#internalised arophobia

[conhivemindcent]

Oh yea it’s pride month.

So uh… I think I’m aromantic. Maybe. I already know I’m asexual but I’m just afraid to say I’m also aromantic

Because from what I’ve seen on tumblr, so much of aromanticism is people expressing their pride of not feeling romantic love but I kinda want to. I want to feel that security and comfort in a relationship, to feel as though I can fully open myself up to my partner.

I want to read cheesy fanfictions where characters just spend a lot of time smushed together in love. I like notoriously-hated-by/aromantic tropes like soulmates. I feel afraid to say I am aromantic and turn out to be wrong. I feel like saying “hey I’m aro” and still liking romance will be seen as wrong. I don’t want to label myself as something that ends up being wrong for me, and then feeling like I’ve betrayed a community that is pretty close to mine.

Maybe it’s because I got very stereotypically into the asexual cliche (disliking sexual content) and thus my brain is tuned in to me being a cliche, so when I fall out of it it thinks I’m wrong. I’m not sure

What I am sure of is if any of my friends or someone online expressed this, I’d say it’s fine and you can identify how you like. But for me I can’t do that. Because I feel as though I need to be 100% correct. Like being aromantic is the final pit stop and if you leave you were a phony all along.

I just… idk. I think I’m aromantic but I still want love. And I think that makes me a horrible person. Even if it doesn’t, I still feel that way cause I’ve seen so many people on here who are aro who feel so antagonistic to love. And I’m aware that’s a me issue, I’ve never been good at social cues, especially online

This is definitely internalised fear. But idk I feel like I can’t say it despite thinking it’s true. I’m sorry

[tragedykery]

longing for moonlight

i stand underneath the moon’s watchful gaze in a night that feels too much like ink. it fills my lungs with shaky breaths yet slips and i am left bereft longing for something i can have. something i can hold.

i think if i reach out through the threshold of my window, through this pitch-black emptiness —not quite styx nor lethe, existence nor oblivion, this something-nothing defined by absence— if i reach far enough, my outstretched hands will catch on moonlight spidersilk unspooling at a gentle, desperate touch.

if i tried, if i could i would have something real. something that doesn’t crumble in my carelessness, something kind and steady and tangible. something to hold and be held by.

yet i stand still. do nothing but sing into the quiet night a skylark’s song of longing or sorrow and hope the moon will hear —but know she cannot soothe my worries and i will have to make peace with the light that is supposed to (but does not, cannot) shine within myself.

i stand underneath the moon’s watchful gaze clutching my chest to keep my shadows from spilling out into the nothing-night once again defined by inability or inaction.

fuck it. have a (mostly) unedited poem

[wings-of-angels]

Seeing several friends get into relationships when i dont know if i'll ever even want a relationship

[our-arospec-experience]

being cupio just sucks

.

[unrelaxing]

menstruating and my ass has pmdd so these are just hormones, but -

I was reading through a family's old insurance. It was a couple with one daughter. The couple was born in 1990; their daughter was four. As I looked at this two page .pdf - very similar to the twenty other .pdfs I'd looked at before, I felt a really deep sense of loss about the person I didn't become.

It was a strange feeling, because it wasn't about wanting a husband and a child. It was about not wanting a husband and child. The loss wasn't about what I didn't have, but about not having the desire to have it.

Why didn't I want this could-be-perfect thing? If I could want it, I could work towards it, and I could have this neat little unit that's easily digestible. Neat little one word descriptors. SELF, HUSBAND, CHILD.

I don't even know why I wanted to want it, in that moment. It sounds like a desire for something I felt was easy to want. It wasn't the actual achieving of the thing - a cohesive family unit is actually hard to achieve, and my desire of absolutely nothing is the easiest thing to achieve of all.

Actually, it's not just that I wanted it because it was easy. I also wanted it because in that moment, I wanted to just want something, period. That was the sense of loss I was experiencing. I was mourning something I was missing that a lot of other people weren't.

I feel like in a lot of online spaces, the people I see have already gotten over this stage of their queerness. They're already at pride and acceptance and joy at their identity. I accept it, and I'm open about it, but now I realise that I don't always feel joy, and that I feel like who I am is not just difference, but lacking.

When I thought I was bisexual, I felt different. I could celebrate that difference. Realising I was aromantic and asexual feels less like a difference and more like being incomplete.

[adaines-furious-feast]

Is it healthy for my favourite character to be the personification of a fear I very much have? Possibly note. But they're adorable so...?

[bugwolfsstuff]

I'm sorry I'm not being proud enough the little girl inside me is still clinging to the idea of getting married and kissing on beaches and stuff and being someone's everything because she was told true love was everything and without it she is pathetic.

[delusion-of-negation]

me: "idk man I think many of the posts with screens of asexuals getting angry and shamey are fake, obviously so... but there are actual legit examples of people saying uncalled for stuff. I'd ask people to like take a second to think about what they say. it isn't everyone or whatever, it's just a few douchebags tbqh. but that doesn't make it fine to spam insulting comments on hornyposts about how allosexuals are a bunch of sex-crazed gross animals."

someone: "actually, you just don't understand how it feels to be constantly subjected to ace or arophobia, it's okay to fight back"

me, who experiences arophobia word-for-word like those posts:

[lovelessfirst]

AFW 2023 Day One

@arospecfanworksweek

Rating: Gen

Fandom: DC Legends of Tomorrow

Prompt: 'struggling with one’s identity'

Warnings: Internalised arophobia and mention of biphobia.

"What's so bad about being normal?" Spooner appealed to Constantine. "You don't think that kid would give just about anything to have a normal life again? I know I would."

Even after everything, Spooner still clung to the idea of normal for herself. Nothing had ever felt normal for her. She would have given anything for just one thing and Constantine, obsessed with his magic, just didn't understand.

"Yeah well," Constantine responded, "some people want picket fences and ponies, don't they?"

Hearing the frustrated words, Spooner was brought up short. Underneath the harsh tone was a weariness she was familiar with in herself.

That cookie cutter life with marriage and kids and romance had never been something Spooner had wanted. It was just another abnormality, more that the aliens had taken. Constantine was the first to mention a similar feeling.

However, Constantine had never been abducted by aliens. At least, he hadn't said so. It was different for him.

Frustrated herself, Spooner demanded to know why she should help Constantine.

"You know where I'm from, being normal is..." Constantine was intense as he explained why magic was so important to him and why he didn't care to be 'normal'. "It's being told that only degenerates can fancy men and women."

Spooner's mind leapt into action as she considered the possibility. Maybe she was like Constantine.

Zoning out a bit, Spooner struggled to think back, categorising every feeling she'd ever had towards people. There wasn't much difference between genders. If she liked someone, they were cool to hang out with.

That didn't really seem to be what Constantine was talking about though. Similar maybe, but not the same.

"The ability to break the rules..." Constantine was saying, getting Spooner's attention again. "That's who I am."

It was cool for Constantine. Why magic was so important to him was making sense. Only Spooner wished she knew herself like Constantine knew himself, rather than just feeling deficient.

[confusedsiewmai]

I hate being a romantic at heart, but also being aromantic at heart.

I'm like hehehehe! Romance! Dates! Falling in love! Holding hands! I get giddy at the thought of marriage and having a lifelong partner (in both romantic and queerplatonic way). And then when I have to deal with dates irl, I have to grapple with the fact that I won't ever feel romantic feelings for the person. I hate how I feel almost... analytical, and evaluating the best possible route and weighing pros and cons like a machine.

[rusted-phone-calls]

Should I feel bad for her

[carrionne0]

Cool Aro and/or Ace Spec Resources + Other Stuff!!

This list is for ALL people regardless of your identity. This blog is a safe space for all types of aro and/or ace spec people. Hate will NOT be tolerated. Questions are okay! :)

Also! I can't fit all the cool things I found on this list, so I'll make another one in the future! :)

Cool things!

Are You on the Aromantic Spectrum (quiz)?

Are You on the Asexual Spectrum (quiz)?

Aro Ace Character Database

Aro Arrows

Aro-Owned Businesses

Aro-Recommended

Asexual Pride Friendship Bracelet Tutorial

Attraction Layer Cake

Books With Asexual Main Characters

Canon Aroace Characters

Canon Aro and Ace Characters

Crochet Pride Turtle Modification Guide

Free Asexual Bee Crochet Pattern

Free Asexual Flag Cross Stitch Pattern Ace of Spades

Free/Online Aromantic & Asexual Fiction

LGBTQ+ Flags in Minecraft - Banner Tutorial

Pride Patch Tutorials

Learning and Resources!

7 Tips For Coming Out As Ace

Ace/Aro Mythbusting

Ace & Aro Spectrum Definitions

Advice on Coming Out As Aromantic

A Guide to Allo Aro Inclusion in A-Spec Communities

Am I Demisexual If...

Aromantic Info Carrd

Aromantic Spectrum Wiki Stub

Asexual Advice Tumblr

Asexual Affirmations: Things That Don't Make You Any Less Ace

Asexuality and Disability

Asexual Spectrum Wiki Stub

Ask An Aromantic Tumblr

Bi-Oriented Aroace Carrd

List of A-Spec Identities & Info

Myths About Demisexuals

Oriented and Angled Aroace Carrd

Split Attraction Model

Types of Tertiary Attraction

What Is Graysexuality?

Why I’m Founding Disabled Ace Day

Queering The Narrative: Tropes to Avoid When Writing Asexual Characters (intended for allosexuals, not asexual authors)

People's Stories!

An Interview About Allosexual Aromantics

Aro/Ace Confessions Tumblr

Aromantic Coming Out Stories

Asexual Authors Discuss Why They Write and Their Experiences

Asexual Coming Out Stories

Asexual Disabled People Exist, But Don’t Make Assumptions About Us

Asexuality Exists Tumblr

Existing and Defying Stereotypes As An A-Spec Disabled Person

Gray-Romantic, Grieving, and Dealing with More Internalized Amatonormativity than I Thought (tw: internalized arophobia, abuse)

How Asexual and Aromantic People Observe a Day Dedicated to Love

If You Can See the Invisible Elephant, Please Describe It

I'm Aromantic and Asexual - And I Love Valentine's Day

Is It Possible For Me To Be Lesbian and Aroace at the Same Time?

I’ve Realized I’m Asexual but Have Internalised Aphobia, So What Now? (tw: internalized acephobia)

Lesbian Ace and Aro Perspectives

‘Not Broken’: The Struggles of Being an Aromantic Allosexual

Three People Who Identify as Asexual and Aromantic Explain What V Day Is Like For Them

What Is It Like Being Allo Aro?

Communities!

Reddit

r/aaaaaaaarrrrro (memes)

r/aaaaaaacccccccce (memes)

r/aaaaaaaspeccccccc (memes)

r/aaabatterycult

r/aaapeople

r/aaarrroooaaaccceee

r/aarrrooooooaaacceeeee (memes)

r/aceandaroart (art)

r/acearoautistics

r/aceconfessions

r/acefood (food)

r/ace_arosover30

r/acesoftwaregeeks (programming)

r/aceteens

r/aegoromantic

r/aegosexuals

r/agenderaroace

r/allo_ace

r/amiace (ask)

r/angledaroace

r/animace (anime/manga)

r/apothiromantic

r/apothisexual

r/arcsexual

r/aroace

r/aroaceadults

r/aroacebooks (books)

r/aroacechristianity (christianity)

r/aroacecommunity

r/aroacenby

r/aroaceflux

r/aroaceindia (india)

r/aroacememes (memes)

r/aroacepoly

r/aroaceteens

r/aroallo

r/aroandacelife

r/aromantic

r/aromanticasexual

r/aromanticcirclejerk (satire)

r/asexual

r/asexualcirclejerk (satire)

r/asexualdating (dating)

r/asexualgamers (gaming)

r/asexualgaymen

r/asexualindians (india)

r/asexuality

r/asexuals_lesbians

r/asexualmen

r/asexuals_in_love

r/asexualteens

r/askallosexual (ask)

r/askaroace (ask)

r/askasexual (ask)

r/biorientedaroace

r/biroace

r/biromanticasexual

r/cupioromantic

r/cupiosexual

r/dateademi (dating)

r/demiromantic

r/demisexuality

r/faceoface (photos)

r/fictoromantic

r/fictosexual

r/fraysexual

r/graysexual

r/greyromantic

r/greysexuality

r/heteroromanticasexual

r/lithromanitc

r/lithrosexual

r/mildly_ace (photos)

r/myrsesexual

r/orientedaroace

r/panromanticasexuality

r/placiosexualityu

r/sexfavorableace

r/sexrepulsed

r/taskforcealphaalpha

r/traaaaaaarrrrrrro (memes)

r/transasexuals

r/tripleabattery

r/quiromantic

r/quiosexual

Forums

Arocalypse

The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network

Demi Grace

Organizations

Ace & Aros

The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project

Ace Week

Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week

Asexuality Archive

Asexual Outreach

The Association for Asexuals in Denmark

AUREA

Resources For Ace Survivors

Discord (I don’t used discord so I haven’t verified if these are any good, but I choose the most popular ones)

Ace Homies

Ace Planet

Acing the Arrows

The Aro & Ace Café

Bows & Aros

For Creatives (Artists, Writers, etc.)

Aromantic Writing Month

Carnival of Aces

Carnival of Aros

Arospec Poetry Network

Aro Worlds

Videos

Asexuality 101 (playlist) (Haven't watch all the vids yet, but the ones I've seen seem pretty good)

Ways to Show Your Aro and Ace Pride

Tumblrs

(If I should remove any of these, let me know)

Acespec-Ed

ActuallySafe-For-Aro

Aro Humor

Asexual-Society

Asexual Spectrum Spector

AVENPT (Asexual Visibility and Education Network Project Team)

Fuck Yeah Asexual

Growing Up Aro

Perks of Being Ace

The Humorous Ace

Your Fav Is Aromantic

Inclusive Picrews

Heart Hold Character

Legitimate ID Maker

Little Guy Maker

Opossum Party

PotatoLord’s Persona Creator

Prideful Cats

Pride Icon Maker

Wervty’s Obscured Icon Maker

If you have any other cool aro and/or ace things you’d like to share, please let me know and I’ll add it to the list! :) Also, if there's anything I should remove, let me know (and please tell me the reason why)!

[twyisontheline]

What if Alastor did try to fall in love with Vox

Thought to share an old radiostatic fluffyangsty headcanon... features internal-angst-about-his-aromanticism!Alastor

CW internalised arophobia

Alastor has never felt romantic attraction or feelings towards someone, in life or death. Now, with how strong amatonormativity is, he did try. He knew (thought) he was supposed to. It never worked. He reached the conclusion that he is fucked up. When he starts killing people, it almost makes sense - he's a psychopath, a monster, it must be related to not being able to love how other people do, how he should. How his mom would want him to love. He feels shame and guilt, even if he tries to push it all back down and tell himself that others are weak because of their feelings and it is something he would never want.

And it is something he doesn't want. But society tells him it makes one's life complete and makes you happy and fulfilled and he wonders. Is he broken in a way that prevents him from experiencing something so important and special?

Then he dies, and overall, life gets kinda easier. In the whole depravity and fucked-upness of Hell, there isn't an ideal happiness to wonder about. There isn't a society wanting you to marry and have kids and be normal and quaint. He can embrace being 'fucked up'.

Then he meets Vox. And slowly, the TV Demon finds a place in his heart. It's not unusual - Alastor does feel affection and platonic love, he knows he is able to feel that. And it has never been an issue that he doesn't feel romantic love, since none of his friends has ever wanted that kind of relationship with him.

Until it becomes an issue. When he realizes that Vox has feelings for him. Feelings that are romantic. That kind of love that he, Alastor, is not able to feel. And this opens the wound again. His fucked-upness could very well make him lose Vox. He doesn't want to lose their friendship - Vox gets him and spending time with him is pleasurable in an unique and special way, and he is not risking it. (He has found something special, regardless of it not being what society says it should.)

So he thinks: "I can make myself love him." He forced himself to be many things in his life and death, he won't let a weakness, a fault, a lack-of-ability, be an obstacle. He is not the weak powerless boy he once was in life. He is the Radio Demon. He takes what he wants. If learning to feel romantic love is what he needs to do to obtain what he wants, he'll do it.

So he tries, and lies to himself a bunch of times in the process, but eventually, he realizes that he is failing. And he sees it as that: a failure. So the mix of shame and guilt is back, like an emotional flashback from his human days that mixes with the shame of not being able to do something. Of being powerless in front of his own faults.

Fluff ensuring after all the angst could be that he finally confesses all this to Vox in a mental breakdown scenario - cause we know Alastor loves to freak out dramatically when he feels powerless - and Vox is like: "Man, calm down, it's not that big of a deal. I am not exactly thrilled at the idea you don't reciprocate my feelings but the idea you have to fake stuff with me and you tried so hard to be something you are not is even more upsetting. ...Plus kinda flattering, honestly, but let's not digress. What i am saying is, you don't have to do it. I am not going to end our friendship over it." And actually, realising that Alastor did all that just not to lose him, it’s more than flattering – it is proof of how deeply Alastor cares for him and loves him, even if his love is platonic. Vox doesn't need more.

And also, while Alastor has no idea that being aromantic is something that exists as a queer identity, Vox, unlike Alastor who doesn't pay attention to most of Sinners cause he lists them as not-entertaining-enough and avoids any place that has a even remotely sexual-relatedness, actually goes out and talks to people and did talk to people while figuring out he was queer. So we can insert here a speech by Vox about sexual/romantic orientation not being an illness etc etc with a bit of backstory about Vox being queer in the fifties and then dealing with his internalised homophobia after his death.

[aromantic-diaries]

God... that feeling of finally being honest with myself and understanding so much after such a long, long time. i struggled with my internalised arophobia for so long, thinking that being aromantic would make my life incomplete, but the moment i finally admitted it to myself it felt like i was breathing for the first time. it was euphoric. here’s to all the aros who are still not okay with themselves. i promise it gets better 

[our-arospec-experience]

how do i find joy in being aro? ever since i figured it out it's only been sadness and grief that i'll never be able to love.

Well, I'm not a professional, but these are some tips I've found (if anyone else has some, please share) =

find a supportive aro space with people you relate to

find a way to deal with the loneliness (if that's the issue). Find some friends, a hobby, or hang out with family

just give yourself time to grow and accept how you are. It's always okay to ask for help.

I hope you eventually come to feel better about your identity :)

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Psst. Hi

Opinions on homophobic Dreamtale? The concept of dream and nm growing up in a gendered, homophobic society. Dream gets internalised homophobia and Nightmare has little opinion about it bc he's already as disgraced as a gay person would be.. the icing on top is Dream being gay, just for the discovery trips sake

That could be interesting if it’s written or done well, given how dream was more “involved” and welcomed into the village (being used and manipulated of course.)

Dream could’ve adopted the villagers beliefs to avoid being rejected or abandoned, especially if any of the villagers showed disdain or disapproval whenever Dream did or said anything “wrong” or “bad”—and approval if he did or said anything the villagers agreed with.

he could very well go on a journey of self discovery and unpacking that internalized homophobia as he grows—when he eventually ventures out into the rest of the Multiverse.

Especially since I’ve heard around that it’s a common view that one of the first people Dream meets is ink, aroace he/they ink lmao. which would definitely help dream, considering dream is canonically demiromantic asexual himself and unless it was changed somewhere, it makes me sad how that is ignored by the fandom.

Dream could go through a journey of unpacking internalized ace and arophobia too.