#i know not to rush or burn myself out and such but ive got some real life stuff getting in the way and im not sure if i should be worried

[miscellaneous--bones]

Hey quick survey type thing, if you've ever commissioned an artist, especially if you've commissioned multiple artists,

Please reblog for a bigger sample size, I'm trying to figure out what the normal standard of time is on finishing a commission and this would really help me out :)

[iiseult]

Oooh open requests! May I have King Baldwin with a wife reader who sweetly helps him treat his wounds regardless of how he tells her not to come into direct contact with his skin? Please, do it nice and fluffy, if it's not too much trouble! Thank you!

Wedding Night: Baldwin IV x reader

CWs → fluff, probable historical inaccuracies, she/her pronouns, leprosy, christianity and mentions of god, reader and baldwin just got married!

Note: This is the first request I've ever responded to! Thank you so much for sending it in, I really hope you enjoy! <3 Also this was supposed to be a drabble but I got carried away

Wordcount: 2k

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

Baldwin was laying on his stomach with his bandaged arms and legs stretched out across the large mattress, and his face nuzzled into a plush pillow. The day had been strenuous for him, requiring much more standing than he was accustomed to, and his body ached terribly. Though originally just on his hands and face, the disease had recently spread up past his wrist and onto a small patch of his back, causing an uncomfortable burning sensation every time his clothing brushed against it. He was waiting for his physician to arrive and apply his nightly soothing salve, which usually helped to relieve some of the discomfort that resulted from the intense dryness of his skin. But when the door opened, instead of his physician, it was you. 

Hastily, he sat up, looking around to find something to cover himself with. Besides the bandages wrapped around his ribcage, arms, and the middle of his face, the only thing he had on was a pair of white linen shorts. You covered your mouth and giggled as he scrambled to grab his robe from the nearby chair it was draped over.

“My lord, that really won’t be necessary. I’m only going to take it right back off once you put it on,” you said playfully, closing the door behind you and sauntering towards him. You were carrying a small basket in your left hand. He furrowed his brow and instinctually clutched the fabric to his chest, hoping it covered most of his exposed skin. A wave of heat rushed to his head, and he suddenly felt a bit dizzy.  

“Lady Y/N– I mean, Your Highness, what are you doing here?” he asked, his voice betraying his mild panic as his eyes followed you across the bedroom. You had changed out of your wedding gown in favor of a tightly fitting dress of a deep emerald green and a low neckline– typical attire for a bride on her wedding night. Heat rose to his cheeks as he admired his new queen’s attractive figure, on display just for him. He really hadn’t been expecting this. You had to know that, given his condition, consummating the marriage would be more trouble than it was worth, and attempting to sire an heir with him would be a completely fruitless endeavor. Why, then, were you standing before him, looking like the very picture of grace and beauty? You smiled gently at him, setting down the basket and taking a seat on the edge of the bed. 

“Let me help you. Please, lie back down so I can take those bandages off,” you murmured, trying to keep your voice as even as possible. You waited a moment, but he only gawked, eyes still shamelessly concentrating on your choice of wardrobe. You sighed and placed a hand over his bandaged one, looking deeply into his eyes. 

“I promise I’ll be gentle.” 

He hummed sadly, shaking his head no, knowing he could not give you what you wanted. 

“I believe that you would, but I cannot allow it. If you were to come into contact with my bare skin…” he trailed off. You bit your lip. You knew he wouldn’t agree to it. 

He noticed your disappointment, and his eyes softened a little. 

“Look at you, your skin is so pure…if anything were to happen to it on my account, I could never forgive myself. Not only because of the pain it would inflict upon you, but also for my own selfish reasons.” He spoke slowly, letting his words sink in. 

“My wife, you are so beautiful, and so smart. You have so much to give, and you are everything I am not. If you were to put yourself at risk of becoming like me, you would be condemning yourself to a short, bitter life of wasted potential. Though I may not be long for this world, I want to spend the remainder of my days admiring you and all that you bring. Please do not forsake the gifts God has given you for fleeting desires of the flesh,” he begged. His blue eyes were so wide, pleading, swimming with genuine emotion, but it wasn’t enough to break you. You knew what you wanted.

“Baldwin,” you said, addressing him directly for the first time, “Just this once, please. Let me do this for you.” 

You tugged lightly at the fabric bunched up in his grasp. He resigned, allowing you to pull it away and discard it at the foot of the bed, leaving his mostly bare chest exposed to your intimate gaze. No woman had ever seen this much of him before. He watched as your eyes traced his body, beginning at his delicate neck and protruding collar bones, then down to the smooth expanse of creamy skin covering his chest, and finally to his well-defined middle. Those parts of him had yet to be contaminated by his affliction. You had yet to ever come into contact with his bare skin, but the way you were studying him, he could almost feel the sweet sensation of your fingertips ghosting over his body. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry if you had hopes of…enjoying a true wedding night with me, but I must be honest with you, even if it does cause me great pain and regret-” 

You hushed him quietly, clasping his hand in yours a little tighter. 

“No, my love, you don’t have to explain to me. I understand. That is not what I came for. I simply wanted to take care of my husband.” You smiled, the corners of your eyes crinkling as you gazed down at him lovingly. He let out a breath and untensed his shoulders, relieved that he wasn’t letting you down after all. The sight of you smiling down at him with all the love in the world melted his heart, and his resolve broke. 

“Alright. But please promise me you will cleanse yourself thoroughly afterwards. We must do everything we can to prevent the spread,” he whispered, dropping his hand to allow you to have your way with him. 

Slowly, carefully, you reached for him, stretching your fingertips out and finally grazing them against the middle of his chest. He inhaled sharply, watching in awe. Your touch was feather-light, but it sent a spark of heat straight to his heart. His skin tingled. Gently, you applied a bit of pressure, encouraging him to lay back. He stared into your eyes and refused to look anywhere else as he readjusted his position, locks of blond hair shifting away from his brow as he reclined.

“That’s it, just like that. Perfect. Now, just relax, I brought some oils and salves for you. I’m going to take this bandage off now, okay?” You said, reaching for his wrapped hand. He nodded, and you slowly began unwinding the linens, peeling them away to reveal the most decayed part of his body; his right hand. Any skin left intact on it was shaded by a grayish hue, and the rest was just angry, red, open sores. You fought the urge to wince, not because it disgusted you, because it didn’t, but because you empathized with Baldwin, feeling the pain he must have felt in that moment. The bandages you removed were dotted with blood and other secretions from the angry wounds. 

You continued unraveling, all the way up his arm, and its condition gradually improved the further up you got. Then you moved to the other arm, repeating the same process. Soon, it was time to attend to the linens coiled around his torso, protecting the rash on his back. 

“Can you sit up for me, please?” 

He wordlessly obeyed, watching you work through his curtain of fine, golden hair. You scooted over until you were fully seated on the bed, face to face with him. He was suddenly glad for the bandage covering most of his cheeks and nose, so you didn’t detect the blush rapidly spreading across them. 

You reached around with your left arm and placed your cool palm against his shoulder blade to steady him as you pulled away the bandages. He sat as still as possible, not sure what to do with himself. His heart was about to beat out of his chest. Your hand was so soft, so slow…it was lulling him into a trance. He sighed deeply, letting the air roll all the way through his lungs. You deftly unweaved the bandage with your delicate fingers, working swiftly to avoid any discomfort that the pulling might cause him. Soon, all that remained was his face. 

Wordlessly, you slid a hand up the back of his neck and cradled his head in your palm, threading your fingers through his curls. He let his head fall back, confident that you would support him, and closed his eyes. A quiet rumble emanated from the back of his throat when he felt your fingertips brush his forehead. Then, you peeled off the last bandage, finally exposing the sensitive skin of his face to the cool evening air. 

Yes, his complexion was blemished and inflamed, as you expected. His nose was red and dry, some of the skin flaking off completely. His lips were in much the same condition. A smattering of pink blotches covered his handsome cheeks. But to you, nobody had ever looked closer to perfect. You grinned and cupped his face between your hands, gently circling your thumb over his cheek. His pretty blue eyes crinkled up at the corners as he smiled back, letting out a short laugh he never meant to let out. 

“You are such a beautiful boy, Baldwin. I love seeing your smile so much,” you said, tracing his bottom lip. That smile only grew as he closed his eyes in bliss. Your warmth was almost too much for him to handle. 

“I’m going to apply the salve now, okay?” you asked, gently laying his head down on his pillow and reaching for a bottle from your basket. 

“Mhmm,” he hummed contentedly. The smell of lavender and chamomile permeated the air as you scooped up a large blob of the salve and gently smeared it over his cheekbones. He sighed in relief as soon as it touched his parched skin, his pink lips parting. Soon, his face had absorbed most of the moisture, making him glisten in the candlelight like he was made of porcelain, and you moved onto his back, having him turn over. You ran your hands over the plains of his shoulder blades, massaging the tissue to help relieve any aches that may have built up. He groaned into the pillow in satisfaction. You smiled, continuing your ministrations. 

Needless to say, Baldwin had never experienced anything remotely similar to this before. The way you handled him and didn’t shy away from coming into direct contact with the most afflicted parts of his body made his stomach do flips. Maybe he could get used to this. 

‘I think I’m all done, my king. You can turn back over,” you said softly, putting the cork back in your bottle and stowing it away in the basket. Baldwin stretched leisurely and rolled over, hair partially obscuring his half-lidded eyes and crooked smile. He suddenly looked so young; only eighteen years old and he had already led an army. 

“Thank you, love,” he murmured, reaching out to grab your hand, bravely intertwining your fingers. He figured the damage had already been done, and there was no harm in a few more precious seconds of warmth. So he swiftly lifted your hand and pressed it to his delicate lips, almost burning your skin with the lingering passion in his touch. 

Now it was your turn to blush. 

[lateatnewyork]

Moonflower

(Flowers part II)

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV

Azriel x ex!reader, Rhysand x sister!reader, future Helion x reader

Warnings: angst, brotherly fluff (love u rhysie poo), swearing, elain and azriel slander (minor)

warnings & summary will be updated at every part.

Prompts: N/A

Summary: Nesta and Feyre had taken your wedding dress from Elain and handed it back to you. With the help of Rhysand, you burn it. Rhys suggests for you to go to Day Court and take some time, while he sorts things out with Azriel. What happens when a certain High Lord catches your eye?

a/n there’s going to be so much angst in this series😭 if you ever feel like killing me just know i love you guys, the names of this series are gonna be based off flowers this one is called moonflower as a homage to the night court

I had gone upto my room, not wanting to see the pitying looks of my friends.

Growing up as a High Lord’s daughter made me detached from the world, forced me to hide my emotions. Which is why, I didn’t shed a single tear until I was in the safety of my bedroom.

Shrinking down against my door, I finally allowed the thoughts to catch up.

Every single time he told me he made love to me, he really meant “I’m fucking your brother’s sister in law right under your nose,”.

I don’t even think I can call it making love anymore.

When he told me he loved me, he really meant “I love Elain, not you”.

All of a sudden all his words had double meanings.

“I’m going out,” meant “I’m going to Elain’s”.

“I already ate,” equaled “I ate at Elain’s”.

And at the very end of it all, “I have a mission” was actually “I’m going to get married to Elain,”.

Elain, Elain, Elain. What did she have that I didn’t? I had known him for centuries, been there for him through nightmares, defended him from others, hell I had given my everything to him.

And instead of returning them properly, he had broken them, trampled on my poor heart, fed my mind lies and broken my every being.

Sobs wracked my body as I hunched over myself. My hair was sticking to my face by the tears. Crying quietly, I twisted the ring off my finger, chucking it somewhere in the dark.

Hearing the soft clang of the metal landing made me sob even more. It was a beautiful ring, truly. A silver ring with diamonds encrusted on the top, 3 beautiful gems the colour of Azriel’s siphons. A blue so dark it could pass as black.

My ears were ringing, I could hear a knock on the door, but it was just some background noise compared to the noise of rushing water in my ears.

A talon of power scraped against my walls gently. Getting up, I open the door.

Rhysand stands there with my dress in his hands.

“I said I didn’t want it,” I state, stubborn as ever.

“I know that’s why I came to ask if you wanted to burn it with me,” he says hesitantly.

My eyes flick between Rhysand and the dress, a silent war forging in my violet eyes.

“Fuck it, let’s go”

My meltdown dazed mind didn’t seem to realise that Rhysand hadn’t taken me out through the main hall, but through the back entrances. Too tired to comprehend anything, I didn’t ask even when I realised it.

As if waiting for me a bonfire pit had formed.

Before we had left the room, I had grabbed a box filled with Azriel’s things that I wanted to burn.

With a flick of Rhys’ wrist the dress was positioned on the stand. A stick with fire was commissioned and he handed it to me.

“Would you like to do the honours, little star?” He says waving the stick towards me. I smile slightly at the use of the old nickname.

I grab the stick and throw it at the dress, revelling in the way it burnt.

One by one I added the items from the box.

A human polaroid of the two of us. His comfy grey shirt. All his letters. Flowers he had given me 2 days ago. A glass rose, funny really because my favourite flower isn’t a rose, it’s a moonflower. A promise ring he had got me. The prototype wedding invitation.

Rhysand watched me as I threw object after object into the endless pit of fire. Once the box was empty, I lunged the box into the fire as well.

That’s when he finally spoke up, “Little star, do you want to go visit Day Court for a while, Helion said any one from our court could visit his,”.

I nodded, the anger I had grown from the objects fading into sadness. Rhys held me close wiping my wet, tear stained cheeks. “It’ll be alright” he soothingly whispers.

I had packed my bags the night of the burning and had prepare for going to Day Court the next day.

“Rhys I can winnow myself,” I huffed as he dragged me along.

“I know, I know I just wanted to make sure you got there safe,” he sighs. Understanding, I let him take me there.

If Day Court was beautiful then they’re High Lord was gorgeous.

a/n i need sleep

taglist: @esposadomd @impossibelle @acotarfics-mharmie009 @stqrgirlies-blog @balam-sen @cumuluscranium @witchymomfrien (striked out means i couldn’t tag you)

[doyouknowbtsswag]

Do You Remember? 2 |Chishiya|

Part 1

I am so sorry that this took long and seem rushed

"What happened in borderland?" He asked confused. "Wait no what is borderland?"

"I'm not sure how to explain it myself and honestly I'm still processing everything but you mostly know everybody you've passed for the past couple of days."

I looked at his face his eyes held confusion that burned right through my soul. I thought that if I could tell him crucial information everything would snap like turning on a light switch.

"I'll start by introducing myself since you never caught my name. It's (Y/n) (L/n)" I said looking at him dead in the eye. "We met at a hotel in Tokyo playing tag. That's where we first bumped into each other."

He raised an eyebrow when I said tag. I talked slower than usual so my words were heard carefully but not as if I was talking to a toddler or baby. He nodded so I could know if he was still listening.

"You were wearing a white windbreaker. You told me it was your favorite jacket you owned." I stopped to look at him. It made me cry inside seeing the confidence he had in borderland crumble to the ground. He gently tapped his finger on the table. "During tag, we had to run from a person wearing a horse mask with a gun and find the safety zone."

"A horse mask?"

"Let me finish" I put my hand up. "There were other people. A black-haired boy with a yellow and white shirt along with a light bluish jacket was the one who figured out how to find the safe zone. You helped him in the process along with another girl."

I pleaded hoping something would click. Maybe the beach? The prison? King of Spades? King of Spades? Cards. Cards!

"Wait actually." I looked around. "Stay here"

I got up forgetting about the IV I was connected to. The pole fell over making me stumble back and loud crash as I disconnected from it. I didn't care that it came out or caused some ruckus. I ran across the hall to the playing room for cards. I earned weird looks from other people but paid them no mind. I looked around to see if there were any cards around that wasn't uno. I finally saw a pack and grabbed it. I wasn't expecting to get a massive headache because of it but either way, I ran back to the table hoping he didn't run off.

"You stayed" I sighed in relief sitting down out of breath a little. I need to get back in shape soon.

"Cards? What's so important about cards?" He raised his eyebrow.

I looked through the cards to find the ones I needed specifically. Setting them aside from the rest. I held the King of Spades. One of the pivotal moments in the borderland between us both trying to save the other from the bullets. I placed it on the table in front of him.

"King of Spades. Shot people with an anti-tank rifle. You were the one who knew what type of rifle for some reason" I looked up at him. "You held my hand and we ran behind a car with three other people."

He hummed his tapping becoming faster as he stared at the card and he didn't look like he was gonna stop anytime soon.

"You pushed me in the car not going in because of a bomb. I walked miles to reunite with each other." He stared at the card lost in a trance.

I placed the Queen card down next to the King of Spades card so he could see it. He looked at the card staring intensely. He brushed his hands over the card's shaking at the new information he heard.

"The last time we were together we were both injured badly. We saw fireworks at the end and declined the offer to stay" I looked up a bit to avoid crying "Our final moments looked like a ending of a sad movie that  would leave everyone crying for days."

"Did I protect you?" He whispered looking back at me eyes watering a little "Till the end?"

"Every time" I smiled sadly.

"I feel like I'm going to pass out," He said shaking.

"Wait calm down" I put my hands on his shoulder and one under his head to avoid him slamming it against the hard table.

I called for a nurse and they took him back to his room. I followed and decided to wait till he woke up. The nurse scolded me for making the IV come out and reinserted it in my arm. I leaned back on the chair waiting for Chishiya to wake up. I tucked a piece of hair that was on his face.

"If only you knew the pain of falling back in love in another world." I sighed smiling sadly letting a small tear drop down my face. "I'm jealous that you don't remember so it wouldn't be painful but I'm mad at the same time. I hate crying in front of people but I guess you can't help it." I whispered in a bittersweet tone.

I pulled my hand away seeing his face scrunch up and he kept moving as if he was having a nightmare. I frowned I've only seen this once and that was after a close call in a game. I would love to hold his hand or run my fingers through his hair but he doesn't remember our relationship. All I could do was watch in agony. I went to leaning against the chair convincing the nurse to let me stay. After telling her I would sneak out anyway she agreed hesitantly and annoyed.

"Chishiya we can't stay around here anymore"

"What do we do we are separated from the rest"

"Don't just stand there let's go!"

"No you go ahead," He said pushing you in the car. "I'll meet you soon I promise"

"No no no you can't do this to me! We promised to be with each other!" You cried trying to open the car door to get out. "Let me go!"

"I'll be okay just trust me" He smiles looking at the (H/c) girl as the car drives away. "If I die I hope you forgive me"

—————-

"Chishiya?"

"( Y/n)?"

"I'm so glad you're okay"

"I thought you died"

"You should know I don't give up that easily." He grinned lazily.

"Nasty isn't it," The girl said.

"You gonna bleed out," He said panicking wincing himself as he moved.

"Hey hey" She stopped him from trying to push on my wound to stop the bleeding

"Stop," He said as he fought back.

"You're hurting yourself," The girl said finally getting his hands fully off of her holding them tightly. "You're injured too"

"I don't care you are more important to me," He said "I can't lose you and let you die"

"I'm always going to be by your side "

"I wish we met before all this so we'd have more time together"

"I can't help it"

"We'll get out of this and see each other again"

"Thank you"

——

He woke up in a cold sweat groaning as he held his head. He looked over at the card pack he brought to his room he then looked over and saw me sleeping on the armrest. He smiled lightly. Did his head hurt? Yeah. Did he care? No. He stood up putting a blanket on me from his bed.

"I'm sorry I forgot you" He whispered. "It won't happen again."

He sat on his bed he was supposed to leave today and hoped I would too. He thought about what he remembered. He hated seeing you hurt but enjoyed seeing you next to him. He thought about the random people he indeed see in his sleep. He watched the sunrise which started a new day. I woke up stretching accidentally hitting the pole. I looked at Chishiya expecting an unbothered look asking why I was here instead he smiled. Not his unbothered Cheshire smirk. A true smile that caught me off guard as I've only seen him smile like that twice.

"I remember us. I don't remember everything but I remember you" I teared up and hugged him. "Let's go out. Let's go see our memories"

"It's all destroyed how? No way they would let us through."

"Let's say I have some connections." He gave his sly smirk. "Trust me"

I will" I smiled. "I get released today."

"Me as well," He said standing up and getting into the habit of sticking his hands in his pockets once again.

"Yup, I don't need anymore according to the nurse."I smiled "I'm going to go back to my room wait here"

He nodded and watched me leave. I passed by people with whom I had big memories but never remembered their names. Once I made it to my room I grabbed my clothes and broken phone that couldn't be used again. I sighed annoyed that I needed to get a new one since I just bought this two months ago. I grabbed the other clothes they brought to me in a bag. I pressed the red button and waited for the nurse to clear me.

"Seems like you are eager to leave I heard you stayed in another room." The nurse said as she freed me from the IV.

She told me to sit down and I did she told me to follow her finger and put a light in my eye to make sure it was dilated right. She checked my reflexes which became perfectly fine. She looked in my ears and made me take a hearing test. She told me to walk in a straight line and one on my toes. She checked my heart and smiled.

"Well Ms. (L/N) you are free to go make sure to change your bandages two times a day with this cream," She said giving it to me. "Don't do any extreme movements until you are fully healed."

"Thank you so much," I said eagerly.

"Take these just in case you don't have any gauze"

"Thank you again."

"Have a nice day remember if you feel sick please contact us"

"I will you have a good yourself," I said waving goodbye as I walked to the front desk.

I saw Chishiya talking to the receptionist as he signed the paperwork. He looked over at me putting his hands in his pockets his sly smirk. I walked up to the desk.

"Name?" The receptionist asked.

"(Y/n) (L/n)" I said looking over at Chishiya.

"There's quite a bit of things to sign." Chishiya chuckled as I saw the stack of papers.

"Okay, but all I have to do is sign them right?" I asked nervously. "Nothing else?"

"Take home a statement paper and return within a month." He shrugged. "Oh and health insurance"

"I can't afford that," I said quietly as I finished signing the papers.

"Have a nice day" The receptionist said grabbing the small stack.

"You too," I said my eye twitching.

"Don't worry I'll help you" He casually said. "I'll do my best to lower it considering I could bypass the files since I know how to."

"Isn't that illegal?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Maybe"

"Don't get yourself arrested over me"

"I won't"

"Anyways where should we go first?" I asked.

"You know more than me"

"To the destroyed hotel it is," I said starting to walk there. "How exactly are we getting in?"

"Close colleague," He said again as we started walking to our destination.

We walked side by side our hands brushing each other as we grew closer and closer. We stopped in front of yellow caution tape. He looked around saw the cost is clear and went underneath it.

"What are you doing" I whispered.

"Come on we'll be in and out," He said waiting for me to go under.

"We better not get arrested," I said sternly.

"We won't" He simply shrugged. "Lead the way"

"Fine just make sure no one see's us"

"I will"

I sighed losing track of how many times I have sighed. I looked around looking at the damage that was made.

"It looks unrecognizable," I said looking for the hotel. "There" I pointed.

"This is where we met," I said

"I was upstairs" He recalled the memory.

"Too bad we can't get inside"

"Yeah might be for the best though"

"Maybe," I said looking around. "Wanna move on?"

"Yeah"

"This road will forever haunt me," I said walking in front of the intersection.

"I'm just glad we all ended up living"

"I'm glad you did," said rolling my eyes. "You trying to act like a hero was scary"

"I still survived"

"Luckily," I said staring ahead.

"It's over now"

"I know but I'm still mad at you," I said jokingly.

"Oh well" He shrugged smiling a little.

"When are you heading back to work?" I asked looking around.

"To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if I go back next week" He sighed. "Especially since the hospital is packed"

"Isn't that too soon?" I asked.

"They don't care"

"Guess it just shows how important you are," I said trying to cheer him up.

"Guess so" He chuckles and stops.

"What's wrong?" I asked stopping with him.

"Let's find everyone that was close to us," He said.

"That would be amazing to hang out with them rather than strictly focusing on surviving." I smiled.

"Also" He looked away.

"Also what?" I replied confused.

"Let's give us a try"

"What do you mean?"

"Let's be together here" He grabbed my hands looking at me. "In the real world"

"I like that," I said tearing up. "I thought you'd never ask"

"I'll never break any more promises"

"You better not," I said gently hitting his shoulder.

"I love you" He smiled.

"I love you too," I said back as the sun started to set giving me closure.

He leaned down and kissed me. It felt nice I could feel the sincerity and happiness. The sun felt nice as it slowly started to set the golden hour making Chishiya's face glow showing his perfect face.

[valtsv]

we want to know about your near death experiences, please tell us of your near death experiences

erm. gonna put them under a cut in case it's too much for anyone lol (since it's kinda personal, i'm not going to pull my punches in describing how i felt, and i know not everyone's comfortable with discussions of death and near-death)

- took nearly 3 days to be born because my mom refused a cesarean and was nearly a month premature. don't know if this one counts because i was a baby but apparently they were pretty worried about my chances of survival towards the end and when i was born i was sickly and in a lot of pain for months.

- fell down the stairs multiple times when i was a kid, suffered several concussions and fractures and developed vertigo that gave me a phobia of heights i eventually grew out of. again not sure if this counts since i barely remember it but i do remember the feeling of cracking my head once and boy it's not fun. it's like cracking an egg but the egg is your skull. also remember having a lot of dreams of jumping off the top of the stairs and my consciousness separating from my body and watching it fall because of this.

- nearly drowned because i swam too far out to sea on holiday and got caught up in a massive tidal wave (it was the baltic sea in poland, on a very windy day, and i was 8 years old and an idiot). i'd just accepted that i was going to die stuck in this current i couldn't escape and given up on being afraid, embracing the cold dark tidal embrace of death, when the wave very gently set me down in the shallows and i was so at peace that i almost forgot to sit up and breathe. left a big impression in me. i did not tell my parents what happened because i was okay with it and didn't want to upset them or deal with them fussing over me or giving me hell for taking stupid risks when i didn't need it.

- got hit by a car on my bike and flipped over the hood. was fine except for bruises and scrapes but while in the air briefly freaked out and thought i could see a halo of fire around the driver's head (probably the sun shining through the rear window).

- nearly died of dehydration while infected with a very nasty bout of flu that kept me in bed for 2 months straight. i passed out on the floor of my kitchen while trying to lift a cup to pour myself a drink and would have probably at the very least ended up with severe complications if my cat hadn't wailed over my body until my mom woke up and found me lying there. while passed out i had this horrible nightmare that i was god reincarnated in a mortal body and got really upset because i didn't want to be responsible for the entirety of humanity because it was too much and i was only 15. was extremely relieved when my mom revived me and explained that i was just really fucking sick. ended up in hospital with an iv in my arm to prevent my body from shutting down on itself until the flu burned out enough for my own organs to stop fighting me.

- tombstoned off the lighthouse in the bay with some sort of friends and very fucking narrowly missed a shelf of rock that would have shattered me to pieces if i hadn't twisted out of the way moments earlier. as it rushed towards me i very much saw my life up to that point flash before my eyes and was really disappointed by how little i'd done with it. didn't actually do much about it for a while though because i was a depressed unmedicated teenager in a bad living situation. pretty sure that kid would be amazed by how far i've come since then though.

- pretty sure i only survived a bus crash because moments before it happened i felt this urge to stand up and did. if i hadn't my head would have gone through this metal bar on top of the seats and my neck probably would have been broken.

- got lost in a woodland area by google maps once and got so dehydrated from the heat and blood loss (due to trying to cut through thorn bushes when i got desperate enough to get scared) that i started hallucinating this shimmery figure i couldn't look at directly following me and chasing me every time i started to give up (somehow i just knew that letting them touch me would be very bad, but they didn't feel malevolent? i was scared but i didn't get the impression that they wanted to hurt me, just that it would be a consequence of letting them touch me). got rescued because i screamed so loud that some passing hikers heard and went in and pulled me out of there. again not sure if this one counts as near death but i was wandering in there for hours and felt like i was going to die.

[do-rey-me]

you are the world.

as you lay dying in a hospital bed

we take a moment to breathe in

(we do not know this is a dangerous thing yet)

the air free of the chemicals and beeping and rushing we have grown accustomed to

we try and eat something that is not bland

the shops are closed

as you are dying, the world is dying with you.

when we had first arrived, the staff had thought i was old

they had me sign paperwork and give medical information for your stay as your next of kin

they looked in my eyes and saw my future

(Apollo was God of prophecy and medicine both)

knew i would command your fate into the ground

knew i would not condemn you to that terror of cremation

your family arrives

(black birds following armies, knowing that a feast will be served)

they always do, for matters they consider important

first arrives your sister

(i forget which one)

she is kind to me, of course

she dances around the obvious, of course

she is surprised that my mother and stepfather are there,

although she tries to hide it

at some point, there is a meeting around whether or not

you would want to have donated yourself to help others

(why is that information not already available?)

i don’t know for certain what you would say, but i tell them to do it anyway

(forgive me, for not asking)

(forgive me, for not saying hello)

(forgive me, for waiting until i was grown to talk)

your sister tries to give you your Last Rites while my family is away

the Priest, the Doctors, they all tell her no

she tries anyway

(i understand, she is trying to help)

(i understand, she does not know you)

your Mother arrives.

(so does her husband and my uncle)

i don the armor ive been welding for my (your) life (death)

I greet her with respect, we go through the motions of grief before death

(i do not give her my True Name, i do not eat of her food, i do not give her any debts)

(i am a changeling child, i know her kind well)

i prepare myself for real battles to begin.

the rest of the players trickle in

the family

your friends

(your friends go through your house, giving most to me. neither side asks, so no debt is owed)

(i do not have to go myself)

(it is one less battle to fight)

my mother becomes my second-in-command easily, as if she never even stopped

she is water, flowing and changing

she is rock, steady and tethering

here is how the war is fought

in uncomfortable hospital chairs, we talk, your family and i

your mother takes charge on her side

i take charge on mine

we are outnumbered, but we have legal power over your decisions

and their time is running out.

as per the rules set long ago, we must remain respectful. polite.

they are your family. they raised you. you are their precious son.

(you were born out of wedlock. you abandoned the faith. you raised a queer.)

my mother abandoned you. my stepfather must hate you. your friends are irrelevant.

(you were my mother’s best friend. you got my stepfather to branch out. your friends built a boat to burn for you)

but me? i am your child. you are my precious father, my world, who i am losing.

so when i tell them that you would want to be buried without a box, to feed the earth and let the worms eat your flesh?

they cannot oppose me directly.

most of your family ignores your brother, my uncle

they can’t understand the words he says so they think him infantile

when they aren’t ignoring him, they are Handling him

they tell him you are dying in little words

“Pete isn’t going to be around anymore soon”

they say in falsetto tones

they do not let him grieve. they do not let him love.

i do not let the rage boil under my skin

i do not let myself mourn that with your passing he will be taken away as well

it will not help him. it will not help you.

i often can’t understand what my uncle says either, but that’s not new

the wind likes to play tricks on me, tying words into knots before they reach my ears

i am one of the few that treats him like the eldest child he will soon be

he is one of the few that treats me like the child i shall still be for two years yet

so between battles, sitting amongst the corpses of words, we sit in silence,

and we draw

your death is scheduled

it has to be, to harvest what they can from you, to save who they can

there is ceremony to what comes after

they bring the body up, and we walk down the hall with it

doctors and nurses line the halls, giving respect to what we have lost

giving respect to what you have given that will save others

the only sound the whole way is my uncle’s sobs

i don’t know if he hates that it was a child, your child, who was the one comforting him

and so the world ends.

the funeral seems dull in comparison to the honor walk

sure, your family made a scene,

but my mother took the narrative back

and anyway.

by that point the fight was over

your wishes were respected

i had won.

the next day,

we went home.

and we didn’t come out.

and so the world ends.

[blookmallow]

oh ed-e we’re really in it now huh

im miles behind on liveblogs but i am So stuck on what to do rn in new vegas lmao ive hit a wall in like every questline i can find

so. yes man says i should kill mr house. i dont really want to do that. i dont trust him i dont think helping a capitalist dictator to power is the best move here but i dont know if i want to murder him over it, yknow. he has only ever helped me, the worst hes ever done is be kind of condescending and i feel like i might need his support one way or another

i also got a warning saying if i keep talking to yes man the ncr wont like me anymore which i didnt realize was a risk i was taking lmao but ive built a solid reputation over there i dont want to lose that either

mr house wants me to destroy the brotherhood of steel. i did some quests for them and they seem weird and cult-y and i dont really like them but i also think murdering everybody is pretty extreme. they also have a lot of serious weapons so i dont really want them as enemies. and it seems like if they come to power they’re most likely going to oppose the NCR, which makes a legion takeover more likely

and all the groups are pretty complicated politics wise so its a lot to untangle but the one thing i DO want is to burn the legion to the ground im so sick of their assassins and their shitty self righteous attitudes and their misogyny and also, like, they crucify and rape people. and then have the audacity to claim moral superiority and pretend they’re more civilized than everyone else? they need to Go

so ive mostly been siding with the ncr, mostly because they’ve been generally helpful and seem to at least have good intentions buried in red tape and unwillingness to take action. anyway they’re the biggest players against caesar so it seemed wise to make friends with them

but ive done everything i can find for them and haven’t found any more questlines to get at caesar. i dont want to just rush into their camp and try to take out the legion myself,

ive been able to handle things diplomatically for the most part up until now (i fucked up the fiends though. also murdering rapists. so. they dont get to have mercy sorry) but i cant figure out any way forward other than “destroy the brotherhood” or “kill mr house” and i dont want to do either of those. aaaa

im fascinated by the layers of political maneuvering and 5 dimensional chess you can play with in this game but i am also having a very hard time keeping track of it all

i dont want to look up where the questlines lead bc i dont want to just spoil it. :/ :/ im stuck with like 5 different quests in my log that i just Dont want to do

if anyone actually read this let me know if you have any hints/advice on a direction i could go for here lmao. any insight into what i can do to fuck up the legion would be good

[thecoffeelorian]

The Bad Batch: Burn

Title/Series:  Burn/”The New Aftermath” Category: General Word Count: 2,181 AO3:  Link Here Summary:   A tale in which two family members are rescued; one believes themselves to have been abandoned by everyone; four more find themselves at a loss; and the sixth refuses to stand by a moment longer. Inspired by 1x08; various Tumblr posts; and a few narrative promises that the writers seem to have forgotten. Special Tags: @omegathebadbach​

Burn

There's someone new in the medical center today. A very important someone, or so I guess to myself as soon as I hear shouting and running toward the tents. I look up slowly not knowing what to expect, only to see exactly four flashes of red, white, and black rushing at the incoming ship. I start rushing in after them, too, because there's only one reason Hunter would start yelling into his comm like that.

He's coming.

He's coming, and they're bringing him to us. Some more rogue clones who got freed of their chips and who managed to break in and out of Kamino before things got too hot, or so the voices over the lines tell me. I don't need to hear any more than that, though. None of us do. We just know that he's here, and that we need to see him. We're going to see him, and maybe we can also--

"--Stand back! Move away, this one's a security risk!"

What...?

A risk?

No, no, that can't be right. They remembered to take the inhibitor chip out first, didn't they...?

Someone begins forcing us out of the path of the stretcher with a sweep of their arm, Wrecker protests, and three more medics start pushing us all back. They're even setting up barriers now, one on each side leading to the nearest tent. What's going on? Why can't we go to him?

"Hunter...?!"

He doesn't have any answers for me. None of my brothers do. We can only watch in a horrified silence as we finally see him, and--oh no, what's happened? Is it gone? Or do they have to get it out right here instead...?

I don't have much time to look, but I think I see that little white bandage against his brown, weathered skin as they rush past us. I think someone's finally taken it out, which is really, really great, but--but that's not all that I see. That we see.

He's bandaged in at least three places, there's signs of broken bones, and--and we can't see much more than that, but I think we can already guess what happened after we saw each other last. After half of us almost died.

It's so much worse than we thought, and something tells me this is just the beginning.

......

They make us wait outside the tent for what feels like hours, but once the medics give us the go-ahead, we don't waste any time going inside. I don't waste any time, because there's so much I want to tell him, and I'm almost running to his bedside, and there's a big lump of feelings that want to make me hurt from the inside out if I don't decide to share them. Wrecker's got my right hand, Hunter's got my left, and Tech and Echo lead the way just in case anyone needs them to pitch in. A part of me hopes that they don't have to...but then again, none of us knows what we'll be seeing in there. We'll just have to be ready, no matter what.

"Cross...? Are you awake?"

Hunter's the first to speak up, a soft question sent out to try and get this reunion going. He's been worried about everyone lately, so the fact that we're all out of the Empire's reach--at least at this moment--must have brought him some relief. I squeeze his hand just a little to reassure us both that nothing bad will happen here. That we can talk this out a lot better than last time, that there won't be any more fighting, and that we can help Crosshair start to get better.

When I lean in a bit closer to try and see his face, though...that's when the smells come. There's the metallic smell of blood and the smoky smell of burns and--oh no, are those the IV drips...? He's hurting. He's hurting so very much, and I can't see his face because he's in a darker corner of the tent, and I really wish I could--

"...Don't act so damned pleased with yourselves."

Oh, no...

His words burn my skin just like the heat of that engine. He knows that I'm here, that I'm standing close by, and that he hates every single minute of it. It takes almost all of my nerve to try and talk back, but just the same, my voice shakes.

"C...Crosshair...?"

One second later, he lets out the coldest laugh I ever heard, and the burning turns to ice.

"So, you do remember me. How comforting..."

Oh, but he's testing me somehow. I can tell by the edge to his voice, and the way he's got to be facing the canvas even though I can't see that much of him. Is he angry at me? Or is he just using me to get to Hunter...? I can't tell. It scares me that I can't tell.

"Do you remember me, though...?"

Just the same, I try. I already know that he's sedated from the color of the drips, so any movements he makes will be a bit slower than normal. I also know that there's one restraint peeking out of the shadows on his right-hand side, so he can't attack. And third...there's no way that anyone else in this camp would let him pick up a weapon just yet. Not when we don't know how he would plan on using it.

"Do you remember how I tried to help you? Or am I another traitor, just like our brother said--"

"Don't. Say. His. Name..."

There's more ice from him, only this time, it feels like it's crumbling down on me from above. He doesn't like how close I've gotten to Wrecker. He might even feel a little, well...jealous of me. At least, that's what this sounds like.

"Why not?!"

Wrecker's not about to take this from him, though, because he's not afraid to take a step closer. I'm going to get a little closer, too, if only to try and keep up with him.

"I'm right here, same as you. I lost myself t' that chip, same as you--"

"--Don't say it, Wrecker--"

"--So what's with the bad mood? You're not the only one here who's had problems--"

"--Shut up, Wrecker--"

"--And you can quit pickin' on the kid, too, she's not the reason you're here--"

"--'Not the reason I'm here'?!"

That's the moment where, no matter how much he's sedated, Crosshair lets his anger down on us like his own brand of explosives...and all five of us flinch.

"You go off on your little joyride around all three Rims, you take her with you and you don't bother looking for me, and now...now you tell me, 'she's not the reason I'm here'?"

More cold laughter from his corner spreads through the entire tent, and we're all feeling its chill. Nobody else dares to speak up. Nobody knows how to...and even if we could, I don't know what in the galaxy we could say that would heal this hurt.

Unfortunately, it sounds like Crosshair's finally done with listening.

"Well...you take a nice, long look at what she's done, and see how much you like her then...! "

He's not done talking to us just yet, though, because the next thing we see--

--Oh no, oh no, oh no no no--

--is the sight of his eyes, once a dark shade of bronze, but they've been burned out--

“--Wrecker, get her out of here, it's too soon--”

--Burned out to a bright chrome, not focusing, not seeing a single thing--

“--ARE YOU PROUD OF HER NOW--”

--and suddenly, there's a lot of screaming and the medics are running back in and--

“--ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELVES? IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED? TO GET RID OF ME AND PUT HER IN MY PLACE?!"

-- Hunter and Wrecker are taking me out of there and I don't know what to do--

“--LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE! WHAT YOU'VE ALL DONE TO ME!"

--I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do--

"RUN AWAY, DAR'VODE! RUN AWAY! RUN LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO!"

--Except hide.

We go off together to hide until his rage finally breaks...but not without hearing all of his curses echo in our minds. Not without feeling the burning go on long after we've walked out of the fire's path.

Run away, dar'vode.

Run away.

Run like you always do.

I hate not knowing how to help.

......

It goes on for about ten minutes more, the howls and curses of a broken man who believes he's got nowhere else to go but down, down into the pit of his own misery with no way of getting out again.

I don't know if he knows that Tech and Echo are still right there with him, desperately trying to get through his walls any way they can...or if he does know they're still there, and just doesn't feel like caring any more. That they're as good as dead to him, if not also the other way around.

I don't know what they must be thinking when the screaming ends, or how they're feeling after it's all over. I don't know if Crosshair pulled out of his restraints, or if they just had to tighten them a bit more. I don't know what to say to Wrecker or Hunter to get them to smile again, or how to keep myself from tearing up. I just know that it's ugly, and that his screaming sputters down into laughing and crying, and that my hands are shaking when there's finally quiet. Everyone else must be shaking on the inside, too, because I see the way they glance at each other when they're all out of the tent.

They hate everything about the Empire now, and I'm right there with them.

I also know that as of five minutes ago, we're lost.

We're stranded on a planet that we might not ever get to leave, because others will be looking for us no matter what.

We still don't have a single credit to our names, and there's probably no more hope of work since we failed our last two missions.

We can't even seem to get along with each other any more, because outside of Crosshair's rage, nobody knows how to find any hope coming from this. Echo won't even look at Hunter any more, Tech looks like he's planning an Imperial murder, Wrecker's about to break down any second, and Hunter himself...oh no, he looks like he wishes it had been him who was taken first, and not Crosshair at all. Maybe...maybe he's thinking of trying to undo everything that happened all on his own, if only to fix things for everyone else with himself as the price paid.

Maybe if the rest of us aren't careful enough in the next few days, he just might try and turn himself in to the Empire if it means saving the rest of this squad. Saving all of his family this time, even if he couldn't do it before. I can guess this from the pained look in his eyes, and I don't like the thought of what this could mean for everyone else.

For good or for bad, I don't think I can just keep standing by and watch my squad hurting like this. Not the ones who have already helped me so much, but also not the one I should have helped twice as much, but didn't. I know this now, even if it took me some time to figure it out. I might not have been the one who forced him to attack his family, but if I don't tell him what I heard before I was also taken off Kamino--that my rescue team was the same one who took him out of harm's way, even if they did have to split into two teams to do it--then I'll be the one who refused to help end this. I'll become the one who stayed silent, and allowed him to hate his squad for the rest of his life...but only if I don't speak up, and fast.

This is exactly what I need to do to fix this, if not to fix the others' problems as well.

So, Crosshair...when we talk again in your tent--and there will be talking, whether you want to hear me out or not--you're going to learn the truth. You're going to know how your brothers really feel about you, how we always planned on getting you out when it was safe enough, and that nobody, nobody, planned to throw you away for my sake.

And once you've listened to me enough--really, really listened--I hope you can find a way to calm that burning fire inside you.

Clone Scout Omega, 19 BBY

[spikeinthepunch]

i dont intend to say this like im putting myself down but when im burnt out or in an extended art block i do often look to what i have done in the past- maybe as a "was i doing something back then that i miss doing now?"

my art has shifted a lot over the years. im sure anyone whos followed for a long time would say so. ive gone through phases and styles and vibes of many kinds and theyre all very different. and theyre all times that sometimes i look back and think "maybe i should do that again". of course i need to avoid getting overwhelmed with the "i want to do this- no this- maybe that-".

But the hardest "change" in my art was probably a year ago when all that stuff happened with wcrp. which i wont reiterate- but it was forced. that was the big thing. and i think its whats hurt now that i have this burn out settling and i am looking at old art. I did hit a burn out last year after wcrp when i quickly dove into other fandoms like half life- i did what i often did, where i overexerted myself from hype and quickly burned out. but then i picked up mcyt which has been going strong for a year after leaving it for many years back.

when i look at whats changed about my art from then to now, i notice one big things, which i felt was obvious (and i deliberately did this)- i was going into that fandom simple. first it was a lot of lineart, no color. then i started adding some one flat color to bodies and sometimes minor effects done with the help of gradient maps. then i started using thicker brushes where i could, knocking out the need for clean details. then i started using the binary pen. i had a few detailed drawings in between but really so much of what i have done has been so simple.

and as i said, i did this on purpose. i got into this right after half life and i knew i was burnt out but i really wanted to draw anyways, so my plan was to do it like that! i wasnt very good with humans either so i didnt want to focus too hard on it anyways. and i certainly have liked this method. i enjoyed finding a way to draw that IS simple and doesnt put a lot of strain on me... it helps me no longer be a perfectionist as much as i used to

but at the same time its taken away some aspects that i liked about my art from 2020-early 2022. which was that i was so much more detailed than ever. my warriors art was very detailed, the designs were intricate, i drew a number of scenes just for the rps i loved, etc. i experimented quite a bit with coloring and shading and i still love a number of looks i tried, and i keep wanting that back. (ex 1, ex 2, ex 3)

interestingly i actually started to simplify that style too, esp as i got deeper into my own rp, and i know full well it was because i was also getting tired. used a lasso tool for markings, used less layers, dropped the texture and using a thin pen brush to make sketchier lines. (from this -> to this)

THE problem with these notes about simplifying stuff is that like. i rush things. i rush them SO much. and this has always been my biggest struggle, and what leads to annoyance with my current art and also to burn out. Burn out, caused by how much i am drawing, because im fast. drawing fast because i want to make content for the fandom i am focused on. art block because im not happy with my art, but im also too impatient to slow down and take my time and REALLY remember and realize what it is i want out of my art!

its a never ending cycle and sorry we're at the end of the post because i dont have a solution lol

[bluemooncove]

It was time for their matches against guild members. Between the three, Seeker was to be the one to go first. That was until that had happened. Now it fell upon Spruce to be the first. She did not need to win, only to impress, but nonetheless she'd become quite nervous. Sassafras was the one who actually knew things about the guild, she had no frame of reference for what she was getting into.

On the outskirts of the square a pair of medical mages stood by. They had been here for the entire tournament so far but had not proven particularly needed. The equipment used in these battles had been wooden training weapons or blunted. Barring a few exceptions. At worst these matches had led to some nasty bruises. Though now that the guild was involved the pair seemed far more alert. It made Spruce nervous.

When she looked back to the sparring grounds she realized a woman was already standing there. She assumed this was her opponent but something seemed strange. Sassafras had made it sound like this guild was made up of experienced and elite adventurers. This girl looked like she was hardly older than they were. A year at best. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

Spruce stepped forward into the square. The sand was hot on her feet. As beautiful as MokuMoku was, the temperature was far different from home. Her new home was going to take getting used to. As she reached her place the other woman began laughing.

"Yahoo! Kept me waiting, huh? I am Phantom, Le Loup IV of Beauty & Beast. I hope you're not as slow on the battlefield. As you are just a hopeful I'll be holding back. Simply appearing before you in the open is handicap enough, but I'll also be limited myself to only these."

Phantom tossed a pair of wooden daggers into the air. As they came down she caught them swiftly enough to use momentum to twirl each around her fingers.

"I call this style Mort par a Thousand Splinters. Do try to keep up."

"Spruce. I've heard of Le Loup Blanc before, his legend echoes even in Jara, it's a true honor to spar with his great granddaughter."

She gave a polite bow. For the first time, Spruce felt convinced by Sassafras's insistence this guild was a big deal.

"That's nice but flattery ain't going to get you anywhere lady."

No signal had been given to start the match but Phantom suddenly rushed forward. Spruce hadn't even returned to a standing position. It took a moment to even realize what had happened. By that time Phantom had already cleared half of the distance between them. Her foot scrambled back, trying to get into a fighting stance. Phantom was too fast, she was right there.

Instinct acted faster than thought. Her arm swung upward as her mind focused. A stream of hot psychic energy followed behind her hand, meeting with one of Phantom's blades and causing it to catch fire. Phantom acted just as swiftly, tossing the wooden blade into the sand where it's burn sputtered out.

The crowd gasped in shock and then began to cheer! It seemed they mistook her esper abilities for magic. They were all rather inexperienced, that wasn't too surprising, but this guild should be more educated on the differences. Her gaze shot to Phantom. A look of dawning realization appeared on the woman's face, followed by a wry smile.

"Now this is getting interesting! Didn't think someone would hold back in the starting rounds. You got me!"

The excitement was heavy in her voice as she sprung forward. She made a swing with her remaining dagger. Spruce blocked it with her forearm. If that hadn't been wood it would have left a nasty cut. Her other arm grabbed at Phantom's collar, pulling her closer. Spruce gritted her teeth, this worked a lot better against the training foes with the big spears than someone with tiny knives.

"Oh come on, still going for the grappler bit? The cat's out of the bag now, miss magician."

Phantom used her own free hand to pull herself closer to Spruce. Once they were face to face she whispered:

"It's not like any of them know what magic does and doesn't look like, so go all out. I'll improve your performance."

She struck Spruce's chest with her wooden dagger hard enough to make her let go. Phantom leaped back about 6 inches.

"If this weren't wood, that'd have been fatal but it is so lets keep going. Like I said, one thousand splinters!"

Phantom paused just long enough to let Spruce regain her footing, for the first time this entire battle. Spruce took a deep breath, her opponent was right they wouldn't realize what ability she was using. This time as Phantom charged it was met with a blast of psionic energy bursting towards her. Phantom juked downwards, letting it graze over her shoulder, but it had thrown her off balance just long enough for Spruce to to rush her in return. Her shoulder met with Phantom's chest and knocked her to the ground.

Phantom caught herself with one hand. Pivoting, she spun to sweep Spruce's legs out from under her with her own. Spruce fell back into the sand as Phantom leapt back to her own feet. She swung her wooden dagger down hard. Spruce rolled to the side then unleashed more mental energy. It struck Phantom's hand and sent her dagger skidding away.

"Good shot but that shit kind of stung. It's way hotter than I was expecting but no burns. Weird, huh?"

Spruce had rose to her feet but Phantom stayed down. Hands upon the ground. Spruce looked at her in confusion. Was this meant to mean it was over? Phantom had lost both of her training daggers. Nobody had announced anything but it also didn't feel right to kick her when she isn't even trying to get up. Suddenly Phantom turned towards her, as she did so she hurled a pile of sand gathered up from the ground at Spruce.

Spruce acted without thinking again, creating a wall of psionic energy to protect her. Except her opponent had anticipated that. In the instant the sand met with the wall the heat seared parts of it into flecks of glass. Spruce found herself buffeted by a barrage of tiny shrapnel.

Earlier Seeker had tried something similar on her opponent. The issue was that she simply charged forward, it had been too predictable. Amid the sand, the psionic barrier, and the glass Spruce had lost sight of her foe. Suddenly she felt a rough force hit her as she was suddenly tackled to the ground by her left side. She hit the sand, yet again, with a thud as Phantom pinned her. Phantom did not actually seem particularly strong, under normal circumstances Spruce probably could've shoved her off but everything that'd just happened left her rather exhausted.

"I'm going to go ahead and call things now, but you've done great! Definitely getting a vote for membership from me and I can guarantee at least two others so you're a shoo-in."

The woman got up and walked away from the square to the cheer of the crowd. As Spruce finally rose to her own feet she was already face to face with Sassafras.

"That was amazing! You used your powers so well, it was incredible!"

"... Yeah."

"Yeah, I guess I did."

[kingocringeracc]

I come again, dropping off my favorite child, seeking fulfillment.

Synopsis, local mentally unhinged man kills his boss in a zombie outbreak.

Please comment. Racc out.

February 14, 2046.

Huntsville, Texas.

I enter the recently reopened huntsville unit, inmates are either clamoring around, or paying no attention to each other, i am given 2 hours of visitation time for my interview with Johnny Arler. Mr. Arler’s eyes are an emerald green, he has a scar on his cheek, and long black hair.

“so your the one whose gonna be interviewing me? I was expecting someone better..”

After a moment of silence, Mr. Adler cackles.

“so, my experiences in the war. Ill tell you about the US collaspe. The riots, my favorite part of that war. It was july 4th 2024, one of the best independence days ive ever had. Austin Texas, the riots where just starting, im part of the crowd watching as these people break into stores, throw molotovs, because, the people found out that the government lied to them, the vaccines didnt work, and this Virus wasnt just another form of rabies, it was an unholy resurrecting zombie virus. So? What did the people do? Burn it all down, Burn the world down if they could. But me? The only thing i wanna do is go to my office, and find my boss, he’s at least a foot smaller than i am, scrawny as hell, and in over his head, and currently boarded up with the higher ups in the place i worked, i wont disclose where i worked for whatever reason, in truth, its not important. On the way inside i see this dude shambling around, holding his hand to his stomach, extremely pale, no one knew what was about to happen to the dude. Looking back on it, its hilarious, people where so caught up in rioting, that they couldnt give a damn about the guy beside him about to collapse and mess up everyones day.”

“Now, i enter the building, i got a crowbar on my back, just strolling around, when i get jumped by a zed on the second floor, the thing didnt know that this entire acocolypse was the exact excuse i needed to take out work stress, and turns out this guy was my coworker from another cubicle, always the workaholic, always the first to take more hours, it was almost like he hated being at home, point being, the dude was annoying, and he pissed me off for a multitude of reasons. I take him by the collar of his neck while he snaps his jaws at me, trying to overpower me. I was the biggest guy in the office, none of the other people at the office bothered to go to the gym but me, so i, pick this zed up, and slam him onto the ground, stomping his skull in before he gets back up for round 2. I keep going up the stairs, my goal is floor ten, the top of the building, its a decent walk. Nothing exciting besides mr. workaholic, i get to the tenth floor, but its all boarded up! I cant get in there, but theres one of those window cleaner things on the ninth floor, and i have a meeting with my boss, so, i swing my crowbar, climb into the cleaner thing, look down, decide that was a bad decision, and start my ascent to the tenth floor, and man, the sight i saw when i got to the window was certainly something. The CEO is chowin down on his assistant, while the rest of the people are cowering in the corner, i see my boss at the same time he sees me, he rushes over to me, screaming at me to let him, and only him, out of there, so, i do. I break the glass, and watch as all the higher ups try and clammer into the basket, even the CEO, they all clammer over each other and end up falling into the crowds below, at some point the building ended up on fire, i dont know how, i dont really care how, my business was almost done.”

“My boss and i get onto the ninth floor, and he brushes off his rescue as if i was ment to do it, his bodyguard or whatever. Yeah, no. i start talking about how funny it is, that i was forced to serve man who i could kill in nature, just so i can earn currency, in order to keep myself. He turns around, all book smarts this guy, he doesnt know what im going on about. So i just make it real simple for him to understand, i swing my crowbar back, taking a crack at his knee like its a louisville slugger. His knee bends to the right, aka, not how its supposed to bend. He lets out a cry as he falls, breaking his glasses and his nose when he hits the ground. He’s bleeding from his nose as the bone from his leg juts out, he’s snivling like the waste of oxygen he is, so i explain to him, that he’s the one i had to serve, when i could kill him in nature like hes a fly, i wrap my hands around his neck and start to squeeze, but the dude was smarter than i thought, dude had a knife on him. He stabs me right here”

Mr. Arler points to the scar on his right cheek

“the blade wasnt long at all, didnt do too much damage to my charming face, all i had to do was bite down on the blade as the life drained from his eyes. I get up, notice the building is just a little bit hotter than before, i notice the smoke coming from below, and i begin my descent, almost tripping in my haste to get to the bottom floor. The situation in the streets has only gotten funnier, the people who were too fed up with themselves, are now getting eaten like a steak by the dude who collapsed, the CEO is still crawling around somewhere, im sure, but its absolute chaos, i walk my way back home, but decide, why should the fun end there? I get into my ford mustang, decide to take it into austin, might as well, do it for fun.”

“i crack open a beer, and drain it quickly as i drive, hitting a few zeds on the side of the road, i think they where zeds at least. But after that, i just decide, the situation in texas is pretty bad, the news says that the situation on the west coast is much better, so i decide, i got gas, lets make the journey. Turns out that was the best thing i could do. After DC, the government and army resettles, im told to settle into some comfy home and start working with economic stuff, not my jam, wasnt my jam in the last life, so, i sneak over to my boss’s house, and give him what i gave my last boss.”

“the military police worked real damn fast, and i got caught too quickly for my taste. My prison life was pretty ok, started a few riots, got switched into a few more prisons. Some military person asked me if i wanted to get off for my crimes and train to fight the zeds, hell no, wasnt too into that, so, here i am, in the huntsville unit.”

I thank Mr. Arler for his time and leave.

[rommahh]

The Moment

{Enjoy this new fic im writing. Ive always loved dad!harry, @harryhoney-bee gave me the courage to write dad!h and so here it is. This is only part 1 so I hope to see some of y'all stick around.}

It was a surreal moment. There was one baby in your arms and another in Harry’s. Two babies. Twin girls. Harry sat beside you in a chair by your bed. He couldn’t stop looking between you and the girls- absolutely enamored.

You were exhausted. Your cheeks were flushed, skin sticky from sweat, but you didn’t notice it. You could only notice the way that your babies cooed as they slept or the way that Harry would subtly wipe tears from his eyes. The silence that surrounded you two was comfortable, warm even.

“Im so proud of you.” Harry whispers when his eyes make it back to you. You start to tear up again. Thinking about the year that you two have had and where you are now with two beautiful bubs laying in your arms- it had been a chaotic year but it paid off in the best ways.

Nine Months Ago

Something was wrong, something was very wrong. It wasn’t like you to get stomach sickness. You would wake up and throw up everyday at the same time for the past three weeks. Since your last period, you’ve recognized some changes. The foods that you love are now the foods that you hate. You can’t go a few minutes without feeling nauseous, something was wrong.

A pregnancy test sat in front of you. It’s bright pink exterior burned your eyes as if to mock you for your actions. You had taken it 15 minutes ago, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at the results. You best friend, Ellie, sat beside you waiting for you to check the results.

"Hon, you've got to check the results." She places a gentle hand on your arm. You nod, but make no move to flip it over. "Would you like me to do it for you? I will."

"Yeah, that would be, that would be, yeah." You couldn't form a full sentence. Ellies fingers wrapped around the non-pee side of the stick and lifted it eye level to her face. She pushed her glasses further up her nose to make sure she was reading correctly.

She clears her throat uncomfortably. "Well."

"Fuck." You burst into tears. This is not how you imagined this to happen. You thought that maybe this was just the college stomach bug but pregnancy? Fucked is what you were feeling.

"Its going to be ok." Ellie was quick to hug you, she cradled your head with her small hand. "You have to tell him you know."

That thought didnt even cross your mind. Harry. The only guy you've ever been involved with. You couldn't even imagine his reaction. Would he be mad? Sad? What would he do?

"I can't right now. I need to be by myself for a second." You tell her. She nods at you before placing a kiss on the top of your head and returning to her room in the sorority house.

It was hard to believe that you could be pregnant. Academics were your main priority. You were building a resume, a resume to build your future and a child would put a wrench in that future.

The room was quiet now that Ellie was gone. The only sound came from the humming of your fan and your pounding heart. Your thoughts were louder than anything. What was anyone going to think of you? Women always get scrutinized for a pregnancy first. If you chooses to exterminate the baby, people will say something. If you puts the baby up for adoption, you're a deadbeat. If you keep the baby, you're a whore.

Out of al the emotions that rushed to you when seeing the pregnancy test, fear was the most evident.

Friday nights on campus were wild. The soccer team just won a very big game and almost every frat was throwing some sort of large party. Ellie really questioned you when you said you wanted to visit Harrys frat party to celebrate with him. She didnt think a party would be most suitable for a probably pregnant woman, but as stubborn as you were, she didnt win that fight.

Harrys frat was the most jam packed with people. People kissed the floor that Harry walked on. He could do no wrong in anyone eyes. Winning the game tonight made him the talk of the town, he was even trending on local twitter.

Ellie led the way through the house, a hand wrapped around your wrist so you didn't get eaten by the crowd. Coming upon Harrys group, Ellie was immediately scooped into her boyfriends arms, Jeremiah. You spotted Harry standing in the corner talking to a few people. Sauntering over to his you caught him by surprise when you wrapped threw yourself into his arms.

"Hi bear." He greets you while wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

"Hi H." You smile up at him. Despite the happiness you felt seeing him tonight there was a knowing feeling in the pit of your stomach.

You and Harry had a difficult relationship to define. Everyone around thought you two were the perfect soulmates. You two just seemed to be made for each other. Harry only lightened up when you were around, his stoic facade melted away whenever you entered the room. There was never an uncomfortable moment where you two couldn't tell each other anything...until now.

Most people didn't really understand why you two weren't officially together but you two knew. School and preprofessional careers meant more to you two than anything. Harry's soccer career was on the rise. He has one foot in the profession but couldn't go any further because of college. His mail was stuffed to the brink with offers from professional leagues who couldn't wait for him to graduate. Harry had a future that was set in stone. You on the other hand, had a been building a resume in business and marketing with a touch of journalism and social media. You have interned at instagram and snapchat- working behind the scenes and front and center. You both were talented beyond your means and because of that, many things came second.

"Congratulations on your win! Knew you guys would win though." You congratulate Harry and his group. They thank you, some thanking you in compliments making Harry tug you further into your side. You had your tightest skinny jeans on with a loose v-neck t-shirt on. You would've worn something tighter but you felt bloated...if that's the right word to use for this situation.

As the night went on with dancing and ridiculous games, the anxiety you felt never diminished. Watching Harry in his element so happy made you nervous at the thought of disturbing it.

The night started to slow down and you and harry were finally in a quiet area with friends.

"Harry can we go to your room to ta-"

"Harry!" An obnoxious voice cuts you off. Harry turns his attention to Olive who had just walked into the door. She wore her tightest dress, boobs spilling out catching everyones attention in the room. Harry apologized to you before walking over to the girl. That sudden burst of confidence disappeared within seconds. Harry deserved a girl like Olive. Arm candy who would keep him fresh in the tabloids. Not you and baby. You didnt want to be the one to hold Harry back from a future with beautiful ladies and freedom. Maybe it was the jealousy that tingled within you watching Harry grasp Olive in a tight hug and not letting her go when they split.

Throwing a look to Ellie, who already saw your unpleasant face from miles away, you waved to the group before leaving. It was weird to watch Harry with other girls, especially Olive. Without a defined relationship, things like this made your emotions array.

Your sorority was only a block down but you only made it a few feet before you heard your voice being called. Harry ran to you with a grin on his face.

"Just gonna leave me without saying goodbye you loser." He grabs you in his arms giving you a bear hug. Your face smushed into his chest prompting you to wrap your arms around him loosely.

"Sorry, just a little tired." You shrug. He leans back away from you to look at your face. He holds your face in his hands smiling down at you. It was hard to not melt into his hands when he gave you his little dimpled smile.

"Why so tired bear?"

You didnt answer, your eyes averting to the side. Harry moved your face so your eyes aligned with his. His brows raised expecting an answer.

Brushing him off, you move back. He looks slightly offended at your demeanor. "Nothing H, I promise."

"Ok, well you know you can tell me anything. I always have time for my bear." He gets close to you, nudging his nose with yours. Both of your eyes fall shut, savoring the moment between each other. A breeze passed around you two, it set the mood. There was a warmth shared- a buzz in the connection that pulled you two closer.

The second your lips melt you felt yourself start to break. Here was the man you were in love with loving you, and you were harboring this secret that could destroy the little relationship that you two had.

The kiss was merely innocent. There was no tongue but moving lips and small pecks. It was you to pull away first.

"Harry-"

"Harry come back in!" For the second time that evening you were interrupted. Olive stood at the door of his frat frantically waving her hands. Harry looked back at you with an apologetic smile.

"Were you going to say something back inside?"

"Uh, no I guess not." It was dumb of you not to say the thing that had been sitting on the tip of your tongue for the past few days.

"Im gonna go back." He pointed with his thumb behind him to the house.

"Yeah, ok." Harry hesitated for a moment. He knew there was something wrong but he didnt say anything. You both didnt say anything.

Eight Months Ago

Nine and a half weeks pregnant. Estimated by your doctor, you were nine and a half weeks pregnant. That plastic test you took weeks ago stood nothing against the actually paperwork your doctor was reading from your blood work and pee.

Ellie and your mother sat next to the bed you lied on. Your shirt tucked underneath your bra as your doctor spread the jelly on your stomach. You couldn’t look at your mother, the lingering disappointment was evident and creating a tension in the room.

The small instrument that the doctor was holding pressed on your stomach. You could only hear the ruffling of the instrument on your stomach through the small scre-

Thump thump thump

A heartbeat was all it took for you to start sobbing. You couldn’t decipher anything on the ultrasound but just the faint sounds of a small heartbeat made you cry. Ellie gripped your hand tight out of excitement. She wiped your tears off with a tissue smiling at you with a large smile.

Your mother remained stoic though you could see the few stray tears on her face. Everyone walked out of the doctors office that day with a stack of ultrasound pictures, your mom paying for the extra despite her unhappiness. The images were blurry, nothing more than black and white blobs but your were connected to the blob. Your little blob of whatever.

Back at your dorm, your mother following you into the room, you throw the ultrasounds haphazardly on your desk. Your mother sat, prim and proper, legs crossed on the small love seat you had placed by your window.

You threw yourself into your bed feeling the soft bed envelope you.

“Careful, you’re not a young college individual anymore, carrying a child now.” You mother muttered disapprovingly. You rolled your eyes.

“Im ok Y/M/N.” It was her turn to roll her eyes.

“It’s mom to you. Now let’s talk about baby daddy. Harry deserves to know.” Your mother never looks up from her magazine as she utters the words to you. You sit up on your bed, placing a hand on your stomach.

“Way to ease into the small talk. I know I have to talk to Harry. Im just scared." You distracted yourself by playing with the throw blanket on the foot of your bed.

"You're already pregnant, nothing more could go wrong from here." Your mother replies sarcastically. There it was. The resentment. Your mother couldn't hide it.

"Ok, im sorry you feel that way."

"I don't feel anyway dear, you're pregnant and in college and you haven't told the father yet so there. Nothing to feel about." She slams the magazine down on the floor so her hands were free to exaggerate her words.

"Why are you acting like this?" You ask in a small voice. You were brought back to the childish space in your head. Growing up your mother was always like this. She demeaned you in a way that brought you back to your childhood years. As a kid you never felt good enough for your mother and her harsh demands. She always expected you to grow up and be the first woman president. You were expected to be prim and proper and wait for marriage to have sex, and now you were pregnant.

"Im not acting in anyway. You have no right to question me. Cant you see what you're doing to me?" Her words swayed you. Had you been that bad of a daughter?

"Im-Im sorry." Your mother huffed, standing from the chair and grabbing her purse.

"Look what you've done, made my blood pressure rise. I will see you later." She storms out of your room slamming the door behind her. She had no regard for the fact that you were living in a shared house with your sorority sisters. You hated crying over your mother but you couldn't help it. She manipulates your feelings so she can feel better and it works.

A knock on your door broke you out of your reverie. Scared that it was Harry, you quickly confiscated the ultrasound images from your desk and shoved them into the desk drawer. Behind your door was Harry in fact.

He was a little confused by your lack of interaction with him. It was normal for you two to not communicate much during the week but you at least would text him throughout the day. In his right hand was a bag of clothes for the weekend and in the other hand was a bag of your favorite snacks ranging from cheesy Doritos to a hand picked ziplock bag of blue gummy worms.

When you finally open the door, harry could tell you were crying. You're cheeks were flushed and your eyes had a slight puff to them.

"Hi bear, what happened?" He walks into your room placing his bags by the door. You closed the door behind him taking in his jean clad legs and school t-shirt. He seemed to be coming back from a class, he had no game tonight.

He sat on the edge of the bed, legs spread to leave a space for you to sit. You slowly move in between his spread legs sitting on his left thigh.

"My mom was here." Was all you said nuzzling your face into his warm neck. His cologne tingled your nose making you snuggle closer to him.

"Im sorry my love." He knew your mom well. She was very present in a negative way in your life. "But its ok, we are gonna have a good weekend. Gonna watch movies, gonna cuddle, gonna do some other stuff..." His voice trails off alluding to the thing that you love to do with Harry. He places soft kisses on your cheek trailing down to your lips. You responded immediately by kissing him back. His hair was gripped between your fingers. He groaned in your mouth at the feeling of your harsh tug.

Before you know it, your on your back underneath Harry consuming the comfort given through pleasure. His gentle thrusts brought subtle tears to your eyes. Harry was above you resting his weight on his elbows as pounded deep within you.

You cradled his face in your hands as he looked down at you from above. He looked at you as if you were the best thing to walk the earth, his home away from home.

"I love you, god I love you." He groaned deeply as you clenched around his length.

"I love you too." You both came, coming apart in each others arms.

After he cleaned the mess between your legs, he lied down beside you, one arm underneath your head and the other lying limp on your side.

"I missed you this week, you went all silent on me." He murmurs. His breath tickles your face. you acknowledge his words but you couldn't form the right words in your head.

"I have- just been a busy week."

Chicken, you were a chicken. You could've said the words that kept you silent this week but you didnt.

"Ok, im sorry this week wasn't treating my baby right." He attacked you with raspberries in you neck making you explode with giggles.

"Stop it!"

"Mmm fine. Brought snacks, lets eat." He moves off of the bed to put his boxers on and throw you your favorite hoodie that sat by your desk. He clambers back in bed with the Doritos, giving you a large grin.

"Yummy." You tell him taking the bag. When the bag opened the aroma of the chips hit your face, your stomach started to coil in discomfort but you brushed it off. You took a chip out of the bag placing it in your mouth. Not even three chews in, your stomach lurched. It was a quick trip to your bathroom as you placed your face in the bowl and released the contents of your stomach.

Harry followed you to the bathroom in shock, confused by your sudden sickness. You could feel his warmth beside you as he rubbed your back.

"Let me get you some medicine, where is it?" His voice was buy your ear by the time you moved your face out of the toilet.

"Its in the second drawer of my desk, pink bottle." He nodded at you before rising to his feet back into your room. The sound of the drawer open made you jump up to your feet as you remembered what sat in that drawer.

"Harry wait-"

It was too late. Harry stood by your desk with the ultrasound pictures in his hands. It suddenly became very cold in the room. Harrys face was pale in color, mouth gaping.

"Harry..."

"What this? Are these Ellie's? Tell me these are Ellie's." The questions poured from his mouth. You could sense the storm coming.

"They're not Ellie's." He almost couldn't hear you. Just like with your mother, you felt as if the ground could swallow you alive.

"Whose are they?" He grits out, jaw clenched. His eyes were watering with tears just like yours. You tried to take a step forward but he took a step back. A sob wracked through your body in heartbreak. "Fuck."

"Harry please."

You tried to reach for him but you were slow. The ultrasound pictures hit the floor in a flurry as Harry furiously pulled on his clothes.

"Why, where, Harry stop." You wailed. There were no words uttered out of his mouth as he stormed out of the room. You could only fall to the floor, for the second time that day you cried. It hurt how hard you were crying. You crawled over to the disheveled ultrasound pictures, clutching them tight to your chest.

It hurt. Today just hurt.

Part 2

[set-phasers-to-whump]

hii there! do you have any whump lists or whump fanfics recommendations for Evan Buckley from 9-1-1?

hi! idk if a whump list exists but i would recommend checking out the whumpapedia, off the top of my head 2x18 and 3x01-03ish come to mind though. i'm an eddie whump man myself but i have read a few buck whump fics, i'll list them for you here (under a readmore bc some of the summaries are super long lol). also just as a disclaimer i read most of these a While ago and my notes on many of them aren't super descriptive so there may be some not very whumpy or not very good fics in here but like. this is what i've got lol. hope you like some of them!

Adrift by myemergence. summary: After Buck and Christopher get swept away in the tsunami, Buck struggles to keep Christopher safe. Buck tries to help as many people as possible and saves countless lives. What happens when he loses Christopher, one of the people in the world that means the most to him and how will he ever explain it to Eddie? ** “Wha-what do you mean he vanished? Where is Christopher now?” Eddie chokes out. Buck reaches out to grab the tent to balance himself. “I-I don’t know, Eds. I’m not going to stop looking. We will find him.” Buck feels the walls closing in around him now, the anxiety that has been swelling in his chest all day threatens to suffocate him and he gasps for air. “You lost him?” Eddie takes a step back, the tears that have been welling in his eyes finally breaking loose.

Another Head Hangs Lowly, Child Is Slowly Taken... and the Violence Causes Silence (Who Are We Mistaken?) by Huntress8611. summary: “Buck, how we doing?” Hen asked, crouching next to him. “Uh, kinda numb,” he grunted. That wasn’t exactly the truth, and his vision swam as Hen inserted two IVs, the pain in his leg getting worse by the second.

Baby Buckaroo by Delilah2040. summary: Buck keeps having nightmares and so he calls the one person he knows he can rely on. Athena comes to the conclusion that her husband must be cheating on her after mysterious phone calls lead Bobby to rush out in the middle of the night.

Before Something Breaks that Cannot be Fixed by jasperthewriter. summary: Five minor injuries, and one hospital visit. Five snapshots into Buck and Eddie's lives and relationship, and one time Eddie almost lost Buck. "Tell Chris I love him, ok Eddie?” “Tell him yourself,” Eddie says shortly. “We’re almost there.” “I love you too.” Buck says.

Better by patrocchilles. summary: When Eddie finally tears his eyes away from the television, his face is twisted almost as if in pain. He meets Buck’s gaze, searching for some kind of answer, and Buck is terrified of what he might find. “Can you explain this to me?” Eddie implores, voice gruff and filled with a desperation that startles Buck. Buck can’t speak, or look away, or even blink. He feels frozen, fear like ice in his veins juxtaposed with the burning sensation in his throat and lungs. It’s getting harder to breathe and he thinks he might be having a panic attack, but he has to say something, because Eddie won’t stop looking at him and he doesn’t know how much more of this deafening silence he can take. “I’m sorry, I-” Buck whispers, and then lowers his voice even further, if it’s even possible, “I didn’t want you to see this.”

Bloodbuzz by Anonymous. summary: Buck may have found Maddie, but he is not all right. So Eddie takes him home. (Coda to 2x13, "Fight or Flight")

Broken Silence by datleggy. summary: combined prompts asking for quiet Buck trying to stay out of everyone's way after the lawsuit--he and Maddie get hurt but he thinks they won't care, because of how they've been treating him lately, so he doesn't say anything, but does request time off, and then comfort ensues!

Catch me when I fall by HaleyBuckley. summary: Missing Evan Buckley scene from 3x03 after Buck finds Eddie at the VA hospital (because the fire fam should have been with him more and taken care of him)

Dunk Tank Duty by datleggy. summary: Prompt: after the lawsuit Buck is alienated. It's summer so the firehouse is hosting a charity event for kids. One attraction is the dunk tank and without thinking Bobby orders Buck to do it What they don't realize is that Buck's not over the tsunami. They all dunk him, Eddie the most, but don't notice. Chris is the one who notices and yells "Stop Daddy Buck's scared! Stop it!" Buck runs to Chris and they cling to each other. Chris and a bunch of kids say "You're all mean!" Cue the devastation.

Falling but already Fallen by DarkFairytale. summary: Buck coughed back to consciousness, choking on the dust and debris that hung thick in the air. The motion jarred his right side; the side he was laying on, the side he’d landed on, and even as the winded pain forced him to curl in on himself until the coughs subsided, the only thought on his mind was Eddie.

First Impressions by Wildspringflower06. summary: “You’ve been ignoring me for nearly a decade Evan you’ll have to grow up eventually.” “I’m not-” Buck started, but quickly lowered his voice, “I’m not ignoring you. I just don’t have time right now, I have to work.” Eddie stood from the couch and started slowly walking towards the stairs, he didn’t like the way his friend was acting, and the older man was setting off all sorts of alarm bells in the back of his mind. “Oh you have to work do you? Big important firefighter that you are.” The man jeered, clearly amused.

Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst by OpheliaPending. summary: It'd been two weeks since anyone had heard from Buck. Then the 118 get on a call and Eddie just about loses his mind.

i thought i lost you by smartbuckley. summary: given from the following prompt: Buck is back with the team but they are giving him the cold shoulder, especially Eddie. Buck just bears it and hopes. What no one knows is that Buck’s lawyer is plotting to take Buck out for not taking the money. He hires people to lure Buck into a trap and it seems to work, everyone thinking Buck was blown to bits or lost some other way. Eddie is beside himself. Athena is on call when she hears and goes on the warpath, pulling of a car matching Buck’s. Guess who’s behind the wheel?

It's Ok Now by datleggy. summary: On his day off, Buck takes Christopher to the doctor--just for a cold, no big deal--until it suddenly might be and Buck is alone and nobody is picking up their phone.

Lay You Down by Pline. summary: Buck is sick and can't be left alone in his feverish state, but everyone is working. Everyone but Athena.

made up my mind i'm (leaving) my baby by ShyAudacity. summary: Somehow, Buck manages to not profess his overwhelming, universe sized crush to the whole city of Los Angeles- or Eddie, for that matter. He keeps his feelings in check; he hangs out with Eddie and Christopher when the two of them are off-shift just enough to make it seem friendly and not like Buck is holding back on the biggest secret he’s ever kept. It’s fine, he tells himself. Eddie has Christopher and half a wife to worry about. I don’t need to jump in giving him more to deal with. He’s got enough on his plate right now as it is. He’ll be fine without me. I got along just fine before I knew him, I can keep doing it now. OR A universe where too much distance between soulmates (after they’ve met) can cause one or both of them to become very ill (especially if one of them is pining or not being honest about their true feelings).

My Stability by autumnchills. summary: After months of surgeries and rehab, Buck has made it back to where he was, something that still amazes the doctors. That all goes down the drain the moment he starts coughing. — Eddie’s POV in 3x01 and how he reacts to Buck coughing up blood.

never just a wave by thisissirius. summary: Buck’s hand is clenching and unfurling against his knee, like he’s not conscious of it, and Eddie reaches across the center console, taking Buck’s hand in his own. He only means to stop the movement in the corner of his eye, but Buck jerks, head snapping up, and he wrenches his hand out from under Eddie’s, breath coming in quick gasps. “Easy,” Eddie says, guilt welling in his chest, trying to keep his attention on the road and on Buck. “I’m sorry.” Buck’s voice cracks when he says, “No, I’m sorry.”

Not Alone by datleggy. summary: Prompt: after the drama with the lawsuit Buck is back but the team are cold and distant or even hostile. Buck tries not to let it get to him but he misses them, especially Eddie who just glares at him. This treatment slowly starts to ware down Buck’s hope that they would all reconcile eventually. It leads to Buck either asking for a transfer or doing something worse. Either way the team, especially Bobby and Eddie realize they let things fester to long. Put as much angst into this as you can!

Not Enough by datleggy. summary: I saw a post- I can't remember where, though, sorry -about the dosed episode and how Bobby hallucinated his daughter and what if Buck had hallucinated something from his past (maybe something not so good?) too and I was just wondering if, whenever you get the chance, you could maybe write a fic based on this, please? (and I know that half the team was drugged along w him, but maybe after they've all sobered, there's some Fire Fam feels and comfort?) absolutely no worries if not! have a good day!

Of Bikes and Concussions by datleggy. summary: Buck gets into an accident on his way to work in the morning, and before he can explain why he's late, he gets thoroughly chewed out and the rest of his day goes way downhill from there.

Snap, Crackle, Pop. by wolfypuppypiles. summary: Eddie pulled his phone out of his pocket, standing to answer its ringing call. “Hey, Buck.” “Dad.” Eddie spun on his heel, smile warming up his chest at his son’s voice. “Hey, buddy. Where’s Buck? You guys having fun?” “We fell.” AKA Buck gets hurt and its Christopher who has to save him

So Open up My Eyes, Tell Me I'm Alive by Huntress8611. summary: “Christopher!” he called, stumbling down the street. “Christopher!”

The Meaning of Family by MadalineGrace. summary: Buck couldn’t help the wince as he caught his reflection in the mirror. The face that stared back at him was pale and drawn, with the only color coming from the red in his cheeks and the dark rings around his eyes. Even his lips were trembling faintly. It was fine. He was fine. He just needed to sleep this off for a few hours and he’d be okay. If only the room would stop spinning and his body could decide on a temperature...

the worth of things by thisissirius. summary: Sitting on the edge of a cot he thinks about going home. It’s probably the best option, but Christopher’s still out there and Buck’s not going to leave him to suffer alone. He’s not. His arm will be fine, he just needs to keep going.

there's a grief that can't be spoken by ShyAudacity. summary: For someone who said he wanted to talk he’s not saying much. After a minute, Bobby finally prompts him. “Buck,” he says, gently. “What was it you wanted to talk about?” Buck looks almost startled when he looks up again- like he forgot Bobby was even in the room with him. It takes Buck another second but he finally says: “…my dad just died.” It comes out more like a question than a statement and Bobby swears that all the air and light leaves the room in a second. That’s not where he expected this conversation to go- not even close. “Oh, God, Buck, I’m- I’m sorry.” OR Buck is having A Bad Day and Bobby is there for him when he needs it.

what if i surrender (and give in) by chthonicheart. summary: “'Hey, man'?” Eddie repeats, and the weight of disbelief in his tone is the only thing that drowns out the latent anger. “Really? Why the hell are you even here, Buck?”

When I'm With You by stellarmeadow. summary: He’d always kind of expected if Buck ran into Abby again it would be a little bit of a train wreck, given the way she’d left, and the way Buck’s emotions tended to run all over the place. He just hadn’t expected it to be an actual train wreck. Buck hadn’t said much after they’d finished up at the site of the wreck. He’d been silent in the truck, staring out the window. They were all exhausted, which meant a quiet ride anyway, which made Buck’s silence easier to miss. Unless you were looking very closely. A soft knock at the front door had him running to answer it before a louder knock followed. He opened the door to find Buck standing on the other side, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans, like a kid who’d missed curfew. “Can I come in?”

Worth the Risk by 8ucky8arnes. summary: [9-1-1 Dispatcher]: 9-1-1 what’s your emergency? [Caller]: Doug…he-he stabbed Buck. He stabbed Evan and he…he’s still in the house. A rewrite of "Fight or Flight" where Buck was stabbed instead of Chimney.

You Won't Ever Be Alone (Coda 3x03) by RavensCAT. summary: Buck tries to tell Eddie he lost his son. Christopher shows up. The lady doesn't trust Eddie and will only give him to Buck. Eddie takes both his boys home and takes care of them.

[copias-thrall]

Fucking one of the ghouls is like a reverse exorcism. You don't want the demon to be out of your body but want them come inside you (:

I adore whatever possessed you to send this ask, dear anon. ;)

*rough sex; vaginal penetration; cunnilingus/fingering; knotting; lots of cum*

It was your first day off in what felt like weeks. There was the influx of new Initiates following that Goore creature’s latest announcement (and hadn’t Imperator been livid he’d done so before Papa IV’s long-awaited—and unprecedented—second album), plus the plans for the autumnal equinox bacchanal were a clusterfuck, and then the whole mishap with the dorms for newly minted Siblings.

There were late nights and early morning—and late nights that turned into early mornings—and at some point you’d just started sleeping in the armchair in the tiny office that was yours. You were eating breakfast at 8pm and dinner at 4am, and at one point you just went outside and used a garden hose to rinse yourself off before getting back into it.

When your assistant had rolled in with her shadows and trundled you off to your room, you’d been irate…but after an actual shower, fresh clothes, and a solid 3hrs of sleep, you’ve come to see the sense in her actions.

You’re still antsy—still full of that anxious energy—and you haven’t seen your Ghoul since the madness started. As you rub your hand between your legs, you realize you know just how you can burn off that excess.

It’s a good thing the two of you have got going—both of you have high-pressure positions within the admin at the Abbey and with Sister Imperator being a micromanager, not a lot of wiggle room for delays or mistakes. A romp in the sheets multiple times a week with no expectations of dinners or dates is exactly what the both of you need to work hard and fuck harder.

And a good, hard fuck is just what you need right now.

You put on a cheap set of lingerie (he likes to rip it off you and you like to be cost effective), dab a bit of Santal 33 on your pressure points and between your breasts, and make your way down to the Ghoul dorms. 

Your heart beats with excited anticipation and your blood quickens with lust the closer you get.

No doubt all the Ghouls can smell it on you as you get a few lascivious winks and howls from the Ghouls and Ghoulehs you pass. But you just toss your hair, do a little twirl, and wink right back.

“I know,” you purr as you continue on your way.

You’re not 3 doors away when the door of his room slams open. His eyes glow low, and his chest heaves—but he makes no move to chase you. He simply tracks your movements as you grow closer, swinging your hips the whole way.

He stiffens as you purposefully brush against him when you slink into his room, and you hum out an Mmm, letting your fingers linger as they trail across his chest. You can feel more than hear the rumble that starts low there.

As soon as you’re in, he slams the door shut and locks it.

“Been too long,” he growls as he pushes his hard bulge into you.

“Has it? I hadn’t noticed,” you tease as you go easily into his touch; his one hand pulls you flush into the heat of him while the claws of the other sink into your hair to reveal your neck to him.

He licks at your pulse point. “Can smell you,” he counters, and then his other hand is pressing in between your legs. “Can feel you,” he pants into your ear.

You cover his hand with yours and show him how you want it as he nips at your delicate skin and sucks bruises into your neck. His cock ruts against your ass in time to your movements, and you suddenly want it in you like, last week.

He rumbles when he smells the spike in your arousal, and you let out an Ah when his hand comes up to tweak at your nipples.

“What do you want?” he asks as his hot breath tickles your ear.

You reach an arm back to sneak a hand up the back of his mask to scritch at the bottom of his horns, and he bites your earlobe.

“I want you to fill me up in more ways than one, Ghoul; I want you to possess my body in the name of the Olde One.”

He snarls and practically vibrates against you.

“The Dark Lord loves a willing body…I will claim you in his name as many times as you desire, Little Human.”

You turn and grab the obscene outline in his pants, and he hisses, his claws digging into your arms through your habit.

“I have the whole night off.”

His mouth finds yours in a crash of spit and teeth, and his hands tug at your habit. Even though you’d love to unzip those tight pants of his, you know if you don’t disrobe yourself, he’ll do it for you—and your habit isn’t cheap.

He still plucks at you as you pull away, but you still manage to get the habit over your head in one piece. Even expecting it, you still gasp when his strong hands tear first your panties and then your bra before you’ve managed to pull your head free from your garments.

And then his hot mouth is sucking on your nipples while his tail slips into your slit.

You let out an “Oh shit,” and you feel him fumble with his pants, and you have half a second to marvel at his coordination before he picks you up by the waist and tosses you onto his nest.

When you land, it’s with a bounce onto your stomach before he pulls you to the edge of the bed. His fangs scrape against your ass enough to sting deliciously and his teeth bite into you hard enough to bruise, but not break the skin. He slaps your ass for good measure before rolling you over by your thighs. 

Giving you a toothy grin, he says, “And let you feel the tongue of Satan’s,” before his forked tongue lolls out and wiggles into your entrance.

“ƨon ibυɒ ƨυmɒϱoɿ ɘt ɘɿivɿɘƨ ɘtɒtɿɘdil ƨɒiɔɒʇ idit ɒɿυɔɘƨ mɒυt mɒiƨɘlɔɔƎ!” you gasp, and your Ghoul growls low.

“Love it when you talk dirty to me,” he rumbles into your soft skin.

“tU ɘnimoႧ ƨon ɒɿɘdil ilodɒib ƨiibiƨni dA…oh…oh!”

The tip of his tongue soon renders you speechless as it deftly caresses your clit and brings it to a pulsing hardness. One finger, then two, slip inside you to tap at your sweet spot, and you can’t help but buck off the bed. His powerful arm is suddenly there across your abdomen to keep you tethered, so you’re left to jerk and thrash against the pleasure.

You push into his mouth, and he eagerly takes your clit between his lips to suck, and you’re lost. Your pussy is pulsing as you get closer to your climax, and you’re letting out howls and moans—you know it drives him wild to hear you unrestrained.

(And he has a reputation to keep.)

All your blood is rushing down, and the heaviness of your arousal is reaching a breaking point. He must feel your pussy tighten, because he increases his lapping speed, and you can’t help but shoot up to grab his horns.

“ThereThereThere…! Oh sweet Lucifer, don't stop!”

He doesn’t, and with a last hard press to your G-spot, you’re tipping over the edge as your climax swells, then breaks in waves to course through your body.

“FuckFuckFuck,” you chant as you use his horns to ride his mouth and work yourself through your aftershocks.

When your blood settles, you moan and flop back on the bed. You’re wet, open, and ready for more.

Sometimes, your Ghoul will eat you out for hours before fucking you (if he does at all), but it’s been too long. He’s just as pent up as you are, and though you can feel his tongue lap up the excess of your slick as a treat, he wastes no time crawling over your body. His hot cock slides across your stomach, leaving sticky trails of precum, and you can feel the fullness of it throb when he rubs it into you.

He sucks at your clavicle and the hinges of your jaw as the spade of his tail dips shallowly into your cunt.

“Yes?” he asks as he presses his cock into your heated skin.

“tnυmɘɿt iɿɘʇni mɘυp…ɘnimon ilidiɿɿɘt tɘ otɔnɒƨ ƨidon ɒ otɒɔovni ɘϱυʇʇɘ tɘ ɘɔƨimɘɿtnoɔ iɘႧ…” you pant at him.

Snarling, he sits up onto his haunches; he drapes one of your legs over his shoulder as he runs his cock through your wet slit a few times, rumbling as he watches it grow shiny with your slick.

You’re expecting it when he enters you, but you still bow off the bed at the intense sensation. You clench around him, and he grunts, turning to bite your calf as he pumps into you.

“Oh fuck, yes!” you cry out. “Fill me to capacity with that thick Ghoul cock. Wanna feel myself stretch around you! Want you to make me feel it, Ghoul!”

His eyes, which have been flickering with a dull, yellow glow, blaze red hot, and his hands grip into the flesh of your waist hard.

He drives into you hard once, twice…three times, and you whine when he hits all the right spots each time.

“Fucking feel that, Little Human?”

“υnɒm itnɘtoq dυƨ ɘɿɒilimυH…ƨitυlɒƨ ænɒmυʜ ƨitƨoʜ!” you moan.

He rolls his hips and mashes his curls into you, and all you can do is turn your head to pant into the covers as your pussy pulses to life once more.

“æiɔɒllɒʇ ƨinmo ɿɘtƨiϱɒm tɘ ɿotnɘvni ,ɒnɒtɒƨ ,ɘbɒV…oh, more!”

“You want it?” he growls as he snaps hard into you, skin slapping against skin.

“Yes! ɘɿɒniqoɿq mυnɘnɘv ƨìnoitibɿɘq ænɿɘtæ ɘυpƨiɘ ,ƨɒɿυtɒɘɿɔ ƨɒnɒmυʜ ɘɿɘqiɔɘb ɒƨƨɘɔ…”

“You want me to fill you up and possess you for our Dark Lord?”

“ɘt ƨυmɒɿυibɒ ,ɒɔilodɒib oiϱɘl ƨinmo ,oϱɿƎ!”

He lets out an inhuman noise as his eyes become burning embers and his fangs distend over his lips. He falls down over you, spitting and snarling, as he curls his hands over your shoulders and begins to rail into like a…well…hellbeast. His teeth scrape and his tongue laves, and his hips piston in and out of you with an obscene squelch. 

“ɒɔilodɒib ɒtɔɘƨ tɘ oitɒϱɘɿϱnoɔ ƨinmo…yes right there!” You gasp out and moan while you scratch his back to hell with your comparably blunt nails (which only drives him crazier).

Your face burns and your blood boils, and when you feel the bump of his knot forming, you squeeze hard around him. 

His hips stutter, and he mewls.

“oiϱɘl ƨinmo ,iiɿɒƨɿɘvbɒ ƨilɒnɿɘʇni oiƨɿυɔni ƨinmo ,ƨɒtƨɘtoq ɒɔinɒtɒƨ ƨinmo…oh Lucifer, more!”

“Gonna fill you up,” he snarls as he rolls his hips. “Gonna make you so full it leaks out around my knot and I can fuck you with it round and hard.” 

“Fucking fill me up so hard it comes out my mouth!” you scream.

“Gonna keep it swollen all night so I can tip you over and drink it out of you in the morning.”

“ƨυtiɿiqƨ ƨυbnυmmi ƨinmo ,ɘt ƨυmɒziɔɿoxƎ!”

Your Ghoul lets out a keening howl as he raises himself up onto his arms and shoves his knot into you. It’s a familiar sensation, but it still knocks the breath out of you every time, and you punch out all the air in your lungs. He bites hard into your shoulder as he grinds his pulsing knot into you, and the heat swirling in your gut isn’t just the sensation of your approaching orgasm.

He’s jerking around and rubbing himself all over you as he empties his knot into you. You yourself are flailing about and grinding into him—the pressure from his knot on your sweet spot a slow, unrelenting build. You’re gasping for breath as his teeth and claws light up your sensitive skin. The low whine from your throat has him moaning, and you feel his knot pulse again.

“Just like that, Little Human.” He grunts and rolls his knot into you. “Gonna keep you lit up all night.”

Your fingers scrabble first at his back, then slam down into the sheets as your climax hurtles toward you like a runaway freight train. When you cum again—your body jerking, hot with pleasure, and your cunt unable to get away from the exquisite pressure—he just sits up and grips your waist to keep you still.

“Squeeze,” he commands, and you do, clenching your walls as tight as you can against his still rock-hard knot. He twitches, his hips jerking into you as his knot kicks again. He lets out a series of staccato grunts, but his eyes remain fixed on your sweaty face and your rolling eyes.

“Don’t forget, Little Human…” he shifts until the pressure on your G-spot sends swirling sparks behind your eyes and you thrash against the bed. “I possess you until dawn…and we’re just getting started.”

Nema

[avenging-criminal-bones]

After All This Time || Chapter Five

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Word Count: 2,146

Chapter Summary: Anger. And harshness, maybe feelings. I haven't decided yet so I guess you'll have to just read to find out.

CHAPTER WARNINGS: angst?, asshat hotch again, sad feels

A/N: Guys, I'm like legitimately so sorry that this chapter took so long. It's not even that I've been all that busy. I definitely did go to California for two weeks, but after that I think I just got lazy? Had writer's block? I don't know. But New chapter is UP.

TAGLIST:

@kingofthetwats @wanniiieeee @uwu-sebastianstan @piggyinthesea @yoshigguk @thatisthemagic @errorcosplay67 @ivebeenthinkingboutu @big-galaxy-chaos @rynfoxsleeps @phoenixsnape1 @mojofun @pachiibatt @enjoymyloves @thenewnormalforensicator @word-scribbless @zezezena @chelseyjoyce @ellyhotchner @lora21 @flipperpenguins @illegal-brains @sunnysaysbookreviews @anti-zippy-snoot @kya-li

You come to eleven hours later, the first thing that you hear being the steady beep of a monitor.

The hospital.

It smells... white, the cleanness of it making you scrunch your nose. Still not having opened your eyes, you sense the brightness, almost making you not want to at all.

However, you knew how hospital visits work. When Reid was injured, the whole team was there waiting for him to wake up. With that push, that you had people waiting for you to wake up, you opened your eyes.

Everything was too bright at first. You felt your lips fall into a grimace and joked aloud, "You guys don't need to be so quiet, she lives."

There was no response, and as your vision cleared up, the wind was knocked out of you like a punch to the gut.

Empty.

The whole room was empty. Aside from you and the TV, there was no talking. There were no people.

For a moment you thought that you were dead. Or maybe dreaming, because who wakes up from a seemingly severe injury with no support system? With no friends.

You hear your heartbeat speed up before you feel it, but boy do you feel it when it hits.

The monitor must send an alert to the nurses' station or something because shortly after, a small, black-haired woman rushes into the room.

"Agent L/N? Are you alright, is there any-,"

"I just- where- did my- wh-where is my team?" The stutter surprised you and you sat up fast, not realizing how prominent the pain in your abdomen was until it was too late. You let out a soft gasp, but looked at the nurse to hear an answer.

"Oh, uh, honey... I asked as they left and the tall, broody one said that there was an emergency." She walked up to you and turned a dial on your IV machine, gently asking you to lay down again.

You complied, not fully paying attention. Your mind was somewhere else; thinking about the harshness of your team, but you had to assume that this was Hotchner's doing.

"You alright, sweetie," the kind nurse asks, her name is Monica.

You nod slowly, your head feeling a lot lighter than it had when you woke up. "Yeah. I'm okay. Um, before you go can you hand me my phone?"

She nods, looking at you for where, and you gesture to the bag that's slightly out of your reach. Monica hands you both the phone and its charger, pointing to an outlet on the wall behind your head.

Nodding in thanks, you plug the charger into the wall and watch the kind nurse leave before unlocking your phone. You see immediately that you have five missed calls from your mother, and after further searching, you notice messages from Emily, JJ, and Penelope. JJ's was the most recent, so you open hers first.

JJ (BAU) 43 minutes ago.

Hey Y/N, In case you wake up before we get back, Hotch called our debrief meeting, so we all went back to the precinct. Sorry, hon.

xoxo JJ and the Girls

You didn't register the tears until they were falling down your cheeks. You sighed a bit and replied to JJ's message with a short, 'got it'.

As soon as you pushed the 'send' button, the door to your room opened again and your entire team rushed in.

Well, most of the team.

Really, everyone except one person.

You were quick to wipe your eyes, trying to hide the fact that you had been crying. JJ walked to the chair beside your bed and sat down, giving you the most gentle hug as she did.

"Did you get my message? Are you feeling okay? Do you need a nurse, any water?"

"JJ, you're momming her," Derek joked as he bent to give you a hug. "For real though, you feelin' alright, lil mama?"

You nodded, sending him a tight-lipped smile as Emily walked over to the other side of your bed, bringing Penelope with her on a video call.

Spencer even came by, but he looked relatively uncomfortable and stayed by the door.

Waving at him a bit, you say, "You can come in you know. I won't bite."

"I know, Y/N. I was just worried. Statistically speaking, you survived on an off-chance. The ratio was close to 83:17, and the bullet entered your abdomen in-"

"I get it Spence. I should be dead," you pause slightly seeing everyone's wide-eyed look at your bluntness, "BUT I didn't die, so everyone can stop looking at my like I'm going to break and just settle." You chuckle a bit and sigh as you see the rest of the team besides Spencer nod their heads or visibly relax their shoulders.

"You're right, kiddo," Rossi says quietly, "You're okay, and we can celebrate that."

"Thanks, Rossi." Smiling, you lean into his hand, which was cradling the side of your face for a moment. "Can someone get Hotchner please? I had some words that I'd like to have him hear."

JJ places her hand on your arm then and says, "Y/N, maybe that's not the best idea right now."

"No," you shake your head and make eye contact with her, "That's exactly what I need right now."

"Y/N..."

"Spencer, can you go get him please? He's just sitting out in the lobby, correct?" You snap a little harsher than you meant to.

The boy stutters a bit, but eventually nods his head and walks out of the room. The rest of the team shares a look before also walking out, giving you space for when your boss comes in.

Sitting up straighter in the bed, you even your mouth into a thin line just as Hotchner walks in the room.

"Am I off the clock right now, sir?" You don't miss the way his eyes flash to your lips but you choose to ignore it.

He sighs and crosses his arms over his chest, "Say what you need to say, agent."

"Who the hell do you think you are? Calling the debrief not only at a time where one of the team members can't make it, but when the team member is in the hospital with a GSW wound." Your voice rises steadily as you continue talking, but you have more to say. "Not only that, but you couldn't even be bothered to make sure I was okay when the debrief was over?" Subconsciously, you recognize the switch from a third-person mindset to a personal one, but you pay it no mind.

"Agent L/N, you-"

"No. You will call me Y/N, and I will be calling you Aaron. We aren't on the clock right now and you don't deserve my professionalism," the heart monitor spikes in tempo, and you throw the blanket off of your lap.

He quirks an eyebrow at you as you command him, but nods his head slightly, letting you be in control for the moment. "Go ahead, Y/N. You get whatever irrational anger you have towards me out in the open and we can deal with the consequences later."

"I left EVERYTHING for this job, Aaron. I left my mom, who never stopped grieving a lost son, I left my job there thinking this would be better, and I lost friends and people who actually cared about my well-being. People who wouldn't leave one of their own in an unknown hospital to wake up by themself, not sure if they were even actually alive since there wasn't anyone with them." You saw Aaron flinch with everything that you listed, but you didn't care. He needed to hear it. "So yeah, Aaron. I get to be angry, and you don't get to tell me it's irrational, because this is the most rational I think I've been this entire year."

"Y/N. You put not only yourself, but me, and the rest of the team in danger yesterday. Excuse me if I don't want to see you and be around you while you're in the hospital." Really, if burned Aaron to his core that he couldn't reach over and tuck the stray piece of hair behind your ear, because right now that's what he wanted to do. Except it's inappropriate and he's not sure you'd let him within three feet of you.

"NO! You see, that's not how it works. Are you telling me that if you saw a little boy with a gun trained on them, you wouldn't have done the exact same thing?" Hot tears fill your eyes, but you don't wipe them. You almost hope that him seeing you cry will make him feel bad, if even just a little.

Glancing at the way his jaw was set and how he clenched his fists in his lap, you knew he was struggling to keep his cool, so of course you pushed harder.

"What if it was Jack, Aaron."

"Dammit, L/N, it wasn't Jack. It was just some boy that we couldn't save. We shouldn't have been able to save him. You didn't use the training you had, and you didn't use the rational part of your brain. As terrible as that sounds, and trust me, I never want to lose a victim, if you had used the training from the bureau, we wouldn't have saved him. " Aaron stands up and paces the length of the bed then, feeling your eyes following him the whole time.

You shake your head as you let your gaze fall to your lap. "I wasn't going to let him die again... I wouldn't have been able to live with myself."

Aaron's eyebrows furrow a bit and he looks at you with angry curiosity in his eyes, "Again? What do you mean by that?" That's when Hotch remembered earlier when you mentioned her mother who lost a son. "Y/N, did your brother... No. Actually, I'm sorry, just forget I said anything,"

There was a dark anger in your eyes as you shook your head. "No, Aaron. Ask me. Ask me this one question, and then reassess your profiling of me."

His gaze turned steely as he squared his shoulders again, showing no emotion in his voice as he spoke. He almost felt like the best way to approach you right now was as if you were the unsub.

"Was your brother murdered, Y/N?"

Dropping your head, you feel the tears burning in your eyes again and you nod. "He was only five. He had his whole life ahead of him. You'd think a child would be safe with a group of nuns or a priest, but no. Not even them. He was branded with a cross before he was killed and it's just unfair."

Aaron starts to walk closer to your bed, seeing the devolving pattern of your breathing, "Y/n, I'm so sorry, I-"

"No. Aaron, just, please go. I'll catch a flight home when I'm allowed to fly again, so you guys just go home and I'll figure it out. I mean, that's what I did when I was waking up by myself, right? Go ahead and fire me if you need to, suspend me, I don't care anymore, but I'll come back when the hospital says it's safe." You take a deep breath and watch as he turns away.

He gets all the way to the door before he turns back around and says, "What was his name."

"Joey."

Hotch nods and walks out of the door, remembering that the final victim, the one that you saved, was named Joseph.

After the encounter with Hotch you fell asleep. The heavy medication and the anger in your head knocked you out easily. You were asleep for a few hours, but you woke up when your pain medication wore off.

You noticed that your work phone had a few notifications, so you sat up a bit and looked through them.

There were two that stood out to you. The first one was a notification that read "Hotchner (Asshat) has added you to the group 'BAU Team'". The second was his message in that group chat.

Hotchner (Asshat) 2 hours ago

Hey team, change in plans. We will be staying here until Y/N gets cleared to fly. It should only be a couple of days and I know we were planning on flying out tonight. Sorry, Thanks.

As soon as you liked his message, your texts were blowing up from Emily. She was saying stuff about how "he totally likes you", and about, "you had a rough time on this case".

Also, apparently Derek saved all of his sarcasm for when Hotch got back, and the thought made you smile.

[marvel-heaux]

Stay (part 1) - SamBucky - warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, blood, hand wavy biology for super soldiers, hospitals

-

It wasn’t -

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

“God damn it, Buck,” Sam pants, voice breaking, pressing his hand hard against the gaping fucking hole in Bucky’s chest.

It was supposed to be a simple press conference. As simple as they get, at least, when you’re Captain America. He’s not even wearing the fucking suit, for God’s sake. It was just to announce some education initiative, he can’t even remember, and now Bucky’s blood is running hot through his fingers.

“I need a medic!” Sam shouts, the chaos around them nothing but background noise to him. All he can hear is the wet rattle of Bucky’s breathing. “Medic!”

Neither of them had expected trouble - no one had. Least of all one fringe zealot nut job who was convinced Bucky was still working for Hydra and slowly taking down America from the inside.

But one nut job and sawed off shotgun bursting through a crowd is all it takes. Even super soldier healing can’t compete with a close range shot to the chest.

“Sam,” Bucky pants, hand coming up to cover Sam’s on his chest. He’s losing too much blood, the shot too close range. “Sam, look at me. It’s okay.”

The words are barely audible, dark blood leaking from the corner of Bucky’s lips. He’s going pale.

“Shut up, man,” Sam shakes his head, because he can’t. He doesn’t know when tears started burning his eyes, or when his voice got so weak, but he can’t. He can’t entertain that thought, not with so much between them unexplored. Not with so many more nights watching the sun go down in Louisiana to be had. Not when the boys will ask what happened to Uncle Bucky. Not without the mornings and nights together Sam knows they were meant to have “You’ve been a pain in my ass for this long and you’re giving up now?”

Bucky smiles, and when he lifts his hand to Sam’s face it’s shaking.

“You make me so proud,” he says, the words as broken as his breathing. Sam can tell it’s taking everything he has just to speak.

“C’mon, Buck, save it for when we’ve got you stable, alright -”

The medics are rushing over now, Sam can see them pushing through the chaos towards them.

Bucky shakes his head, lungs rattling wetly. His eyes are closing, the blood slowing beneath Sam’s palm.“If I was ever going to get old and grey, I’d want it to be with you.”

Sam makes a broken noise, barely registering the medics swarming them now.

“Then stay, Bucky, c’mon -” he pleads, feeling strong hands pull him away to make room for the medics. “Stay -”

It’s all a blur after that, Sam’s ears ringing as he sees the medics rush Bucky’s limp form into an ambulance. He tries to follow, but his knees go weak.

“- am! Sam, look at me, hey -”

It’s Torres, wide brown eyes worried as he grabs Sam’s face.

“Are you hurt?” He asks, gently tapping his cheek to get his attention.

“No,” Sam rasps. “Bucky -”

“They’re taking him to the hospital, I’ll get you there,” Torres nods, hauling Sam up as best he can. “Come on, Cap.”

-

Sam has paced the length of the hospital hallway at least a hundred times.

The poor nurses have been nothing but patient with him, despite his constant asking for updates.

Mr. Barnes is in surgery, they say. That’s all we know right now.

He talks to Sarah, reassuring her that he’s okay and hiding next to a vending machine when she asks him if he’s okay and he can’t keep it together anymore.

“There’s so much I haven’t said,” he whispers, hand over his eyes as tears roll hot down his cheeks. “Sarah, there’s so much I haven’t said to him.”

Sarah makes a soft noise. “I know, Sam. I know.”

She doesn’t tell him it’s going to be okay, because they both know she can’t promise that. But she listens, and she tells him to call her the moment he hears anything.

Hours go by. Torres brings him coffee, squeezing his shoulder and updating him on the situation at the conference - the man is in custody. Sam wants him dead.

Eventually, Torres falls asleep next to Sam in the waiting room, having adamantly refused to leave. He’s a good kid, Sam thinks. He’d probably have torn his hair out without him here.

Around 3 in the morning, an exhausted looking doctor comes out.

“Mr. Wilson,” he says. “Please come with me.”

Sam is up like a shot, heart pounding as he follows the doctor down the hallway.

“Is he -” he starts, voice catching brokenly before he can finish the sentence.

“He’s alive,” the doctor says, giving Sam a tired smile. “He’s a fighter.”

Sam feels like he might fall down, the sheer relief nearly bringing him to his knees. The doctor steadies him gently, giving him a moment to catch himself before they continue walking.

“His healing factor made the surgery incredibly difficult,” the doctor starts to explain. “Once we gave him transfusions and stabilized the blood loss, his body started metabolizing any anaesthetic we gave him. We couldn’t keep him under long enough to get the shrapnel out without him coming to. Eventually -”

He sighs, looking truly exhausted. Haunted, even.

“Eventually we just had to do it and try to keep him as comfortable as possible. We couldn’t allow him to heal around the shrapnel.”

Sam feels sick, the thought of Bucky awake and in searing pain during surgery as the doctors tried to save his life making him want to throw up or cry.

“Jesus Christ,” he whispers, scrubbing a hand down his face.

They come to a stop on a quiet ward, the door in front of them closed and the blinds drawn.

“He’s stable now, and lucid,” the doctor says. He sighs. “He’s been refusing any more medication. But he’s going to be okay.”

“Thank you,” Sam shakes the doctor’s hand, trying to pour every ounce of gratitude he has into it. The doctor nods, clapping Sam on the shoulder before heading back down the hallway.

Sam let’s out a shaking breath before opening the door to the room. The lighting is soft and dim, the air cool. Bucky is -

Bucky is there, alive and whole, covered in blankets and IV lines. He’s pale and looks like shit, and Sam’s never seen anyone so beautiful in his entire fucking life.

“Took you long enough,” Bucky croaks, eyes barely open. “Had other people to visit?”

Sam can’t even bring himself to say anything, a wet laugh leaving his lips as he strides over to the bed. He sits carefully on the edge next to Bucky, hands hovering above his chest, his arms, his face. He doesn’t know where to start, what to touch, how to make sure this is real and Bucky is alive.

“Know I said I wanted you to talk less, but I didn’t mean it,” Bucky murmurs, grey blue eyes opening a bit more to look at Sam properly.

“You’re such an asshole,” Sam whispers, tears running into his smile. He runs his fingers gently through Bucky’s hair. “If you ever do that to me again, I’m going to kill you myself.”

Bucky smiles, carefully extricating his hand to grip Sam’s.

“Nah,” he murmurs, and it’s easy to see he’s exhausted, body worn out from healing. But he’s still smiling, eyes half lidded and looking up at Sam. “You love me.”

Sam huffs a laugh, shaking his head. He leans down and presses a soft kiss to Bucky’s forehead.

“God help me, I do,” he whispers, letting their foreheads rest together. “Now go to sleep. I’ll be here. Ain’t going nowhere.”

Bucky barely nods before he’s out, hand still in Sam’s and breathing steady.

Sam doesn’t move, just watches the steady rise and fall of Bucky’s chest. The sun eventually begins to rise, and Sam has never felt so damn lucky.