#jamil birthday angst

[spadecentral]

🎁 Birthday Without A Gift | Jamil Viper x Reader

>> requested: yes, by @pandoa >> a/n: Thank you for feeding my urge to make angst

>> masterlist: here!! >> summary: you forget about his birthday >> reader prns: they/them >> warning(s): second pov; you replace yuu

It was around 6 am when Jamil woke up on September 12th. A lifetime of waking up early can do that to you, even on your birthday.

He wasn't surprised to not see anyone awake yet. Of course, Jamil still had to do things on his birthday. He couldn't just leave his responsibilities for the whole day. But, he would like to see you. even if it was just for a little bit.

Walking into the kitchen, Jamil started to make breakfast for Kalim. By seven, the meal was prepared and ready to serve to the housewarden.

"Good morning, Jamil!" Kalim smiled as Jamil opened the door to his bedroom. Now, Kalim is not a morning bird, but he refuses to close his curtains, so he wakes up with the sun.

"Good morning, Kalim." Jamil nodded, as he placed the tray down in front of the white-haired boy. "How was your rest?"

"It was good, thank you Jamil," Kalim said as he dug into his meal.

Closing the door behind him, Jamil let out a small smile. One task completed. One task closer to hanging out with you.

As the day progressed, all Jamil could focus on was seeing you for his birthday. Surely you didn't forget it, right? You always seemed to know when everyone's birthday was... It was truly an otherworldly talent of yours.

"Prefect! Prefect!" Broken out of his thoughts, Jamil heard someone calling you. Looking over, he saw Kalim... running up to you and hugging you?

"Come on, Prefect! I just have to show you something!" Kalim grabbed you by the hand and running away from Jamil.

I can always see them later. Jamil nodded to himself. It was only around 2 pm; there was plenty of time for him and you to talk together.

Jamil didn't see you or Kalim the rest of the day. He had resorted to waiting outside of Ramshakle for you to return.

It was 10:26 PM when you got back to the broken-down dorm.

"Prefect," Jamil said. "I was wondering if—"

"Jamil... I can't tonight. I was out all day with Kalim and I guess we lost track of time but..." You sighed. "I'm really sorry, Jamil. I just... need to sleep right now. Sleep well."

You closed the door in his face.

Jamil stood there, shell shocked. He couldn't even look turn away from the dorm as tears welled in his eyes. All he could think about was one thing: You forgot about his birthday.

Taglist: @trappolaces | @ch3lun | @oseathepebble | @ventisaircurrent | @epelys | @pastelmages | @tulipluvlettr | @xxhome-is-where-ria-isxx | @atlasnessie | @sapphicxslvt | @mystaposts

[sketch-guardian]

Guess who stayed up until 3 AM to finish a sketch that was supposed to be a gift to be delivered on 26/6?🙂....I really hate my slowness🤦🏻anyway-

Here's a drawing of Clover and Jamil sharing a touching moment right after his Overblot🍁❤🐍(with his hair down as a bonus-) according to my dear awkward noodle friend's headcanon about how their meeting went of course😌I tried to reproduce how I imagined the scenario🤔 reworking it a bit to include Clover's unique magic (?)🤷🏻(the background sucks, I know-)

Still, I hope you like it and happy birthday again, even if a bit late Koni🙈☺💜🎉 also I added some close ups, because I wasn't very satisfied with the resolution from afar😖 @hyper-super-clover

(While here are some highlights):

(P.S.: I doubt anyone would care, but I've finally finished my exams🎉✨ so in this period I should be more active both to reply to asks and to draw💖the next post should be on the familiars of RAD classmates and I hope to finish the sketch soon🙈🤞🏻)

[merakiui]

maybe, i'm afraid.

azul ashengrotto x (female) reader cw: slight angst, nsfw, azul bottles his feelings and is insecure note - happy birthday to my favorite tako in the whole world. <3 may you have wonderful days forever!! // loosely inspired by lovelytheband's "maybe, i'm afraid."

i. spring - dancing in your party dress, you were singing me some frank sinatra as you wept. pull me close enough. it seems like we lost touch, so hold me as the record skips.

“Can you believe we’re gonna be fourth years?!” Kalim exclaims with wide, sparkling eyes. They look like twin garnets set into his face—polished jewels having caught the aquatic illumination from Mostro Lounge’s aquarium. “Time really does fly, huh!”

“Feels like yesterday,” Ruggie agrees around a mouthful of food. His plate is stacked as high as it can possibly get, piled with contrasting flavors. “Pretty crazy to think we’re all gonna be heading off in different directions soon.”

Jade nods. “Our school lives are as fun as they are fleeting.”

An odd quiet falls over the three of them, which is soon broken when Floyd drapes himself over the booth. He leans down to swipe a sliver from Jade’s plate. “Whatcha talkin’ about?”

“Just reminiscing.”

“Ah. S’bout that time, ain’t it? Gettin’ sentimental in the spring.”

“Makes sense. The semester’s ending and people are starting up their internships or going home. Really makes you think…”

Ruggie gazes at the group huddled near the bar. Riddle, Jamil, and a half-awake Silver chat alongside you and Azul. You seem to be in the middle of a riveting story, for your arms gesticulate wildly. Azul looks on with what Ruggie thinks is the most mushy-gushy, ooey-gooey smile he’s ever seen.

“We’re gonna come back in the winter, aren’t we?” Kalim asks, tilting his head.

“Indeed. For the cultural festival.”

“Yeah, that’s right! It’ll be fun to see you guys after so much time apart. Oh, we should all keep in touch! That way it’ll feel like no time has passed at all.”

“Perhaps not for us.” Jade follows Ruggie’s line of sight, landing on one person in particular. “For others, the gap is cavernous.”

“What do you mean, Jade?”

Floyd catches on then. “S’not our fault he’s not sayin’ anything.”

Ruggie shrugs. “It doesn’t concern me.” He pops up from his spot in the booth, grinning. “It’s been great and all, but I’ve gotta get my fill. Wouldn’t be right for a guy to skimp out when it’s Azul hosting.”

Giggling, Floyd waves him off. “You do that, Sharksucker.”

Kalim turns to the twins, brows raised. “You’re talking about Azul?”

“He’s been swept up in Shrimpy ever since. It’s been—how long now?—about two years or something.”

“Oh.” Kalim blinks back at him, slow on the uptake. And then, seconds later, it hits him. “Ohhh! He likes (Name)!”

“There ya go.”

“I’m afraid he’s yet to confess,” Jade adds around a bite of cake. “You should see the plans he’s drafted. Dozens of them, in fact. Each one is… Oh, perhaps I’ve said too much already.”

“I don’t get it. If he likes (Name) so much, why wouldn’t he just confess? Why make plans?”

“Wow, Sea Otter, you don’t play when it comes to feelings, do ya?”

“If it was me, I’d want everyone to know how much I care about someone.” To demonstrate this point, he cups his hands around his mouth and shouts, “You’re the best, (Name)!”

You glance past a now wide-awake Silver at the twins and Kalim. Mirroring his actions, you reply in a giggly voice, “Thanks! You’re great, too, Kalim!”

Beaming, he says, “See? It’s not so difficult. If Azul needs any help, I’d be happy to—”

Floyd throws his head back and cackles like a madman. “Not so difficult for you!”

Jade masks his amusement behind a gloved fist. “My, my. I think I’ve just witnessed the very soul drain from Azul’s eyes. You have quite the talent, Kalim.”

Kalim doesn’t hear the underlying meaning or the backhanded barb in his statement. “He’s got time, doesn’t he?”

“That’s what he keeps saying. But deep down he knows.” Floyd watches Azul hurry to recover his composure before anyone can notice. “He’s leaving for his internship after school’s over and then graduation’s next spring. He’s running out of time.”

“Does (Name) like him? Maybe she’ll confess before he does!”

“That’s just it. He doesn’t know what Shrimpy feels for him. Been driving himself crazy all school year tryin’ to figure that one out.”

“I suspect he’s grown excessively cautious as a result of his fear of rejection,” Jade explains, dragging his fork through the buttercream smeared on his plate.

“But if he confesses now and she doesn’t feel the same, he’ll have all summer to recover.” Kalim turns his stare on you next. “(Name)’s always been nice. I’m sure she wouldn’t shatter his heart.”

“When you’re Azul, even the tiniest push is enough.” 

“Really? But he’s always so strong!”

Jade hums. “Three hearts are quite the boon-burden.”

“Only makes lovin’ someone that much worse. Cuz then you’re lovin’ ’em three times as much.”

“Isn’t that good? I think it’s sweet Azul cares about (Name) so much.”

“Sweet…” Jade shares a look with Floyd. Something unspoken passes between them. “Yes, I suppose that’s one way to put it.”

“Azul thinks it’s a pain in the ass. Throws him off his course and he loooves bein’ on his course.” 

Kalim stares a moment longer. “Maybe he needs a push in the right direction.”

“Liquid courage works wonders—”

“—or gives way to woe.”

“Nothing like that.” He doesn’t elaborate further, instead getting up and padding over to the bar with a cheerful bounce in his steps. “Hey, everyone, let’s take a picture!”

Riddle welcomes him with a warm smile. “Ah, hello there, Kalim.”

“You seem to be enjoying yourself,” Jamil comments, arms folding across his chest. Which, arguably, is worse because it can only spell trouble should Kalim find himself inspired.

“Way ahead of you!” You hold your Ghost Camera up, turning the lens on Kalim. Lighting up like the very sun in the sky, he poses just as you snap a photo. It takes a few moments for it to develop, but once it does you hand it over to him for his perusal. “Looking good as always.”

“Aww, thanks! Okay, your turn next! Let’s get a big group photo and then individual photos.” With the camera now in his possession, Kalim’s free to fidget with it as he pleases. “Ooh, this is neat!”

“Careful with that!” Jamil bounds forward just in case. “The Headmage gave that to (Name). Don’t break it.”

“I won’t,” Kalim promises, holding it up to capture you and Jamil in its sight. “I think I’ve got it! Everyone, group up! Picture time!”

There’s lots of fumbling. An argument about height breaks out. Floyd pokes fun at Riddle for having to stand in front to account for his height. Riddle fumes, red with anger, and stomps his foot indignantly—all while insisting he’s still growing. You offer to stand beside him, but he hisses at you like a cat: “Don’t patronize me! I’m of perfect, healthy stature for someone my age!”

Kalim looks on from behind the camera. “Actually, can we get (Name) and Azul together first?”

Azul, who had been in the process of adding to the joke with a comment of his own, hesitates. He peers at Kalim, his walls rising. “Me?”

“Yeah! Only fair to put you front and center. You’re the host, after all!”

“Ah, right. Of course. But then—”

“Why me?” you ask, confused. “If anything, I should stay out of the picture. I’m not a third year like the rest of you.”

Kalim gasps, scandalized. “We can’t do that! It doesn’t matter what year you are. You’re still our friend, and parties are for everyone to enjoy.”

“Doesn’t that throw off the original plan?” Ruggie wonders, munching on a frosted donut.

“Kalim, we need to account for height. Riddle can’t stand in the back.” Jamil glances apologetically at Riddle. “That’s just the reality of it.”

Riddle huffs, refusing to dignify that with a response.

“I’ll stand in the front,” Silver offers.

“What? No, that’s not the issue here, Silver.”

“It’s not? I thought we were picking who stands beside (Name).”

“Ooh, I wanna stand with Shrimpy!” Floyd wraps his arms around you from behind, resting his chin on your head. “C’mon, Sea Otter, take our pic!”

Jamil sighs. “All of you…”

“Shall we take individual photos with (Name) first?” Jade suggests, smiling placidly at Kalim.

This time the message is received loud and clear. “Oh, great idea, Jade! Azul and (Name), could you stand next to each other?”

The group disperses to allow you and Azul to do just that. Rigidly, Azul steps closer. He keeps a healthy distance between your bodies, one Jade picks up on right away.

“Please smile and pretend like you love each other,” he instructs, to which Azul flusters.

“W-What? Jade, that’s—”

“C’mere, Ashengrotto! I don’t bite!”

With a joyous laugh, you wrap your arm around Azul’s waist and drag him in close. He stumbles, flushed in the face, just as the camera flashes. The corresponding photo slides out next, blank for a while. Eventually, the image begins to show up with striking clarity.

“How’s it look? Great, right?” As soon as it happened, it’s gone—your warmth. The comfort of being held. Azul almost pursues you when you release him from your grasp and move towards Kalim to inspect the photo. Thankfully, he catches himself. “Hey, this is nice! Good job.”

You and Kalim share a high-five.

“Me next, Sea Otter!” Floyd crowds in, baring his pointed teeth in an unruly grin.

With everyone’s attention on you, Kalim, and the camera, Azul’s left to stand behind in silence. Anticipating the rainless deluge, Jade lingers within earshot.

“I know,” he mutters in a brittle tone. “Don’t say a word.”

“Not a peep. Although if I may share just a tiny tidbit… Kalim offered some very helpful advice. You may want to hear it.”

Azul stares at him, stunned. “You told Kalim?”

“Not directly, no. It was implied.” Jade averts his mismatched eyes on purpose. “More or less.”

“I should’ve made you and Floyd sign NDAs…”

“Is it really so sensitive?”

“Yes! Yes, of course it is!” Azul deflates with a sigh, looking on mournfully. You’re trying to snatch the camera from Floyd’s hands. He holds it up and out of reach, laughing raucously. “What did he say?”

“If you confess now, you’ll have the entire summer to mend your tattered heart.”

Azul barks out a short, hollow laugh. “In an ideal world, that’s easy.”

“You’re making it more difficult than it needs to be.” Jade issues an encouraging smile. “What’s the worst that can happen?”

“Are you seriously asking that?”

“It’s just something to consider.”

A minute ticks between them. Jade watches the scene alongside Azul, delighting in distant chaos.

“I’m afraid, Jade,” he admits quietly, the confession as soft and fragile as a single breath. “She’s everything and I’m…nothing.”

Jade frowns in disagreement.

“I’ve looked at it from every conceivable angle. There isn’t any calculated risk to be made—no potential profit or success to be had.”

“Are you certain?”

“Very.”

“Well, it doesn’t hurt to get it off your chest. We have a few weeks left before the break. If not your heart, perhaps you could establish a means to communicate?”

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt… For the sake of networking—”

Jade chuckles. “Networking? Is that it?”

Azul scowls. “You’re awfully irritating tonight.”

“I’m not the one with his tentacles tied, hopelessly infatuated.” 

“You—”

“(Name), there’s something Azul would like to tell you,” Jade announces, and you turn to look at him.

Azul thinks he should just go ahead and die right there. Is it possible to spontaneously combust if he thinks about it long enough? Is such a phenomenon magic? All he needs to do is visualize it and then the spark will catch and—

“Yeah? What’s up, Azul?”

Azul flounders, his concentration broken. Like he’s done so many times in the past, he plasters his trademark smirk-grin on and falls into the shoes of the sleazy conman. “If you ever find yourself in need of study materials even after I’ve graduated, do not hesitate to contact me and I—”

You laugh. “I think I’ll be good. Thanks, though.”

With withering confidence, he chuckles. “I could give you quite the deal. You’d be missing out…”

You roll your eyes, unconvinced.

Jade—annoying, asshole Jade—brushes past, smooth as sea glass. “I shall take my leave, but please continue your chat. I believe there’s a camera waiting to capture the memory of me.”

Now it’s just you and Azul. He clears his throat, suddenly awkward.

“(Name), I—”

“Azul—”

“Oh.” He stares at you, a smile twitching on his lips. “You first.”

“No, no, you spoke before me.”

“Ah. Well…”

If you confess now, you’ll have the entire summer to mend your tattered heart. As if a love that’s been flowering for two years could possibly be resolved within the span of a few months.

He tries again even though it’s not what he really wants to say. “I do hope you’ll have a pleasant summer.”

“You as well.” You nudge him. “Kick ass at your internship.”

“I intend to.” Right. Internship. Work. Business. He can hold a normal conversation if that’s the topic. “And you? Do you plan to stay here?”

“Yeah. Crowley’s letting Grim and me live on campus since we don’t have anywhere else to go. I’ll work part-time in Craneport. Summer is a great season for tourism, but I shouldn’t have to tell you that.”

Azul laughs. “If it’s a family, they may spend more on kid’s menus for the novelty of it all. Be sure to talk it up to truly sell it. All children deserve to know the magic of a seasonal menu, do they not? Food in fun shapes. Fairy tales and sparkles. All of that razzmatazz. It’s the experience they’re paying for, after all.”

“Is that advice free?”

“Is it?”

“Fine, fine.” You dig through your pocket and hand him the photo from earlier. “Your payment, good sir. A memento of me.”

Azul takes it from you, admires your effortlessly pretty smile, and then freezes. “Oh, I look positively dreadful!”

“Not at all. It adds character.”

“A horrid sort of character.”

You sidle up beside him, peering at the picture. “I like it. It’s a photo of an imperfect Azul.”

“What an ambiguous compliment.”

“I’m serious! It’s Azul when he’s not acting. I like imperfect Azul. He’s authentic. A real person.” You pat him on the shoulder. He stiffens, betraying his initial nonchalance. “Or maybe not. One day I’ll catch you off guard.”

“We’ll see.”

“One day…” Your attention is stolen when you catch sight of the group attempting to bunch together for a selfie. Offering Azul that same smile he’s admired ever since he saw it, you add, “Have a fun summer. Don’t be a stranger next year, okay?” And then you’re bounding across the lounge. “Wait for me! I want in, too!”

For the rest of the semester, Azul keeps the photo tucked away in his phone case.

I have time to mull over the pros and cons, he tells himself when he departs through the mirror, summer break at his fingertips.

ii. summer - maybe i’m just too good. maybe i’ll run away. maybe i’m over you. maybe i shouldn’t stay. maybe i just don’t care. maybe i talk too much.

It occurs to you, while sorting through the photos you’ve taken throughout this past school year, that there’s an absurd amount of Azul. Whether on his own or with others, he appears in more photos than anyone else. You wonder how that happened—how you managed to be there for so many of his moments, each one documented in photographic permanence.

Some of them are humorous. Azul looking unimpressed when you lifted your camera to capture him. Grim jumping into his arms to demand snacks. His glasses sitting crooked on his face. Some of them are endearing. Azul reading in a comfortable nook in the library. Azul smiling fondly at the lens during an alchemy lesson. Azul laughing after you cracked a joke during PE. Some of them are animated. Azul waving at you from across the courtyard. Azul rolling his eyes at a dull pun. Azul playfully blowing a kiss to the camera after you told him to do something memorable. Some are special. Azul in his birthday robes. Azul during that time Mostro Lounge became a butler café for one week. Azul on his last day of the semester, leveling the camera with a roguish smirk.

This one—the most recent and last photo taken of him—is especially important. It’s the conversation that prompted an unforgettable expression that fills you with butterflies whenever you recall it.

“I think you’ll miss me,” you told him, elbowing him for good measure.

“I think I will,” he replied, his lips curling.

Unequipped to deliver a witty retort, you could only gawk.

“Don’t tell me that’s all it takes to shock you into silence.” He chuckled, and there was that infamous smirk-grin—sitting so perfectly on his face, as if it was meant to be there for this very exchange. “You’re too easy, (Name). Where’s the challenge?”

Wordlessly, you raised your Ghost Camera and snapped his picture.

There are so many facets to his person that you’ve managed to catch on your camera—complex layers you wouldn’t have otherwise witnessed if you hadn’t spent so much time around him.

Now you realize why you have an abundance of Azul photos.

We sure hung out a lot this year, and every time I had my camera…

Is he your muse? Is he just naturally photogenic? He fits into plenty of backgrounds, but it’s never the scenery that fascinates and bewitches. It’s always his expression, his body language, his emotions. And the reason all of these photos are so important is because this is an Azul who is comfortable enough to show these sides to you. An Azul who wants you to document his best and his worst, his beautiful and his ugly, his silly and his serious.

Sitting at your desk, thumbing through stacks of photos, you know he’s more than a muse. As you watch Azul move in various pictures, you wonder what he’s doing. It’s only a month into summer, but everything feels so slow. Campus has cleared out, and with it the lounge has closed for the season. You’re certain he still has his ways of making profit and spreading word of its wonders. Azul isn’t foolish. He’s always working an angle. Endlessly clever and stubbornly ambitious.

Does he miss me, too? you think, running your finger over his smiling face. Or was that just something he said to get a reaction?

Just then, a gut-wrenching thought lodges itself deep: Are we even friends? What if he thinks I’m a nuisance? Maybe he’s just tolerating me and all this time I’ve been delusional.

You glimpse the photos again, watching Azul laugh soundlessly in an animated loop. What am I to you, Azul?

As if on cue, having sensed your sadness, arms wrap around you from behind. For a second you think it’s Grim, but then you see distinctly human hands clasping together. You whirl, startled out of your skin, to find Azul Ashengrotto standing there.

“Wha… What?”

He’s…here. Azul is standing in your bedroom.

You blink once and he remains. You blink twice and he’s still there, gazing down at you with soft, smiling features.

“Hello to you as well.”

“Hey…?” You pat his cheek and flinch away. “Oh, you’re real!”

“Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I be?” Chuckling, he withdraws and moves to stand at your deskside. “I’m wounded. To think you would forget me just like that. And I thought I was plenty memorable.” He blows you a mock kiss then, and that’s when it finally strikes you.

This isn’t your Azul. This is an Azul from your photos.

How is this even possible? you think, scrambling to find which picture—which memory—he’s from. In doing so, you remember a particularly unique fact about the Ghost Camera. It’s a magical device that allows a photographer to capture slivers of their subject’s soul, which gives way to a special sort of connection known as a soulbond. The deeper the bond, the more likely the person in the photographs is to take on animation and, in some cases, slip out of the image that contains them.

So this is Azul from the time at which he was last photographed, you determine, holding up pictures to match his corporeal likeness to that of the scenery. The Ghost Camera is so cool…

“I missed you, you know.”

“Did you now?” He leans in close, curious. “How much?”

You push him away with a weak scoff. This isn’t good for your heart. Any closer and you might say something you’ll come to regret.

“Not as much as you think.”

“Is that so?” His gaze pans over to the pile of photos on your desk. “And these photos are simply here for convenience?”

“D-Don’t worry about it! Summer project. You wouldn’t get it.”

He flashes his teeth at you in a bright, competitive grin. “Try me.”

“You’re so nosy. Don’t you get tired of prying?”

“Not in the slightest.” He leans against the desk, his arms folding casually over his chest. “That’s besides the point. You’re avoiding the subject at hand.”

You turn in your chair and open your mouth to reply—why are you so invested in this?—but a better idea crops up. Meeting his cerulean stare with fierce, fiery eyes, you challenge him: “If it matters so much to you, I could be convinced to share my plans for the small price of one kiss. A real kiss. Not that fake one from before.”

Azul blinks back at you, a smirk crawling onto his face. “Is that all you desire?”

“What do you mean by—”

Your question is cut off when another set of arms embraces you from behind. Warm, soft lips press against your cheek; his breath tickles your ear.

“Are two not better than one?”

With a yelp, you jerk back so fast that you almost fall out of your chair. Standing there, looking very proud of himself, is another Azul. But this one, unlike Dorm Azul, is dressed in his school uniform. A very helpful distinction.

“D-Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

It’s the only coherent sentence you can manage. Your mind is a panicked muddle: I can’t believe it. Two Azuls. Am I dreaming? This is definitely a dream, right? There’s no way he’d kiss me on the…

You slap your hand over your cheek, gasping. “Y-You kissed me?!”

“Is that not the price you wanted me to pay?” School Azul asks, one brow raised as if daring you to deny that fact.

Dorm Azul’s fingers curl under your chin, guiding your gaze towards him. “Unless you’d like to raise the price…”

You swallow thickly. This can’t be happening.

“Of course, in raising the price, it’s expected you raise the value of the information you’re willing to divulge,” School Azul adds with a chuckle. “Is that not fair?”

You shrink under both of their insistent stares. “W-Why do you even wanna know?”

“Why not? Any information is good information so long as it’s useful.”

You scoff, but it comes out choked and shy. “I… I’m going to use these photos to put together a present for you. I know your birthday’s so far away, but I’m getting a head start.”

“And this present would entail…?”

You click your tongue at him. “I already paid my half for that kiss. No more.”

“Aah, is that right?” Dorm Azul leans in, kissing dangerously close to your lips. You reach up to touch the corner of your mouth after he’s pulled away. “How much for the full story?”

“How much are you willing to pay?”

School Azul rests his chin on your shoulder. His hands settle on your waist, pulling you up from your seat. This proximity allows you to feel his hair as it brushes against your face. Dorm Azul closes the distance as if it’s second nature, and now you’re sandwiched between the both of them.

Your heart stumbles in your chest. He’s quite literally surrounding you, but you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

“A very valid question.” Dorm Azul glances coyly at School Azul. “What do you think, Me?”

“Will we be enough for you, (Name)?” he purrs, rubbing slow circles into your hips.

You’re dizzy in their arms, your entire body warming with anticipation and embarrassment alike. Is it okay to be selfish? Even though this isn’t technically Azul—just mere memories of him—it seems so real. He’s holding you, touching you, reaching for you…

“Hmm. Two does seem to be a bit much.”

“Let’s call it a holiday and say it’s seasonal spoiling.”

“A gift for the summer.”

“Do open the window to let in the breeze. The heat is prone to making one feel rather…stuffy.”

They’re doing this on purpose. Maybe another Azul is more troublesome than I once thought. I can only handle so much charm!

Shrugging off self-doubt, you grab Dorm Azul by his lapels and yank him towards you, sealing the space that once separated your mouths in a hungry kiss. He melts against you, eyes fluttering shut. It’s quick and starved, the way you chase each other’s lips. You cling to him before you can fall, arms looped around his neck to keep him near.

Fully clothed and achingly desperate, you loathe the unbearable heat, but nothing is more molten than the space between your thighs.

Meanwhile, School Azul takes his sweet time running his hands along your sides, up the length of your body until he reaches your chest. With his form pinned to yours, you can feel his erection pressing against your ass. Rather shamelessly, he rolls his hips. You’re pushed up against Dorm Azul next, who takes hold of your hand and guides it to the strain in his slacks. He pulls away briefly to allow School Azul to slide your shirt up and over your head.

“Were you anticipating this?” he whispers, taking hold of your breasts.

“No way,” you protest between kisses. “Not… No. K-Keep dreaming. It’s too much trouble to wear one in the summer. Gets hot and—”

Dorm Azul captures your lips in another ravenous smooch, and the objection dies in your throat.

“There’s no need for these pesky articles where I’m from,” School Azul murmurs. He presses kisses into your bare shoulder, humming his very obvious delight. “You’d have already been laid out beneath me if that were the case… Soft and sweet, all mine to love at the bottom of the sea…”

“Humans have so many steps,” Dorm Azul laments, tutting.

“And merfolk don’t?” You try to sound smart with your question, but it comes out breathless when your nipple’s twisted between two fingers. “Oh…”

“Not when it comes to clothing. The very concept doesn’t exist beneath the waves.”

“You could visit sometime and see for yourself. I’ll welcome you with open arms.” Dorm Azul rests his forehead against yours. “And maybe then you’ll find yourself so taken with my home that you’ll want to stay.”

“A tempting offer.”

“But?” he prompts, his gaze falling to your hand as you palm him through his pants. He inhales a shaky breath.

“What’s stopping you?” the other Azul asks, his voice muffled in your skin.

“Firstly, I’m not a mer.”

“My dear, that’s nothing. Have you forgotten my proficiency in potionology?”

“And how much will one of your potions cost? I’d love to visit, but if it’s going to bankrupt me—”

“For you, a single kiss is all I require.”

“Isn’t that awfully cheap?”

Dorm Azul chuckles at this back-and-forth. “You say that as if you want me to charge an exorbitant amount.”

Glaring, you squeeze him out of revenge. His laughter comes out choked next, replaced with a needy whimper. Unbelievable.

“Maybe I do.”

“I would be careful with those words, dearest. I might take them to heart.”

He ruts against your hand, panting into your mouth. The kiss is sloppy and wet, all tongue and saliva. You move on instinct, grabbing at his shoulders when you’re taken to bed next. Both Azuls peer down at you from where they kneel on either side of you. They issue you hazy, lust-drunk smiles. Hands wander, feeling every inch you have to offer. You shut your eyes and submit to titillating touches.

“You really did miss me,” School Azul remarks when his fingers slip into your shorts to rub you through your sodden panties. Your breath hitches, a strangled whine squeezed from your throat, and he laughs. “I missed you, too.”

“I really like you,” you blurt, chest heaving with your every breath. He squeezes your clit to draw another sinful groan from you. “I think—Azul, you’re so—I think you’re so amazing… I wish we talked more. The year—aah… It went by so fast.”

“It did, didn’t it?”

“I wanna know you—the real you. I wanna know what Azul’s like when he’s comfortable and when he’s sad and when he’s happy. I wanna—ooh! Please… Please, Azul…” You grab fistfuls of the sheets, arching up towards the hands that caress your stomach lovingly. “I just want you.”

“And you’ll have me,” he—you’re not sure which—promises, leaning over to kiss you. It’s soulful passion, lust bleeding into love. Your cries are lost on his lips when you come undone beneath him, buoyant on a mellow wave.

You sense the loss before you see it.

Half-nude and gasping for breath, you stare up at the ceiling. Your bedroom is empty. All that remains of the Azuls are the animated memories imprinted on the photographs.

“I’m losing my mind…” you mutter, draping your arm over your eyes.

Please let summer pass quickly.

iii. winter - maybe all we are is fools with hearts that tried too hard. and maybe that’s just fine as long as you’re here in my arms.

Azul paces restlessly in his VIP room. It’s been months since he’s seen you, but his heart hasn’t swayed in the slightest. If anything, he’s only grown fonder in the time spent apart. Absence… What a bothersome thing.

“You’re gonna walk yourself into the floor, y’know. Your shoes’ll be all worn out by the time you’re done.”

“I’m aware,” Azul quips, uncharacteristically jittery. He turns towards Floyd. “Do I look presentable? Is anything crooked or misplaced? How about my hair?”

“You’re fine.” At Azul’s disbelieving glower, Floyd pouts. “I mean it. Shrimpy’s gonna like it either way.”

He bristles, defensive. “Who said anything about (Name)?”

“No one, but you’re thinkin’ it.”

“I… T-That’s besides the point! It doesn’t matter. She’s only here because I invited her. Common courtesy and all that.”

“Mm, I dunno about that one.”

Azul frowns at the vault set into the wall behind his desk. If only he could pack all of his fears in there and lock them away for good. Then he could continue masquerading as someone fearless and confident. With winter having descended upon campus, bringing with it layers of fluffy, glittering snow, and the cultural festival having concluded successfully, Azul finds himself lost.

This is the last birthday he’ll celebrate at Night Raven College and, subsequently, the last February he’ll spend with you. He’s running out of time.

“Invitation or not, Shrimpy’ll always wish you a happy birthday. S’not like her to forget. Plus, she cares about ya.”

“You can’t be sure of that.”

Azul’s tone is so sharp that Floyd raises his hands in defense. “Guess not.”

“What would you do?” He inhales a wobbly breath. “If you were in my shoes…”

Floyd scratches the back of his neck, contemplative. “Dunno. Guess I’d wait for the right moment and say somethin’ to get it outta my system.”

Azul sighs. “Jade said something similar.”

“He ain’t wrong.”

“I’m not prepared.”

“No one is.” Floyd smiles at Azul’s baffled expression. “C’mon, Azul, you can plan all you want, but you know life’s never gonna go the way you want it to. S’just how it is.”

“Even so, it’s better to know all viable routes and options before diving into uncharted waters.”

“That’s just it. You can’t know. S’kinda the whole point, ain’t it?”

“I can’t do it,” he decides, the words heavy on his tongue. “I’d rather accept my future failure now than continue working towards it.”

“Like a coward.”

“Far from it! In business, that’s known as rescission. It is a completely valid method of—”

“You ever realize your feelings and business are two separate things? Not everything’s gotta be about business.”

Azul stands there, nonplussed.

Floyd makes for the door, stopping only to add, “Your fly’s unzipped, by the way.”

“You—” He scrambles to check. Much to his relief, it’s not. “Honestly… That’s not even funny.”

He smooths nonexistent wrinkles, schools his expression into something brave, and exhales slowly. I’m not going to ruin an occasion as grand as this with a half-baked confession.

Having made up his mind, he steps through the door out into the bustling lounge. Like clockwork, all eyes turn to him. He searches the crowd for you, hopeful. But before he can locate you, party poppers resound with a loud bang. Confetti trickles down like colorful rainfall, landing on his suit and getting stuck in his hair.

“Happy birthday, Azul!”

He wants to run and hide. He wants to dive into the sea and seek solace in his favorite octopus pot. He wants to bury himself in the sand and disappear.

Instead, he smiles and spreads his arms like he’s just pulled off an astounding magic trick. “Why, thank you, everyone! I’m pleased you could make it. Do enjoy yourselves to the fullest tonight.”

Cheers erupt amongst the partygoers, but they might as well be on a completely different island. Azul turns, hoping to make his rounds and escape, but Kalim intercepts him. Jamil isn’t far behind.

“Azul, happy birthday!” Kalim smiles just as Jamil catches up.

He passes two expertly wrapped gifts into Azul’s empty hands. “On behalf of Kalim and myself, thank you for the invitation.”

“Yeah, super thanks! It’s been so much fun. I hope you’ll like your gift, but if you don’t just let me know and I’ll get you something else. Whatever you want! You deserve it on your special day.”

Azul looks past him, not in the mood to entertain. “Yes, of course. It’s not a problem.”

Jamil raises a brow, but then it clicks. “(Name) wanted me to pass on her regards.”

As expected, that draws his attention. “Why’s that?”

“She wasn’t sure if she’d get to see you on your big, busy day.” Jamil eyes Azul knowingly.

Kalim nods. “We ran into her on the way here, but she said to go on without her.”

Azul doesn’t like the way they’re both looking at him—as if they’re in on some joke he’s not currently aware of.

“Well,” he says, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, “her regards are well-received.”

“You’re not going to meet her?”

“It’s my big, busy day, isn’t it? I’m afraid she’ll have to catch me at her earliest convenience.” Azul, gifts in hand, smiles. “Please do enjoy the party, you two. Thank you again for your thoughtful gifts and birthday wishes.”

On his way to the table designed for gifts, Azul spots Riddle, Silver, and Ruggie. They stand off to the side, chatting amongst themselves. He supposes, if anything, he might as well say hello. Setting the gifts down, Azul struts over.

“Good evening, gentlemen. I do hope you’re enjoying yourselves.”

“You know it. Parties at Octavinelle are always somethin’ else,” Ruggie says. Unsurprisingly, he’s done well to fix himself a plate and more. With him around Azul doesn’t have to fret over food waste.

“Your presentation at the cultural festival was very informative, if I may say so,” Riddle commends, sipping his fizzy beverage.

“As was yours.” Azul’s smile tightens. For some reason, he’s always felt the need to walk on eggshells around Riddle. And for good reason, too! Whatever Azul seems to accomplish, no matter how lofty a feat, Riddle seems to do better. “I’m sure you’ve had quite the rewarding experience yourself.”

“Indeed.”

“It’s good timing,” Silver notes, and all eyes drift towards him. Azul perks up. Timing. He needs more of that. “Your birthday came right after the festival. It’s almost like celebrating your hard work and another healthy year all in one.”

“Never thought about it that way. Guess it makes sense when you put it like that.” Ruggie grins cheekily. “Lucky you, Azul.”

“I wouldn’t call it luck. The dates just happened to align… Either way, thank you, Silver. I’m pleased you can look at it with such inspiring positivity.”

“You catch up with (Name) yet?”

“No? Am I meant to?”

“Just asking.” Ruggie shrugs. “She had me run a few errands for her yesterday. Said it was all for your sake, but when I tried to get more info outta her she told me I’d have to wait for ‘the big reveal’—whatever that is.”

Now everyone’s looking at him. Azul feels small.

“With how often I’ve heard her name tonight, I’d think she’s the one with the birthday.”

“Is she really so popular today? Odd. I haven’t had the chance to greet her,” Riddle muses.

“I thought I saw her this afternoon.” Silver furrows his brow, uncertain. “She seems busy.”

“Which is precisely why I can’t fathom the insistence that I ought to have met with her already.”

Ruggie tilts his head. “That the only reason?”

Just how many people are in on this asinine joke? More importantly, which eel is he going to have to wring out for spilling a not-so-secret secret?

Azul realizes his mask is slipping and so he repairs it expertly. If Ruggie takes notice of this, he doesn’t say anything. “It’s bad manners to show up late to a party. I’m sure one of us will agree.”

Riddle nods, but his words are surprisingly lenient. “Life happens. I suppose we can’t fault (Name) entirely.”

“She’ll make it. I’m sure she will. Don’t worry, Azul,” Silver reassures.

He’s not. He won’t. He isn’t.

“If the world was ending tomorrow,” Ruggie says, sliding into a new subject with practiced finesse, “what would you all do?”

“The end of the world…” Riddle frowns. “That’s impossible.”

“It’s a hypothetical. Anything’s possible.”

Silver hums thoughtfully. “I’d spend what time I have left with my loved ones.”

“You sure you’re not just gonna go running back to Briar Valley to protect Malleus?”

“As a guard it’s my duty, but fighting against the inevitable would be pointless.” Silver looks to the rest of them for their input. “If the world is ending and there’s nothing a guard like myself can do to prevent it, then I can only offer what’s left of my time.”

“So companionship. Okay, good to know. What about you, Riddle?”

He huffs. “I refuse to let the world end before I’ve accomplished my goals.”

“Yikes. You academic types don’t rest, do you?”

“No, no, it’s true,” Azul pipes up. “I agree. Why am I going to let the world get in the way of my plans?”

“So both of you are going to resist it until the very end?”

“You said anything can happen in a hypothetical, yes?” Riddle smirks. “In my hypothetical the world says it’ll end tomorrow, but it never does. It keeps saying so like it’s a faulty forecast. The end of the world is scheduled for next week, the week after, three weeks from now. By then, a year’s passed and the world still hasn’t ended.”

Ruggie groans. “That defeats the whole purpose of my question. You can’t give yourself more time when it’s already so limited.”

“Anything is possible if you know what you’re working with,” Azul adds, nodding alongside Riddle. “I quite like this hypothetical.”

“Leave it to the honors students to logic it out and make it more complicated than it needs to be…”

“You wouldn’t spend it with your loved ones?” Silver asks, but it appears as if the question is directed entirely at Azul. “I think I’d want to tell them the things I never got to say. Things I put off saying… Would you do that, too, Azul?”

“I…” He shuts his mouth and then opens it. “I’m not sure what I could possibly say within such a limited timeframe.”

“It doesn’t have to be complex.”

“I guess a good, old ‘love you lots’ is better than nothing,” Ruggie says.

Azul stops short. The end of the world. Time. Loss. Loved ones.

Time! He’s running out of time!

“Well, this was quite the lively discussion, but I’m afraid I’ll have to excuse myself now. There are a few more people I must meet.” Azul smiles gratefully at the three of them. They wish him another happy birthday before he finally departs, his heart in his throat.

He’s running out of time.

Logically, Azul knows the feeling doesn’t reflect his reality. It’s not as if he has to confess by the end of the school year. Logically, he has his entire life to confess. But who’s to say you’ll stay in his life after he graduates? You might be gone by the time he finally finds the right words, the right time, the right circumstance.

You can plan all you want, but you know life’s never gonna go the way you want it to.

Floyd’s right. There’s no way of knowing for sure until he does it. There’s no way to know what lies in those uncharted waters until he dives in. There’s no way to know where your heart lies until he confesses.

The world isn’t going to end tomorrow, but if he doesn’t say what he needs to before graduation he’ll never have another chance. And then that world—the world contained within NRC’s boundaries—will implode and that will be that.

At that very moment, a camera flashes. He spins around to search the photographer out and—

There you are, striding through throngs of people to reach him. There you are, dressed for the occasion. There you are, wearing that pretty smile he sees in his dreams.

“Happy birthday!” You turn the photo towards him for his viewing pleasure. It’s of him, staring off into space. He looks so stone-faced with his knitted brows and pursed lips. “Sorry about showing up late. I had to add the finishing touches to your present.”

You hand it to him. The amateur wrapping job makes the gift appear more lumpy than it actually is. It’s heavy like a textbook. Shaped as such, too. Azul wonders what its contents could be. Perhaps something relating to economics? A novel in a particular genre?

“Thank you very much. I’ll take good care of both.” He tucks the picture into his breastpocket, battling the urge to tear into your gift now. He needs to know. What did you get him? What could it possibly be? “I’m glad you could make it.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world!”

“Even if the world was ending?”

“Uh… What?”

“Ah, never mind that. It was simply a lingering thought from a previous conversation.”

“That’s so grim! And on your birthday, no less.”

Azul waves his hand through the air. A playful smile draws his lips apart. “Can you believe Riddle said he’d make the apocalypse wait on his behalf?”

“Seriously?” You snort, eyes brightening with amusement. “Even the apocalypse gets a schedule…”

He barks out a laugh. “Insanity, isn’t it?”

“Maybe for us, but definitely not for Riddle.” You glance at him. “What about you? What does Azul Ashengrotto’s last day look like?”

He intends to answer with something prepackaged: Awash in success until the very end!

“Alone.”

“Really? No friends or family by your side?”

“Would that make it better? Perhaps being surrounded by others only intensifies the dread.”

There’s some sort of symbolism in coming into the world alone and going out the same. Azul just can’t quite phrase it eloquently.

“Maybe there’s no right answer. Maybe there’s not any comfort in it either.” You run your fingers over the edges of your Ghost Camera. “We can’t know what lies ahead until we’re there. Maybe that’s why we spend so much time theorizing.”

“Quite the insightful judgment.”

“For the record, I wouldn’t mind being your plus-one for the end of the world.”

“I’m flattered.” He grins. “I shall be yours in return.”

“No strings attached?”

“All the strings attached. So many,” he exaggerates.

“No fair!”

Silence fills in the cracks. You stand side by side, drinking in Mostro Lounge’s upbeat atmosphere. After some time, you nudge him.

“Look at us, speaking about all of these sad things. It’s your birthday, not a funeral!”

He wonders if now’s a good time. Should he lighten the mood and confess? But wouldn’t that just make it even more serious and somber? Is there ever going to be an opportune moment?

You can plan all you want, but you know life’s never gonna go the way you want it to.

Surprises. Spontaneity. Luck. All things left to chance. All things Azul attempts to anticipate. He thinks back on the many plans and what-ifs he calculated and wonders if it was worth it.

“(Name), I just wanted to say—” He stops himself, his fingers curling around the gift cradled in his arms. I love you and I want you in my life. I don’t want the world to end here with you and me. I want to know what lies beyond and experience it with you—the good and the bad. Everything. “I just wanted to thank you.”

For being my friend. For being yourself. For existing in the same world as me, even if it feels like we’re doomed to be islands apart.

“What’s this? Genuine thanks? Am I going to find an anemone on my head next?”

“That can be arranged. Isn’t it tradition to grant the person of the hour one birthday favor?”

“Hah! You wish!”

I do. I really do.

The party wears on into the night. Azul repeats the same mantra as before: I have time.

When he’s in his room, gifts piled high on his desk, he sits back in his seat and carefully unwraps yours. It’s a book, leather-bound and regal. It looks expensive. While attempting to approximate its value, he reads the title spelled out with alphabet stickers: My Azul. His brow furrows. Just what are you playing at here?

Cautiously, he opens the book to the first page. Your writing winks back at him: Happy birthday, Azul! This is my gift to you. It’s a chronological journal of your school life! :D People often say it’s difficult to picture themselves through the eyes of others, so I wanted to show you what I see every time I look at you. I hope you’ll never forget just how important you are. If you ever do, open this book to remind yourself.

With love always,

(Name).

“Curious,” he mumbles, flipping the page. The layout reminds him of a scrapbook. You’ve decorated it with stickers and patterned tape, scrawled words in different colored inks. There are two photographs—each from Azul’s second year. He’d forgotten about these. That time it snowed so much the students had a snowball fight in the courtyard. That time an alchemy accident (courtesy of Grim) led to Azul speaking in cat for the rest of the day.

In the center, a small blurb reads: My Azul is terrifyingly good at making snowballs within record time, just as he’s terrifyingly good at marketing them at all the right moments. My team was totally losing. Leave it to Azul to swoop in when he knows it’s advantageous… He’s intelligent and passionate. Even when mistakes occur, he works through them effortlessly. (Although it was nice having Catzul for a day!)

He rolls his eyes at that last bit.

The next page displays photos in much the same fashion. You’ve clearly put lots of effort and thought into each arrangement. Azul feels like he’s walking through a museum with every page. Like the first, the rest of the pages that follow include photographs of himself (some with others and some with you) and a short paragraph describing your observations.

His eyes are on the verge of a typhoon as he soaks in every sugared sentence.

My Azul is strong. My Azul is silly. My Azul has the best laugh. My Azul is great at bargaining. My Azul is awkward. My Azul is clumsy (in the best ways). My Azul is resourceful. My Azul makes the best study guides (thank you!!!!). My Azul is a hero. My Azul never gives up. My Azul is a talented mage. My Azul is…

All of these things he’s never heard anyone acknowledge before—have you always seen him in this way? Is this truly what he’s like through your eyes? He finds that hard to believe, and yet there he is on the page, winking at the camera or posing in an outfit from one of the many school trips he’s attended. You’ve added little comments and doodles in the margins and corners. Azul smiles as he reads them.

Noble Bell College sure was something! I’d like to visit again one day…

Vargas Camp was exhausting! I still can’t believe we survived.

Halloween! I want to experience it in the Coral Sea one day. But maybe just for one night. An endless Halloween is too much…

The ceremonial robes are very pretty. They’re so different from the uniforms in my world.

Happy Beans Day! Azul prepares all year for this. That level of commitment is impressive!

Azul reaches the end with watery eyes. He sniffles, so enveloped in a love he’s never felt from any friend before. You care. You truly, honestly care. It’s clear in each and every page—in the words you’ve written. You care about him.

The final page has a blank space the rough shape and size of a photograph. For some reason he understands what he’s meant to do. He slides the photograph you gave him all that time ago from his phone case and pastes it to the space. And then he reads what’s written below.

My Azul keeps all of these walls up in order to protect himself. He’s sensitive and self-conscious. He likes to uphold a perfect image at all times. He likes to keep his weaknesses hidden, his cards close. But then he’s also funny. He’s sincere and gentle. He’s sweet. He’s someone I admire from all sides, good and bad. Even when he’s scheming, even when he’s acting, he’s still Azul. My camera’s captured so many of his moments, which is very apparent now that you’ve made it to the end. But I’m happy to have documented these moments because they showcase everything that makes my Azul himself.

My Azul has never looked “positively dreadful” to my camera. Even on the days where he feels like nothing, my Azul is everything to me. I will always think so.

He’s crying. He can’t help it.

Azul sits there and he sobs.

He sobs until his throat is dry, until his eyes are blotchy and red. He sobs until he can’t anymore.

Holding the book close to his chest, he wonders how he ever managed to befriend someone like you.

An angel. That’s what you are.

An angelfish.

And he’s Azul. Your Azul.

iv. spring - but, baby, i’ll be there. yeah, baby, i’ll be there. it’s been a little hard. i’ve been a little tough. but maybe all along i’m afraid, i’m afraid, i’m afraid. i’m afraid, i’m afraid, i’m afraid.

The air is sweet with the scent of blossoming flowers, thick with pollen. Azul’s chest is light, swelling with excitement. A new chapter is about to begin. In just a few hours he’ll graduate along with the rest of his peers and then it’s off to start another story. For Azul, this is just a continuation of something already so prolific.

He strolls past The Great Seven, pausing briefly to admire the Sea Witch in all of her tentacular glory.

“With this weather, it’s almost difficult to imagine they called for rain.” Jade peers up at the sun, shielding its obtrusive rays with one hand.

“They’re always gettin’ it wrong,” Floyd says, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “So annoying. I was hopin’ it’d rain and then they’d cancel.”

“Unlikely. There are always contingency plans put in place when it comes to an event as momentous as graduation.”

“Bleh. Lame. I wanna skip. I hate bein’ in those stuffy clothes, packed in close like a sardine.”

“If you’re absent, you won’t receive your diploma.”

“What a scam.”

Jade simply smiles. Ironic.

Azul turns around to look at them. “Four years… Gone in a blink. Will either of you miss it?”

“It was certainly enjoyable. I admit there are some aspects I’ll miss quite fiercely.”

“Guess it’ll be a bummer not seein’ everyone all the time. I’m gonna miss playing with Baby Seal and Shrimpy.”

“I’ll miss them, too.” Azul sighs. “(Name) especially…”

“You still haven’t told her?” Floyd raises a brow. “You’re gonna leave without sayin’ a word?”

“That does seem to be the plan,” Jade answers.

“I… I’ve thought it over.” He clears his throat. No time for waterworks. He needs to be in top shape if he’s to deliver the opening speech as Salutatorian. Riddle took first place, which wasn’t a shock to anyone. He always did say he’d make Valedictorian no matter what. Azul had been keen to fight him for it, even if it became clear he’d never surpass him. Second place is irksome, but it has its merits. Although he isn’t going to settle with just that! He’ll get first place one of these days. “We’re better off friends.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Is that enough?”

“Is what enough?”

“Her friendship.”

“It’ll have to be.” Azul’s gaze glazes over.

He’s run out of time, but maybe that’s okay. Maybe that was meant to be.

“Well, let’s not dwell on it any further!” He claps his hands and turns swiftly on his heel. “There’s still work to be done.”

Jade and Floyd exchange furtive glances. They know as well as he does that he’s lying.

But maybe that was also meant to be.

— — —

Crowley tasked you with snapping photos for NRC’s yearbook. “Because I am a paragon of magnanimity,” he said, “I am entrusting this very important task to you once more. Take lots of pictures! Don’t miss a single moment!”

You do just that, photographing the graduates as they wait in a room behind the stage, chattering eagerly amongst themselves. You raise your camera to document Azul when he stands at the podium to give his salutation speech. You do the same for Riddle when it’s his turn. The ceremony is grand, ballooning with emotion. You look on with a cheek-splitting smile, proud of every student who crosses the stage. It’s bittersweet. The friends you made when you were enrolled as a first year are now moving on in life.

Time flies. What a whirlwind year it’s been.

When it’s Azul’s turn and he goes down the line to shake the hands of his professors and Crowley, you wave at him from your place in the audience. He meets your eyes from where he stands, and he smiles.

Your camera catches that moment in perfect permanence.

By the end of it all, your face hurts from smiling, your throat sore from cheering, your hands raw from clapping. Grim grumbles at you to knock it off with the sun shower, your tears dampening his fur. You wipe your eyes and sniffle. “I’m happy for them. It’s a good day.”

He forces his head under your palm, allowing you to pet him and cry through it in peace. He doesn’t say anything. You don’t need him to.

While the graduates meet up with their family and friends, you make your rounds. Kalim introduces you to his parents and siblings—all thirty-something of them. You’re in a daze by the time introductions are finished, and Jamil leans over to whisper, “No need to commit everyone to memory.”

“Have you talked to Azul yet?” Kalim asks after everything has settled down.

You shake your head. “Why? What’s up?”

“Just wanted to ask. I know the Headmage wants you to take lots of pictures.”

“We shouldn’t keep you any longer than we already have,” Jamil adds with a curt nod.

You smile. “Congrats, both of you. Good luck.”

“We gotta keep in touch. Promise me you’ll call whenever you can. You’re always welcome to visit, too! Oh, I’ll go check with my parents now! I’m sure they’ll say yes!” Kalim bounds off in their direction.

“Just let me know well in advance. That way I can plan for proper accommodations,” Jamil says, following Kalim with sharp eyes.

“I’ll do that.” You turn to leave and then stop. “I hope you get your vacation one day, Jamil.”

He stares at you, mystified, before a gentle smile softens on his face. “One day,” he echoes. “I hope you’ll find your way home.”

“One day.”

The two of you share a final look before going your separate ways.

Surrounded in such an energetic environment, talking to and meeting families, you find yourself longing for your loved ones. So much time has passed. You wonder how they’re doing. Are they well? Are they worried?

“Aah, it’s Shrimpy!” Floyd crashes into you with so much force you nearly topple. He steadies you with a giggle. “Where’s Baby Seal?”

“Left to gorge on refreshments. Hey, since you’re here, can I get your picture?”

“Course you can.”

Detaching himself, he poses for you. You take a few photos, mirroring his good mood.

“Are your parents around?”

“Mhm!”

“Seriously? They came?”

“Course they did.”

“Did they take transformation potions?”

Floyd nods. “Pops does land business sometimes, so he’s used to it. Mama doesn’t leave home much. She’s real bad at walking on her feet.”

“Ah, got it.”

Floyd grins down at you. “You wanna meet ’em?”

“Maybe later… I’ve gotta keep taking photos.”

“I gotcha. Make sure to snap a few of Azul.”

“Right! Speaking of him, where is he? I’ve spoken to everyone but him.”

Floyd peers out across a sea of faces, scanning each one like a predator sizing up his next meal. “He’s avoidin’ ya.”

“What? Why?”

“Why don’tcha ask him when you see him? Bet he’ll have a fun answer for ya.”

You would, if only you could find him. As the afternoon wears on, you begin to lose hope. If he’s truly hiding from you, he’s doing a great job of it. After what feels like hours of walking in aimless circles, you take pause to consider the situation. If you were Azul and you wanted to hide away for a little while, where would you go?

To someplace familiar. To someplace comfortable. To someplace quiet.

He’s pacing in front of Ramshackle when you arrive. You open the gate and step through, taking each step one at a time. Once you’re within a close enough proximity, you make your presence known.

“Azul?”

He startles and whips around. As soon as he sees you, he lurches forward, intending to leave.

You block his path. “Hey, wait! What gives? I’ve been looking all over for you. Floyd told me you’re avoiding me.”

“Floyd doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

“But I’m sure you do. So what’s up?”

“It’s…nothing. I merely wanted to tour campus one last time.”

“Oh. Why didn’t you say anything? I would’ve come with you!” You attempt to elbow him, but he side-steps you. “Uh, right…”

“Ah, sorry. I… Admittedly, there’s quite a lot on my mind.”

“I get it. Congrats, by the way. Your speech was really good.”

“I’m pleased you think so.”

This…isn’t Azul, you realize, a frown flickering on your face. At least not the Azul I usually see.

“I got to meet all of Kalim’s siblings.”

“Did you? All of them?”

“Every. Single. One. His family’s huge!”

An uncomfortable silence festers between the two of you. You glance at your camera and then at Azul.

“Can you believe that Crowley? He wanted me to take all of these pictures, but there were dozens of professionals who did it much better than me! What was even the point?”

“Terrible, isn’t it? A job as good as the one you do deserves proper payment.”

“Exactly! My services aren’t free.”

Azul smiles, a wistful gloss to his gaze. You can see the cogs turning behind his eyes—can see the calculation as it comes to fruition.

“You can cry. I won’t judge.”

“I’m not going to.”

“It’s fine. It’s normal, Azul.”

He inhales a deep breath, holds it for three seconds, and then releases. When he looks at you next, his expression is hard and riddled with subdued anxiety. A zephyr blows between you, rustling the leaves in the trees, raking through the grass, dragging wispy fingers through your clothes and hair. The quiet expands and stretches wide.

Azul opens his mouth, shuts it, and sighs. A forlorn resignation flits over his countenance.

“I—” he swallows hard and then it just bursts free, the admission he’s kept secret for so long— “I love you.”

Another breeze combs through the premises. Your gasp is swept away with it.

“I’ve loved you for two years. And I… I wanted to tell you so many times in the past, but I never could. I was scared and I ran away. I still am! The truth is that I’m afraid of losing you. I’m afraid of messing up in front of you and looking like a fool. I’m afraid of showing you the parts of myself I hate most. I’m even afraid of that phrase—of saying it because it terrifies me to think, in some distant world, it might be reciprocated. But I have to say it, and I want you to know. Even if you don’t feel the same, I have to tell you.”

You gape at him, utterly speechless. The longer you do so, the more flustered he becomes.

“Y-You’re free to think it’s gross or weird. I understand I’m not the most ideal candidate, but I…” He wrings his hands, exhaling shakily. “I think you’re everything. My whole world.”

There are so many things you want to say. So, so many. But they’re all jumbled, carried along like flowers floating down a stream in spring. You close the gap, taking his hands in yours, and you kiss him.

Azul startles, squeaking against your lips. It takes a minute for him to find his rhythm, but soon he’s wilting against you, his body relaxed. You taste saliva and salt—tears. When you pull back, he’s crying.

“I think you’re the most ideal candidate. I’ve always thought so.” You cradle his cheek in a warm hand.

A sob trembles through him. “I never thought—you’re just so… I couldn’t have imagined…”

“That I’d like you?”

“Yes!”

“Why?” “Because…”

“I’ve always liked you, Azul. I’d never lie about that. Your birthday gift—those are my honest opinions.”

“Every one of them?”

“Each and every one.”

He sniffles weakly, drying his eyes with the heel of his palm.

Instinctively, you reach for your camera. And then you hesitate. You’ve always stood behind the protective lens of your trusty Ghost Camera, assuming the role of photographer in order to remain in his orbit. But now you’d like to try putting the camera aside and documenting Azul’s moments with your own two eyes.

He loves me.

You just manage to shut the front door before you’re pulling him flush against you. He presses you up against the wall in the foyer, a knee slotting between your legs. You melt in mutual merriment, grabbing at every part of him. Your uniform blouse is ripped open in a hurry. You try to handle his graduation robes with caution, appreciating expensive embroidery, but vehemence gets the better of you. It’s a wild rush. Hot and panting, you’re shuddering in carnal delight, every nerve alight. When he presses up against you next, half-dressed and hazy with an addictive adoration, you can feel the result of your exploratory touches straining for release.

“Upstairs,” you mumble against his mouth, sweating out of your skin.

You fall into bed as one, tangled around each other. Azul trails kisses up the expanse of your stomach, working you open on skillful fingers. You shiver beneath him, your heart pounding in your ribs.

“I love you.” A kiss to your belly.

“I love you.” A kiss to the valley of your breasts.

“I love you.” A kiss to your lips.

You love him just as intensely. 

He drags his fingers out next, admiring the slick coating them like it’s a valuable substance. You giggle, dizzy with delirium.

“Can I call you mine?”

You run your hands up and down his arms. “I’d like that.”

“Your boyfriend,” he murmurs, astonished. “I’m your boyfriend…”

“Mhm…” You sit up in bed and climb into his lap. Slowly, inch by inch, you lower yourself. He sucks in a breath through grit teeth. “And I’m—mmh—I’m your girlfriend.”

Azul whines into your mouth. His arms wrap around you to keep you firmly pinned to his body, and he bucks his hips up to meet you the rest of the way. Filled in such a way, connected so intimately, you breathe a satisfied sigh. You dig your nails into his shoulders. Every muscle slackens. It’s bliss, pure and perfect. The both of you mold to one another like sea meeting shore.

You grind down, chasing a mounting climax. “You’re the best—perfect. So perfect. Oh, I love you, Azul. I love you so much. I’ve always wanted to say it.”

He presses his forehead to yours. “You have no idea how fervently I’ve yearned for this—for you.”

You can’t possibly begin to imagine, but you can definitely relate. Weeks of silent pining, of hoping something might happen and you’d be able to confess without fear. Those days are behind you. Now you can know love in his arms and it isn’t so uncertain.

You lose yourselves in the sensations of sweet, soulful sex. He’s gentle like a spring breeze, dedicated like a devotee at your altar. You’re much the same, your moans just as plentiful. Just as loud. You’re wrapped in wonder when you look into his eyes and find the same amount of love reflected back.

I’m so happy I met you.

When he cums, he digs his fingers into your hips to drag you down and bury himself deeper inside. You unravel shortly after, your orgasm coaxed out by a few attentive massages to your clit. Your bodies, sticky and sweaty, stay connected even after you’ve come down from the clouds.

“Had I known, I would’ve said something sooner.” After catching his breath, Azul rests his head in the crook of your neck. “I regret it.”

“I don’t. Things happen when they happen.” You run your fingers through the tangled, silvery strands of his hair. It’s soft just like him. He leans into your touch and hums appreciatively. “I’m glad it happened when it did.”

“I’m glad I could say it. It would’ve eaten me alive if I’d left without telling you.”

“And are you still afraid?”

Azul places his hand over yours. “No, not anymore. The world ahead looks much clearer now.”

“Am I in it?”

He laughs. “More than that.”

“Oh?”

“You are my world.”

[yuri-is-online]

To the Reader, My Tenderest Freak of Freaks

Hello, I am Yuri. This is a side blog for my writing, currently there are only Twisted Wonderland fics here, but I intend to post original work here in the future~

Rules for requests can be found here.

(Twisted Wonderland)

Long Fic

When He Sees Me: Azul Ashengrotto (x)

The Tower Stairs: Rollo Flamme (x)

Misc.

"Do Be Gentle With Me" (Jade Leech) (suggestive) (x)

First Rule of Mountain Lovers Club (x)

Random Rollo Headcannons (x)

Eel Wedding (Jade Leech) (x)

Boys Being Jealous of Grim (x)

What, Are You in Love With Me? (Ace) (x)

One-Shots

Well Maybe the Octopus was Being a Dick! (Pt. 1) (x)

Well Maybe the Octopus was Being a Dick! (Pt. 2) (x)

Shades of You (Jade Leech x Yuu) (x)

Cute, Right? (Floyd Leech x Yuu) (suggestive) (x)

Why So Rude? (Everyone x Yuu) (x)

Sled Ride Together With Yuu (Jade Leech x Yuu) (x)

Out With the Old (Heartsabyul, Savanaclaw, and Octavinelle x Yuu) (x)

And in With the New (Scarabia, Pomefiore, Ignihyde, and Diasomnia x Yuu) (x)

It's Not Going Away (First Years x Yuu) (x)

You, I, and the Wall (Octavinelle x Yuu) (x)

Missed Connection Section of the NRC Gazette (Floyd, Leona, and Ruggie x Yuu) (x)

Plead the Fifth (Riddle, Floyd, Azul, Jack, Lilia, and Ace x Yuu) (x)

Consider the Shrimp (Jade Leech x Yuu) (x)

You May Now Kiss the Shrimp (Azul Ashengrotto x Yuu) (x)

The Most Romantic of All Arts (Azul Ashengrotto x Yuu) (x)

Soft Toxic Whispers (Jade Leech x Yuu) (x)

Ortho Decorates for Christmas (x)

The Moon Is Beautiful Tonight (Octavinelle and Scarabia) (x)

Why Can't I Be Your Spouse? (Leech Twins) (x)

Summer is in Your Eyes (Heartslabyul, Savanaclaw, and Octavinelle) (x)

Birthday One-Shots

Oh No You Don't (Ruggie Bucchi) (x)

A Step Behind the Curtain (x)

Bitch the Pot (x)

Series

Follower Milestones

300 Follower Celebration (So So Shojo)

500 Follower Celebration (Invitation to the Masquerade)

800 Follower Thank You (Seven Plus One Happy Haunts)

MMO AU

Landing Page

A Fyuuture Kid AU

What happened to Yuu? (x)

What happened to the Main Cast? (x)

Daytime TV Dreaming (Heartslabyul, Savanaclaw, and Octavinelle) (x)

Soap Operatic Symphony (Scarabia, Pomefiore, Ignihyde, and Diasomnia) (x)

Fyuuture kid dunks on Ace (x)

Ace! Fyuuture kid hc (x)

Why is Azul's Fyuutre kid afraid of him? (x)

General Fyuuture kid facts + Riddle! kid hc (x)

Yutu and Yuu (x)

What does Yutu look like! (x)

Some of Yutu's happy memories of Yuu (x)

Floyd! Fyuuture kid hc (x) (bonus)

Uncle Jade with Floyd's kid (x)

Cater! Fyuuture kid hc (x)

More Ace! Yutu dunking on him and Riddle! Yutu has a nightmere (x)

Jade! Fyuuture kid hc (x)

Ruggie! Fyuuture kid hc (x)

Malleus! Fyuuture kid hc (x)

Lilia! Fyuuture kid hc (x)

Idia! Fyuuture kid hc (x)

Leona! Fyuuture kid hc (x)

Kalim! Fyuuture kid hc (x)

Some Fyuuture kids bonding with their dads (x)

Overblot Kids and their dads (x)

Fyuuture Kid Unique Magic (ft. Riddle, Cater, Ace, Jade, Floyd, Azul, Ruggie, and Vil) (x)

Soulbound AU

inspiration taken from this post by tiyon, please check out their soulmate au here

rules

first post

Idia and Leona thinking about Yuu coming to TWST just for them

adding some angst

Ace and Deuce in denial

Aceyuu "Rewrite the Stars"

What if Yuu was Cursed?

Family Day

The Quiet Part (Azul, Jade, and Trey x Yuu) (x)

Out of the Bag (Jamil, Ace, and Idia x Yuu) (x)

Without Saying (Floyd and Ruggie x Yuu) (x)

There's Mud in Your Eye (Leona and Deuce x Yuu) (x)

And Your Name Is?

Jade, Leona, Riddle (x)

Ace and Malleus (x)

Sebek, Silver, and Idia (x)

Deuce, Azul, Floyd (x)

Time Loop Angst

Original Ask (Vil, Azul, and Malleus) (x)

The Rains Have Ceased (Riddle, Cater, and Idia) (x)

Another Beautiful Day (First Years) (x)

Theory Posting

A Pocket Full of Posies and Rollo's Hankie (x)

Octavinelle and Loneliness (x)

Sometimes the Wallpaper is Just Yellow: A Heartslabyul Color Analysis (x)

You Simple Vile Monstrosity: Rook and the Flowers of Evil (x)

[rose-tea-and-strawberries]

MASTERLIST

🇱🇰 🇬🇧 🇶🇦

House of Mouse AU (featuring fem!Yuu)

Check out the House of Mouse!AU tag (#house of mouse au) to find all of my posts about this AU

Pluto Saves The Day (4.3 K)

When the staff all fall into a deep sleep as a result of Pete’s plot to shut down the club, it’s up to Pluto (and Grim) to save the day.

Memes   Part II

Twitter AU

Twisted Wonderland x Reader

I write Reader/Yuu as female

Kissing Ace and Deuce when they ask what flavour your lip balm is

Twisted Wonderland Characters Signing Your Shirt (8k+)

Celebrating Ramadan With Kalim And Jamil

Celebrating Ramadan With Ace and Deuce: Platonic Ace x muslim!fem!reader x Deuce

TWST Boys As Texts I Found On Pinterest (feat. Ace, Deuce, Trey, Riddle, Cater, Leona, Kalim, Jamil and Idia)

When You Share A Birthday With Them (Heartslabyul and Scarabia) (11k+)

The Musings Of A Devoted Serpent (1.6k+)

Jamil thinks about what you mean to him

Deuce Spade Brainrot

Love Like You ♡

“Don’t You Know It’s Bad Luck To See Your Bride Before The Wedding?”

#JusticeForYuu

Prince Malleus Draconia vs Human Pettiness

Some Posts About My Son Grim

Needy!Deuce Headcanons

Tea Set Painting Date With Riddle Headcanons

Giving Ace A Good Luck Kiss Before A Game

The Joker(s) And The Queen

Pairing: Ace x Reader x Deuce

Two card soldiers contemplate their love and loyalty for their Queen

After All Is Said And Done

After the events of the winter holidays and Jamil’s manipulation, you and your friends are left to pick up the pieces.

Includes: Angst, Female Prefect!Reader, Book 4 Spoilers, references to PTSD and depression, Jamil x Reader if you squint, platonic Ace x Reader x Deuce but can be read as pre-romantic

So Close

Deuce is determined to give you your Disney Princess moment

Dyeing Hair with Deuce Drabble

Giving Epel, Leona and Ace a DIY Maison Margiela Kiss Shirt

how deep is your love (i really mean to learn): a deuce x reader drabble

How Ace and Deuce Fantasise About Their Crush, The Prefect

Track And Field Deuce Thoughts

Malleus x Reader Drabble

Return To Sender

𝕷𝖆𝖈𝖗𝖎𝖒𝖔𝖘𝖆

Ramshackle Family PowerPoint Night Slumber Party Headcanons + Bonus: First years

all the world seems to waken anew: Neige LeBlanche x Reader Drabble

Dating Neige LeBlanche Headcanons

One Step Closer Prince Rielle x Female Reader

Taking Deuce To Build-A-Bear

duos silices ad ignem: a Rollo fic I wrote based off of this post

𝖎𝖌𝖓𝖎𝖙𝖊: A Rollo drabble

🐇 Deuce Spade Easter Headcanons 🐇

Drunk Deuce Headcanons

Things you do that make them fall deeper in love with you (ft. Ace and Deuce)

Of Lions and Mice: Leona Kingscholar x Reader

Ace Trappola x Reader drabble

A Deuce Spade x Reader Drabble

To Catch A Falling Star: Idia Shroud x Reader

��💗 Birthday Kisses With Ace and Deuce 💗🎀

Three’s A Crowd (a.k.a: when deuce is jealous of his tsum)

when their tsum courts their crush (ft. Deuce, Ace, Leona and Idia)

[hisui-dreamer]

fragments of your warmth

Pairing: Jamil Viper x gn!reader

Synopsis: Where you stood, it was exactly where your love had blossomed all those summers ago. Only this time, you stood alone with your memories and regrets.

Tags: friends to benefits to lovers, pining, angst, long distance relationship, ex lovers to lovers, canon divergence, stargazing, bot proofread

Word count: 2.1k+

Notes: this is my submission @merotwst and @cvlutos's Jamil's Summer Competition! Happy belated birthday Ellie <3 Make sure to check out the other entries using the tag!

Masterlist

You are welcomed by the tranquillity that the familiar beach offers as you take your first steps onto the soft and cool sand. The sound of the waves lapping against the shore, combined with the nostalgic summer breeze, is a soothing balm for your senses that transports you to another world. The sky above is a canvas of sparkling diamonds, with millions of stars twinkling in the inky darkness, a vast and glittering expanse that stretches as far as your eye can see.

The sight before you is like an elegant painting from a dream, yet your heart feels like it's pricked by countless thorns of grief. This scene overlaps with one you experienced that night many summers ago, but you can't help but feel that everything was more vibrant when he was by your side.

The memories wash over you like the calming waves, and you are instantly transported to a bygone era, where time seems suspended and the world was infused with enchantment, where the sun-drenched hallways of NRC echoed with laughter and mischief.

It was there, where you met him.

Jamil Viper had bewitched you the moment your eyes met. His refined and captivating features made him strikingly handsome, but it was the depth in his eyes that truly set him apart. Like pools of obsidian, they held a mystique that seemed to hold countless untold stories and hidden desires. As fate would have it, your paths intertwined amidst the chaos of school, and you couldn't help but be captivated by his allure.

Burdened by responsibilities that were not of your choosing, the two of you found solace in the shared understanding of the burdens you bore. Life had dealt you both a hand filled with obligations and expectations, piling endless duties that seemed to overshadow your personal desires, but you found sanctuary in each other's company, where you could be true to yourselves and simply indulge.

Together, you found respite from the suffocating grip of responsibility. Hearts drew nearer as an invisible thread wove between you, weaving a tapestry of emotions that yearned to be acknowledged. It was an uncharted realm, an unexplored terrain where friendship and desire danced a delicate waltz, their steps uncertain yet alluring.

And so, with trepidation and anticipation, you succumbed to the allure of intimacy, strengthening your connection to him while safeguarding the sanctity of your friendship. It became a clandestine affair, shrouded in secrecy from prying eyes, nurtured by a foundation of trust and lust, enabling vulnerability and uninhibited honesty while offering emotional support and physical affection.

In those stolen moments, it was just the two of you, consumed by a fire that burned with equal parts longing and frustration. You explored each other's bodies with a mixture of curiosity and desire, finding pleasure in the physical connection you had cultivated. The touch of his hand sent electric currents surging through your body, igniting desires that defied reason. His kisses were elixirs of ecstasy that left you intoxicated and craving more. His laughter echoed through your veins like a melodic symphony. His genuine kindness and unwavering support melted the barriers you had built, leaving you defenceless against the growing feelings that welled within.

It had been an arrangement devoid of emotional entanglements. But how could you have possibly resisted falling in love, when it was Jamil who you were entangled with?

Love had woven its intricate tapestry around you, defying your attempts to keep it at bay. It was Jamil who unravelled your defences, revealing a depth of emotion that neither of you could ignore. And as the clandestine affair continued, the lines between friendship and love blurred, caught in a passionate embrace that neither of you could resist.

You had intended to keep your feelings at bay, that maybe once he graduated, with time and distance, the ember of yearning within you would fade like a dying flame without fuel.

But then came their graduation trip, where Kalim had extended an invitation to you and the others to join their trip to a tropical island of crystal-clear skies and sparkling seas to celebrate. And on that final night of your adventure, Jamil took you to a secluded beach, a secret spot for stargazing under the heavens.

You remember how his warm hand felt in yours, like a spell that pulled you closer to him. The scent of lemongrass filled the air, a fresh and tangy aroma that mingled with the ocean breeze and carried all your worries far away. Jamil had fretted over the many bugs approaching him, and you couldn't help but giggle at his antics as he diligently reapplied repellent, often volunteering to get rid of the pesky creatures that approached him.

You had both laid on a blanket he had brought, the air around you felt thick and humid, but still you drew close, seeking comfort in one another's embrace like clockwork. And as you looked up at the starry sky together, his eyes sparkled with a joy that matched the glittering constellations above.

Underneath the canopy of stars, surrounded by the serene lullaby of the waves, you found the courage to share the depths of your heart. Words spilt forth, confessions, long kept buried, danced upon the salt-kissed breeze.

The connection, nurtured through stolen glances, fiery passion, and tender moments, had blossomed into something profound. At that sacred juncture, you felt time relinquish its hold. The world faded into oblivion, leaving only the two of you lingering in a universe of your own making.

The fragile silence was then shattered by those precious words that still ring in your ears, that continue to make you feel like every second you spent with him, every moment you spent agonising over your feelings for him, was all worth it.

"I've fallen for you, more deeply than I ever thought possible," he confessed, his voice full of sincerity and vulnerability. A smile graced his lips, his eyes shimmering with an affection that transcended words. "Thank you, for entering my life."

It was a night of enchantment and wonder, a memory etched deep into your soul. The two of you were alone in a world that felt infinite, surrounded by the ethereal glow of your love.

But now, as you stand alone, the world seems to have lost some of its vibrant hues; the colours have dulled, the stars have dimmed, and the air carries a chilly emptiness. You yearn for the passion of that night, for his comforting embrace. The memory of your time together casts a bittersweet shadow over the present, reminding you of what you had and what you lost.

Your love with him was like warm water, a gentle current that caressed and cradled your beings. Like the tranquillity of a serene pool, it washed over you, infusing your heart and soul with a profound sense of contentment.

But just like warm water, its heat inevitably dissipated, and only an icy void that exposed the rawness of your emotion remained.

A sigh escapes your lips, carrying with it the familiar sting of tears welling up, blurring the world around you and shrouding it in a veil of melancholy. The truth had loomed before you, as stark as the fading heat: though you had given it your all, you had no choice but to part ways.

With genuine intentions and hearts brimming with hope, the two of you had embarked on your relationship despite the long distance, promising to communicate regularly, plan visits, and hold onto the precious bond. Together, you painted vivid images of a future life entwined, sharing moments of domestic bliss, cooking side by side, and simply basking in each other’s presence, foolishly making promises at every corner.

Eventually though, the sharp sting of reality began to seep into your once idyllic dreams. Jamil, burdened by his duties in service to the Asim family, found his time and attention inexorably divided among countless obligations. And you, adrift in a sea of uncertainty, grappling without a proper identity and support system, struggled to find your place in a world so different from your original one.

The vast expanse of distance, once merely an inconvenience, now transformed into an insurmountable barrier, slowly eroding the very foundation of your once unbreakable bond.

Communication became sporadic, filled with empty words and broken promises. The once-frequent video calls turned into occasional text messages, and the passionate expressions of love were replaced by awkward silences and forced conversations. Your sanctuary had shifted, unintentionally or not, to the point where you no longer felt comfortable in talking to him, and instead another obligation to fulfill. Your longing grew stronger with every passing day, but the guilt of not being able to fulfil the promises weighed heavily on both of you.

The bittersweet truth became clear: the relationship that had bloomed within the protection of the school walls now found itself entangled in the thorny web of unfulfilled promises and fading hope, and the decision to let go became inevitable.

You lift your gaze to the sky in an attempt to prevent the tears from falling, searching the constellations for some semblance of an answer as your heart aches. The stars twinkle like distant beacons, each one a reminder of the vastness of the universe and the infinite possibilities it held, but all you could see was the endless expanse of the universe, an unfathomable void mirroring the emptiness you feel inside.

They say that time heals all wounds, even the fractures of a wounded heart. Yet, the passage of the sands of time has done little to alleviate the searing ache that persists. The yearning for him remains, an unyielding yearning that entwines itself around your every thought and breath. The sands of time may always shift, and the tides of life may ebb and flow, but within you, an eternal echo of his presence lingers, an ache that defies the passage of days and the fading of memories.

As the tranquil night hangs in suspended animation, a voice, achingly familiar, slices through the silence, shattering the cocoon of solitude you had enveloped yourself in.

"Ya amar..." The words, laden with tenderness and history, linger in the air, like a sweet melody that you tried so hard to forget.

How cruel of him, to still call you by such an endearing nickname.

You turn, your heart caught in a tumultuous dance of anticipation and trepidation, uncertain of what awaits you. And there he stands, a vision bathed in the glimmers of moonlight, the flickering beams bestowing a celestial radiance upon his countenance. Time has left its fingerprints on him, etching lines of experience on his face, while retaining the essence of the person you loved so fiercely.

" You’re… crying," he whispers in slight surprise. Desperately, you try to suppress the flood of tears that only intensified with his presence, but they defy your control, cascading down your cheeks in unrestrained torrents.

He takes a tentative step closer, and with a touch as tender as ever, he extends his hand, seeking permission for his contact. Frozen in place, you allow him to approach. The warmth of his touch graces your skin like a sunbeam, a pacifying caress that eases the ache within. With delicate fingers, he tenderly brushes away your tears, wiping with them the pain and sorrow that have pooled in your eyes. You can't help but lean into his touch, seeking refuge in his warmth like you had in the days of your youth.

"I... I never forgot you," you manage to choke out, your voice thick with emotions that threaten to overwhelm you. The words spilt out of you like a dam collapsing, releasing the pent-up feelings that have silently swelled within you for so long.

Tears continue to stream relentlessly down your face, the anguish of the past and present bearing down upon your fragile soul. Doubts assail you, wondering if he still cares, if he even remembers you after years.

But as you look up into his dark eyes, you see the answer reflected in their depths. There is a softness there, a tenderness reserved for you that had always been present.

Jamil leans closer, his expression loving and understanding. His voice, soft and sincere. "I never forgot you either," he whispered, his words a delicate admission, as if finally unburdening himself from the weight of past mistakes. "I'm so sorry, for everything."

Without hesitation, Jamil closes the remaining distance between you, his arms encircling you in a tight embrace. The strength and warmth of his hold envelopes you like a sanctuary amidst your turmoil. You stand there, sharing the same beach that witnessed your love, bathed in bittersweet nostalgia, and a flicker of hope ignites within you.

The past may have been fraught with challenges and missed opportunities, but in this moment, you dare to believe that perhaps, just perhaps, things would turn out alright this time.

After all, with enough time and dedication, the cool waters of your love could be rekindled into a comforting warmth once again.

Masterlist

if you liked this post, don't forget to reblog!

[briarvalleyarchives]

ꜱᴄᴀʀᴀʙɪᴀ

╰┈➤ ❝ the seemingly never-ending desert environment can be as harsh as the hearts of man themselves, but the people inhabiting these lands have followed the example of the sorcerer of the sands and learnt to thrive despite the odds. it is curious how much progress humanity may achieve in just a 100 years. ❞

[f.], [m.] → female / male reader respectively | [pl.] → platonic | [g.] → general / no reader | [sug.] → suggestive | [hc] → headcanons | [os] → oneshot | [sh.] → short scenario | [s.] → part of a series | [a.] → angst

unfair trades [poem]

ᴋᴀʟɪᴍ ᴀʟ-ᴀꜱɪᴍ

"i'd rather live in the woods with you than in a mansion with someone i barely know" [os]

adopting a pet with him [hc]

amusement park date [hc]

because every artist needs a muse [hc]

being re-incarnated into a new world as the bad guy [s.] [part 2]

bitten!kalim x survivor!reader [os | a.]

cuddle time [hc]

finding out their s/o has cheated on them [a. | hc]

forgetting your jacket and wearing someone else's [hc]

hanahaki au [hc]

jamil and glue [pl. | os]

joining him in the hot springs [hc]

leaving a kiss mark on him...and how long it takes him to realize [hc]

love languages [hc]

rid of poison [g. | a. | os]

sharing news of your grades with him [hc]

s/o disappears off the face of the earth [a. | hc] [sequel]

study date [hc]

sun-tinted glasses [g. | os]

tall!mc who loves bear hugs [hc]

ᴊᴀᴍɪʟ ᴠɪᴘᴇʀ

"i've been in love with you since we were kids" [os]

a moment of tranquility [sh.]

almost forgetting your birthday [hc]

because every artist needs a muse [hc]

being re-incarnated into a new world as the bad guy [s.] [part 2]

boyfriend headcanons [hc]

cuddle time [hc]

going to a restaurant with him [hc]

hanahaki au [hc]

jamil and glue [pl. | os]

love languages [hc]

poly relationship with leona [hc]

reacting to a sudden ambush [hc]

reacting to stoic mc who carries a stuffed animal around [hc]

showing you a whole new world

s/o disappears off the face of the earth [a. | hc] [sequel]

s/o having a nightmare about his overblot [hc]

tackling overworked s/o [hc]

tastes like cherries [sug. | os]

the servant at the sun's mercy [sh.]

when he accidentally kabe-dons you [hc]

when you faint because of the heat [hc]

[snek-disappearedagain]

Happy Birthday Jamil !!! Guess who’s gonna get more angst because he drove me to pity?

bonus under the cut

I’m never drawing an eye ever again.

[tare-anime]

SxF Fanfic Recomendation (FicRec)

As expected, with the premiere of Anime, the fandom grows!! I really had trouble in keeping up with the fics. But I’m delighted nonetheless. 

Thank you for all the hard works, fanfic writers!! I’m sorry I can’t read them all, but I’m sure all are awesomely written!!

Now, below are my new favorites, that mostly will be TwiYor fics, and telling stories from my favorite tropes. For my previous rec, please go here

Identity Reveal: 

living on a knife's edge by calmthestorms (Angst, Hurt/comfort, Sharing, Anya’s kidnapping)

Even When You Pin Me Down by ChillChampie (Angst, TwiYor fight each other, implied Anya’s kidnapping, ambigous open/endings)

Open Contract by M_Writer_Of_Stuff (Hurt/Comfort, TwiYor help each other, hint of comedy)

all this, and love too by apopcornkernel (Comedy, Hurt/Comfort, TwiYor fight each other)

Bloodied Hearts by icarus_chained (injured/kidnapped Twilight. Badass Yor come in shining armor come to the rescue, with the help of their esperr kid. Hurt/comfort. angst. amazing. love this so very much)

dawn kiss the morning by Togaki (injured Yor. very soft TwiYor moment. Twilight wasn’t ready to open up, but he was trying. soft. beautiful)

it's been a long, long time by Puolain (post identity reveal. TwiYor help each other. Soft. hurt/comfort. Beautiful)

MISSION N: No More Lies by TETRACIDE (multichap identity reveal. angst, hurt/comfort, injuries, violence. love it)

Cabin Fever chp. 1 by Anonymous (what if Yor’s fight during the Cruise arc didn’t end like the canon did. beautiful. Hurt/comfort. fluff)

Your sweet lips on my lips chp. 6 by Peachiegirlie (Angst. Hurt/Comfort. Tiny bit of humor. Loid loves Yor so much. and vice versa. Beautiful.)

Sick fic:

Bad Things Happen Bingo - Spy x Family edition by Dulcito (different times when TwiYor got sick. Fluff. Hurt/comfort)

Mission Files: Family Forger chp. 8 by Lacrow (Yor got sick. but she still tried her best. and it made Loid soft)

Cabin Fever chp. 3 by Anonymous (Loid get sick. Yor takes care of him. hurt/comfort. fluff)

Jealous Loid:

chasin' your pretty thoughts by  synchronicities (cute)

I can’t help.... Protecting what’s mine (chp 8 of I can’t help) by Lacrow (hurt/comfort, beautiful)

Parfum Du Ciel by TheRemoteGamer (Yor use new perfume. Loid needed to know the reason. comedy. fluff)

Preservations by mika60 (one of Twilights WISE coworkers played with fire. tsk tsk tsk...... comedy.)

The Lullaby:

My Pain Fits in the Palm of Your Freezing Hand by Rasply (TwiYor, hurt/comfort, past sharing.)

Nightmares (Of Past and Present) by G33k (TwiYor, hurt/comfort, nightmare, past sharing)

Hold Tight, Never Let Go by alcorBEI (Anya got Nightmare, TwiYor comfort her. Hurt/comfort, light angst)

Other theme fics:

The Mystery of the Missing Sweater by Monoul (Yor and Anya, and Yor’s sweater. Fluff, cute!)

In her arms by merryjoys (Yor is the best mom. Anya and Loid love her so much. Fluff)

cut to the feeling by  persephonie (TwiYor, one bedroom, fluff, cute. Yor has a tatto.)

Man Down by Bluwwo (Yor’s first kill. Angst)

Till Death Do Us Part and All  by Storylover0513 (TwiYor, trapped in stuck elevator, past sharing, hurt/comfort)

tell me where to put my love by synchronicities (TwiYor, birthday, hurt/comfort, fluff)

juniper and lamplight by synchronicities (TwiYor, future fic, happen during Anya’s wedding, established relationship. old days TwiYor. sweet)

the way before by oceanicspirit (What if TwiYor had meet multiple times before they meet as Loid and Yor? Multiple mini fic/scenes. totally love badass Yor. Twilight was smitten from the start. heh.)

If You Like It Then You Should Have Put A Ring On It by ChillChampie (Loid finally give Yor the ring. For appearance, of course. heh)

A Double Loop, Pulled Taut by Zozoa (the engagement ring! fluff.)

That Which Makes a Pair by alcorBEI (Valentine day. TwiYor finally kiss!!)

Two Can Keep A Secret by smallestsenpai (TwiYor collage AU)

terrible people by JaMills (unexpected pregnancy. Twilight and Thorn princess relationship. amazing. Angst. Hurt/Comfort)

labours of love by the_sweetest_con (Loid having a crisis. Yor’s action calmed him. Fluff. Hurt/comfort. they kiss!!)

Enough by Frotu (Yor having a crisis. Loid’s action calmed her. Fluff. Hurt/comfort. they kiss!! and it’s as if this fic and ‘labours of love’ compliment each other. beautiful!)

Other character fic: 

Anya’s New Moon Nightmares by Ducksinsuit (A series. Anya had nightmare, and got comfort from different characters, with their own way. Fluff, comedy)

Real by FancyMancy (Martha easing up Becky’s insecurities on their way home from the Forger house. Very cute. We need more Martha!!)

austere. impervious. impenetrable by G33ks (Fiona and Frankie. Fiona trying to cope with her unrequited love. A very good Fiona fic.)

it's just the light coming on by yourendlessblue (TwiYor from Handler’s POV. Handler finally learns what kind of person Yor was. and how her idiot best agent was idiot. comedy.) 

Fic 1, Fic 2, Fic 3 by kuh (@hamham_kuku at twitter) (Mc.Mahon was the father figure for Yor. He took care of her, when she got hurt, and when she finally ready to start her new life with Loid)

and this fic rec will of course continue to next post....

[azulsluver]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 9/12 (jamil viper)

tw. yandere, stockholm syndrome, implied imprisonment, NTR-ish, slight angst(?), suggestive at the end.

Minor at writing !! Read at your own record

                           blow out his candles.

You were a secret. Locked deep and away from the public eye, not a glance of sympathy towards your way. Belonging under the Al-Asim’s name, no one can say what was wrong or right, nor can they understand what truly occurs behind closed doors.

For years you’ve gain access to half of the palaces rooms, a luxury on your behalf for good behavior. Overhearing on Kalim’s and Jamil’s conversation about his future birthday, bringing guests from outside of the Scolding Sands as a celebration, Kalim was sure doing the most of it. You got used to hearing rumors around the palace, hiding behind shadowed areas to listen in on events and the newest gossips flying around. Yet no one has mentioned you. You’re name is a curse around these lands, only can the one rightfully owned much as whisper your name in the night.

Kalim had felt it was time for you to see the outside once again, no more staying in a glass room to watch over the stars. Jamil’s birthday gift, Kalim said he wanted whats best for his best friend and whats a better gift than having your lover at your side. Caressing your check affectionately as you hum at the idea, you don’t think you have to worry about your identity or why you were there. Just being at Jamil’s side sounded wonderful.

On the day of Jamil’s birthday he was ordered to not serve Kalim until the very next day. Being served a hearty meal and lavished in the finest of scented flowers in your personal tub. It felt as if it was your birthday instead, nothing special about being pampered but you were indeed grateful. You haven’t seen Jamil since morning, sadden a little by the fact he didn’t want to spend any time with you before leaving to do “business”. Looking past the negative feelings, you help Kalim with party preparations even though you sat next with him and gave an up or thumbs down on suggestions being shown. It was nice for once, being involved and getting to see more people besides Kalim and Jamil, you just hope no one gave you any funny looks. A small fire of insecurity would set off every once and a while as men and women from different regions come and celebrate. Showing just how many friends Jamil has made over the years as you were locked away.

Anxiously waiting for Jamil to return, you try to enjoy yourself with the new founding reward, the music and people dancing has you clapping your hands joyously. Kalim is glad you’re distracted by the fact Jamil had randomly left on his big day, trying all he can to make sure plans go as smooth. That is if fate had laughed at him, the doors swung open to reveal a man and woman. One clinging onto the other. That other whom you swore to belong.

You raise your eyes in surprise at the sight before you,  nails digging into your palms nervously. Kalim quickly sat up and ran towards Jamil, supporting the limping woman as servants swarmed the three, the music stopped long ago.

You’re not sure if this officially ruins Jamil’s birthday surprise, pacing back and forth in your room agitated. The sound of gold jewels echo the empty room as you stand by the door, Jamil had ordered you to stay in the room until he came back. His apology unknown. Jamil wouldn’t do anything to harm you! You’ve been so good so there was no reason for you to be treated badly, you just wish he would explain where and why he left and unsuspectingly come back with stranger—a woman even! Dread fills your stressed out mind, thoughts of being thrown away now that Jamil and Kalim had found someone better, or have they considered on having a public relationship for the people. They do expect Kalim to marry.

The door isn’t locked, you place your hand on the doorknob before giving it a turn. The lights still shone in the palace, no one has gone to sleep yet the hallways are empty. Closing the door behind you and ignoring the screams of your brain telling you to turn back and follow Jamil’s command, yet you let curiosity get the better of you. Fearing the consequences, you still move forward and explore the palace more, wondering if you were Jamil where would he be now. And you think you know. 

No, you know. Guests are always welcomed in the house of Al-Asim.

Footsteps as light as a feather, you take another sharp turn to a empty hallway. However your jewelry makes little shimmering noises, pleasant to the ears if you walk carefully enough. Filled with a sense of determination you suddenly slow your steps—a small cry stops you in your track. Hiccups and small noises of whimpers frazzle your already fragile state. You quickly hide behind a large vase, standing in place to further hear the conversation.

“Thank you so much mister Viper, I’m in your debt if needed! Please what can I do to make it up?” You weren’t sure if you recognized the voice, perhaps a new servant? If so, what business did she had with Jamil, you’ll just have to look further. 

“You having nothing useful to give me, it’s best you rest for now. I’ll speak with your supervisor later.” So Jamil did have business to attend but for what reason? You want to know who the lady was, and just what was her purpose is here.

A small grunt catches your attention once more and in a instant you poke your head from behind the wall to see what conflicted the noise. You sometimes wish you didn’t.

The woman that you saw earlier is leaning against Jamil by the door, body closely pressed towards him. Her face is puffy and red, tear streaks visible on her cheeks. Biting your tongue harshly at her hand placements, both holding onto Jamil’s shirt as she stares at him in awe. “Why not give in what they want? I’ve had my eye on you for a while, but either way I’m grateful for what you’ve done! It wouldn’t hurt to...give you a birthday gift perhaps?”

You cover your mouth as an attempt to not let out the noise of discomfort, swallowing your pity cries. Jamil wouldn’t give in so easily would he? You didn’t want to believe it, not when her face inches closer towards him, not when he made no effort into stopping her! With no self control you bite your hand, hard. You can’t stop looking, not when their lips meet.

He’s looking at you. The lady falls limp but is quickly caught in Jamil’s arms, you stay frozen in place. You’re so overwhelmed, sweat and tears pricked your skin and making you feel sticky and sick. You wanted to vomit at the memory of the kiss, his lips won’t be the same, so how many others have Jamil kissed? 

“What did I say.”

You flinch in the seriousness of his tone, cowering down as you muster up the courage to respond.

“You came back late. I was worried something terrible happened..” Would he take your word to truth, stating how you care for his well being to get off just by a nick. Any spare of mercy would be kind. “Did you see?” Your eyes look towards the ground.

Shame fills your very core as Jamil opens the guest room door, you refuse to do anything until said. A good five minutes later, Jamil closes the door behind him with a lock--his attention now on you. Would you then finally look up at him, his fingers lifting your chin to meet his gaze; sharp and cold as usual, but they hold an odd glint you were too afraid to admit. 

“Did Kalim make you wear these?” He holds a piece of your attached jewelry, twirling it in the light. You give a forced yes before bunching up your silken pants that were decorated in the richest of red dye. You want to ask him questions, thirst unfulfilled by the lack of answers. But Jamil seems more interest in inspecting you closer.

He brought his face closer to your head, smelling the scented flowers and a tint of vanilla left on your skin. Jamil inspects you further by tilting your head sideways, having more access to your neck and collarbone. “Jamil! Not here-” He shushes you instantly, going back to feeling the sides of your hips before rubbing himself on you. Jamil was never this touchy before, like a affectionate kitten rubbing off the hand it pleases.

You shut your eyes when a long muscle slides across your to your neck and cheek, wet and sloppy kisses planted on your chest as well. You’re pushed into a wall and forced to feel the need of Jamil’s love, proving this time, how much he missed you. “I need to get rid of her scent. I need this.” Jamil breathlessly whispers in your ear, bringing the tips of your ears to heat up. You can’t protest nor say anything else, distracted with the way his hands slide underneath your shirt, feeling you up until your body can feel just as him. 

He knows you crave him, the sad look in your eyes when he kissed another woman. Groaning into your ear as he leaves suckles of his love on your neck, you yelp in surprise at the feeling of his leg pushed between your thighs. Rubbing you up and down until your mewling for him to continue, praise him for making you feel so good. Even if the touch was making you feel hot and bothered, you still remember the kiss. Eyes grazing at his lips awkwardly, a tang of jealously settles within. You jolt when his hand slides down your pants, coming back to reality and remembering you two were still in the hallways; anyone could walk in any moment. Sucking in a deep breath you look back up at Jamil to once more protest.

“Not here Jamil, someone could find us!” His lips smashes against yours, teeth and tongue mangling each other until the other tapped out for air. He leaves a trail of drool behind before hoisting your leg up to his waist, now above the ground and strayed on the wall by his hold. His thumb wipes the remaining mess off your face, you shiver at the sight of his eyes. As if hearts danced in them.

“Let them enjoy the show.”

[spadecentral]

jamil viper masterlist

taglist Key: Romantic [r] | Platonic [p] | Crack [c] | Fluff [f] | Angst [a] | Faves [♡]

birthday without a gift [r, a, ♡] ⤷ you spend the day with kalim instead of the birthday boy

everlasting embrace [r, f, ♡] ⤷ you give jamil a nice surprise on christmas morning

puzzle master [r, f] ⤷ jamil carries you to the kitchen

selfishness [r, a] ⤷ he wishes you would stay with him forever

running through the ocean [r, a] ⤷ you and jamil go to the beach

pain for food [r, c] ⤷ you and jamil make poor decisions

[twistedwonderlandshenanigans]

Kalim Angst

Apologies, it gets Rough, tw: gore?, SH/hemomania (the urge to drink your own blood upon sight), feelings of euphoria, childhood trauma/poison/drug/kidnapping, strained relationship with Jamil/Jamil is villainized more (not sorry) /lh, scabs, picking scabs, etc. ..... hahaha...aha..haha...this is really not a happy post, PLEASE scroll if you don't want to read.

It was never supposed to come to this. But by Seven did it feel good. The initial pain had subsided and as Kalim raised his arm to his lips, he closed his eyes a little, the imaginary sound of Jamil's voice chiding him.

You're gonna get an infection if you do that. You need to stop Kalim. You could die if you do that, stop it! A giddy little giggle spilled from him as he licked more blood up from his forearm. If only. Jamil could pretend to care all he wanted, but even in his denial, Kalim knew that the boy he saw as his closest friend would only be crying crocodile tears at his funeral, forced to be there by obligation.

Not that it mattered. Most of the people Kalim saw as family didn't see him that way back- they would also attend his funeral out of a sense of obligation, or duty. He was competition, he was a target, he was a nuisance, he was in the impediment in other people's pursuit for success and happiness-namely his aunts and uncles. Despite the attempted kidnappings, the drugging, the poisons- he chose to keep a positive outlook on life. A positive outlook- yeah...that's how other people saw it...how he made them see him. While it was true he didn't want to live in constant fear and suspicion of the people around him, it didn't mean he was happy. It was easier not to feel anything, and just slap on a happy face. With all his younger siblings, it wasn't like he didn't do it all the time anyways. They didn't need to know what their parents were doing to him, and he was glad it was him dealing with the backlash rather than any of them. None of them would think to do what he'd learn to do anyways. He could feel he dizziness kicking in, but reached for the small dagger he had brought with him and sliced two more small incisions each on his arms, kicking his feet a little and licking up the rivulets of blood eagerly. How ironic was it that the dagger had been a birthday gift from his father meant to be used to defend himself? Instead he was using it to cut himself open, the pain barely recognizable at this point. He'd been doing this so often it was always just the first cut that hurt now. The first time he hadn't done it to himself. It was after one of the kidnapping attempts. Honestly he didn't remember much of it. He was sitting in his room, but he could hear his father yelling outside of his room, a tone he had never heard from him before. He was disoriented still trying to process that he was in his room rather than...where had he been taken? It didn't really matter. The point was he was in his room...and he was alone... He hugged himself a little, gasping softly in surprise as his fingers brushed over a rough feeling patch of skin near his elbow. He turned his arm curiously to find a scab forming on his arm, though at the time he didn't know what it was called. All of his "boo-boos" were always magicked away- he could only assume this had been missed by accident. Thinking back, it would have been funny if it was left there on purpose. As if the person who had intended to hurt him was in kahoots with the doctor, taunting Kalim with a realm of possibilities and ideas with exposure to....with the reminder of pain.

Because he'd never had one before, he didn't know any better, itching at the scab until it came off, making him squirm in disgust as it laid half peeled off his arm. Given that the adults still seemed tense, he didn't want to call for help. Instead he screwed his eyes shut and gave it a small tug, whimpering a bit as the scab popped off his skin and he could feel wetness on his arm. He studied the scab in confusion for a moment before setting it aside on a tissue and trying to look at his arm, where the wetness was, to no avail. He tried to touch it again, eyes widening slightly as his fingers held just the smallest bit of blood on them. The red liquid was fascinating, and without thinking he brought his fingers to his lips. Though it was only a few drops, it scratched an itch in his mind that he didn't know needed relief.

And from there it had been a slippery slope. He hid injuries from the nurses, he found ways to heal himself if he ever went too far, he started using other tools to reopen or widen or deepen his wounds just to fill his mouth with the coppery taste of his own blood, making his mind go fuzzy and happy like it was now.

Kalim laid back against the roof of the dorm, panting softly and letting his arms fall to his sides, his chin and arms glistening with blood under the full moons illumination. He could feel himself on the verge of passing out, reaching blindly for his pen as he breathlessly healed himself before the pain would make itself obvious, letting himself come down slowly from his happy state of mind as he licked the blood clean off of himself, small giggles slowly turning drowsy.

As the dizziness began to ease, he forced himself to sit up. He needed to get back to his room to clean up any mess that would indicate what he had been doing before Jamil would come in the morning to wake him up. He took a few shaky breaths as tears finally started to well up in his eyes. Even with the blood, with the one thing that made him feel sane, nothing compared to the amount of guilt and loneliness that came from remembering the way Jamil looked at him when he overblotted. From the things he said. Kalim looked down at his arms again, and then to the dagger within arms reach, his fingers moving faster than his mind as his vision went blurry from tears. He wasn't ready to go to sleep yet. Just a little more, just a little more he whispered under his breath as he plunged the knife deeper than before, something between laughter and a wail leaving him as mania took over and the crimson stain of his blood cascading down his arm and painting his mouth red as he chased his feeling of euphoria.

[slight-gaming-addict]

Masterlist

angst ~ 🥀 | fluff ~ 🌹 | smut ~ 🌸 | gn!reader ~ 🌻

𝑻̰𝒘̰𝒊̰𝒔̰𝒕̰𝒆̰𝒅̰ 𝑾̰𝒐̰𝒏̰𝒅̰𝒆̰𝒓̰𝒍̰𝒂̰𝒏̰𝒅̰

headcanons:

housewardens at a halloween party 🎃🌹🌻

jealousy, jealousy II 🌻

↳ jealousy headcanons on how jealous the characters are

headcanons:

housewardens at a halloween party 🎃🌹🌻

jealousy, jealousy 🌻

↳ jealousy headcanons on how jealous the characters are

imagines:

happy birthday, prefect! 🌹🌻

↳ imagines based on birthday voicelines from characters

headcanons:

housewardens at a halloween party 🎃🌹🌻

jealousy, jealousy 🌻

↳ jealousy headcanons on how jealous the characters are

drabbles:

celebrating azul's birthday 🌹🌻

headcanons:

housewardens at a halloween party 🎃🌹🌻

jealousy, jealousy II 🌻

↳ jealousy headcanons on how jealous the characters are

headcanons:

vil x reader 🌸

↳ you ask vil to paint your nails and he takes time out of his very busy day to do so

housewardens at a halloween party 🎃🌹🌻

jealousy, jealousy 🌻

↳ jealousy headcanons on how jealous the characters are

imagines:

happy birthday, prefect! 🌹🌻

↳ imagines based on birthday voicelines from characters

headcanons:

housewardens at a halloween party 🎃🌹🌻

jealousy, jealousy II 🌻

↳ jealousy headcanons on how jealous the characters are

imagines:

happy birthday, prefect! 🌹🌻

↳ imagines based on birthday voicelines from characters

headcanons:

housewardens at a halloween party 🎃🌹🌻

jealousy, jealousy 🌻

↳ jealousy headcanons on how jealous the characters are

˚ ༘✶ ⋆｡˚ ⁀➷

song fics:

silver x reader {phases - prettymuch} 🥀🌹🌻

jamil x reader {505 - arctic monkeys} 🥀🌻

silver x reader {swim - chase atlantic} 🌸🌻

𝑮̰𝒆̰𝒏̰𝒔̰𝒉̰𝒊̰𝒏̰ 𝑰̰𝒎̰𝒑̰𝒂̰𝒄̰𝒕̰

one shots:

take a break {al-haitham x reader} 🌹🌻

↳ you try to get al-haitham to take a break from work to enjoy his birthday

[yuri-is-online]

A Step Behind the Curtain (Jamil Viper x Yuu)

He didn't know you then, but that didn't stop your kindness. If you were willing to go so far out of your way for a literal stranger what would you do if you were friends? How far would you go for someone you cared for?

Would you still want to wish him happy birthday?

notes: they/them pronouns used for Yuu, stranger crushes, mild angst with the intent of comfort, Jamil deserves nice things. If you like this please check my master list here.

The first birthday Jamil had at Night Raven College had been painful. He had been looking forward to it initially, marked it in ink in his planner with the expectation that he would get to spend it alone.

When Kalim showed up he'd thrown away the whole book instead of re-arrange it. The thaumarks it cost to replace was nothing compared to the blow the Asim's continued to deal his pride. This year Kalim had agreed to keep from throwing any ostentatious surprise parties, but there was still the threat he would decide he knew Jamil's wants better than the man himself and do... something. If he was in a more reflective mood he might have noted that by "something" he really meant "anything," but the tension headache working itself across his forehead is preventing any thought other than a need for medication.

That he has conveniently run out of, it's all he can do to keep from grinding his teeth and making the pain worse. This is not the first time he has been grateful there aren't limited hours on the school's hospital wing, and it might not even be the last time today depending on what Kalim has planned. It is the first time he walks in on someone already sorting through the first aid cabinet, it stops him in his tracks and almost tricks him into pinching himself to make sure he's awake.

"Oh I'm sorry." The other student is just as surprised to see him, but they keep their voice at a three a.m. appropriate quiet. "Jamil right?"

"Right." He can't figure out if he has the right to encroach on their space, maybe it's the headache but he can't place the face anywhere. There is a funny feeling at the realization they know his name, different than when Azul says it but flavored with a similar worry as he opens his mouth to try and ask for his turn with the cabinet only to find they've somehow closed the gap with the tablets he was looking for in their outstretched hand.

"You were massaging your head." Is all they offer to soothe his confusion, turning towards their back pack to offer him an unopened water bottle before they turn to leave. He doesn't take the pills immediately, instead he finds his fingers curling around the packet and slowly trying to cover his heart with the illusion of their warmth. Their hands had been cold, but had he really touched them long enough to know that?

"Thanks." He means it, but they just shrug at him with a smile, as if they would do this for anyone despite somehow knowing his name.

"Don't mention it." Their name is Yuu, he belatedly realizes as he agonizes over what you're welcome would have sounded like from their voice instead of a dismissal of merit. As if sensing he wanted to hear more, they pause in the infirmary doors and turn to him with a smile he knows he could never afford. "Oh! It's your birthday right?" And before he can prepare himself they half sing "Happy birthday~ I hope it gets better." He drops the pills in shock but they're gone into the early morning air before he they can realize the flustered mess they've left.

Happy birthday. He bends to pick up the packet and downs the medication along with the fluttering feeling in his heart. There is no time to think about this now, for now he will simply hold onto the gentle calm they created for him. It can fuel his desire for a better life later, in the quiet of the petty realization that this year, Kalim was not the first person to wish him well.

[my-1heart]

Twisted Wonderland Masterlist

All Twisted Wonderland works found here!

✿ most popular per character

★ author’s favorite

Not every character will be found! I only write for specific people I feel comfortable and confident writing for!

Heartslabyul

Riddle Rosehearts

…did he go collar someone again?

Trey Clover

…must be busy preparing for the next unbirthday party…

Cater Diamond

Dating a Diamond! (Imagine | 161 words) ★ ✿

Ask Me! (265 words)

Your Hand (238 words)

To Bite You is to Love You (386 words) ★

Ace Trappola

…surely he isn’t causing trouble, right?

Deuce Spade

…oh? Is he with Ace?

Savannaclaw

Leona Kingscholar

Close Your Eyes and Dream (455 words) ★

I’m here for them. (545 words)

If You Want it, it’s Yours. (833 words) ✿

Birthday Naps (999 words)

Ruggie Bucchi

Eating Together is Always Better! (415 words)

Jack Howl

…probably training for magift…

Octavinelle

Azul Ashengrotto

…must have a lot of contracts to look over…

Jade Leech

…the Mostro Lounge must be terribly busy right now…

Floyd Leech

Hug me! (630 words) ✿

Kiss here or kiss there? (377 words) ★

We’ve got a Sweet Kind of Love (475 words) ★

You bite, I bite… and kiss (

Scarabia

Kalim Al-Asim

…maybe he’s at a band meet?

Jamil Viper

Braiding your hair, my favorite thing to do (464 words) ★

I… I love flowers! (2/2 Valentine special | 701 words) ★

Shooting hearts rather than hoops (847 words) ★ ✿

Pomefiore

Vil Schoenheit

What Will it Take for You to Rest? (737 words)

I hope you’ve been well. (Angst | 352 words) ★

Hold my hand (617 words) ★ ✿

I love you too much to mind. (Imagine | 242 words)

Too much to ask… (1/2 Valentine special | 603 words) ★

What did you call me? (First request!! | 370 words)

Rook Hunt

…to be honest, I don’t know where he is…

Epel Felmier

…shhh, he’s hiding from Vil…

Ignihyde

Idia Shroud

…I assume he’s playing games right now…

Ortho Shroud (ALL PLATONIC)

…he said he’d check on his brother…

Diasomnia

Malleus Draconia

Moonlit Dances are so Clique. (648 words)

Lilia Vanrouge

…what’s that… what’s that smell?

Silver

…he left to go check out the smell… said it was from the kitchen?

Sebek Zigvolt

…he said he’s looking for Malleus…

[fungifanart]

So guess who finally (FINALLY) got around to making a

Masterlist?

Rules for requesting (Also, this all is on my AO3 if you prefer that, but you'll need to be logged in to view them) Requests are currently closed.

(In no particular order) (Also, some of these are Old so be nice)

Genshin:

Untitled (Childe x traveler!reader)

Nature's Wrath (Dendro!reader)

Replicate and Replace (Aether is sus of Albedo)

Failed Experiment (Albedo x alchemist!reader)

The Fool's Journey (Genshin cult AU)

This Is My Fight Song (Childe x gn!reader)

Let's Dance, Boys! (Childe x male!reader)

Twisted wonderland:

Mauvelous (Idia x gn!reader)

A Rainbow of Anarchy (Kalim x male!reader)

I'll Show You True Terror (Yuu!reader takes the reins for Halloween)

A Song of Hatred Sung by Despair (Yuu!reader overblots)

False Happiness (Sequel to the reader overblotting)

The Studious Witch β69 (BaYuunetta au)

Rating the boys based on if/how well I think they can dance (Self-explanatory)

MC's birthday (Leona x male!Yuu crack)

MC has Had Enough (Trey and male!Yuu crack)

MC chooses violence (Sebek and gn!reader crack)

Parent-Teacher meeting (Crewel and male!Yuu crack)

Disillusionment (What if MC wasn't in on Malleus's plan)

Resentment (Part 2 of Disillusionment)

Choices (Part 3 of Disillusionment)

You make me feel safe (Trey x male!reader fluff)

What was I talking about? (Leona x gn!reader angst)

Once upon a dream (.....)

Tea For Two (Riddle x male!reader fluff)

Reflection (Lilia x FTM!Reader hurt/comfort)

Subzero Sonata (Vil x Male reader songfic)

Happy Birthday? (Trey x Male reader fluff)

A scar in the mind (Rook x Male reader hurt/comfort)

Fatigue (Trey x male reader hurt/comfort)

Task Failed Successfully? (Ace x male reader hurt/comfort)

Budget for love (Ruggie x Male reader hurt/comfort + kinda crack at the end??)

Like a bundle of grapes (Twst charity drive request)

Home (Twst x reader angst)

Daily Log (Leona x reader)

Deserted (Leona x male reader heavy angst)

Misc.:

Brutal Honesty (Fire Emblem Heroes)

Matters of The Heart (Fire Emblem Heroes)

Servitude (Edmond x Jamil-like male!reader)

And I'll Keep On Dancing (L&D Zayne x male reader)