#it's not like I can't cry I cried two days ago because I've been feeling like a failure

[strawberryblue-blog]

Babysitter —Ruben Dias.

summary: Being Carlota's shared babysitter with Ruben has never been so difficult.

warnings: none. enemies to lovers, curses, cute, soft, some jealousy, etc.

words count: +2.5k

#SEXYNOTE: HI!!! I really apologize for disappearing again, i already finished my first semester and i'm back for you 💌 Thank you for all the support while i was gone, love you 🩷

Soirée music played in the place as you talked animatedly with your date, drinking an expensive red wine cellar that you had saved for a special reason and laughing when George talked to you about his life.

Today you had decided to bring your date home and prepare something to eat, quietly and thoughtfully, to get to know your co-worker better, who had insisted on taking you out to dinner but when you had another plan in mind, he modestly agreed.

A few months ago he had come to your job as a finance manager at the company you worked for, these last few weeks you had been getting to know each other better and you were happy with your new relationship. You were really hoping that you could make something happen, because George was a gentleman and you liked him a lot.

So after welcoming him into your home, you were now sitting on the couch, after dinner, drinking and chatting about yourselves, getting to know each other a little better. There was no hint of seductive closeness on his part but you tried to laugh at all his jokes and look delighted with his stories so he would notice you had attention. The talk was coming along great, exchanging laughs and melodious glances. Maybe he hadn't approached you but you could tell he was looking at you, he was being nice and you really enjoyed the time with him.

Until the doorbell rang and you were a little surprised, almost scared. It was quite unusual for someone to come at this hour and even less so if they had not warned you before. You politely excused yourself, confused as to who it was and walked to your door.

Oh no. It couldn't be.

You quickly opened the door when a baby's cries startled your ears and you saw the man standing in front of you, holding the desperately crying child.

"What are you doing here, Ruben?" you asked closing the door behind you, your hands went to the baby to take when the young man handed her to you defeated.

"She won't stop crying, I've done everything but she won't listen to me" you say quickly and you cradle the child trying to calm her down.

"Shhh" you say stroking her back while looking for an explanation from the young man. "You're supposed to take care of her today, it's my day off!" you whisper as you continue to stroke the baby's back and cuddle.

Carlota, the little one only a few months old, cries desperately on your shoulder as you cradle her trying to soothe her but it seems something else was bothering her.

Her watery eyes looked at you as her crying continued to impact your ears, you hated to see her cry and you probably looked like you were going to cry too. It wasn't the right time but you couldn't help but feel sad for her.

"I know but I can't calm her down, I tried for quite a while" he says worriedly. "And I'm not going to bother her parents on their last day of vacation" he replies and you want to punch him.

Damn it. Just now? Ugh!

Carlota is the daughter of Ines, your best friend and the daughter of Bernardo, the best friend of who is standing in front of you. Ruben Dias. A self-centered jerk you can't stand but the two of them are Carlota's godparents and were in charge of being her babysitters for these days, while your best friends and father of this little girl were on a mini "vacation".

"I told you everything you had to do, it was only one day, Ruben!" you say angrily again. Your hand rubs Carlota's back, seeking some comfort for the little girl.

"I did it, Y/n!" he shouts exhaustedly and you shush him.

Your neighbors have probably already heard his screams arguing and clearly the little girl's screams, so you reopen the door to your house and walk in with Carlota in your arms. You need to calm her down or it will be worse in a while.

Damn. For a moment you forget that inside your home was your date and you sigh, cursing slowly when you see him in the living room. George stands up from his place on the couch and looks at you confused as you walk towards him with a little girl in your arms, you think as you try to find the right words to explain the event. Ruben walks in behind you and you can hear him hold back his laughter, mocking you and even though you're not seeing him but you're sure there's a smirk on his face.

"Oh, I get it" you hear Ruben whisper as he sets Carlota's purse on the living room table.

«Don't say anything, please» you plead in your head as you give an apologetic smile to your date, who is still looking at you confused and even a little scared with the whole situation.

"I'm so sorry, George" you apologize to him. "It's an unforeseen emergency..."

"You'd rather have a date than take care your daughter" Ruben's words make you go speechless.

Quickly your eyes dart to him and you can see his gaze enjoying this moment, your teeth squeak as you clench them smiling at him to shut him up.

"No!" you shout quickly but you startle Carlota, who cries loudly again and you have to gently rock her.

"This is a misunderstanding" you tell him quickly.

George opens his mouth to say something and you can see how his face is disfigured, he is somewhat disappointed and surprised, you can even see how he is trying to take things in. You don't judge him, you would be too if your date looks like with a baby out of nowhere. But it's not what he thought.

"It's not what it looks like, she's my..." you try to say but Carlota's desperate scream accompanied by a cry comes again.

You try to calm her down as the little girl hides between your neck and shoulders, curling up. This is chaos, Ruben seems to be enjoying it from his spot as he smirks and you are desperate to calm Carlota down and attend to your date.

"I-I..." you hear him try to say.

"Uh man, she didn't tell you she has a daughter, definitely a red flag" Ruben sneers again.

You're about to explode, Ruben is being a complete idiot for no reason. He needs to shut his mouth immediately before you start crying too.

"It's not my daughter!" you say but to no avail, the baby's screams make anything but understandable and if Ruben keeps talking you're going to kill him right here.

You are beginning to despair. Carlota is still crying and you're starting to suffer for her, your date is about to leave and will probably never call you again and you can see Ruben enjoying the situation as if he planned it. Idiot.

Your date grabs his coat from the seat and starts walking towards the exit without hearing you shouting her name, no way. You hand Carlota to Ruben with a murderous look and run to stop him.

"George, wait!" you yell. "I can explain..." The boy's frightened look looks at you one last time and you see him disappear as the elevator doors begin to close.

Great. Just when you were about to go for more, this happened. Now you were going to have to explain the whole situation to him (if he still wanted to go out with you) but you were sure Ruben had scared him off with this whole misunderstanding.

Damn it, Ruben.

You walk like a murderer into the house, you can see how Ruben cradles Carlota, she is still crying but when she sees you she stretches her arms towards you. You hold her as you walk away towards the kitchen, looking for some peace inside because you are about to murder someone. You open your refrigerator and can see the cold gel pacifier that Ines once left for Carlota. You take it and give it to the little girl, who when she tastes it for a few seconds, her crying starts to slow down.

She was upset because her teeth are starting to grow and sometimes it hurts, Ines had said that the cold gel pacifier helped her and surely Ruben had forgotten it.

Peace and harmony reigns again when you no longer hear crying, Carlota even hugs you as you lead the way back to the living room. You stand in front of Ruben and look at him, trying to find an explanation.

He has a flat smile and a laughing expression as if feeling guilty.

"Oh, I forgot" he mumbles simply and grimaces.

"Are you fucking kidding?" you ask suddenly. "I told you, Ruben. Several times!" you say and your blood boils.

He doesn't answer anything, just takes the girl out of your arms and starts walking towards his things. You call out to him, trying to stop him but he keeps walking away from you.

You want explanations. There is no way he has forgotten that her teeth are growing and that he has her medicine and pacifier cold, even though you told him before you left. You had seen to it that Ruben had everything on hand so that Carlota wouldn't miss anything and you wouldn't be bothered.

"You come and interrupt my date just because Carlota was upset with her teeth, you could have called me" you ask confused. "I left you everything, the food, the bottle, even her gel pacifier for her teeth in your refrigerator with her medicine, I don't understand, I gave you every explanation" you keep saying angry but he ignores you.

He starts to put things away, looking like now he is the one who is in a hurry to leave. You won't let him go so easily. Not without hearing him out first.

"Did you really have to come, Ruben?" you ask would be. You cross your hands on your chest and watch him waiting for his answer, as if you have all the time in the world. "Did you really have to interrupt me?" you insist.

"Is Carlotta an interruption for you?" he questions ignoring your question. Great, he's turning the tables.

His brown eyes intensify as his question makes you frown. His gaze stays glued to yours and you feel a funny feeling in your stomach.

"Of course not!" you squeak in denial. "But I told you I couldn't take care of her today, to call me in case of any emergency" you spit through your teeth, you are angry and very much so.

"Look, Carlota, your aunt would rather put someone in her bed than take care of you" he says lifting the girl in front of his face, who watches him curiously

Carlota lets out a laugh that makes you sigh with love. Even without knowing what he's saying she seems happier than ever now. She is so beautiful.

But you're angry and you won't let him get away with it, even if he's funny.

"I'm seriously, Ruben" you murmur harshly.

"What if Carlota really needed something?" he asks in response. "Would you have let something happen to her just to get a man?" sighs suspiciously.

Oh. There is the problem.

Ruben just wanted to screw up your date. Ideas start to come to your head when you think the most. Had he tried to scare George? Saying Carlota was your daughter, acting like an idiot in front of him. Was he jealous? of you? of your date? He clearly wanted to interrupt you, it wasn't an emergency.

"Are you jealous that i had a date, Ruben?" you ask with an amused grimace. "Why did you say that to George?"you keep insisting.

His gaze weakens and he raises his eyebrows quickly shaking his head. Of course he is. A laugh hides in your throat when you think about it again. There is no way. He just wants to ruin you.

"Ruben..." you say again. "You could have called me" you complain as you throw yourself on the couch.

"I just got scared, she wouldn't stop crying and i didn't know what to do" he says after a while.

"You still should have called me"

"Then Carlota and I will leave if we bother so much" he keeps saying as you roll your eyes at his words.

"Give her to me" you ask stretching your arms out to take her, since they're here at least you're going to enjoy your beautiful niece.

Ruben approaches you slowly, sitting down next to you and reaches for Carlota. As you take her in your arms, your fingers touch Ruben's hands and you feel a shiver down your spine. His eyes meet yours for a few seconds but you break the contact when you quickly move away, standing up, holding the girl in your arms until you lay her on your chest and caress her back as she babbles.

The child's crystallized eyes begin to close as she sits quietly on your chest and you smile helping her to sleep with your caresses and your little melody that you begin to hum. You can't help but be moved by the image, she looks so angelic, asleep in your arms as you gently cradle her.

Behind you you feel an exhausted sigh and you slowly turn around watching Ruben begin to fall asleep on your couch. You hide a smile as you see him there, his body is relaxed and he really does look tired, just as tired as Carlota. Now he looks really calm, so much so that you don't know whether to leave him there. You move a little closer and move his shoulder slowly, he opens his eyes again somewhat startled and looks at you confused.

"Let's go to bed" you whisper carefully so as not to wake the little girl. Ruben smiles somewhat sleepily and you roll your eyes in denial.

You start walking towards your room, taking all the care in the world not to disturb Carlota and when you get to your room, you settle her in her crib (which Ines also left one day) and cover her with her teddy bear blanket. The little girl rests peacefully while you caress her chubby cheeks with tenderness.

You hear Ruben enter the room and you tell him to lie down on the bed, while you take off your shoes. He does the same and settles into your spacious bed.

"You really are desperate to have a man in your bed" he whispers teasingly as you lie down in front of him.

"Fuck you" You roll your eyes again with a giggle. He just keeps saying stupid things but you still sigh rarely.

"I only let you sleep in my bed because you'll be the one to wake up if Carlota cries in the middle of the night" you tease amused.

You don't mind sharing the bed with him today and you know he could sleep perfectly well on your couch but from there he won't hear Carlota's cries from here and tonight you'll make him suffer.

"Good point" he mumbles settling into place to find a comfortable position.

"Goodnight, idiot" you whisper closing your eyes to fall asleep.

"Goodnight, princess" he replies after a few seconds and your body vibrates as you feel his words.

The heat in your cheeks starts to burn and you have to open your eyes, so you say nothing, completely ignoring his greeting, pretending to be asleep. Why is your heart racing in such a hurry? He's just teasing you. Damn it.

After a while of struggling with your thoughts, you open your eyes when you feel a slight male snore and see Ruben resting comfortably in front of you. You carefully stretch out your arm, grabbing the blanket and cover him a bit as you sigh deeply.

Your pulse quickens for some reason as you watch him in detail. You shake your head quickly and want to stop looking at him... but you can't.

[hyunsvngs]

What do you think of pushing minho into subspace for the first time, he's usually the one domming the fuck out of you and jisung, and he ends up crying and begging to stop but also for more?

Jisung also finding his own dom side and both of you teaming up to wreck minho and make him scream out your names until he's shaking in your arms

i'm obsessed with these two. thoughts? preferably hard

ok this has been sat in my inbox for literal weeks probably because it just overwhelmed me SO MUCH i didn't know how to approach it. i've been talking to billy about it for days bc it's just on my mind.

"it's too much, too much, i can't- i can't, sung-ah, please, baby," minho's lips are wet from the amount of times he's licked them, parted and plush with heavy breaths coming from his chest. it was his birthday a mere few days ago, and you and jisung had told him you had the perfect present for him. minho's now finding out that it was making him cum until he cried.

jisung's hand falls from minho's cock, still unbearably hard despite cumming three times already. his hand sweeps through the cum on minho's tummy, and then he's pushing his fingers into minho's mouth, making him whine around the digits. jisung raises an eyebrow. "are you sure, hyung? i thought you wanted our girl's pussy too. that's what you were saying, right?"

minho nods, tongue lolling out when jisung's fingers leave his mouth. "i- i do, 'm hard, 's just- i dunno, i can't think, i can't- sungie," minho's eyes flit to you, desperate and unfiltered. "baby, jagi, please."

"d'ya want my pussy, baby?" you coo, and minho nods, his hand moving to polish his cockhead. the overstimulation makes him whimper, head falling back aganist the sheets. "i'm wet enough. it's so fucking hot watching you cum all over yourself like that, like you can't even control yourself."

you're positioning yourself above him now, and minho jolts when you grab his cock to hold it upright. he doesn't stop you though, hands falling to grip onto your hips. jisung's giggling. "i- i can't, can't control myself, might cum, g'na cum when you put it in, i can't- baby, baby, baby-"

you cut him off by dropping down, engulfing his cock with your tight hole in one movement. his eyes roll back and then he's cumming, hips thrusting up to fill you with yet another hot, white load. you tilt your head in mock confusion before you're moving, hips bouncing on his cock. he's still hard.

"how many was that, hyung?" jisung murmurs in his ear, hand moving down to tweak at minho's nipple. minho shakes his head, a moan tumbling from his lips. with another bounce of your hips, he's crying, head lolling on jisung's shoulder. "is it good? tell me."

"'s so good," minho mumbles, drool accumulating on jisung's skin from his perpetually open mouth. "jagi's pussy's so good, so good, oh, oh- i can't think, 'm all- sungie."

"oh, baby," you coo, thumb swiping over his bottom lip. "are you feeling all floaty, honey? you want me to stop?"

"please, no!" minho blurts, his head shaking rapidly. "no, no, don't stop, 's so good, please, need to cum again, oh my god, please jagi."

"she won't stop," jisung soothes him, hand stroking down his cheek. you nod in affirmation, clenching your pussy tight on minho's cock just to watch him squirm. "she won't stop. how much cum do you think you can fill her up with, baby? you know there's still my ass to fuck too, right?"

[melissaeilishortega]

Hold me tighter

A/n: For this one, I did two requests (both being about comfort). I know I've been very inactive but I felt like writing :) BYE I STARTED WRITING THIS LIKE A MONTH OR TWO AGO I FINISHED THIS AT 1 AM SO DONT MIND THE SPELLING AND WRITING. PLEASE.

You're burnt out and need comfort :))

Y/n pov:

It was a Thursday night, I was coming back from work with so many emails to read and answer as a former assistant and so many essays to write as a student. Thursday was always the busiest day. The teachers would give more work so that students work hard even on the weekends and for some reason, customers reach out way more at the end of the week. I just wanted one day where I could be free. One day where I could just lay in bed holding my girlfriend all day. I couldn't even remember the last time we shared a meal. We were both very busy but it shouldn't keep us away like this. But truly, I shouldn't complain because it's simply my job.

Unfortunately, this day is only possible once I get my degree and once I can take days off again. I've always had issues with my stomach. Sometimes it would randomly start hurting. I've always been told "It's just stress" but it's still a pain in the ass to feel like you're being stabbed with every move you do and because of that, it leads to me having no more days off. I dreamt of the day I'd finally have an answer to how I can stop these cramps but it never arrived. So I would just miss an average of one day every week because I had difficulties even getting up. After that, there were also my horrible migraines that happened every two days. It was a living hell.

When I finally arrived home, I broke. I didn't think it would happen but it did. I sat in the corner of the kitchen crying for an hour until Billie arrived. I could see the shock on her face when she opened the door that led towards the kitchen and saw me curled up in a corner. I had never broken down in front of her. My immediate reaction was to try to stop crying but I couldn't. My vision was only getting blurrier from the stress of being this vulnerable with someone I love. I tried to explain myself from fear but nothing other than broken sobs came out of my throat.

"No need to talk sweetheart. I know." She whispered as she was kneeling to be at my height.

3rd pov:

Growing up in a place where you would get screamed after if you cried as someone sensitive had negative consequences on how you act and your trust towards the people you loved the most. One of those consequences being to push away some of your loved ones when they are just trying to help. But Billie knew that. She slowly got closer, with no physical touch at all, waiting for a signal that could indicate that you were comfortable with her getting closer. As time went by, she inched closer and closer, taking your hand in hers at a certain point which helped you calm down until you were calm enough and comfortable enough for her to be holding you. You stayed sitting on the floor in each other's arms for a little while just enjoying the comfort.

"Y/n?" Billie said softly, breaking the silence.

You only nodded, not finding the strength to even talk.

"Let's get you in bed okay? You're overworked baby and it kills me that you don't realize it. Gosh, can't stand seeing you this tired..." She said, this time with a more concerned tone in her voice.

She helped you get up, pulling you towards the bed. Once you got in, she joined spooning you.

"Are you comfortable..?" She whispered making sure you felt as good as possible.

"I'm so fucking sorry." You let out. "I feel like a burden Billie! I'm always the one who's late, the one finishing essays at crazy hours, I'm never there!" You exclaim, tears pricking at your eyes again, threatening to fall down on your cheeks.

"I'm holding you back Billie." You said, quietly this time.

"You know that's not true..." She answered. Her arms wrapped around your waist, holding you closer and tighter. "I love you y/n. More than anything. And if staying with you means waiting for you to finish university and get your degree then I will because I truly do love you. How about we talk about this tomorrow? I know you're tired." All you could do was let out a soft hum before falling asleep in her arms. Your girlfriend's arms. Holding you tighter and tighter than she ever did every single time.

A/n that's fucking crazy it is 12:50 am and I am tired and this ending is probably fucked

[jelsah27]

imposter syndrome talked ab just some forewarning

In History Class

MC: *walks into class with a small smile on their face*

Deuce: Good morning, MC. You seem happy today.

Ace: Yeah what's got you all smiley?

MC: Well, Kalim and Jamil were at my dorm the other day. Kalim really wanted to know about foods from my world and Jamil tagged along for obvious reasons. At on point Kalim wanted to look at my room and he found my snap-out-of-it post-it notes on the wall.

Deuce: Snap-out-of-it post-it notes?

MC: Oh, yeah they help remind me that a lot of the problems I think I have aren't really as problematic as I think. Like "Every personality is a creation of experiences that make you you." or "My friends like me because I am me". You see a while ago I figured out that I have a bit of Imposter Syndrome.

Ace: A bit of what?

MC: Well, it's pretty much I feel like I'm not the person everyone thinks I am. I'm not the gifted child everyone remembers or the smart person everyone seems to think I am. That if I can't hurry up and live up to everyone's expectations that they'll figure out I'm not as great a person they think I am and be disappointed and angry that all I am is an empty shell of who they believed I was and leave. Some times it will also come in the form of believing that my friends only want to be around me out of pity or that if I don't like what they like or want to do the same things as them then they will leave, even if they've reassured me they love me. I think the worst thoughts I ever got from it was when I started to believe that my personality was fake and that I didn't know why I was so different than the kid everyone liked. I started to believe that I had faked my personality from different shows, books, or even people to even have one.

MC: Honestly I didn't even realize it was imposter syndrome till someone else pointed it out to me after telling them this. I genuinely had no clue I was so disgusted with myself till I was talking with them about it and they pointed out that none of what I was saying was true, that everybody knew who I was and loved me as I am. I think I cried when they told me that.

Deuce: Prefect... I had no idea...

MC: It's alright, I've been learning to get better at combating it. Anyway, Kalim asked me about it and I basically told him and Jamil what I just told you. He then asked me what I'm doing to overcome it. So I told him about the main things that have helped. Reminding myself constantly that I am not fake or hiding who I am from people I love and who love me. Whenever I feel negative thoughts try to take over, think about one positive thing that I have done or something someone had said they love about me for every dark thought. If it gets to bad though, go to someone I trust and ask them flat out about those thoughts, it helps a lot. And twice a week I make a post-it or journal about one or two small things. Maybe a compliment someone gave me, or a task I completed. So every day or so since they've-

Jamil: *walks into the room* Prefect, here. I must get to class before Kalim catches something on fire I mean gets into trouble. Have a good day.*hands MC a small note and leaves the classroom*

MC: *smiling contently* It say 'Thank you for helping Kalim study yesterday great sevens know he needed it and your smile is unique'

Deuce: *getting out paper* If it helps you, I'll gladly join in.

Little bit of a rant u can skip I hope you enjoyed the post <3 Y'all I'm sorry I didn't mean to trauma dump but I really like the idea. But the story is true and I did cry (and it was in a restaurant) when my sis told me I was wrong and she knew who I really and she loves me. That our friends won't leave because all humans have opinions and we are allowed to clash. And that my personality isn't fake, that everyone's personality is what they've created themselves and that people add and take away from themselves all the time and work on parts of themselves they don't like to become better. That my brain was just being dark when there was many lights around me, waiting to be recognized. If any of y'all read this its just one side of imposter syndrome, there are a few versions and many levels of severity. I genuinely think you are awesome and perfectly imperfect the way you are!

Anywho thanks for reading!

[fuck-i-like-too-much-stuff]

Small addition to the Professor Peem and Professor Q tag because I seriously need to focus on my studies but We Are knaws at my brain.

"You may know that since Professor Q has taken a sabbatical for the rest of semester and since his half of the syllabus is complete, your doubts can be taken up by me. Please feel free to approach me anytime, I'll be in my office." Peem ended the lecture and dismissed the class. Yet no one moved. He looked up with confusion to the lack of commotion, to see eyes of concern.

"What's wrong?" He asks, no answer.

"Guys, I said you were dismissed. Don't you have more classes today?"

"Professor Peem, are you okay?"

Peem doesn't know what his students are talking about. He looks to his feet, trying to observe what is wrong with his appearance. Yeah, his shirt is a little untucked and his tie isn't as proper as it should've been. Yeah, maybe he could've done a better job with his hair today morning. But that shouldn't be enough to warant concern from his students, to let them know that he is, in fact, very much not okay.

It was a month ago that Phum had to leave for Singapore for two months. It was a month ago that he had started to tell himself that this was not that big of a deal. It was a month ago that he was sure these two months would go by in a blink of an eye and his Phum would be back in his arms even before he could complete the blink. It wasn't until two days back, when Q and Toey left for their Europe trip did he realise that this blink felt more like an endless and painful coma.

Yet, what he doesnt realise that this syncing of his breakdown has, once again, fed the rumors of his and Q's apparent relationship.

When his students refuse to leave the hall, despite Peem's reassurances, he does so himself. The moment he does, the murmurs begin.

"Did they break up? Is that why Professor Q took a sabbatical?"

"He takes one every year, that can't be it."

"Didn't someone say that he was going on a Europe trip? Who goes on such a romantic trip without their boyfriend?"

"Maybe Professor Peem was supposed to go but they broke up so he didn't."

"That seems a little too cruel, even for Professor Q."

"Guys, you might want to look at this-"

Toey's instagram handle open on the mobile screen, it shows a photo of him and Q looking over the sunset at the Saimes River.

"A water body. Wow, maybe Professor Q is that cruel."

The next day rolls around and now that Peem has understood that his breakdowns have to be very strictly reserved for his house and Phum's daily videocalls only, he looks just as he did always. But what doesn't change still is the sympathetic looks he catches in class.

Is he still looking pathetic?

In the staff room, he catches a hold of Fai who tells him he certainly doesn't look like he spent the last night crying. Helpful.

His phone automatically calls Fang when it comes to advice regarding puffy eyes and dark circles, not because Fang cries a lot but because between the architecture firm and being in love with Tan, he does not sleep a lot.

"I told you, you need a break. Your routine is not healthy right now, and I'm sure the college will allow you a few days off."

"I have a lot of classes, Fang. And I've to take up any doubts regarding Q's half too. This is not the time for me to take a break. Now will you tell me what to do about my eyes, or should I tell Tan that you ate the donuts I brought for him?"

Ice packs after crying, eye cream and if need be so, a little bit of concealer. Concealer that he will have to buy since Fang is not sharing his, or even Tan's. "Infections, much? Plus you're not my shade nor Tan's."

He is at the department store that is supposed to have everything. Which includes his needs for today, ice cream, rose scent candles, eye cream, and his shade of concealer, and the cologne that Phum wears because he misses his boyfriend and at least the house can smell a little like him. It also includes everything one of his students had on their list as well, because he finds her trying to sneakily click a photo of Peem trying to find the cologne.

"Guys, he's buying the cologne Q wears. He misses him so much. I also saw him buy eye cream."

Actually Q does wear the same brand of cologne as Phum, mostly because Phum is the one who introduced it to him, but its not the same cologne itself. That's not a detail the fine arts student care about as much as the wrinkle count of Peem's forehead as he tries to figure out the reason behind his student's behavior before walking over to where she is.

"Can I help you Reem?"

He then watches as his student fumbles her phone to the ground, apologise repeatedly, pick up her phone which he is sure has a broken screen now, and run away.

He reiterates the whole tale to Phum when he reaches home, a long ten minute podcast of an audio. Exactly eleven minutes after, he recieves a call from the same person, the person he needs the most.

"Hey. Long day, huh?" The soft voice speaks and if Peem hadn't kept his ice cream in the fridge, it would've also melted with him.

After an hour, Phum agrees with Fang about Peem needing a break but he also knows better than to suggest it because he knows Peem couldn't bring himself to abandon his class a month before their exams. So he says, "I'll be back very, very soon. And then your students will see just how happy you can be. Okay?"

And Peem hangs on to that okay for the next month, hangs on as if for dear life. And in this month, unbeknownst to Toey himself because he really does not care for Instagram notifications when he has his P'Q in the most romantic setting of the century, Toey's instagram account gains about fifty new followers who all have the same goal- plot revenge on Q.

[thefallennightmare]

Based on the small talk few days ago... I found a mom on tiktok that posts postpartum depression and postpartum rage content, and I feel like this topic is not talked about enough. She mentions in her videos when she's home alone so the dad can't help her, which made think od Noah being away on tour, while the reader struggles. Could you do a hc about it?😊 Thank you🤍

@thescarlettvvitch @mitchhbitch @missduffsblog @hayleylatour @sleepyomens @loeytuan98 @artificialbreezy @marvelousmal @bngurngheart @lma1986 @dsireland86 @wild-child-7747 @calleyx13 @illmakeyousaywow @jaded-and-hollow-souls @exitwoundsx @shayzillaaaa @lookwhatitcost @badomensls @princesspeach-00 @burning-outx @shadowseve @collective-heartbreak @klutzy-kay24 @sorrowsofsilence @sweetlittlekitsune @shilohrosechicken @itsafullmoon @toospooktocute @niicoleleigh @thatchickwiththecamera @hoe-for-daddywise @whenthesummerdies @cookiesupplier @concreteemo @thisbicc @sammyjoeee @pathion @flowery-mess @tashka

Tears burned at your eyes but you couldn't cry.

Not now.

Your one-month-old son had been crying all afternoon and you knew that you needed to be strong for him.

It was only the two of you home so it was up to you to make sure he was fed and taken care of.

But the sound of his crying was like nails on a chalkboard and you felt frozen.

Sitting in the middle of your bed while your son cried in his bassinet next to your bed.

It was the middle of the night and he was still uncomfortable. You fed him, changed him, rocked him, but nothing seemed to help soothe him.

Your hands couldn't stop shaking because of the anger you felt.

It wasn't at your baby. It never was.

It also wasn't at Noah who wasn't here with you because you knew it wasn't his fault.

Bad Omens were on tour and this was something you knew would happen while he was gone.

But that didn't stop the way your blood boiled as your son continued to scream and cry.

You were on the last resort.

The cry-it-out method.

Although, it had been thirty minutes of this method and it did not seem to help.

Thankfully, Noah's roommates were sleeping upstairs while your room was on the main floor.

Noah and you were in the process of buying your own home but were still living with Jesse and Michael.

You refused to ask them for help though because this wasn't their responsibility.

Michael and Jesse both returned from their own tours earlier in the day and you knew they had to be exhausted.

You promised them that your son wouldn't keep them up, he'd sleep easy tonight.

Here you were, crying along with your son because you failed that promise.

And you failed Noah.

You were a new mom and you wanted to prove you could do it on your own when he wasn't here.

But Noah's voice spoke in your mind, those seven words he said before he left for your replaying.

"You can ask them for help, angel."

Softly cuddling your crying son to your chest, you dialed Noah's number and waited for him to answer the Facetime call.

"Angel?" He asked while rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Everything alright?"

You knew he could see the tears on your face and hear your crying son so you knew you couldn't lie.

"No," you shook your head. "I can't get him to stop crying. I've tried everything! I feel myself getting so angry at hearing him cry. It's never been this bad before."

Noah quickly sat up in his bunk. "Did you ask Michael or Jesse if they can watch him so you can get some sleep?"

When you were silent, he sighed. "Angel, you know they're more than willing to help you. It's okay to ask for help."

"But I should be able to do this myself," you cried while rocking your son, who seemed to have calmed down a bit at hearing Noah's voice.

"I know. You have. More than enough times. But sometimes, you need a break. And that's okay."

You nodded, knowing he was right.

But before you could say anything, there was a soft knock on your bedroom door and Michael stepped inside.

"Everything alright?" He asked, not looking like he was sleeping.

Guilt began to eat away at you, thinking it was your fault, but Noah immediately could tell where your mind was headed.

"Y/N, let Michael take Y/S/N so you can get some sleep. It's alright."

Michael agreed with a nod. "I can't sleep because of the jet lag. I was going to warm up some left-over pizza and watch a movie."

Letting go of those reigns that you held on so tightly, you carefully handed over your son to Michael.

"Thank you," you blew out a shaky breath.

Noah's voice came through the speaker of your phone. "Thanks, man, I owe you one."

Michael snorted. "Please. I will gladly take any time I can to spend with my nephew."

"Nothing scary!" You called after Michael.

Once you were alone, the room now eerily silent, you gave Noah a weak smile into your phone.

"I can't wait till you're back home," you admitted.

"Me too, angel. Just one more week. Maybe we can talk about getting you on some meds to help with the postpartum depression."

You eagerly nodded. "Please. Because it's not fair to our son for him to have a mom that thinks this way."

Noah frowned. "It's also not fair to you, Y/N that you keep going through this. It's alright to ask for help."

"I know," you admitted with a nod. "I love you."

Noah blew you a kiss. "I love you too, angel. Get some sleep."

[anxiouspotionofgloom]

Hotguy comics zine is so good... Really if you've been hesitating, you have to read it... I've finished it two days ago and I'm still stuck thinking about it - I've talked so much about it I convinced my friend who does not know a lick of Hermitcraft to read the 410 pages

No really!! It is so good!! You can really feel the love and care that has been put into it. It even has a story! AND MY GOD WHAT A STORY ARHGFHGU Literally cried at the end, I loved it. ALSO EVERYONE IS SO TALENTED WHAT THE HECK! If I don't talk about it I feel like I'm gonna explode.

I'm sending hearts to everyone that has worked on this project, I will cherish this zine forever... THANK YOU!! <3 <3 <3

Some more ramblings about things I really liked under the cut beware of spoilers:

First of all, Scar and Grian both lying about their favorite food, ahahah I loved that detail

The discussion around page 108 it was so AJSLAHKHKU "I trust you with my back! But... my identity? Not yet." KILL ME NOW I'm gonna start to chew at walls [AND THEN IT ECHOES LATER DOWN THE LINE HELLO?!]

Bas les masques pour un soir is actually my favorite part *shakes them* they're just so!! Them bantering and then Scar discreetly answering Cuteguy's text in secret MY HEART!!

Okay I lied Deer hunting season is actually my favorite part... Genuinely everything is so great about it. The artstyle? The colors? The WRITING?? "Ideals? Who said anything about ideals?" I felt a shiver down my spine, the image of Scar dragging Cuteguy back to safety with the words echoing AHHHHHH It's legit such a vivid depiction I'm in awe

Ohh the angst of Scar wanting to reveal his identity and Grian stopping him... Knowing the context makes it even more tasty. Scar being miserable, my beloved <3

Have I mentionned how much I love the characters sheets thing? Because I really really love them

OUGHHH Corruption, I love a good corruption arc and it was so GOOD!! "My Cuteguy" UH SIR! The way he looks so soft talking to Grian despite being corrupted I'm unwell I'm sick

I love Scar's eyes they're so neat

"Kill Cuteguy" OHHH that was so sick and twisted, I love it!! THE GENIUS IDEA OF CUTEGUY TAKING OFF HIS COSTUME I'M GONNA CRY THIS IS SO COOL "I'm no hero." Damn it! It hits so hard. Him trying to get the weird bug thingy and it looks so soft together, a hug while Grian tries desperately to make the real Scar come back and he ends up confessing his insecurities OUGHHH I'm framing this scene on my walls, I'll never stop thinking about it everrr. AND the slowly fading orders in the background?? I'm fainting, I'm gone

The whole ending scene of that comic killed me. Legit tearing up rereading it. (Also everytime Scar calls Grian birdie I gain ten years of life, man it's so cute.) THE EPILOGUE?! I screamed.

The train comic. No words needed. My heart died from cuteness. Scar lying with Grian, "Now I can't let go" this has done things to me.

IMPULSE'S SHEET HAVING A 5 IN LOYALTY BUT IT'S SCRATCHED OUT THAT'S SUCH A GOOD DETAIL

I'm not saying anything about "through the looking glass" because I'm pretty sure the works will get posted on ao3 eventually (I think??) and I have much Thoughts about it so I'll probably drop a comment then. BUT ARG IT'S SO GOOD

When the countdown started AHHHHH I felt my heart skip a beat, despite it being a comic it really felt in a movie, when the last action scene finally drops

"His eyes are wet" WELL SO ARE MINE oughhh them being both ready to sacrifice themselves... I'm not ok

"I can still see everything I need." I fucking sobbed okay? I'm never recovering from this. Bittersweet edging on sweet, but still! His eye! The word retirement never broke my heart so much as now, but at the same time it's full of joy, because they are all alive! He is well!

A role to play fucks me up. The whole framing, with Scar having Hotguy's glasses, and then taking them off because he's not really here to be him, damn it. "We survive on hope." I cried ugly tears, I know, I know, but there's something about Scar's monologue, it feels... ah, I don't know. Don't think I have the words for it. It feels big, too big for my chest. "There's gonna be a great. Big. Beautiful tommorrow." I'm sure there will be. It's such an amazing end, for such an amazing work. I said I loved it, and i really really meant it.

Thank you for making this. Ah, I started out very excited to share my thoughts, but the ending always gets me a little bit sappy. Oh, well. Amazing work. It feels so loved.

[swimmingismywholelife]

Goodbye Christmas

Summary: While everyone else is celebrating the holidays, you can't help but wonder if things could've ended differently if you had just taken a chance.

Warnings: SO MUCH ANGST, unrequited love, SUPER heartbroken reader

WC: 2.2K

A/N: 🎶On the fifth day of Ficmas my writer gave to me, unrequited love with Kai🎶 I actually love Kai and Sophia fuCK WHEN IS IT MY TURN

Link to the Song: Goodbye Christmas

"I'm falling, I'm falling down

Everyone's happy now, but I'm alone tonight

Don't let me, don't let me drown

It's too late to say I love you, babe, gooodbye."

~~~

"I'm so happy for you!" Lea squealed as she hung lights on the wall. "You and my brother were basically meant to be together!"

Sophia smiled brightly at her. "I'm so happy with him. Like I really can't believe how lucky I am to have him!"

"The two of you deserve each other," Lea replied. "You bring out the best in one another in a way I've only seen in true love."

"Oh stop," Sophia blushed. "Honestly, it's all thanks to Y/N here anyway. I owe you so much for bringing me to Kai. None of this would even be possible without you."

Now it was your turn to blush as you placed the mistletoe over the door. "I didn't even do anything dude. You guys hit it off all on your own."

"But it was you who introduced the two of us all those years ago!" Sophia protested. "Why do you think I asked you to be my maid of honor? Because you're the best friend ever who brought me so much love in so many different ways. And I love you!"

"I love you too, Soph," you said, tears forming in your eyes.

"GROUP HUG!" Lea shouted gleefully. She forcefully threw herself onto the two of you, squeezing you together.

"Oh God," you said as she squished you together, the three of you giggling together.

Sophia had been your best friend for as long as you could remember. You'd moved to Germany at a very young age into the house right next to hers. Your parents wanted to get to know some of the neighbors, bringing food to show a gesture of goodwill. You shyly complimented Sophia's hair, and she immediately declared you to be her best friend for life. And from that day forward, the two of you became inseparable.

You'd met Kai playing football. He just happened to be playing on the same field as you one day and was thoroughly impressed with your passion despite not wanting to go pro. Eventually, just playing on the field turned into hanging out all the time, leading you to become incredibly close. It was you who convinced him to join Leverkusen and showed him that playing seriously on a professional level was an option. And it was you who he often thanked in interviews for getting him to the level that he was playing at.

While Sophia was your girl best friend, Kai was on a different level. He understood you in ways that no one else could and despite his busy schedule, he was always there whenever you needed him to be. He often brought you food when you were studying, he held you when you cried, and he was always there to listen. He was kind, caring, ambitious, and he was one of the only people who you felt truly being comfortable around. He was everything you could've wanted and more.

You couldn't help but develop feelings for him as you grew into your teenage years. And as more time passed, the stronger your feelings became. You found yourself holding back the urge to hold his hand, to kiss him senseless, to be held in his arms even when you weren't crying. You sensed that maybe he felt it too when sometimes you found him looking at you when you weren't doing anything special, when his hugs lingered longer than usual, when he started bringing your favorite snacks everywhere you went. But you were too afraid to say something. And your friendship was too important for you to ruin. So you just kept quiet, keeping your feelings to yourself.

One day, you'd invited Sophia to watch one of Kai's football games. It was surprising they hadn't met each other considering how often you hung out with both of them separately. So you took matters into your own hands. You were so excited to finally introduce your two best friends to each other, knowing they'd get on well. 

You didn't anticipate how well they'd get on, clicking almost instantly. From the moment they locked eyes on one another, you knew something sparked between them whether they knew it themselves or not. They'd starting spending a lot of time together, more than you did with either of them. While they never neglected hanging out with you, you certainly noted that they talked about each other to you quite a lot. Maybe this was the time for you to be honest with the both of them.

But you were still too afraid. Every time you tried to confess, you found a way to change the subject and move on. You didn't wanna ruin anything. So you just kept the feelings to yourself.

You'd never forget the day when Sophia confessed her feelings for Kai.

"Hey Y/N, can I be honest about something?" she asked as you went out for coffee one day.

"Yeah, of course!" you said. "What's up?"

"So you know how Kai and I have been hanging out?" You nodded. "I think I like him, like a lot," she gushed. "We have so much in common! And he's charming, he's funny, and he's just so amazing!"

You could feel your hopes shatter into pieces.

"Oh really?" you asked weakly.

"I know it's kinda stupid of me to ask you, but do you think I have a chance?" she asked. "Do you think he likes me too?"

Your heart felt heavy. Your best friend liked him. Really liked him. And you knew that being honest with her about how you felt would cause a rift. Sophia meant the world to you, and you didn't want to put her in a position where she couldn't be happy with someone for the sake of your friendship. So you kept your feelings to yourself.

"Yeah, I think you do," you replied softly. "And I think you're gonna be great for each other."

The double whammy hit you a few weeks later when Kai also confessed how he felt about Sophia.

"Soooo, I wanna be honest with you about something," he said as he watched you juggle the ball.

"What, that your last game was shit?" you joked.

"Fuck you," he said. "But no, something more like serious I guess."

You kicked the ball up, catching it in your hands. "Alright. What's bothering you?"

He scratched the back of his head. "I don't want this to be weird because I know she's your best friend, but I've been hanging out with Sophia a lot." Your heart dropped for the second time in the span of a few weeks. "And I like her a lot. And if I'm being completely honest with you, I can see myself going really far with her. Like I could really fall in love with her if I let myself."

"That's great," you forced out. "I'm glad you have someone you feel that way about."

"I've been thinking about it a lot, and I think I'm gonna ask her out. But I know she's your friend and I wanted to know how you felt about it," he said.

"Kai-" You stopped yourself. This was your chance. This was it.

"I think you should go for it. You've got a pretty good chance with her," is all you said instead.

And a few weeks later, Kai took his shot.

When they announced their engagement to you, it didn't come as a surprise. After all, Sophia moved with him when he left for London. From the moment they were together, they were always in it for the long haul. You were excited for them of course, but you couldn't show either of them how much pain you were in at the thought of their marriage. Even when Sophia asked you to be her maid of honor, you couldn't tell her. You didn't tell anyone about your true feelings for Kai. You couldn't. You'd ruin the atmosphere and potentially even your friendship with everyone. You couldn't risk it.

So here you were, visiting her and Kai for a Christmas get together with some other friends and family. You and Lea had graciously "volunteered" to help Sophia set everything up. And by volunteered, it really meant Sophia didn't give you a choice. But her giddy attitude was too infectious, so you couldn't help but give into her.

The party, of course, went off without a hitch. It had to be with Sophia in charge. And you thoroughly enjoyed yourself a lot more than you'd initially thought. It was a lot of fun to meet some of Kai's teammates, both old and new. It helped get your mind off your broken heart.

At some point during the night as everyone prepped for midnight, you found yourself sat on one of the windowsills hugging your knees to your chest, staring at the snow gently falling to the ground. You leaned your head against the cold glass feeling the chill run through your body. You sighed wishing you could turn back the clock and took the chance to be honest with your friends.

"What are you doing here all alone?" you heard Kai ask from behind you.

"Just thinking," you said, not bothering to turn around.

"Anything you wanna talk about?"

'I'm in love with you, Kai. I have been since we were kids and it hurts so much watching you marry my best friend,' you thought to yourself.

"Not anything in particular," you'd responded instead. "Just enjoying the snowfall."

"Can I join you?" Kai asked. You nodded, hugging your knees closer to you.

A comfortable silence fell. Words never needed to be exchanged to feel safe with him.

"You know, I wanted to thank you," Kai started. "For bringing Sophia and I together. I know I talk all the time about how she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, but it's really all thanks to you that we're even here to begin with."

"Sophia said that to me earlier too," you said smiling softly, turning your head slightly to look at him. "There's no need to thank me really."

"It's funny," he said. "When I was younger, I always pictured myself with you actually."

Your heart stopped for a moment. "What?"

"Yeah," he chuckled. "I could've sworn I was in love with you for all of my teenage years, especially while I was at Leverkusen."

"Really?" you said weakly.

"It sounds crazy, I know, because you didn't feel the same way and I was too afraid to say something."

You couldn't have been more heartbroken. Kai had felt the same way. But you were too afraid to say something and kept the feelings to yourself. And now it was too late.

"I thought I knew what real love was, but then you brought me to Sophia," he said. "That's when I understood what it was really like. I just had a really strong crush on you, I guess."

"Oh," is all you said. You didn't know what to say.

"Yeah, I know it's a little strange to bring it up now, but I figured in the Christmas spirit with the new year approaching it was the best time," Kai replied, "since this is my last Christmas before marriage and all."

"Thank you for being honest with me," you said quietly. "I really appreciate it."

"This doesn't make anything weird or anything like that, does it?" he asked.

You forced a smile that you were hoping he couldn't see past. "No, of course not. That was years ago anyway. We're past that now right?"

Kai let out a sigh of relief. "Okay, good. I mean Sophia knows too. She actually was a bit hesitant when I first asked her out because she was convinced you were in love with me. Weird right?"

"Yeah, weird."

Another silence fell as you tried keeping your emotions in check. You couldn't break down in front of him. Not now.

The grandfather clock chimed, signaling that midnight had arrived.  You looked over at Kai, your heart completely shattered.

"IT'S CHRISTMAS! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!" you could hear Sophia screaming, making the two of you laugh.

"We better go before she starts yelling at us," Kai said, gesturing to get up.

"I'm gonna stay here a little longer, but I'll join you guys in a bit," you responded.

"Are you sure you don't wanna join the festivities?" he asked.

You nodded. "I'll be right there. Don't worry about me."

"I always worry about you, dummy. But I'll leave you to it," he said, patting your head. "Don't be too long though."

He stood up, gently dusting himself off. "Merry Christmas, Y/N. I'm so grateful to have you," he said.

"Merry Christmas, Kai," you said. "I'm grateful to have you too."

You watched longingly as Kai walked over to Sophia. The two of them had nothing but pure love as they looked in each other's eyes. He held out his hand for her to take, gently twirling her around before bringing her into a kiss under the mistletoe you'd placed earlier that day.

"I love you," you whispered, only allowing yourself to hear the words you so desperately wanted to say to him. And you kept the feelings to yourself and let the tears finally fall.

Taglist: @thoseboysinblue @neverinadream @chilwellspulisic @lovelynikol16 @lizzypotter14 @pulisicsgirl @notsoattractivearenti @shadowscorch @nyctophilic0vitnir

[harrysmimi]

CEOrry Pt. 3

Synopsis: One where things get messy but Patience is a virtue

Series Masterlist | More of my work

YN was nervous.

Very nervous to talk to Harry. He haven't got to see her because of her finals, apart from checking up on her through calls and texts. But her convocation is tomorrow and she's got a doctor's appointment for the 12th week.

She's started to show up pretty prominently now, especially to herself.

He's going to be excited, that's bound to be. He's also going to ask if he can feel the baby, though there's a doubt there's anything to feel and that inevitable that he won't ask that. YN's been feeling very uncomfortable in her body lately. Especially when she's gained a little weight. Healthy weight. But on the video call the other day her step mother was the first and very excited to point that out. That caused her father to ask her questions but nothing made him suspicious about anything.

But YN's also gotten obsessed her little baby bump. She should get used to this because she'll have to leave the little one growing in her womb. Which is not something she's really looking forward to. Her friends have been bugging her wanting to touch her belly, which she doesn't really have a problem with but she also doesn't want to be touched. Especially when she's been insecure about her body lately.

It's not the first time. But she's learnt a way to over come it and be confident in who she is and how she is.

Anyway she got into her knock off branded Adidas sweats, an old T-shirt and her dad's jerkin she stole years ago before she was on her way down stairs.

To her surprise, Harry came to pick her alone today. No Jeremy.

"Hey!" Harry beamed watching her get in the passenger seat.

"Hi." She smiled back as she buckled up her seat belt.

"How are you doing? Been long since I saw you." He pulled out of the parking spot, headed to the way of maternity clinic for her scheduled check up.

"I've been good." She shared, "morning sickness here and there, but I'm doing good."

"Why didn't you tell me, YN?" He scolded, lowkey.

"Is there anything you can do about morning sickness?"

"We would have figured something out." He looked pissed now, sort of, "or I could have called Dr. Wilson to see if there is something we can do."

"It's fine, Harry, I'll ask her about it today." She sighed in defeat.

YN have been feeling way too emotional lately. She cried last night because there was no milk for her tea at midnight. Poor Josh had to make a run to the grocery store last minute. Now she usually doesn't cry but she can't help it lately. And she felt bad for even letting her friend go out in middle of the night to get her some milk.

She sat there in silence the whole ride to the clinic, waiting for their turn. Just lost in her own thoughts.

What is she even doing?

Her dad is going to be upset with her, even though she's sure he'll come around and make peace with it. But disappoint someone who's always been so kind and loving and patient with her, her whole entire life?

It is going to be inevitable to hide from him. As her cousin is getting married just two and half months after she's due for delivery. And she has to be there because she's really close the cousin who's getting married. It js hard being around her relatives as it is, and her changed appearance is going to cause a lot of questions.

The truth is going to raise a lot of eyebrows towards her character. No one will understand why she's done what she's done. Nor does she expects anyone to. It's just that she doesn't know if she'll be able to handle all of this.

And surely her step mother is going to be using this against her. She has to tell her father before he hears it from someone else.

It was going to be just like when she started therapy at the age of thirteen. People in her family thought she was going mental. She really had to pull out of it because the bickering and gossiping was getting too much.

And it wasn't like therapy was working for her either way.

Loss of her own mother and her dad marrying again withing two years, shocked her. But she's made peace with it all now. Or has she really?

"YN?" Harry gentle touch on her shoulder brought her back to earth.

"Yes?" She gasped, "is it my turn?"

"No it's not. Not yet." Harry looked st her concerned, "YN, hey love, is everything okay?"

She realised she was crying again, "yeah, everything is fine." She assured him, laughing softly to make the vibe lighter around her. "I'm getting very emotional lately."

"That's okay." He rested his hand on her back, "you can talk to me if anything is bothering you, okay?"

"Okay." She nodded. "I just can't help it. I'm sorry!"

"Hey, come here." He cooed as he pulled her into a warm hug, "it's okay, you can cry. You sure there's nothing bothering you?"

"Mhmm." She lied.

"Okay. We have to wait ten minute, just a little heads up for you." He whispered to her. And she swore she felt a feathery kiss being placed on her hair!

"I'm going to ruin your white shirt, my mascara is not waterproof." She sniffled pulling away politely from him.

The bare minimum is gonna get her in deep trouble here!

He just nodded and sat there. Soon enough ut was her turn. Everything was fine, the baby is growing perfectly, YN's healthy too. No complications as well. Well, her tiny bump was no longer secret to Harry. He didn't say anything though.

And they got new pictures!

"Hey, are you mad?" She asked when they reached his car in the car park.

"No, I'm happy that the baby and you are healthy." He looked at her confusedly and concerned. "Let's go to my place, yeah? We can talk it over lunch. Just not here."

"Yeah."

......................................................................

His place looked slightly different.

YN's been to his house just a couple of times. Very humble looking for a millionaire. Just a four bedroom, three story house in a quiet and gated community.

She was very nervous to go to his house the first time when he asked her to meet him there for their agreement. She was also very intimidated by him the first time.

He stood almost a feet taller than her, bulky with his piercing green eyes and serious look. He is always wearing suits, which added to the intimidating vibes. YN found out he's got dimples just about few weeks ago!

Turns out he's a real softie in reality.

YN was very nervous obviously. She looked tired and shaken up. Desparate for help.

Now that he thinks behind he was too harsh on her. Like way too harsh. Interviewing her like he's going to hire her to hold all of his secrets to the grave. Part of him wanted to know all about her because the surrogacy thing doesn't allow him to read much about the personal choices she makes which may affect his future child.

Now, YN had partial idea of what she was getting herself into. She was stood in front of a giant front door to a fucking mansion. Shiny and expensive looking door handle. Two expensive looking pots with actual live plants in them on either side of the door.

She missed the huge dog by the gate which had two security guards dresses in all black who checked her stuff before she was allowed past the gates. She could see the flecks of what was the back yard from the side of his mansion.

Not realising she was stood there for more that several minutes as the door was opened even before she could get s chance to ring the door bell. There he stood, dresses in a baby blue shirt with a white sheer button down underneath it, a black Gucci belt held the pants to on his upper hips, a gold buckle on it. His shirt was partially open with a display of silver cross necklace he wore, and flecks of his chest hair. He stood about a foot or half taller than her there. Piercing green eyes and lucious eye lashes. Straight a prominent nose with lips of the softest shade of pink she has ever seen.

She shook off her thoughts knowing there is 98% chance he's married, wanting kids with his wife or husband or spouse.

"Hi, please come in." He stepped aside so she can get in.

YN clutched onto handles of her bag hung over her shoulders tightly as she walked in. She was expecting the partner to show up any time. She was more nervous for that. Harry asked her to take a seat as he walked in the kitchen asking if she would like anything to drink.

"Just water please." She shared. It didn't take him long to come back out with a glass of cold water and a mug of black coffee for himself. It was almost six in the evening and he was having a coffee.

YN was already sat, carefully on the expensive looking leather sofa clutching onto her bag for her dear life. She's never been this nervo before. Not even for her job interviews. She worked as a teacher at a pre-school for now and worked a second job on weekends and even on week days if she got time. She even saw a green and black files lying on the coffee table with a fancy looking pen.

"So you're really sure you want to do this, Ms. YLN?" He asked.

"Please, call me YN." She said nervously, "and ummm, aren't we going to wait for your partner..." She dragged out the word trying to figure out right words, "... spouse?"

"We won't have to, because I don't have one." He set his coffee mug down. "These are the agreements you can take this and read it please. And we'll work from there."

"That's it?" She was shocked. "You called me all the way here for this?" And now she's confused, because she already agreed to the online agreement she signed on the surrogacy site.

"You might wanna read that, Ms. YLN." He pointed out.

"Yeah, yes, I, I am gonna read it. Obviously." She still couldn't stop stuttering. "I thought you had me over because you wanted to ask few things, that's what your manager told me." She was very scared in that moment.

"Yes, but I figured it wouldn't be necessary." He shared.

YN opened the file to have a read at the agreement which didn't look that long. But it hit her.

"Wait, you clearly don't have a wife or a girlfriend or a partner or whatever!" She couldn't fathom what she was getting herself into, "this baby would be mine as well, unless you have an egg donor. Please tell me you have that sorted?"

"No, I don't." He admitted way too casually for her liking.

That didn't sit right with her. That baby would be hers as well then. She wouldn't want to give up her baby, and in future go on to pretend as if she doesn't have her first born somewhere in the world with her own kids she gets to keep.

Her mind was racing a hundred thoughts per minute as she read the agreement. The clauses had her feel more anxious. She has to quit her fucking job?!

He wad ready to agree on whatever amount she wanted in return!

There is no questions to be asked from the recieving party, where as she is obligated to answers every question. Especially questions related to her health and medical problems or history. It was for the safety of the child.

She can't see the baby after they're born.

"I'm sorry, I, I can't do this." She closed the file and placed it back on the table in from of her. "I can't give up my child like that. I thought you just needed someone to carry your baby for you and your partner. And, and I can't even ask questions?"  She was also on verge of crying. "I, I hope you understand."

"You'll get anything you ask for." He shrugged as if he was making a fucking business deal, "can sign you a cheque for a hundred thousand pounds now and we'll sort out the rest later."

"What? No!" She exclaimed, "you-- can I ask why you want a baby when you're clearly single?"

"You can't." He's very blunt with his answers. "No questions. Just let me know by the end of this week."

"You don't have to wait for the end of the week, I won't be doing this." She stood firm to her decision, "hope you find someone who's ready to work on your conditions, but I can't."

Harry was disappointed but he can't be really. She doesn't agree with it. He can't force her. And YN just left that day.

Just for her to call his manager back up ten days later, in desparation of agreeing but she wasn't going to quit either of her jobs. And that was final. To which he clearly agreed as he had no more patience in him.

And here they are.

His beige sofa and ottomans were switched to yellow sofa and a burgundy and blue side sofa chair thingies. A natural wood stock coffee table with a glass top was set in middle, on a Moroccan rug underneath. Apart from that everything was same.

"You got new sofa?" She asked.

"Yeah." He closed the door behind him after following her inside, "my god daughter, Ruby was over the other day and she spilt her blue paint all over me sofa. It looked like someone murdered a Smurf there." YN laughed at that.

"You want to take a seat whilst I go heat up the food?" He suggested, walking over to the dining area he pulled a chair for her.

"Yeah." She nodded. Placing her bag on the sofa she made her was to the dining area. "You can cook too?"

"No. No, no I can't." He chuckled sheepishly there, "Lizzie, my housekeeper and chef looks after this all."

"You have a personal chef?" YN couldn't believe what he said which shouldn't be surprising in the first place. He hummed to answer her. "Wow you're rich!"

"Well, I like to think that way." He shrugged.

"Some of us have to make our meals and sometimes that doesn't happen too. I'm so jealous of you!" YN groaned, "I want to be mega rich too someday."

"What do you mean that doesn't happen sometimes?" He stopped dead in his tracks and looked at her.

"What?" She looked at him nervously. She shouldn't have said that.

Her friends have been there for her recently. At least one of them is to make sure she's had all her meals. Even if that meant cooking for her (she's getting spoilt). YN haven't had to skip a meal because of anything since she found out she's pregnant. But before she could explain all of this, he snapped.

"I told you to move in with me!" He exclaimed, "at least you can have something to eat on time for fucks sake." His voice raised. YN was taken back because she's never heard him this loud.

"Harry, I can't just move in with you." She said, "I'd end up fucking homeless, I have no family here."

"So you think I'm going to kick you out after the baby is born as if I'm some kind of heartless monster?" He scoffed in disbelief, "you think that low of me, YN?"

"I, I never said that." She choked on her breathe trying not to cry, "I'm done. I can't cry in front of you again." She barged out to the living room and grabbed her her bag ready to leave. She lost her patience because he raised his voice again.

"Run away like you always do." He yelled from the other side of the room, "you're so scared of confrontations and talking, aren't you?"

"Learnt from you." She slipped on her shoes.

"YN you step one foot out." He warned her.

"Yeah? Watch me!"

"YN, stop!" He rushed to stop her from leaving, he grabbed onto her hand taking in a deep breath to calm himself down. "Hey, look I'm sorry. I, I shouldn't have raised my voice at you. Let's talk okay?"

"I am not scared of confrontations or talking, okay?" She laid it out clear in front of him, "you jump to conclusions without even listening to the person in front of you."

"Hey I'm really sorry." He whispered, "I wouldn't-- that won't happen again."

"No, stop." She whispered slipping her hand out of his. "Don't talk to me."

"I, I won't. Just please don't leave, okay?" He suggested, "we can just sit here and talk whenever you feel alright."

He heated up the food his chef made and left in the fridge. He usually eats the same thing for dinner so there was enough for the both of them. Eating in silence was really not something he enjoys but it's a better option than to leave things unsaid.

He noticed she barely ate anything, so he ordered something she eats usually. The handful of time they've had meals together and she gets the same thing.

"I don't want you to baby sit me, Harry. I'm not going to share a word!" She warned him. "This is so stupid. It's not like I'd die after skipping one meal. I made a freaking joke!"

"I'm not baby sitting you." He shrugged simply.

"You're making me eat forcefully, you're not letting me go back home alone. That's baby sitting."

"I'm looking out for you YN because I'm your friend, if that's what you call baby sitting then fine." He picked up his empty dishes and walked back into the kitchen, he frustratingly started cleaning the counter top, "I'd rather baby sit you than you passing out on an empty stomach. You know how bad being pregnant takes a toll on your whole body?" She sat there with her head down, still playing with her food and fork.

Of course he's going to look out for his baby.

"I've seen my friends and cousins go through this YN. Whilst I might have not everything but I know." He walked back to her. "I want you to be healthy as well. I want you to know that I don't back off my friendships. I shouldn't doubt you for looking after yourself, I apologise for that."

"Hmm." She sniffled. "And I'm crying again!"

"It's okay." He assured her, "it's alright."

"I, I, I need to tell my dad." She sobbed, "he can't know from anyone else."

"You can tell him." Harry wrapped his arms around her, "it's okay."

"I don't know. He's going to be so disappointed!" Her breath shuddered as she was crying so much.

"I'm sure he's not going to, YN." Harry rubbed her back gently, "you just need to explain it to him."

"You think so?"

"Mhmm." He nodded.

"I want to go home now, please."

"Yeah, I'm gonna take you home." He placed a kiss on her head before he was off to get his keys, "come on."

......................................................................

YN contemplated till it was too late for her to video call her dad. So she cried herself to sleep.

The next thing she heard was someone calling for her name softly, feeling a warm hand running up and down on her arm.

Wait... Is she dreaming?

Realising that made her wake up gasping.

"Hey, hey, you're okay." The familiar deep and raspy voice got her back to earth. It is Harry.

"Oh my god!" She sighed. "Please open the window. Please!"

"Yeah." He got up quickly and opened her windows to let the fresh air in and just as quickly got back to sit on the edge of her bed. "I didn't mean to scare you. Kayla let me in, wanted to come in and check on you."

"The baby is fine Harry." She sighed falling back in bed, pulling up her blanket to her chin as she tried to fall back asleep.

"YN, you still think I don't care about you?" He sounded so defeated, "you matter more, YN, okay? I've come in to check on you because you seemed so upset and anxious yesterday. Please, I need you to understand I'm not doing this just because I only care about my baby. You're my friend now!"

"Right." She nodded, "I want to sleep more still please, I'm very tired."

"Don't you have a convocation to go to?"

"It's today?" She asked, "oh my god, it's today!" And she realised it herself. "What the fuck, what the fuck!" She got out of bed in panic.

"Hey, be careful." He warned her.

"Get off my bed, I need to fix it!" She scolded him.

"Let me do it." He stopped her. "You go get ready. You've got barely three hours."

"No, it's fine let me—"

"I said go get ready, YN." He grabbed onto her arms to steady her, gently. "I'm going to be your escort for tonight."

"I don't an escort."

"Trust me you will, when Kayla and Julia are busy with their dates." With that he left her room.

"Harry, I don't need an escort!"

"I know." He called from the living room, "now chop-chop darling. You're going to be a Doctor of Philosophy today."

......................................................................

YN got ready as fast as she could. She couldn't waste much time.

Being pregnant is already getting to her head, she could barely imagine how she'd be when she's much further in. She was locked into her bathroom getting ready.

Her bedroom door doesn't lock up as the previous boy who lived there had it broken, some drunk college students were hooking up in his bedroom. Josh was super mad for that giy to even throw a party whilst the other three of the roommates were gone out of town.

Least to say, YN never got it fixed nor did their landlord. He's a dick!

Just as she was about slip on her dress, she glanced at herself in the mirror. She hates looking in mirror but she saw the little bump.

Well, she's practically naked, stood in her mismatched knickers and bra. Usually she's feel sexy, without even looking at the mirror. Mirrors are just self-districting weapons.

But she felt different there. Her body was growing another life inside of her. It was part hers. She shouldn't and she couldn't help but her resting her hand on her bulging belly.

Wait... She can't let this happen again. This time it's going to be worse, she'll have to give up the baby. They will live and she won't ever get to see them again.

Taking in a long breath she quickly put on her dress and fixed her already styled hair. She's not going to let this ruin her special day. She was out of her bathroom and room immediately gathering all her stuff like when you don't think you need a basket or a trolly at the store.

"You want me to help you?" Harry rushed to gather her jacket and her bag she uses everyday. "What have you got in here?"

"I am perfectly capable of taking my own stuff." She rolled her eyes and walked to kitchen to fix herself a sandwich real quick.

"We're going to get breakfast on the way love, don't worry about it. Now come on." Harry ushered her out.

......................................................................

Least to say, Harry was happy seeing YN all bubbly and happy today. She was giggling with her friends, and he didn't quite felt like an outsider. Especially with Julia and Kayla shooting daggers at him with their eyes.

"Hello, Dr. YN YLN, nice to finally meet you. I'm Harry Styles." Harry introduced himself formally.

"Likewise, Mr. Styles." YN shook his hand but ended up in fit of giggles and went in to hug him tightly. "Oh my god, I can't believe this!"

"I know." He wrapped his own arms around hers, "I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you!" She squealed, "thanks for saying that!"

"Of course, darling." He pulled away to look at her beaming at him. He knew she was about to tell him something but someone called for photos. But at the end she came to him asking him to take her pictures on his iPhone.

Later he found out YN and her friends were skipping on partying lile crazy tonight, they had to go and start working their butts off for Kayla and Josh's wedding. YN being the maid of honour and Julia being the only brides maid, they both had many responsibilities.

Now Harry wanted to talk to about some things. He also wanted to ask her if she's feeling any better about this situation she's in. He could clearly see how much her father matters to her. And most importantly she still seemed mad at him this morning.

The party was getting intense and if he was being honest he missed going out to parties. Corporate parties loose all their glory after a certain period. But he was also enjoying seeing YN so happy, seeing how her friends were taking care of her despite being a bit tipsy at this point.

Well, the girls were drunk their arse off when he first found YN at one of his clubs with her friends, they wouldn't let go of her. He craved that kind of friendship!

But the place was becoming more crowded, though he didn't wanted to take YN away from the fun he kept an eye on her side. He saw YN carefully making her way towards him to where he was sat by the bar.

"Hey." He beamed at her. A glass of red wine in his hand which looks like it's untouched. That was his trick so no one asks to buy him a drink or try to flirt.

"Hey, can you please take me back to my place?" She asked, "I would stay but I'm very tired and I want to sleep."

"Let's go then, yeah?" He kept his glass on the counter and stood up buttoning his blazer, lead her to the back door.

"How do you know this way?" YN was confused.

"I just know." He shrugged. "You want to get anything before we drive to yours?"

"No, I'm good." She nodded.

Harry turned off music in his car as he saw her falling asleep there.

He had a nice day with her. But he was still not able to get out the feeling he has been feeling from yesterday. She haven't said a word about it to him, maybe she forgot?

He reached her flat way too quickly for his liking. He parked his car on the side of the road, contemplating if he should wake her up. She looks so peaceful whilst sleeping.

"Hey, YN?" He called for her softly which was enough to wake her up luckily, "we're here at your place."

"Oh, I'm sorry I fell asleep." She shook her head to wake herself up properly, "thank you for driving me back."

"Of course, darling." He smiled, "do you want me to help you with that?" But he still got out quickly and got her graduation gown, cap and her bag for her from the back seat. "Come on, I'll walk you upstairs."

"Sure." She shrugged.

Honestly, she was too tired to even walk herself up the stairs alone with that much stuff in her hands. She could use the help he was offering.

......................................................................

"YN, can I have a minute with you before I go? Please?" Harry requested as he set down YN's stuff in her room.

"Mhmm." She nodded and sat down on her bed to take off her shoes. She had swelling in her feet even this early in the pregnancy.

"I want to talk about yesterday." He crouched on the floor in front of her to help her taking off her shoes, "I didn't mean to make you upset YN, I promise. I, I, I guess I've been so bad with protecting people my relationships in my life. I, I don't, I don't want anything to happen to the little one, or you. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you've become a good friend of mine. And I know food can be a bit of a sensitive subject for some, I'm sorry if I hurt you in anyway like that. I didn't mean to take the joke in a wrong way."

"Why would you say it like that?" She was confused. "I mean the relationships thing, or am I still not allowed to ask you questions?"

"Let's just say I'm too scared to let people in my life." He smiled sheepishly as he looked up at her through his lashes, "even though I manage to annoy you-- unintentionally!-- I'm sorry for that."

"It's just my hormones going all haywire. I'm very patient, I promise." She smiled at him, "and I get it now, so you don't have to apologise. In fact I am sorry, I overreacted yet again, and you have to put up with my shit."

"Yes, I have to apologise, but you don't." He said with a firm tone as he set her shoes aside. "Whilst I can't know what you're going through, the least I can do is try to understand. I just hope I'm good enough of the little one."

"You'll be an amazing dad to this kid, Harry, I'm sure of that." She assured him as if she can look into future and she sees him and this kid living the happiest life imaginable.

"I'm going to hang onto that." He nodded, he can have that hope with him.

He knows, he shouldn't be doubting himself now even though he's been ready for this for years. He isn't doubting about anything, but he's just nervous, that's all it is. He has everything he could, read every parenting book under the sun, talked his friends who are parents and even his own mother; who always told him that she can never be fully ready to be a parent. No matter how many books his reads or how many TedTalks videos he'd binged.

He's heard that some people don't feel that instant connection with their new born, he's afraid of all the what ifs? which comes along with it.

"Do you want to feel your baby, Harry?" She asked.

"You, you sure you'll, you'll be comfortable with it?" He was a little surprised to say the least.

"Yes, I am." She nodded.

Harry hesitantly placed his hand on her baby bump. He gasped, even though he couldn't feel the baby yet, he'd yearned for this moment for years. It hit him that the baby wasn't moving until he realised his thumb was rubbing circles on YN's stomach.

"Can, can you feel them move?" He panicked.

"Not yet, I read that babies start moving for about sixteen to eighteen weeks." She explained, "there's nothing to worry about."

"Okay." He sighed in relief, "I can't believe this." It was pretty evident he's happy that his eyes were tearing up quite a bit, tip of his nose turned a light shade of pink.

"Well it's happening." She tried not to laugh at his adorable reaction, "I'm so happy for you, Harry, and thank you for helping me."

"Don't have to mention that, darling," he gave her squinty eyed smile to keep his tears from escaping. "Thank you for letting me... you know, feel the baby bump."

"Your welcome." YN chuckled.

"Did that come out wrong?"

"No, you're very cute that's all." She shut her eyes for a moment as realisation set in.

"You think I'm cute?" He smirked cheekily.

"I meant to say annoying." She straightened her posture, failing to make the situation less awkward for herself.

"Hmmm, sure." Harry chuckled. Dimples denting deep in his cheeks as little crinkles become more prominent at the corners of his gorgeous eyes, his bunny teeth showing. He smiled truly from within in front of her. Maybe it was the first time. "You need me to get you anything before I leave?"

"Yeah, can you get me a bottle of water from kitchen, please?" She asked sheepishly.

"Sure." He stood up from his place on the floor.

He padded his way down to the kitchen and grabbed a reusable bottle of water for her from the fridge, it had her name on it, and many other reusable bottles with her and her friends' name on it. He closed the fridge door, just as he was about to leave he saw a picture of YN stuck on the door with a rose magnet. Along with three more pictures, but this one intrigued him more.

It was a picture taken with a disposable camera, a man who looked to be YN's dad. She looked to be about twelve to thirteen years old in her school uniform and her hair tied in two braids with red ribbons, a little six year old boy who looked exactly like her sat in her lap in his own school uniform, everyone smiling wide for the picture. Her dad was wearing the same jerkin she's got with her.

He wondered where her mum was.

He made his way back to her room after all, keeping his thoughts and questions to himself to not unintentionally make her upset with his curiosity. He placed the water bottle on the night stand.

"Oh my god!" He got scared when he felt something rubbing against his leg, it was a ginger cat. "You scared me." He scolded the cat as if she's going to give a fuck about what he says.

The feline jumped up on YN's bed and curled up into a ball, paws tucked under her chest as she fell fast asleep.

"You have a cat?" He asked once he saw YN come out of her bathroom in her PJs.

"Oh no she's not mine." YN smiled, "she's Noodle by the way, Kayla's fur baby. She likes to stay with me."

"I've never seen her." He was so fascinated by the cat.

"She's a senior cat, she's likes to stay in Kayla's room. Noodle is a smart cat, she knows when I'm getting ready I'll be heading out so she's in her mother's room." YN explained. "She probably came in here noticing that I'm here. I don't go anywhere much so we became good friends."

"I never knew I had a competition!" He chuckled.

"Unlike you, she doesn't piss me off. Especially when I'm all hormonal." She scoffed jokingly, rolling her eyes.2

"Did you just rolled your eyes at me?" He looked genuinely surprised and mildly offended.

And she did it again!

"Did you eat my chocolate cake or something, took you long enough to get a bottle of water?" She asked sitting down on her bed.

"There was a chocolate cake?" He acted as if he was going to go devour it in that moment.

"Don't you dare!" She warned him earning a few laughs.

"Your picture caught my eye. On the fridge." He shared.

"Mhmm." She nodded taking a sip from her water. He took a seat next to her when she said nothing else, being careful of the cat of course!

"Do you mind me asking what are you doing tomorrow?" He asked, hesitant and mildly scared.

"I have to teach a crowd of teenagers tomorrow, like everyday." She shrugged.

"No, I meant after." He corrected himself quickly, "I should have worded that right."

"After I'll be going out with Kayla for her wedding dress shopping, and after that... I have nothing to do, why?"

"Do you maybe want to come over to mine?" He tried to be subtle, "I, I, I'll have my god daughter over as her parents will be going out. She, uhhhh, she can be handful some times."

"You baby sit too?" She was intrigued, but she's also pulling his leg.

"I'm her god father so I have some responsibilities." He shrugged, "but I could use some help."

"Hmm, sure." She nodded.

"Okay, I'll ask Lizzie to make something for you too for dinner." He tried his best to hide his excitement there. "I think I should leave now."

"I'll walk you to the door." She offered.

"You don't have to, I'll see myself out."

"I have to feed the cat and lock the door. Those bastards aren't coming home tonight, I know that." YN explained as she followed him out, almost bumped into him when he stopped dead in his tracks.

"You'll be alone all night?" He turned around.

"I'll be fine."

"YN, I can't--" he sighed, "I don't want to leave you alone this time."

"I'll be fine. I promise." She assured him.

He didn't wanted to force her but he also didn't wanted to leave her alone. After what happened that night, he doesn't want to leave her alone. It is going to bug him all night now.

He bid his byes with her for the night, before he was headed back to his place.

It was nearly two in the morning and he couldn't sleep. Even after drinking two cups of sleep tea. He almost picked up his phone to call and check in on her but soon realised she must have falled asleep. He doesn't want to disturb her.

She'll call him if she needs anything. She did last time.

......................................................................

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Lemme know if you want to added to the tag list

[https-harlow]

Fight The Feeling Pregnancy Announcement Insta AU

A/N- Thank you to @jackharloww for helping me with some of the fan comments!

Warnings- Some hate comments

Liked by Jackharlow, Urbanwyatt, Claybornharlow, Y/Nfan14, and 4,874,927 others

Yourusername Life lately with my plus one ❤️

Jackharlow Is that my shirt in the last photo 🤨

Yourusername Maybe 🫣

Jackharlow I've been looking for it for months

Yourusername It ended up in my suitcase at some point, and I may have never returned it

Jackharlow I should have known you had it, you do always steal my clothes

Yourusername I'm giving you a baby, the least you can do is let me steal a t-shirt

Jackharlow I'm pretty sure you have more of my clothes then I do

Yourusername So dramatic, I tried to give them all back, but I forgot some

Jackharlow I'm kidding, kind of, but you can have as many of my t-shirts as you want

Yourusername You're going to regret saying that when that's all I fit into

Jackharlow yeah, you're probably right

Claybornharlow I'm so glad you're having a baby with my brother, now you have no choice but to be in my life forever.

Yourusername Love you, you're stuck with me forever now

Claybornharlow Love you too, can't wait to annoy Jack with you forever

Urbanwyatt Can't wait for my best friend to have my new best friend.

Jackfan86 I love when Urban says Jack is his best friend

Urbanwyatt I'm not talking about Jack, I'm talking about Y/N

Jackharlow WHAT when did she become your best friend, this is news to me

Urbanwyatt The day I met Y/N obviously

Yourusername I stole the place of his best friend, I'm surprised you just realized it 🙄

Jackharlow Oh I realized it awhile ago I just thought we were both his best friend, I didn't realize I lost the title completely

Urbanwyatt Well, you can't have two best friends

Jackharlow Y/N, would you like to comment on this

Yourusername I can't tell Urban who his best friend is 🤷‍♀️

Yourusername You've held that title for years, you can give it up for a little while

Jackharlow Funny how Urban just texted me saying, don't worry, you're still my best friend, I just can't tell her that because she'll cry

Yourusername Urban just texted me saying you'll always be my best friend, Jack's never getting that title back

Jackharlow Urban, care to explain yourself?

Urbanwyatt 👨‍🦯

Yourusername Hey, I don't cry that much

Jackharlow You cried over donuts this morning

Yourusername …No comment

Yourusername Do I really cry that much?

Urbanwyatt No, you don’t

Jackharlow No comment

Yourusername Hey you can’t use my own response against me

Jackharlow But I did.

Jackharlow Does this mean I’m moving down to best friend #3?

Urbanwyatt 👨‍🦯

Jackfan38 Y/N is really giving model vibes in the first photo

Y/Nfan43 She is a model...

Y/Nfan10 AHH I'm so excited!!

Y/Nfan97 Fuck the person who posted that video, you shouldn't have had to announce anything unless you we're ready

Jackfan92 THIS!!

Jackfan32 Stay away from him!

Jackfan64 If she makes Jack happy, then we should be happy for him

Jackfan21 Uh, I think it's too late for that

Jackfan85 The couple I never knew I needed

Y/Nfan53 They are so cute

Y/Nfan09 Remember a couple months ago when Y/N was talking about the last time she had her heart broken and she looked so upset talking about how her ex cheated on her? I'm so glad she has Jack to make her happy again after that.

Jackfan30 Aww I'm so glad they make each other happy now

Jackfan39 Damn, Jack bagged her?? I thought I'd be mad when he got a girlfriend, but I'm kind of proud not going to lie

Y/NhaterJackfan428 Wait, they've haven't even been together for that long and she's already having his baby? Are we sure it's his?

Jackharlow We might not have been together that long, but Y/N makes me the happiest that I've ever been. I don't want any of my fans sending hate or saying rude things about Y/N, because if you were truly my fan and supported me, you would be able to see that. None of you know Y/N how I know Y/N and she is the sweetest and kindest person I know. Everyone who knows her would agree with me. She doesn't deserve any type of hate from anyone, especially someone who claims to be my fan.

Y/NhaterJackfan428 Just trying to look out for you

Jackharlow I can look out for myself

Liked by Yourusername, Urbanwyatt, Cozane, Jackfan48, Y/Nfan80, and 5,327,318 others

JackHarlow There's truly not enough words in the world for me to accurately tell you how much I love you. Thank you for always being by my side. I'm going to show you how grateful I am for you every single day.

Yourusername 🥹

Yourusername You're going to make me cry

Jackharlow I thought you didn't cry that much 🤔

Yourusername I cry when someone says something sweet to me

Jackharlow Well I love you, even if you cry a lot

Yourusername You just had to fuck it up with the last part of that 🙄

Yourusername But I love you too I guess

Jackharlow I'll take what I can get after my comment 🫣

Urbanwyatt So, I'm the godfather right?

Claybornharlow Uhh, no I'm going to be the godfather

Urbanwyatt Who's Y/N's best friend? She's going to pick me to be the godfather

Claybornharlow Who's Jack's brother? By DNA. I think I get godfather duties by default

Urbanwyatt You can have godfather duties but I get the title

Yourusername Who says we're going to pick either you?

Urbanwyatt Well who else are you going to pick?

Yourusername Well neither of you if you keep fighting over it

Jackharlow We haven't even thought about it yet

Claybornharlow On my way to bribe Y/N so she picks me, because lets be honest, who ever she picks Jack will agree too

Urbanwyatt 🙄

Y/Nfan193 Not Clay getting a love you but on Y/N's post but Jack gets a love you I guess 😂

Yourusername They share the spot of my favorite Harlow sibling sometimes, plus Clay brought me a milkshake, Jack just said I cry a lot

Urbanwyatt you can't bribe her with a milkshake to be the babies godfather

Clayborharlow I was just being nice

Urbanwyatt sure, I don't believe you

Jackharlow 🙄

Jackharlow Actually, keep this fight going, the less 3am trips I have to do to buy snacks the better

Jackfan29 Aww 🥹 I've noticed how happy Jack has been recently, now we know why, I thought it was just because of Y/N

Jack390 Well, its over for me now, I lost my shot 😭

JackhaterandY/Nfan4 I can't believe they are actually together, like why would Y/N settle for Jack.

JackandY/Nfan283 AHHH Can I trade places with an unborn baby 😭 I want Jack as a dad and Y/N as a mom 😭

Y/Nfan302 Literally 😭

Y/Nfan20 I wasn't prepared for this 😭😭

Jackfan3 My daddy is becoming a daddy 🤭

Y/Nfan028 I never knew I could be jealous of a person who isn't even born yet

Jackfan938 Jack really meant it when he said he wanted 8 daughters

Y/Nfan19 Wait where did you see the babies a girl??

Jackfan938 they haven't said yet, but I hope the babies a girl

Tag list @jackharloww @harlowcomehome @nattinatalia @hoodharlow @itsyagirljaz @heavyhitterheaux @harlowsbby @awhore4moree

[lokavisi]

This vent turned Loki Appreciation Post™️ got rather lengthy, so I'm gonna pop it under a line so it doesn't take up too much space on your feed. But I do appreciate it if you read it. I need some good vibes...

I don't really talk much about my personal life on this blog, but I've been having a Week™️. Well, maybe Two Weeks™️. Two weeks ago, my wife and I had the beginning stages of a cold and accidentally passed to 3/4 other people in our TTRPG group. We got over the cold, and last Monday night/Tuesday morning, we were in the ER because my wife was having such intense upper abdominal pain. She seems to experience acid reflux in an atypical way. The meds they gave her have been helping, so that seems to be what it was, but now she's getting a sore throat again. We went to the clinic today. She got a strep, flu, and COVID test, which all came back negative, so the person said she likely picked up a virus while at the ER. (Even though we were both masked the entire time, there is still always a possibility.) Now I can't tell if I'm getting sick, too, or if I'm just stressed out of my mind. I've been taking care of her for the majority of this past week and haven't really been able to take care of myself in the ways that I need to. On the few days she was feeling ok, I went to some overstimulating events that I don't feel like I fully recovered from, either. I've been holding back a full breakdown all day, but short periodic cries have helped relieve some tension.

And here's where I'll tie it in to Loki: last night, I decided to do some journeywork since I haven't in a good while. I thought it might also be some good self-care time to visit the little home space I've made with Loki and his family. The thing is, Atlas was the one to great me as soon as I entered trance. In chatting with him a little, it was obvious that Loki called on him to really drive home the "you don't have to carry/aren't carrying the whole world on your shoulders" message. After this realization, it took me a second to really lock onto Loki's energy so I could talk with them about it. When I finally did, they showed me all these key stepping stones of progress in my journeying practice, especially finding and traveling to different locations. So they asked, "Why do you want to come to this place you spend so much time in?" Referring to our little home space. I broke down, and when I heard myself speak, it was like I was hearing a child. I was saying I just "wanted to see daddy" (i.e. Loki) and I didn't like that every task I picked up felt like a whole world for me to carry. Then I started apologizing to nearly every major deity in the Norse pantheon for not doing any of the work we've spoken about doing together. Each time I named one, they appeared before us. I was bawling into Loki's chest as they held me, and I could feel the tears and snot dripping down my actual physical face, too. As I did, I shifted into a toddler. Loki wasn't just hugging me. He was holding me, my legs around his waist with his right arm under my butt to hold me up. He motioned to everyone around us, saying that they are all family and part of this home space. Like my inner circle. Then he referenced me going to other circles (i.e. learning about and working with deities or spirits from other pantheons and practices) as a way for me to learn. And that they will all still be here for me even when I venture out to "meet new people" and that some people I meet may even join us in our inner circle. Cue Apollo walking up to us, holding his arms out for me to go to him. Loki passed me over to him like a parent handing their kid off to a babysitter or family member. There were a few small things that happened after that, but I'm still so struck by that sense of family. I felt so much more relaxed crying into Dad's (Loki's) arms. I felt safe and loved, and I felt safe and supported even when I was handed off to Apollo.

I'm really holding on to the comfort of those moments right now as I still try to care for myself in this moment. I am slightly dreading the inevitable inner child work that this was also clearly alluding to, just because I know it will be a lot emotionally, but it clearly needs to be done, right? It feels like a lot to maintain my current practices and deity relationships AND explore new ones. That in and of itself feels like taking on the world, and that doesn't even include all of the mundane adulting shit I have to do every day. I've just been so overwhelmed and overstimulated this week. I need everything to just stop for a second. I need to not be needed for just a little while. I need to be held for just a little longer until every last ounce of tension gets released from my mind and body. I need to get 10-12 hours of sleep for the next few nights. Gods, give me strength and rest, please. 🙏

[tboyandor]

a little melshian one-shot I wrote a while ago! I want to write more for them but finals have been kicking my ass.

this is 100% inspired by @amy-thystt's beautiful piece of art, everything about it just captured my imagination and I had to write this!!

thank you for reading, fellow melshian-enjoyers :)

(also, Melshi calls him Cassian in this because I had just read a fic where he tells him his real name while they're still in prison, and I liked it, but I also like other versions I've read where he tells him his name later, so idk)

--

Cassian and Melshi were running, and they had been running for hours, and Melshi’s feet were burning. He figured Cassian's were too, but he would take this burn any day to the burn of a frying.

“Melshi,” Cassian cried out hoarsely from somewhere behind him. Melshi stopped and turned around instantly. Cassian looked exhausted, like he might pass out. “I… can't run anymore. Need to rest… for a minute.”

“Sure,” Melshi replied, his eyes scanning the sky for a moment before looking back down to Cassian. “We're safe, for now.”

Then he led Cassian gently by the shoulders to a large boulder that they could hide behind.

Cassian let his back slide down the boulder, and collapsed to the ground. Melshi sat down beside him, and leaned his head back against the cool stone, looking up into the wide expanse of the dark blue sky.

Next to him, Cassian was sitting with his knees tucked up against his chest, shivering.

“Hey, c’mere,” Melshi said softly, and reached out to wrap an arm around Cassian.

Cassian looked up at Melshi, and blinked a few times, considering him, before accepting the offered embrace, allowing himself to be cuddled to Melshi’s chest.

Melshi took a moment to move Cassian’s legs so that his feet were tucked underneath Melshi's legs, thinking that it might help to warm them for him.

Cassian cuddled closer to Melshi in response, burying his face in the crook of Melshi's neck. Cassian's nose was cold against Melshi's skin, but he didn't mind. Melshi wrapped his long arms tightly around Cassian's smaller frame and squeezed him gently, rubbing his back and shoulders and any part of him he could reach to help warm him up. 

Cassian let out a soft noise, not of contentment exactly, not in their circumstances, but whatever it was, Melshi felt himself blinking back tears, and he held Cassian tighter.

“I've got you,” Melshi whispered against Cassian's hair. “Whatever happens now, I've got you.”

Cassian wrapped an arm around Melshi's middle, and held on tightly.

“I know we shouldn't have stopped,” Cassian murmured, his voice sounding raw and defeated.

“No, it's good,” Melshi replied quickly, stroking the side of Cassian's face with one hand. “There's no way we could have kept going like that forever. And I can't have you collapsing on me. I need you, Cassian.”

Melshi said his name with the same purpose he had once said his false moniker.

“I don't know,” Cassian said. “I feel like I'm weighing you down right now, like you're carrying me through this. I want you to get out of here.”

Cassian said those last words with urgency, clutching the front of Melshi’s shirt tightly in his fist. His voice sounded strangled, like he might cry.

“I'm not going anywhere without you,” Melshi said, echoing Cassian's same urgency back to him, moving enough so that he could look Cassian in the eye. “Like you said before we jumped, we made it. Anything good that happens next, I count as extra. And you just wait, it'll be your turn to carry me soon enough. That's the only way we'll make it any further, relying on each other, looking out for each other.”

Slowly and carefully, Melshi disentangled Cassian's hand from the material of his shirt, and kissed the rough skin of his knuckles.

The way Cassian looked back at him nearly took his breath away. There was something almost dreamy about his expression, and his dark eyes shone with such love, Melshi could almost pretend for a moment that they were just two silly teenagers, here to make out under the stars.

To further the fantasy, just for a moment, Melshi leaned down and pressed his lips softly against Cassian's.

Cassian deepened the kiss in response, and brought his hand up to trace Melshi's cheek and jaw with his fingertips, before cradling the back of his neck.

“We'll carry each other, then,” Cassian said very quietly when they parted, bringing his head back down to rest against Melshi's shoulder.

“Yeah, we will,” Melshi agreed. “You try to get some shut-eye for a few more minutes, hm? I'll keep watch, wake you up when it's time to get moving.”

“Okay,” Cassian said, sounding half-asleep already. “I love you, Melshi.”

Melshi felt the words whispered against his neck more than he actually heard them.

“I love you, too, Cassian,” Melshi replied, unable to keep the tremor of emotion and love out of his voice.

Then he held Cassian tight, moved his gaze upwards to the sky, and let his tears fall.

[owlphaace]

I want to preface this by saying to my friends that this really isn't aimed at anyone, it's just how things always have been. It also isn't intended to make anyone feel guilty or anything, I just need to get some thoughts out of my head. It's a ramble and I'm crying while I'm typing it so don't expect it to make sense. Not that anyone is going to bother reading it after an opening paragraph this long

I really wish I could connect more with people but I know most people just choose to ignore me, and those who don't eventually find some reason not to talk to me anymore. The most important person in my life straight up told me I'm too much to deal with 6 years ago and cut me out of her life, just because i would worry about her if she disappeared for days at time. Ever since then I haven't known how to actually open up to people.

I cried earlier because one of my remaining friends messaged me to say they've been missing me posting Single Pokemon Runs which is basically the only form of interest anyone has shown in what I like doing in years. I really don't expect anyone to have similar interests as me and i'm used to being ignored so that hit me like a tonne of bricks.

It also hurts a lot that no matter how much effort i put into trying to organise doing stuff people they just don't want to. That's been constant since i was a child. To the point of having mostly stopped even trying. You just have to look at the months I've spent trying to get people to play Blood on the Clocktower with me, a game that would cost people absolutely nothing, and just nobody gives a shit. Or dnd, the amount i spent on that because some friends wanted to play it and then it came to it and suddenly no response apart from one friend who did play a couple of sessions with me before their life became too busy for it (which again is not something i blame them for, it just hurts). Even fucking Among Us, i had friends saying "oh we should all play it together" during lockdown so i immediately bought it and still to this day i've only played it once with my brothers. So yeah i've just given up asking and now only do stuff with people at a rate of about one activity per year

I'm avoiding going to a family friend's wedding today because i used to be close to his daughter (to the point of being one of the only two girlfriends in my life (though i did eventually realise i didn't actaully feel anything but a strong platonic attraction to her but that's just a tangent)) and i can't bring myself to face another person who stopped talking to me entirely because we wouldn't talk unless i initiated the conversation. Every single choice i make just shuts me off from people because i'm just not strong enough to face that pain anymore

There's no point to any of this. I'm just tired and sad.

[katiascraft]

[ when you're gone ]

e!van peters x female reader (y/n)

Plot: Evan's response to y/n's letter that she left on his scripts when she flew back home. Evan's perspective.

Warnings: nonproof read. This is pure fluff.

Listen while reading: what falling in love feels like.

Note: heyyyy I report myself happy as ever because I saw harry live last night 😭 and I hope you like this! I did one similar from y/n's perspective and you can find it here. Enjoy!

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i was going through some work papers stuff on my kitchen table. Y/n left to go home two days ago. She lives in new york city and i live in Los Angels while i'm working. And that's exactly what I'm doing right now.

It was late at night. Around 2:32 am to be exact. My insomnia got worse so I decided to entertain myself reading some lines and trying to improve my character. Going through the papers I stumble upon an envelope. It was green. Like green apple green. I new immediately that it was from y/n. It's her favorite color. I smiled like stupid. It's been only two days and I already miss her like crazy. Sometimes my chest aches and I start crying. I didn't know I was so into this connection we have until I was crying at her door, desesperated because I missed her like crazy that August of 2021.

I took the envelope and realized it was a letter. I almost cried when I opened it and saw her beautiful handwritting. The paper had her perfume. My favorite smell.

Yeah, I know. I'm way over heels for her. And I love it.

I started reading it. I forgot about everything else I was doing. And I just felt my heat bomb so much blood. It started racing. She always have this effect on me.

Her words. So sweet. So exact. I could feel her talking these to me right here right now. I just needed to write her back. I felt like I had to because I was already crying. I love her so much I don't even know how to explain it. Don't know how to put it into words. I don't even know how to express it. But I'll do my best to tell her every single little detail of the love I have for her while I can.

Dear y/nickname,

I can't believe how talented you are with words. That's one of the things I love about you. The way you say things, so yours, so sweet and exact.

You know I'm no good with words but I'll try my best like always do. Because for you I'll do the craziest of things.

I'll start by saying I'm so grateful for you. Your presence and your company. The way you support me even when I commit mistakes all the time. The way you understand. The way you get what I mean even before I know it. And that's the most precious thing about our connection. Sometimes I feel like we can read each other's minds and it is unexplainable.

And the fact I can help you with your mental health... That makes me so happy. All I want for you is to be loved the way you love people. You're so gentle. So open and empathetic. Your heart is bigger than the tallest building in the world. I've never met someone like you in my life. So pure in so many ways. It doesn't matter you believe you are broken. To me you are just perfect. I wouldn't love you more if you were different.

I want you to embrace that. That is your beauty and one of the main reasons I fell in love with you. You are so you, so yours without even realizing it. I admire you baby. So much. I really wanna hug you right now.

You are so important to me. I hate distance. I hate our worlds sometimes can not collide even when we want to. I know life and love aren't supposed to be easy but I would love to be with you right now. You sliding your fingers through my hair while we hug tightly like every night. Those simple moments are my favorites.

Don't lose your light baby. In two weeks I'll be home for Christmas and everything will be as perfect as we planned. I promise that. And we both hate promises but with you I kind of started understanding why people make promises. It just makes sense. Because I wanna make you the happiest human being in the world.

I don't know when this letter is gonna get to you. I've never sent a letter to anyone before. But I hope it gets before I get home.

I love you y/n. With my whole heart. With my whole psychic just like you always say.

See you soon baby.

- Evan

When I finished writing I didn't read it again. I just wanted it to be organic. Everything that went through my head and heart is there.

She is the love of my life. And all of these details she has with me always get me.

Tomorrow I'll deliver it to the post office. Now, I'm going to call her. I need to hear her voice.

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Hope you all enjoyed it! Have a wonderful day people <3

[the-path-inside]

16 Questions // Tagged by @inlovewetrust555

Are you named after anyone? My parents told me I was named after Matthew from the bible even though they're atheists. I think that was just to satisfy my teachers though since I went to a really religious first school and it was my school asking the question 😂

When was the last time you cried? A couple of weeks ago. Last time I felt like I wanted to was a few days ago though, but lately I find it hard to cry? It's like I just can't start.

Do you have kids? Nope. I can barely manage my own life nevermind looking after and guiding a little person.

What sports do you play/ Have you played? I used to play tennis (badly) as a kid. The only things I've played recently aren't even physical sports but chess (badly) and poker (decently).

Do you use sarcasm? Sometimes.

What is the first thing you notice about people? Their voices. I have a horrible time making eye contact unless I'm really attracted to someone, so I tend to notice the sound of their voice before their physical appearance.

What's your eye color? Hazel but unless you take a close up photo they may as well be green there's so little brown in them.

Scary movies or happy endings? That's tough. Depends on my mood I guess I'm a sucker for both. I would say I've overall watched more scary movies though.

Any talents? I'd say I'm pretty naturally good at poker, which is weird because I suck at math. That's about it though other than maybe looking on the bright side/seeing the positive in negative situations?

Where were you born? England.

What are your hobbies? I meditate, work out, read, play video games, write, listen to music and collect a stupid amount of headphones.

Do you have any pets? Two dogs and a cat. Mutuals can ask to see them :)

How tall? 5'7 I be short.

Favorite subject in school? Chemistry or english lit.

Dream job? I'd love to either be a therapist or design new medications for mental health issues that are more effective than the ones we have now. Neither of those is very likely though at this point of my current trajectory.

What animals do you identify as your familiar? Either cats or birds. I love both.

I haven't been on here in a while so I'm not sure who's still active on here so I'll just tag a handful of people, feel free to ignore this if you don't feel like responding, and feel free to hop in and join in on this even if I didn't tag you. Tagging @illuminfae-ix @s0urce--flow @destined-daydreamer @balancedhuman @vajrakali @planetaerium

[pudding-parade]

15 questions for 15 mutuals

Seeing @zoeoe-sims post of this reminded me that several people had tagged me with this right around the time that my cat died a few weeks ago, too. I wasn't in a place to do this then, but…better late than never? I guess?

I babbled, as usual, so I cut for your protection.

Are you named after anyone? My paternal grandmother. Which is fortunate because she's the only one of my grandparents that I liked. Also, my mother because her maiden name is one of my middle names. (I have two. Fancy!) No comment on whether or not I like my mother. LOL

When was the last time you cried? I cried unhappily a lot when my cat died recently. I still get teary-eyed when I think of her or see something that reminds me of her. But, I also cry happy tears when babies are born on my little hobby farm, and since it's that time of the year, I've been crying a lot lately. :)

Basically, I'm a tear factory. A syrupy commercial will make me cry. You should've seen me when I was pregnant. Speaking of which…

Do you have kids? I birthed three, one conceived against my will when I was 17, but raised only two of them. I probably shouldn't have raised any, frankly. I'm not a good parent, and I don't like kids until they're about 8 or 10. But, when you're caught up in a Christian cult, there's intense pressure to procreate. I fear I really messed up my son, but at least I had my daughter when I was mostly out of the cult/god-belief in general, so I feel I did better by her.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Oh, absolutely not. (Yes, that was sarcasm.)

What sports do you play/have you played? Volleyball. Preferably 2-on-2 because it's more energetic and fun. (If you've ever watched beach volleyball on the Olympics, that's what I do. Or did, when I could.) I'm tall, so I'm pretty good at it. (Not good at basketball, though, because I can't for the life of me run and bounce a ball at the same time.) But mostly I prefer solo pursuits, usually of the "extreme" variety. Free climbing was a passion of my younger years, and I also did some BASE jumping back then. (I wish wing suits had been a thing when I did it. That looks amazing.) White-water kayaking. Skiing/snowboarding. Basically, I'm pretty active when I can be. Chronic health conditions limit me now.

What’s the first thing you notice about other people? Whatever I notice. I don't know. I talk to lots of people, and in the longer term I notice whether or not they can hold a coherent conversation, whether or not they have interests beyond professional sports, tv shows/celebrities, or shoes/fashion, and whether or not they are able to use their higher brain functions. When it comes to possible romantic relationships, I'm strongly attracted to intelligence, eloquence, and unabashed nerdiness, so the ability to use one's brain and have conversations is important to me.

That said, I have to admit that the very first thing I noticed about my husband (almost 10 years ago to this day, in fact) was how nice his ass looked in tight black leather pants, so there's that, too. I like a nice ass as much as the next person. And nice tits. (It's great being pansexual.) But, if all a person has is a great ass/pair of tits, then I lose interest very quickly. Looks fade and gravity does its thing and all that.

Scary movies or happy endings? I don't watch a lot of movies because I find just sitting and watching one to be pretty boring. (Which is odd because I spent much of my adult career as a studio musician working on movie soundtracks.) I'm much better off watching TV shows, which are shorter. But, if I'm going to watch a movie at all, it's either going to be sci-fi or a comedy. Sci-fi can be creepy/scary sometimes (i.e., Alien), and comedies usually have a happy ending, so…both? I guess?

Any special talents? I have perfect pitch and am musically gifted, though my instrumental skills are far superior to my singing skills. That's about it, unless you count the fact that I can wiggle my ears to a freakish degree and independently of each other, like a cat. In fact, I have a number of atavisms like that, probably because my family on both sides is pretty damn inbred.

Where were you born? In Amish country in Indiana, USA. I haven't been back there since I was 16, though. (And since I'm 59, that was a long time ago.)

Well, OK, technically I was born in New York City because my parents were visiting my mom's parents, and I wanted out earlier than expected. (Typical of me, really.) I didn't actually live in NYC until I went to music school, however, and I was raised on a dairy farm in Indiana that my parents owned and paid Amish folks to run for them. So, I grew up hanging out with cows and Amish kids, mostly. LOL

What are your hobbies? Aside from playing video games? Too many, because I don't have time to do them all as much as I would like. Belly dancing and pole dancing. (Both are great for your core.) Composing music. The above-mentioned sports, to the extent that I can do them now. Swing dance. Embroidery/cross-stitch/hand-sewing/lace-making. Horseback riding. Painting. (Only paint-by-numbers because I don't have the time/patience to learn otherwise.) Home improvement projects. (I love me a good tiling job. Currently, I'm working with my husband on our Burmese python's future room because he's quickly growing out of the enclosure we have him in.) Reading scientific papers and popular science articles, especially about dinosaurs. Amateur astronomy. I want to get into doing some woodworking, too, though I have to get over my fear of power saws first.

Basically, my problem is that I have too many interests and not enough time.

Do you have any pets? I have a (mostly) hobby farm, so…

Four horses that are used for just casual and trail riding, so they're basically lushes who laze in the sun and drink a lot of beer, so much that a local microbrewery has their hoppy stout named after my hoppy-stout-loving, beer-snob horse.

Small(ish) herds of both llamas and alpacas. We breed alpacas for their fiber, which we sell combed but otherwise raw to people/companies who spin it to make yarn and stuff. I have fun doing artificial selection with them, breeding for color and fiber texture and stuff. We breed llamas as guard animals, which are basically guard dogs for other livestock. They're more effective against large predators like mountain lions (their natural enemy) than dogs are while requiring much less in the way of training, food, water, etc. So, I have fun with artificial selection with them, too, breeding for (bad) temperament.

A flock of chickens, which is nice because, even though I'm vegan, I'll eat their eggs because I have tons and I know these hens live a life of decadent luxury, complete with a heated coop so they are comfortable year-round. All of them are doted-on, get daily attention (they love sitting in laps) and die of old age unless a predator gets them. Honestly, they're probably my favorite of the farm animals. LOL They are so sweet and so low-maintenance.

Two beehives, though I'm not sure they count as pets. They do require maintenance, though. Them's some hard-working ladies!

Indoors, I have four dogs, three cats, two snakes, and three tarantulas. And an aquarium set-up full of dragonfly nymphs.

(And, I have employees to do most of the farm work because I can't do most of it anymore, and my husband has a real job he loves, and my kids are moved out so no more free labor. Because otherwise my life would consist of nothing but farm chores/animal care.)

How tall are you? 6'0"/183cm. Very tall for a woman, and my build is quite man-like. Being a tall woman is sometimes good and sometimes bad. Like, I can reach whatever I want to reach and be good at volleyball, but finding clothes that fit right is a nightmare. Which is why I got decent at hand-sewing, because I have to alter pretty much everything I buy that's meant for women, even stuff in "tall" sizes, and I got tired of paying to have it done. I really should just make my own clothes from scratch, but there's that time issue again. So, I make do by buying mostly men's clothes. But sometimes you just wanna be pretty, y'know? (Plus, lately, if you go to use a women's restroom while not looking sufficiently female, you'll get very suspicious looks -- and sometimes worse -- from certain idiots waiting for their wife/girlfriend/daughter to come out of the restroom. 🙄)

Fave subject in school? Erm…I didn't actually go to school much. I was enrolled in a private school, but I was traveling and performing as a pianist starting when I was 7 but especially once I was 10. So, I was mostly educated by a private tutor who traveled with me, specifically by a Catholic nun who was in her mid-60s when I was a child. She looked scary, but she was the sweetest woman who ever lived while also being fucking brilliant so it's a damned shame she went into a nunnery. I bawled like a baby at her funeral many years ago.

But ANYWAY! Believe it or not, grammar was my favorite subject. Being educated by a nun, grammar was a Big Thing, but I enjoyed diagramming sentences, which is something that I don't think is taught in schools anymore. (But it should be!) I used to do it for fun. Beyond that, I love any history that isn't US history, and science. All of it. Except physics because calculus hates me. My love of dinosaurs came from my tutor, who was also very interested in them. Which is possibly weird, for a nun, but there it is.

Dream job? Being retired. Which I am. Yay!

Eye color? It says hazel on my driver's license, and I guess that's the closest description. They're basically a muddy green with some flecks of yellow.

I'm not going to tag anyone because it's been a while, and I don't know who's done this. But, if you'd like to do it, consider yourself tagged.