#like i cant bring myself to drive without panicking

[lesbianshepard]

they should invent a driving a car that isn't scary

[craftypeaceturtle]

B is for Baby Time!

Summary: They finally get to meet the newest arrival for their family.

Note: Part of a series but can be read alone! The ABCs of their little family! Demus and Royality. 

The beginning- A is for Arrival

Next part: C is for Choas!

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They got the call at exactly midnight. The second it turned to December they had prepared everything ready in case the baby would be early; they would not run around like headless chickens when the moment came. They had a baby carrier filled with blankets and a change of baby clothes that stood guard over their front door. But the 10th of December passed without any update. Remus was particularly insufferable but then again Janus had his own special brand of impatience. But all of that fell to pieces when they finally got the call at midnight that their surrogate had gone into labour. The baby was coming.

Janus blanched as he violently slapped Remus’ arm to get him up. He got up and started storming down the stairs all while silently gaping at the phone. Remus slunked after him before it suddenly dawned on him why Janus would be panicking at a phone call. 

The plan had been to sit at home and wait until the baby was born then drive carefully and calmly to the hospital. That lasted a good... 20 minutes? “Do you want to go and wait in the hospital?” Janus finally sighed. Remus’ fidgeting stopped for the first time since the call.

“Why? Do you wanna sit in a waiting room for hours on end?” Remus kept staring ahead. 

“Well I don’t know about you, but I can totally just sit here for several more hours.”

“We...” Remus sighed and wiped at his eyes, “We should be making the most of this really. Our last night of uninterrupted sleep.”

“Okay then, go to sleep then,” Janus laughed. Remus chuckled.

“Okay, let’s get going shall we?” Remus got up and held out his curled arm like the gentleman he was. 

“We shall... after you put actual clothes on. I’m sure the nurses don’t want to see your manky boxers,” Janus chuckled and pulled and flicked him with the waistband.  

They launched themselves at the car and only just remembered to actually grab the baby carrier. Sitting in the hospital room both felt like a relief and horrifically underwhelming. There were here now! They were here ready for any and all news. No need to keep anyone hanging. They felt productive just sitting there. But also... Both of them were just sitting there. In their rushed on jogging bottoms and baggy jumpers, with Remus’ wild bed head and Janus’ own frizzy hair lying limply against his back. They were both shivering as the December weather leaked into the waiting room. “Just time to wait...” Remus smiled weakly. 

An hour passed awkwardly. The second hour passed both quickly and also as painstakingly slowly. 

Remus’ phone vibrated from his pocket:

Evil Twin Bro- Hey, you know lots of weird stuff about getting different stains out right?

- yep

-also it really isn’t that weird. 

-it’s called being an adult.

Evil Twin Bro- Do you know how to get blood out of t-shirt material?

-is it dried or nah

-soak in cold water

-wash like loads of times

Evil Twin Bro- I’ll kill you if this doesn’t work. Also, why are you awake at 2 in the morning you maniac!

-could ask you 2

Evil Twin Bro- I asked you first. 

-baby’s coming.

Evil Twin Bro- Wait really??????!!!!!!!!!

Evil Twin Bro- Congratulations!!!! 

-haven’t got the baby yet. waiting 4 surro. 

Evil Twin Bro- Are you at the hospital?

-yea

Evil Twin Bro- How long have you been waiting?

-like 2h

Evil Twin Bro- Woah, that’s rough. How you holding up?

-dunno

Evil Twin Bro- You don’t know?

-feel like I’m gonna vomit. but also excited. 

-well I don’t know if it’s good vomit or bad vomit y’know?

Evil Twin Bro- I really don’t. What are you lot doing then?

-J fell asleep. I’m trying to save battery on phone. 

-So just sitting here.

Evil Twin Bro- Do you want me to drop stuff off for you? Pat was planning this whole thing for when you lot got the baby. He was going to cook you lot some fancy dinner and take it to you three. So I don’t mind helping you out! I could give you some muffins (trust me you’ll start to get hungry) and I have an iPad with a few films downloaded so you won’t need wifi. 

-jesus why cant you be like everyone else and send a sentence at a time

-we’re all goiufhgb   

-Hello Roman. This is Janus. Yes, we would greatly appreciate you bringing some stuff. 

Evil Twin Bro- Haha, no problem!

“I can’t believe you’re dragging him here,” Remus sighed as Janus wordlessly passed his phone back. 

“Why not?” Janus answered honestly. His whole being looked dragged down by sleepiness. Remus shrugged and looked ahead. Janus usually put so much effort into his appearance. Even the most basic ‘going to the shop’ outfit was a dramatic black and yellow gothic Disney villain who actually did crimes look. But he was simply shrugged over in the chair. He looked sleepily up to him through his hair. 

“Why was he even asking all that at 2am anyway!” 

“You don’t want him to come?” Janus asked, Remus heaved a sigh and plopped his head on top of Janus’. 

“I dunno... I think I’m just tired and panicky. It’s all good,” Remus muttered off to a whisper. He pressed a kiss to his hair and closed his eyes. 

He didn’t actually sleep. He just wanted to stop all conversation. People continued bustling in and out and Janus managed to fall asleep again with his chin propped up against his chest. He was even letting out a steady stream of snorty snores. Remus kept his eyes closed hoping no one would try to start a conversation with him. Janus was the talker to other people of their relationship. He only opened his eyes when he felt a firm prod to his shoulder. 

“Hey Reem,” Roman whispered before flicking his forehead. 

“What do you want dickbag?” Remus answered without thinking. Janus thankfully stayed sleeping. Roman only gave a pity smile and held out his bag. He pulled out some muffins and bottles of flavoured water alongside the promised ipad covered in glittery space stickers. Remus was too busy dumping the bag on the floor to notice Roman trying to get him to stand up. 

“C’mon.” He gestured to over where the reception was. Remus nodded heavily and gently prised himself from Janus. 

Now that they were further away, Remus saw that another hour and a half had passed. “Woah, you took ages?” 

“Yeah, I thought about waking up Pat and then you have no idea what a nightmare it was trying to find a 24 hour shop. Like it was so much harder than I thought!” Roman now spoke loudly with his on brand gestures.

“Right...” Remus fluffed up his hair and slumped into another chair. Hmm, just as uncomfortable as the other. 

“You okay?” Roman lowered himself to his eye line, looking like he was talking to a spooked dog, “Like really?”

“Dunno. I-I just don’t know. I feel a bit all over the place to be honest,” Remus flung his head back, “What did you lot feel?”

“Pretty much the same,” Roman giggled, “Patton was a mess. I think it’s always one person does fine while the other has an existential crisis. That was definitely Pat. But he calmed down the second he got to see Logan.”

Remus nodded, not entirely sure if he was actually listening or just getting lost in the sensation of his heavy head tipping up and down. “Fair,”

“What’s going through your head right now?”

“Dunno... D-Do you...” Remus started before whipping his head to face the wall behind him, “do you think I’ll be like... I dunno a good dad?”

“Of course,” Roman slapped an hand on his shoulder. He was looking forward at the waiting room with an awkward wonky smirk. 

“Okay listen. Let’s be honest. Being emotional and gross with you just feels weird. I’ve been fine with having a baby before this. This is purely me panicking right now. As you said, I’ll be fine. So we can we not do emotional conversation?” Remus laughed awkwardly but he lightened up once Roman relaxed as well.

“Oh thank god you said it!” Roman laughed and melted back into his chair.

“Why were you coated in blood in the middle of the night anyway?”

“I wasn’t coated in blood,” Roman gasped way too loudly which Remus cackled at. Roman blushed bright red and nodded at the concerned receptionist, “I got the most random nose bleed out of nowhere and I knew you were the entire person in existence who wouldn’t question me.”

“You make me sound like a total weirdo! I would question you!”

“But you didn’t!” 

They settled into silence for a bit before inevitably Remus felt the need to speak, “How the hell did mum ever cope with twins? Like that seems like a lot...”

“Right?! Right after we had Logan, I think my mother’s day presents probably tripled in cost. She deserves it. Like all the same build up and worry but then you have another baby to come!” Roman shook his head.

“Aren’t babies are fairly gross as well?” Remus grimaced.

“Oh yeah! Don’t be put off from it! Oh, I feel so awful but the first time I saw Logan my first thought was ‘ew’. They don’t look anything like babies at first. Like Logan was blue with a traffic cone shaped head.”

“Their head is all fragile and mouldable. Janus made sure to show me pictures of newborns,” Remus stared off into nothing before turning to him with his signature smirk, only a little more tired, “But I am so telling Logan you thought he was an ugly baby.”

“Ahem,” Janus stood before them with an expectant look. Remus smiled and held out his arm which Janus jokingly shoved aside to sit down on the chair, “Hello Roman, I’m guessing you’re responsible for the pile of stuff that was at my feet.”

“Yep! How are you doing?” Roman smiled awkwardly.

“Tired but that’s to be expected. Are you staying long?” 

“No, actually that’s a good point! I really shouldn’t stay out longer. Pat will actually murder me for butting myself in,” Roman stood up with an exaggerated old man groan, “But... please text when you finally say hello to the little guy! I expect pictures!” 

Once Roman left, they wandered back over to their stuff and settled into a long night. Janus tried to stay awake. He knew that Remus was having a freak out. You would think it would be easy with the bright harsh lighting in the waiting room and the constant buzzing of conversation. Yet, his head bobbed lower and lower before Remus finally guided his head to his shoulder. He really tried but the tiredness and mix of emotions left him helpless. Remus only smiled at his useless husband before settling himself into Roman’s ipad. He settled into the Incredibles without much else to do. 

It was 5am when Remus saw the husband of the surrogate walk over to them. He didn’t think about it has he flung himself upwards, flinging Janus wide awake. The guy looked exhausted. “Hey, Remus and Janus?” He asked, thoroughly mispronouncing Janus, with his hand held out. Remus nodded awkwardly before thrusting a still waking up Janus at him.

“Yes, hello.” Janus shook his hand firmly. 

“Hey so the baby’s arrived,” He spoke softly as he walked back into the winding corridors he emerged from. They quickly followed after him, “He’s 6lb and about 20 inches. A little small thing but all healthy and average.”

“Aw, that’s all good to hear. Congratulations,” Janus sleepily smiled.

“Thanks but I think I’m supposed to be saying that to you two!” The guy chuckled awkwardly before he opened a door for them. 

Inside was the mother looking absolutely exhausted, curled up into her pillow with her frizzy hair thrown about the place. Janus subconsciously flicked his hand through his own hair, only now realising that he never brushed it before coming out. Ah well, not like anyone was looking their best for the demon of the baby that woke them all up. And of course there was the star of the show.

The baby was fussing a clear plastic crib looking thing, his reddened arms flinging around with his tiny little feet occasionally kicking. His face was screwed up but at least he wasn’t crying. He was simply laying there. The little boy that would change everything. 

Janus managed to pull away from the sight and say something to the mother. Remus deserved the first moments with their son. 

Remus looked at the mother but she was busy talking so he quietly shrugged before holding his hands out. It felt bad. They baby was clearly still fussy but quiet. What if picking him up set him off? But his hands were also hanging over him now. Sighing, he gently lowered his hands so they just about touched the tiny baby. He was warm to the touch and Remus grimaced at his thoughts that erupted from that. Maybe it was just because he was in a warm room. It felt like he was five years old all over again. It was like when a relative you barely know has a baby and just dumps the baby in your arms because it’s cute but you have no idea how to hold this fragile floppy new human. 

The baby sniffled at feeling his hands slowly worm underneath him but Remus then swiftly took hold of him and brought him to his chest, quietly shushing him without thinking. Thankfully, he settled down instantly. He was somehow both tiny and way heavier than he thought. “Heya little fella,” He cooed as he tried to uncurl his fist. The baby’s tiny little fingers uncurled and pressed back against his own finger. 

“He’s gorgeous,” Janus sighed as he came up behind Remus.

“Aw, he is. What are you guys naming him again?” The mother quietly asked.

“Virgil,” Remus answered but he kept his eyes glued to his baby. Janus smoothed his hand over the baby’s head. 

“Oh that’s a unique name!” The mother chirped.

“Has two people with unusual unique names, it only felt appropriate,” Janus muttered but his focus was completely enraptured by the baby, “Reem, do you mind doing the last of the paper work, then we can leave you all to recovery.”

“Cheers,” The father smiled awkwardly. Remus held out the baby and graciously lowered him into his arms. He perked up when he felt Remus press a kiss to his cheek, god he was clearly felt so sappy today. Not that he could really blame him.

They brought the baby carrier into the room ready to take him home and of course his eyes caught on their supplies. They brought a infant onesie- the cutest and non-halloween themed one they bought- but yet Janus frowned at the thought of trying to wrestle this baby into clothing. He looked much more comfortable pressed to his chest that he did lying down but he still looked like he could be seconds away from crying again. Of course, he couldn’t even begin to understand how stressful birth must be. The poor thing. He awkwardly bent backwards and grabbed the same blanket they bought about a month ago. Despite how much he tried, he couldn’t get out the black marker stain. It was just the first blanket they grabbed when preparing. Obviously. Of course. The first thing they grabbed. He grappled with the baby to gently cocoon him in the purple blanket. The spider web spiral sat in the middle of his back making him look like their little spider sitting in the middle of his purple spider web. 

He didn’t track when Remus came back in. He didn’t even think to keep up conversation with the biological parents. All he knew was that he was slowly stepping back and forth while pressing his face into Virgil’s own squishy cheek. 

Their little baby Virgil. 

[shirts181]

Random life vent

I remember being really happy as a kid/teenager, everything was awesome, always had friends and family around and did cool stuff, didn’t overthink about anything just lived my life as it came day by day. Not anymore. Before i dive into this, there’s going to be so many things im going to miss or havent remembered thats probably vital or important in relation to what im saying and as im re-reading over it ill realise i havent added something so yeah just a heads up, im a guy in his mid 20′s, majority of this my friends now dont even know about and i couldnt even imagine trying to explain all this shit to somebody i know, i guess thats why im here lol, i want to add and not sure if its related to how i turned out or not but growing up i was always on the shy side, wasn’t super shy but like when i would do shit like do a class presentation by myself id always go red and blush and sometimes get teary, not that i was sad or upset, id just get fucking teary like a dickhead lol, would use my hands when i talked and just overall looked like a nervous wreck. I was comfy around friends and family, could do whatever, didnt really care, if anything i felt like an extrovert around them, but when it came to being in situations i didnt know anybody, i plainly would just say nothing, not make an effort to really engage in conversation, just lay back and wait for that situation to be over til i was with my friends. If somebody approached me id obviously talk to them and whatever but rarely would i be the person initiating anything like that, was a bit of a idiot like that growing up lol. I’ve always been the person who wanted everyone to be happy, i was always oblivious to how other people like my friends had family or whatever issues growing up and the REAL impact it has on them, like divorced parents or they dont know their mum or dad or whatever that stuff, i knew people with depression and anxiety growing up and i was always open to talk to people about it, i LOVED being the friend to speak to if anybody was feeling like shit or wanted to vent, it made me feel really appreciated and id been given this trust to listen to what they have to say, like i might be able to make them feel better about what they had to say regardless of if i could properly help/change their circumstances and problems, but maybe put a smile on their face and make them laugh and let them know it’ll be ok without even being sure if it would, but i never would say that and 100% know it would be ok, but by saying that it might just give them some hope that things CAN be ok and they then believe it can change for the better. From the age of 16 i was super self conscious, i cared what people thought of me, not that im a super ugly guy or had anything dramatically wrong looks wise or how i was, but more so for me maybe like saying something and somebody over hearing it and me being like “oh fuck i should of said that” because it might sound bad or like having pimples (probably same as every teenager ever lol) or a bad hair day (literally) kinda thing. I cared how people portrayed me, i wanted everyone to know i was just average person who just wanted everybody to be happy, i made conscious decisions on what i said to who and where i said it, clothes i would wear depending on where i was going and who might see me, that stuff was like a necessity in my life, i wasn’t like ocd about that stuff because sometimes id be in situations where i know id be judged but still followed through, but something about me just fuckinggggg hated having somebody look at me a certain way and portray me differently to who i really am. I just re-read that and holy shit lol i sound like an idiot the way i’ve said what i’ve said, this is another thing about me maybe saying something and not accurately making it out to sound how i intend it to sound. Whatever rofl, now the real shit. I got diagnosed by a psych with anxiety when i was 18, this was the beginning of my mental downfall from then to this day. About 6-7 months of solid anxiety i could barely leave my house, was scared for no fucking reason, dont even know why, all i remember is my heart beating like crazy and feeling like i was going to pass out or whatever. This would happen mainly in social situations during and before even seeing others/doing things. I would work myself up to the point of crying, getting hives/being itchy everywhere on my body, nervously shaking and visually just looking terrified. I couldn’t drive properly because i’d get panic attacks and id feel like im about to pass out and i cant escape cos im trapped inside a car, traffic was the worst especially when i was alone, there was numerous times that i fucking cried in my car before and after id pull over to relax myself, how stupid is this shit? Why does this happen to people, how does this shit happen to ME, i dont even get why this all is even happening, im not an unhealthy person by any means so im not sick and didnt have symptoms of any illness, wtf is going on. How the fuck do i get over this, ended up seeing a psych because i had no idea wtf was wrong with me, bring in my diagnosis of having anxiety. While i was at home, i would hardcore grind out games on my computer, it made me feel normal and not like absolute shit, dont know why but at the time thats all that made me not feel like absolute shit and scared of being outside in the world. I took pills for this, tried to be active by exercising, playing sport and making an effort and forcing myself out of the house. At the start it was absolute torture, i didn’t ever think i’d get over this, it was that bad. I was on medication, couldn’t tell you what one because i just dont remember and never payed attention to medication names etc. Fast forward 6-7 months, i am actually feeling ok, i apply for jobs, go to job interviews with ease, im actually feeling really good like im making improvements in my life and progressing correctly by taking the next step, something i wouldn’t of thought of doing months earlier. I ended up getting a job and it was like a weight off my shoulders, i was excited, my parents were super happy with me for how far that i had come, i felt good as, potentially like im on track to success in living my life and being able to feel good again. As i got this job i was confident in going out and felt like i could properly just do shit, like i could be me again. This lasted about 15 months, i was ok to drive, i NEVER had a panic attack during this 15 months, i felt good af, when i drove i would even laugh at myself be like “why tf was i panicking? why was i such an idiot and getting worried over shit that cant and wont effect me and make me feel scared? why would i care about those things”, even in like social situations same thing, it was great. It all started to come back, slowly it like bloody crept its way back to being bad, but at this stage i was in denial, i was like na i can get over this i dont need to see anybody, but realistically i probably needed to. To this day i’ve never seen a psych about it, for the last 4-5 years ive almost just adapted to knowing im going to have panic attacks and feel like shit, iv learnt to cope and deal with it myself, the thought of me taking pills for this again scares me, why would i want to take pills to get better again when once i feel good, come off them, id get back into this state of mind and feel anxious again, and then repeat, why the fuck, seriously, why the fuck would i put myself into this potential scenario, i say potential because its a possibility, but thats not a risk im willing to take, people get addicted to this shit, ultimately what im trying to say is i dont want to be that person that gets reliant on taking pills to just having a functioning mind that doesnt make me feel scared and afraid, why cant i just shake this off? is there something im not doing? wtf is the cure to this shit? i know its not the pills because i dont want to become reliant on medications to make me happy. Im pretty convinced im depressed too, iv had serious thoughts about suicide, but i dont think im somebody who could actually commit to it, and if i was, i would probably make the decision to speak to somebody, but im stuck in a mindset where im not going to die from it, but i feel like shit all the time, i dont want meds, i dont know how to fix where im at pretty much, theres things that have happened to me the last couple years which have convinced me im a bad partner in a relationship, not for things i do but for what i unintentionally didnt do, im not a fulfilling boyfriend, ive either never obviously met the right girl for me or im just not fit to be a boyfriend, and thats what i think, how can somebody commit to me but im to stressed and worried about how my commitment to them might not be enough? the constant worry of not being a good boyfriend, when all i really want is for everything to be ok and happy, not that if things arent good or happy that thats a bad thing, i totally understand not everything is perfect and there are shit things that happen to people or in the world thats always going to happen, but i feel like, mainly with my last ex girlfriend, i felt like i was in a competition half the time to compete and get reassurance i was being a good boyfriend because i didnt know anything else, i was locked into this relationship i felt i couldnt escape, i so badly wanted out but was sucked into the mindset that if i left id have nothing and couldnt be with anybody because shes the only one who would be with me cos she already is, how the fuck do i overcome this, how do i get out? Its been a year since she ended up breaking up with me and pretty much for those reasons, i wasn’t up to par with her standards, i wasnt her dream boyfriend, for somebody who accepted my past issues with anxiety and letting her in on all my personal shit, if somebody who i thought cared for me leaves me, how could i ever convince or even get another girl to be with me knowing i have this weight and baggage of being a potential let down and not being able to be the person she needs me to be?  Writing all this i thought id feel better but i kinda still feel like shit. I weighed up deleting this, i had it all highlighted ready to backspace and alt f4 this but fuck it i might regret not posting this, i guess thats why im here anyway. If you read all this sorry for the random bullshit, i re-read it and i sidetracked myself hard from what i was originally going to say but im kinda tired and was literally just typing anything that came to my mind andddd yeeeeaaaahhh.. peace

[comic-nerd-dc]

Dick Grayson x oc

Uhh I made star fire mean in this one and some sexual references

“And robin, you will take this lovely young lady to her junior prom” moth dude says and shows this annoying blond chick calling him Roby-poo and I stifle a laugh

“And Luominen you will take this young man” he shows us this guy who looks super uncomfortable but he’s actually kinda cute if only he wasnt with the bad guys

“Moth sir, she really doesn’t have to,” he says and I smile

“YES SHE DOES, IT THAT OR THE CITY BURNS” he booms

“One moment please” as we drag Starfire away

“ We can go keep him on end while Star, Cy, BB, and Ray find out what the connection is and save everything,” I say

“And we can keep an eye on each other” robin adds and I smile until star gives in

“Yeah ok well do it,” Robin says

“Ask her!” moth guy says and robin and the video guy start at the same time stop and video guy gets all embarrassed

“Uhh also you should probably know my names Jupitar,” the tv guy says as robin asks kitten is apparently her name

“ see you tonight,” I say and they leave and I pull up the communication device

“Are you guys coming or what?” Cy asks

“We cant star will help you find the connection between these two kid and moth guy ok,” I say and Cy looks confused

“Why aren’t yall coming to help,” Ray asks

“Because Ray we have dates” I smile and robin looks pained

“With each other because, I’ve seen it coming but now isn’t a good time,” BB says and my eyes widen, I’ve always liked Robin, he intelligent, funny, and altogether just hot but he’s never shown any interest in me so I assumed friends was as far as we could go

“BB no bad guys the kids we have to take to prom, and I have to get a dress” I laugh and close the device

“Star go we have the stuff to do” I smile and she flys away I go to change and robin grabs my arm to stop me

“Are you actually happy about this” he accuses

“Look, Rob, I never got to go to my prom, I turned into Luominen and dont get to live my life as s- as me anymore so yeah I’m excited, but he’s not the date I want” I stop after almost revealing myself, I pull my arm and walk away

“I would go get ready if I were you,” I say and finally get to my room, and raid my closet for something ohhhhh this one, I change into the sleeveless red dress I found that accents my curves without looking trashy and it has a slit in the bottom stopping mid-thigh, I do my makeup even though I still have my mask on and curl my hair and put on the heels, I walk to the living room area and think about how I should get there if I should drive or ask robin to take me on the bike I know he will use to get there, no ill just drive, I head to my car when I literally bump into Robin,

“Wow you clean up nice” I smile at him but he doesn’t respond just staring at me I see his eyes go up and down

“Earth to Robin” I wave my hand in front of his face and he shakes his head

“You look wow, uh we should go” he stutters and I smile

“Ohh, I was just leaving I was going to drive but apparently you had other plans” I smile and I can tell he rolled his eyes

“Let’s go” he grabs my hand and leads me to the bike we get on and once we get to the prom a pink limo pulls up

“Ohhhh Roby poo I’m so glad you came as my date to the prom,” the kitten girl says the way to loud wrapping herself around him and then I see Jupiter come around the other side and smile at me

“Hey, wow you look beautiful,” he says and I blush and look down

“Thanks, you dont look to bad yourself” I smile at him

“I'm really sorry about all of this, I never wanted this to happen, I had just mentioned to my sister that I had a minor crush on you and then this happened, I never wanted it to go this way” he smiles and we walk in as robin looks miserable, we get in and I smile,

“Wanna dance, or just look awkward all night,” I ask and he smiles as we go dance

“Why are you being so nice to me,” he asks and I smile

“Well one because your sister is insane, and two because you dont seem to want all of this” I smile as I see a robin and whats her name dance and a small part of me wishes it was me he was with instead until

“Get away from my girl” and the spider dude drops in

“Fang you do care” she squeaks and they kiss

“So we good to go now?” robin asks and she looks at us

“Never, give my brother the night to remember, kiss him or the whole city goes” and I panic as she has the button out, I look at Jupiter and he already has his eyes closed so I suck it up and lean in and close my eyes,

“No” I hear and then I’m kissing him, its actually a really good kiss until I hear a squeak

“That’s the wrong guy you whore” and my eyes snap open to see a robin and we pull away but she clicks the button

“We will talk about that later” I snap and he blushes and we all fight until everyone’s in handcuffs even Jupiter

“What?” he asks and I look at him

“I know you didn't want this but you still went along with it so jail time for you as well,” I say and he looks down but goes willingly

“And this year’s prom queen and king are robin and Luominen” and he looks at me

“I think I have one more dance in me” he smiles and takes my hand

“So what was that,” I ask

“What was what” he pretends to not remember

“Oh I dont know how bout when I went to kiss him you yelled no and jumped in to kiss me instead,” I say

“I uh, was trying to save you and we happened to kiss?” he says as a question

“Uh, huh, so if I went to that prison truck, and kissed him you’d just let me because it was my choice right,” I ask and he nod

“Ok I’m gonna go give him that kiss” I let go of our dance to walk over to him but robins grip on my waist doesn’t allow me to

“Dont, please, why are you so caught up in this anyway,” he asks

“Look robin, I became Luominen at 15, I’m 18 now and I should be having my own prom but because of my powers I can’t even go to school anymore, so I wanted to be normal for tonight, have the dance, and kiss on the dance floor, or at the end of the dance, I wanted my normal night” I look at him and he smiles down at me

“Well I can work that out, I mean you do have a ruggedly handsome superhero here, its a dance floor, I could kiss you,” he says almost shyly

“Robin I can’t do that, because as awkward as it may make this, I’ve always had some feelings for you and if you kissed me again, id fall more for you than I already am, and I know you dont feel that way for me so no,” I say and he lets go of my waist

“Yeah that’s what I thought” and I turned around to walk-off I just decided to walk back to titans tower and was about halfway there when the rain starts pouring down probably my fault as I can create based on my emotions.

“Get on the bike” robin yells but I dont stop walking

“Please Lu just get on the bike” he begs and I look at him

“No, ill walk thanks” I respond

“Please your gonna get sick,” he pulls over and gets off the bike running to me and I dont stop, except when I’m picked up and thrown over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes

“Let me go you asshat” I snap but he just sets me on the bike and gets on and starts driving once we get to the tower, I get off and start to walk inside

“Why are you so mad at me lu, I never even answered you,” he says

“You didn't have to, the way you looked at me the way you instantly let me go, all signs of disgust, dont worry tho I get it, it’s fine but you dont get to act like its normal either anymore, because it’s not and we both know that, and I’m mad because I let myself get there, I let my self fall for you and open up to you knowing you were into Star, knowing I wouldn’t be enough,” I say with tears in my eyes

“I wasnt disgusted honestly you’re beautiful and amazing and anything I could ever want, I was surprised, because here I was falling completely in love with a girl I dont even know her real name, and she took me off guard, also I’m not into Starfire shes just my, friend,” he said and I looked up at him and he kissed me, not the panicked one like before but, slow and hot like he was proving I was the one he wanted when we pulled away

“Sandy” I breathed out

“What” he questions

“My real name,” I say and he smiles, kissing me again but this time he picks me up bridal style bringing me into the tower we are both laughing until we see everyone standing there with pizza and Robin freezes

“Hi guys” I laugh

“Looks like they had their own celebration in mind” Raven laughs and everyone else does but Starfire

“What I do not understand,” she says

“They where probably gonna do the dirty deed, horizontal tango” BB laugh and star looks pissed

“ they would only do that if they were together and they are not together” she snaps

“Uhh yeah actually we are gonna go figure that out, in, my room” Robin rushes out the speeds walks up to his final setting me down

“You never even put me down” I laugh and he blushed

“I panicked ok” he defends

“Oh I bet, at least you picked me up bridal style not another way” I laugh and he smirks

“That was not an invitation” I smile and he fakes a pout

“Oh come onnnnnnnn” he whines and I kiss him

“We do actually need to talk about what we are,” I say and he looked down at me

“What is there to talk about,” he asks

“Are we together, are we not together, are we just messing around that stuff” I add and he smiles pulling me closer as I hadn’t realized I was pacing

“Of course we are together, mine now, and we will definitely be messing around” he winks and I release a sigh of relief and kiss him

“Pardon me the door was open, am I interrupting,” Starfire asks

“No at all, what’s up,” Robin says awkwardly and I mumbled yes under my breath

“Well I felt that before you made her your choice you should know that I also have the romantic feelings for you” she adds and I flop on the bed well it was a nice few minutes while it lasted

“Star that’s sweet, and I’m really sorry but I’m actually really into sa- Luominen,” he says and I punch his shoulder after almost revealing me

“Ouch I didn't” and I smile

“Oh I see, however, am I not prettier than she is, she is not as good as me, so why choose her,” Star asks and I look down, she’s right, how could I ever compare

“What did you say” he snaps and her eyes go wide and I instantly go to stop him

“Robin no it’s fine honestly” I grab his arm but he shakes me off

“Get out,” he says almost to calm

“GET OUT” he yells at her when she doesn’t leave, she then jumps out and he slams the door on her

“Robin what was that, it’s not like shes super wrong,” I ask he doesn’t answer just grabs me and pulls me into a very hard kiss when he finally pulls away I’m hurrying for a breath

“She’s right, you aren’t as good as her, your better, and also its Dick,” he says and my eyes widen

“Really that’s the card your puling now, you want to have sex?” I snap as I pull away from him and he busts out laughing

“Why are you laughing,” I ask confused

“Babygirl, Dick is my name, short for Richard,” he says with a huge smile on his face and I turn red

“I-i'm so, I’m so, I’m so sorry,” I say and he just laughs pulling me into him wrapping his arms around me

“Sandy it’s fine, that was by far the cutest misread of my name ever tho” he smiles and I hide in his chest

“I'm so sorry Dick,” I say again as he laughs

“I'm serious dont be,” he says and I smile up at him again and kiss him when there’s a knock at his door I move away from his death grip on my hips and open it and see BB and raven

“So wanna explain why are Stars crying?” BB asks and I look at him and roll my eyes

“Because she was being rude, she literally came in and asked me to choose her and when I did she said she was better than Lu, rudely so I told her to get out and when she didn't I yelled get out” Dick comes up behind me saying that and I nod

“Fair enough,” Raven says going to walk away but BB grabs her arm

“ you need to apologize to her” BB demands

“Ok ill go talk to her,” I say and then I’m wrapped in chains so I look at the raven

“Me or you?” I ask and she laughs

“You” I nod

“I guess I won’t be going to apologize, and you can’t get mad because I dont have complete control over this,” I say as BB looked pissed

“You done here?” Dick asks and BB looks surprised as the door closed in his face a few minutes later I’m able to get out of the chains, my powers allow me to create things according to my emotions, so the rain was when I was sad but the rain didn't go away when I was happy again, it was apart of the weather then, the chains were now physical things because I felt trapped

“ you didn't get your dream prom but would you like that final dance and kiss?” Dick asks and I smile at him and nod and he spins me around as we dance in our soaked clothes and dance around his room until we are both tired and in the last moment he kisses me

“ I think I’m completely in love with you,” he says and I smile looking up at him

“I think I’m completely in love with you as well!” and kiss him again that night!

[collectionofdestiel]

Life is Weird

Prompt from Chagnon1022: A story where castiel assumes dean is cheating based on a phone call he over heard but it turns out dean was talking to his brother Sam so he could  him advise to propose to cas

~

Days turned quickly to months which unfolded rapidly into years. It felt as though one day Castiel was alone in this world with little in the bank and a less than stellar outlook on life, then the next he was sharing life with who he believed to be his soul mate. Life was weird, he decided, as he procrastinated starting his day by laying in their shared bed with only a wrinkly sheet flung across his skin. Weird in a way that it felt like yesterday he had none of what he had now.

Finally deciding that thinking over his lonely past was only going to make it that much harder to get out of bed, he threw his feet from the bed and onto the floor. His body twisted a little too fast so he took a moment to sit and wait for his head to clear. There was nothing on the schedule for today which meant that he and his boyfriend could spend a lazy day together.

That thought caused a slow smile to grace his features and gave him the motivation he needed to finally stand. After throwing on a pair of clean boxers he padded from their bedroom toward the kitchen, already smelling bacon and eggs.

“I don’t know, I mean, how did you do it?” Dean’s rough voice broke through the crisp late morning air.

Castiel stopped his feet in the hallway, curiosity perked his ears. Maybe it was a work call? It was odd that Dean would be on the phone on a Saturday especially before noon. There was no secret Dean wasnt a morning person, and it also wasn’t a secret he hated talking on the phone.

“Well, I cant do that.” Huffing a laugh, Dean’s voice then dropped to a whisper. “I can’t just tell him that.”

Curiosity peaking ever higher hearing the low tone of his boyfriend’s voice, Castiel tip toed so he could pressed himself against the wall beside the doorway. He knew he shouldn’t spy, and should definitely make his presense known, but for some reason that old feeling of lonliness started to flood his system and make his body feel too weak to dare make a move.

“I mean, I love you, but that is dumb. Just cause it worked for you doesn’t mean it will for me. One, how the hell am I supposed to do that without him knowing since we have a shared bank account and two, that’s like a four hour drive.”

It took all of his will to not gasp, to not succumb to the ice water now plunging through his veins and freezing over his heart. Had he misheard?

Dean sighed deeply and almost comically. “Tonight? I can’t do it tonight. I need more time to… think it over and get everything ready.”

Castiel didnt notice how his body gave out, his knees easily supporting his descent to the ground. It was subconscious how he curled himself into a ball and listened as the love of his life cancelled plans with someone else, someone who Dean loved.

“Don’t give me that, alright? I’m not scared… I’m just… How am I supposed to say it? I’m gonna sound like an ass.” Dean’s words were so tender, so lost and desperate, that for a moment before Castiel realized the weight of it he felt bad for Dean.

He wanted to reach out and hold onto him, beg him to not leave, scream and plea until his soul was nothing but ash. Castiel wanted to grip onto Dean and shake him and demand why he wasnt good enough, why they couldnt have made each other happy and live together forever.

A clank from dishware broke the delicate tension in the air. “Because I said so! Look, forget I called you, ok? I can handle it. I’ll see you at the Roadhouse on wednesday, ok? We can talk more then about it.”

Castiel let the loneliness find it’s home in his chest. He stood up, too numb to feel him going through the motions. Standing in the hallway he listened for the goodbye, the farewell between lovers, before he tried to decide what his  next move was. Was there a next move? What was left in his desolate world now that he found himself where he was all those years ago.

“Yeah, yeah, I love you, too. Talk to you soon.”

Life’s weird isn’t it, Castiel thought to himself void of emotion, that in what feels like a blink of an eye everything is suddenly different.

It wasn’t until a light humming from the kitchen broke the silence did Castiel dare move. He stepped as quietly as he could from around the corner, his eyes falling immedietly on his boyfriends back. Tears erupted before he could stop them, flowed so violently that he lost his breath and choked.

Spinning around, Dean met his eyes. The surprised green soon turned worried and panicked. Dropping the spatula onto the skillet Dean rounded their island and started toward Cas with open arms. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

Just before they could come in contact Castiel shook his head and took a step back, the tears starting to soak his collar bone. With a heaving breath he curled his arms into his chest and tried so desperately to claw him way out of his panic.

“Cas? Hey, I’m right here. Talk to me. Breathe.” Dean’s voice was so broken, so loving that it was the final crack in Castiel’s resolve.

Clearing the tears from his vision, Cas looked into Dean’s eyes with no emotion. “I’ll be going to the market in a couple minutes. If you could pack your things before I get back I think that would be best.”

Dean coiled back as if struck. “Wh-what?”

“I don’t think we need to make it any bigger than it needs to be. I’m giving you the out. You don’t have to be so worried about telling me. Just leave.” Castiel turned his eyes downward and took a shuddering breath that burned the bottom of his lungs. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough.”

Dean Winchester stared at his boyfriend. Nothing came from his mouth though he tried to open it to get something out, to question why and to demand an answer to this sudden turn. Instead he stood there, in nothing but his own boxers and an apron, barefoot in their kitchen. He was too shocked to feel the way his entire world was collapsing around him.

“Please.” The word was broken and hitched falling from Cas’ lips. “Please, Dean, if you loved me at all during these few years you will just leave.”

“Why?” Finally his brain started to catch up to the situation. And though he wanted to be angry, angry that Castiel was doing this, he stayed calm. He took deep breaths and stayed calm because whatever was happening it couldnt be blown any farther out of proportion or there wasn’t going to be a possible fix.

Blue eyes soaked in heartbreak flicked up to meet defeaning green. “Because I love you and I can’t stand here and pretend that you didn’t fall in love with someone else.”

“What?!” Dean’s voice cracked from the pressure of the single word.

“I heard you.” Cas waved his arm toward the cell phone sitting on the counter. “Talking to your… your…”

“Brother?” Dean finished the sentence with a pointed look. “Just now? I was on the phone with Sammy.”

Castiel tilted his head as he met Dean’s eyes. “I listened to you make plans behind my back.”

Swallowing visibly, Dean wiped the back on his hand across his forehead. “Sweetheart, there’s a reason-”

“Right.” Castiel nodded, feeling anger flare up his spine. “You really want to lie to me, Dean Winchester?”

“No!” Dean shouted in frustration. “I’m not lying! I fucking love you and I haven’t so much as thought about being with anyone since I met you.”

His eyes drifting back to the phone, Castiel wanted to believe him, wanted to stop this now and hug him and live happily ever after. But that wasn’t life. It wasn’t life when his mother used to believe all his father’s lies. And it wasn’t life when he watched his brother be cheated on by multiple partners.

“Castiel.” Dean took a slow step toward his boyfriend. “I love you more than you’re letting yourself believe right now. And I know that you have issues with cheating and your self worth and so… I need to tell you. Even if we both regret it later. But, sweetheart…”

Fingers slid under his chin, a little force tilted his head so that he could see Dean right in front of him, their muggy breaths mixing between them. All Castiel could see was love, he felt as though he was drowning in it, sinking so low that he might never resurface.

“I’ve been carrying around a ring. I’ve been putting a little of my paycheck away toward it for about a year now. And this morning I called Sam because I have been killing myself over not finding the right moment to ask you. So I called him to ask how he asked Jess, and how he knew when the perfect moment would be.” Leaning forward slightly, Dean wrapped his other arm around Cas’ shoulders to bring them closer without losing eye contact. “I want to marry you, Cas. I want it to be just you and me forever if you’ll let me.”

Castiel’s face collapsed in a sob grimace as his shoulders started to shake and he threw himself against Dean’s chest. His body gave out as he cried and cried and let the waves of emotion roll through him. After minutes ticking by of Dean holding him and whispering to him and pressing kisses to his hair, Castiel finally pulled back.

With a shaky smile he whispered, “I want nothing more than to marry you.”

Dean’s lips turned up into a face splitting smile before he closed the distance between their lips.

Years later, in what feels like a blink of an eye, Castiel is standing in the hospital with his eyes trained on a small sleeping form wrapped in a pink blanket thinking that it feels like just yesterday he said ‘yes’ to a lifetime of happiness.

[lavellanlove]

🐬 Maleus

All that Glitters

Sylathi Lavellan ( @saphyremelodies​ ) and Maleus Abano(re: MerMay aquarium prompt) 

Calls on her work cell late at night were nevera good thing. 

At even the sharp buzz of her phone against herdresser, Sylathi sprung awake, using it as a light to dress. Was is that whalethat was due in a few weeks? She hoped not. The aquarium had heavily promotedthat new arrival, and should anything (gods forbid) go wrong, she didn’t likehaving to deal with bad press on top of her own mourning.

Listening on the drive over, Lahlas’ message wasvague, or perhaps just felt that way because she was tired. 

She tried to go in without expectations, andstill, this managed to defy them.

“Lahlas, that...is...a man. There is a grown manin my tank. Why is there a grown man in my tank?”

“The hospital didn’t have the...equipment needed.” Her boss pointed down the long, golden tail,made brighter by the glimmer of coins which had obviously been nestled betweenthe scales as a form of ornamentation. She barely had time to admire itsbeauty or ponder the implications when a tinge of bright red caught hereye, drawing her around to the other side with increased urgency andconcern. 

She gasped, clasping her hands over her mouthwhen she saw the damage: something had essentially torn half of his tail offlengthwise, taking one of the flukes with it and almost certainly damaging hisspine. 

“Surgery managed to sedate him for long enoughto stem the worst of the bleeding, but... he’ll never be able to swim again.”

Cautiously, she looked up at Lahlas, not likingwhere this was going. “Why did you call me here?” she asked, voicetrembling.

He gave her a soberlook, then sighed. “I don’t know what to do. By gods, I mean, he’s a person, but he can’t live away from the water and cantlive in it either. It seemed cruel to just keep him here suspended in a tank,so...

He wiped his face, clearly tortured by theweight of it given the uncharacteristic slump in his shoulders and the strainin his throat. “They were recommending we just...but I couldn’t bring myself todo it. Not if we could figure out any other way.”

She took in a deepbreath, the stakes steeling her resolve, then met Lahlas’ gaze. “I will find a way, or I will make one.”

“Don’t be scared,” she reassured, the merman (for lack of better word). He was just coming to after his anesthesia, restrained loosely in a shallow examination pool to prevent him from injuringhimself. “Do you...speak any human languages? I know a few...Common,Elvhen, a bit of Tevene...”

She spoke, and suddenly the man’s bright eyes,darting about in fear and confusion, rested squarely on her. “Did... wewin?” he asked.

Sylathi’s head cocked to the side. “Win?What are you talking about?” 

“The rebellion? Against the Terror of Rialto Bay? Did we win?”

She frowned sadly, trying to figure out if he was dreaming, or if she was. “I’m sorry, I don't know what you are talking about.”

His brow furrowed, and he took a moment to try to assess his surroundings. After a moment of clarity, he sighed, then seemed to be puzzling together another question to ask that might glean a more useful answer. “I know this is land, but how did I get here?” 

“The Coast Guard was called because someone spotted a man, you, floating in a mass of debris. They tried to seek medical treatment, but the hospital didn’t have tanks so they brought you here.”

‘Medical treatment’ seemed to spark something in him, because only then did he start checking himself, apparently not able to feel the injury.

“Careful, you’ve-” she started, but before she could finish he caught sight of it, letting out a horrible scream.

“Oh tides! Oh gods! My tail!” His hands frantically reached towards the missing side of his tail, tugging desperately against the restraints. He was sobbing between panicked breaths, experiencing his own tears for the first time in the open air. He tried to move, and then the second, more painful realization hit him: “Why can’t I move my tail?!”

Sylathi’s heart bled for him. Not being able to even tell him the cause, having no way to reach any family he had for support...

She didn’t even think before she removed the restraints, reaching down into the pool to give him a hug. She held him there, half underwater herself, and gradually she heard his arms lift out of the water and felt them hesitantly, then desperately, hugging her back.

Finding a way to help him - who she learned was called Maleus - soon occupied her every waking moment. She wrote every scientist in the adaptive tech field she knew, asking for assistance building a prosthetic that would meet his needs. She visited with him as often as she could, listening to his stories, amazed by all his travels and that he knew almost every language and legend in Thedas. When he felt up to it, they tried to work up his strength in the hopes of being able to test a prosthetic in open water.

Heartbreak after heartbreak, they tried and failed, the prosthetics incapable of restoring what was lost. And even if one could restore his ability to swim, a prosthetic could never make up for the loss of his pod, his family, his friends: all who had perished in the clash. He had no way to reach them, but he felt it in his bones. All this work, all this effort, just to go straight back to into the Talon’s clutches. 

Some days, he wondered if any of this was worth it. What he was even fighting for. But he was reminded again every time Sylathi returned. Her persistence, her tenderness, her unwavering kindness, eyes bluer than the bay and spirit brighter than all the treasure sunken within it. For her, he would keep at this. For her, he would succeed. For her effort, for her devotion, for saving his life...he could never fully repay that debt, but he felt he at least owed it to her to try.

It was over two years and thirty surgeries later that they finally discovered a breakthrough: lyrium-infused sylvan, crafted by dwarves and elves in collaboration, that would respond to one’s will like a real limb could. Sylathi brought him the news excitedly, though it was selfishly bittersweet, knowing this meant she might never see him again. 

He seemed elated, so she was happy for him. But she would miss his smile, that contagious laugh. His stories, his counsel, his friendship. Eating takeout food together every night, introducing him to TV shows and movies, their many inside jokes - day by day, he had become one of the most important people in her life.

She waited outside the recovery suite for word that he was ready for visitors, peeking her head in before entering. 

“So...how’s the new tail?” she asked, eager to see the fruits of all their hard work.

He met her eyes with an uncertainty that made her nervous. “Mal, what’s wrong?” She took his hand. Squeezed it. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

“There is no tail,” he finally said, looking away. “I’m so sorry. I thought I wanted it, I know you wanted it, and you worked so hard, but...I just couldn’t go through with it.”

“Don’t be,” Sylathi immediately reassured. She regarded the length under the blanket with confusion. “But I don’t understand...you still had surgery.”

He took a deep breath, mustering the will to look back up at her. “You said the sylvanwood could be shaped and enchanted to respond just like a real limb. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that what I want isn’t to go back to the sea-”

He lifted the sheet, revealing two sylvanwood legs. He flexed and pointed the toes experimentally before turning to face her more fully. “It’s to be able to stay here. Build a life. Here with you.”

[kellyzeagman]

Hello from the cruise ship in Singapore!!

What a crazy last few days. I guess I should back track a little bit, even though it might be a little hard because everything has been such a blur. Firstly, the airport in Toronto. Definitely extremely hard to leave. The entire time I was there with my parents I felt like I was having an our of body experience and watching myself from the outside. I  had never felt so uneasy about something in my life. Obviously I was so excited to start this new chapter but my nerves definitely took over. I have never lived more than 20 minutes from home, nor have I ever spent more than a month away from friends and family. So, getting on a plane to live on the other side of the world for 5 months was extremely terrifying. I tried my best at not acting like it, but I was definitely feeling it. After I said goodbye to my parents and got through security, pretty much the only thing going through my head for the next hour before getting on the plane was “what the F*** am I doing”. It was 100% the most overwhelming moment i’ve ever experienced. Once it took off, there was obviously no turning back, which changed the game and I had to sit in this new reality for the next 20 hours of travelling. I was doing this whether I liked it or not. I liked the idea of what was about to happen, but wasn’t too fond of leaving. The plane ride to Hong Kong was 15 hours. It was also such a blur. I honestly don’t know how I made time pass by myself. I felt super lucky because I was able to pick an aisle seat online but once I got on the plane, I found out it was right beside the bathroom. I could quite literally lift up my left arm and touch the door. People opened and closed that door for 15 hours straight. I wondered why this aisle seat hadn’t been taken, but now I do :D.  But hey, at least I could stick my legs out and always have my own arm rest. I probably only slept for a combined 3 hours, so I don’t know how the other 11 seemed to go by decently quick. Watched a few movies, listened to some podcasts and basically pondered what the hell I was doing and why I was doing it. There were quite a few young children on the plane and a decent amount of crying (bless ear plugs). However, they made up for it because TRULY, there is nothing like a little toddler walking up and down the aisles of a plane to bring everyones mood up and provide a little bit of entertainment and give everyone the feels. Finally, we landed in Hong Kong and I had one hour till my next 4 hour flight to Singapore. I was able to lay down on the sexy airport carpet for a bit and then quickly got on my next flight. I was beyond exhausted and wanted to just pass out as soon as we took off. It wasn’t a busy plane, so there were quite a few empty rows. Part of me didn’t want to be annoying or a bother and lay down across the seats when no one else was, but thank god I did. I would’ve punched myself in the face if I decided to not because it was so worth it and I will never see those people again. Passed out across 4 seats until we landed. Amazing. We landed in Singapore at about 6:30pm. I wanted to store my bags so that I could explore a bit of the INSANE airport. While struggling to carry my 3 heavy luggage items to storage, I managed to completely destroy the “pull up” handle on my suitcase.  The handle literally cracked off and snapped out from how heavy my bag was. If I went to pull my suitcase, the handle would completely come out and the suitcase would drop to the floor and I would have a piece of metal with two prongs in my hand. I now have to pull that suitcase using the tiny little leather handle. It is truly horrible and I can’t wait to never touch the suitcase again until March. Anyways, I wanted to go see “The Jewel” at the airport. I’m planning on posting a picture of it at the end of this, but if it doesn’t work, google it because it is crazy. I went there for 7:30 because there was a light show. The Singapore airport is like a different planet. Everything is so futuristic and obviously very expensive. Very much similar to “Crazy Rich Asians”. The Jewel is basically a mall with stores and restaurants, but the middle has been made into an enormous waterfall that falls from the ceiling and the entire space around it has been made into a jungle/forest. I can’t really think of how else to explain it. I was a little bit sad watching the light show and exploring the airport by myself, because everywhere I looked around people were with friends and family and then there was just me by myself. ~Maybe I developed some personal growth~ Anyways, if you’re ever in Singapore- go to the Jewel!! Definitely worth it to go see, and free. I then lugged myself and my broken ass suitcase to catch a taxi to go to the hotel. When I checked in, the guy was like “your roommate has already arrived” I was so confused because  I obviously thought I would have the room to myself and was ready to just pass out. Luckily, my roommate also happened to be a youth staff and was starting her 5th contract. I ended up staying up longer than I wanted because I asked her about 100 questions. It was such a relief to get to chat to her about the job and what cruise life is like.  And so great that my first friend I made was going to be someone I would be working with. If I had been alone in that hotel room that night I feel like my head would have exploded, so I’m so glad it worked out the way it did. We went to bed at 10:00 and I totally thought I would pass right out until our alarms went off, but i’m silly and have never experienced jet lag before. So basically I think I only slept for 3 hours and just tossed and turned and panicked the rest of the night. When we waited for our shuttle the next morning to take us to the cruise ship there were two other new hire youth staff members waiting outside. This is also their first time working on a cruise ship, which was definitely comforting. I feel like everything just played out perfectly that night and morning which made everything much, much easier. The shuttle to the cruise was about an hour drive, so we got to see some of what Singapore has to offer. Super clean, lots of buildings, seems very rich.

The boat I am working on is currently in a “dry dock” where it is getting a 150 million dollar renovation. The total time in the dry dock will be around 5 weeks, and they are about half way done now. We got dropped off in the shuttle and had to walk our luggage about 400m to where we could enter the ship. It wouldn’t have been that bad if I had a suitcase on 4 wheels like every other sane person. And if it wasn’t 45 degrees. I looked like an absolute fool struggling to wheel my broken suitcase, with a 20lb duffle bag over one shoulder and a backpack over the other. I thought we would walk on the ship on a nice ramp, but because it is in dry dock, that wasn’t the case. We had to lift all of our suitcases up the most narrow 10 stairs i’ve ever seen in my life and pull them across a metal plank that was barely wide enough for any of the luggage. Luckily I’m not afraid of heights, because it was damn high. And not above water. The ship is literally out of water during this dry dock. Can you even picture a cruise ship out of water? It’s crazy. The amount of work and labour going into it is hard to wrap my head around. The first three days have just been filled with a ton of paperwork and training and touring around the bottom of the ship. I can’t believe i’ve not even been here for three full days yet, it feels like it has been a month already. We aren’t allowed on any upper levels that guests would go to because of all of the construction. However, I did get to briefly see a bit of deck 5 which is where one of the main guest areas is and I have no idea how they are going to be finished all of this in time. Literally everything is getting revamped. Everything. There is an unfathomable amount of things to get done still and to clean up. They have hundreds (if not thousands) of people from all over the world working on it on top of the 1,100 cruise staff that are also helping to do things. Everywhere i’ve seen on the ship is a sea of contractors in blue jumpsuits working 24/7. Its a mess, but a good mess.

Starting my contract during the dry dock has been great because there won’t be any guests on the ship until mid October. Everything has been extremely laid back in terms of training because there is not a rush. Myself and the other new hires are also super lucky because we do not have any duties during this time. Mostly everyone else has to be on “fire watch” where you are supposed to supervise a part of the ship for like, 6 hours and make sure a fire doesn’t start. Very glad to not be doing that. So when we aren’t doing training, we can kind of do whatever we want, which mostly involves napping or laying in bed. Jet lag is truly something. I’m in a temporary room right now until I can get placed with another youth staff. The room is a legit shoe box and everything is crammed, but I knew this would be the case. I currently am on a top bunk and cant sit up without bumping my head. It’s tricky to get out and requires some core strength. I’m also living out of my broken suitcase because I don’t want to unpack everything and then have to pack it all up again in a few days when I move. The last two nights i’ve gone to the crew bar where all the staff can drink, apparently some people go every single day, even when they are working. I’m now ready for a chill night in bed after the last 2 days.

It’s crazy how many different people i’ve met from all over the world in just 3 days. I’ve met 3 Canadians so far and one happened to be an engineer from Burlington. I was wearing a mcmaster t-shirt and he came up to chat. Small world. I think there are over 70 different nationalities working on the ship. Talk about a melting pot of culture. The food here is looking like it might be a bit tricky for me as a vegan. It has been the same stuff pretty much every day (pasta, salad, rice, potatoes, peanut butter sandwiches and fruit for me). Apparently the food gets better once it is out of dry dock, so we shall see. I’ll also be able to eat at guest restaurants once they are up and running. Unfortunately/also kind of fortunately, it looks like I wont be having any sweets or desserts until March.  I have to make my dark chocolate from home last!  It’s going to be so weird (but kind of nice) to not cook or clean any dishes for the next 5 months, though i’ll definitely miss being able to make whatever I want.

Dry dock is looking like its going to be pretty repetitive and similar every day.  I’ll have more to share once things get rolling and when we actually start working. I’m already missing the autumn weather that is going to be coming soon at home, it is so unbelievably humid and hot here and is only gonna get more intense. I think tomorrow we are able to get off the ship and go to Marina Bay Sands and Gardens by the Bay at night time. 

I’ve posted some pics either above or below this text post of the airport and one panorma of the back on the ship’s view in dry dock. (not supposed to post any pics of anywhere on the ship during the reno)

Cheers

[kingasriel]

h not to be a little bitch ex stoner on 420 but

its stupid i know its really really stupid but its rly depressing me that i cant sm*ke w**d anymore

its mostly my anxiety driving me up the FUCKING wall like. im so tired of it i just want to fucking relax and have a good time but even taking ONE hit of weed instantly sends me into a panic attack and now i cant even think about taking CBD products without getting nervous and i cant bring myself to try anything anymore cause im so damn scared of panicking and my meds arent a high enough dose to even work fully when im sober so Lmao

and like idk its not like i cant have a good time or live life sober but it fucking sucks lol and i literally have such a hard time relaxing cause of my constant anxiety and dissociation and my shitty fucking stomach and weed used to HELP all this not make it WORSE but now here i am and im like hello?!!! is there nothing i vcan do about this???

abd i know im not the only one whos experienced this its just so frustrating cause it was just. its just another past time i enjoyed and i could relax and my trauma was easier to process when i was high and its not like i was dependant on it to function cause obvi ive been fine several months sober but again not to be a whiny lil bitch but IT SUCKS TO BE SOBER

and im sorry this isnt meant to put a damper on everyone enjoying themselves today / who smoke currently like im just complaining dont worry ablut it i guess it just is rly upsetting that my body and brain hate me so much and literally every time i find something i enjoy, weed or not, they try to ruin the experience for me

i just want to chill the fuck out but i cant. and im just really fucking tired. but it literally doesnt matter and if u read this piss rant im sorry

[imagination-is-key-in-my-world]

Memories Last

Pairing: Alec Lightwood x Reader Warnings: none Brief: You’re a shadow hunter with a difference. 

I knew one thing, I was in way over my head.

My bar shift finished and I was on my way home. I shared an apartment with my close warlock friend called Magnus. He has been the one person who I was allowed to take with me from my past. One piece of my old life, there to remind me of my duties as a shadowhunter as well as a protector to those who are unaware of their true abilities.

Deep in my thoughts, I felt the darkness envelope me, as I took the quicker route home through the alleyway close to the bar. I was only 10 minutes away from our place when I sensed a figure stood behind me.

This was something I should be used to because of the line of work I am in. Or should I say the line of work I used to be in. Ever since I became a protector to the naïve shadowhunters, my field work has lets say somewhat lacking. Considering this I felt an ache in the bottom of my stomach as I reached for my licensed gun. I couldn't take out my seraph blade until I knew who or what I was up against.

Seeing as I had a glamour on and I was still being followed, this person was definitely not mundane.

“Such a pretty Nephilim walking all alone.” There were now hands on the back of my hips, pulling me from my path. “Or shall I say, such a naïve little angel blooded bitch.” That was when the impact struck the side of my face, hitting me hard enough for my frail overworked body. The lack of training in the institute with someone I could spar with and not hurt was hard to find when you live with a warlock.

I couldn't help but scream when a sharp pressure was applied to my stomach and dragged out. Creating a long slice from the left side of my pelvis up to my the underpart of my right boob. It was then when I was lying at my weakest point that I was able to grab my seraph blade. Igniting it with light as I made contact with it.

Pulling my arm back with all of the remaining strength in my body. I could make out the fangs as my blade provided light in a very dark place. The figure above me spoke once more before I was able to drive the blade through his rib cage.

“You know all this blood is making me a little hungry. It would be a shame for it to all go to waste now wouldn't...” The creature above me disintegrated into a million fragments on top of me. If I was mundane I would be screaming at how disgusting this was.

A strong sense of relief spread through my weak body. Someone has saved me from this fate and they were running over to me, two dark haired figures and two light. As I was close to collapsing I let out a small groan.

They mumbled something before I blacked out, I could just about hear it but I could no longer see or move. “What did she just say?” The words faded out as the male spoke, then everything went black.

Jace's POV 

It all happened so fast. But the woman taking on one vampire with two of his friends in a close pursuit was surprisingly calm. As if she wasn't aware that there were actual monsters attacking her.

As Alec took on one of the vampires from a distance.

 I bolted towards the third that was advancing closer to his mate. She would have never have survived if two of them got their hands on her. When I got closer to her it was then when I saw the blood, but I was also able to make out black markings underneath her shirt where she had been slashed. It appeared as though she was concealing runes.

Concealing runes was not uncommon for shadowhunters that preferred to live among the mundane. To live out a normal life without the constant questions of why and what they were.

I was able to take out the third vamp slashing at him as I bolted towards the girl. I noticed her hand pull back with a blade very much similar to the one that I stabbed through the chest of the creature stood above her. She was indeed a shadow hunter.

Clary was close behind me, then Issy joined us as we stared down at the woman who appeared to be passed out. There was a noise that left her lips, quiet but because of our runes, we could make out what she said.

“Alec!”

~ 5 Hours later ~

We managed to get her back to the institute with the help of Magnus. One call from Clary and he popped through a portal right in front of us. His expression was clear, he knew who she was. Only why didn't we?

Taking us back to the institute we placed her in the infirmary, trying to get as much information out of Magnus as we could. That way we could know what we were up against with this girl.

Magnus told us this,

Most of the answers we seek could only be answered by y/n herself.

They were long time friends who live with one another, both there to protect each other.

She was a shadowhunter, but she was different.

“Stop asking me questions and return to my first point.”

Issy started to draw on a healing rune, but she was interrupted by Magnus' shrieking, “No don't do that!” Running over and removing the stele from her hand. We all looked at him confused as to why he reacted in such a terrified way.

“I'm sorry.” Holding his hands up the way that he would always do when we would question his opinion, “it will not work on her.”

“Explain Magnus, now!” Alec demanded. Shocking all of us as he has pretty much been a laid back brother for a few months now. “Why won't it work on her?”

“A warlock put a curse on her when she first left the institute. And before you ask, I cant tell you much more as to why she left. That is her story and for her to tell.” Alec moved over to sit by y/n, looking at her quizzically as if he was trying to work out who she was and how she knew his name. “Basically, if you tried to fix that,” he pointed to her injury, “it will only increase the pain. It looks like we are going to have to fix this the old fashioned way.”

~ 5 Hours later ~

Alec took up the role of nurse, doctor, surgeon as well as making sure she didn't get worse through the day. Sitting with her when he should have been training with us.

I walked in to find him leaning on the bed, resting his chin on his crossed arms, not breaking eye contact with her at any given moment. He was exploring every inch of her face, trying to bring back a memory of her.

[After the surgery..]

Alec: I think we knew her.

Me: What do you mean?

Alec: Look at that necklace. It isn't just that, look at those lips, and picture a smile on her face.

Me: *Confused* You want me to picture something that I cannot see.

Alec: Forget it *waves me off * it's stupid. Let's just pray she wakes up soon and can tell us who she is.

Me: Are you coming to train?

Alec: No, not today. Someone has to stay with her just in case she deteriorates.

Me: *Places a hand on his shoulder* Okay Alec, but keep us informed.

“Come on Alec you have been sitting here for hours,” I walked over and shook him by the shoulders so that he knew that I was there. “We can go and get a coffee, stretch your legs, she will still be there when we get back.”

He finally conceded and got up. “I don't like this Jace. I don't like the idea of her waking up and being alone.” Slinging my arm around his shoulder, allowing him to know that I understood what he was feeling. If I had to leave Clary or Issy behind in y/n's condition, I would be feeling exactly the same.

“I know Alec but we will return soon, I promise.”

Y/N’s  POV 

Where am I? What am I wearing? Why am I in pain? All these questions and yet no one here to answer them.

I scanned the room and found my wrecked work uniform on the table next to my bed. Using the stool by the side of me as a support to pull myself out of the bed. I noticed that the stool base was warm, someone must have been sat here and only recently leaving.

That was when it hit me. I know where I am. “I'm back at the institute. But how?”

I grabbed some fresh clothes where I knew they kept some in the drawer. They were stocked for patients that couldn't wear the clothes that they came in with. Perfect for my situation. I slipped on the black skinny jeans and a tube top, allowing my wound to breath.

I did consider getting back into bed, but I was intrigued by being back here. I wanted to explore to see how much it has changed since I was last here.

I started down the long corridor and found myself in the new training and sparring room. A lot fancier than the one that I worked out in, better equipment and weapons inventory that the limitation of the seraph blades, daggers, whips and bow and arrows.

Running my hand across the blades, taking in the familiar feeling. I let out a soft sigh at the life that I left behind, or more so forced to leave behind and turned.

“Ooff!” I bumped into a large dark haired figure. Landing back on the floor, darn you wound making me seem weak that a simple bump can result in be on my back sprawled out on the floor.

Looking up at the boy I let out a second gasp. He seemed highly concerned about my well being, checking me all over as he dropped to his knees. His eyes were immediately on my bandaged up injury. “I'm sorry are you okay.”

He spoke so frantically with so much fear within his voice. “I'm okay.” I said trying to pry myself off of the floor, “argh” I cried falling back down.

The once white bandage started to ooze out a browny red liquid, one that I am far too familiar with, blood. A panicked look on his face, “Let me help you, we have to get you back to the infirmary.” He placed his one arm around the back of my shoulders and the other holding the bandage onto my wound.

~ 2 hours later ~

“Thanks,” I muttered as Alec stitched me up once again. He told me about how he found me and that he knows that I have a connection to Magnus. “I take it you are confused about who I am.”

A smirk spread across his face as he focused on my words. “You could say that.” Placing a new gauze and bandage on, trying to be as delicate as he could with his touch. Almost as if I was made of a breakable glass. “I know that you're a shadowhunter, but Magnus said that you were different?”

By the time he asked the question, the others joined the room. Sitting around my bed as if I was a new toy. Fascinating.

“Well get comfy cause this is a long story.” The only person who smiled at my little joke was Alec, the others had the most serious look on their face.

“My name is y/n Fairchild.” Clary gasped and then looked at me confused.

“How many relatives do I have?” She asked giving off a lighthearted laugh.

“I am indeed a shadowhunter but as Magnus informed you guys, I am not like the rest of you. My mother Jocelyn had two girls and one boy. I am the oldest, Clary I am your sister.” I gave it a second for it to sink in. “Jocelyn raised me as a shadowhunter, but she didn't want this life for you Clary. That is why when I started training here, she shipped me off and asked Hodge to take care of me. To raise me as if I was his own, but we both knew the truth, so we had a great friendship blossom.”

I tried to sit up, feeling hands on both my stomach and my back. Slowly guiding and lifting me to the position that I wanted to be in.

“So while I was here I met you,” I looked at Alec, who didn't know how he should take my comment. “Jace and Isabelle. We were close growing up, sparring with one another until early hours of the morning. I helped with you two in training to receive your parabati runes. But once Clary started noticing things and Magnus had to wipe her memory, Jocelyn told me that I had to look after her, to train her to be a shadowhunter.”

“But I don't remember you.” Clary squeaked sounding so innocent.

“Thank Jocelyn for that one. I trained you into this life, I made sure that you were ready for anything that may come your way. But when creatures started coming into your life it terrified her. She told Magnus to wipe your memory and to replace it with one that didn't include me or the shadow world.”

Alec squeezed my hand, I wasn't aware he was holding it up until that point. “So when she gave you this blissful life, this normal life. She informed the Clave of how well I did as a protector. Resulting in me becoming a tutor outside of the institute and restricted from ever entering the institute. I had to help people like you Clary train, but befriend them so that I was close enough to them that I would be able to stop danger coming.”

“Being away from the institute and the job for so long as less shadowhunters needed me, I started to erase my runes one at a time. Trying to get a normal life, away from all of this even though I didn't want to.”

Jace walked to the other side of my bed, “So if I know you, we all know you. How come we cannot remember you?”

The others nodded along with Jace, agreeing with the one thing that was important to ask. “Magnus helped me with that one yet again. It was hard for me to leave you guys, my friends and my sister, but he already showed me that he could do it on you Clary. So the Clave told him to do the same with Alec, Jace and Isabelle. I'm so sorry guys.”

“What about the healing rune? Why wont that work?” Isabelle asked staring at my stomach.

“I became a problem for a warlock. I stopped him from trying to find you Clary when they were looking for the Mortal Cup. I never left you even though I was meant to cut all ties. That way you wouldn't spark any of your past memories. As a punishment to preventing him on multiple occasions he took away the one thing that I needed the most in this job.”

I was talking for so long I could feel myself falling asleep. My head falling onto the shoulder of Alec who had joined me on the bed as I was too weak to hold myself up. My eyes were shut but I could hear Alec talk quietly to the others, noticing I was drifting off and didn't want to wake me.

“I think you guys should go. Let her sleep for a while, I will stay with her to make sure she is okay.”

The others mumbled something that sounded like an agreement.

Alec's POV 

I needed to know who she was. I know that she told us who she was, but I wanted my memories back. I wanted to remember what she said, about is growing up together. About us having a close friendship. She told me when she woke up slightly when the others had gone that she was always closer to me.

This made me smile. Apart from Jace I had never had someone tell me that they considered me their best friend. Even now I have felt Jace drift from me and get closer to Clary.

I felt important, being the one who was responsible for her while the others were getting some sleep or were out training. It gave me a sense of purpose. But even though she tells me all this about herself and the friendship we had, I wanted to remember it myself.

I pulled out my phone from my pocket, and pressed Magnus. I noticed her stiffen as I moved ever so slightly, but within a few moments of stirring, she snuggled back into my arms. Resting her head and arm over my chest.

“Magnus, I need your help. Come to the infirmary and bring everything you can to restore my memory.”

Within a few minutes Magnus arrived. Seeing y/n sleeping sound asleep he let out a small smile. “I always knew you guys were close.” Chuckling as I unwrapped himself from y/n, making sure that she didn't fall down hard onto the bed. Holding her as I rested her body down flat, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“So can you do it?” I asked. He waved his arms around and laughed.

“I am Magnus Bane, why wouldn't I be able to.” Arranging his potions and books, “You know that this isn't going to be easy. It is going to cause you a lot of pain. Does she know you're doing this?”

I shake my head. “I need to know my true feelings for her. All the pain that comes with it is worth it.”

~ 1 Hour Later ~

I knew everything, more than that I knew who I was before when I was with her.

All of my feelings returned and I felt like I had been given a gift. I slowly got into bed with her to resume the position that I was in before Magnus came and returned my memories.

Sliding my arm under her and resting her back onto my chest, stroking her hair. All I could think about while she was asleep was how much I wanted her to be mine when we were younger.

I would run around after her and never leave her side. I was only 10 when I first met her and the minute I saw her I knew she was an angel. She had runes almost all over her neck the same way that I did. (This made me sad when I thought about how she no longer had that rune on her now.)

As the years went on we became closer than ever. To the point that when we were out training or on missions, we would both go back to the others room and collapse onto the bed cuddled up the same way that we are now. This continued up until she was 16 and I was 17 when she left the institute. Breaking my heart along with it.

But her coming back, although her situation wasn't ideal for her to come back, has brought back an important part of my life. A part of my life that I missed.

I rested my head against hers, letting her know that I am still here. That I will always be here.

~ Next Day ~

I woke up to see her facing the other way but still on my arm. So I took the opportunity and rolled over to spoon her from behind. She didn't wake up straight away, she actually molded herself into my arms better and I heard a slight moan from her. Was that a good thing?

“Alec?” She turned around to face me and I pretended to still be asleep, I didn't want to seem weird. Not that I don't look that way anyway. “Alec? Are you awake?”

Her hand raised up to my head and stroked my hair. It felt really nice so I pretended as though that was what woke me and not the loud grunting coming from Jace and Clary in the training room next door. “Hey.” I said sleepily. “Are you alright?”

She smiled and dragged her hand through her hair. “I've been better? But this is a nicer improvement to waking up to Magnus burning something and flailing about.” I laughed nervously and she joined me. “Yeah this is nice.”

I smiled at what she said. I have always enjoyed waking up to her, but this time it felt different. Although my feelings were suppressed by my memories being taken away from me. I feel as though it is time that I was honest with her.

“Y/N, I need to tell you some...” I was interrupted by her kissing me. My eyes were wide at the moment of impact, but as I realized what happened I relaxed.

Y/N’s POV 

I didn't have enough time to figure out what I was doing. I leaned into Alec and kissed him. What the hell am I doing?

But it was then that Alec grabbed the side of my face and pulled me back into him as I tried to pull away thinking it was a mistake. “y/n,” he moaned against my lips. Pulling away scanning my eyes, “you do not know how long I have wanted to do that.”

I laughed and kissed him again. “Memory back?” He nodded with a big grin on his face. “Magnus?”

“How did you guess?” Alec laughed playing with my hair the same way he used to do when I was little. “But really y/n, it doesn't matter how long you've been gone or if my memory is taken from me. I will always come back to you.”

“I guess memories do last, huh?” Grinning up at his morning hair, looking like he had been attacked.

“You could say that.”

We were interrupted by Magnus and the others, “It's about time, I'm sick of hearing about what could have been.” Magnus spoke up from the group. “But honestly get a room, this is a hygienic room we do not need this,” gesturing to the two of us, “ruining the sheets.”

[chikkou]

tell me how i just fucking got home after being out for like 5 hours tops, and my cat was sitting outside in the drive way, crying to be let in. i only saw him because of his light fur, and i immediately panicked and picked him up and started banging on the door to be let in. when my brother came and opened it, my other cat (who has dark fur) ran inside, and i realized he had been sitting right in front of the door. i would never have even noticed if he hadnt been sitting there

im so furious because they were both inside and perfectly fine when i left, which means that between then and now, someone opened the door long enough for them to get out, closed it behind themselves without noticing that BOTH the cats were outside, and then fucking went to bed without so much as checking to make sure they were ok. 

it really genuinely sets me off because its so fucking neglectful. if my dark furred cat had decided to wander off, i wouldve had no way of knowing he was gone until it was too late. im almost scared to go back to school in a few days because im the only one who does anything for them, except my brother who cleans their litter boxes, so what if this happens again and im not home to pick them up and bring them inside? what if someone forgets to feed them? it really fucking scares and upsets me how everyone else in the house treats them. i dont even know what to do with myself rn im so completely and totally enraged rn

the worst part is that theres a 95% chance it was my mom or her boyfriend, and theyre both asleep so i cant even confront them. theyre lucky the baby is in there with them cause i would deadass just kick the fucking door in and ream them out for being so neglectful to them

[bleachanimefan1]

Turtles Forever Part 73

Across The Universe

Raph pulled a panel off from his bike and drilled in the bolts. "There, that oughta lighten the load," he climbed onto the bike.

"That's a die cast aluminum frame," Casey called out, next to Raph with his bike as well. "It's already light."

"Well now it's 18 ounces lighter, giving this Shell Cell a death of the edge," Raph commented. Casey took the drill from his hands.

"You're dreaming, after I tweak the throttle response on this baby, you'll be spitting it's dust for a week," he bends down to work on his bike, but Raph grabs the drill back from him.

"Not after I lighten the shift linkage," he replied. Casey took the drill back again.

"Not after I modify the compression ration by 3 percent."

The two glare at each other then turn back towards their bikes, working on them. Raph glances over his shoulder at Casey. "Hmm, compression ratio. Good idea."

Then the whole lair started to rumble. "What the shell?" Raph and Casey see a bright light not too far off coming the main room of the lair.

"Casey, stay here!" Raph ran off, meeting with Mona who was staring along with everyone else as a portal floated above them.

"Master Splinter, what's going on?" Leo questioned, as Donnie rushed in.

"We've seen that kind of energy before," he pointed out, and as soon as he did, the ultimate ninja emerged from the portal.

"Drako!" Splinter exclaimed.

"And the Daimyo's son," Leo finished. "This is what we've told you about, Master Splinter. They've merged somehow, combined together."

"All into one ugly package," Raph commented as he walked into the room, squinting his eyes from the bright light. Mona had rushed in along with him, after putting Elizabeth down for a nap when she heard the commotion as well.

"We told you we would return," the Ultimate ninja declared. "We told you we would have our revenge!"

"Revenge this, whack bag!" Raph yelled running to them, spinning his sais. The Ultimate ninja used the time scepter freezing Raph in midair as he jumped to kick. He grabbed Raph with his tail, throwing him into the pillar.

"As if you could simply fight us! We control time and space with Lord Simultaneous time scepter! We are unbeatable," the ultimate ninja declared.

"Someone quick!" Donnie called as everyone jumped at the ultimate ninja to stop him. "Grab the-" He shoots out another blast of energy freezing everyone.

"Now we will have our vengeance," Drako said. The Daimyo's son glared, looking at Leo.

"Leonardo, destroy him first!"

"No, we agreed. The rat first then the Daimyo, your father," Drako answered, looking at Splinter.

"Then Leonardo." The Daimyo's son replied.

"They will pay, all of them." Drako declared.

"Yes, all of them will learn the meaning of suffering across time and space!" All Raph saw was a bright light before he found himself falling. He landed on the ground with a thud. Raph groaned as he stands up rubbing his head. He looks around to find that he wasn't in the lair anymore. He was in the middle a desert on some strange alien planet.

"Where the shell am I?" he asked himself, panicking. "Master Splinta! Leo! Mona! Wait a minute, where's that Drako ninja freak? He had the time scepter and...and where'd that bozo send me?" Then Raph hears a revving sound not to far off in the distance with a smoke trail following behind it.

"What the?"

A couple of bikes jumped up from a rocky slope, now the heading straight towards him.

One of the bikes notices Raph on the screen. "Falcon, someone's on the track!" A girl with blue hair reported.

"Hoooollllly sheeell!" Raph shouted, running away. The the bikes managed to miss Raph but one spirals out of control and crashed. Raph stops and looks at the bike. He walked over to it.

"What's the big idea?" Raph demanded. "Cant' you see I'm walking here?! Huh?" He sees two of the riders are injured and jumped down from the bike. "Hey, you guys okay?"

"Not for long," Falcon groaned. Then a pack of four legged hairy creatures jumped out and started to charge towards them.

"Uh oh, I take it these freaks aren't friends of yours?" Raph commented, nervously. Falcon struggled to stand up.

"We gotta get out of here!" he crawled over to the bike, pressing a button. The bike stands back on it's own and Falcon picked up his partner, turning to Raph. "Can you ride?"

"Can I ride?" Raph answered, looking at the bike in awe. The pack of hairy creatures were coming closer. Raph helped the two racers back into the bike and hopped on. "Hang on, cuz we are gonna..." he stops, looking at the controls. There were too many buttons, which one was start?"Let's see," Raph presses one but it doesn't work. He tries another, nothing. "Okay, I give up. How the shell do you start this thing?" he began to panic, seeing the beast coming even more closer.

Raph frantically began to press on of the buttons to start the bike. "Come on, come on, start!" Suddenly, lights came on at all the buttons lit up. "Lights, that's good. Now which one is go?" Raph hears a growl coming up from behind him.

"Aw, shell." Raph turned to see the creatures pounce. Raph quickly pressed another button and finally manages to get the bike to start, just as the creatures attacked. He speeds the bike forwards driving up an mountain, over a gap, landing on the other side, safely. Falcon looks back and turns to Raph, who was smiling.

"Not bad."

"Brace man, this is the ultimate challenge. One planet, three days, five racing machines as Race commissioner Morrey has promised, anything can happen on the hostile world Laotora. Just ask Godman Falcon of Team Fitts, whopping apple two minutes behind the others on this day of the USP RA charity race event," the sports announcer announced.

"Rub it in, why don't ya?" Falcon muttered, bitterly.

In the infirmary, an mechanic was holding a part of the bike explaining to Falcon. His navigator rest resting on the bed, with a broken leg.

"And these servos, they burn out. That not good for impellers, they crack. I'll need to be replace. Lois sub-frame, two very bent."

"Can you get the bike on it's wheels by the next race?" Falcon asked the robot.

"Alright, but it's gonna be tight."

Then someone came on the vid comm, revealing an pink alien with a wrinkled face, wearing a blue uniform. "I'm sorry to break this to you, Falcon, without bringing in another team to replace you, Team Fitts is out."

"Commissioner Morrey, you cannot disqualify us!" Falcon argued, angrily.

"You can't ride without a navigator," the commissioner stated.

"But it wasn't our fault!" Falcon protested.

"Let it go, Falcon," his partner called out. "it's just a charity race. It doesn't count towards the championship."

"No, I'm finishing this race even if I have to navigate this bike myself," Falcon stated. Morrey laughed.

"Ha! Then who would be your pilot?" he retorted, pointing a finger at him.

"Hmm," Falcon turns to Raph, who was sitting in a chair. "Him!"

"Me?!" Raph pointed to himself, surprised.

"Him?" Morrey and Falcon partner asked.

"Trust me, he can ride. He's got the balance of a messy machine. Your people, Methania. It's amazing." Falcon explained.

"It's against the rules, but...since this isn't an official USB RA race, I'll make an exception," Morrey answered before cutting off the call.

"Look, I'm sorry you beefed it on account of me," Raph said, standing up. "But, I can't stick around. My brothers, my family, and Master Splinter are probably in trouble. I gotta find a way back home." He had to get back to his daughter and Mona.

"I know, I know, you told me," Falcon told him. "You don't even know how you got here, but now that you jammed me up, you think you're just gonna bail?"

"I'm really sorry, but,...I gotta get home!" Raph replied, and started walking away.

"Wait, Raphael," Methania called out. Raph stopped to listen to her. "Maybe we can help you. My uncle is the premiere subspace temporal mechanics theorist in this sector. If there's a way to get you back, he'll figure it out. We'll take you to him...after the race."

Raph sighed. What other choice did he have? It could be the way to for him to get home...

"Okay, deal. Count me in."

The next morning came, as spectators watched from their seats as the race track was set on an icy terrain.

"Good morning, all beings and life forms. This is Nobby Bloe, bringing you day two live from the crew frozen waste course." Raph, Falcon and the other racers drove out from their starting stations. "The drop-off is complete, racers moving to the starting grid. As for us, we'll be locating to the minister."

Bike 6 drives past Raph, spraying snow on him and Falcon. "Gonna beef it again, Falcon?" the driver mocked.

"Hey!" Raph shouted, then turned to Falcon. "Friends of yours?"

"That's Tripper Nitro and Jag Maggiore of Team Koyoshada," Falcon explained. "Watch out for them, they don't play nice."

"The flag is up, they wait for the signal," the announcer announced. "And..." The light flashes green and all of the racers sped off. "They're off!"

Just as the race had started, Falcon noticed an alert flashing on the screen. "What? I got a nikon already? A 40 foot drop into the ice tunnels."

"Good, I gotta make up for that lousy start," Raph commented and the bikes drop down into the tunnels. Then Falcon gets another alert.

"Got another caution," he explained. "There's subterranean life down here,"

"What is it?" Raph questioned.

"Worms!" Falcon told him.

"What?"

They drive into the dark tunnel while the race cameras followed behind them.

"Worms, Commissioner?" Nobby asked from the ship stadium. "Just how big are these worms?"

"Well, they dug these tunnels, that's all I know," Morrey replied.

"We've got to stop the race!" Nobby was about to press the button to warn the spectators and racers but Morrey grabs his wrist.

"Absolutely not. Ratings are up because this is the most hostile planet we've ever raced. A little danger never hurt anybody," Morrey stated.

"Sounds like you're hoping someone gets hurt," Nobby pointed out.

"Never," Morrey answered. "But, make sure your race cams keep up with the action, just in case."

Back in the tunnels, Raph manages to speed past some of the other racers. He drives up to an three way intersection up ahead.

"Which way? We've got three tunnels ahead," he asked.

"Uh, uh," Falcon looks at the map on the screen. "Middle!" As Raph drives up to the path, a giant worm pops out, lunging at the two racers. Falcon and Raph screamed.

"I mean left!" Raph quickly makes a sharp turn, but now the worm was chasing them, right on their tail. The rest of the other bikes drive into the middle tunnels. Raph tried to steady the bike as he struggled through the icy ground.

"Okay, those ain't your average snake crawlers." Raph commented.

"Somebody should've warned us!" Falcon yelled then bike 6 drove right out in front of them. "Hey, look out!" The bike crashes into Raph and Falcon. The two bike begin to slide out of control.

"I can't hold her!" Raph shouted. "There's no traction! We're going down, Falcon!" Both bikes crash on the ground. Nitro activated his bike's stabilizer's getting back on it's wheels again. "Oh, that jerk Nitro tore the hydraulics when he slammed us! We got no stabilizers."

Raph and Falcon got out from the bike. "Then we gotta lift it ourselves," Falcon replied. Then the two heard the worm growling not too far behind them. It eats the race camera, destroying it.

"Whoa, massive worm alert!" Nobby exclaimed, seeing what had happened. "That thing just ate one of our race cams!" He turned to another camera, seeing the worm. "And it ain't looking good of Team Vincent Koyoshada!" Methania gasped as she watched the race from the infirmary. "They better get their bikes and gear fast!"

Raph and Falcon struggled to push the bike back onto it's wheels. Raph turned to the other racers that crashed into them. "Nitro, give us a hand!" he called out, but the team drove off just as the worm closes in. "Okay, think fast, think fast!" Raph said to himself, looking down at the crack, that the worm created, below his feet. "Where's a trapdoor when you need it? That's it!" Raph takes out his sais and starts stabbing them into the icy floor. "Get on!" He and Falcon hop back onto the bike as the worm began to advance in on them. Raph stabs through the ice once more, and it started to cave in. The bike falls landing back on it's wheels again, but the worm was still chasing after them as well.

"Way to race, Raph," Falcon told him.

Suddenly, Raph begins to phase. "Raph?"

Raph shakes his head as it stops. "Whoa, what was that?"

Morrey stepped out from the elevator, talking on his phone. "No, no, double the moxie. I want tomorrow's race heavily promoted, if you think today is intense, we're gonna send the ratings through the roof! The ad money is gonna flood in."

"What exactly is going on here, Commissioner?" Methania called out, as she walked towards him, supporting herself with a crutch.

"Something bothering you, Methania?" Morrey questioned.

"Giant ice worms?" she demanded.

"That was a surprise to me as well," Morrey told her. "but everyone was aware that this was a harsh planet. And I have your signed wavers to prove it. Now move aside." He brushes past her, walking away.

"I'm sure the race council would like to know that you're turning this event into a death match," Methania threatened.

"Be careful what you say, Methania," the commissioner reminded her. "You might hurt my feelings. And don't forget, you need my approval if you ever want to race again."

Back in the tunnels, Raph sees that there's a jump up ahead. "Give it a gyros on high fret, we've got some maneuvering to do!" he called out.

"Got it!" Falcon answered. "We'll be out of the glacier in five seconds. Better pick up speed."

"Why?" Raph questioned.

"There's a bit of a jump," Falcon answered, sheepishly. "Full throttle, Raph!"

"Already on it!" Raph replied, speeding out of the tunnel over the gap. The worm chases after them as well, as they flew over a giant cavern below them. It plunges down into while Raph and Falcon landed on the other side, now back in the race.

"You'll be relieved to know that we picked up signals from both Teams Koyoshada and Fitts," Nobby reported. "They're on the move, though Falcon is way off course." He hears the doors open and turns to see Methania.

"At least they're okay, huh, Methania?"

"Yes," she walked up to him. "Say, uh, Nobby, we've known each other for a long time. Please tell me the truth. What is the Commissioner up to?"

"What I know and what I can prove are two different things, Methania," Nobby answered.

"I think there's a way to get proof," Methania explained. "but, I'll need your help."

Just outside of the tracks, Raph and Falcon were driving along an icy cliff side. "Come on, Raph, we've got a lot of time to make up," Falcon told him, but something was wrong. "Raph?"

Raph was beginning to phase and he couldn't grab a hold of the bars as he tried to grab them.

"This ain't good!" Raph exclaimed. "It's like I'm fading away!"

"We're drifting, get control!" Falcon shouted.

"I...I can't! I can't grab hold of the bars!" The bike drives off the edge of the cliff and falls down into the deep ravine.

As the bike began to plummet further down, almost touching the bottom, Raph was struggling trying to grab the handles. He suddenly stops phasing and quickly grabs the bars, maneuvering the bike. "Better hang on!" Raph drives the bike over an ice ramp. "Get ready for a little off-road action, Raph style!" It flies over the other racers, landing right in front of them, back on the tracks. "Alright!"

Team Koyoshada watched in shock. "What the?"

"Unbelievable! Somehow, Team Fitts not only got back on course, but they gained the lead! And Team Fitts is first!" The crowd cheered as Raph's and Falcon's bike raced past the finish line, first. Raph drove the bike to the mechanics and he and Falcon jumped off, taking their helmets off.

"What happened to you out there?" Falcon asked.

"I don't know," Raph tried to explain, shaking his head, not knowing either. "It was the same kind of feeling I had when I got here, like...like I was being pulled out of something."

"Oh, you can't abandon me now, we're in a middle of a race!" Falcon argued.

"Hey, it's not I have any control over it!" Raph retorted. The mechanic walked down the stairs heading towards them.

"Racing good, track not so good. Nice that you lived though,"

"Thanks Muk, better check her over top to bottom, she went through a lot." Falcon told him, walking away with Raph.

The robot mechanic looked over at the bike, which was now steaming and blowing smoke. "You think? Alright."

The next race begins to start as it was in a tropical rain forest.

"Good evening, all beings and life forms. And welcome to the third and final race of this planet's racers charity event. Coming to you live from the moonlit rain-forests of Torah." A ship drops down and the racers drove out from the doors as it opened. "And there's the drop off, with sinking sludge pits waiting for them, the last thing these racers need to worry about is the mysterious mutt riders, I hear are cannibals. Good thing Commissioner Morrey has somehow convinced them to allow us passage through their land. The flag is up and they're off!"

The bikes raced through an swampy area, but Falcon notices an alert on the screen. "A caution area. Zero visibility through the sludge pits."

"Zero visibility?" Raph repeated, now driving into an foggy area.

"Instruments only, I'm raising the chasis to great the speed up, we'll make it," Falcon reassured. Raph smirked as they drove past an river. But, unexpectedly to everyone, there was something else lurking the waters, hiding. A couple of strange aliens emerge from it, riding manta ray like creatures, flying towards the riders.

"A new caution," Falcon reported.

"What?" Raph asked.

"The Mud Riders, they're attacking!" The hostile aliens dive down, taking out an team.

Back at the racing stadium, Methania sees the commissioner walking down the hall. "Alright, Nobby, there he is. Keep the race cam on the action, but out of sight." she told Nobby through the cameras and started walking over to him.

"Race cam two online," Nobby said while the cameras followed behind Methania, staying hidden. "And ready to go live, Methania."

"Commissioner!" Methania called out. "Commissioner Morrey!"

"And let's go live to Race Commissioner Tangent Morrey for a few comments," Nobby turned on the camera, recording.

"Why are the mud riders attacking the racers?" Methania demanded.

"How should I know?" Morrey claimed. "They gave us permission to race through here."

"No, they didn't!" Methania argued as Morrey looked down at his phone. "I checked." Morrey turns to her with a look in shock, while the camera still recorded staying hidden. "Their response was no and they threatened retaliation for anyone who dares to invade their forest," Methania held out a contract in front of Morrey's face.

"Where did you get that?!" the commissioner asked, snatching it from her.

"You sent our riders out there, knowing they probably wouldn't survive?"

"Well, look at it this way, they're giving their lives for a good cause," Morrey told her.

"What cause? Your ratings?!" she questioned, angrily.

"Those ratings are going to keep planet racing going for a long time, sweetheart. So we lose a few racers, big deal! They're a dime a dozen, I'll get more and-" However, Morrey stopped when he noticed the race camera hovering above Methania. "Huh? What? The race cam! Um, clearly the mud riders are, uh, acting like savages having changed their minds and attacking our racers. I promise to personally look into it." He walked away, while Methania turned to the camera.

"And I imagine the race council will looking into Commissioner Morrey's plan and racing ethics, but right now, let's check back to our embattled racers."

Raph and Falcon are right in front of Tripper Nitro. "So how are we doing, Falcon?"

"Hustling, Nitro's gaining!" Falcon shouted, seeing Nitro's bike gaining on them. Raph revs the bike and jumps over a ramp. Team Koyoshada catches up and drives right past them.

"See ya at the finish line, losers!" the driver laughed. However, a couple of mud riders were right in their path. One knocks the bike down with their spear. "You we're warned yet you still trespass on our lands, outworlder!" Another one shouted. "Now you will pay!" They began to advance closer towards the two riders, angrily, with spears in hand.

"We have to help them!" Raph said.

"Forget it, you got a short memory," Falcon, argued, shaking his head. "They left us for worm food, remember?" he reminded Raph. Raph stopped the bike and jumps off running towards the two downed riders. "Raph, get back here! What about the race?!" Tripper backs away in fear as one of the mud riders close in on him. Raph jumps in front of him, and quickly takes down all three aliens. He turns to Tripper.

"Get on your bike, now!" Raph yelled.

"Don't have to tell me twice!" Tripper answered, as he ran to his bike, along with his partner, while Raph held back the mud riders. Tripper looks back at him, his navigator as well, confused.

"Why is he helping us?"

"Who cares? We got a race to win." They started up their bike and drove away. Raph manages to take down the last mud rider then runs back to his bike.

"Nitro's taken the lead, you're a fool, Raphael," Falcon complained.

"It was the honorable thing to do," Raph argued, starting the bike and drive off, chasing after the other two riders.

"There's no room for honor in racing," Falcon pointed out.

"Winning without honor is not winning," Raph growled. His eyes widen in surprise not believing his own words that had come out of his mouth. "Jeez, I'm sounding like Leo right now. Glad Mona's not here to hear this."

Raph manages to catch up to Nitro's bike and was now right on his tail. "Finish line is just beyond the farms. First one through the gap cinches the lead," Falcon told him as they managed to gain in the lead.

"And here comes the front runners down to a stretch! It's Team Fitts, No, it's Team Koyoshada! It's..." Raph's bike makes it past the finish line by just an inch. They have won the race! "Yes! Fitts takes the cup in the USP RA charity race event!" Raph and Falcon wave to the cheering crowd.

"Not bad." Falcon commented. Nitro and his partner stop their bike and glare at Raph and Falcon. Tripper throws his helmet down in anger. Raph jumped down from the bike, and Falcon does as well, taking off his helmet. He holds his hand out to Raph, and Raph takes it, shaking it. "Way to win the race, partner."

Raph sees himself beginning to phase again. "H-Hey, it's happening again. It's pulling me away from here."

"Raph, listen, just remember...that if you do anything else in your life, you were once a planet racer. Not everyone can say that."

Raph smiled and places his hand on Falcon's shoulder. "And you remember, race with honor." He finishes and faded away.

"I'll remember, Raph. Winning without honor, that's just not winning." Falcon smiled, and turned to the waving and cheering crowd.

[landoftheoutsiders]

So I figured I would do an experiment on myself. I was already planning on doing a stream of conscious type thing tonight to try to figure out what some of the thoughts were that went through my head regarding my eating disorder... then I thought: but what if we added food? So. I have officially consumed an appropriate meal. There were many breaks, and holy fuck I haven’t been this bloated or in pain from food since being in a meal group (I’m also going to actually die if/when I try meal group again) while in treatment. I have walked my dog, smoked my two cigarettes, and I plan on being uninterrupted for the next hour or so. This, so far, is a bad idea... hopefully it won’t get any worse. This is completely unfiltered, so now is your chance to look away if you are triggered easily.

     First of all, I’m getting weighed tomorrow and this is not part of my weigh-in ritual. So I’m freaking out. I feel like most people that aren’t supposed to be losing weight who have weigh-ins regularly actually want to be heavier than they are. For some reason, I want to know what my actual weight is, and I would prefer for it to keep going down. (Also, kind of random, but I’m mad at how my Spotify put on Paint Me Black by Ben Hazlewood, and this is the verse that I just heard, “Stuck in my eye line is my one goal to make me happy, it's time that you go. I know I'm starving but I'll fill my hunger, I'll come alive and bring the thunder.” I hate everything.) Anyways, uh, so rituals before weigh-ins. I don’t eat usually around 24 hours beforehand. So I’m already panicking. I know my weight is going to be higher than what it was the week before, and I should be at the very least okay with that, but I’m not. I’m also pissed off at the fact I’m drinking soda because I normally only drink coffee or water. My “cheat drinks” are the ones I get from Starbucks, which I’m sure has more calories than a soda does, but I’m not in as much pain afterwards, and they help me feel better if I haven’t eaten that day. Basically, I don’t eat 24 hours beforehand, and I don’t drink anything until I go in the day of. I want it to be only my body weight without food or water weighing it down. I’m not even allowed to know my weight anymore, and I still do this shit which doesn’t make any sense, whatsoever. 

      I could have done all of this tonight. Crashy has been asleep since a solid 6pm, and my social media is actually fairly quiet. There was no one to make me eat tonight which is rare. I was definitely planning on it after last night too. Crashy and I went to go see Infinity War, and beforehand, he asked me if I had eaten that day. I was already laying down, so I ignored him and pretended to be asleep. Thought I was home free. So we go see the movie, I’m an emotional wreck because I wasn’t prepared to see anything that happened. I was crying and whisper-screaming no frantically at the screen. We were all a tragic mess in that theatre. We’re walking out to go to the car, and Crashy states that we’re going to Cookout. I asked him why. He asked if I had eaten that day (mind you, its almost 2am at this point), and FOR SOME REASON, just like George Washington, I cannot fucking tell a lie when it comes to this damned disorder. So now after the emotional roller coaster of Infinity War, we’re going to Cookout. I was in full panic mode, and I only got a cheeseburger, removed one of the buns, and asked if Crashy could put something on so I could at least be distracted. What comes on? The Office. Safe, right? Nope. It was the weightloss episode. And all I hear as I’m about to take a bite is Darryl saying, “y’all need to learn some portion control,” and Dwight saying, “Oh wait, Pam is on the scale,” then Michael saying, “We would love your extra poundage, but...” and I’m internally screaming. Thankfully Crashy saw the humour in it and changed the episode, but fuck me. So I wait until we’re almost home before I start eating so I can immediately get out of the car to smoke. 

     Eating has just gotten so hard recently. Like, my really disordered moments haven’t happened as often as they have recently in a while. Earlier this week, Tree and I went to go talk to Dr. B to talk to her about her book she wrote. She let us read the rough draft, and naturally we had questions. Afterwards, Tree and I waited for one of her friends to come to group so we could say hey and leave, but we ran by Starbucks first. I wasn’t planning on eating that day, but she had to and I felt like I’d be a shitty friend if I didn’t eat that day too (logic isn’t the greatest here, but hey, I’m eating). We get to the speaker in the drive thru and she orders my protein box that is a semi-safe 350 calories. I can attempt to do that. (Mind you, this is the same meal that led me to call Pink the week prior to tell him that my eating disorder was in fact, “that bad” and I should probably try to go to meal groups). They didn’t have my protein box. Instant relief. Then the lady says that they have some other protein box. Instant panic. The first thing that falls out of my mouth is, “how many calories are in it?” I asked Tree several times, and she wasn’t asking the barista, so I did, and there are 580 calories in it. The barista asks if I still wanted it, and I’m speechless trying to do calculus in my head to figure out what on earth was making it that high, and before I could say no, Tree said that I would take it. What is the first thing I do when I receive my box? I put it in the floorboard. I carried it out to the parking lot where we met Tree’s friend, and it stayed on the ground for a solid 20-30 minutes before I realized that I should probably eat it at the treatment center where I had people around me, otherwise, I wouldn’t have eaten it. I couldn’t bear the thought of eating it the way it came, so I went inside to the kitchen before groups got out to wipe off all of the sauces and roasted tomatoes while praying that a therapist wouldn’t walk in on what I was doing. Once I fixed my sandwich, we went back outside and maybe 30 more minutes passed until we started the process of eating. I had my box and Tree had her goldfish which was a lovely appetizer before her dinner. After finishing, I really had the urge to purge. This is something that has been slightly concerning, but I’ve just never brought it up because I physically can’t... but there have been so many times where I have tried over and over again, relentlessly, but my reflex just won’t let me do it. So I end up sitting next to the toilet angry with a few tears, frustrated because I can’t even do that right. But that day I found myself in the hallway with the perfect opportunity to attempt. Reluctantly, I decided to try, and then one of the therapists came around the corner and scared the shit out of me. Instantly changed my mind lol. 

     We left right before the group after dinner started, and I was in a really dark spot. I felt like no matter how hard I tried, this disorder would always have a grip on me, and I was going to be like this until the day I died--constantly fighting thoughts telling me I shouldn’t be eating. I mentioned this to Tree and her friend before we left. Tree reminded me that Recovered (a therapist there) had an eating disorder. She and I have often talked about picking Recovered’s brain about what its like to work with eating disorders, how she handles it, etc. So I decided I’d ask the question that had been circling my brain for the past hour: does it ever actually get better or even just easier? Surprisingly, but not really, she said that it does get easier. I’m not surprised because it honestly makes sense that it would get easier as long as I kept fighting for recovery, but I think I was surprised at how much it comforted me to hear from someone who knows what its like to be inside my brain say that. It helped, but I was still in a dark place, so I went to go look at things for my new apartment and to look at all of the cute animals in Petco. I really want a saltwater tank, so I talked to one of the associates for almost 30 minutes about salt tanks and the types of fish there are, etc. It was nice to have a non-eating disorder related conversation. Still though, my brain wasn’t really in a better place, so I decided to go to Target. My other happy place. Long story short, I have razors again. I gave my stuff up to Pink a while ago. 

     That was one of the hardest things I think I’ve done in therapy. I’ve given up razors before, but I’ve always kept the one. It was like a reminder of what I’ve gone through. It was like my scale. I took it everywhere. It was in my wallet. It was always there just in case. Fuck. I missed having it. I missed the feeling. So I bought more. I have a whole pack now. I haven’t done anything yet, but they’re there. This is one reason why I’m planning on getting a tattoo soon because I need that feeling. It feels the exact same way. 

     Speaking of things I miss, I was looking through old pictures on my laptop a week or two ago. We’re talking about the laptop from high school at the peak of my eating disorder. This piece of technology has allll of my old thinspo pictures from the several collections I had on my phone. Then I found my body checks. Honestly. I think that the body check pictures fucked me up more than the thinspo did. Some of the stuff I’ll reblog on here, I’ll think to when I used to be that size. Its weird looking at pictures like that now because before I thought I’d never make it, and now that I have and I think about what it was like being at that weight, I feel bad for the person in the picture because I know how much they’re hurting (to an extent of course), but I also cant help but to miss it for myself. I took pictures of the pictures to show Pink if he asked what pictures I was talking about. When I was explaining what time period was that the pictures were taken, you could just see the “oh fuck” expression come across his face lol. Not that I was happy to see him at that emotion, but you have to find the humour in the mess or else I’d be more depressed than I already am. 

     Speaking of Pink though, I was definitely going to show him this because I figured that it would be helpful for him to get a glimpse of me being vulnerable for once, but now I’m not so sure to be honest. I feel like this will get me put back in iop or php because fuck did we get dark. 

     Back to the picture thing though, I think the thing that fucked me up the most was that in the beginning, I remember promising myself that I’d stop when I could see my collar bones, then my hip bones, then it got out of hand, and before I knew it, I caught a glimpse of being able to see every vertebrae in my spine and every rib from my ribcage if I bent down. I remember going to my best friend at the time, Chrisley, and completely panicking. Why didn’t he tell me that I was that small, why didn’t anyone tell me? Why did people just ask if I had lost weight? Of fucking course I had. Why couldn’t I see the weight loss? Why did I still look like I did when I started losing weight? Nothing made sense at that moment. And somehow, the torture I had done to my body still wasn’t enough. You’d think that a person would remember all of those feelings and those feelings would keep them from making the same mistake. I have completely convinced myself that I will be okay with hitting 100. Oh, and thats because I got close to 110 and quickly realized that wasn’t enough. The fucked up part is that I’ll have a “normal day of eating” (meaning I’ll eat one meal... maybe two) and convince myself that I don’t have an eating disorder, or my disorder isn’t that bad. Same thing if I gain weight. God, it feels like it creates a physical sense of ambivalence deep within me. I fear I’m wasting Pink’s time, but I also haven’t fully made the decision to go back into my disorder completely. For some reason that physically hurts to even type, let alone verbalize. I’ve said it only once to Tree, and then later that night I found myself throwing up at a bar because I drank too much to numb out the thought that I may be falling back into my eating disorder completely. 

     I think I have a problem of letting people go/accepting when people leave my life--even in a professional setting. I get attached. There was one session where Pink made the comment where he said something among the lines of, “do you think that working with me is still helpful?” I remember feeling my walls quickly build up around me and getting really upset because he said that he wouldn’t give up on me (like several others in my past have... both therapists and friends), and in that moment, I heard that he was done trying to help me. We talked about it last week I think and that isn’t what he meant at all, and thats fine, but then I wondered if I was wasting his time or not, and it sent me into a tailspin. There was something I wrote down when I was still in iop, and it was in my gigantic “fuck you” letter to my eating disorder. The line was, “I’d do anything to get rid of you, but simultaneously do everything to keep you.” Ambivalence is a bitch. My eating disorder is one of the most comforting things because it has never left me, but it has fucked me over so many times and has ruined so much. Not just for me, but for my friends as well. I mean hell. One of them I’m terrified to wake up hearing that she’s killed herself, the other I’m concerned about her kidneys failing, and there are several who have just disappeared and won’t answer any texts or calls. I miss hearing from them. I hate watching us slowly waste away. I completely understand where they’re at though, and I don’t always want recovery for myself, but I do want it for them--but I know thats how they feel about me. Its just a fuckshow, and now my head hurts and I need a cigarette. 

Anyways, I’m going to go play around on my guitar for once. I haven’t touched her in about a week. I did finally get a name for her though. Jackie. Its actually the name of my grandma who passed away almost two years ago. She was a crazy motherfucker that my parents keep telling me I remind them of. I don’t know if thats a good or bad thing, but underneath the crazy was a heart of gold, so I’ll take it as a compliment. Sorry its been so long. I’ve been avoiding almost everything for the past month and a half. My thoughts included.

--Rian Dianna

[laylascoldcoffee]

With Grace pt3

So, here it is, part 3 where they finally get it on!! So be warned there is smut ahead.....

I barely slept at all, tossing and turning unable to stop thinking about Ed and how he had made me feel, my mind kept wandering to what would have happened if I hadn't of stopped him, I roll over covering my head with my pillow groaning to myself feeling totally embarrassed at how he was getting to me.

I hear his bedroom door open, it was practically opposite mine at the top of a short corridor leading from the living areas, I glance at the bedside clock 3.48am.

I wonder what he's doing up at this time then I remember he said he was going away for a few days 'nice one Grace, that's gonna be mega awkward when he gets back' I think to myself, I lie still in case he can hear me, listening out for any noises to indicate what he's doing, its all quiet so I assume he's back in his room having gotten something from the kitchen, I turn over and attempt to settle back off already having decided to skip my run this morning, I just couldn't be bothered, I wanted to slob around in bed until I needed to be at the café for my usual 12-6 shift, I close my eyes in an attempt to fall to sleep but not even 10 minuets later I'm huffing because I just cant settle enough to let sleep take me, I give up I think to myself throwing the covers back heading to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Its not light out yet so the kitchen is dimly lit, I don't bother with a light as I know my way round, I reach up grabbing a glass from the shelf next to the fridge and just as I'm about to swing the fridge open to grab the filter jug I hear 'so you couldn't sleep either' I jump my heart pounding at the fright dropping the glass in the process 'shit!' I yelp as I find myself bare foot surrounded by at least a million shards of glass, I look up to see him sitting at the dining table facing the kitchen, how had I not noticed him as I came out of my room my brain questions,

'Fuck, I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you, stay there' he jumps up and in no time he's near me, he's barefoot too but he's standing in a clear spot where the glass hadn't reached,' ill grab some shoes' he says 'don't move you'll cut your feet up' off he dashes to his room coming straight back hopping to get the last trainer on his foot, a quick flick on of the lights and he's at my side in no time and suddenly I feel myself being lifted, I'm taken aback 'wh..what..' I stutter then he's placing me up on the work surface out of the glass mess, he quickly turns and grabs a dustpan and brush from under the sink and starts sweeping the glass up 'oh, let me do that' I say feeling bad he's cleaning up my mess 'you've got no shoes on, stay there' he orders 'I'll have it done in no time' I bring my feet up so I'm sitting crossed legged on the top of the unit and watch him as he sweeps up the mess paying attention to the task and making sure he gets every little glistening shard, he empties the pan in to the bin and glances around checking he's got it all 'right, think that's safe' he says finally looking at me, 'thank you' I reply looking into his eyes, he looks away pretty quick 'here let me get you some water' he says as he reaches up for another glass, filling it quickly and handing it to me, 'thank you' I say taking the glass and bringing it to my mouth, I take a gulp and move to get down from the unit scooting towards the edge, his hand shoots out to help me hop down, I take it hesitantly only needing the help as my other hand still held onto the glass and I didn't want a repeat of what just happened 'thanks' I say my feet hitting the floor, he drops my hand pretty quickly and takes a step back from me looking at his feet and giggling, he'd grabbed odd trainers, one was bright red and the other stripy neon colours neither matched his blue checked pj bottoms, I couldn't help but laugh myself 'now that's totally gangster' I giggle, his cheeks blush as he looks away from me 'thank you for rescuing me and cleaning up my mess' I say his eyes meeting mine once again 'Well I kinda caused the mess so its only fair I sort it out' he says running a hand round the back of his neck, 'god this is awkward' I think to myself' he doesn't look comfortable at all, is he feeling bad about last night, does he regret it I question myself, 'ill leave you too it' breaks me out of my thoughts as he walks past me towards his room, my stomach drops.

I don't want things to be awkward between us, 'Ed' I call just as he's about to close his door, I move to the end of the corridor and see him pause but not turn around hand still on the door handle, I panic wondering why i'd called out to him, my mind working fast trying to form words, 'I...erm ..I just want to say that I'm really sorry about last night' I say looking down at my hands 'and I hope things aren't going to be awkward between us now' he doesn't move so I continue 'I want you to feel comfortable here, you live here and I want you to feel like you can be around me without thinking badly of me' he spins round 'what?' he questions 'god no Grace I don't think badly of you' he's coming towards me now, concern showing in his expression 'I behaved shockingly last night, I should not have done that or put you in that position, I pushed things and I'm the one to blame so I'm the one who should be apologising' he's in front of me now 'Grace I'm so sorry, I feel so bad that I behaved that way, you let me into your home and I do that' he looks so pissed at himself and I'm wondering why he's feeling so bad, it was both of us not just him, I gave enough signs to indicate I was a willing participant and he could carry on, why would he feel he was to blame.. 'no' I interrupt him 'I was fully into that last night, there was no pushing involved, I was there and I wanted it so its not your fault at all' he looks down at me puzzled his brain processing what I'd said, 'you wanted it?' he questions hesitantly.

My breath catches as I realise I shouldn't have said that 'well, yes, I guess in the moment I wanted it' I say looking down avoiding his questioning eyes, 'Grace' my name on his lips send shivers right through me 'look at me' he asks his hand coming up to my chin and lightly lifting my face upwards till I meet his gaze 'if you wanted it, why did you stop me?' his lips look so good, soft and plump, my eyes are drawn to them like a magnet, I shake my head his hand falling from my chin 'I.. I.. Don't really know' I gulp ' I guess I panicked' my eyes searching for anything to look at so I didn't have to meet his gaze, 'you rent my spare room and you seem like a nice guy, getting involved with me really wouldn't be a good idea' I spit out, in a nano second he closes the gap between us his hands coming up to my cheeks lifting my face towards him and those lips are on me straight away, softly as if asking permission, I hold back not returning the kiss to start with mainly through shock and wanting my brain to catch up with what was happening, he pauses for a beat lips barely touching mine, eyes wide gazing deep into mine, he ever so lightly nips his tongue over my bottom lip which makes my knees weak and a whimper fall from my mouth, my lips come crashing back to his, desperate to taste him, my hands grab at his shoulders and neck pulling him into me, he backs me against the wall flattening his body against mine his forearms resting either side of my head flat against the wall, tongues probing each others mouths and centres grinding against each other we stay like that for a short while both enjoying the moment, he breaks away first looking down at me 'can I take you to my bedroom?' he asks in a slow breathy groan his nose gently touching mine as his lips fuse back against my waiting mouth, his tongue drags along my lower lip then flicks up into my open mouth dancing around with mine, god he tastes so good I think as I pull him closer, my hearts pounding and I cant seem to catch my breath, god I want him, I want him so bad but can I really do this...

'mmm hmm' I moan into his mouth unable to form words, he groans into my mouth in response which sends shockwaves right through my core, god I need him, but its been so long, my heart quickens with panic, he pulls away looking at me, studying my face making sure this is what I really want 'I need to hear you say it Grace' his face pleading with me, he's unsure I can see it in his eyes, my fingers trail up from his neck to his face, cupping each side sliding through his scruff, my thumb trailing along his bottom lip feeling it wet with our saliva's, so sexy, his mouth just makes me weak, I find my voice, low and lustful 'I want you Ed' I bring my face closer to his and lick his bottom lip 'I want you right now' I tell him landing my lips back on his, his whole body weight comes down on me pinning me even closer to the wall, he's grinding so hard against my core its driving me crazy, I feel his hands slide down my waist and over my ass stealing a squeeze as they travel further down my thighs, suddenly I'm being lifted, still snug against the wall, he hoists me up my elbows landing on his shoulders and my legs wrapping around his waist, he pushes me back against the wall and its then that I feel him, I gasp as I realise he's pushed against me, I can feel his length through the material that separates our cores, he's hard, so hard pushing against me, grinding into me,  I feel myself get slippery and I clench trying to get a bit of relief from the ache that's over powering my core and deep inside of me ' I need you' I breathe out into his mouth 'fuck' he replies 'you've no idea what you do to me' he stills his pelvis pushing up hard against me 'do ya feel that' 'do ya feel what you do to me' he groans, he lifts me away from the wall taking all my weight easily and carries me to his room not loosing eye contact the whole time, he kicks the door closed behind him and lowers me down onto the bed climbing on as he does so at no point do our bodies separate, his lips find mine again, tenderly nipping and licking slowing things down, my hands twist through his hair feeling a heat rise deep inside of me, he holds himself up on his forearms and looks down at me, I bring my hands down running them over his shoulders and down his chest till I reach the hem of his t-shirt, I tug it up and he kneels slightly to allow the fabric to be cleared from his body, he's up between my legs kneeling shirtless and i swear I've never seen anyone look so sexy, I squirm slightly trying to get some relief, god I'm aching for him, I feel like I'm dripping wet already, he reaches out his hands landing at the waistband of my shorts, my hips naturally lift allowing him to remove them, he leaves my panties in place running his hands up my thighs after discarding my shorts, coming to a rest on my hips just below the hem of my vest, his eyes staring deep into mine as he slowly lifts the material up my body, I arch my back off the bed allowing him room to remove the vest, he all but growls as he catches sight of my breasts for the first time, I see him lick his lip as he stares alternating his glance between my eyes and my nipples which were hardening up under his lustful glare, he leans forward over me holding his weight up on one arm and brings his free hand up to cup my breast slowly dragging his thumb over my erect nipple, my back arches off the bed as groan escapes my lips, he lowers his head and his mouth approaches my wanting bud, I watch as he flicks his tongue out and circles me a few times before taking my nipple into his mouth and gently sucking, my core shoots up to press against him as I feel his warm mouth envelop me, my hands grab at his hair as I attempt to grind myself against him, he shifts lower so my core reaches his and he pushes back down on me, i pull his head up to me so I can feel his lips, the kiss is deep and passionate my hands pulling him in and my core searching for relief against his 'god I want you so bad Grace' he rasps as my mouth trails towards his ear, his scruff tickling the side of my face, my mouth nibbles at his neck up high by his ear slowly making a trail down until I'm nuzzling the grove where neck meets shoulder, he's pushing down hard on me, grinding me into the mattress, groaning as my mouth works him up into a frenzy, I feel his hand squeeze my breast as his finger and thumb roll my nipple around causing jolts of electricity to run through my core, his mouth is on my neck now leaving little nips as he travels down to my collar bones and right down the middle of my chest leaving nips and kisses between my breasts hand still working the one, he shifts his weight to his other hand and begins to work up my other nipple, pinching and puling  it between his heavenly fingers, my back arches again as his tongue slips down to my belly button, kissing and licking there for a beat, my hands grip his hair as he moves towards the fabric of my panties, his tongue trailing the line of them across my abdomen.

‘God he's driving me wild’ I think, the sight of him low between my legs is fucking divine, my hearts pounding as he moves his mouth over the front of my soaking panties, I grab his hair firm causing him to look up at me a worried expression flashes over his face 'Grace is this ok' he asks concerned, his mouth millimetres away from where I'm aching him to touch, my gaze is hard, trying to convey my thoughts to him, my brain unable to form sentences 'its. It's been.. Oh god, Ed I want this... I do..' his eyes are wide worrying about what I'm trying to say 'its just been... God its been so long for me.. I need... Oh god Ed' I'm breathless trying to voice how I'm feeling and doing a bad job at it, I bite my bottom lip feeling like i may cry any minute, he see's my upset and immediately moves up to touch his forehead against mine, his hand reaching out for my face, he holds me tenderly lifting my face so I meet his eyes 'I got you baby girl, I wont do anything you don't want me too, just say and I'll stop' he's so reassuring my heart all but melts 'oh Ed' I sigh lips crashing down on his, he takes my breath away with his gentle kiss, his fingers running through my hair, he kisses me until my worries disappear, then breaks away and travels back down my body leaving gentle kisses on the way. He's back at my core fingers hooking over the top of my underwear, I take a deep breath and lift my hips watching him slide the fabric down and free my legs, he's kneeling back up again sat between my legs which are drawn together at the thighs, suddenly I feel embarrassed, he senses this and calmingly rubs the tops of my thighs 'baby I gotta see you' he rasps 'please baby' his hands firmer on my thighs not pushing them open but willing them, I take a breath and relax my legs, letting them fall open, his eyes spread wide as he licks his lips 'so pretty baby girl' he says almost talking to my pussy and not me, i rest my hand low on my belly the other up near my head, he carries on rubbing my thighs fingers massaging the insides reaching higher with each stroke, I close my eyes  breathing deeply trying to calm my brain of the fact that Ed Sheeran the famous singer who happens to be my roommate is looking at my dripping wet pussy, oh god how did this happen, I concentrate on my breathing trying to calm myself, as I open my eyes I'm met with his deep blue pupils looking so wanting at me, he's desperate to dive in but he's cautious and seeking permission, his hands still stroking my thighs pausing close to where I'm aching for him to touch, my bottom lip tucks under my teeth and i nod in agreement my legs suddenly feeling shaky, he glances down to watch his hands inch higher, thumbs finally reaching my outer lips, he lightly traces the outline of them his breath hitching as he feels the first sign of my wetness, he concentrates on my dripping hole, lightly stroking his thumb over it, he lowers himself so his face is between my legs, i feel his warm breath dance over my opening as he raises his thumbs taking me with him exposing my swollen clit 'so beautiful' he exclaims as he lets his one thumb lightly circle over the little pink nub, my back arches up off the bed as I gasp at the sensations he's causing 'ohh Ed' i groan 'feel good baby?' he asks, i lift my head locking eyes with him and nod watching as his mouth inches closer to my centre, his eyes close as his tongue licks a light strip right up my opening i throw my head back down to the mattress gasping at how insanely good that feels, he repeats the lick this time a bit firmer stopping to look up at me before he makes one final stripe up my drenched core only this time he dips his tongue inside of me, just a quick dip 'god you taste amazing' he says before his mouth finds my clit, his tongue probing softly at first, he uses his thumbs to hold me open as he works his mouth over my clit, my hands reach for his hair pulling him in closer 'you like that baby?' he asks as i gasp at another jolt of pleasure 'god yes, please don't stop' I rasp back.

I cant seem to stop my groans, his mouth is driving me absolutely wild, I clamp down on his hair pushing my core up into his face, i can hear him lapping at my clit, sucking it into his mouth grazing his teeth over it, he's moaning in to me 'taste... So... Fucking...good...' he rasps between licks and sucks, god I'm coming apart right under his mouth, its been so long since I've felt anything like this, I can already feel the knot inside of me starting to unravel, layer upon layer of warmth emitting from my soaking pussy as his tongue works wonders on me, my hips seem to have a life of their own and keep shooting up to his mouth, he snakes an arm over my belly to ground me while he works, he's strong i think as I'm helpless to move, my thighs are tingling as the pressure inside of me builds, god I feel like I'll explode any minute but cant help wanting more 'Ed' I groan 'I need....' urgh, this feels too good I struggle to voice my needs 'what da ya need baby girl?' his tongue flicking over my clit as he looks up at me, oh god those eyes, that tongue, I can feel my wetness spreading all over my thighs, fuck I'm soaked for this guy! 'I need you' I whine breathless 'How'd you need me' he asks god he's making me say it, I tip my head back trying to hide my embarrassment, he senses my uncomfortableness and says 'is it my tongue you need inside you? As he takes a slow dip inside my drenched hole, I gasp, looking down at him slowly shaking my head, he smirks back up at me 'does my baby girl need my fingers?' he says dipping his tongue inside me once again, biting down on my lip I slowly nod watching as he brings his hand up to stroke me, he circles my clit a few times before slowly slipping his finger up inside of me his palm facing upwards and his thumb landing on my clit 'oh god' I'm up on my elbows staring down at him mouth open, its been so long since I've felt filled its an exquisite feeling, he slowly starts pumping in and out of me, rubbing my clit gently as he does, a few pumps and he withdrawers quickly re entering along with another finger 'Ed' i scream as my head  is thrown back 'god that feels so good' i screech as he pumps my pussy filling me up 'fuck you're tight' he says 'warm and tight just for me baby girl' he lowers his mouth to my clit as he continues finger fucking me, my pussy clenches tightly around his fingers as he tongues my clit, I almost fly off the bed when he starts sucking on me, I'm screaming and rasping swear words into the air above us hands wrapped tightly in his hair, it's then that I feel it, its like a firework going off deep inside of me spreading heat as it blows, 'Ed' I scream out as I convulse around his fingers, the spasms are strong and visible on my stomach, I clench tightly around his hand and he keeps pumping adding to the pleasure, I'm pulling hard on his hair shaking all over 'oh god..oh god...' falling from my lips he starts to slow his hand and gently withdrawers from me when i settle, his hand is dripping, his eyes light up at that sight 'fuck baby, all this for me' he says bringing his hand to his mouth to lick his fingers clean, my pussy spasms again at that sight 'oh' i gasp watching him take my fluids so willingly, the sight before me so sexy, he's still mere inches from my core his face glistening with my juices and he's eagerly licking me off of his hand fuck!! That sight wrecks me..

My heart is still pounding and I'm trying to steady my breathing, my hands leave his hair and come to cover my face, fuck, I cant believe I just came all over his face.. 'hey' he says 'you ok?' he's moving up my body resting on one arm at the side of me, he uses his other hand to lift my hands away from my face 'talk to me' he says 'I just came all over your face' I say almost cringing at the thought, he laughs 'yeah you fucking did, it was so fucking hot too' i look at him shocked, he trails his tongue over my closed lips 'you're so fucking sexy Grace, I've wanted to taste you since I first saw you' my mouth drops open 'what?' his lips are on mine and tongue taking advantage of my shock slips inside my mouth, I taste myself on him straight away and move to deepen the kiss pulling him closer by his hair, we stay there for a while just getting lost in each others mouths, I feel him lightly grinding against me, his arousal evident by the hard length pushed up against my soaking centre, poor guy i think he must be so desperate for some relief, i pull back and break the kiss, our eyes locked on each others 'Grace, we can stop if you want' he says when he sees me tentatively chewing my lip, he thinks I'm unsure about continuing but really I'm trying to decide if I'm brave enough to do what i really want to do, take him in my mouth and taste him, god I want to.. His eyes look so concerned, I lean up and gently nip his lips between my teeth, 'switch with me' I say barely a gasp but he groans in response, his hand falling to my hip pulling me with him as he rolls over and settles on his back, i land at his side one leg over his stomach, I push myself up and over so that I'm straddling him and sit upright looking down at him, i cant help it, my core starts to grind against him and he hisses at the sensation hands flying to my hips to help me along 'fuck you look so good sitting up there' he rasps 'grinding on ma cock making me so fucking hard for you' the groans and hisses coming from him are just divine, fuck you could listen to him for the rest of time, that mouth so talented in so many ways.

You let your hands fall to his chest lightly dragging down to his waistband where you toy with the material whist you continue to grind upon him 'need to feel you baby girl' he hisses pushing your hips down hard against his throbbing length, you hold yourself down on him 'yeah' you ask as you shuffle backwards slightly so your sitting over his thighs, you let your hand slide over his encased cock feeling the material of his pyjamas already soaked through, god he's hard, your thumb cant help but glide over his tip, his hips buck up as he groans throwing his head back, fuck he's so sexy you think, you slowly start pulling at the waistband the material sliding off is hips and down his thighs 'holy fuck!' you exclaim when his cock bounces free, his head shoots up eyes wide, you look up at him 'Ed, you're fucking huge' you say the shock evident on your face, he starts to laugh nervously 'yeah I've got a lot going on down there' 'you're fucking telling me' you reply your eyes trailing back down to his cock, you gulp as you reach out to touch him god he really is big you think, how the hell is that gonna fit you question in your head, you cant help the gasp as your hand lands on him, he's so warm and smooth and fills your grip so easily, you slide your hand up your thumb gliding over his tip 'fuck Grace' he rasps, you let your hand continue to lazily stroke him whilst you adjust your position so your weight is on your elbow and forearm next to his hip and you're lying between his legs, his thigh under your one arm, when you're settled you hold his cock still for a beat 'so fucking sexy' you exhale as you lean your mouth toward him,  you run your tongue from the base right up to his tip and he chokes out a raspy 'oh fuck' trying to keep his hips grounded, his head lifts and he's looking down at you watching as your tongue approaches for a second flattened lick to the underside of his cock 'fuck baby girl, your tongue feels amazing' you grin bringing your tongue down for another stripe along him only this time you don't stop at the tip you carry on encasing him in your mouth still looking up at him, his eyes are wide, mouth hanging open fist clinging to the bedsheets, you slowly lower your mouth down over his cock going about half way down before slowly dragging your lips back up, your tongue flattened against him the whole time coming up to flick the tip of his cock when you reach the top, you start your descent again this time taking more of him, god he's big you think as you try not to catch your teeth on him, your not sure you'll be able to take all of him so you use your hand on the uncovered section of his throbbing cock keeping your fist close to your mouth as you travel up and down his length 'feels so good baby' he rasps his hand coming to rest on the back of your head, you adjust so your leaning up over him balanced on your knees and one arm opening your throat up more for him and sink down over him taking more of him inside your mouth, he  almost shoots off the bed when he feels the back of your throat 'fuuuccckkk!!' he growels his hand twisting in your hair you slide back up his cock making a popping sound as you release him using your hand to stroke him as you look up to his lustful eyes, his chest is heaving and there's a sheen of sweat at his brow you notice as he brings his other hand to your face resting his palm on your cheek running his thumb over your lower lip, you slip your tongue out and lick his digit and he takes the invitation and slips his thumb into your mouth where you gently suck on it, he hisses 'such a pretty mouth' as he withdraws his thumb dragging your lip out slightly before letting it pop back into place, you take his cock back in your mouth and slide down as far you can wanting to take him further but struggling at his size, you go slow trying to warm your throat up for such an intrusion managing to take him slightly further each time, his grip is tighter in your hair and he's groaning at the sensations your causing him, the slurping sounds making your pussy clench as you work his cock into your soaking mouth slick with saliva and his pre cum, he tastes pretty good you think to your self enjoying the power you had over him and getting lost in the pleasure this act was giving you when he abruptly shoots up stilling your head with his hand, you look up eyes wide with fear what happened you question with your eyes 'fuck... Baby I'm sorry.. Fuck..' he stutters 'I need to stop baby..' i sit up 'oh' i say quietly unsure of what id done, he sees my worry and straight away sits up so his face is against mine his hand cradling my cheek 'that was fucking amazing but I'm so close baby and i don't want to.. Not like that this time.' it dawns on me why he stopped 'oh' I repeat again as his lips find mine 'god this mouth' he breaths into my open lips 'the things you make me feel baby girl' he growls between kisses, my hands come up to his hair and I lean my weight against him pushing him back down so I'm lying on top of him, my mouth moves to his neck where i kiss and lick trails on each side, his hand finds my nipple where he gently twists and tugs at me making me groan into his scruff 'do you have a condom?' I ask lifting up to kiss his lips 'bathroom' he replies between kisses, i press down on his shoulders lifting my weight off him 'don't move' I order as I dismount and head to the bathroom my legs slightly shaky.

I feel his head turn to watch me as i go, 'top drawer' he says as I enter the bathroom, pulling the light cord I'm instantly met with the sight of myself in the mirror above the sink, my hair a tousled mess and my cheeks flushed, I study myself for a moment my gaze dropping to my body, I hadn't always been slim although id been slimmer than this at one point, the running and regular yoga sessions had built up strength in my body and it was now firm and toned, something of which i was quite proud of, I knew I had a good body but that didn't stop me feeling a little self conscious especially as I was naked with Ed Sheeran the superstar singer, I shake my head almost scolding myself, 'not the time to think about this Grace' my brain says, I pull open the top drawer and am met with numerous bottles and boxes, different brands of aftershave and body wash filled the drawer, i root around a bit not finding what I'm after i move to the next drawer and bingo there they are an unopened box of condoms next to an electric shaver which considering how much facial hair Ed has I'm guessing isn't used an awful lot. I grab the box and  free it from its clear wrap and pop it open grabbing a little silver foil and heading back out to the bedroom, he's still exactly where i left him, head cocked to one side watching as i walk towards him, his cock still standing to attention laying snuggly against his belly, his one arm is tucked under his head and as my gaze raises to his face he smiles the sweetest smile as I mount the bed scooting over towards him, 'can you?' I ask handing him the foil, he rips it open as I swing my leg over his body resting on his thighs watching as he takes himself in hand and gently rolls the condom over and down his length giving himself a few strokes once its in place, I feel my pussy clench at this sight, his hand moves to my thigh stroking 'come here' he says his hand trailing from my thigh to my ass as I lean over and down to meet his lips, his tongue finds mine as his hand tangles in my hair, he breaks away 'you sure this is ok Grace?' he asks tentatively, nodding i sit back up moving myself closer to his cock, I take him in my hands and gently run them the length of him, I cant help but worry at his size, as if on auto pilot my hand falls to my opening and my fingers slip inside of myself gently pumping to slick them up, he crosses his hands behind his head linking his fingers and lifting his head for a better view, he's biting his lip eyes wide watching as I finger fuck myself, he hisses when he see me bring my soaked fingers to his cock, getting him ready for me, I run the wetness up and down his shaft hearing him growl and seeing his cock twitch as i do so, i repeat the plunging of my fingers making sure he's well slicked, and move my soaked pussy to line up with him.

I ever so slowly lower myself, gasping as I feel his tip meet my hole, my lip tucks beneath my teeth and I bite down as I lower myself further, fuck he's really stretching me, 'shit' I hiss as he's hardly inside me, the burn it had been so long since id felt starting as I lower further, his hands come to my hips gently helping steady me 'look at me Grace', my eyes fixed on his cock entering me, I look up his eyes filled with concern 'we don't have to' he says, I move my hands higher on his chest resting over the lion and slowly sink the rest of the way down on him 'oh fuck' tumbles from his mouth as his fingers dig into my hips, my head drops, my hair grazing his chest, I don't think I've ever felt so full, he's stretching me in the most delightful way and I need a moment to process how that feels, I stay still for a few beats adjusting to him then as my head lifts to meet his eyes I slowly start rising off him, lifting almost clear of him before sinking back down 'fuck' he growls looking down at where he's enveloped by my wetness watching as he comes into view as I lift 'oh Grace, you're riding my cock so fucking good' he splutters as I come back down on to him, picking up speed I lean forwards my hands either side of his head on the bed gripping at the material, his hands working my hips up and down helping my movements along, I feel like I've been holding my breath as its only now that sound emits from me, long sighs and Breathy swears leave my lips, 'Ed' i sigh into his neck 'fuck' i bite down on his shoulder as he hits the right spot over and over, he's grazing my g spot in the most wonderful way, layer upon layers are building deep within me, I bury my face in his scruff little screeches escaping every time he hits that spot, his hand moves to the small of my back working me down on his cock in a grinding motion 'oh god' I rasp 'I'm so close' my fists tighten in the bed sheets and my face resting in his crook, 'come for me baby girl' he growls 'gotta feel you' he rasps in my ear hands pulling me down on him at such an angle I cant do anything other than hold on and wait for it to hit, I'm biting my lip trying to suppress my screams when I feel the first wave take me, i clench down hard on him and hear him hiss as he feel me start to spasm around his cock 'that's it Gracie, let me have it' he growls egging me on, my whole body is flooded with heat, my limbs shaking and body tense as my pussy spasms wildly around him, it feels like its lasting forever, he slows his pumps up into me using long slow strokes as i ride out my pleasure, I feel weak as his arms wrap around my waist holding me tightly while my breath returns, I try to lift my head to look at him but I'm spent, exhausted from the mind blowing orgasm id just had, all i can do is sigh into his neck, my breathing has finally slowed when i feel him lift and he rolls me over so he's snug on top of me cock never leaving my pussy.

He brushes the hair from my face and finds my lips where he tenderly kisses me, cock still moving long and slow inside me, our kiss breaks and he rests his forehead on mine and closes is eye 'you feel so good around my cock Grace, so tight and wet just for me' he quietly says, I reach up taking his face in my hands 'fuck me Ed' I say as I nip his bottom lip, 'you want me to fuck ya?' he asks 'fuck me' I repeat our eyes lock and I feel him start to move a little faster, short fast strokes replace the long deep ones and within a moment he's pounding into my pussy hands still in my hair holding my face so i cant look away 'you wanna be fucked' he rasps skin slapping against mine 'ahh' i sigh arching my back off the bed as he hits the delicate spots inside that drive me wild 'fuck me Ed' I'm gasping 'please fuck me' my lips are back on his deep and forceful as he starts to slam into me at a speed i can barely keep up with, I'm trying to meet his thrusts but it feels so good I keep missing a beat, it doesn't throw him off, he carries on fucking into me at an amazing speed, 'Ed' i screech as my legs come up and wrap around his waist 'you like that baby girl?' he asks biting at my ear my back arching up off the bed clinging to him as he hits deep inside of me 'pussy feel so good' 'taking all of me so deep' 'fuck so tight'  his mouth is at my shoulder teeth nipping as he dives into my welcoming pussy, his shoulder tense up letting me know he's close, his thrusts start to miss a beat, I run my tongue up his neck stopping just below his ear to sink my teeth in, kissing it to soothe any pain after, 'gonna cum for me?' i rasp in his ear 'fuuuccckkk' he groans back at me 'gonna fill me up good?' I nip at his earlobe 'fuck Grace' he breathes out before his hips slam into me deep where he stills and i feel him shooting out inside of me, filling the rubber barrier breathy 'ahh's' falling from his lips until his body slumps against mine 'fuck baby' he says as he lifts his upper body from mine and uses one hand to clear his face of his sweaty damp hair still breathing hard he looks down at me 'you ok baby?' his concern evident in his shaky voice, my hands rest on his shoulders 'I'm good' I nod back catching my own breath my eyes feeling heavy I close them for a short while opening when I feel him slip out of me, gosh I feel so empty now, he kneels up still between my legs and I watch as he rolls the condom off gently making sure not to let any fluids escape he leans over and grabs a tissue from the bedside cabinet and rolls the rubber up and tosses it back on the cabinet his hands landing at my thighs stroking slowly, 'here' he says pulling the covers back, we're still horizontal on the bed so I have to scoot up and round to land in the space he's offering me, my eyes close as my head lands on the fluffy pillow and i feel him climb in next to me and cover us both up, he rolls to face me, gently kissing my forehead 'sleep baby girl' he soothes as the darkness takes me.

TBCxx

[xseniaxgorex]

yesterday fucked me up

i spent my morning panicking then bein handcuffed on my bed to be taken to my fuckin living room & these cops had the fuckin nerve to be a dick and ask me “why are you crying like that?” bc im panicking asshole, they handcuffed me bc i wasn’t talking while i was having a whole ass panic attack , if you literally kno me i cannot TALK if im having a panic attack my mind is all over the place i hear you i can’t process what’s going on my mind goes stupid I shut down ive had so much bs happen to me bc i can’t talk & ppl take it the wrong way

& this only happened bc me & my mom we’re going at it in the mornin bc last night i asked her if she could move my sisters car literally jus move it forward while i get myself in the garage & she pretty much told me go look for parking somewhere else who gives a fuck if there’s an empty garage that no one is using go park far as fuck. & i parked in the red & i told her if i get a ticket im not going to pay for it.

& the only reason why i wanted to park in the garage was bc i didn’t want to wake up in the morning to move my car i wanted to sleep in i worked that day i was off the next day i wanted to sleep in ive been sleeping like shit lately so i was mad I knew if i left my car in the red she was going to bug the shit out of me in morning bc it only mattered to her bc i said she would pay for the ticket if i didn’t say that she wouldn’t have bugged me as she did in the morning so of course i was passed & talking shit & my stupid sister decided to get in it. pretty much tried to talk shit on me bc i lost my car but i came back at her & said atleast i got a new one without mommy’s help atleast i can drive & move a car out of the garage driveway & she got mad bc i literally told her off she started crying & she decided to call the cops to feel on top of this whole bullshit. i got mad & said she’s acting like my mom bc i got mad that she were both surrounding me room door to talk shut while i was inside but i came put & she closed herself in the room i don’t take shit talking behind doors behind a fuckin computer screen ect. I wanna talk shit SAY IT TO MY FUCKIN FACE. She got mad because i got in her face & was louder & was saying the fucking truth if this was the other way around & my sister came home & saw my car in the drive way & knew there was NO ONE using the garage she would told my mom & she would’ve bugged the shit out of me until i got up to move my car for her i kno that for a fact.

earlier that day too i saw that tweet of the whole kidnapping shit & i got paranoid bc i was on my lunch in my car & there had been a van parked behind me my whole lunch he wasn’t waiting for a parking spot he was parked behind me so i panicked & left my car earlier to wait for my lunch to end inside my jobs break room & i realizes that in a panick i locked myself out the car & luckily my manager was cool with me trying to open my car after i clocked in from my lunch so like anyone the first person you wanna call is your parent for help especially since i live with my mom inexpected her to help me out i asked her to bring my spade & she hits me with go ask your boyfriend to. So i hung up & i felt like shit i expected help bc i know if it was my sister she would’ve got her spares & dropped them off no hesitation so bullshit remarks. So i panicked again & bc of my manager she gave me an idea to take a hanger & it worked but i had a reason to panick about that guy in the van he took a picture of me he was in his van with his phone out & i saw his camera on the screen. The whole time i was trying to get into my car he was there & it sucks cause i made myself feel worse i made things worse for myself. So me going home that night after that it made me feel like shit for my mom to continue to pretty much not give a fuck about me. & it sucks bc it was my sister who posted that tweet.

like it fuckin sucks bc if it was me & i heard my sister & mom arguing to move my car i would’ve came out to shut them up & to help my sister out bc i wouldn’t want her to park far. But it only shows how much my “family” cares.

all this was avoidable if they jus let me in the garage my sister called the cops for no point she tried to bring up the past to the cops on the phone so i was talking shit & saying but are you saying i get mentally abused & that I’m clinically diagnosed with depression & anxiety??????? that the only time I ever talk back & yell back is if im being treated wrong & being talked to in that tone??? Bc i want to defend myself?

like i literally was panicking in my room & the cops were trying to open my door.

before they came i almost started cutting myself bc i had enough of my mom & sister not giving a fuck when i heard the cops outside my room i panicked so bad i called my dad but he wasn’t picking up the only person i was on the phone with was ricky & when the cops came they took my phone way & hung up on him. the only thing keeping me from getting worse was ricky telling me he was on his way.

I was so scared i was in a ball hugging my cinnamonroll i didn’t want to fucking talk to the stupid cops my mind was to busy trying to understand why my own blood would do this to me make me the bad person when all i fuckin wanted was to park in the stupid garage no one was fucking using. They handcuffed me bc i was panicking & not talking they were trying to force me to talk when i could barely even breathe & they pulled me off my bed to handcuff me to jus walk me to the living room??? like why handcuff me to jus walk me to my sofa? i was not resistin at all i jus could not talk i could barely breathe. So then they started asking me if i had depression & if i take medication so then they called an ambulance bc i wouldn’t shut up & they told me that if i went with the abundance & take the medication they would give me they would remove the handcuffs so i panicked even more bc i can’t fucking even afford my own medication rn i can’t afford a fuckin ambulance so i was scared bc i felt like i had no choice i was still in panick bc i was still trying to process this whole bullshit situation

when the ambulance came im glad they showed up bc they were the only ones giving a fuck about my breathin & my hyperventilating.

& they were talking to me & i told my mom calls me crazy when i panic & pretty much everyone was on my side bc they knew i had a mental issues & that i don’t jus get like that for no reason i was triggered by my mom after me & my sister were fighting i went to the bathroom to pee & i heard my mom telling my sister calm down she’s jus crazy don’t bother with her.

like that’s what set off my panick attack bc im tired of this bullshit i can’t stand up for myself without being called crazy.

The paramedic lady went to my mom & told her not to say that to me.

when ricky showed up he was the one who calmed me down he got me a water he hugged me he does this cute thing where he breathes with me so i follow his breath taking & everyone was jus glad he showed up bc i calmed down he knows how to help me with my panic attacks

the same lady asked me if i still wanted to go & i said no, i really thought i had no option.

they also told my mom for permission for ricky to stay with me bc he’s keeping me calm. bc the whole time when he showed up she was telling them she didn’t want ricky in the House & even tho she said yes i didn’t want to be in this stupid house we left.

but then i decided to do laundry so i came back home bc that’s what i wanted to do yesterday that was my plan to sleep in & then do chores at home till ricky was off. but he decided to ditch work to come see me when he heard everything happening.

we spent the rest of the day snatching & drawing at the beach for like 4 hrs & then went to go get pizza.

i thought we were going to have the rest of a good day but we ended up getting pulled over while leaving down the street for not having the headlights on but my car is weird bc it’s a 90s car so we thought they were on. they handcuffed ricky & let me stay in the car & i started crying again bc i was completely sick of cops the rest of the day & for us to be dealin with one again jus triggered me again so i was crying. i was scared they were gonna take ricky they were trying to find illegal shit on us. When they stopped us i was asleep in the back bc panick attacks are draining so when i woke up i woke up bc i heard the cop on the speaker & noticed the lights behind us & they started flashing the light in my face & that’s when they told ricky to get out & handcuffed him. i was really gonna panick if they put handcuffs on me again.

i have a bruise on my left wrist from the unnecessary handcuffs they put on me yesterday mornin

& now im drinkin & smoking bc i feel depressed af & i don’t want to physically hurt myself i cried typing this shit out but fuck my mom & sister they are canceled I KNO I CANT COUNT ON THEM FOR SHIT.

my dad called me while i was getting my laundry stuff ready at home & i told him everything & he could not understand why they took it to the extreme & whythey did not jus let me use the garage for my car when it was empty. he then told me & this hurt to hear he said i don’t know why both gang up on you & why they treat you this way but know im always here for you you can’t count on me for anything , im going to talk to them jus calm down’ & i kept saying i kno that thats why i called you. My dad was the only who protected me from my mom when she would mentally beat down on me

i can’t stop crying i feel like shit

[ty-dyed]

This is the first short story ive ever written so i figured i would post it here. Hopefully whoever decides to read this enjoys it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       “Hope"       

     I've been sitting here for years, untouched, unloved, starting to wither away. I see people pass everyday, living their lives happy and fulfilled, wondering if I will ever feel the same. I'm cracked, splintered, and falling apart, yet I remain hopeful that someone, someday will see the worth I possess. I used to be strong and secure, keeping whoever lived within protected. I'd give them a place to feel safe when it felt as though the world was caving in around them. I helped them and they helped me, giving me the love and attention I needed. But now no one has paid me the least bit of attention, but that's okay, I know there will be someone to come along. At some point. Each day I try to stay hopeful, I try to remind myself "Someone has always been there, they'll come back just give them time." Though, as the days go by and days fade to nights I begin to feel more and more hopeless. Rain is constantly falling on my head and I can feel it seeping into my every pore, soaking me and making me feel the weight of every drop. The world has never felt more bleak and empty, but one day someone comes along. Her sleek black car rolls up and slows to a stop. She steps out looking very professional with her clipboard and business suit, and takes a look at me. She looks me up and down marking things down on a piece of paper and then continues to stare at me. I start to feel panicked. What's happening? Is this my end? Have they finally sent someone to tear me down? I just want to live a happy life, cant they see that? All I need is someone to care for me and I can bring them so much joy and happiness.     

         The person in her navy blue suit walks up to me following my broken stone path leading up to the porch. She very carefully steps through the porch avoiding my missing and broken wood planks; she makes more marks in her notepad. I can see her marking more things down as she walks through the mess I once was happy to call a foyer. My chandelier fallen and shattered, my hall tables covered in layer after layer of dust and dirt. My second floor has come crashing down exposing me even further to this stranger of whos motivations I am uncertain. She keeps making her way through my insides, passing by my dining room to her left and the large living room to the right heading into the kitchen. I used to be so happy about this specific room, one family that lived here would have wonderful breakfast feasts right before the children went to school, one father lingers about after dinner was done to help out the mother clean the dishes when the kids didn't want to, one child often snuck in to steal leftovers out of the refrigerator. It was a place for the families to come together after each of their long days and trade stories and just be in each others company. But no one has been in here for so long, this stranger is the first person to step foot inside me in I don't know how many years. She finished making her marks in here and continues down to the basement, Its never been much, mostly just a storage space for most families. The basement has always been very untrustworthy, flooding more times than I can even count . There's not much in here just concrete walls and a small room that contains my water heater and another small room for storage. She makes a mark or two and makes her way back up the stairs.    

       She heads back to the back door and opens it up carefully so she doesn't accidentally harm herself. She steps out under the awning and takes note of my backyard. I have always loved my backyard, so spacious with plenty of room for a dad to play catch with his son, or brothers to play hide and seek. The large oak tree to the right near the fence provides the right amount of shade for the kids to relax and take a breath. The tire swinging gently in the breeze reminds me of the mom that helped her son hang it up. He was so happy to finally have one after seeing them on TV so much, he would be on that thing all day never getting off until his parents called or he got so dizzy he fell off. The memory helps give me a slight bit of happiness, but I'm drawn back to reality as the woman makes more notes and walks back in. She heads to the stairs in the main hallway but cant get more than halfway up because all the stairs have either fallen in or have been waterlogged by a large gaping hole in my roof. As she looks up and back down to the fallen staircase I cant help but feel embarrassed. I know its not my fault but I have to believe that there's something I did wrong to deserve this. Did I not provide enough for the families that lived here? Is there more that I could have done to help and support them? I only want the best for anyone who decides to call my house a home and this feels like karma for some reason.    

      The mysterious suited woman now walk to the front door trying to look through the hole in my second floor to make any marks she can before leaving. She marks down what she can before heading out of my door less front archway. As she walks down the path from the front door to the sidewalk she goes over what she wrote down. She takes one last look at me before stepping into her car and driving off, leaving me to wonder and worry about what her visit meant.    

        A few days have passed and once again I've begun to feel as though the strangers visit meant nothing. what good could her coming to me even do? At most she was taking inventory so she could have anything of value removed out of me before scheduling my destruction. Maybe that's for the best, I mean nothing has happened for me in so long. I don't know why I have kept my hopes up for anything to happen, no one cares about me anymore. I just need to face that. My insides are ugly, dilapidated, broken, shattered. No one would want to live here anymore. I cant provide warmth, or protection, or a place to feel safe anymore. Maybe demolition is the best case scenario for me, at least I wouldn't have to sit here wasting away anymore, hoping for anything anymore. But as I've begun to make my peace with everything that very same black car come rolling along down the street. I half expect it to dive past but it stops and the same woman steps out and grabs something from her backseat. Its a sign. I cant quite make out what it says but she walks around her car and steps off the sidewalk onto my unruly lawn. She impales the sign into the ground and that's when I'm finally able to make out what it says. But that cant be true, the sign reads "For Sale! Call this number for inquiries."   I'm completely taken off guard. Why would anyone want to buy me? I'm useless as I am and no one is going to want to put in such a large amount of work when they could just go and buy a perfectly fine house that doesn't require nearly as much work. I wont get my hopes up. I'm not going to trick myself into hoping anymore. This might as well be another piece of trash that's blown onto my lawn again. I'm not going to pay any attention to it. But as time passes and my weariness grows, a small voice in my consciousness argues that I need to have hope.    

     "Why?" I respond, "I've been hoping for years ive got nothing to show for it. Everyone has left. No one cares. Just look at me, I'm falling apart! I wish a tornado would just blow through me shredding my soul into a million pieces sensing them in a thousand different directions."  

     "Without hope we don't have anything to live for." the tiny voice responds, "We need to have faith that someone will come along and see the potential in us. We need to believe that. Hope has gotten us this far, if we stop now the rest of our days will be spent in agony and suffering. You don't want that. I can tell deep down in your foundations that you want to hope. You want to believe. So just give me that. Hope for just a little while longer."   

  I don't want to hope anymore. I want it to just end.          

       As the days go by, my exterior shell gets weaker and weaker. I'm being tortured, being forced to stand here seeing my body decompose and die while not being able to so anything about it. Its a nice clear day so the sun is beating down on me. The warmth is the only thing that I have ever truly been able to feel and it feels especially nice today. Its and average day, nothing too out of the ordinary when I notice a van driving down the road. I don't think anything of it, cars drive past everyday but this one comes to a stop at the curb near me. A man steps out of the drivers side door and comes around to open the back door. Two children and a dog come running out, then the passenger side door swings open and a woman steps out. Its the woman from before but this time she isn't wearing her business suit, instead she's traded that in for a pair of beige shorts and a teal shirt.     

     "Are you sure about this place?" the man says, "It looks like a death trap. I'm not sure I want the kids running around In there."   

     "Trust me," she looks at the man "all this guy needs is a little love and caring." She looks me up and down and I feel that warmth again but this time its not because of the sun.   

    She goes into the back of the van and grabs two sets of tool belts, "Come on, we've got some work to do if we want to turn this house into a home." she says with a smile "Kids, you can go play in the backyard. There's even a tire swing for you Sam, I know how bad you've wanted one of those."     

     And as the kids take off towards my backyard I feel that bit of hope lift back into me. Someone has taken a chance on me, I don't know why but they have. I feel like crying, but I'm a house, so I cant. But I am able to feel every bit of happiness that this young family has been able to give me. This family has saved me from an endless torture. I'm just so happy they've decided to believe in me. The End.

[blog-optimisticcoffeestuden-blog]

Newbern Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24126

"Newbern Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24126

Newbern Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24126

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Alright so if I get hit by a car after 3 months of having life insurance and I die does my beneficiary get the 1 million?Or will that person only get how much I have payed with the payments?

Urgent legal advice for car insurance compensation?

Hi! All I had small car accident with a taxi on the Sydney Harbour Bridge 4 month ago. I admited the fault and made a claim to my car insurance company. but they have delayed compensation to the taxi company over 5month. but I didn`t know how it was going on their dealing.. Finally, I have got a letter which is about under managemnt by our local court about our attachment of property and fine. Because the taxi company want get competsation from me. I already pay the payment for that claim and my insurance company agreed to pay the compensaton for. what should I do for my situation. please give me legal advice. Thank you.""

How do i answer this question about car insurance?

My sister and i are on the loan for a car that I'm driving. We have insurance but im not on it. I want to put it under my name now, but when i get a quote online they ask if ...show more""

Motorbike Insurance 600cc ~ 1000cc?

Iam 24 years old ( will do the bike test later this year ) I would just like a rough figure on what would it cost the insurance for these bikes. CB 600 hornet HONDA CBR 1000 KAWASAKI Z1000 KAWASAKI ER 650 YAMAHA R1 YAMAHA R6 Iam asking because iam abroad and i cant do the quotes else i would not loose time asking If someone could be kind enough to help out just with a near figure iwould gladly apreciate the help.

Did you know 62 percent of American bankruptcies are linked to medical bills. 78% of which had insurance?

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/30/opinion/30kristof.html?em Found the stat in this article and was shocked. Let me know what your opinion on the stat and article. And as always, please be respectful whether you agree or disagree. Thanks!""

Motorcycle Insurance?

If i accidentally knock over my bike, will insurance cover that? if so, which coverage covers it?""

""How much is insurance going to cost me, 18 and driving a Nissan altima?

How much will it cost to insure myself at this age?

""No vehicle, Need SR22 Or Non Owners Bond? Ohio.?""

Situation- September 2009 I got my license suspended due to an OVI. I live with my parents whom own vehicles but I do not have one in my name. I am in the military, and my mother is ill. Both need me to get my license so your information is much appreciated. I want to get my license reinstated so I can drive my mothers vehicle when required. I am not sure where to get a non owners bond, or the correct SR22. I have called insurance companies and they say they cannot help me. I know I need to pay the reinstatement fee and provide proof of FR. Does the Non owners bond count as FR. Can I drive legally with it or do I need an insurance policy on top of that. Thank you for your help.""

What do i need to bring for a driving test in california?

im going to take the driving test in california, what will i need to bring? (not the written test) i know ill need my permit and insurance stuff, what else? do i need my social security card or my birth certificate?""

Where can I find average sale prices for cars?

I'm looking to find a website that will give me the average sale price for cars. NOT looking for blue book value. The reason why is my car (2000 infiniti g20) just got totaled and my insurance company will only give me the price I would get if I were to sell it on the market . An autobody owner, an auto insurance rep, and a car dealer all say that I should be getting more than the $3,800 my insurance company is offering (including sales tax!), but say that I should get some data online to have a convincing case that I could get more. The blue book value is around $4900-5200. I'm looking for a website with either charts or simply figures that give average sale prices for certain vehicles. Thanks!!!""

WA Instruction Permit & Car Insurance?

I have recently been issued a Washington State Instruction Permit and was wondering if I need to be included to my mom's insurance before I can use her car to practice my driving? (I am of legal age already) Just want to know about the insurance thing. Thank you so much!

How long do i have to wait to change to a cheaper car insurance company?

I just got this car last week, and it's used and the dealer financed me, but i had to go get full coverage on it before i drove it off the lot. It was late in the day and i was panicked , so i hit the 1st office i could find, and that's going to be about $150 a month for full coverage (!!) Do i have to wait for a period before shopping a new insurance co. ? If so , how long?""

Question about life insurance?

I have life insurance and went to update my insurance today. In 2003 I became disabled and did not know about the disability clause. Where I don't have to pay the premiums anymore. Can I change my term life to whole life? Will I get back pay from 2003? I want to know this before my agent calls me next week with the answers. Please don't try and sell me insurance for as I won't qualify anyways just the answers please.

How much is car insurance in CA?

My family is planning to move to CA because my dad got a better job. We have 4 drives in the house. How much would it cost a mouth for one car?

Best & cheapest car insurance company in Cincinnati OH?

Which is the best and cheapest car insurance company out there that provides full coverage? I am paying about 180 for 2 cars right now and I want to know if there is anything else out there that can be better. I am currently with Geico

Car Insurance for young people?

I know I can go online and get a quote by entering in a bunch of information.. But generally speaking.. How much would insurance be for 1.) an 18 year old female college student with good grades, no accidents or tickets. 2.) a 20 year old male college student with good grades and 1 speeding ticket Asking about general liability for a semi-decent car. Any other information would be great =]""

I need help with getting insurance...?

I am 19 years old and have just passed my test, I am female. I'm not sure what car to get that will be cheap on insurance and to buy??? any help would be much appreciated.""

Pregnancy insurance???????

im pregnant and i dont have insurance that will cover me or the baby. I am trying for medicaid and will probably qualify but barely. And i want to get married before the baby is born but again we might just barely qualify. Is there any suggestions on insurance plans or help with medicaid?

How much is insurance on 2003 lexus IS300?

wondering how much i might be paying a month if im getting a more expensive car..?

How much is insurance for young drivers?

Young drivers 18 & over

Newbern Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24126

Newbern Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24126

Health insurance help.?

So my father canceled our insurance last year and we have no health insurance. I know that this leaves us in a very bad spot. Im looking for some advice as to what me and my family should do. My mom is 40 and my dad is 38 my brother is 12 and i am 18. We make just under 60K a year. My father is a private contractor so we had an idea to try and get him business insurance that would cover my family. My mom had an idea to get a legal separation with my father to help keep cost down. I don't know how well any of that would work. I don't know very much about how health insurance works or any loopholes we can use. So i guess i need to know. a) How can we get cheap health insurance in New Jersey ? b) What are the best plans for people in my situation ? c) Is there anything i should know about health insurance to help my family out? Thanks so much in advance.

What would be cheaper on insurance?

I'm thinking of getting a 1987-1995 jeep wrangler yj or a 1992 acura integra. Which would be cheaper on insurance? thanks.

Cheapest car insurance for tri state area?

i heard cure is the cheapest car insurance? you guys know any other cheap car insurances?

Cheapest car for insurance?

My parents have agreed to get me a car, but the insurance has to be cheap. We have allstate and i have no idea what the cheapest car would be to get, insurance wise. thanks for any help!""

18 Year Old Male's Car Insurance?

Hi, I passed my driving test in September 2010. I've been looking at insurance quotes for small run arounds like Renault Clios, Vauxhall Corsa's, Volkswagen Polo's etc but cant find anything lower than 6000, and thats without evening paying another 1400 for the car itself ! I've been thinking about getting insured on my dads Toyota Corolla, its a 1.4 diesel hatchback and he's had his license for 30 years and his premium is 400. If i were to get insured on it the price would be 2500, do you think thats worth it or is it better to shop around and get insured on my own name ? I just want to use the car now and then rather than using it regularly because i dont really need to right now..""

Insurance for a new driver?

Seventeen in a couple of months, and naturally want a car. I know I am going to have to get something small and low-powered, because I am a male and live in a part of England usually on fire. I also know what the insurance criteria are (Age, Where you live, where the car is parked, what you use it for, how often you use it etc..) I don't particularly want to be done for fraud, so no fronting please. Just wondering if there is any way to lower the cost of insurance? Don't mind driving a van, car etc. etc. (Not a motorbike..) Probably pis.sing in the wind trying to get a loophole, but I don't want to fork out 3k to insure a Citroen AX/2CV6. Any help/advice greatly appreciated.. :)""

How much does motorcyles insurance run??

I want to be an inexpensive bike to save gas money (like a ninja 250) and I'm curious how much laibility insurance is... my car insurance is only $30 a month and I have a perfect driving record, no accidents. thank you""

Problem with car insurance?

This isn't my car. So sorry if I'm fussy on details. Basically in the snow a car lost control of their car and crashed into my friends car. Which was parked up. They were decent and called their insurance company. Unforcantly there's a problem with the door that needs to be replaced. They said they will give her 600 and she has to cover the rest. Surely it all should be paid by their insurance not just some of it? Her father wants to demand money off the bloke which I don't thinks right. But I wanted to know where they stand on getting money off the insurance. And what advise I can give them. Why pay insurance if they don't give out. Doesn't make sence. Anyone been in a similar situation? What was the result? Cheers.

How can i get someones car insurance info if they wont give it to me? They wouldnt give it to the cops either.

The cops wouldnt let me speak with the other driver and he would not show them proof of insurance. His guardian said he had insurance but she would not give it to me. She wouldnt even give me her name. I have the license plate number but I cant find out who they are insured under. The police report stated that the other driver was at fault for the accident but the police say that they can't make them give upt hat information. I know that by law they have to give me that info. please help i have no idea how to get this information

All nevada insurance?

All Nevada Insurance at Martin Luther King Blvd., Las Vegas, Nevada 89106. Have they moved?""

Car tax and insurance?

how mich is yax and insurance on a car for over 25s my bf is nearly 25 and starting to drive xxx

How Much is Insurance For a 16 Year Old Girl?

16 year old girl Good school attendance record.Grades could be better. Dallas,Texas. Hispanic(If that matters) Mom and Stepdad have Allstate insurance What is the general price range? And for these cars,can you estimate(I'm NOT getting these cars just curious)I am getting a used Dodge avenger though!(: 2008 Dodge Charger 2010 Chevy Camaro 2008/2009 Dodge Avenger I already asked this in the insurance section but I want more opinions/answers""

Can I cancel my car insurance at any time?

I've been with Zurich car insurance for 1 year and 10months, insured on my mums car as named driver. The time has come to get myself a car on my own insurance. We pay the current insurance monthly. There are two months left on the current policy, is there normally any cancellation fee's? If so, ruffly how much should I be looking at? Also.. Would I have any NCB as I was named driver on the policy? Thanks.""

Will my car insurance decrease every year?

I am in my first year with my car insurance in Ontario. Please tell me how it works. By the end of every year, will they re-calculate my insurance rate or keep it the same? Providing I have accident- and ticket-free history, will I be paying lower every year or not?""

""Learner drivers, what litre is your car and how much do you pay insurance?""

Learner drivers, what litre is your car and how much do you pay insurance?""

Why do hundreds of thousands die every year WITH health insurance?

Should we ban it? Isn't this the same argument as Dems use when they say 45,000 die with no health insurance? It's not because. In fact, there was a study done. Here are the results: The possibility that no one risks death by going without health insurance may be startling, but some research supports it. Richard Kronick of the University of California at San Diegos Department of Family and Preventive Medicine, an adviser to the Clinton administration, recently published the results of what may be the largest and most comprehensive analysis yet done of the effect of insurance on mortality. He used a sample of more than 600,000, and controlled not only for the standard factors, but for how long the subjects went without insurance, whether their disease was particularly amenable to early intervention, and even whether they lived in a mobile home. In test after test, he found no significantly elevated risk of death among the uninsured. See that? No elevated risk of death among the uninsured? Do some of you get that you're being played yet? I'd love to see reform, but should we concentrate on the common sense Republican solutions to bring down costs?""

Will my car insurance go up?

I got my first driving ticket for going 75 in a 65 and didnt use my blinker and it was a 170 dollar ticket. Will that make my insurance go up? if so how much?

What are some discounts that many auto insurance companies offer that might help save some money?

10pts to best answer. Question about auto insurance policies? I just earned my drivers liscence. My father is dreading the cost of adding another driver to the family auto insurance policy. What are some discounts that many insurance companies offer that might help save my dad some money when the premium is due?

Ownership of whole life insurance?

My grandfather bought me whole life insurance (paid up in full) when I was an infant and then made my father the owner. I am the insured. My father and I are no longer on speaking terms and I want ownership of my life insurance. Because I am 23, shouldn't the policy have become mine when I became an adult? I mean, it's not like I ever signed anything when I was a baby. If something were to happen to me, he would be the beneficiary - that's not something that I want. Is there legal precedent for me to regain control? Is there any situation in which I would NEED to be the owner of my life insurance, so that I can tell him that he must transfer ownership to me?""

How much does a Triple AAA insurance agent make on average?

How does Triple AAA pay their agents? Their agents don't sell Life Insurance right? What all do they sell? How does this job compare to...say a State Farm agent?

Best room insurance for a University student?

Which company provides the best deal on room insurance for students? Cheers

Do you think I need insurance?

I have to have insurance on my car for 3 years because I got a ticket for no insurance and suspended license. I just recently go rid of my car...do I still need the insurance. People have told me to at least keep liability non-owners insurance, but that's $266 a month for me...!!! Can I just forget the insurance and ride the bus?""

Car insurance ?? 10 PTS please help?

My mum bought a car and as a good son I said I'd pay for the insurance if I got to be the additional driver .. now can I put my mother's details down on the insurance form and Il just be an additional driver and as an additional driver am I covered for her car ? And CAN I PAY THE INSURANCE WITH MY BANK CARD ?? please help

Should it be illegal for Insurance companies to....?

Should home insurance companies be banned from offering flood insurance seperatly? Shouldn't the insurance company pay for any natural disaster no matter what? How can these crooks get away with not paying for a house being destroyed in flood if the house is not in a flood plain. People were left with nothing in the floods that hit Nashville last May, because the insurance companies wouldn't pay. Obviously those houses WERE in flood plains.""

""I hit my friends car, they dont have insurance?""

I accidentally hit my friends car with my truck and it's pretty damaged. I apologized and said id call the insurance company. They said no because 1. The car.is up for repossession and 2. Because they don't have car.insurance! They supposedly went and got a quote to fix it and it's $1,200. They want me to GIVE them $1,200! I refuse because this is why I have insurance. What do I do?""

Newbern Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24126

Newbern Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24126

Why company cars needs insurance?

Why do business cars needs insurance?

What kind of insurance would I need for this?

There is a private residence that I would like rent out for my daughter's wedding. I am going pay him a certain amount for use of the house but then I'd like to take our a short term insurance policy in case the house is damaged or someone is injured.

A good place 2 get cheap car insurance?

A good place 2 get cheap car insurance?

Health Insurance: How Much Will COBRA cost me?

I'm not one who likes working for others, and I'm getting enrolled in my company's health insurance. It's only for me, and they'll wind up deducting like $160 per month from my paycheck. I'm looking to leave as soon as I can, but if I choose to maintain the insurance through COBRA, will it be close to around the $160 or is it likely to be much higher, like $300 or more? Is there any way I can find out at this time?""

How much does it cost to cancel motorbike insurance in the UK?

If you've been with them say 2-4 months. Also does it make a difference if its Third Party, Third Party Fire and Theft or Fully Comp? Its on a 125cc and the insurance is going to cost approx 300. Thanks""

Is comprehensive car insurance cheaper if you own the car?

is it cheaper than if you had a loan out on it? why is this? thanks

Cheapest car insurance companies for boston area?

i am looking for a cheap insurance company my husband is buying a plymoth grand voyager tomorrow, a family pleasure driving only vehicle. what comapnies in the boston,cambridge chelsea, area is the best and cheapest?""

How much will this car insurance be?

im 18 just about to get my liscense , im looking to get and audi a3 worth 7.999 used . how much approx woukd insurance be?""

Car insurance not at fault?

I recieved a letter from my auto insurance who finished their investigation regarding my claim (minor accident @parking lot of a store with another vehicle) and according to them I am 0% at fault. The other party's auto insurance is still conducting their investigation. If the other party finds me at fault then what happens next? The reason why I ask is I got laid off my job in February & I do not have the funds to pay and it's been hard to find a job that pays a decent rate to help me live here in northern California. Your assistance greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Do I need to have insurance on my leased car even though im not going to use it?

I'm leaving the country and will leave my car in my garage. I will be returning the plates as well. I dont want to pay insurance on a car im not using.

How much is ur car insurence a month?

im 16 and im not getting my car till 17 or 18 and i need to know how much money insurance is a month. i just need an estimate. Thanks

Insurance quotes.... are they correct?

Hi, I have used a couple of insurance websites such as compare the market and confused for a cars insurance. I do not understand why but when i select full comprehensive the insurance is less than third party. Why is this? I thought comp was better than 3rd party.... is this not true? Why is full comp less than 3rd party? Thanks""

Will my auto insurance increase once I am off my parents policy?

I am currently driving a 2013 Chevy Cruze I just bought. I am a college student so for right now I am under my parents insurance policy and paying around 135 a month for the Cruze. The Cruze is titled under my name and I am the the primary driver. When I am out of school will my rate per month go up a lot when I get my own policy?

Named driver had crash. Should I tell my car insurance?

Last year my girlfriend has a car crash, she was not at fault. So she didn't tell her insurance company and claimed of the other party. So she is assuming her car insurance does not know. Now I am looking to get insured on my first car. If I add her to my insurance as a named driver the premium is about 200 less. The problem is she doesn't want me to tell the insurance company that she crashed, as they asked has the named driver crash. I am now worried I were to crash, they would see she had crashed and void the insurance. I am tempted just to get my insurance in my name and pay the extra 200 for peace of mind. She will not under any circumstance tell her insurer she crashed as she thinks her premiums will rise. But I have found out that the insurance companies have a database of all claims, so they can easily find out that she has crashed. She refused to allow me to put on my application for insurance that she has crashed. What to do?""

How to stop the direct debit car insurance and switch to another?

I want to stop my current policy with RAC.. and switch to another car insurance which is cheaper. How do I go about doing this? I pay monthy.

Whats the best car i can get for around 3000 to 3500? london?

im 18 so one cheap on insurance. I want a fast, reliable car.""

""My truck got totaled, now the insurance wants to give me crap for payout. Can I negotiate?""

I had a 2000 Sierra that was probably the nicest truck in town. I have pictures of how it looked, videos of how it ran, and plenty of people to testify it was a nice ride. The insurance wants to give us crap for payout saying that the truck was average to poor condition. Even after stripping off most of my aftermarket stuff, I still have a few thousand $$ still on the truck. I know they don't cover aftermarket stuff, but if I can't take it off, I should be compensated for it. Can I negotiate with them or do I have to take what they offer me? I've already told them that I don't like what they offered me since my truck wasn't the junk car they are paying me for. Can they turn around and just tell me they won't pay anything since I didn't take the first offer?""

Cheapest insurance companies in the UK for new/young drivers?

I have recently bought a car, I am 18 years old and my driving test is on the 18th of December. Obviously I need to insure the car for when I pass but I was looking for a relatively cheap insurance company because obviously they're rediculously expensive. any advice? Thanks.""

How much per month would insurance be at 18y.o.?

I'll be in the military soon, so I'll need a car and transportation (in the instance that I'm not shipped to the sandbox). I've tried looking up quotes on progessive and a few other instant quote people online. But the confusing part is they all seem incredibly high. I put in the car as a 2010 mazda 3(which I hope to have), and age at 18, and all the other info. It had me at 800/mo with no collateral or collision coverage. What the f? I tried all different car combinations but they all were high or in the general extreme area. Can someone let me know what I'm doing wrong?""

Are custom orthotics covered by health insurance?

I heard getting a pair is expensive but i need them for running uninjured

Where can we find cheap life insurance?

Where can we find cheap life insurance?

Insurance costs?

How much do you pay for your medical/life insurance each month? Mine is about RM200.

Car insurance for 17 year old?

im 17 and have looked nearly all the comparison sites for car insurance and theyre all coming with prices like 3000-6000. and the car is just a fiat punto a 1242cc.i know it was going to be expensive but i have been reading that people have been getting insures for like 1200 who are 17 aswell. could it be the car make or should i look for a really small car like a vauxhall corsa.

Renting an Apartment: Is this cost per month affordable for my budget?

The apartment's rent is $750 a month...I'm living with 2 other roommates, so we are dividing that cost three ways. We'll each owe $250 a month...plus electric ($35 - $50 a month), plus cable t.v. ($30 - $40 a month), plus WiFi internet ($30 - $40 a month). So all together, each of us will owe around $275 a month, roughly. I make $32,000 a year before taxes and health insurance...I make a $250 car payment per month, and car insurance is $1000 (+ or -) for 6 months. This is my first time renting (I'm 20), so I want to be sure that I can afford this apartment.""

How much to insure for drivers insurance?

Im 16, so I know it will be expensive. I will be getting a 4 Cyl car, either a Honda Prelude, Civic, Accord, Nissan 240sx, something along those lines. I took a drug and alcohol class which takes off 15% and then I got a B average which takes off another 10% can someone please tell me how much it would be a month? Thank you""

Newbern Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24126

Newbern Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24126

Im looking for car insurance?

coverage for individuals who are less able to afford auto insurance

Auto insurance Price?

I have USAA for auto insurance and I have been paying about $1,000 every 6 months. I did a online quote with Geico and for the exact same coverage(supposedly) it will be $364 every 6 months. How are they THAT MUCH CHEAPER? Is there any reason why I should not leave USAA today and go to Geico?""

Cheap Insurance for 16 driver??

I am looking for the cheapest insurance company for a 16 year old driver that can't go on any other persons policy. Can only go on individual policy!!!! Thanks for any ideas or companies

Will my Geico go up after 6 months?

My Geico is only $62.84 monthly. I have the 6 month plan. I had Allstate before switching to Geico last month. I switched because every 6 months Allstate would go up by $25. I could NOT afford it! So I switched to Geico because it was $125 cheaper monthly. Everyone I've talked to said theres hasnt went up after 6 months. I have no criminal record, no tickets, no felonys no nothing, etc. So I was wondering for all you Geico customers, has Geico been good? Has it went up after 6 months? No arrogant answers, please!""

Is Foremost Auto Insurance good insurance?

I am looking at switching to Foremost for my auto insurance and was wondering if anyone had any comments or experiences about auto insurance through Foremost Insurance company.

What is a 1989-94 Nissan 240sx considered as?

Sports car, classic, what? I mean what would the car insurance consider it as? Serious question, mature answers please. Thanks!""

What company has the lowest auto insurance rates? I tried looking on wikipedia but I couldn't find it. I'm?

What company has the lowest auto insurance rates? I tried looking on wikipedia but I couldn't find it. I'm?

Which car would have the highest insurance rates out of these?

1. 2001 Audi TT Coupe 33,000 miles 2. 2007 Saturn Sky Convertible 8,603 miles 3. 2006 Volkswagen Jetta 31,000 miles 4. 2007 Scion tC 39,000 miles I am 16, and these are all stick shifts, and when i get one of these 4 in December, i think the one of the biggest factors for me at least comes down to insurance costs.""

Maternity related services considered inpatient for insurance?

Most individual plans (87%) do not offer maternity coverage. I was fortunate enough to still be covered under an old employer by paying COBRA, and a majority of my expenses were covered. I had twins and had to have a C-Section. So now that I know I'm most likely to have a C-Section again, and who knows, another set of twins! (complete surprise) and am still of child bearing age. I am now under an individual plan, that does not offer maternity coverage. I was reading under the 'Inpatient' services and it listed this: Unlimited coverage is provided for medically necessary physician and surgeon services, semi-private rooms, operating rooms and related facilities, intensive and coronary care units, laboratory, x-rays, radiology services and procedures, medications and biologicals, anesthesia, special duty nursing as prescribed, short-term rehabilitation services, nursing care, meals and special diets So anyone who has experience or knowledge, would something like a C-Section be covered under inpatient? What does maternity coverage only cover normally. That $60*** bill scares me! Also, I keep reading about a new health care bill effective 2014 where individual plans must include maternity as an essential benefit. Anyone have any more details about that? State specific etc?""

Are States legally allowed to require car insurance?

Can the State legally mandate that citizens buy insurance from consumer agencies that have little to no regulation of price and guaranteed service? Can we consider this question with ...show more

I got a ticket for jaywalking. Will it affect my insurance?

I live in California and was wondering if I should just pay it? I'm just wondering if it will affect my insurance but it wasn't a traffic ticket and I'm confused.

How Much Of Your Income Can You Use On A Car?

How much of your income is it appropriate to use on a car? I am not talking about insurance or gas, just the retail price of the car. Would you say as low as 1%, 5%, 10%, 15%, or what? Thanks.""

I'm 17 years old how can i get my insurance premium cheaper please? Any help is appreciated thanks?

Heya i was wondering how a 17 year old guy can get his insurance premium down please thanks

Subaru wrx insurance !!?

first of all I'm 20 about to turn 21 in december and I'm currently looking at purchasing a 2009 or 2010 subaru wrx i called to get a quote and they told me id be paying 460 a month! with no accidents no tickets and i got my license at age 18. so i got another quote under my dads information and it dropped significantly to 68 dollars. i was wondering if this would be okay to do because id buy the car and he would be insured as the primary driver of the vehicle and I'm not sure the legality of this oh I'm in sunny san diego california btw!! so basically can i buy the car and have my dad under the insurance I'm on his plan but for another car not my future wrx thanks for your help!!!

""I crashed my car and wrote it off, is it worth claiming on my car insurance?""

I was driving down the road and the rear tyre blew out which sent me accross the road into a tree then catapulted me into another tree into a ditch. The car is a write off! luckily i only have very bad whip lash and bruises. The car is only worth book price of 500 max, i have 4 years no claims. Is it worth claiming on the insurance or not I do have Fully comprehensive. Can i get anything for personal injury as i am unable to work at the moment. Not to mention i need to purchase a new car. Any help much appreciated.""

Would I be eligible for EI if I get fired for not being able to pay car insurance?

I work on call and recently I have barely been getting any hours so now I can still afford next months rent but not car insurance. And this job cannot be done without a car. So if I am not able to afford the car insurance because my boss doesn't give me enough hours, and if he fires me because I am not able to do work because I can't afford car insurance, would I be eligible for EI?""

Car insurance on rentals?

do i have to do the insurance myself or do the rental company do this for me?

Cheapest & Best Auto/Motorcycle Insurance?

Can people please share what they think is the cheapest & best insurance? We currently have state farm & feel we're getting ripped off. We have 2 vehicles 93' Ford F150 (owned, no payments) 00' Chevy Cavalier (owned, no payments) 83' Honda Sabre(Motorcycle, owned, no payments) THANK YOU! Also, why do they ask for a SS# when you apply?Are there any companies who dont? I hope theyre not checking my credit score =( I'm trying to raise it!""

What is the basic kind of insurance required by California Law?

What kind of insurance covers something like another driver hitting your car door, and then driving off before you could get their license plate # what is comprehensive , and what is collision, ?""

How much does car insurance in u.s.a. cost I need to know or i'm sincerely screwed so please help I loove you?

Hello I'm about to go the u.s. to work in production. anyway what I'd like to know is what's the cost of car insurance. I'm a male whose been aged 21 years old since august 2010; and if i get a car over there it will probably be me fist. just want to know can you give me an average price - is it expensive or would it be under $5,000. for example i know you'll say it depends but please just give me a rough guestimate or average THANK YOU P.S. I LOVE AMERICA.""

Car insurance for another person?

Hey guys, so I'm gonna get a car soon. I turned 18 back in January. My mom is going to buy me a car soon, but only if the insurance isn't that high. So, seeing as I really want the car I have in mind, I need to know some things about car insurance. My mom has gotten into an accident before also, plus the car in mind is a sports car. A Nissan 350z to be exact. So my question is, can I get insurance for that car even though it's under her name? I've never gotten into an accident before, and plan to get my license soon. Thanks!""

What is the cheapest car insurance?

in Richardson, Texas.""

Should I cancel my life insurance?

I am late 30s, single, no children,not going to have children. I have home equity to cover any outstanding bills. I got the policy as a life/retirement/disability policy combo. I became disabled. I am still paying $100/for the life insurance. Metlife guaranteed cash value $2100 reduced paid up insurance $12500 if I cancel now do I get the cash value? what is reduced paid up insurance mean? i want an opinion from someone other than metlife before I contact them. the life insurance value is 110k if i keep the insurance it looks like I get back my investment plus $5000 when I am 65 if I live to 98, i get the full life insurance amount. The disability policy is only 5 years. I am currently 10,000 in debt as a result of months without income until I got SSDI and metlife disability..and having to pay a lot of credit card interest--just to stay in my 3 room run down apartment... I can put that $2100 toward the debt and pay less interest....and also stop paying the $100/month premium and put that toward the debt too...that's another $1200/year.. is this how it works...if i cancel do I get the $2100 now... or is it better to stick with the insurance....""

Will my insurance go up?

will my insurance go up if i got a speeding ticket. i just got a speeding ticket almost doing 20 miles over the speed limit so i am worrying if it will effect my insurance or not and i have two accidents on it too. should i do the class or pay the ticket off?

""Car Insurance, ammended details of profession lead to increased premium?""

My car insurance company rang me two weeks ago asking to update my details. I was previously registered as a student and unemployed but changed this to working part time as an admin assistant. A week ago I received my new certificate of insurance but today they rang me to say that my premium had increased by 150! I find this difficult to understand how changing my profession from student to admin could whack up my premium by this much. At the same time they offered me a new deal from another insurer , which they claimed would be cheaper, but I refused over the telephone as I felt too confused at the time. Now they told me that they will be sending me the bill to pay off the new increased premium. Can anyone help me confirm whether insurance companies can do this? I am not driving my car any more than I previously had and I cannot see as how my new job increases the risk of me having an accident!! Thanks""

Newbern Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24126

Newbern Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 24126

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