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#if i can do anything to help inform people
hairmetal666 · 22 hours
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Steve has done interviews before. Like, a lot of interviews. YouTube, podcasts, print, TV stuff. Not as a brag, or anything, just. He's been an influencer for a long time, for better or worse, and it's part of the deal.
Usually, he's comfortable in front of the camera. Usually, he's poised and well-spoken. But today, this time, sweat pools under his arms and beads along his hairline, the lights beating down on him in a harsh glare.
"Steve Harrington," Murray Bauman crosses his legs, smiles big for the cameras. "It's been a while."
He smiles too, tries to seem like he's not about to have a panic attack. "I've been a little busy."
Murray laughs and it's then that Steve understands how screwed he really is. Murray's show, it's all glitz and glamour on the surface; mixed drinks and hijinks until the celebrity guests lose their inhibitions, admitting things they probably wanted to keep secret.
It's just that, before, Steve didn't have any salacious rumors to worry about, and now--
"You've had a rough year, Steve, yeah?"
"Not my best, for sure." He leans back, tries to seem calm, unbothered.
"I was sorry to hear about your divorce. I think that announcement really took a lot of people by surprise."
His hands clench, but he manages not to shift or bounce his leg. "Thanks for, uh. Yeah. We were also sorry it didn't work out."
Murray nods, face full of sympathy. "You and Nancy, you'd been together since high school? That's almost--what? 15 years?"
"It's--" he clears his throat. "About that long." Steve takes a sip of the drink next to him, an apple martini that's both too sweet and too strong.
"Am I right to assume that you didn't see it coming?"
And isn't that a question? Sure, now in hindsight, he can see the fractures that lead to the end, but six months ago did he--it's all so--what if all along--
"All marriages have rough patches," is what he says. "We just couldn't come out of ours as a couple."
"Do you know what I've found really remarkable about this phase of your life? The content and tone of your videos in the midst of the maelstrom of rumors and gossip didn't change at all. 'Your kids' as you call them, are still as bright and vibrant as ever. You're laughing, dancing, cooking, having a great time."
"I needed that--that normalcy you know? And the kids, they're such an important part of my life, having them around helped."
"Including Nancy's brother, Mike?"
Steve laughs and it's not fake. "Totally including Mike. My relationship with Nancy has nothing to do with my relationship with him."
"He's kind of an antagonist--would you say?--in your videos, though."
"We have conflict sometimes, but it's never serious. We know how to play it up for laughs."
"So, nothing's changed between you?"
"Not at all."
"The cheating rumors." Murray's smile is soft, but all the air still leaves the room.
"What about them?" It's more combative than he means, but--
"Did Nancy cheat on you with Jonathan Byers?"
He swallows and it hurts. She did cheat, is the thing. It's not public information, still only speculation, but--
"You can't believe everything you read, Murray."
"So, she didn't cheat?" There's a glow to Murray's eyes that tells Steve he already knows the answer.
"Like, I said before, marriages are hard. We spent a lot of time apart because of our jobs. It took a toll."
"And she was traveling with Jonathan, yes? He's been her photographer for the past decade, from what I understand."
"They were co-workers, but we're all close. And those rumors didn't help our relationship, for sure. It's--not easy to hear that a bunch of people think your wife and close friend may be having an affair, that people 'ship' them. Even when it's not true, it creates--"
"Tension? Distrust?"
"Both, probably." He takes another drink as he nods. "After a while you do start to wonder if there's truth to it, and you're too ignorant or too--too trusting to see it."
"And it eroded the relationship."
"It certainly didn't help." He takes another drink.
"And how about your relationship with Jonathan's brother, Will. Has that been impacted?"
"Of course not. Never. Whatever happens between Nancy, Jonathan, and I, it has nothing to do with the kids. They know that.
"You talked about it."
"Yes. Extensively."
"I know there's often speculation on the relationship you have with them; if you're really close or it's all for the cameras."
"Murray." He leans forward. "We've talked about this before. I met Dustin through Mike, and the whole group followed. I've known them all since they were 8 years old. They're--I mean, not to be cliche, but they're my family." He sips the last bit of martini.
"And where does Eddie Munson fit into that family?"
The question shouldn't be a surprise, but he almost does a spit take, has to fight to keep it together.
"Eddie?"
"Yes." Murray's smile is chilling. "Your close friend Eddie Munson. Musician. Plays Dungeons and Dragons on YouTube. You made out with him in a music video. Ringing any bells?"
"I'm familiar with Eddie," his grin is rigid. "I don't know what that has to do with my marriage ending."
"Well, the rumors weren't all about Nancy, were they?"
"Eddie and I have--we became mutuals online years and years ago. I used one of his songs in a video and the kids are obsessed with his dnd stuff, so. We've become close."
"Friends?"
"Isn't that implied?"
"After that music video, I don't think so."
Steve rolls his eyes, lets the irritation show for the first time. "He asked me to be in his video. There's nothing scandalous about it."
"What's your relationship with Eddie right now?"
"Like I said, friends."
"Do you want it to be more than that?"
"Eddie's really important to me."
"Is that all?"
"Not really sure what you want me to say here, Murray."
"You were married to a woman for years, but now there are questions about your sexuality."
He grits his teeth. "My sexuality isn't anyone's business aside my own. People can say shit on Twitter all they want, that doesn't mean they know me. But--the end of my marriage--it definitely gave me the space for self-discovery, I guess? In a way I hadn't had before."
"And is Eddie a part of that self-discovery?"
"Yeah, as one of my closest friends, he is."
"Do you have feelings for him?"
"That's--that's not--I'm going through a divorce. My focus isn't on starting another relationship right now."
"You, famously, tattooed your initials on the inside of his thigh during an Instagram live. That's pretty intimate."
"We were just having a little fun."
"Huh. That seems like more than 'a little fun' to me. So, how's Eddie doing with the increased attention?"
It takes Steve a second to track the change of subject, mind still stuck on the tattoo, on how the ink had looked on Eddie's pale skin.
"It's hard." Steve eventually answers. "Of course he enjoys bringing his music and dnd to a wider audience, but the focus on his personal life is--it's a lot."
"Well, he should have thought about before letting you tattoo him for your 850,000 followers. Does he want a relationship with you?"
His throat is dry, burning, he wishes he had more martini. He wishes he'd never taken a sip. "You'd have to ask him. I'm just taking it day by day, you know? That's what I need right now."
"We're getting to the end of our time, but you know I have to ask. Your best friend, Robin Buckley, she very famously unfollowed both Nancy and Jonathan on all social media when news broke about your divorce. Can you tell us why she unfollowed them?"
"I have no control over Robin's accounts. I didn't even know she followed Jonathan ever, and she and Nancy have a relationship outside of me, you know? I can't say what happened between them."
"She's been in your videos with Eddie. She like him?"
"Very much. It's kind of annoying actually. They keep ganging up on me."
"Much to everyone's delight, I'm sure. So, what can we expect from the newly single Steve Harrington?"
"There are a couple things in the works, but only time will tell."
---
He walks through his front door an hour later, and Eddie's sitting on the couch, playing a soft melody on an acoustic guitar. He stops when he sees Steve, setting the guitar aside, and standing.
"How'd it go, baby?" He asks. His soft smile is so beautiful, Steve gets a lump in his throat.
"As expected." He crosses the space between them, lets Eddie pull him close.
"He ask about us?" Eddie's breath tickles his ear.
"Of course."
"And you--"
"I want--it should be just for us. We should be able to announce when we're ready. Not when Murray-fucking-Bauman asks."
Eddie kisses him, then, sweet and slow, making him lose his breath.
"Whenever you're ready, I'll be right by your side."
"You sure? All my mess--"
"Is mine too. Afraid you're stuck with me for the long haul, Steve Harrington."
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cosmonauter · 1 day
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ahh, i hope you like it @liv-does-stuff !!
bestfriend james who has no boundaries with you!!
james potter thinks you are the best friend he's ever had. normally people tell him that he's too clingy, and they don't like him hanging around them all the time. and it's not a problem for him, but he just wants someone to let him hug and touch without being awkward about it.
so when you two met, he felt like the luckiest person on earth because you don't think it's weird when he hugs you from behind and kisses the top of your head.
you don't judge him for demanding cuddles and sleepovers at least two times a week. you even encourage him to be touchier!
his favourite thing to do with you is bathing together. since he's a headboy, he has unlimited access to the prefect's bathroom, which means that the two of you bathe together as often as possible.
he's especially excited to meet you today because he was informed about a new couple in school, and he really wants to gossip about it with you!
so while he is cleaning his bed of sirius' socks and peter's sweets, because you're sleeping over today, sirius decides to ask him a question, "are you meeting up with them again? don't you think it's a little weird that you guys bath at the same time in the same room, even though you're 'just friends'?"
"why would it be weird? they wash my back and i condition their hair for them. it's logical and they don't mind it aswell. it's actually really nice, and besides, don't act as if remus and you don't shower together!"
remus sighs, "james, sirius and i are in a relationship with eachother. aside from that, i totally agree with pads, it is weird that you take baths together. what's even weirder is you touching while being in said bath!"
"you guys just don't have the connection that my dove and i have. it's okay though, don't be sad about it! maybe one day you'll reach the same trust we have in each other.", james throws a towel over one shoulder and picks out a shirt for you to wear, and matching pants, so everyone you come across in the halls knows about your superior friendship (and that you're his, but he wouldn't admit that to anyone, not even under torture).
"i'm going to the bath, padfoot don't eat anything on my bed, my dove complained about the crumbs last time, and i promised them to change that! they're sleeping with me today. bye bye!"
he closes the door before any of them can say anything and runs to the bathroom as fast as he can.
-
as soon as he arrives in the prefect bathroom, he already sees you taking off your clothes.
while you are struggling with unzipping your pants, he comes up behind you and grabs your waist, pulling you into an embrace. your naked back against his broad chest sends electric shocks down his body and he shivers against you and presses your body closer to his.
"jamie, can you help me with my zipper? it isn't moving any further and i can't get out of my pants like that."
james would do anything for you, if you never stopped looking at him with those puppy-eyes, "of course, sweetheart. stay still."
he moves his hand away for a moment to turn your body facing his. while his one hand moves towards your zipper, the other one steadying your body by holding your hip, he grins at you and you smile back up at him.
he tugs a few times, but the pants don't budge. you notice his forehead getting sweatier, so you suggest to "take off your shirt jamie, it's to hot in here for you to be wearing it!" while tugging it up his back a little.
he pulls it off and throws it to the side, giving you a grin, "if you wanted me naked, darling, you just had to ask."
you scrunch your brows together, "if i wanted you naked, you would already be.". he snorts, and keeps tugging at your jeans.
suddenly an idea blossoms in his head. what if your zipper got stuck on something from the inside of your pants. so, of course, he sticks his hand down your pants to find a little string, connected to your underwear, being held hostage by said zipper.
"darling, you just have to pull your trousers down together with your panties. see, just like that..", he slowly eases your trousers over your butt, enjoying the feeling of your body under his hands.
you shiver against him and moan out," thank you, jamie. i should've thought about that." you blush and hide your head in his chest.
"don't worry about it, my love. i'm happy to help you as much as you need.", he smiles down at you, while you start tugging down his zipper to take of his trousers.
as soon as they fall to the floor, james picks you up by your waist and throws you into the water.
" james, you idiot!!", you scream at him while trying to splash him with the water. "i'm sorry, i'm sorry angel! i'll jump in okay? will that make you happy?"
-
"they are definitely fucking, i'm telling you!"
"sirius, calm down! what if they hear you, huh?"
"oh come on remus, they wear matching pajamas and use silencing charms every single time they have a 'sleepover', they won't hear a thing, trust me!"
"you're right, love, but still."
"wormy, what do you think?"
"i think they're both idiots, who really don't get why it's so weird."
please tell me if i need to change something, or if you have some tips on getting better. i hope you enjoyed it :))
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Wanna help a by-and-for transfem journal?
Wanna get involved?
Thank you everyone for your interest so far! If you have a sec, I’ve written a quick post about a few ways you can help. 
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Lili Elbe, painted by Szív királynő, serving “journal reader” realness Do you have trans female mates?
Let your girl friends know. Share it amongst your networks. 
Can you read? 
Wonderful. Subscribe to this substack to be notified when an issue is released. 
Can you think?
If you’re a trans woman and you have feelings about something, send it to us. If you’re developing an idea, come chat with us over email (or arrange a phone call) and let’s figure it out together. 
Do you sell books and zines? 
Wonderful. Email me. Stock it. Perfect. I can also send you a poster version of our invitation to submit to print out. 
Have you written?
If you’re a trans woman who writes about things relevant to our lives, send it to me. If it is online and you worry that it won’t stay up forever, it’s affecting your job and life prospects, or that it is a reflection of its time and not 100% wise anymore, send it to me and get it archived. Archiving is part of the goal here. We’re not uncurated, but that doesn’t mean you should shrug and let the internet, time, transmisogyny and linkrot eat your hard work. 
If you’re a trans woman with jobs and obligations and you don’t like having your essay ‘Why dickgirls should commit more assassinations’ or ‘transgender materialism: towards a de/coterminous understanding of post tipping point transmisogyny’ or whatever attached to your name then send it to me and get it re/published under a pseudonym.
If we get a large number of submissions like this we will publish it as a separate supplement, but else it will come as a section within WBM.
Do you know grants?
Rates for unfunded zines and pamphlets suck. We want to pay the women well. Let us know if you know of funds or grants you think we fall under. We’ll be sending off applications. 
Can you help us host a launch party in a major city?
We envision low-cost evening events with discussion, trans women, and piles and piles of essays to talk about. (Can we crash on your couch?) We’re based in the UK, but are happy to come anywhere Ryanair goes where there’s a willing audience. 
Got an idea I don’t have? 
Ultimately, I want to keep this dirt simple. Essays come in, paper goes out. No columns, shite graphics. Couple core editors. Schedules loose enough to spend half the year depressed and still get it out. Stolen printer paper. Something that won���t collapse after two years. Posterity. 
That said, if you have an idea (and maybe if you want to do it), email us. Think you know enough people to get this translated and shipped somewhere else? Can you translate and know of a non-English language transfeminist text that’s not got much attention in the anglosphere? Maybe we can submit an application for a grant and distribute your translation? Understand distribution better than me? Do you have the wherewithal to manage a personals board? Something else? Anything except an agony aunt section. I’ve called dibs on that one. 
Do you have agonies? Issues? Want bad advice?
Write to the agony aunt. writingbadlymag snail symbol gmail dot com.
Do you have something to say which won't make a whole essay but is still worth saying?
Write a letter to the editor. Same email.
Addendum: Can you help us set up a website?
Websites we think are beautiful are dirt simple. Low-tech Magazine has a beautiful low-energy website. Filmmaker Margot McEwan has a lovely fitting website. Any thoughts or suggestions should be sent to the same email.
(update: we're all set now! Check out badly.press!)
See a good stack cutter?
If you see a cheap paper stack cutter for cheap, let me know. :)
Thanks all!
Forthcoming posts: information for writers, extracts from the issue.
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evelynpr · 2 days
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Genshin Official Relationships and Status
Something to take note off in character relationships is what their "official and known" relationships are. So, I decided to try to make a chart of one with the playable cast and some extras.
This is a draft though. If you have criticisms and comments, absolutely please do leave them because I don't think my interpretations of these government systems are that accurate.
Anyways, here they are! The higher the placement, the higher the authority. Distance does not apply, and the legend is in each of the pictures.
Mondstadt: That's a lotta knights
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They can be split between the Church and Knights, but the Church is still under the Grand Master as far as I know.
Power is surprisingly concentrated to 1/2 individuals only for a nation of freedom...Mond you gotta work on that...
Jean, Diluc, Kaeya, and Lisa are arranged the way they are in reference to the Klee summer event where they passed on who was looking after Mond.
Diluc still retains his high position because he has so many high credentials and connections (The Darknight Hero, Mond's richest man, high status in an intelligence network), despite being the Ex-Cavalry Captain.
Rosaria is an official recognized nun, but her vigilante works are by her own accord, hence the colors.
I am not sure whatsoever where Jean and Barbara's father, the Cardinal, should really be placed, or if he even still holds the position.
Poor Noelle does so much more Mond, but is lowest in status...please just make her a knight already T__T
Liyue: Zhongli and his powerful lesbians
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I really am not sure if Ningguang is who Liyue's closest "leader", but that is how I felt during most of Liyues events
I'm assuming that the adepti now have a lesser status in Liyue because of the shift in power to the humans during the archon quest
How high Beidou's status is is, completely informal. She's right beside Ningguang because they do find each other to be equal competitors in their own way.
Those directly connected to Zhongli are those I assumed to have taken direct orders from him, hence why Beidou and Keqing are not included although they do respect him as their archon (Keqing in her own way)
I feel like I'm missing people here, compared to Mond, so uh, help me out here-
Inazuma: They just had a civil war...woops
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I am reallyyy unsure how to label Sangonomiya island's status. Are they under the shogun? Are they their own separate territory?
Otherwise, Inazuma is pretty straightforward with its 3 factions and families
Sumeru: The whole government was just overthrown
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Are there like, genuinely so sages right now, or replacement Grand Sage??? Nahida you need to do something asap-
Scara doesn't exactly have equal status to Alhaitham as Acting Grand Sage, but I felt it was more important to show that Scara is working directly under Nahida
Speaking of which, the title "shadow" is used because it's the same role that Ei served to Makoto, which I find poetic. If there is an official or better title tho, I'd love to hear it.
Hopefully, as time passes, there will be more representatives from the desert with high status. Poor Candace is carrying the desert's status on her back-
Should I have included the Corps of Thirty even if there are no playable characters...?
Fontaine: Fancy Schmancy Titles
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I honestly reallyyyy wished that Neuv and Wrio were on equal standing, but in the eyes of Fontaine, that probably just isn't true.
Even so, absolute do not underestimate how important Wrio's role is in Fontaine's justice system, because without the Fortress functioning as it is, so much of Fontaine's justice would fall apart.
Despite Furina's death penalty and retirement, I still believe she deserves the title of archon with the highest status. No matter what happens, she is still Fontaine's idol and savior. (Besides, if she wanted/needed anything, Neuv would give it to her.)
How high Navia, Clorinde, and Chevy's statuses are in relation to each other in reality is...not explicit?
Really, Clorinde is just another employee under Fontaine's justice system, and isn't a head in anyway, while Chevy and Navia are actual leaders. But, Clorinde is the best Champion Duelist, so does that make them cancel out...?
Anyways that's all from me! It's pretty interesting to me just how much of the cast are part of their respective nation's government, which only makes sense given the kind of ruckus the traveler causes. Have a good day!
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torchstelechos · 2 days
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sometimes i think about the scene where Siffrin has a momentary breakdown over the Universe watching and clapping and not doing anything to help, to lead, and i wonder about an interpretation where the Universe is helping, is leading, is telling them what to do. where the Universe is favoring one of the two people from the Country like the King calls out. its us, the Player, the ones that 'create' their universe in a sense by installing and playing the game and leading Siffrin around through it
i wonder if it'd make it better or worse for him in that moment if they could look through that glass window to the stars above and see a glimpse of how helpless we, the Universe, were in that moment too, trying to guide him and failing just as much as everyone else
do you get me. does this make any sense.
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Okay Bell, you do not fucking get how much this means to me. I have been on the theory of “the universe is actually the players” since I started wandering about this fandom. I do think ALL the players are part of the universe, but are not the universe as a whole. Like, one player is one star and yes, they are part of the overall universe, but there are more stars to see in the same universe so they aren't the universe specifically. My reasoning for this is actually part of how I see Loop’s wish, and thus I get to discuss how I think wishcraft works alongside Loop’s wish and how it affected the timeline. >:3c 
First, I will be using a general assumption of 1.) The looping only affected Vaugarde like The King’s “curse” 2.) There is only one Timeline and 3.) The theory Path of Least resistance (will be explained in conjunction with wishcraft).
As I have mentioned in a previous post I do think that Siffrin’s wish piggybacked off the King’s wish and used it as a blueprint for how far the Timecraft went, which meant that it only turned back the time of Vaugarde. The King says, when asked about wishcraft: 
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He says that the country is skipping, stopping, rewinding, restarting, and how that must look from the outside. Which! I would like to point out that the king is NOT a reliable source of information because the King will lie to get you to lower your guard, however! It’s corroborated by the change god, even if they don't implicitly state it, during the Who’s on the Phone event they say: 
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“Dormont, repeating! Dormont, Unchanging! Stagnating!” + “In this bubble, where everything stays the exact same…” The Change god also acknowledges that the extent of Timecraft is smaller than the whole world and specifies Dormont, which is the last place affected by the Time Curse (and thus the last place to change in all of Vaugarde). I would take this to mean that the whole world is still going on while Vaugarde is, well, glitching like a DVD with scratches. 
Next, which I think a lot of people tend to skip over, is that there is only one timeline! This is confirmed by Insertdisc5 (Adrienne), on Tumblr on their ISAT spoiler Q&A: 
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Which has such interesting implications, but it does help explain something that I want to connect with the third assumption!
Now! The path of least resistance theory! Craft is an energy based magic, which uses the users energy unless powered by an outside force (however it appears to still take energy to direct the craft). This means that it has rules and if I had to guess, is very similar to electricity. Electricity doesn’t actually only go down one path when we apply this theory, instead it has an inverse in output depending on the resistance of the path. So if one path has less resistance then it will have more energy go down that path with more output, if the other has more resistance than that path will have less output/energy. We can apply this to wishcraft and how it affected the outcome of the two wishes that directly went against each other, the Kings and Siffrin’s wishes. Since Siffrin had a lot of energy behind his wish and the king less, Siffrin’s wish went above the King’s own in regards to who ended up with their wish “granted.” (the output was greater due to the fact it was less resistant to the whole of Vaugarde’s wish + Loop’s wish)
So, with all this written out, how do we the Players come into this? :3c well… We are a self contained paradox wish! Siffrin’s initial wish was to (insert one of the initial options) and “You want to stay with them!” which is the wish that caused the Timecraft ability for Timelooping (if I wanted to be pedantic I would actually say Siffrin can Travel time and isn't looping but that's a whole ass other post). This wish DID NOT bring us to the loops nor did it give Siffrin a guide, it was just a wish made to stay with people already in this timeline/universe. This made it impossible for outside help as it was VERY specific to only this universe, “stay with them.” But when Siffrin gave up, they made a secondary wish, 
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(Loop: For someone… Anyone, to help me!!!)
This wish let us, The Players, directly able to interact with ISAT and SAAP. As they reached out into the universe and called for help, the Universe answered by letting outside help interact with timeline by guiding the new Siffrin. We are only able to help out by Loop making this wish! But, now, how does that make us a self contained paradox wish? Well… Thats because in order for the wish to happen, we needed to help Loop make the wish in the first place! By playing the SAAP, we helped Loop get to a position in which they made the wish which allowed us to help them which allowed them to make the wish etc etc. 
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Thus we the players are now able to continue helping out when the timeline goes forward into ISAT, alongside Loop who’s wish allowed for a second try (a Start again if you will). 
The reason I also added the other information is because I think its important to remember that craft takes energy, and what Loop says about their wish is that they “destroyed” themself rather than “destroy the world” which… I think it means that Loop basically blew up like the Big Bang rather than become a Black Hole like Siffrin did. This “restarted” the timeline as a whole rather than just Vaugarde as we can see differences in Loop’s timeline and Siffrin’s, and if they’re the same timeline why are there such big differences? Well, yeah,,, Loop remade the entirety of the timeline rather than just Vaugarde… Oops! Big Bang, yaknow? Its still a singular Timeline, it’s just that it restarted the timeline’s progress pretty far back as a whole rather than specific segments. Also, Loop doesnt appear to help until after the initial ISAT wish, so we can just assume that the Universe plucked them from their wish making directly into this timeline section. 
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As for why I added the whole Path of Least Resistance Theory for wishcraft… that’s cause Siffrin having Loop’s wish actually helped guide Vaugarde’s wishes into an easier path which allowed them beat the King easier <3. Without Loop’s wish, it would have been impossible for Siffrin to actually progress and get out of the loops alive. Lol. ANYWAY, this is all to say, I do think the Universe is a separate entity to the Players BUT by virtue of how the Players interact with Siffrin I would say we are part of the universe via proxy measures. :3c
This really got away from me,,, hope this is all good and understandable I had to use a google doc to write this all out,,,,
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jean-dieu · 2 days
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All my protag from Dragon Age!! An idiot, an idiot, a sweetheart.
With very important informations regarding them of course.
Below the cut is just me rambling about them with actual informations, you can ignore LMAO
Artemis Tabris is a city elf with a fierce personality. Extremely stubborn, he refuses to stay silent in front of whatever discrimination he and his people can face. He's extremely protective of his friends and his family. Of course, it was only a matter of time before he would do something that would put him in big troubble. When his wedding day is interrupted in the worst way possible, he seeks vengeance for all the women, not caring for the consequences. He was glad to become a grey warden, as he thought it would give him the opportunity to finally be properly respected and to protect his family more than ever. He did lack the proper discipline though, often just doing whatever he wanted to do. His main past time is annoying Alistair, mostly by rubbing his relationship with Morrigan in his face. It started as more or less of a fling, but he grew very attached to her in the end, even going as far as searching for her despite everything. In the end, he gives up, and ends up with Zevran instead, and the two men manage to find happiness in life.
"Nacht" Hawke will never say his real name because he thinks it's lame. No, he's a hero, he's the main character, he's so cool, so he gets to name himself. He's a sarcastic piece of shit. He loves to annoy Carver, and the two of them doesn't go along. Despite his many flaws, he values friendship more than anything. Varric is his bff for life, and at this point they probably have matching tramp stamps tattoos. He's fiercly pro-mage, not exactly like Anders. Nacht's point of view is just "I was born like this and I just think I deserve the right to live". He's in general very against people in position of powers and in favor of the common folks. There's not a day that goes with him and Fenris fighting then kissing right after. He resented Carver when he chose to join the Templar, but they both made peace in the end, agreeing that they'll never manage to get along, but accepting to protect each other because they're family.
Aloysius Lavellan would gladly do anything else instead of being the Inquisitor. Still, the weight of the world on his shoulders is too overwhelming to ignore, and he's doing his very best to lead the organization to success. What he lacks in leadership and charisma, he makes up with determination. Cullen is coaching him for public speaking, and Josephine to polish his public image. Aloysius is in general too soft and too gentle to be a leader. He's shy, introverted, anxious, and always wondering if he did the right thing. Still, with a bit of help, he actually manages to become a worthy leader, respected for his humility and overall kindness with his men. He still doesn't know how he managed to secude Iron Bull but he's very happy about it and he loves him so very much. He tends to be kind of naive but he's very knowledgable on the world. He knows everything about plants and can rambles about them for hours. He's friends with every companion. He's a great mage, and he's always eager to improve his skills and magic, and he's not the type of man to rest on his laurels.
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daficrecs · 2 days
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Send me your Dragon Age fanfics to read & rec/review!
Hi everyone, and welcome to DAFicRecs! Right now it's just me, Sin, running the show, but over time I hope more people will join this project and help me share the love and joy of DA fanfic. 😁💙
My goal is to support fanfic authors in our community by sharing the works I love (and what I love most about them) with the Dragon Age fandom. I have almost two decades of professional experience reviewing books (fiction and non-fiction), and I'd like to use those skills to support our community.
In the past, I ran a similar blog for the Baldur's Gate 3 fandom, which you can check out here: BG3 Fic Reviews
If you would like me to read your fanfic, please send me an ask (with a link to your work and a short description) and I will add your work to my reading queue. While I do sometimes write "spot recs/reviews" of work I really love, I would prefer that this be a collaborative project with the community and that authors submit their work to me themselves.
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Last updated: 18 September 2024.
FIC SUBMISSION GUIDELINES
When you submit your fic, please be sure to include the following:
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The title of your work
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Anything and everything. Long fics in progress, short NSFW fics, dark fics, angst fics, fluffy fics. Everything is welcome. If there is something in the tags I really can't handle, I will be in contact with you and let you know. In the rare cases where that does happen, please know it is not a reflection on your work—all it means is that I'll need to hold it until I find a reviewer who is comfortable reading those themes.
To be absolutely clear: this blog is firmly profiction and therefore supports and celebrates creative/artistic freedom in fiction.
You can submit your fic to me through the DAFicRecs asks here. Please note that I won't respond to your ask (unless I need further information) and I will just add it to my queue and will get to reviewing it as soon as I can. Please don't worry when you don't get a response to your ask! Once I have created an AO3 collection for my fic reading queue I will update this post with a link. Then you can check there what's currently in my queue, and whether I have added you.
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aylacavebear · 7 hours
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Soulmates? Yeah, right, pft. - Ch. 15
When you turn sixteen, and your soulmate's name doesn’t appear anywhere on your body that you can find, you figure you had to be the only person on the planet who didn’t have one. Most of the town shuns you, so you stick close to family. Your Aunt Ellen raised you after your parents died in a car crash when you were two, but what happens when the Winchesters return to town and buried secrets begin to come to light?
Pairing: Mechanic Dean Winchester x OC Reader/You
Word Count: 2615
Warnings: Angst, suspense, emotional situations, The Tension is Growing, Premonitions.
A/N: This is my non-Supernatural fic I'm attempting. Please let me know what you think, as I always love hearing from my readers.
----------------------------------------- Chapter 15
For a while, you just sat there, your emotions running completely rampant as your thoughts ran laps around your mind. They all knew something that you hadn’t been told. Whatever it was, it wasn’t in your parent's letters, and it was more than Dean had already told you, which you thought had been everything.
Even if you still weren’t convinced he was your soul mate, you had kept your distance from him, only keeping things to friendship. The thought of the whole soul mate thing made your mind snap back to how you’d ended up alone in this room and looked around for a mirror. Finding one hanging over the dresser, you walked over to it and moved your dress so you could see what had only been incoherent lines.
You felt a knot in your stomach as you looked at it. The only letter that had come in was the last one, an n. 
There are other names that end with the letter ‘n.’
You needed to write down every tidbit of information you had at the moment. Quickly scanning the room, you found a notepad and a pen on one of the nightstands. 
No mark at 16. Parents killed at 2. Wounded soul. Shunned by town. Winchesters showed up 3 months before my 25th birthday. Promotion at garage and became Dean’s boss. They joked about him not doing anything funny with me. Sam and Dean knew I didn’t get my mark. Have to fully heal to get my mark. Dean knew something when he met me, and so did the boys at the garage. I could talk to Dean, easily, honestly. He saw me at school. Lisa isn’t Dean’s soulmate. Bobby had us work together on Dean’s first day, and we became friends, quickly. Dean was always thinking of me. The adults knew about the marriage contract and never told me, and they knew my parents hid key documents. Bobby and John were thankful Dean and I hit it off so quickly and became friends.
The more you wrote out, the faster your heart began beating. Most of that had only happened within the first month of meeting the Winchesters. There was so much more that was there, and you needed to see how it all fit together, like the parts of a car. That was how your mind worked, slowly seeing the connections. You’d never wanted to hope to find your soulmate, even after what Dean had said.
My parents left me letters, telling me about the Vaughts. The Vaughts knew what would happen if I lost my parents. They knew about my lineage. They knew I would be an empath.
That last line made you stop and think further.
Wait. Why would that matter? What would be the purpose of making me marry Cole? Why is that important? What about an empath, don’t I know?
You pulled out your phone and began searching online for anything related to empaths and why they’d be important, other than in specific jobs that helped people. There were more things you probably should have written down, but with the questions plaguing your mind, you had to find answers.
Nearly an hour, perhaps longer, passed, and you were still attempting to find anything that would answer your questions. You’d made a few notes, but it was only tiny pieces. One interesting thing was that if an empath found their soulmate, they could hear each other’s thoughts, but there was no conclusive evidence on the distance that worked. That didn’t help your other questions when it came to the Vaught family.
Frustrated, you tossed your phone on the bed and looked back at the list you’d been making. Reluctantly, you picked up the pen and jotted down other things. 
Dean seemed to know what I was feeling even if I hid it. He was always there when I had a nightmare. He never pushed anything intimate. All he ever did was try to comfort me and be there for me. He said he knew I was his soulmate at 16. The Vaughts
At that moment, goosebumps ran down your entire body. The Vaughts knew he was your soulmate. Dean had explained what had happened with that woman, Lisa. Even in your parents' letters, they had told you what the Vaughts were capable of. Now you had new questions, on top of the ones before.
Why didn’t Dean get closer to you? What was holding him back? Why wouldn’t he want to help you heal by being intimately close? What did your twenty-fifth birthday have to do with it all, and why was that date so important? 
That’s when you remembered Sam had told you that the powers that be were keeping this sort of thing from making it to the regular news. You glanced at the closed door of that bedroom and sighed, setting the pen down on the notepad. Yeah, you could storm back down there and demand answers, but what would it accomplish? 
You reluctantly got up and went through your bag, finding some comfortable pajama pants and a tank top. After changing and brushing out your hair, you laid on your back on the bed. You wanted to be alone, but you wanted so badly to have Dean there holding you like he would when you typically felt like this. The fact that he hadn’t come, hurt a bit, but you told yourself he was just busy hanging out with those he hadn’t seen in a while. You’d been the one to storm off.
My life sucks.
The thought made you roll onto your side, pull one of the pillows out from under the covers, and cuddle up to it. Your mark burned again, but you ignored it, no matter how badly it stung. You didn’t want to deal with anything, feeling as overwhelmed as you did. There were far too many questions circling your mind and just as many emotions coursing through your body to let you focus on any one thing, let alone deal with any of them.
With a heavy sigh, you closed your eyes, exhausted in every sense of the word. Your body, mind, and soul needed rest. So, you let the heaviness in your eyes win, slowly closing them as your body relaxed into the mattress, letting sleep take you.
The sounds of hounds woke you sometime in the middle of the night or perhaps very early morning, pulling you from another nightmare. Your heart was pounding, and your breathing was ragged, but you forced yourself off the bed and to the window as the house seemed eerily quiet. The stillness outside on the grounds of Crowley’s property made you think the shadows were moving, watching you. A shiver ran down your body as you watched three large dogs dart across a section of lawn where a lamppost stood.
He’s here…
The thought scared you, and it was hard to breathe, as if something was pressing against your chest.
Dean…
Without thinking, you ran out of your room, needing to find him, more to reassure yourself that he was okay. Halfway down another hall, you stopped dead in your tracks as an image began forming in your mind. 
It was somewhere outside, on Crowley’s land, around his home. Four men in tactical gear were slowly making their way closer to the house, using the shadows to stay hidden. They almost reminded you of what a SWAT team looked like, guns and all. Now you saw dogs, big, black, fierce dogs, more than a dozen of them, moving in packs of three. They were hunting. They, too, were using the shadows to move, just as silently as the four men. Broken glass and a silent gunshot in one of the rooms of the house. The room was blurry, and hard to make out the details. Someone was sitting on the edge of the bed, and there was a dart on the person's neck, but you couldn’t make out enough details.
You shook your head a bit, pushing the images away. With the emotions swirling through your mind and body, you took a shaky breath, steadying your nerves. Something you had read online teased its way through your mind. 
Follow the thread.
For a moment, you closed your eyes, taking slow, deep breaths and letting them out just as slowly. You knew that in order to find it, you had to accept that Dean was your soul mate, which both terrified you and brought you a sense of peace. When you opened your eyes again, you turned to the direction you’d come from, feeling a strange pull.
The darkness in Crowley’s mansion wasn’t what brought the feelings of dread that seemed to seep into your nerves. It was the eerie silence, not even the dogs outside making a sound. The shadows seemed to dance or move of their own accord. You set your hand on the wall, letting it guide you through the darkness.
You tried to find that thread, but it eluded you. Some light came in through the large windows near the stairs that led down the main room. For a moment, you looked outside. The grounds were still, and that stillness felt out of place. A shiver ran down your spine as the hair on the back of your neck stood on end. It was like someone was watching you.
When you were able to pull your gaze from the window, you continued down the stairs, creeping quietly through the main entrance. Cautiously, you opened the dining area doors. You almost felt like a mouse thrown into a game of cat and mouse that you had no control over. Swallowing hard, you looked under the table. You let out a sigh of relief, having found nothing there. Finally managing a deep breath, you pushed yourself through the dining room and into the kitchen. 
The light wasn’t on, none of them were, and you hadn’t come across anyone, not even servants. For a moment, you thought you’d seen the flash of a light outside one of the kitchen windows. Slowly, you crept closer to it, cautiously glancing around. Your heart was pounding so loud you were sure it would give away your location. 
A shadow that moved in the darkness outside the window sent a wave of fear throughout your body. Slowly, your hand covered your mouth, and you began backing up just as slowly. Someone came up behind you when you reached the center of the kitchen, wrapping one arm around you and putting a hand over your mouth. Just as you were about to scream, he spoke.
“Shhh, it’s me, Sweetheart,” he whispered softly, slowly taking his hand from your mouth.
You swung around in his arms and wrapped yours over his shoulders. “I was so worried something had happened to you,” you whispered, keeping your voice down.
“I’m okay,” Dean quietly tried to reassure you, holding you close, while also keeping a watchful eye. “Come on, it’s not safe here.”
Dean quietly but quickly led you to what looked like a study. There were no windows here, but the entire staff, Crowley, and Benny were there. There were also a couple of other men, although you hadn’t met them before. Dean pulled you into his arms after he closed and locked the door, wanting to help calm your nerves.
“Good, you found her,” Crowley said, both relieved and pleased, but he wasn’t happy that Dean had gone looking for you.
Dean just shot him a glare but stayed quiet; his focus was only on you now. Benny stayed leaning against a nearby wall, his arms crossed, unhappy with the situation.
“What’s going on?” you finally asked in a whisper, not wanting to mention the images you’d seen from earlier.
“Nick isn’t one to follow the orders of anyone,” Crowley sighed. “It’s why I arranged to have the three of you brought here until the next court date. The FBI isn’t capable of keeping anyone safe from that family.” 
Slowly, you looked over at him but stayed in Dean’s arms. “You knew they’d come after me?” you asked, a little confused.
“Love, he’s not just after you. He needs leverage, to make you comply. Figured you would have realized that already.” Crowley stated as he shot Dean a knowing look, which you didn’t miss. “That whole family knows they only have so much time before you’re useless to them.”
That made your brow furrow in complete confusion. You pulled away from Dean, looking up at him, now needing answers. “What haven’t you told me?” you asked him bluntly, but also were terrified of the answer.
You saw the sadness flash across his eyes before he hid it, even if he couldn’t look at you. “If Cole marries you before your mark comes in, it won’t matter who your soulmate is, your mark will change to his name, because you’re an empath.” Dean finally confessed quietly.
The silence in the room was deafening, but your heart was pounding, and again, it felt like you could barely breathe. For several moments, all you could do was stand there in a state of shock. It was the final piece to the puzzle that made everything else make sense, and the thought of that terrified you. 
“How do I make my mark come in all the way?” you asked quietly, your voice shaky, and your nerves felt like they were all exposed and firing all at once.
Dean finally met your gaze, as it had never left him. There was pain and hurt in his eyes, but you also saw a hint of hope. You could see his hesitation like he wanted desperately to give you the answer, but something was holding him back.
“Bloody hell,” Crowley’s exasperated words broke the silence. “If you don’t tell her, I will.”
That made both you and Dean jump a little, but you never looked away from him, even when he shot Crowley another glare before looking at you again. He managed a deep breath, but it was shaky. Before he could open his mouth to say anything, the man who had been standing near Crowley, watching monitors, spoke up.
“The Hellhounds have done their job. I’ll inform the police and the FBI,” the man told Crowley, his British accent thick.
Crowley took an annoyed breath, “Thank you, Ketch. You may all return to your rooms. The situation has been handled.”
With a heavy heart, you went to the door first, unlocked it, and headed toward your room. The staff followed you out, Ketch bringing up the rear, but Dean and Benny stayed behind with Crowley. You rubbed the place where your mark was, your gaze on the floor as you slowly made your way back to your room.
Dean’s words seemed to play on repeat through your mind. At least now you understood why the powers that be had kept something like this under wraps. If it got out, there were far too many grim possibilities that could happen. What was bugging you was that Dean knew more; they all did, and you still hadn’t gotten all the answers you needed.
You closed your bedroom door but couldn’t relax, so you paced a few feet from the foot of the bed. Your mind swam with questions. After several minutes, you finally just plopped down on the foot of your bed, frustrated, when you felt a sharp stinging feeling on the side of your neck. Just as you reached for it and your vision went blurry, someone came into view as they stepped out of the closet, and then everything went black.
----------------------------------------- Chapter 16 - Coming soon
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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nuppu-nuppu · 8 months
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Hey guys 🍉, do you know any good and trustworthy charities that are raising money to help the people in gaza? Looking for recommendations!!!!
I was inspired by some other artists doing this but I thought that in exchange for you guys donating to a charity for gaza, as much as you want (it doesn’t have to be much, just what you can) I would draw you a sketch of a character of your choice!
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mihai-florescu · 28 days
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I appreciate the dedication to preserving niches but im too bored with the concept of labels and ultimately uncaring towards circlejerk communities and maintaining a "lifestyle", perhaps at this point of burnout uncaring towards aesthetics altogether, to be able to meaningfully participate.
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magistralucis · 9 months
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Love is... stored in the translation... 😌💖
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walker-lister · 8 months
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I just have to remind myself sometimes that no matter what anyone else says, the way a piece of media makes me feel and the positive impact it has had on my queer identity is valid, and that tearing myself apart thinking I have to defend it or questioning my own place within queer communities is not at all important when compared to the almost tangible sense of 'rightness' that piece of media helped me to feel about myself.
#just something i've been pondering the last few days#kind of like no matter how much people debate or i suppose theoretically deconstruct media featuring queer stories#the most important thing is how it makes a queer person feel#and I do think it is of course a good thing to ensure queer stories are executed with respect and authenticity#but there's this grey area in fandom spaces in which people may have found rep from a 'unreliable' source i suppose#or something which is queerbaiting- sherlock springs to mind for example yet if people have been able to explore and nurture their own#queerness through that media does that therefore mean their experience is invalid? i don't think so#and my worry is the more we focus on theory the less we focus on emotion and therefore the actual queer experience itself#and sure theory can inform the queer experience and ensure the media is a 'healthy' site of queer identity formation and identity aid#but at the same time scorning or being rude to those who have found certain media an aid is not the right approach to be taking#especially as queer experiences are so wide ranging that one person's idea of 'good' representation is someone's else's of 'bad'#and that unless a piece of media is clearly offensive in its portrayal of queer experience there has to be some benefit of doubt#I think we're still in a period of progression in media espc tv where queer creators are coming to the fore of their own stories#and we've got to 'live and let live' a little about where people are finding sights of queer validation and joy#and perhaps this a naive and simplistic way of thinking but i think queer people can either recognise when something isn't the best rep#but was helpful for them anyway and therefore in a way confer 'ownership' of the media to themselves in how they engage#or there is variety in queer experiences represented in media so that perhaps not everyone finds a 'site' of rep but that does not#therefore invalidate it or make it 'bad' representation#this is just my opinion and it'd be hypocritical for me to not now mention this is only formed from my own queer experience lol#so i'm not trying to tell anyone how to feel or anything just something i'm pondering
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opens-up-4-nobody · 6 months
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...
#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought.#i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper#thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times#like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks.#nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she#was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled#a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where#you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder?#but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what#then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student.#everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have#and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my#leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but#i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying#my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound#by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting#better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that#and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path.#one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do#what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it.#maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for.#unrelated
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oldguardleatherdog · 1 year
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let me start by saying, I'm okay to agree to disagree on this, and I respect you greatly as my queer elder. I hesitate to even send this because I don't think this cause is worth dogpiling (and not even the fun way) on anyone against and , like , I will continue to follow and admire you as a mutual who has been through a lot of the hell that I'm going through right now and got to a place I want to someday be. (for context, I am currently housing & food insecure and am trying to live in a queer-accepting city)
Posting will never be praxis, you are my brother in arms no matter what you call trump or cops or whatever. There are some fat liberation blogs that take issue with calling cops "pigs" for a lot of the reasons I bristle at calling Trump a fatass, and like, if someone is actively fighting cops who can and will actively hurt me and my found family, I don't care what names they shout while doing it. So I see where you are coming from and I'm glad you fight for me. I fight for us too, in what little ways I can while I keep me and my found family afloat. I do better work in the community just by existing around people as a living breathing transgender than I could do in a million posts on this website.
I do think that this is a valuable conversation to have, though, even though you are completely right that this is a trivial thing and not at all the bigger, more real issue at hand. I think it's still important, on online platforms such as this, to talk about how we refer to the other people on this planet.
Think about why you didn't call Trump a "retard". You certainly could have, it doesn't *not* apply to some of his behavior. I know people of our generations once used that word a lot, and we don't anymore. Why and when did we change that? I honestly don't remember. For me, my aunt was medically classified as "retarded" and she was the best person I'd ever met, so I decided that word shouldn't mean bad things. The first time I ever hit someone was over them using that word in a derogative way. it wasn't about "mental illness positivity" it was about humanizing the people that word has been used against - people who have been stigmatized and oppressed with that word.
Right now, hopefully, the same thing is happening to the word "obese". Fat people are less likely to be hired, granted loans or secure housing. they can be kicked out of airplanes and fired from their jobs because of their body size. There have been laws proposed to take fat children away from their parents and "treatments" proposed to wire children's jaws shut and starve them to make them thinner. They are often medically mistreated and misdiagnosed. I once went to a doctor with an ear infection and instead of antibiotics, he prescribed me *bariatric surgery.* I have been refused transgender top-surgery because of my BMI, which keeps me at a passively higher risk for self-injury and worse.
I do not care about body positivity. Honestly, between being fat, trans, and poor, I'm at a point where I've given up on ever feeling good about my body again. All I care about is getting jobs and meds and keeping a roof over my family's head and food on our table. Normalizing the idea that fat is a bad thing that anyone can change continues that stigma. When you use Fat as an insult, you are saying fat=bad. Fat is a neutral thing that some bodies can be, like short or tall or lean. The revolution needs to be intersectional, and body size is another axis of oppression that needs to be acknowledged, just like sexuality, gender, race, class, disability, etc.
If you've gotten this far, thank you for hearing me out. I'm sorry that others are just performatively parroting the same things over and over. Civility is bullshit, and if you still want to use body shaming as one of the ways you fight against bigotry, it doesn't really matter to me. Just as long as you acknowledge anti-fat bias as part of that bigotry too.
Thank you for writing and sharing your life experiences with me, and for your solidarity as well. You're striving to make your way as part of a despised minority in a world that's turned unspeakably harsh toward you in an aggressively mean way seemingly overnight, and I admire you for the life you have lived, for your courage and perseverance during this difficult time where resources are scant and your housing and food security is uncertain at best.
(FWIW, after I was bombed out of my Lower Manhattan home on September 11th, my income went from six figures down to nothing overnight, and I was homeless and destitute for years. Twenty years ago, I was where you are now, and I can tell you that what you're enduring today will not last forever, that there is light and hope and blessing in your future, that you're not as alone as you might think, that you must never give up.)
What more can I do to make the point that "fat" has nothing to do with this? As I've said, I grew up obese, and it wasn't until I enlisted in the Army at age 17 that I was able to free myself from my violent and abusive family and unlock the potential of the body that had been hidden under layers of fat and shame all my life. I know that my path is not for everybody, that many others are not so fortunate, and I ceased long ago to think that fat equals bad or lack of character or any other pejorative attitude that society has attached to it for generations. I hope I've made that clear and that you take my word as truth.
I am not saying "let's fat-shame Donald Trump to make him feel bad." I am saying that I'm deeply troubled by the LGBTQ+ community prioritizing hurt feelings over the very real damage that's being done to us right now all over the country by Trump, his minions, his proxies, and his cult of bloodthirsty followers and worshippers. Trump's accomplices in Congress and state legislatures and Moms For Liberty are taking over school boards all over the country, banning books and emptying library shelves and harassing teachers and librarians to the point where they're being run out of town, where the State of Missouri has defunded its entire public library system rather than follow a court order to restore books banned just for featuring LGBTQ+ characters.
DeSantis and Abbott have put in place policies that are unspeakably brutal, that are forcing trans people in Florida to slowly and brutally revert to their pre-transition state, that have given health care providers in Florida the right to deny treatment to you and me and all LGBTQ+ people because we are gay, lesbian, non-binary, trans... but God forbid we should call Trump mean names!
We've seen what happens when we buy into the "when they go low, we go high" fantasy pipe dream. This is not the way the world works, it has never been, and we need to put this loser idea in the trash bin where it belongs once and for all.
We're being attacked and harmed in unspeakable ways that are happening now. This is not theoretical or hypothetical. It's happening to us, to those we love, this minute and every minute of every day. And worse is in the pipeline - they're writing laws that will place us under virtual house arrest, that will regulate where we're allowed to go in our own cities and towns, when we're allowed to be seen in public, when and where we can shop, how we're allowed to dress, even what we're allowed to say and SING, for Christ's sake!
And I'm supposed to be concerned about some minuscule hypothetical percentage of my own people being OFFENDED because I'm somehow being insensitive and violating some trivial picayune social justice warrior philosophy, because there's a possibility of some fragile flower taking it personally, and that I should shut my mouth and let the MAGA nutjobs run roughshod over us? Oh, come let Daddy kiss it! while our brothers and sisters are suffering in real time. Sickening.
Anyone who has a problem with my stance doesn't have to follow me or emulate my proven effective tactics as an activist with 37 years of successfully defending our rights under my belt if they're so dainty and delicate and easily bruised. Everyone else that sees this for the strawman bullshit it is, get ready to hit the streets with bullhorns and whistles once again. We've got work to do.
Your arguments are strong and well-reasoned, and I accept and acknowledge everything you're saying. We can disagree on this, certainly, and still work together to turn back the progress that the MAGAs are making, restore our rights, and protect ourselves and each other. But that will require the snowflake contingent among us to get their collective head out of their collective ass, stop whining, and get with the damn program. Calling me names and telling me I'm being a bad gay activist is a waste of time and energy that should be spent fighting the fascists and the haters who are out to kill us.
And to you, my friend and fellow traveler with a radiantly beautiful soul and spirit, I urge you to hang in there, to keep the faith, to keep caring about life, to work with me to secure our own future and the future of our kind. I send to you my very best wishes, energy, and prayers that you will find your way to a place of health, security, stability, and love for yourself and for this precious community to whom we've both dedicated our lives, who mean the world to us.
Yours In Service, Animal J. Smith
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