Discount Mountie for the character bingo! And I mean the OG Abercrombie one, not the butt chin replacement 🙏
Heh. Heheh. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE i was SAVING THIS ONE.
BITCH ASS DISCOUNT ABERCROMBIE MODEL MOUNTIE, MY NEMESIS (shakes fist, screaming into the sky)
I'm not even going to say his name. He doesn't deserve one. Also I genuinely can't remember it because I've been calling him Discount Abercrombie Mountie for so long to distinguish him from Forgettable Second Mountie. (What fucking factory do they make these guys in?!?!)
Like OKAY I get they were going for a slap-slap-kiss dynamic between Elizabeth and Discount, but it's just. It's not cute. Elizabeth is an accomplished, kind, brave woman who sticks around in a town full of people who are rude af and does her best to make a difference. Discount Abercrombie lurks around with a pouty look on his face because he apparently has More Important Mountie Things to Do than, idk, his actual job. Notorious for arriving at conflict situations an hour late, looking so awkward on a horse I was genuinely spending a lot of screentime wondering if he was going to fall and die (he does but not until Season 5, wow talk about blue balling me), and tipping his stupid hat in the stupidest way known to man. That hat should be CONFISCATED.
My mom doesn't like it when she texts me to talk about the latest episode and I have only mean things to say about Discount Abercrombie and/or his successor Forgettable Second. Both of them are very popular with moms. So I bite my tongue, and only here can I unleash my rage <3 <3
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People call Heaven Official’s Blessing / TGCF a slow burn but Hua Cheng is literally courting Xie Lian like they are DATING. Slow burn who??? They’re sleeping next to each other on straw mats and Xie Lian’s offering to cook him dinner and they’re bantering across THE HOME THEY SHARE like a bunch of desperate hussys
San Lang LEAVES XL WITH A KEEPSAKE OF THEIR TIME TOGETHER SLOW BURN WHOMST
They have A DATE in HC’s armoury where they HOLD HANDS and XL pets San Lang’s quivering sword I-
Hua Cheng basically throws himself at this man he’s like you want a sword?? All of them ?? You want ALL THE SWORDS?? Fuck it take the whole room THE WHOLE ROOM JUST COME VISIT I WILL CLEAN THEM FOR YOU
Like he isn’t the king of a whole realm with shit to do
And this is just the first half of the first book—again I ask the world SLOW BURN WHOMST
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So I recently learned Harvey and Jason's dad had BEEF and Harvey killed him apparently??? Okay. So. I propose we all imagine this:
You're Jason Todd. You're 4 years old.
You know, because the only reading material you have is your birth certificate. A copy of it, wilted by dry ink. You're always hungry. You get food sometimes, but no hugs, no kisses, no soft words. You're still hungry.
Your father only touches you with his belt or shoe or anything else he can grab and a small crumble of you welcomes it because it's better than nothing.
You're Jason todd, age 4, and you haven't seen your mother get up from the tub for 3 weeks. You try to shake her and wake her up but nothing worse. Your father takes his shower and doesn't care.
You're Jason Todd and you hear a voice -- gruff and thick but smooth and raspy, " Jesus fuckin' christ, Todd."
" I'm tellin' you I don't got the money. It ain't my fault that whore of yours left you and you're In a bad mood--"
You're Jason todd, hiding in a closet, when you hear the terryfing sound of your father being quiet for once. For once, he doesn't yell. For once, there's peace in your house. Gun smoke and all.
You're Jason Todd, age 4, when you meet Two Face. He's scary. He says he's gonna take you somewhere, and for you that's a Boogeyman's promise, so you trash and you scream and you yell, and he just holds you tight.
You hold back; He's big and warm and could crush you in paste, but he doesn't. He just rocks you and shushes you and promises he'll take you somewhere you'll like. He doesn't tell you to stop crying.
You do anyway, because you're 4, and you're tired, and you haven't had your nap all day because you were doing chores.
You're Jason Todd and you meet Bruce Wayne at 3 o clock in the morning.
He's tired; those dark clouds under his eyes indicate he hasn't slept, there's a hollowness to his sharp cheekbones, and he looks nothing like does on TV.
He doesn't look dazzling, or glamours, or dashing. He looks like someone whose adopted baby got taken back by their neglectful, dog shit parents, and he's never been more devoured by misery than then.
" harv..."
" thought you might know what to do with him," harvey shrugs, still keeping a tight hold on you, like he might lose you too, and you tremble and cry when you're moved away.
You don't make noise, thought. Making noise always gets you in bigger trouble. Bruce Wayne holds you like you're the most precious thing in the whole wide world.
He holds you're made of love and light and all things right.
And you still cry in his arms, because you just want your mommy, and you want to nap, and you want to read and you want to be kissed and hugged and cuddled you want everything you never got.
" Oh, Jason. Oh, sweetheart. "
You're Jason Todd, age 5, because today's your birthday. You spend the first 10 minutes of it sleeping gentle and teary in Bruce's arms, while another pair holds you both.
You're Jason Todd, and you might be the reason Bruce Wayne and Harvey Dent start talking again.
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