#kinda like snuggling. screw it he *is* technically snuggling the guy

[lunart-06]

Kamukura with emotions doesn't make him weaker than before, just because he's in relationship with Makoto doesn't mean he's gone completely *soft*. He's only gone soft in just one angle, the rest is still pretty much still the same except now he perfers to rest his head on Makoto's lap than anything else that was already available for him to simply just lean his head against.

The first thing he feels when being around makoto isn't *love*, it's simply the same feeling he always felt which is *boredom*. And the second that came along wasn't the first thing mentioned, it's *interest* (from the form of the prespective of boring normalcy that differs his own) that slowly by time turned into *obsession* (realizing this whole thing is much better than when being stuck in the tight room in his lab) and by then began to be sticking around the guy instead of the other way around and it'll be a surprise to Makoto one day and to Makoto that will only be taken as an invitation to be closer. A progress.

All in all *love* will be the LAST THING appeared even AFTER they were in a relationship because it is something that Kamukura HAS to come in terms or accept himself, or realising too late to stop it cause he only accept to be "in a relationship" (with the entitlement of 'lovers' or 'partners' and everything) with Makoto simply in a way so Makoto can stay close to him (knowing the guy's unyielding loyalty and used that to his gain), because Makoto continues to make himself intriguing to Kamukura in his own boring, simple ways because Kamukura has grow to hate and berated normalcy of the untalented by his teachers and developed it through there. Plus he never gets to experience or learn a lot more of it other than the lab staffs' explanation of how "boring" it is and it's seem to also be the reason *he* became Kamukura in the first place as well.

(So the beggining of their relationship itself, the "love" part was one-sided. Kinda. In a way)

Sure it *is* boring. The whole "normal lifestyle" thing is sure sucked away his life source (if he even had one) and it's already just as he expected even when he lets Makoto around for at least a few days, he only let the guy around cause his luck is unexpected at most times but then of COURSE Makoto would use those times to shimmy his way into Kamukura's life. Shortly yet slowly. A very strange pace it is but it worked well with both of them.

His sickening optimistic, motivating nature to upbring Kamukura's gloomy, unmotivated one to pull him in the most boring of activities eventhough he had stated either directly or indirectly that those are, obviously, *boring*.

But Makoto's other traits that has first caught him just *slightly* off guard (which is. Rare and almost to never) was his undeterred determination to prove someone wrong (either in a morality sense in what was naively generally right). Perhaps he has been too assuming of Makoto's commonly pushover antics, or maybe Makoto's usual everyday and everytime genuine optimism has put his guard down just a bit that it made him passed by the fact that Makoto- no matter how positive and hopeful- *can* get mad or bothered if being triggered in certain ways. Certain ways as in if it involves someone else or views of things morally in a negative sense (the reaction made Makoto look more.. real. Something along that line).

Im also thinking how at some point, that *stubborn* determination that *always* butts in whenever Kamukura try to state or refuse. To try and always attempting to change his mind and at some point it led to another breaking point leading to the next change and that would be Kamukura- in his still usual bored tone yet out of character dialogue, said, in *annoyance*; "can you shut up." And doesn't THAT caught them BOTH off guard.

Silence followed when both were lost in their own thoughts in trying to process it before Makoto snapped out of it first to apologise for crossing the line and in promise to not do it again. Which, Kamukura is fine with but at the same time- "no" he would say, "keep talking". Cause sure, Kamukura has a fair share of being annoyed sometimes, but THIS is different, because just *how* can he be so easily annoyed over something so... *simple* as Makoto to be able to *blurted out* the moment of thought? It's something worth to explore more. To *experience*. Because it's new and when it's new, it's usually *interesting and unexpected* to someone like Kamukura.

And sometimes it's not just usually some new emotion just popped up at certain times, it's also the fact how constant it is of how the emotions he had experienced off kept *shifting*. He'd be bored then suddenly feeling intrigued in something then suddenly be slightly fluttery-ish? ('Amused' he noted) or suddenly feeling heavy in his chest ('sadness' he thought), heck, even the feeling of something clawing his insides when Makoto almost get a brick crushed his own head ('fear' he whispered to himself) then suddenly sometimes shifts back to being bored, then intrigued, then over and over in an out of order cycle. It either shift back to the same things or it develops something new.

It was never just one thing everyday just like how things are before meeting Makoto- like continuously be bored of everything and that's what makes things both overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time.

I also think that another thing that pulls Kamukura to Makoto is that just from Makoto, wanting to hang out and stick to him, to befriended him, with the payment only be *spending some time with Kamukura* and not to use him for his talents and abilities alone. Is one thing Kamukura unmanaged to just *understand* or fully grasp. In the end though he resolved by thinking that perhaps this is just a Makoto thing. That Makoto is being too good or cared too much of others in a way. But it does put Kamukura in a good "hm..." moment though.

I have a funny imagery that Kamukura just seem to be more often being put *slightly* off guard more by Makoto (wether intentionally or unintentionally which is usually the latter) than anyone else does. To which he be more on guard than he is before and to not jump to the most obvious conclusions or assumptions on some people because, of course, the Makoto situation and all. To which also means it made him statistically *more* dangerous than before (congrats Makoto! You made him more cautious or more thoughts in than usual of what was around him!).

His obsession in wanting to keep Makoto close to him by time will become apart of his own conciousness that *I* believe to be the case. Because after everything?? Everything that happened for the last few months?? Wether before or after being together (though I believe the moment they are together is the moment where the feeling became more hecticly stronger)?? It would only be obvious that he would, for once, *accidentally* (cause really, since when does being with Makoto Naegi means anything gone as planned?) Putting the obsession from wanting Naegi close because he is the first and often only source of interest for Kamukura's own bargained to wanting Makoto close because suddenly he was in too deep in the pit he had been *still* continuously dig himself in and finding that he doesn't *like* it when Makoto was out of reach.

(Going from trying to keep the guy around for selfish reasons by means to keep himself out of his usual bored state [cause let's face it, Kamukura isn't a good person, nor a bad one either, heck doesn't even attempted in search to at least *try* to quench his boredom just because he lacks any sort of motivation. But if the interesting thing were to suddenly presented dangling just in sight he WILL grab onto it tightly.], to obsessively trying to not get the guy lost out of his reach figuratively or metaphorically sense cause he *knows* that he will never *feels* something like this again, to feeling just *right* to have Makoto close to him and not letting go just because he doesn't *like* it)

I doubt Kamukura even realised the moment he had been *attached* to Makoto, simply because he had never experience emotions in the first place other than just knowing the basic theories to diagnose others in. And when he did, it's too late by then (it won't be him unable to escape Makoto. No, no, on the contrary, Makoto will be unable to escape *him*).

So anyways. Love isn't the priority to Kamukura since the very beggining in the start of their relationship, because the other foreign subjects that is emotions (twinging sadness, light amusement, flickering annoyance, poisonous jealousy, and dare he not admit the clawing fear) *are* the foundations that build his own *version* of what was the concept of 'Love' is.

Love is different to everyone afterall, so far what Kamukura has learned and see, if there was anything the same about all of it is that; love is a form of passion, and the connection of the bonds, it can be different from others, but Kamukura *doesn't* feel anything a lot WITH anyone else in general more than he is with Makoto. So essentially to him, it was different. It's not love that was viewed *generally* but it was his own version nonetheless.

This is just *my* insight of how I see Kamuegi *in* Kamukura's prespective. Cause he is my favorite character to write. You can do so many things to him in certain situations no matter how impossible it seem to try and not break his character. But that's the thing. You NEED to break certain characters, but as long as you didn't break the fundamental core of their characters then trust me, it's more of a scratch or a rather small crack on a ceramic vase than it looking all smashed up.

Sometimes you GOTTA make a scratch or heck, added something on it, without it losing it's shape or material as a ceramic vase, in order to make it slightly more jazzam get it? Or to make it work for the theme of the room you placed it in. (Not me using the vase metaphor for all of this)

[mageofseven]

Hey, I just read your post about MC's pregnancy with Satan (which is amazing, by the way) and it got me wondering... What if MC felt pain during the pregnancy and the only way to make it go away would be with the brothers talking to their children? Like, Satan was so soft and cute, it got me curious about how the others would be and say to their babies. Hope you have a nice day! 💫

Aww. Okay, this is a cute ask. Of course~ time to give the other brothers time to calm their babies with loving words while they're in their mommy 🥰

Oh! And for reference to those who either haven't read it or don't remember, this is what Nonnie is referring to with Satan.

Also, I only included Lucifer, Mammon, and Leviathan in this, but will do the last three brothers (Satan is excluded from this since this prompt is based off one of his posts) in another post. I decided to do this since Next Gen posts tend to take me a while to do, despite the fact that they are my favorite to answer, and since I haven't posted much lately and wanna give ya guys more content.

So please enjoy!

Part 2

~

Lucifer:

Finding out that his daughter inherited demonic strength while she was still in her mother was a quite a terrifying thing for him, not that he'd admit it to most since he feels like he always needs to seem collected and on top of things.

Luckily, Lucifer truly is the type to keep his emotions in check when he needs to act

So when MC hit 5 months and had her first episode of pain, it only took a moment for the oldest to spring into action in order to help his Love.

Watching the human's belly get bruised from each quick kick and jab was difficult for him, but as some one skilled in magic, more so than all of his brothers combined, he knew a spell to use.

Hand hovering over her belly, a pale blue light extended from his finger tips and was absorbed into her skin.

The spell calmed his distressed child and stopped his Love's pain, but he didn't find out the reason for the episode till later that evening.

Discovering that MC's body wasn't absorbing the dark energy needed for their daughter's soul fast enough, causing the baby to become upset and lash out in fear...well, it wasn't an easy truth to handle.

Still, he didn't hesitate to push past his worry and look into a solution.

After consulting various experts he had connections with and looking through books, he discovered that most potions and spells that could help weren't human-safe in the long term, not even the calming spell he had been using so far.

When he discovered a non magical method, one that literally just required his time and his voice, he was genuinely surprised. Was it truly as easy as talking to his daughter?

When MC had her next episode, the two were preparing for bed. The human had finished slipping into her pjs just for the pain to hit her and cause her to lower to the ground as she hugged her stomach.

Lucifer quickly stopped changing and let his shirt fall to the floor, helping his Love over to the bed.

He felt somewhat awkward, even a little embarrassed to speak to his unborn child, but barely paused at all.

Leaning in close to MC's belly, he spoke softly to his daughter. Without really knowing what to say, he essentially started lecturing the baby on her behavior, though he really didn't realize it. He just knew he needed to speak and spoke what was currently on his mind. Lucifer was worried about MC, worried about his daughter, so though it was a lecture, it was a lecture filled with love and concern.

It's not as if their daughter has developed anywhere near enough to know what her daddy was saying though; all their baby recognized was her daddy's soft, loving tone and that was enough calm her and make her feel safe.

Overall, it was successful, taking not quite six minutes to make the pain completely cease.

Still kneeling in front of her, the demon took his girlfriend's hand and kissed it before giving it a gently squeezed and looking up at the sniffling human.

"Are you alright, Love?"

From then on, the demon never strayed far from his Love in case such an episode would spring up again.

Whenever possible though, Lucifer would always carry her off somewhere they could be alone when an episode started; he didn't want to have to try to calm his child while his brothers were freaking out around him and in truth, he found the situation a bit embarrassing. To be more specific, he was uncomfortable letting his brothers hear him speak so tenderly against MC's belly. Occasionally it was unavoidable though and the oldest had to deal with some of his brothers teasing him about it afterwards, especially Mammon.

Overall, such a method is a private, but meaningful thing to him. Even as the episodes lose their frequency, he still finds himself talking to his daughter. Essentially starts the lecturing while Ksenia is too young to realize she is being lectured, but it comes from a very loving place and that's what his daughter responds to.

Mammon:

Oh man, did this dude freak out when the first episode happened.

He tried very hard to keep calm, but it was obvious to anyone who saw him that he was panicking.

He managed to help MC over to the couch and had enough of his brain functioning to realize that he should go get Lucifer from help.

Honestly terrified and thought something was wrong. Well, scratch that. Something was very wrong, but more specifically, both he and MC were scared that she was losing their baby because the pain was so bad.

Luckily, after Mammon bursted into Lucifer's study and had the oldest come out to help, they find out that's not the issue at all. The Avatar of Pride didn't know exactly what the problem was yet, but it wasn't that. He used a calming spell on the human's belly that lightly sedated the child and ended the pain, though they all knew that it was just a temporary solution.

The two older brothers manage to rope Satan into things, having the blonde look through all of his books and do whatever magical tests he needs to in order for them to understand just what's happening with MC and the baby.

Mammon hovered around MC constantly at this point and kept bugging Satan for answers. The second brother didn't mean to seem impatient or ungrateful or anything like that; he was simply worried, even if he tried to pretend otherwise. It didn't stop the blonde from getting frustrated though.

When he found out about the slow energy absorption and how it was essentially scarying his baby girl into hurting her mama, Mammon felt guilty as hell. I mean, of course this would happen; MC is human. Of course her body can't absorb it fast enough. And yet...he still had to be a dumbass and knock her up. Now both his Human and his little girl were suffering 'cause of him.

While Satan searched for methods to stop the episodes and potentially help speed up the absorption process, Mammon kept buying stuff.

Yep. Boy had a guilted heart that pushed him to buy MC stuff. Technically, most of it was for their daughter, but seeing MC's face light up at the cute outfits and toys he got for their kid was exactly what the Avatar of Greed needed.

Mammon...he needed to feel like her was doing something right. For years. His brothers have treated him like he was nothing but a screw up and this situation...it really made all of their words ring in his head, made him feel like they just might be true.

Finding out that all he had to do to stop the pain was talk to his daughter? Easy peasy! Honestly, the dude was just glad there was something he could do.

Yes, his face was red the first time he had to do it. Plus, it was kinda hard to focus on his words since MC was crying in pain and he just wanted to focus on comforting her, but he couldn't.

Tells his baby girl to listen up because her Great Papa Mammon is here and she doesn't have to be scared anymore. One of the more blunt brothers with his kid and just out and tells Cassia that she'll get the dark energy she needs, no worries!

"So no worryin' and go easier on ya Ma, got that Babygirl?"

It was a slow start, but the episode ended in only 12 minutes, much better than the hour the pain would normally last.

Feels much less guilty here on out and when he does, the tsundere will snuggle up to MC and get all blushy, asking if he can have some belly time to talk to their baby.

Definitely the type of the dad to ask his girlfriend to let him have a 'private' talk with their unborn baby just to level with her belly and tell their daughter what a beautiful, sweet, and strong woman her mama is, ultimately smirking the entire time.

Leviathan:

Oh boy, did this man panic. Not sure whether he could have calmed down enough to help or at least get help for MC's first episode because he didn't really get the chance-- Asmo was passing by in the hall when he heard the couple screaming (MC in pain, Levi in panic) and ran to get help for them after poking his head in and seeing the scene.

First one the fifth brother ran into? Satan. The blonde kinda froze at the situation he was dragged into at first, but he remained calm for the most part and tried spell after spell, searching for a remedy to whatever was happening to the human and her child.

The blonde was just as surprised and relieved when the calming spell worked and the human's pain died down.

At some point during the episode, MC had clung and pressed herself against her boyfriend, crying into his chest and in turn, Levi held her tightly, as if he'd lose her if he let go. Even after her pain stopped, the two never let go of each other.

From there, Satan left to get some books from his room to do some tests to see if he could figure out what had transpired.

Levi couldn't even bring himself to look at MC's belly, which was covered in black and blue. He actively avoided lowering his gaze as he anxiously kept asking his Henry if could do something for her, which the human only shook her head. All MC wanted was answers and for Levi to not let go of her yet.

Hearing from Satan later about the issue with MC's absorption rate and his son's fear, the man immediately fell into himself, calling himself selfish and horrible and utterly worthless. Like Mammon, he blamed himself for this, but unlike the second brother, he didn't try to pretend he was okay.

It took a lot of comfort from MC as well as his brothers constantly telling him that he can't be falling apart now, for the man to break out of it a bit. They were right; Levi knew this. He wanted to be there for MC and help her with whatever she needs him to so instead of just knocking himself down, he needs to do the very things she needs him to do.

What did he need to do specifically though? He wasn't really sure till Satan came to him the talking strategy he discovered.

Talking to MC's belly? Talking to their son during an episode? The otaku found it embarrassing... I mean not a bad embarrassing, but still.

When the next episode occurred, the man almost forgot the method, if he's honest. Just like the first time, he panicked and just held his Henry close for a bit before he realized what he should be doing.

Accidentally shoved her away in his panic and quickly apologized before kneeling down in front of her belly.

Goes from apologizing to MC to beginning his little talk with his son with an apology for him. Tells Kai that he's sorry that he's so scared, sorry that things ended up like this, but that even Levi sees now that things will be okay. Gives a lot of reassurance to his son that he'll be okay.

Levi... it's no secret that he has a lot of anxiety problems; he's such a big worrier. This whole situation kinda puts a thought at the back of him; what if his son is like him in that regard? Will Kai become just as scared of people's judgements and whatever troubles could come in the future, just like him? The Avatar of Envy didn't want that for his son.

Promises to his son that he'll never have to be afraid of the things that Levi himself is. He leans in closer to the human's belly and tells his son that he'll do anything and everything to make sure that his son will live a safe, but unrestrained life; a life better than the one Levi has been living himself by hiding away from the world in his room.

It was at that promise where his son finally calmed down and the episode ended. He watched MC wipe the tears from her face for a minute before rising up and pulling his Henry in for a hug.

"I'm sorry." The demon murmured. "I'm sorry this kind of thing is gonna keep happening, but I'll always stop it for you. I'll keep fixing it and it'll be okay."

Overall, the episode only lasted about eight minutes, though two of those minutes was Levi panicking and forgetting he had to talk to his son.

Blushes each and every time he has to talk to his son during an episode without fail.

Not the type to do it outside of the episodes. Instead, he gotten a bit more cuddly around MC's belly. Often asks if the two of them can go lay down together so he can lay close to her belly and hug it. Especially feels the need to do that on his more anxious days.

[dirty-urie]

Date Night

Third Person

Brendon x Sara (OC kinda)

College AU

PWP Oneshot

NC-17

5.4k Words

Disclaimer: This is a fictional story using the names and/or likeness of at least one real person. This is intended for entertainment purposes ONLY. Please do not share or bring up my work with anyone other than fellow fans. Any similarity to real-life events involving these characters that have not been shared with the general public is only coincidence. Just because I’ve included something in my fics does NOT mean I condone, support, or encourage that behavior, language, or action in real life. Please practice safe and consensual sex practices, and just be a good person.

Warnings in Order of Appearance: Real Person Fic, Crude and Vulgar Language Throughout, Mentions of Alcohol, Brief Joke About Forgoing Contraception, Talk and Consumption of Pornography, Unprotected Oral Sex, Female Receiving Oral, Intercourse, Male Receiving Oral, Female Masturbation, Use of a Non-Sex Toy as a Sex Toy, Minor Social Anxiety

Author's Notes:

1. I spelled Sarah's name wrong on purpose because I felt bad writing porn about her. Brendon's technically permitted to write about him, so I'll do that without guilt (okay, with some guilt, but I feel guilty about everything. I have anxiety), but I respect Sarah too much to do that to her. That being said, I didn't want to use a random name, so I decided on a middle ground. Here's Sara, who is both not a real person and also not not married to Brendon Urie in real life. Schrodinger's OC. Okay, thank you for putting up with me.

2. I don’t know if I’m going to write any more third-person fics. I know they’re not really that popular, but for some reason, this spoke to me in third, so I embraced that. Anyway, give it a chance, and if you don’t like it, give whatever I publish next a chance.

3. This used to be split into two parts because I uploaded it on mobile, but I have since condensed the two parts, and now the whole thing is on this post.

Brendon fumbles with his keys as he unlocks the door to his apartment. Sara won't be there for another little while, but he's anxious to get inside anyway. His roommate is away visiting his family for the first time in nearly two months, and he hasn’t gotten any real alone time with his girlfriend since then. It’s hard, and Brendon knows Sara’s been struggling too because she spent their whole coffee shop study-date the day before whispering to him about how she's been practically crawling out of her skin. Brendon shivers at the memory of her hot breath against his ear as he slams his front door shut and hurries to his bedroom.

He's thinking about all the nasty ways he wants to get back at her for getting him so worked up in public when, speak of the devil, his phone buzzes, and Sara's name pops up in the caller ID. Actually, "Brunette from Creative Writing" pops up, but he swears he'll change it one day. Sara jokes that they'll be married with a whole flock of adult children, and she'll be calling him from the bingo hall as "Brunette from Creative Writing." God, he fucking loves her.

"Hey, babe, I just got home," he says after he hits the answer button.

"Okay, I just got out of my lecture, but I'm stopping by my dorm to grab my duffel bag, then I'm going to the drugstore to get condoms that aren't the shitty university clinic ones, so I won't be there for almost another hour," she tells him.

"Noooo, just come straight here. You can just wear my clothes all weekend. And condoms are so unnecessary; I'll just pull out," Brendon whines.

Sara laughs into the phone, knowing he doesn't mean any of that. "Oh sure, in that case, I'll come right over. Did you want to pay me $400,000 to raise a child in cash or check?"

"Uh, check, but you're gonna have to wait a bit to cash it," he replies.

He can practically see her rolling her eyes, even through the phone, "I'll be there in an hour, but I'll bring you something fun from the drugstore," she says.

"Fun like sex fun or fun like gum from the checkout stand fun?"

"You'll just have to wait and see, love you, bye!" she tells him through the phone before hanging up.

"Love you too, babe," he says sarcastically to no one. He walks into his bedroom and makes sure it's spotless. He doesn't want anything whatsoever to get in the way of fun, sexy times once Sara gets here.

His apartment is clean; he has wine and groceries in the fridge, enough money saved up to rent a movie and order dinner later, and no homework, so once Sara shows up with the condoms, he’ll be good to spend the entire weekend at home with her. With nothing else to do, he climbs onto his bed and grabs his laptop. No harm in a little pre-gaming, he figures, pulling up his favorite porn website while he waits.

He clicks on the first video without too much thought. It’s a girl, one Brendon recognizes, wearing a tiny thong and nothing else, and playing with a small bullet vibe while her boyfriend watches. She’s wet, probably just with lube and not actual bodily fluid, he realizes, but at least they bothered to make her look physically aroused at all.

He gets invested in the video, in the new toys that the boyfriend hands her, in the way both of their arousal grows as time goes on. He gets so engrossed that he’s beyond startled when Sara interrupts with, “Starting without me?” eyeing the erection already straining through his jeans.

Brendon laughs with glee now that she’s finally here, “No, no, no, just passing the time while I wait for you. No touching yet, see," he says, holding up his hands and waving them around before pausing his video.

"Well, don't stop on my account," Sara scoffs. "I don't mind you starting without me as long as I'm there when you finish," she murmurs.

They both moan, Brendon in response to her words, Sara in response seeing Brendon's cock twitch in his pants, “Ah fuck, babe, that’ll be sooner than I’d like if you keep talking like that.”

Sara climbs in next to him and snuggles against him so that she can see his computer screen, “Ooo, she’s hot,” she says, pointing to the girl now getting eaten out by the guy who, coincidentally enough, doesn’t look dissimilar to B.

“Yeah, I like a lot of her work,” Brendon says back, disinterested in the video playing on the laptop now that Sara’s actually there in the flesh “hey, you should take your pants off,” he suggests, totally smooth and subtly.

“You’re such a guy, B. No ‘how was your day? Are you hungry? Can I get you something to drink?” she teases.

Under normal circumstances, Brendon would object to such slander on his impeccable moral character. But, well, there’s not a lot of blood in his brain right now, and he knows that she would just respond with more teasing, further delaying the Fun Sexy Times, so he rolls to his side and kisses behind her ear, pressing his cock against her leg in an attempt to tease her into pliability. It works; she melts, whimpering a little bit as heat pools deep in her stomach when she feels just how turned on Brendon is. “You feel so nice, B. Bet you’d feel nicer without this layer of denim between us. Can you help me?”

Brendon unbuttons her pants and moves down to slide them off her body, moving his mouth along the newly revealed skin as he works them off. He’s paying so much attention to the warm flush of her thighs that he almost misses her panties: dark red lace, even darker where she’s soaked through them, and so delicate that they’re nearly see-through.

“Oh fuck, babe, that’s gorgeous. Are you wearing a matching bra?” he asks.

She answers by sitting up and pulling off her t-shirt, revealing the same thin lace. Her nipples are hard, practically poking through the delicate material.

Brendon settles back on his heels to fully take his girlfriend in, now stripped down to just her matching bra and panties set.

Sarah grins down at him, “Why do I get the sense that I can expect this set in every color for my birthday? Although, I know for a fact that I can get the same reaction from you wearing full-coverage high-waisted granny panties,” she thinks aloud after seeing Brendon’s wide-eyed awe.

Brendon isn’t paying attention, though. His mindset shifted from the fun and playful sex they usually have to lust-fueled passion as soon as Sara took her shirt off. Don’t get him wrong, they have great sex, but they normally have to do it fast and quietly and spontaneously, so they’ve gotten good at not taking themselves too seriously, at laughing at Brendon’s old superhero boxers, and then getting to business. Now that he has the chance to really take his time to appreciate, no, worship her as she deserves, he wants to do it right.

He moves off his heels and crawls over her body, supporting himself with one muscled arm as he moves in to kiss her. She picks up on the change in mood immediately, grasping the back of his head to deepen the kiss. He’s throbbing against her thigh now, even through his jeans, and she’s worried that she might come just from feeling him.

She, too, loves their normal sex, but even though it’s fun, it can’t always be as intimate as either of them would like. And it’s a shame too because as good at Brendon is at fucking, banging, screwing, whatever, he’s damn good at making love. At making sure she’s safe and supported and in absolute bliss, even when they’re hooking up in someone’s bedroom at a party, but especially like this when they’ve got hours and total privacy.

When her moans increase in pitch and frequency, Brendon crawls back down on the bed and settles between her thighs. “Darling, these panties are a gift to humanity, but I’m afraid they’re going to get in the way of some things I have planned. You don’t mind if I take them off, do you?” he says, voice deep and gravelly. He mouths against the soaked fabric while he waits for her response.

After taking a moment to collect herself and catch her breath, “God, Brendon, please, I need your mouth, fingers, cock, something,” she whines.

Now that he has her permission, he moves his mouth from her core to the waistband against her hip and bites it, just letting his teeth scrape her skin as he pulls down. Whether intentionally or not, Sara arches her back up, making it easy to slide them all the way down her legs. He kisses her way back up her legs, but instead of stopping between her thighs, he keeps going up. He licks up across the flat planes of her stomach all the way until he reaches her bra. Just like with her panties, he mouths over the fabric first, inching up slowly before sucking on one of her nipples through the lace.

As much as he loves how her breathing gets faster and heavier just from that, he can’t resist the actual mouth-on-skin that the low cut of the bra allows. He sucks a pink mark on each breast and then moves to lick and suckle gently on her neck. They’ve both agreed that they’re not middle schoolers and visible hickeys are beyond tacky, but they both go so wild from neck stimulation that it can be hard to resist spending a few minutes sucking a licking at the rapidly-beating pulse points.

As much as Brendon wants to keep teasing, Sara’s squirming like crazy, and he’s worried that if he kept going in the same way, she’d come before he got to touch her for real. He finally settles between her thighs for real this time, kissing and sucking gently on her vulva for just a second or two. Sara is quivering by the time he moves down to suck on her clit. As soon as he finally makes contact with the sensitive hood, she screams out in ecstasy, taking full advantage of Brendon’s roommate’s absence. He sucks around her clit just like her nipple, a few short staccato bursts followed by long, drawn-out pulls. He moves his tongue gently the whole time to stimulate her further.

Both of her hands are tangled in his hair, tugging hard when he moves from sucking on her clit to licking across her entrance. He licks across the opening in broad strokes before his tongue enters her, rubbing her clit with his thumb the whole time. He waits until her thighs are clenched tight around his head, and she’s bucking up against his mouth before he slips two fingers inside to rub over her g-spot.

“B, stop, I’m gonna fucking come!” She shrieks.

He lifts his head without slowing his fingers, “You don’t wanna come?”

“Want you to be inside me when I do. Inside me for real, not just fingers,” Sara pants, trying hard to distract herself from her building arousal.

As much as Brendon’s disappointed that Sara won’t come on his face, after all, he’s been hard for over an hour now, and he would love to get out of his restrictive jeans and get a little more stimulation than rubbing himself against the bed.

He crawls out of bed and peels his shirt off. Now it’s Sarah’s turn to marvel at her lover. His cheeks and chest are flushed a deep pink from the exertion and arousal, his face is shiny with spit and her juices, and his cock is tenting the material of his pants.

Sara strokes over herself lazily, it’s not nearly as good as Brendon, but it’s something to take the edge off while she watches Brendon unbuckle his belt to strip his pants off. He’s moving slowly on purpose. He always did love to put on a show.

Once he’s down to his black boxer-briefs, he asks Sara where she put the condoms when she came in.

“B, I love that you’re so distracted by me, but the bag is right next to you on the nightstand,” she answers.

“Hey, I’m not wearing my glasses. That’s not fair,” Brendon replies softly. He turns and opens the plastic bag with the drugstore logo on the front. Sara laughs when his eyes visibly widen. “Should I be scared?” He asks, holding up a large vibrating dildo.

Sara laughs. “No, love, I just wanted to get some toys I could leave at your place,” she answers as he pulls out a bullet vibe, two different types of lube, a cock ring, massage oils, whipped cream, a multi-pack of condoms, and yes, gum from the checkout stand.

“...I may have gotten a little carried away in the sexual wellness aisle,” she admits.

Brendon’s eyes are still the size of saucers, “God, no kidding, babe, this is all incredible,” he says, stripping off his boxers and opening the box of condoms to tear a packet open with his teeth. It’s a bad habit, and usually, Sara would scold him, but she’s so worked up that she spreads her legs in anticipation anyway. Her mouth goes dry while he strokes himself with lube before he rolls the condom on.

He finally, finally, finally settles over her. “Is this position okay?” he asks.

“It’s perfect, baby; I love getting to see your face when you push into me,” she answers, whining as he drags his cock across her opening.

That’s good enough for Brendon. He rocks forward into her slowly, partly because he’s a tease but partly because he wants this to last as long as possible. After pushing in deep to rub back and forth across her g-spot, he starts thrusting in earnest, relishing her moans and pants.

“Oh B, you feel so good,” she cries out.

“You feel even better, love. Squeezing so nicely around me. So tight and wet,” he says.

Sara scratches down his back in sheer bliss. Brendon’s rhythm is steady, but he’s moving just slowly enough that they can both relish every thrust without feeling overly needy or impatient. She pushes her thighs together to feel him even better inside her.

His thrusts falter for a second, and he chokes out a gasp. “Love you, love feeling you,” he groans, “but it’s been nearly a month since we last had sex, babygirl. If you keep that up, I am going to come.”

She relaxes her thighs just a little bit. “God, I love how sensitive you are right now, babe, responding to my every touch so much. I love you collected and composed too, but it’s such a treat having you so weak for me,” she marvels, stroking the back of his neck.

A shiver goes down his whole spine, and he devotes all of his energy to not coming. “I haven’t touched myself since we last had sex,” he admits, “I figured if my sweet girl couldn’t get off, I couldn’t either. It’s been such a challenge, but fuck, it was worth it. I’m so on edge for you.”

She tightens around him, moving her hand to touch her clit. “Shit, Brendon, that’s so fucking hot. I’m just thinking about you late at night, hard and aching thinking about me, but controlling yourself so it could be all the better when we finally reunited. Did you ever cheat? Did you ever jack yourself but force yourself to pull away right before you came to roll over and go to sleep? God, I bet you had so many dirty dreams. Bet you woke up humping a pillow because your body needed to get off so bad. Bet you’d struggle to hide your hard-on in public when your mind wandered even just a little. Such a dirty needy boy, but so so good for me, aren’t you?” she pants out, squeezing tighter as she talks.

He laughs, “You know me so well, sweetheart, all of the above is true. My roommate was thrilled to have all the hot water for himself this month because… I took a lot of cold showers. I’ll leave it at that. Now, if you don’t mind, I believe you’ve taken my job,” he says, replacing her hand on her clit with his own.

Sara falls back and goes rigid, crying out. He circles his thumb faster as the pace of his thrusts picks up. “I’m gonna come!” She shouts.

“Do it, come on me,” Brendon whispers.

Sara contracts around him, shrieking and convulsing as she comes on him before melting back onto the bed.

Brendon leans down to nip at her shoulder and then kiss her lips. “Good, baby?”

She nods, eyes closed and still panting hard.

“I’ll give you a second,” he murmurs, mostly to himself before pulling out and collapsing down next to her. He strokes over himself while he waits for her to come back down to earth, still rock hard.

“Shit, B, you still haven’t come,” she finally realizes, “do you want me to blow you?”

His cock twitches at the thought.

“Or I could ride you? Let you watch my tits bounce as I fuck you?” She suggests.

“That one wanna be back in that perfect cunt.”

Sara moves to straddle him, rubbing her clit against his tummy and kissing him before moving back to settle on him for real. She lets him thrust up into her a couple of times before moving herself, relishing the way his muscles tense under his flushed skin.

Brendon loves being ridden. He wouldn’t say it’s his favorite position, but it’s up there. It’s even better when Sara takes her bra off, as pretty as it is, and he gets to see her entire naked body. She gets herself at the perfect angle and rides him as hard as she can.

“I’m really not going to last long,” he warns.

Sara tangles her hands back in his hair just like he loves. She’s pulling out all the stops to get him to come. “God, B, me neither, I didn’t think I had it in me, but I’m right back on the edge. Just rub my clit, and I’ll come.”

He moves his hands from her ass to touch her clit.

She shudders, “B, I’m gonna come!”

“Me too,” he grunts out, “do you want me to pull out?”

“No, wanna feel your hot come inside me, even with the condom,” she answers before coming again. Even harder this time as waves of pleasure roll through her entire body.

The rapid contractions around his cock trigger his own orgasm, and his entire head goes blank as he gets lost in the sensation. Sara collapses and situates herself in his arms just as they’re both starting to come down.

He moves, but she stops him. “Honey, I’ve gotta,” he starts, but she whines and shakes her head, knowing exactly where he’s going, “I’ve gotta pull out so we can clean up and eat dinner. Round two after Italian?”

She finally nods but wraps her legs tighter against him anyway, “just two more minutes. Then we can go be romantic.”

***

“Sara, sweetheart, food’s almost here,” he whispers thirty minutes later. He’s wearing pajama pants with no shirt, and his torso’s still wet from the shower he took to rinse off. “Do you wanna go get yourself cleaned up while I set up the coffee table to eat?” He asks.

Sara shakes her head, “I get clingy and needy after sex-”

Brendon cracks a grin because he knows this, of course.

“So you’re stuck with me for the next couple of hours,” she finishes.

“Mm, that’s fine with me, babe. I just want you to be comfortable,” he responds, kissing her forehead.

She moves up into the kiss and realizes that a shower might be nice after all, “Actually, I am a little sticky. Come into the bathroom with me?”

“Anything you want, love,” he says, scooping her up and carrying her to the shower.

He turns the water on for her and then goes to sit on the counter while she rubs off the sweat under the spray. “B?” She calls.

“Yeah?”

“I know it’s nothing fancy, but when you rubbed my clit in little circles, I nearly died on the spot. Normally when I’m alone, I just stroke back and forth, but god, it felt so good to feel something new,” she says. Brendon doesn’t respond immediately. “B?” She calls back timidly, shy now. “B?”

She’s getting worried that he left without her hearing, so she pulls back the shower curtain and has to choke back a moan. Brendon’s still sitting on the counter, his head tipped back on the mirror, palming over himself through his PJ pants.

“God, Sara, sorry, I just love hearing how I make you feel, and I couldn’t help it,” he tells her.

Sara shuts the water off and walks across the bathroom to Brendon, paying no mind to how she’s dripping all over the tile. She yanks him up to his feet and drops to her knees on the padded bathmat in front of the sink. She pulls his pants down just enough- no underwear, she observes without surprise- and takes him in her mouth, getting him slick enough that she can stroke him to total hardness with her hand. Once he’s fully hard, she takes him back in her mouth and sucks hard, making his knees tremble. She bobs her head up and down, stroking him with her hand when she doesn’t have his whole length in her mouth.

He’s bracing himself against the counter to stay upright and not buck into her mouth. She moves down to just stimulate the tip while quickly stroking over the rest of him.

“Can you come for me? Food is going to be here any minute,” she says, looking up at him with big eyes.

“You playing with yourself down there, baby? Getting all wet from sucking me off?” He asks, the dirty talk getting him closer to the edge.

“Oh, you know it, gets me so hot, making you feel good. I wish I had one of my new toys, though,” she pouts before licking his dick again.

Brendon gropes behind himself blindly, trying to find… well. It’s not a vibrator, but it does, well, vibrate, he thinks, hitting the button on his electric toothbrush. He hands it to Sara, who puts it between her legs without hesitation, pressing it against her clit.

She goes weak, moaning a buzzy hum over his cock while she sucks. She knows he’s close by the way his balls are drawing into his body, so she goes ahead and lets herself go. Tightening the pressure around his cock.

“Shit, babe, I’m gonna come,” he warns, hips bucking. “Can I come in your mouth or…?”

She holds up a thumbs up, and he comes, most of it staying in her mouth, but some ends up dripping down her chin. She swallows, and Brendon hands her a wad of toilet paper to wipe off the rest with.

He tucks himself back into his pants and then helps her back to her feet.

“Can I have my toothbrush back, love?” He requests softly.

Sara blushes and takes the still-vibrating toothbrush out from between her legs, “Sorry, I forgot I still had that.”

“No worries,” he responds with a soft chuckle, kissing her forehead. He takes the toothbrush and turns it off before rinsing it off under the sink. “Gosh, you did a number on this thing. It’s soaked,” he marvels, “My perfect messy girl.”

Just then, there’s a knock at the door. “Perfect timing, must be the food. I’ll deal with that while you get dressed?” He suggests, and she nods, still a little dazed from the orgasm. Well, orgasms, plural.

She goes back to his room, where she stashed her bag and rummages through it for her pink silk slip nightgown. It’s super simple, just spaghetti straps with a straight-across neckline and then deep pink fabric straight down to just below her ass, but Brendon loves it. She suspects it’s just because she can’t move very much without flashing her butt, but he insists that the slip itself is gorgeous.

As she’s getting dressed, she hears the door open and Brendon apologizing for his relative state of undress, saying he just got out of the shower. Brendon’s naked more often than he’s clothed, so Sara just shrugs it off until she hears a giggle and flirting coming from the delivery girl.

Brendon stammers out that he has a girlfriend, but he’s flattered, but that doesn’t seem to be deterring the delivery girl, who makes an extra point to linger her hand on Brendon’s as she hands him the food. Sara strides out of his bedroom, “Hey, B, have you seen my panties? I can’t find them in your bed or your bathroom or the kitchen or the sofa, so I wonder if I left them in your pocket during our multiple rounds of lovemaking,” She calls before pretending to spot him and the girl for the first time by the door. She scootches in next to him and kisses him on the cheek, plastering a sickly-sweet smile on her face. “My apologies, didn’t know you had a guest,” she lies, shooting death beams at the delivery girl whose hand is on Brendon’s bicep. The girl retracts her hand, and Sara grabs a twenty-dollar bill from her wallet on the doorside table to tip her. Sara knows Brendon would’ve already tipped her on the website, but this more of a ‘please don’t touch my boyfriend without his consent tip’ than a ‘thank you for your work tip.’ “Have a nice day, ma’am,” Sara tells her, shutting the door.

Brendon smirks, but there’s a weariness behind it, “Way to save the day, baby. Getting possessive?”

“No, I love it when others check you out. Just validates how hot I am for you. You just sounded like you do when you get overwhelmed at the grocery store, and I figured you were feeling a little claustrophobic,” she explains.

Brendon nods. “I don’t mind a flirt, but she was getting way too handsy. And even then, it wouldn’t have been the end of the world; I just felt a little vulnerable being shirtless and all. She probably just wanted a big tip. I bet that works for her a lot. And y’know, I probably shouldn’t have been shirtless at all. If I was in a restaurant, they’d have every right to kick me out, so really, I’m lucky she didn’t blacklist my address,” he rambles, turning to get plates and silverware from the kitchen.

Sara touches his shoulder and grabs the bags of food from him. “Hey, B, you don’t need to justify your feelings, okay? I get it; she was in your space. Both your personal space by touching you and your physical area by being near your home. But it’s sweet of you to give her the benefit of the doubt. You’re probably right, I would guess that works with nine out of ten guys; she was cute. And hey, I gave her a nice tip to get her to go away, so it worked on us too.”

“And you got to brag to a stranger about our hot sex life, so it really did all work out in the end,” Brendon half-jokes, and she’s happy to observe that any panic seems to have left his body.

“Mhm, my favorite hobby. Maybe we should order dessert, and I can change into something even more slutty. This shows my ass so nicely, but my chest is totally covered,” she suggests, and he cracks a real smile for her. “Seriously though, you’re totally good?”

“Yes, ma’am, everything’s perfect,” he responds, and he’s telling the truth.

“Good, let me set up dinner then. You go relax on the sofa,” she orders.

Brendon goes to sit on the couch, knowing better than to deny a direct request. Sara plates the food and brings it to the now dim living room, where Brendon’s lit three candles in the center of the table.

“Awww, how romantic,” she praises, settling against Brendon with their food.

“I had more romance planned, I promise, I just weighed my options, and I cared more about snuggling with my girl than trying to overdo it on decorating the living room,” Brendon responds. “I do still have wine in the fridge if you want that?”

She twists around to kiss him. “The romance level is perfect. Consider me totally romanced. I think I’ll wait on the wine until later if that’s okay? It’ll make me sleepy, and I’m still interested in a round two,” she says, resting her hand against Brendon’s thigh.

“Whatever you want is fine with me, love,” he says, sighing contentedly.

***

“You’re falling asleep, babygirl.”

“Am not.”

“Your eyes are closed.”

“Your eyes are closed.”

Brendon smiles, “Do you wanna keep watching the movie, or do you wanna go to bed? If you’re sleepy, that’s fine, but we’ve gotta move to the bedroom then,” he murmurs.

Sara moves off the couch and stretches, turning on the light. “I’m not even tired; I took a nap earlier. It’s just the dim lighting and carb surplus. C’mon, let’s keep watching, it’s only 10 and we’re not even to the, ‘paint me like one of your French girls’ scene.”

“Okay, if you insist, then we’ll soldier on. I’ll get dessert,” he agrees, getting up to head to the kitchen.

“Ooo what’s for dessert?” she asks.

“Cannoli and coffee,” he responds.

Sara moans playfully. “God, Brendon, I’m so turned on right now.”

Brendon rolls his eyes. “I’ll try not to take offense that you’re more attracted to sweets than me.”

Sara wraps her arms around his waist from behind him. “I’d choose you over cannoli any day. Someone could offer me a thousand cannoli and I’d scoff in their face and then go kiss all over you. I love you, babe. Thank you for a great date night,” she says before spinning him around to kiss him.

“I love you too,” Brendon whispers against her lips. “Tonight was wonderful, and I owe it all to you.”

[deanwinchesterjournal]

Keep Your Socks On

Image by https://twitter.com/ameegtwt 

Johnny Storm looked around in distaste, “Um, did Venom attack you in here or what?”

Peter stopped digging through the pile of dirty clothes and looked back at him, “Oh screw you.”

“Dude I'm serious, this place is...well this place is.”

Peter went back to searching for a shirt that didn't have food stains on it, “Well not all of us can live in The Jetsons and have robot maids.”

Johnny laughed, “Well sure, but they have invented washing machines.”

Peter picked up a shirt and smelled it, “I've been busy.”

“I just got back from Shiar space, stopped a civil war from breaking out, stopping a bunch of aliens from killing a bunch of other aliens. My clothes are clean.”

Peter sighed and pulled his t-shirt off, “Good for you.”

“I mean how hard is it to...”

Peter spun on Johnny, “I have rent. I have bills. Web fluid doesn't pay for itself and I haven't had a lot of spare change around. That ok with you?”

Johnny held his hands up and took a step back, “Ok fine, my bad.”

Peter shook his head and pulled another shirt on, “It's just not been a good month.”

“So then do them at my place.”

Peter paused, “Your place?”

“Yeah.”

“The Baxter Building?”

“Yeah,” he said and then paused. “Well it's technically my place. A quarter of my place. Well I don't know if my name is on the lease but I live there.”

“You want me to do my laundry at the Baxter Building?”

Johnny shrugged, “Why not? It has a big ol electrostatic cleaning thing that removes dirt like on a cellular level and Reed set this gadget up where the clothes come out of the dryer feeling like a cloud!”

Peter just stared at him.

“What?” Johnny exclaimed, “Look, man, come over on Sunday, bring your clothes, we can split a six-pack and hang out while you do your clothes.”

“I'm supposed to what, swing over with my hamper?”

“Oh yeah, well no. I'll come by and pick you up in a Fantasticar.”

“And how do I explain Johnny Storm showing up at Peter Parker's place?”

“I don't know, how do you explain it now?”

“You're not hovering outside my place in uniform, in civilian clothes no one knows who you are.”

Johnny scoffed, “Bitch, everyone knows who I am.”

Peter rolled his eyes.

“Ok, how about this. You come by Sunday, leave your clothes. I'll have a Herbie cloak over and grab your stuff?”

“You want to send a droid over to pick up my dirty laundry? Isn't that overkill?”

“Do you know how many of those things are floating around the house with nothing to do? Trust me, picking up your crap is like a vacation to them.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“PETE! Come on man, let me help you.”

Peter looked down at the pile and sighed, “Fine, but it just seems like a lot of trouble.”

Johnny flashed one of his million-dollar smiles, “I know you do, that's why I'm offering.”

The statement confused Pete, but he ignored it.

Sunday

“And this is my place!” Johnny said opening the door.

Peter marveled at the huge space. There were five, ceiling length windows overlooking New York, an impossibly large TV, a couple of leather chairs, and a bed big enough for the Giants to practice on in case their stadium flooded.

“You live here?” Peter asked, gobsmacked.

“Well this is my room, I have a place downtown but this is where my stuff is.”

Peter walked around, looking at the old pictures of him and his sister, before they were transformed, half a dozen baseball trophies from high school and several pictures of Johnny and his dad in racing uniforms.

Peter picked up one of them, “Your dad raced?”

“He was a mechanic, taught me everything I learned,” he answered proudly.

“Cool,” Peter remarked, putting it back down, “Should we check on the clothes?”

Johnny laughed, “Dude, the Herbies are programmed to defend against Doctor Doom, they can handle your underwear.”

“Whatever,” Peter said, walking around, looking at the other kick knacks.

“You up for some Overwatch?”

Peter looked over at the TV, “On that?”

“Kinda,” Johnny smiled, “Reed made me a couple sets of these,” he held up a set of high tech glasses, “We play it in our minds.”

Peter walked over as if in a trance, “Really?”

Johnny gestured to one of the chairs, “Sit and let me school you.”

The two men slipped the glasses on and spent the better part of an hour killing each other in virtual space. Peter took the glasses off and sat there, “Man, that is intense.”

“Right?” Johnny said taking his off, “I mean it's like you're really there.”

Pete nodded and then let out a huge yawn, “Sorry, rough night,”

Johnny raised an eyebrow.

“Please, unless you count getting pounded by Rhino...”

Both of Johnny's eyebrows went up.

“NOT LIKE THAT!” Pete screamed, “Jeez get your mind out of the gutter.”

Johnny chuckled, “Jeez dude, it was a joke.”

Pete nodded, “I just need a nap.”

“Then take one,” Johnny suggested.

“My clothes aren't done yet.”

“Duh. I meant here.”

“What? Where?”

Johnny looked at the bed, “Um, there.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I'm beat too, probably lay down as well.”

“With me?” Peter sounded shocked.

Johnny made a face, “Dude, that bed is larger than your apartment. It's a nap, not a proposal.”

“No way man, that's weird.”

Johnny shook his head, “Pete, we're in the 21st century now, you do know two guys can take a nap in the same bed and hump right?”

“It's weird.”

“You're weird.”

Peter said nothing but looked longingly at the bed.

“It's like they say, Pete, it's not gay if you keep your socks on.”

Parker looked at him confused and Johnny just smiled at him.

“Fine, but I still think it's weird.”

Johnny laughed, “And I still think you're weird.”

Pete sighed and fell face-first into the bed, “Oh my god.”

Johnny jumped in on his side, “I know right? Unstable something or other.”

Peter didn't hear him, he was already asleep.

Peter Parker was in heaven.

He had never felt so safe before, swallowed in what felt like a cocoon of sunlight, and snuggled deeper into it. He just laid there, half awake and half asleep, listening to the breathing around him.

The breathing?

He came awake completely and felt the arms circled around him. Johnny had wrapped himself around Pete, becoming the warmest big spoon in history. Peter tried to move but Johnny's arms were locked around him. He pushed harder and said, “Johnny, Johnny wake up!”

After a few seconds Peter struggled harder, making sure he didn't use his strength and hurt his friend. He grabbed one of Johnny's hand and began to pry it open when he heard, “Jesus Pete, relax.”

“You're awake? Get off me!”

This time he pushed Johnny and the blonde went flying off the bed.

“What the shit?” Johnny exclaimed, flying up from the floor.

“Dude, what the hell?” Peter screamed.

“What is your damage man?”

“You were holding me!”

“Oh please, you sighed and leaned back into it before you knew it was me. You liked it.”

“YOU WERE AWAKE THE WHOLE TIME!”

Johnny sighed and rolled his eyes, “Man you are so fucking square.”

“I'm not into guys dude!”

“And I am?” Johnny asked.

Pete said nothing.

“Look, man, we were asleep, we were just snuggling, there is nothing gay about that.”

“Not gay?”

Johnny walked over to Pete, “Are you gay?”

“No!” Pete said instantly.

“You think I am ?”

Peter hesitated and Johnny's hands balled up into fists.

“No, no I don't think so!” Pete admitted.

“So then tell me, how can the two of us taking a nap be gay?”

“We were snuggling!”

“And that's gay how?”

Peter's eyes almost bugged out.

“Look man, people need human contact. And there is no one in the world I know that needs it more than you. I know you're single right now and your life sucks because it always sucks. You liked it because you need it.”

“It's gay!”

“IT'S NOT GAY!” Johnny roared.

Both men stared at each other, their breaths heaving.

“Look Peter, you have problems. I am your best friend and that isn't saying much because you don't have many. And you're freaking out because we enjoyed a nap and a snuggle. That has nothing to do with gay or straight, it has to do with your damn issues. You're a smart guy so I think you know this.”

“I don't need to snuggle!”

Johnny cocked his head, “Dude, you need serious snuggles.”

“Not from you.”

“Then who?”

And Peter didn't have an answer.

“You're too uptight to just go pick a girl up and spend a night with them, you are tragically single and you don't trust any of your friends enough to just relax.”

“This is nuts.”

“Fine,” Johnny said walking away, “Your laundry is done, take it home, and try to forget all this but I don't think you can. Because you liked it Pete because you need it. You need human contact and that was all I was offering.”

“You planned this?”

Johnny rolled his eyes, “Just go, Pete, before you say something you're going to regret.”

Peter thought about it for a moment and then decided, his friend was right. He went to find his laundry and go home.

And forget about everything Johnny just said.

The fight had been as brutal as it had been quick.

One thing about working with the Avengers, there was a lot more clean up after than he was used to. Hawkeye, Nova, and him had been left to pick up the debris leftover. Clint had asked him what was wrong and the next thing you know he was telling him everything.

“Like....cuddle, cuddle?” Hawkeye asked.

“Right?” Peter said, “It's not just me right?”

“No way, I would have freaked.”

“Thank you!” Peter said, going back to the cleanup.

Nova sighed loudly.

“Sprung a leak kid?” Hawkeye asked him.

Sam looked up and looked like he was about to say something and then shook his head, “Nothing.”

Both men looked at each other, shrugged, and went back to their conversation.

“So what do I do?”

“If it was me? Find a new friend.”

Another sigh.

Peter glanced over for a second and pressed on.

“Yeah, I mean I don't even know what to say to that. No I'm not interested in you like that?”

Louder sigh.

“What's your damage?” Hawkeye asked.

Nova looked up and glared at Peter for a moment, but held his tongue.

“What?” Peter asked, “You got a comment? Say it?”

“You're homophobic.”

“What?”

“You're homophobic and you're both Neanderthals.”

Pete and Clint shared a glance, “Anything you want to tell us Sam?”

Sam dropped the ton of cement he had been holding, “See? So now I say something and you both automatically assume I'm gay. That's homophobic man.”

“I don't have a problem with gay people,” Peter insisted.

“Then why are you so bent out of shape that something your friend is trying to do is gay? Or going to make you look gay? Or that even it being gay is bad?”

Peter stopped.

“Both of you are so weirded out about a guy touching you, that you can't even see what he was talking about.”

“So you'd just snuggle with another guy?”

“Yeah, all the time.”

They both stared at him.

“Me and my friends have no issues with each other. Sometimes I need a hug and my friends give it to me with no judgment. And sometimes, we're lonely and just want to be held. So yeah, we snuggle, it's pretty common with anyone born in this century. And by the way, even if my friend WAS gay and needed a snuggle, I'd give do it in a second because it is my FRIEND asking for love. The fact you two dinosaurs can't see the difference between love and sex is the reason gay people hide who they are.”

He hefted the chunk of concrete over his head, “And ask yourself this if everything I just said was bullshit, why were you so concerned suddenly if I was gay or not? Why are you still? And what does that matter if you truly don't care?”

Before they could answer he took flight and sped away.

“Did we just get schooled by a ten-year-old?”

Pete knew Sam was older than that, but damned if the kid didn't have a point.

The next Sunday Pete texted Johnny.

PETE: YOU AROUND?

JOHNNY: YEAH WHAT'S UP?

PETE: YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT THE DRYER THING, I'M ADDICTED

JOHHNY: LOL, COME OVER.

Pete was able to collect his dirty clothes in a pillowcase this time and was able to sling over to the Baxter Building pretty quick. Johnny's window was open and he came flipping in.

“How am I going to explain Spider-man in my place?” Johnny said closing the windows.

“Tell them your brother in law came to his senses and hired an actual superhero for your job.:

Johnny shot a flame jet at Pete's ass, making the other man jump.

“Hey! This isn't fireproof!”

“I don't know why you didn't keep the one Reed made you when you were part of the Foundation.”

Pete shrugged, “Just felt too expensive to keep.”

Johnny rolled his eyes and signaled for Herbie to come in.

“Another load of laundry,: he told the droid.

“Olfactory sensors indicate what he is wearing now is soiled.”

Johnny hid his smile, “Dude, Herbie just said you stink.”

“I didn't bring a change of clothes!” Pete protested.

“My closet, su closet,” he said opening it up, “Pick something to wear.”

Pete grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of jeans and started to change.

“What the heck are you wearing?” Johnny said looking at Peter step into the jeans, “What are you wearing?”

Peter made a face, “Um, are these special jeans?”

Johnny sighed, “One, you need to get Tik Tok, two, dude just put on some shorts, we're just chllin.”

Johnny found a pair of blue running shorts and tossed them to Pete. “Just slip those on.”

Pete sighed and pulled them on, tossing his uniform to Herbie.

The droid wished out, leaving Pete and Johnny alone.

“So, thanks for this,” Pete said after a second.

“Right, so you wanna dance around this or just talk about it?”

Pete shook his head and sat on the edge of the bed, “Man, you just don't let a guy get his feet do you?”

Johnny sat next to him, “Look, Pete, we've been friends since we were both teenagers. We literally grew up together, in a way. So when you storm out of here one week and then come back, trying to be all nice the next, I know you want to talk about it. Now we can just talk about it or I can wait the two hours it will take for your uptight ass to get to the point.”

Pete just smiled, “We have known each other forever, haven't we?”

“Ben was like an older brother, but you and me, we were the same age, liked the same things, were both figuring out how to be heroes....yeah man, it's been a stretch.”

“Right,” Pete sighed and ran his hands through his hair, “So you were just trying to help out, and I shouldn't have freaked out about it.”

“I agree.”

“And yeah, maybe I did overreact.”

“Completely overreacted.”

Peter gave him a glare.

“Anyways, so I'm sorry, and will you forgive me?”

Johnny chuckled, “Did that when I invited you over, so come on.”

He said patting the bed.

“What? No, I don't want to do that again.”

“Yeah you do,” Johnny said.

“Um, no I don't.”

“You do, that's why you came over. If you wanted to apologize you would have found me out on patrol. If you wanted to just see if things were cool, you would have texted me. You came over because deep down, you know I'm right. You are in a bad place, and you need a snuggle.”

“Please stop calling it that,” Pete said in a soft voice.

Johnny scooted closer, “Look man, you need to get all this gay, straight shit out of your head. Girls can hang out, snuggle, hug, say they love each other and no one thinks their lesbians. Why can't guys?”

Peter was holding his breath, “I don't know.”

Johnny put his arm around Pete's shoulder and pulled him in, “I love you Peter, you're my best friend and a great guy. Please...let me comfort you.”

Pete leaned into the hug but was still tense.

“Here,” Johnny said, pulling them both back onto the bed, “Just lay here with me, we don't even have to talk.”

Pete laid there as Johnny pulled him close and the two of them laid together, on the bed.

“Breathe...” Johnny said, running his hand through Peter's hair.

Peter let out a deep breath as he leaned into the movement.

“See? Just relax, you're always so worried, so focused. I get that, it's why you're a great guy but Peter...”

He wrapped his arm around the other man and pulled him closer until they were spooning, “Let go...I'll catch you.”

Peter could feel himself tense up.

“Shhhh....” Johnny whispered in his ear, “I'll catch you.”

Pete took a deep breath and leaned back into Johnny, who wrapped him in a bear hug and held him tight. At first, Peter didn't move, not sure what to do. And then slowly, Pete put his hand over Johnny's arm and pulled it closer. And the two of them curled up together, enjoying the silence and the human contact.

Within minutes, Peter was asleep.

[pendulum-sonata]

Classicalship!

Why am I not surprised :P, anyway this is gonnna be super long, so it will have to be under read more:

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - They would last forever cuz they’re both long-commited people

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - Not quickly, and even if it was, they would take too long to figure out like the two oblivious blockheads they are… maybe Yuzu wouldn’t take too long realizing, but would be a bit intimidated if she isn’t sure of his feelings.

How was their first kiss? - I kinda waddle between a surprise peck from Yuzu to Reiji and in between a rougher kiss when the sexual tension is a bit too much to handle :P

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Reiji most likely, but if we’re honest Yuzu had probably figured out that he would ask her but didn’t want to pressure him because she knows feelings are hard for him.

Who is the best man/men? - Yuya would likely be Reiji’s best man, and maybe after much begging proding Sawatari would sneak his way into it to everyone’s dismay.

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Yuzu would probably had an entire group made of it, just to the top of my head: Yoko, Masumi, Serena, Ayu (although she could be the flower girl too), Asuka, Reira, maybe even Himika lol.

Who did the most planning? - Neither, Himika took over quickly and wanted to argue about it either, because no one would win this conversation against her :’D

Who stressed the most? - I have a feeling Reiji would have a slowly rising stress at the thought of everything and how big it feels, Yuzu wouldn’t get stressed in the emotional part but she would get stressed by all the things Himika plans to put on the wedding and basically turning it into a public event (which she already had second thought about.)

How fancy was the ceremony? -Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big. (Unwillingly lol, I kinda imagine them as the type of people who would compromise to the big ceremony Himika wants, but the party would be far more private, only friends and family)

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Leo, even if he was invited, I have a feeling he wouldn’t want to come lol.

Sex:

Who is on top? - I think they switch depending on the mood.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Yuzu, hands down, like after the awkwardness of the first time, I feel she would defitely do it.

How healthy is their sex life? -Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? -Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - I don’t know? I mean it probably varies, but they probably aren’t the type of having ‘quickies’ so I’d say from normal lenght to more? >.>

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - I imagine Reiji is a little too obssesed with ‘performing well’  so he probably does worry about this, but I don’t think Yuzu keeps track

How rough are they in bed? -Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it. (lol, Yuzu probably tried to get Reiji to be rough once and he ended up feeling bad about it xD)

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? -No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - Not gonna lie, I think they would have 2 at most

How many children will they adopt? - I mean, they’re already the mom and dad of the team, so I think they technically have plenty of adopted people around. 

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Neither, I think Nakajima gets to be a nanny and bodyguard

Who is the stricter parent? - People on the outside would think it’s Reiji, but it’s actually Yuzu, not that she would get to be a control freak, but let’s face it: Reiji was probably a pretty free range child and would think it’s okay then Yuzu would get like “You can’t be serious.” face.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Yuzu most likely, but Reiji could be like in a situation where he forbids something and the kids go like “but weren’t you already doing far more dangerous stuff than me at that age?” and he would get stuck, Yuzu would unflinchinly say something on the lines of “I did a lot of things at your age that won’t be doing.” 

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - They live in a paradox where they remeber to pack their kids lunches but forget their own.

Who is the more loved parent? - they’re both loved, but the kids probably know it’s easier to manipulate Reiji into agreeing to things Yuzu never would. (you can’t convince me Reiji wouldn’t be weak for his children.)

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Both take turns, but I can imagine Yuzu is more likely to get into a incident related to her temper and get banned from attending :P

Who cried the most at graduation? - Yuzu in public, both in private,

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Reiji, but for once not because of his permissive tendencies, but because now they managed to piss their dad and it’s gonna be him the one to discipline them, and they’ll remember to never push him too far again.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - I can’t see either cooking much, Reiji is probably clueless and Yuzu may know basic stuff like rice balls or pancakes but that’s it, this is probably another things that falls under Nakajima’s tasks :P

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Reiji, for virtue of having most likely grown with personal cooks or chefs

Who does the grocery shopping? - Surprisingly Reiji, because Yuzu still can’t shake the habit of buying during sales and on a budget and Reiji doesn’t like to be stingy with food.

How often do they bake desserts? - Not too often, because Reiji doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth and Yuzu may have some every once on a while but she prefers fruity flavors than sweets.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Man, I feel that since Yuzu is more active than Reiji (pro duelist) she would go for meat and more protein diet, whereas Reiji is a salad guy.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Reiji would take Yuzu to expensive places to eat.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Yuzu is a social butterfly, so she would like to be out more often and avoid Reiji of becoming a full-blown recluse

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - I would say Reiji if I would believe he wouldn’t follow recipes to the T, maybe he would end up screwing up something but not to that level, Yuzu would probably do it for confusion over the fancy kitchen and what button does what.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - I think Reiji would be the type to want things tidy and ordered, so he does most of the time without really thinking about it.

Who is really against chores? - Neither, but they have specific chores they do and some don’t even cross their mind it needs to be done: Reiji? Likes things clean and ordered, but ask him if he knows how to do laundry. Yuzu? Very good at keeping thing “clean” but it’s she’s probably the type to have an organized mess.

Who cleans up after the pets? - I don’t think they would have pets.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Yuzu lol

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Both do but for different reasons, Reiji for planning but he hides it well and Yuzu because she has to remember etiquette and all.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Pfft no one, because Reiji doesn’t handle cash, maybe they’d be more prone to find cards 

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Both do lol, I imagine Reiji is very thorough with cleaning himself, while Yuzu just likes to relax.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Again, they woulnd’t have pets so… next.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Yuzu definitely does and Reiji indulges her even if he has to bear with wearing an ugly xmas sweater,

What are their goals for the relationship? - I don’t see Yuzu as doing long-term goals (she’s more on the impulsive side) but Reiji probably sees themselves growing old together

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Yuzu on her off days.

Who plays the most pranks? - Yuzu may do it… I think? But nah.

[darlingkuroo]

Meet you there - Dick Grayson

Prompt: “So you go your way and I'll go mine And if we're meant to, I'll meet you there”

Warnings: mentions of rape and implied smut

I’m upset, I had a better written version, but now I have to rewrite everything. Thank you to my friend who helped me choose who to write about also!!!!

————————————————————-

If Dick Grayson had to be honest, he was very stress. Balancing the college lifestyle and also his night time activities (ones that don’t involve y/n of course). He felt horrible for not being able to spend time with his girlfriend. Especially since there is no spare time for her. So he decided he needed a break.

He had walked into the bar that y/n worked at. No, she wasn’t a bartender, but merely just a singer for their entertainment. But he had rarely ever came to see her at work, so when she saw him walked in she was very surprised. Finishing her next song, she took a break. Happily getting off the stage to meet up with Dick.

“Hey, you, what are you doing here? Not that I don’t want you here of course.” Y/n asked, giving her boyfriend a light hug.

“We need to talk.” Y/n was no idiot to those words, it meant they were breaking up or the other person was pregnant.

“Either your pregnant or your breaking up with me.” She replies, really hoping he was going to say he was pregnant.

“I just need a break, everything is just getting too much right now. With school and adjusting,” Y/n still had no idea that her boyfriend was nightwing the one who fought danger in Gotham and Bludhaven. “The break isn’t going to be forever, I’ll come back to you.”

“Don’t worry, Dick, it’s cool. We all have those moments when we need time to ourselves.” Y/n replies, giving Dick a peck on his cheek before he left. Of course she was going to wait for him, she’s wait a thousand years for him.

Months had passed since they’ve had that conversation. Dick felt more light hearted and less stress. The burdens that were once on his shoulders were now gone and he felt much lighter. But the thought of y/n crossed his mind, and it had been awhile since he’s held her. He missed the way her body fit perfectly with his, and how she used to snuggle into him at night. And how her pretty hair felt against his face.

God he was in love with this woman.

Dick had decided that he would make a visit to her at her workplace. He would love to be enchanted by her melodic voice once again. Dick went into the familiar bar in Gotham and began watching y/n, she was just captivating and was like a star. Although, to dick it looked liked she was paying to closely to one of the customers in the front row.

She gave the man smiles, that seemed to be so much brighter than when she was with him. Then her eyes locked with his as she sang the next lyrics, “So you go your way and I'll go mine And if we're meant to, I'll meet you there.”

It felt as if she was talking to him personally, and how ironic based on the current relationship they have right now. Y/n was confused, she watched Dick furrow his eyebrows and he looked so pissed off from her view. She kept her smile on, making sure no one would be able to tell she was upset.

The song ended, and Y/n raced off the stage and was caught in a hug by her brother. “As much as I’d love to stay, my wife’s water just broke and well I gotta blast.”

“Remember to name the baby after me!” Y/n called out to her brother, who only gave her a thumbs up.

She looks around trying to spot Dick, but it seems as if he had disappeared. But alas she caught this black messy hair, and she excitedly was going to walk up to him. Until she saw another woman, who was gorgeous. She had the prettiest red dress in that hugged every part of her body, and her brown hair was curled perfectly.

Dick knew he shouldn’t have, but he did. He kissed the pretty brunette, and watched as y/n raced to run backstage. And he knew he made his mistake, but she made hers first. Y/n kept thinking about how they were on a break and that no matter what, as if that moment she had no say in whatever relationships Dick wanted to initiate.

Y/n waited until Dick was no longer in the bar and to her luck the other woman wasn’t there either. And she at the bar all mopey and tears in her eyes, but yet she kept a smile on her face. Though, the biker sitting right next to her could tell something was wrong.

“Rough night?” He asks, Y/n turns towards the biker who was quite intimidating to be honest.

“You could say that.”

“Wanna talk? I may seem intimidating but I just need to practice for when I have kids of my own.”

“Well, my boyfriend, ex-boyfriend wanted to go on a break, because he was feeling too stress you know?”

“College student?”

“Yep, and so I saw him today in the bar, and he told me he was going to come back for me. But I come off the stage and find him with another woman.” Y/n explains, banging her head on the counter.

“Maybe he was confused. That other man who you came in with, who is he?”

“My brother, but why would you- oh.”

“Do you see it now?” The man asks, a smile appearing because of her realization. “He most likely got jealous, but his was of letting it out wasn’t the right way to do it. Now listen to those lyrics that you sang earlier.”

Y/n nods her head, with a now smile appearing on her face, “Thank you, I really appreciate it.”

“The names Ricky, now you go meet him there. I have to go buy my wife some pickles and ice cream, it’s one of her weird cravings right now.” The biker man said, getting up and hugging her.

Y/n too decided it was her time to make her leave. And damn, she should have just waited till morning. The streets of Gotham were dangerous, theifs were everywhere, and villains could easily take you hostage. Luckily Y/n took taekwando lessons to ease her parent’s minds. So when she heard foot steps behind her she was suspicious.

She took a quick look over her shoulder as she met the eyes of her stalker, who only gave her a creepy smile in reply. “The world isn’t such a good place for a little girl like you.” He says.

“Talking about yourself like that isn’t good for your self esteem.” Y/n retorts stopping in position.

“Come on, I just wanna play baby girl.”

“Play with this!” She says, doing a round house kick, hitting the guy in the face. The man faltered to the ground not expecting it from her.

“Oh you wish you didn’t do that.” He said, spitting out blood and pulling out his gun. Y/n was really screwed now.

“You know sir, it’s not nice to harass ladies.” A familiar voice says, and out comes Nightwing from the shadows. Using his escrima sticks he easily beat the guy, and the police were now on their way to claim the greasy man. “Are you okay?”

Y/n had known that voice from anywhere. “Yeah, I’m good.” She stuttered slightly.

“Let me walk you home.” He gives her his arm, and she took it in an instant. “So why are are you out so late?”

“Well I was suppose to leave earlier from my job, but I just couldn’t face my ex-boyfriend,” Y/n replies. “I saw him with another woman, and it hurt. But I mean we were on a break so technically I have no say in his relationships right now.” Her voice quivered and she hoped he didn’t notice, but he did.

“So this boyfriend of yours, why do you think he did it?” Dick asked, on the inside he was fuming, she had the audacity to be upset when she started it first.

“I think he was jealous, I was with my brother, so I guess he thought that I was like into him or something.” And the flames inside Dick disappeared. He truly was a Dick. “But hey, maybe we’ll go our separate ways and meet in the middle once again.”

They stood in front of her apartment door, before y/n turned towards him. “Dick I know it’s you, by the way.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I can recognize your voice from anywhere.”

“Look y/n, I am so sorry for what happened earlier,” He cringed even thinking about his mistakes. “I shouldn’t have assumed that you were into him or anything, and I understand if you don’t want to forgive me.”

“Thank you, but I’m kinda too mad at you to forgive you,” Dick’s hopes have fallen, he really did screw up. “But I do still wanna make up for lost time.” She says, pulling him into a kiss.

“I thought you were mad at me.”

“Believe me I am, but I gotta show you what you would’ve missed now. Don’t I?”

[sanderssidecanons]

Mood Swings!

Chapter 2: Chaos

Words: 3264

Warnings: None I can think of

Additional Info: @at-least-seven-pretty-potatoes helped writing this one, so thank ya very much!

Tag list: @studiesbycandy @himrachel @atomicengineerdetective @broadwaytheanimatedseries @at-least-seven-pretty-potatoes

Logan couldn't stay in the living room with eight different Patton's any longer, there were certainly too much thoughts swirling inside of his mind. „I will retreat into my room to try and fix this...“ He casted a glance towards all Patton's who were staring at him, each of their eyes sparkling with a different emotion.

 „...Incident. Please only disrupt me if it is an absolute emergency.“ This wasn't the only reason he had to get away as fast as possible away from everything and catch a break in his room. He felt unwanted emotions, they were clawing at his heart and causing him unbearable chest-pains.

 Logan knew those feelings very well, the last time he felt them being the time all of them moved to Patton's room in the video „Moving on“, that Thomas decided to make. He could quench the guilt last time by  making a simple cat hoodie, but a cat hoodie wasn't going to fix this mess! He needed to start working immediatly, so he would be able to get Patton back as fasrt as possible.

Virgil was watching after Logan, silent the whole time and wondering just what exactly was going on in the mind of the logical trait right about now. What did he feel, did he even feel?

 Virgil was never too sure about this, but what he did know was, that there were seven Patton's on their couch, the poor piece of furniture creaking under the massive weight. Virgil was planning to go after Logan and talk him out of whatever he was going to do, claiming that they needed him to take care of every Patton that was currently wildly discussing on the couch. Until he saw how anger rammed his elbow in Gloom's rips, the gloomy part coughing and wincing in pain and hunching his shoulders up as the angry part hissed at him: „Do you mind?! I need my space!“ 

„Sorry.“ Was Gloom's meek answer as he tried to shift as far away from Anger as possible, his eyes shining like he was about to cry and Virgil felt a flash of memories in his mind. Gloom reminded him so much of... himself. In Thomas' teengaer years, the phase he really started to develop into a side and was rudely shoved away and unaccepted by Roman and Logan, Patton being the only one of the light sights, that smiled at him and looked out for him.

 In times where no one wanted Virgil, Patton was there to make him feel better, to ease his anxieties and made him feel at least somewhat better. And now was Patton sitting in front of him, just like he did all those years, looking scared and sad and Virgil could almost see himself in the gloomy side. The anxious trait didn't care if it was just a part of Patton, it was still Patton and he would look out for Gloom.

 He moved closer to the couch, sitting between Gloom and Anger, who shouted various insults at Virgil but never dared to say something worse than 'meanie', so Virgil should be fine after he shot Anger a quick glare. The angry part screamed out of fury and actually wanted to tackle Virgil down, but Bravery was jumping at Anger, before he could reach Virgil.

 „IF YOU WANNA FIGHT, ALP, THEN FIGHT ME!“ Both of them grunted and  yelled as they wrestled with each other, throwing themselves off the couch and rolling on the ground now, all of them watching the scene. Roman jumped out of the way as the two Patton's reached him, quickly grabbing both of them by the collar and heaving them up, looking absolutely lost. Both of them were squirming and trying to get away, but Roman placed them back on the couch, as far away as possible and shot them a glare, looking helplessly at Virgil who put an arm around Gloom and started to whisper some reassurance to him. 

The gloomy side still looked a little blue, not only because of his skin and hair, but was actually snuggling up to Virgil, seemingly enjoying the warmth the anxious trait gave him. „So, what are we going to do?“ Asked Virgil, arching an eyebrow and looking at Roman, who suddenly snapped back to reality, biting his nails nervously as he started pacing. What WERE they going to do?! And why was EVERY Patton staring at him, waiting for an answer?! 

„Why are you asking me?! I'm not doing the plans, Logan is the guy who does the plans! And.... Patton is the one that keeps our spirits and motivation high...“ Roman slumped in on himself, looking suddenly incredibly lost and defeated, which caused Virgil to frown. Both of them always knew, but never acknowledged how much Patton actually influenced them, and now that he wasn't here Roman started to lose his confidence, Virgil taking a deep breath and trying to reassure Roman as best as he could: „Hey, Princey. We need you alright? Logan will figure this out, he always does, and as long as he works on it, we have to get along with these guys here.

 What do you think we should do?“ Roman took a deep breath, trying to ground himself as best as possible. He could do this, he just had to watch over some Patton's with Virgil, he could handle it. „I think Thomas should be fine, shouldn't he? I mean, technically is Patton still here, he still does his job. He should just be kinda moody but apart from that fine. Let's just keep them all in one place until we figure this out.“ Virgil thought for a short moment before deciding, that Roman seemed to be right. Everything of Patton was still there, his emotions were just split up, so Thomas should be fine.

 He just wanted to agree with Roman's plan as Sass suddenly stood up, eyeing everyone in annoyance before remarking: „Whatever, I'm out, I only stand that much stupidity per day.“ Virgil and Roman were a little flabbergasted, never expecting a Patton to be so... snarky and rude. Roman looked at Virgil, who quickly thought of a plan and proposed: 

„You get Sass, I watch over the other guys.“ Roman nodded, adding a quick: „You got it!“ Before sprinting off to get the sassy side, the moment Roman left the room chaos absolutely erupting and Virgil staring completely overwhelmed at everything. He didn't expect that to happen. The only part still on the couch was Gloom, who had his hands over his ears and his eyes screwed shut, trying to drown the noise out but simply unable to do so. Virgil could understand him, he was also pretty sensitive to his surroundings and wanted to comfort the sad part, but was a little distracted as Bravery started knotting some blankets together to make a rope and opened a window, exclaiming:

 „I DON'T FEAR DYING AS LONG AS I CAN FEEL THE THRILL OF ADVENTURE!“ Virgil made a strangled noise and quickly stood up, grabbing the brave part around his waist and pulling him back just in time, sighing mentally in relief. That was a close one. He dragged the orange Patton towards the couch and turned the TV on, changing the channel to some stupid survival-show and sighing in relief as this seemed to hold Braverys attention.

 „Okay, listen, Gloom. I need to get the other Patton's, take those if you wanna go to sleep alright? Try to ignore everything, they won't hurt you. I will make sure of that.“ He handed the blue Patton the blanket and Pillow the actual Patton always snuggled himself into when he watched TV. Gloom nodded only, feeling even sadder as Virgil left, thinking he scared the anxious trait away and scolding himself mentally for screwing up again.

 Viril looked around. He saw Happy walking into the kitchen, Anger was still in the living-room, ranting about the volume, even though he was by far the loudest, about the other sides, about absolutely everything, so Virgil just placed him in front of the TV, where he started to rant about the characters, starting to bicker with Bravery, but they were at least together, he could work with that. Virgil looked around again. Nope, Jokester was completely gone, no idea where he went, so Virgil wanted to get Happy, but had to stop and stare as he saw the kitchen.

 Everything was a literal Pigsty, Happy was covered in Flour, just like the counter and floor, some broken eggs are on the ground, the bowl on the counter overflowing with ingredients and Happy looking sheepishly at Virgil, apparently just realizing what a mess he actually made. „Sorry.“ He quickly sad, smiling innocently while Virgil's eye twitched in slight irritation. Happy wanted to make cookies, nothing unusal for the actual Patton, but the missing anxiety, which Gloom had more than enough of, prevented Happy from actually messuring the ingredients and to watch out to not make a total  mess. Virgil wanted to scream, but he contained himself, just sounding really tired as he said:

 „Happy. Go. Watch TV.“ The green Patton tilted his head slightly, observing the anxious trait and trying to speak up: „But-“ „Please.“ Begged Virgil, looking intently at Happy, who simply shrugged and hopped away, claiming: „I will clean this up later then!“ He certainly won't, Virgil was sure of it. But now he had to find Jokester, a loud clattering followed by a yell causing Virgil to flinch and his head to whip around, noise coming from the bedrooms, immediatly sprinting to the source of noise.

Roman catched up as he and Sass reached the bedrooms, all the doors immediatly giving away to whose room it led, the creative trait looking at the goth Roman didn't really know how to approach this Patton, so he just kinda grabbed his arm in a panic, the sassy part immediatly hissing and ripping his arm away, snapping at the fanciful side:

 „Don't touch me, conformist! Why don't you go back and play fairytale with the other conformists? I'm sure Lust would happily be the princess for you!“ Okay, Roman did really not expect this. The surprise caused the creative trait to let go and Sass to disappeart into Patton's room, banging the room shut.

 Roman shuddered, the mere thought of Lust as his princess a little too much for him. And he had to admit, he was kinda scared of Sass. Sure, he fought greater evils, dragon-witches, sorcerers, guinea pigs, but this guy had still Patton's face and was even sassier than Virgil. He would leave Sass alone for a while, he was probably the side that would cause the least trouble, so he just backed slowly off, perking up as he heard a quiet noise in the bathroom. Roman ran towards it, ripping the door open and screaming as a bucket filled with water landed on his head, surrounding him in darkness and causing him to yell, because the water was almost frozen and the bucket actually hurt.

 Roman shook the bucket off, staring at the big bathroom, spotting Jokester sitting on the toilet, laughing like mad, clapping with his hands while almost falling down, Gloom laying in the bathtub next to him, watching the scene with big eyes. Virgil quickly appeared behind Roman, the creative trait actually flinching as the anxious trait put a hand on his shoulder, asking him if he was alright. Roman kinda snapped at this comment: „NO! I'm not alright! Patton is GONE and now we have to take care of seven different Patton's that have literally no other goals than TORMENTING ME!“

 He screamed the last words, causing gloom to sink down as much as possible to make himself invisible, while Virgil stared at Roman in shock. He really didn't expect this. „Jokester. Go to the living-room and watch TV, please.“ The purple Patton was a little threatened by the creative trait and simply nodded, quickly leaving the bathroom and running down the hallway, Virgil again putting his hand on Roman's shoulder.  He looked back at Roman, who looked… defeated.

 He was hunched over slightly, and he’d swept his soaked bangs away from his face and up to the top of his head, showing clearly the crease in his brow at the frown.  “I know that this is hard, Roman. I know that… it’ll continue to be hard for who knows how long, but… we can do it.” Virgil put his hand on Roman’s soaked shoulder. 

Roman finally made surprised eye contact. They got on fine now, they still had the small argument every now and then, but they were friends. Nonetheless, Virgil wasn’t the type of person to initiate physical contact. 

“We owe it to Patton. He’d done so much to help us, and we owe it to him, honestly.” Virgil continued. He let out a shuddering breath. “And I’m scared too. But we’ve got to do it. For Patton. You, Logan and I, we’ve got what it takes, I think. And even if we don’t, we have to summon whatever it takes. If there’s anyone I know that can do that, it’s you, Princey.” 

And it was true. Roman had always been confident to Virgil . He’s always been this sure of himself. Sure, it was sometimes annoying. But now it was what they needed. And he needed the old Roman back. He knew it would take time, but he believed in Roman. 

Roman allowed Virgil’s words to sink in… And had to admit to himself that Virgil was right, even though he would never admit that, because Roman was always right and Virgil was… right. No time for any bickering. It was Patton who needed them! “Don’t worry, I’m not nearly as defeated as I look!” He gave Virgil a pat on the back and wrung his soaked sash, announcing: “You get Ruby Gloom over there, I will change my attire to something more… suitable, to keep these Patton’s at bay! I believe in you my dark knight!”

 With those words he quickly fled from the room. It was true, his robes were truly not made for babysitting, he needed something more comfortable and strechting to do this job! And he thought he had the right thing in his closet. Just a little trip to his room. He opened the door and screamed again as yet another bucket fell on him, his frustration slightly rising.

 He shook the bucket off and let out an infuriated yell, but quickly turned around and assured Virgil that he was alright, before closing the door to change his outfit. He could really use a nap, even though he was the side that almost never slept since he took care of ideas AND dreams. 

Virgil's gaze shifted to Gloom, who was still hiding in his bathtub, the water probably not even warm anymore. Virgil sat on the closed toilet seat and shot Gloom a light smile, causing him to retreat even further. He sat in the bathtub, curled to a ball with the blanket Virgil gave him wrapped around himself and fully clothed. „Hey, how're ya doing?“ Asked Virgil, smiling slighty, while Gloom didn't meet his eyes.

 „Fine.“ He answered a little meek, causing Virgil to frown. „I know that you are probably scared and confused, but Roman wasn't mad at you. Trust me. He is just confused, like everyone of us, but we will get through this alright? Logan's fixing it right now, so don't worry?“ Gloom finally met Virgil's gaze, eyes tearing up as he exclaimed: „How do you wanna know, that Logan can fix this. And even if he does, what good am I anyway? Patton doesn't need a party-pooper like me to destroy his good mood.“ He rolled on his side, facing the wall and away from Virgil, whispering to himself: „No one needs me.“

 Virgil scrunched his eyebrows together, all of this talking too familiar to him. „Do you... Need anything? A cookie or something?“ Gloom shook his head, answering quietly: „Someone else probably wants to eat it, and I don't wanna make anyone sad or mad, because I was eating his cookie.“ Virgil felt sad, knowing that Gloom wasn't able to think positive, but his words still causing great discomfort in his entire being.

 „I will leave you alone for a little while, all right? I will look for you again in a few minutes.“ Gloom didn't answer, just rolled a little more together, Virgil leaving the bathroom and closing the door, going back into the  living room and happily seeing, that every Patton he caught was now sitting on the couch and watching the stupid survival-show. He sat on the couch too and started dozing off, feeling completely exhausted after this day.

Meanwhile was Roman in his room, watching himself in the mirror. All right, this should do the trick. He was wearing the Christmas-Sweater he and Patton made, party out of nostalgia and partly, because he was hoping the sides would recognize it. He stroke a heroic pose in front of his mirror and pouted slightly, due to the fact that he didn’t look very heroic in a christmas sweater and baggy pants. But well. It should be enough to watch over some Patton’s. Roman never believed, that he would even THINK about something like that, it was insane…

 He opened the door and exited his room, wartching out for any mor buckets that were falling down, but nothing happened. That was almost too easy. He poked his head out and looked right, then left, before slowly exiting the room, quickly running to the living room, spotting all the sides and Virgil on the couch. Well, except for Ruby Gloom, and Mortimer Goth.

 He wouldn’t get Sass, no way, he already had enough and Gloom probably wanted to be alone. He kinda nudged Virgil and frowned as he didn’t react. Wait a minute. He slowly counted every Patton. There was Anger, Bravery, Happy, Jokester, minus Gloom and Sass… Those were still only six! Someone was missing! But who was it?! His eyes roamed around, trying to remember the Patton, that wasn’t there. 

“DAMMIT, WHO IS MISSING?!” He didn’t want to say this out loud and quickly slammed his hands over his mouth, staring in shock.   Virgil jerked awake and nearly fell off the couch the same moment that all Patton’s sides glared reproachfully at Roman, admonishing: “Language!” 

Virgil pressed a hand to his chest, taking deep breaths as he calmed down. He looked around him, and his heart dropped in his chest when he remembered the situation they were in. He frowned up at Roman. “What’s the problem?” 

Roman turned away from the sides, who were all listening in. “Someone isn’t here.” 

Virgil looked back at the sides, eyes widening as he counted them. “Who’s missing?” 

“Lust!” Bravery answered, shouting much louder than need be. “He left whenever Roman went to get Sass.” 

“Lust?” Out of all the sides that could have gone missing, it had to be Lust?! He looked back to Roman, who had a look of dread. 

“Well where could he have gone?” Roman asked, frowning. 

Virgil stared down at the carpet, before hurriedly glancing up at Roman. “Where’s Logan?” 

[choicesruinedmylife]

Stay a Little Longer (Drake x MC)

Book: The Royal Romance Pairing: Drake x MC (Carissa)

Warnings: Brief language, mentions of alcohol Summary: This is an expansion of how I imagined spending the night in the tent with Drake happened.

The fire was nearly completely burnt out when Drake decided that the group should get some sleep. He stood up and began to kick dirt over the embers, sending flurries of dust into the air. One by one, they started to stand and help clean up the area near the fire. The only sounds heard were the leaves rustling in the wind and the shuffle of tired feet as they headed for their separate tents. Goodnights were mumbled, and the sound of each sleeping bag being zipped up reminded Carissa of how lonely she could feel even when surrounded by friends. She sat on top of her sleeping bag, hugging her knees to her chest and thought about how the group felt like it was drifting apart. Her mind raced to comprehend if her actions towards Drake today were acceptable. There was always a slight fear in her mind that she would do something to mess this up, that she would accidentally push him away by trying too hard to keep him close to her.

“You’re fine, Carissa. He even said to you that you’re the only girl for him. Everything is going okay; stressing will just make you act strange and then he won’t like you anymore so just don’t stress.” Carissa quietly whispered this to herself to calm her mind.

She began to blush thinking about the interaction they had at the tea party. Normally, she did not allow herself to show her jealousy to a guy that she liked. Especially not someone like Drake. Guys like that, at least in New York, became uncomfortable when a girl got jealous. He thought it was cute when I showed how jealous I was. At this point, Carissa’s confidence began to grow based on her memory of the way Drake looks at her sometimes and the things that he says when they have the rare opportunity to be alone together.

A daring thought popped in her head and she reached for the bottle of whiskey that she had stored in her bag. Carissa sat in her tent a few minutes longer, waiting to make sure that people weren’t awake and going to come out of their tents anytime soon. She very slowly began to unzip her tent, just enough for her to get through without being heard. Peeking her head out, she saw that all the tents were dark except for one, Drake’s. Thank God, he’s still awake. She breathed out a sigh of relief and quietly made her way over to his tent. Standing a little way’s away from his tent, she took a few deep breaths to calm her racing heart. You can do this, Carissa. Be brave. Screw it, drink some whiskey. She opened the cap to the bottle and took a big swig, hoping that it would give her to confidence to actually enter his tent. She tentatively walked up to his tent and unzipped the flap. Stepping inside, she saw that Drake was laying down shirtless. He looked up at her in shock, his heart starting to race as to why she would be in his tent. He stared at her, wondering how she could look so beautiful with her hair in a messy bun while wearing some old sweatshirt and a pair of spandex shorts.

After a few moments of silence, Carissa finally spoke. “Oh, well, I’m glad I didn’t knock.” She winked at him and made her way over to his sleeping bag.

“Stein…. what’re you doing here?”

“What does it look like? I’m here to seduce you. Plus, I brought whiskey.” Carissa smirked at him, tossing the bottle onto the pile of blankets near the foot of his sleeping bag. She slowly began to remove her sweatshirt. Drake’s eyes went wide as he saw a small patch of bare skin before realizing that her tank top had ridden up due to the static of the sweatshirt.

“What?” He blushed when he noticed that she had seen his eyes widen. Laughing quietly, Carissa tossed her sweatshirt into a corner and lay down next to him.

“Scoot over, you’re hogging all the space.” Begrudgingly, Drake sat up and moved to the side. “Thank you very much. But, you gotta admit that this is just a little bit romantic?” Carissa snuggled close to him, her face nuzzling into his neck as he pulled her closer to him. She closed her eyes, listening to his heartbeat, feeling the way his body moved as he breathed. He slowly began to relax before speaking.

“It feels good to be out here with you.” Carissa smiled, knowing that slowly she was beginning to chip away at his hard shell.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. I wasn’t sure with the way that you were bossing everyone around today.” She sat up and reached for the bottle of whiskey, passing it to him.

“I was just trying to keep everyone safe. Most of them wouldn’t survive out here without me bossing them around.” He took a long drink of whiskey and wiped his lips off with the back of his hand.

“Yeah but you could have given less orders and kinda just let things happen. That is part of the fun of going camping. People make mistakes and it makes for great stories.” Carissa grabbed the bottle out of his hands and took a sip. Drake sat up fully, fiddling with the tie of his sweatpants as he spoke. “I guess my dad always ran a tight ship when we went camping. Maybe too much of that rubbed off on me…” His voice trailed off, staring at his hands before beginning again. He looked Carissa in the eyes, the deep brown of his irises soft and vulnerable. “I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t ruin the trip.”

Carissa placed her hands on the back of his neck, gently running her fingers through his hair. “Hey hey, you didn’t ruin the trip. To be honest, seeing you all bossy was kind of cute.” She smiled at him as he stared back, a slight blush creeping up on his cheeks.

“Really?” He looked at her, the tenderness in his eyes still there but with a hint of disbelief.

“Yeah, I mean cute in a very Drake sort of way. It’s pretty adorable that you take camping so seriously. I think you would have a heart attack at some of the camping stories that I have.” Carissa laughed as Drake shook his head.

“I don’t think I ever want to hear any of these, but I am also very curious.” He chuckled softly as Carissa handed him the bottle of whiskey. He took another sip. “If I finish this whole bottle, it is because your story was horrifying and I want to forget it.”

“Oh, come on, they weren’t that bad. I will tell you one that didn’t involve me as a child because then you will never want to take our kids camping.” Carissa mentally smacked herself in the back of the head for saying ‘our kid’. She paused for a second, waiting to see how he would react.

In the back of his mind, Drake was processing what she had just said. His rational side told him to not say anything at all and to just let her continue on with her story. The side of his brain that does not listen to any reason told him to grab her and kiss her like he would never get to again. Luckily for him, he managed to find a balance between the two.

“Our kids, huh? You think about this a lot, Stein?” He smirked at her, watching her eyes widen before she quickly yanked the whiskey away from him and took a big sip.

“Uh not that I haven’t ever thought about it but yeah sure…Anyways, this happened freshman year of college when I was still living in California.” Carissa stuttered for a bit before clearing her mind, so she could continue the story.

“Wait, you lived in California?” Drake interrupted her, wrapping his arms around her waist and gently guiding her to lay down. He took the bottle of whiskey and put it out of the way of where they were going to sleep.

“Yeah, I was born there and lived there until about 2 or 3 years ago but that is a story for another time.” Drake noticed a hint of sadness in her eyes that quickly went away when she restarted her story.

“So, second semester freshman year, we decided to go camping after spring break because it’s fun and something to do on the weekend. Obviously, we found someone to get us alcohol, so we were stocked for the trip. A couple cases of beer, some Jack Daniels, a bottle of Midori and green apple vodka. The first night we got there, it was a little late when we arrived, so we made dinner, set up camp. Pretty much all the boring stuff that you like to do.” Carissa laughed, lightly tracing circles on his ribs.

“How many people were camping with you?” Drake closed his eyes, relishing in the thought of camping with just the two of them.

“You need to stop interrupting.” Carissa glared at him, faking a pout for a few seconds until she began to laugh. “It was just my friend and her boyfriend who was also my friend. We had another friend who was supposed to come but he bailed. Don’t ask why he bailed, that is another long story for a different time.” Drake nodded his head and pretended to zip his lips shut. “I promise to not talk until you are done.”

“So, the first night we drank a little, I didn’t get too drunk and then went to bed. The second night, we were like fuck it and decided to try to finish as much of the alcohol as we could before going back to school the next day. We went to a private school that was a dry campus so drinking, technically, wasn’t allowed while we were enrolled but we all just tried not to get caught. That night, I got really fucking plastered because we ran out of mixers and I thought it was a good idea to mix the Midori and Vodka together. My friends were tired, so they went to bed early. Honestly, now that I think about it, they probably hooked up because I was out there for a while by myself. Long story short, I attempted to put out a fire by pouring more alcohol on it and then dumping all my water on it. I went to bed, woke up to my friend asking me why the fire was still going. Pretty much I was too drunk to notice that I didn’t actually put out the fire.” Carissa smiled and raised her hand in a sarcastic thumb’s up.

“Oh my god, Cari. Remind me to never trust you to put out a fire after drinking.” Drake genuinely laughed and pulled Carissa closer to him. She felt the vibrations of his laugh move through her body and enjoyed this moment, not knowing when the next one would be. It was comforting to hear him use the nickname that people used to use for her back home. It felt right that he would be the one to start saying it again.

“I’m glad that you found my story entertaining and actually laughed instead of trying to hide that handsome smile of yours behind your stern face.” Carissa slipped one of her legs between his in an effort to be as close to him as possible.

“I aim to please. Is there anything I can do to make your camping experience more enjoyable, Ms. Stein?”

“There is one thing…You can kiss me.” Carissa bit her bottom lip gently, searching his eyes for any indication that he wants her as much as she wants him.

“Stein….” Drake raised his thumbs to Carissa’s lips and traced them lightly. “You know I want to.”

“Then do it.” Carissa tilted her chin up towards him, feeling the warmth of his breath against her lips. Her heart was pounding in anticipation and she swore that he could feel it too. She saw the conflict on his face as he tried to decide what he thought was the right thing to do. Carissa held her breath, waiting to hear him say that kissing her is not the right thing to do. She waited to hear him talk about how he needs to be a good friend to Liam instead of doing something for himself, for once.

After what felt like minutes of waiting, he spoke, “Aw, hell.” Drake leaned in and kissed her, one hand tangling in her hair while the other slid down her back and pressed her closer against him. His fingertips brushed under her tank top, inching it up slowly. Carissa moved her hands down his chest, feeling his breath hitch in his throat and she got closer to the waistband of his sweatpants.  

“BEAR! BEAR!” Drake groaned, reluctantly pulling away from Carissa. They were both still breathing heavy, the desire in their eyes fading as reality set in. They listened to Hana and Maxwell laugh over the fact that Hana thought that Maxwell was a bear.

“Next time we go camping, it is just going to be us.” Drake grumbled, kissing the top of Carissa’s head while she tried to muffle her giggles at his annoyance towards the interruption.

“I’m in.” Carissa smiled up at him and he leaned down to kiss her one last time. When he pulled away, Carissa stifled a yawn, wanting to spend every moment she had with him awake.

“You’re tired.” Drake lightly ran his fingers over her back and shoulders. “We should get some sleep since you will have to wake up before the others and sneak back to your tent.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. I just want to stay in here with you forever.” She murmured into his chest, leaving light kisses. The feeling of Drake’s fingertips lightly tracing her back lulled Carissa to sleep. Drake lay awake for a little while longer, holding her close. He memorized what it felt like to have her in his arms as she slept. He memorized the feeling of her body pressed against his in a way that was more intimate than any of the one night stands he had in the past. ————————————————————————————- The alarm on Carissa’s phone began to ring, jarring her out of her sleep. She lay there wondering why she felt so warm before realizing that Drake’s arms were still wrapped around her. Her back was pressed up against his chest, his head in the nook between her shoulder and jaw. She reached forward and turned off her alarm. Drake’s arms pulled her closer to him and she held her breath, not wanting to wake him. Turning her head, Carissa pressed light kisses to his temple, savoring his scent and the warmth of his body against hers. Slowly, she began to lift his arm so she could leave. Carissa was finally able to sit up  when Drake’s arm reached out and grabbed her waist.

“Don’t go yet.” Drake spoke softly. Carissa shivered slightly at the husky sound of his voice. It was much gruffer than it normally was but the hint of tiredness caused her to want to stay and lay in that tent with him for as long as possible.

“I need to get back to my tent before everyone else wakes up.” She turned to face him, lightly brushing strands of hair out of his face. He looked so peaceful with his eyes still closed, trying to pull her closer to him.

“Who cares…I just want you to stay.” Drake yawned, rubbing the sleepiness out of his eyes so he could look at her. She started to turn away again, willing herself to leave the tent so they wouldn’t get caught together. “You’re so gorgeous, I want to wake up next to you every day.” He slowly sat up and leaned forward, gently kissing the back of her neck. He made his way up to her ear, pressing a kiss behind it that made her inhale sharply. Carissa sighed and turned back to face him. He grabbed her waist and pulled her onto his lap. She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against his.

“Just. Stay. A Little. Longer.” He punctuated each word with a kiss, sliding his hands underneath her tank top. Carissa melted under the feeling of his calloused hands on the soft skin of her back.

“Drake…” She leaned back, grabbing his face in both of her hands. “I really need to get going. If Maxwell or Hana or, God forbid, Liam wakes up and sees me coming out of your tent, we are so screwed. We would be in such deep shit. I know I am always the one pressuring you to go against your morals for once but I don’t want to be the cause of you losing your best friend. You’re right. We need to do this in the right way.” She whispered softly, her hands sliding to the back of his neck.

“No, no. You should get going. I’m glad we were able to spend the night together.” Drake tried to hide the sadness in his voice as he was jerked back to the reality that being caught together was a terrible idea. Carissa leaned forward, kissing him softly. Drake gently bit her bottom lip before flicking his tongue against it. Carissa parted her lips slightly to allow him access. There was a hint of the whiskey from the night before. She moaned softly into his mouth as he deepened the kiss. Carissa gently let go of Drake, going over to the corner of the tent to grab her sweatshirt. She quietly began to unzip the tent, making sure that the coast was clear before she went outside.

“Stein, wait.” She heard the rustle of the sleeping bag as Drake got up and walked over to her. Drake turned her towards him and kissed her passionately. “Just something to keep you warm as you walk back to your tent.”

“See ya in a bit, Walker.” Carissa smirked at him, biting her bottom lip as she turned around and left his tent. As soon as Carissa was back in her own tent, she shrieked into her pillow, ecstatic that she finally got to spend an entire night in Drake’s arms. She already felt excitement for the next time she would have an opportunity to share a night with him.

[smolfangirl]

Lost Then Found

Chapter 6: Love me or leave me

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5

So, this is it, the end. The final chapter of LTF. I spent a lof of time on it, making sure it is perfect and something I am incredibly proud of and in the way it somehow ended up being 6.3k words long. (Whoops.) I want to thank @sky-girls for being always there for me and for helping me more times than I could possibly remember. This chapter is for you, muffin! (Also I hope you will still talk to me after the ending)

“Solo espero no sea tarde para seguir al corazón.”

“Simón, hurry up, I need to talk to you!”

Luna banged against the door. Her knuckles were turning white, but she didn’t care. Open, open, open, please, I need you. She repeated it like a mantra, whispered those words to herself until the fire in her lungs slowly burned out. The mantra kept her from crying. From shattering and losing it. She had been too close to the edge for more than two hours now. Since Matteo left her alone on the rink, a million thoughts raced through her head. Open questions. Explanations for what had happened right there. Scenarios of a future she didn’t want. So many feelings as well. Too many. It was a mess, she was a mess. In no way could she bear this on her own any longer. Open, please.

Finally, her best friend showed up behind the door. He wore his favorite beanie on his hair and a grin on his lips: “Luna, hey! What a surprise!”

“Are you alone?” To her own surprise, her voice sounded much stronger than she felt. “Yeah”, Simón answered, “Pedro’s out with Delfi and Nico went to town. Hopefully to get a new haircut.” He got suspicious when Luna didn’t even raise an eyebrow at his joke. “Are you alright?”

She shook her head. Her feet lead her to the couch where she fell face down into the cushions. Simón watched her speechless. “I think I screwed up”, she bawled after a minute of silence.

Now he remembered. “Oh, yeah. That. Well, figuring from how loud you argued, I kinda assumed that.” Immediately, he caught all of her attention. “Wait, what? You mean you… you heard it?” A grin slipped on his face. He knew it shouldn’t amuse him, so he tried to hold it back: “I think the whole Jam&Roller heard it. I mean, you really gave him a lecture there. We were pretty surprised you could turn into a volcano.”

Luna groaned and pressed her face deeper into the pillow. “It’s not funny!” She didn’t feel like a volcano. If anything, she was both the lava and the people buried underneath. “Hey, I’m sorry. But seriously, what made you go off like that? Though I’m not saying he didn’t deserve it.”

“I don’t know”, Luna sighed. “I don’t know anything except that I need your help. Simón, please, I’m not joking, I wasn’t this confused about the whole Sol thing and it’s not right, I… I wish I could understand but I don’t know what to do next or even how to ever look at him again.” Patting her shoulder, her best friend cowered in front of her. “Okay, I will help you, but you should relax a bit first. Take a deep breath. Yes, and another one.”

It worked.

Well, until Matteo’s face appeared in front of her and reminded her of the hurt written all over his face. His lost smile. The missing spark in his eyes. His words. I did miss you. I still do. And I will. Her chest tightened all over again.  

“Eh, what do you mean?”, Simón continued, “You don’t know how to look at him again? What did he do?” Luna lifted her head. Seeing the tears in her eyes, he gasped. “What did I miss? What did you do?” A small sob escaped her mouth. “I, I might have been wrong all the time and there’s a chance he didn’t deserve me yelling at him?”

“Wait, what?” He struggled to process this new information. After all, it was Matteo’s fault that Luna had been a shadow of herself over the last twelve months. He had noticed how she tried to cover up, to act as if everything was perfectly fine. Normal. But the light in her eyes undeniably used to shine brighter. Luna had every right to lash out at Balsano. So why did she regret it now? Why didn’t it relieve but hurt her more? He couldn’t imagine.

The shrilling sound of the bell interrupted them. First, Simón ignored it. After it rang for a second and a painful long third time he got up. Luna felt grateful for the time to think of an explanation. One that went beyond “He said he cared for me and I’m still mad but I also want to run into his arms”. She didn’t find one. But by the time she looked up again, she found Ámbar. Next to Simón, with his arm casually wrapped around her shoulder. She imagined Matteo holding her close like that. No, let it go. “Hi Lunita!”

“Hey, what are…”

“Why were you late today?”

It took Luna a second to recall Ámbar didn’t mean to be harsh. Anymore. “I was working on my biology assignment and somehow I had forgotten there was training today.” The blonde snorted. “Why am I not surprised this happened?” However, the smirk on her mouth gave her away. “Anyway, it’s not that important. What I’m more interested in, did you and Matteo at least talk when he picked you up? Or was that just screaming too?” Luna’s eyes widened, alarmed. It hadn’t been a joke. Everyone knew. She was so screwed.

Simón squeezed his girlfriend’s shoulder. “Come on, angel, lighten up. What’s this, an interrogation?” Ámbar rolled her eyes. “No, it’s not. But I just wanted to help and it’s unbelievable they apparently didn’t even take that chance when it would have been just perfect. It’s getting too pathetic to watch.” Another eye roll when Simón and Luna simultaneously gave her a confused look. “What are you talking about?”, Luna inquired.

“Lunita, please. Why else do you think it was Matteo who picked you up? I could have just called Tino and tell him to drive you. But no, instead I was trying to be helpful for once.” On a rational level, Luna understood Ámbar meant well. How could she know all hope was lost for Matteo and her? Still: “But why? Why would that help? In which way?”

“Luna’s right”, Simón argued. “And it’s not on us, if they wanted to talk, they would have already. And when Luna doesn’t want to, you shouldn’t put her into a situation like that.”

His girlfriend groaned. “Seriously, I don’t get it. You are both unhappy. Miserable, even. What’s the point? Do you think we don’t see it? Why do you both keep pretending otherwise? Even Tamara figured it out!” She sighed: “All I’m saying is, you should talk to him. Talk, not scream. Let him explain. He’s not a bad guy. But okay, in the end, you do you, I won’t interfere again. You two are too complicated anyway.”

“Can we please not talk about him? Or today in general?”, Luna stammered. She sat up, rubbing her neck. This wasn’t going the way she wanted to. Needed it to. She had come here to pour her heart out and get back on her feet, not to start another fight.

Technically, she still wanted to talk about Matteo, about the storm inside her. And if she should give him another chance. If he could be trusted with her heart. But Ámbar’s words hit every open wound and it hurt too much. Luna wasn’t ready to hear this truth yet, to believe it. So, she preferred to push it aside.

Before the silence settled in the room, Simón jumped in: “Well, then why don’t we forget that and watch a movie?” Luna nodded, while Ámbar agreed with her eyebrow still raised.

Soon, Simón and Ámbar snuggled on the couch while the opening scene began. Luna tried to not allow the jealousy creep into her veins. Her friends were happy, so she should be too, right? And if not, at least she should be able to focus on the movie.

Yet, her mind played a film of its own. Memories flooded her head. Some tasted bitter, like the one on the rink when he laughed at her. Maybe about her. Or when he switched teams again to avoid trouble with Ámbar.

Most of them felt like a bubble bath in happiness, however. His hugs. Every time he offered his help right when she needed it the most. Discovering the wings under her feet when he taught her a new step or lift. The butterflies in her stomach that woke up with his smile. Him, constantly making sure she was okay and happy.

Why did it had to end? They could have made it. That’s what she believed anyway until he exchanged her for the Italian sun and her sky missed the stars she used to see around him.

And now he suddenly talked about missing her, about wanting to give her the explanation she so desperately craved. She remembered Ámbar’s words. They were miserable, yes, or she definitely was. Matteo looked the part. Luna gave in and imagined what could happen if she got a reason. An apology, even. If there was a meaning behind her pain, what would change? Everything? Nothing?

These questions kept her mind busy. She left the apartment without knowing as much as the title of the film they had seen.

She needed to learn to move on.

The realization hit her late at night, after she crawled under her blanket and hugged her pillow tight. This crying and being mad and avoiding him had to come to an end. The searching and hoping for a way to turn things around too. She deserved closure, she deserved peace. If she got through the whole drama of being Sol Benson, then she could move on from a boy who made no sense. Right? And what did she had to lose by now anyway? How much worse could it get?

Maybe Ámbar had a point and letting Matteo explain was the right thing to do. Maybe she should give him that chance. Not for him. But for herself. Pushing her blanket away, Luna grabbed her phone. At last, she knew what to do.

Can we talk tomorrow? It’s important, she typed. She read through it, but decided to leave the details for the morning. Her fingers were only shaking slightly when she hit send.

Luna found him sitting in one of the chairs. Throughout the whole school day she had been unable to focus on the classes, fidgeting even more than usual and reliving the fight with Matteo. Hopefully, this would be over soon.

“Hey, thank you so much for taking the time!”

“Come on, you know I always have enough time for my best friend!”, Simón laughed. His eyes scanned her, which she noticed, of course. But she had nothing to hide anymore. Her smile was real, just like the determination she found behind the lump of nervousness in her throat.

“So, what’s this super important thing you need to talk about? Is it about the competition?”

“Well, no, actually it’s not. It’s about Matteo”, she began. Simón frowned. “So, I thought a lot about what Ámbar said yesterday. She knows him for so long, right? If she says I should talk to him, maybe it’s really time I do. I think I want to too.”

Her best friend shrugged, then chuckled. It sounded nervous, not quite convinced. “Then why don’t you just do it? The Luna I know can do everything she wants.” His smile turned softer and for a moment, Luna truly believed she could make it right this time.

Then she sighed. “I don’t know how to talk to him when he will avoid me even more than before.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Simón fidgeted with the menu card. Confused, she nodded. “I’ve been thinking about yesterday too, about what you told him. Luna, why didn’t you tell me how you felt? We’re best friends, you can always come talk to me if that’s what you need.”

“I’m sorry, Simón. It’s not that I didn’t want to, but, well, I couldn’t. I didn’t plan to say all of this, I didn’t even know that this was inside me. And at some point after he left, I just didn’t want you to worry and there was this whole Sol thing, and what could you have done anyway?”

There was still a frown on his face. “Look, I was just as surprised as you yesterday, but I’m glad I let it out. I had to. But what I really need now, from you, is your help to talk to him. Will you? Help me, I mean?”

Now he eased up. “Yeah. Everything that makes you happy, you know that.”

“Thank you!”

The next day, Luna felt more nervous than ever to go to the Jam&Roller. Her phone in her hands, she walked as fast as her feet carried her. (She felt it in her legs, how her muscles urged her to slow down and moaned because she ignored it) Two more streets, and her breath run short. Simón hadn’t texted her yet, and if he wasn’t texting her, it meant he was busy and talking to Matteo. Hopefully.

Only one more intersection and she’d know. But of course, the red light stopped her and while Luna caught her breath, she considered running over the street. This traffic light usually took ages to jump to green, she didn’t have that time. And there wasn’t any car around. Should she do it?

Luckily, she didn’t need to decide. Within seconds after the green light had mercy and signaled her to run, she stepped into the bar, her heart pounding loud and wild.

Simón wasn’t behind the counter, which looked promising to her as she didn’t see Matteo either. She dropped off her bag, and walked straight to the rink. Nothing but a small taste of doubt in her mouth now. Maybe they were at the lockers?

Again, no hint of the two. Only Pedro who greeted her cheerfully as usual. The worry reached her stomach and she felt unable to return Pedro’s smile. “Have you seen Simón? It’s super important”, she asked him, the words stumbling out of her mouth. “Well, fifteen minutes ago I saw him talking to Matteo by the stage. Have you checked the wardrobe?”

Fifteen minutes ago, they hadn’t planned it like this. Luna prayed she wasn’t too late. “No, I haven’t, thank you!”, she yelled over her shoulder.

Indeed, she found Simón sitting in the wardrobe, lost in thought, strumming his guitar. “Simón! Why are you here? Where’s Matteo?” Startled, her best friend looked up. “Luna, I didn’t expect you so soon!”

“What? The whole plan was about me being here and seriously, where is Matteo? Don’t tell me he already left, please!”

Simón put his guitar aside. By the expression in his eyes, he planned something and Luna wondered if she wanted to know.

“He did. I tried, you need to believe me, but he was so eager to leave, I couldn’t stop him.” She groaned. “However, don’t worry, it won’t happen again”, he added without making her feel better.  “Of course it won’t, because he will keep running from me forever.”

“You give up too fast, Luna. He won’t be able to run from you. Well, not if I tell him I need him to switch shifts with Nico because of a totally made-up emergency. And the best part: he can’t say no since Tamara left me in charge while she’s away. So, give it two days and you’ll get your shot.” He leaned back with a smirk, looking pleased with himself. Luna took a sharp breath. Trying to get to talk to him today had already rubbed her the wrong way, but this? This was a whole new level, one she shouldn’t feel so comfortable stepping on.

“Do you think this is a good idea?”

“Totally, you’ll see, and who knows, in a week you won’t be thinking about him anymore.” The thought of forgetting Matteo failed to reassure her. But this wouldn’t stop her. Not this time, not when Simón had a point and gave her the one chance she needed to move on. Right?

In the end, it was her heart who betrayed her. Dancing in her chest, over these two days it started to whisper that Matteo missed her, for real, and that it wasn’t a dream but a fact. It fully dived into the memories, the craving and pining as if Luna had nothing to lose.

It reminded her of his birthday present as well. Specifically, of the part no one knew about. Not Simón, not Nina, not even her parents. Get it out, it whispered, you hid it long enough. Just take another look. And the memories weren’t alone: all the feelings she had very much tried to bury forever accompanied them.

Luna hated it. This wasn’t fair, at all. Being a teenager shouldn’t be this hard. Love neither.

Time didn’t pass. No matter how hard Luna kept track of it and stared at whatever clock was around, the two days stretched into an eternity. And eternity gave her a lot of possibilities to overthink. Was she ready for the truth and for moving on? Did she have to be ready? (She didn’t feel the part.)

Her friends weren’t any help either. Just mentioning Matteo’s name caused them to interrogate her until she felt like the main suspect in a major crime case until she considered hiding in the bathroom.

Then, she woke up to a text of Simón, “Today!”, and time passed way too quickly during classes. Before Luna settled on a final plan for this conversation, she found herself in front of the Jam&Roller. Okay, she told herself, reaching for the door handle, you can do this. Just wing it. It’ll be fine.

She discovered Simón behind the bar. “Luna, there you are!”, he grinned at her, “Are you ready? Matteo is on the rink, so you can go straight ahead.”

“Thank you”, Luna said and forced a smile, “I’m just gonna put my skates on first.” And something Matteo hopefully saw as a sign she didn’t want to hurt him. But there was no need to rub that in Simón’s face when he’d only be hurt that she kept this a secret from him too. “Then don’t stand around, go, go, go! Good luck!”

Indeed, Luna needed that luck.

Seeing Matteo was enough to cause her chest to tighten until she forgot how to breathe. The last time they’d seen each other popped up in her head like one of these ads on Youtube that you couldn’t skip. Though, if she was being honest with herself, he didn’t look as miserable anymore. Only an unfathomable smile was on his face, nothing that laid bare how he felt. Or maybe it was showing in the details, in things escaping her mind because she had forgotten how to read him.

The second he noticed her, his movements changed. The smile, no matter how real, faded. Matteo slowed down, then turned away from her to watch the other skaters more intensely than was believable. Sighing, she decided she needed more drastic measures to get his attention.

This situation called for solely one thing.

Slowly, Luna once skated around the rink. She waited for his gaze to get stuck on her. A second round, taking up speed. Now. She spun around, well aware she wouldn’t make it if she shifted her weight to her right foot.

The fall came quickly. Matteo however didn’t. He remained on his spot, staring and probably waiting for her to get up. She felt her cheeks heating up. Not that she had a real plan, but things obviously weren’t going well.

Nevertheless, she sent a smile in his direction. Visibly exhaling, he skated over. “Why did I know you’d show up today?” Her eyebrows twitched and she hesitated to answer. “What do you want?”, Matteo went on, “There’s no training for the competition, you know that.”

That’s it, she thought, there had to be a way to bring back the old Matteo, or at least a Matteo she knew how to talk to. One that reminded her of the person she used to be, too. “No comment because I fell? I believe that’s a first.” She got a snort instead of the smirk she aimed for. “Look, I have to work, so if you don’t mind…”

“No, wait!” Luna reached out her hand. “Please.” With every passing second, her heart beat faster. What if she came too late, if he believed every single word her anger had directed at him? If she never got to tell him that right now, she missed their old selves more than she wanted to stay mad. That she wanted to hug him, wanted him to call her chica delivery, to wink at her and convince her to dance with him.

Lastly, Matteo grabbed her hand. His radiated warmth and offered support bittersweet in its familiarity. She focused on that while he pulled her up. Looking in his eyes seemed impossible.

“You only mentioned the card”, he commented to her surprise. Following his gaze, her eyes fixed her laces. More specifically, the silver moon and the strawberry dangling from them next to each other. “What?”

“You never brought them up. Or had them on before. Why now?” At his stinging tone, her voice broke into nothing more than a whisper. “I wanted to talk to you.” Matteo nodded slowly, as if he weighed his every word. “I see”, he began when a girl interrupted them. “Sorry, but you’re the supervisor, right? Could you help me with something, please?”

Immediately, his mouth curled up for this girl, a regular. “Yeah, of course.” Over his shoulder he said to Luna: “You’ll excuse me for a minute.”

Undecided, she stayed on her place frozen like a statue. Did his words mean he’d come back? Or would he go back to ignoring her? Luna had no idea. Her whole world felt shaky and unsteady, all because she couldn’t tell whether he put on a mask for her or for the girl he was helping. How did he continue to be her fixpoint? Her rock.

She watched him. Right now, he explained how to keep the balance while skating on one foot. He made a good teacher, patiently showing and encouraging the girl until it worked. No cheekiness, just kind support, she saw that much from the distance. It shouldn’t surprise her that much, she had seen him like this before, only that it felt like a lifetime ago and it had always been aimed at her.

Now, the same friendliness didn’t last for her. “So, Luna, I have a question for you.”

Had she seriously hoped for anything else except his razor-sharp tone? “If you wanted to talk to me, what did your dear Simón had to do with it? Did you think I wouldn’t notice how he obviously tried to keep me from leaving, just around the time school finishes? Why else would he suddenly be nice to me and ask for my help with a song I couldn’t possibly care less about? And only two days after you yelled at me, possibly loud enough for everyone to hear it? I bet he still laughs about it and thinks I deserve it.”

Yeah, in no way would she tell him they all really knew about their fight. Rather, she went for: “This is not about Simón, Matteo. Please.”

“No, it’s not. But you know, if you wanted to talk to me again, you could have texted me. Ask me, not let beanie boy do all the work because it’s easier for you.” With every word out of his mouth, she shrunk in size. By all means, he was right. “Matteo, I’m sorry, I…”

“Don’t. Whatever it was you wanted to say, spit it out already. What do you want? What do you want to happen, what are you trying to achieve with”, he gestured to her skates and the ground, “All this?”

There wasn’t enough air in here to fill her lungs, especially not when the storm in his eyes took her breath away.

“I wanted a reason”, she stammered. “You said you cared but I still don’t understand why you simply disappeared from my life. Look, all I wanted was to move on and later remember this without having to wonder what happened.”

“Wanted?”, Matteo asked, an eyebrow raised before his expressions softened up slightly. Luna stared back, astounded at the power of a small word. “I… I mean… I still care about you. I tried not to. But I really, really do.” At this, suddenly his eyes lit up like a firework in the night sky. He coughed and looked away, trying to conceal it. Still, she recognized this trace of hope, because it spread in her too and gave her a fuzzy sensation in her guts.

“So, why did you never stay in touch?”

They sat on the bleachers while Matteo focused on the rink. Not that Luna would ever admit it, but she took the chance to study his face. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever laid her eyes on. Most likely forever. It struck her that whatever was about to come, she most likely didn’t expect it. And just maybe, she didn’t have to lose him. Maybe this wasn’t their end or the last time she could get lost in his perfection.

“This might take a while.”

Luna reached out for his arm, but held herself back before he noticed. She cleared her throat. “I have time.”

Matteo closed his eyes. Forgotten was the rink, his shift. All that mattered was Luna, to find the right words that kept his hopes for a second chance alive. “The day after we arrived in Italy, uh, my dad told me we probably wouldn’t come back for the school year. Well, I know I should have expected it, but I didn’t want to hear any of it. That’s when we had our first fight, over there I mean. I just refused to give up the hope to see you again, you know?”

His voice trembled, the words blurred and it was hard to understand everything. “I never wanted our kiss to be the end of something. So, I didn’t want him to mention this until their bosses made their final decision. And then… then they told me we’d stay. That I would finish school there, and likely study too, or go to Oxford. Those were my options. It was right after the first Open, you know, the one Tamara streamed. I, I missed you. I missed you so much. I wanted to see you, hear your voice but there you didn’t perform while my parents basically told me I’d never get to go back and should let this fantasy go.”

Luna remembered the Open, how she regretted not performing when she learned about the one person who had streamed it from Italy. It truly had been him, of course, and of course he didn’t get to see the one time she sang for him.

“My first impulse was to call you. I had to tell you, but no matter how long I sat in front of my phone and opened your contact, I couldn’t do it. I knew it would be the right thing to do and yet, I… my head always found a reason not to do it. It was stupid, I realized that now, the most stupid thing I’ve ever done.”

Matteo paused. Let out a sigh. So much weight seemed to escape his body with it, Luna wondered how he had managed to walk upright before. “And then?”, she asked in a husky voice. “Did you just… decide that not talking to me at all was better? But then why did you send me something for my birthday then? That makes no sense to me. Wait, look, I want to get it, but right now, I feel there are more question marks in my head than before.”

Something about her words shattered him back into pieces. She saw it without understanding why tears sparkled in his eyes or why his whole body was made up of misery.

“I didn’t decide anything. My dad did. He’s, eh, let’s say, quite controlling. He told me I was acting out of my mind, and I was, of course I was. I felt so lost without you, but when he learned about you, he tried to reign me back in. Like I was a dog who didn’t listen and just needed some more training to behave.” A snort, one heartbeat of silence. Another one. “Actually, it’s not like I didn’t expect it. Although usually he was distant, more of a teacher than a father. But this time, he suddenly cared. Or at least compared to like all my life. And… since I honestly believed I’d never see you again but instead could have a decent relationship with my parents, finally, I…”, another break. “This sounds even shittier when I say it out loud.”

His fingers moved restlessly around, through his hair, along the seam of his shirt, rubbing his neck. Never stopping. “I’m sorry, Luna, I made so many mistakes, you have every right to be mad…”, she stopped him. “I want this to be over.”

He stared at her with eyes wide opened. Even though silence settled between them, Luna swore she heard his heart break.

“No, no, not like that!”, she hurried to add. Before her brain stopped her, her hand searched for his. Equally surprised as she was, Matteo held in a breath. Confusion was written all over his face. Luna tried to say something, anything, however touching him burned out every single thought in her head.

It took her some moments to find her voice. “What I’m trying to say is, I want us to be able to talk normally again. Like before. I don’t care if what you have to tell me sounds shitty. I said I wanted to understand, and I won’t run away. I promise. And I don’t want to stay mad at you. Anymore.”

“What?”

In another situation, she would have laughed at his shocked face. Now, she let her thumb draw lazy circles on his skin. “I’m done being mad at you”, she repeated. A smile as bright as a thousand stars broke free on his lips. It blinded her, consumed everything else around them like a black hole. She wanted to see this smile every day of her life.

“You know, you’re always in my head, everywhere I am”, he confessed, more radiant than the sun itself. “Everything that you said before sounded as if my only goal during the last year was to make you suffer and I know it’s hard to believe it but I never wanted to hurt you. I believed I was doing what was best for you, to allow you to move on. It took me weeks to buy these pendants. Every time I passed this shop window, I thought about getting them for you. But I also hoped you had forgotten me by then, because it meant you didn’t suffer like me. That’s why I always walked past them in the end.”

Focusing on his words got harder when he pulled his hand away. She hated how she ached to feel more of him, whether by holding his hand or being in his arms and doing all the things she definitely needed to stop thinking about. “And then my parents left town for a few days and I found myself in front of the shop again. I figured it was now or never, that you could still get them in time without my dad ever knowing I lied when I told him I had forgotten you completely. So, I bought them. I let them change them so you could wear them on your laces and went straight to the post office, wrote the card there and sent it off. But the next day, I already realized it was contradicting and wrong and I knew I’d never have the courage to ask Gastón how you reacted.”

“He couldn’t have answered that question anyway. I never told anyone about them”, Luna stated. “In fact, until yesterday, I kept them in my drawer right at the back so I didn’t have to see them.”

“Why?”, he inquired, biting his tongue. She shifted on her seat, unconsciously ending up closer to him. Her fingers fidgeted with her bracelets in order to keep her from reaching out to find his hand. “It hurt too much, thinking about you. And I didn’t want everyone else to worry about me again, especially when they just started to believe I was better.”

Matteo shook his head. “Luna, you can’t always think of everyone else first. Sometimes, what you want and need is more important.”

“Would you say the same thing if I told you you weren’t what I wanted?” His gaze laid down on her, firm and calm. It brought back the feeling she could read his every thought and emotion in his eyes. Hope spread out in her, racing through every cell and making her dizzy. “I would say your happiness is the most important thing. And I know I got in the way of it too often already, so… one word from you and I’ll leave you alone.”

That was it, that was the last strike it took to tear down the wall around her heart. Immediately, this hope forged a fire that turned every last bit of anger and resentment into ashes. “And let’s say, I wouldn’t want you to go. Why should I trust you now? How do I know you’re not leaving again because your dad makes you?” Matteo took her hand, studying their intertwined fingers before he answered. “After the last training, I talked to my parents. I figured I lost you for good, but I also realized they needed to know the truth. So, I told them I still only wanted to be with you and that it was wrong to pretend otherwise and that I didn’t care what they say.”

“How did that go?”, she blurted out. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t imagine talking to her parents like that. Or them to act like Matteo’s parents, for that matter. “Well, my dad got mad. Very mad, actually. It was nothing compared to when I decided to study physics and astronomy instead of sticking to his plans for me.” With the hand he wasn’t holding on to, she gently patted his arm.

“Why are you looking at me like that, chica delivery?”

Was it possible to have a heart attack because of a nickname?

“Are you and your dad okay now?” Matteo shrugged. “He’ll get over it at some point. But really, in the end, I don’t care anymore if they accept or even like my choice. That’s not what matters.” He smiled at her, all soft and warm and full of love. The chica delivery from a minute ago couldn’t hold up against it. If she hadn’t been sitting, who knew where her shaking knees would have taken her. “I love you, Luna. And I will stay.”

Maybe she should think this through. Tell him she needed some time to process everything, to decide on what was best for her.

But truth be told, her heart already chose him without a doubt. She knew living without him was possible, she had managed to get by like this. However, talking to him demonstrated that it wasn’t what she aimed for, a life without his smiles. His touch, his support. His love.

“Luna?”, Matteo pulled her back to reality, where she had left him waiting for an answer, “Will you give me a second chance?” She looked up. Hope glimmered in his eyes, along with an undeniable fear. Never had he been this vulnerable around her, perhaps around anyone.

“I mean I haven’t completely forgiven you”, she admitted. In response, his hand loosened its grip on hers. “I haven’t because it will take some time, but… I want to try this. Us. I, I like you very much too.”

Time stopped.

Suddenly, he embraced her waist and she sat right next to him, wrapped up in his arms. The world started spinning, faster than ever before. Luna closed her eyes. Like adding the last puzzle piece, her life felt complete again.

His lips found her forehead, murmuring “Thank you” before he gently pressed them on her skin. It took all her self-control to not kiss him right here, right now in front of the other skaters.

Somehow, they ended up in the wardrobe. The reason escaped her mind before the door closed behind them. Did he needed to get something out of here? All Luna remembered was walking hand in hand with him and that the smile on her face grew wider with every minute.

“Wait, was there any reason we’re here now?”, she asked. Matteo grinned, the signature chico fresa look, and turned around so he faced her. One hand reached out for her hair, brushed it back, then rested on her cheek. His other hand supported her waist, pulled her closer. Not close enough. She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Is it too early to ask if I can kiss you?”

“I don’t know, chico fresa, is it?”

It wasn’t. Of course. How could it be too early when all Luna had done for a year was to dream of these lips, this boy and being with him?

Matteo kissed her. Or she kissed him. It didn’t matter. Her mind turned quiet, but she heard her heart sing, even shouting in her chest. She had forgotten kissing Matteo meant a hurricane in her veins, meant being burned alive but enjoying every second of it. His thumb caressed her cheek and it drove her crazy, how he sent one wave of electricity after another through her body.

When they broke apart, Luna didn’t need to open her eyes to see him beaming with happiness. His voice sounded warm and just rough enough to make her knees tremble: “I think now I’m really home again.”

Thank you.

[molly-wanna-be-winchester-blog]

Mrs Winchester

Mrs Winchester: I'm Terra. There's nothing interesting about me. For instance I'm standing in side of the store looking at a bag of flour. "Crash!" Owww! What was that! I opened my eyes to find a good looking man on top of me." Hello, will you marry me?" "Excuse me?" Did he just ask me to marry him? "Ahh come on" he grabbed my arm and drug me out of the store. A much taller man was waiting in the car as I was pushed in to the car. Now typically a person might be afraid of the fact I have technically just been kidnaped but like I said nothing ever happens to me. "How did he get you to say yes?!" "He didn't he drug me out of the store" " Dean!!! You can't just kidnap her!" "Actually he can I live by myself and kinda a loner the only person I really know is Bobby singer" they both looked at me weird." Can we go to my place so I can get my stuff and my car?" "Uh...yeah where you live?" I gave them my address. We pulled up into my small apartment. I unlocked my door to be met with my Great Dane." Hey buddy!!!" "You have a dog?" "Yup!" I walked to my bed room grabbing my duffel bag and slung it over my shoulder. I put a leash on my dog as I grabbed my car keys. " I'm ready!" "So are you saying yes?" " why not your hot and there's nothing here for me so.." I followed the man I was suppose to marry to a gas station. I let my dog get out of the car and stretch his long legs . A young woman walked up and petted him," how old is he?""Appolo is now a year and a half" Dean scoffed. "You got a big boy don't you?" She said more to the dog then me."well follow us " I nodded as we got back in our cars. We turned off the main road and came up on a bunker? As we walked in Appolo looked just as confused."Men of letters" "yeah how did you know?"" My mom worked for the British men of letters" "well,we need to" Before sam finished we opened our eyes and I was in a wedding gown with Dean and Sam at the alter."you ready?" "Gabriel!?!" "Who else is worthy enough to walk you down the aisle?" I chuckled. Cas was the ' preacher'. I couldn't help but laugh. "Why are you laughing?" Cas was very confused." Oh no reason I just love my boys!" I was jerked from my thoughts as I heard Dean say, "I do." I repeated him and Cas cleared his throat as he said "you may now kiss the bride" Dean kissed me. Wow he's amazing! Sure I've kissed men before but wow just wow. "Dean pick her up bridal style" Dean did as he was told. We opened our eyes this time to be at the bunker. Dean smirked as he carried me across the threshold. He laid me down after getting my pj's. He kissed me once again." Good night, Mrs Winchester"" good night, honey" The next morning came to quickly. Sam was beating on our door." Guys, come on we got a case!" I pulled the blanket over my head." Go away Sammy the wife and I are on our honeymoon!"" Sorry but claire needs our help!"dean grumbled but turned over and kissed my shoulder." Come on babe, we foots get up!" "No!" I turned over. Appolo got up from the corner and licked my hand." Come on Appolo just another hour!"Appolo barked as he pulled the blanket off of me. "Why do people and dogs hate me?"" Come on!" Dean encouraged me. I nodded but didn't move. "You ok?" "Yeah just not a morning person just... give me a minute" He nodded "Can you do me a favor?" "Yeah what do you need?" " can you take Appolo out" Dean got up and Appolo followed. Ten minutes later Appolo came running in and jumped on the bed." Ow! Why are you so excited!?!" "It's raining!" Dean answered. I jumped out of bed and grabbed a flannel and a pair of jeans and of course my converse. I was dressed in three minutes." What the crap? How?" "My father was military so we grew up military" Dean looked at me crazy but Sam was back at our door." Let's go we are going to be late!" I grabbed my keys and got a duffle bag filled with varies weapons that I was most familiar with. Dean and Sam rode in the front as Appolo and I rode in the back. The song carry on my wayward son came on. I began to sing along as Dean smiled and turned up the radio. Sam rolled his eyes. The two of us sang the song together. Next was night moves. This time we got Sam to sing along." So classic rock classic car and classic girl I totally scored !" I chuckled from the back seat. We arrived at the house were Claire lived. Jody came out." What do we deserve this visit for boys?" "Claire called" "oh I wish you would have called to check in could have saved you the trip!" "Yeah well we are here to help!" Dinner rolled around and we all sat down and ate as Jody told us about what Claire was up to lately."can we talk about real life?" Alex said. "Ok let's get real, you and Henry set a date?""what?""for you guys to go up to Jodys cabin to screw yourselves silly""ok this seems like a family matter" dean said as we went to get up. "Sit,stay!" We all obeyed "I'm not going to tell you that your to young to have sex but don't expect a boy as much as I love Henry to come packing! Am I right?" She looked to dean and Sam. Neither answered. "I most definitely saw birth control pills In your bag." "Ok we're going there!" Dean shifted awkwardly in his chair. "Well if we can't talk about it we shouldn't be doing it!" "Ugh! I'm just trying to be prepared!" Alex said as she got up and ran to her bedroom"we need more potatoes!" Jody said getting up from the table. It ended up being a vampire. Claire went back to college. Jody thanked the boys and had a long conversation with Dean about how to treat me hand how not to treat me. I grew tiered and fell asleep in the back of the impala. We rolled up onto a hotel. Dean picked me up and carried me in to the room laying me on the bed. I registered that I should get up but I didn't want to. Dean slowly and carefully took my clothes off and slid one of his shirts onto me. It was really to big but who cares I was extremely tired and ready for bed. Dean went to leave but I grabbed his arm."im going to go to the bathroom and I'll be back in a minute ok?" I nodded. Once Dean laid down he pulled me against him. I snuggled down with him. I woke up a few hours later throwing up. I didn't even have enough time to lean over the bed. Sam rushed to get a wet towel and dean held my hair back. I had begun to dry heave. Once my stomach was emptied Dean grabbed the towel from Sam and washed me off. "Sam go get some clean blankets, towels, and pick up some aspirin and sprite soup oh and crackers please!" Sam nodded and left. Dean started taking of my clothes. He carried me to the bathroom and ran warm water in the tub . He then sat me in the tub and bathed me."Dean I want to brush my teeth!" "You can once we get you out of the tub" I nodded. I didn't have any energy and felt horrible .Dean helped me out and in to clean clothes. I brushed my teeth and was ready for bed once again. We laid down my head on Deans chest just listening to his breathing. I eventually matched his breathing and fell into a dreamless sleep. I woke up shortly later with one thought on my mind. Why had Dean married me? Dean wasn't in the bed when I woke up and I had to go pee really bad. I walked into the bathroom. The steam from the overly hot shower felt good. "Terra?" "Yeah it's me!" I called back. When I finished I went to leave but Dean grabbed my arm "come on" I slipped my shirt off and climbed in with Deans help. "Feel good?" "Mmmm yes" he washed my back, then my arms and finally my legs. "Dean, why did you marry me?" "Because I had a fairy ready to rip my throat out, but honestly this is the best thing to happen to me. I have never fallen in love with someone so quickly" He leaned in and kissed me. It was full of passion and love! Shortly after our shower, Sam came back to the hotel. "Hey how is our girl feeling" "Better" I respond. Sam smiled." You two are a cute couple" Dean chuckled and I smiled. (Time skip 2 years) Dean and I have been going strong. We live our life like most hunters. We do struggle and occasionally find each other very annoying but we always tread threw. "Momma!!" I heard my toddler giggle. "What's up chickadee!""daddy won't stop tickling me!!!" I thought for a moment. "I have an idea!" We grabbed a pan and filled it with whipped cream. "Daddy, come and get me!!" Dean came running threw and he face planted into the pan. My daughter giggled as her daddy licked his face clean. " oh that's it!" We ran threw the house and Sam came in just in time for us short girls to use him as a shield from the flying cool whip!"hehehe! Uncle Sammy been creamed!" Sam laughed at his niece! "Let's clean up!"

[truth-or-fact-blog]

Noah’s Ark - Truth or Fact?

There are a lot of people who still don't believe that the "Noah's Ark" story from The Bible is an historic event that actually really happened.  Even though I'm in the minority, I prefer saying "an" historic event as opposed to "a" historic event. The below chart demonstrates how usage of those two phrases has changed over the last 200 years, or so...

In case you're just now hearing about Noah's Ark for the first time, it was a big boat that protected a 600 year old guy named Noah, and his family, and two of every animal on the planet, from a "great" flood sent by God that covered the Earth about 4,000 years ago.

My dad first told me the story of Noah and the Ark when I was about...three, I think...I can't really remember that far back.  I know I was really young because I didn't really question anything back then, my brain was so small and just starting to think about things.  My dad said that God was mad at man because they weren't living the way God wanted them to, so he decided to kill everyone and start over.  But God liked Noah, so he didn't want to kill him, so God taught Noah how to build an Ark, which is basically just a big boat, so that Noah and the animals could float around and not drown until the water either...drained off somewhere, I guess...or evaporated.  

It all kinda made some sort of perverse sense to me, but years later I started thinking a little more about it, and a bunch of questions started coming into my mind.  When I was seven or eight, I asked my dad where he thought all that water went, and he said he didn't know.  I said: "I know you don't know, but where do you THINK it went?"  He said: "I don't."

The Ark boarding, circa 2,385 BC

According to the facts, the Ark was big enough so that two of every animal in the world could make the trip.  That didn't really mean much to me at three, but as I got older it became harder and harder for me to wrap my head around.  I can remember when I was about nine I thought: "Wait a minute.  There are nearly 1,000,000 species of insects on Earth.  It would take FOREVER to have someone go out and try to gather up all those insects."  And I wasn't even taking into account all the other animals!  I have trouble gathering up one frantic chicken.  Two would be a nightmare.  What about elephants?  How are you going to convince two of them to follow you back to the boat?  It defies all reason, but, somehow, Noah did it.

Although my folks kept telling me not to think about it too much, I couldn't help but be curious.  I wondered, for example, who Noah sent to Brazil to get the two yellow-banded poison dart frogs that must've made the trip, and what precautions they took against the frogs's defenses, because those frogs must've been pretty spooked when some guy wearing a robe and sandals snuck up and tried to grab them.

Dendrobates leucomelas

I wondered how many helpers Noah had, because no way he could've done this all by himself.  And how long did it take?  I remember thinking: "Damn, it must've taken centuries to capture, transport, feed, and clean up after all those friggin' animals."  And what about the animals that ate insects...or other animals!?  I guess they had to get more than two of every species...and somehow separate the ones that were meant to be eaten from the ones that were supposed to have babies.  

But the older I got, the more questions I had, and still have, even up until now. There's still a lot that I'm trying to understand.  For example...

God wanted two of every animal so they could reproduce, right?  That meant one male and one female, right?  Well, what if they didn't like each other?  How were you going to get them to have babies if they didn't even like each other?  What was Noah going to do to get them in the mood?  Would he just...put them in a room alone together, and then just walk out and close the door and hope they'd do it?  Maybe dim the lights a little so it would be more romantic in there?  Maybe Noah would put a...spoon...in front of...like, maybe he'd block the candle flame with a spoon to make it a little darker in there.  Or maybe Noah would somehow encourage cuddling, hoping that one thing would lead to another.  He might have told a...penguin...that she maybe wouldn't be so cold if she snuggled up against that other penguin in the room.  Nah, she probably heard that one before.

Or maybe there were some musical instruments on board, and Noah and some of his family members would play...romantic music, or something, to try to get the animals in the mood.  It kind of makes me uncomfortable to even think about that.  I could see Noah playing a...recorder or a...panpipe...playing slow music, kinda looking around uncomfortably at his...daughter, or cousin...who's playing like a...harp or a...zither, or something...and they're playing this slow romantic mood music looking around uncomfortably at each other while two ostriches are getting it on in the room.  

It might be windy outside, so the Ark's rocking back and forth a lot...and it makes the spoon...fall off of the candleholder and it gets really bright in there all of the sudden because the spoon's not blocking the candlelight anymore, so the ostriches stop what they're doing and look over at Noah, and they're really confused to see him playing music, and Noah stops playing and looks up surprised to see two confused ostriches staring at him, so he gets all embarrassed, because now the moods all screwed up so he just throws his panpipe on the floor and stomps out of there.

And how did they know for sure that they had one male and one female?  It's hard enough to tell whether or not any random cat is male or female, you have to look between their back legs to be sure.  But what if an animal didn't have back legs?  Like a snake.  I have no idea how to tell a male snake from a female snake, but Noah's animal gatherers apparently knew exactly what to look for.  I wonder if Noah's helpers had to go through some sort of training before being allowed to go out and start gathering animals?  Were they awarded some sort of certificate upon completion of a class of some kind?  This was a pretty important thing they were doing, assuring the survival of all the varieties of animals on Earth.  Like turtles.  That's a serious responsibility.  What if somebody messed up and got two males or two females of the same kind?  A species could've became extinct as a result of some lame animal gatherer's incompetence.  I hope that didn't happen.

FUN FACT: Did you know that Noah had a son named Shem?  Probably a name he picked up when he was in Tennessee collecting two white-tailed deer (whose descendants can now be found anywhere from Canada to as far south as Peru, or even Bolivia, which makes them one of the most widely distributed wild ungulates).

Odocoileus virginianus

I wonder about the quality of the veterinary care available at the time.  What would've happened if an animal got sick or injured during the walk back to the Ark?  Would everyone have to wait around until that animal was treated and deemed healthy enough to travel?  What if an animal died along the way?  I guess somebody would've had to go back and get a replacement animal.  How did they determine who would go back to get the replacement, and would the others continue on or wait for the search party to get back to make sure that nobody got lost?  How were those search parties formed?  Did they draw straws to see who'd have to go back to get the replacement animal, or did some people just volunteer to go?  Maybe Noah made those decisions.  Maybe word got back to Noah somehow, like by a carrier pigeon or...smoke signals, or something, that an animal had passed away in Zimbabwe and someone needed to go back and get another one.  I don't know how that worked.

To tell you the truth, there wasn't much about the story of Noah and the Ark that made any sense to me.  Not much at all.  Actually, none of it made any sense.  It just seemed like too much of a logistical nightmare.  

And then it hit me!  I realized that God could've probably just snapped his fingers and - "POOF" - all the animals would've appeared on the Ark.  

But that same part of my brain that wasn't sure about how you'd get at least 2,000,000 insects on a boat didn't quite understand about the finger snapping thing either, but I just let it go.  I figured this was one of those times when, as my mom would say, I was "thinking too much."

I finally came to the conclusion that God shouldn't have even bothered with the Ark in the first place.  If he created everything, why couldn't he just get rid of the stuff he already made and make something new?  Maybe he was second-guessing himself because he had already created something so unacceptable that he wanted to drown everyone, so maybe he didn't trust himself to try it again.  Too bad there weren't any technical advancements around back then, like cameras, or... computers, because then we'd have God on video, or in an email, explaining his thought processes in a little more detail.  I don't know.  I gave up trying to figure out God years ago.

What I DO know is, in spite of all the questions my brain keeps coming up with, I know that Noah got all those animals on the Ark somehow, and that's why we have animals with us here on Earth today.

The Ark unboarding, circa 2,384 BC

I know I didn't mention anything about dinosaurs, but neither did The Bible, so they must not have ever existed.  People talk about fossils, and how they're proof that the dinosaurs did exist, but I think fossils are overrated.

I have to go.

[leeshahatesyouu]

2:45am

Mood: why do I even exist? Dear tumblr; It's really fucking late and I can't sleep. Today (yesterday technically I guess) was for the most part pretty shitty. For the most part. My day started off with my mother telling me I was a burden for moving back into her house. But I don't understand this because I pay her money to be here and I go out pretty much every day. I'm never even 'home' I'm more semi nomadic if you will. Nevertheless that stung. I couldn't help my situation a month ago and I had nowhere else to go but here after the big move and such. So way to make me feel like more of a fuck up that was cool. And of course right after this I find out that my dad called up the ex asking him for the money he owes. Which like I get it yeah and I agree. My ex should have to pay for shit. He broke it off initially and I just decided I was done with the bullshit too. So it was mutual I guess. Anyway long story short he owes my parentals money and refuses to pay up. If he decided to be done then he owes what my parents put down for the wedding he ruined. I mean I didn't even try on a single dress so really does it even count? I'm just over it. I'm totally over him. I was over him before I even left he house that week. Spent every night depressed as fuck unable to move and the asshole wouldn't even touch me or look at me. Like I was a literal pile of shit. But I mean it makes sense knowing he was fucking around the whole time and I want no fucking part of that. I deserve better. I'm worth more than that. I refuse to sign my life away for some dickhead who can't keep his dick to one person. I'm over him and everything about him. The only part of this whole whirlwind I'm stuck on is how bad he fucked with me head the whole time. Like I don't even know who I am as a person anymore? I lost all sight of myself. I saw/still see myself as ugly and worthless and incapable of being loved. He would always make fun of everything I liked and constantly had to keep tabs on me. I couldn't even leave the house or have friends without his permission and that shit isn't fucking healthy at all. Hell my therapist met him ONCE and was like 'yeah this guy is a master manipulator and he's only capable of toxic relationships' which is kind of fucking insane and why the fuck did I stay and put up with that shit for as long as I did? I know I realized too late how awful he is. But I guess realizing shit late is better than just ignoring it and being trapped in a cage for the rest of my life. I'm free now. I'm just struggling to be me again. I don't know who I want to be now that those decisions are only up to me now. I just feel free. Like I can pick out what I want to wear and finally be a badass bitch like I know I am. But I currently feel like Bambi wobbly and shakily standing on my own. If I start walking too fast I know I'm going to fall right on my face. Hey as long as the outside world doesn't see me as Bambi I would say I'm fine. The world only sees the parts of you that you wish to show off. I just have to pick what I want the world to see now. Who am I? On my own? Can I even manage without having someone attached to my hip? I'm so codependent it's fucking insane. I've been making all the wrong life choices in the beginning. Like drinking myself under the table and partying until late into the night almost every night. But Thursday I went out and spilled an entire jack and coke DIRECTLY INTO my purse because apparently drunk me was like YAS LETS SAVE THIS FOR LATER. Great. Thanks for looking out for sober me. What a champ. Clearly horrible life choices. I know I need to change absolutely. Two drink limit from now on. That shit ain't cute and one of these days I'm going to end up killing myself trying to drive home and I don't want that to happen either. I'm self aware about that now. Although I do have to say I haven't gotten hungover at alllll in the last month partying which is a fucking kiss from the gods if I ever saw one. The other poor life choice I feel like I actually have more of a handle on lately. Thankfully. During the past two years with aforementioned ex I had only heard that I looked good three times. Just three. Which honestly is a huge issue for me because if I don't hear that my SO thinks I'm attractive then I start to believe that I'm ugly and unworthy of attention. Psychological bullshit but still true. Anyway in the beginning I had my fun with tinder and bumble because initially I wanted to see if anyone actually found me remotely attractive because why the fuck not. And let me tell you the confidence boosting fucking worked. I feel better about myself now than I had in a while. But of course with going on very casual dates for booze and free food (I'm not sorry. I still had fun. And I was always upfront about those intentions. I'm not a scumbag.) these casual dates still caught feeling after I had said that nothing was gonna happen. I'm positive I broke that kids heart and I feel awful about it. But I was upfront the whole time. I still feel guilty though. I hate hurting people. And at the same time in a really twisted fucked up kind of way I feel like I needed to hurt someone in order to feel better about my own situation? I'm just guessing for my subconscious reasoning I suppose. Doesn't make it any less shitty. I always feel like a tornado. I ruin everything I come in contact with. I don't mean to. I have good intentions I swear I do. I'm like that kid in kindergarten that finds a broken toy and tries to fix it but in the process the teacher comes over and assumes I broke it myself. All I do is try to help and nothing ever works out for me. In a sad way I've gotten used to the let down. But I really fucking hope that passes soon. I just want something to turn out okay for me for once. Universe if you're listening please please please make something work right in my life I'm getting desperate here. I've been hanging out with an old friend recently. Which is really nice don't get me wrong at all. But he's one of those friends I used to have a thing for way back when but it'll never ever happen in our current universe. For the first time I don't want him relationship wise and it's awesome. We can just chill and actually be friends now with no weird undertones of unspoken feelings. I'm glad to have him in my circle as a close friend. The tension only made things weird with us way back and I'm glad that tension doesn't exist anymore. Speaking of relationships and casual whatevers I think I'm finally ready to be consistent with someone. I don't want to jump into a relationship right away or anything. It's still soonish and I really want to take things slow this time around. But I'm ready to hang out with someone regularly with the potential for something serious a few months down the road. I just want to snuggle up together and get high and talk about the universe. I want to go on little adventures and be spontaneous. I want to take my time falling for the next one. I trip and stumble easy but next time I fall I want whoever to be really fucking ready to catch me. I want to enjoy every second of it and love so much harder than I ever have. I'm never dulling my sparkle for someone else again and whoever comes into my life next should know that. I want nothing but love and support and a healthy relationship this time. I'm ready. I got this. And of course I saved the best part of my day for last. My one little beacon of hope and anticipation honestly probably saved me today. So thank you. Seriously you have no idea. Trouble never felt so good. You make me feel fucking sexy and it's amazing. I can tell you're so down with getting weird and I love that. We have good conversations and such already and ugh. I really hope you think the same things of me. Maybe. Idk. I'm not a mind reader and I always jump to conclusions. I can tell we're on the same spacey wavelength and it's been a while since someone can vibe exactly in sync (n*sync lol) with me. I just wish you didn't fall asleep on me tonight in the middle of our conversation. But shit happens. You'll make it up to me I'm sure. I still can't wait to spend a day with you. Anyway. So yeah. That's my whole life story at the moment I guess. Just feeling kinda blah all the time and like I'm floating in the void. I'm really in need of saving. I need someone to have the confidence in me that I lack myself. My fingers are crossed for better tomorrows. The waves are still trying to pull me under and I can only keep my head out of the water so long. No matter how far down I go the water still gets in my lungs and makes me choke. Pretty soon I'll be under and drowning. But we all float on anyway. I didn't want to end this on such a shitty note. Ah fuck it. Nothing ends the way we expect it to in life either. Screw expectations. Love always; me