and anti social. she dresses a whole hell of a lot more practical, she's blunt to a fault, and wastes none of her time trying to appeal to men.

the sexual element of her powers has been removed, or at the very least severely limited-- no more poison kisses or seducing men to do her bidding. the only scene that incorporates that element at all is when she has to peck a bunch of dweeby 12 year old boys on the mouth to reverse the effect of her toxin that's been slipped into their bar mitzvah punch bowl by mistake. it's ridiculous, it's absolutely mortifying for her, and it's funny. nothing about it is remotely sexy.

as for her dreams of becoming a housewife... well, ivy very clearly doesn't know what she wants for her future. or rather, she's so repressed that she doesn't allow herself to want. she always saw herself ecoterroristing it up solo-- but then harley happened, and she found herself going soft, and opening up to other people through harley's influence as well. she allows herself to acknowledge that she's lonely, and that she does crave human connection. specifically, she craves harley -- but that's a part of her she had to seal away, out of fear of ruining their friendship. this leads her to pursue a relationship with kite man (or rather: be pursued by him), even though at every step of the way she pretty obviously has to force herself farther into it.

it's not that she doesn't like kite man. the opposite. she can tell he's a good guy, he treats her so well, he cares for her so deeply. for someone like ivy, coming from a life of abuse and isolation, that's rarer than rare. and that's why she forces herself to overlook all their differences, all the aspects of their relationship that clearly aren't working, and clings on to it regardless. finally, someone genuinely wants her, cares about her. she'd have to be stupid to let that go, right?

but she doesn't want it. that's spelled out the most blatantly on their wedding day-- while he's reciting his dream future of them living in a nice house with a white picket fence, a dog and three kids, ivy is horrified. unlike btas' ivy, who would've surely been delighted, it's completely removed from anything this version of ivy ever wanted for herself. and in that moment, she realizes she fucked up. she locked herself into a life she never wanted because she thought it was the best she could hope to get.

and then their wedding goes up in literal flames, kite man calls it quits, and ivy finally lets herself pursue what she really, truly wants: harley.

it's such a great, fresh take on ivy's character. she's written as a woman, but not some male writer's narrow view of one, but an actual honest, human woman. her struggles and insecurities are incredibly relatable to me as a female viewer, because she's allowed to breathe and grow and have depth outside of the list of stereotypes female characters are so often shoehorned into. she's aloof, she's cynical, she's a loner; she's carrying years of trauma that's made her insecure and closed off, and she's just starting to grow past that; she's desperate for love but forces herself to settle for tepid affection because she's too scared to pursue anything more; she's a genius biochemist and a badass with the power to control all of plant life, but she's fucking chickenshit and wishy-washy and doesn't know how to be honest with her feelings, leading her to hurt those she cares about. and the fact that they took btas' ivy's dream of getting married and having a family, and used it as a stepping stone-- subverted it as part of ivy's self-realization and growth-- that's just the icing on the cake.

hqtv ivy is hands down the best take of this character i've seen to date. god bless, i cannot wait for season 3.