#like I said I REFUSE TO WATCH THEM LOL you cannot make me

[theminecraftbee]

i refuse to watch a xisumasays video in my life, which is definitely good for my sanity, but also has the effect of me sometimes seeing the thumbnails go around and feeling like I’ve been hit with a bowling ball.

[thexsilentxwordsmith]

https://twitter.com/sluttywh0r3/status/1738661113154220340?t=VYLoAeMTbPq_UQ-a7lMuVA&s=19

You were both so horny but you just ran out of your birth control and didn't have any condoms so Simon said he'd pull out only to have you riding him and refusing to get off of him and begging him to cum inside you

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Fem!Reader

READ IT HERE

9-1-1, yes hello? There is an attempted murder in progress. Yes, it is on my sanity, thank you.

Seriously, you guys are trying to kill me, right? Because there is no way in hell I am supposed to read that and stay sane. I'm gonna have to take a minute just to get through the rest of this post after the flood of images that just entered by brain.

But damn if it ain't a pretty scenario to think about. I am mean come on, just thinking about you and Simon being so fucking out of your minds horny for each other that you are willing to risk everything is hot as hell. Just him heavy breathing in your ear, telling you how good he wants to make you feel, the vibration from his voice making your clit throb as his lips leave trails of tingles along the side of your neck from the warmth of his lips.

Just the feeling of you under his fingertips has him panting as he tries to shove his hands in your pants, in your shirt, or both if he's lucky. He needs to make you come, it's the only thing he cares about in that moment; he needs to know that he has the power to make you fall apart and it consumes him until it is agony.

Probably wouldn't even make it to the god damn bed before he is ripping off your clothes as fast as those thick fingers can get into them and then immediately throwing your legs on his shoulders and thrusting inside you the second he can; he'd just drag you onto the floor with him and spread your thighs wide. That massive, virile man isn't going be able to create anything more than a few coherent words before it's all grunts like an animal in heat.

"We'll be careful. Com' on, sweetheart...Mmmm fuck... swear I'll fuckin' pull out. Just need ta be inside ya."

(I can feel the flames licking at me right now just for thinking about this lol).

Then you end up on top and Simon is on cloud fucking nine watching you completely lose your mind at how good it feels that the minute you start begging him to come inside you, that promise he made to you about pulling out flies out the fucking window without a second thought. You pleading with him to fill you up is going to awaken that feral part of his brain that he will not be able to control and it's gonna be all over.

"Christ, can't say no to ya ever, pretty girl. Ya want it inside ya, that's what your gonna fuckin' get."

He'd be so out of it, high off the feeling of you riding him into oblivion that he will not even fight you on it. He isn't even going to hesitate to keep going all the way until you both are a whole god damn mess and you are leaking his cum. Shit he'd make sure you got everything you want by keeping your hips locked together with his tight grip as he begins to slam up into you harder and harder, loudly grunting from the strain through that point of no return. The risk would be 100% worth it at that point.

And you'd be so gone with his cock shoved so far in you that your brain cannot even create a single thought other than to come on it. So what if this hot as hell romp leads to an oopsie; he'd make a great dad, right?

Don't worry, he's thinking the same thing and he's fine with it.

"Jus' don't fuckin' stop."

Give me a bit to write this all out cause I really really REALLY need this to be a full fledged fic.

[msfbgraves]

So, I love to watch videos of people reacting for the first time to movies. Almost every time I’ve watched people reacting to The Godfather movies, I’ve noticed that a large chunk of people (especially men, true, but surprisingly a LOT of women) all hate or strongly dislike Kay. Even growing up, both my parents disliked Kay lol, I remember.

It’s surprising to me, as I like all the women in the trilogy (yes, even Mary! Her character is sweet and affectionate, and I love how close she is with her dad!), and I always did like Kay…though I admit, I simply don’t like her with Michael after he decides to join the family business. Apollonia would have been the best fit. Besides, in Part 3, Michael sobs when Anthony sings the love song and thinks of Apollonia and their wedding even years later. And he chooses to return to Sicily to sit and brood/die in the place where they spent time together. That says it all, for me.

I can't say I've spent a lot of time on whether or not I liked Kay or Apollonia or both or neither in relation to these films. I remember watching the second film with my mother, and when the dancing scene between Michael and Kay came up, she said: "Hm. She's frightened."

I do find it surprising how many people make it about liking or not liking either or both of Michael's wives, when discussing the films as a whole. Kay doesn't fit into the mob world, that's the whole point of her, that's why Michael chose her initially, and that's why the audience may not like her - she sticks out like a sore thumb. She shouldn't be there. She agrees! That has nothing to do with how good she would have been for Michael. I do like Kay, the girl has guts. And I think that Apollonia and Michael would have made a fantastic mob marriage.

Michael ghosted Kay, and that is a shit way to break up whatever the circumstances, and by rights, they should have stayed broken up. Michael would have been nothing but a cad boyfriend who turned into a criminal, so people would have said she dodged a bullet.

Ah, but it isn't that simple, is it. If you share your time and love with someone, there will always be some form of bond. Whether or not you act on it is a completely different matter, and I feel Michael should have started fresh, and left Kay the hell alone. He could have written to break up, thank her and tell her to build a life without her. Or simply let her be one of those sacrifices you make, the same he later asks of Vincent. This life isn't good for Kay.

Would it have been good for Apollonia? I think she might have been more familiar with the codes of mob life, I think both Vito and Carmella would have adored her, I think it could have worked out beautifully. She probably wouldn't have felt the need to escape, or that the American life was better than what she left, she wouldn't feel so torn because she knew her roots. Maybe her children may have felt less at ease, but their father would have grown up completely American and helped them.

But it was not to be. Michael already gave up Kay for the life, and I believe him when he says he thought of her. And I believe in love at first sight with Apollonia, and he lost her, and I feel that if Apollonia is gone completely, maybe he can rekindle the love bond with Kay? And he does, under force, and they spend more time as husband and wife, and of course this strengthens that bond as well. But Kay is unhappy, so she breaks it off this time, and yet Michael refuses to let go of that bond (who do you think Mary gets it from)?

Apollonia and Michael is more romantic, less stressful - the fairytale his mob life cannot be. Kay is more realistic. They share a strong young love, and later, at Michael's absolute insistence, a very painful marriage, and Michael loves her and he loves Apollonia because I think that this is something that can happen. You can love two different people, if you want -widowed people do love again, and that doesn't negate the love they lost. Now of course, there may be sexism going on. A woman should simply be pretty and quiet, huh? Do we know a single of Apollonia's opinions other than her wanting to drive and not wanting to bother with English? Whereas Kay actually challenges Michael the way a wife has a right to challenge her spouse! And some people don't want to challenge their spouse and that is fine too! The point is that a marriage should work between two people and Michael's and Kay's didn't and Kay was the one calling that long before Michael, if she does love him. And Michael does not want to give it up. It's tragic, but it isn't Kay's sole fault. Again, she did move on. She rejeced his proposal, or tried to, he didn't want to hear no, she left him, he won't let her be, because he can't let go of emotional bonds apparently.

And who is to say who Apollonia might have become? These films are so very rarely interested in the world of these women, only looking at them in how they affect the men. And that's fine, the films are about Michael. But it's unfair to reduce all the other characters as people to how they relate to Michael. I promise you, if anyone ever made a biopic of my father, you wouldn't get to know everything there is to know about me simply by watching how I relate to him, or vice versa. People are allowed to exist however good they are, or not, for other people.

[hopefuloverfury]

Hi, is it ok if I request nsfw headcanons of Leah with top femreader? Also Happy Halloween!

Jesus christ, you literally sent this before halloween. I am so sorry. I desperately hope this was worth the wait. Anyway, hell yeah it’s okay! This gave me so many thoughts. None of them were appropriate or PG. Also I could’ve sworn I couldn’t imagine her as a bottom. Clearly this post is proof of otherwise. I have got to write a full blurb about this at some point, so let me know if you'd like to see that too, anon.

Nsfw, smutty as hell. Minors y'all know the drill. TopFem!Reader, Bottom!Leah is a bit of a brat, mentions of overstim, one(1) mention of drinking, aaaaaaand I think that's it. Lmk if I missed anything. Enjoy!

Leah already knows that you’re a top before y’all get into a relationship (in case you’re curious, she found out during a drunken game of truth or dare between you and the older marriage candidates)

So when she gets into a relationship with you, she’s thinking about it pretty frequently

Leah has never bottomed before—it’s not that she isn’t into it, it’s just that her hookups and relationships have never gone that way

Never mind that all of her past partners were incredibly self serving (FUCK YOU, KEL)

They never really cared about her pleasure all that much, and the ones that did weren’t too great at it

And sure, she knows you’re different from all of them

But that insecurity, that fear—it’s hard to get rid of without definitive proof

And god do you give her some

Bottoming gives her a new avenue to explore herself in a way, as well

Like, she could’ve sworn she wasn’t this bratty, but something about you telling her what to do makes her want to act out

Probably because she likes when you treat her firmly

But let’s make this clear now: she does not like painful punishments

Overstim is your best friend when she’s being a little shit

Also I know I’ve said “she’ll be at her loudest when all of the focus is on you” but let’s toss that in the fucking gutter right now okay?

Because while she enjoys topping for you, bottoming is. Oof. A new kind of drug

Absolutely loves it when you boss her around

Make her get herself off without touching her

Trust me.

Tell her to ride your thigh while you watch

And refuse to touch her until she makes herself come at least once

It’s embarrassing and she’s loving every fucking second of it

Praiiiiiisssseeeee kiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIINK

‘Nough said.

Compliment her. Tell her she’s doing a good job and that she’s pretty I'm serious she's insecure

And while she loves when you force her to get herself off, nothing compares to coming with your hands on her

Has a thing for your hands specifically

And being underneath you

Pin her to literally any surface—feeling your chests press together will always have her eyes rolling back

SHE HAS SENSITIVE NIPPLES

Lol sorry for yelling but! Yes!!

loves it when you play with her chest, bro

Pinch her nipples a little bit and she'll be whimpering in absolutely no time at all

also loves seeing you between her thighs, especially because she knows that’s when she’s really in for it

Has bruises littered across her inner thighs basically all the time now, and cannot—I repeat—cannot get enough of them

You catch her staring at them a lot

She wears shorts when it’s just the two of you on purpose

You know exactly what she’s playing at and yes, you do punish her a little bit because you know she’s trying to rile you up

She’ll play innocent but we all know the truth

She’ll do whatever it takes to get you on her again once she finds out how you like it

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol 13

Howdy folks!!

This week I'm gonna throw in some series I've been reading that have probably been recc'd by me before. I did read a few things this week, but I'm like way behind on these series I've been reading, so I spent more time catching up on those. I also read The Ritual which was... an experience. Oh and if you tagged me in a fic and I didn't get to it I am so sorry!! I'll get there I promise.

And as always you can find the spreadsheet here and the Fic Rec Masterlist here.

Anyway! Recs below the slut Javi

What I Want - a Joel one shot by @proxima-writes

SUB JOEL!!!! Sometimes you need a strong, prideful, world weary man to whimper for you.

Trial and Error - a Joel/Tommy series by @thetriumphantpanda

Am I into breeding kink? No. Am I into making Tommy Miller watch Joel Miller rail me? Yes. I also love how into it everyone is. Someone in the comments said "What if Joel got a secret vasectomy" and like I know that is not true of this version of Joel, but like I also want it to keep not working.

I can see you (Javier's Version)- a Javi P one shot by @proxima-writes

I love a good file room fuck with Javi, so obviously this was just my style. I also love the way Javi gets all frustrated with the teasing. Him crumpling up that note UGHAGH. And then the way you ended it? I won't spoil it, but it made me giggle. I cannot believe you don't write Javi regularly. You nailed it.

Sacreligious - Din one shot by @beskarandblasters

Who doesn't love a little sacrilege in the morning? Fucking in the Mines of Mandalore sounds like a dream... as long as the mythosaur doesn't get you lmao

In Bloom - a Frankie series by @northernbluess

This. Fic. Is. So. Fucking. CUTE! I loved chapter one of course, but chapter two??? My heart UGH. Their date is so precious. And the smut... I have a daddy kink and refuse to be shamed for it THIS WAS SO HOT

a hungry dog on a very short leash - a Joel one shot by @iamasaddie

My Dark Joel Queen never fails to deliver <3 This was so fucking hot. The getting caught cheating thing... the semi-public sex as punishment/blackmail thing. YUMMY YUMMY!! Dead Dove and all that, read the warnings, (are the warnings supposed to turn you on? oops).

some rotten man - a Joel one shot by @iamasaddie

Zero Plot. Just a rough as fuck blowjob. Exactly what I needed... It's so good y'all.

What happens on Coruscant, Stays on Coruscant - a Din/Poe/Cassian one shot by @beskarandblasters

Look we all know the timeline here is a little fucked, but let's pretend they're all around the same age because... Din Djarin, Poe Dameron, and Cassian Andor walk into a brothel and spend the night with you... GOD DAMN that's hot

------- SERIES <333 -------

These are series I keep tabs on in a separate spreadsheet and check once a week to see if they've been updated. Most of these have been recommended before, but they deserve all the attention.

I know some people don't like to start reading WIPs before they're finished, and that is valid, but these are worth it. Oh and some are complete and I just haven't finished them yet. It's my personal spreadsheet so it's a little messy lol.

One Thing I'm Missing / Joel / @joelscruff

Seams / Joel/ @fuckyeahdindjarin

Palomino / Jack / @fuckyeahdindjarin

I Think of You / Din / @prolix-yuy

No Drug Like Me / Dieter / @jazzelsaur (AO3)

Friendly Fire / Joel / @the-ginger-hedge-witch

Psychomanteum / Dieter / @whatsnewalycat

You Make Loving Fun / Frankie / @redahlia-writes

Apothecary / Joel / @atinylittlepain

Losing My Religion / Din / @oonajaeadira

Surrender / Joel / @ezrasbirdie

Short Days, Long Nights / Joel / @frannyzooey

Left in Lincoln / Joel / @toxicanonymity

Dressed For Revenge / Joel / @jksprincess10

Cowboy Like Me / Javi P / @cutesyscreenname

Sweet Creature / Dieter / @wildemaven

Leave Off Your Wandering / Joel / @oonajaeadira

Stitches / Din / @djarinsbeskar

Feelings on Fire / Joel / @joelscruff

Hot and Heavy / Joel / @tieronecrush

Pretend Alleyways / Dieter/Marcus / @radiowallet

Run to You / Marcus P / @foli-vora

Learning to Live / Javi P / @wheresarizona

Raider / Joel / @toxicanonymity

Beskar Doll / Din / @justagalwhowrites

Lavender / Joel / @justagalwhowrites

Hungry Hearts / Joel / @atinylittlepain

June / Joel / @atinylittlepain

Your Summer Dream / Joel / @swiftispunk

Muddy Waters / Joel/Ez / @bonezone44

Adversity / Ez/Frankie / @the-ginger-hedge-witch

Sensational / Joel / @sinsofsummers

Night Walks / Joel / @toxicanonymity

Stepdad!Joel / Joel / @toxicanonymity

Yes I check all of these for updates every single Thursday, though I don't always read every single thing that updated. If you ever think no one cares about your WIP... I do!!!

---------------------------

Happy Reading!

[heyheydidjaknow]

I’m not going to request anything this time, I just want to know your honest opinion about “LawLight”. 

I have never seen as much yaoi content in an anime as in Death Note in my 30 years… I’m sooo old, and maybe that’s why I’m so sick of Tumblr suggesting me these kinds of posts and it has revived my hatred for this “ship”.

I mean, I’m not even sure if those people have watched the same anime as me…

Cartoons are fictional to start with, so buying into this is like double-dipping in make-believe, I don’t know if I’m making myself clear, lol.  I know some people might say… We read ‘x reader’ stories, okay, but we reaaaally know that this is not real, instead of affirming something that doesn’t exist…?

Anyway, I just wanted to vent, hope I didn’t bother you, and that you understood my limited English. 

Greetings from China!

I love Lawlight because I hate Light Yagami and I think he would hate Lawlight irl and any enemy of my enemy is a friend. That said I personally do not know how feasible it is as a ship. Im not anti Lawlight or anything— the fan content for this ship is great— but I do not know that the characters are all that compatible. I would normally leave it at that, but this is a prime opportunity to shit talk Light so I’m taking it. Here are my top ten implied realities of Lawlight which sink the ship in my opinion.

1. It implies that L would date a man he doesn’t even trust enough to believe isn’t a serial killer, which is ridiculous.

2. It implies that Light as Kira would not be so stubborn as to just refuse to be vulnerable with L out of spite.

3. It implies Light Yagami is capable of love.

4. It implies that neither of them wouldn’t view physical intimacy solely as an in to gain information from the other person.

5. It implies that either party would be content with just leaving well enough alone and not trying to destroy each other.

6. It implies that Light would deny his repressed (if you want to be nice) homophobia (which I cannot prove he has but believe he does with my whole entire heart) long enough to allow himself to get with L.

7. It implies that Light (and possibly L) would be cool with Ryuk watching them do couple things, sexual or otherwise.

8. It implies that Misa Amane would not beat the shit out of L for encroaching on her man.

9. It implies that Light would either top or not view bottoming as losing.

10. It implies that Light has the ability satisfy a partner in any way.

That said, their messy hypothetical relationship is undeniably fun to speculate about. Loads of fun fan works have come from the ship, and Light would despise the ship in real life, so who am I to knock it?

[lunar-years]

would love to hear your thoughts on the team bullying/forgiving jamie in s2, in particular what you disliked about it. imo i think sam’s treatment was harsh but not at all undeserved, while others like colin and isaac were a bit twisted considering they fully participated in the prick-ish behaviour in s1. and the whole led tasso bit was entertaining to watch, but it really reveals how problematic ted’s hands-off approach to conflict can be. to the point where ted refuses to refer jamie (and later on isaac) to speak with sharon, and never fully acknowledge’s each player’s feelings.

There was a really good meta I saw on this topic the other day that i cannot for the life of me find in my tags to link here. But yeah, there are definitely things I disliked about it! For me it's less about the players than about the leadership & Ted. I actually think the players reactions/responses mostly make sense. It's a bit weird, like you said, that EVERYONE suddenly hates him when half the team was literally participating in and/or endorsing him in season 1 (remember that episode where the team is split into two factions and one of them is Jamie's? lol. Like it wasn't even just Isaac and Colin participating in the behavior, it was half the team). However I can see that their opinion of Jamie might have changed given distance and their own growth.

Also, we don't really see any instances of Jamie publicly bashing his old team apart from singling out Ted and Roy, but apparently at one point he was off calling Colin a jaundiced warm to his hometown newspaper, so yeah I can see why that might've left a lingering bad taste in his mouth. Also the boys have gotten used to Richmond without him at that point, and it HAS been a much better environment, so I think it'd be easy to overlook that they were actually sort of starting to like him at the bonfire the night before he went back to Manchester (which was ultimately only just one night), in favor of focusing on all the times he was made the locker room worse. Also, there's probably a bit of misplacing their hatred for their past selves onto Jamie because it's easier to shift that blame around a bit than accept their own culpability in the bullying. Just like it's easier to blame relegation on Jamie, because he's there to blame, then on their own shortcomings in the game. Is it a bit unfair to Jamie? Sure. But it's realistic and I don't mind it.

Actually the only one I'm a bit ??? about is Dani, because he was absolutely getting along with Jamie in Two Aces even despite Jamie's prickish exterior. Dani hadn't even been around long enough to be negatively impacted by Jamie's effect on the locker room culture so? what gives? I also don't see him bandwagoning on just because everyone else hates him (which does make sense when jan does it hahah). So it's very weird to me that he holds as much of a grudge as everyone else, lol.

The biggest issue for me is (once again. woop.) Ted. Because he didn't want to get rid of Jamie in the first place. He was in fact IRATE when Jamie was sent away, and got into his first real argument with Rebecca over it, that's how upset he was. So why is he soo hesitant, suddenly, to let Jamie come back? His whole speech to Jamie at the Crown & Anchor makes me uncomfortable, because the whole "You burned a lot of bridges" thing doesn't even add up to the real reason Jamie was sent away and totally dismisses the progress he had already started to make before leaving. It seems to reiterate that Jamie was sent away because he'd been Bad and Done Something Wrong. Sent away after he'd in fact had a significant breakthrough with the team. No wonder Jamie is confused. Ted is crossing all kinds of wires and it's ??? Not to mention that he tells Sam Jamie isn't coming back, then brings Jamie back seemingly without even pulling Sam aside and explaining to him circumstances have changed, Jamie is coming back, and why. It's one thing to have told Sam and then change your mind. It's another thing for Sam to tell you he's upset at you for withholding information, explain that's not the case, then go and do the thing you JUST assured Sam you wouldn't: not consult the team re: Jamie. Idk, the whole thing rubs me the wrong way.

Ted having a conversation with the team beforehand, explaining why Jamie is coming back, would've already gone a long way to help Jamie, instead of just springing him on them and throwing him to the wolves. Led Tasso was typical hands-off Ted problem solving, and it's a funny comedy show bit but not exactly an appropriate workplace solution, is it? I might not mind it so much if it wasn't the start of a pattern of behavior where Jamie needs help, asks for help, and then is like...ignored or gone around or "acknowledged" and not helped. it happens with his return to the team, it happens with Roy refusing to coach him, it happens with fucking Zava. And it's extremely annoying that the team leadership fails him specifically again and again. ugh.

Re: Sharon/therapy and referring the boys, that one is soooo mixed up in ted's own mental health stuff I'm willing to give it a pass. of course Ted's not to going to refer players to see her when he doesn't see what she does as helpful and doesn't respect therapy as a possible tool/solution.

[jwjwjs-stuff]

Alrighty: no beta read we die like Horangi x König ship posts on Twitter

I made a story and for those who do not like small angst or are not comfortable with illness can read that lol

Warnings: Mention of schizophrenia, small angst

You cursed as you ran towards Price‘s office. Soap had pulled a prank on you by turning back your clock…by 3 fk hours. Price had been in a very bad mood lately Duo to you failing at a mission that had been very important. The entire task 141 hated you already and you cannot really say that anyone else liked you. Price had called you to their office today but ofc you were late. Your illness has been catching up on you.

schizophrenia

You got it diagnosed but refused to take your pills often since they were super expensive. You took one half a day ago and wanted to get this over with soon. You did not know how much longer it would work.

You knocked on the door only to be greeted with a stern voice. “Come in. Now.” That definitely was not a good way to start.

You entered making sure the door closed silent. You looked at price him only pulling up your file. Ghost was next to him he gave Price some more files. You could see others faces on it. _He is going to replace you_ You shrugged that one off hoping it was just your inner voice.

Before you could even say anything Price suddenly screamed at you, you even saw Ghost flinch a bit. ( you and ghost are neutral in this storyline bc I said so. Also the 141 does not actually hate you that is just c/n telling themselves)

“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY PROBLEMS YOUR STUPIDITY CAUSED ALL OF US?!”

“I-“

“I AM GIVING YOU ONE LAST CHANCE! DO NOT DARE TO FACE ME AGAIN UNTIL YOU EITHER DECIDED I COULD BRING IN SOMEONE MORE USEFUL THAN YOU OR YOU BECAME USEFUL.”

You would have lied by saying that you were ok. Hell you were sure Ghost could see you shivering. You had to do smt so you just ran out. You just ran. As fast and as far as you could.

“Look who is running.” “The fuck.” “Hey what are you doing crybaby.” Suddenly 13-15 voices started talking in your head. You wanted to scream at them. You suddenly felt watched. “C/N wait!” You heard Price. “Soldier!” Ghost’s voice spoke.

No. Not now. You cannot face them. Stupid voices. It was all too loud and too scary. You wanted to take a step back only to noticed you were on the edge of a cliff.

A few minutes back into Price’s office:

“Fuck.” Price just said. He knew what he just did was terrible. He knew you were not useless but he was too stressed and was not thinking about what he was saying. “I will look for him.” Ghost said before making his way to the door. Price noticed a white box( package whatever you would keep pills in) on the ground. Ghost picked it up and read out loud- “schizophrenia- Price!” Never had the Captain ever jumped off his seat so fast. Chasing after you.

Now back to you

You heard every voice in your head telling you to still take that step. You started hallucinating. Small but duo to your situation convincing enough to make you step back. You already felt arms wrap around you, pulling onto safe grounds. The next pair of arms wrapped around you. They held you tight. So very tight. “Y/N…”

No words were needed that day.

141 took notice of your illness and made sure to help you out.

Price and Ghost would make sure there was always one person with you.

They also made sure you got more time of.

Or different scenario for people who are not comfy with small Angst:

You were new and small and ofc scared

Price trained some Rookies, you included

He was a rather rash teacher so when you failed at doing something duo to you being so small( or at least not a fk giraffe. ) he got mad

He screamed at you for not having trained enough

It would be no lie if you said you avoided him to your death

Even when you passed each other you would make sure there was a huge space between you two

Price would later realize why you avoided him and most definitely would give a flowers as an apology

Old man would scream at the others

Ghost would cover your ears and then calmly explain you how to do it right.

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Runaway - A Manny (Mayans MC)/Hannah Gray (OC) Story.

I said I would wait to begin posting this, but I’m just starting chapter eleven and I absolutely cannot wait! It isn’t going to be epically long, and I have also made the chapters much more bitesized (2k or less on the word count) so you guys aren’t bombarded by my usual long reads and blathering on (lol!) 

Since I know that Manny is very popular, I’m going to set the unlock at 50 notes to get the first chapter (which will begin being posted after BTBT is done) this just the prequel, so you have plenty of time to make that happen. Now, I don’t mind a bit of system cheating, but I would like to see how much this can happen organically, with everyone participating in the likes, comments and reblogs. So, with that being said, on with the show!

Taglist - In the comments

Words - 1,104

Warnings - 18+ content throughout, minors DNI!

Prologue

“Do you, Hannah, take Michael, to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, ‘till death do you part, according to god’s holy law?”

Did she?

Hannah felt as if she were going deaf to all around, other than the ringing in her ears, a wave of heat rising through her as her heart hammered. The minister sounded like he was speaking to her through water, his voice distorted, the weight of the stare from the entire congregation upon her as she opened her mouth, swallowing when she began to salivate excessively.  

Did she?

Because this was for the rest of her life. Of course, if it didn’t work then there was always divorce, but should she, the bride herself, really go through with such a commitment if the word divorce was coming to her as she stood there at the altar, unable to speak? Her eyes flitted over to the stable forces that were her dad and stepmom, both of them staring back at her with concern, Jackie mouthing ‘are you alright?’, Hannah still stood there, gaping like a fish out of water, her legs tingling.  

“Babe?” Michael spoke, nudging her. “Come on, don’t leave me hanging here.”  

She turned again, looking out to her side of the church, so sparse compared to the small army that was Michael’s friends and family, with it dawning on her as every second stretched out.  

‘I’m sorry, pumpkin. I can’t do it. I can’t go ahead and watch you make a mistake, and I think it is, you marrying him.’ Shonda. Her ride or die, and she wasn’t there looking beautiful in jade green satin as a bridesmaid, because she couldn’t stand Michael.  

‘Grampy and I won’t be attending, sweetheart. I’m sorry.’ Her grandmother. Ethel Gray was much too polite and mild-mannered to come out in as many words and say it, but she and her husband Bill had never liked him either. Hell, her parents were only there because she’d pleaded with them. Rob and Jackie Gray were also upon the side that said Michael Hansen was a completely unsuitable choice for their beloved daughter.  

‘Sorry, Han. Ain’t coming. I don’t like that dude, never have, never will.’ Steve, her elder brother hadn’t been so discreet. Neither had her younger, Jack.  

Standing there, it was the moment it hit her, how wrong it was. Her best friend, her brothers, her grandparents, most of her cousins, everyone who had refused, they should have been there. This was her wedding day, and they weren’t there, all because they saw what she refused to, or rather did and instead, stuffed down, excused away, tried to convince herself she could live with. It was her last shot at happiness, she’d convinced herself it was. But was it? Really?  

“Hannah, would you like me to repeat the vows again?” the minister asked quietly, breaking the deathly silence that had fallen over the church.  

She shook her head. “No.” Her bouquet slipped from her hand before she’d even turned to look up at her fiancé, roses and lilies shedding their petals upon the parquet floor. “I can’t, I’m so sorry.” Turning, she gathered her dress, reaching to take the small, oyster lace clutch from her now-never-would-be sister-in-law before running back down the aisle, a chorus of gasps echoing through the sacred space, Hannah praying that her ankles didn’t buckle, having to run in five-inch heeled Manolo Blahnik’s. She’d chosen the very same Hangisi royal blue stilettoes that her heroine Carrie Bradshaw had worn to marry Mr Big. Except she was the one doing the jilting in this instance.  

“Hannah! Wait!”  

Michael’s voice propelled her faster down the steps, people all around stopping and pointing as they witnessed it, a real-life runaway bride situation. Her heart hammered hard with every step, her armpits beading with sweat as she felt her stomach lurching, swallowing hard, knowing she had to escape him.  

“Hey lady! Fucking watch it!” the man behind the wheel of the car she ran out in front of through the traffic yelled, Hannah swerving, realising how stupid and perilous her decision to cross the highway was, her head spinning as her eyes darted around, looking for a cab, turning back to see Michael hurtling down the grass bank that flanked the church.  

“Hannah! Get back here, now!”  

“Fuck!” Panic flooded her, dodging between the cars, horns blaring even though the traffic was slow moving that morning, looking for her escape when suddenly, it called out to her.  

“Hey darlin’, you need a ride?” Turning her head in the direction she’d heard the smooth, husky voice call, she saw a tall man aboard a massive black Harley. The trepidation she felt when noticing the Mayan kutte lasted all of five seconds, hearing Michael yelling at her again. It wasn’t the cab she’d been looking for, but an outlaw on an iron horse was perhaps the better option for making a speedy getaway.  

“Yes! Thank you!” she cried, moving around the front of the white Lincoln Navigator that had kindly stopped to let her cross into the next lane, hoiking up her dress a little further as she straddled the back of the motorcycle.  

“Where you wanna go, mamas?” the man asked.

“As far away from here as possible.”

He pulled back the throttle, the bike sounding like thunder in her ears. “I gotchu.” Over eighteen hundred cc’s roared ferociously as he pulled out and cut through the traffic, the all-black Street Bob thundering away down the highway, Hannah yanking her veil off before wrapping her arms around his slender waist, her heart still going ten to the dozen as she left a shocked, angry looking former fiancé in her wake, her veil fluttering down at his feet as he watched her ride away.  

“You okay there?” he asked as they took a right at the intersection, feeling that she held onto him with a shaky grip.  

“Yes... no... erm...” she floundered. “I’m Hannah, by the way.”

He chuckled a little. “I’m Manny. Sounds like you need me to take you to the nearest bar, Hannah.”

“Immediately, if not sooner!”

He was planning on going home, lighting up a joint and maybe calling his regular no strings attached girl for some afternoon fun, with little else to do with his day. Rescuing a bride who’d obviously had some very last minute second thoughts was certainly a very random derailing of that initial plan, but one he wasn’t mad about.  

[cod-dump]

I’ve decided to spread my cringeyness to you, you cannot stop me

So I was listening to this song: https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=RruSlKrqmwg&feature=share and I just thought that this would be such a good song for Soap if he ever became the villain

But like imagine Soap doesn’t want to be the villain but whoever ended up capturing him managed to convince him that the 141 betrayed him (they didn’t actually betray him, he got separated and kidnapped but his kidnappers convinced him that the 141 left him on the battlefield when they actually didn’t), and now he’s out for revenge

Also just something I thought extra about how he looks, imagine the way he got separated from the 141 (and kidnapped) was something to do with a bomb so he managed not to be too injured, but his hair is distinctly charred and burned, and he got some scarring on his face. Plus imagine his new code name being firework while he’s with the enemy team.

Also I had this idea but instead both Gaz and Soap are kidnapped and end up forgetting who Ghost and Price are, so while Soap and Price are trying to get them back their like, ‘Why is THE GHOST and CAPTAIN PRICE trying to catch us?????’

Sorry for the rant lol, I just randomly got these ideas and wanted to tell someone, also sorry if this is cringey I’m still kinda new to the fandom and the characters (though my favorite is Soap now)

This isn’t cringey! I love your brain! Makes me think about my AU where Ghost is with Shadow Company and is trying to kill 141.

Also I can imagine Soap not believing the enemy that captured him that he was left behind. He refuses to believe that they would leave him there. But he’s isolated in this room. Every day someone comes in to give him food, and every time they remind him that he was abandoned and that he would be dead if it wasn’t for them. This goes on for months, Soap only ever hearing that he was abandoned and left for dead. His captors never said anything else to him. It wears on him, slowly breaks him. They left him for dead. They just walked away while he laid there, slowly dying. Finally, he wakes one day. He captors enter to give him his food.

“They abandoned you. They left you for dead.”

And Soap just takes his tray, muttering, “And they will pay for it.”

[k-s-morgan]

Your writing leaves me speechless every time. It is utterly gorgeous. The writing is so emotional, and I feel like the characterizations in ATLWETD are flawless, on a whole different level. I love the shades of posessiveness/obsessiveness we're getting to see of Tom, it makes me weak on the knees. And the fact that Harry isn't just some pushover, that he's got vibrant, brilliant character that's reckless, bold, a little idiotic, and just the thing a snake like Riddle would be facinated by. I admit I was a bit skeptical last chapter on Tom breaking someone's arm just to get Harry on the Quidditch team, because I was like how is he going to get away with that, but good lord, this chapter has enlightened me. He really does have the whole school wrapped around his finger. I love the scenes in this chapter, it might be my favorite so far...

Harry projecting his love of Quidditch to Tom. Their talk about cruelty. The conversation about family, which made my heart melt. The way Harry keeps bringing up Greengrass when he wants Tom to be disgusted will never fail to amuse me... The mood gift from Alphard, which I'm betting my soul will be used in later chapters... The moral greyness of Dumbledore... The last scene. Ugh, you do such cruel and beautiful things to my heart, giving me the happiness of reading another one of your chapters while also making me crave more... I swear, you must be magic yourself; your writing is that good.

I have a few questions though. I think it's mainly just me not having all the brain cells necessary to process this story, after losing my complete mind after this chapter... but still.

My first is about how Harry is choosing to stay with Tom at Wool's. In the pseudo alternate universe, Harry stayed with him at the orphanage too, so he "knows" the outcome of staying. Couldn't Harry then dissuade Tom's fears of dying, by saying they survived in the alternate universe?

My second is how Tom's referring to Harry in his mind. We all know Harry loves to think of Tom as "Riddle" - rather fitting lol. But is Tom opting for "Potter" or "Harry"? I cannot wait to read his perspective by the way, the way you write Tom in WHGTB is amazing. His elusiveness so far is killing me!

Third is about how genuine their fight about the Potters was. Was it a ruse to get Harry pissed enough to summon fire, or did Tom actually consciously or subconsciously think that?

Fourth. You mentioned for WHGTB, another masterpiece of course, that Tom wouldn't have been obsessed with Harry if it wasn't mutual. That he's an all-or-nothing kind of person. Is this Tom similar? I know he is much crueler, colder, etc., but this basic principle is similar, right?

Sorry for the lengthy ask and the fangirling. It's just that I've been obsessing over chapter 4 for over 24 hours, and I've been thinking about it constantly. I can't even describe how much your fics mean to me. When things are going wrong in real life, I always find solace and comfort in them. I'm even going to watch Black Butler soon, just because I want to read your fic.

I'm sorry for the pain the war has brought to you and your country. I hope you stay safe through it all, and know that I'm always thinking about you, hoping you are okay.

Ah, thank you so much for your brilliant comment, it made me so happy! I'm really glad you enjoyed this chapter. Harry and Tom refused to let me finish it when I planned to, so it went on and on))

I'm glad you're enjoying both Tom and Harry. They have such different personalities, but they really click. I think Tom said more words to Harry in these months they know each other than he ever said to his followers. 

How cults work never ceases to amaze me. I read so much about different religious cults where the leader was doing absolutely horrible things, from rape to torture to mutilations and murders, and yet the majority remained devoted him. Hell, I have a very sick neighbour called Russia where millions support one genocide after another while hundreds of thousands actively kill, destroy, and torture innocent people. These beings have no goal, no reason, they just do what their so-called leader orders even though it means becoming a monster and risking their own life and safety for nothing. 

Tom Riddle makes for a much more charismatic and inspiring leader, so I think it's realistic that he managed to wrap the other Slytherins around his finger so completely. Apart from being an actual fighter, he has much to offer in terms of power, influence, and recognition. 

I think Harry is a little jealous of Greengrass without fully understanding why and in what way. There is no doubt that Tom favors him much more, but Greengrass is his right hand, a person he'd trust in a battle, the one he'd immediately rely on, and Harry is already feeling the first stirrings of irritation and possessiveness. 

Yeah, Alphard's mood artifact is going to come in handy! Needless to say, Tom is going to be very confused by the frantic change of emotions Harry gets around him :D 

About your questions, sure!

For question 1: in Harry's story, he and fake!Tom just about finished their fifth year when Tom went insane, started sowing chaos, and they got hunted down by Dumbledore and his people. That's when Harry made his journey through 'universes.' So he has no idea what happens after their sixth year and if Tom survives it because it never took place. Naturally, in reality, Harry knows that Tom makes it, but he cannot say he's from the future, so he has to stay silent. Besides, he knows that his presence is changing things, so after they arrive to the Wool's, he himself will be unsure if everything is going to be fine.

Question 2: I think Tom is conflicted about how to refer to Harry, so he settled on "Him." His mind instantly knows who he's talking about because Harry has taken a permanent place in his mind. So it's, "I wonder what he is doing, "How powerful can he get with the right initiative," and so on. 

I hope you enjoy his POV when it comes :D We'll be stuck in Tom's head for the entire second half of the story.

Question 3: the fight was entirely genuine. Tom saw an opportunity when he saw how enraged Harry got, so he had him conjure fire, but before this, it never crossed his mind, he was too jealous and angry. 

Question 4: You know, it's a really good question! I think this Tom is different from WHGTB Tom in this regard. In WHGTB, Tom began to respond to the fact that Harry loves him. In ATLWETD, Tom is responding to the idea that in some other world, he himself loved Harry. He finds it fascinating because he cannot imagine loving anyone; at the same time, he takes it for granted that people like him and want to do things for him. So mutuality is not as important as long as he has feelings. When he learns that Harry lied to him, and if, for example, Harry didn't end up loving him at all, he wouldn't stop. He'd find a way to bind them together anyway, even if it meant enslaving Harry's mind, altering his memories, etc. It's very likely that Tom would have done anything to mold Harry into the person he was pretending to be, someone who loved him, shared a past with him, and cared nothing about the timeline. 

Ooh, if you end up watching Black Butler, I hope you enjoy it! I'm so addicted to this universe, I think it is forever. 

Thank you for your words, for your review and questions. I hope you'll enjoy the next chapter, although it won't come for a while! 

[terezis]

how Did you like nona tho?

short answer: i liked it! i didn't love it. as of this exact moment, having read it twice, i think that nona the ninth should have been pruned mercilessly and put into a very long alecto. (breaking dawn is 756 pages! they could’ve done it!!!) it didn’t need to be its own book, and does not do enough to justify itself as one. 

that said: it was still pretty good!!! 

long answer: i’m gonna be spicy first and then talk about what i liked LOL... spoilers under the cut

most of my criticism here comes back to the fact that this was originally meant to be the first act of alecto the ninth. you can tell. i definitely feel like i have read the beginning of alecto. like, don't get me wrong, most of nona stands on its own as a story, and it's a fun read; but you could have cut a good third of this book and it wouldn't have changed anything. 

we spend a frankly OBSCENE amount of time on nona's daily life when we could have gotten the picture in forty pages... and for all that she's deeply invested in her home life, her time at school, and her friends, the book fails to make ME care, which is disappointing because i know tamsyn muir is capable of doing so.

i mean, in the first two books everyone was uniquely delightful and felt like they could be the main character of a different story. it was hilarious to watch gideon interact with silas and colum; i love the original lyctors. but why should i care about beautiful ruby, whom i cannot distinguish from the other one, what's his name, born in the morning? we suffer? hell, even the angel???

you could replace pash with any nameless rebel and the story wouldn't change overmuch; the fact that she's apparently wake's niece has no relevance, except that it makes her hate zombies more… but most people in this book do, so who cares. what’s the point.

likewise, details and subplots that, in previous books, would have become relevant to the larger story at some point, don't seem to matter as much in nona. is that because they're going to be addressed again in alecto, or because they actually don't matter? i can’t tell.

take for example: hot sauce’s burns. compare it to something like abigail's backstory; it's a minor detail, but her interest in lyctoral history ended up spooking cytherea, which got her murdered, kickstarting the main conflict of the first book.

am i being too nitpicky here? did it not feel like those burns were supposed to be more relevant than they were? especially after we learn that she thinks edenites are too soft, so she hangs out with a fringe group implied to be responsible for the zombie burnings? but neither thing ever comes up again. is it just flavor? 

also consider: the different factions of the blood of eden, namely the hopers, who we’re frequently TOLD are major obstacles to the characters’ immediate goals, but who we rarely see become a problem. we suffer says it’s hard to convince them of anything, but they never really refuse her in any meaningful way. what are the stakes? is this the same group who previously killed 18,000 cohort soldiers with a space nuke? where's the oomph??? 

i feel like all of the above is also exacerbated by the fact that the entire book is told from nona's pov, and nona just does not give a single shit about the larger conflicts happening around her. it's not her fault. if i were her, i don't know if i'd care either. but as a result she spends SO MUCH of the book away from the action, which sucks when the best parts of this book are when she actually gets to be involved. 

i loved when she snuck out to talk to varun; when she listened to cam's tapes; when she and hot sauce ran off to see the broadcast. those parts fucked!!! i liked when she got to throw a tantrum!!! it was spooky!!! let her loose!!! i guess she has been let loose now, but it would've been nice if it had happened sooner.

look, i know this is a lot of criticism for a book i keep saying i liked. i really did enjoy it. harrow the ninth also had to grow on me, and u know i love that shit now. i like when a book is a puzzle, and the locked tomb is one of those thousand piece motherfuckers. right now nona gets a 6.5/10 from me, but mayhaps that will change on another reread.

anyways here's my highlight reel:

i was thrilled when gideon woke up and made a joke about stealing palamedes' girl

it’s so fucked up that ianthe wore babs' body like a little suit (complimentary) and when that body hugged corona omg. recall the last time the sisters saw each other. so fucking juicy. i love her

i LOVED the nun. pre-res anastasia? when she did the thing with the gun??? delicious

the thing with anastasia's bones at the very end Intrigued Me Deeply, and i want to know more about her relationship with alecto

the part where pyrrha told nona about her terrible shirt made me cry, which is funny bc the shirt had a sex joke on it

THE PART WHEN AIGLAMENE TOOK GIDEON'S FACE IN HER HANDS AND FLINCHED BACKWARDS BECAUSE SHE RELEASED SHE WAS LOOKING AT A CORPSE, AND SAID THEY KILLED YOU, AND GIDEON JOKED ABOUT IT, AND AIGLAMENE TURNED TO HARROW FURIOUSLY FOR LETTING GIDEON DIE, OW MY HEART

did not expect gideon to do a kill on crux, liked it, liked how she reacted to it, still don't think it's really gideon as we know her though

like she was MEAN. she was so sassy!!! i know she is sassy in general, but she was like NICE sassy in the other books, why is she acting like the villain version of herself, the stuff she said about becoming john's cavalier was so fucking weird, i don't think it was a front??? but why would she want that??? she was so MEAN

i hope she and ianthe are actually friendship bracelet wearing buds though like imagine when harrow finds that out. hilarious

i REALLY liked the fucked up nun. like a LOT

[kilojulietsierra]

Do You Take This Man? (Ragnar the Younger x OFC - One Shot)

Started watching The Last Kingdom last week and already on season three lol Ragnar was definitly the first Dane that caught my eye

Warnings: 18+ content, they’re Danes so crude talk, marriage negotiations, mentions of violence, first time sex, outdoors sex, slightly au, pregnancy, brief mention of pregnant sex

~~~~

"Ragnar the Younger,  It would be a better match than even our father could have wished." Tovah said as he sat by the fire, staring through the flames at his sister.

"It is. I am not arguing that." She snapped back at him, "I'm not arguing the man."

"You're arguing the marriage itself then." He wiped the grease from his hands and pulled another bite of meat from the bone, "Sister I love you, I do. But, i want a woman and Gods knows I cannot suffer another one until you are gone." He laughed as he dodged a stick flying at his head. "Let me hear your argument then."

"I have no argument." She took a bite of her own food. "I only wish to make the decision myself when the time comes."

"You know the choice is yours Teeva. I only ask that... "Her brother sighed deeply, "Do not deny him just for the sake of being a pain in the ass."

~~~

Ragnar Ragnarson, son of Ragnar the Fearless, Sat across from them in the hall that their father had built. Tovah and Teeva sat on either side of the fire, Ragnar between them. A tactic. Teeva wanted to see who he would address more, her or her brother.

He was tall, strong, fearsome and handsome, all things she was pleased to see. But also annoyed, these things would all make it the harder to refuse him if his offer was anything close to respectful.

"So tell me Ragnarson, what would you have my sister for?" The pleasantries, the little that Danes bothered with, aside Tovah got to the heart of the matter. They all knew why Ragnar was here.

Ragnar held her brothers gaze, "I would have her for a wife."  He looked to her, calm and steady, "If you speak of price  I have brought silver, though I'm sure it is not enough."

"Why do you say that?" Teeva cocked her head to the side.

He spoke to her brother when he said, "I imagine there is not enough silver in all the North, Wessex or Denmark," He then spoke to her, "That could convince Teeva Tovarsdottir to become chained to a man that sought to put her in her place, to claim her and tame her."

"Then why are you here." Her voice was cold as was her gaze but her heart pounded in her chest at the way he held her gaze and quirked the corner of his mouth in a smile.

"Because I am a man who would not do these things." He leaned forward, turned his gaze on her brother. "I was there when our fathers raided Heimsdeep together." Both the siblings flinched, and Ragnar spared them a pause out of respect. "And I was there with you when his man betrayed him there."

Tovah interrupted him, "Our families have always been good and loyal allies."

"And that will not change," His eyes flicked to her and then back, "No matter how this ends."

Tovah nodded deeply, raised his cup of ale in agreement.

Ragnar continued, "I was also there at Moran's, you know this, when the son and daughter of Tovar took their revenge." This time when his eyes landed on Teeva they did not leave, did not waver. Icy green boring into hers, dark and lush like the forest. "I saw you fight with sword and shield and bare hands along side your brother, and along side your father's men. A true shield maiden."

Her cheeks warmed and she hoped it was hidden by the hues of the fire. She had no words so she only nodded her thanks at the compliment.

" Any man that would try to take that fire from her would be doing all Dane's a dishonor. She's afraid I am that kind of man but I am not."

"Then what kind of man are you Ragnar Ragnarson?" Tovah braced his elbows on his knees and leaned towards the other Dane. "What would you give her if you are not these men that would see her... tamed?"

Ragnar smiled and looked away from Tovah, answering his question but clearly speaking to Teeva. "I am a man that would see her with braids in her hair and ink on her skin. I would give her a reputation, lands, a hall, people who would follow her and respect her as they would me. I would give her a good, strong name from a long line of warriors, all of whom would smile down on a woman like this." He was smiling now, tight lipped but a smile nonetheless, creasing his forehead and the corner of his eyes.

Teeva had almost forgotten her brother was in the room, nearly jumped when he asked another question. "And what would you have her give you in return?"

Now he smiled, truly smiled, and it made her nervous. She was certain this is where her silly, fragile fantasy would end.

"I would ask only of her to give me strong sons and clever daughters, a safe hall, respect for my people, and a warm bed at night." He winked with the last, his smile wide and his eyes dancing like the fire before them. "And an extra sword at my side should I need it."

They held each others gaze for a long, silent moment, sizing eachohter up. Teevas heart was pounding in her ears.

Almost as if he had forgotten him too, Ragnar turned back to Tovah. "I know how you care for your sister, and she for you. I wish not to stamp down that fire within her, I would rather stoke it. See her become the woman the gods mean for her to be."

The men shared a long, discerning look of their own before Tovah looked to her over the fire, "Well sister, the man has said his piece, and I am for it. In my eyes this would be a match our ancestors and his would both be proud of."

Teeva studied Ragnar, now slouched back comfortably in his seat, relaxed under her gaze. Dare she say enjoying it.

When she spoke she made sure her voice was clear and strong, "Give me the night to consider."  

~~~

The small camp against the hillside was quiet, the fires doused and the men asleep in their furs. Canvas strung from tree branches made for a few simple shelters. On bare feet Teeva crept through the trees, her feet cold but light on the soft ground. She had paid attention, knew which canvas she needed.

He lay on his back, on a single, thick fur, with his arms crossed above his head and his feet propped up on his saddle. He did not snore, did not move or even twitch. His chest rose and fell  and was bare, the night air comfortable enough to sleep that way, but a second fur was draped over his lower half.

Standing a few feet away she watched for a long moment, steadying her breath, until she was sure her approach had not awoken him. Then on soft, slow feet, with a dagger in her hand she approached. She paused, within arms reach of him. Satisfied she was still undetected, she moved. Reached for his throat with the blade and to cover his mouth with her hand.

In an instant , the mere beat of a heart, she watched in panic as his eyes snapped open, his lips turned in a smile and she was on her back in the blink of those green eyes, head spinning and the wind knocked out of her.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" He whispered, crouching above her, keeping her pinned to the ground.

"Shouldn't you?" She whispered back through gritted teeth.

Ragnar continued to smile as he plucked the knife from her fingers and stuck in the ground next to them. "There are only two reasons for you to be here, I cannot wait to hear which it is?"

Her lungs finally full of air again she breathed deep, noticing the way his eyes jumped from her face to her chest with the motion. When his eyes came back to hers she was smiling back at him, a small, cheeky grin. "I have not made my decision yet."

He sat back on his haunches, keeping only one hand on her shoulder to keep her in place. "Decision? On if you will kill me rather than be my woman?"

"I did not come to kill you Ragnar Ragnarson."

Ragnar could not help but notice how relaxed she seemed in her position, he considered whether it was because she truly feared nothing... or only that she did not fear him. His eyes flicked to the knife again, "The knife leads me to believe otherwise, Leeva Tovarsdottir."

Her smile grew and Ragnar felt something spark within him, deep within him.

"It serves only to make a point."

"And what point was that."

"That I am in control."

He laughed, his grip on her shoulder tightening, as he fought to keep himself quiet. Again, he noticed she did not flinch away from him or his hand. "Says the one on her back."

"Is that not how you would prefer me?" Her eyes were dangerous. Daring, goading him into making a misstep and failing this little challenge of hers.

Ragnar chewed the inside of his cheek, tasting his next words before he spoke them. He let her go, plucked the blade from the earth and wiped it over his breeches. Flipping it gracefully over his fingers before offering it back to her, handle first. "I would have you many ways, all of which I would love to show you, but only if you speak plainly. Why are you here?"

Her face changed. Right before his eyes, so subtle he might have missed it in the darkness if not for their closeness. The warrior in her was gone, even for just a moment, and the girl was there. The pretty young girl, on the eve of a marriage. A nervous, beautiful, young girl.

Teeva fortified herself as much as she could, ignoring the heat in her cheeks and the tightness in her chest. "Is it so outside of reason for a girl to know?"

Ragnars face scrunched, brow furrowed in confusion, "Know what?" He still held the blade in one hand, braced against his bent knee.

She rolled her eyes and took a deep breath. Noticing with a thrill that this time Ragnars eyes held firmly to her own and did not go wandering. So, there on the ground in his little makeshift tent, surrounded by the furs still warm from his body heat, she told him the truth. "I want to know that I will enjoy it." His face did not change, his brow remained furrowed as he shook his head, still not understanding. "That I will enjoy... being married."

Still, his face remained unchanged, if anything his eyes narrowed more.

"You know... being... with the man I marry." If the earth would open up and swallow her she would have thanked the Gods.

Then, slowly, his face softened, the creases disappeared from his forehead, his eyes widened, and his smirk returned. Holding her eyes captive with his he reached for her right hand and with his own, lifted it to take the handle of the knife he still offered her. He guided her to wrap her fingers around the leather grip and took in the way her breathing had become shallow and rapid. WIthout words he moved, taking her hand that held the knife and guiding it. Until her right arm was stretched to its full length out to the side.

Ragnar, hand still wrapped tightly around hers still holding the knife, leaned in closer. He placed the tip of the blade against the earth and pushed. Slowly, steadily, together they drove the blade into the dirt. His forehead nearly touching hers he finally spoke, "Beautiful girl," His voice was low and rough, his eyes took in her face. He had never been this close to her before and even in the dark of night she was breathtaking. "If you do not enjoy it, you can take that blade and cut my throat."

Teeva gasped, her whole body trembling as Ragnar laid his body over hers and claimed her lips. Their hands fell from the handle of the dagger and found each other instead. Fingers weaving together as Ragnar nipped at her tongue and swallowed down her moans. He moved, steadily, kissing across her face to her ear, taking the lobe of it between his teeth before licking and sucking his way down her neck. "Tell me, is this what you wanted?"

"Yes." She sighed it out, tipping her head back into the furs, fighting for room to breathe. This had been her plan. Truthfully. She had snuck from the hall to lay with Ragnar, but things were not going to plan at all. She was not in control. She had meant to stay in control. Ragnar taking control of her mouth again brought her back to reality.

Her free hand, moving on some sort of baser reflex, moved to dig into his bare, muscled back. It seemed that one small movement spurred him on.

"Tell me beautiful," His voice was raspy, he was sucking in breath like a man emerging from the sea. His eyes drove into hers, "Do you want me to take you? Do you want me to show you what it will be like? To be my woman, to lay with me." His smile came back, his eyes darkened, "Did you come out here tonight to hump me?" Ragnar was near chuckling as he said it. but his one hand still held hers tight and his other was wrapped around her thigh.

She had to fight for the breath and for her voice but she answered him, clearly and truthfully, "Yes."

His smile doubled and for the second time he moved too quickly for her to stop him. Only this time she found Ragnar on his back, smiling up at her where he had her straddling his hips. "Go on then." His hands slid up her thighs to her waist but did not move further.

Again she found herself incredibly bashful, "I have clothes on." She narrowed her eyes at him, motioning to herself, "I'm fully dressed!"

"Does not matter." He chuckled. Carefully he began to move her hips with his hands, pulling her forward, "Ride me."

Her gasp, the expression on her face,  as she finally felt the hardness of him beneath her was better in and of itself than half the fucks he'd had as a young man. Her eyes snapped open wide and her hands dropped to his torso to steady herself. He did not wait, continued to move her back and forth over him, Grinding her against his hard cock, watching in awe at the faces she made. Her fingers dug into his torso and he had to grit his teeth to control himself. "Keep going." A groan escaped him as she pressed down against him harder, "Just like that."

Soon she was speeding up, his grip on her no longer controlling her movements. To be honest, Teeva herself, was not even in control of her movements. Her hips moved on their own, chasing whatever that wonderful, tingling sensation was deep between her legs. She was leaned down low over him, her hips rocking back and forth erratically over the press of his cock, the friction of their clothing between them helping her along, "Oh shit, oh... oh gods... what..."

Ragnar snarled through bared teeth, "Yes, you feel it, chase it." He surged up to kiss her, sinking a hand deep into her loose hair and taking a firm grip, moving her how he wanted her. Their mouths clashing together, all teeth and tongues as she moaned and whimpered through her release. Her short nails dug into his sides, hard enough he thought she may truly have drawn blood and a deep, uncontrollable shiver ran the length of his spine. "Gods you are a gift Teeva." He muttered the words against her lips. "So," He kissed her again, "Tell me pretty girl," He kept his hand in her hair, holding her tight, his other hand loose on her hip. "Do you want my cock? " He rolled his hips beneath her and revelled in the way she responded in kind, "Let me show you, hmm," He tugged on her hair, hard enough to tip her head back so that he could mouth greedily at the side of her neck, "Let me show you what I have for you." He rolled his hips again. "Let me show you how I will fuck my wife."

~~~

She was still naked and trembling slightly under the fur, though she was not cold and no longer nervous.

Ragnar lay next to her, propped up on one elbow while his free hand, his sword hand, traced unreadable patterns over her bare back. "So, Teeva, daughter of Tovar," He whisper against the back of her neck as he leaned into her, his hand splayed wide over the small of her back. "What have you decided? Hmm?" He kissed her there and then kissed his way to the shell of her ear, "Have I humped you well enough?" He sucked her earlobe between his lips and smiled when she shivered, "Have I swayed you? Would you marry me? Hmm. Can I have you in my bed every night, pretty girl? Make you my own and let you ride my cock whenever you please?" He chuckled as she groaned a little beneath him, half halfheartedly rolling away from him.

"Stop teasing."

He could not help the wide smile then, tugging her to him and rolling her onto her back. "Never." Ragnar reached a hand up to her face and held her, moving his thumb up to smooth the worry from her brow. "You should know, if you deny me now I'll have no choice but to kidnap you."

Teeva snorted out a laugh but leaned into the touch, "Oh really?"

"I swear it." He kissed the corner of her eye, "You are fierce and strong, beautiful beyond my words," He waited for her to relax and then continued, "And even now, spent as I am, you have my cock harder than forged steel."

She shoved him then, glaring but inside celebrating that such a feared and respected man let her handle him this way. Her eyes fell to the knife she had brought still stuck in the dirt at the edge of his furs, where he had left it, well within her reach if she had needed it. "Are all men this insatiable?"

He did not hesitate to respond, "Only when our women are this irresistible." He winked at her and in return she rolled her eyes. "Tell me now woman, will I ride out of here with you as my wife, or as my captive?"

"You will have to wait and see tomorrow won't you Ragnar Ragnarson?" She kissed him and then crawled out from under the furs to dress as quickly as she could. Hard to do with his hands and lips working against her every step of the way.

~~~

"Earl Ragnar, i hope you slept well." Tovah greeted him and his men as they entered the hall the next morning.

Ragnars eyes did not waver from her brother, but Teeva saw the corner of his lip pull back. "Very well, considering I have been anxiously awaiting an answer." When he did look her way Teeva revelled in the way it made her want to blush and hide as much as it wanted to make her smirk and stand up tall.

After last night she was certain of it. Ragnar was a man that would not treat like a cow to be bred or a slave to keep his hall. He would keep her as his wife, respect her, honor her, fight for her, father her strong sons and clever daughters. He would put her to bed every night satisfied and love her every day of his life. Here and in Valhalla.

Tavah laughed and stood to take Ragnar by the shoulders, "Then you'll be happy. My sisters first words to me this morning were that she accepts the marriage."

Ragnar embraced the slightly older Dane back and smiled, "The gods have honored me," He looked to her then, catching her eye as he continued, "more than I deserve." Ragnar looked back to her brother, slapping him hard on the back as he stepped away and towards Teeva. With a steady hand  he cupped her face gently and stroked his thumb over her brow just as he had done last night, "And I promise to live every day of my life so that I honor you in return."

The look in his eyes took her breath away as much as his words had. It was a struggle to speak as she wrapped her hand around his sturdy forearm and met his gaze, "I look forward to it."

~~~

Teeva was laughing so hard that she could hardly breathe, watching as her brothers men and Ragnars men... her husbands men, drank and played games in celebration. Watching as half a dozen men went stumbling through the fire pit and falling on their asses. She laughed as her brother and Ragnar, her husband, laughed and cheered and embraced each other in victory.

Ragnar stepped aside and accepted a mug of ale, still laughing as he raised it to his lips, but he caught her eye as he drank. She was staring at him and married or not he saw the faintest blush at her throat at being found out. She did not look away though and that made his blood sing through him. Leaving others to their games he crossed the yard to where she sat by a fire. Her eyes held his the whole way.

"You certainly look like you're enjoying yourself." She greeted him with a jest and a smile.

Without hesitation he took a knee before her where she sat, placing himself between her legs and leaning into her, his arms braced against the chair on either side of her thighs. From this position he was only a few inches away from her but had to tilt his chin up, just slightly, to look at her. "And you, sitting here with your bright smile and flushed cheeks, hmm? Are you enjoying yourself? Watching?"

"Am I not allowed to enjoy watching? My husband?" She sounded braver than she felt as she spoke, her fingers reaching out to toy with the end of Ragnar, her husbands, beard.  

A growl rose low in his throat as he leaned in closer, tugging her to the edge of her seat to meet him,  "Say it again."

She lifted the hand not holding her drink to cup his jaw, "My husband."

"Say it louder." Her pulled her flush against him, until she was barely in the seat.

If he had not been looking at her the way he was, she would never have done it. But, his eyes were burning for her and his grip was tight so she raised her voice, "My husband!"

In one easy movement, as if it was nothing, he stood with her, his arms under her ass and hoisting her up until she was at least two heads above the rest of the crowd. "Louder!"

She did not hesitate. With one hand at the back of his head to hold herself steady, eyes still locked with his, she raised her horn of ale in the air and yelled, "My husband!!"

An echoing roar of cheers and laughter rang through the hall and the yard as their people celebrated with them.

Rather than letting her down, Ragnar turned and sat in the seat she had just been sitting in, letting her settle so that she was straddling his lap. Still smiling ear to ear he kept one hand on her ass and stole her drink with the other. He finished the ale in one long gulp and then slammed the horn down next to him, his eyes never leaving hers. "Kiss me wife."

Which she did, her left hand still rested at the back of his head, under the base of his braid, and she used it to pull them together.  

The kiss was short and sweet and Ragnar was not having it. When she pulled away he trapped her in his arm. She would say he snarled if it hadn't been so full of adoration, "Like you mean it woman."

The comment earned him a bite on the cheek but the second kiss was well worth it. Teeva pressing herself fully against him as she allowed him to ravage her mouth, giving as good as she got.

~~~

When she woke the next morning the fire had burned low, down to glowing embers, and she knew it was only Ragnar behind her that kept her from shivering. Her eyes focused slowly, her head hurt from the ale, but she glanced around the hall. None of the others had stirred yet. So, carefully, she made to move but the strong arm around her flexed and held her tightly.

"Don't move." He whispered in her ear. She froze. "I'm comfortable." He breathed out a nearly silent chuckle as she relaxed against him, dropping a kiss to her shoulder as she settled back into him.

"The fire is going to die." She whispered over her shoulder. When he did not respond she opened her mouth to say it louder only to  have his hand cover her mouth.

Now wide awake, eyes blazing as he turned her to face him. She glared daggers at him.

Ragnars eyes were still half lidded when he mouthed the word, "Hush." Then he removed his hand from her mouth, replacing it with his lips for a fleeting moment before closing his eyes and settling back into the furs spread over the hard, wood floor.

Quieted, but still outraged she turned slightly and bit him hard on the shoulder, clamping down on the skin through the fabric on his tunic.

His eyes shot open, his teeth gritted, bared as he let out a silent hiss at the pain. Ragnar dug his hand in her sleep mussed hair and pulled her face blush with his, whispering harshly, one word through still gritted teeth, "Vixen." Then he was shoving his tongue into her mouth and stealing any smart remarks she may have had before she could say them. Once she was thoroughly breathless he whispered to her, lips brushing the apple of her cheek. "My head hurts. Be quiet, lay down, and let me enjoy having you in my arms."

Her anger, fleeting as it was, dissipated and she dropped a feather light kiss to his lips. Letting out a long, content sigh as Ragnar smiled, closed his eyes, and brought her to lay her head on his chest. Soon finding herself dozing off to the solid, steady beat of his heart and the feeling of his rough fingers massaging her scalp where his hand was still buried in her hair.

~~~

It was a long journey to Dunholm. Many miles spent in the saddle and many nights sleeping on furs laid on the ground. It was worth it though when she topped the final ridge, and she saw it for the first time.

Ragnar had pulled his horse to a stop beside hers as she took it in.

It was bigger than she had imagined, an imposing fortress high on a hill, visible from miles away but impenetrable. Ragnar had told her the story of how they had taken it, how he had claimed his revenge on Kjartan. Teeva knew this stronghold was a source of pride for her husband, and now for her too.

With his usual, tight lipped but soft smile, Ragnar stepped his horse sideways. Moving until his leg was pressed against hers, the horses shoulders pushing together. He placed his right hand on the top of her horses rump and leaned into her space. Her hair brushing his temple as he spoke, "Well, what do you think? Does it suit you? What does Teeva, wife of Ragnar Ragnarsson say about her new home?"

Teeva smiled, turned her head just enough to press their foreheads together. "I will hold my judgement until I've seen the state of the inside."

Ragnar laughed loudly and stole a quick kiss. "We hurry on then."

As the gates swung open Ragnar once again came up close beside her, hand on her saddle and lips against her ear, "Welcome home."

~~~

"Have you night tired of me yet lord?" Teeva laughed, fighting to catch her breath.

Ragnar let out a sound, half groan half laugh. "If you want me to tire of you, you should stop making such pretty sounds while my cock is inside you." To prove his point he thrust into her, hard, moving her further up the bed with the motion, drawing one of those beautiful little gasps from her throat. "See, like that." He began to pick up his pace again, nearly snarling in pleasure as she clawed at the back of his thighs. Urging him forward. Her volume increasing with every snap of his hips.

He still lay on top of her, his cock softening and her fingers massaging the muscles in his back,  when they both heard footsteps on the steps outside their rooms. Ragnar growled in annoyance and buried his face in her neck. Choosing to ignore the coming intrusion, instead enjoying the heaving of Teevas chest beneath him and faint aftershocks of her fluttering cunt.

"Ragnar, if you love me, you will kill whoever is about to come to our door." Her fingers moved to the back of his neck and into the loose, disheveled blonde hair he had yet to pull back. As it was far too early to be out of bed.

The Dane chuckled and mouthed at her neck, groaning with the effort of pulling away from her, out of her. He paused, braced above her on solid, swordsman's arms and dropped his forehead to hers, "As my lady wishes."

The knock at the door surprised neither of them, they remained silent. Staring into each others eyes with matching, mischievous smirks. Then from outside, "Earl Ragnar?" was followed by another, louder knock.

Ragnar chuckled, soft puffs of air escaping his nose, and moved to kiss the ink at his wife's temple. A symbol to match his own. Then with more energy and more grace for  a man so large, and no longer so young, jumped from the bed grabbed his sword from it's belt striding across the room and  opened the door.

The younger Dane was surely shocked to see his chief opening the door sword in hand, naked, cock still half hard and nothing but  the scars and ink markings on his chest to cover him.

With a straight and serious face Ragnar spoke, "My wife has instructed me to kill whoever is on the other side of this door. This is your one chance to change my mind. Speak plain and fast." Ragnar heard Teeva behind him laughing quietly but his face remained hard.

"Forgive me sir, but Uhtred Ragnarson is riding to the gate."

With just a nod of his head Ragnar sent the boy away, his face breaking into a smile as he swung the door shut. Approaching his wife and their bed again, leaning is sword against the wall beside it. "This will be a good day."

"And why is that?" Teeva sat up in bed, pulling the furs around her against the winter cold, welcoming Ragnar into them as he came back to the bed.

Pushing her down to her back he kissed her, then kissed her throat, and her breast. "Because," he looked up from where he was pressing kisses over her belly, his large, rough hands cradling the small bump there, "My wife, the love of my soul is growing another strong, fair haired, green eyed, fearsome son in her belly." He crawled the length of her naked body to kiss her. And when he pulled away he was still smiling, "And today is the day my little brother finally comes back to be where he belongs"

~~~ The End ~~~

First time writing for this fandom but I already have a few ideas for other stories! Thank you for reading and let me know what you think!

[yakumtsaki]

Welcome to Generation 4, and no spoilers but what the fuck. For reasons that will become obvious, I have to start this generation with a culminative update on everyone post-college. We begin, as all bad things do, in the main house. Sophito and Eliza have been invited over so we can ask their dumb asses to move in (since we’re over the household limit, fml) but we’ve ran into the problem of them refusing to get out of the hot tub.

-So babe, after we bang in the hot tub do you wanna knock my new teeth implants out? -You know it! -SOPHITO GET OUT ALREADY SO I CAN ASK YOU TO MOVE IN -In a minute, mom, gawd!

-Do you think your mom will like me, Soph? -I can’t see how she wouldn’t after watching us have sex in her hot tub!

-Great job knocking my son’s teeth out, Eliza! -Thank you, Mrs. Miguel!  -Please, call me Mom! 

LOL ya I had a feeling you two violent lunatics would hit it off. 

In case you were wondering, Shajar remains THE WORST. Cyneswith is more excited to see Sophito again than his own mother is.

-Welcome home, son! You made your mama proud with all that hoeing, huhu!🌸

-CYN, ARE YOU AWARE THAT SOMEONE IS MAKING OUT IN OUR HOUSE THAT ISN’T YOU AND iVAN?!? IS THAT EVEN LEGAL???

Ah, it’s like we never left!

Jojo is unironically 106yo so it’s wedding time, no time to draw this out at all.

-This wedding looks like garbage >:(

Excuse me?? I even got you those Celebration balloon chairs, I normally get the cheap garden ones and call it a day. If I even bother getting chairs at all, that is!

-I don’t care!!! I want my dream wedding!!!

Ya, best we can do around here is your dream divorce.

-Oh Sophito, standing here with you, in front of our families who don’t give a fuck and June in a wedding dress, brings up so many emotions.. Mainly the urge to scream hysterically.. -It’s gonna be ok babe, just stay calm. Focus on me and the fact I managed to not pop the collar on my wedding suit!

Awww, congrats guys!

-What the fuck is your mother wearing?

LOL sorry I forgot to change her formalwear!

-It’s still better than June’s. 

I SAID I’M SORRY

Despite some small sartorial problems, this is actually one of the better weddings we’ve ever thrown? There’s smustling..

..brotherly reunions..

..more brotherly reunions..

..and a zombie vs robot deathmatch! I don’t know what more Liz wanted, tbh.

A great wedding, if I say so myself!

-It was not. 

Whatever! Time to move on!

Daniel reunites with his bebes and meets their intendeds, who have moved in next door!

-Blue Meatballs, what a throwback! Going from my brother to my daughter.. Wow, I REALLY don’t know how I feel about that.

Let me help, you feel happy! 

-Do I though?

Yes, because June is happy, God help us. 

-Ok then!

June’s little sisters idolizing her is SO CUTE I CANNOT..

..it also makes perfect sense as Cleo and Cecilia are the biggest fucking nerds I’ve ever played, I think I’m legit gonna go in a Curious Bros direction with them.

We leave Daniel in perpetual happiness with Tara and his human and cat bebes-

-and move to Asshole Manor! Ok you two, take a break.

-What? But that’s only the 8th time we’ve banged today!

IT CAN WAIT. 

-It really can’t, we’re 90yo! 

Ya exactly, so the time has come..

..to reconnect, and in Gunther’s case, MEET your kids. Reginald stop thinking about crypto FOR 1 SECOND GOOD LORD

It quickly becomes apparent that we’re dealing with a level of estrangement that a few visits aren’t gonna fix, so it’s time for Gun and Mel to take their kids on a vacation! Isn’t this exciting, kids? 

-Fuck our lives💜 -I’m a woman of science but I kept praying for our plane to crash.  -It’s only 3 days, guys, how bad can it be?  -Our rooms have no computers, Reginald. -That’s not a thing, then people wouldn’t be able give financial advice on the internet! -Ya, they are not. -YOU’RE LYING. GET AWAY FROM ME

-Listen son, this isn’t easy for me to say.. -It’s ok, dad, I think I know what you’re thinking. -Then would you please get out so I can bang Melody in this sauna?

-Let’s go, kiddos, this is gonna be fun!  -Uh, mom, where’s the pilot?💜 -I’m the pilot! -Since when?? -Since this very morning when I took a class! I’ve topped 7 careers, how hard can this be? 

-I am relaxed.. I do not need to give financial advice on the internet..

-I am centered.. I do not need to give financial advice on the internet..

-I am floating.. I do not need to give financial advice on the internet.. -Hey kid, any suggestions on what to order around here? -You mean.. ADVICE on how to ALLOCATE your meal BUDGET?!?

How’s it going, JuJu?

-Having a lot of fun eating soup with chopsticks💜  -Can we go home already? I’m losing career momentum, at this rate I won’t be Chief of Staff by age 23! 

Fine, fine, we’ve made some valuable bonding progress already:

-Aaaaah, isn’t this great? -It sure is, mom!💜 -How many ‘get promoted’ wants do I need to roll before you take a hint? -You know, June, you get your workaholism from me!  -Oh ok then, that definitely makes up for being a teen girl growing up without a mother! 

OOF, ok this will take some time, let’s check out.

We return home and June straight tops the medical career-

-AT THIS AGE. I CANNOT. You know what will make this day even better??

HUHU💙🧆

We’re officially Blueballed! Man, that doesn’t sound right. Look at Melody in her matching teal dress, supportive queen! 

-It seems like yesterday I was trying to break Lakshmi and Gunther up, and now here she is, marrying my daughter!

Ok, legit let’s not think too hard about this because it’s very upsetting. Julian and Stacy I’ve decided I will not marry since they don’t want to and they’re married in their 💜s anyway. Next household..

..and I’m gonna let this picture speak for itself. I found out something genuinely shocking: BRIT AND HALF-ALIEN PROF ARE BFFS. Like they’ve been friends since BEFORE Trista banged Gunther, in her memory panel she become besties with Brit first?? Wtf. 

-We’re gonna be family now, isn’t that exciting, Brit Brit? -OH YA, IT’S EVERY MOTHER’S DREAM: HER SON GROWING UP AND MARRYING HER BEST FRIEND -I know, right?  -THIS IS SICK! -You’re on to talk, Castor, he’s probably into older women because of you and Brit!  -BRIT WASN’T MY PROFESSOR, TRISTA -I wasn’t Reginald’s professor either, I’m an art prof! So I’m broke to boot!  -I’m gonna go lie down. -Ya, right behind you, darling, but I think I’m gonna vomit first! Which is a shame because I just ate some excellent quail’s legs! 

Brit is acting up against this marriage like a rebellious teen, soaping her own gaudy fountain.

-That will teach Reginald! 

It really won’t!

LOL @ SHOWING UP IN YOUR SWEATPANTS, COME ON BRIT

-I WILL NEVER ACCEPT THIS. 

What about now that Reggie gave birth to a beautiful ginger half-alien bb named BRITANNICUS? (I figured Half Alien Prof knocking him up made canon sense, hehe.)

-Ok, I accept this🖤

Good! Time for our final household!

Sugar and Claire! They adopted a bunch of Wulf’s 30 pets and moved into this beautiful house that I of course didn’t build.

Sugar autonomously knocked Claire up the literal second they moved in so we had a shotgun wedding..

..catered by Claire!

-What are these salads you guys are eating?? -Oh uh.. we kinda brought them with us.  -WHY -Uhh.. We don’t feel worthy of your food? -AWWWW. That’s true, you’re not! 

Sugar actually started the military career at like level 8 thanks to his insane college grades and I was like wtf??

-I got fired :(

Ya, that’s more like it.

Claire is also doing shockingly well, she’s a lvl 9- 

-And I’ll be a level 10 once I figure out how ovens work!

-and she gives birth to a beautiful bb whom Sophito attempts to kidnap after showing up uninvited, wtf. Anyway, the bb is a boy and I name him Spice! Now Claire has Sugar, Spice, and everything nice :)

I don’t know what drugs Sophito is clearly on because it appears he came over to legit.. help the new parents? Like he fed Spice and then started cleaning? Very shocking stuff in this family.

Sugar is a really good parent, I don’t know where the fuck he could have possibly learned this but it’s super cute!

AND HE TOPS HIS CAREER AND GETS THIS INSANE BONUS. YAS

I’m so proud of you!!! And boy was that cavalier hat doing a lot of heavy lifting when it came to your face. 

Spice grows up and the Don nose claims another generation :(

-Ah, I’m so glad my son is learning this at age 2 and not age 12 like I did :)

Claire is skilling like crazy because let me tell you, she is UNQUALIFIED AS FUCK. Like legit Wyatt-tier when he started as a SWAT Team Leader and was missing half the necessary skill points..

..and it turns out to be a complete time waste because she tops her career by chance card LOL

Congrats, Claire!!! 

-I knew I’d make it! Claire’s Frozen Meat Delights™ is going global! 

It sure is! Globally banned! What a perfect day, I’m sure nothing will ruin it! Why am I hearing hearts??

Oh right, it’s because SUGAR IS BANGING JESSICA PICASSO WHOM HE BROUGHT OVER FROM WORK

WHAT THE FUCK SUGAR

-I couldn’t help it, we practically have the same face!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU OMG 

-My genes! 

BRUH. Real talk I legit didn’t know what the fuck to do with this, I haven’t felt as bad as I did for Claire since DANIEL. I think this is very true to life too, like how many hot girls ‘give a chance’ to some fug guy because he was nice/funny/whatever and he ends up cheating?? Fucking hell.

I quickly decide there’s no coming back from this because I even stopped Sugar and then he went back and BANGED JESSICA AGAIN and is full on in love with her:

ONE BOLT. 1 VS 3 WITH CLAIRE. I CANNOT WITH THIS LOSER- 

-so I invite Jessica over so Claire can catch them, this is truly BULLSHIT.

Claire loves him so much she’s straight up heartfarting over him WHILE DIVORCING HIM. HE’S THE WORST

And poor Spice goes into aspiration failure because he had a fear of his parents divorcing, amazing! Great job, Sug!

-WAAAAAAAAH I CAN’T BELIEVE HAVING AN AFFAIR RUINED MY FAMILY, THAT’S NOT WHAT I LEARNED GROWING UP

GET OUT OF HERE SUGAR

Poor Claire immediately goes to teach Spice to talk so she can repair his aspiration..

..and beats up Jessica’s dumb ass. She then rolls the want to go on a date and I’m like don’t have to tell me twice:

WILFRED IS BACK LOL. Bro I still cannot fucking BELIEVE this has happened, Sugar was so loyal the entire time, I think once he got married it triggered the Cyn genes?? I have no other explanation for it. 

Now the question arises, what the fuck to do with Sugar, because I’m not playing a single Sugar household. So, with a heavy heart: 

-It’s ok, bro! -You’re not judging me for destroying my family for no reason whatsoever? :( -Of course not, who am I to judge?

-Sophito’s right, honey, your family, including your dad’s hot ass, will always be here for you with no judgment! Because we have absolutely no room to judge💗

-SUGAR YOU’RE A FUCKING DISGRACE. RUNNING OUT ON YOUR FAMILY LIKE A THIEF IN THE NIGHT, WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU  -I DIDN’T RUN, I WAS KICKED OUT! -SHUT YOUR STUPID TRAP. WE HAVE NOWHERE TO PUT YOU SO YOU’RE SLEEPING IN THE CRYPT WITH SANDY. NOW FUCK OUTTA HERE, I HAD TO INTERRUPT MY WOLF-WAITING TO BERATE YOU 

Sugar happily heads off to work the next morning along with Sophito but I’m not seeing him getting in the car..

..and it’s because JOJO STOPPED HIM TO DO THAT AUTONOMOUS LECTURE INTERACTION. I CANNOT

-Listen here, you absolute disappointment, as long as I’m head of this family you’re gonna be paying rent to live in my crypt! -Well that won’t be very long, you’re 108! -Sophie is gonna be head after me, so good luck with that! Now fork over that 55k bonus! 

-I don’t have that, Claire got it in the divorce! -YOU FUCKING WHAT. SO WHAT DO YOU HAVE -The 20k I moved in with :( -THAT’S AUTOMATIC -I know :( -GET OUT OF MY SIGHT 

Welcome home, Sugar!

Same, Sandy, same. 

[icarianarts]

More about me under the cut! ;P

Icarian • he/they/she (no preference) • transsexual • 21 y/o

I'm a Graphic Design Major ^_^

A running joke about me is a lot of my points of interest reflect that of a cishet boy but I promise I am normal about everything I get into. I may talk about some things more than others because I get embarrassed with what I like easily, but here's a general list!

General Movies + TV Shows

• Seinfeld

• The Birdcage

• The Yellow Submarine

• The Muppets

• The Shrek series (Unironically, whenever I talk about Shrek it is never for the meme, but for my love of the movies and characters.)

Various Adam Sandler movies + things that are so bad they're good, if that makes any sense. I love regularly watching tacky things that were poorly produced and/or written. Pretty much anything I can commentate on easily with my friends and complain about lightly LOL

Anime + Manga

• Jojo's Bizarre Adventure (Parts 1 + 3 + 6 are usually my areas of focus, but I have read all of it up to 9, which I've yet to really dive into.)

• Dragon Ball (Childhood interest of mine, I haven't watched the series regularly or have drawn fanart regularly since I was 14 or so. Hilariously, I still find myself to this day getting into conversations surrounding it so I might as well include it!)

• Berserk (I LOVE PUCK ^_^)

• Devilman (Obligatory post-Berserk catch up read so I could see the elements Miura was inspired by.)

Video Games

• Pretty much most Nintendo games, I have a baseline knowledge of everything under that company's label. (Focus on Pokémon + Mario + Kid Icarus + etc. it'll be glaringly obvious what my favorites are just by checking my old smash bros ultimate tags...)

• Mega Man Classic

• Second Life + VR Chat (If you ever consider wanting to play any of these games, feel free to shoot me an ask or DM if you'd like an insider's explanation on what the scene is like on them! I can go into great detail the amount of stories I have accumulated from my excursions, all the good and the bad LMAO)

• Genshin Impact (I do not engage with the fanbase, and find a lot of the fans genuinely exhausting to be around. While it is no worse than The Legend of Zelda with its issues, the fans remarkably make it so much more agonizing to talk about.)

• Ball Gay 3

Miscellaneous

• I love the Abrahamic Faiths and sometimes post about my experiences struggling in queer spaces predominantly ran by culturally christian white atheists who choose to say all organized faith is inherently bad and perpetuate the "queer vs. religion" issue.

• I went to a Japanese immersion school from the ages 5 through 11 and have been casually keeping up with the language since!

• I love classic country and folk rock. When I say I like country, I specifically mean the genre and general scene behind country that predates the 9/11 shift in music. I also (embarrassingly) know a shit ton of Beatles trivia. John Denver is my favorite music artist.

...and much more I am probably forgetting to list out! I am critical of all my interests, so please do not be presumptuous. Ultimately, I consider a lot of "Fandom DNI" things to be hypocritical and performative in the sense that it eliminates any nuance.

Simply put, I will just block you if you are someone who refuses to have any critical thinking skills...that being said, given how tumblrinas seem to be incapable of figuring out what that means, here is a brief rundown of what I that tends to encapsulate. LMAOOOOOO

No stupid discourse No creeps No "it's just fictional!" No whatever I deem to be genuinely sickening I know "DNI" pages are performative and areas for people to flaunt their basic morality but lately I have had to block so many people I feel as though I need to put a typical warning up so. You Know. Gestures Vaguely. For Genshin Fans specifically coming to my blog know I do not put up with any ship remotely creepy. I see a good portion of the "short" character model characters as children, and genuinely cannot "unsee" it. This is not something to argue in my asks about. Just leave me alone, I do not participate in the fandom for a reason.

[limpfisted]

DESCENT INTO AVERNUS. references for my own benefit! please blacklist #descent into avernus ref if not interested in seeing this content! i cannot provide alt text to the images from the handbook, however, i will be showing notes on what i read in between screenshots!

PART ONE: chapter one of the descent into avernus guide book. shitty screenshots and summaries

Important to WYLL:

baphomet is a demon lord worshipped by minotaurs. wyll has fought a minotaur in his many journeys, it is one of his favorite and most impressive stories to tell

belynne stelmane : of emperor alliance fame, she had a stroke due to the emperor, wyll had a crush on her, she is one of the four dukes

dillard potyr: another of the four dukes

klim jhasso: member of the noble family, the jhassos

mortlock and thurswell vanthampur: 3rd son and 1st of duke thalmara vanthampur

thalmara vamthampur: duke of bg

tiamut: five headed dragon queen of evil dragons, wyll stopped this dragon from taking over the city 7 years ago with mizora

grandduke ulder ravengard: wyll’s dad, obvs lol

thavius kreeg: high overseer of elturel, this is the place and person ulder went to go see before it fell

notes: zariel intends to take ofer baldurs gate next, zariel and thavius kreeg, the high overseer, have an infernal contract.

ulder is missing after having gone to elturel. the flaming fist is useless without him, and are even referred to as “distracted” and “thugs.” there are HUNDREDS of refugees trying to get in, the dead three already has its claws in bg obviously.

thalmura vhampur using tiamut’s gold (tiamut if u remember was the reason wyll was banished) to fund the dead threes murders

thalmura is doing this to “shatter the confidence” of people who believe in the flaming fist, and get them defunded. she has made a deal with zariel that when the fist is disbanded, she will take over as grandduke.

the shield of the hidden lord will help her smack bg into hell, and has been corrupting the morals of bg for “decades.” i guess this means if u take it away it’ll make bg better! her sons have stolen it

ulder is “valiant” but he “opposes” elturel

zariel was once an angel and you can redeem her, wild

zariel wanted the other angels to fight in thr blood war between demons and devils, she made an army called the hellriders, the hellriders LEFT her gay ass there, and kept that a secret from the world

zariel lost her army but also her hand and her sword she was holding. she told yael, her bff general, to take the sword and get out. ollianthius and haruman, her other two besties, refused to leave her side. they were sent to nessus, the lowest of the hells

asmodeus was like i know u tried to kill is but that was so cool, rule avernus for me bestie? and bel was mad about it, but zariel wanted to fight demons so fuckin bad she said yes. haruman was like ok bestie lets go. olanthius killed himself bc he was NOT a true ride or die, but zariel brought him back as a zombie, bc fuck u olanthius, that’s why

zariel ALWAYS wanted revenge on the hellriders, who went to eltruel. in 1444 dr, she got her chance. they were raken over by a vampire lord. thavius, a priest of thorm, appealed to any power to save his city, zariel said “hi” and he accepted her deal, and elturel was safe.

EXCEPT THAT IT WASN’T!!!

thavius actually just became high overseer, only to ask ravengard to come on over RIGHT BEFORE the time limit was up and elturel would be pulled to hell!! ravengard didn’t even WANT to go, he was pressured to, probs bc elturel was gaining power n turning into a proper nation, and they have various disputes that make ulder “at odds” with them!

thavius greeted the duke and then LEFT HIM THERE to “watch from a safe distance” then disguised himself as a refugee and then tells everyone elturel has fallen with HUNDREDS OF HIS OWN PEOPLE THA5 ARE REFUGEES BC OF HIS EVIL ASS, and then goes to chill with duke vanthampur in her VILLA, while all the tieflings are in RAGS.

more to come……..