#just... much to think about
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clancy tour, łødź 2025 - essay by pøppy
[warning: the essay is written in three parts, because i wanted to describe all three days we spent in łódź. if you only want to read about my concert experience, that's part two. feel free to just skip the first day. or read the whole thing. i don't care.]

[025 04MOON 08 - DAY ONE]
if there's one thing i'm constantly thinking about, it's definitely the clique. i've been walking around my own city in my diy sahlo folina jacket for god knows how long now, and i've never met a single person who would recognize it. well, maybe there are no clikkies in poland after all? wrong. there's more than you could ever think of. but i didn't know that, and bel didn't know either, so imagine how exciting and surprising it must have been for us to see so many of them on our train to łódź. you can tell. you can always tell, because every person has at least one piece of... well, tøp coded something? i can't really call the red tape a part of merch (or can i...?). but anyway. red tape everywhere. so imagine: a whole carriage full of clikkies and we are all on our way to see those two idiots from columbus, ohio. insane.
we arrived around noon and we still had plenty of time to waste (the concert was supposed to be tomorrow), so we obviously went to eat something and grab some coffee. in mcdonald's we saw a girl in skeleton hoodie and i will probably remember her for the rest of my life, just because every clikkie is like a family to me.
after that we decided to go to the arena to see if they have any billboards with boys there, but also, we wanted to check if what we've heard before was true: clikkies already started forming the fan line... to our surprise, over ten people were already there, and it was literally more than 24h before the concert (y'all are crazy btw). panic. panic and calculation. panic, because we had a plan, but the plan was kinda ruined now, we just didn't expect them to show up this early. calculation, because if ten people are already there and it's literally 1pm, do we still have a chance to get our wristbands around 5am tomorrow? much to think about...
so the rest of the afternoon was pretty much the most stressful event of our lives, because we were trying to relax a bit at the hotel (while watching pretty much all their music videos, because we had a tv there), but it wasn't easy. i kept refreshing twitter for any kind of information about the queue. 120 people after 7pm. again, panic. we need a new plan. we couldn't really sleep and we basically got up in the middle of the night. i checked twitter once again. somebody said people stopped showing up, so we decided to go back to sleep for one more hour. 3:50, we're at the bus stop, on our way to the arena, freezing. according to twitter, 280 people are already there. we arrived after 4am and we finally got our numbers - 318 for bel and 319 for me. we're home.

okay, now what? now we wait in the cold till 8am for the official wristbands from the team. we spent some of this time singing saturday, a few clikkies complimented our jackets, one little girl who remembered us from the train found us there and gave us friendship bracelets (bel picked sai and i picked truce, because i was singing "the sun will rise and we will try again" while waiting for the sun to finally show up, because, again, it was so damn cold that night), then somehow we formed a group of five people and we basically adopted the funniest and the most chaotic girl we've ever met. the team was late (like. two hours late), so we got our wristbands around 10am and it was time to finally go back to the hotel to get some rest, eat something and get ready for the show. we were exhausted, yeah, but it was all worth it.
[025 04MOON 09 - THE SHOW]
we came back to the arena around 4pm, all dressed up and with our new bandito friend. we actually formed the same group, all five of us, and one of our new friends was playing twenty one pilots songs on kazoo this whole time and we were supposed to guess the track. so much fun.
there is also one thing that everybody knows for sure: clikkies are the most creative and talented people on planet earth. i'm still super proud of our outfits, but i just wanted to mention that every single person looked absolutely incredible. i love you, clikkies.
so we're finally there. exhausted, but alive. and we can't believe how close we actually are. we knew our view was going to be sick, but damn, this was even better than we expected. the support band, balu brigada, was absolutely amazing. i guess i understand now why they were picked. they finished, it's quiet, now we wait.
8:45pm. "what's your eta?", we hear tyler's voice. "2 minutes!", we yell back. my stomach hurts and i'm sweating.
trust me when i tell you that you can watch thousands of livestreams of the same show and you may think you are well prepared, but the truth is, you're not ready for what's coming. hearing the first notes of overcompensate, screaming "i created this world to feel some control (...)" with the entire arena, first time seeing josh on the drums... i cannot even describe this feeling. goosebumps. tears in my eyes. head empty, just them. i'm home, i'm home, i'm home...
then all of a sudden a motherfucking cat jumps out from behind the piano. i recognize this kitty. tyler joseph. i wish i could say something entirely different about the first time i saw him that night, but my very first thought was "he's so smol, this cat" and "his dancing is even funnier in real life oh my god". i promise i'm not making fun of him, it's adorable actually.
before the show i had a dilemma: do i want to record videos or do i want to be present in the moment? turns out you can do both. multitasking at its finest. so i recorded tyler's jump and i also had so much fun seeing it with my own eyes (i was basically just holding my phone in the air, i wasn't watching the show through the screen, i was just zooming sometimes but i was mostly focused on what was happening on stage, so that's why most of the photos are blurry but some of them accidentally turned out perfect, somehow).
holding on to you. crowd stand. tyler is so close to us i can barely breathe. he's so tiny, tiny kitty with his sick microphone. and he's rapping. holding on to you is one of my favourite songs, because i'm a basic bitch. he's back on stage. hoty backflip. joshua william dun, i love you. the transition to vignette. i scream so loud, i don't even know what's happening. where do i go from here?! neil banging out the tunes. little kitty on the floor with his little cat piano. oh god. i'm home. car radio. disappearing trick. little guy clancy shows up... higher than we expected. sick dude. face reveal. tyler joseph is not bald, and thank god, he's fluffier than ever. am i really here? what is happening???
the judge. i can finally start breathing, because here's a fan video mark recorded outside the arena before the show. everybody looks amazing. it's one of my favourite parts of the show, because we are included and it's awesome. we sing the first verse of the judge, the chorus, now tyler shows up. i can finally see his face, because he took off the clancy mask. and, oh god, he's even more beautiful in real life.
the thing about me is that i was never the biggest fan of cut my lip, i like it, sure, but it's not my favourite song. however, it is my sister's favourite, so i promised her a video. and thank god i did, because i accidentally recorded everything tyler said to us. first of all, he was actually making fun of josh's outfit and the entire interaction between boys was super cute. second of all, he learned to pronounce the name of our city, and since łódź sounds very similar to "would ya (just without the a)", he had to make fun of it as well (he actually said "łódź ya? uwu" which was definitely not on my bingo card, but oh well). he also said he loves poland, but what else is new (łódź is the new columbus. just move here already).
i'm not going to post any videos here, but look at my ukulele boy.

moving on.
the craving. i already want to cry, because i absolutely love all jenna's songs. tear in my heart. super fun. i love how silly and aggressive he always gets during the bridge. backslide. everybody shut up, it's my song. bel, start recording right fucking now. the motherfucking chair. tyler joseph what the fuck are you doing. close your legs. the chorus. i want to cry. i can't believe i'm here. kinda wishing that i never did saturday. shut up tyler. again, what is he doing. the emotional ending. THE SCREAM. backslide, backslide, backslide... i wanna give him a hug and tell him it's going to be okay. actually i want to hug the song. i don't know.
shy away is super fun, thank you for the scream. heathens. you know what that means. the transition from heathens to next semester is my favourite thing in the world and i also promised bel to record next semester for her, so that's what i'm doing. the end of the song. tyler is not moving. what is going on. is this part of the lore, is he pretending to be a statue, is he posing for a photo, who the fuck knows. the song ends. bel is crying. i feel so happy, because she gets it. we're home.
routines in the night means we're slowly moving to the b stage. i still know nothing about the bomb tyler is going to drop on us later, so i just enjoy the song. we're actually far from b stage, but that's okay. routines is fun, we are vibing. the end of the song. tyler is playing the piano. he suddenly stops. some guy standing next to us yells at him: "DON'T". "i like you guys", tyler says. "i'd like to tell you something real quick", he starts. my stomach hurts. i want to throw up and i'm sweating. i know something is coming, i just don't know what, but i unlock my phone and i start recording.
nothing ever prepares you for this kind of announcement. it's fun to see it on your screen while watching livestreams, sure. but experiencing something like this live stays with you forever. "we would like to announce here in poland that we are gonna officially release the demo version of doubt". what the actual fuck. what the actual fuck. "we're gonna play it right now". what. "i'm just kidding. we're just releasing it. we don't know how to play it." oh. you think you're so funny tyler.
i can't exactly remember if the announcement was before or after the line. either way the line live sounds absolutely amazing. tyler is killing it. his voice sounds so soft i want to kill myself actually. moving on to mulberry street. the flashlight game is always super fun, but looks even better when you're actually there. mul-berry-street. sogoodtoseeyou. "alright, save your battery", tyler says. the song ends. lore time.
the amount of people who were actually surprised when they saw torchie and clancy walking to the stage side by side literally shocked me. i thought everyone saw the show at least once on a grainy livestream. anyway. when dema started burning, people were screaming "YEAH!!!", it was actually incredible. yes, burn it to the ground, boys! everybody cheered.
hearing navigating live is something so personal actually. imagine screaming your tumblr url at the top of your lungs with the entire arena. fun times. at the beginning of it tyler looks so happy. i think he's smiling. he loves the song now, we changed it for him. the bridge. i think tyler is crying, his voice is shaking. my poor baby. i love you navigating, i love you tyler joseph, i love you i love you i love you.


nico and the niners/heavydirtysoul. dema visuals are actually sick. i am so normal about the lore. hahaha. no i'm not. anyway. my blood. it was never my favourite, but i love this song now. "if you find yourself in a lion's den i'll jump right in and pull my pin... in poooooland". i love you tyler. i'm going to jump off a cliff.
the end of the song. i think i know the setlist. i think i know what's coming next. the lights go out. everything is red. tyler is just sitting on the floor. he's wearing the skeleton mask. i can feel my heart in my throat. suddenly i'm too hot, i can't breathe, i'm sweating, i want to cry. what is going on. this is not on the setlist, what is happening. what. what?!
doubt demo. oh, for fuck's sake.
this is the kind of thing that stays with you forever, like i said. this motherfucker not only announced the song here in poland, they also decided to perform it here for the first time. how am i supposed to recover from that. people died. i am people. i am very very dead right now. y'all are invited to my funeral by the way.
it's official now. doubt demo is the new polish national anthem. it is ours now. i don't make the rules.
the transition from guns for hands to lavish is something that should be illegal. but anyway. i'm emotional now. guns for hands might be one of the most important songs ever. we cry. welcome to the new way of living... stupid fucking sunglasses. capri suns spotted in the pit. jOsH iS sHiRtLeSs. tyler is sooooo happy about it, apparently. i can't blame him. bel takes the best picture of the boys i've ever seen. i record the entire song. the wedding. hashtag joshler is real. josh is throwing the boquet his t-shirt at some guy, we're gonna find him later. tyler is dancing macarena. lavish live is a gift for society. we don't deserve it. take all my money. this is the best day of my life.
ride. somebody throws four pokemon plushies on stage. they are for tommy, tyler's son. it's his birthday, so we sing happy birthday for him, but in polish. tyler is confused and he doesn't know what to do, so he's just improvising. he kicks out two of them. the other two can stay. good. now he sings with this little girl named laura (or "naura" if you wish). he compliments her shirt with ned. she says nothing. he's being adorable about it. the lore again.
the ukulele during paladin strait sounds so lovely in real life i'm actually going to pass out. i need tyler to hit me in the head. josh's vocals. what the fuck. i can't be alone, guess i never told you so... making my way towards you. the bridge. the bridge. the bridge. tyler is still singing paladin, while josh is singing bandito. i'm going to die. we're all going to die. what in the lore... josh on the platform. i cry. he's so close. i don't even pay attention to tyler anymore. they finish first part of the song. the birds are chirping. the most unexpected thing happens: the entire arena is singing leave the city and i think i'm going to die, because this was my biggest dream. all flashlights on. "in time i will leave the city, for now i will stay alive...", we keep repeating. i have tears in my eyes. i love you clikkies. we did it. this is the best thing that ever happened. what the fuck. the sound of ukulele comes back. on the ground are banditos, fighting while i find nico... the song is almost finished. so few, so proud, so emotional. hello clancy. now jumpsuit. "THE COAT", i scream.
and jumpsuit is actually insane. trench visuals? yellow petals falling from the ceiling? the motherfucking coat? the energy? this is one of my favourite songs. i take some of the best pictures i've ever taken. one of them will be my lockscreen pic. i will never change it. this is sick. what am i even doing here.


tyler is taking off the coat. midwest indigo. it's fun, we're vibing. stressed out. if stressed out has no fans, it means i'm dead etc. the visuals are sick. tyler in red beanie. bel is going insane. josh is singing too. this version is sick. what the fuck. what the fuck. what the fuck.
trees.
red circle on the fucking floor. you know what that means.
everyone always says that trees in the pit with the band is a religious experience and they are actually right. you cannot even describe it. you just have to be there. and holy fuck, i'm actually here right now. in the pit. so close to tyler and he's so pretty. what the fuck. we start to sing. i want to cry. "moooooooy death" is still alive. it makes me so happy. here we, here we, here we fucking go. tyler splashes some water on me. this will be my biggest flex for the rest of forever. the last part of the song is fucking insane. i want to record it, but i also want to fully experience it so i just hold my phone in the air and it's the most chaotic trees video you've ever seen. i can barely breathe, i'm sweating, confetti falls into my mouth and i don't know what's going on anymore, but i've never felt happier. i want to know you, i want to see, i want to say... hello.


i love you trees. i love you forever.
unfortunately that was the last song. but we managed to steal some confetti from the pit. we also found the guy in josh's t-shirt. we took the photos with the bishops outside the arena. and we were going back to the hotel during fucking snowstorm around 1am, completely exhausted. insane.
but if you think this is the end... well. does it sound like the end?
[025 04MOON 10 - THE MORNING AFTER]
here we, here we, here we fucking go... it's all i can hear in my head when i wake up.
you can't really call it post concert depression. it was different this time. it was the best day of our lives and i actually woke up happier than ever. i got to experience all of this with my best friend and not just because she wanted to go there with me, but because these boys are also her favourite band now (trust me, guys, it's different to go with someone who actually gets it).
they saved our lives in ways they will never know.
but it's not just about music. it's about community and finding the reason to stay alive.
we got matching tattoos. cøver me for me, cøvering you for bel. we showed them to this girl we met at the restaurant when we were waiting for our bus. she was sitting alone, but we invited her to sit with us. we're all one big family after all, clikkies. it's insane, because i always describe myself as the biggest introvert. but i love all of them. every single person i interacted with during those three days, you will remain forever in my heart.
and i can't help but think now: everything that happened in my life just because i decided to join this fandom, if this isn't the reason to stay alive, i don't know what is. all these friends i've made along the way, the music that helped me make sense of who i actually am, knowing that i truly belong somewhere, because in trench i'm not alone... i will cherish it forever.
we've made it this far, kid. thank you for reading my thoughts. thank you for being my friend. thank you, thank you, thank you.
it's a cycle. now let's stay alive long enough to experience this again. and again and again.
⊬
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shoutout to everyone who wants to infodump but cant string together coherent thoughts to form sentences and instead just look at you like this
#and by 'everyone' i mean me. im just hoping other people relate lmao#someone asks me about a thing i like and im just like h..................#been thinking about The Character for a solid 6 months+ and let me tell you. expldoeing soon#this is about ffxv btw . how am i supposed to say how much it lives in my brain . i cant think#text#1k#5k#10k#15k#20k#great googly moogly#30k#40k#50k#60k#boooy what da heeel#70k#80k#90k#will this be my first ever post to hit 100k... it remains to be seen#good lord. we did it#100k
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something they don’t tell you about being autistic is that every character you write WILL end up autistic/autistic-coded whether you like it or not
#icarus speaks#thinking about orion’s belt!purp#i’ve made her so fucking autistic on complete accident 😭#just bc i project so much onto cpurp in general
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The math just adds up!
#dungeon meshi#falin touden#marcille donato#farcille#I always loved how chapter 27 ends with them both so bloody and 28 starts with them in the bath.#not just because of how iconic the bathtub moment is but because you know they had to scrap off so much gore first.#I think everyone in the party took a very long and methodical bath but Falin was basically *all* blood*.#Being covered in blood is one of those 'just girly things' that women deserve to stop being shamed about.#I just don't think Chilchuck is progressive enough. He probably made them take a bath first B*/#Okay jestering aside I want to just highlight -#The magnitude of Marcille's joy at seeing her dearest friend again! Of holding her and sharing her presence in the same room!#Something about this reunion feels like a beautiful dream you are afraid of waking up from...
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I actually need some fanfic, where Bruce and Jason are in the middle of some argument, and a casual (and a well-practiced with Dick before) sentence leaves his mouth, something along the lines "How old do you think you are?!", meaning that he is acting childishly. And because Jason is irritated, and his tongue runs loose in his anger, he screams back that he is nineteen, and Bruce just freezes, because... Oh. Jason is nineteen. He is a fucking kid - his kid - that lost years of his teenhood, and was forced back without anyone giving him a space to catch up, with everyone else already treating him like an adult... When he isn't.
#you all don't understand how devastating it is to die like a kid and be back to everyone moving on and expecting you to run with them#when you are just learning to pace#no one give him time to come to his senses#and no one spoke with him about it#just how much derealisation it could bring#do you think jason sometimes still feels like he is a kid despite being so tall and strong#like he realises that he doesn't look like kid but in his mind everyone sees him like one#even though they never treat him like one#DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN#— lie's rambling#jason todd#red hood#dcu comics#dc universe#dcu#batman#bruce wayne
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I love how Gerald was trying to keep Shadow from spoiling anything about the future meanwhile literally everything Shadow says and does around Maria is the biggest death flag ever
#in fairness i’m sure both past robotniks just assumed her illness would be what killed her h a#sxsg#sxsg spoilers#sonic x shadow generations#shadow the hedgehog#maria robotnik#ark siblings#sonic#comic#my art#doodles#so this was pretty much entirely done 24 hours ago#but ironically was distracted from posting earlier by playing sxsg#and then watching snapcube play it cause her delight is addicting#i’m missing 2 chests and 2 bolts and I wanna see if I can pull it off without a guide haha#anyways now I’m thinking about the fact that maria and gerald probably went back to their time assuming maria would die of her sickness#and how that would change their respective behaviors#i bet gerald would be holding out that maria would still live a bit longer#just cause shadow inadvertently revealed he’s from at least 50 years in the future due to having met black doom before#(which rewatching cutscenes to remember this quote he Did try to play off a little bit with some sort of#‘oh what do you think the alien squid meant by ’this time i’ll beat you’ that’s so crazy’ comment)#so hey maybe it wasn’t a perfect cure but she managed to live another 10-20 years at least?#all the more reason to press harder surely!#meanwhile maria is coming to terms with her mortality at age 14 or whatever she is#frankly I bet she came to terms with it long ago the way she seems to be written#okay back to snapcube
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i'm not like other guys i take an angsty au and make it a comedy
Ford: I've managed to record substantial evidence on tape, such as floating objects, footsteps that are not my own, and radio weirdness; The host or singer will slip in observations of my being that I simply cannot chalk up to coincidence. Whether this being is a ghost, or one of Bills tricks I've yet to discover… There are more dubious encounters such as the whispers, spine shivering chills, and of the brief shadowy figures I see down dark hallways. (Proof of an apparition? or simply a hallucination dreamt up by my sleep deprived mind?) I fear my mind is slipping further and further-
Ford: What is that blasted noise?! Stan: Cartoons got ghosts shockingly realistic! Ford: Reminds me of... being annoyed.
#gravity falls#gravity falls au#stanley pines#stanford pines#my stuff#Fords in a horror#Stans in a cartoon#stan knows he's putting ford on edge... just doesn't realise how much#and he may have purposely scared him on occasion#he hangs out around town more that in the shack#he's having a blast honestly. despite dying. as long as he doesn't think about it for too long#Fords... doing unethical science. medic tf2 style#he bill proofs his mind some point#but still doesn't sleep 👍#frankenghost au
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She looks very cute, but I am giving up on this piece I’m afraid-
#slamming my head against the wall trying to figure out colors#I give up and you get monochrome#ol reliable..#anyway I think Moon would look cute in just about anything tbh#maybe I should’ve made the clothes more white tho because this is TOO MUCH blue#rain world#my art#unfinshed art#looks to the moon
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everyone sh. shutd up im cooking smthn
#genshin impact#venti#what am i cooking?? no idea#oh this isnt canon? dont care leave me alone#i remember thinking years ago how badass it would be to have to fight all the archons in reverse order once u get to celestia#like. not that they want to. but celestia or the heavenly principles control them not thru the gnosis but thru their thrones#dont. dont think about it too much i do NOT have enough brains to keep up with accurate lore details#i just want to see venti having lied about being the 'weakest' archon. that bitch has a fucking church theres no way. also gap moe is hhh#fitting to have your first major ally end up being a final-ish boss fight#zilly art
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ngl im not even a superman fan. i just REALLY like clark kent,,, (thank you, Smallville, for that.)
#i personally think clark should get to be just a brick wall of a guy. as a treat.#i hope my adoration for clark is visible in how i draw him. i love him so much and i dont even know any of his lore#outside of what was in Smallville ofc#clark kent#superman#kal el#lois lane#bruce wayne#fanart#art#clark kent fanart#i will forever love clark and just be meh about superman#supe's just not as cool
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eastern european haunted emily axford pc, transfem daughter of libertarians ally beardsley pc, spot on pub representation grizzled old british lady siobhan thompson pc, nasty old gun guy zac oyama pc, posh boy brian murphy pc, famous explorer with a book series that really falls off lou wilson pc we're fucking eating this season my god
#the comment about old white women who don't know what suncream is and have only ever worked outside sent meeeee#is that just every person I've ever met growing up in rural england I think so#this was so fucking good I just smiled the whole way through I love them all so much#transfem pc time let's fucking gooo!!!!#there's nothing funnier to me than the fact that the gotch sons names get more normal as you go down the line#like the fact that they started at samwell and then there's hatwell and wealwell and we end with maxwell is so fucking funny#van using normans as an insult had me crying#the wildly impressive old woman married to just a guy and they have a pub and are like completely infatuated with each other is perfect#and very accurate#the fucking gentrified pub idk why I'm only thinking about the gentrified pub in all of this but it's so real#also everyone slagging off lou's book series before he even gets to introduce his character screaming#I'm literally obsessed with all of them#cloudward ho!#cloudward ho#dimension 20 cloudward ho#dimension 20 cloudward ho!#d20#dimension 20#marya junková#van chapman#olethra macleod#daisuke bucklesby#montgomery lamontgomery#maxwell gotch#the names are fucking banging as well omg#love steampunk with all my heart
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The funniest thing Stranger Things could do is reveal that Steve’s parents are like, really liberal. They donate to AIDs research. They were arrested protesting the Vietnam War. They campaigned for Mondale. Steve tells them that Nancy broke up with him and they’re like, “Thank god, that family believes in Reaganomics.”
#they’re never home because they’re civil rights attorneys#they meet Robin and tell her that they’re not exactly ‘friends of Dorothy’ (they tried. didnt like it) but they’re cool with Dorothy#and all her friends#Robin’s about to cry and Steve is just like ‘…who the fuck is Dorothy?’#I think it’d be funny if they were the exact opposite of what the fandom thinks#though I love ‘Steve has bad parents’ angst so much#steve harrington#stranger things
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PnF Spirit Week 1: May 26th - Parental Units
Heinz and Charlene may have their share of troubles as a divorced couple, but no one can deny that they are good parents to Vanessa. A little bit overprotective at times, but what can one do, when their precious only child had entered puberty a bit too early for their comfort.
#phineas and ferb#pnfspiritweek#pnf#heinz doofenshmirtz#charlene doofenshmirtz#vanessa doofenshmirtz#dr. doofenshmirtz#originally it was just supposed to be a doodle of doof family but a small comic idea attacked me out of nowhere#because i kept thinking about that scene where doof banished the bike creep and i was like: there is gotta be a story of how he decided#to make that inator lol#im now 2 days behind spiritweek unfortunately TTwTT sadly i had a horrible migraine yesterday and today i only had time to work on this#but hope to catch up later ;3#also this is the first and last time i draw doof I CANT FUCKIN DRAW HIM#on a sidenote Vanessa is not embarassed they protected her but by how much scene they caused. after all she barely blinked when D#banished biker - partially because she was already used to it buti believe the evil part in her quite enjoys the oblitiration part lol.#on a 2nd sidenote: doof insulted manager of car rental thats why charlene and vanessa came to pick him up xD a lil backstory ;)
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The "frustration tolerance" post has generated a lot of reactions and I wish I could keep up and read all of them, but it got me going into a lot of introspection and how I got over the "inaction due to perfectionism" issue.
IMPORTANT NOTE: I'm autistic but I don't have ADHD. It came as a surprise to me that several people were new to the phrase "frustration tolerance" and it is worth mentioning that this is a concept I learned during my time as a clinician in occupational therapy when working with kids on the spectrum, which yes, absolutely involves autism and ADHD, and you should know it's not your fault, but this should also give you a clue that this is something that can be worked on.
Tough self-talk (tough, not derogatory mind you) may not work for some of you, but it does for me, and the next lines might be unpleasant to hear. Also a disclaimer that this is all very specific to me and my experiences so take it with a grain of salt.
I found that the root cause of the "inaction due to perfectionism" is ego. I think about myself too fucking much. Drawing is just another problem that can be solved with a logical series of steps (practice, study, repetition). Deep down you know this. The problem is that this logic breaks down if you think of yourself as an exception to the rule for whatever reason, for instance if you were like me and was told at a young age that I was naturally gifted at drawing and didn't need further studies (I didn't start actually studying until I was 21-22). Well! Tough shit. But also I'm a grown-ass man who gives a fuck what my high school teachers said about me. The faster you get your head out of your ass about the gifted kid bullshit and just think of yourself as just another average schmuck the faster and more efficiently you can put in mileage and get things going.
An extension of point number 1: Did I really think I was the only person on earth who gives a shit about perfectionism? Of course not. Every other person who put out a creative piece of work is just as concerned as me and just as bummed out about the mediocrity of the results. The only difference is that they tried and they got something out of it. If the idea is really just that good just fucking go back to it later. Again and again, better this time. It's not a big deal.
I promise so much of this is just rooted to tempering down your ego and it genuinely is nuts how low self-esteem and being full of yourself are concepts that just feed into one another but I believe that once you're aware of this you can find some balance. Not everyday, some days are just bad. It happens. But just keep that in mind. OK!
#mcives#i have so much more to say because this is artist introspection that i think about often#and i simply had no clue it would resonate with so many of you like this#this sounds really serious but sometimes it really is just#don't take yourself so seriously lol#even if pursuit of ambition is in itself serious#balance yanno
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back from break and catching up on stuff! (belated) congrats Eng on getting dog sensei :D :D :D
#art#twisted wonderland#quick thing just to experiment with ~brushes~#also just because at any given moment i am thinking about how much crewel misses his dog(s?)#and must project his love onto emma and her beautiful spots instead 😔#he spends every day trying to keep the world's pettiest teenage jerks from exploding the room and/or themselves#when he could be at home petting a dog#crewel is the strongest man alive
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"This is some gay shit" Good. Silly. Fair enough. Doesn't inherently invalidate other interpretations of the relationship. Honestly yeah, it is kind of gay regardless of their canonical relationship status
"There's literally no platonic explanation for th-" WRONG!! KILLING YOU WITH AMATANORMATIVITY KILLING LOBSTERS 🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞🦞
#i like a good ship as much as the next guy. in fact im mostly a shipper but good lord this phrase pisses me off sometimes#especially when its a relationship that canonically is explicitly platonic to highlight the importance of platonic relationships. COUGH#malevolent#COUGH. <- i ship private eyes. i dont have an issue with it. i think its just when people phrase like that specifically that its a bit HHHH#uhm uhm uhhhh. slips.#jayvik#WOAH. how did that get there (obligatory: i literally ship them. again its just.. the phrasings kind of insanely dismissive of friendships)#amatanormativity#fandom critical#fandom discourse#txt#johnlock#<- AS IN LITERATURE. LIKE. LIKE NOT BBC SPECIFIC (BECAUSE THAT WAS A QUEERBAIT I'M AFRAID)#sashannarcy#<- theyre like. in a polycule to me but that doesnt mean their canonical friendship isnt worth celebrating#dare i say#bnha#mha#rwby#<- I SHIP BUMBLEBY THIS IS NOT ABOUT THEM#lord of the rings#<- again not the ships specifically thats the issue but its just the implication that a romantic reading is like inherently superior#to a platonic one#this isnt even a critique of shipping. i think shippings fine as long as youre willing to acknowledge its not inherently canon (and doesn't#have to be) and dont invalidate or devalue non romantic interpretations#9/6/25 update:#DELTARUNE
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