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ellana-ravenwood · 4 years

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“My fake boyfriend is a billionaire ?!” - Bruce Wayne x Fem!Reader

Synopsis : After a few shitty weeks of everything going wrong, you somehow find yourself faking a relationship with the one and only Bruce Wayne.

That’s it. I did it. After 3 years posting stories on this platform, I finally succumb to one of the biggest fanfiction cliché of all time haha. The infamous fake boyfriend trope. And I really hope you will like it :

My masterlist : @ella-ravenwood-archives

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The Gap Year of Disaster

Today, you were an utter mess, and you couldn’t care less.

You know, this kind of days where you wish you would just have stayed in bed ?

Where everything goes wrong and you just want to hide under your blanket and pretend you don't have any responsibilities ?

Well today…Today was most definitely this kind of day.

It was suppose to be your first day at an exciting new job and you were so psyched about it, that you hadn’t been able to sleep all night.

You finally fell into a deep slumber during the very early hours of the day, and…

Of course you woke up late ! You didn't have time to take a shower, or to do your make-up nicely or even to brush your hair. But worst of all you didn't have time to get coffee !

When you got out with your bike….it was pouring outside. Ah but of course, because when one thing goes wrong everything has to follow. Everything WILL go wrong. Murphy's law or some stupid things like that !

It's in those moments you wish you had a car ! Because when it rained in Gotham…It felt like Noah was ordered to built another ark !

So, sleep deprived, soaked, in a bad mood and looking like a mess, you managed, by some miracle, to arrive at your job on time.

Only to discover that this wasn’t at all what you were expecting. It was NOT what was promised to you, which was experience in an exciting workplace and a way to make the most of it.

Instead, it was a desk job where you ran errand for everyone. Amazing.

This was supposed to be your first try at “real life”, this was why you took that gap year from college.

“I want to find myself, find who I really am !” You told everyone around you, ignoring those who were negative and telling you you should finish your study first.

Now, as you were stuck in a tiny cubicle with an endless list of coffee orders you had to get for everyone else, you felt like maybe they were right, and that this wasn’t quite the way you were going to “find yourself”.

Then again, wasn’t it through hardship that this sort of things unlocked ? Wasn’t it with great determination and knowing how it was to struggle, that you were going to thrive ? That’s what they said in TED talks dedicated to “success”...

So far in your life, things had been rather normal. Not particularly easy, but not hard either. You grew up in a small town in New Jersey, no troubles on the horizon. You then moved to Gotham for college as you had a scholarship for Gotham’s University, and as you were about to start your third year you sort of questioned wether or not this was your path...

One of your favorite professor told you to maybe take a gap year. A few semesters off, to think things through. Taking advantage of it to do some soul searching and try to know what you really wanted and...It sounded wonderful !

That’s when you started to have job interviews in many different fields, and it took you three months to finally find something. Three very stressful months of wondering how long you could live off of your measly savings, and wether or not you’d have to move back in with your parents (anything but that !)...Not a very good start to that gap year for sure.

And when you landed what you thought was going to be a great job, things definitely were looking up ! Ah, but the fact that you were chosen while you had NO experience and such, should’ve been your first warning that this was too good to be true.

You were trying to stay positive though. Maybe it was only for the first day ? Maybe their coffee person was sick or something ? It’d get more interesting later ? Yes. Yes let’s keep a positive outlook on everything.

Except right now, as your entire morning was made of you walking up and down the building (the elevator was not working, but of course), to the coffee shop at the corner of the street, and bringing back orders for people, you didn’t feel in the mood to try and stay cheery.

And the worst in all that ? You didn't even get ONE cup for yourself…This “real life” thing was not starting very well.

And so here you were, during your lunch break, looking like a mess, bag under your eyes and still wet from the rain (your trips up and down the street for coffee runs not helping drying yourself off), your morale at its lowest..And…

"That'll be 3 dollars and 50 cents for the large latte with triple espresso shot, m'am."

Catastrophe.

Proof that things could ALWAYS get worst.

As you were looking through your bag, you couldn't find your wallet !

Did you leave it at home ?! Maybe.

People at your work gave you the money to buy them coffee (and not a single tips, bunch of cheapskates). And you didn’t notice you were missing that oh so essential part of your daily life...Your credit card. Or any type of money.

Damn it !

“Um, excuse me miss, that’s 3,50 please ?”

“Oh yes yes, um, you know what I just-”

“Here, miss, you dropped this.”

As you were about to explain that in fact, you didn’t need coffee (even if when you asked for it you might’ve mentioned it being a question of “life or death”), too embarrass to admit you didn’t have the money to buy it, a...very handsome man handed you a twenty dollars bill.

You were a hundred percent sure this wasn’t yours. You never carry lose cash like this. A quick look to his kind deep blue eyes, and soft smile, and you realize...

Oh. Great. A total (very handsome) stranger took pity of you.

You probably looked even worst than you felt. You were about to say this was a mistake, but before you could, he gave the bill to the barista, and left with a last smile to you, taking his own cup of coffee away with him.

Damn. You didn’t have time to say “thank you”. He vanished as fast as he appeared, disappearing in the crowd of the busy coffee shop.

“Here’s your change, m’am.”

“Ah you know what ? Keep it buddy. Thanks for the coffee.”

“Wow, thanks !”

You were pretty sure that barista never had such a big tip, and it oddly made you feel better, to make someone else’s day like that. Your grandma did always say that you found true joy from helping others...

Oh, yeah, ok, you just helped someone out, why was the universe so angry at you ?!

As you turned around and started to leave, almost at the exist of the shop, mood a little better after this nice encounter with a (again, handsome) stranger, and the barista, you see him.

Him. One of the reason you sort of decided to take a gap year.

Him.

Your ex-boyfriend, Eric, who cheated on you with your friend Monica. Needless to say, it wasn’t a good memory. And you hadn’t seen neither him nor her since you left college, especially not since you heard they actually got together.

Your FRIEND. With your BOYFRIEND. And it went on for a while, before you finally discovered it (that day was as shitty as today...).

Oh. And of course Eric wasn’t alone. She, was there too. The one you thought was your friend, and who stabbed you in the back like that. Both of them discarding you like a dirty old sock.

Great. Really. Awesome. This day was going from “bad” to “please kill me.”

“(Y/N) !”

He looks surprised to see you, although also a little pleased. And it makes you want to punch him in the face. You don’t care if it’s because he wished things ended another way, they both betrayed your truth and then never even tried to talk to you again afterward.

You’re not sure you would’ve forgave them, but at least, it would’ve shown they still cared about you in a way. Nobody chooses who they’re going to fall in love with (that, you’d soon discover for yourself). But she was your best friend. And he was with you for over a year.

She’s a little more awkward than him, and smiles, clearly embarrassed. You always knew she was a bit of a coward, if she wasn’t, she would’ve face you, right ?

And that’s when it happened. The decision that would forever change your life.

In this great moment filled with despair and awkwardness.

From the corner of your eyes, you saw that nice stranger who paid for your coffee. The handsome one. He didn’t leave the shop, but instead went to seat at a table that was a little further away than the rest of them.

His eyes were glued to his phone, and you thought : “Well, fuck it, all this can’t get any worst right ?”

You were sort of hoping that, since he had been nice with you once and offered you those twenty dollars without knowing you (although you were very aware it was probably just pity), maybe he could help again ?

Maybe it was the fatigue, the fact you were getting sadder and sadder, that you had a terrible day, and that you just saw two people you loved and who threw you away like you meant nothing (oh but not before being super fake to you, pretending they WEREN’T cheating behind your back)...maybe it was a combination of all of that, that made you act crazy.

But here you found yourself, sitting at that stranger’s table, and saying, as he looked up from his phone clearly surprised :

“How are you guys ? As you can see, I’m great.”

You don’t dare to look at the handsome stranger, and hope he’ll be too stunned to say anything, and you can make your ex-friend and ex-boyfriend feel embarrass enough they’ll leave quickly. But then Monica says something that makes your heart skip multiple beats :

“You...You know Bruce Wayne ?!”

You turn to the man who gracefully paid for your coffee, and your eyes go wide. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. How did you NOT recognize him ?! Of course. Chiseled face, beautiful blue eyes, a suit that was definitely worth your entire year’s salary, a very charming aura...

Your hazy mind full of “fuck this day” didn’t register that THE Bruce Wayne, was the one who helped you out. How did you miss that ? His face had been plastered everywhere in Gotham for the past year, since he came back to the city, in fact.

You hear yourself wish with all your might to be struck by lightning this instant, as the two assholes who hurt you so much are looking at you expectantly and are not about to live (of course, they just met celebrity BRUCE WAYNE !! Could someone be as unlucky as you were today ?!)

And that’s when you hear a chuckle, a beautiful deep chuckle, and finally turn to look at Bruce. He smiles at you, and takes your hand, saying :

“Honey, who are your friends ?”

Your brain go full “ERROR 404″, not quite able to grasp the fact that THE Bruce Wayne just ran with what you were trying to do. How ? How was this possible ? You initially went to sit with him in the hope that Eric and Monica would see you were totally ok and with a hot date, not quite sure still yet how you ever thought this was a good idea and...

It was turning out alright ?!

HOW ?!

“Oh um, I’m..Eric. And this is my gir...This is Monica.”

What a piece of shit. Not even brave enough to call her his “girlfriend” when he cheated on you with her for months and months. You glare at him, unable to stop this gut reaction.

And that’s something Bruce caught.

In fact, as soon as you sat down, avoiding looking at him and nervously looking at those two people, Bruce sort of knew you were in an uncomfortable situation. One that made you take an irrational decision.

And oh, he didn’t like the look Eric and Monica gave you. Like they felt superior as they caught you in a bad moment. Bruce hated, people who thought they were superior to others...

And you clearly seemed in distress and in need of help so...He ran with it.

Bruce had to pretend to be someone he wasn’t enough that it felt natural, to run along with what your hazy mind thought was a good idea.

“Nice to meet you, are you friends with-”

Damn it. He realized he didn’t know your name. Quick thinking saved him, and he managed to keep his tone even, as to hide his hesitation :

“My love ?”

His hand around yours felt warm and reassuring, and you still couldn’t believe that, not only a total stranger, but THE Bruce Wayne was helping you out like that. Especially after you had such a bad day.

Him calling you his “love” made your exes feel very awkward, and they shake their head “no”, suddenly pretending they’re very busy and have to meet up with someone. They leave the coffee shop, clearly stunned, whispering things to each others that you knew were probably : “how did she get a guy like him ?!”

You can’t help but glare at them some more...But then your hand feels cold again, and you realize Bruce let go off it. Well. Duh. Of course he would.

You turn to him, your feature softening, and say :

“Are you an angel ?”

Ah yes. Your defense mechanism. “Humor”.

He chuckles, and says :

“Well, I’m afraid not. My butler would think this is very funny. But thank you.”

Awkwardly, you rub your neck, your free hand nervously turning your cup of coffee clockwise in your palm. You don’t really know how to end this, what : “thanks for that” and leave ?

“Thanks for the coffee. And for um...Saving my ass, just there.”

He smiles, and wow hello white teeth and charming dimples ?!

“You’re very welcome. They looked like they were jerks.”

“Haha oh you have no idea.”

“Glad I could help.”

“Thanks again. Really. This means a lot, especially since we don’t know each others. Well, I know you. Everyone in Gotham does haha. And ok I’m going to leave now, my lunch break is almost over and I don’t want to make this even more awkward.”

You start to rise up, but he holds you back by catching your sleeve, and says :

“Actually miss…?”

“(Y/L/N). (Y/N) (Y/L/N).”

“Miss (Y/L/N), you are kind of saving my life right now.”

“…I am ?”

A flash blinds you. Not a lightning, a camera flash. You turn, just in time to see a guy hastily hiding a camera and running away.

“What the...”

“A paparazzi. Good timing, for once.”

“Huh ?”

You wish you had some witty come back, or would just know what to say. But you’re confused. And this has been a really weird day.

“I am sorry if this will seem forward, or like I helped you wanting something in exchange. But I promise I will make it worth your while if you just sit back down and listen to me for a few minutes.”

You sit back down. More because you’re unsure your leg can still support you in this moment, than because he asked you to. With a smile he continues :

“Thank you. So. Let me explain a little, and again, sorry if this is too forward. If you don’t want to help of course, I would understand. I’m about to ask you something rather odd, I guess. And I’ll clear things up with paparazzis. I also promise I did not help you with your “friends”-”

“They’re not my friends.”

“I figured that much. And I promise I didn’t help you with them and ran with whatever you were trying, just so I could ask you this.”

“Ask me what ?”

“Well, you see…it’s arranged marriage season.”

“What ?”

“Every year, every single rich family try to make me marry their single daughters. It’s a very tiring season, but I’ve never been able to avoid it…I thought about having a fake fiancee before but could never find the right person.”

What he says does not register with you. His clear proposal doesn’t hit your brain. And you just stare at him, waiting for him to keep going. But he doesn’t, and by the way he looks at you, you slowly starts to understand where he’s getting at.

You gasp, now pretty sure this is all a dream (or a nightmare) and say :

“And I’m the right person ?”

“Well, yes. You seem to be a...“normal” person.”

“…Thanks.”

“In that case it’s good. It’s very good. It means that if I’m dating you, a woman that has nothing to bring me, then it must be true love.”

“Wow, stop with the flatteries already mister Wayne, I can’t handle it…”

Ah, your slight wits are back. Good sign that you’re regaining your senses. Everything that happened in the last ten minutes still feel like a bad dream, but you’re back in reality now.

“No no no, I didn’t mean it in a demeaning way ! But it’s just, you’re not rich, and you’re not famous or have political ties. You’re just a regular person. So they won’t think I’m trying to trick them, even if I am, do you know what I mean ?”

“Gotcha. My broke ass person cannot bring you any value, so it must be love and not just an arranged thing they can break. Cool.”

There’s a slight silence. And you find it a little fun, to play a little bit with the famous Bruce Wayne. He seemed so confident and cocky on TV, you never thought you’d be able to make him look so guilty.

“I’m sorry if I offended you.”

He says, clearly meaning it. But you shake your head and smile at him (and oh why does he feel his heart tightening slightly at your smile ?), and reassure him instantly (you feel a little bad, actually, to mess with him while he did just really do a huge favor to you while he had no obligations to) :

“Haha, just messin’ around with ya Mster Wayne. I’m not bothered by it, it’s the truth. I’m really broke, and I don’t think you could find more “regular” than me right now. So, and because you really did save my ass from an extremely displeasing experience back there. And also because you allowed me to see those assholes’ face of surprise and “how did she manage that ?!”, tell me more about your plan, and let’s see if I can help you back.”

And so Bruce starts to explain to you how, every year, this beginning of Fall is the worst time ever, as it’s a moment where everyone seems to want to marry off their daughter. And of course, Bruce Wayne is a good “party”.

The plan was fairly simple. You’d fake a relationship with him, so he could avoid all of this, and in exchange...Well. You’d gain a lot in exchange.

This is how you started to really feel like you had fallen into a “romcom” by accident...You and Bruce, became an actual living trope.

************

“And then when the “marrying season” is done, you can break it off.”

“I ?”

“Well yes, I can assure you you’ll gain quite a rep if you break up with me haha.”

You raise an eyebrow, unsure you like that sort-of overly confident side of him. But you can see something behind his eyes, like a slight unsureness as he looks back at you, trying to see if you’ll agree or not.

“I don’t really need a “reputation”.”

Breaking up with THE Bruce Wayne himself. For sure people would talk about it a lot, and maybe it would help open some doors for you ? But you felt a little odd taking advantage of this like that.

Seeing that he hadn’t convinced you quite yet, he adds :

“Of course, I will pay you.”

What kind of Pretty Woman sort of nonsense was this ?! You were about to protest when he added, realizing how he sounded :

“I mean, you ARE doing me a great service. You ARE going to have to act, you know ? An...actual job ? And I will be honest with you, it won’t be easy, to find yourself in the public eye. I think it definitely justify a salary.”

Put that way, you had to admit that, well, yeah it sort of did. Especially since you knew how crazy tabloids were about Bruce Wayne. Becoming his “girlfriend” would definitely put you on the front lines.

“And it would truly help me tremendously.”

Your grandma always said it : “True joy comes out from helping others !” So. What if you benefit from it a little ? If it helps you financially, and you can get a little network out of it ? First rule of Alchemy (what a weeb) : “equivalent exchange” ! Plus, he did really help you with your coffee, but also with Eric and Monica so...

And hey, this gap year was meant to help you find what and who you wanted to be. Help you go through this little twenty-something crisis. And this ? Living a literal romantic comedy cliche by faking being someone’s girlfriend ? Well, it definitely felt like the kind of adventure that could help you figure things out.

With a smile, you finally nod and shake his hand, not knowing quite yet in which mess you actually put yourself into...

Briefing.

Like every “secret mission”, this one too needed a “briefing”.

A little meeting to put all the rules down, and the goals too.

And here you were, feeling very out of place in a huge conference room in the biggest and tallest building in Gotham : “Wayne Tower”.

The concierge stared at you for a very long time, when you said you were there to see Mister Wayne. No “nobody” like you ever called for his boss.

Suspicious, as it was his job, he called security on you...Until it was finally cleared up that you DID have a meeting with Bruce Wayne !

Both the concierge, and the security guys, stared at you as you left to take the elevators they indicated to you, wondering who the hell had the kind of credentials to go all the way up there to see their boss ?! They didn’t recognize you from anywhere, not a model, not a famous politician or CEO, just...A regular person ?

That was odd. And they noticed, it was odd. Which you assumed was what Bruce was aiming for, but it felt so awkward, to walk through this huge hall under their scrutiny.

You finally arrived on the right floor, and oh look, some more staring.

From his secretary, this time. She was used to see women coming to see her boss. But they’d usually wear Prada, and have plunging necklines full of pearls and fanciness. They weren’t...like you.

You felt like it was easy, to know that you were just a “normal” person. You were definitely not wearing any designer clothes, and you were pretty sure the way you carried yourself made you super obvious.

Hence all the staring. You could clearly see in her eyes, that she was wondering who the hell you were...

She had her answer when Bruce came out of his office, and made a gesture as if he was going to throw his arm around your waist, and kiss you (which made you downright panic). But then, he looked awkwardly at his secretary, and instead just shook your hand.

Something that DID NOT go unnoticed by his secretary.

You saw how her eyes widen, and how she clearly hitched to take her phone out and call everyone...and you realized Bruce did this awkward thing because he knew his secretary, and her tendency to be a little gossipy.

You’d discover later, in fact, that he hired her entirely because he knew if he said something, she would pick up on it and it would help him control rumors and such. Clever.

For the moment though, he took you to a large conference room with huge windows.

“I’m sorry for the weird “hello” back there, I wanted Shirley to think I was embarrassed to display affection to you in front of her. Usually, I do not mind at all. So doing it would make her think that-”

“I’m someone special to you.”

“Exactly !”

He smiles widely as you understood his plan (not sure how you felt about it, then again, that’s why you were here for, making sure you knew where both of you stood in all this), and then tells you he’ll be back in a few minutes.

You have time to feel anxious and stressed before he finally comes back.

“Sorry for the wait.”

“Oh no, I bet you’re a busy man.”

“Yes well. Anyway. Let’s get to it shall we ?”

“Yes.”

“Ok. So. I thought we’d settle sort of a little contract, so neither of us ever feel uncomfortable ?”

“Sounds good, mister Wayne.”

“Yes well first, please call me Bruce.”

“Only if you call me (Y/N).”

Oh and you two were still on the path of “romcom cliches”, with this conversation. He smiles, nods, and continues :

“Ok, then I thought we could-”

And so your fake relationship started, with some little ground rules. Like he could only kiss you after you gave him permission, if you ever felt overwhelmed everything would be called off, etc etc.

Most rules were in your favor, to be honest. And WOW the paycheck he was going to give you for this little farce...Hey, maybe this gap year was finally gonna get interesting ?

Meeting the Little Buddy.

It was sort of necessary. By then, Dick had been his son, officially, for a few months. He wasn’t calling him “dad” yet (and Bruce didn’t particularly want him to, at the time...ah but everything change one day, right ?), but they were already family.

And it was a needed step.

It wasn’t in the little “contract” you made, and honestly you could’ve refused to meet him but...Well, you liked kids. In another life, it felt like you could’ve been a teacher (A/N : AH, like in this story ;) : “Can you be my dad’s girlfriend, please ?” ).

And you’d feel awkward, to fake a relationship and not ever meet his boy.

The first time he saw you, it was at the Wayne Tower, and his eyes widened as he exclaimed :

“Wow you’re so pretty ! Are you Bruce’s girlfriend ? You’re too good for him, you know.”

You could feel your heart melt, how adorable this little guy was, right ? You chuckled, and almost full on laughed as you saw how vexed Bruce was by the comment.

Not that he thought he was too good for you, no, he was just a little unhappy his son was stealing the show, and thought he couldn’t land someone like you...Oh but that, you couldn’t guess at the time, of course.

“Nice to meet you, Dick. I’m (Y/N). And...I’m not really his girlfriend.”

“Can you be mine then ?”

You laugh again. You and Bruce had decided to tell him the truth, Bruce assuring you that kid was good at pretending too. You answer :

“No, I’m saving him from marriage proposal.”

“Oooooh !”

Good at pretending. Dick had no idea what you were on about, but he was very good at acting as if he knew.

It’s only way later, that he finally got it. By then, he already accepted you as : “his dad’s girlfriend”, and even knowing the truth, there was no way to change his mind. And to be honest, out of everyone, little Dick Grayson was probably the most aware of what the situation truly was.

He had a knack, to notice how people felt.

A “family” outing.

Two months in, and it was going GREAT. Faking a relationship was actually pretty easy. All you had to do was hanging out with him (and he was very nice to hang out with), and when a paparazzi was around, quickly kiss his cheek, or hold his hand, or let him put his hand in your hair...All those cute things new couples do.

Today was one such small date.

You could see Bruce was nervous, though.

After hanging around with him that many times, you started to know him a little better. Started to know he wasn’t really that persona he portrayed publicly.

He was actually quite a dork. What a pity, nobody else would ever know his real self...Yet, it made you happy you were one of the few in on the secret.

“Ok, out with it mister, what’s up ?”

He looks at you with such surprise in his eyes, as if it was the first time someone guessed what he was feeling...and, well, yes. It was. It was the first time someone who wasn’t Alfred got it. Someone realized something was on his mind. And asked him about it, didn't just ignore and move on. Actually cared to know.

“I-Um...”

“Well ? Come on, I think literally nothing can surprise me by now, given you know, I’m faking a relationship with a billionaire, and it’s like, my job now.”

He smiles, and he couldn't possibly know how soft his look was, as he gazed at you.

“I...well, people don’t quite believe in us because-”

“WHAT ?! With all the “dates” and kisses and lovey dovey shit we did ?!”

He chuckles at your reaction, loving how honest you always were, and adds :

“The problem apparently is that you weren’t seen with my son yet, so many don’t believe we’re serious.”

“Oh...”

You met Dick. Because it felt like a necessary step to yours and Bruce’s scheme. And you knew he knew this was all fake...But neither of you wanted to confuse the boy in any way so he was kept mostly out of the plan.

“I talked to him, and it’s actually really up to wether you’re comfortable with it or not. I know he wasn’t part of our contract, and I should’ve probably thought about it, I’m sorry. But um...If you’re ok with it, we could..Do things with him, too ?”

Bruce is really nervous; And you’re pretty sure no one but you (and maybe Alfred) ever saw him like that. It’s kind of...sweet. But you let the silence linger for too long and he hurries to say :

“You really don’t have to ! It’s ok if they don’t think we’re that serious and I get some proposals. I can manage ! You’re still a great help right now. It was just an idea. Dick is a very social kid, he would go along with anything and loves to do activities outside. He would be fine. But if you’re not then we can-”

“No. No no it’s...It’s ok Bruce. The few time I saw him, Dick did seem absolutely a peach to be around. And I always have fun with you, so sure, let’s organize a little something and show those bastards we’re totally real.”

You chuckle a little, your smile and carefree face making his heart skip a beat, for some reasons...Bruce also decided to ignore how happy it made him, to know you were always glad to be with him, and instead, he smiled and settled a date.

************

And here you were. In one of Gotham’s biggest park, opening a basket full of delicious sandwiches made by the one and only Alfred. Pretending to have a great family outing.

“Hey, hey look !”

Dick was absolutely amazing, at acting as if you were really a thing. As if you were really a “family”. Right now, he was doing flips and cartwheels, demanding your attention with avidity.

Bruce made sure to always hide his face from pictures (he was GREAT at noticing where paparazzis were hiding, a life of practice, you assumed), as he wanted to keep as much as he could his son’s privacy (especially after he made all the headlines when he lost his parents).

It was quite adorable. And...You were really having fun.

Dick was such a lively kid, and he was full of talents. The food was good, and it was so comfortable around Bruce. It felt so natural.

This wasn't all that bad. To fake being a family. A good use of your gap year, really.

You purposefully decided to ignore the glint in the boy’s eyes. The way you sort of suspected for him, this was getting real, and not only pretend.

You and Bruce purposefully ignored it, actually. And you both felt shitty for it. Because not only were you risking to break that little boy’s heart when it was all over but...It was too hard to accept that maybe, maybe he was right.

And that all of this ? Might’ve not been as fake as you’d love to repeat yourself.

First Official outing.

First gala. You were terrified. So far all you had to do was hang out with Bruce in the afternoon, there and there. It mainly consisted in him buying you coffee, and keeping the addiction to caffeine real, while talking about anything that would come to your mind. The conversations between you two was always fluid and pleasant.

Or you’d go out with him and Dick, to do some fun things like mini-golf or catching a movie. Nothing too big and scary. It was mainly just you guys, no one else.

It seemed like he knew where the paparazzis would be (most likely because he was “anonymously” tipping them off himself), and he’d take you on random short dates when he had time in between his work, slowly fueling the rumors Bruce was not a heart to steal anymore.

And that he was dating a “commoner” ! (He hated this name for you, while you really didn’t mind that much).

And this gala, was what made it completely official. Finally. It was your idea, to take things “slow”, and hang out with him and his son BEFORE hanging out in public areas like this.

It was clever, really. To make it seems like you were trying to “hide” your relationship by being low-key, to then finally announce everything in public like that, at such an event.

Bruce went to get a drink for the both of you, and you were looking around you, horrified at the mere idea that someone would come talk to you.

But for some reasons, nobody seemed to dare. Maybe Bruce made sure that people would leave you alone ? Even as if you were clearly the talk of the evening, all eyes on you, and not even trying to be subtle ?

You knew he did the same with little Dickie. That he made sure he was safe from the paparazzi and that no unsolicited journalist would come around him.

Thinking of it, where was the little one ? Usually, according to Bruce, whenever there was a gala he would spend his entire time near the food table, eating as much as he could, and he would come home feeling nauseous because of it...Haha sounded like Dick alright. That kid was so-

Oh oh.

Who was that sleazy looking gal talking to him ? He seemed so uncomfortable, yet too polite to brush her off...Oh no, she wasn’t one of them, was she ?

Without thinking twice about it, wether it was your place to do what you were about to do or not, you resolutely walked towards them.

“-Think it’s because he relates to you ? As both of you lost your parents in horrific situations, you know ?”

“I-I don’t know m’am.”

When you saw Dick’s distressed face, and his eyes slowly filling with tears, there was no doubt in your mind.

This woman was not supposed to be there, and was definitely not supposed to talk to that child...

This woman was a - shiver of disgust- tabloid journalist.

Your blood boiled as you saw her take a picture of the teary eyed Dickie, and you were standing protectively in front of him before you could even think about it. When you felt the boy clutch to your sleeve, hiding behind you and holding on for dear life, you knew you wouldn’t regret it.

“Can I ask you why you’re talking to that boy, please ?”

“What, it’s illegal to talk to fellow guests now ?”

“Lady, you’re well in your thirties. He’s eight. You have no right talking to him. Not only is it weird, but I know what you’re doing.”

“Oh, and pray tell, what am I doing, lovey ?”

“You’re trying to get a story out of him. And you should be ashamed of yourself. He’s eight ! And from what I heard, you were asking some very disgusting things back there !”

“I-”

“Shut up.”

Your words came out harsh and determined, and the woman was so shocked she stayed silent for a while. You crouch down to Dick’s level, and ask :

“Are you ok, my little buddy ?”

He nods weakly, and then burst into tears as he launches himself in your arms, clinging to you tightly. You turn your head towards the woman, glaring at her so fiercely she doesn’t dare to take a picture of the scene, even as she knows she could sell them for a golden price.

“You should be ashamed of yourself. He’s just a child !”

The woman was about to say something else, something you knew would fuel your anger further, when Bruce arrived, and it was clear from his face that he was not happy.

A quick look to you holding his crying son in your arms, and to the lady with the camera in her hands, and he understand what happened. With a cold voice you never heard him use before, he says :

“I suggest you leave the area now, before I force you to.”

There was something almost scary, in his demeanor. Almost like...No. Impossible. In any case, you didn’t worry about it much, drawing soothing circles with your hand on Dick’s back, trying to calm him.

People around quickly stopped staring as they met Bruce’s assassin glare. It was not secret, that he was very protective of his son. And of his new girlfriend, apparently.

You picked the little boy in your arms (Dick, at the time, was still so tiny), and Bruce comes closer, trying to soothe him too. And it really looked like all this was real...

Dick fell asleep in Bruce’s arms shortly after that, and was still there when it was time for the gala official pictures. Not wanting to wake him up, for once, Bruce allowed people to photograph the boy, as long as they did not frame his face.

He laid his free hand on the small of your back, and just like you got used to those past months, you pretend to be head over heels for him and have one of your own arm around his waist.

“Would you please allow me to kiss you on the cheek, for the cameras ?”

His question is so sweet, softly whispered in your ears. And you felt like a tease tonight, and maybe a little tipsy too. You tell him :

“On the cheek only ? Let’s give them a show no ? Let them forget about what happened with Dick.”

Of course, you’re only joking, but there’s a light in Bruce’s eyes you haven’t seen before and...It disappears quickly. He chuckles, of that low chuckles that would charm anyone in the world, and says :

“I don’t want to force you to do anything you wouldn’t want to. Actually kissing me, I realize, might be too much.”

You know he caught on your joke, but you can’t brush off that light in his eyes that ignited when you suggested to kiss him...You don’t know why, and it feels you’re not controlling your own words, as you hear yourself say :

“Oh because kissing you would be such a horrible thing wouldn’t it ? Oh my, you’re only one of the handsomest man in Gotham, a rather attractive fella, how could I handle kissing you ? So disgusting !”

Your tone is teasing, and a little bit challenging. He catches on that, too. He answers :

“But I am merely here to serve. I will do as you wish. You only have to say the words.”

His smile fills your vision. His face. And the way he softly holds your waist, even as his other arms is carrying his son (the man was BUILT). And you think...Well, fuck it ! It was time for the first (fake) kiss, right ?

Right here, in front of the cameras, where everyone was seeing you. Making it go full circle. Making it “official”.

“Kiss me then, if you dare.”

You simply say. Releasing a breath you were unaware you were keeping in. And he feels his heart squeeze, and as if he’s sweating a bit. When was the last time he was nervous about kissing a woman ?

He couldn’t remember.

And then he kisses you, the flashes of cameras slowly fading away as his lips melt onto yours.

Wow. What a perfect, and nice, first kiss.

As fake as it might be.

Your room.

Your room at Wayne Manor was bigger than your entire apartment.

You and Bruce decided that sometimes, so you wouldn’t raise any suspicion, you’d sleep at the Manor. Paparazzi were so on top of everything, it would seem weird if he was in a “committed relationship” and you never slept at his place.

So Alfred settled a room for you.

Oh. Alfred ! You met him not long ago, and he was the best !

It felt like he could magically guess what you wanted when you wanted it, and magically appeared with that warm cup of tea you craved, or that meal you’ve been thinking about all day.

But beyond that, he was genuinely nice and made sure to make you as comfortable as possible. He showed you around, and his conversation was so pleasant !

You could actually see a lot of Bruce in him. Or, rather, it was evident that Alfred had raised Bruce most of his life, because they had a lot of similar mannerism, and were both kind and caring (Ah, imagine if Superman knew what you thought of Bruce, how crazy it’d sound to him eh ? But of course, that you’d discover way WAY later).

You never went to explore much when it was time to go to bed, too afraid to get lost. This place was huge, and you never quite had a good sense of orientation.

One could only wonder, what would you have discovered if you ever dared to wake up during the night, and explore his home ?

Build a Bear.

Sometimes, Bruce really had to wrack his brain for original date ideas. Ever since he came back to Gotham, his dating days consist of pretending to sleep with every model in the World.

He’d take them to fashion shows, to galas, to charity events...All very public places, unsuitable for a “serious” relationship like he was hoping to make yours and his pass for.

Enter : Clever little Dickiebird, who always had an idea (and who might’ve been the best wingman someone like the Batman needed...that, of course, he’d discover it way, WAY later) :

“You can take her to a build a bear !”

“Build...a bear ?”

“Yeah, you know. You go and you make your own teddy bear !”

“I do know, I took you to get Chester - the name of Dick’s favorite plushie toy now, and maybe with which he slept-. But...For a date ?”

“What ? It’s cute and intimate !”

“Huh ?”

It has been a long time, since Alfred Pennyworth had to hold his laughter in that hard, and try to stay impeccably neutral. And there, faced with his master Bruce, who was known as the “ultimate womanizer”, the “perfect playboy��, and who was currently taking advice from his eight years old son...It was really hard to keep a straight face.

It was also incredibly adorable. Especially how Bruce seemed to genuinely listen to the little one, unaware that he seemed actually way too interested for things just to be for his “fake relationship” to be more convincing.

Not that Alfred was going to tell Bruce anything.

“Dick, you know (Y/N) isn’t really my girlfriend, right ?”

The way the boy talked about taking you to a date, felt to Bruce like he was forgetting this was all fake. And it was important to remind him.

But Dick had to invoke all the efforts in the world to not roll his eyes as to say : “sure she isn’t”, by now, it was oh so obvious to everyone but you and Bruce that there was a very real thing forming between you two.

Instead, he said :

“But you’re suppose to make the public really believe it right ? If you take her to build a bear, I can assure you they will think you guys are the real deal.”

Bruce pondered this for a little bit, and realized that his son was right. It did seem like a cute and intimate date to bring your girl to, even if she was your fake girl...

Ah. Bruce forgot his own words. “Dick is great at pretending.” He is. He really is. Just like right now, he was pretending his idea was completely innocent, while he knew it would bring you two ever so closer.

That whenever you’d see those bears you were going to build in your home, you’d think of one another. And remember fondly of the memory.

And oh. Oh that boy was right.

Your bear was sitting proudly on your couch, and every time you saw it, you remembered how clumsy Bruce had been, filling his own bear up. And how cute he was, carefully thinking of his options.

And every time Bruce saw his own bear, that Alfred, for some reason, settled in the Batcave on the “trophy shelves” (and for some reason Bruce didn’t take it off of it...), he couldn’t help but think how he had genuine fun that day.

Genuine fun, for the first time in what felt like ages. And how your smiling and giggling face didn’t seem to leave his mind, whenever he saw that bear...

Conniving traitors.

“We both agree, he’s in love with her right ? He’s just too dense to realize it.”

“Oh yes, young Master Richard, he definitely is. And he is dense, at times.”

“Should we do anything ?”

“No more than what you’re already doing.”

“Which is ?”

“Which is continuing to push them in the...Right direction.”

“Oh ! I get it ! I’ll keep going Al’!”

“And I’m sure you’ll make miracles, young master.”

Dick’s smile to the old butler was so pure and happy, that Alfred had a hard time keeping his composure once again.

And oh. Oh how he wish they were right, and that his Master Bruce would FINALLY allow himself to be happy...

Rumors and Truth

Bruce was just a tiny bit older than you. 24, according to his wikipedia page.

And you couldn't help but be a little jealous, as you were looking at the page to re-enroll yourself in Gotham’s university, knowing he was done with college.

Then again, he was obviously a genius and would’ve been done faster than you anyway, even if you were the same age, since he finished his PhD just the year before, while most people don't even START their doctorate until they're around 23/24.

Mmmm. Made you think. Was this just yet another rumors about the man ?

Maybe not, after all it was proven he started college at age 14, and in Ivy Leagues ones, all across the world.

From Cambridge, to Oxford, without forgetting La Sorbonne (A/N : by the way, this is canon haha, Bruce really did start college that early and went to many different places, and honestly, is anyone surprised ?).

This wasn't really something you absolutely couldn't believe, compared to other crazy rumors about him. And you knew he WAS smart.

By then, you couldn't count how many things were circulating about him, and how hard it was to know the truth from just plain old rumors.

He had over a thousand lovers, he had MORE than one PhD (impossible, right ?), he had died once but survived somehow, he was part of a cult, he often lost his status as a billionaire because he gave so much money to charities and such, but his companies meddled in so many areas that his bank account was always filled more and more…

Honestly that last part didn't really surprise you. You saw him gave his money away to things he cared about (like education and medical care) without a second thoughts, so the fact he constantly oscillated between "billionaire" and "multi-millionaire" didn't really surprise you, not when you knew him like you did now.

You totally trusted the rumors that said that by now, he gave away more than he currently owned. It sounded like him alright…But how to know the truth from the downright crazy ? Did he really have a PhD or was this just an addition to how special and different Bruce Wayne was in Gotham ? What kind of PhD did he have anyway ? 1000 lovers, really ?!

So many questions. And not a lot of answers. Even if you grew closer (as friends, of course), Bruce was still somewhat of a mystery to you.

He never really tried to dismiss rumors, even the bad ones (unless they touched his son). Which made you wonder if they were true or not. And you really, really, for some reasons, wanted to know more about him...

“Is something the matter ?”

He asks. Oh goddamn you, day dreaming on one of your regular “coffee date”.

You shake your head, sipping on your drink and say :

“Was just thinking about...Tabloids.”

“Ah.”

He frowns. For understandable reasons.

“I was just thinking about wether some rumors were true or not.”

“What do you think is not true ?”

“I don’t really know, and you never really say a rumor is false so it’s hard to know.”

“Do you want to know anything in particular ?”

Bruce knows it’s dangerous, to let you enter his private life like that. There’s a reason, after all, why he never dismisses any rumors.

It helped build his fake persona, and take away any suspicions that he might be the infamous Batman.

But he felt weak, around you. As if he just wanted to please you, no matter what. Sometimes, he felt dangerously close to just tell you : “ask me anything and I’ll tell you the truth”, even if it meant revealing his night activities...

Crazy, right ?

He knew it was. And that he shouldn’t let it happen. Yet here he was, asking if you wanted to know something. Craving your attention. It felt so unlike him. But...You seemed to unlock a certain part of him.

The one that didn’t die with his parents, and remained hidden. The one that was the old little Bruce, full of hope, honesty and happiness. Full of wish for the future...Even if he knew there was none.

“How was college, for you ?”

You hear yourself asking, really wondering if it was true he was 14 when he started, and if it was...How different you guys were, right ? You were 21 right now, and taking a gap year after two years of college...When he was your age, he had already finished a master (or even maybe two).

"My college years were actually pretty boring, and unlike some rumors say, weren't particularly wild. I was really young."

"Ah, I heard the rumors."

"Those are true, I'm afraid haha."

"Afraid ? You're a genius !"

Which is why you found, more and more, his "himbo" persona to be odd. WHat was Bruce Wayne trying to hide ? Mmm…

Bruce recognized that look in your eyes. The look of someone who was onto something, and it was too frightening to let it happen. So he said :

"Yes well, I feel I missed a lot, during those years. Which is why I make it up now hahaha !"

His boisterous laughter seemed genuine, and totally fooled you. You couldn't always be on top of everything eh ? And this, did answer your question about his himbo persona…Oh, Bruce was good.

And he knew it. He trained for years, to make sure nobody would ever even suspect him to be Batman.

But he had to be careful with you. He knew it. It was obvious. You weren't that easy to fool…

The Day Batman saved you.

The fact he had to be careful with you was confirmed not long after. When, as Batman, he came to your rescue.

He should’ve known, that even with a voice changer, and a mask covering most his face, plus a demeanor that was completely different from his usual one, you’d still get suspicious...He should’ve known because he, by then, knew you quite well.

But, what ? Was he suppose to just let you get mugged ?

He couldn’t.

Even if in the grand scheme of things, it would’ve been better, and he would definitely intervene if it got too rough...He couldn’t.

He couldn’t bear the thought of you getting hurt, or feeling distressed.

He knew this was stupid. That he shouldn’t get so attached. That muggings weren’t really his area of expertise, that to stop them, he had to hit the big bosses. He knew. Small thugs weren’t his target. He had a much bigger vision. And rationally, he should be somewhere else right now.

Yet he couldn’t resolve himself to. Because, and that was a dangerous thought and feeling, he was in l-

“Why are we spying on your girlfriend ?”

Dick’s voice takes him out of his reveries, good. It WAS getting dangerous. Still keeping you in his field of vision (you were slowly going back to your apartment, a few minutes still, and he could leave to do other things knowing you were safe and sound in your home), he answered :

“We’re not spying on her, we’re making sure she’s safe. And she’s not my girlfriend, you know that.”

“Oh yeah ? We’ve been following your “totally not girlfriend” since the night started, awfully looks to me like we’re um, you know, stalking her.”

“We’re not.”

“Suuuuuuuuuure.”

Bruce gives an annoyed look to his son, who had way too big a smug face right now, and says :

“The night is calm, if something comes up we’ll go. But right now, it’s alright. And it has been made official, that she and I are a couple.”

“Fake couple.”

“Fake one to us, not to the public eye.”

“Ooooooh !”

Connections were quickly made in the boy’s head, and he understood why they were following her. After all, this was Gotham. And if THE Bruce Wayne had ONE known lover...Well, it was easy to know it’d attract some nasty business.

Dick was about to make a smug remark of which he had a talent for, when it happened. He pointed at you, fear in his eyes, and Bruce focused your way again.

“Stay here.”

“What why ?! I wanna help her too !”

“Because she’s too smart not to put two and two if she sees you with me. She knows us in our day lives. She’ll recognize us for sure, if we’re together.”

“Oh...”

“Just stay still, ok ?”

“Ok.”

Without a second thought, Bruce jumped down in the street down below, under Dick’s worried eyes. If anything happened to you, he knew his dad would never be the same again.

And he knew he couldn’t bear to lose yet another person he cared about. Even loved. Yes. Yes Dick loved you, as if you really were part of his family...

The months of “faking” family outings made it so. Your worst fear happened. Dick was getting attached, hardcore. And he really hoped you and Bruce would figure out you were actually in love with each others before the end of your “contract”, and before his sometimes very dense dad would decide to let you go...

For now though, he was anxiously looking at Bruce making his way to you, after he spotted a suspicious group of men genuinely stalking you.

************

“Hey pretty girl, can we talk ?”

You stop in your track, turning around, cursing yourself for not having the instinct to just take off running. Oh. But you can see at least one of them has a gun. You can’t run faster than a bullet...

“Ah it is you, isn’t it ?”

You don’t answer, knowing what they mean. Bruce sort of warned you against this. But you didn't take his warnings seriously, and here you were, going home at night, something he definitely told you not to do.

You just couldn’t sleep that night, and needed a walk...And here you were.

“You’re gonna come nicely with us, right ?”

“I dont’ think so.”

Uh ? You’re pretty sure that weird robotic voice wasn’t yours. Even if that’s exactly what you wanted to say. And that’s...oh wow.

That’s when you see him. Batman.

Immediately, the atmosphere grow even tenser. And you can see the thugs who wanted to take you with them fearfully looking at him.

“This has nothing to do with you Batman, leave us alone, we didn’t do anything wrong !”

“It has everything to do with me. Leave.”

“We have to-You don’t understand. We have to take her to-”

“Nowhere. Leave.”

Even if he was protecting you, you had to admit that, that dude was frightening. He had his back to you, and even then, he looked so intimidating and tall and broad...

Bruce was tall and broad too. But he was soft and sweet, not scary at all.

“OH MY GOD LOOK OUT !!”

One of the thug had a gun pointed at Batman. Right at his head. He didn’t have the time to enforce his helmet yet, and if he shot around his mouth, he was done for...

A rock coming out of nowhere hit the thug right in the face.

Coming out of nowhere ? To you, maybe. But Bruce knew that this was little Dickie’s doing. “Robin always has Batman’s back”, he said often...

For the time being, the one taking his gun out being knocked out triggered a “fight or flight” reaction in the others, and as two took off running (and were mysteriously hit by rocks too, knocking them out), three decided to attack Batman.

Bad move.

Very bad move.

In a matter of second, it was over.

He turns to you, and it’s hard to discern any emotions with his lighted eyes and mask. He asks :

“Are you alright, (Y/N) ?”

“How-How do you know my name ?”

“Well, you’re Bruce Wayne’s girlfriend, right ?”

There was no hesitation in Bruce’s voice as, as soon as he pronounced your name, he knew he messed up...but he trained himself to think quickly. And this “fake” relationship was a perfect excuse, of course. Everyone in Gotham knew about you two, by now.

“Oh, right, ok.”

You seemed a bit disappointed, and Bruce couldn’t quite understand why...

It only hits him later, as he was going to bed, why you looked like that. And it made hi heart beat widely. Because he was pretty sure that it was because you sort of hoped Bruce talked to “Batman about you...Oh...Oh this was getting dangerous.

But of course, Bruce had a reputation to be the one funding Batman’s gadget (a really good cover for the fact he was actually Batman). So they’d know each others...

But right there and then, as he just saved you, you felt so stupid, hoping that Bruce would’ve talked to you to Batman. Why would he ? How the hell would your name even show up in a conversation between Bruce Wayne and Batman (but oh, if you knew you occupied his thoughts many times, and who he really was, maybe you’d feel less bad ? It was, in a way, Bruce talking about you to Batman, right ?).

You smiled weakly and shyly at this impressive being in front of you, and thanked him one more time. He nods, smiling too (oh ?), and bid you farewell.

Ah. But Bruce didn’t notice your eyes go wide, as he took off with his grappling hook, and you caught the side of his face in a certain light...

Fake ?

"You know, he smiles more when you’re around.”

Dick tells you once, you look at him curiously, as he continues :

“And before you say it’s “all pretend”, let me tell you there’s a difference between this smile and the fake one. Look, that’s how he pretend.”

On that note, he looked at you and smiled widely, exaggeratedly, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. And it was so like how Bruce portrayed himself in public, that it made you chuckle.

It also scared you a little.

Not because there was a possibility Bruce did smile more around you, but because as that little boy was being silly, and now imitating his adopted father further and oh so perfectly...You felt a surge of love for him.

And that wasn’t good.

Because the day, which was coming soon now, you’d have to “dump” Bruce Wayne, you wouldn’t be able to see that little one again...why would you ?

It’d be too weird, right ? Someone like you, once “broken up”, would have no reasons or ways to ever interact with billionaire Bruce Wayne or his son ever again.

That little boy was the sweetest child you ever met. He suffered a great loss so early in his life, and there he was, making you laugh and being nice by saying you made his dad genuinely smile.

It hurt, to know that one day, you wouldn’t see him again. That he’d grow up, and you wouldn’t know what he became.

You were sure he was destined to become a great man, and you wished you could see it...No. No this was bad. This was so bad.

“I mean it you know.”

His little voice brings your attention back to him.

“I think you make him happy. With you, it feels he can be himself. He laughs more, really laughs. And it’s often that he tells me “oh this makes me think of (Y/N)” and calls you. He doesn’t need to call you for the fake relationship thing, right ? Yet he does. That means something. I think he likes you.”

You shake your head, smiling at this little boy’s wild imagination. No way. No way was THE Bruce Wayne falling for you in any way. Were you guys becoming real friends ? Sure. But it definitely stopped there. Right ?

Oh but if only you knew Dick had a knack to see this kind of things, and to guess people’s real feelings. If only you knew, that yes, Bruce was starting to fall for you...It would make the next episode way less painful for you.

“Catch me dead before you catch me catching feelings” - You to yourself, a few days before starting a fake relationship with THE Bruce Wayne.

“Fuck you” - You to yourself, almost six months in faking a relationship with Bruce Wayne.

This was...bad.

Soon enough, you and Bruce will break this entire deal off, you will “dump” him, and you’d go on your separate ways. And...

This was bad.

Why ? WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST HANG OUT WITH THIS AMAZING CHARMING MAN AND THAT’S IT ? Why ? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GET OUT THERE AND CATCH....

Catch...

Catch those body shivering “feelings”.

Not just for Bruce though. But for the little buddy too.

You felt yourself fall for Bruce slowly, and as if it was completely out of your control. But you also felt like if Dick wasn't in your life anymore...You wouldn’t feel whole again. Like he was sort of your son, too, by then.

This was so bad. How did you get yourself in this mess ? What was that FIRST rule you gave yourself when all this started ?

Right, “Catch me dead before I catch feelings”. Damn it.

Thanks GOD the “marrying season” was finally coming to an end. Both you and Bruce settled you’d wait a few weeks after it to make your break-up official, so nobody would be tempted to cancel any wedding plans to try and force their daughter onto him.

And it couldn’t happen soon enough.

Being around him now, faking being in love, was torture to you.

Kissing him knowing he felt nothing. Holding his hand in public while you knew in your heart he was just putting a show still. And hanging out with him feeling that you had absolutely no chance of this ever evolving...

It hurt.

It hurt so bad.

And you were slowly hoping you never agreed to being his fake girlfriend. Being a living cliche, the money and the fame were REALLY not worth the heartache.

So not worth it...

The end...?

"Well mister Wayne, it has truly been a pleasure to be your "girlfriend" haha. Seriously, I had a lot of fun, and a little revenge on life. You know, I saw Eric and Monica not long ago. They tried to become my friends again, knowing I was with you. It was great, to ignore them like they ignored them. You’re right, they’re really not worth it. And honestly I still don’t think we’re even after they hurt me like they did but...In the end, they looked so outraged. Win-win, really. Thank you very much."

"Thank YOU, for playing along and doing more than you bargained for. You really saved me a lot of hassle and…I had fun, too."

Your taxi was pulling in front of the Manor, and honked as he parked. Clearly, not a very patient driver.

"Well, see you around, Bruce ! If you're not too busy, you know…I kinda consider you a friend by now ?"

"Me, too."

Bruce lied. A "friend" ? No, it couldn't cover and explain all his feelings for you. A "friend". How ridiculous.

As you walked away, giving him a last smile, Bruce felt a pang in his chest.

A painful and yet happy one. A longing one. One that told him that "friend" wasn't what he wanted to be…Not anymore…

But was there really a future for you and him ? Probably not. His nightly activities would get in the way. You deserve more than the life he could give you. Being his "fake" girlfriend, you only took part in his public matters. Part in a fake world full of nice things, that was far from his actual life.

"Friend", he wished he could be more to you than this.

But he knew.

He knew that for your own good, he had to stay away. And oh, oh how he wished he could be more than just your "friend" or "fake" boyfriend.

Yet he watched as you walked away. Without doing anything.

He watched you leave, and felt the hole in his heart expand a little more. But didn’t try to catch you, or stop you from leaving.

And your taxi was already far, now. On its way to Gotham.

"So you gonna run after her oooor…??"

Dick's little voice takes him out of his reveries.

“Mmm ?”

“(Y/N). Are you gonna run after her, or stand there looking like a sad puppy for the rest of your life ?”

“I do not look like a sad puppy.”

“Yes you do, and you know it. Come on dad, why are you doing this ?”

This was the first time Dick called him dad. Which didn’t go unnoticed to Bruce. It meant...It meant something was definitely happening. He felt it in his heart. Something that was dangerous. Oh so dangerous.

Hope. Like the “old Bruce” had. Hope. Full of it. Before his parents were murdered in front of him, for no reasons. Meaningless.

Hope.

To have a family again. Ah. But...Being with you was impossible. And Dick would be enough. He would. He was already enough...

“How long are ya gonna torture yourself exactly ?”

That boy was too smart for his own good. Bruce said :

“I’m not. I just...I can’t be with her.”

“I cAn’T bE wITh hEr !! ...Why ?!”

“You saw what happened, when it was made official we were together. She almost died.”

“And you saved her. Your point being ?”

“Dick...”

“Don’t -he takes a mock Bruce voice- “Dick” me mister ! You’re afraid to be happy, and I won’t have it. You gave me another chance to have a family. A dad. And I’m not about to let my dad punish himself for feeling good. You told me yourself my parents would like for me to be happy. Well yours would too, you big idiot ! So now, you listen to me.”

Dick, meaning business, jumps on the stairs’ bannister to sort of be on eye level with Bruce, and says, pointing his finger at him :

“You take one of those fancy useless sport car, and you run after her. Capish ?”

There’s a moment of silence. During which Bruce is unsure of what to do. And then...Then he smiles at his son.

His son.

“Capish”, he simply says, and he rushes towards the garage’s entrance, under Dick’s happy look.

Success.

Bruce’s car was leaving the estate, when Alfred joined Dick at the front door.

“You did it, Master Richard.”

“I hope I did !”

“Oh you did. You did. Thank you. Thank you for taking care of my son...”

Dick turned to Alfred, who couldn’t keep a straight face this time. Small tears gathered in the old man’s eyes, and sweet little Dick did not hesitate one second before jumping into his arms and giving him one of his famous “Grayson special” hug.

It’s real.

Back to square one.

You. A bad day. Looking like a mess (this time not because of the rain, but because you cried a lot). Your gap year almost over and still not knowing who you were. With no coffee, but at least, you had a tub of ice cream.

You already missed Bruce. And Dick. And Alfred.

You couldn’t believe those six months of “faking” would end up meaning so much to you, and feel so devastating as they ended.

You wish you had never met Bruce. And that you’d been ridiculed by Eric and Monica, that your life would still be pathetic...Pathetic maybe, but at least, your heart wasn’t completely shattered.

You don’t hear the hurried knocks on your door, at first. Entranced by your own sadness. It’s only when they become loud and insistant you react.

You really hope it’s not a journalist. They sort of tried to talk to you so many times, since you “dumped” Bruce...You knew he made sure that they’d stay away, but some were particularly persistent.

Including that awful woman from the charity, who was asking Dick those horrible questions. “Vicky Vale”, was her name, apparently. What a witch.

Clearly, the knocking wasn’t gonna go away, so you stood up, settled your tub of ice cream on your coffee table, and went to the door, ready to fight if need be.

But there was no need for fights.

At least, not in the literal sense of the term.

“Bruce ?”

He seems out of breath. Incredible, given how in shape he was. He doesn’t really leave you any time to say anything else, as he blurts out :

“I was wrong.”

He blurts out out of nowhere, and you’re even more confused. Before you could ask what was all this about, he adds :

“I was wrong. When I said you were the right person because you were “normal”. You’re everything, BUT “just a regular person”. You’re the most fantastic woman I’ve ever met. You decided to help a total stranger just because. I know I helped you before, but it doesn’t compare to what you did for me. Especially on a matter that seems so silly to me now. You put yourself in a very awkward position for someone you didn’t even know. In front of the public, for a guy like me. You knew I was a “playboy”, and that I could very well use you. Yet you still put up with it. You accepted my son, even as you didn’t have to. Even as, just like me, you are so young. You were nice to Dick, even if all you needed to do was pretend. You’re...You’re...You’re just something else entirely. It feels like you know me, the real me. Like you can read my very soul. Like you’re the only one for me. I’ve known for a long time. I ignored it because I was afraid of what that meant but...but a certain little one made me realize this was time. It’s time to move on. It’s time to allow myself to be happy. And so, here I am.”

Was this...it ? The point of your gap year ? To discover that finding yourself...Meant finding your soulmate ?

It sounded silly. While at the same time, not. Because you felt it. You felt it deep within you. From the moment Bruce handed you that twenty dollars bill, fate was in motion.

You meeting Eric and Monica wasn’t bad luck. It was the opposite. It was the Universe’s push towards your real Destiny.

Towards Bruce.

“You’re not saying anything. Is this bad ? Or does it mean I blew your mind away ? I’m clearly hoping for the latter...”

Over the months, you discovered how huge of a dork Bruce Wayne could be. Even as if there was often a darkness right behind his smiles. Deep within his eyes. You discovered he wasn’t always this cocky arrogant man he portrayed himself to be while in public. How he was actually pretty funny and oh so empathetic. How...How so many things, the list seemed endless in your mind.

And it only added to everything, that he looked so unsure. And so you smile. You just smile at him. And everything you feel is in that smile.

You don’t even realize you’re holding each others now, and that you’re kissing...

It’s not pretend this time.

A real first kiss.

Though maybe all your kisses until now weren’t as fake as you pretended them to be.

In any case, this, right now, is a real kiss alright.

A real one.

Full of all the pent up emotions. Free of all the fear and hurt you both felt as you realized you were in love with the other one, yet you thought things were all “fake”.

Because it wasn't fake. It wasn’t.

“I love you.”

You don’t know who said it first. You, or him. You felt so in sync, that it didn’t matter. What is sure, is that you both said it. Before you closed the door to your apartment, leading him in.

Before you spend the night in each other’s arms.

Bruce not even thinking about going out as Batman..

For the first time in years, he decided to fully embrace being happy.

“You always told me my parents would wish for me to be happy, well yours too !” Dick said. And oh, he was so right.

By the way, I’m Batman. Surprise.

“It’s not like I didn’t know, you know.”

“Huh ?”

Oh. Oh the delight to see that surprised expression on Bruce’s face. It was quite a rare one, really. And as he finally gathered the courage to tell you who he really was, risking losing you in the process but wanting to show you his full self...

It was particularly delightful.

“Busted you on that night you saved me. As if I wasn’t going to recognized that jawline.”

“Wait, really ? I really thought you bought my lies !”

“Well now, you know not to underestimate me.”

“I...Do.”

A natural smile reaches his face, and he approaches you, pulling you to him, and laying a soft kiss on your lips. Feeling fully accepted and loved, like never before. And he could see you-

“Oh NO EWWWWWW !!!”

You pull away from Bruce’s kiss (noticing his slow grumble, displeased to lose your warmth), and look at little Dickie (your son too, now !), staring at you two, looking disgusted.

“Get a ROOOOM !!”

This makes you laugh. A lot. And oh. Oh how would you ever guess, in that moment, that one day, this “get a room !!” said in such a disgusted tone would be the trademark of your children (SIX OF THEM) whenever they’d see you and Bruce display any sort of affection to one another ?

You couldn’t guess, of course. But even in that moment, as you softly laughed, in Bruce’s arms, while looking at your son now making exaggerated noises and acting silly, you knew this...

This was what you’ve been looking for during this gap year.

This was who you were.

Right there.

At the heart of a loving family, even if right now, it was just the three of you (four, let’s not forget Alfred !).

The end.

_________________________________________________

And here we are. I hope you liked it ? I feel particularly nervous about this one haha. Don’t hesitate to leave a little comment and reblog :), It’s always greatly appreciated, and encouraging :D. Thanks in advance, and see you soon with a new story !

#Bruce Wayne x reader #Batman x Reader #Batmom #Batfam x Reader #Batfam #Batfamily x Reader #Bruce Wayne imagine #Bruce Wayne #Batman #DC reader insert #Richard Grayson x Reader #Richard Grayson imagine #Batman imagine #Batman reader insert #Robin x reader #AU compare to main Batmom #Richard Grayson #fem!reader

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makiema · 4 years

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finally finished writing about how much stormbringer enhances the skk dynamic which was at a nascent stage in Fifteen and anticipates the developments which happen later and culminate in Dead Apple where the faith they have in each other is absolutely remarkable! the fact that i said i’d do this in a few hours yesterday but it took me like 24 hrs to finish i have an attention span of a whole 2 minutes 💀

my favorite thing about stormbringer is that it actually builds up on the concepts/themes introduced in Fifteen so it's a glimpse into what has changed in dazai and dazai & dhuuya after one year of being together. As much as it's about chuuya confronting his past and his identity this is also about dazai’s development from who he was in fifteen. chuuya and rimbaud both left their marks on dazai and in Stormbringer we see him, actually trying to emulate or follow in a sense a way of life, that chuuya and rimbaud represented. Stormbringer is not just about chuuya, abt his test of humanity, or he coming in terms with who or what he is. it's about dazai too. it's about dazai developing or at least attempting to develop what he calls “boyish”/ “ordinary” in Fifteen. its not about chuya having an identity crisis. in fact what we understand from Code 04's last section is that chuuya never considered it as his crisis and neither did dazai. so to dazai “saving chuuya is important, human or not doesn't matter” and when dazai gives chuuya time to think abt what the operation will cost him chuuya doesnt so much as flinch form his purpose. This goes on to show unlike verlaine he doesnt care about memory and certainly doesnt consider it as the only determinant of someone being human. He cares more abt yokohama and his friends and in that, in caring abt his “family”, he is just as human as the next person. whether he’s factually human or not comes secondary to his desire to save people. This is a message that the quality of being human has more to do with embodying human qualities or humanity than having memories and lineage. so yeah stormbringer is essentially about embracing humanity but this happens on 2 levels: both chuuya and dazai embrace humanity. Going back to the boyish or ordinary bit, im talking abt this segment:

here dazai is shocked because he assumed everyone “gangsta” and everyone crazy powerful delighted in homicide, in deliberately indulging in the macabre. but he is proved wrong. He logically concluded that anyone with power more than average and belonging to the underground would kill people and delight in that because it’s a given they lack any kind of moral understanding. To that end, they’d be exalted at the prospect of relentlessly shooting a dead body, mutilating it and dishonoring it. The mafia code (any general mafia code) works in a way where honor and death goes hand in hand. So only the lowest of the low would do that to a dying person, who even when faced with certain death is loyal to his own organisation. This really shows that even within the mafia dazai is the only person whos like the devil incarnate. So yeah dazai at this sate far lower than even a mafia member. But chuuya who actually embodiess the mafia code and is incredibly loyal to his organisation and “family” [ putting family in quotes bc he himself calls his friends family 🥺] ofc kicks the gun away. From dazai’s pov chuuya being as insanely powerful as he is should also do the same. But chuuya comes along and suggests that even enemies should be shown respect where it’s due. And that is what an ordinary person, oblivious to mafia life (mafia life as in waht dazai makes of it) thinks. So in undermining the binary between “ordinary” and “mafia” chuuya proves that being mafia doesnt necessarily mean selling your soul to the devil and giving up the last smidge of humanity. In fact by embodying qualities like compassion and kindness and mutual respect, you can make the mafia a better place for yourself and for the other members. Now in Stormbringer, we see how this affected dazai. here dazai is introduced as someone mercilessly killing to set up the channel.

Now to expand the channel one would need to keep doing it right? To mercilessly kill ppl and stuff but instead what he does is hand the channel over to chuuya bc he knows chuuya wouldnt handle it like him. im not suggesting that dazai miraculously becomes v good or anything with dazai the key words is “try” or “to some extent” like in Fifteen when Chuuya asks “do u wanna live” he’s like “ not to that extent”. similarly its not to say he doesnt kill people anymore. it is that he tries to lessen the number of casualties by handing over one of the most troublesome channels to chuuya who would manage it in a much more humane way. That dazai draws from his friends/at least tries to is smth we’ll see again later on when he deals with akutagawa. He talks about odasaku and ofc its baffling to him that a mafia member as powerful as him would be taking acre of orphans. and dazai says but he cant afford to be that kind and proceeds to shoot akutagswa but again does so in a calculated way such that he doesnt end up killing him ( im NOT justifying dazai’s abuse not at all im just saying that its hard to believe he coincidentally knew the exact no of bullets that aku could block. and had odasaku’s words and his way of life not been in the back of his mind he could’ve ended up killing aku) coming back to chuuya and dazai we also see him avoiding further conversation on the jewelry channel thing as he says “leave that for now”. He does a similar thing again when mori brings up the concept of double suiciding with chuuya.

Its a HUGE thing for him to digest that him suiciding would inevitably spell the doom for chuuya. this puts an unimaginable responsibility on him. And he avoids further discussion on this. Now we know dazai is the rambly type. Even in the most dire moments he goe son with his LOONG monologues so really he is the last person who’d avoid a conversation but he deliberately does it in these 2 instances because its hard for him to grasp these things. That he can go against his nature and do a conscientious thing by handing over one of the most grisly channels to chuuya (i dont think dazai’s nature is evil. Or even if it is, its a a social construct keeping in mind the war ravaged times or its mori’s construct because he does exploit dazai to the hilt. but dazai ofc thinks of himself as non-human, devious. perfectly devilish...etc.) And also the fact that someone as suicidal as him is actually responsible for the life of someone else is really too much to take in. a whole 10 seconds pause indicates just how much he was thrown off when mori opened his eyes to the reality of things: if he dies, chuuya inexorably dies as a consequence. also i dont think the “wow” here or the next bit :

is something jokey. if it was like haha double suicide with chuuya is the worst haha wanna do it w pretty lady kind of a deal. that pause would have been unnecessary. dazai’s immediate reaction would’ve been whining and shit. the use of “froze” too implies the gravity of the situation. so ofc what is “wow” is how much meaning his life has for someone else. and for some so much....better than him. and what is unacceptable is this sad, sad truth that his life (to which he ascribes no value) would be so inextricably linked with someone else’s and hold so much meaning to them. it is like when a suicidal person at the brink of suicide understanding his life is not his own. his life and death holds consequences for ppl surrounding him. so both of these are huge things to grasp and at both these times dazai is visibly shaken up so much so that he doesnt want to do his favorite thing- ramble in a condescending tone. smth he does in so many instances. this really is a testimony to the fact that things are changing in him. the redemption process has begun. he’s no longer the kind of maniac he was before he encountered chuuya. when zuko underwent his transition in atla he was so shaken up after one (1) right decision he had a fever. i think this is true for anyone who’s trying to change. change is after all a huge thing for everyone. ofc he’ll be unsettled. so anyways this is proof that he has indeed come a long way from being someone who revelled at the prospect of meaningless bloodshed.

now coming to the concept of love he assumes he’d get sick of love and die:

and that death is the singular goal worth chasing after because it makes you feel more alive/get a fuller picture of what living entails. but here he is erring by supposing love is something that’ll bore him/have no meaning. and it cant provide him that “something” he’s looking for. at this point he hasn’t loved so he doesnt know whether he’ll be sick of it or if it'll have no impact. And yet he’s morose and regretful. this is a kind of self-imposed constraint hes putting on himself. he cancels out the v idea of love because hes convinced it isnt worth it. he hasnt even been in love okay scratch being in love that sounds romantic and i really dont mean love in a romantic sense here...its just love. in general. any form is cool. anyway so dazai is not familiar with any kind of love. He is entirely alien to the concept. he doesnt even know what a friend/partner is so he doesnt know what love is. this is cleared out here when rimbaud confesses he did everything for paul and dazai is unconvinced:

chuuya ofc admonishes him and shuts him up for good, he says dazai has no right lookind down upon smth he doesnt understand. he doesnt understand friendship, love. or loyalty. or how important those feelings are at this point. now this situation is turned on its head in stormbringer. but before we go into that let’s look at the message rimbaud had for both of them. ik he specifically asks for chuuya to “live” but there’s purpose behind including both of them in the frame. it’s a message they should both take to heart. and at the end of it its implied both are changed after hearing it:

and in this message the first bit is for chuuya. what he says is basically memory doesn’t make u human... ”you are you” just a frame or not doesnt matter. and even if hes just a frame, he is still beautiful. beauty actually is a v important concept in literature starting right from Plato to Shakespeare. i’d not bring this here but because bsd is so deeply rooted in literature i feel like the reference to beauty, and later on to soul and even warmth and also the universal tone of this message carries some meaning. so the thing is both Plato and Shakespeare were endorsed the idea of love as a force awakened in the world by beauty which then leads the soul to perfection. so humans and by extension, all life are beautiful frames that can inspire love. this concept is also there in Romantic poetry like Keats and Wordsworth all of them talked about loving beauty in nature and how that can elevate the body mind and soul. so essentially in telling this to chuuya what ehe basically means is that chuuya just by being him, by being a beautiful framework can inspire love and warmth in others and thats a great purpose! how much chuuya understands of this purpose with his one (1) braincell and his low self esteem is questionable but he gets some sense of belonging. now this is a two way relationship so ofc dazai has to be factored in. he comes in the next part:

these are from 2 different translation so the disparity im sorry ;-; but anyway, this last part abt the world being a cold place. then paul. then “warmth” is a message to dazai who’s been introduced to us as cold-hearted and having like no bearings of a human being. this is the reason why its important for both o f them to be there. now going back to chuuya being a beautiful framework, the framework can be beautiful in so far as its beauty is appreciate by someone and inspires warmth and love in someone. this again is the whole beauty/beholder nature/the romantic concept that is there in shakespeare and in Romantic poetry where both are a part of a codependent relationship. so what rimbaud implies here is that dazai can have that kind of a relationship with another person (chuuya) just like rimbaud had with paul which makes him warm and the world doesnt feel cold anymore. rimbaud has no regrets about what he did because. so the idea is that dazai and chuuya can share the same dynamic. also after this, the narrative says that their hearts are now changed and wont return to what they were before....and even their souls are refined in a way. but in Fifteen we dont have a concrete proof of how this happened bc the novel ends at this point. Instead, Stormbringer shows exactly how deep the impact of those words is:

this is the third instance of dazai showing hesitation and once again this has to do with chuuya. the seed of the dynamic that rimbaud was talking about is already germinating in him. his reactions, his fidgeting, his hesitancy, in response to chuuya’s situation is such a big contrast to his cocksure self when he’s conversing with adam and verlaine. after this of course we have:

not only does he clearly express his concern but he gives chuuya 2 whole mins to make a decision and based on that he’s prepared to overturn the operation. the success rate of an alternative plan will ofc be lesser than the og one but that doesnt faze dazai. he’s ready to turn the tide for chuuya’s sake and if this is not development idk what is. just a year ago, he was someone to whom the concept of rimbaud going thru all that trouble for his friend was a lost concept. ironically enough, now he finds himself doing something that is along the same lines. he puts chuuya above his mission. to him, chuuya is more important than getting a satisfactory result. another bit that i wanna talk abt is that one controversial section where dazai says he’ll save chuuya, human or not, and then the justification is:

i think a lot of people got mad bc of this and honestly at first glance i was peeved too. as a chuuya stan some of the shit dazai has done so far did rub me the wrong way. i love skk obv but still those were moments that kind of left a bad taste in the mouth. i’ll discuss them later on bc stormbringer helps allay that feeling. coming back to the “i wanna see chuuya suffer” part firstly context is important. ofc someone like dazai cant be expected to be upfront about his feelings with ppl (or AI) he barely knows. so what be relays to adam, is only partly true and its actually a kind of a twist in concept. the things is, and this is smth dazai knows all too well is that ppl suffer simply on account of being human. human suffering is brought on because humans, by virtue of being humans, feel. so when he says he’s willing to acknowledge chuuya as human despite what N and Verlaine said he’s already admitting that chuuya suffers. so there is really nothing “new” to see for him. he knows chuuya suffers already and he does too because they’re both humans trying to make it thru their messed up lives. also chuuya “ceasing to be human” is a p huge concern for him bc he himself is like that. just like with the suicide thing, it bothers dazai when someone else shares his situation/his fate like as long as his life is his own, he has no problem ending it whenever but the situation is complicated when someone else’s life span is determined by that decision. and similarly, as long as he is “no longer human” its not that much of an issue because he’s like resigned to a doomed fate but someone like chuuya ceasing to be human or worse yet never getting to know if hes human or not are pressing matters. so anyways what he actually means here is that in saving chuuya, he saves someone who suffers just like he does and in their case, even the cause of suffering boils down to a shared psychological conflict: what essentially constitutes being human and if im human or not. now this sharing of pain and suffering is the foundation of forming a connection with someone, which makes life a little better. here again, what rimaud imparted to dazai and chuuya is driven home. also dazai’s key anxiety is not finding meaning/anything. this “anything” can be assumed to be something that justifies life. so all his anxiety and frustration stems from the fact that there really is no discernible meaning to be found in the mechanism of life. so it is an empty pursuit because it is true that nothing can explain why feelings of pain and suffering are exponentially heavier than feelings of happiness or why after getting to experience one (1) free day we’re back to square one where life is grueling. these are questions that really dont have an answer so every time dazai like gazes into the abyss and says he didnt find anything, he is not so much asking if he’ll ever find anything as swallowing the hard truth that there is nothing to be found, no singular entity exists that can magically justify everything. again drawing upon literature or philosophy more specifically, there’s a concept called Absurdism which says the only philosophical truth so to say is this that life is absurd and looking for meaning is futile. instead what we can do is accept that it is absurd and deal with it in the best way possible, by finding little sources and moments of happiness, and strewing them together so we feel somewhat content. even if it is just for a fleeting second. and this happiness/contentment amidst a wretched life (altho temporal) can be found in friendship, in sharing, and even in having fun with people you’re comfortable with! this is actually why dazai wants to save chuuya and now it may seem like im interpreting his words through the shipping lens but thats not so and it can be corroborated by looking into dazai’s words to odasaku. after chuuya, dazai’s next attempt at friendship was odasaku who he found “interesting”. now when odasaku sort of like threw hands and chose death over having to live a life without the orphans, dazai tried to stop him not by saying stuff like life is good. and things will def change for the better. but instead he admits that living is hard and the sense of void is ubiquitous and yet he doesnt want him to up and die because then he would be sad. because the little comfort that he got from odasaku and something he probably assumed odasaku also got from him would be gone. [how much odasaku considered dazai a source of comfort remains unclear. in fact the reason odasaku gave up and died was because he did not have this. this feeling of sharing in someone else’s suffering and seeking comfort in friends in the real world. instead he was too vested in his ideal world. his over reliance on an entirely idealistic concept is actually what pushed him over the edge. and this would have been the case for dazai too had he not encountered and sought comfort and companionship in chuuya and eventually in odasaku ] so this again goes on to show how rimbaud’s words changed dazai’s heart. and in a way dazai really has been doing this unconsciously form the v beginning like by teasing chuuya continually in Fifteen. you dont expect someone as cold as him to indulge in friendly bickering and taunting so often but he does. that there is significance and even happiness in that is something he learns over time, after rimbaud’s words to him. although these things seem futile on the surface they give a moment’s respite. so although chuuya spinning dazai on a rope in stormbringer might seem weird to everyone, they still serve a purpose:

what shirase puts forward is particularly relevant here because neither dazai nor chuuya is fully aware of the extent of their feelings (or even what those feelings are like they dont know what label to put. so typical oblivious lovers) for each other or what they stand to gain just by driving each other nuts but there is something intangible but satisfying to be felt. a kind of contentment that helps him continue. one day at a time. there is no one great “thing” that can make him like wake up one day feeling like he doesnt want to die ever again. but again like i said before, the key word for dazai is “extent” so, these little things to some extent contribute to a sense of fulfilment which helps him keep death at bay. thats why he’s bent on saving chuuya bc he knows they can share in their suffering and make life better for each other. its not like he wants chuuya to suffer. chuuya will suffer nonetheless like every other human. but in suffering together there is something to be found so he doesnt want him to cease being human.

this covers more or less the intertextuality between Stormbringer and Fifteen. i just wanna talk a bit more about a couple other moments in Stormbringer that i feel are p important because they put some things in the series in perspective and also made the dead apple moment 10x more emotional 🥺 one thing that really strikes me is the absolute fanon level of comfort that dazai and chuuya share in Strombringer. its like scenes form k-drama lol.

so yeah this stuff. compare this with dazai’s reaction @atsushi when he drops im not saying that its not just a joke and that what im saying should be the right way to look at this contrast. its not like that at all. but what this does is give an estimate to the readers just how close and comfortable dazai feels when its chuuya. and this plus everything i rambling on abt for so long also gives us an estimate about the sincerity of dazais feelings. now 2 things always bothered me : the fact that dazai actually left chuuya and the fact that after the fight against lovecraft he actualy deserted him (this again can ofc be construed as just a humorous bit but still it did leave a bad taste in my mouth) dazai leaving the mafia is ofc something he had to do to fulfil oda’s dying wish but it still dint sit right with me that he would abandon chuuya. just like oda levaing is harder on dazai, dazai leaving is harder on chuuya. its always harder on the one left behind. so anyway, these sorts of things sometimes made me doubt dazai’s feelings but now that stormbringer clears it all up i do think there is a larger motif at work here. when mori offers dazai to come back to the mafia in s2 we see him saying that it was mori who kicked him out and that he did so because he was afraid dazai would usurp his position. so he set it up in a way that dazai would be forced to leave but on his own accord. now more than usurpation i believe what mori really did fear is that dazai had no allegiance to the mafia (which is actually true) bc he doesnt have that sense of loyalty and that to him his friends were more important than swearing allegiance to mori. (which again is true). so by getting oda killed, the message that mori seemed to be giving out was if dazai didnt leave he would do it again. and if we consider ango’s betrayal which had already transpired at that point, the one mori would next target to sort of get at dazai would inevitably be chuuya. this is only conjecture but still, i do believe this might as well be true because then it would explain why dazai didnt carry chuuya back to the base after their fight [something he was v comfortable doing in Stormbringer. in fact in the first case he carries chuuya back to the billiards bar and not to the mafia’s base so he could hear albatross’ last words 🥺] its because mori needs to know unlike dazai, chuuya is absolutely loyal to him which regrettably he is. it kinda becomes imperative therefore on part of dazai to make it seem that way to mori. that they really are at each others throats and that dazai is insignificant to chuuya. and that the mafia comes before dazai. (which is not true bc we see chuuya protecting his friend [shirase] while also staying loyal to the mafia in Stormbringer)

mori also in his own way tries to provoke hostility b/w them like in Dead Dpple when he was all like yeah so dazai is the star and chuuya is merely bait. so it kinda makes sense if dazai left the mafia not only to like do good work but also to protect chuuya from mori. also the fact that chuuya did the same thing— left the Sheep and joined PM to protect Shirase from the mafia makes be believe that my speculation is plausible given all the parallels we find between dazai and chuuya.

and the last bit is about the brilliant Dead Apple scene and how much added context it gets in light of Stormbringer.

in this scene dazai first says: “you used Corruption believing in me?” and then the translation is “how beautiful” which is an okay translation but the exact thing dazai said was “nakasetekurerune” which literally is : youre gonna make me cry you know? now my knowledge of japanese is like duolingo level but i do know “nakasete” has to do with crying and “kureru” is used by the receiver to indicate he’s receiving a feeling/object from someone close. so basically chuuya trusting him is something so beautiful that it could almost move him to tears. now lets look at dazai’s intro in Stormbringer:

dazai, being dazai, ofc would be able to tell genuine trust from fealty out of fear so ofc the fact that chuuya has this kind of blind faith in him is overwhelming for him. also stormbringer really expands on the sight effects of Corruption in full detail. its so PAINFUL and to think that chuuya would jump into it right away for dazai’s sake.....no wonder he is so soft when deactivating him. and then he proceeds to flirt for a little bit with the Snow White and the kiss of life reference. but this flirting doesnt seem even a little out of place now. it doesn't feel like smth meaningless or smth that dazai is just saying as a joke. that there is absoluetly no subtext to making a statement like that. instead that kind of flirting feels like smth inspired from a deep, deep familiarity with someone who really shares his heart and soul. when he talks to chuuya abt the problem of not knowing whether he is human or not, it is a problem that is as central to him as it’s to chuuya. not feeling fully reconciled to a human identity is a problem thats fundamental to both of them. I don’t think familiarity gets any deeper than this where you share the exact same psychological problem. so its really wonderful how we can trace the skk development now: what starts out as a crush on part of dazai or not a crush exactly rather, a feeling of perplexed admiration because chuuya is breathtakingly beautiful inside out, eventually gain all these layers and develops into something meaningful where they have so much faith in each other and where they literally help each other live. knowing someone out there shares your exact issue so you’re really not alone in this is perhaps the greatest comfort in the world. also now its clear how both of them would have turned out had they not met each other and had they not taken in rimbaud’s advice. chuuya in his desire to learn about himself and frustration at not being able to do the same would have perhaps spiralled downward and ended up becoming like verlaine. he is his double here after all. and had dazai not seen chuuya up close being the wonderful person he is, he too would have probably ended up developing a god complex and becoming like fyodor. dazai is there to save chuuya literally from dying a monster and chuuya is there to remind him he too can try and mend his ways and embrace his human side. after all chuuya has so much trust him in! (despite him having questionable methods) for both of them, it starts out as an attempt to be more human, then establishing a fruitful partnership, and finally coming in terms with their feelings to some extent. for dazai, he’s comfortable enough to engage in occasional flirting at this point and for chuuya it’s playing along with dazai’s antics (well with the ones he get 💀 pretty boy has half a functional braincell) and openly showing his concern for him. so really by confirming their feelings what strombringer does is enhance the skk development in a way that Dead Apple doesnt seem like fan service anymore. the fact that dazai would casually flirt or be comfortable with chuuya landing on his crotch 💀 all that isnt as ridiculous as it first seemed because stormbringer lays the groundwork and anticipates all the intimate/flirty skk moments that have happened till now and ig will happen again soon.

#bsd #stormbringer #soukoku #dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #bungou stray dogs #stormbringer spoilers #bsd meta #bsd analysis

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artgirllullaby · 3 years

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Chapter 16: After Shards

There is much stuff i want to say about this update, but not enough space. So I decided to make an author Notes close to the end.

For now I wanna thank everyone who was patient, understanding and welcoming me. Many of you probably forgot this existed, some stopped around to ask how I was doing, and i'm thankful for it.

You guys have no idea how your reviews and knowing i had to complete this had saved my life. And I say this more than I really would like to admit. Your reviews, comments and messages were the line to bring me back to end stuff many times. For that, thank you.

Thank you every single one of you who stop by, leaving a comment, review or not. You who take few minutes to read what I'm writing, those of you who are silently lurking and hoping for an update, this is for you. Thank you for existing, thank you for saving my life in more ways than i can ever put in words.

Thank you.

Now let's get back on where we left, shall we?

Chapters: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20

You can read Ever After at Ao3 | FF.net | DeviantArt and on Tumblr, feel free to go read where it pleases you the most

Chapter 16: After Remembrance

"So let me see if I got it…" Janna said crossing her legs on Marco's bed, he tried not to get annoyed on her dirty sneakers on his sheets given he was asking a favor to her "You want me to perform some kind of witchery-"

"Enchantment." Marco corrected.

"Whatever, you want me to try to make magic in a world that has become void of it to recover your girl?"

Marco shifted on his computer chair replying with an awkward "Yes?"

His childhood friend frowned a bit in deep thought, "Don't get me wrong Marco, but how in the hell am I supposed to do that?!" resting a bit back on his bed she continued "you said yourself that when she left it also erased not only her existence but every trace of magic here, including my own magic as you say. How would I be able to use magic if there's none around or in me?"

"You see, here is the catch. I don't think you're completely void of it."

Janna exchanged looks with his dog before both of them looked back at him as if they were reconsidering the option of calling the hospital to take him in.

"OK, let me explain." He took a breath, "When Star had come to this dimension, we had no idea that magic truly existed. In fact, there is- or at least had by then, a bunch of magic creatures living among us and we had no idea because we were used to our routines and livelihood. But Star had to adapt and she had to question and understand everything and while she had to discover and learn, she ended up showing and doing the same for us."

Janna rested her chin on her hand in a tedious position "Your point being?"

"My point is that there was magic here before Star came along. Magic that was from here, from Earth. Like, very low and not much, but once was enough to connect our worlds and dimensions, then we can do it again."

"That… kinda makes sense." She agreed with a nod "But if she blocked the other side it would still be impossible."

"She might have blocked the way directly to Mewni and other dimensions I knew the way over. But it's impossible for her to have blocked all dimensions back and forth."

"So what? Your plan is to go aimlessly into a random dimension and find a way over into another until you jump onto Minnie?"

"Mewni, and yes. I will get the right way eventually. I know I will." Marco said determinedly, "I had to hunt down the entity that was responsible for creating the material for transportation through the dimensions and I did it. If I was able to do that by then, nothing will stop me from reaching out for Star. And I know for a fact, there's a place that connects all dimensions."

A place that once almost got destroyed by desperation and naiveness, by that's another story and a detail he didn't need to disclose right now.

"Except the fact I can't use magic." Janna reminded him.

"Not really, that's what I am trying to say. Star might have cut or blocked the magic traces that were unnatural from here, but she can't get rid of what is natural."

"Uh…" Janna squinted her eyes, having trouble understanding "I kinda get your point, but not what you aim at…"

"Look, think about this like… the seasons!"

Janna gave a flat look as if that seemed more confusing but gestured to him to go on.

"You see, in Spring it's the prosperous time, when flowers grow, fruits are there and things blooms, then comes summer and while the temperature is high, we still can get the supriments spring gave us, then comes autumn and that's when the hard time comes. Leaves fall, fruits are not that much, some plants die, all while we prepare to the winter, when it's cold and we need to survive without much food-"

Janna facepalmed herself "You know that's totally not how it works, right?!"

"Just listen!" He sighed "after the time at lowest, what comes next?"

"Spring?"

"Exactly!" Marco replied her bored tone with excitement, "It comes the time when it flourishes again! You understand?! It's a cycle!"

Janna frowned, understanding his logic but still questioning it "You think Star speeds up the cycle?"

"She did something. Knowing or not." He shrugged, turning to her once more "Nature finds a way. It will make magic flow again, if it follows the seasons or not I have no idea, but I know it does follow a cycle. He have magic in our history, we got historical events that none can explain, and that follows some impact, and it goes around the world not just a place particular, and we had quiet times and then the new things again and-"

"Breathe, boy" Janna said standing up and sighing a bit as she forced Marco to sit down and take a moment, "Did you take your medicine?"

"We don't have time to-"

"We made a deal." She crossed her arms standing up in front of him as she looked at him sternly from his bed. "You keep yourself sane and under the medical conditions, as long as you're stable and healthy I'm willing to help you." The dark-haired girl looked around and asked again, "So, did you take your meds?"

Marco sighed and thought for a moment, "I did take them this morning." He looked at his phone for a moment and took a breath of redemption, "It is a bit past the time for me to take some I guess…"

"Well, then." His childhood friend gestured to the door, so he could go ahead and get the medicine wherever they were. Marco did as she suggested, knowing she was asking for the best of him and she was indeed looking out for his health. The last thing he needed now he was getting his memories back and was determined to find Star, was to have a breakdown and lose control (his last one was still healing in his eyebrow), he ain't got time for that.

He got his meds and went to the kitchen taking a cup of water as Janna promptly got herself to sit on the couch with Barko Jr. After taking his meds and sitting on the couch he was about to continue when Janna gestured him to wait.

"Take a breath. You were getting anxious, so take a few minutes. I'll wait."

"We don't have time for this, Janna."

"Then you're gonna have to deal with this alone." She looked at him, her face completely serious, "We made a deal, and I'll make sure you stand your word even against your own wishes."

Marco huffed, dropping himself on the couch "What is this, your crush on me is back?!"

"Hm, kinda. Considering you're the best candidate? Maybe." At his unbelievable stare she smirked "What? You can see me dating Alfonso? Ferguson? Jason?! ugh, no. The girls aren't much better and the hottest take went halfworld away" Janna made a dramatic gesture "So I might as well take care of my last option in case the worst happens."

"Wow, thanks" Marco replied to her in a sarcastic tone.

"You're welcome. Don't worry, once our kid gets my talent and hits big, that will make me meet my true guy. I'll dump you right away."

Marco frowned "I really have no idea if you're serious or not."

"Me neither" Janna replied.

He looked at her in complete confusion and decided to let it go since it wasn't going anywhere. Taking some breaths instead as he watched the clock he was able to feel himself calming down slowly and organizing his own thoughts.

"You had always liked spooked stuff, remember?"

"So what?" Janna said, turning to lay with her feet up, "Does that have to do with anything?"

"Remember the time church used to hunt witches and other beings, but mostly witches?"

"Yeah, many women got killed, they never apologized and all that jazz… Why are you giving me a history lesson?"

"You are a descendant of the Witches…" He frowned "I don't remember quite much clearly yet, but… I remember you found out one ancestor of yours was hunted down, claimed to be a witch and got to escape, you found there actually two types of such thing and used Star magic to… Do something… I can't remember well, but I know you used her magic to make your own flow again from the sleepy state it was in."

Janna sat straight and looked at him in shock "Are you telling me, I'm magic?"

Catching her tone of both disbelief and sassiness, Marco joked back at her "You're a Wizard, Janna."

"I'm a what?"Janna whispered before laughing with him, "Seriously, you're telling me I'm a witch?"

"Pretty much. You used to say the others called you something else because they didn't consider you one of them, but you got it."

Janna stood up and paced slowly in the living room, murmuring to herself as she was making her own conclusions from the information he gave.

"OK, if what you say is true, then there might be a way to awaken what was inside of me. I mean, she didn't destroy the magic, she just erased what existed from her existence, right?"

"I guess? I don't know that much actually. It's just a theory"

"That makes sense," Janna prompted "if she truly had erased every magic or destroyed then that would erase even the ones who weren't involved with her… Like your dog and, well, me."

"You?"

"It's just as you say, if I already had a bit in me, even if too little to make a difference, doesn't change the fact I got it and could try to do again what I did last, if she had went far enough it would have erased the existence of those who have some magic connection in them, me." She pointed out.

"So you think you can do it?"

Janna smirked, grabbing her purse and fishing for her phone as she began to type "Only one way to find out."

It was weird enough how her mother had been hovering over her lately, but having Tom, Ponyhead and Kelly aside every other person around to do the same was becoming maddening.

Star knew she had been sick, whatever her cough was, made everyone worried since they didn't find a solution. It was recurring more and more, if she coughed in front of them there was a desperation to show in their eyes so quickly she had to find out what they were hiding.

The little petal in her hand told her it was a lot more than they let her know.

The doctors have told her if she ever coughs something, she has to go to them immediately, and so her friends often offered to give her a doctor if there was any signal of her cough…

If she wanted to find out what was going on, she couldn't trust either side about the petals in her cough.

Besides they should be busy and worried about something else, she was getting married soon for the sake of her kingdom, they should be trying to find a way out of the war menace.

Just like she should be if she wasn't busy organizing a wedding ceremony she would rather not have anyways.

"Why do we have to make it big?!" She moaned tiredly to her mother.

"You're a princess, simple as that. The people need to know and have security for their new king, the wedding it's not just about tying laces, but also about showing the people you have a ground and know what you're doing, in the fateful decision you're making by marrying this man." Moon replied and put her papers down.

"Can we like, make an agreement, sign stuff and bep bop do? No one is interested in anything else aside from keeping Mewni safe at this point."

Moon turned to her and took a breath, "Is that why you agreed to the marriage?"

"Well, yeah…" the princess replied, turning away from her mother. "It's not like I had many choices anyway."

"I'm really sorry for all of this Star…" her mother replied with a sad voice, "Of all people, I really wish you had the chance to make the choice like I did in my time."

"You're not helping much…" Star observed looking at another stupid list of things to get for a wedding. Why did they need a golden cornucopia?!

"I know… That's why I invited someone that knows about this to talk it out with you."

Turning to her mother, her eyes turned curious "Who did you invite?"

Moon smiled at her, "It's a surprise."

She rolled her eyes and continued to look in her to-do list about what there was to still afford for the ceremony. She couldn't wait until the papers had been over so she could get to…

To what?

Star shook her head and tried to focus again. There was no one for her to meet after that, she had been so sleepless and stressed about things happening that she had been catching herself into errands that didn't exist or lost in corridors trying to find a room that wasn't there.

Maybe she should see a doctor after all.

Marco stood blinking at a board that Janna made with pins, pictures, lists and scribes around and even a red string that connected to a question mark.

"Uh… what am I looking at?"

Janna sighed, "You're looking at the fact that you were right." Crossing her arms she looked away "Damn I was hoping you weren't so on point."

"What does the criminal board have to do with this?"

"This is an investigation board, thank you very much." Janna said and pointed at her notes, "I went around my stuff to figure out the blanks points or odd stuff that I couldn't remember how happened or that the explanation was just plain weird."

Marco frowned at a picture of her and pointed, "What does a picture of you in a pink dress have to do with this?"

Snatching the picture from his hand, Janna followed her notes as if there was never the said picture there, "So there are a lot of those blanks around like, why the heck I have a recipe for cupcakes? I don't even cook, and if I did, I wouldn't be interested in cupcakes!"

Marco looked around the said notes noticing the odd that Janna was mentioning. She was right about most of them, the pictures of scenarios and selfies were not her thing, just like notes on clothing, books, and… that Korean version of Twilight?

"What matters is that you're right. Whatever I had in me or that composed those pictures enough to make me interested, was changed."

He nodded, "and how are you finding proof I was right to help us?"

"It helps because I began to look into my stuff to see if I could find anything else and, BOOM!" Janna shoved her phone in his face.

"A… contact list?" He asked, confused.

"Yep. I went through my contact list, I don't know the majority of these names and some weren't even real numbers like this… Thomas the Train?! Why do I have the number of a toy train to begin with?"

Marco tried to bring her focus back again, "Well, and did you find anything that helped us?"

Janna began to tap her phone again, "Actually, I did!"

Turning the phone to him again Marco was to stare at the eyes on the screen looking right back to him. It was a woman a bit older than them, she was red haired and skin a bit paler than his, her brown eyes blinked at him then she smiled and waved at him from the screen.

"Tami, meet Marco. Marco, this is Tamir LesTrange" Janna said, motioning between them.

"Hello!" Tami said, smiling from the other side.

"Hi…" he replied and looked at Janna, "how exactly is she supposed to help?"

Janna put her phone on his table where the stranger could see them both, "Tami remembers what I can't, or at least most of it. To begin with how we meet and what we are."

"Hey! I thought you said you believed in me saying you were a witch?"

There was a giggle and Marco realized it came from the screen, "There's a difference between believing and fact checking," Tami explained, "she was trying to recover what was lost in the spell of your friend."

"Wait, you remember too?!"

"Kinda" the red haired replied, "your theory of Earth's own magic isn't completely wrong, but also has some fantasies into it. I can remember what is related to me, Janna and the betweens, but if you ask me specifically about that friend of yours, well, I'm afraid I'm not much help." She shrugged embarrassed.

"So, how can you help us then?"

This time Janna replied to him, "Dude, she's a Witch."

Marco blinked twice at Janna and then at the phone before letting a gasped "Whaaat" escape his lips.

"A witch, Marco." The other laughed, "Oh boy, Potter references never get old!" The red haired girl shook her head and continued "I'm one of the natural magic users from Earth, see?"

On a movement with her hands, there was a wave of energy that made some stuff on her desk float before getting down again by another gesture to make it disappear.

He looked at the lady's hands in shock. It was one thing to know magic existed and have memory of it, but to see it was something completely different. To see the proof in a live video of another magic user was… almost unbelievable.

Wow, he gets why the others had trouble believing him.

"OK, Tami, can you explain what you told me before to him?" Janna asked.

"Why don't you say it?" She questioned.

"I forgot already."

With a sigh, the woman on the other side began to speak to Marco. "As I told Janna, your theory is in the right way, but not quite. Our world is about cycles, from the survival and animal one, to life and magic one. So yeah, there are parts of history that magic is stronger and others that are not, but aren't related to seasons, but with world history itself and around."

"World history?"

"Yep!" Tami nodded, "It's one of the biggest and sadly most natural occurrences in humanity, history repeats itself. Kind of like a curse even. People study history to not make the same mistakes, but while they do, the other part is making up and learning that stuff and find themselves agreeing with the past and making their own conclusions to do over again and as a result it happens again."

"That… is awful, is there nothing to do?"

"It's human nature. To find themselves in a group and try to engage into their battles to survive and the goals to fight against the opposition. The only way to stop the cycle would be to put everyone in a stance of ultimate survival: work together or die."

"Like stone age." Janna replied.

Marco shook his head to focus again, they could talk about history lessons later "What does this have to do with the magic?"

"Oh yeah!" The woman said changing her sitting pose "Well, the reason is because once there was a limited or over-limits magic on Earth is pretty simple, the Inquisition and Witch hunting events."

"So the Inquisition was right?"

"Nope." Both women replied and Janna continued, "they did kill a lot of innocents while hunting. Most people dead weren't related to magic even, or didn't even know."

Marco tried to follow their line of thought "Uhh… That means?"

"That means that, whatever your girlfriend did, she can't change history. She at most repressed what was already around. So we can recover the state to what it was and make magic flow around Earth, however I don't know about the portals stuff, that was never knowledge of our world magic."

"We still have to try." He replied determined, ready to get up. "It's the best chance We- I have to."

"Easy there, Romeo." Said Janna pushing him back down to his bed, "So far we gave you the good news."

He sighed, of course it wouldn't be that easy. "Ok, tell me the bad news."

"Well, for beginners…" Janna started, "Thomas the Train it's not the only contact missing. There's a bunch of them, for both me and Tami."

Tami looked at him with a sad smile, "That's true. And while I'm good friends and a mentor to Janna, I'm still a minor witch. In fact, Janna was stronger than I was. I lost contact with the Witches and other creatures more or less around the data your friend had cut the magic flow."

"Did something happen to them?" Marco asked in worry.

"I don't think so." The witch replied "I think they sensed something to come and took the ways to be safe, even if we lost contact with others. They probably left the others safe from consequences out of it, like Wiccas and minor witches, and in Janna's case, an illegitimate Witch."

"Illegitimate witch?" Marco asked his friend.

"Long history to another history and time. Now," Janna said, focusing back on the matter, "the point is, all the people who have better knowledge on Earth magic or how we could make the portal thing work again are out of reach and the others who are left aren't powerful enough to connect to other worlds."

Marco crossed his arms and thought for a while, looking between a magicless-witch Janna and the witch on the phone before an idea struck him again. "What if we reunited you?"

"What?" Both of them asked.

"Alone you can't do much, but… United, maybe we could bring enough power to make a connection, even to another world…" Marco took his magical scissors out of his pocket and showed them "From there I can get to other places until I reach the right one to get to Mewni."

"YOU HAVE AN INTERDIMENSIONAL SCISSOR?!" Tami screamed from the other side of the phone "Damn, you were someone important! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get one of these? A human even?!"

"I have vague memories of it." Marco shrugged, smiling sincerely to her "So, we can get contact with others you girls find and reunite to try to make these work, how about it?" Tami smiled sadly at him again and Marco could already sense the bad news again, but this time it was Janna who let out a sigh as she crossed her arms.

"You think I didn't want to meet her or bring her here for a reason? Would have been a lot easier and better" She pouted.

He looked at Tami questioning in silence what Janna meant, but observing the scenery behind her, more specific about what he thought until then it was a poster until the moment he saw a bird flying there, it dewelled him the reason of why Janna was upset and the bad news.

Marco let out a groan as he hid his face in his hands, to which Tami confirmed in voice what he just concluded, "I'm in Japan."

"And as far as we had been, well, mostly her since they refuse to talk to an illegitimate witch with no powers, most wiccans and witches left are in the same situation. We are scattered around the world" Janna replied.

He let his back fall into the bed and groaned louder. It could not be easy, could it?!

When she was told she had visitors, Star had expected to be one of her friends checking on her again for the fifth time that week, or maybe even a surprise visit from a messenger from her fianceé kingdom with more stuff arranged or to be arranged for the wedding.

She didn't not expected to meet Eclipsa sitting in the garden drinking tea as she waited for her.

"Oh dear!" Eclipsa smiled "There you are! It's so good to see you! Come sit!"

Confused, Star obliged to what the other queen requested, "Hi Eclipsa… I'm sorry I wasn't expecting you."

"Really?" She replied surprised, "Your mother invited me, I thought you do know."

The princess blinked confused, "You were the one she told me about? I didn't know. She just said it was someone I could talk about and it was a surprise."

"Well, she told me about what you had been dealing with and… I can understand. I think from all the people I'm the closest that can understand you, that's probably why she told me to come talk to you."

So that was it. Her mother was still worried, despite her doctor saying she was ok and that she agreed with the meanings behind the wedding. Yes, she was still trying to find a way out of the war menace, but it was more a precaution and safety than anything else. Besides, so far the plan is going very well and… If it came to worse than she had to make sure someone was left to look after what she left.

"I'm fine, really." Star sighed.

"It's natural for a mother to be worried, more so in this case in which the daughter was forced into a decision she wasn't ready or didn't want to take." Eclipsa replied "It's a different situation, but we both had to go with the decision for outside factors."

It was only then that Star was reminded of the fact that Eclipsa was married before Globgor, despite already being with him and having her relationship established. Solaria didn't accept their relationship and arranged her wedding with a prince from a fellow kingdom in hopes that the marriage and kingdom obligation would make Eclipsa forget her forbidden passion for a monster of all people. Star didn't know much details aside from the fact that Globgor broke his promise to never feed himself from human flesh again by consuming Chastican, getting away to have Meteora and get captured shortly after and separated for all those years.

So far, Eclipsa was really the one who could understand the situation the most, even if the reasons for the arranged marriage were different, neither had been out of love, but because the obligations of the crown required so, for the safety of the people. For Eclipsa, because the former queen's prejudice against monsters was so powerful, she took a blind eye to who she put her daughter with. For her, because the war menace was a risk to the whole of Mewni and other possible dimensions and kingdoms Mewni had been in peace, not to count the possible multiverses.

She looked up to Eclipsa again, the queen being patient in Star taking her time to speak if she wished. Eclipsa has always been a kind heart that didn't deserve what happened to her. Star was really glad she was able to help get Eclipsa's happy ending by letting her rule the Monster Castle, which was her rightful place given Globgor once was the king of monsters. Maybe she couldn't fix the time and all that happened, but she could at the very least help.

Besides, it was a great help given that monsters and Mewmans still had much distaste on each other to just live together magically, it needed time to adapt, and so far having the kingdoms nearby with a free pass to both sides was showing to be really helpful. Even those who disliked the idea, at the very least respected the new ways of living… Well, after the battle that is.

Eclipsa also had been kind to them by giving the Crown back and rebuilding Mewni. So now they could rule together and work so both kinds would live and work together, the progress has been promising so far. Both crowns had been working hard to make it possible to unify in the future.

"Do you think…" Star said unsure "Am I doing the right thing?"

Eclipsa thought a bit, "There's no way we can know. For as long as I know you, Star, you have been writing the history your own way, taking what you thought was best by following your heart but taking your mind into it." She smiled at the princess "You proved yourself over and over again, you showed every single one that you can do more than one can imagine and even yourself. When we think you're done, you come with something new and that is what makes you the best queen of us all. Even now, I have no doubt you have something in your mind of how you can make things right and fix, and if you don't have the answers… you're on the way there." She looked into Star's eyes and smiled "Am I wrong?"

For the first time in a long time, Star smiled. Eclipsa had her right, she was trying to find a way to fix things up… But she didn't know the cost of it. And if she were to admit…

"I am scared." Star replied.

"I would think it weird of you not to be. You're about to face something new, but then again, you can always overcome the obstacles given. You and Marco."

Star blinked, her heart racing to the name familiar and dearly but yet new to her. She repeated in a whisper to her lips, she could even see the image of a boy with a red hoodie over his head…

A loud childish laughter distracted her. Both of them looked beyond their table to where Globgor was playing with Meteora and… Since when Eclipsa had another child? Star felt her chest tight and the coughs coming up, but she couldn't take that since the feeling of dread and anxiety had been washing over her. To the memory of her holding the other girl as a newborn baby, to her older brother introducing them, and the images flooding back.

Her head hurt, breathing was hard, and she couldn't even walk in a straight line when she got up abruptly to leave the garden abandoning the worried calls of the other queen. She just had to leave that place. She had to be quiet and think, she had to…

Remember.

She remembers now. The friendship, the love, the heartbreak. Earth, the school, her friends, the time spent between dimensions, the fights and all that came along. She remembers him always by her side and their hands together, she remembers his little sister, who they had promised to let grow with Meteora again, she remembers Diaz, who asked to be called as her parents too, she remembers why the earrings were so important. She remembers Angie telling her goodbye and Rafael holding her close…

She was so stressed up by then she didn't get to think about Mariposa, who wasn't around and didn't get mentioned by them.

She feels the tears on her eyes and coughs some more petals as she falls on her knees. She remembers the sickness and what happened. She remembers why it's so important that the plan works and she gets someone to take care of what's left once she's gone…

Eclipsa steps behind her carefully, and kneels to the ground, trying not to scare her after how she fled the garden. Her hand makes gentle circling motions until Star is calmed enough to speak if she wishes.

"Mariposa…" Is all she can say.

Eclipsa bites her lip and sighs, deciding to say once for all. "As you know, after how well Meteora and her bonded, we agreed with Diaz to have them grow together. The vacations here and school time on Earth… Since me and Globgor were going on the vacation trip early and Mariposa wasn't in school yet, we invited her to come."

Star slowly turned to look at Eclipsa as she continued, still sniffing for what she was about to hear, "That's when they contacted us and told about what was to happen. We spoke to Moon too and… We talked. A lot. So we decided that Mariposa was taken care of by us, and Diaz sent all her material to study, and also things to be remembered by. We thought about moving to Earth or they moving here, but… It didn't solve the problem in the end. Angie said they had Marco to take care after, and they had been parenting once, they would miss Mariposa everyday, but it would be the best. Rafael agreed they couldn't take Meteora away from us to take care of given she had magic, and that we had been apart for so long and we finally had our second chance…"

"So Mariposa is trapped in here."

"Mariposa is growing up with Meteora…" Eclipsa sighed, "She's too young to understand she can't go back to Earth. We have all the stuff from her to know and we're gonna tell her, but…" The queen took a breath, "The Evanescent magic took effect here too… Mariposa doesn't remember anything about Earth aside from what we told her."

Star choked as she started crying harder, she didn't mind to know if the petals were choking her or the tears, believing she deserved at this point. She just tore a family apart and erased a little girl's memory of her own family. Mariposa didn't remember her family back on Earth and by this she could only guess that the portals cutting severed those ties and by that maybe the Diaz couldn't remember her too.

She deserved to suffocate on those petals.

Now that she thought about it, the Diaz were looking into a family album when she left… They weren't looking into her pictures only, but the ones with Mariposa.

"What have I done?!" Star whispered crying in pain "Why no one told me?!"

"Oh dear…" Eclipsa caressed her head "You had already so much… None of us wanted to give you that pain and burden. It was a parenting decision for adults to take, and we did. We didn't want you to take the blame or responsibility."

"What for?!" Star continued to cry "How can I ever forgive myself from separating her from her family, for her losing her memories? for them to lose their daughter?!"

Eclipsa smiled sadly and was about to speak when she saw someone else in the room. Star looked up to see the little girl with brown skin and the cute mole as her brother, those big brown eyes confused looking at them as she slowly approached, her hair a bit longer than she remembered and she looked at Star sad.

"Don't cry…" She said, patting Star's face.

Star smiled sadly, trying her best to not scare Mariposa as she picked her up and hugged tightly, she looked so much after her brother it hurt. She continued to whisper how much she was sorry until she began to calm down.

Eclipsa stayed there supporting Star by staying by her side simply. It didn't miss her eyes the smudged makeup that covered the broken hearts, nor the petals on the floor.

Janna walked into Marco's room letting out a whistle. There were papers all around, his computer open with at least thirty tabs open, there were scribbles, notes, and red strings on the floor, maps, pictures and even other stuff that Janna didn't pay attention to in the middle of her process.

"I understand why you weren't surprised with my board now."

Marco chuckled as he marked something in another note, "I'm the crazy guy, remember? This is organized close to how my mind had been before. I don't like to admit it, but those pills do help."

"Are you taking them, by the way?"

"Yup." Marco took the bottle out his pocket and shook so Janna could see and hear the pills inside before he put back in his pocket, "They are necessary, so I take them. I wish I didn't have to? Yes, but for now I need them and that's it."

Janna clapped to him and Marco rolled his eyes. He knew medicine was important, and took time for him to accept he needed the mental medicine just like any other sick person would need. If they were for the heart he would take them, so why not take them for his brain?

"You said you had news." The former witch replied, trying to step further into the room, "Is this it?"

Marco got up and bit his marker end thinking a bit more into how to voice his thoughts.

"I think I know how to open the portal." Janna stopped in her tracks, not daring to make any movement until he continued "If this place was once connected to Mewni through magic, it means it should be connected again, even if just a little. Might not be enough to create a portal, but the magic is already in both places, Earth is already connected to the magic dimensions as so. We could reunite a number of people to try to gather enough energy for the scissor to work, but even so might not be enough, and focusing them on one place might not help the magic to keep flowing."

His friend decided it was safer to step back and lean on the doorframe, "Ok, so, we need to reunite or not?"

"We need everyone to stay where they are." Marco replies nodding "If you had been scattered all around the world, there might be a reason for it. Tami said that the natural course is that the flow comes back little by little and the other witches and whatever are waiting the time for it, so I thought, 'what if that's it?' you know?" Marco said happily. Janna blinked slowly to him and continued her deadpan stare so he could continue for her to understand. "She cut the unnatural magic, her own and what came with her, the witches might have been influenced by the flow of her magic around, that's why they left."

Janna thought for a second, "Actually, that makes sense. If it wasn't much and suddenly there's a new one around they might have been caught by the new magic too… They could have lost all the magic like I did for mixing it up."

"Like filling a cup of water with orange juice. If you want to get rid of the mix you need to get rid of both." Marco said "And because they had the influence, they couldn't risk to stay. However!" Marco said pointing to a scheme drawing on his wall, "Tami said she and the other left were more natural magicians, that used Earth and natural sources, that's why they are out of risk!"

There was a gasp heard and then a voice replying to him, "It's natural magic!"

The trickster took her phone out of her jacket and showed him her mentor on video call who was clapping and smiling happily. "Well, that explains how I was so oddly and suddenly put in Japan."

"You weren't there before?"

"Nope!" She replied "I made a test to come here, but I was sure to fail because of some missing papers, but then they suddenly were found and approved at the last second." She thought for a second, "I wonder if there are others who have done this too."

"It might if we go by Marco's theory." Janna replied. "Maybe the Elders knew that we could restore the magic flow by ourselves and made a way to scarce us around the globe." She shrugged.

"If that's the case," The boy continued "I thought that if you all used your magic at the same time, it might be enough to get magic on Earth flowing on the levels that it was again."

The red haired woman frowned a bit in worry, "I'm not sure, it might need a lot of people doing it at the same time, and there are the timezones, not to say so far the ones I had contact don't have that much power enough to make our magic connect one point to another to make it flow." She sat back on the chair and crossed her arms thoughtfully.

"Marco, are you really asking us to do that? We would be risking to expose ourselves and be hunted down to death again for what? So you can be with your girlfriend?"

Marco gulped. She had a point, there were many factors to make it harder. to make one witch to pass the magic from a point to another, then that required that some ignored the timezones, and…

And this was the best chance he had to see Star again.

"Yes." He replied "I'm asking you to do this so I can go to her. I will cross every mountain, swim every ocean just to fix what I've broken. If I need to go around the world to talk and ask one by one to agree then I will. This is the best if not the only chance I got to be with her. So yes, I'm being selfish and asking you all to take the risk to restore the Earth magic and I can be with Star again."

There was a moment of silence before a loud squeal and giggling from the phone startled both in the room, "Okay!"

"Okay?!" Both Janna and Marco replied surprised.

"Okay." The witch nodded, grabbing some papers and writing something in them, "I'm a big fan of love, and that confession? That got me. So yeah I'm going to do it. I'll talk to my friends and the ones I got in contact to plan this and will get back to you. Ah! I can't wait to help you two get back together!" Suddenly the woman began to transform the notes she wrote into paper birds and sent them to the window. "I have much work to do, I'll see you later!" With another set of squeals and giggles she hung up.

Both teenagers stood there looking at the phone screen locking it up in shock. It was rather… easy. And that was exactly why Marco wasn't sure if it would work, if there is something he learned about this whole thing is that nothing would come easy to him.

Still, he had high hopes and for that, he grabbed the bracelet that once belonged to her and held it tight, hoping that soon he could give it back, that then he could hold her hand - if she allowed, he had to recognize that he had every right to reject by how things messed up.

"I would love to stay," Janna commented but stopped for a second, "Wait nevermind, I'll stay and look around your stuff to see if I get any other stuff to this mad plan of yours"

"Gee, thanks" Marco shrugged and moved for her to come into his room. "Be my guest. I'll get some air."

"By the smell of this room, you do need it."

He ignored the comment even through his blush. He knew she was just teasing him… right?

He was walking down the corridor when he saw his dog lying in front of the guest door crying. Once he saw Marco, it got up and began to scratch the door asking to be open for him. He was ready to open the door when he touched the handle and suddenly began to hear a song from the other side.

When I wake up, yeah I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you!

He stopped for a moment, he was sure the room wasn't in use for a long time and that there was nothing on the other side of that door. So that could only mean…

When I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you!

Marco opened the door, but instead of looking into the visitor room that was very much like his, he saw a huge room, with an aquarium, stairs, and even a balcony. He stepped into the room with a fond smile on his face as he watched in admiration the figure on the bed jumping and dancing to the song blasting in her speaker.

If I get drunk, Well I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you!

It was another of her times singing super glue songs, she was jumping on her bed as she sang the lyrics, laughing happily as she did so, her golden hair dancing up and down, her bed already a mess from her dancing.

And if I haver, well I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who's haverin' to you!

He couldn't help but smile openly at the memory, it was such a happy and innocent time. She was just there dancing and singing to a good song and enjoying the moment, while he was making nachos down the stairs. She was smiling so brightly and it was such a good memory that made him laugh a bit to see her like that.

There was a noise beside him, she didn't notice because of the song and how distracted he was by the scene, he found himself years young putting down the table some nachos only to lean on the doorframe crossing his arms and watch her performance of happiness.

How he didn't realize by then he was already falling for her? That fond and loving smile and the joy he remembers to feel just to watch her jumping to the song and be happy for a moment… It was enough to make him smile and be happy himself.

He laughed, they were really oblivious.

Star soon took notice of him standing there watching her and motioning to him to get up her bed and join her, he gave an eye roll pretending to be reluctant but joined her more than glad.

"When I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you!"

They began to dance together, both laughing above the bed as they continued to lip sync the song.

"When I'm dreaming, well I know I'm gonna dream, I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you!"

They began to run in circles in the bed, getting dizzy and then switching to another game.

"When I go out, well I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you!"

They began to try to ticklish one to another. Sometimes missing and others getting right making another fit of laughter go up.

"And when I come home, yes I know I'm gonna be, I gonna be the man who's coming home with you"

They both sang together getting louder and louder until they reached the chorus and began to shake their heads, messing up their hair hard as they sang one to another as they jumped in her bed.

"But I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more! Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door!"

The song went on, and Marco grabbed a pillow to hit her, Star laughed, grabbing another to defend and attack him. They stayed like that until the chorus came back again and they sang together breathless.

"But I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more! Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles to fall down at your door!"

They both give a last jump and fall laying down on her bed in a fit of laughter with their belly hurting and red faces from all the energy wasted just for the fun and singing together and having a fun time.

The laughter began to fade in the air as the memory faded and gave place to reality. His dog was laying down on the bed that was just like his, he stepped closer and sat there looking at the bracelet once again.

"I miss her too." he told Barko, embracing the animal and caressing it's fur until he fell asleep.

At the door, Janna looked down at the floor before taking her phone and dialing some numbers. She couldn't let him go on like that, if Marco needed to meet the girl again to get his closure, then he would meet her. Even if she had to ask some favors she had been saving.

"MOON!"

Her name echoed into the room and she flinched, but still took a breath. She should have expected that Eclipsa would find out about what was going on sooner or later, and given she took Star as a granddaughter/nephew it was no surprise she would be furious once she found out about the whole thing and not only what Moon let her know.

"Before you take out your fury on me, take a seat so I can explain…"

"You erased her memories!" Eclipsa slammed her fists on the table, "You took away her memories about the boy she loved!"

"I had my reasons to do so and you would understand if-"

"And she has broken hearts! Her magic is unstable, she's been crying non-stop! Moon, have any idea of what you have done?!"

"I have plenty of ideas of what I did and I did what was best for her!" Moon replied, raising her voice.

Globgor came into the door a bit after being accompanied by River, Glossaryck and Baby. The monster tried to calm down his wife by gently pulling her to sit, but she refused, still staring at Moon like she could punch her, maybe she would.

"What right do you think you have to take away her memories?!"

"It was hurting her far worse than it should!"

"And taking away was the answer?! That's not up to you to decide, Moon! You out of everyone should know this!"

"Sweetie," Globgor tried again, "let's hear what they have to say."

"I did what I had to do to save my daughter, you would have done the same!"

Eclipsa gasped more angrily than before "What harm could the memories of Marco could have caused?!"

"The memories are killing her! From inside out!" From the moment of shock of the other queen, Moon took a breath and looked down, she admitted in defeat the truth about the condition. "Star has the Deadly Flowers."

Eclipsa let out a breath and finally let herself be led by her husband to sit down as he stood beside her holding her hand, now just as worried about the princess' condition as his wife was.

"What stage is it?" The king of monsters asked.

Moon sat down, River coming by her side as her hands massaged her temples, "She was vomiting the flowers weeks ago. We didn't have many options, so…"

Globgor nodded and Eclipsa looked at him confused, as he clearly knew of the sickness better, it wasn't fully disclosed how many monsters fell victim to such sickness. As he explained what the disease was and the cure methods, Eclipsa felt more heartache for the princess that was playing with the two children in her room at the moment.

"So… you took the flowers out?" She asked.

"We did," River replied, "but she seed is placed in her heart so…" He looked down sadly and Globgor continued for him.

"The flowers will continue to bloom over and over again, and quicker every time, until it comes to a point where… There's no way out."

Eclipsa felt her eyes water and held her husband's hand tight, "There must be something we can do! Some potion or-"

"Don't you think I've been trying?" Moon replied looking up with teary eyes, "I sleep every night without knowing if my daughter will be there in the next day, or for how long… And she's about to marry someone she doesn't love because Marco is back on Earth where we cannot reach anymore."

Eclipsa sniffed and stood in silence for a moment with them. It was a serious situation, and if Star had come to pass before the wedding would be even worse.

Even so, she knew she should, but couldn't bring herself to tell them that Star had partially recovered her memories and the flowers are back. Star made her promise not to do so and now she gets why, she's afraid of losing them again and by now… That's all she has left of her happiness back then.

"So we… wait?" Eclipsa said reluctantly.

Moon closed her eyes with River, showing how much pain they have to admit that all they could do was to provide the best they could while they could, but they couldn't afford a cure or miracle to get her rid of her pain and death.

Eclipsa wished for a moment that she could have convinced Diaz to move to Mewni, this could have solved so many things… but they didn't know back then. Even if they did, once Star severed the magic ties, they would have been sent back to the place they belonged, without magic.

But if was like that, then-

"Wait, Star erased her magic back from Earth, then the same happened from here, right?"

"That's right." Glossaryck confirmed.

Eclipsa then looked up a bit more hopeful, "Then how's Mariposa still here?"

It took a moment for the others to understand what she meant, but when they did, the same feeling of a sparkle of hope that got into them.

"That's impossible!" Moon said, still hard-believing "Earth is magicless!"

Globgor got up and turned to them, "Eclipsa has a point, we had been taking care of Mariposa ever since the portals closed. The only thing that changed was that she also lost her memories, she is still affected by the magic, and possibly what happens back on Earth for that to happen."

The Mewni queen got up and turned to the magic guide, "Glossaryck, is it possible?"

The blue creature thought for a moment, "Earth has its own natural magic like all dimensions, but would be very unlike - not to say impossible to make it connected back or flow enough to connect again. It would be necessary to have an incredible amount of magical power to reconnect with their own magic to make it flow enough and then later they do it again for someone from this side to make the connection."

"We didn't have to do that the first time," River complained.

"The ties weren't severed or blocked then. Just out of use" Said Baby. "Besides, Earth has been out of Magic users for many years, and we have no communication now. They would have to make this plan on their own with none of our communication. No one knows about this to make it happen."

Moon was about to try to argue with another solution when Tom and Ponyhead got into the room in a hurry and were screaming with something in their hands. The queen was about to ask for them to calm down and sit when Tom put the device with a point blinking and made her go speechless.

"I don't know how, but somehow, they are up to something!" Tom said.

The others got around Moon to look into the screen and see what they were so amazed about too and felt themselves in shock as much as the teenagers were, but in a good way. Glossaryck groaned rolling his eyes, but smiled still after everyone gave a hopeful laugh.

On the other side of the room, Ponyhead was dancing in the air chanting happily "I cannot believe it! Earth-Turd did it! Earth has magic again!"

_________

This is for now.

On a brighter note, I'm out of the horrible writer block the finale and few other things gave me. That is to say I'm finally writing the final chapters to go.

Thank you again, and onwards to the finale!

PS: we got a discord now if interest anyone :)

A special shout out to @tamiletrange for having my back and also, a special tribute for her in this chapter as Janna’s mentor

@manifisto42 @judytrashcan @thatgirlinspace @ido100 @cid331 @krystalhuntress @mrevaunit42 @luigifan7 @avatarrocks132 @touya-r @dvvkroh @starkiller9903 @oofcorp @ironlightsheep @ironlord-firoh @the-x-files-fan

#svtfoe #svtfoe fanfic #svtfoe ever after #star vs the forces of evil #star vs the force of evil spoilers #starco #fanfic #by me #svtfoe fic #star vs fandom #star butterfly #marco díaz #moon butterfly #river butterfly

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nohoney · 4 years

Text

Tell Me (When You’re Ready) 4.3

warnings: 18+, drug use, polyamory, low key manipulation, toxic relationships

Us Series Masterlist

summary:

You love them.

You’re in love with them.

You’re in love with Keigo.

You’re in love with Touya.

4.1 ✧ 4.2 ✧ 4.3 ✧ 4.4

There were some things that you imagined yourself trying at one point in your life that you figured would just be an experiment, a one-time thing that would probably not happen again as long as you got to do it once. It was simple things like eating an exotic dish you’ve never heard of, something adrenaline pumping like bungee jumping or sky diving, or even exploring your sexuality and seeing if you liked kissing someone of a different gender than yours. Just a little exciting tidbit that would have the people say ‘wow, that’s so interesting of you!’ and just be a quick little topic before moving onto something else. Simple stuff like that, you know?

Sure you figured that you’d explore recreational drugs every once in a while but you never thought you would have main access to them by dating a dealer. And you thought that maybe you’d try having a threesome if the chance came along but you would have never guessed in your life that you’d be engaging in them regularly by being apart of a polyamorous relationship.

You were definitely were having an interesting experience in your life currently.

At most you only dated three boys before Touya and Keigo; one boy from middle school in which the relationship lasted up until he went to a separate high school, a nice guy from your math class that helped tutor you but breaking up just a little before your high school graduation, and then your one college boyfriend who would later get his ass beat by your current boyfriends at a house party for strangling you.

None of those three boys you dated had ever made you consider being in love with them. You liked them a lot to be in a relationship but never developed further enough for you to even think about saying ‘I love you’ to them. It hurt all three times when the relationships ended, the worst one so far being the one before Touya, but you never really experienced a real heartbreak. You were sad when it was over but you never experienced that pit of overwhelming sadness and depression after breaking up with someone that you were madly and deeply in love with.

And if it hurts so bad with just one boy you loved, like some of you friends had said, would it hurt twice as bad with two boys you were in love with?

It’s a question that you don’t want answered.

Sometimes you think about how crushing it would be if Touya and Keigo were to leave you, that even the thought of it makes your heart clench and has you trying to control your own anxiety of all the scenarios that run through your head. It’s why you try to be so good for them, you listen to what they tell you to do, you don’t want to give them a reason to break up with you because you’re pretty certain that you won’t handle it well.

You’ve helped friends through heartbreak before but you’d never experienced it yourself to really understand what they’re going through, just that you see how sad they are and that you know that they can move forward with their life even though they just had their heart broken by someone they loved.

If it were to happen to you, would you really be able to pick yourself up together?

You imagine that the more intense the love was, the more shattering the pain is when the relationship falls apart.

You hate to think about it and in those moments when even thinking about it in theory becomes too much for you, you get desperate to wipe away that imaginary and theoretical pain. So you seek them out, either Touya or Keigo, whoever you find first but having both is always preferable to you and you just want to be as close as possible until you forget all about it. Sitting in their lap, holding hands, just being by their side soothes you but the best method is always sex. Touya shows how he cares mostly through sex with the occasional gentle words and acts of service here and there. Keigo is always caring no matter what but the affection is laid on extra thick when you’re down on all fours for him. In those desperate moments of needing them, you can see the question in their eyes what’s got you acting in such a way but they’d rather take care of what you need first than ask first thing.

It’s after one of those romps where you were feeling a little anxious about a theoretical break up that you hear it from Touya. Keigo massaged your head until he thought for sure you fell asleep while Touya dragged the tips of his fingers along your arm. You laid on your side, curves accentuated and arms tucked close to your chest as you felt yourself drift off to sleep. Just right when you enter your dreamworld you hear a soft whisper from Touya that your mind just barely catches.

“I love you…”

It’s the first time you’ve ever heard him say it.

In the moment when you were about to drift to sleep it was so faint but you remember it so clearly the next morning. You woke up alone in bed but you could hear the boys in the living room with the tv on, sounds of gunfire and cursing at one another tell you that they’re playing a video game together. You snuggle into the pillows and pull the comforter over your body, the faint words of Touya’s confession play over and over in your mind.

Now both of them have said ‘I love you’ and you’ve yet to say it back.

You want to, you definitely want to, but it just doesn’t feel like the right time.

Their confessions play back over in your mind. Keigo’s ‘I love you’ in his kitchen and now Touya’s ‘I love you’ from last night, your heart flutters and you’ve got butterflies in your tummy the more you think about it. And even though you just had sex last night, you clench your legs together at the thought of passionate lovemaking and those three words expressed out loud between the three of you. They’re just on the other side of that wall and you could easily call them to relieve the ache in between your legs.

But you need alone time, the boys are enjoying themselves in the game at the moment.

Your fingers will do just fine, it’s not like you rely specifically on their cocks to get you off every single time. Some alone time is good for yourself, it’s healthy and always a nice opportunity to center yourself. And besides, if you masturbate then you’re pretty much guaranteed an easy orgasm by your own hands versus the boys where they can dangle you on the edge of completion and elation if they felt like it.

So you push the blankets low enough for your comfort and grab your phone on the night stand, already naked since you just got fucked last night. The screen lights up and opens the home screen automatically upon face recognition, you swipe to your photos app and scroll down to the hidden files folder. It contains all the nudes you’ve sent over time to them along with their dick pics and recorded sex videos. You just swipe through photos first, sensual photos that were taken in the reflection of the mirror in the spur of the moment. There’s a pic of you bent over Keigo’s lap and you hold your panties to the side, one of you looking into the lens as you’re on your knees for Touya, and one nude that you took of yourself that wasn’t sent to either of them but you just thought you looked hot as fuck in it.

While you slide through photos, you just get yourself started with some light petting and a little bit of teasing. The boys sound really caught up in their game at the moment but you’re also keeping a lookout if they happen to approach the bedroom door.

Back to the camera roll, this time going through the videos.

Touya’s usually the one that records the videos, aiming the camera down at your body while he plows into your pussy and calls you a dirty whore for the camera. There’s one that’s just a few seconds long of him groping your tits, another one where he’s fingering your pussy and it stops just as you squirt all over him, lots of videos of you going down on him or Touya recording Keigo getting sucked off by you, a few of him eating you out, and the most recent video was the camera set up on nightstand and recorded the three of you having another threesome.

The placement of their hands all over your body, the faces you made as you get cock drunk on blowjobs, the few moments where they almost lose their composure and pull back just in time, fingers in your holes, scratches all over their chests and backs, tongues licking sensitive spots, and ooh… that nasty shot of cum oozing out of you when they were finished.

You try to keep your sounds to a minimum, even the shaky breaths you take may just be a touch too loud and you fear that you’ll be caught.

“One last game, loser has to make breakfast.” Keigo’s muffled voice sounds through the wall.

“Make my eggs sunny side up, yolk runny. You’ll need to know that.” Touya quips back.

One last round for the boys while you finish up on yourself.

You decide to watch a video clip that Keigo recorded, the camera pointed down at your body while he thrust quickly into you. You held your legs up by the back of your knees, tits bouncing with every rough movement and garbled moans that the camera picked up. Even though the volume is to the lowest setting and the video game sounds are loud on the other side, you still worry if they can hear the video. But that’s not the thing to worry about, you need to hasten your efforts before that match is complete and one of the boys comes in to ask how you want your eggs for breakfast.

You like your egg poached on a piece of toast with a nice yummy spread and just a squeeze of lemon.

God breakfast sounds amazing now…

In the video, Keigo’s groping your tits in his hand and the faint recorded voice of him whining for you to cum for him. “Baby bird… my little chicken nugget…”

Pfft, that little nickname still makes you laugh sometimes.

You time yourself along with the video, already recognizing the timing of his hips when he’s just about ready to burst. So you work your hand into overdrive, pussy sopping and leaking onto the bedsheets. The recorded Keigo in the video says he’s almost there… he’s almost there… you’re cumming, you’re cumming!

“Fuuuuck…!” you hiss out into the room, just in time to hear Keigo cheer and Touya curse at him.

“I’m in the mood for egg in a basket, hop to it loser.” Keigo laughs and sounds like he just dodged some type of hit from Touya because the wall rumbles briefly. “Quit being sore about it, I’m gonna go wake (Name) up.”

You pull up the blankets over your body and feign sleep just as Keigo opens the door. The bed dips under his weight and he runs a hand through your hair to wake you up. His fingers are so gentle when he massages your scalp and you purr under the blankets, quietly moaning and whisper that you want more. “You can’t fool me little dove, I know you were playing with yourself. I smelled that sweet pussy as soon as I opened the door. You have fun giving yourself a nut?”

Ah man, so was there no point in hiding it if you were going to get caught?

“I didn’t think you’d find out.” you say as you turn over to face him.

Keigo snickers down at you and dips his hand down beneath the blanket to grab at your breast, his palm warm against your skin. “I was just joking dove but I guess I should have figured that you’re so insatiable that it’s the first thing you want in the morning.”

He tricked you!

“Keigo!” you whine and pull the blankets over your head. You can hear Touya calling you from outside the bedroom and asking what’s going on. Keigo assures him that he just told you a dumb joke and it made you cringe, covering up for you. ‘Our little secret’ he tells you with a wink and helps you out of bed. He hands you your bra that was discarded on the floor last night and a clean pair of your undies in the closet. You’ve got underwear on so you just put on a hoodie to cover up and walk hand in hand with Keigo out the bedroom.

Touya’s busy carving circles into pieces of bread while letting a pan heat on the stovetop, ingredients laid out on the countertop for breakfast. You go to his side to greet him good morning, kissing his cheek and asking what’s for breakfast despite already knowing the answer. You offer your help because you can see that he’s slightly annoyed at having to cook but he insists that he do it on his own.

“Wanna wake and bake?” Keigo asks, holding up a joint and waggling his eyebrows at you. If you hadn’t just given yourself an orgasm then sure you would have, but your head feels a little light and weed won’t remedy that so you decline. And since you don’t want to then neither does he, but then he offers if you want to powder your nose as he pulls out a little baggy with half a gram of coke in it. It would definitely wake you up and it’s honestly a little tempting but you don’t want doing this kind of thing to be a habit so you just say no.

If you told yourself a year ago that you’d be having breakfast with your two boyfriends who offer cocaine as an appetizer for breakfast, the you from before would tell you to stop fucking around.

Touya and Keigo take small bumps, sharp inhales of powder and they both let out a satisfied ‘ahh’ that it almost makes you feel left out. But you stay strong and tell yourself ‘No, I don’t need to do a bump to get myself started for the day.’ You sit in Keigo’s lap as he recounts the video game he and Touya were playing earlier together, boasting about his wins while Touya curses at him from the kitchen. The smell of eggs frying is in the air and your tummy rumbles in anticipation of breakfast. “Let’s feed our little princess here soon.”

You love them.

You love being with them, devoting most of your free time to Touya and Keigo because they always wanted you around, they needed you around them because they didn’t trust that you’d be safe anywhere else. But with spending so much time with them, aside from your courses and your job, you’ve downplayed your time with your friends who you haven’t seen for a while. You still text them back and forth here and there, some of them more in contact with you than others, but it’s been such a long time since you’ve hung out with at least one of them.

Speaking of which…

The three of you dig into breakfast together, crunches of toast and yolk dripping onto the dinner plates as you dig your fork into it, and you wonder how you’ll ask them. You contemplate the method you’ll ask if you can see one of your friends, just one that’s a girl that they’ve met before, just a small little catch up because she moved into a new place and just wants to have you over for a bit. Keigo pushes a cup of orange juice towards you and tells you to drink, a healthy beverage to start your day and you flash him a small smile in thanks.

After breakfast is over, you sit on the countertop and idly swing your legs as the boys clean up together. You’re scrolling through your phone and a text notification pop up from your friend and asks when you’ll be arriving. You tell her that you’re ‘figuring out your schedule’ because it sounds better than ‘let me ask my boyfriends if they’ll let me go’. It’s just a simple hangout with just one person but they’ve grown accustomed to you never really straying from them. They feel better knowing that it’s just you with them.

“Something on your mind dove? You look like you’re thinking about something.”

Your attention is snapped up to them, turquoise and gold set on you.

You carefully place your phone down on the countertop with the screen facing up to show that you have nothing to hide… you shouldn’t act so apprehensive, you really are doing nothing wrong. All this anxiety coursing through you, it shouldn’t be necessary for you to feel this way when all you’re going to do is just ask, “Can I hang out with one of my friends today?”

━━━━✧

It took some begging but Touya allowed you to go be with your friend after assuring him that it was just going to be a little catch up with her and that it wouldn’t extend to anything else. He was only going to allow you out for only two hours at most but Keigo managed to convince him to let you be out for another hour but all on the promise that you would not be a second late coming home. You were grateful because you didn’t think that you’d be able to convince Touya yourself to extend your time out without Keigo’s help.

It’s not controlling, they just want to make sure that you don’t lose track of time and that you come back home in time.

You convinced yourself that as you stand at the kitchen island with your friend Yumi. She just moved into this new house with a few other girls, introducing you to some of the roommates that were home and expressing her excitement to see you after such a long time. She points out how you used to be able to divide up your time between your schoolwork, your job, and friends but that she’s happy that you’re happy. Still, she laments how much she misses spending time with you and that your boyfriends should let you out every so often.

Boyfriends.

Everyone who’s apart of a certain scene on the campus knows that you’re pretty much dating Touya and Keigo together. It’s not as if you try to hide it or that you even tried to in the first place, not since that first roll with Keigo at that fateful house party. There was nothing low key about it either, you literally hold hands and kiss them both in public while they also reciprocate their own displays of affection towards you as well.

“They treat you good, right?” Yumi asks as she pushes a glass of water towards you.

Of course they do, they’ve given you nothing but their adoration for you and you were grateful to be with two people who cared and loved you so much.

She comments on the dress you decided to wear, telling you how nice it looks on you but that she never imagined it would be something you would wear. It’s a nice little dress with the sleeves rolled up to your forearms in your favorite color and paired with a nice pair of shoes. Yumi’s right to say that it’s a style that you never wore before, but Touya and Keigo have changed your wardrobe a little bit with pieces similar to what you were wearing at the moment. It made them look at you, it made them happy to see you wear what they gifted you, and they’re happy that you wear it just for them.

“Ow! Excuse you…” you’re bumped up against the kitchen island briefly, looking back at some girl that passed behind you just to get a glass from a cabinet. Yumi asks if she’s okay but the girl gives clipped answers with a hard gaze directed at you as if you spat in her face. She’s glowering at you as she walks out the kitchen and letting out a not so subtle huff as she leaves. You rub at your hip, it throbs a little from the impact but nothing that’s too bothersome and look uneasily at the entryway to the kitchen. “She did that on purpose…”

“I’m so sorry (Name), that’s my roommate Mai. I have no idea why she did that. I know she’s been in a shitty mood for the past week but she won’t say what for.” Yumi look apologetically at you and promises that she’ll talk to her roommate later.

“Shitty mood or not, she’s acting like I did something to her…”

What did I do to deserve that?

It dampens your mood a little bit but Yumi apparently has the perfect ‘pick me up’ as she pulls a little baggy from her pocket.

A little line would definitely up your mood right now and you know it’s from Touya, Yumi almost strictly buys from him.

It calls to you as you stare at the little baggy, wanting to crush and break down the rocks yourself until it’s a fine powder. Touya’s coke always goes in so smoothly when you break it down, doesn’t burn at all as you inhale the powder and will get you going. Funny how you declined a morning bump with the boys but with your friend you consider taking a line with her instead. Being on together gets the two of you talking and have fun, makes you more energetic and playful.

You’re tempted to tell her to break down a rock but you wonder if Touya will be okay if you just do a line or two.

It’s from Touya so you know it’s good.

You’re a grown girl, if you want to take a line then just do it.

You wonder if he’ll get mad when you tell him later on, already knowing that you can’t hide anything from Touya especially if you’re on. He’ll know instantly when you come back, probably will get mad that you didn’t let him know right away. But you don’t want to look stupid by needing to ask your boyfriend if you can take a line or two, or just a little bump.

You want a line.

You don’t want Touya to be mad at you.

Maybe just a bump…

He’ll still know no matter how little you take.

“(Name)? Want a line?”

It shouldn’t scare you so much to do this, there were plenty of times Keigo and Touya came to you already on something without letting you know so why shouldn’t you?

Don’t use that… you know what happened last time you used the ‘you do it so why shouldn’t I’ argument.

You already pushed Touya’s buttons asking to hang out with Yumi, you don’t want to put him in an even worse mood… But it looks so good in the little baggy, so enticing and you know it will put you in a better mood after that Mai girl gave you that attitude for no reason. Keigo would most likely back you up if you explained yourself to the both of them.

You love being a good girl for them but there’s no harm in being a little bad every once in a while.

“Okay, make me a line.”

Four lines later and you’re back home in exactly three hours like promised. But when you push your key into the lock, you can hear Touya’s frustrated voice on the other side and you’re nervous. If you had known that he was going to be in a bad mood coming back then you definitely would not have done those lines. You open the door and slip off your shoes, carefully treading into the apartment and see Touya in the kitchen leaning against the countertop with his phone by his ear. He stands up sharply and walks to you and you think that he knows and brace yourself for a tongue lashing.

Instead he pecks your cheek and puts on his shoes to go outside, the last words you catch from him before he shuts the door are, “Little fucking cunt…”

Keigo sits on the couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table and he’s just scrolling through his phone before looking up at you and smiling. “Ah songbird, welcome back! How was visiting Yumi? You ladies have a good time?”

You hum nonchalantly and curl into Keigo’s side, his arm around your waist and also pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Was fun, yeah. It was fun catching up, I didn’t realize how long it’d been since I’d last seen her.” you tell him and look at the screen of Keigo’s phone, photos and videos shared and posted by online friends and pages he follows. “Her house is throwing a party next weekend, she invited all of us.”

Actually she just invited you since she doesn’t see much of you anymore, but of course she tacked on at the end, “Your boys can come too if they want, but I’d like to just steal you away for one night if I can.”

The chances of them letting you go to a party by yourself a pretty slim. Touya hasn’t trusted you to go to a party by yourself, not since the LSD incident. He also loosely uses that first house party incident when you locked yourself in that room and mixed coke and ecstasy after you and him had that fight. He still uses those instances against you even though it’s been so long since then, makes you feel guilty for not being more careful and making him worry.

“We’ll see how Touya feels, alright songbird?”

“Okay… why’s Touya so mad on the phone?” you dare to ask, thinking about the frustrated way his eyebrows were knit and how his jaw was clenched when you walked through the door. “Did something happen?”

“It’s nothing important dove, it’s Touya’s issue to deal with so just let him handle it. Now c’mon, tell me more about your visit with Yumi. What did you talk about? You girls do anything special?” Keigo’s trying to distract you from whatever it was Touya was talking about on the phone. You have some weird gut feeling about it but you know better than to ask, lest you want Touya to bare his teeth at you.

When you look at Keigo, he’s got an expectant look in his eyes and you know that you’re caught. There’s no point in lying to him either, he can see it in your eyes. It was just a few lines, no harm and they’re from Touya. He should understand though, right?

You tell him.

“(Name)…”

Oh no, not songbird or dove or baby bird.

Your name.

“What? It was from Touya, Yumi doesn’t buy from anyone else except from him. It wasn’t a lot, it was just four lines.” you defend yourself but you have to control the shake in your hands as you sit away from him. The anxiety from getting in trouble with either of them doesn’t sit well with you but you’re not sorry for what you did. You had a good reason and you were with someone you trusted, nothing wrong happened. And yet you still feel Touya’s impending wrath even though he knows nothing just yet. “It’s not a big deal.”

Keigo begs to differ, of course he does because him and Touya think almost alike. “That’s not the point, you know how he feels about you taking anything without him being there. You know that and you decided to be bad instead.”

“It was from Touya!”

“I’m not arguing with you, you know what you can and can’t do when we’re not around. We let you be with your friend and you decide to take mile when we gave you an inch. Once Touya comes back he’s going to know you’re on, you know you can’t hide that kind of thing from him.” Keigo sighs. His own brows are knitted in frustration, he’s not exactly happy to get you in trouble but with Touya in a bad mood already from that phone call and you sniffing lines behind their back, there’s not much he can do from his end.

“Keigo!” you whine to him, now genuinely anxious to get in trouble. “Please, you know I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“If it were just me then yes dove, I would let it go. But you know how Touya is so you should know better.” Keigo runs a hand through his hair and struggles to look at you. “Can you at least tell me why you did it?”

Okay it sounds stupid coming out of your mouth but you tell him, “Because a girl was being mean to me for no reason!”

How much more petulant can you sound right now?

“Really dove? Because a girl was mean to you?” Keigo half-laughs, unbelieving of the reason you gave him. “What did she do?”

She just kept on acting as if you were a nuisance, like you did something to her even though you had never met this girl in your life before. That one line ended up becoming four because that Mai girl returned several times with that same mean stare and some snippy comments when you haven’t done anything wrong to her. She even had the audacity to bump into your shoulder one last time just right before you left. “I never even met this Mai girl before, never seen her before ever in my life and she’s acting like I stole her boyfriend or something.”

Keigo looks at you and bites his bottom lip that’s paired with a worried brow.

He knows something.

You can see it in those golden honey eyes.

You have to know.

“Is Mai someone you know? You know something Keigo, don’t hide anything from me.”

“I shouldn’t baby bird, it’s not your concern.”

Oh no, he’s not getting out of this so you press him harder. You let them get away with keeping certain secrets away from you, you’ve accepted that some things really shouldn’t be to your knowledge. But with this random girl that has a vendetta against you then you have to know exactly what connection there is between the two of you. You grow frustrated as Keigo stands his ground and swears that he’s not going to tell you anything, anger blooming in your chest and you just want to lash out at him. But yelling at Keigo won’t be effective, you know it won’t be, so you settle for something that you know will break him; you start to cry.

Keigo is all over you in a second, bringing you into his arms and trying to hush you.

You put on a good performance, squeezing tears out your eyes the best you can and hiccuping that he’s lying to you about something.

He hates being called a liar.

“I’m not lying to you dove, I’m not! It’s just not that important for you to know.” he insists but you can see the crease in his brow that he’s going to give in.

You cough a little and wipe at your tears, pouting your bottom lip at him. “So you literally don’t care that this girl is being mean to me? You’d rather defend her integrity than give a fuck about me? Your girlfriend?”

Damn look at you, you deserve a fucking award.

Keigo’s cracking, you can see it, just a little more nudging…

“You think I’m stupid or something? Who is she Keigo? What, one of Touya’s whores?”

He sucks air between his teeth. “… She used to be.”

Whoa… what?

You’re taken aback by the admission.

“Huh?”

Keigo wipes away the tear stains on your cheeks, his thumb gentle just underneath the skin of your eye and he holds your cheek in the palm of his hand. “Touya dumped one of his whores just a week ago, a girl on campus named Mai. I’ve seen her a few times but nothing more than that. The person that he’s on the phone with, it’s her. She’s kind of been harassing him ever since he dropped her, she’s not taking it well but he’s been trying to hide it from you.”

Wow… Touya finally dropped one of his whores after a year with you. And what were the chances that you finally met one that happens to room with your friend, especially the one that he just most recently dropped?

A normal person would have obviously not tolerated that kind of thing and ended it way before then.

But you’re not in a normal relationship.

“He… He really did that?” you’re astonished as you wipe your cheeks to ensure there are no leftover tear stains.

Keigo pets a hand through your hair and gives you a reassuring smile. “I told you that you’re his priority dove. He’s choosing you, he loves you.”

He loves you.

Touya loves you.

“But I’ve never even met her before, how does she even know me?”

“Come on dove, you know that this isn’t a secret. People know how we pull up to parties together or even see us walking down the street. I’m just surprised that you’re finally meeting one of them after all this time and she just happens to roommate with your friend.” Keigo chuckles as he hugs you in his arms, a happy smile on his face that reflects your own. He’s happy to see you happy, happy to see Touya making a big step in the relationship.

“It’s weird though, a year together and I finally meet one of the whores. Well I guess ex-whore now. Isn’t that crazy?”

Keigo decides to keep quiet how Touya made it clear to the other girls a long time ago that they were not to ever approach you. You were already dealing with insecurities of just knowing about them in the relationship, the last thing you needed was to actually know their identities. As messed up as it was, Touya is not against fucking anyone up when it came to you and that included the whores. And each of them knew to heed his warning, he was not to be trifled with. Yet here’s one of them now, the mere coincidence of you meeting one, when Touya intended to just quietly drop them without ever letting you know.

“He loves you dove.” Keigo takes your hand in his, his thumb gently brushing over your knuckles. “We love you.”

Your heart flutters.

You love them.

You’re in love with them.

You’re in love with Keigo.

You’re in love with Touya.

You want to tell them, you want to say it, you almost said it to Touya one night but you had passed out from cumming too hard. You wanted to say it to Keigo but it didn’t feel right to say it to only one of them first and then the other second. So you resolved to find the right time to say it to the both of them at the same time. And you figure after you say it, there will be plenty of times they’ll get singular ‘I love you’s when either of them are alone with you.

Touya walks through the door, a frustrated sigh leaving his lips as he slips off his shoes and makes his way towards you. “Everything okay babe?” you ask, trying to act innocent and unknowing of the real reason why Touya was on the phone and exited the apartment.

“Yeah, things are fine doll.” Touya answers as he leans down to kiss your cheek. But as he retreats back, it only takes a second for him to look into your eyes and he knows. He grabs your chin and makes you look straight at him, his gaze a little hard because you can see that he’s still irritated. “You’re on right now?”

Well it’s time to face the music.

“I fixed her a big line while you were out, said that she was kinda tired still from last night and needed to wake up.” Keigo jumps in before you even get the chance to say anything, his hand on your knee squeezing to let you know he’s got you.

Keigo is such a big softie for you, you knew he couldn’t stand to see you get in trouble with Touya.

So you play along and bat your lashes up at Touya. “Is that okay with you?”

“Of course doll, it’s our home.” Touya pulls a pack of cigarettes from his pocket along with a lighter, tells you he’s gonna have a smoke on the balcony. Keigo decides to join him, giving you a sly little wink as they both open the sliding door and step outside.

You lean into the couch and put on a movie to drown out their talking, giving them some privacy but you pay more attention to them as they light their cigarettes and easily blow out billows of smoke.

It may have taken a year but Touya finally got rid of one of the whores, whether or not she’s still buy from him is none of your concern. He’ll eventually dwindle the list down until it really is only you, and you look forward to when that day will finally come. And even though Keigo had only joined the relationship at the half way point for you and Touya, you’re so grateful that he came into it and helped you through all your hangup and insecurities whenever you weren’t feeling the best with Touya.

They’ve taken care of you, protected you, they know what’s best for you, you can’t function without them. You’d turn a blind eye to almost anything if they told you to, whatever they want to stay theirs.

You’re all they have and they’re all yours.

I love them.

#dabi x reader #todoroki touya x reader #takami keigo x reader #takami x reader #dabi #takami keigo #bnha x reader #bnha #tw drugs #tw toxic relationship #us series

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tsuki-sennin · 2 years

Text

Welcome to Episode 37 of Kamen Rider Revice~! Or as I call it, "Kamen Rider Live Gets His Cheeks Clapped - Episode 7". So uh... Kinoshita, when you gonna give Daiji his due? I'm waiting~!

For now though... Spoilers, I guess...

-They just gave Tamaki a headband, I'm :sob:

-Wow, they're really multiplying.

-We're really

-Oh, Akaishi's alive! Yay~!

-"Have you ever heard of our lord and savior Gifu-sama? He gave me a res and said 'Hide-chan... in times of sadness, at the lowest points in your life, where you could not see my footprints in the sand... it was because I carried you.' Anyways, we're cancelling Kamen Rider Revice and replacing it with me doing cool skateboard tricks in honor of Gifu-sama~!"

-Ah, so it's not like a weird anti-vaxxer thing, it's just like... DNA gathering.

-"We did it, Daiji-kun. We successfully scared all of humanity. :)"

-Ohhhhh, there's a maximum. Thaaaat's concerning.

-Daiji, you really need to go apeshit.

-How was your Weekend~?

-Ehhhhhhhhhhh, like, I'm trying not to read too much into something that could've just as likely been totally unintentional, but Kinoshita's on Twitter and there's an extreme excess of stupid and horrible people on there.

-Ah, yep, Akemi-san's hint.

-"Daiji, you're really jobbing right now."

-Just standing back and letting things play out isn't gonna do a damn thing, Daiji.

-Oh there he is...

-So, George thought his dad was dead his whole time.

-Ohhhhhhhhhh, that's harsh.

-Giffdemos. Our target.

-Ahhhhh, we freezin'?

-Barid Rex? Ohhhhh, we increased its freezy power~! Epic.

-Oh great, demons...

-Yeah, good luck Sakura.

-Daiji... hurts to watch, not gonna lie.

-Hello,

-Ergh... I absolutely do not want creepy-ass Akaishi as my stepbrother.

-Oh yep, there she is. Akemi-san, and the Super Giffterian or whatever it's called.

-Yeah, Sakura's got that guy.

-Ohhhh, regens.

-"Most impressive, George. All we need now is for the Igarashi children to-"

-"Shut up Daddy, it's time for backstory."

-All of George's sinister moments are traced back to his crippling daddy issues.

-...quite relatable, to be honest.

-Ohhhhhh, he's got Shroud face!

-Ohhhhhhhh, Daiji's mad!

-Oh finally, Hikaru has another character trait. It ain't much, but hey, at least his brazen overconfidence is something. Hana's definitely not amused, so at least there's room for debate.

-Ah, fnally,

-Ohhhhh, Gifu's own essence.

-"Heeeeey, Akemi-san, do you wanna come back?"

-Ahhhh, finally, more space.

-Yeah, you're worried, huh Akaishi?

-Yoooo, Ikki, it's about time to Bari-Bari~!

-Ayyyyy! ...I assume Volcano works just the same though, right?

-#NiceGeorge

-btw, I saw somebody somewhere complain about Aguilera's knifey thingies being repaints of Ichigo Arms's kunai? And like... yeah? Sure, it might be lazy, but are you really jonesing for Ichigo Arms to come back? They can just make new ones!

-Oh cool, Hikaru can Genomix. Epic.

-And he also can't count! Epic!

-Wow, he's working Daiji to death.

-Oh no, misunderstanding.

-I thought those were suspiciously light in Donbrothers so far.

-Oh shit, Sakura lost!

-"Bye bye, Akemi~!"

-Nooooo... we're losing her!

-Aaaaaand, he's here!

-Be a real man, Dai-chan!

-...please don't misinterpret this in the worst way possible.

-OHHHH!

-Hiromicchi's here!

-Hiromi-san... things are bad, man.

-I'll probably watch Dear Gaga Part 2 later, on my own time.

-Fuck, dude... I think I'm mostly just getting really sad whenever I watch Revice now lol

-I love the new suits tho, holy fuck.

-This show, i stg

-Uhhh... I guess I'll see you next week.

#kamen rider #kr revice #kamen rider revice #revice spoilers #revive the vice: imprinted like stamps and fossils #NiceGeorge

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thegeminisage · 4 years

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what do you think are some of the biggest pieces of evidence for cas being ace? i've watched so much of the show in the past month that it all blurs together, lol, so i can't remember many specific scenes. i do remember "i'm utterly indifferent to sexual orientation" (though that wasn't about his own orientation) and cas' discomfort at idea of sleeping with women at the bordello in 5.03... anything else you can think of? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts!

rubs my hands together okay a List yeah i can do a list

wait actually first i wanna say that the biggest reason is because i’m asexual and i said so 0:) like i know that sounds a joke and it is a little bit but SERIOUSLY it’s just a general Aura or what the fuck ever about people. you know how sometimes a friend group formed in teenage years will one by one realize they’re all queers and they just grouped together organically? ace people are like that too. many of my closest friends have been aspec and i didnt even know that when i met them, THEY didn’t even know. but like if you asked me to list the ten people i was closest to over my life the huge majority would be aspec like me. we find each other In The Wild. so when i say he’s ace because i said so like i’m saying I’m Ace And I Can See Him. He Is Ace Because I Said So. my ace-dar is EXCELLENT

okay anyway with that out of the way here’s your actual list. obviously much of this can be a point in favor of many different readings of cas (and i’m not saying those can’t be true at the same time as ace cas!), but i’m ace and he’s ace and that’s what this post is about so i’m focusing on the ace parts. thank you.

list of ace cas evidence:

in general cas has a lot of trouble connecting with humanity at first which is an ENORMOUS ace mood

when dean cracks in the 4.01 deleted scene “yeah i have that problem with women” (after cas talks about the difficult in finding a vessel that can contain him) cas absolutely does not get that joke. we were having ace cas moments right from the get-go

it’s shown as early as 4.02 that cas doesn’t understand personal space. this is him not getting one single thing about human intimacy works and that he’s overstepping a boundary. it’s not just that he’s an angel (though that’s some of it) he just doesn’t intuitively understand physical stuff like that

that dean/anna kiss in 4.10. LOOK AT HIS FACE. that’s a face that says “i had no idea this is how humans were intimate with each other” and also “do i want to try that?” answer: maybe. dean’s very pretty. but something about it just feels like he’s going “whoa i never even CONSIDERED that” - like that to be sexy with the humans he’s into just didn’t occur to him

i know you said so already but WOW 5.03 brothel scene. THEEE ace cas moment

i’d also like to take a moment to tip my hat to 5.04. almost every aspec will have had a period of frustration and self-loathing where they thought at least once about maybe just having sex they weren’t into as a way to be “fixed” or to prove something. when aspecs are at their lowest and most broken, they are having sex they do not want to have. and when cas is at his lowest and most broken (in 5.04 AND 9.03, thank you), what is he doing? having sex! it’s just Interesting to me that the only times cas fucks is when he’s literally in the absolute worst points in his entire life

also, i’m getting out of order here, but that thing in 9.03 was absolutely rape. the way he talked about it after was THEEE most comphet bullshit i’ve ever seen. “that was nice.” “she was...sooo hot.” dean winchester can’t fool me and neither can cas thee tiel.

i know everyone was uncomfortable with the cherub in 5.14 but cas was SUPER uncomfortable. “no one likes it” yeah that’s cause he’s not a big touchy-feely dude

i actually really hate that porn scene in 6.10, but it is a classic “i don’t get it” moment + a side of “monkey see monkey do” later when he decides to mimic it and kiss meg. she started it - he’s just going “oh yeah i remember watching that on TV - like this, right?” he’s pleased with himself for correctly mastering a form of human interaction, he’s not, like, horny.

didn’t get the erectile dysfunction joke in 6.19

obviously, godstiel’s utter indifference to sexual orientation

strongly implied to be in a chaste marriage with his “wife” daphne when he was an amesniac

being repeatedly lobotomized in season 8 is its own can of worms. they were trying to make him straight. alas, it cannot be done

meg propositions him in season 8 and it takes him a bit to catch on. i don’t think accepting means he’s not ace, just that he’s interested in stuff humans do. would have been nice for his first time not to be with a psycho reaper who got him to trade his virginity for a pb&j :/

cas seemed REALLY nervous at the prospect of the date in 9.06, almost like it was something he had to steel himself to do - yet another weird part of human life he was resigning himself to, especially after metatron told him “go find a wife and have some babies” when his grace was taken

cas in season 10 is UTTERLY oblivious to hannah’s advances, even the ones that include nudity (and his own nudity at one point lol), and when he finally catches on he lets her down in the most awkward way possible

in season 11 he says he’s gonna take dean’s temperature and doesn’t see how that’s weird lol

he never got to truly speak to dean about his weird “””attraction””” to amara but i like to think he would have been equally confused

in season 12 in the hotel room where an orgy had clearly just taken place dean snickers and picks up the panties but cas is totally oblivious

ALSO completely oblivious when the waitress hits on him in season 12

this is a little bit of a stretch, but despite being named as jack’s “real” father, his relationship with kelly, his ostensible baby mama by proxy, seemed INCREDIBLY platonic to me. like they were such good buds! but he never had any of that romantic chemistry with her - there were no lingering notes or touches or whatever. he just wasn’t interested in that same way.

exasperated with gabriel and talking about porn stars in season 13 lol

canonically, castiel spent seasons 4-?? falling in love with dean, but he never made a move on him physically - yeah yeah the CW is homophobic but i like to think that most of castiel’s Urges where dean is involved are not in fact of a sexual nature. he wants to be close to him and important to him more than he wants to fuck him. you can long for someone in the ace way without longing for them sexually yk

this is part of why i actually really liked the 15.18 confession - the happiness was in the being, or whatever. he was already WITH dean in almost every way that mattered (i wrote a fic about this). they shared secrets, they shared burdens, they lived together, they fought and worked together, they even raised a fucking kid together! cas was convinced he couldn’t have more than that but also he didn’t really NEED much more than that and thinking about how he had been with dean all along was what made him happy enough to literally die. yeah there’s a version of that scene where the reciprocation was enough to do it but they accidentally hacked it into an ace love scene so i will TAKE it

this concludes my list! i bet it’s a lot longer than u were expecting

[spn masterpost]

edit: a few updates

#liz answers asks #anonymous #liz watches spn #liz's meta #liz's spn stuff #ace cas #long post #i'm sure there are more examples from s15 that i just...forgot...bc i only watched it once #and i can't bring myself to do it again lol

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thebluelemontree · 4 years

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I know GRRM has previously stated that ADwD!Tyrion is at his lowest point, but I find it very hard to see how he will ever redeem himself given what he has done and what he has participated in. Do you believe readers gloss over the tragedies he faces i.e. slavery, the Tysha revelation, and do you see path for redemption?

I think with the fandom in general there does seem to be a proportional relationship to the amount of careful consideration people give their problematic favs versus how little they give to a character that is decidedly not their fav. Full disclosure: Tyrion is not one of my favs. There are moments I don’t like him and I don’t personally connect with him. He’s deliberately written to be someone most readers will wrestle with. Out of all the POVs, he’s probably the most psychologically complex and fraught with a minefield of trauma-induced hot buttons. As we know, profound trauma and horrific family dynamics rarely produce saintly victims who suffer beautifully, quietly, and always behave magnanimously. I am by no means an expert on Tyrion; however, I do know he definitely started out as a good person. Early AGOT Tyrion is a pretty decent fellow who validated Jon’s feelings of anger and resentment and designed a saddle to accommodate Bran’s disability for no other reason than he just empathized with them both. Even later on, he does stand up for Sansa against Joffrey’s cruelty, even though their marriage was a miserable farce and act of war against her family. Sansa seems to bear no personal ill-will toward him despite it. I think we should leave room for the possibility the impression he made with small kindnesses in the beginning could come back around to foster peace and mutual forgiveness between the Starks and Lannisters toward the end.

But before that he was a sweet, loving kid until he was brutally disabused of the notion that anyone could possibly love him. I can’t imagine anything worse than your own father violently raping by proxy two innocent kids for the crime of his son being happy and believing for one single second that he was loved for himself. He’s experienced a lifetime of continuous physical, sexual, mental, and verbal abuse on top of ableist bigotry and repeated scapegoating that nearly cost him his life more than once. For all his dark gray, unlikable moments, it’s actually kind of a miracle that Tyrion still retains what goodness he does have when he could have been totally fucked up beyond repair, without any pity or compassion left in him, and hating all of humanity with every fiber of his being.

GRRM does a good job of delivering blow after intensifying blow leading up to the moment he snaps and murders Tywin and Shae.There’s the overwhelming stress of the trial for the regicide he was framed for, one where his guilt and conviction is a foregone conclusion. The public humiliation and betrayal of Shae’s false testimony where his sexuality is served up for mockery. The people of KL are literally bloodthirsty and cheering for his death. There’s the momentary hope and crushing defeat of Oberyn Martell championing him in the trial by combat. Then finally Jaime drops the Tysha bomb. I mean, wow... it’s a lot. It’s totally understandable why he goes to the Hand’s tower to confront his father instead of escaping immediately. Personally, I don’t think he has to be sorry about killing Tywin at all. That pile of excrement had it coming and deserved a painful, ignoble death on the shitter at minimum. Shae is the only one there that has enough mitigating factors to say she definitely didn’t deserve to be strangled to death, though I get how it happened in the heat of the moment under intense mental duress. I think he needs to atone for that one, and I say that as someone who thinks Shae is a callous, conniving, greedy, low-level bloodsucker without any redeeming qualities. Yet, killing either of them, especially Tywin, didn’t bring Tyrion any peace or satisfaction whatsoever. Kinslaying is still up there with the most cursed of transgressions. It’s major part of his spiral into the tormented abyss we see in ADWD.

It’s been a long time since I read ADWD as it’s not my favorite part of the series, so my memory of all the details is not the best. And like I said, I am not an expert on Tyrion. The general impression I get is that Tyrion thinks that he thinks he hates humanity and he’s finally become the monster everyone believed him to be. So he rages against practically everything and everyone. He certainly harbors a hatred for the people of KL and the sister sitting on the throne. There is a high probability he acts upon those feelings and helps usher in a catastrophic tragedy out of vengeance. Just as an example, he is aware of the wildfire cache sitting under KL and that knowledge can be used in a really bad way. Might be that crossing a point of no return, which may feel glorious in the moment, is ironically the thing that causes him to recoil in horror and regret after the dust settles. Consider Tyrion’s dream about the duality of himself:

That night Tyrion Lannister dreamed of a battle that turned the hills of Westeros as red as blood. He was in the midst of it, dealing death with an axe as big as he was, fighting side by side with Barristan the Bold and Bittersteel as dragons wheeled across the sky above them. In the dream he had two heads, both noseless. His father led the enemy, so he slew him once again. Then he killed his brother, Jaime, hacking at his face until it was a red ruin, laughing every time he struck a blow. Only when the fight was finished did he realize that his second head was weeping.

If the two heads are both noseless, then they are both present day Tyrion. There are two sides of him right now that are equally capable of reveling in bloody vengeance and weeping for someone he still loves even though they wounded him deeply.

Then what? Well, the thing about hitting your lowest point is that you can either dwell there until you fatally self-destruct or you can find your way back up. Granted, ADWD Tyrion is in a dark place, but there’s still space to get even darker for at least a little while in TWOW. It is possible Tyrion spends the rest of his life atoning for his worst actions during this period, using his intellectual gifts (even the parts that are Tywin writ small) to serve the needs of the people he has harmed. And it does make good story sense for someone who grew to hate humanity for very understandable reasons still found it in himself to care about it enough to save it. Even sacrifice himself for it if necessary since there’s a strong possibility he is a dragon rider. Since all signs seem to point to him ultimately playing a heroic role against the Others, we can rule out the idea that he just says good riddance to bad rubbish and laughs while the world ends. That has to mean something, right?

There is always a path for redemption for anyone who sees the wrong of what they’ve done, has heartfelt remorse, and commits themselves to meaningful and lasting change. It’s not really about forgiveness at all, although that sometimes happens alongside redemption and it’s certainly easier for people to forgive once they see change. Redemption is work the character must do themselves for the right reasons. It’s not a status granted to them by other people. In fact, it’s probably more sincere when someone decides to do right anyway even if no one ever thinks better of them. If Tyrion (or any other character) is unforgivable to you, then the best worst thing that could happen is that they have to live a long life and spend all of it repaying their karmic debt. Even if he’s not my fav or your fav, a lot of people out there still do relate to him and the things he’s been through. A lot of people are not okay and not good victims from the trauma they’ve suffered. Fiction with redemption that is possible for anyone gives people hope that they could be better too, and there’s no other instance in the books that makes me think GRRM is cynical about redemption. The only way redemption isn’t happening for Tyrion is if he choses not pursue it.

#Anonymous #valyrianscrolls #tyrion lannister #asoiaf meta #redemption in asoiaf #not my area of expertise but I'm trying my best here #my meta

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secretshinigami · 4 years

Text

Phototaxis

Author: @kiranatrix For: @baranedizille Pairings/Characters: Light Yagami, L Lawliet, Ryuk, Sayu Yagami, Sachiko Yagami, Socihiro Yagami // Lawlight if you squint, or not Rating/Warnings: Gen // no warnings Prompt: To-Oh timeline. L visits the Yagamis to work on a project with Light, L has a dinner with Light’s family and it’s awkward. And ofc, Ryuk is also there commenting the situation. Author’s notes: I hope you enjoy the story! This occurs on the evening of April 11 while Light and L are both at To-Oh. Soichiro has been resting at home following his heart attack on April 7 (the day of Light and L’s tennis match). The Japanese legend mentioned in the fic (The Fire Quest) is a real one. Sayu gets it mostly correct, but the traditional version in English is here: https://www.worldoftales.com/Asian_folktales/Japanese_folktale_49.html.

—–

Hideki Ryuga– L –was coming over tonight and Light hardly knew how to handle it. L, with his too-long fingers and his too-intense stare, his perfectly enunciated Japanese and teeth unrealistically white for an all-sugar diet, was coming to Light’s house for dinner and, purportedly, to study.

It was a lie, but that was their preferred currency when shifting closer. Stepping together to a stage, a classroom, a tennis court, a cafe– each time the way was paved with lies, petals they threw at the other’s feet and pretended not to notice. It made getting to the destination sweeter when the end was had only ever been death for one or the other. And still, they couldn’t stop. Light was so glad L hadn’t stopped.

L would be arriving any moment but Light couldn’t help but take out his Death Note from its hiding place, just to touch the pebbly leather of his ace in this game. The Death Note was no proper diary but the handwriting in it betrayed plenty about the emotional state and thoughts of its owner these past months. There was the first casually-scrawled name, jotted off like the joke Light believed it to be. Kurou Otoharada. A long, jagged pen mark bled across the rest of the page, a horizon of surprise when that first death dawned. The next name had been carefully written several times with the spelling slightly shifted, the last instances hurried and impatient. There was an exclamation point by the third experiment, exactly 40 seconds from when he’d inked the right combination. Takuo Shibuimaru. It had probably been added in shock, but Light chose to remember a different reason. I got it right, I won.

The names filling the following pages were unremarkable except that they looked exactly like the handwriting on Light’s homework. Studious, easy, and correct without the requirement of much thought. This was a different kind of work, performed as professionally as an accountant. A roster of the worst murderers of the world, the lowest hanging fruit, and Light plucked them nightly when he wasn’t sure how many more nights he’d have. Surely there had to be some price for what he was doing? Aren’t you going to take my soul? Ryuk laughed at him, was impressed by him, and that was a good sign for a shinigami; he would take something but not for a while.

It wasn’t until about ten pages in that things got telling again. A name written diagonally, frantically, and taking up nearly an entire page– Lind L. Tailor. Light’s adrenaline and fury and glee stained the paper as much as the ink had, from a pen that he didn’t use often and had grabbed as quickly as possible during L’s broadcast. Everything about this name was different, just as L was different from all those who had come before. This name was the hook that pulled Kira out of the shadows and thrust L into the light, a breadcrumb for both of them to devour and hunger for more.

This elaborate name was immediately replaced in Light’s mind by a single stark gothic letter, so much so that even when he looked back on that day, he didn’t recall a suited nobody slumped over a desk and dragged away on-camera. He only recalled ‘come find me, come find me, kill me if you can.’ Light was so accustomed to everything and everyone being boring and easy, to nothing getting to him. L’s challenge had wormed into his mind and he felt alive for the first time in his life.

Perhaps the smart thing to do would have been to go silent a while, wait it out until the heat died down and he could find out more about L and his methods. Light had tipped his hand a little but not enough to give the game away, only to set it in motion. Yes, he probably should have played it safe. But he couldn’t stop and he couldn’t help but taunt L further, just to keep chasing that new and intensifying feeling of being alive. The danger was part of their dance, and Light wanted to play with L for as long as possible before Kira killed him.

Lind L. Tailor. The ‘L’ had been darkly underlined, reminding Light of the dark half-moons shadowing the eyes of the real man when Light finally met him. The slant of Light’s scrawl, like the hunch of L’s back. The letter ugly and infuriating and fascinating and shouting at him from the page, drawing his finger to trace over it…

Light pulled his finger back like he’d been burned when he heard his mother calling up to him, heartbeat thudding as he bit his lip and grinned. He quickly snapped his Death Note shut and carefully placed it back in his rigged desk drawer. He’s here.

“Light! Sayu!” Sachiko leaned to call up the stairs from where she was washing her hands in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on their meal. “Would one of you get the door, please?”

She gave Soichiro a stern look as he shifted on the couch. “Not you, Soichi. If you insist on going back to work tomorrow I want you resting tonight.” Her husband had only come home from the hospital a few days ago after his stress-related heart attack and she was anxious about letting him go right back.

“Coming!” Light bustled out of his bedroom as the doorbell chimed again, nearly barreling into Sayu. “Whoa!” He gripped her shoulders to steady himself, smiling and flustered. “Don’t worry about it, Sayu. I’ll get it.”

“Oooo, who’s coming over tonight?” Sayu grinned up at her brother, noticing a rare faint blush on his cheeks. “You look so nervous! Is it a girlfriend?”

Ryuk floated through Light’s bedroom wall, chuckling at the insinuation. “Pfft, not exactly.” It hadn’t escaped Ryuk’s notice that Light had taken even more care than usual with his appearance tonight and that he’d been mulling over the Death Note in a rather odd way. “Ya do look a little flushed, though. Hyuk hyuk…”

“No.” Light rolled his eyes as he made his way downstairs, ignoring both his sister and the shinigami. Do I really look nervous? He smoothed his features and said, “It’s just Hideki Ryuga from Ecology class. We have a project to work on tonight.” His father was the only other person who knew who Ryuga really was. L, the infuriating detective spying on him at To-Oh. Ryuk knew even more than that; namely, that Light was the very person L was looking for, but a shinigami was the best secret-keeper.

“HIDEKI RYUGA?! Light! THE Hideki Ryuga?!” Sayu bounded down the stairs excitedly after Light, squealing with delight and clutching her hands over her heart. “I want to meet him, too! I’m his biggest fan! I know a lot about ecology and maybe I can help you–”

“Shhh! Sayu, please.” Light shot Sayu a good-natured warning look as he opened the door then forced himself to smile cordially at L. “Hi, Ryuga.” He heard a soft noise of disappointment from Sayu as well as peals of shinigami laughter. It would have been Light’s reaction if the movie star had actually been there instead of his rival.

“Hello, Light-kun. Good to see you again.” L was wearing his usual attire, a white long-sleeved shirt and baggy jeans, and he had a backpack slung over one hunched shoulder. He’d made a half-hearted attempt to brush his hair tonight, but the effort had been rewarded with a fluffy black halo that was even more wild-looking than his usual spikey bed-head.

“I see you managed to find the house.” There was a faint note of sarcasm in Light’s voice. As if L hadn’t gathered all the information he could about Light, illegally, invasively, or otherwise.

A small, wry smile tugged at L’s lips and he answered, deadpan, “Yes, seeing that I am here, I apparently managed just fine. Are you impressed?”

“Incredibly. Please come in.” Smartass. Light held the door open for L to enter and gestured to Sayu just behind him. “This is my sister, Sayu.”

Sayu had been peeking around Light, eyes wide with curiosity about the odd-looking person who was most definitely not the idol she’d been hoping for. She’d met lots of Light’s friends over the years but no one quite like this. “Wow…I’ve never seen anyone’s hair do that before. Where are you from? Are you older than Light? How does-”

“Sayu!” Sachiko rubbed her hands on her apron and sighed in fond exasperation. “Hideki-san, please forgive my child’s rudeness. She’s just excited to meet Light’s best friend at school.”

Best friend? L’s eyes cut to Light, who immediately looked away. It amused L to hear their lies mirrored by other people.

Sachiko bowed politely and gave him a warm smile. “You are very welcome in our home. I’ll be serving dinner in a few moments.” She arched a brow at Sayu, “Please go set the table, Sayu.”

L gladly toed out of his worn sneakers, padding along barefoot behind Light through the foyer and into the living room. “Your home is very cozy, Light-kun.”

Ryuk snorted, “Like he hasn’t already seen every inch of it on camera.”

Exactly. Light clenched his hand in his pocket but didn’t let his expression falter. “Dad, Hideki Ryuga is here for dinner. We have a project to work on tonight.”

Soichiro looked up from the newspaper he’d been reading on the couch and gave L a polite nod. “Forgive me for not getting up, Hideki-san, I’ve been confined to the couch until dinner on my wife’s orders.” It was slightly uncomfortable to have L here in his home given that he knew his son was under some suspicion. Soichiro dismissed those suspicions out of hand, but he dreaded that L might turn his searchlights on Light during family dinner.

“Please call me Ryuga.” L gave Light a crooked grin. “That’s what my friends call me.”

Sayu skipped into the living room with a fist full of chopsticks. “Mom says you can go ahead and sit down. It’s yakisoba tonight!” She grabbed the guest’s arm and dragged him over to the table. “You can sit beside Light, Ryuga.”

L blushed faintly but let himself be pulled along. “Ah…alright.” It was strange to realize that he’d never had a ‘real’ family dinner inside someone’s home before. Of course, he’d never had a family or friends, so perhaps not so surprising. He dropped his backpack to the floor and climbed into the seat beside Light, crouching as he usually did.

Light and Soichiro didn’t bat an eye at that but Sayu couldn’t help but gape at him. “Isn’t that an uncomfortable way to sit? My legs would fall asleep!”

“Sayu.” Soichiro sat down at the place opposite Light. “Ryuga is our guest, and he’s welcome to sit how he pleases.” He knew from experience that whether L, Ryuzaki, or Ryuga, the peculiar man would do things his own way.

Sachiko came in a moment later with the dishes for dinner, including yakisoba, miso soup, rice, and pickles. “Please help yourselves. We’re not very formal around here, Ryuga.”

Ryuk floated behind Light, one clawed hand curled around the back of the human’s chair. “Dunno why you humans go to so much trouble when ya could just have apples.”

“Hmm.” L peered at the various options, one finger perched on his lip. “I’ve never had yakisoba before. I admit I don’t eat many noodle dishes.” He’d brought some candy bars and a slice of cake in his backpack in case he didn’t like the food. Wammy had told him to at least wait until he was up in Light’s room studying to eat it, though. Apparently it was rude not to at least try the meal (although he still wasn’t sure if he cared).

“I bet you’d like it.” Light served L some noodles and then put some on his own plate. He whispered to L, “Don’t be difficult. It’s sweet.” He wasn’t about to tell L that he’d suggested yakisoba to his mother tonight for that very reason, or that there were vegetables hiding in it. Why in the hell do I care about pleasing him?

“Hmm.” L tentatively picked up his chopsticks and poked at the noodles, looking between them and Light. “Is it spicy?” It was also becoming clear that he’d never used chopsticks before and they kept slipping from his hand. Why hadn’t he asked Wammy to show him how to use them?

“No, it’s not–here, you’re not holding them right.” Light set his own chopsticks down and took L’s hand, gently molding the fingers into the right position to hold the utensils. He’d done the same thing for Sayu when she was small and learning, so the offer felt automatic. It wasn’t until he looked up and saw L staring at him that he felt self-conscious and pulled away. The gesture had felt too genuine and that made it suspicious. “Well, that’s how to do it. I know you’re a quick learner and will pick it up.”

L looked down and murmured, “Was that a pun, Light-kun?” He concentrated and managed to pinch a bite of yakisoba, quickly shoveling it into his mouth before it fell off. “…mmm!” He didn’t bother to completely swallow the mouthful before saying, “It is sweet. And quite good.” He picked up another bite with slightly more dexterity. “I like it.” Perhaps the cake in his bag could just be for dessert.

Light smiled across the table. “It really is good, Mom, thank you.”

“Oh, you’re always welcome.” Sachiko beamed happily as L quickly devoured his noodles and took another helping.

Soichiro relaxed a little, seeing as things were going more smoothly than he’d expected. “So, boys, what is your project about?”

“It’s for Ecology. We have to collect an insect and bring it to class tomorrow since the lecture is on local entomology.” Light took a sip of tea to hide his amused smile; L was handling the chopsticks perfectly now. Of course he’d be good at that, too.

“Eww.” Ryuk scrunched up his nose, he didn’t much like bugs and creepy-crawly things. “Hope it won’t be flappin’ in a box all night cause that would creep me out.”

“Not just on local entomology, Light-kun.” L chewed a few times, loudly, and swallowed his mouthful. “It’s also on insect phototaxis.”

Sayu, tilted her head and asked, “What’s that?”

L suddenly wished he hadn’t spoken up at all. “Well….” He looked down at his meal, stabbing at the noodles. “…an attraction to light. Some insects, like moths, use the moon to navigate and become confused by artificial light. That’s why they flap around outdoor lightbulbs at night.”

“Oh! Like the Fire Quest!” Sayu nodded sagely. “I know all about that.” When Ryuga just looked at her blankly, she added, “You haven’t heard that story? It’s a famous Japanese legend!”

Soichiro sighed, “I’m sure Ryuga doesn’t–”

“I have not heard it.” L set his chopsticks down and leaned forward in his crouch, hands on his knees as he stared at Sayu. “Please tell me the legend.”

“Sure! See, Light, I told you I could help with your project.”

Light grinned and laughed softly. “Just tell the story, Sayu.” Japanese folktales weren’t going to help them but he was happy to indulge his little sister.

“I’m getting to it!” Sayu sat up straight in her chair, trying to look and sound more official. “There was a queen of the fireflies who lived in a lotus blossom in the middle of a peaceful pond. She was so beautiful that all the moths, dragonflies, and other bugs who lived around the pond were constantly bothering her, begging to marry her. But she didn’t want any of them so it was very annoying.”

L nodded seriously. “Yes, I can see why that would present a problem. Did she tell them all to go away?”

“Oh, she tried! But they wouldn’t listen and there got to be so many bugs on her lotus blossom she was afraid it was going to sink. Completely messing up the whole peaceful pond aesthetic.”

Light snickered and dropped his chin into his hand, smiling at Sayu. “I don’t remember that little detail from the story.”

“Shhh!” Sayu stuck out her tongue at Light and continued. “Anyway, she thought up a way to get rid of them all. She told them that since she was a firefly, she could only marry the bug that brought fire back to her. Whatever bug did that was worthy to be with her forever.”

L gave her a lop-sided smile. “I can’t imagine that turned out well for the insect suitors.”

“Nope! But they couldn’t help themselves. They fluttered and flew around candles, torches, bonfires, all trying to catch the fire that the queen had told them to find but every one of them burned up instead. Nobody completed the Fire Quest and the firefly queen and her pond were left in peace.” Sayu smiled proudly. “The end.”

Ryuk had been hanging on Sayu’s every word, half-sitting on the table. “Hahaha! What a great queen!” He hadn’t been aware that fireflies were so sneaky but there was still a lot about the human world he didn’t know. “Now I wanna see a firefly!”

Light hummed thoughtfully, recalling the legend from his own childhood. Sayu had embellished a bit but it was mostly accurate. “Serves the suitors right, I suppose. They should have listened when the queen told them to go away.”

“The queen sent them on a quest she knew would result in their deaths.” L turned to look at Light, a small smirk on his lips. “Their annoyance hardly necessitates murder, Light-kun.”

“Murder?” Light laughed in a charming way but there was shrewd interest in his eyes. “She didn’t tell them to burn themselves up. They should have known better.” They couldn’t help themselves. Just like we can’t. “Anyway, it’s just a silly legend.”

Soichiro quickly changed the subject.

—-

After dinner, Light showed L up to his bedroom where they could catch an insect from his balcony. His mother had given them a large glass jar and he set it down on his desk, thrilling at having L so close to his secrets. “There’s a bright light on the balcony but it might take a few moments to attract anything.” He switched on the light, dimming the desk lamp so they could see outside better. He leaned against the glass door, watching L mentally cataloging the contents of his room. “I was surprised when you asked me to help you with this project, Ryuga. It’s not very difficult to catch your own bug.” I know you just wanted to see my room for yourself.

“I have never done it before.” L crouched in Light’s desk chair, opening up his backpack and taking out the slice of cake he’d stowed inside. Tonight had been full of firsts for him– chopsticks, yakisoba, legends, bugs. “I didn’t want to kill it since we’re supposed to bring it in alive.” He forked a piece of the strawberry cake, staring at Light while he ate it. Mouth full, he grinned and said, “Think we’ll catch a firefly?”

Light laughed softly and shook his head. “Not really the right time of year for them. They come out in the summer.” He gazed out the glass door, noticing a few flies and mosquitos starting to circle around the caged bulb. “Sometimes we see them in our backyard. Sayu and I would catch them when we were kids.”

“Pity. After hearing your sister’s story, I wanted to see one.” L ate the last bite of cake, placing the empty plastic box in Light’s trashcan (after glancing to see what else was in there).

Light asked over his shoulder quietly, “Don’t they have fireflies in England?”

L smiled slyly, getting up to stand beside Light at the glass door. He recognized the bait and only gave the line a tug. “They do, but doesn’t mean I was there to see them.” In truth, he’d been too wrapped up in his cases to venture outside much as a child. Such single-minded focus had benefitted him in some ways and set him apart from a normal childhood in others. “Perhaps Light-kun will invite me back in the summertime.”

“Of course, Ryuga.” Light smiled at him, catching his reflection in the glass. How long would their game go on? Into the summer, the fall? What season would see it end?

“Look.” L tapped the glass just over Light’s reflection, but what he was pointing to was on the other side. A large green-winged luna moth had landed on the cage surrounding the light bulb and was lazily flapping its wings and warming itself. “The first suitor has arrived.”

“Still haven’t learned the ‘murderous’ queen’s lesson.” Light laughed and grabbed the jar off his desk. “Lucky for them we have electric lights and not fire.” He unscrewed the top and handed the jar to L. “Cmon, you do it.”

L looked down at the jar as if it were Kira’s power instead just an old pickle jar. “The jar is too small.” He shifted to the other foot. “I’ll crush it.”

“No, I think it’s plenty big. We can put it in a shoebox after we catch it, anyway.” Light smirked at him. “You’re just making excuses. Or maybe you really can’t do it?” He knew L wouldn’t turn down a direct challenge.

“Alright.” L sighed and took the jar, frowning as he plotted his approach. Sliding the door open carefully so not to startle it, he crept forward very slowly until he was right beside it. Turning back to Light, he whispered, “Now what?”

“Just scoop it up in the jar. Try not to touch its wings, though.” Light watched as L brought the jar up to the luna moth, delicately prodding to encourage it to go into the jar by itself. Amazingly, it worked, and the moth calmly settled into the bottom of the jar.

“Light-kun!” L hurried back inside Light’s room, smiling broadly down at his captive. It looked like a miniature angel with its gracefully tapered wings and fluffy golden antennae. “It was easy after all.”

“Everything’s easy for you, isn’t it?” I know the feeling. Light screwed the top onto the jar, poking generous air holes in the lid with a pair of scissors. He held it up for both of them to see, L leaning in closely, chewing his thumb at the undamaged and placid moth. “It’s a nice catch, too. I bet no one else will bring in anything this big.”

L didn’t answer him for a long moment, just stared at the moth and the slow up-down, up-down of its wings. “What do you think would have happened if one of the suitors brought fire back?”

Light blinked. “Huh?”

“In Sayu’s legend. What might have happened if one of the suitors completed the Fire Quest and brought back fire to the queen?”

“I…I don’t know. I guess she would have burned up too if one managed to make it back to her. Would have been suicide.” Light gave L a puzzled look. “That’s impossible though. It never would have made it.”

“It might have.” L took the jar, setting it on Light’s desk and turning his full attention to his human specimen again. His hand fluttered from his mouth in a parody of a moth or a name written diagonally, frantically, and taking up nearly an entire page. “If he was a firefly, too.”

Light’s gaze followed L’s hand, those too-thin fingers that had gently ushered the moth to its prison. “So he would trick the queen and allow all the other suitors to get burned up instead of warning them?” He laughed a rare, genuine laugh. “Wouldn’t that make him as bad of a terrible, unfeeling ‘murderer’ as the queen?”

“It’s just a silly legend, Light-kun.” L stuck his hands in his pockets, giving Light a cryptic smile. “But he’d win, wouldn’t he?”

#fanfiction #submission #death note #Light Yagami #soichiro yagami #Sayu Yagami #Sachiko Yagami #l lawliet #l #lawlight #kiranatrix #baranedizille #Mello's Birthday Mayhem 2020

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allthatglittersisnotgoldrush · 3 years

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Author Interview: Victoryindeath2 (by Mythopoeia

Thank you @abadpoetwithdreams! I hope you don't regret the last question you asked :D

1. You are responsible for creating the characters of Frog and Sticks! What canon Silm event are you most excited to see from their child perspectives?

Soooo many things—but I am interested to see how they will feel when Mae is back on his feet, a warrior more deadly with his left than he even was with his right, the sort of man who can in canon create the Union of Maedhros. The children have seen Maedhros at his lowest, seen him tormented and crushed into the earth in the cruelest of ways. They also saw how he could be his best even when there was no hope or light for him—he protected them and was kind to them and loved them. I am just interested to see how other men’s and women’s opinions might change as Maedhros moves into the next phase of his life, and how the children will, in some ways, always see Maedhros as their Russandol.

Sticks: yeah I knew he was cool before you all realized it

Frog: *drops a rock in Mae’s left hand and curls up in his lap* tell me and my pet rock a story Mae

Mae: I actually have leadership things to do....

Sticks: you owe us for all the stories you didn’t tell us back in the Bad Place

Mae: *tells them a story and Fingon finds the kids sleeping under Mae’s arms twenty minutes later*

(There is also a non-canon event sometime in the future that I want so VERY badly but guess I can’t say because of spoilers *sighs*)

2. We often joke about how this AU is basically our own crazy version of a Silm tv series. What are some of favourite moments in the series so far that stand out to you as particularly cinematic?

There are so many moments, some of the wondrous and stunning variety, and some of the quiet and beautiful....but here are a few that leapt right to my mind:

a. Maedhros and Fingon parting the last time before Feanor divided the families almost forever! Maedhros with his hair in the sunlight on his horse and the line, “see you on the other side, cano!”

b. Gosh DARN it Mae on the cliff, with Morgoth offering him the chance to leap to his death, and he doesn’t take it *cries*

c. FINGON’S CHILD OF THE WOLF MOMENT WHERE HE TAKES MAIRON OUT (ALSO RIGHT BEFORE WHEN MAE GRABS AT HIS ANKLE AND TRIES TO GET FINGON TO SAVE HIMSELF)

d. Maedhros riding into the thrall camp and basically falling into Gwindor and SLINGING AN ARM AROUND HIS NECK YES HUGS ALL AROUND YESSSS

e. Look Ceili fic I know we talk about it all the time but I am here to talk about it again, especially the moment where Mae pulls Caranthir out on the dance floor and then they all dance together and everyone ends up in a pile on the floor except for Mae who just stands over them all laughing I think doubled over and there is so much good energy in that scene I NEED IT ON SCREEN

f. Personally I like to think that Celegorm stalking his way into a club in New York City and beating the living daylights out of Eol was cinematic

g. Maedhros having successfully argued Huan’s way into the journey west, stumbling all tired like up to the stairs, and meeting Nerdanel there, and resting his head on his mom’s neck. The darling tol bby

h. MAE ATTACKING ULFANG FOR THE SAKE OF HIS BROS, GOING FROM DEPRESSED BROKEN BABY WHO HAS LOST ALL HOPE TO DEPRESSED BROKEN BABY WHO HAS LOST ALL HOPE BUT STILL WILL FIGHT FOR HIS BROS

i. Bby Mae lying on Feanor’s chest ;;;;;;;;;;; before Feanor became the worst

j. Can’t even remember what fic it was at this point but there is a dream? Mae has? Of like....the sea and red sun or something? It was a lot

k. There are many many more moments and I am mad that I can’t remember the one that stood out to me recently

l. ..........the whole fic Seven Card Stud

m. MOONLIGHT GUNSLINGER MAE AND HOW HE TOTALLY OUTCLASSED MAIRON

n. Every hug and brotp and found family moment ever. I have addictions and there is never enough of what I want on screen

o. THERE ARE MORE SPECIFIC ONES BUT I HAVE TO STOP AT SOME POINT DON’T I

3. Walk me through what an ideal day would look like for Caranthir?

The MOST ideal day would be Caranthir waking up in his little closet bedroom in Formenos and realizing he just had a horrible nightmare, and also realizing that he still has his mom and ALL of his brothers. And then at the breakfast table Feanor says something like “wow I’ve been stupid in a good many ways, and a rotten dad because of that, good thing I have recognized my flaws and shall now be a better person, also Mae you can stop going to live in the city if you want, just stay here with your brothers. Also you know, Caranthir, even though you’re still my least favorite child, I’m proud of you. And not just because these are the best pancakes I have ever tasted.”

Then Caranthir probably helps his mom in the garden, gets some quality one on one time with Mae when Mae helps him make a pie, Mae reminds him how special and good he thinks Caranthir is, and Celegorm and Curufin ask Caranthir to join them for fishing. Not that Caranthir necessarily wants to do that, but he does want to be asked. Then Amras and Amrod ask him to help them with sums, so that he feels like a helpful big brother, and without being asked, Maglor takes out his fiddle and plays the slow-moving, peaceful song that Caranthir loves and Maglor despises because it is not challenging enough

4. What is a character POV you have not written yet about but would like to?

I would like to write something from Maeglin’s POV—I feel a powerful urge to protect that lost boy. He’s had an odd and often terrifying life and he needs a break. Good grief imagine having a mom like his mom, imagine Morgoth commanding you to call him uncle. Ew. Anyway, he’s exactly the sort of character I usually adopt as my son. An angsty sad boy without much future, who needs LOVE

5. If you could recommend only one fic from each author (including yourself, of course) what would they be?

HOW TO PICK?!

TolkienGirl: wayyyyy too many to really choose from but I have to go back to the beginning and say “news, breaking” because of the way it introduces my Feanorian boys, and also because of Mae wearing a flowered apron one minute and then a half open leather vest the next, with his glorious hair tied back!

Mythopoeia: I feel like I have to say “those gathered beneath” because it was so DEFINITIVE of our favorite Irish family, and also Turgon is a great narrator (but since I always talk about this fic I shall also add another, lesser known perhaps: “save ourselves unaided” because it introduces Haleth and more people need to appreciate Haleth and Mythopoeia’s Haleth is SO GOOD)

Victoryindeath2: “a certain slant of light (where the meanings are)” because it was my first Caranthir fic, and so it holds a special place in my heart

Bonus Q: The Feanorians are now a KPop group. What are their hair colors and roles?

THE WAY I CHOKED ON MY LAUGHTER WHEN I FIRST READ THIS QUESTION

I ALSO GOT WAY TOO CAUGHT UP IN THIS SO IF YOU ARE AN AU READER WHO DOESN’T CARE ABOUT KPOP IN ANY WAY YOU CAN STOP HERE, I WON’T BE MAD. On the other hand I think I have really good answers so maybe you should continue lol

Maedhros: He has to be a coppery red-head, doesn’t he? Maybe something of the red color that you once told me you wanted Heeseung to try. He would make a great leader, but ALSO. Also I think that he has had enough stress in canon in and in our AU, so I really just want to give him the opportunity to be merely the eldest hyung, who everyone goes to for comfort, for hugs and advice, and who supports the leader quietly. He is a good vocalist and can maybe rap in a pinch? but we put so much emphasis on him as a dancer that he HAS to be the dance leader. Obviously. Is widely acknowledged as the visual of the group

Maglor: Longish black hair, maybe midnight blue or deep purple. Has tried several different hairstyles and regretted half of them. He claims a specific aesthetic in hair and dress is necessary for him to compose the group’s songs, and while he gets teased by everyone for this he also writes amazing music so? It works? Is definitely a vocalist. His vlives consist of him playing every instrument known to man, and half the time Mae is sitting in the background listening with an awed expression on his face—till he falls asleep. Maglor can’t decide if he is pleased by this or insulted

Celegorm: Usually rocks blond or silver hair, but one time some fool insulted Amrod’s pink hair and the next thing you know Celegorm had pink hair for three months. Probably disparaged Maglor’s mullet phase but tried it once himself as a penalty for a game in a Run Feanorian episode and kinda thought it wasn’t half bad.

Celegorm is the “I don’t follow what the company says” member, “screw the rules if they aren’t good for my fam.” He is also a sick rapper and his diss tracks and mixtapes are things of beauty. He also clearly frequents the gym and will toss an annoyed member—most likely Maglor, but sometimes Curufin—over his shoulder any chance he can get. Has definitely done pushups with Amrod or Amras on his back. He and Mae swept the ISAC games

Caranthir: Typically goes with brown/black hair, which only throws the fandom into more of an uproar when the rare occasion arises in which he actually dyes it some other color. Probably went mint for a music video and Curufin started calling him mint choco boy, which offends him deeply as he is (sadly) on the side of “mint chocolate ice cream tastes like toothpaste.” He’s a vocalist with a rougher voice that is surprisingly pleasing to listen too.

Speaking of surprises, Caranthir never quite understands his own popularity. He didn’t like to do vlives by himself for ages, until Mae encouraged him to do cooking and baking vlives, and now he does one once a month on a schedule. Fans are putting together a book of his recipes

Curufin: He does intense and striking hairstyles and colors, and is probably the most likely to do black hair streaked through with red, teal, green, gold, white, etc. He claims to be the visual of the group and Mae is the one member who always agrees with him. I’d say he is also a dancer, one almost as good as Mae but with a different style, and he has a quick and sharp rap. He is heavily involved in the production of their songs over time.

Here is the thing though—I think, in this better non-canon non-Gold Rush AU universe, that Curufin could be the leader. See, Feanor is not gonna be the company CEO loll. Fingolfin is. And Fingolfin mentors better than Feanor EVER could. And Curufin is a sharp lad, very smart and crafty, and if he could just be convinced to care about all his brothers/group members like he does about himself and Celegorm in the AU, and if he just has proper guidance, allowing Mae to assist him in struggles, going to him for support, I think he would be an excellent leader

Ambarussa: Amras and Amrod have tried every color and color combination under the SUN, and they often coordinate with each other either to match or complement. Amras sometimes gets tired of this, preferring to stick to the general group color scheme, and when that happens Amrod just says fine be like that and goes off and does his own thing. Sooner or later though, Amras always gives in and joins him once again.

The twins obviously have all their hyungs wrapped around their little fingers, even Maglor who is driven insane by them crashing into his room shrieking and giggling when he is trying to write music or run a very serious vlive. As far as their musical talents go, I love when maknaes are ridiculously well-rounded, and these are Feanorian maknaes, so I’m gonna say they can both dance, sing, and rap. People have placed bets on whether they will grow as tall as Mae (spoilers, they won’t, no one ever will, he’s the tallest in Kpop world)

Huan: is the team mascot, and lives in their large dorm with them because Celegorm said so

Anddd that’s all folks

#author interviews #gold rush AU #the silmarillion #q&a #yes mythopoeia gave me a kpop question and I was on a roll with it shush don't judge me #even if you are tolkiengirl #victoryindeath2 answers questions

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pidgebeifong · 5 years

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atla artist au

Aang is a painter. He’s loved painting ever since he was a child and first experimented with finger paints on the walls- which was, in hindsight, maybe not the best idea. He loves the way it detaches him from his worldly concerns. It’s almost like a form of meditation for him- the rest of the universe just falls away whenever he picks up his paintbrush, and all he can see is his canvas and the worlds he will create with a swirl of lemon yellow sun here, a wave of cerulean blue ocean there, a blur of sunset orange clouds at the edges. Everything he owns has been stained with paint in at least three places, which makes dressing for formal events a real pain. Sometimes he’ll deliberately paint his jeans with sunflowers or bees or anything that’s a sunny, bright yellow- his favourite colour- and wear them proudly for days. Katara jokes that she doesn’t even remember what the real colours of his hands look like, because they’re forever stained with paint that’s sunken so deeply into the folds of his skin that it makes it nearly impossible to rub off. People always ask him what his favourite thing to paint is, expecting it to be something like sunsets or mountains, but the truth is his favourite thing to study and paint is his Labrador, Appa, the first thing he ever drew. He started drawing at around five, the same age he adopted Appa, and to this day he can never get the way Appa’s golden fur shines just right under the blinding sunlight. He loves going to nature reserves and parks to study how light affects the leaves and flowers. Sometimes everything will just be too much, and he’ll jam as many paints into his pockets as he can, take a sketchbook, a water bottle and a paintbrush, and get on the bus to a park. He’ll sit quietly for hours, trying to capture moonlight on water or the flapping wings of a hummingbird.

Katara is a writer. She literally can’t remember a time she hasn’t loved to write. She has stacks and stacks of unfinished manuscripts lying around on the floor, tacked up to the walls in her room, and crumpled on the bedsheets. She has easily over a thousand different scenes written for her future novels on the Notes app in her phone, and she has a bad habit of scribbling ideas down on her hands on the rare occasions she doesn’t have her phone on her and there’s no paper in sight. She’s practically nocturnal at this point, because all her best ideas come to her at 3am, when she’s sleep-deprived and half-hallucinating. She always carries at least three pens on her at all times, and gets panicky when she’s forced to remove them whenever she has to dress up for anything formal. She’s really hypocritical whenever she gets on Aang’s case about his hands always being paint-stained, because all her hands are covered in ink, too- half-finished notes and ideas that got left on the cutting board. Katara hates cutting out characters that simply aren’t necessary to the scene and don’t add anything of value to the plot, because they’re her babies damnit and she worked hard on them. One would think that this would make her more sympathetic to her characters, but Aang and Sokka are appalled the first time they’re allowed to read one of her (mostly) finished manuscripts (who is she kidding, she doesn’t have a manuscript that’s even remotely finished for the life of her) and see how much torture and anguish and heartbreak she’s put her characters through. Katara is a huge advocate of making all her characters hit the lowest point they could possibly go, and then instead of making them get back up again, she gives them a shovel and instructions to dig lower. However, she’s a huge sucker for happy endings, and she practically dominates the tag #angst with a happy ending on AO3. She gets around three hours of sleep every night, none of them consecutive, and survives on black coffee and willpower alone. Everyone knows her as an avid reader, but she hasn’t really read an actual book since two years ago, and spends most of her time scrolling through 250k fanfictions at 2am.

Sokka is a photographer. He doesn’t have the skills that Aang has with his paintbrush, or the way Katara can make entire universes come to life with a few words, so for a long time he used to think that he was just going to be the ordinary guy in the group who’d only be known for loving meat to what is frankly an unhealthy degree, and that his only contribution to the team would be a slew of bad jokes and sarcastic remarks. He finds his calling very late in life, but the moment he picks up his first camera at age fourteen, everything just seems to fall perfectly into place. Sokka’s world always moves too fast and changes too quickly, but he can capture moments that will last forever with the click of a button, and he guesses that that’s what he loves about photography- that he can freeze moments in time and always be able to come back to them. Well, as long as he doesn’t lose his camera, but he’s got the photos all backed up on iCloud anyway, so that’s not really an issue. Sometimes, he’ll accompany Aang to nature parks, and Aang will paint the twisting vines of a plant while Sokka captures Aang’s relaxed, happy expression. His favourite photos are the ones he takes of his friends when they’re caught unaware- candid portraits of Suki laughing or Katara ruffling Aang’s hair or Toph trying and failing to hide a grudging smile. He loves old photos, too- loves the aesthetic of black-and-white photos, how they capture a scene that he knows full well happened decades ago but somehow make him feel like he’s living in the same moment. Experimenting with light is one of his favourite things to do- he loves playing with golden hour sunlight or early morning rays, loves hearing the satisfying click of his camera and knowing that he’s got another picture for the album (and his hugely successful Instagram account that has well over 50k followers).

Toph is a sculptor. She was born blind and never really got to experience art the same way the others did, so for a long time she buried her disappointment deep within her and never let jealousy rear its ugly head whenever she heard Katara singing praises about the latest painting Aang had just finished, or the beautiful photograph Sokka had captured of all of them laughing as a group, but then she discovered sculpture. An art she could appreciate from beneath her fingers, an art she could see by running her hands over it and feeling the crevices and curves and edges breathe themselves into life beneath her touch. Despite discovering the term for it late in life, Toph found that she’d actually been sculpting at a very young age. She’d been experimenting with PlayDoh and clay since before she could walk, but she’d never known that there was actually an art form in it that people did professionally until Aang had taken her to a museum and put her hands on a beautiful sculpture of an ancient Greek god. It was one of the only times she’d ever cried in her life, but those had been tears of pure joy- she didn’t want to sound like a sap, but she hadn’t realized that something so beautiful in the world existed until that life-changing moment at the museum. Sure, they’d been chased out by one particularly angry security guard who kept waving his baton around threateningly (‘can’t you two juveniles see that the sign clearly says no touching?!’ ‘actually sir, I’m blind so that would be a hard no’) but it had been worth it. Ever since then, Toph has been addicted to sculpting, feeling things take shape under her capable hands. She’s been told she can replicate faces with an accuracy that’s both astonishing and unnerving, despite not even being able to see (it only took a lot of years and lot of hours spent tracing the lines of Aang’s face) and her work has been proudly displayed on Katara’s bedside table, Sokka’s desks and Aang’s shelves.

Suki is a martial arts instructor who has a degree in badassery. She started her own school at just fifteen years old, and named it the Kyoshi Warrior Academy, in honour of Kyoshi, her late martial arts instructor whom she had a deep respect for. She had black belt status in five different martial arts by the time she turned thirteen, and was a legend for her skill, hard work and talent in the martial arts community. She’s lost quite a few matches, but she’s more than made up for it with every win she’s achieved. The first time she met Sokka, she thought he was trying to steal from her, so she judo-flipped him, pinned him down and tied his wrists together, all of which took a maximum of three seconds. (‘wow, that’s kinky. so are you into that kind of thing?’ ‘shut up, asshole. what do you want from me? my wallet?’ ‘actually, I was going to ask you out on a date, but I mean sure, if you’re offering. I could use a little cash right about now, actually, because I think you just broke all the cards I have in my wallet when you body-slammed me to the ground, along with at least ten of my bones.’) Sokka had severely underestimated Suki’s skill at first, despite their rather unfortunate encounter (during which she actually had broken the bone in his arm, but he’d tried to wave it off and say that he didn’t mind, then subsequently screamed in pain because he’d tried to wave his broken arm), but he knew that he’d have to change his mindset in order to win her over. Eventually, he ended up changing his misogynistic mindset not only to go out with Suki, but because he realized that it was the right thing to do- something Katara was over the moon about. She and Suki have been joined at the hip ever since, and Sokka often jokes whether Suki is only dating him for his sister (‘damn, suki, it’s like you only come over for katara’ ... ‘wait. why aren’t any of you saying anything. katara did you just wink? sUKI DID YOU JUST KISS MY SISTER’S CHEEK-?! oh my god this is the worst betrayal I’ve experienced since toph said that she didn’t need to see my photographs in order to tell that they were ugly’). Jokes aside, Suki adores her boyfriend and his sister, and often teaches them self-defense in her free time. One of her best students is a girl named Ty Lee, who all her friends except Zuko seem to really hate for some reason. However, Ty Lee is a natural at self-defense and she and Suki get along like a house on fire. Katara still refuses point-blank to go to classes whenever Ty Lee is in attendance, but Suki has given up trying to understand why. In conclusion, Suki is one of those movie heroines who can munch a sandwich while apprehending twenty supervillains all twice her size, and still come out victorious.

Zuko is a theatre kid and aspiring actor. (Was anyone surprised by this, really?) His natural melodramatic emo kid personality makes him the perfect role for starring roles in school plays (at least, that’s what Azula always likes to say) and acting to him comes as naturally as breathing. He’s not-so-secretly a Shakespeare nerd and can literally recite Hamlet and Romeo and Juliet, two of his favourite plays, word for word. He also loves Hamilton and Dear Evan Hansen- and alright, maybe he also harbours a love for High School Musical (he’s never told anyone that, but everyone knows anyway because he made Azula suffer through all five movies with him which eventually led to her becoming so fed-up constantly belting out the lyrics at the top of his lungs that she recorded the audio and sent it to everyone at school, including Mai, whom he couldn’t look in the eyes for a straight two weeks). Before his mother left them, she used to say that Zuko got his acting genes from her, because she used to play the lead role in Love Amongst The Dragons every year in her old high school. Zuko asked Ursa if that meant Azula got her dancing genes from Ozai, and they’d both have a quiet little laugh as they imagined Ozai trying to dance ballet. Although Zuko adores the drama and the poignant atmosphere that comes with performing Shakespeare’s plays, Love Amongst The Dragons holds the top spot for his favourite play by far. He goes to see it every time the ache for his mother is too painful to ignore- even though the new actors, a group called the Ember Island Players, all but butcher it every year- and sometimes, he’ll deceive himself into thinking that his mother’s somewhere in the audience too, watching the play right there with him like they used to do all the time. He once took Azula to see it with him, just like they used to do when their mother was with them, and Azula cried when he told her that the reason he liked it was because it reminded him of their mother. The sight of her crying was so unnerving that Zuko went alone after that. Azula never protested, though, or teased him for liking the play again.

Azula is a dancing prodigy. She specializes in ballet, but she also does contemporary and modern. She tried her hand at tap and jazz, and although she naturally excelled in it, as usual, she decided that it just wasn’t for her. At the age of fourteen, Azula is already a world-renowned dancer and has broken records and made history with how skilled she is at dancing. She moves her body so fluidly that it’s hard to believe she’s even a person and not just a wisp or smoke, delicately floating and twirling and twisting through the air. Azula has a lot of pent-up anger and frustration about having to constantly seem perfect all the time in order to make up for the failure that Zuko is, and she’s found that physical exercise- namely, dance- is the best way to relieve her stress. She also knows a fair bit of martial arts- out of everyone, she and Ty Lee are the only ones who have managed to defeat Suki at hand-to-hand combat. If asked about it, Suki will vehemently deny that such an incident ever happened, which only serves to amuse Azula further. Azula started ballet at age three and advanced much further and quicker than any of her peers, which incited a lot of jealousy and basically ensured that she had virtually no friends in the ballet community, but it wasn’t like she was particularly desperate for companionship in the first place. She’s so famous that she’s a verified account on Instagram with over a million followers- she does some spare modelling work on the side when she can, and her stunning looks combined with her raw talent have made her into one of the most unattainably perfect girls to ever rule Instagram. Somehow, her dancing doesn’t distract her from her grades, because she also has a stellar report card that’s displayed on the wall of her numerous trophies and awards she’s achieved over the years. (Zuko has a half-broken shelf that sports exactly two awards, and one is a certificate of participation.) Azula was born for the spotlight. Whenever she steps onto a stage, the room goes completely, eerily still, as if holding on to her every move. She’s one of the most beautiful dancers to ever perform, and audiences sing praises about her every twirl, her every arch, as if a single pirouette she’s executed is already perfect enough to win her ten awards. She’s mesmerizing on stage, and kind of terrifying in the way that one would find someone too perfect to be terrifying. Her every move is effortless, graceful, as if she’s a weightless feather drifting through the breeze. She’s incredibly captivating and is set to be one of history’s stars.

Mai is a musician/singer. Her parents were extremely traditional and gave her piano and violin lessons for her fifth birthday, but she actually ended up enjoying them a lot. She has a great voice, too, so she started a YouTube channel a while back that features her doing covers and singing her own original songs sometimes. It’s now amassed a few thousand followers. Zuko has an admittedly great voice, too, and sometimes she invites him to her channel and they do these amazing duets. All of their followers ship them together, but Mai always denies that she likes him, despite her cheeks always blushing a bright pink whenever he’s brought up on live-streams. Her parents don’t approve of her channel, which they only found out about because they were being overbearing and went through her phone yet again, and they want her to go to school to study business instead. Mai doesn’t plan on giving up on her YouTube channel anytime soon, though. Before she discovered singing, she was clearly passionless about most everything, but now that she has, it feels like a fire slowly consuming her from the inside out. And she kind of likes it, to be honest. It feels good to be so passionate about something, especially since Zuko likes it just as much as she does. She’ll never admit it, but she knows how to play quite a few My Chemical Romance and Panic! At The Disco songs on the piano (which Zuko absolutely loves her for, because he’s the picture perfect stereotype of an emo boy). Writing and singing songs provides her with some sort of cathartic relief that she can’t really obtain from anywhere else. She’s incredibly musically talented, and was playing grade eight piano material at just eleven years old. She taught herself the guitar and the harp after her parents refused to give her any more lessons for fear that she would become too invested in music (Asian parents, y’all- they provide you with piano lessons but expect you to become a doctor or a lawyer because God forbid you pursue a career in music despite having studied it since you were five) and refuse to pursue a career in business.

Ty Lee is a gymnast. She tried ballet along with Azula, but didn’t like the discipline it took and ran out of patience with all the tedious instructions necessary to follow along with the class, finding that gymnastics was more to her liking. However, she and Azula make an awesome duo whenever they showcase their talents together. Ty Lee’s actually so good that trainees are already speculating that she could achieve a spot on her country’s national gymnastics team. She can do backflips, handstands, cartwheels and splits on a beam one after the other without even needing to catch her breath, and she’s impossibly fit. She loves crop tops- she thinks they show off her figure, which is nearly unattainable for most people. She’s also naturally talented at martial arts, and Suki frequently tells her that she learns faster than Suki can teach. She’s done every form of gymnastics imaginable- rhythmic, acrobatic, artistic- you name it, she’s done it. Originally she only took an interest in it because Azula begged her to join ballet with her, and Ty Lee found that she did like the strenuous physical exertion that ballet entailed, but everything just moved too slowly for her. Ty Lee likes fast-paced action, so gymnastics is the perfect fit for her. Sometimes, Azula will teach her some new ballet moves she learnt in class, and in return, Ty Lee will teach Azula a few gymnastics moves she invented by herself after following the standard textbook forms grew too boring. They once entered a talent show together and blew the crowd away with Azula’s captivating dancing and Ty Lee’s breathtaking gymnastics.

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