#it reminds me of my cat actually who attacks sometimes for no reason no warning bite bite

[cogbreath]

its kind of funny in hindsight that i was more or less a hostile entity for most of my childhood & only finally understood to not attack people for no reason only when i was 13

[spencersawkward]

*house call // wes (Dollface)*

ssummary: when her pet cat gives her a scare, Reader decides to call the vet to make sure everything is going to be okay. 

pairing: Fem!Reader x Wes

word count: 5.4k

content warnings: discussion of cannabis/cannabis consumption, unprotected penetrative sex, use of nicknames (baby, sweetheart), SoftDom!Wes, breeding kink, creampie. 

request: can you do a wes smutty one shot if you’re down?! 

A/N: to be fair, i haven’t watched Dollface in a minute, but i’m obsessed with the domestic vibes that Matthew gives off when he plays Wes and i just thought it would be super cute. anyway, this was super fun also i wanna fuck Wes. ok enjoy!

masterlist

the absolute best part of your day is when the package arrives at your doorstep. you impulse-purchased it about two weeks ago while you were hanging out with one of your close friends, and you've been looking forward to trying it every day since. 

or, really, for your cat to try it. 

you've read reviews and been extremely diligent to make sure the stuff is completely safe, and everything you've seen or read was singing the praises of this cat weed (which isn't actually cannabis at all, but catnip made to look like it).

as you take the cardboard box to the kitchen table and pry open the top with the help of a Swiss army knife, you're grinning. Klimt comes scampering into the room to see what all the fuss is about, sitting at your feet with his tail curled around his legs. 

"no peeking." you scold him gently. your kitten, the friendliest little rescue tabby around, simply stares blankly back. when you remove the wrapping from the glass jar and stare at it up close, you're impressed by how realistic it looks. the label shows cat-friendly ingredients only, but you unscrew the top and get a whiff of catnip. 

Klimt begins to weave in between your legs, nudging them affectionately and beginning to purr. you giggle and bend down to give him a few pets. his nose twitches; he tries to sniff at the foreign object, but you put it back on the table. 

"don't be greedy, babe." you scratch between his pointed ears and he lets out a whiny meow. 

it's about his dinner time, and you were hoping to give him his treat tonight after he finishes his dry food. so you make yourself something simple with the leftovers in your fridge and do some more work on your laptop while you two eat together. 

you've had Klimt for a while, now. you call him a kitten even though he's a full-grown cat-- he's just as playful and enthusiastic as any newborn. his eyes are the color of meadow grass, and his nose is scattered with tiny freckles. it makes him look like he's just come from digging around the backyard, but it really just adds to his charm. 

not to mention his ceaselessly social tendencies: Klimt is always around when your friends come over, worming his way in between you or sitting on one of the free chair cushions to listen. you wonder if he knows what you're saying sometimes, because when you talk about the embarrassing things you've done that day or the failed interactions you've had, he always lifts his head to give you something of a judgmental stare. 

once you've settled down for the evening and turned on the TV, you decide that now is the time. Klimt is aimlessly poking at a few of his toys. he bats at a fake mouse between his paws.

"kitten," you click your tongue and get up to grab the jar. "are you ready to try this stuff?" 

as if he's going to answer. he hears your footsteps coming back his way and watches patiently. it's only when you pour out a little bit in front of him that he gets curious about the stuff. you admire his movements as he bends down and examines. 

although you keep an eye on him while watching your show, you don't notice much of a change in him. he starts to roll about on the floor, which is to be expected, but it's only when he starts to chase around his fake mouse that things get interesting. 

you laugh as Klimt goes nuts, jumping back and attacking the thing like he's ready to come in for the kill. it's really funny, but you're interrupted by your phone buzzing. you told your friend that you were doing this tonight. 

"hi!" you answer the FaceTime call right away. 

"how is he?" you can hear the smile in Andi's voice as you turn the camera. 

"he's loving it." 

"oh my god," she laughs. Klimt arches his back, leaping so highly in the air, you raise your eyebrows. "I wonder how long it'll last." she muses. 

"I'm guessing we'll get about an hour more of this before he passes out for the next two days." you joke. he gets strong bursts of energy usually, but they only last so long until he's curled up on the window sill or in your bed. 

Andi and you talk for a while as Klimt tires himself out and plays with all of his favorite toys. you dangle a string in front of him for a decent amount of time, too, just to make him get up on his hindquarters. he's a natural entertainer, a lithe little thing who lets out a few irritated meows to demonstrate his impertinence. 

after about forty-five minutes, however, you notice your cat's behavior change. he keeps raising his hackles and rolling about, and something about it makes you nervous. he doesn't usually act like this, not even when he plays with the other catnip toys he's accumulated. 

"what's wrong?" Andi notes your furrowed brow as you look past the camera of your phone and at your pet. 

"he's just acting really weird," you pat the couch cushion to call him over, but he doesn't even glance up. "I don't know why." 

"maybe it's the cat weed." she suggests. you purse your lips and try to think. 

"yeah, but nobody in the reviews ever mentioned anything like this."

"I'm sure he's fine, Y/N."  

"yeah, I know..." but you're worried. Klimt is your pal, your cuddle buddy. as he rubs his cheek against the wooden floor, you feel guilt pool in your stomach. if he's hurt because of some dumb online purchase, you're never going to forgive yourself. "I'm gonna call the vet just to be sure."  

"oh, okay," she sounds surprised, but doesn't try to stop you. "let me know what they say." 

"I will." you hang up the phone and stare at your companion for a few seconds. he leaps into the air and does a somersault before letting out some deeply disturbing whine that reminds you to call the vet. better safe than sorry.  

...

when the doorbell rings, you're practically twiddling your thumbs anxiously. Klimt hasn't settled at all, and you haven't even bothered to change out of your lounging ensemble. you're pretty sure you look a mess, but hopefully the person won't care too much. 

you don't know who to expect-- your usual vet is an older woman who is friends with your mom, but her receptionist said she was out tonight and would send over another vet to check it out. 

when you swing open the door, you immediately regret the decision to stay in sweatpants. 

"hi, I'm Wes." the guy gives you a friendly smile and holds up his bag. it's almost comically old-fashioned, something out of an old movie, and you half-expect him to be wearing a stethoscope around his neck. 

he's gorgeous, though. definitely a good amount older than you, tall with brown curls and stubble. his features stand out to you even under the porch light, and your mouth guppies idiotically. 

"hi," you manage. his eyes flicker to your hand, which is seemingly blocking him from coming inside the house, and you jolt back a little to let him in. you clear your throat. "sorry." 

as he steps inside and you close the door behind him, getting one tiny moment to yourself, your eyes widen. way to make yourself look like a bumbling fool. 

"I heard that there's a tabby who got into some catnip?" you catch him looking around the front of your house, eyes catching on the framed photos before finding yours again. you can feel the heat creeping up your cheeks, but nod confidently.  

"yeah, Klimt. he should still be in the living room." 

"Klimt? like the artist?" he chuckles and follows you into the rest of the home. his voice has a nice timbre to it, something low and gentle that fits well with his occupation.  

"yeah, exactly." you turn to smile at him. 

you hear the cat before you see him. he's climbed to the top of his cat tree and leaps down onto the ground, paws hitting the surface in a way that can't have been comfortable. he chirps and looks up at Wes, whose lips are turned up with amusement.    

"are you the man of the hour?" he asks, approaching the cat. Klimt's pupils get enormous and he prepares to pounce on the newcomer. 

"careful--" you start to warn him, but the cat launches himself right into Wes' arms. the vet turns to you, holding him to his chest, and grins. warmth spreads over your skin with embarrassment. "sorry." 

"no need to apologize," he starts to pet Klimt, who is only slightly struggling to escape. he wants to go wild again, but Wes isn't going to let go. "they call me the Cat Wrangler at the office." 

"really?" you snort. he brings your pet over to the couch and sets him on the cushions, careful to keep him in place. 

"no way." he shoots you a dazzling smile. the joke makes you giggle, and you feel yourself become even more self-conscious about the outfit you're wearing. this is just your luck, having hot guys come over when you distinctly look your worst. 

Wes scratches between Klimt's ears and glances up at you again. "is there any reason in particular you're worried about the catnip?" 

"yeah, actually," you nod, brought back to reality. "I know it's supposed to make them more playful, but he's just been acting weird and I got worried that there was something in it that messed with his head." 

"can I see the container for it?" he asks. you go to grab the jar, only to remember that it proudly announces itself as cannabis for cats. profound embarrassment causes you to hesitate with the stuff in your hands. 

it's not like he's here for you to flirt with, but you're still thinking about how stupid and young you're going to look with this stuff in front of him, a hot older guy who seems to have his life under control. you peek at him once more from the kitchen, at the way he smiles and starts to talk softly to Klimt as if he were a peer. 

he's kinda crazy, and it makes you smile. 

"it's cat weed." you hand him the glass container, and Wes breaks into a grin as he looks at the front. 

"oh my gosh, I've heard about this!" his eyes move quickly over the label. you're in shock. 

"really?"

"yeah, it's hilarious. here, can you make sure our friend here doesn't move while I read the ingredients?" he gestures. the knot of anxiety within you loosens a bit. you nod obediently, going to scoop up your pet and sit him on your lap. he's still squirmy, but he doesn't look ready to attack either of you, thankfully. 

"hey, you." you greet your pal affectionately. his tail is wagging impatiently while Wes kneels on the ground beside the couch. there's a silver ring on his finger, but you notice with relief that it's not on his fourth one. 

when he sets the jar down on the coffee table with the kind of smile that hints at some secret amusement, you frown. "what?"

"nothing," he shakes his head. "Klimt is gonna be totally fine."

"are you sure?" you pet the feline's smooth coat. 

"definitely. you know how drugs affect people differently?" he asks. you want to say no, you don't know that because why would you, but then you remember that there is quite literally a glass-blown bowl sitting on your kitchen table. 

"sure." you reply honestly. 

"it's the same with cats: some just feel the effects a little more." he shrugs. you think this over for a second. 

"that makes sense." 

"yeah, I'd estimate about an hour more of this wildcat behavior before he takes a ten-hour nap." he cracks another joke and you find yourself totally charmed by him. something about the way he talks just makes your heart beat like crazy.  

"that's a relief." 

he chuckles and stands up, grabbing the bag (which he never even had to use) and starting to walk out of the living room. you can smell his delicious cologne as he moves past you.  

"sorry for making you come out here so late." you apologize from the couch. Wes turns to look at you with an easygoing expression. his free hand is tucked into his pocket.  

"no worries. you have a lovely home." he gestures to the kitchen, and then at the bowl sitting there in the open. you have to fight the smile on your face.  

"thanks." you're smirking. right before he's about to head back out, you ask a question that's been wriggling around in your mind since he arrived. "why no title?" 

"you mean, like, Doctor or something?" he stops in the threshold. one hand leans against it while he answers your question. you still can't get over how tall he is. 

"sure. I mean, you are a doctor, right?" it comes out more dubious than you intended, but he doesn't get offended, only smiles. 

"yes, I'm a doctor. I went to Davis." he points like the school is right outside your door. you nod.  

"cool." 

there's a silence where you just look at each other, and you forget that you look like you just rolled out of bed. he clears his throat. 

"to answer your question, I just go by Wes because you're not my patient-- Klimt is." he points to the kitten, who is now chasing his own tail like a dog. you snort at the sight. 

"how humble of you." 

"I know, right?" he's joking. you find yourself not wanting him to leave, even though you've really just met. he's so sweet and funny and handsome... your stomach is flipping over and over like a schoolgirl. 

and it's stupid that you can't think of one plausible reason for him to stay, but every step he takes shortens your time to think. so you just blurt, instead. 

"would you want a beer?" 

Wes pauses and looks at you, an unreadable expression on his face. "a beer?" 

"yeah, I mean... you came all the way out here and I just feel bad for causing a fuss over nothing." you scramble slightly to justify your words. you don't ever drink beer-- do you even have any? god, this is embarrassing.  

the vet checks the watch on his wrist, then smiles at you with a halting kind of enjoyment, before nodding. "sure." 

"okay, great." you turn on your heel to hide the grin on your face. he follows you again to the kitchen area and leans against the counter while you open the fridge. the best form of flirting you can manage right now is bending over shamelessly and taking your time to poke around. 

thankfully, there are three cold bottles left towards the back. you take out two and use the tool in one of your drawers to pop the tops off. he watches patiently, takes a sip when you hand the drink to him. your eyes meet. 

"so, what prompted the cat weed purchase?" he starts the conversation effortlessly, and you try to keep your eyes from wandering over the shape of him. now that he's just standing in front of you, you're noticing the way his sweater sits against his frame, his long legs and the way his head rests on an elegantly-proportioned neck. 

"I just saw it and thought it would be fun." you shrug honestly. he smiles.  

"do you think you're gonna let him try it again another time?"  

"I don't know," you cross your arms over your chest. "I'm a little nervous, but he also was having a lot of fun until I made him sit still." 

"fair enough." you both turn your gazes to the cat. he's nudging a little toy ball with his nose and watching it roll across the floor. there are tiny bells inside that jingle. Wes turns back to you. "what do you do?"

"graphic designer." 

"an artist." he raises his brows, impressed. 

"not exactly saving animal lives, but I get by." you take another sip of your drink. 

"it's not like that, mostly." he rolls his eyes playfully. 

"then what's it like?"

"I just see and talk to people's pets all day. it's a pretty great job, even when it's not. you know?" he's optimistic about it. you're drawn to his positive energy, to the way he smiles when he speaks like he's preparing to deliver a witty joke. 

 you're hopelessly attracted to him, and the space between you is becoming unbearable. even though he's a guy you just met, you can feel in your gut that something about this is just right. you want his body against yours. 

 "you okay?" he breaks what you only now realize is a silence, and you blink to clear the dirty images from your mind. 

"yeah." only thinking about you fucking me against a countertop. it must be the fact that you haven't gotten laid in a while or something, because you usually aren't this attracted to people within the first hour. it takes longer for you to even want to kiss them.  

"what kind of stuff do you design?" he seems genuinely interested as he shifts and continues to nurse his drink.  

"I work for a tech startup downtown, so it's a lot of website work to make sure it's navigable and pretty." you try to sum up your duties, but it's hard when his hazel eyes are so intent. he listens to every word.  

"do you do personal work, too? like, just for you?" 

"actually, yeah!" this sparks your excitement. 

"can I see?" his smile widens. "only if you're comfortable, of course."  

"sure." you're beaming.  

he stays put as you start to go out of the kitchen, but then you smile. "you can come with." 

"oh." he sets his beer down on the counter and follows you, slightly surprised. but you don't care; you were nervous before, but he's stayed for this long. maybe he wants you, too. 

once you get to your bedroom, you're grateful that it's been freshly cleaned. there's even a bouquet from the flower's market sitting on your dresser, and you head over to the desk to sift through the drawers for what you want. 

"cool room." he compliments from the threshold. he's careful not to make you uncomfortable, but also can't resist the curiosity that draws his gaze from wall to wall. you find the stack of papers and smile. 

"thanks," you place the folder in his hands. "these are some printed versions of stuff I did last year." 

Wes immediately begins to flip through the art. him seeing your stuff makes you nervous, so you pretend to focus on straightening up the few items that sit on your desk. you wipe your fingertip over a nonexistent film of dust. 

"these are amazing," he says, holding a card stock copy in between his index and middle fingers. "holy shit."

"thank you." you're trying to keep from smiling too hard. you can tell that he's being genuine with his compliments, and it makes your heart swell. 

"definitely. are you showing anywhere?" 

"at an exhibit downtown a couple months back, but I've been so busy with work that personal stuff hasn't really been on the table, you know?"

he nods in understanding and continues to go through until the end. when he's finished, he looks up and sees you, his eyes concentrated. he doesn't speak at first, and an undercurrent ripples across the room. there are about three feet between you, and you have no excuse to lessen it. 

he licks his lips slowly. you purse yours, unsure of what to say. 

"I'm glad you called tonight." his voice is lower, slightly uncertain, like he's testing the boundaries. except you don't want boundaries right now. you want to go wild on him. 

"me, too." you reply. it's in your eyes, that begging for him to do what you're scared to initiate. 

your tongue is pressed to the back of your teeth in anticipation. and when he sets the art back on your desk and comes closer, you feel yourself give in. bubbles of excitement travel up your body as he grabs your face and bends down to kiss you. 

it's full, passionate, not the kind of kiss you give someone you've just met. laced with desire and longing, you respond immediately. hands immediately run to his forearms, over his shoulders as he imposes beautifully on your form. it's so hard, you lean back slightly. your torso presses against his until he pushes you against the wall. 

the slight gasp that escapes your lips causes him to smile, followed by your moan and clutching fingers. the material of his sweater, the taste of him mingled with that sophisticated, gentle smell of cologne that you want printed all over your skin. 

"come here." he murmurs against your mouth and reaches down to the back of your thigh so you can hook your leg around his waist. you whine at the easy access he has to grind against your core, both of you desperate. 

"Wes." you pant into his open mouth. he sucks on your bottom lip before finding your cheek and jaw. his fingertips tighten around your flesh. 

"this feel good, sweetheart?" he checks in. coincidentally, his jeans grind against your panties at exactly the right spot and your hips jump. you release a pleasured yelp. 

"mhmm." 

"sounds like it." he latches onto your throat with a possessive excitement. you can feel him sucking and biting at the skin until you're positive there'll be marks tomorrow. you hope there are; purpled evidence of his touch. he digs his nails into your thighs. "you like it when older men touch you, baby?" 

he blows over your tender throat before attacking it again. you sigh contentedly at the way he mingles sensations for your pleasure. "yes." 

he grunts and nips at your collarbone, sliding the strap of your top down your shoulder so that he can effortlessly flutter his lips over the skin. you grip at him and toss your head back against the wall. his weight on yours is divine. it makes you weak, but that doesn't matter. he's practically holding you up at this point. 

when his hand pushes under the hem of your shirt and dances over your stomach, you arch your back for more. he's gentle yet firm, pulling you close like he wants to breathe your oxygen. he's tracing over your ribcage, all the way up to the valley of your breasts, before cupping one and moaning into your shoulder. 

he kisses you again with an aching hunger that can't be satiated. your tongues meet and Wes finds your hardened nipples beneath the thin fabric of your bralette. you sigh while he starts to circle one with his thumb.  

"you're perfect." he breathes. 

you want to bask in this moment, to enjoy the shock across your skin when he reaches his hand back down between your bodies to dip below the waistband of your sweatpants, but you're just so greedy. he could make you cum over and over and it would never be enough. 

"what do you want me to do to you?" Wes is hovering over your lower stomach, dangerously close to where you need him most. he's teasing. the warmth of his skin drives you mad. his breath brushes over the shell of your ear. 

"fuck me." it's the only response you can fathom. every other instinct in your body flies out the window and is replaced by a craving to sink your proverbial (and literal) teeth into him.

but he loves it, apparently, because he pushes you back against the wall with a nearly bruising force. "I can do that." 

with those words, he quickly grabs your other leg and lifts you into his arms, bringing you to the bed and laying you delicately on the mattress while you giggle. you stare up at him with an almost daydreamy lust. his cheeks are flushed. 

you only get a second of that heavenly sight, though, before he dips down and pushes your shirt up to see your tits and kiss up the chasm between your ribs. his stubble tickles your skin, which causes you to smile. 

by the time he's pulled your sweatpants off and tossed them to the side, you're whining for him to strip down as well. 

"what is it, pretty girl?" he murmurs against your tummy. when you try to squeeze your thighs, he pushes them apart. 

"I wanna see you." your fingertips touch at his sweater. he chuckles and pulls the garment over his head. it messes up his perfect hair even more and you love it, tangling your fingers in it. he bites his lip. 

"do you want me to taste you first?" he keeps stroking the inside of your thighs and staring down at the skimpy lace that you're positive that you've already soaked. you're making him crazy with the way you roll your hips against air, against nothing, seeking any kind of stimulation. 

"I can't wait." you shake your head. as nice as it would be, you're going to implode if he doesn't fill you up soon. he drags his fingers down your clothed slit and groans when he feels just how ready you are for him. 

"let's take these off then, okay, sweetheart?" he hooks his fingers in the panties and waits for you to nod before tugging them down your legs. you whimper at the cool air that hits your core, soaked and needy. Wes stares at your body on display for him. 

as he gets back up from the floor to kiss you again, you both work to remove the rest of his clothes. his skin is perfect under your hands. his chest is warm, solid, and when he climbs on top of you, his arms rest on either side of your head.

one hand comes down to grab his own cock and stroke it a few times before lowering himself to rub it against your throbbing clit. you whimper at the pressure; he's mindless when he feels how easily you cover him in your essence. 

"so fucking wet..." he groans while rutting against you. 

"Wes, please--" your breath hitches. "put it in." 

"begging?" he teases your entrance with the head and smirks. "good girl." 

"mhmm." you're smiling, but your mouth drops open when he pushes himself inside. 

it's a heavy feeling, him filling you up. he's thick and the stretching of your walls makes him groan and rest his head on your shoulder. he kisses the skin there while diving deeper into your body. 

you're shaking slightly from the mixture of pain and pleasure, his size forcing your body to work quickly to accommodate. your eyes are squeezed shut, but you run your hands over his back and shoulders to stay grounded. it feels like a dream. 

he starts to pull out, coated in your wetness while you whimper below him, and he grabs your face with one hand in a dominant, soft gesture. "okay?"

"yeah." 

he pushes back in. the air in your lungs is practically gone at this point, he's so deep inside. your eyes roll back and push your hips up to take him at a new angle. Wes finds his pace easily, rocking into your body at a manageable pace to let you get used to the sensation. 

every time his hips roll down and he buries himself in you, he presses on your clit and sends a new shock through your body. he leans on his elbows to get closer and feel every undulation of your body. you love how his thrusts force your legs apart, how he moans your name and causes the headboard to repeatedly hit the wall while maintaining eye contact. hazel irises that rake over your features with lust. 

"you feel so good." he speeds up a little when he hits a certain spot. you can feel him deep and hard, causing a small bump to rise in your stomach with each stroke. his voice is husky and dark. like a man starved. 

"fuck..." you drag your nails down his back. he groans at the red marks that you will no doubt leave for him. 

"clingy thing, huh?" he sucks at your throat affectionately. "I come over for one thing and you can't help yourself." 

hearing Wes speak through his own panting is like listening to a secret, and you never want it to stop. he's reveling in the sordid crush of his own wants, and the way he shoves into you shows you that he has no intention of slowing down for a while. 

"I'm impatient." you smirk. he pulls away to admire your expression. 

"so am I." he kisses your lips and starts to pound into you. the juxtaposition of his tenderness and the sharp snap of his hips to yours fills you with butterflies. you love how much he wants to ruin you. 

"Wes-- oh my god!" you whimper. he grabs your hips and yanks them closer to him so he can go as deep as possible, so he can hit your cervix. 

"that's right, sweetheart," he pants. you can tell that he's starting to lose control. "say my name. I want everyone to know what a good little slut you are for me." 

the commanding tone makes your body shake. "I- I'm cumming, Wes, please--"

"please what, baby?" he taunts. his index finger is tracing over your jaw. 

you don't know what it is that you're wanting, except more. as your form shudders and tightens, walls fluttering around his cock, you lose the capacity to speak. you grind your hips against him and cry out pathetically while he pushes you back down and slams ruthlessly into your pussy. 

"cum inside-- please, I need it--" you writhe. he groans at the request. 

"fuck, yes..." he sheathes himself. "take it."

you gasp as he repeatedly hits your weakest point and spills hot ropes of his cum inside you, still thrusting in and out and whimpering into your shoulder at the clenching sensation you give his cock. it's warm, strangely delightful, nearly sending you into another orgasm sheerly from the sight. 

he mutters unintelligibly as he empties himself in your pussy, but you catch a growled "so needy," between deep moans. you're clinging to him like you'll never have it again. you might not. 

he slows down, giving shallower thrusts while riding out his high and shoving his cum deeper inside. it turns lazy and messy, both of you panting, before he finally pulls out and rolls over next to you. 

you press the back of your hand to your forehead. it's sweaty from all the work he just put you through, but you feel amazing at the same time. your eyes keep flickering from the ceiling above to his rising and falling chest beside you. his nose twitches; he turns his head to look at your face. 

although you expect him to say something, he doesn't. instead, you just stare at each other. the air conditioner rattles gently in the background. you're not sure how long this lasts, this soaking in, but he's the first to break it. 

"hey." 

you find the corners of your lips turning up. "hi." 

"do you mind if I go get something to clean you up?" he asks softly, his fingertips finding your forearm with ease and drifting over it.

"sure. bathroom is the first door on the left." 

he gets up and you watch him gather his clothes, eyes glued to his perfect form. you can't believe you just had sex with your veterinarian. you don't regret it at all. 

he wanders out of the room and your eyes follow, only to see Klimt sitting patiently by the door. 

"what are you doing, perv?" you tease as he comes over and leaps up onto the bed. his kitten paws pad over the blankets and settle into the crook of your arm. you smile to yourself, recalling how sweet the vet was with him. "hey, Wes?" you call out. 

"yeah?" he comes back into the room with a warm washcloth and a small smile on his face. 

"would you wanna get coffee or something sometime?" you bite your lip. maybe he doesn't want to go on a date, but it's worth a shot.

"sure." he breaks into a grin that makes you giddy. thank god, because you really were hoping to see him again. 

you can't wait.  

taglist (lmk about adding/removal or add yourself to the list here!): @jareids @reidsconverse @xoxomgg @may-b-a-u-shewritestoo @la-vie-en-amour1 @g0lden-cth @treat-winchesterswith-kindness @kisseslikecoffee @spenxerslut @slutforthegubes @spookydrreid @depressedgothgrl @flipper-kisses @multixfandomwriter​ @willowrose99​ @gingeraleluke​ @chasemoonlight​ @spencerreid9​ 

[grimseywrites]

Obey Me Preferences #15 - Surprisingly Strong MC

Lucifer He never thought you would be this strong, not looking at you. And yet here he is, in your arms, completely confused and frozen. It’s not until you put him down that he gets mad about it, going into his demon form to threaten your life should you ever dare to pick him up again. He puffs up his feathers to make himself seem bigger and more intimidating, meanwhile Belphie and Satan are laughing their asses off in the other side of the house at the picture they took. Lucifer wouldn’t kill you, and would begin to appreciate your help with physically managing his brothers, but he would hate even the idea that you can pick him up. The only time you can get away with this is when he’s so sleep-deprived he barely knows what is going on beyond the stacks of paper on his desk, and only then can you gently pick him up in a princess carry and take him to bed.

Mammon No, don’t start this with him. I’m telling you, do not. He will constantly ask for piggybacks, and I mean constantly. He’ll ask for a piggyback from the common room to the front door, from the table in the coffee shop to the counter, from one chair to another. Any excuse he can find he uses because he loves holding on tight to you, burying his head in your neck, knowing every second you carry him is another second his scent is transferring to you and vice versa. Also, he is just lazy, but he does genuinely love it for the other reasons first, and he definitely uses it to show off to his brothers. He will try and make comments, sometimes dirty, mostly just being superior, but it’s easily taken care of if you tell him you’ll refuse to give him piggybacks.

Leviathan Do you want to kill him? Like do you actually want him to have a heart attack when you pick him up? Once you try, he’s just frozen, but not like Lucifer, more like a dead rabbit. His entire body is locked in place, you could probably balance him on one hand. Inside his mind is a rambling mess of thoughts about how you’re amazing and strong and he’s a worthless otaku. It takes hours to calm him down, but after that he kinda gets used to you picking him up when you feel like it (of course his jealousy over Mammon and Asmo has nothing to do with it). He does ask for a warning though, and you mostly oblige. One time you forget to warn him and pick him up from behind, and the surprise means his Grand Admiral skills come back. He quickly subdued you, thankfully realising it was you and not a demon naval officer, but it was a side of Levi you’d never seen before.

Satan He's nonchalant about it. If you really want to, you can pick him up, but why bother? He’s capable of walking, and has no particular fondness or distaste for it so his reaction is just mild surprise and that’s it. However he does appreciate your strength because to him, it means you can help him carry large stacks of books home from the bookshop, or he can foist his stacks onto yours when he sees a cat and not worry that it’s too heavy. Yes, you become a packhorse for this man. But he always thanks you with some quality time reading together.

Asmodeus Are you kidding? Asmo is LIVING for this. Likes to go to the gym with you and watch as you lift weights, and much like Mammon will try anything for you to carry him. Constantly flirts, obvs, look who we’re talking about, and he likes to wear long gowns to convince you to carry him so the hem doesn’t get dirty. When he’s not in your arms, he’s ogling them, but if you ask him to stop then he will (reluctantly ofc, but he’s a demon who respects consent). He is very dramatic about asking you to carry him, mostly so you know the ‘reason’ is just an excuse. “Oh MC! I’ve hurt my ankle! How am I supposed to go to RAD and bless everyone with my beauty? If only there was a strong human around who could carry me the rest of the way!” Meanwhile his ankle is completely fine as he skips over to drape himself on you. After you show him Dirty Dancing he is constantly launching himself at you to recreate that lift. Good luck.

Beelzebub Much like Satan, isn’t bothered by it. Being carried just isn’t necessary, but if it makes you happy, he’ll let you. You cannot do a fireman carry, Beel is WAY too tall for it, but a princess carry is just fine. Once he sees you carrying a bunch of books for Satan, he asks if you’ll help him carry his snacks, and who can say no to him? He realises that you can carry Belphie too, and often asks you to carry Belphie back to their room if you see him sleeping somewhere he shouldn’t.

Belphegor Another one who loves it. The second you pick him up he falls asleep against your chest, a vice-like grip stopping you from separating the two of you. Will ask you to carry him everywhere also, but unlike Mammon and Asmo, it’s just so he can sleep longer. Belphie is impervious to your grumbles, but now you have to mediate between three demon brothers about who you carry to/from RAD. Belphie nearly always loses, just because he’s always half asleep, until he found out that if you pick him up to get him out of bed, he can simply refuse to let go and you end up taking him to RAD. Mammon got so jealous of this, he then latched onto your back, so good luck figuring that out.

Diavolo He delights in it. Dia thinks it is the most wonderful thing in the world. Doesn’t want to abuse it, but seriously, pick him up. He giggles and grins and it’s like when a big dog is cuddling in your lap like a puppy. He may occasionally ask for piggybacks, which probably make him look like he’s on a step-stool (I don’t care how tall you are, this is a GIANT) and Lucifer is always appalled at the sight. It’s common when you greet each other to hug, and then you lift him up just to remind him you can. Seriously, Diavolo adores it very time.

[scones-and-texting-and-murder]

Bookends

(This story was originally written for and published in the DeanCas Anthology back in 2018. )

Word Count: 2223 Rating: General ao3 link

Cas pulls as close to the door as he can, checking the rearview mirror to make sure he isn’t blocking traffic as he waits for Dean to get out of the car. Before heading inside, Dean ducks his head back in to smile at him. “I’ll get us some coffee.”

Instead of driving away, Cas stays there, watching until Dean pulls open the diner door. Leaning heavily on his cane, he shuffles more than walks, his bow-legged gait made stiff by the arthritis that wracks his joints. Cas waits until he’s safely inside, then pulls past the open handicapped space Dean stubbornly refuses to use, and finds an empty parking spot.

Cas’s car is boxy and utilitarian, and Dean often proclaims that he wouldn’t be caught dead behind the wheel of something so ugly. Cas plays along because giving up driving had been Dean’s toughest concession to age, but as his vision deteriorated and his reflexes slowed, it had become an unavoidable sacrifice. With replacement parts for the Impala harder and harder to come by, Dean had finally agreed to keep her stored safely away in their garage. Cas knew it pained him to see her shrouded under a tarp, her motor idle and useless, but Dean would rather enshrine her in pristine condition than risk one more run-in with a light pole or curb.

With his ugly car parked, Cas crosses the lot to join Dean inside. While he’s aged as well, aged to the point that nobody questions the two of them together, he’s been spared many of the maladies that Dean’s combat-wrecked body has endured, and he moves with relative ease. The best they can figure is that the grace he’d had on and off over the years left his body with a certain resilience to the passage of time. Cas can’t cure Dean as he once could, can’t ease the aches or slow the aging process, but he can use his own comparatively good health and mobility to take care of him.

Inside, Cas navigates past the hostess stand to find Dean at their usual booth, chatting with their usual waitress. The two of them go to this diner religiously each Sunday morning, where the pews are scuffed burgundy vinyl booths and the altar is the breakfast buffet with the generous senior discount. As always, Dean has maneuvered himself across the bench seat to make room for Cas to sit beside him. His cane rests against the wall in easy reach, the simple carved wooden handle belying the fact that the base unscrews to reveal a bayonet-like tip. It’s never been wielded as a weapon (although Dean uses it, still sheathed, to poke at aggressive pigeons who muscle in around their favorite park bench), but that potential made it “badass” enough to overcome Dean’s resistance to using it.

To Sam’s everlasting chagrin, Dean has kept all of his hair, and it’s turned a stunning silver. The crinkles around his eyes have deepened, meeting the roadmap of lines that cross his face. His shoulders are stooped, his joints are stiff, and Cas thinks he’s never been more beautiful. After so many seemingly certain ends, so many years assuming Dean would die young and bloodied, the fact that he’s living out a full, lengthy life is an unparallelled blessing. Cas marvels at the gift of days that have unfolded into decades, granting them time he never dreamed they’d have together here on earth.

As Cas settles into the booth, he smiles and greets their waitress.

“Two for the buffet?” she confirms as she pours their coffee. Cas doesn’t even have to check to know that she’ll leave Dean’s at a little more than half-full so he can lift it without the tremor in his hands sloshing it over the brim.

They drink their coffee quietly, simply enjoying the ritual of being here. Dean peers at the laminated card that lists the specials, even though he never orders off the menu.

“Shall I?” When Dean nods, Cas gets to his feet. “Any requests?”

“You know what I like,” Dean says, leaning over to swat at Cas’s butt.

Picking up two plates from the warmer, Cas slides them along the metal counter, filling them in tandem as he traverses the buffet. Pancakes are too difficult for Dean to get on a fork, but the crisp waffles are good. Bacon he can pick up and eat, and Cas uses the tongs to place precisely two strips on his plate. If Dean wants more, he can get up and get it himself.

Dean can argue with Cas’s choices, but they’d had a hell of a scare a few years back. Cas will never forget the look on Dean’s face when their phone rang in the middle of the night, alerting them that Sam had been taken to the hospital in an ambulance. They’d rushed there themselves, Cas driving in silence, knowing that nothing short of seeing Sam with his own two eyes could reassure Dean. Thankfully, it had been a mild heart attack and, after spending a few days in the hospital, the discharge plan called for cardiac rehab and an appointment with a nutritionist. With Sam’s release imminent, Dean had relaxed enough to crow at the irony. “Don’t either of you try to tell me what to eat ever again. Mr. Organic Produce is the one lying in the hospital bed while my pork-rind-fueled ticker is going strong.”

Still pale, Sam’s brow furrowed with resignation. “I’m beginning to think you can’t die.”

Dean jabbed a finger in his direction. “You don’t get to go first. We have a deal.”

“Yes, sir.” Sam lifted the hand without the IV in a mock salute.

“That’s more like it,” Dean said. “Speaking of which, I need a snack.”

Cas helped him up and they walked to the elevator that would take them to the cafeteria. As they waited for it to arrive, Dean pulled Cas into a hug. Cas left a hand on his shoulder when they stepped apart again. “All right?”

Dean nodded, his green eyes shining with tears. “I’m glad you’re here.” Cas started to respond, to remind him that there was nowhere else he would be, but Dean cut him off. “I know you know. But I wanted to say it anyhow.”

Cas noticed a change after that. Dean was still the same stubborn mule Cas had fallen in love with, but he gradually became more willing to let Cas help. And somehow, Cas loved him even more for it. He loved seeing the slow-blossoming acceptance that came when Dean stopped seeing Cas’s help as a sign of weakness.

Now, standing in front of the steaming trays of food, Cas considers what else to add to their plates. He bypasses the cauldron of oatmeal (they eat that at home most mornings) and continues along the buffet. There’s a tremendous satisfaction in being allowed to care for this man who has done so much for so many and asked for so little in return. In fact, Dean has now embraced this new role so fully—no longer questioning what he deserves, or grudgingly accepting help, but full-on enjoyment of being doted on—that Cas has to be careful he doesn’t get lazy. There’s nothing Cas would rather do than settle Dean in front of a sunny window, snug in the recliner for Cas to wait on like a pampered cat, but he knows that sort of inactivity would do Dean’s joints and his heart no favors. So he watches Dean’s diet and insists on them taking slow walks after breakfast when his energy is highest.

Their neighborhood is a mix of young and old and everyone knows the two Mr. Winchesters who circle the block on days when the weather permits. The kids on bikes and scooters know to give them a wide berth, their parents warning them that the old men need the entire sidewalk, but they call out their hellos as they go by. They’re friendly with everyone except the woman who lives on the corner. Dean is convinced she’s a demon, but Cas suspects his distrust of her stems more from the fact that she seems immune to his charm. (Whatever the reason, he’s had to talk Dean out of chalking a devil’s trap inside her mailbox more than once.) They chat with their neighbors about the weather and the score of last night’s ballgame, and it’s so painfully normal that Cas sometimes feels his throat tighten up at the wonder of it all.

When Cas returns to their booth, Dean examines his plate. “They outta bacon?”

Cas cuts the waffle into manageable pieces and peels the wrapper from the muffin before sliding Dean’s plate over. “You know the deal.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean says. “You just like to look at my ass when I get up.”

They eat in congenial silence with Dean methodically working his way around his plate, eating everything heartily, even the fruit. Sitting next to him, Cas can easily scoop up any bites that miss his mouth, plucking them from Dean’s lap or his shirt.

“You two good?” The waitress asks when she comes to refill their coffees. “Need anything?”

Dean swallows the bite of muffin he’s working on, and rests his hand on top of Cas’s. “I’ve got everything I need right here. An actual angel, this one.”

She nods agreeably. “I can almost see his halo.”

Cas has learned that an old man can say just about anything and receive an indulgent smile in return. When Dean references angels or demons or the apocalypse, people assume he’s speaking in metaphor and they’ll nod pleasantly. Sometimes he’ll do it purely for effect, telling rambling tales from their past for the sheer enjoyment of being able to speak openly. He can’t always keep the details straight, but Cas is there to remind him. Some days, though, he seems to lose where he is in time, and there’s nothing Cas can do for that. Cas has taken to keeping a watchful eye on him in the late afternoons when he likes to doze on the couch with their one-eyed black cat curled up on his chest. Cas stays close in case he wakes from his nap agitated, calling for Cas, wanting to know where Sam is. Cas helps him to sit up as the cat springs down and scurries away.

“Don’t go,” he says again and again, and Cas takes him in his arms, assuring Dean that he’s here and reminding him that Sam is safe at his own home. He holds him until Dean shakily dismisses it all as just a bad dream.

The unfairness of it overwhelms Cas, and each time he’s left filled with wrath. These final years should be spent in well-earned peace, but instead Dean seems cursed with reliving his most frightening memories, traumatized anew by old, familiar fears. If Dean’s mind is destined to slip, why can’t it be toward blissful forgetting? What Dean has endured goes beyond what any human should; to ask him to bear it again is nothing short of cruel. But it’s a torture chamber created in his own mind, and all Cas can do is sit helplessly by, doing his best to ground Dean and bring him back to the present.

Cas looks at Dean’s empty plate. “Did you want to get some more?”

“Nah.” He’s full and happy and it’s time for their walk.

The waitress arrives to clear their plates. As he does every week, Dean asks if she needs to see his ID for the senior discount. As she does every week, she pretends to consider it before leaving the check. “You boys take your time.”

“Tip her well,” Dean says, leaning in to supervise Cas as he signs the bill.

“I always do,” Cas assures him.

When they’re ready to leave, Cas stands next to the banquette, waiting for Dean to retrieve his cane and slide himself to the edge. Using a combination of the cane and Cas’s extended arm, Dean hoists himself upright, groaning a little. Cas keeps a firm hold on him until he’s steady on his feet. Dean still dresses in layers, but these days it’s because he gets chilled easily. He favors heavy knit cardigans and as long as Cas gets the zipper started for him he can tug it up or down as needed. Cas checks him for crumbs then together they walk through the other tables crowded with families. They continue by the hostess station where a woman is wiping down menus. “See you next week,” she calls as they pass.

Cas steps forward to push open the door, and stands holding it. “Watch your step,” he says as he always does, pointing toward the raised metal threshold of the doorway.

Using his cane to steady himself, Dean shuffles his way over it, then stops to lay his hand on Cas’s cheek. His knuckles are gnarled, the skin of his palm is dry and warm, and Cas feels the same flare of awe go through him as he has since the moment he first found this glorious soul in the depths of hell.

“I am the luckiest man who has ever lived,” Dean says.

Cas kisses his palm, then takes his arm to help him on his way.

[tooruluv]

Kozume Kenma x F!Reader x Tetsurou Kuroo ( part 5 )

❝ i’m right here, when are you going to realize that i’m your cure, heartbreak girl? ❞

description: kozume kenma didn’t know the exact day in which he realized that he was in love with you. he knew very well that it was sometime after your first “hello”, but the exact moment got whisked away in the many memories that included you. the problem was, though, that you were in love with and in a serious relationship with the boy he claimed as a best friend.

genre: angst, pining, unrequited love, (characters are aged up as the story continues)

word count: 1.5k

warnings/notes: swearing, all of the characters are aged up in this one, everyone is staring university !! i am so sorry for the short part, i wanted to update this. it’s a filler chapter for next part (which is pretty long and i havent even written all of it yet)

prev | next

“ i fell in your arms tonight ”

┏━━━━━⋇⋆⋆⋇❦⋇⋆⋆⋇━━━━━┓

Kozume Kenma hadn’t seen nor heard from you in a while. 

After the beach house, it was graduation. And that was it. He had watched you from afar at Nekoma’s graduation, had adored you in that gorgeous dress that you wore for pictures. 

With the third years gone and both of you starting your last year of high school, neither of you had a reason to see each other. Kenma didn’t play his last year of volleyball, instead opted to watch from the stands and focus on starting to stream his gaming.

You were focusing on your finals and entrance exams, and on occasion visited Kuroo at his university. He was rooming with Bokuto, so it was a two in one deal when you went. They were happy to sneak you in to stay the night, too.

It was as if when Kuroo left, there was a wall built between your friendship.

Kenma’s online popularity grew quite rapidly. It was almost overwhelming how incredibly fast he had a following, how quickly people rushed to his streams and asked for his socials.

He didn’t mind. He liked to game; and honestly, a lot of their advice helped him beat levels. 

It wasn’t something that he wanted to have as a career, which is why he applied to university as a business major. As much as he loved gaming, it wasn’t the only thing he wanted to do with his life. He wanted to do more.

While streaming one day after school, one of his followers had asked him “Do you have a girlfriend?”

Kenma read the comment out loud, rolling his eyes, “I don’t think that matters.”

The mystery of his personal life made him gain even more popularity, it seemed.

You set the coffee down on the edge of the table, rolling your shoulders. 

You had been studying for hours when Keiji Akaashi arrived to sit in front of you. It was kind of random, your friendship with him. He was Bokuto’s best friend, and you were Bokuto’s best friend’s girlfriend. It was like having a cousin you kind of knew but not really.

Either way, Akaashi had become your saving grace since starting your final year. 

“We have a volleyball game tomorrow.” Akaashi said as he handed you a bagel. “You should come, support the team.”

You smiled. “Yeah, I would love to.” 

You found Koutarou Bokuto at the game, sporting old gear and his famous smile. It was incredibly different to find him in the stands instead of on the court.

“If it isn’t Bokuto himself.” You smiled as you stood next to him. He searched for only a second to find you, pushing you playfully with his hand. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked. “I thought you didn’t watch our games.”

“Akaashi invited me.” You offered him a sip of your concessions soda. He accepted.

“I’m excited to see Hinata.” He handed you your drink back, even though he drank most of it. “His quick attack has only improved.”

“You’re not wrong.” You chuckled. 

Bokuto put his arm around your shoulder and cheered as they announced the starting line up, happily exclaiming for his best friend. You cheered, too. 

“Hey, I’m sorry for telling Kuroo about Kenma.” He told you in a low voice. Despite the loud cheers, you heard him. 

“It’s fine.” You shrugged. “I shouldn’t have told you.”

“That’s hurtful.” He started to move his arm from your shoulders, but you put your hand on his to keep it in place. 

“I didn’t mean it like that and you know it.” You said. “I haven’t even talked to Kenma, and I haven’t had a fight with Kuroo since. I was just saying.. I shouldn’t have burdened you with that big of a secret.”

“I am an awful secret keeper.”

You laughed. “Yeah, you are.”

Kozume Kenma watched from a distance. He was wearing one of Hinata’s hoodies in an attempt to blend into the Karasuno side. 

Hinata had invited him to their game. He had no idea that he would find you in the crowd. You never went to your own games.

Kenma bit the inside of his mouth.

In all truth, you missed Kenma.

It didn’t matter how awkward it would be. It didn’t matter how much guilt you resided in your rejection. You missed him. You missed going to him for little things. You missed sitting on his beanbag and watching him play whatever game he was playing that day. You missed late night phone calls and facetimes. You missed meeting up at the asscrack of dawn to get ramen while the entire world was still asleep. You missed your head in his lap. You missed him.

You missed your best friend.

And, in truth, he missed you too.

He missed everything about you. He missed your smell, how sweet you always seemed to smell even in the early mornings. He missed how he didn’t mind your touch. He missed your smile. He even missed when you would complain about Kuroo to him. He missed you.

As his best friend’s girlfriend or not. In love with you or not. You were his best friend, and he missed you.

Kozume Kenma’s streams were the highlight of his day. Without Kuroo’s everyday nagging, he didn’t spend a lot of time talking to others. His social stats were at their lowest.

Streaming was his main form of communication. He loved talking to his followers and fans, thanking them for their subs and reading comments.

His username was “applepi”, which was what he always used for his user for everything. With that, his fans called him “pi”. It was ugly as shit but it was better than “cat boy” or some bullshit pet name.

They knew his actual name, too, and he told them that once he started university, he would also post a face reveal and start streaming with a facecam. It was a strategy and also a fun way to create some mystery as to who he was. 

hey pi, when do u start uni ?? someone had asked.

Kenma, who was playing and trying to read some of the flooding comments at the same time, replied, “When do I start university? In two weeks. I got accepted into my first choice, so that’s pretty exciting. I’m sure you all will be patiently waiting for my facecam.”

A new rush of comments rolled in, congratulating him on his acceptance and excitement for his face reveal. 

His mind was still on you at the volleyball game.

Turns out, you got accepted into the same university as Kenma.

You didn’t know it at the time, of course, because you had no idea which one he wanted to go to. But you did.

Kuroo, Bokuto, Kenma, and you would all be going to the same school. It was both exciting and nerve-wracking. You had to stop your hands from shaking as you packed your bags.

You were a bundle of nerves.

You wondered if that was what Kenma felt like before he told you that he loved you. If that was the same feeling.

As you packed, you found Kuroo’s old red hoodie that he told you to keep when he saved you from your parents at the beginning of your relationship.

It had been over a year since then, you reminded yourself.

Knocking interrupted Kozume Kenma, making him jump slightly in his chair. He hadn’t started his daily stream yet, he had only just started to set up, so he headed to the door.

Of all the things he was expecting, he was not expecting to see you standing on his doorstep. He was not expecting to find your eyes on his, rimmed in tears and redness, and he feared that he was imagining the sight in front of him.

“Hi.” He said against the silence. 

“Me and Kuroo broke up.” You said as a greeting. 

Kenma didn’t have a second thought before he stepped aside to let you in. He didn’t think before tweeting to his followers that he would not be streaming that day. He didn’t think before pulling you into his arms and allowing you to cry against his chest.

Because love does a lot of things, but it doesn’t go away with mere silence.

tag list: @elianetsantana @sazunari @jennasquishy8 @chao01248 @alysken @cinnamonruts @paradisebabey @kikikittykis @yatoatyourservice​

[multiplefandomsblog]

Gundham, Kazuichi, and Mikan with an Ultimate veterinarian S/O

warnings; light cussing, unedited, inaccurate depictons of what vets do, gender neutral pronouns for reader, gn!reader

Request; Hi there! Can I request gundham, kazuichi, and mikan with an Ultimate veterinarian S/O? Maybe they have wild animals by their side all the time :) thanks!

Gundham

◊ Gundham would trust you 100%

◊ He relies on you a bunch.

◊ Knowing that you are a veterinarian who loves animals, is all he needed to know to trust his life and the dark devas life with you.

◊ Gundham is pretty protective and careful with his devas, so if anytime the devas showed signs of a small sickness, he’d immediately go to you.

◊ He’d be so concerned for his devas so he would always go to you to see what’s wrong.

◊ Most of the time, the devas are fine and Gundham was just being a worried dad.

◊ But you’d be lying if you said you didn’t get a biiiiiiit happy every time he rushed into your clinic with a worried expression on his face.

◊ You assure him that his devas look fine, but he still insists you check them thoroughly.

◊ As usual, they are fine and he looks relieved.

◊ Though actually, one time he had faked his worry for the devas so he could have an excuse to see you.

◊ He was planning to ask you out while you examined his loyal companions.

◊ “So erm, how are my dark devas doing? Perfectly, I assume.” He spoke in his low tone of voice. “Well, Maga-G, Sun-D and Jum-P are doing fine. Except for Cham-P, he may be a tad dehydrated. If you monitor him carefully and make sure he drinks water, he’ll be good.” Gundham nodded with a nervous but confident grin, words not quite hitting his ears yet, “Indeed, so would you like to- Wait WHAT-?” Gundham paled, registering your words a bit too slow and freaking out.

◊ “Cham-P iS DYING?? WHAT WILL I- Oh goD-” Gundham hyperventilates, grabbing your hands unconsciously and squeezing them so tight it slightly hurt. 

◊ “Please, S/o, save his life!!”

◊ You looked at him with surprise, face heating up at the sudden touch.

◊ ”G-gundham, Cham-P isn’t dying, he just needs to drink more water.” You cut off.

◊ Gundham suddenly froze, face heating up from the realization of his hands in yours.

◊ “O-oh, I see my mistake.” You laughed at his reaction, relishing in the feeling of his hands still resting in yours.

◊ “So what did you want to ask me earlier?” Gundham’s eyes widened, “Oh uh- I was just wondering if... Yo-you’d help me nurse Cham-P back to health?” He chickened out at the last minute, mentally scolding himself for losing his confidence.

◊ Though you knew that wasn’t what he meant to say since you had told him about Cham-P after he had tried to ask you something, you still accepted happily.

◊ Your animals and his dark devas had a few debates as you and Gundham helped Cham-P drink from the water nozzle thingy.

◊ “Water is not wet.” Maga-G scoffed, examining his nails. “Okay but, water makes things wet, so how is it not wet?” Your bird argued, looking at Maga-G with disbelief. “I have to pee.” Jum-P blurted out, hopping back inside the cage to do his business. “Can I come!?” San-D followed suit, hopping into the cage as well.

◊ “What do you think they’re talking about?” You questioned, looking at the animals argue.

◊ “Obviously, they are discussing their plan to destroy the world. My dark devas have the intelligence of a god!” Gundham boasted, staring at the dark devas with pride.

◊ “-No, you’re wrong, I’m right, shut up.” Maga-G ended the argument unfairly, stomping his foot down(if you get the reference, ily).

Kazuichi

◊ Kazuichi would be scared when he first saw you walk by with your army of animals following you.

◊ “I-is that a tiger!?”

◊ He’d be kind of intimidated by you at first, not wanting to get on your bad side and have your animals maul him.

◊ Other than your army of animals catching his eye, he thought you were pretty cute.

◊ Though he was itching to ask you out, he was too scared to go within 5 meters distance near you.

◊ He’d kind of just, scream cheesy pick-up lines to you.

◊ “HEY S/O! ARE Y-” “What!?” “ARE YOU-” “Can you come closer!? I can’t hear you!” “HAHAHA, N-NEVERMIND IT’S NOTHING!”

◊ Eventually, Kazuichi warmed up to your animals(it’s kind of the opposite really-).

◊ Funny story how actually, Kazuichi was working on the underbelly of his machines, and he needed his wrench. Assuming Fuyuhiko was still there—Which he wasn’t—, he asked for a wrench.

◊ (un)Luckily for him, one of your dogs had been there, and it had picked up the wrench and brought it to Kazuichi’s outstretched hand. 

◊ “Thanks, Fuyu.” He accepted the wrench, expecting a grunt of ‘You’re welcome.’

◊ He, however, did not expect a very loud, “BORK!” in return.

◊ He screeched, wincing as he jolted up and hit his forehead on the hard metal underneath his machine.

◊ Not long after the bark echoed through the area, you had come running, your forehead creased from worry.

◊ “Oh, there you are!” You huffed out in relief as your eyes caught sight of the familiar coloured fur.

◊ You looked down at Kazuichi’s bottom half sticking out underneath from a machine, hearing a groan coming from him.

◊ “Kazuichi?” You squealed when you heard a- “S-s/o!?” come from underneath the machine, A “BANG!” following after.

◊ “Ow- U-uh hey S/o..!” He greeted waving his hand awkwardly from underneath the metal. 

◊ “Uh, A-are you going to come out?” You asked, concerned for—what sounded like—his head injury.

◊ “U-um nope. It’s uh, it’s cozy underneath here.” He refused politely, not wanting you to see his red face. 

◊ Literally red(or pink??) face; Blood had been running down his fucking forehead from the two hard bonks against the metal.

◊ The dog could smell the bullshit(and the blood) emitting from Kazuichi’s words, and bit gently onto his sneaker, urging out a scream from the pinkette.

◊ It pulled him out from underneath the machine, revealing his bloody forehead.

◊ You gasped in shock as you hurried him up to his feet, hastily bringing him to your clinic.

◊ He blushed at your close proximity, letting you drag him to a waiting seat.

◊ He watched warily as your animals ran into the backroom of your clinic, bringing you medical supplies as you carefully examined his forehead. 

◊ The animals watched you two as you disinfected his forehead, making Kazuichi nervous from the many tiny animal eyes glaring into him.

◊ He tensed as he felt a ferret climb his shoulder, clenching his eyes shut. 

◊ The ferret kissed him on his forehead, leaving you and him speechless.

◊ Well shit, the ferret had more confidence than you.

Mikan

◊ Mikan thought your ultimate was pretty cool!

◊ Since you were both in the medical field, you two had many things to talk about, therefore getting along unsurprisingly well.

◊ At first, she was a bit scared of your big animals, your small ones not so much.

◊ All your animals seemed to really really like her, and they’d be pretty protective of her.

◊ If Teruteru had said something perverted to her, one of your bears would maul him. 

◊ Everyone cheered as the bear kept on swinging TeruTeru’s arm in its jaw.

◊ That one time Hajime made Mikan cry, one of your lizards had slipped off Mikan and bit his finger.

◊ “Not cool, Hajim-“ Nagito started, before glancing down on his bloody finger, “Oh shit, are you okay??” 

◊ There’s always at least one of your animals stuck onto her just in case she gets picked on by Hiyoko or TeruTeru.

◊ They always have her back!

◊ If Hiyoko insulted Mikan for no good reason, the monkeys would pull her pigtails whilst the cats quickly ran to her dorm to shit inside it.

◊ Hiyoko stopped messing around with Mikan after that.

◊ Those times she trips and falls in very inconvenient positions, the animals cover her or scare everyone else away until you or someone trusted comes and helps.

◊ As the animals always have her back, she always has theirs.

◊ If someone tried to attack one of your animals, she’ll cover the animals and take the hit for them.

◊ Though before anyone could get hurt, your tiger had already pounced on the assaulter, tearing off their pants and watching as they ran away from the humiliation.

◊ If you’re busy healing one of the animals and can’t take care of the rest at the moment, Mikan will be your number #2 and she’ll help in any way she can!

◊ She remembers each animal’s feeding time to heart, never forgetting to feed them or give them water.

◊ She cherishes the animals almost as much as she cherishes you.

◊ She adores how kind you are to the animals and her, falling in love with your sweet personality.

◊ Mikan kind of becomes your wife and the animals being your shared children together.

◊ It’s really cute when you see the animals cuddle up to her while she pets them, it just makes you want to get on one knee.

◊ You are indefinitely thankful for her care, you’re sure you love her.

◊ Sooner or later, you two finally get together.

◊ All thanks to your animals actually, they did that classic nudge where you two kissed on accident.

◊ After you two get into a relationship, expect lots of cuddles.

◊ Correction, expect lots of cuddles with the animals.

◊ They regularly interrupt your quiet time with her by climbing in between and around the two of you, creating a safe and warm barrier. 

◊ As you’re always caring for your many animals, you sometimes forget to take care of yourself, so she’d also make sure you were okay too.

◊ Since she was the ultimate nurse, she knew humans better and so she knew when you weren’t taking care of yourself.

◊ She would get concerned for you as you overworked yourself, therefore reminding you to take care of yourself-

◊ Before immediately apologizing for her worries, afraid you thought she was clingy. 

◊ After assuring her you could never think that she was clingy, you promised her you’d take care of yourself, kissing her worried tears away.

◊ You’d do anything for Mikan, and she would do the same.

note; sorry if it’s a bit rushed!! i hope you enjoy anyways though, tysm for reading!

[iflostreturntosteverogers]

If You Love Her

Characters: Katsuki Bakugou x Reader, EraserMic, Ejiriou Kirishima, Hitoshi Shinsou, Kazuya Yamazaki (OMC), Hanta Sero (Mentioned), Mina Ashido (Mentioned), Denki Kaminari (Mentioned), Izuku Midoriya (Mentioned), Shouto Todoroki (Mentioned)

Warnings: Angst, Character Death, Grief, Little Smidge of Fluff

Word Count: 2278

Beta: @sorenmarie87​

A/N: Lyrics used from the song If You Love Her by Forest Blakk

Masterlist

      Katsuki hums as he prepares breakfast for the two of you. You lean against the doorframe admiring him in his hero costume. “Just gonna stand there, Firework? Or are you going to come kiss me good morning?”  He smirks over his shoulder at you. You push off the door frame and walk over to him, wrapping your arms around his waist. He sits his knife down and turns in your arms, cupping your face and kissing you. “You know you could’ve slept in right? UA is on holiday.” You shrug.

“I couldn’t sleep. I’m a little anxious this morning for some reason. Plus, I wanted to see you before you left for patrol.” Katsuki squeezes you hard before letting you go and turning back to his task. You grab your favorite mug and start to pour yourself a cup of coffee when his voice stops you.

“Don’t drink coffee if you’re anxious. You know it makes your heart race. There’s tea in the cabinet. Do you want me to stay home with you today?” 

“Thank you. No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine, Kat, I promise.” You reach up on your tiptoes for the tea on the top shelf. You had a sneaking suspicion that Katsuki liked to place things you used regularly up out of your reach so he could grab it for you. He chuckles and grabs the tin, placing it in your hands. “Thanks.”

“Welcome, babe. Breakfast is ready, but I’ve gotta take mine to go. I’m running late for a meeting with Deku, Shouto, and Kirishima before our patrols.” 

“Be safe, Kat. Come home to me.” He leans down to kiss you and presses your foreheads together. 

“I will. I promise.”

“Love you more.”

“Love you most, Firework. I’ll be home for dinner.”

      The envelope in his pocket feels like lead as he sits through the shitty meeting Deku is leading. The truth is he’d woken up with anxiety too. Terrified about the future and what would happen to you if he was gone and wasn’t there to protect and love you anymore. It’s not like hero work was exactly safe. There was always that risk. They had already lost friends and comforted significant others at burials. Kirishima nudges his leg. “Hey, man. You good?” Katsuki looks around and realizes the meeting room has emptied, leaving him and his best friend alone. 

“Just thinking about Denki and Shinsou. And Sero and Mina.” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah. It’s been what about a year since Sero was killed?” 

“Mhm and only a few months since Denki. Fuck, man. Feels like forever ago and yesterday at the same time.” Kirishima’s eyes fill with sadness thinking about their fallen friends. 

“Yeah. Listen, Kiri. I need you to do something for me.” He pulls the envelope from his pocket and holds it out to him. “If I- if I ever die, I need you to take care of her for me. Make sure she lives her life, man. Don’t let her shut down and her light die. She’s too bright for that, man. You protect her. You have to help her keep going. Make sure she falls in love again. And when she does, you give him this.” Katsuki’s voice cracks, thick with emotion.

“Katsuki, I-”

“Promise me, Ejiriou.” Katsuki shoves it at him. Eyes desperate and pleading. 

“Of course, Katsuki. I promise.” He pulls Katsuki into a hug, a move that would’ve earned him an explosion to the face years ago. They stay like that until Katsuki’s calm and in control again. 

“Let’s get out of here. I need to blow something up.” They both let out watery laughs and stand. 

“You know everything’s gonna be fine, right?” Kirishima places his hand on Katsuki’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, I just can’t stop thinking about how wrecked Mina and Shinsou were. Hell, they still are. We’ve done our best to be there for them but Shinsou shut down and pushed us away completely. He blocked everyone’s numbers, except Y/N, but she’s his sister. Mina tries, but we all know she can’t even look at us anymore, because she just sees the one who’s missing. I have to make sure someone takes care of her. For my peace of mind.”

“That makes sense.” They slip their comms in their ears and leave the conference room. Kirishima stops by his desk to store the letter while Katsuki texts you. “Ready?”

“Yep.”

Their patrol goes slowly. Katsuki just wants to get home to you. It’s hot as hell and quiet on the villain front. The only thing they’d done was rescue that dumb cat from a tree. “Dude, one more quiet block and I’m calling it a day.” 

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I think we can let the sidekicks handle the last couple hours without us.”

      You stand at the kitchen counter chopping vegetables for stir fry. The news drones on in the background as you make dinner. Katsuki had checked in multiple times and said his day was boring and long, so you figured you’d make his favorite food and you guys could have a movie night. Your phone starts buzzing in your pocket, but as you reach for it someone bangs on the door. “Good grief.” You lay the knife aside and wipe your hands on a towel. “I’m coming.” The banging continues, growing more frantic. “Jesus, I’m coming. Chill.” 

Time slows in that moment. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Katsuki’s picture on the news screen and turn. The doorknob jiggles as the person gives up on knocking and resorts to their key or picking the lock you don’t know. “Pro Hero Dynamight was killed moments ago in an attack. He and his partner, Red Riot, were on their way back to their agency when they were ambushed by a group of villains.” You stop dead in your tracks. The door opens. “Dynamight was dead by the time sidekicks and backup arrived. Red Riot has been rushed to the hospital. Dynamight was ranked number two behind Pro Hero Deku and leaves behind a wife. Japan thanks you for your sacrifice.” Your knees buckle, but arms wrap around you, keeping you from collapsing completely. Katsuki was dead. 

“I’ve got you, sweetheart.” A familiar deep voice rumbles in your ear. Aizawa holds you close as you sob into his chest. 

“Daddy, he’s gone. Katsuki’s gone. I can’t do this without him. I can’t!” You cry and scream on the floor in your father’s arms. Hizashi arrives moments later, hitting his knees and wrapping you both up. 

Everything is a blur after that. People are in and out of your house. Arms hold you, but they’re the wrong ones. Someone shoved a cup of tea into your hands that went cold a long time ago. You shiver at the cold emptiness that has seeped into your bones. Hizashi wraps a blanket around your shoulders and kisses your forehead. You don’t acknowledge him nor Aizawa when he tries to coax you into eating some food. “Baby, please just drink some water then.” 

You fall asleep on the couch late into the night, because you can’t bear to sleep in your bed without him. Your dads sleep on the couch opposite you. They’re curled protectively around each other, having been reminded once again that time is short and how lucky they’ve been. 

Katsuki’s service is beautiful. People from all over the country come to say goodbye. Your dads hold your hands, while Kirishima, Deku, and Todoroki speak about their friend. It takes all your strength to stand at that podium. “Most of Japan knows Katsuki as Pro Hero Dynamight. The explosive, sometimes crass hero who never backed down whether in battle or simply in the way he spoke. I knew him as the love of my life. He never held back in loving me. He put things on top shelves that I couldn’t reach just so he could get them down and then kiss me. He loved to cook and has made breakfast for me every single morning since we began dating our second year. Katsuki was incredibly caring, even if he wouldn’t show anyone. I love you more, Katsuki. I don’t know how I’m supposed to live without you.” You break down as you address your lost love. Hizashi realizes you won’t be able to move on your own and walks up to you. 

“Come on, baby. Come back and sit down. You did so well.” He places his hands on your shoulders.

“I can’t, Papa. I can’t do this.” Tears flow freely down your face as you grip the podium. 

“You can. One step at a time.” You let go and lean against him as he leads you back to your seat. The service concludes just after sunset. Fireworks fill the sky as tribute to the explosive hero.

      Kirishima sits at a table in the cafe, enjoying the beautiful weather and cherry blossoms. You make your way over to him. “Thanks for coming, Kiri.” He stands and pulls you into a crushing hug. 

“Of course I came! How are you? You look great!” 

“Thank you. I’m doing good.” You smile and he pulls your chair out for you. “I actually asked you here for a reason. I-uh, I’ve met someone. His name is Kazuya. Kazuya Yamazaki. He works at UA teaching Hero Ethics. He’s incredibly sweet and caring. He’s compassionate and understanding. He’s not Katsuki, but I love him. I miss Katsuki so much, Kiri. I still love him. I’ll never stop loving him.” Tears come to your eyes when you mention your late husband. Kirishima smiles.

“Sweetheart, that’s awesome. Katsuki wanted you to live life after he was gone. He wanted you to find love again and be happy. He made me promise that I’d take care of you and make sure you lived and moved on. He’d be so proud of you.” He hands you a napkin to wipe your tears away and chuckles. “Do I get to meet him?” 

“That makes me feel better. And yes, you can. We can do dinner at my house this week and I’ll introduce the two of you. Until then, let’s order some food. I’m starving.”

You order and catch up with each other. When you start to leave he hands you an envelope. “Give this to him.” You look down at it. Written on the front is “To the Extra that loves her after I’m gone” in Katsuki’s handwriting. You hug it to you. 

“I will.”

      You close your car door and take a deep breath. Kazuya makes his way over to you and the two of you walk silently to Katsuki’s monument. “I wanted you to come here for a reason. Today at lunch Kirishima gave me this.” You show him the letter in your hands. “It only felt appropriate for it to be read here.” He takes the letter from you and you both sit in the grass with your backs against the cold marble. You lean your head over onto his shoulder as he reads. 

“To the Extra that loves her after I’m gone. Extra?” 

“Yeah,” you giggle, “that’s just how Katsuki was. Keep going.” 

“If you’re reading this shit then I must be gone, but it also means that she’s found happiness and love again. That’s all I want for her. She deserves the world. But if you’re going to love her there’s some things you should know. If she gives you her heart, don't you break it. Let your arms be a place she feels safe in. She's the best thing that you'll ever have. She always has trouble falling asleep, and she likes to cuddle while under the sheets. She loves Pop songs and dancing and bad trash TV. There's still a few other things. She loves love notes and babies. And likes giving gifts. Has a hard time accepting a good compliment. She loves her whole family and all of her friends. On days when it feels like the whole world might cave in, stand side by side and you'll make it. She's the best thing that you'll ever have. She'll love you if you love her like that. Kiss her with passion as much as you can. Run your hands through her hair whenever she's sad. And when she doesn't notice how pretty she is. Tell her over and over, so she never forgets. Make her breakfast every morning, because she hates mornings and it makes her happy. Don’t let her drink coffee, it just makes her anxious. Buy her flowers and candy and those dumb stuffed animals she loves so much. Make her smile every chance you get because it is the most beautiful thing in the world. Love her. Love her more than anything else in the world. Don’t let her be sad over me. Make sure she shines. Her light is so bright and warm. Take care of her for me. -Katsuki Bakugou”

You wipe tears from your cheeks. “Oh, Katsuki.” Kazuya wraps his arm around you and lets you cry on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“No, sweetheart. There’s no reason to be sorry. He was your first love, your husband. You are allowed to still love him and to still be grieving him. I know there’s room in your heart for both of us.” 

“Thank you. Even after ten years, it still hurts and I still miss him.”

“And that’s okay. Why don’t we go to the market and buy some flowers, so we can freshen up his arrangement? And then we can go home and you can tell me more about him.”

“That sounds great.”

Tags: @fictionalabyss​, @leave-me-2-rot-among-the-flowers​

[wowitsel]

when the night is over it hurts

masterlist Summary: you have a panic attack, and Spencer isn’t there

Word count: 1.2k

Genre: angst, tiny bit of fluff at the end

WARNINGS: a detailed account of a panic attack, talk of death

A/N: this fic has descriptive details of a panic attack, or an anxiety attack, and is just based on my own experiences, it’s not the same for everyone. As always, I am here if anyone needs to talk.

Slowly sitting up in your bed, you look over at the other side of the bed, to see it empty. It wasn’t unusual for this to happen, and you had come to terms with that fact. His job was important and time-consuming, but he was saving lives, and that was enough. Until today.

From the outside, today wouldn’t seem any different than any other day, but sometimes that doesn’t matter. Days when you feel your world is imploding on you, but for no reason are always the hardest. You feel so horrible, yet for no justifiable reason. That just adds a layer of guilt to the mass amount of feelings you're feeling.

A stray tear makes its way out of your eye, and that seemed to break the dam wall down. Soon enough you’re close to bawling. If asking why you were like this, you couldn't give an answer. Something about the day just made you feel so vulnerable. Vulnerable to all the torments of your very own mind. All the little thoughts that you kept buried so very deep in your mind. The thoughts telling you that Spencer was too good for you, that you didn’t deserve him. The thoughts that convince you that none of the people in your life actually care about you. And the thoughts that remind you of all the bad things that have ever happened to you.

You sit there and bask in your sadness, thinking about how bad your life is, and how lonely you are, until you think about how bad other people have it. You think about Spencer, and all the things he had to go through with his mom, being kidnapped, and all the stuff with Cat. You think about all the people on the streets, without a home. And you think about all the people who have had their loved ones die. “Everyone of those people has had it so much worse than you”, you think.

It seems to have made everything worse, guilt sinks through your heart, causing it to fall deeper into your chest.

There's a little voice in the back of your head that's telling you to get help, to call Spencer, but how could you? He’s on a case, busy, and either way, he’s the one that always does so much for you. “You’re a burden”, you think.

For some reason, you find yourself unlocking your phone, and dialing his number. The sound of the phone ringing filled the room, for a while, then it stopped, and the silence was deafening. He didn’t pick up. Panicking, you send him a text:

You: please pick up

You quickly type that, while a tear hits the iphone screen. You try to call him again, and he doesn’t pick up again. You realize that it wasn't going to work a few failed calls later. You finally press the off button on your phone and throw it on the bed.

Breaths were slowly beginning to become harder, and panic spread through your whole body as it started shaking. You didn’t know it was possible to feel so many emotions, yet feel so numb at the same time.

“I can’t do this” you chanted over and over again, rocking back and forth in an attempt to calm down.

When that didn’t work you began to hyperventilate. It was so hard to breathe.

“Just breathe. In and out,” you said to yourself.

When you try and breathe, but can’t it just makes you cry harder, which in turn makes it even harder to breathe. It's like some messed up version of the domino effect.

Overwhelmed couldn’t even begin to describe how you were feeling. Every fiber in your being was screaming out in pain. Telling you that something was wrong, telling you that you needed to do something, and reminding you that you are not strong enough.

“It’s too much. I can’t do this. I can’t- I- I-” you muttered out between sobs.

It hurt so much. All of it. You felt like you were falling off the edge of a cliff. You felt like the weight of the world was on you, heavy, too much.

Weak. You were weak. And tired. So very tired, despite the fact that it was still morning. You hugged your knees, and leaned against the headboard, as you slowly came down from high, out of sheer exhaustion.

You succumb to the sleep. It overcomes your body.

+++

There was no doubt in his mind about it. Spencer loved you. Spencer cared about you, and never wanted anything bad to happen to you.

The case the team was on was a very rough one, so Spencer needed to put his full attention, on the case, so he turned his phone off.

When the case eventually closed, and they got home, he turned his phone on, to see several missed calls, and a text from you, and that led to panic.

He rushed home, in a daze, and once he arrived, he clumsily unlocked the door and rushed to the bedroom once he saw the rest of the apartment empty. He sighed in relief once he saw you lying on the bed in the fetal position.

He walked over to the side of the bed, wondering what was wrong, calmer now that he knew you were not in immediate danger. He gently ran his fingers through your hair, to wake you up. When you did wake up and saw Spencer there, you quickly moved away from him. Spencer’s face contorted in confusion with this act, and he said, “Hey! What are you doing? What’s wrong?”

“Please. Please just- just-” you struggled to tell him as you began to hyperventilate again.

“Hey, hey! It's ok. It's ok” Spencer says to you, as he pulls you into his arms.

“You left me. You didn’t pick up,” you say through the tears.

Spencer rubs your arm, as he slowly begins to put the piece together of what happened.

“I know. I’m sorry, my love. I’m not gonna leave you again. Ok?” he says as you cry into his chest.

The two of you just sit in your bed, as you cry, and he comforts you. Spencer slowly learns about everything that happened, through the fragments of information he was getting from your cries.

As you calmed down, you rested your head on his shoulder, and said to him, “I’m sorry”.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, pretty girl” he whispered, kissing the top of your head.

“I was so scared bubs,” you told Spencer, “I felt like I was gonna die. I was so scared I was gonna die, and you weren’t gonna be there”.

Hearing your confession just added to his guilt. He let a single tear leave his eye, while he told you, “I know. I’m so sorry. You're ok now though, and I’m never leaving your side again”

Both of you knew that that was a promise that was not going to happen, but neither of you two felt like saying anything about it. You just snuggled into him even more and told him, “I love you”.

Which he then responded to, by telling you, “I love you too”

[wrenhyperfixates]

Of All the Places

Chapter 9

Pairing: Loki x reader Series Summary: Washing up in a small town in Oklahoma was definitely not part of Loki’s plan when he came to conquer Midgard. There is one good thing about it, though: No one recognizes him as the one who just wreaked havoc in New York. So, Loki plans to recover from the battle and move on with his life. The only problem? He’s not sure he can leave you. Chapter Summary: A morning with you and a talk with John make it clear to Loki what he has to do. And, perhaps letting the right people in on his secret wouldn’t be so bad, after all. Chapter Warnings: some very fluffy bits and tons of pining A/N: From here on out, it’s going to get pretty plot heavy, so be prepared. Feel free to let me know what you think :) Updates every Friday.

Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant​ @lunarmoon8​ @twhiddlestonsstuff​ @marvelousdaydreams​ @parkastoria​ @lokistan​

✥ Start at Beginning ✥ | ← Previous Chapter | Next Chapter →

Disclaimer: Gif not mine 

Loki regained control of consciousness slowly, each sense returning to him one at a time. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept so soundly without having been injured. The last thing to register in his brain was your weight on his chest. You were on top of him even more than you had been last night, but he did not mind in the slightest. Instead, he smiled softly at your sleeping form, listening to the sound of your deep breathing. His eyes fell to your lips, parted ever so slightly, and he was overcome with desire to kiss you awake. He shook his head a little at the ridiculous idea.

He intended to sneak away and leave you to rest, but you foiled his plans by snuggling closer to him in your sleep, pinning him where he was. Looking down at your peaceful form, he caught a whiff your scent. It made him feel safe, a sensation he’d not been familiar with in a long time.

“Loki,” you whispered in your sleep.

“Yes?” he prompted, his heart beating a wild rhythm.

“Cold.”

“Ah, I see.”

It was silly to be disappointed. He shouldn’t have expected much else, after all, but it was not so uncommon for someone to make a confession in their sleep. He pulled the blankets tighter around you. For good measure, he said an enchantment to warm you up and ward off the cold radiating from his body. You released a sigh of joy and cuddled closer still.

Loki supposed he could go back to sleep, he very much would have liked to in fact, but now that he was up, his mind was racing. Now that he was sure of what he wanted, he’d need a plan to get it. To get you. The only problem existed in the form of his incompetence toward mortal courting procedures. He was vaguely aware that it was usually referred to as dating nowadays, but that didn’t exist on Asgard, so the word held very little meaning to him. A twinge of sadness shot through his heart as he realized Thor would probably know, considering his infatuation with that mortal woman, Jane Foster. Someone that he had been kept away from because of Loki. Now that he had you, his own mortal to love and cherish, he felt it an indescribable evil that he’d done such a thing.

“G’morning,” you mumbled in a groggy voice, too recently out of sleep to be embarrassed by your position just yet. You looked up at Loki and rubbed your eyes. “How’d you sleep?”

“Better than I have in a long, long time.”

“Yeah, hard work will do that to a person.”

“Perhaps,” he said, trailing one hand gently down your arm as the other came to rest on the small of your back. “Or perhaps it was something else.”

“Oh! Well, um, you know,” you fumbled for a coherent sentence, his words suddenly brining you to your senses. “It was probably the work thing. Building a barn, all that dancing. It takes a lot of a guy.”

You nervously laughed and made like you were going to roll off of him, but his arm didn’t budge, holding you in place.

“Well, for whatever reason, I am still rather tired. I would not mind a lazy morning.”

His beautiful grin convinced you to stay, and he couldn’t resist humming a little Asgardian tune as you absentmindedly played with his hair. It was a song Frigga had sung to him when he was just a child, before the malice had rooted itself in his heart. It always reminded him of a simpler, more innocent time. Here, with you, he felt that same feeling he did then.

“That’s really pretty,” you said once he was finished. “What song is it?”

“Something from deep in my memory. I am afraid that is all I can say.”

“Oh, well that’s good that things are coming to you in bits and pieces. Your brother, that book, this song—you’ll remember everything before you know it.”

“And yet, nothing could compare to this.”

“Yeah, this town is pretty charming.”

“I suppose you do not remember the last conversation we had about this,” he tsked. “It is not the town that I am referring to.”

Your eyes went wide as you looked at him. No matter how many times he said something like that, you wouldn’t get over it. Often, he couldn’t believe he said them, either, for a whole slew of reasons. For one, falling in love with a mortal was the last thing he’d ever imagined for his life. Though, now that he knew more about humans, he found it far more believable. And for another, he just didn’t have all that much confidence that anyone could love him like that. Why say such things if the feelings wouldn’t be reciprocated? That was the thing, though. With you, he dared hope they might be.

You opened your mouth to say something, but were cut off by the creaking of the barn doors. A loud meow came from Taffy as she made her way up to where you were, but you knew the cat wouldn’t have been able to open the doors. You and Loki looked at each for a brief second, both mortified and nervous to be found in such an intimate, vulnerable way. As a voice sounded from down below, you hastily broke apart, and Loki immediately missed your warmth.

“Are you out here?” Mama shouted, calling your name.

“Up here,” you said, leaning over the edge. “Loki’s here, too, in case you were worried.”

“Well, of course I was worried, but not ’bout him. Do you know how close I came to a heart attack when you weren’t in your bed this morning?”

“You are aware I’m not five anymore, right Mama?”

“Yeah, well, with your judgement,” she said, eyeing up Loki as he appeared beside you, “you sure seem like you are sometimes. Now hurry along before you miss breakfast.”

Well, the truce was nice while it lasted, but Loki guessed that whatever points he’d won with her from saving Matt were canceled out by his evening with you. Apparently she wasn’t too keen on the idea of you two cozying up with each other. Not that he meant that in a weird way or anything, but last night had been pretty intimate. And that wasn’t even mentioning this morning.

Shooting Loki an apologetic smile for Mama’s comment, you scurried down the ladder as not to upset the woman more. The raven haired god sighed and followed you, casting one last longing glance at the pile of blankets and pillows where you were snuggled together just moments ago.

“Listen here, boy,” Mama menaced in a low tone, putting up a hand to stop him. She checked over her shoulder to make sure you were already out of the barn before continuing. “I won’t be losing another one of my babies to an untrustworthy stranger.”

“I believe I already told you, I would never hurt them, never hurt any of you,” he almost pleaded. “That is not my intention.”

“Just because you don’t mean to hurt someone, doesn’t mean you won’t.”

She stalked out before Loki could get another word in, not that he really knew what to say. She was right, after all, especially when it came to him. How many people, how many families, had he destroyed in his path of life? He’d certainly ruined his own.

The God of Mischief sat down on a hay bale, burying his head in his hands. He felt distraught beyond words, torn between his head and his heart. His mind was screaming to let you be, but his heart—oh, his poor crippled heart!—was begging to never be away from you. And, in the end, wouldn’t leaving lead to pain for you, too? Whether you loved him back or not, he knew you cared in some way.

“Loki, you alright out here?” John called from the barn doors. “Mama said you were coming along, but you-know-who was starting to panic that you’d fainted or something.”

The trickster god smiled at your concern for his well being. It only strengthened his conviction that you wouldn’t totally scorn him if he were to tell you how he truly feels. Still, the thought of actually doing that was so daunting that he hid his face again.

“I am fine,” he said, taking in a deep breath. “Just fine, thank you.”

“You’re not,” John replied as he sat next to Loki. “We’re friends, right man? You can talk to me, too, you know.”

“It would be quite a lot to unpack, I am afraid,” he admitted with a wry laugh.

“I’ve got time.”

“I...” he began, unsure of how much he could say without revealing the truth. “The whole time I have been here, I have felt that I should leave. But now I do not know how I could do that without hurting those I care about. I also cannot fathom staying here forever without telling my true feelings to...” he trailed off, not quite ready to admit it out loud just yet, but when John said your name, Loki confirmed it with a nod. “For the first time in a while, I do not know what my next move should be.”

“Well, for starters, be completely honest with me, God of Mischief and Lies.”

“Pardon?” Loki deadpanned, his mouth dry.

“I know, Loki. But before you run off, I haven’t told anyone.”

“When? Why?” Loki questioned, at a loss for words.

“Remember when I went into the city the other day to get supplies after the tornado?” Loki nodded. He would have gone, too, but there was still too much damage around the farm from the twister for both of them to take off. “I found out then. Some small newspaper ran a story on it, and I put the pieces together.”

“And as for the why?”

“Because you’d literally just saved my son not forty-eight hours before. You didn’t have to do that, but you did. So I don’t care what they say, I don’t think you’re all that bad. Or bad at all, really. Don’t worry, you’re secret’s safe with me.”

Loki nodded slowly, comprehending the information he’d just been given. John really was a friend to Loki, but he was something more, too. He was almost what a brother should be, in Loki’s mind at least. He was like how Thor used to be when they were children. There was one time, before he’d received any kind of training, when Loki’s spell had backfired on him. It had hurt, both emotionally and physically, but he was too fearful of being reprimanded to tell his parents. Thor had sat with him then, much like John was doing now.

“I cannot even begin to thank you,” he finally said. “And I truly promise that I will do everything in my power to protect this family, not hurt it.”

“I believe you, but you have to promise one thing.”

“And that would be?”

“Tell them how you truly feel.”

It was a fairly reasonable request, all things considered. And John had insisted multiple times that you felt the same way about him. So perhaps this story wouldn’t have such a tragic finish after all. Then again, did villains get happy endings? Or maybe Loki wasn’t the villain. It’d been a bit since he hadn’t thought himself one, but in light of everything that had happened over the last month or so, he was starting to see things in a more favorable way.

“Alright,” he agreed. “I will do it, but you must give me time to plan.”

“Deal. And I hope you know, you’re going to have to tell them the truth sooner rather than later. About all this.”

“I do know. And it will be sooner. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt them.”

“It’s like I said before, Loki, I believe you.”

After thanking him again, they headed to the house, those three words ringing in Loki’s ears. I believe you. It had been a long time since anyone had believed Loki. Maybe he could believe John and accept that you liked him too. Maybe. But he wouldn’t have to guess for long; he knew he’d be finding out very, very soon.

[ladyfawkes]

Eugene Appreciation Week | Day 4: Snow - A Murder of Snows

A Murder of Snows by LadyFawkes Current Word Count: 1115 Current Chapter: 1 of 5 - The Corduroy Coat Rated T for upcoming chapters Summary: Cassandra teases Eugene one too many times about his dislike for snow. Rapunzel’s since been made aware of what one main reason is but she doesn’t know many others that Eugene has yet to divulge. He gives at least 5 examples that include reasons for him to loathe these tiny ice crystals. Each story is successively worse than the previous one.

Chapter 1: The Corduroy Coat

Eugene was shuffling around the chateau in his fluffy slippers and warmest pajamas. He’d claimed the poofiest chair and fluffiest lap blanket as well as dragging the chair to the spot closest by the fireplace. He’d lost track of the amount of hot cocoa mugs he’d been sipping, but Cassandra “helpfully” reminded him by demanding to know why he was on his sixth mug of the stuff. It was snowing lightly outside. “Just because you’re the Ice Empress of Corona doesn’t mean the rest of us have to like this weather,” he snapped. “If you weren’t such a snow curmudgeon, maybe I wouldn’t have to try and razz you out of it!” Cassandra reasoned, “This weather is so rare and so fun!!” “Maybe for you,” mumbled Eugene softly, his eyes staring unseeingly into his cocoa mug. Rapunzel was outside gathering clean snow for their water supply. The three of them took turns doing this chore and Rapunzel seemed to genuinely enjoy it and for once….it was one task he was grateful to pass by whenever she volunteered to take his place. Lance, who was too chicken to even be talked into going with them, had kept his chicken-ass self back in Corona. “In Vardaros, winters are typically vastly different,” he corrected Cass. “And that’s only one place I’ve lived or traveled through that has bad weather in the winter.” Cassandra considered him….truly considered, and replied, “I see.” She meant for Eugene to pick up the conversational ball, but she was uniquely terrible at dealing with touchy-feely subjects, and this was definitely one of them for Eugene. Ah well. Best to just say it anyway…. “Do you wanna...talk...about it?” It was clunky and stilted but Eugene could tell she was nonetheless trying to be sincere. Still he was about to rebuff her when Rapunzel rejoined from the galley kitchen, saying, “I think you should, Eugene. She needs to know and she’s listening.” “Even though most of these things are total downers?” he asked softly, idly twirling the spoon in his mug. “You might be needlessly dramatic sometimes, Fitzherbert, but you rarely ever deeply discuss anything….real. Rapunzel’s right. Out with it,” Cassandra insisted.

Eugene sighed -- undramatically -- and raked a hand over his hair. “All right, well, you can’t say I didn’t warn you guys….” ~~~~~~~((O))~~~~~~~ Little Eugene had just been given a donated winter coat. That coat came the closest to actually fitting him amongst the few others he’d tried on. It was warm and had nice buttons and he liked the way the corduroy felt under his fingertips when he touched the fabric. He went outside to show Arnie and his other few friends the nice sky blue coat. Yet before Eugene could even find his buddies, however, he was stopped by the Grundersen twins. Their red hair was closest to what Eugene imagined was what crazy-angry would look like if it were a color. Just one of those twins was more than twice Eugene’s size and the pair of them had backed him into a corner of the building outside. Not again…. thought Eugene. Left with nowhere else to run, little Eugene held up his arms in front of his face and gritted his teeth repeating, “Don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me!!” as if it were a mantra. “Give us the coat, runt,” the meaner one ordered. From behind his arms-shielding, Eugene looked cock-eyed at this twin and said, “But why? It won’t even fit you!” Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. The twin who was talking to him had reached over the top of Eugene’s head and grabbed the back of the collar of the coat, briefly lifting Eugene right off the ground. He threw Eugene down in some wet snow and proceeded to pin him in place with some really sharp icicles. It was their latest trick -- stabbing their victims in place like specimen bugs. Eugene slid down and only barely escaped being pinned through either shoulder. This new coat took the brunt of the punishment. The quieter twin had grabbed handfuls of snow and was cruelly white-washing Eugene’s face with the slush until his face was raw, chapped, and frozen enough that he couldn’t really feel anything anymore. It seemed like an eternity, but Eugene finally managed to scramble out of their grasp, but it wasn’t without sacrificing possession of that new (to him) warm coat. Although Eugene had eventually been given a replacement, it wasn’t nearly as warm, it was ill-fitting, and he’d actually got so cold that winter, he caught his first case of pneumonia. Not only that, but the Grundersen twins tormented him and white-washed him nearly every winter's day for close to five years. It was such a "special" season. ~~~~~~~((0))~~~~~~~ Cassandra sat back and studied Eugene with renewed regard. “And this isn’t your worst story?” she asked askance. In response, Eugene raised his eyebrows and took a particularly long slurpy pull from his hot cocoa mug. “Were those Grundersens the Stabbingtons in their younger days?” she asked astutely. “Very good,” Eugene clapped sarcastically. “And yes, none other. I got sick a lot during my days at the orphanage. Most of us smaller kids did.” “Why didn’t the orphanage do anything to stop them from accosting you?” Cass all but demanded. Eugene would’ve laughed bitterly, but instead it came out as a wan half-hearted chuckle. “You really don’t understand sibling dynamics, do you? If I had told the nuns anything, the twins would’ve amped up their attacks. As long as I shut up and said nothing, they kept their attacks down to just once a day. Most of the time.” “What finally got them to stop?” Rapunzel asked quizzically. And Eugene’s face unexpectedly lit up with a delightsome conspiratorial smirk. “I finally got big enough to outrun them and eventually humiliate them in front of the others one too many times.” Cassandra snorted. “Of course,” she replied with a half-smile. Then Eugene shrugged and grinned, “But what can I say? I do have them to thank for turning me into a fighter, though. A real scrapper.” “So you said you have even worse examples?” Cass prodded. “Okay, so you really wanna know? Then you’re gonna have to agree to stick with every single story, right here and now,” Eugene insisted. “No backing out halfway through,” he said seriously. “I’m not gonna dredge

all of this up for nothing.” “Agreed,” Cassandra said easily. “You know I’ll stick around,” Rapunzel said softly, reaching out a hand to Eugene. He grabbed her hand and gave it a little squeeze before continuing….. ----------------------- P.S. Sorry this is late, I had a VERY needy cat all of a sudden, who kept interrupting me literally every 20 minutes for FOUR HOURS as I was trying to complete the first phase of this one. And then I kept falling asleep, lol. Good thing the next day is a Free Day and I can just post this in its place.... I also happen to already have ideas for each chapter. @gleamful-lanterns @kingreywrites @autumn-ravenclaw @fishskiin

[thatringboy]

All of my other TWST HCs

Because my Twisted Wonderland Headcanons have been my most popular posts, here I am giving the mob what they want! An almost complete list of Headcanons I have about every character and house!

This is by far my longest post and it took me three days to type, so I hope you guys get a laugh out of it!

WARNING: THESE ARE MY PERSONAL OPINIONS ABOUT EACH CHARACTER. IF YOU DON’T AGREE WITH ONE, PLEASE DON’T ATTACK ME OR OTHERS WHO SUPPORT MY HCS. JUST DON’T BE A DICK.

Heartslabyul

The word “Queen” is gender neutral

Frequently allows students from other houses to study with them

Recently expanded into two buildings dedicated just for dorms to house all of the students

Actually lots of words are gender neutral

Riddle

Does rebellious things with Trey sometimes

Actually struggled with gender for a while because of his mother and responds to all pronouns (he/she/they), but identifies as male

Sometimes uses the label “Androgynous Male”

Is attracted to Trey, but he can’t tell if it’s because of his childhood or because he genuinely likes his Vice DH

Has Tea Time TM with Vil

Abolished gender roles in NRC despite it being an all guys school

During Summer Vacation he wears jean shorts and mint green tank tops with red flip flops

Has a pet crab that is red and named “Queen” despite Riddle not knowing Queen’s gender

Queen is the mascot for Heartslabyul despite being a sea creature

We stan Queen the Crab in this house.

Trey

Enjoys breaking the rules with Riddle, even if it’s not very often

He dyed his hair green as a joke with Cater during his first year, but decided to keep it 

Has fallen for Riddle. Hard.

But between his dignity, his position and him not knowing if Riddle likes men, he won’t say anything that could ruin the friendship

Rook found out by accident and actually helps Trey try to work up the courage to ask Riddle out, but Trey always backs down

Invented a type of Tea that soaks clover leaves and it tastes like vanilla mixed with mint

Cater

#SELFIE

Not really a drama queen, but will egg on fights for views

Sometimes his clones will develop different accents and that’s how you tell them apart

Has a pansexual flag in his room

Spends more time partying in Scarabia than in Heartslabyul

Is close friends with Kalim and actually crushed on him for a bit, but got over it once he noticed the way he looks at Jamil

Actually gives good relationship advice

Deuce

Was Bi-Curious during his Pre-NRC days and actually tried to put it behind him like everything else

However, like, everyone at NRC is some flavor of gay

So he gave up on his internalized homophobia and now lives his full authentic life!

Still uses the labels Bi-Curious and Questioning and often goes to Cater for advice

But his buddies love and support him no matter what

Is a huge feminist

Cater fully believes that Deuce likes Ace, but he actually doesn’t

Deuce admits when men are attractive, no matter if it makes them uncomfortable or not

Didn’t go over well with Jack

But the two are cool now

Ace

Probably one of the straightest guys you’ll ever meet besides Rook

Actually learned what the different teas smell like so that he never messed up again

Enjoys his fights with Grim, even if Grim is a little shit

Like seriously Grim is a little flying rat shit turd fuck but that’s just my opinion

Almost never learns from his mistakes and always pays the price

Chaotic Good.

Loves going on adventures with the Prefect and Grim!

Has never gone back to the Mostro Lounge without Jack or the Prefect

Also got really into Mermaid culture and regularly goes back to the Atlantica Memorial Museum to talk with that one guard

Has memorized the script from the Little Mermaid

Can sing You Pour, Unfortunate Soul in a perfect baritone vibrato despite his high voice

Also takes singing lessons from Azul, but only if someone else is in the room with them

Savanaclaw

Throws pool parties regularly

Octavinelle is almost always invited

Magift between the two houses is insane

Leona

Raging Bisexual, need I say more?

Goes to great lengths to find loopholes and just be lazy

Also goes to great lengths to help Ruggie

Hates his brother, but loves Cheka and his sister-in-law

Can’t properly digest seafood, but eats in in front of Azul and the Leech twins just to be a bitch

Is kinda clingy

Even if he doesn’t want to, he goes to all of the Savanaclaw vs Octavinelle vs Pomfiore karaoke battles

Can’t sing for shit, but likes to watch Ruggie and Jack duet and destroy everyone

Constantly reminds Malleus about the time they swapped robes

Actually swaps clothing with Malleus quite often on purpose to see how they feel

Ruggie

A good singer

But kinda self conscious about it??

Also a Raging Bisexual

Play flirts a lot with Leona, even though they don’t like one another like that

Is FtM Transgender, fully transitioned, and wears his scarf to cover the fact that he doesn’t have much chest hair and his scars

Only Leona and Crowley know

Gets a little dysphoria because his voice is still so high and because he’s shorter than everyone in Savanaclaw, but takes one look at Riddle, Lila and Ace and forgets about it

Jack suspects, but the two make a killer duo during karaoke!

Jack

Is straight, but won’t get in your face about it

Actually learned how to become a fast swimmer just to flex on Jade and Floyd

Has memorized almost all of Heartslabyul’s rules just because he didn’t want to be disrespectful

Arm wrestles with Floyd often

Helps out in the Mostro Lounge pretty often when he’s bored

His karaoke skills are out of this world!

Also has memorized the layout for Ramshackle Dorm just so he wouldn’t get lost in there

Tsundere? Maybe.....

Knows something’s different about Ruggie, but can’t figure it out

Respects privacy like crazy

Just a cool guy to be around

Octavinelle

Hosts the karaoke battles

Now pays their employees in the Mostro Lounge

Gives free singing lessons

Azul

Choir Gay TM

Aromantic Homosexual

Constantly has Boss Bitch by Doja Cat in his head

Actually has shit handwriting and it made his Golden Contracts all the much more powerful

His handwriting is beautiful underwater, though

When he’s feeling lazy, Azul transforms into his Merman form and uses his 8 extra arms to do things for him

Has a single picture from his childhood that he has not edited (or tried to edit)

It’s of him, Jade and Floyd graduating Junior High

All three of them are linking arms and smiling brightly

It sits on his nightstand in a golden frame

Gives most of the singing lessons

But doesn’t participate in the karaoke battles

“I’ll join if Leona joins.”

Petty about the karaoke

Jade

Once swapped clothing styles with Floyd for an entire day and was just chaotic towards everyone

Does this more often now just to relieve stress

Only the Prefect could ever tell them apart

Not even Azul knew they had swapped

Is Pansexual and liked Azul during Junior High, but got over it once they started at NRC

Can scare someone so badly that they tell the truth regardless of Jade using his magic

50 students were asked who they’d rather have to fight, 42 of them said “Floyd all the way! No way am I fighting Jade!”

Was actually popular in Junior High, but turned down opportunities to be more popular to spend time with Floyd and Azul

Can cuss in 8 languages

Floyd

When he swapped clothing with Jade, he actually enjoyed being calm and responsible

Loves to do things like that for Jade

Raging Homosexual, need I say more?

His Bakugou impression is on point

There are several videos of him just standing at the end of a dark hallway laughing and whispering “Die, Deku!”

Also really likes Volleyball despite being on the Basketball team

Takes Bean Day a lot farther than it needs to be

Flirts with Riddle a lot, knowing it upsets Trey

But doesn’t know that Trey actually likes Riddle

Has sea related nicknames for everyone

Scarabia

Everyone has to help take care of Snake

Monthly competitions where Kalim hands out free vacations

The competitions involve taking care of Snake

Who is Snake? You’ll see.

Kalim

When he learned what Pansexual was, he went around Scarabia clapping pans together to come out

Cater was the one who explained it to him

Loves to party and flirt with Jamil, but can be serious if needed

Sometimes holds group therapy for his dorm residents

But also PARTY 24/7 IF IT HAS ALCOHOL WE CHUGGIN’ TONIGHT!

PARTY ROCKERS IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT

Named his magic carpet “Jamil Jr.”

Flexes on Azul with Jamil Jr.

Is open about his attraction to Jamil, but also respects Jamil’s personal space

He and Lila sneak out at night to mess with people

Jamil

Has a pet snake that he never named

Just calls the snake “Snake”.

When Jamil’s busy, other residents take turns taking care of Snake

There is an entire chore chart and half of the chores involve Snake

Snake isn’t even the dorm mascot, he’s just Jamil’s pet

Tsundere TM

The only reason he doesn’t accept Kalim’s professions of love is because of his family obligations to serve the Al-Asim family

Takes family and traditions very seriously

Internalized homophobia? Maybe....

Petty as well

Has poured sand into people’s shoes and hidden scorpions in beds

Pomfiore

Usually wins the karaoke battles

Unless Ruggie + Jack join

Make up tips

Vil

I’ve said most of my HCs about him

But I’ll retype them

Wine Mom TM

Musical Theatre Gay TM

Tea Time TM

Fashion Police TM

NRC James Charles

But also respective of people’s sexualities

Has poured water into people’s makeup

Has attempted to give Rook a make over, but Rook is more acrobatic then he looks

Has never actually sung in public

Likes to keep people guessing over his singing voice

Has a cherry apple tree in the school garden that he spends time every day taking care of

Runs NRC’s GSA

Rook

Heterosexual TM

Wears Doc Martens sandals with beige cargo shorts and white polo shirts when not in uniform

Can be seen back-flipping away in this outfit while Vil chases him around the dorm

Is allergic to strawberries

Epel’s bodyguard

Throws rotten fruit at people and calls it a prank

His bangs were by accident

But decided to keep them

Pretends to hunt, but can’t shoot for shit

However does go on fishing trips

Has to have some Heterosexual Hobbies TM

Epel

Is an actual Prince

Like owns land

Everyone in the dorm protects him

Is actually like Honey Senpai

Will put you in your place.

Like fr is a top.

Despite being so small

I don’t know what his sexuality would be

Probably Bisexual

Can lower is voice a lot if needed

Ignihyde

There’s magic inside of the dorm that turns all fire blue, but the fire turns back to normal once outside the dorm

Doesn’t apply to Ortho’s hair, though

Has the most LGBT residents - even more than Pomfiore surprisingly

Actually, not surprising - have you seen Disney’s Hades????

Iida

Cat-sits for Professer Trein

Everyone believes he can set his hair on fire, but he actually can’t

His hair is naturally that fire-y color

Loves to prank people, but never in person

Social Anxiety? Personified.

Before he rebuilt Ortho, Iida had a robot he controlled from his room that went to class for him

The robot was named “Meg”

Now he just uses his screens

Owns a crop top that has a cat face on it that Ortho made for him

Actually wears it a lot, but nobody ever sees below his shoulders on his screens

Oh yeah, also constantly questioning his sexuality

Currently likes guys, but that might just be because he goes to an all-guys school

Ortho

Has tons of cat plushies in his room despite not needing to sleep

Also has a mini library in his room, but he memorized all of the books

Burns things with his hair

Also sews a lot

Spills tea about the dorm residents with Trey, Jamil and Lilia

Has a couple pictures from before he became a robot, but doesn’t remember taking them

Has a bulletin board where he hangs pictures of his friends and family

Actually takes photography classes from Cater

Doesn’t focus on sexuality, so he just goes with “Queer”

People assume he’s scared of water because of his fire hair, but he loves playing in pools

Once cosplayed as Alphonse Elric and Iida was Edward from FML

Has pictures of that as well

Diasomnia

Basically one big family

Even more-so than other dorms like Ignihyde

Has a vault of hard liquor that has been sitting there for centuries

Malleus

Responds to Tsunotaro

Smuggles hard liquor into Scarabia despite not being a drinker

Has a YouTube account where he visits old buildings

Floyd ruined his Ramshackle Dorm video by standing at the end of a hallway and laughing

Can turn into a Dragon

His horns aren’t sensitive

Lilia once hung Christmas lights from them and Malleus didn’t notice for the entire day

Sometimes Lilia jumps and pulls on Malleus’ horns when he’s being dumb

Polysexual, but leans towards men

When he looks surprised by something - he genuinely is surprised, not faking it for someone else

Doesn’t believe in hiding emotions

Is actually like 300 years old, but was frozen for a good amount of it

Also immortal and is stuck at being physically 18

Damn Fairy magic

Oh and he didn’t mind wearing Leona’s ceremonial robes that one time

They were comfy

Enjoys swapping clothes with Leona a lot

Also had a crown made of thorns that is uncomfortable to wear

He burned it, but hasn’t told anyone yet

Takes the term “mom friend” to another level

Just ask Silver

Lilia

Only calls Malleus “old man” to be a prick

Is like 500 years old

Has gone through high school many times

Can undo stitches in people’s clothing without them knowing until their clothing falls apart

Asexual Homoromantic

“Who needs sex when you can be a bitch?” - Lilia Vanrouge, 2020

Is Malleus’ royal advisor

Spills tea like crazy

Has catfished people

Is the cool dad

Sebek

Is a Malleus fanboy???

He named his horse Draco

I don’t have many Headcanons about Sebek actually

Probably drinks tea with Riddle sometimes

Oh and definitely a bottom

Is he Bi? Poly? Pan? No one knows

But he’s a power bottom

Silver

Doesn’t have a last name because he was raised by Lilia and Malleus

Is indebted to Malleus because of this

and Lilia too, but like I said, Lilia is the cool dad

(he is actually indebted to Malleus in canon, but idk if it’s for this reason or not)

just let him have two platonically gay dads that go to school with him

Once in a Diasomnia/Savanaclaw sleepover, he and Leona passed out on each other’s shoulders while Ruggie and Lilia took photos

The photos haven’t been seen in a while, but are still around somewhere

Actually has several photos of him falling asleep with his head in Lilia’s lap

His bed stretches across his entire wall, forming a bench almost

Owns a suit of armor

It has a sword

He can use the sword if needed

Can he just get a nap????

Because of his relationship with Malleus, seeing fireflies calms him down

Is this guy wholesome? Yes.

Is he a Bisexual top? Also yes.

Can’t make everything wholesome

Holy fuck my fingers hate me. If you managed to read this far, I hope you enjoyed my headcanons for Twisted Wonderland students and houses! I don’t know enough about the teachers to make headcanons for each them, but I do have one for the staff:

Sam and Dire Crowley

Married

This is the only reason Sam runs the school store

Sam is not qualified for anything else

But Dire loves him too much to fire him

Forget the wholesomeness between the Dorm heads and their Vices

This is the most wholesome pair

Okay seriously - I need to stop making these headcanons it’s midnight at my house. I’ve spent probably close to 13 hours (give or take with a lot of breaks) writing these down and doing research on characters just so that my headcanons don’t seem completely out of the blue. Also, don’t be afraid to post your own headcanons, even if canon doesn’t always support them. That’s the thing about fictional characters - they’re open to interpretation!

And now to the long list of tags....

[apenapaperandadoofus]

Can I request a MC taking Saeyoung to a cat cafe for a date?! I imagine he would want to go crazy with all the cats but they would all run and hide behind MC. hehehe

CATS CATS CAAAATSSSSS

That’s adorable hell yeah!

Warning: get ready for so many cat puns you’re litter-ally going to want to scream so bad lmao

Furmidable Date! (Saeyoung x MC)

It had been a while since you and Saeyoung had gone out. Recently you had been busy preparing for the party, and Saeyoung was spending more time with his twin!

So one day, when Saeran had gone out to hang out with Yoosung, and you and your boyfriend had the day off, you decided to surprise him.

He was sleeping in, even though it was almost 1pm, so you jumped on the bed and started kissing him all over his face.

“WAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUPPPPPPP” you yelled.

“Aghhhh....Not the kiss attack....It’s super effective....” Saeyoung grumbled, and slowly opened his eyes, looking up at you.

“Why’re you up so early?”

“Saeyoung it’s 1pm please.”

“Five more minutesssss” he groaned and turned around, hiding under his pillow.

“No sir! If you don’t get up right now, you won’t get to see my surprise!”

“S U R P R I S E?!” Saeyoung quickly stood up and smiled brightly. “You got a surprise for me?! Why didn’t you say so?! I’m up!”

You giggled and ruffled his hair. “Well mister, first I need you to take a shower, because we have to go out.”

“Sure thing cap’n!”

Saeyoung gave you a little salute and walked over to your bathroom, an excited bounce in his step.

You couldn’t stop smiling, you just couldn’t wait to see his reaction!

Now you only had to get ready, so you sneaked up to the bathroom and surprised poor Saeyoung (he grabbed you and dragged you to take a shower with him tho lmao)

******

“OH MY FREAKING GOD Y/N WHAT THE HECK?!” Saeyoung screamed and quickly walked over to the entrance of a big pink building.

“YOU BROUGHT ME TO A CAT CAFE?! A CAT. CAFE?!” He asked with wide eyes.

You giggled and nodded.

Saeyoung looked like a child who had just walked into a candy store, and he was about to go inside the building when he quickly turned around and hugged you tight, spinning you around, and giving you a big kiss.

“I WANT TO MARRY YOU HOLY SHIT!”

“Well with a surpurrise like this I’d like to marry me too.” You chuckled and Saeyoung rolled his eyes, but a wide smile took over his face.

And with that, he grabbed your hand and quickly brought you over to the cat cafe.

It was absolutely, fucking adorable.

There were cats everywhere, each a different breed and color. The waitress smiled, and guided you towards a table near a bunch of cats.

Before she could ask what you would both like to order, Saeyoung raised his hand.

“Can I go pet the cats?!” He asked, his face in a serious thin line, but his eyes full of...determination? You noticed that his leg was quickly bouncing up and down under the table.

The woman nervously smiled. “W-well yeah, it is a cat cafe so feel free to-”

She didn’t get to finish her sentence as Saeyoung bolted out of his seat and went over to the cats.

“LOVE ME” he screamed, and the cats....well they did not want to be with him lmao.

“Someone’s excited.” The waitress smirked.

You shyly smiled and nodded. “He adores cats. That’s the reason why I brought him here, actually!”

“Aw that’s wonderful! Oh hey, if you get attached to a cat feel free to adopt it! We mostly take in cats from shelters that don’t have enough space, or families that just can’t take care of them, so if you want to adopt one please tell us! They’re all sweethearts, so don’t be afraid to play with them!”

You gave a nervous smile. You weren’t really sure about a cat at home. With Saeyoung.

Yeah that would be a disaster.

But of course you didn’t tell the waitress that, you just nodded and ordered your food.

After the waitress had gone, you walked over to Saeyoung, who was currently trying to lure some cats out from under a table.

“Having fun tormenting the cats?” You teasingly asked, and Saeyoung groaned.

“I don’t get why they don’t want to come near me! Seriously, is my love too much for them? Or do they just have a thing against redheads?” He pouted.

You laughed and sat down next to him, making some clicking noise with your tongue, while extending your hand so the cats could come closer.

“Y/N trust me, that’s not going to work. I’ve tried.”

He was proven wrong however, when the four cats hiding from Saeyoung came out and rubbed themselves all against you, one of them laying near your foot, the other in your lap and the other two getting pet by you.

“I’m sorry Saeyoung, you were saying?” You mischievously smiled up at him.

Saeyoung glared at you and tried to grab one of the cats, but they hissed at him, and Saeyoung looked at them, hurt.

“Aw Saeyoung don’t make that face! I’m purr-eety sure they’re not doing it on pawpose.” You winked, and Saeyoung tried his best not to smile.

“Well my beautiful Y/N, I’m having the feline that these cats are being super judgemental. And I did not come here to be treated like this.” He glared at the cats, and you laughed.

“Aw , I’m sure one of them will come soon....maybe....”

“HEY!”

And so while you both waited for your food, you kept teasing Saeyoung about the cats.

It was great and you had never enjoyed teasing someone this much.

Once the food came, Saeyoung gloomily made his way to the table, and you accompanied him.

While you ate you looked up at him. He was actually pretty sad, from the looks of it, and you actually felt bad.

“Aw Saeyoung, I’m sorry. I brought you here to spend time with the cats and have some fun...but I don’t think you are....” you sighed.

Saeyoung quickly shook his head, and grabbed your hand from across the table.

“Nonsense! You drove me all the way here to give me a surprise! And it’s not your fault the cats don’t want to be with me, maybe they just have a feeling that I may be to extreme with them.” He smiled reassuringly at you, and you raised an eyebrow as if to ask ‘really?’ And he nodded.

After the both of you finished eating, you went to the bathroom for a bit, and when you came back you saw Saeyoung who was laying with an orange kitty on his lap.

“Y/N I got one, I don’t know how but I got one and I want to keep it.”

“You want to keep him?”

Saeyoung nodded.

“I’ve gotten attached to him and now I can’t let go. Y/N, I’m ready to be a cat dad, it’s something I’ve been preparing for my whole life, and I think the time has finally come.”

You sighed and walked over to Saeyoung, sitting down next to him and petting the cat, who began to purr even louder. Meanwhile Saeyoung looked at you with some puppy eyes, begging for you to please get the cat.

“Saeyoung, you can’t even take care of yourself, how do you expect to take care of a cat?” You seriously asked.

Saeyoung+cat= disaster.

You knew that Saeyoung would care for the kitty as if it was his baby, you knew that, but you also knew that Saeyoung sometimes acted like a baby, and that two babies in a house were a recipe for disaster. If you already had to clean up after some silly little mess Saeyoung made, imagine with a cat?!

But as you were about to point all of that out, you saw him smiling down at the kitty, his eyes full of joy, and you couldn’t help but sigh.

“Fine. You really want him?”

“Yupyupyup!” He excitedly nodded.

You smiled and stood up, walking over to talk to the waitress from before.

After talking for a bit, the waitress happily made all the arrangements for the cat!

She was also giving you all the stuff you might need, and she even gave you a little collar! But as she was about to pick the cat up to actually put it on it she nervously looked at you two and bit her lip.

“So um...you see, most cats around here come from shelters or families. Some of them arrive alone...and some of them in pairs. They normally don’t get too attached but this one...well this kitty came with his little brother, and they’re both inseparable. The other one can barely get around without him, and I’m afraid if you want to adopt this one you’re going to have to adopt the other one too...but it’s fine if you want another one! There’s always-”

“We want them both.” Saeyoung said. He looked up at you, with a serious expression, but he was also looking for your approval.

The waitress looked over to you and you nervously bit your lip.

Well....two cats wouldn’t hurt right? Besides, the lady said that the cats were really close...and you didn’t want to separate them.

Finally, you sighed and nodded. “Yes. We would want them both please.”

Saeyoung and the waitress both gave you a big smile, and she got the other kitten to bring it over to you.

When you were done you said your goodbyes and thanked the waitress for everything, and you sat on the car, both cats sleeping peacefully on your lap.

As Saeyoung drove he kept looking at them from the corner of his eye, and when you asked if anything was wrong he shook his head and smiled.

“It’s just....I’m sorry, I know you didn’t really want to take a cat home, and now here you are with two of them. And I knew I was asking for a lot when I asked you to adopt one...But...when that woman mentioned that it actually had a sibling that he couldn’t really be separated from...it reminded me of me and Saeran.” He gave a dry laugh and looked at you. “Probably sounds really stupid doesn’t it? Comparing me and my brother to some cats?”

You shook your head and caressed his cheek.

“It’s fine Saeyoung. Even though it will be a lot of work, I’m sure we can get the hang of it. And your reason for adopting them is completely fine, I’m sure both kittens are very happy that you choose them. Besides, how hard can taking care of two cats be?”

.....

It was actually really hard lmao.

First of all, one of the kittens was way to fucking energetic. He would get on the counters and try to look for food, making a mess. He would also rip the curtains and run around the house jumping everywhere.

Meanwhile, the other cat had actually gotten really attached to Saeran. Literally.

He would follow him around everywhere.

At first Saeran didn’t want anything to do with the cat. He would glare at him, and whenever he followed him to his room he’d kick him out.

But slowly...Saeran got attached to him. He even gave it a name!

Midnight. (Yup Saeran is edgy like that lmao.)

The other one was named by Saeyoung, who named it Circinus, after the Circinus Galaxy (And you were glad he named the cat that, because one time he told you that if he ever had a kid he would name it that, and you just got a huge load off your shoulders by suggesting to give the name to the cat.)

Also, get ready for so many cat pictures spam.

Jumin and Saeyoung will get into a full on war to try and find out who’s cat is cuter.

(Zen didn’t even know what to expect when he logged in the chatroom anymore the poor man.)

Even though taking care of the cats was hard, you both really enjoyed it!

They were like your kids, and you and Saeyoung spoiled them so much.

Going to the cat cafe would be something that the two of you would do daily, and Saeyoung loved taking pictures of the cats and showing off to Jumin (who actually now wanted to start a cat cafe business. Honestly it wasn’t such a bad idea, except you had to make sure he didn’t overwork Jaehee.)

And like that, your cat adventure begun! Saeyoung would forever be grateful that you took him to the cat cafe, and he made sure to spoil you too!

You loved waking up to your boyfriend, and your cat sleeping beside you, the curtains letting in a bit of sun.

And those moments, you would think that your life couldn’t get even more purr-fect.

(IM SORRY I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO END IT AND I HAD TOO, LMAO)

Also it’s currently 5am, did I get up to write this? Yes, yes I did (fuck sleep amirite?) 😌

Hope you enjoyed it! :P

[marithlizard]

First Impressions: RWBY v8c10, “Ultimatum”

How many ultimatums will be delivered and will anyone listen?

(Flashing-lights warning.   I hope this is the "there's no practical way to negate all possible risk so we're being cautious"  kind of warning, and not the "fuck you epileptics bring on the cool strobe effects"  kind. )

Ironwood, entirely alone.  I am reminded that Watts thought Plan Evil could seriously fail if he called on Vacuo for aid.  Could Vacuo seriously have gotten enough forces here in time to help?   Or was it sharing information and alliances, in itself, that would've been an effective defense?  We'll never know because that just isn't how Atlas rolls.

Those soldiers are terrified in that particular “our boss has been casually shooting underlings who disappoint him” way.

Why do you *care* about imprisoning Qrow and Robyn? They're no threat to you, you have a giant Grimm army destroying your kingdom, let them go fight it!  And his focus is on Qrow in particular.   ....Ah.  He must believe Qrow did kill Clover.

"Fuck you epileptics"  it is.  Why do studios do this?  I don't need fancy special effects if they're going to hurt other people, thanks.  

What WAS that???   Slowed down, it looks like....lightning struck the whale and it exploded? what?

The bomb hasn't gone off, there's Winter and the Ace Ops carrying it. oh no.

what?

green in there. Penny?

Are they dead?

It's...like a nuke. A nuke just detonated.

No. Not Penny.  That was Oz green magic.

Everyone can't be dead, we'd have no show.

Something glowing in the ruins.  Someone moving in the smoke, carrying the Lamp.  Neo?

She's *skipping merrily* with her umbrella and the lamp.  What the fuck.  What happened between her and Jinn?

So Winter and the Ace Ops are fine,  the whale is dead, we don't know about anyone inside. Okay. Oookay.

Watts sounds stunned, but only for a second until he pulls his armor together. "She'll come back."

*watching villain infighting with popcorn*

You know, I despise Watts, but it's impossible not to admire that ability to fast talk with melodramatic emoting while seconds from death.  "Presentation!", as Megamind would say.

...on the other hand,  there's a point where melodramatic fast talk stops convincing your subject and just pisses them off. And you have now passed it.  

"You can't just be deserving, you have to be worthy".  He really is a social Darwinist. And what is it he called her? A bloody what?

Oh, wow,  I 100% thought she was going to kill him.

Is she....crying????  Even Watts looks stunned.  And somewhat disbelieving to be alive.

JOYR are okay.  Oscar looks agonized, holding his head,  but quickly gets a grip on himself.  Merge? No merge?

...That's odd.  No one thought to stop and look for the Lamp in the ruins of the whale?  We know it's gone, but they don't know that.  Shouldn't recovering it be really damn important?

YAY FINALLY DISCUSSION and championing from Oscar. I figured Ren would be the one to notice.  And oof, Oz was taking the brunt of the torture after all, without taking control?  Regardless, I'm very relieved that he's still around.

The cane stored kinetic energy? From all the lifetimes he spent carrying it, moving around with it?  That's kind of neat.  Doesn't particularly make sense, but it doesn't have to, it's magic.  

Emerald could've run away while they were stopped to talk about Oz. No one was looking at her. But she didn't move or even lower her hands.  Listening and thinking. Despite what she says, she wants to join the heroes.

Citizens packed into subway tunnels but not allowed to occupy most of the space, lined up in bleachers on the sides under guard.  That doesn't look remotely practical or  sustainable, but it sure looks very military.  (Seriously.  At least a quarter of those people really need to go to the bathroom right now.  Babies need diaper changes.  Children should be having screaming meltdowns.   The writers handwave a lot more than they should sometimes.  )

The whale is gone, but what about all the other Grimm?  Shouldn't they be attacking the tunnels? This is far more of a negative-emotions draw than Mantle, pre-or-post election.

Ironwood why do you have to be SO DUMB.  You ought to know damn well who blew up that whale (perhaps that's why you dropped the subject so abruptly).  And you certainly ought to know Watts "betrayed" you, because you never should've let him near technology to begin with.  Or thought that beating him up would get him to help you.

Still on with the raise-Atlas idea, I see.  It's the only one you have.

What is you thought needed to be done with Qrow,  Ironwood?  He holds no power beyond skill as a Huntsman, no leverage to help you reach your goals.   Is there a plan here, or just nonsensical personal vengeance?   You didn't even care about Clover enough to justify that level of investment in revenge, he was just an operative.  

Ohhh, he does think Qrow has leverage over Penny.  I suppose it's true too, through Ruby.  But it's still a dumb plan.  And Winter isn't on board with it in the slightest. She needs to get the hell out of there.

Harriet, you backstabber.  That isn't even remotely accurate. Is that going to pay off for you, Bree, sending your homicidally unhinged CO into an even greater rage?  Now you'll get to be the leader of the Ace Ops, so I guess so.

...ships?  Allies?  Cavalry, now?  Oh, the evacuation dropships!  Ugh, he's going to order them shot down isn't he. He’s just spotted his point of leverage.  Someone get this man a white cat to pet while he sits at his desk.

NEO I LOVE YOU

Oho!  Did she not ask a question, after all the fan debate over whether or not she can?   She certainly could have - no one will know until Jinn is summoned again.    And the Lamp is still a powerful bargaining chip either way.

Aww Oscar was offering to hug Ruby there for a moment.  See, Nora, that's what someone who actually wants hugs looks like.

Ah, fuck, Ironwood's going to straight up threaten to massacre everyone in Mantle.  Winter, Marrow, your time to defect is NOW.

"If there is no Mantle then there is no reason for you  not to work with me" uh yeah, buddy, no one but you thinks it works like that.

Only one ultimatum, but it was certainly a doozy.  (EDIT:  Well, maybe two. Does Neo’s count? She didn’t make any threats.) 

Well! I did like the episode, though I continue to be greatly annoyed at the lack of any lines or screen time for my favorite characters. I’d never have expected Salem and the whale to be wiped out mid-season just like that.  A lot of people are going to call it bad writing, but I think it’s very much in line with how these writers like to subvert traditional story structure.  It would be awful writing if Salem were destroyed this way, but they took pains last episode to show us that isn’t the case. 

(How long will it take Salem to revive?  Hazel said a few hours at most, when he killed her.  Ozma’s magic blew her into atoms and that will probably take significantly longer. But I’m sure she’ll be Voldemorting her way back by the end of this volume.) 

[staircasttext]

Ep 19: Beaver Tales

Episode 19

[intro music]

PAZ: Hi everyone, welcome back to Stairway to StarClan, a Warriors Cat reread pawdcast. I'm Paz.

JULIAN: I'm Julian.

LIZ: And I'm Liz.

PAZ: And we're back again this week with chapters seven to 10 of Forest of Secrets. I almost said Fire and Ice. No, we're done with that. Kind of a lot of in camp activities these chapters, I would say.

JULIAN: Yeah, some tightly focused drama.

PAZ: Yeah. I don't know anything, any pressing pre-summary thoughts, or should we just go into it?

LIZ: Let's just hop right in.

PAZ: Okay. Chapter seven. After Bluestar dismisses Fireheart, he bumps into Cinderpaw on her way to find herbs for Yellowfang and accompanies her. On the way out, they see Cloudkit and the other kits taunting Brokentail. Fireheart is conflicted and angry, and snatches Cloudkit away from Brokentail, telling the other kits to go back to the nursery. Darkstripe calls Fireheart a kittypet again, and Fireheart explains to Cloudkit what that means. He also tells Cloudkit that they were both kittypets, which shocks Cloudkit. Cloudkit vows to become a good warrior anyway, and Fireheart reminds him about being honorable.

Cinderpaw checks on Brokentail and Darkstripe returns into the den. Fireheart and Cinderpaw let Cloudkit come with them to find herbs, and she teaches Cloudkit a bit of what she's learned about foraging. While they talk about Cloudkit's future, Cloudkit eats some-- doesn't eat. That'd be bad if he. Cloudkit almost eats some poisonous berries before Cinderpaw stops him. Cloudkit, dead. He's dead now.

LIZ: Dead in Miami.

PAZ: Dead in chapter seven of Forest of Secrets. No, that didn't happen. He takes her warning seriously. Afterwards, Cinderpaw wonders what her future will be like, feeling uncertain and pained, and Fireheart encourages her to talk to Bluestar. He thinks briefly about Bluestar's reaction to Graypool's story again, and thinks to himself that it's beyond his understanding.

Chapter eight. Fireheart has a disturbing dream about kits suckling from a faceless grey queen, who then disappears. Spottedleaf appears, sheltering the kits, and the dream ends. When he wakes up, he thinks about Graypool's story again, noticing that Graystripe is also missing, seeing Silverstream, of course. He and Sandstorm decide to go hunting, taking poor Brackenpaw with them since Graystripe has forgotten about him again. Brackenpaw catches a bird, but they suddenly hear the sound of a kit in danger. They find a badger menacing Cloudkit and manage to chase it off. They wonder about how strange it was for a badger to be out in daytime. Cloudkit is returned safely to Brindleface, but Tigerclaw punishes him for wasting everyone's time, though isn't Cloudkit's fault. His punishment is to clean up for the elders.

Meanwhile, Yellowfang has taken Brokentail outside to talk about newleaf, while Darkstripe and Longtail act as guards. She's very gentle and motherly, but Brokentail doesn't respond. Fireheart watches sadly, thinking of mothers and kits, and then Mistyfoot and Stonefur again.

Chapter nine. While Cinderpaw tends to Brackenpaw's wounds from attacking the badger, Fireheart checks in on Cloudkit and helps him with tending to the elders. Fireheart tells him about having to tend to Yellowfang's ticks, her ass ticks, when he was younger, which cheers Cloudkit up.

Later, Fireheart sees Tigerclaw sneaking out of camp, so he decides to follow him. He notices Tigerclaw is getting close to Twolegplace, wondering if he's trying to track down Princess to hurt her. Fireheart also happens to catch a mouse on the way, which gives him an alibi for hunting, when he literally bumps into Tigerclaw soon after.

When Tigerclaw returns to camp, Fireheart checks around Twolegplace, where he smells that a lot of strange, unknown cats have been around in addition to Tigerclaw. He also meets with Princess briefly, and he tells her about how well Cloudkit is growing up, promising to bring him to see her in newleaf. On the way back to camp, he sees that newleaf's thaw has started.

Chapter 10. Fireheart tells Bluestar about the strange cat scents, and she says she'll send patrols out, thinking they might be rogues from Twolegplace. Two days later, newleaf has truly arrived, and there's plenty of food to hunt. Fireheart is pleased to see Cloudkit continuing to tend to the elders, even after his punishment has ended. Tigerclaw tells Fireheart to patrol the RiverClan border and renew the scent markings, and Fireheart realizes Tigerclaw is too clever to be hostile to him in public. He takes some other warriors with him, including Sandstorm and Graystripe, who is the most excited in case he sees Silverstream. However, they don't smell any RiverClan cats at all. The river has overflowed from the thaw, flooding Sunningrocks. And that's the end of the readings this week. What? Does anybody want to say anything?

JULIAN: Sorry, I was on the Wikipedia page for badgers again. Just for when we get to it.

PAZ: The Wikipedia page or like the Warriors wiki page?

JULIAN: No, the regular Wikipedia page.

PAZ: Oh, okay.

JULIAN: I was not on the Warriors wiki page, although I'm sure that's a rich vein.

LIZ: Oh, I'll check.

PAZ: No, don't. There's spoilers. Don't check.

LIZ: I'll just read the first sentence, how about that. There's only the first sentence and then the contents, like table of contents. They do have a picture of a real badger on there.

PAZ: That's beautiful.

LIZ: Not an illustrated one. "Badgers are thickset medium-sized animals with huge muscles and beady eyes that are mainly active at night, and are enemies to cats in the Warriors series." There you go.

JULIAN: Hot damn.

PAZ: Huge muscles.

JULIAN: The thing that I was reading on the actual Wikipedia page for badgers is that apparently they're usually pretty chill, unless they're cornered.

PAZ: Yeah, I thought so.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's saying that they often live alongside and will share their burrows with red foxes.

LIZ: Ooh.

PAZ: Wow.

JULIAN: "Foxes provide badgers with food scraps, and badgers maintain the shared burrows' cleanliness."

LIZ: Roommates.

PAZ: Wow, love is real.

JULIAN: "Although sometimes this can go wrong, and cases are known of badgers driving vixens from their dens and destroying their litters."

PAZ: [gasp]

LIZ: [gasp] Oh.

JULIAN: "In return, red foxes are known to have killed badger cubs in spring."

LIZ: Roommates to enemies.

PAZ: Roommates to enemies.

JULIAN: Sometimes your roommate situation goes south.

PAZ: Yeah, it can be like that with roommates. Yeah, I'm like, I thought badgers were fairly chill. They're not like wolverines.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: No, they're pretty chill unless you corner them. And that's not what happened here.

PAZ: Maybe this badger has rabies. That was my first thought when it was like, it's out in the daytime.

JULIAN: Oh, that's possible.

PAZ: I was like, does this badger have rabies? Is Brackenpaw gonna get rabies?

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: He hasn't had his shots.

PAZ: Exactly. He hasn't had his rabies shots.

LIZ: This is why Fireheart is like the chosen one, or whatever.

PAZ: Speaking of Brackenpaw, poor Brackenpaw.

JULIAN: God.

LIZ: Poor little guy.

JULIAN: Fuckin, Graystripe, do your job. Do your job.

LIZ: How often does he have to see his girlfriend?

PAZ: Every hour of every day, apparently.

JULIAN: Like I get it. They don't have Skype. They can't write each other letters or like text or whatever. But like, you gotta deal.

LIZ: Make a schedule.

PAZ: Just go out at night, or something.

JULIAN: Have a weekly date night. And then be normal.

PAZ: I'm glad that the text pointed out that Graystripe sucks and is a bad teacher again because he is.

LIZ: Poor Brackenpaw.

JULIAN: Well, and it's having serious impacts on-- yeah. It's having serious impacts on Brackenpaw's like emotional health. He's really unsure of himself. And like, even when he did a really good job fighting off the badger, he's like, oh no, I'm sure it wasn't that-- like I didn't do that good.

LIZ: Brackenpaw is very cool. He caught a bird out of the air and then was very self-conscious about that.

PAZ: Yeah, he did a double-jump.

LIZ: Yeah. Where'd he learn that? Not Graystripe.

PAZ: Hell no. Graystripe wouldn't fight a badger. Graystripe would just leave.

JULIAN: Graystripe would leave the badger for someone else to deal with.

LIZ: There's that part where like Brackenpaw's like, oh, all the other apprentices are so much younger, but they're gonna be warriors before me.

PAZ: I know.

JULIAN: Also, like, Graystripe, do your job. Also Bluestar do your job.

PAZ: Bluestar... horrible leader.

JULIAN: Or-- not to be like, Tigerclaw should get in here. But like, if he's going to be aggressive and mean, maybe he should be aggressive and mean about the actual problems.

LIZ: He should just ground Graystripe for like a month.

JULIAN: Graystripe can deal with the elders' ticks.

PAZ: Okay, like, not to be like Tigerclaw's right again. But him giving Cloudkit a little like, oh, take care of the elders punishment seemed to work. Cloudkit gained some emotional maturity from that, so.

JULIAN: Yeah, I do have a note that's like his reasoning sucks, but this is good for Cloudkit.

PAZ: Yeah, Cloudkit needed that.

JULIAN: Also like, it integrates him better with the clan. Again, worst person you know made a great point.

LIZ: It's very funny. He just became like a mean teacher for a second. It's like, this is the 90s movie where Cloudkit is like the rowdy new transfer. Tigerclaw's like his mean math teacher or something, and he gives him extra homework. It makes his math better. I don't know. Is that how the movies go? Math, right? Math.

PAZ: Yeah. Uh-huh.

JULIAN: I didn't have a TV, so.

PAZ: Sure.

JULIAN: Yes?

LIZ: Well, I've never seen a movie, so we are equal here.

PAZ: I think we jumped around a little bit though. I guess we can--

JULIAN: We did. We jumped straight to chapter eight.

PAZ: I forgot when that happened. For some reason I thought Brackenpaw being abandoned started in chapter seven, but it is not. It's Cinderpaw.

LIZ: Just start, in my mind, poor guy.

JULIAN: Oh, Cinderpaw.

PAZ: Once again, Cinderpaw seems to be doing just fine. But Fireheart's manpain, like internal narrative is terrible. Be quiet.

JULIAN: There is a line about how he's not in the mood for sharing tongues with his friends, which I know we've covered this before. I will never get used to sharing tongues.

LIZ: Why isn't it just called cleaning?

JULIAN: Grooming.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Well...

LIZ: There's a word for it. You got it.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't know. I don't know who decided that would be the term for it.

LIZ: Also, since we did like start out with, you know, seeing how like, we got to see how Brackenpaw felt about his situation, it's kind of like an capital-I Interesting contrast to see that in like Cinderpaw, cause we don't really get to see much of that, just kind of like Fireheart's man pain.

PAZ: I mean, she does like voice her feelings in this part, where she's like, I don't really know what I'm doing because we only have three jobs in our society. And no one's told me now what I should do.

LIZ: I guess it's like the way it cycles back to Fireheart, which...

PAZ: Yeah, that's true.

JULIAN: Yeah, the framing is very like Fireheart-centric, in a way that I wish it were not.

PAZ: Yeah, I agree.

JULIAN: God, it is like, he's so close, because there's one point where-- let me find the portion. Yeah. "Cinderpaw was brave and intelligent, and before her accident, she had shown endless energy and commitment to the clan. Surely that couldn't all be thrown away." Yeah, Fireheart, surely it couldn't. Like he's soooooo close. And yet so far away.

LIZ: My guy.

JULIAN: Like I'm glad she's found something that she can do, but blehhhhh.

LIZ: She was given one option by one person.

JULIAN: Well, and it's also in the like bit with the deathberries, um, like she does move very quickly when required. When the plot requires her to be able to move quickly, she sure can.

PAZ: Yeah, it's almost like she could hunt and stuff fine if anyone would just let her, or do anything else.

JULIAN: It's like right after he sees that that Fireheart is like, damn. Too bad she's helpless.

PAZ: Yeah, speaking of helplessness-- disability framed as helplessness, all this stuff with Brokentail at the start of chapter seven is also like what the hell.

LIZ: Ooh. Yikes.

JULIAN: It's so fucked.

LIZ: It's fucked.

PAZ: It frames him as completely helpless. I'm like, all he is is blind. He didn't like...

LIZ: He's still like an adult cat.

JULIAN: Right, he still has claws and like teeth. I fully expected him to kill one of the kits.

PAZ: He's just barely reacted. It's so weird.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's also just like, you know, I'm glad that Fireheart like takes Cloudkit aside and is like, Hey, don't do that.

LIZ: Yeah, it's fucking shitty. Don't do it.

JULIAN: But yeah, the fact that like-- and you know, it is framed as like a fucked up thing that the kits have done to like be taunting their prisoner, their disabled prisoner, but oooh! Yeesh.

PAZ: Yeah, it's like, it's one thing to like-- there was sort of a part where like Darkstripe like threatened Brokentail when like he almost clawed them, but like it wasn't really being framed as like, he's not doing it because he'll get, like, beat up by the guard. It was like-- he just barely reacted. And it was like, oh he couldn't track where the kits were. I'm like, he still has ears. He still has whiskers.

JULIAN: He has ears and whiskers and like scent.

LIZ: That's mostly what they hunt with anyway. It's not like they use their incredible bird's eye view to hunt the mouse.

JULIAN: Yeah, all the descriptions of hunting are like, oh, they hear the mouse rustling in the grass. Like they can't see the mouse.

PAZ: It's so weird.

LIZ: I mean, like we know why it's like this, and it's because the author didn't put the work into it to like-- just thinks this is the only way you can write your disabled character.

JULIAN: Yeah, I guess it really is sort of one finger curls on the monkey's paw. We were like, oh, I wish there were another disabled character besides Cinderpaw.

PAZ: Mm.

JULIAN: And we got one, and...

PAZ: Somehow worse.

JULIAN: He literally has Broken in the name.

PAZ: Yeah, but that scene-- oh, go ahead.

JULIAN: And then Fireheart gets-- oh sorry, I was gonna say, and then Fireheart gets to explain racism to Cloudkit.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: He literally says we have to work twice as hard. Oh my God.

JULIAN: Head in my hands.

PAZ: It's a kids book so I'll let it pass, but it is very funny.

LIZ: When's Cloudkit gonna have his lunchbox moment?

JULIAN: Oh God.

PAZ: He has his little catnip mouse. All the warriors are like, ew, what's that?

LIZ: Fuck.

JULIAN: Oh, God.

PAZ: Princess gives him some Temptations to take back to camp.

JULIAN: To bring home to them. To all his friends.

LIZ: And when all his friends are like, you know, in college, they're gonna be going to all the overpriced fusion Temptations bars.

PAZ: Oh god.

JULIAN: All the catnip lounges.

LIZ: Terrible.

JULIAN: Also, not only is Fireheart explaining racism to Cloudkit, but he's also telling Cloudkit that he's adopted, which is a lot.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean to be fair, Fireheart thought that he already knew.

JULIAN: Which is also, how did he not know?

PAZ: I don't know. I guess he just never like brought it up with Brindleface.

JULIAN: But they were all teasing him for being a kittypet.

PAZ: Were they?

LIZ: Maybe.

JULIAN: I think so.

PAZ: I don't know if they ever did it to his face.

JULIAN: I guess it was mostly like-- yeah.

PAZ: Well, he said like, so that's why everyone hates me but I don't know if anyone ever called him a kittypet like to his face.

JULIAN: Yeah, no, I think you're right. Damn.

PAZ: I do love that Cloudkit says, "'so that's why the other cats hate me,' he spat. 'They think I'll never be any good because I wasn't born in this dump of a forest.'"

LIZ: Get 'em.

PAZ: So good. Get 'em.

LIZ: I love his like immediate turnaround like fuck this house. None of you are my dad.

PAZ: He's such a funny child.

JULIAN: There's a bit later where when Fireheart meets with Princess, he's like, yeah, your son's doing great. Um, and then mentally he's like, yeah, and he's spoiled and like nosy. But I do love him.

PAZ: He's very fun.

LIZ: Just a little rowdy boy.

PAZ: Yeah, he's a little brat rowdy boy.

LIZ: He's definitely like a season two protagonist.

JULIAN: Mm, mm-hmm.

LIZ: Know what I mean?

PAZ: Yeah? You think, second series?

LIZ: Mm-hmm. It's like, no, it's not about the power of friendship anymore. It's about the power of me winning the sports game, except it is friendship, but I have to get through a couple of my own walls first, because of--

JULIAN: What sport do you think the cats will be inventing?

LIZ: What's a good one for them to play? Soccer. There you go.

PAZ: Yeah, they would love to bat a little ball around.

JULIAN: Or like a sort of--

LIZ: A moss ball.

JULIAN: I was gonna say, sort of a, like, Maya toss ball situation, where you have to get the ball into the hoop.

LIZ: They can have one more job then. It's hoop maker.

JULIAN: Hoop maker and athlete.

PAZ: Wow.

JULIAN: Two more jobs. Three more jobs if they need referees.

PAZ: Wow. They can do like, like inter clan sports competitions, and that'll get all the bloodlust out when they just, you know, they play sports.

JULIAN: What if the cats have football riots though?

LIZ: They would. They will. It's terrible. Who's England in this situation?

JULIAN: ThunderClan, right?

LIZ: Yeah. Boo.

PAZ: Has to be.

JULIAN: Like, thinks they're good, has done many crimes.

PAZ: Exactly.

JULIAN: Although I guess ShadowClan is like the most obviously expansionist, so.

PAZ: They're all England.

LIZ: Ugh.

JULIAN: Maybe ThunderClan is like Germany

LIZ: They'll also probably need more like medics. So that's not a new job, but it is like expanding it.

PAZ: Yeah, more than two doctors.

LIZ: Oh, what a luxury.

JULIAN: More than one and a half doctors.

PAZ: Speaking of the doctors, it's very like stupid that Cinderpaw's like, oh I don't know what I'll do. And it's like, you're acting as the medicine cat. Throughout all these chapters, you were just a second doctor. And Fireheart's also like, I have no idea. Oh, you'll have to talk to Bluestar.

LIZ: Assigned doctor.

PAZ: I bet Yellowfang's gonna be like, um, I thought you were already my apprentice like three weeks ago.

LIZ: Well, did she ask?

PAZ: I guess, I don't know. It's just like--

LIZ: Listen, these cats are pretty dense.

JULIAN: Yellowfang seems like the kind of character who doesn't ask for things but sort of tries to trick people into doing nice things for them. She's like, oh, uh, oh, whoops, I made all this soup. You have to eat it or it'll go to waste.

LIZ: Tricks you into a paying job.

JULIAN: Yeah, Cinderpaw has a little moment where she's like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna have to move out of Yellowfang's den. And it's like, will you? I don't think you will. Has she asked you to?

LIZ: She probably already made you a room.

PAZ: Yeah, I'm pretty sure she has a bed there. I mean not just like her, like recovering bed.

JULIAN: Yellowfang like carefully decorating the walls while Cinderpaw's out.

LIZ: Yellowfang makes her a Welcome Home Temptations cake with a little ribbon.

PAZ: Cinderpaw also says, "ever since I was a tiny kit I wanted to be like Bluestar," and I'm like, no you don't.

LIZ: No. I mean she probably did.

JULIAN: Yeah, that's the lie of being a girlboss.

PAZ: I think you're better off.

JULIAN: Yeah, it seems like Bluestar isn't doing so hot.

LIZ: The part where Fireheart tells her like, oh, Bluestar will know what to do.

PAZ: I know. I was like, I don't think so.

JULIAN: When has Bluestar ever known what to do?

LIZ: For like five chapters in the first book.

PAZ: Yeah, and in like the beginning of book two with WindClan. And then it was kinda over.

LIZ: I don't know what's happening lately. Maybe she got taken over by the ghost of a cat that's not good at being...

JULIAN: Speaking of Yellowfang, the scenes with her and Brokentail are so sad.

PAZ: Like her being like, she's being motherly to him, and him just like, absolutely not responding. Of course he doesn't know that she's his mom.

JULIAN: Right. Woof.

LIZ: [sighs]

PAZ: Drama.

LIZ: There's a part where it says like, she makes like little mom noises at him.

PAZ: Yeah, I was in tears.

JULIAN: Or like, she was like grooming him, and like he does not even move.

LIZ: Aw.

JULIAN: Yellowfang, it's okay. You have so many other children.

PAZ: I know. This kid sucks.

JULIAN: You have so many children who don't suck.

PAZ: I guess we didn't really talk about that prophecy dream Fireheart had, but it wasn't really that interesting.

JULIAN: Yeah, it didn't really tell us anything that we don't already know.

PAZ: Yeah, it was just Spottedleaf being like Fireheart, you idiot. You know who those kits are.

LIZ: Who's that gray cat?

PAZ: I don't know.

LIZ: Well, there are so many gray cats, just.

PAZ: It's true.

LIZ: Like there's definitely more than-- like I knew about them, but it just seems more pointed out now for some reason. Is that just me? Like, it talks about how Cinderpelt is-- sorry, Cinderpaw. I know what happens later, name-wise. How she's gray. We already know Graystripe's gray. There's Graypool, there's Silverstream, there's that other guy. There's Yellowfang?

JULIAN: Stonefur?

PAZ: No, Yellowfang has black fur, I think.

JULIAN: Or like dark brown.

LIZ: Dark brown?

PAZ: Yeah. Persian cat.

JULIAN: Yeah, it does feel like they're like, hey, look, like all these gray cats. Parallels.

LIZ: It's cause there's no black and white.

PAZ: Was Oakheart gray too? How many fucking gray cats were there?

LIZ: Lots.

JULIAN: [typing] Oakheart Warriors wiki. He was... uh, no. He was reddish-brown.

PAZ: Well.

LIZ: That's a lot more uncommon, I think, like a reddish brown cat that isn't like a tabby or something. Like you ever see a brown cat? Like a brown brown cat?

JULIAN: I have, but it's definitely, like--

PAZ: Just pure brown? Yeah, those are a--

JULIAN: A weird-looking color.

PAZ: Those kinds of cats always look really smooth. It's probably a breed, that kind I'm thinking of.

LIZ: They look like just little like wild cats.

JULIAN: Oh, it's a Havana Brown.

LIZ: Hmm.

PAZ: We already talked about Brackenpaw being abandoned. The badger, of course,

LIZ: I don't know, does he become more prominent later?

PAZ: Brackenpaw?

JULIAN: Who?

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: I cannot-- I literally cannot remember.

JULIAN: Yeah, I also super do not remember.

LIZ: Is there like, I don't know, like, just like a fanfiction that's like a day in the life of Brackenpaw? What's he do? Poor guy.

PAZ: I feel like maybe I remember this scene.

JULIAN: I don't see anything like super big that he does later, but.

LIZ: Aw. Okay, new Patreon goal. Listen, if we get to $420. I don't know what'll happen.

PAZ: Oh. Sorry, I'm just reading something. I forgot who he mentored.

JULIAN: There is a nice little sentence here, first paragraph. "He was apprenticed early with the name Brackenpaw, mentored by Graystripe. However, Graystripe neglected his duties." Hell yeah he did.

LIZ: Bitch.

PAZ: "And Brackenpaw's training was mostly completed by Fireheart." Uh-huh.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yep.

PAZ: That's right.

LIZ: It's definitely more apparent in these chapters like that the other cats are picking up the slack, too, which is nice, but.

JULIAN: Yeah, Whitestorm and the other guy are like, yeah, we're gonna take all the cats out, all the apprentices out for a hunt.

PAZ: School field trip.

LIZ: But is it like-- does it feel like, oh, I'm like a sixth grader, and these are all first graders?

PAZ: Yeah, that seems to be the vibe because Brackenpaw's like really upset about it.

LIZ: He can't talk about Fortnite with them. They're too young.

JULIAN: Oh shit, new pixel art of Graystripe just dropped.

PAZ: Oh shit.

LIZ: What?

JULIAN: I think this is new. I don't remember seeing this. He's all fluffy in this pixel art. From the Warriors wiki.

LIZ: Whoa.

PAZ: Whoa. Why's he so dark?

JULIAN: I know, right?

LIZ: No, it's because he's wet from being in Riverclan all the time.

PAZ: Of course.

LIZ: [snickers]

PAZ: What? Got that trap neuter return ear?

LIZ: I was just gonna say that. What happened to you, Graystripe?

PAZ: Maybe if his balls got cut off that would solve a lot of problems.

JULIAN: God.

LIZ: I think he'd still be a bitch. He didn't have a girlfriend when he was like, mm, I don't know about this Tigerclaw being a murder thing

PAZ: God, I can't get over that. I mean, there's a badger scene. There's Cloudkit getting his punishment.

LIZ: What is the level of sentience that badgers have here?

PAZ: I don't know.

JULIAN: Well. I mean, there's some stuff later. But I don't know about badgers in general.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't know if all badgers are sentient or not.

LIZ: Okay, well, the way you guys said that made me think there's like a special badger.

PAZ: No comment.

LIZ: Hmm.

JULIAN: I really love how much of this description is clearly copied from Wikipedia or like an encyclopedia article about badgers. I don't think that it's been revealed anywhere in the Warrior books that male and female badgers generally have the same head-body length falling between 56 and 90 centimeters.

LIZ: God bless.

JULIAN: I just don't think the cats are thinking in centimeters.

LIZ: Oh, they use inches?

JULIAN: Oh, there's a source for all this. Oh, it's revealed on animaldiversity.ummz.umich.edu. Yep.

PAZ: Of course.

JULIAN: I do love that they continue to use the revealed language for...

PAZ: It's so funny. I was reading about the supposed Warriors film and it was of course, all revealed on variety.com.

LIZ: Variety?

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: I see.

JULIAN: Oh, this badger looks so cute. There's a badger art from the badger from Secrets of the Clans, which is one of the Warrior guidebooks, and it has--

PAZ: Oh my gosh.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: The roundest, softest face.

PAZ: Oh my god, I'm in tears.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: This badger looks like the picture of the cat who's been photoshopped to be crying.

LIZ: What has this badger seen?

JULIAN: Also, that's not a Eurasian badger. That's an American badger.

PAZ: Yeah, that is definitely not.

JULIAN: That's the wrong species.

LIZ: What the fuck's a Eurasian badger look like?

JULIAN: It's got the long--

PAZ: It's the classic like black and white striped one, right?

JULIAN: Yeah, so like if you look at the picture at the top of the wiki article, it's a badger with a much longer face with stripes that go all the way down. And that's a Eurasian badger, and the American badger has a much rounder babier looking face.

LIZ: What a sad looking little guy. What have you seen? Do you think the American badger's looking over at like England or whatever with its incredible Hawkeye vision like, oh, that poor little Brackenpaw. If it was me, I wouldn't have attacked a little baby kitten. Oh, those poor cats.

JULIAN: Oh, I'm sorry. I know we got to move off of the Wikipedia page, but I found an amazing picture of an American badger.

PAZ: Please.

LIZ: We'll post these badger pictures on the Twitter. Don't you guys worry.

PAZ: If we remember. Oh my god.

JULIAN: Look at that lad!

LIZ: Oh my God. Oh my god.

PAZ: Holy shit.

LIZ: This looks fake.

PAZ: This looks like they stretched the jpeg.

JULIAN: It's on illinois.gov.

LIZ: What?

JULIAN: It's on the Department of Natural Resources.

PAZ: [wheezing] What is-- what--

LIZ: Chunky.

PAZ: What's wrong with its head?

JULIAN: I mean, they fucking, they all look like this.

LIZ: Nothing. It's perfect.

JULIAN: Here's from the Encyclopedia Britannica.

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: I didn't know they looked like this.

JULIAN: Look at him. There he goes, trot, trot.

LIZ: His powerful stance.

PAZ: They're so wide. I can't. They look like potatoes.

JULIAN: Absolute legend.

LIZ: That's how they make those tunnels. They just like wiggle.

JULIAN: Here's a European badger, just to like for comparison. We can-- I'm putting all these images in the chat so we can tweet them later. Just a long boy. Just a looong slinky boy.

PAZ: Yeah, that's a much less wide, wide lad.

LIZ: Very classic.

PAZ: Still very round nose.

JULIAN: Oh, here's one running.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Thank you Shutterstock. Thank you Shutterstock. Thank you whichever photographer hid out in a wild, in like a lane somewhere in England.

PAZ: Oh my god. Look at it go.

JULIAN: To catch this lad.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: It looks like--

LIZ: He go.

PAZ: You know the like boom mic on TVs that they--

LIZ: Yes.

PAZ: It looks like one of those.

JULIAN: Oh, I love him.

LIZ: What's that thing you keep telling me to get for my mic?

PAZ: Oh, a pop filter?

LIZ: Yeah. He looks like a pop filter.

JULIAN: I'm also seeing an image that says, it's a infographic about the differences between the European badger and American badger, but [laughing] the European badger is clearly a beaver.

LIZ: Wait.

JULIAN: Like, could not more clearly be a beaver.

PAZ: What?

LIZ: Wait a minute. Is this just a little nature joke? Little humor?

JULIAN: No, this is a whole... everything you need to know.

LIZ: Oh dear.

PAZ: Well, the first thing you need to know is that's not the European badger.

JULIAN: That's not a fucking badger. Oh, I know that this is clearly a content farm and someone just did a bad job. But this is a beaver. This is a beaver.

LIZ: This looks like a meme.

JULIAN: They do have it correct that none of these are good pets.

PAZ: No.

LIZ: True. God, look at that guy go. I can't stop looking at it. It's just running. Where's he going?

JULIAN: He has important business.

LIZ: Gotta go attack a baby. Heard that baby's an atheist.

PAZ: That's why the badger went for it.

JULIAN: The badger's here to enforce, uh. Oh, I'm sorry, I can't get over the beaver.

PAZ: Okay, we gotta move on.

LIZ: It's a badger.

JULIAN: We gotta move on. We gotta move on.

LIZ: A European badger.

PAZ: Cloudkit got attacked by a beaver.

LIZ: Just turns around and like, waps you.

JULIAN: Oh. Alright, what else happened in these chapters?

PAZ: I guess the next thing we didn't talk about, um, I mean we talked a little about... I guess Fireheart and Cloudkit have another little bonding scene getting the moss.

JULIAN: Yeah, that was cute. And then Tigerclaw's up to some shit again.

PAZ: Of course. Yeah, Tigerclaw going to Twolegplace to do nefarious things. There was a point where his pawprints were described as massive, which was extremely funny to me.

JULIAN: I love the image of Tigerclaw's just enormous big ol beans.

PAZ: Huge beans.

LIZ: Big ol beans compared to cats, though. How big could they be?

PAZ: Well, have you ever seen a cat with real, real big paw to body ratio? That's what I'm imagining. Like he's a big cat but his paws are even bigger.

LIZ: Yeah, but he could still fit in like...

PAZ: What if Tigerclaw's like a polydactyl? Is that what they're called?

LIZ: Oh, absolutely.

JULIAN: [gasps] Yes.

PAZ: Multiple toes.

LIZ: He's got thumbs so that's why he can commit all his crimes.

PAZ: It all makes sense.

LIZ: All dexterity. How did Tigerclaw kill all those other cats? He's got a gun.

PAZ: Holy shit.

JULIAN: I mean, he has been hanging out with all these back alley cats that smell like trash.

LIZ: These city cats.

JULIAN: This is how guns enter the rural English countryside.

PAZ: I love that Fireheart just keeps collecting evidence that Tigerclaw's evil, and he just can't do anything about it because Bluestar is useless.

LIZ: I just can't believe that in these chapters, there's that part specifically where he says Bluestar will know what to do.

PAZ: [snorts]

JULIAN: Right, it's like last-- well, I mean, I feel like he still thinks it's his fault, that he like didn't frame it right last time. Which is very sad.

PAZ: Yeah, but like, he tried to tell her twice. And each time she's been like, no,

LIZ: But it's definitely like being set up for that, right? Because this is very like his own perspective and it's gonna be a dramatic irony turn later.

JULIAN: Mm.

LIZ: Is that too hopeful?

PAZ: We'll see.

LIZ: [darkly] Mm.

PAZ: He does literally run into Tigerclaw.

JULIAN: He does. It's very funny.

LIZ: Right, he's like--

JULIAN: Bounces right off him anime-style.

LIZ: No, he's tailing him, right, and then he's like, oh fuck, but there's this mouse. Ooh, but I gotta--

PAZ: It's so funny. His little cat attention span.

LIZ: It's very video game, too. It's like, okay, main quest. Wait, fuck. Ooh. Mm. Give me a second.

PAZ: I'll be real quick. I just gotta. Yeah, there's a nasty cat smell. Princess shows back up. She's like, you're so thin.

JULIAN: She's like, hey, you're feeding my son, right?

LIZ: Princess having some second thoughts. It's like, maybe I should have gotten my fucking kid vaccinated before he went.

JULIAN: Maybe I should have let him reach like an adult size. Then his growth wouldn't be stunted.

PAZ: She's like, are you getting enough to eat, and Fireheart's just like, no. Doesn't even try to lie.

JULIAN: Imagine being Princess, though. It's like, your shithead brother comes back, is clearly malnourished, and you're like, oh my god, like, I have food at home. Come get some food. And he's like, I can't. The clan. It's like, buddy.

PAZ: He's just in a cult.

JULIAN: He's in a cult. She's trying her best to help him. Well, not really. She's not.

LIZ: Well, she--

PAZ: No, she gave her son to the cult.

JULIAN: She gave him her son.

LIZ: He could have just rolled in some garlic or whatever.

PAZ: Right? Didn't he roll in fox dung before? That was fine.

LIZ: Eat the Temptations.

JULIAN: Eat the Temptations. And then eat some like, I don't know, chives or something so no one can smell the Temptations, the sweet, sweet smell of Temptations on your breath.

LIZ: Just eat some catnip, damn.

PAZ: A single Temptation would kill a Warrior cat dead. Be overwhelming.

JULIAN: God, they really are just like medieval peasants out there in the woods, eating their bowls of gruel. If they got a single bite of tender ocean fish dinner, they would just keel over.

LIZ: Don't they make like beggin strips or whatever for cats now?

JULIAN: Mm-hmm.

PAZ: Probably.

LIZ: You think like the Warriors have a little, little pot of catgrass? I don't think so.

PAZ: No.

LIZ: Everything out there's poisonous.

JULIAN: Well, at the fancy boutique pet bakery in my neighborhood, because of course there is one of those, they do have whole dried fish treats.

LIZ: Wow.

JULIAN: That you can give your cat, if you I guess don't care about having to sweep up after them.

LIZ: Wow.

JULIAN: We have never given one of those to Chickpea because I think she would-- it would be too much for her.

PAZ: No offense to Chickpea, but she doesn't seem to have very discerning taste.

JULIAN: No, no, she really wants Cheez-its.

LIZ: Aw.

JULIAN: She wants Cheez-its so bad.

PAZ: I can relate. I could go for some Cheez-its.

LIZ: She does look like someone who loves to crunch.

JULIAN: Today she knocked-- she loves to crunch. She loves to crunch, and I love to hear her crunch, so it's a win-win. Today she climbed on top of the fridge, again, to try to get the food that is no longer there because we moved it. And she knocked over like the 12 pack of Coke that was up there.

PAZ: Oh my gosh.

LIZ: Oh my god. Does she even weigh 12 packs of coke?

JULIAN: No. Well, there were probably like five or six in there. Um, but she tried to jump on it and then obviously her momentum-- she didn't have great purchase on top of the fridge, so it fell off. I just heard a clatter and came out, and she was looking very, um, you know cats do when it's like, oh I didn't do that. I'm the most distinguished.

PAZ: Kip goes up on the top of our fridge and knocks things over on purpose. He'll like look at me, and knock it off the top of the fridge.

JULIAN: Real Cloudkit. Real Cloudkit energies on that one.

LIZ: Kip's an atheist.

PAZ: Absolutely. Wow. Chapter 10.

JULIAN: Chapter 10.

LIZ: Wait, wait.

PAZ: Oh, yeah?

LIZ: No, just, what if we got one of those like, you know those YouTubes that are always like me making a gourmet cat-friendly meal for my cats?

PAZ: Yeah?

LIZ: We just gotta do that. And I don't know. I think that that has more pull than Temptations, maybe. It's like I made you cat sushi, or I made you like a cat cake.

PAZ: Are you saying that's what'll get Fireheart inside?

LIZ: I think so.

JULIAN: He's got discerning tastes is what you're saying.

LIZ: Mm-hmm.

JULIAN: He needs that raw meat.

PAZ: He does.

JULIAN: What even happened in chapter 10? I just have a note, Whitestorm is a good guy.

PAZ: That's true. Was he even mentioned?

JULIAN: Which is accurate.

PAZ: Was that him taking out the apprentices or something?

LIZ: I think so, yeah.

JULIAN: I think that's where I've, yeah.

PAZ: I've seen a lot of, I think Whitestorm X Tigerclaw stuff on YouTube. I think that's right.

LIZ: That is very funny.

PAZ: I love Tigerclaw's many exes. First Redtail. Now Whitestorm.

JULIAN: Well, I guess the reason we don't remember anything from chapter 10 is it's literally eight pages long.

PAZ: Yeah, it's real short. Fireheart tells Bluestar that there's nasty cats over at Twolegplace, but can't tell her that Tigerclaw is there, because he's like she just won't believe me.

JULIAN: Then they go on a little patrol and they go to RiverClan, and the river's flooded. Uh-oh.

PAZ: It sure is flooded.

JULIAN: I guess that's the downside to having your camp in the middle of the river.

PAZ: Yeah, I wonder if their camp's doing okay.

JULIAN: Yeah. Uh-oh.

LIZ: Oh boy.

PAZ: Uh-oh. I didn't even think about that.

LIZ: Whuh-oh.

JULIAN: I'm sure it's fine that Graystripe is on this patrol.

PAZ: Listen, one time he decides to do work is when he's like maybe I'll see my gf on the way.

JULIAN: God.

PAZ: Please, what are you gonna fucking do if you do see her?

LIZ: He's so annoying.

JULIAN: Well, he's gonna have a double date with Sandstorm and Fireheart and him and his gf and also--

PAZ: Running whoever. What's that guy's name? Runningwind.

JULIAN: Also Runningwind is there.

PAZ: Wow. Fifth wheel Runningwind.

LIZ: Well, maybe Runningwind will find his own starcrossed like cat romance. Triple date. Yes.

JULIAN: There you go.

PAZ: Perfect.

JULIAN: Runningwind slash, who's in... Stonefur.

PAZ: Oh.

LIZ: What do we call that?

PAZ: Runningstone. I'm Googling Runningwind. Don't Google Runningwind, Liz.

LIZ: I'm never going to get into that fucking spoiler channel. What's going on in there? I don't know.

PAZ: Runningwind stories Wattpad. "This is my spin on Warriors: The Prophecies Begin, just with a reader insert. I do not own Warriors. I only own the plot points I use." Oh, here we go. Redtail x Runningwind. Ooh.

LIZ: What?

PAZ: Tell me more.

JULIAN: Ohh.

PAZ: I'm intrigued.

JULIAN: I think this is literally the first time we've seen Runningwind say anything onscreen.

PAZ: Okay, this is someone posting on the forums, "I am utterly baffled by this ship."

LIZ: Well, them saying that makes me want to be like--

PAZ: Oh, fuck this person. They say, "I understand the trans Redtail thing, but I don't really like it. But I don't really care too much." Still, die.

JULIAN: Well, I don't care about you. I don't care about your opinion.

LIZ: Well, yeah.

PAZ: Your opinion is horrible.

JULIAN: And I think Redtail is trans. This is the first I've heard of this headcanon and I would now die for it.

LIZ: Redtail is trans and gay.

PAZ: We've heard of trans Redtail before. Yeah.

JULIAN: Have we?

PAZ: Apparently Redtail-- yeah, that was that one Youtuber's name.

JULIAN: Oh my god, right. It's the YouTuber. I'm sorry.

PAZ: Apparently Redtail was a male calico so yeah, trans Redtail.

JULIAN: Oh!

LIZ: Hell yeah.

PAZ: Just like Hadesclipse.

JULIAN: Just like Hadesclipse.

PAZ: Redtail likes Hadesclipse. This is my self insert.

LIZ: You're gonna have to fight Runningwind.

JULIAN: I guess Runningwind has been here before on screen. I just forgot about him. He helped train Brackenpaw back in Fire and Ice when Graystripe was once again not doing his job.

LIZ: He's just like a nice fellow.

JULIAN: Yeah, he's just a guy.

PAZ: I do not respect the person who made this forum thread at all.

LIZ: Yeah, get outta here, OP.

JULIAN: Uh-oh.

PAZ: Yeah?

JULIAN: I've read some stories or some spoilers for, uh.

PAZ: Yeah?

JULIAN: For later.

PAZ: Well, how bad--

LIZ: Wait, hold on a second. Wait. How come Julian gets to do it and not me?

PAZ: Because Julian's read the books!

JULIAN: Cause this is all shit that I should already know, I just don't remember.

LIZ: Mm. Hmm.

PAZ: Listen, once we finish the Power of Three, you can go wild, because that's up to where we got to. I don't know what we were doing.

LIZ: Chapter 10?

JULIAN: Chapter 10. The eight-page chapter 10. RiverClan is flooded.

PAZ: RIP RiverClan.

LIZ: Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

PAZ: I was just saying RIP RiverClan.

LIZ: I do want to talk about the one thing where Tigerclaw's telling Fireheart to patrol and then Fireheart is like, oh, he's too smart to be hostile to me in public. But he is, though.

PAZ: Right? He's already been hostile to you many times.

LIZ: He calls you a little bitch like every single day in front of people.

PAZ: For real.

JULIAN: It's like, you don't really need to set Fire-- or set Tigerclaw up as like conniving because he's already been conniving. We've seen him be conniving. Part of his connivingness is that he calls you a little bitch every day, and you can't do anything about it because he's the deputy.

PAZ: It's not like-- his whole posse calls Fireheart a little bitch. Fireheart got called a kittypet like two chapters ago.

LIZ: Right? The problem is that people don't care.

JULIAN: Fucking Longtail and Dustpelt.

PAZ: Yeah, and Darkstripe.

LIZ: One of those is like someone's brother, right?

JULIAN: Dustpelt is Sandstorm's brother.

PAZ: No, no, no, no, no.

LIZ: No, wait.

PAZ: They were just apprentices. He's, um, I think he's technically Ravenpaw's brother.

LIZ: Oh, right right right.

JULIAN: Is he?

PAZ: Or something like that.

LIZ: Someone is Ravenpaw's brother.

JULIAN: Oh, I just assumed they were siblings because they were...

PAZ: But it's like, not really--

JULIAN: Oh, you're right. He is Ravenpaw's brother.

LIZ: Wild.

JULIAN: And he's Longtail's half brother.

PAZ: Bitch.

JULIAN: Oh, he's such a little bitch because Darkstripe was his mentor.

LIZ: Duh.

PAZ: Oh. Sorry, I just saw a spoiler for the.... Oh man.

LIZ: These cats. I think that's it though for the chapters, right?

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, Dustpelt had a son.

LIZ: What?

PAZ: Called Spiderleg.

JULIAN: [snorting]

LIZ: You can't do that. What about a cat is spidery?

JULIAN: Peyton's gonna be so angry.

LIZ: Please.

PAZ: That's incredible. I'm clicking Spiderleg's wiki page.

LIZ: Wait, I think Dustpelt should have eight children, no, nine children, and they should all be like Spiderleg 1, Spiderleg 2, Spiderleg 3, until you get to 8. And then you should have one just be like Spiderhead.

JULIAN: Oh holy shit.

LIZ: And then they can stand on top of each other like a mech.

JULIAN: Dustpelt is also Birchfall's father.

PAZ: Oh.

JULIAN: Birchfall of the bad name.

PAZ: I bet Peyton hates Spiderleg too.

JULIAN: Yeah, I guess, uh. Well, whoever the leader is the person who gave the leg name because Spiderkit is... I mean, it's a weird name. But it's a fine one.

LIZ: Oh God.

JULIAN: Oh, I hate that the pixel art here is this cat is looking directly at me. Usually the pixel art, the cat is kind of like, you know, three quarter view, like looking off into the distance. Spiderleg? Looking into my eyes.

PAZ: Sorry, what? Here's a quote caption. "Spiderleg annoyed with Dovepaw when she talks about brown animals." What?

JULIAN: What?

LIZ: Hey, Spiderleg, you, hey, what?

PAZ: What? Brown animals.

JULIAN: [yells]

LIZ: What is that noise you just made?

JULIAN: [hysterical laughter]

PAZ: Hold on. Just gonna screenshot this.

JULIAN: [creaks]

PAZ: If my phone will let me.

JULIAN: Oh God.

PAZ: It all comes full circle.

JULIAN: It really does.

LIZ: [laughing] Oh my god.

PAZ: I clicked "brown animals," and it took me to the beaver page.

LIZ: What does it mean?

PAZ: "Friendly? No."

LIZ: What does it mean?

JULIAN: Beavers aren't friendly?

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: "Relation to clan cats. If provoked they're able to kill a cat with their sharp front teeth."

PAZ: Holy shit.

LIZ: Is that true?

JULIAN: That has never happened.

PAZ: I do not think so.

LIZ: Wait. [typing] Can beavers kill cats. [gasps]

JULIAN: Beaver versus cat.

LIZ: "Beaver attacks can be fatal to domestic animals."

JULIAN: [gasps]

PAZ: Holy shit.

LIZ: There's a whole Wikipedia page for beaver attack.

PAZ: I never would have guessed.

LIZ: Oh, you gotta see this beaver. You gotta see the beaver they use. Look at him, looking at you.

JULIAN: Oh.

PAZ: Oh no.

LIZ: What the fuck?

PAZ: He's so round. I'm so scared.

LIZ: Got his little paws together like [evil laugh] I will.

JULIAN: A beaver has killed a man.

LIZ: What?

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: "Relation to clan cats." Oh, go ahead.

JULIAN: Um, I mean, okay, so this is a 60 year old guy who grabbed the beaver, to take a photo with it.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: And the beaver bit open his femoral artery.

PAZ: Oh, okay, he shouldn't have done that.

LIZ: Yikes.

JULIAN: So it was like, you shouldn't have done it. Also, it was like bad luck. It just happened to get the femoral.

PAZ: Here's what the Warriors wiki has to say. "Relation to clan cats. Beavers are known to be both inquisitive with cats, but also aggressive if provoked."

JULIAN: Oh my god?

LIZ: Well, how many beavers are they gonna see in England?

JULIAN: There are beavers in England.

PAZ: Yeah, there are beavers.

LIZ: Have we covered this? This feels...

PAZ: I feel like we have, yes.

JULIAN: I think we have. There's beavers in the Narnia book.

LIZ: Aren't they like-- isn't it that like beavers have been recently reintroduced or something?

JULIAN: Yes, we talked about this because they were hunted for their fur to almost extinction, and then they made a big comeback.

PAZ: To kill cats.

LIZ: Good for them?

JULIAN: Good for them. Aw, this is one sleeping and he's all curled up into his tail.

LIZ: I'm just looking at the list of non fatal attacks on humans by beavers.

PAZ: Get 'em.

LIZ: While you say this. Goddamn.

JULIAN: Oh, this image is too powerful for Discord.

PAZ: Understandable.

LIZ: Can you screenshot it?

JULIAN: Oh, I just posted the link, because it's 6000 by 4000 pixels.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Aw. Have you guys seen baby beavers? They are an incredible shape.

LIZ: Oh yeah. Mm-hmm.

JULIAN: Oh, I don't think I have. Baby beavers. Listeners, I hope you enjoy our animal googling. Oh!

PAZ: They're just such a good shape. They're so fuzzy. They're so round.

JULIAN: Oh, they're so fluffy. Oh, I highly recommend everyone to Google baby beavers.

PAZ: Yes, please. There's some good videos on YouTube, I think.

JULIAN: Yep. They're so small. This is from I Can Has Cheezburger, a site I did not realize was still on the internet.

LIZ: I don't think it can die at this point. I think it's an establishment, right?

JULIAN: Here it is. Their Facebook page is actively posting things as of 47 minutes ago.

PAZ: On Facebook?

JULIAN: There's a listicle about 18 cats demonstrating their cat logic.

LIZ: [groans]

PAZ: Tigerclaw voice.

LIZ: Tigerclaw voice, debate me.

PAZ: I'll destroy them with facts and logic.

JULIAN: Wow.

LIZ: Also sorry, on my search for can beavers kill cats, like the fourth result is just the beaver Warriors wiki page.

PAZ: What do you call a baby beaver? Kits.

LIZ: Baby.

JULIAN: Aw.

PAZ: They're kits, too.

LIZ: [laughs] Can I-- oh my god. Can I give you some suggested searches from this?

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: Okay. One. "Are beavers venomous?"

PAZ: No, that's a platypus.

JULIAN: I understand the confusion, though.

PAZ: Yeah, they're a little similar.

LIZ: Two. "How to survive a beaver attack."

PAZ: Run.

JULIAN: Don't get bitten in the femoral artery and you'll be good.

LIZ: Three. "Beaver bite force PSI."

JULIAN: Now what is the beaver bite force psi? I'm very curious.

LIZ: Let me check. 180 pounds.

PAZ: Holy shit.

JULIAN: That's a lot.

PAZ: Well, I mean they have to bite hard to take down trees, I guess.

LIZ: Goddamn.

JULIAN: Yeah, damn.

LIZ: Compared to a human's 88 pounds. Good Lord.

PAZ: We don't have shit.

JULIAN: That's pretty strong on humans, too.

PAZ: Yeah, I'm not biting that hard.

JULIAN: No wonder my teeth hurt all the time.

PAZ: I don't have anything else to say about these chapters.

JULIAN: Yeah, I think we've wrapped up.

PAZ: I forgot to decide on something to talk about.

JULIAN: I mean, we did talk about beavers for quite some time.

PAZ: We did.

[meow]

JULIAN: I wonder if-- okay, I'm gonna do a quick Google to see if... beaver roleplay.

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Oh my god. Beaver kids book.

JULIAN: Oh no, this is Narnia roleplay. That's not what I want. Beaver roleplay Proboards.

PAZ: Oh shit.

JULIAN: Beaver [sighs]. Yep, here we go. I found-- this is on the Disney Roleplay World.

PAZ: Disney?

LIZ: Oh?

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: Beavers in Disney?

JULIAN: This is an Angry Beavers RP.

LIZ: What?

PAZ: Oh my god, that show. You don't know that show, Liz?

LIZ: No?

PAZ: I think it was a Nickelodeon cartoon. It was like the era of like, Catdog and such.

LIZ: Oh.

JULIAN: Yeah, it's a band of outcast beavers trying to take over the world, or take over the woods, sorry, not the world.

PAZ: Why not the world?

JULIAN: Holy shit, this is dark. Um, they are the young Zachs family. The head beaver, Jason, catches Treeflower. Kate, who was with her, isn't seen, but finds her mother dead after Jason kills her to send a message.

PAZ: What?

JULIAN: Is there a way to bring her back or stop Jason? Fuck!

PAZ: I hope so.

JULIAN: Oh, it's so much to read this very intensive, um, there are lions here?!

LIZ: What?

PAZ: I don't remember that.

JULIAN: This roleplay includes lions and bears. It's a lot to see this really intensive moment where this beaver is facing down lions. And she's screaming for her uncle, Daggett.

PAZ: Oh yeah, I remember. Yep, that was the name.

JULIAN: "'Mama, Daddy, Uncle Daggy-Waggy,' she screams."

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Also a lot to see, um... is this Tyler Posey? Someone's shooting a gun at me in the gif.

PAZ: What?

JULIAN: In this signature about beavers.

PAZ: What year was this happening?

JULIAN: This was posted in 2014.

PAZ: That is much more recent than I would have thought.

JULIAN: Yeah, it didn't get off the ground too far. Only about 10 posts here.

PAZ: I wonder why.

JULIAN: Oh, no, I'm sorry, there's four pages of this. I'm just kidding.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Yeah, the final post is, "'Kate, it's time for lunch,' Norb called to his daughter." So I presume they--

PAZ: They survived.

JULIAN: They dealt with the lions.

LIZ: They went to lunch.

PAZ: Man, Warrior Cats needs to step up.

LIZ: This is riveting.

JULIAN: These beavers have sofas? I never watched the cartoon.

PAZ: Oh yeah, they live in like a-- I don't remember exactly.

JULIAN: Little house?

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah, no, Kate's mom fuckin died. Rip Treeflower.

PAZ: Wow.

JULIAN: I am kind of surprised but there hasn't been like a big sprawling story about a society of beavers.

PAZ: Yeah, they also are like communal animals. Are beavers not interesting enough? I think they're cool.

JULIAN: Wait, hold up. What was the Redwall book? Oh no, those were otters.

LIZ: An otter is just a beaver that hasn't been flattened at the back.

JULIAN: Because I was thinking of Taggerung, which in hindsight was I think a little racist. But that was about otters and not beavers.

LIZ: You know that--

JULIAN: Are beavers--

LIZ: Oh, go ahead.

JULIAN: Are they evil in Redwall?

PAZ: Are they in Redwall?

LIZ: Beavers?

JULIAN: Oh, there are no beavers.

LIZ: Well, when was Redwall written?

JULIAN: Redwall wiki. "According to Brian Jacques, beavers do not appear in subsequent Redwall novels to reflect the fact that there are no longer any native beavers in Great Britain."

LIZ: Well. Wait.

JULIAN: "The solitary beaver is the only beaver in the Redwall series and was very rarely mentioned."

PAZ: Holy shit. Who's the solitary beaver?

JULIAN: He stopped Cluny from climbing up the wall in the first battle of the Late Rose Summer Wars.

PAZ: I want to know more about this guy.

JULIAN: And he uses a crossbow. Damn.

PAZ: Wow, apparently beavers have like, mate for life.

JULIAN: Aw.

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: Wikipedia doesn't have a fictional beavers page.

JULIAN: Why? They have a fictional badgers page.

PAZ: Maybe there just aren't many fictional beavers.

JULIAN: Oh my God. I know this is not a Redwall padcast.

LIZ: Padcast?

JULIAN: Padcast. But I have found a tidbit of Redwall lore that is blowing the series wide open. Bees can communicate in Redwall.

LIZ: What?

PAZ: What?

JULIAN: "Indicated by a statement at the end of the books where the guerrilla shrews learn to speak the bee language so they can trade and argue. This is not noted in other books."

PAZ: Holy shit.

JULIAN: That means that if bees can communicate, half of the animals eat insects. Are they eating sentient insects?

PAZ: Ahh.

LIZ: Horrible. I hate that. What if you're like, God, I don't know, like a bird or mouse or whatever, and you just like, eat a cricket, and it's just like, [tinily] nooo.

JULIAN: [very small] I have a family.

LIZ: Gruesome.

PAZ: This is a problem when you make all the animals in sentient societies.

JULIAN: Well, I feel like Redwall tried to handle it by making all the carnivores evil.

PAZ: I've never read Redwall.

JULIAN: Yeah, they make most of the carnivores, like-- which is its own problem because then it's like these species are inherently evil.

PAZ: They just did Zootopia. I mean, I guess Zootopia did Redwall, is what I should say.

LIZ: With cops? Does Redwall have cops?

JULIAN: Um...

PAZ: They have like soldiers.

JULIAN: It's sort of like a medieval situation. So they have like soldiers, and like, there might be like a sheriff or something. There's not like the police.

PAZ: There's only 21 pages in the fictional beavers category.

LIZ: That's so sad.

JULIAN: That's so sad. That feels--

PAZ: This is an undertapped market.

LIZ: They have architecture. They feel rife for like anthropomorph-- word I can't say. You know, when they become little guys with little houses?

JULIAN: Hey, children's book editors, hot new idea, fictional story about beavers, species of beavers. They're-- not species, family of beavers. Society of beavers. That's the word I was looking for.

PAZ: That should be the next Erin Hunter endeavor.

JULIAN: Right? I guess maybe the concern is, while they do have a society and they do have little hands and they do build things, they don't attack each other and kill each other?

PAZ: That's true. No, but they're very territorial. Maybe they do.

LIZ: They can attack and kill us. That's gotta be something.

JULIAN: That's true.

PAZ: They probably have fights.

LIZ: Maybe it's like the next, you know, great civilization is one of beavers and they've got to fight the humans or something.

JULIAN: There you go.

LIZ: Terrible remnants of the last one.

PAZ: Beavers inherit the earth.

JULIAN: There was a beaver dam in the creek at home, and they were-- they did a lot. They really dammed up that creek.

PAZ: Yeah, they work hard. Okay, if Erin Hunter was to make a beaver series, what would it be called? So the bears one is called Seekers. I think the canceled dog one was like...

JULIAN: No, that's the Africa one.

LIZ: Designers. Planners.

JULIAN: Architects. Builders.

LIZ: Constructors. Oh, Creators.

JULIAN: Oooh.

PAZ: Ooh.

LIZ: There's also Devisors, which sounds a little, you know.

PAZ: Oh, that sounds like they'll be like little wizards.

JULIAN: Yeah, I like Devisors.

PAZ: Devisors is real good.

JULIAN: Survivors is the dog series.

PAZ: Oh, Devisors is a little close to Survivors. But I think it's still very good.

LIZ: Artisan.

PAZ: I want little wizard beavers.

JULIAN: Right? They're so ripe to be little magic guys. Little magicians. They got their little hands.

LIZ: I feel like every other creature that's vaguely in the shape of a beaver, which is like kind of a brown egg, has gotten that treatment already. Like, you know, badgers, which they're not really brown, but they're eh. Porcupine. I feel like I've definitely seen more porcupine than beaver.

PAZ: Yeah. Why are beavers so underutilized?

LIZ: Otters. Capybaras.

JULIAN: I don't think we've done capybaras.

PAZ: Friends at the Table has done capybaras now.

LIZ: I think someone's done capybaras.

JULIAN: I mean, maybe there's a children's book.

LIZ: Moles. Voles.

JULIAN: That's just Redwall.

PAZ: Yeah, those little guys are Redwall.

LIZ: A raccoon isn't brown but it does have little hands and is about the same shape, and they've definitely done those.

PAZ: There's like Sly Cooper, yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah. Ranger Rick.

PAZ: Justice for beavers.

LIZ: Let the beaver have its moment. It's basically like a water clan, right?

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Okay, there should just be like a direct lifting of all the Warriors clans into just like beaver clan, badger clan. That's like--

PAZ: This is just Redwall. We're just reinventing Redwall with beavers.

LIZ: No, there's more than one beaver, because they've returned to England.

PAZ: You're writing Redwall fanfiction.

LIZ: I can make this an Arthurian beaver.

PAZ: Yeah, the beaver is Merlin.

JULIAN: Guinebeaver.

LIZ: Who's gonna play young hot BBC beaver Merlin?

JULIAN: Do you mean Beaverlin?

LIZ: Yes.

PAZ: You know, that might do it for us. I think we're-- [laughs].

LIZ: When we hit that 420 goal.

PAZ: Thanks everyone for listening to our podcast. You can find the show at Stairway to Star-- no, it's just, you can find the show @staircast on twitter.com. You can now support the show on Patreon at patreon.com/staircast. You can email questions or anecdotes or yell at us about talking about beavers too much, stairwaytostarclan@gmail.com. Um, next week we'll be reading chapters 11 through 14 of Forest of Secrets. I guess that's about it. So until next time, may StarClan light your path. Bye.

LIZ: Bye.

JULIAN: Bye.

[outro music]

LIZ: My God.

JULIAN: Oh.

LIZ: Hey, did you know beavertails are a kind of donut?

JULIAN: Oh, like a food?

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: I was like, I thought you were talking about like a mathematical donut for some reason.

PAZ: Wow.

LIZ: That's me. I love to talk about math.

JULIAN: Like a torus. Anyway.

[just-absolutely-super]

Listen To Your Heartbeat So I Know You're Alive

@soulxmakaweek

I DID IT! I FINISHED SOMA WEEK!

Bonus Day Heartbeat! Enjoy and thanks so much for the support, whether it was here, AO3, or FF.net

Summary: She couldn't exactly explain it, but the steady rhythm comforted her in a way nothing else could. It made her sigh in contentment because he was there. Alive and well…with her.

Warning: There are shades of PTSD and mentions of anxiety/panic attacks. If these themes discomfort you in any way please don’t feel obligated to read this.

FF.net // AO3

It all started after that fateful battle with Crona in Italy.

The trauma was enough to give her nightmares for weeks. She would relive that same moment over and over again. Only the outcome would be different. Instead of Professor Stein and her father coming to their rescue, Maka found herself sitting there with Soul’s lifeless body in her lap. Her hand would be placed over his bleeding chest as she’s forced to feel his pulse fade under it.

Ba-bump………ba-bump……………….ba-bump………………………………….ba-bump…

…………………………………..

It’s enough to wake her in the middle of the night, screaming until her throat was raw and her lungs burned. During those first few days, no one was there to comfort her. Blair often came home well into the night from working at Chupra Cabra to find the young girl sobbing hysterically on her bedroom floor.

“Soul’s gone!” she would cry into the magical cat’s chest, “He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone!”

“Shhh.” Blair would soothe, running her manicured fingers through her ash blonde locks, “He’s fine, Maka. Soul’s fine. He’s in the infirmary at the school, remember?”

It took a long time, but she would remember. And experiencing his death was only a dream.

Despite the reality that her partner was well and alive, the reminder that his heart could stop one day gave her so much panic. There were days this realization would give her an anxiety attack and she’ll begin hyperventilating.

She couldn’t let his heart stop. He was her weapon—her best friend! She had to protect him! Protect his heart!

So she vowed to be stronger for him. Soul rolled his eyes at her and told her she was doing everything backwards—why would you protect the thing that was meant to protect you—but she knew he didn’t understand. He just didn’t get it. But that was okay. Maka would admit she felt somewhat embarrassed with her reasoning why she was so determined to get stronger as a meister.

Her fascination with his beating heart sometimes led to awkward situations. Well, awkward for Soul at least.

There was the moment after Maka declared her resolve to get stronger where she placed her hand on his chest. She would reveal to him later on that she was vowing to face his scar, but truthfully she also wanted to feel his thrumming pulse under her hand.

Then there were those occasional moments, during the quiet of the evening, when Maka and Soul would be sitting on the couch and somehow Maka’s head found its way onto Soul’s shoulder. It was a sweet, tender kind of moment that Maka relished in, especially when she realized she could hear Soul’s heart if she tilted her head just right…

And then there were those times with the nightmares. It didn’t matter who they happened to, once the night terror was over, either Soul or Maka would find themselves in their counterpart’s bed. It wasn’t very “cool” as Soul put it, but neither cared because in their moments of vulnerability, they needed the reassurance that their partner was still alive. Maka especially, as she could hear her scythe’s heart loud and clear in the silence of the night.

Ba-bump…ba-bump…ba-bump…

She couldn’t exactly explain it, but the steady rhythm comforted her in a way nothing else could. It made her sigh in contentment because he was there. Alive and well…with her.

Eventually Soul caught onto what exactly it was about his chest that she was fascinated with, and learned to roll with it when the urge to be close to him took her over. She was thankful he never teased her in these moments. He understood her perfectly.

And he never complained either. Especially not after particularly rough battles.

They were gathering their 72nd soul for the second time around (damn Blair…). It wasn’t a particularly difficult kishin egg—pretty much your typical serial killer type. What Maka and Soul didn’t know, however, was that this evil being had a special talent with pyrotechnics…specifically bombs.

In a last ditch effort to thwart the meister-weapon duo, the pre-kishin threw off his trench coat to reveal an abundance of explosives strapped to his chest. If he was going down he was going to take the DWMA students with him!

Maka yelped as she struggled to scramble away. She managed to get some distance between herself and the evil soul but the amount of bombs he let off would produce such a large explosion there was no way she’d get off scot-free.

Soul knew this, so against Maka’s wishes he transformed into his human form and draped himself over his meister—willing a blade to form from his back in hopes that the metal would shield them from the brunt of the explosion.

Maka screeched as the bombs went off, feeling the ground scrape into her body as the force knocked her back many feet. She’s not sure, but she thought she had blacked out at some point. When she felt the ringing in her ears subside, she groaned and eased her eyes open. After gaining her bearings, she managed to lift herself up.

Examining her body, she saw that her clothes were dirty and tattered. Her gloves were stained red with her blood. She moved her extremities to make sure nothing was broken before prodding her head. She winced at some tenderness, hoping she didn’t have a concussion.

Next, she viewed her surroundings. The ground of the clearing they were in was scorched black; debris of different shapes and sizes surrounding her. Off in the distance she spotted the red floating soul of the pre-kishin, ready to be eaten by Soul.

Soul!

Maka frantically looked around. Didn’t he shield her? Why wasn’t he around? Where was Soul?!

Finally she spotted him a few feet to the left of her. The force of the explosion must have separated him from her. Her heart dropped into her stomach when she saw that his body was prone and it didn’t look like there was any sign of movement from him…

Was he even breathing?!

“Soul!” Maka cried, ignoring her aches and pains in favor of jumping up and sprinting to her fallen partner.

Upon reaching him, she fell to her knees—ignoring the sting from landing onto the hard ground—and turned him over onto his back. Her wide, green eyes looked his figure over.

Like her, he had multiple scrapes and cuts marring his skin, his clothes practically in shambles thanks to the fact he took the brunt of the explosion. There was a flat piece of rock lodged into his left thigh. Maka had a feeling he’ll need stitches for the wound. His face was blank though, his eyes closed and his skin looking a lot paler than Maka remembered.

Maka felt her breathing quicken, “No, no, no, no. Please be okay. Please be okay,” she pleaded as she grasped his shoulders, shaking them.

Bile rose to her throat but she bit it back. She couldn’t lose focus now, she had to help him somehow…

But he wasn’t moving, why wasn’t he moving?!

Panic clouded her brain. In hindsight, soul perception could have been used to indicate whether he was still alive or not, but the intense fear she felt overwhelmed any logic she may have had.

She couldn’t think…she couldn’t focus. All she wanted was for Soul to wake up and smile at her and tell her she was reckless and stubborn and a nerd and…and…

Unable to hold back anymore, a strangled sob tore through Maka’s throat as she fell onto her partner’s chest. She wailed—pleading, bargaining, begging for him to wake up.

“Don’t leave me! Please don’t leave me!” were her desperate cries. She didn’t know what she’d do if he actually left her. She was faced with that possibility almost a year ago, but since then they’d been fine. They had gotten stronger together. But now here they were, Maka reduced to that of a crying little girl while her best friend lay motionless underneath her.

What good was she?

Was her resolve all that time ago pointless?

She was an awful meister. A better meister wouldn’t have allowed this to happen. Soul deserved so much better than her!

She was so caught up in her despondent thoughts, she barely registered that there was a weight on the back of her head.

“’M okay…” came a hoarse voice before a ragged cough was choked out. “Not going…anywhere. J-Just listen, alright?”

Maka stiffened. She didn’t dare look up, afraid that her misery was producing a hallucination. When she registered his request for her to listen, she stopped everything, including breathing, as she strained her ears.

…ba-bump…ba-bump…ba-bump…

A fresh wave of tears welled in her eyes as she sobbed into her partner’s chest. He was alive. He was alive!

“Thank God… Thank God!”

She’s not sure how long they lay there—her crying until she couldn’t anymore while he silently stroked her head—but eventually Sid and Nygus came to retrieve them and took them to the dispensary at the DWMA. There, they shared a room, Soul insisting their beds be moved together so they could easily reach each other if need be.

She knew he only suggested that because she was too embarrassed to voice it. She was thankful though, because it was a good excuse to lie close to him and listen to his heartbeat while they both recovered.

“It’s the same for me.” He told her later, after Nygus left them for the evening.

“Huh?” she asked, on the verge of sleep.

“I like to listen to your heart too.” He confessed. “Reassures me you’re still there. That I did my job and protected you.”

Despite her eyes watering for the umpteenth time that day, she gave a small smile.

“Let’s keep protecting each other’s heartbeats, okay?”

He held her closer, his face burying into her hair.

“Deal.”

[antihero-writings]

Inverted Recurrence 

Fandom: Castlevania Symphony of the Night (but with the Netflix series characterizations)

Summary: It's been three hundred years since Alucard saw Trevor and Sypha. When he sees a version of them in the inverted coliseum...he just can't seem to win the fight against them. 

So he loses. Over and over.

(The inverted coliseum boss fight from Symphony of the Night, but with the Netflix series characters)

Notes: First of all, warning!! There will be swearing in this fic!!

This is a fic for the game Symphony of the Night. However I used the characterizations of the characters from the Netflix series. This is also why Grant is not present, even though he's present in the actual fight. (I wanted to include him, especially because they took him out of the show...but because they took him out of the show, and because I have yet to play Dracula's Curse, I didn't feel like I could properly characterize him to have him in the scene.)

If you enjoyed this I'd really appreciate it if you could leave a comment! They make my week, and really help motive me to keep writing multi-chapter fics like this one!

I’ll also post this on my Castlevania blog @symphonyofthewrite if you want to check it out there!! 

Chapter 1:

Alucard hit the ground of the save room…which happened to be the ceiling, breath and heartbeat crawling through his chest like fire ants.

“Well…fuck.”

******

Fire consumed the werewolves’ snarls, echoing through the stone hall, and he continued up the corridor without a glance back.

Alucard paused to think; count the rooms.

He wiped the blood off his sword—well, not his sword, that is to say, he still didn’t have his mother’s sword back from that dickhead, Death, so he was using one he had borrowed from one of those green skeletons upon its second death.

“Are you prepared?” he asked his fairy familiar. “If my thinking is correct we’re coming upon the main part of the coliseum. This could get”—he adjusted his grip on the sword and inclined his head to the side. “Interesting.”

She folded her arms and bowed. “I am prepared for whatever comes our way, Master Alucard.”

He grinned back. “Good.”

He marched forward, and, sure enough, the upside-down version of the coliseum center revealed itself. The same room where he had fought the Shaft-possessed-Richter in the right-side-up castle. The sconces spilled blue fire endlessly to the ground, fixed to columns that didn’t reach the ‘floor’, in a circle around an overthrown throne. A throne which held no one now, as if he were a gladiator in an upturned universe, a slave of the games, watched by an invisible sadistic god, hosting this for their own pleasure.

The doors shut themselves behind, and in front, of him with a loud thump, closing off his exits.

Yup. Interesting.

He stood on guard, aiming the sword at the pentagonal spinning coffins in the center of the room, his mind cycling through what might step out;

Let’s see, skeletons? Zombies? Ghosts? No it’d be something more advanced than that. Maybe dragon would walk out? Or maybe he’d fight the embodiment of of emperor Nero himself? That might be fun.

When their lids creaked forward, and the first enemy stepped out it did not, in fact, have rotting skin, or a malevolent grin…It looked like a man.

A man with brown hair, blue eyes—one of which a scar fell across—sauntered over to Alucard, the Belmont crest gleaming on his chest.

Alucard froze, eyes widening.

The man groaned when he saw Alucard—but not in an undead way, more like a man who was annoyed—and, unlike many of the monsters, he spoke:

“Well if it isn’t the cockwart, Alucard.”

Alucard fought werewolves and demons, things that spit fire, things that turned him to stone, things that would eat his soul out if given the chance, and he didn’t even break a sweat. Not much could make his heart hammer these days.

But this—

“Trevor! What have I told you about speaking your mind?!” Alucard had been so focused on Trevor he hadn’t noticed the other enemy: a woman in blue smacked Trevor on the back of the head.

“Uhh that it’s what everyone should do it all the time?” he rubbed his head.

She pulled on his ear.

“Okay, okay! Easy on the moneymaker!”

Alucard’s eyes stayed open wide, as if he was afraid if he closed them they’d disappear and he’d remember he was dreaming. The golden irises oscillating beneath waves of memory, the sword at his side twitching.

“Master Alucard?” the fairy’s voice was muffled behind the sound of his heartbeat.

He fought reanimated flesh, and first-animated metal, he fought things straight out of books, things he wished were mere fantasy, and never once did he stand paralyzed.

But this…this made his blood thump cold and relentless in his ears. This made his heart start churning with questions, his head ache with memory. This made his throat tighten with sentimentality long forgotten.

The fairy couldn’t hear the words he breathed.

Three hundred years is a long time. Even if he spent most of it asleep, time has a way of weighing heavy on the chest.

They were arguing amongst themselves, while the fairy was asking him questions, but he couldn’t hear any of them. As if he was beneath many tons of water, the pressure slowly crushing him.

Being immortal has never been the blessing humanity thought. Watching your friends, your family, die is hard enough, but when you know you won’t be joining them wherever they’re going for a long time, if at all, things get more complicated. The pain, then, isn’t just loss…it’s the knowledge of what you’ll never lose. Watching your friends die, while you, standing at their death bed, look the same as you did when you met them sixty years ago, like you’re taunting them, like you’re some cosmic joke… Watching them die, while you have millennia left to spend grieving, making new friends and watching them die too, just living… it isn’t exactly something you’d spend one of your three wishes on.

Sometimes he wished he was mortal. Human. That the blade and arrow would sting more, that words would mean more, that he’d remember the things his friends told long ago, under moonlit skies. He wished he could feel something, that he could feel fear and horror and hope. That the fight would pump in his veins. That he could grow old, and die, and wouldn’t have to live a thousand more lifetimes before death took him away. Sometimes he forgot how to appreciate life; they say death is what gives life meaning, after all.

Seeing his friends from centuries ago, his friends who he had argued with, played games with, laughed, cried with. Friends who he had watched die, who he had mourned, grieved long ago back again…

“What’s the matter?” Trevor put his hands on his hips, noticing that he was standing their dumbstruck. “Cat got your tongue?”

Alucard backed up on shaky legs, biting his lip until it bled.

He was twenty years old again. Twenty years old and they were in a snowy woods speaking of God, mothers, old books, and how lonely they all were, on their way to defeat Dracula for what they didn’t realize then was only the first time.

“Master Alucard!” the fairy fluttered in front of his face—how long had she been calling him? “What’s going on?!”

His lips were sealed shut; he couldn’t answer her even if he wanted to. His eyes gravitated past her toward the two behind her.

It had been so long. So long since those lonely nights. So long since those sunny days. So long since he’d seen their faces. So long since he’d heard their voices. Seeing, hearing, them now was like medicine, like sobriety. Like reminding himself he hadn’t made them up after all—(because sometimes it felt like he had). So long…So long since he’d been with his friends. So long since he’d had friends.

“I did want to resolve our differences.” Sypha shrugged. “But, we’re going to have to show you what we really think of you now.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself. It was nice—well uh…it was something knowing you.”

“…What?” Alucard’s breath made clouds in these snowy woods.

Trevor glanced up at him, unspooling the morning star whip—the one that he had once used to fight the night hordes with together…or at least a version of it…it didn’t look quite right.

“It’s a real shame”—he said like it wasn’t much of a shame at all—“but…we do have to kill you now.”

“We have a reputation to keep.”

“You know, vampire slayers and all. Can’t have the son of Dracula walking around.”

Alucard had to keep his breath from catching on itself and tripping.

He backed up, turning to see Sypha holding out her hands in a combat posture.

He shut his eyes and shook his head quickly, clearing the snow from his eyes, reminding himself the woods were nothing but memory; he was here, in Dracula’s upside-down castle fighting phantoms of his friends.

They’re not real, he told himself. They’re not your friends. Trevor and Sypha are gone. They’re just one of Dracula’s tricks. He’s using them to get to you.

He felt something wrap around his leg.

“Master Alucard!”

“It’s nothing personal.” Trevor spoke, “Except if you count the fact that we’d only do this to you because you’re the worst.” He yanked on the whip and swung Alucard by his leg into the far wall at full force.

Sypha held up her arms beads of light before her fingers, then brought them together, making spikes of ice jut out from beneath the walls, stomping towards him.

He pried himself from the wall and jumped out of their way.

Trevor threw a cross at him—one made of bones—but it came back without finding its mark.

Before Sypha could send her jet of flame at him, Alucard burst forward knocking her down.

“Attacking poor, innocent girls now? So that’s how you want to play it, huh?”

“Who are you calling ‘poor’ and ‘innocent’?!” Sypha crossed her arms, “I can handle myself thank you very much!”

“Oh—I—uh—I didn’t mean it like that!”

Sypha scowled at him.

It was like they walked straight out of his memory. …Were they really not real?

Trevor jumped up, raising his whip.

You don’t have to do this, Alucard wanted to reason with them.

But he knew. He knew this wasn’t them. They were only a shell. A reanimated memory. Empty. There was nothing in there to reason with.

Alucard blocked his attack with his shield, and crouched down, slicing his leg, knocking down. But before he could send the sword through his chest, Sypha raised her arm and incased him in a block of ice.

The fairy broke him out, but this had given Trevor enough time to get up, throwing another bone cross. This time it knocked Alucard to the ground.

Sypha floated before him, ready to blast him with fire. This time Alucard teleported, slashing Trevor in the back.

“You filthy vampire bastard.”

Why them?! He wanted to demand of Dracula, but that was all-too obvious.

Alucard disappeared in a column of gold, then reappeared, opening his cloak and sending fireballs towards Trevor, who extinguished them by swinging his whip.

He dodged Sypha’s ice spears, but Trevor took this opportunity to power up, and once Alucard was out of their way he began throwing continuous knives at him.

Alucard turned into a bat to avoid them.

Sypha incased him in ice for the second time, returning him to human form. The fairy broke him out.

Before Sypha could cast her next spell Alucard turned into a wolf and bowled Trevor over, leaping into the air to bite Sypha’s leg—

But before his teeth clamped down on her leg something caught in his throat—something too close to sentiment—and he fell to the floor, himself again.

In the moment’s hesitation Trevor wrapped the whip around his neck.

His eyes glinted, and his mouth quirked up. “See you in hell.”

******

“Well if it isn’t the cockwart Alucard,” Trevor grunted as he sauntered down from the wagon, smirking.

“If it isn’t the…bastard Trevor.”

Sypha ran up to the dhampir and put her arms around him.

“It’s so good to see you again Alucard!” She released him, putting a hand on his cheek and smiling. “You haven’t changed a bit!”

“Well being half-vampire does have its benefits.”

They turned to look at Trevor, who was hanging back, rubbing the back of his head.

Sypha put her hands on her hips, raising an eyebrow at him. Trevor sighed.

“Good god, I never thought I’d say this but…” he looked at his feet. “I missed you. …You and your stupid, ugly face.”

"I have something to say to you as well.”

Alucard promptly flipped him off.

Trevor made a face, groaning, “I try to say one nice—”

Before they could blink Alucard had wrapped his arms around them.

“I missed you too. …You don’t even know how much.”

******

Alucard hit the floor of the save room—which happened to be the ceiling—at full force, the world returning like a punch to the face. Once he regained his senses, he coughed, balling his hands into fists before him, breath harsh in his throat, heavy on his chest.

“Well…fuck.”

“…Master Alucard?”

He didn’t want to talk to her. He didn’t want to talk to much of anyone. He didn’t even want to think. To be here at all, in this castle. He half wished this save room didn’t exist so he wouldn’t have to go back there and do it all over again.

She fluttered up knelt in front of him, brushing the hair from his eyes.

Those eyes flicked to her. Eyes which were often soft and warm…now they were full of cold fire.

“I hope it’s not rude of me to ask…Who were those people?”

He didn’t reply at first, dropping his gaze, letting his breath rise and fall like ocean waves ripping through him, filling his eyes with saltwater.

“…Nobody.” He murmured low.

“They…” She paused a moment, trying to figure out how to delicately phrase things, “didn’t seem like nobody.”

He sat up. “…They’re not real.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to quell the burgeoning headache. “Dracula’s just trying to fuck with me.”

“Oh, indeed, I understand that.”—He shot her a reproving glance, so she continued more delicately—“…But most of Dracula’s minions don’t look human…not to mention they don’t know you…It appears to me whoever they represent were important to you.”

He didn’t respond.

“And…they did know you, right?”

He looked down to see her wringing her hands.

“What exactly are you getting at?”

“It’s just…”

It dawned on him he smiled, shifting onto his knees. “That I’m the son of Dracula.”

She opened her mouth to say something, her wings beating and stopping nervously, looking down.

“Well it is a rather strange thing for them to say isn’t it? I mean, it can’t possibly be true.”

He smirked. “What if it is?”

She fluttered up to him, examining his features closely, her mouth open the whole time.

“You are?!”

He lowered his face closer to hers so she could feel his breath, his fangs glinting, “You scared?”

“Not scared, more…confused. I mean how can Dracula have a son? And—”

He raised an eyebrow. “Would you like me to go into the details?”

“I don’t mean that!” She smacked him lightly. “I mean…How can you be his son?”

“Why can’t I be?”

“Well first of all you don’t look like him—”

“Oh? And how do you know what Dracula looks like? Have you met him?”

“Well…I…” Her eyes darted between him and the ground, apparently grappling with the idea that he knew quite well what Dracula looked like. “This castle is full of Dracula’s supporters… he seems quite persuasive.”

“I’m not sure I’d say that—over half of them are creatures without reason or free will enough to know, or care, who they’re following.”

“Still…he has no shortage of allies.”

“What’s your question?”

“…How are you not one of them?”

He smiled. “I like to think I have a little more sense of right and wrong than mindless beasts.”

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean it like that! I just mean…you’re so kind. I wouldn’t think Dracula’s son—”

“I’m not only the son of Dracula.”

She paused, thinking, before looking up. “Your mother.” Her wings fluttered as she gained understanding, floating up to his face. “It was your mother, wasn’t it? That memory we saw. The Succubus. You said that your mother never said those things.”

“Yes, she said quite the opposite, in fact.”

She fluttered back and forth—the fairy version of pacing—trying to wrap her head around it all.

“Was she married to Dracula?”

“Yes.”

“Who was she?”

“Her name was Lisa… and she was mortal.”

“Did he love her?”

He smirked at the innocent and naïve question.

“Very much. Enough that he’d destroy the world for her her.”

She paused, looking at the ground. “Is that why we must defeat him?”

He gave a small nod.

“It seems such a sad reason to have to kill him…for love.”

He looked off to the side, not saying anything.

“Come on.” He stood up. “It’s time for round two.”