#i may not show it 100% but i have this ending stuck in my brain and my eyes it has been weeks and ive not recovered

[aq2003]

「刃渡り2億センチ」 - Chainsaw Man ED3

[vidduality]

SPOILERS for Episode 6 of the Avatar Live Action series

AKA why this episode makes me SO grateful for this adaptation (re: the Zuko flashbacks and the Agni Kai).

----

Wow.

I admit, I was really worried at the idea that Zuko might potentially fight back in the Agni Kai against his father in the live action. I expected to HATE it, and it's certainly a bold change, but it fits in SO WELL with why Zuko is the way that he is (and why he works so hard to push down his empathy whenever Aang tries to reason with him).

The Agni Kai - Zuko obviously did NOT want to fight his father. He still tried to apologize and beg for mercy, but in the end he was just too terrified of his father to disobey a direct order.

But when Ozai left him an opening to see what he'd do with it, Zuko couldn't bring himself to actually land a blow that might burn him. Making his lack of ruthlessness the weakness that Ozai ends up mutilating him for - even straight up telling Zuko that compassion is weakness and then demonstrating by holding his own child down and lighting him on fire - adds a layer of depth that only enhances the original scene (and in another stroke of genius, we see Ozai nearly in tears himself. He's convincing himself of this lesson as well as Zuko, which was likely passed down to him by his own father). Honestly, this to me is even more heartbreaking than Ozai burning him for refusing to stand and fight. Zuko did everything his father asked and he still failed, because his family has distorted what it means to be honorable and believes Zuko's capacity for mercy to be a shameful weakness unbecoming of an heir to the throne.

The 41st Division - And here come the waterworks. Assigning the very people Zuko was hurt so severely for trying to save to his ship as it's being cast out of the fire nation (presumably forever, with the Avatar not having been seen in 100 years) is SUCH a brilliant addition. His crew resents Zuko for being stuck on this impossible mission with this bratty, angry child. And Zuko is too ashamed of his "weakness" to explain why they were assigned to him.

I can totally see Zuko's hurt at their lack of respect making him even more angry (especially after everything he went through to save them from being sacrificed), and his seemingly irrational anger at them just continuing to make them resent him more in a neverending feedback loop of anger and disrespect that's been growing and festering for 3 years.

Which makes the scene at the end when Zuko's crew finally learns about how he saved their lives (as well as why he's obsessed with the avatar, why he's banished, what his scar means and why he's trying so very hard to rid himself of empathy, even if he can never quite manage it when it counts) so much more impactful. I SOBBED when the 41st Division stood at attention and showed him their utmost respect and loyalty, possibly for the first time since they've been on that ship. Zuko's soft "what's going on?" at finally being honored by his crew is just imprinted on my brain.

The seed of the idea that his compassion may NOT actually be what was shameful about his banishment afterall can finally begin to take root.

I just, damn, I love this episode so much.

[monzabee]

déjà vu (beyoncé’s version) – ln4

masterlist

Summary: The one where a bad prank leads to you and Lando exploring an option you thought was not an option.

Pairing: lando norris x bestfriend!reader (nicknamed Tink)

Word Count: 5.2k

Warnings: smut elements but no actual smut, cursing, pining and of course fluff!

Request: “Haiiii. I love your style of writing Lando and feel like you would 100% do a request justice to scratch the itch in my brain Reader and him have been childhood friends, mutual pining with some sexual tension but never crossed lines other than a new years kiss with friends etc. So reader ends up training and qualifying as a physio/masseuse and travelling with Lando bc fun besties on tour together yay! Thinking she ends up getting to know his body really well from that and has to massage some intimate area- tension builds blah. They have a cosy night in together after front row quali to prep for the race, face masks cuddles bc really physically comfortable together and then some confessions happen. After this going out to celebrate home race (not jinxing tomorrow!!) and reader ends up dancing with another driver, Lando gets jealous fully opens up and they go home together (as much detail on that as you feel comfortable with) No probs if it’s something you don’t feel inspired to write! Pls continue writing whatever you love because I love to read your stuff!!”

Author’s Note: hi, hey, hello!! am i back after a literal month of no fics?? i hope so!! thank you so much for being patient with me you guysi i appreciate it, and i just want to say that this was the first time i wrote for lando (and you can definitely thank @userlando and her lando brainrot posts for that) and i’m kind of obsessed!! so as always, thank you to the anon for the request, and i hope you guys enjoy! good morning, noon or night wherever you are, xoxobee

Please also note that all of my works are protected under copyright, and not available for reposting on other platforms. 

Being friends with Lando has resulted in both of you getting in trouble way too many times, you realise. The most recent case? The both of you ended up in a supply closet nearby the Aston Martin hospitality, hiding from a very, very, angry Spaniard. The close proximity and the limited space wouldn’t have been a big issue, for if Lando wasn’t looking at you with that look in his eyes. Under normal other circumstances, your reaction would’ve been much more different to the one you give him now – which is a glare that shows him you are not happy with the situation the both of you are in.

You’re about to scold him, but the words on your tongue quickly die as he presses his index finger to your lips. “I know you’re about to yell at me,” he whispers as he tries to keep his voice as low as possible, “but I really don’t want to be found right now.”

“Then maybe you should’ve thought about that before, you bloody idiot.” You hiss while slapping his hand away, which wins you a mock pout in return. “Why would you play that song every time he walked into a room?”

“It’s his name,” Lando tries to reason, “I thought he’d be used to it by now!”

Here’s the sitch. Lando, being the absolute prankster he is, decided to play ‘Fernando’ every time his former teammate entered into a room that morning – which resulted in the Spaniard becoming more and more annoyed with him until he snapped and Lando had to find himself a hiding place. How did you get roped into this, you may ask? You have absolutely no idea, other than your best friend dragging you into a nearby storage closet as you were walking back to the McLaren hospitality after meeting up with some of your friends for a cup of coffee. And now? The two of you are stuck inside a closet which is obviously too small for you both, and Lando has to bend his neck in an uncomfortable position.

“Lando,” you whisper in an attempt to keep your voice down, “don’t bend your head like that, you’ll strain something.”

“Well it’s not exactly comfortable, Tink.” He grimaces as one of the shelves hit his neck, which causes him to let out a low groan.

Ignoring the nickname he’s used for years, you motion him to move lower. “Just– let me see, okay?”

He begrudgingly nods as he bends his body towards you to accommodate you. You let your fingers run across his skin to find any knots along his shoulders. He lets out another low groan, but this one is more appreciative as you work some of the knots your fingers end up finding.

You watch as Lando’s expression changes from painful discomfort to relief as your fingers work their magic on his tense muscles. For a brief moment, it's just the two of you in the confined space, and you almost get lost in the comfortable silence. “Feels good,” Lando murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper, “I swear you have magic hands or something.”

You let out a breathy chuckle, “I just know your body, Lando.” After realising the words that come out of your mouth, your face flushes with embarrassment at the unintended implication of your words and you scramble to add, “Not like that, I didn’t mean–”

He smirks playfully, his eyes sparkling mischievously. “Oh, really? My body, huh? You think about my body often?” he teases, his hands squeezing your waist – and being lost in the moment, you don’t even know how they ended up there.

Your cheeks grow even hotter, and you feel your heart rate quicken. “No, that's not what I meant,” you stammer, trying to regain your composure, “and you know it’s basically my job to think about, you know?”

The mischievous glint in his eyes shine brightly as he decides to play dumb, “To think about what, baby?”

Your heart skips a beat at his teasing, and you can't help but let out a small laugh, trying to hide your embarrassment. “Don't be ridiculous, Lando,” you retort, trying to act cool despite the butterflies in your stomach. “I meant knowing your body like an expert, considering the fact that you pull a muscle every time you decide to do a physical activity.”

He chuckles, and his hands, still resting on your waist, give you a playful squeeze. "Sure, sure, Tink," he replies, a hint of playfulness in his voice. "But let's be honest, it's not just my body you know well. You practically read my mind too."

You roll your eyes, trying to playfully push him away. "Oh, please. You're not that hard to figure out."

Lando leans in a little closer, his grin still evident. "Is that so? Then tell me, oh expert of Lando Norris, what am I thinking right now?"

You raise an eyebrow, not falling for his trick. "You're probably thinking that you got away with the Fernando prank and now you owe me big time, your brain is empty most of the time."

He smirks, impressed by your response. "You're good, Tink. But you're right, I do owe you one. What can I do to make it up to you?"

You pause, the closeness between the two of you making it difficult to think clearly. "Well, for starters, maybe you can stop dragging me into your pranks and getting us into trouble," you suggest with a hint of a smile. “And I don’t know, maybe take pole for me, you know?”

As the playful banter continues, you both seem to forget about the predicament you're in. The confined space of the closet no longer feels suffocating; instead, it becomes a haven for shared laughter and camaraderie.

Just as the two of you are lost in the moment, the closet door suddenly opens, and you both freeze. The angry Spaniard stands before you once again, but this time, his expression has softened, seeing you and Lando in a surprisingly intimate moment.

"Am I interrupting something?" Fernando asks, his tone amused.

Your face turns beet red, and Lando lets out a nervous chuckle. "Oh, hey there. Just having a chat, you know."

But Fernando raises an eyebrow, still looking amused. "In a supply closet?"

You and Lando exchange a sheepish glance, realizing how the situation must appear to Fernando. "Well, we kind of got caught up in the moment," you admit, hoping he doesn't read too much into it.

Fernando chuckles, and there's a warm glint in his eyes. "I see. Well, it's none of my business, but you might want to find a less cramped place to chat next time."

You nod in agreement, grateful that Fernando seems to be taking the situation lightly. "You're right. We'll keep that in mind," you say, trying to sound casual.

Lando adds with a grin, "Yeah, and we promise not to play 'Fernando' every time you enter a room from now on." But he’s quick to correct himself when you give him a glare, “I promise not to play 'Fernando' every time you enter a room from now on."

Fernando chuckles again, seemingly amused by the whole ordeal. "I'd appreciate that. Anyway, carry on. I won't keep you two any longer."

As he walks away, you let out a sigh of relief. "That could have been a lot worse," you say, feeling a mix of embarrassment and amusement.

"Yeah, we got lucky," Lando agrees, giving you a playful nudge. "But you know what they say, Tink, nothing like a bit of closet bonding to strengthen a friendship."

You roll your eyes at his playful banter, but there's a fondness in your heart as you look at him. "You're incorrigible, Lando Norris."

He grins, "You love it, though."

You can't help but smile, knowing he's right. “Come on,” you say, “you have a quali to attend.”

The tension from the qualifying session had left you on edge, your heart pounding with every lap, and your nerves had gotten the better of you, leading to some slightly bloody nails from biting them in anticipation. But all that anxiety melts away when you see Lando step out of the car, grinning ear to ear. As soon as he catches sight of you, he opens his arms, and you don't hesitate for a moment. You rush into his embrace, holding him tightly, relieved that he's safe and thrilled that he performed so well.

"You were amazing out there!" you exclaim, unable to hide the pride in your voice. "P2, front row! That's incredible!"

Lando chuckles, his arms still wrapped around you. "I don’t know how we did it!"

You pull back slightly to look into his eyes, your heart swelling with admiration for your best friend. "I never doubted you for a second," you say earnestly.

His grin widens, and he playfully ruffles your hair. "I know you didn't. Seems like you’re my lucky charm, hm?"

“You know what that means?” You ask him return, a playful smirk on your lips.

His answer comes quickly, and his look seems to reflect your own, “Pizza and a movie?”

Your reply is just as enthusiastic as you throw your arms around him and give him a big smile, “Pizza and a movie, baby!”

Eventually, you manage to escape the whole hustle and bustle of the circuit, and you and Lando find yourselves back at the hotel, with you on the couch trying to find something to watch and him deciding to take a quick shower after the stressful day of qualifying. After a few minutes, you hear the sound of the shower running in the bathroom. You smile to yourself, glad that Lando is taking some time to relax after such a demanding day. As you wait for him to finish, you finally settle on a movie to watch with a small grin on your face, clearly pleased with your choice. Just as you're about to start the movie, you hear the bathroom door open, and Lando emerges, looking refreshed and relaxed.

After he gets the pizza box out of the oven, he walks over to the couch, wearing sweatpants instead of his jeans, and flops down next to you. "That shower was exactly what I needed," he says with a contented sigh.

You chuckle, glancing at him, while also trying to actively ignore the fact that he’s wearing grey sweatpants. "Feeling better now?"

"Definitely," he replies, flashing you a grin. "So, what are we watching?"

“Mamma Mia,” you scoff, “of course.”

“A classic, nice.” He nods in understanding, extending the pizza box to you for you to take a slice. “It’s still warm.”

You wordlessly grab a slice and pass the box back to Lando as you settle in your seat, ready to focus on your choice of movie. The comfortable silence between you feels familiar, like the unspoken language of best friends who have shared countless memories and moments together. Throughout the movie, you can't help but notice Lando's occasional stolen glances at you, and you find yourself stealing glances right back. He even winks at you with that boyish grin every time he catches you staring at him, making you giggle as you quickly turn your attention back onto the screen. You somehow find yourself sprawled out on the couch once the pizza box is emptied and discarded, and it’s harder for you to keep your eyes open. With your head on Lando’s lap, he plays with the ends of your hair as the two of you try to keep your attention on the screen.

‘Try,’ being the operative word here, since Lando realises that you end up falling asleep in the middle of the movie where Sophie realises all of the men she invited to the wedding thinks they are her father, and though he finds some kind of comfort in the chaos knowing that it will get resolved eventually, he can’t help but take his role as a makeshift human pillow very seriously. As the movie continues playing, Lando tries his best not to disturb your peaceful slumber. He leans back against the couch, adjusting his position so you can rest more comfortably on his lap while also trying so hard to not wake you up. He can't help but smile to himself as he plays with your hair, finding himself mesmerized by the gentle rise and fall of your chest as you breathe.

With a sudden realisation that maybe it is not the best thing to stare at you while you sleep, he tries to occupy himself with something on his phone while also trying to keep still so that you don’t wake up. However, the text thread between him and Max quickly makes him realise that the thoughts that he tries so hard to keep away. He never gave himself the opportunity to think about the two of you that way, he supposes. Not that it would be weird or anything, but in his mind, he’d seen, and been in, far too many relationships form and de-form to know that not all is permanent when it comes to relationships and it’s also not something he’d want to risk when it comes to you. Although the unwarranted thoughts of the two of you together, as a couple, have been haunting him for the past couple of months, he did a great job of sending them away and finding something else to focus on – up until now, that is. And now that he’s pictured the two of you together, holding hands in the streets of Monaco, going on dates, doing more than what ‘best friends’ are meant to do, it doesn’t seem that daunting to give it a try.   

He carefully shifts you onto his lap with gentle movements, surprised that you don’t wake up and also trying to figure out the best way to wake you up without startling you. As he gently brushes your cheek, your eyes flutter open, and you look up at him with a sleepy smile. "Did I miss the end of the movie?" you ask, your voice still heavy with sleep.

Lando chuckles, shaking his head, but not stilling the movement of his hand. “No, we just finished. You fell asleep somewhere in the middle.”

You sit up slightly, rubbing your eyes with a small yawn. “I'm sorry,” you say, sounding apologetic.

“No need to apologise,” he assures you, his thumb caressing your cheek. “You looked adorable sleeping, Tink.”

Your cheeks flush slightly, and you give him a playful nudge. “Stop teasing me.”

Lando grins, but there's a tenderness in his eyes as he looks at you. “I'm not teasing, Tink. I mean it. You always look adorable, no matter what you're doing.”

You feel your heart skip a beat at his sincere compliment, and you can't help but smile back. “Thank you,” you say softly, feeling a warmth spreading through you, “I, uh, I should probably go to my room and let you sleep.”

“What? No, you don’t have to go.” Lando’s eyebrows furrow on their own, “I mean, you could stay over, it’s not like we haven’t done it before.”

You give him an unsure look, “I don’t know, Lando, you have a race tomorrow.”

“And we’ll sleep,” he shrugs, “the name ‘sleepover’ implies that, baby.”

You end up giving in and nodding, albeit a little hesitant. "Alright, I'll stay over."

Lando's face lights up with a bright smile, clearly pleased with your decision. "Great! It'll be fun, just like old times."

You chuckle softly. "Yeah, just like old times."

And you’d expect it to feel like the old times, because the two of you said it would be like the old times – the times where you’d spend the night over at his house because his mother picked you up and you didn’t want the playtime to be over. But instead of the excitement of a prolonged play date with your best friend, you find yourself anxious in the hotel bathroom over the fact that it’s him out there, and there is no way that he is not aware of the way you feel about him. You take a moment to compose yourself, splashing some cold water on your face to calm your nerves. This situation is new territory for both of you, and you don't want anything to ruin the friendship the two of you have. When you eventually make your way out of the bathroom, you desperately want to go back in, feeling undoubtedly exposed under Lando’s burning gaze.

“What?” You ask, your voice coming off weaker than you hoped, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

It takes a minute for him to answer you, mainly because of the fact that poor Lando is having a brain malfunction at the sight of you in his shirt – which he gave it to you because it was the only logical option for sleepwear, you know? Suddenly regretting his possessive streak, he attempts to clear his throat, “Nothing, you look good in my clothes.”

Your eyebrows shoot up, and you try not to let yourself become reduced to a blubbering mess, “Oh, well thank you. It’s yours,” after a brief moment of realisation you quickly add, “but you already knew that.”

“Tink,” he calls out, snapping you out of whatever embarrassed state you’re in, and your eyes quickly snap to his. “Come here,” he pleads as he extends one of his towards you, he’s quick to draw you into his arms – and just like that, you find yourself straddling your best friend.

“This is crazy,” you whisper as Lando grabs you by the waist to still your movements as you try to find a comfortable position while not realising just how uncomfortable it becomes for him.

“It doesn’t have to be,” his whisper is just as soft as yours as he looks up to you, “we don’t have to make it weird.”

A compromise, you’ll take it. “Are you going to kiss me?”

“Do you want me to kiss you?” As much as you hate it when he replies to your questions with his own, you nod your head with a sheepish look on your face, though it doesn’t satisfy Lando as a valid answer. “I need you to say it, baby.”

You answer comes of in an instant. “I do, please.”

“Such good manners,” he mumbles while giving you that boyish grin you love oh so much. When he catches biting the corner of your lip, you’re broken out of your daydream by his thumb pulling your lip free. “Don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself,” his thumb caresses the side of your lip, “that’s my job, anyway.”

Your cheeks flush at his playful comment, and you can't help but smile at his words. "Your job, huh?" you tease, feeling the tension in the air starting to dissipate.

Lando chuckles, his fingers gently tracing patterns on your waist. "Among other things," he replies with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Before you give yourself the opportunity to overthink, you lean in and press a soft kiss to Lando’s lips – it’s only a peck, a hesitant one at that, but not completely uncharted territory when you think about it. The two of you have shared kisses before, at Christmas or New Year’s at midnight, but somehow this simple peck feels different than any of those other occasions. Lando doesn’t rush you. He’s a patient man after all, and he knows that the feelings he has for you are reciprocated by the feelings you have for him. So when you look him with widened eyes, he gives you a soft smile and it does wonders to calm your nerves. It doesn’t take you long to press your lips against his once again, but this time the kiss is deeper, more passionate, and filled with the unspoken words that have lingered between you for too long.

It starts off with another peck, but this time you take the initiative to deepen the kiss, and the appreciative groan that leaves Lando’s lips makes you feel butterflies in your stomach. His hands move from your waist to the small of your back, pulling you closer to him, while yours tangle in his hair, revelling in the softness of his curls – and the fact that all of this feels almost familiar in some kind of a way. He’s not shy as he lets his tongue explore your mouth, in fact, he encourages you to do the same. It’s a messy kiss filled with colliding tongues and mixed breaths, and the hands that were on your waist one moment are now on your hips, encouraging their slow movement against his groin. It’s not a subtle build-up for any of you, either. It a matter of seconds, you find yourself dry-humping your childhood best friend in his hotel room, and in a couple more, both of you are whimpering into the kiss.

You’re both out of breath and breathing deeply as you rest your forehead against Lando’s. Thankfully, his hands continue to guide your hips as their movement get more and more erratic, and you him groan out, “Slow down, baby.”

You let out an objective whimper in return, whispering out a weak, “No.”

“No?” Lando repeats, his breath hitting your exposed neck in a light chuckle, “Do you want to come?”

“Uh-huh,” you mumble, letting your hands grab handfuls of his hair, “but you can’t fuck me.”

The whine that comes from your lips can only be described as bratty when Lando forces your hips to cease their movements, raising an eyebrow at you as he grumbles, “Excuse me?”

“You can’t fuck me, Lando.” You mumble, trying to move your hips again, but his hold is too powerful against your attempts. “At least not tonight.”

“And why is that, Tink?” He takes in your wide eyes and shuddering breath in, thinking he’d done something wrong, something you didn’t like. “You want to come, no?” He thinks at that moment, as you give him a nod with that dreamy and almost innocent look on your face, he could die and he’d be happy with where his life has led him, but he gives you a confused look, “Then what is the problem?”

“Um, you have a race tomorrow,” you explain as your fingers gently slide down to meet at the nape of his neck, “I don’t want to jinx anything.”

As a respond to your words, Lando gives you a look of disbelief, “You don’t want to jinx me having a good race,” he mumbles.

You give him another nod, “Are you mad at me?”

 “Am I mad at you?” Lando repeats the question, and he flips the two of you over in a smooth motion so that you're lying on the bed with him hovering above you, his eyes locked onto yours. “Answer the question for me, will you?”

You take a moment to catch your breath, your heart racing as you meet his intense gaze. “No,” you reply softly, your fingers tracing the outline of his jaw. “Why would you be mad at me?”

Lando's lips curve into a playful smile as he leans in, his breath warm against your skin. “See?” he murmurs, his lips brushing against yours, “Good girl.” As he moves down your body, you let out a protesting sound, but he quickly shushes you as he positions himself between your legs. “I’m going to make you come, and you’re not talking to Micheal Italiano ever again.” He taps the side of your hips to signal you to raise them up as he carefully takes off your underwear and then murmurs to himself, “Pretty girl, too.”

With a blush which is quickly spreading onto your cheeks and neck, you raise yourself onto your elbows as you watch him give you the do-over. “Lando,” you plead.

“Oh baby, you're wet,” he teases, “don’t worry, though, I’ll help you with that.” He also gives you a look while grabbing both of your thighs, “And the shirt fucking stays on.”

After the events of the previous night with Lando working wonders between your legs for the remainder of the night, he honestly didn’t expect to start the morning with you returning the favour. Alas there you were, between his legs, with sleepy eyes and an innocent smile as if you hadn’t just given him the best blowjob of his life. And as the two of you make your way along the paddock, he wishes he was back in his hotel room with you in his arms. You try your best to distract him from overthinking everything and costing himself the race, and Lando is aware of what you’re trying to do – though that doesn’t mean you succeed completely.

You can tell by the small frown of eyebrows that he is lost inside his head, probably double guessing every aspect of the strategy his team debriefed him about this morning. With a deep inhale, you give his hand a small squeeze, halting your movements to stop him alongside you. “Hey,” you call out gently, “you’re going to be amazing out there, okay? You have nothing to worry about.”

“I know, it’s just the pressure is getting to me.” You watch him sigh, closing his eyes for a moment to regroup his thoughts, “I’ll be fine before I go in the car, I promise.”

You nod, giving him an encouraging smile, “I know you will. After all, you feel the–”

“Need for speed.” He completes the sentence without thinking, which makes the two of share a short laughter. “Thanks, Tink.”

“You’re welcome,” lifting yourself up on your tiptoes, you give him a soft peck on his lips, “I’ll watch the race with your dad, okay?” You chuckle at his reaction when he lets out a prolonged groan, “What?”

“He’s going to make fun of us, big time.” He says, rolling his eyes.

“Go,” you say in between laughter, “don’t be late and for the love of God, be careful!”

Lando chuckles at your playful warning, giving you a mock salute. “Yes, ma'am!”

It doesn’t take long for you to find Adam, who gives you a knowing look, in the sea of spectators in the McLaren garage. And as the race begins, you and Adam stand side by side, your eyes fixed on the track where the race is unfolding. The first four laps as the Lando leads the race makes your heart beat so hard, you can practically feel the excitement coursing through your veins. Each turn and straightaway that Lando navigates flawlessly adds to the anticipation building in the air. Even when he returns to his original position, you’re on the edge, praying to whatever deity up there for him to finish this race without and incident. You’ve told him million times before that you don’t get F1 at all, you’ve always thought the adrenaline linked with the sport to be a negative feeling – too heavy, too much and definitely not something you want to feel every weekend. But in the moment that Lando passes the finishing line P2, you realise why people are so obsessed with this sport. Because when Lando crosses the finish line, you find yourself cheering as loudly as anyone else. The rush of emotions, once alien to you, now feels like a shared celebration of human achievement and dedication.

Lando is all smiles when he finally finds his way back to you, and he’s giving you a kiss the moment he has you back in his arms; celebrating with the team in the paddock was a whirlwind of emotions. As he wraps his arms around you and pulls you close, his big smile is infectious.

So you’re honestly confused when he starts dragging you through the hallways of the club you went to for his celebrations with the rest of the team. The beat of the music playing back in the dancefloor echoes in the hallway as he leads you down the hall. The lights, the laughter, and the energy of the celebrations in the main area of the club are still audible, but you can only hear the muffled sounds of the celebration being held for him. “Lando,” in hopes of finally getting some answers, you say his name for the umpteenth time, but he just looks at you with furrowed eyebrows, “what’s wrong?”

He's silent as he wraps his arms around your waist and before you can repeat your question he buries his head in the crook of your neck. While you’re thinking about what could’ve caused his sudden need to be alone with you, he’s very glad that you’ve opted to wear sneakers tonight instead of heels.

“Baby,” you murmur, your fingers running through his curls in an attempt to bribe him, “tell me what’s wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong.” His voice is muffled by your skin and you can feel the breath he exhales on your shoulder.

You purse your lips and give him a few moments for him to break on his own, but when he doesn’t, you sigh softly. “Something is wrong.”

He raises his head momentarily to give you an unamused look, then bury his head back into your neck, “I saw you and Oscar.”

“Yeah, we were talking about the race.” Your confirmation leaves you confused as he lets out a scoff, and you find yourself warily asking, “Is there something wrong with that?”

You hear him scoff again and then, “Well I didn’t particularly like it.”

You gently push him off of you as you try to look past his confused expression and pouted lips, “You didn’t like me talking to your teammate… about your race.”

“Well when you put it like that–”

“Lando he is two years younger than us, and he has a girlfriend you do realise that, don’t you?” Your hands rest on either side of your body on your hips as you give him a small grin, “You were jealous, weren’t you?”

His eyes widen as he nods, “Well yeah, Tink, I think that one was very much obvious when I dragged you here.”

“I mean,” you drawl, “it was kind of cute, you know?”

As his eyes narrow, Lando walks you backwards until you’re pressed up against the wall. “Well I am a cute person.”

“Oh yeah,” you let out a giggle, “the cutest.” Your fingers toy with the buttons of his shirt while you look up at him to meet his eyes, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“That we should probably get back to the party?” He mumbles, his eyes drifting as he looks around the hall.

You fist the collar of his shirt as you raise yourself up on your tiptoes, your voice lowering down for only him to hear even if it’s a deserted hallway, “You don’t have a race tomorrow.”

His eyes come back down to meet yours, “Well yes, it’s Mond– oh,” it takes a moment for him to realise what you’ve meant, and you’re thrown over his shoulder in an instant.

“Wha– Lando put me down!” You shriek, “What are you doing?”

His voice is playful as he starts walking towards the back door of the club, “We are not leaving that hotel room for a few days.”  

It doesn’t take long for you to start laughing, “You’re an idiot.”

“Maybe,” he shrugs the opposite shoulder, “but I’m your idiot.”

The sincerity in his words catches you off guard, but you can’t help the small smile forming on your lips as you murmur, “Yeah, yeah you are.”

[lavender-long-stories]

Writing Advice: Getting Words on a Page

With the 75k word count in November and 90k in August, I have been asked questions like how do I keep focus and what do I do when I get stuck. I am going to compile all the advice I have.

Over the last few years, I have posted 700k+ words of fan fiction and have been posting 3 to 6 chapters every week for the last ten months. This is not how to make your writing better. This is how to get words on a page. 

This is not all my original ideas. This is just a collection of things that have worked for me.

I am not sure I am the person to tell you how to make your writing better, but if people want my thoughts on that. I can make that post too.

When inspiration strikes, write like wild. 

If you have the time and you are bitten by the writing bug, keep writing anything while you are in peak form. You will thank yourself later when you feel like you can’t write everything. I have done the extreme version of this where I have a month (four chapters) written ahead of almost everything on my post schedule (you don’t need this), but this was really nice after I brunt out after finishing out the 90k challenge I destroyed myself with in August.

Write in little pockets of time.

You don’t need to sit down and write for two hours. Write 100 words here and 500 there. It will all add up. When I was struggling at the end of the 75k, I would just open a doc every few hours and write half a page until I got distracted and tried again later.

Change your font.

If you are struggling to edit or even just find yourself drifting while writing, change your font. It helps trick your brain into paying attention. (I like doing a mono font like Courier when I need writing vibes. It looks typewriter-y)

Take a shower. 

Not just for shower thoughts, being clean and fresh helps with focus

Get dressed.

I love being comfy, but something about getting dressed makes me feel like I am working and should finish my task. Extra points for it being fun. (Maybe cosplay a pirate or something.)

Move Locations.

Desk, kitchen table, bed, outside: changing location helps move you out of a brain rut.

Handwrite notes.

I take most of my notes on notion, but when I am struggling with my plot, I write out notes by hand, starting with what happened last and continuing from there, writing even things I know will happen. Then I transfer this to my digital notes so they are easier to move around in order, AND a lot of time, I add details when revising them to digital. Double power.

Always, always write down your thoughts and keep them.

Some of my most popular stories came from me rediscovering a 2 am thought that I wrote down six years ago. Keep a notepad next to the bed if you have to.

Change POV

If something is not working in a scene, maybe it is who you have reacting to it. Try switching POV. It helps you think of the scene from another perspective.

Watch a show in your genre.

I watch a lot of the silliest KDrama’s and get lots of romance ideas. Maybe I didn’t think of sending my character to a park or trapping them in a sky lift. Maybe I should add a stalker that sounds fun.

Take your bathroom breaks.

You should always drink lots of fluids and remember to take your bathroom breaks because the brief moment of walking away always gives me an idea.

Skim through the story and make notes on what HAS happened, not just what will happen.

This helps more with my style of having next to no plot outline. Need your next plot point and don’t know where to go? Remember that time they did x? Let’s build off that. This helps intertwine the plot without losing things.

Just read the story back.

You don’t always need to make notes, but sometimes just reading from the beginning can make you pick up on a detail that was unimportant at the time, and you may not even have meant to put in that could have a lot more meaning now. Then, you can call it clever foreshadowing.  

Explain your problem or the scene you are struggling with out loud.

It doesn’t have to be to someone. It could be a glass of water. This is called ‘rubber ducking. It’s a programmer term (hello, that is my day job). Restructuring your problem in a way you have to articulate it most of the time makes the solution come to you.

Try focusing on the scenery.

If you can’t get a scene to work open with the weather or how the floor is creaking under step, give the world a new feeling. How does the person feel about the weather or the temperature of the room? 

Can’t figure out what is wrong? Rewrite the chapter from scratch. 

Open a new doc and rewrite the chapter from memory. I do this a lot in the beginning of a story that didn’t quite hit the way I wanted it to. I will start the chapter from memory and skim the old one to ensure I didn’t miss anything important. Can’t do it from memory? Read a paragraph and write that from memory. 

Take a left turn.

Sometimes, if you can’t go any further, go back a sentence, a paragraph, a scene, a chapter, and just make a different decision. Turn left instead of right. Change how someone reacts to an argument. It opens a whole new lane to go down.

Excited for a scene that is in the future?

Write it! You don’t have to use it word for word in the future. Sometimes, you can copy and paste it in, and sometimes, you can just rewrite it, and you lose none of those thoughts you originally had.  Writing it might remind you of something that needs to happen first to help you get there.

Have more than one story you are working on.

I don’t think you need to be working on four+ stories like I do, but having something to switch to when your brain really isn’t feeling your main is a great way to keep you writing. Call it productive procrastination. This is the REAL reason I have so many stories uploading.  (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

Other Somewhat Related Advice

Context Switching

I work on multiple projects at a time, and I tend not to mix them up because they have a different vibe to me. It feels like stepping into each world.  If you are struggling with context switching between stories, I suggest finding a song or making a playlist that gives you that story’s ‘vibe’ and keeping a link to it in your writing folder or snagging a section of your story that captures the vibe you are going for and keeping it off to the side to reread when you need to switch.

Don’t edit the same day you write.

You’re not going to catch errors. Your brain is too familiar with what you wrote. Also, I recommend Grammarly or another grammar checker for all your missing comma and period needs. (Word, Docs, and any other text editor simply won't bully you enough.)

If you hate editing, don’t leave yourself with a painful amount of editing.

When people ask me how I edit my work, how many passes I take, etc, I tend to disappoint them. The short answer is one read-through (after using a grammar checker).  I learned a LONG time ago that as much as it would be nice to write a bunch of dialog and then tell yourself you will go back to add all the actions or write without quotes because it takes time, you will save yourself a lot of time and pain if you learn to write it correctly the first time and then editing won’t be as much of a chore. I have been writing for years, and I am used to how I write and edit. If you are newer to writing, give it another pass or two, but try to shift some of that work to the writing process, not the editing process.

Make yourself an editing cheat sheet.

Make yourself a doc or a notion of words you notice you use too much or common words you misspell when writing.  I usually make one when I get back and do a post edit (when the story has been up for a while and I get back with fresh eyes and edit it). Reading through your old work and find things that you don’t like or don’t want to do anymore is a great way to build this list and improve your writing.

Now go write.

Got any advice for me? Reblog and tell me.

[andreal831]

Vampire Ages

One of my least favorite arguments in the TVDU fandom is that it's not creepy for 100+/1000+ year old vampires to date minors because they turned as minors.

The reason in real life that there are laws against dating minors is because minors' brains are not fully developed therefore they can be taken advantage of by people who have more life experience/more maturity.

Now people love to say 'their brains stopped developing so they are stuck at the age they turned.' This would cause so many problems if this was true.

First, Stefan says their bodies function much the same as humans as long as they consume blood. While they don't age, their bodies still function, so I would assume their brains can still function/develop.

Second, if their brains stopped developing, any character development would be basically impossible. Most development occurs because of experience and age. If their brains were not able to develop to the point that they still thought and behaved like minors, the development we see in the show would not have occurred. This would mean we would also see problems on the other end with vampires dating adults because "mentally they are teenagers." But they aren't. They don't think or behave like teenagers.

Brain development is not just a physical thing, but a mental thing as well. You can see this with people who experience trauma at young ages and their development gets "stuck" at the age of the trauma. You see this affect them across their behavior, not just the physical development of the brain. But that doesn't mean they aren't still gaining life experiences and maturing in other ways. This is why, even if someone's development is stopped by something like trauma, there aren't exceptions in laws which allow them to be invovled with minors.

It's also not just about age development but power dynamics, so the problems are even worse for vampires who can compel and physically force humans.

This is all why there are problems with the age differences. Sure they may 'look' like minors (which they definitely do not because most of these characters are played by 30 year old men), but they have 100s of years of experience and knowledge over those around them.

Just because their physical features appear 'young' doesn't mean they are young. They have been through so much life that they are mentally more mature and have more life knowledge than a teenager. They can then use these experiences/knowledge to manipulate teens, which they do throughout the show.

And before you say "it's just a show, get over it." I know it is just a show. But art reflects society. It also influences society. When people argue this point, it is usually young teens who are the most vulnerable to be preyed on in real life by creeps. By normalizing it in art, we normalize it in life. And the show doesn't just normalize it but glorifies it. I've seen people say that the teens are just "more mature" in the show and can be with older men. This is the same argument that predators tell their victims. It is not about the maturity of the teens but the predatory purpose of the adults.

[justineangelrococo]

"We're about 80 percent sure she's harmless." Well I am 100 and 10 percent sure she isn't. This woman isn't as innocent as she seems which is always shown when anyone has to interact with her on any basis. Now my new theory which is stuck in the brain is that our dear sweet Niffty is a serial killer, a black widow one if you will and she only has a specific type she goes for bad boys. She could be I would say a yandere but she's doesn't have the traits of only one person being special to her to make her a comedic yandere no.

She is hunting for a specific type why I don't know, it could be a infatuation with the type of a bad boy, she wants someone absolutely God awful and after awhile she would end up killing them maybe her crush ended and she needs something new, but she would get rid of them and head on to the next bad boy target. Which spoilers for those who haven't gotten caught up to the show and what we know so far.

❤️‍🔥

❤️‍🔥

❤️‍🔥

❤️‍🔥

❤️‍🔥

❤️‍🔥

❤️‍🔥

❤️‍🔥

Ok let's go Husk used to be a overlord, and so that leads Niffty was she one too, and met Alastor loving he was a bad boy and well meeting and respecting him, and ending up being forced to be his servant of which we do know she enjoys. Which if so that leads to some fun and make some sense of this other part here.

She might kill, or torture Valentino, or Adam, we already saw her interact with Valentino, and she took some fluff of his for her collection. Which seems like our little lady is getting trophies if she can of a future kill, or well kidnapping because people can't die in hell unless it's with a angel weapon, so for all we know Niffty could have a bunch of awful men in a bluebeard's bride situation in a secret room just there, and for reference in bluebeard the guy kills all of his former brides and hangs their bodies up in a secret room. Which Niffty could have done and is on the prowl for her next victims, and it would be fun to see two of the most awful guys in the show right now get taken out by a cute tiny little thing like Niffty. Look at her she's so ready and prepared for her next victim maybe, or partner she could be a girl looking for a ultimate bad boy and isn't able to find her rotten one, idk but here is the theory, last one before I go to bed. Also let's look at all the crazy behavior she displayed so far, and how ready she is to possibly attack Valentino, other then taking his neck fluff, and maybe snatch him, she ready to go for Sir Pentious when he came back to hotel, and didn't want him to leave her she may not want any of her bad boys to leave, might be a bad case of how some women and girls are fans of boy bands and singers especially back in the day and being obsessed with them, but for Niffty it's a Type one of which Lucifer was on that list too, she wanted the ultimate bad boy, but I'm sure if she knew what he was really like she would be so disappointed.

[dk-wren]

Thanks for answering my ask @dk-wren, can I ask again but this time for Loid/Yor?

What do you think are Loid and Yor’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic?

Hello Anon!

Of course! And thank you for the new ask!

(Note: I am so so sorry that I could not respond to your ask sooner. School has been crazy, so I barely had any time to write for non-school related projects. I feel so bad that I could not get to this quicker, but I hope you may still enjoy my response.)

Now, I would like to be upfront and say that my familiarity with Loid/Yor's relationship and all of Spy x Family is a little spotty. I am caught up on the anime and read the first several chapters of the manga. However, I only started consistently reading the manga about a year ago, towards the middle of the Red Circus arc. I generally know what happens between where S2 ended and I picked up the manga (i.e. Yor meets Melinda, Lady Tonitrus, etc.), but I apologize if in my explanation I missed an important moment that happens during that period or contradict something.

That said, I think Loid's greatest personality strength is his ability to fully commit to something. When I racked my brain for what Loid (and also Twilight) moments stood out to me, his line, “Let’s go home” from the first chapter, the castle party, his attempt to have fun during the Cruise Arc, creating a full (educational) episode of Bondman for Anya, and taking Anya on a ski trip are some moments that came to mind. Am I cherry-picking these examples? Yes, but I think each still illustrates how Loid cannot do anything with less than 100% effort.

Now, could you argue this personality trait of fully committing to something can be negative in some situations? For sure. But the way I see this trait present itself within Loid, it comes out of his desire to provide the best he can for his family. And while it was for his mission/cover towards the beginning of Spy x Family, and still sometimes the case, I think there’s been a shift where Loid's motivation for doing all that he can to provide Yor and Anya good/memorable experiences now comes from knowing Anya’s history in the orphanage and in Yor opening up to Loid about her past. 

I don’t know if Loid’s training or general nature are responsible for this trait, but I do believe Loid’s ability to fully commit to something is his greatest strength since it sort of acts as Loid’s way to show how much he cares for (perhaps, even loves) the recipients. 

In terms of Loid's greatest weakness, I think it is his stubbornness. Loid/Twilight knows he is Westalis' greatest spy. And whether self-imposed or from his colleagues' expectations (or perhaps even a little bit of both), he understands his performance during any mission should be of the highest caliber. In trying to maintain this level of proficiency on his missions, I feel Loid/Twilight can easily get into his own head about how things are supposed to go and needing to stick to a plan. 

Especially in the first few chapters/episodes, we see Loid clearly thrown off and flustered by some of Anya and Yor’s actions. When working solo, it is very easy for Loid to be in control over every aspect of a mission. Things can go exactly as planned for Loid, avoiding the need to deviate from his meticulous planning, even if he needs to switch to plan B, C, D, or E (probably more tbh). That is not the case though with Anya and Yor because of their own secret identities and human nature. These two bring in factors or variables that Twilight would not have to typically consider on his missions since they bring their own experiences/perspectives that do not align with Twilight’s view of “normal” or expected.

I know Loid saying “For the mission” is a running joke. But I believe Loid’s stubbornness plays a factor into this. Not necessarily in a bad sense, but Loid can get stuck in his ways and find explanations to justify his actions that do not align with those set ones. His stubbornness prevents Loid from admitting that he loves and cares for Anya and Yor because he is a spy, who should not have any attachments nor the expectation to settle down. He has changed from the first chapter to now. I apologize for not remembering the exact post, but when Loid returns home to Yor and immediately collapses at the end of the Mole Hunt arc, I saw someone beautifully explain how Loid’s reaction is due to his body telling him “He is safe. He is home. He is where his loved ones are,” even if his mind cannot process those feelings. 

In reading the chapters about Loid’s past, I would argue Loid also potentially deals with his own guilt about not deserving the love of others after what happened to his parents. That is a hard mindset to break, which I think his occupation doesn’t help in that healing process either. Therefore, between Loid’s own past and being a spy, I think Loid’s greatest weakness is his stubbornness, especially in his inability to process things (namely love) as anything but a means to an end, rather than the end itself.

As for Yor, I think her greatest personality strength is her kindness and faith in others. I feel Yor has so much love to give to the people she keeps close to her heart. But due to her past, she didn't have a chance to shower it on anyone besides Yuri. The cooking lessons she took with Camilla to literally running to pick up Anya after the bus hijacking, Yor’s family and their happiness/safety remains her utmost priority in providing. 

I truly believe Yor sees the best in people and wants to uplift that, whether that be celebrating how well Anya did on a test or telling Loid that he’s a good father. I don’t think it’s naivety but rather kindness that Yor embraces the world with. Similar to Loid/Twilight, Yor is trying to create a better tomorrow in her own way. However, one key difference I would say is that Yor sees herself as a part of that tomorrow. Such as in the Cruise arc, Yor recognizes the danger of profession and the fact she may not live to see the next day. But from what I’ve seen, Yor sees herself as working towards that better tomorrow so she can enjoy it with those she loves.

I think Yor’s greatest personality strength is her kindness and faith in others because she sees the best in those around her and wants to bring that out, or encourage people to embrace the good in them.

Regarding Yor’s greatest personality weakness, I think it's her social inexperience. I hesitate to call it a weakness since I think it’s more of a hindrance (and very much due to her upbringing). There are countless examples of Yor responding to someone’s question in a way that shows her misunderstanding of what the original question means (taking things too literally or giving a response appropriate for her assassin job but not in everyday life for example). It could easily paint her as awkward or clueless, but I think it just tells us about the environment she grew up in or is most familiar with.

When in her element, Yor embodies confidence and power. However, more often than not, that’s when she’s Thorn Princess rather than Yor Forger. Being the sole provider for Yuri for a good portion of her childhood and teen years, and also the nature of her profession, Yor is expected to complete things with utter perfection. She received training from the Garden, so that’s likely why she can perform with that confidence and grace as Thorn Princess. In not receiving that same level of “training” or exposure to everyday social situations, I think this causes Yor to second guess herself or fall susceptible to teasing in the workplace. 

Again, while I hesitate to consider it a weakness, I believe Yor’s social inexperience can sometimes hurt her more than help her. This is not a dig at Loid/Twilight, but I admire how Yor recognizes this “weakness” of how her knowledge may fall short in certain social scenarios. And to then take that time to learn about “normal” activities or experience something she was not able to during her childhood (as I mentioned above, cooking with Camilla comes to mind, but also befriending Melinda Desmond and spending time with the Women's Society), I think Yor openly embraces these opportunities in the hopes of learning from them and to increase her own happiness/enjoyment or those close to her.

Finally, for the last question, what do I love about Loid and Yor’s dynamic, I’d have to say I love how they uplift each other and acknowledge where the other can provide something they cannot (whether that’s with Anya’s care or household chores). Yor telling Loid he’s a great father to Anya and expressing her wish to help more around their household (to take some stress off of Loid); Loid telling Yor how her strength is an invaluable comfort to Anya, as well as affirming how her past makes her the perfect mother for Anya, and the way his body/subconscious mind acknowledges Yor as someone he feels safe around. At least to me, these examples alone show how much they respect their partner and understand that they can depend on the other. I'm sorry if I keep repeating myself, but seriously, to be able to trust and verbalize that they need help is such a step forward in moving past the behaviors they learned/developed during their childhoods.

While not tied exclusively to Loid and Yor’s relationship, but their family relationship, I also love how they somewhat represent different parenting styles. Loid is the more strict and demanding parent, though from what I recall, he rarely verbalizes his high expectations out loud (not that it always matters when Anya can read his thoughts). He expects Anya to do well and pass her classes, as well as avoid earning another Tonitrus bolt. Even then though, he phrases his words/expectations generally rather than telling her she must get this percent or higher. With Yor, she’s the more comforting and encouraging parent. She wants to see Anya succeed in school, but at the same time, Yor also prioritizes Anya’s well-being and happiness. I love how Loid and Yor’s parenting styles align with their personalities, and potentially the direct results of their childhoods. However, I love how at the end of the day, despite their varying approaches, Loid and Yor are both motivated by their desire to give Anya a happy childhood.

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Thank you again for the ask and your patience, Anon!

I had a lot of fun diving into the individual arcs of Loid and Yor (so far), as well as their relationship. I genuinely love these two so much and how slow burn this slow burn is. It really provides them the opportunity to develop as individuals and see how their interactions can or do affect the other.

-Dakota Wren

[oneprompt]

general luffy relationship headcanons please! i love ur writing! i've missed u <3

authors note : you missed me ? my heart , kyaa ! aah , please enjoy these <33

Luffy x Reader: Relationship Hcs

- You’ll need to have looots of patience to date this one. Luffy is a ball of never ending energy, wanting to do the most spontaneous dates and things with you. He’s unpredictable, always catching you by surprise. Surprise hugs, surprise kisses, surprise dates... Anything, you name it! But knowing Luffy a ‘date’ could be a terrifying yet exhilarating adventure, but sometimes it means a cute beach date with the other Strawhats! it’s truly a gamble.

- Luffy is more into physical contact when it comes to displaying affection. He doesn’t understand much big or fancy words, so, its much easier to give hugs and kisses! He’d most likely prefer a partner who’s touchy, too.

- But if you’re shy with touching, Luffy loves that just as much! Seeing you get all flustered, blushing a ton is really cute. And he’s not gonna shy away from letting you know! He’s very blunt and will say whatever he wants to say, especially in regards to you.

- Luffy probably talks about you lots to his crew and brothers. Hell, even during battles Luffy will point at you and say, “This is my partner, by the way.” Doesn’t matter who he’s around, he’s bound to gush about you and show you off. Everyone probably gets annoyed about it but once Luffy introduces you with whoever it is, they’re bound to understand why Luffy never shuts up about you.

- Luffy loves making you laugh! Whether by his own accord or even using his devil fruit to make fun little faces. You can’t help but laugh, no matter how cringy he acts, or how idiotic the joke may be, he’s just too much! Luffy’s favourite piece of you is your smile, hence why he’ll push himself to such lengths to make you happy.

- Even if Luffy is a bit lacking in the brains department, he can read you scarily well. Even the smallest change of your expressions can make your feelings entirely transparent to Luffy.

- That being said, Luffy is great at comforting and taking care of you. Even if he’s not always serious or mature, he knows when to buckle down. And most of the time, thats when you’re upset. Luffy knows what and what not to do when you’re seriously upset.

- 100% the type to give you flowers. Luffy would give you food or anything like that, and he’s tried to give you food in the past but it always ends in him eating it all before you can even indulge yourself in the delicious scent. Ever since, Luffy has stuck with flowers when it comes to gifts. He just thinks they’re nice, so, you think so too! Don’t you?

- Super cuddly! Luffy loves cuddling the most out of any physical touch. Hand holding and hugs are okay but cuddles reign supreme in his heart. Whether it’s when you two are sleeping together, basking in the sun on the ship deck, or even when you’re drafting out plans, Luffy has his stretchy arms tight around you!

[shrimpmandan]

I honestly can’t tell if the modern definition of transmedicalism (or just the community around it) has changed, or if MY own opinions have changed. It’s a surreal experience seeing people talk about transmedicalism like from the 2016-2018 era, but then in my own groups I don’t see any of that associated behavior hardly at all (or the people who do show that behavior are treated as clowns).

I already put a biiiig thing clarifying my stances in my Carrd, but I figured I’d also plop it here since I don’t want anyone to assume what I believe in just because they see the funny buzzword discourse label.

So:

- You DON'T need to medically transition to be trans. Or “do” anything to be trans. There’s no real barrier for entry; it’s just whatever helps you to feel more comfortable with yourself. The only “barrier” is the presence of dysphoria, which is what that discomfort is-- feeling like something is missing, feeling like you’d be happier as the opposite sex, wanting to be treated as another gender. That’s all dysphoria!

- People who genuinely fake being trans are a minority of a minority, and nothing good will come out of restricting trans healthcare further.

- I'm antsy about research (especially neurological research) into the brains of nonbinary people and may reblog things both in support and against the identity, but I respect them regardless. Consider me to generally lean pro.

- The psychological community does not understand trans people and conflates the concept of gender nonconformity with being trans, under the label of “gender expansive”. I (and many others) find this conflation to be inaccurate and offensive, and it also bleeds into public understandings of what a trans person is.

- MOGAI kids and nonbinary people are not responsible for our oppression and to say so is fucking stupid. My reasons for being anti-MOGAI have more to do with the creator and the fact that I don't view gender as being solely a social construct.

- Dysphoria does not mean suffering, nor does it mean hating your body. Go here if you wanna see the diagnostic criteria for gender dysphoria.

- TransID is ableist and racist. I shouldn't have to explain why.

It’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. By all means I don’t agree with the sentiment of “you don’t need dysphoria, gender isn’t real, go nuts”, because it feels like it stems from misinformation about what gender dysphoria means and also disregards the biological components of gender that DO exist. But I also can’t fucking stand the flop/cringe crowd that scrutinizes everything a trans person says. I’ve definitely been on the receiving end of “oh you have DYSMORPHIA, not DYSPHORIA” before and it was extremely irritating, not to mention a blatant misunderstanding of what body dysmorphia is. It also shoves “actual trans people” back into the closet because imposter syndrome is a bitch and while insisting people to know absolutely 100% for certain that they’re trans is advice given out of a good place, it ultimately ends up not being helpful for those who have fluctuating dysphoria, imposter syndrome, OCD, or any amount of other conditions that can make them go back and forth on it a lot.

I wish there was more of a middle ground between the two extremes instead of it feeling like you just have to dig around for the transmeds who aren’t exceedingly insecure and/or malignant. And you STILL get kicked out of most trans communities anyways because they’ve (understandably) built their walls up so high that it goes really far in the direction of accommodating one type of trans person, while utterly alienating another, which is how we get transmed spaces (and echo chambers) to begin with. 

I think my opinions will always lean transmed because I’m someone who puts a lot of stock into psychology and neuroscience-- those are my special interests, moreso the former than the latter. I feel like psychologists and doctors in general have failed trans people on a lot of fronts, but is that the fault of kids with atypical identities? No, not at all, for as much as I find the whole “meowgender” business to be dumb. But also going out and starting debates or god forbid harassing random teenagers and young adults because you think you’re entitled to know every little thing about their identity is JUST as dumb, not to mention pathetic. The transmeds who don’t think that way are the ones I agree with. The ones that do are just as bad as the ‘tucutes’ they criticize, and both contribute to dividing the trans community further. And yes, BOTH. This whole discourse was started by a tucute cis girl pretending to be a trans girl, lest we forget. Transmeds aren’t evil and neither are tucutes. Tumblr discourse just makes an ass out of everyone.

[nachosncheeze]

Blindspot Finale

Been meaning to post something like this for a while. Never got round to it. Now seems a good time.

BIG SPOILERS AHEAD. Like I will completely and utterly ruin the episode.

Disclaimers: Very Long Post. It's an opinion piece. This is all me; I have no issue with those who differ. 😊

~~~~~

Blindspot 5x11. It’s rough. I was heartbroken; literally felt like I’d been dumped, and it took me a while. The initial shock of the mere suggestion short-circuited my brain. But over time, and some re-watching, plus thinking about earlier parts of the show more carefully during our weekly re-watch, I came to one (for me) inescapable conclusion:

Whether you view the show as a series of parallels or as a palindrome, “Jane Doe, FBI” died in that square. Jane Doe, the grown woman who was once a child named Alice Kruger, did not.

On the parallels side: Every single season of this show started with Jane in some way lost and adrift without an identity, and part of the journey of every season was for her to find herself again. In season one this is obvious. Season two, she comes back a battered outcast and discovers her past, and has to learn to live with everything that entails. Season three, she comes back having “discovered parts of herself she didn’t realize she was missing,” and has to learn how to integrate who she now knows she is as an independent individual �� a separate (and honestly rather chaotic) entity from the husband and family who initially made post-ZIP Jane Doe – with that inter-dependent life she had chosen for herself in seasons 1/2. At this midpoint, the tangram has effectively reopened, and she’s finding where she fits anew. Season four it’s obvious once again – she’s Remi, stuck in Jane's life. Season five, I would argue, is where she finds herself truly split between her past and her future. Here Jane Doe, FBI, the moral and law-abiding, law-enforcing citizen, watches her team blown up by a drone sent by a corrupt government - exactly the situation that made Remi *Remi*. And she’s now forced to call on all the skills and their accompanying memories of her terrorist past – the life she had relatively recently chosen to leave behind – to do the right thing and save the people she loves. Kurt says as much right at the start of the season when he asks her to take the lead – he acknowledges that once again she’s trying to “bring down the corrupt FBI” – and this is when she has to really learn to be both at the same time, and somehow find peace with that. You can see her struggle and thrash between “this is what I know to be necessary” and “this is what I’ve held to be right” throughout the season, but especially in 5x06 and 5x07. (To me she finally resolves this conflict the moment she tells Shepherd she doesn’t care in the midst of her 5x11 “ends and means” hallucination.)

You may get the sense this is the reading I lean towards xD To me, it stands to reason that we can interpret the “death” at the end of 5x11 as a symbolic reset on her identity like she had at the end of every other season, and a literal near-miss, not unlike what she suffered at Keaton’s hands in 2x01 and at Madeline’s hands in 4x22.

On the palindrome side: Death might seem a fitting narrative end to the character, because it’s practically impossible (for me at least) to imagine how this woman could possibly claw her way back to happiness after all of this. But was she happy when we first met her? And who was Jane Doe, before she was Jane Doe? She was somebody before she was “born” from that bag. If the series is a palindrome, we could frame it that Remi “died” and was placed in a bag, only to be reborn from the same bag as someone else. I submit that this woman, on the whole, is only as dead as Remi was when she went into the duffel.

Imo there’s a lot of support right there in the episode for either of these readings. Right from the opening credits, they tell us visually that however you read it we’re going back to the beginning: the number 100 is flipped to 001. The episode is loaded with visual, dialogue, and thematic parallels, especially to 1x01. (I don’t believe it’s an accident that the parallel in the interrogation room to 1x01, 2x01, 3x01, and Jane’s dream in 4x09 is placed after the scene in Times Square. Although they don’t reveal the body bag until later, each of those callbacks represent moments when Jane had to start her life anew, with Weller finding her and effectively saying, “I know you’re lost. We’ll do this together.”) A major theme throughout the episode is Jane’s fear of what’s next. As the mission begins, they’re told in no uncertain terms that whatever the outcome, not only are they out of the FBI, but they will never again be allowed to work for any branch of the US government. That’s every version of law enforcement. That’s every branch of the military. That’s every legal outlet for not only everything this adult woman knows how to do, it’s the end of every life she has ever known. Alice Kruger was at most 12 or 13 years old when her parents were murdered. Whether she’s Jane Doe or Remi Briggs or some amalgamation of the two, this is a woman who literally does not know how to be a grown-up civilian. She must be terrified! The end of “Jane Doe, FBI” can only give way to her most difficult rebirth since that night when a stranger walked her past her mum and dad, lying in pools of their own blood. And as we know, that’s saying something.

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve – or, in my opinion, get – the chance to try.

A few other notes: Martin Gero himself said that dead or alive, both readings are correct. So take it as you will. Applying the bias of my own read on things, I think he was being cheeky – not “whether you think she’s dead or whether you think she’s alive, you’re right,” but literally, “whatever you think you are right, because she is both dead and alive.” It needn't be a binary. Like so many things, from the show's title on down, it's two things at once.

The last shot: One of the things that most gave me pause and did/continues to make me sad is that last visual of Jane. She says, “Yeah, I’m good,” but she sure doesn’t look convinced. Initially, my brain took that as, “Oh my god, she’s dead, it’s like ‘Keaton’ said, this is just her brain trying to give her a happy ending; she’s ‘good’ that she finished the job, but she’s realized that this is all a hallucination.” Now? Well, I’m still sad about it, because although I firmly believe she’s physically alive and that the dinner is real, I see a woman who's lost in this domestic “bliss”. Everyone was worried for Weller losing the job he loves, but he told us all the way back in 1x21 that he had another dream: big backyard, lots of little kids; he just thought it was out of his reach because it wasn't compatible with his job. He lost the job, but he's got his happy ending: that Colorado house, that Thanksgiving table, are in every sense Weller's dream, right down to the shade of paint on the walls (all non-toxic; he likes the yellow). Jane is still mourning for the person she had become, the person she wanted to be. She’s alive, but she’s only about as happy as she was in 1x01, because she doesn’t know who she is or where she fits. Geez, talk about bittersweet.

The episode title: Iunne(n) was a verb in Middle English, meaning “to grant” or “to bestow”. (Written English was not standardized back then to the extent it is now, and the third ‘n’ was sometimes dropped, hence my parentheses.) This is not the first episode title to be a palindrome (see second half of season 2), but if Iunne is NOT meant to be that obsolete verb, it’s the first title that has included a complete gibberish nonsense combo of letters. If it was intentional, then the title of the episode loosely translates as, “To bestow ennui [a sense of listlessness, boredom, dissatisfaction with the state of things, etc.]” This would be a classic Blindspot double-meaning: Jane experiences ennui in her new, quiet life; and what the hell are you viewers gonna do with your Thursday nights now?! Thanks a lot, writers’ room. -_- Cheeky bastards strike again.

One last from Martin Gero: There was an interview somewhere where he said that whichever interpretation people subscribe to, the writers wanted to leave the viewer with a sense that the story of the FBI era of the team’s lives was closed, leaving room for new chapters. Some others on here (apologies as I can’t remember who off the top of my head) pointed out back in 2020 when this was fresh, that if we interpret Jane as being literally, physically, irrevocably dead, then the dinner scene really is a hallucination – meaning we were never really given an end to any of the rest of the team’s stories. Unless you want to believe that Rich and Patterson ended in a hallway toasting over Reade and Mayfair, and Tasha and Weller ended, crying and screaming in disbelief respectively, over a corpse. (Or alternately, if she died in 5x10 and the entirety of 5x11 is a hallucination, the rest of the team’s endings would be where we left them in that episode.) I personally don’t think even this writer’s room could be quite that cruel. :P To the viewers, or to their own creations. (fwiw, MG also noted in the same interview that he would watch spinoffs of Rich and Patterson, or even a family drama starring Kurt and Jane.)

There are of course various hints that support the Irrevocably Dead interpretation, too – Boston having all of his fingers comes to mind – and despite my complete aversion to accepting that outcome (ngl, taking that on board would be bad for my mental health lol), I’m happy enough with my interpretation to also be happy to chat with anyone about the alternatives and the supporting evidence that most days I choose to willfully ignore. \😁/

At the risk of self-plugging, I’m about 24k words deep in a canon-compliant 5x11 WIP that fills in some blanks and brings the parallel/palindromic “Still Alive” scenario to a stronger conclusion. I’ve called it The Antidote both because in it, she does get the antidote “just in time” and it works, and also because it’s proven to be the antidote to my own conflicted feelings about the way the show ended. I’m hoping to have that done and posted [ideally long] before we get there in re-watch, but if anyone wants to chat on that or hear about some of the ways my head has canoned its way out of tragedy hit me up. 😊 I’ve also written several little epilogues set in the first 18 months or so post-series around Jane starting to claw her way back from that ennui and figure out how to find contentment outside a constant state of war. Haven’t printed them yet because I think without the other they don’t make much sense XD but I’m happy to chat about the general arc I see for that, too, if anyone wants to hear about it, and of course I like hearing what others have in mind after the series!

There's a few really good finale/post-finale fics out there already, especially on ffn, and they're always fun. (Except for that one. That very short one. I'm not calling you by name but you know who you are. And I know you hate it too so I forgive 😘😘😘)

There's a ton of really well thought out posts, links to interviews from July/August 2020 and beyond too but I'm afraid I don't have the list to hand; I was meaning to re-compile it eventually anyway (I did bookmark several for my fic research/inspo) so if there's interest I'll try to get on that and add it.

Lastly, shout out to @guadalajara92 for her infamous make-it-better alternative ending edit which really, truly was a comfort for washing that shit right out of my hair in those first post-5x11 hours:

and her now-legendary fan-trailer for "Newton", the spin off into a series of primetime adventures that we really, sadly never got to see (double shout out for cleverly making it compatible with either interpretation* xD):

*but with a cheeky lil blink and you miss it elevator shot that however you wanna take it, also made me feel better 🙊

[emmacreatures]

A DANGEROUS START

This will possibly happen more often but I always adore thinking of many ways the two can meet, I can never decide whats canon or not so I just write so manybhejdbd. Sometimes when your brain has the first idea, after more exploring, another even better idea can pop up and so on, especially when other characters are added! This one popped up a few days ago, but I was finally able to write all day and BOY AM I LOVING THIS. I'm REALLY happy about this one! Featuring mainly Quaritch and Ka'am. But actually, lyle and Ter'ran are also quite in the picture! I hope you enjoy~

Ter'ran was stupid enough to get caught by the sky people. He wanted to mock them most likely, getting too close and got easily captured by them. Overestimating himself and ending up getting in more trouble seemed to be a re-occuring thing at Ter'ran's side..

"You Skxaung.." Ka'am whispered so angrily when he saw his friend got taken as they originally were out for a hunt, but had split ways to get stuff easier. He mixed so well in the environment that no one could sense or figure he was around once Ter'ran had been caught. Before he knew, Ter'ran was taken to one of their helicopters, so called hornets in their language.. Ka'am knew if he would shoot people which he could with his arrows, it would become more of a problem, making these RDA people crawl all over their lands.. Possibly not worth it for one individual, even if it was Ka'am's best friend. So as tricky as Ka'am was, he would wait for them to get in the air and to their base.. Following them. Wanting to attack them at night to see if he could manage to get Ter'ran an escape with the help of Ka'am. While Ter'ran felt overly confident with himself, mocking, bragging in the best english he could as he wasnt 100% advanced, he did hope that Ka'am would try and help him. Despite their friendship was interesting, he at furst assumed right away that Ka'am would come for him, but as the time passed.. He knew Ka'am was a rather loner type and knew better, making Ter'ran do realize his stupid actions just like this one. Hoping his best friend eventually would pop up.

"What are we gonna do with him Colonel." Lyle asked as he passed Ter'ran, glaring with his stupid glasses before Quaritch noticed eclipse was coming near, standing at the RDA base while looking through the window. "I'm guessing someone must worry or help this individual eventually, if he has friends.." Quaritch said as he looked only with his eyes into the direction of Ter'ran. "If we're smart, we'll put up a trap, just wait. I think its good to watch out and see whoever may bite. They may be more intelectual than this one" Quaritch said without much shame, as Ter'ran's ears folded flat. After harrumphing rather loud, Ter'ran who was all stuck with cuffs and all, not being able to go anywhere as he was put on the ground, glared and dared to speak. "You know, my english might suck, but I can 100% understand you, you dick" Ter'ran said, almost wanting to hiss, but as soon as Quaritch heard it for his ears twitched, he turned to Ter'ran, showing him a glare he hadnt met before. "Is that so?" Quaritch said as Ter'ran immediately regretted his life choices.. "lyle.. How about you show this man some manners." Quaritch said loud and clear, making Lyle smirk who turned to Ter'ran, who just made a stupid face to Lyle.. Quaritch scared him, but Lyle was just asshole material for Ter'ran "You dont have to ask me twice Colonel" he said with a lot of energy; glaring at Ter'ran before pulling him up roughly at his arm that was cuffed. "Meanwhile, lets see who might care for you" Quaritch said, watching the forest of pandora, serious and determined... Hoping they might catch a better Na'vi, who would have a different mindset than Ter'ran. He really was the worst of troublemakers with a big mouth.

"fucking BASTARDS" Ter'ran yelled in his cell as soon as he was thrown in. He managed to tackle Lyle while being cuffed, trying to run for his life before having received a slam in the face, which gave him a nice extra purple eye along the rest. Lyle had underestimated the man's strength despite having seen the muscle Ter'ran has. He really hated the Na'vi to death right now. If it wasnt for Quaritch who had told him to come back as soon as the man was locked up a bit later, he would've kicked his ass for god knows how long. "fuckin shit" Lyle whispered as he wiped his nose clean, having gotten a few harsh hits before he had thrown Ter'ran into his rightful place as of right now. "I'll get that bloody bastard later.." he continued to whisper before coming back to Quaritch who had called him through his ear bud. Quaritch was ahead of the way Na'vi slowly started to work. "I want you to be ready with your sniper at any given moment now.. Since Eclipse is coming near. I have the feeling Na'vi like to work at night." He said, being intelligent as he is, for he heard Lyle agree and get all stuff ready.

Ka'am had followed them hiddenly, showing no sign as he made his way through the jungle, close to bridgehead. The man was as silent as the wind, getting closer to one of the more back entrances.. Seeing the exact helicopter which had some special markings nearby that station.

"Can't believe I'm getting that idiot of a friend out of this.. And for what." Ka'am whispered in Na'vi, grabbing his arrow before pulling it ready, breathing in silently.. As a slight hesitation popped up while having a perfsct aim on one of the people guarding some of the doors.. Ka'am was one of the people, if not.. Only na'vi that always suggested to rather speak to the sky people, rather than kill them right away. His curiosity to what they wanted was big.. but no one ever wanted to listen or understood why he would even consider it. They always told him to never go near them. To never interact.. but all Ka'am wandered, was what their thoughts were like. What their ways would like. He thought that due the Na'vi attacked them with their life, all the sky people would do was to attack back. Ka'am's mindset and brain was unlike most in general, but due his own mind came through in the act of almost killing one of them.. He stood there, ready to pierce through people's chests with his arrows. But his personal opinion came through..

With a slight groan, he put it back, trying to get inside without having to kill anyone at first despite he was insanely good at them, like his own sister, never missing an aim. Ka'am also figured it would be best not to kill anyone, because it would track attention real fast.. making his approach more difficult, but he never minded to step back from a big challenge. As he put his bow around his chest, he started to make his way closer to the entrance, having learned it from his thanator, like a predator almost crawling through the woods.

Coming near to the entrance, he grabbed a human at his legs like a snake out of the blue, making it drop unconcious once he pulled, yet putting them out of sight so no one would question where or what happened.. It didnt take Ka'am long to sneak inside, using his skills to hopefully find ter'ran as quickly as possible. Being focused on finding Ter'ran, he did at times not only look inside rooms that were around in case anyone would spot him, but also being curious what went on inside of Bridgehead.. "We got an alarm ongoing at gate 7.. Might as well have to check whats ongoing" Two humans said as they started running through the corridor, for Ka'am heard them approach. Sneakily getting into a corner, almost turning invisible while he was huge compared to them, he smirked as soon as they passed, continuing the search to Ter'ran. But despite Ka'am not having been captured on camera nor sensors.. The dissapearances of the knocked out humans did slowly start to show up.

"Ma'dam. We keep having several men and women dissapear on their radars.. We dont know why. There isnt an error for what all we know" Some said to Ardmore, for Quaritch caught up on it. Being around. "Can you give me the exact connections that seemed to have dissapeared" Quaritch decided to get in on it, walking rather strong while having made the specific marine hand movements so Lyle and the others followed. Lyle, who walked steadily behind the man having his sniper ready, filled it with tranquilizer darts.

Ka'am who sneakily got more and more deep into the huge building complex, quickly read which way to go. not having attracted any attention to himself yet only the possible victims who were put unconscious by his hits.. He knew sooner or later he should be nearby. Ter'ran, who sat on the ground, pissed as hell, heard some noises of some things falling against metal, hearing small thuds. Trying to stand up with his hands cuffed, he walked up to the side door that was see through.. Eventually seeing Ka'am. "OMG FINALLY. Ka'Am?! I'M HERE YOU DIPSHIT. What took you so long! DUDE" Ter'ran yelled for him in Na'vi, making Ka'am almost put a deathwish in his eyes. "STOP YOU SKXANG?!

I will goddamn kill you once you're out there" Ka'am signed in sign language in Na'vi, not wanting to speak as it was easier rather than yelling through the glass cell. Not wanting to track ANY attention, in which Ter'ran did the opposite. "stop your volume or you'll get us KILLED" Ka'am kept on signing with his hands, making Ter'ran glare before just wanting to get out of here. But sadly, Ter'ran's behavior would soon get them in trouble.

"Sir, our prisoner is acting rather active all the sudden" Quaritch got a sudden message from one of the teammembers who watched over the cells, making him and Lyle go straight up to that area.. Noticing a tall Na'vi indeed stand right next to the cell. "Lyle" "already on it colonel" Lyle said strict as he quickly aimed onto the new Na'vi, smirking as he shot fast.. Hitting Ka'am in the leg for Ka'am didnt make a noise but it sure fucking hurt. 'fuck'.. He thought before pulling the dart out, grabbing his own bow and arrow before continuing to walk hiddenly behind some desks and inbetween computers, noticing rather fast where the one who shot at him was located with the others.. He felt his brain started to have troubles thinking thanks to the tranquilizer.. But it didnt stop Ka'am. "Did you hit him." Quaritch said as he grabbed his gun ready, being attentive as they slowly walked to the cells, seeing Ter'ran was still stuck who stuck his tongue out to the RDA. "I'll get you later" Lyle said angrily to Ter'ran, who got corrected by Quaritch, saying Lyle should focus. "Did you hit him Lyle" Quaritch said rather angrily now, for the man hadnt replied to him yet. "what do you think?" "LYLE!" Quaritch wasnt tolerating Lyle's almost sassy behavior, for Ka'am heard they were struggling or at least being angry at each other, making use of it by aiming on one of the computers with his bow, hoping the cell by that would open.. The second Quaritch saw a bow, pass him with just a few inches apart, right onto the computer, the colonel glared towards Lyle.

"ARE YOU SURE?!" Quaritch said deadly, 'because obviously he can still move around which is not what we goddamn want' Quaritch thought, but seeing Lyle frown of confusion made it clear. He must've been hit, but how was he still moving. Plus.. Said Na'vi could've easily hit them, but instead aimed for the computers. "I 100% did but he keeps running??" Lyle said for he quickly reloaded his tranquilizer gun..

For Ka'am definitely hit a computer to cause errors.. As there were so many, it didnt seem to open the cell.. And as minutes passed which felt like seconds, the sedative started to get to Ka'am for his tolerance was already high. For Ka'am eventually showed his face for the first time without hiding, pointing at Lyle and Quaritch with his arrow.. Holding his aim without any shiverings, he felt his legs started to have issues standing up.. For Ka'am eventually made eye contact with Quaritch who held his gun in the direction to Ka'am.. Seeing a rather life threatening look, Lyle in the meantime took his chance to shoot again, hitting Ka'am again in his leg again.. But surprisingly, while Ka'am looked life threatening to Quaritch, the colonel almost tilted his head, seeing the na'vi man wasnt sure of shooting at him directly. and in that exact moment, Lyle knew he should shoot. The double tranquilizer definitely started to hit Ka'am.. For the man almost hissed but stayed silent, he couldnt keep his body up anymore, letting his bow and arrow fall before falling to his knees...

Yet despite his body was about to stop working for a bit, Ka'am hissed once while he grabbed a knife from his back.. Not giving himself up so easily. Quaritch and Lyle stepped closer.. Seeing he was fighting and still conscious.. The more seconds passed, the more knocked out Ka'am became to where he dropped his knife, falling upon his back. Quaritch slowly approached and kneeled down on one leg, seeing Ka'am still wanting to protest.. "I wouldnt try that if i were you.." Quaritch just said almost calm at this point but confident, before their eye contact was broken, Ka'am was finally unconscious.

Ter'ran glared furiously at the two, hissing furiously at lyle especially. "Oh you're next-" Lyle wanted to say before planning on going to Ter'ran's cell. "no." Quaritch said as he leaned down to check Ka'am's neck, feeling a slow but steady pace. Deep asleep at this point. "Put him in his own cell, away from his friend. I want to speak to him later" Quaritch said loud and clear, standing up as with help of the other RDA group, they got Ka'am in his own cell while the man was absolutely out of it. "Corporal, do you have any of the cameras working outside.. I might want to check upon some things.." Quaritch said as he walked back to the computer area, wanting to see footage of outside. Possibly to see how Ka'am got in in the first place.

"Do me a favor and try to find what happened at gate 7, somewhere between now and an hour ago.. and from there on see anything that comes through this side" Quaritch said as he held his side with one hand and with the other, pointing at the specific areas he wanted people to look. It took them a while, but eventually, they found it. "sir we might've found something.. Its not much but-" one of the human workers said as Quaritch leaned down, watching the screens before the person made them large enough so Quaritch could stand back one. "we found one, sneaking through but.. he seems to just watch most of the time, and not attack like the others.. He didnt kill a single man or woman. He knocked them out it seems, and most out of camera, as if he knew there were eyes on him-" "oh thats him alright" Quaritch whispered, frowning before saying its okay to stop it.

As sometime passed, Quaritch was thinking on what to do about this whole occurence, having called Lyle, to bring Ter'ran in the room. cuffed and all, as Lyle entered the room as agreed. He threw Ter'ran on the ground, as the man just pulled himself away as soon as Lyle told him to stand up. "We can do this the easy way, or the hard way" Quaritch said clear, making Ter'ran glare before noticing a change in the way the colonel looked, really giving him a cold chill down his spine. But Ter'ran's ego first came through. "from what I know, you guys really love to go the hard way at all times" He first said in Na'vi, for Quaritch could follow, glaring a bit in a warning way. "Lets just get straight to the point then. what can you tell us about your friend" Quaritch asked for Ter'ran took his time to answer.. "who do I owe anyone to say anything?" He said in Na'vi, not noticing Quaritch gave a slight hand signal to let Lyle hit him firmly once..

Making Ter'ran shake his head a bit as his nosebleed started again. "i'd speak if i were you" Lyle said for Ter'ran frowned, turning to Lyle. "is that really the toughest you can fight? this is like a casual workout for me. I've had worse." "Enough." Quaritch immediately said as his dangerous voice echoed, making Ter'ran who felt the blood in his mouth from the one hit spit it out. "We know his name is Ka'am, thanks to your yelling in the cell towards him." Quaritch said for Ter'ran eventually spoke a bit more.. In english this time. "Ka'am is the toughest to break. He's not gonna talk to you if thats what you're hoping for" Ter'ran said for Lyle wanted to hit him again for being almost disrespectful to Quaritch, but Quaritch raised his hand to stop Lyle. "How can we make him talk" "you cant." Ter'ran said for he smirked a little. "well then. We will have to break him. eventually he will speak" Lyle said rather easy, for Ter'ran scoffed. "Have you seen him? he pulled out a sedative out of his leg and ran for another 5 minutes before you had to shoot him with another, while you're supposed to drop unconscious within the second it gets in your system which supposedly is a few seconds" Ter'ran said half in Na'vi and half in english as he at times struggled with more difficult words.. Seeing Quaritch was able to follow but it confused Lyle. "he'll be rather dead before you'll be able to get anything out of him" Ter'ran eventually said in english, finding his friend epic in a way for he hoped it would scare them off.. But Quaritch, was an intelligent man, who noticed a lot of different things about Ka'am in his behavior. "Bring him back, I'll figure it out myself" Quaritch demanded as Lyle with pleasure brought Ter'ran back to his cell, as Lyle returned quite fast. "I do wonder though? where did he build up that pain tolerance. I havent seen anyone tolerate sedatives like that and I knew for sure I hit him, twice" Lyle said as Quaritch walked a bit slow but steady. "Possible just experiences. Keep an eye on that troublemaker, I'll go talk to the other one" Quaritch said clear as Lyle left with a 'yes sir'.

Despite Ka'am had received two trenquilizers.. He had slowly gotten up, slowly walking in the cell before he went along some of the interior, just genuinelt curious on what it was before leaning against the table in the middle.. Arms crossed, a tail swooping slowly from left to right slowly. No pressure, no stress. Not even slight signs of trying to break out which all other Na'vi have tried, including Ter'ran.

Quaritch slowly entered the room before the cell, where they could look through the wall. "how has he been" he asked one of the scientists, who watched him at all times. "calm.. He doesnt seem stressed. Woke up about half an hour ago. Seemed a bit curious in the beginning, but i think he knows we can see him. But no signs of trying to break out" He said as Quaritch left the room, waiting for the door to opened of Ka'am's cell. Not even the second the door opened did Ka'am try to outrun or outsmart him. Instead, he was leaning against the table, with his back to the door.. Not moving, except his tail. Quaritch waited until the door was closed again, now being in the same room as Ka'am, for he sat the same way, but a bit more to the left, and with his back to Ka'am.. Both leaning against the table, but not facing each other..

Ka'am through his whole time here had not spoken a word. It was his way of almost.. Protesting, but he wasnt doing it actively. He preferred to be mysterious, and only speak when it was nessesairy. "not talking are we?" Quaritch said with a gentle approach, exhaling a bit more loud to show he too wasnt really in a tense mood. The whole energy in the room seemed fine. "I'd almost think you're mute" Quaritch then said, seeing Ka'am did not look at him, not even his glance or one look of the eyes.. He just sat there almost casually, for Quaritch just reflected it. "your friend over here, he wouldnt stop talking unlike you, complaining till the sun would rise again. These people here as well, are rather surprised you're not trying to get out of here, do the best they can" Quaritch just kept talking, seeing he wasnt even ignored, for Ka'am just listened.. But he did not speak just yet. "You want to stay mute? sure.. Not sure how far we'd come.." Quaritch said as he'd eventually turn a bit to Ka'am, who still did not make any eye contact with him, which would now be a good moment with the way he was turned. "you're a smart guy. I can see that. You knew what you were doing." Quaritch said seriously, knowing that the man was a trained killer or fighter. "Not only didn't you try to get out of here, but you also got in here, without killing anyone." Quaritch said as Ka'am's tail swooshed a little quicker. Finally there, a low manly voice revealed itself. "so you wonder what i'm doing here" Ka'am said, making Quaritch listen closely.. "Whats up with the rather, gentle approach to us, rather than trying to break our necks like your fellow friends. Why dont you attack, like most of your kind do" Quaritch said as he kept his arms crossed just like Ka'am did, making Ka'am finally turn his head to Quaritch, having a serious approach.

"if you'd look correctly.. I do attack" Ka'am said, his voice was steady but low, making Quaritch raise his head in a 'okay then.' kind of energy.. "only when we seem to do that to you" Quaritch said back on what Ka'am explained.. "I can slit your throat if thats what you're implying" Ka'am all the sudden said, noticing Quaritch looking more into the man's eyes as a warning, perhaps out of threatening him a bit, or just being curious at this point. "So why havent you just yet." "I have my reasons" Ka'am said as he had broken eye contact at first, raising his head a bit before turning back to Quaritch, seeing the man tried to figure him out.. For Ka'am lived up to his name, being a mysterious and hard understanding man. But Quaritch wasnt done yet.. Wanting to get him back on the things he found rather.. surprising from Ka'am. Seeing what excuses he'd have despite the man so far was straight up with his things.

"Since when do navi learn english? Oh thats right.. they dont. Because its a language, that the last time I checked, at this rate is being seen as the devil's speech" Quaritch said, seeing Ka'am break eye contact again before he'd look back at quaritch who didnt break eye contact. "so who taught you.." he asked clear, seeing Ka'am just looked at him rather intensely, but he could figure out of the way he looked.. Quaritch now knew the man taught himself.. Showing another odd sign of what this man's brain was like. "so if you're not here to fight us. what do you want to do here" Quaritch got more to the point now, seeing Ka'am got more serious too. "i do not know what you seek, or why you captured Ter'ran" The man said; not hearing the name 'my friend' but his actual name. "Ter'ran so happened to lure us out. But we are just looking for a man that goes under the name toruk makto.. Or the well known, jake sully" Quaritch said for he noticed Ka'am's dissapproving energy all the sudden.. His ears folded flat, for the man smirked hiddenly before getting back to their conversation. "ah.. i see that name doesnt get received well either. How about we make a deal then" Quaritch said, standing up from the table he was leaning against to, walking a little bit through the room while Ka'am kept leaning against the table with crossed arms.

"help us find him.. and after that, we'll just let you and your friend go, since you were here to help him right?" He said as Ka'am rolled his eyes over Ter'ran's detail.. "or maybe not." Quaritch said, narrowing his eyes to see it wasnt 100% the reason Ka'am came here to break Ter'ran free.. Which made Quaritch more curious to him. "Or.. If there is something else you want in return" Quaritch said as Ka'am was thinking and he could see him think, giving him the space. "So.. Do we have a deal?" Quaritch said for he felt quite confident about it, seeing Ka'am slowly stand up for he watched the man's hand that Quaritch reached out.. Almost like a mutual understanding or respect while he knew the man for a short amount.. He'd think about it, before his own anger about the connection to jake sully grew worse, putting things to the side mentally to eventually take Quaritch' hand to shake it. Ka'am dared to look up at the man again, seeing intelligence and tricky but also almost honest energies flow through there.. He really wanted to kill that jake sully badly. and right now the hunt was about to start with a native to help him. Sooner or later Quaritch would want to figure how on earth Ka'am was still standing after two Tranquilizers.. Something must've happened to him to be more advanced into it.

[dearweirdme]

If there is so little left than how are you so strong in believing in the Taekook?

Hi anon!

I can understand why you would think that, but those five moments I discussed in my last post are by no means the base of my believe in Tae and Jk’s relationship. Those are some of the moments that I feel are objectively signs of them being in a romantic relationship. Those deal with moments that imo aren’t fanservice, the actions can be properly described and the overall message they convey is undeniable (in my opinion, but if one were to be obstinate..  I guess even those could be debated… and that is often the case with anti shippers).

I’ve said this before I think, but maybe it’s good to repeat it, I’m not a 100% sure they are together romantically. As fans it is not possible for us to be sure of these things, because they do not let us get near their private lives (good for them because could you imagine the mess that would be). Anyone who says they are sure their ship is real is full of themselves. It’s just not possible. We can be fairly sure though, because we have seen enough to deduce meaning out of their interactions. If you were to ask me how sure I am… about 80 to 90 percent. So that’s pretty sure imo. This is going to be such a crap statement but, I just simply trust my gut feeling about this. Now that may not mean anything to you and anyone else on this lovely blog, because no-one actually knows me. Anti’s probably think I’m crazy, my Larrie followers probably think I’ve unlarried (no I have not), but some of you also seem to think I make sense. I know I’m good at body-language stuff, my irl friends and family even seek me out for these things… but for most people on here I’m just an anonymous blog person with an opinion. All I can say, I’m not here to impose my believes on anyone. I jut try to make sense of things and share my thoughts on here. So don’t trust me, but do trust your own gut feelings. And if we happen to feel the same about some things.. we might even be close to the truth.

So let me leave behind the objectivity for a bit and show you some of the moment that are important to my believe in Taekook, but which to someone else might mean something else. So, this is all going to be very subjective, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong.

The touches! OMG the touches…. I cannot state how much I am in love with the way Tae touches Jk. It’s soothing, it feels like he creates an anchor for the both of them just by the way he simultaneously seems to need to touch Jk for himself but also for Jk. I have often felt that them touching calmes them down. They seem to feel when one of them is fidgety/nervous/anxious and when possible touching is a way to reduce that. Jk does this by massaging Tae or just backhugging or grabbing his arm. Tae touches whatever part he can and will often try to touch Jk’s skin rather than just over the clothes.

Why did I not include this in my last rant? They do touch other members too. To me the way Tae and Jk touch is slightly different from when they touch other members though. Their touches are more intense, longer in duration, not intended to cause a strong reaction, but more soothing in nature. When members touch or hug or any physical interaction it’s often a short burst-like interaction. The beginning and ending is clear and the moment is over. With Tae and Jk though… they are never really done touching.

I’ve read people (anti’s) say Tae and Jk have no chemistry. I mean… I don’t know whether I should laugh at that or cry for those people being so bad at interpreting the signs of desire and attraction. Tae and Jk have consistently shown signs of attraction towards each other. When their relationship started to actually get physical I cannot really say, but there is this one moment always stuck in my brain that I personally find very telling.

Just the way Tae looked at Jk like he was seeing him for the first time and instantly though: yes, I want you. The licking his lips, moving his eyes over Jk’s face. Tae is making himself taller and that indicates to me that he is trying to impress Jk here. That is what attraction looks like. And then there’s this clip of Jk and Tae during a show.

To me this is Jk flirting/seducing Tae. It’s a seductive dance move and he smirks directly at Tae afterwards. There’s many moments of them flirting, attracting, seducing each other.. I could probably make an entire post dedicated to that.. but just a quick search on YouTube will probably suffice for those who want to see more.

Next… the stares! I have never seen two people stare at each other with this intensity. This live, was something else in itself but the stare..

… the stare lasts around 6 seconds!! That doesn’t happen between friends. I can’t recall any of the members staring at anyone like this. Only Tae and Jk. Why did I not include this? Because there’s always people going: ‘they were just being awkward’. Yes it is awkward, it’s awkward for Jimin.. not for Tae and Jk. There’s many stares I could also reference, but again… a quick search on YouTube will do the trick.

Last moment I’ll adress… because I also love Harry… the first Harry Styles show Tae and Jk attended. They were so happy, so clingy, so couply. Anti’s will say it’s just best friends showing skinship… but to me this is them being partners.

Even though these moments can be interpreted in various ways. To me they point to a romantic relationship. And there’s so many moments like this. Individually they can all be explained away, but all those moments together to me is the strongest proof there is.

If you want to read more of my babbling about this…

[mudbloodpotter05]

Fic Writer Asks!

I was tagged by @read-and-write- and happiness-of-the-pursuit

ao3 username: Muddbloodpotter05

Fandoms: I have only written for and published for two fandoms- EastEnders (British Soap), but I write for my Ben and Callum “Ballum”, specifically. They are my ride or die ship for that show. I also write for Red, White and Royal Blue.

(Though I did write for HP and crossed that over with Charmed way too many years ago, 😅)

Number of works: 11! (Four are for my EastEnders, Ballum ship and Seven are for RWRB, though one of those for rwrb is my catch-all for any drabbles or drabbles that exceeded the 100 word only requirement).

Work I spent the most time on: this one is a bit harder to answer…of my published stories, I would have to say it is between 3 stories. Two of them fall in my EE fandom for Ballum and those are Someone to Watch Over Me and Your Final Words. For RWRB it would have to be my Now and Then. All three of these took about the same amount of time (roughly two ish months) for each of these because I tend to agonize over my writing and wanting to make sure I frame it and get the flow how I want).

This is likely to end up changing due to the current story I am working on, which is tentatively titled “Time and Time Again” for RWRB.

Work I spent the least time on: besides any drabbles…it would be between two stories If Only for One Night, for EE and Ballum and then Lacrosse My Heart and Hope… - both of these stories just flew out of my brain and into a doc within a single day and then posted to ao3 a couple days later after my wonderful Beta went over them!

Longest fic: this would have to be Now and Then for RWRB. Again, this is likely to change as my new story is currently sitting a little over 8k and that is just chapter 1!

Shortest fic: my drabbles, definitely, though some exceed the 100 word maximum, so I will also list Is that my sweatshirt for RWRB. (It my newest story and contains smut and was inspired by some amazing art of Henry running while wearing one of Alex’s jersey’s.)

Most hits: Bump In the Night which clocks in at 5,540 hits!

Most Kudos: that would be Is that my sweatshirt and has 206 kudos! I love this for my one shot! (Again, mind the tags for Smut).

Total word count: 105,989 (published at this exact moment)

Favorite work of my own: oof, this question sort of hurts, 😅, but if I have to pick I would say any of those listed in the question about the ‘work I spent the most time on’. Those three have to be the ones I’m most proud of!

Fic you want to rewrite or expand on: it would probably have to be Now and Then, but only because I have ideas/thoughts that didn’t make it into the story.

Share a bit of a wip: this is from chapter 1 of my current multi-chapter story-

It’s old. Worn, but still seems to be in good condition. An antique. One of the drawers seems to be stuck, maybe locked. The last time he saw one that looked like this was on a trip to the Smithsonian in his Junior year. So yeah, a fucking antique it may be, but it was the only desk that Alex had found that sparked any sort of joy. (Thank you, Marie Kondo!)

That joy being: it was dirt fucking cheap and he was past being picky.

Well, not exactly. Or not only the price, exactly.

He didn’t know why, but when he looked at it…Alex felt wistful.

Maybe it was his lack of sleep. Maybe it was the air of history hanging about it. Maybe it was haunted! (Not that he believed in ghosts and crystals, voodoo and magic…that was all his sister, June) Or it could very well be the curry from the back of his fridge that he should’ve thrown away. Still, none of those were going to stop him from making this purchase.

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And I am tagging….. @orchidscript @historicallysam @everwitch-magiks and @ethel0123 , but only if you want and haven’t done it yet!

[rorororyboat]

Rory’s 2022 Reading Roundup!

Hey there and welcome to my first (annual?) reading roundup!🎉

After years and years of not reading because of school and work, I finally got back into it. And I feel as though I’ve found a piece of myself that was missing (ew so cheesy).

So I decided to share all the books I’ve read, and a little thought or two about each. I’m not a reviewer, just a reader who uses books as an escape. I’m a professional writer but I like to shut that part of my brain off when I’m reading so I can just disconnect. So take what I say with a grain of salt - read them yourself and make your own decisions!

Without further ado (and there’s been so much ado), here’s all the books I’ve read this year according to my Goodreads (It’s missing a few because I have the memory of a goldfish unless I write things down).

“Nothing to See Here” by Kevin Wilson

“A moving and uproarious novel about a woman who finds meaning in her life when she begins caring for two children with remarkable and disturbing abilities.”

It was super cute! It took me a little while to really get into it, but by the end I really adored the quirky nature of the book and felt fully invested in the slightly absurd story.

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“Mary Jane” by Jessica Anya Blau

“In 1970s Baltimore, fourteen-year-old Mary Jane loves cooking with her mother, singing in her church choir, and enjoying her family’s subscription to the Broadway Show Tunes of the Month Record club. Shy, quiet and bookish, she’s glad when she lands a summer job as a nanny for the daughter of a local doctor. A respectable job, Mary Jane’s mother says. In a respectable house. The house may look respectable on the outside, but inside it’s a literal and figurative mess: clutter on every surface, IMPEACHMENT: Now More Than Ever bumper stickers on the doors, cereal and takeout for dinner. And even more troublesome […]: The doctor is a psychiatrist who has cleared his summer for one important job - helping a famous rock star dry out.”

This one really hit on so many of my special interests and hooked me. A really easy summer read for me. Really helped me dive right back into reading whilst hitting my heart and my brain. 100% will read again when I want something fun.

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“The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” by Douglas Adams

“Seconds before the Earth is demolished to make way for a galactic freeway, Arthur Dent is plucked off the planet by his friend For Prefect, a researcher for the revised edition of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy who, for the last fifteen years has been posing as an out of work actor. Together, this dynamic pair begin their journey through space aided by quotes from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy […] and a galaxy-full of fellow travellers.”

This is an old favourite, and will probably always be a favourite. I was introduced to it years and years ago by my dad and it’s stuck with me ever since. It was a great one to pick up again after nearly ten years to really rock me back into my reading habits. Love it.

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“Silent Sky” by Lauren Gunderson

“When Henrietta Leavitt begins work at the Harvard Observatory in the early 1900s, she isn’t allowed to touch a telescope or express an original idea. Instead, she joins a group of women “computers”, charting the stars for a renowned astronomer who calculates projects in “girl hours” and has no time for the women’s probing theories. As Henrietta, in her free time, attempts to measure the light and distance of stars, she must also take measure of her life on Earth, trying to balance her dedication to science with family obligations and the possibility of love.”

In my search for plays to produce in the coming year, I read a lot of scripts. This one we were seriously considered but decided against. I love Lauren Gunderson’s style and adore that she writes so prolifically about the women of science and math. This one just wasn’t my favourite of the bunch. Kinda leaves me feeling meh.

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“Emilie: La Marquise du Chatelet Defends Her Life Tonight” by Lauren Gunderson

“Brilliant. Defiant. Tonight, 18th century scientific genius Emilie du Chatelet is back and determined to answer the question she died with: love or philosophy, head or heart?”

Now this Lauren Gunderson play really rattled me and moved me. Breathtaking writing, beautiful characters. I fell head over heels for it and have been left thinking about head versus heart and love versus philosophy for months since reading it.

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“The Girl on the Train” by Paula Hawkins

“Rachel catches the same commuter train every morning. She knows it will wait at the same signal each time, overlooking a row of back gardens. She’s even started to feel like she knows the people who live in one of the houses. “Jess and Jason,” she calls them. Their lie - as she sees it - is perfect. If only Rachel could be that happy. And then she sees something shocking. It’s only a minute until the train moves on, but it’s enough. Now everything’s changed. Now Rachel has a chance to become a part of the elites she’s only watched from afar. Now they’ll see; she’s much more than just the girl on the train.”

This one just…wasn’t it for me. Maybe because I got to it like six years later than everyone else, maybe because I’m 23 and have no similar life experience to. What I’ve read, however, really cements for me that I love unlikeable characters who are redeemable. And who aren’t boring and the same two notes again and again. It really felt as though every character was this and that and nothing more, which got really boring after about 100 pages. The other side is I was expecting more mystery/thriller aspects and it just felt as though there were none. It just felt like an extremely long episode of like Desperate Housewives or something. (The reviewers on Goodreads have been my source of entertainment for the last 10 minutes as I write this)

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“Mosquitoes” by Lucy Kirkwood

“A story of sibling love that explores subjects closely linked to science: faith and reason, certainty and uncertainty, the pursuit of excellence and scientists’ constant struggle to balance their research ambitions with family life.”

It’s almost like I like plays about women in science, huh? Total coincidence, I swear. It’s funny, sharp and interesting. I really enjoyed the exploration of science versus practical or book versus street smarts. And then flipping that on its head, and the conversation about vaccines and the like. Really intriguing. (Also helps that, I kid you not, every member of the original cast is basically an idol of mine)

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“Hamnet” by Maggie O’Farrell

“Warwickshire in the 1580s. Agnes is a woman as feared as she is sought after for her unusual gifts. She settles with her husband in Henley Street, Stratford, and has three children. The boy, Hamnet, dies in 1596, aged eleven. Four years or so later, the husband writes a play called Hamlet.”

This book is probably my number one book of the year. Really took my breath away. Beautiful imagery and such a unique approach to the quiet and ordinary life. Even now, all these months later, I feel at a loss for words by how this book touched me. Just wow wow wow x 1000

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“The Lonely Hearts Hotel” by Heather O’Neill

“A spellbinding story about two gifted orphans in love with each other since they can remember whose childhood talents allow them to write their future. […] An unparalleled tale of charismatic pianos, invisible dance partners, radicalized chorus girls, drug-addicted musicians, brooding clowns, and an underworld whose economy hinges on the price of a kiss. In a landscape like this, it takes great creative gifts to thwart one’s origins. It might also take true love.”

I think this book will always be linked with Hamnet for me. It also uses such beautiful imagery, painting fantastical pictures to juxtapose the bleak winters of Depression-era Montreal. It’s dark, it’s haunting at times, but it’s got a spark of possibility and ambition - the characters, despite hardship, despite abuse by the system and by the people around them, seek out their dreams. Devastating.

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“The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue” by V.E. Schwab

“France, 1714: in a moment of desperation, a young woman makes a Faustian bargain to live forever and is cursed to be forgotten by everyone she meets. Thus begins the extraordinary life of Addie LaRue, and a dazzling adventure that will play out across centuries and continents, across history and art, as a young woman learns how far she will go to leave her mark on the world. But everything changes when, after nearly 300 years, Addie stumbles across a young man in a hidden bookstore and he remembers her name.”

I’ve read a lot of really well thought out critiques of this book (who hasn’t read this book aside from me?), so I feel like my thoughts on it have changed a lot since reading it. But at the time, I was in a not so great place and was really touched by how the story explored time and mortality. The ending irritated me to no end, though.

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“The Heidi Chronicles, Uncommon Women and Others & Isn’t It Romantic” by Wendy Wasserstein

“The graduating seniors of a Seven Sisters college, trying to decide whether to pattern themselves after Katharine Hepburn or Emily Dickinson. Two young women besieged by the demands of mothers, lovers and careers - not to mention a highly persistent telephone answering machine. A brilliant feminist art historian trying to keep her bearings and her sense of humour on the elevator ride from the radical sixties to the heartless eighties […] These three plays […] manage to engage us heart, mind, and soul on such a deep and lasting level that they are already recognized as classics of modern theater.”

These are my favourite plays and one of my very favourite contemporary (by theatre standards) playwrights. I’ll read this again and again and again for all time. I adore the complexity of the characters and the scope of adding feminism to everything Wasserstein writes. This series was the first one that taught me women can be and deserve to be as outspoken, strong, complex and all the the other things.

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Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr

“When everything is lost, it’s our stories that survive. How do we weather the end of things? Cloud Cuckoo Land brings together and unforgettable cast of dreamers and outsiders from past, present and future to offer a vision of survival against all odds.”

I have to give this one another chance. It was too much for me at the time I picked it up and I couldn’t quite understand it or keep track of everything going on. Everything about it seems like my kind of book, so I’ll keep it on my TBR and try again later.

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Dark Sparkler by Amber Tamblyn

“The lives of more than twenty-five actresses lost before their time - from Marilyn Monroe to Brittany Murphy - explored in haunting, provocative new work by an acclaimed poet and actress. […] The stories of these actresses, both famous and obscure-tragic stories of suicide, murder, obscurity, and other forms of death - inspired this empathetic and emotionally charged collection of new poetic work.”

This was the first poetry collection I ever read and still one of my favourites. I adore Amber and all of her work.

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Normal People by Sally Rooney

“At school Connell and Marianne pretend not to know each other. He’s popular and well-adjusted, star of the school soccer team while she is lonely, proud and intensely private. But when Connell comes to pick his mother up from her housekeeping job at Marianne’s house, a strange and indelible connection grows between the two teenagers - one they are determined to conceal. A year later, they’re both studying at Trinity college in Dublin. Marianne has found her feet in a new social work while Connell hangs at the sidelines, shy and uncertain. Throughout their years in college, Marianne and Connell circle one another, straying toward other people and possibilities but always magnetically, irresistibly drawn back together. Then, as she veers into self-destruction and he begins to search for meaning elsewhere, each must confront how far they are willing to go to save the other.”

I love this book. I adore beauty in mundanity and simplicity. I actually watched the show years ago, before reading the book, and fell in love with the story. When I finally got my new library card, this was the first book I had to pick up. And I fell in love with the story again. Sally Rooney is a marvel. I’ll fall her to the ends of the Earth.

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Open Water by Caleb Azumah Nelson

“Two young people meet at a pub in South East London. Both are Black British, both won scholarships to private schools where they struggled to belong, both are now artists - he a photographer, she a dancer - trying to make their mark in a city that by turns celebrates and rejects them. Tentatively, tenderly, they fall in love. But two people who seem destined to be together can still be torn apart by fear and violence.”

This one pushed and pulled me a lot. It’s beautiful prose, beautiful imagery. I was really drawn into the poetic nature of it. About half way through, I felt disconnected from the story, which I realize now is because the story wasn’t written for me. But the book was beautiful and I want to read it again and some point.

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The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

“Aging and reclusive Hollywood movie icon Evelyn Hugo is finally ready to tell the truth about her glamorous and scandalous life. But when she chooses unknown magazine reporter Monique Grant for the job, no one is more astounded than Monique herself. Why her? Why now? Monique is not exactly on top of the world. Her husband has left her, and her professional life is going nowhere. Regardless of why Evelyn has selected her to write her biography, Monique is determined to use this opportunity to jumpstart her career. Summoned to Evelyn’s luxurious apartment, Monique listens in fascination as the actress tells her story. From making her way to Los Angeles in the 1950s to her decision to leave show business in the ‘80s, and, of course, the seven husbands along the way, Evelyn unspools a tale of ruthless ambition, unexpected friendship, and a great forbidden love. Monique begins to feel a very real connection to the legendary star, but as Evelyn’s story near its conclusion, it becomes clear that her life intersects with Monique’s own in tragic and irreversible ways.”

You know this book. Everyone and their dog have read this book. Except me. It was near perfect. I was so mesmerized by this book. Beautiful beautiful beautiful. The plot twist had me throwing my book across the room and staring at the wall for about half an hour.

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Sleepwalking by Meg Wolitzer

“Sleepwalking tells the story of the three notorious “death girls,” so called on the Swarthmore campus because they dress in black and are each absorbed in the work and suicide of a different poet: Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton, and Wolitzer’s creation Lucy Asher, a gifted writer who drowned herself at twenty-four. At night the death girls gather in a candlelit room to read their heroines’ work aloud. But an affair with Julian, an upperclassman, pushes sensitive , struggling Claire Danziger—she of the Lucy Asher obsession-–to consider to what degree her “death girl” identity is really who she is. As she grapples with her feelings for Julian, her own understanding of herself and her past begins to shift uncomfortably and even disturbingly. Finally, Claire takes drastic measures to confront the facts about herself that she has been avoiding for years.”

I went into this book expecting it to be one thing, and found it to be something completely different, which I’m still not sure I liked. I was expecting a story about friendship and love, and a bit of grief/death. But found the “death girls” and Julian were barely in the story at all. I loved the exploration of grief - I thought it was beautiful. I just wish I had known what I was getting into when I picked it up. I was going through it when I started this book and found myself having to put the book down just to breathe. Massive trigger warning for self harm, attempted suicide, and the like.

AND THERE IT IS! Every book I read this year. Shit. Okay, on to the next.

[thunderpetal]

YAY anon asks!! Anyway I would love for you to answer hmmm 19, 29, 32, 33, and hehe 37 please. :3 (feel free to omit any of them, I choose violence by choosing not to choose but you don't have to!) <3

Still can't believe I never realised I have anon asks off when I've been on here since like December. ANYWAY,

19 - Stephen King once said that his muse is a man who lives in the basement. Do you have a muse?

I don't know. I get inspired by lots of things. Music being one of them - I come up with a 'what if every character played an instrument' AU for every fandom I've in, even though most of them never see the light of day. I'm also inspired by songs from time to time, but not as often as other writers, I don't think?

My family also visits Italy every year, and I always get sooo many writing ideas when we're there, it's ridiculous. I think just being in a wildly different place to miserable England shakes up my brain enough that plot bunnies start falling out left right and centre.

29 - If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

Ooh, this is an interesting question. I went through my recced bookmarks on AO3, aka my absolute fave fics collection. In the end I only found one I would want to add to, since most of them ended in the perfect place. But Kids Protecting Kids by quirkle is a fic that's really stuck with me (everyone should read it), and I would want to write a little mini sequel after Wild wakes up where him and Legend just get to have a little chat and breathe out. together. Just another dollop of comfort atop the hurt/comfort.

33 - How do you feel about crack?

I love crack! And honestly I don't write enough of it nowadays. I'm really good at dialogue so crack used to be my forte, I wrote lots of silly fics back in the day. Now I've moved onto more serious horizons, I suppose, but writing serious fics is still kind of a struggle for me. I miss writing crack. My closest fic to actual crack is probably Five Teaspoons, but that probably counts as more just general humour.

37 - Talk about your current wips.

Oh, you've unleashed a monster by asking me this!!

Someday We'll Stand Here By The Sun (TOH, ongoing) - My magnum opus tbh. It's like 80% written rn, and I'm able to keep up a weekly updating schedule on AO3 because of that. But it's still far from done! Anyway, after S2 finished I was full of post King's Tide ideas, and most of them have made their home in this big multichapter. The main plot is the story of Luz, Amity and their trauma /lh. I have so much brainrot for them and their relationship, and S2B builds on their mutual confession so well. As we know there are two episodes in which Luz shows the same character flaw - hiding things from Amity/her loved ones due to a belief that her problems aren't as important as theirs, and wanting to protect other people's feelings. The fact that Luz doesn't seem to grow out of this flaw despite 2 EPISODES focused on it says to me that it's 100% something ingrained in her that isn't going away anytime soon. But I'll stop before I write a whole Luz character essay.

Point is, with the whole 'helping' Belos thing, Luz totally blames herself for the Draining Spell and is gonna spiral post S2, feeling like she has to get back to the Isles asap and fix all her mistakes, and MAYBE that will make up for how much of a horrible human being she thinks she is. So why did I choose to write from Amity's POV, when I started writing this to explore Luz's emotions? Well, at first I was worried about SWSHBTS being a 'Amity is Luz's therapist' fic, but Amity has so many issues herself that that was not a problem lmao. And I deliberated on doing alternate POVs - even made a pros and cons list - but in the end I went with Amity's POV only because she has a lot of things to say! (But there may be a chapter of Luz's POV... you'll just have to see)

I just love this fic so much, it is my baby, and uploading it is kinda the highlight of my week rn. There is so much in future chapters that I am excited for the world to see. Also, when I started writing it, it was out of motivation to make more Lumity Post King's Tide angst, cause there REALLY wasn't enough, but there have been many more fics in that genre uploaded since I began, and I inhale each one like they're my life force. Cause they kind of are. WOW that was a lot of words too bad I'm about to infodump about another 2 wips

Untitled Music AU (TOH, unwritten) - So I said that I come up with a 'what if every character played an instrument' AU for every fandom I'm in, and TOH is no exception. This was going to be a silly oneshot and now it's expanded into a whole multichapter universe that mostly exists only inside my brain. When I have the time to actually write it, it'll be great I'm sure lmao

But essentially Amity plays clarinet, Luz plays oboe, and they're put in the same woodwind quartet by Raine, their teacher at Hexside. This leads to them starting to become friends, but as they do, Amity starts seeing certain weird/supernatural things around school. (This is a human/no magic AU, to clarify). She thinks she's just going crazy, but she decides to confide in Luz. Luz is of course overjoyed to learn there's a potential mystery to be discovered in their school, and immediately joins Amity in playing detective. Yes I want there to be mystery in this AU, but I really have not worked out the finer details yet.

Other character roles include - Raine as Head Of Music. Lilith as their second in command in the music department - but she was also Amity's clarinet teacher until Amity was like nine/ten. One day, she suddenly dropped all of her private students and joined Hexside as a teacher instead. Why? Who knowsss! (You'll find out I promise). Eda runs the wackiest corner shop that sells Everything You'll Ever Need, and Luz is her employee and also her only oboe student. She's a longtime family friend of Camila, too. She took in Hunter, who plays bassoon, and Luz still considers Hunter her brother in this AU. Willow plays flute. She and Amity have a similar arc to canon, but it plays out a bit differently in this. And - this is my fav part - Blight Industries is a well-known company, and engage in copious amounts of rainbow capitalism every year. Meanwhile the Blight kids still genuinely have no idea if Odalia is homophobic or not.

And last but not least - the LU multichapter where Time dies and Twilight picks up the ocarina to go back in time and save his life (working title). But Time keeps dying, so Twilight keeps using the ocarina, and before he knows it he's in a Majora's Mask nightmare scenario of his own. This is one I was planning to write this summer before SWSHBTS came in and demanded attention. Lots of attention. So, I'm planning to get to this when SWSHBTS is done. I'm just so excited to write it - it's really going to push me as a writer, but I'm ready for that challenge if it means i can provide juicy Twi angst. The poor lad. I'm really going to put him through the wringer. And Time too, considering he's gonna die many times in the fic, but that's kind of just the plot.

This question really enabled me, so I'm impressed if you actually read all of this. But thanks for sending this ask in, anon!

[one-last-puku]

GAD really sucks. Getting fixated on a thing that I should be able to drop and move on from. Seriously.

I'm sweating because my mask performance is on 120% while I'm doing this training period.

I've realized a few things during training today. Either my brain really does struggle to keep up like my peers, or my trainer is being unreasonable. I'd venture to guess it's me. Too many times my brain blanked out while she was speaking and I felt beyond horrible each time I asked her to repeat herself. She then goes on like 'You'll need to be able to handle xx work.' 'This is a very important role.' 'If we decide you are fit for this position.' Like, obviously being told that, I can handle it, but it's that I want to beat myself up over every slip of the tongue and freeze my brain has. No seriously, in those moments I really want to beat myself up because my brain stopped working in such an important meeting. I want to beat myself up for the fact my brain freezes and she's still going on about needing to do -this -this -this -this -this and -this. and I have to go, hold on now, I need to get back to the second -this.

I feel so bad in those moments because she was already frustrated for a different situation. She has to also train a new recruit who is as slow as my dumbass. It is very important work and I so badly want to get up to the speed she wants as soon as possible, but I'm also worried she'll get the wrong impression before I'm given the chance to show I can do the job.

One of my biggest weaknesses is live speed. Like, being in conversation and being made to pull out the right words in the right time, while also speaking correctly without impediment. Impediment show to NT a lack of confidence.

One of my other biggest issues is the feeling I may some day have to tell her that I have adhd/nvld, her not knowing what the actual hell that is and just thinking 'I don't have the time to have to accommodate for this.' or believing that because I've said that or just the fact that it's true that I won't be able to do the job properly.

I mean, I am most likely fearing worst case scenario, but it is a very valid fear, I think. She's so curt and seems most interested in getting to the point of things that I wouldn't be able to explain anything anyway.

I think we both know I can do it once we get everything organized, but what she is seeing is how I am handling this training, which isn't 100% how I'll be when left to my own devices. When I'm left to work and not have to follow what a person is saying while also having to remember more than 5 things, while listening to those 5+ things and my hands performing the task at the very same time. As well as needing to speak to confirm I am following...

Biggest note, my anxiety doesn't really stem as much from a fear that I cannot do the task, it's that I will be cut off before I can prove I can do the task...

Then, despite knowing I can do the job, those doubtful words creep into my thoughts intrusively. 'What if you really are not fit for this job? What if you really aren't fit for any job actually? What if it ends up, the only jobs that can accept your dumbass are the ones that will never insure you can have a comfortable life? and you'll be stuck worrying about finances forever.'

It's not enough that I'm very good at many skills and or tasks, I have to be pro and super efficient at at least one of those skills... If I'm not "excellent", I can be replaced by someone who is.