#if i tell them the nurse practitioner told me to

[galaxywhale]

constantly struggling between "i dont need to tell work anything other than I won't be in" vs "overexplaining everything so theyre less likely to think im faking" ;-;

[kazoosandfannypacks]

Medical Professionals Stop Assuming Your Patients Are Sexually Active Challenge

[bratzforchris]

Goldfish

Summary: Matt has a chronic illness that the nurses at his local clinic are all too familiar with. The new nurse in town hasn't had a chance to meet him yet, but what happens when she does?

Pairing: Matt x nursefem!reader

Warnings: Mentions of needles and blood, chronic illness, use of medical steroids, flirty nurse!reader (this is all fiction!), Matt is 20/reader is 23, Matt has a service dog!!

Word Count: Just over 2k

A/N: This is lowkey inspired by the experience I had a few days ago with a flirty nurse while I was in the ER (I'm still thinking about him--had me giggling n kicking my feet n shit like I was in a rom com [this is definitely a story time]). ANYWAY, Matt has PFAPA (my chronic illness!) here. It's usually a childhood thing, but some rare cases like myself don't grow out of it. You can read more about it here, if you'd like. Enjoy!!

Matt Sturniolo is all too familiar with his local pediatric emergency room. In fact, he’s been there so many times that the nurses have started to treat him as less of a patient, and more of a friend. “Hey Matt!”, “How’s YouTube going, Matt?”, “I remember you!”,  “I saw you last time!”, and the list went on. Some might ask why he still went there at almost 21, but when you had a chronic illness, it was best to see the people who had been caring for you for years if you could. These nurses had been caring for him at least once a month, ever since he was 12, and were usually quite skilled in how to manage the brunette’s comfort. 

Matt had PFAPA, which left him with high fevers and extremely sore, almost strep like sore throats every month. It was a miserable thing to live, and it really impacted his happiness, especially on days like today when he was having one of the worst flare ups he’d had in a long time and both Nick and Chris were unable to come along with him to the doctor. Luckily for Matt, he had his service dog, Emily, with him, but he still longed for a human companion as well. While some people wondered why he ‘needed’ a service dog, Matt’s disability was invisible. Emily would let him know when his flare ups were starting as well as laying on him to soothe his body aches and chills and helping with his anxiety at doctor visits. 

The nurse tech took him into the back rather quickly, running their usual tests of strep, the flu, and COVID. About 98% of the time, they would all come back negative, but the hospital staff liked to do all they could to make Matt more comfortable. Sure enough, the nurse practitioner stepped in about 30 minutes later, a sad look on her face. 

“How are you feeling, Matt?”

Matt shrugged, grimacing as his throat ached when he swallowed. “‘M not great.” he murmured, petting his pup’s head softly as the anxiety welled in his chest. 

“Well, everything came back negative,” she told, a sad look on her face. “We can test you for mono, though. You have a lot of the symptoms for that. That one is a blood test. We’re also going to give you an IV since you’re dehydrated.”

That sentence alone made him want to cry. Despite the tattoos and piercings he had, Matt hated medical needles. They hurt and they freaked him out. Sensing his anxiety, Emily scooted closer to Matt, whining softly and butting his leg with her head. Matt pet the dog’s head softly, steadying himself to get his breath. “Okay…” he breathed, steadying himself. 

The nurse practitioner patted his leg gently, hurrying out of the room to attend to her other patients. Matt began to panic, his breathing rapidly increasing as tears welled in his eyes. He didn’t want any of this. He just wanted them to tell him what was wrong so he could get some meds, go home, and sleep. Patting the bed he was laying on gently, Emily hopped up, curling into Matt’s side. The pooch rested her head on her owner’s chest, subconsciously working to slow the brunette’s heart rate. 

A few minutes later, another nurse and a lab tech stepped into the small room he was in, holding a tray full of supplies. Matt squeezed his eyes shut tightly at the sight, already dreading the feeling of getting blood drawn. Both healthcare workers were very kind, of course, whispering soft nothings to him as they patted his leg and prepared to draw his blood. They promised him that the procedure would be quick and easy, but those words never mixed well with a chronic illness. 

“Your vein rolled because you’re dehydrated. We’re going to have to draw from your other arm.” the lab tech informed him.

“O…kay.” Matt whispered shakily, trying to get his breath and the feeling in his hand back. 

The brunette knew that it was okay to cry, but that didn’t make it any less embarrassing. He was a grown man, laying here in a kid’s hospital room, trying not to cry while they tried to draw his blood again in his right arm. Unfortunately for Matt, the dehydration he was experiencing from his extremely sore throat caused his vein to roll again.

“Oh sweetheart,” the nurse said sympathetically, patting his leg. “We’re going to give you a minute, okay? Let’s get some water and Gatorade in you before we try again.”

Matt just nodded as he was passed a mini water bottle and a cherry Gatorade. He was hearing their words, but honestly, he didn’t care. All he knew was that he was going to be poked and prodded again, and he didn’t like it. Emily snuggled into his side, whining softly and brushing her sandpaper tongue against her owner’s arm, trying desperately to get Matt to feel better. 

“Alright, honey,” the sweet, older nurse stepped into Matt’s room again, holding a fresh tub of supplies to draw his blood. “Let’s try it in your left hand, okay?”

Because chronic illness never made things easy, the third time was still a failure, leaving Matt with an already bruising hand and tears pricking his eyes. Before he knew it, he was being shoved a packet of goldfish crackers, a popsicle, and more water, being informed that he had to eat before they could try again. The snacks felt like swallowing shrapnel, making the boy cringe every time he had to swallow. 

“Hello, oldest patient of the day!” You cheered, practically walking into Matt’s room on a cloud of glitter. 

Matt jumped in shock, petting his dog’s head to calm his racing heart. “...hi…” he mumbled. 

“They called me in for backup,” You explained, a smile on your face. You absolutely loved nursing, and every day at your job truly felt like a gift. You’d graduated from nursing school last year at the top of your class and had been working in the pediatric emergency room ever since. It wasn’t every day that you had a patient who was 20, but you didn’t mind. “We’re getting this blood draw this time so you can get the fuck out of here,” You slapped a hand over your mouth. “Shit, I’m sorry. I hope you don’t mind if I curse.”

For the first time all day, a small giggled made its way out of Matt’s mouth. “No, I’m okay.”

“I see you have a buddy,” You commented. “That’s nice.”

“She helps my…anxiety.” Matt seemingly chose his words carefully, but they still made you smile. It was clear that the boy had a bond with his pup. 

“I’m gonna look at your tonsils first so we can get you some medicine to help you swallow and then we’ll draw your blood, okay?” You asked, wanting to make sure your patient was comfortable with everything. 

At the mention of a blood draw, Matt’s blue eyes widened with anxiety, his body becoming visibly tense. You had become in tune with this, sliding on a pair of pink latex gloves and patting the soft material of the pajama pants on his knee. 

“Hey, look at me,” You murmured softly, waiting for his response. Once Matt had looked at you, you chugged on. “We’re just chilling, okay? I’m not going to do anything yet.”

Matt nodded, letting out an anxious breath he’d been holding. “Okay.” he whispered. 

You grabbed the flashlight to look in his throat off the wall. “Alright, I’m pretty sure you know the drill,” You chuckled. “Open and say ‘ahhh!’...oh yeah, you’ve got an icky throat. That looks like it hurts. Although…did you have a blue popsicle? You’ve got blue tonsils. It’s rather endearing.”

Matt flushed, his ears going red as he nodded. You smiled softly, throwing away the cap and hanging the flashlight back on the wall. You gave the boy the steroidal liquid the nurse practitioner had drawn up for him to ease the swelling in his throat, a blush creeping onto your face as Matt scrunched his eyes up at the disgusting taste, quite literally making grabby hands for his Gatorade. 

“Fuck, that’s gross.” he whined. 

“At least you got it over with!” You hummed cheerfully, in a small aim to make him feel better. “Unfortunately, it’s time for the bad part, but we can make it a little less shitty if you want? Maybe you could play me some music? Something you like, okay?” 

Matt fiddled with his phone for a moment before landing on Dominic Fike’s latest release. You smiled at the lyrics, releasing this was one of your favorite songs at the moment. You prepped the materials needed to finally get Matt’s blood drawn for the mono test, patting his knee gently in an effort to calm his trembling frame as he rubbed his pup’s head. 

“Hey, can I tell you something?” You whispered shyly, setting him up for the procedure. “You’ve got goldfish in your teeth–it’s really cute.” You giggled, your own cheeks becoming red. 

The brunette whined, breathing deeply as you began to draw his blood. “That’s embarrassing.” he grunted. 

A few deep breaths and small, sad noises later, you had finally gotten the sample needed. “We got it!” You told Matt excitedly, placing a Barney band aid across the site. “All done!”

You bustled around the room, making sure Matt was comfortable, throwing away your supplies, and making notes on your clipboard. You helped the boy drink water and got him (and Emily) a blanket, before taking his samples down to the lab to get checked out. By the time everything was said and done, an hour had passed and Matt was asleep against the small bed when you knocked on his door. 

“Hey sleepyhead,” You giggled, stepping into the room. “Nice nap?” Matt fisted his eyes, nodding as you went over his discharge instructions. You always hated releasing patients with no explanations or answers as to why they felt so bad, but in cases like Matt’s, that wasn’t always possible. Your best bet was to make him as comfortable as possible here. “Do you have any questions?”

The brunette shook his head, finally able to speak now that the steroids were beginning to work their magic on his throat. “No, but thank you. You’ve been the best nurse I’ve had all day…maybe even ever.”

You blushed at the compliment, helping the boy stand since you knew he was already exhausted, dehydrated, and lightheaded from having his blood drawn. “Do you need help getting to your car? I actually just got off.” You murmured shyly, glancing at the clock on the wall. 

Despite Matt’s steadiness on his feet and his grip on Emily’s leash, the blue-eyed boy nodded all the same, a quietly flustered look crossing his face. You smiled yourself, maneuvering Matt out to his car with a firm, yet gentle hand on his lower back. Thankfully, the waiting room had quieted down quite a bit now that it was nearing the evening, so no one questioned or pulled you away from walking Matt out. It was a slow trek with your patient being a bit unsteady on his feet, but you didn’t mind. Matt’s presence made you happy in an odd sort of way; you hated that he wasn’t well and that this would continue to happen for him, but you couldn’t stop your mind from thinking about seeing him again. 

“I um…I hope this isn’t weird, but I would really like to see you again. Maybe another time? When you’re not in pain?” You coughed and chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of your neck. 

He smiled as he slid into the driver’s seat, rubbing his aching head that was seemingly getting better just by being around you. “I’d like that,” he offered. “I’d like that a lot, actually.”

Matt didn’t end up leaving his trip to the hospital with many answers beside the usual ‘It’s your chronic illness’, but what he did end up leaving with was your phone number scribbled onto a pink sticky note that he had been given in the parking lot. 

tags ♡: @jake-and-johnnies-slut @chrissfavwh3re @suyqa @chrissturnswife @mbsbaby @herxysc-blog @lovingchrissposts @caffeinatedscorpio @spencereidenthusiast @crazychrisl0v3r @sturnioloxlver @whicked-hazlatwhore @blahbel668 @sturncakez @junnniiieee07 @biggesthat3r @sturniolowhore @patscorner @julesgrl @0strawberrysorbet0 @strombolilovr @matt444nixi @remussbitch @devthepoet1221 @mattyblover07 @loisnotaa @mollyquinnxoxo @graysturns @pepsicolapussy333 @ginswife @emmagirouard @athaliahxoxo @bitchydragonparadise @ilydeaky @soggyslugg169 @m00n-0n-paws @books0fever @stingerayyy2 @sunsetsturniolos @mimi-luvzyu @raysmayhem-72 @faygo-frog @oobleoob @billsslutt @aemrsy

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[she-is-ovarit]

This is for all the younger gen Z women, particularly those of you within the ages of 17 to roughly 23. This is written from an American perspective, things might be a little different depending on where you're from.

I graduated high school with the unconscious assumption that certain systems will take care of me. The medical system would educate me on proper nutrition and health issues was probably my largest underlying assumption, but really I just had trust in institutions generally.

This isn't true. You are responsible for learning. As an example, I have been vegetarian since age 14. Nobody talked to me about proper nutrition, they just told me I needed to eat more protein.

I lived a decade of my life having shortness of breath, sleeping issues, clumsiness, cold hands and feet, having brain fog, extreme fatigue, heightened anxiety, etc. My period was extremely light and brown, it'd last for about 2 or so days. I'd go and talk about these problems, and telling doctors that I was vegetarian was one of the first things that came out of my mouth just with any visit because I knew at least that piece was important to communicate.

There was really no action taken over the span of about 10 years. I was told the period thing was normal, that changes for women. A sleep specialist let me know that feeling exhausted was also normal. The brain fog was probably due to anxiety. Here, try allergy medication (tbh that did help for other reasons). Then one day I just asked them to check my vitamin and mineral levels. Prior to this I didn't think you can make requests to doctors, I thought you showed up and they performed tests on what they recommended. With some reluctance from my primary care physician and some compromise because she said my insurance wouldn't cover testing things like B12 levels (I later found out from a nurse that, they would, she would have just needed to fill out extra paperwork), she did some tests.

I found out both my iron and D3 levels were low. What else could be?

I later learned pretty much all the vitamins common to be low for vegetarians were low. D3, magnesium, vitamin Bs, iron, and healthy fats. Bought some liquid vitamins (because the body only absorbs 10% of the pill supplements), began eating an avocado a day, my period became normal for the first time in nine years, and I am able to function.

Another example of how human systems won't educate you: I don't have feeling in some of my toes due to wearing incorrect sized footwear for years resulting in permanent nerve damage. I'm size 11.5 in women's, and I was relying on someone to tell me how proper footwear worked, because surely the guy in the minimum wage position working the footwear section would know.

Don't trust human systems to guide you through how certain things work. Seek specific specialists and experts when you can, and inform yourself on your own. Don't blindly trust search engines like Google, it's not like how it used to be when I was growing up and many millennial adults will tell you to "just google things" because we're used to finding actual substantive answers when we do. However, now, usually whoever pays is who makes the first page or two of search engines, it has nothing to do with what information is "most correct". Don't be afraid to request certain tests be done by doctors or certain referrals made to different specialists.

Edit: And also, I've found general practitioners are terrible when you walk in and tell them about several different symptoms at one time. They're more used to treating one symptom at a time, and they treat the symptom not the root cause. If you go in with a runny nose, general practitioners are going to throw medications at you to try and treat the runny nose, not look deeper into what's causing the runny nose. It's equivalent to if you're in a boat and it's sinking, they're bailing out water without actually fixing the hole or trying to figure out where it is, with the exception of emergency situations and even then it depends.

[honeymark]

𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 | 이태용

Every relationship comes with a story. This is ours.

𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄 𝟎𝟒 ; in which you & Taeyong tell your respective sides of your love story.

# 𝑫𝑼𝑹𝑨𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵 :: ~11 minutes (2.2k words)

# 𝑾𝑨𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮𝑺 :: insecurity, infertility

『 The video opens with a shot of Y/N and Taeyong walking into the studio. The set is white, with two white chairs seated across from each other, a white table, a set of white earbuds, and a set of white noise-cancelling headphones. Y/N takes a seat in the chair to the right, while Taeyong sits in the chair across from her. 』

Taeyong: (smiles) “You look really pretty, Honey.”

Y/N: "I think you look prettier.”

Taeyong: (chuckles) “Thank you.”

“Can you introduce yourselves?”

Taeyong: “My name is Taeyong, I’m 26 years old, and I’m a freelance webtoon artist.”

Y/N: “Hi, I’m Y/N, I am also 26 years old, and I’m a pediatric nurse practitioner.”

“How long have you been together?”

Y/N: “We dated for 6 years ㅡ”

Taeyong: “ㅡ and have been married for 2.” (smiles)

“How did you two meet?”

Y/N & Taeyong, simultaneously: "In Dr. Yoo’s biology class.”

Y/N: “At the time, the humanities majors and science majors were under the same college, so we all had to take the same pre-requisites. Taeyong and I happened to sit next to each other in the middle of the second row.”

Taeyong: “We didn’t talk to each other until you yelled at that girl, though.”

Y/N: “I didn’t yell atㅡwell, actually, I guess I yelled at her.” (sighs) “Taeyong is too nice for his own good. Like, he’s the type of classmate who’d give you the answers to a test if you asked politely for them, so of course there were people who took advantage of him. There was this one girl who never showed up to class unless she needed to. On the rare occasion that she actually did show up to class, she would always sit next to Taeyong and ask him for all of the answers. I never really paid too much attention to it, since it seemed like Taeyong didn’t mind, but the closer I watched, the more I realized that he actually did mind.” (pauses) “It bothered me how she’d always act like that, so I just...went off on her.”

Taeyong: “It was the first time anyone had ever stood up for me. I took Y/N out to coffee after that lecture.” (smiles)

“What was your first impression?”

『 The video cuts to Y/N putting in the earbuds, then sliding the noise-cancelling headphones on over her ears. 』

Taeyong: “Can you hear me?”

Y/N: (furrows eyebrows) “What?”

Taeyong: “I love you.”

Y/N: (smiles) “I love you too.”

Taeyong: (laughs) “You can still hear me!”

Y/N: (shakes head) “I’m reading your lips, I swear!”

《 HIS SIDE 》

Taeyong: “Y/N was a lot friendlier than I was expecting her to be.” (chuckles). “To be completely honest, I was always a little intimidated by her, even before she stood up to that particular classmate. Y/N was always really serious in class; she never took her eyes off of the professor, she never talked to anyone unless she had to, and she always kept her notes really organized. She also wasn’t afraid to ask questions or admit when she didn’t understand something, which was something I really admired about her, since I didn’t have that kind of confidence.” (pauses) “I also thought she was really pretty. Sometimes I drew portraits of her when she wasn’t looking, but don’t tell her I told you that.” (smiles)

『 The video cuts to Taeyong putting in the earbuds, then sliding the noise-cancelling headphones on over his ears. 』

《 HER SIDE 》

Y/N: “My first impression of Taeyong?” (pauses) “This is gonna sound pretty bad, but I didn’t think highly of him at all at first. All he did in class was sleep and draw in his notebook. He didn’t take notes, he didn’t pay attention to the lecture...he just walked in, sat down, kept his head down all throughout the class class, got up, and left.” (chuckles) “But what made it even more unbelievable was the fact that he never made less than an A on anything. He always did better than me on our exams and assignments, and I couldn’t understand why. How was it that he, someone never paid attention in class, scored better than me, someone who always paid attention and studied her ass off?” (sighs) “So...yeah, I didn’t think too highly of him, but it was out of my own jealousy.”

《 BOTH SIDES 》

Taeyong: “You didn’t like me much at first, did you?”

Y/N: “...No, I didn’t. Sorry, Yong.”

Taeyong: (laughs) “I already know, Honey. You don’t have anything to be sorry about.”

Y/N: “I love you lots now.”

Taeyong: (smiles) “I already know that, too.”

Y/N: “What’d you think about me? You probably thought I tried too hard, right?”

Taeyong: “Not really. I always admired you a lot for how hard you worked. You were just sort of...intimidating.”

Y/N: (shrugs) “It’s okay. A lot of people seem to think the same way.”

Taeyong: “I don’t think that way now.”

Y/N: (laughs) “Thanks, Honey. I appreciate that.”

“What do you like most about each other?”

《 HIS SIDE 》

Taeyong: “It’s so hard to think of just one thing, and I know that sounds really cliché, but it’s true. Y/N is my superhero. And not just mine, either. All of those kids that she sees every day, I know she’s a superhero to them, too.” (smiles) “I can’t imagine the things she has to go through and hear and see at work, but she always remains so courageous and resilient. Y/N is also very strong in her beliefs, but she isn’t afraid of admitting she’s wrong or that she doesn’t know something. She’s mature too; she’s proactive and always focuses on growing from her experiences. She doesn’t pity herself when things get tough, she always picks herself up and keeps going, and she ㅡ wait, I’m talking too much, aren’t I?” (laughs) “I’m always learning from Y/N. That’s one of the hundreds of reasons why I’m in love with her.”

《 HER SIDE 》

Y/N: “If I had to choose just one thing...I really love how diligent Taeyong is. He truly puts 110% of himself into everything he does, whether it’s in his work or his relationships with people or his cooking, literally everything. He’s just so hard-working, and he always pushes himself to do his absolute best. Of course, there are plenty of times when he gets discouraged, but he never tells himself that something’s impossible or that he can’t do something…he always knows what he needs to do to get something done, and he sticks with it no matter what. I really admire that about him. Seeing him do his best always gives me the strength and inspiration to do my best, too.”

《 BOTH SIDES 》

Y/N: “You’re really cool, you know that?”

Taeyong: (points to himself) “Me?”

Y/N: (nods) “Yes, you, Mr. Lee Taeyong. You changed my world.”

Taeyong: (smiles) “You changed mine, too. I’m grateful every day that you agreed to marry me.”

“When did you realize you’d fallen in love?”

《 HIS SIDE 》

Taeyong: “I don’t remember exactly when it was that I fell in love with her, but I vividly remember realizing it after coming home from class one day. It was during our senior year, and I had skipped my last class to go home early because I was really discouraged about some project that I had. I tried not to show how upset I was, but she could already tell that something was wrong without me even having to tell her.” (smiles) “I talked to her about what was going on, and she said something to me that really...stuck with me. She said, ‘Embrace where you are at this moment, and move on when you’re ready.’” (pauses) “No one had ever said that to me before. That’s the moment when I realized, ‘Wow. I am so head-over-heels in love with this person.’”

《 HER SIDE 》

Y/N: “I realized it pretty quickly, to be honest.” (smiles) “I remember I was really stressed out for this upcoming exam that basically determined whether or not I would be admitted into the nursing program at our school. I was so focused on studying that I kind of neglected my health, but Taeyong was there beside me the entire time and made sure I didn’t skip any meals and that I was allowed myself a break every now and then. He basically made sure that I was actually taking care of myself, and for some reason...it just gave me so much peace. Just being with him brought me so much peace.” (chuckles) “We were only a few months into the relationship at the time, but somehow, I just...knew. I knew that he’s my person, that he’s the person for me.”

《 BOTH SIDES 》

Taeyong: “When did you realize?”

Y/N: “Pretty early. Like, definitely before our 100 day anniversary.”

Taeyong: “That is pretty early.”

Y/N: “What about you?”

Taeyong: “Closer to a year into our relationship. Well, actually, I think I knew earlier, I just didn’t realize it until our senior year of school.”

Y/N: “What made you realize?”

Taeyong: “Just the things you said and the way you acted...you understood me so well, and you motivated me to be my best. That’s how I knew.” (smiles)

“What is the biggest insecurity in your relationship?”

《 HIS SIDE 》

Taeyong: “...My biggest insecurity is…I’m scared that I can’t provide for her.” (pauses) “In our culture, it’s expected that the man provides for his family…but with my job, I don’t exactly make enough money to support the both of us.”

『 Taeyong pauses again, and he takes a moment to wipe away the tears streaming down his cheeks. The camera switches to Y/N, who is also starting to tear up. The PA passes a box of tissues to Taeyong. 』

Taeyong: “Sorry about that.”

PD, from off-camera: “No worries. Do you want to take a break?”

Taeyong: (shakes his head) “No, I’m okay.” (takes a deep breath) “It’s a responsibility that I know Y/N does not and would never hold over my head, but still...there are so many things I want to do for her. I want to give her a big house and take her on a nice vacation and just...provide everything for her so she won’t have to work so hard and so often...” (sighs) “Y/N deserves the entire world, but I feel like I just can’t give it to her.”

《 HER SIDE 》

Y/N: “My biggest insecurity...”

『 Y/N opens her mouth to talk but starts crying before she’s able to speak. 』

Y/N: “Shit, I’m sorry.”

PD, from off-camera: “It’s okay. Take your time. We can move onto a different question, if you’re more comfortable with that.”

Y/N: (shakes her head) “It’s okay, I just need a second.”

『 Y/N takes a moment to dab away her tears. Taeyong scoots his chair closer to hers, and he reaches out to take her cheeks in his hands. 』

Taeyong: “You okay?”

Y/N: (nods) “Yeah, I’m fine.

『 Taeyong frowns, then takes the headphones off and the earbuds out. 』

Taeyong: “Sorry, forgot I had these on. What’d you say?”

『 The studio bursts into laughter. Y/N smiles as she kisses him and whispers something into his ear. The video cuts to a refreshed Y/N. 』

Y/N: “Taeyong and I both love children. We’ve always talked about living in a big house and having lots of kids and dogs…but the reality is that...” (sighs) “The reality is that having a future like that is...unrealistic.” (pauses) “It’s very hard for me to have children. We’ve been trying for two years now, and on the rare chances that we do get pregnant, I always fail to carry the baby to full-term.” (pauses again) “It’s really stressful, you know? Our parents are always asking us when we’re having kids...and I don’t have the courage to tell them that I can’t. I can’t do the one thing our society expects me to do, and I know that I would never hold these expectations over anyone else, but still...I just can’t help but feel insecure.”

《 BOTH SIDES 》

『 Taeyong reaches over to wipe the tears from Y/N’s face. She smiles and takes his hands in hers. 』

Y/N: “Thank you, Honey.”

Taeyong: “You know that you’re more than enough for me, right?”

Y/N: (nods) “I do. You too, you’re more than enough for me, Taeyong.”

Taeyong: (nods, then sighs) “I just…feel so bad, sometimes. Like, I wonder if you’d be happier without me.”

Y/N: “There is not a single universe that exists where I’d be happier without you.”

Taeyong: “I know.” (smiles) “I love you, Y/N. You’re all I need.”

“What is something you’d like to say to your partner?”

《 BOTH SIDES 》

Taeyong: “Y/N, my beautiful wife, thank you for loving me and supporting me all these years, even though I’m lacking in so many ways.” (smiles) “You’ve seen me at my highest and at my lowest, yet you’ve continued to love me just the same. You’re my everything, Y/N. I will work my absolute hardest to continue to make you happy. I love you so much.”

Y/N: “My lovely Yong, thank you for loving me so much every single day. Thank you for accepting me for who I am and for never asking me to change. You’re my best friend, my soulmate, my entire world. Thank you for being you, Lee Taeyong. I am genuinely so, so in love with you, and I have never been happier. I’m excited for our future together.”

Taeyong: “Thank you for everything, Y/N.”

Y/N: (smiles) “You too, my love. Thank you for everything.”

『 The interview ends. Both Y/N and Taeyong stand up and bow to the staff before stepping off-camera and exiting the studio. The camera cuts to the PD, who is wiping away her tears. The video fades to black, with the crew laughing in the background. 』

[twistedwonderlandshenanigans]

Wisdom Teeth Removal

Your girl is getting her wisdom teeth yanked today so here's how I think the cast reacts on anesthesia

Heartslaybul

Riddle: He's so so sleepy, and starts crying when he's told he can't sleep yet. He's very emotional, just wants cuddles, BUT he gets really excited when he can still eat like the custard part of a tart.

Trey: He's just Not Present whatsoever, he's in a different dimension. Just leave him to his thoughts and make sure he eats he's fine.

Cater: Does a tiktok with a before and after audio. However when he sees himself in the camera he starts crying and calling himself ugly, he needs cuddles and reassurance. In relationships where it is appropriate, he will try to kiss his partner and get So Sad when they won't kiss him

Deuce: Also pretty spacey, starts crying when he hears/sees his mom, but is also convinced he's spiderman.

Ace: Flirts with the nurse on the way to the car, is convinced he's being kidnapped like....

"Y'all are kidnappin me?"

"no we'r-"

"Its cuz I'm hot ahaha" *fuckboy face*

when he notices his bandaid he gets mad "I ain't a fuckin pussy, take it off"

Savanaclaw

Leona: He doesn't have wisdom teeth this son of a bitch. and although I really want to imagine Leona on anesthesia, chances are hes still just sleepy and gets mad when he cant have burger

Ruggie: Is convinced his gauze falling out is his tongue and panics, "I cant afford that" and while crying tries to stuff it back into his mouth

Jack: my poor baby is bullied so much by his upperclassmen that he's convinced that they took his legs too and just starts crying. They let himvideocall with his siblings and he starts crying and telling them how much he loves them.

Octavinelle

Azul: wough baby boy is so out of it, he doesnt even notice when smoothie starts dripping down his chin bc he can't feel it. He starts crying if you tell him he's making a mess, but is fine the moment he's shown he's clean.

Jade + Floyd: Wakes up during surgery around the same time as Floyd and both of them are trying to talk to each other and laughing because they cant with peoples hands in their mouths. Also this links to a tiktok thats like them. After.

Scarabia

Kalim: I can't find the video, but when he's sitting in the chair after surgery he notices a nurse leave the room and starts crying. "They should be here. Everyone should be here to see me"

Jamil: He and Najma get them done at the same time, he's emotional, she's making fun of him, gets confused in a funny way when he cries and tells him to stop being a baby

Pomefiore

Vil: He gets mad if you record him, he's still coherent enough to know he doesnt want a phone in his face, but the audio clips are immaculate. Compares himself to god more than once.

Rook: Son of a bitch doesnt have wisdom teeth >:(

Epel: Pulls his shirt away from his chest to look down and gets sad "they didn't gimme my muscles" and is absolutely miserable

Ignihyde

Idia: Ortho fucks around with him some, puts pringles cans on his arms and convinces him he's ironman/some equivalent from an anime or something. Mans is hyper in attitude but wont get up from his chair. Yes Ortho livestreams it to the rest of Ignihyde.

Ortho: N/A

Diasomnia

Malleus: he's really weepy after getting his wisdom teeth out. Lilia convinces him that his horns have grown legs and walked away and Malleus proceeds to cry more until his favourite person shows up and all is right in the world again.

Lilia: He's a runner he's a track staaaar, someone put him on a leash because he will unlock and open the door of a moving vehicle to try to jump out (HC that medical practitioners can enforce magic restraints so that while a patient is incapable of making an informed decision they cannot use magic) also dances a lot. Looooves to talk on the phone,ven if theres nobody on the other end.

Silver: Sleepy baby stays a sleepy babyyyy

Sebek: He has the widest fucking eyes at everything, everything feels waaaaay too fast for him, but its the first time hes so quiet , hes like dead silent

Masterlist

[pink-sparkly-witch]

The One That Got Away - Chapter Four

Warning: tw: child abuse, tw: verbal abuse, tw: physical abuse, mentions of therapy.

Word Count: 1.8k

Pairing: Firefighter!Dean Winchester x Female Reader

A/N: There are TRIGGER WARNINGS in this part - please heed these, and if you think you’ll be affected by any of them, please do not read.

You can catch up here!

 My Masterli st AO3    Ko-Fi

“Hey, kiddo! Did you just come off shift?” Jody greeted her brightly.

“No, I came off an extended double at two o’clock this morning, and I’m back in tonight at seven. Is Uncle Bobby home?” Y/N asked.

“Not yet, sweetie. He took his crew for breakfast. Why? Is everything okay?” The concern she heard in Jody’s tone made her smile.

“Yeah, everything’s good, it’s just… are you still looking for a new tenant for the apartment? ‘Cause I got myself a job at Lawrence Memorial and need to find somewhere to live!” Y/N grinned.

“You did not!” Jody’s excitement made her buzz.

“Emergency Nurse Practitioner, Y/N Singer at your service!” she laughed at Jody’s gleeful screech.

“Bobby’s gonna be so happy! He might even crack a smile!” Jody joked.

“Hold up now. Let’s not get crazy!” Y/N replied, and both women cackled with laughter.

“When do you start?” Jody asked once their joy settled.

“The beginning of next month. I’ll work for three more weeks, hammer the overtime, and get extra money for moving costs and furniture. I’ll spend the last week packing and shipping. I’ll probably move out there the Thursday before I start. That gives me the weekend to unpack and settle,” Y/N said.

“How are you feeling about coming home, kiddo?” 

“Uhm, okay, I guess? It’s time. Uncle Bobby was right about that, but don’t tell him I said that!” Y/N giggled.

“I’d never dream of it!” Jody chuckled.

“It’ll be strange, don’t get me wrong, but it is time. I need to stop hiding. I need to finally deal with my shit, you know? My father and…”

“Dean?” Jody pushed gently at Y/N’s sudden silence.

“Yeah,” she sighed. “Bobby doesn’t talk to me about him. I know he’s not married, but he might be with someone. There’s still so much there for me, and I think… I know I need to talk it out. Move forward, whatever that looks like.”

“He’s single. He’s had as much luck on the dating front as you have. He doesn’t have a friend like you do, though. He’s more of a one-night-only kinda guy,” Jody chuckled.

“Ha! Been there, done that!” Y/N scoffed a laugh.

“I did not need to know that!” The grin she could hear in Jody’s voice told her she was teasing, and both women laughed heartily.

“Seriously, kiddo, I think reaching out to Dean is a great idea. I’m sure you both have a lot to discuss. You both need to move on, one way or another.” Jody said gently.

“Yeah, I know. It’s easier said than done, though,” Y/N sighed.

“Everything worth having, doing or saying always is, Y/N.”

“When did you become so wise?” Y/N sniggered.

“Hey! Watch it, or you’ll be sleeping in your car when you get back!” Jody jokingly scolded, and Y/N laughed again.

“Alright, kiddo, I gotta get ready for my shift. Bobby and I will have the apartment cleaned and freshened up for you. Let me know when you start shipping stuff, and you can send it to us first. We’ll get it there for you.”

“Thanks, Jody. I’ll call Bobby later after he’s had some time to sleep, but if you see him before you head out…”

“I’ll tell him his princess is coming home,” Jody said excitedly, and she was starting to wonder who was more excited about her coming home.

“Thanks. I love you, Jody.”

“Love you too, kiddo.”

Y/N ended the call and fell back onto the mattress with a relieved sigh. She knew she’d be welcomed back to Lawrence with open arms, at least by Uncle Bobby and Jody. Still, she’d been gone far too long, and there was this tiny nagging doubt in her mind that said no one wanted her back after the chaos she’d caused by leaving in the first place.

Jody had become so much more than an aunt to Y/N when she and Bobby started dating. She was her best friend and confidante but never slid into the ‘mom’ role. That was, and would always be, Mary Winchester. 

As part of her therapy, Y/N had written five letters. One to herself, three to the people she cared for most in the world, and one to her father. She’d sent three of those letters. Okay, technically, she’d sent two. She felt the people hurt most by her departure needed an explanation: Mary and Uncle Bobby.

Dean knew everything she’d been through - it was why she understood him not asking her to stay - but Mary and Uncle Bobby didn’t. Y/N made Dean promise not to tell anyone, and Dean was a man of his word. She knew everyone knew something was going on at home; the bruises and flinching at loud noises needed no explanation, but she never admitted to it to anyone but Dean.

The blame she had for her mother’s death, the wish it’d been her instead, Dean was the only one who knew all of it. He was also the only person who knew the vile words, insults, and almost daily degradation she’d been through. Only she, Dean, and her therapist knew about every time he struck her and every harsh word he’d voiced at her.

So, it was with incredible strength that Y/N wrote it down in a letter. She relived everything her father had subjected her to and apologised to Mary for breaking her son’s heart. She’d put Dean’s letter beside Mary’s with instructions to give it to him “at the right time.” However, Y/N also knew there was a chance Mary would never give him the letter, so she’d reluctantly added, “if you think it’s in his best interests,” at the end.

She still didn’t know if Dean had read her letter, but Mary replied, telling her she had forgiven her and loved her. She’d always love her and was sorry for everything her father had put her through. Y/N had expected it but was still shocked by the anger Mary had expressed towards her for not speaking up when she and John would’ve done everything in their power to protect her and get her out of her father’s house, but Y/N knew it ultimately wouldn’t have made a difference.

“Dean?” Bobby said at the end of the shift. “Can I have a minute?”

“Sure, Chief. What’s up?” Dean asked as he walked into Bobby’s office.

“Close the door and take a seat,” Bobby said as he pushed aside the paperwork from last night’s fire.

“I’m sure you remember I spoke to Y/N and asked her to think about coming home,” Bobby said gently.

“Yeah, I remember,” Dean swallowed nervously. She wasn’t coming. He could feel it.

“A few weeks ago, she came here-” Bobby started, raising his hands in a ‘hold on, let me finish’ gesture at the anger and hurt that settled on Dean’s face.

“I didn’t know she was here. She flew in and out the same day because she had an interview at Memorial. She didn’t tell us because she had to be back in Chicago to work a night shift,” Bobby smiled softly as Dean’s body and face relaxed, and he slumped back in his chair.

“How’d she do?” Dean asked, his voice shaky.

“She starts on Monday,” Bobby grinned as Dean smiled. “She’s moving into Jody’s apartment over the weekend.”

“Does she, uh,” Dean started and cleared his throat before he tried again. “Is there anyone coming with her? You know, boyfriend, kid, dog?” he chuckled, trying to act nonchalant, but Bobby saw right through him.

“No,” he smiled at the younger man. “She’s dated, but nothing ever stuck. According to Jody, she was the love ‘em and leave ‘em type until she made an arrangement with a friend,” Bobby shifted in his chair uncomfortably. Dean couldn’t stop the smirk crossing his face at seeing his mentor squirm. 

“No doubt she broke a lot of hearts!” Dean chuckled, and Bobby smiled wistfully.

“I’m sure she did. Now go on, get outta here! Enjoy your long weekend fishing at the cabin. I’ll see you next week.”

“Thanks, Bobby,” Dean said as he stood.

“For what?” Bobby raised his eyebrow in confusion.

“Telling me about Y/N/N.”

“Promised I would, didn’t I? Besides, can’t have you running into her with one of your love ‘em and leave ‘ems on your arm now, can we?” he winked. “Go on now, get!”

“Hey, are you okay, babe?” Sam asked, flustered as he ran into his parents’ house.

“I’m fine, Sam!” Jess smiled as she rolled her eyes playfully at his concern.

“Are you sure? Did you get checked out properly?” he asked, eyes scanning every inch of her to ensure no sign of illness or injury.

“Sam, babe,” Jess said as calmly as she could, smiling a greeting at John when he entered the kitchen. “I’m fine. I felt a little faint at work, and the new nurse, who is so lovely and not a bitter old bitch like the last one, took me into a room and checked me over. She took a blood sample and gave me a scan just to be sure. It was a little low blood sugar, and she made me sit on the bed until we’d eaten chocolate and drank a soda. I promise I’m much better now. Rowena sent me home for the rest of the day to take it easy. I’m under strict orders to eat at least one more chocolate bar or a slice of cake, put my feet up, and get some rest.”

“You’re sure?” Sam checked again.

“Oh my God, Sam!” she laughed. “Yes! I promise! I’m taking Y/N’s advice and being waited on by an anxious grandmother-to-be for a few hours while I take it easy!”

“Y/N?” Mary asked, placing a generous slab of lemon drizzle cake before Jess and Sam. “It wouldn’t happen to be Y/N Y/L/N by any chance, would it?” Mary finished with a little chuckle as if it was nothing, but it came out more like a plea.

“No,” Jess mumbled around a mouthful of cake. “Y/N Singer. But when she heard my name was Winchester, she asked if I was any relation to you guys. She said she went to school with Dean. Maybe she got married?” she said, putting more cake in her mouth.

“What?” Jess asked at the sudden silence in the room.

“Maybe she took her mama’s name when she left,” John voiced what had been on everyone’s mind.

“Do you think Dean knows?” Sam questioned, and Jess looked downright confused.

“Dean knows what?” Dean asked, returning from the bathroom and leaning against the kitchen doorframe.

Next Chapter >>

Tag list: @deans-baby-momma @deans-spinster-witch @leigh70 @stoneyggirl2 @hobby27 @candy-coated-misery0731 @iprobablyshipit91 @twinkleinadiamondsky @mrsjenniferwinchester @spnwoman @snackles87 @perpetualabsurdity @hoboal87 @synmorite @nancymcl @trannydean @nic-kolas @jc-winchester @winchestergirl1720 @globetrotter28 @nelachu2423 @kayleighmeister @venicesem @ladysparkles78 @roseblue373 @suckitands33 @tristanrosspada-ackles @silentbutscreaming @lacilou @kazsrm67 @sandlee44 @kmc1989 @chriszgirl92 @ashbatz @k-slla @waters-2567

[handsomeamoeba]

PSA: Do NOT Get Your Counseling Through Thriveworks

Thriveworks is a provider of psychiatric counseling services. I’d say they’re more of a corporate chain than a clinic (they brag about having hundreds of locations after all). During my year under their “care”:

I frequently found it difficult to contact my psychiatric nurses directly when I had a concern and had to go through Thriveworks to get to them.

I was told that I could not renew my prescriptions without an appointment with my provider even though I had my appointment cancelled on me and was about to run out of antidepressants. The Thriveworks representative then apologized for the “inconvenience.”

I had to change providers three times in one year. More than once it was because my provider was leaving Thriveworks due to their own dissatisfaction with the company and its requirements of them.

Thriveworks providers do not always make it clear that they work through Thriveworks. I did not understand what Thriveworks really was until I was already tied up in the network.

Since I stopped seeing their providers they have repeatedly tried to charge me for services they are no longer rendering.

Only after the first time I complained about frivolous charges did I hear that I was considered a “subscriber” and told that they would cancel my “subscription.” A subscription model for psychiatric care is highly suspicious.

If you are seeking out a psychiatric nurse practitioner and you find out that they work through a service called Thriveworks *please* seek out an alternate care provider. Thriveworks is at best a shady and poorly run business, and at worst a scam.

Stay safe and take care of yourself!

EDIT: they sent me another charge despite telling me my account was cancelled and me not using their services since the fall! I am going to blaze this post. 

[butterfly-casket]

Sometimes breaking down and crying to your primary care physician....works

I was desperate for answers at the end of 2023. I mean, it's been 3 years and I still don't have answers. I had lost all hope, as I was gaining new symptoms, and still no one had any idea what could be wrong. Until I read about MS, and it fit nearly all of my symptoms. I scheduled the first appointment I could to discuss it with my primary. After scheduling it, I realized I had only scheduled a 20 min appointment, and spent 4 hours getting all of my symptoms typed out with dates of when they started, how long they lasted, when they got worse. I typed out a script to communicate to my doctor all of the most important/relevant information in the most condensed form possible. I was ready to be in and out, spend 5 minutes getting him the information, and the next 15 discussing with him the plan of action.

Instead, my doc was pissed that I was even there. I had only seen his NP up until this point and he was so upset that I, a person with so many issues, had come in to see him personally the Friday before his Christmas break. He made sure to spend the first 5 minutes of the appointment interrupting me to express his frustration, and I started to feel like he wasn't going to help me at all.

I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop myself as I started shaking out of fear, and then the anger-override kicked in. I whipped out my symptom list, and his demeanor immediately changed. I told him as calmly as I could in the moment "THAT is my symptom list. Are you just not going to help me?"

He started saying "Well its just that you're going to try and make this appointment take 3 hours—" I cut him off to say "No, I wanted to make this appointment 20 minutes but you just spent the first 5 putting your problems on me." *cues the flood gates* "I've had doctors, nurse practitioners, specialists all innaccurately record my symptoms, if they ever even recorded them at all. I have to walk with a cane, I haven't been able to work for a year and a half, I have NO income, I am just trying to survive and I've been dismissed and not believed over and over again, to the point that it's effected my medical records. It makes EVERYONE think I'm fucking INSANE. I just want some help. I just need some fucking help. I just need some fucking answers. Please."

He started getting in my chart and got to business. He immediately ordered about 8 retests and 6 new ones. He got me a referral to Neurology, ordered X-rays, a swallow test, and MRIs to check for MS.

I went to the Rheumatology appointment I already had scheduled a few weeks later. I felt like the doctor was actually listening to me for the first time in forever. He made a point to record every one of my symptoms as I listed them. He seemed to care. I just came back from my swallow test today. The person performing the test acted like he read through my whole chart and was asking me a lot of questions about my other issues. He asked me if I had the MRIs yet before the test, and when going over the results he said "If it does turn out to be MS, come back to us. We will help you, figure out what works for you."

I've been terrified of being too direct with my doctors, I wouldn't even tell them the diagnosises that I thought it COULD be out of fear of them going "You've just been looking up things on the internet, I'm giving you a munchausens diagnosis." But I was desperate. It was a real cry for help. And thank fuck he saw that. Even if I still don't find answers, I've brought to their attention the mistreatment and carelessness I've been dealing with and they have decided to change that. Hopefully I will be treated like a normal human being and get my symptoms recorded correctly.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Morgan Keller: On April 26, my friend Prisha testified in favor of this bill. Representative Beth Liston asked her if she was affirmed in her trans identity and medicalised in the state of Ohio. Prisha responded perfectly. "If you wait until you have a detransitioner from Ohio, someone is already hurt and you have failed."

My name is Morgan. I am the Ohio detransitioner that Prisha warned you about.

I’m 26 years old and was trans Identified for five years. In March of this year, after trying to ignore the doubt and regret that began to build around my transition, I woke up one morning with the realization that my trans identity was never about becoming my most genuine self or living my life authentically. Instead, it was a desperate, last-ditch attempt to become someone else to escape my unidentified trauma and body and mental health issues.

When I started exploring gender ideology, my life was in shambles. I was in an emotionally manipulative lesbian relationship, I was isolating myself in my apartment and drinking regularly. I wasn’t attending my classes or socialising normally, I had become captivated by the idea that my female body was fundamentally wrong and seduced by the prospect that there was something that I could do about it.

When I sought out help for my complicated feelings towards my female sex, I was affirmed, which is to say I was put on life altering cross-sex hormones with minimal questioning or treatment of my underlying issues. At 21, a license practitioner in the state of Ohio wrote me a prescription for medically unnecessary synthetic testosterone, and just one month after my 22nd birthday, I went under the knife for a double mastectomy based on the recommendation letter from a therapist who still holds an active license in the state. I sat with these practitioners for hours, describing how uncomfortable I was in my body, how disconnected I felt from myself and how hard it was to walk through the world as a masculine woman.

The nurse practitioner who prescribed me testosterone told me that I would transition beautifully and that no one would ever be able to tell that I had been born as a female. After a lifetime of body-image issues and an increasing desperation to become anybody but myself, that was like music to my ears.

I don’t believe that not transitioning was ever considered by my practitioners. I feel like once I walked into that gender clinic, medicalisation was the only option. I needed the practitioners that I trust it to help me make peace with my body, not firm my delusion that hormones and a cosmetic mastectomy might make me feel better. I needed them to just say no.

This week is the fifth anniversary of my first testosterone shot. I was told that this experimental medicalisation would save my life. My parents were made to believe that this was the only way to keep their daughter alive, healthy and happy. No practitioner bothered to dig deeper with me on why felt so disconnected from my female body, and why I thought giving myself an endocrine imbalance, amputating my healthy breasts and masquerading as a member of the opposite sex was such an appealing treatment plan. I can say with 100% certainty that this medicalisation only gave me new health problems and mental distress. I will never, ever legitimatise these experimental treatments as anything based on love or care for an individual.

Under the euphemistic guise of "life-saving gender affirming care," practitioners in our state have become enablers with their prescription pads. At its highest point, my testosterone levels were 11 times the maximum range for a female body. Is this really the standard of care that we want for our Ohioans?

When I realised that my medication was nothing more than a very elaborate placebo endorsed by multiple medical professionals, I made the immediate decision to detransition. It was all over. I quit testosterone cold turkey and endured four of the most brutal months of my life. I had no energy, I didn’t shower for almost 2 weeks, I would cry upwards of 10 times a day, shocked at what I’d been allowed to do to my body in such a vulnerable state with an underdeveloped brain.

I would lay in bed all day, sitting with the realisation that I would never be able to breastfeed children that I didn’t even know that I wanted at the time when I got my mastectomy. I didn’t know if those feelings would ever go away, so I started to make plans to commit suicide. My family was so worried that my parents made me go home, so they could make sure I was eating, bathing and sleeping.

I sent a letter to my prescribing practitioner detailing how much regret I felt, and all of the things I wish were different about the treatment I received, and she never replied. I had been working with that same therapist for seven years by the time I called her with my realisations about the issues underlying my decision to transition. I sent her list of everything that should have been treated instead of getting hormones and a mastectomy, and I will never forget hearing her tell me, "I failed you."

She told me that this was such a new field of psychology that modern medicine is still at the forefront of learning how to treat gender dysphoria. But isn’t that funny, because the current narrative says that this medicalisation is "settled science."

I couldn’t give informed consent at 21, so why are we pretending that children can do that? With this bill we can ensure that children in Ohio are protected from ever waking up and finding themselves in my position. I wish I never opened the Pandora’s box of gender ideology. I wish I’d been told by the practitioners that I trusted. I wish I could say that I’m the exception to the rule, but everybody in this room knows that that is false.

I come to you wearing the scars of this medical scandal asking you to please vote and support of House Bill 68 to protect Ohio’s children.

Thank you for listening.

Senator Kristina Roegner: Thank you for your testimony. Are there any questions? I do have one. You mentioned when you were 21 years old, you went in for the first time to a medical practitioner, and then started the treatments at that point. What was that... how many visits did it take, what was the discussion like, Was it really that quick or what did they ask you? What was that like?

Keller: I actually was the one to push back on them. I went in and they had such a long waiting list, you could just go in and see somebody below the main practitioner who is writing things at this clinic, you know, directing the program. And one of the doctors on the staff just said, "why don’t you start testosterone and see how you feel" And I was like, "no way." I wanted someone that I trust a little bit more to really help me discern if this was correct for me or not.

And I went to the clinic for the first time, I believe it was in June, and then six months later I was on hormones, and I think I went to the clinic three times.

==

The thing that never happens keeps never happening.

Lawsuit incoming in 4, 3, 2...

[grison-in-space]

"that ability to just modify your perspective and step into the context someone else is wrestling with and listen, that's such an upsettingly rare skill for knowledge workers and healthcare workers... if you ask people why they're struggling, you can fix it and build a better process!"

You might be interested to know that when I was in pharmacy school, those patient interviewing skills mentioned by you and clockworkcrow in that reblog chain about provider burnout were taught to us as a set of techniques known as "motivational interviewing." It's not really in the scope of the personal vs systemic interventions that that reblog chain is about, but one of the revelational takeaways that I got from learning them was the idea that the healthcare provider cannot assume that their goals for care line up with the patient's; sometimes, the patient really doesn't care about the treatment or its outcomes because they have different goals of care in mind, and eliciting those goals during interviewing (because a lot of the time people are not at all articulate about what they want out of life) is a kind of ongoing step one.

I'm also curious if you or the MDs in this discussion have ever encountered ambulatory care pharmacists practicing the approaches that clockworkcrow talks about? I ask because listening to patients, identifying patient-specific blocks to care, and addressing them was something we were taught to do in pharmacy school (because our program pushed us toward ambulatory care). But since I didn't go into ambcare after graduating, I'm unsure both how much of an impact it has/how widespread such practices actually are, and whether ambcare practitioners actually, on the whole, put their money where the educators' mouths are. Can ambcare clinics actually make a systemic difference?

Oh! I had no idea they taught y'all those skills, but then I don't actually think I've ever had a conversation with a pharmacist about meds beyond a perfunctory question about whether I know what side effects there are. In general I am not used to pharmacists, doctors, or other medical professionals like psychiatrists taking a lot of time to really listen to me. Some of that is probably that all my main health complaints are things that feel normal to me and some is probably that I am a chronic minimizer--like I said in that discussion, it's a coping method.

I have never heard the term "ambulatory care" -- oh, it's outpatient care. Yeah, okay, let's use a specific physical issue: I can't run for more than about two to three without finding myself unable to breathe. This has been a thing for essentially my entire life, and in middle school we did running with heart monitors, so even apart from the physical experience of not being able to breathe and having to stop and take great heaving breaths of air, I was aware that objectively my heart rate was going up very fast no matter how hard I tried.

(We are talking "run until you start getting black spots in your vision, then walk until you can just barely breathe again, and then run, rinse and repeat. Literally the only kid slower than me was excused entirely from running because one leg was an inch shorter than the other.) No one around me seemed to think there was anything unusual about this or that I was anything besides just physically lazy, so I kind of wrote it off until my mid twenties. I mean, I'd been visibly struggling with extended physical exercise my whole life, and no one had called it remarkable yet, but friends were telling me it wasn't normal to experience those kinds of breathing issues, so...

I presented myself with this complaint to a nurse practitioner who basically told me I was just fat and needed to exercise more. I pushed past this and was grudgingly scheduled for an ecg (normal) and a peak flow test (astoundingly poor). There was no explanation presented for the peak flow except that I was out of shape and needed (guess what?) more exercise. Tried a pulmonologist, who confirmed it was not exercise induced asthma (which I had been sort of hoping, because there are fixes for that) and told me I was basically fine.

I more or less gave up until a dentist idly mentioned that my airway was very, very small and told me that micrognathia was something I should look into: my airways might be occluded. So I went to an ENT, who also immediately tried to tell me I was basically fine but did grudgingly agree to scope my airways... and discovered major blockages from my tongue (insufficient room in my jaw, so it gets shoved backwards over the airway), my nasal turbinates (swollen almost completely shut), and I forget what else. It was incredibly exciting to have a reason.

Okay, I say, what do I do with this? Exercise more? But I want to do that, I just can't breathe. I was aware that there is a surgery to artificially extend the jaw; it involves breaking the jaw and encouraging it to heal while maintaining space between the halves. So I brought this up. He was very dubious about this. I asked for a referral anyway and was referred to a plastic surgeon. The surgeon was perplexed by what I wanted to talk about and had clearly expected me to have come in for a cosmetic procedure like a nose job. Eventually I got too exhausted to follow up further; I've been meaning to resume this thing for like six years now.

Generally, my experience of doctors is that they have been trained to be suspicious of patient accounts that don't fit a very specific narrative, and that they are impatient to get on to the next thing unless you are very proactive about your own care. If you don't have a condition in mind that you can point them at without making them decide you're med seeking, they are quick to tell you that you are just making things up in your head. There are a few exceptions but I cannot underscore enough how rare I have found them to be.

And they will all tell you to exercise and lose weight as a first line of response. Not that I'm bitter.

Now, actually working in healthcare, @scientia-rex or @clockworkcrow might have more relevant commentaries than I do. But my experience in this field has not been, to put it mildly, great. Let's not even talk about my history of psychiatric care.

[aureutr]

Health update, featuring: DIAGNOSIS

I have been a chronic pain patient for a few years now. It's difficult to fully articulate how much pain changes your life, unless you are someone who has lived it or had a loved one live it.

Pain sucked away my energy and brainpower. I found myself sleeping more and more, first in naps after work then I was regularly calling out half days just to sleep. All the while, I was seeing doctor after doctor in hopes that someone would have an answer.

No one did. At first, it was almost a relief. It wasn't cancer, after all. But then the relief turned into disappointment and quickly into resignation. Labs were fine, X-ray was clear, CT was good. It should have been good news, except I still hurt all of the time and no one could tell me why.

The pain got worse. It peaked in Autumn 2022, when I finally got my first sliver of relief. Gabapentin kept the pain in control enough that I no longer had to regularly sleep half of the day, but it made me foggy. Still, it was easier to manage than the brain fog from pain, so I took it.

I still take it, and I’m on quite the high dose. It’s given me a semblance of a life back, but it’s not the answer or a cure. I still napped, I still hurt too much to even walk around a store for more than an hour or so. And, if I did, it would be my only activity for the day.

I lost my job late last year. I don’t believe it was because of the time I had to take, it was a mass layoff, but I’m certain it did not help. That, at least, ended up fine. I found a job I prefer with far better pay within a few months. And they’re, so far, understanding that I’m working through health problems.

But being unemployed was still a stressor, and I had learned that stress was integral to my pain. When I was stressed, it was worse. When I was calm, it was bearable.

I’ll skip describing another round of tests and hypotheses that went nowhere. In October 2023, my husband and I went to the Mayo Clinic or the Cleveland Clinic or John Hopkins (I am being intentionally vague here). This was our second time visiting, the first gave us absolutely nothing.

A nurse practitioner took a very quick look at me, too quick for our comfort, and declared the issue muscular. She recommended physical therapy. It seemed too simple, really. After all of that, all that money spent and time invested? It wasn’t like I hadn’t tried some exercise, but when moving makes your pain worse and worse pain zaps your energy, that’s difficult to maintain.

Still, I wasn’t going to turn my nose up at anything at this point. And it’s a damn good thing I didn’t.

The physical therapist I ended up seeing told me I had the strongest pelvic floor she’s ever seen. And that’s not a good thing. I have apparently taken literal decades worth of anxiety, depression, self-loathing, and any other negative emotion you can think of, and held them taut there, keeping my pelvic muscles almost constantly tensed.

And when you tense that much for that long, dysfunction arises.

My official diagnosis is Pelvic Floor Disorder. All of my PT has been focused on stretching, no strength training or cardio. I’m retraining my body to relax, to let go.

It has been amazing.

At the time of writing, I’ve been going to sessions for about six weeks. Already, I am eager to walk our dogs every day. I’ve gone out on my own or with friends to move.

The pain is not gone. But it is so much less that my pain clinic doctor is discussing reducing my gabapentin in a couple of months. And with decreased pain comes decreased brain fog.

Decreased brain fog means not only an improvement in my professional work, but space for fandom. I’ve written more than I’ve shared, lots of short private stuff for friends, but I haven’t had enough organized thought to re-approach the stories I put on hold.

I can’t promise anything, of course, but I hope that can change soon. I’ve been dabbling in Distant Echoes again, and it’s fun to be back in that world.

I’m not well. But I’m better. I’m so, so much better.

[brokendreamscreation]

(TW: Medical/illness mention beneath cut)

//I think I may have gotten my last blood work test back (I hope) and with it along with the results of my other results, I’m a mix of relief and scared. Relief because yes, they’re indicating something is pretty wrong with my levels because they’re pretty extreme on the scales. Either plummeted or far and exceeding what they should be. Which is also frightening because wtf is going on with me 😰😭

I don’t want to self-diagnose, my doc will tell me the next steps to take and find the source. But ever the curious one I do look up the level indicators on Google (it kinda gives me ideas of what it could be a prepares me for possible diagnosis and even ask questions with doc). The last several times I’ve been seriously ill, including those two surgeries, I was told by nurse practitioners they weren’t what I thought it was and guess what? I was right, including the ones I needed surgery for! (Extensive endometriosis and then Gallbladder attack). Lmao I love back in Jan. I asked the nurse if it could be my gallbladder and she said dead serious “I guarantee it is not your gallbladder”. Two weeks later? Ultra sound showed extensive buildup of gall stones so 🖕Lol.

Anyways, it’s pointing towards a likely culprit being my adrenal glands, possibly tumors. Which hey if that is the cause I can prolly have them surgically removed (I’ve been under the knife 4 times already, twice in the last 3 years) so I’m not too freaked about the surgery part. But if it is tumors, that just makes me scared? I mean I dunno my full family medical history, I was adopted as an infant and have limited knowledge of what cancers and stuff are in my family line. But, um, this past year has shown a bit of unusual levels relating to my kidneys so, yeah…

Mun is a bit anxious right now on top of a lot of other things. Trying to keep positive and telling myself to wait to hear from doc and not assume anything, but I will say I suspect it is tumors on the adrenals at least, if not some other issues (with me it’s never one thing unfortunately. You can thank the Chronic Lyme Disease and its co-infections for that…)

[madnessformunson]

Try Losing One

Summary: Fighting with Eddie was never easy

Note: it’s me again coming at you with a fic based on personal experiences, hope you enjoy. Most definitely not my best work, but I just needed to write something

You and Eddie have been dating throughout high school. He was always so easy to talk to. When it was your sophomore year, you were the new student at Hawkins High. Lost and unsure of who to talk to and where to sit, when the long haired boy bumped into you in the hall.

“Hey where are you headed to Speed Racer?” Eddie let out with a chuckle as he picked up the fallen papers.

“Oh I’m so so sorry, I’m just a bit lost. I’m new around here” you said with a small smile.

“What class ya headed to? I happen to know the ins and outs of this place”

“Um” you said she you fumble with a piece of paper containing your schedule on it “looks like history with Click”

“You are in luck, fair maiden, I am heading to her class as well” he said as he locked arms with you and escorted you to class.

—————————————————————————

Sure over the years you had your fair share of arguments like when Eddie started getting especially close with Chrissy.

“For the hundredth time y/n, I do not have a crush on Chrissy! She just came to me for some weed, that’s all. Nothing more I swear”

“You should tell that to her, she was going on and on about you in Mrs O’Donnel’s class to her friends. Said you were a sweetheart”

“I can’t help that I’m a sweetheart” he said to you with a grin “but seriously y/n there is nothing going on between me and her. You are it for me babe.”

A tear slipped out of your waterline, “I can’t compete with that Eds, she’s perfect and I’m just … not”

He came over to embrace you, cupping your cheeks in his hands as he used his thumb to wipe away the tear.

“You are perfect to me y/n”

—————————————————————————

But this new fight, it bigger than a simple kiss could fix. After graduation you moved into a small apartment just the two of you. He was working as a mechanic and you were a full time student. You were almost done with your nursing degree, something Eddie and you were so excited about. He had been supporting the two of you the best he could so you didn’t have to work through the program, knowing once you reached the end your lives would be so much better. The past two years had been stressful for both of you, he spent every day working, never taking a day off and you were drowning in assignments and clinical rotations. Both so engulfed in your own dreams, forgetting about the one you wanted to share together.

You had the day off of school as you curled your hair in the small 4x4 bathroom. Eddie had the day off as well. He stumbled into the bathroom surprised to find you getting ready.

“Where are you heading off to today?” Eddie questioned.

“I have an extra credit assignment to turn in today, he said he would grade it right away to add the points to my class” you state not looking away from your reflection in the mirror as you fluff the curls in your hair.

“Why because you need an A++ instead of just a simple A+” Eddie said as he slumped against the door frame, rolling his eyes.

You ignore his comment as you finish putting yourself together.

“You know my teacher and the doctor at my clinical site said they would write me a letter of recommendation to get into nurse practitioner school, I told them I wasn’t sure but they offered me a spot to shadow to see if I like it” you said gathering your belongings.

“How much longer would that be”

“Another year or so, but I could make almost double the money. Seems like a small price to pay for a brighter future and so many more opportunities”

“You got to be fucking kidding me right? Eddie let out with a sigh. You follow the sigh with a look of confusion, not sure where this burst of attitude came from.

“I’ve been working my ass off for two years to get you through school and now you want to keep going for another year?”

“Well I haven’t looked into all the details, not even sure if I’ll like it yet Eds, I was just bringing up the possibility”

“You make all these decisions without me. I thought we had a set plan, after you graduate we were gonna find a house and get out of Hawkins”

“I never said I was going to do it! It’s just an option, god I thought you would be happy for me” you start to raise your voice. You know he has been more than supportive of your education but he is turning something good that happened for you to be a negative thing.

“You are being so selfish right now” you ignore him as you leave for your class. The next thing Eddie says, he knew he would regret it as soon as it left his mouth.

“Gotta get all pretty for your teacher huh? Guess we know how you get all those A’s”

You turn around to face him, tears starting to form.

“You know Eddie, sometimes you are really ugly”

And with that you left him. High and dry in front of the apartment building. He tried to reach you throughout the day, knowing your schedule and exactly where you should be. You never answered. That’s the thing when fighting with Eddie, he loses his temper quickly but is always the first to apologize. But you were tired of him apologizing, that doesn’t make what he says ok. You decided after your class ended that it was best to head to your mothers house, crash there for a few days while you gather your thoughts.

[gamebird]

I had cancer surgery three years ago. I have regular check-ups watching for it to return. Last one was two days ago. In it, doctor asks if I have problems with hot flashes. I say no. He looks confused. I tell him I have problems with brain fog and concentration, sometimes focus and motivation. I remind him I've brought this up for the last 3-4 appointments, they've told me to go to a sexual health expert (even though it's not primarily sexual; although I have become basically asexual); they've told me to talk to my general practitioner about it (which I did and they did a full blood workup and said they had no idea).

He brushes this off and says there's a new medication that might help me. I ask, 'With the brain fog?' He says it's mainly for hot flashes but yeah, maybe, who knows? He hurries on about how he's going to give me 6 weeks of samples and I can find out if it helps. And I'm like, 'Okay, I guess ...?' There's a little more back and forth where he tries to reassure me that 60% of his patients have been helped by this stuff even though it's very new and there's not extensive history and I eventually concede that yeah, sure, give me the free stuff and I'll look at it.

I take the free stuff. There's a little towel and a pill caddy in the 'Welcome to X medication!' intro box. There's a whole themed intro box for these pills.

At home, I do some research. It's for hot flashes. It has no other listed purpose. The side effects and risks seem tolerable. The kicker is that it retails for $750 a month with a discounted rate of $550. I laugh - it's about what I expected.

But now that I understand what their deal is, I go ahead and try it.

So that's two days ago, right? I've taken this pill twice. I have not had brain fog for the last two days, although I have had disrupted sleep and 1 loose stool. I understand data. This is way too small a sample given the 'comes and goes' brain fog thing. It means nothing at this point.

The nurse from the doctor's office calls me (TWO DAYS!) saying she'd called my pharmacy and the Indian Health system didn't cover the pills so let's get me set up with a different pharmacy so I can get them there. And I'm like, 'I'm not paying for this stuff. I told the doctor up front - I don't have a problem with hot flashes. It's over $500 a MONTH. I'll take the free ones - and by the way your package had four weeks of pills in it, not six - but I'm not paying for this.'

She tried to talk me into it. Honest she did: 'aren't they helping you? Do you feel any effects? Don't you want to stay on it? We could set you up for them just in case.'

I laughed and told her, "I wish you showed this level of enthusiasm addressing my actual problem." (or, you know, addressing my cancer)

And she was, 'what problem is that?' with this sinking tone in her voice, like I'd told her I'd kicked her puppy.

I explained the brain fog. AGAIN. (To be fair, I don't know that she was the nurse in the room with the doctor or had any knowledge of my case other than a file.) So I also explained I'd been bringing this up for two years, had referrals about it, was keeping daily records at home trying to get to the bottom of it, was annoying my friends about it, had moved up my retirement schedule because of it, was trying decongestants and mushroom gummies for goodness sakes trying to find a solution. Maybe it's long COVID. I don't know and that's why I keep asking the medical professionals every time I'm in front of them. Or on the phone with them. Like her.

Yeah, no, the hot flash pills are a nice idea but my brain is not so far gone that I'm going to pay $500 a month for that 'nice'. Anyway, she said she'd look into routes where I could get it cheaper and rang off.

I still wish they'd show that level of tenacity and enthusiasm fixing my real problems.

[foxqueen-katarian]

So, called my doctors office (big chore), and talked to the receptionist, who informed me that I would get a call back from the on staff nurse practitioner who would get my appointment scheduled (big chore). After talking to the NP and letting her know what was going on (big chore) (been having weird not quite pain in my chest for a month that I'm pretty sure is a a repetitive motion injury but given how long it's been going on I'd like to have it looked at), she told me that if I'm having chest pain I need to go to the ER, and that there's nothing they can do for me in office about it. I tried to explain that all I was looking for was for someone to take my blood pressure and listen to my chest to make sure I was okay, and that the pain hasn't ever risen to a level where I felt like my life was in imminent danger. She repeats that I need to go to the ER if I'm having chest pain. She does offer to schedule me for a physical since I haven't had one since before Covid, but can't get me in until February. She reiterates that I should go to the ER.

.....

So I guess tomorrow when I get to work and my chest does it's thing I'm going to tell them I need to leave and go to the ER so they can tell me (hopefully) it's a repetitive motion injury and tell me to take some tylenol about it.