#kinda slept a lot and am still tired

[retiredcultistredux]

OH! Ptsst!! Hyness! Do you think the core may be reacting to your emotional state? The glow seemed to recede when you calmed down and started glowing again when you were startled!

Ester: "Now that's interesting..."

Hyness: "Y-You...weren't supposed to h-hear that..."

Ester: "Well too bad!! ...Hehe, I just got a funny idea..."

Uh oh.

[turtleblogatlast]

Things I make for myself when insomnia kicks in

Just a chart about what I wanna change up and keep consistent in my art - I mainly wanna draw Raph with a tail because he deserves one, it fits too well. Donnie gets a long tail too because I didn’t realize how dino-like he looks until I gave him one, and now it’s a must for me haha.

[stormyrainyday]

man am i having a day

[butnobodycame627]

feeling so blaghhhh

[jamil-s-wifey]

Hello :3 Can I get a long scenario with my dearest Jamil?

I really love him so much >///< so here is my scenario, I hope you can accept

Jamil got sick and has a fever. MC stayed beside him and nursed him for 3 days without blinking and finally he recovered. He started to remember her care during his illness after his fever dropped. And when he woke up, MC hugged him tightly. A bit long, huh? 😅 I would be happy with little NSFW, not gonna lie.

Well hello there, fellow Jamil enthusiast~ It has certainly been a hot minute, hasn't it? It is my utmost pleasure to present you with the *long-awaited* scenario at hand! A bit of NSFW, some heart-warming fluff and Jamil finally getting a GODDAMN break, coming right up! It's not full on NSFW, just a lil bit, as requested, I don't know why it turned out like that- still, I hope this is good! (Tbh, it fits the scenario)

P.S. This hit close to home, I used to be a very sickly child and I still catch all sorta sicknesses a lot easier than normal people. So, what he will experience here is all based on very PERSONAL and very SALTY experience. 🙃

"What am I gonna do with you? You can't keep pushing yourself so much!" You murmured, pressing a cold cloth to Jamil's forehead as he slept soundly.

.......

Jamil hated being sick. Pretty normal right? Everybody hates being sick.

But to Jamil, sickness meant pushing through and continuing with his chores, regardless of his wellbeing. Imagine cooking above a hot stove with a high temperature. Can't be pleasant, can it?

But even the hardest stones could crack under enough force - such is the way the world works. It was towards the end of the day, as Jamil was preparing Kalim's dinner, when he felt his body give out under him. All day he'd been going around with a fever, he felt as if his own body was rotting on the inside, screaming at him to stop and have a break. His eyes were watery and felt as though they were burning in his eye sockets.

He couldn't even reach a chair to sit, before his knees buckled and he fell to the floor - too dizzy and too weak. Rarely did he ever get this sick, but this time it was bad. He moved to a more comfortable position and remained like that, trying to gather enough strength to get some medicine..... He most certainly didn't realise he'd fallen asleep, too tired to move, nor did he hear Kalim's worried voice when he found him on the floor in the kitchen.

And Kalim? Kalim was terrified! Quickly he called on his dorm members to move him to his room and immediately called you, crying on the phone, worried that Jamil might never wake up. (That's not how colds work, Kalim-) Worried about Jamil, you immediately rushed to the Scarabia dorm, medicine in hand.

_____________

And now here you are, in the present, taking extensive care of your near delirious not-quite-boyfriend-but-kinda-love-interest. He'd occasionally wake up and exchange barely audible pleasantries with you, drink his "extra healthy and full of good stuff" chicken soup (whatever that was supposed to entail) and then fall back into slumber. His fever has gone down drastically, but the utter exhaustion left in its wake has kept him bedridden. Apparently it was a seasonal fever, which just so happened to hit Jamil, who in turn chose to ignore it in the beginning.

You'd taken the liberty to remain situated in his room for about three days.

Day one was the worst - high fever, clattering teeth and a sleepless night to boot. You'd change his shirt every time he'd drench it in sweat whilst fighting off the fever. You'd switch up the cloth every time it lost its cooling effect, you'd remained by his side the entire time, least he needed something anything at all.

"Once you get better, I'm so gonna yell at you for not taking better care of yourself.... You're lucky I love you." You'd mumbled, barely audible in the quiet of the room as he slept.

Day two was better - he slept through most of it and you could in turn prepare some soup, as well as cover most of his chores, get a pass from the teachers AND even leave him some of your notes for when he recovers. (Look at you go! He'd better propose imo)

Now, on day three he was evidently much healthier. Finally he gave up trying to get out of bed, and instead lay resting, drinking his medicine, feeling utterly pampered by you.

_____________

"How long have you...been here?" You seemed pretty tired in his eyes. The moment you heard his voice you immediately threw yourself gently on him, gently crushing his bones in a hug.

"A while." You responded, face buried in his chest. In reality, you hadn't had a proper night of sleep in about 3 days. You DID sleep, Kalim even prepared a guest bedroom, but you chose to remain next to Jamil for most of the time. "Do you know how worried I was?"

"You didn't have to do all this, you know? You could've get sick too."

"I could've, but I haven't. For somebody with such a keen eye and monstrous deliberation, you really don't know how to take care of yourself properly." You quipped back, moving to sit on the bed next to him.

"As, so I'm being reprimanded now." His gaze softened. "Thank you....for taking care of me these last few days... I've forgotten what it's like to not have to worry or do anything... I feel like I've slept a lifetime... I don't know how I could possibly return the favour."

You can't stay mad at him. He knows it, you know it. Hell, even the Great Seven know it.

"Return it by recovering completely."

He chose not to continue the conversation. He knew arguing was pointless.

"You know, while I was sleeping, or trying to, I was mostly aware of what was happening around me." He began, pushing himself up, in a sitting position. "When you'd quietly hum to yourself, or cuss when you couldn't find something..."

"Ah- well, did you now? Sorry if you had a difficult time falling asleep because of me. " you felt your cheeks warm up a bit.

"No no, please. It's fine. You've taken such good care of me. I just... couldn't help but hear something, which perhaps I wasn't meant to."

He reached out, tangling his hand in your hair.

"Something about you loving me?"

...

Nope, all that heat in your cheeks? Gone. Now it was just coldness and dread.

He saw your frazzled state and chuckled. "I guess I'm really lucky, to have you to take *such* good care of me, huh."

He leaned in, but stopped just centimetres away.

"I shouldn't."

You heart dropped even lower, if that was even possible.

"I could get you sick.~" There was a lilt to his voice, but his eyes showed concern.

"Oh, for fuck's sake-" you leaned in, smashing your lips onto his. He smiled into the kiss, pulling you towards him.

Naturally, you moved to sit in his lap, his hands moving to your waist.

"Your feelings are returned, for the record." He mumbled in between heated kisses. The more heated the kisses became, the more his hands would wander until-

In the blink of an eye, he flipped you over, so that you were underneath him. Skillfully he unbuttoned the first few buttons of your uniform, revealing more of your neck and collarbones. "I think I have a way of returning the favour. You took such good care of me, I think it's my turn~"

His attention moved to your neck, leaving heated languid kisses and playful bites on your skin. His hand trailed down to spread your legs, moving between them. Every single touch of his was intoxicating. Pretty quickly your shirt was thrown on the floor, the supple flesh underneath - covered in hickeys.

"Are you not going to undress as well? Or should I do that for you?" you asked, breathless, yet teasing in manner. Well. As teasing as one could get, given how achingly turned on you were. "Like you didn't have more than enough time to appreciate the view, during these last few days." he teased right back, but his hands moved to grip the hem of his t-shirt, pulling it over his head.

"I've wanted to do this for a long time." He practically purred, fingers gliding over your stomach, gently trailing lower and lower.

"Of course, you can tell me to stop anytime."

"I don't want you to."

"As you wish, my dear. Then I'll make sure to indulge, taking, tasting, touching every single part of you. "

[quietplantlys]

Hello! I've been searching VERYWHERE for a new Harry Hook x reader fanfic and I can't seem to find one that I haven't seen already :')

I was wondering if you could write a Harry Hook x Daughter of the queen of hearts! Reader (who is also in a band btw...Just because) where reader is struggling with everything basically...managing her studying, her band, her time basically and especially trying to learn how to use her cards (similar to the cards that the Queen of Hearts uses in D4) and shes just tired and Harry cuddles with her and comforts her??

Ik this might be a lot so you can take out or add certain elements to your liking! No pressure and I hope to see more from you :3

Stress - HARRY HOOK

Pairings: Harry Hook x Hearts! Reader

Genre: Kinda angst with comfort! fluffy.

Warnings: This is romantic so I hope that's okay!! Fem reader!

Note: Ahh thank you for requesting means a lot! I didn't really know what to do with her being in a band but it is mentioned. hope you like this! It's my second request so I hope you enjoy it.

Everything is stressful. Trying to balance studying, your band, and trying to learn and practice your cards.

You have been practicing with your cards, but no progress has been made. because school tests are coming up. And your band is something you also had to practice, for which you're trying to find time to smuggle it in.

You've been trying to do multiple things at once, and you haven't realized that you're burnt out.

Trying to stay awake during the last class of the day was hard. Luckily for you, you now have more homework. which now means you can't practice for anything, not your band or your cards.

Once you are in your dorm, you put all your homework on the table and in your head, trying to decide if you should just practice your cards or just practice for your band.

After a while of just staring off and trying to keep your eyes open, you decided to work on homework.

20 minutes later, you're still working on your homework. And after a couple more minutes, you hear a knock on the door. You turned your head slowly and began to stand up from your chair. and started walking over to the door.

Once you reached the door, you opened it to see your boyfriend standing at the door. "Oh, hi Harry, how are you?" you asked with a tired voice.

"I'm alright, love. You look pretty tired. Have you slept?" Harry asked with some concern in his voice. "Don't worry about me, I'm just super busy. I have to finish my homework, then practice for my band, then practice my cards." You said it quickly, trying to explain yourself.

"Okay, I think it's time for a break," Harry said, coming into the room and shutting the door behind him. He grabbed your hand and guided you to your bed.

"Wait, I have to finish my homework, then Pract-" You began saying this before he cut you off. "You can finish that later; besides, that's not due until Friday. And your band doesn't play till next month."

He sits you on the bed after moving some blankets down. "Lay down," he tells you, and you listen, not wanting to argue since you feel your eyes dropping.

He sighs, watching you fall asleep, and puts the blankets over you. He begins to say softly, hoping not to wake you, "I just wish you didn't overwork yourself."

He watches you softly snore and then shuts off your light on the nightstand. Once he turns it off, he begins walking to the bathroom to change into sweatpants and no shirt.

Once he finishes, he shuts the bathroom light off, walks over to your bed, and lays down next to you. You shift to your side and wrap your arms around Harry's shoulders.

When your arms are wrapped around him, he holds a side of your waist, and he closes his eyes. And began to feel his eyes drifting off.

A/N: I hope this is good I'm writing literally all of these fanfics at 12-3 am. 😭 also if this is bad please only give kind feedback!!

[bouncybongfairy]

Woodstock 1999

Rick Sanchez x Fem Reader

Summary: After attending a house party, thrown by your friend Summer, you end up meeting Rick. While making small talk, you tell him about the Woodstock 99' documentary that you had just seen and that you wish you could have seen Korn from that festival. Rick is confident that you wouldn’t be able to handle yourself in a crowd like that. When you disagree, Rick tries to call your bluff. By taking you to an alternative reality where Woodstock 99 is taking place.

Word Count: 3k+

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

You were sweeping the floors, finishing up your shift at the grocery store you worked at. It was Thursday and the store had been relatively quiet for most of the night. Only a couple more customers were wandering the isles, picking up last-minute items.. You were pretty tired, this started as a summer job but you ended up keeping it throughout the school year. It was nice to have extra money for clothes and outings with your friends, it almost made up for how depleting work was. You heard the assistance bell ring from the register, which prompts you to run over. You were pleasantly surprised to see Summer and her mom, you share most of your classes with the redhead. She has actually spent the night at your house a couple of times and vice-versa. You give her a quick mom and start scanning her items. Her mom was going on and on about how all the bottles of wine were for a family event, you looked over at Summer who was rolling her eyes. You held back a chuckle and continued to make polite conversation with Beth. After you bagged their groceries, Beth walked back to the car but Summer stayed back to talk. 

“So obviously the family event thing was a lie but I am throwing a party tomorrow while my parents are doing this couple retreat thing. You should totally come,” Summer said. 

“Yeah that sounds really fun, did you already invite half the school?” you joked while wiping down the counter. 

“A lot of people are coming, yeah, but it’ll still be fun,” she said. 

“Yeah for sure, do you want me to bring anything?” you asked. 

“Just your hot ass and maybe a bottle would be cool. My mom is calling. I got to go but I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said while walking away. 

Normally a house party isn’t really your scene but you were feeling kinda excited. For the past two months, you’ve been in a bit of a funk. Only going to school and work, not feeling up to doing your make-up most days, and dressing pretty bummy. You felt like a good party would break you out of that. Summer and you had a lot of mutual friends so you knew you would have company no matter what. You checked out the last customer and locked the door behind them. You grabbed some stuff for your lunch tomorrow and two bottles of Red Berry Ciroc. The store was owned by an older gentleman who sadly had dementia, his 29-year-old son now runs the store. As long as you gave him an extra ten for each bottle you bought he would look the other way when it came to age. You took an Uber home and immediately got in the shower. Scrubbing all the sweat off your body and lathering your hair in shampoo as Molly Kate Kestne’s Prom Queen blasted through a speaker. You stayed in the hot water until you felt at risk of passing out. You give your mom a kiss on the cheek, wishing her a good night before going to your bedroom. After turning on Jersey Shore as background noise, you fall asleep in your towel; completely worn out by your school and work week. 

When you woke up, you were surprised that you slept through the night considering you didn’t get too comfortable before falling asleep. You were feeling extremely well-rested, it wasn’t until you were halfway done with your hair that you remembered about Summer’s party. You were super excited, you had this Saturday off which meant you didn’t have to worry about having a hangover. You throw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and start gathering things into your book bag. Once you got to school, you couldn’t stop counting down the hours until you could leave. It felt like years had gone by once it was finally time for lunch. You were sitting with a group of friends who were all talking about Summer’s party. Maybe it’s because you have a job but your friends seem a lot less mature over these past couple of months. It seemed like if it wasn’t posted or extremely extra then it didn’t happen. I don’t know, it just felt like they did everything for shock value or clout. You thought it was weird how upset they would get if they didn’t look good in a video of them taking a shot or not taking a picture with the blunt before it was smoked. Sometimes you wish you could record how they act during those times and show them later. You pick at your salad, tuning out of their conversation until the bell rings. 

Once the last period ended you bolted out of the front doors and made your way home. You flat ironed your hair and started applying a bit of makeup. Rummaging through your closet, you ended up wearing a tube top and a pair of baggy cargo jeans. You grabbed one of the biggest purses you could find grabbed a tee-shirt and wrapped the two vodka bottles in a way that avoids any clanking sound. Your pen, make-up bag, charger, and a couple of other items. You end up walking to Summer’s house seeing that it’s only a 20-minute walk. When you got there, the sun was just barely setting and teenagers were flocking to the house. The house was practically shaking due to how loud the music was. When you walked in you practically had to wave a cloud out of your face. Summer immediately noticed you when you walked in and came over to greet you. 

“Hey! Oh my gosh, I’m so glad you came!” Summer said. 

“Yeah me too, I needed this really bad. Also.. here are those bottles,” you said, taking the vodka out of your purse. 

“Wow, I didn’t think you were gonna bring anything. I’m gonna chill these,” she said, grabbing the bottles and leading you into the kitchen. When you walked in Rick was leaning against the countertop. She shoved the bottles deep into the freezer, in hopes of speeding up the process.

“If you can’t drink -burp- the liquor at room temperature you’re probably not mature enough to be drinking at all,” Rick said, taking a swig from his flask. 

“What if we just prefer it chilled? Just because you can doesn’t mean you shouldn’t” you point out. 

“Yeah, Grandpa and after I smoke I don’t like the way hot ass liquor feels on my throat,” Summer said, closing the fridge door. 

“Doesn’t matter whether your liquor is cold or hot, your party is gonna suck since you put a ban on any of my friends coming. Seems a little like bigotry in my opinion,” Rick said. 

Summer ignored him and led you to her bedroom where a girl from your school Tricia Lange was packing a bowl. You asked Summer if it was okay to leave the party unattended. She joked ‘That’s what Morty is for’ which made you and Tricia laugh. She offered you greens which flattered you, after cornering the bowl you handed it to Summer. Coming off a two-week tolerance break, the weed was hitting you fast and hard. You tilted your head up and blew the smoke up into the air. Tricia complimented you on how pretty you looked which made you blush because.. hello its Tricia Lange, one of the hottest girls in your grade. You guys were making small talk when Summer pulled out a pink crystal and started crushing it into a fine powder. 

“What is that?” you asked. 

“It’s a Kalaxian crystal, it’s pretty mild like snorting molly kinda,” Summer said, lining up the power. 

“I.. don’t know about that,” you said looking at the powder suspiciously. 

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about it showing up on a drug test or anything. It’s not detectable with Earth’s drug tests,” Tricia said, setting her hand on your shoulder. 

“No, well that’s good to know actually but imma need to see you take a bump before I do,” you said. 

“You humor me,” Summer said, using a hundred-dollar bill to snort the powder, her eyes turning a baby blue.

Summer passed the tray to Tricia who mimicked her action. Your heart was racing as her manicured hands passed the tray over to you. Not wanting to come off as a prude, you took the rolled-up bill into your hand and brought it up to your nose. You sniffed the powder into your nose and coughed a little because the taste was so foreign. The two girls lead you downstairs where the party is now packed and a bit unhinged. Couples making out against any available wall space they could find, groups of people who were surrounding a person smoking out of a gravity bong. Drugs by Lil Aaron was blaring out of several speakers, drowning out almost every other sound. The three of you were dancing together in the living room with several of your peers. You were feeling so euphoric and magical; like you could float off the ground if you really tried. It was then that Summer reminded you of the Ciroc bottles that were in the freezer. All three of you took a shot and cringed as it went down. Summer and Tricia left to go to the bathroom leaving you in the kitchen. You were pretty intoxicated at this point and started to wander. You end up in the garage, where Rick is sitting at his workstation. 

“Out!” he barked which caused you to jump and gasp due to how loud and aggressive he sounded, he didn’t even look up. 

“S-sorry I -which way..” you started but Rick got up and walked over to you. He grabbed your chin and tilted your head up. 

“I told Summer to stop giving K-Crystals to her little friends,” he said, seeing the effects from your eyes. You looked over a noticed he had a Woodstock 99’ ticket pinned onto his wall. 

“You -hiccup- went to Woodstock 99? You- you’re so lucky you got to see Korn from that crowd,” you slurred without breaking eye contact. He laughed and let go of your chin and walked back to his workstation. 

“Did you actually go?” you asked, walking over to him. 

“I thought I said to get out earlier,” he said. 

“I have selective hearing,” you said, picking up a screwdriver. 

“I’m lost, is that supposed to be my problem?” he said. 

“Well it -burp- if you really wanted it to be,” you giggled.

“Yeah as much of a catch as you are, I think I’ll pass,” he laughed.

“Oh please I bet I’d be the best pussy you’ve had in months,” you laugh but quickly change expressions as Rick stands up and towers over you. 

“Do you really think that you would be an unachievable fantasy to me? Like I’m some sad old stockbroker who has to rely on naivety to get laid? Don’t insult me,” Rick said, taking a sip of his flask without stepping away. 

“Your shirt -hiccup- looks so soft, imagine if we could have gone to Woodstock together. You’re so tall that I wouldn’t have to worry about guys reaching up and groping me and I would have the most amazing view of some of the coolest bands of all time,” you said, feeling your high slowly start to come down. He smirked at you before turning around locking the garage door and opening a portal, dragging you through it. 

“What- where are we going?” you asked confused, adjusting your eyes to the suddenly sunny skies. 

“To call your bluff. There’s no way you could last here, it was kinda a shit show if you didn’t know,” he said. 

“I know, I watched the documentary on Netflix,” you said very matter-of-factly. 

It took your eye a couple of minutes for them to adjust but once they did, you couldn’t deny you were a little taken back. There really was a lot of nudity and white-boy aggression. You hoped Rick didn’t notice, but every once in a while, you would look behind you to make sure he was nearby. The first thing you wanted to do was get to the airbrush body paint station. You wanted Korn written across your chest in black and pink. At this point, the high of the K-Crystals was completely worn off and all you wanted was a hit of something. It was then you realized you still had your purse, you blindly reached your hand in until you felt your hand hit the cold metal of the battery. Your mouth begins salivating as bring the cart to your lips and take a long drag, blowing it up in the air. You take a couple more drags and notice that the artist has stopped. When you looked down he was just looking up at you. He was probably in his early 30s and had a 90s haircut that was short and spiked with blonde tips.  Without breaking contact take another drag and exhale as you speak. 

“Sorry, did you want a hit?” you asked playfully, looking over at Rick who was smirking with his arms crossed, evaluating the situation. The guy airbrushing you looked up at Rick who started to speak. 

“You know you didn’t come across to me as one of those girls who have nipple piercings,” Rick said. 

“Yeah I know, they’re hot right?” you asked to adjust the one that didn’t have any paint on it yet; they were bars with a chain that supported a pink bedazzled saturn charm. 

“So uh, Maria is gonna finish up our piece cool?” he said, getting up before either of you could respond which caused both of you to chuckle. 

After you were finished up with the body painting tent you made your way to the main stage. Hundreds of teens and young adults were making their way to the exact same location. It was weird because even though you knew what was going to happen, you were still bubbling with anticipation. Rick laughed and mocked you because he knew you had seen exactly what happened and still bubbled with suspense and excitement. When you asked Rick if you could actually sit on his shoulders he didn’t say anything, only nodding in agreement. You were trying to pry about the first time he ever experienced this but he would always give you a bullshit excuse like he was too wasted to remember. As you walked, guys kept approaching you, trying hard to keep conversation. You tried to be polite and at least slow down as you respectfully deny their advance. You even stopped a couple of times but Rick would gently bump into you with his body from behind to keep you walking. Once you got into the crowd, Rick took the arm and pressed his body to your back. He started guiding and shaving his way through the front of the sea of people while having his arms raised, protecting you from the crowd. 

Normally if someone was being more polite it would have taken forever to make their way to the front. Rick however wasn’t sparing any feelings as he pushed and shoved. As you people watched, you couldn’t help but take in how different people were in the 90s. One of the biggest things that tripped you out was seeing how different the hair and make-up were of the girls around you. Super thin eyebrows, a thick eyeliner waterline with clumpy mascara. Your lashes were huge and your nails were so long, it felt like everyone was staring at you.  Most of the hair extensions were god-awful but you gave them a pass considering this was a festival. The cameras were so retro-looking and looked bulky on the crew’s shoulders. Rick pulled a plastic baggie of pink powder from his lab coat. You assumed these were the same crystals you smoked earlier so didn’t think twice when snorting your fair share. Only later to find out that it was actually Molly, normally you’d be freaking out but I mean… You were in an entirely different dimension. Seemed kinda late for that. Once the intro started, Rick bent down slightly allowing you to sit on his shoulders. You could feel the energy of the crowd growing. It was almost like your heartbeat was getting more intense as the music’s rhythm began picking up. 

A camera was coming closer to you, you blew it a kiss and then took a drag of your pen. It could have been because of the drugs but you felt like you were so high in the air, you could see the top of everyone’s head.; like you were a skyscraper. You were truly having the time of your life, it was nice being able to be carefree. Being able to get as wasted or naked as you wanted knowing you had someone to take care of you. You were gently running your fingers through his hair, tugging on it a little bit. You leaned down and whispered into the top of his head, 

“Thank you for taking me here, this is amazing,” you said. 

He didn’t reply, just ran his hands up and down your leg, starting at your knees and ending at your ankles. You were feeling accomplished that he didn’t get the chance to call your bluff as he put it. When Korn wasn’t playing you could barely hear yourself think over how loud the crowd was. You couldn’t tell if Rick was mad or just concentrating. After a while, you were getting overstimulated by everything going on around you. You asked Rick if you guys could head home, and he opens a portal directly underneath you guys, dropping the both of you back into a garage. You grab the extra tee shirt from your bag and throw it over your body. 

“Thanks, we should do it again sometime,” you said before exiting the garage to find summer.

[barcalover86]

Hai lovely! Please don’t ever apologise for taking more time to write requests!! Every piece of writing is exceptional and I can’t wait to read more!! 🫶🏻

The end of all - Pablo Gavi (headcanon)

| I kept this in my drafts and I want to thank you so much for your nice comment! This one is for you anon! Enjoy ♡

I am sitting now next to his tired body. I always found him so beautiful when he was sleeping.

In order to smile at the boy, I turn around, now my back facing him. It's 2 in the morning and my mind can't let me sleep, like the last few months. A sob escapes my mouth, hoping it wasn't too loud to wake up the one that was sleeping besides me.

'Last day of suffering, y/n' I was consequently repeating myself. 'Last night'.

All night I couldn't sleep and I was the only one to blame here. I had to do this weeks before.

Looking next to me, I see no one, as usual. Gavi went to training earlier again. I sighed, waking up from the bed to prepare some food for him when he will come back.

After hours, the footballer finally arrived home, now late than ever. I smile softly at him while he returns it.

"Hola" he said first, while giving me a short hug. "Wanna eat with me?"

"We need to have a talk, Pablo."

He looked confused, trying to remember if he had done something wrong. Which in a way, he didn't.

When he gave me those eyes, I wanted to hold him like nothing mattered. I was blaming myself for not doing that years ago.

"Are you ok?"

"Pablo, I love you." I said, but before he could reply with the same thing, I shouted him up. "No. No, Pablo."

He left the food from the table and came closer to me.

"What's wrong?"

"I would have done everything for you to keep loving me. I know you fell out of it for months."

Now, he wasn't saying anything anymore, looking down.

"I really wanted to be your special one, Pablo. I thought you were the special one for me and I'm so sorry that you couldn't find the strong to tell me that. It means that you are afraid of my reaction, and I get that. But, living this past months.. alone.. trying to make this relationship work. I can't do that alone. First I thought I could get you back to me, but then-"

"Y/n-"

"I'm not mad at you."

He looked at me with tears in his eyes. "If I could choose to love someone, it would be you. I don't know why I can't anymore-"

"And that's ok" I said, putting my hands on his cheeks, smiling softly.

I knew from the beginning that Gavi was a boy with a big heart. I couldn't be mad at someone who took care of me when I was sick. Who slept beside me when I was crying or scared. I knew he wanted to love me.

"But I respect you and want to find your true love."

"That's why I didn't tell you." he cried. "I want you to be the one"

I sighed. I wanted him to be the one too. I didn't say that though, I just went to him and hugged him. His arms immediately covered my waist.

"Thank you for everything." I lastly said.

He kissed my cheek.

"I'm sorry."

-----

After days, Gavi talked to the club, telling them to film him as little as possible, not wanting to be in the spot right now.

He would sleep a lot, thinking about what he did wrong.

He would keep the food you made for days until he was screamed at to throw it.

He would look at your photos while crying.

He would want to text you, but he knew it was a wrong decision.

Even if his love for you was over, it felt like something inside of him died. He felt like it was all his fault for letting you go.

He would eat less and perform a bit different. Not concentrating enough.

If someone asked about you, he would remain silent.

He would find a way to see you, missing you badly.

It would be a long time until he would find another girl, but he would still think about you from time to time.

This one is kinda weird gg

2nd Masterlist

[defilerwyrm]

May i ask how's the recovery process after gender affirming surgeries?

If you mean how's it going now: my last surgery was in 2022 so at this point I'm 100% healed up. I was SUPPOSED to get my implants in December 2023 but my insurance company has been fucking me over at every turn so that's still on hold.

If you mean how was it at the time:

Top surgery (2018) was pretty easy for me since I have a desk job. I stayed with family in town for the first 2 weeks, during which time I basically did nothing but sleep, wake up long enough to use the toilet, take a dry shower, eat something, take more pain meds, then go back to sleep. I had 4 weeks off work, so after that I was a little sore and still confined to button-down shirts because I couldn't raise my arms above shoulder level; then I went back to work and all was normal for the next month. But...

Because I am an unlucky son of a bitch, I had a rare complication: I developed a seroma that dehysced (i.e. a hole opened up along my suture line that leaked large amounts of greasy, bright orange fluid made up of lymph and blood), which was not painful at all but was absolutely disgusting and very alarming to experience—but not a medical emergency or anything, and was easily fixed with a revision surgery. I took another 2 (I think?) weeks off work and it's been fine ever since. The left side of my chest is a little funny but I don't really care, it was fully worth it. Please note that I did not have drains. If you have drains, you're even LESS likely to have this problem.

Hysterectomy (2019) was much the same: I slept through the first two weeks and spent the next 2 in a recliner with an ice pack on my lower belly, playing a lot of Stardew Valley and getting into Critical Role. I was lucky enough to live with a friend who loves cooking. I ate a lot of soup. The soreness wasn't that bad, but I have a policy of staying ahead of the pain by using timers for how often I should be taking them. The worst part of it was the pain meds, tbh, because I really don't like the way oxycodone makes me feel; at the same time, I'm grateful for that fact because it keeps me from forming a habit.

Phalloplasty etc (2021) was kinda rough to start. I had 3 months off work that time. Slept through the first 2 weeks as usual. But for the first 3 weeks total I had a suprapubic catheter in and man I fuckin' hate being cathed. I felt like I needed to pee at all times, even immediately after draining the cath bag. Awful. Learning to pee standing up was...let's just say I did a lot of laundry and cleaning, lol. This was made worse by the fact that I had two fistulae (holes that go through the urethra all the way to the outside)—like I said, I've got bad luck. One of them healed up all on its own, like most of them do. The other one required a revision 8 months later, which meant being cathed again for a while, SIGH. But back to post-op for phallo: I had physical therapy for my left arm to make sure I kept a good range of motion; I kept the graft bandaged with daily gentle cleanup, application of ointments, and rebandaging; and had to take dry showers for the first uhhhhh. 2 weeks at least, maybe 3 or 4? After I got the cath out, things were MUCH easier. I was just kinda vaguely tired and sore and spent most of my time lying down. My libido came back at the start of the 2nd month, which was frustrating af because it wasn't till the start of the 3rd month that I was healed up enough to do anything about it (but once I could, holy FUCK it was incredible).

[stevesbipanic]

Season 1 Steve meets season 4 steve

And boy does he have questions

This is weird. Steve was almost 100% sure he fell asleep at Eddie's last night. They'd gone to a bar with Robin and Nancy and he had crashed with Eddie which he'd done almost every night these days. So how did he end up in his room at his parents house?

He can hear someone downstairs, so maybe Steve had gotten confused and they'd gone to Steve's? Steve didn't think he'd been that drunk to forget that. Maybe Eddie was making him breakfast? That was sweet of him, with a smile he got out of bed and trudged downstairs to the kitchen.

"What the fuck!"

Steve had barely rubbed the sleep from his eyes before his eardrums were assaulted by a very familiar voice. Wait a minute, he can't possibly be hearing the voice.

He looks up and there in the kitchen, looking very alarmed and holding a knife, is him, at 16 years old.

"I shouldn't even be surprised at this point," Steve's grumbles as he moves past a very confused young Steve and pours himself some coffee.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"C'mon Steve you haven't had all those concussions yet, can't you recognise this pretty face?"

"You're me?"

"The one and only!"

"But but how!?"

Steve sighs, "Well what's today's date?"

"December 2nd 1983."

"Oh good so you've seen the crazy shit, that'll make this easier. Look stuff gets worse, a lot worse before it gets better, and either this is a brain bleed from all my concussions or another weird Upside Down thing, hell maybe you're Vecna back from the dead I don't know, Dustin probably would know,"

"Who's Dustin? Who's Vecna? You mean there's more of those fucking monsters around? Am I safe? Is Nance safe?"

"Oh right you're still with Nancy. Yeah yeah she's safe don't worry, well I assume her and Robin got home safe. Dustin is your little brother, no not biologically thank god our parents don't need more kids to fuck up, but he's super smart, a brat but you're gonna love him. Vecna is like a super creepy dude that's kinda causing everything but he should be dead, I think, probably."

"I break up with Nancy?"

"That's what you take from that? Look Nancy breaks up with you, it's rough, it's going to fuck you up for awhile but you'll be ok, just stop being bullshit ok? Like seriously drop the King Steve stuff it's so tiring."

"Ok um fuck, FUCK. What are you even wearing dude? Is this really what I become?"

Steve looks down at what he'd slept in last night, ah that's going to be a bit rough to take in.

"So um, Steve, kiddo, me.... Do you know Eddie Munson?"

"That freak senior yeah?"

"Well. This is his shirt."

Young Steve's eyes widen, "Why are you wearing Munson's shirt."

"Ok so you know those times you've looked at the guys in the locker room, turns out that's not what straight guys generally do..."

"What the fuck do you mean! I'm not gay dude!"

"I know that. You're bisexual, don't worry there's tears but Robin explains everything. Oh Robin you're going to love her, she's your best friend, an actual best friend this time."

"So what I'm dating Eddie the Freak?"

"Yep, and let me te you he lives up to that name, fucks you real nice,"

"I LET HIM FUCK ME!?"

"Total bottom, but don't worry you'll have all these revaluations in time."

Young Steve looks like he's going through the five stages of grief all at once.

"Look all this is very tiring for me, so I'm going to go back to bed, if you're not here when I wake up, just remember what I said alright?"

Young Steve nods slightly and Steve takes this as enough before heading back up to his room. He lays down and closes his eyes before waking up to a much better sight.

"Hey sweetheart, get a good sleep?"

"I had the weirdest dream..."

[desultory-novice]

Suggested Listening: Re_Birthday (lyrics)

-

I don't really mind the quiet...

Especially in my head. It's been...kind busy there for a while. 

I never bothered to count how many there were. More numbers were good. That was all. Or so we believed. But looking back, it was pretty miserable. Like on bad blizzard days, when they'd pack everyone into one room? It was that, only they never let you back out.

If there's one thing I'm tired of, it's how dark it is. See, we don't "see" things the way other species do. Yeah, I know: giant eyeball. But that was like...our brain. What we saw was the form of things. Their composition. But we didn't see light. We didn't see color. 

I think...that was on purpose.

Because, and I know this from experience, when you're trapped in complete darkness for long enough, you'll listen to anyone who provides you with even the faintest hope of things changing.

I spent way too long listening, unaware or more likely, uncaring that I was only dragging more voices into the same morass I was mired in.

But that's all over.

Someone stopped it. Came in like a star on the spring breeze and brought light and hope and dreams back to the world. And the voices have all faded. The others, they've been freed, I think. 

I don't know for sure because, well, I'm still here.

...But I think I might be the only one here now. I don't know if it's because I was their "favorite," or because my sins were worse than most, or if there's some other reason I'm still around.

I can guess what you're thinking about now, but it's okay.

I don't want you to cry over me, because I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not getting out. I thought it was that damn collar that started it. But, now that I've got all this time to myself to think, I'm pretty sure...I've been trapped for way longer than that.

Maybe the darkness is just who I am? 

You see, sometime back, I learned that a long time ago, when Earth still used a bunch of different languages, my name had a slightly different meaning that the one it has now.

One guess what that was.

...So, yeah...

That's why it's okay that I'm still here. And I'll be fine, even with the things I said. Listen, if me taking in all the darkness means that you're left with nothing but light, then I've done my job right.

Miss you, though.

And sorry I scared you last time we met. I kinda hope you never figured out that was me, but I think you probably did, after a while.

I won't be upset if you're mad at me for that. Or for lying to you about, well, a lot of stuff. For hiding what was going on with me.

I've got some other stuff I should apologize for too, but...I'd feel better if you never had to hear about those... Heh. Guess I'm taking more than a few secrets with me to my "grave." 

...Sorry if calling it that sounds depressing.

It's a pretty poor excuse for a grave too. It's got the "laying still in the dark" part down, but come on. I know I wasn't THAT great of a guy, but aren't graves supposed to come with fl...

"Pfffpht!"

...Suddenly... ...Miraculously... ...It wasn't all darkness anymore.

There were bright blues and purples and yellows and whites. Raining down on me where I slept from what had to have been heaven. They fell and they fell and they fell until I was practically drowning in them.

...Forget-me-nots.

"Okay, now you're overdoing it, silly girl."

-

Thank you for the inspiration, @driftwoodmfb

[michellemisfit]

WEEKLY TAG WEDNESDAY - FIRSTS!

Tagged by @suzy-queued @deedala @darlingian @heymrspatel @lingy910y @energievie @mybrainismelted @blue-disco-lights

Name: Michelle

Age: Currently getting a kick out of telling people that I’m nearly 40 and having them go ‘NO WAY!!!’ - It’s funny and flattering :)

First Pet: Siberian gerbils called Tom & Jerry

First Word: No idea. Turns out my parents kept a baby book for my older brother where they painstakingly recorded all of that stuff. I found mine a few years ago and it’s got a grand total of 3 entries, one of which is talking about how chubby I am, and how I am yet to find a food I’ll say no to, and let’s hope that’s not a sign of things to come… after which it was abandoned. Thanks mum.

First Celebrity Crush: Leonardo DiCaprio

First IRL Crush: Dominik. We hung out basically every day after school. I would go round to his house and he would play me the latest Michael Jackson tape and show me new dance steps that he’d taught himself. I thought he was so cool.

First Kiss: Age 14 with my first boyfriend. He was 20 years old. We were in a relationship for over a year. Shit was fucked up. At the risk of repeating myself… Thanks mum.

First Car: Bebop 🚙 He’s my baby and I bought him this year and I love him! He’s a turquoise 2013 Toyota Yaris Hybrid.

First apartment/house/dorm/whatever away from your parents: Heh. I moved straight from my childhood bedroom to a different country. If you’re gonna do something, do it right! lol

First Time on a Plane: I was… 18 months old? Parents went on holidays to Florida. I have about 3 memories from that trip.

First Cellphone: Nokia 3210 😎

First Concert: David Hasselhoff. I was maybe… 6? And I got very tired and slept through the second half, but my parents woke me up for Looking for Freedom, which was my favourite song of his.

First Foreign country you visited? Italy or France most likely. Pure proximity, and most of our family vacations were done by car from Switzerland so…

First sport you ever played? Hmm. I did competitive swimming when I was very young. And then gymnastics. And after that… about five minutes of football (the only sport I to this day do not understand. How do I run AND kick a ball simultaneously?!?), then 3 years of tennis, 2 years of basketball, 8 years of roller hockey, and a whole smattering of other sports on and off.

First career aspiration? I mean… I basically wanted to be a Disney Princess, purely for the Animal Best Friend aspect! And then any form of Animal Whisperer would have done the trick. I watched all the TV shows and movies where characters had magical bonds with animals, and I wanted that. And then I realised that the characters in the shows and movies aren’t real, but the people training and handling those animals *are*. However that wasn’t something realistic to aspire to, being Swiss, so instead I became a bookseller (somehow that made sense at the time… 🤷🏽‍♂️). And then 15 years later, in a different country and a different life, I did end up training animals for TV and film. So that’s kinda nifty.

And finally… tell me about the first time you wrote/drew/created/whatever something that made you think “wow”

Hmmm. I dunno. I thought I was really fucking talented when I was about 12. I wrote a novel and sent it to publishing houses and literary agencies. One of them invited me for an interview, because they thought my writing was great and they wanted to meet the kid that had sent them a manuscript aged 12/13. They ended up giving me a job, working as a admin/secretary/slush pile reader. They also gave me lots of feedback and constructive criticism on my writing. I scrapped the novel I had sent them in favour of writing a different, better novel. I still think that novel was pretty fucking good. I tried to get my mum to proof read it and give me feedback so I could do any necessary corrections before I spent my pocket money on photocopies, C4 envelopes, and a whole bunch of stamps so I could attempt to get it published again. She was dragging her feet and I tried to explain the urgency, because I was clear that it needed to happen before I turned 14. That was the goal in my head. I had huge ambitions and dreams. I was also convinced that if it happened after I turned 14 it wouldn’t be special anymore. Like anyone could do it after 14… 🙄 In response to this my mum told me that she’d had ambition and dreams, too, when she was my age. But not to worry, that’ll go away, and once you’ve put away the fanciful notions of being talented then you can just get on with your life…

Not sure if this actually answers the question, but that was kinda the first and last time I remember feeling uncomplicatedly good about and proud of something I created. After this anything creative I did was always immediately followed by the doubt of ‘is this actually good, or is this just a fanciful notion I have about being talented, when in actual fact it sucks?’ 🤷🏽‍♂️

Wow. Ended that on a downer, didn’t I?

…

Erm… I wrote Tell me we’ll never get used to it,

They’re the only two people left that know what it’s like to have loved and to have lost a Lightwood.

And it’s a good story.

There.

I said it…

Tagging @crossmydna @palepinkgoat @too-schoolforcool @vintagelacerosette @heymacy @loftec @mikhailoisbaby @rereadanon @the-rat-wins @tsuga-of-mars @ian-galagher @andthatisnotfake @francesrose3 @faejilly @jrooc @creepkinginc if you fancy playing? I’m just very exited I’m actually posting this on a Wednesday still! Whoop!!

[honeybunniii333]

somethin gay

(Hello, sorry I've been gone. I died of ailment and still am, though I'm a lot better now. So back to work! I was really in the mood for Ed angst. And naturally, I made it gay too.)

"Are you okay?..."

The question caught him off guard, and he wasn't sure exactly how to answer it. Because no one ever really asked him that. Aside from Blue, no one ever seemed to worry over him. Not that Edward blamed them. Why would they worry? He was Edward Quinton, school king! He was always okay. Nothing bad ever happened to him. He was perfect. He wanted it to look that way. He didn't want anyone to worry for him, so he took no offense when no one did. But he was tired, he was drained and overwhelmed. His schedule was far too packed, and he barely had time to think anymore. With sports, school, family issues, friend issues, his status, and all the supernatural stuff he had lately, he was starting to crack.

It would appear he'd slipped up somewhere in his little act because now Isaac was looking at him with that look, that look that said he knew something was wrong with him and God did Ed hate it. He hadn't gotten that look since middle school. Sitting alone in the office covered in bruises cause kids were mean. Adults and children alike looking at him as if he were a poor pathetic stray puppy kicked to the curb.

"I'm fine." it came out harsher than he meant for it to. He hadn't meant to sound so snippy, but it was an instinctual reaction he hadn't yet figured out how to stop. Isaac didn't seem to take offense fortunately, unfortunately, though he didn't seem to buy into his answer either.

"Are you sure..? You look really tired. When's the last time you slept?" The blonde pressed further. He couldn't really remember. He hadn't slept hardly at all this week. He wasn't sure what exactly was causing it, but he just couldn't seem to sleep at night. And it appeared that his prolonged silence had answered whatever questions Isaac had. The little shit had clearly come to his own conclusion, so Ed didn't bother to try answering. There was a long moment of quiet before Ed felt hands on his chest. "Lay down."

"Huh..? why?.." his face scrunched up a bit, but he let his boyfriend push him down and let out a soft oof sound as the smaller boy draped himself over Ed, tucking his face into the crook of his neck and sighing. "You need to sleep, so we're taking a nap." Edward could shove him off if he wanted. He was stronger, and Isaac weighed the equivalent of nothing to him. He was heavy against his chest but not unbearably so... actually, it felt kinda nice. The weight was grounding... in a way he hadn't realized he'd needed until now.

He felt the tension draining out of him as his face flushed, and he wormed his arms out from under Isaac to wrap them around him. "Fine..." he grumbled. He didn't have it in him to fight, and it felt so nice to be close. A hand in his hair, fuzzy blankets pulled up over them. He felt warm, both literally and metaphorically. It was a cheesy thing to think about, he knew, but he couldn't help it. Isaac just did that to him... He let out a soft sigh, his eyes drifting shut as he held the other closer and felt sleep taking him at last. He was supposed to be okay, but he supposed this once he'd allow himself the leisure of vulnerability...

[eteisvalssi]

i promised to post some thoughts from both of the concert days at kulttuuritalo so i'm gonna be putting them under a read more :)

saturday 2.3.

i arrived at the venue some time before 9 am

i feel like i always say this but the people that i hang out with at concerts and while queueing are always super nice. i got to know new people, meet mutuals and hang out with so many people i'd gotten to know at previous gigs i'd been to

just remembered that i think i forgot to thank @king-krisu for letting me tag along to their apartment to warm up my pizza that tasted like cardboard so i'm doing it now, kiitos!

buying hand and foot warmers for the queueing was the best purchase ever

when we were let inside, the staff was apparently not informed on where the cloakroom was actually open and if people who were over 18 but didn't have the ticket could go to the +18 side and everything was just a mess and ppl were running around and didn't know where to go

i did get front row on kris' side and it was actually my first time there, i'd always been on jan and nace's side before that

i've listened to pilvet pilvet for a while now and i was so happy to actually see them live, couldn't ask for a better opener

jc stewart was also very good! i'd never heard of him or his songs before but i tried to learn some of them before the gig lol

i feel like we've all seen so much from the soundcheck and gigs from videos and photos that i don't really have that much to add

when kiki came to put the setlist right in front of us we were like no it can't be this short they're definitely gonna play more songs. and they didn't 🥲

it was so nice to see them all actually move around a lot more now that they could

kris kicked straight towards me multiple times during the show and i kept thinking what have i done to deserve this

i completely fell in love with šta bih ja and bluza was so good too!!!

jan and bojan playing the piano <3

as the first gig on tour i kinda felt like they were still warming up after not performing for a while but still it was so good and i loved this concert so much

after the concert i went out with some friends i first met at the gig in tampere on the nordic tour :)

sunday 3.3.

i was supposed to go hang out in the queue for the day but i slept so bad and i was honestly in a bad mood because of that so i just stayed in bed for the whole day until it was time to leave to the venue with my friend and we were there just before the doors opened

i already posted my friend's thoughts from the show as a non-fan and you can find it here

i have a lot of thoughts that i wrote down on monday about going to a concert as a fan with a non-fan vs. alone but i'm not gonna be yapping about it in this post

i was kinda far back and i'm short so i didn't really see that well and i made the mistake of wearing a hoodie instead of what i was planning to wear so it was also extremely hot

this setlist was more to my taste with barve oceana and padam

the new song took me straight on a cruise ship to sweden

when they announced ruisrock the response of the audience was so loud!

i had a fan with me and i was fanning myself during vse kar vem and i just saw bojan looking at me kinda worried but when he saw me singing along he smiled and i almost started crying

i feel like they were more relaxed during this concert and that's understandable with the first concert being more of a rehearsal as the first concert of the whole tour

when we got out literally everyone was freaking out about everything that happened and saying how much better it was than yesterday

i was so tired and felt kinda sick that we just went to get some food after sitting down for a while and then i went back to my hotel room and that was it

overall i had a such a fun weekend! thanks to everyone who i spent time with <3 would've loved to talk to even more of you guys! next up is london and of course ruisrock in the summer :)

[saerins]

Girl, you don’t have an idea of how much interesting i found the argument/ angst between Mirin & Sae(? idk only if u want, u think u could give us some “extra” (it can be just a single short post) about them? Like, I think Mirin was A LITTLE right to be mad bc he was practically the love of her life and let’s be honest 😭 it’s heartbreaking that ur first love that promised u everything now is in a arranged married AND ACTUALLY loves his wife😕 idk THEIR ANGST IT’S SO GOOOOODDDDDD😢😭😭😭😭

ok hi nonnie !! lemme preface this by saying i was gonna write a whole part of mirin’s pov but it will just be centred around the same scenes and i don’t think you guys want that haha so here’s some extras for you, some small parallels between sae/mirin and sae/yn :) + my own opinions on them mwahahaha

fun fact: sae fell for mirin first. imagine the rich cold guy awkwardly trying to get closer to her & eventually winning her over because she gets to see all the sides to him that nobody else can.

+ mirin was always cautious with relationships because well, her family’s own personal issues. & sae was always patient with her, always entertaining her little ‘tests’ - think something along the lines of: continuously pushing him away and expecting him to always come back (which is exactly why she acted that way abroad). <- this was obviously very tiring to sae but he always did it, but that was why her dating other people was considered a huge blow to him and honestly made him feel like giving up on her altogether.

would he and mirin have worked out if yn wasn’t in the picture? maybe. a hugeeeeee maybe. pros: if yn wasn’t there, then mirin wouldn’t have acted the way she did and sae would still think the world of her. cons: they had their own issues that weren’t so apparent only because sae is laser-focused on making it work with yn.

would he and mirin work it out IF yn and sae don’t work out? nope. HUGE nope. he finds out she slept with oliver? done deal bye bye <3

also, mirin and sae never made their relationship too public :) they were always sneaking around because mirin wanted it private. aside from their inner circles, to everyone else, the most that they were were rumours.

did sae mean what he said to her back then? absolutely. 100%. it’s the kind of love where he realised “shit what is this fucked up feeling and why am i willingly diving into it?” and she taught him a lot, tbh. a lot of which helped him personally when trying to communicate with yn.

anywho !! i feel that given the context of what happened between sae & mirin - how she insisted on the breakup, dated other people while abroad and both of them naturally drifted (because sae didn’t really have the heart in him to keep trying since it looked like mirin was kinda trying to move on, even if she said in the end after that that she couldn’t forget about him) - for me personally his only fault was not offering her closure when he knew her intentions. that night at the karaoke bar when she was there, he should’ve set things straight (not that it would change much but still 😭).

mirin had a right to be angry - she didn’t get any closure and it’s easy to spiral but she knew he was married. didn’t even bother to ask him why he agreed or nothing and just tried to win him back. in comparison, we have yn who wants to try to understand him, who goes along with what he says because despite now it being sae who’s trying to push her away, she’s still there. despite him knowing she’s a passive person and easily scared, she stands her ground and covers for him even when he’s being an ass. that’s a huge part of the reason why he so easily faltered - fron personal experience he knows it’s not easy.

when sae fell in love with mirin, it felt more of chasing after something seemingly unattainable. it was a new, first love that exposed him to any such feelings. but with yn it was subtle. it was him noticing little things and growing to love them. it was him realising the beauty in trying and understanding yn will be much more of a bigger person than he could ever be. his respect and admiration for his wife grew with each day and that is why ultimately in the end, from sae’s pov, he has to learn to catch up with her in order to be able to give her the kind of love and support she deserves.

[thai-with-booty]

Update - I am still at jibs home, been nice in a way to get away from my home life but does feel a bit like I gone from one madness to another. My neighbour messaged asking when I'm back, guess he hasn't had his dick sucked well for a couple of weeks and is missing it lol. I am meant to fly on the 2nd of January and I don't really see the need to hang around here causing more trouble. The time so far has been nice with Emil, there has been a lot of chatting and catching up as well as sex, I kinda wish I handnt started the whole thing with Oliver, it's causing me to be quite anxious.

So Friday night me and jib met some other friends and had a girls night out, it was great fun, I hadn't been out partying like that for ages and was nice, no men around for a bit and can relax and drink, drink too much, was calm at first but then start mixing drinks and doing shots. Me and jib get a taxi home, I help her to her room and she's pretty much passed out, she's still wear her dress and just laid on her back sleeping, I go to my room and get into bed with Emil, he's sleeping already. I got a message on my phone from Oliver, he wanted me to come down, I was tired and drunk and didn't want to, so first time I said no, there was a bit of back and forth and ultimately he sends me a really long message which was quite mean, even if it was true at parts. I get he was frustrated but writing a message like that was hardly going to get me to come down to him. Luckily for me I cuddled up to Emil and missed him lightly on the face, he wake and responded and we started kissing and leading into sex, we had sex and it felt better than usual, I think it was the alcohol and feeling shit with Oliver then being made to feel wanted. After he came I kept kissing him and basically in the moment I asked him to date me, looking back it was bad timing and not a conversation for then, he was saying not to discuss it now but I took it badly and know I was being dramatic, but I cried, and left him. He didn't bother to come after me, it was probably better, fortunately too Oliver wasn't around, that would have made it worse. I dramatically packed all my stuff and was sure I was leaving the next morning, I was feeling terrible about Oliver and now about Emil, I wasn't to get out. It took me a while to calm down but with my suitcase packed at the foot of my bed I fell asleep.

I woke Saturday morning to Emil bringing me some juice, he came to apologise, I did the whole feeling stupid, we talked and basically made up, we won't be dating, he still lives in Denmark being the main thing, but also he's studying and needs to focus on that and has a gf, though he doesn't mention her with me. We had sex, I felt ok at the time, I think I was still drunk, he left and I slept a little longer before waking with a hangover that pretty much wiped out all of Saturday. I kinda needed a day with nothing.

Oliver didn't really speak to me, though I was not around much during the day, he was watching football in the evening but I didn't go near, I stayed with Emil. I can't help but feel something is going to happen with Oliver, but hopefully he can just stew on it and I'll be gone soon. Jib and Oliver are hosting a big new year's party that they do every year, hopefully I can get a little lost in the crowd.