#it may just be my own Structures at play here but it just makes me so uncomfortable to look at it

[chiropteracupola]

frantically scribbling hornblower in his terrible outfits

[luveline]

also didn’t realise that amanda was their little baby but here’s an idea if ur up for it. amanda inherits like spencer’s smartness i guess and so when she starts spewing facts about the random-est stuff spencer’s overjoyed and then bombshells just staring at them with adoration in her eyes?? idk something really fluffy

“Shoes?” Amanda asks. 

“Yeah, babe.” 

“No thanks.” 

You hold Amanda’s socked feet in your hands. “You need shoes to keep your feet warm.” 

“I’ll have socks.” 

You look past her tiny face to her father for some assistance. Spencer scratches his neck, looking absolutely exhausted, though he’s dressed sharply. You’d spent a few minutes finger curling his hair this morning before it dried, and he’s brushed them out gently, giving him a windblown look. You pretend to take a photo of him. He rolls his eyes. 

“Amy,” he says lovingly, baby-voice in play as he leans over the back of the couch, “you know why you have to wear shoes?” 

“Why?” 

“Because growing up, your feet are very small, and very fragile. They need time to grow in proper structures, and they can’t do that if you don’t wear shoes when you’re walking a lot.” He gives her shoulder a rub. “Don’t you wanna match me and mommy?” 

“You wear shoes… different. Mom has heels,” she insists. 

“What if I wear flats?” you ask, eager to leave the house before afternoon. 

She shakes her head, crossing her arms over her chest with a Spencer style pout. 

Spencer sits down next to her with a sigh. You’re both aware of how smart she is for her age, and while it can be interesting, it’s also made some stuff so, so hard. Like explaining shoes. “I’m not want to wear them. It’s good for my skin to breathe.” All her r’s sound soft, like w’s.

You rub your eyes. Spencer sucks in an excited breath. “Yes! Skin can’t really breathe, but it’s good to have it uncovered sometimes to help your circulation and your pores.” 

“‘Xactly,” Amy says. 

“And, you know, shoes that don’t fit right force your feet into narrow positions, which can cause a whole bunch of problems.” 

“No shoes,” Amy says. 

“But…” Spencer backtracks, thumbing under her eyelashes gently. “If you don’t wear your shoes, we can’t go out to the store for groceries and we can’t go to the bakery on the way home. Which means you won’t get your sugar donuts, mommy won’t get her slice of cake, and that’s gonna make me so sad.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I love when your mom is happy. It makes me happy when she’s happy. She doesn’t look very happy now, does she?” 

In all honesty, you’re much too pretty to be sitting on the floor, tights to the carpeting and your cute black dress bunching up your thighs. You refuse to close yourself into the ‘mom’ box some may expect of you, dressing as you had before you became a mom, but you’ve allowed Amanda the opportunity to choose your necklace; a gold pendant ring with green and pink sapphires. It’s gorgeous, colourful, and doesn’t even slightly go with your outfit. Spencer reaches for it now, tugging it straight carefully against your neck. 

You frown deeply, pulling your widest, softest doe eyes. “Please, lovely girl, put your shoes on. Or I’m gonna have to be strict, and I hate being strict.” 

“Don’t fw-own, mommy,” she says, listing into Spencer’s side, “you’ll get wrinkles. Worse wrinkles, ‘cos your muscles remember.” 

And again, all her r’s are w’s, her pronunciation lispy and sweet despite her amazing expertise. Spencer laughs and takes her face into two hands, kissing “Wow, smarty pants,” into her crown. “You’re so smart! I can’t believe it!” 

You feel your annoyance softening. Fine, she’s a smarty pants, and you secretly love it so so much. You’ll just have to carry her to the car. Or her genius dad can carry her. Actually, that could be great, Spencer’s never looked so handsome as he does carrying around your little baby, especially now he’s started working out every now and then. 

“Better role your sleeves up, Spence,” you say, standing up off of your knees. “I’m keeping my heels on. Daddy’s gonna carry you, and you’re gonna get wonky feet.” 

“That’s fine,” Spencer says to her in a whisper, “I’ll carry you forever if you want me to, even if you do get all wonky, bubby.”  

Amy preens as she wraps her arms around him and he picks her up. He takes her shoes from your hand without her seeing. 

“Isn’t she amazing?” he mouths, and he means it, his eyes wide with it. 

“She’s gonna protest socks, next, Spencer Reid, and then what are you gonna do?” you ask. You aren’t half as concerned as you’re pretending to be. Amy’s a baby. She’ll learn how important shoes are soon enough. 

“I’m gonna hold her in my coat, like this,” he says, pulling his coat over her legs. 

“Like that,” you say to yourself, grinning. “Okay, you two do what you want. Can we go now? We really need to get some groceries.” 

[meanbossart]

Oh boy, VaM is kind of a trial and error experience LOL I couldn't really show you how to use the interface and stuff without a whole video or something, but it's not THAT difficult to get a hang of if you just give yourself a day or two to play around, not to mention the number of tutorials you find out there. Luckily, if you only want to use it as a reference software that makes the process far easier (to this day I have no idea how to animate on that thing, since that's not what I use it for)

As for how I use it, it's pretty self explanatory - if there's a complicated pose I want to draw but I'm either having trouble with it, or just want to double-check angles/anatomy, I will use it as a resource! I use for most of my "proper" pieces (y'know, the nicer looking ones) and every once in a while for my silly comics if I'm having trouble with a pose.

Lets use this drawing for example (the character on top of DU drow belongs to @namespara )

I don't draw a lot of mud-wrestling (shocking, I know) but I had an idea of the kind of pose I wanted them to be in. So the very first thing I did was make a rough sketch of what I was envisioning:

I often do a rough sketch first, even If I know I'm going to be pulling the program up because A) It's less tedious than adjusting the models over and over again until I pick a pose and B) because sometimes I'll decide I don't need the reference, after all, and so that's 30 minutes I'll have spared myself of playing around on the software.

Now, this is a pretty complicated pose! It's in a weird angle and the bodies are making contact in ways I'm not used to depicting, so I did choose to whip out VaM for this one. I went into the program and after some messing around, I flopped my little dolls together like this:

Now something really cool about VaM is that you can completely customize your models, and if you have the patience, I would definitely encourage you to do so! Obviously, you don't have to make picture perfect replicas of every single character you have, but as you can see here I have made a DU drow "decoy" to help me better understand some of his features when I draw him: he has a strong brow, a short nose, a square jawline - these are all going to look a very specific way from certain angles, and I might not always be sure of how to draw it right! So it's useful to have models that bear SOME semblance to the character so you can better understand how different viewpoints will affect their bone structure and mass.

Also thank fucking god for the elf-ear slider. Figuring out how to draw those shits from certain angles was a huge pain in the ass when I started drawing DnD races.

So, with the reference in hand, I go over the sketch again:

Now you may notice that I don't stick to the reference 100%. There's three reasons for this:

posing on VaM is tedious as hell. You can get something incredibly natural looking and picture-perfect to reference from if you wish, but it's going to take you hours to do. So, for the most part I just slap guys together until the results are "close enough" and use that.

In my opinion, you should always aim to ENHANCE your reference material, not replicate it exactly!

While VaM is a PRETTY DANG GOOD source of anatomical reference, it isn't perfect, I often supplement it with further reference from real life resources or make tweaks based on my own knowledge where I catch it falling short (and, antithetical to what I just said, I sometimes fuck the anatomy up further on purpose if I think it looks better that way LOL it's all jazz baby).

Then lines, color, yada yada. I don't have a tutorial on that and I don't think I could make one, because my process is chaotic as hell, but I do at times use Virt-a-mate as loose reference for lighting too when coloring - waaaaayyyy less so however, because that process is even more tedious and I feel like I often get better results by just winging it. It is a feature of the program though, and I'm sure it would be helpful for someone who has a difficult time visualizing lights and shadows. I only started using this program a few months ago, so I happened to already have a pretty good understanding of that kind of thing and just don't personally feel like I get much out of that particular mechanic.

Here's a few other examples of pieces that I made reference for (WARNING: Suggestive)

Now, for the question many of you may want to ask:

"Can I trace this junk?"

And to that, I say: Buddy, you can do whatever the hell you want with the reference material you created.

However,

If your goal is to learn and improve your art, and to recreate realistic proportions and anatomy from memory, tracing won't help you.

Developing your own style, your muscle memory, and personal technique will all be hindered by choosing to trace instead of drawing from observation, so I would encourage against it. Hell - even when tracing is employed as a technique, it's usually by high-skill realism & concept artists who are looking to either cut some corners, save time, or just double-check their own proportions in order to improve further - if you try tracing as a beginner, you will most definitely find the result to still look stiff and "off".

So trust me, there is so much more to be gained from drawing from observation. Make note of tangents, compare proportions, use all the elements of the picture to dictate where and how things should go - it will be a far more rewarding experience.

Hopefully this has been helpful! VaM is a really cheap program (you get it on the guys' patreon for I think 8 dollars, just google it!) and it's definitely been worth my money as an artist since I found it. Learning to use it can be a little intimidating at first glance, but as I said above you only really need a day plus one or two tutorials to get a hang of the interface.

A fair warning though, IT IS A SOFTWARE MADE FOR VIRTUAL SEX/ADULT ANIMATION So when looking it up expect to see a some spicy content.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Unknown Ep 7 Brain Rot Moments

First of all, this show is incredible. 

Second of all, I haven’t stopped thinking about certain parts of this episode and that means I want to write about them. But I have absolutely no idea what there is to say besides “!!!!!!” 

So I guess here are the small movements of the episode I cannot get over:

The way Qian’s hand hits the couch and bounces on to his lap when San Pang asks him if he has feelings for Yuan. And I honestly can’t tell how much of what I love about it comes from the motion itself, this loss of strength that drops his arm limp beside him when faced with such a question, or if it is the sound of his hand hitting the couch that really sells it for me. The sound when Qian’s hand hits the couch is short and sharp and for some reason that noise feels like an answer to me. Especially because it is followed by silence from Qian. For me, Qian’s hand hitting the couch is his admission.

I don’t think this line was an intentional call back to last week’s episode and it certainly isn’t structured for peak emotional impact, but that does not mean that hearing San Pang tell Qian to stand straight didn’t immediately give me war flashbacks to Qian telling Yuan to stand straight in the midst of Yuan’s confession in Episode 6

Just so many parts of the phone call, probably like all of the phone call scene is just gonna be burnt in to my skull for a considerable time, but especially the way Chris is so legible in expressing Qian’s hesitation, and the way that Kurt is so legible in expressing Yuan’s desperation. I loved the initial panic of Qian feeling the weight of what he was about to do and trying to bail out, the way that Yuan immediately calls him back because he is not going to let this opportunity sneak past, the way that Qian is breathing, how tense he is, how much he has to breathe to steady himself, to mentally prepare to answer the phone and have this conversation.

gifs by @ueasking

How tiny Yuan’s voice is, contrasted with how big his eyes are when he says hello because he can’t believe that this is actually happening. 

How awkward Qian is here, this may perhaps be the most awkward I have seen Qian act. There is so much uncertainty in this conversation with him, the way he has to pull the “how have you been?” question out of his own head, the way he chews his lip as he listens to Yuan’s life updates.

The way Yuan’s lower jaw moves when he is desperately trying to find other topics of conversation, other questions he can ask Qian to keep this conversation going longer. The way that his silence goes on just long enough for Qian to get the “anything else?” question out. The way his jaw moves and his eyes widen and he leans forward when Qian says “bye bye.” It’s exactly the type of reaction I would see from someone trying to physically reach out to someone that is just beyond their grasp. He can’t yell wait to a dial tone.

gif by @ueasking

The way Qian starts to notice Yuan. He fully has not see his face at this point, he hasn’t heard his voice, or his name. But he is staring at Yuan’s shoes with his mouth slightly agape, because he recognizes them.

The way his eyes eventually work their way up in his disbelief, to look at Yuan’s head. The way that he immediately reaches out to Yuan, puts his hand on Yuan’s shoulder. It makes me think about how much Qian wants to, needs to be connected to Yuan. Because the time between when he figures out who is standing in front of him and placing a hand on his shoulder is near instantaneous.

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Following that, the way Yuan slides Qian’s hand off of his shoulder when he is talking with the businessmen. I do not know what it is about that moment, but considering the preview for Episode 8, it feels very in keeping with a character that is playing hard to get. Even if that isn’t the case here, in front of all of these coworkers is definitely not the place for intimate touching between brothers.

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

I am also thinking about how that does not dissuade Qian, who then reaches straight for Yuan’s neck. Something tells me these side of the neck/side of the face touches are not platonic or brotherly… but I regardless I appreciate the way that Unknown affirms Qian’s reciprocated feelings for Yuan by having him be the one initiating a lot of physical contact after barely being around much less touching people. I think the only time we see Qian initiate physical contact before Yuan’s return is when he grabs San Pang’s arm to stop him from contacting Yuan.

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

The way that Yuan cares for Qian once they are in the taxi and heading home, the gentle removal of Qian’s glasses, tucking Qian’s tie in to his left pocket, right over his heart. The way that the tie sticks up just a bit so you can see a piece of Qian poking through

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

The way Qian does not resist at all when Yuan reaches over and slips his arm behind Qian’s neck. The way that Qian lets himself slide further and further until his head is resting against Yuan’s shoulder. Yuan did not pull Qian down, Yuan didn’t push, Qian fully moved THE WAY YUAN RUBS HIS THUMB AGAINST QIAN’S UPPER ARM.

gif by @aejeonghae

The way Yuan breathes in this scene to regulate himself because a lot has just happened, because Qian is Right There, because Qian reached out, because Qian is touching him, because he is back home after four years with a lot of uncertainty hanging in the air.

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

I don’t know about anyone else, but I will be thinking about Yuan putting his hand around Qian’s waist as Qian walks towards the bed. This is an entirely unnecessary action from a movement standpoint as in Qian is able to walk on his own, and Yuan slides this hand to settle at Qian’s waist as they walk, so he isn’t using it as a way to support or steer Qian. That feels like a stolen moment for Yuan, and opportunity for him to hold Qian in ways he has wanted to.

The massage Qian is getting from both Lili and Yuan, this is such an interesting moment for me because it places Yuan’s action here firmly in the familial, siblings category since he and Lili are performing the exact same action. And not only that but they are bickering like siblings do while they massage Qian’s shoulders. Unknown does not and will not stop reminding its audience what this story is about, who this romance is between. Yuan being adopted, Yuan being sent away for four years does not make Yuan any less of a brother to Qian or Lili. They did this earlier in the taxi too, Yuan tells the businessmen that Qian is his brother, Qian tells the businessmen Yuan is his little brother. The time and the distance has not changed how they view each other, they do not lie about the nature of their relationship to one another. There is no fresh start here.

THE EYEBROW QUIRK. GOD I THINK THIS IS MY FAVORITE MOMENT OF THE EPISODE. I literally cannot even explain why, I could not tell you what Qian is reacting to here. Personally I think it is an attraction to Yuan thing, that it’s as much of an admission of his feelings for Yuan as the sound of his hand hitting the couch was.

This tired, but genuinely happy smile, dimple and all, hearing Lili and Yuan bickering in the hallway. Yuan and Lili are here. Yuan and Lili are being ridiculous. Yuan and Lili have fallen right back in to their dynamic despite the time apart. Everything is as it should be. Yuan is here. Everything is going to change. Yuan is here. Yuan is here. Yuan is here.

gif by @ueasking

I have said it before and I will say it again that I am not a fan of incest plotlines, I especially have a lot of qualms around romantic and sexual relationships between adoptive siblings, partially because I think it undercuts the fact that they are family. It bothered me in The Fosters, it overwhelmingly bothers me in Umbrella Academy, it bothers me when “we may actually be related” plotlines are added to things (looking at you Shadowhunters series). I recognize a pattern with the ones that I hate being all heterosexual relationships, and I think some of that hatred stems from the fact that a lot of these plots exist because there aren’t enough women in those stories. 

I find it interesting that I had no problems with Ai Di and Chen Yi in Kiseki: Dear to Me because we never see them being raised together and thus there is a massive separation. And I currently don’t have any problems with Qian and Yuan inevitably getting together, for precisely the opposite reason. Unknown has really put the time and effort into showing the dynamics, into building the childhood, in to seeing where these characters came from, into turning these characters into siblings. Yuan understands from the beginning why he should not confess to Qian. Qian reacts to Yuan’s confession in a way I think is realistic. They have four years of no contact, they have four years to reflect on what happened that day, how they feel about each other. They have four years to see what life is like without the other person there, if they can survive it. And Qian cannot. 

But Unknown is not going to let us forget that these are brothers. San Pang knows it is wrong but doesn’t have the words to express it. His aparpent relationship to Lili will serve as an interesting parallel to Qian and Yuan’s relationship because San Pang considers them all family, considers Qian his brother, and yet here he is dating a member of that family. Idk I guess I just feel like they are handling the contents of this show very well, and I am going feral for the physicality of these actors. 

[shuamorollss]

unfortunate unexpectations — l.hs x f!reader

In an everyday attempt to avoid the man you eternally loath. Of course, the universe isn't always by your side as you accidentally reach a dead end, with no other choice but to dance with him.

romcom, regency era, enemies2lovers, just cute bickering warnings— not proofread, first time writing this kind of trope pls bear with me. 2.6k wc + reblogs are greatly appreciated!

author's note— I'm back again with another piece ( I'll disappear for a few months after this)! I wrote this exactly on Hee's bday but I only decided to post it now since i didn't really feel satisfied with this when i finished this a few days ago :/ i still don't so I may delete this when I'm in the mood to make changes ^_^ BUT HERE IT IS!! Happy belated birthday to my hubby wubby @Heeseung 😅❤️❤️

perm tags— @jangwonie @jungwonize @luhvlyuna @w3bqrl @ineedaherosavemeenow @leaderwon

"Would you be so kind and get that for me?"

Oh how annoying. You thought, gently tricking your finger up to block your ears and releasing in an instant, wanting the bothering itchiness to fade. His arms stretched beside you reaching to the the man holding a tray with glasses of wine.

Oh how you knew he did it intentionally.

Heeseung's boldness to give you an order was extraordinary, baffling even. You were not in a higher position than him, and he wasn't much higher than you, though he was just there, and heeseung didn't want to play the "he was just there" role in your life. He always feels the need to spite you at any given time, similar to a cricket making noises while you attempt to sleep.

Though much to his dismay, you certainly do show his own place as just a nobody in your existence; to which he never seems to catch the hint of your unintrestment.

Or he might do, only walking in and out of your life in terms of spitting utter nonsense to your peace.

Honestly, it did work. It made you fume and it certainly made you want to do more than just give out the usual glare and other threatening expressions to the other.

You turn around with utter confidence, meeting the man's eyes unbothered. Your eyes observed his structure, his unfortunately dashing attire, and his pretentious face.

As you check out the details of his sleeves, your eyes darted to Heeseung's exact shift of expression, smirking.

It was certainly expected, yet so mind flaming. You'd rather just explode right then and there than to keep up with whatever he wants to pull to you.

"You know, if a lady looks at someone from head to toe for too long it must mean that they yearn for that someone." He lets out a prideful scoff, eyes mockingly going through you as he sips from the wine glass.

Disbelief in what you heard, you halted your eyes from any further notice. Proceeding to roll your eyes at the man who had unknowingly tinted your cheeks red.

"Don't be silly, I was looking at your outfit. Actually baffling but not surprising for you to wear something so… Eye-vomiting." you spit. Twirling against his view and proceeding to waltz away from his standing figure, not setting a single glance at the man behind you. A fuming smoke sets up your chest at the realization of what you had just done to that awful of a man.

You explore more of the manor by yourself, enthralled by every piece of art plastered on the clean walls. You found an inner piece at the volume of the hallway, no noble bands performing and people crowding the room as they tap their feets and hearts out, it is truly a wonder to feel.

"Lady Y/N!"

Of course, every pinch of euphoria has their cut to its end, as one of your acquaintances calls you out.

"Oh, Lady… Lily? Was it?" You asked softly and loudly, as the woman clicked her heels towards you.

The girl smiles, "Oh yes! Though please, just call me Li."

"Alright, Lady Li."

…

For moments to what felt like hours, chit-chatting with Lady Li as you both walk around the manor corridors. The both of you had now reached your very destination which was the party itself that you so desperately want to be separated with.

You timidly smile at the girl beside you, eyes widened agitatedly at the crowd. "Uhm, Lady Li," The other nodded, her eyes also seemed to be searching through the sea of nobles.

"Why did we decide to return to this room?"

Lily simpers her smile as her eyes turn fixated on one figure, "There he is!— Thank you so much Lady Y/N for keeping me company through the manor." She gives you thanks, walking away with delight eventually linking arms with a man who Lady Li might have been searching for. great.

Another woman infested with men's validation, how unfortunate.

Your eyebrows furrow as you stare at the couple in disbelief, letting out a brief sigh at the thought of almost every woman here might be just like that.

"Feeling all bitter now, are we Lady Y/N?", you trembled at the sensation of his teasing breath tickling your ear.

"What on— oh... it's you again."

"The one and only." Heeseung lets out a ridiculous triumphant smile, the smile that makes you feel itchy in all aspects of your body, it was extremely bothersome reaching to the point you would rip your hair out to the unspeakable rage you feel for the male.

"Don't make that face now, a real lady doesn't do that, well— that is, if you are even a lady." He chuckled, always digging deeper into your little actions in an attempt to reach you to the edge. How delightful.

"Your words remind me so much of my younger brother's pitiful counters." You face the opposite once more, your heartbeat slowing down at each step you take far from Heeseung, hoping to have a similar instance from earlier to happen once more.

Unfortunately, the things one desires don't really happen twice. As you hear the footsteps of the man through the crowded noise, the only shattered expectation you wish did not.

"Oh so I remind you of your family now? How thoughtful." His smirk added to his audacious response that could be sensed at such a distance you didn't even know was possible without even taking another look.

"It means you're just as annoying as my brother, don't take it as a compliment."

"I presume older sisters still love their annoying brothers nevertheless, so that must mean you secretly feel that way for me too if I remind you so much of your annoying brother."

"Oh how great, you can go stay in your own personal pride zone Mr. Lee, though that zone, will tell you to cut it out very soon."

"I doubt that, I think I can sense what's true and not true."

"Being ever so ethical now, aren't you?"

"You know what they say… I am that of a gentleman."

"Well so ethical now anymore, 'cause, you see… you claim to be a gentleman which in fact is ridiculously wrong, no, you're not a gentleman."

"Okay lady, I figured that was a mouthful to sneer."

Your eyes widened, subconsciously sighing aggravatingly, utterly lost of the others' words. "Please don't follow me."

"I'm not following you."

"You are? Don't make me feel stupid."

"I don't think I'm doing that."

You continued to walk further and further, you don't know where, it could be just anywhere to be out of this man's grasp.

not even reaching an uncomfortable minute of making your way, Heeseung finally made it way up to you for god-know-what reason.

Only a few more threads left to untangle until you implode, besides showing this man what you're capable of doing, you weren't about to do anything in front of hundreds of people.

You swiftly turn to face the man following, "Look Mr. Lee, don't even attempt to come and step closer—" the hissy grin never ever fading from his look. Before you snap even further, you raise your head as the lights suddenly turn dim, the current music start to tone down as the band plays a new mellow romance.

The both of you faced your worries, silently questioning the sudden change of atmosphere.

"Now, it is time for the party where the gentleman… dances with the first lady they set their eyes on, Amuse-toi bien!"

…

..

.

His eyes were on you, and yours on him. Slowly developing the idea you most certainly would refuse to believe.

"No." You shook your head promptly with no hesitation.

"Y/N."

"No, don't even"

"Y/N—"

"No. Not ever. Never in my life. Never in a millennia. You can serve the mediocrity of mediocrity— I am not even paying attention to what I'm saying, but just so you know, I am not dancing with you."

You groaned continuously at his spews, this chit chatter going nowhere at all. Heeseung was also growing exhausted of your opposed responses. Hearing your never ending hatred for him is never known to him, although being in this position during an all rounded dance segment, he was not about to embarrass himself in front of such nobilities.

"Y/N just—" His hand abruptly slid up your waist sending your internal nerves through every stage of shockwaves.

"What are you—" Your words began to halt from his tightened grip, slowly putting power on pulling you closer… and closer… too close to say the least.

"Just this once, we don't want to leave a bad impression at a party we're just mere visitors at." His breath fanned your neck and sent shivers down your spine. Truly a feeling between his embrace that you have never felt before.

Too much of a guilt to even feel, considering this is the man you swore your whole life to loath yet here you are. No other way of escape out of this man's grasp, other than to spend a minute and more with him following the melodious rhythm serenading within the whole room.

"Fine. This doesn't change the fact that I want to scar my name on your face."

"How romantic." His lips curved sarcastically, eyes shifts into pure mockery as it lays on you. You couldn't say if you were teased by his softly menacing gaze or comforted by it. Eitherway, you couldn't register the right words.

"Besides," Heeseung continues, eyes darting away from yours, looking elsewhere within the ballroom, suddenly a light flashes your vision, snapping you back to your current position, right in front of Lee Heeseung.

"I don't even think we could get away from this anyway, we're literally in the middle of the dance floor." His head shifts in every direction to deem his assumption correct, which you mirrored.

It's true, the both of your are really in the middle of the ballroom.

You felt blockage on your throat, as if your vocal chords refused to spit words out of your mouth. The close proximity between you and Heeseung felt extremely new, you wanted to escape it so quickly yet, quite in a state of culture shock of his careful and kind demeanor as his every step to the rhythm of the music are seemingly careful not to make a mistake or you could say in other words, step on you.

The distance soothes, your hands still intact as the both of you walk in circles. His gaze locked onto you as if a man had seen the beauty of the moon for the very first time. He was allured, not only to the sight of your eyes but also your entire attire.

Who was he kidding? He was making fun of how you looked earlier, or was it you who taunted his? Even he couldn't remember. What is this contact causing him?

His eyes followed the direction of your eyes shifting all the way to your linked hands rising, following the rhythm and everyone else's. Only then Heeseung was able to return to his composure.

Being quiet with you didn't exactly make him feel like himself. It's indeed a peculiar case, his eyes fixated on your focused figure attempting for a thought, any words, any attacks, frankly quite anything.

"I feel conceived Lady Y/N," He started, your eyes now transferring to the man.

"Did you walk all the way here on purpose just to lure me in this dance?" He smirks, deeply hoping he did not look ridiculous in your eyes, which in fact, he did look ridiculous to you, though in basic sense, he always does.

You scoffed, "Don't be such a crude, I was walking away from you, or if you didn't understand that, I was escaping you. however, you followed me. If anything, you expected this dance to happen beforehand." You sneered at your words, feeling vastly proud of regaining the upper hand.

"Now now, shifting the blame onto me?" He jokingly asked, swaying forward and backward, then continuing to circle in unison.

"Well, I couldn't be wrong." Your raised your brows at the man, receiving a tuneful chuckle.

"You're ever so ethical now aren't you?"

you scoffed, "Touché."

After a few warm-hearted rhythms, the distance slowly basking in, his hand starts to tenderly slide from your hand up to your shoulder. Now facing your back at a dangerously close proximity. The way his fingertips barely made contact onto your skin yet it still tickled, sending you into unreasonable wonders.

Lee Heeseung? Sending you to unreasonable wonders?

"What if I tell you that I really expected this dance to happen and followed you to be able to have this dance with you?" he breathes out.

Your mind stood place, frozen. It couldn't function solely because of those words.

You knew this was his tactic of his obvious teasing yet... that had sent your heart into places you did not expect for it to reach. Your breathing abruptly stopping at every emphasis you place into his words.

It wasn't any different for the man, he was hellishly anxious.

The way his hand stood still on your shoulder, then slowly sliding it down to your hand the same thing he had done at the start. He felt crazy, he couldn't grasp the feeling whether he's disgusted at this contact or was it, satisfactory?

Heeseung's breath unawaringly hitched in unison to yours.

The high-rising tension the both of you are desperate to escape yet… would embrace it more long.

As Heeseung's hand reached your hand, the distance once more soothes, or did soothe for you? Did it to him?

One spin had the same closeness return, now you two are entirely facing each other.

How did this moment feel too slow? normally the dance routine did not walk this type of pace before, usually it happens quickly before the music finally comes to its end.

The silence echoed immediately through the other's ears, having the slight worry of gkving you discomfort.

Worried? Heeseung, really?

Heeseung lets himself battle his own internal conflicts as the outer silence continued. You were in a desperate measure of developing a genius idea for a comeback yet none came into mind. The unexplained whimsical threw you off, the fact this man had to send you in this type of frenzy was never in your lists of expectations.

Yet now, at this very moment, changed your very view on your surroundings.

All because of this very man you swore to loath ever since his eyes laid on you.

One last twirl to the maiden as the band's instruments faded into the void, completing the romantic waltz.

As everyone in the middle applauded their elegant and coordinated routine just now, both you and heeseung processed your breathledd tension just earlier.

Finally having all the words reached the right parts of your brain, finally having control of your conscious, your hatred to the man came back with it.

"Aww, you really do feel deep adoration for me, Lee Heeseung." you politely curtsied. contrasting to the tone of your voice, as you reply to the man's words from a few minutes back.

Heeseung lets out a chuckle, "You know what? Maybe I do have a thing for such abominations."

"Haha. Aren't you a clever guy." You gave him a wide infuriating smile, as you turn around walking away from his presence, now leaving the man at the middle of the dance floor.

It was a peculiar state for you. You swore you completely lie instense hatred for the man, yet now you're smiling at his mere words that usually drives you to banging your head on the wall, sometimes the urge to bang his head on the wall.

Yet what happened just earlier felt, extremely out of place, something you couldn't quite explain for the time being.

You were conflicted about being bothered by it.

How it bothered your feelings, bothered you deeply.

A memory that surely the both of you would engrave in later lifetime.

.

..

...

"Wow, she called me clever."

© seungiepup. please do not modify, edit, copy or reproduce any of the works published.

[lesfir]

The "tragedy" of the ascension. No, another word beginning with "T".

Triumph of Evil. confide a secret This is Great.

I rate this story as a Triumph of Evil, which however does not mean tragedy for the evil character. Such an assessment requires a basis within the canon.

Original Astarion, describes his story to the Bosk bear Act 1: Astarion: Tell him your tale - wealth, power, vampires, crypt...

He remembers what he once had and what was taken from him. He has several goals depending on how much strength he has and how successfully he plays the cards of fate: defense, free, revenge, power. \get the hedonistic pleasures debauchery but that's another topic.\ A little analysis of Astarion's path of evil to triumph.

I'm more interested in the latter (Power), as it's where the complex moral begins. These are not all examples, but these are the ones I liked this time.

Astarion: What's not to enjoy? I can walk in sunlight, trespass upon any home, manipulate minds - I'm the most powerful vampire in the Realms! Astarion suspects that the parasite may have negated some of the downsides of being a vampire spawn. Perhaps his master has no power over him anymore. I can only add 10 audios :[

Astarion: No, I'll be safe when I'm powerful enough to grind Cazador into the dust. Powerful enough to do whatever the hell I want.

Astarion: But I'd have to climb so many stairs. Anyway, I already have my eye on a palace in Baldur's Gate. devote. NodeContext: 'palace in baldur's gate' Cazador's palace.

Astarion: Now that's what I like to see an elf at the head of an army. Even a Sharran one.

This shows the dialog over cult control very well. 33 Phrase only when the player hesitates. In other cases 31, he says: it sounds fun (it's useful to have and fun) It is well crafted depending on the player's play style. I analyzed that structure here. Astarion: I'm just saying there's an opportunity here. If we can control the tadpoles, we can keep ourselves safe and liberate the world from this evil. devnote. NodeContext: pause be 'liberate' as he considers what would sound good to a goody-two-shoes player. Astarion was thinking less liberate, more dominate

Astarion: I'm just saying there's an opportunity before us. If we can control the tadpoles, we can keep ourselves safe and enjoy a little world domination on the side. Astarion: You can't tell me that doesn't sound fun.

Important to note that Astarion is cunning enough to realize: There's a chance that he won't get any help, a vampire spawn, outcast. Not "Hello, my name is Astarion, give me whatever I want". So he adds logical, understandable, honorable goals. He benefits from emphasizing honorable one, especially for a good player. He also does the "puppy eyes" thing. Goals like his desire for protection and freedom. Power - that he tries (at least a little) to soften. Softening and logic - it will help us, it will protect us and save us. It makes sense. In my opinion he is absolutely right. No one wants to be tentacles, gnomes at duergar or Arabella's parents. Power is a nice thing in Faerun to have. However, his goals are diametrically opposed to the good. Because he tends to have a brutal power style and finds it fun. (this pie wouldn't mind owning the world) depending on the style of play with the evil player, he's more open. And those goals that are half-false - to liberate the world. There is logic in "liberate the world" since mind flayer is a worldwide threat and changing the world as they please. Not Good. Astarion, however, harbors a desire to rule - a city minimum. Which incidentally was his character before slavery, Magistrates do become Magistrates for a reason. Astarion's reason is wealth and power. There are so many moments. Even if you poke at the globe.

Moments aplenty are some of the ones that show his "Evil" by DND traits. Evil in DND is selfishness, doing what I want even if it's harmful, greed. Let's get back to genres. Tragedy implies the death of the hero. This is the meaning of tragedy and the difference from drama. Drama - combines the comic and the tragic. Unlike tragedy, drama can have a positive ending. Since when is a tragedy when a character has everything they've ever dreamed of, enjoys and doesn't give a fuck? This is the arch to the beginning - wealth and power. More greater. Astarion rather doesn't change in his Ascension. It's Astarion who has a Christmas present dropped on him in the first act. And it makes him euphoric, considering "feeling alive" for the undead is quite a thing. It's important to realize that Astarion isn't exactly an ordinary character. He's an evil character. Which for Wyll is hell. For Astarion, it can be considered fun when it's not happening to him. Watching someone fight to the death like on a show, for example. Do I have to include a screenshot here? XD "Astarion Approves It" is the title of a crime book. There's something light, certainly, otherwise it's not interesting. Astarion's dark side is luring. But the book is still on the top shelf, in the "evil" section. Curious how he perceives eternity. Astarion: Immortality is only as good as the life you're living. An eternity of luxury sounds a lot better than an eternity of struggle.

Astarion doesn't like the downsides of vampirism - it's mirror, sun, hunger, and for spawn, lack of power. But the very idea of Immortality, like eternal beauty is tempting.

Ascension - it's a vampire cheat, he feels alive, the vampire depression of the Vampire Lords eternity won't work for Ascension, that's the point of it. A Vampire's dream can't just be the same vampirism.

Here's a great video everything we know about Ascension and how it works. Immortality without the downside. Power, life of luxury. Astarion approves. It's Great. It's a Triumph. And it is the Triumph of Evil. (selfish, hurtful to others, greedy payment) BG3 Epilogue. Original God Gale. Lord Astarion. Astarion: You can't be serious. You miss being weak? Falling ill? Ageing? devnote. NodeContext: Slight stress on 'aging' Astarion: We can be honest with each other, Gale - one immortal being to another: this is great. devnote. NodeContext: "this is great" as if confiding a secret.

[yzy-dragon]

I absolutely ADORED S2E9 "Three Stories" of Link Click and was a bit surprised to see the discontent here on Tumblr, and I totally understand the reasons why people didn't like it, especially in the context of the pacing of the rest of S2 (which I also have some opinions on but I won't talk about that here), but I also felt the need to just get my heart out why I love it so much. A bit of background, I'm Chinese American but have lived in and visited China numerous times.

Music and theater. As a western classical musician and an amateur Chinese opera singer enthusiast (I saw someone else post about the possible inspo this episode got from Chinese opera), I VIBED with the artistic direction of this episode SO much. The three-part structure was almost like a sonata/symphony (and remember that one scene where Qian Jin was air-conducting in a previous episode!!) or scene changes in a Chinese opera. Nothing needs to be said about the animation style that hasn't been said already, but I like how scenes from the three individual "stories" were interwoven and reused like leitmotifs. Especially that crazy, tortured laughter. Idk if any of the parallels were intentional on the part of the director, but it's what I got from it due to my personal experiences. I know that's a highly subjective takeaway though, which brings me to my next point....

Qian Jin's "tragic" backstory. I know a lot of people were upset that the extent of Qian Jin's tragic backstory was "oh his wife cheated on him", but I think the "basicness" of his struggles was the whole point (by the way, this segment displayed various attitudes towards work, family, marriage, individual pride, and life in mainland China so subtly but so well!). I also don't think sympathy was the main thing we were supposed to feel for him, although of course there is some. The whole "tragicomedy" aspect of Qian Jin's story is that it's not some horrible, terrible, rare thing that happened to him, but a common problem faced by so many hardworking but busy married men trying to provide for their families: infidelity. But Qian Jin sees himself as the main character of an elaborate play that rivals the great dramatic classics (which, funnily enough, often depicted very DRAMATIZED versions of a rather basic series of events). And his viewpoint is validated when....

Qian Jin meets the twins. That segment is still largely from Qian Jin's perspective, because we still don't really know how LTC and LTX even feel about him. But for Qian Jin, it's a stroke of fate and fortune that could only possibly happen in theater. He's very far removed from reality at this point. Reality is that a cop whose job it is to investigate violent crime comes across two kids who are the victims of a violent crime. Again, nothing particularly special or even coincidential. It's comical like that.

The fairy tale section.  Unlike the first two, I think this segment is from Xixi’s perspective, which not only justifies the cartoony artstyle but also makes it heartbreaking, due to her childlike innocence.  Like Qian Jin, she also perceives her reality as something it’s not, but unlike him, she doesn’t have delusions of grandeur of being a tragic protagonist.  It’s just a little fox trying to survive in a forest full of predators and hunters.  

All that tortured laughter. I’ve actually noticed in a lot of Chinese media that they like to use laughter as a way of signifying a person’s complete mental breakdown due to the tragedies they’ve suffered.  It’s a very internal thing that has people on the outside going, “WTF?”  In this episode we have a lot of characters crazily laughing together at the same time and it seems like they’re relating to each other, but in reality they’re all trapped in their own nightmarish hells and motivated by selfish purposes. 

Back to the topic of Qian Jin, even though he (innaccurately) may see himself as the hero of his own story, it's not enough for him. He wants to use Cheng Xiaoshi to change the past. He wants to become the director of the play.

I know a lot of people were disappointed this episode didn't advance the plot, especially in regard to Cheng Xioashi and Lu Guang's storylines, but I was actually prepared for a backstory episode and couldn't have been more satisfied. Again, I have other opinions on the rest of S2 but at least standalone, I think this episode was nearly perfect. And I really wasn't expecting this, but it's really elevated Qian Jin to one of my top characters.

[ros3ybabe]

Current Japanese Study Routine + Resources 🎀

As you all may know, I am currently self studying Japanese and Spanish, though I am putting Spanish on the back burner for now so I can focus more on Japanese as that is where my passion lies at the moment. Lucky for me, there is a Japanese language and culture club on my university campus that I am (hopefully) going to join next week or the week after, given how busy my schedule ends up being. I thought I’d make a little post about my current routine that I use to study and what resources I am currently using and am planning on purchasing to use in order to build my proficiency in this beautiful language!

Current Resources 🩷

Apps - I am currently playing around with several apps to see which ones work for me, so here is all the apps I currently have downloaded to my iPad/phone

Duolingo - this has been a go to for all language I’ve ever tried to learn, it’s useful for me as a basic introduction to vocabulary, sentence structure, some grammar, and I just like how it involves typing, speaking, listening, and reading.

Drops - this one is just a fun little 5 minutes gamified way to learn vocabulary for me, it’s definitely a go to on my lazier language learning days

Bunpo - I like this for learning the kana but I didn’t realize it costs money to use fully so I am debating purchasing a subscription to the paid version

Write Japanese - this one I’m using to learn the correct stroke order for the kana and I like it for the most part

Renshuu - I just signed in to use this one last night and it looks interesting. I’ve seen it recommended by several blogs and even when google searching language learning and watching YouTube videos so I’m excited to try it out!

NHK for School - I saw someone recommend this on their blog and I remember using the website version in the past so I know this will be helpful when it comes to reading

Jisho - this is a dictionary app that I’ve seen recommended on so many platforms and I’m always open to a good dictionary!

Japanese - this one was recommended on a blog post and it allows you to add vocabulary and interesting phrases so I thought it’d be useful once I start on learning sentence structure and grammar

Italki - this one is the one I’m most excited to use. It connects you to people who speak and teach your target language for a set timed lesson, and it does cost money but you pay by lesson, not on a subscription basis. So if you do one lesson the first week and then another lesson in three weeks or something, you only pay for those two lessons. I’m really looking forward to trying this one out in the future once I get more comfortable with speaking.

Anki - a flash card app I am using to currently learn hiragana and will soon use for katakana and eventually kanji and phrases. I was gonna use Quizlet but I ended up liking this one better for my current needs.

LingoDeer, Memrise, Babbel, HiNative, HelloTalk, Hey Japan, Busuu, Kanji, Kana, Sensei - apps that I have and have not tried yet. I really like the ones I’ve already tried so I’m not sure if I’m going to use these ones soon but if I get bored of current apps than I at least have alternatives to turn to to continue learning

Textbooks/Workbooks/Materials - I currently own two workbooks but will include the resource I am planning on buying, as well as any stationery material I am also using!

Japanese for Busy People I - This was the workbook we had for the Japanese class I took at my university while in high school. My dad ended up buying it for me if I promised not to take Japanese classes once I went to college. (My parents don’t believe it is useful to know and they are helping pay for my education so I didn’t have a choice.) I haven’t started reusing it yet but once I am comfortable with the kana then I will resume using it.

Let’s Learn Katakana - this is a katakana writing book my older brother bought for me (he is supportive of everything I have an interest in even if he doesn’t understand it himself) and it is really useful for learning and practicing writing katakana. However I am still focusing on relearning hiragana so I will return to this workbook after I solidify my hiragana knowledge.

Genki I and Genki II textbook/workbook + answer key bundle - I am planning to buy this off of Amazon as I have heard from most people who are learning Japanese on their own that this set is really useful for self studying so of course I am going to invest in it once I get paid next week.

I am also looking for a hiragana, katakana, and kanji writing workbook to practice those skills.

Free Online Resources -

YouTube!

Anime!

Music

Manga

Anything free I can find online when google searching resources

Stationary Supplies -

Kokuyo Campus Smart Ring Binder in pink

Tombow Fudenosuke Brush Pens in black

Index cards

Pilot g-2 fashion pens

Zebra mild liner highlighter/markers

Papermate Mechanical Pencils

Mini notebook to carry around for vocabulary

My iPad + Apple Pencil + Goodnotes 5

My Chromebook

A lot of resources but I am trying to stick with this for the long term. A few years ago, I self studied Japanese everyday for about 2 years and gained a good understanding but fell off from studying Japanese when I went to university.

My Current Study Routine* 🎀

*when I have more than 30 minutes to study, if I only have 30 minutes or less I just mess around on my language apps

I currently do not use any workbooks or textbooks as I am trying to re familiarize myself with the language. Here’s my current study routine!

Practice Anki flashcards 3 times or until I get 85-90% correct

Practice hiragana writing in Write Japanese app (~10min)

Duolingo lessons for 10 minutes

1 Japanese language Drops lesson

Use Renshuu until I get bored (~10-15min)

Watch an episode of anime as a reward (Japanese audio with English subtitles)

I will switch this up to a more structured way of studying once I start using my textbooks and workbooks, but for now this relaxed style of learning is working for me time wise and attention wise (ADHD brain right here).

I also listen to Japanese music throughout the day and try to recall hiragana characters correctly in my head when I have the time. I also sneak in some practice when at work on my apps and whatnot. I mentioned in my last daily check in some of my favorite Japanese artists, and I also love Japanese versions of K-pop songs too! I’m currently watching Bungou Stray Dogs on crunchyroll right now, and I’m open to any recommendations for what to watch next!

If anyone has any language learning tips or resources they’d want to share, feel free to comment! It would be greatly appreciated!

Til next time my lovelies 🩷🤍

[naturecalls111]

I wrote this on twitter but I thought I'd put it here too, since I occasionally get asks on how I draw/any tips I might have. On twitter I also made the caveat that I don't feel I'm qualified to give anyone tips, LOL, but I was drawing today for an assignment and felt like this is worth noting to any beginner artists who have a tendency of clinging onto sketches that they feel like they finally got right! (A.K.A, a habit I still have years later HA!) This isn't so much of a tutorial as expressing my thought process in this discovery of how to draw more dynamic pieces. I found it to be satisfying on my end, seeing it unravel, so hopefully it can help someone who may be struggling with the same thing I am.

MAKING MORE DYNAMIC PIECES, A PERSONAL STUDY!:

I wasn't upset by this drawing, but I could tell there was something stagnant about it so I ended up pushing it and redrawing it a million times to see if I could somehow make it look more dynamic.

Here's one part of the timelapse - I'm clearly adamant on trying to make this pose/composition work but while the sketch itself may look better, the stagnation hasn't changed. Perhaps this works for some people, but anyone seeking a dynamic visual will be able to spot that this simply isn't working as anything more than a semi-decent anatomy study attempting to be applied.

I changed the position of both arms, I tried to play around with the angle of the head, I tried to just the hips forward more so that the spine had increased curvature, but the main issue, really, was that the initial composition lacked the dynamism in general. It prioritised dramaticism over dynamism. Both can exist in the same piece - it did not, in this one.

This was the new sketch I started with. Less rigid base to go off of. Just getting down the general shape I wanted to score - make the spine and tail take a sort of mid-whip path, shoulders hunched, hips cant forwards, as if he's curling in on himself. I think for a dynamic piece, it's more helpful that your initial sketch uses the body as a general marker as opposed to something to do lineart over (granted, I don't really do lineart anyway, my sketch is usually the extent of my "lineart", but since this is just looking at creating a more dynamic composition, I think it still applies!)

Here it's the same principle. For the left image (the legs) I've established where the knee of the right leg goes, and where the hip that precedes the left leg will sit. These are just base anatomical structures that help me figure out 1. Whether or not the mere idea of this composition will work, and 2. where I have to stop once I start drawing. For me, having some sort of limitation for the body helps me stay within range of proportionate anatomy (not that I particularly care for the anatomy to be realistic, just proportionate to the style I'm drawing in)

On the right image is also the same principle. Establishing the movement of the arm, the elbow/arm bend, and the hand. (If you see the full sketch before the two above, I established the hand in that one too - it really is helpful figuring out the placement of the hand ahead of time.) If it looks atrocious afterwards I always have the lasso tool/eraser to save me.

The new attempt brings me to this. While preference in art is subjective, I do think I'd be staying in SOME realm of objectivity when I say this is more dynamic than my initial sketch, LOL. Of course, lighting/rendering choices help push the composition a little more, but this achieves what I couldn't do with that first sketch. I had a general idea, but it's important to know when to let go of something that clearly isn't working.

Would love for anyone to add their own tips or ideas to this post - I'm not particularly known for dynamic pieces so I'm always looking to learn. This was a really valuable study for me so I wanted to share it, but everyone has their own method and what works for me may not work for the next person!

There's a few other asks that asked me for tips on general anatomy, and more specifically legs (oh dear god, I'M going to need to study for that before writing out any sort of resource guide for that, lol) that I hope to get around to doing in the near future. Thank you for your guys' vote of confidence, haha! ❤️

[campgender]

i was scrolling your “life is in your home too” tag, which I love btw, and saw a post about how you learned to be a good dom from experienced expert doms by reading how they dom and some of their best scenes, do you think you could point me in the direction of some resources for me to study that too? thanks in advance, if not, thanks anyway!

(post referenced is here - link 1)

first of all tysm for this ask (+ your incredibly kind follow-up), it was a delight to receive + i’ve been wanting an excuse to talk about a lot of this for a while so i very much appreciate the interest!

as always please keep in mind that i am Just Some Fem, nothing is universal including when it comes to D/s & i can only speak to what works for me. i try to focus on starting points rather than specifics but ultimately my advice will always be limited by what i needed to hear & wasn’t told, which may not be what’s helpful for a different person. with that being said, here’s some suggestions!

i’ve posted a previous reading list (link 2) with relevant recs; particularly the practicality + sex writing sections have the kind of thing you’re looking for. specifically, The New Topping Book (2003) is a solid starting point; i definitely have my issues with it (haven’t read it recently enough to recall many specifics but i have the sense of general pervasive racism & ableism) but it did a good job at making me think & i appreciate the supportive tone they were going for

another book added to my tbr since then is Coming to Power (link 3), released by SAMOIS in 1983

other authors whose sex writing has been influential in my life: Sandra Cisneros, Natalie Diaz, Joan Nestle, Judy Grahn

the fic At The End of His Rope by Letterblade (link 4) is genuinely some of my favorite sex writing of all time & accomplishes the incredibly impressive feat of representing a broad array of dom styles & changes over time in the same piece

my “impurity culture” tag (link 5) houses the building blocks of my sexual ethic

i’ve found many of those foundations by poking around the incredible bodies of work original & archived @newsmutproject @woman-loving @gatheringbones

for me, studying sex is the same as studying poetry – reading for craft is a different process than for pleasure (not that there isn’t a great deal of pleasure to be found in such practice, especially for sadists – perhaps that’s why as a child i never resonated with Billy Collins’ “Introduction to Poetry,” like i love tying poems to chairs & beating them idk what to tell you). so, keeping in mind that these are suggestions not requirements, here’s how i read for + work on craft:

there is no such thing as too much journaling. this can take whatever form you prefer – voice memo, discord message to yourself, the noble notes app, your own personal sexy red string corkboard, a vast & stunning array of other approaches i can’t even begin to imagine. i personally have an elaborate web of spreadsheets & google docs lmao. what matters is developing a collection of ideas you want to play with + a practice of continually reflecting on past experiences.

pay attention to structure, not just content. find a scene you think is disjointed and pick at the seams, brainstorm better transitions. then find a scene that flows so smoothly it carries you with it and figure out what makes it work.

rewrite a scene you’re drawn to or affected by to suit your own preferences. i first did this when i couldn’t shake “Interlude 3” (link 6) from my head after reading The New Topping Book; you can read my variation on the theme here (link 7) if you’re interested.

write or think through a scene fantasy you have from negotiation to aftercare. obviously it’s very difficult if not impossible to fully script a scene in advance; the purpose isn’t planning something you’ll later do but rather getting used to coming up with ideas to get from one disparate moment / act to the next.

revisit a scene you’ve read, written, thought about, etc and list the physical & mental acts that are required / expected of the sub (eg, kneeling for 10 minutes; making eye contact; counting to 30, etc). then rework the scene for a sub who has the same interests & goals who cannot do 20% (or 50%, or any) of these acts.

revisit a previous scene and list the places where you think a sub might safeword & why. then rework it with the sub safewording somewhere that isn’t any of these places.

i also recommend keeping in mind that like… for me, reading about ethical sex can often be a very distressing process for the same reason that it’s liberating: because it proves that things i’ve experienced are not the way sex has to be. i’ll tell this story in its fullness one day but the first time i read S/HE by Minnie Bruce Pratt i literally had a flashback to events i’d repressed for years, it was devastating, i’m so grateful for it. hell, in the process of compiling resources for this post i cried twice editing this quote (link 8) because between reading that book the first time & now someone did “respond with scorn or ridicule” when i safeworded. so i would really encourage folks to approach this kind of work with as much grace & comfort for yourself as you can muster or borrow – if it’s really fucking hard, you’re not alone in that, & it’s okay to take your time + pace yourself + seek support.

your + others’ interest is definitely motivating me to actually write posts i’ve been tossing around for months so thank you again & feel free to keep an eye out for more shut-in sex tips in my new “tomorrow sexting will be good again” tag. would love to hear your thoughts on any of this post / these or other books / whatever really lol. wishing you all the best & i hope today is kind to you! 💓

[hopefulnightlady]

141 Headcannons two, electic boogaloo (NSFW, gender neutral)

Part one (Price): here

Part three(Gaz): here

Part four(Ghost): here

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Hello folks, as promised here you have more Soup (Soap). This is possibly one of my more controversial opinions, so read at you at own risk to learn the truth. If you disagree, tell me, so I can politely tell you how wrong you are.

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As always, here be spicy content beneath the cut.

Perhaps, besides Ghost (and Price. oh god Gaz too. shit) my most controversial take.

If you think John "Soap" Mactavish is a sub bottom, kindly, this is your sign to leave, and possibly go nibble a brick wall to consume the lichen growing on it for sustenance.

This is your second, and last, warning.

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Are they all gone? Okay, now that only the objectively correct people remain:

DOM LEANING SWITCH

more sadistic tendencies than masochistic, but both exist

Listen to me. That man thrives in the military power structure, he's happy there, so he'd be happy in a kink dynamic too.

Deffo more of a soft dom

I feel he'd be playful, and assertive, and perceptive at once somehow (juuust like everywhere else in life)

Could totally decouple the giving/recieving bits of sex from dominance/submission and wouldn't think twice before power bottoming the hell out of someone.

Or just bottoming, he doesn't strike me as too picky

Could probably manage to dom someone while being pegged by them (and he'd love it too lmao)

Probably not so much a fan of physical restraints, wouldn't really get the appeal at all

What would he do instead? Maybe ask you sweetly to 'Hold onto the headboard for him, darling?'

Or simply use those gorgeous muscles of his to pin you wherever (never without warning, though, even if it's a playful pin)

Growls. he canonically does, so i allow it here too

Not to get into specific kinks too much but i feel like he'd enjoy chastity but like in a very dom way where he has his own keys and it's mostly for himself???

I know it may sound odd but I've seen people do it and i thought that was cool and Soap would enjoy that

Aftercare:

For aftercare, he'd be very attentive, and make sure you feel safe, and valued, showering you with praise

Especially careful with wound care, he enjoys impact play I’d think.

But he does NOT enjoy seeing his partner in pain they didn't want or plan to be in

Would also talk through everything PAINSTAKINGLY, like wayyy beyond necessary.

It's worse in the beginning, he'd be at least a little worried his partner might be pretending to enjoy things for his sake

As most things, the worry would fade over time, but the care doesn't

Would give BANGER massages as aftercare

The end. lmao. As always:

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[rippleberries]

Your Weyounsday treat: One of the first articles about Jeffrey Combs published.

Arizona Daily Star Sun [Tucson, AZ], 29 April, 1979, pp. 1, 4

Did they have to give the article that title? (ಥ﹏ಥ)

[BEGIN ARTICLE TRANSCRIPT]

The Arizona Daily Star TUCSON, SUNDAY, APRIL 29, 1979 Sunday Loneliness comes with actor's role

At 24 and looking as if he still drips with innocence, young is a word that can be freely used to describe Jeffrey Combs. He is young, looks young, and is in the young years of his professional life.

Also, he had an early and, given his calling, perhaps prophetic brush with a person of that name.

"My parents had a car accident when I was about a year old and we had to go into a hospital," explained Combs over lunch. "Loretta Young was in the same hospi- tal and had requested that a nurse bring a baby to her every morning to hold. So, while I was there, a nurse would come to my mother in the morning to take me up to her room and Young would feed me."

Youthful naiveté is what Combs' character in the Arizona Theatre Company production of "The Show-Off" is all about. In the play, which has its last performance tonight at 7 in the Tucson Community Center Little Theatre, Combs plays the youngest son of the family, a con- stantly preoccupied fellow who trips over his tongue and shoelaces and brings home the bacon with a formula.

This has been Combs' first season with ATC and he says "The Show-Off" has been his favorite play. Tucson audiences have also seen him as the narrator/nephew in "A Christmas Carol," as Valere in "Tartuffe" and as Diego in "The Royal Hunt of the Sun." But it's the current George Kelly comedy that places as the favorite, partially because it feels so familiar.

"The whole feeling of the show is so human, so close in a way to my own life that I didn't have to reach that far to get the feeling." Combs, the fifth of seven children, knows what a tightknit family is like.

"My own family ties are very, very close and I miss the times of being together with them. It's hard to be in such a nomadic kind of work I always want to see them.

"At times, being an actor can be one of the most rewarding things in the world. And at other times it can be very lonely."

Combs is the youngest member of the ATC resident company and he has experienced both the rewards and the loneliness this season. He says that it's part and parcel of the career he's chosen, and that it will be tempered as he grows older and gets more professional experience in the process. But he's impatient and knows it.

"One of the disadvantages of working in Tucson is the isolation. The sheer locale of the city being geographically where it is.

"I am an impatient person. There are people that I love, to whom I've had to say 'see you later.' They ask 'why?' and I have to say I'm going to Tucson to this theater. And that I might not be the same person when I get back, just as they might not be the same."

But, Combs says philosophically, the phases of life are like that. And he knows that he has been free in making the choices, even though they still hurt at times.

"There was no question in my mind whether I wanted to come here or not - certainly I felt the sacrifices were worth it. And I would like to come back here next year."

But he would also like to have the chance to experi- ment with his own ideas, collaborating with others in improvisational structures, using his own material to cre- ate worlds, rather than someone else's.

"The chances to do those things would be the only reservations I would have about coming back. It's not that I wouldn't want to-Sandy (Rosenthal) is one of the most energetic spirits of the theater. He loves it more than anybody I've ever seen. But I have this itching and my focuses and desires may go in a direction that might not be appropriate here."

Combs says that the idea of an ensemble resident company is not new to him; in some ways, it's the system he knows best from his work with the Pacific Conservatory Theatre of the Performing Arts and the Old Globe Theatre.

"I've pretty much been nurtured, pushed in the en- semble direction all along. I haven't really gone out and jobbed into a company for a short period of time, or been put in the position that the prime directive is to 'get the show up by 8 p.m. Tuesday." But he's found that he's grown in the season he's spent with ATC.

"I've synthesized some of the things I've learned relearned them through experience. I feel really relaxed in this company. Not in the sense that I'm so confident that what I'm doing is good, so I can relax, but in the sense that I can make a mistake and not feel like I've really let someone down. I can learn from the situation.

"And I've learned a sense of what the professional world is like, what the good side is like. Take someone like Bob Ellenstein. He doesn't have to be here - the only reason he is is that he's dedicated, that the experiences here will make him a better actor. He could just as easily be making 15 times more money somewhere else, doing things that were not as enriching to him."

Combs says he is unhappy with a portion of his abili- ties, particularily when he senses he's acting out of techni- cal proficiency rather than a more emotionally-based ground. There needs to be a balance, and he says that his season with ATC has given him the opportunity to work on that weakness.

And he says he waivers between the acting world and his own desires for domesticity. On the other hand, he's exactly where he wants to be.

"I love what I'm doing. The commitment is so drastic that it can be frightening, at times. The more renown you get, the more value placed upon you as an artist, the more freedom you have and the more choices you can make. But, being a young actor, you can't have all those freedoms yet.

"One needs to have some sort of perspective from other things. It's just that I want so badly to be in this business and to do the things I want to do. Maybe it's an obnoxious thing for someone only 24 years old to say, but I don't want to be a victim. I'd rather be the perpetrator, if you will." [END ARTICLE TRANSCRIPT]

[BEGIN PHOTO CAPTION TRANSCRIPT] Combs says that he has felt lonely at times this season, away from his family, friends and home base in California. At the same time, this year has been one of growth with the sort of challenges any actor needs, particularily in the formative, initial years of a professional career.

Now finishing his first sea- son with the Arizona Theatre Company, Jeffrey Combs hopes that it won't be his last. But the 24-year-old actor also wants to scratch the itch he has to do some of his own work in a collaborative, improvisational situation.

Photo by Tim Fuller [END PHOTO CAPTION TRANSCRIPT]

[shelbbswrites]

So a few people asked, but really, I wanted to write about this specific shot from the Red, White & Royal Blue trailer.

And I want to include a gif so you can see the full movement of the shot as well. I've linked the source of the gif on it to give credit.

I want to approach this as just a construction of a scene in the movie and not compare it to the book by Casey McQuiston. Though, that may come later because I plan to write A LOT about this book/movie over the next month or so. Stay tuned for that!

——————————————————————————

A Lake-Side Depiction of Alex and Henry's Intimacy

First and foremost, it’s relevant to look at the placement of this scene within the Red, White & Royal Blue trailer before unpacking the shot itself. It is the second-to-last scene before the tag. It is sandwiched between Alex pleading with Henry to make their relationship work – to “figure out a way” they can “love each other on” their “own terms.” It’s a plea to break free of the societal and systematic structures that keep them from loving each other without any hindrances. It’s the trailer’s biggest gut punch and will likely be a turning point in the film.

The scene that follows the one of Alex and Henry on the dock is one fans of the books will recognize immediately. Regardless, it plays as a heart-wrenching goodbye between the two characters, who feel so much for each other but keep getting pulled about by forces outside their control. It’s moving to see Alex and Henry hug each other and find a brief comfort in each other’s arms, even though they can’t stay there forever – yet.

That context informs their next scene– the one of Alex and Henry at Alex’s family’s lake house (assuming the film keeps that from the book). The entire trailer sets up the international and interpersonal stakes of this relationship. They go from being pushed together by their teams in the first half to being pulled together on their own accord in the second half. In the time of the latter, Alex and Henry bridge the ocean between them with contact however they can manage – texts, emails, etc. – until they’re finally together again.

And when they are, it’s in this beautiful, serene environment that redefines the confines of their relationship. They are in the public sphere (as in, in the world), but they couldn’t be more far removed from the political limitations of their usual public spheres. Here, on this dock at a lake house, there are no suits and ties. There are no titles. They are not FSOTUS and a Prince; they’re Alex and Henry. They’re two people in love who fit together like puzzle pieces — down to the complementary colors of their swimming trunks.

Every element in the construction of this scene emphasizes that, even the camerawork. It’s easy to assume the camera will eventually pull in closer, but it will likely start from this higher, further perspective in the film. It’s Alex and Henry’s moment, and the camera may not want to intrude with a harsh cut-in on them. Instead, it comes to the characters in a way that gives Alex and Henry the space they so rarely get when they’re together.

It paints a portrait that juxtaposes their usual relationship with water. It goes from something that pulls them apart to something that pushes them together. It’s not a coincidence that Alex’s line, “It’s like there’s a rope attached to my chest, and it keeps pulling me to you,” plays over this scene in the trailer. Alex and Henry’s bodies scoot closer together like magnets above a body of water that isn’t their enemy but an ally. This water doesn’t mean distance and longing and hard goodbyes but the comfortability of peace and quiet.

So, it’s no wonder Alex and Henry literally open their bodies up to each other. With their arms raised, they are opening up the most vulnerable parts of themselves – their hearts. They aren’t closed off behind formal stances or other formalities; they are comfortable with each other. They trust each other. So, there’s a built-in emotional intimacy to this scene that extends beyond Henry’s kiss to Alex’s bicep, though that is incredibly sweet and speaks volumes. Yes, Alex and Henry love each other, but they also know each other, and this scene perfectly depicts that.

——————————————————————————

Watch the Red, White & Royal Blue trailer, and follow me for more writing about characters and stories that resonate with me.

[imma-devil]

Show me | c.b

Pairing: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto (The Bear) x fem!reader

Warnings: NSFW, Minors DNI, [one action was done with dubious consent; make sure you get consent when having intimacy with others].

Tags: slight sub!carmy, switch!carmy, virgin!carmy, experienced!reader (there's a bit of a power dynamic thing going on so if you're not comfortable with that then please don't force yourself), some size kink, one use of nickname (baby), insecure!carmy + (emotional hurt/comfort??), carmy has a praise kink?, carmy needs a hug, no use of y/n, brief edging, handjob (m!receiving & f!receiving?), p in v sex, no protection (wrap it!), creampie, cockwarming? I guess, not entirely proofread.

Word Count: 4,180

Summary: Carmy and you are in a serious relationship. Carmy has gotten to the point where he knows what he wants, and that is to lose his virginity to the one he trusts. Will you show him what he has been missing out on for so long? Will you treat him the way he deserves?— Absolutely.

A/N: Hello everyone, I'm sorry I have been MIA. This is my attempt to get back into writing. It is also my first submission for 2023's Lazy Ghouls Kinktober. The prompt I used for the week was virginity.

You can not take my work or translate it without my permission. This piece of fiction is mine, and only the character belongs to its original creators.

Honestly, you should’ve felt more considerate about the situation before you. Even though you could physically feel the anxiety that was thrumming through his blood and intoxicating the air, you could only focus on the honey glow coating his curls. The sun shone through the window of your Chicago apartment, illuminating half of his frame in its warm light. His eye, closest to the sun’s reach, held a crystalline structure of the purest blue. Even as his gaze flitted away from you, searching for some ease to his uncertainty, you could only focus on his beauty. It was only when his weathered hand moussed through his curls that you were brought back to Earth. 

“Are we sure about this?” He asks, meeting your eye from beneath his lashes. “I mean… you kind of got the shit end of this deal here.”

“Says who? I’m happy with this outcome,” You smiled, your fingers playing with a crease in his pant leg. 

“I just— I want to make sure you know what you’re getting into,” he said, sealing his lips in that nervous habit of his. 

“You’ve explained it to me… I know what I’m getting, and it doesn’t make me want you any less.” You eased your hand onto his thigh, almost as if to transfer your feelings through touch. “So, stop trying to scare me away.”

“Trust me… that’s the last thing I want to do.” He exclaimed with a weak chuckle.

“I do… I do trust you,” you used him to scoot yourself closer to him on the sofa. “---and I want you to trust me too.”

“I want to do this. I want to do this with you.” He quickly averted his stare, clasping his hands around one another to rub at his knuckles. “...it’s just that, I’m not sure how— How do I do this?” 

You cover his hands with your own, tracing his tattoos with your thumbs in slow circles. 

“I mean—” He suddenly cut in, “I’ve watched it—y’know—so I’m not oblivious. I just, I— God! Why is this so difficult!?” He jumped to his feet, taking his hands to wipe the nerves from his face, his fist rising to rest over his lips; fearful that if he said any more, he would expose just how afraid he truly was. He was resisting the urge to run for the hills, the urge to accept that he just may never make it passed this step. 

You rest your hand on his lower back, slowly approaching him from behind. With your hands looped around his chest and your ear turned to rest against his back, you breathe your words of advice: “...you take it one step at a time, one foot behind the other, and I’ll be here the whole way.” 

“If you ever want to stop, or slow down, you can tell me.” You added. “I care about you, you know that?” 

“...yea,” he hummed.

“I don’t expect you to be some type of sex god on your first go…” you huffed a laugh, “But, I do expect to have a good time… and if you let me take the lead, I’d like to make it so that you have a good time too.” 

Carmy felt torn, maybe it was unrealistic to think that he’d be great right off the bat, that he could please you without guidance. All that he could go off of was the porn he watched as a teenager and the dreams of you that have been plaguing his sleepless nights. He couldn’t help but feel ashamed that he couldn’t perform to how he wanted… and at how a part of him enjoyed the way you were speaking to him. He shouldn’t like the thought of being taken care of, it was the guy who was supposed to take the lead, right? 

You could feel the warmth of his hand fall upon yours, the rough pads of his fingers trailing faintly atop your skin. A taut breath shuddered within his chest before his mouth opened to voice his want, “...show me.”

Taking hold of his hand, you led him towards your bed away from the couch, keeping in his view all the while. You placed a light peck on his hand and watched as a smile tugged at his lips. Once the backs of your legs met the mattress, you guided his rough hand to your chest, bringing him just that little bit closer. Your lips met in a gentle kiss, coaxing a pleased hum from his throat.

“Take this off f’me,“ you pointed to your shirt, the rest of your fingers still slotted with his. 

His ministrations were eager as he tugged at the fabric with his lips still against yours. You subtly released his grip, placing the both of your hands on his hips to give him more mobility to free you of your clothing. 

“Slow,” you whispered upon breaking your kiss, grinning when his body nearly chased yours. “...like this.” 

You recaptured his lips before sneaking your fingertips below the hem of his white-t, the rest of your hands soon followed as you traveled to the dimples in his back. Relishing in the goosebumps that arose on his skin, you paused to appreciate the moment. By raking your nails up the back of his sides, his body shudders. His shirt raises the further your reach meets the underside of his arms and you hook your fingers beneath the fabric to tug it up and over his head. Carmy then makes a sound of disapproval when you ultimately have to end the kiss to remove his shirt. 

To your surprise, he doesn’t shy away once his chest is bare for you to see. Instead, he mimics your action, opting to personalize it to his own liking. He begins palm first, resting it affront your belly, just barely above your core. The sheer size of his hand in comparison to you is enough to make you flutter. His other hand stabilizes your back, resting it on the crest of your ass, pulling you into him— close. Carmy rests his forehead against yours, his glossy, blown-out eyes intruding deeply into yours. 

“How’s this?” he asks, his tone bordering a plea, as his hand travels higher. His hips cant towards you while his composure inevitably dwindles, having underestimated just how much he wanted to do this before. 

You can feel the callouses beneath his fingertips trail over the ridges of your ribs, stalling as they meet the underwire of your bra. You can hear Carmy’s exhales begin to shake, watching as his lashes grow even heavier. He helps your shirt the last bit of the way with his other hand and his lips part when he finally sees the skin beneath. His eyes drift to a close as he practically breathes you in, his hand slotting into your side where Carmy’s thumb mindlessly makes a rhythm of its own in the grooves of your skin. 

You ridge your fingers over the waistband of his jeans, anchoring him as you continue your kiss. Almost as if it were a handle, simply made for your possession. “My bra,” you direct, barely registering the need to speak, all too consumed by the taste of mint gum and something warm– something undefinable. 

Now this— Carmy actually felt like he could manage. He had done it once before in high school, ushered to a party he otherwise didn’t want to attend. The girl, he didn’t even know her name, but she had already taken her shirt off for him. All that was left was the bra, he managed to fumble for it in the dark before someone barged in and marked that he remain a virgin well into adulthood. Carmy was thankful for that now; you were well worth the wait. Whatever he could’ve experienced pales in comparison to sharing this bed with you, even if it has only just begun. 

Carmy didn’t register that he would have to focus on the ministrations of his fingers instead of melting at your lips long enough to undo the clasp. You had this hold over him that was all-consuming like some thick haze clouding his vision; he wanted to give into it. But, fighting his innermost wishes, he tugged at the clasp, and couldn’t help but grin against your lips at his successful first attempt. Like a child, he nearly wanted to bolster his achievement with a celebratory fist, but knew well enough to avoid looking like an idiot. 

But, he might’ve failed at doing just that because the second he caught sight of your chest, he could feel all sense escape him. His head dropped to your shoulder, his thick curls tickling the sensitive skin of your neck. You can feel the warm puffs of his exhale against your skin, his breath growing more haggard by the second. His hands traveled up the expanse of your sides, cupping your breasts in each of his palms. His hold— incredibly gentle, muscles taut with obvious restraint. He sublimates with a fierce kiss to your nape, a groan escaping his lips despite muffling himself into your shoulder. 

“What do you want, Carmy?” you meagered out on short breath, “Tell me,” 

His arm snakes around your torso, taking a bruising hold as he anchors you close to him. His other hand gropes the mound of your breast, the vein beneath his skin growing prominent as he wills himself to hold onto what remains of his restraint. 

He makes an incoherent sound, filled with need and almost reminiscent of a word, but he nuzzles your neck as if he conveyed what he wished. He pushes his hips into yours, pulling away to look at where you met as if he were putting himself on display. “It hurts,” he whines with a wounded look… one that you would damn near call him devious for. 

You undo the button of his jeans and watch as the fabric tries to force its way open at the pressure beneath. The zipper undoes itself halfway and you guide it the rest to reveal the bulge beneath his cotton briefs. He sighs with a slack jaw at the relief, watching your hands intently in anticipation. You palm him through his briefs for a moment, teasing at the weight of him in your hand, gauging his expression as his brows lift and a throaty exhale falls from his lips. 

“You still okay with this?” you gloat while pulling away your hand, “We can still stop.”

His grip immediately snaps to your wrist as his eyes bore into yours, “Not funny.”

You gingerly hum a reply, “Kinda funny.” 

You begin pulling your pants below your ass before stepping out of them one leg after the other and Carmy takes the cue to do the same. You took a seat on the mattress, playing audience as he took off the tight fabric. He kept taking glimpses of the small cloth that was scrunched at the top of your thighs. He couldn’t help but be caught up on the fact that you were sitting before him in your underwear, your legs crossed, your ass peeking from the underside of your thigh. He would give anything to see it. The same ass he would sometimes zone out on in the kitchen from the view of his office. The same ass that was hugged perfectly from your jeans. He was broken out of his thoughts from the sound of your laughter, and he couldn’t help the heat that crept to his face at the realization that he was caught. 

Now that his jeans were gone, you could see his body for what it was. All that you could say is that you were pleased; seeing his built body and blushing face in front of you with the dick you’d been craving to see, barely hidden behind his briefs. He was almost hesitant walking over to you, like the moment was growing ever more real as it grew closer. To your surprise, when he sat next to you, he already took things into his own hands. He makes an advance at the back of your neck, swiping away any hair that resides there to clear him a space to leave small blemishes with his lips.

He was almost convincing you not to turn around, as if a distraction could postpone the rejection that he was adamant would soon occur. So, like in his pursuit of cooking, he set forth to please. He could remember the insecurity he felt when he first entered the field, the scrutiny that burned into his skin nearly as permanent as his ink tattoos, and the acidity at the back of his throat that made him feel like he was one failure away from collapsing from within. He would then drill through the motions of training and practice to overcome, like a sculptor who chiseled away at their stone. It's that same work ethic that now has him chasing your pleasure as if it were his own. It is why all sound washes away like water within his ears as he kneads delicately into your skin with all-seeking hands. As well as the reason why his kisses down the expanse of your back only relent because wanting pants were left in their wake. His eyes are sealed shut— vision abandoned so as to not see your regret nor disappointment.

 He knows yet that you’re aware of this shield, and only pains himself with a tightening chest as you pull from his embrace. The ache doesn’t go away, even once he realizes that you’ve sat yourself in his lap, facing his way. Part of him wants to flee, but he can’t even bring himself to explain why. He knows what he wants and why he’s here in this moment, but can’t ascribe the reason as to why he wants to break away despite his desire on the crest of being fulfilled— It nearly baffles him. No, It practically angers him. 

“Carm,” you begin in a matter-of-fact tone. “You’re mine— and the only way you’ll stop being mine is if you don’t want me to be yours anymore.” 

He focuses on the sensation as your arm hooks over his neck for your hand to come up and play with his hair. The soft drag of your nails against his scalp has his eyes open beneath lidded hoods.

“You’re in your head right now, and I don’t want you to be… because what you’re thinking isn’t true.” He watches the words fall from your lips and hangs on every word. “Now, I say it again— if you feel like you’re not ready, I won’t rush you. But, if you don’t want to do this because you’re afraid I don’t want you?... then you’re kidding yourself.” 

He’s all out of words to say, so instead, he lifts your hand in his and guides it to touch him where he needs you most. You’re a little shocked from the change in pace with your hand now palming his eager erection. He immediately exerts a sigh, and you mention nothing of the twitch of him from beneath your touch. 

“Don’t lie to me,” he begs with poorly masked skepticism. “I wouldn’t forgive you.”

“---that’s more than I’d forgive myself,” you shake away his concern, your adamancy shining through your expression like a beacon over a fjord. 

This time when you kissed, he tasted less like mint gum and more like molten heat. This kiss was beholden of a warmth attributed to the time spent between you, something a product of late nights cleaning the kitchen to garbled jazz and rock music from a cheap speaker. It was the product of brisk air biting at your nose during alleyway conversations, the smell of crisp mornings, and cigarette smoke wafting on the wind. The result of casual dates, never acknowledged for what they were; instead, listed as evening talks spent in each other's apartments, sharing naps, and dreams of the future. 

You hold onto that feeling, the same as he does. You guide his hand to your heat, smiling as you notice his movements stutter. Without relenting, you continue to rub him above his briefs, applying gentle friction to keep him present. 

“You feel that?” you directed his hand to set aside your underwear and up to your aching bud, “that’s my clit— do you know what to do with it?”

He stations his thumb on the bundle of nerves, rolling in languid circles. His eyes, linger upon your pussy that he’s been eager to see all afternoon, but soon look up to gauge your reaction and you can almost hear his unvoiced question of ‘did I do good?’ 

“Yes,” you grin. “Right there,” 

He nearly choked when you unearthed him from his briefs with no warning, unable to push off the change in focus seeing as he was no longer in the lead. He’s probably not much longer than 6 inches, but he’s thick and sits heavy in your hand. He watches in awe as you lick a stripe up your hand before applying light pumps to his dick, afraid to push him over the edge too soon. 

“What you’re doing to me right now, I’ll show you how it feels.” you breathe a chuckle, “...it shouldn’t feel too different.”

He briefly nods before you place your thumb against his slit, your palm working away slowly against his head while your thumb mimicked the motions of his. “Oh, fuck.” he whispers as if it almost was a question. The slight squelch from your lightly clenched fist was like the spoon that stirred the swirling contents of his mind. It was cute to witness his dilemma of where he should look, either at your glistening pussy that wept at his thumb on your clit or his dick that was bare and aching under your attention. His pants grew quicker with less between and you could tell he was nearing closer. You bridged that happy medium, fastening your pace and crooning as his pants grew into meager moans. It was only once his voice grew silent and his abdomen strung tight that you removed your hand entirely. He whined a sound of displeasure, to which you gave a remorseful smile and placed a peck on his forehead. 

“Sorry baby,” you gave him an apologetic kiss for good measure. “You have to wait, we don’t want this to be over just yet.” 

You watch contently as his breath shudders in his chest, coming back down to Earth. He doesn’t have much time to register you climbing atop of him, only truly realizing once he noticed you were lining yourself up. 

“Are you sure you still want to go through with this?” you asked, taking a moment to really confirm if he was ready or not. “---no hard feelings if you aren’t.” 

“No–” his voice croaked in his throat, “No, I want this.”

You hummed in recognition of his response before lowering yourself down on him inch by inch. A pleased smile grew on your lips at the loosening of his, all while his brows formed a tight knot and he locked in on the site of where you both met. 

“Ah, fuck~” he hissed, clenching his jaw so as to not say more. 

Once he bottomed out, his head fell slack on his neck. His face– turned to the heavens, but his eyes closed in bliss.

“Mmm, you did good.” you praised. Proud that he lasted so far, you graced his exposed neck with a gentle caress of your warm hand. Your intention was to be rewarding, but truthfully, he found it laced with temptation.

With an ephemeral sigh pushed from his lungs to the sky above, you noted the jolt of him from within you. He releases a chuckle, thick with haze. “God~   you feel good…”

“What does?--” you fight back a smile, “How does my pussy feel, Carm?”

He groans, taking a brief pause before giving you your answer. “Warm~” his breath staggers, “...wet,” 

“What about now?” you ask, lifting yourself on his cock. Your hips start to rock in a languid rhythm, rolling down on his in tortuous circles. He sets again his bruising hold on your waist, as if holding you, holding anything, could keep him in this moment. 

You watch the muscles grow taut in his neck and a subtle pink blooms in the skin above his carotid. His abdomen matches; his muscles going rigid. You could tell he was already fighting his release, and it wasn’t unexpected. 

“Carmy,” you grab hold of the side of his face, your thumb resting right on the apple of his cheek. “Just let go—         you’re allowed to feel good.”

Calling it a gasp would be an exaggeration, but it was like Carmy resurfaced for air. Once he finally allowed himself to breathe, there was nothing to be done to quell his now free-flowing moans. Carmy wasn’t loud, it wasn’t quite like the volume he was capable of when coursing out demands in a busy kitchen. Of course, he wasn’t quiet either. His voice of pleasure resembled a deep sigh— followed by the slightest upturn. 

Witnessing his pleasure added that extra sensation to have you harmonizing your breaths. Your pleasure grew balanced— as if every motion that progressed his pleasure pulled you along behind him on a tether. It wasn’t long before you felt Carmy’s confidence begin to build— his pace along with it. His hips carved their own rhythm, setting a motion faster than the one you set with his sensitivity in mind. There was a clumsy, yet endearing quality to his thrusts that had you feeling dizzy.

“That’s it, Carmy~” you praised, pulling him in chest to chest so as to drive him deeper. “Fuck~   so good."

With your voice so close to his ear, he could practically feel the vibrations. With each comment of support that you made, he could sense his dwindling resolve. The sweat building on your bodies was proof of your efforts to reach your end. But, God- Oh God– he just needed you to cum. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he finished before he got you off. He hoped you wouldn’t notice the desperation behind it, but as he captured your lips in a kiss, he snuck his hand between you to stimulate your clit. His hips were still snapping up into yours, all while he could feel you grinding down on him. It was like some sinful equation of lust and desire; his mind couldn’t bear to push through it any longer. It didn’t help that he noticed that your smothered moans transitioned into filthy whines stifled on his tongue. He could barely lift his head, solely focused on the place where you met in timed thrusts. He couldn’t bring himself to care that he broke away from the kiss, not with the fact that he could now shamelessly listen to your unfiltered moans bless the air, even if his breath was escaping him in leisured pants. 

Like a wire under a blade, your orgasm snapped into place. If your choked sound of pleasure wasn’t enough indication, he was immediately aware by the tightness that was constricting him. The sudden feeling brought him to the precipice he had been stifling with his every ounce of will. His arms had wrapped you in an embrace upon the realization of what was to come, his nose buried so deep into your neck that all he could perceive was your scent. You waited for his orgasm to come to its end, ever aware of the warmth that was filling you. You noticed his entire body go slack, his frame melting into yours like a lost puzzle piece. His hair— deliciously tickling your neck. 

You gathered your fingers in the hair at the back of his neck as you had before, brushing out his untempered curls. He made a sound of contentment, the haziness of it rumbling in your chest. His hands, which now hung loosely near the small of your back, drew featherlight drawings on your skin. With the slightest turn of your head, you placed a soft, yet ardent, kiss to his temple— resting there, so as to imprint your feelings into his very flesh and bone. 

Carmy turns with a thoughtful look in his eyes, pausing as if to commit every detail of your face to his memory before reciprocating with a kiss that veiled a million words. 

You breathe him in, smiling into the action and sensing it when he does the same. “So– how did we do?” you ask, breathless with your eyes still closed from the moment you shared. You open your eyes when he takes you into his hold, both of his hands cupping your face on each side of your jaw. The ‘SOU’ on his knuckles— visible to the slow-turning world around you. “I don’t ever want to lose you,” he whispers with his eyes still fixated on your lips. 

You brightly smile, “---and you never will.”

[actualmermaid]

Hey Christians

I am once again getting reports that some of you are appropriating Jewish holidays and traditions, and 🌠 you should immediately stop doing that 🌠

Since I'm also a Christian, maybe you'll take this better from me. I usually see this behavior from people who are white, American, and/or Evangelical-adjacent, and I suspect that you're messing around with Jewish stuff because you feel alienated from your own cultural background, whatever that may be. You belong to what is essentially the big-box-store version of Christianity, and you're probably hungry for something that feels more "authentic." That's 100% understandable! But it is not a reason to appropriate traditions that belong to a community that has not shared them with you!

Luckily, there are some pretty easy ways to get acquainted with your own cultural heritage through traditional Christian observances.

Get acquainted with the traditional liturgical calendar. Our observances are structured around the solar year, and historically, these observances were tied to the patterns of agricultural labor. Religious festivals also had seasonal significance: the birth of Jesus coincides with the lengthening of days after the winter solstice, the resurrection of Jesus coincides with the rebirth of plants and animals in the spring, and so forth. The more you learn, the more you realize how much we've lost/forgotten!

If you know where your ancestors came from, you can research how folk-religious festivals are practiced in those parts of the world! What foods are eaten? What games are played? What stories are told? If there's a church associated with "your" cultural community, you might consider visiting them around important festivals and learning what they do. Remember, you are a student, and you should still approach these observances with respect and openness!

Here's a non-exhaustive list of things to try if you're feeling the temptation to appropriate a closed Jewish practice:

Instead of observing Rosh Hashanah because you're feeling left-out by the lack of major Christian holidays at this time of year, start looking forward to the feast day of St. Francis of Assisi (October 4). Here in the US, it's common for churches to hold a special "Blessing of the Animals" service or a "St. Francis the Peacemaker" service, often in cooperation with churches from other denominations! It's a lot of fun!

Instead of trying to host your own Passover seder (I have a horror story about this that I will refrain from sharing out of respect for my Jewish friends), just celebrate Easter like the rest of us! Easter, not Christmas, is the most important day in the Christian liturgical year. There are MANY ways to celebrate Easter in a more "traditional" way than you might be used to.

Celebrating Hanukkah as a Christian makes you look fucking stupid! Don't do it! Instead, if you want a multi-day traditional Christian observance, our things are the seasons of Advent and Christmastide! Again, depending on your cultural background, there are lots of ways to "practice Christianity" around this time. Fasting (similar to fasting during Lent) and lighting the candles on an Advent wreath are easy ways to start.

Don't try to observe Torah, that's not our thing! If you want to practice more "rules," consider trying out one of the many Christian fasting traditions (NOT the "Daniel Fast," which is basically a crash diet attached to some very bullshit theology), praying the Daily Office or using prayer beads, or wearing a head-covering in church. ("But I'm not Catholic," you might say, but if you do some research you'll discover that none of these things are unique to Catholics! You're not Jewish either, but that's not stopping you from messing around with their stuff!)

Before you come at me with excuses about this not being "biblical" or whatever, keep in mind that many Jewish observances are also not "biblical"! If you really want to try out a Jewish holiday, you should make a Jewish friend and let them invite you, but it's pretty hard to make Jewish friends if you're constantly trying to steal their shit! (The last 2000 years of Jewish-Christian relations are hard proof of this!)

[nihilnovisubsole]

i think i followed you Back In The Day, seven years and seven blogs ago, for something related to mass effect (zaeed? maybe? who could say) and it's wild to come back to this site years later and find you thriving, surviving, growing-- playing ffxiv! love that game. curious how you'll feel about some side characters in shadowbringers, but i won't spoil which ones.

i do have real questions, though; writing tools. not pens or software, but personal structure tools and/or guidance. what does a beat sheet look like, for you? do you have a favored way of outlining or note-taking on your own thoughts when putting a story together?

and... i'm really curious how you hold a big story together in your head while you work on it in pieces, especially for something like dangerous crowns. there's this larger story i've been chasing around for a while, and I can't quite wrap my head around how to write the political/espionage plot for it without feeling like i've actually written a children's pantomime. the best i've got so far is "research real life events and use those as my outline" but after a point it becomes hard to keep track of all the variables of who knows what about whom, who is planning x when y, etc, etc. the characters don't need to know all that-- and may never know some things-- but i feel like /I/ need to understand what's happening on the macro level so i can move the world around them appropriately.

short version: how do YOU wrap your head around writing complex plots?

hey, anon! i started endwalker this week after a long... uh... glamour detour, so don't worry about spoiling things. i spoil myself for a lot of stories on purpose anyway. let's just say i've been attached to one too many characters who got killed.

anyway. writing. i've always handled plots the same way: clear documentation. if i don't note it down, i'm not going to remember it. i've used the same table outline since around 2014. it varies in detail for different projects, but the core format stays. i know it's kicking around in my blog archive somewhere, but it's worth reposting once in a while because people like to ask about it. here's what it looks like, featuring plot points cribbed from an endeavour episode:

i used this format for an outline at work a while back, and the team found it easy to follow, which was a big day for my ego. keeping track of plot structure is even more chaotic at work because we have multiple writers who all need to stay on the same page. we have very meticulous notes on what the player should know at which point, when we're introducing new information, and what we know, but shouldn't tell. we're also not above leaving notes like "this character has to convey X," "this character has to learn Y here," or "this is a clue that they're planning Z." it can be super on-the-nose. all that matters is that it makes sense to you. because you're right - if you get too lost, you can write yourself into logic holes of tremendous proportions. ask me how i know!

[as a sidenote, researching real-life events as a starting point has really grown on me in the past few years. my lead on coh3 had me do it. he said we were dealing with real people's history, so we couldn't be cheap or play fastball - we had to be accurate to pay it respect. even if you're not writing historical fiction, it just gives you insight into how people behave.]

i would argue that the plot of dangerous crowns is actually not that complicated, maybe to its detriment. there's kind of a genre struggle going on. at voltage, we were taught romance fans came for the relationship beats and valued them above all else. in fact, leadership told us players got irritated - which meant less sales - when the plot was too complex and took time away from the making out. political thriller fans, by contrast, expect relentless twists, high stakes, and harsh consequences, and sometimes see the relationships as superfluous.

but whatever. the point is, when you look at dangerous crowns' structure, it's a pearl necklace: a chain of anchoring events. the "pearl" scenes are where Big Plot happens. they're the reason you want to write the story, and probably the ones you have the most vivid daydreams about. the scenes in between are the string. not flashy, but important because they connect the pearls. they build tension and add logic, cohesion, and context. take the opera and hector's failed assassination. those are pearl scenes. that's a burst of drama i really wanted the story to build up to. i also had other flashbulb visions. livia by the fountain questioning herself, marcus' macbeth moment, the temple riot, things like that. so the question was, how could i believably travel between these pearl scenes? how could i make these big showcase moments connect smoothly?

if you're having trouble holding the story together in your head, i would ask, "what are your pearls?" what are the anchor points? outline those. it might not look like a necklace yet, but you'll sort of see it taking shape. and then, once you can see where your heart's-desire milestones are, you'll have a clearer idea of what can't fire until you set it up first. two other neat things can happen here. you could find the rhythm of your pacing, or realize you have a lot more plot meat than you thought you did. even if you don't, you have some road. and if you can't think of the string, sometimes you just have to start writing the pearls and see what comes to you.

good luck!!