#i specifically remember that when i was watching the first Alien with mom we got to the chestburster scene

[tgammsideblog]

How 100% Molly Mcgee¨ tackles mixed race crisis

The Ghost and Molly Mcgee, while being a funny comedy slice of life series, it has episodes that explore complicated real-life topics that the audience is able to relate to in more than one way.

One of these episodes is the season 2 episode ¨100% Molly Mcgee¨ that explores how Molly, who is mixed race/culture (Irish and Thai) feels alienated from her thai mother side of the family when her uncle David and cousin Emmie come to visit. Molly feels disconnected from her thai side and feels like she isn’t ¨thai¨ enough for that part of her family.

In this post I’m going to talk about how this episode tackles this theme, how it affects Molly and the rest of the characters involved and the lesson it gives.

Let’s start:

What does means to be mixed race/multi-ethnic?

According to dictionary.cambridge.org being mixed race means ¨a person whose parents are of different races¨. According to wikipedia being multi-ethnic refers to ¨people who are of more than one ethnicity.¨ In other pages, the term mixed race is used interchangeably to refer to people whose parents are from different races or different ethnic backgrounds since both terms are often correlated with each other. However, it worth of remembering that they mean different things. As you can belong to two different cultures but not be mixed race.

In the context of the series, Molly is a mixed race and multi-ethnic teen. She is half Thai from her mother side (Sharon) and half Irish from her father side (Pete). She is asian, southeast asian to be more specific, and white-european. The episode ¨100% Molly Mcgee¨ is about her thai side of the family and how she feels like she isn't connected enough to thai culture.

Molly’s conflict about being mixed race in the episode

¨100% Molly Mcgee¨ starts with Molly giving a presentation to her school classmates about her Thai heritage and her maternal family tree. She explains that her grandparents inmigrated from Thailand to America and that their surname is Suksai. Grandma Nin had two children: Sharon, Molly’s mom and David, Molly’s uncle, who himself got married and had a daughter named Emmie. Molly adds that Uncle David and Emmie are coming today from New York to visit the Mcgees after years of not seeing each other.

This intro is a good way to give the idea to someone who has never watched the series before that Molly is part thai and where her heritage comes from. I like how there are references to Thai culture and the fauna that is in Thailand in the presentation. It gives the idea that Molly enjoys learning about this culture and being involved in it, something that has been established in previous episodes.

In addition to this, there is a somewhat good explanation about why we haven’t seen Uncle David and Emmie around before, and that is because they live in New York and they haven’t been able to visit the Mcgees in a while.

The scene that follows is Uncle David and Emmie arriving at the Mcgees house. Molly greets them both and they get to meet Scratch, who they are very happy to see him and give him a big hug. Uncle David gives Molly an elephant plushie as a gift and she thanks to him in Thai. This makes Emmie excited since she thinks she has someone else around her age to talk to in Thai, to which Molly sadly answers that she only knows a few words and not much else. Emmie apologizes and shows to be okay with Molly not knowing a lot about the language.

Then Sharon and Grandma Nin greet David and Emmie in thai too, a conversation that Molly isn't able to follow since she can’t understand them. This is the first thing that makes Molly feel alienated from the rest of the Suksais, expressing to Scratch that she didn’t know there was so much thai spoken in this side of the family.

In the next scene the family is seen looking for a game night to play, Emmie suggests playing makruk, which Sharon describes as ¨thai chess¨. This is a game Molly has never heard about. Darryl reveals that he has been playing makruk online lately and plays a game with Emmie, making Molly feel more insecure about not knowing a lot about thai culture.

Then Uncle David shows some seaweed snacks that he brought to share. Molly tries eating some of them only to quickly realize that they are too spicy for her and she isn’t used to eating food that is this spicy. Sharon, David and Emmie eat them without any problem since they have spicy tolerance thanks to the thai food they got used to growing up.

Molly and Scratch are trying to calm down their burning mouths from the spiciness by drinking bottles of milk in Molly’s bedroom. Molly then expresses feeling alienated from thai culture because she doesn’t know things like how speak the language nor play makruk. She talks about how she only has one thai parent (Sharon) while her cousin Emmie has two thai parents, and, she thinks that because she is mixed race, she ¨isn’t thai enough¨ for her family.

One thing that is good about this episode is that a person can relate to Molly’s conflict without them having to be Thai since her conflict is about feeling like she doesn’t fit in with the rest of the Suksais because she doesn’t know much about her heritage aside from a few things. It is about feeling insecure that you aren’t connected enough to your roots and culture and feeling disconnected to your social circle as result of that. What’s more, this idea of feeling left out is something that Molly has struggled with past episodes (A Period Piece- All Night Plight), something that in part comes from being a teen but also a product of some abandoment issues she has.

Another aspect that is cool is how the Suksais don’t put Molly down for not knowing enough about thai culture, like Grandma Nin doesn’t show to be disappointed when Molly only knows a few thai words and Emmie apologizes to Molly when she realizes this too and continues to talk in english to her. They only make one or two jokes about Molly not being able to tolerate very spicy food but nothing else. If anything, them making Molly feel left out is indirect and completely unintentional as it would be in this type of family situations.

Molly has the idea of spending all night trying to learn as much as she can about thai culture to feel like she is ¨thai enough¨. The music song sequence has her trying to learn Thai language, how top lay makruk and trying to develop some spicy tolerance while Scratch helps her. I want to highlight how supportive Scratch is of Molly in this episode, he is seen guiding her when she is giving her school presentation at the start and then staying all night helping her with learning more about thai culture. In part it is because he gets what Molly is going through but he just really cares about her.

In the next day Molly presents to her family all the thai related plates she prepared for them to have, the Suksais are shown to be impressed, seeing this as a very nice gesture from Molly. Molly mentions how the food is ¨super spicy¨ and Grandma Nin quickly notices that something is off and brings up how Molly doesn’t like spicy food. Molly ignores Nin’s commentary and tries her best to prove that she can tolerate the spicy flavor.

She asks to Uncle David and Emmie how was their trip in thai and asks them to answer her in thai too. This leads to the rest of the Suksais to have a conversation in thai that Molly isn’t able to follow again just like the beginning of the episode.

I really like how this scene really shows how overwhelmed Molly feels about not being able to understand what the rest of the family is talking about, with the subtitles covering the entire screen while Molly panicks more and more until she screams. It’s a pretty effective scene that shows how she stressed she is in this situation.

Pete decides to tell a joke in thai language, making the others laugh. Molly is suprised that even Pete (who is Irish-white) knows how to talk thai. Pete explains to her that it is a joke that he has been practicing for months to impress Grandma Nin. This leads to Molly say that she still ¨isn’t thai enough¨ even when she spend all night trying to learn about the culture.

In the following scene Molly is in her bedroom surrounded by her plushies, feeling bad about what happened earlier. Scratch tries cheering her up without being able to do so. That’s when Sharon comes in and asks to Molly what is happening. She explains to Sharon how she doesn’t feel as thai as the rest of them. What follows is the rest of the suksais telling Molly that understand how she feels, just in different ways: Sharon feels bad about letting her thai get rusty, Uncle David for not have been in Thailand and even Grandma Nin mentions how her sister made fun of her for ¨being too american¨.

Sharon explains to Molly that ¨being thai is part of you¨ and ¨there isn’t a right or wrong way to be you¨, leading to Molly to understand that she doesn’t have to prove anything to them and it is her decision to choose how she celebrates thai culture and how much she wants to learn about it. Emmie tells to Molly that they love her the way she is and they all share a family hug, ending the episode.

One detail i want to highlight i how only the Suksais are involved in this personal scene and Scratch and Pete are ¨set aside¨ since it isn’t something that involves them in this context. It is a pretty nice detail that makes the scene better than it is.

Conclusion:

The lesson that 100% Molly Mcgee gives is that people have different ways of celebrating their own culture and they don’t have to prove anything to anyone. It is one’s decision to want to learn more about one’s heritage and you don’t have to do it because you feel like you have to impress your family or other people. One decides how invested they want to be and there isn’t anything wrong with knowing less about it in contrast to the rest of your family and social circle.

[eneablack]

when i first shifted to my fantasy dr (part 1)

i shifted to this dr in the past and i made a google doc about it because i wanted to send it to my friends but now that i have this account i can share the experience with y’all too :)

i recently shifted there again and wanted to share that too but i thought it would be better to post this one first as it explains more about my dr.

i’ll just copy and paste the document but it says that it’s too long so i have to split it into two posts.

so here we go.

OKAY SO I don't know where to start because I'm still freaking out okay. first of all, to shift, I simply set the intention to wake up in that specific reality (which I called “fantasy reality” because I didn't know what other name to give it) and went to sleep without doing anything else except visualising some parts of my dr house. the next morning i felt something on my face like someone was holding my face in their hands which scared me because i went to sleep alone and usually no one wakes me up but then i remembered it could be mom since we had something to do that morning. only that it wasn’t mom- opening my eyes I was hella shocked, I can't even explain what I felt after seeing that I had neteyam in front of me (yes, I added him to the script of this reality too), after all these months of pure agony (and I'm not kidding) I was finally in front of him and him in front of me. i immediately tried not to act weird but it was super hard so after he asked me if i was sick i told him i had a very weird nightmare and i still had to recover. the fact is that in this reality where I shifted he is not a blue alien but a "human" version (not so much human because he's an elf) and god, he was beautiful, the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life. at that point he seemed kind of worried about me because i was staring at him the whole time in silence trying to realize what had just happened so to avoid freaking him out more i told him i was so tired again and fuck, he laughed and then he fucking kissed me. to say that I exploded at that moment is an understatement, but let's overlook it. we got out of bed and started getting ready because, from what I understand, we had decided the night before that that morning we would go to my best friend's café (her name is auri and she is a fairy) and it was initially strange to realize that I had wings on my back (they are not so big anyway, that's why I didn't even feel them at first) and I immediately wondered how the fuck do I put a shirt on 🧍🏼but in the end I wore something all shredded. auri (one of my best friends) was so energetic, she never stopped talking but it didn't bother me. then my other friends yuri and will joined us (it’s will byers lol, i added him to the script after watching stranger things this summer). and will is a faun here 😭 he is truly a love, the sweetest and kindest person i know. I'm writing too much maybe I should cut it a bit, i’ll try to summarize from now. in the afternoon comes my favorite part: my work. in this reality I am half fairy half witch, which is a rare gene there (i scripted so because i wanted to be main character), in fact I am almost the only witch in the village apart from my mother and grandmother. so I went home to prepare a potion that someone had asked me for, they had to spray it on the garden that would make the crops grow well. meanwhile, while I was working on my table/altar, neteyam was working on a wonderful painting (that’s his job) which represented the image of the ocean at sunset with a ship in the centre. it was incredible, he was so talented. after i finished the potion i had another customer that day who ordered me a tarot reading so i went to her house (customers often come to my house but it is more usual for me to go to them). she was a young fairy and lived with her mother. as soon as I arrived they were both very kind and asked me if I wanted something to eat or drink before the reading, I said maybe later but they insisted so they made me sit down and gave me a slice of lemon cake (y’all it was so good) and some tea made by them.

(go to my next post for part 2 cause i can’t fit the entire text here for some reason)

[fluffykitteninabox]

watching Doctor Who for the first time (starting with the 9th doctor)

I'm only doing this because I've developed an unhealthy obsession with David Tennant since watching Good Omens, and I have a need to watch everything he's ever appeared in, and I know he's the 10th and 14th doctor so therefore I must watch 15 seasons of a show I otherwise wouldn't have cared about just to see him for 3 of them and a few specials!

I'm starting with the 9th because it seems like an easier starting point for a new fan from what I've read online

yes I've done research for this!

Plus the 9th doctor only got one season so it's close enough to the 10th that I don't mind watching it.

I am a completionist though so I will probably end up going back and watching the available episodes from before the revival if I like the series enough

so here's my thoughts

episode 1:

I hope we never see moving mannequins again because that shit creeps me out

honestly Rose, same. I too would have chosen the life of adventure and time travelling to infinite universes. Though I do think it felt kinda rushed to have her refuse and then immediately agree after she was told about the time travel part. Would be a cool opening if she refused on the first episode and then she spent the next one thinking about it and then changed her mind by the end. Or if we want to stick to the self contained structure show a bit more about her not liking her ordinary boring life so that it feels like a great offer when the doctor asks her to join him. I mean it does still feel like a great offer after she saved him and saying all that stuff about how she doesn't have anything to lose and gymnastics and all that. It's the back and forth that ruins it a bit honestly. Just have her say yes the first time.

I didn't know the tardis was an acronym! That's kinda cool

so is Rose never going to see her mom or her boyfriend again?

episode 2:

Alright I take it back she has doubts in episode 2 so that's good

that was a hell of an episode I don't know how to phrase it I think it changed my brain chemistry

I might be having an existential crisis?

respect to the tree lady I don't remember her name sorry

ironic how all these aliens exhibited more humanity than the supposed "last human"

kinda sad for the poor plumber that probably died too, we focused a lot on the rich guests but the workers on the ship deserved better

one thing I appreciate is that Rose chose to see the future. my personal choice would have been past but I think her choosing future is really in character for her (I say as if I've known her my whole life when I've only watched 2 episodes)

didn't expect to unlock the doctor's back story so early on. I'm guessing there's more later but for now that's already more than I thought I'd get

um yeah I was going to watch like the whole season in one or two sittings but like... I feel like my brain needs a break after episode two lol

well I was planning this post to have all my thoughts for season 1 but tumblr decided to go ahead and post my unfinished draft AGAIN even though I specifically clicked the SAVE button but anyway

guess I'll have to edit this or reblog as I go

whatever

fuck you tumblr

[goodsirbeasts]

tagged by the ever lovely @zaegreus, here we go!!

do you make your bed? I used to as a kid, mostly because my mom made me lol. But when I reached my teens I gave up - no one but me is seeing it anyway!

what’s your favourite number? I've always had an affinity for 4, though couldn't say why. I've always associated it with the color purple as well.

what is your job? assistant manager at a shoe store 🤷‍♀️ it's not bad but man do the customers get on my nerves

if you could go back to school would you? absolutely not. I'm 37 and still have nightmares about being late for class or forgetting to show up. I liked college but I'm not capable of that level of homework anymore.

can you parallel park? never learned how to drive LOL

a job you had that would surprise people? janitor I guess?? I actually liked it a lot though. We'd clean the local museum, so I got to see some art, and then we'd drive all the way up into the hills to clean the wind turbine research center.

do you think aliens are real? I hope they are, and I also hope they stay the fuck away from humans cause we are NOT going to treat them well.

can you drive a manual car? don't drive don't like cars~

what’s your guilty pleasure? I don't rly believe in guilty pleasures ...

tattoos? two at the moment; one of Sailor Saturn on my left forearm, and one of a lily of the valley with lil skulls in place of the buds on my right ankle.

favourite colour? any shade of purple, teal, baby pink, chartreuse.

favourite type of music? literally anything and everything! that being said I tend to gravitate more towards electro.

do you like puzzles? like, jigsaw puzzles? haven't done one in years but they're okay. puzzles in general? yes! I love figuring things out lol.

any phobias? not fond of large spiders but I always try to capture and release them outside. I'm also a lil nervous around any animal bigger than I am. deep water wigs me the fuck out. if I ever got any sort of parasite my soul would leave my body.

favourite childhood sport? volleyball and tennis! I loved playing those, and was fairly good at them :3

do you talk to yourself? oh definitely. not a lot but usually when I'm doing an annoying task or playing video games.

what movie(s) do you adore? favourite movies are:

1. Only God Forgives. Most films by Refn leave me very cold but something about this one is just my jam. The music, the acting, the story, Vithaya Pansringarm beating the shit out of Ryan Gosling - immaculate.

2. Ravenous. Caught this one randomly one night on IFC when I was younger. Couldn't believe I've never heard of it as it has both Guy Pearce AND Robert Carlyle, two of my fave actors. Anyway it was life changing and I'll never recover.

3. Suspiria (2018). I like the original as well but man. MAN. Everything about Guadagnino's version was made specifically for me.

4. Taboo (Gohatto). Accidentally came across this one when I was def too young to watch it lmao. I was going through a samurai phase and so naturally I was like oh cool, and they're gay? Sign me up! Let me tell ya, this one is a doozy. Basically it's about a bunch of samurai vying for the affections of a beautiful youth who also happens to be a full on sociopath (affectionate), and it does Not End Well. Also has Tadanobu Asano and Takeshi Kitano, who are awesome as usual.

coffee or tea? I like both but coffee is just SO GOOD.

first thing you wanted to be growing up? earliest thing I can remember wanting to be was an FBI agent? I was very into the X-Files as a kid and thought it would be a great job haha.

Not sure who to tag for these fjkskdkskkskd gonna go with my besties @porternash and @iwantoseeafrigatebird cause I'd personally love to read your answers :3

[emma-is-swaggy-and-epic]

Hey y'all, just got back from watching the rest of manlybadasshero's omori lets play and i thought i'd share some of my thoughts about the game! (NEEDLESS TO SAY, THERE WILL BE SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!)

So let's get one SUPER ULTRA MEGA BIG thing out of the way first, i would've 100% enjoyed my experience a lot more if i wasn't such a huge scatterbrain and spoiled the big twist at the end for myself. Though in my defense i kinda wasn't expecting the game to get so popular so quick when it first came out, i first heard of the game through manly and i thought it was just another obscure indie game like what he always plays. Aside from that though....I LOVED IT!!!!! It tugged at my heartstrings with it's accurate portrayal of mental illness and the heartwarming moments between sunny and his friends, it really reminded me of my own childhood in a lot of ways. I've found myself relating to all the characters in some sort of way, especially aubrey. Idk....just the way she lashed out on others throughout the game really spoke to me in a weird way......either that or it's just because i like rebellious characters in general (the fact that she has a pet bunny is a plus for me, i love bunnies!)

Ngl, i don't cry to video games often....i'm pretty sure the only games i've ever cried to are undertale and pokemon sword but even then, i was crying about pokemon sword because i was proud of myself for completing the game....and honestly, i'm glad omori is one of those games that make me emotional like that...even if i already knew sunny killed mari, even if i already knew basil killed himself in one of the endings. Though that could also be because my dog wouldn't shut the fuck up while i was watching the last few episodes and i was just stressed out about that

If i had to pick: i feel like i prefer headspace over real world, i was an undertale kid back in the day so i love me some quirky characters and fun worlds! Though tbh i feel like omocat WANTED her players to like headspace more since she explicitly said at one point that she specifically wanted to make omori a game so that people would be able to FEEL what sunny was feeling (that's the best way i can explain it i guess) that being said; i'd say my favorite characters are aubrey, spaceboy and recyclepath. I've already said what i've wanted to say about aubrey earlier but aside from that, i think she's really cool and VERY me-core! Same goes for spaceboy, i'm a huge sucker for bright colors and space-themed characters. Not to mention recyclepath is a really unique character, i've never seen a character based ENTIRELY on recycling before! Plus his coat and glasses remind me a LOT of oliver tree and i mean....hey, i like songs like alien boy and life goes on lmao

Ngl while i DID get the endings spoiled for me, there was still a lot of stuff that was a HUGE surprise for me! Like BRO I HAD NO IDEA KEL AND HERO HAD A BABY SISTER!!!! I mean....i DO vaguely remember someone mention sally in a youtube comment section but i had no idea what they were talking about and i was kinda just confused (iirc i may have even thought that kel and hero having a sister was just a weird dream i had) but i mean hey....as the youngest sister of 3 siblings who was born when my mom was in her 40's myself, i appreciate the representation! /hj

I actually first got into omori because a good friend of mine was into it, it started when he changed his pfp on discord to basil and we had a really short conversation about the game afterwards. A while later i saw an omori edit in my youtube rec and i thought "oh yay it's that game my friend likes! Let's watch it!" And the rest, as they say, is history! Dunno why the fuck it took me a whole ass year to finish the damn playthrough though

Speaking of which, i DEFINITELY wish that manly showed the hikkikomori route bosses in his playthrough. Seeing thoses cutscenes of the slime girls creating roboheart, mutantheart and perfectheart REALLY got me pumped to see the boss fights! Oh well....

All in all, omori is a SPECTACULAR game and i'm glad i decided to check it out! 9/10!

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

“Elliot Page doesn’t remember exactly how long he had been asking.

But he does remember the acute feeling of triumph when, around age 9, he was finally allowed to cut his hair short. “I felt like a boy,” Page says. “I wanted to be a boy. I would ask my mom if I could be someday.” Growing up in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Page visualized himself as a boy in imaginary games, freed from the discomfort of how other people saw him: as a girl. After the haircut, strangers finally started perceiving him the way he saw himself, and it felt both right and exciting.

The joy was short-lived. Months later, Page got his first break, landing a part as a daughter in a Canadian mining family in the TV movie Pit Pony. He wore a wig for the film, and when Pit Pony became a TV show, he grew his hair out again. “I became a professional actor at the age of 10,” Page says. And pursuing that passion came with a difficult compromise. “Of course I had to look a certain way.”

We are speaking in late February. It is the first interview Page, 34, has given since disclosing in December that he is transgender, in a heartfelt letter posted to Instagram, and he is crying before I have even uttered a question. “Sorry, I’m going to be emotional, but that’s cool, right?” he says, smiling through his tears.

It’s hard for him to talk about the days that led up to that disclosure. When I ask how he was feeling, he looks away, his neck exposed by a new short haircut. After a pause, he presses his hand to his heart and closes his eyes. “This feeling of true excitement and deep gratitude to have made it to this point in my life,” he says, “mixed with a lot of fear and anxiety.”

It’s not hard to understand why a trans person would be dealing with conflicting feelings in this moment. Increased social acceptance has led to more young people describing themselves as trans—1.8% of Gen Z compared with 0.2% of boomers, according to a recent Gallup poll—yet this has fueled conservatives who are stoking fears about a “transgender craze.” President Joe Biden has restored the right of transgender military members to serve openly, and in Hollywood, trans people have never had more meaningful time onscreen. Meanwhile, J.K. Rowling is leveraging her cultural capital to oppose transgender equality in the name of feminism, and lawmakers are arguing in the halls of Congress over the validity of gender identities. “Sex has become a political football in the culture wars,” says Chase Strangio, deputy director for transgender justice at the ACLU.

(Full article with photos continued under the “read more”)

And so Page—who charmed America as a precocious pregnant teenager in Juno, constructed dreamscapes in Inception and now stars in Netflix’s hit superhero show The Umbrella Academy, the third season of which he’s filming in Toronto—expected that his news would be met with both applause and vitriol. “What I was anticipating was a lot of support and love and a massive amount of hatred and transphobia,” says Page. “That’s essentially what happened.” What he did not anticipate was just how big this story would be. Page’s announcement, which made him one of the most famous out trans people in the world, started trending on Twitter in more than 20 countries. He gained more than 400,000 new followers on Instagram on that day alone. Thousands of articles were published. Likes and shares reached the millions. Right-wing podcasters readied their rhetoric about “women in men’s locker rooms.” Casting directors reached out to Page’s manager saying it would be an honor to cast Page in their next big movie.

So, it was a lot. Over the course of two conversations, Page will say that understanding himself in all the specifics remains a work in progress. Fathoming one’s gender, an identity innate and performed, personal and social, fixed and evolving, is complicated enough without being under a spotlight that never seems to turn off. But having arrived at a critical juncture, Page feels a deep sense of responsibility to share his truth. “Extremely influential people are spreading these myths and damaging rhetoric—every day you’re seeing our existence debated,” Page says. “Transgender people are so very real.”

That role in Pit Pony led to other productions and eventually, when Page was 16, to a film called Mouth to Mouth. Playing a young anarchist, Page had a chance to cut his hair again. This time, he shaved it off completely. The kids at his high school teased him, but in photos he has posted from that time on social media he looks at ease. Page’s head was still shaved when he mailed in an audition tape for the 2005 thriller Hard Candy. The people in charge of casting asked him to audition again in a wig. Soon, the hair was back.

Page’s tour de force performance in Hard Candy led, two years later, to Juno, a low-budget indie film that brought Page Oscar, BAFTA and Golden Globe nominations and sudden megafame. The actor, then 21, struggled with the stresses of that ascension. The endless primping, red carpets and magazine spreads were all agonizing reminders of the disconnect between how the world saw Page and who he knew himself to be. “I just never recognized myself,” Page says. “For a long time I could not even look at a photo of myself.” It was difficult to watch the movies too, especially ones in which he played more feminine roles.

Page loved making movies, but he also felt alienated by Hollywood and its standards. Alia Shawkat, a close friend and co-star in 2009’s Whip It,describes all the attention from Juno as scarring. “He had a really hard time with the press and expectations,” Shawkat says. “‘Put this on! And look this way! And this is sexy!’”

By the time he appeared in blockbusters like X-Men: The Last Stand and Inception, Page was suffering from depression, anxiety and panic attacks. He didn’t know, he says, “how to explain to people that even though [I was] an actor, just putting on a T-shirt cut for a woman would make me so unwell.” Shawkat recalls Page’s struggles with clothes. “I’d be like, ‘Hey, look at all these nice outfits you’re getting,’ and he would say, ‘It’s not me. It feels like a costume,’” she says. Page tried to convince himself that he was fine, that someone who was fortunate enough to have made it shouldn’t have complaints. But he felt exhausted by the work required to “just exist,” and thought more than once about quitting acting.

In 2014, Page came out as gay, despite feeling for years that “being out was impossible” given his career. (Gender identity and sexual orientation are, of course, distinct, but one queer identity can coexist with another.) In an emotional speech at a Human Rights Campaign conference, Page talked about being part of an industry “that places crushing standards” on actors and viewers alike. “There are pervasive stereotypes about masculinity and femininity that define how we’re all supposed to act, dress and speak,” Page went on. “And they serve no one.”

The actor started wearing suits on the red carpet. He found love, marrying choreographer Emma Portner in 2018. He asserted more agency in his career, producing his own films with LGBTQ leads like Freeheld and My Days of Mercy. And he made a masculine wardrobe a condition of taking roles. Yet the daily discord was becoming unbearable. “The difference in how I felt before coming out as gay to after was massive,” says Page. “But did the discomfort in my body ever go away? No, no, no, no.”

In part, it was the isolation forced by the pandemic that brought to a head Page’s wrestling with gender. (Page and Portner separated last summer, and the two divorced in early 2021. “We’ve remained close friends,” Page says.) “I had a lot of time on my own to really focus on things that I think, in so many ways, unconsciously, I was avoiding,” he says. He was inspired by trailblazing trans icons like Janet Mock and Laverne Cox, who found success in Hollywood while living authentically. Trans writers helped him understand his feelings; Page saw himself reflected in P. Carl’s memoir Becoming a Man. Eventually “shame and discomfort” gave way to revelation. “I was finally able to embrace being transgender,” Page says, “and letting myself fully become who I am.”

This led to a series of decisions. One was asking the world to call him by a different name, Elliot, which he says he’s always liked. Page has a tattoo that says E.P. PHONE HOME, a reference to a movie about a young boy with that name. “I loved E.T. when I was a kid and always wanted to look like the boys in the movies, right?” he says. The other decision was to use different pronouns—for the record, both he/him and they/them are fine. (When I ask if he has a preference on pronouns for the purposes of this story, Page says, “He/him is great.”)

A day before we first speak, Page will talk to his mom about this interview and she will tell him, “I’m just so proud of my son.” He grows emotional relating this and tries to explain that his mom, the daughter of a minister, who was born in the 1950s, was always trying to do what she thought was best for her child, even if that meant encouraging young Page to act like a girl. “She wants me to be who I am and supports me fully,” Page says. “It is a testament to how people really change.”

Another decision was to get top surgery. Page volunteers this information early in our conversation; at the time he posted his disclosure on Instagram, he was recovering in Toronto. Like many trans people, Page emphasizes being trans isn’t all about surgery. For some people, it’s unnecessary. For others, it’s unaffordable. For the wider world, the media’s focus on it has sensationalized transgender bodies, inviting invasive and inappropriate questions. But Page describes surgery as something that, for him, has made it possible to finally recognize himself when he looks in the mirror, providing catharsis he’s been waiting for since the “total hell” of puberty. “It has completely transformed my life,” he says. So much of his energy was spent on being uncomfortable in his body, he says. Now he has that energy back.

For the transgender community at large, visibility does not automatically lead to acceptance. Around the globe, transgender people deal disproportionately with violence and discrimination. Anti-trans hate crimes are on the rise in the U.K. along with increasingly transphobic rhetoric in newspapers and tabloids. In the U.S., in addition to the perennial challenges trans people face with issues like poverty and homelessness, a flurry of bills in state legislatures would make it a crime to provide transition-related medical care to trans youth. And crass old jokes are still in circulation. When Biden lifted the ban on open service for transgender troops, Saturday Night Live’s Michael Che did a bit on Weekend Update about the policy being called “don’t ask, don’t tuck.”

Page says coming out as trans was “selfish” on one level: “It’s for me. I want to live and be who I am.” But he also felt a moral imperative to do so, given the times. Human identity is complicated and mysterious, but politics insists on fitting everything into boxes. In today’s culture wars, simplistic beliefs about gender—e.g., chromosomes = destiny—are so widespread and so deep-seated that many people who hold those beliefs don’t feel compelled to consider whether they might be incomplete or prejudiced. On Feb. 24, after a passionate debate on legislation that would ban discrimination against LGBTQ people, Representative Marie Newman, an Illinois Democrat, proudly displayed the pride flag in support of her daughter, who is trans. Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, a Georgia Republican, responded by hanging a poster outside her office that read: There are TWO genders: MALE & FEMALE.

The next day Dr. Rachel Levine, who stands to become the first openly transgender federal official confirmed by the Senate, endured a tirade from Senator Rand Paul about “genital mutilation” during her confirmation hearing. My second conversation with Page happens shortly after this. He brings it up almost immediately, and seems both heartbroken and determined. He wants to emphasize that top surgery, for him, was “not only life-changing but lifesaving.” He implores people to educate themselves about trans lives, to learn how crucial medical care can be, to understand that lack of access to it is one of the many reasons that an estimated 41% of transgender people have attempted suicide, according to one survey.

Page has been in the political trenches for a while, having leaned into progressive activism after coming out as queer in 2014. For two seasons, he and best friend Ian Daniel filmed Gaycation, a Viceland series that explored LGBTQ culture around the world and, at one point, showed Page grilling Senator Ted Cruz at the Iowa State Fair about discrimination against queer people. In 2019, Page made a documentary called There’s Something in the Water, which explores environmental hardships experienced by communities of color in Nova Scotia, with $350,000 of his own money. That activism extends to his own industry: in 2017, he published a Facebook post that, among other things, accused director Brett Ratner of forcibly outing him as gay on the set of an X-Men movie. (A representative for Ratner did not respond to a request for comment.)

As a trans person who is white, wealthy and famous, Page has a unique kind of privilege, and with it an opportunity to advocate for those with less. According to the U.S. Trans Survey, a large-scale report from 2015, transgender people of color are more likely to experience unemployment, harassment by police and refusals of medical care. Nearly half of all Black respondents reported being denied equal treatment, verbally harassed and/or physically attacked in the past year. Trans people as a group fare much worse on such stats than the general population. “My privilege has allowed me to have resources to get through and to be where I am today,” Page says, “and of course I want to use that privilege and platform to help in the ways I can.”

Since his disclosure, Page has been mostly quiet on social media. One exception has been to tweet on behalf of the ACLU, which is in the midst of fighting anti-trans bills and laws around the country, including those that ban transgender girls and women from participating in sports. Mississippi Governor Tate Reeves says he will sign such a bill in the name of “protect[ing] young girls.” Page played competitive soccer and vividly recalls the agony of being told he would have to play on the girls’ team once he aged out of mixed-gender squads. After an appeal, Page was allowed to play with the boys for an additional year. Today, several bills list genitalia as a requirement for deciding who plays on which team. “I would have been in that position as a kid,” Page says. “It’s horrific.”

All this advocacy is unlikely to make life easier. “You can’t enter into certain spaces as a public trans person,” says the ACLU’s Strangio, “without being prepared to spend some percentage of your life being threatened and harassed.” Yet, while he seems overwhelmed at times, Page is also eager. Many of the political attacks on trans people—whether it is a mandate that bathroom use be determined by birth sex, a blanket ban on medical interventions for trans kids or the suggestion that trans men are simply wayward women beguiled by male privilege—carry the same subtext: that trans people are mistaken about who they are. “We know who we are,” Page says. “People cling to these firm ideas [about gender] because it makes people feel safe. But if we could just celebrate all the wonderful complexities of people, the world would be such a better place.”

Even if Page weren’t vocal, his public presence would communicate something powerful. That is in part because of what Paisley Currah, a professor of political science at Brooklyn College, calls “visibility gaps.” Historically, trans women have been more visible, in culture and in Hollywood, than trans men. There are many explanations: Our culture is obsessed with femininity. Men’s bodies are less policed and scrutinized. Patriarchal people tend to get more emotional about who is considered to be in the same category as their daughters. “And a lot of trans men don’t stand out as trans,” says Currah, who is a trans man himself. “I think we’ve taken up less of the public’s attention because masculinity is sort of the norm.”

During our interviews, Page will repeatedly refer to himself as a “transgender guy.” He also calls himself nonbinary and queer, but for him, transmasculinity is at the center of the conversation right now. “It’s a complicated journey,” he says, “and an ongoing process.”

While the visibility gap means that trans men have been spared some of the hate endured by trans women, it has also meant that people like Page have had fewer models. “There were no examples,” Page says of growing up in Halifax in the 1990s. There are many queer people who have felt “that how they feel deep inside isn’t a real thing because they never saw it reflected back to them,” says Tiq Milan, an activist, author and transgender man. Page offers a reflection: “They can see that and say, ‘You know what, that’s who I am too,’” Milan says. When there aren’t examples, he says, “people make monsters of us.”

For decades, that was something Hollywood did. As detailed in the 2020 Netflix documentary Disclosure, transgender people have been portrayed onscreen as villainous and deceitful, tragic subplots or the butt of jokes. In a sign of just how far the industry has come—spurred on by productions like Pose and trailblazers like Mock—Netflix offered to change the credits on The Umbrella Academy the same day that its star posted his statement on social media. Now when an episode ends, the first words viewers see are “Elliot Page.”

Today, there are many out trans and nonbinary actors, directors and producers. Storylines involving trans people are more common, more respectful. Sometimes that aspect of identity is even incidental, rather than the crux of a morality tale. And yet Hollywood can still seem a frightening place for LGBTQ people to come out. “It’s an industry that says, ‘Don’t do that,’” says director Silas Howard, who got his break on Amazon’s show Transparent, which made efforts to hire transgender crew members. “I wouldn’t have been hired if they didn’t have a trans initiative,” Howard says. “I’m always aware of that.”

So what will it mean for Page’s career? While Page has appeared in many projects, he also faced challenges landing female leads because he didn’t fit Hollywood’s narrow mold. Since Page’s Instagram post, his team is seeing more activity than they have in years. Many of the offers coming in—to direct, to produce, to act—are trans-related, but there are also some “dude roles.”

Downtime in quarantine helped Page accept his gender identity. “I was finally able to embrace being transgender,” he says.

Page was attracted to the role of Vanya in The Umbrella Academy because—in the first season, released in 2019—Vanya is crushed by self-loathing, believing herself to be the only ordinary sibling in an extraordinary family. The character can barely summon the courage to move through the world. “I related to how much Vanya was closed off,” Page says. Now on set filming the third season, co-workers have seen a change in the actor. “It seems like there’s a tremendous weight off his shoulders, a feeling of comfort,” says showrunner Steve Blackman. “There’s a lightness, a lot more smiling.” For Page, returning to set has been validating, if awkward at times. Yes, people accidentally use the wrong pronouns—“It’s going to be an adjustment,” Page says—but co-workers also see and acknowledge him.

The debate over whether cisgender people, who have repeatedly collected awards for playing trans characters, should continue to do so has largely been settled. However, trans actors have rarely been considered for cisgender parts. Whatever challenges might lie ahead, Page seems exuberant about playing a new spectrum of roles. “I’m really excited to act, now that I’m fully who I am, in this body,” Page says. “No matter the challenges and difficult moments of this, nothing amounts to getting to feel how I feel now.”

This includes having short hair again. During our interview, Page keeps rearranging strands on his forehead. It took a long time for him to return to the barber’s chair and ask to cut it short, but he got there. And how did that haircut feel?

Page tears up again, then smiles. “I just could not have enjoyed it more,” he says.”

[odos-bucket]

More Protective!Batdad Fic, With the Pretense that this is a Series Mostly Given Up

They’re returning to the cave after Robin’s first night out since the start of Tim’s parents’ most recent stay in the city. It had been a routine patrol, made noteworthy only by the return of the boy wonder. They’d gotten into a bit of a scuffle with some muggers towards the end of the night, but it wasn’t anything they couldn’t handle, and they had both come away from it unharmed. At least that was what Bruce thought at the time. And he paid pretty close attention to things.

But when the domino mask comes off he can clearly see where Tim has a black eye, and a bruise blooming over his cheek.

“What happened?” He leaves his cowl and gloves on the computer, and takes a few steps closer to where Tim is fishing his civilian clothes out of a bag.

“Huh?” Tim bunches up the shirt he’s holding into a fist, and his eyes dart around for a moment without settling on Bruce. “Oh.” Fingers of his free hand fly up to hover over his injured cheek. “Thief got in a lucky shot.” His voice is a fraction of an octave higher than usual.

Bruce’s eyes automatically narrow as he begins his mental recall of the events that had transpired less than twenty minutes prior.

“I didn’t see you get hit,” he says slowly.

Tim just shrugs.

The bruise is too dark to be less than half an hour old anyway. It had to have come from sometime earlier in the day. It had been hidden beneath the mask though, and they’d both already been in full costume when they’d met earlier that evening.

Before Bruce can say anything else, Tim is ducking into a private alcove to finish getting changed. He’s a bit slower at it than usual, and Bruce wonders if that could be indicative of other hidden injuries, or if Tim is just drawing it out to avoid further scrutiny. Several minutes go by, and he finally clears his throat.

“Tim?”

“Just a second.” The words come out quickly.

Bruce goes to change himself, only to find that Tim still isn’t out by the time he’s finished and returned. He knocks gently on the wall that’s partitioning off the section of the cave where he’s changing, and hears a soft startled gasp, before Tim’s scurrying out.

“Yep! Sorry! Sorry! Just a little spaced.”

“Tim.” Bruce hopes his voice sounds gentle. “What happened?”

“What do you mean? I told you-“

“Don’t lie to me. That didn’t come from just now.” Bruce pauses and sighs. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Tim shakes his head.

“I won’t tolerate you hiding injuries from me.”

“I’m not.”

They stand looking at each other for several drawn out, silent seconds.

“Were you patrolling on your own?” Bruce asks after a minute. “I’m going to find out if you-“

“No.” Tim sounds even less like his normal self when he cuts in. “I promise I wasn’t.”

“All right. So what is it? Did something happen during the day?”

As much as Bruce wants to know about it if Tim’s getting into fights at school, or somewhere else, he recognizes that it may not be his place to intervene if this wasn’t vigilante related. That’s fine (at least so he tells himself) but he’d like assurance that someone’s looking out for his Robin.

“Is it something you can handle with your parents?” He tries.

Tim’s eyes widen for half a second, and then he bursts into tears.

Bruce briefly freezes, before returning to himself and rushing to Tim’s side.

“I’m so stupid,” Tim is muttering, barely discernibly. “I’m sorry. I was so stupid.” The words barely come out between bouts of gasping, shuddering sobs.

Bruce wants to beg him to tell him what happened, but settles for reaching out a careful arm, and slowly pulling him close. Tim freezes for a fraction of a second, before melting into his side, continuing to mumbled unintelligibly.

“It’s all right,” Bruce tries to sooth, very aware that he doesn’t really have the voice for that sort of thing. “You’re okay.” He desperately wishes that he could offer some more specific reassurances, but he still doesn’t know what’s going on. “I’ve got you,” he settles for, running a hand through Tim’s hair.

They stay like that for a while, Tim crying, and apologizing, and Bruce telling him it’s okay, and wishing he could be sure that it was true. Eventually the tears dry up, and the breathing evens out, and the tense body beside his goes limp with exhaustion. Bruce doesn’t let go, not until he feels Tim starting to shift around restlessly. And even then he stays close enough to be easily collapsed into again, should the need arise.

“I messed up,” Tim says, after a few false starts.

“Whatever it is, we can fix it.” A ridiculous promise, and one that Bruce normally wouldn’t be making without more information. But somehow- without Bruce meaning to allow him to- Tim has joined the narrow ranks of those capable of inducing him to speak or behave a-procedurally.

Tim shakes his head.

“Tim, I want to help, but you have to give me something to work with.”

Tim is too focused on keeping his eyes dry, and his breathing steady to respond.

“Do you want me to take you home?” Bruce forces himself to offer, forces himself to remember that this child isn’t his, doesn’t need him the way the other robins did.

Another sob escapes Tim, and he buries his face in his hands. There’s a pang in Bruce’s chest as he realizes what he has to ask next.

“Did something happen at home?”

The question is met with heavy breathing, followed by a drawn out silence, and then, finally, a slow nod.

Bruce forces down his rising anger, as Tim finally gathers himself to speak.

“I don’t know if they want me to go back.” It comes out in a hoarse whisper. “Dad was so mad at me.”

Fury coils in Bruce’s gut, and lies in wait for his next question to be answered.

“Did he do this?” He gestures to the black eye.

“It’s never happened before,” Tim rushes to say. “Nothing like this ever has.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Bruce practically growls. Tim, to his credit, seems entirely unaffected by the intensity of the tone.

“I started it,” he says.

“… There’s no way that’s true.”

“Bruce,” Tim chokes out, leaning back into him.

“I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Bruce pulls him close like he could absorb Tim into himself, like if he holds him tightly enough he can keep him safe- as if he’s actually capable of keeping any child safe. This will never happen again, he wants to say, I won’t let it. His mind is racing. He doesn’t want to let Tim back into that house, doesn’t want to let him out of his sight really. He’s never been able to fathom how the Drakes can have this selfless, determined, brilliant child in their care, and be so willing to spend all their time away from him. He’s been wary of them from the beginning. But he never imagined that they could pose this kind of danger to their son.

“This is so stupid,” Tim grumbles into Bruce’s shoulder.

Bruce can’t disagree, though he’s a little worried that they aren’t on the same page about what exactly that means.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Tim continues after a minute. “I thought- I thought things were going well!”

“Telling me was the right thing to do,” Bruce says quickly. “If somebody’s hurting you- no matter who it is-“

“That isn’t what I mean.” He takes a deep breath, and leans back a little bit.

Bruce watches patiently, as Tim calms his nerves, and steadies himself.

“I… told Mom and Dad about Connor,” he breathes. “Not the alien clone thing, obviously. But, I told them that I was seeing someone- a guy- and I don’t even know why I did it! In the back of my head I knew there was no way it was going to go over well. I knew that. I was just, I don’t know, feeling happy, and okay for the first time in a while. So I thought-“ He shakes his head. “I mean I didn’t think; that was the problem. And Mom reacted the way I knew she- the way I should have known she would. And I got mad, and I started yelling at her, and Dad, when I yelled at her, Dad, that’s when he- he…”

Bruce’s heart breaks. It’s not like he’d imagined that Jack Drake would have a good reason for lashing out at his son, but this was nothing.

“I’m still not hearing anything that you did wrong.” He forces himself to stay calm.

“Trying to come out to them was dumb! I didn’t need to do it. They were leaving soon anyways, it shouldn’t have mattered!”

“No. They shouldn’t have hurt you,” Bruce says fiercely. “This is part of who you are, so it should always matter. It’s not stupid to assume that people who are supposed to care about you would want to know more about what’s going on in your life. Tim, you did nothing wrong.”

He runs a hand up and down his back, like he’d done when Dick had nightmares as a child.

Tim glances at him out of the glassy corner of his eye, and scrubs his hands roughly over his face, before mumbling something that Bruce doesn’t catch.

He waits for a beat, before quietly asking if Tim will repeat himself.

“They don’t want me coming around here anymore,” he says more clearly, voice suddenly empty. “They- they saw that interview you did a couple years back, where you came out as bisexual.” His face is tinged pink, ashamed to even be repeating his parent’s words. “So they think that I, I don’t know, caught it from you, like it’s contagious or something. But I didn’t know where else to go! And I- I don’t want to give this up…“ He gestures broadly to the cave around them as hiccuping breaths overpower his speech.

Bruce just holds on as Tim continues to cry, softly repeating that he didn’t do anything wrong, carefully keeping the furious voice raging, ‘those bastards won’t take you away from me,’ under wraps. He doesn’t let himself think about every other instance of his sexuality being cited as a factor making him an unsuitable guardian that he’s committed to precise memory, the vicious arguments that his children should be taken away from him, the fact that if he hadn’t been born so lucky in so many other ways they might have been. Tim doesn’t need him to be angry, Tim needs him to be smart.

They wait out the tears again, until they’re not falling so heavily, and Tim is shuddering occasionally, rather than continuously, and can compose himself enough to speak.

“I didn’t mean to dump all this on you,” he says once he’s mostly calmed down.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Bruce threads his fingers through locks of lightly tangled hair. “I’m so glad you told me what happened. You’re going to stay here tonight, okay?”

Tim is with them often enough when his parents aren’t around that they already have a room made up for him, a room which after less than a year has come to show more evidence of his personality than his bedroom at the Drake’s mansion.

Tim nods.

“Thank you.”

Bruce squeezes his shoulder.

“Do you still have pajamas here? Or do you need to borrow a pair of Dick’s?”

It’s something easy in a moment where everything feels impossibly difficult.

“I brought them with me when I went home.” His breath catches on the last word, and it only half comes out.

“That’s all right. Dick won’t mind.”

Now it’s just a matter of getting themselves upstairs. There will be more to worry about tomorrow, much more, and it will undoubtedly only increase in the days that follow. Bruce will have to figure out whether or not Jack and Janet Drake are looking for their son, and he can’t quite decide which the worse option is at this point. He’ll also need to make sure he understands what exactly is within his power to do to keep Tim safe. Bruce stops himself before he can begin preparing for the future too obsessively. He brings himself back to the present moment, stairs, pajamas, bed, all very manageable tasks.

He just really doesn’t want to let go of the child in his arms. The realization that Tim might need him more than he thought is overpowering, making him feel violently protective, and a little bit terrified.

Some of the strain of the moment breaks when Tim uses the side of Bruce’s arm to stifle a yawn, but it’s still a little while longer before they’re ready to head upstairs.

When they do, Tim wanders up to his room, where Bruce hopes he’ll find easy rest. He stays awake and finds Alfred. There’s a lot they need to talk about.

[tastyykpop]

nct dating headcannons!

I only did 127 because there's so many but ill do the others if anyone requests it :)

ɴᴄᴛ ʙғ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴ

Taeil

Mr. Moon Taeil is the definition of a cuddly boyfriend

Hes always holding your hand or kissing your cheek

Definitely gets shy when the members are around but in public youre all his

Hes super sincere about anything too but also knows how to joke around

I mean have you seen him with nct

Hes funny❗❗

Like he's gonna make you laugh no matter what

And those deep convos yall would have at night while cuddling>>>

"What if we were put on earth by aliens as an experiment to see if we would live and everytime we see ufos its just our cousins checking up on us"

Eyes wide open, "bro"

Taeils either the big or small spoon too

There's no in between

Also the biggest baby when yall are chilling

"I call small spoon!"

"But you were the small spoon last night"

"K and what about it"

10/10 would complain if you didn't want to sit with him and watch a movie or show

Would probably guilt trip you by saying you never watch something with him

Hes a sweet manipulator...

But he could easily replace you with one of the members

Like sicheng

Taeil will always ask if you've eaten

If you haven't eaten he gets big sad

Don't make him sad

Plus hes always checking on your health

And he'll know if your lying if you say you're doing fine when you're not

Also don't lie in general cuz he doesn't like that

That would make him trust you a bit less and he definitely wants trust in the relationship

Trust is a huge key or hes out

Johnny

This man 🥲

Boyfriend Material™

So gentle and loving

Loves making you feel special and will hype the shit out of you when you don't feel confident doing something

Will always make sure you're doing okay

Johnny puts in so much effort to make this relationship work and expects you to put the same amount of effort into it too

Like taeil, hes really big on trust

Add honesty to that list

Plus he expects you to be mature when needed

If you're the type of person who depends on someone else for everything and I'm mean everything he will actually leave

Hes not your babysitter❤

But he will take care of you to some extent

Like basic things for instance

He'll make you food if you're sick, get you water if your dehydrated, will get your feminine products when you need it

Very sweet😌

Okay and he spoils you but wbk

"Why are you getting me so much things?"

"Because I love you."

"But why did you get me a kitten costume???"

He has some kinks to work out 😐

Johnny will go to shop after shop even if you say you don't want something (you do but you just don't want him to pay) he'll get it without batting an eye

"Youve been staring at these shoes for 5 minutes imma buy them for you"

"Huh? No! I-"

"Too late"

will take you out to dinner all the time just to be romantic

Hes actually really good at romantic stuff

I say Johnny you say whipped

Johnny👀

Whipped😫

His free time is always you time

So don't bother saying your busy cuz now hes busy with you

"Johnny i got a test coming up can you come later? I need to study

"Thats cute im coming over to help"

Taeyong

Judging taeyong on his looks, some say he would be cold to his girlfriend

Like a tsundere

But the man is quite the opposite

Though he can be stern if need be

He has 22 children what do you expect

Will literally treat you like his members and always taking care of you

But there will be times when you have to take care of him because hes so tired from work

He turns into a baby when he's tired or lazy too

So wrap him in a burrito blanket and hes all set for the day

Makes weird noises but thats normal

You're just watching tv and hes just making some old video game sounds with his mouth

No one questions it

If he didnt make sounds you'd probably question it

Talks in pout if he doesn't get his way with you

"Why don't you wanna play games with me~"

"Bruh I'm tired"

Or just gives you those big puppy eyes without even trying

Complete other person when you're not listening

He just kinda stares at you all intimidating like until you listen

Taeyong won't do anything too bad if you kept ignoring him, but you don't know that

Omg bro he'd literally bring you on vlive with him to chat

Even if the company is like '???Shes not an idol???'

But its taeyong so SM doesn't care🧍‍♂️

"We have special guest again! Its y/n-ah!!"

You'd be just chilling on his bed giving him a wtf look until you realize there's a camera and smile

"Shes cute. Isn't she cute guys?"

Don't try to escape the vlive, he'll just get up and sit you on his lap

Makes everyone watching jelly🥲

Bro he would make fun of you the same way he makes fun of doyoung

you'd be sitting with doyoung or sumn and taeyong just comes up to the both of you and decides

'Its time to end these two'

You and doyoung are just like 'tf did we do'

Somehow some other members are making fun of yall

Of course they aren't mean

Its all fun and games and gives you a good laugh after

Doyoung

Hes literally a mom

But its ok

You love it

Sometimes

He also nags a lot

And if you don't listen he gets mad

You wouldn't tell him this but you find it funny

And cute🤐

"Youre almost as bad as dream" 

"what are u talking about im an angel"

"Kay then put the knife down we kinda need haechan to live"

Hes beaten you with a pillow once

In front of taeyong

Taeyong was watching like 👁👄👁

I dont think he cares much for pda tbh

But he doesn't hate it

He'll hug you a lot

And doyoung will probably kiss you here and there

But thats depending on his mood

If he's tired he'd probably just hold you in his arms

Either way he still makes you smile even with the smallest of touches

When you guys go out in public doyoung always holds your hand

I mean always

Remember when I said he doesn't seem like the type to be into pda

I lied

Doyoung wants everyone to know youre his

He won't kiss you but he will pull you into random hugs and hold your hand like he's gonna lose you any second

Doyoung also can't go anywhere without dressing his best

Like even if he's just practicing he's gotta look cute

And he always does because he's fucking kim doyoung

Doyoung also has a habit to make up names for you

Like one day he'll call you babe/baby

The next day could be angel or princess

Then there's you who just calls him bunny because he hates (loves) it

Expect some random gifts from him

Cuz like Johnny, he likes to spoil you

he just loves the smile thats plastered on your face

Pinches your cheeks evey time you smile too

When you guys are just chilling in the dorms you are always doing something to make doyoung get "angry"

"Angry" doyoung is a fun doyoung

Says you and taeyong 🤭

Literally will chase you around the dorm until he gets you and "scolds you"

Hell also scold taeyong

Sometimes you prank him with the other members

*cough*haechan*cough*

But doyoung knows youre just being playful

So he kinda laughs at you

Yuta

Hes a devil

Wbk

He can go from calling you the cutest lil thang to saying the most inappropriate stuff

"U have such a pretty mouth" 

"no stop" 

"how about u use it on my-"

"OUT DEMON"

Besides that he's actually very nice

Although he doesn't really show his affection like how most couples would

At first hes kinda like a "cold boyfriend" but not?

Gives off a tsundere kinda vibe

He lives for pda

Especially if you initiate it

His favorite is kissing your neck

Not in a sexual way or trying to give you hickeys tho

He just comes over and kisses it

Probably has a neck kink 😳

Same 😌

When you guys are out in public his arm is always around your waist or shoulders

He gets easily jealous when you give anyone any attention

Especially if you have a pet

He will be pouty for God knows how long until you notice

"I'll make it up to you"

"ok then prove it *pats his lap*"

"...I can and will replace you with this animal"

Will not let a dude flirt with you

If he sees a dude flirt with you he just gives them ㄒ卄乇 ㄥㄖㄖҜ

Lowkey hot

But sometimes gives you that look if u aren't listening to him

Its an advantage

Freaks you out tho

When your sitting on the couch minding your own damn business yuta always pulls you onto his lap or sits you between his legs

He really likes to be close to you

So when you guys are sitting he keeps his head on your shoulder and his arms wrapped around you gently rocking you both

Omg im making myself feel single

If you are sad yuta will always be the first person you lean on

Even if its not serious

"Who do I need to fuck up?"

"Im literally just on my period..."

The members sometimes tease him because they'd never seen him so in love

He looks at you like ur his everything

Because you are

He'll tell you that too

If you say something bad about urself he gives you a whole ass lecture about how u should love yourself the way he loves you

He'd be talking for 25 minutes but you stopped listening 30 minutes ago

Literally scolds you for not listening

Loves how well you get along with the members

But also hates how well you get along with specific members because of how similar you are with them

What I'm trying to say is that you are a bit too similar to mark🚶‍♂️

Jaehyun

Frat boy boyfriend

Lowkey wants to fuck everyday

Idk he gives off that vibe

But jaehyuns just chill half the time

Hes like an American boyfriend like bitch you're Korean 👁👄👁

Hes super cuddly and warm

Thats weird wait

Like when you're cold just snuggle into him because body heat <3

Always loosely has his arms around your waist when just laying down

Whole different story if you're sitting on his lap and just standing around

Back hugs😫😫

Dead ass the first thing he does if he sees you is give you a back hug

It works for a lot of things

Surprise? Back hug

You're cooking? Back hug

Horny? Back hug

Solves his life problems basically

Hes a freak omg

Very flirtatious too

Hes just that bitch

Either he makes you blush or roll your eyes

"Y/n you're ass is fat"

Def an ass guy😑

Hes the type of guy to put his hands in your jeans back pocket

Wait no im feeling jaehyun too much rn

BUT MY POINT STILL STANDS

Or when yall hug his hand doesn't rest on your back but your ass

If you're wearing some shorts or something that makes your but pop

Hes gonna smack it and pretend like nothing happened

Yo someone pls save me im in my jae feels

Nah I've been talking about his ass kink for too long

Ummmm

Okay for real though jaes actually really nice and kind of careless when it comes to you

Fuck everyone else, if you've fallen and scraped your knee hes gonna be that soccer mom and rip a band aid out of nowhere

But if one of his members scraped their knee he'd just look the other way and smile like nothing happened

Earlier I said he was chill but hes also loud too

You walk into the dorms and the first thing you hear is "Y/N!!" Wyd?

You swear he doesn't realize how loud he is half the time because of that deep voice

This bitch always makes sure youre healthy and tries to take you to the gym with him

It dont work cuz this bitch just stares at your ass

Nah I need to do the next member

Jungwoo

hes literally the cutest especially around you

When he greets you its basically a whole ass bear hug

Whole lots a kissing

Literally doesn't care where you guys are

He will kiss you anywhere

Loves to kiss your forehead because he doesn't have to bend down as much🤭

doesnt care if the members are there

Nobody ever questions it either

"youre my baby right?"

"jungwoo-"

"riGhT?"

"Yes...."

He does aegyo if he doesn't get his way

It works every time don't lie

Will probably sit on your lap for some reason

Hes not light

But if you can do it so can he

you guys never get into fights

Even if you do its never anything serious

"you fucking pushed me so u could win"

"false I accidentally bumped my arm into urs"

"whats accidental is the murder im going to commit"

"what?"

"What?"

Smh young love

Going shopping with jungwoo is like shopping with a kid

Will beg for any food he lays his eyes on

"Omg can we get cookies?🥺"

"only if your paying"

“*gently places cookie dough back* lmao cookies? Never heard of her"

No matter how tired the boy is he will always find time for you

Hell take you too your favorite restaurants and even if you insist on paying he wont let you

If you don't marry him I will

When you guys are walking in public he will always be holding your hand

Says its because he doesn't want you to get lost

But you know damn well its actually him who doesn't want to get lost😳

Jk you just know he wants to be close to you

If you make any suggestive joke he always knows how to counterpart it

Leaving you speechless like the members

When you guys are going to bed he has his arms wrapped around your waist

first thing jungwoo does before sleeping is giving you a kiss

Doesn't care if your asleep or awake

Then a quiet 𝐼 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢

Mark

i dont even know how to explain this relationship bruh

like its mark lee its gonna be a weird time

ok so marks actually hella nice

kinda bro or dude zones you but you do it back

theres a bunch of yo’s too

as someone who says yo a lot im happy i can relate to him

“yo youre doing that wrong though”

“dude im literally reading the directions, it said 3 cups of water”

“bro it says 3/4 oh my god”

yall cant cook 

taeyong wont even allow even you to help him cook

anyway marks special

but seriously marks actually a very gentle person with you

like legit is super nice to you even if you sometimes piss him off

marks probablys only been mad at you once then was like ‘its okay’

go to his practices cuz he loves that shit

he really likes when you are social with the members too

cuz then you guys are all friends and he can just bring you to places with them :D

this kid will literally not to pda in front of any member so you have to basically force him to just hug you

johnnys always making fun of you two and mark panics everytime while youre just like ‘yeah what about it’

compliment mark and hes blushing and squealing like an anime girl

inch resting concept 

“mark you look cute today”

“o-oh um..yeah thanks”

and this man can take compliments but with you its a whole new story

aight lemme get serious

marks mad sensitive 

so dont actually purposely make him mad, jealous, or upset

it would crush him

and he doesnt want someone like that in a relationship

cuz if he doesnt purposely do it to you, dont do it to him

take notes 

Haechan

hes a brat bye

would actually fight you just to get his way

makes fun of you on a regular

thinks hes cute 

hes not wrong

but actually he knows how to act mature when he needs to

like if youre genuinly getting upset with him, he will straighten up and quicky apologize, even give you a phat kiss and hug

might take you to get ice cream after if he really upset you

he can be nice

nah jk hes very nice and is a really energetic boyfriend

haechan always wants to do something with you liek go to the amusement park, go out to eat, or go shopping

sometimes makes everything seem like a hassle to leave and go somewhere with you cuz hes either lazy or playing video games

“cant you just go by yourself?”

“but what if i get lost”

“the ice cream place is literally five miles away”

“actually its seven so im gonna get lost”

hed groan the whole time just to be annoying but you dont care cuz you got your ice cream

if you go to any concert or practice, haechan always has to make things more sexy than they should be

like ‘fool’ became hella sexual and for what

its probably one of his favorites to make you blush

he loves your reactions

keeps him alive

hyucks always got something to say even at the most awful times

youre literally choking on water and he goes “ill give you something to choke on later”

and you have to cancel your dying session to smack his head

my guy has no filter

and he wont even hide that around the members

theres always that smirk on his cute ass face if he succeeds too

i have the sudden urge to fight him

[shreddedparchment]

Tamales and Christmas Lights

12/21/2020

Pairing: Steve x Mexican American Reader          Word Count: 6,838

Warnings: light smut, talks of having kids, language, drinking

A/N: This is the first time I have ever written anything for a specific type of reader. I don’t usually write for a specific race or ethnicity because I can’t speak as to the intimacy of living in that person’s shoes. By this I mean more of a family life. I’m eager to learn but for now, I will write what I know and that is a reader of my own background. I hope I don’t alienate anyone too much and that you all enjoy the story for what it is. There is a bit of Spanish in this one, but so long as you read all of the dialogue what is said is explained in English shortly after. Anyway, I’m SUPER nervous about this one, and it’s a little on the short side but I hope you all enjoy it. Thanks for your support! xoxo

“What do you do for the Holidays?”

Steve stiffens for a moment beneath you, bringing your gaze up to his sleepy face.

It’s so late and he’d only just got in an hour ago. Probably on the verge of sleep when you’d asked your quests.

“What?” There’s stress in his eyes and you’re sorry to interrupt the peace of the moment.

“Nothing. It’s nothing.” He rubs your shoulder, large hands trying to coax you back down onto his chest where you’d been laying with your head cradled underneath his chin.

“You’re lying. And you haven’t answered my question.”

Steve sighs and shakes his head, “Nothing. That’s what I do for the Holidays. I don’t do anything. I should probably change that since Buck is finally back. But I think I overheard Sam making plans to drag him to some party and I’m not up for that.”

“Oh…” You deflate, laying your head back on his chest but he notices the disappointment in your voice and he pushes you up again.

When you don’t move, he forces himself up, pulling back until he can rest against the headboard of your bed. You’re also made to sit up but Steve leans forward to guide you close to his body so that you’re practically straddling him.

“What did you have in mind? That wasn’t an empty oh.” He notices.

You shake your head, suddenly terrified to bring it up.

“Come on, baby, don’t leave me wondering. I’ll assume the worst.” He reminds you.

You smile, appreciating the way he reaches up to grab your chin and give your head a little shake. You probably shouldn’t like it but you love the way he makes these small gestures of possessiveness over you.

There’s something feral within you that purrs into submission when he claims you so openly. You’re his. Heart and soul. He knows it already even though it’s only been a few months of being together.

You fist his white shirt, wrinkling it as you pull him closer and kiss him sweetly despite the aggression in your hands.

There’s just something about him that makes you want to just squeeze him! Like that feeling you get when you see a tiny puppy or kitty and you just wanna hug it and squeeze it and love it to death.

He huffs a small laugh at your reaction, though he doesn’t understand it.

“What was that for?”

You lick your lips, kissing him once more before leaning back and releasing his poor shirt.

“You know you’re mine, right?” You ask him, eyes fixed on his pretty face.

You’re not a fan of the bruising around his left cheekbone, but the rest of him is just as perfect as ever.

“And you’re mine,” he assures you. “And if anyone tries to take you away…”

The implications are tantalizing but you don’t linger there. You laugh and shake your head, turning to the windows of his room to watch the heavy snowfall.

It’s freezing outside. It makes you shiver and you pull yourself closer to Steve, wrapping your arms around him by hooking them underneath his own. You ball yourself up in his lap as best you can and rest your head against his chest again as his own arms come back around you, large hands splayed out on your back as he rubs it to give you warmth and comfort.

“Why did you ask me about the holidays, babe?” he presses.

“I want to take you home with me,” that’s the truth. “My grandma has been asking me when I’m going to get married and maybe if they see I have a big strong boyfriend she and the rest of my aunts will leave me alone.”

Steve huffs another laugh, “Are they seriously asking you when you’re getting married?”

“Yeah,” with a nod, you push up again despite being completely at peace in Steve’s arms. “They’ve been asking since I graduated high school.”

“That’s odd,” he observes and you can see how it might be to others. “It’s always been like that in my family. My grandma got married when she was seventeen. Same for my mom. Had kids pretty quickly too. So, they’re kinda waiting for me to do the same. Because getting married and having kids is what I’m supposed to do.”

“Do you want to get married and have kids?” Steve’s hands stroke your hips, a small movement of passive affection.

He’s eager to give you all the touch you want in private but you know to keep things a little more tame in front of others. Steve isn’t big into the P.D.A.

“Eventually I guess. I don’t know. It’s not a question I feel like I need to answer right now. I’m a little more sure about the marriage than the kids but I’ve got lots of time to think about it.” you shrug.

“Yeah, we’ve got lots of time,” he asserts and your heart shoots into your throat, stomach twisting with fluttering wings that make it feel like you’re doing somersaults.

“We?” you smile, despite yourself.

“I wanna marry you eventually, I thought you knew that?”

“No,” you laugh.

“Oh, well now you know.”

“You can’t just spring that on me, Steve!”

He laughs now, hooking his hands behind your knees and yanks you closer. You’re right on him, and as you settle, you feel a familiar stirring between your bodies as the exhaustion of the mission wears off and his eagerness to show you how much he missed you becomes obvious.

“I think I just did,” he teases. “If you want to take me to meet your family, I am more than happy to come along. We have been together almost a year, it’s about time I think.”

“A year?” you gasp, realizing that it hasn’t been a few months after all.

Time with Steve is so much like a dream that it feels like it’s passed in the blink of an eye.

“Yeah, we hooked up in that closet off the shooting range on New Year’s Eve, remember?”

“Okay, first of all, hooked up? You’re spending too much time with Sam and Bucky.”

Your face heats up, neck burning and ears probably hot to the touch as the memory of you half drunk finding Steve alone in that shooting range.

You’d confessed recklessly and Steve had practically tackled you into the wall when he’d realized you were serious, despite being tipsy.

The frenzy that had followed that first kiss had been uncontrollable and he’d maneuvered you both into the bathroom and then pounded into you with you pinned between him and the counter.

You can still remember the shock of cold smooth concrete under your naked butt.

The next day, Steve had sought you out to tell you that he liked you too and that he wanted to take you out properly and that he was sorry for letting himself get out of hand the night before.

You responded by accepting his invitation but then luring him into your bedroom to ride him until he was breathless and groaning with satisfaction and you were twitching from reaching a third climax.

Your love with Steve has always been rooted in a very physical connection but over time, the emotional depth has increased exponentially and you’re best friends now, as well as lovers.

Now he’s here, remind you of that very beginning and telling you that it’s time to meet your family?

“You don’t have to go, Steve. My grandma will probably ask you a million questions and the rest of my family will be just as nosy and loud. We can get kind of rowdy when we get all together.”

The last thing you want to do is chas him off with an overbearing family, but at the same time...you love them! If he’s going to be in your life, he needs to accept them too, right?

What if he can’t? What will that mean for the two of you?

“Growing up it was just me and my mom,” Steve explains, stroking the length of your arms. “A big family is just what I need, I think.”

You watch him as he leans forward, his lips finding that stupid spot on your neck that always makes you melt.

As his tongue darts out, tracing a small circle, you absolutely collapse against him, arms wrapping up around his shoulders loosely, eyes very slightly rolling into the back of your head.

“Are you sure?”

“So sure,” he whispers, the heat of his breath raising goosebumps on your skin.

He pulls you down against his stiffened cock and you moan as he throws you back onto the bed.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Stop, you’re going to hurt yourself,” Steve urges, reaching over to place his hand in yours so that you can stop pulling and tugging at your own fingers.

“I’m nervous,” you admit, staring at the peach colored house with bright red trimming around every window and the bright red doorway. It’s absolutely covered in lights, twinkling in different colors. Traditional tiny lights but then around the tree in the front yard are huge bulbs, green, blue, yellow, and red.

They’re novelty lights? You’re not sure if that’s what they are, but you find them silly. Your grandpa’s idea probably.

Your grandmother’s house hasn’t changed one bit since you were little. The only thing that changes are the cars parked along the street, the large rose bushes along the front porch are bare.

Several green hard plastic chairs line the front wall angled oddly as someone had most likely been sitting there last night. Aunts and uncles, your mom and dad probably talking late into the night.

Even sitting in the car, with the engine idling, doors shut tight, you can already hear one of your aunts laughing her head off inside the house. The shouts of kids playing also reach your very normal ears. Steve must be able to hear everything.

“Do you think they won’t like me?” Steve worries, and now it’s your turn to turn and soothe his nerves.

“Oh, no, Steve. That’s not why. I know they’ll love you. I’m just afraid of what they’ll say. Or that they’ll smother you. I haven’t exactly told anyone in my family that I’m dating anyone much less…”

The two of you never talk about his official title. Who he is. Even though he’s retired in many ways, he’s still the first. Sam might be Captain America now, but everyone knows Steve as the original Captain America. There isn’t a person on this planet that doesn’t know who he is.

Normally, it doesn’t matter. To you, he’s just Steve Rogers. Super soldier, for sure, but just a man that swept you off your feet with his sweetness and kindness and okay, those damn shoulders and his ass is biteable. But he’s just Steve!

Your family will see the title first, you’re sure of it. They’ll see Captain America.

“Are they not big Captain America fans?” his teasing is gentle and innocent.

“Steve!” you shut your eyes and chuckle, “ I’m seriously so worried.”

“I can take it, hon. I’m a big boy. Come on, let’s get in there. I wanna meet your grandma.”

Suddenly he throws his door open and steps out of the car, shutting it off as he goes.

“Wait!” you gasp, scurrying to get out with him. 

You scamper around the car until you’re beside him and take hold of his hand. He pulls you towards the door confidently but you let go of his hand and rush forward before he can reach it.

Fixing your hair, you push the door open and are immediately assaulted by the smell of spicy menudo. It makes your mouth water. The smell of spices and pine sol. Fabuloso is mixed in there too, your mom’s idea to mix the two cleansers together and use them to make a unique smelling concoction that gets the linoleum floors cleaner than if you used one or the other.

The low sofas are covered in shining clear plastic, no doubt put in place by your grandma just before all the family began to arrive. The flat screen is decorated with a simple green garland, beside the TV console is a low table where the remote sits on a lace doily, underneath in a wooden pocket are several magazines and underneath the pocket on the base of the table sits a blue round tin of butter cookies that no doubt has all of your grandma’s sewing things instead of the treats it promises.

The house isn’t big. In fact, it’s on the small side. The large master bedroom is situated at the back of the house along with the bathroom, past the kitchen where you can see the light on all of your aunts sitting around the table exchanging their respective chisme and keeping their hands busy with something you can’t see.

From the hallway to your right where the only two guest rooms are located along with a second half bath come running two of your younger cousins. They’re children still, your youngest Tia’s kids.

They don’t even notice you as you stop walking, choosing to run instead towards the back door in the distance past the kitchen, master bedroom, and bathroom.

One of your other aunts, the second oldest, turns her head as they run behind her.

“Que chingaos les dije?! Stop running in and out or I’m gonna kick your asses!” She yells at them, but the kids ignore her and disappear through the door. It slams shut behind them.

“Lulu, no les puedes decir algo?! They keep running in and out of here like wild animals.” Your second eldest aunt demands.

“They’re just playing, leave them alone.” Your Tia Lulu waves her sister off.

To your right you finally notice the centerpiece of the living room, a huge christmas tree with red, blue, and green glass ornaments. The lights are white, twinkling in different patterns, tinsel covering every branch to an obscene amount. At the top sits an old porcelain angel that your grandmother had once told you she’d received from her own grandmother and had actually been made in Mexico by some nun at an old church that had been knocked down a long time ago to make room for a cattle ranch.

The base of the tree is almost completely obscured by the dozens and dozens of presents from very large to very small. Each one is addressed to one or other member of the family. The kids especially all get gifts from each of your uncles and aunts.

You take another step towards the kitchen only to be stopped again as the restroom in the hallway to your right flushes and from inside it emerges your grandfather, buckling his belt as he lumbers out.

“Grandpa,” you call to him excitedly and he whips his head up then beams at the sight of you.

“Mijita bonita, cuando llegaste? Aye, chula…” His words fade out as he reaches you with his arms outstretched and pulls you into a quick tight hug.

His large hands pat you on the back several times before he kisses your cheek. He brings his hands to your shoulders and pushes you back a little to get a look at you.

“When did you get here?” he repeats, and gives your arms a squeeze.

“Just now,” you begin, but as you’d hugged your grandpa had turned you around and Steve moves in behind him.

He meets your eyes, shrinking a little, drawing his shoulders in to make himself smaller in the very normal person sized house.

“Grandpa, uh, I have um...this is my boyfriend, Steve,” with one arm extended you gesture towards the super soldier standing by the door.

“Steve?! ¿Trajiste un gringo?”

Your grandpa whips around, searching at average height level for the white boy you’ve brought and finds himself face to face with Steve’s chest.

He adjusts quickly, finding Steve’s face and with a gasp, he slams his hand over his heart and laughs.

“That’s Captain America!” he laughs.

The declaration brings the kitchen to a pause and like dominoes all of your aunts rise one by one, moving into the doorway of the kitchen to catch a glimpse at the commotion in the living room.

More gasps follow and soon you can’t hear yourself think as they all break into a cacophony of excited chatter.

Your Tia Lulu is the first to shove her way through, as she’s the youngest, she smiles at Steve flirtatiously before shoving your grandpa out of the way.

“Move aside, dad! Hello, hi. I’m Consuela but everyone calls me Lulu. You can call me sweetheart.” She throws out her tongue as she laughs, a clear joke but Steve good naturedly takes her hand and shakes it, a shy but kind smile on his handsome face.

“Oh my God, Tia, stop,” you plead.

“I’m just kidding, werca fregada. Don’t get your panties all in a twist.” She swats at you while your grandpa retreats to the sofa where he must have been sitting before, stuffing fives, tens, and twenties into envelopes for the kids.

Grandma and Grandpa never get anyone anything. They just put money in envelopes for the kids.

As your aunts file in, all five of them, you wait until Steve looks at you to bite your bottom lip and mouth a quick apology.

He shakes his head, setting your heart at ease as your aunts circle around him talking fast and occasionally asking him a question or two which he answers readily.

“A year.”

“I’m not sure.”

“Well, I’m not Captain America anymore.”

“Consulting mostly.”

“Yeah, I-I have my own place.”

“It’s a rental.”

Your aunts gasp at that in particular, “Ooh, it’s a rental. Those can be so expensive. Did you get the insurance?”

“Uh, well, no. I didn’t mean, it’s actually one of Tony’s-Stark. He had it set aside for us when he found out we were coming to visit.”

The madness reignites at the mention of Iron Man and as they plunge into more questions, your turn just in time as your mom makes her way over to you.

“Why didn’t you call me?” she wraps you up in her arms and you hug her back, holding it for a little longer than you normally would but you’ve been so stressed with bringing Steve here that you feel a relief wash over you not only because she’s there to help you, but to finally have it happening means you can stop the anticipation.

“I’m sorry, mom. I decided to get him down here super last minute and I kinda wanted it to be a surprise. Where’s dad?”

“He’s out back with your tios. Drinking already,” she shakes her head but there’s no surprise there from anyone. “They’ve got the pit going. Chicken and fajitas to go with the menudo.”

“It smells so freaking good,” you laugh.

“Is he really your boyfriend? How long has this been going on? How come you haven’t told me?”

The hurt in your mom’s voice is subtle but you hear it and lament it.

“I was going to tell you. Every time I called. But at first it was too new and then after that I just didn’t know how to explain it to you. I know you hate my job. Now I’m dating a former Avenger?”

It’s her turn to look apologetic.

“Mija, you could have told me. I do hate that you put yourself in harm’s way, but that’s your job. No mom is going to like that.”

She takes a moment to glance at Steve, then with a flick of her eyebrows and a quick nod in his direction, she scoots closer, “Isn’t he like super old?”

You laugh and nod.

“He’s older than grandpa,” She laughs with you as you whisper, Steve giving you two a quick glance.

“He doesn’t look it,” your mom admits.

A tiny upturn to the corner of his lip tells you he can hear everything you’re saying.

“Is it serious?” She asks, letting you steer her towards the kitchen as her probing continues.

Inside the kitchen you find the entire kitchen table cleared of the usual place mats and ceramic Jesus centerpiece to make room for the bowls of masa, cooked seasoned pork and chicken for the filling of what will be tomorrow’s tamales.

At the stove you see your grandma a well worn lime green apron tied tightly around her waist and neck, huddled over the very tall and large pot, stirring and adding seasoning to the murky russet soup inside.

“I hope that has lots of posole!”

Your grandma turns at your voice and her face lights up.

“Mijita, chula!” she gushes, rushing forward to wrap her arms around you and kiss your cheek with a loud smack.

“Hi, grandma, I missed you so much,” you realize, hugging her tight.

“Por qué no nos dijiste que ibas a venir? Werca, cabrona!” she smacks you hard and you laugh, holding her hands as she pulls back to look at you. “You need to eat more.”

“Grandma, I’m eating fine,” you laugh, amused by the direction her thoughts go.

“She brought a boy home, mom,” your mom gives you away, then sticks her tongue out at you as she replaces her mother’s place at the pot.

“Mom!”

“You brought a boy?” she’s ecstatic! “A boyfriend?”

“Yes, he’s a boyfriend.”

“What’s his name?” she starts wiping her hands on her apron, cleaning them up to meet Steve.

“His name is Steve.”

“Es un gringo?!” her exclamation of surprise is just like grandpa’s.

“Yes, he’s white, does it matter?”

“Pos, no. It doesn’t matter, as long as he’s nice to you. Is he good to you?”

“He’s the best, grandma. He insists on taking me out every Friday to eat and watch a movie.”

Well, every Friday that you or he aren’t on mission. And it’s such a small thing but you know it’ll make her happy to know that he takes you out.

“Ooh, that’s good,” she approves. “Does he have a good job?”

“He’s a consultant where I work.”

“With the Avengers?” she gasps.

“Yeah.”

“A consultant? What does that mean? Is he a nerd?”

You laugh, throwing your head back, “He’s the biggest nerd, though he’ll never admit it.”

“Well, andale, let’s go meet your boyfriend,” she pushes you towards the doorway and you make to lead the way. “Is it serious?”

She whispers the second question, though you know that Steve will be able to hear.

Is it serious? “I uh…”

“Ayt! Don’t you all have husbands?”

Saving Steve from your aunts, your grandma moves forward and pushes and pulls and slaps them away from him, shoving them back towards the kitchen.

“Esos tamales no se van hacer solos.”

“Ow, mom! Stop hitting us,” your eldest aunt Margarita frowns.

“Magge, no te da verguenza?”

“Why should I be embarrassed?! Have you seen her boyfriend? Steve, do you like older women?” your Tia throws back at him as your other aunts push past you, patting you in the back and whispering congratulations at your luck.

“Technically I’m older,” he calls and everyone looks at him, not talking, apparently in shock at the fact that he truly is over a hundred years old.

“Oh my God, your boyfriend is Captain America?!” your grandma realizes, turning to slap your shoulder lightly for not explaining yourself.

Everyone bursts into laughter, the chatter moving into the kitchen as you join the laughter, Steve smiling from ear to ear as your mom rushes back out, eager to meet him.

Grandma pulls him into a hug and he gently returns it, smiling politely as she gushes over how handsome he is and how tall and then getting angry at you for not feeding him before admiring the exquisite shape of his body.

“Your grandpa had a body like this when he was young, mija,” grandma assures you. “I don’t know what happened.”

“Probably all the tamales,” you tease and she smacks you gently again before laughing in genuine amusement.

~~~~~~~~~~

You can’t find Steve anywhere. The kids are all inside, watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer in the living room, crowded around the flat screen with expressions that range from amusement to boredom.

Mostly it’s the older kids that are tired of the claymation film. They’ve seen it every year since they were old enough to sit up.

“Should I change it?” you wander in from the front, your Tias laughing as the door shuts behind you cutting the sound off.

One of the things you’d missed was the happiness that filled the house this time of year. Even though they fight like cats, it’s cats that are sisters and love each other deep down.

They always end up laughing again eventually. 

Your cousin Claudia sits up at your offer, “Yes! Put something else on!”

“No!” the littler ones revolt.

“Even if it’s Elf?”

You stop by the TV, remote already in hand and all of their eyes light right up.

“Okay, okay, put Elf!”

Their accents make you smile. Like you, they’d probably grown up speaking mostly spanish as a toddler and then as you’d started school, English had begun to push in as your default leaving you with a heavy accent for a few years.

Now it’s almost completely gone and only emerges when you shout angrily, or so Steve says.

As the opening narration begins, you catch Claudia’s eyes and give her the remote, “Have you seen Steve?”

“Captain America?” she smirks, getting a serious kick out of your choice of boyfriend.

But you’d also seen her all flustered when she’d met him. She thinks he’s hot and honestly, he is so you can’t blame her. At sixteen, she’s lost almost all of her bashfulness.

“Yes, Steve. Have you seen him?”

“He went out back with Tio, I think.”

“My dad?!” you gasp, already terrified of what they might be talking about.

“Yeah, he looked nervous. You should probably go save him from Tio’s interrogation.”

“Yeah, thanks,” you throw at her, already moving towards the back door in a hurry.

The inside of the house is toasty warm, especially with the tamales cooking and the menudo on low heat to keep it warm in case anyone wants thirds or fourths.

“Where are you going?” your mom asks as you pass by.

She’s sitting at the kitchen table, across from your grandma talking in hushed tones.

“To get Steve, Claudia said he was with dad.”

“Well, leave them alone, I’m sure he’s being nice.”

Your grandma laughs and you shove the door open and disappear back out into the chilly winter night.

Wrapping your arms around yourself to combat the chill that begins to set in, you scan the backyard and move past your tios sitting around the clearly diy firepit one of them had built for your grandparents, each one knocking back a beer in either bottle or can.

They’re not as loud as your tias but they’re still talking loudly, laughing and then arguing over the superbowl.

“No manches, guey. That linebacker doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. He should have stayed in Atlanta.”

You tune them out as you spot Steve and your dad standing by the table of barbecue a little further out by the back corner of the chain link fence.

Steve is standing with one hand on the tongs, flipping over some of the leftover chicken your grandma asked your dad to cook since someone will eat it eventually.

They’re talking, both in deep conversation until Steve smiles and seems to relax. Your dad, who stands at five feet, nine inches in height, has to reach up to clap Steve on the shoulder then smiles too, both of them turning their focus on the chicken.

“What the fuck?” you mutter, moving towards them with purposeful steps.

Both of them look up as you approach and immediately Steve hands your dad the tongs before moving towards you and peeling off his black leather jacket.

“Hon, why are you out here without a coat? It’s cold.” he says sweetly.

He can’t feel the temperature like you can but he can tell when you’re cold.

“Dad? What are you two doing out here?”

You’re so suspicious of your dad, worried he might be saying things to hurt Steve, but both of them look happy even.

“I’m showing him how we make the chicken,” your dad says innocently.

“Uh huh...sure you are.”

“He was,” Steve promises.

“I don’t trust you,” you say sternly, using one finger to point up into Steve’s ridiculously handsome face. “You’re just trying to suck up to my family.”

“Me?” he gasps, forced innocence on his face now too.

You narrow your eyes at both of them in turn, wrapping your arms around yourself again as Steve rubs them to try and warm you up.

“Come on, let’s go back inside,” Steve urges you, then turns to look at your dad. “Thanks for the lesson, Hector, I’ll keep it in mind for the future.”

“What lesson?”

“Never you mind, nosy. Come on, before you catch a cold.”

Steve sits you on the sofa once he’s got you inside and settles in pulling you against his side then kissing your temple before turning his focus on Buddy the Elf sitting in a bathroom singing with Zoey Deschanel as she showers.

“When did you sneak off to talk to my dad?”

Eyes narrowed, you watch him for any of his usual tells that he might be lying or hiding something from you.

So far, nothing.

“I didn’t sneak off. You were busy talking to your aunt and your dad invited to show me how to make the chicken. He was nice, serious about you. He wanted me to know that he’s got his eyes on me and if I hurt you all of your uncles will come find me and castrate me.”

He smiles wide, amused by this for some reason.

“It’s been a while since I’ve felt fear like that. Your dad really meant it.”

You’re not convinced but he reaches down to take hold of your chin and force you to look at him.

“Give me a kiss, pouty.” he requests.

How can you resist? You lean up and give him a quick kiss but then the kids say, “Ooooooh.”

You turn to them and throw Claudia a pillow but she laughs and catches it, leading the rest of them into giggles.

~~~~~~~~~~

The night grows older and everyone comes inside. As midnight approaches, the kids filter into their usual seats at the feet of their respective parents. Your six aunts and their husbands pile onto the sofas or linger in doorways, all attention diverted to the Christmas tree and the piles of presents underneath.

Your grandma and grandpa get center seating on the longest sofa, both of them ready with cash envelopes in hand for giving out as soon as the time comes.

Your dad on the other hand sits himself by the tree and while all of the adults talk amongst themselves, the kids are as quiet as they will ever be, little to teen eyes all trained on the pile of gifts.

“Mija, ven siéntate aqui. Magge, dale el asiento a tu sobrina,” your grandmother calls, waving you over to sit beside her.

Your aunt looks from your grandmother to you and then back, looking almost affronted by the request until your grandma gives her a face of deep annoyance.

Your aunt has a moment of realization, then sighs but begins to get up.

“No! Tia, it’s okay. I’ll stand. I’m alright here.”

“Don’t argue with me and get your butt over here,” your grandmother interrupts.

“She never sees you,” your tia reminds you. “Come sit here, I’ll sit on your tio’s lap.”

“Like hell you will, you wanna break my legs?”

“Callate lo sico, estupido imbecil,” she smacks him in the arm but then sits in his lap and he smirks as he wraps his arms around her waist.

Steve pushes you towards her, then leans down to kiss your cheek.

He knows you hate to leave him standing there.

“Go, sit with your grandma.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, of course babe. Go.” He kisses your cheek again then pushes you towards the sofa.

As you settle in, giving him another look of consideration, your grandma takes your hand and holds it gently plucking a smile from your worried expression.

“He’s okay, no one is going to take him from you.”

Not that you think anyone would, but it’s a common phrase among couples who are glued at the hip.

As your grandma’s old cuckoo clock chimes in midnight, your dad points at your cousin Claudia who gets up and quickly shuts off the living room light leaving all of you in the glow of the white twinkle lights.

As your dad begins to call out names, the kids scoot closer in excitement and watch as they’re each handed gifts after gifts.

Eventually the floor begins to fill with crumpled up wrapping paper and colorful bows and ribbon. Toys are yanked from boxes and the laughter begins to fill the room again.

Your aunts and uncles also get their names called and you don’t feel bad that your name is never called.

They had no idea you were coming and your Tia Magge leans towards you, “I’m sorry we didn’t get you anything, Mija. We didn’t know you were coming.”

“Oh, I know, Tia. It’s okay. I just wanted to see you all and bring Steve to meet you.”

As you gesture towards where you left him standing, you find him missing but think nothing of it as he might have just gone to the bathroom.

There are only two gifts left under the tree, one very large one which your dad calls out for your grandpa, and then he pulls a shoe sized box, wrapped in silver paper onto his lap but gestures at your grandma who lets go of your hand and begins to call names out and pass the envelopes with money to the kids.

Because you can’t stand sitting there any longer, the mess on the floor still growing, you get up and move into the kitchen.

Trash bag in hand you move back out to the living room and begin to stoop over and pick up the wrappings of all the presents exchanged tonight.

Your grandma calls out Claudia’s name and as the teen sits back down, your dad clears his throat.

“We have one more gift, and it’s for my beautiful daughter,” he says, shocking you into standing as he calls your name.

“Me?!” you gasp, completely in shock.

You hadn’t been expecting anything though you and Steve had definitely brought gifts for everyone.

Your gift had been the ability to see such bright smiles as they opened said presents.

“Here,” your dad holds it out and you let go of the trash bag as Claudia takes it from you.

With a quick wipe of your brow, you take the gift and look for a name so that you’ll know who to thank, but there’s no name.

“Open it!” One of the younger kids says with excitement.

“Yeah, rip it!” another urges.

“Rip it?” you chuckle, and rip it.

It is indeed a shoebox, but as you lift the lid and place it underneath, you find in the shoebox another box, slightly smaller, also sealed up tight this time in pink shiny wrapping paper..

“Oh my God,” you laugh, shaking your head in disbelief.

You open that box too, tossing the wrapping paper to Claudia who tosses it for you as you find yourself staring at yet another box, wrapped in green snowflake paper.

“What the hell is going on here?” you laugh again, tearing it open and finding a smaller one.

This goes on and your family laughs at you as you open box after box after box, until finally the smallest box is the size of laptop charging block.

“How the hell does anyone even find a box this small?!” you gasp, shaking your head as your shoulders shake with laughter.

You tear the last box open, discarding the bright red paper then open the top to find a small black velvet bag with a drawstring pulled shut.

“Finally!”

Your exclamation brings laughter from the room and as you pull the bag open, you turn it over since the room is in semi-darkness and you can’t see in.

Onto your palm tumbles a silver ring. Sitting on top is an emerald cut diamond, solitaire, that glimmers in the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree.

“What the-?” you start, but from the hallway behind your mom emerges Steve, looking nervous as fuck.

He swallows hard as he walks towards you, stopping only when he’s right in front of you then slowly, as butterflies tumble violently in your lower belly, he kneels.

“Oh my God…” you whisper, too shocked to speak any louder.

He says your name, clears his throat because his voice shakes, and you smile, on the verge of laughing or crying. You’re not sure which.

“In just about a week we’ll have been together for exactly one year, but I’ve known since you pulled that bullet out of my a-my backside and called me a big baby for whining about it that you were the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

“Both of us work in a very dangerous job but I don’t think I know anyone else who is as brave or strong or sure of themselves as you. I wasn’t sure what to expect from life after I gave up being Captain America.

“Suddenly there were an infinite amount of possibilities ahead of me and yet, not once did I think that marrying anyone would be the path I’d take. I’d given up on love, on the chance of a normal life, but you’ve woken me up. You’ve pulled me out of my past and with you I can see that future we talked about the other morning.

“I see my life as your husband and father to our kids laid out in front of us and I can’t wait to get started. So, I guess, I just need to ask?”

Your family laughs, reminding you that you two are not alone.

“You’ve always said that if someone proposed to you, you wouldn’t want it to be in public and well, these people are your family so they’re not public. They represent a life I would very much like to be a part of. I’ve had no one for so long, I want this family, so will you marry me? Will you let me be a part of your family?”

You’re in shambles. You’re sobbing, smiling through the waterworks as your heart pounds so hard in your chest and all of the oxygen threatens to leave your brain.

“Yes!” you gasp, and the room explodes with cheers and applause.

Steve takes the ring and quickly slips it onto your finger before rising and pulling you flush against his body. He kisses you eagerly, laughing against your own lips as you kiss him back just as passionately.

As he pulls back, an audible smack snuffed out by the roar of excitement in the room, you search his eyes for any form of doubt.

There’s none.

“Is this what you were talking to daddy about? Asking me to marry you?”

“It was the right thing to do,” Steve explains, and you feel vindicated in your earlier suspicions.

“Jerk!” you smack his chest but he pulls you in for another kiss.

The two of you share in the moment for only one more second before your grandmother is pulling you two apart so that she can hug you and kiss Steve’s cheek. Your mom is also in tears, hugging you tight as your dad hugs you both, then shakes Steve’s hand before pulling him in for a quick hug.

There’s a terrifying POP that sends you and Steve ducking from instinct, but you find your grandpa holding up a bottle of champagne.

“¿Dónde está la música? Turn on the radio! Let’s celebrate!” He shouts, lifting the bottle to his lips.

As the kids spring up and split up throughout the household to play with their toys, your aunts and uncles begin to pair off, swaying and singing at the very top of their lungs as Feliz Navidad fills the room.

Steve makes his way back towards you, swerving past your excited family until he has his arms around you again, pulling you in close until he can sway you to the beat of the music.

“I’m guessing the party is just getting started?”

“Oh, babe, you just gave them the fuel to go until the sun comes up.”

Steve chuckles leans down to kiss you again, summoning an encore of cheers.

[deliriumsdelight7]

More questions 😅 lol. 1, 8, 10, 13, 15, 18, 21, 22 (whichever you think of), 26, 27, 28, 29?

Bestie, you are now keeping me from chopping like 7 cups of veggies for dinner. I love it.

1. When did you start writing? How?

The first thing I ever wrote that made me realize that I loved writing was this short story I had to write in the third grade. I don’t remember much about it, except that it involved aliens and a really nice biker gang. In sixth or seventh grade I started writing (but never posted) Sailor Moon self-insert fan fiction. I was Sailor Sun. I had my own team of Sailor Scouts and we had a rock band. …Yeahhhh.

Later in middle school, I started writing a smutty story about a thinly-veiled self-insert and a sexy long-haired rockstar. It got smutty. My mom found it. The horror lives on to this day.

In high school I started writing Final Fantasy VII fic, and eventually started trying for OC that was basically thinly-veiled FFVII fic. I had this bright green three-ring binder that I wrote in. I took it with me EVERYWHERE - even slept with it - and wouldn’t let anyone look at it.

Then in college, the inspiration just… dried up. Completely. I wrote nothing else until about two years ago, when I started watching Once Upon a Time and fell in love with the chemistry between Robert Carlyle and Emilie De Ravin. I’ve been obsessively writing fic ever since.

8. Have any comments/tags/responses on a fic of yours ever made you laugh, cry or both?

I’ve never had one make me cry, for the simple fact that I don’t believe compliments when they’re thrown my way. If you compliment my fic, you are obviously mistaken or just being nice. That being said, when people yell at me for torturing the characters, I always cackle maniacally.

10. How many unfinished works are in your drafts?

Ugh. Too many. I’d put it at around 20.

13. Multichapter fics or one shots?

Multichapter. WHICH IS EXACTLY MY PROBLEM. I come up with fic ideas quicker than I can finish them.

15. Angst or fluff?

Aaaaaaaangst. Angst is easy. I struggle with fluff.

18. Which is more difficult, the title or the summary?

The summary! For titles, you’re gonna get a random song lyric, and you’re gonna like it.

21. Do you listen to music as you write?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It depends on what I need in that moment.

22. If you had to assign a theme song to [fic title], what would it be?

Um. I dunno. But I’ll give you the source of the title for “One More Time, Steal My Breath. It’s from the song “Kiss and Control” by AFI, off their Decemberunderground album.

26. Is there a specific scene or scenario you’re looking forward to most? (No, you don’t have to give away spoilers!)

Yessssssss. In OMT,SMB, Eddie and Chrissy are going to eventually have reason to return to Hawkins. *rubs hands together with glee*

27. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

Two, yes. One is unhappy endings. Any fic I start will have an eventually happy ending (Y’know, if I ever actually finish it). The other is reader insert. Can’t do it. Reader insert fics pretty much by necessity feature an utterly bland protagonist. Where’s the fun in that? That’s like giving me a Bud Lite when I asked for a microbrew stout, or a Twinkie when I asked for tiramisu.

28. Share a piece from one of your current WIPs!

Mmmmm I’m gonna hold off on this, only because I haven’t done my weekly Six Sentence Sunday snippet yet.

29. Best writing advice for other writers?

Try new things, but don’t be afraid to admit when something doesn’t work for you. Staying in your comfort zone will lead to your writing stagnating, but forcing yourself to write something that you’re not that into isn’t any better. If you’re forcing yourself to write something that isn’t doing it for you, that lack of passion will reflect in your writing.

Thanks for the asks!

[kyle-valenti]

burnout only feels like burning

2.7k / Summary: kyle valenti doesn't have the same quarantine as his friends; an exploration of kyle's trauma during covid as a doctor. (tw depression & other triggers you’d imagine with this subject)

read & comment/ ao3

A little like the virus itself, Kyle’s relationship with his mask begins with worry, annoyance, and then pain. He’s more than happy to have the proper N-95 mask as they begin to get their first case at Roswell General but then a couple more patients trickle in and within a few days his skin is irritated and itching. Maybe it’s the news, maybe it’s the texts from his friends that he’s increasingly missing, but when the Regiment starts spouting off about how COVID is a joke he thinks it might be affecting his nerves too. By week three his former red mark left by the mask has become a permanent feature to his face and by week five it’s not a mark but a bruise instead. Blisters and cracks in his skin litter his hands from over-washing. His feet become so overused the pads of his feet feel numb and bruised and he wears through an entire pair of shoes.

Positivity has fled from his life by week seven and now he’s inside of a survival mode he’s never experienced. He thought after last year he’d be used to anything the world (or universe, rather, given all these aliens) could throw at him. Now what feels foolish, he had believed that there was nothing that could be worse than the previous pain of losing a patient or finding out his father had experimented on people’s lives. 

When he’s out of ventilators and CPAP machines because Albuquerque needs them more and he has to choose whether or not to save the life of an eighty five year old or a thirty two year old he remembers from high school, he breaks.

 Guilt is one thing, grief is another, but the pure rage he feels knowing that Max Evans is out on the town patrolling as some fucking cop and not someone who could heal most of this hospital makes him want to commit actual murder. Maybe trading the blood of an alien on his hands would feel less heart-wrenching. But no. Max had brought back Rosa and had paid the price. Quelling his anger, he went back to work.

 He slept at the hospital most nights in the height of it. Sure the couch was rough, but it was better than the other on-call doctor beds down the hall. Three twelve hour ER shifts of a usual work week doubled to five days of thirteen hour shifts. Soon there’s a week where he pulls double shifts for an entire week when one of his nurses is urgently hospitalized herself. Hospital directors had left them with no PPE except contaminated masks to reuse. Maria, Isobel, and Rosa are in the forefront of a drive to make and donate masks to his hospital after some social media posts that he doesn’t even see until the cloth masks arrive and his medical assistants give him their handwritten note. It makes him smile, but smiling feels so foreign that he almost wants to break from that.

 Visitors are no longer allowed which means Kyle isn’t allowed to use his bedside manner to comfort the family of patients. He has to facetime mothers, spouses, and children and hold the phone over a patient who can’t breathe without machine assistance and pretend that everything is fine and that there’s still hope despite the hypoxia and lack of rising vitals. Ignore that if the patient goes into cardiac arrest more than once, the kindest thing to do given prognosis is to let the patient pass. Resuscitation and DNR (a patient’s begging request to not be resuscitated) becomes a word he uses in his daily work and not simply for intense surgeries.

 Exhaustion isn’t a deep enough adjective to describe the fugue state he goes into. File to file, room to room, ventilator to next… he isn’t surprised when his body starts to wear down. When he no longer feels hunger and instead feels all too hot and dizzy. Telling himself it’s just because of how much he’s exerting his body while covered in layers and layers of protective clothing doesn’t help the fact that he’s starting to have more trouble breathing as he walks the hallways at a fast pace. When he begins to cough, he does what he promised himself he wouldn’t do and drives out post-shift to the desert cabin of Max Evans.

 Part of him is too desperately tired to knock, but when he arrives on the property with the cop car idle and the house dark and at peace for the night, his fury greets him with the embrace of a long-lost friend. Knuckles pound at the wood and Max answers the door with surprise and a general look of defense, and Kyle tries not to immediately punch him in the face at the fact he looks like he had woken up from a comfortable sleep.

 “Heal me.” Kyle manages to spit out.

 “I—what’s wrong?”

 “Beginning stages of respiratory distress, fever, nausea—what do you fucking think?”

 “Kyle—,” Max starts to say, the hesitation deepening, and that does it.

 “No. I have not asked you for anything in all of this, Evans. Anything!” He shouts, voice hoarse. “Not when people got sick, not when they started dying, not even when we started having to let people die on purpose. And you know what? I wasn’t going to even come and ask you now, but I can’t get sick when I’m the one here fucking saving lives out of the two of us and you’re just cruising the streets handing out goddamn traffic tickets.”

 Max’s face isn’t stony like it usually is when Kyle’s yelling at him; this time it’s crushed and guilty but not nearly enough. “What kind of hours you work this week, Evans? A nice 8 to 4? Did you get facetime with Isobel or your mom, maybe binge through a few books and movies after you’re home? Did you sit down and eat a nice dinner and or go over to drink a few beers with Guerin since you can’t get sick? Even get a nice eight hours of sleep in your own bed in your nice quiet home?”

 No response.

 “I am not asking to sequence your DNA like Liz. All I am asking is for you to let me heal people since you don’t want to.”

 A night breeze is all that makes noise for a moment as Kyle catches his breath and glares at Max, who stands quietly but is staring down at his boots before he finally looks up and nods. Max steps forward then, and Kyle sees that his eyes are actually filled with tears. Temper deflating, but still not subsiding entirely, given that not much else is able to be done; Kyle lets Max place a hand on his shoulder and feels the extremely weird feeling spread throughout his body. Something more electric than anything else, which God knew made a lot more sense concerning his powers and how the body operated with electrical nerve impulses, but that is a train of thought better left for another day. He wants to just walk away, and he almost does, but he still mutters a “thank you” before he does so.

When his nurse dies a few days later and he watches as the staff double bag her body to take to the morgue, he escapes to his office and crashes on his couch with sobs. There’s no one here to support him. He can’t go to his mother’s home and collapse into one of her comforting embraces without risking infecting her. He can’t get wasted at the Wild Pony with Maria when it’s closed. He can’t visit Rosa or Arturo at the Crashdown. Keeping his friends and family safe meant keeping them away from him. Keeping them safe meant he needed to stop pushing his head into his hands to try and control the sound of his crying and get back to work at saving the lives around them.

He gets put on leave by the hospital administrator when he’s almost arrested for decking Wyatt Long in the hospital parking lot as the idiot stood outside with a sign rallying Regiment members to make sure the hospital was told it was killing people on purpose for the election. If Jenna hadn’t been the officer on duty he would have been cuffed and put on record, jeopardizing his license, but there was some self-preserving part of him that desperately wished for his practice to be over anyway. He’s not even sure how Jenna handles it, honestly, all he remembers is her dropping him off at his house from her patrol car like she had been nothing but an uber. No matter how angry and adamant he gets, his boss refuses to bend, saying it’s for his own good given the connections the Long’s have in the town and how Kyle has worked almost 74 of the past 76 days.

Alex is the first to visit him, unannounced. When the doorbell rings Kyle is mindlessly pretending to watch some tv show in his living room that’ll distract him from his consuming thoughts about patients, so he doesn’t get up to answer. He checks his silent phone to see if he was forewarned of a visitor but sees nothing. Unsure if it’s his boss or a patient’s family, he forces himself up onto his sore feet and opens the door after grabbing a regular mask off the coffee table. Black face mask on and standing further out from the door on the porch is Alex, the usual gruff hello turned into something soft. “Hey.”

Kyle heaves a sigh. He had wondered when the pity visits would begin. “Hey. You really shouldn’t be around me, you know.”

“I’m clearly a minimum of eight feet away in an open space while masked.” Alex smarts back. “Either way, I’m worried about you.”

Scoffing, he shakes his head. “Don’t fucking worry about me. Worry about getting sick, because if I have to see another person I care about die, I--,”

“Kyle.” the other says too kindly, the sort of pacifying voice Alex reserved for only the most dire situations. “I have no idea what you’re dealing with in specifics, but my experiences do overlap with yours in some places.”

“And?”

Maybe it came out a little too rude, because Alex raises a brow, but then sighs instead. “And I’m just checking in to make sure you know people care about you.”

“Thanks, Manes.” Kyle huffs in return, managing not to roll his eyes because focusing on being blunt and abrasive was so much easier.

“Just be careful.” Alex interjects before Kyle could close the door and turn back to his show. “Dealing with the trauma of what you’re dealing with gets dark very quickly.”

“Because I punched Wyatt Long?” he spits back sarcastically.

“No, because the suicide rates for healthcare professionals are drastically increasing along with the rates of PTSD diagnoses.” Alex says flatly, ever one to be unfazed by sarcasm. “And I’ve lost more active duty members to suicide than I have combat.”

Kyle pauses, caught. Maybe Alex had known he would be, because there isn’t some way he can give a smile and reassuring wave with him like he could his mother or Liz. While Kyle hadn’t actively thought of a plan, he couldn’t pretend he had noticed signs of depression the second he was alone in his house. 

“The quiet is the worst part, right?” Alex says, all but reading his mind. “Not always because of the flashbacks, although those are horrible, but because if things are quiet then--,”

“--people are dying.” Kyle finishes, his voice raspier by the end of the three words. “Yeah, well, mine still are.”

“They’re going to.” Is what felt like a cold response, but somehow gave Kyle the understanding he’s been craving. “They’re going to die and because of your profession you’re going to be able to save some of them. Which will make you think you’re responsible to save all of them and because you’re a good person you’re going to feel guilty in ways that no one will understand for being human and failing to.”

“Failing is all I do lately.” Kyle replies. “Usually the wins feel higher than the losses as a doctor, but with this-- and no one outside of it cares. They go outside and yell about how this is about a fucking election and when it’s not the patients, it’s the hospital pretending they don’t have enough money to buy us proper protection. Or the government saying this will all go away and that it’s just a light cold.”

Alex gives a small nod. “I know. I also know telling you the same advice that you’d give another doctor of trying not to burn out and instead taking a small rest is useless. So I’m just going to drop off these dvd’s and make you report back to me the difference when you’re done.”

Star Trek and Star Wars. Kyle finds a smile tug on his lips. Alex leaves with one on his as well.

When he gives a response to Alex a few days later on how Star Wars is better not more than a few minutes later Deluca is texting him with recommendations on joining her Buffy the Vampire Slayer rewatch. There’s something sweet about the fact that people have been clearly talking about him, even if definitely borderline creepy with how nosy his circle of friends can be, but he sighs and lets Maria add him to the group chat she has with Rosa and Liz where they review each episode after the fact and even chimes in every now and then. Isobel gets added not long after due to an Instagram story Maria shares and then the group has moved onto Friends after everyone shoots down Liz for suggesting Grey’s Anatomy on behalf of Kyle. Alex is also in there, even if it’s rare he chimes in with an opinion, but once they start Friends his commentary about how much he hates Ross that gets the entire group riled up does tend to make him laugh. Even Kyle agrees with Forest-- whose opinion had been shared by Alex-- that Chandler had all too many queer-coded scenes with Joey.

His mother facetimes him daily, which given how they both don’t exactly go out much starts to become monotonous, until she begins to give in and talk about memories she has of their father. Tidbits she never would have shared with him about their adult life when he was a child or teenager. He in turn facetimes Rosa and shares some of the memories of their father as well, which as much as she tries to pretend she doesn’t want for Arturo’s sake she clearly does with the million questions she asks every single time and the small smile she gives him at the end of their calls.

Liz updates him on her work which is a nice reprieve from everyone’s normalcy and lack of medical jargon sometimes, especially when she gives him inside info on covid vaccine studies not yet published to the general public yet. Everything in him wants this more than anything else in the world right now and he texts her almost every day asking if she’s heard more news even when he knows things take time. She’s a good sport about everything, even when he shares in a very angry rant about Max Evans and how they could have helped so many more people so much more quickly with his DNA-- however selfish that might have been.

When he goes back to work, he feels refreshed, even when it makes things hit like a freight train once more. Lost in a sea of inadequacy, his feelings extend past the pandemic. Even when things return to a level of normalcy and the cases subside he gets alien medical drama thrown in his face once more, and he starts to wonder if he’ll ever recover. If he was wrong to choose this calling. If the fact he can’t help Max or Maria is a sign from above or his father that it’s time to make some career move or change location like his mother and Liz. But, like he tells Michael Guerin. He can’t think he can face his future children and say he walked away from this. Or let people die by quitting, just like Rosa warns. And so he stays and tries to heal both other people and himself.

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Tabula Rasa

Tabula Rasa has 8 stories at Gossamer, but there are even more X-Files fics at AO3 and her website. She writes Mulder and Scully in a very lovely way. I've recced 3 of my favorites of her fics here before: Bird in Snow, Fall: East on M St, and Skuamorph. Big thanks to Tabula Rasa for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

I'm always extremely pleasantly surprised to get kudos (or, very rarely, a comment) on my old fic, but I'm always happy to see it! I did post them all (I think) to AO3. I'm not surprised people are still reading fic, though. It's an iconic show and now with streaming, it's really easy to watch older shows and natural to want fic about them!

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

XF was my first fandom, definitely my first online fandom, and so it will always have a special place in my heart. Also... I had a great time! I stumbled upon and joined the Scullyfic email list by accident, but it was the best thing I could have done. I learned a lot about how to be a writer and how to be in fandom, and those lessons are still important to me. Foundational. Also, in terms of modern fandom drama, XF was more low-key on the drama (although it didn't seem like it at the time!). But I learned something that's always served me well: find like-minded people, and hang out with them. Don't worry about the rest.

Also... you can't control the show, but you kind of can control the canon.

Because of Scully, I ended up taking a forensic anthropology class in university-- and now I have a Master's in a forensic science! Part of the Scully Effect, and proud of it!

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Definitely mostly email list! I never really got the hang of message boards. Posting fic was exhausting, and tbh I never figured out how to work Ephemeral. I checked it every day, though! I loved, after a new episode, everyone sending in their thoughts and reading everyone's experiences together. Fandom was a lot more work back then, tbh!

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

That fic can be just as good, or better, than traditionally published works. There are works of XF fic that have stuck with me for years now, far more than some books I've read. That fan writers can know the characters better than the show writers. The fandom in general was really smart, and mostly more adult than me (I joined fandom when I went away to college, so I always felt at the younger end of the scale. That was good though!).

Also, my first time reading and writing porn. Not gonna lie, I was shocked the first time I accidentally read smut. But I adjusted fast. lol

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I was still a kid (now we would say preteen) when the show premiered- I think in middle school. But I was already into ghosts, aliens, monsters, solving mysteries, and I'd already imprinted on the dynamic thanks to Square One (really)! I was also just old enough to start developing celebrity crushes. Hilariously, I did not twig to the fact that I'm bisexual the entire time I was in XF fandom, despite having enormous crushes on BOTH Mulder and Scully. Ahhhh!

Also, my whole family was into the show, but I was definitely the one with the hyperfixation. I used to take notes and record the episodes as I watched. It just had the right stuff and hit at the right time. And I've always been obsessive.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

As a kid I also really liked Star Trek, and someone had given my dad a book about the history of Star Trek, which I read. This included mentions of fandom and fanfic. As soon as I had a private-- and perhaps more importantly fast-- internet connection (in college), I went looking for XF fanfic, and that was that. Hooked immediately. Also I shipped them A LOT so that's what I went looking for.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I tend to not go back to a fandom once I have a new fandom, so I wouldn't say I'm in it. I did hang around the edges for the revival, of course, because I wanted to experience that with the same people, but since the revival was mostly not that great (with a few exceptions), I didn't get pulled back into it. But I still think of the people I knew in the fandom a lot, and always hope they're doing well.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I've never left fandom, and I've been in a BUNCH: Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Bandom, Supernatural, now CQL/The Untamed and other Chinese-media fandoms, with many smaller ones in between or on the side. I feel like at their core fandoms tend to be similar, although where you host the fandom makes a big difference: Livejournal, tumblr, twitter. I think that because fandoms now tend to be bigger and more diverse (which is good) there tends to be more wank (which is bad). In some of them I was close to a group of people, some of them not. Honestly the best thing is when someone you know from an old fandom is in your new fandom. It's so much fun. I have really good friends thanks to fandom, and I've had them for YEARS. Like. 15 years.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I tend to focus more on ships than characters, but some of my all-time favs: Scully, Hermione, Sirius Black, Castiel, Lan Wangji, Xie Lian. That's just fandom-oriented ones, otherwise we'd be here all day. :D

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I don't often rewatch episodes any more, although if I come across an ep on tv I might. I definitely still think about them though! For example, I'm a teacher now, and just a couple weeks ago one of my colleagues mentioned he'd heard the students saying they shipped two of their classmates, and he was like "Ship? I don't get it" and I was like "HOO BOY, do I have a story for you!" And I explained how shipping came from XF fandom, and why. That was fun. I definitely still think about Mulder and Scully too-- I mean, they're cultural touchstones, so they do come up sometimes in greater pop culture. Also, I was in Hannibal fandom for a while, and Gillian Anderson is still The Best.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I haven't read XF fic in years, even the ones I remember as being really significant/important to me. I still have my all-time favs saved on an external HD though! Fic in another fandom- every day lol.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Blinded by White Light by DashaK has stuck with me. Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the Ruby-Throated Warbler by I forget I'm so sorry -- that's lasted as my ideal post-canon MSR and as an interesting and different way to tell a story.  [Lilydale note: It’s by rah.] I was always thrilled to see fic by Brandon, JET, MaybeAmanda, Syntax6... and, frankly, everyone on the Scullyfic/ Emuse list. So many talented people in that fandom!

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Things Outside, which is the only thing I've ever written based on a dream, and I'm really satisfied with it. It was hard to write but so much fun to revel in the weirdness. I always kind of wanted to write more because I know a lot more about the situation, but otoh, I like the open, ambiguous ending (usually I am very HEA).

In other fandoms, King & Country in bandom (MCR) and in Supernatural I'm very proud of Hope and Clay. I struggle to write casefics even though I love to read them, but that one really worked out.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I don't think I'll ever write something new. There is an old fic that may be done but it was smut so I was too shy to post it at the time. In theory if I find it and it's decent, I could post it!

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I do! I write fic very slowly, but I do write still! I have a million ideas for stories, but I'm so slow at the actual writing part.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

I usually take a jumping-off point from canon, or of course, something I need to fix or expand on. Or sometimes I start telling myself a story as I fall asleep and the idea grabs me long enough I can manage to write it.

What's the story behind your pen name?

I was getting into fandom and realized people didn't use their real names. I flipped through my history book looking for inspiration, and decided tabula rasa was a great name for a writer. I tend to add an X because it's rare to get "tabularasa" as a username, and the X is indeed for X-Files (so I'm something like tabulaxrasa most places). I usually go by Tabula Rasa or Tab, though. And I still use it because 1) it IS a great name for a writer; and 2) it's not fandom-specific so I can keep it in every fandom.

I identify with it so much I have answered to this name in class (oops). I have a "Tab" t-shirt (as in the soda, but I have worn it to Comic-Con for ease of ID-- better than a nametag!). And my mom got me a necklace with a "tab" typewriter key as a charm, which I adore. Yes, I have accidental merch of myself.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

As you can tell from the above, my family knows (my family being my parents and sister). They are supportive! I think my mom read a couple stories? But obviously she has to know the fandom to get it... I got my sister into fic, and we even wrote a couple fics together (in Gundam Wing). She's a lot more selective about fandoms, but she's joined fandoms on her own, too. She's just not in one constantly, like me. :p

I tend not to tell not-online friends unless I have felt them out and know they're super fannish, or they bring it up first.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

Most of my old fic is now on AO3 and I hang out on twitter a lot, @tabula_x_rasa

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

I'm really glad people are still in this fandom! It will always be so important to me. Thank you Lilydale, for this nostalgia trip!

(Posted by Lilydale on March 30, 2021)

[metastablephysicist]

I really fell behind on the zoomester study challenge, catching up today (under the cut)! 

I’m struggling to work through some theoretical calculations on the structure of the isotopes that I study, hopefully I can work it out with my research advisor when we meet today.

Day 6 - Quickly! tag urself!

five am. ice cold water. watching the sunrise. healthy smoothies. skincare. reads often. friends with everyone.

ten am. iced coffees. always in a hurry. golden hour aesthetic. remembers the little details. loves old movies.

midday. mom jeans. picnic dates. thrift-shopping. pinterest. low-key insecure. obssessed with photography.

three pm. the color yellow. walks everywhere barefoot. oversized t-shirts. can make anyone laugh. a bit crazy.

five pm. warm smiles. classy. aesthetic instagram feed. anklets. soft music. yoga. face masks.

eight pm.  netflix. cuddles warm sheets. indoors life. loves singing but can’t. sweats. never sleeps.

midnight. driving at night. flirty. neon lights. wears a lot of red. neon lights. big sunglasses. karaoke.

three am. tired eyes. small sketchbooks. pressed flowers. stargazing from the window.

I’m three a.m. all of the way... although I really need to break the habit of staying up late.

Day 7 -  Some of your music faves right now (let’s say up to 5)

sidney gish - especially sin triangle.

death grips - I’m sorry for my music taste, I know they’re not for everyone, but I think it’s good study music. their best song is probably on gp.

daymé arocena - the whole cubafonía album is great, but especially la rumba me llamo yo.

souad massi - my favorite song of hers is ghir enta.

penelope scott - favorites: sweet hibiscus tea, cigarette ahegao, rät.

Day 8 - International Women’s Day! What’s your take on feminism?

if it’s not intersectional I’m not interested. 

also, I think that we’ve made progress with women and men being seen as equals, but I think it’s also important for femininity to be seen as masculinity’s equal. historically feminists have divorced themselves from traditional femininity, even to go so far as to claim that it is unnatural & all people that still embrace it are faking it or being coerced into it by the patriarchy. this has alienated many women who do enjoy expressing traditional femininity (and is also harmful to feminine-inclined people that aren't women). just something that’s been on my mind lately.

Day 9 - Write something that you’d like to tell yourself.

you're not going to write a perfect sentence, so just write an sentence. you're not going to write a perfect essay, so just write an essay. you can always revise later.

Day 10 - Tag someone whose aesthetic you love seeing on your feed.

the first person that comes to mind is @darkmacademia, her prints (like this calendar) are very pretty!

Day 11 - What’s something that you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t got the chance to do so?

I've always wanted to make some video essays (about history of science/physics & other interests that I have) and post them to youtube. it never seems like I have enough time to organize my writing and record myself.

Day 12 - Are you more into plant or flowers? What’s your fave type?

this is a confusing question because flowers are plants.. right? my favorite types of plants have always been epiphytes, specifically mini varieties of orchids.. they’re so cool. I have some mini & normal-sized phals; I would love to grow a sedirea japonica if i could find one.

[captainillogical]

Home Ch.1

The domesticity of living with an alien who hasn't quite had the chance at a normal life. 

Distant Lands sequel.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants​ 

thanks for still reading my shit, love you all

You slam the fridge door, taking a swig out of the bottle of water in your hands that you had just grabbed from the top shelf. It’s hot as hell out this afternoon, and you’ve just finished grabbing the last of your stray belongings to move across town.

“-and you need to make sure to keep your phone on, I’ll be sending you calendar updates to your current schedule. Things have been moved around twice for next week, so expect your lesson times to change again.”

“I appreciate all this Pearl, but you’re acting like I’m moving farther than 5 miles and a single warp away.” You say to the gem lecturing you off a list she’s made on her phone.

“I just like to be sure.” Pearl narrows her eyes at you slightly. “I know you’re capable of handling things on your own, I just worry.”

“You fret like you’re my mom.” You retort with an eye roll, taking another sip of water. Garnet grins at that, leaning against the counter. It’s just the three of you here in the kitchen.

“Well, I have known you for quite a few of your formative years.” She huffs, cheeks tinting blue. “I remember when you first responded to that ad Greg put up, you walked in and-”

“Pearl, oh my god, please no.” You cut her off, capping your bottle, it crinkling slightly in your hands.

“I think she’s getting empty nest syndrome.” Garnet says with a small chuckle.

“Y/N, you are sure about this, right?” Pearl ignores Garnet’s comment. “I know that living on your own can be fairly difficult as is..”

“We talked about this extensively yesterday, Pearl.” You sigh, giving her a specific look. “I’ll be fine. I’ve been through hell already enough as is, this will be a walk in the park for me. Besides, I’ve got Spinel.”

“That’s kind of what I’m worried about.” She replies, levelling her gaze with yours.

You try not to sigh out loud at her again.

Okay, so. Really, it's been less than a week since you've solidly been back on Earth. You can't reasonably expect Pearl of all people to be one for quick adjustment. But you did spend a long time with her the day prior going over all her questions about the surface of Golgotha for an updated gem archive entry she's working on. You were kind of hoping it would calm most of her worries about this in general, but you feel like based on some of your responses it might've made her worry even more. Not to mention paired with that incident in the kitchen the other day with Amethyst..

Even if it was a little painful for you for multiple reasons; like having to re-live terrifying moments in detail - it wasn't as painful as the BARRAGE of questions she pummelled you with about the nature of your relationship with Spinel once she got you alone. Fucking mortifying, that was, when Pearl had the audacity to ask if you two had been like this prior to coming back to Earth. You tried keeping much of it to yourself as possible as you aren't super well-adjusted to everything yourself. Like jesus fucking christ, Amethyst and Garnet accepted your text message without much question, other than a thumbs up from her and a solid wall of emojis and expletives from the shorter gem. And maybe a couple roasts about it that you're not going to mention. But they had managed to accept it without embarrassing you much, why couldn't Pearl be less.. Pearl about it?

“What do you think is honestly going to happen?” You retort flatly.

“Well, I don’t have-” Pearl stops to spare a glance at Garnet, who barely even reacts.

“Future-vision is cheating.” She says, lips still forming a wry smile. “She will be fine as long as she remembers to make sure the oven is off.”

“You’re gonna make me paranoid..” You groan. “And see Pearl? I’ll be fine.”

“If you say so." She says like she's waiting to be proven right somehow. You know her enough to not be offended by it. "You didn't forget about your stuff in the bathroom, did you?"

"Nah, but it's not like I won't be back, y'know, in-case you maybe find my missing rubber ducky." You say, feeling your stomach rumble. "And while I do love you both, really, I've got to go get some food in me and finish the lesson plan for next week.."

"Fiiine, go! Clearly we're just here to nag you." Pearl says with a bit of a huff, slight pout on her face, but you can tell she's mainly doing it for the dramatics.

"Don't be like that." You hold back rolling your eyes at her, even if you really want to. You grab the bag with the rest of your things off the counter, shouldering it.

"Did you give me sitting in and watching your first class any more thought?" Garnet asks, resting her hands on her hips. You can't see her eyes, but you know if you could she'd be studying your face for an answer. "It might help with the nervousness you're feeling."

"Yeaaaaaaahhhh," You let out a breath a bit nervously, having given that exactly zero extra thought. "I'm still pretty sure that you'd just give me performance anxiety. Give me a few more days to think about it."

You say your goodbyes for now, toeing your shoes on and heading out the door down to the beach below.

Ugh. It's hot, and so is the sand.

You should think about finally replacing your old car. You know, the one that died last year that Peridot said was worth more in scrap metal? You miss that old junker. You'd have to save up a considerable amount of money you don't have, but, ugh, you'll think about this later.

The breeze makes your hair fly into your face, and you're annoyed the entire walk over to town. Your stomach growls again, and you decide on pizza for your afternoon lunch.

It's kind of a no-brainer when your feet lead you to Fish Stew Pizza, and your hand is already on the door handle and opening it when you subconsciously realize a small hangup, possibly, just as the door opens.

Kiki's inside and manning the counter, and she's the only one in the establishment at all currently. You let out a breath of relief.

"Weeeeeeelcome." She greets you without even looking up from her phone.

"Afternoon'." You say in greeting, feeling awkward preemptively. Kiki looks up immediately when she hears your voice, and her facial expression is completely surprised at yours at first before she quickly schools it to more of a casual, neutral one.

Ah. Lars came through.

You see.. after that first day back you utterly loathed the idea of explaining why you're now pink to literally everyone else, and Lars offered to send out a couple quick informative texts. What a fucking bro. You should probably help him out sometime just for the effort alone.

"Y/N, it's good to see you." Kiki says, trying not to be too obvious that she's giving you a glance-over.

"Thanks, you too." You hear coming out of your mouth, the air conditioning of this place cooling you off rapidly. God you even SOUND awkward. "It's pretty empty in here for the time of day, that's kind of odd."

"Yeahhh, but I'm not gonna complain about it. I'm covering Jenny's shift right now and I'll take the slowness if it means I can just be on my phone.." She's staring at the scar on your face, and you feel.. weirdly self conscious about it.

"Typical Jenny. You gotta stop going easy on her." You reply, leaning against the counter.

“Oh, I wasn’t going easy. She’s doing my chores this week because of this, so actually she’s the one getting the short stick out of this. I had nothing planned with my time off.” She sets her phone down, and oh my god, she will not stop staring.

“Will you just say what you’re thinking and get this over with?” You spit out, impatient. She reels back for literally only a split second before leaning forward eagerly and getting right into your space.

“Lars wasn’t fucking lying, huh. That place messed you UP.” She reaches over the counter to touch your hair, and if it were nearly anyone other than Kiki you’d punch them in the face. But she helped you deal with her sister back then, so. “I saw you maybe a week and a half ago, and now look at you! Pink like Lars and with a giant scar on your face to boot! What didn’t happen to you there?!”

“I er, didn’t get the face scar there, and it wasn’t the only one I gained.” You say with a grimace. Your stomach growls again. “How much exactly did he tell you?”

“What!? I mean he told me about you being kidnapped by a deranged gem and that you died, but that was about it!” She replies, expression bewildered.

You sigh. God. Okay. That’s not the worst thing he could’ve told people. But he’s not making this any easier for you anyway.

“Listen, can I order a small plain cheese pizza? And then I’ll enlighten you.”

“Yeah, you got it.” She grins, getting this spark in her eye while ringing you up and even giving you a hefty discount. It’s why she’s your favorite sister of the two.

You move to sit by the window table, setting your bag down on one of the other chairs and pulling out your lesson notes.

You don’t really feel super up to this right now, but you should probably go over a few things by yourself that Pearl gave you some pointers on. You’re nervous, like really nervous about teaching this class, if you’re honest with yourself. But you also think it will be fun, and interesting, even. You’re only giving two hour-long lessons a week for right now, as the others wanted to see how well you’d fair. Your first lesson is in just a few days. Also, the class currently has 43 gems signed up for it, and that’s quite a bit of a hefty crowd.

You were expecting an interest of maybe.. 4 gems total. This is a little unnerving. You only have the one flier posted up with the other new classes on that board, so you’re guessing word of mouth was how it spread.

You feel your phone buzz a couple times in your pocket, and you pull it out to see who it is. When you see who the messages are from, you can’t help but feel a smile break out on your face that you have a hard time suppressing. Oh, and whoops, you forgot to reply to her earlier messages while you were being lectured by Pearl.

[14:13] Spinel: uuuuugh i just want today to be OVER please

[14:13] Spinel: i think bismuth enjoys sending me to help peridot like some kind of sadist

[14:13] Spinel: its like she knows i dont want to hear about camp pining hearts for the third day in a row? i get peridot needs assistance but i haven’t even seen this show and now i have no need to ever physically watch it

[15:42] Spinel: you can’t ignore me in person Y/N

[15:42] Spinel: i haven’t seen you in two days and this is how you treat me?

[15:42] Spinel: like an afterthought?

[15:42] Spinel: hurtful

You roll your eyes to yourself, still grinning. You can feel affection coming through the words even if that isn’t what they’re saying. You’re also ecstatic at the concept of the others getting on with Spinel quickly enough to annoy her on purpose now. You miss her face, and feel a little silly about it, considering it hasn’t even been that long. It sucks, but at least she texts you fairly often. And as of today, well, you get to live with her.

[15:43] Y/N: Rest assured, I can ignore you in person.

[15:43] Y/N: Dramatic ass.

[15:43] Y/N: I’m going to be seeing you in like, an hour anyway. Chill.

“Why are you smiling like that?” You hear, jolting upright in your seat as Kiki sets down your personal pizza in front of you with a glass of water. It smells heavenly. “You never smile like that.”

“Uh,” You reply, caught off-guard, and set your phone down. “Was just replying to something funny Steven said.”

“Sure.” She says in a tone that screams ‘I don’t believe you whatsoever but okay’.

You reach out for a slice of pizza and take a bite, cheese almost dripping all over the lesson plans in front of you. Kiki moves the papers aside for safekeeping, and you mutter out a quick thanks.

“So,” She starts, resting her chin on her hand. “You gonna enlighten me, or what?”

You finish chewing your slice of pizza, and grab another. And then you indulge her questions. All of them.

She has a lot.

You leave out all the details of what happened between you and Spinel, you’re really not ready to have those kinds of conversations yet. Dealing with Steven giving you shit for it has been more than enough to want it from anyone else, and you haven’t even told Lars about it - even though you told him you would whenever you finally confessed to her.

Also.. uh. You won’t lie. Between the both of you being pretty fucking busy almost right off the bat, you haven’t exactly, er. Had the girlfriend conversation with Spinel yet. Other than that one night, people are always around you two. You know you gotta just talk to her about it to clarify, but shit, you’re stupidly anxious about it. Part of your brain is literally screaming at you about being stupid about it, because sure, you had the most nerve-wracking love confession of your life and you two boned and also she definitely said she felt the same way, but what if this is just real casual to her?

Oh my god, you over-think fucking everything. Get it together.

You think not seeing her for two days in-person might be driving you nuts, a little.

"Lars didn't really tell me anything about Spinel. He gave me the jist of it, but told me to ask you for everything else whenever you seemed okay with it." She lets out a long breath, and you watch her eyes focus on you. "Imagine what would've happened if you weren't there with him that day. Do you think she would've killed him?"

"I'm not entirely sure. Honestly? She definitely had the strength to, but it doesn't really matter to me now. She wouldn't harm a hair on anyone's head." You reply, trying to not mull over the Spinel you experienced when you first met.

"You seem to have full faith in her." She states, a small smile forming on her face. "You didn't treat any of the other gems that tried killing Steven with any kindness for at least a month. You're less forgiving than Pearl."

"I spent a month with her alone on a planet, Kiki. I had to learn how to work with her, and she saved my life." You retort.

"Yeah, only cause you put yourself in danger for her." She narrows her eyes at you. “And you’re moving in with her today?” Kiki asks, expression a bit suspicious, smile still on her face. This makes you uneasy.

“Yeah?” You reply, confused. “It’s not that weird, is it? I moved in with Steven fairly quickly.”

“Yeah, except that was a different type of situation, you were a guardian for him. And this is you we’re talking about here.” She levels you with a look. “I feel like I’m missing something you’re not telling me. Like a key part to all of this.”

“L-like what?” You shove another slice of pizza into your mouth to shut yourself up. Not fucking today, dammit. Not today.

“I dunno, there’s just something..” She trails off, her eyebrows drawn together on her forehead as if she’s got a thought within her grasp. She looks at your hand, grasping your phone, squinting her eyes. She then shakes her head. “Whatever, you’ll tell me eventually. It’s not as if you’re sleeping with her.”

You choke on the slice of pizza you’re currently chewing, and violently so.

Kiki’s eyes go wide, and you put a hand up as if you can stop whatever thoughts are racing through her head. Her jaw drops.

“Wait,” You manage to choke out, gasping for air and finding it very difficult. You can't tell if you can feel your face going red from the lack of air, or from this conversation.

“Y/N.” Is all she says, voice dripping incredulously. “Y/N!”

“Kiki, you have the wrong idea-”

“I cannot believe you.” She says, mouth still open. She’s got half a grin on her face like she’s just unearthed the most juicy gossip, and you are SO not here for this. "Wait until Jenny hears about this."

"Kiki!" You wail, and sputter out another cough. "Kiki you can't tell anyone!"

"Why not!?" She cackles. "And besides, I don't even know if she'd believe me anyway. Y/N of all people?!"

"Tell her, and I'll tell Sadie you had a crush on her for a year." You spit out in a panic.

"You wouldn't!" Kiki narrows her eyes at you, face of mock betrayal.

"I would. Watch me." You state, grabbing your phone off the table pointedly.

"Okay okay! Sheesh." She puts her hands up in surrender. "So you gonna tell me the dirty deets or what?"

"No, I don't kiss and tell." You scowl at her, but she doesn't seem put off by it at all.

"Knowing you, that doesn't surprise me." She grabs your glass of water, taking a sip of it. You're not even annoyed. "Guess you and Greg have something in common."

She laughs at her own joke, and you can't help putting your face in your hands and groaning loudly and dramatically. It only makes her laugh harder.

"Shut uuuup." You sigh, grabbing the glass of water from her and taking your own sip.

The two of you talk for awhile as she grills you about Spinel, and you share what you're comfortable with. Eventually, she gets a family of customers in that she has to attend to, and you busy yourself with what you had come here originally to do.

Time passes and you lose track a bit, until your phone vibrates on the table and shakes you out of your concentration.

It's a couple texts from Spinel.

[17:04] Spinel: it'll be a while until I'm free

[17:04] Spinel: there were some ISSUES apparently

You stare at your phone. You try not to be irritated at the situation.

It's not like you haven't seen her in a hot minute or anything. You weren't eager at all to be able to see her face or hear her voice. You sigh, and text her back.

[17:05] Y/N: It's fine.

You stare at your phone for a little bit, but she seems busy enough to not have the chance to respond quickly.

Fuck it, it's not like you have anything else to do. You're tired of the papers and notes in front of you. Might as well make your way over to little Homeworld and wait for Spinel to be free from Peridot's tiny demon hands.

You pack up, and make sure to say your goodbyes to Kiki, who yells at you to text her as you leave the shop.

It doesn’t take you that long to get to little homeworld, and thankfully you know where Peridot is usually working as of late.

You pass by the town center, and the glass in some of the taller buildings glare in the evening sun. There's quite a few gems around, working and building, many conversing with each other. There's a couple humans intermingled with them as well. The general atmosphere is pretty lovely here. You like it.

A Rose Quartz bumps into you on the sidewalk and your bag flies off your shoulder, spilling the contents onto the ground.

"Ah! I'm so sorry!" She spins around, arms out to make sure she didn't shove you off of the sidewalk as well. "I'm just so clumsy." She says, pushing her long pink hair over her shoulder and grabbing for your things on the ground before you can even think to scoop them up yourself.

"It's okay, I wasn't exactly paying attention either." You reply, grabbing the papers that flew out of your bag and onto the street. Thankfully, nothing's damaged. She hands you your stuff, and you place it back into your bag. "Thanks."

"It was mostly my fault anyway." She grins lazily, and you watch her eyes wander around the area of your face where you have that scar. "Hmm, I feel like I've seen your face around here before. You hang out with Steven?"

"You could say that." You smile back at her and shoulder your bag. She's got this way about her that makes you think she's analyzing you, but not out of judgement. "Why?"

"No reason! I'll see you around, cutie." She says with a sly grin and a wink, and you're standing there feeling completely taken aback. Your face heats up a little in embarrassment. That was.. okay. Whatever the hell that was.

You keep walking, mind wandering as you try to figure out what the hell that gem's deal was.

You manage to spot Bismuth near a building with more scaffolding than anything else, and she's huddled with Peridot, Lapis, a couple quartz, and Spinel. You won't lie to yourself when your heart does a little summersault in your chest when you spot her magenta twintails.

They're talking loudly and animatedly about something you can't manage to hear from this distance, and you don't bother to get any closer. You duck into the entryway of a nearby building less than a hundred feet in distance from them just to linger for a moment.

One of the Quartz says something, and they all erupt into laughter, and your eyes are trained on no one but Spinel. There’s something about watching her like this that makes your heart swell, and you feel a bit ridiculous over it. You feel your phone buzz in your pocket, and you tear your eyes away to check it.

It's a message from Steven.

[17:37] Steven: can I ask you for a favor? It's not work related.

[17:37] Steven: Connie's parents invited me to dinner

[17:37] Steven: hELP

You stare at your phone, feeling your face break out into a grin. Someone tries to get into the shop you're standing in front of, so you side step to move out of the way momentarily.

[17:38] Y/N: Haha oh buddy.

You look up after sending the message just to make sure you're in no one's way, and you happen to see Spinel just as she's turning her head in your direction, aaaaaand she's spotted you.

Her face brightens up immediately.

She says something to the others, and most of them turn their faces to peer at you. Your face heats up, and one of them cracks some kind of joke that makes half the others howl in laughter as one of the Quartz slaps Spinel's back in jest.

What the fuck are they saying?!

She manages to disengage herself, waving a couple loud goodbyes as the others let her go. It sounds like they make another joke at her expense, they all laugh as she runs to catch up to where you're waiting for her.

She groans as she reaches you, bringing her gloved hand up to her forehead to shield her eyes from the sun.

"What the hell did you say to them?!" Is what comes out of your mouth instead of a greeting. You glare at the others, and you can’t tell if they can see your expressions, but they sure are howling with laughter.

"Well hello to you too," She replies, cheekily scratching the back of her head. “And I didn't say a word! They just.. kinda figured it out?” She says sheepishly, cheeks coloring a bit. “Guess I talk about 'ya a lot, eheheh..”

Oh my god, ugh. You think you're going to have a heart attack, probably. She's looking at you like she’s holding back a lot of affection. Probably for your sake?

One of them catcalls at the two of you, and you hear another whistling. You feel your eye twitching, but the smile doesn't leave your face.

"No, really, what'd you tell them?"

"That you're my girlfriend, you idiot, because they basically knew that already." She retorts with a roll of her eyes. She grabs your hand, and you feel your face heat up even more. "Let's get 'outta here already."

Well. That answers all your insecurities.

You look forward to the next upcoming days.

[ambivalent-anarchy]

Yo Momma

Masterlist

Gender: Female

Pairing: Peter Parker x avenger!reader

Warning: None

Was just randomly thinking about how each avenger would react to a yo momma joke, hence the name of the one-shot

There's like 0.2% of fluff in this really it's just an avengers crack fic

(Starts in the first Thor movie)

---------------------------------------

You first met Thor of Asgard when you were just nine years old.

Of course, you hadn't known who he was at first. No one did. He was just another new face at the little diner your mom loved until he smashed a mug on the floor while yelling, "This drink, I like it. ANOTHER!"

Your mom always taught you that it was rude to stare, but at this point the entire diner went quiet as everyone watched the man with long blond hair who, though he was wearing normal clothing, looked so out of place.

Even once the diner went back to normal, you couldn't keep your eyes off of him.

"Mom, that man's weird," you whispered as you watched the brown-haired woman in front of him attempt to explain why crashing a cup is wrong, which he was obviously not seeming to understand.

"Don't stare, [Y/N]," she said. "I don't know what his deal is but we're not trying to find out, okay?"

"Okay," you replied, still finding it hard to keep your eyes off of the strange man.

"Now I'm gonna go to the restroom, alright. While I'm gone, stay in your seat and mind your business," she ordered. "I don't need to come back having to rip you from the hands of a giant."

You nodded. "Yes ma'am."

The second she left, you looked back at where the man had thrown the mug to see that no-one had picked it up. Frowning, you walked over with your hands on your hips. "Excuse me," you said, tapping the man on the shoulder, gaining his table's attention.

The brown haired woman smiled. "Awww, hi sweetie!"

"Are you going to clean that up?," you asked, pointing towards the mess on the floor.

In return, he scoffed, pushing your hand off of his shoulder. "Go away, little girl."

"My momma says you look like a giant," you noted.

Another woman at the table, this one in glasses, snickered. "Well, she wasn't wrong about that."

The strange man rubbed his chin as he looked down on you. "Little girl," he called out with a small scowl. "Have you no mind of who I am?"

You tilted your head. "Uh, what?"

The brown haired woman laughed nervously. "I already told you, Thor, or whoever you think you are.. no one knows you here."

"Thor's a weird name." You crossed your arms and gave a childish glare. "And you have a weird voice," you added.

Thor rolled his eyes, somehow becoming as emotionally invested in the argument as you, a child, were. "You're a weird, tiny, little girl."

You stuck out your lips. "You're mom's a weird, tiny, little girl!," you yelled back before walking back to your booth. Once there, you turned your body around in your seat. "In fact, your momma's so ugly, she went into a haunted house and came out with a job application!"

"Oh, shit!" The brown haired girl and her friend laughed as they watched Thor's face turn red.

"You keep my mother's name out of your filthy mouth, you-"

Your mother walked out of the restroom and grabbed your hand to leave the diner. "Come on, [Y/N]. Ready to go?"

You shot a shit-eating grin back to Thor's table, having gotten away with your little bout of disobedience, before turning back to your mom. "Yes ma'am."

If only you knew that diner experience would come back to bite you in the butt much later...

~~

You were sixteen when you met Thor of Asgard, again.

"Don't be nervous, kid," Happy told you as you watched the elevator numbers go up. "They're not really that intimidating. Plus, we just got a new kid and he's your age, so you'll be fine if you just keep your head on straight."

"Okay," you mumbled, tapping your foot on the ground anxiously.

It wasn't long ago when Iron Man found you while he was flying through New York. He hadn't even noticed you at first, but the pure energy radiating from you was jamming J.A.R.V.I.S.'s system and well, normal people don't just have pure energy radiating from them.

You discovered your power when you were twelve years old. It was something you hid, until he found you and decided that you didn't need to hide it anymore. Where he would take you, you could actually be yourself, powers and all.

You were going to be meeting the Avengers. You were going to be an Avenger.

"Seriously," Happy groaned. "You're actually heating up the entire elevator. Calm down."

"Sorry," you said, only just then noticing your fingers were lighting up. You took in a deep breath, focusing on calming your nerves. But there was one thing that was just bugging you.

The day the Avengers first saved the world, it was broadcasts EVERYWHERE. Everyone knew who they were.

And it totally was more than just a simple shock to you when you recognized the face on your tv screen.

The guy literally bashing aliens to smithereens was the guy who was at the diner. The guy who'd saved the earth several times since then was that guy.

And you joked on his mom right to his face.

"Question."

"Shoot."

"Does Thor have good memory?"

Happy's brows drew together at the random question. "Uh, I dunno. Why exactly?"

You shook your head nervously. "No reason."

The doors of the elevator opened and you were met with the largest, more than likely most expensive living room you've ever seen (and will ever see) in your entire life.

Sitting on the couch was a teenage boy. A really cute teenage boy in a striped button up shirt. At the sound of the elevator opening, he turned his head from the tv screen to look over. His eyes lit up in recognition at seeing you and he immediately ran over.

"Um, hi!," he greeted. "My name's Peter. Mr. Stark told me to give you the tour when you get here." He held his hand out for you to shake.

The second your palms touched, he immediately pulled away, a yelp of pain coming from his lips. "You're hands are like- REALLY HOT!"

"Oh, sorry!," you said, giving an apologetic smile. "I'm just really nervous."

He held his hand carefully, holding it by his side. "So I take it you have fire powers or something?"

"Pure energy," you corrected. "I can manifest it from my body into these really big blasts and stuff."

"That's super cool!"

You blushed. "Thanks, but I'm still learning to control it. If I get too emotional, it gets pretty bad."

Peter smiled, placing his hand on your shoulder (which was covered up with clothing). "Well, that's what we're here for, [Y/N]. To get better."

He led you down the hall, showing you different rooms and all the places you were allowed to go in. You even had a room of your own. One you could customize however you wished. Needless, to say, you knew you'd enjoy your time there.

And on top of it all, Peter turned out to be just one big ball of perfection. He was sweet, he listened, and holy crap was he cute.

"So," you asked. "What's your power?"

Peter's mouth curved into a smile. "Follow me." You followed him to a room that wasn't too far from yours. You chuckled, noticing how giddy he was being as he unlocked the door.

He led you into the room and you gasped as the first thing you laid your eyes on was a big Spiderman graffitied onto the wall of the room.

"Holy cow, dude. You're Spiderman!"

"Yep," he answered with a smirk. "Oh! And now that you're one of us, that means you get to make a name and have a cool suit too! You're gonna love it here-"

"Parker, is that the new recruit?," a new voice broke in.

You noticed that Peter immediately stood up a bit straighter, so you followed suit as you looked at who the man was. "Uh, yes sir, this is [Y/N]."

Your eyes went wide. "You're Captain America!," you gasped.

He nodded in return. "Steve. Nice to meet you. Come on, come meet the rest of the team."

You gave a nervous chuckle as you walked forward, following wherever Steve was leading you.

"Hey," Peter said, nudging you in the arm. "Relax. They'll be really nice."

You nodded. "Mhmm. Hey, question." He turned, giving you a helpful smile. "Does Thor have a good memory?"

He chuckled. "That's an oddly specific question. Any particular reason you ask that?" Peter looked at you jokingly. "You didn't flip him off in the street or anything, did you?"

You shook your head. "Nah. Not exactly."

Peter gave you a questioning look as the two of you followed Cap into a large dining room.

You looked around and there you saw every single avenger you'd ever heard of. Hawkeye eating a turkey burger. The Winter Soldier and Falcon seemingly playfully arguing over some tv show. Tony frickin' Stark running his fingers through some little girl's hair. Black Widow sitting at the dinner table having a peaceful conversation with some guy with glasses that you couldn't recognize.

And of course, Thor sitting in a seat facing away from the door, nursing a mug in his hand.

Just like last time, you thought. You sucked in a breath. Fuckkkk. Please don't remember me.

"Hey," Peter whispered. "You're getting really hot right now. You should relax."

"Oh," you said, taking another deep breath. "Thanks."

Tony looked over from where he was sitting. "Well don't just stand there. Introduce yourself, [Y/N]!," he yelled.

And slowly they all turned towards you, even Thor. His eyes met yours and your eyes met his. His face lit up in recognition and immediately all of the words fell out of you as you found yourself running to him.

"I'm SO so sorry okay?!?!? Look, I know I KNOW- believe me I do- that I was SUCH A JERK b-but... you gotta UNDERSTAND okay???? I was only NINE and I was stupid and dumb and would say just about ANYTHING at that age - but I mean you gotta admit that youwerealsokindofajerktoo- BUT I MEAN THAT'S TOTALLY FINE OKAY??? IT HAPPENS. IT'S NATURAL!! But like please PLEASE DON'T SMITE ME Mr. Thor I'm SO SORRY I'll literally do ANYTHING!!"

You were breathless when you finished your frantic apology, staring desperately at the God of Thunder with large 'please don't kill me' eyes.

The rest of the room was silent, everyone either waiting expectantly for what was next to come or silently conversing with their eyes, all basically saying to each other 'what the heck was that'.

Thor stared back at you, his expression unclear.

"Thor, anything to say to that?," Tony called out, having no idea what had just happened but being extremely amused nonetheless.

The long, blond haired man furrowed his brow and slowly placed his mug down on the table in front of him. He looked back at you and smirked.

"Tell him the joke," he said, pointing at Tony.

"What joke?," Natasha asked.

Thor chuckled. "When she was a smaller human, this girl and I met at a diner. She spoke very rudely of my mother. It wasn't until Jane explained to me what a 'your mother joke' is that I fully came to appreciate it."

"Dude, you joked on Thor's mom?!," Peter exclaimed, half-shocked, half-amazed.

Thor looked back at you. "In retrospect, it was quite hilarious."

You stared back, jaw hanging in shock. "Y-you're not gonna kill me- I-i mean, you're not angry?"

He laughed as he pointed towards Tony again. "Do him!"

You looked to Tony who was sitting back in his chair, holding his arms up in a "bring it on" fashion. "Uh...um, your mom's so ugly..she-ah.. she went into a haunted house and came out with a job application..."

Peter gasped. "You said that to THOR?!"

You blushed. "Look, I'm not proud of it either okay?"

"Oh we're gonna get along nicely, kid," Falcon, who you would soon come to know as Sam, snickered.

"So do you actually do anything or are ya just a smartass?," Rhodes quipped, causing you to immediately mumble some choice words under your breath.

Tony nearly cackled. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Nothing," you lied.

Peter coughed. "[Y/N], your eyes are kind of glowing."

Bucky looked to Bruce. "I think you're gonna have to work on anger with her or something, bud."

"No wait really, what'd you say?," Tony said, still laughing.

You shook your head, but everyone was staring at you again. Ugh, might as well.

"...your mom's so old I told her to act her age and she died..."

[rotationalsymmetry]

General gripes about DS9 and gender (some spoilers) (content notes: some references to sexual abuse/trauma, and specifically spiritual abuse/sexual misconduct in religious leaders, also death/murder):

I swear to fuck these people do not know how to write female characters without shoehorning them into romance plotlines. (Or weird fucked up stuff, like when that Cardassian serial murderer kidnaps Kira.) Especially noticeable with Ziyal -- when Kira takes her to DS9, the writers apparently can't think of a single thing to do with a young woman other than ship her with a much older Cardassian. Then, she's starting to get her own life and make a name for her as an artist, and they fucking refridgerator her. The fuck. (And: the focus is on how her death affects Dukat, that fucker. Which, obviously sure it's going to affect him...but it's also going to affect Kira, who sees Ziyal as like a younger version of herself and was trying to protect her. And then Ziyal dies. That should have some sort of effect on Kira! And did no one else on the station make any sort of connection with her when she was there?) This is arguably not primarily a gender thing, but it is partly a gender thing: the show keeps demanding Kira find sympathy for her oppressors, over and over again. (This is a gripe fest: of course there's a lot of things about Kira's character that are done really well.) She keeps getting thrown in situations that show (some) Cardassians in more nuanced lights and that more or less force her into relationships with them, while meanwhile her old resistance cell friends all get killed off, her parents are dead, if she has any other family we don't hear about it, and she's basically left with no Bajoran friends even, as far as we know. She gets Bajoran lovers who... OK, about that. First, Vedek Bareil. Now, Bajorans are shown to have a pretty relaxed attitude towards their clergy (eg Kira is frequently rude to Winn even after she becomes Kai with apparently no consequences) -- but still. Vedek is roughly equivalent to, what, cardinal? He's high up in the heirarchy. And, he's put himself in a role of spiritual authority relative to Kira: she gets access to one of the Orbs through him. They've got a power imbalance and one that's connected to Kira's ability to do her religion. I don't care what the social norms are on Bajor that is 100% sexual misconduct on Bareil's part. If something went wrong in their relationship, it could fuck up Kira's connection to her faith. And in the show it's presented as no big deal.

(Star Trek seems to be aware of this when it comes to ship's captains! For all that Kirk notoriously fucks everyone, he never voluntarily (/outside of the mirror universe, outside of odd transporter malfunctions that split him into two parts, etc) came on to a crew member. But it's no less important for religious authorities.) (Also: this has nothing to do with celebacy. I'm fine with Bajoran religious figures being allowed to have sex and being allowed to have sex outside of marriage. But: a religious leader having a sexual relationship with someone who they're in a pastoral relationship to is wrong, and while Bareil isn't exactly Kira's pastor I think there is some level of, he's providing spiritual guidance to her. That means she's off limits to him, or should be. In the same way that bosses shouldn't fuck their direct reports, college professors shouldn't fuck their students, therapists definitely shouldn't fuck their patients, etc. Regardless of how they handle their sex life outside of those restrictions. And regardless of whether there's love involved or not -- romantic love absolutely does not make it better.) And then there's Shakaar, the former leader of her resistance cell. That she joined as a teenager. It's...yeah, it's been many years, yeah she's not directly under him any more, and yeah goodness knows a band of resistance fighters is probably not going to have a clearly written up sexual harassment policy so it's not necessarily unrealistic...it's not as blatantly "oh god no" as Bareil, but it's got some...is anyone thinking of potential abuse of power issues here? Anyone?

There was one episode where Jake and Nog were double-dating and it goes badly due to Ferengi, uh, gender roles not meshing well with Federation egalatarianism. And, then the rest of the episode is all about how they're going to repair their friendship. And I was thinking: we didn't see either female character either before or after, and why is a sexism issue being shown from the lens of "how can I, a nice guy, stay friends with my male friend who has sexism issues" and not "how am I, a young woman, going to deal with this affront to my basic personhood" or "how am I, a young woman, going to repair my friendship now that I talked my friend into a double date so I could date the guy I liked but his friend turned out to be garbage?" Like...out of all the potential relationships there, why is Jake's friendship with a guy with sexism issues (who's made it clear he's not going to change, at least as far as dating goes) the one presented as being in most need of preservation? I know, it's because Jake and Nog are more central characters and their friendship has been significant in the show for seasons now. But...that just brings up more questions. Like why does this show have a significant bro friendship between two teenage boys, but there's no friendship between two women (or between a woman and a man for that matter) that's given as much weight? There's some bonding between Kira and Dax, but it doesn't have the same presence and significance as Jake and Nog or, say, Miles and Julian. (I'm having first name/last name inconsistencies here. Ah well.) Keiko has no on-camera friendships. Kira has no on-camera friendships that have Jake & Nog or Julian & Miles weight. Dax maybe does with her Klingon buddies from Curzon's lifetime. (Benjamin Sisko also doesn't.) Ziyal could have, but doesn't. Molly could have, but doesn't. Miles doesn't seem to have any (on-camera or otherwise acknowledged) parent friends (like...there's one couple mentioned who can babysit Molly at times? That's it? We never even see them?), which is weird because fuck knows parenthood can make it hard to have any friends who aren't parents. Odo's got his weird frenemy thing with Quark. Garak has his standing lunch with Julian (if you read that as platonic, which ... yeah, there's not a lot of arguments for seeing it as platonic beyond "they're both men.") I am, don't get me wrong, extremely for showing male friendships. Very much for it. It's just...I want friendships that aren't between two guys also. And I want them to be shown as significant and meaningful and worth overcoming obstacles for. Friendships between women, friendships between people of the same race or culture (or alien species, since we are talking Star Trek here), friendships between men and women that aren't just a precursor to romance. And...parenting that isn't just...I want to see Keiko have problems with parenting that she overcomes with help from other people. I want to explore the emotional ramifications of Kira being a surrogate mom to Kirayoshi or being a semi adopted mom to Ziyal and then having her die. I want Kira to talk about how her own upbringing in times of famine and war and occupation affects her sense of her ability to potentially be a parent. I want a female character to calmly talk about her decision to not become a mother and have that decision be treated with the utmost respect. I want the sort of struggles that male characters have with parenting on the show, like Worf's difficulty connecting with his son or Benjamin's conflict over watching his son grow up and get less interested in spending time with his dad, be shown for female characters as well. And the joys, like when Benjamin remembers holding Jake as an infant, like when they reunite after Jake gets caught in a war zone. Rather than parenting be this thing that mom characters apparently do on autopilot without any internal conflict or feeling out of their depth or particular moments of joy and amazement. There's so many plot lines and moments and bits and pieces that could be amazing moments that give

mother characters balance and nuance and characterization, but they only ever get shown for fathers. (And this is not just Star Trek either...look at all the kids movies that are about father/son or father/daughter bonding, and somehow the moms...just aren't there. It's so good when there are single father storylines, just...where are all the mom storylines that could be like that?) And why do teenage boys get focus and their own stories (especially with Jake in DS9, but also TNG has Wesley Crusher and Alexander, and TOS had one story centering on a teenage boy) but girls either aren't there at all or don't get to have stories that are about them? Ziyal's stories aren't about her, she doesn't get to form her own friendships and only barely gets to develop an interest of her own before her life is taken away from her. Molly doesn't get stories that are about her. (And yeah, Molly's a lot younger than Jake, but those are still choices: DS9 could have been set when Molly was a teenager, or the show could have introduced a different teenage girl as a significant character, or Jake could have been a girl rather than a boy, or Benjamin could have had two children...)