#im desperately want to continue with the final chapter and the only thing thats stopping me is my fear of it coming out shit

[idk-ilike5sos]

Halfway through, the game was paused for Mike to use the bathroom. Will expected Max to follow, keep up the act that the bathroom door was the reason they’d been inseparable all night. But, to Will’s surprise, she stayed close by his side.

With an unacknowledged tension, they stood at their respective end of the table. Meanwhile, Lucas, El, and Dustin were on the other side. A few feet away, the three laughed as they spoke over each other - heavily contrasting Will and Max hardly existing together.

Will combed a hand through his hair, wishing the stuffy air could do more for his flushed skin. As time passed, he’d adjusted better to his new-found dizzy disposition, but his hot skin was yet to go unnoticed.

As his hand dropped back by his side with a huff, Max’s elbow nudged into his ribs. He looked at her with eyebrows raised in question.

“You look awful,” Max said, in her deadpan way, “in an if-you-don’t-barf-you’ll-pass-out way.”

“Thanks,” Will scoffed.

“C’mon.” Max’s hand wrapped around his wrist and she started pulling him away from the table.

Will didn’t bother arguing or asking questions - instead, following his feet as Max guided him through the kitchen. Careful of the beer bottles and plastic cups abandoned on the floor, he watched his feet trudge through the room until Max suddenly stopped. He looked up to a door leading outside, which Max opened then continued to pull him through.

As the door closed, the music was significantly quieter, giving off the illusion of a far more contained friendly get-together. The grass, muted in the winter season, stretched to a brown waist-high fence that surrounded the area. In the back right corner, a tall tree overhung a square of the garden. The branches were all bare, and gray tinted the peeling bark while a patchwork blanket of leaves covered the ground below in shades of deathly brown. There weren’t half as many people in the garden, allowing the chance for something of privacy.

Max dragged him along the length of the wall - avoiding stretched-out legs and bodies hunched on the ground - until they reached the corner. The closest person was at least six feet away and halfway to being passed out. Will leaned against the wall, staring into the garden, and Max did the same.

At the end of the garden, some people were smoking cigarettes and, from the smell of things, weed. Just outside of the group, were various couples scattered around, making out as if there were no one else around to witness it. Leaning against the brick wall of the house were a handful of people with red faces and slow-blinking eyes - all with the same goal of sobering up. Or, at the least, not vomiting everywhere.

In his periphery, Will caught sight of two girls wandering over to the lone tree. They stumbled hand-in-hand with red solo cups sloshing by their sides. Then, grips tightened on each other as they awkwardly sat beneath the branches. Backs against the rough trunk, their shoulders pressed together - like it was natural and not something they had to second-guess - then they lifted their plastic cups and cheers-ed. A mouthful of each spilled onto their clothes, making their heads fall back with loud laughter.

In the back of Will’s mind - he pretended they were in love. Secretly together, as they used mundane acts of friendship as dates. He’d never admit it to his conscious self; he’d curse at himself for being stupid. But, in reality, it made him feel less alone.

“I see you and Mike are friends again,” Max said, her voice bordering on an accusation.

It grounded Will: shoving the garden, the two girls, beneath a blurry filter. His cheeks blushed as if Max had heard all of the thoughts playing in his mind and his heart twisted with guilt.

Weight shifted between his feet and he offered a pathetic shrug. “We never weren’t.”

The fresh air swept over his skin in the shape of a thousand prickling needles. Ice clung to his skin - to the back of his neck - as goosebumps formed and hair stood. His stomach churned as his blood turned cold, tingling up and down his limbs like nails ghosting his skin.

“Bullshit,” Max spat - Will could feel her glare.

Between the however-many beers he’d drank and the long night - long three months - he’d had, frustration oozed into his blood, and his face tensed with all the ice flooding through him. His brows twitched into a frown and his jaw set tight.

“And since when have you two been attached at the hip?” He peered through the corner of his eyes: Max’s body directed at him as she stared out of narrowed eyes.

She faltered a little. Nothing but silence attached to her tongue as she opened her mouth in search of an excuse. Her shoulders rose, eyes drifting; she might as well have held up a sign with “I’m about to lie” written on it. She seemed to understand as much, when her shoulders slumped with a huff.

Will looked away, but the blurred filter remained over his eyes like a shield. He didn’t try looking at the girls again - worried someone would notice and get the wrong idea, that he was interested in one of them. He swapped them in favor of the old, wrinkled grass in front of him.

“Look–” Max started again, her voice stern, “–I don’t know what game you think you’re playing, but Mike–”

“It’s not a game,” Will interrupted with a desperate whine in his voice, as he finally turned to Max. His eyes bat between hers for a second as she settled and waited with raised brows. His arms flailed, the whine merging with the pent-up frustration: “I get that you’re trying to help - but it’s just making it harder. If you give me five minutes to talk to him alone, all of this could be over already.”

“Why is this so important to you?” Max bit back - almost every bit as irritated as him. “Why right now?”

There was his chance. Confess. Get everything off his chest. Let Max know - let Max help.

It was perfect.

“Because–” Will started, but his voice cut off, strained. With his mouth hung open - waiting for every word hanging on the end of his tongue to fall off: to rush out of his mouth with the same urgency it had when telling Lucas - his wide, glazed eyes flickered between Max’s.

She was his friend. One of his best friends. They’d been through a hell of a lot worse together than Will confessing he liked boys. That didn’t loosen the lump clogging his throat, though.

He tried to remember the feeling he’d had earlier in the day when Lucas had brought it up as if it was nothing more than an inconvenient crush. He tried to remember that Max had grown up in California - somewhere so much more diverse - and that she’d never implied any negative connotation towards, well, people like him. He tried to remember the summer of eighty-five: how most days were just him, Max, and Lucas - getting new high scores at the arcade, or riding bikes through town.

All the while: Max waited, expectantly, but something softer suddenly hid beneath her exterior. Her eyebrows lowered, the frown a faint ghost on her features, but her lips remained pursed. Closed; shut; silent. She wasn’t going to say another thing until Will dared to finish that sentence.

But it could never, ever be so simple.

With a defeated sigh, Will’s shoulders fell as his head knocked against the wall. His teeth clamped the inside of his cheek - all the alcohol in his blood making it impossible to blink away the wet glimmer in his eyes. His tongue quickly coated his lips and he wondered if Max would let him borrow her “I’m about to lie” sign.

“Because he’s important to me.”

It wasn’t a lot - it was hardly anything - but it was something.

Max stayed quiet, her eyes boring into the side of Will’s face like laser beams.

“And–” so, Will continued with a wavering voice; an ounce of courage - but the end goal was too far out of reach: a smudge in the distance, “–I know the past few months probably doesn’t make it seem like it, but he is. I just want to fix this.”

“Well, I’m sorry–” Max replied, quiet and reluctant as she lacked the sharp teeth she’d had a moment prior, “–but he doesn’t want to talk about it.”

“Yeah, I know.” Will nodded to himself - then let his eyes wander back over to Max as his head turned. “But we’re gonna have to eventually.”

Her face had lost the harsh creases, smooth with sorrow and pity. Her eyes met his, guilt in the twinkle of light - likely the same thing she was seeing.

“It’s not up to me,” she said with a sheepish shrug, “if he says he doesn’t want to talk about it right now, I’m gonna be there for him.”

She pushed off the wall, her gaze dropping to the ground, then she started back towards the door.

“C’mon–” she said, “–they’re probably waiting for us.”

Will got to work at blinking down the tears in his eyes as he followed.

[This is a scene from the most recent chapter of my Sober Thoughts series, continue reading through the links if you enjoyed!! <3]

[mejomonster]

Ill stop being a broken record soon (about sherlock chapter one anyway - im just starting the next game and WILL be blathering about it lol)

If you do want to play a be-sherlock simulator? Sherlock Holmes Chapter One is worth checking out. Or if, like me, you like detective games generally (i recommend Judgement by the way if thats your vibe), id also say pick this up because the freedom to make wrong deductions and decide outcomes is quite the unique choice and its interesting to see. Many detective games can give you a case to solve (and as a story nerd id like to solve them thoroughly and correctly). And they'll hold your hand to some extent because u generally do Need to solve the cases to continue the game. Now, SHCO does to an extent hold your hand, with the typical gameplay tools and by providing eventual paths To Progress the cases in some direction depending on how many clues you find and deductions you put together in the mind palace. But because most of the cases have areas you can be wrong and progress, or pick from multiple viable options to decide what happened, and just the fact you decide the final outcome for that accused... fascinating. It means the case writing is interesting enough you do guess to yourself who did it, and regularly change your guess based on evidence, and theres no obvious BAM for sure guess (in contrast simpler detective shows like some cdramas i love often have easy to guess perpetrators once you learn the writing pattern). When i saw this game's reviews, people seemed mixed on this particular feature of the game. Since it means theres many points where you feel either theres no True perpetrator and the game changes it, or you feel theres no power to determine the Truth.

But i think... partly thats the point. Verner (lol) wont shut up about his opinion of many things possibly mattering more than the truth, and in true frustrating fashion you are JUST as aggravated as Sherlock is by the difficulty in Absolutely being sure of the Truth. And that frustration, and experience, is hammered home in the very final decision of the game: deciding the answer to the main question you started this journey for. You can pick any of the answers. You'll get its own ending. Sherlock will be certain he deduced the truth. Or at least, as certain as you Or him can be... when any 4 of those scenarios might be the truth as far as you can tell. Sherlock's shaken, and maybe he isn't convinced of the truth being certain any more than you are... but he does DECIDE on an answer to live with. He is unsure whats true, but picks one of many possible truths and gives himself closure with it. A very relatable though painful experience pretty much everyone does in life at some point.

And i think thats a big reason they designed so many cases that way. Its not that the game's whole story is unfirm, or the cases stories are inconsequential. No. Its just that the point is in the meaning you take from a world you can never fully completely be sure of, how you pick what to base your life on when you can only be sure of your own reasoning. But no mattwr how much you wish to control life by understanding it, you can never fully understand it, never fully know everything. Ambiguity is part of life and life is impossible to fully control. The cases are like that so you feel like Sherlock, trying desperately to nail down a firm reliable truth to make sense of a messy stressful uncontrollable world.

So like. From a story perspective? The choice serves the game's themes and point well.

From a detective game perspective? Its very fun if ur trying to feel like a detective, to get some stories where you actually turn over your guesses and contemplate and feel you need to really delve in the clues thoughtfully, if u want to draw the best conclusions u can.

[thekingofwinterblog]

It’s all for his sake - Endeavor and the Sunk Cost Fallacy

My hero academia 301 is a pretty interesting chapter, but for me, the most notable piece of it was how Endeavour reacted to the realization that Touya couldnt surpass All Might.

upon realizing that his son might not be able to do it because of inborn physical limitations, he immediatly stopped his training, which frankly was the responsible and adult thing to do. 

This stint of real parenthood did not last long however.

After taking the matter to a doctor, he is flat out told that not only cant Touya achive what endeavor wants, but it is a direct result of his incredibly selfish and irresponsible attempt to play god, by trying to breed the “perfect” hero into being.

It is how you react when you lose however, that shows who you really are, and endeavor illustrates that very, very well.

Upon being told in no uncertain terms that his attempts at Breeding an heir failed magnificently, producing a child that was not capable of resisting his own immense power, but also admonished by his doctor for even attempting it, and adviced not to try again, Endeavor instead doubled down, while focusing on the child he screwed over from the start with his attempt at genetic manipulation.

It was all for him you see. Endeavor doesnt use those words, but that is how he spins it here. it was all for Touya, all for his sake. if i stop now, then Touya was all for nothing, a mistake, im doing this for my son.

if im doing this for my son, then im not responsible for any of this.

his wife however, calls him out on it, as she understands Touya much, much more than endeavor does. or rather, she sees him fully as a human being, instead of as a thing, a weapon, a failed attempt at an heir.

Unlike Endeavor, Rei is able to see the way this all is affecting her son. She is able to see, and understand that Touya has fully accepted what Endeavor wanted him to be. a stronger, and better version of himself. however, unlike Endeavor, she only cares about him as a person.

Endeavour by comparison isnt completely uncaring about Touya. like most abusive parents, he does possess love for his offspring, but it is forever tainted by the fact that however much he might care, or not care about Touya, any familial love he has for his son is tainted by the fact that to Endeavor, he is a failed experiment, a failed heir, not his child. 

He is the golden child that Endeavor was building up as his true and only heir, who he breed, trained, and molded to for that single purpose, and now that he’s reached a point where he cant continue that legacy.

so, its time to abandon him, and start over new, despite literarily having just learned how stupid this plan was, and that it can, in fact, go completely wrong, with a quirk that will fuck over the person he brings into the world.

Of course, Endeavor doesnt use those words to frame it. there is no way to pretend to be a hero, if you phrase it like that after all. Intead, this is the words he uses.

this is a very important series of panels for a great number of reasons, some that can be debated, argued, and we will probably never know the full truth to the questions because this is a series published in 2020′s shonen jump, and there are things that probably wasnt gonna fly with Hori’s editors, if it was the case.

but lets start with what can not be debated. Endeavor’s words here.

“If we want him to give it up, then we have no choice... Touya... Cant surpass him.”

These are very telling words, and however you believe The third and fourth children of the Todoroki family was concieved, there is not denying the meaning of what he’s saying here.

The only way that my son will stop being an idiot and fall into line, is if we have another baby. that is the only Right way to move forward. it is morally right, because if we dont do this, then he’s going to destroy himself.

there are two ways to interpret this scene.

The charitable way is to read it as the fact that he used Rei’s oldest son’s mental state as a justification of guilting his wife to have a third child, to give this attempt at a superpowered breeding project another shot, despite the fact that they now know that this can lead to a child who is essentially born crippled from his own powers, and despite the fact that Rei obviously understands the effect of them continuing this insanity will have on their oldest son.

the uncharitable way to look at it, is that he used this as justification for flat out raping her, and forcing a third, and then later a fourth child on her.

I personally believe the last one, given a number of factors shown in this chapter(the way this page is framed, the fact Rei obviously didnt want a third child, given she predicted exactly how touya would react, the way her eyes would latet turn when she looks at who is presumably touya which really brings to mind how she would later react to her youngest son’s face after her mental breakdown, etc.), but i’ll frankly admitt that withouth a direct quote from Hori, its impossible to know for sure one way or another. 

either way however, this is a very good example of Endeavor both being influenced by, and using Sunk Cost Fallacy to justify bringing another potentially crippled child into the world for his own, selfish goals.

sunk cost Fallacy, is a mental reaction to when you invest more time and resources into a project, that you becomes so emotionally invested into said project that you will continue to invest into it, even if it reaches a point that it becomes clear that the resources you put into it, far, far outweighs the potential gains you can achieve.

because if you give up after having invested years, and years of effort to breed, raise, and train a kid, and then all that effort was absolutely wasted. hence he choose to keep going, despite having learned what a terrible idea this is.

He doesnt care about the fact that his next child might be even more crippled than his firstborn, he doesnt care about his son’s actual wellbeing. he cares about the fact that if he doesnt continue this insanity, then not only will he not achieve his dreams, but everything he did to get to this point was for absolutely nothing.

and endeavor cannot accept that. and so long as he can justify breeding more children into the world, and there being any chance they might inherit both quirks perfectly, he doesnt care about anything else.

and the moment he realised that this kid wasnt gonna cut it either, he did it again. it is not a coincidence, that the age gap between Endeavor’s second, third, and fourth children were all 3-4 years apart. because thats the age where you can usually tell when a quirk will manifest or not, as established earlier in the series.

While she isnt brought up directly by Endeavor as a justification, it is very telling that Endeavor decided on having a third child, only after his second child was old enough that he could tell that that there was no chance she could take the place as his heir instead.

So, he had his third child, and as time passed and it became obvious that he wasn’t gonna be able to fulfill Endeavor’s goals either, he dumped him, and instead breed a fourth child into existence.

and finally, he struck gold. he did it. he produced Shoto.

everything was finally worth it, and now, everything would be absolutely fine. the cost fallacy had reached its end, and it was now all full sails ahead.

except of course it wasnt.

His oldest son, now in middle school, had been raised from birth to believe he would surpass his father, only to be thrown away, and getting to see his father try to replace him, not once, but twice.

frankly, this scene is probably my favorite in the chapter, because it goes to show Endeavor’s mindset. Natsuo made a point that their father completely ignored his older children. and he did... from Natsuo’s perspective. however, having a more thourough picture of things, we can clearly see that this wasnt the case with Touya.

Endeavor genuinly cared for Touya, enough that once he got that child he tried to breed into existence 4 times, he genuinly wanted him to just abandon trying to be a hero. he genuinly thinks of himself as a good dad here, wanting his son to abandon the mission he set out for him before he was born. of course, with context, this heartwarming scene is incredibly sad and insidious, because we understand why Endeavor got so attached to his oldest child. because he WAS the golden child. he was the child Endeavor genuinly cared about, and invested in, and trained personally with great warmth and enthusiasm.

And not only did he abandon him as a failed project the moment he realized he wasnt gonna live up to his ridiculous standards, but he literarily created 2 more kids to try and replace him, just as his oldest son was old enough to understand what exactly his dad was doing. over the course of this chapter, we get to see Touya’s start as a 5-8 year old, his deteriorating mental state over the years, until he finally seemed to reach the breaking point with Shoto’s birth sometime in his middle school years 12-15. 

Endeavor is in this scene, just not capable of understanding why Touya so desperately wants to become a hero, when obviously he isnt physically able to do so. he isnt able to understand that he is 100% to blame for the fact that his son is having a full emotional breakdown after literaly being replaced by his siblings. 

In other words, Endeavor genuinly think’s he’s a good person. a person who has made a few mistakes along the way sure, but a person who was always justified in the end, and now that he’s having to face the fact that as dabi would later say “The past never dies” and has to face the aftermath of his inane attempt to play god for the pettiest of reasons, things simply arent going to work out.

He isnt going to have a happy family, who can now put the awful early years behind them, he put way too much effort, caused too much suffering and sacrificed too many years of his life for this not to work out as he wants.

after all, if he walks away from this project now, and lets Shoto have a normal childhood, and decide for himself, with no pressure from him, wheter or not to become a hero, then the sunk cost fallacy will have reached a negative end. it will all have been for nothing.

and we know he did eventually double down on this mentality, literarily beating into Shoto that he WAS going to become a hero, and there was not but’s or no’s about it.

there was no way that Endeavor was EVER going to let things be for nothing. His treatment of his older children could not be for nothing. His treatment of his wife could not be for nothing. His treatment of Shoto, and the way he beat him black and blue to train him, could not be for nothing.

Because if it all was for nothing, if everything he feels guilty about was for absolutely nothing, then he was in fact, a bad, bad person, who had no justification for anything he ever did.

[hufflautia]

Where it all started [Part 1]

Chapter 1 

Sometimes links don’t appear on posts. if you can’t see the link to “Chapter 1”, my masterlist is pinned to the top of my blog, and you can find it there.

Summary: Slytherin’s parents have another argument, but at this point, no one’s surprised. After all, they’re her parents. It would be abnormal if they didn’t argue. However, this one’s a biggie. The fight ends with the slam of a door and her dad packing his bags into the car and getting ready to leave. Desperate for him to come back, Slytherin’s mom forces her to go to him with a message that will surely make him stay. Buckle up folks, for this is where it all began. 

Slytherin stood on the sidewalk as she watched her dad pack up his things into the van. 

She dug her fingernails into her arm, her heart stinging with ache as her dad turned around with a smile on his face, a failed attempt to reassure her that it was going to be ok. It was all gonna be ok. After all, this was normal, right? It’s not like it was unusual that her dad was leaving again to go back to Florida, where the homewrecker waited for him, her outstretched hands eagerly opened up to him and his credit card. 

However, this was the first time he left abruptly. A spike of sorrow stabbed at Slytherin’s heart as she thought back to the sound of her parents’ door abruptly opening; soon after, she could hear angry stomps that quickly descended down the steps of the staircase. 

She could almost hear the hiss in her ear as she stood in the archway of the living room, watching her dad leave in the far distance. “Tell him that Ravenclaw’s crying,” her mother spat, pushing her towards the front door. “Quickly, before he leaves!” 

Slytherin internally sighed. How typical. Instead of resolving their relationship issues by going to couples therapy, her mom decided to throw all those burdens onto her daughter, who had already grown tragically used to being used as her puppet. 

She decided not to argue against going after her dad and trying to guilt-trip him into staying home as her mom wanted. Otherwise, she would be lectured on how she’s selfish and wouldn’t do this small thing for her mom, how she’s basically ruining this family by letting her dad leave, how family is so fucking important and manipulating her dad into staying would be vital to their happiness as a whole, how family this and family that. 

You get the point. Slytherin certainly did. That’s why she was currently standing awkwardly behind her dad, staring at his back as he lifted boxes into his car. 

“Um, Raven…” She paused. Her throat felt dry and tight. Swallowing with difficulty, she tried again. “Ravenclaw’s crying.” 

It wasn’t the crying itself that mattered. That wasn’t the main reason why her mom rushed her out the door to deliver the message to her dad. It was simply the fact that it was Ravenclaw who was crying. Let’s just say that he and his dad had a complicated relationship. 

Things were never the same between them after Ravenclaw sent an angry message to him via text when he was in Florida a year ago. The contents of the message reeked of disdain for his constant infidelity. When his mom found out, she shoved the phone into Slytherin’s face in the dead of night and asked if she knew about this. The glaring light from the screen nearly blinded her. 

Slytherin read the text messages through squinted eyes and could make out a few curse words here and there. Though she was slightly disoriented from the sudden ambush of information, it was clear to her that her brother resented their dad for what he did.  

That made Ravenclaw’s anguish even more useful in their mom’s opinion. Seeing the tears streak down his face when he heard that his dad was leaving again, she had a glorious idea. Perhaps if her husband knew of their son’s sorrow, he would reconsider his abrupt departure. After all, it was Ravenclaw who was crying. 

If it were Hufflepuff, that would be understandable—she can get quite emotional sometimes. But it was Ravenclaw, who was usually guarded and distant. One might suggest that he was secretly broken inside. But that’s not the point, at least not in his mom’s opinion. The main thing she was concerned about was that she could use his misery to her advantage! Maybe if her husband knew of his sadness, he would feel guilty enough to stay behind. After all, if his son, who despised him, was upset over his departure, perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad to stay home and endure his wife’s temper for a little while longer. 

Slytherin’s words did produce somewhat of a reaction. Her dad didn’t turn around for a while, but when he did, his eyes were slightly red and puffy. It was evident that he was trying to hold back his tears. One might think that this means that he’ll stay. He seemed distraught over the news that his son was crying because of his leave. Surely, he’ll stay, right? 

It wasn’t enough. Nothing ever seems to be enough.

“I’ll be back soon, okay?” He hugged her briefly and gave a light squeeze as a sign of reassurance. As a silent message that it was going to be ok. Even though everything was most definitely not okay. A thousand hugs and gestures of reassurance wouldn’t change this. 

Slytherin didn’t react angrily to his refusal, the unspoken declaration of No, I will not go back home. In fact, it seemed as if she didn’t react at all. However, if one were paying close attention, they would notice the sparkle in her eyes dim. But maybe there wasn’t a sparkle to begin with. She had been enduring this shit for so long that she forgot what it was like to be normal, to feel like the white kid you see in commercials, the one who seemed to radiate mirth, a type of energy that said, I don’t have a care in the world because life is so fucking great and I can’t stop smiling. She didn’t even bother to smile, a common facial expression when one is in a difficult situation and tries to diffuse the somber atmosphere by slapping a facade on their face, the corners of their lips upturned to form a grimace that resembles some sort of a smile—a twisted kind of smile, that’s for sure. Why should she pretend that everything was okay when it wasn’t? Instead, she merely nodded in response. 

When her dad pulled away to pack the last box into the trunk, she took a deep breath to diminish the familiar sense of abandonment that flooded her senses, to clear the warning signs that flashed in her mind. He’s leaving! Your dad is leaving! He’s abandoning you again. You’re apparently not important enough for him to stay. 

She stared at the ground, only looking up when she heard the sound of a car door slamming shut. The resounding click was all it took for the waterfalls to finally pour from her eyes, for it was at this moment when she realized that this was actually happening. This was no dream—it was reality. Her sad, devastating reality. Tears blurred her vision as she watched the car drive away, leaving her in the dust. 

Slytherin gasped in erratic breaths between her broken sobs as her eyes hung onto the tiny speck that resembled her dad who was driving 

away, 

away, 

and a-w-a-y.

Through the jumble of thoughts that clashed in her head, one thing was clear. Her dad was her dad, but only sometimes. 

Tears streaking down her face, she tried to soothe her pain with the belief that he would be back soon. If only she had known that it would be a while before he returned. If only he hadn’t left. Perhaps things would’ve been different for her if he stayed, for this was where it started. 

This marked the beginning of it all.   

Comments and reblogs are a writer’s gold!

MASTERLIST ; sometimes links don’t appear on posts. if you can’t see the link to “MASTERLIST”, the masterlist itself is pinned to the top of my blog. check it out if you haven’t already! 

Author’s note: HI! Were you surprised to see that I posted two fics in a row?? I hope you enjoyed this. Most of it was unfortunately based on what happened to me a year or two ago. I based Ravenclaw on my brother, who did actually cry when my dad was leaving after an argument, and yes, my wack mother did force me to run after my dad to tell him. One of the few differences is that I’m not a drug addict and I’m fine now so dont worry. 

Idk how I feel about this series, it is a lot darker from what I usually write. I know I’m gonna have to write more for creative writing class, so maybe i will continue it. I will try to think of how to turn these fics into something more positive, because this stuff is very heavy and depressing. however, that will be a little difficult because the plot itself is naturally drab. however, i will try to think of a happy ending for Faye/Slytherin. 

Shall we look at some wholesome pictures? 

lmaoaoa i pasted this picture from the internet and tumblr glitched and pushed the pic all the way to the top. imagine seeing this dog at the beginning of the fic, that would be funny :’) 

AWWWWWW I THINK THIS MIGHT BE MY FAVORITE

ok hold up i just realized that is probably a stuffed animal 😐 this is so embarassing lmaoaoa when i saw it i was like THAT IS SO FRICKIN CUTE

OK WAIT WTF NOW I THINK ITS AN ACTUAL DOG??? CAN SOMEONE HELP AND TELL ME IF ITS REAL OR NOT?!! at first, i thought it was real, but then i looked at the paws and it looked kinda fake and i was like this dog is too fluffy and wholesome to be real. BUT THEN I LOOKED AGAIN and i think the owners just put the pooh outfit over the dog?? what is going on with my brain.. but at the same time, its 2 am for me rn so maybe i should get some sleep BUT FIRST, LETS LOOK AT MORE DOGS <3 (lmaoaoa i feel like my friend would say “gosh ur such a hufflepuff” (menna im talking about u lmao omg hey gorl)) 

After seeing this gryffindor pup, i immediately searched up “dog costumes hufflepuff” lmaoooooo

OK THATS ENOUGH DOGS FOR NOW. Part 2 is coming soon. I already have it ready but I might not post it right away. 

That’s all for now. Be sure to let me know what you think. TOODELOOO!

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[bucciaratizippers]

Genre: slight NSFW i guess

Pairing: Pannacotta Fugo x reader

Summary: Reader comes home to see Fugo alseep in bed and moaning her name, having a very good dream.

Word count: 1409

A/N: so hello there my ppl so this is my first Smut so i hope its not cringey i just u all end up loving it so ye if ur a softie and cant stand lemons then skip to the next chapter.

⚠️About Request⚠️

Also i do take requests so if u wanna send me a repuest u must do these following things

The name of character

What genre

And what scenario

Thats all love u all.

AutherChan6

(*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡

You were on your way home as you walked past a nice takeaway restaurant. It was so bright thata you had to squint you eyes to see the name of the take away restaurant.

And to be honest you were feeling kinda hungry so it wouldnt hurt if you got some fod for you and your boyfriend.

Yes thats right you have a boyfriend. His name was Pannacotta Fugo. You two basically just moved un together and have been dating for 2 years now.

As you wantes to step into the restaurant your phone started ringing.

You let out a sight and run your hand through your hair as you picked up your phone.

"Hello"

"Hey sweetie how are you doing" your boyfriend answers from the other side of rhe phone.

"Nothing much, just tought i would buy some some Chinese takeaway for us ....that is if you wa-"

"OFCOURSE I WOULD LOVE CHINESE TAKEAWAY, I HAVENT HAVE THAT IN LIKE YEARS" he yells in excitement.

"Just needed to check on you feeling really tired right now, so please hurry so i wouldnt have to be worried that your still out here alone."

"Okay, okay im on my way i will see you soon"

And like that you hung up.

You entered the store, bought some food for you and your boyfriend, paid then left the store happly.

-

You open the front door to the hause you and Fugo shared but to your surprise it was very quiet.

Fugo didnt show himself nor appeared infront of the door to greet you and give you huggs like he would normally do.

You found this strange but then later considered that he was asleep.

You walked all the way trough the hallway into the kitchen.

You droped the food you bought on the counter as you went upstairs to wake up Fugo.

"Fugo!!"

No sound so you yelld again.

"Fugo!!"

Again not a single noise.

Later you gave up and headed your way up the stairs .

As you got closer and closer to the room door you heard some voices. Something close to whimpering maybe?

"Fugo? Is that you?"

You called as you tip toed closer to the room door. Slowly you open the door to find a already asleep Fugo in his bed.

You sigh in relief know there wasnt a stranger in your house. It was just your boyfriend sleeping.

But then you were 100% sure you heard something that soiunded like whimpering.

In that moment you heard him.

"[Y/N]~ hmmm"

You open your mouth in shock. Aas your boyfriend dreaming about you?

Right here? Right now?

"Ahh mh..mm [Y/N]~ your to good....for m.e.ee"

There again. He was moaning.

You tip toed closer to him and he was asleep ofcourse but to your surprise you see that there was a tent built around his groin area.

You look in shook. Between your thighs beginning to heat up just by the sight of your boyfriend's erection.

You let out a snall moan as you touch your self. Trying to create friction between your legs.

"Wait i wanted to wake Fugo up right? So why not wake him up in a very special way huh?"

You tought to your self.

You slowly make your way onto yhe bed trying not to wake him up immediately in the process.

You lean closer to his face and place some small tender kisses on his cheek. From his cheek you make your way to his jawline and place also small tender kisses there too.

You continue to loave a trail of hickeys on his neck while your other hand glides down his chest.

It goes down futher south untill it reached its destination. You palmed his erection through his sweat pants as Fugo lets out a queit groan.

It was musuic to your ears.

Slowly you began to trace the outline on his erection until you felt him twitch under your touch. You let out a small moan as you couldnt hold it in anymore.

You sat down in the position where your legs were on each side of Fugo's hips, hands on his chest.

You grinded onto his groin and let out another moan. Enjoying the feeling you were having.

Just then Fugo wakes up suprised to see you gindjng unto him.

But hey he wasn't complaining about it.

Out of instinct he bucked his hip into your heated core, his erection craving to be touched.

"Mmhm Fugo mhhm~~"

You moaned loudly.

Fugo ler out a smirk as he stared at you.

He quickly turns the tables by turning around you now under beneath him.

Before you could say anything you were stoped by a heated and desperate kiss. He licked against your bottom lip asking for entrance.

You want to taese him so you dont five him the permission to enter.

Fugo then grabs one of your breasts, you being startled by this lets out a little squeak ofcourse letting your guard down. He takes the advantage to slip his toung into your mouth.

The kiss becomes needy and more needy as the both of you are having a heated makeout session.

He breaks the kiss for some air and theen goes for your neck leaving small hickeys here and there.

You moan and whimper under his touch. Your hands snake around Fugo's neck.

Fugo quickly pulls of the t-shirts your wearing along with your pants. Now left with only a panties and a bra.

Onthe other hand you only manage to pull of his top he was wearing gliding your hands along his well toned abs.

Fugo unbuckles yiur bra, taking one breast in one hand teasing it and taking the other breast jnto his mouth.

His tounge swirls around your nipple arousing you.

"Mmhh ahh Fugo i need you right now mhhmm~~"

He stops to look at you. He looks at you deep in the eyes before replying.

"What is it you want darling?"

He says with a smirk.

"I need uhhhgg..... i need you~~"

"You've got to be more specific darling"

You gathered the strength you needed and then told him..

"Ahhh i need your thick cock to strech my tight wet little pussy ahh mmmm~~

Please daddy fill me up with your delicious cum mhhmm~~"

Fugo wasted no time pulling of ypur panties and flinging it to a random corner in the room along with pulling his sweat pants and boxer briefs.

As his dick sprung out you became more impatient and became a moaning mess aunder him.

Begging himm to slide his thick shaft into your tight walls.

He gives himself some strokes then aligns himself infront of your entrance.

Slowly he enters into you bit by bit. Once he is fully in he lets you adjust to his size before slowly pounding into you.

You moan like crazy, unable to control yourself at the moment.

He pickes up his pace as he pounds into you mercilessly and leans down to whisper sweet nothings into your ear.

Saying how good you make him feel, How he feels like putty right now, how tight your walls are squeezing him to how beautiful you look under him.

As Fugo hits your G Spot you immediately moan out his name.

"FUGO!"

"Fuck [Y/N]"

You both cursed as you both chased your orgasm yor nails digged into Fugo's back as you felt your orgasm getting nearer and nearer.

Finally you came on Fugo's cock and Fugo coming immediately after.

He fell right beside you and instantly hugged you. Bringing you as close as possible.

You also being exhausted embrace him to you whosper to him...

"ti amo"

"ti amo anch'io"

The both of you drifted to sleep.

The Chinese takeaway totally forgotten

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Trophy chapter four

Masterlist

Warnings: Adult Themes Dubcon,Controlling Behaviour, Swearing, Smut +18 Only

Chapter 0ne Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter five Chapter Six

Your escape doesn’t go as planned as Henry reveals just how much power he truly has.

You were just over a week into your 'stay' at Henry's manor and had just about had enough. Youd spent the last few days in a constant fit of frustration. I had become very clear in the first few days that you were nothing more than a toy, a doll for him to coo over and manipulate. Or maybe a better way to discribe it was the girl in a childs music box being made to dance when ever the owner decided to open the lid. Either way you felt trapped used and helpless, at first he made sure you spent as much time as possible together taking you to the office when he had to work, sitting you on the sofa with a book or parade you around the house.

After that he would put you in what became your daily cell tho never alone if he wasnt with you kal was. Day after day you were left in here a freshly decorated room that youd heard the guards refer to as the play room, it was like a large airy living room like somthing from pintrest a plush looking corner sofa around a light coffee table,large tv on the wall above the fireplace with games consoles neatly tucked away,two floor to ceiling book cases either side ,there was a cabinet full of dvds and games behind the sofa opposite there was a sideboard filled with sketch books, pens and pencils ect and a two seat small dining table sat between the two cabinets. The room was a mix of soft pale pinks and blues and was chock full of soft furnishings pillows and various blankets draped here and there and huge faux fur rug . The window was locked being ground level ,that was the first thing you checked when left alone ,not that you'd get far across the gravel drive he had made a point not to give you shoes. The saying bare foot in the kitchen sprung to mind.

He would visit you when you were in here at lunch forcing you to eat with threats of spanking sometimes worse. Being treated like a child was wearing thin and to be quiet honest you were becoming scared,finding it easier to go along with his insanity, you called him daddy without a thought somewhere in the back of your mind you knew it was wrong but after just over a week he had managed to drum it into you. It was frighteing just how quickly you could be conditioned you had to get out soon. He was overbearing always helping himself to you, kissing ,touching and generally trying to act as if you were a couple until you did something he didnt like then it was back to threats and reality hit.

Today was slightly different you woke up curled on your side his henry lazily running his finger through your hair you squinted rubbing your eyes as he leant over kissing your shoulder before running hi hand across your tummy spreading out his fingers and pulling you back against his crotch, he rocked against your bottom groaning quietly into your hair as you felt his cock springing to life he grinded harder against you before shuffling pinning you flat on your back straddling you pulling your legs to rest either side of his hips you whined in protest trying to shuffle from under him when he pulled you down tight against him he just tilted his head raising and eyebrow. The warning was clear behave. He rubbed against your mound sliding his cock along the seam pf your pussy. You closed your eyes tight already feeling the arousal build inside of you dreading what was to come, you couldnt help how your body reacted you tried to just let him get on with it but each morning he managed to coax you into participating a little more, not letting you distance yourself any longer. He grunted low i his throat as he pumped himself against you resting his weight on his hips one hand cuped the top of his cock squeezing it against you as he pushed it against your clit. You gasped as you felt his throbbing cock against you pulling high pitched moans and whines as you bit your lip trying to keep quiet. He chuckled

"Oh fuck... thats it baby girl ...come on let daddy hear you." You shook your head back and forth as your pussy weeped onto him soaking both of you you found your self panting hard when he groaned grabbing one of your hands replacing his over his cock you tried pulling away and he growled at you.

"Stay still baby.... fuck thats it good girl.. your so good for daddy" he groaed deep as he sped up before leaving wet open mouthed kisses on your collar bone then kissed up to your lips trying to pry your mouth open you turned your head away. He sighed moving his hand into the boxers that you wore finding your swollen clit flicking and pinching harshly causing you to buck and cry out, he quickly took the opportunity to invade your mouth tasting your tongue sucking you into a passionate kiss he let go of your hand placing his hand pressing your knee up to your torso spreading you out for him rubbing his cock faster with jerky thrusts skimming your opening with every movement you gripped the sheets twisting them as you felt your walls trying to clench onto him desperate for him to fill you you rocked back against him looseing yourself in him as he smothered you he released your mouth biting down on your neck leaving a mark alongside yesterdays. You became hot, to hot as you flushed under him chasing your own end grinding up against him

"Oh! oh god please! Please i cant" you babbled incoherently as he repositioned his hand thumbing your clit and thrusting into you harshly with his fingers bouncing your body across the bed you let out a load moan as his hand worked furiously rubbing amd curling his finding your soft spot befor zeroing in and running his fingers harshly across it you cired bucking out at him unsure of you wanted hi to go faster or get off your climax built and he chuckled as your clamped down on his fingers to the point of pain

"Aww baby you want to cum dont you? Thats it good girl so good is it to much?" he didnt relent still masaging that spot you nodded and cried tears falling down your face you couldnt breath it was to much

"Then cum, its ok you can cum, cum for daddy ,all over daddies fingers" you hated how his wods pushed you over the edge and even then he didnt stop he seemed to double his efforts when you arched violently with a silent scream gushing over his fingers he continued moving draggin out your orgasm he moved higher running the underside of his cock across your mound with stuttering hips.

"Oh..OH shit YES YES fuck! OH GOD Little one fuck" he let out a long gruntle moan as he finished spraying cum up your front you both laid there panting. Shame washed over you like it had done every morning he did this. You felt dirty and used he rolled on his side tucking you in his arms kissing your head praising you for how good you were and telling you how much he loved you as you curled ijto him wetting his tinto him overwhelmed. After a few moments the saddness past and you laid stock still against him as he pulled you to lie across him head on his chest stroking your hair once again.

"Iv got to go out today pet. I trust youll be good whne im gone and if your lucky I'll get you a treat" you froze at his words gojng out... that meant youd be alone the thlught filled you with dread and anticipation.

"If your naughty you will regret it when i get back."you both laid there for what felt like hours he wouldnt let you move. Tho he finally let out a breath and ushered you to the bath room showering with you. After getting dressed and having breakfast he left and you noticed he didnt put you any where. You dread to think what he was doing. But you were left the run of the house. So here you sat in the kitchen alone in the huge house apart from the security he kept on site. 'This was it.. or was it a test?..' you raced to the living room window and watched an expensive car leave the gates at the bottom of the drive as it dissapeared behinde the wall that clossed off the property. You debated in your head if he was just waiting to see if you were going to try and run or not. You had to try, somthing was happening to you here ,you didnt like how complacent you were getting with him. It was cruel really the only person that was aloud to interact with you was him, you find yourself almost craving him, you enjoyed his praise lapping it up liike a love sick school girl.

Deciding that this may be the last time you could escape before it was to late you walked into the kitchen slowly as not to alert anyone to your plan even tho your heart was racing ten to the dozen. Quickly and quietly you pulled a small packet of plasters from one of the draws. Throught out your stay you learnt a few things all the doors leading outside and your 'play room' had pressure alarms built in you'd set one off on your forth day trying to get out into the garden resulting in another painfull and very embarassing spanking in the kitchen then experienced your first corner time, the other thing you learnt were all the guards had shifts and patrol routes the house ran like clockwork youd freighed interest in him and he'd waffled on about how it wasnt all bad and he'd take you out when you'd acclimated to your new life then boasted about the cars he had in the basment garage but you'd 'never get to drive one as driving these fast cars is to dangerous for his baby girl'. Tho you hadnt made a thing of it you kept the information locked away youd been behaving hopeing he would let down his gaurd. Once you got the plasters you put them in the pocket of your cardigan and grabbed a butter knife hooking it in the back of your jeans wedging it just under the tight waist band.

"What are you still doing in here? Get to the playroom" you screamed in suprize as the voice came out of no where you spun round faceing the man and nodded walking past him quickly.

"Wait. What have you been doing in here?" He said grabbing your arm pulling you to a stop you huffed tugging your arm.

"Let go i havent done anything" you twisted around as he patted you down you froze mouth going dry as you thought he was going to find the knife in your jeans he didnt instead his hands found the packet of plasters the cocked an eyebrow

"Im doing some crafts today these are incase i get a paper cut...im clumsy and tthought i should take a pack the keep in there just incase" he eyed you for a few seconds befor smirking at you

"So the princess was sneaking about for some plasters, im suprised you werent trying to sneak candy, would be more fitting for his baby girl." He laughed as you glared at him venomously

"Fuck you ,you cunt" you spat in his face he growled before grabbing your arm in a bruising grip dragging you out of the kitchen down the hall as you screamed at him, a few others poked their heads around to watch asking what was wrong as you were dragged down the hall once outside your day room he stopped pressing a card to the reader next to the handle disarming the door and answered their qeustioning stares.

"Nothing just a temper tantrum im sure she will regret later when Boss finds out." He turned back to you.

"He might even make a show of it, i wouldnt mind seeing her bent over" you growled as he opend the door throwing you in , grunting as you landed hard on the floor he whistled for kal and let the dog enter behind you befor shutting the door arming the device again. Shaking away tears in your eyes as you heard then others laugh about how theyd love to see 'a piece of that ass' kal sat beside you nudging you for a cuddle you hugged him breathing deep nuzzling his thick fur, he was the only company you enjoyed here after snuggling with him a few minuets you pulled away putting your plan into action you got out suome supplies fro the art cupborads scattering them hear and there to make it look like you had been drawing, hopefully if anyone came in and found you missing they would assume that you had asked one of the others to let you use the bathroom as the ensuite to this room wasnt finished. You aproached the door pulling out the knife and lowered it to the door handle, the worst thing about this system was that you werent technically locked in, the door opend but set off an alarm that was indicated by a small red flashing light on the card reading panel. Breathing deep you pulled out a plaster removing the tabs on it sticking oneside to your finger. Gentle you pulled down on the handle until you couldnt anymore easing the knife alongside the door pushing on the plate you pivoted your body opeing the door enough to get your hand in the gap and stuck the plaster over the bottom of the pressure plate securing it down. Holding your breath you waited a few moments before summerizing that it had worked when noone came rushing down the hall you quickly slipped thrpugh the door catching kal befor he could make his way out and shut the door fully. You blinked then jumped for joy you could bearly see the edge of plaster on the frame. Quickly you jogged to the end of the hall ducking low realising that not having shoes might be a god send as you were almost silent as you moved you got another plaster ready on your hand as you ducked and dived behind the counters in the kitchen making your way around to the door Henry had left through.'it must have been to the garage' you though you made quick work of the door not waiting to see if the alarm had set off as you heard foot steps coming your way you slipped through the door closing it behinde you and ran down the stairs into a large garage on the left there was lots of hooks with keys on them you toke shaky breaths scanning them befor looking over the cars there must have been about eleven in total ranging from massive range rovers to calssy two seater sports cars. 'I need on that can blend in, a hatch back or somthing, maybe a saloon' you thought running down the line of cars the most normal looking one was a Jag you quickly ran to the keys looking for a set with the same logo as the car finding two you grabbed them both pushing unlock on one set seing another car across light up you threw them on the floor using the other one to unlock the car getting in quickly you felt your tummy tie itself in knots turning on the ignition and pulled the seat forward you put on your seatbelt out of habbit then dojng a small cheer when you saw it was an automatic you put it in drive wincing as it growled to life louder then it needed to be you pulled it up to the garage door and it opend you pulled it forward going up the bank once at the top you saw a gaurd stopping staring befor shouting out to the others.

"Dont let the gate open!!" You panicked and floored it the car took off down the drive skidding you a stop near the gate the instantly began rolling open. On gaurd was sprinting down the drive behinde you. You looked down for a button to look the doors finding it by the window controls you flicked it on and heard the click at all four doors locked lokking up you saw the gate had stopped half way you spun the wheel throwing the scar around squeezing the car throuh the gate clipping the wing mirror off in the process putting your foot down you gave a triumphant shout as you tore down the road away from that house. Leaning back into the seat relaxing as you made yourway towards the town, it was the only way to get to the motorway that would lead out of the area. You wiped tears from your eyes as as relief flooded you sobs wracked your body the drive to the town took longer than you thought it would and you were suspicious as no one had chased you from the house and had spent the whole drive flinching at every car that pulled up behind you. Pulling up to a round about you stopped recognising the area deciding to take a less busy route pulling off to the outskirts of town you parked up into a superstore looking threw the car for money finding a few £20 notes a tap at the window you screamed turning it was a police officer you gulped looking in the rearveiw mirror seeing a squad car pulled up behind you blocking you in, he indicated for you to roll down the window.

"Yes can i help you?" You asked trying to sound normal

"Miss did you realise your missing a wing mirror?" You followed his gaze and smiled meekly. Getting a bad feeling in your gut.

"Yes, its my boyfreids car i borrowed it and hit a sign back there im going to book it in now hopefully get it done and he wont find out i hurt his baby" you ended with a chuckle patting the steering wheel he didn't look convinced and motioned for his colleague to join him

"Uh huh, so are you insured to drive this car? Sure you didnt hit another car?" You shook your head

" Well i hope im insured he said hed made me a name driver and no i didnt hit anyone, the car caught me by suprize i hadnt realised how much oommf it had and still getting used to the size its a bit wider then mine." You explained hoping you were convincing enough he smiled the held out his hand to you.

"Can i see your licence?" You froze then pretended to look around the car for it

"Oh shit i dont have my bag on me sorry can i give you my name instead and you can look it up on the system?" You pleaded hoping that he would let this one go

"So you dont have your purse on you? When your taking his car to the garage to get it fixed?.... yeah im gonna have to ask you to step out of the car now." He said moving back from the door you looked behind you panicking there was no way to pull out.

"Wh-what? Why?" You cried out as he put his hand in the car opeing the door

"No! No you cant do this you dont understand please!" You shouted at him as he undid your seatbelt pulling you out of the car cuffing your hands behind your back reading you your rights.

"Your under arrest for car theft,careless driving and driving with out insurance , you have the right to remain silent anything you do say can harm your defence and used in court ,Call it in we found Mr cavills car" you froze, hed called in that his car had been stolen. He used the police to track you. You wailed twisting against him as you realised why no one had chased you, he was using the police to bring you back to him.you cried as he dragged you to the squad car.

"NO! You dont understand he kidnapped me! Please you have to let me go! He's mad he locked me up please you have to help me." You kicked out as he forced you into the back seat on the car slamming the door you sobbed in the back seat as they locked up the jag and got in the front of the car.

"Please do make me go back i dont know what he'll do" you cried pitifully they sighed looking at you threw the plexiglass.

"Im sorry love there's nothing we can do for you... i wish there was but its our asses on the line" then he started the car driving towards the station. It wasnt long befor you found yourself in a cell heavy metal door between you and your escape laying on the bed crying and terrified of whats to come. Panicking everytime you heard foot steps down the hall thinking it was him. It was over an hour later when you jumped as the heavy lock on your door opened with a loud bang revealing a calm looking Henry standing beside a sympathetic looking officer he shooed them away.

"Give us a minute" he didnt take his eyes off you as he stepped into the room seemed to take over the small space you shuddered backing away from him sending a pleading look to the officer who ingored you and left.

"Well pet have you got that out of your system now?" He said crossing the cell in large strides his suit jacket hung over one arm that was in his pocket. You shook your head crying

"Pl-please im sorry i-i had to" you flinched as he brought his hand to your face. Smoothing back your hair

"Sshhh shh its ok now everything is going to be fine" he calmed you pulling his outher hand up wiping your tears away before for twisting his fist in your hair you yelped clawing at his hand trying to relieve the pain in your scalp.

"You've been a very very naughty girl havent you?" He tugged your hair back forcing you to look at him still wiping your face with his other. It summed him up caring and kind yet brutal and cruel. He grinned a sadistic grin

"I should let you know that im not pressing charges, what kind of boyfreind would i be if i did?" He teased you letting you know he was told your cover story you cried in pain as he dragged you the few steps towards him forcing you onto your tip toes

"STOP! Please Henry your hurting me!" He tutted at you looking at his watch

"Three hours away from the house and were back to Henry? What happened to Daddy? Well it doesnt matter i hope now you realise that there is no escape. You cannot run or hide from me love i have eyes everywhere." He lowerd you back down releasing your hair clutching you to his chest trapping you in a strong grip as you sobbed shaking like a leaf more out of anxiety then anything else.

"Shh shh. its ok little one... i know its been a scary day getting out , nearly crashing into the gate and then being arrested? its all going to be ok, now that you've got this out of your system you can finally settle at home. Ihave been waiting for this little blow up from you i was beginning to think the gun fiasco was it" His words filled you with dread as you began to sink in this was it for you, that there was no way out, he would find you at some point. Rocking you backwards and forwards with your arms trapped at your side he tucked his nose into your hair kissing it every so often.

"Tho this is probably my fault it was enavitable for you to try and run again, i havent trained you properly yet, not givin you the attention you truly need, but dont worry we will start once we get home. I want you to know daddies not angry, no no he's just dissapointed" he pulled back draping his jacket over your shoulders.

"I hope you know that your still in serious trouble when we get home young lady i warned you this morning that youd regret playing up" he murmmerd into your ear as he walked you out of the cell down to the reception he didnt hold you because he didnt need to there was nowhere you could go.

"Mr cavill would you sign these ,I assume your not pressing charges?" Henry looked up winking at you

"No no my girlfriend couldnt help herself, she's like a child in that respect no self restraint. Never thinks of her consequences" You shuddered catching the his unspoken threat looking down as tears of humiliation the officer chuckled as Henry said this sighing his name

"Well she does look distraught, dont be to hard on the little thing I'd jump at the chance to drive one of those myself."

Henry laughed out loud drawing some attention from the others in the waiting room

"Oh dont you worry about her, she'll find a way to make it up to me somehow wont you babygirl" he said winding an arm around your waist pulling you against him squeezing his hand painfully tight. You looked down nodding hearing a few snickers and scoffs from women in seats behind you.

"Now apologize to the officer for wasting his time baby." You scowled up at him being met with a shit eating grin opening your mouth to tell him to fuck off thankfully you were interupted.

"Oh now thats not nessasary saving a tiny thing like her from herself isn't wasting time ..I'm glad I could help" Henry smiled at you kissing your cheek feeling please with himself.

"Now isnt that nice sweety. He's happy to help us" you gave a jerky nod as Henry finished the paperwork.

"I will have someone collect the car today" he called over his shoulder as he forced you along side him stopping before he got out of the door.

"Oh baby Wheres your shoes?" He asked smirking at you knowing damn well that he hasnt got you any, you felt the eyes of the other people on you as he shook his head picking you up cradling you recieveing a few awws and judgmental stares from the women. Unable to take it anymore you tucked your face into his neck crying.

"Im sorry please im so sorry i wont do anything like this again". He sighed pushing throught the doors and made his way to the car park climbing into the back or a range rover holding you in his lap as the car began moving.

"Its a little to late for sorry baby, daddy has to punish you for being an extremly naughty little girl. Stealing and damaging daddies car running away and getting arrested lying to the police? What kind of daddy would let you get away with all that?" You shuddered mind wandering what he had instore for you, not just for punishment but the training he mentioned in the cell you squirmed in his lap as you mulled it all over feeling sick to your stomach.

[oh-theatre]

Objection!: Chapter 28

Chapter title: Two Unlikely Loves

A/n: Im sorry chapters have been shorter and they've been so bad im so so sorry im trying and im messing up and im just trying and im sorry for the awfulness that is this chapter. anyway here you go

First | Previous | Next

words: 2031

summary: Tensions run high as the courthouse is under siege

pairings: Eventual logicality, prinxiety, platonic demus, romantic remile

warnings: Murder mention, child murder, Law and Courtroom, swearing, blood, hospital, crime scene,  murder, gun mention, guns, swearing, abuse, graphic descriptions, alcohol, shooting, crying

Ao3 Link  

They all rushed in, practically tripping over one another.

“Patton!” They cry, all in different tones of utter concern. Not Logan however, he bides his time, avoiding eye contact as everyone gives their hearty hellos and tearful reliefs. “Why don't we give them some time?” He hears Barbara whisper, the group nods and somehow he's left alone in the awkward silence of an unusually quiet Patton. Realizing he hadn't said a word to anyone who had come in. 

“Lo” he begins, Logan hears his voice finally and he understands what he feels. Anger, he wishes not to speak to Patton. Not now, not ever. “Logan” Patton tries again, the man can hear the softest break in his sweet tone. What was he thinking? How dare he ignore Patton. 

He coughs, breaking his own silence but that's it. He will not make the first move, he should have been trusted. Why didn't he..”trust me?” He hadnt meant to let the words fall, he hadn't given them such permission. 

“Oh starlight”

Damn Patton was good, he almost took to look at him. He continues to stare around the room, it felt bland, unlike his gorgeous eyes who he could find himself lost in. He listens, the shifting and sudden grunts of struggle catches him off guard. He turns, finding Patton's feet trembling as he clutches desperately to his IV line as he barely steps forward. Logan can see the pain and he finds himself completely in motion.

“Patton” He chides, rushing over he takes the shaking arms, situating the stubborn lawyer back on the edge of the bed. Kneeling in front of him with a deep breath of relief. “Do you enjoy bringing pain” Logan jokes, but finds no ease in Patton's face. The tears swell and he shakes his sorry head. “Oh sunshine” He sighs

“I'm so sorry” Patton laments, Logan, though slight, shakes his apology away. He leans up, taking the man's cheek, kissing him softly as they melt into one. God how he missed him. Patton deepend said kiss, not that either mind one bit. 

“If you ever..” Logan begins, gasping for short breaths, his blush quite noticeable “Do that again..” Patton nods, understanding instantly. 

“Not planning too...at least not this year” He shrugs, Logan nudges him, squeezing his leg sweetly. “C’mere” He gestures, they connect once more, it's soft and feels light in this heavy world. Once away, they allow their fingers to fiddle together, the puzzle just fits. It was their puzzle, years to find all the corner pieces but now it was their turn to fill in the middle. A quick gasp escapes Patton, he pushes gently on Logan. “The twins!” He exclaims, was it some kind of sense?

“Papa!” They cry in unison, rushing into the room barreling through Logan. Both decide to speak the fastest they can muster, speeding through their weeks and adventures. Patton listens intently, his eyes hazing to a prideful Logan. He wasn't sure what came over him but the overwhelming feeling of simply breaking down was noticeable. Not to the twins, nor Emile….but Logan saw it instantly. 

“Hey, why don't you both venture to the shops with Emile and pick out a nice gift for your father” Logan suggests, Patton trembles as he waves them a careful goodbye not sure how much longer he can hold up. Once the door shuts Logan works quick as Patton shatters. Seeing the twins was the breaking point, his head pounds. Logan helps the quiet man and his tears back into bed, once settled he cuddles Patton, a comforting rub to his harms and Patton clutches hard. Logan can feel the wet soak him but he doesn't care, nothing but Patton concerns him.  

“I'm so sorry” He sniffles, barely audible through his almost fearful sobs. As if any louder and he could get in serious trouble...Logan's heart sunk. He pushes the image of Liam out of his mind kissing Patton's forehead. This was their room, area and moment. Nobody dare touch the ever fragile bubble. Ready to collapse, become delicate glass to fall.  It takes awhile but the exhaustion sets in and Patton falls into it, releasing Logan before he does, giving him the freedom not to bear him down. Logan sighs sitting up, he checks the clock realizing he himself may have dozed off as well. The best sleep he had gotten in a month, though guilty he was so thankful for Patton being here, awake. 

“Mm” He rubs his eyes, the bags becoming prominent under them. He doesn't flinch feeling Patton wrap his arms around Logan, laying his head on the lawyer's shoulder. A sweet kiss to his neck, a tingle he had missed sent down his back. 

“You're exhausted” Patton identifies, connecting their hands. Logan scoffs, a smile with a tinge of truth however. “I'm here, you can rest Lo” Patton promises, soothing comfort down Logan's arm and cheek. Logan bites down, clenching his jaw so tight it begins to pulse. He avoids anything that will reflect his delicate state. Logan takes Patton's hand, kissing it but he isn't there. His mind floods with schedules and routines, meals and things he must do, children cries and joy.

And he loves it. 

Yes he's drained, but all he can think of is the conversation he had with Patton eons ago. Thats how he felt, these children could take everything from him. Sleep, food, anything and hed smile with delight.  

“I'd like to move in” Logan proposes, Patton chuckles into his shoulder. A tired smile accompanied with a nod. Logan takes this as his moment to convince, quickly preparing an argument but Patton has his own idea.

“And here I thought you already had” Patton laments, Logan yawns but hes amused. Something about the way he felt with Patton allowed him to enjoy it. Allowed him to just relax, always helps that Patton had taken to massaging Logan without a prompt. But out the window there he was, he knew Patton felt it, his shoulders tightened. “Dearest?” Patton hums, kissing him gently. 

“We need to talk about Virgil” 

~~~

“I want to see my little boy” Patton sings, Remy chuckles as Emile brings Thomas forth. Cradling the baby in Patton's arms.

“Here he comes” Emile teases, Patton giggles, joined by the baby soon enough. 

“Oh my here he does, look at this angel” Patton coos, tickling ever so carefully his stomach, the both allowing themselves a moment with each other. The sweetness the child radiates is almost too much for Patton's weak heart.  Soon enough everyone cycled in for their reunion. Logan stood protective by Patton the entire time, a hand on his shoulder and love infecting him. Patton was grateful. 

The twins were impatient and they had every right to be, spending almost three hours with their father and Logan simply chatting away. Patton loved it,he loved cuddling Valerie while Remus explained his journeys, he loved Remus fiddling with his hair as Valerie recounted their days with Logan. And most of all he loved Logan. He loved that he got to share this with someone, someone who cared someone who he loved and who loved him back. 

Soon enough the room darkened and Roman, after a copious check up and a thorough conversation volunteered to take them home for some rest. 

“You are truly my hero” Patton teases, knowing that title was held by only one person. One person who was currently making sure the children were bundled up before they said their goodbyes. Roman gave him one last squeeze before leading them out followed by James who waves the door closed. 

“You look exhausted” Logan notices, fluffing up Patton's pillow, making sure the lawyer remains cozy and comfortable. Patton takes his cheeks as he leans in and plants a quick kiss on him. He pulls away, getting prepared to take his sleep, Logan smiles timidly planting a kiss on his head before finally releasing his overbearing care. Not that Patton minds. Logan sets up in the chair next to him, turning the night light on and flipping quietly through a book. 

It remains peaceful and still for awhile, Logan almost dozes off with his blanket sprawled around him. But as the clock strikes eleven thirty, the door slides open. And of course panic sets in, why were the doctors here and so late at night? But when the gruff boots and purple jacket reflected on the light, Logans panic set in even more.

“Virgil” Logan identifies in a whisper, the detective meets his eyes. The bags are prominent. But his boiling hatred was fiery. “He's sleeping” Logan scolds, folding up his blanket and putting the book on the shelf. “Where were you all day?” Logan goes, quickly back tracking. “Actually no, I don't care” 

“Lo be nice” Patton mumbles through his pillow, the pair jump and Logan joins his side quickly. He wipes his eyes sitting up, allowing Logan to serve him water, taking it gratefully. Virgil wants to come forward, his head pulsed as his eyes laid on Patton. He missed him so much, but Logans glare stopped him. “Thank you starlight” Patton put his glass back, and Virgil adored the casualness of their physical connection, the nicknames and the fact that Logans and Pattons hands were connected. But he hated that he couldn't enjoy this right now. “Heya Virge” Patton swallows, something forced down. 

“Pat..” Virgil breathes, he wants to gush but something holds him back. Patton bit his lower lip, he extended his arms, motioning for Virgil to come forth. The breath that escaped Virgil lifted the pressure from his chest. 

“Patton no” Logan reminds, he doesn't mean to be controlling but he cares for Patton more than he can describe.

“Logan come on” Virgil sighs. Patton clutches his blankets knowing hes only doing this out of confrontation and his fear of such. But with what Logan told him...shouldn't he be mad?

He was

He was painfully hurt

“What did you tell him?” Virgil points as Patton refocuses. 

“The honest truth and what I found Patton should know” Logan explains. Patton takes his hand, feeling the sweat build. Logan takes the signal and finds himself breathing with relaxation. “You took the money, you and Remy took the money” He lays out flat. “When Patton came to you about Liam you should have done something” Logan spits “Instead, like everyone else in that goddamn precinct you took Liams vile money and kept your mouth shut” Logan reveals, Virgil averts  his guilty eyes. Patton twinges, clasping tighter to Logan. 

“Patton let me just..I…” Virgil feels something clamp tight in his throat. He has an explanation but nothing worth Patton's forgiveness. “You said you h-had a plan and you were gonna leave i thought, its just a little longer and Damian and I-”

“Virgil are you fucking kidding?” Logans voice remains quiet but it seethes, Patton struggles but sits up pulling Logan closer to him. 

“Dearest, language” He whispers sweetly, wiping the sweat away from Logans hot head. “Its ok, I'm okay and you're okay and the twins and Damian and virge...everyones ok” Patton rambles, Logan softens at the soft breaths he takes. Idiot, he punishes. Patton was tired, he was shaking ever so slightly. 

“Im so sorry Pat, I should go” And he does, Virgil gives him one more apologetic look before slamming the door away. Patton releases an exasperated breath before falling back into his pillow. How many times was he going to cry today?

“Love?” Logan sits with him, Patton cant conjure up words he simply shakes his head, the tears flow. Logan adjusts so he cradles Patton, a gentle lullaby his hummed to him as he remembers every time a touch had never felt so loving, and filled with pain instead. “I love you so very much” He promises, he was so glad Patton took that from him. 

I dont think Id want to give that to anyone else

Soon enough, the pair was comfortably asleep, both with dreams...or nightmares of their own. But together, and surely they wouldn't let the other be hurt, not again, not ever again.   

[doyouevenshipbr0]

gruvia dabble

author's note: bruh. yall knew i had to write SOMETHING!!! these last couple weeks have been CRAZY for us gruvia lovers ughhh im so happy!!! and ok im probably eventually going to write what i think will happen in the upcoming chapters before they come out, but i usually don't like to write fics based on like what i think will happen in the next chap. cus then when my fic is just completely disproven by the following chapter im kinda like "eh thats kind of a waste." u know what im saying?? ik theyre called "fan fiction" for a reason but idk. i like to write things that could actually be in the realm of possibilities for the canon. ok does that make any sense??? ok well this fic is heavily inspired by our beautiful chapter 26. also it is soooo like 192727 other drabbles ive already written hehe. also this literally doesnt rly make sense tbh. i just wanted gray telling juvia his thought process like he did w juvina. so. enjoy❤️❤️❤️

*

"Gray-sama would you like to-" Juvia eagerly approached her dear Gray. Since the guild was finally up and running again after the Alvarez war, she couldn't wait to spend actual quality time with Gray. They hadn't really gotten to since they were so busy with the construction of the guild.

"Nope. Goin' on a job." Gray casually walked passed Juvia with his hands in his pockets.

"Eh?!" Juvia snapped her head around and watched Gray leave. "So soon?! Can Juvia at least come with?!" She called out as he continued to walk.

"Nope. Talk to ya' later." Gray didn't turn around. He just stuck a hand up and waved, still heading straight out the door.

Juvia was taken aback for a moment, but she understood. As much as she loved to shower Gray with affection, she knew he was a lone wolf at heart. And with constantly being surrounded by his guildmates as they all fought for who would get to use the hammer next, he was certainly drained.

Juvia nodded with determination. "It's alright. Next time." She said with certainty in her head.

However, over the next three weeks of Gray taking mission after mission and constantly dismissing Juvia, she was frustrated to say the least. She watched him walk out that door with hardly acknowledging her for the last time.

Without even thinking, her feet began to strut their way to catch up with Gray. She picked up her pace and finally caught up with him before he could leave the grounds of the guild.

"Gray-sama." Juvia called, and Gray paused. She used the time to catch up with him, and there they stood in the courtyard.

"What's up?" He simply asked.

"Juvia was just-- well--" She began to get nervous. She cheeks reddened as imagery of she and her beloved Gray danced through her head. She shyly put her hands behind her bag and wiggled her foot a bit. "Juvia was hoping to spend some time with Gray-sama, now that everything's finally calmed down."

"Yeah. We can later." Gray turned right back around and began walking again.

"Wait!" Juvia reached out and grabbed his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. She let go after a brief pause and Gray looking back at her with his piercing eyes.

"It's just-" She looked away, her eyes saddened. "Juvia's been trying to talk to Gray-sama for about three weeks now, and you've done nothing but ignore me." She pouted a bit. "Just when will later be?" She finished.

Gray sighed. "I dunno'"

"You don't know?!"

"Yeah. I don't know when later will be." His voice was firm.

Juvia was startled at the harshness of his voice and sheepishly caved in a bit. "Has-" Juvia stammered, clearly nervouse. "Has Juvia done something?"

"Huh?" Gray rasied a brow.

"Has Juvia done something to make Gray-sama mad at her?" Her eyes were suddenly glossy with tears, and Gray's eyes reacted by opening up.

"N-no! Not at all! You said it yourself, we haven't hung out in weeks. How could I be mad at you?" Gray was guilty for his tone.

"But why haven't you spent time with me in weeks Gray-sama?" Juvia pried, almost begging. "There's got to be a reason."

Gray's face regained composure. He remembered his purpose. He looked away. "I'm busy."

"Busy with what?"

"Busy with work."

"Well, you don't have to be so busy. And if you need to work so badly, you can always bring Juvia with you on-" Her voice regained its spunk as she began to form a new idea, only to have Gray shoot it down.

"No." He was harsh again.

"No?" Juvia's voice quivered.

"This doesn't have anything to do with you." Gray still looked away.

Juvia's heart sunk. "Oh." Tears began to well up again. "Well." She was looking for the right words to say, but she was at a loss. "Juvia will just mind her own business then." Just as she turned away to sulk back to the guild, Gray caught a glimpse of the tear that rolled down her cheek.

"Wait!" This time, Gray was the one reaching for Juvia's wrist. "I'm sorry." His voice was smoother.

"N-no..." Juvia's voice was timid. "Juvia is the one who is sorry for-"

"Stop it. You don't need to apologize." Gray loosened the grip on her wrist, but pulled her back a couple steps.

"I was lying." Gray said as Juvia finally faced him again, tears glassing over her eyes. "This does have to do with you." He blushed.

"Then why can't Juvia come with-"

"Because, that's not why it has to do with you." As Juvia cocked her head to side, clearly confused, Gray realized that what he was saying sounded silly.

"Gah!" Gray called out and hit himself with his palm, feeling frustrated for bot understanding how to form the thoughts in his head into words. "Do you wanna' sit somewhere?" He finally asked.

Juvia was still confused, but of course nodded in agreement.

The two found a nearby bench that was sitting right in front of a big, clear lake. The sunset reflected on the water, and created an image almost as beautiful as the water itself. They looked at in admiration for a moment, and Juvia turned back to Gray.

"So how does this involve Juvia?" She finally asked.

"I-- I--" Gray remained looking at the lake and ruffled his hair. "I gotta' keep going on missions."

"But why?" Juvia asked, sweetly.

"I... have to get stronger." Gray grumbled as he leaned forward.

"Stronger?" Juvia chuckled. "That's silly! Gray-sama is already the strongest man in the whole world! There is no one thay can compare to you, dear! Why would you think a few missions could improve that?" Juvia swooned.

"If I was the strongest man in the world you wouldn't have that scar." Gray finally said something clearly. Juvia choked on her breath.

"Eh?" She said, softly. "Juvia gave this scar to herself."

"And it was to save me." He seemed like he was growing angrier.

"Yes, but-"

"If I was strong enough, I would've been able to break his chains before that happened. I would've been able to stop it and save you." The composure in his voice was clearly wavering.

"Gray-sama..." Juvia reached an arm and placed it on Gray's back.

"I'm sorry Juvia." His voice shook, and he still did not look at her. "I know I promised you an answer, and at the time i meant it. I still do. It's just-"

Horrible images flashed in Gray's mind, making his skin crawl. "After Invel, and almost losing you, not begin able to protect you... it--it killed me." Gray gritted his teeth, almost like he was biting back tears.

"Darling... You know Juvia is just fine protecting herself." She reasoned.

"Yeah, but you don't understand." He spat.

"Juvia is trying to understand."

"I need more confidence in myself. I need it. I need to know I can protect you when the time comes. And I need to know with 100% certainty." He finally looked at her, and Juvia swore she could see tears trying to break loose from his eyes. "I thought I knew back then, but I was wrong. Just like I was with Ur, Ultear, my dad, and anyone that I've ever loved, but wanted to protect. Just when I thought I could, it was too late. I thought it was too late with you, but it wasn't. This is my second chance, Juvia. I need to know for certain that I'll be enough."

Juvia scooted a bit closer. "Gray-sama, there is always going to be something out there that will pose a threat to you or me. It's inevitable. All that matters is that we do everything in our power to protect one another. As long as we try, our love will always prevail. You were more than enough for me from the moment we met, and Juvia would think you would see that by now."

"I know how you feel about me, and I know how I feel about you. I just need to make sure I'm the best version of myself for you. Please, understand. I have to do this." His eyes were beckoning for her.

"Gray-sama, Juvia just-" She paused when she saw the desperation in his eyes. "When will it finally be enough? When will you know you're strong enough?"

"I've decided I'm going to take the 100 Years Quest. After that, I'll be ready. I'm certain of it." Determination was plastered in his face once again.

"This is so unnecessary." Juvia sighed. "But if this is what Gray-sama must do, Juvia will wait. Juvia understands that you must do this for yourself, but I just wish Gray-sama can see that he is already more than enough for me." She put her hand atop of his and gave him a reassuring grin.

"Thank you." Gray smiled back and gave her hand a little squeeze. "I know I'll be ready soon, and once I am, I'm gonna' go after you." Gray gave a smirk, Juvia's face became flushed with his sudden forwardness.

The two shared a heartfelt gaze, as they looked in each other's eyes and finally understood one another. They gave calming smiles, finished by another hand squeeze from Gray.

"No matter what."

[kl4us4]

INSTANCES WHERE BELLAMY BLAKE WAS A NUISANCE (Bellamy Blake x Reader)

Request: Could I request a Bellamy Blake imagine with the lines, “Don’t you do it Y/N. Don’t you dare fall in love with me.”

masterlist

Okay, here’s the thing: You‘ve never thought someone was beautiful until you met Bellamy Blake. For a long time you - and all your friends - assumed you just weren’t interested in being with someone. Then, he happened. You had always heard stories about Bellamy being mutual friends but fate and the universe never let you come face to face with the unknown boy. All you knew about the boy was that he was daring, adventurous, and courageous; yet extraordinarily kind and caring. Then, you came to Earth.

INSTANCE NO. 1

“Someone’s about to open the doors.” Clarke clenches her jaw, eyes darting towards the front of the Dropship as she speeds to the door. You follow hot on her tail, your eyes just as wide as hers. “Stop!” She shouts, her tone frantic and chilling, “The air could kill us all.”

“If the airs toxic then we’re dead anyways.” The deep voice that replies to your friend almost makes you frown. He sounds kinda rude. Shifting beside Clarke, you furrow your eyebrows and are about to put your two cents in but then he looks at you.

It feels like a kind of pause, like a kind of recognition but not quite. At least not on your part. “Anything to add on, sweetheart?” He chastises you, his hand on the ship's entrance.

“I have a name.” You mutter, unable to drop your gaze from him. The freckled boy just smirks. His eyes remain on you as he opens the dropship door, and the place is flooded with fresh air and light. Pandemonium ensues as people rush out like a nest of crazed ants. You, being weak and distracted, get pushed around easily and almost no one seems to care.

“Woah, Woah, Woah,” You feel two hands on your shoulders pull you back slightly, away from the bustling crowd of teenagers who are finally free from their cage. “You should learn to be a little more careful.”

Facing the man behind you, you see the familiar face that enticed you not two seconds ago. “Thanks.” You mumble.

“It’s fine.” He replies, “Y/N.”

“You know me?” You wonder, eyebrows furrowed as you wait for his answer.

He hums, “I know of you. I’m Bellamy Blake.” He introduces himself, giving you a small smile.

You smile up at him, practically knowing him already. “Funnily enough, I know of you too.”

“I hope you’ve heard good things.”

“50/50.” You hum back, gesturing with your hand. He’s taller than you, and it makes your stomach turn when you look up to see him gently smiling down at you. “I’ve been wanting to put a face to the name for a while now.” You admit.

“Well?” He responds with a small smirk, “Do I live up to your standards?”

Your raise your eyebrows, almost letting out a laugh, “Nah,” you joke, “you’re shorter than I expected.”

He nods for a second, pursing his lips comically, “And you’re feistier then I expected.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“No, not at all.” He shakes his head, looking you up and down and nearly making your chest explode, “I only let strong women ruin my life.” His smirk seems infectious, and for some reason, it feels like the dropship keeps getting smaller and smaller. After all this time keeping you two apart it’s as though even fate and the universe can’t pull you two away now. There’s just this intense and magnetic force pushing you two together like compensation for such a long time as strangers.

“God, do you have to do this to all my friends?” Octavia announces, breaking you away from her brother. Bellamy just stares at you, letting out a sigh as he realised your attention on him has been interrupted.

You’re slightly angered at yourself. ‘All my friends’? Did you just nearly fall for a player? Oops.

“Only the pretty ones.” He sighs, looking towards the ground awkwardly.

“Well, have fun letting them ruin your life.” You smile back, bouncing away from him and towards Octavia who had come looking for you. You pass her and head outside so you don’t notice the annoyed look she gives her brother, who just gives her an exaggerated shrug. Bellamy leans against the wall, sighing at the loss of heat now that you’re not beside him.

INSTANCE NO. 2

You sit beside the wall, book in hand as the world passes by around you. Your muscles ache from working and you’re so tired you may just fall asleep right here and now. But your book keeps you up. You’ve read it maybe 40 times since you were 10 years old and you’re about to make it 41 until-

“Whatcha got there?”

“You’ve never seen a book?”

“I’ve never seen that book.”

“And you’re never going to. Run along.”

“Oh,” Bellamy breathes, inching closer to you, “But I’ve been such a good boy today, Y/N.” He banters... at least you think it’s banter.

“Unfortunately, I’ve run out of gold stars to hand out.” You muse, shaking your head as you set your book down in your lap.

Leaning his arms against your knees, he rests his head against his hands and looks up at you with his big brown eyes. You nearly melt. Your chest is tingling and all you can do to stop form smiling is to think about the serious chapter you’re up to in your book.

“I can think of other ways you can reward me.”

“Did that line work on many of Octavia’s other friends?” You wonder, pursing your lips slightly.

He sighs, letting his head fall onto your thigh in defeat. “She told you, huh?”

“Yep.” You nod, a smile pressed harshly against your lips.

“You know she‘s never had many friends, right?” Bellamy states, sitting up and looking intensely at you.

“After what you did, I’m sure she didn’t.” You laugh slightly. He notices, his smirk growing at the sight of you smiling.

“Did she at least leave much to the imagination?” He wonders, leaning back onto the green grass as he sets you up. His brown arms flex perfectly and your eyes just brush over them, not giving him the satisfaction of him knowing you think he’s attractive.

Shaking your head, you cross your arms. “Not really.” You lie, teasing him.

“Oh, so you’ve been imagining me then?”

You pause, seeing how he set you up for that. He looks at you smugly, raising his eyebrows as he waits for your reaction. “Okay, that was a good one.” You laugh, shaking your head at him.

Bellamy laughs too, his eyes squinting slightly as he marvels in his own greatness for a second. Somehow the conversation continues on, and you spend the next hour talking and teasing one another. You never got to finish reading your book for the 41st time like you had planned. You even let him borrow it.

INSTANCE NO. 3

You were handling it, really you were. But Big Macho Man Bellamy Blake had to get in the way and be the saviour, like always. “Aim higher and a little to the left, take the wind into account,” Bellamy mutters next to you, his eyes glued to your frame.

Glancing at him from the side of your bow, you nearly break your focus to shake your head at him or to tell him to shut up. But instead, you do what he says, rolling your eyes when you notice him nodding his head. Straight down the middle of your arrow stands a deer, unknowingly taking its last breaths of air.

“Easy now,” Bellamy whispers, leaning in so you can hear him. You feel his breath on your neck as he talks and talks and talks and you’re not taking in a single thing that he’s saying. “Okay?” He asks, turning to face you but he doesn’t move back. You swallow, your lips parting slightly to answer him but you weren’t listening at all.

“Uh, yeah sure.” You nod back, eyeing him once again before turning back to the deer who has disappeared.

“You didn’t hear a word of what I said did you?”

“Uh, no.” You admit, putting your bow and arrow down. Watching the distance as Bellamy blabbers on about focus and attention, you notice something swaying in the bushes where the deer was. At first, you think it’s the animal, but then you notice more and more bushes as you block out Bellamy’s droning on.

“You’re not even listening right now, wow.” He shrugs, shaking his head as if he’s a disappointed parent.

“Sh, Bell, hold on.” You press a hand to his chest and he nearly gulps, feeling his heart rate quicken at the fact that you’re touching him and you called him Bell. But when he looks at you, he notices the concern and immediately he’s switched on and 100% alert.

Following your gaze, he sees what you see and dread fills him. “We need to go. Now. It could be more Grounders.” He mutters to you, pulling you by the arm just as the sounds of Grounders shouting to one another make you jump into action.

You hear them behind you but it’s like you can’t see anything, everything’s a blur of green trees and Bellamy’s frantic gaze as he leads you back towards the camp. Wait, the camp. “Bellamy! We’re leading them right towards the others, we can’t!”

“There’s no other way, we’ll die!” He shouts back to you, his grip on your wrist harsh and painful.

You pull against him and he nearly stumbles over, he turns around to look at you with an incredulous expression. “What are you doing?!”

You line up your bow and arrow, “Taking a shot.”

“Y/N, you don’t know how many there are. This isn’t a fight we can win.” He shouts at you, frantic to get you to safety. “We’re so close to the camp, there’s safety in numbers.” You don’t listen, but when he places a hand on yours, you feel everything pause. “Please.” He begs.

You’ve never heard Bellamy beg before. To anyone. For anything. You lower your weapon and give him a slow nod, “Okay... okay, sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry just take my hand.”

You do so, running back towards the camp gates as fast as you possibly can. The sounds of Grounders chasing you is constant and terrifying and you’re at the closed gates screaming desperately for them to let you in when you hear the piercing sound of something flying through the air and landing right next to your head. The gates open, you’re not sure what’s going on but you’re being pulled inside as the noise continues then ceases all at once.

You open your eyes, looking up at Bellamy who looks just as stunned as you. Maybe even more. You’re confused when he places a hand to his upper arm, pulling it back to reveal his hand coated in blood. Then it all speeds back up again.

“Jesus!” Your eyes widen, looking at the large gash left by a spear or arrow of sorts.

“Actually my names Bellamy.” He chuckles, then winces at the pain. Now it’s time for you to pull him around, holding his hand as you yell for Clarke in the dropship. You tell her what’s wrong, and you ask for help but you were obvious to the other people just coming into the dropship who had worse injuries than Bellamy. One woman had an arrow to her leg, she was one of the people guarding and opening the gate for you and Bell.

“You’re going to have to handle it,” Clarke tells you, nodding to you as if to say you can do it.

“Hey,” Bellamy states, getting your attention as he can see how out of it you are. He holds his arm tightly, and you can help but look at all the blood that’s dripping down him. “Don’t look at that, look into my eyes.”

“Okay.” You mumble, looking into his familiar and calm brown eyes.

“You can do this, it’s not that difficult so maybe even you can get it right.” He tells you, the corners of his lips lifted into a small smirk. You don’t appreciate the jokes at the moment, in fact it nearly makes you burst out crying. “Woah, Woah, hey I’m kidding. Y/N, I’m just joking. It’s going to be fine! I’m right here.”

You just mutter okay and breathe, trying to snap yourself out of it. “Okay, okay, tell me what to do.”

“Help me take my shirt off.” He asks, not wanting to release full pressure off of his wound.

“What? How?” You furrow your eyebrows, unsure of yourself. Maybe you can’t do it. Maybe you can’t do anything.

“Y/N, I need you to put both your hands on the cut. Apply a lot of pressure while I remove it. Then we’ll go to the alcohol, okay?”

You nod, stepping forward and nearly gagging at the sight. But it’s Bellamy, and he really needs you. “O-Okay,” looking into his eyes, you both begin to count down together, “Three, T-Two... one!” You close your eyes, placing both your hands under his sleeve and onto the cut.

Bellamy grunts, gritting his teeth as he throws his shirt to the floor. “Sorry, sorry!” You mumble repeatedly, feeling your chest tighten with guilt.

“D-Don’t... Don’t apologise to me, you’re doing great.” Bellamy breathes, his shaking hands pointing to a metal box next to Clarke. He takes over applying pressure to his wound. Rushing to it, Clarke just gives you a nod telling you that you can take it. Bringing it back to Bellamy, you open it and try not to freeze to ice when you see it’s contents. Of course you’d have to stitch him up, it’s a deep graze. There’s not way it’ll close up by itself. Bellamy must think you’re insane mumbling ‘okay’ and ‘youre fine’ to yourself over and over again; as if the next ten times you say it it’ll be true. But it isn’t. And your hands are shaking. And you feel like you can’t even see the wire missing the needles hole each and every time you try. “Y/N, come on.” Bellamy encourages you gently, watching you with urgent and tired eyes.

“I’m trying.” You whisper, biting the side of your lip as you try and try again. The movement of your chest rising and falling erratically makes your hands move even more. Bellamy begins to feel himself losing too much blood, beginning to feel woozy.

“Come on...” He urges more frantically, his voice harsh, “Y/N, you need to hurry...”

Grunting in frustration, you feel as though you could lose your mind, break down, throw the whole metal box against the drop ship wall. “Come on!”

His loud voice makes you jump. You pull the wire through the needle and lean in towards his arm, brows furrowed as you take the alcohol and quickly pour some on his arm. He grunts loudly, squirming in pain. “Stay still.” You order him, your voice just as tense as his was. It all places like a blur, trying to ignore the pain in his voice and the blood on your hands as you stitch him up. It looks as good as it can possibly be, seeing as it’s been done by someone not experienced. Grabbing the bandage, you jump at the feeling of a hand on top of yours. “I can take it from here.” Clarke advises you, her eyes full of sorrow and compassion. Taken off guard, you nod at her. Somehow you’re unable to speak though your lips part.

You look down at your red hands. They’re still for once. You thought that the hardest part had finished but then you look up at Bellamy, who’s been watching you this whole time, focusing on you instead of the pain. Clarke begins to wrap the bandage around his arm, taking away the sight of his pain.

“Uh, I’m- I...” You fumble. Bellamy just looks away, nodding his head slightly. He doesn’t want to see you leave right now. So you don’t. “I’ll stay until you’re done.”

Bell looks up at you, mumbling a quiet, “Thank you.” to which you nod back. Sitting beside him, you let out a long breath. You haven’t breathed since you ran into the camp gates. It relaxes you.

When Clarke states she finishes and leaves, Bellamy turns to you to place a hand on yours. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

You shake your head, refusing to look at him. You just stare at your dirty hands, still in shock at what you just did. “No, no, don’t be.” You assure him, “I wouldn’t have been able to snap out of it. I don’t know what came over me.”

He squeezes your hand, causing you to turn to him. “I’m proud of you. Not everyone could’ve done what you did, especially when it’s someone you... you know. Don’t put yourself down for that, Y/N. You were incredible.”

Tears brim your eyes and you take another deep breath and look down before quietly stating, “Thank you.”

“Look at me,” he begs, leaning closer to you and it makes you gulp nervously. His eyes are pleading when you look up at him, “Y/N... will you stay with me tonight?”

You squeeze his hand back, mirroring what he did to you. “Anything you need, Bellamy.”

“Only on one condition though.” He adds, letting his eyes flick from yours to your lips.

“What condition?” You wonder, confused.

“Don’t fall in love with me.”

“What?” You muse, a smile beginning to form on your face. Bellamy revels in it, knowing he’s accomplished his goal of making you smile; especially after what you just went through.

Bellamy tried to hold a straight face as he continues, “Don’t you do it, Y/N. Don’t you dare fall in love with me.”

Shaking your head at him, you can’t help but smile at the boy, “you’re unbelievable.”

Like magnets meeting, the two of you lean together. You want to place your hands on his warm cheeks but you remember you can’t. So you sit there, eyes closed, feeling Bellamy’s lips press against yours. It feels electric. When you both pull away, you can hear your heart beating loudly.

“I think we might be in trouble.” You smile at him, pressing another kiss to his lips.

“I think we might be.” He agrees, the same smile on his features.

TAGLIST: relentlessgame captainlini @mesmericbell @cctaviasblake paul-steroline-lover @imaginexmeintheuniverse @bellamyblakemorley twisted-tasty14 mika-xxx @jodiereedus22 

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 16

in which murphy nearly cries AGAIN over this fic AGAIN

Cinder didn't say anything. She returned that searching look, like she was wanting something too, like she believed Glynda held some key for her own soul.

HELP ME PLEASE GOD HELP

STOP!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE I BEG OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i GUESS WE HAVE THIS CHAPTER TOO. I GUESS. OH MY GOD. IM GONNA SCREAM.

we’re opening with florence + the machine lyrics and i LOVE me some florence which is the only thing helping me cope rn but HERE WE GO. WE JUST HAD PAIN. NOW IT’S TIME FOR. MORE, PROBABLY.

The room was cast in filtered blues that seemed to drown all other color, an abyss of night that stole the reds of Cinder’s dress, smothering her in wine-violet.

i once made an offal hunt bingo card that i should have been using the entire time (whoops) but add ‘colour theory’ to it somewhere. and also because i see violet i see glyndas colour am i onto smthng here,

ALSO:

She hadn't said a word beyond what was strictly necessary through the entire ride up to her little apartment.

glynda... have u been invited into a lady’s apartment,,,,,,,,, GLYN,,,,,,,,,, HAVE U PULLED,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, G L Y N D

The lights reflected in her eyes in discs, like screens, like cat’s eyes—shockingly yellow in all the somber blue.

OH

FUCK YEAH

FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT’S GLOWY EYES HOURS FUCK YEEEEEEEEEEEEAH

i have been WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT for like FOREVER oooooooh my god yes. YES. cinder yr PRETTY EYES. i love her. did i mention that. because i do,

Glynda had heard of Faunus taking blades to themselves, to try and hide their features and escape the ever-present eye of human oppression. To cut away ears and horns and tails, shearing parts of their own bodies in a desperate break for freedom.

i want to say something thats VERY 👈😢👈 because i. hrm. dont worry abt it. im filing it away. like glynda is. but in a sadder context.

‘whats sadder than this?’

dont ask,

That couldn’t happen. Glynda didn’t want that to happen. No matter the risk. No matter how Cinder would lash out.

OUGH,,, glynda if u start 2 care then cinder will start 2 care and thats a one way ticket on the pain train to gaytown. i, for one, am thrilled,

The response on Glynda’s tongue withered as Cinder, with little fanfare, lifted her dress over her head and laid it haphazardly across the dresser. When Cinder turned back around, the faint sliver of light found purchase in the thin chain around her neck and the jade pendant laid against her bare chest.

OH

OH SHIT

/crashing sounds

MA’AM,

im having to take a minute just give me a minute please give me a m in u te

It was impossible to tell whether Cinder noticed her sliding out to the left of her own body.

glynda, but slightly to the left,

HONESTLY ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO??????????????????? MA’AM

this bed sharing is the straw thats gonna break the murphy’s back. this is it. im gonna die.

Mindfully slow in the darkness, Glynda walked to the other side of the bed, folded her glasses onto the nightstand, and slid under the covers next to Cinder. A small space existed between them. Glynda’s heart thumped in her chest as she tried to discern even the slightest motion from Cinder at her back. Proximity made her dizzy with warmth.

im not even able to comment on like specific instances because im as LOST AS GLYNDA IS RN,,,, WHAT,,,, HELLO?????????????? GLYNDA. THEYRE

THE BED

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Glynda jostled her shoulder. “Are you awake? Cinder?”

“You’re not giving me much of a choice,” Cinder said, unmoving.

og offal hunt COULD never DID never WOULD never i am absolutely going fucking ape shitt crazy feral rn. holy shit. holy shit. lads. the bed. the bed. theyre in the bed. you. whats going on.

“I know,” Glynda agreed. “You’re kind of a menace.”

Cinder was silent. In hindsight, that hadn’t come out as encouragingly as Glynda meant.

hsdjgfsgdf if this is what its like when these two are. semi-enemies. can u imagine what it’ll be like when theyre dating

(i can)

“If I showed up on Sienna Khan’s doorstep with an army behind me, she’d demand to know what took me so long to come home.” Cinder’s eyes were burning coals lodged in the sockets of her shadowed, furious face. “Fuck her. Fuck all of them.” She paused only for breath. “It’s been years—decades—and they still think—”

GOD. THE LORE!!!!!!!!!!! i am SO interested in cinders backstory and this version is rly just going wild. going hoggie wild on this shit. what the hell happened. why did it happen????????? whats going on?????? CINDER... TELL US MORE...

She was furious, like a cornered and wounded Grimm; furious, and hungry for violence.

👈😔👈

“If there is, bring me with you.”

“You?”

“Yeah.”

this is some poetic cinema. this is some soft and tender shit. i want to cry. why is this SO good.

Something small and charmed crawled out of the hollow of Cinder’s expression: the flicker of a smile, for just a moment. She said softly, “We weren’t all born with ancient souls, Glynda. Some of us were lucky to be born at all.”

👈👈👈😭😔😞👈👈👈

this is so soft. im absolutely dying. im going to die. take me out.

It must have been the room, or the night, or air, or—something—that made Glynda admit, “I wish—that I felt that way.” At the expectant silence that followed, Glynda swallowed and continued, “Not—not with the White Fang. Just… I wish that it felt like everything had been leading to something. That everything in my life was worth it.”

Cinder was very quiet.

I AM LITERALLY SCREAMING. DIESEL. KC. I WILL PERSONALLY BURN DOWN YOUR HOUSES OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

oh this sucks SO MUCH MORE when you KNOW THINGS(tm) ABOUT THINGS and ooooooooooooooooh my god im literally gonna fuckin die oh my GOD STOP!!!! STOP I HATE IT

It was like swallowing water and holding it in her lungs. She hated how it hurt. But she would rather that than drive Cinder away. She would rather anything than be alone right now.

the good news: this edition of offal hunt is so much more potent abt everything. EVERYTHING feels more vibrant and more real and more interesting and more... everything. and its GREAT i adore it

the bad news: im fucking sobbing

“Ten,” Glynda said. “I enrolled at Beacon when I was twelve.”

okay this is still a very sad moment but also can you fucking imagine rolling up to class at 17 and seeing a literal 12 year old look you in the eye and go ‘you know i can tutor you if you need extra help’. id be fucking livid. who is this square,

Instead, Cinder dared nearer, smoothing a stray lock of hair behind Glynda’s ear. It was an oddly comforting gesture, coming from her. Glynda’s heart stalled in her chest and Cinder, ignoring it, said, “I know it meant a lot to you. That he meant a lot to you.”

me, pointing: this is it ladies and gents and beans. this is it. cinder’s gone and done it now. i can feel it on the wind. here it is. there it goes.

“What is your destiny?” Glynda asked, feeling bolder than before.

The fingers brushing hair behind Glynda’s ear stalled. Cinder’s palm laid warm against Glynda’s high, sharp cheekbone. Something stuttered and then leapt between them, and Glynda’s face went hot when Cinder whispered, “You.”

“Me?”

“We were born in the same year. You couldn’t have known that—that we’re the same age.” Cinder paused and withdrew her hand, tucking it against her own chest. “But my mother felt it. I always knew.”

Glynda didn’t begin to know how to respond.

“We were born in the same year,” Cinder repeated, almost as if to remind herself, like swearing an oath. “We’ve always been each other’s destiny.”

“I always thought it was my destiny to die,” Glynda finally admitted. “Just like my mothers.”

“No,” Cinder said, distantly. “No, it isn’t.”

okay its bad form to grab SUCH a huge section to like bring attention to it but this is. so much. not just from a fucking offal veteran perspective but SO much more too. like this section is just IT its the CORE of the THING!!!!!! and i wish i could go into why hooooooooooooly shit this bit is just. It(tm) but thats a spoiler so i will settle for this

👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈😭😭😭😭😭😭😔😔😔😔😞😞😞😢😢😢😢😢😨😨😨😨👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈👈

cinder’s last line? has me on the FLOOR. THE FLOOR.

When Glynda asked Cinder what her destiny was, Cinder had said you.  

The echo of it was butterflies in Glynda’s stomach.

im losing it. ima bsolutely beside myself

An unfamiliar tension lined Glynda, one she couldn't name or place or recognize. It choked up her throat and clogged her lungs with some unfathomable longing, but for what, she could not place. She looked at Cinder, studying every part of her face, and knew she was studied in turn; Cinder’s lips parted slightly as if she was about to speak, but she said nothing in the end.

But even without speaking, Glynda felt like she’d found an answer to a question she hadn’t had the courage to ask.

OOF. GOD. IM. AH. SHIT. C H R I S T.

i know that this is. [redacted]. and things. and that this is gonna turn into a chapter i look back on and WINCE at when [redacted] and [spoilers] happen but ooooooooooh my goooooooooooooooooood im dying. im outtie. goodbye. rip. fuck me.

[mochismilesbrighterthansun]

Poisoned

Chapter 2

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x reader

Warnings: This story in general deals with dark themes but more into the story. Smut. Choking, dark smut. Degrading names, rough dirty smut. 

Word Count: 4,499

Genre: Smut, Angst

Summary: You always knew what you wanted, you had it all planned out. But on a vacation to visit your parents you met the new tattoo artist in town and you couldn’t stay away from him.

A/N: This story will deal with darker themes. I suck I’ve been meaning to update but I hadn’t had the time. I promise not to wait so long to update again.

You couldn’t sleep after that, your mind kept revolving around one little fact. You basically agreed to sleep with the guy and he flat out rejected you. How were you supposed to face him in the morning? You hugged the covers to your chest thought about leaving.

So you waited until you heard no sounds, then you got up and walked past a sleeping Tae. You went downstairs and exited making sure to semi lock the door before leaving. It was almost dawn and it was freezing. By the time you made it to Jungkook’s the sun was already up.

It wasn’t until you knocked and a disheveled Jungkook answered the door that you realized he didn’t sleep looking for you.

“Where the fuck were you?!” He asked frantically looking you over.

“I’m sorry there was a storm and I was hiding out in one of the shops downtown.” you explained not completely lying.

“Whose clothes are those?” Jungkook eyed you suspiciously.

“It’s just some sweats Jungkook. Sorry I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“Not just me, your parents have been calling me non stop. They said you ran away and they assumed you’d be here. I mean same I thought the same you know?, courtesy and all.”

He eyed you suspiciously. He knew you were hiding something but didn’t want to push you too much.

“I have my clothes. Can we just dry them?” you began moving inside his home.

This you were familiar with. His home, his parents gone already running the super stores in town. Your head kept going back to Tae and you couldn’t help the humiliation that overflowed within you. But you would make it a point to avoid him at all costs. And it wasn’t like it would be that hard I mean you barely saw the guy.

That day you spent it with Jungkook hiding from everyone in his bedroom watching movies all day. The day was pretty gloomy outside either way. You decided to go back home the next day, but you asked Jungkook for a ride instead.

“Are you ever gonna tell me what really happened or is that to remain a mystery?” he asked while driving.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” you replied looking out the window.

“Whatever you say. Just remember I am your best friend and I do think I know you pretty well.” he probed before ignoring you completely.

Your parents decided to ignore you throughout the day. Even during dinner silence prevailed, while you looked between both of them you realized you were at your breaking point. This was pointless. They would never let it go, or you for that matter.

So on the fourth day of their silent treatment you decided to start packing. You stared at your suitcase for what seemed like hours before you placed it on your bed and began slowly packing your clothes.

“Is this a joke?” Jungkook’s angry voice filtered through the silence. His voice rose even more after you stayed silent and continued shoving clothing into the suitcase. “Y/N, Is this a fucking joke?” he pulled on your wrists to face you and realized you were crying.

“I can’t do this. You said they supported you while you needed them. Why can’t they do the same for me?, if they love me why won’t they want what makes me happy?” you asked brokenly.

Jungkook sighed and wrapped his arms around you.

“I guess they think that by trying to make you do what they want it will make everything better for you. That eventually you’ll be happy.”

“They don’t understand and I can’t be here and feel like I am not.”

“Why don’t we both talk to them?” Jungkook suggested.

You shook your head. “I’ll talk to them.”

Jungkook went outside and waited for you to talk to your parents. You sat down at the living room where they sat.

“I have something to say.” you announced.

Only your mom turned to look at you.

“If you guys mean it and think that what I am doing is wasting my time. I am leaving right now. My bags are packed. But if you want to make an effort for our relationship to be better we can do it, I’ll stay until it’s better. I love you guys.”

“Honey we want you to stay. We only want what is best for you.”

“I know that mom, but I know what I want and what will make me happy.”

At that your dad turned.

“Whatever makes you happy should make us happy.” he mumbled. “That’s what Jungkook said before leaving.” he turned back to the television. “We want you to stay.” you were about to object but he continued, “For however long you can. And then I’ll drive you to the airport.”

He didn’t move, too stubborn to show even the lightest affection towards you. You rose from your seat and hugged him tightly before kissing his cheek and doing the same to your mom.  You rushed outside finding Jungkook by his truck. He saw your smile and rolled his eyes. But you still hugged him.

“Thank you.” you mumbled.

“No problem.” he mumbled against your hair. “Now let’s go celebrate.”

You both made your way to the club; the only source of entertainment in this small town. As you entered you couldn’t help but to feel wary, searching for the dark brown eyes that had haunted your memories for the last couple of days.

But as you entered you didn’t see him anywhere. Finally you gave up and went to sit at your usual stool with Jungkook. You stayed there for a couple of hours and then Jungkook walked you home. Your mind was still thinking about him when you felt a shiver run through you. You stopped and turned expecting to find someone behind you.

“You okay?” Jungkook asked stopping to watch you.

“Yeah I just could have sworn ….” you trailed off, “let’s just get home yeah?” You smiled at Jungkook and continued to walk towards your house.

As soon as you arrived you realized something was wrong, there was a small brown suitcase at the entrance. You took your coat off and hanged it looking around for either one of your parents.

“Mom? Dad?” You called into the house.

Your mom appeared by the doorway to the kitchen.

“Sorry sweetie we didn’t hear you come in.” She wiped her hands in a cloth.

“It’s okay I just got here.” You pointed to the suitcase. “What is that for?”

“Oh your dad received a call earlier. Thomas his friend from the city said his wife unfortunately passed away, so we are going to go to the funeral. We weren’t sure if you’d want to go.” Your mom explained.

“Oh I’m sorry, well I didn’t really know them” you stared at the suitcase. “When do you guys leave?”

“Tomorrow early in the morning, we should be back in a day or two. Will you be okay on your own?” She played with the small necklace around her neck, despite you living on your own she still felt nervous about leaving you by yourself.

“Oh yeah, I’ll call Jungkook. I’ll be fine mom go.”

She approached you and hugged you tightly against her.

“Okay, Dinner is almost ready.” she turned and walked back into the kitchen.

Dinner was something comfortable now. Conversation didn’t flow as easily as you wanted but they still asked questions about your life in college. And you answered them fully and eager for more questions. You liked them being interested in that other part of your life that was very important as well.

After dinner you went to your bedroom and closed the blinds, you began pulling your pijama out from your drawer when you felt a hand wrap against your mouth. The hand muffled the scream that tore out from your chest.

“Sshhh it’s just me.” Tae whispered against your ear.

His body was flush against your back as he held you tightly against him.

“I’m going to move my hand now, don’t scream yeah?”

You nodded quickly.  He removed his hand and stepped away from you. You were confused and angered as you turned to face him.

“What the fuck is your problem why did you sneak into my bedroom?” You whispered harshly.

“You left, why did you leave?”

Your face scrunched up at that, “huh?”

“You left before I woke up why?” he tried again.

“What do you mean? How did you even know this was my bedroom??”

“I watched you move your curtains.”

“Oh God is that supposed to make it less creepy or more creepy?” Your voice was coming out in angry whispers.

“Will you just answer my fucking question?”

You sighed. “What?”

“Why did you leave? Last night?” he tried again.

“I didn’t I mean I stayed till the rain passed.” You eyed him then, “Why does it even matter it’s not like you wanted me there.” You turned away your cheeks burning in shame.

“Why cause I didn’t fuck you silly?” He was already at your back and you jumped at his deep voice against your ear.

You turned not moving away from him.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” You tried to sound bored but your heart was beating faster by the second.

He backed you against the wall.

“Last night. When you asked me to help you sleep princess.” His arms caged you against the wall.

“My brain was all wobbly I don’t remember.” You lied.

“How about now?, do you want me to help you sleep?”

You looked up at him at that, your mouth turning dry at his words.

“I bet you do, I bet you’re wet just thinking about the things I’d do to you.”

You were breathing hard, you squeezed your legs together at the shot of arousal that shot through you.

“Would you like to know?” He asked, his breath fanned your face. Slowly you nodded not being able to talk out loud. “Oh you have no idea, first I’d make you beg for me. And you would, you would be desperate for me to touch you. Just like you are now.” You made no move to deny his comment.

The tips of his fingers played with the waistband of your jeans. Your breathing came out shallow. You made no move to stop him as he began unbuttoning your jeans. You said nothing as you leaned completely against the wall. His eyes didn’t leave yours as his hand dipped inside your jeans and began touching you through your underwear. You left out a shaky sigh at the contact.

Tae growled as his fingers began massaging your folds through your underwear. “So fucking wet like I knew you would be.” You grabbed onto his shoulders as his pace quickened. He buried his face on your neck, “I wonder if you taste as sweet as I imagine.” You moaned at that, “would you like that? Would you like it for me to get on my knees right now and eat you up?” He growled against your skin.

Before you could nod or make any affirmative indication there was a soft knock on your door. It was soft but you heard it nonetheless. You jumped and pulled Tae’s hand from your pants as you made your way to your door in shaky legs. You turned off the light.

“I’m getting dressed!” You yelled through the door.

“I just wanted to say goodnight and we’ll see you soon sweetie. In case we don’t see you in the morning.” Your mom's voice filtered through the door.

“Okay mom have a safe trip.” you locked the door and turned to find Tae grabbing a pig from your bed. When he noticed you staring he smirked, and threw the plushie down. “You need to leave.” You said pointing at him.

“That’s not what you were saying a couple of minutes ago.” He plopped down on your bed.

“Listen I’m sorry for leaving like that but you can’t be in here my parents are down the hall.” You crossed your arms across your chest.

He rose from the bed then walking towards you in short strikes across your bedroom finally reaching you. His whole presence was intimidating as he looked down on you with dark eyes.

“Come to my place tomorrow.” He demanded. It wasn’t a question.

“What?”

He rolled his eyes. “I said fucking come over tomorrow.”

“This is a very unconventional way of asking someone out.”

“No princess this isn’t a date, just to finish what we started. I want to fuck you dirty, the kind that doesn’t wash off.” He reached for your hand and placed it over his clothed dick. It was hard, and the bulge was big. Your eyes widened at the contact. “Fuck, what I wouldn’t do to have those pretty lips wrapped around my cock right now.” Your eyes shot up to meet his. He walked away from your touch towards your window. “If you wanna fuck you know where to find me.” He called out before slipping out the window.

The next couple of days you spent them in a foul mood. First of all Tae had left you horny, and all you could think about was his fingers on you. His hands on you, and that clouded everything else. You went to the bar on two occasions looking to get at least a glance of him. But he was nowhere to be seen.

So on the fourth day Jungkook finally snapped.

“What the fuck is up your ass?” he complained harshly.

You turned away from him, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Fucking bullshit, you’ve been acting like a fucking stick is up your ass so fucking explain or calm the fuck down.”

“I’m just….” you trailed off.

“Just????” He prodded.

Your cheeks burned in shame.

“Just horny” you mumbled.

“Huh I didn’t hear you?” Jungkook asked getting closer.

“Horny! Okay? I’m fucking horny get off my ass!” You yelled out in frustration.

A couple of persons turned to look at you but you hurried down the hall pushing the grocery cart. Jungkook trailed closely behind you.  

“Fuck, shit my bad. I didn’t know.” he tried scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Look sorry alright? It’s just been a while.”

“Um your hand?”

“Can we just change topics please?” You begged in shame.

“Of course. When are your parents coming back? It was supposed to be a short trip?”

“Uh yea they called me earlier, they told me they were gonna take a few more days.” You pushed the cart further down the aisle with Jungkook right behind you.

“Do you not own a vibrator or-?”

You stopped abruptly causing him to crash against your back.

“Jungkook we are done talking about this, let’s go pay so I can go home and burn in shame.”

Jungkook chuckled walking with you to the register, he drove you home but only dropped you off leaving you alone to fix the groceries by yourself.

You had thought about going to Tae but you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. He plainly stated all he wanted was sex, and by this point you were so horny any doubts were beginning to fade. Maybe just one time to get him out of your head. One time to know what sex with him felt like. You knew Jungkook would not come back for today, it was already late.

You thought about just going ang giving into this lust you felt. You sighed and decided to go take a warm shower and go to bed. After you showered you went into your room looking for a brush for your hair. You shivered as you felt a breeze.

You frowned as you went to close the window, you didn’t remember leaving it open. You closed it fully and pulled on the curtain. As you turned you saw someone laying down on your bed. You jumped in fear but it soon dissipated as you recognized him.

“Tae you gotta stop sneaking through my window and knock on the front door like a civilized fucking person would.” You complained ignoring him and walking into the bathroom.

“And miss that cute face you make when you are terrified come on now.” He leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed.

He played with the lip piercing on his lip and you wished it was you playing with it. He smirked through the mirror.

“I thought I told you to come see me.” His gaze turned dark.

“Uh yeah, but where is the fun in doing whatever you ask me to do.” you said before starting to brush your teeth.

“Oh you will princess. You will start doing exactly as I say.”

You rinsed and walked past Tae into your room. Your heart was pounding in your chest as you began to prepare for bed.

“Is there something you needed?” You stared impatiently, feigning boredom but that only made his smile widen.

“Why are you acting like you don’t want me to fuck you, we both know you have been drooling for my cock ever since you touched it.”

That did it. The shred of pride left vanished and all you wanted in that moment was for him to take you however he wanted. He must have noticed a change on your face because his smirk returned. He went to sit on the chair by your desk and widened his legs. You took that as and invitation and on wobbly legs you began walking towards him only to have him lift his hand to stop you.

“First you are gonna be a good girl and sit on the bed.”

You frowned but did as he said.

“Open your legs, show me that pussy.”

You blushed, and when you hesitated he groaned.

“Do what I’m telling you or else I’m leaving.” He threatened.

You slowly parted your legs, you shivered as you felt the breeze against your bare pussy.

“Touch yourself for me.”

“What?” Your face showed your surprise, you had never done anything like that in front of anyone before. Your legs sealed shut and you rose from the bed clenching the towel against your body.

You saw Tae rolling his eyes and eyeing you.

He tapped his thigh.

“Come sit here princess.”

You looked around your room awkwardly and then back to him.

“I won’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with.” He tried again.

You walked to him slowly and sat awkwardly on his lap. He began rubbing your thighs slowly, he grabbed your hips and positioned you to sit in between his legs. He kept rubbing your thighs and slowly his fingers inched to where you wanted him. The rings on his fingers felt cold against your skin.

His fingers reached your pussy and began sliding his finger across your slit. He groaned at the contact.

“You’re so fucking wet like I knew you would be princess,”

You rested your head against his shoulder as you let out a soft moan.

“That’s it princess let go,” he mumbled against your neck.

You began moving your hips chasing his fingers.

He chuckled lowly, “what do you need princess?, tell me what you want.”

“Your fingers Tae please.” You moaned out.

“I like hearing you beg, do it again.” He demanded stilling your movements with his other hand.

“Please, please finger me I need it so bad Tae please.”

“I like how pretty you sound begging. But wouldn’t you rather my cock?”

You moaned at that and nodded quickly.

“You need to earn my cock though baby.”  He mumbled sucking on the skin on your shoulder.

“Pleasee.” You tried again because you needed his fingers anything.

“I said you need to earn my cock.” He said more forceful.

“How?” You groaned.

“You know how.”

Oh, you did in that moment. You knew he wanted you to blow him. And right then you didn’t care.

“Okay.” You said.

He stopped all of his movements and allowed you to get on your knees in between his legs. He leaned against the cushioned chair and placed his arms against the arm rest.

He caressed your face then. “Are you gonna be a good slut and suck my cock?” His words shot arousal straight to your center. You nodded. “Take me out then.”

You unbuckled his belt and began undoing his jeans. You reached for his dick and when you grasped it your eyes widened. It was so much bigger than you anticipated, long and thick and that was not gonna fit your mouth.

“I wanna see you choking on my cock like a good slut yeah? I’m gonna fuck your mouth and I won’t stop till I want.”

You looked up at him and didn’t respond because yeah you were so turned on you wanted all of that. So you allowed him to wrap his long fingers on your hair and lead you to his already hard dick. You opened your mouth as wide as you could. He began pushing you slowly down his length. He let out a growl as your mouth wrapped around his tip and he had to stop the urge to thrust into your warm wet mouth.

“Fuck yeah just like that fuck your mouth feels so fucking good…… come on take a little more for daddy you can do it.” He encouraged pushing you further down. Your eyes began to water as he pushed you further down his length. Once you gagged he pulled you off saliva dripping from your lips. “Do that one more time and I’ll fuck you. Choke on my cock for a little longer and I’ll give you what you want.” He led you once again but faster, this time not stopping when you gagged or as years began streaming down your face. He groaned loudly and pulled you off his dick. “Fuck I was about to cum down your throat.” He looked down on you with lust filled eyes. “Hands and knees on the edge of your bed.”

You rushed to comply, you heard slow steps behind you and the sound of his belt being pulled off. He ripped the towel from your body and caressed your ass with one hand.

“Do you trust me?” His voice was even deeper and it made you shiver.

“Yes.” You mumbled.

He leaned over you and placed the belt around your throat, you flinched and tried to move away.

“No baby wait, I’m not gonna hurt you.” He whispered against your ear.

You stopped moving as he placed a finger against your throat and tightened the belt not completely choking you. He pulled on the belt and you realized then it was like a leash. He was treating you like his animal and you didn’t know why but that just turned you on even more.

“I’m gonna fuck you now.” He warned aa his length dipped along your pussy collecting your juices. “Do you want it?” He asked teasing your clit with his tip.

“Yeeees pleasee” you moaned out.

“How bad do you want it slut?” His pace was torturously slow.

“Fuck soo much I need your cock so bad Tae, please just fuck me.” You begged.

“I don’t know if you really want it you didn’t come to my place like a good slut would.” He stopped his movements and pulled on the belt.

“Fuck I’ll come everyday for your cock please, please give me your cock.” You didn’t even know what you were saying all you knew was you wanted him to fuck you.

“Yeah? You’ll come get fucked everyday?” He began squeezing your ass with one hand as he pulled on the belt.

“Yes please.”

“Just for me right?”

“Yes Tae just for you please I’ll do anything.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” He growled, then you felt the tip against your entrance. He began pushing slowly, the burn replaced by pleasure almost immediately. “You’re so fucking tight.” He groaned as he continued to push. And in a final push he seethed himself all the way. You moaned loudly and when you tried burying your face against the sheets he pulled on the belt harder. “I don’t think so, all those sweet moans belong to me, this belongs to me now get me?” When you didn’t respond he pulled on the belt.

“Yes fuck yes it’s yours Tae.” You almost screamed.

You couldn’t see the smirk he had at that moment. But almost instantly he began a brutal pace, you felt as if you were gonna cum almost instantly. And he felt your walls tightening around his dick.

“Do not cum unless I tell you to, be a good slut and hold on for me.” He said pounding into you as hard as he could. The headboard began slamming against the wall at the brutal pace he was going and you were pretty sure your moans could be heard outside but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. “You are such a good bitch for me holding on, this tight cunt feels so good around my cock fuck.” He growled.

“I need to cum Tae please.” You said hoarsely.

“No.” Was all he said before spanking your ass. You moaned louder at that. “Fuck you like that?” He did it again eliciting another moan for him. “Fuck you’re perfect, I’m gonna fuck you so good little whore.” He pulled on the belt and you were almost kneeling on the bed completely standing up. He reached for your clit and began rubbing in fast circles. You whimpered at that. “Fucking cum around my cock right now.” He wasn’t asking he was demanding, and you did in a silent scream. Your orgasm was so intense you fell forward on your hands. He let go of the belt and grabbed your hips as he began an even more brutal pace pulling  your hips to meet his. You began feeling yourself nearing another orgasm. “Where do I cum?”

“Inside my pussy, fill me up with your cum.” You groaned feeling yourself about to cum again.

He reached for your clit again. “Fucking cum, squeeze my cock again.” He demanded, he felt your walls tightening around him once again and he came almost instantly, you felt his cum inside and all you could do was whimper.

You never felt his weight on top of you. So you turned to see him using your towel to clean his dick. You looked at him curiously.

He looked at you when he felt you staring. “Fuck princess you look so good all fucked out with my cum seeping out from your cunt.” He tucked himself in and chuckled when he saw you shivering. “You like dirty talk?” He questioned. All you did was nod. “Good to know,”  he turned and walked to your door. “I’ll call.” He said before opening the door and leaving.

A/N: thanks so much for reading!

[feel199x]

 gang!au, gang member!han jisung, florist!reader, underground band!au

chapters: I II III IV V VI VII VIII IX X masterlist

warnings: angst and themes of abuse and trauma

🌸 a/n: i actually finished this fic, and it’ll be up in my queue to post over the weekend! it’s kind of exciting to be finally finishing this fic! a hint  for the next chapter is at the end!! hehe

🌸 song rec: arsonist’s lullaby

Your eyelids were still heavy when you awoke. In front of you, though your eyes still blurry you made out a flower vase. You tried to move, suddenly desperate to feel the petals against your fingertips. Even though they were azaleas, petunias, globe amarths, carrot flowers, and asphodels- all dressed in a void black vase. You knew what it meant, you knew what it threatened. But you found your arms sore, propped up and irritated from the handcuffs that hung from the ceiling. As you looked down, your head getting too heavy for your neck to support, you found yourself surrounded eglantines, lemon and peach blossoms, lungworts, phlox, and red rose petals. You couldn’t help but let out a choked sob, your wrists burning, the metal digging into your skin. You arms stayed propped up, but the numb feeling began to spread through your body. You didn’t even look up as he came in, even as he made sure to slam the door shut.

“You know why you’re in here?” You didn’t answer, your voice all used up from crying. You could feel his fingers on your jaw, propping your face up so you could look straight up at him. You couldn’t make his face out completely, your vision blurred but not fading. There were already bruises there you knew, and he pressed down on them further. “Do you? I try so hard to control myself, and here you are, still acting up.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you? I should just leave you here, let you learn your lesson.”

His thumb rested against your chin, looking at you intently- what could almost be mistaken as sympathy. It was deja vu, sitting there like a doll. “But I can’t resist you, can I?” No, you guess he couldn’t. That was the funny thing, right? He couldn’t expect to, how could he resist these primal urges? He talked and talked about nothing, and you were glad that you couldn’t pay attention to his words anyway, mind foggy and complacent. “I even brought you flowers. You didn’t have these in your shop, huh? So I got them. I’m a good husband.”

“Husband?”

“Good thing you’re pretty.” He got up, reaching over you and pulled something off your, well, ring finger. “See that? That cost more than your stupid shop.”

Stupid shop.

He slipped it back on, sitting back down next to you as he continued to talk.

“How long,” you paused, voice weak and raspy, quiet, “has it been?”

He seemed surprised by your question, eyebrows digging into his forehead in sudden anger. He got up and paced around the cramped room, not even bothering to watch him as you stared down at your own clothes- crinkled and dirty. “Why do you care?” he seethed, “I could treat you better than he ever could. A low-level drug dealer and a shitty, amateur rapper. Do you see lover boy here? No, you don’t. ‘Cause he’s dead.”

You let out a small gasp, tears brimming at the corners of your eyes and you looked at him. “What did you do?” you weeped, “Please- please, please tell me what you did.” His pacing came to a stop as he looked at you, face contorted with anger. “I got my co-workers to shoot him and friends dead, that’s what I did. Because you’re mine. Always and forever.”

You didn’t know what was true and what wasn’t- he couldn’t exactly be trusted. You grew impulsive, angry with him. Jisung would never, Jisung could never. He wasn’t that type of person- he could never take advantage of people, he could never keep something like that from of you. And here your captor was, smothering ash over Jisung’s name. But you knew he wasn’t lying about shooting Jisung and his friends, even if you didn’t want to believe it. He had tried the same thing with your family back then too. You felt guilty, at fault like you were the one behind the trigger. Anger bubbled like sparkling in your throat like bubbling water, steaming with impulsivity.

“You should kill me too then. I’d rather rot in the ground next to Jisung than spend another second looking at you.”

You knew your goal should’ve been to play the long game, especially after your failed attempt some time ago. How long has it been? You weren’t sure, there weren’t any windows in the room- and the white painted walls burned into your eyes. If you made him angry now, it would only take longer to gain his trust, but the damage was already done- you could feel the blood pouring out of the back of your head. You might’ve been dying, but you didn’t really care. You couldn’t even feel the pain from the hit from the adrenaline, so you continued to push your luck. Because it was true, Jisung had kept you going, your shop had kept you going. How would you ever be able to look another flower without seeing his face?

“He loved me better than you ever did and he didn’t even ask me to be his lover yet. Lover boy is better than you even dream about.”

It wasn’t like you to speak out of your turn, especially with the looming threat of death. You were too far gone, the warmth of blood streaming down your back. The bruises on your jaw from your grip deepening in color as his grip tightened, yelling some nonsense.

Still, even as he looked into your eyes, his breath hot on you- all you could think about was Jisung. How could you not? Your mind swam through melancholy memories.

You were in his arms tonight. His arms drooped over your shoulder, his head pressed against yours- lips brushing against your jaw as he whispered commentary about the movie you were watching. You were leaning against his chest, feeling his heart beat against your back. Knees propped up as his legs circled around you.

“I love you,” he murmured, “probably more than like, shrek.”

“I would hope so, shrek doesn’t feed you,” you paused, “But I love you too.”

And it was true, but you were unsure of the extent of your infatuation and devotion he was refering to. You wanted to say you were in love with him, but it was too much of a risk. If you scared him off now, who would come by your flower shop to spend time with you? Who would carry you off your bed during the weekends just to go to the convience store. Who would wrap arms and limbs around you and sing you to sleep at night after nightmares, after remembering? Did it even matter? You’ve never felt like this before, the only thing that came close was your devotion was your flowers. Maybe it should’ve scared you, that suddenly there was someone with so much importace to you, on the same level as the only thing that got through the Incident. You turned your head, the side pressed against Jisung’s chest. His arms moved to wrap around you waist, tightening around you. Your nose was touching his, lips only a breath away- but he was crying.

“Jisung,” you said softly, “Why are you crying? You chose this movie.”

“Do you think people in love will always end up together?”

You laced your hands in his, intertwining the both of them. “Of course,” you whispered, “Love finds a way.”

You thought it would happen then, his lips practically on top of yours- but it didn’t. He turned from you, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down- something caught in his throat. “Even if the person lied?”

“I guess it depends on the ‘sung. As long as it wouldn’t change your perception of the person in a way that hurt the relationship too much, I think they could make it.”

“What if it did? What if the person wasn’t as good as you thought they were?”

“Sung, is something going on? You can talk to me, I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.”

“You can’t. I can’t. We can’t.”

“Sung,” You cupped his face, making him look at you. You turned around, and his embrace loosened but remained around your waist. “I love you. You’re my best friend. I love you more than my shop. I promise that I always will, no matter the circumstances. You’re a good person, I know that. I promise, I pinky-promise.” You held up your pinky, and he brushed away his tears wrapping his finger around yours.

You don’t remember exactly what he had said before he left, something about a band dropping out of the club he played at. He had gotten a call and gathered his things almost immediately. You offered to go with him, you always wanted to see him live with his fans but he always refused. He said that it wasn’t your scene, and all grimy- it wasn’t somewhere you should be, not a play for someone pure as you. But you didn’t feel pure and insisted that he was the purer of you two. But it didn’t matter, when Jisung’s mind was set, it was set. He kissed your forehead, and before the door close he wrapped his pinky around yours without another word.

And then Jisung disappeared again.

It wasn’t the first time, but it was one of the longest. The days dragged on, the day having to pull and drag the night up into the sky. Even the sky’s star shined dimly, there only because of obligation. Ever since you started making arrangements back home at your mother’s flower store, you never liked roses much. But now you were starting to understand people’s obsession with them. It was an iconic symbol of love, everyone’s go-to, and you supposed there was a good reason for that. Its smell was sickeningly sweet, and the petals like velvet. You started getting letters in the mail. It happened every day. And even though you were flattered, you began to get worried. Worry arising.

After four months, you finally saw Jisung again. He kept somewhat in contact, but he had been busy. There were two months with complete radio silence, and one night you saw news coverage of shots fired in a car chase. You hadn’t put two and two together then, not even as you saw Jisung slightly limp as he moved around your store. You remember being conflicted about asking him, but as he kept telling you about his stories featuring his group members, you got lost.

That’s the night it all happened.

But before that, way before that. Maybe it really was love at first sight.

After the hose incident, you found Jisung lingering around your store until closing time. He had brought sweets every day for two weeks until you invited him back up to your apartment.

“Thank god,” he groaned, “My grandmother said if it didn’t work this time, she was going to interfere. Jokes on her, though, I’ve been stealing sweets forever.”

You laughed, getting bold after closing the shop and tugging at his wrist as you pulled him up the metal spiral stairs. “I would be more worried about Minho,” you teased, “you’d better not be slacking off during practice or he’ll chew you out.”

“Ew, ugh! Don’t remind me.”

“So, um,” you looked down, “What do you want to do?”

“Can I pick a movie?”

He had chosen a romance movie, you could’ve gone to the theater instead, but he insisted that he would pay you back for the fee- and that going to the theater would never be better than streaming at home. You didn’t mind romance movies, they were fun to watch. But during the less tense parts of the movies, you could feel yourself falling asleep and before you knew it your head was on his shoulder. If you were less sleepy, you would’ve freaked out as he pulled you closer is fingers lightly drawing shapes on your hips. You awoke when you felt Jisung’s chest heave and you looked up to see him crying. It was the first time you saw Jisung cry, and it broke your heart.

“Jisung, are you okay? We can change the movie if it’s too much…”

“No! Sorry, it’s just…”

“It’s just?”

“I don’t think there’s anything more beautiful than love. I’m going to have a love like this one day. And I can’t wait. Thinking about makes me cry.”

 You were awake now. Eyes glazed over, still heavy with exhaustion and sleep. The blood down your back had dried now, you could feel your hair all bunched together and sticky with the flaky dried and blood. It was throbbing, pulsing almost- the headache was unbearable. How long has it been? How long would it be? You tried moving your legs, a numb static began to make you grow in discomfort. It was for the better though, because otherwise you would’ve felt the rope digging in and around your ankles. It was hard, you had to press your wrists further against the cuffs in order to help yourself. It was awkward, like a baby learning how to walk. It must’ve been hours when you stood there, the feeling finally returning to your legs. Your arms were relieved with the ability to relax, even if they were in an awkward position. They were still strung up, but at least your upper arm could relax.

The flowers in the room had been replaced, but the petals around you were starting to become crisp and brown. Alstroemerias, altheas, arbutus, red and yellow balsams, Japanese rose, jumpers, and kalmias. It made you shiver with disgust and fear. Where was he getting these flowers? Was he going back to your shop? 

You collapsed suddenly, your legs caving in on yourself. Your wrists pulled at harshly as your knees hit the floor. Have you eaten? You couldn’t have, how long has it been? Your stomach began to turn, you were hungry, but that was the least of your worries. Was Jisung really dead? What about his friends, Minho, Chan and everyone else? Were they dead too? How were you to expected to live with yourself, knowing you had brought his misfortune on all of them? If they were alive, how could you expect them to forgive you for the mess you had made? You couldn’t, and you would have to live with the guilt of hurting Jisung for the rest of your life. Because you knew it was dangerous, falling in love with someone knowing that it could be turned against you at any moment- but you did anyway. And now you had dug your own grave. Thoughts were growing difficult to form, the space growing through your coherent thoughts. All you could was feel.

How much time has passed? Months? Weeks? Days? Hours? Minutes? All you knew was white. You could see the walls fill in the spots in your vision. It was irrational, but you began to hate the white painted walls. The lack of color was draining you, except for the vase in front of you. You wanted to kick it, destroy it completely- you wanted to move and release everything- every emotion and irrational thought boiling with impulsivity in your head. The only thought going through your head, getting louder and louder, blocking the diminishing number of coherent thoughts.

Jisung is dead.

Jisung is dead.

Jisung is dead.

Jisung is dead.

Jisung is dead.

Jisung is dead.

You cried, even as dehydrated as you were. Your voice was raspy, and you couldn’t even speak words of comfort to yourself. You couldn’t remember, you couldn’t make them out.”It’s…going….to...be...okay.” Maybe it was pathetic but you were the only one you could lean on. You couldn’t hang on to the hope that someone was going to rescue you, especially if the only people you were dead- or angry because of the mess you had caused.

“Have you learned your lesson?”

You looked up, vision spotty and glazed with tears, and nodded desperately. You were mad at yourself for giving in so easily. “You’re pretty like this, “ he cooed, “All broken down and desperate.” He stroked your hair, fingers getting caught in your bloodied hair. “I bet you’re hungry, hm? I’m not going to let you go, so you’re going to have to let me feed you. I’d hate to have to...well, you know.”

You wish you didn’t.

 It felt like you were giving in as you ate, the food dry and difficult to swallow. He sat there for a while. The water he made you drink missed your mouth and streamed down your neck. You sat there, helpless, unable to clean yourself. “What a pretty mess,” he murmured, “What a pretty mouth. Just for me.” You hated him, you did. You hated him like forest fire, like the damage of a natural disaster. He disgusted you, he was disgusting- time and time again, he had taken everything that mattered to you. And he won. You felt pathetic, useless. Jisung was dead, dead and gone and you felt like it was all your fault. It made you shake, your heart thumping against your ribcage, begging to get out.

His phone rang, the ringtone burning in your ear. “Yes… I told you...Just get it...Dead.” He must’ve heard you lean against the metal cuffs, because he got up. He smiled, using his thumb to wipe the water off your lips. You were beginning to panic again, maybe it was a small chance that he was talking about Jisung and stray kids, but any chance was big enough to get worried. Before he closed the door, before you could give a second thought: “Help me take..a bath. Please.” Even with your soft, raspy and broken voice, it was enough to get his attention. Words were getting harder to form, it was getting to harder to even think- but you had to warn them, even if you don’t know what the danger was. Because if the call was about them, some of them were alive- and that meant you could clean up some of your mess, or at least make up for it. He ended the call quickly, uncuffing you. You arms immediately dropped, hands slamming against the floor.

“I knew you would come around. But you’d better behave. I don’t care if I have to hurt you to keep you complacent.” You watched as he pulled at your legs, untying the rope that kept your legs together. You struggled to get up, so he opted to carry you, throwing you over his back. It hurt your eyes to be flooded with color as he carried you to the bathroom. The bath ran and you sat in the warm water, he was watching you as he sat on the toilet cover. The feeling was returning to your body as the water in the filling bathtub lapped against you. “Help...me.” You didn’t want him to touch you, you never wanted to feel his fingers brush against your bare skin. You didn’t trust him, and you never would. Especially not after he did, or tried to do with Jisung. But more than anger, you felt guilt. It was overwhelming, contradictory feelings making your head spin even more. You shuddered as you felt the soap against your back.

“I missed you,” he murmured, “I’ve been searching for you for so long, waited for you so long.”

You swallowed hard, biting your lip as he continued. “I watched you for months. I wanted to take you and carry you away in the night, but I wanted to make him watch. He needed to know you were mine.” You felt hot water pour over your head, the bathtub becoming decorated in a red tint. “I almost gave up, I thought I had lost you completely. But then I saw you with lover boy. I wanted to kill him right there, I wanted to kill everyone but you. He gave a good fight though, beat the shit out of me. But guess who’s dead and who’s got the love?” He laughed at that, massaging something into your hair and picking at the flecks. You felt your wound burn and you moved to cover it, but he slapped your hand away. “Me. I won. You’re all mine, and if I ever see him again. I’ll kill everyone. I’m the only one who loves, okay? Not Jisung, not anyone else. You’re mine.” You heard him murmur that again and again. “I love you, you’re mine, mine.” You brought your knees to your chest, glad that the water hid the fact that you were crying. He didn’t push you to get up though, at least he was that decent. You watched as the red water swirled down the drain. He left and brought a towel, and your dress was clean and pressed. He sat on the toilet cover again, watching in case you wanted to pull something again.

This time you walked, content with being able to feel your weight shift as you walked. You knew this feeling, what it felt like to be completely devoid of basic powers. He led you back to the room, watching the phone in his back pocket. As you entered the room, you took an interest in the flowers. They were beautiful, despite what they meant. It was the only color in the white void of a room, and it mocked you. Your fingers caressed the petals, and the smell was haunting. Your heart was beating again, and you did your best to keep your face blank.

“Aren’t they nice? I got them just for you. You don’t even know what they mean, do you?

“No...tell me.”

“Nah. It’s a secret just for me.”

He moved to set up your ties again, and you got up, legs wobbling with a slight shake as your grip around the black vase tightened. It was now or never. It didn’t happen in slow motion- you knew that wasn’t possible. But you watched as the vase shattered against the back of his head, falling, bursting into tiny pieces as the flowers fell to his feet and he toppled. You knew there was no way he would be down for long, so you fished the phone out of his pockets. You panicked as you ran around the large house, searching for a room to hide in the meanwhile. His phone was locked, but you saw the screen unlock as you typed in your anniversary. You didn’t know where you were, a random room with various boxes. You slide the closet door open, met with the smell of mothballs but you entered anyway. There was a lot of stuff, and you piled things on top of you as you typed Jisung’s number.

It fell to voicemail, and you felt tears well up in your eyes.

“Jisung….it’s me….don’t have time, please...he’s send..ing...someone. Be safe..please...I’m in love.... with you. I’m sorry.”

You ended the call, typing in the emergency number.

“What’s your emergency?”

“I’m trapped...abducted.”

“Do you know where you are?”

“No.”

“Okay, stay calm okay? Please stay on the line as long as you can.”

“Can’t..he’s coming. Oh god, I’m as good...as dead.”

“Can you tell me his name please?”

“_____”

“____, as in the gang leader?”

“Yes.”

“I need you to stay on the line okay. Do you remember where you last were?”

“Boseong, my shop...flower shop..mirror.”

You heard the door slam open and the closet door slide open with a large creak.

“Sweetheart? Are you still there? Sweetheart, stay on the line. Is he in the room-?”

“Caught.”

azaleas: fragility

petunias: your prescense soothes me

globe amaranths: immortality, unfading love

carrot flowers: do not refuse me

asphodel in a black vase: death threat

eglatines: i wound to heal

lemon blossom: fidelity in love

peach blossom: i am your captive

lungworts: thou art my life

phlox: our souls are united, unanimity

alstroemerias: devotion

altheas: consumed by love

arbutus: love only for you

red balsams: touch me not, impatient resolve

yellow balsams: impatience

japanese rose: beauty is your only attraction

jumpers: asylum, aid, protection

kalmias: treachery

[notquitejiraiya]

Chess [17] - {ShikaTema AU}

Despite all odds, and thinking I wouldn’t have got inspired to do it, here is Chapter17; brought to you on New Years Day as I planned :)

I dedicate this (which I never do) to the badass people who I’ve only spoken to a little bit, but have been so damn kind about my work and are just great people.

Enjoy :)

[Read / Comment on AO3 Here]

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Nothing could quite compare to how Temari felt in this exact moment, nor could she relate any experience in her life to the underlying fear that had resonated since Saturday night; that ever-present pang of hurt that clung to her chest and send shivers down her spine.

Gaara, as expected, had been as helpful as he could be. When she got home, after the false smiles and tired eyes played well in front of Kankuro, she made a beeline for his room, and found him sat in bed, reading as he waited. There he had sat, looking at her with a gaze that was equal parts exhausted and excited, but it took only one proper look at her for his arms to open up. And, obviously, she ran to him.

All she’d done was explained. The evening had been pleasant, despite the fact that he was late, and very much despite the fact that he wasn’t willing to give her up as a therapist. She was not going to be any use to him anymore—she must’ve told Gaara that a hundred times over, but nothing seemed to make him speak. As always, her little brother sat and listened intently, holding her close until she eventually calmed down and fell asleep in his arms. When she’d woken up he was on the floor with a blanket and a pillow, his red hair spread messy, and she couldn’t help smiling. He was definitely her big brother at heart.

Both Sunday and Monday had been days of false smiles and hiding, reading every file but his in an attempt to recollect her thoughts and not be useless, but every road felt like it lead back to him. Every phrase that fell from a patient’s mouth felt inferior, and, while on the Monday she had her first patient who was ready to stop coming to see her, she felt no fulfilment.

She thought knowing him had been making her happy, but now she felt almost nothing at all.

But that whole time had been leading up to this moment. For two days she’d been waiting to hear that door click, torturing herself by reading his file over today’s lunchtime, and trying her absolute best to keep up with everything people said to her. Without a doubt, though, she had never felt more on edge in her life, and she stared at the doorknob, just waiting for it to turn.

As the metal glinted as it moved, Temari wanted nothing more than to hide away behind her desk or disappear away, never to return. Instead she braced herself, took a deep breath, and desperately searched for a positive in the situation.

Three-fifty-four, she noted the time. He’s early for once.

“Hi,” she mumbled, forcing a smile.

“Hi. Sorry.”

“Come sit down,” she instructed, adjusting her position on her chair. “Are you, um, doing alright today?”

All Shikamaru could do in response was nod, rubbing his neck nervously as he stepped closer. “Well, this is awkward.”

“It’s not!” she lied. “So have you had any problems since Friday?”

It was his turn to lie, shaking his head.

“Really? None?”

And again. “No.”

“How’re your family?”

Suddenly there was a smile on his face, and she could feel herself getting riled up; confused by it’s appearance. “You’ve got no idea how to talk to me now, have you?”

Temari gulped, her palms sweating. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“This is horrible,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “It feels like we’ve never even met before.”

“That’s what I was going for. You were the one who said forget about everything, Shikamaru. I’m forgetting it.”

“I didn’t mean forget how to be a normal human being.” Shikamaru sighed, sitting back into the sofa and biting his lip as his eyes looked everywhere but at hers. “I meant go back to before what happened—I meant be yourself, Tem.”

“Temari,” she argued, correcting him. “And that’s difficult, given that I knew this would happen and yet you just had to come back.”

“Tem—”

“And now I can’t help you.”

The spark that was fighting to stay alive in his eyes suddenly went out, and his arms folded across his chest, sloppy like a ragdoll. His gaze flew towards the window, and like a statue he was at once immovable.

Temari felt a lump in he throat. “Shall I grab the board?”

He didn’t move.

“Okay then, shall I just go fuck myself?”

She thought she saw that slight smile wriggle its way back onto his lips, but when she blinked it was gone. “Why don’t you just ask me about Asuma?” he mumbled. “You were on a fucking roll on Friday until I stopped you.”

“Your teacher?” She frowned. “Is there more for you to say about him? You already covered a lot of it then.”

He laughed, humourlessly. “Forget it then, jeez.” She could see his eyeballs flickering side to side, lulling closer to closing as he watched the clouds. “It’s as if you’ve forgotten your job.”

The recurring desire to punch him was crawling back to her, stronger than it ever had. “My job, Shikamaru is to help you understand yourself, and to make you feel better. And, to be really honest with you, right now I have no idea how to do that whatsoever.”

“Brilliant.”

“Will you just shut up?” she shouted, burying her face in her palms.

Shikamaru could see just from the whiting of her knuckles out of the corner of his eyes how uncomfortable she was, and the sharpness of her voice wasn’t something he was used to. Why had he at any point thought that this was going to be different from this? Did any sane part of him really think that she wouldn’t be mad at him in some way, shape or form? Of course he didn’t, so why was he so surprised that she was upset, infuriated. She almost looked broken, and the same insane part of him that was so riddled with hopeful denial wanted nothing more than to mend her somehow.

But, then again, she was Temari—from what she’d told him she was the strongest person she knew. Surely some stupid skinny asshole hadn’t shattered that person to a nervous wreck. She wasn’t like him; or, at the very least, he didn’t want to think that she felt at all like he did right now.

“Temari, I’m sorry, I—”

“I don’t want you to apologise to me. I don’t want you to even mention it.” Her eyes, bloodshot and angry stood in agreement, but Shikamaru couldn’t help thinking they didn’t give the whole picture.

He leant forward in his seat, hands locked together between his knees. His gaze turned solely on her, desperately trying not to waver and determined to not look away again. “I’m sorry I came back.”

“I just cannot believe I called you selfless, Shikamaru. You’ve come back here purely for yourself, like you don’t realise how genuinely hard this is for me to continue with!”

“We went on one date…”

“Which was one too many, Shikamaru! I—” She stopped herself abruptly, lowering her voice to a whisper. “I almost fucking kissed you!”

He gulped, eyes falling to the floor.

“I’m sorry. Did you actually want to talk about Asuma?”

“If you want me to. If it helps me get better then sure,” he mumbled, nodding.

“That’s so important to you, isn’t it? Getting better.” Her voice was almost bitter, but she masked it well with her soft smile. “That overrides everything.”

Shikamaru’s shoulders drooped. “I mean, obviously it’s important to me, but I wouldn’t say it ‘overrides everything’.”

“So, if you were to have the chance to do something that would make you genuinely happy but it would stop you getting better, you’d do it?”

He raised his head again, shaking his head with the most surprising smile yet. “I know exactly what you’re saying. My IQ is through the roof remember.”

“I never said anything about—”

“But I know that’s you’re saying. I know what can make me better, and I will do it. When I’m better I can do the things I want to do…”

It was Temari’s turn to feel her stomach fill with guilt. Despite the anger that rushed through her body, and the insane temperature at which her blood was boiling, for reasons she couldn’t quite pin down, she suddenly felt herself go cold at the sight of his smile. Not calm—no she was definitely still infuriated with him—but genuinely chilled. So many times she had looked at him and seen nothing but his usual melancholic veil of false calm, having no idea what was really happening under than dark hair and what was really inside his heart. Never had she known exactly what he was going to say; she just wasn’t able to pin him down like that.

Until now, because, strangely, he could feel it herself. So many things at once, rushing around; always taking blame and never placing it for so many unforgotten mistakes and could-have been moments, trapped in a loop of hostility towards himself that made his fingers tap anxiously…she could see it all. And, despite all her instincts as a therapist, she couldn’t bear to watch anymore.

“Most of them, anyway,” he added finally, one corner of his mouth raising, as if to convince her he was okay, really.

It didn’t work.

“I’m sorry. I never should’ve agreed to go out with you.”

Shikamaru shook his head, a deep frown carved into his expression. “Stop it. You have nothing to apologise for.”

“But, I—”

“You’re only trying to help me,” he acknowledged. “It’s my fault that I’m back here, and it’s my fault that I’ve painted myself with an extra layer of pain every hour since Saturday, and I’ve kept adding to it; checking my phone, almost calling you, almost calling here yesterday. I know its entirely my own fault, and yet I can’t shake it off.” He let out a huge sigh, squeezing his eyes shut as his head shook, trying to displace his thoughts. “I just can’t fix it.”

As she watched him haul himself to his feet, zipping up his hoodie blind, Temari felt her boots violently hit the ground and soon she, too, was on her feet, making a beeline for him. When she’s turned the corner of her desk, her hips swaying rapidly as she sped walked, she reached out to grab his arm, but his eyes flew open, and he stepped back, crossing them across his chest.

“Don’t.”

“Shikamaru—”

“Don’t, it’s fine,” he whispered, trying to stop himself listening to his own words. “I won’t come back.”

Temari was too frozen by far too many emotions to move a muscle, and so she watched hopelessly as the young man paced towards the door—faster than she’d ever seen him walk—lingering with his fingers on the door handle. She thought, maybe, that he’d look up. Or maybe he’d turn and give her one final smile—one last hurrah.

Silently he nodded once, and twisted the knob, leaving as silently as he’d entered. It took seconds for Temari to collapse on the sofa he’d just been sat on, perturbed by the warmth of spot he’d just been in, and pull her phone from her pocket. Quickly, swallowing all of her emotions and whatever pride she had left, she dialled her most called number and listened to the beeps of it ringing, and ringing, and ringing…

“Gaara,” she said to the answerphone, not caring whether he listened now or in three hours, just desperate to speak to someone or something. “Please say you’re going to the pub quiz tonight with trenchcoat-guy. I really want to come—hell I’ll even pay for your drinks, just let me come. Please!” She was aware how painful her begging was, so after a long, deep breath, she uttered the real truth, “I just really need a bloody drink.”

Outside, at the bus stop in the pouring rain, a young man put his phone to his ear and uttered very similar words. “Choji,” he sighed down the phone, “please tell me you can meet me tonight?”

“Man, I’ll be at work from six onwards, but Ino’s probably free if—”

“I’ll come. I need you, man.” He did, and his friend’s vague company would be better than loneliness tonight. He couldn’t do it tonight.

~~~

Temari knew that every other Tuesday her youngest brother would come to the pub, drink with his friends, and play some quiz she’d never considered taking part in. What she didn’t know was that said brother was really, really good at it. And, while that inevitably made her feel a bit stupid and a little more downtrodden given the day she’d already had, it definitely had it perks. Perks which consisted of a lot of free drinks for winning each round.

The clock had barely struck ten and she was convinced at this point that she’d drunk a bucket’s worth of cocktails. Never had she considered herself a cocktail person—she had always been a ‘beer-out-of-the-can’ kind of girl, with the odd gin-and-tonic of someone else could be bothered to make her one. So, unsurprisingly, the pitchers of cocktails their quiz team had one, and she had drunk, had gone straight to her head.

Temari could hold her alcohol with the big guns—she could out-drink Kankuro any day—but this was dangerous. These drinks tasted like fruit juice, and they just kept on coming. She was smart, and underneath the fuzziness and slurring, she was perfectly aware that this was not going well.

And, for once, she didn’t give a shit.

Shikamaru, on the other hand, did.

He’d spotted her the second she walked in, hiding expertly underneath his scarf so she didn’t notice him, and ever since he had been sat, hidden behind a pillar, hoping that she’d never leave her seat—never see him. She had as much right to be here as him, and yet he knew if she saw him she would get up and leave. Or, at least, she would’ve.

He hadn’t join in with the quiz, although Choji had violently urged him that he should, telling him he could get crisps or juice instead of the drinks they gave to winners if he just asked.

“Look,” he said as Shikamaru peered over at the blonde drinking some fantasy-coloured drink through a draw, “you can join in anytime. You’ll ace it if you do!”

“Choji,” he argued, “I didn’t come to play a game and eat crisps. I came to be with my mate and not be alone. If I’m going to feel sad anywhere, I may as well feel sad in a room full of noisy strangers.”

His friend had to stop himself reaching across the bar to hug him. “I’m sorry I have to work, man.”

“It’s fine. Just get me a drink.”

“Orange juice again?”

“No.” Shikamaru shook his head, biting on his lip. “Give me whiskey. Double.”

Choji’s eyes widened, and his forehead creased into a worried frown. “Man, I really don’t think you want to—”

“Choji…”

“The most you’ve drunk since you were eighteen is half a pint of weak-ass beer,” he winced, “and we all know you don’t enjoy drinking.”

Shikamaru fished out a five pound note and held it out to him. “God, you’re a pain. Keep the change, now come on.”

“Shikamaru, you don’t want this. You’ll hate me tomorrow.”

“I said double, Choji.”

The blank stare he sent his friend’s way was enough to make Choji feel as if he’d lost a war, and he could feel the pit of his stomach growing emptier as he looked into the bleak abyss of Shikamaru’s eyes. He was going to ask what had happened but now, as he unwillingly lifted the transparent bottle and measured the liquor as required, he didn’t have the nerve. Something about the lifeless urgency in the voice of his best friend made him feel broken, and after he thought it was all getting better, too.

He snatched the money and put the glass before Shikamaru. “If it weren’t for the fact that my manager is really specific with the ‘refusal of service’ rule, you would not be getting this. You’re an idiot.”

“Love you, too,” sighed Shikamaru, swirling the glass around.

“I thought you wanted to get better Shikamaru,” growled Choji, shaking his head, “but then you do this and just let yourself regress. I swear to God if it’s that girl—”

“It’s not her.” He knocked back the drink, squeezing his eyes shut. “Man, I forgot how shit that tastes.”

Choji only had to take one look at his blank slate of a face to know what was happening. “You’re going to bloody order another one, aren’t you?”

“And I thought you quit your day job as a psychic.”

The sarcasm didn’t even begin to amuse Choji, who shook his head and failed to find words. Only after he’d been called to help someone, minutes of staring at his expectant looking friend later, that he managed to speak. “Fine. But I’m not playing any part in it; ask someone else.”

Shikamaru frowned. “Choji, come on.”

“No,” his friend called back as he walked to the other end of the bar. “I can’t do it.”

After only a couple of minutes of longingly waiting for Choji to come back and throw in the towel, Shikamaru could feel himself falling into that familiar feeling of glee. Unfortunately, he knew it wasn’t real—sadly for his wallet one double wasn’t enough to fool him into genuinely feeling happy—hence the need for another. It had been so long since he’d allowed himself to do this. On occasions he’d always have one half and it would last him the whole night, and it would make him feel like he fitted in.

But this was no occasion; this was a desperate avoidance tactic, and he knew it. She was over there—the one person he simultaneously wanted to stare at the whole night and never wanted to see again—and he was painfully aware of it. He didn’t want to be aware of it.

He’d been to enough sessions with enough asshole therapists to know what he was doing, and he didn’t care—he didn’t care at all. There she’d been, suggesting to him that he was really only devoted to getting better, not feeling happy, and now he just wanted to scream, “Look at me!” until she took it back; until she took him back and rewired him as promise, fixed him as promised…

Of course, he didn’t do that. He couldn’t be bothered to do that. Instead he waved down the smiley brunette girl behind the bar and got himself the same again, and necked it instantly, forcing a smile at her afterwards when ordering another.

But the longer he sat there, the smaller he felt. It was like when he first did this, years ago, and it wasn’t washing over him the way he expected, the way he craved. Suddenly the bar stool he perched on felt to high, and his neck felt too cold, so he threw on his coat and hopped down, drinking that last whiskey and rubbing his eyes. He couldn’t leave without saying goodbye to Choji, and he couldn’t go home or else his mother would yell at him for drinking after so long of holding back.

Choji was right, no matter how much he’d deny it out loud. This was all because of her, that troublesome woman. Through nobody’s fault but his own he’d built her up as this fantasy saviour; the beautiful woman who cared about him no matter what, in a way he’d never even imagined before. And as much as he’d laugh off the ridicule from his friends about his many lonesome years, he really had never thought of anyone like that. Before this—this bizarre, impossible to pin feeling—he’d never wanted to spend time with someone just for the sake of it, and he’d never wanted to listen to someone talk about nothing like he did her.

“This is it, isn’t it?” he mumbled, so quiet he could barely hear himself. “She’s got me.”

He couldn’t leave, but he could hide from her until she left, and from Choji until the whiskey ran it’s course. And where could he hide in this pub that she was guaranteed not to go? Well, there was only one place that came to mind.

However, in his slightly drunken state as he shuffled towards his destination, the first thing Shikamaru had managed to forget that Temari still had eyes, no matter how blurry their vision was, and obviously she spotted him immediately. Stumbling to her feet, she told Gaara she was just nipping to the bathroom, and took her bag with her, slung haphazardly across her shoulder.

The second thing he forgot was that she definitely had the nerve to follow him into the men’s bathroom, and that he definitely wasn’t safe from her in there.

So, when she edged open the bathroom door, as subtly as a drunk woman can, and found him smoking next to a half opened window, she fumbled for the latch at the top of the door, locking it quickly. “You don’t drink my ass.”

Numbed, Shikamaru turned slowly, frowning in surprised. “T-Temari? What’re you—”

“You didn’t actually want to go out with me, did you?” She slurred her words into what almost sounded like three long words, and immediately Shikamaru realised he wasn’t nearly as drunk as thought he was; or as he wanted to be.

“What are you talking about?” he sighed, exasperated.

“That’s why you didn’t make any effort to impress me. You didn’t want to did you?”

Shikamaru couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness, tapping his cigarette out of the window and letting the ash fly into the wind. “Of course I wanted to,” he insisted. “I’m just useless, Tem.”

She blinked expectantly at him, shaking her head constantly. “Bullshit.”

“Temari…”

“Temari, what?” she laughed, clearly unamused as she waved her arms about dramatically. “Temari, I’m sorry I’m a miserable git. Temari, I’m sorry I lied to you. Temari, I’m sorry I made you fancy me.”

He rubbed his eyes with one hand and took a drag with the other, strategically blowing the smoke through the window. Nothing was coming to mind to respond to her—nobody had ever silenced him in the way she did, cornered him like she did, terrified him like she did.

And he almost craved it.

Trying his best to smile, he squished the butt of his cigarette on the windowsill and left it there, turning to look at her. She looked all the more beautiful tonight, but something deep within the dark depths of the subconscious he loathed so much was telling him that was due to the alcohol in both their systems, and the rosy cheeks hers had graced her with.

With all her could muster, Shikamaru leant against the wall next to the window, hands in the pocket of his coat, before he finally opened his mouth to tell the brutal truth, “Temari, I’m sorry I couldn’t bare the idea of not seeing you again.”

Yeah, right, he mused inside his mind. As if she’s going to remember that tomorrow.

Suddenly, unexpected to him, Temari dropped her bag and advanced on him, walking in jagged lines—intense zig-zags—and he could feel his knees begin the shake. “What the hell are you doing, Tem?”

“You didn’t get it, did you?” she asked, pulling one hand from his pocket and placing it on her waist.

Gulping, Shikamaru tried his best to remove it and stay calm, but every time he almost escaped her loosening grip she grabbed his hand tighter. In the end he just kept it there, and stared into her gorgeous teal eyes with the most passive desperation. “What?”

She wrapped her arms around his neck, her lips centimetres away from his. “Why I asked you to stop seeing me as a patient.”

When she bit her lip, despite all his attempts, Shikamaru felt his knees quiver more and more. “I, um,” he mumbled, voice managing to remain steady despite his body’s weakness. “I think I need to go find your brother, and—”

“No, please don’t,” begged Temari, her nose brushing against his so delicately.

There was no denying that he wanted to hold her, and he wanted to kiss her, just as she was clearly attempting. He couldn’t lie to himself and say he hadn’t had a sleepless night wondering what the hell would’ve happened if the other night this had happened instead of their sad reality. But he didn’t want it like this.

He could only just smell the floral notes of her perfume, over the alcohol that plagued the air, and while she smelt of sweet tropical juice rather than anything evenly mildly bad, he couldn’t change the truth: they were drunk, and he didn’t want it to happen this way.

“Temari,” he whispered. “Tem, are you paying attention?”

She hummed softly, her forehead flush against his now.

“We can’t do this, love.”

A soft moan fell from her lips, and the hairs on the back his neck stood on end. “Why not?” she whined.

“Because we’ll regret it,” he sighed, himself a little upset by the fact.

“I-I won’t,” insisted Temari, stubborn as ever.

“You will,” Shikamaru corrected, smiling slightly as he pushed her away. “Can I borrow your phone?”

She frowned and held onto his shoulders for support as she stumbled backwards. “Why?”

“I just want to let your brother know you’re okay.”

It took a long time of him standing with his hand out expectantly, but eventually Temari caved with a smirk and handed him her phone. While she wasn’t quite sure why she couldn’t have just done that, she didn’t question him. Probably because in that exact moment, she wasn’t quite sure about anything.

“There,” he mumbled, biting his lip as he handed it back. “I told him you’re getting some air and will probably make your own way home.”

“He won’t be fine with that.”

Buzz.

She looked down at her phone and the text message that appeared on the screen.

Gaara: Fine. See you later :)

“Okay, maybe he will,” groaned Temari, “but where the hell are we going?”

Shikamaru shrugged, hands in pockets as he watched, amused, as she tried to slot her phone into her bag. “I can take you home?”

“And risk Kankuro punching you?” she cackled laughing.

“Then that’s a no.”

“Take me home with you.”

He almost choked on his own spit. “What?”

“Please,” she whined. “Take me home with you.”

“No!”

“Why?”

“Because you’ll wake up in the night and punch me.” He could hear himself, and the melodrama he was spouting, but he still didn’t sound worried, as such.

“Then where?”

Shikamaru bit down on his lip and accepted the arm she slung around his shoulders. “I have an idea.”

~~~

“No.”

“But Choji,” he pleaded, this time taking the role of the whining one, “neither of us can go home.”

Choji shook his head. “I’m not giving you whiskey and letting you bang your therapist in the same night. I already feel like a shit friend as it is.”

“I’ve sabotaged myself here, man,” insisted Shikamaru. “And I promise we won’t do that. I just want to make sure she has somewhere to sleep, man.”

“She has a house!”

“Where she’ll talk about me and then everyone will feel even more shit than already.” He raised his eyebrows. “Man, I didn’t ask for her to follow me into the bathroom.”

Surprised, Choji’s mouth fell open. “She didn’t?”

“Yeah, she’s smashed.”

“She needs to go home.”

Shikamaru nodded, sighing.

“You’re still drunk, aren’t you?”

“Only with the words, man. Brain is doing fine.”

Choji raised his eyebrows and smiled at his friend, pulling him in for a hug, which Shikamaru begrudgingly accepted. “If you hug me back you can have the keys to my flat?”

The thinner man hugged tighter than he ever had.

“They’re in my coat out back. Use that door.”

Shikamaru smirked. He had a true friend in this guy, and he found out as much more every single day.

~~~

Temari sighed, throwing her spoon into the plastic bowl Shikamaru had given her and fell back into the couch. “I can’t believe we’re literally above a fish and chip shop and you didn’t let me buy any.”

“You shouted at the guy that you would ‘kiss in return for fish’.”

“Damn right I did,” she laughed.

Shikamaru chuckled. “And I thought I was the asshole.”

“You definitely are.”

“Tem, I just cooked you pasta at, like, twelve-a.m.”

“You’re right,” nodded Temari. “You’re a saint.”

He looked over at her and smiled, almost sadly. Choji’s flat was very small, a room with a bed and a wardrobe, and another with a small kitchen and a couch, but Temari had made herself right at home. He couldn’t help but admire how she did that. Not taking into account the fact that she was drunk out of her mind, he also couldn’t believed the way she was slowly sinking towards him, arms wrapping around him.

“You’re wonderful, Maru.”

His eyebrows raised. “Maru. New one.”

Temari looked up, hurt. “You don’t like it.”

“I don’t care,” he mumbled. “You go ahead.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, tracing patterns on his chest through his shirt. “You’re really wonderful.”

“You said.” If you couldn’t see inside his head, you’d have thought he was fed up of hearing that brilliant sentence. “You should go to sleep, Tem,” he added, changing the subject.

“I was stupid to make you feel so small. I made you feel like shit, didn’t I?”

“You didn’t,” he lied, letting her position his arms to hold her. “Just get some rest.”

“You’re wonderful, you know?”

Shikamaru smiled, the most real and fulfilling smile he’d had in a long time. “So are you, Tem. So are you…”

[dwightkschrute]

In 2014 and 2015 I did a my year in review kind of thing where I, of course, reviewed it and accompanied it with a picture from that month. I somehow forgot to post 2016 (until now) and forgot to do it at all for 2017 but unfortunately, I am back with a really disappointing year. I was debating not putting myself through the legit pain of “reviewing” this year but I think of how I love going through my 2009-2010 posts and seeing how much I’ve grown so this is for you, successful and cooler future me.

2016 and 2017 were amazing but 2018 was my most promising year. My boyfriend and I were going to move in, I was going to start my dream job; everything was perfect. It definitely started out as one of the best years of my life! Then exactly halfway through the year everything changed and I was left having to pick up the pieces and completely restart, making it one of the worst years of my life.

I started January in Mexico, which was the best, but my family and I got home early in the month. I had quit my job the month before so I dedicated the entirety of this month to job hunting. Our friend (my bf’s bff who became mine and my brother’s bff early on)’s dad got a boat so it was like we got a boat too because despite the cold, we lived on it. (My boyfriend couldn’t go on the trip with us, which he was super bummed about (and that we had to spend like 10 days apart which was killer then), so he was the one to pick us up at the airport and he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. Out of the many gifts/gestures he gave me, that was one of my favorites.)

February I started my amazing new job so life was back to 40 hour work weeks and not having much time for much else. I was always attached to the hip to my bf so almost every day after work entailed going out with him or having dinner with my family or his. That was my month. My favorite part of every February is Valentine’s Day and this one was as amazing as the rest. I don’t even have enough space (of the allotted space I give myself for each entry at least!) to describe that day. (My bf at our Valentine’s Day dinner. We finished our long day at this restaurant (so, so cool, once popular with Old Hollywood stars) on Hollywood Blvd and it was dreamy and romantic and amazing.) Oh man, I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about March. Oh, my parents got Influenza (A/B/idk tbh), so it was two weeks of my brother, bf, and I taking care of them. My dad has a serious chronic disease so it was especially dangerous for him so it was a stressful time. Once we weren’t in hazmat suits anymore (no but really, we were gloved and double masked around them and kept them quarantined), I’d be at work or with my bf. I also started to get close with a co-worker, who I quickly became close friends with! (My bf’s two huskies. I’ve just loved that picture since I took it! I’ve never been loved by a dog more than the one in the back of this pic. Not even by my own! He has a special place in my heart.)

April was barbecues at my house or my bf’s, trying every brewery and bar around, hikes, bike rides, beach visits, baseball games, boat rides, late night cooking and baking. It was lots and lots of love and happiness and I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days. (My brother and bf grilling on Easter. This was a familiar scene, I have so many pictures of this exact scenario, yet looking at it just now made me so emotional! Stop! They’re just grilling!) May was so exciting! Very first day I got a new car! I was so happy! It was long overdue because my finicky, expensive Volkswagen had to go and I’d fallen in love with the new Honda Civic (I’ll admit I have basic taste but I don’t care!) so I finally bit the bullet and did it. This month my bf and I, after a long time of “oh wouldn’t it be nice!”, bit the bullet as well and decided to finally get serious about finding a place together. So the apartment search started, but we soon realized our home, Orange County, was super expensive. My bf, in that “ha ha jk but I’m down if you are” way, suggested we pick up and move to Oregon and I immediately agreed. It just felt right and despite us being the most careful and non-spontaneous people ever, we decided to do it! So we began to research, look for apartments but most importantly, jobs. (My car the day I took it home!)

Uhhhhhh, well, June hurts to think about! We went to visit Portland, where we decided we’d want to live because that’s where the jobs were, on a quick trip since it was strictly “business.” Portland was everything I imagined and more. We loved it and I think we loved playing house in our airbnb more than anything about the city. Back in LAX we came to the easy conclusion that though we lived Portland, that’d require a lot and for our first time moving out we’d like to stay close to home and above anything else, we just wanted to live together as soon as possible. We immediately started to look for places in LA, we spent the month apartment hunting, and towards the end of it, decided on one we really liked, one he begged me to please say yes to so we can move in already. I was so, so, so happy this month but what made me happier was seeing my bf, I swear, even happier than me. I seriously felt unstoppable and was beyond excited for our future. (I had a lot of Portland pictures to choose from but my bf and I liked this one because it reminded us of Always Sunny for some reason.)

In July, everything changed. To start, I left my job. I thought, new chapter in my life, new job coming, I’ll live really far, I should leave now. So I did. My last day was an emotional day because I loved my job so much and every single person I worked with. That very same day, my bf and I broke up. For unrelated reasons to my last day, to our moving in, to our relationship, etc. We had an amazing, amazing relationship but he has a lot of demons and issues/insecurities he has to deal with and conquer, and though I was aware and was there for him and would continue to be by his side no matter what, he decided that this was a battle he had to handle by himself and I figure before he got into a more committed situation. It didn’t have to happen, though. I hadn’t talked about the specifics of the breakup on my blog so  sorry for changing the mood of the post, but yeah, July happened and it felt like my world stopped. Really regret quitting my job now, huh? I was hit by two huge losses and changes right at the same time.  (I took this on my friend’s boat 20 tequila shots in, drunk and sad as fuck. Not to get fake deep but how sad. Literally on a boat, beautiful sunset, would rather die.)

August was a blur and I’m still not convinced I didn’t just dream it. God, alright, here we go, the rest of the year is a mess so get ready. I fell into a deep depression fast. It also didn’t help that my dad had to start getting radiation/infusions for his illness shortly after the breakup. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. I started dating someone else and then I dated another guy shortly after. I wanted to replace and/or forget and I really thought that’d be the solution. I was miserable when I was with them. I took absolutely any opportunity to get really drunk or high, and the opportunity came often so I spent most of my days desperately trying to not feel anything. The only time I’d feel okay was when I was extremely high and I couldn’t even think. Since I had a lot of savings for my out of state move, I had a lot of money to blow, which I did. I realized I even liked the feeling of the temporary “high” of spending a lot and receiving the stuff. I’d hang out with any friend who offered (out of boredom? loneliness?) and even ended up on a mess of a Vegas trip. Worst month ever. Maybe. (Here’s a positive! I like that bathing suit and my tiddie looks so round!)

When September came I realized two months had passed and all I had done was be a huge depressed mess. I no joke forgot about work. I just straight up forgot. I started to look for a new job, which hurt me so bad because I had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be my Cool LA Dream Job anymore. I stopped dating. Most importantly, I completely stopped drinking and smoking because it’d almost always make me sadder but also it scared me that I had no self control nor did I care. I saw a whole lot of my close friends and they, along with my immediate family, kept me afloat this month because time felt like it was going so fast. I couldn’t believe that at a blink of an eye it was night again and then a new day. Time had no mercy for me, please let me hold on. (Me at a baseball game. Tbh I’m looking at this thinking, did this really happen?)

October started out nice because my best friend of years, who I unfortunately had a falling out with three years ago, reached out to me. I’ll always give her all of the credit for doing that. I can’t begin to explain what this meant to me. It was a nice, bright shine of light that managed to shine through the dark clouds. Having my best friend is exactly what I needed. I’m a big believer in the universe acting in mysterious ways and though I had grown disappointed in its little surprise for me lately, this was the kind I always appreciate. I spent a good part of that month with her, catching up and doing things just like we did back then. It was like nothing had changed. That’s all I remember about this month, and a super fun Halloween! That day was probably one of the best days in months. (My best friend Rylee and me the first time seeing each other in 3 years. We’ve had our blogs for 8-9 years so please follow her for quality content)

November was rough. I was frustrated because surely things should had been better by then. I was still feeling so low, I was going to job interviews to no avail, I “relapsed” and had a high/drunk off my ass on a boat messy moment.. To make matters worse, I accidentally drove up on a cement divider in a parking lot and my airbags deploy, which is so expensive to fix, so my car was out of commission for a month. Then I got so sick and I rarely ever get a small cold. I seriously felt like I was cursed, even the smallest thing felt like an insult towards me. The one good thing is that since July I had been forcing myself to go to the gym five times a week. My mom said exercising was the only thing that’d help her feel that sweet release of seretonin, endorphins, dopamine, and all that good stuff when she was depressed so, though I enjoyed going to the gym before, I did it just for that reason alone. It worked and as another result I got like pretty fucking fit. Revenge body, you’re one of the few good things in my life right now. (I literally had no idea what to choose so I said fine, here’s a pic of the scene of the crime. Whatever.)

In December I turned 26. Which I hate, naturally. I went to a million more job interviews. I’m seriously so embarrassed to admit that but whatever, it’s the truth. (I have a degree, experience, and an awesome cover letter..I’ll keep blaming the curse!) What kept me sane was that we had different family members visiting from the very beginning of the month. Playing with an energetic, adorable baby kept me distracted and happy. Having so much company around also distracted me (slightly, but it helped!) from the fact that the holidays and my birthday would be quite different now. I’m one of those annoying Christmas lovers, usually at least. This year everything just happened and I didn’t care. But I survived December! (I don’t care. This is the appropriate representation of 2018 and how I feel at the end of it.)

Jesus if you’ve read all of this.. I’m sorry you had to read about the mess of my year but really more like the mess that is ME. Yknow those like “people my age I went to HS with vs me” memes? I seriously went from being that bitch with a good paying job, brand new car, a serious, great relationship with a promising future together (Like. We would color coordinate outfits! LMAO. We would have dinners with both of our families together. We were obsessed with each other. You’d roll your eyes if you saw any of this. I can’t get over how perfect we were, it’s hilarious what happened to us.) and then at the blink of an eye I went to not having absolutely any of that, casually dating (something I’d NEVER done) anyone who resembled my ex and sadly and drunkenly puking off the side of a pier. Who is she? I don’t know, I got whiplash. (Queen of parentheses and side notes, I know. But another thing about me is... I’ve never been affected by people leaving my life. I’m used to it. I’ve never been anywhere as affected as I was when my ex and I broke up. This isn’t normal for me, my ENTJ/Capricorn ass doesn’t know what this feeling is.)

Please curse that has been put on me, release me. Whoever is attacking my voodoo doll, calm down! Please! I’ve gone through enough sadness and loss. If 2019 is even slightly as bad, I’m going to be like that pigeon I reblogged the other day that’s like “fuck this I’m just going to sit here.” I can’t even make a cute but corny, hopeful “hope 2019 is great!” comment. I’m literally begging you...pleading you... I don’t believe in karma but after all of this shit, I better have something much better in stock for me. “Good things are coming!” I fucking hope so. Like, I’ll be even more annoying right now and say that it’s not fair that I didn’t get to have the future I was about to have. I don’t care about any cliche you may have for me. One door closes, everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, etc. No. Why did all of this have to happen? What can be better than the future I was going to have? I felt so unlucky. It all feels like a nightmare and I’m just waiting to feel whole again. Oh shit I got really intense. I know I’ll get over it and life will be good again eventually but for now, I am still so mad. I would have never in a million years guessed this is how my 2018 would go. 

So fine, I’ve accepted things now, so now I’m impatient and say please prove me wrong, 2019. I’m THREATENING you to be amazing!

[maximuswolf]

what exactly DO i have to ''THanK GoD'' for? via /r/atheism

what exactly DO i have to ''THanK GoD'' for?

when i was born, my parents had been trying for years. finally they have me, and oh boy am i a treat. i came out early, and almost suffocated whilst being born. ''ThAnK GoD'' they say, as if the doctors had not just spent multiple fucking hours working non stop to assure my mother could safely birth me. skip forward a few years, and i start acting up. more than most kids do. surprise, surprise! I have ADD and Severe anger issues, (mixed with a hearty serving of depression) but guess what? that's ok! because ''God mAdE Me spEcIAl!11'' so after a few years of my innocence still being intact, my parents send me off to school. a christian school. and oh boy was that fun. nothing like indoctrinating children before they can make conscious decisions! and you know what the worst part was? that i believed it. because that false belief would be one of the pillars of my life that would cause me to crumble. my parents thought they were doing the right thing, but in a way, that decision, the one i couldn't make would be the decision that led to my mental collapse. i was taught about how people of the same gender loving each other is a BIG no-no (spoiler alert: this will come in to play later on) and how if you don't believe in god, you go to burn in hell for eternity! because nothing says comforting children like telling them that if they are different that they will die horribly! but we were safe because, ''GoD madE Us In hIs iMaGe!1!'' skip forward another few years, and I'm into elementary school, public school. but the thing is, it turns out sculpting your impressionable child can lead to your child being a dick. because since i was taught to ''SpReAD GoDs WorD!'' i did. i told asked a friend whose mother had died if she believed in jesus. she did not. so naturally, i tell her that her sweet, precious mom is burning in hell in horrible agony, and that it's her fault she is there. i never told my parents that one, because it ate away at me for so long I tried to forget. than, around 3rd grade, i developed the thing that usually ruins everyone's life. a conscious and awareness. now, one of the things that came with my ADD is tics. so i would make sudden noises, and, naturally, since America knows jackshit about mental health, i was yelled at and called a freak. ''why would god make me this way?'' i would think. ''i thought i was perfect?'' haha NOPE. soon, school became hell. everyday i would come into class, get bullied, but push it down because i know at least GOD loves me, right? soon, it was too much for me. and i fought back. and you know what? im the one who got punished. and do you know what i was told when i got home from school that day? that god didn't make like this. BAM. shot to the heart. everything i thought was true, all of the relief that god loved me, and so I must be ok, were shattered. if god didn't make this way then why cant i control it? i began to lash out more. and my brain began to be affected even worse, my anxiety so bad i would hide in a corner crying all day. only to go to church the next sunday and be told how great god is, how he designs everyone in his image. which made me realize something. he made me like this. but if he made me like this, why is that bad? why does everyone hate me? why do i hate me? and i guess that was the point i was done. i had had enough. i became more reclusive, so angry that i was sent to a new school. a school for children with mental issues. or, as the church called it ''UnIquE GiFtS!!!1!'' everyday i thought about how i was like this, and that i was wrong. it wasn't my fault, but i was. and one day, i got so angry, so tired of the same thing, that i beat up my bus driver. and that was when i was sent to children's hospital. seeing my parents at the door, so disappointed in me, even though i wished desperately to know what i did wrong, what I did to make god punish me like this. and at night i would cry. i would lay in bed, looking out the window and that night, that night i had had enough. i cursed god out, i held him responsible for every terrible thing ive been through, i begged to know why he made me like this, if i was a mistake? will this be my entire future? living in pain, and betrayal? after children's i refused to go to church. and so i also refused to go to school, losing myself in creative outlets like minecraft and drawing, making a world where i wasn't hated. where I didn't hate myself. but you see, this was the mid 2010's, and kindle fire dont have a whole lot of storage space, so when my kindle inevitably crashed, i was destroyed. the world i had built for myself, the place i could be me was gone. it was like god had taken my life a second time. but hey! dont be sad! it's ''AlL In GoDs PlAn'' thats the problem. i dont want it to be part of god's plan, i want it to be part of MY plan. fast forward a year later, and im in middle school. and that's when i met billy. billy was a jock, a real ladies man, very athletic, toned, and well built, and when i was around him, i felt something. something i had never felt with a girl before. and so one week later, i went to church, and at church i asked my pastor about those feelings. he told me i was sick. that i what i was feeling was not of ''GoDs dESiGn'' and that i needed to try to change. so, i befreinded a girl, cera. cera also had a rough past, arguably worse than mine. her father was abusive, and her mother could do nothing to stop him. and one day, cera's mom, the only light she had left, died in front of her. had an aneurism, and fell to the ground dead. and guess what? she was put into the care of her father. i have never seen a person so angry, so completley shattered. she tried to jump into traffic. she ran and i begged her not to hurt herself. and than i watched a Mercedes Benz drive on the street across us. and i noticed a confederate flag on the bumper. how come someone so awful and immoral gets to have money? whilst cera, an innocent child who had her life robbed of her, got nothing? why would a ''gracious'' god do that? he wouldn't. because there is no god. and later that week, as i was sitting in my bathtub, a thought came to mind. trickling down my spine as i looked at the pair of scissors on the counter. it would be easy, just slide the blade across my wrists and with my artery cut, i would be free in moments. i would never have to feel this again. but my family loved me. and i loved them, because they really did. they only wanted what's best for me, so i didnt. i got out, and cried in my bed for hours. that brings us to the next week, im watching HGTV with my sister and mom in the family room, and i made a mistake. one of the people on tv was very attractive. so i said, without thinking, ''damn he's sexy'' cue my sister turning her head like that old meme of the groundhog, and immediately blurting out to my mom what i said. i was expecting hell, but she embraced me. finally, something was right. but god still said it was wrong, and my whole family is Christian. I'm 17 now, ive come out to most of my family. and i know they still love me. but deep down, i know that they think of me as unnatural according to their beliefs. and i have to live with that. and i also have to live not knowing what terrible chapter of my life will come next. so yeah, here i am, in online school, doing 1000x better than i ever have! my life is neutral right now. and I'm content. but one thing is for sure, if god IS real. he is NOT a good god. anyways, thanks for listening to my rant, and i hope your journey continues well!

Submitted February 01, 2021 at 01:51AM by leakytoquito via reddit https://ift.tt/3ovrT2g

[wang-yeon]

Hypnotic| Jungkook 2

You begin to realize that after this process you begin growing an attachment to Jungkook. You began to corrupt that he might hold the same feelings for you, to which he might but is there another longing body getting in the way of this?

part 1

Warning: Smut, possible daddy kink?,usage of weed Jungkook needa get his shit together honestly in this chapter, making a part 3 definitely cause i need to add to this hoe, oh and of course cussing sorry

Genre: Smut, slight angst 

 word count: 8.4K

A/N: To the anon who wanted me to make a part two i finally made it and am sorry it took so long. I know your request went along the liens of him coming to terms with his feelings which he sort of did but  promise in the next chapter he will do just that. Again i deeply apologize

Growing an attachment to something especially when its being another human can be an exhilaration feeling yet a flesh eating one as well. The emotions that come from it leave you a dying hunger for more while it sucks you dry due to what its causing. In this case everything was connecting me to Jungkook. 

Messing around with Jungkook had its perks and i certainly wasn't aiming for this altercation to happen again but due to his charming ways he sucked me in like a cold leach. I had to admire his way of doing so, it was truly hypnotizing how he did it so effortlessly. I had told myself numerous of times that i wouldn't fall for his bullshit yet here laid following after his every need.

I had been attending his football games more, leading to the head board hitting the wall as he gathered every thrust. I had grown an attachment to him and in a way he seemingly did to. He was often around me more than others. He showed a certain amount of care that I had never expected from him. It was reassuring at most but still had the nagging presence of him longing for another body besides mine. Just the simple thought of me thinking this made my stomach churn. I dont know why i felt such way as i promised myself I wouldn't let it escalate this far but I couldn't stay away from his trance, which irritated me to the point of insanity. I had tried to quit more than once as he always came to me with that bunny filled grin and his strong arms as he held me tight chasing away all the thoughts i once had.

The situation didnt help as he had his arms wrapped around me bringing me in close to his chest. My nostrils were filled with the savory aroma of his body only fueling my mind with actives we did last night. That was the only deeds that i would let flow my head. I would stray away from the romance and stay strict to sexual favors as i would only get attached further more. I was already trapped but i didnt want it to seem even more evident then it currently was.

I slightly moved opening an eye attempting to see where my phone had been held. It laid on the dresser as i attempted to move my hand only for Junkook to groan and gulf my whole body into his chest. It was funny how when he was asleep he became so clingy yet when we were outside of the bedroom he had proceeded his tough guy persona. He was at times but not entirely. The more we grew closer the more i felt like we grew in a some what twisted relationship. I couldn't believe i even let those thoughts usher through me but it was surely true.

I had given up on my strength relying on my words as i tried to wake him up.

"Hey, we have to get up. I have practice in a few minutes."

Jungkook held me tighter motioning off my statement groaning.

"I rather be in between your legs than go to practice."

I rolled my eyes but smirking at his sexual behavior. He sure was a teenage adolescent whos dick was uncontrolled. he did this often as he would get any chance to roam his hands upon my body. I surely wasn't complaining but it was not the time to do so as i was already being threatened to be kicked off the team.

"Come on, you have to practice too and i actually attend your football games so you better not suck."

Jungkook frowned as mentioned him not coming to my games. I hadn't known why as it didn't effect me nor him. That was the one big problem I had about the situation was that in some way he would always show a sign of unwanted affection. I knew it was some kind of trap to pull me in further so tend to stay away from it and try not expect to much from him. I tried to maintain myself that way at least. I mentally trained myself to fly past all of his cocky bullshit until it all could come crashing down.

 At times you often give into the forbidden fruit but it sure wasn't worth it however i sometimes couldn't help the flavor that i gained from it.

"I know i told you i was sorry thousands of time."

"Its fine, it doesnt affect me in a positive or negative way. As long as i get shit done ill keep moving."

"ugh i hate when you're like this. Why cant we just stay in bed and fuck, that seems much more appealing."

The idea was certainly appealing but i wasn't willing to risk my soccer studies for him. I hadn't even been very well interested in soccer but it kept my minds off of things and now and days my mind wandered every place. 

I often thought about Jungkook which irritated me and how much i actual put time aside for him as i tried to find myself a better hobby. Being Jungkooks fuck buddy certainly did have its perks and i loved being associated with him in private places but i didn't know if he had others that he shared this place with. I was bound to find out sooner or later.

I twisted myself from Jungkooks grasp making him groan and watch as i gather my things. I had only been sporting my undergarments as i searched for the rest of my belongings. I had a hard time looking for my shirt as we flew things left and right not caring where they would land. i groaned in desperation trying to find the rest of my belongings and Jungkook wasn't helping as he got behind me while i was bent down.

"Baby you know i cant keep my hands off of you when your positioned like this."

I rolled my eyes but still remained as smile at his flirtatious remark. I pushed him away trying to find the items before he pulled me into his chest. He surely was difficult to escape from making it another reason i was so drawn in for i couldn't find a way out. I would complain at times but i always secretly loved it. A very valid reason why i should stay away but as he offered sexual favors i couldn't resist.

"Stop Jungkook, we have to get going im sure were already late."

Jungkook was surely stubborn as he didnt mind a blink to what i say as his hands traveled to my waist. I skimmed the room trying to find my items before my eyes landed on my pants only for Jungkook to grasp my ass and bringing me closer in proximity. I swear this boy couldn't control his dick for a few mere seconds. I loved how attracted he was to me and if we had different circumstances i would definitely join him in his actions. Jungkook still proceeded to continue his actions as his lips traveled to my neck making my eyes flutter and decide to take up on his offer. 

He never had a way with words yet his simple touch had me melting even from the thought. I moaned slightly as he began to grow more aggressive as he smirked in victory at the effect he had on me. My hands danced on his chest while his still Mendel with my ass 

."See princess, doesn't this offer feel much more exciting."

His lips dipped down to my collar bone as my head rolled back. His tongue skimmed across my collar mindlessly leaving small marks that were sure to be visible. I was certainly enjoying the activity between us as i let out a small moan.

"mmmh, Dadd-"

“Jungkook can your horny ass keep your dick in your pants and stop tempting this poor girl. Oh and also daddy? This society really is going to shit."

I jumped slightly away from Jugkook while he stayed still while his room mate Yoongi entered the room uninvited. Yoongi had sometimes managed to walk in on us but still maintained his distance as he knew what would occur from to much closeness. Besides Yoongis awkward timing, he was rather nice at times but still reminded as blunt as he truly is. Yoongi always talked about how Jungkook and I always were over hormonal teens who needed to be disinfected but still kept up with us. Yoongi occasionally asked us about his lyrics and see what they were made of as we were people of constructive criticism. He always appreciated that but couldn't help as things got weird the more i stayed around.

 He was bitter in the beginning as he thought i was a lost groupie only to be found at there house a couple of days of the week. He had gotten use to my presence as i did to his. It still remains strange the more i stay around feeling as if i was out of place but as long as they stay comfortable with the circumstances I must as well

"Sorry Yoongi."

I nodded signifying that I was as well. I grabbed my pants as Jungkook searched for his as well. I was still in search for my shirt before settling on wearing one of Jungkooks. I didnt think anything of it at the time as it was only a clothing item and didnt hold any special meaning. I slide it on while also putting on a jacket over it zipping it up to take pre cations. I wasn't leaving this house without a shirt on so any shirt was find even if its Jungkooks shirt.

"Alright now thats taken care of do any of you need a ride cause your high school is around the corner from my college?"

I jumped up on the offer nodding my head long before Jungkook looked at me as if i had made an awful decision. By the looks of his eyes he wanted to attack me and not in a sexual desire way either. Yoongi picked up on his state as well while he eyed him occasionally looking at me, overall he seemed confused about the situation as was I.

"Um, I'll need a ride Y/N do you mind taking an uber? I just dont want people at school to catch on ya know."

Yeah I did know but i wouldnt expect him to pull something so provocative. It may have seemed bad on my side showing up with the schools fuck boy but rather for him he could have easily showed me off as a latest hook up. Was i really so disgraceful that i couldn't even play this simple part. my eager feelings for him but i couldn't help contort my face at the simple thoughts of his words. 

I couldnt take it all to heart as this was expected but i didnt want to accept the slight pain in my heart due to it. I admitted how he made me feel yet he treated me like absolute shit. He was sweet at times but the flavor switched to a painfully bitter one as time passes.

"You're such a dick."

I couldnt control my state of mind as i was fueled from anger. I was already late for practice meaning extra laps and now Jungkook was fucking with my emotions yet again. Best of all he didnt let my statement affect him as he shook it off and held a bored blank stare. 

I glared daggers at him expecting him to respond only resulting in him in rolling his eyes at my behavior. Yoongi was stuck in the middle of us both eyeing us back and forth awaiting the next move until the silence was enough for him.

"Well could you at least pay for the the girls Uber, have some fucking decency."

We both looked at Yoongi surprised he put his input. He rarely got in the way of our mindless conversations let alone a mini argument. Jungkook sighed and ushered to his wallet looking through it rather slowly. He scratched his head letting out a small groan signifying he didnt have any money or that he simply didnt have the need to give me any. 

I shook my head waving him off telling them i would pay for it. I was far beyond his bullshit and had enough of what it was causing today. Knowing well of myself was sure to fall back into his trap with open arms.

"I dont know if i can do this anymore Tae, the whole thing is draining."

Tae and I had been under the bleachers passing a long needed Joint to one another. I hadn't found a purpose to participate as when arrived I had missed half of the game play. My emotions had also been scattered and I needed to talk them out instead of kicking a ball around.I took a long drag before coughing slightly, taking a deep breath after gathering my thoughts. 

Tae grabbed the joint taking a long puff getting ready for what he was going to say with full forced.

"Y/N, you know i love you but you cant stay away. You're getting to attached to him. You yourself knew from the beginning that this would be a dangerous game and hes playing it to his best efforts."

I rubbed my eyes getting annoyed by the situation and the weed sure as hell wasnt working all to much. I wanted to forget about the pain he was causing me but if i hadn't just gave in i wouldn't have been experiencing this at all. I was to blame for this but that doesn't mean Jungkook was innocent as he was the one inflicting these emotions. I couldn't stay away from his whole being.

Tae was right at times and I tried to deny it but i was growing a liking to him

."My best advice to you wound be to accept what you're feeling wither you tell him that or not. You need to know what you're feeling."

"I know what im feeling not as of now but i know whats gong on. The only thing i i dont know is if their is someone else, my heart wants to just implode at the thought."

Just imagining him with another girl made me feel dirty and used. I hadn't liked the thought of his hands roaming another person, I wanted to be the only one he experienced this with. I was being selfish but when you grow an attachment to another person you wont be able to get those kinds of thoughts out of your head. I was hooked on Jungkook and I hadn't known how to handle it so i turned to my best bet being I hide my emotions for him. That way he wont see the damage hes causing me while will truly know as i feel the pain inside.

"I dont know so naturally i cant answer that however i do know that will hunt her down. If you want we could randomly ambush him and see if hes with another girl?Im free as of know?"

I waved Tae off not taking up on his offer. I hadn't been able to go as far as borderline stalking him to see if he had another interest. There was a part of me that thought of the idea as a good one but it would overall cause more problems. I took the idea as a light hearten joke as i pulled one last puff before dis holding the joint.

"Well whatever you decide to do I’ll support you."

Tae ruffled my hair bringing us in for a hug. He really did make me feel better in stressed moment where i saw no hope. I gave into his hug loving the feeling of his comfort. We pulled away after hearing the coaches whistle signifying practice was over.I straightened myself out as Tae asked if i wanted to grab something to eat to which i declined. 

I had just wanted to go and curl up in my bed watching TV trying to figure out what was going on. Tae nodded on understanding with the confusion clogging my mind.

"Alright well, get some rest remember we have practice tomorrow too."

I nodded and waved after Tae as i made my way to the parking lot. I groaned in realization that I hadn't had a ride as i relayed on an uber.I was left with the choice of doing so again as i mindlessly clicked on the awaiting app and stated my information.I put in my headphones to pass the time hoping it will all pass smoothly. It gives me enough to to rely on my thoughts and what to make of them.

 I hadn't been to aware of what they held but i could feel the power behind his touch and raspy voice making me quiver before him.I was growing a fond feeling for his existence and recognized small things about him. I even recognized his hands as they traced against my waist as he brought us closer in proximity.

 He gently brought his lips closer to my ear letting out a small breathe before saying anything. This action was enough to effect me in the slightest, an emotion i still hadn't known. I was trying to figure out what it was but again i didnt want to know what it was out of fear so instead i focus on his steady voice.

"Hey baby girl."

I turned my body around leaning slightly against him, pressing us together. I had completely let what Tae said slide past my head. Jungkook had been beaded in sweat from his practice making my mind go foggy with sexual themes. He certainly did know how to tempt people maybe even without noticing it and it always seemed to get me in trouble one way or another. 

I had so much anger built up that i didnt care about the consequences as i wanted the feeling to be replaced with another, wither it be a split second or mere hours.

"Hey, daddy."

Jungkook was taken back by my words but licked his lips enjoying the feeling that lingered with my words. He looked around the parking lot as if he was looking at making sure no one was to see his actions that were soon to happen. Jungkook smirked as his hands traveled to my ass giving it a quick squeeze. His nose began to travel against my neck as he intcipated hs next move making me shiver at the thought.

"I think you should finish what we started this morning? Dont you think baby girl?"

I bite my lip at the thought but couldn't help but think if it entirely would be a good idea. It could only fuck about my emotions about him and or anything else even more. Did I really think that this one moment shared between our to bodies would be worth the overly intense feeling to come. 

As of now my body was in control and i was straying away from my mind as it was a mere prisoner under jungkooks control. My body acted as a free willed product not caring about the affect and it not feeling any emotions. It was a good way to Disraeli my feelings as i follow Jungkook to his car to rid of the things in my mind and focus on my body.

I had seated on Jungkook lap on wearing my underwear while Jungkook wore his boxers. We had raced through his house in a minutes notice. We had been attached to each other knocking items we thought as useless down till we reached his bed room. Clothes were being thrown around the room not caring about the destination as we focused on each other mouths. 

 I hadn't always entirely focused on just that aspect of him while we shared moments like this. I forced on his hands and how they raked my body giving areas slight more squeezes and tightness than others. His muscles would often flex once in a while at my small moan or as things intensified.

 His mouth was of course a thing of its own as it held specialty. His lips often traced my collar bone while his tongue slide across my neck leaving bruises he was proud of but my by far favorite was when he combined his tongue and mouth. He would use this to his advantage as he would lap up my juices but also suck playfully on my clit. He held many talents and I did my best to explore each one as it was a new puzzle piece. 

As of now his tongue was battling for dominance with mine. We both knew how it would play out but the teasing made things ever more exciting. His tongue explored every inch of mine as if trying to find secrets lying beneath it. I tried to keep up with him as i did the same only resulting in our tongues to mix together.

 I slowly began grinding on him aiming to take control of the dominance we were both seeking. Jungkook let out a small groan before gripping onto my hips and responded with force. Jungkook was always one for competition, he was a football player overall he took everything as a challenge.

I felt him smirk as we continued planning for his attack. I was intrigued as what it was going to be but couldn't help have a certain amount of nervousness from what was to come from his actions.

 He was unable to read and this trait certainly didn't help as of now. I needed to know what lied next as i would be prepared so i sit there on his lap still following as what we were doing before.I travel my hands to his hair gripping at it tightly. I had grown comfortable taking in his breath and relying on his tongue. 

I felt at peace and wasn't expecting anything Jurassic, however sometimes being to comfortable can cost a price. I felt as Jungkooks hand squeezed my ass bringing me from my state making me gasp as he took full dominance. He smirked into the kiss glad that he finally accomplished his waited goal.

Jungkook quickly flipped us over as i was now underneath him while he eyed me hungrily. The stare put me at a boost of confidence feeling that he needed me now. It always did provide good feelings when you felt needed wither it be sexually or emotional. My body had been set on sexually desire seeking for the exhilaration my body could consume in on take of his touch.

 His mouth latched onto my right nipple circling the bud around in his mouth. I felt my nipple go hard while t was in his savory mouth. He grabbing my other breast as he felt it was being neglected. He often gave it a firm squeeze while he massaged it.I had been a moaning mess all while he was doing so. 

My hands coursed through his hair longing the way they slipped through my fingers yet provided a good comfort. Jungkook hummed as i moaned enjoying the pleasure he was causing me.

 Once in a while he looked up as i met his lust filled eyes. He squinted his as wanting to make eye contact only for me to throw my head back in pure pleasure before he unlatched his mouth causing me to pout.His face inched up to mine, exclaiming my features.

"I think your pretty pussy deserves to be fucked. Dont you princess? You want daddy to fill you up with his cock?"

I nodded my head eagerly at his statement. Just his words were enough to send me into a pool of wetness. I had already been wet when we first arrived in the apartment but as time passed on it only began to intensify. His cock was sure enough to fill my desire and needs of sexual frustration. I took the hint that i was perceived as the same for him, making the time spent welly acquainted.

"Use your mouth baby, I love it when you use it."

"Yes daddy i want you to fill every inch of me with your cock."

Jungkook licked his lips enjoying the sin that rolled off my lips. He slowly took off my panties making sure he took a look at my women hood enjoying the wet state he caused it to be in. He directed his index finger across my wet folds as i shivered and moaned at the feeling he caused. He smirked in success at the deed he caused.

 He always kept a smirk on his face as he always was able to complete these actions to his fullest. He was cocky because he knew what he could do had affects on people in good ways that made him feel empowered. I wouldn't blame Jungkook for this as if I held this i would certainly use it my advantage. I didnt have the affect he did but i had enough for Jungkook to be lusting over me. It wasnt enough to make me full blown cocky but surely fulled my desire. 

I licked my lips as i eyed his hands that traveled to his boxers. I was glad that i semi had the same affect on him, of course his affect was stronger but i still manged for him to want to go through with this.His hands slowly pulled on the helm of his boxers before they pooled at his thighs. He rubbed himself slightly closing his eyes before posing himself. He looked at me with the same lust filled eyes that held eagerness. My eyes most likely read the same as my body reacted to what was to come next. 

I always loved the moment before we actually had sex it was a moment of 'are we really going to do this, again?'. We always managed coming back to each other for the same desired thing and nothing more. It was the same route but not as we held different feelings each time.

 Jungkook slowly directed his cock into my women hood letting out a small groan doing so. I bit my lip not wanting to let out a loud moan as it was to early. I closed my eyes tight concentrating on not moaning, occasionally letting out small noises that didn't amount to anything. I knew Jungkook didn't like when i held back in any situation, so why would this be any different. He wanted me to let it out instead of keeping in as it fueled him to keep going. I could feel his hands dig into my hip and the slight stare in my closed eyes testing my theory. 

I could feel his pace start to slow down as he pressed his chest against mine. His mouth directed itself next to my ear while his fingers traced along my waist line and began growing higher. I knew he had been aiming to tempt me into coming out of my shell and not being afraid of doing so. He licked his lips as the click of his tongue ran across his lower lip signifying he had something he wanted to get off his chest. 

"Its not good to keep it in baby girl, make daddy proud and show him how much you mean to him."

I kept my mouth shut as i felt his hand inch up my abdomen. I had let out shaky breathes feeling his cock slowly rub against my walls as well as his fingers reaching to my breast. Jungkook all while managed to whisper in my ear bringing me to my brink. He knew it was working as i began painting loudly but didnt usher a moan past my lips. Jungkook wasn't one to give up as he certainly loved a challenge as i was providing one before him. He wanted to make me moan and he was putting himself to the test with his best efforts.

His lips nibbled on my neck making its way across my collar bone seeking for love bites. His right hand gabbled my breast giving them the attention they deserved while they perked in his hand. His left hand rested against my waist meeting his slowly long dragged thrust. All of these were reasoning to give in and they seemed reasonable. I couldn't focus on just one as they were all coming at me creating one continuous feeling making me feel the need to release it.

"Ah, fuck."

I had whimpered it under my breath making Jungkook perk up slightly. I felt him laugh against my collar bone at my easy fail. I was weak for his touch and if he hadnt figured that out before he was sure of it. I had been hopeless when it came to him as i experienced things that where no one ever made me feel before. He pushed me to my limits without going to far making me crave for something i had been longing for. Jungkook took the moan as an advantage. His once slow pace soon jolted into a powerful thrust brought out of no where making another moan tremble from my lips. 

He was no longer smirking in victory as he was slightly moaning as well from the sudden change in pace. He licked his lips once more before following the sudden pace. Jungkook met every pace as beads of sweat began to trickle down from his forehead.

 I continued to let out mindless moans embracing the emotions that were coursing through out my body needing to be release.His hands dug into my waist as he used leverage to get a better spot to hit. The room was filled with skin against skin and our moans mixing together in utter euphoria. 

The feeling was overwhelming as i closed my eyes trying to take every emotion in.I had been feeling every sexual desire that was flowing throughout my veins. I felt the lust in my eyes travel around my whole being as if it was being consumed by it.

Jungkook stopped in pace as i opened my eyes to see what the hold up was. He grabbed a hold of my leg attempting a knew position with hungry eyes. I was getting myself ready as i aimed to close my eyes before i heard Jungkook shout in protest at my attempt. I whimpered seeking to close my eyes trying to coop with the feeling taking over my being but seeing Jungkooks lust filled eyes sent me into over drive.His hands gripped onto my thighs as he hit each thrust with aggression. 

My eyes slightly fluttered before Jungkook let out a loud groan signalling for me to open my eyes. Each time i disobeyed him his pace only increase in speed making it ever more difficult to follow his request. I moaned each time he thrust into my core as he followed along. I grabbed a hold of my breast to try and find something to take my mind off of this. 

Jungkook could tell that i was breaking down and having the need to look away making a smirk form on his lips.

"If you look away i wont let you cum baby girl. I wanna see how good i make you feel, can you handle that princess?"

I couldn't rely on my words as i was already struggling to not close my eyes. I simply nodded my head looking into his irises trying to met his request. I wanted to repay him with the thrust he was bolting throughout my core sending me into a fiery blaze. 

Jungkook soon tilted his head back as he was reaching his climax as was. His neck had bulged out as his Adams apple bounced while he was bracing himself for his climax.I let out a loud moan signifying i was reaching my brink as Jungkook barred his face in my neck letting out a long moan.I heard a faint ringing as i reached my climax assuming that i had been over whelmed by the experience.

 I felt dazed as He filled his warmth inside of my walls surrounding every inch of it. We had planned ahead on birth control as it made the whole experience ever more intensifying and by my knowledge we had only been having intercourse with one another.

(Still wrap your dick before you stick!)

Jungkook milked our orgasms letting out a few more thrust before resting against my body. I could feel his breathe tickling against my ear. I heard his faint giggle run across my ear making my heart flutter at the noise. My mind was set back into action after my body had gotten what it longed for. Those lively minutes of fucking my feelings out had been terminated and i was now in control of my mind. 

It had been scrabbled do to the actions that had just occurred. In fact I actually knew what i was feeling but didnt want to bring it to the surface as i didnt want to accept it. Jungkook lifts himself from my body resting his nose against mine and proceeds to look me in the eyes. His once lust filled eyes had turned into something i couldn't read yet was addicted to it no matter the emotion. The eye contact made me realize i hadn't fulfilled my actions but it didn't matter as he didnt need to see with his own eyes how good he made me feel. I was practically waiting for his every move awaiting to see the weight that would be held on me.

 His next move was directed to my lips as i felt him slightly smirk while we deepened the kiss.The light ringing came back to my ears but only grew louder and for a longer period of time. I assumed that it was due to emotions that he was yet again causing me but was drawn out of that as vibrating occurred. 

I slightly pushed Jungkook away trying to find the location of this noise while he looked at me confused, oblivious to the noise. My eyes darted to the phone as his eyes traveled to where mine were glued to. It hadn't been my phone as i didnt hold much friends. Tae wouldn't be calling me as of know as i told him that i didnt want to be bothered and left alone with my thoughts. 

This leaving it to be Jungkooks phone and no one could possibly know who was contacting him. He most likely had hundreds of people listed under his phone making him not even come close to who was calling, However maybe he did. I hadnt known Jungkook as much as i had and maybe the person who was calling did.

"Arent you going to get that?"

Jungkook slightly groan kneeling on the bed moving the side table taking a peak at who had been calling him. He held his phone in his hand as i tried to read his facial expression. For once his facial expression was read able. whoever the person who was behind the phone was able to make him actually expression his emotions, opening up to them not being afraid as he knew them well. His face had been a mixture of joy and annoyance.Most likely annoyed at the timing but none of the less excited that said person decided to give him a proper text. 

He didnt hesitate to type before he stopped turning his head to look at me. His emotions had then been hidden forming a straight line as if nothing had happened. Even with his stone cold poker face i could notice the wheels in his head turn as if making a decision on the spot. He quickly typed and set his phone back down before crawling back next to me.His front had been pressed against my back as steady rubbed my sides in a comforting motion.

 His lips had been traveling along my jaw line making me hum and forget about the previous events. I had been focused on this very moment loving the artificial emotion it was providing. It felt as if he wanted me to be consumed by his entire existence and the passion that it came with. What had been done between us moments ago was sure enough to drag me deeper into his affection and his next words were enough to send me into oblivion.

"You know i care about you right, baby?"

It hadn't been confirmed that he liked me but he certainly did care for me meaning that we were on the road to what i longed for. Hell maybe i was far gone from that reasoning but i had been high on the affection i was feeling that i had been believing anything thrown my way. 

I started believing my own feelings as well, I had cared about him too possibly even more.It scared me how in the beginning i had secluded myself from him and now i had been opening my true feeling up for myself. I had cared for him and i hardly knew if his care was an act or the real thing but i was taking it for as it is. I wanted to believe it was real, so i was going to see it how i wanted to.

"You don care about me?"

I had overthought the whole time that i hadn't had time to say anything in relation to his comment. I already knew the answer to it as it was rather easy but the true question was if really should share what i felt with him.

 I hadnt known that his true emotions held as he never should them off to me, for all i knew he could be laughing in my face due to my answer but never show the true feelings. He held that poker face making things harder on me and my emotions but taking up on Taes advice maybe it would be easier.

 I had just accepted my feelings and maybe i needed to let someone else in on them to make me understand them. It was a really difficult to let it out and maybe he would take it as a light heated joke but i knew it was real and that all the proof i needed"I care about you,Jungkook."

Jungkook hummed against my ear giving my hips a quick squeeze in reassurance. He kissed the shell of my ear in a passionate way making sure he made his care evident. truly did feel cared for under his touch making my heart flutter at the new fond feeling it had been longing for.

"Sleep tight babe I'll see you in the morning."

His body had left mine as he turned around and sleep away from me. My warm body that was engulfed by him soon turned cold longing for his care. I knew it was still there as i he stated it but needed to feel it. He showed it for a few mere seconds yet it was still enough to leave me in a daze. I was under his control and i wasnt capable of my actions that it sent me into a trilling yet terrifying daze. I was slowly finding out that i was falling for him but i couldn't see if his arms were open wide to catch me.I had tossed around finally waking up as my alarm clock rang off.

 I had woken up thirty minutes prier than what i was supposed to walk up around. I was surprisingly getting more serious about my soccer practice which slightly scared me as i didnt put much dedication to anything. I turned my body around with my eyes still closed feeling around for my phone to hit the alarm before i gave up on my strategy and asked Jungkook for his assistance.

"Jungkook, can you please turn the alarm off?"

I waited for him to do so only as it continued to ring off. I sighed taking that he was still asleep before i finally grabbed a hold of my phone. I turned it off with a sigh asking myself if getting up was worth it while staying in bed seemed like the perfect alternative, but me being the good person am decided to get the job done. Firstly starting off with why Jungkook didn't have the decency to turn the alarm off.

"Jungkook you could have easily turned off the alarm. I swear you better be asleep or im gonna be your-"

I turned around on the other side of the bed as i wasnt greeted with his reassurance but rather an empty bed. I huffed out as i was talking to myself the entire time making me feel slightly dumb, However i was more worried about where Jungkook had went off to. I couldnt worry to much as he couldn't have gone anywhere to drastic perhaps he went to football practice early. 

Jungkook always valued how well he played as he wanted to be the best, so my mind automatically drifted to so. I had no time to worry as today was set about me and how well i was going to preform meaning i needed maximum energy.I made my way into the kitchen and proceed to make coffee before sitting on the coffee table checking my text massages between me and Taehyung. I mindless texted him about practice and other things in our life before the closing of a door brought me from my thoughts.

 My attention was brought to a sleepy Yoongi who was sported in his boxers and messy bed head. He hadn't spotted me yet so i decided to make the frst move.

"Morning, Yoongi i made some extra coffee. I know youre most likey tired from all the musical writing last night so have some."

Yoongi slightly jumped at my being still being fresh out of sleep and processing things. He seemed weirded out that i had been here this morning without a care. He still manged to grab a cup of coffee and accept things as it s as he sat at the table with me. I sipped on my coffee along with him as i set down my phone wanting to indulge in a slight conversation.

"So how is the music coming along?"

Yoongi looked up slightly in confusion that i actually was willing to make this situation seem some what normal. I didnt know why had been in such a great move, possibly due to last night and my dedication to my soccer as it would befit me. I was actually dong something good for myself and i couldn't help but feel good, along with an extra boost from Jungkook. I had just wanted to share it with Yoongi as he was the only one here

"Um good, just a few bugs here and there but nothing but a little fix."

I nodded my head with an encouraging smile before sipping on my coffee looking around. I felt Yoongis eyes on me but decided not to look into them as i was afraid what he might say. Maybe i had been acting slightly weird but i couldn't help it as i as in such a good mood and i didnt wan this judgement to ruin so.

"Hey um, Why are you so nice?"

"Uh i dont know. I guess i just have stuff to look forward to."

I had been confused by his sudden question. It certainly was an odd question to ask someone but i was still intrigued by his question as what it held. Did he have a reasoning behind his madness or was there no secret to hold. Was he just asking this to get underneath my skin to make me annoyed or did he want to tell me something lurking underneath his skin.

"Sometimes people take advantage of that. Youre a kind girl and even though i dont know you well enough i know you dont deserve this." Yoongi had always been one to not express his emotions, in ways he was like Jungkook but he wasnt. Yoongi never messed with other peoples feelings always telling them how it is while Jungkook snuk his way into the situation even if you wanted it or not. Yoongi never cared about any of that as he never snuk into things, if you didnt like him he didnt like you. He was blunt and honest and as of right now i wanted him to be as blunt as possible and tell me what was going on."Yoongi what are you getting at?""Jungkook. Hes been seeing another girl."He had said it slowly enough for me to process it yet i didnt even want to process such thing. He had just told me. I was such a fool for Jungkook that it had all became a blur to my enter view on the world. Jungkook had just spoored out what  thought were his feelings to me last night but they were all proceeded as lies

."When you arent here she is. shes taking up the place that you once filled."

It had been harsh but Yoongi was always blunt and this was one of the situations he had used it to his advantage. I had been grateful he was able to actually sit down and tell me what was going on under my nose but was always bitter about it. I hadnt that i knew this was going to happen but i continued to let it pass with a blind eye. I was a idiotic fool for Jungkook letting him slide with every slippery move. All the lies he commenced and the disbelief i once feed myself with were all apart of my sick imagination. 

Of course Jungkook wouldn't be able to fall for someone like me as we were in a way different but then again we werent. We shared the same sex drive but viewed it different. Mine led up to a romantic field while his was strictly this or that. I hadnt managed to usher a word as I was alone with my thoughts. Yoongi still eyed me hoping for a response as the news wasn't something to be taken lightly. It was something that was deeper than what he cold muster, especially when the whole problem stemmed from my doing.

 I was the one that accepted his offer and feed into it. I couldn't blame anyone but myself and i needed to get that off of my chest.I opened my mouth to respond to what Yoongi had said before the door opened reviling Jungkook himself. He hadn't noticed that we were seated at first as he held a small smile on his face and closed the door lightly. Jungkook seemed as if he didn't have a worry in the world as he closed that door probably, as if he had completed a longing accomplishment. 

The victory soon drowned out to a misery as he was faced with us unexpectedly. His facial expression changed quickly as he viewed us, attempting his emotions which were displayed fairly well. It was to late as i had caught him in the act. I didnt want to come to my senses but i knew that i could no longer sit back and act as if i knew nothing was happening. I had a feeling his hands roamed another body but didn't want to come to terms of being replaced. I was no longer valuable to him anymore but what was valuable was time. 

He arrived exactly three minutes before the time i was originally supposed to wake up for practice, this giving him enough time to get situated and sneak in playing off anything that has occurred. This didnt happen overall as he planed, he was caught but playing it off. His charm still stayed along with his bunny smile making me want to forget every wrong act he had made and justify it as a early morning football practice. 

I knew it wasn't but a part of me wanted to believe it was he waltzed into the kitchen with a worry. He was oddly calm making the situation awkward while me and Yoongi were aware of what he was doing to me without my knowledge. Now I knew and i couldn't stop letting the thoughts get to me so, i consumed them and took them in believing them.I wasn't going to let him step over me and if straying away from him was what it took i was going to follow through with it.

 Jungkook had offered me a ride to which i didnt dismiss as it was simply a ride. I stood up looking around the house as it would be my last trip before my disappearance. There would be no way i could show myself in the house again as i knew that other bodies laid here with Jungkook. I could sense that Yoongi felt the same for me as he stood up from the table watching me leave. 

Jungkook exited first as I followed after closing the door slightly before Yoongi stated once more before my dismissal.

"See you later."

He knew i wouldn't. This term was was sometimes used when you would depart a dear friend but would later reunite in the end of circumstances.  Yoongi and I had neither been friends nor would we see each other again as the information i had revived made thing clear on my own path. 

I had been grateful for what Yoongi had informed me on but always managed to gain pain from it. No matter the pain i hope it will turn into a strength giving me the power to walk away from him. I couldn't however as everything remained me of him so  I would have to managed to cut things that once or still do belong to Jungkook out that including Yoongi. He seemed nice and caring but i never got to sit down and have a civil conversation that didnt rely on Jungkook and now i certainly cant have this be fulfilled. 

I would also lose a tiny bit of myself as i grew attached to him. I was losing important aspects of myself to some fuck boy i didn't give a shit about eight months ago and now i was giving things up for his useless soul. I was trapped in his charm and I was working on an escape route. 

It would be a longing plan that would take getting used to but it would surely be taken into action. His once cold hands that grazed against my thigh sent a warmness throughout my heart but as of know his cold hands were all but they were.

Cold hands that sent a ever longing shiver in my icy heart that he was responsible for.