#i've been reminded that i'm gay as shit

[allanalightwood]

supernatural season 14 episode 10

dean: "How come you always have a boyfriend?"

pamela: "How come you always want what you can't have?"

BITCH????? THE FUCK YOU MEAN WHAT YOU CAN'T HAVE? MOTHERFUCKER?

PAM KNEW SHIT I TELL YA

[naranjapetrificada]

In this weird wonderful AU Georg fandom that is OFMD we have so many beautiful options. I was never, ever an AU type until now, but I truly can't get enough. Just last night I stayed up entirely too late because I finally got into Wave Hello to the Void, which on its face should absolutely positively not be My Thing, but the AUs we're blessed with here seem to always break that rule (especially with mxmollusca involved because holy shit have you read In Favor With Their Stars yet???).

We're so incredibly lucky y'all. I've been in fandom spaces for a long time but I've never felt this lucky.

We get different takes on time travel. We get the multiverse (and in so many beautiful forms). We get thought-provoking fantastical allegories and devastating (but often hopeful?) prequels with fascinating studies of character and fascinating takes on soul mates. We get complete fantasy overhauls that are gem-like in the beauty and precision of their prose and world-building. We get darling modern AUs and heartwrenching (but still ultimately happily-ending) modern AUs and modern AUs in basically every possible permutation, including ghost stories.

We get dystopias and apocalypses and post-apocalypses, meditations on love and existence, metafictional experiments in Not-RPF that draw even the biggest RPF skeptics (*points to self*) in, leaving us to wrestle with fundamentally altered attitudes toward storytelling that we may never be able to reconcile. Hell, even the missing scenes, canon-divergence, and fix-its hit different. Not to mention westerns with outlaws and cowboys, an archetype which conveniently also manages to scratch the proverbial pirate itch.

Even though pretty much every fandom has these things, for me at least they've never felt quite so imaginative and well-executed. We're so lucky to be here, to be writing for each other and reading for each other and for many of us, feeling creative for the first time in years or even decades. The gay pirates did that for us, because good source material can be the key to great fan works. And whether or not we get a third season, as much as they can't take the show from us, they also can't take away the gift that getting to experience all these fanworks has been. That's something I'm going to keep reminding myself while we wait.

and idk maybe tell your cowboy fanart friends that Ed can also ride horses as a steppe warrior or whatever

[la-petite-lapin]

Double the Love | Part Five

Double the Love masterlist

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Johnny "Soap" MacTavish x female civilian!OC Word Count: 2.5k Series warnings (may change between chapters): 18+ Minors DNI, angst, mentions of death, mentions of violence, injury description, eventual explicit sexual content, polyamory, M/M/F, FMC is bad at feelings, miscommunication, Ghostie is home

The apartment walls are thin

Last night, I dreamt about sleeping with them.

It's not even the first time I've dreamt about sex with Johnny and Ghost. Of seeing Ghost's face unimpeded by masks or shadows. Of hearing up-close the throaty groans that Ghost draws out of Johnny nightly. And, if anything, it's only worsened by the moans that drift from their room down the hall in the night-time hours.

"Well that's not very good," Winnie clarifies, stating the obvious as usual, voice filling the room. Usually, I'd call her with my airpods in, but Ghost is in Russia, and Johnny is at a check-up for his stitches. Which means that I can rant to my best friend and seek advice on this incredibly fucked up situation. "Jesus, Tali."

I roll my eyes even though she can't see me. "Yeah, no shit."

"Hey, don't take your frustration out on me. I don't want to fuck them; that's all you." There's a beat of silence before, "Right, I have questions."

"Don't we all," I say exasperated, my head falling back onto my pillow with a muted thud.

Winnie clears her throat. "Well... are they gay? Or are they bi?"

"I don't know. Haven't asked."

"Okay. Have they been flirting with you or anything?"

"I don't know."

Winnie exhales a heavy sigh. "Explain."

It's hard to explain. The possibility is in the subtle things; the casual brushes against me as they walk past, the unnecessarily prolonged eye contact, the inside jokes. But it's never overt. Everything is just a little on the far side of friendly, but not so far as to be awkward or out of line.

"Johnny's started napping on the sofa with his head in my lap. And sometimes he rubs my shoulders while we watch TV." I think back to what happened three nights ago, just before Ghost left for Russia with John and Gaz. "And then the other night I was doing the dishes. Johnny started drying them like he normally does, but... Ghost came in too."

There's an almost comically long pause on Winnie's end of the line. "Then what happened?"

"He started talking but I didn't know he was there. I dropped the knife I was holding and when I tried to grab it, I sliced my hand open. Ghost patched me up."

I think back to it. Ghost was attentive and diligent as he sterilised the wound with some alcohol wipes from their first aid kit, pulling the raw edges of my skin closed with butterfly stitches. The entire time, his touches were gentle and caring, his free hand running soft, gentle lines along the back of my injured palm with his index finger.

It reminded me of the thing he does to soothe Johnny sometimes. The casual intimacy of it.

"Tali," Winnie says, her tone an admonishing one, "what have I told you about those bloody knives? You need to be careful with them." She sucks in a breath. "But I am surprised. If anything, I'd have thought that would Johnny patching you up."

"Exactly." A spark of something flares deep within my chest. "Ghost isn't a tactile person at all. Johnny tried to help but Ghost wouldn't let him near me. Said he wanted to do it himself. And he called me love."

Winnie makes a noise akin to a purr. "Oh dear. I mean, if it helps, I'm picking up on some vibes here too. Is it worth just asking them where you stand?"

Before I can open my mouth to answer, the front door opens and a cheerful "honey, I'm home!" rings out through the apartment. Hurriedly, I take the phone off speaker and press it against my ear. "Johnny's back."

"I figured," she giggles.

"Can I call you back later?"

We say our goodbyes, with Winnie agreeing to call me in the evening once she's had her dinner. With the call ended, I hop off of my bed and pad out into the hallway.

Johnny is standing in the living room with shopping bags hanging from both hands. There's a beaming grin on his face, his eyes shining. "I hope ye did'nae mind. I did some shopping for us."

I rush over to take the bags from him and place them down on the counter. "Thanks, Johnny. How was the appointment?"

"It went well." He follows me into the kitchen, taking up a large amount of space with his muscular build. "I'm even better for seeing ye though, bonnie."

Heat rises to my face as he takes my injured hand in his, folding his fingers around my wrist loosely and guiding my palm into his line of sight. With a feather-light touch, he runs a single fingertip along my butterfly stitches, checking on Ghost's handiwork. Then - as if satisfied that they're holding up - he drops my hand and moves past me, his front pressing against my back for a brief breath-stealing moment, as he starts to put the groceries away.

Bonnie. That's a new one.

"Want me to cook tea tonight?" Johnny asks, moving around the space with a certainty that is so unbelievably attractive to me. He's only been living here for a week now, but he's already settled in. He knows where everything is and just how I like the kitchen arranged. It's like he's always been here.

"You don't have to." I hop up to perch on the countertop, resigning myself to the fact that he's unpacking and putting the shopping away. A few days ago, I might have tried to argue with him or step in and take over. Now, I just sit back and watch, keeping him company. "Heard anything from Ghost yet?"

Johnny nods his head, slotting the milk into the fridge. "They're coming back from Russia tonight. Probably won't be home for a couple more days though; they've got someone to interrogate at the base."

I'm so distracted by the fact that he just referred to the apartment as home that I almost miss the mention of an interrogation. I wilfully choose to ignore it; to not let my mind linger on the darker side of Ghost that he will undoubtedly be unleashing.

I'm still distracted when Johnny starts to walk towards me again, a bag of pasta in his hand. If he follows my system, it should go in the cabinet above my head. As he inches closer to me, I can see the cogs turning behind his opalescent blue eyes. I know I should move out of the way; to the side or off of the counter altogether to move myself out of his path. But I don't. And he doesn't say anything either, slotting himself firmly between my spread thighs as he opens the cabinet.

I can feel the sheer heat radiating off of his huge, muscular body. Can smell the heady, woody, and floral scent of his aftershave. The strong column of his throat is just inches away from my lips, and - up close - I can see the generous dusting of dark hair that decorates his chest and abs underneath the thin white fabric of his vest.

Instinctively, my hand rises up to rest against his abdomen, making sure to fall on his uninjured side.

"Tali," the word is mumbled, verging on breathless.

My eyes dart up to find him staring down at me. Even seated on the counter, he's taller than me, and I can't help but find the size difference unfairly hot. It makes me think about Ghost; the fact that he's even bigger. A shiver runs through me at the thought of both of them standing here, crowding me in...

Johnny's gaze is heated - something intense shining under the surface of those sweet baby blues - as he hooks a single index finger under my chin. "What's gotten into you, lassie?"

My breath catches in my throat. For a second, I question if I'm doing the right thing.

The finger leaves my chin and I'm rewarded with a gentle squeeze just above my knee. "I asked ye a question."

"I... I-" I stumble over my words like an idiot. "You've been flirting with me." The way my tone pitches up at the end makes it sound more like a question than a statement.

Johnny chuckles, eyes sparkling with humour. "Ye don't sound so sure, lovey."

I wince. My muscles tense as I pull back slightly, leaning back on my hands. "You're in a relationship with Ghost."

"Very observant of ye." He closes the cabinet with his free hand, then runs his thumb along the curve of my cheekbone, the other hand shifting slightly higher on my thigh. "I am. But I've seen the way you look at us, Tali. And I've heard ye at night." His hand brushes the very top of my thigh and my breath catches once again. His eyes darken. "The walls in this apartment are pretty thin."

All moisture leaves my mouth. Oh brilliant. Johnny, and possibly Ghost, have heard me touching myself at night. I don't know whether to feel embarrassed or turned on. And then there's the way Johnny says it; so casually - so easily - like it doesn't bother him in the slightest. Like it would be unusual if I wasn't masturbating with them just down the hall.

"Does... does Ghost know?" is the only thing I can think to ask.

Johnny grins. "Aye, he does." We're both leaning closer and closer to each other again, until I can practically feel the warmth of his mint-scented breath against my skin. "He thinks it's cute."

Cute. Like a puppy or a kitten. Something adorable.

Not sexy or hot. Adorable.

Embarrassment hits me, jagged and icy, flooding through my veins. And suddenly I feel so. Fucking. Stupid.

I'm not some kind of femme fatale - not the kind of woman who can pursue one man, let alone two.

What did I expect? For Johnny to confess that they, too, have been thinking about me in less than appropriate ways and then what? There's no happy ending for me lusting after Johnny and Ghost in their committed, serious relationship - I knew that from the first night I dreamt about them. And I was mad for even thinking that maybe - just maybe - they could have been looking at me like that too.

No; they go out into parts of the world that people like me rarely ever see, putting their lives on the line to save the world. They don't want to fuck an interior designer with commitment issues, and deep-rooted family trauma.

"Okay, cool," I mumble under my breath, eyes focused on a spot on the tiled floor. I move my hand away from his side, gently pushing him away as I do so.

With a frown, he takes a step back. He looks almost hurt.

I hop down from the countertop and fold my arms across my chest, stepping back in the direction of the hallway. "I'll, um... I'll try to keep the noise down. I- I'm sorry for being a nuisance."

Johnny's face falls. "No, lassie- that..."

I'm already out of the kitchen before I can hear the rest, spinning on my heel and taking off in a brisk walk until I get to my room. With the door firmly closed, I pull my phone out of my pocket and fire off a quick text to Winnie.

TALIA KELLER: They don't feel the same.

She's online in half a heartbeat.

WINSLOW SLOANE: Wait WINSLOW SLOANE: What happened? TALIA KELLER: Was helping Johnny put the food shopping away. He told me that him and Ghost can hear me in my room at night and that Ghost thinks it's "cute". TALIA KELLER: It was so fucking mortifying. WINSLOW SLOANE: Oh Tali :( WINSLOW SLOANE: Context is key, baby. Maybe cute is a good thing. Does Ghost strike you as a man who thinks that many things are cute?

I tip my head back. No matter the positive spin that Winnie wants to try and put on this, I'm still not seeing it.

So, I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling icky and embarrassed. And wondering how Winnie would feel about sound-proofing the entire apartment.

I'm out for a walk when Ghost comes home.

When I get in, his massive combat boots are tucked in neatly next to the door. I don't immediately see him, or Johnny for that matter, and it's something that sends an unexpected spike of disappointment through me. Which makes me frown because this isn't me. I don't get like this with people - not even Winnie. I avoid commitment and co-dependency at all costs because I know that one day it will come back to bite me.

I think about how I used to wait for Alex to come home, practically counting down the minutes, waiting by the door for his return. I think about how I watch Marcella do the same, and now Johnny. And it's the antithesis of the life I've resolved myself to: complete independence.

I follow the sound of their voices into the kitchen, watching the domestic scene playing out before me. Johnny is pouring sparkling water into two glasses for them while Ghost stands back, his face hidden behind a black balaclava with a white skull painted across the front. Common sense dictates that it's something that should probably scare me. It doesn't.

He dips his head in acknowledgement, and I meet it with my own awkward nod.

"Tali," Ghost's voice is as gruff as ever. The mask shifts and, in the shadows cast by the overhead lights, I can make out a hint of a smile playing on his face underneath the masks. "How've you been?"

"I've been okay. How was Russia?"

"How's your hand?" He completely bypasses my question, as if I never even spoke.

For a moment, I just stare at them, waiting for Ghost to answer me first. When it becomes clear that isn't going to happen, I say, "It's okay. Hasn't fallen off yet, anyway."

Johnny lets out a snort of laughter. "Someone's in a sarcastic mood. Good thing Ghostie is home, aye?"

A beat of silence passes, his words hanging in the air between us.

"So, how was Russia?" I repeat, cocking my head to one side.

Ghost lets out a weary sigh, bracing his hands on the counter, shoulder's width apart. Out of the corner of my eye, I swear I can see Johnny's body tensing up. "It was interesting. We didn't find what we thought we'd find. That's all I can say. Rest is classified." It's a lot more than I was expecting anyway, and probably the most forthcoming he's been with me since the day they moved in. "But I will say that I missed you lot. Both of you."

"You don't have to include me out of pity," I snap impulsively. It's so obvious to me that Johnny's told him what happened that night in the kitchen. For reasons I can't fully articulate, it makes me angry.

Ghost's eyes darken at that, and suddenly I can see what those men in Russia must have seen; a huge, pissed-off man, clad in a skull mask and all black clothes. A man you probably shouldn't be riling up knowingly.

It sends a thrill down my spine and my palms start to sweat.

"Don't start, love," he growls, "I'm not in the mood tonight."

I stutter and stumble over a comeback, but it dies in my throat when Ghost crosses the apartment, leaving an amused-looking Johnny standing halfway between the kitchen and the living room.

"Yeah, Johnny's told me all about the shit you've been giving him while I've been gone. Avoiding him and not answering when he tries to check on you." He comes to a complete stop in front of me, towering over my much smaller frame and levelling me with a serious look. It doesn't escape my attention that he must be over six-and-a-half feet tall and verging on two-hundred pounds of pure, solid muscle. "Misbehaving for him." A single, large paw of a hand comes up to brush over my shoulder, skimming up to rest lightly on my throat. There's no grip there though; it's a hold so gentle that I could break it just by stepping back. "That ends now, princess."

I will myself to come to my senses, but I can't. Instead, I stand there, doe-eyed with parted lips, gazing up at the huge, strong soldier disciplining me. My body is trembling like a leaf in the wind and I'm wet - unignorably so.

I wonder if he knows.

His answering smirk tells me that he probably does, and there's a new lustful darkness in his tone as he adds, "Because I think we all need to sit down and have a talk, yeah?"

a/n: hey guys! sorry that this one took so long hope you enjoy this part. things are starting to heat up ;) - take care y'all, lapetitelapin

[archangeldyke-all]

can you write something about amab ceo sev and her trans identity and story, i love ceo sev sm she has my whole heart

yeah lets do it!

quick disclaimer! i'm cis, so if there's any mistakes/missteps lmk and i will fix it asap!

men and minors dni

i imagine sevika as one of those people who's just always known who they are. not just in terms of queerness, but like, just opinions and taste and personality in general.

so i think when she was a kid, she likely knew she was trans, just like she knew she liked women. she might not have had the vocabulary to name it, or known that other people feel it, but she never questioned it about herself specifically.

i dont think she would've told anyone, though.

sevika's incredibly perceptive-- she would have known, even as a kid, how talking about the different feelings she was having could upset people, or get her in trouble.

she found the words for what she'd always known to be true about herself when she was an early teenager. sevika's a big reader, and she was one of those kids who wants to know how everything works: from machines to nature to politics to society-- she'd stumble across the complexities of gender identity earlier than most kids do.

but again, she didn't tell anyone. sevika's no stranger to how horrible people can be-- she didn't want to give anybody an extra reason to fuck with her. instead, she just kept to herself, finding comfort in reading as many books and articles on queerness and transness that she could get her hands on.

she understood early on what she was up against, being a trans, gay, brown/black woman in this society. but she never let it deter her.

the second she turned fifteen she got a job as a busser at a restaurant in her town. she saved every penny-- and she worked all the time. besides the occasional pack of gum and pair of socks, the only thing sevika ever bought in was a junker of a car from her neighbor-- only $500.

she repaired it on her own during her free time. (of which, there was hardly any.)

the second she turned eighteen, sevika packed up her belongings in the backseat of her car and left her hometown never to return. it was now that she could finally start living her truth.

with her saving she managed to get an apartment to lease for a few months while she scrambled for a job. for a while, she was bouncing from security job to security job, but then she managed to snag a stable position as a saleswoman.

with her new job she got benefits. a 401k and healthcare.

she started going to therapy at, like, 20. again-- sevika's incredibly self aware. she was laying in bed staring at the ceiling once night, and she just thought to herself 'huh, you know, i've kinda been through a lot. i'm kinda going through a lot. i should... probably go to therapy.' and then she just did.

it took her a few tries to find a good therapist, but then she met a four foot tall little old lady who looked like mrs. clause but cursed like a sailor. sevika fell in love the moment they met.

mrs. clause-- or dr. walsh-- was a no-nonsense, no-bullshit kind of lady. each time sevika would try to downplay her achievements or doubt herself, dr. walsh would throw a crumbled postit at her face and rant-encourage-remind sevika about her strength and bravery.

with dr. walsh's help, sevika started to see her future as something that could be... positive. she'd been so focused on escaping the past, she forgot she could look forward. but once she did-- she was exhilarated.

it was definetly an, 'oh, shit, i can do anything i fucking want' moment for her.

she knew that she had it in her to do it-- she'd proven it to herself time and time again-- now she just had to decide what she wanted to do.

it took her a while, a lot of research and soul searching, but by the time she was 22 she started to socially transition.

her hair'd always been long, but she finally treated herself to a visit to a salon-- getting it styled in the perfect slightly slanted bob she'd always wanted. she made a promise to herself in the parking lot that she'd never cut her own hair again, she was so fucking thrilled with the experience and the outcome. (her stylist was a huge gossip-- spent the entire time telling sevika about her sister's sex life. sevika had a blast)

she started treating herself to more clothes. custom tailored suits for the office-- blouses and button ups and fun silky ties for underneath.

(all the while, she was effortlessly climbing the ranks at work. despite the horrible office culture in a competitive environment like sales-- money talks. and sevika was outselling all her co-workers.)

she found the name 'sevika' one day completely randomly. she hadn't really given changing her name any thought until her eyes glanced over the name in contact screen of a stranger's phone-- but she couldn't get the sound of it out of her head.

at 25, sevika started to medically transition. with a lot of research, both on her and dr. walsh's end-- she started estrogen.

she was thrilled. she knew changes couldn't be seen on a day to day basis-- but she swore every day she woke up looking and feeling more and more like her.

always a gym rat-- sevika's muscular frame started to carry a little more curve.

she smiled for a full six hours the first time she noticed her ass jiggling in the full length mirrors at the gym as she did burpies.

sevika was no stranger to eyeliner having gone through a bit of an emo phase as a kid-- but beyond that she found the sensory feeling of makeup unbearable.

but when she found out that there was such a thing as tattoo-able makeup-- you bet your ass she made an appointment. it hurt like a bitch but it was worth it when she could have perfectly defined dark lips all throughout the day no matter how many coffee cups she sipped from or chicken burritos she sank her teeth into.

at work, sevika had worked her way up so high the ranks that nobody dared to give her shit anymore. and when they did-- she just fired them.

she spent her late 20s dating around. she had a few girlfriends and a lot of flings, but nothing ever really worked for her. it did give her a shit-ton of confidence though.

the more herself she became-- both in her body and in her job and in her bed-- the bigger and brighter her future seemed.

this isn't to say she never had shitty days. she had plenty. some she journaled about, some she cried about, some she boxed about, some she called dr. walsh about. the worst ones she drank about-- though as she was growing up the hangovers were making this one less tolerable.

people are assholes. dysphoria is a fucking asshole. sevika's boss was an asshole. but when she felt close to drowning-- when she felt the grief and sadness and the self-destructive urges creep up-- she just closed her eyes and thought of herself at fourteen-- cooking up a plan to get as far away from home as she could. she imagines herself meeting teenage-sev, telling her all the things she'd come to do, (and all the girls she'd come to do, if you know what i mean, wink wink, nudge nudge) and she imagines how fuckin' proud little emo-acne-riddled-brace-face sevika would be of her.

it works every time.

on her thirtieth birthday, she bought herself a breast augmentation. she loved her tits-- but she just wanted a little more. she wanted to have to wear a bra under her silky button ups, instead of it being optional. but once she got them done she was so fucking thrilled she didn't want to wear a bra under her button ups. (she did, of course, because wasn't trying to cause an hr nightmare at work.)

when dr. walsh died-- sevika was devastated. there were a few months there where she was in complete depression. she made no attempt to find a new therapist-- she took as much paid time off from work as she could, just to sit around her house alone.

but then one night-- sevika swears on her life-- dr. walsh visited her in a dream with a message

'you better get your shit together girl! don't let all my hard work go to waste!'

sevika woke up the next morning laughing and crying, and she was back at work the next day.

she found a new therapist, and she forced herself to make new friends, suddenly aware that the only person in the world who knew her had died.

she started hanging out with some of her more tolerable co-workers, and she was shocked to realize that most of them were... actually pretty cool.

she started taking herself out to dinner-- just her and a book-- just so she could spend more time with herself.

she made it a point to take a vacation once every six months.

and when the ceo of her company stepped down, she was riding on a high. she was feeling good about life, so she decided: fuck it.

and she applied for the open position.

and then she got the job.

and at thirty five, sevika finally felt like she was in her bright future-- not just working towards it.

the night before her first night on the job-- sevika's mind was racing.

there were so many changes she needed to make, so many ideas she had to implement in the company. not to mention the fact that she had to buy furniture for her new office, and find an assistant-- and a good assistant is really fucking hard to come by-- and was she sure she could really do this job in the first place? what if she made a mistake accepting it-- what if she can't handle it--

sevika cut her racing thoughts off, scrubbing her face. she took a second to breathe, then she conjured up little-sev in her mind to give her an update and get a pep talk.

who the fuck are you? little teenage sevika asked, huffing as she had to shove her headphones off her ears.

'i'm you, jackass.'

...woah. we look... hot...

'duh.'

how did that happen?

'moved away, worked hard, got lucky, got rich.' sevika says, watching her younger self's eyebrows rise.

shit... look at our tits!

'i know-- they're great, right?'

fuck yeah. well... whaddya want?

'wanted to tell you we just got promoted to ceo.'

...really?

'yeah. we start tomorrow.'

...us?

'yeah. we're like... kind of a big deal now.'

...woah.

'yeah woah.'

then, just as she's about to drift off to sleep, sevika's mind speaks again.

...soooo... have we met our wife yet?

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby

[dogstarmoonheart]

Im pissed here ⬇️ This is a rant made mid-rage

written after an encounter with one of those bloggers who hate everything that isn’t canon and dislikes Wolfstar and throws up from the thought of Jegulus (?).

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

First of all, there are a lot of tropes I don't really like and that I don't take part of. I, for one, like my Lupin awkward and scrawny, not like a cool casanova. I struggle to see the beauty of making Regulus all soft and dovy, as his personality from the start has been based on the fact that he's cold, hurt and uptight. I have never read Y/N as I feel conflicted with the arrangement. WITH THAT SAID, I feel no bloody need to point out, complain or talk poorly about those who do enjoy these things.

I'm a big jily fan. I was 13 (isch??) when I entered the fandom and back then “jegulus” wasn’t a thing. (I've grown to enjoy the "jegulus ship" though, and some of my favorite fics are jegulus-centered.)

I get people being like:

“huh jegulus? how would that even???”

and I also get people who hold onto jily like a life jacket.

BUT for the love of the gods, that doesn't mean people need to be such c*nts.

“This fandom has gotten out of hand”

“I don’t like it when people make ships that aren’t canon” (????? why are you here then?????)

and also people who are so butt-hurt bc. of adaptions and interpretations, like??? what do you think a fandom does???

“That character would never act like that” DO YOU FUCKING KNOW THEM PERSONALLY??

“that’s not realistic at all” your mom’s not realistic at all.

“rosekiller is so offensive” YOU ARE OFFENSIVE

you’re literally 40 go AWAY.

If you want it to be 100% accurate to the books, read. the. fucking. books??????

I’m not speaking for those who change a character to unrecognition, but I stumble upon people who are still mad about Wolfstar??? And it pisses me off dawg. It pisses me off.

Don’t attack people who enjoy non-canon queerness or a cool Remus Lupin or (gods forbid) a kind ratboy (you know he’s my everything)

Kindly piss off Karen (of course not if ur lovely, and happen to be named Karen, you stay right where you are <3)

Sorry, I had to get that out of mi system. Just think it’s bollocks that people can’t just sit back and shut up.

FYI: This house (blog) is safe to all and I hope ye kno’ that nasty hags are just hiding their weird ass values behind the statement “it’s not canon”. They themselves are mucky. They are a bad joke with a borin' punchline ;)

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •• • • • • • • •

I wanted to share this cuz even if it might not make complete sense (as I wrote it in fury at 3 am) it’s a good enough reminder that yeh should stay gay, stay loud, and keep making old angry people mad. Ship weird shit and idk..make James an emo just to piss somebody off, who gives a shit.

kisses my sweets

[kekaki-cupcakes]

Morning! So this week is ace week (I’ve been told. Not sure)

Could I please ask for nico’s cool laidback and flirty older brother coming out to Nico as ace please? 👉🏼👈🏼

And he’s kinda worried Nico will take it the wrong way? Especially since he was like mico’s “gay flirty cool idol” and he fears telling him he’s ace will disappoint Nico?

Thanks and, obviously, no pressure!

Love your content 🫶

Happy ace week!

heya.... long time no see?

So this may have been requested back in October and I've only just written it up now but, oh well, I really like how this has turned out and I've actually finished three one shots in the last few days so maybe I'm on a roll or smthn, idk. And just a reminder [cause everyone seems to be venting thru these fics lol] that I'm always here to chat &lt;3

soggy socks and femur bones--- Nico di Angelo & asexual big brother!reader »»————-　★　————-««

Nico trudged up the stairs and glared at the closed cabin door.

He took a breath, and then slammed it open, kicking off his muddy boots because Will had decided that of course having a picnic in the middle of the forest after a storm was an intelligent plan.

Water formed a puddle by his soggy socks when he wrung out his jacket and wiped his hands on his pants with a huff. 

Hazel’s witchcraft candles everyone was silently hoping and pleading to their godly parents weren’t for another curse, burned on the coffin-shaped bookshelves. At least they smelt like vanilla. “Yo, uh… what’s with all the…”

Nico whipped around and eyed you through his wet, stuck-together eyelashes. “Will planned the date this time.”

“…And?” You grinned, sitting forwards and closing the lid of your secret [it wasn’t really a secret at this point] laptop. There was a bag of chocolates on your lap as well. And you were dry. 

He raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“How did it go? Did you kiss? Do I have to dig his grave? I mean I will,” you said with a shrug, and then winced. “But I need someone to keep giving me painkillers… It’s not my fault Austin did a shit job at ripping my molars out.”

“He was fine. You just refuse to stop eating salt and vinegar chips,” Nico argued, and glanced at empty packets in the bin by your bed. 

You shook your head stubbornly. “No, no my gums are infected cause Au-”

“It was fine!” Nico shrieked, and stomped into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. He slammed it too far though, and it bounced back open on its hinges. He glared at the heart-shaped mirror someone had written ‘love yourself babes’ on. Three guesses who. 

“…So… did you kiss?”

Nico glared at the mirror harder. The long scratches across his face had faded. Now they were just a few shades darker than his olive skin. “Why would I tell you?”

“Uh, cause I’m your gay icon,” you scoffed, and he heard the sound of chocolate wrappers crinkling. “Who else would you talk to about this?”

Nico uncapped the mango-flavored toothpaste [Hazel had discovered artificial flavors and was going to be buried with them] and squeezed some onto his toothbrush. At least half of the bristles had fallen out. Probably because of the fact children of Hades, or Pluto, had sharper than necessary canines. Something to do with vampires.  

He shrugged. “Jason.”

“Okay that hurt,” you said. You were quiet for a moment. “And, uh… about the whole…”

He rolled his eyes and brushed his teeth, orange foam dripping down his chin as he spoke. “We kissed. Shut up.”

“… I will definitely be teasing you about that later, remind me too, but that… wasn’t really what I meant,” you said. From what Nico could tell, you sounded nervous. Like, genuinely. That was odd. 

Nico narrowed his eyes. 

“I just, I kinda wanted to tell you something.”

He spat out the fruit toothpaste and rinsed his mouth out with the black and white retro Addams family mug you had ordered online when you saw it, because ‘what else is pocket money for?’. “…Well?”

You tapped your nails on your laptop, probably chipping the polish your aphrodite friends had done on sleepover night. Nico usually spent that night hiding in Bunker 9 while Leo built his latest bomb. Or a Monster-proof phone. Or both. “You aren’t very good at this, are you?”

“Jason hasn’t got to the emotional conversations bit of teaching me how to be a human yet. We’re still at the how to flirt with Will part. Apparently, I’m not very good at it.” Nico said.

“That I can believe.” You muttered. “Anyway, what I was gonna say is… well it’s actually been ages but I sorta didn’t wanna tell you cause then maybe you wouldn’t feel like you could relate to me as much and I really like it when we eat icecream and cry together.”

Nico frowned. “I haven’t cried in three years.”

“…Okay, that’s a problem.” You said. Your voice cracked.

“You just walk up to me and start sobbing and then I feed you Ben and Jerry’s to shut you up.” Nico said, leaving the bathroom and throwing his drenched clothes over the portable heater in the corner, by the snake’s tank. Dracula was a yellow python that everyone stuck banana stickers to on a daily basis. 

You threw your hands up in the air. “See! It’s already happening and I haven’t even told you yet!”

Nico scrunched up his nose and put some of Dracula’s food into the tank. Meaning, a dead rat. “Told me what?”

“That I’m Ace!”

He stared at Dracula.

“Like, like Asexual, you know,” you said quietly, and chuckled. You did sound nervous. “I taught you about that one, didn’t I?”

Nico shrugged. Every sexuality and gender ever discovered. It had been a very long lesson. But he had got to watch Good Omens. And some lesbian Bollywood movies too, with awesome soundtracks. “Yeah.”

You kept tapping your fingers on your laptop.“…You’re not reacting that much.”

“Would you prefer it if I started crying?”

“Yes, actually. How have you not cried in three years? We need to do something about that.” You said, very obviously trying to change the subject. 

Nico sat down on the puffy duvet next to you.

“I’m not going to cry…” Nico said, looking away at the posters Hazel had pinned to her wall with throwing knives made of femur bones. He ducked his head. “And… I’m not gonna, like, not want to hang out with you anymore… You’re still, like, my favorite brother, or whatever.”

You whipped around, eyes wide. Your eyeliner was smudged. “Aw!”

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” Nico screeched, and dodged the hug.

You managed to wrestle him into a hug despite his clawing and shrieking, and rolled around with him in the mound of teddies and chocolates. “You love me!”

“I will bite you.”

»»————-　★　————-««

[whiskersz]

HELLOO you Definitely don't know me ;) ...but I'll still wish you luck for all the matchups <3

My name's Alexander, I go by they/them and at times he/him, I'm gay and on the ace spectrum!

I'm a pretty chill person that oscillates between too much energy and too little. I rely heavily on humor in most circumstances and I've been told I'm great at it (loads of dirty jokes, puns and absurd humor). I'm also good at improvising things as a theater and musical enjoyer. I'm a blend of emo, goth and punk, and enjoy the culture greatly. I'm very passionate about my interests, though not much confident in sharing them. I struggle with emotions a shit ton but I'm working on it!

A little (orange) birdie told me I could have both matchups, soooo. ;) I'd obviously prefer a male romantic matchup but I'm most open to either for platonic!

I love creating, mostly drawing and writing but it includes animating or sculpting and even playing piano/elec. guitar. I love chess and logic games/puzzles, as well as video games of all kinds (fantasy usually!). I also enjoy darker topics, since I'm quite fascinated by the human nature.

I love to hang out with friends, bake, watch shows, talk, etc, quality time is a big love language to me. I also like physical contact, as long as we're close!

I dislike physical activity, conflict of any kind, and loud noises/bright lights for too long. Another no are outright gore or some kind of horror (I have paranoia which can lead to a lot of anxiety.)

I don't exactly have an ideal type but they must be open-minded, ideally make me feel like they're interested in whatever I have to say, be willing to hang out and be honest!

Thank you for doing this, sending lots of love from the coolest bat in your area ;)

Hmm I wonder who this could be... ;3 As I was reading this I kept nodding to myself...like yes, very true, definitely! And it also reminded me of how intriguing of a person you are – not that I don’t think that all the time, of course.

Anyhow, enough of my silliness! Let’s move our focus on somebody else’s silliness, as I romantically match you with...

Lucifer!

Right off the bat I should mention that you and Lucifer share an interest which is creating; both of you spend the majority of your days bringing life to your little creations, so imagine how fun it would be to work together and show each other the fruits of your work at the end of each day! He is definitely enchanted by how many skills you possess, but his favorite thing is when you finish writing a story and you ask him to read it. He does so out loud, imitating the voices of each character and making you laugh by doing so. As he continues reading though, his tone shifts into a more serious one, a sincere smile remaining on his face. He doesn’t want you to think that he doesn’t take your work seriously, plus he’s genuinely fascinated by how easily you can bring to life the characters in your stories.

You love baking and he loves sweets, I couldn’t think of a better combo! Many a times you drag him into the kitchen and he follows diligently, ready to help and possibly make a bit of a mess as he’s not the most well versed in these kinds of activities. But! He definitely tries for you, passing you the ingredients as you carefully try to follow every step of the recipe correctly. He’s also a bit of a chatter box himself, so rest assured you will have a lot to talk about as you break eggs and mix the ingredients! He sometimes brings up how he misses doing these things with Charlie as well, and you kindly remind him that he’s free to invite her over to do this any time as you’ve grown quite fond of her as a friend.

Returning on the topic of Lucifer being quite talkative, he really appreciates how much your interests vary as this allows you two to have conversations about anything and everything. While I feel like some things he wouldn’t be into himself, such as video games, there’s nothing that he loves more than to listen to you excitedly talk about an interest that he’s not really familiar with, because this just means that there’s more things to learn directly from you. You of course have to do your part in listening to him talk about whatever he might be into but you’re not, though!

Lucifer adores the fact that you can play the piano and electric guitar, as he’s able to play some instruments himself! It’s not rare for you two to play together, making up songs between piano keys being pressed and bows being drawn across the strings of his fiddle. The little concerts last for hours, and they always end with you sharing a tired but satisfied kiss with each other.

If there’s something that Lucifer understands about you it’s your struggle with emotions; his own are a mess, especially seeing that he struggled with isolation and depression after he and Lilith separated, but also because his humour is generally a little unpredictable. After meeting you though he’s able to pace himself slightly as you inevitably bring joy into his life, and so he manages to be helpful in your times of need. At first he might push you a little to still spend time together even though you’re claiming you need space, but once he’s got you figured out he’s going to give you all the space that you need and let you come back to him at the end of the day, offering you a warm embrace by wrapping you up protectively with his wings. And then, with a little pun here and a light joke there, he’s going to get a smile out of you again.

Speaking of hugs, he absolutely adores them. Getting to be lazy with you and cuddling is one of his favorite activities,  as it also means not having to look after the obnoxious residents of Hell for a while. Rest assured he’s going to ask for five more minutes of cuddling with you every single morning, and if you don’t give them to him he’s definitely going to get pouty.

All things considered, Lucifer is glad he’s not alone anymore, instead he found great company in you and he appreciates all the love that you decide to show him in your unique ways. He’s of course more than willing to shower you in affection, and though he might go a little overboard sometimes, being a bit dramatic and all, you know he means well and you don’t get actually mad at him.

Platonic matchup

Now that you’ve gotten your lover, let’s move on to your platonic matchup!

Alastor!

First of all this came as a surprise to me as well, as Lucifer and Alastor don’t seem to get along very well, but allow me to demonstrate why you would get along with both!

Alastor values good manners, cordiality and intelligence a lot in others, which you all possess, in my opinion. He’s fascinated by your mannerisms just as much as you are by his, and admires the fact that you seem to have many skills. Some of them he might even take part in himself, such as playing chess and delving into darker topics. This would lead you to spending quite some time together, discussing such topics over a chess board.

The friendship between you and Alastor could be seen as unusual by most other people, but in reality it’s based on a very deep trust. You both trust each other to not cross boundaries; you don’t like physical touch from somebody who isn’t close? He’s going to respect that, he’s actually just the same. He’s not the biggest fan of sexual remarks? Sure, you’re going to be relying on other jokes, primarily puns as he seems to be a big enjoyer of those.

You and Alastor enjoy the occasional planned hang out with each other, usually opting for recitals and musicals as you both enjoy those a lot. You respect each other’s wish to quietly follow the play but at the end of it you’re very eager to have an open discussion about it.

Alastor, as the good friend that he is, also tries his best to take care of any kind of conflict that may arise while you’re together for you. Will you have to hold him back from doing anything too crazy? Sure, most of the time a little scare is enough...

He’s also pretty closed off with his own emotions, so a positive thing is that he’s never going to push you to talk about things, even in general. He does worry though, you’re his dear friend, and his way of showing it is by tolerating more than he would usually. May that be a short hug or whatever you might need from him to feel better, he’s willing to make an effort to provide it to you.

Hi! I hope you enjoyed; I made the platonic matchup a little bit shorter, I hope that’s alright, if not I can give you some more headcanons...I don’t mind at all! Tell me what you think, love you <3

[crimeronan]

"No," Adam said, "he really is an eldritch god. Like, actually. We spent some time together on the astral when he was... I mean, he's not shitting you. That's all I'm saying."

Gansey ran a thumb contemplatively over his lower lip, brow furrowed.

Hennessy, meanwhile, had other apparent priorities. "You two fucked while he was in questing spirit tentacle mode? Holy shit, Parrish. That's the most interesting thing I've learned about you. Was it hot?"

"And didn't even invite me," Gansey murmured, halfway between rueful and amused. "So. A god. That's certainly something. How does all of that affect weekly Mass?"

"Oh, Jesus," Ronan said. "Don't make me figure that shit out right now."

"Stop giving him all this credit, both of you. You're making it sound like he's the reason the earth revolves around the sun. Quit all the ego stroking, he preens enough as it is. 'Eldritch god' my ass." Hennessy pulled a pack of cigarettes from her back pocket, fished one out, and lit up. "He's a fucking fairy. Can we move on?"

Henry, sunning himself on the other side of the porch, lazily raised a hand. "Well, we already knew that."

"YES," Hennessy crowed, smacking a hand down on the concrete ground. "Yes. Thank you for appreciating my wordplay. This is the funniest thing that's ever happened, actually. Slurs eternal for Ronan Lynch."

"Remind me not to let you design my tombstone," Ronan said, slinging a leg over hers and leaning against her shoulder.

"Maybe that's why you decided to be gay as a human," Adam suggested. "Because it's really funny."

"That honestly does sound like something I'd do," Ronan agreed.

Gansey settled down on Ronan's non-Hennessy-occupied side. After a moment, he hugged Ronan tightly around the waist, forehead pressed to his shoulder. "I should have known," he said, laughing a little, breathless. "I should have known. You've always been..."

"An eldritch horror?"

Gansey laughed again. "No. Beautiful."

[instarsandcrime]

Worried Sick

So gonna start with some honesty here. This might be the most self-indulgent thing I've ever written. My theater gay ass couldn't keep away from an interpretation of a subplot from G//uys//and//Do//lls//. The idea of someone getting so worried over a Big Thing(tm) that they end up with a psychosomatic cold until the problem is resolved got me. Also Ade/laide's La/me/nt was the first thing that awoke the kink in me, so there's some BIG inspiration taken from that song and scene overall.

SO. I decided 'hey, why not' and now Lu/ci/fer gets to suffer because he definitely was not a mess when Li/lith was pregnant. Featuring a few of @glitterrosesnzz headcanons because his ideas are chaotic and I love that dearly.

Enjoy! ❤️

---

It was six months into Lilith’s pregnancy that Lucifer stopped fussing and fretting over her. Instead, to her lack of surprise, her husband had decided to spoil her rotten. And although he was increasingly sweet– and she didn’t mind a bit of pampering now and again– old habits died hard. Centuries of serving Lilith in Eden had led to the occasional reminder that yes, she was safe. And yes, her fallen guardian angel needed to step away from his duties once in a while.

Sadly, this routine was not limited to using the stairs.

"Lucifer, I'm fine."

"But Lilith–!"

"They're just sore ankles, my love. Nothing to worry yourself over." The queen giggled as she pried her husband’s grip from her waist, kissing the backs of his hands affectionately along the way.

"Okay. Gotcha. Stairs good. Ankles bad but also good. Say no more." Lucifer pulled back, wringing them as they walked. Desperately trying to keep boundaries without bursting into flames. "It's just. I mean. If you trip and fall you could get hurt. And if you get hurt the baby will get hurt! A-and if that happens– snff!"

"Then it's a good thing I won't." She added, gesturing to the bottom step beneath them.

"Oh." The obsessive rambling cut itself at the stem, an embarrassed flush blooming on his face. "I, um. I see that we've made it."

"So we have." Lilith said with a fond look. She continued her journey down the hallway with her head held high– caretaker skittering to the front and walking backwards as they went.

"Lily dear, if I could just mention one more thing?"

"It’s alright, Lucifer. Speak your mind."

"Much as I hate to say it, you've been working for hours, and bending all day might hurt your back! Ugh.” He shuddered for extra emphasis, “You should be resting, not signing documents for some stuffy Goetia noble."

"And if I were confined to writing in bed, wouldn't I still be upright?" Lilith pondered aloud.

“Well–”

“And those downy pillows can only do so much.”

"Well– well yes, but! But, I…ah, shit. I did it again, didn’t I?" Lucifer mourned. Entering the queen’s large, lavish office, the demon rushed to pull out a seat for her. “Fine, fine. You win. I trust you.”

“Good boy.” Lilith purred as she graciously accepted, leaning back to peck him on the cheek. Watching with deep affection as the great demon king all but melted into a lovestruck puddle. "You know, I have a question of my own."

"Yes, my beloved?" Lucifer’s voice sung like windchimes, still stuck in his reverie.

"How are you feeling?"

"In perfect condition, Your Highness. With just a snap of the ol’ fingers, anything in the universe will be yours. You just name it!" He smirked, adding a quick little bow for good measure.

"Ah, no. What I mean is," Lilith’s gaze softened, "are you feeling anxious about the baby?"

The air around the king of Hell froze just short of ten degrees.

"I...w-well...oh, geez. That's a-ahh...a cohh! Complicated question, isn't it?" Lucifer laughed nervously between light, hiccuping breaths.

"A simple yes or no would suffice."

"Nnnnooo..." He drawled, scratching lightly at his arm.

"...Oh. Alright." His wife answered simply, turning to her paperwork.

"Alright?" 

"If you say you are well, I will trust your judgement." Lilith picked up her pen, tip hovering just above the parchment as she peeked a glance from behind. "Although, I was wondering. Have you thought of a name for our little girl yet?”

"I! Well! Um!" He discreetly swiped at his nose, "You're certainly coming up with...w-with– Ahem! With those hard-h-hih! …hhhhitting questions today, aren’t you?"

"Then what would you propose we do for her new crib? Any toys in mind?" The queen asked, very much aware of the other losing struggle that was worsening by the second.

"You always like t-to...to think...ahehhh...aheadD'SHH'hhiu! T'shhhiew! Etch'SHIEW!" Ribbons of fire poured from between Lucifer’s fangs, and he slapped a hand over his mouth to tamper it.

"Goodness, bless you!" Lilith went to stand, but Lucifer quickly waved open a portal before she could stop him.

"Gotta go for a– kaff! a sec!" He croaked between smoking coughs, "Be back soon, I promise! Don't-- kaff kaff! Don't get up, just stay off your feet!"

And with one last flickering outburst of a sneeze, the portal closed behind him.

Alone and left to her own devices, the queen only shrugged and pushed herself upright. Well. Better late than never to confront this, she supposed.

The bathroom door slammed in a hurry and, disaster temporarily abated, Lucifer slumped against it. With a hoarse sigh he shed his illusion like snakeskin, checking the mirror for what lay underneath. Puffy eyes with dull yellow pupils and sickly red sclera. Beads of sweat rolling with every wave of nausea. Scarlet cherub cheeks shifted to gold, glowing with a feverish holy blush. Groaning over a sudden realization, the fallen angel pulled back his collar to observe tiny stars that peppered the ends of his shoulder blades to the tips of his pointed ears. Ugh, and he thought he got rid of those pox-like symptoms when his form changed. He peered under his gloves and uh-huh. Yyyep! This sucks.

Stopping to scratch his cheek, he threw open the medicine cabinet and snapped his fingers. In an instant the shelves and edges of the tub were lined with vintage bottles and beakers, assorted in colorful rows. Mortar and pestles collected in the sink, covered in all different types of thick, herbal powders. Wadded tissues overflowed a once-empty wastebin, and Lucifer quickly snatched one from a nearby box to blow, wincing at the touch of his raw nose.

"Ughh. Okay, where did I leave off?" Another flick of the wrist and piles of stacked books littered the floor, each one marked with all sorts of angelic and demonic symbols. Sitting on the counter he began to read, cotton cloth pressed to his face. "Six months of this. Unbelievable."

He read aloud half-heartedly with another soft sniffle, "Angelic flu. Patient may experience bouts of nausea that make me want to die a second time, the sudden urge to cough up a fucking lung, a rash made of stardust because of course I still get that down here, an itchy nose that won’t quihh…hihhhh...! Hih-hih-hhhit'SCHHH! It'SHIEW! HIT'SHH’HHIEW!" He fumbled to catch his book before it could hit the ground, breathing a sigh of relief. "Whew! Don’t talk about the fourth thing. Got it."

Tugged along to the instructions he opened his other palm, producing an ornate teacup that graciously fell into an equally fanciful saucer. Amber apothecary vials lifted themselves, pouring small helpings of this and that as he continued. "An easy remedy to cure the chronic organic symptoms of," his voice soured, "a feeling of insecurity and frustration caused by withheld duties-- oh, for Heaven’s sake!"

He threw the book to the ground with a loud clatter. No matter how many fancy words are written, no matter how many diagrams are shown, no matter how long he’s waited and waited around for this wonderfully delicate life to come into this world–

“ET’SCHH’HHIU! Snff! Ugh…”

He's seen the same damn result every time! It's– it’s just a small case of the sniffles. That’s all there is to it. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Lucifer?" A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. "Is everything alright? I heard something fall."

Shit!

"Just a mo-ment!" Lucifer winced at the way his voice cracked, threatening to break down in a coughing fit. Biting the bullet he downed the tea in one gulp, waving away the medical concoctions and used tissues to another existence. "I, uh– um– spilled a drihhh-drink!"

His breath suddenly hitched and he fought the urge to drag a hand down his face, silently swearing when the remedy somehow made things worse. Every inhale burned with a strong tickle, and he pinched his nose and sniffed hard in a desperate attempt to settle it.

"You spilled a drink in the bathroom?" Lilith asked, voice tinged with quiet amazement.

Lucifer cringed as he finished the magic touches on his starry spots, "...Yes?"

The door clicked, and his guest stepped through the threshold with the sweep of her wrap dress. She circled every nook and cranny, taking in its shimmering appearance. Her gaze moved to her husband– put together and pristinely dressed, boasting a huge grin. In short, everything around her was absolute perfection.

How unnerving.

"I suppose you will be joining me in my office?"

"Your-- oh!" Lucifer nodded stiffly,  "Of course, of course! I just need more ti...t-tihhh...time– Ahem! Oh dear, 'scuse me. Had a little bit of a t-tickle there."

"I would love to invite you back," Lilith’s brow furrowed, "but it might do you well to take your own advice and get some rest."

"Hm? Did I do some...s-somethihhh...hih! S-something I shouldn’t have?" He swallowed, fighting the urge to close his fluttering eyelashes.

"No– at least, not until today. I hate to do this darling," His wife crouched, holding a handkerchief of her own, "but you missed a spot."

Before he could think Lilith wiped at the angry flush that brightened the bridge of his nose like it were a smudge of dirt, and the reaction was immediate. Lucifer gasped, eyes lined with irritated tears. "W-wait! Let's talk abouhhh...a-about thihhh…!"

"Poor thing." Lilith sighed, moving to brush the rim of his nostrils. "It's so sensitive now, too."

And with that, she kissed the tip, helping her husband hold the cloth as he snapped at the waist.

"Het'shhh! 'Tchiew! 'Tsshhh! Hit'chh-tshh!-tshhh-het'shhh! Heh'TSHHH! H-hih...H-hih!...waihhht-- 'tshh-tch! slow dowhh- down-- Hih'kschh! please-- Het'Schhh!" He begged to himself, sadly to no avail. His illusions went down, and so did his strength. "Hih-hih-hit'SCHH'HIEW! HT'SCHHH-'Tsh!-'TSH! 'TSHHHIEW! Hehhh-Ht'CHT! HET’TCHHH'hiew-TSHHH'HIEW! H-hehh- c-cad't- Het'CHHHIEW! stoh-huh!...st-stohhp...HIT'SCHHH'HHIU! Hih-hih-Hih! Hhh...ghhh..."

A slender finger pressed just underneath his twitching nose, and all that was left of the uncontrollable fit was a shaky, tired breath. "Thadk you. Snff!"

He blinked his vision into working order, bashfully taking the handkerchief to let loose another blow. All the while gentle claws stroked loose, damp locks back into place.

"How long has this been going on?"

"Three-- kaff! Th-three days."

Lilith raised an eyebrow.

"One month?"

She crossed her arms. “Try again.”

"...Six months." He cleared his throat. "But that doesn't matter! I don't have any responsibilities at the moment, and you're taking the brunt of well-- everything! Your work, the pregnancy. You should be focusing on yourself, not worrying about me."

"What? No!" Lilith took a seat on the porcelain rim of the tub, scooping the fallen angel into her lap with a warm embrace. "No, no, don’t neglect yourself for my sake. You have every right to feel nervous too."

"Nervous?"

"Of course." She urged, "Nervous that you may be a bad father, perhaps?"

"Wh--" Lucifer huffed out a laugh, scratching at his neck. "Don't be absurd! I-I don't think about that! Nehhh...heh! Snff! Never."

"Oh?" Lilith tilted her head curiously, "So the rambling, fussing, and conveniently timed illness means nothing?"

"Nnnnope! Nuhh-snff! Nothin’." The demoness nearly jumped out of her skin as large pillars of books reappeared in a flash of holy light.

"I just stopped my search at angelic flu-- which was a bust, by the way.” Lucifer continued, picking up a book to smack the cover in frustration. “That eliminates most heavenly illnesses. I didn't check curses yet, but I've got a hunch it's some type of plague. Those are all the rage on Earth these days. Actually, when we start using the stroller, should our little girl be outside on walks when another case carries over? She could get sihh-hih!...s-sick just from br-brea- snff! breathing. Can you imagine–…imagine thahh...th-that?"

"Darling." She tilted his chin upwards with a teasing smile, breaking him out of his thoughts. "Be careful. Talking about the baby too much will send you into a fit."

"Pfft! What, me? Noooo! Sure, I just think about her once in a while and wor-- consider! Consider the fact that I might mess up. And when I consider the fact that I might mess up, I tend to...to sn...s-sneehh...! Heh!"

Lucifer pushed himself from her grip, pitching helplessly into slowly soaking fabric. "Het'chiu! Hih'tchhh'hiew! Hihhh...hih! HITCHIEW!" With every sneeze his demon horns grew until they cradled Lilith’s cheeks.

"I warned you, didn't I?" His beloved huffed, rubbing a hand on his back while his breaths began to calm.

"Ughhh…Sorry 'bout thahh-hah-h-hhhah! HAT’SHHHIEW! HET’KSHHHOO! Hhheh…hihhh-hih!…ohhh…" He moaned, punctuating his misery with a loud, gurgling blow.

"If it helps break this 'curse' in any way," Lilith scratched at the base her patient's horns, and his twisted expression finally relaxed, breathing a dreamy sigh. "I think you'll make a great father."

"Mmm? Why's that?" He slurred, leaning into the touch.

"Because our child isn't born yet, and you've already worried yourself sick over her." Wide eyes snapped open, and Lilith pursed her lips to bite back a laugh.

"Ugh, that pun was terrible. Even for me." Lucifer pouted dramatically, collapsing against her. 

“I love you too.”

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol 23

Howdy y'all!

If you're new here this is every new (to me) fic I read this week and some of my silly lil thoughts about them.

I did some catching up on series this week and also did some writing so I've only got 12 fics for you this week! I read a lot of dark shit this week, but that's October for ya. There's still some sweetness in here somewhere if you aren't into dark stuff and I've made sure to mark everything appropriately (I think).

As always you can find all my previous fic recs here.

Recs below the Pedros!

Apple - a Frankie/Santi/Will one shot by @romana-after-dark

You are married to Santi and you have a CNC kink he very happily obliges. You set up a thing where Santi, Will, and Frankie pretend to be home invaders and they gangbang you. Stuff goes a lil sideways and it ends up being NC/DC. This was wonderfully unsettling. I love how there's this strand of believability that they don't intentionally overstep her boundaries. It's dark and scary and feels very real.

sam and diane, eat your heart out a Marcus Pike one shot by @chronically-ghosted

You've been working with Marcus for a while and finally wrapped up the case you were on. You've almost given up ever getting what you want with him when finally!! You both admit your feelings for each other. Cue steamy office make out sesh with thigh riding. I loved the will they won't they shit in the beginning. The frustration makes the pay off so good.

i am touchin', i am grabbin', everything I can't be havin' - a Dieter one shot by @chronically-ghosted

You show up at the doorstep of your long time but estranged family friend Dieter Bravo, soaking wet and with nowhere else to go. You've known him so long you call him Uncle Dee, no I'm not kidding. I almost didn't click on this bc like UNCLE?? But he's not really your uncle and I cannot express enough how fucking hot this was. Like Dieter is just so fucking good this OH MY GOD. If you love Dieter, read this. You'll love it.

Recovery Road - a Dieter series by @chronically-ghosted

Dieter finally gets his shit together, he's clean and married and working on a new project. His costar (you) is a cunt fr. You're on drugs, you're a brat, and you're a mess. And Dieter can't stay away from you. When his wife gets fed up with him and humiliates him in public, you're there to catch him... and ruin his sobriety, his marriage, and maybe everything else. I have a couple chapters left of this but OH MY GOD. I was so MAD at Dieter, but also so sad for him. Don't take that as me saying I didn't love this because I did. I do. It's so beautifully written. The pain and angst and desperation and everything is so powerful, this hurts to read. And the smut? Mind altering actually.

a revolting development - a Joel series by @chloeangelic

Your new step dad is really hot... and that's gonna be a problem. I've been reading so many step dad fics lately (not just Joel!) and I'm so into it and what is wrong with me?

The Rogue Who Coaxed You - a Joel series by @atticrissfinch

You're Joel's secretary and you suck him off while he fields a phone call from his wife! We love an infidelity fic round these parts, we really do. Reader is filthy, Joel is mean, there's a lot of degradation, the works. I'm so obsessed with this dynamic I can't wait to read more.

When the Gallow-Grass Gives - a Silva one shot by @gasolinerainbowpuddles

Silva rescues you (m!reader) from the gallows, walks you home by the rope you were supposed to hang by, and then tells you that you remind him of someone he used to know. I love a good gay cowboy fic and this is a GREAT one. The historically accurate lube made me cackle. This was so well written and so HOT and managed to maintain that wistful sadness Silva seems to have hanging like a cloud around him.

Desires and Complications - a Marcus Pike/Dave York series by @ezrasbirdie

Sweet little Marcus Pike wants to please you better in bed so he calls up your ex, Dave York, to show him how to be a dom. It goes a little differently than any of you imagined when Marcus turns submissive for Dave. This fic is so hot. I read up through "plead" and it looks like maybe there's some throuple dynamics forming!!! I'm so excited to finish this AHHHGHGHG

Ripping Sunrise - a frankie one shot by @idolatrybarbie

You accidentally take an edible and Frankie takes care of your high ass. And then once the high wears off he really takes care of you... This is so sweet and hot, I love it so much.

I Might Kill My Ex - a Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters

Joel leaves you for Tess and that... well that's just unacceptable. We got dark!reader, asshole!Joel, murder, dub con for Joel, the works. This fic is so good. It's dark and gives you a fascinating look into reader's crumbling psyche. I love the ending so much also

------------------

I wrote Ouroboros and Eat You Whole. Dave York x f!reader fics set in the same universe, canon divergent but some canon stuff still happens in the background. Love as consumption/Love as violence type thing. Basically you and Dave are two touch starved, miserable people with nothing left in this world and you have crazy sex about it. There’s some softness in there too.

-----------------

Here's some series I've been reading (not a comprehensive list): Hot and Heavy (Joel), Muddy Waters (Joel/Ez), Stepdad!Joel, Exile (Javi P), New York or Nowhere (Joel), Feral Woman (Joel), Yearling (Joel), a lover's pinch (joel), the world tipped on it's side (Frankie), and Pretend Alleyways (Marcus/Dieter)

(In order: @tieronecrush @bonezone44 @toxicanonymity @jksprincess10 @beskarandblasters @gasolinerainbowpuddles @justagalwhowrites @hier--soir @idolatrybarbie @radiowallet)

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Happy Reading!

[dykeomania]

.   .   .   guilty pleasure.

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: i'm terrible at summaries -- ellie really likes fucking you, because you're really hot, so she eats you out like it's her fucking last meal. plus it's kinda cute at the end. that's it. that's the fic.

𝐚/𝐧: so, this is a scrap. Funny Story! ahaha!!!! Uh!!!! so i fucking hate this! [mia, great heavens, why do you hate this?] well! i've been working on this sub!ellie fic for a couple of months (i've been busy) and i thought it would be a good idea to start off a sub!ellie with dom!ellie. and i was trying to do something, but it wasn't working. so i have been contending with this fucking part of that fic for so long that everytime i look at it it makes me twitch, so maybe i'm biased, but. here you go. it's not sub!ellie which is making me roll my eyes so hard rn, but it's alright. anyway, i didn't want to waste what i'd already written so i tidied it up and made it pretty and hopefully someone likes it. idfk. if you ever wanted to have your pussy ate by ellie, here you go.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: annoying writing things, like random shifts in verb tenses because i didn't feel like proofreading this for much longer rubs nose, rolls eyes. SO! literally just pure smut, like, it's disgusting, so minors, go away. uh, oral sex, fingering (reader receiving). fraction of dirty talk. ellie thinking that you're really fucking hot. she's literally so gay. kind of obsessive. it's literally just reader receiving head for a very, very long time. oh, some overstimulation. also. just for shits and giggles. the general vibe is that you two are friends... but like.... but like... shakes head.... you're... you're not friends.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.6k. get it the fuck out of my sight, please.

.   .   .   .

when ellie fucks you, sometimes she likes to imagine that she is painting a picture. 

“oh, fuck–” she knows how it sounds and wishes that it didn’t sound so creepy. but ellie has spent hours, upon days, composed of fleeting shy gazes and not-so-shy glimpses between your thighs, studying your body. eyes oftentimes slipping over the arch of your brow in conversation, or following the curve of your jaw, down the axis of your neck. over the hill of your bicep, beneath the band of your jeans, down the canyon trail of your stomach or your spine…

if she tries hard enough, she can get your face just right. eyes shut so tight, they bunch at the corners, not quite like how they do when you’re doubled over in laughter, or squinting at her in disbelief. sometimes they roll, or linger, hooking onto hers as your body stiffens with pleasure and her name hangs above your tongue on a fishing line that you just can’t seem to reach. every time ellie fucks you you drive her just a little bit crazier, because every time ellie fucks you, you remind her of how difficult and impressive the human ability to multitask is, because how is she supposed to breathe? or do much of anything really – when you look like this? underneath her, or beside her, or in front of her. pretty girl, doesn’t even begin to capture half of you. let me show you how pretty you are, is a promise, by default of impossibility, that will forever be left unfulfilled. 

“el..” ellie’s fingers were magic. always were. they were so long, even if she held them out straight, the hardened calluses of her fingertips would hit every spot they needed to. but this time, ellie had curled them. nestled knuckle deep inside, with her tongue latched onto your clit - flattening, rolling, sucking. you were gone – had been for the past half hour – now whining and bucking against the pace of ellie’s tongue and fingers, tugging at your tits because she told you to. “oh my fucking god, fuck–” 

it was crazy, how ellie could make you feel so good without even having made you cum, to the point where you’re holding her head still and fucking her face ultimately to achieve something familiar. but it was so confusing. you chased that great, overpowering crescendo. but at the same time, you would do anything – literally anything – as long as it meant that ellie would keep making you feel whatever it was that you were feeling. as long as it meant that she just didn’t fucking stop. 

ellie’s eyes are deep green vultures that climb the curve of your adam’s apple, and she can’t tell if you’re getting wetter or if she’s just drooling. she is so fucking wet, she can practically feel the fabric of her briefs sticking to her sex. the partial friction on her clit everytime she shifts on the bed is enough to make her head spin, and it makes her hungrier. she loved watching you unravel as you chased the release. loved listening to how your whines shattered, loved feeling her nails grip and tug at her hair. loved watching you stir, pleading for that rush of endorphins that would make your clit spasm against her tongue, and that only made ellie more determined to fuck your juices out of you.

ellie hums approvingly around your sensitive bundle of nerves and for a moment, all that can be heard is the squelch of your juices as she keeps the pace of her fingers steady. quick, and unrelenting, against the warning-like quivering of your walls around them. the sensation is so far back – a tingling, almost. you are so eager, breath immediately quickening and eyes widening. it almost sends your body into fight-or-flight and dares to even cramp your leg. but you squirm and gasp, and your mouth hangs, and you don’t even have to say it. she can see it in your eyes the second you reach down from your tits to her hair, and you grasp, you look at her with something bordering awe, and a compilation of pleas. it’s fucking gorgeous.  “e-ellie–”

 “mhm.”

 “e-el–oh, fuck–”

 “mhm.” 

“fuck!” you cry as your orgasm ripples through your clit, and then pulses through the interior of your cunt. on no front does ellie let up, tongue lapping greedily against your throbbing bundle of nerves while fucking the well-earned stream out of you with her fingers. you shake, and border on screaming – so sensitive, and yet still reeling against her every move whilst your orgasm moves through you. one pulse, and then two, and then three. an uncountable number of clenches around her soaked fingers. but ellie is greedy. devoured by pleasure, you lay stunned and shuddering,

and yet ellie doesn’t stop. 

“ohmygod– fuck–” it could’ve took minutes. most likely even seconds. but at first, you felt nothing. and then, you were shuddering, and covering your own mouth. you can’t bring yourself to, but if you looked at ellie, you’d realize a couple of different things. for starters, ellie’s fingers are moving twice as fast. her mouth originally left your clit quite slowly, in tantalizing, rewarding kisses, before she sloppily replaced it with her thumb, for better or for worse. and above all, she was still looking at you. ellie never took her fucking eyes off of you. 

“you have no fucking idea how hot you look right now,” you hear ellie rasp, and you gasp – maybe you did notice a difference because you could definitely tell that she put her tongue back on your clit, and it pushes you into a place of no return. you feel everything at once. her fingers against your g-spot, the hypersensitivity of your cunt in general. your whine is guttural and antsy, but ellie’s hands tighten on your thighs, refusing to let you move this time. “mm–mm, one more time,” ellie punctuates her phrase with a lick on your clit that is so subtle, and yet makes you damn near incomprehensible  –  “gonna let me taste you again? please? you’re so fucking pretty, let me taste you again. let me fucking taste you, baby, cum for me, just one more time–”

your orgasm trickles in like it’s harmless and unassuming. and then the fragment of her name that you so desperately reach for slips between your fingers and this time, you do scream. 

your cunt convulses twice as hard around her fingers, and you feel your back try to arch. your orgasm is catastrophic. it ripples her bedsheets, cuts through the nighttime breeze, and singlehandedly shatters the peaceful chirp of crickets outside of the shed.

this part, was ellie’s favorite. 

your slow descent from euphoria is parachuted by the sound of shuffling, followed by the rough pad of ellie’s thumb smoothing over your cheekbone. the warmth from her palm as it adorns the side of your face becomes more apparent as you find yourself floating into consciousness. you take it upon yourself to peer at her through your lashband. you find that ellie’s eyes are still dark, and lustful. but they have transformed into something that you could hold in your own without the crutch of pleasure. they were warm, and sincere in a different context, and within that, kind of made you blush a bit harder than you already were.

ellie – seemingly equally abashed, given her reddened cheeks – slowly rolls her lips onto themselves as if trying to bite back her smile. carefully, she pushes a section of your damp hair behind your ear, and places a subtle kiss on the corner of your lips. “hey…” ellie awkwardly chimes, and you both snicker. “hey…” your giggles fall short as ellie briefly hovers over you, and you reach up to close the gap between the two of you. the taste of salt and skin in any other context would’ve made you sick, but in this one, it just makes you delirious. her tongue flattens against yours and her hand smooths over your abdomen. you can’t help but pull her closer – as close as possible, really – by the bunched up fabric of her black t-shirt in a way that indicates this night isn’t over just yet.

“good?” ellie murmurs against your lips and you only respond by deepening the kiss, smiling in a way that ruins it. “so good. as always.” this time, it’s ellie’s turn to nearly break the kiss with a smile, to which she tries to make up for by kissing you harder. but you can’t help but chuckle at her excitement, even when she asks you what? through your flurry of giggles. you kiss her again, and eventually, both your giggles and her question are long forgotten.

“is it my turn?” you ask against her lips, and feel ellie’s brows furrow. “turn to what?” “touch you.” you pull away momentarily to look give ellie’s face a quick up and down glance, a tinge of curiosity lingering in your expression beneath the small smile on your reddened lips. “i wanna make you feel good.” 

the pause is occupied by ellie dragging her tongue, and eventually her teeth, over her lower lip. she shuffles, as though to hover over you a bit more, tilting her head slightly to the left. “making you feel good makes me feel good,” your brows lift at her statement. you didn’t mean to, but you mentally quiver under the certainty of her gaze, and all words of protest that you had died on your tongue. a slight smirk that etches onto her lips as they hover back over yours, nor the way her hand takes firm hold of your upper thigh, barely pressing into the perimeter of your ass, “now, how about you shut up and kiss me again.”

[jacksprostate]

Can you talk about how fight club is the story of a deeply closedeted gay man the wake of the aids crisis? How do his anxieties about hiv manifest?

yeah sure! i feel like i've talked about it in bits and pieces in a few different posts which I'll link here but I'll also type up a little summary. Not operating on 100% so forgive me if it's a bit all over the place.

On the narrator and Marla wrt sexuality

On the Lou scene of the movie

The central obvious joke yet not really comparison

Anyway so. I'm going to focus on the book as always but lots still generally applies to the movie and in the above links you can see a bit about the Lou scene from the movie if that's your interest.

So first I think it's important to acknowledge the narrator meets Tyler on an empty nude beach. This has a lot of connotations for a lot of reasons. Nude beaches/beaches in general have long been a gay male hookup spot. The beach is empty — it's the 90s. Many, many people have died. The narrator chose to go there — an interesting one. Stepping out of bounds a little only to be reminded of the constant threat, by how no one is there. He just watches Tyler do his thing, doesn't engage. He keeps his foot, with the AIDS-like rash on it, buried in the sand so he doesn't start dying in people's eyes (and presumably so if he ever got the gumption, he could tap it). Even if you assume the nude beach isn't specifically gay, all these things still apply, and it's still his idealized man he hallucinated all sweaty and tan.

Kind of discussed in the Marla related link above but he's like, horrifically repressed, even if he WAS straight. He can't imagine himself having sex. But when he has Tyler have straight sex (see above link for detailed thoughts on that), it's Marla he's jealous of. It is literally written that way. He is jealous of Marla stealing Tyler's attention and ruining the vibe they had with just the two of them.

Something, something, elaborate rituals for the touch of another man. Getting a big rubbery one in response to Bob. Arguably it's about him getting off on misery but it's not like it was written with regard to Chloe. And Chloe— amyl nitrite/poppers are commonly used in gay bathhouses and stuff. Used in straight sex too but yeah pretty common... Back to Bob though, this mimicry of closeness with another human being  another man in particular, staring down the gun at a man who can't functional have sex like society expects him to anymore. 

He invents a club that word for word could be swapped with gay sex for a large portion of its introduction. He is desperate for the touch of another man even if violence is the only way he can get it. Sex would be violence, in an age of being terrified of AIDS. 

The constant underlying sharing of blood and spit and contaminating food etc. All these other ways HIV is spread. But at least it wouldn't be That way. If that's his destined way to die then at least it wouldn't be like that. Dark, but.

The fucking scene about his birthmark holy shit man. Essentially, the doctors thought his birthmark was a sign of, pretty much, Kaposi's sarcoma. The cancer overwhelmingly associated with AIDS, and he's a medical marvel. Because he'd be dying from an unknown horrific disease. Now he hides the birthmark, because that unknown disease is everywhere now. <-bastardization of a line from the book. And when people see that birthmark, he starts dying in their eyes. If he was openly gay in any fashion, he'd start dying in their eyes too. The same way.

There is, distinctly, a sense of a complete lack of actual functional future. There is a sense of complete lack of role models from the past. 

The environmentalist turn even in this sense. The burden of history. He was not the one who spread the virus. There's a lot of deep, deep self hate and internalized homophobia in that. In the single time the narrator mentions gay men, too — as gay men wanting children being the cause for why all the single mothers in the clinic Marla goes to  are dying of AIDS. But that's not true. Gay men, overwhelmingly, are not the reason it went from gay men to eventually reaching women. But what he repeats is part of the societal curse upon them, and what he repeats is a chastisement, look what happens when you dare desire anything. If you actually want to act on those perversions. You curse everything and everyone. Stay repressed, or you'll die and kill everyone.

He invents Tyler. "Perfectly handsome and an angel in his everything-blond way." He invents the perfect man, who also can never infect him. Who also pisses and spits in soups, god what a conundrum — society assumes you're evil, sick, and damned, but you're still their responsibility. How do they like it. I am not glamorizing the willful spread of disease lol I don't think it's ever a sane response but in fiction it hits that like... vindictive anguish. 

Honestly, even the section I just mentioned. Where Tyler rants to the union boss. You don't actually give a single shit about me and better yet you probably hate the living shit out of me. But I am still your responsibility. You have sucked me dry til I have nothing to love, and you have everything. And the narrator says he says the same thing Tyler said, but about contaminated food. The parallels, with how that would apply to people with HIV, especially gay men. There is so, so much emphasis on the narrator's blood and how it gets all over the Pressman hotel's manager.

Fight Club, Project Mayhem — they're the designs of someone who doesn't expect to live long. The home of people who don't expect to live long. Whether that's because medical care is too expensive or because you catch a blood infection or because the cops shoot you. 

And at the end, after everything has happened, after his manic pixie dream boy helped him martyr himself, what does he really get? Idk man. Drugs that will kill his sex drive. A deep fear of himself that now has evidence for how far he can fall. A deep disillusionment. No hate, but no love either. Still just empty, now knowing he has opened pandora's box, whether he intended to or not. He can't put it back. He tried. 

Idk. something to be said about all that. Probably a lot more as well but that's just off the top of my head.

[sekhithefops]

Anyone who tells a queer person "Just Move to a Better State" doesn't get it.

So, as some of you know I've got an account on Bluesky, one of the social media websites that arose from the ashes after Elon Musk completely fucked up Twitter beyond how fucked it was even on it's worst day.

Recently I shared this article, hoping to spread some good news to my fellow members of the LGBTQA+ community:

And some smarmy jackass replied with this:

Yeah... anyone who says this is an asshole who doesn't get the realities of these situations.

I grew up in Kentucky. Yes, the state where Mitch "the Lich" McConnell was spawned (we're trying to get rid of him but that asshole hid his phylactery really good okay?) As some of you might guess, my own home state has issues with people who try to push these sorts of laws.

I've been told by others, in the past, to just move to a better state.

I tried it once infact, I moved from the Cincinnati Metropolitan Area (I lived right on the border between Ohio and Kentucky at the time) to another city where I was going to live with a gay couple I met online who were friends with my, at the time, partner.

... you probably see where this is going already, but I'll continue.

The city definitely had a good LGBTQA+ presence, but here's the thing. I stayed there only six months before all but fleeing back to Kentucky.

Why?

Several reasons.

NOBODY wanted to hire "the new kid in town." I had a horrible time finding a job that would satisfy my roommate. They knew I had only worked retail in the past and, at the time, had no college under my belt at all. I tried getting jobs in multiple places. I tried getting hired on as a 911 operator, at several higher end stores, and such. You know where I wound up working? A shitty little Circle K station. It was the ONLY place that would hire me and paid a pittance. I could barely help with bills at all.

My roommate was a judgemental asshole. To quote Sir Terry Pratchett, "Just because someone is part of a minority doesn't mean they can't also be a small minded prick." One of my roommates judged me for EVERYTHING. Nothing I did was good enough, and if he found out something he didn't like he would hang it over my head and never stop giving me shit for it. I hated it. I hated it within weeks of arriving but I didn't want to leave because that would be 'admitting defeat' or some bullshit (it was ten years ago, I forget exactly how I justified it.)

I had to give up all the friends and family I had in the move. The part of the country I moved to was a place that I had never been before. I had no friends there, I had no family there. All I had to rely on was my two roommates. One of them clearly didn't want an extra roommate but went along with it because his boyfriend wanted it (I feel bad for him these days,) the other one... see item 2. This also leads into item four...

Because I had no friends and family there, I had no safety net. Asshole roommate constantly reminded me if I didn't get a 'better job' (and good luck to me on that given the circumstances) I'd be out on my ass, in a totally unfamiliar city. I had no help there besides them and he knew it, and he held that over me every chance he got.

Finally, after six months, I managed to move back in with my mother in Kentucky. This story does have a happy ending though. I wound up splitting up with my at the time partner (who in hindsight really wasn't a good match for me, though I hear they're doing much better these days,) and it was the wake up call I needed to get some college education. That didn't go great, but having even partial college on a resume helped me get a job that was far FAR better than retail work which I've held for over five years now.

I realized too that while Kentucky isn't great on progressiveness as a whole... the part of the state I'm from actually is. We're part of the Cincinnati Metropolitan Area (which basically means "if it wasn't for state lines we'd just be part of Cincinnati") and there's actually a really big LGBTQA+ community around here. These days I see Pride bumper stickers everywhere, and there's several houses nearby with Pride flags as well.

In Kentucky. Yes, that Kentucky.

But my point is... even assuming a person CAN move, it doesn't mean that it'll fix everything. In my case those six months were absolutely hellish despite living with a queer couple in a major city. My life only improved AFTER I moved back to Deep-in-the-Red-State Kentucky. Because the part I'm in has a good community, I have friends and family who support me, I have a good job here, and I have a good life here in spite of what some idiot in the state capitol is up to.

In closing, I have this to say: If you hear someone talking about queer issues in their home state and your first instinct is to tell them to just move to California or New York or some other state... just shut the hell up.

[rowanwithaz]

The Izuchako problem.

(⚠ I want to make sure everyone knows I'm not hating on anyone or anything,if I say anything negative about Izuchako that's just critiques,and all the negative things I say about Izuchako shippers is just certain people who have been assholes,I'm not hating on anything,just wanted to write some issues on the Izuchako community and issues in some media that the toxic side of the community supports,and,yes,I'm aware every shipping community has toxic shippers,I'll talk in much more detail on that⚠)

⚠WARNING⚠: Contains: Wishing and promoting Suicide,talks about child pregnancy(very brief,) Homophobia,sexism,racism,and fucking talks about TORTURE.

First off,I have talked about Izuchako numerous times,but I've only spoke briefly on...the problems with the community.

Ochaco the baby maker?

Okay,look,I'll get a little "personal" . At a young age (4 or 5) I was told the greatest thing I could do was have children. I was told REGULARLY AS A FOUR YEAR OLD my greatest achievement would be pregnancy and child birth. So,this kinda hits a more...soft spot for me. And,I want to explain why this is so FUCKED up.

Ochaco Is a CHILD. You are saying a fifteen year old girl (17 now) should be impregnated (in this context by Izuku,also a minor) and that would be her GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT. This is pushing a narrative that has been around for hundreds of thousands of years,that a woman's biggest achievement is child barring,like,how can people say everyone is "woke feminists" when people like Matt Walsh want the age of consent laws in marriage to be sixteen ,because woman are more fertile.Weather you like it or not,you remind me of that bastard.

...I-I share a fandom with Matt Walsh wannabes. (I know non of them spoke about "child pregnancy" ,but,they didn't say, "When Ochaco gets older" . Without that context I'm going to assume you're that diluted.)

Death Threats? Who cares?

*Deep inhale* Here we go. I,uh,there is much much more,but,those contained talks about r*pe,and I was recently sexually harassed,(DON'T WORRY,IT WASN'T TOO BAD.He just did some good ol' borderline sexual harassment,so nothing too bad happened,he just sexualized me and wouldn't give me space lol) So,kinda didn't wanna talk about that.

But,yeah,this shit is so disgusting. I don't think I have to explain why this is fucked up,so I won't. Let's go to the most pressing manner,no one but US calls them out. No.One. And,the usual response is "It's just my opinion." What? What's your opinion? People should die because they like two characters that happen to be boys together romantically? But,no one calls them out,because Izuchako is the "normal" or "average viewer " ship. That translates into, "We don't call out people who ship herto ships because it's NORMAL" . Like,I won't deny that GreeNade shippers made mistakes,but,when they DID it wasn't even THIS bad. And,to top it off,all of that stained the ship's reputation,but,Izuchaco shippers can say whatever the hell they want. And NO ONE,will call them out on it.

Hori is middle aged...?(how is that relevant? Uh,let's see)

Okay,I have NO IDEA,what him being middle-aged has to do with this. And,uh,what..? What do you mean Horikoshi doesn't care about gay people? Look,I know a lot of media *cough* Disney *cough* milk gay people for money. But,if you couldn't tell,Hori,y'know has a best selling manga? He has money,and he didn't need to add gay characters for that. This man put two,(Technically three) trans characters,made Mineta bisexual cannon,hinted HEAVILY at Toga being bisexual and also hinted heavily that Mina is Aro. He.Did.Not.Need.To.Do.That.

He didn't just add trans characters and say, "Well,I'm gonna get some money." He gave them backgrounds ,he gave them RESPECT. And,in the episode when Toga and Twice correct Over Haul on Big Sis Mac's pronouns,I cried,because.

Is it Homophobia?

Well,yes and no. No,because not shipping something isn't homophobic,BUT,using a gay ship to...say certain things is.

Yep,it's homophobic,sexist,and racist...damn.

Yeah,and they GET AWAY with this. They don't face ANY repercussions. Look,I blurred out all the names because I didn't want to help spread hate to anyone. Even biggots. I think they need to face some repercussions,but I don't want to help spread hate,I want to spread awareness. So,if you stumble upon someone talking like that,report them,they are saying really really nasty stuff,and because it's a straight ship they get away with it. Unfortunately,that's how it is. And how it will be if we don't spread awareness and try to get these people off the platform,this isn't "saying a opinion" this is hate speech . I believe most of these people are homophobic,sexist,racists assholes who are using a popular BL ship to spread hate to those communities using the Izuchako community as a shield. So,most Izuchakos are being used to spread hate...that sucks,don't it?

Conclusion:

Do not talk about minors getting pregnant,(I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SAY THAT),on the note,stop supporting a woman's only use being a baby factory,stop sending death threats and using the excuse "my opinion" ,Hori's age and gender have NOTHING to do with his work,Stop using a gay ship to push your homophobic,racist,sexist,views on and defending yourself with an undeveloped relationship to justify yourself from any repercussions.

Let's end this with a high note,yeah?

Mineta calling Katsuki gay :) (only in sub tho,the dub FUCKED that up)

[dichromaticdyke]

you said you werent sure where toki was jacking off in that screenshot-- the bricks look identical to the bricks in the shower room they threw toki into in s2e19 when he was drunk off his ass, so maybe there?

this is gonna be a long response, so it's going under the cut. because when i say @supersaturnnyoomkitty and i have talked about this A LOT, i'm NOT JOKING. but, yes, for a reminder to those who follow me for completely different reasons: when analyzing this scene, i threw that line in as a throwaway, because it's definitely not Toki's room, and the only important thing of note is that he's getting the fuck away from the creepy photos of his parents.

the bricks are a different color and shape, and there aren't any pictures or posters anywhere to be seen.

here's everwhere in mordhaus where we thought it could be: outside the recording studio, the room where facebones addresses the klokateers, and, of course, the bathroom* (*the bathroom theory is way more complicated than it should be).

so, we'll probably never know, because brendon small refuses to email us back, but here are some of our theories as to each of these places.

1- outside the recording room. he's listening to skwisgaar play. now i'm not just saying that because i'm a trash skwistok shipper, i'm also saying that because toki obviously has a very strong attachment to skwisgaar's guitar playing. call it romantic, call it idol worship, call it whatever you want, it doesn't matter—in the credits for Dethalbum III, he thanked skwisgaar's fingers, and his only plans for vacation post-album release were watching skwisgaar play guitar. he's got a problem. (this also goes into my and nyoom's theories about them all having jack-off songs, spawned from her fic "Sensual Playback", don't worry about it, it's not important right now.)

2- the gathering room of klokateers/full dethstaff meetings. uh. that's just. well.

how do you want me to take this anon? do you want me to be serious about this? do you want me to tell you how i've considered the possibility that toki just got as far the fuck away from the photos of his parents as he could and this is where he ended up? because that's my only theory for this. (this does also just sort of go with the fact that most of the walls in mordhaus look like this. it could be ANYWHERE. consider the gathering hall to just be a catch-all for, toki just being a little freak.)

moving swiftly on...

3- the bathroom thing is way more complicated than it should be, and here's why: there's a public/staff bathroom. we see it most prominently when they're all drinking bleach together, and it could very well be there. you mentioned this shower scene specifically:

and that scene is also near identical to murderface's own shower scene when he was scared of being gay (we even see more of the public bathroom in the background):

that would make sense, i guess. BUT—it's implied they all have their own bathrooms, right? pickles and murderface both do, anyway:

not sure why murderface would shower in the public bathroom when he's having his gay panic and you'd think he'd want to be as far away from naked men as possible, but that's not my business.

side note: i just noticed for the first time that murderface took his shorts all the way off to take a shit, but left his demonias on. this man i stg—

i find it hard to believe toki also wouldn't have his own bathroom. i'm not sure if this scene is meant to be in the public bathroom or either murderface's or skwisgaar's, but it's also something to consider:

though, as i'm writing this, i'm coming to a realization that maybe they did all have their own bathrooms prior to the attack on mordhaus. i completely forgot they renovated the whole place. they might have gutted their personal bathrooms and replaced it with a public one, which is why all the showers and bathtubs seem to be there. the shower that toki's in might have been either his own, or a public one that was later expanded after the renovations. either way, i'm positive it's a public bathroom and not one that toki would have had, and i think that for one major reason:

toki's bedroom is so super tiny. especially compared to nathan's or william's bedroom. his bed is small and snug, also. i think he's never really needed anything that big for himself. he grew up extremely deprived and abused, just having anything that was truly his own was all he'd ever wanted. plus, maybe having to sleep in a massive space all by himself might've triggered his memories of being forced to stay alone in the punishment hole for days on end. of course, that's not to say toki doesn't love excess, but given how small his own bedroom is, i don't know where he would even be able to have his own private bathroom.

not to mention, in aotd, we see he doesn't like to go to the bathroom alone. sure, he's regressing in that moment, but i still don't think he likes to be alone, if he can help it—hence the stuffed animals and pictures of his parents (regardless of how creepy they are, at least he's not alone when they're staring at him).

i think that's my thesis of the whole thing, actually. toki's not being a creepy lil guy on purpose, i don't think. i just think he doesn't wanna jack off in front of his parents, but he also has hang-ups about being alone, so he goes to random places around mordhaus. it's not a kink thing, i'm like. 99% sure. i just think he's still trying to figure out how to be comfortable with himself.

plus, the boys were all ready to suck their own dicks together in the same room. i really don't think any of them would consider it all that weird, so long as toki himself doesn't act weird about it.

[respectthepetty]

Please share your favorite gmmtv actor ships - they do not need to be a fixed couple, if you have those (because i do). Also, this is not meant to be an ask for real people shipping, if you are uncomfortable with that. Just your favorites maybe in terms of on-screen dynamics or any other criteria. Sorry if this is so vague 😭

Anon, serious questions before I begin - Can First and Water be a favorite pair because the amount he cries in each series, I need my babygirl to stay hydrated?

Or can one of my favorite pairs be Sing & a suit/necklace combo with the shirt unbuttoned and his man bitties out?

No? Not what you are looking for? Well, then, let me redirect to my favorite people ships rather than shipping people with inanimate objects.

So . . . before I jump in, just remember that all of these HAVE happened, so I'm not crazy:

Gun x Gun?

Hold on before you think I'm not taking this seriously! I already stated I think Gun is one of the best actors on GMMTV's roster (if not the best), so understand that if GMMTV won't let him make out with Sing when both of them were giving us sexual tension as ToddBlack, or give Tor a little kissy kissy in Midnight Museum because they were brothers or whatever, at least let the man play against himself more. It could be like the Barbie movie, but with Gun being everything. It'd be fun to see, and if GMMTV wanted to go dark sci-fi, he could answer that age-old question: Would you have sex with your clone?

Neo x Phuwin

We had this. They were paired together in Cause You're My Boy. Then they were hinted at in Dark Blue Kiss. But then, they were made into brothers in Fish Upon the Sky, so Phuwin now has Pond, and Neo got Louis. But why though? Why were we denied another adventure of these two being paired up together?! I had them down on my hopes for a 2023 offering, and I'll have them down every year from now on. I want them back! NOW!

Earth x Papang

Aof was crazy for pulling this off in Moonlight Chicken, but now that I've seen it, I can't unsee it. And even more, I WANT IT! I have never seen Earth kiss like that, and he has had several partners. Did Aof strike a goldmine with this pairing? Papang has always done his job, but these scenes, which lasted no more than eight minutes, gave me an alternate timeline that I must see play out on my screen. Immediately.

Pond x Nanon

If Aof was crazy for Earth x Papang then Jojo was batshit insane for Pond x Nanon in Dirty Laundry. These two had a strip-off pole dance in a club called Boys Next Door, Nanon twisted Pond's nipples for information, then Pond's character had sex with a client with Nanon and Film's character in the car. This shit was wild, but that was only 15% of the hijinks between these two. I need them to recreate this creepy magic, and I need it to be twelve episodes long with at least 52 minutes runtime per episode.

Gigie x Fah

Since I mentioned Jojo, The Warp Effect is queer. QUEER! It gave use Fluke with Thor, Jan with Silvy (oh, my God that magical being could choke me!), and Mark with Best, yet, it toyed with us by suggesting the possibility of Gigie with Fah. Be brave about it, GMMTV! More than one wlw couple can exist in a show. Give me a redo, and this time, give me these two picking each other again, and again, and again regardless of what Alex (New) does with those Polaroids.

New x Sing x Fluke

Mentioning The Warp Effect reminded me that these three could out beat any historical trio including Destiny's Child, The Jonas Brothers, AND Charlie's Angels! Sing and New have been around for a bit, so I'm surprised they haven't acted in more together, but throw Fluke in there, and they had the perfect dynamic: Gay pretty boy and former bully with kinky puppy and space enthusiast trying to help out their bi idiot friend (it's canon to me). Sing and New will be in the Thai remake of Cherry Magic, so I'm sure Fluke could fit in there somewhere somehow. Make it happen, GMMTV!

First x Khaotung x Sea

And on the topic of throuples, this one hasn't happened, but by golly do I want it! Whoever paired First and Khaotung together deserves a Noble Peace Prize, but whoever thought of interviewing them with Sea deserves the Library of Congress Living Legend award and to be the Grand Marshall at the NYC Pride Parade. That person gets it. I'm not shipping them as actual people together. I want whatever chemistry they had in that interview to be transferred onto the screen and brought to me in 2024 because only a Year of the Dragon can handle the fire they would deliver.

Pawin x Satang

GMMTV, you know what you did in that Star in My Mind x Our Skyy 2 episode was effed up. I don't care how many times you pair Pawin up with other boys. You know what you did, and I'm taking this grudge to the grave.

Ohm x Perth

The fact that Double Savage cast them as brothers instead of a one-sided love affair was in the words of the most beautiful Raye a "DUMB DECISION!" Then to have them color coded?! THE AUDACITY! And no, I will not be writing about the colors because unless these two get paired again, as LOVERS, I will rewire this story in my head of what it should have been to deserve these two amazing actors partnered up with each other rather than the poop pile I got. I wrote what I wrote.

Joong x Dunk

If you know anything about me, know that I'm a JoongDunk fan first, and a human second. It has absolutely nothing to do with their acting even though that's what you asked for. It has everything to do with them. Much like the interview with First, Khaotung, and Sea, Joong and Dunk in their interviews are ridiculous. They resort to tomfoolery and instead of answering the questions, they start arguing about the most trivial details. ForceBook and GeminiFourth do this, but add in JoongDunk's live streams and Safe House footage, and I don't know how they get anything done when filming because they are either arguing, dancing, napping, or giggling. Hidden Agenda yesterday, please!

Bonus: Since this was exclusive to GMMTV, I couldn't include who my ultimate acting pair is, but if you know me, then you already know, so without further ado

MAXTUL DOMINATION!