#i know it’s been 3 years but i’m still depressed over it

[eddiediazismyhusband]

Hi! I just wanted to say that I like your attitude and resilience (I'm a weak man, and every toxic anti-buddie/anti-buddie-shippers/pro bucktommy idea just hits me straight in the heart).

I don't understand how people can suddenly start hating Buddie because of "crazy fans", but still be smitten by bucktommy despite of how crazy some of their fans are.

And I really hate that they have this ammunition (their ship still going, Eddie happening to be hetero) to bully us with (haven't Buddie shippers been through enough of hate these past six years? And who knows how much more of it we'll have to yet to go through...)

Ah, sorry for the rant😅

The long ass message anon from lenaboskow's asks xD

🏝️

awwwww, thank you anon 😭 <3

if i’m being honest, the public resilience comes from years of being bullied and ridiculed, so at this point hate (especially anonymous hate) just rolls off my back bc atp it’s just par for the course with these people.

i definitely understand the toxicity hitting you right in the feels though. i have mentioned before but i have really bad anxiety and depression, and there are times when if i haven’t taken my meds i will start to spiral over the smallest things (just ask @lenaboskow who has been present for a lot of this unmedicated spiraling)… so i definitely understand that some of the toxicity and hate can be hard. especially when the writers continued to give them ammunition after seeing what what was happening on twitter during the premiere period of season 7.

I’ve been a buddie shipper since s2. I have put up with seeing ridicule and disrespect from the fandom for shipping buddie for years (granted i only started getting actively involved in the fandom very recently, i still kept up with cast interviews, articles, etc. and could see plenty of it there) so i understand it can be hard seeing so many people that once were hardcore buddie shippers suddenly turning into violently hateful stan accounts for this new ship is jarring and disappointing… i have seen so many of my favorite fic writers turn into anti-buddie-eddie-bashing enthusiasts seemingly overnight and it’s hard to see.

that being said, i still have not lost hope. abc and tptb see what is happening— they see screeners being harassed for talking about buddie, they see buddie shippers getting doxxed and getting death threats, they see lou stirring the pot (though thankfully it seems something has been done about that)

these creators know that stoking this kind of fandom behavior is not okay- they know that it’s a bad idea to reward toxicity and hate. they have also been the ones actively laying the groundwork for buddie for six years. a lot of the writers actually care about buck AND eddie, rather than just buck (regardless of whatever is going on in kristen reidel’s cesspool of a creative mind), and we know that queer eddie has been discussed at length before to the point where the queer storyline of s7 was almost eddie’s. these writers see what we see, the actors see what we see, tim minear sees what we see.

i don’t know what they have in store for next season, but regardless of whether or not we get buddie canon, i am very optimistic that the pilot won’t be around much longer, especially after the drama and toxicity he has stirred up within the fandom, bc the last thing a network tv show wants is bad press, and that situation has the potential to boil over into something much worse if they didn’t put a stop to it immediately.

anyway, anon, never apologize for sending a long ask, i love to yap and i love being an outlet for people to vent if they need to <3 i believe in you, that you will be able to withstand this blip in the fandom; as someone who’s had to go through similar situations in other fandoms it will not matter a year from now once everyone has moved on. unfortunately we are caught upnin the novelty of it, but once it either peters out or becomes a sort of “new normal” (which i hope it is the former and not the latter) it will be so much easier to bear with.

i hope you have a lovely morning, afternoon, or evening, sweet anon 💕💕

[theshotsheardacrossworlds]

Desire

Gale discovers his wild lady having an intimate moment which then turns into them having A Moment. NSFW.

This fic is very personal to me as someone who is plus size irl and has been working through my own body image issues the past couple of years. It's okay to love yourself even when society doesn't. <3

As depressing as our current surroundings are, it is nice to finally be able to have a bloody bath. I feel cleaner than I have in weeks! Gale thought as he walked back to his tent (every three nights we switch) after having a long-needed bath at the Last Light Inn.

What he expected to see was his lover relaxing or perhaps having one of Bex’s cookies. Those smell amazing.

What he actually saw was Lily sitting on her bedroll topless, a large breast in each hand.

Is it my nameday and no one told me?

Her eyes were closed, tail slowly going back and forth behind her.

Fucking hells, I’m standing here with the flaps open!!!! CLOSE THEM NOW, YOU FOOL! As he hastily closed the flaps, he heard her gasp and shift on the bedroll. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. “I’m so sorry, darling—”

“Oh gods!”

“Please forgive me, I didn’t know you were…erm, indisposed.” Occupied also works, Dekarios. She was occupied with fondling her breasts, and you ruined it!

Lily stared at him, completely and utterly horrified. Her long, muscular yet incredibly soft arms were covering her breasts. She looks like she wants to run and never see me again. Fix this, man! Fix this! “I…I…I’m so sorry…I…” She stammered, her demonic purple eyes darting from him to the tent flaps. “I…I should…go…”

Turning off his glamour, he moved to sit next to her slowly. “Darling, I will ask next time if you’re decent when I return, and I’m so very sorry that I’ve made you upset.” Making eye contact with her, an arm gently wrapped around her waist with his other hand rubbing the ridges on her upper arm. “What can I do to make it right? Ask for anything, and you shall have it.”

After a minute or two, she said softly, “I shouldn’t have been doing that.”

What? What does she mean by that? She surely can’t mean…no. She can’t. “My love, forgive me, but what exactly shouldn’t you have been doing?”

She squeezed her eyes shut. “Touching my tits.”

I must have heard that wrong. That…can’t be what she just said.

“Lily sweetness, please bear with me, but you think you shouldn’t be touching your luscious breasts?”

Nodding meekly, her eyes were still closed.

Whoever told her that…has made her believe that…will be fireball’d. Not sure that’s an actual verb, but I’m so fucking pissed that it will be damnit. “Why?!” He blurted out, causing her to open her eyes and glance at him.

His beloved looked defeated. “Gale, look at me.”

For fuck’s sake. “I am looking, Lily.” he said, desperately trying to maintain his composure. “I see the woman I love who is beautiful inside and out. More beautiful than any other.”

She shook her head, eyes closed again as tears leaked out. My love, please. Please, don’t cry. Please. I can’t bear it. “I shouldn’t like to touch my thighs either.”

For the second time in as many minutes, Gale was struck dumb.

This must be the strangest dream or alchemy-related hallucination I’ve ever had. She cannot have said that she shouldn’t like to touch the thighs that I wish would crush my skull every night…right?!

“I beg your pardon, but I still don’t understand why you shouldn’t. I…I am so very confused.” He chuckled, hoping to add at least some levity. A little humor never hurts, as Mother says.

“Whispers. Comments. ‘Friendly’ advice. Proof that I’m not wanted or desired as I am, and I shouldn’t like…I shouldn’t!” Choking back a sob, she shook her head. “I shouldn’t like how I look.”

For a third time this evening, Gale was stunned. “I…I-I think you absolutely should like how you look, my sweet, because you are,” now it is not the time for humor. Romance her, man! “Lovelier than the most perfect sunset in Waterdeep. Which I hope, gods willing, we can see after our little adventure is over.” If it is her wish, then I will marry her the second we are free from the tadpoles. He pressed a kiss to her freckled, flushed cheek. “Oh my love, it isn’t shameful to desire oneself.”

“Gale, you called yourself a fat, middle-aged—”

Alright, she has me there. BUT!!! “Did I also not say that I’m a handsome devil?” he teased. “I lack confidence in some areas of my appearance, but I do take considerable pride in others. For example,” he let go of her waist and lifted his paunch with both his hands. “Lacking in confidence about this at the moment, but…” his hands then drifted to his face. “As perfectly groomed as I’ll be on the road, and still looking marvelous. A very handsome devil.” That’s it, Dekarios. Give her romance and charm and everything she deserves.

To his relief, she chuckled softly, a faint smile remaining on her face. “One might even say the most handsome devil.” The smile, much to Gale’s disappointment, quickly went away as she frowned. “I…” She took a deep breath. “I like this.” Good gods woman, you can’t just go touching those delicious tits like that. “But I also like this.” Don’t moan. Don’t moan. Don’t moan. Don’t moan. BUT SHE’S CARESSING HER THIGHS! “And…umm…this.”

Oh.

Oh goodness me.

She just keeps naming parts of her body I adore!

Her clawed fingers hovered over her belly. “But I shouldn’t—”

In a decidedly ungentlemanly move, he said, “Sod it” then kissed her passionately. He felt his increasingly hard manhood twitching in his pants when he heard her squeak. My goddess of passion---she who rules my heart with a flaming sword. My sweet, pretty flower squeaks like an adorable mouse when I surprise her with kisses and touches. I must marry her. I must.

Lily’s hands went up to his face as she pulled away. “Gale!” She was breathless and blushing, making me only love her more.

His lips danced over hers. “Let us both promise that we will take pleasure in not just each other but in ourselves.”

She looked unconvinced. “I suppose I’m wondering that means…practically.”

Kissing her for the briefest of moments, his eyes found hers. “It means that you may touch yourself however you wish in front of me without any fear or shame.” He swallowed nervously and grinned. “And that goes for me while I’m in your presence. I mean, not all the time. Obviously! I just mean, say if you were in our bedroom and I happened to come in to see you doing something like touching those pillowy, perfect breasts in your beautiful hands, I would be quite…pleased.”

She blinked. Once. Twice. A third time. “O-okay. Yeah, I…I think I understand what you’re saying.” The blush grew darker. “You won’t judge me. In fact, I think I say you even like it.” She bit her lip, clearly weighing her next words carefully. “Am I correct?”

“You couldn’t be more correct if you tried, sweetness. To see you take pleasure in the body that arouses me like nothing else would be most welcome.” His hands traveled down her bare back and sides and very much took a lot of pleasure in how perfect she felt. “Tell me, darling---what do you do when you touch yourself? I wish to study, so I may please you too…” He pressed several kisses on her plump lips as his fingers brushed over ridges and stretchmarks. “Or perhaps, if you’re feeling too embarrassed to speak the words, then show me.”

When Gale said “show me” he assumed Lily would touch herself and he would watch like a gentleman and scholar.

What she actually did was use their tadpoles to send him a fantasy.

Gale did not recognize the room they were in but assumed it was her bedroom at home in Baldur’s Gate. It is as she described to me---large windows, pale blue walls, and a dog bed for Horace in the corner. It’s her. It’s so her. He was straddling her, his chest against hers, and he had a perfect breast in his mouth while the other perfect breast was overflowing through his fingers. She reached behind him to take a chocolate truffle and fed it to him.

Goodness gracious!

It’s not over yet…

Oh. Sorry, darling. Please go on.

The fantasy continued with him also reaching for a truffle that he fed to her, and then they shared a kiss as she rolled her hips and moaned his name.

Then it was gone, and Gale was left panting and flushed. “Dearest, that was so beautiful. Why would you ever, ever think that’s embarrassing or shameful?” He cupped one of her cheeks in his hand and leaned his head against hers. “On its own it’s wonderful and so very sweet, but I love it because it’s so very you, my love. My wild lady,” He pressed several kisses to her lips. “My goddess of passion, object of my deepest affection, my…mine…”

Her eyes met his.

“I’m yours.”

Her tone, Gale noted immediately, was sweet but teasing.

“I’m all yours.”

What is she…

Her lips touched his, and she grinned.

“And just what are you going to do about it, magic man?”

Something snapped inside the wizard.

With a low growl, his lips collided into hers and his hands landed on her shoulders, pushing her down. Well, “pushing” is one word. She’s built like a brick outhouse, so it’s more of a “gentle nudge.” “Mine…my Lily…my pretty flower—”

Lily began to giggle as she laid down on the bedroll. “I’m not a bloody flower! I’m not delicate or pretty—OH!”

Gale had magicked off their clothes into two neat piles, leaving them both bare. Within moments, he was on top of her and kissing her neck and collarbones. “You are my pretty flower. Mine.” His hands were seemingly all over her, not able to keep himself from touching every ridge, every freckle, and every inch of softness. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. “Lily darling, I need you.”

She reached and undid the tie on his hair, running her clawed fingers through it lovingly. “Have me then. I’m all yours.” She let out a breathless chuckle. “For as long as you’ll have me.”

“Forever.”

Forever.

I will have you forever.

At my side.

In my bed.

On my cock.

Lining himself at her entrance, he gasped when the fat head of his cock slipped inside. “My gods, is all this for me?”

Lily cupped his face as she released the shortest and sweetest little pants as she always does. “Always. You’re the only one who drives me wild, love—ah! Oh Gale please more…”

He began to thrust and admired the way her tits and belly are quaking. Fucking hells. Gods save me. I must marry her as soon as this is all over. “Your magic man will give you everything you want and more, my dear. Everything you could ever desire it will be yours.” He ran his lips and beard (which she loves, by the way) over the ridges on her chest and breasts, making her writhe more. And growl. Fucking hells. She’s going to be the death of me. “Tell me what you want, darling. Tell me.”

Rolling her hips below him, she panted, “You. Just you. Only you.” Ah, that’s her tail circling my waist. “Fill me. Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.”

Despite feeling incredibly turned on, he wanted to maintain a slower pace at least for the moment. I want this to last. I need this to last. “As you wish, my wild lady. My pretty flower. My sun, moon, and stars. My heart and soul. My everything.” He panted, unable to resist his need for her, thrusting faster.

My love. My darling Lily. Am I yours?

Yes! Of course! All mine. I love you so much.

I love you…my dearest lady…Come for me, my love…

She did so with a gasp and cupped the back of his head with a hand.

Tell me…I’m yours…

“You’re mine, love…” Lily whispered, her breathing evening out slowly.

Gale felt his hips stutter and came inside her never not inside her or else she will not be a happy barbarian. Attempting to keep most of his weight on his forehands, he failed miserably when his lover’s embrace pulled him to her completely. “Lily—”

“No, I want to feel you. Please Gale.” She said softly, her tail never leaving his waist. “I like me, but I love how you look, love. I love it.” He could hear the smile in her voice. “You’re so sexy, but more than that, you feel amazing and so cuddly. I never want to let you go.”

He exhaled slowly and absolutely, definitely felt tears in his eyes. “I’ve never been told that. So, um…” He lifted his head and smiled ruefully. “Thank you. It is more appreciated than you will ever know, my love.” Gale rolled off her and muttered spells to clean them both. Now on his back, he motioned for her to curl up against him. Which she did. Because apparently it’s one of her favorite things to do.

One of Lily’s hands rested on his hairy, soft belly. The tips of her claws teasing the thick hair. “I like this, you know.”

Wait a second. I must have misheard her. Yes! That must be it!

“Darling?”

Her tail began to thrash, and she could feel the heat rising in her cheeks. “You said you’re not confident about this,” she gently caressed him. “But I wanted you to know that I like it.”

Oh gods, I do not want to cry again tonight.

“Why?!” He blurted out and silently cursed himself for not being more eloquent. She happens to love my loquaciousness!

To his surprise, she laughed. “I don’t fucking know! I just think it’s cute and sexy like you.” I’m cute and sexy?! “My cute and sexy wizard.” Her tail then wrapped itself around a leg. “Bet no one’s ever called you that, huh?”

With a groan, he shook his head. “No, and frankly, there are very few wizards who would be proud of being called someone’s ‘cute and sexy wizard.’ However,” he chuckled and pressed a kiss to her red hair. “You happen to be in a relationship with one who takes not only great pride in being called that but also in being that for you.” Anything for you. Everything for you. How could I give you less than that when you’ve given me so much already?

She lifted her head to catch his gaze, raising an eyebrow. “Be you then. You’re all I want.” Resting her head against his shoulder once more, she smiled. “When we get to the city, I want us to have a night where we can be alone together. Maybe…my house? I’ll make sure Nadia isn’t home, of course but then again, she’s usually out until two or three in the morning anyways.” She’s so cute when she rambles. “Anyways, yeah so we could have a date night at home, and I could cook for us, if that’s something you’d be interested in. We also have a roof deck! It’s so pretty at sunset and when the stars come out. It’d be so romantic.” Lily felt herself blushing. “I can finally show off for you.”

Am I the luckiest man in all the realms? Why yes, I think I am!

“I would love that, sweetness. Truly, I would. But please don’t feel as if you must show off for me. You are perfect as you are—”

She snorted and rubbed his belly. Goodness me, she really does like it. “Gale love, I’m naked.”

He laughed heartily. “Exactly! Perfect. Stunning. Beautiful.”

“Wearing approximately no clothes.”

“In fact, one might even argue that you look your best bare in my equally naked embrace.” Gale teased, tracing the ridges on her upper arm.

“Gale, you are so naughty!” she giggled into his chest. “I love you.”

Suddenly feeling more tired by the second, he kissed her head, murmuring, “I love you, sweetness. I think I may…close my eyes…”

Go to sleep, love. I’m right behind you honestly.

I shall dream of you, my love. Always of you.

Naked or…?

Any way my subconscious dictates. I certainly wouldn’t object to you being naked in my dreams. What dreams they would be, darling!

Gale, oh my gods GO TO SLEEP.

Yes. Of course, my love. Sweet dreams.

You too, my cute and sexy magic man.

[badolmen]

So funny how trauma will just kick you in the fucking teeth with the most random triggers.

[yougavemeyourheartyouknow]

Alludes to Miguel bring depressed, usage of alcohol.

Thinking about heartbroken baby daddy!Miguel O’Hara who spent the next week rotting in bed whenever he could, curtains drawn shut and sad music playing from his phone as he scrolled through all your old photos together. Feeling exactly how he did when you two had split 9 years ago.

Heartbroken baby daddy!Miguel who started to reply the last 12 years over and over in his head, from the moment he sat next to you during his first stats lecture to the moment he found himself in front of your front door in an attempt to ask for a second chance only to find out it’s too late form the smirk on your new boyfriend’s face. To the point of him getting distracted during everyday activities, like over serving his coffee and sitting at a greenlight until someone honked at him.

Heartbroken baby daddy!Miguel who starts to have trouble keeping up with his physical appearance. The same man who could get the asscrack of dawn to go on a run or to the gym, always clean shaved, hair always slicked back, never in his pjs unless need be, started to walk around with a 5 o'clock shadow, starts to drop off or pick his daughter up in his sweatpants and tank top he sleeps in, eyes more sunken in they they usually are.

Heartbroken baby daddy!Miguel who has a silent breakdown everytime you post something while out on a date with your new boyfriend.having to grip his phone so hard to the point his knuckles turn white to stop himself from bursting into tears while Gabriella is eating dinner in the next room.

Heartbroken baby daddy!Miguel who had a few too many drinks while Gabri was at a sleepover, calling up first his younger brother then his best friend. Rambling about how he should have seen the signs sooner, how he should have never let you go in the first place, because now you were in the arms of another man, and considering that it’s been over 3 months it looks like he’s there to stay.

Heartbroken baby daddy!Miguel who thought he was hallucinating from drinking too much when you showed up at his place at 11:30 at night

—

“I-I just, if… if I knew that I still loved-“ he interrupted himself to hiccup before continuing to speak to Peter over his phone, placing down another empty beer bottle on his living room coffee table. “I still loved her, I wouldn’t have let-let her get a new boyfriend in the first place ya know?” He slurred, hearing Peter’s response but none of the words registering. His mind calmed from the temporary haze the alcohol provided.

Knock knock.

Miguel rolled his eyes with a groan as he slowly got up from his seat on the couch. “I thought I told you I didn’t need you to come over Peter.” Miguel said as he grabbed the empty bottles and quickly placed them in the kitchen, his friend on the phone expressing his confusion as Miguel made his way to the front door with his phone between his shoulder and ear.

“Huh? I’m not at your door-“ The rest of the sentence turned into background static, not noticing Peter’s calls for him and asking if he was listening. Miguel was too busy being in shock. He blinked once, twice.

You were still there.

Bloodshot eyes, runny nose, rosey and tear stained cheeks, your shoulders shaking a bit as you hugged yourself. He didn’t even get a chance to ask what was wrong before you spoke.

“Can I come in?” You croaked, throat tense as you attempted to keep your voice from wavering.

He opened the door wider.

—

Part 4<

Part 5.5<

Not proofread.

Word count: 600

Taglist: @ginnysculture @mishaglass @wusyanamee @mangoslushcrush @queerponcho @bunnibitez @miguelzslvtz @migueloharastruelove @dahehow @sinners-98-world @othersideoftheparadise @toyfortoji @yeshajane @yvesbi @strawberryjuice9 @hanjisgf @deljojeisbackagain @safixiovi @emmalandry @maxinemus3 @lauraolar14 @aaaaslaaaan @kenz-ee @esmedelacroix @whattheshock @lauraolar14 @migueloharasoulmate @famouscattale @loser-alert @maomaimao @syler-griffin @comeonatmebruh @xwonderlandresidentx @m4dyy @mcmiracles @the-pan-liquid @lilbrababe99 @jxstanemo @badbitchhour @freehentai @sillysillygoofygoose @nj452896 @jadeloverxd @faretheeoscar @miguelsfavwife @ce3stvu @scorpihoooe @blossomofbismuths

[finelinevogue]

friends before fans

summary - you were harry’s girlfriend and now you’re just friends, but the fans still dislike you

word count: -1.5k

pairing: ex-boyfriend!harry x reader

a/n: some mentions of therapy, rehab and mental health issues. idk wtf this is but let me know if you enjoy!!!!

Being Harry Styles ex-girlfriend was hard.

Dating Harry was easy, but the aftermath of breaking up with him was devastating.

It was scary how quickly fans could turn on you. Harry has such a huge following, but you never thought you’d go through what you’ve gone through.

Times had been so tough over the past few years, after the breakup, to the point where you weren’t scared at the thought of dying.

Just because you’d broken up with Harry though, never meant that you’d fallen out of love.

The newspaper headlines were the first to attack you.

Harry is so famous that the headline made the front page. Especially when you and Harry had been crowned as the most loved celebrity couple out there.

They didn’t know the truth though.

You were called toxic. Crazy. Manipulative and psychotic.

You would just call yourself depressed.

The year 2021 had not been a good year mentally for you and it constantly felt like you were dragging Harry down with you.

“Babe, it’s time to go meet our friends.” Harry said from the other room.

You were still laying in bed, unbothered to move because you just didn’t have the mental energy.

“Babe?” Harry called after no response from you.

“Y/N? We need to go now.”

“I can’t.” You said softly, no energy to speak louder.

You could hear Harry sigh loudly. Loud enough for you to know you’d upset him, but quiet enough to know he wasn’t going to argue with you.

He just quietly left instead, leaving you in bed with nothing but dark thoughts.

You could see how miserable you were making him, because of how miserable you were yourself. It only took one conversation to change everything.

“I think I need some space.” You told Harry, just quietly on the sofa next to him.

“Space?” Harry questioned.

“I n-need… I-I…. I want to go to therapy, H. I am scared I might do something stupid a-and I feel so sad all the time.” You started to sob.

“Baby… I.. I never never knew you felt this way.” Harry brought you over to him and sat you comfortably on his lap. He was crying too, ashamed he had not seen the signs of you feeling this bad.

“For a while now. I-I’m so sorry.”

“No apologies, baby. None at all. I love you so much and I will always love you so much. Let’s just get you loving yourself first, yeah?”

Harry had helped you find a rehabilitation centre for mental recovery and you were there for at least six months.

He was constantly there for you throughout the rehab process. He never once skipped the chance to visit you on visiting days. He paid for the entire process, even though you had been strongly against that.

Harry constantly reminded you how much you are loved, especially by him.

It took a while, but you finally got to a place where you could love yourself and life again.

When you left rehab, you realised just how bad things were in the social media world.

The moment your relationship was publicly announced as over, you were turned into a villain.

You had stopped the relationship with Harry, solely because you couldn’t give him everything he deserved.

No matter, Harry waited for you. Still is.

You weren’t a celebrity. Instead, you were a good home friend of Harry’s. Your fame came from being attached to Harry.

Now your fame was for the wrong reasons.

You never cared about fame anyways, but the constant hate and abuse is tough.

Harry is still always there for you, though.

There was an endless stream of hate on Twitter towards you.

Even still 3 years on.

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A simple post on Instagram and everyone on social media would attack you. For being there. For existing.

Everything changed a while ago now.

Harry had texted you a couple of weeks back, out of the blue.

Your hands were slightly sweaty as you walked through backstage to find the friends and family room.

Harry had secured you special tickets for all four Wembley dates, but you could only hope yourself to attend this last one.

You hadn’t seen Harry for months, still just friends.

Or exes. Depending from which angle you’re looking at it from.

You came today because you wanted to show your support for Harry, especially after the last few years you’ve put him through.

Holding the flowers in your none shaking hand, you entered the friends and family room.

It had been very long since you’d seen everyone. You found it difficult to see Harry’s family without Harry.

Luckily, Harry was in the room.

Dressed in comfortable clothes, he was a few hours before getting ready for night 4 at Wembley.

You stood to the back of the room, out of the way, since you didn’t feel secure enough to meet anyone. You often felt like, even though Harry always vouched for you, that his family still disliked you for putting their Harry through so much heartbreak.

What no one seemed to understand, though, was that Harry would endure that heartbreak all over again if it meant you could get help and become stronger again.

When Harry’s aunty turned around she spotted you. Either she didn’t realise it was you or was just looking into the distance, but because you thought she was glaring at you it made you feel super insecure.

Twitter was already trending your name because fans had spotted you outside the venue. Everyone was begging you to stay away from Harry.

Now his aunty looked like she meant the same thing.

You left the flowers on the table, that came with a card so he’d know who they’re off, and exited the room.

As you walked down the corridor, a security guard and must be fan stopped you.

“Are you Y/N L/N?” She asked.

“Yeah?”

“Wow. You have some unbelievable nerve being here.” Her words took you aback.

“I’m sorry?”

“Yeah too fucking right.” She scoffed and walked wherever she was meant to be.

You stood in the corridor and thought over what she’d just said to you. There has been no need to be so aggressive. She didn’t know anything about you or your situation. She can’t hurt you when she doesn’t understand the truth.

You were trying to repeat everything your therapist had taught you, but it was difficult with so many thoughts running through your mind.

Temporarily squeezing your eyes, you tried to press the negative thoughts away.

“Breathe.”

Your eyes shot open to see Harry in front of you.

It was amazing how Harry always seemed to meet you at the right place and at the right time whenever you needed him. It was never that you needed anybody. You needed him.

“It’s okay. I’m here.” Harry said, bringing a hand up to cup your cheek and softly stroke your cheek.

“You’re here.” You repeated to yourself.

“You’re alright, Y/N. We’re okay.”

Harry leaned into you and pressed a kiss to your forehead softly. You smiled at the familiar feeling.

“Hi.” You smiled shyly.

“Hello, you.”

“I arrived a little bit ago, but I got overwhelmed in that room.” You explained yourself.

“It’s okay. Mum saw you and said you looked sheepish. Came here as soon as she said. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“Just don’t know whether I’m supposed to be here. People know i’m here and it’s… they’re not happy. I don’t want to cause any drama and—”

“Y/N, love, you’re not. They are causing the drama. I want you here. I’m okay with you being here. I am happy you’re here. That’s all that matters.”

Harry moved to hug you and you squeeze him back just as hard. His hugs always make you feel safe. He smells as warm and comforting as he feels.

“Please don’t leave.” He whispered against your face.

“I’m not. Just need you with me for a bit.”

“I’m more than okay with that.”

During the show, Harry made a speech about you.

He was fed up with the negative press and the hate you get. It was time to say something.

“My ex-girlfriend is here tonight! She’s my favourite person. I hope you love her as much as I do. All m’songs are written about her too. I thought we’d try an oldie for tonight, so I can dedicate to my person. I hope you’ll all join in with me and sing out if you know the words. This is Sunflower.”

[twinfools]

I’m 3 years post phalloplasty and I realized I’ve never really made a post about how things are going. Phalloplasty is a hard surgery to talk about because, bottom line, it’s not part of common conversation to talk about yo dick. That being said I think it’s really important for me to talk about this procedure to help break stigma and misinformation— both inside and outside of trans and non-binary communities.

I had ALT phalloplasty, glansplasty, scrotoplasty, no urethral lengthening (UL) with vaginectomy. This means that tissue from my thigh was used to create my penis, my urethra was not extended or moved (so I don’t stand to pee) and my vagina was closed. I feel like this detail is important because this is one of many variations for this procedure and what I opted for/out of were decisions made according to trade-offs between personal benefit and risk.

I opted out of UL because I do not tolerate catheters well and, due to my very active lifestyle, was not willing to risk longer term catheterization or bladder spasms which would impede my quality of life. This risk, for me, outweighed the benefit of standing to pee.

I opted for ALT knowing that I would likely need debulking (which I didn’t end up needing but opted for anyway out of preference). Debulking is a procedure to make the penis less girthy as ALT phalloplasty is more girthy because of the nature of tissue on the thigh. I chose ALT because, first and foremost, I did not want scarring on my forearm. My ALT scar is covered by clothing most of the time which I appreciate. I also chose ALT because I have skinny forearms, which wasn’t ideal for forearm phalloplasty (RFF).

Vaginectomy, for me, was a no brainer. I have never used or connected with that part of my body so I wanted it gone.

Glansplasty is a procedure to make the glans (head) of the penis and was a short procedure done after my initial stage of surgery. I may get it redone but I’m still undecided on that. Scrotoplasty creates a scrotum, I was ambivalent about this procedure but have grown to more appreciate it over time.

I am considering further surgeries: erectile implant (which creates the ability for the penis to “get hard”) and testicular implants (fills to scrotum with testicle implants). But I’m undecided and want a break from surgery while I finish my degree and focus on work. I’m also considering phalloplasty tattooing to help enhance the contour and coloring to make it appear more like a cis penis.

Whew! Lots of info, right? These are big procedures completed over multiple stages and are very unlike chest surgery, hysterectomy and other surgeries I had completed prior. When I was first considering this surgery I didn’t know there was flexibility in terms of tissue donor site and UL. I waited to have this surgery and am so happy I did because the information I gained from research and consulting with professionals and folks with lived experience was so valuable.

Was surgery hard? Yes. This surgery was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I’ve never been so uncomfortable for the first 2 weeks after recovering. I had to re-learn how to walk. I couldn’t sleep. Peeing hurt… but would I do it again? Yes. It was worth it for me but I can’t underscore enough that that doesn’t mean I didn’t have moments where I felt regret while recovering because post op depression is a thing and I was in pain while adjusting to a new body part that was also a healing surgical site… LOTS going on there!

3 years on I feel really at home in my body. Just having a penis is such a comfort to me in ways I didn’t anticipate. I’ve had a feeling my entire life that I was missing a body part and this was it. The quiet gender euphoria of just sitting and feeling my body and for once feeling complete in that is something that’s hard to articulate.

I’m thankfully back to full mobility and got back to full mobility about 3 months post op. I was grateful for this since a long term recovery wasn’t what I wanted. There are still weird twitches, pains and feelings, especially around my donor site (thigh) from time to time but nothing that inhibits me. Just interesting when it happens (usually when weather gets colder?).

What is one thing I would want to go back and tell myself before surgery? Well:

Your penis will feel HEAVY. Like it will fall off. It won’t fall off and your body will adjust to the weight in an area you didn’t have it before. Until then it will feel like you need to hold it at all times.

Hopefully this helps someone as an overview of what an experience with this procedure may look like. Again, my goal is to put information out there and have frank conversations— because it’s these same things that greatly benefitted me in my surgery journey.

Finally— my inbox is open for anyone that has questions. I am in a privileged position to feel safe talking about these things and I feel comfortable doing so. Not everyone does, so please don’t assume that this invitation applies to other folks who have accessed surgery unless they say so.

Thank you for reading :)

[ponderingmoonlight]

Hi! I just love your levi fics so much!

For a request I was hoping for something like this -

Levi & reader had grown up together along with Isabel and farlan, when the group gets sent off onto their fateful mission levi thinks reader died alongside with Isabel and farlan. (Angst)

Only to discover years later that reader was alive and actually doing very well for themselves, well known and a strong fighter. Just a very cute reunion fic maybe? Maybe romance 👀 thanks! <3

🦅- Anon

this was an emotional rollercoaster I'm still crying babe but here you go, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do <3

Levi thinking he lost his sun forever only to find you again after years

Pairing: Levi x fem! reader

Word Count: 3,3k

Synopsis: It's been 1869 days since you were killed by the abnormal titan Isabel and Farlan lost their lives to as well, 1869 days of missing you and regretting that Levi didn't tell you about his true feelings when you were still alive. Little does he know you aren't so easy to get rid of and that you are still out there...

Warnings: death, blood, war scene, depression, full on hurt to comfort, super duper fluff in the end, as usual not proofread because I need to go to bed now hehe

Notes: Finally my first Levi fic after literally MONTHS! I know a lot of you were patiently waiting for more attack on titan content and I'm beyond sorry it took me so long babes. Please let me know how you feel about Attack on Titan content so that I might do more and especially regular fics in the future <3

He can’t take his eyes off you. To be exact, the sunlight suits your facial features so well that it seems impossible to ever let go of your sight.

You have been friends since he met you on that day exactly 6 years ago, when you tried to steal a load of food for a heavy pregnant woman. Since then, he was captivated by your beauty, your brain, your skills. But somehow, this makes the stinging fact that you sit beside him even worse.

“You shouldn’t be here, (y/n)”, he speaks out before he’s able to stop himself.

Immediately, your gaze drifts away from the dreamy scenery to him, eyes widen in surprise.

“What are you talking about, Levi?”

Don’t say his name while looking at him like that, not with that gentle tone in your angelic voice. He told himself over and over that you are nothing but a close friend, maybe considered family like Isabel and Farlan.

He huffs to himself. What a filthy little lie.

“This mission is dangerous. I don’t want you to get-“

“Hurt? Killed? You told me about all those things more than once and I’m happy to repeat myself again for you: I will not leave you, Farlan’s and Isabel’s side. After all, we are friends, right? And friends don’t leave each other behind.”

You gift him with your usual breath-taking smile while his heart skips a beat.

A friend.

He has to remind himself over and over again, force his orbs away from you. You are nothing but friends. And he will never risk to lose you over the potential of something more.

-the evening before the mission-

“I thought I’d find you here”, your teasing voice shouts from behind.

You are probably the last thing he wants to see this evening. Not because he doesn’t enjoy your company, but because he wasn’t able to convince you to stay in safety. Erwin Smith made it very clear that this mission is dangerous, that multiple survey corps member already died behind those walls. And even though you, Farlan and Isabel showed your skills countless times before, he can’t stop his train of thought. You, getting grabbed by a titan. You, getting ripped apart, your blood scattering onto the ground. He won’t have the chance to stay by your side during all times. One wrong movement, one thoughtless decision and you’d be gone.

“I don’t even have to ask in order to know what you’re thinking about right now, Levi.”

The second your hand brushes over his shoulder, he is too lost in the feeling of your bare hand against his shirt to worry any further.

“You don’t have to worry about Farlan, Isabel and me. After all, you’re the one who taught us everything we know.”

“Tsk. You were already doing fine when I met you.”

“But you were the one who showed me there is still hope, something worth fighting for. If it wasn’t for you, I would have died down there without ever seeing the sun once in my life”, you reply.

All of the sudden you place your hand on top of his and squeeze in gently. That look on your face, is it…Affection? He shakes his head firmly, doesn’t allow himself to get lost in that oh so sweet idea. A woman like you will never fall for a cold-hearted man like him, not when the whole squad fell head over heels for you the second they got to know you better. You are a true sweetheart, everyone’s favorite, a ray of sunshine. He, on the other hand, is none of that.

“Stop praising me or else I’ll puke and make a mess onto the freshly cleaned floor.”

No, he doesn’t deserve your kind word, doesn’t even deserve that spark in your eyes. You are better off without him, even as a friend.

“You’ll gonna clean it up anyway”, you bite back with a wide grin.

“Actually, there is something else I want to talk with you about, Levi.”

The sudden change in your voice paired with the warmth of your hand leaving his lets his gaze wander to yours again – only to catch you already staring.

“What is it?”, he questions instantly.

“If you have to decide between Isabel, Farlan and me…Just promise that you’ll safe them before even thinking about my ass. Please look after them and don’t worry about me.”

His eyes widen just the tiniest bit, reveal his surprise and…his resist. Not thinking about you, leaving you behind? The urge to shake you becomes almost unbearable when he grabs your arms passionately, gaze locking with yours.

“There is no way in hell I will ever leave you behind, dumbass. Don’t you dare to die on me, got it?”

“Promise”, you urge.

“Promise you’ll look out for them first.”

“(y/n)…”

He has to close his eyes in order to stop staring at your perfect lips. This might be the last time he ever sees you alive so unbothered by his side, the last time he witnesses the way the dim moonlight lights up your hair.

This…might be your last night alive.

“Please, I can’t live with the thought of being without them. They are still so young.”

“What about you, though? What if I don’t want to live a life without you? What if I die myself?”

You smile at him sadly, your hand caressing his cheek oh so gently.

“We all know you won’t die out there, Levi. It’s us who might not be here with you tomorrow. After all, that’s why you wanted to stop us from coming with you, right?”

He swallows hard. Every single one of you is a skilled fighter. Hell, you even survived the underground with countless enemies chasing after you. But this? This is something completely different. For the first time since getting to know all of you, Levi isn’t so sure about your abilities anymore.

“I promise”, he replies with low voice.

“Thank you”, you breathe out.

“Now, let’s get some sleep, shall we? We have a big fight ahead of us.”

Oh, there is no doubt in the fact that Levi won’t close his eyes this whole cursed night, pondering about a way to safe all of you. But even though you are very aware of that, you turn on your heel and smile at him one last time.

The brightest smile of them all, making your face gleam in nothing but affection.

“Oh, and Levi?”

“What is it, dumbass?”

“When I was talking about the sun earlier…That sun was you.”

And then you’re gone in the dark, leaving him with his heart almost beating out of his chest and feelings clustered all over the place.

Him, your sun?

-the battle-

Your eyes widen in sheer horror, the violent scream escaping your lips not reaching your ringing ears. Those powerful orbs…There is no doubt in the fact that this is her, that this is Isabel. Tears stream down your face uncontrollably, mix with the bitter coat of rain that sticks to your face uncomfortably.

Your friend is dead. And you were not able to protect her.

“You.”

The monster standing in front of you doesn’t look like the other titans you’ve seen before. Eyes red like crimson, lips curved into an evil grin. This thing is absolutely aware of the agony it causes you and enjoys every tear you cry.

You grab your blades even tighter, narrow eyes fixating its nape.

“I will make you suffer”, you press out through gritted teeth.

“I will make you regret that you even touched her!”

You dash forward only to get greeted by thin air. Fuck, this thing is so fast you didn’t even realize it was gone until your blade crashed into the muddy ground. Why do your hands suddenly start shaking, your knees felling weak? It’s just you and that thing. The other corps members around you? Scuttered onto the floor in bloody pieces.

Levi?

You escape its clutches by a hair’s breadth, the monster’s stinging smell of death and rotten flesh making your guts turn. You need to focus, need to control your fear and anger. Otherwise, you’ll die just like all the others did.

Levi…Is he dead as well? There is no one around, no one showed a single reaction to your multiple cries for help, your signs. Maybe you’re the only one who’s left. Which means that Farlan and Levi are gone.

Levi, gone? Fuck, you should have told him about your true feelings yesterday, you should have pressed your lips against his like you always dreamed about. This was the last opportunity to tell him how much you love him before both of you die.

And now it will be forever too late.

Just when you’re about to dash forward, the arm of the titan yanks towards you with breath-taking speed. Your eyes widen in sheer horror as all you can do is stare in sheer disbelief.

Is this how you will die? Through the hand of an abnormal titan, eating you alive?

You always dreamed of a life on the surface with Levi by your side. Maybe a small cottage on the edge of a busy city close to a river. Having a little farm with a few animals here and there, Levi working for a local business while you stay home and care for your home. For a brief moment, you allow your eyes to rest, to get lost in the life you will never have.

If only you had told him sooner. Maybe then it would have been different. Maybe then you wouldn’t feel your bones crack against the sheer force of the titan’s flat palm, throwing you into the air like a ball.

As soon as your body hits the ground, everything goes black.

-5 years later-

He opens his eyes against the way too harsh sunlight. Another night he hasn’t slept more than 2 hours. Day 1869 of missing you.

“Good morning, Captain Levi!”

He doesn’t even care to reply, feet carrying him down the hallway monotone. His days have always been the same since the day he lost Isabel, Farlan and you: Getting haunted in his sleep, waking up alone, surviving another day in this living hell. It’s almost ironic, how he already hated the world when you were in it. Little did he know how much worse it would get when you’re gone.

There is no day since back then that doesn’t revolve around you. You, with your hair down in the sun. You, beating up some tuff guys and showing them their place. You, that fucking cursed night before you had to leave.

Until this day, he hates himself for not being there. By the time he arrived, everyone was dead, brutally murdered by an abnormal titan. And even after searching for your corpse for hours in the pouring rain, he didn’t even manage to find a single limb left of you. This should be a good sign. After all, it might mean that you somehow managed to survive.

“The chances of (y/n) surviving and managing to flee on her own are 1 against 500.000”, Erwin said back then.

Maybe it would have actually felt better, knowing that you’re dead. Maybe this would spare him from getting haunted by your giggling and fucking gorgeous face each and every night.

But…If getting haunted by your presence is all he has left, he shouldn’t complain about it.

“We are heading out today. It is said that there are countless abnormal titans roaming around a city nearby”, Erwin explains briefly.

“How the fuck did these things even manage to get in there?”, Levi grumbles in response while taking a sip of his way too hot tea.

“That’s not what I care about. What I’m more interested in is the fact that a group of villagers managed to trap one of them.”

Levi can’t help but put his cup of tea down while Hange bursts out in sheer excitement next to him. A group of villagers, trapping an abnormal titan?

“Former corps members?”, he questions.

“Apparently not. Maybe they are interested in a new job”, Erwin replies, getting up from his seat and straightening his uniform.

“We are leaving right now.”

“Right now? Over some brats who were lucky to not get eaten by that titan?”

“You can’t deny that these ‘brats’ have to be skilled in order to trap an abnormal titan, Levi.  Also, I heard the head of them is a woman.”

Levi huffs to himself. Skilled, huh? Lucky is definitely the better fit.

You sink your blade straight into the eye of the disgusting creature lying in front of you, watch in sheer satisfaction how it squeals underneath.

“Hope you enjoy that as much as I do”, you mumble, twisting and turning your sword painfully slow.

“(y/n), d-don’t you think that’s enough? What if it escapes?”, the man next to you cries out, holding safe distance between himself and the abnormal.

“So what? Listen, you little shit. If you even try to escape, I will kill you without even blinking, got it?”

You rip your blade out. In, out, in, out until everything around you is covered in crimson.

Just like back then.

You stumble back when a wave of nausea hits you. The sight of Isabel’s lifeless head, her limbs scattered across the muddy floor. Back then, you weren’t able to save her, weren’t even able to save yourself. If it wasn’t for your crew, you’d be dead by now. Just like her…

“Hey.”

“How about you take a break for a sec? You’re drifting off again.”

Her gently voice pulls you out of your nightmare just like her tender touch. Petra has been the greatest support since that fateful day. In fact, the only reason you are still alive is her. When she found you, you were already on the brink of death. Only due to her passionate and long-term care, you learned how to walk again, learned how to fight again.

“Sorry”, you mumble, allowing yourself to rest for a moment against her strong shoulder.

“(y/n), I’m sorry to interrupt you like this but…We spotted members of the survey corps?”

“The survey corps?”, you repeat in sheer disbelief.

Rage starts flooding your veins in an instant, forcing you to pick up your blade again. If there’s one thing you will never forgive the survey corps for, it’s the fact that they left you standing in the rain. The countless people who died with the wings of faith embroidered onto their jackets, eaten alive by a titan while your desperate cries for help remained unanswered until this day. For Erwin Smith, you were nothing but canon fodder, nothing but a bait. And you will forever hate him over the fact that he is partly responsible for the death of Isabel, Farlan and Levi.

You storm in the direction your scout sighted them, jumping from tree to tree in order to catch them by surprise. You will definitely not tolerate survey corps members around your area, especially when you just caught an abnormal titan to study and torture.

“There they are.”

Their disgusting green cloaks fill you with thick anger, almost force you onto the ground to knock every single one of them out. But you know all too well this isn’t the way to go. No, you will wait here until the right time comes to throw yourself at their captain.

There are five of them, walking towards the direction of your village. Just wait a few more seconds until the one who walks ahead is underneath you, one second and you…

You lunge yourself at the person with full speed, forcing them to the ground. Him, to be exact. That firm chest exposes all too urgently that you just attacked a man.

“Are you out of your goddamn mind, brat?”, he barks at you, rough hands grabbing your wrists so tightly that your bones threaten to shatter.

You aren’t able to defend yourself, though.

That voice, the way he called you brat.

Is it really possible that…

You allow your eyes to look up at him and for a moment, time seems to stand still.

“Levi.”

You breathe his name out like a prayer, as if your dream might become reality. These grey and unbothered eyes look just like you remember his, the dark hair framing his face oh so perfectly.

“Levi, is that you?”

He can’t comprehend his feelings. Just a second ago, he was under attack of a stranger. But your eyes aren’t foreign. They hold the spark he dreams of each and every night, the memory he cares about so deeply. Is it really possible, that…

“(y/n).”

Everyone was so sure that you died on the battlefield, that the titan must have eaten you alive without leaving any remains. But maybe there was nothing to remain. Maybe you actually did manage to survive. Is it possible? Is this really you?

“I thought you died.”

Your voice is nothing but a fade away whisper, tears streaming down your usual so composed face like rivers when your memories begin to crash down on you like a house of cards. All those years, you were convinced Levi lost his life on this battlefield as well, that you were the only one remaining. But now you’re sitting on top of him, taking in his clean scent while he glares at you the way he used to.

“Everyone tried to convince me that that fucking abnormal ate you back then, that there is no chance you survived. Now look at you, dumbass”, he breathes out, very own eyes now coated in a thin layer of glimmering tears.

There is no time to waste. With a swift motion, you lunge yourself at him again, wrap your arms around his strong torso as if your life depends on it while resting your head against his chest and crying your heart out.

Words will always fail to express how much you missed him, that you thought about him each and every night since the day he was taken away from you so roughly. But now, you will never let him go again. Now you won’t waste another opportunity to tell him how you really feel.

“I love you, Levi. I loved you since our days in the underground city, I loved you through all these horrible years of grief. I love you. I love you”, you finally blurt out.

“I love you too, (y/n). I always did.”

Gently, he rests his hand against your nape while lifting your chin up with the other.

The second your lips meet, your world feels complete for the first time. All the pain, the grief, the things you had to endure. The countless nights of imagining him right by your side, the thought of never seeing him again. And now he’s here, right in your arms while kissing you so passionately that you fail to breathe.

“I love you”, he repeats so softly that your heart melts away like butter.

“I love you…”

“I finally found my sun again”, you smile against his lips.

You snuggle yourself onto him even tighter, your grip around his torso firm. Oh, you will definitely never let this man go again. Not after it took both of you so many years to meet again, not when he’s all you ever wanted.

Levi Ackerman, the love of your life.  

“Who’s that woman throwing herself at you from a tree and then getting a smooch from you?”

“Shut up, shitty four-eyes”, Levi barks at the person standing behind him.

Tags:

@hellkaiserinphoenix  @chilichopsticks @ynackerman9499 @keepghostly @beatrexworld

@froufrousnowman @hidazinie @tomiokathedepresso  @chaoticwinnercupcake @lees-chaotic-brain (hope you noticed I actually named reader's bestie after you babe) @polarbvnny @kentocalls @kayleegomez

First divider by wonderful @cafekitsune - check out the banner I used here!

Second one as usual from the best @saradika-graphics - I worship the ground you walk on honey

[dazed--xx]

SKZ Break up reaction II (Maknae Line)

Part 1

A/N: I’ve honestly been massively depressed so putting this out has been a little helpful to get these angsty feelings out. I hope you guys enjoy and Hyunjin, Jisung, and Jeongin are going to have a part 3. Please like comment and reblog. Requests are open and I also do commissions.

Jisung:

“Is there a reason you’re here again?” You state stoically to Jisung’s back, as he knocked on your door once again. You notice the surprise on his features as he whips around to face you. Your heart shatters at the tear stricken sobbing boy. “Ba—Y/N, I-I’m sorry I’m so sorry please just talk to me please let’s just figure things out” he pleaded as he makes his way over to you. You scoff as you cross your arms over your chest “what’s there to talk about Jisung? You cheated on me there’s not much else to say besides that” you roll your eyes as he drops to his knees wrapping his arms around your waist “it’s been almost a year! I’ve learned my lesson! I’m sorry you can’t understand how sorry I am I fucked up I know I fucked up so bad but if you give me another chance I can be better I only want you I’ve only wanted you all this time, please just talk to me! I won’t ask you to let me explain there’s no good explanation for why I did what I did and I’m fucking disgusted with myself but I love you I only love you and I want to be with you only you” his tears leak through the thin material of your shirt.

Your heart breaks at his pleads, as much as you missed him you knew you’d always question if he was truly where he said he was and if he was with another woman. You weren’t sure what you should do, you missed him so much you practically cried yourself to sleep at his absence every night. The idea of getting back together with him made you feel terrified. What if he cheated again? What if he realized that he wasted his time and this wasn’t what he wanted? Your hands shook unconditionally as the familiar feeling of not being able to breathe grows in your throat. You stared at him, you could tell he was being serious but still you knew the lack of trust you’d have for him would be toxic it would make things unhealthy and you refused to do that to the both of you so with a heavy heart you removed Jisung’s arms from around you and make your way to your porch. “I can’t do this right now Jisung..” you state behind unshed tears. You could hear him getting to his feet and rushing behind you “you can’t talk to me?!” He exclaims. You shake your head in response anger growing in your stomach at his nerve to be upset with you. “NO! I can’t Jisung! I’m sorry but fucking no! Every time I look at you I’m reminded of the fact that we’re no longer together because of what you did! because you couldn’t keep it in your fucking pants! I loved you! I gave you everything and you fucking destroyed it! You ruined everything! I thought I was going to marry you! You fucking destroyed everything! I hate that I still love you, I hate that you fucked up so fucking bad, I hate that you have the fucking gall to come here and destroy me all over again you need to leave! And don’t try to contact me again!” You exclaim as you unlock your door and slam it harshly behind you. You press your back against the door and slowly let the sobs consume you.

Felix:

You sat on your couch staring at the dark tv screen across from you as Felix’s leg shook rapidly in the arm chair. You weren’t sure if it was his close proximity or you being once again confronted with the fact that this was all a bet to Felix but you were feeling exceptionally nauseous. You feel his warm hand grasp your own. You pull your hand away as if his touch had burned you “Don’t touch me!” You snap. You hated your neighbor for being home and begging you to just let Felix in so he’d just shut up. Your eyes never once leaving from the screen infront of you. You don’t see the pain flashing across his features at your reluctance to allow his touch. “I-I’m sorry….” He begins as tears well in his eyes “I-I know I’m an asshole b-but please baby can you please look at me at least?” His voice quakes as his hands once again hold yours as he places himself next to you. You bite the inside of your cheek and turn your head away from him. “Fuck! Please! Don’t do this to me! I’m sorry okay?! I’m so sorry please don’t break up with me! You mean everything to me a-and…” your head whips toward him at the sound of his voice cracking “it was a stupid idiotic bet that I called off I swear! Please stay with me, you’re so amazing and I don’t want to let this go” he confesses.

You stare at the man you’ve come to know, you notice the tears streaming down his angelic freckled face. His heart shaped pout quivering, his grasp on you tightening as you begin to gently pull your hands away. “Felix…please just go” your voice practically inaudible “you can stop pretending..” you state sadly, as your eyes connect with his. His head shakes rapidly “N-no! This is real for me, baby please believe me I love you okay? I love you! I don’t want to break up! I want to be with you please listen okay? Please believe me, you know me!” He cries, “do I though?” You questioned in disbelief. “Yes! You know me you know who I am as a person you know this stupid bet isn’t like me come on please believe I called it off!” He pleaded. Though you could see the sincerity in his eyes you still wondered “When?” You notice the confusion etched on his features “right after our first date! I-I can show you!” He states in a panic as he pulls his phone out quickly typing the pin in and clicking on a chat before scrolling for what seemed like hours. “You don’t need to..” you try to stop him “yes I do! I need you to see please j-just let me find it” he begs as tears build in his eyes once more, his fingers scroll in a panic. You could tell how desperate he was for you to believe him, to know what he felt. Yet, you still couldn’t understand “why’d you even make such a disgusting bet in the first place?” You couldn’t contain the venom in your tone. “Because I’m fucking stupid I don’t know okay but when I realized how fucked up it was I called it off! I wanted to go out with you I didn’t have the balls any other way honestly! I’m sorry I’m so fucking sorry—HERE!!” He stated as he shoved his phone in your hands your eyes drift over the screen. You can see the multiple messages that were sent on the course of your first date, gross encouragements and denials of his ability to complete his part of the deal by his friends. You felt like throwing up until you saw the only response from him

Felix: I can’t do it i really fucking like her and I can’t do that to her I’ll pay you guys what I owe but I’m done with this. I feel fucking gross, I kissed her fuck I finally kissed her and I feel gross because of this I can’t do it she’s fucking amazing guys this is so wrong I can’t breathe I want to be with her like really be with her please don’t mention this please I can’t ruin things already please it’s done im done with it don’t talk about it okay?

You feel tears streaming down your face as you stare at him. You notice the longing and pain in his orbs, your bottom lip finds its way between your teeth. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry but please know that this is real for me that you truly do mean fucking everything to me” he states softly as his thumb brushes your tears away. His hand caresses your cheek as he slowly leans forward his lips brushing against your own before he hesitantly presses them against yours. The kiss is slow and unwavering as you press yourself against him. Your fingers finding their way into his hair, you can feel his hands on your waist as he gently shoved your back against the couch cushion. Your lips move in sync as he places himself between your legs. You feel your heart fluttering and pounding against your chest. A small whimper is released from your throat as Felix pulls his lips away from yours and begins trailing a line of kisses to your throat. “Tell me you’re mine baby” his voice is husky and full of lust. You press your lips against his once more “all yours”

Seungmin:

You sat on your couch scrolling on your phone as you ignored the movie you had put on previously. A small chuckle is released from your lips as you scroll through TikTok. A message popping up in your notifications, your heart quivers as you read Seungmins name. ‘Can we talk?’ A scoff is released from your chest. What was there to talk about? He didn’t feel the same way, you didn’t need him to explain anything you understood where he stood and you accepted it. But, that did not mean you were ready to be friends or accept that your relationship had failed before it had gotten a chance to truly blossom. You didn’t know what to do, it had been over three months since you had ended whatever you had with him and yet you still got messages and calls daily almost 3x as much as you did when you were ‘together’. Whilst you still never read let alone responded to these messages you still found yourself stagnant in the moving on process. You missed his presence, you weren’t sure what you should do; as much as you wanted to be with him. You did not like the nature of your relationship and the fact that he obviously wasn’t attracted to you in anyway. You’re pulled out of your thoughts by a series of rapid knocks, your eyebrows scrunch together in confusion as you make your way to the door pulling it open forcefully. Your eyes growing wide as you see a pacing Seungmin on your porch.

“Seung—wait before you say anything!” He interjects as he shoves his way into your small dorm.“I know I ruined things between us, a-and I-I…i really like you and I know what you believe but you have to know that. I’m so mad at you, how could you?! How could you break my heart like that!?” His voice is unsure, you noticed his disheveled appearance, you watch as he continues his pacing “I know I’m an idiot b-but I told you everyday that I liked you that I saw us hanging out as dates a-and you just break up with me out of nowhere?! I want you I want to be with you and you’ve ignored me for the past three months. Fuck Y/N how could you not respond to me? Did you move on that quickly? You couldn’t have right?”you notice the tears welling up in his eyes as his pacing stopped, his hands wrapping themselves around your arms as he stared into your eyes “I-I thought you loved me too I-I thought we had something and you just break up with me?! Was there someone else? Was I not enough? You said you didn’t think I was attracted to you a-and I am!” You stood frozen in place as his rant continued, not knowing what to say at his sudden appearance and confession. “I’m so attracted to you and I need you to believe that I want to be with you! You asked me what we did that was couple stuff and you know what you were right! I didn’t treat you like my girlfriend and for that I’m sorry but this time I’m not going to make the same mistakes. You’re mine! I’m making it very clear right now! You’re my girlfriend! We’re not breaking up! And you’re a terrible girlfriend for not answering me for months! I’m not letting you go before I get to fully have you! And I know you’re not property but your heart belongs to me and it’s staying with me…” he trails as he desperately pressed your lips together, your eyes widen as you stand frozen in shock. You feel yourself relax as you return the kiss, his tongue brushes against your bottom lip begging for entrance as his arms wrap firmly around your waist. Your arms finding themselves wrapped around his neck. You whine as he pulls away, your lips chasing his as he chuckles “be mine again baby?” A blush creeps upon your cheeks at the use of the pet name as you nod hiding your face in his neck.

Jeongin:

*ping*

*ping*

*ping*

Your phone continuously called. You sat on your bed staring at the object for what felt like eternity. The large red X and do not answer confirm your suspicions. You couldn’t understand why he decided to contact you this morning. He didn’t bother last night when you had broken up with him, he didn’t come looking for you nor did he attempt to call you or text in anyway last night. Letting your curiosity get to you, you grab your phone and quickly open his messages.

From: ❌do not answer ❌

Tell me this is a joke

Tell me we didn’t break up

Fuck tell me your still mine and you love me tell me I didn’t lose you last night and that nayeon is lying.

You sit in shock at his messages you notice the three dots appearing on your screen.

From: ❌do not answer❌

Please??

Please answer I’m sorry whatever I did I’m sorry I love you

I love you

I don’t want to break up I don’t want to be without you I’m stupid I’m so fucking stupid but I need to be with you I need to fix things please respond, please?

I don’t know what to do I know you’re reading this please tell me what I did, please I need to know how badly I fucked this up I don’t want to fuck this up I want to be with you please tell me how I can fix it I hated waking up without your messages. I hated that I had no missed calls from you. I love you so fucking much I can’t do this.

A call comes through from him, you weren’t sure what to do. He was such an asshole last night and for so long before that, this came out of nowhere. You watch as the call goes unanswered.

From: ❌do not answer❌

Please please please

I’m sorry

Im sorry

I don’t know what else to say I’m so fucking sorry

I’ll treat you better, I can be better for you I’m sorry please don’t leave me

Please? The last thing I wanted yesterday was to break up, it was our anniversary and I’m so fucking sorry I forgot. I’m so sorry I was an ass I’m so fucking sorry that you felt like this is what you needed to do but it’s not. It’s really not. I understand now I do I get it I don’t want to have to deal with this pain that I caused to both of us I want to fix it I want to fix things and be with you be better to you I’ll do anything

Another call comes through your phone, you bite your bottom lip to hold yourself off from answering

From: ❌do not answer❌

Answer my calls I’m sorry

Please I just need to hear your voice, I can’t calm down I’m literally fucking crying right now I can’t breath without you

I was so fucking drunk I’m sorry baby please I don’t want to be broken up I don’t want to be away from you I love you

I love you please remember that

You leave his messages on read as you silently cry to yourself. You couldn’t understand why was he acting like it came out of nowhere? He hadn’t been the nicest boyfriend for a long time and now he’s acting like he does truly want to be with you. How could he love you when he was so cruel? You didn’t want to break up either but you couldn’t be with someone that could treat you like that and talk to you like you were beneath them. As much as it hurt, you click on his contact scroll to the bottom and block his number.

[restinslices]

Everything pt2

PJO Show Ares X Child!Reader (no gender specified)

Word count: 6168 (I realized a bit late that majority is me setting up the scene. If you just wanna see their talk, read after the “~~”)

Summary: You haven’t seen your father since the last time you talked, but of course with your luck he finds you again and you’re forced to make a big decision.

Warnings: Reader is going through it, poor attempt at a fight scene, the lore and timeline is probably fucked up but ignore that, OOC Ares probably and as of typing I’m realizing MAJOR SPOILER FOR THE TITANS CURSE. To avoid this, scroll until you see “I don’t have any friends that come over” or “~” if you wanna be extra careful.

You’d love to say that not seeing your father after your last talk was some sort of surprise, but it wasn’t. Thankfully (is that selfish to think?) none of the demigods had a real good relationship with their parent. Well, Percy seemed to have a solid relationship with Posideon, but it’s not like he saw him everyday. And as selfish and heartless as it sounded, that offered you a bit of relief and comfort. It’s not like your father was sensitive and loving to you and you screwed it up. Everything was pretty much back to normal. 

 It was a pretty somber day at camp. Percy, Grover and Thalia had managed to save Annabeth and Artemis, but it didn’t come without casualties. You weren’t necessarily friends with Bianca or Zoë but you still grieved over them. The hardest part though, was watching how sad your friends had gotten, especially Percy. You knew what Percy was like. Percy was extremely loyal but that loyalty led to carrying a lot more weight on his shoulders than what was necessary. If your suspicions were right (and you knew they were), he’d blame himself for Bianca’s death. That made zero sense to you. He told you exactly how she died and to you, it seemed like Bianca made a choice. Percy couldn’t have done anything to stop it. He didn’t see it that way and you weren’t sure why you insisted on telling him over and over again and trying to cheer him up. 

 “Nico?” Percy raised to his feet when he saw you approaching. You shook your head,

 “No sign of him. He’s been missing for a week now Percy. If we were gonna find him, we would’ve found him by now”. Percy looked defeated. You were sure he knew the chances of finding him were slim to none, but you kept combing areas of the woods for him to keep him somewhat at peace. If he thought there was a chance, he wouldn’t be as depressed hopefully. 

 “I’m gonna say it again-“

 “Don’t”

 “Well what should I say to calm you down?”

 Percy thought for a moment but just shrugged and started heading inside his cabin and you followed. Percy collapsed on his own bed and you took it upon yourself to sit on the bed next to his. You didn’t know if it was because you held resentment towards your father, or if you actually liked Cabin 3 but you really wished this was your cabin instead. “Must be nice having a cabin all to yourself. No obnoxious cabin mates, no extra noise, nobody leaving their shit on the floor”.

 “I guess” was all he said back to you and you sighed. You didn’t wanna keep repeating yourself but you genuinely didn’t know what to say but not saying anything made you feel like an asshole that was ignoring the situation. 

 So you tried to change the subject. 

“Is it like this at home too? Just you and your mom? No friends over?”. 

 “I don't have any friends that can come over”

 “None at school?”

 “None”.

 That made you frown. You were older than Percy by a few years, so you had time to adjust to how lonely life could be as a half-blood and by now, you didn't return “home” either. Camp was your home now year round. You understood why Percy kept going home though. You heard about his mom and she seemed like a nice woman. You were grateful he at least had that. 

 But instead of saying something sweet and nice and voicing your thoughts, you made a joke instead. “That's why your little ass keeps getting into trouble. You have no one out there watching out for you”

 “My mom watches out for me plenty”

 “But she's not keeping schools from being blown up now is she?”. Percy rolled his eyes, but he didn't look as sad as before so you took this as a sign to keep talking “if I was watching you, you'd be alright. At least you'd have help”

 “You're tryna live with me now?”

 “Sure”, you said with a shrug. “A cool mom, random blue food, stopping you from exposing yourself - it all sounds grand”. You both laughed at your joke because that's what it was. A joke. 

 At least… it was at first. 

 Either Percy didn't know what a joke was, or he was pretty fond of having a big sibling when he was home because the next day he told you he sent an Iris message to his mom and she was fine with getting an air mattress for you. You almost told Percy that it was just a joke, but then you thought about how lonely he must be at home and how annoying it can be only having his mom to talk to about this demigod stuff. Plus, it hopefully wouldn't hurt to get a break from camp. 

 You didn't know why you decided to pray and tell Poseidon about this, but you did. The sun had set and you slipped out of your cabin and snuck into the woods. You made a mini fire and threw two candy bars the Stoll brothers managed to sneak in, which was a real shitty offering but it was all you had. You couldn't do it during the feast. You had too much to say and someone would hear. 

 “Terrible offering, I know. I hope you're listening anyway” you started. “I'm gonna be following Percy around when he goes home and I'm gonna try and keep him and Sally somewhat safe. I don't know how safe Percy can really be but I'll try anyway. I hope that's not a problem. I'm not tryna step on your toes or anything”. 

 In all honesty praying and giving offerings felt strange. You were supposed to pray to Ares everyday and give him an offering, but you stopped doing that after your last talk. The first time you threw food in a fire and didn't say his name, you thought you'd combust as a punishment. You didn't though, so you kept doing it. Occasionally you'd give offerings to other gods but it was mainly Athena. Partially because she was like Ares but not really and partially because you hoped it would upset Ares. Was it childish? Yes. But compared to someone as old as Ares, you were a child. 

 “That's all I really have to say. If you don't want me to go you can drown me in my sleep or maybe send a letter. Whatever works for you”. You looked around, expecting for some paper saying “absolutely not” to land somewhere around you but nothing happened, so you put out the fire and snuck back into your cabin. 

~

 You don't think you have a huge ego, but you definitely felt you deserved a pat on the back for how good your work was. 

 You were able to convince your own lousy family to hand over any legal documents to Sally and thankfully Percy's middle school had a highschool right next to it. Although the demigods weren't supposed to use phones, a minor text here and there saying “hey, I think there's monsters here” didn't hurt anyone. There were plenty of times you had to sneak out of your school and into his, and if you weren't so busy fighting for your life, you'd audition to be in some spy or assassin movie. 

 Thankfully though, you weren't always busy helping Percy. You figured you might as well help Sally out so you got a job at a nearby bookstore inside of a mall and honestly? You'd prefer fighting monsters over dealing with bratty customers. Seriously though, how can you be a bitch at a bookstore? 

 “I've already told you ma'am” you said in a monotone voice, “we can't give you a refund if you do not have a receipt”. 

 The black hair woman scoffed and looked at you as if you caused the problem she was having. “A receipt? Do I seem like the type of woman who keeps a receipt?! When I bought Twilight, I expected better and I hate it and now I want a refund and as the customer, I am always right!”. 

 The entire conversation made you wanna explode in front of her and change the trajectory of her life, but unfortunately it didn't happen. What was with mortals and not understanding basic store rules?

 “I would love it if you were right but you're not. No receipt. No refund”. She scoffed again and you wanted to grab her by the throat and stop the noise from ever leaving her mouth again. 

 “Well what do you expect me to do?!”

 “Pick up a different book then get out maybe?”. 

 You couldn't put a finger on the noise that came out of her next. It was some deep throaty sound with a mix of anger and disgust. “Do you know who I am? I'm Holly Holiday-” you accidentally cracked a smile at her stupid name and that just fueled her rage. She pointed a finger at your name tag and said your name, followed by “you are so done for! I'll have you eaten alive for this!”. 

 She turned on her heels and left in a huff. Fucking finally. 

 You looked over at your coworker Harper and pretended your fingers were a gun and shot yourself, getting a laugh out of her. Harper and her twin Hazel shared a few classes with you and by some coincidence they also worked in the mall. Harper was with you while Hazel worked at the costume store downstairs. You couldn't tell them apart and you weren't sure if you'd ever pass the “we talk sometimes” stage but it didn't matter right now. 

 “I know it's closing time but are you ok if I take a bathroom break really quick? I can help out when I get back”

She waved dismissively, “take your time man. Hazel'll be coming up here too”. You nodded with a small thank you and stepped into the mostly vacant mall. The mall was usually lively but with it being so late at night, the only people around were other people like that annoying customer and workers who had the misfortune of still working this late. 

 It was eerily quiet. Sure, you thought you were used to how silent it was at this time of night, but you still got the creeps and did not take your time alone in the bathroom. 

 Maybe you should have though, because once you left the bathroom that same annoying lady was waiting outside, which she definitely should not have been doing. 

 “I told you I did not like that book”. 

 Seriously? She was still complaining? She was still here after the store had pretty much closed? 

 You said something that would've gotten you fired if your boss was around, “yeah? Tough shit lady. No receipt, no refund, it's as simple as that. Don't buy books you haven't read. Now get out the mall and go take care of your kids”. 

 She snarled. A genuine snarl that made you start to sneakily slip off the bracelet you were wearing. You didn't know if gods could give other kids gifts, and either it had been allowed this whole time or Poseidon didn't care since shortly after your “chat” after hours you received a dagger that could transform into a bracelet. You thought maybe Ares had sent it, but his gifts didn't smell of the ocean and a fresh breeze. 

 Regardless of who gave it to you, that snarl didn't sound good. 

 “I don't think you're very good at your job”

 “I guess I'm not. Now do us both a favor and just leave”. 

 She didn't leave. Instead she smirked and that was all the confirmation you needed to know something was wrong. The bracelet slipped off your wrist and while the monster was transforming, you gripped your weapon and brought it up through the bottom of her mouth. You pulled it out, but not through the entry wound. You pulled it towards you, letting it split her face in half. 

 Just in case, you stabbed her in the heart, twisted the knife then pulled it out of her through the side of her chest. You didn’t have to wait for her to crumble. It was game over. A surprisingly easy win. 

 You grabbed some nearby napkins so you could wipe your dagger clean then returned it back to your wrist. 

 “What happened?” Harper asked once you stepped back inside, which was really odd for multiple reasons. 

 Firstly, you looked like you usually did. Nothing about you was particularly out of place. At least you didn't think so. 

 Secondly, she didn't sound curious. She didn't sound concerned. She sounded frustrated, like you did something wrong. 

 “Nothing” you lied. “It's nothing. Let's just clean up, yeah?”. 

 “I'm sure it's not nothing Child of Ares”. 

Your brows knitted together and you hoped you just heard wrong. You turned to look at Harper and that's when it started to click. 

 Harper. Hazel. Holly. 

 Harpies. 

 They were too lazy to pick a different initial for the first name and you fell for it like an idiot. Plus the “I’ll have you eaten alive” comment. But in all fairness, who actually takes those comments seriously? If you took every threatening comment seriously, you'd be sent to an asylum. 

 Harper's short red hair looked like flames now. Her green eyes looked hungry for your flesh and her sharp teeth glistened in the light as feathers grew from her arms. Realistically, you should've been scared. There were two alive harpies in the building, but something about a monster with a gray shirt with mini white books decorated on it really made you wanna laugh. She must've sensed this since she sneered, 

 “You think I'm funny?”

 “Do you want an honest answer?”

 “You won't think I'm so funny soon you spoiled demigod!”. You wanted to make a joke about how calling children with severe abandonment issues “spoiled” was silly, but you decided this wasn't the time. Instead you took the bracelet off. 

 Harper laughed in your face. “You think that will stop me?” 

 “Handled your friend pretty well. How about you stop trash talking and come over here so we can see if you're any different”. You don't know which comment got her so angry but she leapt at you. 

 You sidestepped her and planned on delivering a quick stab to the neck, but she must've seen it coming. She grabbed something and quickly turned to bat you in the face with it, making you stumble back. It took you a quick second to realize she hit you with a book. A Goosebumps book no less. 

 “You are incredibly childish” you mumbled and you wished you could laugh it off. Maybe you were childish too because you picked up the book and launched it at her face, feeling a tad bit disappointed when she dodged it. 

 You swung at her but she caught your wrist and squeezed hard enough to make you drop your dagger. You were quick on your feet though and you brought your available elbow down on her inner elbow (you were sure it had a scientific name but honestly who cares?). You heard a crunch and Harper screeched. Her grip loosened enough for you to snatch away while kicking her, her flying and hitting the railing. 

 You grabbed the dagger and threw it. You meant for it to hit somewhere fatal but she moved and instead it hit her directly in the eye, which made her screech even louder. 

 You snatched your necklace off and the object quickly took the shape of a double sided sword. It was a gift from your father and although he was probably pissed at you, you figured he probably wasn't watching and wouldn't care. 

 You charged at her and swung the sword. Although she was screaming in pain and was no doubt in agony, she slid under the blade. As she turned to face you, her hands moved and a sharp gust of wind knocked you off the third floor. 

 To make matters worse, Hazel decided to make an appearance. She was right below you, cackling, arms outstretched and you knew if you landed in those arms she'd devour you. 

 You did the only thing you could think of with such short timing. You angled the sword vertically and aimed directly for her mouth. She seemed to understand but it was too late. You came crashing down, your sword along with you and it slid directly in her mouth and down her throat. Because of the sword having a solid middle so you could hold onto something, it didn't go all the way through and you stumbled a bit, but you were better off than her. She stopped all movement and to make sure the job was done, you ripped the sword through her, cutting her in half. 

 “MY SISTER!”,  Harper screeched and you looked up at her with your messy sword in hand. 

 “You want more from the Child of Ares?!” You claimed you hated trash talk and you especially hated being called his child but the adrenaline was really getting to you. “I have plenty to give!”. 

 She flew up higher and started to come down fast towards you. You readied your sword, prepared to end this but suddenly she stopped and started trembling. 

 “L-L-Lord Ares. I-”

 Before you could ask any questions and she could finish her sentence, you were being launched into the air. The scream you let out was embarrassing but it didn't matter in the end. You both collided and hit the wall and instead of being knocked out or injured like you thought you'd be, you were completely fine. Your sword went straight through her chest and pinned her to the wall behind her and you were hanging above the ground, grasping onto the hilt of your sword and hoping your hands wouldn’t start sweating. 

 “L-L-Lord Ares. I-”

 No. No way. It couldn’t be. But who else could’ve launched you in the air like that?

 You looked down and there he was. You don’t know why, but you expected him to look somewhat different. Maybe a new haircut or a new jacket. Maybe he’d try contacts, but no. He looked exactly the same. You didn’t know if you were comforted or unnerved by it.

 You wished you had something cool to say but all you said was “what are you doing here?”.

 “Saving your life”. Yeah right. You had everything 100% under control. He chuckled and you started to wonder if he could read your mind. When you screamed internally though, he didn’t flinch so that theory went out the window. Maybe you looked annoyed and didn’t know it. 

 “Are you gonna catch me?” You asked.

 “What for?”

 “Because you threw me all the way to the fifth floor and it’d be nice not to break something”

 “You need me to warm up milk up for you too?”.

 Fuck it. You’d risk the broken leg.

 You tightened your hands around the hilt and planted your feet on the wall then pushed off with all your might. Fortunately, you got the sword out the wall. Unfortunately, you were now falling from five floors up. 

 You braced for impact, but instead of falling and hitting the floor, you fell into someone’s arms. You looked up, thinking that maybe someone was with your father that you didn’t see before, but no. It was him. He caught you. Something you weren’t expecting but you weren’t against.

 You mumbled a thanks and stood on your feet. The year was 2006 when you last talked. It was early in 2008 and while that wasn’t that big of a gap, the talk you had last time made things more awkward. 

 “I thought you’re not allowed to interfere”

 He raised a brow at you as if saying “you care about rules now when you’ve been breaking them?”. Were you breaking them though? Sure you were encouraged to give offerings to your parent but you hadn’t been punished… yet. If it was so bad you wouldn’t be walking right now. And you doubted he paid enough attention to notice. He was probably relieved to have one less kid bothering him.

 Gods, you were a downer.

 “Are you gonna tell on me?” He asked.

 “If you hadn’t caught me”

 “And now?”

 “My lips are sealed”. You didn’t see his expression. You were too busy looking down at your shoes. A habit you hated you developed. It made you feel small. But you guessed demigods were supposed to be small in comparison to their parent. That’s why you showed them respect but they hardly returned the favor. 

 A moment of silence passed before he spoke up again.

 “You have money on you?”.

 Was he gonna rob you now? “Uh, yeah”.

 “You’re paying for dinner. Let’s go”

 He started walking away before you could even respond, and like a reflex you grabbed his arm to slow him down. “I can’t”.

 “Can’t?” He said so calmly it kinda scared you.

 “Yeah. I can’t. My uh…” you decided not to tell him the entire truth about staying with Percy and Sally. “My ride… mom. She’s coming to get me. You don’t want mom knowing you’re in town, right?”. 

 He looked you up and down and you tried your best to not seem nervous. You weren’t sure he believed you but he let it go for the night.

 You wished it stayed that way. That he’d just go back wherever he came from but instead he told you the name of a diner nearby and said to be there by noon tomorrow and that you were paying. 

 “Great. Thanks dad” you thought. “I always love our talks”.

~~

 The good thing about his random plan to go to a diner at noon was that you were allowed to clean yourself and sleep beforehand. The bad thing was that now you were sitting across from him and it was incredibly awkward. 

 Ares kept laughing at his phone and you debated on asking him what was so funny but he said “started a Twitter war about vaccination. It’s getting good”. You screamed in your head again, but once again he didn’t flinch. Maybe he just had a good poker face.

 “I’m happy for you?”. He glanced up at you and instead of going back to his phone, he set it face down on the table. You didn’t know if he seemed to glow because of the little war he started, or if a source of light was hitting him nicely. Maybe it was a god thing. 

 “You’re probably wondering why I’ve called you here”

 Was this an HR meeting? “I’m wondering why I’m paying”

 “Ask me”

 “You know I wanna know though so why am I asking?”

He didn’t respond. He just looked at you and you could hear his foot tapping on the floor.

 You rubbed your brow, already feeling a migraine coming on. You took a deep breath and let out a sarcastic response (which was not a good idea but your mouth worked faster than your brain). 

 “Ares, the amazing God of War. The Protector of Mistreated Women. Wearer of biker jackets. I come before you as your humble child, begging thee to tell me what required my summons and why you were at the mall last night. Please please please tell me. I’ll fall over and die if you don’t”.

 Sarcastic or not, he accepted it. He motioned towards the platter of burgers and fries, “this is your thank you. This is your offering to me since you haven’t been doing that”. 

 Well fuck. You didn’t think he’d notice. 

You leaned back in your seat and your fingers strummed against your knees and you had to remind yourself that running out probably wouldn’t end well.

 “You noticed?”

 “I did” he said simply. It reminded you of how emotionless he was the last time you talked. It reminded you of how frustrated you were that he talked as if nothing was wrong and as if your pain didn’t affect him. 

 “You demigods think you’re so smart. You have these big egos and think you’re ahead of us. You gave your offerings to Athena and Poseidon of all people ” he spat their names like it left a bitter taste in his mouth to mention them. 

 “And then you stay with that fish boy and his mom. Yeah. I saw that too. And I save your life and you don’t seem the least bit grateful”.

 Grateful.

 Something about that word you hated.

 Grateful? What was there to be grateful for? “Yeah dad, I’m super grateful my life consists of monsters trying to eat me and a dad I only see once in a blue moon. Totally grateful”.

 “We can’t interfere”

 “Didn’t stop you last night”

 He tsked, “I don’t get you. You complain about my absence then you complain when I’m here when I could be doing anything else!”. His voice rose but the people in the diner were either used to this or didn’t care enough to say anything.

 The nervousness and the fear rolled off you the more he spoke. Gratefulness? Doing anything else? You weren’t stopping him. 

 “Then go do those things. I’m not holding your hand and making you stay”. Your brain told you to shut up and apologize, but your mouth wasn’t having it. “And this isn’t about us and you know it. This is about you. This is about your ego being hurt. You don’t care about my safety. You didn’t go to the mall to protect me. You just love a fight and you were probably disappointed you couldn’t do more”

 “That’s what you think?” His eyes burned with something you couldn’t quite place. Anger obviously, but it seemed like something else was there. Or maybe there was literal fire in his eyes. Either way, it was clear he was upset and if you didn’t shut up soon, he’d probably turn you into a random animal.

 But who didn’t love animals?

 “That’s what I know. And I didn’t need your help. I was just fine. The only thing you would’ve missed if I somehow died was your little offerings. I don’t matter to you. Just admit it so we can move on”. Ares opened his mouth to say something, but you spoke again “and for your information Percy and Sally are very nice people. They feel more like family than you do”. 

 That shut up whatever he planned on saying. The last time you two talked you swore you saw an emotion cross his face. This time you were definitely sure you saw something cross his face before it went back to its default expression. 

 Was that regret? 

 No. That was stupid and you’ve had plenty of stupid thoughts. 

 It went silent. Weirdly, eerily silent. 

The diner wasn’t silent obviously but you two were.

You both were just staring at each other like statues. You wished you could read his mind. You hoped you would see thoughts of regret and sorrow and maybe hopefulness about your relationship going forward. You wished he had the same thoughts you had. Another stupid thought. Being hopeful didn’t work with him.

 For whatever reason, your mind wandered off to the late night talks you’d have with Sally and for whatever other reason, you started to speak.

 “Have you heard the song American Pie? Yes, it’s somewhat important to what I have to say. Yes or no only please”

 He looked bored and unamused but he answered anyway. “I don’t know. Maybe? Who cares?”.

 “There’s a line in the song that says this’ll be the day that I die. And for whatever reason it made me think about what I’d do if I were dying. If I woke up one day and I knew I was gonna die that day, what would I do? You wanna know what I realized?”

 He raised his brows for a second and leaned back in his chair. There was a possibility he was still bored but he seemed somewhat interested. “Shoot”.

 You smiled bitterly. Here he was so calm and fine and here you were, speaking slow and hoping your voice didn’t waver or crack. “I realized-” you failed. Your voice wobbled a bit and you cleared your throat a little too loud. “I realized I’d spend every second trying to make you love me”.

 You didn’t bother trying to read any expression he had next. You knew you’d always get it wrong and you’d imagine what you wanted to see. “And I uh… I don’t wanna be that way anymore”. You blinked rapidly, trying to prevent any tears from falling out. You didn’t have the rain to cover your face and blend in like you did last time. “And selfishly I hope that scares you”.

 “Gods don’t feel fear”

 “Well whatever you wanna call it I hope you feel it. I hope -and I’m gonna keep calling it fear- I hope you feel afraid for what that means for us”

 “Allow me to humor you for a bit” you felt as though the comment was supposed to be sarcastic but it didn’t sound sarcastic or aggressive. It was weirdly soft. “Why would you not wanting to spend your last day with me scare me?”

 “Because that means I won’t admire you anymore” you answered. “You don’t get it. You don’t get how much you mean to me. You don’t get how much I used to idolize you. Before I was claimed, I was already intrigued by you. Once I was claimed I read every single story that had to do with you. I was honored to be your child and tried to show you how honored I was everyday. I didn’t do all this for me. The training, bettering my Greek, learning everything I could about mythology. I didn’t do that for me. I did that so I would never shame your name and make you look like you raised incompetent idiots. The way I would defend your name and what you represent, you’d think I was being paid”

 “Me not admiring you anymore means I won’t care about defending you. It means I won’t care anymore about our family relationship. And I hope the idea of me calling you Ares instead of dad terrifies you. That emptiness or indifference I’ll feel when I hear your name… I know it hasn’t happened yet but thinking about it terrifies me too. Maybe I’m just selfish and don’t wanna be alone”. You used your sleeve to wipe at your wet face, a mix of embarrassment and relief for finally getting this out of you. “I could be right. I doubt it. I’m probably just making all that up but either way I need you to stop doing this. Seeing you at all, it gives me hope. I don’t want an enemy for life. I’m not Percy. But this is just gonna make this harder and if you hate me I am begging you to have mercy and leave me be. No visiting. I won’t come to see you when we do that little field trip either. I’ll stay at camp or I’ll go bother another god. Hermes is really nice. And if I break my end of the deal you can do whatever you want to me. Turn me into an ant, rearrange my fingers, throw me down a flight of stairs at full force, whatever”.

 There you went again making up shit. Swearing you saw something worse than sadness on his face; grief. That was impossible. Your eyes were just playing tricks on you like they always did. 

 You didn’t know what you wanted him to say, but you didn’t expect “you think, but you don’t know anything”.

 “Then tell me what I don’t know”. He didn’t say anything. He went silent and you were getting real tired of his silences. You sighed, “Sally’s been waiting outside so…”

 “Yeah…”. He let out a breath. Annoyance. Had to be. “You want this?” He asked.

 You were honest. “No” you said instantly. “No I don’t but this just seems like the best thing to do”. He didn’t argue with you. 

 Your hand went to reach inside your pocket for money but then he spoke again “keep it”.

 “It’s no problem-”.

 “Just keep it”.

 You nodded. 

 You stayed sitting down. Why was it so hard to stand? Why did your legs feel so wobbly and your throat so dry? Why did your chest feel like a huge weight was crushing it? Weren’t you supposed to feel the opposite? Free and lively? Feel like you could float?

 Another stupid thing escaped your lips. “Can you do me a favor?”.

 “Another one?” He asked lifelessly- no. He was not lifeless. He was happy. You were sure of it. You’d leave and he’d cheer because he wouldn’t have to deal with another kid anymore. You knew it.

 “It’s not a favor if you don’t wanna see me either”. Another bit of silence but you weren’t surprised. “Can we do that thing mortals do? You know, when they hug and say they love each other before they go their own way? Or maybe just the ‘I love you’ part”. He looked at you for a bit and you were about to apologize for making it weird and leave but Ares stood up. 

 You stood up.

 It’s strange how something you’ve never done before can feel so right. Like it was always meant to happen or always supposed to be this way. You weren’t necessarily cold and Ares wasn’t a heater, but the second he wrapped his arms around you and you did the same for him, you felt much warmer. Not a burden type of warmth. The kind of warmth that brings you relief on a freezing cold day. That crushing feeling stayed the same though.

 “I love you dad” you said and it fell out so naturally, you’d forgive anyone for thinking this was a normal occurrence. That the fight you had was just a small disagreement but otherwise you two had an amazing relationship.

 You didn’t know how the words “I love you too” would sound coming out of his mouth, but it sounded better than you hoped for. It once again sounded natural and genuine even if you knew it wasn’t. 

 You thought it wasn’t.

 No. You knew it wasn’t. This was no time for brain tricks and delusions. 

 Pulling apart was probably the hardest thing you had to do and your job was keeping Percy Jackson safe. That sudden coldness fell over you again and the crushing got worse.

 It didn’t get any better when you left. You didn’t have the guts to look at him one last time, afraid you’d call off your deal right then and there if you made eye contact with him. 

 Luckily Sally was an intelligent person. She was smart enough not to ask how it went. Even if she did, it’s not like you could answer with the huge lump in your throat. 

 “Do you want ice cream dear?”.

 You shrugged. There was that word again. Want. You didn’t know what you wanted anymore. You thought you did but it all felt wrong. There was no weight lifted off your shoulders and you didn’t feel light on your feet. You felt cold and hollow. The weight got worse and pushed down on you with so much force, you didn’t know it was even possible. 

 Then your eyes landed on his bike and it all came out. Your head fell into your hands and you let out sobs that were lodged deep in your chest. Your ears were ringing and you were sure you looked and sounded like the most pathetic person alive but you couldn’t care anymore. Sally, once again being an intelligent woman, took that as a sign it was time to go and pulled off. You assumed Sally would’ve dropped Percy off after you went inside. You assumed he wouldn’t wanna wait out here for you while you talked to one of the people that hated him the most. His hand patted your shoulder, notifying you that he was in the car still. Usually you’d make a joke and tell them that you were fine, but nothing came out but borderline hysterical sobs. 

 You grew jealous of Percy. He didn’t see Poseidon much but at least he knew deep down that Poseidon cared for him. Sometimes you’d get that feeling but you thought it was all a delusion. Fuck. Why did you keep doing that? You knew it was all a delusion. 

 That choice had to be the right one. It needed to be the right one.

 That didn’t stop this wave of agony from drowning you, and you’d fight a thousand harpies if it meant this feeling would go away.

Omg y’all I did it😭. I mixed two ideas someone suggested with my own ideas and here we are. I hope y’all like it even though a huge portion is me yapping but to be fair I didn’t realize until after I was done and summarizing all of that didn’t seem like it’d sound right, yk? There was definitely a way I could’ve done it but I’m stupid soooo… yeah. Anyway, OOC Ares but this is my angsty fantasy so I’m making him care about his kids. In my head the whole “I hate my own kids” is him trying to convince himself he doesn’t care for them so it’s easier to stay apart from them. Idk, maybe I’ll make a part 3 from his perspective and answer why he said he was saving their life. I make no promises tho. And I know I said it’s show Ares so skipping ahead doesn’t make sense but we know what’s gonna happen Taglist: @kyuupidwrites @chadmeeksmartinswifey @lebguardians @beansficreblogs (one asked to be tagged, one asked for more dad fics, then one commented plus reblogged and one reblogged, so although majority did not ask, imma just assume y’all would wanna see a part 2😀. We’re getting the band back together like this is Phineas and Ferb)

[sweetstars-posts]

SKINNY,

M. STURNIOLO x FEM!SINGER!READER

(if you don't want to be a singer, it could be anything in the public eye, it’s only mentioned a little!!)

WARNINGS — mentions of eating disorders, depression, anxiety, ALSO pet names (bc apparently that triggers ppl or smth).

a/n — this is a deep story based on billie eilish’s new song, skinny. as someone who faces troubles with eating, i wanted to make this for me and for those who need it <3

word count — 1.5k

(not proofread)

The rain is hitting the glass of my bay window as you stare helplessly out of it. The window opened a crack; the smell of fresh rain wafting into my room.

Your eyes are dull and lifeless — like you’re waiting for something that won't ever arrive. There's an aching feeling in your stomach, one that isn’t just nerves.

Your body ached as you haven’t moved from the soft plush cushions of the bay window for a couple hours.

Nothing in life felt appealing right now. The constant bodyshamming from the public eye got you back into a seemingly never-ending spiral.

People only seem to like you if you’re skinny. Eating was always a struggle, but now it almost feels like a game. Competing with yourself over and over again for trying to reach a certain weight goal that you won’t realistically achieve.

Everyone keeps saying you’re happier now. But are you? No. Complete sadness overtook you, but it was okay, because now you’re skinny.

But you also felt guilty.

You haven’t spoken to your boyfriend Matt in a couple days. You’ve been dating for 3 years and he knows every single thing about you. You still don’t have the energy to get up and try to find your phone which is nowhere to be found at the moment.

But knowing Matt, he probably knows what’s happening again. This seems to always happen. It’s like a record player that keeps repeating and repeating until the vinyl slowly starts to scratch and warp.

Your eyes falter slightly but they never seem to fully close. It’s like they can’t.

Your mind is racing 20 miles per hour but you can’t seem to comprehend a single word going through your brain.

The phone rings, the sound coming from somewhere in the mess of sheets on your bed.

A little while has passed and your phone still hasn't stopped. The obnoxious ringing made you even more aggravated. Yet somehow you felt stuck, like you couldn’t move to get your phone.

The sound absorbed into a dull hum from all the thoughts racing through your head.

You felt numb and lifeless. Like you were viewing yourself in a VR headset.

Time shaped into nothingness as your bedroom door creaked open. Your boyfriend, Matt’s, head peeks through the door.

His eyes soften as he sees your fragile figure on the soft cushions.

He closes the door behind him as he walks into the room. He makes a mental note to clean your room for you later. As he nears you, he sits on the floor, in front of the bay window.

His soft hands, grab your hands lightly, “I got you, it’s okay,” he finally breaks the silence.

Short jagged breath’s release your mouth, as you finally move your eyes away from outside, to him. He slowly moves to hold your head between his hands.

Tears slowly start to prick your eyes, yet you still don’t look away from him. Tears flow and flow, you have no control. Strangled breaths release, as you struggle to catch air.

“Hey, hey, I got you,” Matt’s fingers brush your tears away, his cold rings sending a series of chills down your spine.

Matt brought you into a warm embrace, lowering you down from on top of the seat, to his lap. He cradled you as if you were a broken fragile doll.

He pressed kisses towards your head, letting you release all those pent up emotions.

Neither of you knew how much time had passed, nor did either of you care.

Your breath’s evened out, and your tears died down. And Matt was still there by your side.

“Do you wanna talk?…” Matt questioned after a while.

“I’m just….tired” Your small tired voice let out.

Matt kissed your nose lightly before slowly standing up, pulling you up with him. He made his way to the bathroom connected to your room.

Upon setting you on the counter, he turns on the bath, letting it run for a little. He got everything ready — your clothes, a brush, and got all the small essentials, as you got in the tub.

He washed your hair, lathering the shampoo lightly. He then grabbed your brush and slowly brushed through the large matted knots.

“How about…after this we go back to mine? We can watch Inside Out because I know how much you love that movie,” His offer makes you smile, “And then we can work our way from there, how does that sound?”

You nod in response, too exhausted to speak.

After finishing up, Matt slowly helped you into one of his large sweaters and some pajama pants. Matt started to grab your phone and small things you would need to stay over (although most of your things are already at the triplets house).

“You ready, baby?” Matt extends his hand out towards you.

You grab his hand with a little small smile. Whatever joy you had in you was put towards Matt right now.

Matt led you to his car, opening the passenger seat. You could tell Chris sat there last. The seat was reclined and the seat was altogether far. You smiled at the way Chris left it.

“This kid doesn’t know how to fix his seat, I swear” Matt complained, as he helped you fix the seat.

Matt soon got into the driver side soon after closing your door.

“Where too?” Matt asked gently.

You looked at him in confusion. Weren’t you going to his house?

“C’mon, baby, we’re going somewhere to eat. Even if it’s something small, just… get something in your system.” Matt rubbed his hand against your knee.

The thought of food makes you want to throw up on the spot. You hated that he knew, but you loved that he cared.

“Nowhere..” You mumble quietly, head against the window.

You didn’t want to make this harder on Matt. But the genuine guilt fills you by just thinking about laying a finger on food.

“Sweetie, you need something.” Matt started the car, but ended up driving towards his house, “When we get home, you can have some toast. Even one slice, okay?”

You silently nod.

Matt pulled into the garage. As you and Matt make it inside, you can already hear Chris and Nick yapping about some movie they are watching in the living room.

As much of a bad mood you could be in, those triplets will always put a smile on your face.

Matt’s hand rests on the lower section of your back, gently guiding you through the basement. The two of you slowly walk up the stairs.

Chris and Nicks heads snapped towards the stairs as they heard footsteps, obviously Matt had told them.

Nick came running up to you guys first. He pulled you into a light hug, holding the back of your head with his hand, rocking you ever so slightly.

He pulled away, his hands resting on your face, “I’m so glad you’re okay, kid.”

Chris pushed Nick out of the way, “HEY! My turn”

Chris pulled you into a bone crushing hug, way more strong than Nicks. You smiled slightly into his shoulder.

“We were all so scared,” Chris whispered quietly.

As you guys pulled away, Matt grabbed your hand again, walking you towards his room, but not before bidding a small bye to Nick and Chris.

Matt closed the door behind him, as you went to sit on your designated side of his bed.

“I’ll be right back okay?” Matt kissed your head gently, before walking out of the door.

Matt had started to make a small piece of toast. Knowing you won't want to eat the other half, he put it on a plate for Chris to eat later.

Matt walked the short trip to his room, pulling the door open.

“Here, love” Matt put the plate on your lap.

You slowly grabbed at the piece of toast. Guilt swarmed you like a bunch of bees. Instead of taking a bite, you just stayed there.

Matt was now seated on his side, “It’s okay, Baby, it’s fine,” He rubbed your arm encouragingly.

Slowly but surely, you ate the piece of toast. Matt put on “Modern Family” while you ate. He never pushed you to eat faster, he was comforting and only wanted you to be comfortable.

“Good job!!” Matt’s large smile was contagious, it made you smile too.

As some time passed, you guys just stayed in each other’s presence. Not many words were said, but it was a comforting silence that everyone needs in their lives.

You and Matt were all cuddled up, your head resting on his chest. His hand rubbing your back gently.

His soft touch and actions, that lured you into a soft slumber.

“Goodnight, my love” Matt kissed the top of your head, himself feeling awfully tired.

At the end of the day, all you needed was a loving soul to guide you through your troubles. And Matt was that person. He was the light in your dark cave.

[queen-of-weird-girl-nation]

A Jason Grace Analysis 

While my Jason fics relies on mainly interpretation and headcanons, this one’s mostly going on the limited list of Jason’s life from the books. YOU’RE ALLOWED TO DISAGREE WITH ME,JUST DO IT RESPECTFULLY IN THE COMMENTS. be nice pls.

Spoiler alert 🚨 (for PJO, HOO and TOA)

Jason Grace is a character who was, in a way, screwed over by Rick during his writing of Heroes of Olympus and eiDzgventually Trials of Apollo. His story was very sad, but never explored to its fullest potential and in some cases didn’t make sense. He’s a character who is seen as ‘boring’ by the fandom, which , in a way, makes sense. Uncle Rick didn’t do him justice, so I’m here for a Jason Grace analysis.

Firstly, Jason’s incredibly depressing life. Because I do not know what vendetta that Rick had against my boy, but I would argue his story is the most tragic of everyone in the books. Yes. Even Nico. 

Jason’s mother was an unhinged alcoholic who was obsessed with fame. For the first 2 years of his life, he was basically looked after by his sister, who was also a young child. As hard as Thalia tried, she probably wasn’t the best caregiver on account of her age. His mother was unstable, which has got to leave some scars, even if you’re a young kid, because you still know what’s going on to some extent. And Jupiter seemed to leave the family to their own devices after a while, not even staying for a kid. So Jason has been basically abandoned, keep track of how often that happens. 

Then Jason was abandoned again, this time by his mother, left as a sacrifice for Hera. And he wasn’t sacrificed just anywhere, he was left at the Wolf House, where Lupa tested him to see if he was ‘pup or food’. So Jason, at two years old, was tested by a Wolf Goddess, a ruthless one at that, who threatened to kill him if he didn’t live up to expectations. Just a great environment for a toddler to live in. And while the time he spends in the Wolf House is unspecified, the general consensus is that it was for a year or two. This is more of a headcanon, but the implications of ‘pup or food’ could show that he stayed with her longer than the average Roman demigod. In SoN, it’s shown that most demigods do their Wolf House training for like, a week. And the training sounds harsh when Percy, age 16 does it. So imagine a 2 year old, going through that, constantly. Then he is off to New Rome. 

In HoO, it’s pointed out that Jason has 12 lines of his forearm for his years of service in New Rome. 12 lines representing 12 years of service.

Jason has been serving 12 years of military service since he was around 3. So that means that this literal infant is just… in the military. How does that work? Was baby Jason just running around in little armour? Was he doing the same drills as other kids when he was much, much younger? Also the fact that in Camp Jupiter, you train for 10 years, then go to live in New Rome. But Jason has been serving for longer than that, with 2 extra years. It seemed like he wasn’t going to retire anytime soon in the books, so that also adds some mystique to his character that was never explored.

Then we move into the other things at Camp Jupiter, which is that Jason was treated like a statue or a star, instead of a person. Hazel says that he is ‘more legend than boy’ which is so sad! This kid, this 15 year old is seen by those around him as a hero, a legend to look up to. Did Jason have any other friends? While Reyna seems to be close, Reyna had a crush on him, and while he didn’t know that, it must have made the friendship a bit… different. Jason isn’t specified to have any other friends in the books, probably because everyone was to in awe of his status as a Son of Jupiter. And while Jason may care about the rules, in Roman terms he was a very radical person. He was just trying to live a calm life, to not be known only as the Son of Jupiter. He joins the least respected cohort. He tries to take less important quests. But it doesn’t work, because he does get assigned big quests and while he is in the 5th cohort, people still treat him like a legendary hero instead of just a guy. And while the phrase ‘victim of nepotism’ is quite controversial, I think that Jason actually fits that bill.

Then we come to SoN. You know that tweet that’s like: hey we’re calling off the search party. we found a different guy out there we like more. That’s what Camp Jupiter did to Jason. Again, he was abandoned, this time by his own Camp. Like I know 8 months is a while, but oh my gosh, do we have to elect a new praetor? There’s also a contradiction. Percy is a Greek demigod, which isn’t a thing the Roman’s really like. Yet after a couple weeks at Camp, he’s already a PRAETOR? While Jason was put down for being ‘unrecognisable as a Roman’, they elected a very Greek person as a praetor? He was immediately accepted into the highest position of power? Also the fact that Jason wasn’t looked for. At all. While CHB was scrambling to find their boy (as they should), no one in CJ cared? Like, aren’t they the ones with the giant searching eagles? It seemed like everyone forgot about him, with him being missing not being a huge thing for most people (except Hazel and Reyna to my memory, fill me in if anyone else gave two frogs) and that’s gotta sting. The knowledge that your entire camp not only replaced you, but didn’t bother to look. 

Jason also had amnesia and never regained huge chunks of his memory. That must be horrible, to have parts of your life gone, to not remember much. While Percy got everything back, Jason got so much less!

Jason goes on the quest, then comes back. He goes to CHB, goes to school. He starts having a normal life. And he gets broken up with, making him genuinely sad. And while I know that Piper had no ill intentions whatsoever when she broke up with him, that also could count as an abandonment. Because they don’t really keep in touch in the book, they seem to go their separate ways. So kinda half of an abandonment, even though both parties weren’t in blame.

Finally we have his death. While Thalia got turned into a tree by Zeus, a slightly caring act for a god, Jason died. This could be because Jupiter is crueller than Zeus or it could be because of the cycle of patricide, with Jupiter killing his father, who did the same to his father. Maybe it’s because of his paranoia. Maybe it’s because Jason called Jupiter unwise, but it still counts as an abandonment. The god saved Thalia (she could be seen as non threatening, not a killer. Not someone who could carry on the tradition of son killing father) and abandoned Jason, left him to die the ‘heroes death’. 

Jason’s life has been one big struggle and rejection. 4.5 times, he was abandoned, left somewhere by someone. Left to die in the end. He was a child soldier, meaning that he was a kid that never got to be a kid, just a tool for the gods, for years and years. And he struggled with making friends, making new rules, trying to push the camp into the future. Seen as unroman, even Reyna says it. That’s an awful life, one that Rick Riordan never explored and one that’s contradicted at times.

Jason was a character that Rick dropped the ball on so hard.

Because, while his life is incredibly difficult, it has so much potential for storytelling, that Rick  dashes on the rocks, leaving the fandom with a character who people acknowledge as weak and boring.

So, in the fandom, Jason is regarded as having no personality, or being a knock off Percy. So, Jason not really having a huge personality, as a kid who trained as a soldier from a young age, makes sense. He was spending half his childhood trying to survive so trying to figure out what MBTI type he was may have fallen low on his list of priorities. Then he got amnesia, and sent on the Seven quest. So Jason not having time to develop a sense of personality makes sense, buts here’s the catch. It’s never explored. Rick never, ever explains why that might be happening, which could make for a compelling story arc. Rick never expands on the child soldier thing at all, which sucks because instead of Jason having an identity crisis about Greek and Roman camps, he could be really weird since he’s a child soldier. (I’m aware that they’re all child soldiers, but I refer to Jason as child soldier since he was just a baby when he started)

And the seeds were there. For example, the scene with Jason being wary about Nico and not wanting to rescue him, that could have been Jason being taught that practicality is key. That some people are expendable. He could have learnt that from the ARMY THAT HE GREW UP IN. That could have been a plot point, that Jason struggles with taking breaks or knowing that’s he’s appreciated, that his childhood was abusive and not normal, that life isn’t a constant battle for survival. That could have been his arc! All of the pieces were right there! Rick, dude, you’re a great author, but you fumbled so hard on this one!

And also the fact that… unpopular opinion time….

Jason wasn’t stronger than Percy, but he should have been.

Jason has been in the army since he was a toddler, and I know that Percy’s really powerful, but come on! Jason being this really nice, really powerful kid with super strong powers and no social skills could have slayed. Maybe this is the inner Jason stan in me, but I personally think that Jason should have been stronger than Percy, simply because it makes more sense. Jason has been training for ages and ages, he single handedly fought a Titan at younger than Percy (around 14 or 15) so it seemed like his powers were muted by Rick. This could probably be because the PJO fandom is like a toxic TikTok boy mom when it comes to Percy (I can be like this too), making him centre stage and getting annoyed when he isn’t. Percy is meant to be the strongest, which isn’t bad, in some situations it just doesn’t fit. Or maybe Percy’s just wildly OP.

This is not to say that in the book Jason was weak, but people treat him like that.

And Jason’s really sad life is never explored! He should have been struggling with 1500 mental illnesses at once because that constant abandonment? The stress of everyone’s expectations? Trying not to die at like 4? He’s neither the eldest nor a girl, but he’s got so much eldest daughter syndrome and is burnt out gifted kid syndrome personified. And it’s hardly touched on! 

There’s also the fact that’s a really small nitpick, but, the fact that Jason only has 1 single lip scar? That shows that Rick wasn’t paying attention to his own character. Jason trained with the Wolf Goddess then was in the army, he should be covered in them.

In conclusion, Jason’s very sad and tragic story was hardly utilised and the very interesting parts of his character were not used in a way they could be. But don’t worry Jason. While Rick Riordan may have flopped you, you are one of my favourite characters.

Peace ☮️

[keegansgf]

"bes camp counselor hcs"

my camp counselor drawings have been plaguing my brain but I always write headcanons before I ever write full fics. This was not proofread because I’m sleepy

Also I'm begging to request modern Mizu stuff, especially this camp counselor au :3 I wanna write silly slice of life again!!

pairing: mizu x fem! reader (other characters mentioned)

tags: pre-established relationship, summer camp au, modern au, band+uni au mentioned, fluff/overall silly stuff

Eiji owns the camp! He owns a couple of businesses here and there, but he offers kendo, iaido, and metalworking activities for all ages throughout summer– his day camp is for elementary kids though.

Before Mizu moved out to attend university, she helped around with Eiji's kitchenware business and helped out making kendo and iaido kits after school. She’s been doing her camp counseling gig since she was a teenager– of course, she still counsels when she visits Eiji for the summer.

She actually had no idea she could do this for volunteer hours until she found a brochure for it. She had to call Eiji to ask when he even started providing this

She considered going to visit Eiji alone in her first year of uni, but this time, she took you, Taigen, Akemi, and Ringo with her!

Mizu actually talked to you first about going back to her hometown to visit Eiji and help out with counseling, and you agreed, of course.

The rest of your friendgroup only learned about you and her leaving for the summer when you all went out to study together during the last month before summer break.

Akemi wanted to go due to her horrible seasonal depression– she'd rather have something to that isn’t just summer classes or rotting in the heat. She's just a snow princess, what can I say :(

Anyway, she thought the volunteer hours would be beneficial to her, so she asked if she could bring Taigen along.

Ringo also wanted to come for the volunteering– it would also give him an excuse to cook without destroying his personal budget. He also didn’t have anything to do over the summer, and would rather do something with the people he cares about instead of staying at his dorm or going home.

Mizu decided on getting there by doing a road trip but she absolutely refused to have anyone but you in her car– I mean, you're literally her beloved girlfriend! She doesn't want to hear any bickering from the rest of her friends– not for three or four hours while she's behind the wheel.

She’s so serious when it comes to prepping for road trips, but she does it all so quickly. Somehow she had the car all packed while you were getting ready.

Mizu doesn’t really need to take breaks as she drives, but if you wanted to take a nap, she’s already packed a few pillows and blankets for you to use.

Eiji's camp isn't an overnight one, so Akemi made arrangements to stay at a nearby apartment with Taigen. She didn't want Ringo to stress about finding a place to stay, so she got a place for him just next door in the same building.

Mizu's old room was big enough for the both of you, so she just called ahead to ask Eiji if it was okay if you stayed with her. He didn't mind– you had met before anyway, and he approved of you

You all got there a week before orientation day to get your equipment, clean, and debrief with Eiji

He had a set schedule for everybody with backup plans set up incase if there needed to be changes, but otherwise, you'd know what to do with the notes he made. He wouldn't be around much to help out since he'll be occupied with the kendo and iaido groups. He'll be there every morning for announcements though

Orientation day went smoothly; Eiji gave his greetings and introduced all of you to the kids– they were no older than elementary students. After he finished his speech and introductions, he let you all read off your attendance list to get your groups

Mizu made sure your groups rooms were nearby beforehand– luckily, everyone's rooms were in or at least near the same hallway.

Akemi absolutely adored her group! First, they were all girls, second, they all loved her! Eiji made it a requirement to wear bandanas on field trips so it's easier to spot staff and campers. Akemi sets aside time before they leave to do a few of the kids hair if they'd like their bandanas incorporated into a cute hairstyle. She wanted to get the kids into reading, so she made sure to bring a fully charged kindle everyday to read some of her favorite child friendly literature with a bit of poetry here and there. They didn't understand most of the poems, but she appreciates the effort they made to listen to her

Taigen is an instigator. It doesn't matter if they're literally 10 year olds– he'll unintentionally and intentionally instigate during activities. His group likes him and he likes his group, but they get competitive as hell when it comes to being as cool as him. He wanted to try to teach the kids how to play ultimate frisbee until he noticed how competitive they could be— it was best for him to put it off.

Kids rarely ever hate Ringo, so of course his group loved him. They act up occasionally– not intentionally since they're literally children, but they feel deep guilt when they upset Ringo because of their activity. Ringo especially likes doing high energy activities with his group first so they'll be tired out after lunch.

Mizu's group is kind of terrified of her because of how quiet she can be, but they think she's really cool. When she isn't doing activities, she's sitting at a table in her room to monitor her group while she reads here and there. She set up some coloring pages on the same table, so of course, a few kids were going to sit with her. She isn't bad at talking to kids, she just doesn't think she's interesting to them. Even if she's relatively blunt, the kids still think she's the coolest! They just have no idea how to get closer to her.

On field trips, Eiji usually drives one bus and gets a few other instructors from his martial art courses to drive another if needed.

Kids will fight to sit next to Mizu. A few kids from her group deeply disliked you for a brief period of time just because you would always sit next to her. Mizu thought it was funny seeing you distraught over their disapproval, but planned to merge your groups soon enough just so they got to know you better.

Akemi likes merging her group with Taigens on field trips just so she can take embarrassing pictures of him. He doesn't find out about those pictures until he checks her stories after the day ends.

All of you dread zoo, museum, and aquarium trips. It's always so frustrating compromising for each of the kids when they want to see something– especially when they get fussy. Mizu often asks for you to watch her group for a second while she sneaks off to the gift shop to buy you something

She does that on non-field day trips too actually. She'll ask Ringo and Akemi to take your groups during lunch every once in awhile so she can take you out on a little lunch date. The kids tease the hell out of you when you come back hand in hand, singing that y/n and Mizu kissing in a tree song. You both think it's cute until Mizu had enough of hearing it.

Akemi absolutely has favorites. One of the little girls she looks after is just a mini Akemi and she loves her dearly. On one swimming trip, she brought a few of her expensive sun care products and the girl asked her what she was using. She gave a detailed explanation of each product and offered to give her a little of the gentle products that were safe for her skin. For every other field trip, she's the first in line to get her hair done

Ringo is so over prepared for everything. He keeps a bag full of supplies of any sort in one of the buses, and in his room. Medical supplies, allergy free snacks, chargers, you name it.

The band made sure they brought their instruments with them (since they couldn't just stop practicing for an entire summer) and Eiji figured the kids would think a show would be nice. Mizu didn't want to carry this out since it would be a pain to set up, but Eiji just up and left before she could give her reasons to give up this idea.

Akemi and Ringo were thrilled to show the kids their instruments after their little show. Akemi had a few kids around her teaching them scales on her keyboard, letting them practice if they'd like and Ringo let a few kids play with his drums as long as they promised to be gentle.

Mizu and Taigen were reluctant to let any kids touch their instruments. Mizu also had to make the bass ≠ electric guitar speech too many times for her liking, even if her corrections were just "no, this is called a bass," "it's a bass," or "Taigen's is an electric guitar, this is a bass guitar."

[heaven4lostgirls]

hope (S.R)

pairing: steve rogers x reader

warning: angst, a little bit of comfort.

summary: the aftermath of reader leaving steve gives him clarity and has them both realizing that he needs to work harder to gain his girl back.

word count: 1.6k

a/n: I am so sorry this took so long to come out, I’ve been swamped with uni work but I’m so happy you guys liked part 1, I will probably post a part 3 to this, which other characters do you ship reader with??? Steve is looking at some competition soon!

part 1 , part 2, part 3

tags: @nouk1998, @spngingerbread21, @blackhawkfanatic, @immyowndefender (if I wasn't able to tag you that means your tags don't work!)

Steve,

If you’re reading this, then you have realised I’m not staying in the tower anymore. Tony helped set me up in safe house for the next few weeks, I can’t stay here. You chose Sharon over me Steve and you must know that I can’t stay with someone who would choose another woman over me.

I need you to know that although it’s been hard for me to accept it, I understand. It’s not okay that you chose to leave without talking to me, but I understand if she is who you want okay? I am so grateful to have spent the last 3 years by your side, but I can no longer watch on from the sidelines as you look at her like how you used to look at me.

When I come back, hopefully I’ll be ready to talk, but I am asking you that if you ever held any form of love and respect for me, to give me this time to heal.

Thank you, Steve, for everything,

y/n.

Steve crumples your handwritten letter in his hand, the paper squashed in the palm of his hands as he throws back the bourbon in his glass. His eyes are red rimmed and his face unshaven. He has been a mess since you left a week ago, unable to move from his room, and spending his time rereading your letter hoping that he could find some small sign that you still loved him, still wanted him.

He was unaccustomed to this feeling of pain, when he got out of the ice, he assumed the pain of knowing that he had missed his time with Peggy was truly the worst form of torture but the agony of once having your love and affection and having it so brutally stripped from him, may just be at the top of his list.

He sighs as he uncrumples the paper to place it on his desk as he moves to lay back in his bed, he had been part of a repetitive cycle for the last week, working purely on survival mode before he’s interrupted by a soft knock on his door.

He knows better than to feel excited at the small hope of it being you however he knows that it’s Bucky and Sam checking up on him and bringing him food before they annoy him into getting into the shower. He can’t stand the look of pity in their eyes as they hand him his food, so he slams the door shut as soon as he gets it, placing it on his desk, he moves to the bathroom.

He turns the shower head all the way to cold, hoping it will bring some shock into his system, however because of his super soldier abilities, his immune system is fried and numb to the coldness of the water.

His eyes burn as tears roll down his face, sobs wrack his body as he pounds his fist into the wall in front of me which breaks at the force of his strength. He hears the door quietly open before he feels Bucky’s metal arm tugging him from under the water into a towel.

This has happened nearly everyday for the last 3 days, sometime on the first day, Steve had stopped acting like you abrupt leaving hadn’t affected him and broke down during his training session, to which Bucky had been helping him through his depressed state however all he ever really wanted was you.

“I want her back” Steve sobs into Bucky’s clothed shoulder as he feels his friend cooing and soothing him like a baby before he is gently placed on his bed. His body shakes with his painful sobbing as he feels Bucky rubbing his back. “I know Stevie, I know” Bucky sighs as he tucks Steve in after he exhausts himself from crying.

Meanwhile you haven’t been doing any better, your mental health slowly deteriorating at the acceptance of the end of your relationship with Steve. You had known somewhere deep down that throughout the past month whenever you had caught Steve looking at Sharon that this was the beginning of the end.

However now it was time for you to face the reality of the situation, you may have spent the last week crying your eyes out at sad romance films with ice-cream and chocolate  but you knew that enough was enough, you needed to talk with Steve and hear what he had wanted to say the day you left.

Running from your problems was not the best solution however you knew realistically you did not have the mental capacity to hear whatever Steve had to say and that it would only end up doing more harm than good considering how high strung you both were about the whole situation.

Now, as you step off the quinjet, you are greeted with Bucky’s genuine yet sorrowful smile. “Hi Buck” you greeted softly as you stood awkwardly, worrying if you could still hug him even though you knew he probably spent the last week comforting your ex-boyfriend. Not than you could blame him, they had been friends for far longer than the both of you.

Bucky just rolled his eyes before his smile widened as he pulled you into a tight hug, you breathed a sigh of relief and slumped into your friend. Your moment was interrupted by a loud voice chiming in from behind the both of you.

“Y/N!!!!” you and Bucky both separate, you with a look of amusement and Bucky with a look of annoyance. Peter’s joyful gaze found yours as he sprinted towards you. “I knew when you didn’t respond to the meme I sent you this morning, something was up!” he said excitedly as he spins you in a hug as a laugh bubbles out of you.

“Hey kid, yeah I was on a flight back from South Africa” you smile and separate from him before you see his joyful gaze darken at something behind you.

“Y/N.” you hear softly from behind you, and you freeze.

You turn around and place a polite smile on your face, not quite ready for the conversation ahead.

“Steve” you say and nod at him, he moves as though he’s going to hug you but thinks again and moves back and you’re somewhat grateful, you don’t think you’d be able to compose yourself.

You all stand in awkward silence for a bit before you break it, “I should uh” you gesture inside and he nods before he opens his mouth, “Can I help with your bags?” he asks nervously.

You were hoping to have a few minutes to compose yourself, but Steve is probably right to get the conversation out of the way.

As you both walk through the tower, you realise how quiet it is and make note to thank everyone for steering clear of the both of you.

As you both reached your old room since you had been sharing with Steve, you place you bag down before you turn to Steve who is standing sadly outside your room. “You can come in” you tease him and that snaps him out of his mood as he moves to sit at the desk in front of your bed and you sit on your bed.

“So” you both start before you motion to Steve to carry on.

“I love you y/n, I don’t want this to be the end, can we please work on this? I promise I’ll do better, and I won’t choose Sharon over you ever again.” He rushes out in what you assume is an attempt to stop the inevitable.

You smile at him in pity and before you can start talking you see him shaking his head as tears fill his eyes. “Steve, if you really wanted me as bad as you say you do, where was all this attention and affection this last month? Why did it take me leaving for you to realise how badly you fucked up?” you question and watch as he breaks in front of you.

The last week must have been hell for him, the same way the last month was for you.

“Please just let me try y/n, let me try please” he pleads as he moves from sitting in the small chair to kneeling before you as he grasps your hands.

You move your hands to grasp his face as you wipe his tears.

“Love, I will always love you but you need to realise how hard it was for me to sit here on standby every time you left me for Sharon, I need to choose myself for once” you confess and Steve sobs into your legs as you thread your hands through his hair as you try and calm him down.

You watch as Steve tries to compose himself in front of you before he looks into your eyes in determination. “I’m going to prove it to you” he says seriously, and you nod to placate him before he shakes his head in protest. “No, you don’t understand, I am going to prove to you how much you mean to me y/n” he says and some part of you is hopeful he tries as hard as he says he’s going to be this time.

“I’m not going to sit around and wait for you to make it up to me Steve, you’re going to have to work for it” you say, and he deflates but nonetheless nods in understanding, realistically he acknowledges that he deserved worse treatment. He just can’t stand the idea of you finding love and connection with someone that isn’t him.

[lieslab]

Behind the light

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: og8 X gn reader

Genre: Comfort & a little angst occasionally

Word Count: 5.4K

A/N: This was a request where SKZ finds your self-harm scars. Major trigger warning for that. If there are very specific trigger warnings, they'll be listed before the drabbles. To whoever requested this, it's your lucky day because this was written so quickly and some of these are a bit more light-hearted. Enjoy <3

_ _ _

Chan:

TW: Mentions of knife and implied depression.

The dribbling sound of a basketball filled the air once again. Sweat poured down both of your faces. Your heavy breaths filled the air. Chan’s eyes met yours and, by the glint in them, you knew he was going to pull something. 

He started one way and then shifted towards the other. You stepped out to block him and he dribbled the other way. When he went back the opposite way, you slipped and stumbled over your feet. He laughed and circled around you with the ball. 

The ball shot out of his hands, hit the backboard, and soared through the net. You groaned and wiped the back of your hand across your sweaty forehead. With that final basket, Chan beat you in your one-to-one match. 

He came back to you and reached out a hand. You grabbed it and let him haul you to your feet. Both of you were panting and struggling to catch your breaths. “Are you okay?”  He asked. 

You inhaled a mouthful of the outdoor oxygen and nodded. The two of you had been going at it for over forty-five minutes. He smiled and patted your shoulder. “That was a really close game.” 

“If you wouldn’t have made me fall, I would have beat you.” 

“Uh-huh, sure.” Chan playfully rolled his eyes and a grin appeared on his face. His dimples poked out and he let out another squeaky laugh. “You have to admit, you looked a little silly looking dazed on the ground.” 

“It’s not funny!”  You huffed. Your lips puffed out in a pout and your arms crossed. Your body language was humorous to Chan. “What if I broke a bone or something?” 

“Well, I’m sure you would have had a much different reaction. Besides, you barely hit the ground that hard. You were already low to block me anyway. Want a rematch?” 

“How about you let me catch my breath first? It’s hot as balls out here.” You fanned your face with your hand. 

“I can go get some water for us real quick.” 

Chan started to leave and you weren’t even thinking about it. You lifted up the bottom of your cotton shirt and used it to mop up the sweat on your face. You sucked in another deep breath and dropped the shirt. 

When you looked back up, Chan was staring at you in shock. His playful banner was gone. He stood with wide eyes and a dropped jaw. You stared at him with a raised eyebrow. 

“I-I um…”  His voice trailed off. “What’s on your stomach?” 

“My what? Oh.” The sudden realization caused your heart to drop. You swallowed and tried to figure out how to explain what he had seen. 

The jagged lines across your stomach had been there for a few years now. You often refused to show your stomach to anyone. In a self destructive mode when you were younger, you slashed a knife across your stomach multiple times. You hadn’t wanted your family members to see them. 

You often wore tank tops and shorts. Your stomach seemed like the perfect place at the time. You were afraid they’d say something if you started wearing pants and long sleeve shirts in the middle of summer. Without second thought, you let the knife rip your soft skin open. 

As you grew up, you regretted it, but there was nothing you could do. What happened had happened. It was done and over with and you were left with scars. 

“Please, don’t worry,” you finally got out. “They’re from a few years ago when I was struggling.” 

“So you’re not still actively…”  

He was cut off with you shaking your head. Relief flooded through him and he nodded his head. “Promise you’ll let me know if you’re struggling?” 

“I promise. Now go get those waters, so we can have a rematch.” A grin lit up your face. “I’m going to beat your ass this time and make you weep.” 

_ _ _

Minho:

TW: Knife and dark humor to cope.

“What the fuck is this?” Lee Know asked. He scooped up a handful of the green pepper you were cutting. The jagged edges and uneven pieces stared back at you. 

“What do they look like? Those are my green pepper pieces. It’s not my fault you gave me a dull knife.” 

“I just sharpened that knife. I have a feeling the knife isn’t the problem and your cutting skills are.” 

You scoffed, “my cutting skills? My cutting skills are perfectly fine. It’s the knife.” 

“This has nothing to do with the knife and everything to do with your knife cutting skills. Have you even cut a vegetable before? Do you have any idea what you’re really doing?” 

“It’s not much different than cutting skin. The only difference is that the green pepper is thicker than skin,” you grumbled. 

Lee Know blinked a few times wondering if he heard you correctly. The words echoed in your head and your eyes widened realizing what you just said. Your teeth clamped down on the inside of your cheek hoping he would ignore your comment. 

“So are you going to explain the elephant in the room or…?” 

You sighed, “it was a bad joke.” 

“Your expression says otherwise.” 

“It’s really nothing. Forget I said anything about it. It was just a bad joke,” you insisted. You went back to trying to chop the remaining pepper properly. 

Lee Know called your name which caused you to glance over. You held your breath as he spoke. “Is there something I don’t know about you yet?” 

You pulled your bottom lip into your mouth with your teeth debating on if you should tell him or not. He observed your nervous reaction and gave you a small smile. “I’m not going to judge you, you know.” 

It took you a few seconds to gather the courage. “Okay, so I might have self-harmed a while ago.” 

“How long ago?” 

“A few months.” 

“Oh?” 

“But it’s really not that serious. I was going through a lot, but I’m okay now. I haven’t done it since then. I was really struggling and I needed some relief.” 

“That’s why I‘ve never seen you in shorts, have I?” 

“Yeah, basically.” 

“You’re sure you’re alright?” 

You nodded your head. Lee Know went silent and watched you cut the remaining green pepper. Nerves began to fill you because he was so quiet. You were starting to think he was judging you until he spoke again. 

“Well, at least, I know you’re not a murderer now.” 

“Minho!” 

“What? I’m just being honest!”

_ _ _

Changbin:

TW: Accidental injury, cigarettes, and cigarette burns.

“Why are you pretending like you’re stronger than me?” Changbin asked with a tease. “You see these muscles every day. There’s no way you’re going to beat me.” 

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.”  

The two of you had been spending the day in an arcade. All day, you had been meandering through streams of people going from game to game. Some you were better at and some Changbin was better at. One game, both of you sucked at it, neither one of you won. 

When Changbin saw a kid throw a punch at a small punching bag and neon numbers shot up, he tugged you towards the game. You had always joked that his muscles weren’t for strength and that they were just so he could look good. 

He figured that if he beat you, you’d finally have to give up your silly little joke. He’d prove that he was strong fair and square. You’d be forced to accept the truth. 

After the kid left, Changbin started the game and took his place. “Make your guess. How high do you think I’ll make the number go?” He rubbed his hands together and prepared to hit the target. 

“A measly five-hundred.” 

“What? Five-hundred?” His voice raised in disbelief. “Yah! You’ve gotta be kidding me!” 

You laughed and shook your head. He grumbled something and took a step back. He wound up his fist and swung. Right as he swung, a group of people passed you. One of them brushed against your back. You thought it was fine until someone’s elbow struck the middle of your back. 

You flew forward unable to catch yourself. Instead of hitting the target, Changbin’s fist hit the side of your jaw. You hit the ground hard and squeezed your eyes shut as white filled your vision. Changbin cursed and bent down. 

Pain radiated through the side of your jaw. The ache shot up the curve and dulled near your ear. He scooped you up and quickly rushed you outside and away from people, so you weren’t overwhelmed. 

In the parking lot, he opened your car door and sat you sideways in your passenger seat. His eyes were filled with concern while he stared at you. “Are you okay?” 

You gently rubbed the side of your jaw and nodded. 

“Can you speak?” 

“I think so,” you mumbled. 

“I need to take you to the doctors to make sure you’re alright. You could have a concussion or a broken jaw or something. What happened?” 

“Someone accidentally shoved me from behind.” 

“Bastards,” Changbin mumbled. He let out a sigh knowing that you seemed to be okay for the most part. You were dazed, but, at least, you were conscious. His eyes went up to check on you again. 

The left sleeve of your shirt was slid up. He reached a hand up to pull it back down when he spotted your scars. Each one was in a perfect circle. The skin was discolored in each one. A bronzy pink in some spots and a bit darkened with purple in others. 

“What are these?”  He gestured to the side of your shoulder. 

You glanced over and cursed beneath your breath. “Please don’t be mad at me.” 

“Why would I be mad?” 

“I used to smoke.” 

“So?” 

“And I used to put them out there.” 

“You…what? Why?” He frowned and his hand went to your knee. He was kneeling on the ground in front of you. 

“Because I felt worthless and miserable. It was a form of self-harm that I could hide. It’s been a while ago and that’s why they’re so faded.” 

“And you’re not still struggling?” 

You weakly shook your head. “Can we just go to the hospital? I feel like I might throw up. This is a conversation we can talk about later when I feel like I’m not dying.” 

“You’re right. Just know that you can come to me whenever, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

He helped you shift, so you were in the car. He leaned over you and buckled the seatbelt for you. He wasted no time climbing into the driver’s seat and backing the car up.” 

“I take it back,” you mumbled, letting your head fall against the car window. 

“Take what back?” 

“You’re really strong and your muscles aren’t just for looks.” 

“I can’t believe it took me accidentally punching you for you to admit it, but thank you.” A smug look appeared across his face. He kept glancing over at you while he drove. 

“I think this might be karma.” You let your eyes shut. Your jaw continued to ache. You gently rubbed it trying to alleviate the pain.

“Karma! Bom, digi, digi, bom, bom, bom, bom!” Changbin’s fingers tapped along the steering wheel to the beat of Topline. 

All you could do was laugh. 

_ _ _

Hyunjin:

TW: Suicide and depression.

“And then Juliet leaned out her tower.” Hyunjin shifted and hung himself off the back of the couch. “Oh, Romeo, Romeo!” He let his hand fall to his forehead. “Wherefore art thou Romeo?”  He cried out and lifted a hand to the empty air. 

You watched amused from your spot on the opposite end of the couch. Hyunjin had just recently finished reading Romeo and Juliet. You had never bothered because you thought the whole concept was dumb, but Hyunjin had proceeded to start dramatically acting the whole thing out. 

“And then they run away together and die,” you finished.

“There is so much more that happens before that!” 

“I think they were both really stupid. Why would you die for love? They could have just said screw it to both of their parents and left.” 

“Okay, but take a moment to consider that they were both teenagers.” 

“And that makes it so much worse,” you insisted. “Why did the parents have such a feud to begin with?” 

“They were mortal enemies!” 

You rolled your eyes unamused with his response. 

“Read the book!” 

“I’d rather not.” 

“Did you know this still happens?” 

“What?” 

Hyunjin sat up and looked at you. “In some countries, sometimes couples fall in love. Women can only get married if their fathers approve, it’s the law.” 

“That’s such bullshit!” 

“Don’t believe me? Look it up. There’s some couples that fall in love and women’s fathers don’t approve. They can’t get married to who they really love. Sometimes the fathers pre-arrange the marriage based on societal standings, wealth, etc.” 

“So they kill themselves because of that?” 

He nodded.

“That’s so…” You frowned. “That’s dark and awful.” 

“A lot of them can’t stand the thought of not being able to exist with their lover, so they kill themselves together and have faith in the afterlife. Romeo and Juliet makes perfect sense when you look at it from that perspective. People are desperate and in love. Without their lovers, living seems intangible and unimaginable. Loving someone openly is a privilege that not everyone has.”

You shifted and leaned over to put your head on his lap. Getting comfortable, he began to run his fingers through your hair. The two of you sat together in silence taking in the previous conversation. 

“Have you ever been so low in your life that you wanted to kill yourself?” 

“I’ve had times when I’ve been depressed, but I can’t imagine not living. I don’t want to leave everyone I love behind. I can’t imagine not being here for my family and friends. Have you?” 

“Unfortunately, yeah.” 

“I’m sorry you went through that.” 

“Can I show you something that I haven’t shown anyone before?” 

He nodded and you held your breath. Your fingers went down to your shorts and you tugged up a side of them to reveal the scars lining your thigh. His eyes widened a little and he reached out. With a gentle swipe of his finger, his thumb smoothed across them. 

“Do they hurt?” He whispered. 

“Not anymore. It’s been a long time, so that’s why they’re so faint. The idea of killing myself was terrifying, but self-harming provided a lot of relief. It’s weird to say now, but it made me feel good. I was in such an awful head-space that I felt like I deserved the pain.” 

“Do you still feel this way?” 

You shook your head. Hyunjin shifted his hand and placed it on your cheek. Your eyes went up to his. He stroked the side of your cheek with his thumb. “I’m really happy you’re still here and not doing this anymore.” 

The start of a smile pulled at the corners of your mouth. “I’m really happy I am too.” 

He bent down and pressed a soft kiss to the side of the temple. Popping back up, he let out a soft sigh and pressed his lips together. You pulled the side of your shorts back down. Hyunjin glanced around the room before he started up again. 

“Now where was I?” He leaned his head back. “Oh, Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?”

He couldn’t take anything too seriously. 

_ _ _

Han:

TW: Blood and recent self-harm cuts.

I can’t wear this!”  You called out from behind the curtain. 

“Oh, come on! That color matches your eyes perfectly. What’s the big deal?” Han responded. 

“It’s a short sleeved t-shirt and you know how uncomfortable I am wearing them.” 

“Please,” Han pleaded, “pretty please!” 

“Absolutely not!” Behind the curtain, you shook your head and placed the hanger that the t-shirt was on back on the rack. 

Han huffed and grumbled beneath his breath. He jerked the curtain open and stepped inside with you. You took a few steps back and lowered your voice. “Han, what are you doing here?” 

His arms crossed over his chest. “I wanna know why. I think you’re stunning and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. Why won’t you wear the t-shirt? Are you insecure about your arms? I promise you that there’s nothing wrong with them.”  

“Han, please I-” 

“Nuh-uh. I’m not leaving until you tell me what the issue is.” He took a step forward and planted himself in the middle of the tile. “What is it? Do you have secret superpowers or something? Are you hiding an inappropriate tattoo?” He gasped with wide eyes. “I bet that’s what it is!” 

“What?” Your eyebrows pinched together. You shook your head. “That’s not it. That’s not it at all. I just…can we just go? We can go to another store or something.” You tried to walk around him, but he put up his arm to block you. 

Annoyance flowed through you. You tried to duck below his arm, but before you could, he gripped your arm tightly. You yelped like a wounded dog and jerked back away from him. 

“Holy shit, you’re bleeding!” 

Before you could stop him, Han grabbed your hand and jerked up the sleeve of your white long sleeve shirt. In the bright fluorescent light above, the old and new self-harm scars were revealed. You stared at Han like a deer trapped in headlights. 

“Y-You…no…what? You’re…” 

“It’s not a big deal,” you mumbled trying to pull away and yank your sleeve down. Han shoved a hand over yours to stop you. Tears filled your eyes. Humiliation was beginning to creep up. 

You sniffled and looked down at the floor. Han reached forward and gently grabbed your chin, so you were forced to look at him. You swallowed the lump in your throat and blinked away your tears. He sounded like he was ready to cry himself. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were struggling? I would have talked to you and helped you with whatever it is. I’ll always be there for you.” 

You shrugged because you didn’t want to admit the truth. You didn’t want to admit that you were ashamed to ask for help. You didn’t want to be a burden to other people. You didn’t want to taint his life with your problems. 

They were your problems for a reason and you were sure that unloading your problems onto him would make him miserable. The last thing you wanted to do was add stress to everything he went through. 

He leaned forward and gently tugged your sleeve down to cover the fresh wound. The scab cracked open and your bright red blood oozed out. He grabbed your hand and began to tug you from the dressing room. 

Everything clicked in his head now. He realized why you had been wearing long sleeves. It wasn’t just because it was winter and it was cold in the winter. You had been hiding your hurt beneath those sleeves. 

“Where are we going?” You asked as he pulled you outside the store and back into the main section of the mall. 

“First, we’re going to Auntie Anne’s to get a snack and then we’re going home. I’m going to properly disinfect and rebandage your arm and then we’re going to sit down and have a conversation.” He gently squeezed your hand reassuringly. 

“So you’re not mad?” 

“Mad?” He turned to face you with wide eyes. “Why would I be mad? You’re struggling and that’s not something to be mad about. I’m not mad at you, I’m worried. Whatever you’re going through, you’re doing it all by yourself. Nobody deserves to suffer alone.” 

Relief filled you and you let out a soft sigh. Han turned around and began tugging you towards the pretzel place again quicker this time. “So what will it be? Do you want pretzel bites or do you want one of their big pretzels? Come on, I’m starving.” 

You couldn’t help, but laugh as his stomach growled immediately after he spoke. 

_ _ _

Felix:

TW: Suicide and blood.

You didn’t mind when Felix played with the bracelets stacked on your left wrist. He didn’t ask why there was a variety of dark colored bracelets. All he knew was that they were great for fidgeting with. Some were cloth, some were rubber, and some were beads. 

While watching TV, he grabbed your hand and set it on his thigh. You didn’t mind as he mindlessly turned the bracelets around and fiddled with them. His fingers slipped beneath one at a time and he spun them around. At least, he did until a commercial break hit. 

You pulled your eyes from the screen and shook your head. “That was so much that happened. I can’t believe it ended right there. I wanna know what happened and I hate commercials.” 

Felix chuckled, “I hate them too.” 

“Maybe I should ditch cable and pay extra for no ads on a streaming service. I’m tired of being shown advertisements for things that don’t pertain to me. They’re annoying.” 

Felix nodded his head in agreement and bent down to look at the bands on your arm. Recently, you had added another one and he took notice of it. You bought on an impulse and didn’t think much of it until now. 

Felix pulled the bracelet towards himself. The thin black rope had a small silver tag on it with a semicolon. He shifted your arm to look at it better. Your eyes were glued to the TV not paying much attention thinking about a task you had to do later. 

“Hey, isn’t this from that semicolon project?” He asked. 

You jerked your head towards him. “Hmm?” 

“The semicolon project, you know. The one where people make the semicolon visible and it represents people that have overcome a struggle.” His eyes met yours. They were full of warmth and curiosity instead of judgment. 

You slowly nodded your head. 

“Can I ask which one you’ve struggled with?” 

You stared at him for a moment hesitating. He continued staring back at you patiently. You glanced back at the TV to see if the show was back on, but it wasn’t. You hesitated once more before you finally nod. 

You reached down and began to pull off the bracelets on your wrist. Once they were fully off, you held out your wrist to him. There was a deep scar that started at the bottom of your wrist and ran down your arm a few inches. Felix was shocked that he hadn’t realized it before. He grabbed your arm, so he could study it. 

“There was a time a few years ago when I got to a really dark place mentally. I wanted everything to end, so I tried to kill myself by cutting open my wrist. I never got a chance to do the other one. The pain was unbearable and I passed out from the shock of seeing so much blood.” 

Felix frowned. 

“It’s not the only scar I have from that time period. I have others in places where people can’t see them. It was a rough time period.” 

“Are you okay now?” His worried eyes met yours. You returned his look with a smile and nod. He stared at you like he didn’t believe you. “Are you sure?” 

“That’s why I have the semicolon bracelet.” 

“Oh, right.” He grabbed it off the side of the couch and gently pushed it over your wrist. “You don’t have to hide this if you don’t want to. I’m not going to judge you, you know.” 

You nodded, “I know. However, I feel more comfortable with it covered up. It raises a lot of eyebrows when people see it. I don’t want all that attention on me when I go out in public.” 

“I understand. Just know that you can come to me if you’re struggling, okay? You’re not the only one who has struggled with dark thoughts.” 

You nodded and replaced the rest of your bracelets back on your wrist. Felix tugged you over into his lap. You got comfortable and the show finally came back on. 

_ _ _

Seungmin:

TW: Roller coasters.

“This was the worst idea you’ve had yet.” You squeezed your eyes shut and clutched onto the bar in front of you. Your heart was in your stomach. 

Beside you, Seungmin laughed. “Why are you so scared? It’s just a little roller coaster. Afraid you’ll throw up?” 

“Shut up! It’s not just  a little roller coaster! It goes really fast and does three loops. This is my worst nightmare!” 

“Then why’d you agree to go on it with me?” 

“I’m not a coward!” You cried out and squeezed your eyes tighter as the ride operator began counting down for take off. Around you, people chirped and giggled with excitement. A nervous fluttering was in the air. Behind you, two guys whooped and hollered ready to go. 

With zero mercy, the ride shot forward. You screamed while being launched to what you were sure was your curtain death. Your fingers went pale around the safety bar. Your hair jerked back behind your head. You flew through the wind. 

Beside you, Seungmin’s laughter filled your ears. His teeth sparkled as he grinned. Right when you opened your eyes, the ride twisted. You screamed again and squeezed your eyes shut. Seungmin glanced over giggling. 

“Just open your eyes!” 

“I don’t want to fall out! If I fall, I don’t want to see it on the way down! Let me ride in peace!” 

“Scaredy-cat!” He taunted. 

“Fuck you!” 

He opened his mouth to respond when he began to cough. Worried, you reopened your eyes and glanced over at him. He coughed a few times and swallowed with a groan. 

“Are you okay?” You called out over the rush of air that made it hard to hear each other. 

“I swallowed a bug.” 

It was your turn to laugh this time, but you made sure not to open your mouth wide, so the same didn’t happen to you. “It’s not funny!” He cried out which caused you to laugh harder. 

You felt weightless through the next few loops. The laughter had caused you to relax a little. You kept gripping the bar, but you finally looked around at everything. The two of you were high above the amusement park. 

“Oh, here we go.” 

You glanced ahead with wide eyes. The two of you were slowly inching towards an incline. You didn’t ask, you just acted. Your hand reached out and grabbed Seungmin’s tightly. He squeezed your hand back and you continued your steady uphill climb. 

When you got to the top, you began to slide down. You held your breath and then you dropped. Your body was shoved back due to g-force. A high pitched scream left your mouth. 

By the time you got down and back to the beginning of the ride to get off, you were dazed. The baggy shorts you had were pushed up higher. Quite a bit of your thigh was exposed along with old self-harm scars. Seungmin cleared his throat and nodded down to your thigh. 

Red filled your cheeks and you mumbled an apology and tugged the shorts down. Your eyes met his worried that he’d say something about it, but he remained silent until he changed the topic. “So what do you want to do next?” 

The safety bar lifted up and the two of you left the roller coaster cart. Safely back on the ground and away from people, you turned to face Seungmin. “I can explain that, it was just fr-” 

“I don’t need an explanation. You don’t have to explain anything. Some people struggle sometimes and you don’t owe me an explanation.” 

You blinked in shock, “but don’t you want to know what happened?” 

“Of course, I want to know, but that’s not up to me. That’s up to you and it’s not right for me to stick my nose into your business and pry it out of you. I trust that you’ll come to me when you’re struggling. Clearly, whatever happened is from a while ago, so I’m not worried. Now if they were new, that’s a whole other story.” 

“It’s been quite a bit since I’ve self-harmed,” you admitted. 

“Well, I’m glad you’re doing better and I hope whatever the cause of it has been resolved.” 

You nodded your head. 

“So should we go on another roller coaster or the drop tower?” He grinned. 

“Are you trying to kill me?” 

“I’m trying to have fun here!” 

“You deserved to choke on that bug.” 

“Well, fuck you too then.”

_ _ _

Jeongin:

TW: Nudity and mentions of assault.

You grew so used to the scars on your forearms that they didn’t bother you when you were alone. You walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around your body. In your room, Jeongin sat playing his Nintendo Switch. He had been waiting for you to finish. 

He lazily glanced up and quickly shoved a hand over his eyes. “Jesus christ, what happened to a hello? What happened to warning me that you’re naked?” 

“I’m not naked, I have a towel on.” 

“Which means you’re practically naked!” He cried out. 

“You are such a big baby.” 

“For your birthday, I’m sending you to a nudist colony since you want to put yourself on display.” 

“Shut up! I just forgot to get clothes, so I’m getting them now. Don’t get your dick in a twist about it, geez. I’m going, I’m going.” You grabbed a stack of clothes and disappeared back into the bathroom. 

When the door shut, he finally pulled his hand off his face and let out a sigh of relief. He picked up his Nintendo and went back to playing. When you came back out of the bathroom, he didn’t take his eyes off his game. “Are you naked again?” 

“I have clothes on, thank you very much.” 

He chuckled and glanced up. The playfulness vanished from his voice and his face fell when he caught a glimpse of your forearm. You were reaching out to grab your phone when the scars were flashed his way. 

He dropped his device, sat up, and pushed himself towards you. “What are those?” He leaned up more to try to figure out what exactly they were. They were faint in the darkened room from where he had been sitting. 

“What are what?” You unlocked your phone to respond to a text message. You pressed on the thread and began typing. 

“The things on your arms.” 

“The things on my ar-” You glanced down and went silent. The phone slipped out of your hands. You had forgotten about the scars on your forearms. “Well, um…they’re definitely there.” 

“Are those self-harm scars?” 

“I wasn’t really thinking about it, honestly. I’ve been so used to being alone, so I’m sorry.” You bent down, picked up your phone, and placed it on the dresser. “Don’t worry, I’ll change back into a long sleeve shirt.” You headed over to your dresser. 

“Woah, wait a minute, why?” 

“You’re clearly uncomfortable.” 

“I’m not uncomfortable, I’m just shocked. I never knew you had them. I didn’t know you struggled with anything like that. You don’t have to cover them up.” 

You considered his words and turned around to face him. “Are you sure? I can cover them up like I normally do. I just wasn’t thinking and I-” 

“Hey, it’s okay, really. You shouldn’t have felt like you had to hide them to begin with. Grab your Nintendo Switch and let’s battle.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“If you’re going to cover anything up, you can start by covering up your nudity when I’m over here. I don’t care if you shower, but I don’t want to see all that.” 

“I wasn’t naked! You’ve seen worse anyway! Worry about Chan and his shirtless habits. Hyunjin said it himself that Chan walks around practically naked.” 

“I don’t have to experience that in my dorm because I don’t live in theirs. Good try, but you’re wrong. You should be fined with indecent exposure. I’m practically a child and you’re showing me your goods.” 

“I’m going to show you my fist in a minute, you idiot.” 

“Oh, assault and indecent exposure. That’ll get you fined and tossed into jail. I’m not bailing you out and neither are my band members. Maybe you should have just gone to the nudist colony instead.” 

You rolled your eyes and grabbed your Nintendo Switch. “Scoot over, I’m going to kick your ass in Mario Kart.” 

“Pft, we’ll see about that.”

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @s3ungmins

Masterlist

[pacienties]

— emo beomgyu as your comforting bestfriend <3

warnings <3: friends to lovers kinda? (beomgyu is in love with the reader) angst ): reader has bpd n coping with a bad breakup, cursing, reader has mixed feelings about breakup, symptoms of depression basically

a/n <3: im sorry this isn’t the usual posts i make im currently coping with a breakup and i was with my fp of over two years and im in desperate need of a way to cope that doesn’t involve self destructing please enjoy!!

it’s been about eleven months since your breakup with your partner and it feels like it’s been years since

you’ve decided to try therapy, you even begged for your partner to try again but no avail

you grew helpless, and overall just very depressed

you started spending all day in your room, ignoring your friends, family and even ignoring basic human needs since as eating causing a sufficient amount of weight loss

you didn’t understand why you were still so sad about this breakup, the relationship you had with your partner was dead anyway you guys were constantly on and off and always arguing it really made no sense to you why you’re still so upset over them

you began to have mixed feelings, constantly going back to black and white thinking on your ex wondering what hurt more? hurting with them around or hurting with them gone

you felt overdramatic but this was your fp for crying out loud, your first of everything you felt like you were never gonna get over it

you always knew that it your my bpd making you feel this way bc no normal person mourns a breakup like if the person died

you were absolutely spiraling during the day you felt infinite and felt like you were over your ex and then when you were alone at night and you’re mourning your ex and sobbing hysterically trying to get them back

everyone tells you that time heals and you’ll get over it but you’re really starting to believe that that won’t ever happen

you sigh in defeat as you begin to lay on your bed for the nth day in a row planning on bed rotting until you hear a faint knock by your bay window

groaning as you sit up weakly walking to the sound, you open the window your smiling fainting at the sight of your childhood bestfriend beomgyu you move out of the way to let him in your bedroom

“you doing okay? you haven’t been answering my calls or texts” the oreo hair colored older male asked you taking in the state you’re currently in

your lip wobbles at the question as you try to fight back sobs and falling into the boys arms but you fail miserably as you cling onto your friend sobbing in the crook of his neck scaring him a bit

“are you okay y/n-“ he blinks awkwardly hugging you

you sigh again “no im not okay, im still not over them”

beomgyu looks at you in pity, “how come? they treated you so shitty and it’s almost been a year y/n”

“i know that beomgyu but it’s so hard to get over them when they were my fp” you begin to explain to the boy as he nods

“i got that but you do realize throughout your entire relationship with them you were the glue holding the relationship together right? you were there for them when they needed it the most when they were depressed and they couldn’t even do that for you” the boy goes on a rant

“i know that but maybe i just need to get over this depression phase alone”

“do you hear yourself? no one deserves to go through depression alone!” beomgyu’s heart breaks at your statement as he hugs you tighter

you smile weakly moving to sit beside him instead of on his lap, “you really think so?”

“i know so” he smiles back at you

“hey are you hungry? i hear your stomach growling” beomgyu asked you looking at how much weight you’ve lost

you shake your head making the emo boy frown at you, “well that’s okay let’s just take this step by step okay? im sorry for not checking in on you in person sooner but i’m here now as a friend a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to” beomgyu brings you into a gentle embrace rubbing his fingers through your hair in attempt to cheer you up

beomgyu felt guilty for this but he was in love with you, has been since high school but he knew the timing wasn’t right and you desperately need a friend right now

even though it hurts him that you may never be over your ex at least he can be there for you rather than not have you at all

a/n: it’s only been a day since my breakup with my partner but i hope i get over them soon bc i know our relationship has been dead for months before the final breakup :( also sorry if this one shot isn’t so good ):

[lovelywritinglady]

can you do uzui x reader where yn hade a miscarriage and is in a depressive state thank you

Miscarry

Uzui Tengen x fem!Reader

ANGST, mentions of miscarriage, implied relationship with the other 3 wives, mentions of depression/depressive thoughts, mentions of blood.

First person pov

The day was crisp and the air was fragrant with the smell of freshly bloomed cherry blossoms. It was a perfect day to go walking around the large estate that my husband and my wives and I live at. I’m currently four months pregnant with a baby. All of us are excited for them. I’m the first one of the girls to get pregnant by Lord Tengen. He’s been such a caring husband to be over the course of these four months. I know I have sometime to go, but I’m already so in love with them.

The sun was beginning to set and the vibrant colors of the day were shining through like a glorious painting. I always loved the sunset it made me appreciate the day before the night. For night was when the demons come, but my husband is a hashira, so I have nothing for fear. He was not home and neither were my wives at the moment. The only ones here were me and our housekeeper that my husband payed to stay over to keep and eye on me. Her name was She’s an older woman who has been working for us for a few years. She’s had children of her own and had even given me a few tips for when my child comes to this world. So I was thankful for her being there with me.

I began walking back to my beautiful home when our cat Mochi ran underneath my feet causing me to trip. Using my reflexes I caught myself before I fell on my stomach but the fall was still painful because I fell on the sharp rocks that lay around my house.

“Damn cat, you’re lucky you’re cute and I love you.” I exclaimed to Mochi

“Lady Y/N are you alright?” Mrs. Misaki exclaimed as she ran down the steps to help me up.

“I’m quite alright the cat ran underneath my feet, but I caught myself.” I assured her

“I’m very glad you caught yourself, but you need to be more careful.” She sternly told me as her hand touched my belly gently.

“Yes Mrs. Misaki I promise I will.” I said smiling at her protectiveness.

“Come on in I made us dinner.” She said as she began walking to the house with her hand holding mine.

We walked hand in hand into the home. She promptly sat me down and told me she’d be right back with dinner. I asked her if I could help as she was and older woman and I am still able to do things without it being difficult for me. She told me that I’m doing enough just by carrying the child. I thanked her for her kindness and watched her walk into the kitchen. A few moments later she returned with our food of rice, seaweed soup, and stewed chicken. We have thanks and began eating our food. I began to feel slightly ill, but I dismissed that because being pregnant has been throwing me off lately.

“Lady Y/N, you look pale I think it’s best that you go get some rest.” Mrs. Misaki suggested in a motherly tone.

“As good as this food is, I think you’re right.” I sighed

“Let me help you up dear. And don’t worry about the food, I can heat it up for you later.” She spoke with a smile.

She then got up and helped me out of my chair. I felt lightheaded and the room was spinning slightly. And my knees buckled and I fell into her arms shaking slightly.

“Oh dear!” Mrs. Misaki said sadly as she looked down at my legs.

“What is it?” I questioned nervously

“We need to get you into the tub right now my Lady, it’s urgent.” She said pulling me towards the bathroom.

“Why what’s going on?” I said while looking into her eyes.

“My Lady, you are bleeding heavily and you need to get in the tub.” She persisted and we made our way into the bathroom.

She then undressed me and sat me in our tub. I then saw the blood pooling at my feet. My heat was racing and I felt the sweat beginning to kiss my face. My vision began to blur. Mrs. Misaki was trying to talk to me but I couldn’t make out what she was saying. I felt myself slipping out of consciousness with the only thought in my mind…my baby.

The Next Morning

“Y/n…Y/n…Y/N..” I hear a voice next to me say.

I open my eyes to be greeted by my wives all sitting next to the bed. The all looked just as beautiful as always except their normals cheerful faces held a pained look on them. This caused me to worry. Did our husband get hurt? Did the mission go south? All my thoughts were interrupted when my husband came in the room along with Mrs. Misaki.

“Lord Tengen is everything okay?” I questioned as my words came out weakly.

“I’m so sorry love. I just need you to know that this isn’t your fault and from what Mrs. Misaki says this just happens. I’m just so sorry that it happened to you.” He spoke to me. He then leaned forward and kissed my head with such tenderness that my eyes began to tear up. I was still confused on what what going on. My mind still a blur from the night before.

“What’s going on. Can someone please tell me? Is the baby okay.” I questioned looking at my family.

“Y/N I’m so sorry, love. But you had a miscarriage. The baby is gone.” Hina said wrapping her arms around me.

“What!” I examined. My mind spinning.

“Lady Y/N, please you need to calm yourself.” Mrs. Misaki pleated.

“How could this have happened? What did I do wrong?” I exclaimed frantically looking for answers.

“Love it wasn’t your fault. Please you need to understand that.” Suma said tears pouring out of her face.

“Exactly, it’s going to be okay. We are all here for you.” Makio reassured.

“I killed my baby.” I whispered

“No sweetheart you didn’t.” Tengen spoke shedding a tear. His hand made its way to my face stroking it gently.

“Yes I did!” I exclaimed smacking his hand away.

“Y/N please this isn’t your fault.” He urgently said.

“Please go away all of you.” I said as I turned away from them and buried my face into the bed. My tears were flowing hard and I chocked a sob. My heart ached knowing that my baby wasn’t alive anymore.

One Month Later

My baby was gone and I’m no longer a mother. Everyone has told me that it wasn’t my fault and that I didn’t kill the baby, but I can’t help but feel like I did. I hated myself for it. I don’t eat anymore and I can’t sleep as much. My hair is less full as before and I think I’ve lost a lot of weight. Everyday feels the same since we all buried the baby, which is also the last time I left the house. Their grave is next to my husbands siblings at the Uzui family shrine. I haven’t gone to visit my baby’s grave. I’m too ashamed to show myself there. Mrs. Misaki has been working overtime making sure I’m okay and eating. My lovers have been too, but all I want to be is alone. I don’t wish to see anyone, especially my husband. I’m the reason he won’t have a child to hold soon. I know the others can get pregnant, but it’s dangerous with their line of work right now. I came from a merchant family and one day Uzui and I met and soon I found myself married to him and his beautiful wives.

The pit of guilt in my stomach grew. They took me in and kept me safe and took care of me. And I couldn’t even keep a baby alive. My eyes were so puffy and tired from all the crying I’ve done that I burns to cry now. Turning over, I curled up in a ball placing a hand over my empty stomach longing for my baby.

“Love?” I hear the sweet voice of my wife Hina.

“I brought you some food. Please eat something you need to regain back your strength.” She said placing the tray of food on the bedside table. She then placed her hand in my hair stroking it affectionately.

“Not hungry.” I grumbled

“Okay, well I’ll leave it right here for when you are. It’s just some rice and vegetables.” She spoke

“Thank you.” I responded feeling bad for not speaking that much with her.

“It’s okay, Y/N. I just need you to know that I love you so much. I loved the baby too, we all did. I’m just so sorry that you had to go through that. I’m here for you whenever you need. I’ll let you get some rest. Please eat something.” She spoke sincerely as she got up to leave.

“I love you too Hina.” I whispered hoping she’d hear it.

Two Months Later

I’ve begun to heal more after losing my baby. I’ve gained a little bit more weight due to my wives and Mrs. Misaki’s pestering. I still feel like it’s my fault, but that thought is no longer an all consuming one. I still long for my baby. I never knew their gender or held them. I never even gave them a name. I guess you can say I miss someone I’ve never even met. I decided to go out and enjoy the morning. I glanced around my room to see my lovers sleeping next to me on their beds. Quietly, I got up and walked outside. It was still too early for Mrs.Misaki to come to our home, so I was essentially alone until my lovers woke up.

I breathed in the fresh dewy morning air. Letting rising sun kiss my face and the chilly air nip at my skin. Shedding a few tears down my face, I thought about my baby. Still wishing they were alive. I took a deep breath and looked up at the sky smiling. I wondered if my child was there being taken care of. I then heard footsteps and I looked to see who they belonged to. To my surprise it was my husband in all his flashy persona. Normally on days like this, he would be sleeping still. So I was very glad to see him here.

“Good morning, Lord Tengen.” I greeted him with my morning voice.

“Good morning, love.” He smiled as he sat behind me. His legs draping down the steps as his big arms wrapped around me. His chin then rested on my shoulder as he kissed my cheek.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered

“You have nothing to be sorry for. What happened wasn’t your fault.” He reassured

“I feel like it was.” I said

“It wasn’t anyones fault. It just happened and I certainly don’t blame you. If anyone is sorry it should be me.” He stated

“Why?” I questioned confusion lacing my tone.

“I wasn’t there for you when you really needed me. I should’ve been there for you when you were going through that. I’m just glad the old lady was there.” My husband stated sadly

“You were saving people, my love. This was not your fault. You couldn’t have known.” I said trying around to look him in the eyes. They were glossy and filled with the same sadness that I’ve been plagued with for months.

“You couldn’t have known either. So how was it your fault?” He questioned as he held my face with such tenderness.

“I tripped and that’s what killed them.” I stayed pushing my head into his chest.

“My mother has told me that she fell down many times and even fought off a demon once when she was pregnant with me.” He stated with a chuckle while his right hand lifted my face so I could look once more into his eyes.

“So you did not kill our baby.” He said kissing me softly. After we broke from our kiss, I hugged him sobbing into his chest. He then cried too it wasn’t as loud as mine, but I knew he heart broke too.

“Why don’t we go visit our baby. Just the two of us?” He suggested chocking back a sob.

“Yeah, let’s go.” I whispered

After a while we made it to our baby’s grave. I had a bunch of fresh flowers that we had picked on our way to the cemetery. The day was truly beautiful and calm. As we stood by our baby’s grave hand in hand, I said a silent prayer for them. I then let go of his hand and knelt down touching the headstone. I kissed it and placed the flowers in front of it. I felt Tengens hand rub circles on my back.

“I loved our baby Y/N” He said

“As did I.” I responded

“You would’ve been the best mother. I’m very sure if that.” He said kneeling down with me.

“I guess we’ll never know.” I said sadly.

“This might be too soon for me to say, but if you wanted to try again I think it would be okay. But we would only try again on your terms. And If you never wanted to, I understand that too.” He spoke tucking a lose strand of hair behind my ear.

“One day maybe, I’m just not ready for that. And what if I lose the next one?” I questioned

“If that happens again I promise I will be there for you. I never what you going through that and I’m not there to help you.” He said with determination in his tone.

“Thank you.” I said as I couldn’t think of what to say at that moment.

“I love you. And I’m always going to protect you Y/N. You’re precious to me and I just want you to know that everything will shine brighter one day.” My husband spoke picking me up and cradling me into his lap.

“I love you too.” I spoke nuzzling my face into his neck.

My eyes felt heavy being so close to him. He was always for comforting. Closing my eyes, I thought of our child walking towards all of us. We all have bright smiles on our faces and Suma has tears in her eyes watching the walking for the first time. Smiling at that thought I fell asleep in my husbands arms getting some much needed sleep.

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