#late in life academic

[notalostcausejustyet]

So. The unit 1 assignment is to write a personal narrative essay on your journey with literacy. And man, this is…a lot of vulnerability. The entire purpose of a personal narrative essay is to capture what something means to you. The effect it has had and continues to have on you. But the relationship I have with the written word is also so very wrapped up in survival for me. So do I just go for it? Dive face first into all the ways and reasons books and writing have saved my life? Do I hedge in the name of academia and professionalism? Even though that isn’t the assignment? Gah. I just dunno what to do here. It’s asking me to be seen. For a grade. Uuuugggghhhh.

[liesandnights]

The mortifying ordeal of admitting you do want to be loved vs the mortifying ordeal of not wanting people to pity you or feel bad for you vs the mortifying ordeal of wanting to reciprocate affection but being useless vs the mortifying ordeal of being careless with others and actually feeling bad vs the mortifying ordeal of being perceived as vulnerable at all.

[rchrml]

Late night study session vibes🕥📚

[angel-dustblgs]

Faust and Margaret — Sanador Liezen-Mayor, Hungarian National Art Gallery

[annabelle--cane]

saw a post the other day where someone was frothing mad about a poll that went around asking about preferred lgbtq community terms where "queer" swept with like 70% votes, and it was all the usual stuff, but the thing that got me is the poster said something like "you guys are trying to make 'queer' the academic term" and. comrade "queer" has been the academic term. for decades. it's really easy to see looking at the library in my school's queer student center, you see books published in the 70s and 80s referring to "gay studies," then "gay and lesbian studies" in the 80s into the early 90s, then "queer studies" in the mid 90s onwards. I don't think it was even a particularly pointed language choice, a single syllable word is just a lot easier to print and say than several words or an acronym that keeps changing and rearranging every few years. like. this is so so not a 2010s phenomenon of young people not knowing what they're talking about.

[neverbreakheart]

Being a human is extraordinary. Being a tree or chickadee or pile of ash is also, no doubt, extraordinary. I just don't often remember having been those things. Though I studied geology, the long view of existence-our lives as minerals—is not the story I most often focus on. Rather, I look for and love the drama in the small details particular to one person, the crooked tooth, the bitten nails, the hidden suffering. We mourn the loss of one extraordinary human life: a grandmother, a cousin, a father, a friend.

There is exquisite beauty and storytelling in the smallness. Reading life and death like a book. Start here. Finish here. These things that end (humans, winters, childhoods, love affairs, books) have sharp edges, painful as desire and packed with grief. Their hurt is precious and rich with meaning. It speaks to the work that our bodies are really made for: feeling.

The Unwritten Book, Samantha Hunt

[rouphicc]

3 in the morning I find myself, awoke a relentless drumbeat of the clock,  preferably the time, my thoughts dig up a chance to reign ancient scars begin to pulsate unburying them over a battlefield like a combat unravelling -- between one’s heart and brain  the only wish my lips implore Wish i could bury my being  Under the depths of field’s core.

― Rouhy S.M.

[fumifooms]

was not expecting how head over heels i'd fall for marchil- i stg there's something they put in the sauce like goddamn! and i've loved seeing your posts analyzing their dynamic, really helped articulate what i was feeling. i was wondering if you had any fic recs, or any recommendations for ships with a similar vibe? i'm hungry for them...

I know right, marchil gripped me in a chokehold out of nowhere and still hasn’t let go… The sauce was designed by the demon for me to get addicted specifically. It’s been too long since I haven’t written fic for them. I’m still chipping away at my Marcille & Chil arc analysis I know I always mention it and I started the draft in January but I SWEARRR… Season 1 is ending next week :/ On the upside I’ll probably be more focused. After that analysis, which is only analyzing in depth like one aspect/half of their intertwined arc btw so who knows there might be a part 2 one day, I kept thinking it’d prob be my last marchil analysis but let’s be real, probably not. Every week I find something new to point out about them aah…… Dungeon food, ahh, dungeon food…

Fanfic rec wise, well first I have my own marchil fics, to which I mostly recommend Grind Me Down Sweetly, and then feel free to browse my marchil bookmarks for what seems good! I don’t know what your tastes are but Shroomyystar makes super good angst (and smut), my favorite being 'Til our fingers decompose, keep my hand in yours about Marcille getting deathly sick and the dilemma to confess or to not confess, incredibly haunting piece of bittersweet but soul-crushing angst AND character study. Like wow! Chilchuck I need to throw you in a river. I want you beside me is cute bedsharing banter. From me to you makes my head spin and makes me shake my screen. And- *gets dragged off before I can mention more* Meanwhile on the flipside, Anita_Amai (the first ao3 marchil writer, still going strong 👏👏) is especially great at offering short and sweet pieces, the tone is usually light and comedic and it always makes me smile and giggle, gives me fluff attacks, the fics always a strong good scene or theme idea too. Just browse and pick any, it’s a good time. There’s soo many more. Honestly I recommend just diving into the ao3 tag and start reading. You can start by kudos and read the highest ones first to dip your toes and get the community classics one out. Early on there was a recurring anon writer who did great bittersweet domestic confession stuff like this one, lifespan angst oughh... Wherever you are now thank you for all your work 😭💖 A lot of new marchil writers are starting to post too! A csm asaden fanfic writer legend just joined the tag so marchil will probably finally get some multi-chaptered fanfics haha~ But yess there’s unrequited angst, there’s self-sabotaging angst, there’s domestic fluff, there’s falling in love and bantery fluff, bunch of good stuff <3

As to ships with similar vibes: The closest I’ve seen so far is honestly weirdly close, it’s the protagonists from a romance comedy josei called Dame na watashi ni koishite kudasai or Please love useless me! I don’t want to spoil but there’s even the guy needing to move on from a doomed love + emotional distance issues and the gal slowly invading his personal life/social circle and my god… They were coworkers, he was rude, he’s a workaholic, he’s reliable, she’s sunshine and needs to get some reality checks... The banter. THE BANTER. He represses and she copes by simping for fictional characters. He made, like, a mutual aid community for ex-gangsters. They dress up in silly costumes sometimes. They’re weeeird about each other in an unlabelable way before dating in a way (in a fun marchil in canon way). It’s so funny she’s cracking open his convoluted personal drama like her morning newspapers. There’s more there’s so much more. Give up on your dreams, make money, love loses 🔥🔥 It’s honestly just a great fun read, it’s such a mood. Haven’t read the sequel yet but there’s one so really if it hooks you you’ll be fed well and for a while. The greatest bits are too spoilery but here, have the vibe.

Howl’s Moving Castle, specifically the book, and there’s a ton of themes and narratives that are so fitting for them that I couldn’t possibly all list, I already made a post on it here if you’re interested in all the details and similarities and my AU thoughts haha.

Teen Titans 2003 the show, Beast Boy x Starfire. THAT’S RIGHT I’M A BBSTAR, BAM! 💥🫶 Jokester that’s dependable x sweet and idealistic but strong and protective. Short gremlin and tall beauty. Friends-coworkers to lovers. Very soft fluffy slice of life ship I like it a lot, and I wrote a fic for it hehe. Might do more one day, I have a bunch of prompts written down and a series I really wanted to get to sob.

I almost forgot to mention Shrek. It’s SO FUNNY how well it goes sometimes… Chil Shrek, Laios Donkey, Marcille Fiona. I want to say Mickbell could be Farquaad but even Mick doesn’t deserve this slander… Shrek 2 fear that he’s not prince charming enough for her oughh. Laios getting to be a horse good for him good for him. Winged Lion singing I need a hero. Someone stop me.

There’s also zenmiyo from Touge Oni but no one reads that </3 I gotta get to my review/lore analysis about that manga it’s sooo good a fave read of mine from last year. Like it’s so fucking good. It keeps just ramping up and getting more crazily good. Scrolling through some pages rn and it’s a unique blend of comedy, philosophy and awe-inspiring visuals and creativity. Well, sort of like late Dunmeshi actually. If it had a fandom any bigger I’d be all over it constantly. And I’d also recommend Harahara Sensei / Timebomb Teacher if it had any english translation, one of my fave mangas also. It’s about mafia, and a goody two shoes willing to go through a corruption arc to save her sister x stern rude mafioso who’s there bc he’s poor and on a revenge mission, never had any other option growing up etc etc. Ok he’s not that Chilchuck but the dynamic does have that "grow up and see the world for what it is, a shithole. It’s been hell for me" vs "ok you have a point. But also have you considered not sacrificing your humanity and emotions in a self-destructive pursuit" (not that she’s in the position to talk lmaoo) like ohh my goood him throwing his popsicle stick in the fire that she lit over a corpse, it haunts me.

From the marchil Discord it’s also fun to notice ships some of us share… Csm asaden, some combination of LotR elf x short guy, fair amount of dunmeshi ships overlap too. Haven’t found the overall common thread quite yet and I’m forgetting many that have come up but lol some off the top of my head.

[notalostcausejustyet]

Guys. I start classes tomorrow. Well, technically tonight. I’m fucking FORTY and entering academia with the goal of a masters. Wtf am I doing!?

[mar-why-am]

10/7/24

Burning the midnight oil...

[shebeingherownmuse]

Currently in my "I don't give a fuck era." The era where I don't give a fuck about what anybody thinks of me. The only person that I value and trust is myself and I am gonna do whatever it takes to keep my mind peaceful. I am extremely selfish for myself and my energy and I'm gonna get highly selective with people who can get access to me. I am no longer going to allow some random idiots to affect my inner wellness without my conscious permission. I am gonna cut off anything from my life if it costs my inner peace. Period.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

I've been looking for this one au where Len basically becomes a mad scientist and turns his friends into robots one by one for a while now, and I'm beginning to realize that I just read through your blog while half asleep a few months back and mixed together my memories of your flower hivemind and composite au

this is very funny to me. i'm absolutely honored this blog's posts were enough to evil-farming-game an entire vocaloid au into your memories 😂

i can give you this doodle; it's composite au but i'm sure it'd fit very well with this theoretical mad scientist len au lololl

[creepyscritches]

My therapist has had to walk me thru the curse of knowledge at least 3 times now bc I forget cancer science basics are in fact. Not basics for everyone. Very funny interactions to say the least.

Me: idk, it just feels like I don't have anything to contribute beyond deep research dives for specific cancers. I don't see value in my general neoplasm reviews where I just break down the differences between malignant primary/secondary, benign, carcinoma in situ, and uncertain vs unspecified behavior tumor classifications. :(

My therapist, taking the deepest breath possible: The curse of knowledge, once more from the top

[itsme-v]

Day 4/102 Days of Productivity

The Late Realisation

July 26, 2024

I came home earlier than usual today. But couldn't start working for a long time. Can't say I wasted time. I was having a really good time giving private solo concerts to the person in the mirror but yeah, not how I thought the day would go by.

Remember, flexibility plays an important role I planning. So I am awake rn at 2.30 am in the morning tryna get yesterday's work done.

Work hard people, because sleep is only for the fortunate. Become the fortunate.

->Stuff I did today

Spanish lessons on Duolingo

Differentiability Short Notes

Capacitance PYQs

Not a lot but I'll take anything at the moment.

Deep breath. Head down. Work. Work. Work.

Until next time

[oldxenomorph]

ALIEN: ROMULUS WAS SENSATIONAL OH MY GOD I LOVED IT SO MUCH. SO MANY XENOMORPHS! SO MANY SWEETIES! I WISH I COULD GIVE THEM EACH A KISS.

i couldn't get the popcorn bucket, but i got the last facehugger cup at the theater. please enjoy this picture of the facehugger with my lil xenomorph plush.