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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses · 3 years

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So I (finally!) bought a pair of really good noise cancelling headphones, and it has changed my life! It's the fanciest thing I've bought in years, so to recoup some of the cost, I’ve researched & written a little essay based on my experiences with extreme noise sensitivity.

Hypersensitivity to sound is something I’ve dealt with all of my life, but I only recently found out it's medically known a Hyperacusis. (Please note this is a separate condition from Misophonia.) If you consistently struggle to cope with noise, the info below could be helpful! I’m including a link to my ko-fi, and I will be answering questions in the notes.

(skip to the bottom to read fun facts about my tax return and/or street organs vendettas!)

DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional, this is based solely on my experiences as a patient, and on what I have read and been told by professionals. Please notify me if you have corrections or concerns about accuracy!

BACKGROUND: Sensitivity to sound is a common type of sensory issue. While anyone can experience such issues (most people, for example, might be bothered by loud music in a crowded restaurant), some people are more sensitive than others, to the point it becomes a quality-of-life aka a medical issue.

If you consistently struggle with environmental stimuli that other people aren’t bothered by (background noises, bright lights, certain textures and tastes, etc), to the point it causes daily discomfort or limits the environments you can be in, I recommend reading about Sensory Processing Disorder.

SPD and sound sensitivity are both super common in autistic folks (like me!), but allistic (non-autistic) people can experience them too. Weep, ye prisoners of mortal coil, for none are safe, nothing sacred, not in this thy most accursed tomb of human flesh!

Anyway.

SOUND SENSITIVITY or HYPERACUSIS: Noise issues are particularly difficult to navigate in a world that is increasingly...noisy. The relatively new phenomenon of constant overhead music in restaurants, grocery stores, shopping malls etc—all of this means that public spaces are increasingly inaccessible to people with auditory issues.*

As a kid, nothing quite triggered sensory overload/meltdowns for me like the constant exposure to noise I couldn’t control—the background chatter of other kids in the lunchroom, the constant noise in public spaces, being trapped in the car with the radio on.... I had so many fights with my siblings about the car radio, and who got to choose the music.**

But it’s not just loud sounds that are the problem. As an adult who lives alone and works from home***, I’m lucky enough to be able to avoid loud environments most of the time. This does wonders for my general levels of anxiety and discomfort. But even in a mostly controlled environment, I still experience problems. Because part of sound sensitivity is that even normal or quiet sounds can feel loud and intrusive. Here are some “normal” sounds that can cause me discomfort (ranging from annoyance to outright pain, depending on the day):

refrigerator/AC/ceiling lights humming

dishwasher/washing machine noises

ceiling fan making that damn ceiling fan noise

faint sounds of traffic

riding in a car

other people having a normal conversation in the background

someone talking to me in a perfectly normal inside voice

Unfortunately, even in a “controlled” environment, many triggering noises can’t be controlled. And many parts of life can’t be lived in a controlled environment. This presents...some incredibly freaking annoying problems. Luckily there are solutions!

Sorta.

There are sorta some solutions.

They are imperfect, but they help.

TREATMENT: And now I have something rather shame-faced to admit. In all the years of managing my symptoms, it never once occurred to me to see a hearing specialist for my issues with sound. I wasn’t even aware that treatment options exist, because none of my other doctors mentioned it. Instead, I’ve spent years finding my own coping mechanisms and tools, with help from therapists and psychiatrists, but without ever consulting an audiologist/ENT. It was only while researching this post that I found out that was even an option, holy shit.

So it turns out I am going to be making an appointment with my local ENT practice. shit.

Apparently treatment options include sound/acoustic therapy, systematic desensitization/exposure therapy, cognitive behavior therapy, sound machines, and other options that I had no idea even existed, goddammit.

MANAGEMENT: In the meantime, here are my current coping mechanisms. I’ve relied rather heavily on hearing protection, which is very useful when used in moderation. Unfortunately, it can cause its own problems: it’s important not to overuse hearing protection, because in the long-term this can increase your sensitivity. So again: a useful tool, but be careful not to overdo it.

With that in mind, here are some of the coping strategies I’ve used over the last decade to manage my symptoms. This is not a perfect system and you should contact your local ENT clinic for better, long-term solutions, but in the meantime here are some tips I use to just get myself through the damn day:

Regularly spending time in a quiet controlled environment, to allow my nervous system to decompress.

Wearing earplugs, (I use two different grade, depending on the level of noise prevention I need), and always carrying an extra pair in case I need them unexpectedly. I bought a 50 pack for $7 and put spares in all my bags and jacket pockets.

(I mostly use Mack’s Ultra Soft, but there are so many types and materials and brands, including foam, silicone, wax, custom moldable etc. Even if you have trouble wearing things in your ears, you might be able to find something comfortable.)

Similarly: hearing protection earmuffs, the kind used in gun ranges and on construction sites. I bought mine online for $10. they look like normal wireless headphones, so I've never gotten comments when wearing mine in public (other than “cool heaphones” bc i added skull glitter stickers).

Sometimes I wear the earmuffs on top of earplugs, when life is just too damn LOUD.

Listening to music w/ earbuds or headphones is a great way to balance out background noises, especially if you can find soothing playlists that help you concentrate. Also useful to put in just one earbud when you need to pay attention in class/at work.

Pro tip: if your hair is long enough you can wear wireless earbuds without anyone knowing.

White noise, rain noises, ocean noises etc can be helpful! Some people like whale songs although personally this activates my primal fear response

Active noise cancelling headphones: the reason I wrote this post to begin with—I finally bought a pair! As in, a really good pair! As in, a depressingly expensive pair with noise cancelling technology that actually WORKS, holy shit. I probably need to wear them a little less at home (bc overprotection causes problems in the longterm) but they have absolutely transformed my ability to go out in public and i never ever want to take these suckers off again please take a power screwdriver and nail these to my head, bury me in the sweet sweet shroud of silence. holy canoli and cream puffs I want to marry form a civil partnership with these headphones. Plus they have a bunch of features, like being able to control the level of noise cancellation, so I can hold a conversation or be aware of some ambient noise for safety reasons.

Oh, and also they play music I guess?

Sorry sorry I promise this post wasn’t supposed to be me shilling for Big Electronics. I’m just excited, I’m an excited flabby little ball of expired flubber. ANC headphones aren’t a perfect solution, and I still sometimes wear earplugs underneath, and I will always be uncomfortable some of the time, but for me it’s been a big step.

Unfortunately the cost of good quality ANC technology means this isn’t an option for everyone, and the (much cheaper) gunshot protection earmuffs I mentioned earlier still provide an impressive amount of protection and bang-for-your buck (maybe even an equal amount of protection, if you can find ones that fit well). But if noise consistently prevents you from enjoying public space and life in general, and you’ve already tried earmuffs & earplugs and find they don’t offer enough comfort/convenience/protection, and if you’re in a position to save up for a one time non-necessity purchase of $150+, noise cancelling headphones are an option to be aware of. (Please always check the return policy so you can try before you buy. I ended up buying and returning 2 pairs before finding what worked best for me. And please look for a retailer that offers an extended warranty. You want those motherforkers to last).

There are cheaper options available, including some under $50. The ones I tried didn't work as well as my hearing protection earmuffs, but some people report good experiences, so that is something to consider. it's always good to know your options! Passive noise canceling is another affordable alternative.

Medication: A final tool in my toolbox, which for me personally has helped as much as every other method combined. Like, a lot, it’s helped a lot. It turns out some anti-anxiety medications can also help sensory issues. There’s not much research on this, and I only discovered it firsthand when a medication my doctor prescribed for anxiety ended up significantly helping my sensory issues. I no longer need medication for anxiety, but my psychiatrist still prescribes that same medication off-label for my sensory stuff. Ask your psychiatrist to research your options (they will probably have to do some digging to find relevant research, but you deserve to know all your options, even the obscure ones). Fyi, the medication I use is in the benzodiazepines class, but there are other options for those concerned about dependency or side effects.

(I'm also told anti-anxiety supplements may be helpful, though I haven't tried this yet. If you're on prescription meds, always talk to your doctor about contraindications before taking anything over-the-counter.)

So there you have it, my main coping strategies for sound sensitivity! They are not a replacement for medical treatment (except that last one which is in fact...medical treatment), but I find them helpful and I hope some of you will too! I’ve struggled for a long time, and I’m very pleased to have reached the point where I can just do things in public. Eating out in loud restaurants? I can do that now, and even enjoy it, holy shit! I can comfortably travel in cars for hours at a time, and walk around shopping malls and grocery stores with overhead music, and, and —and just exist. It is so so freeing, to feel like maybe, after everything, you are actually allowed to just exist in a world that wasn’t really designed for you.

Again, be careful not to overuse hearing protection—the goal is to allow you to be less uncomfortable and to function better, but if you find you are becoming more sensitive to noise, it is time to dial it back a notch. Or maybe consider listening to music (at a reasonable volume) to block out background noise instead.

*(This also includes people with hearing loss and related issues, btw. While that’s not my area of knowledge, I would welcome it if any of my HoH followers want to share their experiences.)

**A sign of sensory issues that parents often miss is when a child complains about music being too loud—but has no problem listening to their own music at high volume. This is because music that is already familiar to the listener (and that the listener enjoys) is much easier for the brain to process, since it knows what pattern of sounds to expect. Loud music that they get to control can be soothing for people with sound issues, especially when it blocks out background noise and sensations. This is why repetitively playing the same songs can be a helpful form of stimming.

***(working on this blog, actually. since it’s my only source of income, my 2020 income tax return literally lists my occupation as ‘Tumblr Blogger.’ Oddly, my parent didn’t feel this achievement was worth including in the holiday family newsletter.)

bonus fun fact: Charles Babbage aka “father of the computer” may have been autistic and hypersensitive to sound. He definitely had a huge problem with public noise pollution, and spent his later year waging a war on street musicians (and organ grinders in particular).

(bc like, yeah. screw organ grinders.)

Sometimes when I’m out in public and the overhead music is particularly unbearable, I’ll take a moment to look up to the sky and scream out: “HE TRIED TO WARN US! THE FATHER OF COMPUTERS TRIED TO WARN US!!! we should have listened, sweet heaven we should have listened!”

except i don’t scream it, i say it very quietly under my breath

(i have issues with noise)

so yeah that is my short essay. and here is the ko-fi goal

k ciao i gotta go pick out glitter stickers for my headphones

#actuallyautistic #not a shitpost #holy shit how did i spend 3 hours writing this what even is my blog #this blog is supposed to be blue whale anxiety and uncomfortably sexy clown jokes #what am i doing #sensory processing disorder #sensory issues #mental health #actually autistic #NOTIFY ME OF ANY TYPOS #i proofread this 5 times my eyes weep an unceasing flood of blood and regret #adhd #actuallyadhd #autism #sensory problems

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helloalycia · 3 years

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secret relationship // wanda maximoff

summary: you're the daughter of the famous Black Widow, which comes with its own set of hurdles such as revealing to her that you're dating the newest Avenger that she also happens to be mentoring – Wanda Maximoff. What could go wrong?

warning/s: minor (implied) violence and injury

author's note: okay so the request was the reader is Natasha's daughter and is struggling to tell Natasha that she's dating Wanda. All I know is I got excited (as usual) and this happened so yeah, enjoy! Also, Wanda’s age is always a mystery to me since it’s interpreted differently with everyone, so I tried my best to explain the age gap between you and natasha so things made sense.

masterlist | wattpad

"Did you know red onion and red cabbage is called 'red' instead of 'purple' because back in the old days, they didn't have enough words for colours so anything purple was defined as red?"

"The mission, Y/N," my mum, Natasha Romanoff, AKA Black Widow, scolded.

I sighed, my attention still focused on my surroundings and my gun directed ahead. "I know, I know. But did you know that the most common internet password is '123456'?"

"Y/N," Wanda, my girlfriend and teammate said with a laugh. "Stop it."

"Yeah, please, quit it," my mum added with an eye roll.

I smiled at Wanda, admiring how beautiful she looked when she hid her laugh. My mum wasn't aware we were dating, so I settled for sending her a playful wink before looking ahead.

I knew I had to focus on the mission – scouting out this abandoned HYDRA den – but it was boring. And it was obviously empty of any threats, so talking was my only pastime.

"Did you know the inventor of Pringles is buried in a Pringles can?" I said after a moment of silence, making my mum stop walking abruptly.

"Okay, you know what? New plan," she said, looking between Wanda and I. "Everyone split up. Take a look around. Stay alert. Keep in contact. Sound good?"

I quirked a brow. "You trying to get rid of me?"

She narrowed her eyes my way. "Yes."

I frowned, making Wanda crack a smile and nudge me in the shoulder.

"You need to learn to have an off button sometimes," she joked, her Sokovian accent shining through despite the voice lessons my mum was giving her. Honestly, I preferred her Sokovian accent to her American one.

"You love it," I teased, giving her a knowing smile, my mother completely unaware of the double meaning.

"Just do as I said," my mum said, already shooing me away. "Wanda, you know what to do. If you see or hear anything suspicious, use your comms."

"Yes, Miss Romanoff," Wanda said obediently, and I tried so hard to hold in laughter at her seriousness. I mean, it was great that she was respectful of my mother and her mentor, but God it was funny to witness.

"Once again, Wanda, you can just call me Nat," my mum said with a wince, trying to be polite. "Go on."

Wanda nodded and walked off, her gun raised as she'd practiced. I grinned at my mum, noticing the way she massaged her temple with mild agitation before her gaze fell to mine.

"Go. Now." She pointed behind me, and I stifled a laugh.

"Bet you love babysitting duty," I joked.

"It's not babysitting if I'm your mother," she pointed out. "Though sometimes, you make me regret not picking the baby instead of you."

"That baby would have been six years old now," I informed her. "If anything, I spared you the whole diaper thing and the outgrowing clothes thing and the– oh yeah! Not being able to speak thing!"

"At least they wouldn't be annoying me with stupid facts," she retorted, hand on her hip. "Now be a good agent and do your job."

I rolled my eyes playfully, knowing she was kidding. Whenever I annoyed her, she'd bring up the story of how it was between twelve year old me and a six-month old baby at the adoption centre. She was worried I'd view her as an older sister or something, hence her choice of adopting the baby instead. But I never did, as she was always way more mature than any twenty-seven year old I'd met or seen at the time. And maybe, I guess, I was really desperate to have a motherly figure, and she just happened to fit the bill.

"Aye, aye, Miss Romanoff," I saluted, making her raise an eyebrow threateningly. "Okay, geez, I'm going."

I wandered off, exploring the dishevelled HYDRA den with full focus. The brief clearly stated it was an abandoned site, but I stayed on alert anyway in case there were stragglers. As usual, I only got given half the facts because of my clearance level, so I knew we were looking for a hard drive, but I had no idea what was on it.

Being a seventeen year old working in S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn't exactly how I saw my life going when I grew up in an orphanage. I honestly never thought I'd get adopted, as rumours spread quite quickly through the orphanage that once you hit double digits, nobody wanted you. So, when the beautiful, red-headed Natasha Romanoff came in, looking for an addition to her family, I felt like the luckiest kid in the world because she chose me of all the kids there.

I definitely didn't expect her to be the Black Widow, nor to teach me everything she knew about espionage, stealth, hand-to-hand combat and much more. She ensured I was multi-lingual like her, preparing me for the many S.H.I.E.L.D. missions I would have to go on. There were times when I absolutely despised her, particularly when she overtrained me or stopped me from seeing my friends. And there were times when I wished she'd never adopted me, hating that I couldn't have a normal teenage experience.

But when it came down to it, I knew I couldn't have asked for a more caring, considerate and compassionate mother. I learnt early on into our relationship that she was unable to have kids of her own, hence her interest in adoption. And honestly speaking? That was probably the worst thing in the world because if anybody deserved a child of their own, it was Natasha Romanoff. I guess, in that sense, I was lucky to have all of her love to myself.

Now that I was older, I came to appreciate how awesome she was, especially when we got to go on missions together and I saw her awesomeness upfront. The only thing was, she was extremely overprotective, so it was difficult to get sent on the dangerous missions. Though, I guess, whenever I did, she was always there to have my back and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Her overprotectiveness was also a reason why she didn't know about Wanda and I's relationship. Wanda had joined the Avengers a year ago after losing her brother in the battle against Ultron. She was a year older than me, so naturally we were drawn to each other, and before I knew it, our friendship became more. But of course, my mother could never know that. At least not yet.

"Empty here," I mumbled, rounding a corner into an empty room. As I looked through the rubbish on the desk, I continued, "Empty here... and here... and oh, look, here, too. What a surprise!"

"Y/N, I love you, but God help me I will kill you if you don't turn your damn mic off," my mother's voice came through my comms piece in my ear.

For once, I wasn't trying to piss her off, so I smiled sheepishly to myself and replied, "Sorry. Love you."

I could imagine the eye roll she was giving me in response, so continued to look around for the hard drive I saw on the brief. Still, there was nothing here.

My searching was interrupted when I heard a loud crash from a nearby room, like the sound of bricks tumbling against one another. I spun around, eyes widening with concern.

"Y/N? Wanda? What happened?" my mum's voice came through my ear, slightly reassuring me as it wasn't her who was caught up in anything. But then that meant–

"Wanda! What happened?" I replied worriedly, already rushing out of the room and to the source of the sound.

"I'm okay," Wanda's shaky voice came through my ear, which did nothing to ease my concern.

I found the room Wanda was in quite quickly, seeing her sat on the floor as if she'd been pushed. She had a deep cut on her forehead and looked visibly distressed. Running to her side, I kneeled down beside her and cupped her face, studying her head.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" The words tumbled from my mouth so quickly I wasn't sure if it was understandable.

She nodded slowly, accepting my hand and holding it for reassurance. I followed her gaze, seeing a hole in the wall ahead, bricks crumbling and dust beginning to settle. Laying on the floor through the hole and into the next room was a HYDRA soldier, clearly dead from the impact of hitting the bricks.

Wanda's power was magnificent, but hard to control. A year later and she was still learning its limits, but sometimes slip-ups like this happened. I was, admittedly, in awe of her actions.

"I'm sorry, I should have kept him alive like Miss Ro– Nat said," Wanda apologised suddenly, and I looked back at her to see her shaking her head. "He just– he startled me and I didn't know what I was doing until it happened. I thought–"

"Don't apologise," I cut her off, squeezing her hand gently, before looking back to the cut on her forehead. "I'm just glad you're okay. You did good."

Despite my words, I bit my lower lip to contain a frown, worried about her cut.

"Damn."

Wanda and I both turned to the doorway to see my mum, who stopped and took in the sight of the hole in the wall with partial surprise and partial amazement.

"Mum, we need to get her back to the quinjet," I said, pulling her attention away from the wall. She approached me as I said, "She needs medical assistance."

I didn't let go of Wanda's hand as I moved to the side for my mum to take a look. Gently guiding Wanda's chin to the side, she took a closer look at the gash on her forehead, expression showing nothing as usual.

"You'll be okay, honey," she reassured, letting go. Her eyes drifted to our connected hands briefly, but I figured she wouldn't piece anything together, so I didn't let go. She continued, "Let's get out of here. There's no hard drive anyway."

Wanda nodded and my mum and I helped her to stand up, me still not letting go of her hand.

"The hard drive is on him," Wanda spoke suddenly, nodding to the dead HYDRA agent. "I heard his thoughts before I– yeah."

My mum raised her brows with surprise. "Oh. Perfect. Y/N get the drive and let's go."

I pursed my lips, glancing at Wanda with concerned eyes. She gave me a small, reassuring smile, squeezing my hand subtly before letting go.

"Right, yeah," I said, swallowing hard.

I looked back to my mum, who seemed to be studying my expression, so I cleared my throat and left to get the drive. When I retrieved it, I jogged after Wanda and my mum, checking in on her with a small smile, before leading the way to the quinjet.

When we boarded the plane, I hung around Wanda and my mum as she helped the brunette to take a seat in the back. I noticed Wanda's momentary dizziness as she sat down and felt my chest tighten.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked, kneeling before her as my mum got the first aid kit.

Wanda gave me an endearing smile as I swiped at the blood dripping down her forehead.

"I'll be alright," she said, holding my gaze with comforting green eyes before they flickered to behind me.

"Okay, Y/N, stop hanging about and start the plane whilst I stitch Wanda up," my mum said, appearing from behind me and kneeling beside me.

I nodded, glancing between the needle, thread and disinfectant in her hands and Wanda's head. Reluctantly, I got up and left them both to it as I started up the plane and got us in the air. Once we were in the clear, I flicked on autopilot before heading back to Wanda and my mum to see how things were going.

"We'll have someone look at it properly when we get back to the tower," my mum was saying to Wanda, who was now stitched up and wearing a small bandage, "but it'll hold up for now." With a playful smile, she added, "You're not dying on me just yet."

Wanda cracked a smile and whilst I appreciated how lovely it was to see their closeness in a way I never usually saw, I was still troubled by her injury. Logically, I knew she'd be okay, but it never felt good to see her injured.

"Plane is on autopilot," I announced, making my presence known. My eyes never left Wanda's bandage as I asked, "Everything okay here?"

"You need to calm down," my mum joked, making me look her way. "It's not that serious. Just some stitches."

I smiled awkwardly, but I knew it was much more than that.

"Yeah, relax, it's not a big deal," Wanda added playfully.

Her eyes met mine and I knew she was communicating the same thing through her gaze, holding a seriousness that wasn't able to be shared verbally because of my mum's presence. I tilted my head, giving her a knowing look; she knew I was aware of how big a deal it was. All I wanted to do was give her a hug and kiss and not leave her side until she felt better. And she knew that.

"I'm gonna go fly the plane," my mum said suddenly, and I almost forgot she was standing there until she spoke up. "We'll get back to base quicker..."

I glanced at her, mildly confused at her sudden change of expression. She headed to the front of the quinjet, leaving Wanda and I alone.

"Seriously though, you should relax," Wanda said, sounding like she did when it was just her and I and nobody else. She had an amused smile on her lips as she watched me worry. "I'm fine. All stitched up."

I licked my lips, sulking, as I dragged myself over to the seat beside her. She laced our fingers together, pressing a kiss to the top of my hand before facing me with an easygoing smile.

"I'm fine," she repeated gently, lovingly, sweetly.

I offered her a small smile, before leaning forward to press a kiss to her bandage. "I know. Just don't worry me like that. Especially in front of my mum. I can't take it."

"It's cute," she noted, amusement returning. "It means a lot to know someone cares."

My shoulders relaxed. "I care too much. So, please don't test that."

She laughed and I felt my heart flutter in my chest, never getting used to the sound.

"I promise not to," she said, looking up at me through her lashes.

I leaned my head on her shoulder and kept ahold of her hand, staying with her until we arrived back at base. My mum flew us the whole way back, only coming to get us once we landed. I knew I should have left Wanda's side as to not raise suspicion with my mum, but I couldn't find it in myself to do so. I just hoped she would interpret it as two concerned friends rather than her daughter having a secret girlfriend.

"You should head to the medical wing to get checked out properly," my mum said once we were back at the tower, looking to Wanda.

"Yeah," I agreed a little too eagerly. "I'll go with you."

My mum gave me a curious look. "I mean, that's not necessary."

Wanda must have sensed my eagerness, as she said, "I'd appreciate the company, actually. I don't mind."

She shot me a subtle smile, eyes bright with reassurance.

"I'm happy to accompany you, Wanda," my mum offered, and I felt my mouth go dry.

"It's okay, mum," I said suddenly, making her look to me with pursed lips. "You can go debrief and I'll make sure Wanda is cool with everything."

Glancing between us, my mum finally nodded. "I see. I guess I'll see you both later then." She paused, looking between us once more, before adding, "You did good today. Both of you."

I looked down to my shoes as Wanda shot her a grateful smile. She walked away, leaving us be, and I immediately intertwined my fingers with Wanda's as the two of us headed to the medical wing.

"You may as well write desperate on your forehead," she teased with a beautiful smile.

"So funny," I said sarcastically, though a smile of my own was present. "Let's just get you checked out."

"If it means you'll stop pouting, then sure."

"Real jokester you are. Hilarious, honestly."

Her laughter surrounded me like a warm hug and I could have listened to it forever.

—

Since our mission together, I noticed the distance my mum was putting between her and I, and I had no idea why. I thought I was overthinking it and seeing things that weren't there, so I didn't follow up with it until one evening.

It was a rare occurrence for all of the Avengers to be at the tower at once, so when they were, we'd all have a 'family' dinner for some normalcy. Only, this time, I noticed how strange my mum was acting whenever I spoke to her. She'd either act super dismissive or give one word answers to my questions – once again, I wasn't sure if I was seeing things.

After dinner, everyone went their separate ways and Wanda and I stayed in the living-area to watch some TV. Though it was playing, the volume was lowered and neither of us were watching it. We were just talking about random stuff and enjoying each other's company.

"Okay, how about this one?" I said to Wanda, turning so I was facing her, a grin on my lips. "What did the clock do when it was hungry?"

As with all of my other attempts at making Wanda laugh, she stared at me with an amused smile and a quirked brow.

"Say it...," I encouraged, motioning for her to speak with my hand.

She sighed. "Okay, what did the clock do when it was hungry?" Mumbling, she added, "Even though clocks don't eat..."

I slapped her leg playfully. "Sshhh, you'll ruin the joke. And the answer is, they go back four seconds!"

Wanda didn't laugh, but she seemed entertained as she hid a smile. "Seriously?"

"Because of the number 'four' and the word 'for'," I explained. "C'mon, that's a good one!"

"D'you think you're funny?" she asked, eyeing me playfully. "Because you're not."

I shrugged, playing it off like I wasn't fussed. "I mean, I don't know about that... how about now?"

Before she could question me, I moved forward and began to tickle her sides, watching as she squirmed with laughter.

"Stop it!" she shouted, but her smile was as wide as ever as she was unable to stifle her laughter. "P-please! Y/N!"

"But you said I wasn't funny!" I retorted with a grin, practically straddling her as she attempted to push me off her. "I'm just checking if you still think that!"

Wanda was crying now, tears escaping the corners of her eyes as she continued to laugh. "I'm s-sorry! Y/N, stop!"

Before I could think how to respond, the doors to the living-area opened and in walked Steve Rogers AKA Captain America, a confused expression on his face as he saw me sat on Wanda.

"Hey, ladies," he greeted, raising an eyebrow. "You both good?"

I pulled my hands away from Wanda and breathed out, still smiling as I glanced down at her. She blew a strand of hair from her eyes and glared at me playfully.

"Yeah, just talking," I answered Steve, before being thrown off Wanda and to the floor with a thud.

"Just Y/N harassing me as usual," Wanda corrected, and I sat up to see her sitting up, too, fixing her hair.

Steve chuckled as he headed to the fridge in the connected kitchen. Wanda helped me back onto the couch, nudging me in the side as a response to the tickle fest, before leaning on me and stretching her legs across the couch.

"So, hey, what's up with you and your mum?" Steve asked as I continued to annoy Wanda by flicking her face.

"What do you mean?" I asked, not looking up as I grinned down at Wanda, watching as her eyes glowed red threateningly.

"Don't make me hurt you," she said teasingly, lifting a hand and summoning her powers, red wisps of energy becoming present.

I stopped flicking her and intertwined her hand in mine, watching as her eyes faded to its usual colour.

"She just seemed distant at dinner," Steve continued.

I looked up and saw he was leaning against the counter with a water bottle in his hand. Wanda continued to stretch, practically on top of me, probably to annoy me as I had been doing with her. I moved her hands out of my face as I nodded to Steve.

"So, you saw it too? She was being off, right?" I asked him, glad I wasn't just imagining things.

He nodded, gulping his water, before saying casually, "Definitely. What did you do? Finally tell her about you and Wanda?"

It took me a second to realise what he'd said, but when I did, my eyes widened and I spluttered out a terrible response. "What– what about Wanda and I?"

I glanced at Wanda as she began to sit up properly. She looked more confused than panicked.

"You know, that you're together," Steve said like it was obvious.

I cleared my throat. "What? Why would you think that?"

Steve smiled with confusion. "Wait, so you're not? But I thought–" He paused, pulling a face. "No, you are! Everybody thinks you are!"

I shrugged it off, though inside I was panicking. "I mean, even if that was the case, why do you think my mum knows?"

Steve nodded knowingly. "She's been off with you all night. And then I caught up with her after dinner and she wasn't in a very talkative mood. Just mumbled something like 'new girl, her age, pretty, nice, should have seen it coming'. I assumed she was talking about Wanda."

Heat crept up my neck with embarrassment and when I looked to Wanda, I saw her cheeks dusting a red colour, similar to the energy she could summon. She looked as flustered as I felt.

"Has your mum been okay with you before today?" Steve asked, trying to be helpful.

I chewed on my lower lip and shook my head. "Not since we got back from our last mission..."

Steve scrunched his face with sympathy. "Oof. You should probably talk to her then. You know how much she hates secrets."

I groaned internally. "Thanks for the reminder."

He saluted playfully, his stupid smile on his stupid face, before leaving Wanda and I alone again.

"Well, looks like she knows," I said to Wanda, sinking into the couch with hopes it would swallow me forever.

"She might not," Wanda tried to make me feel better, resting a hand on my leg. "It could be something else."

I gave her a knowing look. "She has to know. It's the only thing that makes sense. You heard Steve."

Wanda sighed, sinking into the couch beside me. "Yeah..." She glanced at me and I looked at her as she said, "I did tell you to tell her."

I forced a smile. "Gee, Wanda, that was helpful. Thanks."

Wanda rolled her eyes before leaning her head on my shoulder. "Sorry..."

I rested my hand on hers. "It's okay, sorry. I just– she's gonna be really mad that I kept this from her."

"Yeah, why did you do that again?" Wanda asked questioningly.

I massaged the tension between my eyebrows. "Because she's too overprotective. It gets too much to handle sometimes... Take my last boyfriend for example. He was some tool that cheated on me and, oh boy, my mum wanted to kill him. I had to physically restrain her from doing so."

"I don't blame her," Wanda quipped, a hint of bitterness in her voice.

I smiled a little, squeezing her hand. "I know... she ended up slashing his tyres and egging his car without telling me. But instead of egging the outside, she broke into it and egged the inside. A thoughtful take on a classic, I must admit."

Wanda laughed, her whole body shaking with pure amusement as she listened to the story. I couldn't help but smile myself, remembering it like it was yesterday. Definitely a fun time.

"I appreciated it, don't get me wrong," I added, smile fading. "I just didn't want that to happen again. I wanted to enjoy our relationship without anyone spying on us, y'know? But now she's gonna be super angry."

Wanda let go of my hand and rolled on top of me, leaning down on my chest so she could look me in the eyes. I wrapped my arms loosely around her to keep her steady.

"She only wants the best for you," Wanda told me gently. "You have to tell her you're sorry. Explain why you did what you did, but hear her out, too. She's your mum. Caring too much isn't a bad thing."

I groaned, knowing she was right. She smiled reassuringly, patting my chest.

"You get the caring too much thing from her by the way," she added, before leaning forward and pressing a haste kiss to my lips. "It's okay though because I love it."

I smiled, never really seeing it like that. Raising my hand, I brushed my thumb over the small bandage on her head; her injury was still healing, but she didn't let it bother her. Very Wanda-like.

"Thanks," I mumbled, meeting her gaze. "You always say the right thing."

"Which is why I'm going to tell you to get up and go to your mum," she ordered playfully, pushing herself off me and holding out her hand.

I let her pull me up before straightening up and taking a deep breath. Wanda was right. I just needed to be open and explain my piece. It would be fine.

—

So, it wasn't fine.

When I entered my mum's living quarters, she wasn't the happiest to see me. In fact, she actively turned her body to face her TV when I came through the door.

"Hey," I started with a small smile, fighting the nerves in my stomach. "Can we, er, can we talk?"

She grabbed the cushion on the couch next to her, hugging it to her chest. Her eyes didn't leave the TV, but the space next to her was free, so I took that as an opportunity to close the door and sit beside her.

The news was playing on the TV – headlines, I think – and they were talking about a new elected congressman in New York.

"Seriously? The news? Even in your free time?" I asked playfully, hoping it would lighten the mood.

She didn't even glance my way as she muttered, "I like to know what's happening in the world."

Losing my smile, I straightened up and cleared my throat. "Right, right..."

It went quiet as the TV played in the background and my mum said absolutely nothing. I grabbed the other cushion on the couch and hugged it to my chest, similar to her. It was a nervous habit that I picked up from, well, from her.

"You said you wanted to talk?" she reminded me. "So, talk."

Having the Black Widow as your mother wasn't something anyone could get used to. She could be the most caring, loving, protective person in the world, but she could also appear quiet, intimidating and ruthless like the trained assassin she was. Not the greatest combination when trying to open up to her.

"I think I know what you're thinking," I started, pinching my hand to distract from my growing anxiety.

Without hesitation, she bent forward to grab the TV remote and turned it off before turning to me with sad eyes.

"That's where you're wrong," she said calmly, and it was way worse than her yelling. I would have preferred her yelling to be honest. The disappointment in her voice was much worse. "You always assume you know what I'm thinking. What I'm going to say or do."

I avoided her eyes guiltily. "Mum, look, I know that I should have told you the truth. And I know how angry you are, but–"

"I'm not angry, Y/N!" she shouted, finally, standing up off the couch and creating space between us.

I winced. "You sound angry."

She put her hands on her hips, looking down to her feet and taking a breath. Her voice at normal volume, she said, "I'm upset. You– you didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth. Instead, I had to put it together when you acted how you did with Wanda after that mission and..." She paused, sighing. "Forget it."

"No, keep going," I pleaded, the guilt piercing through me sharply. "You're right."

She swallowed hard, glancing at me with glassy eyes. "I wouldn't have done anything. I know I have in the past, but this is Wanda we're talking about. I've been her mentor for a year. I care about her and– and– she's good. And she's good for you."

Okay, I definitely misread this whole thing because now my mum was upset, on the verge of tears, and I was the arsehole responsible for it.

"I'm so sorry," I said, standing up and moving forward to hold her arms. "I should have trusted you. I mean, it wasn't even about trust. I was just scared you'd react badly. But it wrong of me to assume that."

She frowned, looking down to her shoes. "I know I can be tough sometimes, but it's only because I care."

I thought back to Wanda's words and gave her a small smile. "I know. I get it from you."

"I am happy for you, you know," she said, glancing at me petulantly.

My expression softened. "Thank you. That means a lot coming from you."

Without another word, she pulled me in for a motherly hug, making me close my eyes and relax in her arms. I still felt horrible for making her feel like I couldn't trust her when it was anything but that.

"I'm sorry," I repeated quietly into her shoulder.

"I forgive you," she said, before pulling away and giving me a small smile. "Now tell me. You're happy?"

The thought of being with Wanda gave me butterflies and I couldn't help but smile in response. With a nod, I said, "I am."

She nodded, squeezing my shoulders gently before fully letting go. "Good. I'm glad you've got her... I know you can take care of yourself, but she's strong, too. She can look out for you when I'm not around anymore."

I shoved her in the shoulder. "Don't joke about that. She isn't replacing you and you're not going anywhere, you hear me?"

She laughed, nodding. "Not yet anyway. But sure, okay."

I relaxed and gave her a nervous smile. "So, you wanna meet Wanda? Like, as my girlfriend and not your student?"

She rolled her eyes playfully. "If I must."

I smiled widely, grabbing her hand and leading her to the door. "She loves you a lot, y'know. She wanted me to tell you about us as soon as we got together. She hated lying to you."

"Yeah because she knows that lying is wrong," she teased me, making me groan loudly. With a chuckle, she added, "I love her, too. She's definitely something."

"Hell yeah she is," I said in agreement, grinning to my mum as I dragged her to the living-area where I last left Wanda.

On the way, we passed Steve in the hall, who took notice of the smiles on our faces and nodded knowingly.

"Glad to see you worked it out," he said supportively.

"Thanks for the heads up," I told him gratefully as we passed him.

When we reached the living-area, I saw Wanda sat on the couch watching TV. When she saw who entered, she straightened up instantly, moving to stand and unsure what else to say or do. It was cute, the respect she had for my mum.

"Did you– I– She told you?" she stumbled over her words, starting to speak to me but eventually looking to my mum.

My mum glanced at me before meeting Wanda's nervous eyes. "She did."

Wanda licked her lips anxiously. "And you're okay with it...? Angry...? Wanna kill me...?"

I watched my mum, nodding encouragingly to her. She sighed before giving Wanda a small smile.

"No killing will be necessary," she reassured my girlfriend. "Unless, of course, you break my daughter's heart. Then in which case, I may have to find you when you're sleeping."

"Mum!" I complained, face falling into my hands with embarrassment.

"I'm just being truthful," my mum said with seriousness, before looking to Wanda expectantly.

Wanda surprisingly took it well, probably used to my mum's personality after training with her for a year. "I understand completely, Nat and I'll hold you to that. I have no intention of breaking Y/N's heart."

A rare, genuine smile appeared on my mother's lips. "I know you don't. Just–" She paused, glancing at me. "Keep her safe, yeah? She's a bit stupid sometimes."

Wanda laughed as my mum smiled with amusement, like it was an inside joke.

"Right here, you know," I reminded them with a wave of my hand.

They only rolled their eyes.

"I will," Wanda promised my mum. "Thank you for being okay with this."

My mum nodded, giving us both a final smile and once over, before saying, "I'll leave you to it. Goodnight."

Wanda and I bid our goodnights, watching her leave before a giant sigh of relief escaped our lips.

"You feel better?" Wanda asked me, grabbing my hand and tugging me to the couch.

She let me fall on her chest easily, snuggling up to her as she wrapped an arm around me and held me close. I inhaled her perfume, a familiar and comforting scent, as my head rested in the crook of her neck.

"I feel better," I answered, closing my eyes and letting her intertwine our fingers.

"I believe this is the part where you say I was right," she prompted, a hint of amusement in her words.

"Don't make me hurt you," I mumbled, making her laugh quietly beneath me.

"You're lucky I love you," she said, kissing the top of my head. "I guess opposites do attract. You're the stupid one and I'm the clever one."

"Wanda?"

"Yeah?"

"Fuck off."

She laughed again, and even though it was at me, I couldn't help the content smile from spreading on my lips.

#wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff #marvel imagine #mcu imagine #marvel #mcu #scarlet witch #elizabeth olsen

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amberrskiies · 2 years

Text

What the Side Characters Think of Amber :

Diavolo

She's one of the most enthusiastic students I have seen throughout the Exchange Program. She does really well in her classes despite not knowing much in the beginning but she was able to handle it with a few errors. I'm glad she enjoyed staying here in the Devildom with us. Her presence is very welcoming to us all.

I'm glad the brothers are also fond of her ^^

Barbatos

Well she can be pretty childish but she's pretty responsible as well. She seems to enjoy the tea I make or anything for that matter. Sometimes she would bring me different kinds of tea from the Human World and it's nice. I must say she has no reason to feel intimidated by me but I can see where she is coming from since time is a dangerous thing.

I do however feel bad for what happened to her in the past...

Simeon

I find her rather amusing and I'm glad Luke is fond of her as much as I am. She's pretty much into TSL and I'm glad to get a really nice feedback from her about the series. I'm honestly surprised Lucifer likes her presence even though he may show irritation because of her acts but at least things are good. I find her art skills very nice and she's very good at it too.

I wonder what made her passionate for being an artist.

Luke

I really like her! She always hangs out with me whenever I ask her if she wants to join me for baking treats and stuff. Barbatos or Simeon helps us out at times but it's mostly me and her. She's like an older sister to me. Sometimes I wonder if she's an angel in disguise but she told me many times she isn't. I don't really like how she stays with demons and the fact she possibly likes one of them but whatever makes her happy.

Also I like her for not calling me a chihuahua :3

Solomon

She's a very good apprentice of mine. She's pretty eager to learn magic and is a fast learner too. Though I must say she has a lot of questions for me even if she doesn't ask them personally. I mean I guess I piqued her interest a lot more since I am an immortal sorcerer who has 72 demon pacts. Yes I am practically aware of the interesting nickname she gave me as well. Not that I have anything against it.

Also she doesn't have to know why I don't have at least one child even if I had many wives in the past since it's something she shouldn't concern herself with -_-

Thirteen

My Bestie! I love her friendship as much as I love mine with hers. I am glad that I'm her classmate and her friend besides the old man himself. Her smile is enough to make my day along with everyone else's. What makes me surprised is how calmly she handles somethings and how she deals with the Demon Brothers themselves. One time I heard she was trying to drag Leviathan out of his room and the house but failed after a few. She still hasn't given up yet and is pretty determined. It's cute.

Wait people say I look like a lizard-?

Raphael

Oh you mean the Human exchange student? Well before I met her personally, people said she was very enthusiastic, childish at times, smart and responsible. Though when I first met her she didn't show much enthusiasm but she did smile and was happy to meet someone new. I guess you could say, it was nice meeting her for the first time but I don't know much about her but at least we're well acquainted.

She also made me my favorite dish which I'm guessing Luke or Simeon told her about so it's nice of her for making me food :)

Mephistopheles

If I could call her annoying I would but unfortunately I would be lying if I said that. She's pretty much okay in my book. I'll give her points for actually liking the princess Diavolo stickers and all. Apparently she does pranks against Lucifer with Satan and Belphegor? Sounds fun, she should invite me to these so I can see for myself. I would have to say I don't know much other than the usual enthusiasm, smartness and other stuff she is known for but we're well acquainted.

Wait did she seriously say that my hair color reminds her of an eggplant-?

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lizbotw · 4 years

Note

Hiii! Can you write a headcanon or scenario (whichever you're more comfortable with) of how Katsuki, Hawks and Todoroki would comfort their s/o, who is terrified of loud noises, during a thunderstorm. I'm not sure of how many characters you do per request, but if you only do 1 can you choose Katsuki 😅 Thank you~

Bakugou, Hawks, and Todoroki Comforting Their S/O During a Thunderstorm

first request!!! i hope you like it ♡ i did bullet points because i intended to do headcanons to start off simple, but they’re sort of scenario-ish? i think i might turn these into full blown scenarios one day so look out for that ;)

Bakugou Katsuki

It’s the first time you’re staying over at his place and there’s a storm raging outside. What had originally began as a light patter of rain had now turned into a downpour, and things seemed to be taking a turn for the worst as you caught sight of a lightning flash outside. You were bracing yourself for the loud thunder that usually accompanied it.

Somehow you had convinced Katsuki to make a blanket fort with you, taunting him that he probably sucked at it, and of course he had taken the challenge, so now you had an awesome blanket fort to cozy up in.

While you’re getting all comfortable among the blankets and pillows, thinking about what movie the two of should watch, Katsuki was in the kitchen getting snacks.

A sudden crack of thunder caused you to yelp and burrow down into the blankets, and he peeked his head out of the kitchen to see why you had made that noise.

“(Y/N)? What’s wrong? Don’t tell me you knocked down the fort again, I fucking swear to God.” Oops, yeah, you had knocked it down a few times before, but of course he always rebuilt it for you. ♡♡♡

But when you didn’t immediately reply this time, he grew pretty concerned. He pretended to be annoyed that he had to leave the kitchen to come check on you, but secretly he was also really worried, especially once he heard your quiet whimpers the closer he got to the fort.

Cautiously, Katsuki moved one of the blankets that was in his way since it was functioning as the “entrance” to the fort (half expecting you to jump out and surprise him—he had learned after the first time you could not be trusted to not try to prank him), and looked inside, confused by the shaking pile of blankets that had small sobs coming from it.

Eventually he would manage to coax you out enough to tell him what was wrong and once you told him, he would try to play it off as a little silly (after all, he’s used to loud noises from the explosions he’s constantly making so it doesn’t seem as big a deal to him), but you could tell he didn’t really mean it—he just didn’t want to give in so easily to your demands for cuddles.

Just use your puppy eyes on him and his arms will be wrapped around you within seconds, although he’ll be grumbling about how stupid this is and how he can’t believe you made him abandon getting the snacks just for this (all while still pulling you closer to him because he likes your warmth of course).

Somehow he’ll force you let go of him enough that he can finish getting the snacks (he struggled very hard to pull your arms off, but of course this man is stubborn and wants his snacks so you have to agree to this one thing for now), and tells you just to wait for him and stop being so pouty because he’s coming back in literally five minutes (of course the pout is cute to him but like... he can’t let you know that).

When he comes back, you instantly tackle him back into a hug, and you guys stay that way for the rest of the night. He lets you choose the movie, even if it’s some romantic thing he couldn’t care less about, and makes sure it’s something that’ll cheer you up (so probably no horror because as much as he likes when you get scared during them and cling to him, you’re already doing that right now so no need to scare you more).

He’ll pile up more blankets because they’ll muffle the sound of thunder (he says he’s just improving his fort and it’s totally not for your benefit or anything) and turn up the volume for the movie to drown out most of the noise.

He’ll let you bury you face in his chest if you want and playfully cover your ears sometimes to tease you and ask if that helps.

Thunderstorms with Katsuki would involve him allowing lots of physical contact (way more than usual) if that’s what comforts you, him trying to distract you because he’s not too good with offering soothing words so he hopes his actions help, and him grumbling a lot about the whole thing, although you’re used to his attitude since you love him so much, so it’s actually pretty endearing because you can tell he’s really trying.

Plus of course you feel really safe in his arms, especially when he says that if the thunder was a person he’d totally beat their ass for you.

Takami Keigo (Hawks)

“Hey, um, sorry to bother you, but could you come over?” You had called your boyfriend while you were buried under the sheets in your bed, too scared to move and trembling as you waited for the next spine-chilling crack of thunder to erupt.

“Didn’t know you missed me that much, babe.~” You could practically hear Keigo suggestively wiggling his eyebrows over the phone as he purred that.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” you replied exasperatedly, used to his flirting, but unable to keep a playful smile from tugging at your lips, “you know-” You didn’t get to finish your sentence before the sound of thunder filled your ears and you yelped, shrieking into the phone and dropping it out of surprise.

You could hear Keigo’s muffled voice asking if you were okay and you used that to help you find your phone, fumbling around in the sheets where it had gotten lost.

You eventually found it and pressed it back to your ear, wanting to hear his reassuring voice to calm yourself down.

After explaining what had happened, a slight tremor still in your voice, Keigo would immediately agree to come over.

You felt bad about making him go out in the rain just for your benefit but he assured you it was fine because it wasn’t that far, plus it was a “hero’s job” as he put it.

Keigo suggested you stay on the phone with him so he could talk to you to try and help until he got there.

You waited anxiously for him, but it helped a little bit to focus on talking to him on the phone.

When he arrived, he let himself in, since you had given each other keys to your houses so both of you could stop by whenever one of you wanted, and found a shivering pile of blankets on your bed. When he called out for you and you peeked your head over your blanket, he couldn’t help but smile because you looked so cute like that.

Since you guys stay the night with each sometimes, you also had overnight clothes and other things at each other’s place, so he grabbed a pair of comfy pajamas he had left in your room and quickly changed into them so he didn’t get your bed dirty with the clothes he had just been outside with, and climbed into bed next to you, immediately engulfing you in his arms despite your protests.

Cue snuggle fest. ♡

Expect to spend the rest of the night under the covers with him and him refusing to let you go because he wants to protect you. He’ll talk to you throughout the night about any random thing you want, making lighthearted jokes here and there, and pull you closer when he hears the thunder before you can even ask him to, peppering your face with kisses constantly.

Keigo would be down to come over whenever you wanted him to and if the weather forecast that day predicted thunderstorms, expect him to show up at your door ready to spend the night, or even come home to him already on your couch, having let himself in yet again.

We all know how much he loves to have free time from his hero duties so you don’t have to worry about him being too busy to come over, and in fact you’ll probably have to convince him you’ll be fine and that the light rain the news predicted wouldn’t scare you too much (he doesn’t care and will insist he wants to spend time with his baby no matter what though ♡).

Todoroki Shouto

You and Shouto had planned to hang out together today and you invited him over to spend the night. The rain had been light that afternoon, so when he showed up at your door, his hair was lightly dripping with water as he gave you a small, sweet smile, and an umbrella was at his side. He honestly looked really cute like that.

You quickly encouraged him to go take a shower and change into warm clothes so he wouldn’t get sick and he thanked you as he headed off to do just that.

While he was gone, you called up a nearby pizza place to order so you guys would have something to eat since you had a whole bunch of plans for the evening and the jam packed schedule left no time for you guys to waste cooking.

After you did that, you just lounged around waiting for Shouto to come back.

Except the rain started getting harder and you were getting pretty worried.

You went to the window to watch the lightning even though you know there would likely be thunder as well that would scare you, but you just couldn’t seem to tear yourself away from watching the rain pouring down outside. It was like you were torturing yourself, but also you wanted to watch for some strange reason.

Shouto eventually finished up with his shower and got dressed in the clothes he had brought with him in his overnight bag. He walked out of the bathroom with a small towel slung around his shoulders and his hair still a slightly damp with little water droplets on it just as before, except this time it wasn’t the freezing cold rain that was to blame for it. He called out to you, but you didn’t answer, so he walked out into the living room to see if you were busy doing something and just didn’t hear him.

Shouto instantly noticed you nervously peeking out of the window and came up behind you.

“(Y/N)?” He placed a hand on your shoulder to get your attention, but when you jumped out of surprise at his touch, he immediately took his hand away and began apologizing.

You turned around to see who it was and couldn’t help but laugh at his apologetic expression. You told him it was fine with a smile, just that you had gotten a little startled when he accidentally snuck up on you, and when he asked why you had been so on edge, your expression fell a little and you looked down, too embarrassed to look him in the eye.

He gently caressed your face and carefully brought it back up so he could look at you, assuring you that it would be fine no matter what the problem was.

When you told him the reason you were so scared, he smiled, glad it wasn’t anything too serious, and told you that it was nothing to be ashamed of as he led you over to the couch so you guys could cuddle together. Whenever the thunder sounded outside, he would press a kiss to the top of your head or to your forehead and stroke your hair, asking if you were okay.

If he saw you keep glancing over at the window, he would get up and close the blinds so you wouldn’t have to worry about what was going on outside. Plus, you guys had a bunch of games and movies you wanted to get through as part of your sleepover, so he distracted you with those activities, giving you soft smiles and comforting you whenever you needed. He didn’t mind if you wanted to snuggle closer to him or hold his hand, and would rub soothing circles on your back if you were hugging or on the back of your hand if your hands were just resting on top of each other. He would even use his quirk to adjust his body temperature just how you like it.

Definitely expect sleepovers with him to become more common because it was so nice spending time with you just doing mundane, fun things to pass the time, plus you were so cute like this and he loved the feeling of protecting you. Lots of skinship and soft touches as he tries to constantly soothe you and let you know that he was there for you. He would try his best to make sure that one part of each of you was always touching throughout the evening for comfort, even if one of you was just leaning your head on the other’s shoulder, or even just him having his arm around your shoulders as you watched something on T.V. together.

He was getting so attuned to the thunder sounds so that he could be more aware of when he needed to comfort you, since usually he just tried to tune that sort of thing out because it didn’t bother him, that when your doorbell rang and the pizza guy announced his arrival, Shouto actually jumped a little in his seat out of surprise. You giggled at that and he couldn’t head but smile at the sight as he bashfully admitted that maybe he got a little spooked by something so simple. His heart swelled at the sight of seeing you so happy, since you had been trembling in fear just moments before, and he felt warm all over. Even as he volunteered to go get the pizza, and opened the door to take it and pay, he couldn’t stop smiling and felt like he couldn’t get back to you soon enough so you guys could sit down and eat together and go back to talking and playing around.

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laurelnose · 3 years

Note

Very New to your blog and the posts are probably way old but I saw you do Witcher Biology (??) rants sometimes and Id love to hear your take, if you have one, on what monsters (namely "naturally occurring" ones like draconids and insectoids) contribute to the ecosystem if anything and whether or not they should be hunted into extinction. I was discussing it w/ a friend last night after dealing with Iocaste, the last silver basilisk, and now its smthn I'm Invested in

re monster ecosystems: I just figure theyve probably found a niche in the world by now and can eat anything smaller incl. humans but because theyve got no natural predators aside from eachother and arent hunted by anything but witchers , monsters are just breeding and eating and wldnt that damage the land? or have they made their own like, circle of life or whatever ? Ive little knowledge on the subject as a whole but the whole thing intrigues me

hi & extremely belated welcome, anon! my apologies for the length of time you’ve been waiting for this answer; I had to think carefully about how I wanted to respond to this ask, because: there’s a lot going on here. also, because I am a disaster, I ended up posting it to ao3 first while I was avoiding tumblr for a spell and then completely forgot to come back. oops. i’m sorry!! This one’s about 5000 words long, which is a lot for tumblr, so reading on AO3 may be preferable.

The two main thrusts of your first ask (how do monsters interact with the ecosystem and should they be eradicated from the Continent) are questions of invasion ecology, the study of non-native/invasive species and their effects on the environment. Monsters, having arrived on the Continent about 1200 years ago during the Conjunction of Spheres from entirely alien dimensions, are indeed technically non-native species!

However, invasion ecology is…somewhat controversial, to say the least—there are a lot of invasive species, who have a lot of different & complex impacts, and a lot of different ideas about what we might do about any of this, and it’s basically all arguing all the time, so I wasn’t really sure how I wanted to approach the topic. Not to mention that for reasons I couldn’t initially put my finger on, it seemed wrong to apply theories of invasion ecology to the Witcher monsters. We’ll get into it! There are also a couple of common misconceptions/oversimplifications of how ecology works in your second ask which I want to unpack. Hopefully I pulled this together into something that makes sense, and feel free to ask me for clarification!

Some important background facts:

Species have always been moving to and “invading” new places on their own; humans and globalization have accelerated this process into a Big Problem, as the sheer number of invasive species being introduced all over the globe strains ecosystems already under pressure, but “native ranges” are always shifting, sometimes more dramatically than you might expect. If you go far enough back in time, all species are “non-native”.

Because of this, the very definition of “invasive species” is hotly contested. This is why you’ll hear dozens of terms like introduced species, injurious species, naturalized species, non-native species, etc.; these all have slightly different connotations, but all refer to a species that did not originate in a particular location.

An introduced species is usually classified as “invasive” as opposed to “non-native” or “naturalized” if its presence significantly alters the ecosystem it invades; some people define this more narrowly as a species that causes harm to an ecosystem. “Harm” can take a lot of different forms, as every non-native species interacts differently with the ecosystem they were introduced to.

Aside from various potential impacts to human economic activity, most forms of ecological harm by introduced species involve the decline of native species, by a variety of mechanisms; invaders might eat natives, outcompete them for food, interbreed with them, carry novel pathogens, etc. Invasive species are primarily a threat to biodiversity.

Now, here’s my Hot Take:

The Conjunction of Spheres is analogous to real-life ecological cataclysms such as the Cretaceous-Paleogene extinction event, and thus monsters are not invasive species.

The Cretaceous-Paleogene extinction event saw the extinction of 75% of all species on Earth after the Chicxulub asteroid hit, including the non-avian dinosaurs. The Earth has had several disasters like this, of varying severity—the Great Oxidation Event killed almost literally everything on Earth except for the cyanobacteria who caused it. These cataclysmic extinction events completely upended existing ecosystems, altering habitats beyond recognition and leaving swathes of niches emptied of life that the survivors could evolve to exploit.

The most recent Conjunction of Spheres on the Continent is supposed to have thrown everyone living on the planet at the time into chaos and darkness; it wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume that the interpenetration of multiple spheres caused mass extinction of species living in the pre-Conjunction environment, similar to Chicxulub or the GOE!

But Socks, you might say, evolution works on a massive timescale! It took millions of years to fill the niches left open by Chicxulub, but it’s only been 1200 years since the Conjunction of Spheres! And you are absolutely right*, but the Conjunction of Spheres canonically came pre-loaded with new species. We actually have no proof that any of the animals we see originated on the Continent: if humans are a post-Conjunction phenomenon, why not also dogs? Why not bears? Who’s to say any of those were actually there before-hand? (The elves, I guess, but as they have not, actually, said so, there’s no proof!!)

* FTR, 1200 years is a shockingly short period of time to go from cataclysm that plunged the world into darkness and chaos to functioning medieval-era society considering how long it actually took humanity to build 13 century Europe (horses had been domesticated for at least 3000 years by that time), even if we’re not assuming that most of the ecosystem was destroyed, so, my timeline concerns here are minimal, lmfao. TIMELINE WHAT TIMELINE.

…and actually now that I think about it the three options for the origin of dogs are a) elves or dwarves domesticated them, b) humans brought dogs with them during the Conjunction, or c) dogs have existed for less than 1200 years, and I refuse to accept that dogs are practically a new invention in the witcherverse, wtf.

Anyways: we really have no idea which species are truly “native” to the Continent, or what the physical environment was like prior to the Conjunction. While monsters are not native to the Continent, monsters are also not invasive—there cannot be decline of pre-Conjunction biodiversity or harm to the pre-Conjunction ecosystem because there is no pre-Conjunction ecosystem anymore.

should monsters be hunted to extinction?

So, the thing is, I think we should try to eradicate invasive species from non-native ranges if we can; the biggest problem with that is feasibility, not morality. It’s much more difficult than one might think to eradicate an invasive species once it’s established, and we have to be very careful that the methods we choose don’t have other impacts, but invasive species are a huge threat to the biodiversity of Earth! If monsters are invasive species, then the answer is yes, they should be eradicated from the places they are not native to.

(Notably, on Earth this kind of eradication is not the same thing as extinction; it would be a local extinction, or extirpation, where the species is totally wiped out in the places it invaded but still exists in its native range. This does get way more complicated if the invasive is already extinct in its native range.)

However, I have just outlined a possibility that would make it plausible for monsters not to be invasive species. Let me also outline why I prefer this interpretation. Here is a book conversation between the sorcerer Dorregaray of Vole and Geralt:

“Our world is in equilibrium. The annihilation, the killing, of any creatures that inhabit this world upsets that equilibrium. And a lack of equilibrium brings closer extinction; extinction and the end of the world as we know it. … Every species has its own natural enemies, every one is the natural enemy of other species. That also includes humans. The extermination of the natural enemies of humans, which you dedicate yourself to, and which one can begin to observe, threatens the degeneration of the race.”

“Do you know what, sorcerer?” Geralt said, annoyed. “One day, take yourself to a mother whose child has been devoured by a basilisk, and tell her she ought to be glad, because thanks to that the human race has escaped degeneration. See what she says to you.”

–The Bounds of Reason, ch. 6

This is a, uh, incredibly unsubtle reference to a debate that has been ongoing for decades; Geralt’s stance here is one of the key arguments in opposition to wolf and bear reintroduction. What do we do about large predators that may pose a threat to humans? How do we balance preservation of the ecosystem with the safety of people who have to coexist with these predators?

I can’t fully agree with Geralt, because large predators are integral to the ecosystem, which I value for its own sake and because humans depend on healthy ecosystems. But I can’t fully agree with Dorregaray either, because Geralt is right: human life is valuable and worthy of protecting. This is an issue that India has been running into in the past ten years; as their tiger conservation efforts yield fruit, people become more likely to encounter tigers, and thus more likely to have a bad encounter with a tiger. It’s become a political struggle as rural people who have to actually live with the possibility of a tiger attack come into conflict with urban conservationists who just really want to preserve tigers (& in some incidents, some of those conservationists have been Western, which is a whole additional level of fuckery). The fact is, there isn’t a good answer to this yet! We certainly should not drive tigers, wolves, or any other large predator to extinction, but we also have to figure out a way to keep people safe. It’s something humanity still has to wrestle with.

Under this framing, which CDPR reinforced when they chose to have the Count di Salvaress defend Iocaste as an endangered species while making significant provisions to minimize the damage she could do to human life, there’s far too much baggage attached for me to say yes, monsters should be hunted into extinction. If you’re going to make monsters analogous to wolves, of course I do not think we should get rid of monsters entirely!

And frankly, Geralt doesn’t think so either, despite his hardline stance about monsters that eat humans. Sapkowski isn’t exactly an anti-conservationist; though Dorregaray is shown as out of touch in this passage, at another point the narrative sides with him calling Philippa out on exterminating a species of ermine for her fur collar, and it’s consistently put forth that Geralt’s best quality is that he doesn’t want to perform violence for the sake of it or destroy things without cause, and one of the representations of that is that he refuses to kill endangered species even at cost to himself:

“What should I say about you, who rejects a lucrative proposition every other day? You won’t kill hirikkas, because they’re an endangered species, or mecopterans, because they’re harmless, or night spirits, because they’re sweet, or dragons, because your code forbids it.”

–Eternal Flame, ch. 2

If monsters and other post-Conjunction creatures are invasive species, the nuance in this conversation is flattened, and Geralt’s refusal to kill mecopterans and hirikkas becomes a flaw rather than a virtue. Boring! I also think that one of the strongest themes in the witcherverse is the idea of all monsters being human ills; wraiths are manifestations of hatred, necrophages multiply because of human bloodshed, cursed ones are created out of malice, mages like Alzur and Idarran of Ulivo go out of their way to straight-up create monsters from scratch*, etc. Iocaste attacks humans and takes livestock because the traditional prey of the silver basilisk, roe deer, has been extirpated by human destruction of their habitat. The aeschna in Blood of Elves attacks humans because humans have altered and polluted the flow of the Pontar, hunting the aeschna’s previous food (seals) to extinction. The true monster is the actions of humans. Monsters that appeared unbidden from another dimension into a previously functional ecosystem to invade and cause problems undermines this theme; monsters that are integrated into the ecosystem and subject to the same social and ecological forces as other animals supports it.

* Idarran’s “idr” monsters from Season of Storms absolutely should be eradicated. Did the world not have enough man-eating arthropods, Idarran? Did you really have to mutate horrible new ones and release them in populated areas?? Mages are a scourge, lmfao

Additionally, one of the biggest reasons I felt like I couldn’t actually apply invasion ecology to monsters was that, whether you accept my Conjunction theory as sufficient biological justification for this or not, monsters just don’t really behave like invasive species. It’s hard to explain this because the setting is pretty brief about its ecological details, but aside from the fact that the narrative frames them like just part of the ecosystem of the world, there are never any details like “that type of flower doesn’t exist anymore because giant centipede tunneling destroyed the soil they needed to grow in.” When monsters are the aggressors, their victims are always humans, not the environment or other animals, and again monsters are themselves often treated as victims of human actions.

So I say monsters aren’t invasive species!

Which means that monsters are, regardless of their strange origins, now a part of the Continent’s ecosystem just as much as bears and wolves.

So let’s talk monster ecology.

what do monsters contribute to the ecosystem, if anything?

So, the phrase “contributing to the ecosystem” is actually super loaded, and I want to unpack that before we go anywhere else. Ecosystems are made up of organisms, and organisms interact with and impact ecosystems, but they don’t necessarily contribute to ecosystems! The implication of “contribute” is that it is possible for an organism to not contribute, and it follows from there that some organisms are not useful. This is functionally nonsensical, and also dangerous.

Conservationists talk a lot about “intrinsic value,” which in this context is the idea that we should want to keep species around just because their existence is valuable! Biodiversity is intrinsically valuable. This is important, firstly because I do believe that all species are intrinsically valuable, but also: ecosystems are so enormously complicated that we do not know the full extent of any species or individual organism’s impact, and we can’t predict what the consequences of removing any given species might be. Treating all species as intrinsically valuable is hedging our bets. All organisms affect the ecosystem, because it’s impossible for them not to, and while some species definitely have outsize impact, none of them are “not contributing,” and frankly even if some of them weren’t, it would be the absolute height of human arrogance for us to decide we could tell which ones were useless when we barely even know what most species eat. Mosquitoes are the base of the entire goddamn food chain, and you still get assholes claiming they don’t “contribute anything.” Of course, most people don’t really mean all of these implications when they use the phrase, but I don’t find it useful to talk about what species “contribute,” and avoid using that language if I can!

What I assume you mean by “what do monsters contribute” is a combination of “what roles might monsters play in the ecosystem” and “are monsters actively harmful to the ecosystem, i.e. do they cause loss of biodiversity?”

And this is difficult to answer! As I’ve said, I don’t think monsters are invasive species, and thus don’t harm the ecosystem, though we know that monsters can be harmful to humans. However, when it comes to the role they do play in the ecosystem, there isn’t enough in canon for me to do more than wildly speculate! Also, there are so so many of them, and the role of a hirikka is going to be wildly different from that of a draconid.

Just offhandedly, most of the big predatory monsters can be assumed to fill the same roles as Earth’s big predators, one of the big ones being overpopulation of prey species, which has ramifications throughout the ecosystem. Some of them are canonically ecosystem engineers, or animals that physically alter their environment (think beavers); for instance, shaelmaar and nekker tunneling. Additionally, the big insectoid colonies can’t be relying solely on naturally-occurring caves for their homes; they’ve gotta be constructing some stuff themselves. These tunnels can be repurposed as habitat for other organisms, from giant centipedes to sewant mushrooms. Necrophages, like corpse-eaters in our world, likely limit the spread of diseases from decomposing flesh (and really wouldn’t be as much of an issue if everyone would stop, you know, doing war and mass murder, lmfao). Arachasae use tree trunks and organic plant material to conceal themselves, which is likely contributing to plant reproduction in a few different ways—but the arachasae decorating essay is a different topic that I swear I will finish one day oh my god—

…anyways, feel free to ask about any specific monsters or niches if you’re curious, but if I tried to go into detail with every single potential niche/ecosystem service all of the monsters we know of might fill, we would be here all day!

Let’s talk about a couple specific things you brought up in your second ask.

> theyve probably found a niche in the world by now and can eat anything smaller incl. humans

I mean…maybe! That is, yeah, they’ve definitely settled into niches by now, but feeding is way more complicated and interesting than that.

For instance: orcas can eat basically whatever the fuck they want—orcas are fully capable of bringing down everything from fish to seals to gray whales to great white sharks. But they don’t. In the Pacific Northwest, the resident orca pods almost exclusively eat salmon, while the transient pods largely feed on seals. Orcas are kind of an extreme example, but this is something called resource partitioning and it’s a big part of how animals limit competition with one another and what enables lots of predators to coexist in one place!

We see a big fuck-off dragon thing and we assume that it’ll eat anything it can fit in its mouth, and definitely some predators work like that. But just because an animal is technically capable of eating something and deriving nutrition from it doesn’t mean that it will. Silver basilisks made roe deer the staple of their diet before the destruction of beech forests meant they had to turn to humans—which is a pretty specific dietary restriction when there should be multiple species of deer running around, not to mention everything else a draconid could be killing! And given how many types of draconid there are…I have to assume there’s some kind of resource partitioning going on to prevent them all from conflicting with each other! For instance, if basilisks prefer roe deer, maybe forktails prefer wild goats, while wyverns are mostly kleptoparasitic (stealing other predators’ kills).

And of course, not all monsters eat humans at all; harpies steal from and attack humans, so they’re a dangerous nuisance, but they don’t seem to eat them. And in the books Geralt mentions plenty of monsters which are totally harmless.

So yes, there are lots of things monsters could be eating, but it would strongly depend, and there’s a lot of interesting places one can take monster diets! Netflix decided their strigas only eat specific organs, leaving the rest of the body untouche, & I love that for her. More monsters that need a particular kind of nutrition that leads them to take only specific body parts from some kills!

> because theyve got no natural predators aside from each other and arent hunted by anything but witchers, monsters are just breeding and eating and wldnt that damage the land? or have they made their own like, circle of life or whatever ?

Absolutely—invasive species whose populations rapidly increase once they’re away from their natural predators cause the decline of native species, often by eating natives directly or competing with natives for resources. And in fact, even native species who become overpopulated can seriously damage the ecosystem (see: white-tailed deer in the United States, whose overpopulation has such negative ecological effects that some people argue we should classify them as invasive, even though they have definitely been here this whole time).

However, even if we grant that monsters are invasive, it’s a little more complicated than that for a few reasons!

Despite the apparent preponderance of them in the witcher games, most monsters are supposed to be strongly on the decline, like witchers themselves. Geralt’s profession is falling out of necessity; human development of the Continent is going to be the biggest suppressing factor in monster populations in the future. Monster overpopulation is just canonically not a problem in this universe! But even in the scenario where the Inevitable March Of Civilization isn’t threatening monster populations, there are a lot of factors that could and would limit monster populations.

(TL;DR for this next part: yeah I definitely think they’ve figured out their own little circle of life—the term you’re looking for is ecosystem equilibrium, btw!—& I’m going to take the next 1.2k to talk about how.)

For starters, predation is only one among many limiting factors that affect populations & prevent them from ballooning out of control:

food availability: If there’s not enough food, there’s not enough food! It also matters how adaptable the animal’s diet is—silver basilisks moved from deer to humans, but if the eucalyptus went extinct koalas would not switch to eating cycads.

illness and parasites: Some people argue these are more important than direct predation for limiting populations, and I am often inclined to agree. Basically, if a population becomes very dense, illness and parasites spread more quickly, creating a natural limiter on how many animals can live in any one place. The greater susceptibility of some individuals to illness or parasites also winnows down populations. Non-native species often escape a good portion of their native diseases by moving to a new range—however, given how fast bacteria and viruses evolve, 1,200 years is a pretty decent amount of time for new diseases to arise. Also, just going to drop a link to my treatise on monster parasites here. It’s gross, mind the warning at the start of the post.

mate availability: If only a certain percentage of the population is actually able to reproduce, that’ll eventually bring the total number down. RIP Iocaste’s boyfriend 😔

territory/shelter availability: Animals need a certain amount of space and certain types of spaces to survive, and space isn’t infinite! It again depends on how adaptable an animal is; rats find ways to thrive nearly everywhere, but pandas can only live where there’s bamboo. If there’s not enough space to hide from predators, reproduce safely, store food, and avoid adverse weather, the population again limits itself naturally.

natural disasters: Wildfires, drought, flooding, tsunamis, storms, etc. pick off significant portions of wildlife populations. Disasters are sporadic rather than directly linked to population like most of the other factors but these periodic blows to population and the other impacts of fire or flooding are often integral to the ecosystem (see especially: fire regimes and fire ecology.)

Now let’s talk predation & monsters! (Genuinely, I think predation is one of the most interesting things in ecology; people tend to simplify it down to things eat other things, which—yeah, but there’s so much more going on there!)

First, I wouldn’t underestimate the effects of monsters eating other monsters! Even if it’s rare for a draconid to snatch up a nekker and carry it off, the threat of a draconid doing so can have dramatic impacts; researchers found that just playing the sound of dog barks on a beach stopped raccoons from foraging for crabs for over a month after the barking stopped, leading to an increase in crab populations, even though no raccoons ever encountered a dog. This is called the ecosystem of fear (which as a term is metal as hell) and it theorizes that just the fear of predators can lead to chronic stress for prey animals, decreasing reproduction and making them more susceptible to disease. Maybe draconids in Toussaint eat only a few dozen nekkers a year, but that might cause thousands of nekkers to have fewer offspring or fall to disease. When it comes to ecosystems the direct effect is usually only a small part of the story!

Second, when we talk about a species not having natural predators, we’re usually talking about an animal that would have a predator back in its home range—lionfish, for instance, have plenty of predators in their natural range (the Indo-Pacific), but no natural predators in their invasive range (the Caribbean), so invasive lionfish, suddenly freed of a limiting factor, can run amok. However, a great white shark has, aside from orcas (who do not actually eat white sharks, they’re just assholes sometimes) and occasionally other white sharks, more or less no natural predators anywhere once it reaches maturity, and that’s fine! Lack of predation of great white sharks did not cause their populations to explode and consume the ocean. White sharks are limited by other factors.

So: it is possible that wherever draconids originated (and it’s entirely possible that “draconids” came from multiple different places, tbh) there was something bigger that preyed on them, but it’s not unreasonable to assume they were also apex predators in their previous dimension (I mean…look at them), and that adult draconids were never really preyed on by anything else! It isn’t necessarily an issue for there not to be predators of certain monsters on the Continent.

(Though, of course, we also shouldn’t forget that most apex predators are prey when they’re young—baby white sharks are snack-sized for a lot of fishes, and bear cubs and wolf pups are similarly vulnerable. Based on the size of the eggs you see in TW3 draconid nests, a basilisk is hatched around the size of a little dog, which is the perfect size for small, ballsy predators such as wolverines to sneak into a nest and snap them up—predators such as more wolverines or raptors like eagles and hawks might also come directly for the eggs.)

When it comes to smaller monsters such as nekkers, who likely weren’t apex predators in their original dimensions and would thus be subject to that lack of natural predators—there are usually specific reasons why prey species manage to avoid predation in their introduced range. Lionfish confound Caribbean predators because lionfish are covered with huge poisonous spines that Caribbean predators don’t know how to deal with.

Drowners, on the other hand, are basically just man-shaped fish; they don’t have any adaptations or defenses that would really stump a bear or a wolf. Again, bigger monsters are still probably checking the populations of smaller monsters no matter what, but there’s really no reason a bear couldn’t figure out how to eat a drowner! Unless a monster has a unique defense (e.g. scurver spines), is actively distasteful to eat (rotfiends, probably), or is just difficult to take down (nekkers in packs), most of the non-monster predators* on the Continent will have incorporated various monsters into their diet by now, or suppressed monster populations indirectly with the threat of predation or by competing with them for food. It has been over a thousand years, which is nothing evolutionarily but is still a decent period of time for mammals, who pass hunting techniques down to their babies, to figure out how to eat ghouls—especially if we’re considering that the Continent’s mammals may also be a result of the Conjunction and would thus have to have been just as adaptable as the monsters to establish themselves. And I’ve also actually talked before about how wolves specifically might be preying on necrophages!

* For reference, the non-monster predators are, considering the Continent is more or less Europe, most likely lynxes, brown bears/polar bears (in Skellige), wolverines, foxes, badgers, and a variety of large birds of prey.

So—yes, if monsters were truly overpopulating, then that would damage the ecosystem. However, canon tells us they are definitely not doing that, and there are also many factors that would prevent that from happening!

(Though I will say that some of the reasons white-tailed deer are overpopulated are that we got rid of cougars and wolves and human development creates a lot of extra habitat of the type that deer like. Given that we know many of draconids are for sure in significant danger of going extinct, and the trajectory that Europe’s wolf and bear populations followed in real life, it is possible that the Continent will have to contend with an overpopulation of some of the smaller monsters at some point as they continue to try to eradicate the larger predators, both monster and non-monsters—you think the drowner problem is bad now, wait until the bears are gone and city development has tripled the number of sewers. Yet another of those humans-make-monster-problems-worse things I am fond of in the Witcherverse!)

…whew. that was a lot of words. In conclusion: ecology is really cool & there’s a bunch of ways monsters can fit into it!!

#kaer morhen biology of monsters 101 #and a bit of #witcher book blogging #asks #anonymous

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notsolong-pause · 3 years

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ship requests

“Hey 👋 . Can I get a male HP ship (from both eras if possible) pls . Thank u so much ! . So I m a Gryffindor (with a bit of Slytherin ) . In my free time , I would love to read fantasy or sci-fic novels or facts maybe , listen to music , research about anything I want to , do something my parents denied me off maybe . If my friends are available , I'll also go downstairs with them and play . I m not as such interested in sport but I love to play cricket and badminton . My hobbies are dancing , horseriding , reading , researching , cyber and swordfighting (I haven't done it yet tho). I love the trope of fake relationship or enemies to lovers

Next is my personality . Well , I can be shy if I m not comfortable with the person , but if I am then I am very talkative . I don't trust ppl at the beginning until they prove themselves . I m very reliable and trustworthy but I tend to hide my emotions . I like my privacy, I don't even share that with my bestie sometimes . I come off as a rebel and I can get annoyed very easily . I love to organise a room . Everyone comes to me for advice . I also have a very good sense of humour which comes out in front of ppl I'm comfortable (they say I never used to fail to surprise them with my hidden qualities) . I m also quite modest . I m a risk-taker and I always stand up to my friends , I also have their back sometimes . I can also be a bully to my enemies or my friend's enemies but only if they start it first . Idk what is it , but ppl tell me I carry a powerful aura and many boys get attracted to me . Also , the popular ones used to attract to me a lot because I could be seen as a quiet nerdy girl . I come off as very unique at first meeting . I m practical with my decisions but as said , I hide my emotions or else the emotions would have led me. I m also a human lie detector , or that's what my family tells me . The thing that stands out in me isy dressing style . I am very curious. I m also very much mysterious . I m loyal to a fault . Now my flaws are that sometimes I don't believe my friends at all and it hurts them since they ask me to be honest and I tell them the truth . I can be blunt and cold without realising it but I don't mean to . I am an extrovert so keeping me from doing something can make me insecure . I m sensitive to criticism . I can be super suspicious, like a looott . I hate when ppl try to control me, even my parents so I end up going against them or I follow their instructions half-heartedly . I can be very very stubborn . I also get many intuitions but I ignore them . I hate when ppl are unreliable , everyone's lazy but atleast they should do their work after some rest . I also hate arrogant boastful PPL . I hate when someone disrespects me and I immediately cut them off from my life . I hate lame excuses given by the ppl whom I expect something to do and they didn't. I am very patient but once they cross their lines , they wish they hadn't . I guess this is too much ? (Lol sorry but excited ) Thank u so much for ur time dear 💗”

a/n: Hi! Thank you for so many details!! It’s lovely. You also asked for TMR ship, so I’ve decided to do a HP form one era and one for TMR. Hopefully, you are okay with that:)

p.s.: sorry for being a Draco slaughter. i’m also doing all the other requests, thank you for them!! they are going to be trade in a day or two. sending love <3

Harry Potter:

I ship you with Fred Weasley

(so badly, you’re a perfect match)

First of all... being stubborn and taking risks is something that you probable have in common, which is going to create a perfect enemies to lovers dynamic. Maybe academic/prancing rivalry?

You constantly mocking each other, but not meaning any harm or anything, even though others might think that you hate one another

Him always helping you to break the rules if needed, but still making sure that everything is alright, and everyone is safe. And you would keep an eye on him back, supporting him when he doesn’t know what to do

He would be surprised when you started to open up, and crack jokes, but would love them so badly. And he definitely is very grateful whenever (and if) you chose to tell him something private, and wouldn’t tell anyone else even if he was tortured

You would always give amazing ideas for the shop products. And he would be like: “Where do you know that from?” “Don’t know, just thought it was interesting and decided to investigate”

You were walking in the dull lights of a corridor from the late detention in the Snape’s dungeons. You got this one for arguing with a certain Weasley. This was entirely his fault, though, but he didn’t get caught, and you could still see the stupid smirk on his stupid face when you were assigned to come down here after classes. The Slytherin do was just nearby, and you heard a couple of voices around the corner. You were hopping these were some of your friends from Slytherin, but as you listen closely you herald none other than Malfoy. “These Weaslebeeys are ignorant trash just like their father. Who’s would willingly study what muggles’ life’s are like? That’s just dumb”you didn’t know whether he was just showing off in front of his friends or if he was being serious, but you were furious at the moment.

“Malfoy!” - you energetically approached the group.

“Another gryffindor”, - he smirked. “Why don’t you spend an evening at your dorm or some other lame place?”

“Cut it. Take it back” - you face was almost stone cold. Eyes glimmering dangerously in the flickering light.

“Are you defending the Weaslebees?” - he grimaced, being so proud of himself for no reason.

“It’s not their name, and they don’t need any defense. You’re being an arrogant prick towards my friends, and I’m not going to tolerate that.” - you were stiff, your fists clenched in order to hold back the anger. How dared he speak in such diminishing manner about people 100 times better than him!

“What are you going to about it?” He replied cheekily, stepping forward.

“Well... I don’t know, how about TheLocomotor Wibbly!” - you were gripping tightly onto your wand, and Draco suddenly fell to the floor. His legs turned to jelly.

“You little...” one of his friends pointed your wand towards you, opening his mouth to jinx you back. Suddenly there was a loud bang, everything was covered with the thick smoke, and you were pulled to the corner. You instinctively pointed a wand on the person in front of you, still unable to see anything.

“Easy, lady” you recognized the voice. “Fred? What are doing here?” you were genuinely surprised, and started wondering how much has he heard. “Came to rescue you from the Snape’s claws” he smirked. “Why?” you didn’t understand a thing. “No fun being brilliant if you can’t see that and get jealous” - he cocked his eyebrows. You huffed back. “Well, thank you, I suppose.” “Oh good, I thought I’d never hear that”. You surprised a smile. “Let’s move already”.

“By the way”, he stopped you, “did I hear you calling me a friend?” You nudged his shoulder. “Don’t think too much of it, Weasley”.

The maze runner:

I ship you with Gally

He’s the one to understand you not opening up fully and immediately and keeping things to yourself for 110%. He’s mysterious himself, and he can give you every time in the world (sorry, i’m love him sm)

Again... the enemies to lovers dynamic, ESPECIALLY considering the whole thing with him killing Chuck (still hurts, though).

He can be very protective from time to time, so you can have “Because I care for you!!” arguments when you’re being reckless and decide to risk in order to save him.

He's honestly the sassy king of the show. Taking your sense of humour in account, I belive that he would really appreciate that you have it and can back him up. So you would exchange jokes back and forth

He's also absolutely giving you every freedom in the world not even attempting to control you or tell you what to do, he would only give out advices. And as far as he realises you're sensitive to crticizm, he starts to control himself in order not to hurt you.

"Please, never do that again". You and Gally were walking around the Last City, back to the shelter.

"Do what?" You asked, raising your head to the boy slightly ahead of you.

"You know what I'm talikng about". He turned his head to you, and stopped in the shaddow of the narrow street between the houses. His gaze was pretty serious, and both of you were extremely tired after yet another mission in attempt to undermine the existing regime.

"I don't think I do". You looked up at him with the confusion in your eyes.

"What you did back there was very risky, and you could have not make it. Don't risk like that ever again".

"But the cranks would've gotten you then". You protested. In your opinion, what you did was the only option.

"I appreciate the concern, but I could I handle it". He was starting to get stubborn, while you were getting angry.

"That's not true. One of them was hanging on your throat. That's not something people cal 'I handle it'". You threw your arms in the air, gesturing.

"I'm not letting them take me instead of you!" Gally was almost shouting at this point.

"Well, I'm not letting them take you either!"

"Great!"

You both went silent and were walking angrily towards your shelter, turning, sneaking, and hiding.

"Gally". You called in a few minutes. "It's just that I really care about you".

"I know". He told you, looking back again. "Just promise me, you're going to be careful".

"You know I really can't promise, but at least I'll try".

#ship requests #reader #reader insert #x reader #y/n #the maze runner #tmr #gally #gally x reader #the death cure #hp #harry potter #fred weasley x reader #fread weasley #weasley twins #fred and goerge weasley #golden era #hp x reader #submission

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justanotherlifeff · 4 years

Text

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm. DETAILED SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER

No one's POV

(Y/N) knocked on Erwin's door. The ring was already on her finger. Levi opened the door with an annoyed face. His expression brightened slightly after seeing it's (Y/N) as he held the door for her. "(Y/N), please sit" Erwin told (Y/N) pointing at the chair in front of his table. "Now that both of you are here, what's the news that you wanted to give me, Levi?" Erwin asked Levi as (Y/N) sat down. "(Y/N) and I are engaged now. I thought you'd want to know." Levi told Erwin in a bland tone.

"I wonder why I'm not surprised." Erwin sighed as he replied to Levi's statement with sarcasm. “Levi, as her only guardian, I can't allow you to marry (Y/N) unless you get a stable home. We all know that raising a child in the regiment headquarters isn't possible." Erwin added. "Yes, I thought about it too. I'll make arrangements for a house and try to get on with this shit as quickly as possible. After all, this peace won't last forever." Levi answered to Erwin.

"Anyway, I called both of you here for a different reason..." Erwin started but was interrupted by (Y/N). "You called me for something?" she asked with a confused tone. Levi only told her to go to Erwin's office to break the news about their extremely bland engagement. (Y/N) wasn't concerned about the fact that Levi's proposal wasn't very glamorous because she never cared about grand romantic gestures and all that. She was just immensely happy because Levi took the effort to buy such a nice ring for her, that after abandoning his duties. Levi wouldn't do all that if he didn't love her. Erwin looked at Levi and raised his one of his massive eyebrows.

"I forgot to mention that to her" Levi said casually. He definitely wasn't gonna let them know that he was so nervous while telling her to get the ring that he forgot to mention (Y/N) that Erwin called her. "I see. Well, now that you're here, there's a mission I'd like to discuss with you. If you're uncomfortable with it, you can always refuse." Erwin told (Y/N) with a slightly concerned voice. "What's the mission?" (Y/N) asked monotonously.

"Well, you see, we weren't able to capture all the lords who worked for the Reiss family and enthroned the fake king. There are exactly three lords who are not captured yet and we got a lead that they have properties in the underground city. Almost all rich lords have properties there in case the wall breaks or for any emergency situation. The documents on those properties are as shady as it can be and can't give us any right information. I was planning to send Levi and Hanji to pinpoint their location by an undercover mission but Hanji, having a curious mind like herself, can attract attention. Levi alone can't do it because in his time, he was quiet popular in the underground. They will recognise him if he tries to spy on people. You, (Y/N), are the most capable person after him but given that you're expecting and your past, I didn't want to involve you into this. But, right now, we don't have much of a choice. If you're uncomfortable with it, we will have to send Mikasa with Levi but she's not as matured as you are and may make bad decisions which could turn out to be risky for us." Erwin explained.

A rush of bad memories went through her mind but at the end, (Y/N) decided that she had to face her past. "I'll go." she answered calmly. Erwin scanned her face before saying, "I see, well, the mission is simple. You two won't engage in fights with anyone. You will only pinpoint their locations and report back. The rest will be taken care of by Levi squad and Hanji squad. You will have to go to the upper class whore houses because knowing how Lords usually are, you probably will find them there. There's this tavern out there where all the upper class people goes to drink. It's called the Devil's Punchbowl.." Erwin was interrupted as Levi snorted.

"I know that place. The owner had a shit load of ego" he muttered. (Y/N) decided that she wanted to hear the story behind that. "As I was saying, (Y/N), you will get inside and get information. You're not too popular yet, at least not in the underground. That's more or less the plan now." Erwin explained. "I see. Understood." (Y/N) replied. Just then, Hanji entered the room with 39 other squad leaders of the survey corps. (Y/N) and Levi looked at Erwin with a confused expression. "Commander, I fetched everyone here." Hanji said before saluting. Erwin stood up and came in front of them. (Y/N) did the same and stood beside Levi.

Erwin then, explained the whole situation, "I was planning to choose the next commander before our next expedition to reseal wall Maria. I am confused about who to choose because I have two candidates on my list. It's either Hanji because of her quick thinking and innovative ideas or (Y/N) because of her quick thinking and ability to see patterns in the enemy and counterattack perfectly. I thought if all the squad leaders here except Hanji help me out with a voting. It's pretty simple, when I call out one of their names, you will raise your hand to vote for her." Erwin explained. (Y/N) was shocked at the whole thing but Hanji, however was not because Erwin mentioned that she was a candidate for the next commander long ago.

"Anyone voting for Hanji, raise your hand." Erwin commanded and 20 people raised their hands. "I see.. I guess it's a tie. This makes things rather difficult." Erwin sighed. "Commander? May I have a word?" (Y/N) told Erwin with a confident voice. "Yes?" Erwin asked. "I don't think I'm fit for this role." she stated. "Why is that, (Y/N)?" Erwin asked, curious about why she was throwing out the huge career opportunity.

"Commander, I am not suitable for this role because, firstly, I'm not the type of person with good leadership skills. My trainee corps records clearly states that I'm not good at teamwork. I will never be able to achieve the trust of a whole military division just by my strength. Yes, I might be able to make quick decisions but I can't ever make actual battle plans. Commander, you yourself invented a whole battle formation. I could never do something like that. Hanji however, made that explosive added with 3DMG within a few hours. I believe that Hanji would be a better choice." (Y/N) explained.

"But... But you outsmarted Commander Erwin that time... No one has ever been able to do that..." Hanji tried to interject but Levi stopped her. "Hanji, that's because you never tried to outsmart the commander." he said to her. Then he turned at Erwin and said, "Commander, I'd like to change my vote to Hanji. I just realized that Hanji will do a better job than (Y/N)." "Well, it's decided then. Hanji will be next in the chain of command." Erwin declared. Then he turned to (Y/N) and said, "As for (Y/N), you still deserve a promotion. I think, as you're almost as strong as Levi, a second special operations squad could be formed with you as a squad leader. I will complete the paperwork for that.".

"Thank you, Commander." (Y/N) replied professionally but a smile crept on her face. This really was an amazing day for her. Erwin then turned at everyone else and said that they were dismissed and everyone walked out of Erwin's office. While going out, Levi told (Y/N), "Congratulations on your promotion." with a smug look. "Thank you. How do you think we should celebrate it?" (Y/N) answered with an equally smug expression. "Well, I have some things in mind. We need to go to our room though. Shall we?" Levi mumbled near her ear, making her the skin tingle due to his warm breath on her neck. "After you" (Y/N) answered with a smirk.

When they reached Levi's room, Levi pinned (Y/N) to a wall and kissed her passionately. He helped her get rid of the survey corps coat that she had on and also the uniform underneath. "Go to bed, (Y/N). I'll be back shortly" He commanded her before picking up the clothes and retiring to the closet. (Y/N) knew that he will fold those up now. After all, he was the neatest person she met. She remembered a day from back when she just joined the special operations squad. She had been given stable duty that day.

"How do you never complain when heichou gives you stable duties? Everyone hates mucking the stables and he is downright unfair to you because you win sparring challenges with him sometimes." Eren ranted. He was walking with (Y/N) to the stable. "Well, he wasn't wrong. I did dirty his uniform this time. I could've been more careful with the tea if I wasn't reading a book while working. I don't think anyone would tolerate their subordinate throwing tea at them." (Y/N) muttered as a reply.

"Well, you're not wrong... But you did apologise. If he made you clean his uniform, that would be more fair. Mucking the stable seems like a bit too much." Eren told (Y/N) with a sympathetic look. (Y/N) shrugged it off and said, "Well, he's the captain. He's the one who makes the decision of what punishment we should get. I'd rather trust his judgement instead of calling it unfair.". "No wonder he doesn't hate you as much as he hates us..." Eren muttered before leaving (Y/N) alone.

Levi came to check how well the mucking was going to find (Y/N) scrubbing the last stall. It had only been three hours and Levi didn't expect (Y/N) to be done with the third stall. He checked the other stalls and found them practically spotless. The horses were tied on a tree nearby. "I didn't expect her to figure that out so soon... Eren took 3 times of re cleaning to figure that out..." Levi thought. The cleaning was above average. Almost as good as him. "You're pretty good at this. You'll be cleaning my room from now on." he commanded. Since then, (Y/N)'s cleaning duties were to clean Levi's room. They would chat while she was cleaning about books they both read. They had many friendly conversations, ones that lead to them having feelings for each other. Ones that lead to (Y/N) trusting Levi with her past.

It seemed stupid to (Y/N), how they denied their feelings for so long when they were there all that time. Levi came back, naked, while (Y/N) was lost in thoughts. "What are you thinking?" Levi asked her before pinning her down on the bed and kissing her neck. "I was thinking about that day. The day when you asked me to start cleaning your room?" (Y/N) sighed.

"Mhhm? That was a good decision. Those brats can't clean as good as you." Levi mumbled before going back to kissing her neck. His hands moved towards her vagina as his kisses got rougher, leaving marks on her neck. She was panting slightly as his fingers made his way into her vagina, stretching it, filling it. When he felt like she was wet enough, without any warning, he positioned himself and plunged into her making her yelp in pleasure. He moved in a rough pace, making her come closer to euphoria.

Meanwhile, Erwin sent Hanji to collect (Y/N)'s trainee corps report card and her so called birth certificate. Hanji, as she had nothing to do due to the lack of a lab in this survey corps branch, decided to get done with her work as fast as possible. She knew that (Y/N) was staying with Levi and decided to go to Levi's office, which was attached to Levi's room. To Levi's distaste, she never knocked before entering Levi's office and this time was no exception. Only, this time, she actually regretted doing it.

After entering Levi's office, she clearly heard the sound of sex and (Y/N)'s moaning from the other side of the door to Levi's room. She thought it would be funny to interrupt them and thus she called out, "Oi Levi! I need (Y/N) here for a second. Erwin sent me to get some documents from her." The noise stopped and after a minute or so, a fully dressed Levi came out of the room with an annoyed expression. "Don't you understand the concept of knocking, Hanji?" he told Hanji with his voice filled with contempt.

"Hey, not in mood for one of your boring lectures. I asked for (Y/N) anyway. Not you." Hanji said casually with a smile. "She probably will kill you when she's here." Levi replied in a deadpan voice. Just after Levi finished his sentence, (Y/N) came out of the room with a murderous glint in her eyes. "You have amazing timing, Hanji." she sneered at Hanji. Hanji deserved it though because she arrived just moments before (Y/N) reached an orgasm.

"Come on (Y/N)! I'd not..ahem..interrupt if I didn't have a good reason!" Hanji tried to reason with her. Hanji understood the fact that (Y/N) did not approve of her little joke at all and she didn't want to make (Y/N) hate her. After all, she considered (Y/N) as a good friend and the fact that (Y/N) set up her and Moblit together proved it. "I'm not carrying shopping bags for you again if you don't have a good enough excuse. What documents do you want?" (Y/N) asked in an annoyed voice. She wasn't as angry as before.

"Erwin asked for your trainee corps report card and your birth certificate. They are required for the paperwork for your promotion." Hanji explained herself. (Y/N) didn't reply to that and retired to Levi's room to dig those documents out from her bag. She didn't get a chance to unpack yet. When she found those, she handed them to Hanji and asked, "Well, is that all?" in a tone that clearly made Hanji realise that she wasn't wanted in the room anymore. Hanji understood why and decided to give them the privacy. "Yep. That's all" she answered cheerfully before leaving the office.

(Y/N) POV

Levi was pounding into me and just as I started loosing all sense of my surroundings and reach orgasm, Levi stopped. "Don't stop! please!" I gasped but he pulled out and grunted with a sarcastic tone, "Shitty glasses is here. That woman didn't knock again and that must be the most amazing timing I can think of". " I'll kill her" I muttered before getting up on the bed. After Hanji was gone, I looked back at Levi and said, "Well? Let's continue where we left off?". Levi looked at me and said, " You know what (Y/N), I'll give you two options. We can either continue where we left off or try something new. You choose." with a smirk.

I decided that something new would be better since I was far from an orgasm right now. "Let's try something new." I answered. "Good choice. Now, go wash your asshole." he commanded. I was confused by his command but I stripped and went to the bathroom and did what he said anyway. When I was back, our clothes were already folded and Levi was putting them back in the closet. He made me suck his dick to get it hard again and then he made me turn around and bend. After that, he fucked me and made me cum. Did he forget about trying something new? Just when that thought crossed my mind, I found him using his fingers to scoop up my cum from outside my vagina and smothering them on my asshole. Then I felt his finger poke at it.

Suddenly, I understood what this was about. I read about it in books. He was going to try anal. I blushed furiously at the thought. I felt one of his fingers getting inserted in me slowly and a satisfied sigh escaped my mouth. He moved the finger to and fro slowly making me feel the weirdest sensations ever. More fingers were inserted, the sensation increased gradually by time until I felt his dick poking on that hole.

"Levi, it wont fit..." I tried to tell him but he suddenly plunged it all in, making me yelp in pain and pleasure. He didn't move for a while giving me some time to adjust to his size. "Tell me when you're ready" he muttered as he pulled my hair to get my face close to his. After a while, when the pain subsided, I told him, "You can move now..". He didn’t waste a second and started out moving slowly, increasing his speed rapidly. The amazing sensation was numbing my legs and blurring my mind. Suddenly, I felt something warm flowing inside me.

"Do me a favour and clench your ass." Levi muttered to me before pulling out. I did what he said and after pulling out, he picked me up and went to the bathroom because he figured out that my legs were jelly at this point. After getting me to the toilet seat, he commanded me to wash myself before leaving the bathroom.

No one's POV

It was time for lunch and (Y/N) was already dressed. Levi, however took time because the smallest crinkle on his clothes were unacceptable to him. (Y/N) often wondered how he managed to notice such small details on his clothes. Even during combat, he always tried to stay as clean and tidy as possible. "Levi, when are you buying that house that you talked about to Uncle Erwin?" (Y/N) asked as Levi was ironing his shirt with a metal pot filled with warm water.

"I'm planning to buy it before going to the next expedition. We will have to order the furniture too. Those will take a few months to be ready..." Levi muttered as he tried to get rid of that one crease which didn't seem to be going no matter how hard he tried. "Well, do you have any plans about where we should get the house?" (Y/N) asked. Levi paused at that. He didn't make any plans as he never thought he'd be in a situation like this. "Well, we could think about it later" he replied before wearing his shirt. As they were walking towards the canteen, he told (Y/N), "You're not seating with my squad today. You're a squad leader now so sit at the squad leader's table." (Y/N) nodded at him as they went together towards the squad leader table.

"Hey, maybe I should let the squad know about my promotion. After all, we will still be working together and they deserve to know why I'm not sitting with them.." (Y/N) started to say before getting interrupted by Levi who simply said, "Go ahead" before walking towards the leader's table. (Y/N) went to Levi squad's table and before she was able to say anything, the team started congratulating her on her promotion. "News does travel fast" (Y/N) thought. "I'll be sitting at the leader's table from now on but I'll see you guys during training. Our squads will be working together you see" (Y/N) started but was interrupted by Sasha.

"(Y/N), don't worry about us. We are your friends. We will find a way to spend time with you. You better become a better squad leader than Levi Heichou" she said but before (Y/N) could reply, Connie said, "Pretty sure that squad leader (Y/N) is scarier than Levi heichou sometimes." "Oi, call me (Y/N). You're not in my squad and we graduated together. By the way, how am I scarier than Levi?" (Y/N) asked, completely confused. "Well, you see, you're scary enough yourself but if anyone tries to hit on you or mess with you, that's basically picking on a personal fight with Levi Heichou. I'm surprised that horse face is still alive" Eren elaborated with a protesting Jean muttering "Shut up you suicidal bastard!".

After having a small talk with Levi squad, (Y/N) went to the Leader's table with her lunch. Hanji was already there and Levi was absent. "Where's Levi?" (Y/N) asked Hanji as she sat down beside her. "Oh, well, Queen Historia came to visit Erwin on some business. She called for Levi. He will be here soon." Hanji explained. The squad leader's table in this scout regiment branch was a long table that went horizontally to both ends of the canteen. It was placed at the end of the canteen, conveniently near the buffet table. Squad leaders were still coming in.

As (Y/N) started eating, two male squad leaders that she didn't know sat in front of her and Hanji on the other side of the table and one of them said, "Well, it seems like we have a new face around here. Weren't you a cadet only like a few months back?" "Yes. I got promoted today." (Y/N) answered politely. "Yes, we know that. We were there when it happened. You're sleeping with Levi aren't you? I don't understand why Commander Erwin gives a shitty thug so much importance. I heard you're even carrying Levi's bastard. Is that how you got the promotion? Just asking cause you don't look like you can take down a fly. Strongest woman my ass" the other man said with a smirk.

"For your information Steve, (Y/N)..." Hanji started with an angry expression but was interrupted by (Y/N) as she said, "Oi Hanji, don't you think the stew tastes amazing today?". Hanji was surprised by (Y/N)'s extremely calm reaction and she figured that (Y/N) had a plan and thus, didn't talk much on that matter. The guy named Steve, however, did not understand and continued, "Oi Tom, she isn't even denying it. Heard she calls the commander 'uncle'. The commander isn't her uncle for sure. Heard she's from the underground and was taken in by the (L/N). Pretty sure she has an affair with the commander too. What do you recon she'll do to the bastard?" he asked his companion who was named Tom.

"I dunno, probably sell it to some lord or something like any whore would." Tom chuckled but stopped immediately to find (Y/N) looking at him with a calm but piercing look. (Y/N) gave him a small smile and said, "You see, Steve and Tom, you are wrong in three places. You're right. I am a whore. Judging from how nosy you people are, I'm pretty sure you two know that I was found in a whore house in the underground. Here's where you're wrong. Firstly, you clearly didn't do much research on anything from after I got out from the underground. If you did, you'd not question my promotion. Heck, you'd not try to mess with me. Well, as you two didn't do your research properly, let's start with a fist fight. Practical classes are always better than theoretical ones right? Oh, and I don't want to fight Tom. Steve, you're the big guy, let's do a round. If I can't get you under my feet in 30 seconds, you win.".

"You'll fight me? Sugar, I don't hit women" Steve smirked. The whole leader's table were looking at (Y/N) and Steve. Levi arrived the scene just a while ago and heard most of what (Y/N) said. "(Y/N), I'll take care of him.." Levi tried to say but (Y/N) stopped him and said, "Let me do this by myself." "Do you happen to be afraid, Steve? " (Y/N) asked Steve as she stood up from her chair, rolled the sleeves of her shirt and walked in front of the seated Steve. "Steve, she's asking for it. Just beat her ass" Tom told Steve in a bored voice. Steve didn't answer to that and stood up. There was quiet a bit of space between the buffet table and the leader's table. The whole canteen was looking at Steve and (Y/N) now.

Steve charged at (Y/N) but (Y/N) simply used her hands to use Steve's height and weight to knock him down. She saw Eren do that to Jean multiple times and practiced it with Levi back when she was getting knife training. Of course, most people weren't surprised by such a feat from (Y/N) because they all trusted Erwin's decisions. As Steve was trying to get up, he saw (Y/N) casually walking towards him and kick him in the face with an extremely accurate amount of speed and at an extremely accurate area of the head which knocked him out.

"Well, Tom, do your research better next time. By the way, your second mistake was to think that Uncle Erwin isn't my uncle, because, he is. Thirdly, you shouldn't have said that thing about me selling my kid. I wouldn't have given lowlifes like you any attention if you didn't do that. Now that you succeeded in attracting my attention, help your friend to the medics. He'll have a concussion." (Y/N) told Tom, who was speechless by (Y/N)'s abilities. After Tom left with an unconscious Steve, (Y/N) sat back at her seat and started with her stew.

"Those are the bullies among the squad leaders. There are three types of squad leaders around here. Bullies like them, the normal ones, and people like myself or Levi, the ones who actually are assets to the Survey corps. These bullies thought you're one of the normal ones but they didn't think you'd be with the elites. They don't usually sit with us. They just came here today to mess with you. You'd not see them around usually." Hanji explained. "I reckoned you'd find this type of divisions in the military police. Not the Survey Corps." (Y/N) muttered as she slurped down her now cold stew. "(Y/N), every military division has shit like this. Some more than the others. None of the divisions are perfect." Levi answered to that before looking at Hanji and asking, "Hanji, where do you reckon we should buy a house?"

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: Remember how (Y/N) walked on to Petra kissing Levi while getting to her cleaning duties before the 57th expedition? Now you know how she got the duty of cleaning Levi's room in the first place.]

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

#levi smut #levi aot #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi attack on titan #levi x reader #levi x fem!reader #levi×reader #levi ackerman #captain levi

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mochilici0us · 4 years

Text

One New Message | jjk (4)

➳ 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: angst, thriller, stalker au

➳ 𝘀𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘀𝗶𝘀: Skye realizes she has to deal with a ruthless stalker when the messages she’s constantly receiving are getting more and more threatening. A stalker that makes her recall memories of the past she swore she would never rake up again

➳ 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 2,5k

prologue, part one, part two, part three, part four

April 2013

''Skye can you pass me the milk please?'' my father kindly requests while we enjoy our breakfast. They enjoy to be exact. I can hardly take part in their conversation, my mind is away.

My eyes can't stop following her skinnier, exhausted figure moving from the kitchen to the dining haul and serving breakfast.

Something's up these days, she avoids eye contact with me at all costs, we haven't even talked properly. She's acting cold towards me just muttering a few weak goodmornings and goodnights. Yeah, those are the only words I've exchanged with my ''best friend'', not even a little talk to catch up with each other's news.

''Ruby can you fetch me some honey?'' my mother yells so that Ruby listens from the kitchen. A few seconds after she appears holding a jar of honey. Even her walk is stiff, I'm genuinely concerned about her health.

''Here you are'' I'm sure she can feel my burning gaze as she leaves the honey on the table and finally after a week our eyes meet.

Shit, she looks so pale, dark circles under her red eyes, chipped lips, I can even practically see her facial bones. To my surprise she doesn't look annoyed or angry. She just glances at me tiredly, as if she had quit living.

My piercing gaze on the other hand is anything but calm and sympathetic. She's clearly sick, something's eating her alive and instead of sharing her concerns with me she stays away?

Our eye contact lasts only for a few seconds but it's strong enough to show my restrained rage.

She realizes it immediately, averts her gaze and leaves like the coward she is.

''This weekend I'm leaving on an unexpected business trip'' my father announces and takes a sip of his coffee right after

''Again? You were on a business trip last week'' my mother fires back

''Do you think it's up to me? For your information I'd rather stay home and relax with my family''

''I don't mean it's your fault I just...''

''You make me feel terrible every time I have to tell you about a businesstrip. I can't talk to my family without restrictions anymore Christen''

''Ok I'm sorry don't get mad'' my mother lowers her eyes and apologises quickly before my father gets more angry.

Sometimes I admire my dad. He's so manipulative but not in a bossy way, he always prevails upon my mother with sensible arguments, voice laced with sweetness.

He's so diplomatic, no doubt he has built such a great career

''Darling why are you not eating?'' my mother remarks as I fiddle with the spoon. The bowl of granola cereals is untouched.

''I have no appetite. I have to go to school anyway, I'm late'' I pretendto study my watch and stand up

''Do you want me to come with you?'' my father suggests

''Nο it's ok I can walk''

''Skye are you sure everything's ok?'' I hear my mother's voice as I head towards the living room to grab my backpack.

''I'm fine mum I just didn't sleep well. See you later''

As I'm about to exit alone Ruby appears out of nowhere. Her body posture screams nervousness.

''You didn't eat your breakfast'' she speaks quietly biting her already chopped lips

She's been avoiding me for a week and now she pretends to be a thoughtful friend. She made me feel depressed, cry myself to sleep thinking what the hell I did wrong and now she plays dumb?

I just stay still without answering, my intense eyes glued to her wandering ones. She doesn't even dare to look at my eyes.

She clears her throat ''Here''she takes a fresh hand-made sandwich out of her pocket and extends her hand. I eye her hand without moving an inch.

''You can eat it instead. You look like a sceleton'' I spit my venom and walk out of my house without sparing her a glance.

It was too late when I realized what I had said.

''I love spaghetti but my mother never cooks. My dad says she cooks terrible but that's a secret'' Grace's friend Lisa whispers and pretends to seal her lips. She's so cute.

''Don't worry your secret is safe''

She nods and digs into her food again. Under other circumstances I wouldn't have cooked but today Susan picked up both Grace and Lisa so I couldn't disoblige her. Her puppy eyes gave me enough courage to get up and cook even though I'm still in a cast.

The three of us are sitting in the dining table and enjoying my home-made bolognese spaghetti. I was never good at cooking, I couldn't cook to save my life to be exact but I had to learn how for Grace. So I practiced and practiced till I reached my goal, I didn't want to become the new master chef, just learn how to cook some basic things so that Grace eats home-made food. In the beginning I would constantly fail but practice makes perfect.

''Eat your veggies as well girls'' I gesture at the bowl of salad.

They both nod like good girls and do as I say. They're so freaking adorable. Lisa has short black hair with bangs and chocolate brown eyes. She's small but taller than Grace. She comes by often, most of the times I pick her up from school as well since Grace and her are classmates.

Her favorite foods are spaghetti, steak with baby potatoes and vegetable fried rice. Let's not forget my signature fruit smoothie which I always serve with vanilla frosting cupcakes.

We always sit and eat together, exchanging news, telling jokes. I really enjoy their interactions, they look like two tiny dumplings.

"What did you do in school today?" I ask intertwining my fingers

"We drew our dream gardens, mine has a huge swimming pool" Lisa hurries to answer

"Mine has a plenty of colorful flowers and a big telescope on the center to admire the stars. And the Sky. Sky as we say Skye" Grace jokes shyly, puffing her flushed cheeks. Lisa bursts into a laughter once she gets the joke.

"Good one Grace" I wink at my little sister who resembles a puppy waiting for a praise.

After a while we're finally done with the food. I really missed cooking and eating my own food, Susan cooks pretty decently as well but I was craving so bad for some of my spaghetti.

''Did you enjoy your meal girls?'' I eye the empty plates

''Yeah!''they both cheer

''Go to play now while I prepare your fruits''

The two small kitties obey and walk towards the room wiggling their small butts. I can't help but chuckle at them.

My eyes land on the dirty dining table as I sigh disappointed, washing the dishes is definitely the worst part of cooking and eating. No matter how much I enjoy preparing food and trying new recipes, the process of cleaning after is terrible. I'm going to wash the dishes later I think and slowly proceed to my big kitchen to cut fruits for the girls, my hands holding the crutches tight.

Being on my feet isn't the best idea whatsoever but tomorrow I'm having my cast removed so my ankle is pretty much healed.

I go for strawberries, bananas and pears and also pick two colorful bowls.

As I already mentioned tomorrow I'm having my cast removed. My stomach twitches in anticipation. Will he be there? Two weeks have passed but I still find myself thinking of him before sleeping even though the picture of him is blurry and distant. Just a memory, a distant picture of him is enough to keep me up at night...

I brush away these thoughts and throw the fruits into the bowls, adding some honey on top and voila! A quick and healthy sweet fruit salad.

"Girls come on" I yell and wait for the two little ones to arrive, trying to distract my mind from unwanted thoughts.

What I know for sure is that tomorrow is a big day....

"You're finally able to walk again, I'm so happy'' Susan cheers and hugs me tight as we exit the hospital. Unfortunately I didn't have my cast removed by the pretty doctor, he didn't even appear to be exact.

Disappointed but not suprised

The young cute nurse was there though, she recognized me and even greeted me, I was THIS close to ask about him but my pride didn't allow me.

''How are you feeling?'' Her hand strokes my back

''Weird'' I respond eyeing my healed ankle ''I was used to walking on crutches''

Indeed last 2 weeks I would only walk using my crutches, they had become a part of my routine. I certainly feel better now though, well-rested,healthy, ready to return to reality.

''Let's go, I'm treating you to brunch.. There are so many things we have to catch up on after''

''W-what do you mean?'' I stutter scared because I have a feeling that I already know her answer

''Shopping therapy of course''

Oh no...

''Susan are you kidding I just removed my cast''

''Sweetheart you know I wouldn't drag you along unless I had a reason. Next Tuesday is Yoongi's birthday party, we have to get our outfits''

''Yoongi's birthday...'' I scratch my sculpt looking at her sheepishly''I totally forgot, I'm sorry''

''It's ok, you're coming anyway''

''What about-''

''Taehyung's gonna take care of your sister don't worry'' she cuts me off as if she had read my thoughts

I nod, it's rude to deny the invitation

''Yoongi's friends are really handsome and some of them are single so don't think you're getting off. We have to find a cute outfit for you as well... now let's eat'' I roll my eyes but agree rubbing my stomach that hasn't stopped rumbling and finally get in her car .

''It's stunning'' I examine the purple midi dress Susan's holding. The material is silk, it appears glamorous, expensive and the embellished straps detail completes the look.

''Should I try it on?'' she hesitates

''Of course, purple looks amazing on you'' That's true, the contrast between her ginger hair, green eyes and the purple colour is definitely unique. Purple flatters every single of her characteristics.

''Let's find something for you'' her eyes wander around the store

''I gained weight these days so I should go for something baggy''

''No Skye, you should go for something sexy yet sick that emphasizes your cleavage. Your boobs got bigger, thankfully'' she whispers the last word and rolls her eyes

''Susan'' I whisper yell covering my breasts with my hands ''Did they?'' I rethink my friend's comment. Indeed I've noticed a slight development. This whole weight gaining story had a positive result at least.

Once I realise where my hands are and how the rest of the customers look at me probably thinking I'm a horny pervert I instantly lower them and grab the first dress I lay my eyes on.

''This one is perfect yes'' Susan practically runs towards me ''It's very elegant and the lace detail makes it sensual. You're definitely trying it on''

I take a closer look at the dress I picked out on random. It's certainly cute, off shoulder, midi, black with lace but tight as hell

''Isn't it way too tight? I think it's gonna accentuate every single bloated part of my body''

''Try it out you have nothing to lose. Besides the party is in 5 days, you have plenty of time to search for a dress''

''There's no way I'm going through this again. It's either today or I'm coming wearing my Pjs'' I announce and make my way to the fitting rooms determined. I can hear Susan mumbling a few curses, probably blaming me for being grumpy and stubborn.

''Excuse me'' an assistant approaches us

''There's only one fitting room available. I'm afraid you have to wait for a while''

''No problem, Susan you go first''

''Are you sure?''

I nod and sit in the comfortable blue chair that matches the rest of the decoration and furnishings of the store.

This showroom is excellently designed, the minimal yet eccentric blue décor casts an air of originality as the majority of stores follow a consistent pattern. No wonder it's Susan's favorite showroom, modern decor, excellent service and the clothing here is feminine, figure-friendly just like the dress I'm holding.

I'm so absorbed in gaping at the interior decoration that I don't notice my friend standing in front of me.

''Hey, earth to Skye'' she wiggles her fingers in front of my face

''Sorry'' I take my time studying her figure. ''I really like it. It's ideal for your body type and the colour is gorgeous''

The violet silk dress looks perfect on her, the semi tight fit shows up her toned silhouette, the swarovski embellished spaghetti straps together with the V neck flaunt her beautiful collarbones.

''I think it looks lovely too'' the cheerful, helpful assistant comments

''Yeah I like it'' she stares at the mirror

''You can use that fitting room'' the girl gestures at an empty room smiling. How are they always so kind and happy?''It's free now''

''Thank you'' I smile back and give a long sigh standing up from the soft chair.

Reluctantly I undress myself and wear the cute midi dress. It's tight but not as much as I expected. Well it's not that bad after all, I still need Susan's opinion though and a closer look in the big mirror. A few seconds later I'm out and heading for the mirror.

''Wow'' Susan talks ''It looks... stunning''

The dress hugs my body flawlessly, emphazising my curves. The off-shoulder design is very cute but sexy at the same time because my cleavage is shown off perfectly and I'm not even wearing a push up bra. I never thought I'd look that attractive in a dress.

''It fits you like a dream. You're definitely buying it'' Susan insistsand the assistant agrees

It's elegant yet sexy. Sexy in a non provocative way since it shows off only the right places.

''I think I'm getting this one'' I finally decide and Susan winks excitedly

''Hurry up we have to go for heels as well''

''Heels? Ha'' A humorless laugh leaves my lips

''You're laughing? What are you planning to wear with this dress then?'' she crosses her arms.

Her question catches me off guard but I act cool ''Flats? I don't care, anything but heels''

She laughs sarcastic lifting a shaped eyebrow ''Flats? If you plan to wear flat shoes on my husband's party I inform you that you're not invited''

I simply pout, my eyes pleading for mercy

''Come on Skye it's a party, a bussines kinda party you don't have to walk or dance. You can deal with heels under these circumstances I'm sure''

''Okay'' I sigh defeated meeting her gaze. There's no point in agruing, she's right I need heels with the apparel I chose.

''Hurry up then'' she scolds and enters the fitting room.

Have I mentioned how much I hate shopping with my best friend?

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bunnyhani · 5 years

Text

A Little Insomniac

Pairing: (Platonic!) Seo Changbin x Bang Chan. (Also Platonic! Stray Kids x Seo Changbin on the side.)

Genre: Fluff and angst. (It seems like I don’t write anything else.. xD)

Warnings: Not really? Some language..? Insomnia..

Summary: Changbin has never self-proclaimed himself as someone who suffers from insomnia. Sure, there were sometimes nights when he couldn't fall asleep easily, but he always did in the end and successfully slept through the night. Until he didn't.

-----

Changbin was tired. The comeback was so near and he felt drained. Of course making music was fun and all that jazz, but so was sleeping. He felt like he was a walking corpse and so were others, so he wasn't a special snowflake. Then there were Chan and Jisung, who were on a entirely different scale of tiredness. They were exhausted, but somehow they kept going. They might have been more irritated than usual, but they still held onto their beautiful smiles and interacted with the members, helping them out and doing other activities. Of course, Changbin did too, but he felt like he just... Wouldn't be able to keep it up much longer. He always looked forward to getting to his bed, when all the lights were off and the dorms were dark, tiptoeing to their rooms along with the rest of 3racha. Sometimes the morning sun was peeking it's light through the window blinds and Changbin merely glared at the window then, always shutting the blinds more tighter. The sunlight just reminded him how little rest he was going to get and how unproductive he was (he wasn't but that's how he felt like).

Changbin collapsed onto his bunk bed, slightly shaking it but thankfully, Hyunjin wasn't bothered, if the boy's snoring was anything to go by. He whispered his good night to Jisung who just grumbled something similar in return, before falling asleep. Changbin just listened to the room, which was now filled with other people's calm breathing. It was kind of creepy thinking about it, since he was actually just listening to people breathe when they slept, but Changbin really couldn't do anything else. He also found comfort in it, it reminded him that he was never truly alone. While on some days he was annoyed by this fact, but during nights, he was just glad. It was kind of like unintentional ASMR. Changbin tiredly chuckled at himself, finally letting the sleep invade his mind and push everything else aside, and lay out its thick fog. The fog clouded his mind, he closed his eyes and before he knew it, he was pulled into the dreamland.

Changbin suddenly opened his eyes. His mind was messy from sleep and he had hard time grasping what was going on. He sat upright, hands shaking and he could feel his t-shirt sticking uncomfortably against his skin because of the sweat. He felt a little breathless and his heart was racing. Changbin put his hand over his heart, glancing down at his chest, even though he couldn’t see a thing in the darkness. As he realized that he couldn’t see, it set an alarm off in his head. He was going into panic mode and he needed to do something about this before it escalated. He felt around the bed for his phone and grasped it tightly, when he did. He started looking through his photo albums, where he knew that there was a gif that helped him breathe. It was literally like gif of a box inflating and deflating, back and forth and there was a text underneath that was timed with the box’s moves. It instructed him to breathe, kind of like copying the box’s movements. It usually helped when he wasn’t too panicked. Right now, he wasn’t and he started breathing more regularly. When his heart rate had slowed down and he felt calm, he just sat there, hunched over. What the hell was that? He didn’t remember having a nightmare that would have caused him to wake up. Now that he really thought about it, he couldn’t find a single reason that why did he wake up. He sighed and rubbed his hand over his face tiredly. He glanced at the clock on his phone. 4am. Changbin was so tired but so frustrated that he wanted to sleep and simultaneously scream. He settled for huffing loudly and more or less, slammed himself down onto the mattress that thankfully softened the impact. Not that Changbin actually cared at the moment. He just wanted to sleep. So he waited for sleep to come and take him again.

Changbin listened as Hyunjin’s alarm started ringing loudly in the otherwise quiet room. There were several groans and he could hear Jisung getting down from his bunk bed to go and slam Hyunjin’s alarm off before anyone else would go and smash the thing into tiny pieces. Changbin didn’t get up, he had no motivation or energy to face the day just yet, so he didn’t move. He had been going in and out of sleep most of the night, which annoyed him to no end. When the room started getting alive, only then did he force himself out of the bed. He climbed down and breathed deeply through his nose. He changed out of his pyjamas into a hoodie and sweats. Changbin could already feel the huge bedhead that he had from tossing and turning most of the night, but he wasn’t in the mood for dealing with it, so he just put on a beanie to cover it. Not that it really mattered, since all the members looked a little disheveled in the morning. Changbin didn’t really feel hungry, but still ate so nobody would get concerned over nothing. So what if he had one sleepless night? It’s not like he was a baby and couldn’t deal with it, so he didn’t see a reason to talk about it either. It was just one night, right? It was not like it was going to be a regular occurence.

The day went on it’s normal tracks, they practiced, 3racha worked on their songs and they ate. There were some messing around from the maknae line, but that was to be expected. As they had a 15 minute break from dancing, he slumped against the cold mirror of the practice room. Miroh was playing in the background, the members were sprawled across the floor and some were drinking water and conversing with each other. Changbin closed his eyes, it wouldn’t hurt anyone if he just rested his eyes a bit.

Someone shook Changbin’s shoulder gently and patted his cheek in attempt to wake him up. Changbin opened his heavy eyelids and came face to face with Chan. Chan was looking tired, but still fond.

“Come on, Bin. The break is over”, the leader said while still stroking his cheek. Changbin, still dazed, nodded tiredly but still leaned into Chan’s touch. He started falling asleep again because of the continuous movement against his cheek, but he was snapped back to reality when Chan moved his hand away. He whined at the loss of comfort, usually he wouldn’t have done it or even let Chan pet him like a dog, but he was sleep deprived so who could blame him. Although Chan was smiling, he could see the older’s eyes twinkling with worry.

“Are you okay?” Chan asked, bringing his hand back to Changbin, but this time feeling his forehead. When Changbin’s mind caught up on what Chan was doing, he lazily slapped the hand away.

“I’m not sick, hyung. I’m fine. Just a little tired”, he grumbled and forced himself to get up from the cold floor.

“If you say so”, Chan said, still keeping an eye on him. They continued dancing until they were done with the session. By that time, Changbin couldn’t even describe how he felt at that moment. He still went on with his day, joking around with others, although he was more quiet than usual. Nobody seemed to notice and if they did, they didn’t say anything. It wasn’t unheard of that sometimes each of them had trouble with sleeping sometimes, for some reason Chan still worried. Maybe it was him being just overprotective, but he did.

3racha were cooped up in the studio, still fixing some tracks and going through lyrics to see if there was anything to improve. Changbin busied himself with reading the lyrics and found himself nodding off once in a while. Jisung was pretty much in the same condition, it was quite hilarious to see how the younger’s head lolled side to side occasionally. If only he knew that he looked exactly the same. Chan just watched at the duo who were more or less coming in and out of sleep. He shook his head, but let them fall asleep. By the looks of it, they both needed it. Slowly but surely, the two younger ones did fall asleep.

Changbin jolted awake again, slamming his knee against the desk in the process. He hissed in pain and rubbed his knee with a wince. Chan had just been glancing at the two, just make sure that neither one of them were falling from their chairs or anything else. He had witnessed how Changbin had just jolted awake, from the peaceful sleep.

“Oh my God, Bin, are you okay?” he asked, moving quickly to the rapper's side. Changbin just groaned in answer and rubbed his knee.

“Fuck, yeah, I'm fine”, he replied, hissing out the curse word.

“Was it a nightmare that woke you up? You just kind of… Jumped awake and looked distressed”, Chan continued, ignoring Chanbin’s cursing since he was clearly in pain.

“Might have been because I slammed my knee kinda hard against the damn table”, Changbin retorted dryly. Chan didn't say anything and just waited for him to answer his other question. The silence was unbearable for Changbin and he finally answered:

“No… I don't know what woke me up. I just did.” Chan frowned at the answer, he could see how bothered Changbin was over the matter, so he didn't press it any further. Changbin was puzzled and concerned. This was the second time this had happened in a row. And it had happened right in front of Chan too, why on earth had Chan let him fall asleep? Then he remembered that Chan had no idea of what Changbin was going through, so of course, he had let him sleep. Well him and Jisung both. Jisung was still dead to the world, drooling onto the palm of his hand and the boy shifted slightly in his sleep. Even though his head was in an awkward angle, he still seemed to be very comfortable. Something that Changbin was envious of. He shook himself out his thoughts and went back to work. If anyone asked, they all had been working hard and definitely not sleeping and drooling all over the place.

The work day was finally over and 3racha finally actually came home in a humane time of the day.. Or late evening. They came back to the dorms at 9pm and the members had some mental peace, now knowing that the hard-working trio were going to get a proper sleep after a longer while. Changbin was still skeptical about his sleep though. While he was tired, yes, he wasn’t sure that would he be able to fall asleep or wake up again. As he climbed into his bunk bed, he googled reasons why did he wake up at night. Most suggested stress and anxiety. And they were the reasons that made the most sense, and he absolutely hated it. Why did he have to be an anxious person? He was still luckier than Felix, as he could hide his anxiousness easier and control it, but it sometimes it bothered him. And apparently affected his sleeping too, he added in his mind. His whole being felt heavy and he prayed that he could finally sleep like a normal human. His prayers, however, were not answered. Changbin wasn’t surprised at all as he woke up at 3am this time. After awhile of lying down and overthinking, he did fall asleep again, and thank goodness, he didn’t wake up again until Hyunjin’s loud ass alarm started ringing.

The week went on with similar pattern: he would work, eat, practice and after falling asleep, he would wake up in the middle of the night. He was starting to get desperate on what to do. He had tried to drink chamomile tea to calm his nerves, took melatonin and avoided looking at his phone before he went to sleep, but he always woke up in the darkness every night. Changbin started getting a little scared of falling asleep. It was dumb and childish, since the worst that could happen was that he would wake up during the night and wouldn’t fall asleep again or would continue going in and out of sleep. There was nothing to be afraid of, but he still did fear it. No matter how much he repeated to himself that it was irrational and dumb, he couldn’t really bring himself to believe the words when he actually did wake up. Other members had noticed how jumpy he was becoming and despite going to sleep fairly early, his dark circles didn’t lighten. If anything, they got darker.

It was Sunday night and he woke up again. This time he was drenched in sweat and in no time he had tears pooling in his eyes. He couldn’t hold it in anymore, so he broke down crying. He tried to stifle his sobs that shook his whole body and in distress, pulled at his hair. He silently sobbed until his eyes were dry and even blinking hurted. The tears had burned his already dry lips and he could feel how swollen his eyes were, yet he didn’t care. There was nobody to see him in this state anyway, he thought to himself as he leaned his head against his knees that he had pulled to this chest. He decided that he had enough of sitting in the dark room, being suffocated by his own thoughts and tiptoed to the bathroom in plans of blowing his nose and splash his face with some water. What he wasn't expecting, was to hear someone walking towards the kitchen. He quickly tried to bactrack but slammed straight against a wall, hoping that the person, who was walking, hadn’t seen or heard him. Well, the last hope was completely crushed as he stumbled on something that made a loud clattering sound and the fact that him slamming against the wall also created quite a loud noise. He cursed under his breath and leaned his head against the wall.

“Hello? Who is in there?” The person, who revealed to be Chan, asked cautiously into the darkness. As he was debating that should he make a run for it and possibly run into walls (again) and create a big mess or try to wait it out, Chan had moved from his spot in the kitchen and was fumbling around, looking for a light switch. The lights were turned on suddenly and it blinded Changbin momentarily, he automatically brought his hands to his face to shield his poor eyes, which were already stinging from crying.

“Changbin?” the leader asked, confused. Why was Changbin awake at this hour of the night? He scanned the younger with his gaze, trying to find a reason why he was up and that’s when he saw Changbin’s chapped, dry lips and how the younger rapper was covering his eyes. Chan said his name again, this time getting his attention. Changbin looked up, locking eyes with the elder. Chan’s heart broke seeing Changbin’s bloodshot eyes and eyelids that were swollen, which just told him that the young man had been crying. He slowly made his way to the young rapper, putting his hand onto his shoulder in a calming manner. He didn’t say anything, just let Changbin lean against him and soak himself in comfort and warmth that his body emitted. He wrapped Changbin into his arms and rubbed the rapper’s tense back. Slowly but surely Changbin started relaxing and trusted Chan enough to hold his weight, when he melted against him.

“I haven’t been able to sleep well this week… I keep waking up in the middle of the night”, Changbin confessed quietly, words a little muffled as his face was pressed against Chan’s chest. Chan still understood and tightened his hold a little.

“Do you know why?” he asked carefully. All what he got back in response was a weak shake of the head and a low rumble:

“Well… I’ve googled stuff and the reason that made the most sense in my case would be anxiety. The comeback’s near and I’m a little worried.” He sighed and continued rubbing Changbin’s back.

“I’m not going to scold you, because I know how your mind works… But please, next time when things like these happen, you can come to me, to us. It’s okay Changbin, all of us struggle with sleeping one way or another at some point, we wouldn’t push you away or think that you’re annoying. We would be hypocrites”, Chan said, chuckling at the end his sentence. Changbin just hummed, showing that he had indeed heard him but was too tired to actually reply.

“What about… You come sleep with me and you wake me if you wake up. We can talk about what worries you and what’s going on inside that cute head of yours”, Chan suggested. Changbin found himself just nodding tiredly and together they staggered to Chan’s bed. They slipped under the covers without a fuss, and Changbin would never admit how eagerly he pressed himself against Chan again. Chan smiled broadly, but of course, Changbin couldn’t see it but somehow, he just knew that Chan was smiling like a doofus.

“Stop smiling like that or I’ll kick you off of the bed”, Changbin growled playfully. Chan held his laughter in and nodded, then wrapping himself around Changbin like a koala. Changbin took a deep breath and slowly relaxed again. Soon they both fell asleep. Even though Changbin woke up again later, this time because of a nightmare, Chan held him and reassured that everything was okay and that he was safe. And Changbin believed him. Now knowing that he had someone there for him if he woke up again, he went back into unconsciousness with a bit more ease.

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lnr1625 · 6 years

Text

Not Easy To Forget

Character: Bucky Barnes

Prompt: “If I don’t make it out of here, remember I love you”

Warnings: Mentions of death

Summary: Bucky makes a friend while struggling to adjust to modern life, but after a while, he wants to be more.

Word Count: 5.1K

A/N: This is for @hollandroos 15K, congratulations! Also, This isn't heavily edited so I'm incredibly sorry for the grammatical errors.

Bucky wanted to kick a wall when he couldn't find his tie on Saturday morning. He had made sure the night before that he laid his suit, the one Steve had made him get a few weeks back, out on the chair that lay opposite of his bed. The man double, triple checked that every part of the suit was laid out last night before he went to sleep. Yet here he was getting ready in the morning, but with no tie to complete his look. Today was important, he had more crucial things to be worried about than a disappearing tie. So after a look around his room once more, with still no results, he decided to just grab a tie from Steve.

Bucky made his way over to Steve's room knocking first to make sure Steve wasn't there. He quickly moved through the room, grabbing a black tie, right on top before looking in Steve's full body mirror and watched himself as he rather quickly did his tie, making the suit come together. Lucky the practice of tying a tie hasn't changed in the last 70 years and his metal arm had surprisingly nimble fingers. Once Bucky was done with his suit he took one look in the mirror giving himself a once over and flattening his jacket before looking to his face. His hair as tame as he could get it. But his eyes with deep bags under them, stubble still would have been present on his face had today not be enough motivation to do a clean shave. Bucky hadn’t been sleeping well recently, actually, he had not slept well since he had started trying to adjust to the modern world. As Bucky took one final look in the mirror, seemingly debating internally with himself before he headed out the door, locking it on his way out, thankful that his best friend wasn't home to ask him about his whereabouts. Bucky loved Steve with his whole heart, they were as close as family. But Bucky had been having a rather hard time adjusting to the modern world so fast, especially after everything he went through. There were so many changes to have to get used too, from technology to mannerisms and everything in between. Steve, was nothing but supportive through the whole thing, concerned for Bucky's wellbeing and mental state. This could get a little annoying, being treated like a broken toy, despite Steven well-meaning intentions. So sometimes Bucky would need to get away. Think on his own. Walking was always a good way to do that. So walking tended to be a regular thing for him. Multiple times a day, some days. Especially at the beginning. And walking is where he met her. Y/N. Bucky had met the girl only a couple months after Bucky had regained his memory and started living with Steve. At the time Bucky was not doing much else than just learning how to adjust, no boxing, no work, no travel. He had to go to a therapy session every week with a S.H.I.E.L.D therapist that got him nowhere. Early on in this process walks were constant. A handful every day to escape all the information that was being shoved on him so fast. Walks were a good way to take in nature. Something that hadn’t changed very much in the last 100 years, other than the fact there was just less of it in the world, which was an upsetting realization. However, there was still plenty to take in on the outside world as well as nature, Taller buildings, faster cars, New, more revealing clothes. He was never bored on his walks. Bucky had in deep thought about these things on the day he met Y/N and didn't seem to realize that his wallet fell out of his jacket pocket. Bucky assumed that she had seen it drop and, was a decent human being because she stopped him to give it back to him. “Excuse me, Sir, you dropped this” She called to him. Taking the soldier out of his thoughts and turn around to see where the voice was coming from. She came up to him and gave him back his wallet which he thanked her for doing. Bucky had assumed that was going to be the end of the conversation and so he turned to walk away. But he barely made a step before she had other ideas, and to this day Bucky was very glad she did. “Are you new here?” She asked, In a semi-quiet voice, as if she didn't mean for the words to come out. Bucky was surprised. With his intimidating demeanor, single friend, and lack of knowledge of the current world Bucky didn't exactly get the chance to work on his small talk. But here, was a woman, willing to talk to him, who knew nothing about him, a person wouldn't treat him like a bomb that's about to explode. Normal conversation was something Bucky desperately wanted for once. So after some internal debate eventually, he convinced himself that talking to this random girl might be good for him. “Yeah, you could say that” He shrugged. With a hollow laugh. He watched her face as a small smile of excitement grew. Making Bucky's chest well. A feeling he hadn't felt in a long time. Suddenly he wanted to keep talking to her, he wanted to know what else would make her get excited. “I've lived here my whole life, so if you wanted I could show you some good spots to go when you wanna be alone… Unless that's creepy… then I'll just shut up and keep walking” she spoke going beat red in the face and rubbing the back of her neck. No longer making eye contact with the man. Bucky could tell that this girl didn't have a habit of talking to strangers and so he couldn't help but wonder, what about him made him approachable? But despite his question, he appreciated that she was also nervous to be talking and so he tried his best to calm her down. “That sounds like a pretty good deal to me. What would I owe you?” He asked with a small smirk, confidence growing in him as he remembered how back before the war he was rather good with girls. Her eyes lifted to meet his, the embarrassment that once filled them, started to go away and was instead replaced with shock and eagerness. “Just good conversation” She smiled at him. And that's how it started. Bucky and Y/N’s relationship, and from that day their relationship quickly grew. They met up a few days later and went on a rather long walk with her pointing out different landmarks, both famous ones and other ones that just meant something to her. She asked him questions and he would keep his answers vague, not wanting to unload his heavy baggage on her and scaring her away, as he enjoyed her company way more than he was willing to admit. In return, Bucky would ask her questions and she was usually much more detailed with her answers, oftentimes rambling too long, caught up in a memory or other, and then apologizing. But Bucky didn't mind when she talked, he liked that she was willing to talk because he was a rather quiet person, especially since his years of brainwash. Apparently, she enjoyed his company as well because when the walk was over she quickly blurted out that she'd like to do it again. And so for weeks every Saturday, they’d meet, walk, and talk. He found out that she works as a Chemistry teacher at Midtown School of Science and Technology. She has two older brothers and a younger sister. She loves watching movies and traveling with her family and friends. He found out more than he ever thought he would but never once was he bothered by her. After weeks of there Saturday walks, she asked him if he would want to go get lunch with her. It was at that lunch they exchanged numbers, Bucky kept it to himself that she was now the second number in the phone and probably going to be the only other number in the phone, ever, but he was okay with that.

Months of walks had ensued, only ever being canceled for rain, and if that was the case then the two would meet up for dinner or another indoor activity. He hadn't felt, what he was feeling for Y/N in seventy years, and it wasn't a feeling Bucky thought he was gonna ever be capable of feeling again. But here it was, the warm feeling in his chest every time she smiled. The smile that grew on his face out of pure joy every time she laughed. Wanting to be around her all the time. To protect her, despite the fact that she lived about the safest life that he had seen. The need to keep her happy. Seeing her only once a week grew to be hard. It didn't help that Bucky never told Steve about Y/N and so he couldn't talk about this amazing girl, his feelings toward her to anyone, and it was killer, however, he reminded himself that the reason he kept his relationship with the girl a secret because he wanted one singular part of his life to himself, he didn't want Steve to worry about a relationship that might not even last. Bucky assumed that Steve had his suspicions about why Bucky would leave and come back in a rather happier mood than when he left. But Bucky respected that Steve never dug too deep into it. Without realizing it, Y/N also did a great deal with helping Bucky adjust better to modern life, never making fun of him for not knowing something. He could listen to her for hours rant about some new science article she was reading, or a lab she had planned for her AP Chem class. Even if Bucky didn't really know what she was talking about he loved to hear the passion in her voice and would urge her to keep going even if she felt she was boring him. One week, he remembered, was bad. He was getting frustrated, with Steve but couldn't say anything because he knew Steve was just trying to help. So without being mean, he said he was going out. But as soon as he was out of the apartment he called up Y/N asking if they could meet up. Needing to talk to someone about trivial things. That was the first time he had been to her apartment and learned that she wasn’t the best cook, but she liked to bake. It wasn’t very long after that when Bucky thought he was going to lose her. When he grew up enough courage to tell her who he was. He had decided that he had strong feelings for the girl and didn’t want, whatever it is that they had to be ruined later by her running scared of him and his past. However, when he came clean, told her about himself. It was as if he hadn't just revealed one of the biggest secrets in the world to her. All Y/N did was shrug and claim that she ‘Kinda knew’. Which left Bucky almost dumbfounded. “Wait, what?” Has asked shocked that she had responded so casually. “Buck, you have a metal arm, that’s hard to miss if you think I didn't notice that at some point, despite your constant attempts to hide it, then you must think I'm dense. You keep Your answers rather short, you don't know a whole lot about how society works….” She smiled. Taking a pause and rubbing her hands together nervously, as if she wasn't sure if she had crossed a line or not as Bucky was not exactly the easiest person to read. But she couldn't seem to stop herself from finishing her thoughts.

“Plus, I saw your face a few months back in the Captain America exhibit in the Smithsonian, and your face isn't easy to forget” Bucky had wanted to be offended by her explanation, but he couldn't be. He had honestly more relieved that she wasn't attempting to leave or ‘ghost’ him (A term he had learned the previous week from Y/N) He should have realized that he couldn't hide the obvious stuff from her like his arm, or his museum presence. A small part of the back of his mind at the time was a little concerned that his story was in an exhibit, but that was a concern for a different day. At the moment he was more focused on Y/N. He looked at her curiously. He used to be a Russian assassin, who's killed more people than he even knew. He was brainwashed and a danger to society according to, well everyone, why wasn’t she running scared? Or did she not know about that specific part of him? “You’ve never said anything” He eventually came up with, not knowing where to take the conversation from there. “I figured you’d tell me when you're comfortable. I’m not one to need immediate answers, we all go through stuff, you, way more than most. I’m not gonna bring up stuff that you don’t want to talk about” She explained, looking at him straight in the eyes so he could see how serious she was. Her explanation put a smile on his face at how innocently sweet she was. He couldn't help but wonder if she was like this around everyone or just him? “You’re not terrified of me?” He asked. Smile dropping. “Terrified? What reason have you given me to be terrified?” She asked, seemingly genuinely confused at Bucky's questions “Everything I’ve done” he responded, tearing his eyes away from hers in embarrassment. Someone like him, should not be with her. She deserved better than a monster like him. “I don’t know that side of you Buck, I got to know you before I figured out your super side. And what I got to know was this kind, sweet and caring man. To me, that's what you are, nothing else, until you show me something else.” He didn’t think it was possible but everything he felt towards the women had grown tenfold. So on that days walk, for the first time, Bucky did most of the talking. Indulging into his life story. Skipping over the parts he didn’t want to talk about. Y/N not seeming to mind at all. He started off with his childhood. Basically anything pre-war. The good stuff. Many of it memories Bucky had stopped himself from thinking about since he got them back. She invited him over for dinner. And Buck continued talking into the late hours of the night. He talked until Y/N fell asleep on her couch. She was the first person that Buck told almost everything too. More than he told SHIELD, more than he told the other Avengers. The only person who knew as much as Y/N now was Steve. The two had had their friendship for 6 months when Bucky finally decided that he couldn’t ignore these feelings any longer. He was going to ask her on a date. An official date. They were on there Saturday walk and at the end is when he had built up the courage to ask her. “Hey, Y/N… I was wondering if you'd wanna go on a date...with me tomorrow night?” He asked. “A date? Haven't we been on dates?” She asked-head cocked to the side. “No, I mean an official date where I ask you, and pick you up while being fancily dressed and we go to dinner and then another activity” He tried again, still with confidence in his voice. “Why the formal asking?” She blushed, giving Bucky the sign that maybe she had similar feelings that he did. “Because I enjoy being around you. You’ve helped me in more than I could even fathom and over these six months, I've had feelings, that I never thought I was going to get to feel again. I’ve decided that I want to act on those feelings and for you and me to have a real relationship. And I don’t know how these things have changed in the last 70 years but usually, a date is the first step in that direction” He rambled, trying to sum up all the reasons he wanted to date her, call her his girlfriend. There was a single beat of silence, enough to think that maybe she was going to turn him down. “I would love to go on a real date with you Bucky. But I have a single request” she giggled. Bucky wanted to jump up and down in excitement like a little kid. His heart swelled and all he wanted to do was pick up the girl and spin her in a circle. But instead, he contained himself and nodded his head, telling her to go ahead with her request. “We have to set the date after I get back from this weekend” “Where are you going this weekend?” He had been waiting months for a real date, he didn't mind pushing it back a few more days and he hoped that his question did not come off as angry. “I have to go give a speech at a conference,” she said in an annoying tone while rolling her eyes. “How’d you get dragged into that?” He chuckled at her reaction, she wasn't normally one to get annoyed about anything, so this was rather foreign for him. “Apparently it’s ‘highly recommend’ when you have the best AP Chem scores in the state. It makes the school look good...I act annoyed but honestly I don’t really mind” she shrugged as she shoved her hands in her pockets. “Well that sounds thrilling” the sarcastic words left his mouth. Causing the girl to lightly slap his real arm. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s the most dangerous thing a person like me could do.” She spoke with a sense of fake seriousness in her voice. “I bet. Not like you’re talking to a person who’s been on more life-threatening missions then you could imagine” Bucky smiled enjoying the girl's enthusiasm and the fact that he was getting to the point where he could openly and jokingly talk about his past. “How dare you mock my dangerous task. You don’t know what I’ll be facing.” She claimed in a dramatic voice as if she was going on a secret mission. Bucky opened his mouth to give another sarcastic response but was cut off. “No, don’t speak…. Bucky, if I don’t make it out of there. Remember I love you” she joked with him. Bucky knew the words were only friendly but he couldn’t stop the warm feeling that filled his chest. That was the last real thing she has said to him, other than the goodbyes before she left for her conference. The last conversation the two had shared. The last conversation the two were ever going to share. As Bucky straightens his tie. He wiped away the tears in his eyes. Took a deep breath thinking about there last conversation. A conversation he could no longer find amusing as those last words were filled with unknown irony. Bucky looked at the little sheet of paper in his hand checking to make sure the address was right. RIVERSIDE BAPTIST CHURCH. He knew he was in the right place as he watched the numerous amounts of people walk into the building, all in black tie dress. Bucky couldn't help but let out a little chuckle at the venue. Bucky knew through there time spent together that Y/N wasn't particularly religious despite the fact that her family was. He couldn't help but think she wouldn't like this. All the attention is on her, especially in a church setting. As he walked inside and saw the setup. The picture, the flowers, the casket. His body had physically stopped moving, he fought back the tears that wanted to come out. It really had happened, sure he heard about, and read about it, cried about it. He thought he had accepted what happened, but being here. Seeing what was in front of him. It all became real, there was no way to convince himself otherwise. It made him want to vomit. It had been a car accident. On the way home from her conference, her uber had slid on some ice and flipped killing both the driver and Y/N. Bucky only found out about it because of the local news. The funeral had been mentioned in the newspaper and Bucky knew he had to go. Even if he wouldn't know anyone else or get to speak about how much she meant to him. If there were even words to do so. He had to go to make sure it was real. So here he was, looking at the casket of the girl whom he loved. The girl who meant everything to him. Now she was gone, and for the first time since he found out, Bucky realized that he really wasn't okay, the more real it started to feel, the more he wanted to leave. She was his rock that kept him tied down. What was he supposed to do now without her here? Bucky, forced himself to look anywhere but her. First for a seat, which he decided should be in the back of the church as he figured there were probably more important people that wanted to sit up close. Then he forced his eyes to look at the people who came to mourn Y/N. Bucky didn't know what to expect, she was the perfect person, why wouldn't there be a million people at her funeral? But yet the copious amounts of people that had shown up still really threw Bucky for a loop. Young kids, a lot of teenagers, who Bucky assumed were Y/N students and by the sounds of it even some of the more troublesome kids had shown up for the teacher. Adults her age, older adults, senior citizens. Bucky then set the task to try and figure out who her family was before the funeral started. The ceremony was nice. Y/N was talked about and celebrated, as she should have been. Lots of people gave speeches talking about her many accomplishments and community service. Bucky almost fell out of place, like he shouldn't be there. Sure he knew a ton about her. But no one knew about them, no one knew who he was. Bucky was never around for the important parts of her life. Sure he had heard about them, but he was never around for them. He wanted to be though. He wanted to be her significant other and meet her family, and be an important person in her life. He even had a plan to do so. But apparently, the two weren't meant to be as Y/N lay dead in a casket not 30 feet away from where the soldier sat. Once the ceremony was over everyone shuffled out of the church, ready to walk to the cemetery where Y/N would be buried. The only sounds were the shuffling of people and murmured voices as they made there way out of the church. Bucky waiting until closer to the end. He kept waiting for anyone to ask who he was, but it seemed that no one even gave him a second glance. Other than one of the teenagers who stood behind the pack of his classmates. Short with brown hair, couldn't be older than 15. He was standing with what seemed to be a friend. But as they carried on there conversation and walked past Bucky, the kid gave a second glance to the super soldier, as if the kid knew who Bucky was. But quickly the kid turned back and walked out of the building. As they all stood around the grave, Bucky near the back again, some more people spoke as before the casket was closed, Bucky decided not to look, he couldn't. He didn't want his beautiful memory of her to be tarnished by what she looked like dead. As she was lowered into the ground Bucky could no longer hold back his tears. The only person he thought he would ever care for, was dead, leaving him alone in this world, again. Why did this keep happening to him? The process of getting her buried was tedious, it felt like a lifetime. He knew it was selfish but he was waiting for everyone to leave so he could be alone with her like they always had been. Eventually, little by little, everyone trickled away, most of them to go to the reception, a few stayed to speak to the woman's grave. Bucky kept his distance, not wanting to seem out of place. Finally, there was just two left. Bucky, and the kid that caught his eye earlier. The kid wasn't talking to her grave, he was just staring with wet eyes. Bucky decided it was okay to finally walk up to the burial site. Next to the kid, but a safe distance away. “Was she a good teacher?” He asked the kid in a quiet voice. “The absolute best, you couldn't find anyone better” He immediately responded. “Are you just saying that because she's gone?” Bucky asked, hoping the kid didn't mind his bluntness. The kid didn't seem too. “No, Obviously you knew her. Do you think she would be a bad teacher?” He shot back. This question threw Bucky off, but not in a bad way. He appreciated the boy's wit. With a small smirk, he responded back. “No, I think she would have been a great teacher.” “She cared about us. Checked in on us. Would give the best, most inspiring speeches you've ever heard. You couldn't pay attention to her you know? She was passionate about what she taught, and have you ever taken chemistry? It's not something that easy to get passionate about. But on top of that, she took the time to learn ways to get all of us passionate about the subject. I've known her a long time and of all the people in the world. She definitely didn't deserve this.” The boy spoke, tears escaping his eyes. Even Bucky could tell that Y/N was more than just a teacher to him. Bucky loved that Y/N affected all these people in such a good way. It wasn't just him, apparently, she was like this with everyone, and he was beyond glad because it means everyone got to see the best parts of her. Bucky just nodded his head. Not a word needed to be spoken between them, just mutual understanding as both their eyes stayed glued to the grave. “How did you know her?” The kid spoke, as he seemed to get through his processing, his eyes glancing up to the soldier, but not without taking a second glance at where his metal arm would be, had it not been covered by a coat and hand in the coat pocket. Bucky brushed the look off, telling himself it was just coincidence. “She was a... “ He started to say but stopped when he couldn't find the right words. There was no one word to describe who Y/N was to Bucky. She was his everything, but he knew he couldn't use that word. He wanted to say girlfriend, but that would have been inaccurate. “She was a really good friend” He settled on, wanting to cringe as he knew that description wasn't correct. The kid nodded. Eyes trailing back to the grave one more time. “Well, I've seen you waiting for a long time, I assume to be alone with her, so I'll go talk to my uncle and leave you two alone,” The boy said before turning and walking away from the grave. Bucky turned his head slightly to watch the kid walk away, confused about what he meant by talking to his uncle, there was no one else around. but as soon as he was out of hearing distance, Bucky forgot about the kid completely before turning back to Y/N. He stood in silence, just staring for the longest time, not knowing what to say. “You know, out of all the scenarios I ran through in my head about how we could have played out... Us dating, maybe getting married, breaking up, you run like hell after you found out the truth about me… Even the possibility of me dying came up. But out of everything, I sat in bed and thought about at night, you dying on me, was never one of them because you lived such a safe life. I'm sorry this happened. If I could trade us out, I would in a heartbeat, you deserved better. So, so much better. I'm sorry…. I'm so so sorry” When the words stopped pouring out of his mouth. Bucky then realized he was crying as the tears slipped down his cheeks and suddenly it became incredibly hard to breathe. Within a few seconds, he was sobbing on his knees, hand covering his mouth. Unable to keep anything in any longer. Finally accepting the fact that she was gone. Those were the only words he spoke too her. Yet, he stayed by her grave for hours on end. Trying so hard to come to terms with what happened crying stopping for only a few minutes, before starting up again in a never-ending cycle. It was when day turned to night, and the temperature dropped to below freezing, did Bucky even consider leaving. Even then it took him another few hours to even move. Eyes glued on the flowers stacked high on the pile of dirt that covered the women who held his heart. Only when Steve had called him, did he decide to actually go, taking everything he had to look away from the gravestone, and walk away from his love and head back home? No looking up, not feeling anything. He stood outside his and Steve's apartment door for minutes, not ready to face a million questions that Steve was gonna ask him out of concern. Eventually, he decided that he had to go in at some point and so his ripped off the band-aid and walked in. “Where have you been all day?” Steve asked from the couch. “What are you an overprotective parent?” Bucky smiled at his best friend. This caused Steve to break his concerned look, instead of giving Bucky a smile that took him back to the 1940s. When times were simpler. “I just get worried is all” He admitted throwing his hands in the air. “I'm good… I was… Just visiting an old friends grave” Bucky confessed to Steve. Memories of the girl, and what had happened to flood back into him. Causing him to let out a heavy sigh. Bucky watched as Steves' face fell again. Memories of his own flooding into his eyes. There was a silence in the air as the two were trapped in their own thoughts for a while. Bucky getting changed and joining Steve on the couch. Head threw up to the ceiling. “Hey, do you wanna bring me to the gym with you this week?” Bucky asks out suddenly. “The gym, I thought you were done with all that,” Steve said giving a questioning glance to his best friend. “I thought I wanted to be, but I need something to occupy my times, and I think I'm done with walks for a while… There's nothing there for me anymore.”

#sophs15k #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #MCU #captain america #bucky imagine #writing challenge

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tacky-sock · 6 years

Text

Comfort in a friend

As you can see I suck at titles

Anyway, I wrote a little bnha drabble inspired by beautiful art from the lovely @eeshalies I hope you like it.

PAIRINGS:

Platonic Shoto Todoroki/Eijiro Kirishima, suggested Shoto Todoroki/Izuku Midoria, Katsuki Bakugo/Eijiro Kirishima

SUMMARY:

This takes place right after Bakugo is kidnapped. Class 1-A is at the hospital and Todoroki can’t sleep. Neither can Kirishima. And so a chance meeting spawns Bakugo’s rescue plan.

And now, on to the story!

How did we get to Kirishima and Todoroki working together for Bakugo?

Like this.

Todoroki had been wandering the halls of the hospital for what felt like hours and simultaneously no time at all. The U.A. students and their teachers had arrived at the hospital sometime in the wee hours of that morning and those with injuries were immediately taken off to be assessed. At some point after that, Todoroki learned that Izuku had been rushed into emergency surgery to try and save his hands. After Todoroki had been determined relatively uninjured, cared for, and released to his room for the night, he’d laid down and attempted to get his exhausted body to sleep. That lasted for about 30 minutes before he woke up sweating to the image of Izuku’s screaming face wreathed in horrible blue fire.

After that, sleep wasn’t really an option anymore.

And so he’d taken to wandering. Pacing the halls of the labyrinthine hospital and going over the previous night’s events again and again in his head. Thinking about what could have gone better, trying not to think about what could have gone worse. Hunched shoulders and hands in pockets, worrying about Izuku and Momo and of course Bakugo, as annoying as he sometimes may be. Bakugo... where had the Leauge taken him? What might they do to him to try and convince him to join their side? Todoroki’s face hardened. Whatever they did, Bakugo wouldn’t budge. He was sure of that. Bakugo was the most unreasonably stubborn and prideful person Todoroki had ever met. And that included himself. Unfortunately, he was also sure that Bakugo would rather die than become a villain, and that’s what he was afraid of. Maybe-

“Todoroki?” Todoroki stopped, turning to look behind him. Kirishima stood about two yards away with surprised look on his face. His hair was down and hung in, unnaturally red, waves over his face, partially hiding his eyes and casting his face in shadow. He looked tired, and sad, and his brown cheeks were flushed red as though he might have just been crying. Todoroki turned fully around and regarded Kirishima inquisitively,

“Kirishima.” He said, nodding to the other boy, “What are you doing out here it’s...” he looked at his wrist before realizing he had taken his watch off for to bed and didn’t actually know what time it was. “...early. I think.” He finished, glancing to the side to look out the long windows that ran the length of the hall at chest level. Cold, foggy daylight lit the world in a bleak, soft sort of white, making Todoroki’s already pale skin look sallow and colorless. If he had to guess, it was probably around 5 am. Kirishima laughed, a humorless little chuckle, and looked at the floor. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets and muttered,

“I could ask you the same question.” Todoroki shrugged and walked up to him so that they weren’t standing so awkwardly far apart,

“I couldn’t sleep.” He said by way of explanation. “And sitting still wasn’t getting me anywhere.” Kirishima scowled, still looking at the ground.

“Walking around like this isn’t getting me anywhere either.” He said as though to himself, “I can’t do anything and it’s making me sick.” Suddenly, he looked up at Todoroki, eyes glinting with an anger Todoroki’d never seen in the usually happy go lucky boy. He looked like he was burning up from the inside out. “I can’t do anything Todoroki. Nothing. I’m completely useless just waiting around here while-“ He broke off, and looked down again. Todoroki’s eyebrows furrowed in concern as his mind raced for the proper response. Kirishima was obviously upset but god damnit he didn’t know what to do. No one had ever talked to him like this before. Was comforting friends in pain something you were supposed to learn how to do in your childhood?

“They took him.” Kirishima’s whisper brought Todoroki’s train of thought to a screeching halt. “They- god Todoroki.” Kirishima’s voice broke and he dug a hand out of his pocket to wipe at his face. He was still staring determinedly at the floor but Todoroki could hear the thickness of tears in his trembling words. “Bakugo,” Kirishima whispered as his tears hit the wooden floorboards of the hospital hallway. “Katsuki. I lost him. He was out there fighting, you were out there fighting for him and I did nothing.” He spat the last word out of his mouth as if it were something nasty. “I sat there in that classroom and I did NOTHING!” He was yelling now, hands balled into fists at his sides. Not yelling at Todoroki exactly, but to him. “I could have fought harder to leave, I could have snuck out, I could have never come back to the building in the first place to hide like a fucking coward,” he sniffed and rubbed at his eyes with his clenched fist, “but I fucking didn’t. And now he’s gone and they’ve taken him from me to who knows where and they’re doing who knows what to him and-“ Kirishima pressed his palms to his eyes and let out a strangled sort of yell in frustration.

Gently, slowly, unsure if this was the right thing to do, Todoroki placed a comforting hand on Kirishima’s shoulder, attempting to rub soft little circles into it the way he remembered Izuku doing for him once. Kirishima stilled under his hand, and for a moment Todoroki was worried he’d done something wrong, before Kirishima launched himself forward, wrapping his arms haphazardly around Todoroki and pressing his tearstained face into Todoroki’s turtleneck. Carefully, Todoroki returned the impromptu embrace, pulling Kirishima closer and running a hand through his hair. The hand on Kirishima’s shoulder continued it gentle circles as Todoroki tried his best to soothe his aching friend. Quiet sobs wracked through the shorter boy and he clung to Todoroki with all of his considerable strength. Todoroki shushed quietly into Kirishima’s red hair, hoping against hope that he was doing this right.

“We’re gonna get him back Eijiro,” Todoroki promised, reasoning they were close enough to use first names by now, “It’s okay.” Todoroki felt Kirishima’s jaw move as he ground his sharp teeth together. Kirishima took a big breath and let it out slowly, deflating under Todoroki’s arms.

“But what if…” Kirishima’s voice was still choked with tears and he took a shaky breath to try and stabilize himself, “What if he hates me?” he whispered into the blue fabric of Todoroki’s turtleneck. “What if Katsuki won't speak to me anymore because I just left him? I wasn't there for him when he needed me and now he’s been kidnapped what if-”

“Stop.”

Kirishima looked up at Todoroki in surprise, silent tears still making tracks down his face. Todoroki smoothed over Kirishima’s head with the hand that was still in his hair and gave him a look. “Do you seriously think Bakugo could just stop talking to you?” Kirishima’s cheeks colored and he looked away but Todoroki wasn’t done. “You’re his best friend Eijiro, not to mention I'm pretty sure the two of you are soulmates or something.” Kirishima’s eyes widened as the tears began to stop and they darted over to stare at Todoroki in shock. Todoroki gave him his best comforting smile; the one he’d been practicing. “So don’t waste your time worrying about that. You know there’s no way Bakugo could really get mad at you anyway.” Slowly, Kirishima nodded, letting go of Todoroki to wipe the rest of the tears from his cheeks.

“Thanks Shoto.” He whispered. Todoroki squeezed his shoulder one last time before letting go, suddenly feeling awkward and out of place again. Kirishima sniffled one last time before lifting a smile onto his face.

“Sorry about your shirt man,” he laughed, blush still high on his cheeks, “That wasn’t very manly of me.” Todoroki shrugged it off saying simply,

“What are friends for?”

Together they walked back to the wing where the U.A. students had been assigned chambers, both feeling very tired and emotionally drained now. Just before Kirishima left to go to his room, Todoroki stopped him.

“Hey Kirishima?” He asked as Kirishima turned back around,

“What's up dude?” Todoroki gave a quick glance up and down the hallway before he said quietly,

“I think I have a plan to rescue Bakugo, but we’ll need Momo’s help. And bringing Izu- I mean Midoria would probably be a good idea too.” Kirishima’s expression hardened into one of fierce determination. That anger was back, like hellfire in his crimson irises.

“Okay.” he said, “I’m down. Let’s hear it.”

I HOPE YOU LIKED IT HERES A LINK TO THE ART GO LOVE IT OK BYEEEE

https://eeshalies.tumblr.com/post/182335000529/kirishima-almost-immediately-after-bakugous

#ok this sucks #but idk how to make it sound better #whatever #sock talk #sock writes #bnha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #shoto todoroki #kirishima eijirou #katsuki bakugou #kiribaku

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