#idk man i could write pages about him just based off the movie

[gcblinisms-blog]

“well, this isn’t quite what i expected but i suppose i’m in no position to complain.” there’s a pause as he sucks his lip between his teeth, releasing it almost immediately as he lets out a laugh. “it’s certainly nice to be outside again even if it is cold.”

[pappydaddy]

Enchanted (j.m)

A/N: Hello lovelies! To wrap up my 300 follower celebration, I am posting this! This was submitted by someone who I love to interact with - obx anon. They requested a blurb based off of Enchanted by Taylor Swift with the enchanting JJ Maybank. However, this did not turn out to be a blurb, it was a full-out fic because I could not help myself. What else am I supposed to do with Taylor Swift songs as prompts? But, yeah, this is like nine pages which isn't too bad, but still not a blurb. While I was writing I was thinking about doing a part two, but idk. If y'all want a part two, just let me know. Like I just need one person to tell me and I will do it. I already have ideas.

I've also been listening to Speak Now on repeat since I got this ask. Also, this, Wedding Crasher (re-write) and Part Two of A Lumberjack and A Mullet (and a rewrite of that) (these two fics are available on Stragner Things Masterlists) will be part of the eventual Speak Now collection once the album is re-released and after Folklore/Evermore + Fearless + Red collections are done.

Anywho, obx anon, I hope you love this lovely💛!

Pairing: JJ Maybank x fem!reader

TV Show/Movie: Outer Banks

Taglist: @rottenstyx

part i - you're here! | part ii​​

AU where the treasure hunt did not turn into what it is in the show. No Bahamas, no Ward/Rafe psychopathy, etc. Just a harmless, fun little adventure that brought Sarah and Kie together again.

Requested as part of an event by the lovely obx anon

Warnings: idk if there is any? Fluff? Some angst? Just someone falling in love with someone they just met. Mention of socio-economic levels, social status, etc.

masterlist | taglist | wips | navigation

- not my gif -

One would think the life of a rich kid would be easy, a dream within a dream - and for some it is. Y/N never was one to overlook the advantages and privileges she had in life thanks to her parent’s wealth, even if they weren’t all that wealthy. The L/N family sat comfortably in the upper class of life, they had the fancy house, the social status, but there were definitely richer families - particularly her mother’s best friend’s stepfamily. Rose Cameron was one of Y/N’s mother’s closest friends since their realtor’s course way back when and was the whole reason Y/N was forced to move to the small island in the Outer Banks of North Carolina. Missing the California lifestyle, Y/N found the incessant welcoming parties people have been throwing them a bit overwhelming but unavoidable. Part of being on the lower part of the upper-class scale was putting on the show.

So, here she was, faking a laugh as some stranger clutching a champagne fluke made some horrible joke. Dressed to the tens, almost all of the Kooks of the island were gathered in the Cameron’s extravagant house, having just finished a fancy meal and currently waiting for the patio to be reopened to allow them to meander back out to the bar. One thing Y/N noticed about Rose and the Cameron’s - they loved to show off their wealth. “Y/N, dear, why don’t you tell everyone about your shot at a prestigious scholarship- actually, I’ll tell them.” Her mother boasted yet again, her gentle hand being placed on her shoulder blade that was exposed by the thin, crisscrossing straps of her satin dress. Faking a smile, Y/N stayed quiet as her mother tried to up their social standing to the group of adults.

“Say, Mr. Carrera, we should get together for a round of golf, I’ve heard the course at the Country Club is amazing. Perhaps we can get the wives and children together the same day, give us a bit more freedom, am I right?” Her father laughed with one of the other men in the small cluster, branching from the others.

“Please, call me Mike,” The man corrected him politely, before tipping his champagne fluke towards her father slightly. “And I think I’ll take you up on that offer, maybe your daughter could help set an example for mine, we’ve been having problems with her lately,” Mike whispered the last part to Y/N’s father quietly as if it were top secret information. “Actually, she’s here somewhere, she’s probably outside helping her friends, some of them are working the party-” Mike cut himself off, looking over the heads of the crowd gathered in the base floor of the Cameron’s house. “She’s walking in the door now, Kiara!” He yelled her name, waving her over.

“Y/N, come here for a moment please,” Her own father spoke softly but with a harsh tone daring her to not comply. She did as he asked, her heels clicking against the expensive tile for the few steps it took to approach the two, another pair of heels joining them seconds later. “This is Mike and his daughter, she’s about your age.” He gestured to the man and (presumably) Kiara as she settled at her father’s side rather reluctantly.

“This is Kiara, Kiara, this is Y/N,” Mike introduced the two girls, prompting them both to smile politely at each other. “Maybe you two could hang out and talk for a little bit?” Her father suggested, giving Kiara the same tone Y/N’s father gave her seconds before. Forcing a smile onto her face, Kiara agreed.

“Sure, come on, I’ll introduce you to Sarah.” Kiara nodded her head towards the crowd, leading Y/N away from the stifling conversation of adults trying to kiss up to one another. The pair walked in awkward silence. Y/N could tell Kiara didn’t take too well to her parents using her or these parties to climb the social ladder either from the way her back flexed as she pushed her way through the crowd.

“Just so you know, I didn’t suggest that. They forced it upon me as well,” She let her know as the crowd started to thin, the two girls approaching the outskirts of the party. Kiara nodded, humming in understanding as she led them into another room with fewer people. “I didn’t even want to come to this, but my parents are determined that we need to be highly regarded in the eyes of these stuffy people - no offence, your parents seem nice-” She ranted, not even noticing that Kiara had stopped.

“None taken, my parents force me to these places for the same reasons and they are no better than any other parent at this party,” Kiara told her earnestly, making Y/N nod, thankful she understood what she was getting at. It seemed Kiara knew the tiredness and loneliness Y/N often found herself battling thanks to her parents' incessant need to appease people. “I think Sarah is outside, they just opened the doors to let everyone out so you should stick close to me, it’s like a feeding frenzy once the bar is open.” She advised, grabbing Y/N’s hand before she started pulling her towards the large glass doors of the room they stood in, following the stream of people searching out the expensive alcohol stashed behind the bar.

Y/N stumbled slightly, looking at the vast difference between what the outside patio was when they ate and what it was now. It was alive with string lights wound around the canopy and the lanterns littered through the grass. With the silver moon and the glow of the artificial light, it looked like a scene from a romance movie, but Y/N highly doubted the presence of some dashing stranger at a party primarily attended by middle and old-aged men. “Hey, Kie,” A girl's voice spoke from ahead, pulling Y/N’s attention from the setup. At the end of their small path, stood a blonde girl with her dress and her hair flowing in the summer breeze - making her look like a goddess, the lights creating a halo on her head. Her round cheeks became rounder as she smiled such a gorgeous smile Y/N was almost awestruck. “Who is your friend?”

“This is Y/N, the same Y/N this party is for, correct?” Kiara looked back at her for confirmation.

“Uh- Yeah, that’s me. Y/N L/N.” She confirmed with a startled nod, reaching her hand out for Sarah to shake. Gently and almost royally, Sarah shook her hand, the smile never leaving her face. Y/N had to take a moment to take her in. She looked so beautiful, it was almost like she was a princess - the main character of the romance movie they appeared to be in. While she was welcoming to the invitation of this beautiful girl into her night, Y/N couldn’t help but feel ridiculous that she let herself believe she would be the main character for the night.

“Sarah Cameron, Rose and your mom are friends,” She asked, earning another confirming nod from Y/N who found herself at a loss of words. She hadn’t expected to meet people who would actually want to talk to her, let alone people who she would actually want to talk to. She had assumed that everyone close to her age would be pompous, arrogant and self-righteous. “Rose hasn’t stopped planning this party or talking about your family moving here for at least six months. I welcome it since that means she’s distracted.” The blonde noted as the flowing music from the live band started to weave through the crowd. Y/N couldn’t help but look around. The backyard was practically flooded with people. Very few people were squeezing through the crowd with trays held high and most were the guests.

“So, this place, is it all rich people,” Y/N asked nervously. Leave it to her social status chasing parents to move her to a place filled with out-of-touch snobs. Sarah and Kiara started laughing, making Y/N brows furrow in confusion. “What? What’s so funny?” She pressed, looking between the two girls as they leaned against each other, their laughter fizzing out. Heat crawled up her cheeks as they wheezed for air. Had she misjudged the two? Were they really just like everyone else at the party? Or did they two feel the same dread and exhaustion she did at these parties?

“It’s nothing to do with you,” Sarah reassured her kindly, almost reading Y/N’s mind entirely as she righted herself, fixing her dress. “But I can see why you would think that since all you’ve gotten to see so far are parties trying to out-do each other. The island is much more than that.” She explained, her voice calmer now as she tried to wipe her eyes of the tears that were forced out by her laughter.

“It’s not all rich people who live here, but most of Figure Eight wishes it was just rich people - trust me on that-” Kiara was cut off by Sarah pointing off in the distance.

“My brother, over there,” She paused, making sure Y/N found the right person. Following the line of her finger, she spotted someone about nineteen standing around with a bunch of other guys, all nursing a scotch that didn’t appear to be sipped from yet. The group of them, they were exactly the type of guys she would suspect to be here. All sporting expensive coats and watches in such a flashy way it almost blinded her. “He’s one of those people so it might be best to steer clear from him the best you can.” She advised, letting Y/N take her attention away from the dirty blonde.

“Our friends are from The Cut, they are all working the party,” Kiara spoke again, rolling onto the balls of her feet, trying to see over the loud crowd. “Pope, he’s the smart one, is on the grill helping his dad.” She pointed over the heads. Peering around some people, Y/N spotted the boy almost completely hidden behind the open cover of the grill, only his backwards hat sticking out over the silver cover. He worked frantically from what she could see, his elbow poking out from behind the cover every few seconds making her assume he was wiping his forehead.

“John B is bussing tables, he’s my boyfriend.” Sarah smiled dreamily, pointing over to a boy swiping empty glasses from the tables already. Y/N could see him a lot better than Pope. He was tall, with sunkissed skin that she wasn’t sure was natural or from spending time at the beach, all matched with flowing brown waves on his head. Noting how Sarah gazed upon the brunette, Y/N could tell that their story was a great one that would be told time and time again and this was just another scene in their epic love story.

“I’m not too sure where JJ is right now, probably off somewhere hitting a blunt,” Kiara shrugged, searching the crowd for her other friend. “I’m sure you’ll meet him soon enough, you’re gorgeous and he’s JJ, he’s bound to flirt with you at some point,” She waved her hand, not concerned about her friend’s disappearance. “Hey, my parents are flagging me down for some stupid shit, I’ll find a way to keep in touch with you, Y/N, you seem cool!”

“Thanks, you too!” Y/N called after her, a bit shocked about being called cool, but Kiara was too far. Cringing when she saw a few people turn towards her, their noses in the air in disapproval. Sarah, having watched Kiara begrudgingly make her way to her parents, looked back at Y/N, a wide smile back on her face. Opening her mouth, she wasn’t even able to make a sound before an older blonde with a huge headpiece came rushing over to her.

“Sarah, you need to go find Wheezie, she’s MIA yet again and the Buchanan boy is looking for her. If we manage to get closer to them, they might hire me to sell their summer home in Peru.” The woman pleaded rudely, making Sarah send an apologetic smile towards Y/N as she was dragged away - leaving Y/N alone with her own thoughts once again. Sighing, she slowly turned to face the party once again. Spotting Kiara with her glowing complexion and white dress, she watched as the Carrera’s introduced her to some wealthy couple as if she were a show dog.

“So much for me actually enjoying the rest of this party.” She mumbled dejectedly as she grazed over the dance floor, almost completely occupied by people just standing there talking. With a warning glare sent from her mother, she stood up, plastering a fake smile back on her face, a facade of happiness and contentment being built back up. She had assumed by meeting Sarah and Kiara, it would open the door to actually having a decent night, but of course, for rich parents, it wasn’t a decent night unless they used their children to boost their egos and position within society. Suddenly, she found a boost of morale when her eyes spotted another busboy. On the other side of the sea of fancy dresses and suits, stood the most beautiful boy she had ever seen. Clad in the vest, crisp white shirt, and slacks that every other caterer wore, his blonde hair was perfectly styled in a way that told her it was normally a wind-tousled mess. Just by standing there, he had her completely speechless.

It was when he turned his face slightly towards her, his magnificently bright eyes landing on her, that she felt every ounce of vacancy, insincerity, and loneliness leave her body. Gone was the need to flick her eyes over the crowd, hoping that Kiara or Sarah would find their way back and rescue her. Now, all she wanted to do was stare at this boy and take in all of him. From how the yellow-tinted glow from the bulb lights reflected off his tanned skin to the way his eyes whispered to her from across the lawn. For the first time the whole night, she didn’t have to hide her true emotions and feelings. Instead, the awe and the smile she was feeling and showing were one-hundred percent real. Reaching across the dance floor, the words his eyes were trying to convey reached her like a message in a bottle. ‘Have we met before?’ The (what appeared to be from this distance) azure blue eyes asked her.

Heat rose in her cheeks once again, dusting them a noticeable pink that appeared to be a good enough answer for the wondrous boy. In a blink of an eye, she saw his silhouette weave through the crowd, his eyes locked on her frame no matter how many twists and turns he had to make around people. The bus pan originally clasped in his hands was left abandoned on the table, but it appeared that he didn’t care. When he finally stood before her, his chest rising and falling, slightly breathless from the trek to her, she found herself not worrying for him anymore. Shifting her eyes to accommodate the new view she had of him, her eyes locked with his yet again. The same eyes she once believed to be a light shade of azure were really a captivating cerulean. “Hello.” She breathed out, her breath being fully taken away by his presence.

“Hello, lovely lady,” He flirted, his eyes drifting from hers to flick around her face, taking in the features he hadn’t been able to see from across the lawn. “I haven’t seen you around, I would have remembered a face like yours.” He flirted so shamelessly and boldly. It didn’t even matter that Y/N had heard that exact same line thousands of times before - it was almost like a whole new line as it dripped from his lips but she couldn’t let him know that; not yet anyway.

“You would think that someone with a face like that would have a better line prepared.” She quipped, letting her eyes freely roam around his face. A smile tugged on one corner of his lips, growing into a smirk as he let her take him in.

“I was too overwhelmed by your beauty, all I knew was that I had to get to you before anyone else. I can't lose my chance to some rich mommy-boy with ten pairs of Sperrys in his closet.” He winked, playing into the scene they had set. Y/N, unusually bold and flirtatious in this moment, shrugged, her eyes floating to the crowd behind the boy for a split second, almost like a trick to see if he would try to get her eyes back on him - which he managed to do instantly by reaching his arm up to scratch his ear lobe, his muscles flexing under the tight sleeve of his button-down.

“That almost makes me sorry to tell you that you’re about an hour late, I was already flirted with by three men,” She sucked in a breath through her teeth, mocking sympathy. It was true, part of having rich parents is dealing with their distorted morals. They would rather sit back and watch their teenage daughter get hit on by old married men than have to network themselves. “But, if it makes you feel better, you’re the only one out of all of them that I actually want to talk to.”

"So I’m not out of the running yet I see,” He hummed, laying his palm out towards her, her eyes dipping down to look at it for a second. “Care to have a dance with me?” He asked when her eyes reached back up to look into his. He felt the weight of her hand sinking on top of his, making his eyes drop this time.

“I’m Y/N, just so you’re not dancing with a stranger.” She introduced herself before he could start to lead her to the dance floor.

“Ah, the guest of honour, the lady of the party, we finally meet,” He bowed to her, making her let out a laugh. She cringed when she heard it, knowing it wasn’t a dainty little giggle like expected in the situation, but she couldn’t help herself but to laugh, he was bowing to her as if she were royalty. The boy didn’t seem deterred by her less than cute laugh, instead, there seemed to be a flicker of sparkle in his eye at the sound. At that moment, Y/N could have sworn she had fallen in love. “I’m JJ.” He returned the introduction, standing up, her hand still wrapped in his. Kiara had been right, he did find his way to Y/N and she didn’t mind one bit.

“Pleased to meet you, JJ.” She nodded, giving a little curtsy before she could stop herself. Fighting the urge to cringe yet again while her cheeks flared, she was grateful that JJ simply started to lead her to the dance floor. Stepping onto the small deck platform which Y/N couldn’t even begin to guess it was used for when there wasn’t a party. It was even brighter, with the outer perimeter of lights on top of the ones that lined the dance floor alone, it was bright enough to land an aeroplane.

Once the next song, a slower song, started to play and JJ led her in the dance, Y/N seemed to blackout. She could feel the heat of JJ’s hand on her waist, the other one holding her hand as if they were truly at a ball, waltzing the night away. She could feel his back flex from where her fingertips lightly touched his shoulder blade, the muscles rippling with every move he made. She barely registered the way the skirt of her dress billowed as he twirled her, her hair fanning out and her eyes closing with laughter only to be pulled into his body, flush against each other - her breathing hitching as she felt his warmth and abs, his face inches from hers despite the height difference between them.

“Maybank,” A shout dissolved the fairytale land they had plunged themselves into, making Y/N gasp, pulling out of JJ’s grasp just as his face had dropped an inch closer to hers. “Back to work or you don’t get paid!” The man gruffed aggressively before looking back at his clipboard, talking into his earpiece.

“Don’t worry, my lady, this shall not be the last you see of me tonight.” JJ reassured her with a wink, running back off to the side as the man started to approach like an angry bull. Y/N, still a bit shocked, watched him, hoping and wishing with all her might that he was right - it isn’t going to be the last she sees of him. Slowly, the crowd morphed, blocking her view of the blonde who bewitched her mind and soul to only think and need him, as if he was Elizabeth Bennet and she was Mr. Darcy.

____

Lo and behold, JJ had been right, it wasn’t the last Y/N had seen of him. With every shift of the crowd, she managed to find him on the other side of the room, his eyes watching her just like when she first saw him. Every time, a swirl in her stomach and heat in her cheeks plagued her - a side effect of his gaze. Though, as happy as she was that he hadn’t managed to forget about her, she still wished for him to find his way to her yet again instead of his eyes whispering to her across the lawn. It wasn’t until now, as she was nodding along half-mindedly as Rafe Cameron talked that he did. “The restaurant in the Country Club is the best. My usual table looks right over hole nine of the golf course which is also where I got a hole-in-one.” He yammered on, bragging.

A gentle tap on her shoulder ceased the conversation, making her turn her head only to see the blonde she was waiting for all night. Extending his hand to her, she noted a piece of folded-up paper between his fingers. “Excuse me, I was instructed to give this to the Lovely Lady.” He clarified as Rafe seemed to breathe fire at JJ’s presence, his eyes burning dangerously into him.

“Thank you,” Y/N smiled brightly, her eyes seeming to sparkle as she plucked the paper from his hand. Turning to Rafe, her smile became less authentic. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to see what this is.” She dismissed herself, walking off to the side of the party once again, unfolding the paper. It looked like paper from a waiter's pad, ripped hurriedly. ‘Lovely Lady, I sensed you were in need of rescuing.’ The note read. Even without his name and with just meeting him, she could tell it was from the messenger himself. Lifting her eyes from the note, letting them drift over the crowd until they landed on the sharp blue eyes watching her as he walked through the crowd yet again.

“We meet again.” He breathed out once he stepped up to her, standing only inches from her.

“Looks like it,” She nodded, amazed that he kept coming to her. She wasn’t used to that kind of treatment from people who looked like JJ. “Thank you for the note and thank you for the lovely night-” She wanted to tell him about how he managed to chase away any darkness clouding over her this whole party, or at least tell him how bewitched she was with him since the first moment she laid eyes on him - but her mother and father swooped upon her, sensing any shred of happiness she felt and crushing it.

“Come now, Y/N, you don’t need to thank the staff and it’s time to leave.” Her mother grabbed her elbow, pulling her from JJ before either of them could say anything else. Stumbling slightly, Y/N hiked the long, flowing skirt of her dress up, wide eyes watching JJ in shock and disparity - wanting more time with him because she knew too well that it wasn’t guaranteed that they would see each other again.

“We will meet again, Lovely Lady.” He mouthed to her before the crowd once again separated them, too thick to see through. Being dragged by her mother into the darkness of the night, the shining lights of the party disappeared as they rounded the house, but the magic never left her. Especially when she saw the blonde hair step to the side of the party, watching her leave. Too preoccupied with the blush filling her cheeks as she thought over the night, she barely registered her mother dropping her arm, the three walking silently towards their house next to the Cameron’s.

It was as if the entire world around her was sparkling as she floated after her parents, her mind consumed by snapshots of the night. From the shared glances to the way their fingers grazed each other when she took the note from him. It was purely whimsical and so magical that she was convinced it was all a dream she would be woken from any second. “You should go to bed, we have brunch with the Cameron’s tomorrow.” Her mother advised, but her words went in one ear and out the other as Y/N stumbled up the stairs, her dress balled in her hands carelessly. Biting back a smile, she tried her best to hold in her squeals and excitement until she was safely in her room, high above the ground and extravagant beyond necessity.

With a click of her door and a twist of the lock, she nearly bounced to her bed, squealing all the way. Her body felt like it was consumed by light, shining through the dark of her room, rivalling the moonlight and glow from the party next door as they glowed through the windows. She felt like she had spent the entire night fusing and bonding and now, she was burning a bright light just like the stars in the sky, only continuing to shine brighter and brighter as she thought back to the night.

Sighing dreamily, she flopped down upon her large bed, nearly being swallowed by the fluffy comforter and heavenly soft mattress. She was completely and entirely enchanted by meeting JJ. Her head was spinning as she imagined what it would be like to date him. Imagining him showing up to her doorstep, proclaiming his love for her as he told her that he was also enchanted and bewitched by her. Letting out yet another loud squeal, Y/N rolled onto her stomach, kicking her legs out of pure excitement and romance as she buried her face in her pillow, the wide smile on her face hurting her cheeks.

But, just like with every star, it is destined for demise. The burning, the growing, the bonding, and the brightness of her happiness weakened before finally bursting like a supernova. Shooting up in the bed, she rushed to one of her many windows, looking out over the party, watching as it died down. From above, she could barely make out who certain people were, but she could spot the blonde who took up most of her night easily. Standing off to the side with two more workers (she could guess were Pope and John B), along with Sarah and Kiara, all standing and talking as people bid thanks to the hosts. “What if he has someone else? What if he already met his own Elizabeth Bennet?” She whispered.

She gazed upon them, watching as they conversed. Sarah and Kiara seemed to be ordering JJ to do something from what Y/N could see. She furrowed her brows, leaning closer to the window, trying to figure out what was going on. Sarah’s arm flew out to the side, her finger pointed right at Y/N’s house, the group turning to it. Even with her room darkened other than the light through the window, she didn’t want them to know she was spying, making her fall to the ground quickly with a thud on the hardwood floor. Gasping, she laid flat, her heart pounding and racing. Flopping onto her back, she blinked up at the ceiling, looking at the distorted shape of the window filled in by light from the moon. “Please don’t have someone else. Please don’t let this night go.” She whispered, clasping her hands to her chest as she pleaded with the universe.

[partnersatfazbear]

Analysis of The Real Jake (SPOILERS)

I can't decide whether to make this post a stream-of-consciousness style or group it into evidence for x... but since it's easier, I'll just write my thoughts as I go. Although a lot of this is factual ties to, say, FNAF 4, things like relating Margie to Henry are just my own headcanon and you can do with that what you will AKA don't take this all too seriously, but have fun with it. There’s also specific notes about Michael Afton, for those that just want to know what was said regarding him (presumably).

Before I start, please note I've had three hours of sleep in the last... 28 hours? IDK I can't math, especially not on this little sleep. So, there may be errors. I tried to make a note on things I was unsure about, too. 

Note: I wrote this before the Evan=CC theory was all but confirmed. Although I believe this theory from the logbook, I think a lot of these notes are still valid.

Read my notes under the cut:

Margie shares similar physical appearance to Henry: Pg 84 “The window fan blew a lock of her shoulder-length brown hair across her upper lip so it looked like she had a mustache.”

“Mrs. Afton” stand in is mentioned: Pg 86 “...it had been four years since his Mom had died...” (Jake is 9 in the story)

I notice when Scott mentions plaid. Pg 87 “...a green-and-blue plaid plush chair...” I mostly wanted to note this since canonically, Henry had a green plaid shirt.

“William” stand in is mentioned. Pg 89 “And you know he thinks about you [Jake] all the time?” “So, he has to concentrate on what he's doing... ...I don't want him thinking about me and end up shooting himself in the foot or something.” Pg 102 “Yeah, I did. [I spilled some chocolate ice cream] Right on my shirt!” Pg 122 “I did that today! [While playing a DDR like game, breaking a shoelace.]” (Admittedly, I only counted these because I headcanon William is much more of a bumbling fool than he appears. It comes up very often as you can see... although you could write it off as Evan just trying to relate to his kid.)

“William” stand in is mentioned. Pg 92 “...Margie was pretty sure Evan couldn't afford to replace a washer and dryer” and “...Evan, at his rank, could barely afford her” Pg 110 “Gillian's house shared stlying with Evan's, but hers was probably four times bigger.” (Again, I headcanon William and his family is on the low end of middle class, if not lower, in terms of income. Particularly, the house is cramped.)

“Mrs. Afton” stand in is mentioned. Pg 93 “First, Jake's Mom was killed.” Pg 139 “The mom's dead.” (You could infer that she died via something akin to a car crash in the context of the story, however if you reflect it to the games given the commonalities, I like to think of this as confirmation that William murdered her, given the word 'killed' is used.)

Margie records herself on her cell phone. Pg 93 (and on other pages) (Again referencing my headcanon for Henry, in which he records ideas/diaries often. At minimum, Henry is referred to as “Cassette Man” in PizzaSim so... I just thought it could make for an interesting comparison.)

Jake mentions his “friends”. Pg 99 “Patty and Davey... Vic... and the twins... Ellie and Evie... Kyle, Clay, and Garrett” (Also, he isn't mentioned until later, but there's his best friend Brandon, too. I noted these in reference to CC talking about his 'friends', either IRL or the plushies. I assume his IRL friends are the MCI victims. The number doesn't add up though. I really, really wanted to make a connection about the twins, considering Charlie and Sammy are twins, but there wasn't enough evidence to write it off as anything other than a coincidence. Also... Clay, really? We need another double name in this series? Ugh.)

What's your favorite flavor? Chocolate Pg. 102 “What flavor did you get?” “Chocolate. Duh.” (This is a stretch, but it did remind me of Help Wanted's final level in the main game, where you're asked to choose your favorite cake flavor. Although, they're discussing ice cream here.)

Maybe some insight into William's personality? Pg. 103 “You ever do that, Evan?” “What?” “Let off steam.” “Me? No. Steam is pretty much what keeps me going.” (Just more evidence that William is obsessed with his work. You could imply “steam” implies he runs like a machine, but that's stretching a bit.)

Pg. 113 -118 (Jake climbs out of his window to run off to play at the arcade with his friend. Obvious parallel to the child in Midnight Motorist, although it's daytime and no animatronics/fursuits luring him.) There is this, on Pg 121 also. Jake says, “We played all the racing games. I love racing games.”

PURPLE Pg 121 “...did you get a slushie at the arcade? I got one. I got grape. It turned my tongue purple.” “My tongue's purple, too!” “Purple power!” (Uh, do I really need to explain this? I should note that Evan is the one mentioning “grape”. I guess William likes grape flavor and purple.)

'Michael' is mentioned. Sort of a stand in for Michael Afton, but it should be noted that Michael and Evan are brothers in this universe. Pg 126, 127 “Michael...lived in Europe for a few years...” “Michael's a serious dude. He's, well, a little different. He's intense about making money...the way he is about it... can make him seem like he's not human.” “So, he's like a cyborg with bad programming?” Michael has some dialogue: “You must excersize caution. You could get chocolate on my suit, and that would be bad. Very, very bad.” (The very very bad thing is a running joke in the family, which is why this comes up. I don't have a lot to say about it, though. I think Michael [Afton] being obsessed with money seems a bit counter intuitive to how we know him, but who knows? I also want to note that Evan doesn't seem antagonistic towards Michael; in fact, he “hate[s] to ask him for favors”.)

Also, Pg 141 “His [Michael's] flat, gruff voice was unmistakable.” Michael is also the first one to hear his father is dead and informs Margie about it. “I have been notified that Evan's dead.” Pg 142 “She had only met Michael the one time, and she knew the way he processed the world was very different from what was “normal”” Michael also states to Margie: “I've got Evan's will... you're Jake's guardian and he left you the house and some savings. I'm the executor.” Margie also says: “He[Michael]'s a numbers genius, manages money for the wealthy people and has made a killing doing it.” “He's not a bad guy. He just doesn't know how to connect. He doesn't feel the way we do.” (Just more Michael characterization.)

Direct FNAF 4 easter egg references: Pg 128 “...the IV stand lurking in the corner of the room” Pg 129 “...and the line of perscription medication bottles marching across the top of the chest of drawers”

Margie is more than a nanny and possibly in love with Evan: Pg. 139 “She'd come to love Evan, too... like a brother.” Pg 140 “...she was included in the outings, movie nights, game nights, and storytelling time...” Pg 149 “...she wanted Evan to be more than just a boss, and being in his room when he was gone made her feel like a lovelorn stalker.” “Love him like a brother... She snorted. Boy, had she been lying to herself.” Pg 158 “What she was feeling called for a screaming fit or a total mental breakdown.” (Yeah, this is just me reading too much into this for Willry content, haha... But still. I am determined that Margie is a Henry stand-in.)

'I will put you back together' Pg 140 “I'm trying to bring you home whole.” (Evan is discussing “no man left behind” with his son, Jake. I think this is obvious.)

William's home office? Pg. 149 “When he was home, she'd go in and vacuum or put away laundry... ...when he was gone...coming in here felt like an invasion of privacy.” “Evan's room would be her room.” “...I'd feel like I was sleeping in your bed, she thought.” “...the room felt discretely masculine.” “The walls were covered in family photos.” “The shelves were stuffed with fiction... mysteries to classics, nonfiction... how-to books...from rebuilding a car engine to planting a garden.”

FNAF 4 reference. Pg 152 “Outside, a dog barked.” (You can hear a dog barking as ambient noise during nights when playing FNAF 4.)

Other notes:

It happens a lot, but one of the main things in the book is the doll Simon and how Jake talks to it. This is very blatantly a reference to the Golden Freddy Plush (“Psychic Friend Fredbear”). The story confirms it's Jake's father, Evan, talking through it. Although it makes the one scene in FNAF 4 a little wonky (the only scene where we see Purple Guy), I think it's pretty much confirmed that it's William talking to CC now. Obviously, we already suspected this due to Sister Location's “Secret Room”. In this story, Evan says he did it because he wanted to give Jake some hope he would live. Combined with both the IV/medicine bottle easter eggs (in the story and FNAF 4) I think it's plausible to assume that CC was taken home after the Bite of '83 for a period of time before he passed away. I will admit, also, that Evan definetly comes off as a very caring father (in comparison to how we presume William is based on what we've seen of him as a person; although I argued this before on this blog, I don't think William hates his kids. I think he's neglectful, moreso as the story goes on. I think he resents Michael for many reasons but I won't go into that here. I just don't think he's the abusive monster the fanbase interprets him to be—at least not early on.)

The cabinet reminds me a lot of the closets in the novel series. A built in shelf with a doll in it. A doll that represents a child. Considering Margie tends to this doll (see Pg. 130-135), I have to draw more parallels between her and Henry.

The fan is mentioned A LOT. I don't really know why, but I guess we can't help but think of every single FNAF office when it's brought up. Specifically, on Pg. 106, Margie mentions the fan in her room is as loud as a jet engine and the sound made her nervous. Once again, I'm reminded of PizzaSim. Seriously, screw you fan.

The heat is mentioned a lot, too. I know the story takes place in summer, but this did remind me of Pizza Sim.

Pg. 93 “Margie sat down in the faded blue webbed lawn chair that was set up, for reasons she never understood, in front of the shelves by the stairs.” (I noted this because it's specifically called out and I don't know why.)

Margie talks about why she's working for Evan: Pg. 95 “I didn't get the internship I applied for.” I like to think her and Mia (from 1280) were after the same internship. (I may be misremembering, but I'm pretty sure Mia mentioned an internship at the hospital.)

Jake is mentioned to have brown hair, green eyes. His favorite color is green. He also wears green often. I couldn't find anything really interesting about it. It would make more sense as a Puppet reference, tbh (because of the green bracelet (and eyes? I may be remembering wrong) I guess it's also worth noting that Elizabeth has green eyes.

Pg 135 “Are you afraid people will think you're murdering me?” “...I could end you so quickly you'd never make a sound.” (Just an odd conversation between Jake and Margie. Margie is joking here, obviously.) Also, Pg. 136 “I just figured your [Jake's] wires got crossed or your circuits were frying.” (Admittedly, I don't know what to make of this. Could be a reference to Robot-CC, if you believe that or MikeBot [I don't], but more likely just ironic dialogue. It could also reference Jake's future in the Stichwraith?)

Pg 139 “Sometimes, Margie wished she was like one of the robots Jake liked so much.” (Although I can't really compare this to Henry, I did write William with this mindset and thought it was worth mentioning.)

Pg 141+ So, Evan dies overseas (he's a soldier). (I think this could be hinting that William has been springlocked around the time CC passes away. Jake has been home for some time after his diagnosis so we can infer based on that and the easter eggs that CC was brought home to die in peace. At the very least, William's probably very absent during this time. Possibly brought in for questioning but not arrested. I don't know. I feel like there's something to this.)

Pg 154 “Dave's at work.” (Why? Can we not use established names? Aghhh)

Pg 155 “The ambulance arrived at 11:32.” (I don't know why this is stated so outright. I couldn't find a reason, except that a few paragraphs earlier they say it will arrive by noon. I don't know why it's so specific, but I felt like noting it anyway.)

Pg 159 “Five people. Five sets of eyes. And none of them noticed...” (Yeah. We all know how important 5 is in FNAF.)

Three medical personel are mentioned. One at the end is named Nancy [No Last Name Given], but I like to think its a reference to Man in 1280 and we're dealing with Heracles Hospital once more, although it's never said in this story. Speaking of, the only thing that really stood out to me in 1280's story was that a billionare funded the restoration of the hospital. I like to headcanon that was Henry's doing—I imagine him obscessing over overcompensating for his mistakes by giving back in every way possible, even if it isn't directly related to him.

So, this post only took two hours of my life. I hope someone gets some use out of it, be it for my intended Willry purposes or maybe those Michael fans that are curious about it. If you enjoyed this post, let me know. I'd love to write up more of these if I have the time.

I have other write-ups on this blog, too. Just search fnaf theories on my blog page!

[adamarinayu]

Can you tell us more about your author au, back in action au, and Notre duck au? Sorry if I'm asking for a lot but I just saw them on your AU list and they caught my interest 😅

Haha sure! I haven’t worked on any of them in a while but here we go! It’s a bit long, especially the Back in Action section....

In the Author AU, Donald is an author who works under a pseudonym, so that he and the triplets can have some normalcy in life while also being able to support them comfortably. He’s the author of a best selling series, which is the Paperinik series (maybe in this AU it’ll be called Duck Avenger, idk). 

He began writing the PK stories during highschool, and they were published as shorts regularly in a small magazine. Of course, being a teenager, it began as a fantasy- it was how he vented his frustrations. Gladstone, of course, figured it out, as did Della, but Scrooge had no interest so no one else outside of Donald’s closest circle (that is to say, Mickey, Minnie, Daisy and Goofy) knew. It soon grew to be a hero story, rather than a story about vengeance. At this point there are no nephews in the story.

After highschool, his story got picked up by a publishing company and Uno was his agent. He ended up including the character ONE based off of Uno, which Uno is equal parts amused and exasperated by (”Honestly, I thought you said you wanted to be anonymous.”). The two don’t officially become friends, however, until a couple of years later, when Della went missing. Donald had taken a surprisingly dark turn in the story which would have resulted in killing off the main characters, at which point Uno decided to intervene and talk to him. With Uno’s support and growing friendship Donald rewrote the story, keeping the darker tone but ending it on a higher note with all the characters alive and happy.

Donald also gave PK a family of his own, having him be a single father to three children (hinted heavily at them being adopted, after PK saved them as eggs), a decision which forever changed the direction of the books from being about a duck who fights because it’s all he’s good for, to being about a duck who fights because he has something worth fighting for. He and Uno obviously become very close over this time.

Gladstone reads every book that comes out. He always wins a free edition but insists on buying it, as his way of helping Donald out. He uses the tone of each book and the events that happen in them to determine whether or not he needs to come and kick a little sense into Donald.

Donald ultimately concludes the book series after Della comes back, with the story having a happy ending all around. Which definitely includes ONE getting a physical body and joining the family. Unsurprisingly he and Uno get married. Scrooge and the kids find out he’s the author of PK after Scrooge announces his studio bought the movie rights to the film lol. Della and Gladstone are just like “wow seriously, you guys didn’t see the writing clear on the wall?”

--

The Back in Action AU is basically, PK was a TV show and Donald was the titular character, PK. His co-star was Uno, who lent his voice and face to the character ONE (the names of all the characters in PK are changed, ofc, their real names are the actors’ names now, except for Uno and Xadhoom). The entire cast (yes, including Angus Fangus) were a pretty tight-knit family, of a sort. So while Della and Scrooge were adventuring (as he had left the adventure life behind, feeling as if he wasn’t contributing or seen as an equal among the group) he became part of a family of his own. Daisy also played PK’s love interest, though the two of them are actually more like Best Pals. They went to highschool together so. Daisy wasn’t in the main cast and was just a recurring character, as she had a main role in another series.

The triplets in PK were just babies, but PK wasn’t their primary caretaker. They were more like background characters, but occasionally PK would get roped into babysitting them and having to balance watching the children and saving the world because “oh god even if I stop the Evronian invasion if any of their feathers get singed my sister will kill me!” (Note, PK’s sister was only seen in photos and was a blonde, like in the original comics. You can hear her voice now and then though)

Donald was close with everyone (oh the bloopers he and Angus had.... and of course the Evronians, something ALWAYS went wrong with their costumes!) but Uno became his best friend (and his almost-more). The series was the most popular thing on TV for a while, and Gladstone and Fethry were so proud of their brother cousin and so sad that Scrooge and Della were missing the best moments of his life. Gladstone and Fethry are much more involved in Donald’s life than Della and Scrooge are in this AU. That isn’t to say they don’t all love each other very much, it’s just Della and Scrooge’s interests laid elsewhere.

Anyway, every series hits its end, and more often than not it comes much faster than planned. PK ended a whole season sooner than expected, due to the sudden buyout of their studio and the new owners choosing to shut PK down in favour of one of their own shows (couldn’t afford both at the same time, and their own show had a smaller budget). So the series ended on the cliffhanger of PK losing ONE and (Lyla’s character), the Evronians being defeated and PK choosing to hang up his cape because of just how much that final battle cost him. It was an ending that angered many people, extremely upsetting especially knowing that it hadn’t been the planned ending of the series.

The entire cast and crew split up, most still staying in acting but a few leaving. Donald went back to adventuring with Scrooge and Della while Uno went back to Italy with his brothers (Due and Tre, the former of which played a major part in 2-3 episodes) to work in their father’s lab. They ended up falling out of contact (not by their own choice, just due to the nature of their jobs). Then a few years later Della went missing and Donald was left caring for her three children- it was a bit ironic, perhaps.

In the 10-12 years Donald was taking care of them, a “sequel” movie and a spinoff came to be with different actors and stories, but neither were well received because they lacked the “spirit” and charm of the original series. Especially the spinoff, which was animated in a very Saturday-morning style.

The triplets don’t really know about the OG PK, only knowing it by the spinoff, or that their uncle used to be a big name actor. However, 10 or so years later it’s announced that PK is coming back.... with the original writers and actors (except for the kids). Including Donald Fauntleroy Duck, the actor who played the titular PK. They are shook.

The original children who played PK’s nephews were unavailable (”We were like 2 during all that, we really don’t care”) and, besides that, had already aged out of the roles (the comeback was a Ten Years Later kind of deal, and it had been more like 14 or 15 since the end of the show, so the original kids were already mid-late teens. Therefore, when the director discovered Donald was now caring for his three nephews (convenient that there were three) he suggested they play the role of the triplets. Donald left it up to the triplets, under the stipulation that they would have minor roles (as the triplets always did) and this wouldn’t interfere with school.

They actually made a whole new role for Webby in the show! Because the triplets agreed on the condition that Webby gets to join them. And that’s how Webby began to play the triplets’ younger sister. The director decided to take a page out of Donald’s real life and wrote PK’s sister out (this was also partially because the actress had died) so PK was now being a full-time father to his kids who had no idea who he really was.

But then Donald finds out that not only is Lyla there, not only is Angus there... so is Uno. Uno and both of his brothers. It’s quite a reunion. And of course everyone expects Donald’s most emotional reunion to be with Daisy, but no. It’s Uno. And Uno is the one he ends up on the front of a magazine with lol.

Also yeah they get married :3

Man I think I may have overspoke about this one XD But I really enjoy this one what can I say jkkghfdsjlk

--

Notre Duck!! That’s another one I enjoy though it isn’t as in-depth as the last. So basically Everett came to Earth, and it’s kinda like.... a Duck version of medieval times. He came here for inspiration, then ended up building Uno, who became like a son to him. However, when other flesh-and-blood ducks realized he was an android, they became fearful and called him a monster, and tried to attack and run him out of town.

After that, Everett hid him away in a tower attached to a church, where no one but the church staff would go. He didn’t want to lose his android son. But Uno watches the world below his tower change, dreaming of a day when he could go out there too.

One day he meets Donald, who is a street performer with an association to Scrooge McDuck, a king in a neighboring kingdom. Donald finds out very quickly that he is an android and doesn’t judge him for it, instead encouraging him to leave the tower because “life is about the adventure.” This, of course, does not sit well with Everett, who forbids Uno from leaving the tower or seeing Donald.

Donald is wanted by the lord of the city, who wants to use him against Scrooge (and earn favour with his own king). There’s no creepy old men lusting after young women and no slurs being used casually so.

Also anyway this actually spawned from me imagining Uno to the song Out There so yeah.

[kickingstonesandbones]

ADA: Songs the BSD characters remind me of (even though no one asked)

I’ve recently watched all 3 seasons of the Anime, the movie and the OVA and have started reading the Manga from the beginning. Right now I am only at chapter 40 because I started reading like 2 days ago, so idk stuff that would happen after the Anime storyline (if it goes that much further than season 3 ending, I wouldn’t know). I based this off on either specific lyrics that made me think it would fit the character or a certain vibe I was getting from a character. For some characters it was easier, for some not so much lol It is why some characters have multiple songs that make me think of them while others only have one (if they even do have one, that is – but the ADA does, except for Katai). So please do not rip into me because you think a song might not fit them as well as I do, because I just have not gotten to the latest chapter of the Manga yet, so there are some characters I do not know that well yet but I wanted to do this for fun. Other than that, I hope you enjoy this list~ Also, feel free to add to my list if you have songs that I haven’t mentioned but think would fit the characters, if you want to~

My taste in music is also pretty broad and not limited to certain languages or genres (though I do have my preferences), so I will provide translations of the lyrics in different languages from English. The German ones (like Kontra K, Elif, etc.) were translated by myself (on the spot), for other languages like Romanian or Korean, etc. I had to look up translations on the internet.

Disclaimer: For the songs for Dazai, one might want to consider a TW, for one of his songs has extremely open-no-room-for-speculation suicidal lyrics. If this affects you, please skip that one, I will put that song last on his list.

And, well, because this is 12 pages long in the document, I will be making a cut here…

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𝔸𝔻𝔸 𝕚𝕟 𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕝

💙 Wölfe (Wolves) by Kontra K 💙

It’s about so much more than just strength, it’s about solidarity and virtue / It runs so much deeper than your wounds could ever get / We’re walking through the fire together until the day we die […] /

And we are so infinitely far away from being perfect / But what doesn’t kill us will make us stronger / And hope dies last / It dies last /

A lot of the members have been through quite some shit, but they hold it together all the time and always pull through and manage to keep moving forward sooo (some random arsehole I talked to spoilered me about Yosano and Mori  -_-)

💙 Born For This by The Score 💙

A force that they can’t stop / They just don’t get it, I think they forget / I’m not done until I’m on top / I know I was born for this / I know I was born for this […] /

We are the warriors, who learned to love the pain / We come from different places but have the same name / ‘Cause we were born for this / We are the broken ones, who chose to spark a flame / Watch as our fire rages, our hearts are never tame /

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ℕ𝕒𝕜𝕒𝕛𝕚𝕞𝕒 𝔸𝕥𝕤𝕦𝕤𝕙𝕚

💙 Believe by Hollywood Undead 💙

I can’t believe / That when I breathe / That there’s something good inside of me / Just one good thing inside of me / So close to me / That memory / Of that one good thing inside of me / Just one good thing inside of me /

If I went out the back door, nobody would stop me / But, where would I go? / ‘Cause I ain’t never had a real home / So, what do I know? / So, I could keep runnin’, hide until they find me / But, what would that do? /

That he really hates himself that much and how insecure he is in his right to be alive not just simply because he is a living being really hurts to see.

💙 Face it by NF 💙

Don’t know how to face it / Let’s go back to basics / Yes, say what you mean, do what you say, but man I hate this / I just don’t know what I’m chasing, don’t know what I’m chasing / Yes, somebody told me / Life is something you don’t wanna play with / But I just keep on playing like life is just a playground […] / I look at myself and I ask what the goal is / Yeah, tell me what your goal is / I’m just so lost in emotions, I don’t even notice / I just slip into a place and I don’t think straight / Devil in my ear tryna tell me everything’s great / And in a year realize I’m in the same place / Running in the same race, same pace […] /

Get that sickness out my mouth / I feel like my train is derailing / I can feel it / Yo these words are only words until they actions / Words until they actions, strive on empty satisfactions / Yeah, the fact is I don’t know, fact is I don’t know /

💙 월식  (My Tragedy) by Taeyeon 💙

At the end of an empty day / Everyone busily returns from somewhere / In the red night sky / I disappear into the darkness little by litte / These many sparkling lights / There isn’t a single light that’s mine / Under the cold shade by myself / Like it wasn’t there from the start /

💙 Oceans by Jacob Lee 💙

I learnt to let go when I was younger / Scared of growing old / I would swim far into the ocean / And try to stay afloat / Until my lungs would cough up water […] /

I don't want love no more / Though it's the one thing I've been searching for / Though it's the one thing that I miss the most / Now I'm afraid to be alone / I learnt to grow old when I was younger / Scared of staying young / Afraid of the thoughts that I had conjured / That sat atop my tongue / Knowing I'd change the worlds opinion / If they would just, listen up / But they won't, now /

I feel worthless / Maybe I should open the drawer / Burn the pages / Write poems with the ash on the floor / Pour the ink, into the sink / And watch it drain from the shore /

.

𝔻𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕚 𝕆𝕤𝕒𝕞𝕦

I know Dazai has a looooot of songs, but tbh I could’ve added at least another 15 because. There. Were. Just.  S O .  M A N Y .  T H A T  F I T  H I M  S O  W E L L ‼‼ (Well, at least the ones I could think of off of the top of my head right away.)

💙 Believe by Hollywood Undead 💙

Don’t you know, little boy, they’ll lay you to waste, man / Little do they know, every song is a lifespan / Yeah, they’ve taken one, but I’m takin’ my last chance / To hold all we know and let go with both hands / Though, don’t you know that plots are made from concrete / Right through the stone, can you hear my heart beat? / Beats through my bone, like no memory left me / Not for a second or a minute when I dream […] / My heart beats heavy in an open chest / And, I wanna say goodbye, but there’s nobody left /

I broke it all, and I put to the test / Put your hands in mine, and feel this emptiness / There’s no beat in my chest / ‘Cause there’s nothin’ left / No, it ain’t goodbye, its a last caress  / What’s another dream? / You could hardly sleep /

Makes me think of Oda aka the bond they had aka the admiration Dazai had for him.

💙 Face it by NF 💙

I ain’t sleeping lately / I ain’t sleeping lately / Yes, I know that I’m the only person that can change me / Maybe, that’s why I ain’t changing / That’s why I ain’t changing / I got too much on my mind, I guess I don’t know how to face it /

He obviously has a lot of issues, and I bet he still doesn’t think of himself as a good person. It strikes me as if he’s thinking that Agency Dazai is not much different from Mafia Dazai. “Your hands are black. Mafia black,” as Higuchi said. I think he did not deny it when she said that, so he doesn’t disagree with her.

💙 Rain by Hollywood Undead 💙

I don’t mind, no I don’t mind, I don’t mind the rain / Simple things and subtleties, they always stay the same / I don’t mind, that I don’t mind, no I don’t mind the rain / Like a widow’s heart, we fall apart, but never fade away (fade away) /

Run like a child, do you know where I came from? / No, I don’t, but I’m singing all the same songs / I’m alone, and you’re looking for your anyone / Does it hurt just to know that it’s all gone? / I can feel the pain in the words that you say / Hidden in the letters that were written to no name […] / Buried in red, white, and a side of some blue / Some will die too late, and somebody too soon / If he could come back, we’ll see what it cost him / We had to lose it all, just to know that we lost one /

💙 Lass mich lieber allein (better just leave me alone) by Kontra K 💙

Man, don’t explain the world to me, it isn’t perfect / And just as imperfect are also you, her and me / All of that isn’t a problem to me / But tell me, since when does hatred laugh so audaciously into my face? / But it’s somehow alright for me […] / Man, I wish for a minuscule part of naivety back / But it seems it’s somehow too late for me / Somehow already too late for me […] /

Already been wandering for so long, you forget / Who is worthy of sacrificing yourself for and for whom you better not do it / You run along the street of success without any luck (on your side) / But she walks out of hell into heaven only once and then right back / If you end up where you started then where is the meaning? /

Because I also have my baggage to carry all on my own / Just like all of the fuckers that think I’m living in heaven all by myself / But the fire and the flames in which I’ve been standing in for so long already / Man, they refuse to see them / But it’s somehow alright for me /

You better just leave me alone / Because when they carry you on their hands, they will (eventually) let you drop / I’d rather fall alone/by myself / Rather alone/by myself /

💙 Lies by Will Jay 💙

I'd rather tell myself if I ignore / These thoughts they'll go away / And my toxic friends have changed / Truth is I hate confrontation / Deal with it tomorrow / 'Cause there's nothing I can do / That's my favourite excuse / Feeding my procrastination […] /

And I think I just realised I would do anything / To keep hiding the pain I've been burying / That's why I tell / Lie-lie-lie-lie-lie-lie-lies /

💙 Du willst es (You want it) by Kontra K 💙

Only the good ones die young, and not long after the best ones follow / No idea, ask death why he thinks that I am so damn bad / Still here, we’re almost not worthy of heaven / Working day for day, only the hatred kills the pain / Life will shoot you in the chest but only ever hit your heart / Thank God that place in my chest has been emptied a long time ago […] /

We asked God, “why” / But the devil said, “doesn’t matter” / We’re swimming in a pool full of misery / But bring us another glass of it /

💙 Wie gemacht dafür (like we were made for it) by Kontra K 💙

Pretty normal, normal / Because you can’t get me, get me further down (the hole/ditch) / Than I’ve already been, you get it? […] / I’m going one-on-one with my inner demons, and I’ve been doing that for the past 13 years / I’ve been there, no matter what happened / Ask your gangsters, they know my voice / Have respect, respect for the realness / But fucking piss me off, and I’ll be sending you to heaven […] /

What pressure are you talking about, I inhale this city deep into my lungs / Put it on the beat and I’ll be giving you a new reason for your hatred /

Like we were made for it, we’re running through hell barefooted / We’re living rent-free in their heads, with the real ones, with the real ones / Like we were made for it, always loyal to my people / Swapping none of my friends for money, for the real ones, for the real ones […] /

If you’re my enemy, I’ll give you lead (bullets) / If you’re my friend, I’ll give you love / Because a wolf stays fucking loyal only to his family /

💙 Lonely by Nathan Wagner 💙

Is everybody lonely? / Is everybody scared? / Is everybody worried / That no one really cares? / See I'm afraid to love, but afraid to be alone / Still I wonder why my heart is always broke / What a way to live, let the fear take all control / Oh, this ain't life, no / I'm not alive […] /

'Cause I'm afraid to show the people who I am / I'm not special, I'm just a simple broken man / So I will hide my face with my picture perfect mask / Oh, this ain't life, no / It's just a lie […] /

If I looked you in the eye / And showed the broken things inside / Would you run away? / Would you run away? / If you saw my darkest parts / The wicked things inside my heart / Would you run away? / Or are you the same? /

The following one makes me think of Mafia Dazai

💙 Body Count by Grey ft. Thutmose 💙

I got a hunger, I got a fever / And it just won't quit / I got a temper, I got a bullet / With your name on it / Everybody wonders what it's like on top / I don't gotta wonder 'cause I call the shots […] /

My blood runs cold and my feet run faster / I still got heart, I hear a heart don't matter / Say what you want and it'll be your last words / It ain't a secret, I got a hit list / And baby, you're up next /

Stack 'em up, stack 'em up / Teach 'em not to fuck with me / Bag 'em up, bag 'em up / Let 'em know who runs these streets / Take 'em down, take 'em down / Count 'em out like one, two, three / Add a-na-na-na-na-na-na-nother one  / To the body count /

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T r i g g e r   W a r n i n g  !

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💙 Bullet by Hollywood Undead 💙

Gone too far and yeah I'm gone again / It's gone on too long, tell you how it ends / I'm sitting on the edge with my two best friends / One’s a bottle of pills, one’s a bottle of Gin / I'm twenty stories up, yeah I'm up at the top / I'll polish off this bottle, now it's pushing me off / Asphalt to me has never looked so soft / I bet my momma found my letter, now she’s calling the cops / I gotta take this opportunity before I miss it / 'Cause now I hear the sirens and they're off in the distance / Believe me when I tell you that I've been persistent / 'Cause I'm more scarred, more scarred than my wrist is / I've been trying too long, with too dull of a knife / But tonight I made sure that I sharpened it twice / I never bought a suit before in my life / But when you go to meet god, you know you wanna look nice /

We hit the sky, there goes the light / No more sun, why's it always night / When you can't sleep, well, you can't dream / When you can't dream, well, what’s life mean? / We feel a little pity, but don't empathize / The old are getting older, watch a young man die […] /

When you were young, you never thought you'd die / Found that you could but too scared to try / You looked in the mirror and you said goodbye / Climb to the roof to see if you could fly /

So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow / Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow

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𝕐𝕠𝕤𝕒𝕟𝕠 𝔸𝕜𝕚𝕜𝕠

💙 Brunette Ambition by Qveen Herby 💙

'Cause it's been three weeks and four days / No days off, just runways / I’m fucked up, I'll throw shade / Outwork you on a bad day […] /

On a mission, got no competition / It's hard to sleep with brunette ambition / Revenge is sweet, pussy: my religion / They say slow down, but I never listen /

Old me forsaken, these rules are for breaking / I get lonely with no new friends / Associate, but they can't relate / When you want the world, they’re uncomfortable /

This one is 50% lyrics, 50% overall energy of the song. Yosano is a bad bitch, and I love her.

💙 STFD by TeZATalks 💙    [Flash Warning for epilepsy]

I'm not here to take no names or reservations / I'm the devil telling Satan I'm just wild / Sit the fuck down / Imma kill it let me live just how I'm livin' / Ghetto heart with good intentions / I'm just wild / Sit the fuck down /

I'm chasing freedom for the fearless / I gotta do it 'cause I can't chase fear myself / I'm 'bout as broken as I confess / But better than most that lay cower / Proud of who they crowd / You don't know me / Coming to take your crown / Bow down / You know that I can do better, better / I don't need you to come in and show me how / Settle down / Cause you know that I can do better, better /

This song is mostly just the vibe for me. Quite…. unapologetic. Like the badass bitch vibe Yosano gives off, despite (or probably especially because of) her past.

💙 Nur mir (only to myself) by Elif 💙

Can’t believe what’s happening to me / Your words have manipulated me / I shouldn’t lose the connection to myself / Because otherwise your words will always stay with me / At first, you were there for me / But then you wanted me as your property […] / This city is big enough for the two of us / I have to share it with 4 million others anyway / I get onto the same train, stand on the same platform / Oh, everything’s profit (to you), everything’s yours /

But I only belong to myself, only to myself / Belong to myself, only to myself / Not to her, not to him, not to you /

💙 Disease by Hollywood Undead 💙

Our words are broken but they’re spoken aloud / So come together, come together again / The time is now, let Armageddon begin / They say beginnings always start with the ends / I say forever and forever, Amen /

Forget what you are / Forget what you feel / We stand apart but fall together / Nothing ever lasts forever /

We’re born to live, we’re born to die / We’re forced to swallow these pills and to never ask why / What I’ve become, why can’t you see / That everybody, everybody, everybody’s got this disease? /

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𝔼𝕕𝕠𝕘𝕒𝕨𝕒 ℝ𝕒𝕟𝕡𝕠

💙 The Wolf by SIAMÉS 💙

Each and every day / Hiding from the sunshine / Wandering in the shade / Not too old, not too young / Every night again / Dancing with the moonlight / Somewhere far away / I can hear your call […] / Ain’t no fairytale / What I see in your eyes / Awaiting your mistake / Not too close, not too far /

Honestly, finding a song for Ranpo somehow was harder than it should’ve been lmao Originally, this song is about addiction, but if you read them in the sense of it being about a criminal, whom Ranpo is about to catch, it makes more sense. I am sorry I can’t provide a better song for him right now djhfksjlhdfujhhgkfc

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𝕂𝕦𝕟𝕚𝕜𝕚𝕕𝕒 𝔻𝕠𝕡𝕡𝕠

💙 Fuck You by Silent Child 💙

Am I wasting my breath on you / Feels like my words are never getting through, yeah / I never said I hate you to someone so much before / I'm light headed when we talk and then you shut the door, god damn / Like what are we still talking for, yeah /

I really hope you don’t see tomorrow  / I tried to play nice with you / 'Cause all you ever do is try to fuck up my day / And you were successful / (But I know the truth) / No you don't have anything better to do / Everything you ever loved has tried to escape you / So why would I want anything to do with you /

Fuck you /

Don’t lie, he would blast this at full volume when Dazai fucks up his schedule again HAHAHA (I love their dynamic)

💙 Waiting by Zhavia Ward 💙

The truth is you don't even / Know what the hell you believe / But you should believe / Lions don't lose sleep / Over the opinions of sheep /

So if you're waitin' / To watch me fall / Watch me fall / Watch me fall / I'ma keep you waitin' / To watch me fall / Watch me fall / Watch me fall / I'ma keep you waitin' /

Empire State kinda view / And I'm up here with the crew / I got the feelin' that you wishin' / You could be up here too / Maybe I should feel bad for you / Be a little sentimental / But I don't, no I won't / Make excuses for you to hide behind /

This one makes me think of the time Fyodor tried to break him mentally by making that little girl sacrifice herself (Season 3), but he got back up pretty quickly again after having his ideals get shaken like that.

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𝔽𝕦𝕜𝕦𝕫𝕒𝕨𝕒 𝕐𝕦𝕜𝕚𝕔𝕙𝕚

💙 S.C.A.V.A. by Hollywood Undead 💙

Here's the massacre, a mausoleum fit for me / Lived a hundred years, a hundred years I didn't see / Gave all my hope away, isn't any left for me? / Bombs are splitting atoms, what can the future bring? / We can fill a million choirs and wait till children sing / We can walk a million miles and end up in the sea / And our lungs just keep filling and lying when we breathe / The world's filled with liars, liars like me / And I look at my child, it's finite, this feeling / Eyes blue like the sky, I see all of this meaning / I reach up to God and I ask if I'm dreaming […] /

Everybody says greetings and goodbyes / Everybody pays, no one knows the price / We know the price of sin, the sin of sacrifice / I know I'll sin again, but who can save me twice? / How much can we ask? You'll get the answer first / How much can we kneel with the air that chills the earth? / The air keeps getting colder, my knees keep hitting dirt / The innocent can cry without the guilty getting hurt / You ask who you love and you don't know, no, do you? / The spirit of God just passes right through you / You gave away heaven, handed right to you / And I can see it all, tell me, is it true? /

Fukuzawa is that anime character that’s visibly been through a lot of shit (and has done a lot of shit as well, even morally grey or black), which could be why he’s so stern and not a man of many words. Marked by life, if you will. He also gives off a very “wise man” kinda vibe right from the beginning, so I think that this song somewhat fits him because it is wondering about the state of the world and human nature.

💙 Courtesy Call by Thousand Foot Krutch 💙

This is your last warning / A courtesy call / I am not afraid / Of the storm that comes my way / When it hits it shakes me to the core / And makes me stronger than before / It’s not a question about trust / But will you stand with us? […] /

There’s a rumble in the floor / So get prepared for war / When it hits it’ll knock you to the ground / When it shakes up everything around / But survivial is a must / So will you stand with us? /  

This song just has that badass vibe. And no one can deny that Fukuzawa has a badass and intimidating vibe as well as he seems so stern and stoic most of the time.

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𝕋𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕫𝕒𝕜𝕚 𝕁𝕦𝕟𝕚𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕣𝕠𝕦

💙 Nesimtit by Mark Stam 💙

I don't have lots of cash / But enough for me to buy you an ice cream / For us to go on a walk / And for you to whisper to me in the waves of the ocean / I've taken some days from the border / And I put some behind the door, on ice / For cloudy weather / So that we can have them when the movie of life passes […] /

Let me be your lifeline / When your world is in the process of demolition / Let your dreams fly / I promise, we'll catch them somewhere around the sun /

Oddly enough, the Tanizaki siblings were just as hard for me as Ranpo… There aren’t really that many songs that would make me think of them. But this Romanian one made me (partly) think of him, I also think it’s cute and would probably fit him lol Especially the last four lines make me think of him and Naomi. After all, he’d even burn down the whole world if it was for her sake. All in all, this just sounds like him in the sense of a really supporting person/friend/brother.

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𝕋𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕫𝕒𝕜𝕚 ℕ𝕒𝕠𝕞𝕚

💙 You Should See Me In A Crown by Billie Eilish 💙

You say, "Come over, baby / I think you're pretty" / I'm okay, I'm not your baby / If you think I'm pretty /

You should see me in a crown / I'm gonna run this nothing town / Watch me make 'em bow / One by one by one / One by one by / You should see me in a crown / Your silence is my favorite sound / Watch me make 'em bow / One by one by one / One by one by one /

Naomi isn’t giving me the same “badass bitch” vibe as Yosano does, but she does have that “badass princess” vibe. Is that making any kind of sense? Like, she does not have an ability, but she is neither dumb nor completely helpless in all situations. So, there is a slight badass vibe, but not the “I can and I. W i l l . Kick your stupid. Bitch. Ass.” – so a…. “badass princess”? Because she also has that elegant aura about her. I hope I am making sense…?

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ℍ𝕒𝕣𝕦𝕟𝕠 𝕂𝕚𝕣𝕒𝕜𝕠

💙 2! 3! by BTS 💙

We know that you are happy right now / That you're slaying right now / You have all what you deserve / And we are so damn proud / But you're people, like us / You have spars, you get hurt / You get tired of the pressure / You get tired of the rush / God, thank you so much! / For giving us the chance / To tell you that we're here for you / And this will never change /

Lay on us / When dark times come and surround you / Our light will help you to get through / Our love is gonna heal you / Lay on us / The ones who would go to space to / Steal some stars just to give you 'cause it would make you feel good / We're gonna stay with you forever, until the end / We swear that we're not going anywhere / Yeah we're not going anywhere / We know the road can be so tough / But with holding hands / Together we take a nice deep breath /

Haruno strikes me as the kind of person, who’d be a really supportive friend, so I thought this might fit her. I have not seen much of her and her character neither in the anime nor in the manga yet, so I don’t really know whether this is any good or if it does her any justice.

On the other hand, I feel this song would also fit the Tanizaki siblings well.

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𝕄𝕚𝕪𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕨𝕒 𝕂𝕖𝕟𝕛𝕚

💙 Puste sie weg (blow them away) by Kontra K 💙

Love in the air – blow it away / 9mm on the chest – then blow it away / 3g on the mirror – better blow it away / And the wind will do the rest / Hate in the air – blow it away / Pressure on the chest again – then blow it away / Seven sins in my head – better blow it away / And the wind will do the rest […] /

Because everyone’s talking, talking, talking too much / But unfortunately never do it, do it, do it / And I don’t hate, hate, hate the player / But I’d rather kill a whole team by myself /

I’d rather have three, four warriors than one thousand “brothers” / I’d rather pick up cents from the ground than break bread with liars / I’d rather be broke like I used to be than be a part time dealer / I’d rather have a heart of gold than sharing with no one at all (no one) /

Hatred in the air – blow it away / Pressure on the chest again – then blow it away / Seven sins in my head – better blow it away / And the wind will do the rest /

Take the lyrics quite literally, “blow them away”. The feeling of this song fits him, I think, because of his sheer strength. He just blows away hatred, malice, etc. and is unaffected by any of it as his heart and his head stay innocent and pure, even if naive.

I have to say though, it can be a pun, especially the part of “9mm (gun) on the chest” would be most obvious for it (especially considering that the “on the chest” part does not specify in German whether it’s your own chest or you are holding a gun to someone’s else’s chest lol). In general “puste xy weg” means to blow it away with the air out of your mouth, but colloquially it can also mean gunning down something or someone. And if you apply that meaning to every single line with “blow it away”, the meaning turns around from not letting it bother you to killing it, which I find interesting with this character. (Because he definitely has great potential to actually kill someone with his ability alone.) Though what I thought when I heard this song was that it might fit him with the meaning of him letting nothing bother him.

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𝕀𝕫𝕦𝕞𝕚 𝕂𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕜𝕒

💙 Alaska by Elif 💙

Sometimes I’m thinking, I’m going insane like everyone else / They said I’d be going nuts and yeah, I’m starting to believe them / -7°C, I’m walking through the city park by myself / The down jacket is keeping me warm, but in my heart, there’s Alaska /

I don’t know what love is / No matter how much of it I get, I need more of it / It’s tearing me apart on the inside / When I, once again, don’t know where I’ll be getting it from / Even my therapist says, he doesn’t know any further / My dark side, it’s stronger than the good one / My youth was poisened, the future is uncertain / It is how it is yeah, it is how it is /

💙 Godsent by Smash Into Pieces 💙

I used to share, I used to care / The good in me is gone I'm bad / I used to give, I used to feel / The things you did will never heal / Take a look at me now / See what I've become / I will no longer feed the machine / Can't control the monster in me, no / The way that I feel / Makes it harder to breathe / When I'm thinking about you / The monster is real /

This makes me think of her in the Port Mafia.

💙 Boomerang by Smash Into Pieces 💙

I've been gone for a while now / But only to gain my power / I've been fighting my demons / And I'm back up on my feet (and now) / The harder you fall down / The stronger you come back later / Now I feel like an army / And I've only just begun /

This one in turn makes me think of her in the Agency.

💙 Circles (제자리) by G.Soul 💙

Oh, we know the ending / No matter how you escape / Here again / Always come back to me / Back again / Eventually / Here again / Why is it so hard to leave? / Here again / We always stay here […] / Answer me, I don’t know, no / Just don’t know / You’re getting stuck / Forever / Oh, we know the ending / No matter how you escape / Here again /

This makes me think of what Kouyou (I hope I am remembering her name correctly) was saying about her as a flower of darkness, as she was kind of turning in circles (no pun intended)–between wanting to be in the light and “accepting” that she only belongs into the darkness–at the beginning before she finally joined the Agency.

💙 Excuses (변명) by G.Soul 💙

I told you not to be too good to me / That it would make it too hard on you / No matter what you say now / I don’t hear a word of it […] / Even though I may be making a mistake / Even though I may regret this as time goes on / Baby, I think that we should just end it here now /

Even though the song in total has a different vibe (and story lmao), these parts of the lyrics makes me think of Kyouka telling Atsushi that there is no saving her, and that the light is no place for her (directly after saving her from the Port Mafia). It kinda makes me think of the part, specifically, where Atsushi suggests going on a “date” and at the end of it, Kyouka wants the last place they go to to be the police station.

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𝔻𝕒𝕫𝕒𝕚 & 𝔸𝕥𝕤𝕦𝕤𝕙𝕚

💙 Sing To Me by Missio 💙

Somehow I got nominated as a king of sadness / Got so much I know that I could even feed the birds / And that's why / I prayed, I prayed, God sent me right to voicemail / It's like, all day my vanity is for sale / Take it away, my head is in my own hell /

Sing to me, I am not doing well / Getting tired of my own words / Sing to me 'cause I can't hear myself / Through the loudness of my own hurts / Call me selfish when I say this, say this / I'm kinda helpless, and I need you / Sing to me 'cause I'm not doing well /

Somebody told me that there's two sides to this life / I think I might've chosen darkness over light /

These two are two sides of the same coin, but no side is brighter than the other. I feel like they are kind of mirroring each other in the way they feel about themselves, which is why these lyrics mirror both of them towards each other as both are in need of salvation as they’re drowning in their own minds. Dazai is just better at hiding it from Atsushi.

💙 Namae wo yobu yo (Call A Name) by Luck Life (Season 1 Ending) 💙

I was searching / For the reason I’m able to remain as myself / If there’s a version of me / That exists within your heart / That even amid the darkness on this long, hilly road / I feel I can become a new me / Able to make my way through / So that each of us, walking our individual moments, can keep on smiling / So that we can keep moving forward, exploring the meaning of life together / I’ll call out a name / Your name / So that you can remain who you are /

Technically, lyrically it’s the entirety of the song, but I will not write down all of it lmao And it’s the Atsushi and Dazai parallels here again. It’s not just the ending with the animation that shows it for me, but the lyrics reflect both of them in them as well. I absolutely loved this ending. I never ship characters as I do not care about that, but I really love these two (separately)~ (What they mean for each other aka what they might mean for each other in the future [peace of mind/finding worth for Atsushi, and a reason to live for Dazai, etc.], how they’re already helping each other [Dazai helping Atsushi with feeling worthless, and Dazai finding a bit of piece of mind], etc. etc. etc.) I haven’t loved 2 characters in an anime as much as this in quite a long time (The last time was Kougami and Akane in Psycho Pass) as I find making up characters as complex as them and make them fit together as well as them/make them complement each other/balance each other out is actually pretty hard to do really well.

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Making up this list took waaaaay longer than it should’ve. (I did not include Katai because I couldn’t think of a single song for him, sorry.)

[krosaceae]

1, 3, 5, 15 :)

Fanfic Writer Questions! Feel free to send me an ask :)

Thanks a ton for the ask! I'll be answering all these in regards to Barriers, quite possibly the world's most self-indulgent Graire fic (Read on AO3 or FFN)

1. If you had to create a soundtrack for your story, what songs would you choose? Why?

Damn, this is so hard considering how much music I listen to while writing/planning Barriers. I do name my chapters after songs that inspired me while writing said chapter, so I figure my soundtrack would end up being those songs. 

There are over 20 songs on that bad boy, and I already feel like this post is going to be long, so you can view/listen to the playlist HERE! I’ll continue updating it as I post new chapters :-)

As for why I picked these songs… or really why I pick any of the songs on any of my playlists. It’s all about the feels, how the music and the lyrics come together to take me to a place I need to go to be creative. You know the feel you get when you listen to a song, and it just reminds you of an emotion, a place, a memory, etc.? I’m not sure if that makes sense lol, but the mood that a song creates in my little Brain World helps me find words to put on the page. Music a lot of the time helps interface Brain Scenes into Written Word, and these songs above did just that… and happened to have names that I enjoyed as chapter titles lmao. 

Either way, I do have some Barriers playlists that I will shamelessly plug here.

Gray’s playlist

Claire’s playlist

The ~Graire~ playlist

Rest is under the cut because ya girl went in hehe

3. If you had to direct a scene from your fic, what would you choose? Why? What would it look like? What techniques would you use to convey certain emotions? What would the set look like?

Oooh. Hands down Chapter 8, the Fireworks Festival, particularly when Gray finds out that Claire’s pregnant. AH. Such an emotional scene and I would love to take advantage of the fireworks in the background. I’ll be honest that I don’t watch very many movies, and I’m not a director in the slightest, so I have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about.

So obviously our set is Claire’s farm at night. I imagine everything dark and quiet outside, the only light being Claire’s house. Almost shooting that bitch like a scary movie at first because like, Gray is terrified and I’d want viewers to feel that same way.

When Gray finally finds Claire and she’s on the verge of losing her shit, you zoom in on the tears, the soaked blanket, just Claire’s general state of disarray (which at this point, is out of character for the way she's presented herself) the way she grips Gray’s shirt, etc. And once she finally starts talking I picture the camera just focused on the two of them, because Gray is on the edge of his seat waiting to find out what the fuck is going on and doesn’t see ANYTHING else. Plus the booming fireworks going off in the back just as the situation is getting more intense. Claire would say that she’s pregnant and then the screen would go black lmao.

5. What makes your main ship so compatible? Or, what makes them so incompatible? What do they see in each other?

Oooh. This is complicated, because right now where I’m currently at in the fic it could go either way. As much as I would LOVE to spoil everything, I’m going to speak only for where I’m at in the story.

Gray and Claire are quite compatible at their best, v incompatible at their worst. When the two of them both get out of their head and are real with the other, they work well together. Both are sarcastic, sassy, witty, and have similar senses of humor. They both appreciate the value of hard work and dedication to their craft, and overall, want to be successful in life by their own means. In addition to liking the way the other makes them feel and just like… generally finding the other attractive, I think Claire and Gray admire the other’s drive and passion to some degree. They feel like having someone like that around them (whether it be a friend or… y’know, something else >.>) helps them stay on track. Additionally, some of the things they experienced before moving to town, in addition to experiencing the whole pregnancy thing together, helps them connect and understand each other in ways that maybe others around them can’t. Neither of them likes to be judged, so at times this is conducive to them feeling safe enough to confide things in the other that they may not do with anyone else.

However, Claire and Gray are both also really fucking good at building walls (Hence the name of the fic lol.) and spend a lot of time either hiding, running, or pushing people away. At their worst, their relationship is a grease fire. Both have a tendency to mask how they’re actually feeling for various reasons, despite both of them ALSO valuing honesty from others. It's the hypocrisy for me. Claire’s gut reaction is usually to tell people what she thinks they want to hear, lying for the sake of self-preservation because GOD FORBID she be rejected or be perceived negatively. Gray’s gut reaction is to do or say nothing. He fears vulnerability and doesn’t want to be seen as weak, so if he’s not consciously thinking about it, he’s going to say and do whatever will keep the illusion that he’s got it together. Which is just usually acting unbothered and pushing everything down until he’s beyond bothered. The main issue is that they both also say and do things they don’t mean when upset, and it doesn’t help that for some reason Claire seems to really get under Gray’s skin, and vice versa. Their arguing styles are pretty combative, so without any framework for de-escalating the situation, shit can get pretty nasty between them. Especially when jealousy and other complicated feelings get involved. *Wink wink*

15. Pick a previous relationship (or multiple) of your character’s. Explain how that/those impact the way they navigate their way through relationships now.

Hehe. I’d love to talk about Claire’s previous relationship(s), but I’m going to focus on Gray because he’s the main character and like, major spoilers.

Gray and Mary though. Ah. What a beautifully confusing clusterfuck. There was a lot of push/pull in Mary and Gray’s relationship, and it's intentionally confusing in the fic. Idk if any of you have ever had a friend that you’re really close with, one that you’re crazy about, and you know they like you too, but for whatever reason, they don’t actually want to be exclusive or make it official? Whatever the kids are calling it nowadays. But like yeah. Both loved having the other around and hated the idea of losing them to someone else, even if they couldn’t have them. So on top of their actual friendship was a ‘relationship’ based on impulsive, desperate acts of affection, wobbly boundaries, and evading any actual conversations about it all.

For that reason, Gray is determined to be more open about how he’s feeling rather than sucking it up for the sake of not being lonely. He’s trying to be more honest and expressive instead of holding it all in moving forward, as scary as it is for him. Gray’s relatively been a man of inaction in his relationships (even before Mary), and when he did act, it was usually backed by anger, alcohol, or both. Basically the dude is just trying to take control of his relationships rather than being a passenger.

WHEW. That was a blast! I definitely wrote too much but I super appreciate the ask! <3

[rubisaurus98]

.......will u stab me if i say lugina

No, I am not going to stab you, but I did write a lot of raw opinions and not all of them are pleasant. Just a forewarning.

Why I like them: I dunno, I guess his sword’s got a nifty ability and he’s memeable with him being the most asshole character, yet being the victim of unfortunate funny inconveniences like the boulders and shit. I also like how we develop him, if that counts.

Why I don’t: I swear, I could write at minimum a 2-page paper as to why Lugina Beil’s raw canon character genuinely frustrates the hell out of me. A lot of it being more directed at how he’s written and the implications of the world he’s written into and how it reacts to him rather than about him, the fictional character, if that makes sense. A lot of missed potential if I were to compare him to other characters of other series who started out similar to him, but developed more noticeably for the better over the course of their own plots. Like, the development of a story-prominent heroic-aligned selfish asshole character into someone who isn’t afraid to show he cares about his comrades and will lay down his life for them, yet still retains a certain “edge” to him is such a tried-and-true method to me when it comes to development satisfaction in my experience, that to see it not happen to a certain effect/extent is whiplash. The best comparisons that I can think of at them moment are like, Gajeel Redfox and Laxus Dreyar from Fairy Tail and Jean Kirstein from AoT. I’m serious, like, read up on them, then compare them to Lugina. Gajeel’s even a father-to-be in Fairy Tail rn, and he’s both ecstatic and very protective of his partner. I know I keep comparing Lugina to other characters of other series with their own developments, but still, like, I could also name a bunch of conjectures as to why Lugina doesn’t seem to go down a similar path. In short, now that it seems his tale is finished without so much as a follow-up, I dislike how the writers wrote Lugina more than Lugina the character himself.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): Lugina and BF1 Summoner vs Gazarva at the end of BF1.

Favorite season/movie: I liked him best during Arcs 2 and 3. More Arc 3.

Favorite line: “ [Liomerg] wasn't just talking about physical strength, he meant mental strength as well... Basically the only thing holding [Karl] back is himself. For all that he tries to handle things himself without depending on others, he doesn't have the resolve to see it through on his own. You call that kindness? That's just weakness!”--Estria, area after Shusui is killed by Mora. An “asshole’s got a point” moment.

Favorite outfit: BF2 Armor and that picnic art where he’s hogging all the spaghetti and Seria’s kicking him in the head for it. You know the one.

OTP: Really, it’s only with OCs, or in My Verse, where I flesh things out considerably between him and Yurika. If Alim bothered to fill in more about his actual relationship with Yurika, I could’ve actually put them here. I also ship him with Unlearning Toxic Masculinity, Some Fucking Therapy, and Having Better Character Development Based Of Other Examples I Know From Heroic-Aligned Characters Who Started Out Similar To Him, but we can’t have nice things in this fandom. Maybe him and Bertz if Bertz weren’t closeted or whatever his deal with Lugina is.

Brotp: Deadass, I don’t know. Maybe Karl post-BF1?

Head Canon: I still think he whittles wood as a hobby and one of his best projects is a full-scale replica of Sky Harbinger. And that he wholeheartedly and openly enjoys sea shanties. Oh, and that he definitely still invited BF1 Summoner and Tilith to his wedding. Hell, he explicitly said they had to come because no fucking way those two are gonna miss out on this. Plus, Tilith wouldn’t let him hear the end of it if he didn’t.

Unpopular opinion: I’ve said some piece of this in the one I did for Sasha, but wait! There’s more! And this is more of a general statement, but I really do think that there’s a lot left out/missing/glossed over in terms of BF2′s writing that would make things a lot more well-rounded. Plus, I think I’ve also already said some things that belong here under “Why I Don’t”. Also, only reason why Alim had Lugina be the only main cast member to start a family other than to show that he’s “developed for the better over 20 years” is because they made Karl and Paris still horny for BF1 Summoner and Seria...Seria, idk about. Probably applying the “No Guy Wants an Amazon” trope with her.

A wish: That Alim didn’t bull-rush Brave Frontier 2 and actually took efficient time to develop the story more so it’d have a longer shelf life? Then we’d at least be able to hopefully see more of the cast as a whole, and hopefully actually develop instead of what was probably squishing everything down and throwing in everything no matter how developed it was? Because BF2 seems more like an Afterword that’s trying to be a proper sequel. I’d wish for more between the games development, too and that Alim isn’t done working with Lugina and the rest of them.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: Some implication/confirmation/allusion that Lugina cradle-robbed Yurika; any indication that there’s something off about their relationship beyond what’s traditionally considered healthy/normal married couple behavior plus what we’ve been given.

5 words to best describe them: Wish he was written better.

My nickname for them: Rat Man/Bastard. Potato Bastard.

[themilky-way]

paris {s.r}

gif credit: sincerelycalum on tumblr

pairing: spencer reid x female! reader

summary: while working on a case in paris, you and spencer realize that there may be more to your friendship than you think. how long until the city of love casts a spell on you? based on this song.

warnings: none i think it’s just fluff  (like everything I write lol)

author’s note:  this long af bc this was supposed to be a series and this would’ve been the second part but the first one i posted didn’t do well lmao. so instead, just enjoy this one shot and maybe i’ll post the first one again if u guys want but idk. also we a lil bold in this fic bc we love confident queens

grabbing your go bag and cell phone from the charging port, you quickly made your way to the jet that was already waiting for departure. the team was ready to make their way to paris, france on a case for a serial killer that migrated from california. it had been difficult for everyone, considering the unsub wasn’t leaving much evidence. 

despite it being for work, you and the team were excited to explore one of the most beautiful cities in the world. if you thought about it, it was kind of like killing two birds with one stone: the opportunity to finally catch a gruesome killer and a vacation. morgan was practically shaking with anticipation as he kept getting up from his seat and bothering garcia every five minutes and then going back. 

“just think about it, baby, all the smokin’ hot people we’re gonna meet. I mean, it’s called the “city of love” for a reason!” derek rambled to penelope as she typed away rapidly on her computer. 

“this isn’t a vacation, sugar, but yes I’m aware of all the potential babes we might encounter. and for that, I prepared another bag,” she giggled as derek started to laugh along with her. he raised his hand to high five her and she lifted hers too, lightly patting it. 

“oh you’re bad bad aren’t you,” he laughed, and they both continued to talk too rapidly for the others to understand. meanwhile, you had grabbed your seat next to emily and right across from you was spencer. you and emily were talking about god knows what, the range going from guessing the types of desserts paris had to perhaps renting a motorcycle for your stay. the banter between the both of you was endless, and you even started watching a french movie to get some pointers on the language. 

between the jokes and wondering remarks, you didn’t really notice that spencer was observing you the whole time. sure, he could play it off as if he were judging both of his coworkers for their lack of knowledge on french culture and linguistics, but he wasn’t really doing that, was he? no, in fact, he was watching you in such depth, the way he’d look at the pages of a book, and taking in every aspect that you had to present. he was, in the most simplest way it can be described as, mesmerized.

the day spencer realized that he looked at you this way shocked him. to be completely honest, it scared the hell out of him. he never pictured you as anything more than a friend, and he always thought you were too relaxed for a job like this. he told himself that he’d leave the matter alone, that their would be no thinking or second-guessing of any kind. but the second he’d lay his eyes on you, it’s like the rules he made up never quite existed. however, the more he looked back on it, there was one question that urged this matter forward: am I gonna find out why?

he shook out of his deep concentration to look up at the voice that was now speaking to him. his eyes focused again and he stared at you confused.

“reid, you okay? you’re spacing out on me, buddy,” you said, head turned slightly from the position you were seated in. you had shifted in your seat to face emily, your left leg bent on the cushion and your right giving you stability on the ground. 

“sorry, I was busy thinking.”

“well, try not to use that big ol’ brain of yours too much yet, we’re gonna need it when we land,” you said, giving him a small wink. he gave you a small smile while a tiny smear of rose-colored blush crept its way onto his cheeks. it was a friendly gesture; everyone on the team did it so you thought, “why the hell not?”

reid opted to read a little bit while on the plane so that he could get in some new interrogating tactics for when they met the unsub. you and emily continued to watch french movies and spot all of the hot actors and actresses you thought would be fake, penny and morgan, well they were on a whole different level of fun. the only ones quiet and doing some work was hotch, jj, and rossi. 

the plane slowly began to descend, butterflies erupting in your stomach from the fall, before the captain announced, “we are now ready to descend and are getting ready for arrival.”

when the captain finished, hotch began, “alright, listen up, team. the location of this case was by chance and we shouldn’t get distracted by anything or anyone. do your job quickly and efficiently as you’ve always had.” he spoke sternly, his shoulders were straight and his face emotionless and heavy with sleep. to any other person, hotch would be a zombie who helped solve murder cases, but to the bau team, he was their leader and they admired him. 

“oh, come on, hotch! if we work extra hard these few days and have enough time by the end of the wee-” you began before getting cut off. 

“yes, we can stay a while and explore the city. the unsub and the evidence altogether looks promising, so hopefully we can wrap it up quick. but don’t stray from your path in the meantime.”

everybody nodded and “yes, sir’d” before standing up and grabbing their luggage from the compartments at the top of their seats. everyone walked out in pairs and headed for the taxi cars that were waiting for them. you took emily, morgan took reid, jj and penelope partnered up, and of of course rossi and hotchner stuck together. at different paces, the team agreed at a nearby hotel closest to the paris police department that had called them. getting your bags in the car, along with the rest of the girls’, you made your way to the hotel to check in and drop your luggage off.

at first glance, it looked like a simple building; a cream color adorning the walls and some very intricate, sophisticated street lamps aligned on the perimeter of the parking entrance. before entering, there was a sort of roundabout you had to pass in order to reach to valet parking, and in the center of the roundabout, was a water fountain. it was simple, yes, but to parisians only. to outsiders, like the bau, it was already quite elegant. the ladies, including you, pitched in a little to pay for the ride and once you got out, there was a young man who offered to take your bags inside. 

“avez-vous besoin d'aide, madame?” the boy said. all of you looked at each other a little confused because even though you thought it might’ve helped, watching french movies for nine hours with emily wasn’t doing it. 

“he’s asking if you need help with these. here,” penny clarified before putting her tiny hello kitty handbag in yours, “let me handle it.”

she walked up to the somewhat tall boy, looked him over once, and said in the thickest french accent there was, “oui je fais mon doux muffin merci beaucoup.” she did a tiny hair flip to her blonde curls and came back to where the rest of you were standing.

“penny, uh, what exactly did you tell that boy?” emily said, stifling down a small giggle.

“nothing, i just said “yes” that I needed help and “thank you very much.”

“no, no, the other part. there must’ve been another part to it. tell us!” jj said, grabbing penelope by the shoulders and shaking them lightly. 

“what other part?”

“the one where you made a boy dressed in victorian era clothing blush like a maniac over some luggage,” you laughed. to this, garcia started to laugh too and then even harder. you and the rest of the girls had puzzled grins on their faces, but the inkling of seeing your friend laugh so hard was reaching your guys’ throats too. 

when she finally caught a breath to speak, she said, “I called him my sweet muffin!” at this, you and the girls broke into heaves of laughter, and couldn’t stop. you and jj had to bend down and place a hand on your stomachs’ to stop them from hurting a little. after a while, there was no words just the intake of small breaths and exhaling them out for control. when the fun comedy was over, you guys followed the boy and his friend inside the hotel lobby. `you took turns registering, and when you were all done, you saw that the rest of the team had beat you to it. they were sitting down in a cushion area near the front desk and were waiting for you guys. 

“okay, now that the rooms are ready, you all can pick a partner to dorm with. it doesn’t really matter, but just choose wisely. I know some people get too crazy when they’re together,” hotch announced, flashing a look at you and garcia before handing out keys. you and emily teamed up per usual, and the rest pairing up in the same order they had been in before. once everyone was ready, you started to make your way up to your rooms while making small chatter with the rest of the gang. emily inserted the key into the lock of the door, and as soon she opened the door, your eyes’ were met with the most delicate and luxurious room you both have ever encountered. 

on either side of the room were two king sized beds with victorian style bed sheets; the design on them were floral, the pastel shades of the roses tracing the outline of the bed beautifully. the ends of the sheets were long, but shabby, which added a nice, elegant, and almost romantic feel to it. 

in the middle of the two beds was a small isle that allowed one person to walk on it at a time. at the end of it, was the entrance to the balcony, which gave view to the famed Eiffel Tower. the small cities, parks, and lakes, that made up the ground portion of the tower were now completely lit up, giving way to an entire new feeling for you. you set your bags on the bed, pushing the cushion down with your hand to feel the softness of it, and made way to the balcony.

“i’ll be right out here, em, if you need me,” you said, waiting for the small “yup” that came from her before proceeding. as soon as your leg crossed the small threshold to the other side, the fresh, cool breeze of the night flooded your senses. you smiled and took in the emotion it gave you, fully crossing over to stand against the railing now. you took in the sights first. the trees that shaped the parks swiveled against the current of the wind, couples of all ages walking hand in hand, admiring how the moon and the stars matched so well to their love. the lights of the tower gleaming brightly and almost seemingly looking at you, as if they asked you, “don’t you realize, (y/n)? don’t you pay attention?” 

paris, and everything it was offering you at that moment, put you through a trance. one where you began to actually speak to the lights, the very same ones that millions of others had fallen in love under. “realize what? I do pay attention, i always have, but what is it I need to notice?”

you kept staring and looking around, if the lights actually were talking to you and this wasn’t a dream, and that you weren’t crazy. you looked around the balcony and walked on it to spy a tiny clue your instincts informed you about. soon enough, you noticed that the balcony was shared by the room next door. you placed your right hand on the rail to kneel down a bit and see if you could figure out who the room belonged to.  

“maybe it’s penny, oh god please be penny. i’m not in the mood to see rossi in scooby-doo underpants...” you whispered fairly. just when you saw a dainty silhouette about to exit the restroom, you turned around to your end of the balcony. 

“(y/n)? are you spying on- (y/n), we’ve been here one hour! our hot, paris boyfriends can wait until we catch the unsub,” emily, whose head was the only part of her body on the outside of the balcony, whispered. “come on, get changed into some comfy clothes. we can take a look at the victimology together.”

standing up, you made one quick glance at the room and the figure was already gone and so was the light. thanks for that, eiffel tower lights, you thought. you crossed to you room again and took a shower before arranging your clothes according to the days of your stay. you put your pajamas on and climbed onto one side of emily’s bed to wait for her to come out of the restroom, since you guys took turns brushing your teeth. 

after about a half and hour of rearranging victimology statements and connecting photos from the crime scene, the both of you were ready to go to sleep. emily turned off her lights and you took one last glance at the view before doing the same. 

and then you heard footsteps on your balcony. 

----------

“you guys think I can woo a french girl tonight?”

“honey, with those shoes? not a chance,” garcia pointed out. morgan made a pout at her response and then acted as if he was offended. the team laughed and then raised their glass in unison and took a sip. the case, overall, went well. you guys managed to catch the unsub in an isolated tunnel and brought him over to the parisian authorities. you and jj had taken the only victim left alive to the station to make one final statement to the news. the rest of bodies were given proper burial and the families were finally given closure. 

because the team had performed beyond excellent, and there were still a few days left before your departure, the team opted on celebrating on a night out. currently, you and your friends were seated around a small circular table inside a local bar, chatting away at whatever came to mind. 

you chose to only drink mineral water, mostly because you knew that you were technically still at work and you didn’t want to risk being drunk in case of an emergency. reid, in a similar manner, chose a glass of soda to toast with. but while doing so, he found himself looking at you in the same way he did on the plane. he hadn’t been able to take in your features that night, but as everyone was so deeply distracted, he began to notice everything. 

he looked over your outfit for tonight, a red, plaid mini skirt with a black turtleneck. the shirt itself was fitted to your body and allowed your angles and curves to be accentuated perfectly. the skirt permitted your legs to be highlighted in a decent, and elegant manner. your hair was loose tonight, and with every breeze that made its way through the bar windows, it caused small strands to caress your face lightly and some to stick to your lip gloss. the heels, oh god, the heels. it drove him crazy; the delicate way in which they clicked when you walked on the concrete, how they would sometimes cause you discomfort and force you to stop and fix it,  how your gentle hand had grasp his shoulder for balance or else you’d fall. 

everything about you tonight was immaculate. no matter how hard he forced himself to look away from you, to stop thinking of you in any other way than a coworker, and to just drink his soda which was becoming less carbonated with every passing second, he just couldn’t. and it was scaring the hell out of him. 

you on the other hand, were still trying to decipher what the tower lights had asked you. what was there to realize? you were here, in paris, the city where millions of people fall in love, to fight a serial killer. the chances of you finding love, especially on a balcony where you had spied on a stranger, were slim. 

by the time you finished your thought process, you noticed that hotch was looking at you with a puzzled expression. 

“everything alright, (y/n)?” he softly asked you. 

“yes, sir, just thinking. is it okay if I head back to my hotel?”

“yes, of course, you might even catch reid on the way there. he left a couple of minutes ago.”

“thank you, sir. good night,” you spoke and got up from your chair, adjusting your skirt as you did so. huh, he left? weird, you thought. you left a tip for the waiter and bid farewell to the rest of your companions before grabbing your coat and clutch and exiting the bar. 

it was rather close to your hotel, so within a few minutes you had reached your dorm and set your things down. sitting down on the edge of the bed, you bent over slightly to unlatch your heels and slip them off your feet. you set them aside and you laid on your back for a few minutes. the only light in your room was the bathroom’s as you didn’t like strong lights shining during the night, so these dimmed ones would do. 

you closed your eyes for a little while and just let the sounds of the city flow through you. you had one opportunity to experience paris, and you weren’t gonna take it for granted. for a while, only your small inhales and exhales of breath were audible, the aura of the room peaceful. 

it wasn’t until you heard footsteps, the very same ones from that other night, on your balcony. your eyes flew open and you pushed your body upward to look back at your window. this is my shot, my chance, you thought. could it be a super old man who was here on vacation? yes. could it rossi, who might’ve gotten the dorm next to yours? maybe. were the possibilities of who the hell was on your balcony in a parisian hotel endless? again, yes. 

but you had to see for yourself, figure out what exactly the universe, paris, was telling you. so you got up from your bed and creeped quietly to the window and slid it up. you crossed the threshold, and even though your light was limited, you were able to make out a tall, thin figure. you inched a little closer, hands crossed over your chest to appear somewhat like a normal human. you wouldn’t have figured it out until he spoke. 

“(y/n)?”

his voice sent shivers down every inch of your body, and no, it wasn’t the cold air of the city, it was him. it was spencer. it caught you by surprise, the feeling his voice gave you, but you tried to play it off. he never made you feel this way, why now? 

“(y/n)? you okay?” he spoke again. this time you lightly shook your head and walked closer to where he was standing so you could lean on the railing now. his body followed yours, and now you were able to make out the perpexled look on his eyes. 

“hi, yeah, I’m good. just didn’t expect to find you here, that’s all,” you spoke quietly, unsure of yourself. he noticed, obviously he noticed, it’s spencer. 

“yeah, same here. I heard footsteps the other night here but I had just taken a shower so I didn’t come out until later.” you glanced up at him when you realized that he was the figure that was in the restroom you’d seen. the one you had spied on and probably would’ve seen naked if emily hadn’t interrupted. a tiny blush made its way onto your cheeks, and you were quite thankful the dark covered the rosy color a little. 

but spencer wasn’t dumb, much less stupid, and if he noticed every little detail about you tonight, he saw how you became around him. and god, he sure did like it. “oh, well that’s good, i guess,” was all you could mutter. so you turned your body now to face the tower, elbows on the railing and hands folded together. he saw the shift in stance and he followed, so now you were both side by side and looking at a view that somehow resembled your emotions for one another. 

“hey spence?”

“yeah?”

“have you ever fallen in love?”

his voice hitched a little and he felt his throat tighten. he let out a small cough to mask the impact of your question, but he found the strength in his voice to retort.

“what makes you ask?”

“no, no reason, i was just curious, ya know. being in paris and all,” you answered. you began to feel intrusive for asking such a personal question, but it had seemed easy for you to do so because of your friendship. you were looking at him as you replied, but then looked back towards the view again. the both of you stood in silence for a couple minutes, your guilt seeping in more at this point. 

“only once. it didn’t end well for the both of us,” he broke the silence. you turned your head to look at him, and you were about to open your mouth to say something when he spoke again. 

“but it happened a long time ago. i don’t think about her anymore.”

you straightened up a little and you continued to face him, prying a little deeper than you should be. “so who do you think about now?”

he glanced at you, his face quickly returning back to the nature displayed in front of him and then looked back to you. a small grin began tugging at his lips, as if he meant to ask, “is this your way of playing with me?”

you gazed up at him and took this sudden swerve of confidence to glance at his lips, and then back up to him, your own smile forming. 

“she’s standing on a balcony with me in paris.” 

[bayrut]

SO since you’re the marvel expert here, which marvel movies are good in your opinion? I want a TED talk, please explain yourself with full detail bc ily when you talk about thing you like 💖 (I’m preparing myself to hear some bad takes tho)

ok so hi camila I am currently during a lab meeting so i will be able to finish this essay, but be warned this is,,,, extremely long i hope tumblr even lets me post this. but here are my favorite mcu movies in no particular order. like they’re all good, then i have a tiny section for honorable mentions of some movies that have a certain few good elements but overall are not Good TM. then i have a special mention for The Movie that shaped superhero movies forever (even though it is not my fave). 

If you find this too long and decide to not read that it okay!!! i totally get it. but if you don’t read my reply at least read this:

comic books are like a story and art/visuals right? but the two things that movie makers forget about when adapting a comic book to the screen are exactly that!!! the story and the visuals. they thing that they can make a movie where everyone punches everyone and throw in a few jokes and people will be please (and they are, look at how much money they are making...) but i am not pleased. there is no story, they don’t care about character arc. and the visuals are ugly, the art in comics is supposed to help the story, to help the plot flow, like the fights should tell stories in the way that they’re organized, and the visuals should be breathtaking and serve the plot. and this all is not hard to do like: just hired a good choreographer for the fights and learn how to shoot shots properly and that’s... it. and it has been done before in some of the movies i mentioned and some shows *cough cough* watch daredevil *cough cough* so yeah it is doable but the directors dont care and would prefer to make mindless action movies with jokes and label them as ‘superhero movies’ because they know people will eat that up.

anyway, rant over, these are the best marvel movies: (open at your own risk this is extremely detailed, 4 word pages long and i did not proof read it, it took me over two hours to write)

the best marvel movie of all time must spider-man: into the spider-verse but that’s probably because they spent so many time on it to get it right. also, it’s probably cheating to consider it the best movie, since it’s animated so it does get the whole comic book vibe best automatically. but really the movie is funny, like a spider-man movie should be, the art is beautiful it is Art and honestly anyone that doesn’t think the same can unfollow me. i tried the first time i saw the trailer and also when i watched it in the cinema. Art. although the dialogue is a bit poor, and they did my girls gwen and peni dirty. but john mulaney is in it so!!! definitely one of the superior movies. the art is so beautiful i write and cry about it all the day but the fact that each character is done in a different style, and that the background and scenery is so,,, detailed,,, like it’s beautiful. even besides being a good superhero movie, it’s an amazing animated movie when compared to the trash kids get these days, where all characters look the same in a movie but also from a movie to the next. also the soundtrack was kinda amazing for the movie. tl;dr: i want my spider-verse 2 now please and thank you, the 10 second teaser was enough for me to tear up

black panther is one of the best marvel movie. i know a lot of people have focused on the diversity aspect of it and how we need black superheros so i won’t focus on it too much, you already know that. but. the costumes. are so beautiful. they spent so much time designing costumes. the plot was interesting, which honestly,,, i can’t say the same for most superhero movies these days. the movie encapsulates the magically tehcnological vibe that wakanda gives off in the comics, and honestly all the actors did a great job. also, the casino fight scene... like help that was too beautiful. superhero movies fight scenes should feel like a well-organized and elegant choreography, and honestly i’m so upset that a lot of movies decide to be like whatever they can throw in punches and that will. like in comics the punches and kicks serve to fight a narrative, to help the flow of the images move. it’s not an action movie or one of those war movies where whoever punches whoever else and that’s done. those are comic book adaptations. i need to see the flow of images. the art. where is it. anyway. black panther has that in probably all fight scenes, and i would like to say thanks to everyone who worked on that aspect. like for real fight scences looking pretty is a big part of why i like or don’t like a superhero comic book, movie, or tv show (on that note, go watch daredevil). also, the movie was funny enough but not a joke. like a comic book should be. loved it

logan: ok idk if this is an unpopular opinion and idc, but the xmen movies are far more superior than the other movies. they just get the vibe right. logan was a beautiful movie. it was different than all other movies in the superhero genre, it is violent but not violent for the sake of violent, it was violent to portray how violent life it. it wasn’t showing blood just to show blood. it captures so many emotions like intense grief and regret correctly, it is an actually Good Content movie, like many adults treat the superhero genre as a joke, and i think logan shows that it should not be treated as a joke. also, i think the characterisation of logan (like i mean the character himself) was much better in this movie compared to the xmen movies. like there he is just brooding and rude, but in logan i think he stopped being a 2-dimensional character. anyway, love it, teared up at the end, we should get more xmen movies and in general, superhero movies like this

ok i might be biased because i know the script by heart by now, but guardians of the galaxy is also one of the greatest movies based on a comic book. idk how much you know about gotg, but the comics were not doing great before the movie, but after it like marvel started making new runs and they all became popular. anyway my point is: the story was beautiful, the images and background were Beautiful, it was funny, it was a movie about not belonging anywhere but finding people to call home, about finding a reason to live. all the characters were like whatever i just exist i don’t matter and!! they found home. a lot of people treat the movie as a joke because of how light it is and how the characters are all different stereotypes of ‘funny sarcastic character’, but it really is beautiful. and the soundtrack.... can i just say... genius, superior, amazing, fantastic, i could go on for days. that opening scene where star-lord is alone and singing??? the way it is filmed??? the choreography of it all?? like idk it’s just too good. i have lots of feelings about gotg. the second one wasn’t as good, i didn’t like the main plot it was a bit Too Much but i liked the continuing theme of finding home with Yondu (who deserved better imo) but yes gotg is a superior movie

iron man, like how do i even describe this movie without insulting it... it launched the MCU. it is iconic. RDJ is amazing but not only him, everyone in that movie is great. and honestly all the iron man movies are great. (if you compare with how tony stark is portrayed in the avengers movies, like he’s way more shallow there). the movies make sense, the fight scence have that dramatic and elegant element about them. the second wasn’t my fave, but still was extremely good. the third was amazing too, like the ending of it with the suits and all that... the portrayal of mental illness, like panic attacks and anxiety,,, like this is truly what the movie genre should be about. not just mindless fights, it is about stories, and that is why most superhero movies are not good. normal people go and like them but i can’t enjoy them. and not just me (and comic book readers), like people who enjoy them are usually the people who are okay to go watch a random movie with good jokes (because that’s what most superhero movies are these days, bad plot but good enough jokes for people to go pay 15$ and see them). i mean i am ok with those movies too, but since i read comics i don’t and can’t really enjoy those movies. i think when people tell me they don’t like marvel, it is most often because they are people that read (not just comics) like they read books and care about plot and what is the movie really trying to say so when they’re asked why they dont like the movie they’re like oh it’s a dumb superhero movie... and i can’t argue with that because most superhero movies are like that right now... they profit off the fact that some superhero movies (like iron man) were huge hits that revived the genre, and profit off the fact that people think they will automatically enjoy the movie and wil go watch it, so they don’t care about actually writing a story...

xmen days of the future past this is,,, such a good movie,,, i’m a sucker for time-travel when it’s done right, and the slow-motion quicksilver scene with the music,, can i just say,,, poetic cinema,,, beautiful,, my only complaint is that there are not enough relevant female characters but like,,, it looks how a comic book movie should look like,,, anytime i’m on a plane i have to watch it... also,,, i discovered 2 years ago that a lot of scenes were filmed at my university so like,, it holds an extremely special place in my heart, i can’t believe i’ve been in the same buildings where they filmed it, it’s crazy..

doctor strange: ok ok dont @ me yet please listen. i know story-wise it is meh, they didn’t do it well (but i have real high hopes for the sequel, but that’s a talk for another day) but the visuals!!!! the visuals!!!! the fights!!! the way that they morph like reality during the fights,,, it’s just,, so beautiful, one could get drunk just by looking at it,,, also,, the sanctum sancotrum looks so pretty. the fights flow amazingly well (kudos to the cape). the dormammu scence!!!! oscar-worthy!! like i know the plot wasn’t great and the movie is zelma-erasure but!!! it looks like a superhero movie should look like and look i’m an arts kid that’s why i like comics because they’re pretty and the pictures tell a story. like of course i read books i read a lot but the visuals are so important for comic books and they should be for comic book to movie adaptations and they’re often not but doctor strange had it

ok one of my faves it ant-man and also the sequel but let’s focus on ant-man for a second, it is goofy but has lots of emphasis on the family subplot and that’s beautiful. this movie should have gotten an award just for when Luis tells stories like that scene is iconic. a lot of people think it’s a dumb movie because it focuses a lot on being funny but actually like the themes!!! aborded. like being in jail then not being able to find a job, then trying to steal again just because you need money because you wanna see your kid, like the power of showing this!! people treat it as a joke like ha ha look he is an engineer and he is working in an ice cream store, but here again no it’s an important story and comic books are books like @ movie directors where is my story??? why are you making a movie but forgetting the story??? how and why?? anyway ant-man had a story!! and also the scott/cassie father/daughter relationship.... like.. my heart. also the visual when ant-man becomes too tiny... very pretty

ok now for some movies that arent the best but have some really good elements that have to be mentioned

thor ok so a lot of people think it is not good but loki in it... i swear tom hiddleston is a great actor and just like,,, the way he portrays despair and like sadness and grief (over himself! about losing himself) is really beautiful... like even in the dark world his performance was really good,,, the Dramaticism of it all.... amazing,,, but his character was done so dirty in the MCU, like loki and wanda and strange are supposed to be the 3 most powerful sorcerers in the marvel world and the MCU was like there you get a small knife, as a treat (like don’t get me wrong i want loki to have a knife but...) also his character deserves more depth than that... like the comic books are breathtaking i’m so sad they did loki so bad... they erased the fact that loki is genderfluid, that he has complex morals, that loki is the god/goddess of stories not just whatever he is supposed to be in those movies... anyway i’m hoping for better characterization in the show, especially that they also hired a female actress to also play loki so we might get genderfluid loki,,, but also i dont wanna have hope and clown

big hero 6 (yes it counts do not fight me): although the animation was very similar to the animation these days, like it was not Special like into the spider-verse, the story is cute, it tackles important topics like grief and how do deal with grief, which is good considering that most kids movies these days just rehash the same topics and don’t care about the plot lines or what is learned

ok i hate and i really mean absolutely hate the new spider-man movies because the are bad but far from home has to be acknowledged for jake gyllenhaal as mysterio but not just about jake, in the end he is just an actor. you know that scene where he is doing his ‘illusions’ towards the end of the movie and it never ends and everytime you think the scene is over and we’re back to reality it turns out we’re still in the ‘illusion’??? just this scene and i really mean just this one scence did it right. like it’s like a comic book. when i watched it i was breathless i is beautiful. anything else in that movie i don’t care at all

i like venom but not because it’s great, the plot is very weak and it doesn’t look great but tom hardy is really good in it... like him losing it over having a symbiote in himself, being like Stressed and Anxious and A Disaster TM is really good... like when he goes to the restaurant and eats that lobster alive and sits in the tank... like amazing and superb love it

and finally, i can’t make this list without mentioning the movie that really made the difference:

avengers ok so avengers was not the best because it really did not care about black widow or hawkeye or hulk at all (their characterization is horrible and butchered in all the movies), and i don’t even like captain america, and thor is annoying, so basically tony stark, loki, and our buddies at shield carry the whole movie, but this movie is so important in terms of like, it’s the first movie that really like started the crossover movies for superheros, the ‘let’s put it all together and hope people don’t get confused’. without it like really the MCU (and DCU, even though idc much about it sorry) would be nothing like they are today!! but yeah like it did so many characters dirty like the characterization sucks, the plot is rushed,,, but like it’s okay. oh and the fight scenes are good! like you still have the whole elegant choreography element of it, which exists in the first few crossover marvel movies like this one and age of ultron (that movie was dissapointing i was so hyped for ultron as a villain and then they made him out to be a tuna can) but then for like civil war and endgame and all that it’s just huge fights and everyone hitting anyone and i don’t care for that like you get lost the only info you can take out is like: oh, there is punching happening. you don’t get to enjoy elements of it and how all the characters are interacting and collaborating together to make a visually pleasing scene simply because those fights are. not. visually. pleasing. anyway. also the shawarma scene was superior. 

[prcphetess]

greetings ladies, theydies, n gaydies !  it’s officially pride month / my birth month which means my power and chaos are both at their absolute highest so i apologize in advance :/  ANYWAY i’m hannah, i’m twenty but only for a couple more weeks, i’m kickin it in the est, n i use she/her pronouns !  now onto what you’re all here for ...

enter LOURDES CLEMONTE .

her app / bio are kind of Wild Rides but if ur in the business of reading i did send her app in the discord server n i also have Just her bio linked on her navigation tab as well as a stats page !! but i’ll try my best to summarize all the important stuff here !

also before we get started .. a quick TW for child loss, non-descriptive mentions of grooming, sexual harassment/assault, abuse, car crashes, n death and i THINK that’s everything

HISTORY.

it all started w her dad .. leopold clemonte.. in summary: fuck that guy !

he’s a hot shot author turned movie writer man but in order to gain all of his success he had to make a series of shady deals w none other than our petty king apollo

deal #1 was the life of her twin brother :(

deal #2 was her mother’s sanity aka she became like.. a ghost essentially who no longer speaks or interacts w anyone it’s very sad

deal #3 was meant to be lourdes 

now to backtrack a minute, our girl lou went to school to become a playwright bc her whole life she was desperate to make herself seem worthy to her father n unfortunately leopold knew this and used it to his advantage when apollo demanded he pay off his debt

leopold essentially groomed her to please apollo and promised that she would have a hand in his business forever if she could do tht so she was like okay :)

until .. apollo’s price got too high... u know... n she dared to say no and for that she was Punished

aka cursed

but more about that later

anyway bc she royally pissed off apollo by rejecting him, leopold ALSO lost all his help in being famous and had to turn to a famously wealthy family in california known as the grimaldis 

in order to get them to fund him, he forced lourdes to marry their son brooks who was Not A Nice Man 

2 years into their marriage brooks died in a car accident tht lou Might have caused.. for legal reasons i can neither confirm nor deny whether tht happened but the police didn’t charge her so do with tht what you will 

but she kind of went on the run anyway bc post-curse her doctors were like “nah this bitch is straight up crazy” and she knew her dad wasnt gonna b happy with her for another deal going sour so .. she ran !  and she’s kinda been hotel hopping between towns for the last 3 years trying her best not to interact w anyone !

CURSE.

lou’s curse is all abt prophecy baby !

okay so basically she can see the future of things/objects via touching them which was a whole big symbolic thing in the app bc she “deceived” apollo w her hands .. idk man here’s the line from the bio tht says it best

he  binds  her  wrists  and  says  because  it  was  your  hands  you  used  to  lie ,  now  your  hands  will  see  the  truth  as  he  renders  her  incapable  of  touching  anything  or  anyone  without  foreseeing  an  imminent  doom .  you  will  see  but  never  be  seen ,  he  says .  you  will  hear  but  never  be  heard .

ofc in true cassandra style, if she tries to talk to anyone abt her curse ever it’s like the earth swallowed her whole.. nobody can hear her.. nobody can see her.. nothing.. 

she also has absolutely no idea how to control it at all so like sometimes they’re very vivid images of something going to happen sometimes theyre more like bad feelings abt things .. it’s like a fun game where she never knows whats gonna happen and the prophecies ruin her life !

another quote bc im too lazy to resummarize things

the  general  rule  of  thumb ,  however ,  is  that  the  smaller  the  vision ,  the  easier  it  is  to  see  clearly .  small - scale  or  individual  prophecies  —  like  her  university  president  having  a  heart  attack  —  are  generally  more  easy  to  distinguish .  in  comparison ,  the  years  of  anguish  that  brooks  would  later  cause  her  were  much  harder  to  pin  down  and  presented  themselves  more  as  a  more  general  sense  of  danger .

 the only way she can stop it is with a literal.. physical barrier so she sometimes wears gloves but she can only have them on for a small amount of time before her body starts to reject it and make her Physically Unwell so she has to pick n choose man its unfortunate

EXTRA INFO.

man homegirl is Lonely.. big time... she’s just been avoiding human contact for such a long time she’s ALONE !

she has 2 major scars from the car accident, one on her left cheek from the windshield and one down her right shoulder/bicep from the window and both are very much noticeable :(

she very much loves this small town feeling bc she loves to b invisible and it’s so easy to in sleepy nowhere towns like this

she lives off the database property in like .. a tiny run down house that she’s putting all her time and energy into fixing up n she likes it a lot bc she hasnt had a home of her own in a long time

she also has a black cat named ernest, named after the play the importance of being earnest by oscar wilde

she’s also been working on a PLAY for the last few years, it’s a greek-esque tragic “romance” between the sun and the moon, where the sun is based on apollo and the moon is based on her and it does end with the sun realizing tht the moon is the only person w the power to eclipse him and extinguish him so get fucked apollo !

also speaking of writing she writes a letter home to her mom once every couple of months even tho like .. she can’t really read.. it’s very sad, lou is very sad, thank u for listening

ok this is already like .. stupid long.. so im gonna call it a day WHEW but thank u for reading n i think i’ve honestly already plotted w most of u but feel free 2 like this anyway n i’ll either slide into ur dms either to plot or just to say hey KSDJFSK :)

[rock-n-roll-refugee]

Ultraviolence~Chapter 1

I had to rewrite this because I forgot to save it... shoot me

PART 2 OUT NOW ON MY PAGE (I’m too lazy and dumb to link)

Peter Parker x Villain!Reader

A/N: This is something I wanna try, and I know I suck at writing and sticking to one project so let’s see how well this goes. And if y’all like this please let me know I feed off your complements :( also idk what The Hand is, i know its from Daredevil, but I'm just using it randomly. sorry

warnings: a lot of swearing lol, violence, blood

If you watched A Clockwork Orange you would know that the storyline follows a madman’s twisted descent into normality. Substitute Def Leppard for the old Ludwig Van and you have the tragic story of (Y/N) (Y/L/N). 

She had many similarities to the infamous Alex Delarge in which they both are mentally deranged and crave that sweet taste of violence. (Y/N) also took part in somewhat of a gang, but it wasn’t like Alex’s droogs. It was more of an ancient organization of assassins than a gang, but nonetheless, she was on the wrong side of the law. The organization was called The Hand and she was taken in by Bakuto, the leader, when she was only four after her father killed her mother and abandoned a very young (Y/N) on the streets. Her father was a rouge member and destroyed his family so he could escape for himself. Or at least that was the story she was told. Bakuto took her in because he saw potential, or maybe it was just her superhuman powers, for she had the ability to manipulate the elements into any weapon of choice making her an excellent weapon for The Hand. 

~

It was a typical mission, take out a corrupt entrepreneur who had got caught in a bad situation with some bad people. It was a task that she had preformed many times over many years, but today was different. It was her first solo mission. 

“Its in and out. Simple as that.” she whispered to herself.

She scaled the building, it was a large villa on the edge Lake George in New York. It was magnificent and it all came from dirty money. The atmosphere gave her a boost of confidence and she decided, why not have a little fun? Unlike the rest of The Hand, she always liked to spice up her assassinations with a little flare. Just like her idol Mr. Delarge, she was always one for the dramatics. A lot of her inspiration came from her favorite movie, as you know, is A Clockwork Orange. However, this was the only film (Y/N) (Y/L/N) has ever sense there wasn't anything to compare to. She smuggled the film into base, knowing she was forbidden to view films from the outside, and that it would disrupt her training, but it was her only memory with her previous family. Her father would watch this movie and to her mother’s dismay, she watched it along with him even though it was a movie very unsuitable for young eyes. What should be considered an awful memory according to Bakuto was something of comfort for (Y/N). Unlike most, she sympathized for Alex Delarge, and even though he was meant to be an evil “anti-hero”, she was able to relate to his strife.

She was lost in her thoughts when she heard the front doors open and close. She snuck to a new hiding spot and watch guests flow into the mansion. There was a corporate celebration being held tonight, and what better way of sending a message than in front of maybe hundreds. The hours passed and it became gradually hard to stay hidden due to the vast amount of party goers. She was ahead of the game however and was prepared for this situation. She changed into appropriate attire for the event, which was a black camisole dress layered with a mesh long sleeve dress with gold embroidery, which was provided to her. She slipped on the obligatory heels and joined the party, waiting for the right moment to strike. 

~

“I don’t understand Mr. Stark, why did you have to bring me here again?” Peter whined at Tony as the exited the car. 

“Kid, if you want to be involved with Stark Industries you need to know how to go to things like this.” Tony said waving off Happy. 

“Who is this guy anyways?” Peter said trying to keep up with Tony

“This guy is a pretty big investor in my company, and it would be rude of us not to go. He’s kind of a jackass though.”

They maneuvered their way through the crowd, shaking hands and greeting unfamiliar people. They finally found a place to stand, to be greeted by yet more money sniffing mongrels wanting to stuff their greedy hands into Tony’s pockets. Peter slouched over getting bored after only 15 minutes and waiting for this event to be over. He groaned and Tony rolled his eyes and sighed. Peter’s eyes began to scan the room for something slightly interesting, when he caught a good look at her. His posture suddenly improved grabbing Tony’s attention. He watched Peter drool over the (Y/H/C) haired girl in the black and gold dress, watching every move she made.

“Quit drooling kid and go talk to her.” Tony demanded. Peter’s eyes went large.

“Wha-what do you mean Mr. Stark?” Peter stuttered looking back from her and Tony.

“You really aren’t subtle.” Tony said face palming, “quit groaning and go over there. Gives you something to do rather than bugging me all night.”

Tony nudged Peter in her direction and he slowly and awkwardly waddled over to her. She stood in a pretty empty part of the party with her arms crossed, just staring blankly into the crowd.

“he-hey” he said softly

She looked at the nervous boy with her eyebrow raised, 

“hi” she said easily dismissing him

“um... so... cool party right?”

“right.” she said giving only a sliver of attention the the boy. Her attitude gave him a weird boost in confidence.

“So, what’s your name?” He asked throwing her off guard.

“Uhhh...” she was preparing to go unnoticed and not talk to anyone, so she didn’t even bother coming up with a fake name. She frantically scanned the room for ideas. She looked over to the bar and saw the bartender pouring a drink for a partygoer,

“Scotch...” she muttered, “Scotch uhhhh...” 

She then saw a man walk by wearing a brown leather jacket,

“Leather?” She said unsure.

“Scotch Leather?” Peter asked

“Yeah...” she said mentally face palming.

He began to burst out laughing as she joined him laughing nervously.

“I’m so sorry, I know that’s your name and its very rude of me to laugh, but no offense, that sounds like a stripper’s name.” He said as she scoffed. She realized the humor in it and began to laugh hysterically with him. 

Hours went by, and the two just talked and laughed about everything. As night fell, they heard a glass being chimed, attracting everyone’s attention. The host, and (Y/N)’s target stood up in the front of the room. 

“That’s my cue” she said to herself.

“Sorry what?” Peter said no catching what she was saying.

“Oh, I said I need to use the restroom.” she said putting down her glass of water, “It was nice meeting you Parker.” 

Peter smiled victoriously and marched back to Tony.

“You were over there for a while. How’d it go?” Tony whispered as the host began his speech.

“Amazing! She's smart, and pretty, and my age too!” Peter told him ecstatically.

“Did you get her number?”

“Crap.”

~

She had changed back into her previous attire and snuck onto the roof where she had a good view of her target. She tied her hair up into a tight bun and slipped on her mask. She had to use her full face mask due to the fact that she walked around the party for a while and enough people saw her face to be able to show it. She groaned at the suffocation and begrudgingly stuffed her head in. It was musty and smelled like sweat, and the connected goggles were scratched up and foggy. The one advantage was that her identity was completely hidden and she looked pretty freaky. She adjusted her suit, which was an all black bulletproof suit that went up to her neck, and cargo pants and boots over the suit. 

She reached out her hand and a chunk of metal melted from a bare pipe and flew into her hand, shaping into a katana once it touched her palm. she peaked through the skylight at the target, still rambling on.

“...and to all those who have been a part of my project, I’d like to thank and for the profits, we are making more than we anticipated, so I am making a proposal for the next...” 

He droned on for a long time, but she had to wait for the perfect moment. She wanted to make her first solo mission something to remember. 

She cut a hole through the skylight and swiftly hopped down right behind him, barely making a noise when her feet touched the floor. She went unnoticed until she stood up behind him. She was merely a shadow, and barely visible, but what caught everyone’s eye was the gleam of her sword. The crowd audibly gasps at the intruder and a frightened murmur is heard throughout the room.

“I know, I know. These new plans are ambitious, but trust me I have a plan to initiate a...” he says, as a reply to the gasps and murmurs.

The assassin smirks under her mask as the host turns around confused as to why the crowd looked frightened, and the moment he is face to face with her she sheaths her katana deep into his heart. The people in the crown scream and run frantically out of the building. She chuckles knowing the scene looks almost like renaissance painting, her and the target dead center, his eyes rolled back into his head, and the frenzy of the guests scattering the ironically serene and exquisite room. It was almost poetic and how she wished she could get a snapshot of the moment. She twisted the sword making the man scream out in pain and retracted her sword, taking one last look at the magnificent scene and scurrying off.

“Hey Peter?” Tony asked, not looking directly at him

“Y-yeah?”

“Do you have your suit on you?”

[neirawrites]

I was a Twihard in high school. Then I was a Twilight hater. In  2018, I decided to reread the first book, to see for myself on which side I belonged. I wrote my thoughts as I read, in multiple parts, but on my main blog, so I thought I might share them on my writeblr too, because I kinda had fun with it. 

Enjoy my many, many notes

Pages 0-50

I’m actually kinda into it. Yeah, there are a many issues every article on editing tells you to fix (filter words, -ing verbs and things like that), but i feel it. I don’t know what it is, but it’s there.

Bella isn’t that bad of a protagonist. Nothing too spectacular, but she’s fine. She is depressed, self sacrificing and hides her feelings, but also a lot more self aware than i though she would be(like when she notices mike, my son, likes her). She’s a typical teenage girl, the introverted type, way into reading. there’s nothing wrong with that.

I don’t know why i remember Edward being a draco in leather pants,but he’s also fine for now. mysterious and handsome and a bit weird. The first real conversation they have, he’s polite and nice and charming. I expected him to be a dick for like 150 pages at least.

Pages 50-100

I’m still really into it.

Yeah,Edward kinda ghosts her/gaslights her after the whole van incident, but with the benefit of hindsight,i kinda get it. It’s a wonder he didn’t pick up his entire family and moved to Alaska again. I also get her mood during that time and I've been there so i feel ya,Bella,it’s not your fault.

And yeah, Bella gets invited to the dance by three different guys and it’s all kinds of fan fic-y, but the fact she turns them down furthers my belief she’s wake up married to Edward in like a few years and realize she would rather be with Rosalie (a solid choice, might i add).

Edward’s really pushy, especially when it comes to the scene after she faints. like, let her go, you jerk, she can drive herself, but he’s more weird than he’s a jerk and i think that was intentional.

A big surprise was the line “what if i’m not the hero, what if i’m the bad guy?” which isn’t this super cheesy, extra dramatic sentence but a jokey joke told with a laugh. actually, that whole conversation in the cafeteria where she tries to guess what he is is gold and don’t try to tell me otherwise.

I’m reading her interests in him as less of a romantic thing, and more of frustration at his behavior,like she would still be fascinated by him if he wasn’t so hot because he’s just so weird (but being hot is definitely a plus).

Plot? What plot?

Still, while the flaws are there, i’m still enjoying it very much.

Pages 100-150

Is Stephanie Meyer into anime? Cuz she wrote a harem light novel,that’s what she did and that’s how i’ll read it from now on and have more fun doing it. (Might make a post elaborating on this further).

All this to say that we got to Jacob. Not gonna lie, I kinda forgot about him.  He seems like a nice kid and i’m glad Bella has some positive interaction. Team jacoj 4 life (jk,man,i was team jasper in high school which is in retrospect very weird of me). I know he becomes a friend-zoned dudebro later, but for now, he’s fine.

Meyer, lady, you’re winning me over as a half hearted defender of your work, but why are the girls so bitchy? Yeah,i know, bitchy girls exist in real life, especially in high schools,but girls are our friends and we need more positive female on female interactions. Just my personal preference, I guess.

Things are getting interesting. Bella’s dreaming weird dreams (just fyi, not a big fan of dream scenes in general), she’s googling like crazy  and we’re going to Port Angeles.

I never felt she has any sort of affection for Angela or Jessica who seem really nice and have done nothing wrong. Like loosen up Bella, give them a chance. I know, depression makes you into a bitch sometimes, but it would warm me up to her character if she was a little more affectionate with people around her.

That whole scene where she almost gets at best beaten up and mugged and at worst raped and killed is… not my favorite part of the whole thing. I get what Meyer needed to do, to have her be saved by Edward, but there must have been a better way to go about it. What do I know? I’m the queen of forced plot contrivances. I do like their conversation at the restaurant (again, why do we hate the female waitress, Steph?). I don’t know why, I expected Edward to be mad at Bella for what happened to her and he seems genuinely concerned and his anger feels… human. Some of his actions, however, do not.

He stalked her which is weird and creepy and I hate it. Don’t stalk people, Edward. most of us don’t like it. you’re lucky Bella’s a weirdo.

150-200

I kinda love how ok she’s with the whole vampire thing. she’s just “well, this kid i barely know told me a scary story, so i guess the guy from school is a vampire. it be like that sometimes.” my first assumption would be it’s all an elaborate prank to make fun of me (i have some deep seeded trust issues origins of which remain unknown). and he’s waaay to quick to confirm her suspicions. I think there’s an explanation in the part of midnight sun that got leaked, but that was like a century ago.

I would criticize her for being ride or die with Edward so fast, falling in love with him so quickly, but i exchanged like 5 sentences with a cute girl last night and a part of is ready to propose based on the artiness of her instagam, so who the eff am i to judge?

and i get why he’s fascinated with her. she’s the only one he can’t read.

why? i don’t think that question ever gets a good enough answer, but it’s a fictional story about a girl falling in love with a sparky vampire. i’m not here for complex science or detailed explanations.

he seems waaay too protective of her. She’s a big girl, Ed, she can take care of herself. It’s actually kinda annoying. i dislike how he treats like a child a lot of the time. he seems pretty condescending. also, if he broke her car, i’m taking back everything nice i said about him.

ok, let me finally address bella’s biggest character flaw, her clumsiness. i mean, i get why she has it but Meyer goes a bit too hard on it. i’m clumsy, i really am, full of bruises, always bumping into things, but Bella can’t walk 20 meters without tripping. i guess i’m just glad she becomes a vampire in the book four, otherwise the book five would have been about her struggles when she’s diagnosed with a stage four inoperable brain tumor that’s been mesing with her sense of balance and the whole things turns into a weird version of the fault in our starts.

if i were writing it i would focus on her trust issues and being unable to form real bonds with other people as her main flaw, maybe even use it to try and justify the whole thing with the mind Edward can’t read. Like, she’s too different in a way that makes her unable to connect even on a basic level, like that one Blue whale that sings at a different frequency than all the others. Idk,i write pulpy sci fi. but it’s easy to be a general after the battle.

we got to the two infamous lines:

how are you? 17. how long have you been 17?  is another line that’s more jokey than i though it would be, but also the most realistic piece of dialogue in this book. i would so ask the same thing.

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, this paragraph has been memed to death. Second, there was a part of me-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that would know every word of it till the day i died. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in like with it.

200-300

Not gonna lie, the whole part where he goes around asking her questions he is legitimately interested in knowing the answers to is at the same time my kinkiest fantasy and my deepest fear. like, yaaas, daddy, get to know me on the personal level and don’t be turn off by the fact i’m a tabula rasa.

We got to the infamous meadow scene and Bella is sooo horny on main for that vampire stake it’s actually kinda funny. She gets so effing into it she faints. I fucking love this girl. Go get that adonis dick, Bella, you deserve it.

I don’t mind vampires sparkle.i mean,it’s lame and fanfic-y but in Bosnia we have the lampires so vampires are creatures with a high dose of plasticity. i don’t know why that was like the worst thing anyone has ever done to the vampires. They are kinda too strong and could use a real weakness tho.  

So the lion fell in love with the lamb is kind of another joke. Also, this is the skin of a killer is sadly just in the movie.

I do have the feeling he likes the project that he sees in Bella more than the real girl,but ok. Also stop nagging her. He watches her sleep. What a creep. I don’t know why, but the fact that he’s a vampire who doesn’t have to sleep makes it kinda less creepy for me. I don’t know why.

But “if i could dream at all i would be about you,” is the kind of ultracheese i can get behind. they are both such teenagers and i kinda looooove it.

Also non of the boys were her type is such a lesbian excuse. I feel ya Bella, i feel ya. I hope you discover your gayness after the end of breaking dawn.

We meet the cullens and every single one of them has a backstory like 528 times more interesting than Edward. i need novels about them, all of them ffs. it would be so cool. but, one of my favorite oc’s Errien Lark gets like 30 lines in the whole book so i can only be as harsh on Meyer as on myself (which is to say a lot. neither of us deserve these characters, honestly)

This book would have been more interesting if Bella fell in love in any other cullen. Like, Bella and Alice, Bella and jasper (Bella and Jasper and Alice. Sorry, i’m into solving love triangles with ot3s).Bella and Rosalie, Calilise, Esme, even Emmett, who i remember  as mike of the vampires, but it’s been a decade.

300 pages in and plot is yet to happen, but it’s ok. we have the vampire baseball next.

the last part.

get your hot takes! hot takes right here

I kinda like billy. He seems like a nice guy. Also billy/charlie as my new otp.

“The beautiful one,the godlike one.” Bella, you are such a teen.

The less fucks she has about him being an all powerful ancient creature of the night who can murder her in a heartbeat, the funnier it is. She is just soo casual about it. Comedy gold, i tell ya. i mean, this is actually part of the narrative, Edward comments on it, meyer knows what she wrote.

Ed,maybe is you stopped saying she smells good, you would be better at not thinking about her as food. Mind over matter. Just a thought. Maybe i misjudged his virgin ass. Maybe ed the incel actually fell in love with her. Or at least what he thinks is love since they’ve been dating for like two days (look who’s talking?the girl who reads any sign of affection as a statement of love and then gets disappointed).

“Emmett could never be compared to a gazelle”. That’s sexist steph. Emmett, honey, you are as gracious as you want to be.

Also a big yaaaas on the whole concept of vampire baseball. we needed more of it.

Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot!

We have encountered plot. Only 320 pages in. three bad vampires came into town.

Story time: when i was in high school, all like 20 of us in out class were really, really into twilight (dudes included). we quoted it all the time but the height of comedy happened when someone brought their friend from another school to out class and someone else was like “you brought a snack” and a meme was born to be quoted endlessly for months. it was actually kinda fun. and probably very annoying for anyone who wasn’t into twilight.

Also, any development? Backstory? Motivations other than for the hell of it for out boi James and his ginger girlfriend? come on, it wouldn’t even be that hard. Also, some foreshadowing? There was like one line before. This is a legitimate criticism. it’s kinda shitty writing and a wasted opportunity.

Edward is being a dick again. I get he’s scared but her dad could die. Or maybe they’ll trun him into a vampire too (charlie/Edward? Think about it). But they all call him out on it which is nice. Bella’s plan isn’t bad, but “let me go charlie” is the straight up coldest thing i have read in a long time. it’s supposed to be, this isn’t criticism, just stating the obvious. But she showed like an inclining of love for her dad who has been nothing but nice all this time. Yeeey, she’s not a robot.

“It was the best idea. Of course it was mine” . Yaas, queen, you’re not that much of a doormat;  take that credit.

i would do something to foreshadow the ballet studio thing in the first half of the book. at least, have Bella or Charlie looking at pictures from her recital, just to intricate it to the plot a bit more.

Ok, now i remember why i was team jasper. He is so effing nice. And he would be awesome for my depression. Neira/Alice/jasper, i ship it.

i’m kinda digging the explanations of how vampires work and the whole venom thing. They are still op af and need to be nerfed, but i wanna be one.

Of course, he used the mom. She’s like the only person bella actually cares about. She falls for it. i would probably fall too, but i’m dumb.

the fact that james hunted Alice is a nice and a very much needed twist. it did catch me of guard. i would be more mad he’s a bad guy monologing, but i can only introduce stones to my own glass houses.

Bella’s now more into the idea of being a vampire than into Edward and i’m living for it. she’s going to use him for his venom and a baby and run off with rosalie.

“and how many times did she fall our of a window?” (yes, that is a Sherlock reference in the year 2018 of our lord. maybe i should do that for my next project. should i wait a few more years?)

her mom is not worried enough, honestly. my mom would be freaking out. but my mom has anxiety issues, so idk… (i couldn’t get her smooth hairless legs, or her blue eyes but i got that gene. thanks, i guess) .

“And i have a couple of girlfriends” now that’s a novel i want to read but i guess i’ll have to write the lesbian twilight myself.

“I want to be superman too”. yeeees, finally, kristen steward in the role of superman casting of the century. you would all watch it and love it, and you know it.

Charlie doesn’t deserve this shit. when will he retire with his husband billy in their cabin where they can fish all day.

“Do you want me to bolt the door so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?“ Are we sure she hasn’t been a vampire from day one?

Jacob is a sweetie (for now) just putting that out there.

Edward is kinda being unreasonable. being a vampire in your universe isn’t that bad.

Aaaaw, and that’s a wrap.

i actually kinda digged it. it’s nothing special, but i read these last 150 pages in one sitting. my main issues are writing oriented. very little foreshadowing, many filter words and things like that, but i guess if you aren’t that into writing, you might not even notice more of that.

it’s not the death of literature, it’s not the worst love story ever told. it’s just a silly and mostly harmless wish fulfillment novel.

edward can be a controlling and condescending prick but he gets called out on it very often. it’s not like meyer is completely oblivious to what she’s writing. and even tho he’s 100, i guess they are all mostly stuck mentally at the age when they were turned. or at least that’s how it seems to me. bella is kind of a bitch to everyone who’s not a vampire and she’s never called out on it, there’s a glimpse of change in the epilogue, but i don’t think meyer really considered it a character flaw. which is a shame, as it could have made for an interesting character. all the vampires have stories i would rather read about, as i said before, but what can ya do? that’s what’s fanfics are for.

i may write more of cohesive thought on it when it settles in my brain, but first, i need to watch the movie. i have a hypothesis i need to test.

but i don’t regret doing this. it was kinda fun and now i’m no longer ashamed of my twihard phrase. i could have done worse, as far as teen phases go.

Someone should like write a fanfic, but Edward is not a vampire, but a rich guy. And he’s into some hard core spanky business. And they should take all the problematic elements and just crank them up to 11. And add a looot of sex. I bet they could make millions.

Tho, honestly, how can you read twilight and not make bella the kinky dom? you fundamentally misunderstood the story. for shame

[syncogon]

qzgs prequel movie pv2 thoughts

(pv1 thoughts here)

Since the account gave advance warning, I was literally parked on the weibo page refreshing for like the entire day

pretty colors! I wonder where in the real life Hangzhou this place is based off of

(also, didn’t smq die before signing the contract anyway? ““At that time, we had already confirmed our team and were prepared to formally sign the contract, but he was caught up in an accident.” Ye Xiu sighed.” (616) )

damn these are some crazy good accommodations for two orphans and a runaway. it’s like a penthouse suite wth 

this is SUCH a cute shot and a cute touch. i’m gonna complain a bit about how a lot of this pv was already released in earlier stills, but i’m glad they left this shot for us to discover. yx looks like he’s sticking out his tongue, idk what he’s holding in his mouth but it’s very cute

(gross sobbing)

(please don’t let wxf be unreasonably short...)

“Thank you for believing in me” waaaa i always get feels about how they all believe in this kid, still recovering from grief

also why are their shirts white. that’s like happy. ee’s shirts were red like their jackets... aesthetically ig this looks better though

also is this our first look at tx??? (i guess we saw him in some s2 promo poster but still this feels momentous)

why is his hair like this

im UPSET by this scene it doesn’t make any sense!! it’s so inconsistent with yq’s character as it’s been established in the present day. you’d have to do so much handwaving to try and explain this detail in a way that makes sense and is consistent

they’re trying to make this mask thing all special and deep significance but why couldn’t yx have just randomly pulled it out of a pocket

smc’s getting picked up from school? awww. i really liked this scene, it seemed so smoothly animated and natural and so cute. like i’ll forgive smc’s ridiculous age-down for cuteness like this

the lighting... so soft... (and yas the trees with the randomly painted white trunks what a great detail)

sorry this made me laugh it’s just - so big

i’m a huge sucker for pretty clouds i’m so glad they made this a wallpaper

i also really enjoyed the shot of him aiming. im so curious though if this is a pro match? because the way the scenes are cut together... are they gonna have him not die until halfway through the season?? man. i hope this is just an in-game shot. (and who’s the scythe player he’s fighting?)

mmmm cgi keyboard

idk why but hahahahaha oal 

and im free.... free faaaallling.......

(man this shot was hard to get. they’re all blurred.)

nice symbolic shot but also the reach of a spear is SO much longer than an arm...

v interesting!! an exorcist skill? oal in trouble?

suuuper curious how the finals match is gonna play out. also why’s that third chair empty. 

are they gonna have all the team members in the same room for the team fights.... like i understand they need that aesthetic but also... well i guess they’re allowing voice chat anyway, so whatever

i love them

(i really like mercy’s design it’s so cool)

also, bgm is HYPE 

“it’s not the problem of one person” is like the same tone as the single player game quote

3 of them have their eyes closed could they not have been more creative with facial expressions

so royal style does have six players! shame we didn’t get a better shot of them in this pv, we still only have that picture from ccg, but that only showcased 5 of them for some reason. 

just saying, we’ve never seen royal style’s 6th player and yx in the same room...

[gross ugly sobbing] my man.....

(is this him intervening at the end of the first yx/hwq fight??? please.........

she pretty

mercy looks so cooool

the height diff lmao

look at them TT but also where does oal’s shirt/armor end... looks so weird

believe in your teammates for that is the faith of victory T__T

let’s go jiashi let’s go (clap clap clap)

remarkably similar to that one shot in the ova! which i think someone posted about already. 

yx: :3

god i love this music it’s so hype

ll: mada mada dane

but who’s the exorcist in the back?!!?!?!?

can’t wait to see exorcist fight!! 

[more sobbing over og ee]

“ye-dui” T__________T

:’)

whomst

our aggressive spellblade

he looks like he aged 10 years between this and the above shot of him without the face mask

look it’s happy

is there a generic bird cawing sound that all these things use when they need a bird cawing

also who is this character supposed to be? what skill?

alright after writing all this out let’s hope it actually posts!! less to talk about this time i think, but hype intensifies wooot

(i couldn’t tell if wxf was speaking any of the lines.... wish we saw more..... but i will accept this for now)

[i-rove-rock-n-roll]

I just found my writing from elementary school. (Ages 6-10 mostly, though some of this came later)

Such hits as

Raindeer Trouble (corrected by the teacher as Reindeer Trouble) a one page story where Santa’s reindeer are sick, then have a miraculous recovery, all taking place a week before Christmas. I wrote it in either first or second grade, if memory serves me correctly (which I doubt it is)

Monkey Madness-written maybe a year later? Basically there’s this witch that hates the superhero Underdog’s guts (I had just seen the live action movie and loved it) and her plan was to make a super powered monkey to hypnotize to do her bidding. Her end goal was to become world leader and have everyone dress up as scary monsters for Halloween, rather than superheroes and “something else good and sweet”. Whatever that means. Then she started kidnapping people with the monkey’s help and turning them into real monsters. Eventually the monkey starts asking questions, like, “can you carve carnivorous cotton candy into kittys (kitties)?” (Idk wtf that even has to do with the rest of the plot but he gets sulky cause she doesn’t make him a cat at one point) There’s more gems in this one, plus a really wacky fight scene. This one was most definitely second grade, since a few words are in cursive, which I had just started learning. I also remember drawing a “cover” to this one, but idk where it is now.

The next one is Super Horse Heros (Heroes). I basically wrote down the stories my gram used to tell my sister and I when we demanded bedtime stories. An old horse wants a new life, and has to do 3 good deeds before his fairy god horse will turn him into a ‘“unisus” (unicorn/Pegasus combo). After that, the unisus saves a bunch of horses who were kidnapped and shipped to a glue factory. Then they became the Super Horse Heroes, saving children lost in cornfields (aka my sister and I) and flying off into the sunset.

I also found 2 essays in this folder-one about The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, and the other a 12 page paper on the possibility of life elsewhere in the universe which I used to apply to college.

Also a drawing of the Moirae and a spinning wheel that isn’t half bad.

Back to the writing!

Let’s see...a type written version (I used to have a typewriter before SOMEONE broke it one time when I moved) of Reindeer Trouble.

Oh! Here’s a gem! It’s titled: A Bad Toddler Finds a treasure at a popular amusement park. He finds literal treasure, fame, fortune, and an old boot.

The Adventures of Pretzel Man! With a little drawing in the corner. (I used to have a Nabisco pretzel looking doll, that was the inspo) He sells pretzels by day apparently and also fights crime. His enemy in this story is creatively called Taffy Laffy, who turns people into Taffy Zombies, and—

This story is unfinished. WHAT? I was actually wanting to know the end!

Ugh. Anyway, let’s continue

This next one is called Turkey Terror: a turkey’s life from my point of view. Basically this kid gets turned into a turkey (but they still have their own head??) it’s also 2 days before thanksgiving. The turkey kid’s name is apparently Sheldon, who makes friends with a chipmunk named Chippy...who is a total backstabbing liar leading Sheldon to an ambush in a cave, where he gets a bullet to the head, only to wake up and find it was all a dream...

WTF PAST ME?? WHAT—

More drawings in here, terribly proportioned gangster from the 20s...some drawings I did of phantom of the opera (I, uh, copied some drawings I liked by other artists at the time with the sole intention of just sticking them on my wall because i apparently forgot what a printer was)

Drawings of flowers...drawing of my dog’s eyeball for whatever reason...

Heaven or Hell: Gateway to Another World (keep in mind I was going based off of cartoons but I think my complete lack of understanding of religion is why I would up majoring in it)

More writing, some based on the imagery I got from songs I was listening to... one page thing I apparently wrote about the death of Jesus (???) once I had seen and been awestruck by Michaelangelo’s Pieta (on screen unfortunately, I’ve never seen it in person)

A paper with only one line on it saying “Mrs. Jenelle Hartson née Deveroux was always the first to tell anyone she was a crazy old bat”

Okay.

Oh no! Well, not no, but well—

Basically scrap paper bits of To Kill A Mockingbird from Boo Radleys POV. The whole thing would up being like 15 pages and was turned in for a school assignment. I think I scared the teacher with how long it was since he only asked for 2-3 pages. I have the whole thing on here somewhere in all it’s terrible glory if any of you want....

Bingo! Found a bunch from a wip I really liked like, 6-7 years ago! (So early high school) Scientist named Phineas Lancaster develops a way to jump between universes, is being pursued by the government, and winds up running into himself, but a deadbeat version who dropped out of college after a horrible accident. Let’s see what gems are in here....

“Phineas Lancaster, resident bum and professional alcoholic of the sprawling town Rock Falls, woke up feeling as if he had been slammed into by a bus. He hadn’t, but for a minute he’d thought he’d wandered into the middle of 32nd Avenue during Rush hour. Again.”

(Phineas, realizing he was kidnapped by a dude he doesn’t realize is himself from another universe) “His captor smiled at him in what he must have thought was [a] friendly way. Phineas was now more irritated than before when he noticed the flashing white of his captor’s teeth. ‘no way those are real’. He scowled at the man. ‘He looks like he popped out of a freaking toothpaste commercial’ he’d been abducted by a real like infomercial buffoon. Lovely.”

“I love your place.” He hated it. “Very homey.”

“He’s even got a nerdy voice, Janine. I can’t have a nerd for a twin.”

“Say hello to the guy that decided to kidnap me. He had some sort of weird spaz attack and, being the kind and loving soul I am, couldn’t just leave him in the middle of the desert to die. Ergo, he’s here.”

“I got us a lift from a very nice gentleman who is currently searching for Glenn Miller. He gave me his card in case I either found Glenn or if I need another lift, since he’s going to be in town for a few days.”

“I bet you’re a dentist. Dentists are evil.”

(When drunk Phineas not smart phineas is abducted by agents)

“All I wanted to do was stop by the Dollar Store for some Gummy Bears. I just had to get kidnapped again. Yay me, I could set a record.”

“Aaaand cut! Try it again, maybe with some more threatening looks this time, you might make me wet myself if you try hard enough.”

“Gee, i don’t know, I think I was too busy running for my life to ask, ‘I’m sorry, do you want to exchange numbers so we can do this again sometime? Maybe meet for tea?’”

“How ever did you make such a realistic looking doohickey?”

(One Phineas to the other)

“I totally got mom’s humor. You got dad’s shitty ability to make a person die of boredom.”

Road tripping to Golden Earring (and trying not to murder Phineas when he starts singing)

...guess I got a lot of stuff to play with now! Happy early birthday to me!

[dr-gloom]

You’re Scared

Summary: Based off this AMAZING prompt from @britbrodcast​! 

Fandom: Sanders’ Sides

Pairings: Platonic LAMP? what’s it called when Dee’s in it??? Who knows

Words: 4,774

Tags/Warnings: Virgil is spoopy but also a dork so it balances out, Patton is Concerned(tm), I guess this could be considered Sympathetic Deceit?, Idk, But he isn’t a bad snek so, mild swearing, angst, panic attack

Read it on AO3

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((i listened to all of Folie A Deux on repeat while writing this cause that’s like my default Virgil playlist honestly))

It was no secret to Thomas and the other sides that Virgil didn’t exactly get around like them. It’d been proven that he was capable of sinking out, but he always just, as Logan put it, “appeared”. Roman was convinced it was because he was really a Dark Side, but Patton wasn’t having any of that. Virgil was his sweet and sour son and there wasn’t a dark or sinister bone in his body. So no one knew how Virgil did it, or even why, because it wasn’t really asked. Maybe they didn’t mind, or maybe they were scared of the answer. Maybe Virgil really was a Dark Side; if that were true, well, ignorance is bliss. 

Patton was cooking lunch as he hummed along to some song on the small kitchen radio, chopping up some veggies when he turned to grab something and the knife slipped out of his hands and clattered to the floor, making him jump with a yelp. He held a hand to his heart, trying to calm himself as he glanced down at the knife now on the kitchen floor. A voice coming from above him startles him even more.

“Jeez Pat, be more careful. You could’ve seriously hurt yourself.” Patton looks around, confused when he doesn’t see anything. “Up here.” Patton looks up, eyes widening a bit as he spots Virgil on top of the fridge. How had he gotten up there? And how long had he been sitting there? “Oh, hey kiddo! You doin’ okay?” Patton remembered Virgil saying something about sitting in strange places on more... stressful days. Virgil shrugs, seeming to not have considered that. “Yeah, I’m fine. Are you?” Patton makes a small ‘o’ expression and nods. 

“Yep! No knife can hurt this cleaver dad!” He bends over and picks up the vegetable cleaver. Virgil rolls his eyes, swinging his legs to dangle over the side of the fridge. “That pun wasn’t cleaver.” He mutters. Patton giggles, just glad that Virgil is joking along with him. He knows the other is usually a little jumpy, cautious, reluctant to join the other five (the four other sides and Thomas, of course) in any kind of banter or fun-making. “Why don’t you come down from there and help your old man with lunch? Cheese?” 

“That one was just bad.”

“So it wasn’t Gouda.” Patton smiles brightly as Virgil snrks and hops down from the fridge straight to the floor. Patton almost protests - that can’t be good on his knees! - but Virgil seems unaffected. “How long were you sitting up there anyways? You too cool to say hi to your old man?” Patton thinks he hears a mutter of same age before Virgil replies, “I’ve been there the whole time. I just didn’t want to bother you.” Virgil isn’t looking at Patton, but Patton just figures it’s because he’s shy and ‘doesn’t like to be a bother to anyone’. He could never bother Patton! Patton loves his dark strange son. 

“Well gosh kiddo you know you can talk to me whenever! I love our talks.” He grins at the other as he gets a new, clean knife and Virgil moves the cut up veggies to the waiting pan. “I guess... You’re good, though?” Virgil glances over at Patton through his bangs, and Patton’s smile softens. “I’m okay. Thanks kiddo.”

Logan sits in his usual spot at the end of the couch, reading a book while the TV plays on in the background. Roman had started some sci-fi horror film, leaving part-way through when he was stricken with a sudden idea. Of course, this often happened, so Logan didn’t mind the background noise that was more like a quiet static underneath his focus. Judging by the music and increased screaming, Logan would venture a guess that the movie was nearing the climax. He turned the page, further tuning out the movie as he became immersed in the world of Mr. Heathcliff at Wuthering Heights. 

He made it through nearly half of the book before his focus waned again, the sounds of someone - most likely Roman - coming down the hall caught his attention. His suspicions were proven correct when the princely figure plopped down on the opposite end of the couch and picked up the remote, seamlessly putting on another movie without a second’s thought. It goes through the ads, and the dreaded THX sound blares out of the speakers. Logan jumps, dropping his book, looking around. Roman looks just as startled, despite being the one who put the movie on, and mutters an apology. Virgil sits on the back of the couch (when did he get here???) and leans down, snatching the remote from Roman and quickly turning it down. 

“Seriously Princey, you’re going to make us all deaf.”

Roman and Virgil launch into a fit of banter as Logan watches them silently, now feeling calmer and thinking to himself. How odd; he was certain Virgil was in his room just a moment ago. He obviously knew of Virgil’s penchant for Appearing(tm) places, but he almost always walks around like the rest of them when in the Mind Palace. So why Appear(tm) now? They weren’t in any imminent danger. Logan thought of asking, but with how cryptic and vague Virgil tended to be, he doubted he’d get a real answer. Virgil turns to look at Logan, eyebrow raised. “What?” Logan blinks. “Ah, it’s nothing. You just startled me with your appearance, that’s all.”

“Yeah, Edgar Allen Woe, quit popping up like that! It’s so rude.” 

Virgil tenses slightly, and if Logan hadn’t been studying him so closely he knows he would have missed it. “Maybe the valiant prince should learn to keep his guard up if he wants to be good at protecting people.” Roman opens his mouth to quip back when Logan cuts him off. “Now Virgil, you know that’s absurd; you’re the protector of the five of us. Well, I suppose Deceit is as well to some degree, but your role presents in a more physical aspect.” Virgil blows a puff of air and shrugs, slinking off the couch and heading back to the hallway.

“Hold on, Wizard of Odd, watch a movie with us. You’ve been in your room all day.” 

Virgil pauses and looks between the two sides before shrugging just slightly and sitting between Roman and Logan, with a comfortable distance between each. Roman and Logan share a look before they both move to sit so there’s only a few inches of space between each side, Roman grinning satisfactorily and grabbing the remote to put on Big Hero 6 - something all three of them enjoy. Logan isn’t one for physical contact, but he knows that Virgil can be when he’s in the right mood and yet will never ask for it, so he’s more than happy to nudge the boundaries of his comfort zone to help him out. As the movie starts though, Logan’s mind wanders over the information he’d gathered while observing the anxious side. Now to figure out what it all meant...

Dee rarely had the commons to himself. Since his appearance in Can Lying Be Good? the others have... sort of accepted him into the fold. They’re still a bit on edge around him, for obvious reasons, but he can tell they’re trying. And it’s appreciated, really, but it can be... tense, and exhausting. So he tends to stay away unless it’s famILY meal time, as Patton puts it, or if only one sides is in the room. He can deal with any of them on their own, but two or more of them and the atmosphere became too muddled. Too conflicted. 

So Dee preferred these times on his own, knowing that Roman had taken Patton into his strange fantasy realm and that Logan was off somewhere, categorizing memories or... something. He can’t remember. He knew Virgil tended to keep to his room as well, and honestly he wouldn’t mind if the other came to join him either way, so he settled onto the couch and turned the TV on. After a while, he decided to settle on some children’s show Thomas ha been getting into, Duck Tales. Honestly (ha, honestly), Dee didn’t see the appeal, but since he was part of Thomas an this strange famILY, he figured he might as well try. 

He thinks back to the day he revealed himself to Thomas, his mouth quirking to the side. That.... could have gone worse. But it could have gone better, too. He had been trying to help Thomas, that’s always his intention, but even he could see that there was a better way to do so. How was Thomas supposed to trust anything he said if he went around pretending to be someone else, both physically when he looked like Patton and characteristically when he acted the part of the bad guy. 

But it had gone so well for Virgil.

“Half-truth.” Even Dee got caught in his lies sometimes; he had to remind himself of when he was actually lying, and what the truth meant. Sure, Virgil had essentially done the same as Dee, but the other had eventually started to act more like himself around the other sides and began building relationships. The others actually started trusting Virgil and liking him. But Dee? They didn’t know much about him, they had few interactions with him, so how could they possibly feel the same for him as they do about Virgil, who’s been around for years? 

I need them to like me.

“Lie.” He didn’t need their approval to do his job, or even exist. His existence up to this point was proof of that. 

I want them to like me.

“Why?” He was aware he was talking to himself in the middle of the living room, but he honestly didn’t care; it’s not like anyone could hear him.

Because I’m lonely.

Dee’s brow furrowed. “Truth...” And it was. It scared him, but it was true. He’d never admit out loud how he felt, but the feeling was as old and familiar to him as lying itself. Before, he hadn’t paid any mind to it; he’d contented himself on performing to his best, keeping Thomas’ relationships afloat and keeping everyone happy. He lived vicariously through Thomas’ interactions with his friends, found happiness and peace in their laughter and their smiles and their shared jokes. That’s why he fought so hard to keep it that way.

But now? Now he had something to draw his focus, something he could lose. As fragile as it was, he had some sort of relationship with the other sides now and he couldn’t mess it up. If he had to go back to Thomas’ subconscious, alone...

I’m scared. 

“Hi scared, I’m Virgil.” Dee jumped, falling off the couch. He laid on his back in shock, staring up at Virgil who was hanging upside down from the spinning ceiling fan, legs spread as they were each hooked over separate wings. His hair dangled in the air, giving a rare sight of his whole face. Virgil sighed as the fan spun him until his back was facing Dee. “Of all the places...” He comes back around. “You okay, Dee?” Dee stares up at him, sitting up slowly and watching him spin around lazily. 

“How did you-?” 

Virgil smirks slightly, but it doesn’t look snarky or menacing. “I’m anxiety, I know fear. If you’re so scared of being alone, try being yourself.” Dee scoffs lightly. “It’s very easy.” Virgil frowns slightly, brushing a hand through his hair (which does nothing, he’s upside down). “Try taking them to your room.” Dee’s room was one of the very few places he could actually speak the truth without his words being twisted without his consent. He rubs his face with a sigh. “They’ll believe me. I never lie.” Virgil hums as he’s spun away again, answering as he’s brought back to face Dee. “I could come with you. They know that I know you, and they trust me, I could convince them if they don’t believe you.” 

Dee watches Virgil spin around one more time before speaking up. “Why are you up there?” He found out long ago that questions are something he can speak without them being twisted. Virgil shrugs, which looks a bit strange upside down. “You know how this works just as well as I do, Dee. When someone-” 

“Yes, yes. I don’t mean... Why are you still up there? Don’t come down.” Virgil looks at Dee’s face for a moment before curling up to grip the fan, then maneuvering his legs so he was danging upright. He lets go of the fan and lands on his feet in front of Dee, offering him a hand. “Come on, Princey and Patton should be back soon, we can do this together.” 

Dee nods, taking Virgil’s hand and standing up. 

Roman panted loudly as he ran, feet pounding on the solid Earth beneath him, causing small puffs of dust to rise and trail behind him. He was sweating; it was hot out and he’d been running for a good ten minutes, with the monster never showing a sign of faltering or tiring. He curses under his breath as his empty scabbard hits the back of his thigh with every other step. If he hadn’t lost his sword... 

The monster roars, the sound loud and cacophonous, making birds in the surrounding field take off in flight. Roman feels his heart leap as he pushes on past his growing fatigue, trying to remember where he put the door. He runs until he sees the local village, and makes a beeline for it. The door wasn’t far from the other side of the village, he was almost there. Roman stumbles, almost falling and regaining his footing and just barely escaping the monster’s claws. It roars in anger again, gnashing it’s teeth. Roman spares a glance over his shoulder as he nears the edge of the village, paling at the sight of the monster gaining on him. He runs through the streets, calling at the villagers to turn and run as the monster comes thundering after him, carelessly crushing stalls underfoot and ramming into buildings as it passed. Roman swallows around the lump in his throat, his heartbeat deafening his ears, his legs complaining from being pushed so far for so long. 

Roman looks over his shoulder at the monster once again, not seeing the cart in front of him and crashing into it with the right side of his body, sending him sprawling to the ground. He halts himself with his hands, getting to his hands and knees just as a shadow blocks out the sun overhead. 

Roman rolls to sit, resting back on his hands, eyes wide, hair and clothes disheveled, staring up at the monster looming over him, snarling. It’s breath is hot, and reeks of decaying flesh. Roman gags, his heart thundering in his chest and his arms shaking. He feels along the ground for something, anything, as he refuses to look away from the beast. Oh god, he’s going to die. This thing is going to kill him and Thomas will never have an idea ever again and Patton will cry and Virgil will never leave his room and Logan will- 

There’s a familiar scream as the monster goes in for the attack, and Roman looks over to see... Virgil? No, not just that..

Virgil.

Stuck in a stone wall.

Looking absolutely terrified as he watches Roman just lay there as this monster-

Roman tears his gaze away long enough to roll to the side, just missing the jaw of the beast and jumping to his feet, running to Virgil. 

“Virge! What are you-? How did you even-?” Virgil looks like he’d been falling through the wall when it decided to solidify around him; his left arm is encased in stone almost up to the elbow as well as half of his right hand. His left leg is almost completely in stone, the upper half of his thigh the only denim showing. His right leg is free though, dangling at an odd angle due to Virgil being several inches above the ground. Even some of his hair seems to be caught in the stone, keeping him from moving his head too much. 

Virgil isn’t looking at Roman though; his terrified gaze is locked on the monster behind him, clawing at the ground and getting ready to charge. Virgil’s breathing is shallow and uneven, and what Roman can see of him is trembling like a leaf. “R-Roman-!” Virgil screams again as the monster charges, and Roman spins around, summoning his sword just in time to bring it up and block the monster’s claws, pushing it back a step. It roars and Virgil’s breathing does something funny. Shit, Roman needs to end this soon and help him out.

Roman goes on the offensive now, attacking the monster with a vengeance. He can’t let this thing defeat him or hurt Virgil! He cuts the monster’s arm, blood gushing from the deep wound as it screams and rears back on it’s hind legs, then comes down on Roman. Roman runs toward it, sliding down to his knees as the front paws near the ground, and brings his sword up to stab into the monster’s stomach, cutting it open as he slides to a halt. Blood covers both him and the Earth around him, and he squeezes his eyes shut, clamping his jaw. Monster blood, eugh. 

Roman takes a moment to just sit there, catching his breath and letting the tremors leave his body before he stands and tries to wipe some of the blood from his face. He turns to look at Virgil, large grin dying on his face as soon as he takes in the other’s appearance. 

Virgil is an absolute mess. He’s shaking uncontrollably, sobbing loudly as tears race down his cheeks, his breathing quick and panicked, eyes wide, staring right at Roman. Roman frowns with concern and raises a hand, taking a couple steps closer, but when Virgil’s breathing gets worse he stops. Shit, what is he supposed to do now? His friend is literally stuck in a wall and having a panic attack and Roman is covered in-

He wants to slap himself for being so stupid. He snaps his fingers instead, and instantly all the blood is gone, along with the monster’s corpse. Roman holds both hands up placatingly as he slowly, so slowly, moves closer to Virgil. Virgil tries to speak, but with how hard he’s crying and how much he’s panicking he can’t form a coherent sound, much less a sentence. Roman gently shushes him and rests a hand on Virgil’s shoulder, squeezing lightly. “It’s alright, Virge. It’s okay. The monster’s gone, it can’t hurt you or me. You’re safe. Everyone’s safe. We’re okay. Just breathe.” Roman stumbles through Virgil’s breathing exercise a few times until Virgil is mostly calmed down, now just crying softly with the occasional soft whimper. “there you go, you’re doing great, Virge. Everything’s okay. We’re safe. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

Roman feels the stone wall, frowning slightly. It certainly feels like solid stone, so then how did Virgil..? “Virge? How did you get here?” 

Virgil sniffs and looks at his arm poking out from the stone. “I-” No use in hiding it now, “When people- sides- experience fear, if I’m too distracted to filter it out, it summons me. You... You were scared...” Realization dawns on Roman’s face and he sighs softly. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this, Virge. I’m sorry I scared you.” Virgil shakes his head. “You didn’t know. Besides, you can’t help how you feel.” Roman hums and raps his knuckles on the stone. “How are we supposed to get you out of this?” 

Virgil actually looks embarrassed. “I... I can’t sink out like this.” Roman just looks at him. “You mean...”

“Yeah.”

“Poseidon’s trident. Alright, I’ll go... recruit some help.”

It took nearly three hours for Roman and the village men to chip away at the wall enough to free Virgil, and the entire time the anxious side had been tense, flinching any time a pick came too close for comfort. Roman had been there to reassure him, and once they freed his leg, Roman helped him to the ground. As they were walking toward the other end of the village, to the door leading back to the Mind Palace, Roman spoke. “This is going to make such an epic tale!” Virgil just snrks and shakes his head, earning a quizzical look from Roman. “What?”

“No one will ever believe you.”

((lol did you think we were done?))

On one of Thomas’ rare days off - no videos to make, no plans with friends, no need to visit the store, not even a phone call to be made - all five of the sides were relaxing with Thomas in his apartment. Roman and Patton were playing some old video game on the TV, Logan was reading at the table, and Dee was laying across the other end of the couch, his head in Thomas’ lap and Thomas’ hand carding though his hair. Thomas sighs happily as he closes his eyes, listening to Roman and Patton shout and jeer and make a general ruckus, the occasional page flipping from Logan, and Dee’s soft relaxed breathing. Virgil was around here somewhere... Thomas was honestly bummed that the anxious side hadn’t wanted to hang out with them; even Dee was  trying to get past his discomfort to spend some time with all of them! But he supposed it couldn’t be helped. Virgil was anxiety, Thomas was sure some social settings just weren’t his thing. 

Patton and Roman finished their game and suggested a movie, to which everyone agreed happily. Thomas stood as Dee sat up, making his way over to the TV and looking through his DVDs, grabbing Toy Story and popping it int he DVD player and sitting next to Dee again. The five of them got comfortable as the movie started, Thomas wishing for the dozenth time that day that Virgil felt comfortable enough to be here with them. 

Twenty minutes into the movie, Thomas starts feeling a fluttering of nervousness in his chest. This confuses him, because he doesn’t have any reason to be anxious or scared right now. No one’s arguing, he doesn’t have any deadlines approaching, the movie isn’t even scary. And yet... 

Thirty minutes into the movie and Thomas is feeling anxious. He fidgets, unable to focus on one thing, eyes darting around a bit as his heart starts to speed up. He does the breathing exercise Virgil taught him, and keeps doing it because it doesn’t seem to be working. He hopes his sides don’t notice; he doesn’t want to worry them unnecessarily. 

Forty-five minutes in and Thomas is verging on a panic attack. His heart is beating too fast, and his mind is racing too much for him to even figure out what he’s panicking about. His chest feels tight, and he feels light-headed. He slowly and gently slips his hand into Dee’s and squeezes lightly. Dee glances at him, frowns, and squeezes back. Thomas doesn’t answer his questioning look. He doesn’t know what’s wrong either. 

Fifty minutes in and Thomas is openly having a panic attack. Patton pauses the movie, face etched in concern, and crouches in front of Thomas. Roman sits on his other side, taking his free hand and rubbing his thumb over the back of Thomas’ hand. Logan puts a hand on his shoulder, reassuring him that everything’s okay, he’s safe. But Thomas knows he’s safe, he knows everything’s fine, he just doesn’t know why he’s panicking and that’s freaking him out even more and that panic leads to more panic and- 

“V-Virgil-” Thomas gets out, and Patton nods, standing and heading for the stairs. He’s not even on the third step when Virgil appears. 

Except he doesn’t just appear. He falls into the room. Through the ceiling. As soon as his head pops out he’s screaming, black eye shadow streaked down his face - just like Thomas thought, he’d been panicking too. Virgil is screaming, terrified out of his mind. He stops falling, which confuses Thomas and seems to scare Virgil even more, because now he’s hanging from the ceiling by one ankle, his other limbs akimbo. His face is covered in running makeup, his clothes are rumpled, and he’s crying uncontrollably, screaming every time he moves and it causes him to sway a bit. 

In an instant, Patton is moving to stand right below him, trying to calm him down while stretching to reach him. Logan rushes to the dining area, grabbing a chair and bringing it over. Patton doesn’t hesitate to climb on top of it, cupping Virgil’s cheeks and petting his hair, trying to support his head and keep him from moving too much. Dee fidgets beside a stunned Thomas; he wants to help, but he doesn’t know how he can. He can’t reassure Virgil because he can only speak in lies. He’s honestly a little freaked out because he’s never seen this happen before. That is, he’s never seen Virgil come plummeting through the ceiling. Logan goes and grabs two more chairs, both soon occupied by himself and Roman, who are both trying to help Patton calm Virgil down and support his weight so he doesn’t feel like he’s dangling by a foot. 

Logan turns to the two remaining Sanders on the couch. “Please do try to calm down, he can’t calm down if you’re panicking.” Dee bites his tongue and nods, taking a deep breath and forcing himself to calm down. Thomas does the same and the two of them watch as the other three slowly calm Virgil. It feels like hours before he stops screaming and crying, but he never stops shaking. Patton and Roman stay on the chairs, petting Virgil’s hair and keeping his head propped up, gently stroking his cheeks, shoulders, chest, anything to ground him. 

“We need to devise a way to free Virgil’s foot from the ah... Ceiling.” Thomas looks from Virgil to Logan, now standing in front of him. “How? Do we need to... Break it?” Virgil makes a panicked sound and Thomas clarifies. “The ceiling! Not your foot, oh god Virgil, not your foot.” Patton shushes Virgil gently and Roman speaks up. 

“Yeah, we’ll have to free his foot manually. He can’t sink out when he’s like this.” Thomas hums with concern, trying to think if he has anything that can help. 

“Oh!” He runs off, shooting up the stairs and coming back a moment later with a toolbox. Logan’s face lights up in recognition. “We will have to be very careful-” He lowers his voice, “or we may injure Virgil.” Thomas nods and sets the toolbox on the couch, taking out the two hammers sitting within and handing them to Logan. Logan takes them and holds one out to Dee. “I require your assistance.” 

Dee’s eyes widen. “Me?” Logan nods. “The other two will be preoccupied with keeping Virgil calm. It will only take longer if I do it by myself.” Dee nods nervously and grabs another chair, getting on it along with Logan on his chair and he glances at Virgil. “We... We will get you out soon.” He makes eye contact with Virgil, who nods shakily. Dee can tell the truth, if he tries hard enough, but it takes a lot of effort, so he saves it for important moments. Dee and Logan slowly start hammering at the plaster, and when Virgil whimpers Patton and Roman talk to him to distract him. As the ceiling around Virgil’s foot is broken away, Patton and Roman slowly start supporting more and more of Virgil’s weight. Once his foot is finally free, Logan and Dee slowly and gently lower his legs. Once he’s upright, he clings tightly to Patton, trembling uncontrollably. Patton holds onto Virgil protectively, one hand on the back of Virgil’s head. The others get down and put the chairs back, and Logan starts vacuuming up the mess as Patton and Virgil finally get down. Virgil refuses to let go of Patton as they sit on the couch, and Thomas immediately moves to Virgil’s free side and hugs him as well. 

Once everything’s cleaned and put away, the other sides join them on the couch, Logan next to Patton and Roman next to Thomas, with Dee spread out across everyone’s laps. Virgil intertwines his fingers with Dee’s as Roman puts on the Black Cauldron. Virgil falls asleep soon after. 

A/N: The Dee part is my favorite. I haven’t had a chance to write him (aside from one fic where he’s an abusive ass) and I’ve had all these ideas buzzing in my head so I just had to do it. Plus, when I thought “what would scare Dee?” I instantly thought “the truth”. But it’d have to be a truth Dee was at least semi-unaware of; something that he didn’t recognize or dwell on, because he’d be admitting to something he’d rather not acknowledge. So it was part me-wanting-to-analyze and part can’t-rush-the-fear-factor. This was SOOOOO much fun to write!

[hecalledmekrystal-blog]

Lolita

Good evening to anyone and anyone who happened to stumble across my blog. If you don’t enjoy reading about fucked up stories of persona trauma, maybe you should move to the next blog. However, if you find reading about someones personal hurdles, their road to recovery, and learning self love helpful to your own journey, then maybe this place is for you. I welcome you with open arms. 

It’s currently 3:19am. the last time I was on tumblr, was probably close to 4 years ago to go on and check out my old page with some friends. tumblr was one of my top social media sites as a teenager, however, I slowly grew out of it. But, as I just sat in bed, closing my laptop after completing the movie “Lolita” in bed, I needed to write. I am not sure if i want to type about my own Lolita experience, of if i just want to ramble on to the infinite void that the internet has to offer me. I guess me and you are both in for a surprise. 

If you’re not familiar with the movie, let me give you a quick summary. This dude is, idk , say in his 30s? And the movie opens up with this dude narrating about the time he was 14 years old, met a female 14 year old, and they fell in young sweet love. sounds lovely right? meh . not so much. sooooo, then buddy goes on to explain how this girl died, which froze something in his brain, making him still emotionally and sexually attracted to that of a 14 year old. yup. soooo, jump to present day where i think its based on somewhere in the 30′s? dude meets this chick, hes renting a room out of her house while trying to write this textbook he has been working on ( he is a professor) , he then spots eyes on 13 year old Delores. He is immediately memorized by this innocent young girl, so full of youth lounging in the sprinkler, chewing her gum, flipping a magazine, all before flashing dude with her kiddish smile that hold a retainer. At this moment, dude names her, his Lolita. So dude man pretends to be in love with Delores's mother, so that he can stay close to Delores.Delores clings to the love and attention she gets from this man, running into the house to jump on him and give him a long, deep, romantic kiss on the lips before her mother ships her off to summer camp.  Mother then dies, he goes to pick Delores up from summer camp, hides the fact that Lolita’s mother is dead. Delores is over joyed to see him, and begins to straddle him in the pulled over vehicle kissing him deeply. in case you forgot, yes she is 14 and dude man is in his 30s or some shit. soooo long story short, this movie follows the “love story” of a perverted, ill man, who falls in love and manipulates a young child. 

wow, talk about a run on paragraph, my gr.12 English teacher would NOT appreciate that paragraph...or the amount of sentences starting with a lower case letter. Whatever, that’s not the point. The point is, is that I don’t have a point, at least not one that is very sharp and polished yet. 

ENTER me. little 12 year old Krystal. were going to go with Krystal for now, and you will understand later on. At 12 years old, I met a girl, who we will call...Katelyn. I met Katelyn at a youth center in our small town. Im unsure of how many times we had hungout/played together before I met her father. Stal. Katelyn invited me over to her house, i believe via MSN (those were the days eh ). I still remember the first time I saw him, branded into my memory forever. I knocked on the front door of their small townhouse behind the highschool. “COME IN!” I hear yelled, I open the door. Katelyn is laying on the couch, stomach down, as her father sitting on her back jumping up and down, play wrestling. A couple of other kids were running around unkept house as a lady sat at the kitchen table with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, while staring at the aged laptop on the kitchen table. I later come to find out, the lasy was Stal’s fiance/girlfriend, and the children running around were their kids and their kids friends. 

back to the moment i saw him first tho, as i opened the doors, his eyes locked into mine, with a big smile on his face. “HELLO!”, yelled this man, with the energy of a 13 year old who had just spent all of their allowance at the corner store on penny candies. This man was very slim build, but not overly tall, maybe 5′7 -5′8. Long scraggy brown hair, wore tan cargo styled shorts, a black tank top, wore a brace on his right arm, a old beat up spalding baseball cap, and tattoos on most limbs. I will come to find out later in life, that this is the look that he sports 70% of the time, the rest of the time, the only article of clothing usually swapped, would be for a dark fitted pair of jeans (or the odd maybe 2 pairs of light washed) with black steal toed boots. on occasion he would wear that purple football jersey (i never followed football, but i knew it was his favourite team) , vikings maybe? who knows, who cares. But one thing, in the moment that our eyes locked, that i didn’t know. was that this moment was one of the biggest moments of my life. this moment dictated almost every decision, downfall, mistake, trauma, bittersweet memory, thought, opinion, for the rest of my life. at least until now. if i knew then, what I knew now, I would have turned my back to that man, and walked right out of that door. it would’t have even been a memory.

sorry if i’m loosing you, and i haven't gotten to the real juicy stuff yet. however, you need to understand, that in everyone's story, but may be important to them, may sound like annoying details that could have been blown over. 

IF i jumped right in and started this off with “so when I was 13, my friends dad who was in his 30s started fucking me, convinced and manipulated me that we were in love, all the while psychologically abusing me, alll the while doing this to another girl, same age, same time” .... THAT probably would have caught your attention a whole lot more, but, unfortunately for you, my patient reader, my story is more than just one run on sentence, it is 4 years of my life that I will never get back, it was four years of me truly believing that I was in love. if was four years of me lying to my friends and family, dissociating myself from friends, losing out on a preteen/teenage years, loosing my self confidence, losing my autonomy. it was 4 years that, I thought would ruin my entire life. however, it has been 7 years since this has all ended. I have recently started pressing charges against the man i once thought I would marry, i have an amazing career, an unreal support system within my friends and family. and I can say, that I fucking made it, in spite of him. 

don’t get me wrong, I have some really bad days, I do therapy, im on anti depressants, I have struggled with an eating disorder and with self mutilation. it has NOT been an easy road, and I know its still going to continue to be a rough road. but it is a road that I am slowly paving over, you can still feel some of the cracks in the foundation, but your car runs a little bit smoother on it.  I understand that my story is a little bit different, and i wish i had heard a simular one at the time to realized that what was going on, was actually abuse, and not love.

So, if i have kept you reading until here, perfect ! I am unsure of how often i will be posting, but i do have a slight idea of what it may look like. you may be rambled on posts like these, either explaining a memory i have with him, or continuing the story of Krystal and Stal, or it may be a large poem, it may only be a few sentences of of poem.  it will essentially just be, whatever the fuck is going on in my head, with the hopes that maybe somehow, someone out there can relate, and help you through a tough time as well. I know it is therapeutic to me, i can only hope it is to you as well.