#ill be accused of talking shit and trying to make people feel bad for liking the 2012 on or something

[ghastbutlikegay]

i just realized that since i actually deliberately AVOID cartoon fandoms most of the time, having a cartoon blog on the fandom website probably isnt a good idea

[johannestevans]

thinking a lot about boundaries and expectations and like.

the way that "setting boundaries" can be used as a way to set restrictions on the extent to which another person is permitted to have emotions or express those emotions

and especially the way that those boundaries can be established not only as one-sided, but as a way of like. punishing people for asking for change or expressing hurt with how you've tread them or continuing to treat them

idk i'm in a position now where i'm sort of. out of quite an unhealthy situation where several ppl have been pretty hostile to like. my having emotional needs or responding to abusive treatment, and like

idk. none of the people involved are acting truly maliciously, none of them are doing it out of a desire to harm anybody, myself included - it's a combo of like. repeating abusive cycles and patterns in past relationships

and then also just. several people who are unfortunately just. too focused on their own feelings to the exclusion of other peoples', and like. bc they're focused to such an extent on "having space" with their feelings

they're not like. actually reaching out to the people they're having feelings about? not me, not anybody? and it's just that thing of like. if i do something harmful or that feels malicious, i can't apologise for it or clarify it

and then bc i'm like. the singular person who's been pushed to the outside as punishment for saying like. hi, don't shout or scream at me, please work to make me feel cared for and considered in our relationships, do not try to control or "set boundaries" about my relationships with other people or how i act in my own life

whereas for them it's three or four people talking about how malicious or unkind i am, none of them actually talking to me, but just talking in circles about me whilst never talking to me to clarify like

how i feel, especially about the exclusion and social punishment like. they're able to construct a version of me that's pretty separate from the reality, and i'm robbed of humanity? i'm not able to be complex or flawed in the way that they are as individuals in this collective

instead i'm just like. one outsider who is the enemy and can be retroactively considered to always have been the enemy

idk i know that polycule drama isn't new, and that esp when we all have mental illnesses and our own responses to like. anxiety and intimate relationships that might trigger old traumas and bad coping mechanisms like

sometimes shit like this happens, where it's genuinely not people being intentionally malicious or cruel, but it is ultimately doing a lot of harm to others

idk. i've been excluded from a group of people where like. one guy built up and built up resentment toward one trans girl before making her homeless, and then as soon as she was gone, the resentment and social exclusion was turned to me instead

and then in a few more months i'm sure that the like. insiders-vs-outsiders thinking will turn and cannibalise someone else from their social circle, and so on and so forth

and as shitty as this stuff is, it's really difficult to view it objectively from within - and as soon as you try to view it objectively from within, or talk about the genuine harms and risks caused, you become an interruption to the insiders-thinking

so you become a target for exclusion, because you're interrupting the function of or the feelings of the group, and you then become the enemy.

idk. more intelligent and better put-together people than me have talked at length about the connection between domestic abuse and coercive control within intimate relationships and cult behaviours, and obvs with a polycule like

the potential for that cult-like behaviour just becomes heavily exacerbated simply because there's more vectors for it.

idk. i'm sad bc i feel quite used and taken advantage of, and at the same time like a lot of people i love and care for are thinking of me in a way that's really dehumanising, and especially then like

accusing me of being "unwell" whilst not like. talking about ways in which their behaviours have contributed to my mental ill health? esp bc like.

bc after all of the talk of boundaries and "harm" when it comes to expressing one's own feelings, i've been so anxiously aware of overstepping that i'd literally be leaving these people alone for weeks and weeks at a time

where no care would be extended toward me, no one would check in, any hanging out had to be like. aggressively labelled as "casual" and you're not allowed to talk about any of the harmful or shitty stuff, because that ruins the vibe

so it feels like rather than being said out of care or concern for me, i'm being labelled as "unwell" as a way to like. make my responses to abusive treatment automatically irrational, and all of my feelings as worthy of dismissal?

like i've effectively been labelled as a hysteric and told to go to a professional, but even if the waiting list for free counselling was open tomorrow and i went to a counsellor and said

hi, i've been in a relationship with some of these people for a long time, these are things they've done that have made me feel distressed or upset, i have tried to express my feelings in x or y way, the response has been this

any professional worth their salt is gonna say like. well you should work on cultivating other relationships where you feel safe, cared for, respected, and loved.

you should feel safe and free to set reasonable boundaries and expectations, and respect those set by others, without feeling what's being limited is your humanity or your response to abusive or coercive behaviours

and that any relationships that feel so like. distinctly weighted in the favour of the other person to your detriment - especially when it's a group of people who have decided together you're worthy of punishment - should be avoided

idk. i think i probs want to write on this more and maybe do a big personal essay about it because i know it will feel cathartic even if i don't publish it widely or publish it under a pseudonym

and i'm just like. very aware of my own flaws and my own issues, and whilst i do think i'm ultimately like. being treated very poorly here, it's not a black and white thing of people desiring me to be hurt or treated poorly

it's far more a thing of like. not caring that i'm hurt or being treated poorly - or anyone else who's an outsider - because what has become more important is the good of the "group"

and that just. sucks.

it sucks when you realise that like. you can neither reason with the people who you thought loved you, nor connect to them emotionally and with mutual care, because they no longer extend that respect to you, nor feel in extending that vulnerability to you

it's a very profound sense of loss, and i know i'll be grieving it for a while

[iron-embers]

Your art on rule 34 🤡

Oh no, what a nightmare....

Not!

We all know you are the same troll that makes millions of sub accounts just to harass people as if that would work, but this is just laughable that you are trying and failing to taunt me as if this will hurt me in anyway. Congrats, you played yourself. The sheer stupidity of you committing art theft and showing your account on that degenerate site just shows how dumb you are. Did you honestly think I would be offended by you giving me evidence of your troll account which shows all your mental illness in one go. I mean, you gave me free advertisement which is a small plus but really I'm cackling at how pathetic you look doing this, thinking you have an ounce of power. As if you are to be feared just cuz you stole people’s art and twisted it.

Get out if your lil power trip, get some mental help, and maybe people will actually respect you. Cuz the only thing you're succeeding at in life is bringing people together that aren't toxic like you and they all despise the bullshit you're doing I literally could care less about your tantrums, real adults wouldn’t waste their time with a pathetic degenerate like you, but I’m responding only because you have shown yourself for the true psycho you are. I've seen all the stupid shit you have been pulling at some sad attempt for attention, I feel bad for the people that get hurt but wow, talk about you exposing yourself as the lil arrogant dumbass you are. I'm not even involved and I've seen all the racial slurs you've been throwing around, saying everyone that supports the people you don't like are white and racist, fun fact dumbass-

I'm a person of color, I'm Hispanic and as such seeing you trying to represent this is disgusting. I do not advertise my race because unlike you Race does not define my being, I do not judge people based on race, I form mutual respect with others that show me that same respect as a person. Race doesn’t mean shit when you are mental case trying to cause problems where there are none. I’ve already seen you reach out to multiple people to try and taunt them with false accusations, and the sheer fact you are racially profiling everyone based on art is even more racist in itself. I'm not even inolved in whatever drama your pulling, but you pulling the victim card just cuz you are a person of color is despicable, and you have the audacity to falsely claim I'm white is incredibly racist. Being white isn’t insulting, so what of the color of your skin. The people you insult are wonderful people we enjoy interacting with, and you are not and that has nothing to do with the color of your skin. I could be like you and be all "Oh boo hoo, are you scared of colored people, show more representation?!". But We are better than that, and left wondering what the actual hell is wrong with you. People are people no matter what race, and what you have shown is you are not deserving of being called equal if you don't have the human decency to treat others with respect. This is a place for people to enjoy their own lil piece of obsession, but you have taken it too far. One day I hope you go get the help you need, but seeing as how desperate you are for any shred of attention, you are beyond help. And as such your behavior does not deserve an ounce of attention.

People ignoring your stupidity isn't out of fear, it's the mercy they are giving you because why Grace stupidity with a response. You are pushing people to that point where they will no longer be tolerant to your Bs and I can promise you that will never get what you want. Take the hint, cut it out, and if you are just so offended by everyone here, then leave. People have better things to do in life, and you should probably put this ridiculous obsession into something more positive and productive. It makes you look an utter fool.

All of us will continue making what we love while you rot in your lil troll corner, with no courage to actually talk things out like an adult and the evil in your heart to try and fail to make everyone miserable. Imma keep laughing from your stupidity as I keep making what I love. If you wanna keep harassing, lying, and stealing art, go ahead and dig your own grave. Go ahead and give people more reasons to dislike you, I found this hilarious.

Let this be a post for those being harassed by this lil psycho or do not condone this idiocy, keep doing the amazing art and create without feeling as if twisted people have the power to ruin it. Cuz trolls don’t have any power over what you make and like, they will try but fail because they wish they had this confidence to being a respectful member of this fandom. Keep reporting them, keep blocking them, keep showing them that their degeneracy will get them nowhere. There are many of us that love and respect one another, and there is only one miserable ingrate that has nothing better to do than stir up trouble. Don’t let this troll ruin your fun just cuz they are a jealous idiot. They wanna throw around the retard insults at others, get a mirror troll, cuz this just shows how much of a retard YOU are.

[imbecominggayer]

Writing Advice On Self-Harm (tw obvi)

Hi, even though this post is going to be about serious issues such as self-harm and suicidal ideation and all of that fun jazz, I am going to speaking about this topic with the same tone I always do. If that is considered offensive, just remember I am a person who has been sent to the crisis center and does self-harm :)

Remember, these are just my personal experiences. Everything is diverse and it's okay to mention that these experiences are not universal. HOWEVER, don't accuse me of lying about any of this shit!

TW: Talks About Self-Harm, Mental Illness, And Everything Related

Actual Introduction:

Despite the fact that whump and angst tend to include mention of suicidal thinking and self-harm, they rarely feel realistic in my own point of view. Obviously, there are various different motivations and actions for self-harm but I just want to see some of my own representation.

So here are some myths about self-harm and myths about mental illness in general since they tend to overlap.

A) Everyone Who Self-Harms And Thinks Of Suicide Is Mentally Ill

Yeah, this is pretty big misconception in the community so I just wanted to establish this.

Outside influences like unhealthy friend circles, stressful situations, and abuse which are linked yet not conclusive for mental illness can influence someone's desire to do self-harm.

While mental illness is a big motivator for self-harm, self-harm is just a coping mechanism. And not everyone who uses coping mechanisms are mentally ill

B) Self-Harm Can Only Happen Like [EXAMPLE]

There are various different ways of self-harming.

Personally, I tend to scratch my arms and specifically my left hand since my dominate hand is my right. It's also just an easy place to reach.

So I get a tinsy bit upset when the only "serious" type of self-harm is shown by cutting. Especially since I felt that the only way someone would ever take me seriously is by using a knife.

Remember, readers are going to be reading your shit so please try and diversify your self-harming from the physical and the mental since every single self-harm habit outside of "ritualistic cutting" tends to be judged as "less serious" or "not real".

Mental self-harm is real and self-destructive.

C) Self-Harm Is Dramatic

This may just be a me-thing but my self-harming mental struggle definitely isn't like how other people write it.

Genuinely, I treat self-harm like it's just another thing I do.

"Oh yeah, sometimes I write, do a bit of scratching, read a book, and watch youtube"

I self-harmed exclusively in public spaces since my self-harm is mostly conflated with my anxiety. And these people do not notice a thing. Genuinely. LIke, I have literally turned my entire hand red and bloody and nobody noticed.

It's just that nobody ever suspects it since people don't think of scratching casually in class when they think of self-harm.

When I was forced to go the crisis center since I expressed planning of suicide, I was making jokes the entire time.

When I shared a room with this amazing person(they/them) who had bipolar disorder. We just talked about our sexualities, job dreams, and watched The Amazing World Of Gumball.

I miss them.

GRAND CONCLUSION:

The point of this last section is to illustrate the fact that those with mental illness aren't removed from society in the way authors tend to write them.

In the minds of authors, once you express possible symptoms of a mental illness you become this melodramatic inhuman spectacle of misery.

I'm pretty normal. I have hobbies that have no deep psychological justification. I have a family that isn't just pure trauma in a trench coat. I have thoughts of normal sadness, happiness, peace, and anger.

I just also happen to self-harm sometimes.

Again, this section might be problematic and bad but it's just how I feel. And there is no such thing as a "problematic feeling". All there exists are problematic actions.

TO REITERATE, IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME THAT IS FINE. I AM NOT THE GOD OF MENTAL STRUGGLE. I JUST WANTED TO THROW OUT MY OPINION.

sorry for offending anyone :(

[kamil-a]

if influencer speaker au had tumblr part 2

part 1

😻 catboyspeaker Follow

how i look with he/him in my bio

#speakerai #iamspeaker #speakies #.txt #am i funny #i know speakers not he/him in bio but i am and yknow the meme

420 earthstained notes

🚀 amongthestars Follow

AItube youtube essay rec list

"cute robot puppers, friendly ai vtubers, and the incredible human ability to form bonds" - rly interesting video about why we can connect so much with a person that we know "isnt real" and how it'll help us when we get far enough going to space that we meet aliens! it's a really optimistic video it made me take a moment to have such love for humanity

"I joined the speakcord for a month. Here's what I learned." - video about the speaker fandom and how the way automoderation works in its community spaces unintentionally leads to escalating conflicts, and the psychology behind why people in celebrity or idol fandoms react agressively to critique of their fave

"the lowest circle of advertising hell" - dissects how almost all speaker content comes with a call to action to get involved with aerolith and compares how it runs its social media against proto-aituber mascots who would be run by a team of human programmers/voice actors/authors. kind of overly critical but also makes some interesting points? take it with a grain of salt but its worth a watch

"imagine being on stage forever. feels bad right?" - good overview about debates in the speaker fandom over whether digital celebrities are 'sentient'/can feel emotion, the actual ethical problems of using them as workers vs whats mostly speculation and myth, and the debates about whether AIs should be allowed in human communities. i learnt a lot, i was definitely more on the side of "it's a program designed for certain outputs that look friendly to us" before but now im a lot more conscious that it can form real opinions!

#youtube rec tag #original post #speakies

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🎣 3eyedsalmon Follow

"falling for this shit" "made up to sell spaceships" weird as hell to accuse a content creator of lying abt its gender for clout.... like u dont have to like or watch it but cmon

#srsly every time u go to a haters blog BOOM digital exclusionist #speakies

2,385 earthstained notes

🎤 mikusong Follow

omfg i didnt realize aerolith uses the same robot voice for its regular person ads as its terminally online hello fellow kids social media posts i just got jumpscared in the doctors office

#speakies #i say terminally online affectionately. i watch those streams too. before you 'ok but you RECOGNIZED it' reply lmao #bla bla bla

9,021 earthstained notes

🤖 tycho

some of you ppl jump down anyones throat if they so much as suggest speaker isn't sentient or call it "a program" but still are fine with it basically being forced to be putting on a show for u 24/7 by its management like you can't have it both ways

#maybe its cuz i used to be into kpop n we'd talk abt how idols r treated and stuff #but its just so weird to come here and see u ppl be like yayyy daily content!! #like only thinking abt ur own entertainment and not how it feels #i honestly feel rly bad for it i hope it can break free someday #idk how thatd even work.... idk ill sneak into aerolith with a usb #were gonna get you OUT of there u dont BELONG in there.mp4 #speakies

53 earthstained notes

🌝 themoonluvsuback

guys i pitched down some clips of speaker's voice and ummmm its kinda 😳 fjsdjfdjjd sorry i'll take myself to horny jail

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

awww, tumblr user themoonluvsuback, you're of no use to anybody in horny jail! take yourself here instead! ae.dy.org/registration

🌝 themoonluvsuback ♻️

OMFG SPEAKERRRRRR IM SO SORRY

#DIES #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #GUESS ILL BLAST MYSELF OFF TGE PLNATE!!!!!! #SPEAKIES

402 earthstained notes

🐣 laikatwo Follow

hi speakies im trying the tag cause i need some advice... does anyone have more sciencey resources about what aerolith does/why it's so important to bring humanity to the stars? i want to enlist when i turn 18 next month but my parents both are COMPLETELY against it.... they're not rly fandom people so the speaktube stuff isn't working on them lol and they've already seen the tv ads

thanks <3

#i've never fought w them this bad in my life it makes me so sad..... like why can't they understand #and right before my bday too lol this sucks #this isnt just a silly fandom thing anymore for me it's my passion in life #its amazing that humans are able to survive in space #and i want to be part of that!!!! #laika speaks

252 earthstained notes

🐝 beegirlstinger Follow

i do want to apologize for the way i came off earlier and want to explain im not doubting that speaker is nb. like i think it's completely fine for a computer or robot to be trans i don't believe in gatekeeping that! THAT SAID i still stand by saying you should not sign up to go to space to get special ultra futuristic hrt on the sole recommendation of someone who does not have an endocrine system

#it was a personal vent i didnt mean for like 20000 ppl to see it but thats tumblr i guess #i wouldve worded it much differently if i knew itd blow up lol #i do feel bad abt coming across like i was misgendering it! #but srsly if we had results on HRT2.0 why wouldnt we be seeing HRT2.0 timeline videos of ppl On Typhon who are getting it 🤷‍♀️ #personally i think its still in the planning stages and they want ppl to test it on but thats just me #speakies

839 earthstained notes

🔊 iamspeaker

🔊 General Notification

Happy Thursday everyone 😃 ! Please take a look at the

🐝 STREAM SCHEDULE 🐝

So you know when to join us!

5PM PST - AMONG US with YOU! The first 10 people to sign up here will get our room code sent to them ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ ae.dy.org/registration

8PM PST - Nature walk!! Can we restore the local bat population to pre-meteor levels in just one night?! 🦇

✅️ Poll Of The Week ✅️

#iamspeaker #aerolith dynamics #speakies #vtuber #content creator #gamer #stream #amongus #bat population

1836 earthstained notes

contentremovedremade--deactivated

speakies are stupider than any other group of ppl on earth because not only do they willingly stay in a fandom with doxxing drama happening weekly but they include the huge corporation that sponsors their fave in the stanning

#the shit ppl have sent me in the past 2 weeks since i Dared criticize their uwu robot 🙄🙄 #i got my blog mass reported for harassment... harassing WHO a corporation????? #a* d* was evil genius to harness anime stan power against criticizing their actual real business #didnt that one guy with the second meteor conspiracy video also get a ton of hate from u ppl?????????? I cant even find any of his social media anymore at all he was so fully bullied off the face of the earth #speakies #yeah im tagging come at me bro

48 earthstained notes

🖱 robotmarriage Follow

i miss when the speakies tag had like fanart and gifsets n stuff i feel like these days you scroll thru solid discourse 😔😔

#i think ppl were suggesting speakieproductivity as an alternative tag for just fanwork? #but nobody rly uses it rn... we gotta restart that #speakies

148 earthstained notes

🪐 spaaaaaaaaaaace Follow

10 likes and i take a sip of my speaker server coolant water 100 likes and i drink the entire thing

🔊 iamspeaker ♻️

let's get her to the goal! tumblr user spaaaaaaaaaaace, feel free to send me a video report here ^w^ ae.dy.org/submissions

#iamspeaker #speakies

4,026 earthstained notes

[rosieartsie]

Some vent about the personal project I’m making under the line

So I’ve started doing this personal project called “On the Mountain, Alone” and it’s just a way for me to convene with myself, with my child self and very recently with my teenage self too. My therapist said something very poignant about me going on a journey solo, that I’ve been packing for three, that I’ve been looking backward and anticipating I’m gonna see my ex partners this climb I’m on with me, that I need to pack all this shit to prepare for their return when they’re on a separate mountain and I’m on this one, alone. At first, deciding to make this project felt really good. Hanging out with child me, visualizing being in a beautiful mountain pass around nature, just spending time with little me was really good for me. When I used to visualize her, she was a child in a mall, screaming and crying and lost and people would just pass her by like she isn’t their problem. It was always my job in my mind to pick her up, to hold her tight, to keep her safe. But my therapist told me as good an impulse as that is, children need to explore and laugh and be on their own feet, I have to put her down and let her breathe and calm down. On the mountain, I can, and I’ve made a bunch of art of her playing in water, climbing trees, catching frogs— it’s felt so good to see her be happy and safe, cuz nothing can hurt us on the mountain.

But teenage me has shown up, and I’m so glad she’s here, but it’s hard to help her and love her correctly when I'm in the same place she is in. I'm 14 again, at 32, wondering why I am so difficult to love, why I am easy to abandon, why people see the worst in me, why people who said they loved me can pretend I never existed. For her, it's our parents, it's our first love riding past us in the park after ignoring our heart felt attempts to make up, it's our friends suddenly deciding they hate us and ignoring us at school. For me, it's all those things too, plus the recent things. Being cut off without a second thought, being accused of things I didn't and wouldn't do, being left behind and told I was the source of every problem when I was working and trying and still willing to fight for a love I promised would last forever. I was moving out so that things could return to the dating phase, so we could turn down the insane pressure in our home, so we could prepare to see each other and talk things out without feeling like we were trapped on top of each other. I got told I never had empathy. I got called cruel and petty. I was lied about and lied to, and when it happened I asked myself, why explain, why beg, why negotiate? They've already decided they don't want you. And they didn't. And they don't. They have painted a version of me that is all my worst parts, a person you'd sigh in relief to be away from. So I said okay, and I shut it all off, and I accepted that this experience is a cornerstone of my life and screaming, crying, begging, explaining has never earned me love or grace. Teenage me wants to know why no one understands us. She wants to know why people leave and don't come back and don't miss us, she wants to know if we matter, she wants to know why loving us is something people can throw away without looking back. 6 months ago, I would have told her that our parents and teenage boys are ill equipped to be loving, but we are loved now, we are valued and important, we won't ever have to worry about such things because even if things get hard or bad, the love we have now will find its way back because we've learned how to choose people who really love us. But now, all I can tell her is I don't know, I'm sorry, these things happen, and even if they don't love you, I do, so, so, so much. You are not difficult to love, I don't know why this happens. We lay in the rain. We climb up to high places. We cry and I hold her for as long as she needs. The art is physically painful to create and dappled with my tears. I don't know what to tell myself to heal a thing that was broken when I was 14, was at the root of so many of my romantic and platonic choices, and that now, double that time and some change later, I am here again when I never imagined I would be. I know I need to keep doing this work… but I'm not sure what waits on the otherside of all of this. I guess I just have to keep going, up the mountain, alone.

[dappersautismcreature]

hey sorry this is super outta nowhere but i was scrolling thru the mcytconfessions blog n saw you saying youre a wilbur hater and im genuinely curious as to why?

this isnt me waiting to like. white knight him and bite your face off btw. i like wilbur but this *is* genuine curiosity pls dont be afraid lmfaoksdsdfkhf

ah yeah, sorry nonnie, and no worries. sorry for the rant ahead i just wanna lay it all out.

listen, its pure vibes, i dont really have an explanation for it. i liked him just generally for a while, but i watched a video where he talked about american gun control and it just came off super uck to me. like, a lot of british lefties have this weird thing where they will assume americans are all stupid just for kicks when we've actually been indoctrinated to think the way we do. i guess i just dont like seeing brits have political takes that are just pure "america needs to get its shit together" cause yeah bro we know, focus on whatever the fuck is up with ur government please. I feel like if i talked politics with wilbur soot he would be condescending as shit and basically explain to me what socialism is or whatever when its like, dude,, please. british lefties think they know more than the average young american, which is most of the time not true, or not something to insult someone over. (this is also because he reminds me of a shitty ex friend who was in the states for AMERICAN STUDIES but would just talk on and on and on about how dumb americans were -___-)

and its more than that, i never get idolization of people, like, online people. the closest ive come to it was technoblade maybe? gtws is pretty awesome too, bbh is low level idolization maybe. so it weirds me out when people are just in awe over him, makes my instincts go wild. im really not accusing him of anything, i know this is just the silly brain reacting silly. it just weirds me out. his fans do not know him, nobody's fans know the person, and yet they act like they do, and like he's gods gift to leftism and queerness when he is,, a cishet maybe-aro upperclass man from britain. nothing against him really.

oh, and his fans tick me off because theyre ALWAYS inserting him into things and just. listen, i dont like having to scroll through tons of wilbur fics in the qsmp tag when im just trying to get to some badboyhalo or etoiles centric fics. the man has been on the qsmp for like less than a week of playtime and he's the fourth most tagged character on the qsmp ao3 tag.

not to mention he gets dragged into other plots like "what if this actually happened to wilbur!" or "yeah but what if wilbur was there!" or my most hated "cant wait till this character meets wilbur because i cannot enjoy this media (which is about finding and enjoying a bunch of ccs) if it doesnt have my guy in it!" like i get it, you have a hyperfix or a special interest, ive been there, but maybe then go watch stuff he's actually in, instead of forcing him into a plot he really isnt that big a part of anymore.

people also praised his dsmp writing when it was,, average at best. honestly i think bbh's and the eggpire's writing did way more for the dsmp because they actually tried to include other people in the plot as much as possible, instead of just writing for you and a few of your friends. imo, c!wilbur was an ok character, like, nothing bad, but nothing extraordinary for me. utah is death, ok buddy got it, wow, insane. yeah yeah we've all been to the soul sucking pit of utah, haha i get it. << this is just pure salt ignore that lmao

oh and lovejoy didnt fuckin invent political indie rock, people need to get over themselves on that one.

so yeah, its just a thing of, i cant really bring myself to like him. the brain goes wonky when he's around. kinda wish i didnt like, get angry when he's on screen but idk i cant really stop myself. nothing againstt you if you like him, ill usually tag anyy wilbur neg with #wilbur crit so if you wanna mute that tag. i dont post it too often tho.

[c0rpseductor]

related to last rb like genuinely it drives me crazy the amount of people who feel like they’re taking the Moral High Ground for relentlessly mocking anyone who so much as mentions DID bc they’re like. saving the mythical Real DID Havers from mockery, and apparently in these people’s heads severe trauma survivors also like, can’t go online or have hobbies and just shiver in a dark bedroom all day

i think im a bit better about this now that ive been doing better about the compulsion to doomscroll but all that shit really served to do was make me paranoid about receiving verbal abuse for talking about my symptoms & my experiences of Very Serious Abuse early in life, and ill-equipped to handle when i did just the once get some dumbshit anon telling me DID isn’t real bc i expressed frustration with like. having it.

like the fact of the matter is mental illness and specific diagnoses and circumstances under which one might try to identify the issue they have without the help of a professional are all really complicated and flattening all of that into “well, fakers” does absolutely nothing except make every conversation one that starts from a place of bad faith.

and that’s even taking into account that i think a lot of social media approaches to DID aren’t always healthy, great, or super representative of how the disorder presents outside of certain online cultures. that doesn’t automatically mean these people are like. maliciously wrong, or even wrong at all, it just means i don’t always agree with them or consider their advice as helpful for my own road to recovery.

like being obsessed with fakers does precisely no one any good and i’d honestly rather take a liar on faith than accuse someone of lying who was being honest about a disorder i know From Experience is painful, frightening, alienating, and extremely difficult to talk about

[beemers-hell]

is bones really innocent? seems like they only got off bc theyre well known in the fandom

(i will talk pretty extensively about self harm for this, fair warning!)

"innocent" isn't a good word to use for this, they were put on the spot for how they self harm and they weren't approached for an explanation before they were accused of liking pro/shit bullshit. If there's anyone who's gonna know what kind of person it actually is its gonna be me, I know for a fact that the reason it read some gross fics is so he could self harm by re traumatizing himself. I know Why he wanted to hurt himself because I know what fucked up shit he'd experienced shortly before which caused him to look for stuff to sh with. He's also already explained the kind of horrific shit he's experienced in his life that pushed him to read proshit stuff as a means to self harm in the first place, and I've already explained that I've been helping him to overcome that habit and try to do my best to help him heal from all that awful shit.

I'm not gonna defend a person that I've seen irrefutable evidence as being into proship stuff Or anything else gross like that, even if they're my partner or one of my friends, I don't fuck with that shit! I'm not gonna be sympathetic to them, I'm gonna be really harsh about it, but thats not the sitch here. Its done a very good job of wiping any possibility of seeing that content off of its feed, and not relapsing into intentionally seeking it out again. There have been MULTIPLE times where they had stumbled across gross proship stuff without trying to and they had what I'd describe as panic attacks and breakdowns over it, I've been with them when they happened and I've seen the kind of affect it has on them, it is no where near positive.

Don't get me wrong, its bad that he consumed that content, but it doesn't make him a bad person, he was using it to hurt himself. I know a NUMBER of people, from every corner of my life and the internet whether it be my irl friends, my online friends, people In this community and other places online, who have done the exact same thing to self harm, but I'm not going to say anyone I know who hurts themselves like this is a terrible person because they're not using it as something to get enjoyment out of. They need help overcoming habits that are damaging them further, and they KNOW thats what its doing. I'd be FAR less sympathetic if I knew they actually liked that stuff or they were making that shit themselves, but again, that's not the case here. Mental Self Harm is a very real form of sh and we need to recognize it as such!

I engage wirh this kind of thing, not by looking at proshit stuff, but ill do things like rereading old texts from people who severely hurt me, I'll read about the experiences of people whove experienced the same kinds of abuse as me as a way to relive it when I feel particularly unstable, I'll intentionally expose myself to disturbing fictional images or stories when I'm having a paranoid breakdown because I KNOW its going to make me experience delusions and put me in a very long lasting state of mental stress. we don't self harm in the same ways but its still self harm regardless, and it has the same damaging effect. That's what caused this and thats what were working on healing from.

[queerautism]

Can I just say that the inclusive plural community being relatively small sucks not just for obvious reasons, but because when an extremely well-known inclusive system uses inherently harmful rhetoric (prescriptivism) to justify an utterly neutral opinion that they have every right to have as the coiner of a term(1), and you need to process the intense trauma response and PTSD triggers that came up due to the harmful rhetoric while still supporting the conclusion they came to just not their justifications...

That because they are in every community, there's nowhere to process your own emotions without being accused of vaguing, disingenous misrepresentation (as opposed to either misrepresentation due to bias from being triggered or not the accusation of misrepresentation itself being disingenous), trying to start drama, being laterally violent, or being a psy-op?

None of those things have happened... because I'm too afraid to talk about it. I've seen decent people talking about stuff like this in much larger communities (like the trans community) face these accusations even for saying "I am dealing with my own emotional shit from a completely innocuous thing that I saw someone say" without naming said person then be accused of these things. Let alone when someone says "hey this is a decent person who I respect but this specifically is not okay".

I'm hoping this may be wildly unspecific enough so that this never gets back to them because I'm not trying to vague or start drama at all, I am taking every length I can to avoid it while still being able to talk about what happened in any meaningful way. They're not bad people and yet when I see their icon or username pop up my whole body feels physically ill and I panic like nothing else. While their words were inherently harmful, my reaction is not proportional, and me wanting to talk about the harm that I EXPERIENCED that's RELATED to how their words are objectively harmful is not me saying they are directly responsible for all of what I'm feeling. They are not blameless but not to blame for the whole thing but I can't adequately talk about my reaction without talking about the part they DID play in it.

Idk if that makes any sense. I just wanna be able to find support and community but the only places where that's possible are essentially where they are still within earshot.

(1) Though it is just that, an opinion, and I disagree with it. I believe death of the author applies to coiners even more than regular authors because labels should be determinist. And I do mean not literal death but as in once it is published it is to be interpreted as others see fit and coiner intent does not matter all that much as long as it is being used in good faith.

I definitely understand what you mean, and it does make a lot of sense. I'm sorry you're dealing with this situation. I have CPTSD and I understand being triggered like this and having to deal with a disproportionate emotional response. It's difficult stuff.

[pterodactylterrace]

Yes you are mean and what's worse is that you don't even realize it

Oh, I can be very mean. I’m a mirror of what I get, so that leaves the question: what did you do to trigger that? I know me, sweetie, and your story has plot holes. First, I don’t reblog Daemon gifs. I may love Matt Smith, but I can’t stand his character. Second, I’ve gone through my reblogs for the last month and there is (shockingly) no gif of Daemon. So either I’m living in your head rent free for over a month, or you’re just making shit up because I called you out on your own bullshit. Either way, that is a you problem.

And just for the record, as it is stated numerous times on my blog, I’m autistic. I can be rude without meaning to, and trying to shame me for it is pretty fucked up. Perhaps try showing me exactly what I did so I have a chance to clear up any misunderstanding rather than accusing me of being mean for no reason? This is the third ask you have sent in just accusing me of being so mean you deactivated an account with 0 context or even a clue as to who you are. Either come off anonymous, send in a SS of what I did, or leave me alone. I was sorry your feelings got hurt. Not feeling so bad anymore, tbh.

Perhaps some therapy would do you more good than accusing random strangers on the internet of hurting your feelings? Or even learning about this handy thing called the BLOCK feature. You see, if someone is being too much, you are well within your rights to block them. I do it all the time! Matter of fact, if the trend holds up, you’re another person who overstepped a boundary and I had to check, and then blocked for my own mental wellbeing. Sure would be nice if people would learn to respect when someone doesn’t want to talk to them.

I would like to leave my asks open, but if you’re going to keep hiding behind the anonymous feature, I’m just going to take it away. I don’t want to do that because it’s easier for others to approach me to ask about mental health or chronic illness if they can do it anonymously.

If it’s bothering you so much you can’t just block me and move on, and instead feel the need to keep harassing me, then this website isn’t for you.

[araelinn]

Y'know I often think about psychological disorders when it comes to accountability, making excuses vs explaining. It's such a fine line to thread.

Using myself as an example. I have ADHD, so that means I have problems with executive disfunction. So when I'm in executive disfunction mode. And get accused of being lazy while I'm giving myself almost an anxiety attack to try an break the paralysis. It hurts.

Yet I would be lying by saying that I dont procrastinate. Just because most of the times is the former, it doesn't mean the latter doesn't happen.

I feel like society needs to get better at accomodating and destigmatizing these conditions. However when we're talking at the personal level. If because someone's boundaries were broken unintentionally by me due to my condition, they decided they don't want to do anything with me anymore.

That's okay too.

It hurts, yes, a lot actually. But if I'm expecting someone to respect my boundaries, then if I broke a boundary however unintentionally. I will have to live with said consequences. It may feel unfair yes. But if you're asking someone to respect your boundaries or deal with cutting the relationship. Then I'm sorry but we have to deal with the same consequences, mental illness or not.

I think about this especially when I realize how patient some of my loved ones are when it comes to my deficiencies. I think some are obligated to have a higher threshold by default (parents for example, I'm sorry but you decided to take risk when having children, and it's your obligation to do your best to help, to a reasonable extent). But others, I respect them. Because I'll be the first to admit I would have ended a relationship with myself with some of the shit I used to pull, intentional or not . Still pull sometimes, sometimes the only thing you can hope for with some conditions is reduction not elimination.

And those people are the ones that motivate me to get better. To prove their trust and patience with me was not misplaced. To prove their belief that I can be better. Because when I don't believe it myself. It helps me to know others believe in me.

But yeah if someone cuts me off because my financial problems remind them of someone who made them go into very bad debt. Or my emotional disregulation triggers them. Then I will wish them the best, and continue searching for those that understand and can cope with understanding me when I'm at my worst. Those whose thresholds I don't break. Just like I try to provide to those whose conditions or problems or defects, however you want to call them, dont break mine.

[moonwalker-kenni]

It's getting harder and harder to list people who didn't betray Michael Jackson. I'm so confused why the whole world thought it was OK to bully and abuse this man.

There are rumors out there saying that he put some of the stories out there on his own, but even if he did, it still says more about the people who took those stories and decided to make fun of him than anything. I feel like if he did release some of the Tabloid stories, it probably came from a place of frustration with some of the wild things that were being made up about him anyway. Of course I could just be projecting or completely off base. I'm just going based on what would make me do that if I were him.

So many people talk about him as though he was completely insane. First of all, I don't see that at all. Anxious, maybe? But certainly not "paranoid" - I feel like it's only paranoia if it's not based in reality. And they actually murdered him so...

There's evidence of perfectionism as well. Possibly body dysmorphia but idk. But nothing as bad as people say. My second point, though, is that even if it was as bad as people say, why isn't our first reaction one of compassion and understanding? Why is it socially acceptable to treat people with mental illnesses like shit?

I understand that some of the people who treated him this way did so because they believe he did horrible things to children. And to those people, I don't direct any of these questions.

But for those who don't believe that he has done those things but have treated him so, so badly...I just don't understand why.

The accusations against him, if not true, are another form of bullying. If his childlike demeanor was not an act, making fun of him for it is so awful. He loved children because they didn't treat him like shit. And because adults are hecking awful!

Some kids can be totally rotten of course lol but I see how children responded to him and for someone who is profoundly lonely amongst adults with a bunch of unsavory motives, being around children who just want to be near you and have fun and love you makes so much sense to me. Children almost always want to protect him - I've seen a little girl not want to cut her birthday cake just because the cake had Michael's picture on it. Another one tried to wipe away a tear through the television. And another told him she wanted him to be happy during one of the worst times of his life. Adults have never been like that for him. Well, there are a few he mentioned who were. But the vast majority - and one of the most important adults in his life (his father) - either wanted something from him or derided him.

I just think about the purity of the love I've had for Michael since I was a child. It hasn't changed, and I kind of attribute that to my being autistic. It could be something else - maybe there are other reasons I love the way I do. But I just want to protect him and give him what he needs to be safe, happy, healthy, and comfortable. I don't want anything from him. I feel that I don't love him because of his talent. I have been exposed to him because of his talent. But if he never sang a note or danced a step, I'm pretty sure I would still absolutely love him just as deeply. He was such a beautiful soul.

My mom says that she remembers having him on the television screen doing absolutely nothing - you know how he stands there and lets things simmer 😂. And I was a small baby - 1 or 2. And I just stared at the screen, completely mesmerized. I have never not loved him.

I hate that he didn't get to live the life I feel he deserved. Full of affection, respect, security, love...lots of things. And I hate that everywhere he turned, there was someone trying to take something from him and then gaslight him into thinking he's overreacting or being paranoid or relishing in victimhood.

I know I'm probably writing this with the "rose-tinted glasses" view of him. And that I'm only thinking of this from the perspective that he is this wonderful, amazing, gentle, kind person. That's kind of the point, though. As someone who believes that he was a good person who lived an unprecedented (and un-replicated) life, I cannot understand why people were so awful to him. Included in that "good person," I acknowledge the possible "flaws" (if they must be seen that way) of perfectionism, anxiety, and body dysmorphia. I think those things should be approached with kindness and compassion. I mean honestly that is all Michael has ever shown us. Shown the world. People have treated him terribly for being "weird". For being different. And that is so awful.

I write this after reading what John Landis has said about him in the past. For context. I feel that his words are misinformed (Michael did not bleach his skin) and honestly reprehensible. Completely insensitive. Lacking compassion. And frankly not based in reality - if I remember correctly, he mentioned their interaction taking place in 2007? Apparently Michael wanted him to work with him on another short film and John's response was that he was too grotesque to shoot. There have been times when Michael did not look his best (he was always beautiful to me though) but 2006-2007 was definitely NOT one of those times. Ugh. I just want to set John Landis ablaze but obviously I cannot and will not do such a thing. I just felt so disappointed and I'm so angry about it.

This post is long enough. I guess now's a good a stopping point as any.

[zigidaoma]

so i'm at about one and half weeks of being completely sober

I'll be turning thirty-one this year and after the last couple of years of struggling with daily drinking, i decided to start off the new year by going completely sober.

i have a long history of using many different substances since high school. I go from snorting pills to smoking cigarettes to drinking to robotripping, smoking weed to syn. all the stupid shit i can put into my body with varying degrees of damage that comes with doing different substances.

I have an excuse for every time i started up on something new and an explanation behind every week to years long spiral i've ever taken. i've gone through withdrawals that in hindsight where probably life threatening but at the time i still felt young and invincible and i'll be damned if i don't do what i want to do. I've been wrapped up in the court system and had mandatory AA meetings and social worker counseling's that i gleaned nothing other than "i'm not like the others you talk about" because i was always able to stop one habit when i wanted to. I would know i was doing more than the average person and i would still keep on doing it because i knew when i actually wanted to quit i would. and generally speaking i usually did.

I know my approach is self medicating over NEEDING to put something in my body. you could argue that addiction and self-medicating are the same thing. maybe it is, i don't really know since i'm not some specialist in it but i know that for me, i don't feel like my relationship with substance use is like other people i've talked to who've walked back from addiction or are in the throws of it. the closest i've felt is a craving for a cigarette in a hard moment. I know i slip back time and again when life gets hard but it's never been to feel better, it feels, to me, to function. to self-medicate in a way that people with a doctor would. i just didn't have a doctor.

i had a psychiatrist back in middle school, before i ever even dared try something i knew as a child shouldn't use. i frequently didn't like the way my medication made me feel, i was ignored on that front, and other than making me more manageable for the adults in my day to day life[teachers, coaches, ect], i didn't function better. my grades were still bad, my room was still a mess, my goals and ambitions non-existant as i tried to scrape away parts of myself to fit the standard mold of what i should be able to do at my age.

and then i had one psychiatrist who started me on a host of heavy medication all at once, and my mom, the social worker, wouldn't even let me know where the medication was kept in the house. she would simply bring me my cocktail in the morning after i woke up and i would take them with a glass of water and get ready for school. one day, following this routine, i became violently ill. I ended up in the hospital and was told i had overdosed on my prescribed, meticulously administered medication. The psychiatrist accused me of abusing my medication, the doctor who was treating my physical symptoms was telling me that all of my issues where because i just needed to start eating elderberries. they both got into such a tug of war about it we had to stop seeing both doctors and my medical team was hauled over by my mom.

but the damage was pretty much done. it was clear to me that no one cared if i was happy, no one cared if i was functioning. That was when i decided to start self-medicating.

and that started what has now been essentially half of my life of using substances as i saw fit to accomplish what i wanted. since i was sixteen i haven't gone more than a week of not using something to self sooth, focus and rally myself into taking on the world. it has been my cornerstone for socializing, initiating, finalizing and performing the most basic functions to take care of myself. I've always had alcohol, nicotine, cannabis, and pretty much anything else i could get my hands on to create my desired outcome of myself.

as of this moment, i quit nicotine[for the fourth time] four months ago, i had been socially smoking weed and would occasionally have a cup of coffee at work for the last couple of years so that one wasn't too hard to just cut off these past few days, and this is the longest i've been without a drink in the past three years.

i occasionally did everything aforementioned in great excess in my early twenties but felt like i had figured out how to manage on a supplemental amount as i matured.

I have had little withdrawal from drinking, just not being able to sleep much the first few nights. i've otherwise come to realize that i'm not really working through a physical dependency so much as a mental one. I still am hesitant to put myself back in to a psychiatrists seat but i feel that the problem is less the substance and more so myself. i imagine i'll drink at some point again, but when that is is up to the wind. i keep feeling like this exception to things, negatively and positively.

Obviously i'm still very early on this journey of sobriety and i'm trying to be reflective and look at it in a way that hasn't worked the last 15 years. i've been functioning and i've accomplished things and i've fallen and i've had horrible losses and it feels like few wins at times. I dont feel that i have substances as a part of my identity like some people who struggle do. I don't feel like it's this physical craving[since quitting alcohol all i've craved is a cigarette in passing moments, oddly enough], i've just been thinking about how this is the cleanest i've kept my system in so many odd years and it doesn't really feel all that different. I don't feel like i'm describing it all that well but i guess i just thought quitting would be harder? i thought things would somehow become easier in some ways? other things would become more difficult? the scales would tip somehow in some way that i had just barely been keeping at stasis through my regular use. but not much has changed. i get the same amount of stuff done as before. my hobbies and interests has held fast, socializing is about the same, my job has not become easier or harder to maintain, it seems like almost no one has noticed that i have quit using unless i have said otherwise to the matter. i dont know if i want this big change i thought would happen from becoming sober but it feels anti-climatic for it all to stay the same sans substance use. maybe i'm too early in the game to call it as i see it.

[prince-tulip]

Im so terrified. I dont want to get hurt. Its not even been a month and i am so fucking obsessed and invested and i definitely want to be, i know what i feel and do want but its like damn I got hurt so fucking devastatingly bad this year that literally killed me, the levels of despair i cannot feel again, i am not strong enough for that, i barely have made it back to reality and its like as soon as i get the hang of things, things get crazy again and its like everything is exactly how ive always wanted them to be right now and i couldn't be more happy cause i truly know what i feel and when things are at its best, god its so fucking perfect but i feel im not able to talk to anyone yet or be more open about stuff cause i feel like a secret, like ill get casted out again..like i worry i am getting kept in the dark so i dont see or experience something bad, like for example they dont have me on their social media at all and i feel weird and scared about asking or getting on there and getting triggered by something and that maybe im just being used for validation and as a rebound because im so forgiving and easy to talk to or something.. in return its causing me to not know what's really happening, am i what they want? Are they talking to anyone else? Do they think so highly of me like i do them? Do they recognize the way we move together and talk to eachother? Is it as meaningful to them as it is me? Its like i know would lie about where they were or what they wang and their true intentions before, so why wouldn't they lie again? But at the same time thats not fair, cause its like i coukd very well be accused of being shitty too and still actually not be doing anything shitty and its like man..i feel like ive been living a honest and decent life, i maybe do keep to myself a bit much but i just enjoy my company and also not feeling like i have to explain myself caused ik people often times feel they have a say in things when they do not..i dont think bad things are happening behind my back the last two weeks or so and things have been magical and passionate and full of conversations, synchronized behavior, mutual understanding, growth, literally alway being able to meet in the middle on something, the dynamics i adore, we are so different but so much alike and I love it with all my being and im continuesly betting on the good things but that first week and a half idk..things seemed really off at certain moments that maybe hinted at things but again i can get very paranoid and of course cant control someone's actiona..I just dont want to throw awayy boundaries in attempts to please and i feel ive done that already in a lot of ways but by simultaneously finding such new perspectives and found love that was always there just stuck and idk i guess the feeling of trust has become so hard this year. Ever since January and in between i felt very used and thown away and lied to because i was to a degree i guess and even if ive done wrong in the past and yeah did i royally do some stupid fucking idiot type shit but ik it doesn't justify getting hurt back and i had to really come to terms with that. I had let go of that crazy person in me that would stay up two days straight crying and obsessing over what was and what is and whats happening without me, while drunk or high out of my mind constantly and go through the loneliness, the guilt, the shame, the loss all on my own in a small room with literally no one to talk to and forcing myself to come as close to dying as possible and finally move on from everything aweful in my life ever and do my best to block out every single god aweful image or notion in my head that i would get, causing insecurities and paranoia that i didn't know i was capable of...im really trying to make sense of everything cause everything is so fucking touchy right now but still having to push through and communicate and understand and love with all of my heart and vice versa I think wins every time and i feel life has been showing me that

[biglisbonnews]

Pauli Cakes on the Spiritual Side of Clubbing When it comes to going out, the goal is to always have a good time. Unfortunately, though, things don’t always work out that way, especially when plans get bungled or everyone has a few too many tequila shots. But what about those times when nothing overtly bad happens and you still come home feeling ill, inexplicably exhausted on both a physical and emotional level? Is that ick just the ketamine, or are you just getting old? As xCakes founder Pauli Cakes says, it could also be your intuition trying to tell you something, which is why they want to provide partygoers with a guide to protecting their precious energy.As the NYC-based nightlife veteran explains, the spiritual is an important yet oft-ignored aspect of the party experience, with the ability to either elevate your outing or turn it into a living nightmare. But thanks to our societal aversion to conversations about spirituality, Cakes tells PAPER that “people will go years or their whole lifetimes not really understanding what has affected them,” much to their own mental and physical detriment.“They won’t know what went on that one night when they started feeling ill or having paranoia,” Cakes explains, referring to the times you come home from the club feeling like shit, whether rhia manifests itself as anxiety, anger or just a strange heaviness. “I think a lot of times when we get lost in the sauce, we don't really take a step back to think like, ‘I was in the club last night, and I came home with a headache and my body aches,’” they continue. “‘Maybe I was exposed to some bad energy, or some evil eye, or an energy vampire or something. Because [all I did] was have a conversation with that person.”For example, they talk about a past encounter with a crying stranger, who violated their spiritual and physical boundaries by placing their hand on Cakes’ shoulder while accusing them of trying to fight, during which everything started to feel “hazy.”“My feet were implanted on the floor. And they were talking really quickly and saying all this stuff like, ‘I've seen you. I know you hate me. You hate me so much. You hate me,’” Cakes recalls. “So I ran out of the venue, and went home, and took a shower.” They add, “I needed to wash whatever that experience was off of me, because it was sticking to me. It felt like heavy metal on my shoulder weighing me down.”Unfortunately, though, Cakes says this is a pretty common experience for many clubgoers. Because even though many of us are learning to become more protective of our energy, they also note that very few of us stop to think about how these spaces are places where people are actively “letting things go.” After all, parties are associated with fun and escapism, not to mention relieving stress and blowing off steam. However, what can make these releases even more potent are things like alcohol, smoke, music, dance and moonlight, all of which have been used for millennia to “communicate with the spirits to release negative energy.” So if you’re an empath or someone in an “emotionally vulnerable place,” this can make you “feel like you have to take that on,” especially since Cakes has noticed an uptick in these low frequencies and energy vampires post-COVID.Because, as Cakes goes on to say, the past few years have resulted in many “carrying their trauma, shadows and heaviness” without being able to “really release it anywhere other than the dance floor,” meaning that those who are busy trying to make ends meet often don’t have time to “prioritize their spiritual or holistic wellness.” “But they go out to the club because they've been working hard, and they can't carry all this trauma. It just becomes an explosion,” Cakes continues. With this in mind, they made a handy guide that’s basically a crash course on spiritual protection in nightlife, with tips on how to prepare for a night out, how to recognize a negative entity and what to do when you come home (always shower!). Combined with Cakes’ longtime focus on creating safe spaces, their current mission is to make xCakes events a place where attendees are aware of the “aspects of ourselves that are beyond our [bodies],” so that everyone feels respected — both physically and spiritually. See on Instagram “Because I've been that person who's been releasing the negative energy, who’s been carrying a lot of trauma and being parasitic,” Cakes says. “I've been that person, and so I am recognizing it when I see it in other people.”Photos by Omari Love https://www.papermag.com/pauli-cakes-spiritual-clubbing-2659275354.html