#i say as i impulse buy things due to depression

[jadeneppy]

Im at the point in my life where i want to do smthin but am too lost to know what

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for lying to my friends due to a psychological disorder?

Ever since I (21F, american) was quite young (I would say around my 9 or 10 years) my mother noticed I had a tendency for lying, sometimes even for no reason at all. Some years after that I started going through therapy and psychiatric sessions and was diagnosed as bipolar and, more specifically, mythomania (compulsive/pathological lying, the diagnostic changed depending on which psychiatrist I went through). My manic episodes usually last longer than the depressive ones and, when those happen, I usually just lock myself from everyone in my bedroom (I rarely leave home even during manic episodes due to my own fear of anything bad that could happen outside)

And I'd say it's during those manic episodes that the bad things start to happen. Ever since my early 17s I started fabricating my own life to online friends since I have extreme difficulty making friends on real life. This ranged from stuff such as me saying that I'm disabled and that's why I don't leave my house (not true, I can do it when necessary but otherwise I am able bodied) and other simple, white lies to stuff like my relationship with my family and living condition.

It was in 2021 I think it started to go downhill. I still don't think I was in the wrong for it since, again, it is a mental disorder but I decided to come ask others too since the one friend I have that knows about it thinks I might be an asshole about this in specific.

Around 2021 I started playing a specific game with gacha mechanics. To this point, the image I had painted to most online friends (with the exception of that one friend) was of a girl on her 20s with a good relationship with her mother but a bad one with both her dad and brother (a lie, as our dad left us when we were children and I have a pretty good relationship with my brother), disabled and in bad living conditions. Because of that, it had been some time (since the beginning of the lockdown) since some of these friends started sending me money whenever I said I needed it for one reason or another (usually to buy food or necessities like hygiene products) and, since I didn't need it at all, I would just end up using it on stuff I enjoy like art supplies or makeup.

The moment I started playing that game though (which none of my friends knew about since they still thought I didn't have my own computer), I started spending all of that money on the game to pull for characters. It wasn't a constant thing but it got specifically bad on 2022, when a character I really enjoy was released.

I still think it's not that bad since none of them gave me a lot of money anyways, but after what I already had was spent on the game and I didn't have any money to buy the currency, I went to the discord servers venting channel and started writing by impulse stuff like how my dad had evicted me and me alone from the house after I stood up to him and now I was living in my cramped old car on the streets with no food, clothes etc. Some of those friends got extremely worried or something like that and ended up sending me more money than usual so I could 'pay for a hotel' until I had time to get government support etc (I don't really know how that works anyways, but I said I'd try and thanked them a lot for it and said that as soon as I was safe I'd draw something for them as payback but I never did because it wasn't really like it was a commission anyways) and I spent it on the game to get the character and I did!

I had to keep the lie about being homeless and then getting government support ever since and last month me and my "real life partner" (not real but i made it up a few months before this so i just used it as a excuse that he was working to get us both a place to stay) were finally in a safe apartment. However, one of those online friends knew about my condition and started to suspect about it all and got angry at me for no reason, saying that I was stealing from my friends and being unfair on even denying that to her. After that she blocked me but I was able to lie to the server that she had threatened me and implied I was lying about it all which wasn't true because that was my real living situation.

I still don't think I am in the wrong, they all did offer it to me on their own after all and I already spent it so there's nothing I can do. Am I the asshole for lying due to a mental health condition?

What are these acronyms?

[xbeezchaos]

BPD! Scaramouche pt.3

A/N:Y’all are eating this up and I like writing this so here you go. Today we’ll be focusing on two specific symptoms of bpd. Self image and disassociation episodes. How he experiences them (not really. A good chunk is my own experience) and things he does.

Notes: scara x reader, no pronouns used, you helping him through these different episodes and emotions, cuddles, pet names , etc.

He often goes from this depressed and disassociated state:

Staring off blankly at everything and inspecting his surroundings

He ca. be very irritable and snappy with basically everyone because he’s in what he calls “The void”

Touching, hitting and pulling at his clothes, skin and body parts because he cannot fathom how he’s a solid being

Everything being loopy, twisted and feeling distant from him

Having irritability due to how slow everything feels. Even when it’s not slow. To him the worlds in agonizing slow motion

Everything being too loud or too quiet

“Sweetheart, can you pass me my headphones?” He’d hold his arm out, patiently waiting for you to hand them to him.

Not being able to pick up or hold many or a single conversation for hours to days at a time

Struggling to get out of bed or complete tasks

“My love, come back. I need you in my arms, please.” He’d practically whined out the last word.

“You know I’d love to but then good going to make sure that gorgeous face eats and drinks anything at all today if I don’t?” You kissed the top of ups head and left the room to go Make breakfast for you two

Sense of time being jumbled and confusing to him. So he uses way more timers and alarms.

You help by trying to run bu the same schedule. Setting the same alarms so you could shoot him a text to make sure he was on track with his day.

If he was he’ll text you back a long message about wanting to kill someone or himself. Sometimes both or in order of some sort of plan he’s devised on his breaks.

You find it funny and concerning how a simple comment would trigger him to say the most in response.

“Eat rocks and die.” Then he’ll proceed to ignore everyone with his noise canceling headphones on blast.

To this self image crisis and Euphoric mindset;

Cutting/dying his hair cause he realized how good he’ll look with the new image he has for his hair.

I mean. Do you think someone else besides himself picked and did that haircut?

Of course he’ll eventually ask for your help once too much damage has been done. But you’ve grown very skilled with fixing his hair

Getting new piercings. He will think on it first then do it as long as he has money ofc.

Loves getting his tongue pierced. Even if it took a few days before he could talk right again

Buying tons of things he may not need or use later

Likes spoiling you too. It can range from big to small things. Whatever he can think of to make you happy.

He loves the rush he gets when he sees the new things he has or how happy he makes you with the gifts.

Will last from hours to minutes so please be ready for him to come down from it.

Gets tattoos. And will bring you along, so you watch as the excitement slowly morphed into euphoria and he begins to shake and bite at the skin on his nails

How else did he get the gorgeous marks that illuminate in the dark?

He likes having you touch his tattoos once they’re fully healed.

Makes impulsive travel plans and follows through with them.

Tries new makeup or style or something to alter his appearance

Has constant thoughts of not feeling like he’s really himself. More of somebody else impersonating the real version of him.

Can’t look at himself for too long in pictures or the mirror for too long because in his words “that’s not me. It looks like me but something is seriously off. And I don’t like it.”

“I need to be. Not me. I’m doing too well and I’m tempted to fuck that up.” He says that a lot. Mainly to himself but on occasion you’ll overhear

Take his phone, laptop, wallet and whatever else away because he can and will but shit and dive into his savings without a second thought

“Cmon. It’s to cope! I deserve it!”

“Really? What you deserve is a fucking nap, let’s go!”

He proceeds to fight his way from sleeping while you lay your full body weight on him to keep him pinned to the bed with all of his electronics besides the tvs locked in another room

When he came down from this euphoric feeling. He was lucky to have you there because more often than not. He’d start crying.

Note!!!!:So that’s all I can think of right now and I don’t proof read but I’m hoping you guys love this one just as much as the last. If there’s anything else you wanna see or bpd Scara travel on to my ask box cause I’m running out of ideas.

[crispy-bonnie]

YESS I loved your rejection prompts! How about for the payday gang?? The concept of betrayal is prominent in the payday storyline (especially for Bain, who has apparently been betrayed all his life)

As for characters, I would say to write for your favorites :) ooo ooo CHAINS chains also he needs more love (more angst)

guess who's back bitches !! i'm gonna take writing a lot slower because i'm still having a bit of writer's block , but requests will be up and running again !! i also plan on making some catch-up posts for houston , bain , and chains ! gotta give them some love too :]

You reject them — THE PAYDAY GANG

Dallas

He thought you accepted the confession when he saw a rose and letter on his desk

But his heart dropped when he realized that it was the same rose he had given to you, but now it was wilted due to lack of care

Dallas eventually read the letter and oml he was doing his damndest not to sob

He put a lot of effort just attempting to stage the confession but his fears ended up being reality

After this? Isolation, as per usual.

He did a lot more stealth heists alone, wouldn’t talk to anyone. If someone tried to have a conversation with him, he would do his best to walk away or he’d be really dismissive

Bombards himself with work. Like…A LOT. In an attempt to distract himself

He ends up forgetting his basic needs and he has to be dragged out by Wick and Dragan

Dallas even considers leaving the Payday gang. He couldn’t seem to find a reason to stay anymore

TDLR: Isolation and depression

Wolf

Literally holding back tears when you said you weren't interested

"Yeah no I understand I'm gonna go back to my workspace now okaybye"

Wick was confused when he saw Wolf stumble into the room and nearly slam his face against his desk whilst sobbing

After a nice little crying-fest, he'll immediately start to distract himself by tending to his tech

He'll also drag Hoxton with him to Jimmy's bar to start sobbing his eyes out again while having a shit ton of beer [when you're not at the safe house of course]

Wolf got so fucking drunk that he nearly set the fuckin safe house on fire

Hoxton has to keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't do it again

Overall an unstable mess. Not violent, but definitely bad

Hoxton

What

No seriously

What the fuck

Hoxton's expression immediately drops once he heard you deny his confession

After that he just kinda left you and the entire picnic there

Unlike Wolf and Dallas, he ends up being aggressive about it

He goes on a lot more heists to take his aggression out elsewhere, but will sometimes slip and end up taking it out on you or someone else

Once he's done with the heists, his immediate impulse is to head to the nearest store and buy a shit ton of beer

So when he heads back to the safe house, the escape van is just packed with beer instead of cash [which annoys the heisters quite a lot]

Has gotten drunk and very violent during this time period

Eventually calms back down and slows down on the alcohol consumption, but is still generally upset over the whole rejection thing

He had put in so much effort only for you to answer with a no

He'll never not be mad about that

Sokol

After Sokol explained his feelings, he was literally fucking MORTIFIED when you said you didn't feel the same

Starts apologizing profusely, and once he's done with that, he does his best not to interact with you after that

The rest of the game is awkward, the drive home is awkward, and everything after that is pretty awkward

Even if you do actually manage to warm back up to him again, he's still embarassed about it

If any of the heisters know about it and try to bring it up in any way, it'll result in a very angry Sokol having to be dragged away from a bloodied and beaten heister

However, if you're the one to bring it up, he'll just be sitting there trying not to have a damn heart attack

Sokol might even be teary as well. He feels so awful for doing that, and he wishes he hadn't even invited you to that game

Clover

So when Clover wakes up and is going through that hangover, she pales and fucking panics when you mention what she did last night

She tries to apologize but you just dismiss it since you knew that she was drunk

But since you didn't say that you reciprocated those feelings, it still had her worried

After that initial period of worry, she ends up being depressed as all fuck

Like Wolf, she'll hang around Jimmy's bar and get drunk about it, more so than usual

She'll be sitting there sobbing while Bobblehead Bob has to sit there and be a therapist for the duration that she's there

Clover can't even be in charge of security anymore because of how drunk she gets

She doesn't change much even after the fact

Just gets drunk at any moment she possibly can

Jacket

Rather than staying on the rink with him for the duration of the couples' skating, you instead actually pull away from him and leave the rink

Sydney had a fuckin mortified look on her face while she stared at the scene for a moment before focusing on the pizza she was munching

Jacket kinda just stood there, disappointed as you left, now staring down at the tape recorder with the special tape he had in specifically to confess to you

He took that tape out and dropped it onto the ground before crushing it with one of his rollerskates

Jacket then left the rink to go and join you and Sydney in having some pizza while the couples skated around, leaving the crushed tape there

After the whole fiasco happened, he didn't seem to change

He wasn't as aggressive during heists, he wasn't reclusive to anyone, he just remained as normal as ever

Okay well

Maybe not

Y'know how he has special lines for certain heisters? I like to think he has special mixtapes that he uses whenever they come around

Yeah well

Your's was crushed and burned. He never responds to anything you say either

He acknowledges that you say it, but never responds. Not even with a gesture.

[spicycowboyhole]

posting because the psychicatrist decided to get sick when im having a crisis?:

idk where to start tbh LLOOL but i think im NOT DOING WELL. like on the outside evertytthings fine like nothings changed at all but i think im going insane. i think ive just realized how i have like 0 emotional suppoport system and whenever someone says something genuinely nice about me it makes me feel emotional because like i had family visiting this past week and my mom and my cousins tarted talking about college and my mom was saying how i wasted money going to college. i said that i didnt feel like i wasted my money becasue i have a degree now and i could always go back and get my bachelors but she said "BUT WHAT ARE U DOING EITH IT" and it just pissed me off because i feel like shes negating my accomplishment.

what made me cry last night was when i was messaging this guy and he was telling me about how he had class in the morning and we started talking about college. i told him how i was thinking about going back to school in january and he said i should.

for some reason i feel like getting my degree in psych would be cringe or a waste of time/money because my friend told me everyone she knows who did thinks so, like its some useless art degree. but when i asked this guy if it was cringe he said "so cringe... imagine having ambitions" im fucking stupid and didnt notice the sarcasm and i said "might as well start playing bucket drums on the street ig" because idk i guess i imagine getting a degree in psych would be just as dumb as someone trying to make it in the music business by playing on the street or something. he said "everyone thats going to college has ambitions. So in that case we all need to go play street bongos" and that perspective completely exploded my brain and i started crying LMAO because i guess going to college is a risk no matter what and u just have to believe in urself or some gay shit. it made me think of a taz cameo where he told someone that "nobody is gonna support your journey no matter how much they love you until youve proved to them that your journey was worth supporting" and that made me sad kinda because like i said i dont think i really have any kind of support from family rn and i kinda just have myself but i have like 0 confidence and negative self esteem and my family just being dissapointed in me and saying negative stuff really doesnt help. so i guess the moral of the story is that i have to trust and believe in myself because no one else will! really sucks i think. yeah but i only just started talking to that guy like YESTERDAY and im sure he prob felt like what he told me was nothing but it really did impact me and pulled the last tiny string that was emotionally holding me together. i apologized for being cynical and i told him i appreciated his words because i was kinda responding in a joking way that might have come off as rude i think? the silly bandaid just isnt working so good no more.

but fr i think while my anxiety is a lot better i think my depression is getting worse just due to my circumstances. like can u believe i almost went to the movies with some stranger internet guy just because i didnt want to be with my family?? i think somethings making me more impulsive than usual. i was going to buy cigarettes today and the only reason i didnt was because my appointment got canceled.

some other things tho i kinda didnt like having my cousins come visit because i just feel so inferior to them. like they look better and are just doing kinda all the stuff i should be doing yk? makes me feel shitty AND i feel like my mom just kinda infantilizes me like my parents treat me like nemo and i just cant do some things for some reason. its just so frustrating like my parents make me upset and i just want to move far away from them but also like they dont encourage me to do stuff on my own and when i try theyre like how are you even gonna do that you cant do that you have a bad fin like HELLO HELP ME FIX MY FIN THEN? I WOULDNT HAVE A BAD FIN IF YOU DIDNT HELP PREVENT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE LOL BUT IT JUST SUCKS THAT I HAVE TO DO ALL THIS BY MYSELF

i just dont want to be living here in like 5 years. thats a goal huh? if i had been asked where i wanted to be in 5 yrs when i was in high school id be like idk but i somehow managed to grow a goal somehow just out of misery i guess. and the steps are so cleaar in my head but then the voices tell me i cant do it because im scared BUT thats the point of life or something right??

jesus chhrososttt in reality nothing is really changing irl but im having some sort of crisis rn

ive even been trying to talk to boys LOL ive just been wanting some kind of escape from my life,, some independence, i want MY OWN LIFE that my mommy doesnt know everything about. i want to go to the movies with someone im not related to.

ok these paragraphes are all fucked up and i would fix it but i dont wanna go through and reread them

[metroloansuk-blog]

How to Stop Impulse Buying/ Overspending (For Good)

It is difficult to stop impulse buying or overspending.

Now you may wonder why it is so.

Well, if you are careful about your spending habits, then you will see that there are enough reasons to stop impulse buying.

See, mostly, this is a phenomenon that happens because of our mental instabilities. I am not saying that you are mentally sick because you overspend. I am not even saying that you have to suspend buying what you want.

I am just asking you to evaluate the situation as per your considerations.

Buying things just out of mental instability or mood swings or, in some cases, depression is what you call an impulse purchasing habit. It may also trigger a feeling of excessive happiness or excitement. However, we can categorise spending money as an impulse purchase when we later realise there were no points to making that purchase. That item really has no value in our lives and is now accommodated in a cardboard box in the basement.

We also have to learn the reasons impulse buying happens.

Why Are You Buying Things out of Impulse?

As mentioned earlier, you can make an impulse purchase due to several reasons. Some of them can be psychological, while others might be social.

Estimating the reasons for impulse buying from different viewpoints, we have found that an anomaly n life or certain factors related to being unwell are reported to have been the cause for making us fall prey to this habit.

Added to that, there might be social triggers.

Here are a few of the possible reasons for impulse buying as mentioned below:

·         Depression or the Lack of Excitement

It is highly possible that you make impulse purchases when you are not getting the excitement of life. You think you would draw that excitement from that new product. Feeling depressed also makes you go through the urge to buy things without a cause.

·         Social Causes

Maybe your neighbour is showcasing her new car accessory. The feeling of ‘they have, and I don't often make you buy things impulsively in order to come to an equal ground.

·         Habitual Reasons

Some people just buy things because it is a habit of theirs. But, if you pay attention closely, you will recognise that your purchase doesn’t carry value in your life. You do that out of habit, and you are unconscious of doing so.

·         For Dopamine

Dopamine is the ‘feel good hormone’. When it is released in your system, you just feel good. However, this pleasure is temporary. This is the reason you crave takeaway food. This is the reason you binge. This is the reason you shop impulsively.

We need to stop them. Maybe the following section will help you out.

How to Stop Impulse Buying

You need to look at your life first and decide where you want to spend money and where you don’t.

Let me give you an example.

You are looking for a loan from a direct lender with no guarantor and no fees. You need the money for an emergency home repair. You would definitely check out the loan’s interest rates. You look at your personal finances and make adjustments so that you don’t have problems repaying the loan.

Be true to yourself. Don’t you think you differentiate ‘what you need from ‘what you want while making this analysis?

You do.

You can use this strategy to figure out where you are spending more and where you might actually need to use your money.

Here are a few ways to do that:

·         Differentiate Real Goals from Desires

You can make your goals prominent. But they are usually overpowered by solid desires to buy something.

Instead, try saving money to buy something that really matters to you. It is because the thing you desire isn’t the thing you need. It is something you want for temporary pleasure.

·         Evaluate Your Income

Why don’t you check your salaries and find out how much you can save from them?

Well, your income makes a great point. Each time you have a look at it, you will be careful to prevent spending the money on a cause that doesn’t have any value.

·         Stick to a Budget

You get apps for budgeting these days.

Making a budget will help you come up with a determination not to overspend. When you make a budget and stick to that, you make a strong statement of control. That works.

·         Don’t Turn to Shopping When Emotional

Are you calling your friend and asking the person to come along shopping because you are feeling low?

Don’t do that.

Instead, have a nice conversation about your feelings. Trust me, it helps. You will get support groups if you cannot find a friend available.

·         Stop Comparing Yourself to What Others Have

Your cousin might have uploaded photos of her new leather jacket on Instagram.

And that’s fine.

Be happy with her decision. Although you feel like purchasing a leather jacket yourself and doing exactly what she is doing, know that you are thinking wrong.

·         Try a No-Spending Challenge

Okay, why don’t you be a little strict with yourself?

Make a no-spending habit for a month apart from spending money on essential items. You will feel a rewarding feeling at the end.

Plus, you can put all the money you saved in your piggy bank.

To Conclude

Always keep in mind that impulse buying habits are real. But they don’t make sense when you are looking at a valuable investment.

Instead, share your thoughts in forums or on social media when you feel impulse buying. Just like this post, you can make others aware of the problems of impulse purchases.

Maybe you will become the next leader in the anti-impulse purchase movement.

Pay attention to your money. Look at it more sensitively and identify your real-life goals. It will help you control this habit even more.

And with that, let’s end this post.

[ineedanoutlettorant]

My friend: Hey, let's hang out on Monday!

Me: Okay, sure!

*later*

My friend: So let's volunteer at 10 in the morning for 6 hours

Me: ... 😔😞😤

Like, I thought we were going to hang out?? I know you like volunteering but I never offer to do a lot of the things I really like because I know you aren't interested. I despise waking up early, because due to my insomnia I have trouble getting to sleep, so when I do sleep I end up sleeping later than most. I already work a lot helping others at my job and wanted to hang out and chill, to do something for ME. I'm not saying we should just do whatever I want to do, because I want it to be an activity both of us enjoy.

Like last time we had a movie night like you wanted (and I enjoyed!) and then we talked about a topic YOU wanted to talk about for an hour. The time before that we spent HOURS at the scrap store. I enjoyed the first few minutes and found some items, but by the time you were done I had gone through the whole store about 7 times over. I don't like being in stores for too long once I find what I'm looking for because I impulse buy, but I felt it would be rude to go back to the car. If you needed my opinion on something I would understand, but you just wandered around on your own and left me to my own devices, so why did you even invite me?

Every time you bring up volunteering I'm hesitant or say I have something going on, because I don't want to sound like a bitch for refusing to help others, especially since you're the kind of person that enjoys doing this type of thing, but I'm just not interested! I can tell that I'll be uncomfortable and miserable the whole time, on a day when I'm supposed to be relaxing. I'm such a conflict-averse person I would rather run than address the issue, so here we are. Me hoping you'll finally pick up on my social cues and you continuing to be oblivious and control the situation to your liking. If I say I don't want to outright, I'll feel horrible and like I'm a bad friend. If I say okay, I'll feel miserable and uncomfortable.

Sometimes it feels like I'm just an accessory. I used to be more extroverted in the past, and it makes me sick to know I might have acted this way to others without realizing their discomfort.

I don't want to open the message because then you'll know I've seen it. I don't want to reply because I don't know what to say. Yet every time I pull down the window on my phone screen I see the message again and my discomfort only increases.

This daily dose of anxiety is really just the cherry on my depression sundae. Huzzah.

071022

[imjeralee]

Could I get some headcanons for Zhongli/Albedo/Childe with an s/o with ADHD that has trouble remembering things, has a tendency to ramble, fidget, zone out, interrupt others etc. Also thank you so much for making these >_<

Hi anon, thank you for the ask and you’re very welcome :) I hope you enjoy this, please see below:

Childe

You and Childe will get on like a house on fire because he has so many siblings and he dotes on them like crazy and he is used to the chaos they can create so you’re like another addition except he loves you and not in the family-way of course

Even if you’re messy, he doesn’t mind. His home in Snezhnaya was always a mess thanks to his large family

If you have trouble remembering things, never fear, Childe is near 

A typical day could start off like this - you’re about to head out and go to the door, but then you remember you didn’t grab some mora so you go back to grab the mora which you left on the table. Then you go back to the door but remember you forgot the key so you go back to grab it and Childe is there with the key

He has a startling amount of patience even if you’re always late to gatherings or meetings and even if you interrupt him (or others) when speaking, he’ll turn it around with his smooth words and talking and everyone forgets what had just happened and everything’s not so awkward or weird at the end <- ps I know someone who can do this very well.

Doesn’t really have or stick to a schedule himself. Schedule? What schedule? 

He’ll have like an arsenal of cool stuff for you because he’s so good at the sourcing and procurement of random things from something as simple as berries to loach pearls so one day he’ll present you with a fidget ring. Nice

You’re one of his top priorities and he will bend over backwards for you no matter what, even if it’s at his own expense 

The best thing about Childe is that he can keep up with your energy and charming personality. Even if he’s feeling down himself or dealing with some own personal stuff, he will always greet you with a cheerful smile and hug. Hell, this guy will kill for you.

If you keep losing stuff, he will always be able to find it for you or provide substitutes if you wanted 

Childe is full of money, he might as well be a walking and talking breathing atm so he won’t even mind if you impulsive buy

Zhongli

Zhongli will gladly spend oodles of time with you and he’s a good listener. Even if you’re just sitting down apparently doing nothing you both zone out together and people in Liyue will become accustomed in seeing you two often sitting at a table or bench

At other times, your energy often does outmatch his though, so although he may not look like it, he will enjoy just sitting with you and listening to you talk and he himself will ask plenty of questions. He’s very intrigued by your thoughts/interests 

Sometimes when he talks though, you space out and cannot focus. You really are trying your best and you don’t mean to, but his face and outfit is distracting and although he doesn’t outwardly look it, you’re making him a little flustered because you are gazing at him so intently

He has no mora and neither do you and you both have a bad tendency to get into huuuuuuuge amount of debt, and Childe often needs to bail you both out

One day when you are working together at the parlour and you’ll look at his ponytail and he’ll allow you to braid and play with his hair whilst he does his work but then you remember that you were meant to do something so you leave his hair half-braided and return to finish your task but then you’ll also suddenly remember that you were meant to go out and buy some glaze lilies or something for Hu Tao so you rush off to go out and buy them then come back and finish your work at the parlour but then you discover you can’t quite get into it so Zhongli will help out

After that you will be able to focus on your own and get the task done but by then the funeral parlour has closed down, everyone’s gone home and it’s actually 2am but Zhongli has stayed behind with you

You both go home together where you promise you’ll do better

Please note he likes neat and tidiness and order. so he will pick up after you a lot and you probably have a separate room in the house 

Albedo

Before you met Albedo, you blamed yourself a lot and felt like a failure and that you needed to change because you wanted to be successful in life but he proves you otherwise

You aspire to be like Albedo due to his nature and gentle disposition and his power to create a large and pretty glowy tree branch from a small twig and you often want to get a thousand things done when around him but can only get so much done, so although people say Albedo dislikes social interaction, he will always make an effort with you and lends you a hand with time management and organisation

He will leave you lots of notes to help you get through your day better because his disciples often forget ingredients or crucial steps in crafting so he will have lots of note reminders for you all over camp too

He’ll be very attuned to your needs, for example if you’re feeling depressed etc he will be able to pick up on the little things and he’ll find ways to cheer you up, usually it’s as simple as creating the glowy tree branch 

He helps you accomplish things, like getting to meet and know the Knights of Favonius better, and completing your own and very first alchemy crafting piece

One time there was an alchemy competition and you wanted to participate but something happened with Albedo and you ended up helping him out so much you lost sight of your own submission and lost out 

Albedo recognises how much effort you put into life and that you work the hardest out of the others. 

[writinghood]

Heartbreaker

Hey! I borrowed a prompt from @sleepyprompts​​​ and decided to write this terrible fic.

Mulaney x Reader 

Genre: Fluff AF

Summary: You’ve been friends since college, always afraid to own up to the feelings you’ve had for him. After spending two years with who you thought was the man of your dreams, a bad break up leads you to a private vacation with your supportive best friend. 

Rating: totally safe for work and shit

    I’m done, you’ve convinced yourself. I can’t do this anymore. 

    A broken heart really is the absolute worst thing. Having both legs severed? No big deal. Cancer? Common. A hang nail? Okay, that’s pretty annoying. But your fiance leaving you after you tried so fucking hard to please him, that’s bottom of the barrel shit.

    “You’ll never find anyone else like me,” was his last goodbye. “Good luck, darling.”

     And you were manipulated just enough to believe him. John saw the signs of abuse. Wise enough to recognize a red flag, yet disconnected enough not to call it to your attention, he believes, honestly has thoughts that you would never be interested in a guy like him.

     “I have an idea,” he says with a playful smirk. “Let’s go to the Poconos this weekend. It’ll give you time to get your thoughts together and I’ll have time to focus on not being a complete idiot.” That last audition was murder. He’s still half dead inside and seeking validation from anyone willing to give it. “We can go skiing, or attempt something less life threatening.”

    Your mind drifts back to your college days when he was someone else; someone slightly dangerous and undesirable. John was always cute, tall and lanky with a sweet smile, yet obviously troubled. 

    “Why not?” you muse, a shoulder slightly rising. It isn’t as if you don’t believe your life is over. Maybe you’ll be lucky enough to crash into sumac and die right away. “You’ll drive?”

    He looks at you like you’ve grown a second head. He’s a nightmare of a driver, but if you have confidence in him, he can manage that much...hopefully.

    “Of course, I will.” The bridge of his nose curls, eyes focused on yours. “Pack your bags and I’ll rent a car.” 

     Suddenly, you wonder what in the hell is happening. Good thing you’re delusional enough to buy what John is selling. He vanishes beyond the door to your bedroom and you’re picking which outfits would best suit the late eighties film this shit storm is turning out to be. 

    Heartbroken but comforted by spending time with your old friend, reliable John, you relax next to him in the shitty honda rental. Mind filled with all the reasons you weren’t good enough for the perfect fiance, the Boys II Men song on channel 101.5 isn’t boosting your confidence. He can tell, glancing in your direction once or twice while navigating.

     “Almost there,” he begins, voice soft. “We’re going to have a good time.” 

     You flash a half smile, knowing he’s probably right.

     “You look beautiful by the way.” The tips of his fingers punch the radio dial, bringing forward a song much, much worse until he settles on a Latino station, which is neither depressing nor uplifting. “Te ves hermosa,” he adds, looking extremely awkward. Both hands, all fingers tightening on the wheel, he drives on.

      The first thing you notice about the cabin is that it’s fucking freezing. Palms gliding up and down your arms, Mulaney reassures you. “We have plenty of firewood. I ordered ahead of time.” He waves an arm toward the corner where a pile of five hundred year old bark rests. Did a caveman own this bitch? you wonder. Is there a saber toothed tiger under those logs?

    Resting before the fireplace, your eyes fix on the flames, a tear or two welling in the corners. You’re thinking about him, the ex, when you are certain that you shouldn’t be.

     “Hey,” that familiar voice pipes up.

    Glancing in his direction, you manage to work up a pleasant smile.

    “He was just another guy,” John says softly. “We’ve been through this before.”

    Your eyes narrow. We? As if he’s had to endure some sort of pain due to your past choices. “What do you mean?” you ask, concerned with his tone.

    “Oh, come on.” Tone playful, he lays a hand on your shoulder, shifting closer. “Ever since freshman year, you’ve been dating these kinds of guys.” Oh god. Is he playing the nice guy card? “Guys who treat you like less than you are.” His expression turns serious. “When you know you’re better than that.”. 

     Watching his face spin from concern to shame, you see he realizes he may be offending you. Turning away, hands falling into his lap, John stares into the flames. Mouth tight, jaw twitching, he asks, “Are you hungry?” He brought a tightly wrapped tuna fish sandwich if you are. “It’s in the mini-fridge.” It’s too much.

    Standing, he looks down at you. Head tilting, your eyes connect with his, heart hammering the way it shouldn’t be. Impulsively, you grab his trembling hand, eyes rounding. 

     “I didn’t mean...” Swallowing roughly, you stand, gaze staying firm. “...to make you feel judged, John.” You realize there may be a thousand different ways you’d like to phrase this. Settling on the truth, your shoulders relax. “Oh god, John, I’ve been in love with you ever since I was nineteen years old.” He tries to read your terrified expression as you confess. “But I know you’d never...” Want me, remains in your thoughts. And in his eyes, you suddenly know he feels the same.

     There you both are. This is real. This is happening. His long fingers locking with yours, reliable John’s mouth is slowly moving toward yours until the connection forces your eyes shut. Loose grasp tightening, palms coming flat together, you’ve found heaven in one innocent kiss. 

[mercurytrinemoon]

Random thoughts on Moon signs and why Aries Moon is annoying to have

I saw this tweet a while ago that had a list of planetary placements to die for. The first one was Aries Sun/Moon. As an Aries Moon myself, my response was "Nah-ahhh you DON'T want that. This is dangerous territory, trust me". And then I started thinking about Moon signs, why does Aries Moon suck, which Moon placements are nice and which not so much.

You know why Moon in Aries is bad? Sometimes you see these kids at grocery shops that start crying and yelling and tumbling on the floor because their parent doesn't want to buy them candy (actually, big chances are, they are Aries Moons, but that's not what I'm trying to convey here). As kids they are going to externalise their angry feelings, I mean, everyone's okay with that, they're kids, it's just candy. Worst case scenario, you're just going to roll your eyes at them. But think of an adult who has this screaming, hurt and angry kid inside. It's still there. It won't magically change signs once you're old enough. And yeah, it's going to yell sometimes. And be a cry-baby. And passionately experience every feeling with their whole self, good AND bad. Sometimes it's going to want to scream into a pillow because it's so impatient and frustrated and it just wants everything NOW. Someone on lindaland once said, “you don't have Moon with Moon in Aries, you just have two Marses”. Touché.

Okay but if you want to know something about Aries Moon, know that it feels the urge to be independent. Hates restrictions with their whole heart. Impulsive. Veryyyy impatient, as we have already established. Hates being told what to do. Having constant battle with their emotions. Open and naive (remember it's the child of the zodiac). Very cheery and child-like on one hand but on the other, emotions are expressed and felt in a very raw way, let's say, with a burning passion. Will chase everything. And you can only imagine how an Aries Moon feels when it catches the thing it wants. Likes being the first one in everything. Physical activity is good for their mental health. Kind of obsessed with sex.

Taurus Moon. It's Venusian. It's exalted. It's nice and cosy. It probably has a nice, soothing voice. Think of Elton John, he has Taurus Moon. Beautiful voice but also an eye for beauty and luxury. Can be stubborn in its emotions but hey, at least it's stable, right? It's sensual, just like everything Taurus, and probably loves food way too much. It's in touch with its own body and the only downfall to that is when a Taurus Moon person experiences negative emotions, it affects their whole body. Like, negative emotions can make them physically ill.

Gemini Moon. Ohh Geminis... You know that Mean Girls quote about Regina George "That's why her hair is so big. It's full of secrets". I think of that when I think of Gemini Moons. Like, they just know things. They collect secrets like some friggin Finnick Odair. And they analyze them, probably to the point of brain overheat. So, if you don't want a fried mind, I don't advise having a Gemini Moon. Not that you have a choice, but. They also like to talk. A lot. Love to gossip, just sayin. And seem very friendly when you talk to them. I say "seem" for a reason *whispers* don't trust them.

Cancer Moon. Mushy feelings. The homebodies. The family types. The comfy ones, but not in the way Taureans are. Gentle and creative. Likes to take care of others. Kinda reminds me of sitting with a hot cup of tea and typing poetry into your laptop on a rainy day. Idk. All water Moons are overly emotional but Cancer Moon can be moody and changeable and very sensitive to, you guessed it, Moon phases. CLINGY. You guys are clingy, just admit it.

Leo Moon. There's something about them... It's like the star quality of a Leo but it beams from within, you know? It's like something inside was pushing them towards greatness. They just have to believe in themselves and they will shine. Loves creative pursuits, arts, theatre, music, just anyhing fun. Expressive. Charming. Inspiring. Hopeless romantic. Can be flashy too, it's Leo after all. Wanna make them feel good? Compliment them, they LOVE it and need it.

Virgo Moon. Okay... for some reason I know a lot of Virgo Moons and let me tell you... there's something gentle about them. They're quiet and polite and - this is not a commonly talked about Virgo trait, but - they're softies, you know? But they need work, probably to distract themselves from all the thoughts. It's a lot more focused mercurial energy that Geminis, grounded and analytical. But that also makes them prone to overthinking and anxieties. Can be hard on themselves... so they work even more. And unlike Gemini Moons, they're SHYYYYY.

Libra Moon. Everyone loves them. Ugh the irresistible charm. They're the people's people. Again, it's that Venus. The difference is, Taurus loves to be loved and spoiled. Libra will love and spoil others, they just want to be nice and stuff. And they have an eye for beauty and arts. Chances are a Libra Moon person is beauty and art themselves. Has an internal need for relationships. But it's air so has a tendency to intellectualize these relationships... and everything else tbh. Great communication. Social.

Scorpio Moon. They straight up give me the creeps. My sister is a 0° Scorpio Moon so I KNOW. Don't get me wrong, I love Scorpio Suns... but Moons... It's like the water of the water, the over-emotional ones. Kiiiiiind of simmilar to Aries in the sense, that they feel emotions A LOT but it's not straight-forward like with Aries. Instead, it's pushy and passive-aggressive and manipulative, not very trustful and secretive. OH MY GOD, so secretive. It's just intense.

Sagittarius Moon. Ahhhhhh my favourite. And I don't think I say it because I'm Sag dominant... Sag Moons are just FUN. They exude FUN. Their playfulness and cheerfulness comes from their heart, that's why it's so special. Thinks and feels big. Big hopes and visions, maybe too big sometimes. Aries and Leo are focused more on the self, Sag on the other hand, is focused on the world - the actual world or a fictional one. Loves movies and is probably a bookworm. Philosophical. Optimistic and lighthearted. Kind of a dork - whether an adorable or annoying one lol.

Capricorn Moon. I'm sorry but ya'll are just depressing. I have Moon square Saturn so I kind of get the vibe. I feel like having a Cap Moon is like having something squashing you from the inside; very withdrawn. It's cool if you get to work, and Cap Moons can be workaholics and hard workers... But if you give into that hermitism (yea I just made that word up) and get lazy due to... things... or being too overwhelmed by that Saturn energy, you get squashed, basically. Also, fears and lots of reservations. I feel like these guys have issues with that. 

Aquarius Moon. My Aqua friends... let me tell you. They're not necessary weirdos, as people say. But they are humanitarians at their core. Like, THEY JUST CARE. So that makes them sensitive. But not in a watery way. Can be veryyyy aloof and hard to get to. Will probably intellectualize their emotions and try to detach from them. All about people but not like a Libra. Difference is, Aqua wants to be independent. Expressive and intelligent. 

Pisces Moon. My favourite water Moon. It's dreamy and soft. Yeah, a bit flakey, but let’s NOT talk about it. I feel like Pisces Moons just get emotions. They understand them because they're all about the collective. That makes them empathetic. Intuitive. Romantic. The artistic types. DAYDREAMERS TO THE MAX, they’re in another dimension. It’s like sometimes you talk to them but they’re somewhere else. Prolly loves being near the water, it's like the sea is calling them. May have escapist tendencies.

[mxttellion]

kicks you in the shins we need hcs for all the boys

or else you're getting shipped with matt realsworld /j

WOW OKAY ANON OKAY I'M SORRY I don't have much written down for the others but it's more about a general idea let's say djshs anyway. read under this for the hcs if there's something i dont mention it's because it's like canon, and it feels redundant.

- Edd

-oldest of the bunch, being 27

-bi? gay? I don't know, he doesn't care. He's trans, and made sure to get the biggest dick in su- also, he's the tallest of the group, 190 cm tall. He is a literal bear in more ways than one. He's also autistic because fuck you

-Of course he's the leader and of course he draws do I have to repost the theme song??? He's the artist, and as an artist he has artist issues (tm) (aka art blocks and stuff. He usually tries to do other stuff like playing with Ringo or going for a walk when that happens.) He has a freelance job.

-He is A MESS- His room is a mess and so is his work place. Probably owns 10 distinct sketchbooks and all of them have broken pages and stuff all over the place.

-Treasures his screen tablet. It's something he managed to buy with his commissions money

-Regrets opening commissions. The first one he has ever gotten was from Tord and it was about drawing his big tiddy anime oc. And probably got a bunch of fetish ones as well

PURE BASTARD BREED (TM) "oh no, Tom is fighting someone......... Anyway"...Yes he's the leader, yes he doesn't care about his friends wellbeing anymore at this point. Okay he cares, but at some point, he goes "then die lol"

-After the literal first attempt at stopping his friends he joins them. Well if he only wasn't the one starting the dumb stuff 80% of the time. He's the one who suggests his friends to do stuff. Guys, he isn't the rational one: he fully supports bullshit and is so extra at times (throws a sofa at people) That being said, He's incredibly strong even due to the radiations. He can use his twink friends and baseball bats(edited) and gives the best hugs!!

He is GENERALLY a nice guy, he's the shoulder of support for his friends, but like, that's human decency. He's definitely an hothead at times. Really really impulsive. It's not that he's angry or anything, he doesn't get upset easily, it takes a LOT to get him pissed. He's just a bastard. Basically, impulsive and sometimes angy

-Likes to friendly tease his friends, but this is pretty much everyone in the group. The thing gets very awkward when they step a bit too far. Kind of a trickster, but like his teasing, he means well. Most of the times. He especially love teasing Matt as he's the one who's gonna start complaining a lot about it

-Has borrowed and does borrow some of his friends stuff without asking. See Tom's bass Susan and how he broke it lol

-Honestly out of the four he's the more optimistic. Also over enthusiastic, and ready to just do fun stuff despite being extremely lazy. His energy management is so weird

-He's the one physically stopping his friends most of the time. Especially Matt.

- Tom

- 25, youngest and the shortest of the group, being 175 cm tall.

- agender and bi. Doesn't really care about pronouns

-yknow what? Fuck you divergents your neuro, tom

-Is he an alien? A cryptid? Who knows, he most definitely isn't human at all lmao -He purrs. Uhhh yeah. He also has purple blood. His monster form has both fur and scales he's so weird

-Eyes? Well they're,,,, uh,,,,,,,,, honestly I like the idea of them just being black aight

-He isn't depressed, he's just as chaotic and over enthusiastic as the others. He's just a bit of an edgelord, that's it. He's a punk ass bitch (literally) -Oh he also has no nose. And well, his ears are detachable. He can still smell and hear like anybody else -He bites with those chompers

-Awful anger management issues. Don't get him angry, he'll stay bitter for the entire day. Extremely XD LOL Random: Most definitely had a scene phase and probably still has, doesn't want to admit it. He listens to a Lot of ska punk. and punk itself. He doesn't really fit one subculture just takes some from everything

-Enjoys alcohol (particularly smirnoff / vodka) but doesn't ALWAYS drink it. He had an hard time controlling his alcohol moments when he was younger. Despite loving alcohol, he has little to no resistance. He gets drunk VERY easily

-He somehow holds less grudges than anyone in the house. Probably because he literally fights people to the point he doesn't have to hold grudges

-His hair barely goes down and people genuinely wonder if he was just born like that (yes). Hair so spiky he literally attaches to walls- His eyes are either empty hollows or just black. Sometimes they are, sometimes they aren't. just cryptid things. He ACTUALLY is the voice of reason. Kinda. Kinda. -Edd probably found him in his backyard one day and decided to keep him as his frien :) Tord

-third youngest but same age as Matt, 26. He's 180 cm tall, if not a little bit shorter, but taller than Tom anyway. Enough to punt him out of pure fun

-cishet /j

-Yknow the gist by now, none of them are neurotypical

-is kinda awkward,,,, he just stares at the void with a O_O face. He isn't very silent, he likes to talk, sometimes he talks way too much than he's supposed to. He has no filters and that's NOT a good thing. He probably spilled a few secrets he has with his friends unwillingly, and then paid the price. But at the same time he can be a smug ass bitch. a gremlin. a bastard. Even though he SEEMS like the chillest one of t- He probably hisses at people.

-The Redditor of the house. Bringer of bad takes. However he thinks he's actually right somehow. (he's not)

-Special interest? Mechanics and Technology, of course! He Won't shut up about robots and cyborgs. He loves them way too much. He has built some and he's trying to build some aswell. For now he has only managed to successfully build one, who he treasures almost like a pet. Ringo definitely tried to eat it once. And the garage is a goddamn mess because of him

-He probably owns a few gundams lying there and there, all built by himself and probably some he made himself. Still as much of an anime fan ofc

-Emo. Do I need to add anything else? His wardrobe is mostly red/black clothes. Don't ask him to change colors he WON'T.

-Despite being "stuck in 2007" he is aware of all the latest trends and memes. Watch him yelling amogus.

-He only shows his robot figurines but secretly has a lot of vocaloid and general anime ones. Catch him singing World is Mine at 3 am in the morning

-Gets along with Matt pretty well as they almost have the same music tastes. They're also prank buddies! ...especially on Tom -He's somehow the one who's extremely aware of his surroundings and "imbalanaces" for a lack of a better word. He feels when something around him is wrong or when there's a lot of tension in the house. Even though he doesn't really know how to act. Let's say that Tord CAN read you like a book when it comes to feelings. You can't hide it from him -He has considered leaving the house, but never did. He's way too attached. Even thought there are friends who are willing to give him an home (Pau and Pat lol) And that's all I have (FOR NOW) for the others shsdgsdjks

[insomniac-jay]

Rewriting The THH Boys

Makoto Naegi

Let him have an inferiority complex due to him not fitting in with the rest of the Ultimates and being an average kid

Makoto! Naegi! Swears!

He still a soft boy tho

It’s canon he gets sick easily??? So he sometimes wears a medical mask bc he gets sick a lot and doesn’t wanna spread germs to his friends

Dyslexic bc he subconsciously misspells words and someone has to correct him or he has to look at the word to see how it’s spelled

Byakuya Togami

I know he’s supposed to be an asshole but fuck the antagonist being an asshole

Byakuya’s actually very nice??? He just has communication and emotional issues bc his parents fucked him up really bad???

Why isn’t it more known that his parents are canonically bad people and that he was a victim of abuse???

He’s a bit of a transmed but thanks to Makoto he stops being a truscum

An introvert bc once again his parents fucked up his mental health

He also has trust issues bc so many people have betrayed him in the past

Secretly likes feminine things but doesn’t talk about it bc he got shamed for his interest

Leon Kuwata

It’s canon this man has anxiety??? Why isn’t this more known???

Leon is into makeup and wears it. I don’t make the rules

He has gifted kid burnout from baseball and got depression from all the buying and selling of himself from team to team so that’s why he wants to do music bc I hate the canon reason

Can we make him and Kanon close without making it creepy?? Thanks

ADHD man

Accidentally throws things on impulse due to years of baseball but is trying to grow out of it

Mondo Oowada

He’s aggressive but not so aggressive to the point where it feels like it’s a caricature of a black person

I wanna keep their whole toxic masculinity thing but they get help from Chihiro

Mondo is just a gruff person

No more being quick to anger. He’s pretty slow to anger but the minute you get on Mondo’s bad side you’re gonna be missing a few teeth

Regularly swears

Another canon character that suffers with anxiety

Kiyotaka Ishimaru

His character is so good so I’ll just be adding on a few things

He has trust issues due to some past events

Taka has a hard time picking up on social cues due to his Autism

One hell of a bookworm (Toko has competition)

Legally cannot swear

Cherishes anything he’s given whether it be gifts or money bc of his family’s situation

No volume control

Hifumi Yamada

I simply think Hifumi deserved better than the canon gave him

Pheir a nerd. Simply put

They’re actually really nice they’re just weird and have communication issues due to isolation as a young child

Hifumi is definitely a kid raised by TV

He’s really passionate about anime and manga

Hifumi! Hates! Gatekeepers! And! Antifeminists! And TERFS! And SWERFS! And Radfems!

They subconsciously say or do something immature or childlike

Sleepy a lot of the time due to lack of a sleep schedule

Yasuhiro Hagakure

First of all, Hagakure is not as dumb as they are in canon but like himbo dumb

Hiro is the big brother of the class

They have a learning disability which is why they were held back multiple times

Instead of smoking weed, Hiro chews on candy bc they have asthma

Pretty easygoing though

[thevirgodoll]

Is it possible to be neuro-typical and still have mental health obstacles/issues? Like honestly…I am AWFUL at self-discipline. I lack focus and sometimes I have to force myself to finish things (even if last minute). But, I genuinely, truly, deeply at the bottom of my heart, DON’T believe I struggle with any mental disorders. Whenever I do research for things like adhd and what not, and I interact with fellow classmates with adhd, I don’t find myself relating to those issues on a deep profound level other than lack of focus/discipline and occasional anxiety.

It is definitely possible, but I think you're comparing yourself too much to Internet articles and your peers. I will give you facts just for your own convenience and you can decide on your own. It doesn't hurt to think about it.

Everyone with ADHD represents differently, considering there's ADHD Inattentive Type, ADHD Hyperactive-Impulsive Type, and ADHD Combined (that's all of it together, which is me!). This creates a stark difference in all of us with the disorder. Primarily Inattentive especially presents drastically different due to the low population of those who have it. It creates imposter syndrome, when it's not any less debilitating. There are even uncommon symptoms that go under the radar, that we didn't even know was ADHD.

Another thing to consider is if you are POC, AFAB, or identify as a woman, it's severely under diagnosed in these populations due to the stigma. And to speak to my demographic, Black women, we do not notice there's something off until we find difficulty in late adulthood due to the ableism and bias in healthcare. Most BW will believe ADHD is something different than what it actually is, and avoid getting knowledge from the right sources (because most are for children, or little boys...). We downplay a lot of our symptoms with mental illness.

The thing is, ADHD is specifically unique because it's a disorder that is neurologically based and developmentally based.

Let me explain executive function!

Executive function helps us manage time efficiently, switch between tasks without conscious effort, problem solve, avoid impulsivity, retrieve information, and regulate emotions. ADHD impacts the development of executive function through neurological structures of our brain, so that becomes executive dysfunction - peep this comic from ADHD-Alien to see it in a situation played out. And another!

I like to use the analogy of neurotypical's dopamine neurotransmitters (thousands of them) completing their job at work while ours don't even show up, even though they really want to. Here's an example of how severe the symptoms are in a comic from ADHD-Alien.

Therefore, it's a deficiency in dopamine and norepinephrine. This is why medication becomes important for a lot of people with ADHD to bring it back up. Beforehand, self medication is usually an issue, through other stimulants like coffee. The low chemicals in our brain will cause those of us afflicted with ADHD to seek stimuli to compensate for that, usually involuntarily.

Tasks with high stimulus are more attractive to our brains. What has some sort of incentive is at the forefront of your brain, and that's why you're not able to do things that you should do. Your brain legit screams, "Do something else, or I'm turning off!!!" This is also why those of us with it have endless amounts of hobbies because we go through various phases of what is the most interesting.

Before diagnosis, most people will be told they're lazy, just need to try focusing/try harder, or that everyone has this same problem. That is all due to professionals not advocating for ADHD properly, having a view that ADHD is just a little boy kicking, being hyper, screaming, and a belief that ADHD is tied to poor academic performance/low intelligence. This all prevents people from seeking treatment and creates internalized ableism. This also leads to feeling like the ADHD diagnosis is invalid due to childhood symptoms being suppressed until adulthood.

I must also mention... it's well known people with ADHD WILL have AT LEAST one co-morbidity... which means it can attribute to the development of these disorders if the symptoms go unnoticed. Depression, OCD, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, PTSD, Substance Use Disorder, and more. Autism and ADHD counts as well, and often people have an overlap because they are basically brother and sister in casual speech.

A lot of us were already diagnosed with a co-morbidity, anyway. So our brain already had to seek chemicals and that can make it even harder for diagnosis to occur and make it easier for misdiagnosis or increase risks. ADHD also creates the likelihood of suicide, doesn't matter the age bracket.

There is a lifetime prevalence for other disorders for those of us with ADHD either way, because of how difficult it is. So, even if you feel you may be "milder" in presentation, that's not invalid, and don't be put astray by TikToks or Twitter posts. Know your facts and be careful, because social media will say everything is an ADHD symptom, when it's not, especially TikTok. They will also use the wrong words or invalidate less common symptoms. Don't buy into that.

TL;DR: Though you may have mild anxiety to begin with or depression, my concern is that executive function requires the ability to self regulate. Through this you have the ability to essentially force your reward system, so that way you can prime your brain for a greater reward in the future. Anyone with executive dysfunction has a deeper problem than they realize, and I would've been doing my brand of mental health and improvement a disservice if I didn't at least try to define the reasons why you should also consider that you may display lesser known symptoms. Even if you are neurotypical in your world view, mental illness has been defined so concretely by certain people that it becomes confusion. I can tell you're having difficulty. It seems you're having trouble either way with something, so you should seek services if you are able, as well as think more about what's been going on lately.

[vienna-fae]

Star Wars OC Basic Profile

Name: Menthu Darzi

Age: Depends on the rp. I usually write him when he’s in his twenties. In the fanfiction he’s in it takes place in an alternate universe during the Clone Wars. 

Sexual Orientation/Romantic Orientation: homosexual/homoromantic 

Homeplanet: Waset (an original planet I based off Ancient Egypt. Will make a post on this. I wanted to be an Egyptologist when I was in high school, so I did many deep dives on this subject. I still watch a lot of documentaries and read articles). 

Species: Human 

Skin Tone: Copper 

Height: 5’9

Weight: 160 ibs. 

Face Shape: Oval 

Eye Color: Dark Brown 

Hair Color: Black 

Hair Type: Straight with a slight wave

Hair Length: Short

Body Type: Mesomorph 

Personality Type: ESFP-A

Overall Personality: He is loyal to a fault. If he cares about someone then he is a ride or die. He’ll do anything for the ones he loves (even if it means putting himself in danger). This means that he’s very brave, but he’s reckless and can be impulsive. 

Menthu is very hardworking. 

He’s kind of a hopeless romantic. He doesn’t show that side of himself to anyone unless they’re his s/o or a close friend. 

Due to the mental and psychological abuse his stepfather subjected him to because of his (Menthu’s) homosexuality, Menthu is insecure about his masculinity. He feels guilty when he feels an emotion that isn’t traditionally acceptable. He felt guilty about crying at his mom’s funeral. 

Talents: Singing

Skills: Can use a blaster, Basic self-defense, Can do clothes mending (fix a button, fix rips and tears in clothes), Mixology

Goals: to gain custody of his half-sister, have a happy and fulfilling life.

Family: Mutny Darzi (mother, deceased), Nephythys Darzi (younger half-sister, alive), Thutmose Perneb (father, deceased), Ausar Rezk (step-father, MIA) 

Occupation: Bartender and singer

Love Interest(s): I ship him with Sifo-Dyas and would prefer to have any romantic rps done with Sifo. If you want to ship him with another canon character or OC in an rp that is okay, just make sure the character is male. I won’t do any romantic rps with anyone under 18.

Childhood and Youth: 

Age 0-8: Menthu was born to teenage parents (both were seventeen). His mother, Mutny, was beginning her career as a jewelry maker. His father, Thutmose, was an up and coming architect.  When Menthu was eight, he realized he was gay. He told his parents, and they accepted him.

Age 11: Thutmose is accidentally killed when he tried to break up a fight in a bar. Mutny then begins to teach him how to do laundry along with basic cooking and mending skills. She taught him these things because she would have to work longer hours (she wouldn’t be around as much to do laundry or cook so he had to learn those skills) and taught him basic mending skills because since Mutny was the only one working in the household, sometimes there wasn’t enough money to afford to buy new clothes.

Age 16: Menthu’s mother gets remarried to a man named Ausar (for financial reasons and social pressure for her to get remarried). He is emotionally abusive towards Menthu because of the later’s homosexuality. Mutny tried to stop the abuse (rebuking Ausar when ever he’d say homophobic things towards her son, witholding affection, etc.) despite this, Menthu ended up moving out. Mutny did find her son a place to live, and gave him a job working at her jewelry shop. 

Age 18: Menthu’s younger half-sister Nephthys is born. Mutny develops severe postpartum depression to the point that she couldn’t really get out of bed. Ausar refuses to care for Nephthys because he viewed it as unmanly. Menthu stepped up to the plate and took care of his half-sister. When Mutny got better, Menthu moved back to the family friend’s house. 

Age 21: Mutny dies in her sleep from bacterial meningitis. Menthu is the one that discovers that she died. He, Ausar, and Nephthys have to go and get tested to see if any of them had contracted it. 

While at the testing site, it was revealed that the outbreak of bacterial meningitis was a bio terrorist attack on Waset that had been carried out by The Commerce Guild (Shu Mai was furious with the pharaoh of Waset because he would not allow the guild to come in and exploit the planet’s resources). It was also discovered that Nephthys was very force sensitive (baby girl has 13,500 midichlorians per cell). Since Ausar didn’t want to take care of Nephthys anymore, he signed away his parental rights to her and she was taken to the temple. This infuriated Menthu because he’d basically raised her, and he told the town that Ausar had given Nephthys away to the Jedi. Since it’s very taboo on Waset for parents/caregivers to give away the Jedi (force sensitives on the planet are expected to go into the priesthood to serve pharaoh. If it’s discovered that a parent/caregiver gave away their child to The Jedi Order, they could be killed by a mob) Ausar fled the area. 

After Ausar ran away, Menthu buried his mother and made arrangements to leave Waset and go to Coruscant to get Nephthys back. He ends up going with a smuggler who ends up taking advantage of him. 

When he gets to Coruscant, he’s able to find work at a bar/club where he bartends on some nights and sings on the weekends. 

[eclecticvalor]

7 Things I experience as a DID System. Mental Health Awareness Month.

In light of May being America’s mental health awareness month, I wanted to talk about something that has consumed my entire life for the past year and a half: Treatment and healing from a disorder that is stigmatised into the ground by poor representation and misunderstandings both socially and in the medical field. Those who are close to me know first hand how my symptoms and experiences have shaped the way I interact with the world since starting treatment, but aside from my closest friends and family, and the people I live with, I don’t normally talk about the fact that I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, and what that means to me. 

Hi. My name is Atlas, some people call me Cadyn, and I am the primary host of 26 fragmented parts of my consciousness. I am not dangerous, none of my parts or alters are dangerous, and no, it is not like “Split”. 

Dissociative Identity Disorder is a trauma based dissociative disorder listed in both the DSM IV and V,  and is recognized as an uncommon disorder characterized by two or more distinct personality states existing within the same consciousness. These personality states come to be when natural childhood development is disrupted by severe, continued, or repetitive, trauma, the child has a natural inclination towards heavy dissociation, and a lack of adult or parental support to develop the means to cope with the things happening to them.

Unfortunately popular mental health media has seen an uptake in people viewing DID as a quirky “trait”, the ability to have functional imaginary friends living in your head... but in reality DID is a lot darker, a lot scarier, and isn’t something I’d wish upon my worst enemy. Because of this media spike I wanted to share 7 things that living with Dissociative identity disorder means to me

1. Amnesia

Living with DID means that I miss out on a lot of my life. A primary symptom of DID is amnesia. I have no solid memories before the age of 13, and the memories I do have are often skewed, incorrect, or completely false as my brain fought for a way to fill in gaps and cope with the loss of memory. I forget a lot, and not just things like forgetting where I left my wallet and keys, or forgetting the day - those do happen, but I also mean forgetting big things, important life experiences and things I wish with all my being that I could remember like my highschool graduation and my wedding reception. 

I often forget important day to day things that make it difficult to maintain life as an adult, like doctors appointments, work schedules, meetings, and important daily tasks. I’ll forget that I’ve eaten at all that day and risk going days without eating, or overeating due to having no recollection of the last time I’d eaten. I forget birthdays (especially my own), anniversaries, and important holidays. 

To an outsider, who has no idea what’s happening inside my head, this can come across as though I’m thoughtless or unreliable. That I am cold for forgetting an important date, or simply that I just don’t care when this very much is not the case. 

2. Alienation

Oftentimes DID comes with a sense of alienation from people who you’re supposed to know. For me a really clear example of this is when I previously mentioned my childhood memories being skewed - I have a clear memory of a conversation I was having with some blood relatives a few years back in which I mentioned that one family member I had happy childhood memories of, and remembered playing together as kids, but with another family member they were practically a stranger to me. I had, and still have, no memories of ever spending time with them growing up, no memories of having any kind of relationship with them at all. My understanding of our relationship was that it was “forced” because we were family and our parents expected us to exist in the same space as we grew up, but that we never talked. But I was informed by a separate member of the family that I was very wrong, and this “stranger” was actually someone I had been close to growing up. This is a common experience with DID patients, and also a very frustrating one. It creates feelings of “You know me but I don’t know you”, and it’s extremely difficult to trust your own judgement of the people you know, because you often can’t tell if your judgement is skewed by your memories or lack thereof. 

3. PTSD and Flashbacks

A diagnosis of C-PTSD (Or complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is required for a diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder. This means that while the individual symptoms of DID can be frustrating, scary and sometimes depressing, the most difficult aspect of DID, and the most important to focus on in treatment is the PTSD symptoms. 

PTSD symptoms in DID can be extremely powerful due to the additional dissociative aspect. This can mean that for a lot of DID patients, flashbacks can produce full blown body sensations, hallucinations and terrifying delusions. This is One thing that I find incredibly difficult to talk about, but I also believe is extremely important to understand. It can be embarrassing, shameful and while I only speak for myself in saying this, can cause a lot of guilt and grief. There have been times where I have been experiencing powerful flashbacks and did not recognize my own husband, resulting in lash outs and fear towards him being delusioned into thinking that he was out to hurt me, or had harmful intent for just existing in the same space as I was. 

For me, a single wiff of a familiar smell, hearing a sound, a certain color, an idea, a name, a passing thought or comment can throw my previously stable mental state into one of pure panic, hyperventilation, hallucination, delusion, fight-flight-freeze and reactionary responses. Through treatment I’ve developed adaptive and healthy coping skills and management responses but trauma responses can be so quick, and so unexpected that I don’t always have time to process my coping skills before my body and mind respond in negative ways. 

4. Decision making and skewed Behavior

Because living with DID, means living with a shared or fragmented consciousness, this often means that while I may not remember, my life is still being lived during my time of memory loss. Alters or parts will take control and operate my body, reacting to things, interacting with people, completing tasks and functioning. But oftentimes parts who take control are very different from myself, and make choices and decisions that I wouldn’t normally make, and sometimes decisions I wouldn’t *ever* make. An example of this is the fact that technically I am a conservative voter, despite myself as an individual having leftist or NDP views, or decisions to leave or apply for jobs and work positions that I have no interest in, or that I don’t even have the qualifications or physique to do, or leaving ones that I personally loved and excelled at. This also reflects a lot in everyday life in more subtle things, decisions like what food to eat, things to buy, activities to do shift between parts while they’re in control. 

To outsiders this can look a lot like impulsivity, lack of self-control, or lack of a sense of identity. This is a huge reason why a lot of DID patients are often misdiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar Disorder because the behaviour between alters can be so drastically different that it can look a *lot* like manic or depressive states. 

5. Denial and Dismissing Trauma

A very common experience among DID patients is denial and being dismissive or disregarding the things that happened to them. I often find myself in a state of questioning whether my symptoms, my disorder, and even my trauma were ever real to begin with. In therapy I find myself saying “It’s not that big of a deal” or “It wasn’t that big of a deal” more times than I’m actually saying anything productive. A huge part of this is why I wanted to make this list, because the media, and a lot of medical circles deny that DID exists or believe it’s impossibly rare and those, while both false, can cause intense feelings of “Maybe I’m just doing this for attention”. DID is a very real, very difficult disorder to diagnose, to treat, and to live with disorder, and while it is uncommon, statistics show that approximately 1-2% of western population is diagnosed, and up to a suspected 7% are living with the disorder undiagnosed because of these misconceptions. It is not common, and it’s not something that everyone is going to have, but it is a very possible response to very real trauma and is a valid diagnosis to give to those meeting the criteria. 

6. Hidden Symptoms

DID is often referred to as a “covert” presenting disorder. What this means is that most commonly outsiders, friends, family, employers and even the patient themselves can have a nearly impossible time recognizing the symptoms, and it often goes unnoticed until an event destabilizes the function of the person’s life. This can lead to a lot of backlash or denial coming from peers and family close to the person. This leads to the patient hearing a lot of:  “I’ve never noticed personality changes”, “You don’t act like you have it”, “You couldn’t possibly have that”, “No, I would have noticed”, “You have to be mistaken”, “There’s no way, it would have been obvious”. And so, so much more. The reality of DID is that it’s *not* noticeable. It’s a safety response that the brain created to protect the psyche from the intense damages that come with long term trauma experiences, so it’s often designed to hide itself from abusers or perceived threats as a way to compartmentalize trauma memories and maintain the ability to survive through stress and unstable situations. Not being able to “notice” is kind of the point in most cases.

 7. Wandering and Dissociative Episodes

Living with untreated or unmanaged DID can potentially be dangerous due to episodes of dissociation, “wandering” experiences (where the patient will wander away from home, family, or life in a confusion, attempt to return to a perceived life never lived, or in a state of belief that their current life is unsafe). For me this took a head last year, and was actually an event that led to the solidification that this disorder was the explanation to my experiences. According to nurses and my husband, I had wandered into the emergency room of a hospital in the middle of the night, with no idea who or where I was, with no idea how to return home, or even where home was. I was wearing a t-shirt, and it had been raining, and my body was so cold they needed to retake my vitals nearly 6 times because they were unable to get an appropriate reading. After discovering my identity, my husband was called to take me home. Working with a therapist helped to develop a safety plan during events like this to prevent harm from coming to my body, or from ending up in newly traumatic environments, but I was lucky. These situations can lead to re-traumatization, victimization, it can lead to kidnapping, assault, it can lead to being injured or harmed by environmental factors and so much more and it is so incredibly important that DID patients work with their therapist to develop solid safety plans proactively to make sure that the patient doesn’t experience any worst case scenarios during episodes like this. 

Conclusion

My experiences are individual to me, and to my psyche. Not everyone will experience the disorder the same way, because not everyone experiences or responds to trauma the same way. I am so lucky, and extremely privileged to be able to access consistent care and treatment, that I found a professional who trusts me, and is focused on stabilizing and supporting. Too many people living with this disorder have no access to supportive mental health care because of the misconceptions that parts of the medical field hold regarding the legitimacy or frequency that the disorder develops, and too many peers and circles of people outcast or disregard the very real, very difficult experiences because they don’t understand the disorder, or believe it doesn’t exist, or believe it looks like split. If you, or someone you know is struggling with Dissociative symptoms, or dissociative identity disorder do not be afraid to reach out to a professional for support, and educate yourself on the reality of the disorder. 

[beautifuldarkmind]

Idk if this’ll seem creepy but I found a post on your account that mentioned the NHS.

Does that mean you live in the UK? If so, how did you get diagnosed with BPD? (…asking for a friend)

(Sorry if this is too personal)

Not creepy at all! I'll give you the back story because it wasn't a simple diagnosis -

Yes I live in the UK and basically I've had many signs of BPD leading up to adulthood- of course you can't get diagnosed until you're over 18 as they say anything below can be contributed to 'the teenage phase'... I literally would get so angry and blow up and I had the lowest self esteem, felt really unworthy etc... my mum took me to the doctors because she couldn't deal with my anger- but my parents would always invalidate my emotions... so it got worse. I'd get angry they would say 'women don't get angry', I'd have anxiety they would tell me 'nothing is wrong' etc. Doctors blamed it on me being a 'rowdy rebellious teen' but I realise now that I felt like no one was listening to me and I would react. They sent me to therapists, I had CBT for anxiety and depression, it didn't really help because something was still wrong - this continued until I was 18...

When I turned 20, I knew something definitely wasn't right... all my friends were moving through life, going to uni, had a sense of self … I didn't have that. I felt like I was still a child? like everyone around me was moving and growing and I was stuck in this childlike state trying to find out who I was and what I was doing. I hated myself- infact resented myself and I'd self sabotage and ruin every opportunity and friendship/relationship I had. I was also impulsive I'd do things to make myself feel better such as break things or go on non stop rants, buy things I didn't really need.

I went back to my GP last year ... explained this and they said... you guess it, DEPRESSION. I told them I had gone to hospital 3 or 4 times due to impulsively harming myself, I couldn't even function and I ruined all my relationships and life. I impulsively quit jobs, I ended friendships, I pushed people that cared for me away and then felt heartbroken afterwards and couldn't understand why I kept doing that.

The last time I went to the hospital they said I needed 'trauma therapy' ...I had an extremely volatile argument with my dad and I tried to hurt myself again and was extremely suicidal and knew I wasn't safe at home. They referred me to a service called 'The listening place' I had fortnightly calls with them, but it was mainly due to me feeling suicidal it didn't really combat anything.... I finished it and went back to my GP who then said psychiatrists wouldn't see me unless I was having severe mental health symptoms such as hallucinations or I was delusional and non functional. I begged them but they said...no! I was literally thinking... I'm desperate here, all they can do is prescribe me drugs and not even tell me wtf is wrong with me. They eventually said I'd be put on some waiting list for another type of therapy, I'd had enough.

It got to the point in 2020, where I'd got so unwell I literally couldn't function... I'd cry every day and I'd self destruct over anything... everything triggered me, you name it... I'd see people I knew graduating - I'd feel worthless, I'd be like what have I even done with my life? my birthday came up in October - a month later the police nearly had to break down my door because I'd not opened it and the helpline I called had marked me as a suicide risk. I went to hospital, the lady told me to meditate and go for a walk :))))))) like that's going to solve anything.

I was so confused why everything hurt so much... why I couldn't function, why I ruined everything so I went through my insurance and went privately. I'm going to be honest, the NHS failed me because I was begging them - I'd gone to hospital many times injured and obviously unwell- they had even said I was a risk to myself but wouldn't admit me to the psych ward because they had no beds. I don't know anyone who managed to get a diagnosis through the NHS because they fob everyone off and say its depression. Therapists wont diagnose, GP's are useless and will throw meds at you and they are very reluctant to prescribe anything.

When I got my diagnosis, I was both relieved but also in shock. They had told me it was 'EUPD' or emotionally unstable personality disorder.. I'd never heard of it referred to in that term, only BPD which I knew faintly of. If you have insurance go privately, some can get plans where you pay over a few months etc. But yeah, on the NHS it seems the only way they will diagnose you is if you're over 18 and are basically an inpatient or something because they refused to diagnose me, even when they told me I needed 'DBT' or 'Trauma therapy' they wouldn't give it a name they just said it was childhood trauma lmao. It may be different in other parts of the country but all the other people I know with BPD either had to do it privately or were inpatients and got diagnosed in the psychiatric hospital. Although you may have a really good doctor who may specialise in it and can help? but yeah I had the hardest time trying to find out what was wrong with me, the NHS don't like to diagnose it and once you have got diagnosed with it.... expect to be treated VERY differently by the NHS and doctors :) therapists now refuse to see me due to my diagnosis and I get told my episodes are because I'm 'emotionally unstable'... by MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS.

Good luck and all the best, it's not an easy journey.