#idk if anyone remembers but like a couple days ago i posted something about how my japanese class is graded very. Interestingly

[lucaplushie]

WERE SO FUCKING BACK

[homunculus-argument]

Your post a couple days ago about reading things you acknowledge as silly nonsense and not the Height Of Intellectual Literature, and letting yourself enjoy it anyway, unearthed a memory for me that I just. I'm sorry, I just need to share this.

So, there was a phase I had, years ago now, where I for some reason ended up somewhat regularly reading James Bond books whenever I was in the mood for something light and kinda dumb but entertaining to read (I was reading Outlander and A Song of Ice and Fire at the time as well, never finished either of those series tho, so I kinda ended up reading lighter stuff in between those long books to relax and let my brain take a breather if that makes sense). I honestly couldn't tell you which books I read, and it wasn't in any particular order, it was sort of like, starting with whatever my dad had in the shelf and then continuing with whatever the library happened to have. Some of what I read were the original ones written by Ian Fleming, some were by later authors. Idk, point is, it was light spy-adventure nonsense I read when I didn't have the energy to think too deep about what I was reading.

Sorry about how long I took to get to the point, but, anyway. There was this one James Bond book I picked up mostly because hehe suomi mainittu. Not by Fleming, one of the later authors, I remember neither the author name nor the book name and can't be assed to google it rn. Anyway, a fair amount of the plot of that book took place in Finland. I could not say for the life of me what the actual plot of it was, just that part of it was set here. I remember like exactly two details about it, and both of those I only remember because I thought they were funny back when I was reading it.

One of those details was that there was a bit of Bond's internal monologue at some point that was just him basically being a whiny bitch about the fact that he thought the sort of thick winter clothes you need for Finnish winters didn't make him look sexy

The other is that there was a scene where the baddies tried to kill him by ??? crushing his car (while he was driving on some little road somewhere in the middle of nowhere) between two lumiauras??? like i just. that seems like a highly impractical way to attempt to kill anyone, but sure (ja sori siitä et mä en ny suoraan muista et mikä helvetti lumiaura on englanniks, mut sä ny puhut suomee kuiteski)

Idk you talking about silly stuff in books just unearthed this memory for me, no idea why, and i just needed to share it with someone

It's a snow plough. The english word for lumiaura is snow plough. Also that mental image is hilarious.

[thelioncourts]

I've been real absent online the last couple of months, but I can't miss out on @iwtvfanevents 'a meal to remember' because we are so incredibly blessed with beautifully creative and talented people in this fandom who constantly inspire and allow me to forever-wander in the world of Louis de Pointe du Lac, my most darling and favorite character ❤️ this won't be nearly as organized as I'd like it to be, won't say all I want to say, and I will inevitably miss somebody and/or some fic, but just know that there is so much wonderful content out there, especially by so many of the people on this list that anyone can check out at any point:

twelve days/nine months by @devotiondroid & @weather-mood daniel/louis/armand modern human au quite literally the fic that saved the holiday season for me. when new chapters of 'twelve days' would post, I would drop everything to go read it and would count down the days until the next update was set to happen. 'nine months' is a wip in the same verse and just as stunning. it's no surprise it's amazing; it's toni and it's bri, two people shining with so much talent it's blinding. and their powers combined?? oh my god. (there's also a one-shot in this verse called 'saint valentine' and my brain broke reading it, idk) now, just a list of @devotiondroid fics that changed me as a person: daniel/louis (and a little louis/armand as of now) human au quicksilver/mercury a danlou noir au that I reread a couple of weeks ago just to feel something again and then toni up and posted its prequel 'mercury' and I simply couldn't cope. the noir vibes paired with the gorgeously yearning story is just !!! everything.

daniel/louis modern human au

baby, I'm your man

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WOULD READ 1000000k of this world. the idea of it, the complete ache of this story, has stuck with me, buried somewhere between my ribs, and I'll forget about it for a second then remember and it'll hit me like truck how wonderful it is. toni................m o r e lestat/louis human au my neck, her rope solar plexus hit of a fic. oh, oh the loustat dynamics....it's gorgeous and the concept is !!!!!!!!!! everything to me and now, my list of @weather-mood fics that, when posted, I quite literally become/became a dragon needing to hoard the newfound treasure immediately: armand/louis (armand/louis/REAL RASHID) canon-verse instruction real rashid, my beloved ;;;; no but, honestly, bri has made real rashid so important to me and to loumand, she's why he exists in my first (unfinished) loumand fic 'facio ut facias' because he's just that important. but bri also just always puts into her fics the gorgeous way that loumand are so perfect together, the way they are consumed with one another's existence. armand/louis canon-verse-esque rumpelstiltskin

FAIRY TALE AU. bri is also the inspiration behind my unposted and ongoing fairy tale au because no one does it like her and this one is......oh god, the way armand is the only character that could have ever been in this, the way he fits into louis' life to be this exact character.......don't talk to me lestat/louis; armand/louis; armand/louis/daniel siren au THE ENTIRE PART OF YOUR WORLD (ONCE UPON A WINE DARK SEA) VERSE y'all don't need me to tell you how perfect it all is. I think about it constantly, I've told real life friends about it, it's everything, every single fic of it is everything. lily/lestat pirouette by @weather-mood and @nlbv/@ouizaya

it's so interesting thinking about lestat in those weeks and months of hunting louis, of how he found out things about him from others, how he got lily so involved, how she died because of it all, and the way bri and zaya took all of that and then showed the mental state of lily throughout it all, how much lestat's vampiric control ruined her....................amazing. it's everything.

lestat/louis canon-verse tides by @nlbv/@ouizaya

zaya, my love, she takes some of the sexiest loustat scenes and makes them even sexier before gut-punching you with something insane and devastating and it reminds me so much of the show's writing, the way you'll be like 'look at my family <3' and then suddenly their conversation has gotten dark, the room looks cold, and you wonder how they'll ever truly come back from it......... god shallows by @nlbv/@ouizaya

REPEAT ALL THAT I SAID ABOVE AND THEN SOME. like???? the episode 6 elaboration???????????? oh my god. it's real. it's what happened. we all know it.

roadkill by @nlbv/@ouizaya and baberainbow I think about this fic so often. the car wreck, lestat and claudia being so in-tune with one another hunting because they're the same, the way they're both aware of louis, the way the family works and fits in, the gore and beauty of it. obsessed. TIME TO TALK ABOUT BABE. lestat/louis canon-verse glass the capturing of louis during those earliest vampiric days, paired with lestat's doting as he tried to solidify his wooing, and then just -- everything else, it's all so good.

disruptions that scene in ep 7 where the entire family teams up on that poor man at their door is crazy and this fic takes that concept and just runs with it in the best way

lestat/louis non-traditional a/b/o verse lioness listen.............i'm such a sucker for a good a/b/o fic and we have a severe lack of them in iwtv, thank you, babe, for writing a beautiful one armand/louis canon-verse luna the way that loumand have been together through some of the most insane historical events will haunt me and also I'm in love with the idea of it, thank you, babe, I want every single year and something they experienced together

armand/louis; lestat/louis; louis/others canon-verse catacomb a required read leading into season 2. that's all you need to know.

armand/louis/lestat cannibalistic modern au cleave/tie by @kittyldpdl

a couple of years ago, I went through this obsessive body horror phase where all I watched and read was something that had some kind of body horror and it would make me nauseous but also I was so intrigued, so fascinated, I couldn't stop. this is that. oh my god.

armand/louis; lestat/louis modern au capillary by @kittyldpdl and @salmoncakepls

WIP. I think about it once a week. falling in love with louis while dressing him??????????? oh my god, the concept, the idea, I want to drown in it armand/louis; lestat/louis robot&android au design; intricate by @salmoncakepls

every time I see concepts for this fic my brain short circuits and every time I read it I just !!!!!!!!!!!!! the brain behind this !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the most brilliant

goat goat goat time <3 <3 <3 armand/louis prey drive by @iwtvdramacd18

HI I THINK ABOUT PREY DRIVE EVERY TWO DAYS AND FEEL FAINT. like idk what else to say, it just sticks with you and you're like 'wow they're just like that and it's insane and beautiful and raw' and goat just writes it perfectly, always lestat/louis exposure by @iwtvdramacd18

I've never actually heard of this fic, but if I had, I would assume it was the most batshit crazy thing I'd ever read......full compliments lestat/louis WIP lunacy by @iwtvdramacd18

I seriously always admire people who can write the 'monster' so well. I struggle so much with actual horror/monsters/suspense and so to read it so well done always makes me a little crazy armand/louis/daniel canon-verse after s1 gathering dust by @knifeeater

non-linear narrative !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

armand/louis canon-verse esque alluvium by @knifeeater

I see the tag service dom armand and my brain blacks out, comes back, and is forever changed. that's all. armand/louis/lestat perpetuum mobile by @knifeeater

sometimes you read a fic and the opening is the most insane thing you've ever read that you're like 'how can they keep this up?' and then they do and you're like 'oh so you're that kind of talented....okay' that's this fic.

armand/louis canon-verse

dirges by @dictee

'He had told Louis once, a lifetime ago, as a kind of bedtime story, about his work with cadavers in the nineteenth century, in the catacombs under the Parisian graveyards. Louis, half asleep, made some comment about Mary Shelley, but in his mind it was his skin under Armand’s scalpel, as loving a part of Armand as any. Shuddering and offering up the red jewels of his insides. ' please read it. oh my god.

MORE DANLOU NOIR THAT IS JUST i'll let you win by @diasdelfuego

danlou prophet. daniel just being so overcome by louis...........daniel just being so enraptured, so in love. the noIR. ily. need to reread asap actually oh my god.

daniel/louis post s1 nothing left to give you now by @diasdelfuego

'When he turns back around, Louis is still facing away from him, eyeing the coffee table as he shrugs off his coat. It slides gracefully off Louis' elegant frame to reveal a deep burgundy button-down underneath. In Daniel's mind, he thinks as he takes in the sight, Louis is always wearing black —mourning black, the writer in his brain supplies. Daniel takes stock of him while Louis stands at the edge of the carpet and looks over Daniel's apartment. The vampire is just as preternaturally young as he was half a century ago, just as beautiful, looking entirely out of place in Daniel's mundane, chaotic environment.' like imagine the whole fic being this beautifully written................................w h a t

lestat/louis; armand/louis murdery mystery au WIP overlords by @diasdelfuego and @shewhomustbecalledking I'm behind on this (work is the worst, let's all quit our jobs) but what I've read is just !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO INSANE. cannot wait to catch up, I have spring break in three weeks and honestly just want to read the entire time, catching up on this and drowning in its beauty

lestat/louis a/b/o verse WIP house of gold by @shewhomustbecalledking I think this was the first a/b/o fic I read for this fandom and it's the blueprint, it's the reason, it's everything. the way lestat is so perfectly lestat in this is everything to me. I love an in-character lestat so much.

armand/louis; lestat/louis AU gothic horror WIP rhodedendron by @blueiight

'Let the Devil tempt me not, Louis thought, as he crawled to the mirror. Hollowed out eyes stared back at him, light-brown mawkish physique barely visible, swallowed up by loose pajamas, twists slightly askew but still meticulously sectioned off.

You look a fucking mess, bruh. Hardly fit to carry on the Du Lac name, what lady would want troubles such as yours? His Mother’s voice blended in with his own. But alas he could not be, could not sit in his sorrow and forever laud the man he was not.' true southern gothic horror. the last two chapters changed everything for me.

lestat/louis modern human au dreaming put to shame by @downstairsbar

I read this every single weekend. the beginning??? louis classing lestat?????????????? louis knowing lestat's eyes are on him but not understanding it???????????? the way I'd give anything for a million more words about how they got to the last part, about what all follows.

lestat/louis canon-verse modern era WIP

murmur by proval the way these are still our louis and our lestat, reunited after everything, still so the same, still so not..............this author seems to have such a good hold of these characters, I can't wait to see where this fic goes

armand/louis; lestat/antoinette; lestat/louis modern succession inspired au WIP dirty, sexy money by thevintage I've never seen succession but I love a business au and these first three chapters are so good. lestat and louis are divorced, they have claudia to tie them together, lestat is marrying his mistress, and louis has just met armand who is business rival of lestat's and the sparks are already flying and ohmygodohmygodohmygod

[heyidkyay]

Just wondering if you would ever consider writing a Matty fic where he falls in love with a fan in the audience of a show? Maybe he writes songs about it all? It’s very cliche but man does it pull on my heart strings, the Cinderella of it all. Getting swept up into his life like that would be so romantic.

Tag along |

Part one

Strayed a little but it’s still very much fluff filled, maybe not what you’d first expect? Idk, that sounds strange but I hope you enjoy it anyway! Thank you for the prompt!<3

Part Two

--

It was official. 

After days of relentless pleading and having been so blatantly coerced into it by my mum and younger sister, I’d finally relented and given in to attending the concert. And I sort of hated myself for it. Strange, I know, but now I had no choice but to see some fuck-off band- I’d never even heard of- with my teenage sister and her best mate, who were practically mad about them. 

I mean, I love the girls, I truly do. With all my heart. But having to spend an entire evening with them, surrounded by a thousand other screaming fans, just wasn’t something I was looking too forward to.

And who could honestly blame me? 

You see, it had all begun earlier that same week. I’d been on my lunch break, grateful to have just a minute to myself, when my mum had called. We’d gone through the motions, happy to catch up; she told me the gossip whirling round back home (next door were back to rowing again and Tracey in the post office had fallen pregnant for the seventh time); she’d asked after me, like she always did, questioned if I was eating enough, sleeping alright, if I’d met anyone new…

My mum and I had always been pretty close. She’d had me young, I was her first baby- something she never failed to remind me of- and we’d sort of grown up together. Seeing as how my father (nickname: The Sperm-Doner- yes, the caps were necessary) had gone and fallen into all kinds of shit and ultimately decided to fuck off when things had gotten too real. She was my rock, the one person I could count on to defend my corner, and always believed in everything I ever set my mind to.

It had been hard on the both of us when I’d left home, especially seeing as I was now a couple dozen cities away. But life continued on and we adapted, I went back to visit as much as I possibly could, and called whenever I had the time. Even though in moments when all I really needed was a good hug from her, it was easy to remember what I was doing this all for, and that my family was only a train journey away. They were a constant, even if they lived a couple hundred miles from me.

So she had phoned, I’d immediately noticed the stress which underlined her tone and I’d asked what was up. She’d danced around the topic as much as she could- she hated asking for things, ‘that’s my job,’ she liked to reiterate whenever something occurred and I tried to help out. But I’d dragged it out of her in the end. And oh how I now wished that I’d just left it.

Because here I was, stood in the freezing cold, outside of the O2 arena, in a line full of a couple hundred other excited fans who were all waiting eagerly for the gates to open. 

The two girls were squirming beside me, so ecstatic you’d have thought that I’d gone and laced their drinks with something other than sugar, jumping all about the place whilst they squealed to one another in such a high pitched tone that anyone else would’ve believed that they were conversing in another language all together. 

It was amusing to a point, because I could honestly recall the same euphoric high I’d felt when I’d finally gotten tickets to an Arctic Monkeys gig almost a decade ago now. 

Internally I winced as the memory drifted to the forefront of my mind, feeling far too old for my twenty-three years.

But I could also admit that I was honestly in a tad bit of a mood, had been for the last half hour or so, because I truly fucking hated the cold. And right now? It was baltic and I was freezing my tits off. 

I’d already buried my face into the opening of the leather jacket I’d thrown on that morning and wrapped my arms around my torso to enclose some of my remaining heat, but it was of little use. I was still shivering away with a frown.

I’d gotten a couple of lingering looks whilst here, something I’d noticed but could’ve cared less about. It was far too cold to be stood about waiting in any sort of line, so they could all excuse me for not being overly delighted with the whole ordeal.

I sighed and peered down at my phone screen, glancing at the time, then double checked my pockets for the tickets I’d been handed on arrival and told to guard with my life. 

It was probably the twentieth time I’d done so, because who in their right mind would give me, of all people, something important to look after? I was the least irresponsible person I knew when it came to being organised. 

Because listen, I could get anywhere on time, I was insanely good at that- a job interview, an airport, a school play… But nine times out of ten, I’d almost always forget the one thing I’d needed most. My resume, everybody’s passports, the wig I’d worn one halloween and promised to my younger brother so that he could complete his costume in time for his class assembly…

Yeah, so I was a bit of a mess. But who wasn’t?

Albeit saying that, I had ultimately been the one to score these tickets. My mum and step-dad had gifted them to my younger sister as an early Christmas present after she’d literally begged for months on end during the lead up to the drop of the presale.

It had just been the three of us, all sat down in the family living room, back home up north, earlier this year. We’d counted down the minutes, a dozen devices in hand and at the ready, and it had been something short of a miracle, in all truth. 

The website had crashed a couple times, my step-dad’s phone had died, and then my laptop had quickly followed. The dog had knocked over a freshly made brew and almost pissed itself. And then the postman had scared the absolute life out of us when he’d knocked on the front door. 

So to say that we had all breathed in sudden relief when I’d loudly announced that I’d managed it, was a MASSIVE understatement.

Note. The worst part to seeing your favourite band live; Ticketmaster.

Even the thought of doing it again had me riddled with anxiety. I shivered involuntary, whether it was from the mere idea of it, or the cold, I’d never know.

But being stood here now, I was cursing myself for having been the one to officially bag the stupid things. I sighed inwardly, if only I wasn’t such a brilliant, caring and amazing older sister. But it was a hard life, I supposed. 

“I’m so excited!” My sister, Rosie, squealed, drawing me from my thoughts. She’d gripped onto Tea’s arm in her sudden bout of elation, and the two shared a maddening grin. The other girl didn’t seem to mind the tight grip her best friend held, and so I figured it was probably down to the anticipation of it all- or the fact that it was still so bloody cold.

The thing about Rosie and Tea was, they had been as thick as thieves for as long as I could remember. There’d never been one without the other, and so it was sweet to see the pair looking so forward to something like this, something which they both shared such an obvious love for. 

“I know!” Tea breathed dramatically, looking a little flushed, “I want to meet them so bad, it actually hurts.”

I fought the urge to roll my eyes at the pair, in good fun of course, because they were both so adorably obsessed. 

Oh, to be a teen again. 

“You two are really looking forward to this,” I commented with a light chuckle, watching on as the two girls danced around happily in the small section we’d claimed. “I just don’t get it.”

Once those words had left my lips, I instantly regretted it. Having been met with the deathly glare of two teenage girls was not something I’d offer up to just anyone. 

“Are you serious?” My sister outrightly demanded, staring up at me with a face of utter bewilderment. Scarily, she looked a lot like our mum in that moment. “They’re The 1975, Y/n. They’re- incredible! You must have heard at least one of their songs!”

Tea nodded her head alongside Rosie, bobbing up and down in agreement.

I simply shrugged at the pair of them, finding amusement in their infatuation. “Can’t say that I have, Ro.”

“But, Y/n/n, you love bands! Music in general- I’d bet my whole vinyl collection that you’ll love them too!” Rosie stressed, she then smiled brightly up at me when I merely quirked a brow in retort. I dug my hands deeper into my pockets.

“I like bands, yeah. Band’s like The Stone Roses, The Kooks, Joy Division… The type that make music for music’s sake, you know? Not the kind that strive to get on the top ten, babe.”

I shook my head fondly at the two. 

This band they were so enamoured by were probably just as decent as they claimed, and I could admit that simply because, well, they’d have to be to have all these crazy fans gathered in one place. But they just weren’t my cup of tea.

Ooh, talking of tea, I was proper gagging for one. I’d yet to have my daily fix, and after having been rudely rushed out of my flat early this morning, I’d been unable to stop off at any sort of coffee shop on the way over in fear of losing a spot in line.

The two teens rolled their eyes at me, and my forehead pinched when my sister pulled out a pair of headphones and all but shoved them into my ears. “Look, just listen, okay?”

I reeled back in alarm, having not expected the sudden ambush. “Christ, Ro!” I exclaimed, but the girl only huffed at me before turning to press play on her phone. She gave me a stern look. I relented.

At first, I couldn’t hear anything but the slow intro to an unfamiliar song- even with the swarm of fans gathered around me. But I continued to listen, honing in on the tempo and its melody. And as the song went on, I begun to understand why so many people enjoyed it. The lyrics, although a bit out there and entertainingly vulgar at parts, were smart and witty, they fell with the instrumental perfectly and the singer’s voice was pretty different to what I’d first expected. It made me want to really listen, to follow along, to understand the backstory.

Honestly, they weren’t half as terrible as I’d first believed. And once the outro had faded out, I actually felt a little conflicted. The song obviously had a much deeper meaning to it, but its instrumental made it so lively and energetic that I’d found myself bobbing along almost subconsciously. It was something I could see myself getting lost in, and I wondered whether or not they’d made anything more raw, or emotional.

The songwriter was definitely talented, I couldn’t deny that, they’d had gone through some shit, and I found myself longing to read deeper into their words.

“They’re sick, right?” 

The headphones being ripped out of my ears brought me back to the present and I blinked slowly at my sister’s question.

“Yeah.” I shrugged a shoulder, handing over the wire. “Yeah, they’re alright. Can sort of see why you two like them so much.”

I laughed to myself when the girls faces lit up. 

“They’re amazing! And you’ll so enjoy this show- as well as the boys! They’re proper nice deep down, like really care about us as fans and all that.” Tea encouraged, seemingly quite happy that I hadn’t just gone and shit all over her favourite band. 

“Yeah, they’re so lovely, Y/n!” Rosie added, eyes alive as she barrelled on to explain further, “There’s four of them, right? First, we have Adam, he plays the guitar mainly- blonde, tall, only one who’s started his own little family. And then there’s Ross and George-”

“Ross is on bass, long haired with a beard, whilst George plays the drums.” Tea weighed in, before Rosie was back to chattering away again.

I was honestly beginning to feel as though I was watching an extreme game of tennis with the way my attention kept batting back and forth between them.

“Tea’s obsessed with him.” Rosie felt the need to inform me, before her face immediately brightened, “Oh, and then there’s Matty of course!”

My sister was wearing one of the biggest grins I’d ever witnessed on any singular person and I snorted when Tea rolled her eyes and made a slight dig, “You can see who Ro’s claimed.”

“Hardy har.” Rosie deadpanned, jutting a light elbow into her friend’s side before she gave me a serious look, “I haven’t ‘claimed’ him. I just…”

“You just want to have his children. Yeah, I know, Rose. You never fail to not mention it.”

Rosie stuck her tongue out in retort whilst I tried to bite back my rising amusement when they continued to bicker. The two made a right pair.

“So, what’s this Matty like then?” I questioned, wanting to know a little bit more about the guy who’d caught my sister’s eye, but mainly just eager to poke a bit more fun at her. “Come on, what’s so great about him that you’ve gone and dubbed yourself a tribute to birth his prodigy spawn?”

The girls wrinkled their noses at me, Rosie’s upper lip curled in faint disgust. “Why’ve you gotta word it like that?” She scoffed, shaking her head at me.

I chuckled, shrugging a singular shoulder. “Because I live to annoy you. So, are you gonna tell me or do I have to ask about?”

I made the effort then to pretend as though I was about to disrupt the group behind us’s conversation, but the girls were quick to waylay me, jumping hastily to grab at my outstretched hand. I smirked.

“Stop it!” Rosie all but hissed, her worried eyes flicking back over towards the people beside us before falling on me again, this time they were slitted. “God, you’re so embarrassing.”

Me, embarrassing? Hah. She should be thankful that I knew when to stop. I could still vividly recall the days when my mum had attempted the same shit with me, except she’s the type to actually follow through, leaving her daughter to stand sheepishly behind her, internally cursing the day her mother had decided to forgo an abortion. Dark, yes, but I’d also been a hormonal fifteen year old girl, so sue me.

I rolled my eyes instead of voicing this though, knowing it would only go in one ear and out the other. And ultimately, my sister sighed allowing me to prompt her on further with the rise of my brows.

“Matty, he’s the frontman basically.” She said, back to talking with her hands, forgetting about the whole ordeal.

That made sense, I thought to myself, although I’d always been a drummer sort of girl. Helders, Taylor, Fleetwood, Bonham, Moretti… I could go on.

No honestly, I could, so I was just glad that Rosie chose that moment to stop me.

“He’s a proper performer, you know? Like he just belongs up there, on stage.” My sister breathed, and she wore the sweetest look of admiration on her face. “He’s got this mop of messy black curls and he’s covered in tattoos. Wears all this cool shit and he’s-”

“-also a bit of an arsehole.” Tea summarised for her, before Rosie could get too carried away. 

I blinked at my sister’s best friend in surprise, before a loud laugh bubbled out of me. 

In all the years I’d known this girl, this deceivingly sweet girl, not once- once, I stress!- had I ever heard something so shameless spill from out her mouth, and with the exasperated look she had paired with it, I couldn’t hold in my delight.

“Tea!” I exclaimed, and was so tickled to see the younger girl’s cheeks redden when she turned to give me a sheepish sort of smile. “How crass! I always thought it was Rosie who’d been the bad influence between the pair of you, but now I see quite a few secrets are coming to light tonight.”

Rosie snorted in reply, “She’s done worse. Trust me.”

Tea swatted at my sister’s arm upon hearing that, widening her eyes in a silent warning.

“Oh, come off it.” Rosie waved away with a roll of her eyes. “It’s just Y/n.”

I decided to leave off of the teasing, feeling a bit bad for embarrassing the younger girl. “Yeah, I’m just messing, lovie.” I told Tea with a soft smile as I draped an arm over her shoulders to draw her in for a hug. “You can relax, nothing that happens tonight will be getting back to your mum, alright?”

“Yeah, ‘cause we all know what she’s like.” Rosie tittered under her breath and I slapped lightly at her bicep to scold her. “What?” The girl exaggerated with a high-pitched drawl, rubbing at her arm with a narrowed eyed glare that was directed towards both Tea and I. “I was just saying! And what’s with you two and smacking me about today?”

Tea giggled and I squeezed her lightly before letting go.

“Don’t talk about things that have nothing to do with you.” I told my sister simply, “Freya’s a perfectly lovely woman, just a tad…”

“Insane?” Rosie offered, at the same time Tea said, “Extreme.”

“Eccentric- was what I was going to say.” I shook my head at the duo. “Honestly, the two of you.”

The girls only laughed. 

The line started to move a little while later, slowly mind, but it was a progress I was grateful to see. 

Anything to get out of this chilly wind in truth. 

And as we waddled along, the two teens I was with continued to speak of the band, trying to catch me up on anything and everything I’d missed before the show officially started.

Not that it helped at all. I was beyond crap when it came to things like that- recalling anything trivial- I could hardly even remember the band’s actual name and it was plastered practically everywhere around me. As well as this big box thing. 

I breathed out a loud sigh of relief when I realised that we were up next, and when we were signalled over towards the gates by one of the arenas guards I could see just how nervous Rosie and Tea had grown, giddy but mostly eager to just get inside. I couldn’t help the fond smile which limned my lips then, happy to see them so excited.

“You three.” A large man, branded in a security uniform, called, jerking his head over at us. I heard the girls take a deep breath as we approached and I quietly chuckled at them. “Tickets?” He stated. 

Oh shit, yeah. The tickets.

“Tickets…” I murmured quietly to myself, patting down my pockets to find them, “Tickets, tickets, tickets…”

I could feel the apprehension radiating off of my younger sister as I continued to riffle around for the poxy things, and so I flashed the bloke a wry smile before I started to unload the contents of my jacket pockets into both Rosie and Tea’s hands...

Gum, house keys, a stray tampon. Pack of haribo (because you never knew when you’d need those), ID, bank card, phone, charger. A few spare pound coins-

Oh God, that was where my Argos receipt had got to! I could finally return that shitty Nespresso machine my cousin and her fiancé had talked me into buying now.

I grinned in quiet victory whilst tucking the slip into the back pocket of my trousers.

“Y/n.” My sister stressed out in a hushed whisper, I just simply waved her off.

“They’re here somewhere. I felt them like, twenty minutes ago.” I assured her and- “Aha, told you! Three tickets, all here!”

I wore a triumphant grin when I held out the wrinkled papers towards the guard, who appeared to have been throughly amused by my prolonged charade. He took them from me to scan with a toothy smile.

“Oh cheer up, we’ll be in there in a sec.” I huffed at the girls, tucking all of my belongings back into their rightful place. Rosie didn’t look too cheerful though, but I could see that Tea’s lips had started to twitch, so I have her a conspiratorial wink in turn. Then glanced back towards the bloke, “We all good here?”

“Yeah, all good, love.” He exhaled on a faint chuckle, waving us in through the barrier without further issue. “You girls enjoy your night.”

“We will!” I promised, gifting him a gleeful smile, “You too- hope you don’t have to spend too much longer out in that cold!”

He just nodded at me, still looking rather entertained by all our antics.

“So embarrassing.” My sister felt the need to reiterate as we wondered further into the arena, practically growling.

“Oh, loosen up, would you? He was proper nice about it all. Fit too, don’t you think?” I said, glancing back over my shoulder.

But Rosie just rolled her eyes at me. Fed up, I was about to bite back at her when Tea’s unexpected gasp broke us from our little quarrel.

“Oh my god. They have the limited edition LP!”

Rosie’s eyes widened dramatically and before I knew it the two were scurrying away from me and over towards the merch stand. I sighed to myself and glanced about, hoping to see a sign that would lead me to where the bar might be.

—

We were here. In the middle of a fucking mass of people, but we’d actually done it. We’d finally managed to swindle our way near the front of standing, practically touching the barriers, even after having loaded up on snacks and drinks- mine mostly alcoholic.

The girls were buzzing. Looking all cute and excited in the outfits they’d planned months in advance, singing along to the set that was playing through the speakers to keep the crowd entertained before things begun.

And me? I was getting swept up in the atmosphere. Unable to believe that I’d almost forgotten how good it all felt. Because live music was truly unmatched.

There was just something about the heavy thud you felt in your veins, how being this close to the amps could make your chest ache in the very best way, and how’d you’d have to scream just to be heard over all the noise whilst you got lost in an avalanche of happy people. 

It really had been too long.

I was already a fair few drinks in by the time the opening act came out, and was chatting away to the couple crowded beside us. They were both a year older than me and studying down in Bournemouth. They’d bought their tickets off of a mate, who hadn’t been able to make it, on a whim when they’d had the cash to spare, and had decided to make a weekend out of it. 

We’d actually only gotten to talking when they’d almost sloshed a canned cocktail all down my back. 

I’d been startled at first, rightfully so, as this giant of a man had all but stumbled right into me, eyes as wide as saucers. His boyfriend had come to his rescue though, offered me up one in apology, and who would I have been to deny? 

So I’d cracked it open, found myself pleasantly surprised by the taste, and one thing had quickly led to another and they’d ended up letting me share the bagged vodka they’d also managed to smuggle into the stadium in the bands of their socks.

To say that I’d been impressed wouldn’t have been a lie, I sort of felt like I’d found my people in truth. Because the price of alcohol at these kind of events was always extortionate. Practically daylight robbery, there was no other way about it.

And my bank account had taken quite the hit from the first trip to the stands alone. And with two teenage girls, who could care less about money unless it was their own, I’d almost wanted to shed a tear when I’d handed over my card to the boy behind the till- he’d sympathised with me, I’d seen it in his eyes as he wished us a good time.

So here I now was, pissing it up in the pit with a bunch of strangers, a medical bag full of spirits clutched tightly in one hand. 

“Oh, God! Y/n, Y/n! It’s starting!”

I turned away from one of the boys to glance back towards my sister, who was staring up at the stage with this starry eyed expression, Tea was right beside her wearing the exact same face. I chuckled beneath my breath.

“You girls ever been to a show before?” Lewis, one half of the couple I’d met earlier, asked Rosie.

My sister shook her head at his question whilst the screens above us begun to distort and screams overwhelmed the arena. Lewis merely chuckled at Rosie's nonverbal reply, she only had eyes for the stage it seemed. 

“It’s her first gig ever. She’s been dying to see these lot for years.” I answered for her, leaning in close so that he could hear.

I saw his eyebrows lift at the information before he was grinning against my ear. “She’ll never want to see anyone else after this!”

My forehead pinched, silently questioning his statement, but just laughed it off when a row of boxes flashed brightly above us.

Lewis and I separated on cue, just as the world around us hushed for a split second and the sudden intro of a loud guitar pierced the veil.

“Please welcome, my favourite band, The 1975!” A voice then announced and I looked up, right into the eyes of a man who’d seemingly taken claim of the stage.

His smile was wide, unmatched, as he pranced up and down the front, his hair a mess of curls as a set of drums picked up the pace of the opening beat. I had to be reminded to close my gawping mouth.

Who the fuck’s that?

And I must’ve said it out loud, because I heard Lewis snort obnoxiously from right beside me, continuing to sing away whilst the girls immediately turned towards me to shout, “Matty!”

Shockingly, their loud exclamation also managed to garner the attention of the man himself when he danced by, and I watched on as the dark-haired frontman smiled down at Rosie and Tea. Waving hello. 

I was caught by utter surprise when I then found myself trapped in his heady gaze, still giggling away at the girls' hysterical reactions. 

Okay. Before I continue on, I truly am putting this all down to the alcohol that was streaming through my system, because it was then that Matty appeared to pause before me for the briefest of moments. 

And I didn’t dare look away. I couldn’t. 

He smirked down at me, eyes so observant, and I found myself shaking my head at him with a smile of my own. But sadly he only left me with a sly wink as he traipsed away to sing out into the rest of the audience.

Rosie and Tea had squealed beside me, excited to have captured the singer's focus, whilst I tried to catch my breath.

The show continued on after that and I allowed myself to relax and get lost in the people, their heat, the music. I danced, the girls and I swayed, twirling about, Lewis and I laughed, and I even managed to sing along to a couple of songs I sort of recognised. 

The current one came to an end though soon enough, and Rosie informed me with a glossy eyed smile and smudged liner that the last song was fast approaching, whilst Tea just pulled out her phone to record again. 

I nodded at my sister, squeezing her close before she pivoted away back towards her best mate, leaving me to sip at the drink I’d been trying not to spill all down myself due to the constant shoving and pushing.

Minutes went by and Matty engaged with the burly bloke on bass- whose hair I found I’d rather like to touch (because honestly, how did he get it so glossy?). Before he continued on, pointing out signs here and there, and sparking up another massive round of cheers by vocalising the inner workings of his mind, which was something he supposedly did quite often. Enough for the rest of the band to begin playing again only to shut him up. That had made me giggle. 

Dozens of faces passed over the main screen, most of them beaming, or crying, there wasn’t much of an inbetween. And Matty interacted with them all, grinning and joking in such a way that only screamed sincerity.

The shouts around us only started to double then when he made his way over to our section, and even my own heartbeat sped up as I watched his eyes drag over the absurdly large crowd. He was unfairly attractive, okay? I could easily see why my sister had taken such a shine to him.

He was smiling and my pulse stuttered then stopped altogether when Matty paused right by us, to look me directly in the eye, his eyebrows drawn tightly together.

“Alright, darling? Having a good night?” He quizzed me, the sudden weight of his attention making me jump even though the surrounding screams had yet to cease. “What’s in the bag?”

I glanced down at the liquid filled bag I was still holding, gaze drifting to Lewis for a split second before it darted back up towards the singer. “Vodka.” I told him before I could think better of it.

The sound Matty produced then was almost inhuman and I was actually quite proud of myself for having been the cause of it.

“Definitely snuck that in.” He accused, quieter this time around and with a growing smile. The audience laughed.

Rosie and Tea spun around to face me, huge smiles threatening to split their faces in half, as my brows pinched.

“Way to out me to an entire arena!” I instantly called back, ducking slightly to avoid the eyes of the hefty security man stood on the other side of the barricade. Matty’s cackle echoed out around me, coming from all directions.

“Oi, mate! Escort her out, will you?” Matty ordered, nodding down at the same man I’d previously noticed. “Ruining it for everyone.”

I gaped, eyes widening in sudden alarm whilst he just shook his head at me, feigning disappointment.

Thankfully though the singer was quick to go back on his word, waving the guard (who had actually begun to MOVE) off with a sway of his hand and a thoroughly amused grin.

Fuck, this man was really going to be the death of me, I thought. 

I willed my racing heart to slow.

“I’m just joking, love.” Matty reassured me, eyes twinkling under the array of lights. “Spotted you a couple times tonight, actually. Like to stand out, don’t you?”

It didn’t sound like much of a question.

“Might do.”

I could physically feel my brain struggling to make my mouth cooperate, and I figured I might’ve drunk a tad too much, because I usually wasn’t this tactless. Which was how I managed to surprise even myself with the next sentence I fired back.

“Or maybe it’s just you.”

“Just me?” Matty queried with a tilt of his head, and he squatted down then, bouncing on the balls of his feet for a moment before he took perch on the side of the stage. “What do you mean?”

“You’re the one who spotted me.” I retorted with a smug smile, raising my voice to be heard. “I’m just one face in a thousand. Nothing I did.”

He hummed, mouth quirked to one side. “So this is all on me then?”

I shrugged casually, but my mind was reeling.

Matty laughed before he motioned me closer. “Here’re.” He prompted, jutting his chin out and willing the crowd to woefully part. “Come on, let her through. Let her through.”

I frowned but did as I was told, slipping my way past the few who had actually managed to claim the metal fence before us, quirking a confused brow up at him.

He towered above me, even from where he was seated on the stage, and I willed back my shock when he proceeded to jump down from off his perch and approach me. My heart hammered and a lump formed in my throat.

“Have you got a favourite song of ours?” He asked and I actually felt how embarrassed I must have looked in that moment, gifting the singer a sheepish smile before I quietly informed him that I didn't have one.

His head jerked back, “What do you mean, you don’t have one?”

The sudden crow of Rosie's voice sounded above the rest of the buzzing noise then and I was unsure on whether or not to be grateful for it.

“She’d never heard any of them before tonight!”

I grimaced slightly from behind the hand that had come up to hide my face, silently hoping for the ground to just open up and swallow me whole. I could feel the heat radiating in my cheeks and the tips of my ears, knowing full well that Tea was definitely recording every inch of this mortifying moment.

“Oh, so we have a fake fan within our midsts?” Matty voiced and it was full of mirth, he found pleasure in his teasing. 

A soft brush touched my skin and before I even knew what was occurring my hand was being pried away from my flushed cheeks by the singer himself, who looked me dead in the eye and had the utter nerve to wear the most devastating grin.

“Is this all part of your plan? Lure me in and then break my heart. How’re you at my gig, after never having heard a single one of our songs?”

“I’ve heard a few!”

But my attempt to defend myself was waylaid, it seemed Matty had other ideas.

The frontman nodded over towards Rosie, who blanched under his gaze. “Go on. Tell me more. What’s her motive here?”

I watched on as Tea nudged my younger sister into talking, Rosie too shellshocked to remember that she had the biggest gob I’d known to man.

“Um,” My sister startled, blinking away before she took a deep breath, “I dragged her along tonight. Me and my friend, we’re huge fans!”

“Lovely to meet you. Glad you could make it- only wish you’d made a listener out of this one beforehand!”

“We’ve tried!” Rosie exclaimed with an exasperated sigh that had me rolling my eyes. It appeared as though she'd reverted back to her usual self, despite being under the gaze of her favourite person in the entire world. Yes, you could be assured that that was an actual quote.

“Oh it’s like that is it?” Matty asked, peering down at me. I couldn’t tear my gaze away, his brown eyes smudged with kohl making them that much more enticing.

His attention differed then, flitting back towards my sister.

“She seemed to be enjoying the set whenever I looked over though, so what happened?”

“She’s stubborn!” Rosie shouted back, and I could hear her muffled laughter through the crowd, probably upon seeing me so put out.

“Stubborn, are we?” Matty smirked, and his lips were by my ear before I knew any better, his mic long forgotten. “I like a challenge.”

And then he was gone, back to wooing the crowd and making the most of having all this attention.

I let myself slip back into the seams, breathing heavily as my sister and Tea joggled me about, Lewis and his boyfriend beaming madly from ear to ear. I tried to focus.

What had just happened?

Part Two>

[qetalos]

I NEVER EXISTED | 희승

p: non idol!heeseung x fem!oc reader g: angst, lovers to strangers (idk if that's even a trope but idgaf 😁)

warnings! break up, cheating, rumors, cursing

note: so this would be like a complete turn to my other Heeseung post Attention, this is connected to that story and it marks like the end of the relationship between Haeun and Heeseung. Enjoy ;)

This writing doesn't belong to the nwjns series!!

Also this is inspired by the song "I never existed" by Chase Atlantic!

I never expected to feel so happy with someone like Haeun, she was so sweet and loving with me that I felt as if I had met the love of my life. Although Haeun didn't want us to be public, I understood and didn't think much of it because maybe she didn't feel prepared to let everybody know about our relationship but there was something that made me feel strange, the fact that Haeun would ignore my existence whenever we were at school. I didn't expect her to act as a couple if we weren't public but I didn't expect her to ignore me either.

The other day at school I heard some girls talking about Haeun being in a relationship, with someone that wasn't me. I decided to ignore them because after all they were just rumors and because they didn't know about me and her, right?

But to be honest, those words wouldn't go out of my mind to the point I'd start to overanalyze every single thing Haeun said or did. Was I toxic for that? I wished I wasn't, but sadly I felt as if I couldn't fully trust Haeun after hearing those rumors, I felt somewhat influenced by them. I thought that I should talk to her about it and clear every thought or wrong idea, we shouldn't hide anything from us.

Sitting on the couch beside Haeun I was using my phone, and thought of that moment as the perfect one to ask her about the rumors that I had heard some weeks ago "Haeun?" "Mhm" I called her but she didn't look up from her phone, I didn't want to look toxic so I just continued with what I wanted to say "You know, some weeks ago I heard a rumor... About you dating someone else, that wasn't me..." I said and instantly felt Haeun snapping her head up to look at me, I could feel her tense too. I saw that she started to look around, avoiding my eyes "Where did you hear that?" Haeun asked, slightly nervous if you asked me "I heard it while I was walking down the school hallways, I don't remember who said that but I just remember that someone said it. I'm hoping that isn't true" I said and Haeun played with her hoodie's sleeves, she sighed and looked at me. She held my hands and looked at me "Well, that isn't true... I couldn't date anyone else but you, Hee" Haeun reached her hand up to my cheek and kissed me softly, making me forget about what we were talking about as she pulled me in for not one or two but many kisses. Back then, I believed Haeun's words because I trusted her.

Two weeks after our little conversation about those rumors, I started to think about them even more frequently; due to Haeun's actions. Suddenly we stopped hanging out so much as Haeun said she had homework or she had set up meetings with her friends, strange. Or when Haeun wouldn't answer to my calling while she's on the phone, texting a "friend", who apparently makes her smile a lot. I started to get suspicious by her actions, were the rumors true? Because if they were, that'd explain the reason why she didn't want us to go public. I noticed the distancing between me and Haeun since then, she wouldn't text me more than a good morning text or a I'm busy text if I asked her to go out or just call her. I couldn't even see Haeun as we could never "match" with our schedules, I wouldn't even see her at school anymore even if when I saw her she wouldn't even look at me because at school as if never existed for her.

"Hey Haeun, wanna go out to grab something after school?" 16:08

"Hello, no I'm busy" 16:49

"oh okay, we'll go out another day :)" 16:52 ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤseen

That's how our conversations would go, we wouldn't call each other from stupid cheesy nicknames but our names. Haeun wasn't texting me anymore either but when she replied she took some time to answer and wouldn't even try to keep the conversation going. I was confused and annoyed at her, even angry. Angry because Haeun wouldn't text me and she wouldn't even talk to me, I started to doubt if we were still together. I felt as if my trust in her had disappeared completely because Haeun didn't even care if I told her something, I'd be welcomed with a seen if I decided to text her and I was sick and tired of it. I was wondering if she still loved me.

Yesterday I saw Haeun in the school hallways with Yeonhan, he was our senior and they were walking together. I saw Haeun with her arm locked with his and when she saw me, she only smiled and I swore I would curse her in her face for that. Didn't I exist to Haeun for her to ignore me like that? I thought we were together... I guess we weren't. That told me the probably reason why she would act as if we didn't know each other in public.

I received a text from one of the girls of my class, I didn't know her but she texted me to talk about Haeun and that might be the reason why I didn't question or care much about their identity. The girl knew about me and Haeun, and that Haeun was with someone else. She told me that Haeun was dating this boy named Yeonhan and that she didn't want to be public because of him and because Yeonhan didn't know that I was with Haeun. I was angry and disappointed, how could this happen? I never saw Haeun as this type of girl, if I knew about this I wouldn't have dated her. Why did I put my eye on someone like her? Did this mean that she never felt anything for me?

Knocking on her apartment's door I waited for Haeun to appear, because I wanted an explanation from her. I waited and when the door opened I could only see Yeonhan in front of me, hilarious because she was "busy", apparently he was the one who kept her busy for me not to come over when I asked her if I could do so.

"Uh Heeseung?" He asked, weirded out by my presence "Who is it Yeon?" I heard a female voice ask before going beside Yeonhan and looking in front of her, it was Haeun the owner of the voice; of course "So Yeon huh?" I asked, chuckling dryly "What are you doing here Heeseung?" Haeun asked, sounding slightly annoyed, her tone sounding amusing to me "Why are you asking? I'm your boyfriend, you shouldn't ask me that" I said, knowing well of the presence of Yeonhan beside her "Your boyfriend, Haeun? What is he talking about? I'm your boyfriend" Yeonhan said, looking at Haeun. I was enjoying this deep inside, knowing that Yeonhan didn't know about me was funny because Haeun never told him. "L-let me explain" she panicked and I laughed, making the couple in front of me look at me "Let me explain, Haeun" I said and Haeun swallowed hard "Yeonhan... I think you didn't know but I was in a relationship with Haeun until... Five minutes ago? I don't know because if I knew she was with you, I wouldn't have ever dated her" "Oh is that it, Haeun?" Yeonhan asked Haeun, and she looked away. I was loving this so much, even if it sounded evil, she deserved this "I think I should leave you two to talk about this, after all I'm not your boyfriend anymore Haeun, right?" I asked, and took a peek at her face. I tattooed her expression deep in my mind. I looked up and sighed, I turned around to walk away. "Does this explain why you didn't want us to be public and why you ignored me at school?!" I shouted as I walked away, smirking as I saw her and Yeonhan still standing in her door. On my way back home I thought about all of this situation, was this our final break up? Because I felt as if we had broken up a long while ago.

"Heeseung, can we talk? Please"

"Oh now is when you text me? After you had fucked everything up?"

"I know but I'm sorry, please let's meet to talk this out"

"Talk about what? Just go on and tell them, all of your friends and Yeonhan, that I never existed, as you did before when we were "together"

Maybe that could help you look less worse than you are right now if someone knew about what you did with me and Yeonhan"

"I'm so sorry Hee"

"You shouldn't be calling me that and you know it, Haeun"

"I know, I'm sorry"

"I don't care if you're sorry or not, what's done is done. I hope I never see you again"

I laughed at the way Haeun was looking for my forgiveness after what she had done, she could have at least used a quarter of her brain before and could've told me about this and be sorry. But right now? It's useless. The word "us" with her is useless, because there wasn't an us between me and her not when there was someone else already.

‽゜・。。

Thank you for reading!

do not copy, repost on other socials or translate. all rights reserved to @/stqrlite.

-🏷️

[spade-riddles]

Submission: The Bait & Switch Theory

Lately I've been hate-reading a pop culture subreddit. It's not focused on Taylor, but people have been posting about her a lot lately (for obvious reasons). The overall vibe is pretty negative towards Taylor, but I usually skim the comments to see what casual fans are saying.

I want to share some recent comments I've seen (no usernames, and I rewrote some parts so they aren't word-for-word). Warning, you will probably get frustrated reading them. I did. But these are theories from casual listeners, non-swifties, who believe that Taylor really dates men, and they see this situation from a totally different angle than we do. While you read them, see if you have any new ideas about where Taylor might be going with this MH thing. I'll share my own thoughts after the comments. Another warning: this is a very long post-- sorry!

(These are all from a thread discussing a DailyMail article about how Taylor and MH are allegedly writing music together for her next album. I'll come back to my thoughts on this.)

On the subject of Midnights and MH, has anyone else gone back and listened to Question…? with him in mind? It all makes a lot of sense. Bejeweled too (the 1975 call themselves “the band”) and Cardigan.

Also “I swear that it was something/ ‘cause I don’t remember who I was/ Before you painted all my nights/ a color I’ve searched for since” from Question sounds a lot like “Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me/You showed me colors/You know I can't see with anyone else” from Illicit Affairs.

^^ Comment 1. Bolded parts from me.

All of it makes sense in context of falling in love with MH.

Anti-hero? She knew this relationship wouldn't be well received.

Midnight Rain? Joe was "sunshine she was midnight rain. He wanted a bride, she was chasing that fame."

Snow on the Beach? "Weird but fucking beautiful, you wanting me tonight feels impossible."

Labyrinth? "Uh-oh, I'm falling in love again. I thought this plane was going down, how'd you turn it right around?"

The entire album was about MH the entire time and we had no idea.

^^ Comment 2. I bolded the last sentence.

I don't understand how Taylor TOLD US Cardigan "was about" MH while on stage, into a microphone, and people are still denying it.

She wasn't trolling. She was revealing.

Cardigan is about him. And it seems like they weren't ON in 2014 and OFF for the next 8 years. Instead it's looking like they've gone back to each other again and again.

^^ Comment 3. This is the one that was most illuminating to me. Bolded part from me.

I think if they break up soon, she will phase him out and never mention him again.

^^ Comment 4. I'll come back to this one too.

Okay. So. Let's consider some hypotheticals.

Let's say Taylor wants to reintroduce Karlie into her public life. 

Let's say they want the public Kaylor narrative to be as close to real life as possible. Let's also assume that they don't want to out anyone and that there are contracts limiting what they can say about their beards.

Let's say there's someone else Taylor has known since about 2014: MH. A dude with an awful reputation, definitely worse than Karlie's.

Let's say the narrative they want people to believe, one day, is that Karlie is the one that got away from Taylor. They were a couple a decade ago, then they were together on and off, having an illicit affair with each other the entire time they were "in relationships" with JA and JK. And after Taylor and JA broke up, she privately reunited with Karlie and they lived happily ever after.

Let's also assume, maybe incorrectly (idk), that Karlie is the real William Bowery, and that Taylor wants people to know that JA didn't write or produce any of her music. Conveniently, MH is ALSO a musician. They're rumored to have written music together in the past, although we've never heard it, and now they're seen at the studio together.

So I wonder if Taylor and Karlie are limited in what they can say or imply, especially when it comes to the Karlie/JK timeline. Instead, Taylor is briefly introducing MH as her boyfriend and letting everyone speculate about how she's been in love with him for ages and how she cheated on JA with MH for years and how they write music together. She spells out the ENTIRE fucking story for everyone, and they finally start to piece it together. The only part that's wrong is that the story has the name MH where it should say KK.

What if this is a bait and switch? Where MH totally disappears from the picture, never to be mentioned again, but only after she uses him to plant a narrative. We don't get any musical collaboration after all. Maybe MH, being a loose canon, even alludes to faking a relationship with Taylor.

And then 5 seconds later, she switches out MH for KK. They do the exact same things together. KK goes to shows, they go out to dinner, maybe she's seen leaving Electric Lady, or she's seen with an LV bag going into Taylor's building. Maybe TS11 doesn't feature any songs with MH, but William Bowery is still credited even though JA is long gone. And maybe they just let people connect the dots over time. Like a folk tale, where no one really knows for sure what happened between Taylor, Karlie, JA, JK, and MH, but it's generally accepted that Taylor and Karlie have loved each other for a long time. Over the years, people forget some of the details and accept the Kaylor folklore as fact.

I'm so curious as to what you all think.

By the way, I know this is long enough already, but I do just want to say that I don't want to minimize MH's disgusting behaviors. I do believe it's morally wrong to prop up people like MH (and JK), because it lends credibility to dangerous ideas and disguises wolves as sheep. I think this is a line T & K are okay with crossing, and they are probably in a very complicated situation, but I'm not trying to excuse them for their roles here.

[yooniesim]

So i follow(ed) zhuhaitang and you both and he's been off his rocker for days tbh I'm not sure who's whispered in his ear, talking him into believing attacking your server was a good idea, i'm not on discord. because honestly the corona joke was stupid of you but it doesn't seem to be your original idea just something you mindlessly repeated and everyone on his blog is throwing it way out of proportion. AND i remember your story with the two sims you based off kpop idols and it was... nothing really just kind of childish i guess and maybe a bit weird, BUT all his receipts in general are..... so bland not in a "drama" way but in a "I can't take it that someone is enforcing a personal boundary that doesn't include me in their space" or "i hate it when we are not about me" or literally anything that wouldn't have had either of you stressing your holidays away? You don't need to post this or anything but I'm sorry for both of you having to go through this, espeically him because he seems really freaked that he couldn't actually handle being called out for his? hypocracy i guess

Thanks for this anon! Yes, that joke was stupid as hell, that's what I get for mindlessly parroting a stupid ass meme like a moron lmfao. I should've known it would've been twisted out of context, like everything else I've said. And yeah, I had kpop sims and played em like dolls, and yeah, I still cringe when I think about it- but such is life, right? None of this had to be like this and I honestly wish he had stopped ranting like three days ago when I still felt mildly sorry for the guy. I'm not surprised the 20 year old minor stalker association is blowing it out of proportion bc they have raging hard-ons for anything I do or say... it's a little disturbing but i'm somewhat used to it by now and I honestly don't care. I've had enough time to realize that they're going to say the most outrageous shit about me but like... fortunately, it doesn't matter one bit. Like what do they think, they're gonna call me names and I'm gonna keel over or some shit? Is my presence going to spontaneously explode off the internet? Am I gonna lose a couple followers? Like so what. Like I care about being blocked or unfollowed by anyone anymore. I already have half of simblr blocked or vice versa lol. They bring up the same shit every two months and call me the same things... and a few more if they can manage to out-do their previous vileness... and I just stay just the same as I am and carry on as I like. Just cos they say something about me doesn't make it true. They can say whatever they like at this point. But it was funny bc after I posted about my dad passing away I was like, how much you wanna bet that weird crowd is gonna start poking at me about something stupid again? And it was like god damn clockwork, within a day or two they were starting this silly thing up lmfao.

Anyway, thank you for the empathy nonny. Idk who told him this was a good idea either because it certainly was not. Not at all.

[sysmedsaresexist]

like i do follow you and stuff and enjoy your content most of the time, this isnt meant to be an attack or smth, but i thought id point smth out. in that recent post you made abt blocking that guy, you said in the tags not to feed the trolls.

which is why im sending this ask, bc you do feed the trolls. pretty often and to this day you feed the trolls. you were reblogging stuff from thefakersystems 2 days ago, and are now saying not to feed the trolls?

this isnt really like a call out or me telling you to do anything or smth, just. something ive noticed. it actually really surprised me to see you say that, since you seem to not really care about feeding the trolls, so idk. just thought id say smth

I have a couple asks about trolls (A. Clown, ilu, yes, report), and there's one, very annoying, troll-like creature that annoys me personally, so I'm going to answer this

I like to rate trolls on two scales

Harmless to harmful

Boring to amusing

The one I recommended people block is harmful and boring

They made a blog and immediately started reblogging-- not MY posts, but my reblogs of OTHER people's positivity

That's not a danger or annoyance to myself, in this case, it's a danger to my followers and those I interact with

That means an immediate block from my blog, and a late night of checking for new blogs that might indicate round 2 (to reiterate, I was the only one they had reblogged from)

Unfortunately, I didn't catch that troll until their fifth reblog

I told those I know personally to block the blog before checking their notifications

To others, I'm sorry I didn't catch them on the first post, I'm sorry that you had to see depressing nonsense on amazing positivity posts

That's why I ALSO said in the tags, just block, there's nothing interesting to see, no amusement is going to come out of it, don't send them anons, just block and move on

Thefakersystem, on the other hand, is harmless and amusing, commenting lol on random posts and actually making me laugh at times-- they've really only reblogged my original posts, so they're not using my blog like it's a buffet of victims to pick from

They are not using my blog to attack others, they're not a direct threat to my followers or those I interact with

They're an annoying little background buzz that sometimes gets a chuckle. Everyone already knows they exist, so I don't need to tell anyone to be careful, and people either already have them blocked or know what to look for

Now, I did see that they may be involved in the anons going around, potentially the triggering ones

That's a bit different, now we have a problem, they've gone up to "mildly harmful question mark?"

I'm keeping an eye on the situation and will act appropriately, as needed

I don't know how long you've been around, but does anyone remember the shadow the hedgehog blog?

I actually spoke directly with that blog at the time and found out it was joke-- I was scared for them and my followers, so I do my due diligence where needed

But my followers can be rabid, and the shadow blog started getting death threats and suibait, and then I put a stop to it, on behalf of the TROLL, calling out those users specifically and making it very clear that this blog does not support that-- the users that sent those anons essentially ruined any fun that people were having-- and trust me, it was hilarious for most people, or I would have stopped it earlier

I have also been accused numerous times of coordinating mass reports against real users, so I need to be careful what callouts I make about who, and what I "ask" my followers to do, because there's no winning either way

And if you ARE the annoying, troll-like creature that I mentioned, you're a massive hypocrite and I hope you know everyone is laughing at you

Because if people weren't laughing, you'd be hard blocked

(If you're not that user, I hope this answers your question and helped ❤️)

[unorcadox]

2 years of unorcadox.

hey hi welcome all -- hello especially to my trans and nonbinary followers, hope we’re all doing well ^_^  today’s the blog’s birthday!!  as of this post going live, assuming tumblr actually does its job, it will have been 2 years since uo’s first post!  i wanna just talk about the blog a little because i haven’t talked on here much as of late.

however, before that, i want to just say that i’d like to eventually start releasing video edits to accompany certain edits!  i have no idea when this’ll get sorted, but i’m gonna try to get it ready by the turn of the year, so keep an eye out for that!  these will mostly just be a single edit with accompanying audio on them, but who knows.  maybe i’ll do something more?

in case you choose to not read the stuff below the read more, i just want to say thank you to everyone for supporting the blog over the years, and for continuing to do so!  anyways, onto the actual post:

first of all, thank you all SO much for 9000 followers!!  it’s over 9000 wow!!  ok but seriously, when i first started this blog, i didn’t expect anyone to ever see it.  i know it’s a cliche thing to say but i told no one i was making it, i didn’t network to other blogs, i just made a really shitty edit and slapped it up on here, and somehow i got lucky.  i’ve made over 800 edits as of today’s post, and that’s just the ones i’ve posted!  fun fact, if i’d never mass-posted my backlog in august, i would’ve ran out literally days ago.  that’s how much content i try to stay ahead on.

second of all, i kinda wanna take a moment to say that i’m sorry about the lack of requests being fulfilled -- both recently and in the past.  i edit in batches, and prioritize content i need for scheduling purposes, but sometimes requests get kinda forgotten in the shuffle, or i don’t really have much in the way of ideas for it, so i shelve it and hope i can come back to it later... which i very rarely do.  😔  going to try and catch up on a couple of ones i have and feel free to send in more!  i know i don’t really interact as much on here as i probably should, but i love getting asks and requests and i read the notes on my posts frequently so.  thank you for being there!

third of all, the future of the blog.  so, i want to make this clear now -- uo’s not going anywhere!  i don’t intend on changing the blog at all, if anything i’d want to add onto it.  i post 3 times a day now currently, with intermittent unplanned posts at off-times, mostly reblogs of others’ edits.  however, weirdcore is probably not forever and i am kinda thinking about where this blog could go in the future.  i’ve considered opening a redbubble, ko-fi or patreon, as a way to support myself financially (i take virtually every photo used on this blog, and use very little outside content esp. in these newer edits) but i am uncertain about it.  i could also try branching out my image editing into other styles or something, but idk what!  what would you guys like to see?  i’ve considered actually talking on the blog more, transitioning to having text posts be a major part of the blog, but i’m not quite sure about how they’d be received.  let me know if you want to see anything on here!  --  relatedly since we’re mentioning blogs, check out @dreamlink3d as i’m still working on it :)

one last thing actually, for those who choose to read the read more, enjoy the secret -- before i had to go on hiatus in august, i was working on trying to attach songs to specific uo edits, for a compilation album of some kind.  i ended up running them through a site that just attaches audio to an uploaded images in ...ways i don’t understand, BUT the end results were so fun, i edited and compiled them into 2 “albums”!  i don’t consider them my own work as i didn’t make the audio, and they won’t be used in the upcoming stuff, but you can listen to them here [1] and here [2] !  click on a song title to see its associated edit btw!

i know i said the last thing was the last but i just remembered actually, i want to say like.  it’s weird being one of the “first” weirdcore blogs to really hit its stride, and one of the only from that time to still be around and actively posting.  cahwwcabh is deactivated and they were a huge influence on me and wc as a whole, sanfor has deactivated, shwenthe/hazy/dragon/hauntedearth/a lot more tbh have more or less gone inactive, godenteredmybody and pirate-flavor still post intermittently, and most of the active blogs now are a newer set that i didn’t ever meet in my time in weirdcord.  it’s weird but cool in a way!  i really like the newer set of editors tbh, and i hope that me supporting them encourages people to check them out.  in general this whole section is meaningless but idk i felt like vocalizing it.  it’s a weird feeling watching all your peers more or less move on while you stay behind and see a new wave of artists take their place more or less.  anyways, i just hope that my edits still bring happiness and meaning to the people who see them :)

ok NOW i’m done.  sorry for the wall LMAO i just felt like actually saying something for once on here.  btw i’ve been doing a lot better since i got back from hiatus, i hope you (yes you, the reader of this post) are doing well too -- i know this blog tends to lean heavily on negative emotions, and as such it kinda attracts people who are troubled -- so i feel like i gotta check in every once in a while LMAO.  i hope life is being kind to you, thank you so much, and have a lovely day <3.

[f0point5]

Oooooh my god the feels from this chapter!! The drama! The emotions! Those two babies 🥺

Whenever you make it sound like those two aren't supposed to end up together as a couple, I'm stuck thinking about it, wondering if you're right. Reading this part I honestly don't see them ending up with anyone BUT each other.

There is so much emotional damage and hurt for both of them and they do need to grow from this and learn how to really trust in a relationship, how to not fear a repeat of their own parents marriages, how to love and be loved and not run from this.

BUT seeing how y/n speaks about Elliot and their "relationship" and how she deals with that makes me believe she's never gonna trust any "normal" boyfriend the way she trusts in Max and their "relationship". She said she needs him. And we can all see how he needs her too. They can learn together. They understand each other's fears and they can work with that. They're already acting like a married couple, just without marriage and the intimate part of a relationship. But everything else is there, all the emotions, the trust.

I can see it. For the first time since you brought up the question whether they might possibly be better off as friends, I can clearly see how that doesn't have to be the way it goes.

The texts between Max and Daniel felt kinda illuminating... I've made this ask a couple weeks ago, how I felt like there's been sth happening in the past that made Max believe y/n wouldn't see him as more than a friend and him reacting to that in a way that made her believe he wouldn't see her like that.

Well... what if that something was the blind date that Clara set up for them? If what Daniel wrote is true to some extent, Max might have been a lil more keen on her back then than she'd thought he was. We only got her side of the picture, saying Max drew his line. But what if he didn't? What if she just thought he did and made it seem like she isn't interested either?

I think I remember y/n once said to someone that Max takes what he wants. But would he now? If he thought there's not a chance in hell she'd like him for more, he wouldn't try. No doubt. I'm not saying he's insecure in that department. But I feel like he's not always aware of how people perceive him. And he might not care about that, especially with anyone else. But be seems to care with her. If I think back to him telling her off for the Twitter posts, I wonder if it was him becoming all self-conscious because he's just not sure how to take those things from her. And if he really thought, like way back in the days, she's not attracted, doesn't see him as boyfriend material, whatever, it might explain his reactions to her publicly discussing how hot she thinks he is (let's put it like that).

Because he might start to think she means it. And it's probably a can of worms he doesn't want to open. Firstly, because of all the obvious reasons and their shared panic of relationship commitments. And secondly, because he might need to rethink the path he's taken with her all those years back, missed chances and all. And Max isn't one to ponder on the past.

Just my feelings about this part and some rambling... sorryyy for the long text again. 😅

Love your work!! 🧡

Right so. I waited until I had time to answer this because honestly it took me a while to formulate an answer for many reasons.

You. Be. Cooking. Like…yes. You and I are cooking from the same stove but you don’t have all my spices, if you catch my drift.

I keep going backwards and forwards whether I’m going to do a flashback part with the actual dinner date because on the one hand I want everyone to know what happened but on the other hand I like the idea that such a big part of their story is this mystery that the characters get to keep private. IDK ITS HARD. Because the story of why it wasn’t a date is illuminating but then also in the grand scheme of things doesn’t make too much difference.

I will say obviously it affected the trajectory of their relationship but there’s more to Max’s thought process than what happened in 2017.

Ugh your rambles always SO tempt me to reveal things that I want people to pick up on more but then it’ll make the plot slightly less surprising.

I will just say that Max and Y/N have known each other a LONG time. And Max has been a public figure for a LONG time. Both of things have shaped his perception of the situation maybe more than even he likes to admit. I mean…it’s kinda hinted very vaguely in a bonus part.

YOUR ASKS ALWAYS MAKE ME WANT TO SHARE EVERYTHING WITH YOU!!!

Keep cooking. It’s smelling good ;)

[radioactive-mocha]

Help needed to find fic!

Hey everyone, I’ve been going crazy the past two days searching for a Bruce Wayne x Reader fic I read not too long ago! How I can’t find it, having read it recently, I have no idea. I even google searched phrases I remember but no luck. So if anyone knows what fic it is, I’d be so grateful!

The fic’s about Bruce and reader being in a relatively new relationship and they have their first major disagreement. With how all his last relationships were where he gave expensive gifts as an apology, he thinks reader wants a gift too but they just wanna talk. Which surprises him.

A couple of the lines I remember are: “he felt more like a glorified bank account (or credit card idk) than a boyfriend” and “in all his post relationships, sending over expensive gifts became a habit (something like this)”.

Please help me find it, it’s really driving me nuts 😅

[mister-eames]

I was tagged by @killym - thank you darling!!

Are you named after anyone: My middle name is my grandmothers name. I have a funny story about my and my siblings given names that aren’t really funny so much as they are sad but!!! There’s a story, I guess. 

When was the last time you cried: Idk, like two days ago. Sometimes songs just hits you weird when you’re driving to work at 7am, ok? Sometimes you listen to ‘Somebody I Fucked Once’ and it hits close to home. But tbh, I cry every couple of days over something dumb, usually, like a song or a commercial or a movie I’ve seen 1k times. I’m a very emotional person. Actually wait I just remembered, I last cried yesterday, watching Masterchef Australia.

Do you have kids: Nope.

Do you use sarcasm a lot: I have never used sarcasm a day in my life.

What sports do you play/have played: Netball, MMA. Does ballet count?

What's the first thing you notice about people: Body language.

What's your eye color: Green.

Scary movies or happy endings: Happy endings 24/7/365. 

Any special talents: I can put my legs behind my head?

Where were you born: Australia

What are your hobbies: I almost left this blank before posting. Um? Hobbies,  I have them, sure. Painting. Travelling, which I’m glad I get to do again after the borders have reopened. Ballet. Does making edits and gifsets of OTPs count?

Do you have pets: Yes! Two cats. 

How tall are you: 173cm/5′8

Favorite subject in school: Art and English.

Dream job: Painting to my hearts content on someone else's dime. That, or a botanist. 

I’d like to tag: @dingdangit, @lolahardy, @belbeten, @strangegeology, @iamanonniemouse, @stormofsharpthings @darlingandmreames and anyone else who wants to do this!

[septembersghost]

Diff anon but sometimes it really is better to dissociate muses from songs. Because you gets more freedom to analyse songs in a way you weren't able to before. I remember someone interpreting style/ treacherous parallels. And it blew my mind. TO ME those songs came from similar emotional grounding. Sexual tension, drawn to danger(this slope is treacherous,I like it/burning flames or paradise.....watch us go round'n'round) and doing opposite of sensible thing, even midnight reference. The only problem I found was that the person who wrote it was using these points to argue how its about harry. And while I definitely agree backstory makes some songs(atw, style, delicate etc) better some are definitely better off left alone. Couple of weeks ago I saw someone argue clean is "jake/harry" and I don't understand this desire for it to be about one person at all. Especially since she is a human being who goes through a lot. Days ago I saw her performing IAD at red tour and her speech was something like this. 'We all have one person, or maybe two, who you want to call but is resisting". Separating emotions and associating it with one person is hard. Especially when you are having multiple back-to-back heartbreaks. The connections you find in an artist's music has more to do with artist than the muse. This is why some songs are joe-coded even when it was written before she met him. This is why last kiss is one of the saddest Taylor songs eventhough fandom collectively agrees jake was her first true heartbreak. This is why Polaroid is not a harry-exclusive thing. The parallels between yaom and clean are there but that's not the proof that clean was about her high school bf. As we grow up, we associate same things with different people at different times. This fandom really want to nail down every songs and conduct paternity test and sometimes the narrative that crafted with it is invasive as fuck(there is a theory that Taylor hooked up with jake after red released because 'clean is not about anyone else so Taylor mentioning 10 months is proof' and I hate all these theories with passion. Swifties sometimes are very invasive.

i think what started the fierce association with muses as far as taylor goes were differing theories that got so out of hand, kind of in the way you mention - we know treacherous is NOT about H, and yet the people who insist a bunch of red is inspired by him end up getting argued with by the people who say it isn't (because logic), and this leads to a vicious cycle of asserting reality through the facts and timelines we have, and yet many things remain presumption. it's sort of like the fighting that happened about maroon being assigned to anyone and everyone (it's about tom! it's about harry! it's about joe! it's about taylor's neighbor's cat!) when she spelled out the obvious answer for us. this leads fans who are in essence trying to be protective of her and her truths to become defensive (and i've done this too) so that her own experience doesn't get erased, only then it can also become invasive itself or a misrepresentation of details that she wields to craft metaphors rather than being wholly literal. idk if you saw this post, but that second tweet makes me think so much of her work. songs are not separated by fiction/nonfiction, it bleeds together.

The connections you find in an artist's music has more to do with artist than the muse. this part. taylor has a very clear, uniquely specific voice in her writing, in her "pens" - the echoes and connections throughout her work are often because that's how she perceives and captures the world.

i've said many times before that i don't think it's wrong to understand the core story and person a song may be about, we know what we know and taylor's experiences are still her own, and we don't entirely divorce art from its inspiration (i've definitely used this reference before, but bright star is beautiful on its own as a romantic poem, and powerful when you know about fanny brawne and what was happening to keats, one meaning doesn't negate the other, the same is true of music). the tricky part comes in when fans either say you're not allowed to interpret the songs in your own personal way or apply them however you want (to your own personal life, to fictional characters, whatever else), or when people say we're not allowed to acknowledge what taylor is saying about herself in her own writing. there's an important middle ground! we can and should be able to do both, respect both, and value both.

[metalheadcowboy]

Guys I’m in a real dilemma and I need an opinion.

So, idk if anyone remembers but I was talking about how I was going to get a tattoo on my next birthday to start living for myself and was super excited about it. And for context I was planning on getting Eddie’s bats on the outside of my forearm (call me basic or bash me idc just hear me out, please.) because I’ve wanted to get a Stranger Things tattoo for a while now and I love Eddie and I wanted something simple, so I fell in love with his bats. And when I saw that one of the Stranger Things stylists posted the original design on her Instagram I felt like it was a sign to finally jump into the deep-end and go for it.

Anyways, I was telling my friend who already has a couple of tattoos about it and she was excited for me and even said she was going to come with me and get another Stranger Things tattoo. Awesome, sounds great, really excited. But I just got a text from her that said she was going to get Eddie’s bats as well AND her original tattoo idea, and it really just shattered my excitement for the tattoo into a million pieces.

Like of course I get plenty of people are going to go out and get this exact tattoo, and that’s great! More power to them, like it’s not some ingenious original idea I came up with and I fully understand and accept that. It just feels weird that it’s my best friend and I mentioned it a few days ago all hyped up and now she’s pulling the rug out from under me, texting me in all caps that she’s getting it too idk. I left her on read my entire work shift and I still don’t know what to say, because I feel petty and rude asking her not to get it. But at the same time she probably wouldn’t have wanted to get it if I didn’t bring up wanting to get it in the first place and I don’t know if I should just let her have it and I just forget it and move on, because we’ve never and I mean never been in a fight and I’m scared of this turning into something bigger than it has to be or if I should stand my ground and tell her how I feel.

Basically this is Reddit and I’m asking you if I’m the asshole 😭

[screamingay]

Do you have any OCs? feel free to talk about them if you do What was the first piece of media you engaged with on the internet? Are you still interested in it? What's something you made or did that you're proud of? What's something that made you smile this month?

ooh this is so fun tysm!!!

i do have some ocs! ive been working on them on and off since high school and i still dont have an overarching story or anything for them but i'll go over the basics if anyone's interested o.o

the basic premise is a group of friends who start a band called good question, but ive always considered the main couple of this universe to be renee and pj (who i just renamed a minute ago dont worry abt it) even tho they aren't really in the band. the band is made up of alysha on lead guitar and vocals, juan on drums, and anis on bass, with meg as a roadie and sati as their social media manager (and also regular manager). calypso is the newest addition to the group, they're the youngest and im not entirely sure how they'll fit in but i think they're just gonna be a younger college student or something. ive sketched and drawn everyone in the group, some more than others, but i'm still really working on their designs and physical & personality traits and backgrounds and all that. i know that pj likes anime and sati & anis are exes and alysha is an amputee and renee is jewish and all kinds of stuff but i haven't really fleshed them out as much as i want to eventually. lmk if ur interested in hearing more abt them bc it would definitely encourage me to work on them more hehe

i dont really remember what my first internet media was, but i feel like it mostly started with youtube and stuff like charlie the unicorn. my first fandoms were book series, the hunger games and hp and the mortal instruments and all that, and im absolutely not into most of it anymore except the hunger games i still think they're brilliant

i'm definitely proud of some of the stuff ive made! i havent been working on my skills as much lately but my gf has been inspiring me bc i love drawing her body <33 so other than those drawings of her in my top posts rn and that taz comic i did a while ago i like these too

lots of things make me smile!! getting this ask made me smile! also harper got her first tattoo and it happened to have my lucky number in it and my cat is so cute so im happy every time i get to see him and i saw the sun set on bare trees in front of dark clouds a few days ago which is one of my favorite things to take pictures of <3

thank u again for all this!! i love sharing things abt myself and idk if this was like a chain or what but i might send it along to someone else anyway bc it's so nice ty

[watery-pancake]

Short Story

Idk why I've been posting them lately. Or rather, just the last two posts. I think I do, a little.

I've been talking to F less lately. I'm pulling away, getting bored. It always happens, right once I'm comfortable with someone, I start to miss the fights and the sleepless nights filled with dread and anxiety. It's a poisonous drug I'm addicted to. I miss him so much, but I feel like asking to come over will make me weak and pathetic.

I told him about it. About an experience growing up. I won't go into detail, because I don't want to start shaking. It was during finals week, and I'd just about burnt myself out from the sheer amount of studying I was doing. I was at his house, and he was a saint. He made sure I ate, held me while I sobbed how overwhelmed I was and spoke such soft words I never thought I could hear from him. He's usually the type that when I say something really personal about my feelings for him he just shoots me a thumbs up or says "oh cool". I know it's from how awkward he is with expressing this kind of stuff.

Or maybe it isn't as mutual as I hope it is.

Idk.

Whatever, that's not the point. The point is I burnt myself out to the point that even a small trigger to those locked memories just made me explode. It's not something I ever thought I'd tell him. Or anyone. I always wanted to keep it inside, safe, where no one could know about the years I experienced this.

I feel like he judges me. He doesn't say it. But I feel it in the silences. That I'm dirty and disgusting. Worthless piece of human garbage. Pathetic for letting it happen.

I keep showering, to the point the skin on my upper arms is becoming red and painful. No amount of scrubbing will make me feel clean. I go over the same areas, trying desperately to find new parts to clean. I eat more out of anxiety, disgusted by the shape my body can never change from. I clean dishes, my hands too, even if they are pruned I keep washing.

I keep seeing his messages pop up, and I have to hold myself back to respond, like a dog on a leash. I just think about how he knows what happened to me and how he must just feel pity for me at this point. Or wants to use me as a joke for how stupid I must have been. It haunts me.

I bought a bottle of bourbon a couple of weeks ago, but never touched it. I got it kind of as a sign of "I'm doing well in life, let me be one of those pretentious people who has a fancy sounding alcohol instead of the cheap vodkas I usually get." I didn't plan on drinking it, ever, until the other day when I just broke down.

I couldn't stop shivering despite how warm the room was, or freaking out despite my calming environment. Nothing was wrong, but it felt so wrong to let this secret of myself out. I promised myself to tell no one. No one can ever know this disgusting thing happened.

I was so stupid, that in a vulnerable state I let myself speak. I'd never said it out loud before, nor gone through the mental process to think of the men. I'd just remembered "oh that happened" and that was it. No details, like the ones that he heard. He just laid there and listened. And I am disgusted in me.

I wish I could run away forever. Forget I ever happened. I'm hoping a little that happens, kind of. Go back to the same bullshit I did with Tristen by socially isolating myself from absolutely everyone and everything in my life for years on end. I'm exhausted of human interaction. I'm exhausted by myself.

I don't know why I keep journaling. I know in years that I'll feel too embarrassed by my pretentious language and how dumb I'm being when it seems like common sense what I should do. It's not like anyone is gonna read it anyways. I guess it does help, to at least let it out to something that can't judge or criticize me. I can talk to F, but he'll try to fix it.

I can't be fixed, and I don't know how to explain that to him.