#in fact i want to straight up expire

[arianwells]

my tummy hurts and I'm not being brave about it

[mellowsaturns]

for you, anything

JOEL MILLER X READER

summary: joel do what he does best, smuggling and taking care of you

warnings: fluff, soft!joel, domesticity, established relationship, reader caught a cold, sick fic

wc: 900

—

After spending years and years fighting to survive a cordyceps apocalypse and tolerating a totalitarian government regime, you were no stranger to hardship. But it seemed like one thing has finally gotten to you, something that had you weak and bedridden for days now, something so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but it happened—you had managed to catch a common cold.

Okay, maybe you were being a little dramatic, but the combination of a sore throat, the inability to breathe, the stuffy nose and constant chills was making you feel awful.

The door opens and on a normal day, you would’ve been alert and ready for any potential intruders but you had no energy left and besides, you knew who it was just by the creaks of the floorboard.

You peek out from the corner of your eyes and Joel was leaning against the wall at the end of your bed, looking at you in pity.

“Shut up,” you groaned, pulling the thin blanket over your head.

That garnered a small chuckle from him. “Didn’t even say anything,” he said.

“You didn’t need to,” you murmured.

Feeling the bed dip with his pressure, he pulled the cover away. “How are you feeling today?”

“Like shit,” you replied as he brought his hand up to feel your forehead. “I can feel a major headache forming,” you added with a pout.

“Poor baby,” he cooed.

You gave him a weak punch in the arm. “You dick, if you’re here to make fun of me just leave.”

He snickered for a bit, clearly enjoying this before mellowing. “Here,” he said, handing you a paper bag you didn’t even know he was holding.

Raising an eyebrow in suspicion you took a peek inside. “Joel,” you gasped, “How did you manage to get these?”

Because inside the bag were different envelopes of white pills and packets of powdered electrolytes, everything you needed to help you get through a cold—probably way past its expiration date, but still, these were highly prized. You would have had to work months just to get enough rations for these items. And Joel just handed you these…

“Are you seriously questioning my skills?”

You scoffed. “No. But you really didn’t have to get all these for me. I would have gotten better with time.” And you know that he knows it too, but he still got these things for you because he knew it would help alleviate the pain even if it was for a little bit. And no matter how much he downplays it, you know how hard it must’ve been for him to get these items. You know because you’re in this business with him.

You couldn’t help the smile that was tugging at your lips. “But… Thank you. I appreciate you doing this for me.” For always taking care of me.

He hummed and looked away, embarrassed at the gratitude you were giving him. Getting up, he headed to the living room and grabbed you a bottle of water.

“Let me,” he offered, before placing the bottle on your bedside and helping you sit straight. He popped the medicine onto your palm and you swallowed them down. And maybe it was the placebo effect but you were feeling better already—or maybe it was just the fact that Joel was here.

Sometimes, he really was the best medicine.

Suddenly, he pulled out something from his pocket. “Here.”

You frowned in confusion before a surprised expression spread all over. “Joel…” you whispered.

Turning the package in your hand, you examined its content and the slight wrinkles of the plastic. He had managed to find you a bag of those hard fruity candies that you once loved when the world wasn’t in ruins—something you had forgotten until now. Something meaningless you told him all those years ago when you first got to know each other and reminisced about the good old days.

You wanted to cry. He went through all this effort just to make your life a little easier and joyful when you know it made his life a little harder.

When you looked up at him, he gave you a shy smile. “Thought it might make you happy.”

You were beaming. And if you weren’t sick, you’d kiss him.

He started taking off his shoes when you stopped him. “Joel, I’m sick.”

He scoffed, as if you said something absurd. “Move over,” he grunted, hogging the spot next to you and getting underneath the covers.

He crossed his arms and closed his eyes.

“I kinda miss this you know,” you whispered. Because even though you were wrapped in his jacket he gave you a few days ago, in which he insisted you wear because your blanket was too thin, it just wasn’t the same.

He made a noise in agreement and minutes later, he was snoring.

It’s been three days since you caught a cold, hence, three days since you’ve been fully in his presence. It only occurred to you now that he didn’t stay away because he was scared of catching it, but that he spent all that time working and doing what he does best. All because of you—all for you.

All you could do was admire him as moonlight gently graced the features of his face.

When you got better, you’d give him that kiss he deserved.

[loveinhawkins]

Steve knows that it’s Eddie from the way the RV door sticks awkwardly before it opens, which makes him smile. The guy can break in and hotwire the thing, as smooth as you like, but then apparently turns into a klutz as soon as the pressure’s gone.

Eddie doesn’t notice that he’s inside at first, seems more focused on tying a few makeshift spears together with string so they don’t fall about the place. It’s only when he looks up, does a double take and says, amused, “Sorry, didn’t realise I was interrupting something,” that Steve remembers he isn’t exactly cutting a fine figure right now.

To put it bluntly, he’s currently hunched over, sat at the little table, eating canned frosting with a teaspoon.

“What are you even…?” Eddie sits down opposite him, peers closer and sees the label on the can. “Harrington,” he says, like someone reading out orders of execution, “that’s fucking gross.”

“Hey, I found it sealed in the cupboard, it’s not expired. And it’s chocolate, man,” Steve defends.

A pause. “Can I have some?”

Steve laughs. “Sure.”

He finds another teaspoon, moves the frosting so it rests in between them. Smiles when Eddie knocks their spoons together, like they’re sharing wine instead.

They sit in comfortable silence. Steve has the sudden thought that if it wasn’t for the impending everything, he could pretend like it’s a lazy Saturday, where they’re free to do harmless, juvenile things, like just watching movies all day. Like sharing frosting out of the can.

“God, you’re so unbothered by all this, aren’t you?” Eddie says around his spoon, which makes Steve suspect that perhaps their thoughts aren’t exactly aligned at the moment. “Steve Harrington. Mister Cool.”

He says it softly, a little like Robin had—and Jesus, Steve thinks, did everyone in school have such an idea of him?

“Unbothered, meaning?”

Eddie shrugs. “Alternate dimension. Real life monsters. Uh, I dunno, the potential end of the world? Take your pick, man.”

Steve thinks for a little while, scrapes the bottom of the can repeatedly even though they’ve already eaten it all.

He doesn’t know how to say that over the years, fear has become normal, a reassuring background noise. It’s when he doesn’t feel it that he’s really, truly scared shitless.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Steve says, “I think we all just got so used to it, that—”

“Yeah, that doesn’t make me feel better,” Eddie interrupts with a huff of a laugh. “If I think about it for too long, I might actually cry for you all, Steve.”

“Nah, don’t do that,” Steve says lightly—though he thinks that a part of Eddie really means it. “It’s more like… like I’m a duck, y’know? Calm on the surface, but…” He drums on the table in demonstration. “Freaking out underneath.”

Eddie’s looking at him with a little smile Steve thinks he hasn’t quite seen before—almost like he’s charmed.

He wonders just how many smiles Eddie Munson has. Wants to have enough time to find out.

“And you’re like an upside down duck,” Steve says, matter-of-fact.

Eddie snorts—another smile, wide and bright. “Excuse me?”

“Like, you might think you’re freaking out on the surface, but underneath, when it comes down to it, you’ll be…” Steve moves his hand in a straight line, imitating a duck calmly gliding along.

Eddie shakes his head. “Think you’ve got too much faith in me.”

And sure, it’s said like it’s a joke, but Steve holds his gaze when he replies seriously, “No, I don’t think so.”

You think I’d trust Dustin with just anyone? I saw you pull him back from the edge of the lake. That’s all I need to know.

Eddie glances away almost like he can see Steve’s thoughts dancing in front of him, as if the honesty is too much to witness.

“Plus you’re, like, my guide for what’s a normal reaction to all of this shit. You’re good for us, man. Keeps us grounded.”

Eddie laughs again. “Christ, I’m the guide for what’s normal. God help us all.” He drops his spoon into the empty can with a clatter. “It’s getting late. We’d better, uh. Round up the troops.”

He stands up, shuffles out from the table.

And Steve finds himself standing, too, with the sudden fear that he’s watching a window close before him.

He reaches for Eddie’s wrist—just two fingers, barely a touch—and Eddie turns to him immediately.

“Hey, Eddie, you’re—you’re good with them, y’know? The kids.” Steve laughs quietly. “God, they’d be… scared far sooner without you. When you were messing around with Dustin, and… Jesus, it’s the most I’ve seen Max laugh in a… in a while.”

Eddie’s smile turns gentle. “Nah, man. Any fool could do that.”

“No,” Steve says.

No, don’t you get it? Only you could. We’re all… we’re better with you, happier with you. I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else. Please fucking understand how important you are.

You matter.

Eddie’s eyes flicker across Steve’s face. Like he’s understood without Steve having to say a word.

“Careful there, Harrington,” he murmurs.

Steve’s suddenly aware that he still has one finger on Eddie’s wrist. “What?”

Eddie stares at him. Shrugs with one shoulder, but it’s slow. Thoughtful.

“Just thought I’d get ahead of you, in case…”

“In case?”

“I don’t know,” Eddie says, abruptly sounds a little breathless. “Could be the end of the world, right? And you’re…” He glances over at the frosting can, smirks slightly. “You’re kinda under the influence. Don’t want you saying anything you wouldn’t mean in any, uh, normal circumstances.”

Fuck normal. This is my normal.

“And what if I meant it?” Steve says.

Eddie swallows. Calm on the surface.

“If you’re sure,” Eddie says slowly, eyes never leaving Steve’s face. “Then… go ahead.”

Steve steps closer.

Kisses him.

Eddie’s mouth tastes sweet from the frosting. Steve can feel it when he laughs, can feel him shaking from where he’s leaning up against the edge of the table.

He pulls back. “You okay?”

Eddie’s smile is tremulous, like he’s one second away from crying.

“Freaking out,” he says, but he pulls Steve in for another kiss, so Steve knows he’s not referring to…

“Yeah,” Steve admits. “Yeah, me too.”

Eddie laughs breathily, and the sound is enough to finally drown out the background buzz of terror. He’s so close Steve can count every eyelash.

“You’d never know, Steve.”

“Think this—” A last kiss, pressed to the corner of Eddie’s mouth. “Think this is the most scared I’ve ever been.”

“Me too,” Eddie echoes.

And just before he pulls Steve along, just before he opens the RV door and calls for everyone, he leans in close, whispers against Steve’s lips:

“Worth it.”

[jazeswhbhaven]

Maybe I want Him to Bite...(Lucifer Selfie Card Prologue React) *Spoilers*

Let me just start off by saying I am GAGGING in a good way about this prologue and it's going to sit well with me until further spoilers are posted for the unholy board story. I tried pulling as much as I could for my saved seals but I only got his artifact for the erolabs account. (watch me get him on the censored version but not his artifact so I'm stuck on either app lol)

But this thing fueled my Luci lore needs. And I took more screenshots than I thought I would so get ready for another long react from me lmao grab a snack my lovelies and let's get it goingggg ✌.ʕʘ‿ʘʔ.✌

I'm not gonna lie, my ass skipped the whole looking and seeing Phenomenon because it's pretty much the same as it is in every selfie card lol

Someone in the tower of Hades sees him and then apparently so can everyone else. This time MC is in Gehenna just casually witnessing everyone being excited about his arrival.

MC brings up that Gehnna would be pretty nice as a tourist attraction with less destruction about and Ppyong is like "nah"

And further confirmed by Sitri, others simply just like it that way and there's not much to patch up each time there's an attack. MC doesn't really get it until they're like "Ah right, we're in Hell." (damn Ra-On when will you finally understand the assignment?)

But Sitri is suddenly being summoned by Satan iirc...and Ppyong is being contacted by Paimon who sent him a long ass text lmao, so they leave MC alone for a bit so they can walk around on their own and....

A new door?? Ooooo

OH???

GAMI GAM MY BBY BOI ^^ <3

So Gamigin has come to escort MC to Paradise Lost, which btw is like the epitome of most Rococo style paintings imo. At least in most areas.

MORAXXXXXX <3 *gently holds*

He greets MC first, and he hopes they're doing well but MC is more concerned with his body and wellness and he's just like "Awh only you say that often" HE SO WHOLESOME

Oh Marbas...I will never forget that time you tried to fucking kill us :D Hey buddy.

But no, srsly he is happy to see us in his own way lol

Buer is straight to business, as expected but also he can say hi too. I love that we get to interact with the healers more because I love seeing everyone's personality combined when it's obvious which King they used to serve before.

So MC agreed to a request, and Buer is explaining that request on the way to this beautiful ass palace. I dare say more beautiful than Leviathan's *cough*

Also Buer reminds MC of Bimet based on how he speaks and how he thanks MC for accepting the request and getting straight to the point. (which I think is hilarious)

So there are apparently RULES for Paradise Lost. Mostly concerning Lucifer himself. Marbas brings up the eye contact rule. MC then asks oh so I can look for less than 3 seconds then look away and back at him again?

I fucking love them. Because why are they acting like that wasn't an option lmao P L Z

So this rule makes sense. Lucifer has absolute authority which to me is an overpowered ability BUT hey it works for someone like him and I dig it.

MC asks once again, hey so is that rule expired at some point?

Again bamboozled by another question instead of MC just accepting the rule for what it is. Lol It seems like Gamigin does the same thing and he was over there like ???? :o being clueless and cute as usual.

The snake on his suit is alive???? WHOA that's pretty cool.

So the snake is similar to that like the "scarlet letter" The fact that no one really knows for sure what the snake does just yet is a great mystery within itself. But you know, Paradise Lost is "newish" and I imagine Lucifer doesn't interact with many others outside of Paradise Lost so ofc no one would know what that snake does if no one provokes it.

Now this here. At first, I was under the impression that his fangs are like you know vampire vibes but nope, snake boi

that makes him h o t t e r

And thanks Marbas, because I mean why make these rules if you don't know wtf is gonna happen? My anxiety will be lovely.

MC is just like, oh wait does he bite??? LOL

Just imagine that Lucifer does just randomly bite people. Some people do this irl if overstimulated and don't know it's not socially acceptable. I do not rule out Lucifer being one of those people.

Luci is so nuerodivergent coded. If you remember from Raphael's christmas card though, he also doesn't like loud sudden noises so it's possible that they share the same traits as brothers! (but also it's possible Luci has ptsd or similar so loud noises is a no)

MC though thinks none of these rules are even needed if they don't meet Lucifer...

He's so goddamn pretty, I'd break the 3 second rule immediately if it weren't for my own aversion to looking folks in the eyes lol

So MC asks if this was the plan to meet Lucifer and Gamigan is like yeah! But Luci is just focused on how terrified MC looks.

I mean check it. A really fucking tall man that looks like a statue, with bloodied wings, demonic eyes, and a scar across his lovely big chest, and voice that could make me cause crimes is speaking to me. I'm going to be like Jjok and piss myself.

So we go into a small flashback though of why Lucifer agreed to meeting up with MC in the first place.

So Luci is just enjoying tea quietly in his greenhouse right? And it's very simplistic in design, nothing too crazy and I think that's perfect for him.

He complains slightly about how noisy it is outside but he doesn't really do much about it because he's been overworking his wings lately (poor bby it's probably a reflex that he's always gonna have)

So he notices that the devils are in high spirits and that's when Morax comes in to give him the news.

The dyanmic here and Lucifer's reaction is appropiate because he just kinda sits there and sips his tea quietly as Morax explains plainly that Phenomenon has landed and hasn't done so since 100 years prior. That's when the war first started, (if you remember the event this likely happened around the same time he became king of Paradise Lost)

Morax starts to feel sentimental about it, and Marbas is being empathetic toward him stating it's not his fault.

Now I've noticed that they call each other "brother" the same way Lucifer's brothers in heaven would. So this for sure tells me that this is the set dynamic for the 3 nobles plus Gamigin!

Yeah? See lol

Lucifer's reaction here amuses me because he's just like "Ah so this is how they truly are..." which could for sure be why he didn't believe in starting a fight with them way back when (maybe, though the event shows me he was favorable toward dragons...I can only assume he was favorable toward devils too, maybe certain ones)

Gamigin coming in being loud and happy lol I love his energy so much it fits him. I think the only person who can be loud around Luci IS Gamigin lol

SO lovelies, part 1 stops here, darn picture limit. But get yourself ready for part 2~ I'll see ya there!

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

More chaotic Nimona headcanons

Whenever Ambrosius and Nimona want to mess with Bal they do a poor imitation of his accent

Or they’ll use British slang with an American accent 

You’d think this would get boring or the duo would get tired of this

But no

Watching this grown man’s cheeks inflate like a puffer fish never gets old 

One day Bal decided to get back at them by speaking in an American accent

This went on for the whole day and whenever the duo mentioned it he just looked at them like they were crazy

He pretends like it never happened and when the duo brings it up he’ll give them that same look

Ambrosius and Nimona go back and forth between knowing he’s fucking with them and questioning if they imagined it 

Sometimes when he thinks they’re forgetting he’ll say in an American accent “Do you remember when I” and then he’ll stop talking and walk away

It’ll send them spiraling for days 

I find immense joy in the idea that the trio not taking shit from anyone and messing with reporters for fun

One reporter got a little too comfortable with Nimona and asked her to explain in detail her “origin story” and how her shifting works

Like she's some fictional superhero and not a person standing in front of them 

So he straight up acted like he had no idea what the reporter was talking about 

And when he told them that he saw them shift as they walked in they replied in a concerned tone "Sir I have no idea what you're talking about"

And slowly but surely Nimona started to convince the reporter and the crew that they didn't save the kingdom

Shapeshifters don’t exist and they were here to discuss the economic crisis the kingdom was experiencing

And the moment when she knew that she had convinced them all she shifted to look like the reporter and walked out of the room without saying a word

No one in that room kept their job

A lot of people like to act like Bal is a hero not because he helped save the kingdom but because he’s an amputee

They act like he’s someone with an expiration date simply because he’s disabled and often treat him like he’s incompetent 

So he messes with them

A lot of these reporters will insinuate all the things I mentioned but they’ll never say it outright 

So he’ll pretend like he doesn’t know he’s an amputee

He’ll slowly manipulate them until they have no choice but to say outright that they’re treating him like he’s less than human because of his disability

And then he’ll act like he’s just discovering that he’s disabled 

Saying some “Oh my Gods my arm is gone… OH MY GODS IT’S GONE” 

People stopped mentioning the arm after that 

There was one reporter who was really outspoken about the fact that the “Golden Boy” was so easily manipulated by the Director 

And was questioning if someone so easily swayed should have a hand in rebuilding their society

Ambrosius finally sat down with an interview with this dude and the reporter just starts digging into him

Hammering him with questions like “Why didn’t you see through the Director’s lies” “Why did you lead the manhunt against Bal” and “Where were you when the wall fell”

And Ambrosius starts throwing out questions of his own like “Weren’t you very close friends with the Director and weren’t you very outspoken on social media supporting her” “Why were you saying and I quote ‘we need that gutter rats head on a spike’” and finally “what were you doing when the wall fell?” 

And this man had receipts too

He was basically silent when Ambrosius was brought up after this incident

[heliads]

there's things i want to say to you

No one on this earth can get under your skin quite like Lando Norris. It would take something insane for you to be able to move past that. Maybe realizing that Lando's crazy for you would do the trick.

masterlistT

You have one mission for this particular race weekend, one mission alone, and that is to not mess up. On the track, off the track. Don’t fuck it up. This isn’t unusual by any means– flying around corners and down straights at such tumultuous speeds typically means you aren’t angling to make any mistakes anyway, but this weekend in particular needs to be perfect.

Everyone’s on edge right now, not just you. This is the time of year when contracts start expiring, when what had seemed like a decent season might end up being your last. It’s all on the wire, and at last it’s occurring to you, and everyone else for that matter, that their entire career is up to whatever they do on the track.

You’ve already sat down with your PR manager several times to discuss how you should handle this weekend, as well as the next few weekends until you can get a contract renewal locked in. You have no reason to doubt your current team, you’ve been delivering the results as asked, but there’s always the small voice in the back of your head wondering if you haven’t been picking up on the warning signs. You’ve heard of drivers getting blindsided before. Why couldn’t it happen to you?

So yes, although you’ve been just fine since your last contract signing, drivers have been let go for smaller offenses. That’s why you need to be damn near perfect this weekend. If you get through this latest race with no mistakes and some good points, you’ll be just fine. Once you’ve signed to your team again, you can relax. Up until that time, though, your behavior needs to be as proper as you can make it.

You’ve been managing such a task pretty well this whole weekend. Thursday you were nervous but in control all throughout the interviews, Friday landed you some good practices, and you did well enough in Saturday’s qualifying that you have nothing to lose sleep over yet, at least. You just need to get through today, and then luck will be on your side even more than before.

The race will start in less than an hour; you’re wandering the grid in the throngs of other drivers and team principles and spectators. At some point soon, you’ll have to head over to listen to the usual bungling of the host country’s national anthem, but until then, you’re putting on a good face. Your PR manager is flashing you discreet thumbs up whenever you see her. Life is good.

You weave around the various cars, not so close that you’ll be accused of spying but just close enough that you could, you know, if you wanted to. No one minds getting a better idea of their opponents’ sidepod designs anyway. Above all else, you keep an eye out for camera crews; Martin Brundle’s here somewhere, interviewing some poor sap, and you’d like to keep out of his way lest he turn to questioning you instead. The guy’s got a knack for getting under anyone’s skin, you don’t much feel like an interrogation today.

In fact, you can see him right now, eagerly thrusting his microphone towards some hapless driver. You see the papaya cap first, then hear the grating voice, and– well, maybe you’ll drift a little closer than before, because watching Lando Norris get picked to pieces by Martin won’t be the worst start to your race morning after all.

In single-seater racing, everyone is your enemy. At the end of the day, it’s you versus all nineteen other drivers on the grid. This means that you should have no particular arch rival, but if you were going to hate someone more than anyone else like that, it would be Lando by a long shot.

He’s just infuriating, that’s all. It’s like racing with a kid, he never learned to grow up, and every time you have to talk to him, you walk away wishing you could throttle him. Lando annoys you to death, and worst of all, he’s quite aware of it and proud of it, too. Usually, you go out of your way to avoid being near him, but you can make out the displeased look on his face from here, and if Martin Brundle is tearing him to shreds, well, you’d like to hear that more than anything.

You casually adjust course so you’ll be passing behind Lando. It looks like nothing at all, just you trying to navigate the packed grid, but you can hear every word of the conversation happening between Martin and Lando now.

You can’t help but smile as you hear Martin questioning Lando.  “McLaren hasn’t had as good of a weekend so far as they’d like, I think,” Martin is saying, “What’s your strategy to turn that bit of bad luck around?”

Lando’s grin is frozen on his face like plastic. “Uh, we’ll definitely be gunning for whoever’s in front of us with everything we’ve got. Best strategy is to just go for it.”

Martin nods. You’re close enough now that you’re about to walk straight behind Lando, close enough that you swear Martin sees you just before he asks, “Anyone in particular that you’ll be going for?”

“Yeah,” Lando says, scratching his head absentmindedly, “Y/N L/N.”

Perfect timing. The cameraman quickly pans his camera between Lando’s deliverance of this answer to you, right over his shoulder like a devil. The worst part is that you genuinely don’t even think Lando knew you were there or planned it like that. He just likes throwing you under the bus for fun.

Martin chuckles– this must be the best thing for him all morning, really, drama like this gets him talked about like nothing else– and addresses his next question to you. “So, Y/N, what do you think about that?”

Lando turns around, evidently startled, but you just plaster on a smile. “He can try his best, but I won’t be letting anyone through today,” you tell Martin, and leave as soon as you can.

You can sense the cameras following you no matter how far away you go. Damn. And, as you walk further towards a group of your race engineers, you remember the most important part of your PR manager’s advice for this weekend:  avoiding trouble, not just putting on a good face. That hasn’t worked out so well for you now. You do very well in that race, but what the Internet focuses on the most in the days to come isn’t your result but endless gifs of your irritated face in the background of Lando’s interview when he says he’ll be targeting you.

It’s not the greatest, to say the least. So much for playing it cool before a contract is signed. Oh, PR’s going to have a holiday over this one. You’d almost be surprised with the speed at which they suggest a media activity to wipe the slate clean, except for the fact that they’ve probably been counting on you messing something up this weekend so they had to have backup plans. Always nice to be trusted, isn’t it?

The event actually isn’t that bad. They’ve gotten a good amount of you together for some manner of charity work/awareness raising/well intentioned propaganda nonsense. They love putting F1 drivers together on a program outside race week, like it’s some kind of proof they can point to when the press conferences seem more awkward than usual. See, they hang out all the time! Of course they like each other!

(They do not like each other. Not at all. Some do, but. Most are not some. You are not some.) 

Today, drivers will be in pairs, volunteering with children so motorsport can accrue a younger fanbase. Normally, you love events like this, the kids get so excited to talk to an actual live Formula One driver as if they’re typically just in display cases or something. Things will go wrong, fun times will be had, and your PR manager will ease off for a day or two provided that you do a good job. Not the worst thing in the world.

Usually, the organizers of such image-boosting nonsense at least try to put friends together. Quick camera cuts and a good deal of B-roll can only do so much to cover up the missed jokes, the cruel laughs. You’re with your teammate more often than not, a unified front, or else with one of the drivers you’re closer to. It’s easier that way. The smiles come more quickly.

That’s what you expect when you show up. Instead, you glance at the email telling you the place and the name and the time, and you see that you’ll be stationed with– no, no please– Lando. Lando Norris. Lando, the one boy you can’t stand more than anyone.

They know that. Of course they do. It is physically impossible to avoid that fact. As if you haven’t seen the YouTube compilations of terrible moments between the two of you, the Instagram posts with the hateful stares, the TikToks with captivating audios of every time you’ve slighted each other in the paddock or during interviews. You’re a bitch, he’s an ass, and neither of you get to be the good one coming out of those fights, but more often than not, it’s him.

There’s nothing you can do about it now. Causing a kerfuffle will only turn the organizers against you, and you refuse to show weakness in the face of British children, drivers or otherwise, so you keep your smile fake and your mouth shut. This is a good cause. You can hold your tongue for a few hours. The kids will, at least, appreciate it. Hopefully.

Lando’s already at your assigned station when you get there. He’s spinning aimlessly in one of the chairs they’ve given him, and you have to fight to hide your laugh at his rotation speed.

“Trying to train for G-Force, are you? I’m almost impressed with your dedication to the sport, Norris.”

Lando looks up with a start when you speak, and he hurriedly puts his feet down to stop his frenzied spinning. “You’re impressed with me? Glad to hear it.”

You roll your eyes, taking a seat on the chair next to him. “Oh, always. Do you know who put the two of us together on this activity? I want to have words with them.”

Lando snorts. “Not me, definitely. Whoever it is, they’re probably in witness protection at the moment. You look like you’re going to murder someone.”

“It might be you,” you tell him.

He groans. “Come off it. What have I even done to you? Can we not go without fighting for, like, five minutes?”

You scoff. “You’re the one who went after me on live television not three days ago.”

“Oh, you mean the interview with Brundle? That was so not my fault. He tries to trick you into going after other drivers, you know that.” Lando argues.

You arch a brow. “So he specifically tricked you into naming me as your first target? I didn’t know he operated at that level of mental warfare.”

Lando has the grace to look somewhat ashamed. “No. Uh. That may have been me.”

Thankfully, you’re interrupted by one of the event organizers coming in to tell you that the kids are arriving shortly. They pour in soon enough, about dozen children all thrilled to death about the fact that they actually get to talk to you and Lando. You’re soon distracted by the flood of questions directed towards you, ranging from kids wanting to know which drivers you’re best friends with to what superhero is your favorite.

You answer each question with equal solemnity, and before long you’re laughing with ease. You’re meant to be doing crafts and questions, so you help the kids make plastic beaded bracelets while you talk about the different colors of the flags and tyres. All in a day’s work.

Surprisingly, the fact that you have to do all of this with Lando right there beside you isn’t the worst thing in the world. He seems content to just watch you have fun with the kids with this weird, quiet smile on his face, and when everyone’s making their crafts, he’s bent over a project of his own, one that he refuses to let you so much as peek at.

At last, Lando straightens up and presents the finished product with a flourish. “It’s for you,” he says proudly, “Consider it a peace offering.”

You stare at it. He’s made a bracelet for you, complete with the same brightly colored beads that the other kids are using. Except, in the center, he’s spelled out a message—

You frown at him, confused. “This just says ‘driver.’”

“You are one,” Lando points out helpfully. 

There is a fight to not roll your eyes, and you are on the losing side. “Incredible.”

“I also made it in your team colors,” he says. He’s smiling at it. At you. Fondly.

It’s not an expression you usually associate with him, but you’re smiling too, aren’t you? You can’t seem to stop. It’s just— you’re here with him, and instead of fighting, he’s gone to the trouble of making you this. Your colors, your message. Fuck. 

You slip it onto your wrist before you can stop yourself. “Thank you.”

Lando’s grin broadens. “Does this mean I’m forgiven?”

You let out a frustrated huff. “You’ve ruined the moment. Stop having an agenda.”

“You’re still smiling despite my agenda,” Lando mentions. 

He’s unreal. It’s not as bad as before, though. Not that you’d tell him that much. 

Just in case he actually has ruined the brief moment of peace, Lando raises his hands in mock surrender. “Fine, then,” he says, “I’ll be better. Name one thing I can do to make this easier on you and I’ll get it done in a heartbeat.”

He’s expecting you to tell him there’s nothing he can do to improve himself in your eyes. It’ll make him seem like the bigger person and he’ll have the upper hand, then. Instead, you tilt your head to the side, considering him, and then at last point your finger at the offense on his chin.

“Shave the half-beard,” you say, “Please. It’s an eyesore.”

“Will that get you to stop complaining?” He asks, mouth twisting up in an amused grin. 

“Nothing can,” you argue back, “I thought you knew that.”

If anything, Lando only seems more pleased by your response. “I’m starting to learn.”

He’s stubbornly unwilling to argue with you. It would be infuriating, but for some reason, it still makes you smile thinking about it hours after you get back home, rubbing your thumb over the beads on the bracelet he strung for you. 

And, when you see him at the paddock for the next race, he’s fucking clean shaven. Not a whisper of a beard in sight. He spots you looking and winks. What the hell. 

It makes no sense. None at all. He doesn’t say a thing about it, and if he won’t, then you can’t either, because you’re not entirely sure that this isn’t just all in your head. Maybe he felt like shaving anyway. Maybe a girlfriend put him up to it or something. This prompts a frantic research session, and after perusing many F1 WAGs Instagram accounts, you’re certain that Lando isn’t dating anyone at the moment. This isn’t important information, of course. You’re just, you know, curious.

You keep the bracelet on. Tucked under a sleeve, always, no one needs to know and least of all Lando, but it stays on. You’re not entirely sure why. Luxury brands have offered you diamonds, but Lando made this for you, and for some reason, that makes it far more valuable in your opinion than anything else. It’s silly, but it’s yours. That’s all.

No one has picked up on the war waging in your head. Your PR manager mentioned once that she was glad you and Lando weren’t actively fighting anymore, and it took you a few moments before you realized she was right. Not only have you stopped sniping at each other in interviews, but a couple races now, he’s actually approached you in the paddock to talk, and what’s more, you’ve let him.

It’s stupid, and unreasonable, and definitely not something you should be devoting so much of your life to thinking about, but now that the seed has been planted in your head, it’s kind of impossible to ignore. Lando gets you water on hot weekends. He helps you avoid Martin Brundle when the commentator is out doing his grid walks. You seek him out to talk through race results. You laugh at each other’s misfortune, but it doesn’t sting like it did before.

He’s insufferable. You love him. 

You love him. 

It’s the first time you’ve admitted as much to yourself. You have a feeling that it won’t be the last. There is much more to you, to him, than just the fighting, so much more that you want to explore and express and linger over, but—

But Lando doesn’t want that, does he? Lando is a spoiled brat, a young Prince Charming who is very used to getting what he wants and not at all acquainted with people contradicting that. It’s why the two of you clashed for the first time. If he had wanted you in any sense of the word other than as an enemy, he would have done something about it at the start.

Even now, the two of you have been drunk in clubs before, have walked back to hotels alone in the middle of the night. If Lando wanted something from you, something more, he could have taken it. He hasn’t, so the awful truth you must admit to yourself if this:  he doesn’t want it at all. He’s studiously neutral, but nothing more than that.

It’s starting to gnaw away at you. Lando isn’t the only one who likes getting what he wants. Now that you’ve stopped hating each other, he’s closer to you than he ever has been, but yet it still isn’t enough. You can stand right next to him, can even lean against his shoulder, but it all means nothing.

It’s infuriating. It makes you act up, act out. Your shared friends on the grid invite you out to some gala, and you go because you know Lando will be there, and you leave early because you want him to follow you out. He does, and you two argue the whole way back, because if you can’t have him as you want, maybe you should push him away. It’ll certainly make things easier.

The two of you are squabbling in the back of the taxi about something unnecessary. Probably something he said and you escalated, if not the other way around. At last, you can’t take the weight of his disapproval anymore, and you ask the driver to let you out. It’s close enough to your hotel that you can walk, anyway. Lando can stay in the car and go back to his place. Problem solved.

It is, at least, until he chases you out of the car as well. He’s saying something about how you need to get back in the car, something about an approaching storm. You look up at the darkening sky and realize what he’s talking about. You had half thought that the distant thunder had been in your own head instead of across the city, but storm clouds are descending upon you now.

Lando shakes his head exasperatedly, hurrying you towards the door of the hotel. It really isn’t that far, but he still threatens to carry you there at least twice. His temper only grows more taut when he starts seeing lightning in the distance. It isn’t even raining here yet, but he doesn’t relax until you’re both through the door and out of harm’s way.

You, on the other hand, only freeze up when the roof is at last over your head. It occurs to you, not three steps into the shelter of the lobby, that your wrist is bare. Underneath your jacket, you reach over to scratch absentmindedly just beneath your other palm, but instead of hitting plastic beads, they touch only blank skin. You freeze in place, gaze swinging wildly to your forearm, but it’s true, the bracelet is gone. You don’t remember it coming off, but it’s gone now.

A frantic search of your pockets reveals nothing; as if they’re deep enough to hold anything, anyway, least of all this all-important thing. The bracelet was on your wrist when you left the cab, so it must have been lost while you were outside. It wouldn’t have been that long ago now. You could still find it.

Lando groans in irritation when you immediately make for the doors once more. “Y/N, come on–”

You’re ignoring him, though. Lando’s going to think the worst of you anyway, and you want your bracelet more than you want his incensed remarks about how it’s such a bad idea to stay out in this weather. The storm is hurriedly dawning upon you, and the trees lining the walkways shake as if with fright or chill, but that doesn’t stop you from retracing your steps, silently praying that you’ll find the one thing you cannot bear to lose. You can buy an awful lot back, misplacing jackets or other jewelry isn’t that big of a deal, but that bracelet– well, Lando only made one of those, and it was yours.

You didn’t walk that far when you were out here, all things considered, so you’re able to pinpoint the possible bracelet locations quickly. Either here, behind the flowering tree, or there, along the stone walkway—

Lando has followed you out, raising his arm over his face to protect from the spattering of raindrops now starting to fall from the sky. “Y/N, come on, I’m serious, we have to go in.”

You hold up a finger, still looking only at the ground. “Just give me a second.”

Lando heaves another tremendous sigh. “What are you even doing?”

“Trying to find something I lost.” You have to raise your voice to be heard over a clap of thunder which, although isn’t necessarily nearby, still makes Lando flinch as if the ominous sound came from overhead. 

“It isn’t worth it,” he says, “we can find it later, I promise. Just get inside, will you?”

“No!” You shout back.

Lando casts a frantic look up at the approaching storm, then rushes over to stand in front of you, blocking you from moving any further. “Y/N, please. What could possibly be important enough to stay out here? You’re going to get struck by lightning.”

You try to escape past him, but Lando stays firm, refusing to budge until you tell him what the matter is. At last, you give in. “Fine. It’s your bracelet, the one you made me. You made it for me, I’m not losing it. You may not like me, not like– Not like I like you, but at least I can have that. That’s what I want.”

Lando’s face goes blank. Whatever he was expecting to hear, it wasn’t that. The naked surprise in his expression makes your stomach twist with shame, and you turn away, headed back to your search once more. Lando was caught off guard by your answer, so he isn’t able to stop you.

You hurry away from him. You don’t know what he’s thinking, or, hell, why he even made you the bracelet in the first place. Maybe it was for a specific reason, but it was probably just supposed to be a joke, something to be used against you, but you kept it anyway. You kept it, and you treasured it like gold.

You run further into the storm, away from him. The rain starts to fall even more than before. Maybe it’s okay, though. If the storm carries you away, if it drowns you in the flood, at least you won’t have to face him again. You look from side to side, searching for any pocket of plastic colors, but nothing, nothing.

Nothing, and then Lando’s voice, faint because of the storm, but still there somehow. Still there, despite everything you’ve said to him.

“I wanted you,” he calls back, shouting to be heard over the ever quickening wind. “I wanted you, but you hated me, and I thought it was better if we were enemies than nothing. At last then I could still talk to you.”

You feel as if you’ve been struck by lightning. The shock of it freezes you in place, even as the rain pounds down in sheets around you, chilling you through skin to bone and blood. It is only now, once your frenzy has been replaced by sheer immobilizing surprise, that you stand still long enough to spot the bracelet at last, tucked inside the cup of a stone on the walkway.

You reach out to pick it up, but your hand meets someone else’s before your fingers can close around the beads. When you look up, it’s him, it’s Lando, just as soaked from the rain as you, but here. Still here. Still here, for you.

He slides the bracelet over your wrist, then leans closer, just enough that you can feel the reverberations of his whispered hurry as he whispers it to you before urging you back towards the hotel once more. He’s pulled off his jacket and holds it above the two of you to protect from the wind and rain. It forces you to run so close to him that you can feel the heat radiating between the slim space from his ribs to yours. 

You feel it still, even after you make it past the threshold of the hotel and stand there, shivering, just behind the glass doors. You can see the storm wild outside– so crazy to think that you’d just been out there, with the wind tearing at the trees and the rain so devastating– but in here, it’s calm, completely still.

Lando remains just a breath away, slowly lowering his dripping jacket away from your head. “It’s you,” he repeats, “It’s always been you.”

After all of that, all of those revelations and discoveries, he still has it in himself to surprise you. The kiss is unexpected, but not unwelcome, and warms you head to toe despite the cold of the rain still pressed deep within your bones. It’s welcoming, inviting, and it tells you that despite everything, every fight, every reason not to stay– it will only get better from here.

f1 taglist: @j-brielmalfoy, @juphey

[beautifulchris]

haunt you

pairing: ex!jake sim x gn!reader

summary: after breaking up with him, you decide to opt for revenge, and revenge he's gonna get

genres: slight angst, exes!au, revenge!au

wc: 1,1k

tw: jake is a cheater and an asshole, swearing, mentions of cheating, mentions of sex (nothing explicit), alcohol consumption, violence, reader is called queen once

notes: i'm back, did you miss me? this piece is part of my collection of fics! indented are the lyrics, banner made by me on canva.

listen to the song for a more immersive experience: spotify link | youtube link

networks: @kflixnet @k-labels @kwritersworld

permanent tag list: @soobin-chois @exfolitae @linos-catnip @prettymiye0n

A place filled with infatuated young adults, alcohol pouring from bottles to glasses and from glasses directly to throats. Sometimes, glasses are even out of the equation.

A young man walking towards an empty room with a beautiful young woman by his side, neither thinking straight, both giving in to the lewd thoughts and desire.

The downing feeling of being betrayed by someone you love, the void consuming you as you easily caught them. 

That was what happened the first time Jake cheated on you.

Yes, the ‘first’ time. It was an error, a mistake. At least that was what he pleaded. But then it happened again. And again.

The fifth time you caught him, you had enough. You broke up with him for good. It felt liberating, like a heavy load was lifted off your shoulders. You couldn’t explain to yourself why you didn’t leave the first time. 

He didn’t say much, except he didn’t particularly want to see you again.

I know, right? You should’ve been the one to say that. Of course, you disagreed. That would’ve been boring.

Even if your feelings for him had diminished over time until entirely expired, it didn’t mean he had the right to treat you the way he did.

Therefore, instead of avoiding him at all costs, you showed up at his usual spots on purpose.

He didn’t want to see you? You were going to make him look at you. Every. Single. Day. So he wouldn’t forget you that easily.

You weren’t usually a revenge type of person, but you felt like he deserved it.

Although I left, I'm not gone It's funny how every day you say that you moved on I hope that everywhere you go and everything you do You'll never forget me, I'll be watching you

After getting a glimpse of you, his friends would ask Jake if he was okay. He’d say the same thing over and over again.

“I’ve moved on guys, I’m good.”

And he believed it, at first. He’d find another person and it would be nice and new, but then would come the intercourse and his mind would be filled with you. He’d reproach the resemblance between the two of you.

He was looking for a pretty girl he could forget you with. Two, eight, twelve… No matter how many people he’d sleep with, he would still see your face and secretly wish it was you with him.

And when you take her home, you're kissing someone new You'll be wishing it was me on top of you And when she's in your bed, I'll be in your head You'll be thinking 'bout me instead

He felt like you were haunting him and blamed it on the fact he saw you every day. It was your fault he felt this way. You were the only one who could free him.

One Saturday night, at a party held by a common friend, Jake found you outside, a half empty glass in hand, dancing with your friends.

Even if he saw you often, it dawned on him that you looked beautiful every time. Almost like a precious jewel in a museum. An unreachable treasure.

He walked up to you and grabbed your wrist, pulling you out of the crowded space.

Smirking, you followed him without a word.

He stopped when you reached a more secluded area, but not too far from the front door.

“Y/N,” he breathed, taking in your revealing dress up close.

“Jake,” you said coldly. “What do you want?”

He reluctantly let go of your hand and you crossed your arms.

“I can’t get you out of my mind.”

You laughed internally. Perfect.

I kinda like it when I'm fucking with your head I kinda like the games I play, I smile when I see you upset

“How is that my problem?” you asked before sipping on your cocktail by the straw.

“Be with me. Let’s start again, yeah?”

You couldn’t stop the loud scoff that left your lips. He looked desperate and pathetic.

“I don’t buy back the stuff I sell, Jake. What, you’re missing me? You wish we were still a thing? Maybe you should’ve thought about me when you cheated. Multiple times, may I add. It’s over. We will never get back together.”

Everything was said calmly, yet firmly. Your plan worked, he was hurting. That was all you wished for.

“Y/N… I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I was wrong.”

“You must be kidding me. It’s a little late for an apology now, don’t you think?”

“You don’t understand…” he pleaded. “All I think about is you. You’re intoxicating.”

“Damn right I am, yet you still went and betrayed me not one time, but five!”

He gulped, avoiding your gaze.

“More than that?” What else was there to say, honestly? He never cared for you. “You know what? I think we’re done here.”

You started to leave, but he took your hand.

You harshly pulled away and slapped him with all the strength you had.

He fell on the muddy floor, soaking his clothes. He put his hand over his reddening cheek, too stunned to speak.

“I said, we’re done.”

You get what you give when you mess with me

You left him there and went back to your friends.

“Ah, shit, my glass is empty,” you sighed. “That sucks.”

You excused yourself and went to the kitchen.

“That was some epic punch back there.”

Pouring yourself a glass of your favorite cocktail, you didn’t look up. No need, you already knew who it was.

“Thanks, Jen.”

“Honestly, he had it coming. What a powerful queen move, Y/Nie.”

She bitched over your ex for about five minutes, during which you concentrated on the effects of the alcohol in your veins and the deafening music playing in the living room, barely hearing her.

“Jen,” you called, interrupting her, “I’m gonna go. Enjoy the rest of the night.”

“Oh—sure, do you want me to drop you off? I haven’t drank a single drop.”

It was true, you should know as you spent your night with her.

“Are you sure? Don’t you want to stay?”

“Nah, these parties aren’t what they used to be.”

Finishing your glass in one go, you grabbed your coat on the way out. Most of your friends were still outside. You both said bye and left the property, no sign of Jake anywhere, except the traces of his body in the mud.

“You look happy,” she commented, opening the car door for you.

“Thanks. Yeah, that slap felt amazing.”

She started driving towards your house. “What are you gonna do, now?”

“Now that I’m done haunting him, I’m gonna focus on my life.”

Wondering what happened to Jake after that?

He had a hard time forgetting you. Even if you stopped showing up, it took him about six months to move on. You scarred him for life, though.

He won’t cheat ever again, I’m telling you!

thank you for reading! if you enjoyed, let me know! here's the masterlist!

[spocktheestallion]

why joel was right to save ellie bc i have a lot of opinions and by god i’m gonna share em

so since the show has premiered i’ve seen this debate flare up again and a lot of people saying joel “robbed the world of a cure” when he saved ellie but lets be real, the fireflies were never gonna make that cure.

first off in the original game the hospital and operating room were FILTHY. and yes in the remaster they retconned it to be clean but that just seems silly to me. the fireflies had so little infrastructure that they were wiped out by ONE angry old man in a single night, where are they getting hospital cleaning crews? where are they getting the supplies to properly and i mean PROPERLY sanitize a working OR? more importantly WHO were the medical staff? what were their qualifications? to pull off what they wanted they would’ve needed a team of brilliant scientists specializing in different specific fields and i doubt any of them had been to med school recently. the outbreak was over 20 years old by that point, and medicine is a continually evolving field. those licenses were EXPIRED and even if they had experience during the pandemic it likely would’ve been in field medicine, which is not the same as epidemiology or neuroscience or any of the things they would’ve needed specializing in to get a cure. also the fact that they were saying “we’re gonna make a vaccine!” was another red flag, bc fungal infections aren’t even treated w vaccines. it just goes to show they didn’t know what they were doing. they were just reckless and desperate and ellie would’ve died needlessly.

secondly killing ellie especially right off the bat would make NO sense. what if they find out later on they need a live subject or more samples or whatever? well too late your only subject is dead. why wouldn’t they do blood tests? imaging? or if the cordyceps is only in the brain you can still do a biopsy without killing the person. again, these people didn’t know what they were doing. they were grasping at straws and even if they had gone through with their original plan they probably wouldn’t have been able to synthesize a cure anyway. the sample would’ve expired or been contaminated in the dirty hospital or they would’ve fucked up their sample through ignorance. the whole rushing straight to pulling ellie’s brain out was ridiculous. they would’ve killed a kid needlessly without a second thought.

which brings me to my next point. the fireflies aren’t exactly cut and dry good guys either. i may be reaching w this and i need to rewatch the premiere episode to confirm this but they don’t seem all that picky about their targets and civilians seem to get caught up in them a little too easy. the fireflies aren’t super concerned about human life if it gets in the way of their cause, i mean they were recruiting young kids and giving them weapons just like fedra did. there’s a reason tommy left them high and dry. they’re extremists and they don’t care who they hurt or exploit so long as it serves their cause. they aren’t philanthropists and they FOR SURE would not have been giving out that cure out of the goodness of their hearts. they would’ve gatekept it to themselves and they absolutely would’ve used it as a recruiting tool or political bargaining chip.

but more importantly even in the very unlikely situation they COULD make a successful cure AND mass produce it AND move it cross country which they clearly don’t have the resources for, there’s no way fedra would’ve let them get away with it. their fascist control is all justified in the name of preventing infection, if the disease is no longer a threat that’s a massive blow to fedra’s power. they might’ve been chasing around fireflies for setting off a few car bombs or whatever but if you think fedra isn’t going full extermination mode if they find out the fireflies have a cure you’re kidding yourself. and we’ve clearly established the fireflies would be crushed if they had fedras full attention given that they were pretty much eradicated by one guy in a single night.

and if we’ve learned anything from our own covid pandemic, it’s that if you want to effectively immunize a whole population it needs to be WIDESPREAD. you can’t just treat a few people and call it a day, EVERYONE needs to take the cure or the disease is going to survive and mutate until it can come back in a treatment-resistant variant again and again and again. and after a 20 year outbreak the kind of infrastructure you need to make that happens is gone. it just doesn’t exist anymore. fedra is probably the only group with the level of organization and infrastructure anywhere CLOSE to being able to achieve that kind of feat and i doubt even they could, and even if they could they wouldn’t.

so the fireflies were NEVER gonna be able to make a cure in the first place, they were NEVER gonna be able to mass produce and distribute it, they were NEVER going to be handing it out to anyone they weren’t tight with, and even if they had been well equipped philanthropists who could make a cure and were actually giving it out freely fedra would’ve crushed them immediately.

and i’ve also seen people argue that either way it should’ve been ellie’s choice but i disagree. ellie was a traumatized CHILD with severe survivors guilt. she was not mature enough or in the right headspace to make that kind of decision. JOEL was the closest thing to a legal guardian she had, and it was HIS responsibility to protect her until she was old enough to make decisions like that for herself AND HE DID. a kid should not be allowed to make that choice even if they want to because they’re a KID. also the fireflies weren’t gonna let joel live anyway, i’m pretty sure they were planning to kill him even if he complied.

and ultimately it’s not like joel was considering all this when he made his choice, he saved ellie because he LOVED her. like i’m sure he picked up on some red flags and knew things were sketch and realized the fireflies would probably fail and she’d die for nothing but more than anything he went back bc that was HIS BABY and he wasn’t letting desperate assholes sacrifice her for their cause. “save who you can save” remember? maybe you can’t single handedly change the world or make some miracle cure but you can do what you can for the people you love and maybe that’s enough. maybe you can never make the world go back to the way it was and maybe you SHOULDN’T but you can take it as it is one step at a time and you can do it with the family you’ve made. i think that’s a much better takeaway and i don’t like how the “joel was selfish and did the objectively bad and wrong thing” narrative in tlou2 minimizes that.

[singularsoldier]

Why Scout and Miss Pauling are a terrible ship

Alrighty, if you’ve been into tf2 for awhile, you’ve definitely seen this pairing pop up. This whole thing is probably gonna sound like I’m beating a dead horse, but I wanna give my full two cents on these two using canon material (comics, game, and Expiration Date). Before I dive in, my stance on these two is 100% never gonna change. Save the counterarguments and keep scrolling

VOICE LINES

In the game, Miss Pauling has a lot of voice lines both towards the individual mercs and to the player themselves. However, how she speaks to Scout vs everyone else is drastically different. Let’s look at Scout’s when given a contract:

Starting off, Miss Pauling is…pretty rude towards him. “Wrap up whatever you’re bragging about” “I’m assuming you’re talking right now. Please stop” and others. It’s evident that she doesn’t want to hear a word out of his mouth. As we all know, Scout talk A LOT, but if she liked him to any degree, she wouldn’t be this mean towards him. If anyone even tries to say “well maybe she’s mean bc she likes him” no. Sorry, not how healthy relationships work. If anything, that further proves my point on why they’re terrible together.

Now, lets look at other lines (I’m too lazy to add everyone):

See the major difference? Miss Pauling isn’t mean, rude, or dismissive. She’s friendly! She’s joking! Lines like these show that Miss Pauling considers Engie (and everyone else) her friends. Scout gets nothing like that.

By the way, Miss Pauling canonically hangs out with the mercs (and Saxton’s assistant Bidwell). When you look at her contract lines with everyone else (including Bidwell), she’s cheerful and having fun. Scout on the other hand? She’s a frustrated dungeon master because Scout wants to make a muscle wizard and won’t stop flexing.

My experience with dungeon masters has been “fuck it, be whoever you want”. I had the dumbest, weirdest characters, and the DMs didn’t care! That’s the fun of d&d (g&g for tf2). Miss Pauling not letting Scout have a buff wizard, and Scout not even trying to follow the rules, shows how incompatible they are. Neither of them are willing to make a compromise especially because of the fact that Scout’s a pretty narcissistic guy. He’s a pathological liar in the comics (which are coming up) to impress people. Who wants to date that?

Onto the congratulations:

Pretty standard, right? Nothing extraordinary or, honestly, anything outside of standard professionalism. Scout gets a quick thanks and the line goes dead.

For anyone else:

The other classes get something Scout doesn’t: enthusiasm. Miss Pauling is beaming in her lines for the other classes. Also, Scout has the least amount of congratulations (only 5) out of everyone. Miss Pauling also says to a few other classes “i owe you one” and “i knew you could do it”. Again, ten times friendlier than how she speaks to Scout. If she liked Scout, she would have similar lines or ones that are even a bit flirtatious. Nope. Nada.

COMICS

If you’ve only played the game, you’re missing out! The comics are great (and unfinished), and they also reveal more of how Miss Pauling engages with Scout. For example:

Immediately stopping him from talking again, and straight up letting him get hanged. If that was my crush, I would, you know, not let go so they don’t die. She has very little regard for Scout outside of “annoying guy I work with”. Hell, she canonically spends more time with virtually every other class (aside from Engie obviously and maybe Medic) than with Scout. Another thing in the comics:

This right here. Scout has been working for Mann Co. for six years (meaning he joined at 21). In six years, Miss Pauling has made zero indication of liking him. What person goes six years without even trying to flirt or even hit on with their crush? Especially when Scout is VERY LOUD about his infatuation. Even the biggest introvert would jump on that free chance.

Oh, another thing! When Scout tries to get some alone time with her (while fighting for their lives) she turns him down. Pauling would rather watch Soldier and Zhanna fight naked while cover in honey than go with Scout (who wouldn’t?) which, when you think about it, caused Scout’s death because he faced the Spy bots alone. Sorry Scout, ass and tiddies are more important than you!

EXPIRATION DATE

The long adored sfm video. While the video pretty much cements Scout’s feelings for Miss Pauling, it also cements her lack thereof. Lets dig in:

First off, we know that Scout only had the bravery to ask her out because he thought he was dying. How does he invite her? By setting off the briefcase alarm!

As Miss Pauling says, it’s “the one button he’s never supposed to touch”. Not only that, but it wasted her only day off of the year. A fact she is visibly pissed about and refers to a couple times. Scout was pretty selfish to do that. Another thing, Pauling repeatedly refers to the “date” as a prom. (“Are you guys having a prom?”) She literally had no idea Scout was asking her out. Why? Lets face it, she would say no or dismiss him yet again. Even Scout knew that, so he faked a literal emergency that forces her to visit. Once again, lying to try and impress her with a date.

So, Scout comes up with an elaborately self centered plan to get Miss Pauling to come to the base, and when she wants to storm out, he desperately tries to save face with dinner. Cue our bread monster fight where Scout confesses that he likes her. And her response? Nothing. Throughout the whole sequence, Miss Pauling doesn’t answer or even respond to a word he says. You’d think if you were in mortal danger, you’d tell your crush “i love you! Now help me kill this bread monster”

At the end, Scout says “so its a date?” To which our beloved Miss Pauling says, “well, no. You did waste my one day off”. Not only that, but Pauling even offers for him to join her on missions, which he instantly says no to. Idk about you, but I’d bury bodies with my crush any day of the week. The fact that Scout was offered multiple chances to even be near Miss Pauling willingly, yet turned them down, is pretty telling of his character.

Scout wants a date, yes, but how he envisions it. Typical candles and pretty lights with a pretty girl. Meaning, what he enjoys and what he sees their romantic life being like. Not shaving off fingerprints or hiding bodies. Things Miss Pauling does literally 24/7. You know, things she likes doing. Its evident in her vacation lines that she wants to go back to work and that she isn’t a fan of vacations. Once again, Scout’s selfishness stops him from getting anywhere near the girl he’s obsessed with.

So, we have: Pauling doesn’t want to hear Scout’s voice, she’s barely cordial with him, she sees Scout as at best a coworker, and she was, indirectly, responsible for his death. (Note: not making this into A Point, its just fucking hilarious).

All in all, these two have no chemistry. Scout has a six year long obsession, and Miss Pauling has a six year long distain for our quirked up white boy. Their whole dynamic is the age old “dumb jackass loser wants pretty girl” and lets face it, we’re sick of that. Scout couldn’t even come up with a reasonable, honest way to see Miss Pauling in person. He selfishly wanted a date (that fits his myopic view of what dating Miss Pauling looks like) and didn’t care how he got it.

I’m not trying to attack anyone with this post. Its a ship analysis, and I hope it at least points out the major flaws between them. Unless Scout changes his entire personality (he won’t), Miss Pauling is never gonna like him.

[toulousewayne]

Batfamily Shenanigans:Head-canons Pt: 3

Even though has vigilantes they Batfam drive several different vehicles, most of them don’t have a license or got it late. Steph,Cass,Duke, and Damian don’t have licenses. Dick,Tim, and Barbara have licensed, Jason has a fake license due to the fact he and Bruce were supposed to declare him not dead but both have forgotten and he just gets Barbara to update it if it expires.

Speaking of cars I feel like those that can drive have favorite or one specific vehicle that use.

Bruce drives an all grey Lamborghini or a red Porsche.

Dick has a older Porsche in green.

Barbara had a yellow buggy when she was younger but now she has a black SUV.

Tim usually takes one of Bruce’s Mercedes.

Jason has two motorcycles and a older impala he fixed up in his spare time.

Damian likes to paint his sisters nails, he finds it calming. Stephanie is his favorite, Cass only likes her nails painted sometimes not all the time and Babs picks at her nails when she’s stressed. Stephanie let’s him pick the color and the just sit in his room while he paints.

Bruce has a large collection of alcohol but he himself doesn’t drink.

Alfred has a notebook with a contact for each family member in case they won’t listen to him or needs help. Bruce has Clark, Dick has Wally, Jason has Roy, Tim has Conner, Damian has Jon, and Barbara has Dinah. If plan A fails he’ll call plan B for any of them. Diana.

Tim has Hypoglycemia.

Dick has the most tattoos. It’s only five and their all small.

Bruce can’t stand the smell of gasoline it reminds him of when he lost Jason.

Alfred will order pizza once a month. One to give him a break and two because no eats the same pizza so he has order everyone their own whole pizza. It goes as followed.

Bruce doesn’t really like pizza that much but he eat what kind Alfred orders him, Dick is a Hawaii pizza Guy pineapple and all, Jason likes Buffalo chicken pizza, Tim likes pepperoni, Damian of course gets vegetarian, Duke what pepperoni and nothing else, Stephanie like plain cheese, Cass likes Pepperoni and and black olives, Barbara likes Supreme,and Alfred doesn’t like pizza he likes the cheesy garlic bread or flatbread pizza.

Personally I think of Jason has either half Latino and Italian or Puerto Rican, Tim has Korean American.

In that same vein, I see the Batfamily in this height range: Jason is 6’2-6’3, Bruce is 6’2,Alfred is 6’1, Duke is 6’0, Dick is 5’11, Barbara is 5’10, Stephanie and Cassandra are 5’9,Tim is 5’8, Damian is 5’5.

Also, we all know Tim is Bi,Selina is Bi and Kate is a lesbian. I see the other Bats as different sexual orientation as well. Dick is Pan, Jason is Asexual, Stephanie is Pan, Cass and Damian are both Aromatic, Duke is straight, and Barbara is Bicurious but is comfortable to enough to appreciate beautiful women. Bruce is Bi and just doesn’t know it yet.

Cass is very good a tending to different hairstyles and textures. She braids Babs,Steph and Dick’s hair. She’s also helps Damian and Bruce with their hair due to over styling it putting to much product in their hair. She also cuts Dick’s hair when it gets to long and greasy.

Duke is very good baking and his sweets are high on everyone’s lists like Alfred.

Stephanie definitely is the Big Sister Damian always needed. She pranks him, teases him about his crushes, but she also leaves her apartment window unlocked for Damian to enter at anytime of the night when he feels overwhelmed and doesn’t want to go to Bludhaven. She takes him to his favorite art supply store in Gotham Heights, and even gifts him stuff for his next project.

Tim is definitely the lost child of Dick and Barbara. Even though the two aren’t together and have different relationships(another head cannon), Tim is pretty much their child of divorce. They both have check his location to make sure he’s not trying to burn down LexCorp, or if he hasn’t left is room for three days straight Tim might find it strange that all tech disabled except for his phone but it’s reprogrammed to only call Barbara and only then will she fix it devices. Dick will just randomly enter Tim’s office at Wayne Enterprises and will mess with his stuff while Tim’s on a zoom meeting. And once he’s done he will ask Tim what’s their plans for lunch.

Selina and Talia both will make random trips to Wayne Manor to check on their children. Selina has threatened Bruce’s life numerous times for shouting at Dick or Duke. Bruce has woken up in the middle of the night to a dagger drawn to his throat he knows it’s Talia and all she says is, “Don’t make me have to have this talk again beloved, I’d hate for poor Alfred to have to clean up your room.”

Tim and Damian both hate mint chocolate chip ice cream. Cass finds it enjoyable and will help eat their portions if she needs to.

Duke taught Damian how to play Spades, and in return Damian taught him to paint so he could paint his girlfriend a gift for their anniversary.

[b3aches]

On "The Lost Cause" by Cory Doctorow

tl;dr - The Lost Cause is an worthwhile read that provides a feeling of hope for the future. As with many novels by Cory Doctorow, it takes place in the near future and showcases one possible future.

A future where humanity is taking the drastic actions needed to manage the fallout of the climate crisis. But also a future where humanity is dealing with the backlash from the older crowd that fears change and the plutocrats that fund them.

The story is told from the point of view of Brooks Palazzo, a young adult living in Burbank California thirty years from now. The Green New Deal has passed, and he is part of the "first generation that doesn’t fear the future". He wants to make a difference in the world by joining the Blue Helmets AmeriCorps and helping to rebuild the lower half of San Juan Capistrano a mile inland.

Not everything is all rainbows and roses, however. Brook's grandfather and his Maga pals aren't huge fans of the changing world though. Neither are the plutocrats that lost out due to the GND...

You can get a copy of the ebook or audiobook directly from the author here. You can also buy the audiobook from libro.fm or get a physical copy from bookshop.org as a hardcover now or pre-order the paperback. You can also check and see if your local library has a copy.

This is going to be less of a review and more of an admiration for a specific trope that is masterfully used. Due to the nature of the trope, there will be spoilers, including major plot points near the climax of the novel. If you want to go in blind, stop reading now.

"If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it's not going to be fired, it shouldn't be hanging there." — Anton Chekhov (From S. Shchukin, Memoirs. 1911.)

So, Chekhov's Gun. It's a guideline when writing narrative fiction that is commonly interpreted as: every element in a story should be needed, and anything that isn't needed should be removed. You could probably also think of it as a form of foreshadowing, but I'm not an author nor an authority on narrative fiction.

Anyway, spoiler alert - Brooks' grandfather dies during chapter one of the novel. As is common when a family member dies, the living have the chore of sorting through a lifetime's worth of items. As Brooks is the sole remaining person in his family, that task falls to him.

This leads to the below setup for the trope:

I felt around the edge and found a length of floorboard that wasn’t stuck down, and beneath it, a heavy nylon loop. I hauled on it and a square of floor lifted straight up, revealing Gramps’s secret. He’d jackhammered away a neat square of foundation slab, dug down about four feet, and poured a concrete vault, which he’d filled with: three AR-15s; forty boxes of ammo; a bag of expired high-strength antibiotics; a wilderness survival kit identical to the one he’d given me for my first Scout sleepout, including the hatchet my Scoutmaster had confiscated before we got on the bus; topographical maps of LA County; and, wrapped in oilcloth, a wooden box like you’d keep poker chips in, but this was full of krugerrands, heavy and glinting dully, dated mostly from the first and second decades of this century.

As guns are now illegal, this leads to Brooks stashing the guns, ammo, and gold in the hills of California by page 80. They get mentioned a few times throughout the novel, reminding you of their existence, but don't become really relevant to the plot until right before the climax.

A part of the story that almost feels like it could be the climax.

A group of Maga terrorists have taken Brooks' friends hostage. Brooks decides that in order to save his friends he has to go into the California hills and get the guns.

This, turns out, was not necessary. In fact, it's revealed later that the likeliest outcome of trying to perform an armed rescue would have been his death.

So, it comes to pass that the guns were introduced in the first act, and were subsequently not fired in the third.

The scene that completes the arc of trope:

That was what my grandfather had raised me to expect: a final confrontation, an all-out war, a battle for the future of the human race and its planet. That was what he was planning for, and right up until that moment, as I cleaned off his guns and hid them in the construction waste, I had never really considered the possibility that he’d been wrong. I’d thought there’d be a war with two sides: Gramps’s side and mine. I’d never thought that the real war would be between the people who refused to go to war and the fools who thought they could shoot climate change in the face.

So we have the setup, the implication that the guns will be used later in the novel. Only, they don't get used. They're practically useless, and almost actively harmful. But, given the themes and messaging of the book, the guns being useless is the only possible outcome. The subversion of this trope[0] drives the point home. Having some kind of final showdown isn't the message. Individuals storming the building with guns to to save the day would fly counter to the message of collective action being the way we move forward.

The message I took from the book was that building shelter for refugees is the way forward, even if doing that gets you arrested.

That feeding the hungry is the way forward, even if you get fined for it.

That taking care of people, even if those people were previously pointing a gun at you, is the way forward. (note: ensuring that they don't have access to their guns anymore is wise.)

The only way forward is to build the systems of mutual aid now, even if building those systems will be fraught with adversity and challenges.

No matter what happens, we will always be building the future in the shadow of the present. Only with collective action can we move forward, and only if we take care of each other.

[0] so, I'm not entirely convinced that this is really a subversion of the trope. While the guns aren't fired, they are necessary to the plot in the latter part of the book. But again, I am not an author nor an authority on narrative fiction.

[therealvinelle]

Skoleboller, would you recommend it to foreigners yes or no?

Fun fact, it's actually called skolebrød, but the language seems to be shifting towards skoleboller (as they are boller, not brød).

I would recommend foreigners boller, to do with as they please, skolebrød being a very interesting option.

Boller:

900 g flour

5 dl milk (make it fermented milk for extra juicy result) (doesn't have to be tempered, you can take it right out of the fridge)

1 egg

25 g/half a package yeast

150 g sugar

1 tsp cardemum

1/2 tsp salt (optional)

150 g butter (diced and tempered)

1 egg (for painting the buns. I do not know how to say this in English. Get a brush and paint, they will look good and their crust will be better)

(This is Trine Mikkelsen's recipe, an equally good one that I've had as much luck with and that is perhaps more beginner friendly is Det Søte Liv's recipe, it just takes more time as you have to wait for the milk to cool.)

A cooking machine is recommended but you can absolutely get this done manually, you'll just have to knead a lot.

Mix the ingredients, except for the butter and the last egg. If you're using fresh yeast, mix it out in the milk and if you're using dry yeast mix it out in a small portion of the flour before adding to the rest. You want the dough to release the edges of the bowl, your fingers if you're using your hands to knead, and be elastic, so add flour or milk if it's too wet or dry. After a few minutes of kneading you add the butter, knead for another five minutes until the dough feels right. Place it under a cover and leave to swell, I tend to go with an hour.

You now have a dough base, and can do a great many wonderful things with it, including just working it into little balls, leaving to swell for however long you wish, and then sticking them into the oven at 225 degrees celsius for 10-15 minutes and you will cheer at your homemade boller.

You can also:

The recipe above gives relatively few boller, you should double it

Make cinnamon buns (use a rolling pan to make a rectangle, as thin and straight edged as you can make it. Spread butter on it, then scatter sugar and cinnamon across it. Roll into a sausage, and cut it into rolls. Alternatively, you do not cut it, but either cut as is or use a scissor to cut a nice pattern into the sausage and present your cinnamon kringle to guests.)

Make apple cinnamon kringle (same as the above, you roll a rectangle, add... whatever eplemos is in English... you dice apples into tiny pieces, boil with vanilla, sugar, and water. Delicious, and then you put it on a bun dough alongside cinnamon. Roll up, and enjoy your fantastic kringle.)

Cinnamon knots (bit tough to explain, but: you have your rectangle, now you put butter, sugar, and cinnamon on one half of it. Fold the rectangle, and cut the dough into streams. Wind these streams into fancy knots, and you now have a very fancy-looking cinnamon bun)

Make raisin buns (you add raisins to the dough.)

Make skolebrød (you make indentations in the buns, NOT holes. Just a little indentation in the middle, and fill it with vanilla cream. Place in oven. When they're cool, you have two bowls before you, one is filled with frosting from powdered sugar and water (this is your glue) and the other with coconut flakes. Dip the buns into the frosting and then the flakes, and serve to awed guests. If you wish to freeze this, it is best to freeze them without the flakes.)

Make lemon curd skolebrød (lemon curd instead of vanilla cream)

Literally anything, the sky's the limit

Tips and troubleshooting:

If you use expired dry yeast, add more. You can also add water to it beforehand to rehydrate it, I haven't tried it myself but it has helped people I know.

Better to have the dough too sticky than too dry. The former will still taste good, and a too elastic dough can paradoxically be difficult to work with (in my experience).

If you're making raisin buns, the raisins should be in a cup of lukewarm water for about an hour before adding them to the dough. They'll taste better

If you're making raisin buns, do your utmost to stuff the raisins inside the buns. A raisin that stuck out of the bun and cooked for 10 minutes at 225 degrees will not taste great.

If you make a kringle, the cooking time will increase. Watch closely as you may need to place a sheet of oven paper over it to keep from being burnt.

[theflyindutchwoman]

Why do you think Lucy stayed with Chris after the whole trial prep thing? Personally I would've dumped him straight away

Oh, you and me both! I think Lucy is a bit like Tim in that regard : she doesn't know when to quit, even after realising that things aren't working. She always stayed in relationships that were past their expiration dates. Take her ex who cheated on her : she admitted she was only with him because she couldn't afford moving out. Then there was Nolan : she spent 4 episodes agonising over whether she should break up with him, before he beat her to it. No comment on Emmett… And even with Chris : it took her several days after her decision to actually dump him. There's clearly a pattern… Which is an interesting one for someone who has a history of commitment issues with her significant others.

So if I had to venture a guess, I'd say she stayed with Chris simply because she didn't want to be alone. She obviously cared for him, otherwise she wouldn't have been with him in the first place. But at that point, she was merely going with the flow and enjoying the companionship : she didn't necessarily agree with Chris, approve of everything he said/did but she also didn't think it was worth fighting over. Plus, pretty much all her friends were in steady relationships : Tim was with Ashley, Angela was married, Nyla was having a baby, Nolan was thinking of proposing… It can sometimes be lonely to be the only single person in a group (it's unclear how close to Aaron she was at the time). Add the facts that her best friend Jackson was gone, that she wasn't on speaking terms with her parents and it starts to pile up.

And finally, she just had to relive her trauma… I can see how she wasn't in the right emotional place for dumping her boyfriend, despite how he triggered her. Lucy sees the best in everyone… If she was ready to give him a chance after the way he treated her when they met, she might have thought his apology was sufficient. The thing is, she really needed a friend to confide to, to help her talk things through… and the only one present was Tamara. Only I doubt Lucy would have felt comfortable 'burdening' her with this. That's not their dynamic. This was one of the (many) times Jackson was sorely missed…

[jonphaedrus]

how to convince multiple corroborating witnesses you time travelled

i happened to tell an unrelated story to some friends last night and there came a request for "how on earth did your father convince you that he was capable of time travel" and the answer to that one was "sheer fucking audacity and a natural charisma score of about six billion, as well as the fact that my father has never been on time for anything. ever. in his life." my stepmother even calls it "running on dave time" because it's so ubiquitous.

here are some examples for you. last month my dad came to visit us, and the day he was supposed to be driving here i called him and said "so where are you right now?" and he replied "oh, i haven't left yet." it was at that point 4 in the afternoon and he was supposed to be maybe two hours out. i was like "...uh" and his explanation was "my mother wanted me to do some stuff and i didnt do it earlier this week so im doing it tonight" (the adhd time blindnes Really is). he missed an entire whole-ass plane flight because he was running so late over the summer, but because he has weird small magic they casually rerouted him through denver to san francisco and he met his students at the gate on their way to tokyo and they hadnt had him on the flight over to san francisco and were like "...what??? how did you get here?" dont worry about it.

the time that sticks out to me most of dave time is when i was about nine and there was a party for some family friends we were going to that started at 1pm. i was at my mother's house that weekend, so he was picking me up there. at 1230 he called me and said "okay im on my way now."

nothing.

at 1 he calls and says "im just leaving now."

nothing.

he calls at 115. "im going out the door, i am walking out the door right now." at 130 "i've just gotten in the car." at 2 "i'm actually in the car, i'm starting the car" at 230 "i am driving, right now, i'm driving."

he shows up at 3pm. this is pretty standard dave behavior.

my parents had the most contentious litigious divorce you could imagine—they were in legal arbitration, like, actively in court, for fifteen straight years, from the day their divorce was finalized until the day the decree expired when i graduated high school, because my mother would find basically any excuse to do anything and then right back they'd go. as a part of this divorce, they had 90s split custody—certain nights with either parents, weekends back and forth, etc.

one problem with this was that my father was congenitally incapable of getting me to school on time. ever. i reached the point where it became an issue they took to court, because i had so many tardy days in elementary school i was going to get counted as truant, so it was ESSENTIAL my dad get me to school on time.

one night, a friend slept over at my house on a school night, and we reminded him again and again WE HAVE TO GET TO SCHOOL ON TIME IN THE MORNING!!! WE HAVE TO GET UP AT 7!!! and he was like yes right okay we have to (i dont know why i didnt own an alarm clock at his house as a child. this is very adhd of him. he of course also does not own an alarm clock, to this day. he could theoretically use his phone but... uh. he doesn't know how to use his phone) and so we went to bed and woke up—

at 8.

school started at 745.

massively panicked, knowing we were going to be in SO MUCH TROUBLE if we were late, we rushed out of the house. my father, meanwhile, was cool as a cucumber—SOMEHOW. usually he would have been freaking out too, but he was like no, we got this.

you see, he'd been keeping a secret weapon on hand, just in case. ready to deploy when his need was most dire. and this was... that he knew how to time travel.

if literally any other human being had said that to us, i think we both would've laughed in their face.

my friend and i, of course, knew my father. we looked at each other. we looked at him.

we recognized that this was more plausible than we necessarily wanted to admit.

he was always late for everything but never got into trouble and always somehow made it just on time enough it wasn't a big deal. he could magic up stories that were so unbelievable nobody could possibly make them up. he'd been all over the world. if anybody could time travel, it was my dad.

so into the car we get. it's 8:15 now according to the clock, and we gotta go, we gotta RUSH. so we do rush, driving all the way across the city to school. he explains that the magic spell requires several components.

we must be in the nicer of the two old cars (the 1988 subaru outback, as has been mentioned previously as being the car we sold to later buy the car that almost exploded), so we take the white car, because the grey car is too old to be able to time travel any more, its engine couldn't take the abuse. we must drive a weird way to get to school, because this only works when you're going a certain speed, and the only highway that lets you go that speed is a little bit out of the way, but don't worry, we aren't risking anything by going further east than we normally would—we need to go 70mph. we must be listening to this specific classical radio station. and, most importantly of all, we must drive under this bridge. this one specific bridge. my dad, of course, needs his eyes on the road, so can me & my friend watch out the windows and tell him the INSTANT we're about to pass under the bridge so he can make the time travel happen?

honestly even now (at 28, not 8) i could believe this amount of setup has some very specific powers. it's well thought out, it has a solid amount of backup in place, there's specific somatic and verbal components, and it all fits into the logic train of "my father is a perfectly normal human being". my friend and i, of course, know he could just change the car clock, but this isn't likely to happen because my father doesn't actually know how to change the car clock (he still doesn't).

so we get to the bridge, we press our faces against the glass, and my dad says "okay get ready here we go!" and he guns the engine to speed just over speed limit past and under the bridge. there's a frisson of unbelievable energy. we gasp.

we get out the other side of the bridge and my dad looks at the clock and says "oh no. it might not've worked. the car clock is still wrong" so we start panicing again. he's like "okay, well, we'll have tried anyway, and so even if it didn't work we tried".

we pull up at school at 8:30, almost AN HOUR LATE, and my friend and i RUSH into the building, expecting to get tardy slipped... except there's no tardy slip person. none of the classroom doors are closed.

the clocks all say it's 7:30.

we look at each other. we stare. we look at the clocks. we look back at where my dad has driven away. this cannot possibly be true, right? there's no way my dad was able to go back in time.

and yet... we're early for school. a thing that has never happened to either of us, probably, in our lives.

we RUSH down the hall to our classrooms, find the rest of our friends, and start yelling our heads off about how MY FATHER JUST TIME TRAVELLED BACKWARDS IN TIME BY AN HOUR. our friends, of course, have never seen me on time on a day my dad had me, ever, and my toher friend who was with me was also always late, so they were like "what??? HOW DID YOU TWO GET HERE ON TIME???" and this... this has to be the only plausible explanation, right? there's no way my dad would get us to school on time. there had to be time travel involved.

and it wasn't even the day we had to change the clocks back. so that's not an explanation, either. it was december! totally wrong time of year!

and yet... my father time travelled.

i ran into this friend again YEARS later in high school after we'd lost contact and she was like "remember when your dad made us time travel" and i was like "oh god yeah did that really happen" and she was like "how the fuck did he do that." and we sat there, wondering. for hours. how the fuck did he do that??? because it totally happened, we both witnessed it, and he never did it again. so...

after i graduated from high school i finally asked my dad how the fuck he had managed to pull of time travel. i'd gone over all the plausible explanations with my friend—was that the day we'd changed the clocks back? no, it was december. had he snuck into my bedroom and turned the clock forward? no, that wouldn't make any sense, he's not capable of being sneaky or quiet. had he actually time travelled? obviously not.—and we'd finally just been like "well, it's dave. only explanation is it's dave"

the explanation?

in order to combat his terrible, terrible time blindness, my father had decided to not turn the clocks back and leave them all running so it looked like it was an hour ahead of what time it actually was, since this meant he'd actually make it places on time. if he always thought he was an hour late, he'd end up getting there right on time!

so he hadn't turned a single clock in his house or his car back. he'd left them all running an hour ahead. when we woke up in a panic he just started laughing at us, telling us we were running late and everything, because he knew we were, in fact, early! since we were so scared, though, he decided to give us something fun to make up for worrying us, and invented the whole time travel shtick off the cuff. given how much fun we had, and how it had stayed with us, he was just glad it had ended up "working"

that all said though?

........... i do still kind of think my dad might actually be able to time travel.

[torreshalstead]

It Seemed Like a Good Idea - Chapter 10

Summary - Hailey’s US visa was due to expire, which normally wouldn’t be an issue as the CPD would get it renewed but due to a backlog of paperwork, this wasn’t possible. This meant Hailey was faced with the real possibility of having to leave the country, her job and everything she held dear. That was until Jay offered up a solution which would allow her to stay in Chicago, in Intelligence, with him - they could get married. Getting married was a good idea, right?

Chapters - 10/20

Chapter Title - The Party

Notes - just wanted to give a heads up that the posting schedule for this may change if I get my move sorted but I will post to let you know if it does. Happy Reading ❤️ AO3 Link

What happened next was a blur, there were congratulations from everyone but all Jay was focused on was the feeling of Hailey’s hand tucked snugly into his. She had said loved him. He knew she did, in a friend-kind of way anyway. You don’t become best friends with someone unless you love them but it was the way she had said it. That she loved him and she always would. It had sounded like she meant it.

But she couldn’t have.

She was just playing into the persona that they both had adopted to get her to stay here. It was an act and the words were just that, just words, without the meaning they normally held. But still, his hand was in hers, he was her husband, and the added benefit, he had got the chance to kiss her again.

Adam announced loudly that they were having a party at Molly’s, it didn’t matter that it was barely past noon, they were having a party and it was non-negotiable. Jay could hear Makayla cheering until Adam said that she could only stay for a bit before Jordan, Kevin’s younger brother, would come and pick her up. Even her argument that princesses like parties was falling on deaf ears.

‘We will meet you there,’ Jay said to the group when he realised he hadn’t heard Hailey say anything on the topic of the party. He squeezed her hand gently and she smiled up at him, the gratitude clear on her face.

‘Let’s give the newlyweds a bit of privacy and we will see you at Molly’s,’ Kevin said with a grin.

‘If you don’t show up, we will be coming to find you so be quick, we don’t want to find you in a compromising position,’ Adam said with a smirk and was rewarded with a slap to his arm from Kim.

‘We will see you there,’ Jay said firmly with a nod before tugging Hailey towards the exit of the building.

Hailey had arrived in Kim’s car but Jay’s truck was parked just a block away having driven himself to the courthouse with Will. Hailey was still quiet as Jay held the door open for her and she took a seat. It was their wedding day after all, what kind of groom let his bride open her own door, patriarchal connotations or not.

He took a brief second to steal himself before climbing into the driver's seat.

‘You alright?’ He asked her softly once the doors were closed.

‘We’re married,’ was all Hailey said, her gaze focused straight ahead but not on one thing in particular.

‘Yeah we are,’ Jay agreed, not sure if she was happy or sad or maybe even angry at the situation. He was struggling to read her right now, normally he was the only person who could read Hailey.

‘We’re married,’ she said but this time she giggled. Hailey Upton was giggling at the fact that she had married him - he wasn’t sure how to take that. She looked over at him, and Jay realised his worry must have been painted across his face. ‘No, I don’t mean it like that,’ she said quickly, reaching across to put a hand on his leg. ‘I just mean it’s a bit weird right, like we are actually married.’

‘I guess,’ Jay said, attempting to focus on absolutely anything but on her hand and its warmth against his thigh.

‘I know you said I’m not supposed to say it, but thank you Jay. I guess I never thought we’d actually go through with it but thank you,’ she said and before Jay knew what was happening, she had leant across the centre console and had pressed her lips to his cheek. She lingered for a moment, longer than she had done when she had previously kissed his cheek. When she pulled back her cheeks were a little rosier than they had been before and Jay couldn’t help but smile.

All the other times they had kissed, both on the cheek and when he had actually had the opportunity to taste her lips, it had been part of the act. Either in front of people or as practice for being in front of people. But this was just them. This was Hailey kissing him because she wanted to. She wanted to. And he wanted her to.

‘I think we have a party to get to,’ he said, clearing his throat a little and when she grinned at him, he had to grin back.

‘We should have guessed Adam would do something like this,’ she said, reaching up to pull her seatbelt across her chest.

‘We don’t have to stay too long if we don’t want to, we are the newlyweds after all,’ he said with a wink, shifting his truck into drive and pulling out, Hailey’s giggle still ringing in his ears.

——————————————————————————

Jay drove the long way to Molly’s; they both agreed that the slight delay in their arrival would add to the image that they were madly in love and couldn’t keep their hands off each other. They also discussed that their wedding day would likely be a chance for them to be more hands-on and open about their relationship than they had been in the past.

‘So if we need to kiss?’ Jay asked, wanting to be absolutely clear so neither of them got caught in an awkward or a compromising position.

‘We kiss,’ Hailey said with a nod. ‘We can just stick together and go with the flow.’

‘Go with the flow,’ Jay agreed. ‘Let’s go face the music then,’ he said with a chuckle, climbing out of the vehicle and jogging round quickly to her side. ‘M’lady,’ he said dramatically with a bow when he opened her door. He didn’t look up as she took his hand but when he heard her laugh he had achieved his goal.

He’d never tire of the sound of her laugh.

They walked into the well known bar hand in hand and were immediately hit with a wall of noise; cheers, wolf whistles and a sea of people. Everyone they could think of was standing in front of them; their teammates obviously and everyone from the courthouse, the 51 lot were also there along with officers they knew from the district who wanted to give their congratulations.

Jay felt Hailey’s hand tighten in his slightly as they both took it all in but he squeezed it gently and then pulled her into his side, giving her the opportunity to bury her face into his chest under the guise of being overwhelmed - which is exactly what she was and exactly what she did.

‘You guys!’ Jay exclaimed when Hailey had reappeared, her smile back in its position on her cheeks.

They moved towards the group, happily accepting congratulations, best wishes and the odd slap on the back. He could hear people complimenting Hailey on her dress, and he couldn’t blame them, she looked like a goddess. Her cheeks reddened anytime anyone did, her embarrassment clear but they were all speaking the truth.

‘Let them breathe guys,’ Stella said loudly to the group and Jay was silently thankful for it, he loved their friends, he really did but having them all here like this, it was a lot.

Stella led them over to the bar and passed them each a glass of Champagne, ‘only the best for my favourite bride and groom,’ she said with a grin. ‘But seriously guys, congratulations.’

‘Thanks Stella,’ Hailey said but Jay could tell there was something playing on her mind. He assumed it was just being the centre of attention, Hailey was never a fan.

When she was awarded the Superintendent's Award for Valor and had to accept it in front of a room full of white shirts and big wigs and she had been trembling as she took to the stage. Platt had organised a congratulations party for her afterwards but Hailey feigned a headache and didn’t make an appearance. When Jay had shown up at her apartment later that night she had let him know how much she hated it.

A couple of glasses of whiskey later she had opened up and explained how it stemmed from her childhood when being the centre of attention would always lead to questions about her home life which was something she avidly avoided. Jay knew enough about her past to be able to read between the lines and understand why young Hailey would have preferred to stay in the shadows. But he also wished she could see why people wanted to celebrate her now, she was an incredible cop and a wonderful person. She deserved all the awards and accolades but he also knew that old habits die hard.

‘You okay?’ He murmured into her ear on the pretence of giving her a kiss on the cheek, his lips brushing against her ear.

He pulled back so he could see her face and she gave him a tiny nod and a shy smile, he wasn’t sure he believed her but Violet had come over to congratulate them and prevented him from asking any further questions.

——————————————————————————

The next hour or so continued in the same manner. The biggest drama was when Jordan arrived to pick up Makayla and the little girl refused to go before she had a photo shoot with Hailey. She demanded that since they both had pretty dresses on they had to get some pictures. Jay watched from the side as Makayla directed Hailey into various poses and Kim happily obliged to be their photographer. It was adorable to watch and he intended to get Kim to send him some of the shots - the one of them both holding out their skirts as if they were curtsying was precious and he needed a copy of it.

Once Mak had left, getting a round of applause from the group as she walked out waving like the Queen, the music was turned up and the party got far louder than it should be for 3pm on a Saturday afternoon.

Hailey and he stayed away from the dance floor, happy just to watch others indulge and lean against the bar, his arm still firmly around her waist and both of their hands not without a drink at any point.

Suddenly Hermann’s voice came through the AV system, ‘seeing as they are both avoiding the dance floor, maybe they were just waiting for the perfect song for their first dance. I am pleased to introduce the newlyweds who I have reliably been informed are not taking each other’s names but I’m old fashioned so please welcome Mr and Mrs Halstead for their first dance!’

Jay’s palms suddenly went sweaty when the music changed from the dance music that had been playing to a slow acoustic song he didn’t recognise. Hands were pushing him and Hailey towards the space that had been cleared for a dance floor and he realised there was no way they were getting out of this one. He glanced down at Hailey and she smiled up at him with the ‘it’s okay’ look that he had gotten familiar with since they had started this charade. He reached down and gave her a quick peck on the lips and then dramatically offered her his hand.

She blushed but accepted all the same and let him lead her on to the dance floor. The crowd was cheering and clapping for them but he chose to focus only on the woman holding his hand. He spun her around before pulling her into his arms, smiling at the childish giggle she let out. He held her close, an arm around her back, the other holding her hand tight to his chest, swaying in time to the music, letting the words wash over him.

You felt like home

Something so right in your eyes

Starting to believe we were always meant to be

He felt Hailey lean her head against his shoulder and couldn’t resist dropping a kiss to her head. He may be mistaken but he thought he felt her pull herself just a little closer when he did.

What are the chances you and I would be side by side

And I could never count the millions of miles in the world, but somehow

What are the chances you and I would be side by side.

As the music picked up, he was glad when others joined them on the dance floor and everyone was no longer solely focused on him and Hailey. Neither of them made a move to let go of each other however, nor to amend their dancing style to the faster beat of the middle of the song. They continued to sway slowly, their bodies as close as they could be, neither letting go.

Must be more than just right place right time, baby

As the music came to an end, he realised that Hailey had gone stiff in his arms, her hand no longer holding his comfortably but clutching it tightly as if her life depended on it.

He leant down so he could whisper in her ear, ‘Hails, what’s wrong?’ But he just felt her shake her head against him and press herself up against him even further, but it was no longer providing him the joy it was before. It was as though he was her life raft and she needed him for survival.

He was about to ask her again, no longer believing her when she said she was okay but a chant of ‘speech speech’ had started up as soon as the song died down.

‘Come on, time for the groom to give a speech,’ Will said loudly into the mic, having clearly wrestled it from Hermann’s grip. Jay shot him a glare but Will just winked back in response.

Hailey pulled back and pushed him gently towards his brother, the smile on her face small and Jay wasn’t sure it was completely genuine but he couldn't ask her about it now.

‘Fine fine,’ Jay said in defeat, his arms flying up in the air as he accepted the microphone from his brother.

‘I’ll have make it short and sweet because my darling brother here didn’t see fit to warn me in advance,’ Jay said to a smattering of chuckles from the crowd.

‘As many of you know, Hailey and I have been partners for a long time,’ Jay started, thinking quickly on his feet to say something that would appease the group, his eyes fixed on Hailey as he spoke. Kim had come up next to her and had wrapped an arm around her but he could still see that Hailey’s smile didn’t quite meet her eyes. ‘Somewhere along the line, she stopped being just my partner and became my best friend and then we fell in love.’ The crowd oohed and Jay blushed. ‘Yes, we’re adorable. But seriously, asking Hailey to marry me was the easiest and best decision of my life and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with her by my side,’ he finished with a smile, and passed the microphone back to Will.

‘To Hailey,’ Will said, raising his glass in the direction of Hailey. The crowd echoed it back.

Jay strolled back towards Hailey and pulled her into a hug, she responded in kind and wrapped her arms around his back but he heard her whisper into his ear, ‘can we go home please?’ Her voice was quiet and shaky, unlike Hailey’s normally steady tone and her heads were holding on to back tightly, the fingers digging into the fabric of his jacket.

‘Okay,’ he said, not wanting to put her on the spot and question what had changed in her mood from a few hours ago. Taking off his jacket and wrapping it around her he tucked her back under his arm and headed towards the door. It was too much to think they could sneak out unnoticed but he was prepared to take the comments and the snickers as they bailed on their own wedding party, anything to get Hailey out of somewhere she was clearly uncomfortable.

As usual, she was his priority and something was obviously wrong right now.

Lyrics from Side by Side - The Shires

[paradoxcase]

As Yet Unsent, Part 1

I think I said earlier that only Magnus and Abigail were allowed to be straight in this story, this clearly has not stopped being the case

This seems like a complete story, and ends with "FILE ENDS HERE" but it really doesn't fully explain how Camilla and Corona and Judith came to be on that one planet in the middle of the story, so someone please tell me if there's more to this story somewhere else that I'm missing. It does answer the question of why BOE didn't just kill Judith, though

I guess that's named after Pyrrha?

Is regrowing internal organs a technology that the Nine Houses have independent of necromancy, or does she mean "they failed to regrow my stomach and bowel because they don't have access to necromancy"?

So I guess these are former BOE planets that the Nine Houses have occupied

I guess probably for the same reason that John's sperm did not die even after all that time? And there was evidence at the end of the book that Gideon was not actually dead. So possibly it's just that Gideon literally cannot die, because because she came (partially) from John's body, and her body is not actually dead so much as just temporarily missing its soul, since Harrow performing the Eightfold Word caused Gideon's soul to wind up in Harrow's body. Which means that Harrow didn't actually do anything special there, like whatever happened with G1deon and Pyrrha didn't happen with Harrow and Gideon, it's just that Gideon literally cannot die, and possibly this also means that Harrow is unable to completely absorb her soul, which also explains why she failed to die after breathing nerve gas as a baby

I thought this might be cleared up later, but it wasn't, and I still don't know what this is about. I'm not even sure if Source Gram is meant to be a BOE name, or something else entirely

Interesting reference to Plato given that supposedly no one in this society remembers Plato

I don't think either of these guesses are correct. Corona didn't want to be seen as a necromancer, she wanted to be her sister's cavalier, and at the end of this story, she wants to be Judith's cavalier. And Ianthe obviously resents being placed under the pressure of having to fake her sister's necromantic abilities all her life, and seems to have resented that everyone assumed Corona was the better necromancer at least somewhat, so I doubt this was her idea, either

I'm still not sure exactly what is meant by "thanergenic conversion" here. "Thanergenic planet" was previously defined in the Gideon the Ninth glossary as meaning a planet that generates thanergy on a stable basis, i.e. just the planets of the Nine Houses, whereas planets that are merely dying or dead are just "thanergy planets", so the usage of "thanergenic" seems incorrect here. Regular organic humans do in fact seem to be able to live on planets in the Nine Houses, and I would think that if they can live on a thanergenic planet they should also be able to live on a dead/thanergy planet, or at least that's what I would assume. It was said a couple of times in Harrow the Ninth that life on thanergy planets changed or was mutated by thanergy, but not that they actually became uninhabitable. If it does make them uninhabitable, why kill the planets? Since denizens of the Nine Houses are just as much organic humans as the BOE population, it seems like killing planets for the hell of it and not in order to make a resurrection beast less powerful like what the Lyctors were doing in Harrow the Ninth would be dumb and counterproductive and not something that anyone would want to do intentionally. Is it something like that necromancers being present on a planet just inherently causes it to die?

I wonder what the "services" were that were promised in lifetime contracts, presumably they are no longer being offered. It is kind of funny and evil that John signed contracts that would only expire on his death, and it's also kind of funny that Judith is like, he's called the Emperor Undying, of course that means he's not going to die, given that probably no one believed in necromancy or that John was actually a god or anything like that at the time, and I'm sure plenty of despots have called themselves something similar. It kind of reminds me of back when I was playing CKII and managed to become immortal, and then of course immediately created a tributary arrangement with Venice that was set to expire when I died, and then, as a bonus, when the Doges died, the tributary contract was inherited not just by the next elected Doge, but also by the heir to the old Doge's patrician house, so as a result I eventually had all five patrician houses as eternal tributaries without any extra effort on my part and was rolling in money. My god, did I actually play CKII as John Gaius? I love when someone does something evil in a book and I'm like, yeah, I totally would have done that/actually did that once in CKII

So Judith is all caught up on this now. I wonder if Corona told all of this to BOE, or if she just told it to Judith. I guess with how she's described in this story, she doesn't really have much reason to not tell it to BOE also

I wonder how much of Judith's supposition here is true. Corona obviously felt betrayed that Ianthe chose to use Naberius's soul and not hers, but that seems like it would be a personal issue she would later have to resolve with Ianthe and not something that would turn her against the whole Nine Houses or immediately turn her pro-BOE. Everyone here is an unreliable narrator, so it's hard to judge what's correct or incorrect about BOE's complaints. I think I trust Camilla to have the most sensible takes on this situation, but it's not even really clear from Judith's POV to what extent Camilla agrees with Corona. Judith doesn't seem to think she does agree with Corona, but Camilla says nothing against Corona in this whole account, she just doesn't attempt to actively convert Judith to the cause, which is probably sensible regardless of what Camilla actually believes, and Corona mainly seems to be trying to convert Judith mainly because she likes Judith and wants her to be on the same side of things

So it was actually true that Cytherea was working for Blood of Eden. It strikes me now how funny it was that John is fighting a myriad-long war with BOE and then he's just like, oh, ho, hum, a demigod that I trusted implicitly for thousands of years turned out to be working for my sworn enemy, that's unfortunate. And then later he's like, oh, Mercy and Augustine were also working with BOE and G1deon was having an affair with the top BOE commander? That's fine, you're all forgiven. He doesn't start saying "if you don't swear loyalty to me right now you die" until Mercy disintegrates him. Like, until that point he's not really acting like the commander in chief of a war effort at all, being personally invested in a war turns basically everyone into a paranoid asshole (and we've been given to understand that John is very personally invested in this war), you would presumably expect him to take treason pretty seriously and make an effort to find out if any other Lyctors were involved in it, etc., but he just doesn't seem to care, so when he said that he thought Cytherea was working for BOE he just sounded like a petulant child, and not like he genuinely suspected her

I just want to say here that it's so funny how this account starts out as like an official intelligence document for the Cohort to read, and then she writes about how pretty Corona is, and her whole thing with Marta, and every single petty argument she has with Corona, and what she thinks about Camilla and Palamedes' relationship, and the things Corona says to her when she thinks Judith is dying, and at the end of it she's like, you know what? I hope nobody ever reads this actually

So on the first readthrough, Judith makes it sound like Corona is being intentionally antagonistic, but in retrospect after reading the rest of this, I think she is just trying to have a conversation with her to try to deprogram her a bit, she's not saying anything particularly radical here and I'm sure the thing about killing Judith was either a joke or just her expressing exasperation, but Judith takes it seriously and has a fight about it. I feel like Corona might be too used to the kind of relationship she had with Naberius, where she did actually seem to like him quite a bit but both she and Ianthe would mock him and throw him under the bus constantly and he would just take it, and Judith doesn't respond well to this kind of interaction. I think she probably liked Judith precisely because she did talk back to her, when I get the feeling that most people in her life didn't, even when she said something that deserved it. And you see clearly at the end of this that she doesn't 100% agree with BOE, she's not actually "radicalized" as Judith claims. It sounds like she thinks that either side winning would be a bad thing for different reasons

It's interesting that she thinks her relationship with Camilla is entirely based on her relationship with Palamedes, and it doesn't even occur to her that she also critically misjudged Camilla, or that she should at some point apologize directly to Camilla for having her cavalier attack her with the intent of beating her up for their keys

I guess she means that Camilla is still grieving Palamedes, and she is still getting over what she perceives as Ianthe's rejection, and therefore that's unrealistic?

Corona is very funny when she's being mean, and it's also funny to see it here (and in the previous section) being written out in this completely flat way

When I originally read this, I figured they meant a piece of niche pornography from the Nine Houses themselves, like one Gideon's magazines or something, but now, thinking about it again, I wonder if it's actually that this idea became a common porn trope within BOE, and then became mainstream to the point where no one questions it anymore

From the part about the stele, I'm guessing they probably wanted a captive necromancer to work it for them, but if the purpose of Cytherea disrupting the Lyctor trial was to capture a necromancer, why did they have her try to kill everyone?

This is weirdly self-aware? She's being unreasonable because she's injured and unhappy for a variety of reasons, and can't/won't verbally acknowledge that to Camilla, but she'll record it in this diary in this very detached way. I feel like she must have been trained very well in this style of writing reports, to the point where she can still do it even when she's this upset

And then immediately after that, there's this part where Judith apparently doesn't realize how she comes off to everyone else. I wonder if it's just like a Second House thing, where they are raised to interact with people in a particular way, and no one there sees it as weird or offputting, or if this is just Judith

Honestly, this whole little bit here was great praise for Camilla, and Judith doesn't even seem to realize it? Haha

I'm not sure if Judith doesn't want to talk to Camilla about what she was thinking during the duel because she realizes she was being unreasonable, or because she was thinking unflattering things about Camilla, or for some other reason. But I guess if she idolized Marta this much, maybe that explains why she was so sure she could win that fight without even doing any research on Camilla first

I guess if Palamedes had wound up in this situation instead of Camilla, he might have been able to do a better job healing Judith. But BOE probably would have treated him the same way they are treating Judith, and probably wouldn't have told him whatever it was they told Camilla about their connections to the Sixth House

It's interesting that she reframes this whole thing into "necromancers have romantic and/or sexual relationships with their cavaliers necessarily causes codependency" rather than "she just wasn't into me" but I guess that's probably easier to stomach? Like never mind that Magnus and Abigail seem to have a perfectly reasonable relationship. And if I'm understanding correctly here, I think she's assuming that because Camilla and Palamedes had what she perceives to be an unhealthy relationship, it must be because they also had a romantic and/or sexual relationship as well? She created this whole narrative to I guess recover from rejection and now assumes that this applies to everyone else as well

I think I saw a post somewhere about how necromancer/cavalier romantic relationships were essentially the queer relationships of this world, where same-sex relationships are considered normal and unstigmatized, and that does seem to track with this story

I would love to hear this story from Marta's perspective, this sounds so awkward for her

Opinion of unknown popularity: the cavalier/necromancer relationship as idealized by this society is already codependent, regardless of whether or not it's romantic or sexual. Like obviously some people manage to do it in a healthy way, like Magnus and Abigail, and Camilla and Palamedes and Isaac and Jeannemary seemed fine, basically, but like, I don't think this relationship that Judith had with Marta was ever really healthy, regardless of romantic feelings, etc., and the way Gideon started seeing her relationship with Harrow after the pool scene when she really leaned into being Harrow's cavalier also seems very unhealthy, and the whole thing was conceived of as a way to facilitate the necromancer becoming a Lyctor by consuming the cavalier's soul

I wonder if Camilla ever told Judith about how Palamedes bound his spirit to his bones precisely for being able to persist beyond death. I guess there was probably no reason for her to do that. I also wonder how much of Camilla's reaction is because of Judith telling her that she was doing the cavalier/necromancer relationship wrong, and how much of it was because Judith seems to have assumed that they had a romantic and/or sexual relationship of some kind

So I guess the degree of hereditary rule varies from House to House? Like, Judith is the scion of the Second House because she was the Fleet Admiral's oldest child, but it's not actually guaranteed that she will later become the Fleet Admiral herself, whereas the Third House seems to have more hereditary titles, and makes more use of European royalty terminology. I'm still not sure what the status of the words "king" and "queen" is in this society, or what they mean to these characters

It's interesting that they've known each other for thirteen years and had such different ideas about what their relationship actually was. Corona constantly sent her flowers (I guess red is Second House color and purple is a Third House color?) and invited her to her birthday every year and Judith is like, yeah, we're just acquaintances. Corona made everyone else love her and Judith was the only person who resisted, so she was the person that Corona actually liked and felt wasn't being fake with her, I guess? And now she feels like even Judith isn't being real with her. And Judith is willing to tell her story about her whole relationship with Marta to Camilla, who is a stranger who she had Marta physically attack at Canaan House, but she won't mention it to Corona, because she doesn't consider them to be close enough. Gideon thought that Palamedes' relationship with Dulcinea was tragic, and I disagreed with that, it was honestly just weird, but I feel like these are the real tragic relationships here. Judith hero-worshipped and fell in love with Marta and read books to impress her and she didn't return her feelings; Corona wanted so much to be friends with Judith and sent her flowers and read war stories to impress her and she didn't return her feelings, and got rejected for being her cavalier. This is the real tragedy

Was Mercy seriously like "Eugh! Why don't you people who hate necromancers do Lyctor-level necromancy to heal people???"

So it seems like maybe Mercy did intentionally direct them to the planet where Camilla bumped into Harrow, but there still isn't any reason given for why she did that. Or... maybe Mercy actually directed them to the moon that she went to when she left Harrow by herself on the planet, and Camilla et. al. escaped somehow in the shuttle to go down to the planet to meet Harrow? They might have let Corona go, but they seem more wary of Camilla and there's no way they got Judith down to the planet with BOE's permission, and it actually seems kind of odd to bring Judith on that trip anyway, it would have been both inconvenient and more difficult to get her out and she wasn't really needed for Harrow to check if Palamedes was still around. And how did they know that Harrow was down there? I guess maybe Mercy told BOE when she met with them on the moon? I would have liked an actual explanation of how this all happened

Or did Judith somehow work out how to steal the shuttle? Except, it sounds like since Judith didn't think that Camilla's attachment to Palamedes was healthy, she'd be unlikely to this for Camilla

Wow, I put too many images in this post, tumblr actually cut me off. See you in the next post I guess