#imagine how many different games that dm would have to plan for

[oifaaa]

DC ttrpg au where the reason why the bats keeping showing up in other heroes cities is bc their own group keeps imploding due to infighting so they just invite themselves to the dms other sessions with different groups

[eliciana]

Reverse SAGAU: The Weird Door At My Café

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2(here) | Chapter 3 | ...

Masterlist

Blog Navigation

____________________________________

Tw: Reverse!Isekai!Sagau, Normal Au, Café Au, a bit of cussing like this bit 🤏.

Reader: Gn!Reader, Adult!Reader, Café Owner!Reader

Characters: Reader, Paimon, Traveler

Note: Restaurant to Another World animanga inspired au. You can slide into my dms if you ever want to be tagged in my works just tell me what series you want to be tagged in or all of them. thank you <3. Also, I may say that the characters other than the reader may be a bit OOC cause it's been a long time since I played genshin and I'm just finishing all of my works with my knowledge left from playing the game. So sorry about it 🙏🙏.

____________________________________

You stood, motionless, your eyes fixed in disbelief upon the distant scene before you. As the wind cut through the air, a shiver ran down your spine, leaving goosebumps in its wake. The purity of the air surrounded you, carrying with it an intoxicating scent that smelled pure. The warm touch of the sun's rays caressing your skin affirmed that this experience couldn't possibly be a figment of your imagination. A fleeting thought of doubt crept in, but you quickly dismissed it; after all, you had never dabbled in any kind of drugs. This moment, as unbelievable as it seems, had to be undeniably real.

With careful fingers, you gently retrieved your fallen shoe/heel/slipper from the bed of plush, emerald-green grass. As you slipped it back onto your foot, your eyes instinctively wandered upward, transfixed by the expansive stretch of blue sky above you. It was quite unlike the very bright pixelated one you see on your screen. Everything that you see within the door was real and not a nightmare.

____________________________________

After composing yourself, you went inside your cafe, close the door, drag a chair nearest to the door, took a seat on the chair you placed infront of the door, and contemplated life. A deep heavy sigh got out your mouth as you continue looking the the strange thing infront of you. "What now? What do I do? Should I just lock it?" you asked yourself and looked at the door. Welp, well, there goes your master plan. Suprise suprise there's no keyhole and having a key would not make any difference. "Ugh."

You sat up and opened the door again, only to be baffled to see a different scenery other than the distant City of Mondstadt. The door was now currently in the Liyue Harbor. You closed the door and opened it again, you were now in Inazuma. Close, open, and now in Sumeru. Once again, you are now in Fontaine.

"Yeah bye." you closed the door again and returned the chair from where it once was. Contemplating what you should do next, your feet carried you around the whole café. You went to the counter and decided to make yourself something to help with calming yourself first in order to think clearly. It was a good thing that you had brought all of the materials and ingredients you needed in the café because you had thought of opening the café tomorrow. But with how things are now, you don't know what to do.

Teyvat is filled with many dangerous beings such as hilichurls, slimes, etc. You are but a normal human being with no experience in fighting and fighting your baby cousins was not enough of an experience to be able to fight toe to toe with monsters you have only seen through a screen. Yes, a gun would probably best to use but you don't have a permit for that and you don't want to be in jail when you have just barely open your dream café. But nobody had to know, right? What if-

A deep sigh fell from your lips once again. The stress is really getting in to you, huh? The bitter/sweet aroma of (coffee/tea/juice) filled your sense of smell. You were making your favorite, (your choice of coffee/tea/juice). After some time of finishing your drink, you took it along with a (pastry of your choice) that you had in your car, in which you had thought of eating to celebrate the opening, and sat in a chair facing the door. Taking your time in eating/drinking, many thoughts come and go in your head to solve the predicament you are in now. You had even thought of postponing the opening of the café until you had thought of a way on what to do with the door.

Of course you read the fanfics circulating all around the genshin fandom and one of the those that you have read was SAGAU where you might be the imposter or the creator of teyvat or you become a villain or anything in between. The most common of them was being an imposter. What if you were to become the said imposter if one day a person will open the door to your café? What if they kill you? What if-

*creak......*

Your rambling came to a stop as you looked at the door horrified. Oh no no no no no no NO NO NO! YOU JINXED YOURSELF DIDN'T YOU?! THIS DAMNED FATE-

'Oh dear God, Buddha, Allah, Deities, whoever higher being there is, pls help me...' you thought as you clasp your hands, praying to higher beings. Before you could even feel it, tears cascaded down you face to the table. "I'm nOt ReAdy tO dIE yeT... Ughhhhhhhh" you sobbed into your hands loudly like a child lost in a mall.

"Hello?" a person peaked from behind the door.

Fuck.

____________________________________

The Traveler, along with Paimon, was doing their daily quests until they saw something shining in the far distance. Their curiousity made them want to investigate it.

"Hm. Why is a door in the middle of the forest with no support or whatsoever?" Paimon mumbled as the door came into their view. The Traveler also had the same thought.

"Is it perhaps a magic door of some kind? I think w-"

*creak*

The Traveler stopped speaking as the door opened but from where they are right now, they couldn't see who opened the door and couldn't get to ask since the door closed with a loud bang when they were going to get closer.

"Well... that was something..." Paimon looked at the Traveler. "Traveler? What's wrong? BREATHE! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE AT THIS RATE!" Paimon brought tons of fried egg out of the Traveler's bag and smacked it into the Traveler's mouth and forced them to chew the egg.

After confirming the Traveler is back into top condition, Paimon asked them what the hell happened to them.

"I-I don't know. I suddenly felt something when whoever opened that door and the air around me became heavy that it became hard to breathe..." The Traveler shooked their head gently and sighed. "I also felt something strange. The energy of whoever is beyond that door, excluded an aura that is very familiar to me, but I don't know who or what it is."

"Hm. Paimon thinks that we should open that door and see whoever that and see if they truly are familiar to you or maybe perhaps this connection that you feel is related to your sibling!" Paimon twirled around the air, exaggerating her words with her actions.

For once, Traveler thought it was a good idea at first but there is also a flaw in that idea. A flaw that might cause their life if whoever is beyond that door is hostile and will kill them. It is better to be cautious then to be 6ft underground before finding their sibling.

_________________________________________

Taglist:

@udretlnea

[muffant]

I got an adorable idea!

What if the animatronics in security breach played D&D! Now I'm not talking about the characters inside a fantasy realm I'm thinking what if a person left a players hand book at the pizza Plex and the gang devoured that shit up!

Id like to think Freddy would be a support roll, more the type to help the party indirectly. He feels like the most inclined to spell casting. Id put him as the type to do Wizard, Cleric, Paladin, or even Druid! Id say hed likely stick to the races in the players hand book, probably a human main. He's very into playing a character, even if that character is the same sweet person each time.

Chica is your major roleplay player, she would be all about getting into the mind of her character and really selling it. She plays any race, and class, and often is the one to pick her class race combo last so she has something to go off of, as a challenge. When she does choose you know my girl is Bard all the way. She's also the only one to actually read the history of the races and really get into the D&d lore.

Roxy likes playing a modified monk, (in fact as a over all rule they play with a lot of table rules!) or a rogue, she usually doesnt pick any other class, as well as loving being an elf. She's a little less on the roleplay side (but can't help but bounce off of the others when needed) she's more of a combat centric player. She loves winning encounters, loving puzzles, anything. She's likely to be the one min maxing her character. Which has lead to some fun experiences when Chica asks about how she became a Cleric, Paladin, Druid multi class.

Monty is exclusively a fighter dragonborn. He loves being allowed to smash shit up and have no *real* repercussions. However he's not actually combat driven, he's a roleplay player similar to Chica, only he expresses he can make 101 characters with out needing to change the mechanics of said character. It's scary how calm Monty can be when he's in the role. (Said calmness started to carry over to work life too!) That doesn't stop a burst or two which thankfully only results in a pouty gator. Monty loves exploring the worlds, it's his favourite thing. To picture landscapes and worlds completely different from his own. And then be able to interact with those worlds.

Sun and Moon are the DMs! Sun is a story focused DM, he loves crafting a narrative, playing NPCs, and developing the world's of his story. He's the one usually in the spot light for a majority of the time. The rest of the time is Moon. Moon is a challenge focus dm. He loves crafting riddles, puzzles, combats, and difficult choices at the party. When ever it's moons turn to take over the table all the lights go out and dark red ambient lighting fills the room. Moons challenges are to be feared as Moon takes death in the game as a real and possible thing. While Sun tries to avoid it happening all together. Funnily enough Moon doesn't like improf, he has his encounters planned almost to the T, including alternative paths the party takes, INCLUDING DEATH OUTCOMES. He is meticulous. Sun on the other hand has a half ass idea of what the session will be about related to the over arching story, have a few bullet points of required information, a few bullet points of optional information and just goes from there. He has a party who eagerly love to make their own decisions and discuss where to go and what to do.

I like to imagine that while one is running the work for the day, the other is planning out their portion of the session, always able to communicate and keep track of details together. While Sun is playing Moon is taking notes, more for himself really.

They play once a week on Sundays, seeing as that's their only day off. They play 6 hour sessions usually and go on many tangents. But they enjoy playing so much, after all its the closest thing they get to freedom.

Edit: I FORGOT DJ!!! Of course he would be allowed to play!! And the little DJ dudes too idk what their called. DJ seems like the kind of player to sit back and watch everything happen, communication is a bit hard but he's still included. I think he would play a bard (very classic) just so he could have an excuse to play sound boards during the game. Speaking of which they definitely play games in the west arcade, with DJ helping set the ambience with music and sound effects. I like to think he secretly downloaded files like leaves russling to add to it. DJ likes to work on theme songs for each character. He simply enjoys being included even if it's limited.

[lunabug2004]

My Amateur Attempt at a Mike Wheeler Analysis (S1, E1):

WARNING: This is a very Mike-defensive analysis! I will be (over)analyzing every Mike scene, episode by episode, but if you’re looking for completely unbiased analyses, this is not where you’ll find them! He is one of my favorite TV characters of all time and I’m sick of all the hate, so I wanted to just put my view of him up somewhere. Also, I ship both Mileven and Byler, but I prefer Byler quite a bit more, so this will mainly be Byler-focused, and I will touch on some of Mike’s queer-coding as well.

Season 1, Episode 1:

Mike is playing DnD with Will, Dustin, and Lucas, acting as the DM. This is an early testament to his intelligence and imagination, as well as his role of leader in the party. When Mike is told to stop playing, he argues with his mom, showing his stubbornness and dedication to the game (and the campaign he took 2 weeks to plan). Then, he sees off his friends, making sure they all leave safely. I love this detail, as it shows how much he cares for his friends at such a young age (I mean, how many 11/12 year olds do you know who would do that?). Thanks to the conversation the boys have about Nancy as they are leaving, we also learn that he and Nancy used to have an okay sibling-relationship, but that hasn’t been the case since at least 4 years ago. As Will is leaving, he tells Mike the truth about the dice-roll, “It was a seven,” and I know this is a little detail, but I like that we can see that Will does not want to lie to Mike, maybe a hint towards how different their relationship/friendship is.

When we next see Mike, it is at breakfast the next morning, and he is putting syrup on his eggs, which grosses out Nancy, and he does the typical younger-sibling move of putting syrup on her eggs too just to annoy her. This same morning, when the boys (minus Will, obv) show up at school and Will is not there, Mike makes a worried comment about it, but the other two boys don’t seem as worried. Then they get intercepted by their bullies, being called “Frog-face”, “Midnight”, and “Toothless”, and after Dustin is targeted by the bullies, Mike tries to comfort him by saying his disability is like he has superpowers. This shows his love for Dustin through his want to defend him, even if it’s not defending him to the bullies’ faces, rather defending him from his own insecurities. This showcasing of Mike’s love comes back into play multiple times throughout the season. I’d also like to point out that Mike decided at a young age to surround himself with “freaks” (Lucas because of his race, Dustin because of his disability, and Will because of his queer traits) despite being relatively normal himself. Now, this might just be because he was originally supposed to have a birthmark on his face and that was supposed to be his “freak-ish” trait, or that he just didn’t realize he was doing this because he obviously doesn’t see these things as bad, but I thought it was still interesting to point out.

When Mr. Clarke shows the boys the radio after class, we learn that Mike is the president of the AV club, then they are taken to talk with Hopper about Will’s case. Mike takes the lead in answering Hop’s questions, now this may just be because Hop calls on him specifically, but I’d like to think it’s also a way to show Mike as the leader of the group. He is the one to bring up helping look for Will, and we can see how serious he is about this because when he is denied this, and Dustin and Lucas start bickering, Mike looks completely annoyed. 

He doesn’t give up on this want to help look for Will either, as we see him arguing with Karen about the same thing during dinner, and he still looks extremely annoyed and worried when denied again. When Nancy blames “Will getting lost” for not being able to leave the house, Mike immediately gets very defensive of Will, and outs Nancy’s new relationship with Steve. He looks very proud of himself after this until Ted speaks up with “You see what happens?”, which causes Mike to get defensive all over again, this time exclaiming that he’s the only one who cares about Will, then storming off from the dinner table. Now, I want to touch on Ted’s comment here, because really what other than Will’s “queerness” could he be commenting on here? And this shows us, 1) what type of views Mike’s grown up around, and 2) that Ted must believe there is a chance that Mike shares the same “queerness” as Will. After storming off, Mike goes to the basement, then seemingly after some time staring at the DnD board, he contacts Lucas about going to find Will despite being told not to so many times. By doing this, he directly puts himself and the others in danger, and we know he’s aware of this due to how he convinced Lucas to join him.

We see Mike leave the house, and after joining with the boys, even when it starts to rain, Mike is the most determined to keep going into the woods to search. He’s also very obviously being the leader of the group at this time, making sure to tell the other two to keep close and stay on the same radio channel just in case. When they are walking deeper into the woods, we see Mike in the middle and at the front, then he’s also the first to hear the rustling of the leaves, so he gets the boys to shut up. Then they find Eleven!

There's my episode 1 deep dive! If anyone finds anything explicitly wrong, or wants to add anything, please let me know! Also, if you're interested in me doing more, please tell me, because this is completely self-indulgent, but if others enjoy it I will try even harder! Also, I am completely new to Tumblr, so pls be nice

[raviollies]

Hey! I love what you've done to characters and Lorelei is now living in my head rent free! Raha and Blythe are amazing and adorable!

It's very inspiring the way you keep yourself together even when everything falls apart! Keep it up!

If my question is annoying or if it bothers you, you may not answer on it.

Originally I followed you when I saw your Ireena and Blythe art. It amazed me how much both of them and Ireena in particular got fleshed out!

In my dnd game and tbh in many other games, players don't get invested in Ireena's journey, they don't fall for her and don't care for her sadly. That's why many DM's usually replace her with a player character, in order to raise the stakes. In half a year I will be running a new cos game, for the group of three and I am honestly considering to replace Ireena with the PC, but don't really want to (especially fearing how the game might go, if the player will turn into strahd-simp).

Could you please describe Ireena's character in your game? Perhaps her bonds and flaws? So other DM's and I can do a better job of her portrayal!

Thank you for the kind words! Here is an updated Lorelai WIP for your to pay rent

(and Blythe and Raha are very married yes)

So rather than referencing my game, as I am not the DM, I will provide my own suggestions as I was planning on running CoS as well. Spoilers for the campaign

I will also suggest against a Tatyana PC. Everyone is very much free to write and interpret the character however they want but to me it is very important that the Tatyana reincarnation does not want Strahd. In fact I would remove the interaction with Sergei too. Having her instantly forget herself as this new person in favour of Tatyana erases the entire point and kind of proves Strahd right in him refusing to see Ireena as her own person.

The way I would approach Ireena; she is her own person. She grew up with her family that wasn't Tatyana's. She lived a life that wasn't Tatyana's. She's met different people. It doesn't MATTER if she's a reincarnation of someone else, after all everyone in Barovia is a reincarnation of someone else. It's very important to establish that the main crux of the issue is that Strahd does NOT see her as Ireena, but Tatyana. He does not know Ireena. He only knows Tatyana. I would even have him call her that rather than "Ireena".

Ireena's story would be one of becoming independent and confident in her identity. To no longer be just Ismark's sister, Burgomaster's daughter, Tatyana's reaction, Evil's bride --- she is Ireena Kolyana. Nothing more, nothing less. I would start her off as unsure of herself, and being hesitant to take up space and over the course of the story become more confident in standing up for herself, with an eventual climax of expressing extremely clearly to Strahd that she is not Tatyana. She never was. He doesn't know her. That that person is gone, and she will never be back. He can chain her, do whatever but that will never make her Tatyana nor will it make her love him or know him. She is a woman who is constantly assigned identities by other's, but she want's to just be Ireena, she wants to do her hobbies, decide on where she wants to go, what books to read, what food to eat.

The relationship between Strahd and Tatyana is irrelevant. It could have been real, or a figment of his imagination, but the point is that...she is gone. If he had a soul of someone else, would it be fair for them to lay claim to him?

As for personality wise ; I would write her as sheepish at first, she is someone taking their first steps into adulthood in a way, outside the comfort of their home, their village. She should be curious and wonderstruck, curious and wishing to explore every nook and cranny. Because of that she would be unfortunately naïve to the problems that arise in bigger cities as Vallaki. A village and a town are very different - a big thing she's be stupefied by how impersonal everyone is. Rural villages often have people knowing everyone, it's commonplace to help your neighbor because you KNOW them. Vallaki is different...people go about their day and do not care, after all there is so many people. You physically can't know everyone.

She is down to earth and finds camaraderie with someone simpler than a noble, providing practical suggestions and being very handy with most tools and identifying local flora. On a flipside, I would say she struggles when dealing in very formal settings where it's less about honesty and more about saying a lie by omission to get what you want. When interacting with Vargas or Lady Wachter, she's visibly uncomfortable and stumbles over her words; they speak in such a way to purposely confuse her, like a lawyer would. Not only that but she most likely would refuse to do anything morally questionable, her heart is very pure!

So in all, a kind hearted, down to earth little lady who values honesty, hard work, and family but is naïve, stubborn and socially awkward. She will support and protect the party, even to her detriment but she will not stand with them to commit Crimes (so RIP if your party is murder hobos)

[talenlee]

3e: Objection to Formula

When I started on this article, the plan was to talk to you about the magic item system in D&D 3rd edition, and let’s put a pin in the word ‘system’ there. But engaging with it meant looking at a place in history and a realisation of how I’m not just talking about stuff from an earlier edition of D&D I’m talking to you about an earlier version of myself.

As long as there has been an online, it seems, I have wanted to make things and put them on there.

In 3rd edition D&D, the game presented magical items as a major way your characters got better. This was so important that a level 20 character buck naked and a level 10 character fully and properly geared could be reasonably comparable threats and capable of handling similar things. Even a wizard, one of the more powerful buck-ass naked characters could benefit immensely from their budget being spent on stuff, like good and convenient spellbooks and more spells and the time to scribe them into your spellbook. Gear was so important to the game’s math that many early character options were just embarrassing ‘armour, but a little bit better’ and ‘weapons, but a little bit better.’

This presents us with Gear Complaint #1: Gear is too powerful and important.

Hold on, this gets weird.

Now I am somewhat poisoned by 4th edition and its wildly different gear system, but 3e’s items had some real problems. For a start, the typical item was only to be imagined as something looted from an opponent, which meant any given enemy had to have items comparable to yours. This created a lot of economic inflation pretty fast – when you were at a level when you could swing +3 swords, most enemies would have +1 swords to keep up with you, and that meant that every mook was holding a few grand in just their gear, which meant it was worth your time to strip them down for parts but also, because the items were just +1 swords, they weren’t interesting, they were never going to do anything or be better than your +3 sword, which in turn just meant you wound up travelling between encounters with a sack full of unused, bloodstained equipment from whatever you fought last.

Okay, that means complaint #2: Gear is boring.

And then in the hatrick triplicate of this, because everything has gear, magic items that did interesting things had a pricing structure, in the rulebook, with formulas, so that if you wanted to, you could create custom magical items that, provided they followed very specific rules, could achieve weird and seemingly overpowered effects, because this entirely unseeing system worked by looking at the spell system. You could have permanent, ongoing magical effects of spells, if you paid the right price for them. You could have items that cast a spell a certain number of times a day, if you paid the right price for them. You could have items that represented a host of small, minor, niche application spells, if you paid the price for them.

Which means we get to complaint #3: Gear is so complex it rewards character calculus.

I’ve talked about character calculus before. It’s not actually calculus, it’s much more like citations, where you take all the ‘legal’ books and crossreference all the referential material to make a case to your DM that this feat and this feat and this feat and this spell all interact with the same part of the system and therefore I can do this thing that’s probably broken. After all, you’re not doing anything as powerful as the Wizard is, so what’s the harm? It’s one of the most rewarding things you can do in 3e D&D, of finding the way all these puzzlebox pieces can slot together, where no level is wasted or inferior to another, better chosen level of class or prestige class, where no feat is being used where a niche improved variation works, and where every piece of gear is spending the character budget down to the last few gold coins.

Where the spell’s effect was directly comparable to some other combat effect – bonus damage or bonus to hit or bonus armour class – that could be priced per those effects. Thing is there were a lot of things you could do with a spell that were hard to price like that. Even just some annoying things were really powerful to have on things like an on-hit weapon attack. A level 1 Command spell only added 2,000 GP to the price of a sword, but if you’re attacking with it three times, that’s three chances for your enemy to roll a natural 1 and hit the deck. Some spells designed to resist specific negative effects like mind control were very low level, and therefore could just be jammed on magical items for a small increase in budget.

I can’t get over this; There were tables. There were tables for doing math on this stuff. You could reduce prices by adding ‘curse’ effects, by percentages. A use-activated 3/day stick of Knock costs something like 1,800 GP, which is to say, a pittance for a mid-level adventurer, and it completely makes a joke out of any lockpicking skill any given rogue has developed. It isn’t just that wizards displace Rogues, they can displace rogues in parties they don’t even join.

Anyway, fun system to dick around with. Lots of numbers. If you bother to read every spellbook and look for every unique magical effect or every possible use of a summon you could have a lot of fun just… making things.

And I did.

Back in the day on USENET, which was kind of like a forum with very little central control or moderation but which was also mostly only for text-only gigadorks who liked to argue about which Babylon 5 episode was the second best, and that included the showrunner, I posted for … a while? A weekly set of magic items. I would come up with a central theme, I would do the math on how they should exist, I would write a little blurb and I posted them on to Usenet.

I got told by people – many people older than me – that these items were good.

I went to look for these articles. The articles that I drew pictures for, and included links to the pictures, in the USENET posts. The articles that were written before I had a blog, and for an audience thrown out into a general space for anyone who wanted them to see.

It’s very strange to see a website timestamp a post you know you read, at the time, with ’20 years ago.’

D&D 5e is being rolled up and updated. There is a new edition war looming on the horizon; either this edition revision just becomes an accepted blip or the game fractures again, as it did around 3.0, 3.5, 4, and 5. And there are signs throughout our literal history of the places I have been, in the strata of this hobby like tree rings.

I miss USENET a lot. I miss knowing there was a place I could put anything I wanted and maybe someone would see it, and, probably, call me an idiot if it wasn’t very good. But that newsgroup, the D&D newsgroup, was a shockingly civil, pro-creative place that didn’t tell me to stop bothering or yell at me about my magic items with their lore. Some recommendations were made about power level, some arguments about whether I was justifying my math right.

But I-

I’ve always been doing this.

I have never not been posting, I guess.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[nojey]

reminiscing (fans 2)

dreamwastaken x streamer!reader

genre: angst pronouns: they / them word count: 2.1k warning(s): failed relationship, cursing

fans (part 1)

synopsis: after taking 6 months off from social media, you finally explain to your fans why you took so long and why you needed it.

go live. *click*

you watched as your chat strolled in and viewer count go up. your computer screen illuminating your face in the dark room as your webcam caught the nervous look. you were shaking your leg up and down, a habit you caught whenever you tried to calm yourself down. 

“hi everyone, it’s been a while since my last stream, huh?” you dryly chuckled. “it’s been about.. 6 months since i last streamed and at this point i think i’ve taken enough time to correctly word how i’m going to tell everyone why i decided to take a break from streaming.” you said looking down at the ground and fiddling with your fingers.

“uh, donation notifications will be off for this stream and chat will be on emotes only because i really just want to focus on getting this out. but if you plan on donating, thank you so much, really, it means the world to me.” you said finally looking at your webcam and smiling a bit. you read a chat and answer, “yes, i’m doing okay. i just have a big announcement i want to say after i tell you guys why i took a break.”

you took a deep breath in and started. “ over a year ago, almost 2, i met this guy through a friend and we started talking. it was very little at the beginning but as little as it was, his texts always made me smile.” you scratched the back of your neck. “and as time went on, we started talking more and more and he just became part of my daily routine. when i woke up i’d see a good morning text from him, we’d spend most of our day being on the phone with each other, i was even on facetime with him most of my streams but i had an airpod under my headset so you couldn’t really see it, i almost always fell asleep on facetime with him. i really fell for this guy.” you fondly smiled, looking at your desk, where your phone used to be propped up and you would see clays face just looking at you.

“then we started streaming together. ‘omg he’s a streamer too’ yeah, and a lot of you probably know who i’m talking about at this point but i still won’t disclose who it is. i uh, got a lot of messages from you guys telling me that i looked super happy that stream and i was. i was always happy when i talked to him. but along with those messages i also got a lot of hate, telling me to stay away from him. it didn’t really bother me because i always get hate when i stream with my guy friends; i was used to it.” you said, taking a sip from your water then wiping the side of your eye as it teared up. 

“and today... i’ll be going on the dream smp! with the man himself, dream. dream, say hi now.” you introduced, you waited a few seconds but was only met with silence. you grabbed your phone and sent him a voice message, “clay! you’re on deafen! introduce yourself!” you screamed into your phone. dream then took himself off deafen and said. “hi (y/s/n)’s chat! i’m dream, i’ll be showing (y/n) around the smp today and we’re gonna get started on their house.” you smiled fondly when you heard him speak. “yeah! what dream said!” 

so you both logged into the dream smp, said hi to sapnap, and dream gave you a tour. you then started building your house in a forest, quite far from everyone else, “i don’t want anyone bothering you or ruining your house when you’re not on.” he explained. you told dream you wanted to build a cottage so if anyone does end up stumbling upon it, it looks welcoming to them. so dream started building your house for you even though you insisted you do it together. “dream! let me help, this is supposed to be my house.” you dragged. “well we can both decorate inside and make it our house.” you started blushing. “i guess..” you mumbled. you then started adventuring out to look for flowers and some things to decorate the house with.

you started placing flowers down into flower pots when you noticed something. “dream there’s only one bedroom.” you mentioned. he slowly turned around to look at you and quickly turned back and placed two beds next to each other. “this is our room, dumbass.”

later that night you checked your twitter dms and saw many people telling you to stop talking to dream and that you weren’t good enough to even know him. you sighed and powered down your phone.

“i think a few weeks after that he asked me if i could fly out to him and we’d meet in person. i was so excited i immediately started packing and i met him. it was amazing! i got to meet the guy i’ve been in love with for the past few months. i think it may have been a year already. but yeah, i finally got to meet him and being in his arms was the best feeling in the world, i felt so safe being with him.”

“it was the day after that, when he asked me on a date and i, of course, said yes. like who would say no to the person they fell in love with... so we went on a date and at the end of it we were just sitting on top of the hood of the car, eating dinner, watching the sunset and talking about a future we wanted together. and it may seem like we were moving fast but i knew 7 months into talking to him that he felt the same way about me. no matter if either of us disclosed it. i could tell and i knew he knew the same about me. then i went home and everything was perfect, i wasn’t his girlfriend yet though because we wanted to wait a bit.”

“that’s when everything went downhill, i think” you looked up to try to stop the tears from going down your face, but they fell anyways so you just let it be.

“we started streaming more and more and i started getting more hate than i usually got, this time getting death threats, people threatening to leak my address if i didn’t stop being friends with him. it was crazy but i was willing to endure it all for him. who cares what people on the internet are going to say to me? i really didn’t because i was happy enough with him that, that happiness overcame whatever type of hate i was getting.” tears kept falling from your eyes but you didn’t bother to wipe it, knowing it would just keep happening.

“dude you’re so annoying! you definitely cheated!” you screamed as you died. through your headset you could hear clay wheezing. “there was no way i was cheating!” he said through his laughs. “ask my chat, they saw the whole thing.” you breathed out, not wanting to believe him till a dono was sent to you, “yeah, (y/n) you just suck at this game,” you gasped, your jaw hanging then you started pouting. it was clipped and one of your viewers sent it to dream. he suddenly started laughing harder and you asked him why he was laughing, with a pout still on your face. “even your chat knows i didn’t cheat!” you started laughing too, till you read a message in the chat saying, “ew, their laugh is ugly. i don’t know why dream likes them.” you stopped laughing but kept a fake smile on your face.

“then he called me and he told me that he didn’t think we should be dating anymore, or even be friends. and i think it was because he saw the hate i was getting and he didn’t like that. he told me a different reason as to why he didn’t think we should date anymore but i didn’t believe it, but i let him go. because i was not going to force him to be with me if he really did mean it. “ you said, sniffling after so you didn’t sound too congested as you spoke.

after you hung up, you curled into a ball and cried. you cried, and cried, and cried. the feeling in your chest hurting more than you could ever imagine. you just lost the guy you wanted to marry, the guy you had spent over a year going to because of your problems, the guys you saw having kids with, the guy that made everything worth it. he was the only person on your mind as the pain in your chest grew. you tweeted and powered your phone off straight after. you didn’t want anyone messaging you asking what was wrong, knowing your friends they would do that. 

“so the reason i took a break from streaming was because of that. because i resented the people that sent me hate so much i couldn’t bring myself to stream. i didn’t resent them because they sent me hate. i resent them because the hate they sent me caused the guy i really wanted to be with to make me believe he didn’t love me like i love him.” now, you were sobbing, letting your cry’s out because you had been holding them in for too long. 

it had been a few months and you were on snapchat, seeing that you had a memory a year ago today, you checked it. “i think i literally met my soulmate.” with a picture of you and clay in a discord call. your breath got caught in your throat and your breathing became labored. your eyes started stinging as the tears started falling. it’s happening again, all the pain from the day you stopped talking to him came back and once again, you were crying into your hands and you couldn’t stop.

“i had always known that becoming a streamer i would get hate, but i never thought that i would get enough hate to prevent a relationship i really wanted to work. now all i do is reminisce of a guy i wish could be mine”

“streaming has brought me so many opportunities and i am so grateful for everything you guys have done for me, and for me to be able to do something i love and make money from it is insane to me. you guys have given me everything i ever wanted in life up until that point and i am so grateful and appreciative of that. you guys gave me friendships that i will never lose and never forget. so many of you have told me that i’ve saved you and changed your lives but trust me when i say you guys have saved me and changed my life too. i hope i repaid you back by making you smile, being your comfort streamer, and being a support system for each of you. but i think this is my end of the road. i fucking love streaming, i love you guys. but every time i click that “go live” button or even try to, all i think about is him and that’s too painful for me right now. maybe in the future i’ll find my way back here but i can’t promise that.”

“thank you guys, so, so, so, so, much for every single opportunity given to me, for everything. i love you all. my dms are still open. and this was (y/s/n), signing off for possibly the last time. goodbye everyone.”

end stream. *click*

a tear rolling down his face and falling onto his keyboard as he watched you finally say goodbye to your stream. it all just felt like you were saying your last goodbye to him again. 

for the last 6 months all clay could do was think about you and how he wished he just messaged you and told you he was sorry and didn’t mean what he said. that he misses you and he would quit streaming if that meant he could be with you. that all he wanted was to feel you in his arms again and just live out the future you two planned together. 

but if you just said goodbye to your chat for your last stream because you couldn’t stand the thought of him whenever you tried to stream. how could you ever forgive him?

the thought of never speaking to you hit him once more and again, he cried, sobbed, screamed, threw things, and even then, he knew.. you would never be coming back to him, with every fiber in his being, wishing you would.

—————

taglist: @loxbbg @bozowrites @noahsfag @sparklykeylime @bi-narystars @axths @cheybaee @letsloveimagines @meatte @julesamen21 @classyunknownlover @bad268 @strawbrinkofdeath

[formidxble]

summary: your thighs have secrets you never planned to resurface. your boyfriend, felix, has other plans.

pairing: lee felix x female reader

word count: 5.4k

genre: smut, fluff, and angst

smut warnings: first time sex, fingering, oral (female receiving), really just vanilla sex, soft and gentle

trigger warnings: self harm, mentions of scars, self-loathing

tagged: @moonlit-lixie​ @lilixeu​ @meow-minho

songs you can listen to when reading this:

animal by troye sivan

save by faime

please read this before you continue on with the story !!!!

hello, this fic is based on a request i received and i would like to give you guys a fair warning before you read this. this story has mentions of self harm, though i tried not to give it as much detail as to not upset anyone. i tried my best to focus this story on how important your partner may be when it comes to self-acceptance and healing. if you feel the urge to hurt yourself, please remember that someone cares for you and someone is there for you, always.

my dms and asks are open for anyone who needs someone to talk to.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷masterlist 

please don’t interact with this post if you are under the age of 18!

—UNEDITED—

felix’s lips brush against your swollen ones as he leans his forehead against yours. his eyes were twinkling with love and admiration and you couldn’t help, but giggle. “what?” you ask.

“you’re beautiful,” he breathes, pecking your lips before moving to your neck. you wrap your arms around his neck as he peppers kisses on your skin. you wonder if you were ready to bare everything to him, let him see all that you are, scars and all. the thought makes you close your eyes as you grip his back and feel your body start to heat up.

this was all that it was between the two of you. soft kisses turn into heated make out sessions, hands roaming all over each other’s bodies, but, it never turned into something more. felix told you that he was willing to wait and you believed him. he never once tried to slip his hands in your pants or touch you in ways you weren’t ready for. instead, he slips his tongue in your mouth to clash with yours and it’s as sweet as they described sex to be.

“lix,” you mumble. you didn’t need to repeat his name as he comes up to meet your eyes immediately. there was worry in his eyes, but the dashes of love still remained. he raises an eyebrow.

“yes?”

“i, um, i—“ you stumble over your words and he pulls away slightly to get a better look at you.

“did i go too far?” felix frowns to himself, getting off of you to give you space. that was what you loved about him. he was always quick to get off of you if things get too heated or when he hears you call out his name from above him. he always respected your boundaries.

“no, no, i just—“ you sigh, sitting up on the couch, “i just feel like i’m ready.”

felix’s eyes widen and a soft blush rises up to his cheeks. you giggle as your cheeks mimic his. you couldn’t believe the words that came out of your mouth, but it felt right. if you were to lose your virginity to someone, it would be to him, to felix. you couldn’t see anyone else and you trusted no one else.

so, here you were, nervous, to say the least. tonight was the night and you didn’t know if you were actually ready to let him see everything, but then again, he was felix, your boyfriend, the man you see yourself marrying in the future. he wasn’t perfect, but he made sure you felt that way. there are many things in your life that’s unsure, but one thing is constant: felix loves you and he makes sure you feel that way everyday even though you weren’t together physically.

a knock on your apartment door breaks your line of thought. your heart pounds in your chest as you make your way to it. reaching out to the door knob, your hand starts to shake and thoughts of self-loathing popped up in your head.

what if he doesn’t like the way you look, the way you sound in bed? and if he sees the scars on your thighs, would he say anything? ignore it? be turned off? would it ruin the mood? woul—

another knock gets you out of your trance. even though you had those thoughts swimming in your head, you knew you had to let felix in, literally and figuratively. you shake your head to yourself as you turn the door knob.

your sight is filled with your soulmate. he’s wearing a black shirt with stripes of yellow adorning its sleeves. his sweatpants are light colored and he looks great as always. your heart melts as he smiles when your eyes meet for the first time that night.

“do you usually check out the people on your doorstep?” felix jokes as you move aside to let him in. you blush, closing the door. damn him, already starting the night with teasing. you can’t help but wonder if he’ll be the same way in bed.

“only the attractive ones,” you respond, giggling. felix turns around to face you, head tilted as an amused smile takes over his lips. your eyes move to gaze at his lips for a brief moment before letting your eyes lock on his again. maybe it was the lust you’re starting to feel, but felix looks different tonight.

“so, i’m attractive to you?” he continues to tease. you feel his eyes trail down your back when you start walking in the direction of your bedroom. you’re glad that your back is turned to him because he can’t see you blush now. if he wanted to tease, then two can play at that game.

“you wouldn’t be walking to my room if you weren’t,” you answer, stopping in front of your bedroom door. before you could open the door, you feel felix’s hands on your waist and he turns you around. your eyes travel to his neck and you can’t help but think of how good hickeys would look on his neck at this moment. you see him lick his bottom lip, keeping his hands on your waist.

you and felix stare at each other for what seems like forever, the air becoming more and more charged as time passed by. he finally closes the space between the both of you by leaning in and pressing his lips on yours. your arms wrap around his neck as you pull him in deeper. he chuckles lowly on your lips, removing one hand from your waist to put on the door behind you. your skin yearns for both of his warm hands, but his lips were warm enough to keep you company for the time being. your lips continue to move in sync as his other hand reaches for the door knob and he twists it. both of you stumble into room without removing your lips from each other’s. felix pulls away briefly to close the door behind him and you whine softly.

“i’m right here, princess,” felix chuckles before pressing his lips on yours again. you couldn’t stand in the middle of the room forever, so you start walking back to your bed, lips not leaving his. your hands cup his cheeks and you feel the back of your knees hit the edge of the bed. felix puts a hand on your lower back for support as you lay your back down on the bed. he pulls away to remove his shirt and your eyes travel down his torso, taking him in.

felix definitely looked different tonight. when did his body get so toned and why have you never noticed? you feel your lips drying up, not only at the sight of his body, but at the thought of what tonight has to offer. he smiles softly as he gently opens your legs so that he could settle in. you moan softly when your lips collide once again. in response, felix hooks his thumb in the waistband of your shorts.

your eyes fly open as reality begins to set in your veins. you were about to get naked in front of someone else, bare everything and let him see the scars you struggled for so long to accept and even look at. you slightly push him away and a flash of worry shows up on his face. “um—“ you start.

felix gets off of you slowly, opting to sit beside you on the bed. “we don’t have to if you don’t want to, y/n,” he mumbles as he moves closer to hold onto your shoulder in an effort to comfort you. you shake your head gently.

“it’s not that,” you whisper, looking back up at him, “i just, i haven’t been completely honest with you—“

“i’m not your first?” felix cuts you off before shaking his head quickly, “it’s fine, i get it. it doesn’t change how i—“

“no!” you exclaim, surprising the both of you. “no, it’s not that,” you repeat softly as you grab his hand on your shoulder and you intertwine his fingers with yours. you take a deep breath before opening your mouth to speak again. “i, um, i used to cut myself,” you let out a soft groan as you hang your head down. it was much harder to admit out loud, you’ve come to realize, and the next thing you know there are tears falling down your eyes. felix immediately wraps his arms around you to pull you into his bare chest. you feel him rubbing circles on your back as your chest continued to heave. what a mood kill, you think to yourself.

after a while, you pull away and he cups your cheeks, forcing you to face and look at him. he uses his thumbs to brush away the tears that were still in the edges of your eyes and you fight the urge to cry again. he looks at you fondly before moving in and pressing a soft kiss on your forehead. “i’m proud of you,” he breathes against your skin, “for having the courage to tell me.” you close your eyes at his words, letting them wrap their arms around your body. this wasn’t the reaction you were expecting, but it was already better than anything you ever imagined.

“you’re brave. you don’t have to hide from me, princess,” felix mumbles, pecking your forehead once more. you shudder at the gentleness of his actions, but this was felix. you didn’t know what else you expected from your loving boyfriend.

“i love you all the same.”

you smile at his words, sniffling and open your eyes, his brown ones staring right back at you. you find yourself falling even deeper for him and you can’t complain. “hey,” he greets playfully.

“hey,” you whisper back, moving in to kiss his lips for the nth time tonight. you still couldn’t get enough of him, even after all this time and you couldn’t believe that this man, out of all of them, fell right into your lap.

felix gently urges you to lie back down on the bed by leaning into you as your lips both continued to move. it was soft and sweet, like everything in your relationship. he has always been careful and gentle with you and you can’t help but wonder if that’ll change after this night together with him. the thought makes you giddy, giggling on his lips as you feel your back hit the mattress again.

“wait,” felix says as he pulls away, “you still want this right?” you nod at his words, reaching out to caress his cheek. “i need you to say it, sweetheart.”

“yes, felix, i still want this,” you whisper shakily, opening your legs again to invite him back in. he settles in between them again and you smile as you feel him hardening in his sweatpants.

“100%. i’m all yours tonight.”

felix’s pupils dilate as he hears you and he latches his lips on your neck. whatever nervousness you had before this is now gone and has been replaced with thoughts of felix and how good he was at pleasuring you without even doing anything yet. you feel him chuckle when you absentmindedly buck your hips up into his. you blush.

“patience, my love. we have all night,” felix mumbles against your skin. his lips travel down from your neck to your chest. your eyes flutter close, breathing becoming heavier as you realize fully what you got yourself into and how much you want it. he tugs on your shirt and you nod. he carefully pulls it over your head, putting the shirt down somewhere on the bed. felix looks back down at you and you watch as his eyes trail down to your chest. you’ve never felt so exposed in your life, but somehow, it feels right.

“beautiful.”

before you could respond, felix’s lips are on your chest, cupping one breast in his hand, while the other is on your hip. you sigh his name out and you feel him smile against your skin. your skin was burning, yet you yearned for more. you find yourself bucking your hips up again, but this time, felix uses his other hand to keep your hips grounded.

you whimper in response. his hand on your breast moves to your back, unclasping your bra. you gasp as you feel the cold air hit your nipples and you giggle nervously. “you do that well,” you tease. felix’s eyes gaze up to you, slightly hooded.

“i practice,” he jokes, winking at you briefly, and you let out a soft snort. practice, the word rings in your mind as you feel his lips around your nipple. you moan when he wraps his lips around your nipple, his tongue gently swirling it around. you close your eyes and you feel his eyes on you.

“do you feel good?” felix asks, voice pitched lower than usual, as he removes his mouth on your nipple. if you were strong enough right now, you would smack the back of his head. you open your eyes to playfully glare at him. he removes the hand on your hip to raise it up in mock surrender. he laughs, eyes crinkling at the sides. “alright, i’ll keep doing it.”

“thank you,” you breathe out dramatically, putting your head down on the pillow behind you. your back slightly arches when he moves his lips to your other nipple, giving it the same attention as your other one. goosebumps rise on your skin when he gently pushes your breasts together to give them soft kisses. you sigh his name and he smiles.

“you’re always so beautiful, y/n,” felix praises, moving down further on your body. your core pulses ever so slightly and you realize how much you wanted this even if self-doubt start to fill your head again. you gather the courage to look down at him while he presses soft kisses on your stomach, teasingly staying there. felix gazes up again, eyes meeting yours. you bite your lip and he chuckles.

“you’re nervous,” he mumbles.

“of course i am,” you answer. felix shakes his head as he hooks his thumb in the waistband of your shorts again and your breath hitches when he slowly pulls them down. “you seem to know what you’re doing, love,” you shakily state.

“i practice,” felix repeats, giggling softly as he leans back up to remove your shorts fully. he softly groans at the sight of you and you try to cover yourself up.

“no, sweetheart,” felix whines, leaning back down to stop you from covering yourself, “you’re perfect.” you hum at his words, goosebumps returning to your skin as he moves down to stay in between your thighs. there, you realize he sees your scars, his long fingers tracing them.

“these look like battle scars,” he jokes. you were about to respond, but he cuts you off with soft kisses to the scars you hid for so long. “don’t be ashamed of them,” felix murmurs and you sigh. something erupts in your chest and you find yourself crying again. why did you ever feel that the scars were something to be ashamed off? why did you ever think that felix will look at you differently? he’s proven time and time again that he’s in love with you and nothing will change that. you put your arm over you eyes as the tears continue to flow. felix continues to kiss them, moving closer to your core with every kiss.

“these just tell me how strong you are,” felix continues and you let out a small moan in response. “just,” he pauses to raise his head up to look at you. you remove your arm on your eyes as you lock eyes with him. “promise me you won’t do this to yourself again.”

you bite your lip, sniffling softly as you nod. “i promise.”

felix grins, leaning back down to press a soft kiss on your clit as a form of reward. you gasp, head falling back to the pillow as your hand reaches out to grip his hair. “my strong princess,” felix mutters against your clit. the vibrations from his voice travel all over your body and you shudder, hand gripping his hair tighter. he kisses your scars one last time before focusing on your clothed clit again.

“god, you smell so sweet, my princess. i wonder how you taste.”

your mouth falls open when he moves your panties to the side, pressing another soft kiss on your clit. felix groans and the vibrations from it make your legs open wider. you never knew how good his lips felt on your nub until you actually felt it moving against you. sure, you’ve imagined it before, but nothing could have prepared you for how well he did it and how it took you to heaven and back.

“you’ve been hiding this from me?” felix teases, voice now in its lowest. you try to giggle as a blush forms on your cheeks, but only a moan leaves you as he continues to move his lips on your clit, sucking on it lightly when he gets the chance to. you feel his fingers making its way to where you wanted him most. your grip on his hair loosens as your hand starts to shake. this shouldn’t feel this good. he wasn’t even doing anything that intense, yet you already feel a knot in your stomach forming. you don’t know if you’re supposed to be mad about how good felix was already making you feel with his lips.

you breathe his name out when he removes his lips from your clit. felix wets his finger by sucking on it before looking back up at you.

“you ready?”

“ready as i’ll ever be,” you whisper. felix nods, inserting a finger into you. both of you groan, your free hand gripping the sheets beside you. it burned, but felix stops halfway through to let you adjust to his finger. you couldn’t believe this was happening, but here you were, legs spread open with lee felix in between them, and his finger halfway inside you.

“move,” you gasp and felix obliges. he thrusts his finger in slowly, making sure you’re fully adjusted before increasing his speed. you feel yourself get wetter when he attaches his lips on your clit again. he catches you off guard when he licks a long stripe up to your clit. your back arches, eyes closing as his finger continues to move inside you. when your back settles on the bed again, you open one eye lazily to look down at him.

the sight takes your breath away. felix’s eyes were closed as well, his actions interchanging between sucking your clit with his lips and lapping your folds with his tongue. he was beautiful like this and you find yourself calling out to him. felix opens his eyes, tilting his head as he pulls away from your cunt, finger slightly slowing down.

“another, please,” you beg softly. felix blinks at your request as if not fully comprehending it at first. he pulls his finger out and you find your walls clenching at nothing. he sucks two fingers before plunging them in you slowly. you moan his name and he chuckles against your clit.

“you’re doing well, sweetheart,” he praises, his mouth resuming its actions on your clit. you find yourself wanting more, his two fingers not filling you up as much as you wanted. a blush forms on your cheeks again as you realize what that meant. you wanted his cock, knowing that you were ready for it. the thought makes you wetter as his fingers continue to move inside you. he curves his fingers and you whimper.

“you’re getting tighter,” felix mumbles. “you want to cum on my fingers, princess?”

you moan out a yes, tears threatening to spill from your eyes again as you start to get overwhelmed. this was going to be your first orgasm of the night and you know it won’t be the last. you cry out his name and a jumble of other words when you spill all over his fingers. your legs start to shake from the intensity of your first orgasm, with felix’s free hand on your lower stomach keeping you grounded. if this was how it felt every time, fuck, you were willing to do this with felix everyday. if he wanted to, that is.

felix thrusts his fingers slowly before pulling them out fully. you whine at the lack of contact, but he makes up for it when he presses his warm lips on the scars on your thighs again. “so beautiful, my princess,” felix hums as he pecks your clit one last time before coming back up to kiss your lips.

you moan into the kiss as you taste yourself on felix’s lips. you shakily reach down to tug on his sweatpants. he pulls away to gaze at your hand that’s trying to remove his sweatpants and he laughs softly. “they’ll come off in a second, princess.”

“i wanna suck you off,” you whine. felix raises an eyebrow before shaking his head.

“tonight’s all about you, baby. i can wait.”

“but—“

“no buts. let me take care of you tonight, okay?” you let out a sigh at his words before nodding. maybe after this he’ll let you, but for now, you were willing to let him do whatever he wanted to you. that’s how much you trusted your lover. you knew he would deliver and if he wanted to take care of you, you wouldn’t deny him of the opportunity.

felix reaches into his pocket to grab the box of condoms he brought as you sit up to slip your panties off. you look up at him and you laugh.

“do you bring condoms that way all the time?” you tease, giggling when he raises an eyebrow in confusion. “you should have brought only one.” felix shakes his head as he opens the box up to grab a condom packet.

“who said we needed only one for tonight?”

your eyes widen at his response and it was his turn to laugh. you reach up to smack his shoulder and he only laughs harder. “you’re such an asshole,” you huff playfully, leaning back down on the bed as he starts to pull down his sweatpants.

“you love me though,” felix hums nonchalantly. there he was, lee felix, wearing only his boxers as he kneeled in between your legs. the gap between the two of you was so little that you could feel the warmth of his member radiating on yours. your imagination ran wild, but nothing compared to when he pulled down his boxers. you gasp. you’ve felt him through his pants before, but you never thought he’d be this big. the head of his cock was red, precum staining it as it twitches with need. you swallow and for a second, worry coats his face and his shoulders tense up. “are you okay?”

you nod in response, feeling yourself getting wet again. “i just don’t know if you’ll fit, lix.” felix lets out a breath through his nose, shoulders relaxing. you cover your face with your hands as you blush profusely. you hear him opening the condom packet and you spread your fingers apart to get a look at him putting the condom on.

“trust me,” he reaches out to grab your wrists, gently pulling your hands away from your face. you shudder at the sight of him when you look down. he lets go of your wrists, a finger positioning itself under your chin to lift it up so your eyes meet. “you’ll be okay.”

“if it hurts, just tell me,” felix leans down to peck your lips and you whimper when he pulls away. he scrunches his eyebrows, amused, before lining himself up at your entrance. you hiss softly when he pushes the head in gently. this burn was different from the burn you felt when he used his fingers on you. this burn stung and he stops when the head enters you fully. you grip his shoulder as you bite your lip.

felix doesn’t tear his eyes away from you as he continues to push in as little as he could. as much as he wanted to feel good, his main priority was you and you couldn’t thank him enough. you throw your head back as he bottoms out, your walls opening up to accommodate felix’s cock inside you. he leans down to connect your lips together, the soft warmth of his lips serving as a direct contrast from the burn inside you. once he pulls away, he hangs his head down, your name falling from his lips as he feels your walls pulsing and adjusting to his length.

“are you okay?” felix asks. you nod as you feel the burn subsiding after a while. you tap his shoulder as a way to tell him to move, your words already failing you. felix uses his hands to support his weight as he puts them beside your head. he starts to move and it feels even better than you could have ever imagined. you grip his shoulder again as you feel yourself getting wetter by the minute.

“felix,” you sigh, wrapping your arms around his neck as he continues to thrust inside. he opens his eyes to look into yours. his eyes are dilated and you could tell he was holding back. nevertheless, his eyes held love in them and you knew that if ever you wanted to stop, he would gladly do so, no matter how good he feels. felix grips the headboard in front of him as he braces himself to go faster in you. he looks down to ask for your approval and you nod. the movement of his hips slow as he readies himself.

“let me make you feel good.”

you nod at his words, mouth going dry at the thought of what he might be planning.

felix already felt good at this pace, what more if he goes faster? you remove your arms from his neck, hands trailing down to his toned chest. he surprises you with a rough thrust and you gasp, his name rolling off your tongue. he thrusts again, his cock curving in you in a way that hits your spot perfectly. you let out a broken moan. you never believed in the concept of heaven, but being under felix might change your mind. the way he took care of you, the way he made you feel immaculate, makes you wonder if this was heaven itself.

felix picks up his pace, your head falling back to the pillow. you put your hands on his waist and you feel the goosebumps rise on his body once your hands make contact. he opens his eyes as he gives you a small smirk. you giggle breathlessly, a blush forming on your cheeks. even though he was on top of you, making you think and feel sinful things, he was still the man you fell in love with, a tease and way too cheeky for his own good. you fall into incoherent moans once again as he increases the speed of his hips, the sound of your skin meeting his echoing in the room.

“god baby,” felix groans, his pace slightly faltering, “you feel so good around me.” you let out a soft whine at his words, leaning to give him a rough kiss. he sloppily returns the kiss and when you pull away, his eyebrows scrunch as he focuses on the task at hand.

you’re moaning and crying out his name as your back arches from the bed. you feel the knot on your stomach forming again and you know you’re about to spill all over him for the second time tonight. you clench around felix and he moans brokenly.

“fuck,” he breathes out, “are you close?”

you nod, words not being enough to describe what you were feeling as of the moment. his name becomes a mantra to you as he continues to pound into your cunt. you reach up to grip at his hair, your name and a babble of his nicknames for you falling out of his mouth as he tries to get you where you needed to be.

“can you cum for me, princess?” he asks, slightly out of breath as you notice a bead of sweat falling down the side of his face.

“cum for me. please cum for me.”

felix pleads softly and before you know it, you’re screaming out his name as you feel your juices flow down his cock. felix grunts when you repeat his name over and over again, like you’ll end up forgetting it. if there was a heaven on earth, this was it. felix was sure of it and you felt the same way.

“you’re such a good girl for me, baby, fuck, you’re so good—“ felix rambles as he tries to reach his own high. “you’re so fucking good, fuck, fuck, fuck—“

lee felix ruined you tonight, but here he was, putting you back together again as he finishes inside you with a loud groan of your name. he leans back down into you to bury his face on your neck. both of your chests heave as you both try to catch your breath. you put a hand on his hair to stroke it and to remind him that you were still here with him. he presses a soft kiss on your neck before getting off of you to pull out.

you look at him and you realize that you want this forever, even though you felt as if you didn’t deserve it. if felix was willing to spend forever with you, you were in no position to say no because you wanted the same thing. he comes back to the bed to lay down next to you, both of your bodies sweaty from the events that just transpired. felix sheepishly grabs you and pulls you into him.

“did you feel good? was that good?” felix questions quietly. you sit up on your elbow to look at him, tilting your head with your eyebrows scrunched together. how could he ask that when he was the man that gave you everything in one night? how could he ask that when he made you cum twice during your first time?

“of course, it was good, lix,” you mumble, leaning over to press a kiss on the tip of his nose. “it was better than good, 100 times better than good. you were amazing,” you pepper kisses all over his face and he giggles, still keeping his arms around you. “how about you,” you whisper on his skin, “did you feel good?”

“yes,” he answers without hesitation, “of course, why wouldn’t i feel good?” you playfully shrug, lying back down on his shoulder. the two of you lay in silence as you both come down from your highs, the sound of your breathing filling the room. you look up and notice that he had his eyes closed. you tap his chest and his eyes open.

you remove yourself from his arms, leaning over to the bedside table to grab the box of condoms he brought with him. you playfully twist it around your hands before pretending to read what was written on it. you glance at him and you see that he’s watching you with confusion written all over his face.

“you want to make use of every single one in here?” you question and he lets out a surprised chuckle. “i mean, we might—“

before you could finish, he’s already pining you down on the bed. “we might as well,” he finishes the sentence for you and you smile at him cheekily.

“we might as well,” you repeat, biting your lip when felix grabs the box of condoms from your hands, opening it up again. it was a joke, but if felix actually decides to push through with it, you knew you’d be sore in the morning, but who cares when felix felt as good as he did? it would be embarrassing to admit, but you might already be addicted to him and everything he has to offer in bed. you watch as he opens a packet. your eyes widen, smacking his shoulder.

“i was kidding!” you laugh and felix shakes his head, cock already hard between his legs.

“i wasn’t.”

[shroudcore]

Speak now, or forever hold your peace. (Finale)

Summary: The ghosts may have left, but the wedding they officiated is not something to be easily forgotten. Will unsaid feelings remain hidden? Idia thinks so, after seeing you with your admirers. 

Idia x GN!reader. Reader is MC, or takes the role of MC in this story.

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)

Warnings: none

After that 3-star difficulty sidequest, it was finally time for the ghosts to leave. They were filing out through a shimmering silver portal to the Land of the Dead, which you joked about jumping into “for the meme”. Idia was quick to discourage it. The joke would’ve been funny at any other time than right now. 

Each ghost made sure to give the newlyweds their congratulations. Each congratulation made Idia want to take off into the night, never to be seen again. It was beyond embarrassing. Unbearable. Way past his limit of social interaction capability. Things were getting way too much to handle for his now-empty Energy bar. 

While Idia longed for the comfort and isolation of his dorm room, you were the one who thanked the well-wishers and said the goodbyes—from a safe distance, of course. 

“When we return, I want you to meet our baby!” Eliza announced before she stepped into the portal. You and Idia shared a look. As if reading each other’s minds, you checked your schoolmates’ faces for their reactions—which did not disappoint. Different ways of saying “Don’t come back!” filled the hall, in varying degrees of anger and vulgarity. Before she disappeared for good, Eliza huffed and stuck her nose up in the air—an expression that tonight’s failed suitors knew all too well. 

At her departure, the portal shrunk into a mere speck until it completely disappeared. Then came the loudest cheers of the night serving as Victory fanfare. It was all over! But before he went, Idia hoped to say goodbye and take a look at you in your suit one last time. Or maybe even ask you to hang out tomorrow, depending on his current Courage level. 

While he silently rehearsed his thank-yous and good-byes, he wondered if you knew that you were still holding his hand. He decided not to mention it. 

Unfortunately, his brief moment of (weak) celebration was cut short when he noticed that the now-mobile Groom Rejects were approaching. They might as well have red bars floating over their heads to warn him of danger. He froze, contemplating whether to: 

> Bear it and stay with you just until he was prepared to say goodbye (+10 relationship points -20 comfort LV)

> Just run off on his own without saying anything, ignoring your calls. (-10 relationship points +10 comfort LV)

For now, he decided to stick with Option 1. Just a little bit longer. 

“That was amazing!” Deuce exclaimed, rushing over to give you a high-five. You laughed and  met other high-fives, low-fives, fist bumps, and head pats that came your way with that lovely smile of yours. 

Suddenly, Ace rips you away from him. Suddenly, you weren’t holding hands anymore. The loud first-year put his arm around you and Idia couldn’t help but notice how easy and natural it looked. Meanwhile, there he was: someone who needed to rehearse his goodbyes. 

Clearly, there was a huge level difference here and Idia was the one disadvantaged. 

“Our hero!” Ace yelled, inspiring more cheers. The distance between you and Idia grew as your wave of admirers and friends swept you farther and farther away. He was an outsider once again, stuck watching the fun from the sidelines. Their eyes sparkled. Their mouths smiled. Their loud voices laughed and praised you and laughed with you again. 

They loved you. And Idia was no different. 

Everyone’s Friend and the Weird Shut-in. Was there hope?

“Brother, I’m so glad you’re safe!” Ortho’s voice cut through his stream of thoughts. Immediately, he feels the weight on his shoulders lighten. 

He watched as his brother, his beacon of hope, made his way around your fan club until he eventually reached his spot. Ortho wouldn’t care if he looked like a loser, standing there awkwardly at the side all alone. Finally, he was saved. 

My savior! “Ortho! Thank you, thank you…” 

“No injuries… tense muscles… an increase in cortisol production,” Ortho muttered, frowning. “Are you okay?” 

“No…” 

Ortho nods. “We’ll return to the dorm, then. But before that, we should thank the Prefect.”

“Oh… right.” Idia looked over to you, still surrounded by your “fans” like the SSR character you were. You listened to Azul, who prattled on and on about something that was oh-so-interesting that you couldn’t take your eyes off him. And Vil judged your suit’s design, reaching out to fix something near your neck. You cracked up at something Floyd said. You posed and smiled beside Cater as he took a selfie with you. 

His mind raced as it continuously spotted the students on his list and everything they did. What was so interesting about Azul? What was so funny about Floyd? Did you like Vil’s hardworking, confident attitude? Did you think Cater had a way with words? 

He looked away. 

“Ortho, I’m going back to my room,” he said with a heavy heart, admitting Defeat. He was underleveled, had zero energy, and zero SP (social points). He’ll see you… some other time. After his cry-sesh, maybe. 

“Huh? Don’t you want to talk to the Prefect first?” 

“I’ll just… DM them later,” he lied. In truth, all he wanted was to drown himself in a video game while he gorged on candy and tried not to think about you. Ortho’s eyes narrowed, but followed him as he sneakily left the hall anyway. 

You’d understand, right?

Once he and Ortho were out, he looked back at the hall doors, hating himself for being too shy and cowardly to make a move. He imagined charging back into the room, wedging himself in between your friends, grabbing your arm, and pulling you away. Then he’ll kabedon you and—

Who was he kidding? He can’t do that, and you probably wouldn’t like that. 

“It was terrible, brother. Nobody wanted to help!” Ortho said, and Idia thinks he didn’t need to be reminded that nobody liked him. 

“When the Prefect and I reached Diasomnia, we expected them to reject us too…” he mused. “But Malleus Draconia agreed to help us! Can you believe it?”

“Wait… Malleus-shi?” 

Ortho nodded enthusiastically. “Yes… because the Prefect talked to him… and then he cast a charm on them to help us ward off those ghosts! It was really nice of him.”

“I see…” Idia knew that you and Malleus were friends. But to actually help you and him? Maybe your relationship with the Diasomnia dorm leader ran deeper than he thought. Why else would he go through that trouble? 

“The Prefect volunteered without needing to be asked, you know,” said Ortho, who he now noticed was observing him carefully. Idia tried to ignore the way his brother’s eyes lingered on him as they walked (floated in Ortho’s case). 

“...I’m so glad their plan worked!”

Wait, what?

“Volunteered? Their plan?” All this time, he thought you’d been forced to do this by the Headmaster! You did always rant about Crowley promising you different sorts of rewards if you did jobs here and there. But… you got yourself into this mess… all for him? 

Idia looked at the hand you held just moments ago and dared not hope again. Maybe you would have done this for anyone else in his place. Maybe you treated everyone the same, and it just so happened that he was the one kidnapped by a ghost bride. 

Still, he felt bad for not doing as Ortho said earlier. It was too late to turn back, however, as Idia and Ortho finally reached the Hall of Mirrors. 

“Finally… I’m so tired,” said Idia, meaning it in all ways. But as he put one leg forward to enter the door to Ignihyde, he heard someone’s voice, along with the scuffle of shoes against the floor coming closer and closer to where he and Ortho stood. 

“Idia, wait up!”

Oh no. It’s you. Enter now! Enter now!

But no matter what his head told him to do, he remained rooted to his spot. He stood still despite his pounding heart, that elevator-like feeling in his stomach, and the blaring alarms in his head. 

Object of affection at 5m…

Ortho was probably seeing his vitals going haywire and giving him that look again. He turned to look at his brother… only to not find him there. 

Help… oh no…

2m… 

“Hey,” you gasped out, catching your breath. “When I turned around, you were gone…”

Yeah, same. Just like Ortho… 

No one said a word for a while. The silence was only filled by your heavy breathing as it slowly evened. Inwardly facepalming at himself, he decided to take the chance to tell you everything he should’ve said before he left. 

But before he could open his mouth and apologize for leaving, (gods know he had too many things to apologize for after tonight), he was taken into a warm embrace. 

OHMYGODSOHMYGODSOHMYGODSOKAYLET’SCALMDOWN

“I thought I was too late.” you mumbled into his suit. 

At that moment, without anyone else around, nothing else mattered but the safety of your arms. And damn, how good it felt to be embraced. Did anyone else get these hugs from you? Idia didn’t think so. He hesitantly lifted his arms up and hugged back. 

Looking up at the domed castle ceiling, he wondered what he did to deserve something this good. 

It’s okay. I can have this. He allows himself to melt into your arms, head drooping down to rest against your neck. 

“G-good thing you weren’t,” he finally whispered back, freezing as he heard you sob against his chest. Oh no, oh no, what do you do when your love interest is crying? Quick, quick, pull up the archive of romantic scenes from your memory. 

“Hey, hey, I-I’m okay, you see?” he said, patting your back awkwardly. You let go after releasing another sob to wipe your eyes with your sleeve. 

“Sorry I got your suit wet,” you said softly, turning your face away. “I’m really, really sorry about what happened there too.”

“About what?”

“The whole wedding thing...” You took a quick look at him but immediately dropped your gaze to the ground. 

Idia blushed. “I-It’s okay! D-don’t worry about it… I-” 

Come on, say more! Ugh… I hate myself. 

You pulled at our vest and slipped something out of it—an envelope. “I… wanted to tell you everything through a letter.”

Tell me what?

“But… Eliza came and took you before I could give it to you.” You avoided his eyes as your fingers tightened around the white envelope. Idia’s breath hitched, expecting you to crumple it. But to his relief, your fingers relaxed. Then, as if it took all your courage, you handed it to him with a slightly shaky hand. 

“It's old-fashioned, I know but yeah... just read it!” 

In the hall’s silence, he could hear your breaths quicken once again. 

“Th-That’s all I came here for. Goodbye!” 

Before he knew it, you were running off. Your arm waved frantically from a distance as every step carried you farther, farther away. He lifted his arm to wave back but you never saw it. You were gone and all he had left was the letter. 

His curiosity made him impatient. With fast and purposeful steps, he sprinted on the way to his room. What did he feel? Excitement? Dread? An unpleasant mix of both? His room, feeling farther than usual, was the only safe place he could experience whatever it was.

After a lot of walking and almost slipping over someone’s spilled soda (he cursed the shoes those ghosts made him wear. His very own would never fail him like that), he found himself in front of the doors, which slid open, revealing Ortho already inside. 

“You left me there!” Idia huffed. 

“Couples need alone time, brother,” replied his brother, innocently blinking.

“Wh-wha… we’re not a couple!” 

“Hmm? I could’ve sworn the signs were all there...”

A blushing Idia threw off the silly coat those ghosts made him wear and threw it over his desk chair. He sat on the bed, fingers racing to open the envelope. Ortho watched with great interest as two sheets of paper covered in your handwriting slipped out.  

Unfolding the first page, Idia took a deep breath and began reading:

Hey Player 1!

Sorry I couldn’t make it tonight last night. Maybe you can show me your new manga tomorrow? I know how excited you are about it.  I’m writing this while Grim’s asleep. He’ll never let me hear the end of it otherwise. 

I figured that this would be the best way to communicate my thoughts and feelings. This way, you won’t feel pressured to respond immediately. You can open and read it whenever you’re ready, in the safety of your room. I know it’s old-fashioned. But to me, a handwritten letter feels more personal—like I’m giving you a piece of myself. So here’s that piece of myself. Please, handle it with care. 

Beware. I’m about to get sentimental and mushy and cheesy and everything you cringe at! I hope you read on, anyway. 

First of all, I want you to know how much I admire you. Right from before we were friends, I was impressed by your intelligence and knowledge with technology. I’ve seen nothing like it back home. I always wondered why you hide yourself and those talents away. My curiosity drove me to want to get to know you. I’m glad I did. 

You were closed off. To you, I was just another normie. Do you remember? Your dismissal annoyed me, so I challenged you to a 1v1 match. I thought I was good, but you crushed me. I guess that’s where it started: our friendship… and something else. Soon, I found more and more reasons to admire you. Honestly, I find more with each passing day. 

I should have known, right from when songs started to make me think of you, that I was falling. I started to see you as, well, more than a friend. Your quick mind, your expressive hair, your soothing voice, your precious grin… your voice when you talk about things you love, your love of cats, and your candy, and your cold hands… Okay, I think you get the point.  But if you have time, I could go on forever. 

There’s something different in your eyes when you truly care. You say you’re bad at being sentimental and feel-y, but that’s okay! We express love differently. I see your love pour out in the way you perfect every detail on Ortho’s modifications, anyway. I’m sure he knows how much you love him. 

I want you to know how special you are to me. You’re so amazing, Idia. I wish you knew that. I want you to know that. 

I know it’s hopeless. You’re the young master to a noble house. I’m just… me. A homeless, magicless foreigner with nothing to my name. Nothing to offer but my feelings (and my superb gaming skills of course). I’m not asking nor expecting to be your special someone. But hey, I can be a top-tier teammate. A worthwhile BG opponent. A movie buddy. And most importantly—a friend. 

Our time together has always been a highlight of my difficult stay in NRC. The times we hung out in your room were my refuge from the outside world’s demands. Somewhere I was untouchable and safe from harm. Safe from demeaning remarks. Even if you never get back to this letter and decide you never want to see me again, I will always treasure the matches we played, the movies we watched, the candy we shared, and the memes we laughed over.

That’s all of it, really. Please don’t sleep too late. Watch your sugar intake. Listen to Ortho. Take care of yourself. 

Oh, and enjoy your new manga. 

Your best raid teammate, 

Player 2

Wide amber yellow eyes glistened as they repeatedly flitted over the words. A shaky thumb caressed the smudged ink from where a fallen teardrop marked the paper. Burning different shades at once, fire-hair slowly released itself from the tie it was forced into. Now free, it swathed Idia’s back in warmth like it should.

“Th-This can’t be real!” he sputters as he waved your letter around like he was fanning a bonfire. In a way, he was. 

However, Idia knew his hair wasn’t the only thing that kept him warm. He stared at the letter and it stared back. But no matter how many times he blinked, the words remained the same. You felt the same. 

“What have I done to unlock this route?” Idia clutched the letter to his chest, but noticed he was wrinkling it. “Nooo!” He quickly smoothed it over again. 

“They… they like-like me!” Saying it out loud made it more real. It was a fact! It was true all this time! Thinking of everything you did tonight: rescuing him like a true hero, running after him because you couldn’t keep your feelings secret for much longer… he couldn’t stop himself from swooning. 

“Like-like… did you mean love?”

“L-love?” Idia exclaimed. He suddenly felt dizzy, so he fell back onto his bed and talked to the ceiling. “It’s too early for that word!” 

But he knew the effect which that word had on him didn’t go unnoticed by Ortho. Well, at least he knew now that Idia wasn’t suffering from an illness. Can love be considered an illness? Idia recalls a documentary that said it was. Back then, he ate that up. Love made people do crazy things, after all. 

But ‘illness’ wasn’t an apt word to describe this dizzying happiness surging through him, was it? It was way too wonderful for a word like that.

“I’m so glad the Prefect finally confessed!” Ortho bounced happily, reflecting his brother’s joy. “I knew they would do it soon!” 

Mouth hanging open, Idia looked at his brother. “Wait… you knew?”

“I’ve known for a while,” Ortho giggled. “Vitals can’t keep secrets!” 

***

Contrary to plan, Idia didn’t touch his video games, nor gorge on candy, nor cry himself to sleep. Instead, he replayed the night’s events in his head over and over like a song he couldn’t get enough of. It had been two hours and thirty-five minutes since he read your letter. Two hours and thirty-five minutes since his world was turned upside down. In his reflection on the dark screen of his off tablet, he almost looked different. He saw someone who was admired. Wanted. Loved. 

Was that what you saw whenever you looked at him?

Ortho told him what the next move was: asking you out. He was scared. You might have changed his view of himself a bit, but that didn’t mean he was suddenly ready to go the distance and conquer the world, or whatever those overenthusiastic extroverts say. The night was still too much, and maybe he still needed those three weeks of being a complete hermit. 

Okay. Maybe with your help, I'll get there little by little. 

Perhaps you could watch a movie in his room... Would you be okay with that? You always hung out with him in there. But what if you wanted to do something outside? Eh, maybe it all didn’t matter, as long as you were together. 

When he put on his headphones, he knew which song to choose right away. There was one forgotten song in his music library that he couldn’t bring himself to delete. A love song. It wasn’t a bad one, because Idia would never keep a bad song in his music library. It’s just that the lyrics  were too happy—its singer so blissfully in love that it amplified the loneliness that had always been there.

Now playing: “Immortal Flowers” — SERPINA

This time, it’ll be different. Tonight, he puts it on repeat. He listens to it with a head for once clear of uncertainties. Instead, he thinks of fluffy otome scenarios. 

That date idea would have to wait. For now, he’ll imagine and dream of you, with your warm smile and open arms—skin basking in the glow of blue fire light. 

THE END. 

~

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)

There you have it! Thank you for reading. I had fun writing this 4-part series. Would love to hear some feedback! 

Btw, the title of the song Idia listens to at the end comes from “Conversations with Persephone” by Nikita Gill. “What Hades gave me was a crown made for the immortal flowers in my bones.” 

[honoredbastard]

I COME BACK WITH THOUGHTS/THEORIES ON ITADORI AND HIS RELATIONS- I THINK.

anyways, so i'll just point this out: i'm not good at speaking my thoughts in an organized manner. i absolutely suck at it, i speak on how my brain brings up the thoughts so i might ramble, get over my head in a thought, etc. i can't control it so i apologize in advance for the jumpiness of the texts. i will spell a lot of things wrong and not everything will be correct, as i read translations and on a manga site. don't worry it's not illegal, i believe.

MANGA SPOILERS AHEAD.

i apologize for my absence! last week or two weeks ago the tower to my computer completely broke and will not turn on. i tried to repair it and follow my fathers instructions but nothing worked. even cleaned off the fan and went through countless nights readjusting things. it's not my cords either so to help me out my father is working extra shifts to get me a new pc. so in the meantime i'll do small posts like these but not full writing/head canons until i have a computer tower lol. a family member was kind enough to allow me to have their phone while we work throughout this issue.

now onto the actual topic:

kenjaku and itadori's relationship. ( family wise ).

for context in the most recent chapter, 160 "colony" kamo shows up in sasaki's home and talks to her about the culling game and a barrier. but that's not the point, the point is as he's guiding her to the barrier inside her "dream" at the end he says "oh right. i almost forgot to tell you. thank you for getting along with my son." and then she is awakened inside the barrier, in her pajamas beside iguchi. when sasaki and iguchi look at the barrier and gather themselves they bring up kamo.

sasaki asked iguchi if he mentioned his son and he says no. this leaves sasaki in a state of confusion when itadori flashes in her mind. she says his name aloud like she finally connected the dots. now. why am i bringing up this whole kenjaku thanking sasaki for being his "son"'s friend. it throws me off because why didn't he thank iguchi?

did he not think iguchi meant their friendship? because sasaki was the one uninjured and still counted itadori as a friend? does iguchi not consider itadori as a friend anymore?

because we haven't seen these two at all since the incident. that raised many questions in me. as well "how can itadori be related to kamo?" and itadori is related to choso.

because kamo's technique is explained ( vaguely. we are aware he can create barriers, take over bodies, and has incredible cursed tools. chapter 134. this is also where choso makes his connection ( i believe. ) to itadori yuji as his brother. but because we saw this with todo many thought itadori just had another unconsious technique that allows the person who is hit create false memories and believe of a completely made up relationship with itadori without his knowledge. but alas, i was wrong. ) and we're given more hints shown than told ( imo ) i tried my best to make sense out of the situation and what he said. i think my conclusions are pretty solid, so continuing on.

we're given very little history on itadori, his past, and family. at the start of the manga we know that itadori's only family he knows is his grandfather and that he is ill in the hospital. at the very very beginning we learn that itadori is your average cute, fluffy, laid back but strong and goofy protagonist. in smaller words: itadori is kirby but even cuter and dumber.

my first impressions of him is a pineapple. if you're confused to this saying: it's calling a person prickly on the outside but sweet on the inside. and this is true, itadori's grandfather seems prickly and cold on the outside but he genuinely cares for itadori.

he raised itadori for all we know and did that with his all in assumption. but this ends up backfiring onto itadori, because he cares so much for his grandson - he ends up leaving a " curse " on yuji.

help people. save them.

itadori takes this to heart as his grandfathers speech is his last one. when he looks over to his grandfather the man is dead and now yuji is left alone. then the following events occur.

at this point in time i assumed itadori was an orphan ( he technically is if we're connecting the dots. his parents has not been shown, he doesn't speak of them, they aren't in the picture. we can conclude either they disowned itadori or died before he could make complete memories of them. )

but when we are shown in chapter 143 itadori's parents we see this "woman" jin ( yuji's father ) and his grandfather talking about has the same scar pattern. this scar pattern is either stitching ( assuming that is how kamo keeps the top of the opened skull from coming off. this is also how kamo revealed his cursed technique / body of sorts ( the brain, assuming that is kenjaku in his cursed technique and not the body / puppet he is controlling " getou suguru " ) to gojou. )

this is the only way i find kamo being able to assign itadori as his son. why is that you might be asking this dumbass here.

we do not have the full story, exact date, location, and full context of the memory/dream itadori is having. this cannot be fake either because kamo would than have no reason to call itadori his son. or is there? anyways.

take a leap of faith with me. imagine that before itadori is born ( he seems no more than a few weeks or days old in this memory. hence why i am thinking my conclusion is pretty solid in theory. but yknow gege, there might be something different. ) anywhooo.

TW. D3ATH/IMPLYING ANTI LIFE ATTEMPT

kamo had to have taken over yuji's mothers body after an accident OR after she gave birth to yuji. his grandfather is interrupted by her before he can finish his sentence but it seems to be leading to the conclusion that either kaori ( yuji's mother ) died while giving birth to yuji or kaori could not conceive and tried to take her own life or cause an accident that would take her life. ( i read a fan translation for this part but im pretty sure i also read the official translation today too and it added up to the same. )

i believe in the first idea, but since kamo's cursed technique wasn't explained in detail i don't know the conditions of his body technique. does the original host of the body have to be dead? can he regenerate body limbs ( i highly doubt. getou lost an arm during his fight with yuta. overconfident dick. reminding me of an ex ANTWAYS. i forgive him for being overconfident smooch. he learned. OFF TOPIC but continuing on i promise.

this is being continued from the cut off point. i'm so upset so it'll just be summarized. i can't believe this shit lol i took three hours just to finish it for it to literally cut off the bottom half.

continuing on in a sadge mood. kamo must not have the complete ability to take over a body. after all getou took his only arm he had as he was dying and choked his own body to his full ability. getou was willing to die ( possibly, you never know he could be alive if he killed his own body. moving on. ) just to have the chance to save his friend from being swallowed by a damn box.

so there has to be a chance that kamo cannot fully take over the previous persons complete consious and memory of their body. if getou still had his other arm after losing the fight to yuta, he could've choked kamo with both arms. in theory kamo wouldn't be able to control the right arm and die to the previous host choking him to death.

so why wouldn't the other hosts do it? after all, kamo did say it was his first time experiencing such a thing. assuming kamo has lived throughout many bodies in his 150+ lifespan none of the previous hosts could take control of their body.

i believe getou was completely influenced by gojou and his six eyes. there is no way gojou would even try to speak out to his friend unless he had an inkling or saw getou still in there. helpless and without the ability to save himself from the cage he's in.

being used and puppeteered in his own body by an external force. laughing in the world he could not. putting getou into a constant misery and defeat that he couldn't escape his hell. the one he tried so hard to fight and get out of. even if it was the wrong path.

gojou was the last person to witness getou dying. he had to watch getou bleed out after their conversation because he couldn't bring himself to kill his friend. the one he spent his whole jujutsu student life with. so for gojou to say such a thing to getou despite all that he did had to break getou out of his misery and give him that small sliver of hope that he could do something. of course he failed, but i doubt that's going to be the end of that.

the only way i see kamo being related to yuji is if he took over kaori's body before the pregnancy. assuming that when kamo takes over a body he becomes one with said body and is that person for however long he lives in said body. my only thing is, can he take over a persons body whilst they are alive? i would go more in depth like i did the last time but i am extremely upset about my work being erased so that's the end of this part.

thank you for reading! i have one more thing for you though.

the last time we see sukuna in a manga page after the shibuya incident is where he is on his throne and in his domain. this is after yuji is stabbed by yuta and is presumed "dead" at the time. he seems to be interested in yuta and i can think of 2-3 things. I would love to hear your theories too so don't be afraid to barge into my dms like the koolaid man.

A - sukuna is interested in Yuta because of his ability to use the reverse healing technique ( only a few sorcerers know this. sukuna being the first. shoko being the second one to be told that she has this power and then gojou. ) because of this he sees potential in yuta as well or has added this boy into his plans. after all, there is very few that can make sukuna make an expression that isn't an RBF. aka megumi and possibly gojou. I was looking at the page of him stabbing yuji and noticed we only see the entry point of where the blade enters. it's smaller because some got chunked off so its a possibility yuta used this to his advantage when "killing" yuji and instead hit an artery that could kill him but quickly healed him afterwards. or just his heart. the ideas.

B. Rika, Yuta is able to completely control Rika as shown. Even though he claims he is on the weak side, these two combined seem like an unstoppable force. He may be interested in Rika as she is a curse that has been put on someone that can fully control it. Not many people is shown to be able to control their curse. As we haven't met many.

this was enti and that's the last of my post! thank you for reading and it was a fun one. even though i had to restore this shit. anyways, i'd love you to add or fix up my ideas and tell me your thoughts and opinions! Thanks a bunch!

^ this is for pure humor

[dmsden]

Folk of Cliff and Challenge - Personal Plot for Goliaths

Hullo, Gentle Readers. For this month’s Personal Plot episode, we’re going back to the Elemental Evil Player’s Companion to visit a race that got a big boost in popularity thanks to a certain podcast - Goliaths. If you still need a copy of the Elemental Evil Player’s Companion, you can find it for free download at https://media.dnd.wizards.com/EE-Players-Companion_0_0.pdf

The Goliaths hit the scene with their particular look and personality in 3E with the “Races of Stone” book. It can be argued, however, that their origins really come from 2nd edition’s Dark Sun Campaign Setting. That boxed set gave us “half-giants”, who share so much with the goliaths in general that, when 4E’s Dark Sun came along, they just said to use goliaths as is for half-giants. The personalities of Dark Sun’s Half-Giants are very different from the Goliaths...but the personalities of most Dark Sun races are different than the standard...Dark Sun halflings are tribal cannibals, for example. In recent years, the presence of Grog Strongjaw, goliath barbarian, as part of the Vox Machina campaign of Critical Role has certainly contributed to them gaining some prominence, and it’s been nice to see some new miniatures appearing of them.

The personalities of goliaths have been shaped by their mountain habitation. They live in often frigid, dangerous cliffs. They are reclusive from other folk, and they know they must be self-reliant. Those who cannot benefit the tribe are exiled, especially if their physical skills are in declined. This reminds me of old, now disproven stories of wolves being driven out of their pack when they can no longer fend for themselves. In terms of personality, this tends to lead to a race of risk-takers and competitors, a people who will also be marking how they compare to you.

There’s a lot of story to come out of this. If there are competitions in your world, like an Olympics, or even fighting pits, it’s easy to imagine that a goliath would want to be involved. This could lead to a story where a goliath climbs the ranks of an organized fighting club. It could also lead to a story where a goliath finds their beloved games are rigged. Would a goliath leave the games in shame, feeling they hadn’t earned these accolades, or would they seek to destroy the corrupt system and replace it with something more honorable? Either one could make for a interesting story.

The description of a goliath’s constant need to prove themselves and improve upon their deeds is a built-in mechanic for DMs to expand story. Let’s say a goliath fighter is known for slaying a smaller local dragon at low levels. It’s easy to imagine them needing to prove their Wyrmslayer reputation by seeking out increasingly dangerous dragons. What happens if they then meet a dragon much too powerful for them to face? This could certainly lead to some interesting role-playing, as the goliath comes to terms with the possibility of their failure.

Goliaths traditionally live high in the mountains, and it’s easy to imagine this puts them in competition with other creatures that enjoy mountaintop lairs. Dragons, of course, like to perch on high mountains, but wyverns, perytons, gryphons, hippogryphs, yeti, dwarves, and aarakocra might also claim these lands. If it’s a dangerous creature, it’s a natural move to go and fight it to remove it, but what if it’s a race like dwarves or aarakocra? This could make for interesting diplomatic situations if the challenge isn’t best solved with axes.

I think that, of many races, the goliath is the most natural to have a rival. Maybe the PC goliath and another goliath set out at the same time. The DM could have the PC occasionally hear of the other goliath’s deeds. This could naturally spur the PC to seek out more dangerous situations, more powerful foes, and more amazing treasures. If the rival is a darker shadow of the PC, so much the better. Maybe they’ll become a lieutenant of the major villain of the campaign, giving the goliath a personal stake in why they seek to undo the villain’s ultimate plans.

Another way to have a “Rival” might be to have a goliath hero, maybe even an ancestor of the PC, part of the background of your campaign. The PC might wish to measure up to their hero’s deeds, and, ultimately, to surpass them, coming a legend in their own right. Perhaps there’s one challenge the goliath hero couldn’t overcome, like slaying a specific beast, or plundering a specific dungeon. If the PC can accomplish what their ancestor could not, it would bring great honor to them and their family...perhaps even restore honor that was lost when the ancestor failed.

One element I remember from 3E that I thought was really cool was that the lithoderms - the dark, stone-like markings on a goliath’s skin - were supposed to contains elements of prophecy that presaged a goliath’s destiny. If the goliaths in your campaign believed this, imagine if a goliath’s lithoderms suddenly radically altered. An entire campaign arc could be built out of this idea.

I hope that this article has given you ideas to help a goliath PC in your own campaign. They’re a really interesting race, and I’m happy to see them sticking around in the game’s lore. Next month, we’ll return to the Player’s Handbook to seek out the wisdom of the Sage. Until then, may all your 20s be natural.

[mariamermaid]

Crush

Modern! Harry Potter x fem!Granger!Reader

Summary: Y/N Granger, the absolute Queen amongst the students, with many admirers and even Harry himself, finds himself falling for his best friends sister.

Words: 2.7k

A/N: Requested anonymous: “heyaaa, can you make harry potter x fem reader in which the reader is hermonie's elder sister and very popular in the school and harry has massive crush on her? like the song crush by tessa violet?” I also decided to write this in a more modern style! I feel like all my Harry Potter imagines end at a party?? But who cares.

 Your laughter echoed through the hall before any of them could even see you. Harry immediately felt his heart speeding up, while Hermione next to him, only let out a sigh. You turned the corner and Harry, Hermione and Ron finally made eye contact with you. You had joked with Cedric Diggory and Harry felt an even deeper sting in his chest. Quickly, you waved your goodbye at the Hufflepuff boy before joining your sister and her friends.

“Mione, you look like seven days of rain were just announced!”

Hermione only rolled her eyes, no one really fully understood how the two of you were related. Ever since beginning your education a year prior to Hermione´s, you had been crowned one of the most popular students. Unlike her, who especially struggled with making friends in her first weeks, you were at ease with social contacts. Another difference was your approach at studying, you simply didn´t enjoy spending hours and hours at the library and yet, you weren´t bad at any subjects. You weren´t class best, but at the top five. Outgoing, adventurous, funny and charming; it was no wonder why everyone seemed to like you.

Usually, your popularity wasn´t a problem for your younger sister, but lately Hermione realized a changed she wasn´t very fond of.

Harry.

Within the past weeks, he had been daydreaming a lot and barely focused on anything anymore. And unlike Ron, who was probably last to find out if he wasn´t explicitly told, Hermione quickly realized why that was.

 I can't focus on what needs to get done

I'm on notice hoping that you don't run,

 “Haha, very funny Y/N!” You nudged her side grinning. “So, what are you guys up to anyways? Trouble I reckon?” Ron and Harry smiled as you chatted with them.

“Hermione makes us study for the upcoming potions exam”, Ron explained, which annoyed Hermione even more and you laughed lightly. “Ron, you should start listening to her, pretty sure she´s the only reason you haven´t failed.” You turned to the boy with the glasses.

“What about you Harry? Sentenced to study as well?”

Harry opened his mouth, but before any words left his lips, Hermione pulled him closer.

“Yes, his talent won´t let him pass all the exams!”

You gave the two boys a pitiful pout, but then switched back to your smirk.

“Anyways, I´ll have a date at Hogsmead to try on the upcoming summer collection!”

You think I'm tepid but I'm misdiagnosed

'Cause I'm a stalker, I seen all of your posts,

 Two hours later, Harry got a notification on his phone; Y/N uploaded a picture on Wizagram! Hermione, who was currently too focused on Ron, didn´t see how Harry sneakily took his phone and hid it beneath the desk. You stood smiling widely in the shop Feathers and Fabrics, wearing a dress from the newest collection. Even though you had posted the picture only minutes ago, the likes were already rolling in and the comments didn´t hold back as well.

Harry read your caption; Guys, this is only a small sneak peek, just wait there will be more!

 And I'm just tryna play it cool now

But that's not what I wanna do now

And I'm not tryna be with you now, you now

 A lot of the comments were from female students. “You look so stunning!”

But then again, a few of your male followers couldn´t hold back. “Gee Y/n, is it hot in here, or is you?”

Harry felt heat rushing up to his head, but tried to play it cool, so his friends wouldn´t notice. Quickly he hit like and put the phone away, trying to focus back on studying. But the words in front of him were beginning to blur and tumble. You weren´t dating anyone currently, but everybody knew you had enough options. Fred and George even made bets on it, secretly hoping one of them could win you for themselves. Each time the topic was discussed, Harry felt the pit in his stomach, digging deeper and deeper. He was the chosen one, but would you ever choose him?

Hermione noticed her friend beginning to trail off, but it wasn´t the right time to address it yet.

The weekend approached, the old game of Gryffindor against Slytherin was in everybody’s mouth. Harry was just getting dressed for the game, then his eyes fell back on his phone. He unlocked it and found himself back on Wizagram, you had posted a boomerang in your story with the Weasley twins. Both of them wore their Quidditch uniform and leaned forward to kiss your cheek. You wore a hat with the Gryffindor colors and a light dress in red, while grinning widely into the camera. “Rooting for my fave team!”

Both Fred and George as well the Gryffindor Quidditch Account, who was proudly run by Oliver Wood, were tagged in the story. Harry quickly scrolled past, realizing that each of the tagged Accounts had reposted your story. It was stupid to think you wouldn´t root for him, but he wasn´t tagged, was he?

It’s a stupid crush, Harry reminded himself, but even later when he stepped onto the field with the team, his eyes only searched for you in the crowd.

But you found his glance as well, offering him a reassuring smile. It´s all he needed, those very few seconds of your attention and the game started.

The game was at tie, but the rooting and shouts from the fans kept going either way. Harry tried to play cool as he searched the arena, secretly searching for you. As he found you again, you hadn´t even moved from your seat, he noticed your eyes guiding him. Just above the tower of the Hufflepuffs, the golden snitch hovered. He didn´t have time to rethink and his muscles moved on their own as he leaned forward to start rushing. Draco tried his best to follow, but he was at the other end, and Harry easily caught the snitch and held it up proudly.

“And Harry Potter proves again, Gryffindor is unbeatable this season!” The speakers echoed and the crowd went even more crazy than before. All Harry could think about however, was he had to thank you. But the moment he landed back on his feet, he was carried off to the Gryffindor room, where the party immediately started.

It felt like eternity, until he finally found you in the overfilled place. But there you stood, smiling innocently at him, like you had been waiting all along for him to approach.

“I think I owe you a thank you.”

 You make it difficult to not overthink

And when I'm with you I turn all shades of pink,

I wanna touch you but don't wanna be weird

It's such a rush, I'm thinking wish you were here,

 Harry had to lean forward in order for you to hear him, feeling as your hair brushed against his skin. You winked at him. “Yeah, you do, but we´ll keep it between us.”

He wanted to lean further, his hand twitched as he tried not to reach out and touch the bare skin of your arms. Even your smell felt divine to him. Before he could speak up again, Niall Atkinson, he was a year older than you, wrapped an arm around your waist.

“Y/n, let´s dance!” He offered loudly as he pulled you closer. In the same second, Ron, Fred and George swept Harry into their circle to begin dancing as well, even though it was more an uncontrolled jumping. Harry could only catch your apologizing glance, before the space closed and the two of you were pulled into different directions.

 And I'm just tryna play it cool now

But that's not what I wanna do now

And I'm not tryna be with you now, you now

 He truly wanted to celebrate the success with his team, but his attraction craved more of your presence. But what was he supposed to say? Sorry, I have to run after the girl, that everybody anyway wants and is also my best friends’ older sister, but my biggest crush?

No, he couldn’t.

So, he tried to overplay it, danced and jumped around with Ron, but the shine in his eyes was gone. Hermione sat on the stairs, glancing back and forth between you and Harry. She knew both of you well enough, to tell that neither of you were fully happy at the moment. An inaudible sigh escaped her mouth, what was once jealousy, turned into sadness. Yes, her best friend had the biggest crush on her sister, but what no one knew, was your crush. You had never told Hermione, or anyone for that matter, but the reason why you never accepted a date offer, was because the wrong people asked you out. Hermione didn´t fear losing Harry as a friend anymore, she much more feared that the two of you never even got a chance to be happy together, and instead ended unhappily alone. She had to do something.

Then, an idea formed in her brilliant mind.

You starred on your phone; Harry had sent you a dm on Wizagram. He had never texted you, your history simply persisted in you tagging him, when you posted stories. Usually, you hung around Hermione at the three broomsticks and more so often, you tagged the trio in your account.

I wanted to talk to you, can we meet outside at the corner to the girl’s bathroom?

Your heart skipped a beat, quickly you looked up to check, if anyone had noticed your blush, no one had. You couldn´t make out Harry either, but you quickly excused yourself from Niall. Whatever was happening, you found it quite exhilarating. You answered with a quick yes and Hermione hastily logged out of Harry´s account. Harry was a brilliant wizard with many talents, but writing down his password in his herbology book wasn´t the smartest move.

Hermione grinned, her plans always worked out.

 But I could be your crush, like, throw you for a rush, like

Hopin' you'd text me so I could tell you

I been thinking 'bout your touch like

 “Harry!” The brown-haired boy looked up to find his friend approaching him, Hermione smiled brightly. Almost too brightly, but Harry wasn´t focused enough to realize that something was up.

“Have you seen Y/n?”

Harry quickly shook his head and Hermione, good actress as she was, put on a thinking mien.

“I haven´t seen her as well, just wanted to make sure she´s okay, she´s been so quiet lately.”

“Quiet? I didn´t notice”, Harry explained and Hermione could literally watch how his thoughts began running around you. “I´m sure it´s nothing, but I think I´m going to check her room.”

“I can check outside!” Harry quickly announced, she had to suppress a laughter, he was easily tricked. But instead, Hermione nodded agreeing and while she only took the first few steps up, Harry hurried outside, not wasting any time. Only seconds before, you had left the room as well. Everything was coming together.

 Touch, touch, touch, touch, touch

I could be your crush, crush, crush, crush, crush

I got a fascination with your presentation

Makin' me feel like you're on my island

You're my permanent vacation

Touch, touch, touch, touch, touch

 You stood outside, hiding behind a corner and almost disappearing in a nook, but Harry immediately recognized your figure. You looked up from the phone in your hands and felt as a smile crawled upon your lips. Harry felt his heart fastening and he approached with swift feet.

“Hey, are you okay?” He asked with worries in his voice, your brows furrowed. Something felt off, but you pushed that feeling to the side. It was probably just your nervousness. “Yeah, I´m good, are you enjoying your party?”

Harry shrugged, his eyes traveling to the floor. “It´s always a bit of the same, isn´t it?”

You nodded agreeing and a short, awkward silence formed. “What was it, you wanted to talk to me about?”

Harry looked up, now confusion in his expression as well. He wondered, if you had noticed his change of behavior towards you. But he never mentioned it out loud, or did?

But you watched his reaction closely, something clearly was up and while Harry was still trying to piece everything together, you took out your phone again. Holding up the screen, which enlightened the dark hallway, you showed him the text.

“Y/n, I´m so sorry, I don´t know how… I didn´t send that text…” Harry stumbled over the words and regret rolled over him. It wasn´t his fault, and yet he felt responsible for pulling you away from the party. You on the other hand felt shame rising and your cheeks heated with fire. His text had seemed too surprising from the beginning on, you should´ve known better. You felt stupid and wanted to crawl into a deep, dark hole and never come out again. Stupid crush!

Letting out a loud sigh, you sat down on the bench of the nook, putting your hands to cover your face.

“Did you just say stupid crush?”

Oh, if it was heat in your cheeks before, then hell just got unleashed. Where is that hole of shame, when you needed it the most?

Harry carefully sat down next to you, with your hands still up, you only felt the slight air breeze. “I shouldn´t be saying this, you´re Hermione´s sister, but I like you.” He paused shortly.

“A lot. More than I ever should.”

Swiftly, you glanced through your fingers at him. “You do?”

Barely a whisper as you opened your mouth, but enough to watch as Harry nodded. Slowly you took down your hands, now starring at him with a blank expression.

“Why did you never say anything?”

Harry couldn´t help but huff. “Y/n, have you seen yourself? You´re school queen, nobody hates you, not even Draco Malfoy! You´re always on top of the grades and basically the entire Quidditch team has a crush on you. On the side, you´re head girl and you´re modeling for Feathers and Fabrics. And to all that, you don´t even realize, how undeniably stunning you look and how your kind words inspire me every day?”

 I could be your crush, crush, crush, crush, crush

Sorry

And yeah, it's true that I'm a little bit intense, right

But can you blame me when you keep me on the fence, like?

And I've been waitin', hopin' that you'd wanna text like

Text like

It's what I was born to do

And yeah, it's true that I'm a little bit intense, right

 As he spoke, you jumped off your seat, feeling a wave of way too many feelings rave inside of you. “Harry Potter!”

Finally, he looked up as well and just to find you gaping at him. “Why by Merlin´s beard, would I care about the Quidditch team? Do you think I don´t know about the bets going on, on who´s going to be my boyfriend? The only reason because I don´t have a boyfriend yet, is because the only boy I´m interested in, was too shy to ask me out! And imagine, he´s brave enough to fight Voldemort instead!”

It was Harry´s turn to search for that hole of shame and he couldn´t help, but facepalm himself. There was no way that the situation could’ve been more awkward and playing cool wasn´t an option either. You listened to your heartbeat slowing down and your chest lifted heavily after your outburst.

“If I had known about your crush…” You trailed off, your words now barely a whisper anymore.

 And I'm just tryna play it cool now

But that's not what I wanna do now

And I'm not tryna be with you now, you now

 Finally, Harry lifted himself off the bench as well, walking towards you. “I didn´t send that text, but maybe I can ask you out in real life?”

A shy smile was on his lips, it suited him so well in the dim light.

“I´d like that very much.”

Carefully, you leaned forward, feeling his warm breath on your skin. “But let´s not tell anyone just yet, we have to find a way to get back to my sister.”

Harry furrowed his eyebrow, but quickly realized as well, who had hacked his account.

“Sounds like a good plan.”

Grinning, you finally felt his warm lips brushing against yours. It had taken a couple of misleadings, but your crush had found its way in the end.

 But I could be your crush, like, throw you for a rush, like

Hopin' you'd text me so I could tell you

I been thinkin' 'bout your touch like

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Happy new year everyone 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

I know 2020 has been hard for everyone.

And I want everyone to know, suffering isn't a contest and we all suffer in different ways. But I feel I should give my year in Review. Just some things that happened to me personally.

This was an intense, and long and spiritual and emotional journey for me...

I really discovered what it meant to have community, family and what my life means to me.

But I feel I need to get this in writing cause I can remember the year with vivid detail and I will probably forget if I don't get it down.

Do I have to share this publically online to my tumblr account for a bunch of strangers to see? not really.

Do I want to?

Yes. I think so. Just from how so many people on tumblr and real life have touched me.

This is kinda long and no one needs to read this.

(idk how to do a readmore on mobile. But this is where I would add it later. No one needs to read if they don't want to.)

January/February: (and some background on the last five years of my life cause.....well. it's important.)

As people knew, I got way into Invader Zim last summer. I spent most of my waking life working a dead end job at a grocery store. I lived a sad lonely life, going straight home to a single dark studio apartment. With not many material possessions outside of games, my laptop and my tablet to my name. Half of my material loves, such as home furnishings and books were still in boxes from when I moved in. In case I ever had to move again, or get some "big screenshot or copywriter" job in the city.

....

I lived in that city in the same dead end job and apartment for five years.

No friends. No social life. I often refused to make doctor appointments or attempt to establish myself in that city. I didn't even talk to anyone in my workplace.

Work. Go online. Go to sleep.

I lived like that for five years.

I thought it was good.

Even my therapist thought I was doing well.

When I really wasn't. My main character flaw I struggle with is motivation.

I can talk to someone about very detailed plans I have to fix a problem... But I tend to never follow through.

Just because I can describe in detail how to fix my personal problems, it doesn't mean I will do it.

(I have gotten better at this but it's a major struggle)

I might have been a Zombie during the day...

But by night I was pouring my soul into my AU and my analysis.

After being so thoughly ignored or overlooked by the Naruto fandom and the Undertale fandom, I felt like I had finally found my home and was settling into a community there.

I just loved that people loved what I had to say.

Especially my AU.

It's no secret that a lot of themes in my au revolve around found family, grief, and loss.......

Fatherhood, in particular.

What it means to be a father, how much do you need to try when you mess up, how willing should a child forgive their parent, especially those that have wronged you and how much of it is factually accurate and simply a self projection of what children want their parents to be and visa versa... What amount of forgiveness and change is nessasary...is it needed?

....

It's no secret that a lot of my AU is a giant coping mechanism for my Dad's death. Espessially the falling out and growing closer with a lot of my family members throughout the years following his death. (Most of the time I keep it ambiguous to how it relates to my personal life unless I include a readmore that states so outright. I feel my au can be enjoyed by a variety of people in the fandom who don't need to know me as a person or my life story.)

My Dad passed away in 2016 in February and my family still feels the aftershocks to this day.

It's part of the reason I moved to the city, alienated myself from my family and people that loved me and refused to experience life for five years.

My entire world was Zim, and I was okay.

March: When America finally realized and started to feel the effects of the pandemic....

A lot of people got scared.

Me included.

I didn't have any streaming services or access to the news. So I only heard accounts from my mom.

I didn't understand why the store was so dead quiet and empty for a few days, then it went into mass chaos and panic in the span of two days.

It felt like Retail black friday in the worst way. Everyone was packed like sardines. Everyone was yelling. The lines at the registers bled into the clothing department.

I was witness to customers shoving others for toilet paper, being rude to cashier's and just overall unpleasantness.

At the time, I didn't even fully grasp what the pandemic was, and I feel a lot of people at the time didn't either.

I ended up absentmindedly scratching my eyebrow in front of a customer and she screamed and villanised me for it. That they didn't want groceries touched by my "unclean hands"

I ended up breaking down into tears.

The customer behind me gave me a hug and told me I was doing a great job.

But the damage was done. It was the final straw, I couldn't stop crying and I was breaking apart.

Thankfully my Boss (the one who likes me) pulled me aside and asked what's wrong.

It was then that I quit. No notice. Same day. I had to get out of there.

I was planning to move to an apartment with my sister in the summer, but my Mom offered for me to move back in with her temperarily just so I can get out of the city and away from the pandemic.

So I did.

I got scared, broke my lease a month early and quit my job of five years that gave me nothing back.

He told me, "take care of yourself and your family, I won't keep you here, do what you need to do."

So I did.

April-June:

A very eventful few months.

My mom offered for me to live at her place, but for some reason she was acting like I would live there forever. That this wasn't a temporary arrangement, and that I didn't have an apartment set up already.

This was in large part to my sister, who had lived with my mom taking advantage of her for years.

Even though my sister and I were going to move in together, I was just never sure about it cause of how she never packed her stuff or made any effort to find a job.

My mom often acted like I was lazy and not searching and was treating me like... Well, an unruly teenager instead of a woman of 29 years. She acted like I was a failure for returning home when it was her idea in the first place.

I would have just been petrified in the city.

Like usual, I retreated to my au again.... And in the spring, something eventful happened.

In may, 8th 2020:

I was invited by @rissynicole to join an invader zim discord.

Now, I've never really used discord before. I always thought it's interface is too confusing.. and I'm a member of a few other iz discords and I usually don't follow them that closely.

Rissy assured me it was different cause some friends of thiers made it and it was smaller.

Before I knew it, I was sharing memes and getting to know everyone there.

It wasn't long after I invited my partner in IZ crimes, @paketdimensioncomic who was genuinely wary of iz servers due to a bad experience with the last one they were a part of.

But soon they were sharing memes and laughing with everyone else.

My eyes were starting to open and I was able to connect to fans of my work in an interpersonal way. And I was able to discover new artists and aus I never knew about.

I was also able to meet so many others of the community and invite them to the server myself.

The moo-ping 10 server kept me sane while I was living with my judgmental mother.

Not only that, the summer was very productive for my au.

Drawing was all I did, and it was a huge break from the job as a cashier I had.

Not only that, June came, and with it, me and Ceph's first collab fic:

A result of us just going back and forth in our DMs constantly about Professor Membrane and how he changed in ETF for the better and how much we adamantly stan "trying-to-be-a-good-dad-brane" and how much of his ETF development has to be implied off screen in order for the emotional resolution in the movie to matter.

The only reason I never professed my love for Membrane as a character in the fandom before the fic dropped was.... Well....

Membrane can be a decisive character in the fandom and I was so worried people would hate me if I did an analysis on him, simply because he's not the best parent in the world. (As an understatement)

Ceph and I really encouraged each other to scream our love for the science himbo loud and proud more frequently and so often.... I actually start to see less Membrane hate posts and breakdowns then their used to be.... I like to think it's a combination of Me and Ceph's influence, along with ETF and the Quarterly's painting Membrane in a slightly more nuanced light then he was previously.

I never wrote a collab fic before and it's such a rewarding and fun and unique experience that I don't think I'll ever have again. And I love working with Ceph on our fics so much.

So much so we did it again...

July-August:

I never thought I would be one of those people who writes NSFW IZ fic... But here I am.

The Brainbrane au started.... An au of my au where Membrane and the Computer fall in love and Membrane makes him a body.

This ship was based around the idea where we joked that Membrane and Zim's Computer would have funny interactions if they ever met, under the pretense Membrane thinks Computer is Zim's parent.

Our headcanons morphed and shifted until we just full blown started shipping them.

Just because Membrane and Zim's Computer have overall REALLY entertaining chemistry.

It's a character dynamic never seen in the show or comics (yet) and I imagine thier interactions to be nothing but entertaining banter.

The fic was also born from spite... Making fun of the troupes and cliches that we found personally destestible in some questionable zadr fics.

So an angry ace and a demi-bisexual collab on a porn and end up blessing the fandom with

Compapa headcanons,

Computer being recognized as a more common used fanon character,

The ship of Brainbrane.

The fandom having a crisis of "oh God, not only are we xenophiles we're technophiles too!!!" Or "why you gotta give Zim's Computer an ass"

More android Computer designs

It was an eventful summer.

In the midst of all this, I moved into my new place, got a new job, and I was able to see my friend (who is def my platonic straight soul mate) who lives in Indiana.

She came to visit, showed me how to decorate and how to take care of my body better! Things were looking up! It was great.

September-November:

My job was at a boat store. If was approaching the fall and my hours were being severely cut.

I was getting into a rut of depression again.

I thought things were changing but the same routine I was trying to escape from was the same thing coming back.

But instead of letting it take hold, I decided I was going to do something about it... I was gonna visit a museum and go with my sister. Just... variety stimulation.

Well that didn't happen.

I talked about this shortly in my au itself...but..

My sister had a complete mental breakdown.

She stopped taking her meds, went off the deep end and was in the hospital a total of five times throughout November.

A lot of it was acting out and the perfect storm of environmental factors that made her scream and act out so she would keep going back to the hospital.

It was traumatizing for me.

I just can't explain what it's like. For her and for me to be in that position.

I'm not telling the full story and a lot of bullshit things happened I won't share here.

She got diagnosed with bipolar one and my mom expected me to be a caretaker for her.

I threatened to disown my family and move away out of state.

It was just too much for me to handle.

So much I was a nervous wreck.

I tried to pick up a second job... Cause my sister was in the mental ward so frequently and couldn't pay the bills.

But I was fired within a week cause I was so stressed I couldn't retain the basic information they were training me for.

It was an office job.

My dream.

It could have been.

I was fired from something I really wanted.

I was only there for three days.

I could not retain any information.

I was a mess.

My sister was a trigger, my mom wanted me to live with her. I couldn't live like this.... I had to get out.

I had to get out.

December:

Remember my Indiana friend?

Well the first week of December is my birthday.

My 30th to be exact.

While I did pick up a seasonal position at Target (not my first pick)

I took the first week of December off so I could spend time with her. Cause she agreed, I needed a break from this crap.

Surviving 30 years is cause to celebrate and if I had to celebrate with my sister I would have cried.

I know there was a risk traveling out of state during a pandemic...

But I needed out, I needed a friend..

And I kinda wanted to look at the place since I was considering moving there.

My friend's mom was sick so she avoided me and her daughter and got us a hotel room.

It was fun! I got to swim in a salt water pool, we talked about Naruto, I showed her the iz and su art books I brought, also Computer and Membrane tea.

I also got to meet her other friends and get crunk. And her bf who is super nice and funny!

I had a super fun birthday....

Until her mom told my friend that her grandparents had covid and that was what she had. And my friend got sick within that same day.... As did I.

I owe so much to her family.

I was an entire state away...about a ten hour drive from home.... She let me stay at her house. "The covid house" we called it.

Cause everyone (except the father. He avoided everyone and booked a hotel immediately cus he was an ER doctor) had covid within a day.

I called in, the test results were positive and I had to stay with her family for ten days quarantine before I could work again.

Which would have been fine....

If my tumblr didn't log me out perminately of my old account. @dana-chan325 .... Which really sucked cause I had a constant headache and was too sick to engage with tumblr or much of the fandom. I didn't want to make a new account when my head was in a bad fog and I could barely breathe or smell.

It's not like I saw much of my friend either.... We all slept at different hours and she had more symptoms then I did.

It was just netflix, danganronpa v3 and cry.

I was miserable, but at the same time.... Not?

I really feel like God himself was the one who pulled me off from tumblr, and my living situation.

Maybe a whole extra week feeling like a bobblehead was what I needed.

It gave me some much needed clarity on my relationships with my mom and sis and friend.

Running away to Indiana was not the solution here.

Once I was better within ten days and no longer had a leave of absence, I drove home.

I am glad I fully recovered (but from how I understand it, my dear friend is still ill. I'm praying for her)

I might have gone to work a bit too soon, cause I had an asthma attack after trying to unload a single cart in the span of six hours.

My boss lectured that my speed was unacceptable, and even though I explained the covid situation and breathing problems many times, she threatened that I'd be fired if I'm that slow again.

Que the next few days of work where they put me on register.

Instantly I was sent into a panic remembering the last time I was on the register and how that panic attack caused me to quit.

I even asked if I could go back to stocking, since my breathing had improved. My boss assured me that I was put on the register cause they needed help and nothing to do with my covid thing.

Then as December concluded and the new year began, my boss said that this was the last shift for me cause my position was seasonal and they were letting a lot of people go.

I then asked why I was on the schedule for Sunday, and he told me to ignore it and I'm free to reapply for full-time.

I mean.... They can act smart about it...

But putting your general merchandise stocker onto register after she had an asthma attack and missed working the first two weeks of December due to covid.....

Not a good look.

So once again, I'm jobless once more.

Will probably continue to live with my sister for awhile.

But I do not feel as if it's a bad thing....

I met so many good people this year....

My friend's family even gave me 500 usd to cover my rent since I couldn't work for a majority of December.

I've seen evil and good from humanity this year. I've seen acts of god, good friends and what my real family means to me as well as friends I consider family.

This year really made me look back at the person in the mirror and say,

"I deserve better."

And actually worked for it this time.

Oh and after Christmas I got a horrible yeast infection that burns over most of my body currently.

Very accurate doodle to the pain I'm in right now.

(seriously my body is a fungus.)

But hey, good news, I respected myself enough to go to the doctor about it!!

So that's progress.

I really hope 2021 holds good things for me.

Thank you to the mooping 10 server for always being there and keeping me sane,

Thank you tumblr for liking my au and everything.

AND A SUPER SPECIAL THANK YOU TO @evartandadam and her family for housing me and my dumb diseased ass. Everyone, she is an angel and I can't express how much she means to me. Please check out her art and buy her stuff on redbubble.

Anyways... Byebye 2020.

I look forward to what I can accomplish for myself this year.

[crazyaboutto]

Someone might have done this before, I didn’t check the tags thoroughly but whatever.

I only know Mephisto from a few places so I wasn’t very knowledgeable about him and decided to do research. I plan to do this for Agnes/Agatha Harkness and House of M. Feel free to DM me to talk about WandaVision theories.

Source: Marvel Wikia

What I’ll be talking about?

1. Who is Mephisto?

2. What are his powers?

3. What is his relationship to the characters in WandaVision in comics?

4. WandaVision Theory

The first 3 parts will be taken from Marvel Wikia and summarized.

1. Who is Mephisto?

Mephisto has many aliases such as The Devil, Satan and Lucifer. He is an extradimentional demon. He calls his realm “Hell” in order to exploit Earth human beings' belief in a single being of absolute evil. He is not the actual Satan but he allows himself to be called names that human beings give to their conceptions of devils. Mephisto is continually seeking to add more spirits of sentient beings to his realm by inducing living sentient beings to submit their wills to his. Mephisto apparently seeks primarily to enslave all human souls.

2. What are his powers?

Mephisto is an experienced and highly skilled liar and strategist. He is also a highly skilled sorcerer with near infinite knowledge of arcane and occult subjects.

His powers:

Superhuman Strength, Superhuman Speed, Superhuman Stamina, Superhuman Durability, Regenerative Healing Factor, Immortality, Penance Stare immunity, Medium Awareness, Netherworld Dimensional Power Tap.

§ Shapeshifting:Mephisto is more of a force than a physical being, one that can take any form that he wants. His "normal" appearance is that of male, red skinned humanoid with vampiric aspect and attire. However, Mephisto can appear in any form imaginable, having turning himself into animals, humans of any gender, or more commonly into other demonic forms, ranging from a stereotypical image of Satan to a giant reptilian monster.

§Mystical Deal:Through a Faustian bargain, Mephisto is able to fulfill almost any wish that someone wants in exchange for something that they have - usually their souls. Once the agreement is sealed, it is virtually impossible for the victim to escape compliance.

§ Ensnare Astral Bodies:Mephisto also possesses certain powers enabling him to capture and detain the astral bodies (sheaths of the soul) of recently deceased human beings. Mephisto does not have jurisdiction over all the souls of humanity's recently deceased. It is not yet known what the prerequisite conditions are for him to be able to manipulate a human soul, nor are the precise means by which he accomplishes the feat known. Apparently these conditions require that the human being in question willingly agree to submit to Mephisto's will. It is not known how a human being may free himself from bondage to Mephisto, nor whether Mephisto will forever retain control of the souls he has obtained. Nor is it known whether or not Mephisto "feeds" on the psychic energies of such souls as other demons do.

§Dimensional Entrapment:Apparently Mephisto can entrap a living human being within his realm through sheer physical force, even if the person did not submit his or her will to him.

§Reality Manipulation:Mephisto was able to create the realities Earth-7161 and Earth-71241 by creating a small alteration in the Earth-616 reality.

§Magical Manipulation:He can control magical energy for various effects, among which are the augmentation of his own physical strength, levitation, teleportation, the projection of mystical energy as force blasts, invisibility, matter manipulation, image projection, size transformation of his body or other objects or beings, the creation of temporary inter-dimensional apertures, and so on.

3. What is his relationship to the characters in WandaVision in comics?

Tommy and Billy Maximoff: Mephisto's soul was used by Wanda to give birth to the twins.Mephisto reabsorbed them, effectively ending their existence.

Wanda Maximoff: Mephisto absorbing the twins’ souls drove Wanda mad, resulting in her altering all reality.

Agatha Harkness: Agatha claimed that Scarlet Witch's children were actually fragments of the soul of Mephisto and wiped Wanda's memory of her children rather than fight to free the two from Mephisto when he reabsorbed the twins.

4. WandaVision Theory

So far: We have 6 episodes. The storyline gives off House of M vibes. Agnes seems to be Agatha Harkness from the comics which I’ll be talking about in another post. Dottie who is the key to the town only appeared in episodes 2 & 3 of the show. Director Tyler Hayward is pushing Wanda to defend herself.

THEORY:

Everything up to Wanda’s pregnancy was pushing Wanda to think about children despite no children was seen until episode 6. The whole talent show was “for the children” despite no children being present. Dottie was in charge of the talent show for the children. When Dottie was giving a speech about the talent show, she said “The Devil is the details” and Agnes said “It’s not the only place where he is”. She again said “For the children” during that speech.

Director Hayward first appeared in episode 4 and all he did was to antagonize Wanda. He is outside and he is giving Wanda every reason to stay inside The Hex. He is also painting her as the villain, trying to make others see her as the villain as well. He knew that Wanda would have deflected the bomb he sent into The Hex and that it would just anger her, making her less cooperative. He is also psychologically pressuring Wanda. You might say “He is the regular asshole” but what if he isn’t?

As mentioned in Powers, Mephisto can shapeshift into any form imaginable. Remember that on the people and their real life ID board, we didn’t see Dottie. What if Mephisto took the shape of a former soul he collected? That soul can be old and hence that is why Dottie wouldn’t be identified. The other minor characters were identified and they were shown. If Dottie was also identified then we would have seen her on the board too. Even if she is identified, there is no guarantee that Mephisto wouldn’t take her form. Dottie was the one who organized the event “for the children”, giving subtle message to Wanda for creating her own children. She even said “The Devil is the details” which is normal to say normally but not when the fans theorized Mephisto involvement after it was announced. Agnes, who is likely to be Agatha Harkness who mentored Wanda, said “It’s not the only place where he is”. I believe she, as an ancient being, knows about Mephisto and she subconsciously warned Wanda then. After what Wanda is supposed to do is done, Dottie doesn’t become a main character. Maybe that is the real Dottie in episode 5. Mephisto is done with her after Wanda got pregnant. After that, I think he started to impersonate Director Hayward. As mentioned above, everything Hayward did made Wanda to be more unstable and to want to stay in The Hex. I think Mephisto would want that and he is a perfect strategist. Maybe he didn’t shapeshift into those people but maybe they had a deal with him and he manipulated them into doing his bidding (See:Powers). Additionally, everything that happens inside The Hex makes Wanda stay inside.

In episode 6, Pietro calls “demon spawns” to Tommy and Billy. This isn’t even subtle. I think it is either subconscious warning that Wanda told herself via Pietro. Or it could be Pietro himself since he died once and maybe has knowledge that isn’t aware. Or it can be Mephisto being a little shit. He might have gotten Pietro’s soul when he died. In Powers, it is said that the conditions for him to entrap a recently deceased soul is unknown. He might have gotten Pietro’s soul when he died and now he is using Pietro to manipulate Wanda.

As mentioned in Powers, Mephisto can manipulate magic and reality. I think that is how Westview is affected. The reality inside The Hex is ever changing.

In episode 5, Norm played the pronoun game “Stop her” instead of saying “Stop Wanda”. It wouldn’t make a difference for Vision since he already thinks “she” is “Wanda”. What if that “she” is actually “Dottie”? Norm didn’t say her name because he doesn’t know it. He only knows she is the one doing him harm. This might be the other clue is that Dottie is indeed Mephisto himself.

[systematicmasspoisoning]

Traitor Tubbo

I've seen so many excellent theories as to who the traitor is and I would like to throw my hat into the ring. I see several possible options. Depending on how this is received, this could be part one of a few. Reminder, this is all speculation. I'm analyzing a character here, not the streamer themselves, and in reality no one, especially not these teens and 20-something role players, are genuinely intending to be malicious or calculated. This is a game. But they're playing it, and my heartstrings, so damn well.

My top theory for the traitor? Tubbo.

Traitor Tubbo is definitely a fan favorite, and I'm probably a bit biased. I watch his streams most often and perhaps am overthinking things. But here's my supporting evidence: I think Tubbo has the most motivation because it's been established that Tubbo is underapprecited and underestimated. He's assumed to a yes-man, Tommy's right hand man. Schlatt specifically made him Secretary of State because he knew it would be a kick in the gut to Tommy.

But everyone also knows that shit gets done when Tubbo is on the server. This kid is dedicated. Guess thats what quarantine does to a Minecrafter. He planned the fesitval, helped streamline Pogtopia's potatoes, is an expert in redstone, is draining the ocean and making allies with the Badlands (BBH, Awesamdude, Antfrost, a few others).

Jschlatt said in his speech at the Festival that Tubbo gets things done (only to kill the kid like 10 minutes later :sadface:) and Wilbur said, later, that the planned Manberg Hotel probably won't be built now that Tubbo is (supposedly) on Pogtopia's side. I see parallels to Eret's traitor arc: he was the deus ex machina who saved them in Season 1 from being arrested for drugs, built their walls overnight and was given little credit for it. Wilbur still says to this day, "The walls I built to protect us."

Underappreciation fuels betrayal on this server. And Eret was smart. Overpowered, almost, from all his grinding (some of which he did with Tubbo, for hours on end.) He knew the revolution was 'never meant to be,' that L'Manberg was the losing side. He betrayed for power and kingship. Tubbo has different motivations - he doesn't advocate for violence, so he's said, and he just wants people to get along. He doesn't want a war. So what might he do for peace?

We all know, if we watch old SMP Earth clips and his Among Us streams that he is big brained. He's sometimes malicious and mischievous when he wants to be, as attested by his recent stair pranks. So him being the peaceful, owo baby boi side character isn't necessarily fact. It's a bit. A role, along the lines of Tubee and Big Law. He's much more.

Speaking of the stair prank, so funny, but had the potential to be cruel, too. Anyways, he clearly said that he was watching Tommy's stream, and saw Tommy die to the stairs. Then he pops on the server later and acts clueless to what went down, though he knew, mentioned in his stream earlier that day, that something important was going to happen that day. He turns up while they're discussing traitors, is quick to take control of the conversation and point out that the traitor is likely Wilbur (for being 'technically' on Dream's side, the side of chaos.) Fuel is added to the flames of confusion and infighting.

Playing dumb is one of Tubbo's most popular bits. It farms awes, as Tommy says. People underestimate him and assume he has no reason to lie. Tommy so easily believed him when Tubbo said he had the discs. In the Dream Betrayal stream, Tommy confronts Dream about the location of the discs with Tubbo in the call. The misunderstanding is cleared up. They don't question Tubbo's earlier statements. They also don't question it when Tubbo mentions he has blackmail on Dream. I have no idea what that might be, we can speculate on that all day. But when it comes to the discs, I think Tubbo lost a bargaining chip there. His lie was very thin. But we know he's good at lying (when its actually important) and thinking quick on his feet so I feel like there must be some motivation behind it. I don't know how, but I think the discs will definitely play a part in the coming war.

That same stream, with Dream's betrayal, Wilbur even foreshadowed Traitor Tubbo. He was making a list of their allies on the wall in Pogtopia and, despite his chat screaming at him to include Tubbo, he leaves the kid off the list and dismisses chat's worries. I'm being a little dramatic here, but can you imagine Tubbo coming across that? Seeing himself, once again, left out of the loop, off the list of people they can trust, possibly considered unimportant now that he's filled his role as a spy and had his arc seemingly completed? Back to being a yes man, a footnote in L'manberg's history, the sidekick to the protagonist, a foil who is killed off to fuel the protagonists' need for revenge.

Except, in Minecraft, you don't really die. You're respawned. Tubbo didn't die when he was executed on the day of the festival; a celebration he planned, was proud of, so excited to take part of that he used a dyslexic font to write his speech.

Some notes about the festival.

1. His excitement. He was looking forward to it. I say let him be excited, that's not necessarily suspicious - he worked damn hard on it.

2. But, I have thought about his difficulty choosing a side. He showed interest in blowing up L'Manberg, but then turns on a dime when Tommy says it's bad, and then comes up with a diplomatic response of "I trust your better judgment, Wilbur " There was the added element of peer pressure from Wilbur and Tommy, granted, talking over him and assuming his viewpoint. He's not always a yes man, he stands up to himself with Tommy constantly, but the scene with him on the roof with Tommy and Wilbur shows how little he is kept in the loop. (Him understanding peer pressure likely led to him forgiving Techno so easily. But I also wonder, and others have too, if he forgave Techno.... too easily.)

3. This isn't so much of a point but something that keeps the writer in me up late at night. He was very grateful when Schlatt praised him, probably something he didn't hear often under Wilbur's rule.

4. He said the phrase. In spite of him not advocating for violence, he said the phrase that would trigger an explosion. The choice was in his hands. That is assuming he got Wilbur's DM telling him what to do, but Tubbo had been told by Wilbur to check his DMs and they had been exchanging whispers frequently throughout the stream, Tubbo taking orders from Wilbur to hurry things along. On that note, why a DM? Why didn't he give Tubbo the order through a whisper thru minecraft where we could see the wording? Likely because they use their DMs to push along major plot points and discuss serious matters. This wasn't just an order from Wilbur, the character, this was an order from the streamer who has the most role playing experience and has admitted to being the puppetmaster behind a lot of Tommy and Tubbo's major actions. Tubbo, who has always tried to advocate for peace, supposedly was told a trigger phrase that would blow the place up, and he said it. It was so out of character for him, that I was surprised, and Wilbur was surprised too, from how Tubbo scrambled. So, I don't know - did Tubbo know it was a trigger phrase? What did the DM say?

There was clearly a lot of miscommunication and weird things that day so all of this is speculation. However, from Tubbo' side of the stream, you can see the deliberation when he finished the speech. The pause. The silence, like he was finished, but then Schlatt reminded him (not the real quote) "Anything else?" And then. Tubbo took the leap. To us, the uninformed audience, it seemed he was willing, in that moment, to allow the chaos.

He was given a role of power, and it backfired on him so quick after, but I would like to rewind to the moment Wilbur decided to give Tubbo a deciding role. I knew Tubbo would be playing a big part this season, cause the boy deserves it, but Wilbur putting that decision in the hands of Tubbo? Wow. *Chef's kiss* Wil's reasoning was, if Tubbo wanted to prove he wasn't a yes man, he'd make the decision NOT to pull the trigger.

But Wilbur also said that Schlatt approved of the speech and would know if Tubbo deviated, putting Tubbo at risk of being caught. He was caught anyway, obviously, but there was a moment there... where Schlatt was giving Tubbo a choice, too. To say the phrase that would prove he was a traitor. Like...Schlatt knew what was planned, and wanted to see what Tubbo would decide. Maybe it was a trigger phrase for something else, not just the bombs.

Point is. Tubbo, technically, saved the day. He was, in physical form, the button. He was the deciding factor for great destruction. He said the phrase, but instead of Manberg being blown, Schlatt moved quickly to trap Tubbo and start a bit that would STOP WILBUR IN HIS TRACKS. The button was never fully pressed. Tubbo's Traitor/Spy Arc was halted, and a diverging plot formed, one where Tubbo is exiled too, trusted again by Pogtopia, and the land isn't blown to smithereens.

As Wilbur has said time and time again, when you introduce a weapon in a story, it has to go off at some point. Traitor Tubbo has been on our minds since the day he was left behind in Manberg and given a position, (once again, might I add, as a right hand man, a loyal lackey. Never the lead.) Has that arc met its completing? Did it go off with a bang?

One possible theory is that, well, no. This has all been premeditated. Not scripted fully, but I feel as though there are strings being pulled by a master who knows how to tell a story.

When he was asked to be a spy, Tubbo's position was nearly revealed time and time again but it was Schlatt who decided he was too bored to continue walking down the tunnels. It was Schlatt who easily accepted Tubbo's blatant lie that he was pregnant and allowed for so much betrayal under his nose.

What I'm saying here is that Schlatt is, in fanfic terms, soft for Tubbo. In a less fluffy way, what I'm suggesting (which has been suggested before) is that Tubbo wasn't a double agent. He was a triple agent.

I've read a lot of fucking books, and when you're a triple agent and one side is getting suspicious of you, what's the greatest length you can go to to prove your loyalty to someone? Die for them. Organize your execution. Throw yourself on top of a bomb.

But like I said. You don't die in Minecraft.

(While I'm on the subject, does anyone find it interesting how Tubbo focused on messaging only Wilbur while Technoblade was on stage, whispering 'i thought he woulded hurt me?' and the like. Wouldn't you, if you were being executed, contact your best friend to get you out of there? Or the clearly stalling 'ally' holding a crossbow to your head? But it wasn't Tommy or Techno that Tubbo needed to convince of his innocence. Its Wilbur who was sus of him.)

I digress. Tubbo didn't die, but he execution=exile and he's living full time with Pogtopia. He's proven his loyalty. When Tubbo is asked if he's a traitor, his best friend quickly jumps to his support and says, something to the effect of, "Schlatt killed him! He couldn't be a traitor!" Suspicion is thrown off him.

He wasn't even there when Dream revealed there was a traitor. He. Played. Dumb.

Meanwhile, streaming on his own, Tubbo is seeking out tridents and OP bows, working on Redstone traps, refusing to get netherite for Tommy, going so far as to trap his friend's house under the guise of a prank, and appearing in TeamSpeak calls to listen in while Tommy was mining gold with Dream (around the time Tommy was pressuring the green bastard to reveal who the traitor is.)

Tubbo has also been building a reputation as someone with bad wifi and a constantly crashing game, so he can conveniently leave situations and not help out when he doesn't wanna. Sidebar: I have to wonder if Tubbo will even stream the day of the war. Schlatt doesn't stream, and neither did the Dream Team when they were villains. It builds up tension and the audience wonders about their motivations. Granted, Eret did stream so his betrayal was a huge surprise, but recently Tubbo has, quite often, made a point of struggling with bad wifi and a game that seems to crash when he's not the one streaming. It wouldn't be too suspicious for him to claim technical difficulties so he can slide under the radar and not have snitches and stream snipers tracing his steps. This is a stretch, but it would be Big Brained to meta game the war.

I've watched a lot of Tubbo's streams lately. It's probably not healthy, and I'm probably connecting dots that aren't there.

But here is my prediction(s) for next week.

Dream said, jokingly, the traitor is Tommy. Despite Tommy's adamance, it may just be possible. He just doesn't know about it yet. Maybe Tubbo talks Tommy into betraying Wilbur. (Wilbur, specifically, and not necessarily their cause, which is not to be exiled and have a not-blown-up L'manberg.) Tommy has said he couldn't be the traitor because he wouldn't betray Tubbo (followed by "Wilbur, too...well...he is a little crazy lately" and you can hear Tubbo in the background making noises of agreement.)

But if betraying Tubbo was no longer a worry? I think, for Tubbo, and for the discs, Tommy would negotiate new terms with Dream. Another end to the war. Another peace treaty. Let's be real, once Tommy switches sides, Pogtopia will crumble. Him and Tubbo are the linchpins.

To continue, Dream supposedly has a contract with Schlatt, and in the stream today, he was leaving banners with a big red X on different properties, like in Tommy's house. Marking territory. He made a point of doing it while Tommy was streaming, following the kid around into the nether and giving shields with the giant red X to supposedly Pogtopian allies (Awesamdude, George.)

Wilbur told Quackity in the Dream Betrayal stream that he worries that Dream's deal with Schlatt is to rescind Manberg's independence. To give power back to Dream. To get Tommy's allyship, Dream may propose instating Tommy as president. Those are Wilbur's predictions. They're not far off the mark. Or maybe I'm just as paranoid as him lol.

I think Dream is trying to manipulate Tommy, but what will the terms be? Presidency? Or Freedom?

I'm not sure that Tommy wants to be president. He likes to play around and while he's shown he can be good at coordination and leadership, (for example, the recent MCC thing where he taught Quackity how to play and they kicked ass,) Wilbur is quite right. Tommy shouldn't be president. Narratively, we all know the server would become....chaos. Okay, that might be kind of fun and he's got good ideas.. I like the kid, and he's grown so much, but he's not "mature enough." Not like Tubbo is, according to Wilbur himself (this is referencing the Stays in The Pit battle). Dream has also said, in the eboy collaboration, that the only Dream SMP player in the video whose stood a chance was Tubbo.

Tubbo has said he doesn't want to be president either, but shit gets done when Tubbo is on. Nature is preserved, giant builds are coordinated, events planned (with cute little digital invites sent to players). The few times that Tubbo has shared his opinion about drama on the server (there's a moment before the Pit that he gives a good speech) he's shown sound logic, great empathy, a willingness to compromise, to have fun and strengthen their community.

There's an old saying, that those who seek power shouldn't have it, and those who don't want the power are the ones who deserve it. If peace wants to be preserved on the SMP, maybe Tubbo should be president, and Tommy should see what it's like to be the right hand man. Or maybe, they will simply run off to a distant jungle base and leave the war to the adults.

My point is, Tubbo is Chekov's gun. Tubbo is the button that hasn't been pushed yet. He may be the deciding factor to change the tide of the war, by changing Tommy's loyalties. Tubbo might not be fully loyal to Schlatt, I could be totally off about the triple agent thing, but he's certainly not loyal to Wilbur. To Dream? We'll have to see. From what we've been shown so far, his loyalty is to himself and to Tommy, and in the end, its usually him and Tommy against the world.

If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. It's fun to speculate. He's just a kid, a smart one granted, and he's having fun; he isn't evil. Unless Evil Tubbo is the next huge arc, the villain of Season 3???? God I would love that. Go feral kiddo.

There are other streamers who are equally over looked and unappreciated and have just as much motivation to be the traitor. Niki is a strong contender, have ya'll heard about the letter she wrote to a mysterious 'friend?' Or, or, what if Philza gets whitelisted? What if there's no shocking traitor at all, just Dream trying to cause division in Pogtopia? What if it's us, the viewers, who were the traitors all along for being dirty snitches? (@rainbowtransform, great theory.)

I'm sure I'll be surprised no matter what the outcome is. But nothing would please me more than to see Tubbo get the spotlight he deserves.

Let me know your thoughts?

[anamaleth]

I took part in the holiday gift exchange organised by @sanderssidesgiftxchange ! My giftee was @to-precious-to-process , who requested a fantasy au, stargazing, and a whole bunch of fluff.

This fic focuses mainly on the last wish and includes elements from the other two - I hope you enjoy it!

@ashblood1314​ was my beta-reader and I cannot thank punk enough for that! Ash did an amazing job and without stars help, this fic wouldn’t be what it is now. Thank you so much, AG, I care you ♡!!!!

xxx

Traditions

Summary: An observation of the traditions the Sides have.

Movie nights, prank wars, playing tabletop RPGs together - their desire to regularly spend time together as a family had led to them creating a lot of traditions.

"Patton was leaning onto Logan, who was holding hands with Roman, and Roman was sitting back-to-back with Remus. Remus had Virgil lying in his lap, whose legs were draped over Janus’; while Janus’ head was resting on Patton’s shoulder. The Sides found comfort in each other’s presence, a blissful serenity that nothing else could provide them with."

Content Warnings (it’s just a whole bunch of fluff, honestly, but to be safe):

Food Mentions

Brief mention of poison (no one actually gets poisoned)

Mentions of in-universe fictional character deaths (they play Dungeons and Dragons and their characters die)

read on ao3

 xxx

Weekly movie nights were a tradition for the Sides, just like the Secret Santa, and the Easter Egg Hunt that Patton organized every year.

"It's important for families to have traditions!" he would often tell the others, and the smile Patton's face whenever he said those words made it impossible for the other Sides to turn him down. Patton's excitement was infectious, how could they resist?

The prank wars all of them had could technically also be counted as a tradition, but only unofficially so. They never followed any sort of schedule, which Logan insisted was a fundamental part of traditions, nor were they really organised. Instead, they broke out whenever one of them decided that peace and quiet had prevailed among them for too long.

It was fairly common for one of the twins to start the prank wars, given that “annoy my brother until I get some sort of reaction out of him” seemed to be part of both of their agendas. Not that there was any malice behind it, causing any lasting harm was never their intention. But given Remus’ love for wreaking havoc and Roman’s usual theatrics combined with his inability to resist being dramatic, it came as a surprise to no one that the chances of chaos doubled when the two of them were in the same space together.

In addition to that, the chances of chaos increased exponentially after a certain threshold of time spent by the twins in the same space was exceeded, especially when Virgil or Janus were with them. The amount of time passed since the last prank war and the absence of any Sides that could be considered a responsible adult (Patton is not to be considered a responsible adult) factored into the probability of a prank war breaking out as well. At least according to the graph Logan had created.

Logan kept this graph for two reasons.

The first one was that there was simply no such thing as “having too many graphs and lists”, not to him at least. Creating them was a fun and useful way to practice organisation, and there was most certainly no such thing as being too organised!

And the second reason was that Logan wanted to be aware of the likelihood of a prank war occurring at any given time so that he would always be prepared for them.

“Prepared” both as in “ready to take part in the planning and semi-serious attacking” and as in “I will not be caught off-guard by my friends’ shenanigans”. He had made that mistake once and he would not allow for it to repeat itself. Just thinking about the feather incident made him shiver, and that one had happened back when the twins were on “no speaking” terms. Logan couldn’t and certainly didn’t want to imagine what the two of them would be capable of together.

For all his distaste for “wasted time” and general aversion of disorganization, Logan considered the prank wars to be valuable bonding time with the ones he cared about. This may have had something to do with his love for scheming in said prank wars. It wasn’t unusual for Logan to be utterly absorbed by a task, but for him to be so open about his enthusiasm? That was a rarity, and it was one the other Sides treasured immensely.

Having Logan on your team in the prank wars was a huge advantage, and if both he and Janus were on the same team, their victory was almost certainly guaranteed. The combination of Janus’ wit and Logan’s intellect made for a nearly unbeatable force, which meant they ended up being allies fairly often.

The twins weren’t normally on the same team, given that one of them “attacking” the other was what often started the prank wars in the first place – but the two of them joining forces was the only way to beat Janus and Logan. And given the twins' distaste (read: hatred) for losing, coalitions between them had started to occur more and more regularly.

Roman’s and Remus’ creativity, their ability to improvise and the sheer chaos that seemed to transpire whenever they worked together were a fair match for Logan’s and Janus’ genius scheming that had rightfully earned them the title of Strategic Masterminds. There was no telling which team would win, especially not with Virgil and Patton as rogue elements.

Well, with Virgil as a rogue element, given that Patton got that “I’m about to make a pun and inflict 80 damage on everyone around me”-look on his face whenever someone referred to him as such, after which he would cheekily remind them that he played as a paladin and not as a rogue in their Dungeons and Dragons sessions, which would make him a paladin element.

As much as what Patton said was true, hearing it made Logan go through all five stages of grief over the course of two seconds. He then considered using his powers as the current Dungeon Master to do something to Patton’s character to finally get him to stop making this awful pun. But, after a few moments of contemplation, he quickly abandoned this plan as he reminded himself that he was a responsible adult.

Logan was aware of the fact that Patton had gotten very attached to his character, and he didn’t want to upset him. He was also aware of the fact that Patton would be the next one to DM for all of them.

And given that Patton had started to spend more time with Janus, Remus and Virgil, Logan really didn’t want to risk getting on his bad side. Not because the three of them would do anything to Logan - he was their friend, too, after all – but because the metaphorical seeds of chaos that Patton had carried with him since the very beginning had started to fully blossom under their influence.

Apart from that, Patton brought home-made cookies to their D&D sessions whenever he was in a particularly good mood, and Logan a) didn’t want to miss out on those and b) couldn’t be one hundred percent certain that, with enough persuasion from Remus and Janus, Patton wouldn’t end up poisoning the cookies as a way to get revenge if Logan really did go through with killing his character.

This only further contributed to Logan’s assessment of Patton not being a responsible adult. He chose to ignore what the fact that he had just had an internal debate on whether or not killing off his friend’s D&D character for making puns would be worth it if it meant that he would have to miss out on the cookies said friend makes said about his own status as a “responsible adult”.

The D&D sessions the Sides had together were also a tradition, and they all took turns being the DM, assuring that each of them would both get the chance to be an active player in the game and, every once in a while, get to decide what challenges and narratives their friends would face.

Janus and Remus joining their sessions had brought the number of player characters from three up to five, which meant that instead of having barely enough players for the sessions to work, they now had a group that could face any monster or villain with ease.

Emphasis on the “could”, because what they actually ended up doing most of the time was very different from the heroic deeds their characters were technically capable of.

Virgil played as a rogue, Janus played as a warlock and even without the added chaos of Remus’ multi-class Bard/Barbarian (or “Bardbarian”, as Patton called them, much to Remus’ delight and Logan's dismay) they were capable of completely derailing every single session.

In the most affectionate way possible, they were a complete nightmare to DM for.

Yet watching them interact and build off of what the other said made the horror of being the DM and watching your plans for the game disintegrate right in front of your very own eyes absolutely worth it.

The biggest session the Sides had played so far had been the campaign that Roman and Remus had created together. Both of the twins loved designing classic high-fantasy games, although Remus preferred to lean more heavily into the gruesome and macabre aspects of high-fantasy, while Roman never strayed far from “noble quests”, “heroic adventures” and “saving your true love from the lairs of evil”.

Which was why they both adored fairy tales – the campaign they created together ended up being a modern, much less heteronormative, and almost sci-fi-esque retelling of just about every single fairy tale they could think of. It was a huge project that took them several weeks of planning and two and a half months of bi-weekly game sessions to complete, and some of them even ended up crying during the last session.

The plot focused on a rebellion against a corrupt king and his followers, led by the characters that the Sides played. None of the characters, neither protagonists nor antagonists, survived the final battle; and while the evil king had been defeated, there was no truly Happy Ending for any of them.

As painful as it may have been, it was the perfect ending for the story – absolutely brilliant and tragic, but in a cathartic way that would leave them with fond memories of everything that they had experienced. They held each other after the session was over, the giant table they conjured whenever they played tabletop games together quickly replaced by blankets and pillows that they let themselves sink into.

Patton was leaning onto Logan, who was holding hands with Roman, and Roman was sitting back-to-back with Remus. Remus had Virgil lying in his lap, whose legs were draped over Janus’; while Janus’ head was resting on Patton’s shoulder. The Sides found comfort in each other’s presence, a blissful serenity that nothing else could provide them with.

Given that all of them wanted to play something with less emotional investment to take a break from the emotional toll that the last game had taken on them, they moved on to playing one-shots again after that. Although, taking a break from emotional vulnerability wasn’t the only reason for that; Remus and Logan had informed them that the two of them had started the planning process for their next proper campaign, which they were certain would take them a lot of time and effort to complete.

Logan and Remus, as different as they seemed, got along surprisingly well.

Whenever they needed someone to listen to them, they knew they could count on the other to do so without any judgement.

Logan had known of Roman’s love for mythology, specifically Greek- and (surprising to no one, considering his name) Roman mythology, but he had been absolutely overjoyed to learn that Remus shared this interest.

As much as Logan enjoyed having discussions with Roman, it was refreshing to hear things from a completely different perspective every once in a while. Roman adored the tragic love stories, particularly Orpheus and Eurydice, and Achilles and Patroclus; while his brother seemed to fixate more on Heracles’ trials and the story of Oedipus.

Logan and Remus had been stargazing together in Logan’s room when they had come up with the idea for their campaign. Technically Virgil had also been with them, but he had quickly fallen asleep looking up at what had once been a ceiling but was now a vast, clear night’s sky. He was curled up next to Remus, who had taken off his sash so that Virgil could use it as a pillow, burying his face into Remus’ side and using him as a teddy bear.

While Virgil was sleeping, Logan rambled about space and the origins of different star constellations. At one point, Remus chimed in to give some additional information about the mythological story behind one of the constellations Logan had mentioned, which resulted in them having a rapid-fire brainstorming session that lasted for several hours.

During that discussion, they decided on the setting for the campaign: a huge dystopian cyberpunk city in which they would tell modern versions of the original Greek myths.

The D&D sessions Logan planned often featured intricate riddles and complicated challenges he designed himself, which were a perfect fit for this setting. And as much as the other Sides tended to struggle with solving Logan’s puzzles, they earnestly encouraged his passion for creating them and looked forward to what he would come up with next.

Remus and Logan, however, weren’t the only ones who had hour-long discussions about shared interests, as Patton and Janus had started having conversations about the concept of morality. Referring to those conversations as debates, although Logan liked to do so when he occasionally joined them, wasn’t quite accurate. It was never their intention to convince the other of their opinion, they merely enjoyed exchanging their thoughts and points of view.

When Logan was with them, their talks tended to become a lot more philosophical than when it was just the two of them. With him present, it wasn't as casual as when they were on their own, as Logan enjoyed having debates in a more serious setting. But even then, they still valued each other’s company more than the actual outcome of the discussion.

One time, in one of their earlier debates - Janus and Patton had been sitting in Patton’s room together, Janus’ legs draped over Patton’s, as his back rested against the armrest of the sofa - Janus had explained the concepts of Utilitarianism and Deontology to Patton. The latter had listened intently as Janus explained the two fundamental approaches to morality, one where ends are justified by the means it takes to achieve them, and one where one’s actions are justified by the results they achieve.

When Janus brought up the Trolley problem as an example, he noticed how Patton immediately tensed up. Janus paused, taking Patton's hands into his own and apologised.

"It was never my intention to upset you back then, Patton. I was trying to prove a point and I hurt you in the process. While I got what I wanted, I shouldn't have pushed you this far. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have used you as a-"

"Means to an end?" Patton interrupted him. He seemed uncertain, but there was a small smile on his face.

After a moment of hesitation, Janus nodded, almost self-conscious, when suddenly, Patton's eyes lit up.

"Like in-! Like in Utilitarism!"

The tense atmosphere evaporated and Janus looked up to meet Patton's eyes.

"Close."

"Ulitiriorism?"

"Ah, getting further away now-"

The fond amusement was clear in Janus' voice.

"Ulitaro...okay, what was it again?"

"Utilitarianism."

Patton beamed at him and Janus couldn't help but return the smile.

"Exactly! That one! And I insisted on the other one? The one where you can’t break your own moral code to achieve a greater goal, what was it? Deon-”

Janus’ expression became impossibly fond.

“Deontology, yes.”

“I got it right!”

After that, their conversation continued as it had before, just that Janus’ fingers were intertwined with Patton’s now. Eventually, Patton came to the conclusion that putting your own needs first can be a means to an end, something that ultimately leads to the greatest amount of good for the greatest number of people. He could keep his own values and stick to Deontology while occasionally approaching situations in a more utilitaristic way. He had already done so when it came to the Plato (...or was it Kant? Did it really matter?) dilemma with the murderer that you lie to in order to protect your friends; maybe he could learn to apply the same approach to self-care?

In order to practice, he and Janus had come up with the idea for Patton’s current D&D character: a Paladin who had sworn an oath of devotion to achieving the greatest amount of good for the greatest number of people, no matter the means they had to seize to achieve that goal.

Logan, as the current Dungeon Master, simultaneously marvelled at the concept of Patton’s character, and anguished at the chaos that character caused with the help of the characters the rest of the Sides played.

Apart from D&D, the Sides also regularly played board games together and, of course, held movie nights. Janus and Remus had started joining the others in both of these endeavours. They were family tradition after all, and the two of them were part of the family. Both Janus and Remus – although neither of them would ever admit to it - had been dangerously close to tearing up when Patton had first told them so. Part of the family.

They really had come far, hadn’t they?

Despite the sofa being too small for six metaphysical people to sit on, and despite it now being way more packed during their movie nights than it had previously been, none of them seemed to mind sitting closer together.

Patton was sitting in front of the couch, wrapped up in a blanket while wearing his cat onesie. He was holding a cup of hot cocoa with marshmallows in it and there were two bowls of popcorn set next to him, which he regularly passed around. One of them was salted and one with sugar.

Both of the twins preferred their popcorn ridiculously sweet - much to Roman’s triumph, because this meant that his brother joining their movie nights tipped the scales so that there were now two Sides who wanted to drown the popcorn in sugar.

On their first movie night with very sweet popcorn, Roman had exclaimed “Democracy wins once again!” to a very tired Logan, who was now seriously considering switching over to salted popcorn out of spite, even though he really did not like salted popcorn.

Patton, despite being, in some regard, the literal embodiment of emotions, had no strong feelings on the matter. He held no preference regarding how sweet or salty his popcorn should be and ate out of both bowls. Meanwhile, Virgil had just laughed at the now pouting Logan (“I am not pouting, Virgil, this is ridiculous”), as he shared his bowl of salted popcorn with Janus.

Now, several movie nights later, Logan sat, as he always did, behind Patton.

He kept absentmindedly running his fingers through Patton's hair, and it seemed as though nothing was out of the ordinary. The only real difference to previous movie nights was that he was now dressed in his unicorn onesie.

No one had commented on this, but Logan had registered the fond smiles on his friends’ faces as they realised that he had started wearing it around them again. Terrified of being written off as immature and unprofessional, it had taken Logan quite some time to get comfortable doing so again. But here he was, happy and cosy, dressed in his favourite outfit.

Janus sat right next to Logan. The first time he had been invited over, there had been a considerable distance between them, but over the course of a few weeks, Janus had found himself moving closer and closer to Logan each movie night, until he eventually found himself leaning against him comfortably.

By now, Janus had reached the point where he didn't even bother waiting anymore before gradually scooting closer to Logan. Instead, he assumed his rightful position immediately - Janus' head, mostly covered by the hood of his snake onesie, resting on Logan's shoulder.

Remus was taking up the most amount of space: his head was lying in Janus' lap while his legs were sprawled on the rest of the sofa. Roman had protested in the beginning, screeching at his brother to get his feet out of his face.

Roman had eventually given up, as Remus refused to move his legs and instead stuck out his tongue.

“How very mature of you, Remus”, Roman had grumbled in response, but his twin had already gone back to playing with the tentacles of his octopus onesie. Defeated, Roman settled for moving his throne - built out of a beanbag and all of the pillows and couch cushions he could get (which was all of them) - next to Patton.

Virgil sat on the backrest of the sofa, close enough to Janus to easily share their bowl of salted popcorn. Every once in a while, one of them would reach for the other’s hand, a simple gesture of affection that was starting to feel familiar again.

Familiarity, that’s what it all came down to in the end. The Sides loved each other dearly, and the traditions they had created allowed for them to regularly spend time together as a family. They adored each other and the connection they had, and they made sure to actively cultivate the conditions under which their bond could thrive.

They supported one another, encouraged each other, and all of them found themselves working towards being the best possible version of themselves they could possibly be, motivated by the love they had for the others.

Love, not simply as a state of being but also as an active choice and effort every single day of their lives.

Love, in everything they said and did - in kind words and in bickering, in gentle expressions of support and in playful insults. In fond smiles and gentle touches; in reaching out and lifting each other up. In helping and in being helped; in establishing boundaries and in respecting those set by their companions. In disagreeing and finding ways to compromise. In making the others laugh, and in finding ways to make their days better and easier, if only a little bit.

In being seen, for all of their facets. Their weaknesses and flaws being exposed, and being loved not despite them but for who they are with them. Always working towards being better and having their strengths and efforts appreciated and encouraged by those who love them.

They were a family. And they cherished the traditions they had created because they cherished one another.