#i mean. we have adhd what else did we expect.

[brehaaorgana]

ADHD money/budgeting system I'm currently using for my benefit is going well (I've been using it for like half a year now?), and I wanna recommend it.

You Need a Budget is EXCELLENT. 10/10 do recommend. Uhhh rambling about it and my generic disclaimers + gushing extensively under the cut but TL;DR I think it's great for ADHD ppl, I've used it for 6+ months now and I find it super SUPER helpful. also weirdly fun.

DISCLAIMERS:

Budgeting helps you understand/know your money, it can't make money appear where there is none.

Everyone should learn to budget even if you don't have much money (especially then)

This is NOT a magic trick solution. Just like everything else, it is an assistive tool. This is one of those adult things we can't simply opt out of without negative consequences, though.

My advice is based on something I am currently able to do. That is, I can spend an amount of money on this specific thing that works well for me. If you have no extra money to spend then previously I was tracking things in a notebook. So you can still do this.

I believe Dave Ramsey is a fundie fraud/hack and no one should listen to him about money.

DID YOU KNOW THEY CANCELLED MINT???

Okay? OKAY.

Ahem.

You Need a Budget is EXCELLENT.

It is called YNAB for short. The first 34 days are your free trial, and that is my referral link. If anyone uses it and then signs up for a subscription, we both get a month free. Also you can share a subscription with up to six people (account owner can see everything but individuals can pick and choose what they share amongst each other) so like...idk your whole polycule can be on one account. Or your kids. Whatever.

If you are a student, it's free for a year. If you aren't, a subscription is $99 for a year (paid all at once) or $14.99 monthly, which is equivalent to paying Amazon prime. Go cancel Prime and get this instead tbh.

They got a whole article just on ynab and ADHD. They also have like...a big variety of ways to access their info? They have a book, podcast episodes, YouTube videos, blog posts, q&A's, free live workshops you can join (you can request live captioning), emails they can send (if you want) a wiki, and so on. They got workshops on all kinds of topics!!

So whatever ends up working for your brain. It also has a matching app.

If you lost Mint this year they have a gajillion things for moving from Mint.

Also they have a "got five minutes?" Page which has a slider so you can decide how much attention/time you have before going on lol:

They only have 4 rules of the budget, they're simple and practical, and it doesn't get judgey or like...mean about your spending.

1. Give every dollar a job 2. Embrace your true expenses 3. Roll with the punches 4. Age your money.

THEN THEY BREAK THESE DOWN INTO SMALL STEPS FOR YOU! They even have a printable! Also these rules are great because there's built in expectations that things WILL HAPPEN and it's NOT all or nothing with a fear of total collapse into failure. Reality and The Plan don't always align, especially if you have ADHD. So it's directing our energy towards the true expenses and not clinging to The Plan!! over reality.

You can automate a lot of shit (you can sync with your bank accounts just like mint, but also automate tagging the categories of regular expenses/transactions). And if for whatever reason you accidentally do something that makes the budget look weird or wrong:

A) you can usually fix it somehow OR b) they have like, a button you can press that gives you a clean slate and archives the previous version of the budget for you.

So if you forget for a few weeks or months, or accidentally input something wildly wrong, or just don't want to look at a really terrible month anymore and feel like you need a fresh start you can usually either fix it or start fresh which is really nice.

The app also (for whatever reason) scratches my itch to have things like...have incentives or little game-like goals in a way mint never did? I don't know why. Filling up the bars or putting money into the categories to cover my expenses is satisfying lmao. You can also make a big wish expense category for all the fun shit you want, and fund it whenever you can and then you can see the little bar go up and that's fun.

Anyways I've been using it for like 6+ months now and I think it's really helped me when I use it.

[copperbadge]

Before I left for vacation I did my usual “tidy for the petsitter” routine, and there was some paperwork that I thought should probably get put away, so I stashed it in a storage bin I had out. Because I know me, I put a note in my to-do list for when I got back that said “There’s important stuff in the bin, remember to go get it.”

So I did, but I thought I should deal with the other stuff in the bin too, and I’ve just been popping the lid and dealing with one or two things every time I go past it. Most of it is paperwork, and I’ve just hit some records from high school that my mother recently gave to me without either of us going through them.

There’s a bunch of report cards, which are heartbreaking and hilarious. I graduated a semester early and my last semester was cleanup -- two classes to complete graduation requirements and one to maintain status as a “full time” student. Two were math-based which I was notoriously bad at, and sure enough at the midterm I was getting a D+ in one and a C- in the other. We’d just begun digital grade recording, so the teachers would keep their grades in a paper book and then log into an extremely basic database and enter the grades, which would spit out on our printed report cards. They could put in a grade plus three “codes” which would print next to our grades as status updates, stuff like “disruptive in class” or similar. 

My English course, in which I was getting an A, said “Exceeding expectations” which was kind of Mr. G because I remember him and his expectations were exceptionally high for me. 

The other two have the same catechism: Missing Assignments, Does Not Pay Attention In Class, and of course...Achievement Not Up To Ability. Guess now we know why. 

Reading through these old cards with the cushion of time, it’s fascinating to see my young brain at work. My math and (math-based) science grades tank so hard, at the same time I was getting As or Bs everywhere else -- history, civics, econ, english, spanish. There are documented questions about whether I’m going to pass enough math to graduate high school, dated the same semester as my perfect Verbal SAT score and my fives in AP Comp and Lit. The first semester after I was put into the Gifted program, I failed Remedial Algebra.  

I did say at the time, to my mother and my teachers, there’s something wrong here. My mother, in her defense, had her hands full with my brother; my teachers just didn’t know what to do with me. The school district was broke and didn’t have disability testing available. By the time I got to college I’d simply internalized the idea that I was a neurotypical kid who got stubborn when asked to do something I found pointless and boring, and that was a personality flaw to be corrected, not a symptom of something bigger. My therapist for my last few years of high school agreed, and thought I should probably learn more anger management techniques. Although it turns out you can’t breathing-exercise your way out of undiagnosed ADHD. 

In any case, here in 2023, there’s no solution or tidy resolution or anything to be done about it, it just is what it is: a sheaf of paper from the late 90s about a smart fuckup who could have used a hand. I’m here now, alive and employed and medicated and a homeowner, so it’s a bunch of numbers that don’t mean anything. I’ll scan them into my digital archive, then toss the paper and never look at the archive again, probably. 

Achievement not up to ability. Boy, no kidding. 

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[knoxic]

A kiss may ruin a human life.

Oscar Wilde

-Masterlist- part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4

wc: 2,7k

warnings: sexual tension (?), mentions of death and kidnappings, reader has adhd, horny aaron, miscommunication again. pls let me know if there's more!

a/n: the story changed a bit but it will go back to the first plot eventually! is just that i had a few more ideas and decided to add them here instead of writing another fic. part 3 is aaron's pov so we'll get back to the angst of part 1. no use of y/n.

a/n²: did i make it seem like reader is gender neutral?

Silence.

Nothing but the sounds of your breaths could be heard in the room.

A room that now felt cold and dark, if it was uncomfortable before, now it was unbearable. None of you spoke, you were still waiting for him to say something and he was too shocked to form any coherent sentence.

"If you're not going to say anything-"

"No- i just, don't know where to start." his voice was low, quiet and unsure.

"Start from," you paused, trying to decide what you wanted to know more, "Sunday morning."

"What?" was he playing dumb?

"We got this case on sunday morning, that was when you started acting weird." please Hotch...

"Oh," he still didn't know what to do, but whatever he did now would change your relationship anyway, so, he should probably tell you the truth. "It's because, i- i knew we would have to share a room," he paused to find words that explained what he was feeling but you took it another way.

"What is so wrong about being around me that always gets you like this?" your voice broke a little, and you hated yourself for showing weakness.

"There's nothing wrong!" that came out louder than he intended and he saw the way you flinched, "sorry, but i need you to understand, there is nothing wrong about you. Please just stay quiet so i can finish this?" he pleaded and those usually frowned eyebrows were now raised, his eyes were pleading.

"Okay."

There was a pause, he was gathering his thoughts and giving you both time to calm down.

"From the moment i heard we would be staying together, i knew i would have to get a hold of myself, as a unit chief i couldn't just let go like i wanted to... like i want to," what?

"I love spending time with you, more than i should and it scares me. I thought that if i didn't get too close i would be fine and it worked, until we shared a room for the first time," he sighed, "You were so sweet and caring and it surprised me," that sounded more like a question "i expected that but i didn't expect to... like it so much."

"Hotch-"

"Wait." he glared at you.

When you remained quiet he started speaking again "Ever since you came to my office, i knew i was in trouble." he sighed and shook his head, "When Strauss told me about you i was ready to treat you just like any other agent who came to my unit, but when i saw you... I didn't know what it was about you that kept pulling me in but i didn't want it to stop, being around you healed a part of me that i wasn't aware was bleeding. The way you treated me, with no judgement for what I've done... you treated me like everybody else and still made me feel special... i let myself be fooled by hope, of... what we could be."

...

At this point you were speechless, Hotch has never said so much and your mind was still processing what he implied.

"I know it's wrong, i am your superior, fuck, I'm your boss, the one you should look up to, the one who should take care of you and here i am being the creepy guy." he laughed but there was no humor behind it. "I am so sorry i made you uncomfortable, it was never my intention to let my feelings come forward. If you want to file a complaint against me, i understand."

"Hotch... no." it came as a whisper, you coughed and tried again, "No, but, i still don't know what it means..." fuck, I'm dumb. "Feelings?"

"Feelings. For you."

"Like, romantic feelings?"

"Yes? i mean, if they were harmless i wouldn't have to tell you," with his usual frown back he looked at you unsure, as if you were discussing an unsub's methodology.

"Oh..." harmless? why would it be harmless? him having feelings for you was all you wanted!... file a complaint?

"That is... what i wanted for as long as I've known you." you looked at him not sure what to expect but he kept eye contact, you could see the moment he understood what you meant.

He did not look relieved.

...

"Fuck." he whispered and threw his head back, rubbing his eyes roughly with the pad of his fingers. "What do we do now?"

"I don't know, but from the way you're acting i take it you don't want to do anything..." it hurt to realize he did not want to do something, deep down you knew it wasn't so simple but at the moment you couldn't really think past the possible heartbreak.

"It's not like that."

"It seems exactly like that..."

"I'm just not sure we should act on it, i am not good for you." He raised his voice and turned so he was sitting with his feet touching the floor.

"So we should just pretend this conversation didn't happen?" you said while pushing the blankets and mirroring his position, except his legs were covered by plain black pants. Your grey shorts that barely showed underneath your oversized shirt did not help your fake confidence.

Your question was met with silence.

"Maybe." Yes.

Careful to not let him see how disappointed you were, you kept his gaze, looking just as tough as him.

Under your stare, his resolve almost slipped until you got up, the same way you did after finishing an interrogation. The way you seemed so sure of yourself almost got him believing that what he said didn't affect you. That same sound of your bag opening is what snapped him out of his trance.

"What are you doing?"

"I'll spend the night with Emily." your voice was low and steady. The walls you built up to protect yourself from things that could hurt you coming back up strongly, walls that you used to hide your emotions when you didn't want people to know how you were feeling and my god did they work. He hated to be met with a emotionless expression when you turned to grab something from your bed-

"You don't have to..."

"Yes i do." again, low and steady. "I'll sleep there tonight and tomorrow I'll book another room."

He didn't know what to say, that was the best thing to do but you being away meant he wouldn't get to hear you breathing...

"We only have a few hours before we need to go back to work, you should let Emily sleep." trying to make you feel guilty didn't seem to work as you kept gathering your things. He was getting anxious now and when you passed him to pick up your phone from the bedside table he pulled the device out of your hand. "Stay. it's too late for you to be walking around the hotel." he was hoping that if he used his work voice maybe you'd listen.

"Give it back."

"No."

He was towering over you and the feeling he felt before came back, if you kept looking at him like that, he would break.

He couldn't afford to break.

So he left you standing there, walking to the bathroom with your phone in hand. You stood like that even after he slammed the door, shocked he had really just taken your phone just like your parents did when you were a teenager. After the shock passed you almost laughed at how insane this was, did he really think that this would stop you?

He knew it didn't stop you but he hoped it would. He had taken your phone but it's not like you needed it if you were going to stay with Emily. Looking at himself in the mirror, the eyes he was met with did not seem like him, for the first time in a while he did not know what to do. When he went inside he didn't even know what he was thinking exactly, only knew that he wanted to get away from you as fast as possible without making you leave the room. Looking around, his eyes fell to the same towel he used earlier that now was folded beside the sink, in his rush to take a shower he didn't think much about where to put it but he was sure he hadn't folded it.

You don't remember hearing the lock, if he didn't lock the door you could just go in and get your phone back, even the idea of fighting again seemed appealing, maybe if you fought with him some more your feelings would dissipate...

A shower always helped him take his mind off of things but right now he could barely move without being reminded of your presence. The towel you folded because he had thrown it somewhere carelessly and you knew he would want to shower again before work, your own towel and dirty clothes that laid together on the floor, the liquid soap you used that normally would be kept in a corner with your skin care products but that now was right beside his shampoo, you were also desperate for sleep and yet you made up time to fold his towel... yeah a shower wouldn't hurt.

Hearing the water running somehow duplicated your want to go inside, finding yourself right in front of the door with your hand on the handle when-

"Fuck!" a whispered scream, muffled by the water yet distinct enough for you to understand.

If you were to go in, you would have to be prepared to face him... the door would make noise and there was a chance that maybe the curtain was not closed enough and he would see you coming in, if you were to go in... it would have to be now.

This is definitely not what he planned to do, the initial idea was to take a shower to clean his head from any thoughts of you, not to fill it it more thoughts... definitely not these kind of thoughts. Now he was hard and even more frustrated.

Both his hands were on the wall, his head resting on it while he contemplated what to do, touching himself while thinking of you when you were at the other side of the door right after a fight felt dirty. When his left hand started slipping down a couple knocks echoed followed by your voice, no longer the voice that made him feel small.

"Hotch? can i come in?" he should tell you no, what if you somehow managed to see the evidence of his perverted thoughts?

"Yes." yes please, come in, come see for yourself that I'm just as worst as those guys on the street that you held yourself back from punching.

You were right. The door made a loud noise that made you cringe, looking at the mirror you were met with the damp white curtain, the fact that he was standing naked behind it right now was enough to make you forget why you were here in the first place, a loud buzzing made you remember. Walking quickly to where he had put your phone, right above his towel, picking it up you were met with a call from Rossi and 3 new messages.

"Dave is calling." you figured Aaron had also heard the phone buzzing. "Hello?"

"You're awake!"

"Uhm, yeah..." weird.

"Good, is Aaron with you?" come on Dave, you know he is.

"Yes he is." you were facing the mirror and saw when Aaron reached a hand up to pull the curtain back before letting go, apparently he remembered you were there and he couldn't just get out, especially given his current state...

"Great, i called him 3 times and he didn't pick up" there was a pause, "Thought that was unusual, he usually picks up in the first ring..." he was talking in a suggestive tone but, he often used it when talking about Aaron.

"Oh, he's taking a shower..." no, no, no you shouldn't have said that! he can probably hear the shower running-

"At 3am?" he laughed, "Weird guy, but well, tell him boy genius found something that could help the profile, we're heading back to the station right now."

"Okay, I'll let him know."

Guess you weren't sleeping tonight, at least Aaron did, having a sleep deprived guy driving you wouldn't be good.

"What did he want?" you didn't realize you hadn't said anything after the call ended, snapping your head up you were met with Aaron watching you from behind the curtain, his hair was damp and he looked flushed.

"Spence found something, they're heading back to the station now." he nodded, his wet hair shaking and a few droplets of water falling down his face, it looked obscene really. "Anything else?"

"He said he called you and found strange that you didn't answer," you were avoiding looking at him now but still saw in your peripheral vision when he nodded while humming.

There was a moment of awkwardness until you realized you could just leave, so you did just that.

"Wait!" he called out before you could fully step out of the room, "Can you hand me the towel?"

You didn't answer but still went back inside to grab it, the fabric felt soft and comforting unlike his wet and cold hand when it accidentally touched your fingers.

"Wait for me? I'll be out quick."

"I don't-"

"Please?"

"Sure." you sighed.

...

Closing the door behind yourself felt more relieving than catching an unsub... okay, that was an overstatement but the feeling was there. Not knowing how long it would take for him to be out but aware he only had the clothes he was wearing to bed in the bathroom, you tried to change as fast as you could, having Aaron seeing even more skin would be too embarrassing.

You had done a good work earlier picking up your clothes, all of them were stuffed inside your go bag and you could see a white button up, white tank top and the black pants you wore today sticking out, it would have to do. Deciding to take one step at a time you pulled the shorts down, your shirt was big enough to cover your ass if Aaron suddenly opened the door, thankfully, it did not happen. Taking your shirt off felt a bit too risky, just having the cool air of the room hit your bare back and chest would make you shiver, if Aaron saw it you would be left shaking. Pants buttoned and shirt left for later you picked up your sneakers, boots were too much for a time you were supposed to be sleeping, just as you were finishing tying them the loud noise of the door opening and heavy footsteps filled the room.

"Ready?" he seemed out of breath, you hadn't looked up yet but you were sitting in your bed and he had to walk in front of you to get to his. When he did, you could see the black pants pooling around his feet.

"Not yet."

Picking the shirt and tank top you had throw a little further on the bed you risked a glance in his direction, bare shoulders, pale enough you could make out the outline of where his hand were gripping a second before, his tense muscles were aching even more now, having to interact with you and pretend to not have almost jerked off to the thought of you minutes ago had only made it worse.

Hearing your bed creaking he looked back, he supposed you were walking to the bathroom to change your shirt, oh what he would do to have you change right in front of him... fuck, not again!

Adjusting his pants, again, he tried to focus on the case.

Women around 20-25 were being kidnapped, found dead 3 days later. The case was pretty much like any other but the city decided to not cooperate, the team was stressed and it doubled when another woman went missing yesterday, one of the police officers knew her family and almost started a fistfight with Derek when we took a break, not pleased with the fact that we weren't machines and actually needed to take breaks eventually.

"Now i am." you were back, he hadn't even realized he continued moving while thinking.

"Good. Let's get going."

Now with the work mask put on, both were ready to act like no words were exchanged tonight.

a/n³: i read this like 3 times and i still don't trust my work lol, I'll try to find a beta reader so i can post faster.

[actuallyadhd]

As someone with adhd who is struggling and still recovering from a major burn/total collapse. How does one deal with failure when you know that this failure was still a massive improvement like I probably failed two of my classes but also the fact that I made it to class 80% of the time and only 20% of my dishes were left dirty long enough to turn into a science experiment as a win but that doesn’t matter to the rest of the world. I feel both like I’m improving and getting a better grip on things and also like an absolute failure who can and should be doing so much better. I don’t ant to improve I want to succeed but I’m stuck and don’t know how to like I’m drowning and don’t know how to ask for help because it feels like I shouldn’t.

Sent December 7, 2023

Okay, first of all, HOORAY FOR MAKING IT TO CLASS AND KEEPING YOUR DISHES CLEAN! Regardless of anything else, those are two huge achievements. I don't care what the rest of the world thinks, I care that you did something that huge for you.

I also completely understand feeling stuck, feeling like you're drowning, feeling like a failure, not feeling able to ask for help. I'm not great at dealing with it yet, but I can at least tell you what's been helping me a little bit.

Redefining "success". Society has all these expectations about what constitutes success and how people should achieve it. I do my best to dump that stuff when it comes up, because it's just not applicable to me. (This is not easy.)

Doing "the next right thing". Sometimes the only thing you can do is the thing that makes sense in the moment. That has to be okay. So when you're feeling stuck, think about the one thing you can do right then to help you get where you want to be.

Reaching out for help, or at least for advice. This is not easy, but if you can find somewhere to go for support (like here!) it will be really good. I recently posted about some personal stuff in a Discord server and found out that some of the others there have the same problems. I also posted about some different personal stuff on Reddit and have gotten some great suggestions for how to deal with them. Both places have offered support in different ways, and that's what I need sometimes.

Here are a few tips about redefining success.

Think about what you really want to achieve. Just you.

Think about what you actually need in order to do that. For example, if you want to be a published author, do you need a degree in creative writing? If not, what do you actually need?

Think about how you can get what you need and achieve your goal.

Success doesn't have to mean "perfect" any more than it has to mean "rich". When I was working in Early Intervention, we considered a skill mastered when the student was able to do it correctly 80% of the time. It sounds to me like you did that this year, even if it didn't result in passing grades.

When you don't get that 80%, look at where things broke down so you can try and keep that from happening next time. For example, did you struggle with completing assignments on time? Maybe you need to get extensions on the due date. Maybe you need to break an assignment down into smaller steps and give each step a deadline so you can get it done and turned in on time. I obviously don't know, but if you need help figuring that stuff out we can help if you give more details.

Followers, do you have any words of celebration or encouragement (or both!)? Please share!

-J

[wafflerageface]

Top 5: Favorite Durgetash headcanons

Like my personal headcanons or ones I’ve seen?

Personal headcanons:

1. Durgetash were head over heels in love with each other, even if they expressed love in ways that seemed fucked up to everyone else. They were two incredibly lonely people that just clicked in all the right ways to make each other feel like at least one person out there cared about them, and they did.

2. Enver Gortash is autistic/ADHD and Durge was his favourite person to info dump on. I mean look at him. My wife is autistic and they have very similar mannerism and ways of thinking. (In the logical sense anyway my wife hasn’t killed anyone) Especially with how his parents described how brilliant he was even as a child, I can just imagine child Enver coming off as annoying and needy to everyone around him because he wanted to talk about his inventions and no one cared to listen. Durge, on the other hand, grew up in a temple where they were expected to behave a certain way and was essentially treated as a puppet, even if they could’ve called the shots how they wanted to. I can’t imagine being a child taken into a murder cult and feeling anything but fear, even if you don’t need to be afraid. Durge knew nothing but blood and death for years, and along comes this funky little guy that wants to rant for hours about the kind of metal he wants to build his steel watch out of?? Yeah. They loved that shit.

3. Enver is a pansexual monster fucker that will love your Durge no matter what. This man has been so lonely for so long that I genuinely think he doesn’t care what package the love comes in so long as he isn’t being used anymore. You’re a Dragonborn? Cool he can work with that. A tiefling? Excellent he’s gonna use those horns as handlebars. A cute half-elf that has a surprising appetite for blood? Absolutely and can he join the next blood bath please?? He loves seeing you work

4. Durge did not want to be Bhaal’s scion. I know a lot of people don’t like how the Durge opening makes it seem like they’re trying to “erase” that Durge was evil, but I view it more as perhaps Durge was never willing. Just because you’re fathered by a murder god doesn’t make you a murderer, and amnesia doesn’t really change who a person is, they just forget. Your brain literally just won’t let you recall memories. Now personally, I’m all for if you think your Durge hates everything about being the Chosen, or (like for my Durge) you think they just hated not being in control of themselves or allowed to kill as they please. Both are great mechanics for a well-rounded character, but I really think either way, Durge hated being what their father made them into, and would have jumped the moment they could escape. The prayer of forgiveness? A classic here’s my fake apology abusive parent so I can spare myself more abuse.

5. Enver whored himself out as a young man to get lots of power and money and he hated every second of it. We know it’s canon that he slept around a lot before the present day setting of the game, but I don’t think he ever enjoyed it. Not really. He grew up in the HoH where he was beaten and abused and nearly tortured to death on many occasions. He finally escapes with nothing to his name and once again he’s at the mercy of whoever he can convince to give him food, shelter, money, etc for the price of his body. This man absolutely has two wolves inside of him and one is a god complex and the other is an ego so crippled and fragile it’s a wonder he ever comes out of the house. When he meets Durge, he’s willing to manipulate them however he must to secure their alliance. He’s done it before, he’ll do it again. I think he’s so very surprised when Durge catches feelings back, when they go out of their way to take care of him, compliment him, even if it’s in their own fucked up fashion. I think the real sticking point for him would be when he and Durge are attending some high society to do together and they run into an old fling. Enver being upset and uncomfortable enough that they leave early and he tells Durge everything. The next day, and the following weeks, he finds severed hands, fingers, bloodied jewellery, all placed at his desk or beside his bed and he can’t help but smile. Durge bringing him pieces of their kills like a cat is so endearing to him.

I’ve got so many more but I think those are my favourite.

[dogydayz]

I think one of my favorite parts of the "autistic Shadow" headcanon is the fact that he's designed to be the Ultimate Lifeform. I don't mean this in an annoying, "autism is a superpower" dumb way (even if I do find my own autism to actually be quite helpful at times, the whole concept of calling it that is stupid and used to hurt people like us), I mean it in a "Shadow was genetically engineered to be an Ultimate Lifeform, he's designed to survive and be able to do things no one else can, yet he still struggles with something that could be classified as a disability in his daily life." I dont know if im wording it properly, but there's something about how he's still viewed as that Ultimate Lifeform despite dealing with something that many people would immediately label as a trait that makes someone "inherently" less capable of survival. I know that many folks struggle with autism in way more severe ways than I may (though much of me saying this is kinda me repressing and refusing to acknowledge that it IS still a disability for me, but still, i recognize others DO deal with more severe aspects than I do), however I really just dislike how autistic characters get labeled as inherently "unable" to live "right". He's a character whose whole thing is that he makes his own path for himself, he fights even if the world hates him, he doesn't back down and even when it looks like he is, he's just playing it smart. Even if he does have these struggles, he IS able to find a life for himself, he isn't held down by expectations or what people tell him he is. In fact, that's ANOTHER whole part of him as a character, that he breaks free from what others say he should be. Even if he were confirmed to be autistic, he wouldn't be "the autistic character". He'd still be himself, he'd be Shadow, they'd be confirming that he has certain struggles, but he'd still be /himself/.

His story wouldn't change, he wouldn't be bound by the chains of what people think an autistic character in media should look like, he wouldn't be "the character who's autistic" (as if they aren't all already autistic, but that's a whole different topic lol), he'd just be Shadow, and Shadow would just happen to be autistic.

Again, I may be wording this wrong and if i am PLEASE forgive me, I'm trying so hard to put my thoughts into words,,,

I think this is coming a bit from a place of me seeing Prime Sonic and thinking to myself "holy fucking shit he's got ADHD but it's not shown as all of him". Of course they havent truly confirmed Sonic to be ADHD but like, i think they probably did do it purposefully here, but maybe that's just me? I just see him do stuff and think "wow yeah, I've done that before! And I do it because i have ADHD! and he has some of my struggles!! But his friends still love him even if they're annoyed by him at times, and he still isn't a bad person even if he did fuck up! Any they handle it with nuance that real people experience in life!!"

And that's how I'd see autistic Shadow being handled. He already has a lotta the traits, but they don't confirm it being based on things like sensory overload or whatever, despite the fact that they really could. And even if they did, he'd be handled just as if it were another trait. It wouldn't be some defining attribute to him, him being autistic wouldn't be some selling point, there wouldn't be any "look! There's now an autistic character in this media!!".

But back to the main point.... Basically, him being autistic doesn't make him any less of the Ultimate Lifeform, and I think that's about the most extreme way to get across the point of "being autistic doesn't make you any less of a person or any less important". He was GENETICALLY ENGINEERED. Yet he still is autistic and it was decided "yep we succeeded in creating the Ultimate Lifeform!", so much so that the military wanted to use him as a WEAPON. Nothing about his potential disability made him any less of a success, or any less of a protector to Maria, or any less of a wonderful creation to Gerald, or any less of anything else to anyone he knows.

Something about that is just... a really nice idea to me. Maybe not for everyone, but to me that's inspiring as fuck, and reassuring to, to think about...

[wren-writes-things]

Hii wren <3

1, 8, 10, 28 for soft asks :3

Hey Pixel! How have you been?

1. What song makes you feel better?

Well music just calms me down in general, I’ve always just really enjoyed the piano and singing. So you can probably get me to listen to just about anything and I’ll probably be happy.

But let’s see… New Discovery by the Crane Wives and Meteor Shower by Cavetown both have a really nice imagery to them and I appreciate that. Also my roommate writes music and I always love hearing what she’s working on because I know she puts a lot of work into them.

Oh the BotW soundtrack. My absolute adoration for that game might provide a bias but I love it so much.

8. Tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good.

I had things to say and it got out of hand, this is not my fault. Also I realized partway through this that a surprisingly large percentage of my mutuals are trying to kill me with their fanfics. “Guys, you have to stop, I can only take so many emotions,” they say, as if they don’t choose which fanfics they read.

@liminal-lesbian | You’ve always left really supportive comments when I posted stuff about my AUs and you’re just a really nice person. It also makes up for the fact that your last fanfic inflicted permanent trauma on me. (Joking on that last part but seriously if you haven’t read her fanfics drop everything you’re doing and go read them now. You could be literally trying to save the world but this takes priority.)

@the-god-of-chaos-himself | You might have an evil alter ego trying to murder me as I type this, but you’re an awesome person to talk to and I enjoy our conversations. (Yes this does imply Dalex is trying to stab me and I’m just typing on my phone, I have ADHD what do you expect?)

@kiwibirb1 | I was so excited when we became mutuals the other day the other day, you’re just a very cool person and I’m always excited to see what new ideas you have.

@detentiontrack | So we do not talk much and I legitimately did not know you were aware of my existence, but you said I was nice the other day and it just made me really happy. Plus I just find your blog really interesting.

@sars-wulf | While you’re definitely trying to murder my emotional stability with your writing you are very cool. I really just enjoy talking to you.

@aspynnwoofs | You’re really exciting to have boop wars against, also you’re just a really nice person! We do not talk a ton (because I’m pretty sure we’re both bad at conversation initiation), but I really enjoy seeing you.

@meowlphibia | You’ve successfully become the most reasonable one in the adoptive family of Marcy Wu, but only because everyone else is completely unhinged. Congratulations on this award. Honestly though you’re just a really cool person to talk to.

@heart-wit-strength | The joy that I experience every time I notice you in my notifications is astounding. You’re just a really cool person with really interesting Amphibia takes and AUs. Also you gave me claws one time via polls and I wish to assure you that I have made the best use of them.

10. What's something you’re excited for?

Ooh! I have an example that isn't Amphibia related for once. Epic The Underworld Saga is coming out soon, which yes I am aware you know (because you're the one who cursed me with this interest, and I mean that positively) The music is just so well done and I’m really looking forward to it. The Art of Amphibia is coming out and I need it! Oh also Stardew Valley updated and I’m really looking forward to when the update is available on the switch.

28. hugs or hand-holding?

Hugs, they’re just really nice.

[chippuyon]

How do you feel about episode 10?

Anon I hope you know I had no idea it was out yet and rushed to open it as soon as I saw this I AM IN SHAMBLES

Ok so as I was going through the op again remember this shot?

A metaphorical barrier between Kazuki and Rei and Miri, which makes a LOT more sense now that we know Misaki is taking Miri back. The act of holding the frame symbolizes kazurei's efforts to give Miri the happy life she has now, but they are outside the frame while Miri is inside. They can look in, Miri can't look out. They can't touch or interact with each other anymore.

On to the actual episode lmfao can we talk about how Misaki made herself look so cool and motherly in the kitchen when it turns out she was just microwaving a convenience store meal in the microwave I laughed so hard.

(Also Kazuki's line about there being nothing worse than somebody else messing around in your kitchen just solidified my ocd hc for him this man is sooo ocd adhd coded)

So this episode we learn that Misaki is about to die which, WOAH, was not expecting that. It adds a lot more gravity to the situation and is a believable motivation to take your daughter back. But, again, this does not mean she should be Miri's mother. Because once she grows up Miri will have to constantly be reminded of the fact that she was abandoned by her mom when she was 4. Kinda fucked up!

I do appreciate that Misaki is willing to spend the rest of her life dedicated to Miri, but, as Rei and Kazuki say, it's still just about her. She's only approaching Miri now because she's about to die and doesn't want any regrets before then. But Misaki is right too, their work is dangerous, and on top of that they're being actively targeted right now. The writers did a good job setting up the moral dilemma. The most important factor here though is Miri's happiness, which to her includes both her Papas and Mama so we'll see how that goes.

(That said, if Misaki does end up taking Miri back for good, isn't that cruel? To abandon your daughter, then take her back and properly care for her, while knowing you're just going to leave her alone again sooner rather than later.)

(Another interesting tidbit is Kazuki telling Misaki not to smoke. We know Rei has given up smoking, at least around Miri. Maybe a hint about who will be the best fit for Miri in the end?)

Then there's the family outing which was so adorable and chock full of references to past eps. Love this silent exchange between Kazuki and Rei what are you guys talking about up there let me into your heads...

AND THIS SHOT WITH THE CHRISTMAS WREATH ABOVE THEM GRAHHHH the final ep is gonna be during Christmas and parallel Kazuki catching Miri in ep 1 I just know it.

This dynamic where Kazuki is all too ready to give up on his happiness because he's already lost it before so many times versus Rei who doesn't want to accept it because *this* is his first happiness is juicy as hell and I'm gonna need all the fanartists and fic writers to step on it cause damn!!!

Kazuki putting his scarf around Miri like the cat :( sobbing ueueue need the cat and Miri to return to them later. And as if this ep wasn't painful enough they really had Kazuki closing it on THIS goddamn line

Like just shoot me in the head at this point it would hurt less.

[sunhated-a]

Hello! Welcome, this is a blog I've created to curate inspiration for Muzan Kibutsuji. But I am open to interactions, so I may dip my hands in some writing for him as well.

My portrayal of Muzan is quite canon divergent and based on equal parts headcanon and canon material.

I'm very laidback on this blog, so expect minimal formatting and icons, sporadic activity, and varying post length.

Guidelines under read more.

Basic RP etiquette applies. Do not control my character without my permission, in character =/= out of character. Muzan is a very abrasive muse. So please don't take his rudeness personally. If you are a personal blog, you may follow me and send in asks or like headcanon posts. I have anon enabled if you'd prefer to use that. However, I would ask that you do not reblog my headcanons or threads. Please understand you are a guest in this space and be mindful with how you engage. Other than that, you're welcome on my blog! I hope you enjoy!

Fandom is a space meant for everyone to enjoy. Period. Bigotry of any kind, racism, sexism, transphobia, etc. Will not be tolerated. If I catch you engaging in any of these behaviors it's an immediate block from me.

Do not involve me in interpersonal drama. Roleplay is a fun hobby to me, and drama exhausts me. And to be frank, I am too old to care to keep up with who did what and why. I don't engage in dogpiles. I am just here to write my characters and stay in my lane. However, if any issues were to arise, I'd prefer to talk it out like adults. But if you'd no longer wish to interact for whatever reason, feel free to hard block me. There will be no hard feelings.

I am neither pro-ship nor an anti, nor do I care what camp you fall into. I'm just here to do my own thing. I will be exploring darker content on this blog: Including manipulation, abusive relationships, cannibalism, obsession, twisted dynamics among other things that come with the muse. I do have hard limits, however. I will not interact with you if you engage in noncon, underage smut, or adult / underage muse ships. All triggers will be tagged accordingly. And as always, if you need something tagged do not hesitate to let me know!

I run my blogs primarily on an interest basis, I also manage a household and I work. So my activity will fluctuate and be sporadic. I manage chronic depression and unmedicated ADHD both so I will probably be all over the place. IRL > Anything else. I will always prioritize the comfort level of a mun over writing and roleplay.

This is a canon divergent blog, as it says on the tin. There are a lot of aspects about Muzan and his story that I interpret differently, or omit entirely. If something about my portrayal isn't to your liking, I completely understand. You are entitled to your opinion, but please don't try to argue with me. Feel free to unfollow or block.

OCS. I love them. Feel free to send them my way, just be sure to have a page where I can read about them and we're golden. I am also duplicate friendly.

I am not open to shipping on this blog. I, however, will make exceptions if we have interacted OOC or if we're on the same page on what we want out of a ship. I'm uncomfortable shipping with people I don't interact with, this is purely for my own comfort and because of personal experiences in the past. But, if we've interacted and you think our characters would mesh well and have a good dynamic, by all means feel free to bring it up. I will not be posting smut or sexual content on this blog. So anything veering into that territory, I will ask to move to discord or another platform.

[violetjedisylveon]

It is Disability Pride Month!

I would suggest using the opportunity to learn more about all the different disabilities and how they impact the lives of people with them, and how that struggle is made worse by ablism in our society.

Take the chance to learn from actual disabled people, talk to us and hear our stories, listen to us when we tell you how to help us and make our society more functional and accessible.

Learn about disabled history, about the crimes and injustices done to disabled people. Look up disabilty holocaust and you will get a bunch of articles on what the nazis did to disabled people. It's depressing, but important to learn.

Disability isn't a bad word, it's an accurate description unlike calling someone differently abled. They aren't the same. Disability = not abled, like not able to walk because you are a leg amputee, not being able to do things like everyone else because you have no executive function capabilities. Differently abled = something like left handed, you are still fully abled, you just do it differently but you do it without any aid or tools.

My friend @poeticallydisgraced gave that example when our school put up a sign about recognizing differently abled students. And I think that fits the situation very well.

If you're curious, I've given a bit of a description of my experience under the cut.

Happy disability pride month!

I am nuerodivergent, Audhd, I have autism and Adhd. I also have chronic health issues with severe allergies and I get some bad migraines. I have hearing issues too but wouldn't call myself hard of hearing, it's more of a disconnect between what's said and what I hear. Makes for some entertaining conversations.

I tend to get over stimulated in social settings, too much noise and too many people really mess with me, light and sound trigger my migraines which can last for days, which is never fun.

I have no social awareness, and can't tell the difference between teasing and bullying, the line is super blurred/non existent for me.

This causes a lot of problems, because when people make those jokes and tease me, I don't get it, and to me it's rude and mean, but it also goes the other way cause when I joke I cross a line I can't see, and then everyone gets mad at me even though I'm doing the same thing as them.

I technically have a minor hearing loss in my left ear from a surgery as a child, but I had started having those hearing issues during the phase of development where you learn to speak, so my understanding of language is a bit skewed and I frequently hear things wrong, or don't hear the words said and have to ask for people to repeat it.

My family is starting to get annoyed and won't repeat anything but it's not like I'm choosing to do it, and it is very frustrating when they refuse to repeat it.

All these things leave me feeling a little isolated from my family and people around me.

I am expected to change and be someone else that is more acceptable to nuerotypical society, I jump through hoops and put on an act to appear less different, I've always been singled out as weird and other, and while no one has bullied me, at least that I was aware of, I got left behind by my peers.

The constant masking and acting like something I am not is exhausting, after a week of school I am fully drained of my energy and ability to put on that act.

My mom has gotten upset that I don't act the way I do at school at home, but I shouldn't have to act like a different person with my family.

I am not ashamed to be nuerodiverse and disabled, no one should be shamed or looked down on for something they can't control. A lot still needs to be done to make our society accessible to everyone, the current disability protection and aid laws are insufficient and full of loopholes that allow for disabled people to be ignored.

Have fun learning!

Happy disability pride month!

[southpawaryn]

I had something happen last week that made me pretty angry. I have a 5yo spawn who has EXTREME symptoms of ADHD, specifically when it comes to impulse control. It’s caused many sleepless nights because of how many safety issues went into that. I have been trying for two years to get her help because I’m not equipped to help her.

I was brushed off as wanting to medicated her to not deal with it by the one professional that agreed to see a child that young. Everywhere else said “Not before 6 years old”. Well, she started school. Within a week, the school wanted to set her up with a 504 after I explained how no one would see her until she was 6.

I thought, maybe I can get her in early given her struggles in school. I call every pediatric neurologist, psychiatrist , developmental care facility, or anyone that could finally diagnose her and start the road to help her. The few that did diagnosis has MASSIVE waiting lists. I finally called my insurance company to see if I could take her out of state for this!

Well, this past Friday, I got a call from the school counselor who told me that my spawn “said something alarming in class”. It related to me being transgender and was far less alarming with that context. Well, I started talking to him about my struggles getting her help and the school partners with a medical group that can get the diagnosis for her! I was sent all the paperwork to get things going that day.

I am so angry that it took my spawn blurring out “something about one of her parents cutting off their boobs” to get her help. I don’t know how she heard that as I don’t discuss anything about my transition around her but I’m definitely going to be more careful in the future regarding that. Even if she’s totally cool with “mommy is a man”, she’s too young to understand the specifics of what that means.

We need better mental help support in America is the point, I guess. It’s been an uphill battle every step of the way and I’m tired. Every medical professional I’ve taken her to, who sadly can’t make official diagnosis, has stated she displayed significant ADHD traits.

I apologize for the rant. I guess I just wanted it off my chest. Don’t expect too much about my spawn in the future. I don’t like discussing her on social media.

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[marshmallowprotection]

TW! I committed an act of self harm for the first time last night since around middle school, I’m not proud of myself. It was triggered by school stress, I forgot how bad I get mentally when it comes to academics. I try so hard to prove myself as a burnt out gifted kid with ADHD, you know? I’m tired of being seen as lazy, or bad at everything. Can I get some SE comfort? We owe you lots Kait 🩷

TW: Self-Harm Mention

SE Saeran is the last person to ever misunderstand what you're going through.

He knows what it feels like to drag yourself to the brink of exhaustion because you're trying to prove yourself to the people around you. He understands how devastating it can feel to look somebody in the eyes and have them say that you're not doing enough, when you are quite frankly, doing everything you can at that specific moment in time to complete things.

You can't make everybody happy, which he learned the hard way because no matter how much he tried to please Rika, he never did. She kept him working non-stop while holding a carrot on a string and there was no way for him to reach the carrot. If you think he's going to misunderstand what it feels like to be overwhelmed by the fact that you can't make the people around you happy with anything you do, think again. 

You're not lazy and you don't have to work yourself into the ground to be able to prove that to anybody. All you have to do is put your best foot forward and do what you can with what you have. You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to be number one all the time. You don't have to be at the top of the class.

You're allowed to take it easy and go at your own pace. Falling under your expectations doesn't mean you're a failure, if anything, you should take it as a lesson to study harder in the future, but not to work yourself into the ground over it.

If you want to do better, it's one thing to study more, but it's another thing to beat yourself up. 

Saeran wouldn't want you to do that to yourself.

He does that enough to himself all the time. Even though he is mostly apathetic to the world around him due to how overwhelmed he got in the end, he still experiences a great amount of empathy and most of it is directed towards you because you have shown him a world of kindness he still isn't sure he deserves. Your kindness to him shows that you are a good person no matter what you do, and even if you fail to reach the height you set for yourself, he'll be standing there waiting to catch you.

You always do that for him, so why wouldn't he do it for you? Even if he has no idea what he's doing, you've done so much for him that it's only fair he tries to do whatever he can for you. Sure, does that look like him dragging you out of the house to lay under a shady tree for the afternoon so you don't have to think about anything?

Yeah.

That's how he handles a lot of stress in his life. Running away from it won't make it better, but taking a break from everything that makes you feel like your head is going to explode will make a difference. It sounds ridiculous when you say it out loud but it helps. At least, the act of taking a breather helps him. It might help you, who knows? It's always worth a shot. Taking the time to breathe and collect yourself before you do anything gives you time to find an answer and process what brought the pain in the first place.

Take it from Saeran, if you stew in those feelings forever, it will do nothing but bring you agony.

So, as you lay outside underneath the sky he loves so much, expect to feel his hand on top of yours as neither one of you says anything. He isn't much of a talker and you never ask him to push himself outside of his comfort bubble. He doesn't need to say much, if at all, because you know he's the kind of person who communicates what he's feeling through the way he looks at you and how willingly he lets you get close to him when nobody else could ever get that close.

If you take his hand, he'll give it a gentle squeeze. If you roll over into his side so you can close your eyes and stop thinking about anything but the way is chest rises and falls with every breath, he won't stop you, either. 

"Listen... don't let the desire to be the best destroy you, okay? You're already the best you that you can be... because for whatever reason, you decided I was worth the trouble... anyone who does that should be given sainthood by the church my brother loves so much. Now, let go... close your eyes... and just... breathe with me, okay?"

[goldmanguyperson]

before almost every single identity thing i find out does apply to me, i have a period of really liking it. a period of thinking “wow thats really cool” or “wow thats really interesting”.

when i was a kid i was almost jealous of autistic people for being autistic because i wanted to be able to do the things that were seen as autistic. later, like about 6 years later, it turned out that i am autistic. I only found out via diagnosis.

Before i realized i was trans i was really interested in gay dudes. then i was trans and gay. (though at first i was insanely stupid and was like “well i cant call myself gay cuz im pre surgery and hormones” thats bs)

before i realized i was nonhuman i thought therians were so cool. i thought the ability to self-express like that was amazing. The bravery of saying “yes. i am an animal” was aspirational to me. It was so liberating to realize that i was also like that.

before i realized i was plural i was almost jealous of plurality. I wanted to be able to describe myself as plural. i wanted to have headmates because i was so scared all by myself. It turned out they were already there and i just did not allow myself to realize because society is so singlet-centric. it turned out to be something i definitely needed.

people can be very harsh on people who are interested in identities (supposedly) not their own but often that is the first step in discovery. They are often interested because, whether they know it or not, they are it. In every case this happened to me i only did not realize at first because 1. i struggle to recognize my emotions and the things happening in my brain. just in general and 2. it turned out each time i realized i was of that identity, my experience was always a little different from what was expected of people with the identity.

I’m autistic. but i meltdown internally. my autism presents in a way considered more “feminine”. i was diagnosed with adhd first and attributed a lot of things to adhd and adhd alone, which could be true, but like, autism’s definitely there too. I masked because i had no idea that wasn’t really normal to have to do. i was able to keep myself “under control”. but it was unhealthy for me.

I’m a trans man. and i like a lot of “hypermasculine” things. People tend to ignore and sideline people like me because we are seen as scarier. less soft and less easy to understand in terms of standard societal roles of what a woman should be. Unfortunately people like me come off more threatening to many people.

I’m a shapeshifter. Sometimes I’m more solidly one thing—sometimes i am just an eagle. sometimes i am a machine. but shapeshifter is my most overarching nonhuman identity. I was confused by all the “finding your theriotype” kind of stuff. i did not consider i could be more than one thing because id never seen it. I know for a fact that i knew what i was already, so i found the idea of trying to research and find what i was kind of ridiculous, and just struggled to understand what what i knew of myself meant and what i could call it.

I’m a median system. my headmates are not there always, and sometimes we are one, sometimes they fuse, sometimes only some of us fuse. We don’t have amnesia. we don’t switch. so far, almost every time someone else tries to front it just fails. They have to speak through me more often than not. It makes it confusing to understand what is me and what is them, and sometimes that isn’t even a question that matters.

Everybody has their own journey and their own experiences. Don’t call people fake just for being different. It would be better if we made it clear that identity labels are just that: labels. they mean so much because they describe a reality. and reality is never really the same between two people.

[pageofheartdj]

I think... I think I am content with having NPD(being mixed with AvPD).

With all those nasty articles it's hard to properly realize yourself and your feelings and your actions.

With strangers/coworkers I act polite and timid. I never argue with people, I am obedient. I silently die inside from even a hint of critisism.

"You did the thing not good enough" and all I hear "You are not enough" and I try not to crumble.

I secretely hope to receive a special treatement. I want people to be delicate with me, to go easy on me. I know I can't expect it, I am like everyone else. I still want it. I am still upset when I don't get it. I do as I told with a smile anyway.

With close people I am more outgoing, less scared to be rejected(I know I am loved by them, they can't take this away from me). I ignore others needs while consentrating on my own. I know it's wrong, I know I should try better, but I worry too much about myself. What if I am being wronged? I don't know how I would know, it feels like I am always wronged. I don't know where is the golden balance.

It feels like a game, a tease, they shoot at me, I shoot at them. Until turns out they became serious at some point and I catch a whiplash. I feel like a fool, it was a game, it was fun. Are you saying I am stupid?

The little criticisms feel like "You are a dissapointment and you will never not be worthless" and I want to defend myself. Why are you so cruel with me, what did I do? I am angry. I don't want to start a conflict, so I growl in my throat or pierce my hand with nails, physical pain distracting from emotional. Don't cry, don't argue. I want to, but it will make it worse. Just swallow, just seeth on the inside. (Later we goof around once more and all forgotten)

(They didn't mean to upset me, just stated a fact. I can't handle it. It hurts and I can't get away from it)

I want to be loved and adored. I am not enough to earn it. So I daydream and daydream. Where I am skillful enough, without pesky ADHD(an excuse? I don't know) on my way to practice. Without AvPD(don't even hate it) to make me recoil from attention.

I want attention but on my terms and this is impossible and I am in pain. I need water not to wither, but water is crushing me to the ground. I don't know what to do, both options hurt and there is no middle ground.

I dare to like myself sometimes. But not too much, I know I have nothing to like in myself. And if I do, then I need to match my own expectations and they are high and I am not good enough for this. So sit on the floor and don't look up.

[queentheweeb]

Aizawa X Pro Hero Gender Neutral Reader

A/N: This is a request and your quirk is chakra meaning you can power up based on the amount of energy you have

------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were dancing in your apartment enjoying your day off from hero work. Ever since the symbol of peace had to forcibly retire crime rates had begun to go on the rise as well as the League of Villains has become an even bigger threat now. You had extra patrol, extra paperwork, and, also bigger and harder villains to deal with. It was always the ones you least expect to cause the most problems. Just the day before you were on your usual route when you heard a ruckus and, it was a purse snatcher. You thought it will be quick and easy to apprehend the guy but, no he had to have a mutant-like quirk that let out tentacles from his mouth. You were slammed against the walls of buildings and the ground bruising your whole body- nothing you couldn't handle-. Exactly five minutes later the thief was knocked out, and in custody, and you gave the purse back to the lady who was thanking you profusely. Long story short you were still nursing the bruises praying that your boyfriend Zawa would not freak out if he finds out. "He said he was going to come over later so, maybe I should cook?" The thing is you had to go outside for that but, wanted company. So you called Hizashi since he was off too. In half an hour you were outside your home waiting for Hizashi

"Y/N WHAT'S CRACKIN' LACKIN' BAAABYYYY" You turned at the exuberant voice that came from no other than your favorite resident DJ. He was dressed in casual clothing, a white shirt with a floral button down open, his glasses and hair in a low bun with a pair of black jeans. Overall he looked nice and blended in with the general public.

"Thanks for coming with me on such short notice. I wanted to make some dinner for Zawa so maybe you can help me choose?" He nodded and the serene atmosphere was broken by his chatter. It was wanted though and, his talking a lot was how he soothes his nerves and, keeps his ADHD in check. Very few people knew he was diagnosed with ADHD but, then again it was no one's business his own personal life let alone his health. The two of you made it to the supermarket choosing to make homemade ramen by buying the noodles, sauces, veggies, eggs, and whatever else you need for yourself. It was when you bent down to reach for something at the bottom shelf that Hizashi's chatter came to an abrupt stop. Curious you looked around to see if there was any danger before your eyes honed in on Hizashi "What happened Hizashi? Saw someone or something suspicious?" Yes, it was your day off but law-breakers and villains never had one. 

"Who did it?" He wasn't looking at you, he was looking down at your torso and lower region. Shit. You 100% forgot that he and Aizawa were best friends and he was getting the wrong idea. The bruises were in odd places you'll say BUT you had more...maybe not tell him that.

"W-what are you talking a-about?" So much for trying to play it cool so he doesn't flip his shit. You weren't sure who was more a force to be reckoned with. A pissed Hizashi or a pissed Shouta. You thought about it and they both were scary in their own right when angry.

"I saw them just now, Who. Did. It" He was in your face now his eyes swirling with concern and rage. It was a weird mixture to see from him

"I got attacked by a villain. It's fine. Shall we continue shopping?" You knew you weren't helping your case nor were you going to help Shouta when Hizashi told him. Well, Shouta was a bit more logical so he will fume but ask questions first. Hizashi was more of a react now and ask questions later kind of guy. Hizashi said nothing else but, you felt him staring at you. Every time you turned to ask him or tell him something he was nose-deep in the phone. That was fine though to you. It was getting late and, you wanted to get home and have dinner ready for when Shouta was ready. It was about 40 minutes before you got home with Hizashi taking you all the way and not leaving until you confirmed you were alone in your apartment. It was weird of him but, understandable since this wasn't the first time that he made sure you were home safe and sound and alone in your own home. Too many people get home alone and something happens. Not thinking too much of it, you decided to clean and start cooking. The food was done in about 45 minutes so you got in the shower. Once you were done you wore some shorts and a shirt to be in the house when your doorbell rang. Odd, Shouta wasn't expected to come until much later. Curious you went to the door and were shaken to see that it was Shouta! He had come over early! Now you were glad you had cooked first and showered afterward. "Zawa!" He grunted returning the hug 

"Come on in! I have food ready for you!" He did locking the door and headed straight for the bathroom dropping his capture weapon and sweater on the couch. He came out and sat down on the couch but something was off. He always watched you but, he was watching you more than usual. You couldn't figure it out until you looked down at yourself and saw that YOUR BRUISES WERE ON FULL DISPLAY. You almost chuckled but, didn't considering he would not be finding this funny. You slowly made your way to the sofa handing him his plate and setting yours down on the side table. He still hasn't broken eye contact and just as you thought you wouldn't be able to handle it anymore he spoke

"Tell me what happened before I kill someone." You jumped surprised he went straight to murder and then you thought about the situation and, figured you would be the same way in his shoes.

"Okay, I know the bruises placements are...odd but I swear he didn't do NOTHING like that. I got tossed around like a rag doll but I got him back with the same energy and so he's in custody and I'm home with my wonderful boyfriend." You looked at him hoping he wouldn't explode. He took a deep breath before getting up and going to the bathroom. He came right back out with the first aid and with no prompting you took off your shorts and top to give him full access. He sucked in a breath but said nothing as he carefully cleaned, put ointment, and bandaged the sensitive skin. It was a nice and intimate moment between the two of you. Once he was done he set the first aid kit back and sat down on the couch pulling you into his lap.

"I don't want your food to go to waste." He said nothing using his free hands to grab his bowl to eat. You did the same thing knowing it would be pointless to move from your spot. Not that you wanted to anyway.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

What are your thoughts?

[mommypieck]

Hello! I've been here for a while and seeing how much you've been through so far makes me sad that you've experienced so much sad shit. I recently came back to your blog since I wasn't on Tumblr for a while(I've been following you for sometime now) and decided to snoop around for a bit to see what I missed, congratulations on 10k followers btw🥺. Also I'm sorry in advance this will probably be long knowing how I can go on for a while.

Some things you've been through I can relate to, my family isn't a step family but it's definitely incredibly dysfunctional and can be shitty. It's almost 4am here so excuse any mistakes I make in writing this, I literally told myself if I didn't send this to you now I'm not gonna be able to later so I'm fighting sleep. Also your friendships I'm sorry you're stuck with people who don't deserve you in just about every aspect ☹️.

You seem like such a genuine sweetheart. I had an experience with a friendship I wanted to end before and I remember being the same as you were, wanting to stay in that friendship but couldn't leave because I was so attached to that person. I thought the end of the world was gonna happen when I left because I was so codependent on them. But I realized that the feelings I had when it came to them shouldn't be taken lightly, the bad feelings, every single one should never be taken lightly. I'm not gonna sit here and make any promises towards you that certain things are gonna be perfect but I can at least say that it's gonna be okay. Not just when but comes to friendships but living apart from your family. I know you've probably heard this shit a million times but you're not gonna be stuck in the same situation forever. If you have decided to leave that friendship I hope you felt the relief I did when I left mine, if you haven't decided to yet, you most likely will feel relieved even if there's always gonna be a longing for the good moments you might have had before, don't let the good distract you from all the bad.

When we all are teenagers or were teenagers, we are constantly told how grown up we have to act that we forget how young we really are. You are 19, you are so incredibly young and you have so much time to become whoever or whatever you want to become. I remember Jane Fonda saying that if you can't do something in your 20s,30s,40s or even 50s, you can still do it in your 60s. I DON'T mean that you won't accomplish all you desire now, because I'm sure you'll definitely get there, but you have a lot of time to get there, to think, to breathe, to exist, to have fun, to have new experiences.

Please remember that you haven't even met all the people who are gonna love you yet. You have so many people who will enter your life later on, as long as you allow them to enter and stay, that can and will love you so much.

If your family is shitty or weird, then you can have your own family, family is not defined to me by blood but by love. So I'm not telling you become pregnant or anything, but your friends can be your family, people you meet along the way can always become family, maybe even family members you'll eventually meet again will rekindle your family relationship.

I'm a bit forgetful (ADHD and trauma not a good combo)so I'm trying to remember what else I was gonna add omg.

You're a sweet girl, you're incredibly talented, if your desire is to become a writer then you're perfect for it already. Honestly I live by, "if Colleen Hoover and Anna Todd can write and publish those damn books, you damn well can too." And I know your books won't suck like theirs do. Full offense to Colleen Hoover fans btw🙃 I expect if you're reading stuff by mommypieck then your taste isn't bad.

Anyway this has been so long and I don't want to overwhelm you, so I'll end it for now, stay safe, and I hope you have a beautiful forever because just wishing you one day isn't enough💖🥺💖.

i am at loss of words.i seriously don't know what to say. thanku so much for this message. it means a world to me really. i am so happy that i have people here who stick with me and actually care what i have to say.i kinda feel bad that you spend so much time, typing all of this. but you seriously gave me hope for better life. thanku so so so so so much. i love u and i appreciate you. thank you again.