#it’s so strange to me that because u see these people on a screen people become obsessed | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

colectingstrz · 10 months ago

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INCOMPATIBLE HARMONY

⤿ a beautiful passion of hatred driving a narrow pathway for foreign emotions and surging familiar ones.

𐙚 g: enimes to lovers, university au, fluff here and there, angst. wc: 10.6k w: one kiss and mentions of a parent passing p: Jay x f reader

𐙚 - like 70% proof read it’s so long I tried 😪

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ

Your mother always said, “Either kill or be killed,” and you regrettably learned the hard way. Life is not easy, and it never will be. You must work for your goals and eliminate any potential distractions, even if they are those you care about. Everything that matters is success. Yet with more independence and freedom of choice u start to crack a little straying further and further away from the motto showing weakness and vulnerability. Success no longer being your priority as you found your focus on a particular someone.

you certainly would not mind eliminating a specific individual , a pest.. a loud, foul mouthed, vile, obnoxious, beastly, filthy inconvenience such as park.

It's not surprising to hear Jay harbours the same feelings as you; it's almost romantic when you think about it. Two people with a passionate desire hatred for one another.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

Unfortunately, your Monday became more dreary when you met him waiting outside your professor's door, whom you had intended to meet.

“What are you doing here” Jay ignored you and continued typing stuff on his phone. The sound of his fingers aggressively tapping on his screen bothered you. “Hello? You know it's rude to ignore somebody while they're addressing you.”

Finally, he raises his deep, dismal eyes to meet yours. “I'm so sorry your majesty I didn't like your tone” he said with a grin “what's wrong with my tone? this is how I always talk why are your..so dramatic” You crossed your arms, your tolerance dwindling as you endured this discourse.

“No... today your tone seems more boooorish” you raised an eyebrow at his strange choice of words; you had no understanding what he had just said, which irritated you even more. You despised the way he used sophisticated vocabulary as if he were from 1985. “Do you want to purposefully mislead me? What do you think because you use fancy phrases, you're better than me, you antiquated freak”

Jay grinned. You despised it when he smiled because it felt like he was mocking you, it made you feel little, and you despised every moment of it. “Intentionally yes I'm glad to see it's working it brings me joy to see u distressed-and confused when I mess with ur little narrow minded brain maybe if u spent ur time reading rather than selling ur self out at party's every weekend you would actually know what im saying half the time”

You close your eyes sighing loudly as you try to compose your anger. He was wrong so wrong

Jay smirked as he recognised he had won. Picking up his bag, he approaches you and gently pats over your shoulder, “What's wrong? Can't bite back? Better luck next time, love.” Before you could respond, he walks away, descending down the corridor, leaving you to throw an internal fit as you accept your defeat.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

“Are you coming to Jake's party tonight? It's at his beach mansion” you shrug as you begin to gather your belongings from your desk. “I'm not sure... with this approaching test, I need time to study.” Yujin rolls her eyes, grasping your arm in a plea “Pleaaaaaaaaaaseeee I don't wanna go by myself it's just one party it's not going to ruin your perfect 4.0 GDA!” you lightly break free from her grasp, “correction it's GPA.. and stop clinging onto me like a leech I know damm well u have plenty of other friends if I don't come it's not the end of the world” She groans.

“What if it is the end of the world! your my best freind I want to go with you w..what if I pass out ?? What if I.. uh.. get lost” she blurs out nonsense and you watch in disbelief shaking your head, preparing to turn and leave.

“Park Sunghoon is comming by the way”

You come to a halt in your tracks, slowly turning around. “Really?..Are you saying that only to get me to co- “yes! Really, he's back from France now; there's no way he'll miss Jake's party.” You sigh deeply, pondering whether a single male who is cute is more essential than your future. “I'll think about it.” Yujin smiles, grabbing you in an embrace and showering you with thank yous as if you answered yes (deep down you know it was a yes as well), before she swiftly leaves for her next class.

What you felt for Sunghoon was like a disease, slowly devouring you from the inside out. You've been pinning for him since your first year of university, and you thought it was just a crush until it wasn't. Now, a year later, your feelings have grown stronger. You would do anything to be in the same space as him-not to talk just to admire from afar You were a woman of many words, but in this instance, Sunghoon was different. It's as if you lost the basic mechanics of communication when talking to him; it's too embarrassing to go through again, so you avoid it at all costs and prefer to admire his features . Even in group setting with your friends you keep your conversations to a minimum.

And, of course, evil forces decided to flirt with and entice you once more by bringing not just Sunghoon but also his pest of a friend Jay into your presence as you make your way down the hall to your next class.

“Oh hey y/n it's been a while” Sunghoon smiles as he embraces you cheerfully. “Oh..h..hi umm how was France and the skating Ice- um, I mean ice skating,” you mentally leaped in front of a bus and ran yourself over 76 times because of the idiotic mistake you just made in front of him. “The ice skating competition was good I should hear back in about a week if I've qualified for the semi finals how have you been?” He looks at you intently and quietly, waiting for your response, while Jay silently notes every element of your expression. Both of their stares made you feel little uneasy, as if you were a vase on display in a museum, attracting a lot of attention. You felt your palms start to sweat.

“That's great to hear! Um.. I've been alright just p..preparing for exams right now.” You give him a constant smile, attempting to distract him from your inability to pronounce a simple basic ass word. “Yikes, midterms.. Hope you do well-Oh! Are you going to Jake's party? Or are you going to study? Parties weren't always your thing” Just as you open your mouth to speak, a rat joins in on the conversation despite the fact that he was not invited.

“Sunghoon it seems you've been gone a while she loves parties I see her at them all with that yujin girl I'm sure she won't miss this one will you y/n?” You glare at Jay, directing your focus to him, and imagine all the horrible ways you would torture him for ruining a moment with your crush. “I'm sure she can speak for herself, and trust me, Jay y/n is not a party girl... well, I have a class to go to, so maybe I'll see you at the party,” he smiles one final time before walking away, leaving you and Jay in solitude.

“Do you lack basic manners? Why are you entering into a conversation that has nothing to do with you? He was talking to meeee the last time I checked, and your not y/n.”He shrugged, “My manners are perfect, thank you very much, and I'm open to adding my two cents wherever I want to; all I did was state the facts.” You roll your eyes and reposition your back to hang over your shoulder.

“Facts? Stop acting like you know me Jay, you don't. You're not my friend, you're not my anything. Stay out of my business and my life.” You leave him as quickly as you spoke, bumping your shoulder against his as you storm down the hall.

Something you said right then must have touched a chord, since Jay's mood plummeted for the rest of the day.

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Parties are just mobs of people, the perfect place for germs to hibernate and circulate like wildfire, with loud music that bursts your eardrums, piles of sweaty bodies, and excessive amounts of alcohol. You don't see what Yujin sees in this type of activity, but the show must go on, and it's too late to back out now.

Deeper within the mashion are Jay, Jake Sunghoon, and Jungwon, who are playing pool round after round. “Sunghoon, did you find any hot French girls or what?”Jake asks, peeking over to see Sunghoon as he effortlessly knocks down two of his targets into the hole. “Ice skating pre occupied me.. plus I still like her”

Now that Jay has disconnected from his talk with Jungwon, his ears immediately peek up at the sound of Sunghoon's crush, and he listens in curiously. He rarely discusses such topics, especially after his heartache with his ex Chaewon.

“Her? Omg bro it’s been monthhhhs” sunghoon sighs “I know.. but she’s just really pretty and kind I really want to get to know her more this year” Jake laughs placing a hand on his chest “ get to know her? Last year you barely held a conversation with the girl u need to work on your game if u wanna bag a girl like y/n”

Jay lifts his brow in disbelief and confusion. Sunghoon liked you. Considering the millions of girls he could have picked. Jay was completely baffled. Great distress surged over him. He became so outraged that he could no longer bear to listen to the discourse. Jay turns to the pool table, leaving a perplexed Jungwon in the middle of his sentence.

“Do you like y/n? Really, dude? Raise your standards.” Jake's mouth drops agape at his comment, and Sunghoon crosses his arms. “Yeah, I like her, and what about it? I think She's a great girl, what's it to you?” Sunghoon now turns to Jay, looking him down. The mood in the room shifts, and Jungwon, who is watching from a distance, becomes anxious about what is going on.

“It's nothing to do with me I'm just looking out for you as a freind she's not a good person” Sunghoon doesn't say anything for a time and simply stares at Jay. “Maybe u haven't had a good experience with her.. that's your opinion but I've had good with her and I'll stick to my opinion thanks for the concern bro” Sunghoon turns, grabs his drink, and leaves the room.

Jay gulped, grabbing the edge of the pool table firmly in rage. How could Sunghoon not realise what an awful person you were? All he wanted was to look out for him. Again, everything is always your fault. Jay groans as he steps outdoors, leaving the manshion.

He walks outdoors on the sidewalk, trailing his feet. He stares ahead to the shore, watching the clam ripples of water. He groans and walks on, but he comes to a halt when he notices you coaching against the wall with your head down.

He immediately becomes enraged again; it was your fault he was out here, and it was your reason he got into a fight with Sunghoon. He comes up to you talking this opportunity to throw a dig “so much for not being a party girl look at you here all drunk and wasted outside on the floor no self composure what so ever”

He waits, but your witty retort never arrives. He lifts his brow lightly, bending down to shove you, but is met once more with the presence of stillness. Jay feels an awful discomfort in his gut. He bends down to get a closer look, only to find your eyes closed and your hand grasping your chest while you breathe extensively.

“Y/n?… Hey y/n” he holds your shoulder trying to urge a response. “t..to many..” he moves his head closer angling his ear towards you “repeat that for me” you muster all the strength in your body to speak “c..claustrophobic..I’m..clau..” Jay hums in realisation.

He thinks quickly on his feet sitting down on the concrete, reaching for your hand and replacing the one on your chest with his own. “Listen to me right now. I need you to breathe in and out slowly, with 3 seconds in between, okay? Can u do that for me” you weakly nod, obeying his directions.

Each time you did, he would lightly sweeze your hand in encouragement, giving you reassuring “well done’s”and “your getting there's” the whole affair felt strange to you. He was really pleasant, calm, patient, and caring towards you. It was rare for Jay this came out of nowhere, but you didn't question it and accepted it with open arms because you needed it.

Shortly after you find your self calm. But the lingering feeling of jays eyes on you as the two of you sit in silence was uncomfortable. You find your self subconsciously looking down to your feet playing with your fingers. “So.. your claustrophobic I never knew that” you shrug still looking down “well yeah.. it’s not a big deal anyways” he hummus “seems like a pretty big deal if it weren’t for me you would have passed out”

You roll your eyes “no I would have been fine this isn’t the first time I topically do this alone no assistance needed park” Jay humms again his hand reaching to cup your chin forcing you to raise your head and look at him. You were shocked at the sudden contact and the way his hand felt so warm againt your cold skin. “Well..um are you okay now looking at your face you seem it” he then used his hand to turn your head slightly as he analyses your face. “I’m..I’m fine thank you”

A tingly feeling perks within him but he shuts it down nodding removing his hand from your skin. The absence of warmth had you feeling cold again but you brushed it off. Jay suddenly stands up dusting dirt off his back and reaches out his hand to you “come I’ll drive you home I’m assuming you woukd rather not go back in there” he raises a brow you nod hesitantly accepting his hand as he wraps it around your firmly.

“My car is about a 10 min walk are u fine with that? Well doesn’t matter if ur not we still have to walk regardless just letting you know anyway” you laugh a little feeling the sense of familiarity again this was more like jay. More like the jay you knew more like the jay you were used too. Yet that feeling in your stomach didn’t leave.

“Don’t do this again” you raise a brow “pardon?” Jay turns to you “going out in the dark at night in some alley by yourself something easily could have happened to you and no one would be there to save you” you roll your eyes “I know u don’t actually care about what happens to me stop acting like you do plus.. I was close to the beach house I would have been fine” jay sighs shaking his head “belive it all not im not a horrible human being your a girl and that make sure automatically vulnerable alone at night im just warning you love”

You humm “just save me next time then” you finnaly turn to look at him awaiting his reaction as he silently looks at you not saying a word. You quickly look away now feeling awkward regretting your exsistnce.

“Pay me I’m not playing superman for free”

Now at the car it’s mostly silent but a comfortable silence never in your life would you think you would be in jays car having him drive you to your dorm but life is full of surprises isn’t it. Soon you arrive home giving him a Short and firm bye before heading to your door.

Little to your knowledge even once you have entered your dorm Jay remains in his car watching you until he sees the lights shine in ur room confirming you have settled.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

Studying was supposed to be peaceful and quiet, but all of that was disrupted the moment you invited Jake to join you.

You wouldn't call him a nuisance, but he was more distracting than anything else. Every 4 minutes, he'd start chatting about strange stuff, and when he wasn't talking, he'd be toying with your hair or poking your check unless he was performing some random asmr with his pen. Sometimes you wish you could just duct wrap his mouth so he would stop talking.

“Jake... please I'm really trying to focus here you know I have an exam soon” he looks down as if you had just rejected or something it made you feel a little bad “Fine.. if you want me gone just say that!” He crosses his arms and looks away, and you sigh, rubbing his shoulder, “It's not that it’s just you talk too much, I need quiet... on second thought yeah, leave, we can hang out later.” You sigh and Jake's mouth opens wide at your unexpected change of direction, huffing silently as he turns to go.

Peace and quiet has made a comeback

You smile to yourself as you study, but as usual, your tranquilly is short-lived when you hear the loud smack of a book beside you. Looking up, there's no one but jay. You raise a curious eyebrow; hardly one visits this section of the library unless a friend tags along, and you've never seen Jay here.

“What brings you here you don't come here this is my space” Jay ignores you, bringing out his laptop, iPad, and any extra papers. “I've come here to study obviously your not the only one who has exams here and last time I checked your name isn't plastered anywhere here so this is everyone's space,” he smiles and returns to getting his stuff.

You groan, your gaze returning to your laptop to drown him out and remain focused. However, that was difficult to do given how fiercely he was looking at you.

“Um, is there a reason why you keep looking at me like that? It makes me uncomfortable.” Jay's eyes stay hanging on yours. “Looking at you? what is it a crime to look at another human being? Arrest me.” He rolls his eyes. You shake your head, closing your laptop and giving him your entire attention.

“Your looking at me like ur going to eat me alive I don't like it please direct your eyes Literally anywhere else” Jay chuckles, moving his head closer to the point your noses would almost just almost connect . “Maybe I should eat you so I don't have to hear your nagging every day. I'll devour you whole nice and slow..how does that sound?”

Unbeknownst to you, a flush rushed across your ears, to which Jay saw with a wide grin. “That's!..that's really inappropriate, Jay. You can't just say things like that to a woman.” He tilts his head, leaning closer. His hot breath stimulating your exposed skin.

“I didn't mean it in that way get your head out of the gutter you.. naughty girl tsk” he paused for a second before starting again “plus I don't really see you as a woman” you raise a brow in disbelief and offence.

“So you’re gay?”

He then abruptly moved back. “Gay? Don't make such a misleading statement; I'm really attracted to women.” You smile slightly, seeing this as an opportunity to twist him even further. “But if you do not view me as a woman, you must see me as a man? And you want to devour this man whole, don't you? Nice and slow Don't worry, your secret is safe with me,” you giggle, covering your mouth from laughing so hard as you watched the dread drown out his face, which turned pale.

“Shut up you’re always so loud and wrong you really think I like men?” You nod “this conversation is proof right here of the Jay is gay statement” Jay places his fingers gently squeezing his temple in vexation. He didn’t appreciate being accused of liking men when he clearly is straight and didn’t like that it was you out of all people.

But

Suddenly he felt the need-the urge to prove it to you he wanted to show you just how wrong you were he wanted to put you in your place and shut you up. So he did just that

Jay leans over in a matter of seconds, one hand behind your neck, the other yanking on your lanyard, forcing tight proximity as he slams his lips against yours. If someone walked in right now, they wouldn't believe their eyes. You didn’t belive it yourself.

His lips brushed against yours, softly and carefully, like you were fragile and he was scared to shatter or harm you. His lips graced yours like butterfly wings, just long enough for him to inhale your breath, feeling the warmth of your skin in his palm as he pulled you in deeper, and the flavour of your strawberry lipgloss lingered in his head, driving him insane.

As soon as it started it quickly ended as you somehow snapped back into reality and roughly pushed him for you. Not wanting to meet his gaze you turn hastily packing your things and leaving as quickly as possible. Leaving a stunned and confused Jay alone in the library.

You slide your back down the wall of an empty corridor, like a dramatic main lead In a teenage drama attempting to regain your calm and gain a grasp of what happened just a few seconds earlier. Were you crazy--or was he crazy? Why did he kiss you, and why was it so long? Most importantly, why did you like it? You loved it You smacked yourself to recover your focus. Choosing to disregard this portion of the day as if it never occurred so that you can sleep soundly tonight.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

After ten minutes of overthinking your life choices in the lounge area, the bell rings for lunch. You grab your phone and text Yunjin to come meet you as soon as possible. She soon appears and sits next to you. You had intentions of telling her but you couldn’t bring yourself too

“What's so urgent that you nee- you having a bad makeup day?” You lift your eyebrow “What?” “My makeup is fine, what do you mean?" she shakes her head, pointing to your lips. “Not your entire makeup, just your lip makeup, it's all smudged.” Flickers of the kiss swarm in your thoughts, making you nauseous.

You quickly get out your mirror attempting to fix it.

“Jay can I ask you something?” Jay nods as he takes a bite out of his sandwich “you smell unusual today” Jay raises an eyebrow, causing Jungwon and Sunghoon to focus on Jake's words: “Yeah, I noticed you smelled kinda fruity today, like... starberries” Jungwon continues, causing Jake to nod in agreement, “I don't smell like that; you're probably smelling something else.”

Unknowingly, while Jay continued to eat, seemingly a little concerned by the claims, Sunghoon discreetly watched Jay, his gaze fixed on the faint hint of lipgloss on his lips.

“Oh my gosh... look at his lips, there's lipgloss. You must have had some action before lunchtime,” Jake wriggles his brows, elbowing Jay. He gulps uneasily, caressing his lip and instantly recalling what he had done; he closes his eyes in regret. “Unless…ur gay? Or something I don’t discriminate ” Jake patted his shoulder

“I knew it I knew u were gay” jay now shoots his head up at that voice your voice as you and yunjin approach his table. You and yunjin were freinds with the rest of jays freinds and sometimes would eat with them though yunjin would limit interactions with jay as by her words “any enemy of my friends is an enemy of mine”

“Jay is gay?” Sunghoon laughs and finally joins the conversation, “Jay and gay, that rhymes!” Jake yelled earning some looks directed at your table Jay simply scowls, “Shut up, both of you.” Jay stands up and grabs his bag and sandwich before leaving. You sighed with relief as he went; sitting directly opposite him seemed wired after what had happened.

It appears that both of you failed to sleep well that night, so you spent it studying to pass the time, while Jay spent it twisting and turning in his bed, extremely upset and ashamed by his irresponsible behaviour. He wishes he could go back in time and prevent it from ever happening.

However, the burning sensation in his chest could not be ignored, and the taste of your strawberry lipgloss lingered on his tongue. He closed his eyes, remembering the taste and feel of your soft lips on his.

The next day was difficult, primarily because you had a council meeting, and of course the vice president had to be Jay, and you the head sadly had a private meeting every 15th, which left you two sitting in an office in silence

“Sooooo..” You spoke but no other words left your lips “should we reschedule this meeting at this rate we will make no progress if you can't even look me in the eye” you grimace a little

“Maybe if a certain somone didn’t just pull up and force themselves onto me I could look them in the eye” you whisper slightly folding your arms turning away. “Force? I didn’t force myself onto you it was mutual” you raise a brow “was it how?”

“You kissed me back and even added your tongue a little; you were clearly into it and wanted it- “shut up please” you placed your fingers on his lips, shushing him before he could humiliate you any further. “Can we change the subject I’m begging” Jay wanted to say more, but judging by your tone and look, he held back.

“Sorry” now, for the first time since this meeting began, you choose to look him in the eye “it was wrong of my to just kiss you out of nowhere I didn't respect your boundaries and I apologise” stunned, you remained silent for a moment before answering “thank you Jay” you smile a little for a split second before it fades away, not wanting to smile for too long because it's Jay after all.

He nods “can we like.. forget this ever happened” you don’t know what it is that you felt then but it was unsettling. You gulped it down agreeing with jays words. “Then let’s start this meeting then”

After a long 30-minute meeting, you and Jay split ways. You go to the library again because you have some free time and run into Sunghoon along the way. You consider many options for running. It's too late; he's already noticed you and invited you to come over.

“hi Sunghoon,” he smiles, waving, “hi y/n, so... do you have any free time right now?” You said, with a nod, “wanna come watch me practise at the rink?” You nodded again, but this time with too much enthusiasm, like a dog. You were embarrassed, but it was difficult to contain your excitement.

౨�� ˖ ࣪⊹

It was chilly. Fortunately, Sunghoon, being the gentleman he is, offered you his puffer, and even though you declined it 15 times, he insisted on forcing you to put it on and zipping you up. The attention in this situation felt good.

You stared in admiration as he skated; he was truly in his element, doing what he does best. You were captivated by how beautifully he swirled and twirled. You hoped you could watch him every day if your schedule wasn't so busy. Interrupting your little display, Yujin texted you.

Yapper: me and the guys are comming over the the rink to ice skate do you wanna come with?

Me: I’m already there? I’m watching Sunghoon practice :)))

Yapper : ARE U LOT ON A ICEY SKATEY DATE? ARE WE INTERRUPTING

Me: NO. He just asked since I also had a free you guys can still come it would be fun I’ll let Sunghoon know

Yapper: if you say so 👀 and btw your bestie is comming

Me: shut up you know dam well he’s not my “bestie” call him that again and I’ll block you

Calling out to Sunghoon, you step down and stand at the edge so he can hear you. “The others are coming down to skate by the way." Sunghoon nods. “Is Jay coming?” You're confused as this was such an unusual and precise inquiry to ask; he should just assume he's coming. You wanted to question further.

“Why are you asking? Is there a reason he shouldn't come?" Sunghoon hastily shakes his head, “I was only wondering—“why? Did something happen?” Sunghoon shakes his head again, “no, I just want to know that's all,” you humm, not believing a word he says. It's times like these that your psychology major comes in handy it was obvious he was lying to you. “Jay is coming”

Soon after they arrived, as you had previously briefed Sunghoon, he prepared and distributed everyone's skates. Jake eagerly put on his skates, excited and ready to go and followed Sunghoon towards the rink. Even when Jungwon and Yujin joined, you still struggled to put on your left shoe.

You attempted to fit your foot in again but failed. You were ready to give up and just watch instead.

“Are you gonna cry over an ice skate?” He teased triggering your frown “No!..this is just really hard” you turn back and try to put it back on for the fifth time. Jay rises up and crouches down in front of you, keeping the shoe in place.

“What are you—“helping I'm helping you, dumbass I'm holding the shoe in place so you can put your foot in, go on.” You comply, pushing your foot in with ease. Before you could reach down to tie the lace, Jay beats you to it, tapping your foot lightly once he's finished. “Thanks” Jay hummed as he turned to leave. Realisation came over you immediately, and you grabbed the hem of his jeans. “Wait, I don't think I can walk on my own. Just help me to the entrance” Jay grumbled, carrying your body up with ease.

“I'll just hold your hand the whole way and bring you to Yujin alright” you agreed, and he now held your hand in his, and you felt the warmth again, just like that night. You didn’t want to let go. Though from afar a pair of flaming eyes watched the scene unfold

“Come on Sunghoon I'm showing you my spin!” Jake yelled as he dragged Sunghoon's arm, diverting his attention. Despite this, Sunghoon cast glances at you and Jay as you entered the rink hand in hand, like some corny couple, and clinched his teeth in anger.

“This is so scary!” Jay glances at you, “You haven't done this before?” You shake your head. “No... this is all new to me, which is why I couldn't do my other shoe properly.” Jay now turns to you, putting your other hand in his. “Do you want me to show you something? I won't let go; don't worry, I'm not the evil creature you see me to be” his comment makes you chuckle “you sooo are if there wasn't any witness I'm so confident you would let go and leave me to fall” Jay rolls his eyes and begins to skate backwards slowly. “w..woah there What are you doing!? What if you bumb into someone! And then boom I fall have an accident and crack my head open and blee-“shh..clam down love im a pro.. I know exactly what im doing now watch and learn newbie”

Jay effortlessly glides backwards, occasionally whirling the two of you in a circle, abruptly changing from fast to slow and slow to fast. It made you a little disoriented, but it was entertaining. Soon, your freinds took notice.

“ I never thought I would see jay and y/n that close to eacother with out any violence involved” jungwon said with a smile “same.. when i look at them now it's kinda cute don't you think ?” Yujin seems complexly clueless of Sunghoon's crush on you: “uh.. nahh, I don't see it”Jake rushes in and shuts off that particular issue, mindful of Sunghoon's facial expression. Jake quickly skates towards the two of you and splits you up.

“Hey guysss y/n I wanna show u somthing come” Jake takes your hands, replacing Jay's warm ones with his chilly ones and yanking you away from him. You felt empty again, and you weren't sure why.

After approximately an hour of ceaseless skating, the others left for ice cream, but you, Jay, and Sunghoon decided to go to study. It felt odd walking back to campus; you could sense the tension, as if you knew something had happened and wanted to know more.

Before u had the chance to bring it up Sunghoon departed calming “something came up” leaving you and Jay alone. It was silent but a comfortable silence you kept talking glances at Jay really only because he kept talking glances at you he seemed he wanted to say somthimg so you gave him the green light

“I know u have something to say don’t be a pussy” Jay chocked on air at the sudden directness “well.. if you say so then please just here here me out when I say this but I really need something form you it’s kinda last minute but your the only option I have” You nodd urging him to talk “my mom is hosting one of her business events but during it she wants to set me up with a daughter of one of her brand partners but shes..she’s I can’t stand her really and..I was wondering-hoping actually if you can step in just for tonight as my temporary date so my mom doesn’t set me with her…??” Jay closes his eyes expecting the worst yet you say nothing he opens your eyes to observe you

Your countenance gradually changes, and you burst out laughing, “Jay, I never took you for the funny type, oh my..” Jay doesn't find any of this funny and frowns “I'm being serious y/n” you glance at him and your face slowly lowers as you realise he is genuinely serious “ well first of all, I don't wanna be dragged into y'all's rich people drama before they assassinate me in my sleep or some shit” Jay throws his hands in the air “no!..no this is real life not some tv show bs your overthinking this nothing bad is going to happen its just one night stop being dramatic!”

“I am not finished. Second, you don't really like me, and I don't really like you, so it makes no sense that we act like a couple. Third, I'm sure someone else would be better for this... you're not all that dumb, so no way I'm a contender.” Jay sighs, recognising that convincing you will be more difficult than he expected. He lays his hands on both shoulders and shoots you with an expression of great desperation.

“I can't ask anyone else; it's this night, and I'm running out of time. You're the only person I think can handle or tolerate my mother. I really need this, please. I'll do everything, give you anything, just do me this one favour.” You place your finger on your chin and tap it, trying to prolong this moment enjoying every second of jays expression. You glance into his yearning stare. “Hmm, I don't know..” Jay holds your shoulder more tightly than previously. “Please y/n you owe me I've helped you 2 times now this is the least you can do for me” you let out a sigh giving in “sure give me 50k” Jay opens his mouth in surprise at the outrageous quantity.

“Oh that’s not..” you sigh “you said anything this classifies as anything your rich aren’t you? You’re basically a walking bank! this should be nothinggg” Jay sighs “fine..but only after you have gone I’ll send it to you understood” you nod “if this is what its like to have a sugar daddy..then I’ll gladly come to every event can you imagine? 50k per event I might as well drop out of uni and start travelling the world” Jay chuckles at your imagination he found you amusing.

“I think I'm a bit young to be a sugar daddy plus I would never willingly wanna spoil a brat like you someone like you needs discipline” your smile dimes kissing your teeth you pinch his arm earning a groan

“What makes you think I want you to be my sugar daddy!? I'm not a brat, and I don't deserve to be disciplined at all, especially by someone like you. Take your own advice.” Jay hums, “You want to discipline me? Didn’t know you were into that” He smirked, leading you to glance away. “Why are you saying it that way!..You're so weird Jay, this is why you don't get any girls because you're a fucking creep.” He laughs, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye.

“yet your going to a fancy event with this creep tonight aren’t you?”

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

Another thing you didn't expect was Jay to be in your dorm room, just you and him. Jay had bursted in pushing some bags into your chest.

“What's this?” He rolls his eyes. “Are you blind?” It's obviously shopping bags full of clothes and shoes. Use your common sense...anyway, I chose this outfit out for you, so go and wear it; the party is in an hour.” You grumble in irritation, going to the bathroom to change.

You would have preferred that instead of parting ways after the conversation, he had informed you of the timing so you could have begun working on your hair and makeup instead of turning up to close to the time where you were in your lounge wear

After getting ready, you come out and present yourself to Jay. It was a long wine-colored green dress shoulder less showing your collarbone. The sleeves ended at your wrist, slightly flared. It embraced your curves, trailing down to the floor and encompassing your body--in a wonderful manner. Jay matched it with gold earrings that flowed down, a simple necklace with a diamond in the centre, and low heels. Jay hummed in fulfilment, looking down at you from top to bottom.

“How do I look?” Jay nods, “You look good, so good I'll turn straight for you.” You smile and laugh at his comment. It seemed he did have a sense of humour. You excuse yourself shortly rushing to do your hair and makeup while Jay is getting ready in your room. Shortly after, you emerge, stunned to discover his finished look.

He was dressed in an all-black suit with a black turtleneck, which wonderfully highlighted his features, particularly his jawline. You didn't want to acknowledge it, but he looked great. You subconsciously ogled at him, and Jay smiled proudly. “You like what you see love?” You shake your head, “Meh, it's fine I guess.” Jay grins to himself at how quickly you denied, as if your mouth didn't water at the sight of him. “Well then let's get going wouldn't want to be late now would we”

Soon you arrive. Jay comes out and opens your door, assisting you out of the vehicle and locking it behind him. He rests his hand on your waist, but he soon removes it. You turn to him “Can I put my hands there? Are you okay with that?” You nod gently, reassuring him. He places his hand back there, confirming to you the warmth you didn't realise you were missing. It made you feel at ease.

You both walk in while Jay greets all these people you don't recognise. To say you felt out of place is an understatement; you were dressed appropriately, but you didn't feel the part. Soon, a woman appeared, and from her appearance, you could tell she was Jay's "scary" mother, his words not yours.

“Hello, my lovely boy. Oh! And who could this be? Jay smiles and pulls you closer, “This is my date y/n.. and y/n this is my mother.” You bow and smile at her. “hello it's lovely to meet you Mrs park” His mother looks you over, looking for flaws to criticise you for. She stiffly smiles, but you know it's not genuine. “Hello there dear.. it's a pleasure to meet you. What do your parents do hmm?” You gulp.

Clearly, you and Jay did not think this through; you had not prepared anything, so you simply stated the truth. “My father was a senior clinical psychologist and my mother is a paralegal” she hums as she takes a sip of her drink. “So your parents aren't doing so well,” “ah.. what a same” you wrinkle a brow, “pardon? What do you mean by that, Mrs. Park,” she shrugs.

“A psychologist? Might as well have been a doctor, far more money, and a paralegal, was it not enough to not just be a lawyer, maybe she failed law school? I guess.. everyone has to find a means to get by."

Your rage must have been obvious. Jay gently squeezed your waist, rubbing it slightly. You couldn't tell if it was to calm you down or a warning not to overreact, but you moved on impulse. No one would speak about your parents, especially your father, who had passed away.

“Listen here..Mrs Park. I do not appreciate your comments regarding my parents' employment. As you seem to be unaware about, a psychologist is a very wonderful vocation. My father was the head of his own business and owned it; he worked in private health care. He earned a lot of money, more than enough to fucking survive…” you took a deep breath to gain composure ��Oh! and for your information, I'm also studying psychology so that when I'm older, I can be as successful as my father-and just because my mother isn't in the spotlight of a law profession doesn't mean her work is any less important; she does all of the behind-the-scenes paperwork without the help of others like her , lawyers would have nothing to present in court. I’m sure you didn’t know that since your mindset is clearly limited”

Mrs park gasps and opens her mouth to inject but you cut her off “My mother makes a lot of money; she's not a billionaire, but she lives nicely and has raised me and my brothers comfortably, so do your research before you start talking down on jobs.” You handed Jay your drink and turned away to leave.

Jay's mother was taken aback because no one had ever spoken to her like that before. She was silent; you chewed and spat her out. As yunijin would say “you ate that girl” Jay was fairly pleased of how you stood up for yourself in the face of disagreements. One thing he liked about you was that no matter who it were, you held firm for what you believed in and never gave in to anyone else. “That insolent, arrogant brat! How could she!?” Jay turned to his mother. “She may be a brat at times, but she is not arrogant in general please stop from talking about my date in any unfavourable way, mother…” Jay quickly turned to walk after you.

You sigh as you step out onto a random balcony, embracing the chill. You lean on the edge, looking over the neighbourhood and gazing at the stars.

“The sky is beautiful isn't it?” You humm your eyes, not leaving what is in front of you. “Are you trying to flirt with me right now?” He rolls his eyes “maybe.. is it working love?” you smirk “if anything im turned off repulsed even disgusted it- “alright no need to over do it like I'm some creature who lacks in every ability to charm a woman” you look him in the eye “maybe you are? But one things for sure you certainly did not charm ms back there park. Neither your mother but that’s not the focus”

Jay's smile shrivels under the implications of your words, and he moves closer to you. “Listen.. my mother, like I said, she's scary, and it's hard to voice my opinions against her.” You cross your arms. “I get that, but she basically humiliated and billeted my parents. I know we're not close, but even if you said something or tried to stop her, I'd have appreciated feeling like im not on my own back there...you know? But I think I anticipated too much from you.”

Jay sighed. “What do you mean by that, and what are you trying to say? Trust me, I wanted to say something but couldn't bring myself to…” “ I'm sorry, I really wish I said something. I didn't like how she talked to you either, and I want to take accountability for that because she's my mother. I feel partly responsible, especially since I brought you here; it's my fault. I'm so sorry, y/n, and I completely understand if you just want to leave, you can I won't force you to stay.”

You turn and move approach him. You had no idea what possessed you to do such a thing, but before you realised it, you had placed a palm on his cheek, cupping it. “Honestly, everything is fine. I get where you're coming from. I don't know about your relationship with your mother, but if it's as difficult as you claim, I'll go with it. It's fine; I handled everything on my own rather well, didn't I?” You smile to yourself with pride. “I’m an independent woman after all”

Jay returned the same look, and if it hadn't been so dark, you would have noticed how bright his cheeks were at the contact of your cold hands “I like my women independent” he winked at you, causing you to quickly retreat your hand back using it to hit his chest “s..stop it” Jay smiles “would you believe me if I told you I stayed silent because I knew you were going to jump in so there was no need..haha” you flick him in the arm, making him yelp “don't make me change my mind park” jay quickly shook his head “just a jokey joke..” You smile as you move towards the door, “No worries then let's continue what we started”

The rest of the night went nicely; Jay's mother scowled at you the entire time, but never said anything, which you appreciated, and the meal was as good as you expected. “So this is what you affluent people do when you're bored?” he shrugs. “I suppose so.. I have these all the time” “How do you have time to prepare for midterms? Especially if it's 11 p.m. and no one appears ready to go home” you raise a brow awaiting his reaction “well... I make it work and quit interviewing me” you frown

“I am not interviewing you. I am only asking some inquiries. Can't a girl be curious?” he rolled his eyes, “you seem too curious for someone who doesn't like me”

“Well maybe I don't like you a little less than before” Jay raises an eyebrow, querying how you worded your sentence “Clearly, you visit the library, but not enough. Your sentence is grammatically incorrect nevertheless, I know how to decode the drivel you spew, therefore I understand you.” As usual, Jay had to find a way to irritate you. “If you understand me, you could have just said thank you and called it a night.” Jay laughs, looking at his watch.

“Like you said it's getting late we have class tommrow come on let's go I'll drive you home” you nod “loving the jays girlfriend experience it's a shame you have such as attitude for that I'll rate it a 7/10” Jay stands up with his hand against your back, guiding you through the crowd. “A 7/10? Come on, I treated you well tonight; I even gave you this lovely outfit and shoes, and I- “woah, woah, cool down, I was just kidding.. you've been so sweet to me today I’ve basically fallen in love with you at this point” you smile.

“Your in love with me?” You hum “I said basically doesn’t mean I actually am don’t get my words twisted I know how badly you want me and all..” you wait for his response yet all he does is stare at you with a look. A particular look you recognise, the look he gave you before he kissed you that day. Was he going to do it again? You secretly hoped he would.

“Y/n actually I- Jay! Is that you my favourite nephew I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

Dispite the interruption Jay isn't sure what hit him, but he wanted to make you smile like that again and again, and he yearned for another time when he could be alone with you and do whatever he wanted.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

From that day onwards You and Jay were near each other more from the start. You studied together, spent your spare time together, and even greeted each other in the hallway. While you still had some arguments and words flung back and forth, they were less frequent and less sour and bitter.

“Jay Jay Jay jaayyyyyyy” he hummed as you poked his cheek. He felt the sharp agony of your acrylics scraping his cheque, but not wanting to upset you, he took the pain silently, allowing you to do whatever you pleased. “I've been thinking we should go out,” he shoots his head up. “G..go out really ?” You agree, “Yeah, there's this cool bowling place that opened about 15 minutes away from campus; we should go together.” Jays smile dropped as glad as he was to go with you, he was hoping it was to “go out with you,” if you catch the drift

But Jay was happy that you were happy and that’s what matters now. Your closeness to eacother was somthing Your friends soon all picked up on yet no one questioned it too much because they were relieved that everyone in the group was now on good terms.

But was that really the case?

What was supposed to be a relaxed atmosphere transformed into an uneasy, uncomfortable quiet. Jay Jake Sunghoon and Jungwon are present, but despite the normal cheerful environment, today no one speaks.

“So.. what's up guys..” Jake sought to break the silence but received no response. He sighs and sinks into the chair, succumbing to defeat. “Actually Jake..” Sunghoon answers “I wanna know what's up too” he speaks addressing Jake, but his eyes are straight on Jays, and Jay understands precisely what he is talking about.

“If you have somthing to say just be straight with me Sunghoon” he clicks his tongue againt his check growing agitated “what I can’t seem to understand.. is how you wanted me to stay away from her so bad because she’s a “bad person” yet all of a sudden your associating yourself with you even hanging out with her privately which you never did before..”

“Honestly I wish I could give you a straight answer for that.. but I can't really explain how I feel and I'm sorry for how I acted back then towards you about it I shoukd have just been true with my intentions” he said “then what are your intentions” Jay gulped, little nervous beneath his gaze, “I like her too, Sunghoon, and I think I always have..maybe ”

The room fell silent as Sunghoon's eyes ramined on Jay's eyes, twitching fingernails digging into his skin as his skin redness became sore. “I feel like such a fool.. my best friend has been lying to me all this time I knew it that day with the smell it was y/n's I smelled the same when I invited her to ice skate with me.. you've been lying under my nose this whole time kissing her doing god knows what with he for all I know! when I expressed my fucking interest in her!” Jay felt terribly awful for how it all played out. He wished things had been different, he wished he had never liked you or that sunghoon had never liked you in the first place, but it was too late.

“Sunghoon, I-“save it” he stood up, grabbing his bag departing. Jay gazed down with regret. Jake sighed and hurriedly stood up to follow, while Jungwon remained behind to check on Jay.

Straight after class you proceed to the lounge and in the corner you find Jay and Jungown. You approach them ready to say high until you catch on to the vibes. As you gaze at their looks bewildered, you pry

“Guys? Is everything alright?” They both glance at you silently. Jay says nothing at first but mutters a brief “I'll talk to you later” as he collects his things and leaves. Jungwon tags along, giving you an apologetic look as he departs, leaving you perplexed and alone to ponder your feelings.

Jay has distanced himself since that day. Perhaps you would have preferred not to see his face back then, but the you now dreaded it. He became part of your routine, something you looked forward to, and now it's as if it never happened. You waved at him in the canteen one day, he looked away, (ouch) the next you asked him a question, he got up and left, the other at the store he made eye contact with you and went into another section , you called, he declined, you texted, he was online but left you on delivered.

It's almost pathetic how badly you wanted to talk to him despite the fact that he ignored you every time, but you didn't want to give up; you had some hope that he'd ultimately talk to you, but he didn't.

Yujin was becoming concerned about your state; you stopped hanging out with the others at lunch, you didn't respond to the group chat despite being the most active, you stayed in your dorm most of the time and stopped going out with everyone, and when you did, you looked tired and drained this wasn't like you at all.

“What could I have done wrong yujin.. I don’t understand we were so fine like 2 weeks ago then boom ghosted” yujin sighed as she pattered your back in attempts to comfort you she truely didn’t understand either “I really don’t know.. it seems you guys were fine from what I saw maybe it’s a him issue”

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹

Now it's the 15th, the day you dreaded. You had no idea how you would deal with Jay, or if he would even show up, because he now appears to despise you. You felt your stomach churn, which was a restless sensation. Taking the deepest breath your body could bear, you opened the door to see Jay sitting with some papers and reading them. You silently step in, locking the door behind you and sitting a few seats away while bringing out your paperwork.

Silence. As you expected

But impulsively it felt like the one chance you had to receive answers and closure because there were no excuses for him to run away and ignore you. “Jay” he hummed, not looking up, “why are you ignoring me? Have I done something wrong?” Jay doesn't say anything for a moment but eventually says “no”

“Why am I getting silent treatment then? And look at me when I'm talking to you.” Jay sighs softly, looking up to meet your gaze, and immediately lowers in sorrow as he sees your expression. “I've been wondering for weeks what I must have done to irritate you.. but I can't put my finger on it. We were getting there, Jay and we were getting along..then you just cut me off out of nowhere. What was the point if you were just going to do this? You might as well have just let me live my life, but no you made things complicated.”

“I..I'm sorry” you scoff in incredulity. He's not sorry; if he was, he wouldn't have done this to you in the first place if he cared enough. “ If you were sorry, you would not treat me this way, or... is this the goal to make me like you so you can then mess with my emotions!? and make me feel like shit since you despise me so much? If so well done actor of the fucking year.. you fooled me for sure.” You shake your head standing up, Jay replicates your movement, reaching out quickly seizing your wrist.

“Hey... no, no, it's not like that at all! Please hear me out. I didn't want to handle things this way” you sharply, remove your hands from his grip. The warmth he once gave you feeling disgusting It's as if a switch went off in your head, erasing any developing feelings and replaced them with what you once knew.

“What? Want to mislead me again with your lies and restart the cycle? Cut it out, Jay, you've won! Are you pleased with your achievements? Are you satisfied? And to think I thought we could someday... well, it doesn't matter anymore, does it? I don't want anything to do with you, Jay.” Jay was frustrated and scared, and he didn't know what to do. He attempted to convince you, but you refused to listen.

You turn to leave, ignoring his pleads. “Jay, if you know what's good for you, stay away from me right now. You've been doing so well lately, I'm sure it won't be a problem for you. Keep up the good work goodbye Jay,” you turn away, slamming the door behind you, leaving Jay to linger in remorse.

In frustration, he smashed his fists against the table, turning red. He was extremely angry. Angry at himself for being so dumb and small-minded; if he had just been honest with you, maybe things would have been different. Jay wasn't sure what to call it, but it felt like heartbreak more than anything. A wave of anguish overtook him, robbing him of appetite. He felt intense pain in his midsection, like if a shard had sliced through his gut. It felt like death, like despair, choking his body's breath and shutting down his brain effecting his ability to think.

With each passing day, you take another step away from him leaving him in the dark as he once did to you , roles now reversed he feels the same pain you did. despite his constant request and pleas that you show some signs. Your eyes show him distrust, and an averted stare.

“She's leaving today she didn't even say goodbye” Jake frowns and looks down as Jay strides into the room, reading a brow. “Who's leaving?” Jake and Yujin froze. “Uh.. no body jay it's nothing” he crosses his arms “tell me” Yujin keeps her mouth shut to keep her world safe, whereas Jake blabbers your secret under even the slightest pressure.

“Y/n! She is travelling for Canada today- her flight is at 8:45” Jake hurriedly covers his lips while Yunjin slaps him harshly on the shoulder “your so... useless,” she sighs in annoyance now looks at Jay "if your thinking of going don't bother there is no way you will make it in an hour she will be gone and wants nothing to do with..”

Yunjin halts in her sentence in shock as Jay speeds out his room you could practically feel the gust of wind from the speed at which Jay ran to his car. This was his last chance he had to at least try maybe now maybe now you would be willing to talk to him and sourt things out he needed and has been yurning to be in your Presence for so long

You sighed as you waited in queue to board your flight. Was this a hasty decision? Perhaps would it would improve your mental health 100%, especially since it was only for the rest of the academic year you needed this time for yourself. As you go through your playlist, you select a song and discreetly hum along to it, closing your eyes and immersing yourself in the music.

“Y/n!”

You were so engrossed in your music that you missed Jay desperately calling out your name as you made your way to the front, scanning your passport and pulling your bags closer to the jet. Jay worried and tried to get closer to you, but the airport was packed with people "y/n!" He called for you again.

But it was too late your figure was gone.

You wonder occasionally if you and Jay were actually incompatible , and how two wrongs may function together so strangely. Was your perfect harmony a lie?. Was it only temporary, or was it even there at all?-Or simply a thought you deluded yourself into thinking since you craving his attention so much.

You guess you will never know and neither will he.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ ౨ৎ

ᝰ.ᐟ - note : after being gone for moths I’ve finnaly had the motivation to writeeee. This has taken me days hopefully you enjoyed and thank you for reading ૮₍ ˶•⤙•˶ ₎ა

@SOOTREEPEAR

#sootreepear #enhablr #en web #jay x y/n #jay enha #jay x you #park jongseong #jongseong x reader #jongseong angst #enhypen jongseong #jay fanfic #enhypen jay #jay enhypen #enhypen x reader #jay x reader #enhypen #enhypen fic #enhypen fanfiction #enha

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mustainegf · 17 days ago

Note

heyy lovely 🤭🤭

So I have an idea where Current!James and reader are at some kind of show/cinema where they sit together and start to tease each other James starts to finger reader and the reader tries to touch James until they come🤭🤭 maybe daddy kink too or smth everything u want❤️❤️ just make it extra risky and spicy👀

𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐒 ²⁰²⁴

We had been together for quite some time, but there was something about being alone with James that made every feeling like a first. I sat in the back row of this dark movie theater, could feel the weight of his presence next to me, his arm draped casually over my shoulder. The movie playing across the screen was background noise at that moment, drowned out by the thrum of my heartbeat and the way his fingers started tracing slow, deliberate circles on my thigh.

It felt like he was doing that on purpose, teasing me enough to make me squirm in my chair. I shifted, hoping no one noticed the way I reacted to him. His touch was firm but gentle, and I found myself pressing into it, wanting more. James was always good at keeping control, even when I wasn't. He enjoyed seeing me try to restrain myself.

His warm breath danced across my ear as he leaned in close. "Be a good girl for me, alright?" His voice was low, almost a growl, sending shivers down my spine. I nodded, swallowing hard as I glanced around the theatre. There weren't many people here tonight, just a few dotted couples throughout. The dark gave us cover, but it also made every sensation more intense.

His hand inched lower, slipping beneath the waistband of my leggings, and my breath hitched. So intimate, it sent a rush through me. He knew just how to take his time, how to build anticipation until I was literally shaking for him. His fingers slid deeper, and I bit my lip, trying to keep quiet. My hand was clenched tightly around the armrest as his fingers moved with purpose, brushing over sensitive skin and making me emit a soft gasp.

"James-" I whispered, but he cut me off.

"Daddy," he corrected me, his tone firm but teasing.

I looked up to him, my gaze meeting his, dark with intent. The way he looked at me spoke volumes about who was in control here. "Daddy," I whispered, the word shaking. It sounded strange to use that word now, in this intimate of moments, and yet it sounded right.

"Good girl," he whispered, bearing down now, making me grasp the armrest more firmly. He was unyielding in his rhythm, every stroke sending shockwaves through me, crescendoing and building until my mind was muddled. Every time I would start to make a noise, his other hand would come up and cover my mouth, reminding me we were not alone.

The tension between us grew thicker. My body reacted to his every touch. I could feel the pool of heat inside me, making it harder and harder to keep quiet. His fingers worked with precision-teasing me, pushing me closer and closer to the edge, then tugging back just enough to keep me wanting. It was maddening, in the best kind of way.

I looked at him once more, lips parting to plead, but he arched his brow-the silent order given. I bit back my words, nodding instead. He wanted control, and I was more than willing to give it to him.

"You're doing so well," he whispered in my ear, the praise sending my pulse racing. The rhythm of his fingers grew swifter, and swifter, and I had no control at all over the soft moan that burbled from my lips. In an instant, his hand was clamped firmly over my mouth, warm and strong against my lips.

"Shh," he warned, though the amusement was crystal clear in his voice. "You don't want everyone to hear, do you?"

I shook my head, my breaths coming in short, desperate gasps. The pleasure was overwhelming now, threatening to spill over, and I could feel myself losing the last bit of control I had. He must have felt it, too, because he leaned in closer, his lips brushing my neck.

"Let go for me," he whispered, his voice sending shivers through me. "You know you want to."

I did. More than anything. His fingers moved with purpose, and I could feel the release building inside me, so close now. My body tensed and I grabbed onto his arm, holding on for dear life as he pushed me over the edge.

The wave of pleasure hit all at once, powerful, consuming. I buried my face in his shoulder, trying to muffle the sounds of my release as one could. I could feel the trembling, my legs shaking while he kept his fingers moving, drawing every last bit of pleasure from me as squirt gushed and soaked my leggings. I'm not sure how long it lasted, but it felt like forever and was amazing.

By the time it finally began to subside, I slumped back against him, my body spent. He drew his hand out very slowly, his fingers teasing me with one last brush. I was still panting, trying to catch my breath, when he leaned in again.

"Such a good girl," he said, his voice low, satisfied. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my temple. A heat spread over me, but it had absolutely nothing to do with the afterglow. It was how he looked at me, like I was everything he wanted, everything he needed in that moment.

"James." I tried again, but he lifted an eyebrow, shooting me that look again.

"Daddy," I corrected myself hastily, and he smirked.

"That's better," he said, tugging me closer against him. His arm went around me, holding me in, and I felt a sudden sense of safety despite the wildness of what had just happened. There was something about him, the tender and commanding mixed, that made me feel utterly at home. He knew how to take care of me like the good girl I was.

We sat there for a while, the movie playing on in the background, though neither of us was paying attention to it anymore. My head was resting on his shoulder, I could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest beneath me.

As the credits rolled and the lights in the theatre began to come up, James gave me one final squeeze before standing. He offered his hand to pull me up and I took it, my legs still a little wobbly. He smirked at that.

"Next time," he whispered, tugging me close as we left, "you'll have to try harder to be quiet."

I blushed, biting my lip as I looked up at him. "Yes, Daddy," I whispered, and he smiled, clearly happy with my response.

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mactavishsgfandwife · 8 months ago

Note

saw that ur reqs r open, and i love all ur work sooo here i am lol

what would the tf141 boys be like w a reader who’s into horror? (i was thinking reader is like rlly sweet but loves playing horror video games or smth, but u can interpret it however u want!)

i can js imagine johnny freaking out when he sees reader playing like,,silent hill or smth. or resident evil 7 (can u tell im a horror game nerd lol)

but yeah! js a silly little idea i had, feel free not to write it if u don’t want to! have a good day, ily!

TF141 Watching a Horror Movie With You 🎃

hi omg this is such a cute concept!! thank you so much for the support, you have no idea how much i appreciate it! i have so many ideas for them with someone who loves horror movies so that’s what this post is about (i hope that’s ok :( ) but i’ll try to write about horror games another time because that’s such a cute concept! i just have lots of ideas for this one rn so i thought i’d do it first female reader, fluff, not proofread <3

Simon "Ghost" Riley thinks it’s cute that you love horror movies. He spends half his life in a real-life horror, he’s seen things that you could never imagine. Teasingly calls you a ‘psycho’ for just sitting there happily, cuddled up to him as you watch something absolutely terrifying go down on the screen.

Simon is a pain in the ass to watch certain horror movies with, because if guns or fighting are involved then he will make sure to point out to you exactly what the directors got wrong.

"He’s holding it wrong… if I even… Price’d never let me hear t’end of it," he mumbles, not talking to anyone in particular.

When you cuddle on the sofa, if you’re laying face down on his chest, he loves to keep one hand on your ass. Sometimes, if something does make him jump, he’ll squeeze it out of instinct.

People don’t usually expect it but you’re very good with scary stuff, you rarely ever get spooked out. But sometimes you do, especially if you’re tired and it’s late.

Once, after you’d watched a film, you went to get ready for bed and Simon went ‘to eat something’. Even when you were all changed and ready for bed, he still hadn’t returned, and so - twiddling your fingers together for reassurance - you peeked out into the darkened hallway.

Only for a 6'4" soldier in a skull mask, wielding a cup of tea, to jump out at you from behind.

You screamed, stumbling back in a state of panicked confusion, about to cry out for Simon when you came to your senses and realised that the masked intruder was Simon.

He stood there, laughing his ass off, until he realised that you were obviously very on edge and a little bit teary eyed.

"C’mere…" he sighed, placing down his tea to take you into his arms, "i’m sorry, baby girl, please don’t cry…" Your heart was racing and you were debating whether or not to slap him, but you knew he didn’t mean to upset you. And you were happy so long as he made up for it.

Soap Mactavish claims that he’s not scared of anything. Nooo, no way, he’s not scared. He’s so not scared that he’s looking away and squeezing your hand.

Poor guy is so easily jumpscared, it makes you giggle.

"You sure this i’nt going t’be too scary for you, bonnie?" he coos, placing an arm around your shoulder as he half-watches the film that has plunged into a strange silence. He’s definitely trying (and failing) to be subtle as he flexed his muscular arms a little bit, in an attempt to show off.

"Oh yeah, don’t worry," you nod sweetly, smiling up at him.

"I’m just saying, angel, if you need to bury your head into my chest, or if you can’t look, then that’s okay, you just go ahead and make yourself comfortable. I’m a soldier, I could easily take on any- Shit! Fucking hell!" he jumps, squealing and then clearing his throat in a poor attempt to disguise it.

"You sure this isn’t going to be too scary for you, bonnie baby..?" you tease, kissing his cheek.

"Lay off it," he pouts, blushing a little bit as he nuzzles his face into your hair.

Alsoooo Johnny is a fiend for feeling you up when you’re watching a film together. He sees it as a perfect opportunity to get to know his pretty lass a little bit better.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick’s favourite part of movie night is the food. He loves takeaway (he’s definitely a Nando’s lover) but his absolute favourite food is your home cooking. When he was asked his favourite food when he was younger, he was always the one kid who would say "whatever my mum makes!" and now he’s an adult it’s just the same, but "whatever my girlfriend makes!" Whenever he realises you’re going to watch a film, whether you invited him or not, he will call out to you from the other room to "HOLD ON!" as he grabs snacks and drinks for the two of you.

Gaz isn’t too easily creeped out, but it happens. He’ll never admit that it’s because he was scared, but you’ve definitely noticed him ‘accidentally’ leaving the hallway light on. If it wasn’t an ‘accident’, then he obviously did it so that you wouldn’t feel scared in the night. He probably realises that you can see right through him, but you always say you believe him, just to make him feel better.

Kyle’s favourite horror movie series is Paranormal Activity, because it’s a so-bad-it’s-good kind of thing. He loves sitting in bed, eating popcorn, with you in his lap, laughing til you cry at all his jokes about how horrendously made the films are. Once, he was taking the piss out of how bad the film you were watching was and then immediately got jumpscared. He even let out a weird noise in shock - he didn’t hear the end of it for weeks.

Even if he’s not cuddling you as close as possible, Gaz loves to rouch you, usually by holding you with one arm as you rest your head on his shoulder. He is a serial thigh-squeezer.

John Price is a total dad, and that extends to when you can convince him to watch one of your favourite films with you. He wants to watch the movie, it’s not his fault if he falls asleep 15 minutes in every single time.

He lets you lay on his broad chest, that’s warm and rises and fall under your head, while he rests his hands behind his head and closes his eyes. He’s prone to snoring, too - in past, you’ve had to rewind the film because you missed part of it while you were trying to get him to wake up and shut up. The only sureproof way to wake him up is to try and move off of him - he’ll open one eye and grumble at you, as he pulls you right back into him.

"You’re not even watching the film, you’re asleep…" you whine, looking up at him.

"’M watching, love. Shhh," he mumbles, eyes still closed as he softly pats your hair.

"Are not," you pout.

"Shhh. ‘M trying to watch this," he hushes you, eyes closed and totally ready to go back to sleep. You’re almost annoyed at him but he makes that very hard, breathing softly through that moustache as he presses you against him, like you’re a teddy or a weighted blanket.

In terms of the films himself, Price isn’t easily scared (partly helped by the fact that he spends half of the time asleep). The first time that you two watched something scary together, he was almost expecting you to be terrified, but he was pleasantly surprised when you weren’t. He thinks it’s funny how you can sit in his lap perfectly happy and watch something that would have any ‘sensible’ (as he puts it) girl screaming.

He either gets very irritated by the main characters making terrible decisions and getting themselves into trouble, or finds it hilarious. He also loves to rub your feet while you watch the movie, literal princess treatment.

i kind of want to watch a horror movie nowwww

all pictures are from the game or from pinterest as far as i’m aware

i hope this was ok for you!!! i know it’s not exactly what you wanted but maybe we can just consider it part 1 of the horror obsessed reader saga >:)

masterlist

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delululand · 1 year ago

Note

hi could u pls do txts turn ons + offs in a partner ?? tysm <33

hiii and sorry for long answer, it’s here~ hope you enjoy it~

txt turn ons + offs

I wasn't sure how you wanted this to be, so it has some mentions of NSFW content, but not a lot

soobin

turn ons: i talked about this before, but I think he's really into the cute type and we all know how he likes anime (does he watch hentai? idk but guess yes) and this got me thinking about whiney girls. it's a little hard to explain it completely, but his love for anime (and a shit that's in hentai)+his love for cute types+some aegyo type in korea, which isn't considered weird like it is for people living in europe and america, it all comes together such vibrations… so i guess groaning, moaning, whining it’s really his turn ons (but not too louder? hahaha I just immediately remember how he always “shhhh🤫” beomgyu when he starts being noisy)

and also being call some pet names? he’ll really like it

turn offs: okay i really think one of the biggest turn offs for him is degradation and any form of rudeness. he mentioned so much time that he prefer cute vibe and I really think that this extends to how he is in bed. I see him as a soft guy and if someone (especially his partner) were rude to him, even if during sex, it would most likely surprise and upset

and also just dishonesty, deceit and some shit like that

yeonjun

turn ons: I want to write so many things but I remember one of his live where he said something like "the way you perceive me seems a little distorted. off screen, my and soobin's personalities exchange". he didn't specify what exactly he was talking about or what part of his personality it was about, but it pops into my head every time I think of him. maybe it's a bit of a distorted perception, but can I really see him in something like a partially toxic relationship? I'm not talking about abuse or anything like that and I don't mean this in a bad way, but I think he would be interested in a relationship with some game?

it's like that girl who looks like an arrogant bitch (but she's actually nice) and she gives him mixed signals, secret dates and everything seems obvious, but no one says anything out loud and all that

it’s like 밀당 (밀고 당기기) this is a very popular thing in korea and literally means “push and pull”, first a person devotes a lot of time to the person he likes and flirts, and then pretends that he is not particularly interested in order to attract attention to himself

p.s. for my personal opinion it’s a strange shit, but a lot of people really into it

turn offs: this may sound a little contradictory, but actual arrogance and bad treatment of people? it's one thing to have arrogant bitch vibes, but to be a kind person, but to actually be an arrogant bitch is something else entirely

controlling and obsessive behavior (in a bad way) like I really see that if his partner was jealous of him, he would be flattered and he would take this situation into flirtation, but if his partner tried to control him 24/7, constantly wrote and called with questions about where and with whom he is, this would greatly alienate him

beomgyu

turn ons: ohhh that guy… firstly it’s catching his vibe? he has a specific sense of humor and it would be important to be on the same wave with him in general, but he also makes “suggestive jokes” most often and he’s the biggest dirty minder of all members. so one of his turn ons is someone who could not only take his jokes well, but also be able to answer him in the same manner and actually i think this boy reaaaally into dirty talks

turn offs: first of all I think it has two sides: 1. not taking his jokes and being sarcastic in a bad way (like not making jokes pretending that he is annoying because he would like that, but on the contrary answering rudely or something like that) and 2. not taking him seriously. yes, he is really funny and jokes a lot, but he also has feelings and would like to be able to talk about it seriously, discuss different topics with his partner and know that he will be understood and accepted

taehyun

turn ons: first, he’s really a smart guy and i think intelligent conversation and debate it’s one of his turn ons. but also an even bigger turn on is when he explains something to you? something like you ask him how this or that thing works and he tells you the story of how and why it works the way it does and the moment you nod at him with eyes full of interest his dick literally twitches in his pants.

secondly, he said he's not the type to take initiative (especially in showing affection) because of fear, so if someone had the courage to be more proactive it would touch his heart. like you know for example you're still at the just friends stage and you link arm in arm when you're crossing the road, lightly stroke his back when you hug him or put your hand and lean on his lap when you're sitting next to him and laugh. these actions are simple and innocent enough, but would literally drive him crazy

turn offs: total pessimism and whining all the time. everyone has problems at some point and it's fine if a person wants to get support and share it with someone, but I'm talking about people who literally whine 24/7 about everything and don't want to solve problems. does he really seem a little cruel about it? like he'd have no problem supporting you if something happened and helping you as long as it took, but he wouldn't coddle someone who's infantile and can't solve the slightest problem on his own

huening kai

turn ons: watching and discussing anime with him, don’t ask me why, i just feel so hahaha

paying attention to the smaller things that demonstrate true thoughtfulness and kindness and compassion towards others. he is sooo cute, kind and caring person and he'd really appreciate it if his partner showed the right attitude towards other people.

and also being able to show affection openly, giving him words of encouragement, praise and all of that

turn offs: ignorance and intolerance, too self-centeredness, i wrote about it above and I think it just goes against his values in life and what he might like

and also being closed off and emotionally unavailable like. he has a hard showing his feelings and if his partner is even more closed off, they just won't connect?

p.s. i would also be very interested to hear your opinion on this topic, maybe you have something to add?

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ultimateyapper · 6 months ago

Text

anyway, here's wonderwall. | chapter one

[ chapter 2 ]

were you truly mentally prepared for what would unfold in hotarubi? it couldn't be any worse than having a gun to your head right? despite the late hour, it's nearly impossible to get what taiga said out of your mind.

there's a mole.

but why would there be a mole at darkwick? who would it be? someone you know? a friend? how does taiga even know this?

there's officially too much on your mind to get any sleep.

yawning, you turn over to pull your phone off the charger. it was cute with an adapter shaped like a cat paw. the smile kaito wore as he handed it to you was full of pride. he said he got it "just because". it was clearly a lie after luca suggested it was consolation for skipping out on training but it's funny remembering how red he got afterwards. it was a sweet gesture but how does he expect to pay off his debt if he keeps buying things "just because".

the screen lights up and after blinking away tears from the initial brightness you read the time. ten minutes after midnight. maybe there's something interesting on wickchat? there wasn't a lot of time to check during the last mission.

eventually you make it to your messages. only a select few people are active due to the late hour and kaito is one of them. you can see him typing in your group chat. the one he made after the mission in frostheim. you temporarily left the chat while talking with taiga. although, in all honesty, trying not to get killed by taiga would fit better. you had texted him more than 10 minutes before you came to his room. yet still a gun was pointed to your head for the third (maybe fourth, you were losing track) time that week.

with complete and utter seriousness he claimed he "didn't know any honor student".

how many times did he expect you to introduce yourself exactly? you considered being a smartass and just saying a fake name. instead you decided to move, slowly so you didn't set him off, and show the texts.

suddenly the blonde started spamming the group chat in all caps, lighting up your phone with vibration after vibration. something about getting his point across to that dumbass, who you're assuming is probably luca. in hindsight, you could've just turned notifs off but when taiga was clearly starting to get pissed off you went with the quickest option. upsetting the guy with a machine gun for a special artifact isn't exactly at the top of your to-do list.

( #1 peekaboo fan )

im surprised to see luca up this late

the conversation comes to an abrupt halt. three dots circle at the bottom of your screen followed by a cat emote waving hi.

( kaito ✮ )

hiii : D

i added you back earlier btw i dunno why you left but it was probably an accident right??

wait sorry did i wake u up

mb 💔💔

( Lucas Errant )

I suppose it is a bit strange, yes? My conversation with Kaito must have made me lose track of time haha

( #1 peekaboo fan )

yeah you're usually knocked out lol and dw kaito i was already awake : )

( kaito ✮ )

ohh ok lol

i can't sleep either

( Lucas Errant )

You can't? I thought you said you were going to sleep because I was boring you.

( #1 peekaboo fan )

lmao

( kaito ✮ )

bro you were talking about fun facts and shi

ofc i was nodding off

( Lucas Errant )

My apologies. I assumed because of your life at home you'd be interested in it.

( kaito ✮ )

no not really

( #1 peekaboo fan )

wdym?

( kaito ✮ )

he was telling me about farm life as if i didn't get enough of that at home

( #1 peekaboo fan )

wait you grew up on a farm!?

( Lucas Errant )

I'm really interested in the culture. In the U.K I took horseback riding lessons but I've never seen any other farm animals in person.

( #1 peekaboo fan )

ooo that does sound fun

pigs are really cute

( kaito ✮ )

bruh

you would take horseback riding lessons

( #1 peekaboo fan )

you didn't like it there?

( kaito ✮ )

i mean... i liked being able to help my grams.

she's older so she needs that support

but in any other scenario??

nobody is getting that muddy for free

like you won't say that when you have a bull sprinting at you full speed

( #1 peekaboo )

this visual... 💀

( kaito ✮ )

bro 😭

( #1 peekaboo fan )

nah but fr

luca if ur interested you should volunteer at jabberwock

it's not the same but it's close

haru could use the extra help

( Lucas Errant )

Working with anamolous creatures would be an interesting learning experience. I'm not familiar so one day if you're free?

( kaito ✮ )

wait

( #1 peekaboo fan )

YESS

i'll show you everything i know ^_^

( kaito ✮ )

just the two of you?

( Lucas Errant )

I'm glad! I'll be available tomorrow during advisory. We have the same class right?

( #1 peekaboo fan )

yeah I'll meet u and we can go from there!

it's a date :3

( kaito ✮ )

WHAT

( #1 peekaboo fan )

u coming with?

( kaito ✮ )

yeah I'll come

( Lucas Errant )

I do worry if this is suited for you Kaito, but if you feel up to it I won't stop you.

( #1 peekaboo fan )

yea u don't like getting dirty right? you don't have to if you don't wanna

( kaito ✮ )

no it's fine i'll just try not to get anything on my uniform and

...keep an eye on him

( #1 peekaboo fan )

what

( kaito ✮ )

nothing.

( #1 peekaboo fan )

right so

see y'all tomorrow

im gonna go to bed

( Lucas Errant )

Yes, me as well. I wish both of you a good night's rest.

( #1 peekaboo fan )

seriously get sleep kai or im going to get you

( kaito ✮ )

promise? 😳

JK JK

an emote of a cat waving goodbye signifies the end of the conversation. that's that you suppose. haru wouldn't mind right? he did really need the help. he's impressively good at what he does but you can't help but feel that he overexerts himself. maybe before you go you should text him to—

"meoww!!"

you nearly jump out of your skin. below you a soft yet prickly sensation is revealed to be a cat, pawing at your leg. the cute little thing is an orange cat with light spots along it's body and tail. as soon as your attention is fully away from your phone it jumps on your leg making you laugh.

it makes no complaints as you scoop it into your arms and cradle it close. it's a bit surprising to see one of the campus cats being so cuddly. they're friendly but very independent as chancellor cornelius had said. most of them don't linger for long, always busy with something else. this one is is a bit smaller though so maybe it was still new to the school.

the vibrant orange of it's coat of fur is reminiscent of the cat who fixed your window. where did that one go off too?

you finally lay down for the night. the warmth from your new companion lulling you to sleep as he settled on top of your chest.

in the morning you'd call haru to let him know you'd found some extra help.

#tokyodebunker #tokyo debunker #kaito fuji #lucas errant #tokyo debunker x reader #ficposting #from me?#more likely than you think #farm boy kaito my beloved #i really tried to capture their personalities #i love this game #GAHHH #divider creds: cafekitsune #x reader #hip hip hooray #you're 1 peekaboo fan btw #love that little guy

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etheries1015 · 8 months ago

Text

BOOK 7 SPOILERS BELOW

I finally decided to suck it up and catch up with twst book 7, I stopped after seeing Silver cry because I'm sCARED OF BEING SAD 😭😭 anyway here's a few reactions I had to it 😭

And hearing about the update coming soon-ish to ENG servers I really need to read up

Lilia pressuring Epel like the old man he is 😭😭 I love the moments that they remind us just how old Lilia actually is and how he sees most if not all the students as if they were his children/grand children, making sure they get the most out of the party and drink...its giving "What do you mean you're not hungry? Absolutely not. Here Is at least 5 servings of whatever dish I made to help u grow big and strong."

Okay I didn't take a screen shot of it but the entire section where Lilia looked kind of guilty with Ortho about exchanging addresses because you just KNOW he probably isn't gonna check in, presumably because he doesn't want anyone to get More attached to him seeing as he is nearing the end of his life span (crying shaking throwing up)

THIS. THIS. THIS INTERACTION HE HAD WITH US. I LOVE HIM. I AM SO SILLY FOR HIM. I totally forgot I changed my in-game name from my nickname to my REAL name and when he said my name I verbally yelled "WHAT THE HELL" before giggling and kicking my feet hehehehe I'm clinically insane for him

But the fact that he acknowledged us as Malleus friend probably means we've spent a lot of time at the dorms or around Lilia for him to see how our friendship and interactions with him work, and it melts my heart hehe. Being part of the diafam fr. But honestly bro back me up, I'm tired of being called a hench-human 😭💀

I wonder just how bad we must look with everyone noticing the strange shift??? Either we REALLY made a scene (tripping over, going pale) or the twst boys are just that attentive to us and I think that is the sweetest thing ever 😭😭 Ace and Deuce is so sweet for thinking of us and trying to get us out while also being polite to the people who kindly held the party. Despite not being there long, ace and deuce is willing to skip out on free food and drinks in order to make sure you're okay and I'm just 😭😭 ANGELS. I LOVE THEM.

But also the way Lilia worries for you is so sweet 😭💜 I should write a fic of sick reader and Lilia, or reader trying to tough it out because I know for a FACT Lilia would not let that slide! (Hypocrite 😐)

I ACTUALLY DROPPED MY JAW WHEN SEBEK SAID THIS SHIT. I WAS. WHAT. WHAT THE HELL LMFAOOOOO 😭 thats fucking insane bro I actually found myself chastising him thru the phone, I would NOT let that discrimination against humans bullshit pass fr 😭 slap him right upside the head and give him a stern talking to. I like seeing Lilia get frustrated, he's so cute and UGH. Although it went in one ear out the other, Seeing Lilia mad is so hot if I'm being real with y'all rn BUAHAHA.

I didnt screen shot this either (and I can't fit anymore photos on this post smh) but Silvers nose being red and obvious he was crying but Lilia confused. DudE OF COURSE he was crying!!! You're his dad!! You raised him since he was a baby, he's just now going into adulthood and doing that WITHOUT HIS DAD who is going to a far away land! Sure, traveling is a thing , but honestly nothing beats having that support just a moments away. Silver is literally the sweetest and wants to support his dad , but who's going to support him????!?! Lilia is putting him in a position where Silver feels the need to be strong and hide his tears for Lilias sake, but of course this is hard on him, its so sudden, too! Being so close to your parent and next thing you know mere days later they are stripped away from your arms?!

I just want to give them all hugs. Lilia obviously has some issues and misconstrued ideas of love (a million people have made posts and comments on this, so I will not repeat it) and I just. Need them to all sit around and be their mediator while we go thru their emotional states.

Ugh. I was in my twst burnout stage and still low key am, but fuck does it spark so much passion in you 😭😭

#twisted wonderland #etheries rants💜✨#Twisted wonderland book 7 #diasomnia #twst #lilia vanrouge #malleus draconia #sebek zigvolt #silver vanrouge

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pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 9 days ago

Text

Sorry i keep talking about death its the season

But today i checked up on this one mutual who i hadnt seen in my notes in forever. Cus i havent been checking my dash much at all but she was usually just present a lot and something had me wondering

i dont wanna say who it is in case im wrong but idk if shes still here :( her last posts are about failed suicide attempts. And its been 2 months since then with no new posts. Maybe she just logged out after that but i dont know i just feel like... i dont know

i lit a candle to pray for her and it stayed lit for a few seconds then went out. I thought that was really strange.

its got me feeling down.. she was super sweet she was one of my first mutuals when i came back to tumblr in 2021 , we never really talked or anything but she was someone who interacted a lot she had a cool interesting personality w unique things to say and a kind heart, i enjoyed her presence a lot.

just sucks. i really hope she is ok.

even though i am already really withdrawn and not participating much in tumblr, stuff like this makes me want to go fully offline even more.. it hurts to see so many people disappear and u can never really show them that u care because ur just behind a screen. i get real existential about it and the way the internet makes me feeel psychically

idk. Maybe i am just in an extra bad mood because accidentally breaking my camera last night felt like a sign to never post again. lol. dramatic i guess.

i feel shaken up for her. Really hope it's not what i think it is. If it were that, it would be so tragic. 💔

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loustatarelesbians · 25 days ago

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Book!Louis v Show!Louis (ft. Movie!Louis)

[A/N: I initially posted this as a reblog, but i feel like i went off on a couple of tangents so I'm just going to make an original post about it]

Oooh ok so I have a lot thoughts on this. For context tho, I'ev watched the show and movie, but I've only read the first book (the og iwtv novel) so pls bare with me if i get any facts wrong.

I think Book!louis (BL) and Show!Louis (SL) are a lot more similar than people realise. I think most show fans hate on don't actually hate on BL,,, they just hate that he was a glorified slave owner (yes it was the 1700s but u can see why it makes ppl uncomfortable). BUT in saying that, fans who geniunely dislike BL for his other characteristics, like his emo-ness and catholic guilt and philosophical tangents,, i think its a little strange because SL is pretty much the same in that regard??

I think it's harder for viewers to realise on screen because yes SL does appear more expressive and obviously we can't hear SL's thoughts like we do in the books, but even just from his narration to daniel, a lot of his actions and relationship with his loved ones reflect that. I also think that also deal with their traumas pretty similarly and have similar unhealthy coping mechanisms. They can sometimes very super impulsive and reckless when provoked. They think they deserve to be punished, they think they are damned. And obvs their reaction and antagonizing over vampirism is basically the same.

I think really the only difference between SL and BL (besides, ya know, the race/work/time period) is that BL feels the need to mask his sadness and inner nature and present to society in a certain fashion,, whereas BL wallows in his misery pretty openly (well at least in comparison to SL). This may come from the fact that SL is a Black man from the early twentieth century and has a family to care for as well as lots of expectations, wheres as BL doesn't really have any of that -- well we, ok technically he had close familial relationships but we're not really shown much of that in the book. We are introduced to him in mourning and distanced from his family,, we never really get to see how his life was like before that. In the movie, we are even introduced to Brad Pitt's louis very publicly showcasing his sadness and lack of will to live by putting himself in a fight, so to speak.

I think that's why I really enjoy reading SL-centred fanfiction because they explore his thought process through the stuff that happens in the show and it aligns so much with BL!!

Anyways,, i guess my point is,, BL and SL are actually pretty similar!! love to read. love to mope and ponder on the moral failings of life! Love their loved ones SO much but can never voice it out loud. catholic guilt. both would be entertained watching paint dry. lowkey dickmatized

anyways i love Louis so much as a character and I'm so glad to see another adaption of him -- and yeah i'll say it, I do prefer show louis more but only really because of Jacob Anderson + the intersectional portrayal of Blackness and how it impact's Louis' character, + getting rid of that whole white slaver owner spiel (not saying that SL had a totally innocent job btw but damn idk why anne rice went with the plantation thing like,,??) -- anyways yeah main point is that I love Louis and he isn't boring in any version and all adaptations of him are more similar than ppl realise.

#iwtv #interview with the vampire #amc iwtv #louis de pointe du lac #tvc #i just love louis so much omg #i could go on about my beautiful bbg for ages #i think ppl #both show and book fans #are blinded by appearance-level difference #and don't realise that show louis is actually a very good adaptation #and BL and SL are in fact quite similar #book louis #show louis #vc #the vampire chronicles #vampire chronicles

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mybworlds · 8 months ago

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CHAPTER 9

status: ongoing

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

summary: your life is full of 'must'. You live with your overprotective mother who controls every aspect of your life. You have a dream, to write romance novels, but love - real love - you haven't found yet. Your mother has even decided what you must do in your free time: play music. One day, however, when you go to your music teacher's house, you will have an unexpected encounter and from that day on things change…

Masterlist

rating: 18+ explicit (minors, DNI)

Before to start... Thank you for your support, for your likes and reblog, thank you, thank you, thank you ❤️

In this chapter there's a smut moment...

If you like it pls leave a like/comment/reblog it, if you don't like it don't be rude and keep going. Please remember English is not my first language, so please be merciful!

Thanks @vase-of-lilies for the banner

Since that afternoon, you and Joel have not seen each other again. He wrote you he had to go away for his job to renovate a building in a small town a few miles away.

You took the opportunity to clear your mind about your situation with him and Jack. You don't like being in this position, but you don't know how to get out of it.

On the one hand you wish you could live what you are experiencing with Joel in the light of day, but on the other hand you know you can never do that. You don't know if he wants to or if because of the considerable age difference he wants to show himself in public with you; then there's your mother who, since she's been hanging out with what you now call religious fanatics, has been doing nothing but telling you that you need to get pure to the altar, you need to start attending church, you should go to confession. And then on the other side is Jack. Jack is a good guy, he's polite, he's reserved, he treats you well, and he never pressures you in any way.

This is starting to become too much.

You can't take it anymore.

The easiest thing would be to stop going to Joel's house, stop talking to him, stop seeing him, and probably the constant temptation to be his would cease, but the problem is that you don't want to stop. You don't want to stop seeing him; just the idea makes you sick.

However, you are firmly convinced that you cannot go on like this. You don't want to delude anyone. It's not fair. You've always criticized those who have their foot in the door, and then you of all people find yourself doing it.

At that moment, the phone screen lights up revealing the arrival of a new message.

It's Joel.

" Just finished at the construction site. Shower, dinner and then finally bed. Old enough to work that hard anymore! "

You smile, shaking your head.

" Good evening to u! Tomorrow take a chair and rest, let others do the dirty work ;) "

Your heart is pounding even though you aren't writing anything strange to each other, but it's so good you are afraid to ruin it.

When the notification comes he's writing a new message, you stand there in eager anticipation, then the message appears.

" What have you been doin'? Studied the chords? "

You haven't actually studied anything, but you decide to tell a little lie.

" Yes, but still can't play 'em well. Beyond, I worked, I had to go to church with my mum, she wanted me to go to confession, but made up a sudden shift at work and ran away. "

You then decide to tell him about an additional decision you have been pondering for a few days.

" I read an ad in the newspaper they r looking for a librarian's aide in town. How 'bout if I show up? "

You want his advice; part of you sees this additional job opportunity as a new excuse to run away from home with the hope of putting money aside to get away someday.

His response is not long in coming.

" Can imagine the scene! Be sure to stay out of trouble in my absence. "

That message almost heartens you, gives you strength.

" For the arrangements I'll show you again, no problem. For the new job, you like i'? You'd leave the previous one or is it a second job? "

This message comes soon after.

" It's a second one. Joel the truth is I'd like to leave. Can't stand being here in this situation anymore. "

His reply is even quicker than before.

" I know, honey, I know it's very hard your life. I also know that one day, hope for ya soon, you'll fly away and that day I hope to be with you to tell you I told you you'd make it, to believe in your dreams and hug you before I see you leave. "

Those words surely meant to be an encouragement not to give up, but they hurt. Very badly.

The idea of going away and leaving Joel hurts you even more than you could have imagined.

You don't know what to say to him, you lock the phone's screen and put it on charge. You lie down and stay for a long, long time staring at the streetlight-lit ceiling in the street and think back to the man's words: you want to leave sure, but you never thought about how you would do it in the absence of your loved ones.

The next day, at 5:45 a.m., your mother wakes you to say morning prayer together and then goes to work.

You get back under the covers; your shift at the bar doesn't start until 9:00. You could still sleep, but Joel's words buzz in your head again, so you pick up your phone and find three messages from him.

" Maybe was too direct.

I know it'll happen sooner or later, just trying to get used to the idea myself first.

Didn't want to upset or hurt you. "

He wrote them to you an hour ago probably seeing no response from you.

You breathe deeply and decide to answer him.

" Hope it won't happen too soon. Not tired of everything or everyone. "

It's the truth. You are fine with him, with your three friends. It's your mother and her coven that suffocates you.

The phone vibrates again.

It's him.

" I'll be back tonight, wanna get a beer or smt else? Don't think can wait until our next official meeting. "

Your heart starts beating hard in your chest and you can't fall asleep anymore.

You're about to answer when he writes you again.

" If you can, of course, don't wanna you to fall out the window! "

You immediately reply to him.

" Funny. Tonight my mum goes to church first, then she's on duty. When r u coming? "

You'd like to dare to invite him to your place, but you'd never want your mother to catch you and him hugging or, worse, she'd lock you in a convent and throw away the key starting reciting rosaries for the salvation of your soul.

His answer comes in a few minutes.

" At 5 p.m. finish here, so I plan by 7 p.m. to be home, take a shower and then come get you. I'll take you to a very nice place, not too far from town. I won't get my little girl drunk, I promise. I've to go now or I'll end up texting like a teenager all day. See u tonight. "

You find yourself giggling all excitedly clutching your cell phone to your chest and closing your eyes.

You're looking forward to it.

Evening comes and an atomic bomb seems to have gone off in your room, you don't know what to wear. Finally, you opt for a forest green turtleneck sweater dress, underneath a pair of lined tights and a pair of leather ankle boots with a timid hint of a heel. Over a leather-colored coat to match the ankle boots.

Secretly from your mother you make all these choices and then put your room back in order.

You're exhausted because you did everything to not to be caught; as soon as she leaves, have your hair and makeup done.

In fact, you choose to style your hair with soft waves and makeup with a strand of pencil and lip gloss.

Joel asked for your home address and then texts you he'd be leaving home in no time.

You look at yourself over and over again, you also ask for advice from your friends who call you a sexpot ready to strip. In fact, you told them about what happened between you and Joel, none of them surprised to learn he was your first in the end. All three of them hugged you really hard and said Joel must be really special to have allowed him to do this. You are not frigid, but you never wanted to give yourself away like that. In fact, you always believed that there was the right guy for you somewhere and you just had to be patient and he would eventually come into your life.

Your phone vibrates; Joel is downstairs.

When you come down, you find his SUV in front of your building, but he's there outside at the door: when he sees you his tired face relaxes and then he smiles at you coming towards you. You open the door and in a burst of great enthusiasm you hug him, throwing your arms around his neck, almost running over a passerby.

You hear him chuckle as you bury your head in the crook of his neck and you enjoy his scent of bubble bath and cologne. He dips his head into your hair breathing in your floral scent staying in that position for a while.

"If this is your welcome, I'll leave often," he says in your ear.

You shake your head and then loosen the embrace "Don't even think about it!"

"Did ya miss me that much?" he asks as he looks into your eyes, taking your face in his hands.

You nod with a small smile melting into that sweet, warm hold.

"My sweet baby doll." he says giving you a kiss on the tip of your nose Then he pushes his hands away from your face making room for you to walk alongside him to the SUV.

You can't take your eyes off him, you smile as you get into the car and put on your seat belt.

He smiles at you, then starts the car and you drive away from your address. Only then you take a breath.

He notices because he looks at you and asks, "Was i' so terrible this time?"

You watch him, you like to see him driving, that focused gaze and his brown eyes focused on the road and occasionally turned toward you. You tell him the news about your mother, how dedicated she has been to prayer, you tell him about this second job, but you emphasize that it's not a way of telling him you want to get out of town right away, but you'd like to leave your mother's house as soon as possible, you tell him about your friends and the news of their lives and the advice they are giving you for your work and your life.

"And what did you do at work?" you ask him, rubbing your hands together from the cold.

He tells you about loading and unloading building materials, cutting and sawing bricks, and getting several scratches on his hands and a couple on his arms as well.

"You treated 'em, didn't you?" you ask him in a sweet and somewhat apprehensive tone.

He takes your hand and brings it to his lips in a tender kiss without taking his eyes off the road.

"'S okay. 'm fine." he smiles reassuringly at you "Rather, how much did ya miss me?" he asks you turning a fleeting glance and a small smile.

"So much." you reply, intertwining the fingers of your hand with his. The contact with his warm, thick fingers sends strange tremors throughout your body. You breathe deeply before resuming the word "And how much did you miss me?"

He doesn't answer right away, zigzags his gaze from you to the street, then replies "More than I ever thought I would." your heart skips a beat, you always thought these were corny romcom phrases, but that you'd never hear them or that anyone would ever say them to you.

He looks at you, "You're beautiful," he says, "I love your scent."

"I have it all the time," you reply in a hushed voice.

"I know," he replies, then turns his gaze to you with a smile, "I love everything 'bout ya."

You look at each other for a brief moment since he cannot look away from the road for long, but his words lead you to take his hand and shake it, he reciprocates the shake by intertwining his fingers with yours.

He takes you to a karaoke bar, not exactly the kind of club you'd frequent; however, as long as you are with him any club is fine. Fortunately for both of you, there are not many people who try their hand at singing; therefore, it is a place where you can also talk.

"'M sorry, babe, maybe it's not exactly the place you'd chose to hang out," he apologizes once you sat across from each other at the small square table looking at you with a sad, guilty look.

"It's fine, any place is fine," you reply to him, observing the place with curiosity. You look at the counter in front of the tables, at the club logo to the side, further on at the small stage with a small console and a couple of microphones in case of duets, and then back at the man in front of you.

You feel so lucky to be afforded his company, to observe his sweet deep dark eyes, to bask in his good smell, to be able to return his warm smile.

You decide not to look overly strange in just staring at him, and so you pick up the menu and look at it perplexed, constantly asking Joel for information as you have no idea what you are reading and therefore what you might be getting. Finally, you choose a simple Diet Coke, he smiles shaking his head slightly and then orders a Tequila for him.

"I'm not carrying you tonight!" he mocks your choice by taking your hand in an affectionate gesture.

You shrug your shoulders "I've never had a drink and I confess I'm a little afraid to do so. I sipped some whiskey at your house only."

"Afraid of saying or doing something too much?" he asks you, opening his jacket and revealing a brick-colored turtleneck sweater.

You smile, "Yes, maybe. Wanna play a game?" you propose.

"A game?" he repeats, smiling at you, intrigued by this singular proposal.

"It's called I never have." you raise your hands just slightly above the table "If you have done what I say, then you lower a finger of your hand. If you haven't, you do nothing. Let's play, I have never gone hunting." you begin.

He lowers a finger "I've been there several times, both as a boy and then as an adult. Even a couple of years ago with Tommy." he tells you "Now it's my turn." you see him focused on thinking about something "I've never taught anyone." he confesses.

You look at him surprised "Really?"

He nods "You are my first and only student." he confesses again looking you in the eyes a little guiltily.

You lower a finger "The only one I taught is Helen, my friend. She came to the bar after me." you tell him "At first it was just me and a guy, he was nice one, but" you leave the sentence hanging a bit, then shake your head "I wasn't his type."

He nods "I like this game. So I know you even better."

"Well, that's the goal of the game. I've never celebrated the Fourth of July." you say with a slightly sad look on your face.

"Never?!" he exclaims, lowering his finger "It's always been my favorite time of the summer. When we were kids Tommy and I would go to a pond with our parents and punctually have kayak races." he smiles "I celebrated it until..." his gaze fades and the smile disappears.

"Until when?" you gently urge him.

He sighs, "Until it's all over," he replies, looking up at you.

"Why did it end with her?" you ask him directly.

He blinks and then assumes an almost annoyed expression as if you shouldn't ask him such a question.

"Forgive me," you say as you lower your gaze, "I'd like to get to know you better, but you always seem to have a wall put up between you and others." you continue, looking at him quizzically.

"It's true, I don't like to talk about my past. It's mine alone, and most importantly it doesn't affect my relationship with you at all." he replies.

"I'm glad to know, but I don't want to know because I'm afraid it'll affect our relationship, but only because I want to know everything about you," you tell him looking at him with sad eyes.

"Honey, please- I don't want to. Don't make that request of me." he tells you, laying his hand on yours, but you don't look up at him, you look to the side "Please don't do that. Don't force things too much. They might break." he goes on, squeezing your hand just a little tighter, and you then look up.

"Okay."

You see him almost relax in his chair, then he says, "I never liked dancing or singing."

You smile, softly, but you smile.

"Me neither," you retort without lowering your finger "now, let's see...I never sang at the karaoke bar." you say smiling at him, he smiles back and you notice he doesn't lower his finger.

"Well, now you can." he replies standing up and holding out a hand to you.

"What?!" you ask worriedly.

"You've never sung karaoke." he says, taking your hand and making you stand up almost weightlessly.

"No, no, shhh, no, Joel." you try to stop him without succeeding as he draws the attention of the man there on the stage.

"There's my friend who wants to sing something," Joel says, looking first at the man and then at you.

Damn you.

Well, if you sing, he'll sing too!

The man announces to the small audience in the room of your performance, Joel himself incites the others to clap.

"Well and what are you going to sing for us, love?" the man asks.

You turn your gaze toward Joel and notice that he is glowering - to put it mildly - at the karaoke guy.

"This is a duet, so I need him," you reply, holding Joel back with all your might.

"Cool!" the man exclaims "I want to hear this applause." he incites the small audience to clap again.

"You''ll pay for this." Joel says grudgingly.

"You too." you retort "What do we want to sing?" you ask him.

Joel doesn't answer, so you choose a song from a few years ago, it's a sweet song, no rock stuff or anything like that, you don't want to put yourself or Joel in undue difficulty. You both get out of tune several times, but just look into each other's eyes to smile at each other to help you not take yourselves too seriously.

Your performance thankfully ends three minutes and forty-five seconds later with some timid clapping. You come down holding hands and returning to your seats you both lower a finger. With Joel there was another first time.

A waiter brings you shortly after your orders, which Joel pays for right away; you see Joel intent on drinking his Tequila and so gripped by curiosity you ask him if you can try it. He hesitates, but then hands it to you. You barely take a sip of his drink, but it's too alcoholic for you; you cough, returning the glass to him as he chuckles exclaiming an I told you.

"How can you drink that?" you ask him after a while.

He shrugs his shoulders with a smile, "Now, my turn." he says as he takes another sip of his drink "I've never felt the desire to kiss someone in public like I do now." he confesses as he looks you in the eye.

You support his gaze by lowering a finger "I feel the same way." you say "I just don't know what you might think about it." you add.

"Me? Well, I honestly don't give a damn shit about what they may say about me. I care about you, about what they may say if they see you kissing an old man like me." he tells you, extending a hand, which you immediately take and intertwining his fingers with yours.

"You're not that old, Joel. Stop it!" you exclaim "I told you, I'm almost 30. Can I choose who I want to date? I don't have to ask permission from the guy on stage there or my mother or her religious coven. I need to be okay, and I'm happy with you," you blurt it out.

You see him contemplative, so you try to bring back some good humor asking him if he wants to eat something and this time you'll pay for the food. He suggests you a portion of fried potatoes and onion rings and then a plate of fried rice to share, and you gladly accept.

While you wait, your game continues.

"I have never felt the desire to be younger." he says avoiding your gaze. You don't put your finger down - you don't feel the same - but you realize he's telling you something. You look him in the eye and he continues "I wish I had only been a four or five years older than you, maybe that would have been more acceptable to you." he says with a sad expression.

"Joel, Joel, Joel." you say laying your hands on the sides of his face "Please look me in the eyes." he does, his eyes are so sad "If it was a problem for me, I'd have told you right away."

"'N what would ya have told me?" he asks you.

You get up and approach him with the chair taking his hand which you squeeze between yours "I'd have told you I didn't feel comfortable, uhm maybe-- that for me these eighteen years are many, but the truth is, when I'm with you, I don't think about your or my age at all. I live you as you are. And you are a wonderful person, Joel. When I'm with you, I feel so safe, my heart always beats fast, and I think I was lucky to met you and run into you." you say, brushing your lips on his, a thought takes side in a far corner of your head, maybe you are really in love with him, it's not a crush only.

"Excuse me." a voice brings you back to reality making you jump and then pull away.

A waiter brings you what you requested and this time you pay, even though Joel tried to pay him again but you managed to put him off.

Even a simple gesture as sharing those three plates makes you feel good. You try the onion rings for the first time and you like them, Joel almost claps when you say that dish is good.

"I'm so happy to have you in my life." he tells you when you finished "You brought light into my life." he adds, wrapping your face in his hands and kissing you.

At that moment, the light goes away and you are in the dark. You pull away from his face and squeeze his hand and he returns the squeeze, then a lightning illuminates the dark room and shortly after a thunder echoes in the air.

"I never walked through the rain," Joel says trying to distract you noticing your increased squeeze.

"I've never walked in the rain either," you reply.

"Hey, it's okay." he tells you "You'd like to go to my place waiting for the storm to pass?" he proposes.

At that moment, the light returns and you take it almost as a sign of destiny, you immediately answer him yes; so, you get your stuff and go out. It's not pouring, but it's raining enough. You decide to run in the rain to the SUV and when you're inside you look at each other and notice how wet you both are. You can't help but stare in fascination at his wet face, his soaked hair with raindrops and his clothes equally soaked. It's a tender and funny image at the same time.

He thankfully turns on the warm air so at least part of your hair and clothes dry.

When you arrive in front of his house, there is a flood.

Your hair and clothes drip water profusely, you shudder from the cold once you get inside.

"If you want to take a hot shower, I'll go get you something dry. Sure, it won't be your size, but it's better than having the flu or a cold." he tells you turning on the lights in the hall and for the stairs leading upstairs.

"I don't want to bother you," you say.

"Honey, this is your home." he already told you, but hear it now is different "Feel free to use the bathroom if ya want."

"It doesn't bother you if I go into your bathroom, taking a shower?" you ask him again guardedly.

"No." he replies by taking your face in his hands and placing a kiss on the tip of your nose "Now go and take a shower, I'll have a sweater and pants for ya on my bed." he adds and then disappears.

On his bed? Oh.

When you go upstairs and close the bathroom door behind you, you look around feeling like you're violating Joel's private space, sure he told you to use his bathroom, to take a shower, but you still can't help but feel like an intruder.

You undress completely, leaving your cell phone on a cabinet and taking off all your wet clothes, and then you get into the shower. The jet of hot water hits your icy skin causing you to shake with pleasure mixed with shivers. You can't help but think how much your life has changed in a very short time, the way this man is taking care of you in so many different ways, the way he's making you feel unique and special even though you are not his first and even though you are quite naive for your age.

When you leave, you take a towel and dry yourself.

Then you take your cell phone and go to Joel's room where you find a midnight blue sweater, a pair of gray shorts, and a pair of socks. They are huge compared to your size. However, you slip them on and the result is that the sweater reaches almost mid-thigh just slightly below the shorts and the socks almost to the knee.

You look even smaller than you are.

"My turn," he says, raising his voice to be heard.

"O - okay." you say simply, then you hear the door close and the water jet open.

You bite your lower lip at the thought of Joel in the shower, who knows what he's like in the shower, if he's taking the same pleasure in warming his skin under the hot water, if…

You try to hold back your thoughts about him, and at that moment another lightning rips through the sky, which makes you remember to text your mother. You go to pick up the phone and text her you are sleeping at Gina's tonight and you dinner together. She immediately replies to be careful and lock yourself in. You roll your eyes and after answering with a simple okay, you lock the phone and return to reality.

Joel has just turned off the tap, you clasp your hands, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. Maybe you should have waited for him downstairs, maybe you shouldn't have stayed there in his private space, maybe…. Joel appears with his curly hair tousled, his expression relaxed and wearing a gray T-shirt that clings to his broad chest and wraps around his biceps and a pair of shorts. You look at each other from head to toe and see him swallow.

"Y're so sweet." he tells you after a few moments of silence from both of you.

"Thank you." you say not knowing what to do or say "D' ya feel better after a hot shower?" you add barely sustaining his gaze.

"Yeah." he answers you, but you clearly read in his eyes a desire to want more than just to look at you.

"Joel, um, you didn't have to," you tell him trying to break that moment that is shaking you to the core.

He swallows "Yes, well … don't worry." you see him waver "You'd like … a glass of water, to rest …?"

"I want to be with you," you reply, not letting him complete the possible choices he's offering you.

He looks at you questioningly, raising an eyebrow.

Your heart beats fast, then you add, "I'm not proposing anything. I guess. I mean, I just want to be there for you whether you want to talk or sleep."

He nods, "Okay. Oh, before I forget, your clothes are over there drying."

The idea of being stuck there with him in his house with his clothes on never seemed as good an idea as it does now!

You look at him, "What d' ya want to do?"

He runs a hand through his hair "I just want to sleep, I've been going to bed late for a few nights and waking up at four. Tomorrow is the first day I can get up when I want to." he replies, then looks into your eyes "D' ya wanna sleep with me?"

You already did, sleeping with him. But when it happened you were still two strangers, two people getting to know each other, now you are still getting to know each other it's true, but sleeping next to him, smelling his scent, feeling him so close to you, has a very different meaning.

"Yes," you reply in a whisper, nodding.

You look into each other's eyes for a long moment, then he says as he enters the room "Then I'll give you this T-shirt of mine, I only use it to sleep in." he opens a bedside drawer and hands you a white T-shirt "It's clean." he adds as he looks at you quizzically.

"Thank you." you say taking the T-shirt he's handing you.

"Okay." he replies simply "Um-I'll go get some water downstairs, ya change and if ya want to choose the side of the bed ya want to sleep on." he adds making to leave the room.

"Where do you usually sleep?" you ask him.

"On the left side." he replies.

"Okay, then I'll take the right side," you assert.

He nods "Hurry up, I won't be long." he says and then walks away.

In the process of hearing him get off, you slip off the sweater he lent you and slip on his T-shirt, you have no bra on and you hope he won't notice since he seems to be very tired.

You go around the bed and get under the blankets. Your heart is pounding, you've shared a bed with Joel before, but today it seems so special. He makes you feel good and unique.

You also really appreciate that although he touched you and made you come, he didn't stay while you changed, but gave you some privacy in his private space.

You hear the wood of the stairs creak slightly, then Joel appears in the doorway of the room. He looks cautiously inside, when he realizes you are already lying under the blankets, he enters and closes the door. You see him approach the bed, he gives you a long mute look, then pulls off the blankets and slips in as well.

"G' night." he says to you.

"Good night." you reply.

Outside the thunderstorm continues, you can't sleep: you toss and turn in bed, you think you should allow him to sleep because if he notices you couldn't sleep, he'd probably keep you company or go down on the couch and you don't want him to. It wouldn't be right. You turn to your right side and stare from time to time at the glow that lights up the room, wonder what happened in Joel's past, what destroyed or upset him so much, wonder if you could ever find a way to make him feel better, to help him open up to you, then decide to stop thinking and allow yourself to rest.

The next day, when you wake up, you don't have blankets on you, he surrounds your waist with a mighty arm, and then there is something else to say good morning: his erection is pressed against your buttocks and you feel uncomfortable, you try to move slightly to reduce contact, but his arm holds you even tighter to him, in fact he presses you even harder against him.

You squeeze your eyes shut, that warmth and contact making you shiver.

"Joel?" you call softly, "Joel?" you insist, shaking him gently by the arm and turning toward him so you can see his face. His lips are barely parted, his eyes closed, and a blissful expression on his face. You find yourself thinking for the second time he doesn't look a 47-years-old man at all, but at most a 39 or 40 years-old man. You sigh, sorry to disturb his sleep, but hearing him like this is making you wet in your briefs, you need to create some distance from him "Joel?" you call him again and this time, slowly, he opens his eyes and immediately his dark eyes find yours and he smiles at you "Good morning." you say returning the smile "How did you sleep?" you ask him.

"Fine, g' mornin'." he replies with his voice still half asleep.

You turn with your upper body toward him and behold that tender and tremendously sexy image he's offering you even if unbeknownst to him: his hair completely disheveled, his arm still holding you to him, the bulging veins on his forearm, the still sleepy expression painted on his face.

"How did ya sleep?" he asks, putting his arm behind your head as you turn fully toward him, holding him closer.

"Good." you answer moving a finger along his chest, he places his hand on yours. You feel his heart beating fast against your palm as he wraps his hand around yours and then entwines his fingers with yours.

"I thought I was dreaming," he tells you as he looks at your joined hands.

You smile, "What dream?"

"I thought it was a dream to have ya here with me. In my bed. Close to me." he answers you "I wish ya were always here with me." he adds in a whisper, "Sorry, maybe this is too much." he moves his hand away and gently caresses your face until he runs a hand through your hair and brings your face closer to his.

It's a gentle kiss, so sweet and tender.

You savor his scent, his warmth, his touch, his hand through your hair. Then, his hand rests on your neck without breaking the kiss and slowly goes down to your chest. He almost jumps when he notices you aren't wearing a bra, breaks your kiss and puts his head on the pillow. He looks you in the eye. It's impossible not to realize he'd like to do more, much more.

You look into each other's eyes for a long time, then you do what you already wanted to do last night: you take his hands, noticing in the weak sunlight the cuts, and kiss there where you see the little scars. You see him close his eyes and breathe deeply through his nose, "Joel," you call to him, he opens his eyes again "if I were more experienced, what would you have done?"

"Are ya really asking me 'bout that?" he asks. He's not angry nor disappointed; he seems surprised. You nod, kissing another scar you notice on his left forearm, while his eyes seem to become dark pools.

"Tell me." you invite him to answer without stopping kissing those cuts.

He opens his lips for a second, then closes his eyes and breathes deeply, saying, "I'd undress you and kiss every inch of your body. I'd caress and suck your nipples until you moan my name." hear this shakes you inside "I'd lick your intimacy and gently run two fingers inside you until I get you ready to be fucked," the obscenity of his words would made you blush, but not today; rather, you feel wet and you realize just then you are holding your breath "then I'd fuck you slowly and gently taking all the time in the world to make you come." he adds swallowing.

"Could you, um, teach me?" he moves his head slightly to the side on the pillow "Could you teach me how to make me feel good?" you ask him feeling your cheeks on fire.

"D' ya really want it?" he asks.

You simply nod, not knowing what else to add.

He pounces on your lips as he pushes your head back against the pillow. Your heart is pounding wildly in your chest, when he breaks the kiss you are both breathless. He looks you in the eye, then rests his forehead against yours as you feel one of his hands caressing your bare breasts from under your T-shirt. You groan as you close your eyes, "I love caressing your breasts, they're so soft." he confesses to you, caressing that delicate portion of skin in a languid caress that makes you swallow and then moan softly. He kisses you gently again, then turns on his right side and puts an arm back under your head "I show you." he tells you taking your left hand and bringing it inside your briefs, both of you moaning at the contact with your soaked intimacy, "In time you'll figure out what you like to make you wet and make it easier." he continues in a tone of voice of one who is struggling not to give in to what would have been his true intentions.

"Getting me wet mean I'm getting aroused?" you ask him, becoming even redder in the face.

"Yes." he tells you making his hot breath break against your cheek and making you gasp.

Feel his hand on yours wet with your cum shakes you even more making you throw your head back, "Are you still with me?" he asks you.

You look at his face, see his features distorted with pleasure "Yes." you answer breathlessly.

"All you have to do is touch yourself here." he says, while in the meantime he makes you touch a specific spot of your intimacy that jolts you "Touch yourself. When you feel pressure here," he explains, pulling his hand away from yours for a moment to rest it on your belly, "tell me that I'll help you feel good, okay?"

You nod "Don't leave me." you say, he rests his forehead against your head.

"I won't leave you." he reassures you by kissing one cheek and returning to lay his hand on yours, the room fills with your moans and a few expletives, you try to contain yourself you don't want to look completely desperate, you try to stifle your moans by tightening your lips, but with little result, you involuntarily clench your legs "Honey, y'have to keep them open so you don't hurt yourself." he tells you kissing the corner of your mouth.

"Joel…" you groan "I think I'm going to…" you can't articulate any thoughts, his hand on yours, his breath on your neck, his tender kisses on your earlobe and cheek, his husky voice are enough to bring you already into a world out of the ordinary.

"Are ya already…?" he asks you, looking surprised, but adding nothing more. He makes you take your hand away and he continues, his caress is, like last time, firm and has a much faster pace. You feel yourself in that bubble again, the only thing you can do is squeeze Joel's other hand with one hand and clench the T-shirt he's wearing into a fist as you moan his name.

Shivers of pleasure run through your body. Then, your vision blurs and you close your eyes moaning his name louder and louder feeling your orgasm washes over you.

When the orgasm wanes, you hear him breathing heavily and feel his fingers touch that bundle of nerves gently until pleasure fades away. He kisses your forehead and only then you open your eyes again and find him looking at you, "There you are!" he exclaims with a small smile and making you smile too.

"Am I strange?" you ask him looking into his eye.

"What d' ya mean?"

"Earlier you seemed surprised when I was about to-- Uhm-- " you still have to get used to thinking and saying certain words out loud.

"Coming?" you nod "No, it's your first experiences. It's pretty normal. With time, things will definitely change." he replies.

"Will it be more difficult with time?" you ask him, staying with your hand clasped in his.

"Not difficult, but it'll take a little longer. Then, it also depends on your partner." he explains.

You nod.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks you.

"I'm lucky to have you in my life. You have no idea in how many ways you have saved me, the way you make me feel safe." you answer by bringing your head closer to his neck, he kisses your forehead and rests his head next to yours, he doesn't comment on your words "And what are you thinking about?" you ask him amazed he didn't reply on what you just said.

His face is serious, he remains silent, and it worries you. You squeeze his hand just a little tighter, and he looks up at you as if you want to hear him say what's bothering him.

"I don't know if I'm the right person in your life," you frown and look at him "I mean, I'm much older than you. I've lived everything I had to live, you … you maybe should have had in this bed someone like that little boy you like so much, what's his name? Johnny."

"Never mind his name." you say by sitting on your knees in the middle of the bed turning your gaze toward him "Joel, I'm in this bed with you because I chose to be in this bed with you. It's good for me to be with you. You make me feel important, you make me feel good. When I'm with you, I don't want to be with anyone else," you add.

"Honey," he tells you, stroking your forearm with his fingertips, "I'm fine with you too, but maybe it's not fair you and I went beyond guitar lessons, maybe we should have stayed in our roles, I should never have taken you there to the cabin, I should never have started digging into your life and allowed you into mine and I into yours. I feel guilty for doing that. I feel like this role doesn't belong to me." he says without looking at your face.

"Joel, we're not doing anything illegal, remember?" you tell him, reminding him of a question yourself asked him a long time before "Life is mine and I decide who to share it with." you add and then lean toward him and kiss him, it's a different kiss than before. The rhythm is faster, demanding.

"Baby girl, I'm afraid I'm doing it all wrong with you," he tells you between kisses.

"Sssh shut up." you tell him and then resume kissing him, you take his hands and squeeze them tightly between yours, fingers intertwining. Now yours is a ravenous kiss.

He takes his hands away from yours for a moment and places them on your hips, thrusting you onto him as he too sits in the middle of the bed with you on him. On contact with his arousal you both moan.

You run your hands through his mussed hair as you both find yourselves breathlessly facing each other.

"D' you still think you are making a mistake with me?" you ask him.

"Yes." he replies feebly.

You dare, you don't know if you will make a mistake, if he will like it, if it will bother him, but you dare.

You kiss him gently on his lips, then leave light kisses along his jaw line feeling the unmade beard pinch against your lips, then go down slowly along his neck and feel him hold his breath.

"Does it bother you?" you ask him inhaling his scent closing your eyes for a moment.

"No, you're a natural, little girl," he replies holding his breath.

"What can I do to change your mind, Joel?" you ask him taking the reverse route.

"You're playing with fire, baby girl." he replies without really answering you by clasping his hands on your hips just a little tighter.

Your skin is covered with shivers, you clench in your shoulders not to show him the power he has over you even though you are in charge right now and especially not to blush at this sort of threat from him. You don't know exactly what the next move is, but you don't want Joel to leave you, you don't want what has been created between you to be broken and for each of you to return to your own lives. Right now go back to that life, to that useless monotonous life, you had it hurts you.

"Since I met you" you tell him giving him a lip-smacking kiss "my life has finally made sense." you go on giving him another one "Please" you say giving him another kiss "don't leave me." you add giving him another kiss and this time he captures your lips between his. He kisses you, wrapping you completely in his arms and pressing your torso even more against his. You wish this kiss would not end or, rather, would lead to the next step, but he stops. His eyes are glazed over, his lips swollen with kisses and his breath short.

"Y're beautiful." he says, gently stroking the back of your neck and running a hand through your hair. If only you were more experienced and Joel a more selfish man, he would have released his erection, removed your briefs and fucked you properly, but Joel is not like that.

"Don't be afraid, Joel. I'm not. If I'm with you," you tell him stroking his cheeks gently.

You see him close his eyes and tighten his lips, then he sighs heavily and looks into your eyes "I wanted to show you something last night, well-- it was supposed to be a surprise, but the storm messed things up a bit." he tells you still giving your hips a gentle squeeze and then motioning for you to move "Wait here. It's a surprise. When I tell you, close your eyes, okay?" he says as he leaves the room.

You are out of breath, wishing for more, but maybe that's enough for now.

Now all you can do is wait for his surprise.

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raayllum · 6 months ago

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im new to the fandom, so I miss a lot of the discourse (helped ofc by the fact you're kinda the only dp blog I follow), so everytime you mention the s4 backlash I'm like....how in the world could people hate that season or rayllum in it? It doesn't compute for me!

The last ship I was particularly engaged with, has a lot of similarities with rayllum. They were best friends, life partners before they were ever /romantic/ life partners. And they went through a /lot/ of trauma, miscommunication, and being on opposite sides of the same fight, etc etc.

the difference to rayllum was that they never rlly gave each other the grace they need. They also never talked on screen, but unlike rayllum it wasn't because it was the best option for them, it's just that the writers didn't want to include it ever - to the point that when they finally did an episode addressing it, it landed...very flat? Because it was about six seasons in, addressing things as far back as the second season, that they'd apparently never spoken to each other about before (they were tragically engaged when this happened).

Rayllum GENERALLY but especially in s4 have a really special place in my heart, because they feel very realistically messy - but it doesn't feel like it's there so there's some drama to keep audiences hooked. It feels authentic, and is one of those rare cases where it strengthens their relationship. I definitely could buy that rayllum would survive anything that hit their relationship by the end of s3, but getting to actually SEE that and see how much they're willing to work through out of love and respect for each other? Fantastic.

(also like it's such good character development....i am with u in the s4 defense squad. is there a squad? If there is I'm in it)

First off welcome to the fandom and I hope you're having a good time!!

The fact that my blog is mostly discourse free cause while I tag accordingly (fandom nonsense and dragons gets salty for potential blacklisting purposes) I always worry I can dip too far into that on occasion (I do my best not to unless being called out by name, and even then mostly do my best to ignore stuff), but there's not too much discourse within TDP in general — at least not in the Rayllum corner, luckily.

I think that's why the S4 backlash really surprised and threw me for a loop, because my partner and I finished the season at like 7AM on release day and while different than expected, we loved it and thought it was great from the start. Then we went online and people in the fandom who I'd largely always agreed with were having a really hard time with the season and it was disheartening at least to not have many people to talk to about why 1) S4 is TDP's thematically strongest season thus far and that's still true, 2) it's Ezran's best season imo, and 3) it does a lot of things really really well in really interesting ways.

I always try to never come down Too Hard on the s4 backlash just because people are of course entitled to their feelings/opinions then as well as now (even if some people's tunes have definitely changed), but a lot of it did feel sometimes short sighted if not immature.

Like soo many people are still mad that Rayla and Callum broke up in an offscreen graphic novel, when S4 would still be S4 regardless of whether TTM existed and like... if Rayla worrying that she failed (again) and went off on her own (again) to protect Callum was a big logical leap, then that person honestly just wasn't paying attention; there's not much else to say there. I also think it's just a strange choice to assume that Nothing Major would change the second you find out about a timeskip; like, almost everything else is status quo, Rayla being gone is the One Major Change and people couldn't handle that being a Surprise?

Like you said, conflict between a couple is not inherently a bad thing; it can be good and interesting, and this was always a relationship hurdle I think a lot of Rayllums (myself included) expected Rayla and Callum to have to tackle. Not liking how extreme or 'dramatic' it was (ie. season long arc > just a few episodes, or Rayla leaving > just trying to leave) is fair enough, but given that it's rooted in so much of Rayla's character, I'd much rather take a long way around approach that's in depth. I'm also just Glad and Grateful that the show is tackling it and treating it like the issue it is rather than sweeping things under the rug.

The fact that Callum's version of anger wasn't the one people wanted is another issue, but again — his anger went the way I'd always thought it might if he just went through enough trauma, and even if he had yelled at her, I don't think the season would've necessarily gone any different than it did other than them crying more early on. Which I've written and wouldn't have minded, but I also don't dislike the alternative route canon took — of course they were never going to get all variations out there, but Callum is cold as hell and being a bit of a jerk while also being valid and tempering himself because he doesn't want to hurt her anymore than she wants to hurt him (and Callum has always been very very bad at being/staying mad with Rayla or Ezran anyway).

I saw a lot of pushback against Rayllum being 'platonic' (which was annoying as an aromantic person lemme tell you, as though platonic is lesser), being "broken up for no reason" (Rayla being hyper-independent was not a secret and always going to be what threatened to rip them apart; they are also still Visibly and Repeatedly In Love with each other how is that broken up), or that they didn't get to have a Big Feelings Time in S4.

With that in mind, there's a lot that also matters in a relationship beyond just Open Communication, tbh. There's going to be times in life where you're not able to or unwilling to talk about certain things (given that S4 is maybe a week, I think that's reasonable; especially when Rayllum still haven't talked to each other about it as of s5 and no one I saw have an issue in S4 about it has complained about it there) and like... how do you treat each other when you're still mad or confused and haven't talked everything out? Do you still take care of each other, are you still doing your best to be considerate of each other (even if you're also not going to be perfect)? That shit matters just as much if not more as people able to sit down and hash things out.

I think the truth is a lot of the things that pissed people off about S4 would've been true even if the opposite things had happened:

N'than is flat and under developed unlike Ellis → N'than is more developed → why is N'than taking away from screentime for other characters?

The Sunfire plotline feels disconnected from the rest of the story (nvm that Viren's arc from 1x06 onwards doesn't affect any main character again until 3x04) → the Sunfire plot line has more connections to the main cast crammed in → more complaints about pacing and things feeling overly stuffed, as scenes already change from one to the next quite clearly

Callum and Rayla have a big talk sometime between 4x03-4x07 → this doesn't give Callum enough time to be angry / makes him seem unreasonable because he's admitted he was mostly worried but is still not fully letting her in despite her spilling her guts to him (and in what world would Rayla give excuses, again, when she knows he's the one hurting and taking priority in her mind)

S4's humor was bad because there were fart jokes (in one episode) → the crowlord's joke is so much worse than the fart jokes imo and is on par with the walnut joke in 1x06. also 1-2 scenes with jokes that didn't work for you out of 9 whole ass episodes is like. you're just a wuss i'm sorry

The Sunfire plot line is boring → will never not feel like "I just can't connect or be interested in politics and religious disagreements when it's mostly about Black people for Some Reason (racism)" to me tbh

There was no way to please everyone especially after a three year hiatus (because people think, For Some Reason, that how much time it takes for a story to come out should change how that story is written and it really, really doesn't) but yeah. The internet showed their asses and I was Not Impressed lmao

TLDR; a lot of the S4 backlash was "I'm mad this isn't happening now and I'm stressed out/worried that it won't be" as opposed to "this is only a problem if it never happens at all, but I have faith that it will," and I will love S4 forever. The Callum-Viren parallels being ramped up, the theme of duality and moving "doing terrible things for love" to the forefront with multiple characters (Rayla, Terry, Viren, Claudia), seeing Ezran step into his role as king, Callum's arc being shown > told, the set up for the possession plot line, Janaya's engagement and relationship development + Amaya and Janai's independent arcs? Chef's kiss. S4 is my best friend and its Rayllum dynamic is on par with S3 for me, and I am very grateful the fandom's attitude towards s4 and s4 Rayllum is a lot warmer / more reasonable now

When Callum says "unconditionally" in 5x01 and all their stuff in S5 we know and believe it because we've seen them fight and work so hard to come back from some pretty terrible brinks in imperfect ways, and I'll always love s4 for that. The most aspec Rayllum season by far

#thanks for asking #anonymous #also feel free to come off anon and message me if you'd like! i promise i don't bite and that i am a loser (affectionate)#long post #s4 is my best friend #s4 #arc 2 #which is saying something bc s2 and s1 rayllum is also SO GOOD #like it never has to be anyone's favourite by any measure. but it is just NOT a bad season or handling of the characters #it's just not

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alchemist-shizun · 3 months ago

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MYATB ep 11 commentary

LETS GOOOOOO, live reaction because i was at work for 6 hours right when the episode released!! enjoy me going insane

Xiaobao my son he's all grown up and trying to go about this the smart way, trying to convince Su Yin with logical reasons, he's amazing. Though Su Yin not wanting to listen to him breaks my heart, I MEAN THE WAY HE LOOKED AT HIM I THOUGHT HE WOULD COMPLY :(

i dont know what it is about them telling the horses to go but it's so fucking funny each time I hear it.

WhATS THIS RANDOM MURDER AOOO these strangers are bloodthirsty

the flying was incredibly off but it's fine we love this terrible green screen it makes it better <3

shaoyu appearing there menacingly, thank you

wdym he must get the crimson dahlia before he dies, DO U WANT TO KILL HIM AFTER AR EU NOT EVEN GONNA MAKE THE EFFORT well you know what su yin, well played, slay, I'd also be that lazy

"do you believe everything people say?" THANK YOU SIMING MY ONLY MAN EVER.

oh my god que siming stayed too much with jinbao now he's starting to lose braincells again

OOO SU YIN GAVE HIM THE COLD SHOULDER??

HUAIEN!!!!!

HUAIEN WHAT THE FUCK. NOW YOURE BOTH POISONED.

"Can you save him?" "of course I can" QUE SIMING THE ONLY MAN EVER, ONCE MORE.

It's killing me how Huai'en is incredibly elated that Xiaobao is worried about him and is not in the slightest caring about the fact that he's poisoned

omfg don't tell me the side couple gets together behind the scenes fr I will SCREAM.

Why can't gay people be normal it's always "I love u so much I want to lock you up and never make you leave me ever" or "let me marry your bestie/servant or I will literally destroy you" wtf

"I think you need medical attention" no way que siming just told him he needs to be hospitalized /j su yin please just rest who cares about killing anyone

HAHHAHAHA ZHAOCAI AND XIAOBAO BEING SO SHOOK ABOUT JINBAO'S CONFESSION I love them. dumbasses.

your honor i love him ( #me)

zhaocai is just completely thunderstruck about jinbao's coming out

zhaocai is the token straight in this entire cast, he is revolted and disgusted by gay people and will become homophobic at the first next sight of que siming and I would understand

NOT THE TRANSITION FROM CUTE SCENE TO AGONY.

please stop this madness stop his pain I am going to CRY STOPPPPP

THEY ARE SO BEAUTIFUL THOUGH. I LOVE ANGSTY SCENES LIKE THIS MAN

theyre both gorgeous and make me feel sad

"If he comes back, what will you do with him" I'm going to kiss him AND U CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BOY

SU YIN JUST SAY YOU HAVE INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA AND GO please

when you ask su yin any relationship advice:

i hope that was not su yin nearly crying because I cannot do this

THE SHADOWS ARE BACK

why do those look nearly like su yins robes, huai'en do u have smth to tell us..

xiaoyu singlehandedly saves the plot

I love xiaoyu because when the guy drops all the lore shes like UNFORTUNATELY I COULDNT CARE LESS

UNFORTUNATELY, HUAI'EN COULDNT CARE LESS EITHER GET THEMMM

me, seeing a strange move: what was that :0 also me seeing a weird fx: ... and what was that-

omfg not shaoyu. shaoyu is gonna get himself fuckin killed

OMFG ENOUGH TWISTS WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

what an icon li gongxiang

OH SU YIN AND QUE SIMING ARE HERE??

su yin oh my god. oh my god stop playing the jealous bf please I'm begging u he has two hands

WHY THE FUCK WOULD SHE MARRY XIAOBAO ARE U INSANE. -100 AURA POINTS FOR YOU. WHAT EWWW

SROP STOP STOP MY BOY IS CRYING ON THE GROUND IN FRONT OF EVERYONE LET ME GO CUDDLE HIM PLEASE. PLEASE. WHY MUST U BE THIS CRUEEEEELLLL

"the more I want you the faster I lose you" RIP HUAI'EN YOU WOULDVE DONE NUMBERS ON TUMBLR.

well. that was it. wow what an episode. i thought we weren't going to suffer like tormented ants tonight and here I stand corrected.. i really thought su yin would cave to xiaobao's feelings and turn over a new leaf with huai'en but I guess I was wrong :( I WANT THOSE THREE TO BE HAPPY U DONT GET IT. THEIR DYNAMIC WOULD BE SO TASTY, as I'm sure others have realized

the little twist was nice, i was very sure that Li guy was cooked and instead no. Siming was still a chaos queen, zhaocai a mood, jinbao our beloved idiot and xiaobao victim of many torturous aches, I hope the shadows are okay and me? i just want to throw myself in the river if I cannot enter the screen and hug huai'en immediately. Thank you, see u tomorrow for another one pf these.

#meet you at the blossom #myatb #myatb spoilers #jin xiaobao #zongzheng huaien #su yin #que siming #zhaocai #jinbao #zongzheng shaoyu #jin xiaoyu #zouying #youying #idek if thats the right names for the shadows #idya pls stop

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reikiajakoiranruohoja · 1 year ago

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Second Inquisition WOW

I don't even know how to preface this, because this is some massive tonal confusion. I guess the best way to put it is that for all I love Werewolf and Vampire, I am not blind to the horror they are for humans. Though my go-to question for anyone writing monster hunters is why they hunt, I still feel hunters are extremely important to the narrative as a counterpoint to the monsters. So when I read the introduction text for the Second Inquisition book for V5, my jaw hit the floor.

"The theme of the Second Inquisition is determination – aimed at the player coterie. Like a certain killer cyborg from the future, the Coalition can’t be reasoned with, it can’t be bargained with. It doesn't feel pity or remorse or fear and it absolutely will not stop. Ever. Individual Inquisitors or soldiers or cops or nuns can be reasoned with and bargained with. Most feel fear, some feel pity, and even a few feel remorse. All those deviations and human moments make excellent stories, ripples in the flood. But the narrative relentlessly washes over those stories, replacing every flawed or broken foe with two more – ten more — out for revenge or salvation. The Inquisition as a whole – both as a conspiracy and a movement that enflames that conspiracy – will not stop until every Kindred burns. Conveying the impersonal, implacable determination of a gigantic bureaucracy to crush the player characters should not be impossible in the 2020s – but it should be very effective."

Why this made me stare at the screen, is how the Inquisition was introduced in an older book;

"The theme of The Inquisition is the crusader. The Society of Leopold sees itself as humanity’s last stand against the encroaching hordes of the World of Darkness. Inquisitors are the new Crusaders; all the Earth is their Holy Land. But theirs is a lonely struggle, bereft of the support of those whom they would save. The general populace does not know of the struggle, and would most likely think the Inquisitors are mad. Inquisitors are holy knights, alienated from their fellow mortals by their knowledge of what awaits. Some within the Inquisition are zealots, it is true, but it is better to err on the side of caution than to let slip the defences of humanity." The difference is stark, especially as they are talking about the same sort of hunters. The reason I find the newer book's take extremely strange, is due to the fact that the player characters in VtM are undead bloodsucking parasites that manipulate humanity and have magic blood powers that make them much stronger than an average human. Yet the V5 book chooses to introduce the inquisition as horrible people who will never stop hunting poor innocent vampires. It goes even as far as the art.

(Start ID; A mixed media picture with modified photographs. A bald man in a trenchcoat is scowling with his fists clenched. He is holding the severed head of a female vampire from its hair. The expression on the head is of wide-eyed horror. End ID.)

(Start ID; A book cover with the text Inquision as the title, with a crosshair symbol reading 'Year of the Hunter' on the bottom. The cover art is a painted picture of a bearded man in a trenchcoat and torn jeans wielding in one hand a large cross and in another a lit torch. There is a shotgun and spent shells on the tiled floor. Just outside the light of the torch, a horde of vampires with glowing eyes has surrounded the man, some shirking from the light. End ID.)

One treats the hunter as a threat overpowering a vampire. The other treats the hunter as a lone figure surrounded by a mass of vampires. Let me be quite frank, humanity in WoD are the mice that the cats (vampires) hunt. Hunters are the mice that fight back. A vampire in VtM, regardless of edition, has an advantage over a hunter. Vampires use humans as prey, the polite ones pay them for it but they don't HAVE to. In V5 you are given various methods to hunt for your blood, some which are cruel. Painting the people standing up to creatures that actively harm humans as the abusers and the ones in the wrong is extremely tone deaf. Vampires are not some oppressed minority trying to eke out a living, a vampire is creature that needs to drink blood to survive and human blood is the best. In V5's own lore, it is only recently that vampires are even put on the backfoot at all. Before that, humanity were pawns in centuries long grudgematches and at best a quick bite snack at wost fleshcrafted into sacks hung from hooks. Can there be good vampires and bad hunters? Of course, WoD is all about the shades of gray. It is when the basic set up of the setting is turned around like this that I have a problem.

#vampire the masquerade #vtm #world of darkness #wod #v5 #second inquisition #rambly ddw

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elpis-simps · 10 months ago

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Okay I just found out something. So we all know Captain Marvel. (BTW this post is for marvel fans) and her movie. I've watched that movie multiple times. Love it, I think it's written fairly well, great CGI, funny script, good lore and story, love how everything ties in, overall its a really good movie; and captain marvel is one of my favourite superheroes, and one of the most badass.

WHY THE F*CK do people think she's a "bad movie and bad superhero" like it's one of the really good B.E movies! (Before Endgame)

**I'm using B.E as Befoee Endgame because A.E (after endgame) is arguably the worse marvel era. Don't get me wrong, it has some great stuff in A.E, but B.E is just better overall.

Anyways, back to what I was saying. I think k Brie Larson was a great actress and did really well portraying the character Captain Marvel. Not to mention captain marvel was one of the overpowered superheroes in the B.E era, before they started making everyone OP to defeat big CGI villains and to make their movies more action packed to get more views and stuff. She had good plotline, good powers, cool backstory, funny, and genuinely one of my favourite female superheroes.

I would love to see her as the new face of the MCU, A.E. considering they killed off what was generally considered the "face" of the MCU, Iron Man and Captain America, they haven't put much focus on one or two specific people to be aforementioned face.

Captain marvel hasn't been killed off, she has amazing potential, and she's personally one of my favourite 'Big Badass Backup To Fight Big Strong Villain" in those "No hope left" moments.

I don't understand the hate on her. May e its because she was, along with Natasha Romanff, one of the first female superheroes on-screen in the MCU. Sexism is a big thing in movies and stuff, but I have some reasons why I think she and another person- who I will mention later- should be the next 'Face of the MCU'.

1: the previous 'face' duo was Iron man and Captain America. So it sta ds to reason, along with what marvel has been doing to be more racially and gender inclusive, that we should have 2 female superheroes.

Yes I know the whole 'really overexaggerated feminist film superhero plotline new budget annoying superhero to earn more money and get higher ratings' thing is annoying; but hear me out.

Point 2: I have a few options, but to continue off of point 1; I feel like a good combo would be The Scarlet Witch and Captain Marvel. (Wanda Maximoff and Carol Danvers)

They are both powerful, badass, good storyline, great actors behind them heroes/characters. They could make for a good duo to contrast from the B.E duo of men.

Point 3: yes u know that Wanda is 'dead' BUT before the rocks fell on her, you could clearly see a flash of RED MAGIC in the rocks. After the entire Dr Strange MoM (multiverse of madness) plotline was 'Scarlet Witch has grown in power she's following us into DUFFERENT DIMENSIONS and was prophesied since the DAWN OF TIME, and has unlocked much more of her powers, I HIGHLY doubt some normal old rocks would kill her.

It's just unlikely considering how obscure some of marvels foreshadowing has been, we know that they foreshadow films that come out like 3 years later.

Point 4: moving away from Captain Marvel and Wanda, how about a new duo.

Bucky Barnes and Yelena Belova. Its similar to the old duo of Captain America (man out of time, from 1940, soldier) and Iron Man (normal human, with special training/ gear that is one of the only things that makes them super.)

This duo would be interesting, especially as we've seen both bucky AND yelena on an official marvel movie poster together.

I personally love both characters;and it pays homage to the golden age of marvel B.E.

Bucky is homage to Captain America (obviously) and Yelena is homage to both Iron Man AND Natasha Romanoff.

And it could allow for more opportunity of the old age to come shining back through the new age, in the form of two humans, who have a rivalry,

(I think it would be interesting to have bucky and yelena to have a mild rivalry at least, considering we chose them due to there similarities with the old duo, cap and stark)

Who are also enhanced in ways that gives them an advantage in fighting, and it could give a lot of opportunity to save marvel. And bucky is a fan favourite character, so considering marvels reputation going down now their movies are getting worse COMPARED TO B.E, I think this could be a great way to bring the nostalgia of the old movies back.

So my original rant was about captain marvel being hated. Sorry for making you read all this, and if you have read everything here, I thank you immensely for giving me the time and chance.

I really miss the B.E era, and hate how they kill off all the OG great characters for new, sh*ttier superheros like Kamala Khan.

So here is just some ideas in my passionate rant which I would love to see. I love Wanda and Captain marvel, but personally I think I would prefer the Winter Soldier and White Widow duo because it would need less fancy magic CGI, and give the film(s) they appear in a more B.E and better quality feel then just a bunch of CGI that takes away from the quality of the movie and storyline, and the lack of CGI ( I mean the bright magic flashy stuff they constantly use in A.E, not the general cgi they more often use in B.E)

Would give the film(s) a better, more enostalgic, more authentic, emotional, just overall better film quality and plotline.

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rabarbarzcukrem · 2 years ago

Text

Hi, this is my first time posting fanfiction. Please keep in mind that I am not a native English speaker and be kind enough to excuse any mistakes.

This short fic was inspired by these two lovely pieces of art by @helloanthy and @biruesque:

Ship: Utena Tenjou x Anthy Himemiya

Contains: one shot, post-canon, reunion, Anthy is a badass now, Utena doesn't remember Ohtori but experiences lesbian feelings nonetheless

~~~~~~~~

Utena was waiting outside the store that she worked at, with her backpack slung over one shoulder. The setting sun gilded the usually dull and grey concrete of the parking lot.

"It's getting colder, I guess autumn is coming soon..." she thought absent-mindedly, casually stretching her arms one after the other. When she had mentioned that she is looking for an apartment during a conversation with her colleague Kokomi the day before, she hadn't expected that an opportunity would present itself so soon. Her friend had instantly lit up and started rambling on about some girl that she knew, who was apparently looking for a roomate right now.

Utena glanced at her phone screen. Half past six.

The girl was supposed to pick her up after work - so about 15 minutes ago - so she could see the apartment. And although Utena had assured that it's unnecessary and she is perfectly capable of getting there on her own, Kokomi replied that the roomate-to-be presented the idea herself and would gladly give Utena a ride.

"She'd better hurry up, it's gonna start getting dark soon..." she sighed to herself.

Suddenly, a pink motorcycle pulled into the parking lot and stopped just a few meters in front of her. The person driving the vehicle took of their helmet.

"Tenjou Utena, right?" they said, giving her a warm smile. For a moment, Utena forgot how to speak. The girl standing before her had skin of deep brown, glistening emerald eyes and tumbling purple curls, tied into a high ponytail revealing her undercut. There was a Hindu red dot between her eyebrows, which Utena recalled was called 'bindi'. She wore a truly punk outfit - ripped jeans and a leather sleeveless vest with lots of pins, in her ears and on on her face glistened various silver piercings.

"This is the girl?!" thought Utena, shocked and quite intimidated."Just what kind of people does Kokomi hang out with?!"

"U-uh, yeah, that would be me... Kokomi said you're looking for a roomate...?" she managed to choke out awkwardly, scratching the back of her neck with a nervous smile.

The girl nodded, unbuckling a second helmet from the seat and handing it to her. Utena suddenly realized in what way they were supposed to get to the apartment.

"I-I've never ridden a motorcycle before...To be honest, I was expecting a car " Utena explained, a bit embarrassed.

"Don't worry." replied the girl kindly. "Just sit behind me and you'll be alright."

This openly and assuredly tender, affectionate way she was looking at her made Utena feel bashful.

She let out a small breath and put on the helmet. She expected a longer conversation, some questions at least... Maybe the girl wanted them to discuss the details on the spot? Then again, the quiet between them didn't feel uncomfortable, somehow.

As she was getting on the vehicle, Utena realized how close to the girl she would actually be sitting and suddenly felt her cheeks burn. She also smelled a nice, distinctive, floral smell which enveloped the mysterious stranger. Despite how shy and flustered she felt for some reason, there was something that drew Utena to her. And not just because the girl was plain gorgeous, but also due to a strange feeling of comfort and familiarity that the girl induced in her, as if they had known each other for a very long time.

"I could use something to hold onto" Utena thought, considering grabbing the seat, if only to do something with her hands.

As if she was reading her thoughts, the girl spoke calmly:

"It's okay, just put your arm around my waist."

"Ah."

Utena complied carefully, trying very hard not to be too weird about it and ignore the pounding of her agitated heart. And suddenly there was that strange deja vu sensation again - as if she had embraced her this was a hundred of times before. Utena felt like she was forgetting something. Had they maybe...met in the past..?

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I caught your name" said Utena, suddenly realizing that.

The girl was silent for a short moment.

"Anthy" she said, quietly. Was her voice a bit sad, or did Utena just imagine it? "My name is Himemiya Anthy".

And she started the engine.

~~~~~

By the time they got there, it had gotten dark. The apartment was situated on the third floor of a nice-looking building, in a bit isolated area of the city. As Utena followed Anthy up the stairs, listening to the clink of keys in the girl's hand, she couldn't do anything else but wonder how she might have known her. Something in the back of her mind told her Anthy was important to her - so why was her mind blank whenever she tried to remember?

"Make yourself at home," Anthy said, letting her inside. Removing her shoes, Utena looked around the apartment. Apart from the short hallway, there were two pairs of doors, probably leading to a bedroom and a bathroom, and a living room with a small, open kitchen. The main room was decorated very nicely, in a way Utena had to admit she couldn't arrange herself. It was full of pots of plants, cute pieces of furniture and all sorts of knick-knacks that made it feel more cramped than it actually was, but in a cozy way.

"Say hello to Chuchu" said Anthy, picking up something small from the table in the center of the room. She uncurled her fingers, revealing to Utena a tiny, 4-inches tall, purple monkey, with big ears and a curled tail, which appeared to be in the middle of attempting to smallow a chocolate bar whole.

"Um...Hi, Chuchu" said Utena, extending her index finger towards the creature so he could shake it. It was so adorably small and goofy Utena couldn't help but smile.

"He's very cute. Is he your friend?"

Anthy looked at Chuchu with fondness.

"The best of all that I have."

She kissed him on his little forehead and placed him gently on the countertop of one of the cupboards, then walked over to the counter in the kitchen.

"Tea?"

"Um, sure. Thanks."

Utena sat at the table. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a terrarium standing by the wall. It took her a moment to realize that several other living creatures were also moving freely around the apartment.

"Who is this?" Utena asked, a bit surprised, pointing to one of them.

"Oh, my hen, Miss Milly."

"And these?" Utena pointed to another ones.

"Just my kitties, Theodore and Wolfgang."

"And this?"

"My dearest mongoose, Sweet Biscuit Jr."

"I suppose all the ants probably have names as well, huh?"

Anthy smiled at her softly.

"Would my animals be a problem for you, Utena?"

"No, I just... didn't think you were that kind of girl" she said, before thinking.

Anthy turned towards her, intrigued.

"That kind?" she asked, more curious than offended.

"It's just, because of the way you dress, I thought you were one of these, hardcore ones, not the type to care about animals and stuff" said Utena nervously, wanting to explain her poor choice of words, but realized that she just made it worse. "B-But for some reason, it feels right, you know?" She added quickly. "It makes sense. If anything, I think it makes you...even cooler..."

"Ah, a pretty, totally badass girl brings you to her house and the first thing you do is embarrass yourself!" she scolded herself in her thoughts, but the only thing Anthy did was chuckle softly and say "Thanks", before geting back to preparing tea for them.

For a moment a calm, comfortable silence fell upon the room. For some reason, sitting at that table filled Utena with a warm, nostalgic feeling inside, almost as if... she had finally come home. What a silly thought. Utena was an orphan, she didn't have any family that she knew of, there was no home waiting for her. And yet...

"Himemiya" Utena said suddenly, which she noticed made Anthy flinch. "This may sound weird, but have we....met before?"

The girl turned around to face her, with the warm smile back on. Utena expected an answer, but Anthy kept quiet.

"I'm thinking we may have gone to school together or something" explained Utena hurriedly, thinking Anthy didn't understand. "Like, maybe we were in different classes...I suffered an injury in middle school, I admit I don't remember much of that time."

Anthy stared at her in silence for a moment, her expression unchanging. Utena guessed she may be lost in thought, trying to recall something. But when she finally spoke, it was just a question, in a perfectly calm, although a bit deeper voice:

"Are you a forgetful person, Utena?"

This startled her.

"Uh...."

She didn't have a clue what to say to that. But she had a gnawing feeling that it was important, somehow.

".....Anyway" said Anthy, suddenly cheerful again, as if the previous interaction hadn't taken place. "Would you like some cookies as well? I just baked them yesterday."

"Sure..."

Utena followed Anthy with her eyes for a bit, puzzled, as the girl pulled out the cookies from one of the cabinets.

"She's avoiding the subject" she thought. "I guess I shouldn't be pushy, if she doesn't want to talk about it..."

She sighed and looked through the window. The moon was shining unusually brightly, the night sky was unclouded and full of stars. She noticed that the apartment had a balcony, and on it, through the glass, she saw....

"Are those roses?" asked Utena, standing up suddenly, something pulling her towards the balcony doors. She opened them and stepped outside, feeling the refreshing, chilly air against her skin. The balcony was, indeed, packed with pots and pots of beautiful, pink roses, which barely left any room for a person to stand comfortably.

"So this is where the floral smell comes from..."

As she was standing there, in awe of the sight before her, she heard Anthy step outside too and close the door.

"Are all of them yours?" asked Utena, smiling wide, genuinely impressed. "They probably need a lot of care... You must really love roses, huh?"

Anthy returned the smile, but there was something pained in her voice when she responded with a short, quiet:

"...Yes."

Looking into the girl's eyes, under the starry sky, she couldn't shake off the feeling that there's something she should say, something she should do, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't figure out what. Her throat tightened, some weird, intense feeling was building up inside of her, under her skin, she couldn't stand it-

"We should probably get back inside, it's getting cold" she turned around quickly, too quickly, and stumbled on one of the pots.

In a split second, Anthy lunged forward and caught her by the waist, her other hand gripping Utena's, bringing them close.

In that moment, a wave of memories washed over her, and she remembered everything. The academy. The crushing weight of the swords. The struggles they had faced together, the fights she had fought for her, the illusions, the cruel, cruel lies... All the suffering and the horror...And through all of that, Anthy's hand in hers, time and time again. The love.

"Someday, together..."

Overwhelmed, she felt her eyes fill up with tears. Upon seeing this, Anthy's face softened in understanding. She let out half a chuckle, half a sob.

"Utena" she said, her voice trembling with emotion, but so, so loving. "At last...we meet."

"You escaped. You got out of there."

"I wanted to find you."

Utena couldn't bring herself to say anything else, there was no need to. No words could ever describe what had happened between them, the feelings they had for each other. Instead, she intertwined their fingers together, and the act of it felt like putting together two halfes of a broken heart.

A loud, unpleasant whistling sound filled the air.

Anthy let out a small breath and smiled in amusement, lowering her gaze.

"The tea..."

There they were, sitting at a table again, with two cups, a plate of cookies, and ChuChu sleeping peacefully beside them. Anthy took both of Utena's hands in hers, and squeezed them gently. Right now, neither of them felt like drinking. No words were spoken that night. Just tears of pure joy spilled, and knowing, tender smiles exchanged. It wasn't a happy ending, it was hardly an ending at all. The next day, there were other hardships for them to face. But in that moment, none of that mattered, because these two girls found each other, and at last - were free. Finally, together, shining brighter than the stars in the sky.

#fanfiction #revolutionary girl utena #rgu #tenjou utena #anthy himemiya #utenanthy #shoujo kakumei utena #moje

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