#i try to get myself to at least eat like. 2 eggs a day

[spectrearia]

lol i wish i didn't hate eating so much, its always so difficult to just get myself to eat Anything even if i really, really need it. idk why.

[dragonanon]

Tfw when you're trying to limit the amount of calories you're eating, and you realize just how absurdly high calorie most things are.

[moshpitgamma]

This was probably asked a lot but can we get a part 2 for Family Reunion?

YESSS FINALLY SOMEBODY HAS REQUESTED IT AGAIN🥹💗💗 I know this was requested to be up again HEAVILY so I now announce

Family Reunion Pt. 2

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: Language, Angst to Fluff

🥹💗🙌🏾TAG LIST: @syraxnyra @cheshirenjp @g-l-1-t-c-h-3-r @insomniacticartist

Ps. It’s 50/50 proofread😔🤘🏾💗

—————————— ————————————————————dff

3 years earlier...

“I don't care no more JD. I will really walk out of this resort and leave again if that’s what you want .” I said, grabbing my helmet from the nicely made table.”

“So much for a Family Reunion.....Hope we meet again, but on better conditions.”

That all happened 3 years ago and you haven’t spoken to your brothers ever since. You felt bad for walking out again, but you knew JD was tired of seeing you and basically still called you a mistake. They looked so happy together and they all looked so confused to see me. I knew my h/c hair looked a little pale and had started to age on me, but was I really that dierent?

All those questions were swirling in my head like a blizzard. I was trying not to let it get to my head, but it stopped when I heard a little cute and tiny voice.

“Mommy are you ok?” my daughter asked me.

“Yea im ok sweetie just a little shaken up that's all.”

I didn’t want my little rose to worry so I only told her I was just lost in thought. I knew she didn’t fully believe me because she came up to me and rubbed my cheeks.

“Don’t cry mama it’s gone be ok” she said as she smiled and rubbed her small s/c hand onto my face. My little Rosie is courageous just like her papa/mama (you can pick their gender and what type of troll they are) but unfortunately they died while Rosie was still an egg. So now I'm a single mom with an amazing kid. I would've told Rosie that she has uncles, aunts, and cousins, but I just don’t know how she will react.

“Maybe i'll tell her once she’s from school” I thought to myself

“Ok Rose go on and get ready so you can get on the bus for school hun.” I said in my sweet voice while I headed downstairs to start on our breakfast.

“Ok mama!” Rosie screamed as she made her way to her room in our two story pod.

It has been 15 minutes and now me and Rosie are currently eating our pancakes/waes, bacon, and assorted fruits, until we hear a knock.

“I'll get it mama!” Rosie said as she took o from the table. All I did was mumble an ok as I started to finish up my food and get on washing our dishes. I knew Rosie was on her way back when I heard her little quick-paced pitters of her little feet running back to the dining room. “Mama It’s a letter in gold” Rosie said astonished at the elegant and gold adorned letter. “Let me see, Rose” I say as I puzzledly grabbed the letter and started to open it. “It’s a letter from the Queen of Pop?!” I say in a confused but excited tone. “What would she want with me? I haven’t even spoken or seen her before” I say more confused as I try to put two and two together. “It says to come to her palace pod tomorrow with a suitcase with at least 4 days worth of clothes.” “Mama, are we gonna go?” Rosie asked me as she jumped up and down excited to see a queen in person.” I don’t know hun, but we need to hurry up if you’re trying to go to school” I say in a hurried tone as I tried to rush her outside to get on the bus. Right when we stepped outside the bus pulled up. “Bye babyyyy!” I yelled at her while she got on the bus “Bye mamaaaa!” Rosie yells back before she gets on and takes a seat.

“Now that she’s on the bus let’s go get sum errands done” I thought aloud.

(TIME SKIP)

“I finally have the pod clean and some groceries in the fridge so now time for a little relaxation.” While I was planning on fixing a little movie day for myself I suddenly saw the flash of gold in the corner of my eye. “Oh yea the letter” I thought. I gathered my snacks, started the movie and picked up the letter to inspect it further. “Why does the Queen want me?” “I hope I haven’t broken any royal law or something that I didn’t know about.”

Before I could continue my thinking session, I look over to the time and see that it’s around the time Rosie should be getting home. “Guess I might as well head outside” I say aloud to myself. As I opened the door I saw my little girl running towards me with a big smile and excited to see me again. “How was school hun, Are you hungry?” I asked her as i'm ready to prepare her some fresh blueberries and strawberries as a treat. “Yes momma I am and school was sooo fun.” She told me as she grabbed her bowl full of fruit and went to sit on the couch.

“Momma have you decided yet?” Rosie asked me as she suddenly appeared beside me to put her bowl in the sink. “How- Huh- When- Anyways what are you talking about baby?” I asked slightly surprised at how fast she finished her fruit AND how fast she showed up beside me.

“I’m talking about the letter momma.” Rosie said as she tilted her head. “Are we going to see the pretty Queen tomorrow?” I didn’t want to ruin her spirit, so I said yea and watched as she dragged me to her room to pack.

TIME SKIP TO THE MORNING (Sorry yall)

“Wake up hun we have to get ready to go over to the palace.” I shook Rosie so she could get ready. “Ok mama” Rosie said as she got ready.

After we got ready we started to head towards the palace

“Do you think she will let me wear one of her crowns, mama?” Rosie asked me as she daydreamed of the once-in-a-lifetime request. “I don’t know, baby, but are you excited?” I said as I let my little excitement show. “OF COURSE I AM!!” She screamed as she ran further ahead to the Queen’s pod. All I did was chuckle and hurried to catch up to her.

Once we finally made it to the palace, we were greeted by some guard trolls. “Ahhh Miss Y/N, The Queen is waiting for you inside. Would you like me to escort you?” The slight green guard asked me. They seemed to be a little taken back to seeing a child with me, but they decided to ignore it. “Of course, I would love that.” I said as I let them lead me into the huge pod.

Knock Knock Knock

“Your Majesty, Ms. Y/N is here, just as you requested.”

The guard said as she led us into a bright room where the Queen and some of her guards sat. “OMG it is sooo nice to finally meet you. Well oofficially meet if you really think about it.” The Queen said as she ran up to me.

“Awwww and I see you’ve brought a little guest with you too.” The queen said as she smiled giddily like a kid. “Your Majesty, it is a pleasure to meet you too and this is my daughter, Rosie.” I said as I watched as Rosie grow excited and nervous little by little. “Oh I didn’t know Branch had a niece and please just call me Poppy.” “Wait- You know my brother?” I asked Poppy as she looked at me in disbelief. “Um- yea Branch is my boyfriend”

“Wait- so how do you know ME? And why did you send me a letter to bring extra clothes?” I was confused and perplexed as to why THE Pop Queen wants me and how she knows that I was related to Branch. Branch didn’t even know about me and yet she still found me. “Mama who’s Branch?” Rosie asked me as she heard me ask Poppy how she knew my brother. “Honey I’ll tell you later, but right now me and Queen Poppy have to have a very serious conversation” “Ok mama” She said as she went to mess with one of the female guards.

“Look, I hope I'm not coming of disrespectful or anything, but please tell me why you need me.” I looked at Poppy desperately for an answer. “Branch wanted to see you and wanted to finally meet you and he wanted you to be in his life again.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and only nodded and swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. My little brother wanted to finally meet me. “I know it was weird to get a letter from the palace, but I really wanted to surprise Branch with his Older sister that he has never met before, except for that time you came to Bruce’s diner and surprised us all.” She rambled on and on, but you stopped her before she could continue. “Poppy- it’s ok and I'm glad Branch wants to see me.” I said as I watched a small smile formed on her face. “Looks like we’re right on time” Poppy says as she hears a few knocks from the gigantic doors.

She looked towards the enterance me and Rosie came through. Right then I couldn’t do anything, but stare at him.

He was a tall dull blue troll with blackish/dark bluish hair. “Branch?” I said as I felt the tears fall o my face. He looked just as shocked as I was. “Y/N...”

Before he could finish I ran and gave him the biggest hug in the world. I felt my shoulder getting damper by the second from his own tears, but I didn’t mind at all. “Oh spirits! It’s so nice to finally and properly see my baby brother besides having to stare at a blue decorated egg.” I said pulling away from him and moving his face around like he was a tiny little kid. (Kinda like what Clay did in the movie) “WHAT!” A loud scream was heard in the corner. Coming up to Branch was your daughter with a hung open mouth. “MOMMY HAS A BROTHER?!” Rosie screamed as she looked between you and her uncle. “Yes hunny I do” I laughed at my daughter's confusion. “Wait, you have a daughter?” Branch asked me as if he couldn't believe that he was an uncle to other kids besides Bruce’s. “Yes I do and Her name is Rosie.” I said as I looked at Branch’s face from my daughter’s name being named after our late grandma. “That was nice of you” He said to me before excusing himself to go talk to Poppy.

“GUESS WHO’S BACK” a loud deep yell was heard. “Ahh Fuck” I said out loud without realising.

Once I said that you could’ve heard a penny hitting the floor.

“Um surprise” Poppy said as she looked between me and JD and the tension in the air. “Um Rosie how about you go with Aunt Poppy and Uncle Branch while me and you Uncle JD talk.” She was stunned AGAIN for me dropping ANOTHER secret uncle onto her. Before she could go and bombard us with questions she was pulled out of the room with Branch and Poppy. I didn’t notice my other brothers being in the room with us too until I saw them backing out of the room also.

“Why are you here?” JD asked me, crossing his scarred arms and raising one eyebrow. “I was invited by Poppy. She helped me and Branch properly meet each other.” I waited for him to say some dumb crap about me, but it never came. I was ready to walk out of the room, but slight hiccups and snies were heard from the older man that was across from me. “What the-” “I'm so sorry Y/N. I never meant for you to leave. I was to caught up with trying to hit the family harmony and I totally fucked it up.”

HE was apologizing....

After so long..

I didn’t know how to feel and I only stared at him with a mix of shock and disbelief. “It’s hard being the oldest and ever since mom and dad left, It’s just been me. I shouldn’t have lashed out on you. You were never the problem, but when you left the pod when we were younger, it had done something to me and had made me live with regret ever since.” He meant every word, as his eyes started to become bloodshot from the constant streams of salty streaks running down his eyes.

“I get if you don’t want to speak to me ever again bu-”

It went silent…..

Jd was being embraced. You felt like everything was complete. He finally apologized and wanted to make things better. “I forgive you.” You said with tears in your eyes. “Thank you” was all he could muster up as he held onto you like his life depended on it. Everything was great until the door was busted wide open by one particular person. “BROZONE ARE MY UNCLES! AND MY AUNT IS THE FREAKING QUEEN!” Rosie said as she ran to me as if I said no more candy forever. Clay and the rest of them walked into the room ready to ask questions and hang out and I couldn’t wait to tell them everything “Guess the Family Reunion did happen again” I said as I looked at JD. “And on better conditions like you said”.

I HOPE YALL ENJOYED AND IM SO SORRY FOR MAKING YALL WAIT WEEKS FOR THIS STORY😔I NEED TO DO BETTER BUT I HOPE YALL ARE SATISFIED

[blehhhhhsthings]

Spathodea voice line notes

Morning vl: Alright... I tried many times to swallow three raw eggs in the morning, but all the attempts ended up failing. Maybe... maybe I should use some sugar. Will it make them taste better, like pancakes?

-spathodea dear why are you eating raw eggs😭?

Bond morning: Vertin, would you like to try a new hairstyle? Like boxer braids... Look, I 100% respect your choice, but are you sure you don't want to give it a go? I've been thinking how perfect it will look on you...

-that’s so cute also why is Vertin just the resident barbie of the suitcase? Or well ken of the suitcase for that matter she is always being dressed up by someone😭… honestly can’t blame them she’s just so handsome

-imagine just a Vertin fashion show where multiple people dress them up to see who’s design looks the best(spoiler it all looks good on her)

Night: I know a professional boxer should say no to junk food, but... sometimes I just can't control myself at midnight and I have to get up for a scoop of ice cream. When I do so, it tastes even better than usual.

-I imagine this is vertin finding her in the middle of the night and she having to explain herself

-P.S. vertin let her go and she ate ice cream until she fell asleep in vertins office while they do their paperwork

Bond night: Hey, hey! Wake up, Vertin, wake up! I was sleeping in my room and started to sneeze like crazy, and then I saw something pop into the window... It's mushrooms! From Ezra's room! They have filled up his room already and are still multiplying! We gotta do something, or the suitcase will become a mushroom garden!

-the suitcase was almost turned into a mushroom garden

-where the hell was ezra during this was he just passed out in his room?

-spathodea’s room is near ezra’s room

-also spathodea dear let Vertin sleep their a chronic insomniac and they haven’t slept all week they really need to sleep please 😭🙏

Sleeves and hands: Cold compress, physical therapy, rehabilitation care... I've mastered all the skills I need as a junior nurse! It's quite something, I know! But you gotta understand anyone can master them, like breathing, as long as they suffer enough injuries.

-spathodea knows how to treat physical injuries caused by sports

Clothing and torso: Whoa... No, haha... It tickles... Hahaha! Oh my... I-I have a strange feeling of deja vu. Something like this happened before, but I don't remember what it really was...

-Vertin tickles spathodea

-also in ulus voice line vertin also tickles her but like why is Vertin tickling them in the first place

Hobby: On the day my coach told my mom "what Spathodea will be dealing with as a professional boxer" ...I-I dreamed of Ulu that night, and her heat woke me up with a dry throat. So I went to get water, and I saw Mom sitting in the dining room alone, looking at my collection of the Uluru photos... Anyway, the next morning, she told me she would be supportive no matter what my decision would be.

-so you have a mother, A supportive one at least 😃

Intimacy: Wow, I've never had any chocolate like this! Emm, I mean, it's not the best chocolate I've had, of course. The best one has something to do with a special moment that means a lot to me... While this one, I like it simply because it's appetizing... So, can I have one more?

-vertin and spathodea enjoying chocolate together😊

Chit chat 2: Wait... Wh-What is it that you're holding? A piece of paper from my... bag? Aaaaah! That's my report card! Stop reading!

-don’t worry I’m pretty sure vertins report card was the same so they can’t even talk.

That’s all I found interesting:D bye 👋

[girlprincess]

☼ How I’m Achieving My Dream Summer Body! ☼

I want to start by saying all bodies are summer bodies, and I’m extremely proud of my body 100% of the time, regardless of what it looks like! It takes such good care of me and deserves all the love in the world! <3 I’m framing my goals as “achieving a dream summer body” to make the process fun and desirable for myself! It’s a way for me to give myself motivation to be more consistent with things that are difficult for me because I love the ~aesthetic~ of the idea 😂 You are worthy no matter what your body looks like, and please remember to always care for your body with love and tenderness! Anyways, here’s what I’m doing to achieve my dream summer body:

- Eat 2 eggs a day. This is a super easy way for me to incorporate more protein every day with a food that I really like but don’t eat that often! It’s super easy and quick to make 2 scrambled eggs for breakfast everyday, and because I love eggs, I will (hopefully) be able to stick with it as part of my morning routine!

- Drink 1 protein shake a day. This one is a little harder than incorporating eggs because I don’t love protein powder! But, I think I can do it if I put my mind to it and mix it with things that I like, like maybe turning it into a smoothing with my preferred milk, fruits, yogurts, etc! This will be an amazing way for me to get more protein in throughout the day in a simple and time effective way, so I’m motivated to try to stick to it :)

- Move my body mindfully everyday in a way that I like! This is a daunting task because I’m so not athletic! But, I’m not limiting myself to strictly working out, I’m also counting stretching, yoga, dancing, and walking. My goal is to mindfully move my body at least once a day in a way that feels good, so it can range anywhere from gentle to strenuous movement!

- Eat more meals that incorporate veggies, beans, legumes, and fruits! Usually, my dinner is the only meal during my day that is well balanced and includes these types of food 0.0 which is so sad because they make me feel so good when I eat them! I usually eat variations of breads, cheeses, and yogurts for breakfast and lunch but I think incorporating more veggies, beans, legumes and fruits with those meals would help me feel better in both body and mind (and maybe help me focus better on school and work during the day)!

☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼

[soie-lux]

Looking Back at My 2022 Goals: Leveling Up Mentally and Spiritually in 2023

As 2022 comes to a close, take some time to reflect. Look back at the goals you set at the beginning of the year. How did you do? What are some things you wish you would've done differently?

My goals for this year were:

I honestly didn't look back too much at this list throughout the year, but I can thankfully say many of my goals have organically been incorporated in my routines and daily life bit by bit as the year went on.

It doesn't matter if you started working towards your goals January 1st or December 1st, all that matters is that you had the discipline to start. To implement every single one of your goal's January 1st can be overwhelming to some, and discouraging when you fail to keep up the habits, which is why so many people drop their New Year's resolutions in the first 2-3 weeks. You don't have to sprint towards the finish line the second the new year begins. Be gentle with yourself. By implementing your goals slowly and gradually into you daily life, you are more likely to keep up with them.

One of my goals for 2022 was to do some form of joyful movement at least 5 days out of the week. I found pilates, stretching, and daily walks worked best for me rather than going to a gym. I want to be able to enjoy life freely for as long as possible and that means taking care of myself and my body. During the summer months, my 5am morning walks and pilates were Godsend. It required serious discipline to get to wake up so early, but it was so worth it! I feel so much stronger and energized! This is a habit I definitely want to carry into 2023. I wasn't consistent with my daily joyful movement it until May, and that's okay! Starting later is better than not starting at all.

Setting limits on social apps has really helped decrease my screen time. I've definitely noticed the less I spent online, the better I felt mentally and my mindset regarding online/media spaces has shifted drastically. I don't feel the need to be in the loop when it comes to the latest trends of what's "in" vs what's "out." No longer am I caught up in the happenings of celebrity and internet culture (the less you check into trending topics and gossip blurbs, you'll find yourself caring less and less about them, trust me). I noticed the more time I spent obsessing over social media and trying to fit into a specific aesthetic, the less I was able to truly be myself. Get off the internet and learn about yourself!! Forget about trends, what do you like to wear? What do you like to do? Don't let the internet fool you into behaving in a way that makes you feel artificial. Since I've learned this, life has become so much richer and simpler.

Quality over quantity has been a big theme for me this year. I wanted to apply this to my closet as well and create a capsule wardrobe filled with high quality pieces rather than fast fashion items. I've always been drawn neutral tones and earthy tones, but recently have developed a soft-spot for navy and burgundy. I've slowly been swapping out my polyester and acrylic items for pieces made of pure silk, linen, cotton, cashmere, and wool. I'm at a place now where I'd rather spend my money on one high quality basic that will last me years and years than numerous fast fashion items of equal monetary value.

Cooking and baking has always been a hobby of mine, but after some mental/health challenges, I found it hard to enjoying being in the kitchen. I don't remember the moment it all clicked, but the autumn months really helped me fall back in love with cooking. All the things I was doing to physically keep my body moving made me want to ensure I was fueling my body properly as well. I spent less time in grocery stores and more time at farmers markets talking to the farmers/vendors and learning about where the food I'm eating is actually coming from!! Organic produce, free-range eggs, grass-fed meats, locally made bread and locally harvested honey as much as possible. Cooking and baking things from scratch instead of buying it processed from the super market. Eating with the seasons. Making my first sourdough starter. Beginning with a few basic ingredients and witnessing something beautiful come into fruition from oven to plate. I'm so thankful I was able to discover an all-new joy for being in the kitchen this year, and I plan to continue to harness these skills in 2023.

I thank God for the way He has helped me grow in my faith this year. Spending time in His word daily. Praying to Him not just as part of my morning and nightly routine, but sometimes multiple times throughout my day just to chat or ask for guidance. Learning to put His will for my life above my own. Learning to trust Him with everything in my life and giving Him full control. Learning to serve others rather than always looking to be served. In the beginning of the year, my goal was to become "that girl," but now my goal is to become the woman of God the Lord wants me to be. I want to be a woman after His own heart. To spreads God's love with the world by being gentle, kind, wise, graceful, poised, soft-spoken, and selfless. I am in no way perfect, but I'm thankful for the growth I've seen this year and I thank God in advance for the work He will do in me this coming year.

[corvid-language-library]

2024 Goals Monthly Check-In

I actually didn't do this last month because I was ill all of February and didn't make much/any progress with anything so I felt it was kinda pointless 😅 Let's see where I'm at now!

Japanese

1) Reach ~N3 level - I've not really been focusing on this so much. I've started using HelloTalk again and occasionally trying to learn a little new N3 grammar/kanji/vocab, but I should probably study in a more focused way.

2) Learn 10 songs by heart to a level where I could sing them at karaoke - Oh yeah I haven't worked on this at all, I kinda forgot it was a thing lmao

3) Finish reading another book of short stories - No progress made whoops. I try to read articles on Todai/NHK Easy a bit more but I've not touched my short story book.

4) Finish both Minna No Nihongo books - I'm about halfway through unit 11, so I'm a little behind but not too much. Hoping to finish unit 11 tonight and unit 12 at some point this week, but we'll see what happens!

Norwegian

1) Read at least 2 books in Norwegian - Not started yet

2) Maintain an overall B2/C1 level - I think I'm maintaining, but I need to immerse more for sure

3) Finish Enjoy Norwegian textbook - I've completed unit 2 so I'm a little behind where I wanted to be, but I should be able to catch up relatively easily.

Life in Japan Goals

As with last time, I'm just gonna focus on the goals where I've made progress rather than listing all 11. So:

1) Get my hair cut - Did it! And it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be :D

4) Have a 10-minute conversation with a native speaker in Japanese that’s not an italki lesson - I managed to chat with the hairdresser, so I can definitely say I did this!

6) Go to the dentist - I've booked an appointment and I'll be going next Monday. Absolutely terrified :D

7) Go to a prefecture I haven’t been to before - I went to Tochigi last weekend!

11) Be able to point to every prefecture on a map and name their capital cities - I can still more or less do this, but I sometimes mix up some prefectures or can't quite remember a capital

Non-language

1) Read 36 books - I've read 11/36 books, which means I'm 3 books ahead of schedule.

2) Complete a first draft of a novel manuscript - no progress made lol

3) Comfortable two-block oversplit with back bend - my oversplits are there but they feel very tight and not comfortable, so I need to work more on them.

4) Consistently hold a handstand for 5 seconds - I can barely balance on my hands at all atm lmao but I'll keep trying

5) Noticeably improve my demi pointe - I'm using the strength in my feet a lot more than I used to but I'm not getting much higher. I'll keep at it!

Health/diet goals under the cut:

Diet & health goals

1) Tackle my diet soda and sugar addictions - I've come a long way with the binge eating! I bought a multipack of chocolate marshmallow biscuits and managed to just take one with me to work every day instead of sitting and binging the whole lot. And right now I have a family-sized bag of mini eggs in my cupboard and I'm managing to eat a controlled set portion each day. I still mess up my diet sometimes, but I'm very happy with how I'm doing!

Diet soda is still a huge problem though lol

2) Slim down enough that none of my clothes are tight anymore - I look and feel SO much better about myself! For ages I've not wanted to dress up nicely because I felt like I looked frumpy or chubby or shapeless in my nice outfits. But when I was packing for Utsunomiya, I tried on all my cute outfits and I thought they looked good! I still want to lose a bit more so that I can see my abs, but I'm really happy with my progress here.

[tastytoecheese]

Mike wheeler's interactions with food

👾sorry for spelling mistakes I'm dyslexic👾

Not only will this be based on what we see in the show (mostly s4) but will also include my experiences as a guy with a diagnosed restrictive eating disorder(EDNOS), how this relates to Mike's potential autism and how eating disorders are more common amongst queer men then cishet men. Obvious tw for eating disorders, disordered eating, selfhate, stereotypes ect...

In s1 we see Mike putting syrup on his scrambled eggs, something Nancy deems 'disgusting' and no one else at the table has done the same thing. These kind of 'wierd' food combinations are very typical for autistic people and are linked to developing eating disorders like ARFID. After this we don't really see Mike interacting with food until season 4, although we do see Mike is decently exited to eat some snacks Will brought to the cinema and his break up with El(keep this in mind).

👾season 4👾

The first interaction with food in s4 is Mike hurrying to school and quickly making some toast to take with him. We don't see him eat this toast nor etempt too like taking a bite or holding it in his mouth while he does something else, we do however see an expression of concern on Karen's face. He did this so his parents would see him taking food to 'eat'.

At lunch we see Mike has food but doesn't eat any and at the hellfire meeting everyone except Mike has mounting dew. Saying we give Mike the benefit of the doubt that he doesn't like that particular pop why wouldn't he have brought another drink?

In the episode were he reunites with El and Will at the airport we see food mentioned a few times. At the mention of getting burritos Mike seems to panic a bit, quickly turning his head to meet her and his voice is slightly higher pitched. The only thing we see him consume the whole episode is a milkshake that we don't even know if he finished, though this does make sense as liquids are easer for most people with a restrictive ED to eat(well, drink haha). Yet again Will is present but so is El, he's trying to keep up a look of normality and being a good boyfriend.

Back at the byers Mike still eats no solid food, instead he only picks at the risotto. Typically there's 2 ways people with eating disorders respond to stress: over eating or restricting. Everyone else is eating despite the stress of the day because their coping mechanisms don't involve food whereas Mike's does, he fall into the second category of restricting when under stress.

The next day Mike still hasn't eaten any solids. I personally find myself doing the same thing so I may be projecting a bit but when under stress to the point I don't eat I will continue to not eat even if I'm no longer too stressed out. This gives me a sense of control over the whole situation and eating would be braking that control and making me stressed again creating a cycle, and it's this very cycle that seems to have a hold on Mike. At breakfast he just picks at his food instead of eating before taking Els egos up to her. This not only allows him to try and apologise but also doesn't make him look strange for not eating infront of Will who looks notably concerned.

When pizza is ordered it's unclear if anyone eats some. In the dessert Mike has some pop and yet again it's unclear how much he drinks.

At the surfer boy pizza Mike still hasn't eaten until Argyle brings out a pineapple pizza, Mike rejects this saying he doesn't like pineapple on pizza (this scene made me laugh because I've done the EXACT same thing to avoid eating before💀) while he may be telling the truth it still doesn't make sense for him to not eat it as he presumably hasn't eaten for 24 hours or at the very least around 8. Unless he has a major aversion to pineapple on pizza like sensory issues, he's hiding his hunger.

👾why would Mike have an eating disorder/other👾

DISCLAIMER: I am in no way shape or form think you need to be thin or unweight to have a restrictive ED. I have,in the 3 years I've had EDs,fluctuated between anorexia, BED, bulimia and EDNOS and have only been underweight once in my honeymoon phase. Your ED is valid no matter your size💖

The media uses stereotypes as they are the easiest for the general public to understand, this is especially common with eating disorders. To the bone, my skinny sister, starving in suburbia, girl intrupted are all popular media staring people with restrictive eating disorders, and a common factor all these characters have is being skinny white girls. Mike (obviously) isn't a girl so that alone would make his ED harder for the general public to understand or sympathise with so they really need to show the key factor of his thinness. The team chose to put Mike in clothes that would show his body like shorts and short sleeve Tees. Even his jeans are made to accentuate the fact Mike is under weight as they clearly aren't made to be baggy yet still sag. The directors/script writers even go as far as to have Angela refer to Mike as a twig.

Expectations for alt and queer men overlap and always have. While there's obvious differences a more common then not factor is thinness and flamboyance, Mike clearly isn't willing to be flamboyant (mostly likely due to his parents political vues and potential internlisedhomophobia) but the physical look is something he can achieve. This links into...

Mike doesn't like himself. Even in s1 we see him being bullied for his appearance and his dad's, Ted wheeler, indirect criticism of him. We also see Mike attempts to emulate Eddie munson -who is bold in style and visibly queer- someone who Mike isn't like especially visually. When he goes to california he wears what he thinks will make him fit in and (presumably) be more what El and Will are used to. In both situations he's changing himself.

Mike is obviously traumatised. He's watched his best friend be possessed, be in excruciating pain screaming out for him and almost die. He's watched Bob get ripped to shreads by demo dogs, seen literal monsters made of human flash, been knocked out by another possessed person and SO much more. His eating is really the only thing he can control.

Will is there almost every time Mike eats/drinks something. This suggests he's either trying to be 'normal' infront of Will and to not worry him or Will is a safe person that makes him feel comfortable enough to do so, probably a mix of both.

👾EDs presenting differently in AMAB people, Mike's potential eating disorder👾

EDs typically start young, even still amab people tend to develop them in their teens to early adults. This is due to the physical expectations we are exposed to, slender yet muscler men who are so tall they could touch a ceiling with no effort who sport angular jaw lines and get equally as 'perfect' girls in abundance. Amab people (specifically guys) tend to develop EDs like orthorexia, EDNOS, bigorexia and bulimia (which is the most common ED among gay men). Eating disorders aren't as talked about in guys let alone in the 80s so Mike's efforts at hiding his ED would be different compared to a girls, while his parents may be concerned about him I doubt an eating disorder comes to mind. Lifting/exercise culture also influences us, the fact its almost expected of guys to be bulking or cutting food at any given time is basically the equivalent of girls expected to be on a diet, guys are also expected to have that 'teen boy metabolism/thinness' and if you don't fit into this it really messes you up.

Mike isn't sporty and this is made VERY clear, he's built like a string bean, he's the stereotype of a nerd, and he's shown no interest in sports. This imo is enough evidence to rule out bigorexia(and disorders like it) and orthorexia as we don't see him once etempt to be healthy with food or exercise. There's also no signs that Mike purges (no puffy cheeks, blisters on nuckles, no laxatives seen and ofc no exercise) so I'll also take bulimia of the potential ED list. This leaves us with the 2 most likely candidates of EDNOS and anorexia . We see him heavily restrict food and not eating under stress except this isn't constant, in s3 after his brake up with El ,Mike is eating a can of crisps to himself (maby the start of a binge) and he presumably eats in the cinema. S3 may have shown a period of normal eating or it may be that his eating disorder didn't start until the byers and El left Hawkins. With this information I personally think Mike could be anorexic!

If you struggle with an ED and would like someone to talk to feel free to contact me! You are not alone in this illness and if talking will make you feel better or you just want to ask questions please do so💖

[journeyto112]

As with every winter, I gained some weight— and by some, I mean the most I’ve ever weighed in my life. I’ve never previously weighed more than 134lbs and my most, and now I’m up to 141lbs. (Disclaimer: these are both very healthy weights and by NO means overweight, but it is just not my goal weight or what I am personally used to.) I am about 5’5 and my (albeit pretty difficult) goal is to lose 30ish lbs in 2 months.

I’ve made a 2 hour long workout playlist on youtube and set intervals throughout the day in which I will do it, so that every day I will be able to make it through the entire playlist in a reasonable manner.

Here is my daily schedule (subject to change soon), the times are set around my own schedule as I am a college student. I will keep updating so anyone who is curious can see if this brings good results. Another disclaimer: I am making sure that I do this in a healthy way in order to not cause any lasting health problems. No matter what this schedule says, if you really need to eat, then EAT! It is 100x better to be sustainable than to resist hunger pangs until you end up binging or ruining your metabolism forever! This schedule also includes intermittent fasting from 12PM-7PM and does not allow for any sugar or salt (although I won’t beat myself up for a cheat day every once in a while).

30 minute workout by 12PM

12PM - Salad (if hungry)

1600mL water by 1PM

30 minute workout by 3PM

3PM - 1-2 hard boiled eggs (depending on appetite)

20 minute workout by 5PM

1600mL water by 6PM

40 minute workout by 7PM

7PM - Salad (last meal of the day)

Afterwards I will continue to workout if I want to and drink water until I go to bed.

One new thing that I am testing out is only allowing myself to eat food at certain times, and if I am not hungry, I will not eat it. Even if I get hungry before my next allotted food time. This is hopefully to train myself to stop focusing on food so much, as binging has become a problem in my life again over the past 6 months.

This is quite intensive because I am trying to lose a lot of weight within 2 months (aka summer). I am going to try my best to be sustainable in my diet and not fall back into very disordered eating habits. This is just a temporary thing I am trying out for the next two months and it is likely that I will add weight lifting to the mix (and therefore more calories of protein and fiber).

Follow for updates coming weekly at least!

[reixtsu]

🥚🥚 Easter Egg Hunting With Bungo Stray Dogs Characters 🥚🥚

Brief: You ask them to go Easter egg hunting with you. (Headcanons style)!!!

Genre: This can be taken romantically or platonically (strictly platonic for Kyoka).

Characters: Dazai Osamu, Nakahara Chuuya, Nakajima Atsushi, Ranpo Edogawa, Kunikida Doppo,  Izumi Kyōka, and Akutagawa Ryūnosuke

Dazai Osamu

He loves the idea of going Easter egg hunting with you. Think about it, another reason to avoid work- I mean, yay, candy! Besides, going Easter egg hunting with you is a huge bonus. 

You both go, but it ends up with Dazai flirting with random women he sees.

“Dazai, we are Easter egg hunting, not flirting.”

“Awe! But I’m Easter WOMEN hunting!”

“The heck is that?”

Looks like it’s up to you to hunt for the eggs.

After getting rejected for the tenth time that day, he sulks off to join you in your hunt.

Very dramatic. This man will cheer you on as you present him each and every egg you found.

Eats some of the candy in the eggs that you already found behind your back.

When you’re done egg hunting, you show off to Dazai how many eggs you got. This man didn’t get any eggs! Way to make him feel jealous!

Dazai simply smirks and begs for you to share whatever candy is in the eggs.

If there is money in one of the eggs you got, he will steal it from you without you noticing.

He’s very happy to have spent Easter egg hunting with you.

Nakahara Chuuya

Automatically made a “haaah?” noise when you asked him to go Easter egg hunting with you. He thinks that you were pranked by Dazai to ask him to go Easter egg hunting with you. Was this a joke to say “you’re short, so you must be a kid!” He sure in hell hoped not.

Was relieved when you said that it was no prank, you just wanted to spend some time with him.

On the day of the Easter egg hunt, he picks you up in a fancy limousine.

Gets frustrated literally five minutes into the hunt, complaining about how he can’t find anything.

He’s an average Easter egg hunter.

He will continually try to steal other people’s (kids) eggs.

“Oi, Chuuya! Don’t be such a brat!”

He stops stealing children’s eggs eventually.

When you both are done collecting eggs, he will ask how many eggs you have.

“Whoever has the least eggs has to take the other out and pay for the food!”

“Okay bet!”

At the end of the day, Chuuya was glad that he went to the event with you!

Nakajima Atsushi

When he heard of an Easter egg hunting event going on in Yokohama, he wanted to go. However he didn’t want to go by himself. To make things worse, he was afraid he was too busy with paperwork to be able to go. When you asked him to go Easter egg hunting with you, he was shocked, yet happy. He honestly didn’t think that you’d want to go with him, outta all people.

You would force him to wear bunny ears and a bunny tail and take pictures of him. Poor baby! 

You both use grocery bags to put the eggs in.

He actually isn’t that good at finding eggs (only found 2).

He gives up trying to find eggs and just sticks walks with you as you find eggs. He will, however, try to help you.

When you both are done hunting, you share some of your candy with him. You felt bad that he didn’t find that many eggs.

He’d give you a hug in gratitude (expect purring).

Ranpo Edogawa

This man loves candy! We all know this! When you invited him to go Easter egg hunting with you, he got really thrilled. Was already counting the amount of candy he was going to find and steal from you.

When you both start hunting, he just lays around while you struggle to find the eggs. 

“Ranpo-san, aren’t you going to search for the eggs?”

“I’m a master detective! I already know where each and every egg is! I’m just too tired to pick them up myself!” This man.

He will give you hints on where the eggs are and force you to get all of them (he will follow you, of course).

When you found basically all of the eggs, he demands you to give him 89% of the eggs, including the golden eggs.

After many attempted negotiations, you finally have Ranpo 89% of your eggs, including the golden ones.

The next day at work, you find Ranpo eating away at his pile of eggs, candy wrappers all over the place.

Kunikida Doppo

He isn’t the type to participate in Easter Egg Hunting. When you had asked him to go with you, he just stared at you as if you were out of your mind. How could he do such childish activities when he has work to do? However, with the way your eyes begged him to go with you, gave in.

He searched for a while to get his own pile of eggs, but then transferred to watching you.

He watched how your eyes would dart to every atom just to see if there was an egg there. He saw how you’d smile and laugh in joy when you found an egg. He ends up helping you find some eggs.

When you both are done, he expresses his gratitude for you inviting him to go Easter egg hunting with you. He does so in such a formal way.

“Tomorrow, however, you will be doing more paperwork.”

“Whaaaat?”

Izumi Kyōka

She was surprised to say the least, but definitely happy. She had heard of Easter egg hunting before, but never was interested. Assassinating kept her away from such joy. 

“What’s in the Easter eggs?”

“Candy.”

Candy? Oh, that one noun powered up Kyoka.

You both will wear matching kimonos to the Easter egg hunt.

She would hold your hand in the fear of straying too far from you. 

She’s actually very good at finding eggs! She even found 6 golden eggs with yen in it!!! Good for her!

In the end, she would share her candy with you!

She attempts to give you the yen she got, but you refuse, saying that she earned it.

She hugs you in the end, thanking you for the great day she had.

Akutagawa Ryūnosuke

He, like Kunikida, isn’t so fond of Easter egg hunting.

He would deny a lot at first, saying how it’s a waste of his energy, however with all of your pestering, he finally gives in.

“Come on Akutagawa! Please!”

“No.”

“If you don’t go, I’ll announce to the entire Port Mafia that you love Atsushi.”

“…Okay fine. I’ll join you in your stupid Easter hunt.”

He would show up an hour earlier than the time the hunt would start. He isn’t excited, but he claims to just be early for the earlyness of it.

He actually enjoys Easter egg hunting with you. Seeing you smile when you showed him each and every egg you found made him glad he went hunting with you (no way in hell he would ever admit that out loud, however).

When you both are done, he just nods in acknowledgement and drops you off at your house.

He will NOT eat his candy. Instead he gives it to you and Elise.

Author-kun: Happy almost Easter! I hope you enjoyed this various characters x reader (y/n) Headcanons! I had a lot of fun making this.

Just a reminder, I have requests open! If you would like to request an anime x reader or character x character, please look at my masterlist. Click here.

I hope to see you in the near future! Thank you very much!

[lastoneout]

just me venting about being disabled and having migraines dwbi

I honestly think the worst part about this whole migraine thing is like, how much shit I genuinely just cannot do anymore. I mean I thought not being able to have gluten was alienating, but this? It's a whole other level.

And like thankfully I do think we're going to be able to solve the problem, I have an appointment with a neurosurgeon and physical therapist, it's just taking a while, but in that time I have had to give up just about everything that I had left that I could do. Going outside gives me a migraine because it's hot and sunny so if I have an errand or appointment that is legit the only thing I can do that day. I can't cook anything more complex than like scrambled eggs and even then some days the pain is bad enough that I can't even cut up an apple to eat. I can sit at my desk for like maybe 6 hours before I have to stop, and I'm usually still in pain the entire time, I just ignore it bcs if I legit spent every day in bed I'd lose my mind. And even when I'm in bed I have to be super careful about using my phone or tablet or switch bcs angling my head down instantly makes everything worse. I can at least shower and brush my teeth but like, barely.

Streaming is like the one thing I save my energy for because it makes me happy and pulls in a little money, and even then I keep having to cancel to take care of myself and rest. I want to do collabs and stuff with my friends so bad but I can't because I never know until the day of if I'm actually going to be capable of streaming or not. I've had to cancel streams an hour in because I thought I'd be fine but then the pain hits. I haven't been able to hang out in my friend's streams or be a mod in the ones I'm a mod in because I just can't. I haven't even been talking to anyone bcs I'm so fucking tired that I can barely muster the energy to be social.

I can't do chores because ALL of them involve Looking Down and I can't do that, and my fiance works full time so the house is messy. And he does help take care of me as much as he can but again, he has work and so I do have to take care of myself as much as I can, and there's no one else I know in town who can help take care of me(plus I'm still trying to socially distance bcs I do NOT need covid on top of this and barely anyone I know IRL masks).

And like I don't have any pain meds that help. I have a migraine rescue medication but I can only take it four times in thirty days and I have already taken it like seven times out of desperation, and it only gives me a day of relief, that's it. Ibuprofen helps, but only a little and only if I take like 600mgs and I can't do that every day or I'll get sick and the migraine pain already makes me so nauseous I can't eat sometimes so like, I don't want an ulcer on top of that. And there's no point in going to the ER because even the hardest migraine cocktail (toradol, steroids, benadryl, zofran, and morphine) at most gives me 2 days of peace before the pain is back. Even a steroid taper pack, which usually will break me out of any migraine cycle only took care of it for a week and I am SUPER sensitive to steroids, they make me feel like complete shit, so it's just not worth it to take one.

I could ask to see my neurologist but she sucks and just told me to take ibuprofen the last time I brought this up, and legit suggested I simply see a different doctor about the condition causing the migraines so really what's the point. She won't help me.

I could go to the ER and like beg to see a neurologist if there's one on staff who is willing to talk to me, but that's not really How The ER Works and they've already done CT scans of my neck to see if anything is being pinched and nothing is, and if they give me meds it will only help for a few days at most. Plus I kinda hate it there so like, I don't really want to go anyway. And urgent care straight up will not be able to help me.

And I don't even want to try to explain all that to any of my friends because it's such a major bummer and they can't do anything to help, but I also don't know how many times I can say "sorry I have a migraine that isn't going away and I just can't do most things" because like, it's the truth but like it doesn't feel like a good enough excuse? Idk.

I miss doing things. I'm in so much fucking pain all the time. My fiance's birthday is this month and idk if we're even going to be able to DO anything because of how fucked up I am and that makes me feel horrible.

I just want all of this to stop. But it isn't going to, at least not yet. So I just have to make peace with not being able to do anything for the next like three weeks.

I'm so tired.

[citygirlcharlotte]

The Sister Halstead (Part 7)

Masterlist

Pairings: Hank Voight x Female OC, Will & Jay Halstead x Sister!OC

“I can barely walk Henry this isn’t funny.” I whined. 

After last night, earlier this morning and in the shower, I guess you could say I was hooked on henry and everything he has to offer. Unfortunately, that also means I’m going to be hobbling for at least a day because of just how good he was. At his age, I didn’t know that smug bastard had it in him. 

“You’re supposed to be able to keep up sweetheart.” He laughed, fixing us both some coffee. 

“I definitely can, you’ve just got a dick the size of a beer can and I’m not used to it yet. We’ll have to get some more practice in later.” I purred, kissing him lightly and running my hands through his still damp hair. 

“Sounds good to me sweetheart.” 

Henry had to get back to searching for the guy who shot Jay while I got to work on ordering breakfast for him and will. I grabbed my red headed brother a change of clothes from my spare room and headed down to my car. First stop food, second stop the flower shop and third stop a pharmacy to get a plan b. 

“Done, done and done.” I smiled, praising myself for making quick work. 

I pulled into the hospital parking lot armed with bags of food and flowers to make my brothers lives less depressing. 

“Knock Knock!” I announced, barging into the room. 

Will was still asleep on the pull out bed while Jay was visiting with one of Will’s doctor friends and what looked to be one of his fellow detectives. 

“Charlie, I hope there’s food in one of those bags.” Jay whined. 

I set up his flowers in a beautiful arranged before slinging Will’s clothes at his sleeping body and unloading the food options on Jay’s overbed table. 

“Choose your poison sir.” I said with a mock bow as I made him scoot over and joined him on the bed. 

“I’m starting with this eggs benedict.” He announced, quickly finding a fork. 

“He’s gonna puke if he eats all of this.” Will’s doctor friend stated. 

“Lighten up Doc McStuffins, he won’t eat it all.” I snorted, reaching for a muffin. 

“You’re literally going to get crumbs on my hospital bed.” Jay complained. 

“You literally almost gave me a heart attack by getting shot. Get over it dumbass.” I smirked, adding a kiss on his cheek for good measure. 

“It’s Dr. Rhodes.” The doctor friend interjected. 

A light bulb went off in my head. 

“Your Neils son?” I asked. 

“How do you know my dad?” He asked, getting a little defensive. 

“Charlotte Lahey, my dad is Charles Lahey the owner of Lahey Engineers. We worked on the last 2 new builds for your dad’s store.” I explained. 

“I think I’ve met your father once or twice at my dads office. Give him my best.” Dr. Rhodes said before turning to leave. 

“Weirdo.” I commented, plucking my muffin into my mouth. 

“That’s Will’s best friend.” Jay commented. 

“Stop talking with your mouth full.” I complained at him. 

His coworker sat watching us interact for a moment before it turned into staring and was making me uncomfortable. 

“Charlie, nice to meet you.” I greeted, extending my hand for her to shake. 

That seemed to break her out of her staring problem. 

“Hailey Upton, I’m Jay’s partner.” She replied with a firm shake. 

“Aren’t you lucky then, you won’t have to deal with him for a few weeks.” I joked. 

Chuckles over here was scarfing down food like he hadn’t been fed in a week. 

“I didn’t realize you were seeing someone Jay.” She commented. 

I looked around confused. 

“Whose he seeing?” I asked intrigued. 

She looked me at with a confused look. 

“You?” She questioned. 

I nearly projectile choked my muffin across the room and Jay actually choked on his egg.

“Disgusting!” I heaved, trying to catch my breath from my coughing. 

“I’m gonna puke.” Jay whined. 

All of the commotion woke up the sleeping brother. 

“What the hell is with all this noise?” Will complained. 

“Are you with Will then?” Hailey asked confused. 

“Double fuck no lady.” I exclaimed. “They’re my brothers.” 

“Brothers?! Since when did you two have a sister?” 

“A couple of months ago. Turns out old man Halstead had a daughter he didn’t know about.” Will explained, reaching for a muffin. 

Hailey took a second to look at the three of us. 

“You two make Jay look adopted.” She commented. 

“It’s the hair.” 

After Hailey left, I got insanely bored lounging around while Jay slept and Will went back to mine to get ready for shift. Thankfully the boredom ended soon as I got a call from Henry. 

“Hey baby.” I answered. 

“Hi sweetheart. How’s chuckles doing?” He joked. 

“Not being very chuckly at the moment. Mans is asleep. Are you with his partner right now?” I answered. 

“Yeah she’s here.” 

“Give her extra paperwork or something, she made me choke on my muffin because she thought I was dating one of my brothers.” I gagged. 

Henry let out a loud laugh on his end. 

“Don’t know if I can do that honey. We caught the guy who got a shot at Jay though. He’ll be hobbling just like you today.” He laughed. 

“Can I hit him?” I asked. 

“I’ll hit him for you. I just wanted to let you know we’re going to take him down.” 

“Good, thank you baby.” I sighed. 

“When’s he getting discharged?” 

“Tonight I think. With Will playing doctor at home, I think they’re gonna let him leave early.” 

“He staying at home?” Henry questioned. 

“I was going to offer my place. Will is already on and off living with me and Jay has already claimed a guest room. I was going to see if he wanted to stay over at mine until he’s better.” I explained. 

“That’s a good idea. I’ll feel better knowing you’re not alone at night.” He confessed. 

“Another way to make sure of that is for you to stay over more.” I coaxed. 

“Probably not a good idea while your brothers are under your roof sweetheart. I’ve got to head into an interrogation but I’ll call you later okay? I love you honey.” 

“Love you more baby, be safe.” I replied. 

“Can you not rub my singleness in my face.” Jay whined. 

I didn’t even hear chuckles awaken! 

“Your partner seems like she wants to change that.” I teased, heading over to his bed. 

“Don’t start.” He whined. 

“Since when did you and Henry move onto the L word?” He asked. 

“Last night actually.” I smiled. 

“You happy?” He asked me. 

“Incredibly. With you guys and now Henry in my life, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.” I lamented, leaning my head on his shoulder. 

“I better get to meet this guy soon.” Jay warned. 

My body straightened up at that comment. 

“There’s something I have to tell you but you can’t get mad.” 

“Don’t really think you get to control that.” He replied. 

“Pinky promise me Jay bird.” I complained, holding out a pinky. 

We made a promise before I spilled the beans. 

“Neither Henry nor I realized this until yesterday but you know Henry.” I explained. 

Jay had a look of confusion and he tried to go through the rolodex of people he knew for a ‘Henry’. 

“I don’t think so, are you sure?” He questioned, confused. 

“Yeah. He mostly goes by Hank but I prefer Henry.” I explained. 

He looked confused again before his face went blank. 

“I only know Hank Voight, my boss.” He growled. 

“I am in love with a man named Henry Voight.” I confessed. 

Jay didn’t even yell, he went dead silent and it was freaking me out. 

“We didn’t even know we knew the same people until he came in here yesterday and the dots got placed together.” I confessed. 

Tears started to well in my eyes at his silence. 

“Please say something.” I begged. 

He looked me dead in the eyes and shook his head ‘no’. 

“Hank Voight does not deserve someone as kind and loving as you Charlotte.” He stated. 

“But he does Jay.” I tried to reason. 

“No he doesn’t! You don’t know what he’s done, what he’s capable of. That man is going straight to hell one day and you are not going down with him.” 

“Then let me love him here on earth, Jay. He makes me so happy it hurts, and I am incredibly in love with him it’s ridiculous.” I sobbed. 

His eyes softened for a second at my tears and he reached an arm out to pull me into his chest. 

“We are discussing this later Charlie.” He vowed. 

I felt like shit the rest of the day knowing that Jay was upset but not willing to give into what I knew he wanted me to do. Will caught onto the vibes as he came in to check on us, ultimately giving Jay the all clear to head back to my place. 

“Come on chuckles, I ordered burgers.” I called out. 

I heard him hobbling into the living room as I got a call from Henry and quickly stepped onto the balcony. 

“Hey baby.” I answered. 

“Hi honey. You really didn’t have to do this.” He replied. 

Hailey had mentioned on her way out that the team was going to be pulling over time tonight working on this case so I made sure to send them all dinner from this Italian place I like to order from and some coffee from my favorite café. 

“Not a problem, I know you guys are working hard.” 

“You’re their new favorite person now. Upton spilled that the Halstead’s had a new sister as soon as she got back and with dinner, I’m sure you’re in for a round of beers once they finally get to meet you.” He joked. 

“Do I just get to be introduced as Jay’s sister or do I get to be revealed as their sexy boss’s girlfriend?” I teased. 

That earned me a small laugh. 

“Let’s start with the first one. I’m still waiting for your brother to hit me for the second.” 

“Fair enough. How are you doing?” I asked. 

“I’m okay. We should be done before midnight then I’m heading home and straight to bed and getting back here first thing in the morning.” 

“Or you could come here? Some well deserved cuddles with your girlfriend?” I offered. 

“Really don’t think that’s a good idea honey.” 

“Chuckles will be asleep by then and Wills on shift all night. The choice is yours but I won’t complain if you crawl into bed with me.” I tried to coax. 

“We’ll see sweetheart. I’ve gotta get back to the team.” 

“Okay baby, love you.” I smiled.

“Love you more.” 

I returned to the kitchen to see the chuckles in question stuffing his face yet again. 

“You leave me any?” I asked, looking at the nearly empty box of fries on the table. 

“I was shot Charlotte.” He deadpanned. 

I rolled my eyes at him using that as an excuse for eating a family sized box of fries. 

“Asshole.”

---

“Come on Jay bird, time for bed!” I shouted. 

He had some nighttime pain meds that would knock him right out and I needed to check some stitches. 

“Yes mom.” He groaned playfully, taking the pills from my hand as I lifted his shirt to see his bandages. 

“Looks good. How do you feel?” I asked. 

“Sore. Better now though. Thank you Charlie for letting me stay here.” 

“Not a problem. You’ll always have a place in my home.” I smiled, leaving his with a kiss to his head and dramatically tucking him in. 

“Don’t you let me catch you with the TV after lights out Mr.” I teased. 

“I’m literally 10 years older than you.” He groaned. 

“Then act like it!” I yelled from down the hall. 

I spent the second half of the night on the couch, browsing some shopping and ordered Will food because he called me complaining that he was starving. My grown brothers were children I swear. 

Deciding to call it a night, I checked on Jay one more time before retreating to my room and crawling under the covers. The bed still smelled like my honey and I feel asleep with a smile on my face. 

I was however awoken 2 hours later to ruffling in my room. Had I not heard Henry swear under his breath as he accidently hit his foot on my dresser, I would have thought it was an intruder. 

“Come snuggle.” I smiled, throwing the blanket open for him to enter. 

He crawled into bed quickly, bringing me securely into his chest while wrapping his arms around my body tightly. 

“Good night pretty girl.” He smiled, giving me a quick kiss on the lips. 

“Good night baby.” 

---

Taglist:

@royaltysuite @jadakiss13 @ego-allie-bap @acdassenza @alldaysdreamers @sande5098

[pvrply-bruises]

2024 Vision and Goals 🍀🌱

After a few harsh and challenging months, I have come back with plenty of motivation to lose weight and keep it down.

To congratulate myself, I'd like to point out I moved out of my parents' home, I quit a toxic job and landed a new, slightly better paid job, I am trying really hard to make my current relationship work and I have worked on changing my own damaging behaviors, I had a tough financial month and I have reset my personal budget as well as my spending habits and strategies.

Without further ado, here are the plans/stats/ideas to successfully lose some weight.

Note 1: I do not know my actual SW. Last time I weighed in, I was at 59 kg, but I definitely gained these past few months.

SW: *educated guess* 64 kg.

GW: 54 kg.

UGW: 50 kg *just enough to donate blood*.

Due date: End of 2024 (12/31/24).

Checkpoints:

05/12/24 (partner's birthday celebration)

05/26/24 (may's pay date)

06/23/24 (last week of final term at work)

07/07/24 (few days after dad's birthday)

07/28/24 (end of work break)

08/18/24 (long weekend)

09/22/24 (love and friendship day)

10/06/24 (after birthday check)

10/27/24 (before Halloween, yay!)

11/17/24 (nothing special)

12/08/24 (after candle night)

12/22/24 (almost Christmas!)

12/31/24 (end of year, NYE)

Strategies: under 4 axes of action (nutrition, ⭐vation, movement, finances).

🍓Nutrition: as a grown up, I need to function. In order to function while doing this, I need to ingest proper nutrients to keep my body as balanced as possible.

Eat meals (lunch or dinner) with the following arrangements: 1/2 a plate is salad, 1/4 is protein and 1/4 is carbs.

I will allow dessert, if available, 2X/week (weekday and weekend).

No juice, only water.

Snacks will consist of fruits, greek yogurt, fruit purée, a few dried nuts, low cal gelatin, ripened cheese, ham, eggs, etc.

No added sugar.

No alcohol unless beer (with partner) or wine. For special occasions only.

No vaping/smoking *this will be a tough one.

No chips, cakes, chocolate, fried food, candy or ultra processed snacks.

Counting approximate calories and have a limit of 1,300 cals daily. High restriction is easier to maintain long term. Also, I don't actually know the calories in my lunch because I don't cook it.

Use MFP for the previous point.

⭐vation: as an old timer in EDblr, I objectively know that food and exercise are the way, but my sick brain insists on this method. And the method works (at least for a while).

Fasting, daily, for 18 hours at least. From 6:30 PM until 12:30 PM.

OMAD 2X/week. Preferably lunch, but dinner if required.

Always skip breakfast. It's the easier to skip due to my routine.

Fasting less during the weekend if a social function requires it.

If working out harder than usual, EAT to avoid passing out.

Drink green tea, black tea, unsweetened herbal tea, coffee (stick to 2–3 cups daily). Drink as many beverages as you'd like, without sugar, of course.

Brush teeth 4 times a day: before work, during break, after lunch and before sleeping.

🤸‍♀️Movement: my 25-year-old body feels as if I am 47. I need further movement, not only to lose weight, but to feel ALIVE.

Walk 8k steps daily. How? Take the bus, walk a lot during my day, get off at a further bus stop and walk home; after work, go out and walk around the neighborhood to complete steps.

On July, either join the gym or take up dancing lessons. If schedule allows, continue this from July until December and then into 2025.

Sunday every 2 weeks, go to a hike at Monserrate. Time going up and down, track improvement. Do it alone, with my partner, with friends, raining, sunny, windy. Starting on 05/04/24.

If working out harder than usual, EAT to avoid passing out.

Buy a yoga mat. Use it to stretch.

Note 2: a side goal for this year is to reach my front and pancake splits.

💡Finances: as a human with dreams, hopes and aspirations, I need money. I make enough to live well, but hardly enough to save for later in life. Food expenditure needs a cut for me to grow my wealth.

After calculations, I spend about 20% of my monthly pay in groceries. However, this is if I EAT A LOT for dinner and buy inefficient food (nutrition wise). However, implementing all previous measurements, means I no longer need to spend that much on food. I will stick to a budget of 5.65% of my monthly pay.

Buy consciously, buy nutritious food. Stick to the general idea of: red meat, chicken breast/thighs, yucca arepas, cheese, fruit purée, chicken ham, tomatoes, green fruit (apple or pear), popcorn, rice, instant noodles, cucumber, red bell pepper, greek yogurt, blueberries, wok veggies.

Do NOT order take out, ever. Even worse if you have groceries at home.

Uninstall all delivery apps.

Only eat out twice a month IF BUDGET allows. If not, do NOT hesitate to tell people, 'it's not within my budget'.

Do NOT spend money at work. You have 'free lunch', you have a small allowance, and all they sell is crappy chips. Do NOT waste your money on vending machines or greasy cafeteria food *this is an easier one.

Do NOT buy clothes until you are able to maintain a certain low weight.

Rewards system:

Besides dropping pounds, it's encouraging to have a few prizes waiting to be claimed if the effort makes a noticeable mark in my body and mind.

63 kg: a pat on the back.

62 kg: finding the time and painting a small watercolor piece.

61 kg: going to a museum for free.

60 kg: going to a planetarium light show.

59 kg: do a fun, colorful make up for a Sunday photoshoot.

58 kg: measure my waist, legs, hips and arms.

57 kg: go to the botanic garden.

56 kg: go to an amusement park to have fun.

55 kg: go to a curly hair care salon to find out how to properly care for my locks.

54 kg: get another ear-piercing.

53 kg: buy a cheap but cute ring.

52 kg: going to the cinemateca for a foreign film showing.

51 kg: donate blood.

50 kg: buy enough clothes and shoes, for work and personal activities.

Tracking: I will post the following stats daily or as needed.

Daily cals consumed.

Steps walked.

Money spent on food.

Lts of water consumed.

Did I smoke/vape?

Did I drink?

Cups of coffee.

Hours fasted.

Weigh in.

I love myself. I loathe myself. I do this to find balance between my mind and my external world. I believe if I cultivate this type of discipline, I can conquer all other goals I have set for myself. I do this for me and me ONLY.

Love, me.

[garden-of-gay]

You're On Your Own Kid Part 3

Part 1, Part 2

Hey y’all I'm back and here to deliver the comfort that I promised so here it is. This is the final chapter but is most likely just the start of my Taylor Swift themed Steddie because I love both. I may drop a poll in case you guys want to vote on which song I do next. We will see though because a boi gets burnt out easily. You also get some smut in this chapter because my boys deserve to be intimate in a loving context and I’m a sappy gal. Anyways, sorry for the rambling, enjoy the chapter :)

Perfect Kiss

Steve didn’t remember falling asleep, he had planned to close his eyes for a bit but hadn’t expected to doze. When he awoke, he found that Eddie was still holding him tight. It made Steve’s heart swell. He looked ethereal, Steve had always found Eddie to be pretty but with the way that the early morning light filtered into the room, the soft mess of his curls, and the serene expression on his face he looked down right angelic. Steve took a moment to admire his features, the slope of his nose, the smile lines around his eyes, the way his lips looked so soft and kissable. It would be so easy to just lean over and….

“Nope…nope…nope” Steve thought

Eddie began to stir and Steve decided it would probably be best to stop staring now. He found that he couldn’t though, no matter how much he tried he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off Eddie. 

“Good morning, Sunshine. I can feel you staring” Eddie said, peeking his eyes open.

Steve thought that even the sound of Eddie’s sleepy voice made him sound hotter than ever. His face flushed not only because he was caught but…also Eddie's voice made him feel things. 

“I’m hungry, you want breakfast Stevie?” He said

“Yeah, I could eat, thanks Eds” He replied

“No, problem, you good with eggs? I don’t really make breakfast” Eddie stated sheepishly

“Yeah, yeah, that sounds fine” 

-

They made their way to the kitchen and Eddie began to prepare breakfast while Steve made coffee. They danced around each other in the small kitchen trying to avoid bumping into each other. It all felt so domestic; Steve wished to have this every morning for the rest of his life. The smell of coffee, the chaos of the small kitchen, but most importantly Eddie. Steve couldn’t believe mornings could be this peaceful and warm. 

-

Fifteen minutes later, both Steve and Eddie sat down at the couch with their plates of food and mugs of coffee. Eddie had just finished sipping from his Garfield mug when Steve spoke up.

“Dude, this is like SUPER good, what the hell?”

“I don’t know, they are just regular eggs! I made them the same way I always do.” Eddie said with a bewildered expression

“Well you did something!! They are delicious and like ... .you're going to have to make eggs for me for the rest of my life because there is no way I can ever eat any other eggs.” Steve hadn’t meant to say the last part aloud and could feel his face heating up. In an attempt to cover his panic, Steve started to ramble. 

“You know, the last time I had eggs this good was when I was hungover back in the days where I still hosted parties. I had drunk way too much the night before and was too tired to make anything other than eggs but knew I needed to eat. It was probably the worst hangover I have ever experienced, only heightened by the fact that I had nothing in my stomach when I started drinking.” 

Eddie looked at him with concern and spoke

“You know you’re not supposed to do that right!? Like that is super not good and this is coming from a guy who makes most of his income from dealing drugs.”

“Yeah, I know…those were back in the days where I would starve myself because I thought I had to look perfect for anyone to like me. That and also knowing about another dimension and reeling with that made it really hard to eat anything for a while” Steve chuckled with a twinge of sadness.

“You do look perfect though Stevie, at least to me.” Eddie looked away from Steve as he spoke and Steve was secretly glad because his stupid brain was ten seconds from blurting out his love for Eddie. 

“Huh, thanks Eds. That means a lot coming from you.” He blushed

“Really, why is that?” He questioned not with cruelty but genuinely curiosity

“I mean, like you got that whole bad boy look to you and like you are objectively hot dude. You are goofy, sweet, and dress in leather giving you this sexy, metal look. You know?” He questioned

“Did you, Steve Harrington just say I look metal and I look hot?! I never thought I’d live to see the day” He chuckled

Steve blushed because he felt like he said too much and that he needed to tone it down a bit. 

“Well, thank you darlin’ that is nice to hear” Eddie said as he covered his face with a piece of hair in an attempt to hide the blush blooming across his face. 

They sat in silence while finishing their breakfast and Steve got up from the couch to stretch. Walking towards Eddie’s room before calling out.

“Ed's, is it cool if I borrow some of your clothes?”

“Knock yourself out Stevie” He yelled in response

-

Steve went through Eddie’s clothes and selected a gray faded Metallica t-shirt and a pair of dark jeans that looked too big for Eddie but should fit Steve. He changed quickly and took a quick glance in the mirror musing with his hair trying to make it sit right. He was about to leave when he glanced down and saw an eyeliner pencil. He had seen Robin apply it before and thought he might as well give it a try since Eddie wouldn’t judge him…I mean he owned it. 

Steve gave himself a once over in the mirror and began to blush because he looked…hot. Now Steve wasn’t stupid he knew people found him attractive but seeing himself in Eddie’s clothes eyes ringed in Kohl and sleep messed hair, he found himself understanding the appeal of this look. 

He made his way back to the living room watching as Eddie’s eye grew to the size of saucer and a violent blush bloomed over his face

“So what do you think, is this the new look for me” He teased

“I- I. Are you wearing eyeliner!!!” Eddie questioned

“Yeah, I found it in your room and figured I messed around with it. I don’t know," he replied teasingly. He could see the look on Eddie’s face and had no doubt in his mind that he felt the same as him. 

Eddie stood up and took Steve’s face in his hand. Steve could feel his breathing stop and his heart begin to race. They were so close they were practically sharing the same air. 

“Hey Eds?” Steve whispered

“Yeah, Stevie?” Steve watched as Eddie’s eyes quickly darted to his lips

“Back when I hosted parties, I kept myself in very specific shape because I thought my life would be saved by a perfect kiss. I still have yet to get that perfect kiss, you know?” Steve looked into Eddie’s blown out pupils hoping he understood what he was saying when Eddie remained silent, he continued.

“You know I think I want to get that now” 

“Eddie, can I kiss you” He whispered

“Ye-” He was cut off by Steve crashing his lips into his and felt their teeth clash before readjusting to heated passionate kisses. 

Steve had kissed many people before but kissing Eddie was different. He had a slight stubble on his face that pleasantly tickled his face as well as a kind of passion that Steve had not felt for a very long time. They stumbled their way to the couch, Eddie pushing Steve down before climbing on top of him to straddle him.

“Is this okay?” He asked as he began to suck and kiss Steve’s neck

“This is more than okay, please don’t stop,” Steve said breathlessly. 

Steve moaned as Eddie bit and sucked at the skin around his collar, knowing that it was going to leave delicious purpling bruises.

“ Ed’s the feels soooo good” He slurred out

Eddie breathlessly detached himself from Steve’s neck before asking

“Can I take this off?” fiddling with the hem of the shirt Steve was wearing

“Yes please, but only if you take yours off too” he replied

Eddie pulled the shirt off Steve's body, touching his chest before Steve reached to take Eddie’s shirt off. Once Eddie was shirtless, Steve took a moment to drink him in. He looked so beautiful in a way he can’t comprehend and looked at his face to find Eddie smiling down at him. 

Steve grabbed his face and pulled his into a searing kiss, trying to kiss all his love into Eddie hoping he understood

“God you’re beautiful Eds” He breathed out

“You’re one to talk, you come out here in my clothes wearing eyeliner, looking like my wet dream and you expect me not to want to jump your bones” Eddie said between kisses. 

Steve could feel the growing hardness through his jeans and knew Eddie could too because he smirked down at him before grinding his hips against Steve’s hardening length. 

“Fuuuuck” He moaned out as Eddie shot him a pleased look and ground down again. 

“Oh, seem like we have a problem to take care of, don’t we” He mused

“Mmmm, yes please” Steve whined out.

“Please what, use your words baby, what do you want?”

“I..I- I just want you to touch me. Fuck Eddie, anything just please touch me” He groaned out

Eddie took that as his que to unzip Steve’s pants, pulling down both his pants and boxers. 

Precum was already dribbling down Steve’s length and he wrapped his hand around before setting a painstaking pace.

Steve had to bite his hand to suppress his moans because the pace Eddie was stroking at and the cool metal of his rings created a pleasure already threatening to push him over the edge. 

“Don’t hide from me, I want to hear you, I want to see you.” Eddie said, grabbing his face and making Steve look at him. He looked at Steve with so much love in his eyes it made Steve want to drown in them.

Steve began fumbling with the zipper of Eddie’s pants before tapping Eddie to lift his hips to pull off his pants. Once Eddie was exposed, Steve took him into his hand pulling a deep groan from Eddie.

“Fuck, baby, you really are a dream” 

Steve began to stroke matching the pace Eddie had set and could feel the heat pooling in his own gut.

Steve felt Eddie’s pace begin to quicken and become erratic with him releasing small moans as Steve continued to stroke him. 

Eddie then took both of them in his hand and worked them at a painful pace, Steve could feel his orgasm coming and based on Eddie’s face it seemed so was he. 

“Fuck baby, fuck, Im gonna….Im gonna” Eddie’s hand stuttered as he came bathing his hand in his own release. He continued to stroke Steve’s dick causing him to follow close behind, coating his hand with a mix of his own and Steve’s release. 

He collapsed onto the couch breathing heavily before chancing a glance at Steve. Steve was trying to catch his breath when he glanced over to find Eddie was looking back at him. This is what he wanted, this level of passion; of love and with Eddie that’s what it felt like. 

-

They cleaned up and got in the shower, taking turns washing each other's hair. It was something so simple but it made Steve feel so loved; the way Eddie would gently scratch his scalp sent shivers down his spine. Steve had never felt so loved and so happy.

-

They were laying in Eddie’s bed cuddling, just enjoying the presence of the other, Eddie was humming something gently and carding his hand through Steve’s hair. Steve’s heart felt so full, he had never been so content and felt he could not longer run anymore, he turned to face Eddie and said

“I love you, I’m in love with you. I have been for a while and realized I don’t want to hide anymore or waste any more time. I’ve had enough years of lies; laughing at jokes that weren’t  funny, taking money to attempt to fill the void of love, Making friends that didn’t really care about me and don't know what to say to me now. I have lived through hell, looked up in a blood-soaked t-shirt to find that I had almost lost you because you decided to be the stupid hero” He could feel the tears fall but pressed on attempting to collect himself.

“ I have turned so many pages in my life trying to start anew and have burned bridges in wanting to be a better person and found that,  I did become better, I could be better. Everything I lost was a step I took towards being a better me. From my parents leaving, Nancy dumping me, living through actual hell. All of it made me a person who craves love and a desire to give it so I love you, I love you, I love you” Steve’s voice broke as he could no longer control the sobs that ripped through him.

“I love you too, god, I love you so much. You are deserving of so much love and if you are willing to let me give it, I will give you all of it. Every waking moment of the last couple months I watched you and wanted nothing more than to reach out, hold you, and tell you that I loved you so much. Cause’ I do Stevie, I love you so much there is nothing I can ever do to show you how much I love you. You have been on your own for so long and you deserve to have someone there by your side. I want to be that person Stevie, I want you to tell me all the good and the bad. I want you to feel safe and not worry about falling apart because I will pick up your pieces and put you back together. I want to share my life with you because you don’t have to be on your own. I want you…because I love you more than I have loved anyone before Sunshine. You are my everything and you are no longer on your own.” 

Steve sobbed into Eddie’s chest. He loved him back, his heart was safe, he was safe; here in Eddie’s arms he was loved and valued. Eddie just held him tight until his tears dried and then held him after, because he loved him.

-

Steve had spent the last couple months in pure bliss, he had a boyfriend that loved him and a platonic soulmate he was living with. Robin, Eddie, and Steve had decided to go in on an apartment together because they were ready to turn the page and leave the bad of Hawkin’s behind. Steve missed the kids a lot but they would visit often making it a little bit easier. Tonight was one of those nights, the kids had come over to watch a movie. Max and Eleven were teaching him and Robin how to make friendship bracelets because “you guys have to match somehow.” He took in the moment the love in his home, his family surrounding him and he found he had no reason to fear being alone. Yes, he was on his own but he could face this, he was on his own just as he always had been.  Just as he had in that big house for a small kid missing the presence and comfort of his parents. Yet, he realized that now he was far from being alone.

Anddd…that's a wrap!!! I had so much fun writing this and hope you all enjoyed reading it. I plan for a small epilogue because I just live for these guys so that should be coming in a couple days. Let me know any thoughts you have or just cry with me, It doesn't matter. I’m just glad those who would have stuck around and read this have enjoyed it. Thank you for indulging me and sharing the Steddie brain rot. :)

Tag List:

@swimmingbirdrunningrock

@barking-at-the-m00n

@acasualcrossfade

[payservewomen]

It’s official. I’ve genuinely become addicted to a self destructive gumbo of humiliation, findom, and femdom. But it’s far more than that…..I’ve purchased and watched countless “negative affirmation” videos, all of which are designed to cause real emotional pain.

I’ve come to learn that most of the men who are in similar situations, are far less self aware than I am.

I fully understand how and why I gravitated towards various types of self harm. Most of the men I’ve talked to….they are in denial, unaware of obvious issues they’re facing….or they simply have vastly different reasons that they hate themselves…understandable reasons.

At least they make sense! But me? I lost my virginity at 17yo, and had regular sex w/my girlfriend, who I broke up with several months later…I began dating another woman, only weeks later and we started fucking 2months later….I fell madly in love with her….

Years later, I was engaged to a rich woman…tbh she was far more in love with me, than I was her…Point is, I’ve had a relatively normal sex life, until my then fiancée, Emma, dumped me. I was 30yrs old. I’m turning 41 in less than 2 weeks, and Emma was the last girl I fucked..Successfully anyway

1 week after she dumped me, a sexy friend did sit on my cock…but only 1 pump and I wasn’t hard enough to continue. We continued hanging out, drinking etc…but i never tried anything…neither did she

Years later I fucked an extremely obese woman I wasn’t attracted to at all…I lasted much longer this time, maybe even close to a minute, and I was so exhausted, and went limp once again….

Over the next couple years, I went to massage parlors, mostly getting awful handjobs, from old women.

I tried having sex twice….and you guessed it! Not only did I go limp, but I never even got fully erect in the first place!

Oh wait, and another time….u already know what happened…

Past few years, I’ve paid women to be cruel to me. I’ve been beaten badly, had clothing taken from me, having to walk miles home in a thong and tank top. I’ve served as an ash tray, I’ve licked the bottoms of shoes…I’ve purchased used panties online, as well as garbage. Yes, I have paid $30 for pretty girls literal garbage…..I’ve humiliated myself for sadistic women’s amusement…Used my toothbrush in and on my asshole, then brushed my teeth…I chewed up raw eggs, then spit the egg onto my dirty floor, then slurped it back up, spit it into my hands and rubbed it all over my face, then continued edging myself until it all dried.

Look at what I just wrote! It’s all 100% true and there’s plenty more. How can I possibly think that there’s any real chance that I’ll beat this addiction?!

The chances are that I’ll continue paying the domme I serve. Yesterday she told me how much she hates me….and def won’t let me forget how disgusting my body is, and how ugly I am….I’m so desperate to please her…I def think she’s greatly enjoyed bullying me…especially when extremely violent. It seems to escalate every other time, and she recently posted a vid of a girl kicking a guy hard it the face, and she implied she wanted to do that.

I’m scared in many ways, but excited….There really isn’t anything I can think of that I would flat out refuse to do, if she told me to….Like what if one day she tells me to eat her shit? I do not in any way shape or form have a fetish for scat either…but I know that I would put her shit in my mouth, and at least try to swallow it….I am aroused at the thought of eating her boogers or period blood….As I type this, I feel such extreme shame…My dick is very slightly erect but I won’t stop tugging on it

Figure I should flick my balls, because ofc that’s what a loser as pathetic as me deserves

[whentherewerebicycles]

I wake up multiple times at night (I have to pee all the time lol) but it’s usually pretty random except for my without-fail 4am wakeup. I have no idea what happens in my body or in my house at 4am but every night without fail I jolt awake, roll over to check my phone, and discover it is somewhere between 4:00 and 4:03am. SO WEIRD. anyway usually I put on a Calm recording and fall back asleep pretty fast but this morning I was awake for ages and now I am soooo sleepy. at least it’s a WFH day I guess. here goes:

6:30-8:30 work emails, write, send grant update, email BW

8:30-10 shower, breakfast, think about therapy goals

10-11 therapy

11-12am student presentation (put it on in the background and work on slides. do NOT overthink this do NOT get clever & creative just do the simplest version and get it done so I’m not scrambling tomorrow)

12-2 eat lunch, finish slides, take the dogs for a 30-40 min walk, follow up about website

2-3 leadership mtg

3-4 AU mtg

4-4:40 take dogs out, change into workout clothes, eat a quick snack

4:45-6 try out this weights class

watch the rest of the hockey game if it’s going well, quick shower, maybe make basil-ginger stir fry (or easy egg & avocado bagel sandwich?), write a bit hmm, read read read!

I am nervous but hopeful about the weights class! I really need to get back into a consistent exercise routine and if I can afford it/if it seems like a good class I would love to go 2-3x a week and then TRY to get myself to start jogging again. the short cold days combined with the fact that I’m still kinda dragging with light fatigue is making it real hard to get out there and get started. but ok baby steps baby steps.