#it has a certificate of authenticity and everything

[anotherpapercut]

my partner got me a signed copy of none of this rocks for my birthday/our anniversary currently losing my mind

[crazy-hazy-sims]

Hey everyone it seems there a malicious individual trying to hack the sims cc community again and fill it with malware you need to stay vigilant as a creator and a downloader so

i have some tips for both to stay safe while downloading:

1- sims cc file extension is always .Package never download anything that is .exe

2- do not auto unpack zip files and rar files into your mods folder directly, open each zip or rar individually check the file extensions and drag them to your mods folder one by one

3- the only mods that have a .ts4script extension are ones that affect gameplay or how the game works, understand that if you are downloading cas or bb items you shouldn't have a .ts4script file

4- if you are downloading gameplay mods that do have .ts4script make sure that A) the creator hasn't announced on their pages that its infected B) you are downloading from a link provided by the creator of the mods themselves not something off of google or a link you got sent and make sure dates of upload match dated of announcements

5- if the mod or cc creator has retired and hasn't posted for a while LOOK AT THE DATES OF THE UPLOAD if it has been "updated recently" after the creator has left the community its most likely re-uploaded by a hacker and infected

6- download mod gaurd by Twisted mexi and keep it updated and keep your windows defender or malware detector Program up to date and always running do not disable it

7- make sure everything you download comes from a direct link from the cc creator, in this day and age do not trust link shortners, adfly, linkverse, etc get the universal bypass extension and ublock extension to stay safe but genuinely NEVER CLICK ON THOSE no matter how much the creator reassures you its safe it. is. NOT.

8- this is more of a general saftey precaution but, create a system restore point weekly before you run the game with new mods that way if anything happens you could have a chance to restore your windows to an earlier date before you downloaded anything.

9- BACK UP YOUR SHIT im serious right now either weekly or monthly put your files somewhere safe like a usb a storage card a hard drive even an online cloud if you dont have any of the previous.

10- files you should back up are your media from games and media everything else, any mods, games saves, work files, passwords, saved bookmarks, any documents txt files word files pdfs, links you saved, brushes or actions for Photoshop if you have any, any digital bills or certificates if you have any, and keep a physical list of all programs you have installed and where you installed them from

11- turn on any 2 factor authentication and security measures for any account you have

12- google and firefox have the option to check your paswords and emails against any data leaks USE THIS FEATURE and change any leaked passwords

13- regularly check your logged in sessions to make sure all the logged in devices or computers are yours and log out any that aren't and any old devices or unused sessions do this for every website and app you have an account on if available

14- change your passwords often. I know this is a hassle i know its hard to come up with new passwords but changing your passwords every few months will help you against anything mention previously that wasn't detected.

15- and as a cc creator check your cc and the accounts you host cc on and its uplaod and update dates make sure nothing has been changed without your permission :(

16- generally try not to get swept up in the "i must get it" fever you do not need to "shop" for mods weekly or monthly you do not need to download everything by that one creator you do not need to download new cc everytime you want to make a sim, im guilty of this so i know how hard it is to resist but take a breath and think "do i want this or do i need it" before downloading.

These are prevention methods i cant claim they are 100% will prevent any hacking but its better to be safe than sorry and these do keep you safe so

Brought to you by someone who has had their laptop ruined and data leaked from downloading cc once upon a time

[hallowpen]

Getting Married... TWICE (sort of)

For those of you who are aware, the Marriage Equality Law was enacted in Thailand on September 24, 2024. As of right now, the law will come into effect on January 23, 2025. Two days to go!!!

I hold dual citizenship in the U.S. and Thailand. Now... given the state of Thai gender laws, the option for me to marry my partner of six years has been available to me since the beginning of our relationship. However, we had always agreed that since I identify as a transwoman, we would choose to wait for equal marriage in both countries before we discussed that option. It was very much based in the principle of the matter and not its legality. (Which, I know, was a more fortunate choice to have.)

Once we knew the Marriage Equality Law in Thailand was official... everything happened rather quickly. One moment we were talking about possibly getting married, and the next thing we knew we were applying for a marriage license. We were married at City Hall in New York by the middle of October.

The reason I'm even sharing any of this information is because I thought it would be interesting for people to have a peek at what it looks like to register a foreign marriage in Thailand... because the process involved a lot of particulars that neither my wife (I love using that word 😊😊😊) nor I were aware of.

Since we were unfamiliar with the process, I decided the best course of action would be to hire an agent to represent my case through the Thai Consulate. The first step was to authenticate my marriage certificate at the state level. Once the document was authenticated, it was submitted to the Thai Embassy for its legalization process. After the certificate is legalized, all submitted documents (including proof of identification) must be officially translated by a licensed government translator. Every step of the process involved the filling out and submitting of the appropriate forms for requests.

The rest of the process (for me) happened in Bangkok... where, you guessed it, I had to fill out more forms hehe.

It's a pretty standard procedure. You submit the documents you received from the Consulate, along with proof of identification and citizenship (which are presumably already in Thai), in order to request a form to update your "family status". Once all the final paperwork was summitted (during my final appointment at the Amphur's Office), it took a little over four hours to fully process. Now with my NYS Marriage Certificate and an approved KR22, my marriage is officially recognized in the U.S. and Thailand!!!

It's been a bit of a whirlwind, and I still get very emotional thinking about what it took to finally get here... both personally and in terms of the law. We still have a long way to go (come on "Gender Identity Recognition Act"🤞🏾🤞🏾🤞🏾), but I'm sooo friggin happy that we're moving in the right direction.

[richarlotte]

Best places to shop designer?

If you love vintage, look at Japan. Especially for vintage Louis Vuitton bags & cases.

It’s affordable, it’s easy to find and fun to shop for, and it’s actually a great time sourcing pieces. I’ve never spent more than $400 on a piece, and everything I’ve bought has been high quality. I’ve bought some dream pieces of mine, and part of what makes the process so fun is taking the time to find what you want. I bought my Croissant, my Speedy 30, my Pochette, Holdall, Toiletry Bag, and Neverfull for less than $300 each, and aside from conditioning the leather, they’re in perfect condition. I’d strongly recommend looking at Japan’s vintage market if you love Louis Vuitton.

Japan is pretty much the best place to look for any designer items, and the vintage market is the best I’ve ever experienced. The yen is also weak compared to the American dollar, so you’re getting more while spending less. I’ve seen a lot of really nice Chanel and Fendi as well; the more popular bags tend to be bought quickly, but it’s easy to find them, and it’s easier to find rare items on the Japanese retail market than it is to find them on the American market. It’s also very easy to find Hermès scarves and other small items; I love buying small things, and I’m not willing to spend $700 on something I can easily find on the Japanese market for $70. It takes skill but again, the hunt is always fun.

I will say that there are brands I’d avoid and certain stores as well. All of my bags have come with receipts and certifications of authenticity that have held up to the authentication process I put them through here in America. The one thing I’d recommend against purchasing is badly made costume jewelry; it’s not worth it at all, and Chanel costume jewelry is very cheaply made and then marked up to obscene prices. I can make a post about where to shop, what’s trendy and what I’d recommend buying, customs/paying, and how I style the things that I’ve purchased so far. Just let me know, and I'll write a guide up when I have time. 

Let me know if you’d like any of my shopping recs.

[mildlyalarming33]

Queer And Trans Exposure In The Media

i think this is one of my better ones !!

When I think about the importance of queer and trans exposure in the media, I think about all the times I spent searching—without even knowing what I was looking for. I didn’t have the words yet for what I was feeling, but I knew the world I saw on TV, in movies, in books… it didn’t have a place for someone like me. If queer and trans people were shown at all, they were usually suffering, being laughed at, or living lives that ended in tragedy. That sends a quiet, painful message: You are other. You don’t fit. You don’t get a happy ending.

That’s why real, honest queer and trans representation matters so much. It’s more than a rainbow flag in the background of a scene or a one-off “coming out” episode. It’s about telling full, complex, human stories where queer and trans people are allowed to be messy, joyful, loving, scared, ambitious — all the things that make us real. It’s about seeing someone like you survive, thrive, and simply exist without apology. That kind of visibility has the power to heal wounds we didn’t even realize we had.

For young people especially, this kind of representation can be lifesaving. When you're trying to understand yourself in a world that often tells you you're wrong just for being who you are, seeing someone like you reflected in a story can feel like a light in the dark. It says, You are not alone. You are possible. It gives you something to hold onto when everything else feels shaky. And honestly, even as an adult, that kind of representation still means everything. Every time I see a queer or trans character portrayed with love and depth, it reminds me that I’m not invisible — that my existence isn’t just tolerated, it’s celebrated.

But the impact doesn’t stop with queer and trans people. Media shapes culture. It teaches people who might never meet someone like me in real life what it means to be queer or trans. When representation is thoughtful and authentic, it chips away at ignorance and fear. It opens the door to empathy. It creates space for real conversations, real understanding. And story by story, it helps build a world that is kinder, more accepting, and more real.

I’m not transgender, so I can’t speak for that community — but I can speak as someone in the LGBTQ+ community, as a queer person, and as someone who has close friends and family who are trans or questioning. We need this representation. Without it, we risk heightening prejudice, ignorance, and hate. I’m lucky — I live in Australia, so I’m not directly affected by Trump’s bigoted policies and rhetoric. But I see what’s happening. I see the videos on my socials — people being denied trans healthcare, people’s genders being forcibly changed on their birth certificates, people being openly hate-crimed in America. And while it might not affect me directly, it still hurts. It still sends a message to all of us.

Because at the end of the day, exposure matters — because stories matter. Stories are how we make sense of the world, and everyone deserves to see pieces of themselves in the stories we tell. Queer and trans people have always been here — loving, creating, dreaming, living. We deserve to see that reflected back at us — not as a rare exception, but as a natural, beautiful part of the human experience.

We are not new. We are not mistakes. We are not trends or phases or afterthoughts.

We are real. We are beautiful. We are here.

And we always have been.

[t-posts-9]

I hate how people martyr the pre-transition version of myself, as if they were an innocent victim I've killed.

When they speak about my past, they use my old name, and always in a somber tone, as if they're mourning this poor innocent person who had so much promise, who had achieved so much. When I remind them it was me, I'm still here, I'm told that it was them who achieved these things, that I need to remember that.

That person they remember so fondly, mourn so much was a shell. They mention how pretty she was, how accomplished she was. They speak about me now with disdain, like I've ruined her memory. Like everything I'm doing now is an affront to what she did. They attribute the achievements I made to somebody else, somebody who doesn't exist.

I was miserable. I made all of those achievements in spite of my suffering. On paper I was the perfect granddaughter, the oldest daughter, the golden child. In reality, I couldn't imagine a life where I could ever feel happiness, barely took care of myself, was numb to everything. All of those achievements are nothing in comparison to the joy that living my life authentically has brought me. The passport showing my sex as male, with my chosen name, is worth so much more to me than my degree certificates.

Doing what was expected of me what easy, nobody would have shunned me for being the perfect daughter. The efforts I've made over the past year to build a life worth living, just for myself, in spite of how I've been treated for it, that has been hard. But that is worth it.

[middlenamesage]

Images, circumstances or feelings that the planets bring to my mind

Sun

Being given an award or certificate

When you feel clarity about yourself or an endeavor, with zero doubt

Taking the mask off (showing your authenticity)

Being complimented or GIVING compliments

Leading or inspiring

Being in good health

Being on stage

A playground

Whatever makes you feel most alive

Your creations like art or children

Going your own way

Finding a passion that makes you feel like you’ve found more of yourself

Moon

Comfort food

The relationships that feel most like family

Breastfeeding

The menstrual cycle (“on your moon” or “moon time” as some have called it, and fun fact: there have been significantly ongoing times that my period came every month during my lunar return, her phase has been less relevant for me personally.)

Counseling or the things you do to manage your emotional health

A shoulder to cry on

Empathy and sympathy

Trauma responses

Self soothing habits

Your childhood home

Your ancestors

Déjà vu

Mercury

Books and libraries

Phones

Chat windows

Search engine

The local roads

Journaling

Classrooms

Secretaries

To-do list

Maps

The mail

Wit

Word games

Asking “how”?

Venus

A palette of paints

Walking barefoot in nature

Flowers

Cuddling🫠massage🫠orgasm

Cherished possessions

A feast

Hips swinging

“Buy me a coffee”

A spa or a retreat

Wedding rings/promise rings/vows… to give mainstream examples, but anything to honor and recognize a relationship.

Reciprocation (or awareness of however your giving vs taking looks like in relationships)

Models of good manners and social grace

Doves (peace) and swans (grace)

Mars

Scars

Rough or energetic sex

Break ups

Gym equipment

Athletics

Tournaments of all types

An erupting volcano

Demolition at a construction site (and now I’m literally envisioning a red wrecking ball! 🔴)

Punching bag 🥊

Knives and swords

Knight in shining armor

A can of pepper spray

Standing your ground

Setting your sights on something and not backing down

Criminals (fighting/violence/violation/stealing)

Men in power starting wars (Mars AND Saturn and they have actually been going to war over Venus i.e. resources/wealth and historically women too!)

Heroes

Jupiter

Winning the lottery- or using that as metaphor, any expansion brought to you that feels like you won the lottery.

Long distance travels

Archery or horseback riding

When suddenly everything seems possible

Praying

Religious and spiritual texts

A desire to be generous and pass on good fortune

Celebrations of excess, like flaunting wealth. Or eating competitions/livestreams (speaking of the latter, I recently saw a headline about a Tik Tok star for that who died aged 24. He did in fact die during his Jupiter return).

Strong fiery excitement a little like mania❤️‍🔥 (personally I’ve noticed this happening to me when Jupiter’s strongly active and connect it to making new meanings and/or optimism, this has made it the benefic usually easier to enjoy; more on my natural wavelength than the relaxation of Venus.)

Connecting the dots / seeing the big picture

Asking “why”?

Saturn

An old building with construction still more functional than the new ones

A rock wall (built from solid earth, and a boundary!)

Mountain climbing

City hall or school board meeting

Government/law enforcement/the boss

A ten/twenty/etc year plan

The designated driver

Elders

Child prodigies

The borders of nations

“Waste not, want not”

Saying no

Traditions (especially on societal levels, family traditions are so Moon!)

Building your resume

Uranus

A political or human rights protest

Boycotts

Artificial intelligence

Genius

Technological simulation

Space travel

Rejecting norms and being contrarian

Experimenting with new approaches

Mad scientist

Foresight built on logical observations (distinct from intuitive premonitions)

Embracing your quirks

Turbulence

Mental overstimulation

Sudden ideas

Not “irl”

The urge to flee situations that have you feeling caged

Self autonomy

Neptune

Clouds or fog obstructing the view

A fortune telling booth

Swindlers

Drugs

Dreams

Synchronicity

Metaphors and symbolism

Premonitions

Wearing rose-colored glasses

Not getting credit

Self sacrifice and martyrs

A funhouse mirror that distorts your reflection

A pseudonym or “pen name”

“All is one and one is all”

Questioning if you exist

The ocean (this could obviously be the Moon too!)

Pluto

A cemetery

A bombshell reveal that changes everything

Relationships marked by power imbalance

Emotional manipulation

Alchemy

Butterfly metamorphosis

Water frozen completely solid

Everything those in power keep buried from us, also the reveals when they happen

Driving through a dark tunnel

Financial and trauma inheritances

Psychological repression

The hidden treasure chest (of your personal power)

⬆️ Ascendant 🌅

The vehicle with which you’re using to navigate all of this through life…

The helm of the ship, or the steering wheel

Mile marker 0 (your starting point; it was the moment you took your first breath)

When your eyes open in the morning!

Note: Seeing the ascendant as gate to the rest of the chart, I emphasize the value in connecting more deeply with your ascendant sign, your ascendant ruler, and any planets in the first house especially if they are conjunct the ascendant.

Thank you for reading! My creative energy has been busy elsewhere but I’d like to try to post educational and fun content on the astrological archetypes sometimes. Might occasionally have thoughts to share on the transits too. Your support lets me know what I can create that’s useful for this community. Cheers! 🌻

[50calmadeuce]

Ch. 41: Court - Dorian Again Con't

Warning: Mention of miscarriage. Some chapters have sex.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Top Gun: Maverick world, trademarked by Paramount Pictures Corporation. I do not claim ownership of the characters and the world that I am borrowing.

The story and situation I am creating are a work of my imagination and I do not ascribe them to official story canon. This work is for entertainment only and is not a part of the storyline.

I am not profiting financially from the creation and publication of this story, but I do hope it gives you happy thoughts.

These stories are my own, so please do not take them and use them for yourself without my permission. If you see them somewhere else, please let me know. :)

Dorian's attorney slowly approached the witness stand. "Dr. Stryker. You stated in your last statement that you and Dr. Seresin are married and the child she is currently carrying is yours."

"Yes," Dorian agreed.

Mr. Rowe walked over to his desk and grabbed a piece of paper. "I'd like to submit the marriage certificate of Dr. Stryker and Dr. Seresin."

Your eyes widened in surprise, and Dunby glanced at you. You shrugged and shook your head, equally astonished.

Mr. Rowe handed the marriage certificate to the judge, who examined it carefully before raising an eyebrow. "Mr. Rowe, this document claims that Dr. Seresin is married to Dr. Stryker, but this contradicts the testimony we’ve already heard. Do you have any explanation for this?"

Mr. Dunby stood up, visibly irritated. "Your Honor, this is clearly fraudulent. Dr. Seresin has already testified about her marriage to Lieutenant Jake Seresin. This document cannot be legitimate. I have right here the marriage certificate of Jake and Y/N Seresin."

The judge nodded as the bailiff walked over and grabbed the paper from Mr. Dunby and walked it over to the judge.

Dorian’s attorney remained calm. "Your Honor, we believe that this document will prove to be genuine and that it was obtained under legally binding circumstances."

The judge reviewed both marriage certificates, his expression growing more serious with each passing moment. "Mr. Rowe, I now have two conflicting marriage certificates in front of me. One for Dr. Y/N Seresin and Lieutenant Jake Seresin, and another for Dr. Y/N Seresin and Dr. Dorian Stryker. This is a serious matter, and we will need to resolve this discrepancy immediately."

Mr. Dunby stepped forward. "Your Honor, we request that the so-called marriage certificate between Dr. Stryker and Dr. Seresin be reviewed by a forensic document expert. It’s clear to me that Dr. Stryker is attempting to manipulate this court, and my client has already testified to the truth."

Dorian sat quietly, his eyes fixed on you, while his attorney tried to regain control of the situation. "Your Honor, we are confident that the authenticity of this document will hold up under scrutiny. Dr. Stryker and Dr. Seresin have a complicated history, and we ask that the court consider all the facts before passing judgment."

The judge leaned back in his chair, steepling his fingers. "Very well. I will order an immediate review of these documents. Until we have clarity on this issue, we will adjourn for the day. Court will reconvene tomorrow at 9 AM."

With that, he banged his gavel, and the tension in the room broke as people began to file out. You, still in shock, couldn’t shake the feeling that things were about to get even more complicated.

You walked out of the courthouse with Mr. Dunby, Max and Chuck right behind.

Dunby stopped and looked at you. "Where the hell did he get a marriage certificate with your name on it?"

You shrugged. "I have no clue. I know I signed a lot of stuff during the first time we worked together and when we created the book."

Mr. Dunby rubbed his temples, clearly frustrated. "We’ll need to go over everything you signed back then. He might have slipped something in without you realizing."

Max stepped in. "If he forged your signature or tricked you into signing something, we’ll find out. Dorian's desperate, and he's trying to pull every trick in the book."

Chuck chimed in, his voice steady. "We’ll get to the bottom of this, Doc. No way he can get away with something like this."

You nodded, feeling a mix of frustration and disbelief. "I just don’t understand how he managed to pull this off. I mean, I’ve only ever been married to Jake."

Dunby sighed, his expression growing more determined. "We’ll look into every document tied to that time. If he slipped something into the paperwork, we'll catch it. You’re only married to Jake, and we'll prove that in court." He pat your shoulder. "I'll stop by later and we'll go over some things."

"You might as well just come over for dinner. I know how much you enjoy Chuck's cooking." You took a deep breath, grateful for the support from all of them. "Thanks, all of you. I’m just ready to put this nightmare behind me."

Max added, "And we will. One step at a time."

Dunby looked at you. "Have you spoken to Jake lately?"

You shook your head. "No and I have no clue where he is or what he's doing. Welcome to being married to a fighter pilot."

Dunby reached out and placed his hand on your shoulder. "It's okay. We may not need him, but if you talk to him, give him my information."

You nodded. "I will."

"Now. Go and get some rest. I'll see you later."

As you nodded and walked away from the courthouse, you felt the weight of everything that had happened so far. The day had been overwhelming, but you knew that rest was necessary if you were going to continue fighting tomorrow.

Later that evening, Dunby stopped by and the two of you sat on the couch. He pulled some papers out of his brief case and set them down in front of you.

"Do you recognize these?"

You looked at one that said Wyoming Marriage Certificate. It had your signature along with Dorian's.

You shook your head. "No. I don't."

You looked at the date. "This apparently was done while I was working on the grant then."

"And what about this one?" he asked as he set another marriage certificate in front of her. This one said Texas Marriage certificate.

"Yeah! I had to sign that after the officiant married Jake and I."

Dunby nodded, his brow furrowed in thought as he studied both documents. "The Texas certificate is legitimate, no doubt about that. But this Wyoming one… it looks convincing, but if you don't remember signing it, something's not right."

You stared at the Wyoming certificate, feeling a mix of confusion and anger. "I never married Dorian. I would remember something like that."

Dunby leaned back, tapping his fingers on the arm of the couch. "I believe you. But we’ll need to prove that this Wyoming certificate was forged or obtained under false pretenses. The timing, with you working on the grant, could have been when he slipped this in without your knowledge."

You sighed, rubbing your temples. "It makes sense, I signed so many things back then. I didn’t read every little thing, and I trusted him professionally."

"We’ll dig deeper," Dunby assured you.

Your cellphone rang and you looked to see who it was. It was Jake!

You answered and placed him on speaker phone.

"Hey, babe!" you answered excitedly. "You're on speaker phone and you called at the perfect time. Mr. Dunby wants to talk to you.

"Hey, darlin'. That's fine."

You held the phone out towards Mr. Dunby.

"Hello, Lieutenant Seresin," he said.

"Mr. Dunby. How is the case going?" Jake asked curiously.

"Well, that's what I want to talk about. I know you and Y/N didn't really talk much for four years, but Dr. Stryker brought up a marriage certificate between him and Y/N while she was in Wyoming."

Jake sighed and you could tell he was upset. "Is it legit?"

"It looks like it, but we also have your marriage certificate from Texas."

"Then you should be fine."

"Yes and I hate to ask this, but you didn't file for a divorce while separated, did you?"

"No. I wouldn't do that. I may have been a shitty husband for four years, but I would've talked to Y/N if I wanted that."

Mr. Dunby nodded, clearly relieved. "That’s good to hear, Jake. We just needed to be sure. This whole situation with Dr. Stryker is complicated enough, and the last thing we need is any confusion about your marriage."

Jake's jaw tightened, clearly frustrated. "I can't believe this guy is pulling this kind of stunt. How did he even manage to get her signature?"

"That’s what we’re trying to figure out. Y/N doesn’t remember signing anything like that. It might have been slipped in with other documents when they were working together," Dunby explained.

Jake sighed.

"Lieutenant. Is there any way you could come to the hearing? Even if it's virtual?"

"I can talk to my superior and let you know."

"That would be great. I'll let you talk to Y/N now." Mr. Dunby stood up and went to the kitchen.

You took the phone off of speaker and placed it to your ear. "Ok. It's just me now."

"How are you holding up, Y/N?"

You sighed. "As best as I can."

Jake's voice softened. "I wish I could be there with you. This whole thing sounds like a mess."

You nodded, even though he couldn’t see you. "It is. I never expected Dorian to pull something like this, especially not with a fake marriage certificate. It's exhausting."

"I know," Jake replied, his tone filled with concern. "But you’re strong, and we’ll figure it out. I hate that I can’t be there right now, but you’re not alone in this."

"Thanks," you whispered. "It helps to hear you say that. I just want all of this to be over."

"I meant what I said, Y/N. I may have been a douche of a husband for four years, but if I did want a divorce, I would've talked to you in person."

"I know, Jake," you acknowledged.

"I don't know how I got so lucky to have someone like you in my life."

You smiled. "You're not the only lucky one, Jake," you said softly.

"I love you, Y/N. I'm going to go talk to Maverick and see what I can do to help with this trial," he said.

"I love you, too. Let me know what you find out."

"I will. Talk to you later."

With that, he hung up his phone.

Tags: @buckysteveloki-me @bellyliveslife @tgmreader @callsign-barbelle @86laura11 @dizzybee03 @kmc1989 @guacam011y @nerdgirljen @hookslove1592 @dempy @djs8891 @smoothdogsgirl @devil-angel-winchester

[robsheridan]

I’m thrilled to finally have my original analog glitch skull back in print today after the first edition has been sold out for years - here’s a first look at the actual print and all its remastered details:

This has become an iconic image for my work and for analog glitch in general, as it was my first piece back in 2012 that paved the way for my analog glitch work with How To Destroy Angels and the beginning of a new fine art movement of VHS/CRT glitch that is thriving today more than ever.

For these tenth anniversary editions I went back to the original photographs (captured at high speed off the screen of an old CRT television) with everything I’ve learned over the years about mastering analog glitch for print, and the results are crisper, more vibrant, and more true to the original vision than ever before.

In the close-ups here (these are all photographs of the print itself) you can see a couple elements I’m proud of that were always very hard to preserve in print, like the subtle glow of the skull, which displayed as increasingly tiny bits of light on the pixels of the screen dithering out to black:

Every pixel of the CRT can be seen on the print until they disappear into the black, creating a glow that is soft from a distance but rich with texture up close. I strive for the very highest fidelity of low fidelity!

The first of these new editions were on display at last year's Glitch Art is Dead show for their proper 10th anniversary in 2022, and now they’re finally available: Four analog glitch anniversary editions out today (including the Welcome Oblivion vinyl album cover piece), personally signed/numbered, limited to only 30 copies!

Next month I should be able to share photos of the first-ever premium canvas editions of this work (available for pre-order now), which give it the large format fine art presentation I have always dreamed of.

All of my limited edition prints are personally signed/numbered fine art giclée prints on archival matte paper, printed by me to personally ensure the finest museum quality on 308gsm German fine art paper at ultra high 1440dpi print resolution, and packed/shipped worldwide with care by my wife Steph from our home studio in Tacoma, WA. Every print comes with a signed certificate of authenticity and an exclusive sticker.

[commanders-company]

Audio Log Archive: Calculator Zoxxe

Entry 34 - 1326 AE. Transcription start:

Ten years with the Inquest, and I’m still equally amazed and appalled at what my fellows get themselves caught up in. I’m sure sciences like herpetology and ichthyology have their uses, but it gets aggravating seeing promising researchers become obsessed with some rare fauna or another when they should be applying themselves to the stated goals of our organization.

Case in point, this “Scarlet” character. Everyone and their golem is buzzing about this mysterious sylvari who studied at all three colleges - personally, I doubted the authenticity of her certifications even before the Council revoked them. As though a non-asura could ever hope to achieve our heights of genius. Ha!

Still, I can’t deny the spark behind her eyes. She has big plans, whatever they might end up being, and I have no doubt she will do anything to see them through. I have no interest in partnering with pirates or bandits or whatnot, so I will continue to watch from a distance as I continue my own aetherology research here. Who knows, maybe Scarlet will impress me after all. Or maybe dolyaks will sprout wings and fly.

Entry 39 - 1327 AE

Of course Scarlet ended up being a bust. Anyone who believed differently was a fool of the highest order.

She certainly went out with a bang - my aetherology instruments were going haywire from the sheer amount of magical energy that rushed towards the deep jungle. Now that we know the truth about the sylvari, we can near-conclusively see that her true goal all along was to reawaken Mordremoth. It was certainly a bold idea to flood the ley line stretching from Lion’s Arch to Maguuma with magic; not unlike jump-starting a stalled golem with an external power source.

Whatever her exact motivations for this could have been, her success does open up a potentially fascinating avenue for my research - what sort of link is there between the elder dragons and the magic of the world? Clearly Mordremoth was attuned to it, but what about Zhaitan, and for what purpose? And most importantly, how can we exploit it for ourselves?

I’ll prepare my thesis and send it to high command along with a request for additional funding and personnel. I have no doubt they will give me all I ask for, so I will begin my personal work at once. I wonder if the Pact would miss one of their submersibles…

Entry 53 - 1335 AE

The Pact and that blasted commander of theirs continues to be both a boon and a curse! While our agents in the Rata Novus lab have passed on immeasurably useful data from their efforts, that blasted sylvari keeps killing more dragons - good for the survival of the common folk, I suppose, but absolutely detrimental to my research.

Only one dragon remains, the ever-theorized but heretofore unproven “deep sea dragon.” There’s so much more we’re on the cusp of discovering, and the commander is on track to ruin my career without even knowing!

But, as always, I have a plan. I was able to find records of Scarlet’s notes left over in an old workstation. She mentions time she spent with the late Omadd, and most importantly, a fascinating device he constructed near the Silverwastes. Supposedly, the device allows the user to peer into the fabric of reality - the very Eternal Alchemy itself!

Finally, a chance to mathematically prove what I’ve always believed - to show those boorish idiots I call my fellow researchers that absolute structure is the only way to success. Everything down to the smallest particle of the least important atom can be determined, charted, predicted and directed. The Inquest has always strived to control the Eternal Alchemy, but no one ever thinks about what we’ll do with it. Absolute order to all things is the only conclusion that makes any sense, and I will be the one to put it in place.

I will be traveling alone to the machine - no reason to give anyone else the chance to muck everything up, or worse, steal my work. Very soon, all asura - the entire world - will know my name!

Entry 55 - 1335 AE

[unintelligable] -it’s wrong. It’s all wrong, everything is wrong, I was - [crashing, papers scattering, yelling]

I fixed it. The machine worked and I saw everything. All magic flowing in and out the dragons like water through a filtration matrix. For a moment it was so beautiful. But the dragons died one by one, and in their place, there is…

Nothing. Less than nothing. Void from end to end. No greater purpose, no rules or equations or anything comprehensible. An emptiness that will take and take and take until there is nothing left.

She’s doomed us all. She can’t save us this time. Now everything we’ve done, everything I’ve done is worthless. No one can stop what’s happening.

The Void comes for us all. The Void comes. It comes. It comes. It comes… 

[unintelligible]

Entry 56 - 1335 AE

Ahem.

I’m not going to delete my last entry - embarrassing as it may be to admit, it is important to acknowledge when one’s conclusions end up being incorrect, if only for the purpose of proper documentation.

Which is to say that the world didn’t end, obviously. The Commander found a way, as she always seems to do. Our agents report that Aurene now fulfills the role the previous elder dragons used to, sans the whole death/rebirth cycle. Magic flows through her to be cleansed, and the world is balanced once again. The Void is - it’s gone. It has to be -

[coughs] I’m putting together another thesis and personnel request. The events of the last few days opens up yet another previously unknown facet of aetherology. We’re not under immediate threat anymore, but it demands to be studied. All sorts of possible applications could be found, if we can properly contain it.

I cannot - I will not be taken by surprise again. I will master its flow and dictate its course.

I will be the one in control. It will have no power over me ever again.

Should my proposal be approved, and I have no doubt it won’t, I will be forming the V.E.R.G.E. krewe - Voidic Energy Research and General Exploitation. We will decipher every secret of the Void and turn it to our own ends - and prepare ourselves should it ever return like this again.

I will be ready. And someday soon, all of creation - even the Void itself - will bend before me.

[compo67]

Is everything okay? You haven't been around in a bit and I'm worried! (Sorry if this is too parasocial of me! I don't want to intrude on your personal life. You don't have to respond to this!)

Hello anon,

Thank you for reaching out. I really appreciate it. I have been struggling to juggle everything on my plate, with varying degrees of success. Below the cut for an extended "why."

My father needed more care than I anticipated after coming back from Chile. I am caregiving twice a week, sometimes three. This includes taking him to appointments, doing his grocery shopping, setting up adaptive equipment, taking him out so he can walk around safe spaces, and keeping him company. I got respite from my older sister this past weekend, but it was just not long enough. I am so tired.

I have been battling flare ups and side effects. Still going for infusion therapy, PT, and other various appointments for myself. I have a nasty bruise on my left arm from infusion therapy, and a nasty bruise on my right arm from my liver MRI. Good news is that infusion therapy went well and the liver MRI came back stable. I am very grateful.

I had a health scare this week about my kidneys, but it seems like it's just costochondritis. It's painful, as it affects my ability to breathe or move, but I am used to my ribs flaring up. It's just... not ideal?

Finishing school was great! But then it launched me into attending a ton of webinars/seminars/networking events. I have been able to keep up with 90% of them, but it's been a real trip. I hate networking. I have had to push myself out of my comfort zone and that has been incredibly draining and anxiety-provoking.

I also received "feedback" on my LinkedIn profile from my mentor that I need to "tone it down" in regard to what I post/repost and comment on. All I post/repost/comment on about are queer/poc-related things. I spent an entire day crying about this "tone it down." I have been told before by society, by partners, by family members, by friends... to "tone it down," or, "stop being so obvious," or "don't go around flaunting it." Does anyone know how *difficult* it is existing in the world as my authentic self? If someone on LinkedIn doesn't like it, then they can kindly fuck off. I wouldn't want to work with them anyway.

It's been tough, anon.

Hockey is over, Delly got traded, and the Panthers blew their lead.

My HR certification exam is in 16 days. I do not feel like I've been able to adequately study/prepare. The amount of material to study is overwhelming. I have apps and flashcards, plus books, but I feel like I have neglected all of them this past week.

So. I have a lot on my plate right now. I can't even get my library books turned in on time because it feels like I never have enough time to do that. Not that I have time to read anyway.

Then there's the usual stuff like depression, shitty executive function, anxiety, and mood swings. Also, medications and side effects.

TLDR: I'm struggling and I am doing my best. You'll see more of me after July 6th (exam date).

I'm also just... really, really tired.

[hobbitual-psychick-art-stuff]

Suptober 2023 Day 4: Nimbus

”Mother, in honour of the day I have bought you a gift,” Crowley announced and waved a hand to two minions waiting in the wings. The two drogues carried a long red wrapped box forward and presented it to Rowena with deference.

”Oh,” she gasped, faking a look of complete surprise, hand to her non-existent heart. “I had totally forgotten that today was Mother’s Day.” As if the self-aggrandising harpy hadn’t spent every day for the past month harping on about it and dropping none to subtle hints. “A wee gift for me. My son, he is such a thoughtful lad,” she cooed performing like an actress for the assembled masses.

Crowley forced a smile. “Heaven forbid I forget my dear old Mum on this day, of all days.”

For a blink, at the word old, Rowena’s MacLeods expression flickered and went as cold and flat as a snake’s, before her affable mask reasserted itself with barely a ripple.

”Oh! What ever could it be?” Rowena trilled, greedily starting to tear at the wrapping paper. “ It looks too large for a grimoire, perhaps a staff or some other item of magical merit?”

”Oh, it’s definitely an item of magical merit, Mother. Something for the witch who has everything.”

Finally the wrapping paper fluttered free to revealed—

“A broom?!” Mother’s lips had thinned and her eyes flicked up to meet his.

A snigger rippled through the massed ranks of demons.

”A nimbus 2000, an authentic prop from the Harry Potter movies. Hand crafted, only 10,000 ever made.” Crowley could barely conceal his vicious smirk of delight. “There’s a certificate of authenticity and everything. The ultimate item of magical merit for the witch that has everything.” He finished with a flourish of delight. It was everything mother had asked for and yet so very far from what the woman actually wanted— and so it was beyond perfect, the Mother’s Day gift Rowena had earned all those years ago when she abandoned him at all of eight years old. Crowley sent Miss Bradbury a silent vote of thanks for her idea.

”Fergus— you shouldn’t have.” Rowena’s voice was as sweet and as fake as a three dollar bill, attempting desperately to save face. Her hand, however, was knotted, white knuckled, into a fist around a handful of wrapping paper as she attempted to keep her poise in front of the eyes of the infernal court.

Crowley favoured her with an equally fake smile of filial devotion. “Of course I should! I wanted you to know how much you mean to me, today of all days.”

[justforbooks]

Was famed Samson and Delilah really painted by Rubens? No, says AI

Long-held doubts about the authenticity of the National Gallery’s masterpiece, bought for £2.5m in 1980, are backed by pioneering technology

The National Gallery has always given pride of place to Peter Paul Rubens’s Samson and Delilah, listing it among the “highlights” of its collection, since it purchased the picture at Christie’s in 1980 for a then record price.

It depicts the Old Testament hero in the lap of the lover who betrayed him, having beguiled him into revealing that his God-given strength lay in his uncut hair. As Samson sleeps, Delilah’s accomplice cuts his locks, rendering him powerless, with soldiers ready at the door to capture him.

Critics have long suggested that the painting is not really by Rubens. And now a series of scientific tests employing groundbreaking AI technology have concluded that the 17th-century Flemish master could never have painted it.

“The results are quite astonishing,” Dr Carina Popovici, the scientist who carried out the study, told the Observer. “The algorithm has returned a 91% probability for the artwork not being authentic.”

In comparing Samson and Delilah with 148 uncontested Rubens paintings, the analysis produced one of the scientists’ highest-ever probabilities of the hundreds of pictures they have tested so far.

“I was so shocked,” said Popovici. “We repeated the experiments to be really sure that we were not making a mistake and the result was always the same. Every patch, every single square, came out as fake, with more than 90% probability.”

The AI analysis was carried out by Art Recognition, a Swiss company based near Zurich of which Popovici is co-founder. It has analysed 400 works with this technology, and has an ongoing collaboration with Tilburg University in Holland.

Its report concludes: “The AI System evaluates Samson and Delilah not to be an original artwork by Rubens with a probability of 91.78%.” In contrast, the scientists’ analysis of another National Gallery Rubens – A View of Het Steen in the Early Morning – came out with a probability of 98.76% in favour of the artist.

The National Gallery bought the picture for £2.5m, equivalent to £6.6m today, and some have suggested that it would now fetch far more as The Massacre of the Innocents sold for a record £49.5m in 2002.

Michael Daley, director of ArtWatch UK, who has researched the painting extensively, described the AI report as “exceedingly damning”. Daley is among those whose serious doubts about the painting’s attribution to Rubens have always been dismissed by the gallery and Rubens scholars.

Critics have long argued that it is only a copy of a Rubens original that is known to have been painted between 1608 and 1609 for his Antwerp patron Nicolaas Rockox which then disappeared after his death in 1640.

They argue that the National Gallery picture is a different painting, one that only surfaced in 1929, declared a Rubens by Ludwig Burchard, an expert who, after his death in 1960, was found to have misattributed paintings by giving out certificates of authenticity for commercial gain.

The picture’s critics dismiss its colours as uncharacteristic of Rubens’s palette and its composition as awkward. They question why, for example, it differs from two contemporary copies made from Rubens’s original. The toes of Samson’s outstretched right foot, for example, are cropped in the National Gallery version, while they are shown in an engraving by Jacob Matham and a painting that depicts the Samson and Delilah hanging in Rockox’s home by Frans Francken the Younger.

“For three decades, the National Gallery dismissed artistically, technically and historically informed challenges to the attribution. When a picture is wrong, everything is wrong,” Daley said.

The National Gallery has faced similar criticism in the past. It included the Salvator Mundi in its 2011 Leonardo exhibition, although it was an unknown work with doubts about its attribution, restoration and ownership. Its display would have boosted its market value and the painting sold at Christie’s, New York, in 2017 for $450 million. “Coming so soon after its ill-advised espousal of the now-rejected $450m Salvator Mundi, these Rubens findings are a calamity for the National Gallery,” Daley added.

Dr Katarzyna Krzyżagórska-Pisarek, an art historian, has long dismissed the Samson and Delilah as “highly problematic”, having identified more than 60 of Burchard’s Rubens attributions that have subsequently been demoted.

“The significance of this new AI method of authentication is potentially groundbreaking. Devoid of human subjectivity, emotion and commercial interests, the software is coldly objective and scientifically accurate. Many questionable works were attributed to Rubens at the beginning of the 20th century… There is today a distinct need for more reliable methods of connoisseurship,” she said.

The AI technology – “convolutional neural network” –analyses different features of an artist’s work, including brushstroke patterns. Popovici said that “everything that’s not by the hand of the assumed artist will come out with a negative probability” and that the technology can produce accurate results even for artists who significantly changed their style across their careers as every artist has a unique brushstroke.

She added: “Sometimes patches don’t come out with the same probability, if it’s not clear but, in this case, every single patch came out with more than 90% probability as a fake. This is very certain.”

A National Gallery spokesman said: “The Gallery always takes note of new research. We await its publication in full so that any evidence can be properly assessed. Until such time, it will not be possible to comment further.”

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at Just for Books…?

[where-the-flash]

"The Golden Touch": Walt Disney's Actual Folly

Have you ever been tempted to own DVD sets, not strictly for their contents, but for the appeal of their packaging and presentation? Have you ever been tempted to own DVDs that were enclosed in a sturdy aluminum tin case, like they emerged from a cold vault buried thousands of feet beneath the earth's crust? Have you ever been tempted to fool your fellow schoolyard chums by placing these tin jalopies in a mini fridge and handling them with sterilized tongs like they were ancient jade necklaces that you sold on the black market? Have you ever been tempted to wave the DVD's 'certificate of authenticity' in some stupid nerd's face and tell them this is only one out of a limited 150,000 copies?

These hypothetical queries were directed toward myself and I answer all of them with an emphatic "Yes"!

These DVDs that I am belaboring-ly alluding to are the Walt Disney Treasures. The brainchild of film critic/perpetually well-groomed beard-man Leonard Maltin, the Walt Disney Treasures were a collection of historic (and even rarely seen) Disney content. It covered pretty much all the bases: old Mickey Mouse cartoons, World War II propaganda, and TV shows like The Mickey Mouse Club, Walt Disney Presents, and Davy Crockett.

One of these Walt Disney Treasures DVD sets that I owned and (I suppose) cherished were the Silly Symphonies, the musical-oriented Disney shorts that were made between 1928 to 1939. Beside the fact that these shorts were delightfully frothy bon-bons made for quick consumption, they were a sort of experimental testing ground for future Disney productions (Disney's ground-breaking work with the multi-plane camera would prove useful in their first full-length animated feature Snow White and the Seven Dwarves). They also provided a refreshing diversity of form and style. Audiences in the 1930's probably wanted a change of pace from the Mickey Mouse content they were subjected to monthly at the local movie station house.

(This is my copy of the Silly Symphonies DVD set, though I seem to have inexplicably lost the tin case, unfortunately exposing its contents to all manner of elements, including that red pepper flake lodged between the doubles L's in SILLY.)

I'd spent many hours watching Silly Symphonies as a young child and I've been revisiting them recently just to see if they still retain their, shall we say, symphonic silliness. And as I was watching old King Cole prattle on about how he was, indeed, a merry old soul and how a merry old soul he verily was, I reflected on how I use to frequently spin the Silly Symphony disk on the DVD turn-table and I suddenly remembered the first short I would watch as the needle dropped onto the disk, and that short was The Golden Touch. And, frankly, I'm not sure why. There were definitely better shorts than The Golden Touch, both visually and musically. But why did I gravitate toward this one, so much so that it was a first priority watch? Was it simply an aperitif before the main entrees of, say, a Music Land, or a Three Little Pigs, or a Who Killed Cock Robin? Or was it more than that?

The Golden Touch is an adaptation of the Greek myth of Phrygian monarch Midas (the son of Gordias, inventor of the most excessively over-tied rope knot in antiquity), who makes a wish, to the Greek deity Bacchus (also best known as Dionysus), that everything he touches transforms into a yellow-orange-colored soft metal with an atomic number of 79 (Midas is granted this request after he saves Dionysus' drunken satyr of an adviser, Silenus...actually, that's a lie....Midas found him passed out in his rose garden and politely drove him back to his Bacchic abode; no harm, no foul....at worst, a speck of vomit on the rose petals). Midas revels in his new gift, but later has the harrowing, if not unsurprising, revelation that comestibles of any kind can turn into gold as well. Unless his stomach doubles as a foundry furnace, he can't very well pass gold through his digestive tract and get any meaningful nutrients out of it. Fed up with this inconvenience, Midas decides to wash his hands of the whole thing...literally washes his hands in the Pactolus River and that's it.

That's the original version recounted by Ovid, author of the Metamorphoses (according to Edith Hamilton in her landmark 1942 text Mythology). It wasn't until Nathaniel Hawthorne came along that the fable developed a tragic angle by giving Midas a daughter that he accidentally turns to gold (from his 1852 children's book A Wonder-Book for Girls and Boys). For the purposes of brevity and a desire to not be a harsh vibe-killer for ten minutes, Walt Disney chose to stick to the safer self-preservation angle of the original.

The myth is iconic in its own right. The name "Midas" is synonymous with irresponsible, unchecked greed and its consequences....wait, is it? "Having the Midas Touch", is a common phrase that, ironically, obfuscates the tale's cautionary moral with a more generic definition of easy success. There's even a company named after that greedy bastard that installs car mufflers and they tell us to "trust the Midas touch."

I guess we haven't learned anything from this myth, have we? My guess (I almost said "theory" but that would imply that I'm smart) as to why there's still so much greed in this world is that there haven't been any real substantial King Midas adaptations in popular culture. How can we learn when the masses have not been exposed to this important myth by way of a giant, money-making blockbuster? Timothée Chalamet in a fat suit laying waste to nature and his fellow humans with garish CGI effects, throw in a couple of songs, and pad out the running time with a giant battle at the end with a golden terraforming laser shooting out of the sky and you have yourself a flop...I mean, a hit!

As much as movies, television, and pop culture in general have confronted the myth's themes of greed and isolation, direct wholesale adaptations of the myth itself are few and far between. The only half-way substantial adaptations I could find on YouTube (ones that were not cheap educational kid videos) was an episode of Mythic Warriors, an aggressively mediocre late-nineties Saturday morning cartoon show that retold Greek myths, and a fairly impressive stop-motion short film from the fifties (produced by none other than stop-motion animation pioneer Ray Harryhausen). TVTropes.org lists some animated series that have dedicated episodes to the Midas concept (Hercules: The Animated Series had an episode that depicted Midas as a Bond villian and there's an episode of Yogi Bear that has Yogi blessed with "The Pik-a-Nik Basket Touch"). And if you've ever frequented a elementary school library (assuming you were, at one point, a child), you'll probably remember seeing that horrifying book cover for The Chocolate Touch, where a young boy pecks his mother on the cheek and her upper torso turns a shade of cocoa-brown. Let's also not forget the middle school play that I co-starred in called "King Midas and the Touch of Gold" (written by Vera Morris, published by Pioneer Drama Service, the leading name in easy-bake, royalty-free community theater/primary school theatrical productions since time immemorial) where I played the pivotal role (or at least that's how I delude myself into thinking it was) of Prince Ajax, Midas' future son-in-law.

Disney's The Golden Touch, as far as I can tell, is the most well-known adaptation of the Greek myth (or at least the only one with a Wikipedia article, which is its own form of legitimacy), despite it also being one of the lesser known Silly Symphonies, one that was willfully obscured by its creator and director, Walt Disney. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves is often given the ironic moniker of "Disney's Folly" due to the fact it was a risky venture that was predicted to fail, but ended up being the highest grossing film of 1937. That's all fine and good and hopefully you get pats on the back for relating that anecdote at a future cocktail party, but if there is a project that could rightfully be deemed Disney's actual folly, it was The Golden Touch.

It was the first cartoon that Disney directed in five years (his last being 1930's The Cactus Kid, though he technically directed a couple of little things here and there, like Parade of the Award Nominees, a tiny short specifically made for the 1932 Academy Awards). There are varying interpretations as to why exactly Walt Disney returned to the director's chair. One of them was that he wasn't satisfied with his animators' work so he felt the need to show them a lesson on how it's really done. Another was that one of his head animators left and decided to take it upon himself to fill that space. Or he wanted to make important movies with strong social messages. I don't know. Who knows? So anyway, he utilized only two animators for his production (Norm Ferguson and Fred Moore) and it took about eight months to finish. And it flopped.

It was such a flop that Disney's animators would often use it as a riposte to any of Walt's nagging complaints. The animators could just say The Golden Touch and the sound of bellowing airhorns would pierce the air as a plum-faced Walt Disney left the room in silence.

And that was the last time Walt Disney directed anything. Ever.

It is not a highly-regarded short, though I would argue it gets way too much of a bad rep, which is why I will defend it in my typically over-rigorous way. Let's take a look, shall we?

(Keep in mind, this adaptation is set in a medieval setting, so don't expect Mount Olympus looming over the horizon.)

We open on a wide shot of a dungeon that serves as King Midas' treasury/counting room. The floor is covered with bags and chests of gold coins. Midas is at his desk, counting each individual coin (with no aid of abacus or feathered quill to keep track of his slow progress) as a black cat, wearing an Elizabethan ruff around its neck, looks on, rhythmically curling and uncurling its tail. The location is dour, with grey stone walls and a barred window casting a solitary shaft of light on our lone protagonist (one of the bars on the window is suspiciously bent, giving the scene a more sinister cast than is necessary). There's a garish sign over the stairwell passage that proclaims, "IN GOLD I TRUST", the kind of vulgar display you'd see displayed unironically at Mar-A-Lago. The gloomy mise-en-scène is starkly contrasted with the merry counting ditty Midas sings as he stacks each coin into unorganized piles.

One billion, two million, twenty-five-thousand, nine-hundred-and-eight,

One billion, two million, twenty-five-thousand, nine-hundred-and-nine,

One billion, two million, twenty-five-thousand, nine-hundred-and-ten,

One billion, two million, twenty-five-thousand, nine-hundred-and....

Before he can say eleven (cheekily nodding that eleven would break the syllabic count of the meter), he mightily sneezes, knocking over all the piles. He notices the camera, tips his crown to the audience, and launches into an introductory song about himself.

Before he starts singing, let's take a moment to describe King Midas' appearance (or at least Walt Disney's interpretation of him). Imagine the kind of fat, middle-aged slob you find haunting the dog track, or the local OTB, adorned in slovenly dress and a cheap stogie clamped in his teeth (narrow it down to a less lovable Uncle Buck). The kind of long shot loser that, if you even emerge within his eye-line, will chatter your ear off about how great a handicapper he is and how the so-called "experts" don't know jack-shit. A red drinker's nose, a bald dome with clownish tufts of black hair on the sides of his cranium, flabby arms, large hairy man-hands, and a stringy mustache that reminds one of a hairbrush if its bristles were made of insect-legs, all ensconced in a hourglass-shaped head. Top it off with a Jughead-like crown askance on his noggin and a ratty, oversized robe purchased from a thrift costume shoppe. It's a comically grotesque character design, like a lazy court jester posing as a king. It's like if the real king took the week off and handed off the reins to his shiftless, dead-beat brother-in-law.

The song goes as follows:

I'm known as rich King Midas,

And when you look at me,

You see a king who knows a thing

About his treasury.

I've never cared for women.

I've never cared for wine.

But when I count a large amount of money,

It's divine!

(giggle)

Gold, gold, gold!

I worship it! I love it!

Gold, gold, gold!

I wish I had more of it!

My love for shiny gold is such

That I could never have too much.

I wish that everything I touch

Would turn to gold, gold, gold!

(laughs uproariously)

It's not a good song and Midas is not a good vocalist, but it fits his boorish character and it's an efficient introduction. Being someone who is not musically inclined, it's the kind of song I would come up with in an unguarded moment.

Just then, a little man appears out of thin air. The stone walls turn golden, giving the room a warmer cast. The little man is a stereotypically androgynous elf character with bald head, big ears, pointy nose, green tights, and a feather in his cap. I'm reminded of those Santa's helper elf dolls my grandma used to stick in her Christmas tree.

A startled Midas cradles his gold doubloons and asks, "Who art thou, stranger?" The little man introduces himself as Goldie. Midas replies, "What do you want? My gold?" Goldie claims gold is "chickenfeed" to him. "Behold!" Goldie proclaims as he delicately places an index finger on the black cat's head. The cat, frozen in place, transforms into a golden statuette (an 18 K designation embossed on its torso). Midas' crown does a back flip. Seemingly unconcerned about the cat and its possible demise, Midas flicks the statuette for authenticity and it "dings" in reply. Midas begins to salivate. The Golden Touch!

There's a lovely moment of acting from Midas here. Midas lasciviously grabs the statuette but Goldie stops him. Goldie wags his finger like an adult scolding a child. A look of petulance, followed by a cocked eyebrow of suspicion clouds Midas' features. Then, he reluctantly lets go and sits back with this helpless expression on his face as Goldie snaps his fingers and claps his hands, and voila, the cat is back to normal. When the cat runs away, Midas looks briefly disappointed. In a performance dominated by broad strokes of acting (his performance is mostly ham-and-cheese with a side of big hairy mitts wildly gesticulating), it's easily the most humanizing characterization of Midas we get throughout the whole short. He's a fat, stubborn child, but not so stubborn to where he won't listen or be guided by a little reason. Underscored by Frank Churchill's lilting string section, it's a moment that gently nudges towards Midas' redemption.

Midas offers his gold and his kingdom for the Golden Touch. He even takes off his robe (leading to a funny reveal that he's not wearing a regal gown so much as a regal undershirt, exposing hairy, liver-spotted shoulders). Goldie warns of the perils of the Golden Touch, but Midas won't hear of it ("Fiddlesticks! Give me gold! Not advice!"). Goldie relents and blesses Midas with the Golden Touch. He hoots a little "toodle-oo" and disappears into the invisible ether from whence he came, the room returning to its original gloomy state.

Midas twiddles his large sausage fingers, now containing a terrible power. What can he test it on? Why, the cat, of course! This rotund fool chases the kitty around the castle, with his index finger stupidly pointing out in front of him.

When the cat runs out into the courtyard, we finally get to see the extent of Midas' kingdom. It's completely devoid of humans. No servants, maids, courtiers, or jesters in sight. It's emptier than the Queen's kingdom in Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. At least she had a burly huntsman and a creepy mirror to keep her company.

The cat climbs up an apple tree, which Midas collides into headlong. The tree transforms into gold, as golden apples (due to the the sheer weight of this miraculous alchemy) fall on Midas' head (though some of the apples still retain their red hue, which never made sense to me. I presume Midas' initial collision with the tree shook some of the apples off the tree before the alchemy took effect). Unfortunately, the cat is transformed into gold as well. Midas, delighted, grabs the stiff tail of the golden cat and lifts it up like a scepter, proclaiming, "It works! It works! Whoopee!"

Midas launches into a giddy dance, holding up his robe like a maidens' skirt (why doesn't his robe turn to gold?), and sings a mindless ditty that seems, much like the first song, shot from the hip in a passionate moment:

The Golden Touch!

The Golden Touch!

The Golden Touch!

The Golden Touch!

La La La La!

La La La La!

La La La La La La La!

Midas touches the flowers, each flower (well, they're golden flowers now) sounding like a tinkly bell in rhythm with the song. He approaches a bird fountain and twirls his finger in the water. Somehow, he is able to twirl the water upward as it turns to gold, creating what looks like a pile of excrement with a curlicue pig tail on top. The birds appraise it like studious art history majors.

He approaches a water fountain, places a hand atop the gushing water, and an avalanche of gold coins spurts out (the visual of this moment, coupled with the sound effect of the coins, reminds one of a big cash payout at a video slot machine). Then he turns the fountain into gold, mid-gush.

Then he turns two pan-flute-playing satyr statues into gold (you begin to feel the creative vitality of this sequence winding down if two boring satyr statues is Walt's idea of a victory lap).

Midas prances through a hallway before approaching a big mirror. Since he is a lonely monarch, he talks to himself. More specifically, he discusses the possibility of turning the whole world into gold. His reflection becomes a separate entity and applauds the king's lofty ambitions (a overused visual gag, but it's fine). The king smiles and gives himself a golden tooth.

After a long morning of touching things, Midas treats himself to a full banquet of food. This scene is the revelatory moment when Midas discovers the foolhardiness of his wish. He attempts to eat grapefruit but as he dips his spoon into the pulp, a stream of coins shoots into his face. Midas takes it in stride at first, affecting an aristocratic manner, using a gold coin as a mock monocle. Peeling back a banana, he gets a pile of coins rather than a sweet fleshy treat. He grabs his goblet. Mouthful of coins,

Midas is starting to get worried. He forks a succulent roast chicken from across the table. Just as his teeth touch the skin, the chicken is now a golden chicken. In petulant frustration, Midas touches all the dishes before flipping the entire table.

(The sound design is also quite interesting: throughout the short, when Midas turns things to gold, there's a tinkly, quavering bell sound that emanates. It's frothy and angelic, echoing Midas' glee at his newfound power. Now, when he's touching all the dishes in the throes of hunger, the sound is more hollow and cacophonous, evoking the gold's now chilly uselessness. When he's biting the gold-plated chicken, it sounds like someone hammering a slab of metal.)

Midas is pulling his hair out and laughing maniacally. He approaches the mirror from earlier and asks his reflection, "Is the richest king in all the world to starve to death?"

His reflection, now a golden skeleton, nods in assent. Frightened, Midas tries to flee the castle. Unfortunately, his long shadow serves as the veil for a giant golden Grim Reaper blocking the door. The sound that comes out of Midas is.....is it possible to call one's frightened gasp 'blood-curdling'? It's a gasp that has 'fatal coronary' written all over it. The skeleton makes a slashing motion across his throat and the king runs away. Probably my favorite moment in any cartoon.

A shaken Midas returns to his treasury and pleads for Goldie to return, all the while crying like a infant. Goldie, indeed, does return, mocking Midas' vanity. Midas begs Goldie to erase "this golden curse". He offers Goldie his entire kingdom for one "hamburger sandwich" (charmingly redundant phrase). A pretty drastic offer: a complete enunciation of all materialism and power, all for a sandwich whose existence would cease after three masticatory cycles of the lower jaw (it takes me three bites to finish a hamburger, a pleasant sight for anyone whose ever eaten in my presence). Being the maniacal sadist that he is, Goldie teasingly asks him, "With or without onions?" Midas says plain is fine. Goldie "toodle-oo's" back into the eighth dimension.

We get a wide shot of the dungeon treasury (if you notice, the desk is not centered in the shot like it was in the opening and the ceiling is way higher. Mainly because it's about to be used in an upcoming match cut where we see the massive dirt pit that was once the treasury, to show the overall scale of the castle's evaporation) as the castle begins to implode. Debris is falling and there's this putrid gold filter that flickers on screen (like a strobe effect) to simulate the implosion. It's not great.

Midas is now standing in an open pit that was formerly the treasury. His kingly robes disappear, replaced by a Depression-era railroad bum outfit with polka-dotted undershirt, striped boxers, and a tin can as a replacement crown. Then, as promised, a hamburger sandwich appears out of thin air. Midas is ecstatic, but hesitant. He slowly and nervously touches the hamburger sandwich (covering his eyes in the hopes that...well, his hopes won't be dashed). It remains a hamburger sandwich. He looks under the bun and exclaims with a toothless smile (the gold tooth is gone...little details do not go unnoticed), "With onions! Whoopee!" Midas voraciously gnaws at his hamburger sandwich. La fin.

So, why is The Golden Touch considered such an ugly duckling in Disney canon?

Backlash towards it, at least from the perspective of the animators, was either a case of expectations being raised too high (considering that Uncle Walt was behind it, you would think it would be the most amazing work of animation to have ever been farted out of that blessed studio), or just plain old schadenfreude (Walt was known to be a prickly pear, so animators rejoiced at this supposed "failure").

I don't have an opinion on what makes The Golden Touch strong or weak from an animation standpoint (I'm not an expert on the finer details of animation). You can't really go wrong with Disney in terms of technical craft, so all I can is say is that I like the animation. It's good....except for that palace destruction sequence.

A common criticism of The Golden Touch are that the characters are unlikable, with Midas being a loud man-child and Goldie being a snide rogue who harbors no sympathy for the king. It's also criticized for not being terribly effective as a fable either, with Midas' redemption hinging not so much on a moral realization of gold's inherent evil, but rather on the self-preservation instinct that starvation inspires in desperate, selfish people. Sure, Midas' hunger for gold is extinguished, but it just ends up being replaced by a different kind of hunger. And judging from his rotund physique, his whole existence is driven not by any sort of human compassion (since there's no one around for him to be compassionate towards), but rather by satiety. You could argue the ending has a Depression-era populist moral, relating to the common man and how to be content with little, but it doesn't seem to point in any hopeful direction in its otherwise hopeless protagonist.

And also, people didn't find it funny (well, Disney shorts were never that funny; they were just clever in a smirky way) and thought it was too long (The Golden Touch is ten minutes long, the longest of the Silly Symphonies). But that's subjective.

And if we want to be shamelessly nitpick-y about it, we could say it barely qualifies as a Silly Symphony. It only has two songs, and they're easily disposable. It leans more on the "silly" than the "symphony" and it falls short of the mark of being both at the same time and that's probably irritating for anyone who is that much of a literalist.

These are understandable criticisms, but they're also rather narrow readings. It's being judged too much through the lens of "meaningful fable" or "typically whole-hearted Disney fare".

The Golden Touch, at least to me, feels more like a farcical condemnation of privileged wealth. Its flippant tone and irreverent disregard for easy morality is more akin to a Warner Bros. cartoon. It doesn't have the same snide mean-spiritedness as Bugs Bunny torturing an opera singer, but there's a noticeable lack of sentimentality, especially compared to other Disney projects. This tonal flippancy can be seen as a failure of intent, but if it is, its unintended effect still works. It felt different from other Disney shorts and probably why I gravitated towards it the most. It had...edge. Well, about as much edge as a butter knife, but relative to other Disney shorts, it manages to draw a pink mark on the studio's lily-white skin.

I like King Midas. Midas is a larger-than-life clown whose childishness and slimy charisma are engaging in a mildly acidic way. This is all due to Norm Ferguson's amusing character design and Billy Bletcher's gargantuan baritone. It's a well-realized interpretation. I can't say the same for Goldie, who is basically a squeaky-voiced dime-store leprechaun with a mischievous countenance, but it's serviceable.

It's enjoyability is also enhanced by its visuals, especially when Midas is turning everything into gold. The golden touch is, obviously, the short's creative weapon and I'm still entranced by its various visual gags. The sequence when Midas is prancing around in his garden has a playful tone that is acerbically contrasted with his casual destruction of nature. The sequence with Midas at his banquet table is funny while also being palpably tense (you cam feel Midas' panicky frustration at not being able to eat).

The ending itself is a pretty bold reimagining of the blandly happy ending that often bookends the Midas myth. It often just ends with Midas learning his lesson and retaining all his worldly goods. In Disney's The Golden Touch, Midas literally loses everything. Sure, it's based on Midas' impulsiveness (he doesn't even think twice about what he's saying when making that fatal deal with Goldie; he's just an mindless animal blurting things out in desperation), but that impulsiveness and recklessness is just punishment for a man who has no business ruling over anybody, or anything for that matter. Uncle Walt is a much harsher critic of Midas than Ovid or Hawthorne ever were.

I also like The Golden Touch simply because I like the dark, suggestive undercurrent of the tale. The myth itself is already bathed in frightening implications. The eerie uniformity of a kingdom glazed in a dull sheen. And not being able to do...anything, let alone eat. It's crippling and isolating and would send even the most stalwart soul into the fetal position.

Granted, The Golden Touch doesn't morosely dip its head into the widening gyre of its scenario. It is ultimately a silly, harmless cartoon at its core, but it's the suggestion of that darkness that matters. It's only a ten minute short and yet, its conveys its world with brisk efficiency and surprising creativity. And though it might not feel wholly satisfying in its brief running time, it managed to fire up my young imagination.

Even its inconsistencies are engaging. Like, when he touches his cloak, why doesn't it turn to gold? When he touches the apple tree, why are some of the apples still red? When he forks the big chicken, why doesn't the chicken turn to gold right there since the chicken is touching the fork that he's holding? Why does the chicken turn to gold when it touches his teeth? Is it implying that other parts of his body have the golden touch? If that's the case, then why don't his slippers turn to gold? This infinite regress of nitpicks, far from being frustrating, are actually tantalizing and fun. It gives the viewer license to wrap their head around the thorny practicalities of having such a curse. Like, I'm just imagining one of Midas' servants (if he has any) dangling from a rope and dropping pieces of chicken into Midas' mouth, in the vain hope that none of the meat turns to gold if it touches his uvula.

Also, I like the golden skeletal specters of death near the end. It's always nice when a cartoon aimed for children reminds me of the finite time I have left.

Would it be trite to compare King Midas to Walt Disney for the purpose of a sassy put-down? Yeah. I'm sure one can't help but make that comparison. Were they both somewhat controlling bastards who got a taste of their own medicine? Sure. But that's just symmetrical poetical thinking.

If anything, I could almost see the short as being self-deprecation on Walt's part, playfully imagining himself the way he thought other people saw him. He purposefully created a demon so others could slay it, and hopefully inspire confidence in his animators to outdo themselves. But that's symmetrical poetical thinking on my part.

The simple honest answer is that Walt Disney sincerely tried to direct a short, and nobody liked it, and he remained wounded about it ever since. But I think ol' Walt might have been a bit hard on himself. The man tried and I think it worked. It was a noble attempt at something different after multiple cartoons tackled such tried-and-true subjects like cats, birds, flowers, trees, mice, pigs, kittens, bunnies, insects, fish, and other assorted nursery rhyme miscellany. Walt tried to tackle the inner darkness of mens' souls, and he did it with the kind of palatable whimsy that we can expect from the man. It's good. I like it.

Now, I will end on my own sassy critic blurb: "The Golden Touch? More like The Silver Touch."

Thank you.

Further Reading

Mythology: Timeless Tales of Gods and Heroes by Edith Hamilton (the classic, go-to source for Greek and Roman mythology, although her section on Midas is listed in the section entitled "The Less Important Myths", which frankly kind of undersells my rigorous, pain-staking scholarship on the subject; how am I to be taken seriously on Tumblr with that kind of attitude, Ms. Hamilton?!?)

The TVTropes page on the Midas Touch provided examples of the myth's impact on pop culture; not an exhaustive list, I imagine, but it definitely answered my persistent queries on whether there have been any substantial adaptations of the myth.

When Walt Laid a Golden Egg by Jim Korkis https://www.mouseplanet.com/10214/When_Walt_Laid_a_Golden_Egg

Lastly, an interesting little article about the history of the short in question.

[sun-death]

Theory has turned into repressive consciousness. The proletariat has become a myth, not in terms of its existence, but in terms of its revolutionary role as the class that was to liberate all humanity and thus resolve all socioeconomic contradictions. In reality it exists in all countries characterized by the formal domination of capital, where this proletariat still constitutes the majority of the population ; in countries characterized by the real domination of capital one still finds a large number of men and women in conditions of nineteenth-century proletarians. But the activity of every party and every group is organized around the myth. The myth is their source. Everything begins with the appearance of this class, which is defined as the only revolutionary class in history, or at least as the most revolutionary. Whatever happened before is ordered as a function of the rise of this class, and earlier events are secondary in relation to those lived or created by the proletariat. It even defines conduct. Whoever is proletarian is saved; one who is not must expiate the defect of nonproletarian birth by various practices, going so far as to serve terms in factories. A group achieves revolutionary existence only at the moment when it is able to exhibit one or several "authentic" proletarians. The presence of the man with callused hands is the guarantee, the certificate of revolutionary authenticity. The content of the program defended by the group, its theory, even its actions, cease to be important; all that matters is the presence or absence of the "proletarian." The myth maintains and revives the antagonism between intellectual and manual. Many councilists make a cult of anti-intellectualism, which serves them as a substitute for theory and justification. They can pronounce any idiocy; they'll be saved; they're proletarians.

Jacques Camatte, This World We Must Leave and Other Essays

[zimbabwesituationg]

Who is Angel, the Zimbabwe ambassador involved in gold smuggling?

He also claimed that his laundering operations had the approval of Mnangagwa, who has been in power since November 2017.

But exactly who is Angel, the controversial character at the centre of the documentary?

The 44-year-old is the founder of Spirit Embassy, a church with branches in several countries including the United Kingdom, South Africa and Zimbabwe.

It became known as Spirit Embassy in 2007. The church rebranded as the “Good News Church” in October 2015, while “Spirit Embassy” became a term for his overall ministry.

He is known for preaching that God wants his followers to be wealthy and for promoting doctrines referred to as prosperity gospel, which assert that financial and material gain are the divine will of God for all pious Christians.

In 2012, Angel shot to fame for performing a series of controversial miracles, including creating what he dubbed “miracle money”.

He claimed he had prophetic powers to produce valuable commodities such as gold, diamonds and money that could mysteriously find its way into people’s pockets and bank accounts as well as a bank vault.

The sermon was so popular that he ended up travelling across Africa performing for believers and promising them miracle money.

During his tour, he claimed to have performed a controversial weight loss miracle in South Africa, where a woman looked on utterly amazed and agreed with him that her husband had suddenly lost weight.

His antics attracted the attention of former Zimbabwean central bank chief Gideon Gono who summoned him and ordered him to stop creating the so-called “miracle money”.

But Gono later sided with Angel, saying he had not violated any of the country’s monetary laws.

In 2018, Angel made headlines yet again for sensationally claiming to have successfully walked on water, one of the miracles performed by Jesus Christ in Biblical times.

He later reversed this claim and explained the incident was a metaphorical “demonstration of faith” and not a literal walk on water.

The man who sells everything

Angel, who claims to have two university degrees in finance, is also an author and has written several books on faith and prosperity.

He also runs satellite-broadcasting channels, Miracle TV, GoodNews TV and Wow TV, which broadcast his crusades and sermons.

He runs his church as a business. Under the Millionaire Academy, Angel teaches the fundamental aspects of becoming a millionaire and targets business owners who want to develop their companies “into something greater than themselves in his church and beyond”.

His Osborne Institute of Theology charges £499 for a theological certificate and £799 for a diploma. The ministry sells merchandise, hosts conventions, takes offerings online via Visa and PayPal and provides what he calls “prophetic retreats”.

In 2014, he was accused of fraud and money laundering by a former member of his church in the UK. He has also been criticised for his lavish lifestyle, which includes luxury cars, private jets and expensive homes.

In one of several documented cases of sexual misconduct, Angel was accused of asking a female congregant to send him nude pictures of herself on Twitter and WhatsApp. The digital communication records were authenticated by Twitter for IP addresses.

Angel attempted to destroy the records, but they were retrieved and compiled into a documentary. He has faced other allegations of infidelity and has been unrepentant when confronted with evidence of his wrongdoing.