#im cis correct me if i fuck up trans stuff

[autistic-katara]

when i’m in an explaining something u don’t understand to someone who’s directly experienced it contest and my opponent is the mother of a trans guy

[phoenixfangs]

(to preface, for this post im going to use trans rep as my primary discussion example but i think this line of thought could be applied to basically any marginalized group)

honestly regarding that last reblog and the essay i left in the tags, i dont want to hear anyone praising anything for ‘good representation’ or condemning anything for ‘bad representation’ ever again i think.

firstly because people are so braindead that they cant meaningfully identify either good or bad representation. everything that i like is good and everything that i dont is bad. anything created by any trans person is good and anything created by any cis person is bad. everything that is kind and saccharine is good and everything that is angry and miserable is bad.

(seriously if i have to see one more take thats like ‘media that centers around trans suffering is bad and harmful because i dont like it and it makes me uncomfortable it turns trans suffering into a profitable spectacle, and besides being trans can be a good thing actually its not all about pain’, im going to bite somebody. im sorry that a) u dont understand that sometimes the intent of the media or stories like that is to hurt u and make u uncomfortable, b) u dont understand that someone expressing the pain they felt Because they are trans, and that they wouldnt have felt if they werent trans, is a valid form of art and self expression, and u have no right to condemn them because u dont personally connect with it, c) u dont understand that media doing the bare minimum of including a trans character who isnt hatecrimed against isnt ‘celebrating transness’ and can absolutely also be turning trans pride into a profitable spectacle, and d) that ur making all of this my fucking problem. it is not bad or morally incorrect to connect with and represent pain, especially at the hands of bigotry. my god.)

secondly because arguably it will never fucking matter anyway until society at large comes to terms with and moves past whatever -phobia or -ism we decide to center the discussion on that week.

‘good’ trans rep is never going to change a bigots mind or heart because their problem isnt that they just havent learned the error of their ways: their problem is that they hate an entire group of people on the basis that this group of people threatens their status as majority, moral correctness/worthiness, controller, group in power, whatever—whether this is materially true or a paranoid delusion. likewise, ‘good’ trans rep is never going to be enough for trans people to feel validated because of the way society has been marginalizing and oppressing trans people for longer than most of us here have even been alive, and continues to do so. it will feel nice in the moment, to see that people outside of urself and maybe even outside of ur marginalized group dont think of u as subhuman waste, but that feeling will not last forever as long as hate crimes and bigoted policy keep getting real life trans people hurt, jailed, and/or killed. idk about anyone else but nowadays its incredibly difficult for me to feel anything but contempt, dread, numbness, looking at ‘good’ trans rep while all that stuff is still happening on the daily in real life. its like a pathetic consolation prize for putting up with the horrors of existing, ‘thank u for buying our product despite what feels like most people wishing u were dead, heres this cool sticker to acknowledge ur existence and ur status as one of the ones who doesnt Deserve to be dead because ur buying our product’.

‘bad’ trans rep is never going to push an indecisive person over the fence into blatant transphobia because, to a bigot, ANY trans rep in ANYTHING for ANY REASON is ‘bad rep’. childrens books with the softest, cleanest language possible to describe trans experiences are treated like manifestos written to radicalize our good pure innocent children into horrible sexually depraved monsters. drag queens and trans people interacting with children AT ALL are demonized and called pedophiles just for existing in the same space as children. hospitals that provide safe and necessary treatment to trans people as ONE of the services they provide are issued bomb threats for daring to care about peoples health. the HINT of anything to do with being trans is a call for outrage. yeah, that transphobic caricature in that tv show really sucks to see, but its not turning people into transphobes: it is broadcasting the already material reality that transphobes think of us as subhuman waste, deserving of ridicule At Best and total extinction At Worst. a person who becomes a vocal bigot after being exposed to ‘bad’ rep wasnt an ally before that changed their mind, they were just quiet. what is the point of ‘educating’ people how to spot ‘bad’ rep and call it out if all it does is reaffirm to us that we know how to spot it and condemn? how many transphobes have said ‘i thought trans people were demons and pedophiles for the longest time, but then a random tumblr user wrote a scathing review of this random trans character and how they were a totally unrealistic and nasty depiction of a trans person, and it just opened my eyes to the fact that trans people are actually people, turns out’? when that number is larger than the number of transphobes who have said ‘i didnt really know what to think of trans people before tucker carlson and matt walsh told me they were molesting our childrens minds, but now i know theyre a threat to society’, get back with me.

like. im so fucking tired at this point. im obviously very angry and passionate about this, but im tired too. im tired of people constantly trying to say that society is getting better, trans people are becoming more welcomed in society, because of the handful of trans characters in media and the pride shirts and mugs and shit that u can buy in chain stores, while literal atrocities happen every. fucking. day. i cant be okay or happy with ‘good’ trans rep anymore because it matters so little in the context of how people on the whole view trans people, and i cant be upset with ‘bad’ trans rep anymore because its a symptom of hate and ignorance, not the cause.

i reiterate.

society and corporations are selling us pride through hollow ‘representation’ in media and slogans on mugs for the express purpose of keeping us from fighting to FEEL pride. and all the glorious spotless squeaky morally clean rep in the world will not account for the absolute loathing i have felt from every other direction for years, and the loathing everyone else has felt for decades, and the loathing were all gonna continue feeling for god knows how much longer until people and politicians stop actively trying to criminalize and kill us.

[randomhuman45]

Dannymay 2022- Day 17 Promise

Danny remembered the day his mother made her first promise to him. At 8 years old Danny walked up to him Mom pulling on her hazmat suit nervously shaking with tears falling down his face staining his cheeks.

"M-Mommy?" His voice quivered as his eyes stared down at his little pink shoes and frilly socks.

"What's wrong baby?" Maddie dropped down to her knees and lifted his head up to let their eyes meet. "You can tell me sweetie." Her voice was sweet as honey and full of concern as her thumbs tried to wipe away his tears off his cheeks only for them to be replaced.

"I can't have pigtails anymore." He whispered before wrapping his arms around her neck as tears turned into sobs.

"Do you want braids then? Or to have your hair down? What do you want?" Maddie didn't know why her daughter was so upset over pigtails but would support her no matter what.

"No! No, no, no, no, no!" Danny shouted shaking his head into his mother's neck.

"Okay, okay," Maddie said trying to calm her heartbroken child down. "What do you want?"

"I, I want my hair short. And," Danny paused trying to catch his breath and figure out how he wanted to say it, "I don't want dresses, don't wanna be Danielle anymore. Can, can I be Danny with a y? Please?"

"Oh baby!" Maddie grabbed her baby and hugged them as tight as possible without hurting them. "Are, are you saying that you're a boy? Or something else? What, do you need?"

"I-I'm a boy. I think, but I think so. I want to be." Danny stuttered out now nervous and panicking. "Is that okay?"

"Of course baby!" Maddie assured, "I promise no matter what, and I mean that, NO. MATTER. WHAT. I will always love you! I promise!"

"Okay, thank you Mommy! I love you!"

"Of course!"

-----

Danny remembered the first time his father did too. He was trying to hide his growing chest with bandages when his father burst into his room.

"Danny boy! Guess- Oh!" Jack quickly turned around trying to give his son privacy. He full heatedly supported his son and made it a point to make sure his son was treated like a son after he came out.

"Ahh! Dad, umm, uhhh. I, I think I need help." Danny huffed out both embarrassed and completely done with these bandages not working and giving him incredible aches and pains.

"You, you do? Is it like, uhhh, puberty issues? I got sock puppets for that!" Jack piped up like a eager puppy. "Wait right here and I can get the sock puppet box!"

"No! No, no, no, no. I don't need- it not about that. Well, sort of but, no, I don't need the sock puppets!" He stuttered out completely flustered at this point.

"Well, umm, what do you need then son?"

"Umm, well, you see, errr well not see see, but. I'm twelve and my chest is kinda..."

"Oh. Oh! And you don't want or like that?"

"Yeah, so umm I was trying to tape, uhh well use tape to make it not look like, uhhh, that but..."

"It's not working out like you planned?"

"Yeah," Danny sighed out.

"Don't worry son! I may know a thing or two about things not working out on the first try but you know what the best part of being a Fenton man is?" Jack pipped up.

"Ummm, eating fudge?" Danny joked with a smirk.

"Oh that's definitely a part of the gig, but the best part is that when we fail, we get back up and try again! Fenton tech doesn't always work the first round but me and your mom always try again and again to get it working to protect you kiddos!"

"So, what do we do with, uhh," Danny gestured to his now covered chest.

"Well, we can search up some options! See what's out there on that internet to see can help you out!"

"Hey, umm, thanks Dad. You know for, all of this, and umm, helping me out."

"Of course son! I promise just say the word and I'll come to your rescue! I promise I'll always help you, no matter what!"

----------

Maybe Danny should have kept it a secret. Maybe he could have kept it to himself like a secret identity. But his parents promised they would love him no matter what. They promised to always help him no matter what. But when he told them about the portal incident and his ability to turn into weird ghost version of himself, he thought they would love him. He thought they would help him. That's what they promised they would do. No matter what they said. No matter what they promised.

But after begging for them to let him go as he was restrained against a lab table, after crying out for it to stop as their experiments tore him apart, after pleading for food and water he realized that they wouldn't keep their promises. He should have never trusted something as trivial as a promise.

[kuteon]

the next cis person to talk to me about my trans experience is gonna regret it

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

OK, gender crisis time. All my life I've been comfortable being a cis girl. I had physical dysmorphia about my chest, and my voice is naturally deep so in high school theatre I often acted in male roles, but other than that I was like 100% cis.

I've been wanting to get a reduction because 1) of my dysmorphia and 2) it's really hard to fell confident doing active stuff when your tits are jiggling like an anime girl's from moving too much. This Thanksgiving, my mom said she wasn't morally opposed to the idea anymore.

And suddenly I find myself in a whirl of gender nonsense that can be summed up more or less by this: "I can remake myself. I can look like the person I really am. Wait. WHAT AM I?"

So now Im wondering if perhaps nonbinary fits me better or if I'm just overreacting, and I want to try acting more NB but now my dysmorphia has turned to dysphoria like "no matter what, everyone will think you're a girl because of your chest, even if you only speak in your lowest register and wear boys' clothes and get rid of all your other feminine habits" BUT I DONT WANT TO GIVE UP MY OTHER HABITS. I like being cute and I like wearing purple and I like spinning and dancing when I walk so now Im wondering if I'm really just saying Im NB to be quirky and I dont know what the hell I am anymore. I like being a girl but I hate that I look like a girl but I love my body except my chest and I like using they/them pronouns but I'm just being a drama queen but if I were just being dramatic for the sake of being dramatic it wouldn't hurt so much, right?

Ayyy fuck yeah mate, I’m so happy you can get a reduction!!

Literally tho you can remake yourself. You can change ur name and body and gender and pronouns and your hair and clothes literally man, do whatever the hell you want!!!

Listen no matter what you are a valid nonbinary person. Even if you’re feminine, even if you like purple and you like dancing even even even even if, you are nonbinary and valid.

Hmmm dunno how to tell you this mate but like. Obsessing over whether or not you’re nonbinary? Not very cisgender of you there

Here’s a post on gender dysphoria you might wanna read, it might help you understand your experiences better. I’d also suggest reading through the links of other people’s experiences.

“Just overrreacting” is a fear many trans/nby people have, but I promise you, you’re not overreacting, okay? If you wanna be nonbinary you can be nonbinary.

You’re not doing it “just to be quirky”—why would you fake smth that makes you worry this much? It doesn’t make sense, you’re not doing it to be quirky if it’s giving you this much stress.

You don’t have to give up your other habits!! You don’t have to at all!! Be feminine, like pink and purple and dance and and spin and present however makes you feel the most comfortable!! You’re still a valid nonbinary person if you’re feminine!!

Also like...if you do get a reduction/get top surgery, then like, your chest won’t be as prominent. It isn’t permanent, yknow, and you won’t look like this forever if you choose not to. You can choose to get too surgery/get a reduction, you can choose to bind if you want, like if you hate your chest this much you can literally just be like “begone breasts” and get a reduction like it isn’t permanent!! Like literally if u want to u can just get rid of them

And remember that if you’re nonbinary your body is a nonbinary body. Not a girl body. Yknow why? Because ur nonbinary and it’s ur body, that means it’s a nonbinary body!

And know that no matter what there will Always be people who will perceive u as your correct gender and will think of you as nonbinary, whether it be the trans community or online friends or people you’re out to, you are not doomed to Forever and Always be perceived as a girl by everyone. As another trans person ik it feels like that sometimes but there will Always be people who will know you as the right gender kay? 

Just because you like being a girl doesn’t mean you’re not nonbinary. Being trans/nby isn’t about hating your AGAB but instead being happier as another gender.

Does being nonbinary make you happy? Congrats, you can be nonbinary!!

Now, anon, what I want you to do is take a deep breath, and disregard everything you’ve ever thought about your gender. All of it. Doesn’t matter. What terminology you use, dysphoria, pronouns, everything. And I’m going to ask you one question.

What makes you feel happy?

You don’t need to obsess over your gender. Stop asking yourself “what gender am I?” and ask yourself, “what makes me feel happiest and truest to myself?”

Does being trans make you feel happy? Be trans! Does being nonbinary make you feel true to yourself? Be nonbinary. Does using they/them make you happy? Use they/them! Chase the happy feelings and things will fall into place. Happiness first, labels second.

My advice, try on the label. Say “I’m nonbinary,” see how it feels! Either it’ll fit, which is awesome, I’m so happy for you!! Or it won’t fit, which is cool too!! You’re one step closer to finding a label that does!!

See, there’s this thing called gender euphoria! Basically, it’s the happiness you feel, or euphoria, when you’re called the right name/pronouns, or perceived as the right gender! As I was saying earlier, it’s about what makes you happy.

Be happy. Ily.

And remember the entire trans community is here for you and we love and support you, and no matter how lonely it might feel remember that there are so many others like you and there have been throughout history, who have lived and loved and cried and laughed, we have always been here. You are not alone. Ily. 

You’re not alone and it can seem hard sometimes with dysphoria and confusion and nights laying awake wondering why why why but you are not alone. The trans community is here for you. I’m your brother, kay? And you’re my sibling and I’m here for you and I love you so so much. 

I hope I could help you out, and I wish you luck with your gender journey! Lmk if you have any more questions, and I hope you have a great day! Sending my love <33

[billylenzstolemyphone]

some lego batman headcanons!! <3

- bruce, after adopting dick (haha), is now super cautious when taking him to school, on patrol, etc. alfred thinks its really sweet and always has to reassure bruce, on dicks first day of school every year, that his sons gonna be okay <3

- sometimes when bruce has to go on patrol and can’t hang out with dick, drive them to school, etc. and alfreds gone, he’ll call jack and ask him if they can go over and take care of dick :D (jack rly does like hanging out with dick even if they say they dont)

- alfred makes two lunchboxes for bruce and dick when they go on patrol because he didnt ONE TIME and they came back starving and exhausted shdslk he fed them and gave them a lecture :)

-  sometimes, with bruces permission, jack and harley will take dick out to go shopping, get ice cream, just some real bestie shit- or they’ll come over and bake or play video games together. (bruce secretly loves it)

- jack is actually a rly good cook/baker and will make everyone breakfast in the morning after he’s stayed the night (bonus: bruce and jack got into a flour fight while making pancakes and alfred walked into the kitchen to see them on the floor losing it)

- dick has a sneaking suspicion that padre and jack arent just “friends”

- bruce and jack, flustered and stumbling over their words, quickly shut this “ridiculous insinuation” down. dick didn’t buy it but okay!

- jacks hair has gotten longer and bruce loves it so he constantly tries to come up with an excuse to braid it or run his fingers through it, but hes really bad at covering the real reason up bc hes stuttering n shit so jack will just smile at him and sit with his back against bruces chest and say “go to town, ya sap”

- jack calls alfred “jeeves” and he says it so seriously and naturally that everyone whos in the room loses it whenever he does DSKSB alfred tries to ignore it gsjgka

IM GONNA GET INTO MORE LIKE SEXUALITY/IDENTITY ONES NOW-

- gay alfred rights. no- no. you heard what i said. he never really told anyone but one day while talking to bruce in the batcave it just kind of slipped out and bruce was like “oh fr?? shittt thats cool alfred <3” SKDLSBSLF (he/him, cis, gay)

- since dick is pretty young he doesnt completely understand the concept of sexuality and identity just yet, but they fully support any and all!! theyve also come across the term non-binary and feels like its perfect for how he feels! (he/him/they/them, non-binary, not quite sure yet they just like people :D)

- bruce also is still trying to understand and learn more about all of the lgbtq+ terms/sexualities/identities, he wants to make sure that he is always respectful! he has however, come to the conclusion that he likes men and women >:) (he/him, cis, bisexual)

- jack got very excited when dick came to him for advice on these things because they love introducing and educating people on the community! he was also ecstatic when dick came out to them as non-binary and told him that their pronouns were he/they!! because now they were pronoun buddies!! jack is also ftm trans :D (he/him/they/them, trans, gay)

- i felt like i should do barbara because...idk i just want to sdshk- barbara, honestly just in this movie to me, is a straight ally (i think that apart from this movie that shes a lesbian!) who will attend pride events and pass out candy, give hugs, etc. she loves the community and like bruce, always tries her best to be respectful and correct when using her terms!! yayay! (she/her, cis, straight ally)

- harley!!! harley is a loud and proud bisexual woman and she is dating poison ivy >:)) who, i headcanon, is a lesbian YUUUP- harley was there for jack when they needed her and she was the one who taught jack about all of the terms and stuff :)) the three of them (harley, ivy, and jack) will go to pride parades/events together and sometimes jack will persuade bruce to go with them <3 (harley: she/her, cis, bisexual. ivy: she/her, cis, lesbian also off topic but ivy is black and has long red braids fucking fight me)

- ill do selina too!! selina is a butch lesbian that has her very rare moments of being feminine sjjsk i love her- she likes to go to clubs and make sure to beat up anyone whos getting a little too touchy feely towards other people or beat up anyone whos just being an asshole >:) as she should! she honestly doesnt care much about pronouns just dont use he/him and ur good (she/her/they/them/etc., cis, lesbian)

AAAAHDHDSLBK THATS SO MUCH OMG- BUT YEAH I LOVE THE LEGO BATMAN MOVIE ITS FUCKING AMAZING ITS MY COMFORT MOVIE AND I LOVE MAKING HEADCANONS AND TALKING ABT THEM HSKDBSLD- feel free to talk abt ur headcanons!! re-blog this or just comment <33 ilyyy

[squibbles-gubwee]

Women dont take estrogen and men dont take testosterone. Those are men trying to pretend theyre women and women denying they are women.

My uterus was shoving blood out of my vagina for 130 days straight. Yeah. One hundred and thirty days straight. So because my hormones are so incredibly fucked up NATURALLY the doctor was literally like "yeah this is bad and super weird uhhh here take these we gotta get this stopped" and put me on medication for it.

You know what else estrogen and testosterone are used as other than gender correction?

BIRTH CONTROL, HELPING WITH MENOPAUSE, MENSTRUAL CORRECTION AND VIAGRA YOU WET WAD OF PAPER. THEY HAVE SO MANY MORE USES OTHER THAN WHAT YOUR ARCHAIC NEVER LEARNED PAST 6TH GRADE BIOLOGY SELF THINKS YOU DUMB TERF.

Im not even going to GO into the fact that so many people have to take hormones after vasectomies and hysterectamies bc their hormone balance is off or that i work with so many damn cis people that take hormones because of stuff that ISNT MY BUISINESS it isnt funny or how no matter if i take estrogen or testosterone or neither im still trans no matter what you may think. Go do something constructive with your time like brushing your teeth or something and leave my ass alone.

[kcatta-wodahs]

Trans, Enby, or anything not Cis MC + OM Demon Bros!

TLDR; they all fuckin love you okay you’re wonderful

Lucifer

It happens right away honestly, as he is your introduction to Devildom 

You arrive suddenly in the student council, with no fucking warning, and with a bunch of people who are saying they’re demons. And like yeah okay sorcery obviously exists in your world so we can work with this but

He looks at a file, and states your deadname, and in a fit of bravery or just “i guess im here now” you correct him. 

The silence after that is palpable and every negative emotion you’re feeling as you wait shows up on your face. 

Lucifer only has a slight frown, looking at the paper, and at you, before it clears.

“Oh. Humans. I understand.” He marks something on the paper, and repeats your name. Your real name.

“Should I assume that the pronouns listed are incorrect as well?”

He calls for a RAD uniform that you’re most comfortable with, while Diavolo gushes over “HUMAN!!!”

Okay, cool, you’re hanging with demons now but at least they respect your pronouns? Guess this is your life. Your next question is whether you’re dead lol

So he knows the whole time, but it doesn’t change a thing! He loves you the same.

When you’re closer, he is very to-the-point about caring for you when you’re feeling dysphoric.

He offers you tips, makes sure you maintain your voice training even if you’re embarrassed about it, and always pushes you to express yourself how you want.

Hell maybe they use that princely riches to get you whatever surgeries you might want!

And he will *very clearly* show you how much he likes your body, however it is. 

After all, by the end of the game you belong to him, don’t you?

Mammon

When he's first assigned to be your guardian or whatever in Devildom, he didn't get the memo. 

Didn't read the paperwork, cause he's just like me and puts off homework for way too long.

So he doesn't know these pronouns of yours that Lucifer has fixed in the documentation.

Which means, unfortunately, you have to correct him when he first speaks to Levi about you.

What's funny about it is that he'll complain about LITERALLY EVERYTHING having to do with you and you being a human and UGH he has to take care of a FRAGILE HUMAN

But when you correct the pronouns he doesn't even fucking blink.

You don't even explain.

You just say the correct pronoun after he messes up, and then he repeats you and *continues complaining about you* but this time in the correct pronouns.

This is the first moment out of a million of "hidden endearing things about Mammon" that you will come to learn.

Later, when you're closer, he will always be there to stand up for you and put up a fight if anyone wants to give you shit.

He will defend you to the end of time. 

And he adores you. If he -- The Great Mammon -- adores you, then you must be perfect. So you can tell your stupid human brain to stuff it with the negative talk.

Leviathan

This one is written as AFAB

When you deny wearing the Ruri-chan dress for him, he's sad.

He KNEW you thought he was weird… and his thing for Ruri-chan was weird… and weirddmmm

So, you hesitantly tell him that… no, truly its not because of Ruri-chan

You just.. feel so sick when wearing dresses.

Something in you physically hurts, and you feel so *wrong* when in a situation where you're supposed to act "girly".

And you tell him that you don't really identify as female. You try to avoid that image whenever you can.

Levi is so touched that you would tell him and be honest with him.

He hugs you tightly and then turns beet red.

"D-Does that mean that you m-might.. kabedon… as Henry….?"

Cause he has that costume too and has never told anyone that he def would be seduced by his TSL hero.

You can get behind that one, and seeing how flustered he gets around you being yourself (through Henry?) has your confidence skyrocketing

This makes way to you flirting with ya boi 100% more often to see his adorable face.

Beelzebub

You go with him to work out, which is nothing really new, but this time he's looking at doing endurance training

...by swimming.

You have no idea what to do. 

He didn't think twice about it, either. He didn't assume there would be any problem at all. 

But for some reason your brain decided that his helpful and loving attitude wouldn't extend to this? Brains are silly when scared.

You try not to tear up when he questions why you've frozen in the doorway when he told you his plan.

You have no reason to be ashamed, or fearful, but the suddenness of the moment overwhelms you.

"I can't wear a swimsuit," is what comes out.

He pauses and then just looked vastly confused. He thought humans could swim..? Anyone could wear a swimsuit. You were wearing clothes right? What's the difference?

You wrap your arms around yourself, tryiing to soothe your nerves. "It's.. It shows too much.."

Then he looks you over, causing you to blush further, and he tips his head. "But you look nice."

Well if you weren't blushing before, now you definitely were. But it's not that. You hold your breath.

You try to explain without actually saying it, almost as if the word transgender has been blocked from your internal vocabulary. 

But this babe just insists that you look great no matter what. Is it scars? Like everyone here has scars, it's okay. Weird toes? You should see Belphie's. There's a reason he wears socks all the time. 

That almost makes you giggle, and you use that courage to say that you're trans.

He pauses for just a seond to blink. "Oh... nobody cares about that here."

He pulls you into a hug while you struggle for words. He tells you that you don't have to go swimming if you don't want to.

But he makes sure you know that he thinks you're wonderful. You're strong and brave and amazing. He will fight anyone who makes you feel differently. 

Asmodeus

This one is AMAB

It’s seeing Asmo be unequivocally himself that gives you the courage to do it.

You haven’t even told your human friends yet. Your human family.

You’ve known for ages, but..

Seeing Asmo flounce over to you wearing the most STUNNING evening dress has you weak at the knees, for reasons other than he assumes.

He assumes that you’re wildly in love as you duck your head and try to mumble something through your shaking breaths, and of course, who wouldn’t be?

But when he coaxes you to speak up for him, delight of a whole different kind lights up in his expression.

“Could you… make me as pretty as you?”

Oh, darling, he wouldn’t even need to try.

He dolls you up, hosting a lovely makeover session in his room. What he doesn’t expect is for you to start crying when you look at yourself in the mirror.

Asmo’s unshakeable confidence is shaken. He rushes over to you, trying to brush away tears and learning what’s wrong.

That’s when you tell him what you’d been hiding for so long.

The adoration in his eyes catches you off guard, and he takes your hands lovingly. “Oh, honey..” he mumbles, affectionate and sweet instead of seductive. “What’s your name?”

He takes you out shopping the next day, and is always ready to help you be yourself. 

He makes the switch almost instantly, and calls you the prettiest thing he’s ever seen even when you’re just waking up in the morning and kind of feel like a toad. 

(You blame him for those mornings, though, since he’s the one working so hard to *thoroughly* exhaust you the night before.)

Satan

This one is AFAB

You and Satan have begun meeting rather often for tea. 

It’s even gotten to the point where you’re both perfectly happy to sit in silence around each other. You’ve never been more comfortable.

But today, chaos reigns, and it has decided to make you clumsy today. Not even like, oh “that’s reasonable” clumsy.

No, you were enthralled in your fucking book, and you MISSED. 

Tea, all down your chin and neck, and you hear a snort of derision.

Satan is looking at you, very clearly amused. “Very graceful.”

You huff and puff out your cheeks at him to prevent from blushing. “Shut up. Do you have a towel?”

Looking no less amused, he just pulls a new shirt from the dresser behind him and offers it to you. 

You guys are chill. Good friends. Like. You don’t want to get up to go find a bathroom to change in. Your book is good and like Satan’s not about to be a creep, so you ask if it’s cool if you just change there, and he shrugs in response.

So, you swap shirts quickly, but when you’re dry he’s looking at you curiously.

“You have battle scars.”

You realize that you’d never told him. About your past, or your surgery, and you suddenly feel very self-conscious. 

“It’s- .. Not exactly,” you fumble out, realizing that now, instead of finishing your amazing book, you have to deal with *coming out?* Ughhhhhh. “They’re from a surgery.”

Satan’s eyes don’t leave you. “I’ve read enough about the human world to know what they are,” he said, then he nods to himself. “I didn’t know you’d had such a fight.”

You are either very, very impressed or very, very confused and you really don’t know which to lean towards just yet. 

“I’ve never been in a battle, Satan.”

“You fought to become yourself,” he answered, a small smile tracing his lips. “You never cease to impress me.”

Belphegor

The best part about becoming best friends with Belphie is the snuggle naps. It's the sweetest, calmest thing.

He is a little confused about why you insist on hugging a pillow when you nap with him, though.

He admits, its adorable. When he's big spoon he loves looking at you as you snuggle the big fluffy pillow. 

When he wants to face you, though, he wants to be closer, he doesn't really understand it. He doesn't want to make you uncomfortable but also.. why?

Eventually, he tries to get answers out of you by teasing you about getting closer *intimately*. 

He does expect the blush.

He doesn't expect the look of despair that you hide from him.

He's stunned for a moment before demanding to know why the hell you would look so sad about that.

You try to shake it off, but Belphie's nothing if not persistent and annoying when he wants to be.

He learns that you have been trying really hard for months now to hide your body from him. To keep your personal info private, even while snuggling. 

You didn't know how he would take it, after all. 

What if he got something he wasn't expecting?

Honestly, Belphie sulks after hearing this. He flicks your forehead and glares at you for doubting him. 

But he looks you dead in the eyes and reminds you that you could never convince him you were anything less than perfect.

If you expected him to be disappointed by whatever you hid during snuggles, he would never be. You would never be a disappointment to him.

Your next nap together doesn't feature the pillow between you, which makes your heart feel fit to burst while he snuggles you closer. 

[horce-divorce]

i have my Big appt w the Gender Doctor tomorrow... I've already had my letter and my "diagnosis" (fun fact: they actually asked me if it was ok to diagnose me w dysphoria or w/e, they seem to be aware of the controversy around pathologising language) as well as gotten my levels checked.. i am pretty sure this is the last thing is this big visit where he has to explain everything incl needles, get my consent, and all that shit

soooo... I think im about to start T????? scrreeeeee

lil rant about my nervs under the cut

im very nervous, more about my pharmacy & my family than anything actually related to T. ive had issues w the pharmacy just trying to get my birth control and normal meds (like they'd give me my meds but would straight up "forget" my birth control... very relevant: we have about 100 fundie churches in this town and some actual bona fide fundamentalists cults as well. its not a large town). plus theyve been constantly understaffed and have taken up to a week to fill my scripts. my friend a few towns over gets his stuff from WG and sometimes they give him the wrong needle sizes which seemingly is smth that happens to trans folks a lot... i am prepared to switch pharmacies and/or go running to corporate like a Karen if they give me issues, but i've never had to switch from walgreens before (only to a different wg?) so idk specifically what to do if that's the case

but anyway yeah. lil worried about pharmacy giving me the runaround. and a lil worried about my moms reaction. even tho she's been nothing but supportive, it still seems to surprise her when i talk about being trans. if I make a joke about how trans I was as a kid in hindsight, she's wont laugh along, she's kinda just like 😳 😳 and goes on w her day. but other times she'll bring it up?? one time she said something about "when youve got your van and are transitioning" like she doesnt think I'm transitioning right now lol. i think she's gonna be surprised to find out that im starting T now but fuck I waited 15 years. aint waiting any longer.

its just like. there is a non-zero chance she still has ties w folks from the west mich womyns music fest (good fucking riddance). we actually had a huge fight once (yearrrs ago) bc even in the midst of them going under BECAUSE of their transphobia, she kept trying to get me to support them "as a feminist."

so despite how supportive she's been and that she is absolutely trying I can just FEEL that there are still reservations she has that she simply doesn't want to talk about. she's not gonna tell me what to do w my body or any of my medical care. I'm an adult, and that's generally the rule in our house, but idk it's like. this tension in the air. i think she still separates my "being trans" from "me" in her head, and i think she does it w other folks too (my parents are HUGE fans of Eddie Izzard, esp her Dress to Kill special from back in the day. and yet cannot wrap their heads around her being trans. she's been out for like. 30 years. she doesnt make a secret of it). i feel kinda bad saying it bc she DOES try. she actually corrects my pronouns (and Eddie's!) more than anyone else in my family when others fuck it up. I just don't think she fully understands why she's doing it and im not sure if she cares to. challenge her notion of what a trans person is?

idk its pretty obvious when cis ppl are doing the whole "her > no, i have to overlay an image of a boy on the body that I am seeing bc You Are A Her Who Wants To Be a Him" or vice versa, instead of just "You Are Him". it's like they're trying to translate me into a different language without changing the words. does not compute.

ughhh idk. anyway i am just hoping that she can see how much of a change it makes for me and sees me being happier and calmer and stuff. i already have been WAY more chill even in the last 2 years just since being out. i think that it will make it easier for me to like. express emotions like love and gratitude? i think part of why i've always kinda felt stunted in that area or like I couldn't connect w my parents like I sometimes do w other people, was bc of being closeted.... if she sees me as an extension of herself, Her Daughter, and I cannot be myself fully and truthfully, how can i express my emotions fully and truthfully, they are a part of who I am? I've just been told many times by the world that expressing myself honestly makes other people uncomfortable... anger was the only thing i could reach for so long. oof.

its just funny (not ha-ha funny) how even after having a feminist mom who didnt make me dress girly as a kid; after having lived in a huge queer household; having almost exclusively queer friends for 10+ years; after having BEEN OUT in high school; and now, again, being in a supportive environment where everyone is trying to validate me... despite all of that I STILL find myself feeling guilty for transitioning, guilty for showing people who I am. wondering "Wouldnt it be easier if I didnt. Wouldnt it be better for everyone if I just let them think I was a girl. wouldnt it be easier to deal w my other medical stuff w/o being outed every time I go to a new Spectrum location. wouldnt it be easier for everyone who has to deal w grandpa right now. there's nothing wrong with being a girl. Maybe I could keep being a girl if I had to."

but i know that's not right. if I don't live my life at this point it will kill me faster than anything that's medically wrong with me. i am not a girl. trying to be a girl when I didnt want to be made me suicidal for years. it made me into a horrible person and informed all kinds of terrible decisions I wish I hadn't made.

i know that transitioning is the right thing. to be perfectly clear, I am nothing but excited about testosterone and ALL of the changes it will bring me, there is literally not a single one that I don't want, that I havent wanted with my entire being my WHOLE life. i know that i am doing the right thing because for the first time in my life these are choices I've made FOR ME, for no one else and for no purpose but for the joy and sense of peace and completeness that it brings me to know that I am trans.

my fear is that I won't be able to articulate that to other people. or that ill have 1 bad experience and regress to not being able to stand up for myself or w/e.

so yeah, nothing but actual love and excitement for my T appointment. im just outlining how much cis bullshit really ends up defining the experience of transition for so many of us, and how much anxiety and fear it can still impart. even when you surround yourself with queer and trans support, even when ppl in your life are being cool, even when you are SO SURE of who you are. despite all of that, I am still afraid I'll end up detransitioning because of other people's issues...

but tbf i kind of have this with everything. I move into a new place, it TERRIFIES me rather than brings me comfort. how am I going to lose this home, too, and how long do I have? i've never felt at home in my body before, and every time I thought I found/built a home, I lost it. I've been evicted and lost my housing so many times and... have kinda had the same thing happen w my body, in a sense. feeling like if I start trying to decorate how I want ill get in trouble somehow bc nothing good can truly last and there's always some higher authority to answer to... idk.

anyway I need a proper therapist obviously lmfao and I dont expect anyone to read this. to be clear I am mostly very excited and optimistc. just nervouscited u know what i mean

[angrelysimpping]

the crossdressing ask made me think what LI would be most supportive with a trans pc (im a trans man myself)

robin and kylar are the most supportive ones, and would be the ones to adapt the fastest. will correct people if they misgender the pc, kylar and high confidence robin will defend them if people are being transphobic.

great hawk and black wolf wont understand even if they try to explain it, but will get their pronouns right if they insist long enough.

alex and eden- im not sure tbh, as they dont live in town they arent familiar with that kind of topics, so i dont know how they would react.

whitney doesnt care, a slut is a slut and theyre happy as long as the pc submits to them. if they arent out they would threat them about outing them when they dont do what whitney wants. if theyre are out, i could see them "defending" the pc, but is actually just whitney saying something like 'only i can tease them with that, fuck off' and proceeds to misgender them with a nickname. still respects pc's pronouns in private for both cases, though.

avery would probably just tell the pc to fuck off. their partner being a trans person wouldnt be good for their image and they dont wanna risk it.

God, I low key simp for Avery but they would be one of the worse when it came to gender stuff. Everything with them is about other's approval and the town doesn't seem the most open to gnc people. Feel like Avery themself wouldn't care, but the moment someone makes a disparaging comment, they're on edge. Keeping an eye out for a different plaything.

I've got a personal hc that at least one of Alex's siblings isn't cis, if not Alex themself. Their parents are supportive, even if they don't fully understand. They just want their kids to be happy.

I don't have any specific examples with birds and wolves but nature is really putting a middle finger up at the gender binary regularly.

Eden's probably like Whitney in not really caring, as long as you submit to them.

[dughole]

putting under the cut bc its too long..... .. ,...,. please share opinions and thoughts and opinions i am struggling.

does any other trans ppl like closeted or otherwise feel very alienated by ppl who r nb but it’s unclear whether they consider themselves trans or not. like obvi understanding if ur trans is an intimate process and it’s one that no one else is entitled to, but like, none of us lives in a vaccuum and regardless of whether ur experiencing interalized transphobia or ur just a bigot like - ur still affecting other ppl? i am having the problem of. there r people in my life who r using indicators of transness via their pronouns - but, they turn around and say really horribly physically transphobic stuff/they date someone who says those kinds of things/won’t call them out on it until another trans person does/they turn down active opportunities to be referred to by the correct pronouns by their family.. like these ppl can’t even say the word trans, or they can’t even like. be nice to me if they know i am trans. like i came out to an ex friend in order to tell them they were being transphobic towards myself and my ex, and they just .. stopped talking to me despite promising they were going to consider how badly their biases contribute to like. transphobic violence. and they don’t even make themselves open to criticism for transphobia most of the time like. r y’all having problems with that. like with cis nb ppl or otherwise. am i evil for feeling very bad and confused by that kind of behavior. like. i do not think these ppl r lying or scheming and transness isn’t defined by pain and i hate the stupid idea of “transtrenders” like that’s fake and who knows where these ppl will end up knowing abt themselves like it’s not my job to determine that. like, I will believe what you tell me about urself full stop and I am not going into it with skepticism. but. i am.. still having problems. like u r trying to detach urself from the gender binary but u r also asking people what’s in their pants and violating my sexual experiences bc of the trans aspect of them. and associating penises with ur sexual trauma to the end that u r making really shitty comments abt trans ppl in ur life. help. like it is starting to get to a point where ppl in my life will come out as nb while refusing to touch the concept of transness w a ten foot pole and i feel. alienated and sad instead of connecting with them on like, oh you also feel very alienated and disconnected by ur agab. like i feel like. this is a problem and a trend but it is hard to identify bc its nebulous like. this may not apply to u and ignore it if it doesn’t but if u R cis i think you should like. know u r cis and know what that means. and obvi like, being cis is a complicated thing too like bc a lot of ppl experience gender legitimization! and bc the line between cis and trans is blurry sometimes, but like! i feel like. everyone is responsible to know how they wield the biases that r inherent to society, like r u wielding it inwards at urself or at other people.. like maybe whether or not u know or consider urself cis is whatever but u should know if u r trans or not for the sake of urself and others. I do not know. transmedicalism is evil and im someone who has a very complex view of my tr*nsness esp. bc i am closeted in many parts of my life and im not in a safe circumstances. but like, i guess i do feel alienated by ppl who r using the same langauge as me but also, like, actively harming me and ppl i love, and like, make me feel weird for wanting surgery and to look different. like i dont think, transness is defined by dysphoria, its fucked up to think that!!!! is what i am saying making sense.!!!! I feel like ive seen similar thoughts expressed by other trans ppl like many trans women hav been like. guys i know ur all for "dont assume peoples genders its fucked up and bad" but also, when a trans woman presents femininely and like. isnt presumed a woman under those same guidelines by other queer ppl at best it makes them feel insanely unwelcome in their own community and at worst it actively gets them killed or assaulted like. problems !!! i am struggling to know how to talk about this

and i feel like it is just in my head.. am . i . crazy. am i hateful and evil and projecting.

[izzyliker]

hey - this is one of the mods of the bi jon project. we don't actually dislike or disagree with pan jon at all, we just want to make a project focused on and celebrating bisexuality. our carrd is a bit rambling, but frankly we were trying our best/overcompensating to try and make sure people didn't misunderstand us and do - well, this. our intentions are good, and it's really kind of disenheartening to see all the hate we've gotten for what was meant to be a positive project. (1)

you're under no obligation to answer these, but i saw some of your posts in the tag and felt like reaching out because you did give us even the tiniest bit of slack in good faith. honestly, if you have any advice about what in our carrd is so overwhelmingly bad, we'd be happy to hear it. we've been trying to respond to the overwhelming amount of criticism we've got in a positive way, and take peoples' suggestions. (2)

as for why 'no anti-antis' was at the bottom of our rules list, it's legitimately bc we were trying so hard to be preventative about this negativity that we forgot to add it when we first posted the blog, and just remembered later. again, you're under no obligation to answer these, i just feel like no one's really actually letting us defend ourselves/are taking things in as bad faith a way as possible. (3)

im not exactly sure how the posts showed up in the tag bc ive been very purposefully not tagging them, also ive blocked all of you back (not sure why you blocked me if you actually want feedback, so it seems more like you just want free positive pr and not actual feedback) so its unlikely youll see whatever it is that i reply to this but whatever. 

the issues have all been repeatedly brought up to you so i dont really see how me repeating all of them once again could help. when i last looked at the cardd the things that stood out immediately included. 

pitting ace & bi identities and people against each other REPEATEDLY,  

starting off with a guilt trippy tone and maintaining it throughout (in my experience this is the #1 best way to receive backlash because people do not want to participate in events where you feel like youre being guilted into it, which going into scrutinizing detail over there not being enough content and passing judgement onto authors or artists over it is something that comes across as guilt trippy.),

repeatedly equating asexuality with sex repulsion (not to get into the misleading information about modteam aspec identity breakdowns, since you claimed that 3/4 of the team are aspec, which is technically correct, but what you didnt say was that only one is acespec. surely you know that [allosexual] aro and [alloromantic] ace are not interchangeable) and calling using biromantic over bisexual a “misunderstanding” of the identity as if how to define romantic vs sexual attraction (how to divide, if or if not to divide, use interchangeably different labels) isnt a deeply personal choice ace people who experience romantic attraction make, 

claiming that bisexual jon is canon (he isn’t. this is why people are suspicious of anti-other mspec identities sentiments. which theyre right, if youll be so kind as to stick around til the last paragraph) and repeatedly implying that the reason there isnt “enough” content centering bi jon because the aces are simply unable to not fixate on his asexuality (again, pitting identities against each other),

making the banned ship list way needlessly confusing and including ships that dont even include jon to it, which simply comes across as some kind of a list of bad ships, idk. a way to bypass this would simply be to say “we are looking for portrayals of healthy relationships!” and that couldve just been it. if you felt that that wouldnt exclude specific ships (eg. jondaisy that a lot of people write as a relationship between trauma survivors who have done very bad things trying to get better and learning to trust each other) it is possible to simply say “the modteam is squicked[/triggered] by ships with daisy/elias/peter and we’d like to read all of the works submitted so we’re asking not to receive submissions with those ships.” hating ships is literally completely normal but making rules hard to parse is going to attract questions, especially when the implication is that ships are excluded on the grounds of morality, and a blatant power difference ship (jonelias) is equated with jondaisy, which is from what ive seen almost exclusively shown to be a relationship between equals. that makes people EXTREMELY confused about where the line is. thats why youre getting so many questions about this.  

in general the carrd was spotty, guilt trippy, and needlessly moralizing where it definitely did not need to be. the key to getting people to engage without getting backlash is to make the event seem fun. when your carrd is filled with stuff about unrelated negative stuff people are not going to think it’s a fun event at all. 

and none of this even gets into the fact that at least one of the mods has a history of open hostility against pan people. i heard through the grapevine that he has since made a fauxpology about it, but frankly it already shone through in the language used in the event descriptions. its extremely hard to take any of this is good faith when it is easy to see that one of the organizers is quite fucking clear about thinking pansexuality is biphobic and the carrd is or at least used to be full of anti-pan (and other mspec identity) dogwhistles, and is notorious in some of the tma fic author circles for being extremely fucking nasty about trans men writing fic he doesn’t like to the point of pretending that we’re all cis people (in case youre not keeping track that is misgendering us by implication) because he doesn’t like it. i think some of you (or maybe all of you? idk) in general could stand to examine whether your engagements and participations in the fandom have been at all about having fun or adding positivity to anything, or simply making posts about what other people are doing wrong. it seems that every post i see from anyone in this group is guilt trippy and authoritative, and sadly this translated directly into the event. 

when youre, say, a trans man whose first touch to one of the mods was a post about how fic where trans men have piv sex with cis men is hurting him personally and making it a moral issue and not a matter of a simple preference to the point where he feels comfortable making claims about the trans men (and transmasc nonbinary people) writing fic about trans characters re: their gender or whether theyre fetishizing trans men, your willingness to engage in good faith with an event hosted by him that features numerous red flags is not going to be unconditional. 

im sorry to hear that it has been bad for your mental health, and idk whats fucking going on with this event anymore, but my good faith interpretations have diminished significantly since i saw the shit tmc specifically has been saying about pansexual people and pansexuality as an identity label. i have no clue where the rest of you stand but tmc has repeatedly, consistently shown himself to be unable to act in good faith towards anyone other than people who agree with him.  

[crispyjenkins]

I... I felt I was all alone being uninterested in kid fics so I'm very happy to see it's not just me. (Sorry I'm going to rant for a bit) It's probably linked to the fact that I personally don't want kids but sometimes... I just want to see people able to be happy without children? Even if they don't dislike kids or anything! And sometimes it straight up makes me uncomfortable to see kid fics for this exact reason. (Also it depends on the fandom but SW is definitely one where I generally dislike kid fics, which I think wasn't improved by all the Luke-as-Rey's-father thing)

HI I'M HERE TO VALIDATE YOU

and i have a whole fecking lot of feelings about this topic in particular, this is gonna get a little wordy, but i've tried to organise it somewhat

First: i don't want kids. i'm fairly to extremely confident i'll never want kids. partly because I do not have the mental/physical capacity to devote the time and energy and emotion that children deserve and need. someone on tumblr said it ages ago, "if I don't WANT a kid, if i'm just indifferent, im not going to have a fucking kid until i actively want one", because children are sentient beings and not cute things to make you happy or feel more put together.

Okay, second: i very rarely see parenting written well (and i don't mean about perfect or unproblematic parents), i would even go so far as to call it trivialising. or maybe just completely unrealistic? it's either all honeymoon-period schmoop (which is not necessarily a bad thing) or it's hardly even about the kids and at that point, well, what's the point? especially if the kid is an oc, they can't just. exist on the sidelines of their parents life.

Third: if the kid is a canon character, their entire personality gets nerfed into one or two traits and are shoehorned to fit the narrative the author is trying to tell. this is a complicated issue because i sincerely believe in fun for the sake of fun and interacting with your fandom however you want, but i also just. kids deserve better?

Fourth: on that subject, i most often see the child in question be an oc. again, they're given one or two traits, but are then just a prop for whatever plot is happening to the actual ship. maybe i'm missing something, but i don't understand why you wouldn't use a canon character in the first place? very few fandoms don't already have paternal/maternal/parental relationships to play around with, ESPECIALLY if the author has already made it an au!! i'm not going to pretend a big reason i don't seek out kid fic isn't because they're almost always modern aus, which i already don't like. maybe this one is more petty, but i think kid characters deserve more time and attention put into them as characters, and tbh i've never once seen it done with an oc kid.

Fifth: if it's about adoption, i only EVER see babies (esp in modern aus). the implication that kids aren't adoptable past a certain age is horrendously damaging and i'm so uncomfortable with it that this is another reason i don't seek these stories out.

if it ISN'T adoption, then it's either a) cis mpreg, which is so incredibly transphobic and weirdly fetishising and blehhhhh, or b) transmasculine mpreg which i've. literally never seen written by a trans person so like... aight.

Sixth: the parents are out of character. i've talked a little about woobification before, about the hyperfeminising of one half of the ship and the hypermasculating of the other to fit the mother/father binary that is also inherently transphobic. the characters are sort of just replaced with an honestly hurtful binary rooted in systematic misogyny at the complete sacrifice of their entire personality, and it’s honestly exhausting as both a trans person and a romantically queer person.

before getting into prequel star wars stuff, specifically with mando ships, i don't think i even once read a kid fic where the parents felt plausible and in character, especially if it’s put into a modern au, and i've been reading fanfiction for a decade.

Seventh: i really don't know how to word this part without airing out my own trauma, but back to the trivialising bit, the way authors tend to write this honeymoon-phase type of parenting makes me feel really gross? maybe that's petty or very specifically personal, but the way kids are only in scenes to prop the parents' storyline hits a little too close to home. i'm the third child and the middle child, and that so many "takes" on parenting implicitly hold up the notion of kids only being worth mentioning/caring about/developing is when it's important or relevant to the parents. i dunno, kids deserve better than that.

Eighth: okay finally bringing this back to star wars. i blacklist any parenting anything from any ships from the Original Trilogy. for the prequels, I exclusively read adoption-based stuff, partly because I don't really have any cishet ships i read specifically about, but also because that means the rest is mpreg.

now, i've been positively spoiled by Mando and/or Jedi ships and their culturally important adoption. like i get to read stuff where the parents feel in character? and aren't one dimensional binary caricatures? and the kids are treated as characters and not plot props? AND they're usually older than ten?? to be fair, there are ships i still don't read kid fic for, CodyWan for example, for many reasons i actually haven't covered here, and Boba and Anakin are given the most justice as adopted kids (that i've seen; fingers crossed for more ahsoka and twins content) so there's a massive disparity in representation (which is a star wars-wide issue) but this is also the first time i've even wanted to write child characters.

your bit about characters being happy and having fulfilling lifelong relationships without kids is so incredibly important to me, because it feels exactly the same as an ace person constantly being told i'm missing out. so i'm also wary of fixits centered around parenting, or even "adopting the clones" themes because it's. there's so many more facets to family than parent and child, and i dunno. this is the second time i've written all this and i haven't slept yet so i don't even know if I'm making sense anymore so just basically

i feel you, anon. i'm exhausted by having to blacklist or exclude so many tags just to find content that doesn't make me uncomfortable, and i'm so so so happy to be in the prequels corner of the fandom, because i'm also seeing this problem improving as i watch it. so i have hope, but right now, keep kid fic as far away from me as possible.

(you are correct, the luke and rey dynamic was bullshit and has set us back a lot, though maybe not as much as the fandom's frankly horrifying reaction to kylo ren and blaming all his faults on leia, but that's another topic entirely)

i'll also add that i'm fucking terrible with kids, and reading how they're treated by authors upsets me greatly

[genderpunktheo]

Hey! Im confused about whats happening on twitter, so i just wanted to ask: the whole... argument. Disaster. Whatevers going on over there. Is it to do with you refering to the ‘bottom growth’ (is that actually the technical term?) as a dick, which like yes sure. But then im seeing people saying your saying the vagina/that whole area is a dick because a trans man has it, though i cant see where you did say that, which is confusing me. Because... its not, is it? The whole thing with people

Going ‘you dont have a dick your a biological women’ is dumb and transphobic, but is it correct to call those areas a dick if theyre... not? Outside of like, casual references, i mean in the more literal sense. this is all coming from a cis person whos only just learnt that this is a thing and thats why its throwing me off, i dont wanna sound like im coming from a ‘your wrong’ perspective! Im just not sure of the terminology, because a trans man who doesnt have a ‘growth’ or w/e would be a Man with a vagina, right, or would we say its a dick? I have no idea if this makes sense sorry

This ask is really old now (sorry about that! I read it at the time but just did not have it in me to answer after everything that went down on twitter) so I doubt you’ll even see this but I’ll give answering it a go anyway. 

So... when it comes to things like genitals, every trans person is gonna have a different way of dealing with that dysphoria (if they experience bottom dysphoria at all). Some trans guys are gonna call it a vagina and a clitoris, some are just gonna say “junk” to make it neutral and yeah, some are gonna say dick (and of course, any trans man who has had bottom surgery does indeed have a dick!)

Like you say, this happens often with “bottom growth” because one the clitoris grows on testosterone it can look and even function (since it will also harden or get erect when you’re aroused) much like a micro-penis. Is it exactly the same as a cis man’s penis? No, it’s not. Of course not. But... trans bodies don’t have to be the same as cis bodies. They’re still bodies. And technically, the clitoris is made from the exact same tissue as a penis. So, I would argue its perfectly correct to call it a dick if that’s how you view it and that’s what you wanna call it. 

Now I’m not saying that that means you should go label a clitoris “penis” on an anatomy chart. I’m just saying that while bottom growth isn’t biologically identical to a cis man’s penis, it’s also not biologically identical to a cis woman’s clitoris so... the lines are kind of blurred and you can call it whatever the fuck you wanna call it. 

Some people also use terms like babydick or dicklet to describe the fact that it’s obviously smaller and not exactly the same. Or words like T-dick to describe the fact that it’s growth from testosterone. 

As for if you’re not on T (like me)... then yeah it’s far more of a casual thing. I’m not an idiot I’m fully aware that I don’t actually have a penis. But I personally find it dysphoric to call my clitoris a clit, so I refer to it as my dick. Other than this one situation, this isn’t something I would usually ever speak about publically so this would just be between me and my long-term partner, who of course, has seen my junk and is aware of exactly what I have down there. It’s not misleading anyone or anything like that, it’s just a term that makes me more comfy. 

I’m perfectly happy saying that I am a man with a vagina. That is correct and true and fine. It’s just the clitoris word that spikes my dysphoria. I don’t know why, it just does. So yeah... when I’m talking with my partner, I say I have a vagina and a dick rather than a vagina and a clit. 

The whole situation on twitter started because someone jokingly tweeted about how giving a trans man a blow job (referring to bottom growth in this case) is a different skill set to giving a cis man a blow job. Some random cis guy came into the conversation to go off on one about how that wouldn’t count as a blow job so I basically told him “sucking dick is sucking dick, doesn’t matter if the dick is cis, a strap-on, bottom growth or whatever.” He proceeded to argue about whether it counted as a dick before finally saying that he’d googled pictures of it and now agreed that it was a dick.

So... I tweeted some screenshots and was like “hey cis people maybe don’t act like this... it’s kinda weird for you as a cis person to decide that it’s up to you what terms we’re allowed to use for our bodies.” Note that I was not saying that it’s the same as a cis penis! I was just saying you can it a dick or call oral a blow job if you want to! 

And for some reason... this really pissed people off. Lots of transmeds calling me a trender because “only a trender would go around saying they have a dick out of nowhere” which I find doubly frustrating because a). it wasn’t out of nowhere, some cis dude started it and b). i am 100% sure that if I called it a clit instead I’d be accused of being a trender for not being dysphoric enough. You just can’t win. 

Obviously lots of transphobes but also quite a few trans people. Who all wanted to make jokes about my body or how I have sex. Really nasty stuff, outright transphobia and bordering on sexual harassment. There was a lot of people who were attacking me for saying that a clitoris is a penis or because they thought I believed that it’s factual to say it’s identical to a cis penis. 

But... I never said any of that. All I said was that it can be a dick if you call it a dick (when it comes to stuff in the bedroom! Obviously medically speaking is a whole other issue). Because your sex life is your business. 

So there you go. There’s my thoughts on genitals. Hope that makes sense!

[feminisedlad]

tumblr trans community is just like: *reinvents bioessentialism but in a "cool trans way" every few months*

this was on reddit LOL i think this is just a thing w being online and also trans... as i said in my last ask i get why ppl make generalizations, and i dont rly expect a random trans woman whose orgasms now make her feel happy and authentic to add a bunch of asides about how technically estrogen =/= woman when shes happyposting on reddit. like whatever. on an individual level i dont care.

its worth noting too that im a killjoy, and even stuff like 'trans men all like rats' or 'trans women all like programming' strikes that same nerve despite the fact that its clearly ppl just making community injokes. it still annoys me bc im always like, 'but ... why do we have to associate random shit with gender....' and tbf thats. my own cross to bear ig.

also this is probably cis ppl but ive literally seen ppl say 'omg shut up abt bioessentialism, i JUST want to say men are intrinsically bad, this is the woke version of Not All Men'. like they get so mad when you point out that their beliefs abt gender are based on intrinsic, immutable changes abt individual people. it's fucking crazy dude. they might as well be like 'oh well of course i dont think its bad to be a man! because you can always go on HRT and join the Correct gender later. (also whats a trans man)'. like its no different from being a regular radfem except for the halfhearted attempt to support or validate trans women.

[wickymicky]

ive been feeling lately that im not sure i’ll ever transition. like idk if i’ll ever come out publicly. i dont want to. im certainly not ready for that now, and like partly because i still dont know what id even necessarily come out as. and its okay if i dont know, but obviously people are gonna ask. not everyone will think it’s okay if i don’t know, lol. and like.... idk. my friends will know. i’ll be me online, like here on this blog. but i’m not sure i’ll ever transition publicly. my sister is trans and is transitioning, on hormones, wearing clothes that express her gender better, that she never used to wear before, so she’s making a lot of changes and becoming happier for it. and going by her new name publicly now, which previously she wasn’t, i was one of the only people who knew it. but i can tell that that’s not me. 

whether i’m a girl or like none binary with left girl... either way... a transition for me wouldnt really involve changes to my physical appearance, except i guess taking hormones and shaving my face all the time instead of lazily letting my facial hair grow out even though i hate it and i think it looks and feels bad to have. but like... i wouldnt grow my hair out... i had long hair when i was in high school, longer than plenty of cis girls i was friends with haha. and eh, been there done that. no thanks. i dont wanna change how i dress because tbh i dress like... nothing. like really plain. the plainest things. and i wouldnt change that lol, i dont care. that’s a personality thing, not a gender thing. if i was born a cis girl, i feel like i would look exactly like i do now, dressing the same and with the same haircut. and on a cis girl, that might be very visibly queer haha, but.. i’m not a cis girl. so i dont even know what a transition would like... be. hormones i guess, but tbh i dont feel like they’d do a lot for me. 

testosterone makes afab people change in very noticeable ways, sometimes very fast, they start growing facial hair, building muscle differently, and their voices change. estrogen wouldnt change my voice, alter my overall shape all that much, or make facial hair stop growing. id get boobs i guess, but like, shrug, if that’s the only thing i would be doing it for, then it’s probably not what’s right for me. estrogen does make a lot of trans women feel a lot better about themselves and im not knocking that lol, i’m just talking about how this all pertains to me. top surgery for trans guys is relatively simple, they have a thing that they dont want and it can be removed relatively easily. i know it’s not actually easy, it’s expensive and hard to get and there’s always gonna be risk involved with stuff like that, but like compared to trans surgeries involving genitals, it’s a relatively simple one right? i think most trans guys who have top surgery dont necessarily have bottom surgery in any way, but just that first one, top surgery, makes such a noticeable visible difference and is a great weight off their shoulders, pun intended. im not interested in bottom surgery either, like, i mean im not wild about my thing, but im not interested in doing anything with that. but i dont have anything to chop off above my waist lmao, only things i think it would be neat if i had, haha. so basically what im saying is.... the list of changes i would even make to my physical appearance is like.... actually really small. and not because i love myself and am content with everything, cause im not. sigh. i just wish i had been born as a cis girl from birth. testosterone is too powerful and i wish it never ran amok through my body lmao, cause like i cant really undo all the stuff it did, not easily anyway. and the ways that we can undo those changes... arent things that i would be comfortable with. so im just left.... uncomfortable. that’s why trans guys transition so drastically... testosterone really fucks you up hahaha

hmmm. idk. i feel like the only thing a transition would really entail for me, at this stage in my life, is just people calling me Gwen in person. and using they/them or she/her, i guess. but i dont think i’m ready for that. that thought scares me. ive heard it sometimes in person, via my boyfriend (who is also trans, and transitioned before we started dating), and that can be nice, but i dont think im ready for my family or strangers to call me Gwen. i like it online because none of you know what i look like. i can be myself because none of you have preconceived notions about me... all you know is what you see when i say things online, which is great. in person though, im not sure im ready to handle the judgment and confused looks and suffer through every time someone goes “Wi- uh, i mean Gwen” like my mom still does with my sister. she’s trying, but she calls her her deadname like 50% of the time or more, and like i just.... idk. obviously she calls me my birthname too, because she doesnt even know my new name, but the fact that she doesnt know it means that it doesnt really bother me when she calls me my birthname. if she knew it, and said my deadname, even by accident, it would just be like... idk... a whole thing.... you know? i wouldnt correct her necessarily, not all the time anyway, but she might correct herself and idk that just seems like something i would feel really awkward experiencing, i dont think im ready for all that. especially cause like... and this is the big reason..................................... i dont feel like Gwen. not physically, anyway. i feel like Gwen when i’m online cause i can just *be* Gwen, but physically... if im in my room, by myself, it’s fine, but when i’m around people i *really* don’t feel like Gwen. because i havent transitioned i guess, but like... idk. i just really dont wanna draw too much attention to myself. i talk a lot on here, but i’m an anxious person, i’m shy, i’m very introverted, etc. 

idk, i think i had more to say, but this is just kind of a ramble, and i lost my train of thought. i think im done for now lol. i’m just venting. you dont need to message me and console me or anything, i’m not doing bad right now, i’m doing fine. i’m just thinking out loud. but im not distraught or whatever, dont worry haha. and this isnt stuff that it like hurt to admit... cause its stuff ive been thinking about for a long long time haha. so yeah dont worry, im okay. im just posting this because it helps to get thoughts out of your head, you know?