#its been a tough year but ive been wanting to come back for a very long time

[pocket-penny]

"I've been practicing this game called League of Legends. It's very fun!" - Pocket-Penny

[princessmyriad]

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[ghostxrose]

Thanks for answering my request so fast! Nobody's answered me so fast, even if you didn't write anything. It's fine, though!! Maybe I'll change my request? How about, an angst (of course) where female reader and Bakugou are married and have kids (doesn't matter how much or how old) but it turns out, Bakugou has been cheating (angst ending pls, unless you don't want) on Yn for a while now?

Ive been looking for something like this recently but never found it!

Thanks! 😘😘

Thank you so much for the ask, Lovely! I'm sorry that it took so long for me to answer, but I hope that I excuted the idea well. If I'm being honest, I had some trouble with this idea. Cheating isn't something I write about, but I hope that you get your fill of angst, haha.. Anyway, much love and appreciation, Lovely!

Earth Shattering | Bakugo Katsuki & Reader

You gaze out of the window of your parent’s dining room, gently rocking the half asleep one-year-old in your arms. It’s warm and sunny outside, but even the sun’s rays can’t melt away the cold feeling at the back of your mind of something being off. Life has been going well, you have everything you could ever want, but still that voice of intuition won’t quit its whispering.

“He hasn’t been with you three when you’ve come by for these lunches in ages. Your father and I just miss seeing our son-in-law, that’s all, hunny.” Your mother says with a touch of concern in her tone.

“He’s the country’s Number Two Hero, Mom. He has a busy schedule and he’s exhausted during his days off.” You say, giving her the same tired excuse that you’ve been giving her for nearly a year now.

Your gaze shifts to the bubbly three-year-old giggling and babbling nonsense to your father. A small smile pulls at your lips and something in your chest warms while simultaneously aching.

Truthfully, Katsuki has barely had time for the three of you. Your poor husband is always either out on the streets fighting demented villains or ends up staying late at his office drowning in paperwork. It’s put a bit of a strain of your relationship, but you know that he can’t do much about his work schedule, so you tough it out.

As much as you would have liked for him to come with you to your parent’s house today, you had seen just how exhausted he was. So you told him to spend his day off resting while you and the kids were out of the house for the day. He had asked multiple times if you would be fine handling them, if you were sure about him staying home. He knows that being a stay at home mom can be draining at the very least and you appreciate him wanting to help out. But you had reassured him over and over that you would be fine and told him to just relax as much as he could.

You can admit to yourself that you have been feeling frazzled these days.. It’s no easy task for one person to take care of a rambunctious three-year-old along with a fussy one-year-old. But you do it every day with a smile, even if some days that smile is a bit forced or strained.

“I know, hun,” your mother says softly, walking up to you with a warm smile on her face. She looks down and coos quietly at the sleeping baby in your arms. A more easy smile graces your face and you follow your mother to the couch to sit down.

You talk with your parents for a few more hours. It’s all general conversation and talks about taking the kids out to fun places. You feel slightly more sane on days like this, days where there’s other adults to talk with. Even chatting about mundane things like the weather feels good compared to the constant drone of kids cartoons and baby cries.

You love your kids, of course you do. They’re both the perfect mix of you and Katsuki in looks and personalities. Starting a family had been something you and Katsuki had talked about for a long time after you started dating. When your first child had been born the joy and light in your husband’s eyes was unmatched to any other feeling.

Admittedly, your second child had been an accident.. The result of the night Katsuki had been named Number Two. A night which you hardly remember except that you both had too much champagne and you forgot to take your birth control. But your second child entered the world with a warm and loving welcome from you and Katsuki.

You look over at the clock on the wall and let out a quiet sigh, “Looks like we should head out. It’s getting close to dinner time and I think Kats said he was going to make curry.”

“Alright, sweetie. We’ll help you load up the munchkins,” your father says as he stands up, your tired and fussy three-year-old sleepily clinging to him.

You buckle your one-year-old into their carrier, then grab the diaper bag. Your mother walks out of the kitchen with a container of spiced cookies, one of Katsuki’s favorites, and flashes you a smile. You give her an appreciative smile, then you all file out of the door to your car.

It’s a challenge for your father trying to buckle up your worn-out and inconsolable three-year-old, but the task gets completed. Once your kids are buckled in and everything has been secured in place you turn the car on, then make your way back to your parents. You hug them both, thank them for a nice day, and tell them you’ll try to get Katsuki to come with next time. By the time you slide into the driver’s seat of your car, your once inconsolable three-year-old is passed out and your one-year-old peacefully stares out the window.

The drive home is filled with you quietly humming along with the radio and trying to ignore the sudden and heavy feeling developing in the pit of your stomach. Your mind can’t provide a reason behind the feeling, so you just brush it off. You move with the flow of traffic until you eventually slow to pull into your driveway.

The security gate is already open and the feeling that’s been sitting like a rock in your stomach churns. Pulling up to the house the sight of an unfamiliar car parked in front of your garage is unavoidable. Your body begins to tremble as a million scenarios race through your mind, the top one being that somebody has broken into your home. You put your car in park, leaving it running but turning off the radio. A quick glance in your rear view mirror tells you that both of your children are sleeping.

Panic surges through you as you try to think about what to do. You pull your phone out of your purse and dial Katsuki’s number. It rings for what feels like forever until you get Katsuki’s voicemail. You try calling him a couple more times, but you keep getting his voicemail. Trying to school your breathing so that you don’t wake your children, you call Izuku and luckily he picks up on the first ring.

“Hey, Y/N! What’s up?” Izuku asks with his usual cheerfulness.

“Hey, Izuku. I’m, uhm, I’m kind of freaking out right now,” you say quietly, your eyes darting between your house and the view of your children in the rear view mirror.

“What’s going on?” Izuku’s tone quickly becomes serious and concerned.

“I-I just got home with the kids and the gate was open and there’s a car here that I’ve never seen before.. Katsuki isn’t answering his phone and I don’t know if he’s okay a-and I don’t know what-” Your words rush out of you and despite your best efforts your breathing picks up and tears sting at your eyes.

“I’m on my way right now, just stay in your car, okay? Do you have the doors locked?” There’s the sound of a door closing in the background as Izuku talks to you and a bit of relief fills you.

“Y-yeah.. What if.. what if Katsuki’s hurt, Izuku? What if a villain found out where we live o-or this is a robbery and they have weapons? I-I don’t.. I-I c-can’t..” You bring a hand up to muffle the cry that’s crawled up your throat and your watery eyes look into the mirror again.

“I’m almost there, Y/N. It’s all going to be okay. I’ll find out what’s going on and everything will be just fine.” Izuku tries his best to reassure you, but your stomach still churns with a now sickening feeling and all you can respond with is a weak “okay.”

It doesn’t take long for Iuzku’s car to tear into the driveway, your friend parking haphazardly a few feet away from you. He quickly gets out of his car and flashes you his signature smile before rushing to your front door. You watch him disappear inside and your emotions build up until you feel like you’re going to explode.

Suddenly, the front door is thrown open and a shaken-looking woman rushes out. Her hair is messy, her clothes look like hastily thrown on, and she looks a bit scared. She closes the door behind her and starts to head toward the car parked in front of your garage. Her eyes flit around until they land on your car, and your shocked gaze meets hers. The woman’s eyes widen and she practically runs to her car, quickly getting inside then peeling out of your driveway.

Your shocked mind suddenly goes blank and a numb-feeling spreads through your entire being. With one last look back at your sleeping babies, you get out of your car. You close the door of the running vehicle as slowly and quietly as you can. Mom-guilt about leaving your children in the car eats at the back of your mind as you make your way to the front door.

As soon as you open it you hear shouting coming from down the hall where your bedroom is at. You feel nauseous now and stomach acid burns at the back of your throat as you step further into the house.

“Don’t fucking tell her, Izuku! Sh-she doesn’t need to know! Th-the other women were just stress relief, I still love Y/N!” You hear Katsuki shout at Izuku and it takes conscious effort not to puke your shattered heart out.

You’re sure you’re wearing the same look of horrified shock as Katsuki when you get to the doorway of you and your husband’s bedroom. His is riddled with guilt, though, as your tear-filled eyes meet his. Izuku is at your side in an instant, letting you lean against him as your knees threaten to give out. The silence filling the room is tense, heavy, and suffocating as you take in your husband’s appearance. He’s nearly naked except for a pair of boxers, his hair is messier than usual, and he looks sweaty.

Your swallow dryly and straighten up, “Izuku, can the kids stay with you and Ochako for the night?” Your voice comes out surprisingly even given the situation.

“Y-yeah.. Y/N-” Izuku stutters in his reply, but you cut him off before he can speak further.

“Everything they should need is in the diaper bag in the back of my car. Call if there’s any problems or you guys need anything. Thank you.” You say a bit firmly as you fight to keep your composure.

Katsuki just stands there silently gaping and looking at you with an almost unreadable mix of emotions. You can’t help the trembling of your lip or the tears that continue to spill from your eyes as you stare right back at him. A horrible pain shoots through your chest and it really feels like you can feel your heart breaking. Izuku squeezes your shoulder before silently leaving and you wait until you hear the front door close before letting your composure crumble.

Gut-wrenching sobs are ripped from your chest and your legs finally give up on keeping you standing. You wail into your hands as painful heartbreak and rage consume you.

Katsuki arms are suddenly wrapping around you, “Y/N, baby, I-I’m so sorry! I-”

“Don’t fucking touch me!” You scream as you shove him off of you and crawl backwards away from him. “Take a fucking shower, then meet me out in the living room. I’m not talking to you in the same room you fucked other people! Unless you fucked them on the couch too?! You know what, I’ll be in the damn kitchen! It’s probably safe since you’ve refused to even fuck me in there!”

You’re quick to get up and leave the bedroom, slamming the door behind you before Katsuki could even get another word in. You sob as you make your way to the kitchen, the sight of half-eaten take out boxes sitting on the counter pushing you further over the edge. You barely make it to the trash before the contents of your stomach make their reappearance.

After cleaning yourself up and rinsing your mouth out with some water, you sit at the table and wait in the deathly silence. Too many thoughts run through your mind as you try to figure out if this is reality or not. Your mind supplies you with the reminder of how you noticed Katsuki’s behavior change not long after he had hit Number Two. How he seemed to have more late nights at the office during your second pregnancy, and even after the birth of your baby. How his days off were either spent here at the house by himself or the two of you doing your own things around the house.

The worst thought your mind supplied you is how rarely you were intimate with Katsuki anymore. You had just brushed it off as his sex-drive lowering because of the busy life you both lived. You never would have thought that he was getting his pleasure from other women while you were blissfully unaware and having to pleasure yourself..

You flinch at the sound of the bedroom door closing and your chest aches with every footstep approaching. The sound of the chair across from you being pulled away from the table makes you cringe as the feet of it scrape along the floor. You can feel Katsuki’s gaze on you, see his arms resting against the table top from your peripheral vision. You stare down at the spot on the table in front of you for another moment until you gather the courage to look him in the eyes.

“How long?” You ask quietly, your voice shaking.

Katsuki bites his bottom lip and his eyes shift down to his hands, “Please, Y/N.. I-I fucked up, I was a damn idiot, but please we can work-”

“How long, Katsuki? How long have you been screwing other women while I take care of our children? While I clean our house! While I do your laundry! How long have you been fucking other women in our bed while I’ve been playing loyal wife?!” You ask with such a bitterness and rage that Katsuki flinches.

“..it started a couple months after we found you were pregnant again.. " Katsuki admits quietly, his fists clenched and guilt written all over his face.

You choke on a muffled sob and your mind surges back to to the first message you had gotten from him telling you that he was staying late at work. Every single other message flashes through your mind until you’re reminded that he eventually just stopped sending them and left you to assume.

“..Wh-why? Di-did I do something? Wh-when did I become not enough for you?” You ask brokenly as you wonder how your heart is still beating even though it feels like it should be failing.

“Baby.. Y/N, y-you didn’t do anything.. not on purpose. Y-Your body was so sensitive when you were pregnant, it seemed like every little touch caused you pain.. A-and your mood swings were so constantly changing and I didn’t want to take my frustration out on you because you were carrying my fuckin’ child, so I just bottled it up..” Katsuki tries to explain, but his excuses are poor at best and rage burns in your veins.

“So instead of talking to me about it, instead of having a conversation with your wife, you chose to cheat?” You ask incredulous and hurt.

Katsuki clenches his jaw, his tell-tell signs of anger appearing on his features, “It felt like my wife didn’t want me around, let alone touch me! So, yes, I took advantage of the fact that women willingly throw themselves at me and I got my rocks off that way!”

You flinch as if his words are physical blows and another sob tears from your chest, “You tore apart our lives just to get your dick wet? I am so sorry that my difficult pregnancy pushed you to such an option. I am so sorry that I was so sore that even wearing clothes hurt. I am so sorry that I was so full of hormones that the mood swings that made me feel like shit, made you feel so unwanted. I am so sorry, Katsuki, that carrying, birthing, then caring for both of your children forced you to go put your dick in other pussies!”

Katsuki lets out a frustrated growl, his own anger firing up, “Christ, Y/N, I’m sorry! I’ll be sorry for the rest of my fucking life! I’m sorry that I wasn’t better, but I can be better! I won’t touch another woman again, I promise you! We can work through this, I still love you, damn it!”

A dry, humorless laugh bubbles out of your mouth and you can’t breathe for a moment. Katsuki pants across from you, caught up in his emotion, and stares at you bewildered.

“You’ve made promises, Katsuki,” you spit once you’ve caught your breath. “You stood across from me at that damn alter five years ago, said the same vows that I did. We made the same promises for each other, but the difference now is that I upheld mine! We can’t work through this, I don’t trust you anymore! You’ve single-handedly burned us to the ground-”

“Don’t, baby, please! Don’t say what I think you’re gonna say,” Katsuki begs as he half stands from his chair to try to reach across the table for you.

You push away from the table, standing fully from your chair and looking at Katsuki with anger and hurt, “We’re done, Katsuki, I want a divorce. In the mean time, the kids and I will be staying at my parent’s house. Don’t bother wasting your efforts trying to fix the shit you’ve broken. We are done.”

You leave Katsuki half hunched over the table stunned with tears in his eyes. You rush to the bedroom and hastily throw articles of clothing into a suit case. You grab a couple pairs of shoes, then quickly leave the bedroom nearly running into your husb- Katsuki. You shove past him as he starts spilling apologies and pleas for you to stay. Every weak grasp on your arm or wrist is met with you wrenching yourself away from him.

Ripping open the front door you rush to your car, throwing your little bit of belongings into the back seat. You climb into the driver’s seat and turn the car on, taking the picture of you and Katsuki off of your sun visor and throwing out of the window. As you back your car up to turn it around, you catch sight of Katsuki one more time. He’s standing on the front porch with guilt, shame, and sadness on his face. Tears cascade down from the eyes that you used to find so beautiful and you have to will yourself not to put the car in park and go running back into his arms.

Your tires screech as you pull out of the driveway, but it doesn’t cover up the sound of you screaming your heart break at your windshield. Tears pour down your face and hinder your vision as you try to maneuver through traffic. You’re desperate to see your babies, to hug them and tell them that you love them and that you’re sorry for what their future is going to become. You’re also desperate for someone’s comfort, whether it be your parents or Izuku and Ochako. You need a shoulder to cry on, a pillow to scream into, and maybe a stiff drink or two.

As you scream, sob, beat your steering wheel, and drive a bit haphazardly, too many thoughts flood your mind. Why would he do this to you? How could he do this to you? Why weren’t you enough? What more could you have done? Is this all actually happening? Is this really your reality?

“This is my reality..” You say aloud hoarsely as you sit in your car looking at Izuku and Ochako’s front door. Your body is simultaneously numb and aching all over. Your mind has finally gone blank, but it’s in the worst way possible. Tears still roll down your face and you sniffle every now and then as you continue dazedly staring.

How is it that your entire world can shatter within the span of a day?

Sorry if it wasn't angsty enough! But I hope that you stick around for future angst! I really cannot thank you enough for the ask/request, it means a lot to me that you'd want to reach out to me at all! My hope is to start interacting with my readers more, so I hope that others see this and want to follow your lead!

Hope you enjoyed the read and keep being amazing, Lovely! <3

[oddverse]

If there’s one thing about Pesci Prosciutto could never figure out, it’s the idea of why. Specifically, why does he dress like that?

Prosciutto’s many years as a gangster told him that to be feared, you have to look scary. To be dangerous, you have to look dangerous. That’s why he kept himself so clean all the time. What, with his well manicured, tied back blond hair, fashionable suit, and dangling gold necklace of course. He learned he had to be like this, because no one takes you seriously if you look stupid.

With the rest of his gang, it seems they learned this too. Everyone looked sharp and deadly, like a set of knives. Ghiaccio dressed very literal to the name, Melone’s style is more seductive and tempting, Risotto has his strength and eyes to do the job, hell, even Illuso and Formaggio had their styles show their danger.

But here comes Pesci! In his self-made self-botched Mohawk, old fur coat he must have worn for years, and in a heart covered jumpsuit. What is this, yoga hour? He should be on the treadmill, not on a mission!

Doesn’t he know you have to dress like this for a reason? Seriously, it’s like he doesn’t even want to try and look dangerous! He doesn’t dress to benefit his strong frame, he doesn’t dress to represent his precise stand, he doesn’t even dress to at LEAST look menacing!

Prosciutto knows Pesci is strong. He knows that he could lift a stone column like a bar of lumber. He knows he can snatch the cork off a one bottle in one piece. But he doesn’t dress like he can and as a result, the rest of the team bullies him for it! He looks weak, so they view him like he’s weak!

You dress to demonstrate you’re tough. Prosciutto thought every man in Italy knew this by now. He was SURE his father should have taught him this lesson by now. I mean, hell, prosciutto didn’t even HAVE one and he learned this. So why does he dress like that? What is he hiding? IS he hiding anything?

Your clothes are for other people so they can’t see your insides. If your insides are weak, you dress like you’re strong. If your insides are strong, you dress like you’re strong. You dress strong no matter what. You have to. Good dressings are strength. Strength is respect. And if you do not play the part, you are kicked out of the show.

IM SORRY for the wait on a reply ive just been hoarding this message all to myself trying to come up with a good response. Ive probably reread it a dozen times because its such a vivid description, and i just know Prosciutto HATES that jumpsuit. (Aside from the designer coat Pros insisted upon) He cant even look at it for long because he'll just give himself a headache trying to figure out the enigma that is Pesci. Take Risotto for example, its extreme but it sends a message, he should be trying to accomplish that!

Prosciutto wants to see the razor wire that Pesci is hiding. He knows its naivete, or just obliviousness to the precariousness that hes found himself in, Prosciutto knows Pesci thinks there will be an escape, an opportunity to leave this life far far behind, he knows thats why he wont/cant kill, hed be stuck then, the point of no return, Prosciutto also knows thats not going to be a very sustainable belief for long. Pesci has already proved to be worth the trouble however, like you said "Prosciutto knows Pesci is strong." and knowing the long road ahead of his subordinate maybe he can afford to show a little mercy in his fashion choices too.

i also know melone loves that jumpsuit

[spacedlexi]

Wait, people think Carver is the best TWDG villain?? I always thought he was basic as hell, and the fact that he was beefing with an 11-years old girl... Now Stranger on the other hand was great, he was super intimidating and off-putting and I was genuinely so scared he would hurt Clementine. I also liked Minnie for the same reasons (she was so creepy/off-putting), but I still think Stranger is the best villain bc he had a great setup while Minnie was kind of a secondary villain. But going back to Lilly/Carver, I also definitely prefer Lilly over Carver even though neither are my favorite... And now I'm kind of curious how you would rank the rest of the TWDG villains? 🤔

carver being the best villain is a sentiment ive heard for years 😭 im sure its coming from the "S2 is the best season" crowd tho which i also dont agree with 💀

the stranger is an effective villain. hes not exactly the typical villain type people expect. but hes very unsettling and him stalking clementine for who even knows how long through the walkie talkie is 🤢 he really makes me feel sick. she was using that talkie to deal with the loss of her parents, and this fucking creep took advantage of that so hard he was able to convince her to trust him. ugh he makes me feel so gross. and think of all the guilt clem must have about that situation. trusting this freak to help her find her parents, when if she had just stayed then lee wouldnt have gotten bit looking for her, and her parents were already dead the entire time anyway. oof. theres no way that isnt one of the biggest regrets of her life

carver is fine. i definitely think his character wouldve made more sense if they put kenny in that role instead. that way theres less "i am a grown man beefing with an 11 year old" and more "this is a child i helped look out for once, and im gonna make sure shes raised Right". but i agree that carver as he is is just over the top. overly villainous to the point of it being a little comical. like when villains are all tough like that my reaction is usually "god i WISH youd fucking kill me already so i dont have to hear your bullshit anymore do you know how GOOFY you sound??". if it was kenny in that role i definitely think they wouldve been able to tone it back a bit, and him "having a good side" wouldve been way more believable. as he is carver is kind of one note

joan.... definitely the weakest of the bunch. i dont really have much to say about her. david isnt even technically a villain but i definitely saw him as the better antagonist for the season. i mean hes definitely a villain in clems eyes. and is a constant semi-antagonist towards javi throughout the whole season. joans just kinda.. there.. doing things behind the scenes to cause conflict until the final confrontation. and then she can just disappear... okay

i like the way the antagonists work in S4. theres more of a discussion around what actually makes someone a villain and the difference between a person who fucked up and made (very horrible) mistakes, and a person who is straight up a threat. and i like that it connects back to the idea of lee and his murder of that senator. did he do something horrible? yes. did he destroy his relationship to his family? yes. does he regret what he did? i think so. and he definitely has guilt about his fucked up relationship with his wife. in S1 they mention how non-guilty people got sent to prison all the time. while lee is Definitely a murderer, we get to see over the season that hes a good guy who just wanted a family and in a moment of rage and betrayal did something he can never take back. this is why i never hated marlon. did he fuck up and do horrible things? of course. but he was a scared fucked up teen leading a group of other scared fucked up teens. he knows he fucked up, and continued fucking up to cover for his previous fuck ups lol. but he can be talked down. its a shame it ends the way it does, but i really like being able to teach aj the difference between people like marlon and people like lilly

lilly takes that kenny/carver idea and applies it to a clementine that has grown up and has been looking out for herself (and baby aj) for years now, instead of the 11 year old trying to figure shit out she was in S2. shes too old for lilly to be able to sway her in a way she couldve been more susceptible to in S2, and when lilly finally realizes this she just turns her attention to aj instead, seeing the potential in him (a potential clem does NOT want aj to live up to, wanting him to get to be a kid and not just a survivor, let alone a killer). lilly is fun because you can see in her that she WANTS clementine on her side, and throughout the season progressively realizes that its just never going to happen. both lilly AND clem come to the realization that this person they once considered family is beyond reason, their views too different, and so the fighting begins. their fight at the end of EP3 really feels like a "so its finally come to this" moment for both of them, their final fight. i always shoot her.

whats interesting about minnie is seeing her evolve from secondary antagonist in EP3 to straight up primary villain in EP4. the things shes done, the way shes been broken. she becomes her own downfall, seeing herself as someone beyond redemption. that this is just who she is now, its how things have to be. because if they didnt have to be this way? well then theres a lot more guilt she'd have to deal with. yelling at her in EP4 to just STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU DONT HAVE TO DO THIS ANYMORE but she has been changed (in her eyes) so irreparably that she cant see any other option. and she progressively sees clem as the one who fucked everything up for her, instead of accepting that it could all finally be OVER. after killing sophie, the delta was all she had left. it cant have all been for nothing. and so she blames clem for taking it all away from her, even tho clem is just trying to protect her family. the family that used to be minnies. and so in her rage she gets bit. something else that she couldve avoided. but shes just too lost to her own downward spiral, unable to be reasoned with. by that point she just wants it all to be Over. and she wants to take tenn with her so she can finally pretend things can all go back to the way they used to be. her, sophie, tenn, and their parents all together again, where no more bad things have to happen to them. shes super tragic and i love her for that. and i love how she holds this dark mirror up to clem. clem struggles to let go of her past too, and the guilt she has over the things shes done and people shes hurt. and that if she cant learn to let go and move on she could get lost to it the same way minnie did. theres a reason clem is so quick to accept her fate, but shes finally able to leave that guilt holding her to her past behind in that barn. and she returns to ericson a much happier and lighter person, so much weight finally lifted from her shoulders. its finally over for her too

so yeah. my fave villains are definitely the S4 ones due to their nuance and layers. then the stranger, then carver, then joan. if i had to put david on this list he'd probably be above carver. but thats mainly because he has more nuance than carver ever did

[bropunzeling]

During the intermission interview aired during yesterday’s PWHL Toronto/Montreal game, Coyne Schofield and Spooner flat out said they hadnt realized how much their lives and training schedule would have to adjust for baby naps and breastfeeding, and now I’m imagining rat baby shaking up both parents’ training schedules, and how that would feed into how-can-I-mom-a-girl issues vs the immediate adoration from girl-dad Matthew.

oh gosh that sounds like a SUPER interesting interview!!! and also ohhhh my gosh yeah. yeah, like

i haven't been pregnant/a new parent but ive been around plenty of pregnant people/new parents and my god it seems exhausting. the sleep and lack thereof! the feedings! the way your whole life gets reconfigured around the whims of this tiny person who does not care about your needs! i can only imagine its even harder for people living such regimented lives as athletes because like, you have your body's schedule, but BABY'S schedule comes first. i think no matter how much you think you're ready you aren't, really, especially for first kids.

so in terms of the girl!leon of it all i think it would be a really tough transition! regardless of how wanted the baby is (very much so), even if the actual like, labor and such goes smoothly, OOF. just a real shock of cold water. and i think it would be a bit exacerbated by the fact that like, matthew would go back to playing pretty much right away (which i always feel is a bit messed up? but so it goes) and back to a somewhat normal routine, whereas leon would just be at home! with this baby! i mean i think parents/family would come stay with them, they'd have access to really good childcare, etc, but even with all of that what a tough transition. i think she'd find it super hard even despite the rewarding parts, especially because SO much of her life and self-identity is wrapped up in the athlete aspect and once again, how does she balance hockey and being able to want/have other personal things. a Theme for her.

and god the "how can i mom a girl" thing... obvi none of this is fleshed out fully bc im not writing it rn (gimme a business year and not wedding planning and shoving the current wip out the door), but i think that would absolutely be something she didn't realize she was freaking out about until something forced her to realize it. like, what if their daughter wants to be a different kind of kid than leon was? what if she does want to follow in leon's footsteps? does leon even want her to do that?? leon had so many tough moments getting to where she is, and she wants to keep her baby from being hurt in the same ways, and she has so much worry about screwing something up. she and matthew could have such a good sleep-deprived, highly emotional conversation where they talking about how you just gotta do it scared.

but yes matthew is just being such a girl dad. enamored from moment one. his girls are perfect and can do no wrong 😌 even when they are spitting up all over him (baby) / picking a fight with half the leafs (wife)

[alaydabug2]

Tag list: @sparklenarniawizard @imobsessed123 @nowjumpinthewater @ilikebookssomuch @insert-clever-username-1133

Broken heart/Broken mind

Chapter Seventy-six

(Human AU)

Sophie and Keefe met in the children's hospital when they were little. Because of how long they were confined to the four walls of the hospital, they became very close during their stay.

As the years pass, they wind up being in the same classroom together due to their physical conditions. This makes their bond deepen.

But are they able to handle when life gets tough, throwing problems and complications their way?

Sophie tapped her feet on the waiting room floor. The past few weeks, she was getting shooting pains in her jaw. One trip to the dentist, and it was determined that her wisdom teeth were impacted.

Grady and Edaline were getting her paperwork filled out. Sophie was shaking her leg with anxiety. She had never actually been under anesthesia before. The idea scared her.

Her name was called into the back. Her parents followed her and the doctor to the room.

She sat down in the chair, reaching for Edaline's hand. The chair was leaned back to a lying position.

"Alright, Miss Foster," the doctor said. "Going to give you the laughing gas, now. It's going to make you sleepy, but once you're awake, it'll all be over with."

Sophie nodded. She squeezed her mom's hand as the mask was placed over her face. After a couple of breaths, she started feeling funny.

Her head was fuzzy, and it she felt her heart picking up its pace. It felt familiar. And she didn't like it one bit. Her vision was going out on her now.

She whimpered at the feeling. Grady gently brushed her hair back from her face.

She didn't like how any of it felt. Her eyes were growing heavy. It felt like her throat was closing off on her. It hit her

Seizure.

Sophie ripped the mask off her face, startling the doctor and her parents. She gasped in gulps of fresh air, savoring every one.

"Seizure," she muttered to them. "I was having a seizure."

"Oh, dear, that was the laughing gas," the doctor informed her.

"I don't want it," she murmured.

Her head was hurting now. The kind of hurt that came after a seizure. The feeling of it was way too similar for her to be comfortable with it.

"You don't want it?"

Sophie shook her head. "Uh-uh. I don't like it. Is there I different thing I can have? Or am I able to stay awake?"

The doctor scratched his head. "Well, I wouldn't advise being awake for it. But you can have the IV medications. That should help with the lightheaded feelings."

Sophie hated needles. But she hated the feeling of a prolonged seizure even more, so she resigned to the remaining option.

Once the needle was placed in her hand, the medicine was pushed in through the IV. It hit her system so fast that she didn't have time to prepare for it.

To her relief, it wasn't the same sensation as the gas. Her body felt strangely sluggish. Her eyelids were heavy. She could vaguely feel a slight hum in the back of her mind, closing out her thoughts.

Edaline kissed her forehead and brushed her hair back. She was out like a light.

When Sophie awoke, bright lights were all around her. It took a moment for her to come back into focus.

She could feel the numbness in her face. She could see the fact she was in a car. That her head was resting on Edaline's shoulder. But any other thoughts that weren't obvious statements were all jumbled up and thrown out the window.

Edaline noticed that Sophie was awake. She glanced down in her direction with a soft smile.

"How are you feeling?" She asked.

How was she feeling? Any coherent thoughts seemed to flee her mind. After a moment of thinking, she finally came to a conclusion. Sleepy.

She mumbled her response the best she could through the swelling, gauze, and numbness.

It caused a mixture of drool and blood to drip down her chin. Edaline took a damp rag and wiped it off her face.

"Alright, we're almost home, and then you can lay down. Think you can hold out until then?"

She nodded.

When they arrived at the house, she was helped inside and on the couch. The haze of the drugs still in her system lulled her back asleep.

Stirring awake, somebody was lying with her. She glanced over her shoulder to see Keefe on top of her. When did he get there?

She made a small noise to get his attention. He lifted his head and smiled at her. He sat up, massaging her scalp. She decided to save her questions for later because the head scratchies put her back to sleep.

[viathecloset]

Dear Taetae lovers,

I write to you all with utmost respect and understanding, don't mind sharing this with your circles as you like as well.

Let me start off by thanking the wonderful and extremely professional fan bases and their admins who are ever so hardworking and dedicated without missing a beat. (With a few going on an indefinite rest today I thank you all so very much for your dedication and love)

I just deactivated my twitter accounts today, I have been planning on for a while now but today felt apt enough.

Taehyung has worked so incredibly hard throughout his career, but especially since the second half of last year and with the beginning of layover we've got endless content from him, even after he enlisted we got multiple photoshoots, an MV as an actor, a gift song and a digital single all in just 3 months. I couldn't have been more greatful to witness such artist who is so very passionate about his own craft and loves his fans so dearly. Every moment of it ive thoroughly enjoyed and made me proud of my artist.

That being said, the outside hasn't been quite a pretty site to say the least, constantly tagging the incompetent agency, huge blunders, sales being cancelled, fraudlence over that faced with hypocrisy of the fandom, shippers, biased armys, boycott, shippers, other fandoms everything, everything has been so tough, even on mental health sometimes, and said fanbases and our fellow Taehyung lovers have constantly defended and stood up for him, which might have inturn be a little stressful on us who just wanted to appreciate our favorite artist.

I just want to say to yall that you've done well, you've worked hard. But very there is going to be an unavoidable drought we might be facing very soon though. And it might be a long one. I just want to say, take that break, keep your playists running, stream anyway you want, appreciate him but if u need to take a break, go ahead and do it, its okay, we can come back anytime he comes too, its gonna get a little quieter now though but don't worry, the love isn't going anywhere, we shall keep showering him with so much adoration, we shall hype his activities, we shall keep streaming,buying and voting as necessary but take a break if u must, there's a world outside X or Instagram or anything for that matter. Do what you must, take that break off socials trust me Taehyung would love it if you prioritized real life before social media. You did well, we can sit down now it's okay ♡

[ryemackerel]

HALLO i was wondering how you get out of art block?? your art is very expressive and i absolutely adore all your colour choices and designs. ive been having trouble with art block for a very long time now so i’m just trying to ask other artists how they get outta it <3 i hope u have a niceday yesyes

OUGHH HELLO!!! holy crap, art block is the WORST. everytime i encounter it, its always hard to beat it D: theres days where i feel like i WANT to draw something so badly but my brain just. cant function

i dont have a definitive solution for art block, but whenever i do, i have a few ways to cope with it. sometimes they work, sometimes they dont? but whenever the time comes and im just sitting at a brick wall, i got some survival tips

1. come up with random silly ideas,, it could be anything: random words, phrases, scenarios. they can be as nonsensical as you want them to be. during art blocks, my mind is completely dry with ideas, so i always try to compile a list of ideas from the past so i can come back to them later on. i try to come up with random duos or something as simple as “mcdonalds date”. i might not work on these now, but maybe some random lil word can spark that creativity in me

heres my art ideas list… i have some ideas that are like 8 months old in there BGAHSGA, but i save em there till i feel like working on them

2. STRUGGLE DOODLES!! i like to make a bunch of doodles of random scenes that i think about in my head. doodle practically anything. your favorite person, favorite animal, something you see outside your window, frogs?

heres a few of mine. most of the time, i NEVER get to finishing them. however, during art blocks sometimes i like to go back to really old, incomplete guidelines and add some new, random addition to it. sometimes i forget what my sketches were exactly meant to be? and i guess thats the fun about interpreting stuff and giving things a new spin to them. during art blocks, i HATE trying to come up with new drawings from a blank canvas (since i dont even have any ideas to begin with). but working on old wips, or completely revising them? sometimes these can be super fun :]

[and bonus tip!! and this is like, a golden tip that everyone loves: going back to super old drawings and redrawing them!! its my favorite. i absolutely love seeing the improvement ive made over the years. its also pretty easy to work with since you dont have to stress about coming up with completely new ideas from a blank slate! GAHH i should do that more often.]

3. search up your favorite fanart, go on pinterest, anything. i love this one.

search up some really cool photos of outfits, aesthetic backgrounds?? i find myself searching up a lot of fanart of fandoms im in, any word with “aesthetic” at the end, casino aesthetic, anything! pinterest has always been my go-to platform to find ideas. i go on the app and not even a second in, im blown with all of this cool art n character designs. i have a problem saving almost everything i find into my boards, but at least i saved a chock-full of ideas i can work with. :)

a thing about me: ive never been the type to try and force my art block out. whenever im facing a block, its extremely difficult for me to come up with things on my own. sometimes i let it wait for a while, but that tends to take a REALLY long time. D: if i dont feel like drawing, or doodling, or really doing anything? i always like scrolling through really pretty photos. that tends to spark a small idea in me i can work with, and sometimes i manage to get out of art block from there. it starts out small, then over time it gets even better.

these photos especially gave me WAY more motivation than i ever had to draw wilbur during an art block moment. i started off making small random doodles of him in a neon city and over time it kinda turned into a fixation for neon cities. i LOVE imagining characters in random photos i find on pinterest.

wishing you the bestest in your art journey!! this crap’s tough but i know you can break it yo. thank you so much for the ask!

feel free to reblog and add your own ideas below :] i was only able to come up with a few, but if youd like to add on, go right ahead! /noforce

[princesssmars]

cuffing season

a jim hopper x reader fic

el has been begging hopper to go see a concert of some new up and coming artist. hopper doesnt get the hype until he finally hears you sing.

wc : 1.266

contains: reader is famous and kind of. an 80s sza i guess ??? idk u perform cuffin season and hopper is whipped.

- s/n : stage name -

a/n: as soon as i heard this song i think we all thought of him. confirmed byt the dozens of edits ive seen and shared so yall saw this coming. enjoy.

.

.

.

hopper loved jane with all his heart. her entrance into his life gave a new meaning to his world; a new sense of purpose (even if he sometimes likes to act like an all-tough macho man, almost everyone he was close to saw him for the big softie at heart he was.)

but god damn was raising a teenage daughter hard.

he gave it his all and he could tell that she knew it, remembering to say thank you after every nice gesture. she often liked to throw in a little hug as well. he was lucky she was a sweetheart.

but of course given her upbringing in a government lab and being suddenly thrust into the modern world, she wanted more. she wanted to fit in.

so hop wasnt surprised when she asked to go to her first concert.

she had seen a commercial on the television for it at mikes house while hanging with the party, the artist being a woman called s/n who was going to perform some of her songs that had become very popular recently. hopper only listened to his favorite stations, so hes never heard of her songs on the radio.

but, it was the middle of fall nearing winter, and there wasnt much to do in hawkins this time of year, so he reluctantly agreed to drive jane and the party to indianapolis to go see the concert.

(hes barely able to survive the drive. he loves these kids but jeez could they talk about everything but nothing for hours.)

eventually they check in at their overnight hotel before heading to the outdoor venue, their seats being more near the stage.

(this trip cost quite a pretty penny but only the best he could get for them of course.)

its chilly and even snowing a bit but none of the people here even seem to mind, most on the edge of their seats while waiting for the show to start.

jane and max are excitedly whispering amongst themselves while the boys watch on and occasionally join in.

as the lights start to dim in preparation for the show, hopper catches dustin bouncing on the balls of his feet with a big smile on his face.

"what are you so giddy about? probably just gonna be some regurgitated pop songs..." hopper mumbles, confused at the boys excitement.

"no way! you obviously havent heard her most recent song. ever since it came out girls have been all over me. im dedicated to susie but its super cool."

hopper is about to ask him to elaborate when the screams of hundreds suddenly rings out, the lights on stage coming back up to officially start the performance.

when the lights turn on and the music starts, hopper can feel his breath get caught in his throat at the sight of you.

you, probably the most gorgeous woman hes ever seen, looking like an angel in a red fur coat ready to bless the masses. hes too busy staring straight at you that he barely registers your greeting to the audience, and only starts to pay attention when you start singing.

its cuffing season

and all the girls are leavin

to get a big boy

i need a big boy

give me a big boy

your lyrics and the confidence you give while saying them makes his face flush like a damn teenager. he cant remember the last time (or any time for that matter) where he heard a song targeting someone built like him, most songs in the radio desiring someone younger, thinner, and more muscular.

there are other woman singing/rapping along with you saying little jokes about bigger guys that granted do make him chuckle a bit. but even though your part in the song is small, he mostly keeps his eyes on you.

near what hes sure is the closing of the song, as you sing your repeated chorus and move along to the music, your eyes lock on his and his heart damn near stops when your smile widens after looking him up and down, singing while directing the lyrics to him.

its cuffin season

and now weve got a reason

to get a big boy

i want a big boy

give me a big, big, big boy

you wink at him before turning your attention back to the audience, wrapping up the song before continuing the rest. hopper feels a tugging on his arm, looking down at his beaming daughter who looks happier than hes ever seen her.

"shes so pretty! and i love her voice! isnt this so cool?!" she shouts over the music, slightly jumping up and down in excitement.

hopper smiles at her enjoyment, slightly chuckling along with her. "yeah, yeah shes cool, hon."

throughout the rest of the concert hopper finds himself enjoying it more and more, his eyes staying on you nearly the whole time. you make eye contact a few more times, and each time you send a flirtatious smile in his direction.

eventually the performance comes to a close, the kids still hyped and buzzing talking about their favorite parts. just as they're about to head out a security guard stops them.

"is there a problem? one of these kids didnt so something, did they?" jim asks, sending a pointed look in the kids direction, all of them standing still as statues.

"no, nothing wrong at all sir." the guard assures. "s/n is having a vip meet and greet backstage and invited your party to say hello and get some autographs."

hopper doent think hes ever seen the kids get so excited so quickly, but then again they were going to meet their first celebrity.

when its finally their time to meet you, you give them a great big smile and "hello!". you act so well with the kids, answering any question they have and taking a multitude of pictures. he stares on in fondness until you turn your attention to him.

"hi, your daughter told me your name is jim, right?"

"everyone just calls me hopper." he responds, trying to hide how hes slightly nervous in your presence. it was t everyday he met someone equally talented and drop dead gorgeous. "i uh...liked your song. the first one."

"mmm, pretty sure you more than liked it." you tease him, laughing when he looks away from you. "im glad you enjoyed it. me and my friends just wanted to show more love to guys of our type."

"your type huh? and im guessing by how you kept looking at me id fit in to your criteria?" he asks you bluntly, feeling proud when he sees you slightly flustered.

"youd more than fit, trust me-" youre blatant innuendo is cut off by your manager tapping you on the shoulder, whispering in your ear that you should start wrapping things up.

a deep sigh leaves you, sharing just another little moment with him before moving back to your table, writing something on a note and giving it to him with a smile.

he doesnt have time to look at it until later on during the drive home, most of the kids having tuckered themselves out from talking about the show and falling asleep one by one. he carefully pulls the note out of his jacket pocket, holding it in one hand while he drives with the harder.

its your name and number, with just a sentence of writing below them.

call me whenever youd like, big boy.

and in that moment, hopper has never been more grateful for his daughter.

.

.

.

a/n: i dont have anything to say need him bad. bigger boys girls nd everyone in between we love yall. thanks for reading <3

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

🪲 Recommend a great fic centered on your favorite character!

cryptid!!!! these are all my personal recommendations for u!!!! fics that made me go “oh i bet cryptid would like that!”. (disclaimer: i do not take responsibility for any clowning involved in the posting of this reply!) im highly recommending them to everyone else as well though <3 hehe

zhou zishu (novel): our softest pieces by northofallmusic. post-canon i think, E. wenzhou fisting fic, its almost a character study that uses sex and fisting to focus on zhou zishu’s introspective journey of self-discovery regarding pleasure and sex. i read that recently and it?? blew my mind a little!?? i know you already know that fic and i know that because i DisCovered u in the comment section!! huehe (i wanted to go and poke u but I Nobly Refrained). im listing it anyyway because?? its so good?? anyways here is another one that i want more people to read, it also blew my mind: Inside Out by CaffeineAddict94, who is a beloved friend of mine and an amazing writer, i dont know, have you heard of them?? <3<3<3 post-canon domestic wenzhou, E, angst. zhou zishu has abandonment issues and copes with it by taking as much of wen kexing inside him as he can. i love how visceral and tangible your descriptions are here, interweaving zhou zishu‘s state of mind with what he experiences in the body!!! okay, im done with dorking around!! <3 i dont read that much novel fic in general and it was a bit tough to come up with a third fic, after my serious proclaimation at the start that this is going to be a personal recommendation list! When the night is quiet by mtkay13. canon divergence, set during the puppet manor arc, E, light angst. introspective, a what-if of the hypothetical scenario that wenzhou get intimate sooner then they do in canon. what does it take for that to happen? i love how MT solves the issue of zhou zishu‘s insecurity and uncertainty regarding the question of wen kexing‘s sincerity, that makes it very canon-compliant, and it has the typical wenzhou push-and-pull when it comes to expressing and baring yourself in your desire! i eat that up like cake

wen kexing (novel): closer by northofallmusic. post-canon i think, E. wen kexing wants to see what happens if he lets zhou zishu top him. feat. implied comphet, self-discovery, switching. the pov alternates between them and it has some amazing things to say about zhou zishu too, but im putting it here because i really love wen kexing‘s handling of the matter. also one of my most favourite wenzhou novel fics!

wen kexing (show): spare me by staringatstars. post-ep36 time-travel fix-it longfic, heavy angst, graphic body horror whump, T. i literally just recced u that!!!! but let me elaborate on it anyway, for everyone else. it has delightfully gore body-horror (mildly but it is there!) and centres fully around wen kexing‘s state of mind after getting yanked back to the past. if u have ever consumed a time-travel media that features someone finding their loved one in the past at a point before they meet, with the present timeline loved one left behind, and thought that this comes very close to a character death, and that just because these are technically the same person u cant just interchange them and call it a day, look no further! this fic explores exactly this situation, with a lot of grief/mourning and hopeless yearning involved. also: horse shenanigans!

here is my second, actual recommendation!! ive been wanting to recc u this fic for a while because i know u like angsty stuff and grief as a theme, and this fic is really really good at these two things, but i also know u have been holding back from reading longfics because of all the oneshots youve been meaning to get through first. but!!! its free-real estate!!! mwahahaha!!!!! Long Away And Far Apart by timetoboldlygo. post-canon time-travel fix-it, heavy angst, grief/mourning, T. zhou zishu doesnt get cured and dies after three years and wen kexing goes back into the past to change events and ensure they both dont have to end up being the people they are, not expecting to ever remeet his a-xu again except for in the afterlife. i loved that even though the premise is that zhou zishu hasnt actually died here, the author really went there and had wen kexing confront this ugly situation of losing zhou zishu (which is graphic, btw) and being forced to live with it, for 100k, before he finds out about it. its just ugly messy graphic grieving and being forced to survive when u just want to die, of building a new life out of the ashes of your old one, and feeling all the feels that brings with it. the new family dynamics between wen kexing and his parents that are automatically altered by this decision are also amazing. i read this fic twice so far, i think, and it made me ugly cry each time

lan wangji: The Roots Grow Riotous by hansbekhart. this is ,, like ,, my go-to fic when someone asks me to recommend mdzs fic (even though its no longer available) and its also the one i immediately think of in terms of lwj-centred pieces that blew me away. recommending this (or, honourably mentioning this) more in general because u already know it. in case someone has a friend who has a copy: modern au magical realism, E, longfic, heavy angst, graphic body mutilation, graphic body horror, grief/mourning, whump. is set in the fashion industry within the united states and focuses on the diaspora experience of being within that fashion industry as a work-related immigrant, especially in terms of race. i love how tangible lan wangji is in this. its really the character study of someone who is entrapped inside themselves and who is very bad at sharing what hurts them on the inside with other people. the magical realism as well as the mentioned body horror has to do with the actual live plants that grow out of lan wangji‘s body, and the graphic body mutilation comes into play when he him rips them out before anyone else can see. youve already said it in your own post, cryptid, the symbolism is amazing here!

here is my second recommendation which has not been removed from the archive. its doesnt have a lot of similarities with Roots but its also a lwj-centred fic i really like. wonder under summer skies by dragongirlG. modern au, cultural identity, E. also maybe light angst, because the topic of cultural identity and diaspora is written with the kind of weight it does have. this focuses on fashion as well but here from the view of an immigrant small business family-run tailor store in chinatown. i loved how this shifting relationship to your own identity, as diaspora, is reflected in lan wangji, clumsily but determinedly kneeling neck-deep into hanfu making and traditional clothing patterns, and in wei wuxian, whom lan wangji attempts to aid in his endeavour of reforging a connection to his long-dead parents. i dont remember more than that, its been a while since i read it, but it was so good!

bug me for fic recs!!!

[empyreanmirror]

OK I have to know what program or brushes you use?? Whenever I try to paint digitally the edges look too soft if that makes sense??

Hello! i've a fair idea of what style specifically you mean, but let me know if I didnt cover what you're asking about!

I mainly use Clip Studio Paint (Pro 1.0?), on the side I use Rebelle 7 Pro. Rebelle is for the traditional looking stuff I occasionally do, and everything i used for that comes with the programme. If what youre looking at is traditional-mimicking, its that! Other than that, probably CSP youre here for so... for that:

Main brushes? I use a collection of Daub brushes! Pretty much exclusively this brush... like... outside my sketch brush I basically only use this one:

Rectangular, textured. This is how it came Im pretty sure, but just showing you the shape and stuff because the shape i find is key in cutting lines into paintings. I dont remember which daub pack its in, but I can try and figure it out if you want it!

You can see it here in these pieces, it gives that fuzzy frayed end to things. That's genuinely fine? I find it's good for making sure shadows and edges aren't too defined without giving the very artificial digital art feeling airbrushes give, like as an example I dont really notice it in this piece at full size but it's very distracting zoomed in:

I just. am not liking it personally, which... I tell you to let you know I actually kinda struggle to get it to work the job I want it to and ive been looking to replace it. Used it for years, but it has flaws. It's been decent for my recent couple years break from serious art because its loose and gets the job done, but its kinda tough to work with (as any traditional-mimicking brush would be)

I've recently started using it edited a little to get rid of the fuzzy texture, which really just involved taking away the texture in settings. Theres some places on the arms here where i was using the textured version, and... yeah this is roughly rendered bc it was a quick piece but you get the idea:

I find it really helpful because it has an edge - it can paint proper lines - but then can be smoothed

Rough textured vs untextured, and heres.. where you can see it falls apart for what i do. That was solid black I was painting on the grey and i was pushing hard (more so going over and over it), textured version's way better for painting and blending but texture gets in the way, uh, trade off

It's definitely... not actually ideal for my art, I can say that much. i took a detour into using this brush exclusively after losing my last muse, it's definitely.... how do i word this. its not good at laying down colours and blending - Ive been hoping i can even that out in settings so maybe if you grab it you can iron that out but. Thats what I use!

It's probably more helpful to tell you what works? Uh. given that the brush i use I struggle against so

For things getting back to the style I used before - which. unfortunately i dont think i have current (relatively) sfw examples, so time to dig up the literal at the time old style art.... - for example in this:

deviantarts quality is fucking abysmal holy shit. This is kinda... What my personal style is, which is blending stark lines and colours, juxtaposing textures and stuff. To do that? I recommend having two brushes, something like what I just showed you and then something like Clip Studio Paint's default watercolour brushes. Theyre like airbrushes blended with paint brushes

I also then go over things with my pen tool, which is my own brush. I dont know if i can properly share it in any capacity because I cant remember where I got the textures from, but you know, under the table passed along, its here, its meant to mimic how i draw with pens on paper (light and almost invisible if you go light and fast, proper linework if you slow down and purposely draw)

You can see the whole entourage (Daub brush, watercolour brushes, pen brushes, if watercolours were even used) here:

Didnt circle everything that was pen because Im sure you get the idea. Its basically just... that brush to paint, waters if i need to smooth something extra smooth, and then anything that needs contrast and oomf gets added in pen, if your brushes cant provide edges its probably best to mix them up, use your soft brush for blending, a harder painting brush for laying down colours and loose blending.

Something that lays down paints with an edge - I really do recommend a non-round brush head, and something built for painting - and then something to smooth it out.... honestly ideally thatd be the exact same brush, thats a key i used to like with the Daub square brush is that i could paint and blend with it, I think I maybe manipulated the settings too much and took it way too far out of what it was or something because i swear it used to be easier to work with but. whatever the issue is its never been ideal, honestly for a brush id say seek out something that: Is square/rectangular (probably rectangular is best); lays down paint without too much pressure on your wrist and blends smoothly so you're laying paint and blending in the same stroke; puts down colour when you're pressing down over a certain percentage of its pressure limit and then only blends when you're pressing under that percentage. CSP lets you do this. Best brush experiences Ive had ticked all of those boxes

uh. if youre shopping around (buying or getting for free) you dont need to look for the "paints over x blends under y" because in CSP and other programmes (do check) you can add that in yourself, but yeah Id suggest some kind of shaped brush that isnt shy with paint to combat the soft edges!

[penumbrialhexandroga]

I put this in a discord chat im in but i wanted to put it here too. Today i got diagnosed by my therapist with c-ptsd.

Hhhh today is a day of surthriving. Had therapy this morning and was rough, but i was able to communicate some of my frustrations well. Got some clarification on stuff. Like he said forget about any of the schizophrenia stuff, i dont have it, so thats a relief. He said for a clinical dx i do have CPTSD. And that my episode that id had before when i started seeing him was a dissocaitive episode. So it was nice to get clarification on that i was thinking it was like a psychotic or manic or something but dissociative makes sense with what all went on. Ugh gah but then talked with a real young part and stuff coming up and just ugh fuck i hate. People. Just very heavy. Having things validated. But im so grateful for the coping mechanisms ive developed. Hhhhhhh fuck its just hard. Heavy heavy heavy. Just trying so hard to keep every thing contained so i can get through work. Thank god for Work Mode 🙏. Id been dxed with ptsd already but i did suspect it was cptsd but man having that validated by a therapist ugh i just feel like ive been taking punches and punching brick walls >.< idk i just wanted to express this all somewhere. "Put it out there"

Thats what i put in the chat earlier.

Idk i wanted to write about it i guess. He was saying too how like a diagnosis yknow its fluid it can change. Which im fully on board with i know it can only really be a snapshot of your current whatever experiences. But one thing i really appreciate about getting that dx and that validation and assurance is that it supplies me the language to tell my story. I realized that that was one issue that i had with how generally non-pathologizing my therapist is. Its also something i appreciate about him though, but i just felt like i couldnt really. Like not even tell my story but know my story. I felt lost and confused and uncertain about what my experience was and how i fit in with the world and people around me.

Who really am i? What defines me as an individual? It helps me answer these questions more fully. Not to say my diagnoses are all that i am or can capture the complexity of me as a being.

Its incredibly validating to do this work. I feel alive and autonomous in a way i never really have before. Some of the parts i work with are so so young. If i wasnt doing this work with a therapist i dont think i would really be able to do it. So im very grateful for my circumstances that allow me that. Although i can tell my therapist wants to do more frequent sessions, but it is expensive and insurance sucks so. Idk. Is what it is.

Ugh but this work also fucking sucks and makes things so so hard. But i know im better for it. Gahhahahshbsgdgdgdhd.

Oh man im also really glad too he labeled what that episode was. I was thinking it was a psychotic or manic and maybe i had bipolar, bc some of my family has been dxed with that. But no he said it was CPTSD. and a dissociative episode. Which man even just writing that out again its just. I cant even really identify how it makes me feel its just this kinda hmmm pressure?? Electrical flux? Along the back of my head.

Im grateful for being able to communicate better with my parts too. I was able to get across some things today that i havent been able to for a while and im glad things went well, even if it got tough. Really friggin tough. I know im moving in the right direction.

Id already been diagnosed with ptsd but that was through my psych who specialized in autism and idk it didnt really sink in. Its different now getting diagnosed by someone who knows me very well, ive been seeing him for like over two years now, so i have a lot of trust in his oppinion. But gosh so many raw nerves. Plus its c -ptsd which like, doesnt mean its worse than ptsd or anything lol some people seem to think that but thats more what i was suspecting. It just made more sense to me than standard ptsd with all the dissociation. But i feel really validated and seen and heard and hmm self assured even! Which is so rare for me. I feel like there was a lot of movement and change today. So this post is really just to commemorate it all. Getting diagnosed with cptsd tho, for me its very different than it was getting diagnosed with autism. Maybe thats because of meeting with that part right after tho :/

[cal-writes]

I FINALLY GOT AROUND TO CHECKING OUT THOSE WRITER ASKS, so excuse me, I'm going to disturb your schedule now with some things I want to ask. For 2023 review asks: 1, 3, 9, 23, 24, and 30 please. For the AO3 wrapped asks: 3, 5, 20, and 30, if you'd be so kind. Hope you are having an excellent time and lots of rest, Cal!

at least this time im at my computer and not on mobile so it will be infitely easier to reply! thank you <3

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again?

writing present tense actually! my dear beta has been suggesting it for years bc i mostly wrote past tense (or both i would switch in the middle of a work constantly, sorry @vaguelyreferential) so i dont even know what made me do it one piece fic just had the vibes for it i guess

What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

i write best at night and unfortunately like it best to write on my laptop. unfortunately bc i got an ergonomic keyboard for reasons and with the laptop thats not really compatible (i can of course conntect it but i like the vibe of the laptop yknow) i think it might have something to do with my double monitor setup on my main computer which tends to distract me so. fun things about being creative with adhd

What fic meant the most to you to write?

woof. thats a tough one. i mean to a certain degree they all mean something to me yknow. or i wouldnt write them. but i think meaningful to me personally is probably Salt of Midgar its the first long ongoing fic ive done in a while and i really tried to be consistent with uploads and stuff and try to hone the whole "done is better than perfect" with it. i sadly lost the consisitency with putting out chapters with it but i am still very dedicated to finishing it and plan to do it next year.

also have to say one of my unfinished 00Q fics has a soft spot in my heart bc i met my beta through it and got back into writing in the first place bc of the james bond fandom. i have planned to "reboot it" of sorts aka rewrite and actually finish it (bc its so old at this point my style wouldnt really work with it anymore and i also have no idea where i was going). it got shelved bc i got swallowed up my one piece fandom but yknow

Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out?

“You don’t have to have all the answers for him right now, you know that right?” Kazuha told him gently and he glanced up, feeling small and terrified at the gulf that was opening in his chest. She smiled and nudged their joined hands. “Just talk to him and tell him the truth. Left to your own devices you two just reach the worst conclusions possible.” She added teasingly and Heiji felt himself snort. She had them there. “Communication.” She stressed in a tone of voice Heiji was too familiar with from their time as a couple.  With a final squeeze, he extracted his hands and groaned, letting his head hang over the back of the chair. “Why do I have to be the mature one? Why can’t he come talk to me?” He whined.  “Because Shinichi is emotionally stunted and you are better at interpersonal relationships than him.” She said placatingly and Heiji gaped at her. He narrowed his eyes at her. Kazuha grinned as innocently as possible. Oh, she was goading him.

this whole conversation from the third chapter of One Trick Pony probably. i struggled with that whole chapter in general a whole lot. this conversation originally took place on the train before i scrapped that location change so to speak and had them stay in kazuha's place. what was difficult at the time with that chapter is how miserable the characters were and i got really into that headspace which kinda made writing hard. but im glad with how it turned out in the end!

What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

i think i have a lot of my "oho" moments when im not actively writing. such as kaito working for the friend of heijis mom. that was like a "yknow what would be funny" and then i implemented that and from that alone came The Simple Life of Kaito. otherwise my writing process is often just getting possessed by ideas and getting them out of my head the way they want it

What’s something that you want to write in 2024?

as said above i want to finish up Salt of Midgar which i think are 2-3 chapters by my last count.

i also had another one piece thing thats basically done that i need to polish up which is in universe and two other things that i might finish up ive been trucking away at those for a while. one is a sequel to laws eleven and the other is a new AU. also of course lucky charm. that reminds me i have to finish up the next chapter for that whoops

i'll post this now just so i dont lose it all but will reply to the other questions in a reblog!!

[kozykricket]

somewhat heavy stuff about pets ahead, need to get off my mind. i kinda speedran this post and its ... unorganized and just a buncha random thoughts. maybe ill make a more organized post . i think i misworded some things in here, theres some lacking clarity. there, thats all of the clarifications. this may be kinda wrong with some specific things,

i have 2 lovely cats, and. we've had them for like. one for probably around 10 years, the other for about 7 or 8 but yknow its really. annoying how... just because they lived as outdoor cats for a while, my dad still doesnt let them have much time inside i mean okay. like. we have a basement garage, where my dad keeps tools and stuff. they have a bed, litterbox, water, and food there. but ive begun to... mmm, i know we wont have them forever, and ive just . been wanting to... atone for the lack of time spent with them. them just either being outside and doing stuff (which i know outdoor cats arent the greatest for the environment) or being in a dingy workshop-garage with nothing much of note so thats. why i try to see them every day. i find it hard to say bye because ... like. ill go back into the Entire Rest of the house and they'll wanna come... but i know my dad doesnt want that. because his allergies get really bad when cats are in the house but ive been sneaking them in the basement, big room with carpet we have. allegedly one of them is very territorial and was fixed too late so he still marks his territory a lot... but i dunno, if i watch over him, theres no issue i just want them to have more places in the house they can go. i dont want them to be spending all their time outside, but alas i think its better than them being secluded to a lonely garage so... yeah. tldr i spend time with my cats every day if i can, just an hour or two if possible, whether in the workshop or by sneaking them in the house. but i cant... just spend all of my free time like that. i want to spend time with my friends, and play games n stuff. so, its tough. im hoping i can come to some sort of deal with my dad. my mom agrees they shouldnt just be in the workshop all the time... though, in terms of "outdoor cats are bad for the environment" my mom, dad, and even therapist say its fine and good i dunno though. thjeres a lot of guilt attached to... decisions that arent necessarily mine. but its because i... i know i can make a difference. theres big conflicts in the world, which i cant make a big difference to. but ic ould... fix the injustice of my cats. atone for the ... years i spent barely ever leaving my room to see them. i dunno. i just want to feel happy for them even when theyre gone. i care for them a lot. one of them is the most lovey cat ever. hes got the soul of a lapcat, even if hes very. Wild and Feral in nature ...we do live in a big, big rural property, though, so its not so bad

[solarpunkpresentspodcast]

Working on Better Endings

Welcome to our last blog post of the year.  Before I get to it, let me say thank you for supporting us.  We appreciate it every time you read something we write and every time you listen to our podcast.  You are literally the only reason we are doing these things! 

At the same time, though, likes are very much appreciated, especially on our YouTube channel, which we’d also love for you to subscribe to (and which we’ll be putting major effort into in the new year).  We also greatly appreciate reviews of the podcast, as they help spread the word, and support via Patreon that covers some of the costs of putting the podcast together.

 Now for the post itself.

Except that I’m not quite sure where to begin. 

I wanted to write about assisted dying.  It’s not a cheerful way to end the year but it’s important to be able to have a gentle end to your own story.  But it’s mostly unavailable.  The legal right to medical assistance with dying would make the world a more humane place.  Yet it’s complicated.

If assisted dying had been available here in Germany, the horror of the last week that Spouse, MIL, and I lived through—but not my father–in–law—could have been avoided.  Except that maybe it couldn’t have been.  Because, argh... It’s not always clear what is the right or even the best thing to do. The deeper you get into a situation where assisted dying would be useful, the more you see how convoluted the maze of shades of grey the possibility of helping someone end their life can be.

FIL had Alzheimer’s.  If you’ve ever had a close relative with this disease, you know what devastation it wreaks.  Over the course of a dozen years, Alzheimer’s had withered FIL into a shadow of himself (although not without the occasional increasingly dimmer flash of his old self).  Then, in the middle of December, FIL got sick and had to be hospitalized.  This had been increasingly happening, but this time it was an infection. They tried but couldn’t deliver the antibiotics he desperately needed via an IV. He kept ripping it out of his arm.  And orally the antibiotics just weren’t effective enough.  FIL’s condition quickly degraded. 

But there were ups and downs.  Things looked grim—and Spouse and I rushed down from where we live several hours away—and then they looked better and then they looked grim again.  Meanwhile, the doctor kept threatening to discharge FIL in a day or two, even there was no way MIL, tough but small, could properly care for him at home on her own.  In the state he was in, it took two people to get him up and out of bed to get him to the bathroom or anything like that and there was no end in sight to the wait for a space in a nursing home.  

The last day that FIL was at least briefly lucid—which turned out to be two days before he died—he swerved back and forth between saying he wished it was all over and saying that he was so glad that he had more time.  In retrospect, clearly, he was dying, so swift and severe was his deterioration.  But even the doctor and nurses didn’t recognize it up until half an hour before the end. That was when the off–duty physical therapist who had come to visit (because she was a friend) was like CALL HIS WIFE AND SON NOW!  And even then, it didn’t occur to the doctor or nurses on the ward that he needed sedation posthaste so that he didn’t have to experience the horrible death his was about to have to...well, not live through, but you know what I mean.  It only occurred to them to offer sedation a minute or two after he’d died, to stop the twitching the body does as all of its biological electricity discharges (so to speak).

Given all that confusion, maybe the possibility for assisted dying wouldn’t have spared my FIL from drowning in his own lung fluid because of the lung infection that is the typical way for people with Alzheimer’s to go because eventually their coordination degrades to the point where they can no longer successfully swallow or properly cough.  And maybe it wouldn’t have spared the three of us—MIL, Spouse, and I—from having to watch him die that way.  (The off–duty PT fled in tears the moment we arrived, thereby missing FIL’s death by about 120 seconds.  Which is to say, I think FIL fought hard to stay alive until his wife and son were able to get there and then let go.)

Oh, the number of times this last week that MIL muttered, we would have put an animal out of this misery a while ago already.  And the number of times that Spouse agreed!  Still, the deeper you get into a situation like Alzheimer’s, the more you see that maze of shades of grey.  You can say, well, the person they were before they developed Alzheimer’s would have never wanted to see themselves live this way.  And they would have wanted not to suffer the horrible death that is about to befall them.  You know you are horrified by seeing them live this way.  And you’ll never get the sight of that horrible death out of your head, especially nights, when you are trying to sleep. But what do you do when the person there in front of you now, thick in the midst of their advanced case of Alzheimer’s, has different feelings about it?  Can you just say they don’t know what they’re talking about? Plus, they aren’t just miserable.  Even when they’re in the hospital dying, they appear to experience moments of joy.  Sure, you are certain they don’t grasp the future they’re facing or the horrible death that awaits them.  But even if they don’t understand what is happening, how could you ever have the moral right to say fetch the poison for someone who has moments of consciousness but can’t decide that they’re ready to go?

All of this is not to say that assisted dying is wrong.  As muddled as this week was, after experiencing it, I am now all the more certain that assisted dying is important. We have that moral right to decide the where and the when of dying for ourselves when the time comes, for whatever reason, to die. We ought to fight for the legal right to it, too.  But the fight for people to have the legal right for medical assistance with dying with dignity and without undo suffering will take facing the fact that assisted dying can be a thorny issue. There are times when it’s wrong and should be withheld. And there are times when it isn’t clear if it’s right or if it’s wrong and that can be true even when the person in question is suffering and has no hope for recovery from whatever is destroying them. We need to be brave enough and clear headed enough as communities or societies to address these issues.

I guess, in the end, then, assisted dying is what I’ve ended up writing about.  I guess I’ll also say hug your loved ones!  And go do something out of the ordinary with them.  It doesn’t have to be anything major, just something different enough for you to always remember.  Because as long as life is, the years do go by and eventually come to an end that sneaks up on you, leaving you to think about all the time you didn’t spend with someone before it was too late.