#it's one of those days for wade's kitty

[mischievous-thunder]

Logan: The evil inside me is rising yet again. I can't hold it in for much longer.

Wade: How about some freshly squeezed orange juice?

Logan: Nothing fucking short of souls of the damned-

Wade: We have the muffins I baked in the morning as well.

Logan: Ugh...Fine.

[kendyroy]

i love the thought of logan nodding off and laying his head on wade’s shoulder

and wade tries to take picture of him every time but he’s too scared that if he moves he’ll wake the sleeping kitty, so he just kinda sits there for hours (while gently petting logan’s head).

along with that, i like to think logan falls asleep in so many random places in the apartment, and wade takes a picture whenever he finds him like that…just cuz he loves seeing his man so peaceful.

he draws little cat ears on the pics and has a dedicated album for them (he has about 1000+)

[celestiamour]

‧₊˚✧ ❛[ it's a gift (you keep those) ]❜

ft. logan howlett x f! reader — xmen, marvel

╰₊✧ giving him a plushie that reminded you of him┊1k words

setting: deadpool & wolverine (2024) worst! logan contains: fluff, crushes, probably ooc but he’s so cute & wade is hard to write for, written for dp&w logan so idk if he got gifts in xmen, i forgot about laura, they are in touch and have a wonderful father-daughter relationship, i’m so sorry, edited

➤ author's note: i have so many thoughts but too incompetent to write

logan’s never sure who will appear when he opens the door as wade’s quite the extrovert, either vanessa or one of his many other friends whom he’s now become somewhat acquainted with, but he certainly wasn’t expecting to meet the familiar eyes of the cute neighbor who lived a few doors down. he nervously scratched the back of his head, suddenly becoming aware of his shabby appearance, “uh, are you looking for wade?”

“no, i was actually looking for you!” god, your smile is so bright, it’s blinding. he normally hates perfume of any sort as it’s so overpowering to his heightened senses, but the one that you wore smelled so lovely like always. is that a new shade of lip gloss you’re wearing? it really suits you. (why on earth is he noticing all of these details out of the blue? he needs to snap out of whatever spell you put on him after being introduced when he first showed up and only interacting in passing since then).

“looking for me?” he repeated, in disbelief, trying his best not to allow his surprise to slip into his voice. considering he isn’t from this dimension and not the most agreeable person to be around, he had no friends of his own yet and hasn’t been visited by anyone since he got here. a beat of panic struck him, thinking that he was in trouble for something and you came to complain. he really couldn’t think of any other reason you were here for him even though you were so cheerful.

you were carrying some shopping bags with you, dropping them on the ground before reaching into one and pulling out a large fuzzy plushie of a gray cat hidden under layers of glittery tissue paper, “i saw this cutie when i went shopping with my friends and thought it looked like you!” you held it out for him to take, looking so proud of the stuffed animal.

he hesitated for a second before accepting it, trying to take in the fact that you were reminded of him in your day-to-day life. it made his heart flutter, and he found himself dumbfounded by the feeling. he was frequently teased by his roomate about his little “crush” on you, claiming that it was oh so obvious and that the sooner he accepted it, the better, but he never realized until now how pathetic he was when it came to you. was the wolverine really getting butterflies like a fucking schoolgirl in his old-ass age? thank god no one was home right now to bully him about it, he would never hear the end of it.

“it does not look like me,” he scoffed playfully after a quick examination.

“no, it definitely does! it’s a big, grumpy kitty—” you took a step closer to hold it with him, pointing at all the similarities you observed, although it was clear you were exaggerating for laughs. “see the little frowny face and ears? it could be your identical twin separated from birth! willy mentioned that you act like a cat most of the time, and i think it fits perfectly!”

the smile he didn’t realize was plastered on his face faltered at the last piece of information, grateful that you didn’t notice. that idiot has been talking about him to you? he might as well forget about any chance of getting with you, because knowing how he yaps without a filter and loves to play matchmaker, you probably think he’s a freak of some sort. “only good things, i hope…”

you giggled, the sweetest sound he ever heard. “of course, he’s really fond of you… well, maybe a bit too fond, but you already know about that!” you opened your mouth to continue the conversation or say something else, but your phone started ringing and you excused yourself, looking a little shy as you grabbed up your bags. “i’ll talk to you later!” you sounded so excited about the prospect of it before leaving, your voice and footsteps becoming fainter as you walked back to your place.

“wait, you didn’t take back the cat—”

“it’s a gift! you keep those!”

“oh… right…”

he lingered for a moment, unable to say much in response since you left in such a rush. when was the last time someone gave him a present? staring at this brand new item, he still couldn’t see the resemblance in any way, but knowing that it was a gift from you gave him a rare feeling of happiness which returned every time he looked at it from then on among his few possessions. 

“oh my goodness, what is this adorable thing?!” wade exclaimed when he saw it sitting on the couch where logan slept, picking it up to gawk at before tossing it up in the air and catching it before it hit the floor. “ooh, let me guess, it’s a gift from her, isn’t it?” 

the mutant groaned at his mocking tone. “put it down before you ruin it with your grubby hands,” he commanded, snatching it from his grasp (rough enough to make his point clear, but carefully enough not to tear it apart). his roommate didn’t even bother pretending to be offended like he usually would as he was simply overjoyed that his “ship” was coming true. “it doesn’t mean anything, don’t make it weird.”

“it doesn’t mean anything?! how can you say that when it’s going to be the first gift you give to your first child together—”

“first what??”

“nevermind, what are you gonna name it?”

“i have to name it?”

“have you never owned a stuffed animal before? you have to name it! how heartbroken is she going to be when she asks what you named it and you say that you haven’t done that?! she’s gonna think that you don’t value her gifts!” you would think the world was going to end if he didn’t do so if you heard the way he was speaking.

“fine, i’ll name it…” he looked deeply into the toy’s soulless eyes, noting how soft the outer material was against his calloused hand, “... fluffy…”

“that’s such a shitty name—”

“shut the fuck up, it’s been decided.”

[wolverigrl]

The Beauty and the Beast

Logan Howlett x Reader!mutant!

Soo I've decided to try out writing one shots again. The last time I did that.. oh hell.. definitely some years ago. So please don't judge if it's not a masterpiece. I hope you still enjoy this imaginary! <3

Please let me know what you think about it!

Warnings: Mostly fluff, maybe here and there some swearing, but that's all

‐-----------------------------‐-----------------------------‐---------

It was one of those fun evenings that you could only experience if you lived with Wade Wilson. Today, however, was a special occasion: Wade's house party.

The apartment that Y/N shared with Blind Al and him was filled with many different people - friends that Wade had made over the years. And then there was the new roommate, Logan Howlett, who most people only knew as Wolverine. He actually came from a different timeline, but after they both fought Cassandra Nova, Logan was more like stranded in this universe. According to Wade's brief tales, the Wolverine unfortunately had no future in his world, but he did in theirs.

Y/N, unlike Wilson, was a quiet person. One who rarely said much, but always listened and observed. She was the perfect example of still waters run deep. It was this calmness that fascinated Wade from the very beginning when they met in that cruel experimental camp. They both went through hell and became mutants in the end.

Y/N developed the ability to project the pain and feelings of others onto herself or onto others - a power that was both a curse and a blessing. Wade, with his regenerative ability and wacky sense of humor, had quickly become a steady anchor for her. He was her best friend who understood her like no one else. She lost her memory as a result of the human despising experiments, which is why she still doesn't know exactly who she is today.

They had stuck together ever since they had escaped the camp, and Wade never hesitated to make fun of Y/N's quieter ways - in his own affectionate way.

Lately, though, he found a new target for his jokes: Logan and Y/N. It hadn't escaped Wade's notice, nor Blind Al's, that there was an unspoken tension between the two, even though they had barely spoken since Logan moved in.

Y/N had kept an eye on Logan from day one. It was hard not to. He was, after all, an imposing figure - broad shouldered, muscular, with an prominent face and those eyes that always looked a little melancholy, as if they had seen and suffered too much. His kitty cat hair and beard, which Wade loved to make the target of his jokes, gave him an almost animalistic appearance.

Every morning, Logan and y/n met almost simultaneously in the apartment because they had one thing in common. Insomnia. In the kitchen, Logan prepared coffee for both of them, and she made breakfast or dinner in return. They ate together in silence, but they both always looked at each other when the other wasn't looking. If their eyes met, they both gave each other a warm smile. Sometimes, it was irritating for Logan that he was hardly ever grumpy towards her, but he couldn't even help it.

One evening, Y/n came home after a walk. She took her towel and clothes from her room and walked into the bathroom. To her surprise, she saw Logan standing in front of her in just a towel tied around his hips. His hair was wet, just like his upper body. He turned to her and cleared his throat.

"Sorry about that. I'm almost done." He said in his deep voice.

Y/n felt the warmth on her face. There was a lot of humidity and heat in the room, which made it feel harder for her to breathe properly after seeing him like that. Before she nodded and left the room, she couldn't help but let her eyes wander over Logan's body again. She had to admit that she found him incredibly attractive.

But it wasn't just his looks that attracted Y/N; it was the depth that lay within him, a darkness she knew all too well.

Wade noticed those looks from day one and couldn't help but comment on them every time. At breakfast, Y/N sat quietly, absorbed in her thoughts, when Wade came in, tousled her hair, and said, "Good morning, sunshine! Are you dreaming about our hairy roommate again? Tell me, do you prefer him in flannel or without anything?"

Grinning, he put his head on Logan's shoulder, who was looking into the open fridge.

Y/N choked on her coffee and started coughing like mad.

Logan, in return, roughly pulled his shoulder away and tensed his jaw.

"Bub, you really want to go through the void scenario again?" Logan growled, closing the fridge. Wade just laughed out loud and stood behind y/n.

"Oh please, Logan! You know, well, I'm just teasing you." replied Wade, unimpressed. He started massaging y/n's shoulders and added with a wink: "But honestly, y/n why so shy? Don't be so old school and make the first move yourself. I mean, Logan may look like a wild animal, but deep down, he's a cuddly bear."

Blind Al walked by the open kitchen door and just shook her head and mumbled, "One day Logan's really gonna rip his head off, and I'm gonna fucking enjoy it."

That night, while the party was playing at full volume and Wade was getting into over-the-top shenanigans with the guests, Logan suddenly realized that y/n was no longer in the room. He looked around, but it was as if she had vanished into thin air. His eyes wandered to the window front that led to a fire escape. By now, he knew that it was typical for her to hide in places like this when the crowd got too much for her.

Logan pushed his way through the people and stepped out into the cool night. There, on the fire escape, he found y/n. She was sitting on the metal step, her arms wrapped around her knees and staring off into the distance. The lights of the city glittered before her like an endless sea.

"Are you here to hide from Wade, or are you just enjoying the view?" Logan finally asked, his voice quiet and low.

Y/n smiled faintly. "Maybe a little of both. Sometimes I just need a moment to think, you know?"

He nodded thoughtfully, though he knew she didn't look at him.

"I know what it's like, bub. Sometimes, it's hard to get a clear head when everything around you is so loud."

"Yeah." she replied quietly before adding after a pause, "But you know what I still don't understand? How someone like Wade managed to get someone like you soft."

Logan snorted and gave her a skeptical look. "Soft? That's not exactly the word I'd choose."

Y/n smiled. "Oh come on. You never would have gotten yourself into such a mess if there wasn't something about Wade that made you...let's say, more human."

Logan scanned her face in the dark with a smile and stopped his eyes on her lips.

"Maybe you're right," he murmured with a smile. "Or maybe I've just gone crazy."

He sat down next to her, and the metal creaked softly under his weight. They sat side by side in silence for a while, listening to the distant hum of the city and the muffled noise of the party behind them.

"It's nice out here," Logan finally said and leaned back. He put his head back in the neck, closed his eyes, and breathed in the cool air.

Y/n looked over at him and felt a comforting warmth in her stomach area as her eyes traveled from his profile down to his neck and then to his muscular torso.

Y/n smiled. "I like being here when your own world is a little noisy."

Logan opened his eyes again and nodded as if he knew exactly what she meant. "I understand what you mean. Sometimes, you just need distance."

Y/n looked at the city again for a moment. There was a brief, comfortable silence.

Her voice was soft, almost hesitant. "May I ask what your real story is?"

He looked at her sideways, surprised by her question, but then he looked off into the distance. "I've lost a lot. More than any human should have to bear... and it's all my own fault." He paused as if collecting himself before continuing. "I was born in the early 1800s. Went through all that crap - wars, experiments, the loss of people I cared about. And then I became... what I am today. A man with a skeleton made of adamantium, unable to die." he sighed.

"One night, a group of humans went mutant hunting and attacked the X-Men. I had just tumbled out of the nearest bar and heard the screams of my own people."

He began to play with his hands and became tense before continuing on about how he didn't help his team and let them die.

Y/n listened attentively without interrupting him. Her sympathy for him grew, so she slowly began to project his feelings onto herself. She felt incredibly sorry to see him like this. He had already been through so much and now it was all coming up again because of her curiosity.

She could feel all the hatred and sadness that was deep inside him. With tears in her eyes and a lump in her throat, she looked at her hands.

Logan furrowed his eyebrows and suddenly fell silent. He didn't feel a single emotion when he continued his story. Not like he was used to. He looked to Y/n.

"What are you doing to me?" he asked in a calm voice.

Y/n's head lifted, and she blinked away her tears, smiling. "I'm sorry." She said softly and put her hand on his.

Silence for a moment. Logan stared at their hands and realized what just happened. He looked at her.

"I've learned to deal with it, bub. As best I can."

They were both silent for a while, lost in thoughts. Finally, it was Logan who broke the silence again. "And you? How did you get your powers?"

Y/n took a deep breath before she began. "Unfortunately, I can only remember the day I was taken to the experimental camp. They ran various tests on me there. Wade was there too, at the same time. We got to know each other there."

She paused as the memory of those horrible days overcame her. Logan squeezed her hand lightly, as if to let her know she wasn't alone.

"Wade and I kept each other alive," she continued softly. "Without him, I probably wouldn't still be here. He made me laugh, even in the worst moments. And at some point, we managed to escape. Since then... well, he's kept me on my toes ever since. Eventually, I made a new friend and now have powers that allow me to project the feelings and pain of others onto myself."

Logan nodded in understanding. "Wade may be crazy, but he's got a big heart. Even if he likes to hide it behind his stupid sayings."

Y/n smiled at those words. "Yeah, that's true. He's my best friend. Without him, I don't think I would have ever found my way out of my darkness."

"Then I guess I owe him," Logan said, his gaze soft but serious.

"Maybe," Y/n replied softly. Their eyes met, and in that moment, the connection between them felt stronger than ever. It was as if they understood each other through their shared experiences and the pain they both knew.

Logan looked at y/n, and in her eyes he recognized a pain so similar to his own that it almost took his breath away.

The distance between them seemed to close as they leaned towards each other, as if drawn by some unseen force.

"Logan..." Y/n whispered barely audibly as her eyes slid to his lips.

He didn't answer with words. Instead, he removed his hand from hers and placed it on her cheek. His thumb gently stroked her skin. The world around them seemed to blur as they drew even closer. It was as if they only existed in that moment. Only for each other.

And then, without further hesitation, Logan closed the last few inches between them. His lips met hers, gently at first, almost hesitantly, as if testing to see if she was about to pull away. Y/n's eyes closed as she returned the kiss and her hand finding its way to his neck as she let herself fall deeper into the kiss.

It was a kiss full of unspoken words, full of emotions that neither of them had been able to express before.

The world around them disappeared, there was only the feeling of their lips meeting in a mixture of tenderness and desire. But as beautiful as this case was, it was interrupted with a familiar voice.

"Heyy are you two making out here? Without me?" Wade's voice boomed into the night, accompanied by his trademark wide grin.

"Logan, you old romantic, you really picked the perfect moment to start a fling with y/n. Shall I get the camera? Wait a minute, I need popcorn too - what's on today, 'Beauty and the Beast'?"

Logan immediately backed off, while y/n slapped a hand over her face, half annoyed, half amused. "Gosh Wade..." she began, but he interrupted her immediately.

"What? I mean, I totally get it - Logan is a sight to behold! And those biceps, mmmh! But honestly, Logan! You, the man who usually stares at walls like they're his greatest enemies, are suddenly in the middle of a rom-com moment? What's next? Candle light dinner and a love song in the background?

Tell me you at least have some cool lines in store before you fuck her!"

Y/n reached out with her hand and smacked Wade's thigh, laughing. Her embarrassment was forgotten.

Logan, on the other hand, sighed deeply and rubbed his eyes as if trying to erase Wade's voice from his brain.

"For fuck's sake Wade, I swear, if you-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, 'if I say one more sentence, I'll have your claws up my ass'. Been there, done that."

Wade grinned broadly and winked at y/n.

"But, y/n, come on, I need to know - how does it feel sucking on the lips of the King of grumpiness? Electrifying? Did you feel sparks? Or did he just taste like whiskey and world weariness?"

Y/n couldn't help but shook her head with a laugh and looked at Logan. He scanned her face and you'd swear the corners of his mouth were twitching upwards.

"Wade" Logan admonished, his voice an octave lower, "if you don't get out of here right now, you might not live to see your next birthday."

Wade raised his hands in a gesture of peace.

"Hey, I didn't mean to interrupt you two lovebirds. But seriously, Logan, if you've come this far, do it right! A kiss under the stars? Come on, it's movie material!"

Y/n looked back up at Wade with a smile. Logan just shook his head, but a small smile crept onto his face.

"You're impossible, Wade."

"And that's exactly why you two love me so much! Now get your bums in here before Blind Al starts beating us all with her crutches!"

Wade winked at them before disappearing back into the apartment, still laughing.

Y/n and Logan glanced at each other, and an unspoken understanding passed between them. The moment had been shattered, but the connection they felt remained.

"He really is crazy," Logan finally muttered as they stood up.

"Yeah" Y/N replied with a soft smile. "But he brings out the best in us, doesn't he?"

"I guess he does," Logan agreed before he put a hand on her back, and they both stepped back into the noisy, chaotic world inside where Wade was surely already planning their next escapade.

‐---------------------------------------------------------------------

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Death Wish 12

Warnings: non/dubcon, mentions of crime, violence/abuse and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: mob!Bucky Barnes

Part of the mob drabbles au

Summary: you’re desperate for a way out of your life and you ask a powerful man for help (plus!reader)

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

Photo Inspo

"Hm, not that one. Dear, I think the last one was it. Perfectly traditional, without being stuffy," Winnifred insists.

You stare at yourself in the mirror. Your pick is everything you prefer. Simple and easy. Not uncomfortable. Not fussy laces or elaborate beading and endless skirts. Just a dress.

Of course, it wouldn't be good enough for a king. Nor his mother. You temper your disappointment. You assume that will need to become a habit. Your opinion, as always, is secondary.

"I suppose it it a bit plain," you agree, "sure. We can go with the last one."

"Are you sure?" Kitty pushes her shoulders up as she slides to the edge of the seat.

"Yes, it's fine," you assure her.

"Congratulations," the associate steps forward. "Shall we get you back in it?"

"No, you can just put in the order," you say. You are in no rush to have her ream on those laces again.

"Of course, you've had a long day," she agrees sheepishly, if not with a hint of surprise. Eight hours is a long day. Too long to spend in a shop. "You should ring the bell. Since you found your dress."

"The bell?" You question then glance over at the other women. "Okay."

The associate flits off and you stand listless in the dress you'll mourn with your previous life. When she returns, she has a big golden bell. She gives you a speech about your happy day and hands it over. You give it a jingle then just as quickly give it back.

"You sure you don't want to try it on again?" Winnifred asks.

You shake your head, "sorry, it's been a long few days."

"Oh, yes, our condolences," Rebecca intones. "Mother, I think Bucky might already have a few words for us for keeping his bride so long already."

"Yes, despite my best efforts, he can be a greedy little boy," Winnifred laughs.

You attempt a smile. You can imagine it's more of a quiver in your lips. Winnifred stands, the other women as well, your sisters hesitant. The three of you are cautiouslt wading through this new world. One where you're no long insignificant. The threat of your father's disapproval has been replaced by a greater one.

You did this. You and your selfish impulsivity. You could excuse yourself for fear or desperation, but you can blame yourself just as much for not thinking out the consequences. Not that you could ever guess they would involve a white gown and diamond ring.

There is some chatter as you are taken back to the lobby. Winnifred attends to the payment as you retreat in embarrassment. Your sisters exchange a none-so-subtle look of concern.

"Well then, girls," the matriarch turns with an accomplished sigh, "allow us to escort you love bridesmaids home." She declares, "I believe you," she stops in front of you and takes your hand, "are due to meet your beloved. Do tell my son I send my tidings. Certainly it won't be long until I might do so myself."

Your sisters stir nervously. You glance at them and nod. Just do what you're told. It's always been the best strategy.

"That's very kind of you,, Winnifred," Kitty speaks first.

"Ah not at all, I should like to see your side of town. I am painfully nosy, though I might paint it as curiousity," she lets you go. "And you might give me some insight into my future daughter. She is rather enigmatic thus far."

You wince. Of course, it all methodical. You claim your jackets and emerge outside. Wanda, Rebecca, and Natasha claim one car, your sisters and Winnifred the next, and another idles as you approach.

The driver comes around and pulls open the door. You hate that. It feels as if you are a puppet on strings. You move to the tugs and tweaks of Barnes' all reaching hand.

You lower yourself onto the seat, peering on ahead of you, and hesitate before you slide in. You don't expect him to be waiting for you there. The door closes as you shift further in. Barnes' takes your hand before you can settle and kisses your knuckle above the ostentatious stone setting.

"Doll," he purrs.

"Barnes," you greet plaintively.

"Ah, you don't gotta be like that," he drawls as he clings to your hand, his thumb feeling the stones.

"Sorry," you nibble your lip. "I'm only tired."

"Yes, I hope you found something," he says. "Ladies and their dresses."

"Mm, yes," you affirm.

He tuts, "you don't sound very excited."

"Not sure I'm fit to wear white..." you mutter.

"Doesn't bother me, doll. We've both lived lives before we met--"

"Not that," you interject, surprisingly yourself at your curtness. "You know why."

He inhales deeply and sighs, "he got all he had coming. We both know that."

"Yes, but it was me...." you trail off and shrug.

You sense him watching you. You stare ahead and swallow down all those confusing emotions. "It's done, I suppose."

"I respect the apathy, doll, but you don't gotta play cool with me," he insists.

"I don't give-- I don't care about him."

He nods and gives a thoughtful im, "your sisters. Have I not proven myself to you? I told you I'd see to them, I'm a man of my word.”

“I believe it,” you resign. “It's… a lot. I don't think I'm what you think. I don't think I can do this.” You slump in defeat. “I'm not what you're looking for. You've made a bad choice.”

“Hmph,” he scoffs. “That you even got the guts to tell me so shows me you're wrong. You don't know how right you are for me, doll.”

He snakes his arm behind you and pulls you close. “Now you're not gonna roll over and show your belly. Not if you're my woman.”

“I'm not…”

“We were both in that warehouse,” he lowers his voice as his fingertips curl into your hip. His other hand brushes over your lap. “You did what needed to be done. Just like today. Just like yesterday. Every step of the way You've shown me exactly what you say you're not.”

“Bucky, I just wanted to be free,” you latch onto his forearm. “That's all–”

“You're free. And safe. You know what I'd do for you, doll? What I'll do to keep you safe? Happy? To keep you mine.” He leans in to nuzzle your cheek, “that's the one thing about me you haven't figured out. I'm stubborn. I put my mind to something and I do it. Exactly what you did when you showed up battered and begging–”

“Please,” you rasp and his nose tickles down your cheek and he dips down to kiss your neck. His lips and beard send a tingle through you.

“On my honour, you'll never look like that again. You'll never be bruised and the hand that dares to lay a single blemish on you will be cut off,” he nips your skin.

The tenor of his voice brooks no doubt nor the tight grip his keeps on your thigh. His hot breath blooms around your neck and he growls. You made a deal with the devil and now he's come to collect.

[maybe-im-dark]

Because of Wades fourth wall breaking ability and being able to remember all timelines, he of course knows about Origins. I mean...he literally fixed that godawful ending by shooting the weird Deadpool. But anyways one day while Logan and him are eating lunch he goes: "Did this version of you also have that 'teen magazine hearthrob' hairstyle in 1979?"

Logan is completely taken aback. "What?"

"You know, in 1979 when you were living in Canada with a woman named Kayla Silverfox and then Stryker came and turned your lil kitty claws into metal?"

Logan just stares at him not saying anything.

"Do you have a half brother named Victor or did Marvel retcon that part of the movie completely? I know you didn't really talk to Sabretooth at all before killing him but..."

"Wade, i'm not gonna answer any of those questions!"

"Not even questions about Jean? I really gotta know if you too almost slept with her like that other version of you in X Men 3 where you got seduced by her. Man if you had gone any further that rating would have gone from PG-13 to hard R!"

Logan tilts his head slightly, popping his claws slowly and menacingly.

"Yeah, i went to far. This is gonna hurt."

[pastorpresent]

Major TW for sui/sui thoughts, SH and alcoholism.

Thinking about if Logan had opted to go back to his own universe at the end of dp3.

Him and Wade had been through a lot, sure, but he still doesn't want to impose. Looks around at this family Wade's built. The girl he's in love with, their hands atop of each other, and he knows he definitely can't do all that again. Had done it for far too long with Jean and Scott, and it had irrevocably destroyed a part of his heart forever. He couldn't do that again, didn't have enough heart to risk on Wade Wilson and his kind eyes but ultimate obliviousness.

He couldn't just be a spare part in Wade's life. An intruder. So he leaves after a few days. Thanks Wade, pretends he can't tell the merc is crying under the mask as he throws him one last hug.

As if it was for Wade. No, Logan was just weak. Couldn't leave him forever without just a miniscule taste, especially because he knows when he goes 'home', he won't feel the gentle touch of another person... ever, probably.

He steps through the portal. He's back in his world. His shitty apartment. It might be objectively better than Wade's- but it's so, so much worse, because it's just him and the fucking bare walls. There's blood dried into the carpet from when lashing out at inanimate objects isn't enough. Empty bottles are piled in the trash, and everywhere else.

He thinks about the hello kitty posters plastered on the walls of Wade and Al's apartment. The fading stickers of that pony show Wade watched in the mornings stuck on the TV stand. The curse words and crude drawings carved into the coffee table with Wade's baby knife.

(Logan's initials are carved in there now. He hadn't seen Wade do it, but when he'd noticed it his vision had blurred with tears.)

He'd mocked all of those things aloud. Childish. Fucking stupid, was he five?

His wallpaper was peeling and slashed with three identical cuts here and there. His TV was settled on a cardboard box. There was nothing carved into the wood of his coffee table, and even if there had been the cluster of beer bottles would've hid it from view.

He leaves. Goes and drinks himself to death in a bar. Not the nearest bar, because that's where Wade found him, and he'd sooner gut himself on the pavement that step foot in there ever again.

He stumbled home shit faced. He doesn't know what time it is. Skips the shower, collapses into his bed with a manic chuckle, a bottle of whiskey replacing where Wade was supposed to be. He cuddles up to it pathetically. It's cold and hard against his chest. It's not Wade, as much as he wants it to be, and he clutches it too hard, as if that'll change that basic fact.

It shatters. The glass cuts open his skin as quickly as his body stitches it closed. The dredges of alcohol soak into the mattress and his shirt.

He passes out shortly after, and when he finally finds sleep he sees him.

Wade's lying next to him, smiling softly, the golden glow of the sunrise floating over his scarred skin.

"Morning peanut," he says, eyes shining.

Logan almost chokes on the sob that builds in his chest, swelling up and suffocating him, "Wade."

"I'm here."

Logan reaches out to touch, hand shaking, and Wade cries out, impaled on claws he doesn't remember unsheathing.

Bloods going everywhere, and he's panicking, because Wade isn't healing. He's going pale, and he's still bleeding, and his eyes already look dead.

He wakes up screaming his name, in a sticky patch of drying whiskey. He adds vomit into the mix for good measure, still gasping and trying to catch his breath as he throws up onto the sheets.

He decides sleeping is the issue, so he will just not do that. He drinks, and drinks, and lives in bars and on his couch. He doesn't sleep, even if his body begs for it. Goes as far as filling the bath and holding himself under for a few seconds to wake himself up.

The ptsd-esque flashback it triggers from the tank, his procedure, makes him destroy his bathroom entirely. The shower curtain is slashed into ribbons. The mirror is shattered in the sink. The tiles are literally hanging off the walls.

Somehow he'd still rather be drowning repeatedly as metal gets grafted to his skeleton through what felt like a million needles than back on that bed with Wade smiling over at him. Even before he... that scene alone had been the sickest form of torture he could conjure up. Wade, mere inches away, happy, his. A big fucking lie.

He used to have similiar dreams about Scott and Jean. Lying between them as they stroked his hair and told him they loved him, only for them to laugh at him when he tried to touch. Call him deluded and sick and all the other words Logan felt like he needed etched onto his bones as some form of repentance.

Of course, because his brain fucking hates him, he starts seeing Wade when he's awake. It's like it clicked on to his plan and tutted down at him, scolding him for avoiding a clearly deserved punishment.

Or he's just dangerously sleep deprived. Thinking your brain was conspiring against you probably also fit nicely into that narrative.

He sees Wade sat on a barstool a few feet away out the corner of his eye. Walking the streets from his window. In the line at the fucking liquor store.

He'd gotten his drunk ass beat on more than one occasion for grabbing strangers, calling them his name only to be met with a face he'd never seen before, absent of scars and that painfully soft smile.

He's losing his mind. He's going entirely insane.

An adamantium bullet to the skull doesn't sound too bad. It might not kill him, but it would rid him of the memories. He sits with the barrel of the gun pressed to his forehead sometimes, pictures it being Wade holding it there, and his finger itches for the trigger but he can't quite do it. He hears Wade's voice whispering to him when he has the cool metal against his skin, "no, peanut. Put it down please."

His thoughts of Wade hurt, but he wasn't ready to erase them entirely because he was a fucking coward. He's too fucking weak to get rid of those eyes, the memories of that touch, even as all of it tortures his brain onto the brink of fully fledged insanity.

It's three weeks into his destructive routine. The only sleep he's had is that of which he's been forced into when his body shuts down from too much alcohol. Wade's always there. On the bed. Smiling.

Sometimes they talk. Sometimes Wade asks him to come back. It always ends the same, though - screaming and begging as the man in front of him turns into a corpse.

Three weeks. The adamantium bullet is on his nightstand, ready when he is.

He's considering tonight. He's going to shower, get dressed and get dinner from his favourite take out place. He's going to think of Wade and every word he'd ever said to him, and then he was going to do it.

There's a knock on his apartment door that morning, which is bizzare. He has no one in this universe. Absolutely no one, so who would be pounding on his door at ten in the morning?

He pushes his breakfast (vodka) aside and goes to the door, pulling it open and.

And... he needs that bullet in his skull right now, because this is just fucking cruel.

"Hey, peanut."

And Logan can't take this. He can't fucking do this anymore! It's not fucking fair, why is his own head trying to kill him?

He remembers unsheathing the claws this time, but he immediately buries them in his own torso, blood dripping all over the carpet. He's mumbling, incohesive even to his own ears as he drags the claws down, feeling them pop his lungs like balloons and slice through organs.

"Logan! Logan, what the fuck? Stop!" Wade yells, his voice reaching a panicked pitch, his eyes wide in absolute horror.

"You stop! I can't- I know I've done horrible, horrible things but stop fucking showing me this! Stop letting me fucking see him!"

He's screaming at himself, at his own goddamn psyche, and that's probably how you know you've lost it entirely, right? Screaming at thin air? Yelling at yourself?

Solid hands reach out and snap onto his wrists, pulling his claws out. Wade pushes him to the ground, landing atop of him with a thud and pinning his wrists above his head.

Logan doesn't struggle. He can't. He's too busy staring at Wade with wide eyes.

"How- you're touching me. I can feel you," he says, voice raw. He can feel Wade's fingertips pressing into his skin like burns.

Wade's staring back at him, his face twisted up in confusion, "yeah? Because I'm a person with a body and I'm touching you with it? Not like that, this is not that kind of fic-"

He wrapped his arms around the merc and pulls him in, even though he's getting blood all over him. He can smell Wade. Feel his body heat. Feel the lines of him pressed against his own body and... it had never felt this real before. Was he dead? Had his body finally given up on regenerating his stupid ass? He supposed there might be a limit on liver damage even for him.

"Logan? What's going on? Not that I'm not enjoying this, because trust me I really am, but I expected a bit more.. hostility? Because you said you wanted to go home, and I get it because I'm annoying as fuck, but I sort of really missed you and I had to bribe the TVA just to get an hour visit and then wasted ten minutes of that figuring out which apartment was yours and-"

An hour. Wade was here for an hour. He was actually here. It wasn't in his head. He was here.

"Don't... please. Please. Don't leave me here I- I can't do it anymore," he begged, clinging onto Wade ridiculously, his nails digging into his back.

"Logan..."

"I'm sorry. Shouldn't- shouldn't of left, 'm sorry. I don't want to ruin your life, wanted to stay away so you wouldn't be stuck with me, but I can't do it."

He was crying. Couldn't feel the tears but could feel the tightness in his chest. He should be pushing Wade off. He needs to push him off and let him go home, but he can't. He wants to go home, and he knows that this place, this hell, isn't home.

Wade's apartment is. Wade is.

He'd be the intruder. Be the spare part. Watch Wade fall deeper in love with Vanessa and be good, watching from the sidelines and taking whatever Wade would give him. Would never ask for more than that, because that's what brought his thing with Jean and Scott crashing to the ground.

He'd do all of it, because at least then he'd get to see Wade and hear the idiots ramblings and feel fucking alive again. He can't stay here, not when he feels like some sort of ghost, doomed to living out the same depressing day over and over until he finally feels the blissful release of death.

Wade sat them up, pulling Logan up with him, holding both his hands in his own, "is that really what you think? That's why you left?"

"It's true. You have Vanessa, and a life to start. Last thing you need is me hanging around. But just- please, Wade. I'll find my own place and- and I'll leave you alone, with her- I really will. I just... I can't breathe here. I'm fucking dying. I can't sleep, or eat, or function and I- I just can't. I need you," he was being too honest, probably. Would likely just scare Wade off and send him running back to his own universe sighing with relief at dodging that paricularly unstable bullet.

But he couldn't help it. He needed to plead his case, and it didn't help that he hadn't really had anyone to talk to about this stuff. Fuck, his human interactions since he returned were limited to the transactional ones in order to purchase more alcohol, and the ones entirely in his own head.

Wade grabs his face, "Logan Howlett, you are the biggest fucking idiot on earth. Scratch that, the whole universe, probably."

"What?"

And then Wade is kissing him, hard. Hard enough that Logan finds himself having to use his arms to brace himself on the stained carpet just to keep upright as Wade uses a hand on the back of his head to pull him ever closer.

They part. Logan is panting, pupils blown, unable to form a cohesive word nevermind a sentence or two.

"Me and Ness agreed to just be friends. She broke up with her boyfriend and asked me for another try, but it's not fair on her to do that when I'm in love with somebody else."

Logan still can't speak. His brain is short circuiting, unable to fathom what Wade is saying to him.

"Truth is, I've been miserable without you Peanut. Turns out even after just a couple of nights with you in my bed, I can't sleep without you either," he shrugged, his own eyes shining with tears, "I wasn't going to ask you to come home with me, because I really was trying to respect your decision here but... fuck. I had to see you, even if those assholes would only give me an hour. I needed to see you, peanut, or I was going to lose my shit and probably go massacre an entire town or something equally as drastic."

"Wade," Logan finally managed, the word coming out all strained and choked up, "take me home, please."

Wade beamed despite his own tears, grabbing him and pulling him in, and Logan held onto him tightly.

"Of course, baby. Never letting you out of my sight again."

[thedream14]

I really love the idea of ​​Logan assuming that Wade has always been a mutant, only to find out in some random way that Wade was actually a “fail” experiment.

In his home universe, Wade Wilson was a human with extraordinary physical abilities and reflexes, but not a mutant. So, upon seeing his face for the first time in the Void, Logan automatically assumed that this variant of Wilson was definitely a mutant. Besides, it made sense that he wasn't a human. Deadpool could survive literally anything.

(superrrr Angst/Fluff stuff over here)

****

The prompt would go something like this:

One day, while walking through Central Park, they came across a small exhibition of mutant artists. This caught Logan's attention, as he has always openly supported any kind of mutant project.

Without explanation, he dragged Wade towards the exhibition. From the beginning, Logan could notice Wade's nervousness and discomfort. He had become strangely rigid in his movements and for once… He shut up voluntarily.

Feeling a little weird with his partner's attitude, Logan decided to get away from the crowd with Wade. Once in a more private place he asked:

- Ok… Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong with ya, bub ?

- Ahhhh nothing, noopeee, nada !

- You know that I can tell that you are lying, right? Like literally I can Smell it all over you…

- Well… It's pointless really… like really dumb. You don’t have to worry about it…

- Quit the bullshit, mouth! If it was a “dumb” thing, you wouldn't be like this. You didn't even comment on one of the paintings with a fucking tennis ball on it

- Gagged ! No pun intended.

- You fucking idiot - Snikt!

- Ok ok relax !!! Pull the kitty claws away…

- I swear, I never thought I'd say this, but starts talking Wade…

- Ok, it's just that... I felt a little out of place. All those mutants… like everybody was happy and talking to each other, I don't know... It's not that I have anything against mutants, of course not, I support the cause. I fuck with all the equal rights for mutants and stuff… it's just that, I don't know... I felt like I shouldn't be there... Also, what if you were recognized, Peanut? Then your community would associate you with me and let's be honest, almost nobody wants that... Nobody wants to be seen with lil old Deadpool, imma right?

Logan is a man of few words. He has always kept control of his thoughts and actions. There are very few times when he decides to remain silent, simply because his mind has gone blank. This is one of those times.

- Hey !!! Earth calling Wolvie… are you okay? Holy shit I think I talked too much again… Look, I’m reeeeeeally sorry…

- What the actual Fuck…

- Excuse me… what?

- Like What the actual Fuck, Wade… I don’t understand. How can you feel out of place among your own people? And what is all that shit about me being seeing with you?

After Seeing his partner's worried face, Logan decided to be a little gentler with his words. He didn't want to close the opportunity of communication between them. Also, Logan didn’t want to make him feel even more insecure.

He really didn't understand the situation and wanted to know what’s going through his lover mind. Soooo with an extreme delicacy, he grabbed his partner's hand and with a sweet gesture, he commented:

- Ok… Princess, don’t worry. I just… want to understand you. Please walk me through it…

- I mean… If you ask that kindly - Respond Wade with a small smile. - Like I told you, I don’t feel welcome between mutants at all… Like the X-men didn’t want me close…

- Fuck the X-men! If they don't want you around, it doesn't mean that any other mutant will feel good in your company. I love your company. As mutants we have to watch our backs together…

- Wait wait wait… I truly loveeee all this sweet speech of yours, I truly am… but peanut… Their is a detail. I’m not a mutant… or at least, I wasn’t born as one… you knew that, right? Righttt ???

Again, mind blank. This is a record, Logan should treat Wade with an ice cream as a reward.

- Ok… Well, I guess you didn't know

- How?

- Excuse me, love… How what exactly?

- How you become one? I mean… you are saying that you aren’t a mutant. Then what happened?

- Ohhh Peanut, buckle up for a sappy Origen story !!!

To say that Logan was not prepared for the story would be an overstatement. He had no words to describe the pain that was crossing his heart.

Logan could empathize with Wade's suffering, but fail to assimilate the fear and hopelessness that Wade probably felt in those darker times. It’s not easy to accept the end of the road when you have loved ones around you.

- And like I told you, I'm not exactly welcome anywhere… I'm not human enough to be well regarded on the streets and I'm not mutant enough to play nice with the X-Men and their little joy club. It's not like I want to be with them either... They're all idiots who can kiss my disfigured fucking ass ... But I'd be lying if I told you I wouldn't like to belong somewhere... I don't like feeling lost, Logan. That’s why I take good care of my family… That’s why I try to take a good care of you…

- Wade… I…

- Nope, no words Peanut. It’s ok. I’m used to it. I… I just need time. Besides, I don't want to cause you any trouble. Like I said, I want you to be happy. I don't want any doors to be closed to you because of me. I would hate myself even more if you were excluded because of me. That's why I'm worried that you'll be seen with me in such a public way…. I love you and I want the best for you, Logan…

- Wade… This is too much… I

- Ohhhh I’m sorry… I don’t want to be overwhelming… I just…

- No… It’s not that… It’s too much to process… I… Wade, I love you… I truly love you. I’m not good with words, but I could tell you how much I love you and how much I love and crave your company. I don’t give a fuck about anybody else… I want you by my side all the time.

- Ohhh Peanut, it’s ok…

- No, it’s not ok. Stop it. It’s not ok what you been through. It’s not fucking ok how you being treated and I swear to god, it’s not ok how you been excluded by the people that was supposed to help you… So fuck it ! Fuck them ! Fuck all of them !!! We don’t need them, princess !!! We are better without them !

- Come Logan, don’t say that ! That’s why I didn’t want to tell you…

- No, Wade. Don’t ever lie to me about this things. We are partners, lovers, whatever you want to call us. We are together. If you are not welcome, neither I am.

With even a greater gentleness, Logan released Wade's hands to hold his face. His eyes were tearful with emotion.

At that moment, Logan remembered how beautiful the love of his life truly was. He also made a promise to himself, he would never let anyone hurt Wade again.

- I need you to engrave this inside your head my princess, I would never be ashamed of loving you. Of holding your hands, kissing your face and hugging your body. I will never regret chosen you !

Immediately, Logan ended that promise of love with a sweet and slow kiss.

Wade did not deserve to be an open secret. Wade was his mutant lover and no one could change that fact.

***

I was cooking this in my sleepless nights… I need to rest, but my insomnia is severe and F up…

I hope you liked this 🤯

[tteotlma]

Dialed In

phone sex - foreplay - dystopian

Deadpool/Reader (3.3kw)

a/n: KINKTOBER DAY THREEEEEEE -- i wanna explore w more characters so if you have any suggestions let me know. i liked writing w deadpool (it was my first time)

tw: 18+ MDNI, sexual content, strong language, adult humor, dystopian themes, violence, phone sex, masturbation, graphic dirty talk, intimate photographs, crude humor, isolation, separation, anxiety

---

The world has currently gone to hell, overrun by rogue AI and corrupt government forces, forcing many to isolate and go into hiding. Being Wade’s “Sexy Pants Love Nugget” (as he likes to put it) comes with perks. When everything went to shit Wade made sure to keep you safe in some surprise underground bunker he had. 

“Oh, this?” Wade gestures around the bunker. “It’s my secret underground love lair.” He says turning to you. You only blink back at him, a small smirk tugging at the corner of your lips.

“Okay, fine,” he huffs, clearly upset you won’t play along, but he gets it—whole world potentially ending and everything. “But it is my secret underground lair. Every superhero—or, anti-hero, in my case—needs one. Sure, Batman has his cave, Tony Stark has his fancy mansion, but me,” he thumbs his chest with a grin. 

“I’ve got a bunker, baby. Way cooler.” He winks playfully, grabbing your hand and leading you to the slightly crusty-looking sofa pressed against the wall.

“People thought I was nuts, but I planned for this whole dystopian thing ages ago. Call it my ‘just-in-case-the-world-goes-to-shit-and-I-need-to-hide-out-with-my-favorite-person’ bunker.” He gestures toward the kitchen. “Stocked with essentials: Raisin Bran, chimichangas, and—wait for it—pajama onesies. We’ve got a blue unicorn, a white one, a purple one, and a whole collection of Hello Kitty undies. Oh! And the entire Golden Girls DVD box set,” he adds, pointing at a dresser stacked with DVDs and an old TV stand.

He then gestures proudly to the back wall, packed with an insane amount of weaponry. “We’ve got bean bags, grenades, Korth Super Sport Revolvers, Wilson Combat EDC X9s, Beretta 92FS Fusions…” 

“Okay, I get it—you’ve got a lot of guns, babe,” you cut in, scanning the dimly lit space. It's rough, but you can tell he tried to make it somewhat livable.

“Thank you! I could’ve gone on forever.” He drapes an arm around your shoulders and walks you over to an area closed off by a curtain. With a flourish, he pulls it back, and your heart melts. “I-it’s not exactly home, but…”

You see that Wade has recreated your shared bed from home—favorite blankets, pillows, and even the sheets you love so much. The walls are decorated with photos of the two of you, Polaroids capturing goofy selfies and candid moments.

“Wade, are those my tits?!” you screech, pointing at a very questionable Polaroid.

“Whoops! No idea how that got there,” he says, ripping it off the wall and shoving it into his back pocket. “Let’s replace it.” He grabs another photo and sticks it up—a shot of his bare dick. 

“Half-mast,” he says with a smirk, patting the photo. “So you don’t miss me when I’m gone.” With that, he dramatically flops onto the bed, blankets billowing up around him.

“What do you mean, ‘when you’re gone?’” you ask, your voice softening as you slide onto the bed next to him, immediately resting your head on his chest. His arm wraps around you instinctively, pulling you closer in that familiar, protective way. Beneath the layers of humor and bravado, there’s always been something deeper with Wade—something he doesn’t say out loud.

He hesitates for a moment, his usual playful banter faltering. “Oh, you know... just in case I have to run out and save the world or do something *really* heroic, like buying more chimichangas. Super serious stuff.” His voice lightens, but you can tell there’s more beneath the surface, the words left unsaid.

You gently trace your fingers over the zipper of his hoodie, feeling the rise and fall of his chest beneath you. “Wade...”

He sighs, the weight of the moment catching up to him. “Look, babe. We both know the world’s gone to hell. I mean, have you seen outside? It’s a total dumpster fire out there.” His fingers absentmindedly play with a strand of your hair as he talks. “And in my line of work, well, there’s a pretty high chance I’ll have to go out there, guns blazing, and… you know, maybe not come back. But don’t worry, I’ll leave you the last chimichanga. It’ll probably be stale, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?”

You roll your eyes at his attempt to make light of the situation, but there’s a knot tightening in your chest. “You’re not going anywhere without me,” you mumble into his suit, holding him tighter. The idea of losing Wade, even in this chaotic, end-of-the-world scenario, is a thought you don’t want to entertain.

“Aw, babe, you know I’d never leave you behind. I mean, who else would make sure I don’t do something stupid like try to fight a sentient toaster again? You’re basically my safety net.” He grins, trying to break the tension, but his eyes give him away—there’s a flicker of something more vulnerable there.

The space around you, dimly lit by the flickering lights of the bunker, feels oddly intimate in this moment. You look around at the effort he’s put into this hideaway—the mismatched sheets that remind you of home, the Polaroids plastered on the walls, capturing your life together. Even the ridiculous weapons display on the far wall feels like an odd testament to how much he wants to protect you, how much he’s planned for every possible disaster.

“I didn’t just build this bunker for me, you know,” Wade murmurs, his voice unusually soft. “It was always about you. Us. I didn’t want to drag you into all my… crazy, but look at us now. Dystopian lovebirds, right?” He chuckles, but there’s a certain warmth behind his words.

You look up at him, meeting his eyes. “You’re not going anywhere. We’ll figure it out together—whatever ‘saving the world’ means today.” You reach up, cupping his face, feeling the rough texture of his skin beneath your fingertips, a reminder of all he’s been through. All the battles, the scars, and the fact that despite everything, he’s still here with you.

Wade gazes at you for a long moment, his usual bravado melting away as he leans in, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. “You’re too good for me, you know that?” he says, his voice barely a whisper.

You smirk. “Maybe. But you’ve got great taste in blankets,” you tease, pulling the fluffy fabric around you both, cocooning yourselves in warmth.

He chuckles, his arm tightening around you as he settles back into the pillows. “Damn straight. If the world’s gonna end, at least we’ll be cozy, right?” There’s a brief pause before he adds, almost as an afterthought, “Also, not to brag, but I do look fantastic in a unicorn onesie.”

You burst out laughing, the heaviness of the conversation lifting just a little, and Wade grins, clearly proud of himself for making you laugh.

“Okay, okay,” you say between giggles, “but seriously, we’re sticking together, right? No going off and playing hero without me.”

He nods, his expression softening as he strokes your hair. “You got it, babe. No solo hero gigs. We’re in this whole ‘dystopia survival’ thing together.” 

You let out a content sigh, resting your head back on his chest as his heartbeat thrums steadily beneath you. “Good,” you whisper, closing your eyes and savoring the moment of peace. Despite the world falling apart outside, in this little bunker, wrapped up with Wade, you feel safe.

“Besides,” he adds, his voice back to its usual playful tone, “how could I possibly leave when you’ve got a *killer* set of boobs and a healthy appreciation for my half-mast photos? I’d be an idiot.”

You groan, smacking his chest lightly, but you’re smiling, and that’s all Wade wants right now. “You’re impossible,” you mutter, but your heart is light again.

“And yet, you love me,” he quips, leaning down to kiss you on the top of your head. “So, unicorn onesie or Hello Kitty undies tomorrow? Gotta plan for our next ‘post-apocalyptic fashion show.’” You laugh but don’t say anything, instead just toying with the fabric on his chest. 

As you both lay there, wrapped up in the makeshift comfort of the bunker, the moment feels almost peaceful. But deep down, you know it’s only temporary. The world outside is falling apart, and Wade—despite all his jokes and deflections—has his part to play in it. 

“Hey, babe…” Wade’s voice cuts through the quiet, a note of seriousness creeping back in. “About that whole ‘not going anywhere without you’ thing?” His hand absentmindedly traces patterns on your back as he speaks.

You tense, instinctively knowing where this is going. You lift your head, looking up at him, your face inches from his. “Wade…”

“I know, I know,” he says quickly, trying to keep it light. “But, I gotta head out for a bit. You know, just a quick, heroic, ‘save the day’ kinda thing. Be back in a jiffy.” He tries to throw in a wink, but there’s something in his eyes that betrays the attempt at humor. 

“How long?” you ask, trying to keep your voice steady, but it’s hard not to feel the weight of the moment.

“Not long. A few days, tops,” he replies, sitting up and gently pulling you with him. “Just gotta check in with some ‘less friendly’ neighbors, make sure the whole ‘end of the world’ thing doesn’t get even worse.” His hand moves to your cheek, his thumb brushing softly over your skin. “But don’t worry, I’ve got a plan.”

“You always have a plan,” you say with a half-smile, trying to sound reassuring.

“Damn right I do,” Wade grins, but it’s softer this time. He pulls you in for a kiss, lingering just a little longer than usual. When he pulls back, his eyes are serious again. “Hey, I’ll call. Every night. Promise.”

You nod, trying to push down the unease rising in your chest. “You better.”

He kisses you once more, then with a quick, exaggerated salute, he hops off the bed, grabbing his weapons and gear in a flurry of movement. “I’ll be back before you know it. Save me some of those Raisin Bran boxes, will ya? Don’t go hogging all the cereal.”

With one last glance back at you, he’s out the door, leaving you alone in the dimly lit bunker.

A Few Days Later

The first few days without Wade pass slowly, the silence in the bunker oppressive without his constant banter and chaos to fill it. You’ve been waiting for his calls, clinging to the brief moments of contact, even if all you get is his voice crackling over the speaker.

And then tonight—finally—your phone buzzes. You grab it immediately, heart skipping a beat when you see his name flash across the screen. You pick up, the sound of his voice instantly soothing the tension you didn’t realize you’d been carrying.

“Hey there, hot stuff,” he purrs through the line, his voice lower and rougher than usual. “Miss me?”

“Maybe a little,” you tease, leaning back against the pillows, letting the warmth of his voice wash over you. “How’s the whole ‘saving the world’ thing going?”

“Ugh, overrated. Lots of running, shooting, not nearly enough hot dog carts. But let’s not talk about that. What’re you wearing?” His voice dips into that playful, flirtatious tone, and you can practically hear the smirk through the phone.

“Wade,” you roll your eyes, but a smile tugs at your lips. “I’m literally in one of your Hello Kitty onesies.”

There’s a pause, then a low, appreciative whistle. “Now that’s a visual. Wish I could see it, babe.” His voice deepens, taking on that familiar, sultry edge. “But I guess we’ll have to get creative, huh?”

Your pulse quickens at the change in his tone, warmth spreading through you as the playful conversation takes a turn. “Oh yeah? What exactly do you have in mind, Wade?”

“Well,” he drawls slowly, “I may not be there in person, but I’m pretty sure I can still make you squirm. What do you say we have a little fun, babe? You, me, and a whole lot of imagination…”

The spark between you flares to life, and as his voice wraps around you, you find yourself sinking into the moment, ready to close the distance between you—if only for a little while.

Your heart races as Wade’s voice lingers on the line, playful yet dark, and you can already tell where this is headed. The tension between you two, even across a phone, is undeniable.

“So, babe,” Wade purrs, his voice low and suggestive, “tell me… are you touching yourself yet?”

You can’t help but laugh softly at his directness. “Already jumping to the good part, huh?”

“Well, time’s a-tickin’ and I’ve got bullets to dodge, but I always make time for you. Besides,” his tone dips, slow and deliberate, “if I were there right now, I’d already have my hands all over you.”

Your breath catches a little, the way he says it making your pulse quicken. You lean back against the pillows, the soft fabric of the onesie brushing against your skin, but your thoughts are far from the cute outfit.

“Oh yeah? What exactly would you do, Wade?” you ask, your voice dropping a little, wanting to draw out the game just a bit longer.

His low chuckle vibrates through the phone. “First, I’d unzip that onesie of yours, real slow, because damn, I bet you look so sexy in it. I’d start at the top, pull that zipper down until it’s just barely clinging to your shoulders. I wanna see that skin, baby.”

You bite your lip, following his lead, your fingers trailing down the zipper of the onesie just as he describes. The fabric parts, revealing your chest, and even though Wade isn’t here, the image he’s painting is so vivid, it feels like he is.

“Are you doing it?” he asks, his voice husky with need. “Tell me what you’re feeling, babe. I wanna hear you.”

“I am,” you murmur, your voice soft, already feeling your body respond to his words. “The onesie’s almost off… feels good.”

“Mmm, I bet it does,” Wade groans through the line. “Now slide that thing off your shoulders, let it fall down your arms. God, I wish I was there, helping you out of it. I’d be kissing every inch of that skin, so fucking slow.”

You slip the onesie off, letting it pool around your waist as your fingers graze your bare skin. The way Wade’s voice dips into that raw, hungry tone sends a thrill through you, and you close your eyes, imagining him there, hovering above you, his rough hands tracing over your body.

“Are you touching yourself yet?” His voice takes on that teasing lilt again. “I need details, babe. Don’t leave me hanging.”

Your hand moves instinctively, trailing over your breasts, feeling your skin warm under your own touch. “Yeah, Wade,” you whisper, your breath a little shaky. “I’m touching myself.”

“Fuck,” he growls. “You know what I’d be doing right now? I’d be right there, kissing your neck, working my way down to those perfect tits. I’d take my time, sucking on those nipples until you’re begging for more.”

A soft moan escapes you, and you know he heard it because his laughter on the other end of the line is thick with satisfaction. “There’s my girl,” he breathes. “God, I love making you squirm. Are you wet for me yet?”

Your body reacts to the words, the heat spreading through you. “Yeah… I am.”

“Good,” Wade says, his voice low and gravelly. “Now, slip your hand between those legs. I want you to touch yourself the way I would. Make it slow, babe. Imagine it’s my fingers on you, working you just the way you like it.”s

You do as he says, your hand slipping lower, your body already aching for more. His words, that deep, dirty tone, only fuel the fire burning inside you.

“Fuck, babe, you have no idea how bad I want to be there. I’d have you spread out on that bed, legs wide open for me. I’d start by teasing you, just like this… soft touches, barely there, making you crave it until you can’t take it anymore.”

Your breath hitches as your fingers move, mimicking his words, teasing yourself, and imagining his hands instead of yours. The tension coils tighter with each movement.

“Wade,” you whisper, your voice trembling with need, “I need more.”

“Oh, you need more?” His voice is all taunting pleasure. “You gotta tell me, babe. Tell me exactly what you want.”

“I want you inside me,” you breathe, the words slipping out before you can stop them, your body already on fire.

“Fuck,” he groans, and you can practically hear him adjusting himself on the other end of the line. “God, I’d slide into you so slow. You’d feel every inch of me, stretching you, filling you up. I’d make you scream my name, babe.”

You moan softly, your fingers pressing deeper, following the rhythm he’s setting, your mind lost in the fantasy of him inside you.

“You close, babe?” Wade’s voice is hoarse, filled with desire. “I wanna hear you come. I wanna hear you fall apart for me.”

You’re right on the edge, the heat pooling low in your belly, your body tightening with every stroke, every dirty word falling from his lips. “I’m so close,” you gasp, your voice breathless, trembling.

“Good girl,” he growls, his voice dark and commanding. “Come for me, baby. Let go. I wanna hear every fucking sound you make.”

And that’s all it takes. Your body shudders as the release washes over you, your moans filling the quiet of the bunker as you ride out the waves of pleasure, your fingers slowing, your breath coming in ragged gasps.

“Fuck, that was hot,” Wade groans through the phone, clearly turned on by the sounds of your pleasure. “God, I wish I was there to see that. You’re so fucking sexy, babe.”

You lie there, spent and flushed, the heat still lingering in your veins, your chest rising and falling with the aftershocks of the orgasm. “Wade,” you murmur, smiling despite the exhaustion. “That was…”

“Epic? Mind-blowing? Something you’ll want to do again tomorrow night?” he offers with a chuckle, his tone lighter now but still thick with affection.

You laugh softly, shaking your head. “All of the above.”

“Good,” he says, the smirk evident in his voice. “Now get some rest, babe. I’ll be back soon. And then we can pick up where we left off… in person.”

You can’t help but grin, already looking forward to it. “You better come back in one piece.”

“I’ll try my best,” he teases. “But if not, I’ll always have my half-mast pic to keep you company.”

“But you know I need more,” you tease, a playful edge in your voice.

There’s a brief pause on the other end of the line, then Wade’s voice drops, lower and rougher. “Oh, trust me, babe. When I get back, you’re getting all of me. No holding back.”

You can’t help but smile, your heart warming at the promise in his tone. “I’ll hold you to that.”

“Good,” he purrs, “because I plan on giving you a lot more than just pictures when I’m done here. Stay safe, babe. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Stay safe, Wade,” you reply softly, feeling the warmth of his words even through the distance.

“I will. Now get some sleep… and dream of me.” There’s a pause, followed by a mischievous laugh. “And maybe that half-mast pic.”

You laugh softly, feeling lighter despite the ache of him being away. “Goodnight, Wade.”

“Night, babe,” he says, his voice soft and sincere for a moment before the line goes quiet. “My Sweet Sexy Apocalypse Babycakes.”

As the phone call ends, you lay there, staring up at the ceiling, already counting down the hours until he returns. The world outside may be falling apart, but somehow, in moments like this, it feels a little less daunting.

---

a/n: i luv feedback (GIVE IT TO ME)

[bruciemilf]

I NEED more Poolverstorm content!

MY TIME HAS COME!

minute ororo shows up Wade is instantly obsessed. It’s not even romantic at first, — man’s saw how badass, caring, compassionate , patient, powerful, capable and brave she was and immediately went ‘new bestie acquired’

Will never stop bullying Logan for not choosing her since day one. Sir. If you think Wade’s gonna let him fumble the same bag twice you are MISTAKEN—-

Every interaction they have shortens Logan’s immortality (his bisexual senses are tingling and he needs 2-7 business days to recover)

One of Logan’s favorite memories from childhood is snowball fighting, sledding, — everything involving winter.

Wade likes autumn because it gets him one step closer to Halloween and he can finally order the pumpkin mega blast from Starbucks without feeling guilty. Ororo makes both happen specifically

WADE MAKES HER LAUGH!!! SO MUCH!!!!

Whenever someone asks Logan why he puts up with it, he just shrugs, “He makes her laugh.” (He’s so in love with Wade it makes him look stupid)

Wade had to plan an entire thing to ask Roro out. It was supposed to be extremely extravagant and complicated and grandiose, but, Logan went to Ororo instead, cheeks slightly flushed, and groaned something like, “Idiot’s just trying to impress you. Just…Don’t laugh too much? “

She already planned on accepting it, but she’ll indulge them.

Roro starts wearing Logan’s dog tags once they start going out. Wade basically steals everything from shirts to belt buckles, boots, tank tops, some of her necklaces, scarves, heels

Wade being slightly insecure about taking off his mask around them. At least at first. He tries to accept and adapt, — but it’s hard, when dating the prettiest people in the entire world! After Hugh Jackman, at least.

Ororo gently kissing his bare cheek one day, — maybe he lost his mask while trying to clean, or maybe Laura took it for her and Ellie’s play pretend games. She gets right and Logan gets left. “I like this face.”

“Yeah. Well.” He laughs because he’ll cry if he doesn’t, “you’ve always had a thing for weirdos.”

“Shut up, bub.”

“Okay, fine! Hot weirdos.”

Wade explaining how they call marry Roro legally if they kidnap the pope:

Logan is their GUARD DOG!!! Missions? One breath away from their neck. Claws out and ready. Shopping? Arms crossed, scowl on, daring someone to bother them while Wade tries to justify a 400 dollar Lego pruchase.

“My darling. No.”

“But it’s the WOLVERINE collection, Ro!”

Ororo sighs and gives Logan a Look. “Talk some sense into your husband, please?”

“When he’s annoying he’s YOUR husband.”

Blind Al and Ororo? Best of friends. Mother in law/awesome wife who loves her weird ass sons. Would test Ororo at first, like, “You can have everyone in this world and you pick those two? Why?”

“Wisdom has been chasing them but those two can run.”

“…Come sit next to me. You like cocaine?”

“Um—“

“OOOkay, — mushy introductions over, Laura, grab Mary, we’re LEAVING—“

LAURA ELLIE KITTY JUBILEE MOMMY DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP WHEN!!!

Wade seeing how gentle Ororo is with the kids while still being firm, getting them in line when they don’t listen, but wrangling them expertly?

Ellie actually,,, ate her vegetables? Laura didn’t stab anyone over doing the dishes? Jubilee actually goes to sleep before 6 am?

“We have GOT to get her pregnant.”

Logan is so fucking tired. “I don’t think there’s a cure for whatever you’re on.”

“Alright, FINE. Get ME pregnant then.”

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

What do you think of the show's seeming obsession with everyone (the leads especially) being the best and the top? Like, Marinette's parents don't just run a good bakery, they run the Best Bakery in all of Paris! Kitty Section gets a record deal with the city's top producer! Marinette is the personal designer of Jagged Stone! Alya runs a super popular video blog! Max isn't just the resident smart kid, he can make AI with real feelings!

Oh, but actually, Marinette and Adrien are also top of the class (the webisodes straight-up state Adrien is best in class, surpassing Max and Sabrina, and Marinette gets top grades in Chameleon despite all the workload), because how dare our leads be not good at something?

And that's not getting into "Marinette and Adrien are the best LB and CN ever" stuff. That part is best chalked up to Tikki and Plagg being encouraging, because otherwise the show dunks on all the historical figures they made holders, all at once.

Anyway, with everyone in class being a) hyper talented and famous or b) related to some big nabob, it's not surprising that fans thought it was some elite private school. But no, it's apparently a regular state school (holy smokes, why would Andre and Gabriel send their children to a regular state school??)

That would work in a story where comical exaggeration was the absolute norm, but seems like Miraculous tries to be grotesque and realistic at the same time and fails at both.

Oh look, it's time to talk about Kim Possible again! Phineas and Ferb, too. I'll even use My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic to really drive this one home.

It's incredibly normal for episodic kids shows to have the cast be ridiculously talented and connected. They do this for a couple of reasons.

The first reason is that the characters are meant to be stagnant. Every episode stands alone so there's no time for true character growth. That means that the characters need to be their best selves right from day one. Kim Possible doesn't have time to let Kim learn to fight and be awesome. That's just her default state.

Small life lessons may be taught as we see in both Kim Possible and My Little Pony, but you can miss an episode and still understand the characters because those life lessons didn't really matter to the characters. They weren't there as part of some major character journey. They were there for the kids at home.

The second reason is that kids shows star kids and teens. You don't want adults to be too involved, but sometimes you want "adult" powers and so the kid and teen characters get ridiculous upgrades. A great example is Wade from Kim Possible. Wade is Kim's tech guy. He's also 10-years-old. Absurd? Yes, but they wanted Kim to have cool teach while also keeping the reoccurring hero cast mostly teens and kids and so we get Wade. Phineas and Ferb is another example of this. The titular characters are shown doing things like welding even though they're around 10. This happens because they need to have ridiculous skills for the show to work.

The third reason is that the more connected the characters are, the more stories you can tell. If Marinette's parents don't have a successful and popular bakery, then they can't be hired to cater major events like a movie premier. If Kitty Section isn't wildly successful, then they won't get invited to appear on TV.

This is why Kim Possible made Kim's dad a rocket scientist. It let the show use rockets and advanced tech in several episode. There's at least one where they go to space! The main character of My Little Pony is the student of the kingdom's ruler, allowing the show to include princesses and have plot lines around things ranging from royal balls to diplomatic missions. Things they couldn't do if it was just about some random ponies with no connections.

Some kids shows keep the characters more normal and stick to more realistic hijinks, but when your show is about magic and superheroes, it makes sense to go big.

The reason Miraculous' version of these things doesn't work for some people is probably because of our ever present issue: Miraculous feels too serialized. There's too much connective tissue for the characters to get away with being stagnant. The lessons they "learn" are too big to just go away never to be touched on again. They are not their best selves from day one. They actually do need to grow! This makes the things they're good at feel hollow to some because the show didn't set Marinette and Adrien up the way Kim Possible set up Kim and Ron or the way Phineas and Ferb set up its leads. The character's adult skills don't fit their very real flaws.

Similarly, the show has added all these celebrity connections and then done stuff that makes it feel like those connections should matter to the plot when that's not the way this is usually played. My Little Pony kept Princess Celestia well removed from the things Twilight and her friends were getting up to. It never felt like she should step in. She had a kingdom to run! The show also never treated Twilight's connection as a big deal. Celestia might be the country's ruler, but she's very down to earth. She doesn't feel all that special.

Meanwhile, in Miraculous, the celebrities are treated like celebrities, they often have close ties to the cast, and they are actively around, making it feel like they should play a part in the story at times. The big example is, as always, Lila's lies. Many of them should fall apart because of who the cast knows or, conversely, the cast shouldn't care about Lila's celebrity friends because they have those friends, too. Princess Fragrance was a season one episode and gave Rose a close friendship with Prince Ali that is confirmed to be ongoing in season four's Guiltrip, making it deeply confusing when Rose never catches on to Lila's bullshit. You're really telling me that Rose never once talked to her good friend Ali about her good friend Lila? Really? Rose? Little miss loves-to-talk-about-her-friends-and-how-much-she-love-them? Sure, writers. Sure.

In summary, the problem isn't that the characters are too cool, connected, and talented, it's how those ideas were executed. There are versions of the show where the characters are fine being the best things ever and versions of the show where those elements should have been toned back. I can't really say which canon should have done because canon is a mess of episodic stories and serialized elements that has no idea what it's trying to be.

[castielsprostate]

i love the thought of logan being obsessed with Halloween!!!!! him dressing up the apartment in all sorts of spooky decor!!! fake spider webs, hanging ghosts, bat cutouts everywhere!!!!!! he wears fake vampire fangs for the entirety of october (over his real kitty fangs)!!!!!!!! he makes wade turn on the spooky sexy mix anytime they fuck!!!!!! he gets SO much candy for the trick or treaters!!!!!! he helps laura pick out a fun costume and makes al play one of those sitting jump scare things that holds the candy bucket!!!!!

and then he sees kids dressed up as jean or scott or iron man or even himself and he smiles. a really, for real, smile, and gives those kids a bit of extra candy!!!!!

because halloween is the one day he can be normal, and isn't seen as a monster

[velvet4510]

A Very-Long Untangling Analysis of the Fox X-Men Continuity

Here’s my attempt at making sense of it all. All of my thoughts and ideas about continuity discrepancies and time travel piled up in one big info dump.

Please bear in mind that this interpretation is heavily biased in favor of the Days of Future Past Rogue Cut and against Apocalypse and Dark Phoenix, which hopefully won’t cause too much upset.

It also mentions Cherik as if it’s official canon because duh.

It also will cite links to various other posts I’ve made in the past which support my claims.

It also is gonna get long. Very long. Very very very very long. So proceed at your own risk.

So here’s my thesis:

The series depicts 8 separate timelines within 3 different universes.

UNIVERSE 1

Timeline 1: First Class (Charles & Erik are lovers in 1962; Moira recalls some events) ➡️ Origins: Wolverine ➡️ X-Men ➡️ X2 ➡️ The Last Stand ➡️ The Wolverine ➡️ Days of Future Past Rogue Cut dark future

Timeline 2 (overwrite of Timeline 1 starting in 1973): First Class (Charles & Erik are lovers in 1962; Moira recalls some events) ➡️ Days of Future Past Rogue Cut 1973 events ➡️ Erik remains true to himself in the aftermath ➡️ Days of Future Past new 2023 with history-teacher Logan

UNIVERSE 2

Timeline 3: Events similar to the OG trilogy ➡️ Deadpool ➡️ Deadpool 2 Original Events (Russell becomes a killer) ➡️ Logan ➡️ The New Mutants ➡️ Cable’s family dies ➡️ Laura gets pruned

Timeline 4 (divergence of Timeline 3): Deadpool ➡️ Deadpool 2 main events (Cable time-travels, Vanessa dies, Wade stops Russell and dies)

Timeline 5 (divergence of Timeline 4): Deadpool ➡️ Deadpool 2 climactic time-travel (Cable saves Wade)

Timeline 6 (divergence of Timeline 3): Deadpool ➡️ Deadpool 2 post-credits scene (Wade saves Vanessa) ➡️ Deadpool & Wolverine

UNIVERSE 3

Timeline 7: First Class (Charles & Erik remain just friends; Moira recalls nothing) ➡️ Events similar to OG trilogy ➡️ DOFP Theatrical Cut dark future

Timeline 8 (overwrite of Timeline 7 starting in 1973): First Class (Charles & Erik remain just friends; Moira recalls nothing) ➡️ DOFP Theatrical Cut 1973 events ➡️ Erik betrays his values and settles down with Magda ➡️ Apocalypse (part or all dream) ➡️ Dark Phoenix (dream)

Now I will elaborate.

TIMELINES VS UNIVERSES

First off, “timelines” and “universes” are confusing terms in Marvel. Some say they’re the same thing, others say they’re separate things. But I believe the ultimate answer to this question can be found in What If…? Season 1 Episode 4, in which the Ancient One creates a split that forms two timelines (and thus two variants of Dr. Strange) in one universe. Since this is canonically possible, I think it explains many of the X-Men series’ discrepancies.

THEY CANNOT ALL BE IN 1 UNIVERSE

Secondly, I’m sorry to Deadpool & Wolverine, but there is absolutely no way that every film in the Fox series takes place in the same universe. There are way too many inconsistencies for that to be possible. I know such a notion takes away a bit from the impact of Wade and Logan’s efforts to save that universe, and Logan replacing the anchor being, but still. It just doesn’t add up. The film’s events are direct follow-ups to DP 1 and 2, and to Logan. Wade’s universe is dying because of Logan’s death in Logan. OK, so those 4 films happen in the same universe for sure. But none of the other films do.

DIFFERENT TIME TRAVEL RULES

One major reason there are multiple universes at play here is that the series depicts two different kinds of time travel that have two different repercussions:

Kitty Pryde’s consciousness projection, which rewrites history

Cable’s device, which causes timeline branching and universe-hopping (just like MCU quantum time travel)

So Logan’s time travel in DOFP overwrote/erased his original timeline (the events of Origins, the OG trilogy, and The Wolverine) … whereas Cable’s time travel in DP 2 split his universe into multiple timelines. (This is proven by the fact that even though Wade lives in a timeline where Vanessa is alive in DP&W, the universe is still dying because of the events of Logan. So none of Cable’s time traveling in DP 2 overwrote/erased Logan.)

These are two different rules of time travel, which makes it all the more likely that they happen in different universes.

Therefore, any universe in which Logan time-traveled to stop the Sentinels is NOT the same universe as the DP/Logan universe.

OTHER CONTINUITY ISSUES

Wade is in his 30s in Origins, which is set in 1979 … and Wade is in his 30s in the DP films, which is set in the 2010s.

Warren Worthington III is 12 years old in 1996 at the beginning of The Last Stand and a young adult during the main events in the 2000s … and he is a young adult in 1983 in Apocalypse.

Colossus has an American accent in the OG trilogy and a Russian accent in the DP films.

Mutant children are seen thriving in 2023 at the end of DOFP, whereas in the world of Logan, mutants stopped being born in 2004.

Which brings me to one of my most major arguments here:

THE CONSEQUENCES OF LOGAN’S TIME TRAVEL

Logan’s time-travel in DOFP only changed history starting in 1973; everything that came before 1973 stayed exactly the same in that universe. So we cannot possibly say that DOFP caused Wade to be born decades later or Warren to be born decades earlier in its new timeline. That is impossible.

Also, the children at the end of DOFP are irrefutable proof that Logan did not wake up in a world where mutants have been dying out since 2004 and where he and Charles are destined to be killed by X-24. That is impossible.

Therefore, neither Apocalypse nor the DP films nor Logan can possibly take place in Universe 1 (the same universe as the OG trilogy or Origins).

WHAT ABOUT THE DISCREPANCIES IN FIRST CLASS?

DOFP firmly establishes that despite the continuity errors, First Class is absolutely a prequel to the OG trilogy and occurs in the same universe. In this post, I lay out in detail how the few plot holes between these films may be logically explained.

THE X-MEN’S CAMEO IN DEADPOOL 2

All I can say is this is obviously a meta joke created in Wade’s head for the audience. In no possible version of events do the ages of the X-Men in their brief cameo in this movie make any sense.

UNIVERSE 1 vs. UNIVERSE 2

Ok, so now we’ve firmly established that:

Universe 1 consists only of FC, Origins, the OG trilogy, Wolverine, and DOFP. Its history is fully rewritten starting in 1973, so in both versions of history, Wade Wilson is always born in the 1940s and thus in his 30s in 1979 … and Warren Worthington III is always born in the 1980s and thus a child in the 90s and adult in the 2000s. Colossus emigrates from Russia to the U.S. at an early age and grows up with an American accent.

Universe 2 consists only of DP 1, DP 2, Logan, and DP&W. There was no time-travel in this world, and yet no Sentinels were created. Instead, Transigen put mutation-killing poisoning in food, which drove mutants to near-extinction by 2029. This makes 14-year-old Russell in DP 2 one of the last mutants to be born before the poisoning took effect. Cable’s and Wade’s time-traveling created multiple branches, but they all coexist in this universe. Wade Wilson was born in the 1970s, and thus he’s a thirty-something in the 2010s. Colossus grew up in Russia and thus maintained a Russian accent. After escaping the Void, Laura relocated from her original timeline (Timeline 3) to Timeline 6, while staying in the same universe.

THE DIFFERENT CUTS OF DAYS OF FUTURE PAST

But wait, you may say. DOFP and Apocalypse also must exist in the same universe since Apocalypse is a direct sequel to the 1973 events of DOFP. So doesn’t Apocalypse have to happen in Universe 1, as well?

Well, here’s the explanation for that:

Consider the existence of two different cuts of DOFP: the theatrical cut and the Rogue Cut.

Also consider the alternate ending filmed for DOFP, in which Logan is pulled from the river in 1973 by the real Stryker, a perfect lead-in to him being Weapon X in Apocalypse … whereas the actual DOFP ending shows Raven rescuing him that day, which changed his fate and kept him out of Stryker’s hands.

If you go beyond the meta and think about the multiverse, it becomes extremely plausible to assume that there was more than one universe in which Logan time-traveled via Kitty to stop the Sentinels.

In one of these universes (which I’ve labeled Universe 1 out of my preference for the Rogue Cut), within the dark future, Kitty’s wounds forced Erik, Charles, and Bobby to rescue Rogue to replace her, Bobby was killed, the mansion was blown up, Rogue took over Kitty’s job, and Kitty pulled Erik through the wall back into the temple when the Sentinels attacked him. Meanwhile in the past, Raven chose to stop by the mansion, steal a moment with Hank, and break Cerebro on her way to DC. After DC, she went undercover as Stryker, rescued Logan from the river, and most likely sent him to safety at the mansion with Charles and Hank.

In the other universe (which I’ve labeled Universe 3), Kitty kept Logan in the past through to the end, Bobby stayed and died in the temple, and Blink sent Erik back into the temple with a portal. Meanwhile in the past, Raven flew directly from Paris to DC and Charles used Cerebro to deduce her destination. After DC, Raven went her own way, and Stryker himself pulled Logan from the river and turned him into Weapon X.

APOCALYPSE AND DARK PHOENIX AS MERE BAD DREAMS

Now you’ll also notice I wrote the word “dream” next to Apocalypse and Dark Phoenix in my outline of Universe 3. And here’s where the bias comes in. Apocalypse and Dark Phoenix make so little sense that, as I also mentioned in this post, I declare they are no more than bad dreams in Erik’s and Charles’ heads at some point after 1973 in Universe 3.

Dark Phoenix in particular, just unfolds like a dream. None of the characters’ actions make any logical sense based on what we know about them. It all just feels like Charles’ worst nightmare of being suddenly abandoned and betrayed by everyone he loves, via either death or rejection … because IT IS.

Apocalypse is more complicated. It’s not as bad as Dark Phoenix but it’s also pretty darn stupid in many ways.

I laid out in great detail in this post why Erik’s family plotline makes zero sense for his character, Cherik or no Cherik. This is why I wrote that in Universe 1, Erik “remains true to himself in the aftermath of DOFP.” This fic and this fic and this fic (none of which are mine) are examples of in-character behavior for Erik which I imagine resemble his post-DOFP actions in that reality.

I also feel it doesn’t make any sense that Peter isn’t already a student at the school in 1983. There’s literally no reason why Charles wouldn’t have sought him out as his first student when he reopened the school in 1973, after the events of DOFP. It’s totally implausible that it would take 10 years for Peter to get involved with the X-Men again.

The abomination that is the fridging of Magda and Nina speaks for itself.

The abomination that is Peter not telling Erik they’re related at the most opportune moment also speaks for itself.

So this movie might be entirely a dream as well; I’d be fine with that.

APOCALYPSE AS PARTIALLY A DREAM

However, I included Apocalypse in Universe 3 as possibly “part dream” for a few reasons.

Despite the film’s stupidity, I expressed in this post the missed opportunity that is Erik’s young zoolingual daughter Nina Górska. And in this post and this post, I expressed my fondness for a version of events where Nina survived and grew up thriving at the school with her siblings. Nina’s very existence stems from Erik behaving totally OOC after DOFP … and yet I can’t help but love her as her own character. If the writers were gonna make Erik behave in an OOC way for her to exist, then they should’ve gone all the way in letting her actually be a damn character.

I also expressed in this post how Erik settling down with someone who isn’t Charles makes very little sense if they got together during First Class. It could be somewhat more plausible if this is a version of events where they did NOT get together then.

I also mentioned in this post the inconsistency of Moira’s memories at the end of First Class and in Apocalypse. This could only be fixed by there being two different versions of events: one where Charles only erased some of her memories, and one where he erased all of them.

Which is why I labeled Universe 3 as containing “First Class (Charles & Erik remain just friends; Moira recalls nothing)” and “Erik betrays his values and settles down with Magda.”

It also could be that in Universe 3, the deleted scenes between Charles and Moira in First Class canonically happened, thus explaining his fixation on her in Apocalypse. In 1962, Charles & Erik remained on a river in Egypt, and Charles was with Moira. Thus in the 1970s, Erik finds himself capable of settling down with a random woman (even though my other reasons for this making no sense still stand, but for the sake of allowing for a world where Nina lives, I’ll let it go just for that).

NINA’S “DEATH”

Therefore, it’s somewhat possible that in Universe 3, the first third of Apocalypse is real, leading up to the moment Erik agrees to surrender himself to the Polish police.

From Nina’s death onward, the rest of the film is a nightmare of Erik’s, in which his mind envisions that he lost his beloved daughter that day and then was coerced by En Sabah Nur into becoming a mass murderer and hurting Charles and he never learned the truth about Peter.

If you think about it, Nina’s death scene in the film actually plays out like a nightmare would. Notice how even though she’s crying and screaming for her dad, she doesn’t move. She doesn’t struggle to pull away from her mom and run toward her dad. When her mom kneels in front of her, she doesn’t resist. No 8-year-old kid would be standing totally still in this situation, without flinching. Also Erik doesn’t make any more efforts to comfort her as she’s crying. He just silently stares at her, watching her scream, then silently stares at the attacking birds. Nor does Magda do anything effective; her words translate to “stop, Nina, stop!” No “we’ll be ok,” “he’s not gonna get hurt,” nothing that would actually calm Nina down. Then of course, the arrow hitting TWO people when the dude ISN’T EVEN LOOKING defies all logic and all reality. The whole thing only makes sense as Erik’s nightmare. We’ve all had those bad dreams where we want to move but we can’t, we’re frozen and unable to do what we want to do as something scary is coming at us. That’s exactly how Erik, Magda, and Nina all behave in this scene.

In reality, when Erik gave himself up in Universe 3, basically, the events of this fic unfolded. This isn’t my own fic, all credit belongs to its author WaxRhapsodic, but it is so unbelievably great that I declare it’s what really happened in this world.

To summarize, Nina was injured but not killed by the arrow that killed Magda, then Erik & Nina moved to the mansion, where Nina bonded closely with Charles and Peter, Wanda and Lorna joined the school, and Erik & Charles finally got together.

THE OG TRILOGY AND LOGAN

Lastly, you may notice I also put “events similar to the OG trilogy” in my outline of Universe 2. Why did I do this?

There are many hints in Logan that something similar to the OG trilogy happened in that world.

Charles references the Statue of Liberty incident from X-Men 1, which never happened in a world where Logan time-traveled.

In a deleted scene, Charles claims Logan was married to Jean before he killed her. This could be true or it could be Charles’ confusion in his dementia.

Jean’s absence from the story is glaring: considering her power level, it is quite unlikely that Charles could’ve killed her in the Westchester Incident.

Thus, in this world, the events of the OG trilogy including The Last Stand must have happened. But instead of Sentinels, humans weaponized the anti-mutant food poisoning to wipe out mutants once the cure proved to be a failure. So by the time of the Westchester Incident, Jean was already dead.

This explains Charles’ condition in Logan. His disease is not the result of mere old age. It is a result of 3 things:

The impact of the food poisoning on his mutation as well as his overall health.

His mind struggling to remain in harmony with his twin brother’s body which he inhabited in the post-credits scene of The Last Stand after the Phoenix destroyed his original body. (In Universe 1, the Sentinel apocalypse unfolded before the negative longterm side effects of his consciousness transference could take hold.)

Erik’s absence, which can only be explained by his death prior to the film’s events. In this post and this post, I theorize in more depth that his sudden death was the final straw for Charles’ mental health that triggered the Westchester Incident.

[catghoul31]

Mandatory Snuggles

Wade had to go on a mission for a bit too long, in Logan’s mind. For this terrible crime, he is sentenced to snuggle jail for 5,000 years.

(For @poolverine-week Day 6: feral behavior)

No CWs this time, besides light-hearted canon typical behavior

Read it under the cut or on ao3!

“Logan? I’m back! Just killed a shit ton of people so we can make rent this month!!”

Normally, Wade’s entrance would be greeted by at least some sort of acknowledgement from Logan. A grunt if he was tired, a once-over to check for injuries- at least, the ones that took longer than a few seconds to heal- maybe even a kiss? He was really hoping for that last option today, it had been quite the adventure…

Instead, he got Blind Al barely nodding at him, mumbling something under her breath about how she ever got herself into Wade’s fucked up life- but thanks for getting us money this time, sweetheart- and Mary Puppins jumping on his leg as she usually did. Wade welcomed both greetings, especially the latter as he scooped the wrinkly dog into his arms and let her lick the remaining blood off of him, but where was Wolvie? His precious peanut? The best mutant ever and the light of his life- he always greeted him at the door! Something was up today…

“Wolvie?” he called out, still to no response. Huh- maybe he’d fallen asleep. He probably should’ve thought about that, actually, it was quite likely… at least, it would be if this wasn’t an afternoon hit! Those were always risky as fuck, and it was Logan dutifully cooking dinner whenever he got home from one of those that always brightened his spirits afterwards. He was the best boy ever, always doing the most for him and their little family, and he’d take the claws in his chest every single time he reminded him- even when he was distracting him from said cooking- because it was true!!

An afternoon nap wasn’t out of the question, though. It wasn’t like Wade was mad at him for not cooking, he’d never asked him to in the first place! No matter how many times he told Logan that he didn’t owe him anything, he still worked as if he did… ‘Worst Wolverine’ my ass!! Still, though, this was a different routine, and that couldn’t ever mean anything good!! It could mean that his little honey badger was suffering, or worse. Logan… hated him? Logan wanted him to rot on the street now? After eight months of being his boyfriend?? What other reason would he have to not give him a kiss after work? Surely it must be true. Wade went to check their shared room, just to be sure, and-

Oh. Oh my god. He would’ve taken a picture of this if he could, but why did this have to be the day his phone broke??

In the middle of their bed was Logan, curled up and purring in a pile of Wade’s clothes. He was wearing a pair of his sweats to boot- and did I mention that the entire room smelled like Wolvie right now?? It was the best smell ever- to my nose, at least. If only AO3 had a scratch-and-sniff feature… Wouldn’t that be something? Anyways, he was purring away in the clothing pile, clutching desperately to one of his many plushies- it looked like Hops the Frog was the lucky guy today!- but he didn’t seem completely content. Or completely asleep, either. Poor Logan’s face looked all scrunched up, and he was writhing around trying to get comfortable- kinda like the first few nights they spent together! What was he doing? More importantly… how was his Wolvie feeling??

“Hey, baby boy,” Wade cooed innocently enough, but Logan’s eyes still shot open and locked with his, daring him to say a word. Or were they? He wasn’t moving from where he was- if anything, he’d pressed his face further into the flannel shirt it was next to, breathing deeply through his nose… Ohhh! Did his kitty miss him? Was that the problem? This would be a quick fix, then… if Wolvie would let him in without any claws right now, that is.

“I’m back! I mean, you can probably see me, can’t you? How… how are you feeling, Wolvie?” he asked in a much softer tone than he’d normally use in a situation like this. Logan let out a low, quiet groan, serving as his only response to that question… Wade took off his own mask, the slight dampness in Logan’s eyes now noticeable to him. Oh, poor kitty… He really hoped he didn’t worry him too much, with how long his job had gone today, but it seemed like it was too late for that now. Right now, Wade needed to help his scrunkly scrimblo pookie bear feel better… Did he know what any of those words meant? Nope! But they were all Logan nonetheless.

The sad ball of Wolverine on his bed turned around, trying his best to hide his face from the world, and especially Wade. He knew how this went by now, as Logan still thought this side of himself was weird and embarrassing to witness. When he’d told him that the first time, Wade laughed and kissed his forehead gently- he was the poster child of all things weird and embarrassing! Logan had absolutely nothing to worry about, especially not if his big, dark secret was this adorable.

“Aw, peanut- if you wanna talk about it, I’m always down for a trauma-dumping session! I can take a load of emotional release dripping down my neck and chest any day…” Logan huffed, turning around briefly to shoot Wade a glare before curling in on himself again. If only he knew how to talk to anyone like a normal person. “Or not! You can just sit there, all comfy like the big kitty cat you are, and I can go get us some chimichangas! How about that?” he asked, giving Logan a minute incase he wanted to respond…

Still nothing. Damn! Usually, calling Wolvie a kitty (y’know, because he IS!!) always got a response from him. Claws through his shoulder, a grumble of “stop calling me that” or “that’s not even close to what a wolverine is, Wade, doesn’t make any damn sense-“ it all depended on the mood, really. This afternoon, it didn’t seem like Logan wanted to do anything except bury his face as far into those pink-hearted pajama bottoms as he could. Couldn’t he do that while he was wearing them…? Well, not right now, he couldn’t. Because it was sad Wolvie hours, apparently. And it was all his fault, so if he didn’t want to talk about it or eat about it…

Wade leaned over the bed to touch Logan’s head, rubbing the hair there gently. “What does my little Wolvie want, hm?” he asked him, as though he was talking to their dog instead- just before two massive arms leapt forward and pinned Wade to Logan. “AHH!! Shit, Logi, you could’ve just asked!!” he yelped, trying to wriggle himself into a comfier position against the heavier man- to absolutely no avail. “Not that I would ever say no to you, of course…”

If Wade shifted his head just so- tilted it upwards as much as he could, with it being smushed against his shoulder by an insistent hand, he could see Logan, as cute and dangerous as ever. His expression was uncharacteristically soft, and how could Wade forget that gorgeous rumbling he felt against his own chest? His purring… so loud and deep today, it was like he’d been gone for a month or something! It always felt so good against his sore body, though, that it made him want to press up against a happy Wolverine until the end of time…

“There’s my Wolvie… Did you miss me? I know, how dare capitalism keep me away from you, but I’ll always come back! I literally can’t disappear forever, and you know it…” Wade yammered on with that same loving tone, going to scratch Logan’s fluffy beard once he got one of his hands free. His purrs only increased, leaning into his palm and rubbing his chin against it insistently.

Once his hand was acceptably covered in Wolvie scent, Logan pressed his face against Wade’s neck, rubbing against it over and over. Wade knew that Logan doing this was just as much to cover himself in Wade’s scent as to scent-mark him possessively, and his heart melted into a puddle every time he did it. Now that his hair was thoroughly within reach, Wade couldn’t resist playing with it, especially when it made Logan purr even louder… After a few seconds of them doing this- so much petting and nuzzling anyone could confuse this scene with the average hotel room of two AnthroCon attendees- the tension in Wolvie’s body seemed to loosen considerably, making Wade smile with relief.

He leaned down, kissing the top of Logan’s head several times in rapid succession. Wade’s heart could’ve exploded at the way they made Logan melt in his arms... “See? You are a kitty, Wolvie! So demanding of my attention… I wonder what would happen if I pulled away for juuust a second-“ As soon as Wade’s hand left Logan’s head, he felt a hand reach back to push it back down, claw tips sticking out and everything!! “Hehehe, yep, I knew it!! So needy… You couldn’t even wait for me to come back to smell me again?” Wade’s clothes were still strewn about around Logan, one of his shirts wrapped around his neck. Wade knew he wouldn’t be washing that one for a while...

When Wolvie pulled back, he held Wade’s face firmly with both of his big hands (paws!!) and kissed him roughly. Wade sighed happily at the rough show of affection, feeling the desperation in the way Logan licked at his lips and returning his feverish pace as they made out passionately. Usually, Logan would’ve been the first to pull away, but Wade had to push at the fluffy bastard’s chest after a long while to free himself. Maybe he could die of suffocation via Wolvie kisses another time!

What certainly wouldn’t do, though, was the look of shame that barely flashed across Wolvie’s face the moment their lips parted. Wade never wanted Logan to feel like he was being too much- au contraire, he could never have enough of him! “Wolvie, sweetie pumpkin, look at me…” He caressed Logan’s face as he did as he was told- good boy, such a sweet boy… Wade kissed his forehead, booping his nose with his thumb at the same time. “Love you, kitty,” he mumbled, and though he wouldn’t hear the words back for a couple more hours, the way Logan pressed himself to his chest told Wade all his heart needed to hear.

“Sorry for not texting back, by the way. My phone got smashed to bits by an evil landlord. Yes, I know that’s redundant, dear reader, but this one liked to curb-stomp puppies! Oh, it was bad…”

Logan just kept purring away in his arms as he spoke nonsense as usual, but in the distance, Wade heard Blind Al find the wreckage he’d left on the counter- “This is the third one this month, Wade! God damn it all…”

Much to her chagrin, neither Logan nor Wade could bring themselves to care right now.

[ichorai]

reset me ; wade wilson.

track twelve of BROKEN MACHINE.

pairing ; wade wilson (deadpool) x mutant!reader (gender-neutral)

synopsis ; charles sends you to recruit deadpool into the x-men. expectedly, the bastard tries to weasel away from you—and when that doesn’t work, he resorts to his most lethal method: flirtation. that, and taping a kick me sign on your back.

words ; 1.3k

themes ; comedy, mild fluff and action, mutant au

warnings / includes ; mild injury/violence, sexual jokes and foul language, a lil bit of banter/terrible flirting, reader has the mutant ability to harness energy into ropes, wade steals blind al's crocs, reader's implied previous romantic relationship with wolverine, mentions of the rest of the x-men :)

Wade’s place smelled like greasy pizza, put-out cigarettes, and old socks. The door wasn’t locked—in fact, it was slightly ajar, and you could clearly hear Wade and Al bickering about missing Crocs.

“I swear I put them right here!” she vehemently exclaimed, gesturing to a potted plant. 

Wade rolled his eyes. “Right—because you always hang your Crocs on our leafy greens.” 

Al shuffled somewhere into the back of the house, complaining loudly to herself. 

You took that as your cue to silently step in, standing just behind Wade, noting with mild amusement that he was wearing a pair of white Crocs. The very ones Al was searching for, you presumed.

In the blink of an eye, Wade whirled about on the heel of his squeaky, rubbery footwear and brandished a knife. Its strangely warm blade slotted against your throat just as you defensively raised your hands.

“Watch it, Wade,” you warned, though you were not at all worried. His knife lowered and flipped back into the depths of his fluffy bathrobe when he realized who you were. 

“Oh. It’s you,” he said. The discolored flesh of his face twitched with a grin. “Did Mr. Metal Dick send you? The bullwhip substitute to watch over the class?” He snickered at his own joke, recalling your mutant ability to harness energy into the form of ropes.

“Piotr is off on vacation with Kitty,” you replied, propping your hands up on your hips.

Wade tipped his head back and guffawed. “Do you think he stays that way under the sheets?”

With a grimace, you pinched the space between your brows and sighed loudly. “Jesus, Wade—I don’t fucking know. Why don’t you ask him next time you see him?”

“Good idea.” He shuffled off to shuck open a box of day-old pizza on the table. “You want?”

“No thanks.”

“You sure? It’s pepperoni. You know how expensive it is to get pepperoni nowadays, in this economy? I’m offering you gold flakes on bread, here.”

“Mhm, I’ll pass.” After a considerable silence, only filled with Wade’s loud munching, you tested the waters by saying, “Charles actually sent me.”

Wade gestured at a chair and nudged for you to take a seat. “McAvoy or Stewart?” 

“What? Charles Xavier, who’s McAvoy and Stewart?” You sank down onto the creaky wooden chair, frowning at the baby powder rimming the backboard. It was probably Al’s. Wouldn’t be surprised if it was Wade, though.

Ignoring your question, Wade tilted his head and asked, “How’s Yukio? And her emo-face Megasonic Nuclear Bomb-Head girlfriend?”

You smiled slightly, remembering how they were pestering Logan, who’d been working on fixing a motorcycle back at the mansion when you left. 

“They’re fine. Wolvie, too.”

“No way!” exclaimed Wade. “Logie’s there, too? Jesus—whole damn gang’s there.”

“Except you,” you pointedly said.

Wade paused mid-chew. “Oh. Oh-ho-ho, I know what you’re doing here. Charles wants me to join his rag-tag team of circus freaks.”

“Wade—”

“The answer is no.”

“Come on—”

“And he wants me to be around all those kids? In a school? Has he met me?”

“Believe me, I don’t know what he’s thinking, either,” you told him, scoffing. “You’re the last person I’d expect to be on the team but… I trust Charles. If he wants you in, there must be a reason why.”

Holding his hands out, Wade shook his head. “Listen, I’m flattered, really, but Deadpool works solo. Except for that one time I formed the X-Force. But that was a team of people I hand-picked! The X-Men just doesn’t sound up my alley, y’know?”

You blew out a breath and fixed him with a serious expression. “Some day you’re gonna have to pull your head out of your ass and realize that there are people out there who are willing to be your friends. Your family. Don’t throw it away, Wade.”

A muscle in his jaw ticked as he studied you. 

“You’re really bad with rejection, aren’t you?” he finally asked, quirking up a brow—or, at least where his eyebrow used to be—and crossed his arms. The Crocs he’d stolen from Al squeaked as he stood up and gestured to the door. “I’m surprised you didn’t go running back to Charles the moment I said no. I’m beginning to think you have a crush on me, or something. Not that I blame you. My face may be fucked but my dick works better than ever. Just ask Al. She’s blind as a bat, but she hears everything in this damn house.”

Immediately, you grimaced. “Ugh. Don’t be crass.”

“What? I thought you were into broken men. Like to pick up their pieces, don’cha? You and Wolvie had that fling once, no? He told me all about it.” 

In truth, Logan had told him little to nothing about his brief relationship with you, but Wade had ruthlessly pestered him anyway. 

You stiffened at his words, glowering. “You’re exasperating.”

“And you’re looking awfully lovely today. That frown really accentuates your eyes. Makes you look about a decade older.” Wade leaned his weight onto the table, leering over you, patting your back twice. “I find it very attractive.”

With a flick of your hand, a crimson coil of your harnessed energy shot out and thwacked him in his side, and he hissed out a string of curses, backing away from you. You’d burned right through his fluffy white robe, to his simultaneous dismay and astonishment.

“Jesus!” Wade glanced incredulously from you to the slight, shallow gash that formed by his ribs, already starting to heal itself. “That’s actually—that was so fucking cool. Do it again!”

Clearing your throat, you pushed yourself away and stood up. “Final time I’m asking. Yes or no?”

Wade pretended to give it a long, hard think. “Mmh…” He wrinkled his nose. “No.”

“Fine,” you said, rolling your eyes up to the ceiling. “When Piotr comes back from vacation, he’s going to find you and he’s not gonna go as easy on you as I have.”

“Ooh, ouch. Hope he brings some lube with him.” Wade grinned wolfishly.

Completely fed up with him, you ripped out a wad of paper and a pen from your jacket’s pocket, scribbling down your phone number. You folded it in half before shoving it against his chest.

“I’m not giving up on you. I’m a competitive person, Wade. If Piotr was the one to convince you to join, I just wouldn’t be able to bear it.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re literally obsessed with me, I get it,” he remarked, sparing you a lopsided beam. He made a show of pocketing your number on the side of his robe that wasn’t burnt. “You little minx, you.”

With a final flick of your hand, you lashed out another coil around his foot, and made your way to the door just as he fell back onto the couch with a muffled oomf! 

Just as you left, you heard Wade cackling to himself through the door you left partially ajar, just as it was when you came in. You chalked it up to him finding it funny that you managed to trip him over with your powers, and strode away from the shoddy house with your lips twitching upwards. 

Wade, however, was laughing because he’d successfully pulled off taping a kick me sign onto your back without you noticing. A low and childish blow, but would certainly make for some fun banter whenever he saw you again—which, he suspected, would be pretty soon.

Plus, Wade thought you were pretty cute when you were riled up.

[julihlaufey]

Conversations On The Roof

✧⁠*⁠。A hero doesn't always have a good day. And on one of your worst days, there's nothing better than a rooftop conversation with Deadpool to make you sleep better. ✧⁠*⁠。

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Obs: This is my first work in English. You can also find it in Portuguese on the profile if you want. Good reading! ⁠♡

Female Reader/Sfw

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The nights in the city could sometimes be quite cold, especially after a day of work.

If your practices could even be called that, you didn’t receive any rewards for your actions, but to be honest, you were used to it by now. The big thing about being a hero was that you never got paid for your deeds. And if you ever messed up or slipped, all the "thank you" smiles for saving the day would fade, and the judgmental looks would appear. That was just another one of those days. You were sitting on the roof of a house near your favorite restaurant.

A place where only extremely "healthy" foods were sold. Perfect for the end of days like these. Your feet dangled against the wind, brushing the suit that covered you from head to toe.

Your hands were too busy savoring that masterpiece of cheese and grease that was your snack. And your dreams were too lost in watching the people flocking into the small restaurant to notice you were no longer alone.

— And another tough day for our Spidergirl. One more for the list!

Wade.

— How many times do I have to tell you. I don't use that name?!

— Então qual é o nome do seu herói? — Ele perguntou, já sabendo a resposta.

— ... Ainda não sei. Mas eu vou decidir. - Você olha para o lado, vendo-o rir por baixo da máscara e sentar-se ao seu lado de forma preguiçosa.

— This time I remembered to ask for extra mustard. - You said, handing over his still-wrapped sandwich.

— E queijo extra? — perguntou Deadpool, animado por depois de tantas vezes, você finalmente ter se lembrado.

— Wasn't it without? - You replied, watching the smile on his face disappear instantly. — Just kidding, extra cheese.

He gave you a playful punch on the arm, starting his meal. His legs swung carelessly.

— Looks like my day was a piece of crap, but yours was wonderful.

— You say that because I didn't try shoving you of the roof today or because my legs are swinging?

You roll your eyes.

— Because of the legs.

— Nah, it was crap. The idiot of the day found out I was coming and holed up in a panic room. The son of a bitch even mocked me through the security camera, can you believe it? - He said, pulling his mask up above his eyes this time, staring at you.

— And you couldn't get through a little panic room?

— I'm a mercenary, my love, not a magician. Unless you want me to be. - He added in a suggestive tone, leaning closer. You're lost count of how many times you rolled your eyes around Wade.

But surprisingly, those provocations and confident laughs were the best part of your day.

— But no. I didn't get that jerk. It's for next time. And you? Couldn't save the kitty from the tree?

— No. He suffocated on the rope in front of his ten-year-old owner.

He stared at you. For a moment, Wade thought it might be true, but he quickly caught on.

— Got it. My target escaped, but it was very hard. His son had to die, and he watched through the camera, unable to do anything.

— The little girl went into shock until her mom arrived, having to see him bloody and hanging.

— The boy was carrying a little truck. The father must have given it to him before I arrived.

— The little girl ended up hospitalized, and they don't know if she'll ever recover from the trauma.

— ... There was a baby and-

— No.

— Damn. - Deadpool slapped his leg in defeat. — But seriously, did you get the cat?

— Screw you. It was a fire case. The couple arrived, and the house was engulfed in smoke. I only managed to get the kid out.

— Isn't that good? You stopped a brat from dying. That's pretty sexy to me. You chuckled weakly at his infamous attempt to lighten the mood.

— They asked me to try to get to the safe. The couple's savings were there, and he had just lost his job.

— They can get the money back, darling. You weren't that bad.

— She's eight months pregnant, Wade. - You said, with a heavy voice. It wasn't easy to recall that stressful afternoon.

— ... Yeah, you got me there. And unfortunately, not in the way I wanted.

Rolling your eyes with a weak smile, you took a sip of your soda.— But look. You're a hero, you had to save their lives. Isn't that the hero's deal? The bad guy, the fire, was stopped, and the victims, the family, were saved. You did everything you could, cupcake.

— You're not used to failing and then having people look at you and curse like you're the worst person in the world...

— Ah, believe me, sweetie. Whether I kill, don't kill, or don't even show up at all, I get cursed.

You smiled faintly. Wade's jokes could usually cheer you up, and you truly appreciated his attempts to lift your spirits. But that day, things were a bit deeper.

Deadpool noticed, seeing that you didn't react as usual to his jokes. Crumpling the brown sandwich bag, he tossed it aside, giving his drink one last sip and patting his thigh twice.

You turned your head, confused.— Come on. Don't be afraid, I swear I don't bite. Unless you ask.

Laughing a little and rolling your eyes for the twentieth time that night, you accepted, resting your head on his leg.

— It's comfortable. - You commented impulsively.

— Thanks, I work out. I promise it gets even better higher up.

Feeling a slap on his knee, Wade laughed, taking off his mask completely. You felt his hand still warm through the glove, moving your hood aside and stroking your hair.

— Now, do you prefer a bedtime story about unicorns or how I beheaded a guy yesterday?

The soft touch. The calming breath that synchronized with his laugh as Wade tried to recount his work yesterday as if it were a fairy tale. Your eyes began to blur at each streetlight.

Your head relaxed and rested its weight on Wilson's lap. Maybe after a tiring and stressful day, all you needed was a session of Wade talking non-stop until you fell asleep.