#like. it's insane to me that I can spontaneously decide to drive somewhere now. and I drove there without using google maps even though I

[running-in-the-dark]

I just came home after five hours of running errands - it would have been four but then I decided it would be easier if I just drove 30 minutes and picked my husband up from work, rather than (probably) having to leave the house again an hour after getting back (to pick him up from the bus stop in town).

I was totally fine as long as I was moving/busy, but now that I'm sitting on the couch... yeah I'm pretty sure I'll fall asleep soon. I'm so tired.

anyway - it's really nice that I actually enjoy driving now that I'm on the anxiety meds. I was constantly scared before - not in a way that would be dangerous or anything, probably the opposite of that actually. I'm still really careful and everything but now it's not because I'm scared, I'm just cautious. and I didn't realise this before but a big part of the anxiety around driving on my own was dealing with unexpected/unpredictable situations, just stuff like having to find a parking spot... that's totally fine now, I might think about it but I can just go 'I bet I'll be able to figure it out when I get there'. before, a thought like that would have been so terrifying and overwhelming that I wouldn't risk it, so I just wouldn't go at all 🙃

[j-j-ehlby-writes]

Almost (c.e.)

Pairing: Chris Evans x reader

Word Count: ~5.9k

Summary: You and Chris were set up on a blind date by your mutual friends. Sparks flew, but you never heard from him again. Two years later, you come face-to-face with him once more for their friends wedding.

Warnings: Some angst, swearing, not much else

A/N: This is a mixture of the movie “Life as We Know It” (mmm Daddy Josh Duhamel 🤤), a dating experience I had, and one scene from One Tree Hill. Enjoy.

My Masterlist

                    Two years ago…

My heart is pounding all the way to my ears. My hands are shaking under the table. My knee bounces uncontrollably as I wait.

I knew this was a bad idea. Why did I let her convince me to do this?

“You haven’t had a boyfriend for as long as I’ve known you.” My best friend so pointedly mentioned when we were out to lunch last week.

 “What’s wrong with that?” I counter.

“I’ve known you for three and a half years.” She deadpans. Even without looking at her, I know she has her eyebrow raised at me and her lips are pursed.

“Your point?” I know she thinks my serious lack of companionship these past few years is wearing on me, but it’s been quite the opposite. Not being attached is freeing. I can do what I want when I want; I don’t have anyone to answer to. If I want to sleep until 3 on a Saturday, I’m going to do it. If I don’t want to socialize with anyone, I won’t. If I want to take a spontaneous road trip, I’m going to do it. My life is my own and that’s how I like it.

“I want my best friend to have someone to experience life with.”

My shoulders dropped, sighing in defeat. There was no way I was getting out of this conversation.

“I want you to be as happy as I am.” I see the love in her eyes as her mind goes to her boyfriend and their new relationship. They’ve only been together for a few months, but I know that this is it for her. She’s a smitten kitten and he is equally as infatuated with her. They’re sickeningly cute. “Which is why I think you need to meet one of his friends-”

“Lemme stop you right there,” I interrupt her, “I hate blind dates.”

“You’ve never been on one.”

“And there’s a reason for that.” She rolled her eyes at me. “They’re cliché, they’re awkward for both parties, and they never amount to anything, thus being a total waste of time.”

She sighed, “Ever the skeptic.”

“And don’t you forget it.”

“Regardless,” she continues, “I think you’ll really like this guy. He’s already expressed interest in you.”

Like that makes everything better. “Great so now I have to live up to his impossible expectations of me when I know absolutely nothing about him.” As if the idea of a blind date wasn’t bad enough, now it’s only a semi-blind date. There’s no doubt in my mind that she has hyped me up impossibly high, that’s what a best friend is for. However, when your confidence level is next to none and already skeptical of the pending meeting, there’s no way he’ll like who I am in reality.

“I can tell you anything you want to know about him.” She is bargaining with me. She really wants me to meet this guy. She wouldn’t be trying this hard if she didn’t believe we would hit it off.

“Well is he nice?” This was the only real question I had. If he isn’t kind then there’s really no future.

“Incredibly!” She continues to tell me of the many things he has done for a charity he started a few years ago and slowly but surely she was starting to convince me. If he was that generous then he has to have a good heart and therefore is a good man.

How bad could it be?

I check my phone, glancing at the time. Great, he’s late. That can’t be a good start.

Numerous reasons why popped into my head.

Reason one: he saw me and bolted.

Reason two: he got into an accident on the way here and he could be in the hospital.

Reason three: he changed his mind and decided to stand me up.

More and more played through my head as I sipped my drink. 

By the time I was on my second drink, I was convinced he wasn’t showing up. I knew this was a ridiculous idea. I knew I shouldn’t have done this. I never should have listened to her.

I chugged the rest of my drink followed by some water before standing up to leave some cash. I was slightly humiliated for actually thinking this would be any different than all of my expectations.

My shoulder rammed into another as I turned to leave.

“Oh my, God, I’m so sorry!” A hand steadied me, gently grabbing the shoulder he ran into. “Are you okay?”

“My already small ego is a little bruised, but I think I’ll live.” I looked up to meet my assaulter’s eyes and immediately I froze.

Holy shit, it’s Chris Evans.

His piercing blue eyes were staring right at me, his concern was directed towards me. In all of his charming, ray of sunshine, bearded glory, he was here.

“I’m so sorry that I’m late. Traffic was insane over the bridge. I would have called but I don’t have your number.” He half-smirked but not in a cocky way. I’d seen him do it in interviews before. He could have come up with a lame excuse, but somehow I knew he was telling the truth.

“No, it’s okay. I understand completely.”

He sighed in relief, his gorgeous and perfect smile taking over his features. He looked down at the table and it disappeared. “Were you leaving?”

“Uh,” I stammered, “I was because I thought I was being stood up.”

“I feel awful. Please let me make it up to you. Let’s sit down, have a nice dinner, and get to know each other.”

I hesitate, now even more nervous than I was before.

As if sensing my hesitation, he decided to sweeten the pot a bit to persuade me, “We can even get dessert.”

I chuckle at his attempt. That’ll do it though. I sit back down with him following suit, finally starting our date.

We talked about everything. Anything and everything. No topic was off limits. Hours went by but it felt like minutes. We didn’t even know how long we’d been there until our waiter came to tell us that the restaurant was closed. We left and walked around the city until the night sky was giving way to the morning. He accompanied me back to my car, gave me the best hug I’ve ever received and a kiss on the cheek, promising we’ll get together again soon, and opening and closing my car door for me. I drove away with the biggest smile on my face and literal butterflies in my stomach. That was the best date I’d ever been on.

When I made it back to my apartment with the early morning rays peeking through my shades, I had a text message waiting for me from him. Just a simple good night, he had had an amazing time, and he couldn’t wait to see me again.

I fell asleep, hopeful. Hopeful that I would see him again, that this could maybe go somewhere. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but it was hard not to. I hadn’t felt this way in an exceptionally long time. I haven’t been on this good of a date in equally as long. I can’t wait to see him again…

                      Present day...

I finally pull into the parking lot after an hour stuck in traffic. My 12-hour day at work today has taken a lot out of me. I’m exhausted, mentally and physically. Thankfully though, my 2-week-long vacation starts tomorrow. After that, I have fourteen days of no working, no getting up at the ass crack of dawn to be able to drive in miserable traffic, no dealing with difficult or boring co-workers. Just fourteen days of rest and relaxation, after the wedding of course.

My best friend and her fiancé are getting married on Saturday. I’ve watched them go through all of their highs and lows throughout the last few years and when he came to me telling me he planned on proposing, I couldn’t have been happier for them. He even asked me to secretly photograph the moment for her. She was more than surprised about everything.

Now their wedding is here and everyone couldn’t be more excited to celebrate them.

Tomorrow is their rehearsal dinner. The wedding party and their plus ones are all invited.

I walk into my apartment, immediately relieving myself from the confines of my shoes. A heavenly scent registers to me and I’m carried all the way to the kitchen. I see my sexy boyfriend standing at the stove with his back towards me.

“Hey babe,” he calls without turning around.

I hum, happily making my way towards him. I wrap my arms around his waist, placing a kiss on his back. “What is that unbelievable smell?”

He chuckles, vibrating through his chest. “Your favorite, of course.”

I hum again, “You spoil me, baby.”

He chuckles again, turning in my arms. His handsome face finally came into view. His gorgeous brown eyes look into mine as I get lost in his. For the past year, I’ve been the happiest I’ve been in a while. Since the day I met him, it was like everything fell into place. He’s sweet, ambitious, funny, kindhearted, passionate, and just overall the best man I had ever met. He makes me so happy…

Oh who am I kidding? He’s perfect. He is everything I ever wanted. If I made a list of all of the qualities I wanted in a husband, he would check off every single box.

But the feelings I have had for him over the last year are nothing compared to what I had in one night for him. I find myself wishing his eyes were bright blue instead of dark brown. I wish his arms were around me instead of the ones around me right now. The butterflies from that night have stayed dormant ever since.

I don’t know what happened after that night. I honestly thought we had a good time that night. Conversations flowed seamlessly. We made each other laugh so hard we had tears running down our faces. The physical connection was there- at first he had his arm around my shoulders as we walked around town, but as time went on he slowly moved lower around my waist, eventually intertwining our hands together until we arrived back at our cars. He even said that he wanted to see me again.

But I never heard from him again after that one text message. No call, no text, not even a message from my friend’s boyfriend. Nothing. I was disappointed beyond belief. I didn’t think he was that guy: the type to ditch someone without any explanation or goodbye. I thought I understood him to be a gentleman. Everything I had read about him pointed to him being one of the purest humans in the world. This was the opposite of all of that.

From that day on, I’ve loathed him. He gave me the perfect evening and then cut me off cold turkey from anything further. I have a three strike rule. His first: he was late. His second: he tricked me into liking him. His third: he lied to me. Three strikes and he’s out.

I have tried not to look back since. It’s not without its difficulties though since he’s literally everywhere. On magazine covers, in commercials, movie trailers, streaming services- he’s there. Why did he have to be such a successful actor? If he weren’t, it would make for forgetting him that much easier.

No closure. No answers. Nothing.

The rehearsal dinner went smoothly the next night which hopefully was foreshadowing for the big day itself. 

A majority of us were standing around about to start when the doors loudly being opened drew everyone’s attention away from our milling about. A man stood in the middle of the doorway then strode in like he owned the place. The closer he got, the more the details of his face came into focus.

No. Freaking. Way.

I look toward my best friend. She looked like she wasn’t shocked he was late, but she knew he was coming. I creep up behind her and clear my throat. Instantly she cringed.

“Did you forget to tell me something?” I whisper to her.

She sends me an apologetic smile, “Well, I actually put off telling you ‘cause I didn’t know how you would react and then I meant to tell you last night but with the whole ‘I’m getting married in two days’ buzz took over and now the rehearsal is here-”

“Just please tell me I’m not walking in with him.” I beg.

She chuckles nervously before she escaped to go greet him with her fiancé.

I turn to her sister who is also one of my closest friends. “Did you know he was going to be a groomsman?”

The guilt written in her face tells me everything I need to know. “She made me promise not to tell you.”

I groan, “The loyalty level around here is staggeringly low.”

I head over to where my boyfriend is standing and take comfort in his arms before I have to deal with the man who broke my heart.

“Are you okay?” He asks a little confused by my actions.

I nod, “Just tired from last night.” He chuckles at the mention of the night before, squeezing me into his chest.

“Alright everyone! Time to get started.” The wedding coordinator beckons us all to the back entrance of the barn standing next to our corresponding wedding party member. I stand right in front of the Maid of Honor and Best Man. I kept my eyes forward focusing on anything but the guy who took his place next to me.

“It’s good to see you,” He murmurs to me over the instructions of the coordinator.

I scoff and roll my eyes. He has the nerve to say that to me after two years of silence. I imagined a million times what it would be like to see him again. I’d imagined a lot of screaming with possible hitting. Or I thought about the ever-effective, old fashioned silent treatment. He doesn’t deserve to know that our one night out together effected me so much and I’ve carried a rather large torch for him ever since. At the very moment, it will be the latter, but there’s no telling what tonight and tomorrow will bring.

“Now ladies, rest- don’t grab- your hand near the crook of his arm. Men, keep your arm at that angle with an open hand resting on your stomach- no fist. And don’t forget to smile- this is a happy day!” As quickly as he showed up, the coordinator was on to the bride and her father before either of us could register he was there.

I begrudgingly did as I was instructed, “resting” my hand on his bare forearm, holding a stand-in bouquet for the occasion in my other hand.

“Are you not going to talk to me?” He speaks again but I ignore him once more.

Thankfully that was when it was our turn to walk down the aisle. For the rest of the rehearsal, he didn’t get a chance to say anything else. As soon as we were done, I go straight for my boyfriend. I figured there’s no way he would approach me if I were with another man.

We all head to the restaurant afterwards to celebrate the last night before our friends begin their lives together as husband and wife. I keep my distance from Chris, always sticking close with my boyfriend.

The one moment I was alone was when I went to the bathroom. I thought for the few minutes I wouldn’t be in danger.

However I was wrong.

As soon as I step out an arm shot out in front of me. A very pale muscular arm.

“Are you seriously going to ignore me for the next two days?”

I duck under his arm fully planning on continuing what I set out to do.

“Y/N,” he grabs my arm, “will you please talk to me? What did I do to make you so mad at me?”

I whip around hopefully sending daggers his way. “Are you serious right now?”

“She finally speaks!” He exclaims.

“Because I cannot believe what I’m hearing. Like, I don’t think I heard you right.” All of the feelings I’ve been burying for two years were making their way up to the surface and I don’t think I can stop them. “We had a fantastic night. It was literally the best night of my life, it was the most comfortable with a guy that I had ever been. You made me laugh, you gave me butterflies, you helped me feel for the first time in years.” I try to swallow down the lump that was forming in my throat. “You told me you wanted to see me again. You made me excited for the future for once in my life… and then you took it away.”

With every second that passed, his expression got closer and closer to utter defeat: his shoulders slumped, his grip on my arm loosened, his jaw slowly unclenched, his eyebrows furrowed.

“You were late,” I hold up one finger, “You tricked me,” two fingers,” “You lied to me.” Three fingers were up and in front of his face for emphasis. “Three strikes and you’re out.”

I back away from him, having nothing more I wanted to say. As soon as I turned the corner, I felt liberated… for about five seconds. When that passed, devastation hit. For the last two years, I’ve held out hope- I tried not to- but I did, that maybe someday something could happen between us. That maybe, just maybe, we could pick up where we left off that night.

Now that the moment of confrontation has come and gone, I feel all the hope fade away. All of those possibilities I pictured have left the building. Being with him is no longer an option. I have my boyfriend who makes me happy, who gives me everything I could possibly want.

The rest of the night went on without another incident. Chris kept his distance. However, I could feel his eyes on me for every second that passed as we sat at the table. It was a relief when we finally left and could retreat back to our hotel rooms for the night. The bride and I got to stay in a suite that we’ll all be getting ready in in the morning. They wanted to uphold the “not seeing each other the night before the wedding,” even though they’ve lived with each other for a year and a half now.

On the wedding day, everything went according to plan. Everyone was on time to hair and make-up, pictures went flawlessly, the weather cooperated with everything, Chris didn’t attempt to talk to me at all- it was a perfect day to watch two people who love each other commit to the other for the rest of their lives.

But then came the reception. That’s when I knew apparently all bets would be off. The ceremony was over. Niceties would wear off as more and more alcohol is consumed. I was not looking forward to it.

We make our ridiculous entrances and take our seats at the head table. We eat then speeches were made. Lots of laughs were had as the Best Man dished on stories he had with the groom growing up, a few tears were shed at her sister’s after recounting the moment the bride knew he was the man of her dreams- overall I’d say they were a success.

Again, I felt his eyes on me, burning holes in the side of my head from the other side of the groom for the entire dining portion of the evening. I kept myself from glancing in his direction, instead focusing on the conversations with the bride’s sister next to me and my boyfriend who is across the way- anything not to meet his eyes.

Finally the DJ announces it was time for all to convene on the dancefloor after the specialty dances. I immediately see my boyfriend start to stand, knowing he’d been ready for this all night. I’d been looking forward to dancing with him all night as well, I even removed my shoes in anticipation. As I stand up, a hand is held out in front of me. I knew whose hand it was. I remember staring at it as he would rub his lips on our date. The strength of it as it intertwined with mine as we walked down the streets of our town, the safeness I felt as he squeezed it if he detected I was getting anxious around a group of people and I needed the reassurance. I knew that hand well, unfortunately.

“Dance with me?” He nearly whispers in my ear. I didn’t realize he was that close until I could feel said whisper on my neck. I contain the shiver that runs down my spine at how husky his voice is. God I’ve missed that…

No! I will not be enchanted by him again. He does not deserve me.

I exhale the breath I was holding, it comes out a lot harsher than I expected. “No, thank you.” I turn away from him, but his hand gently grabs my arm stopping me from going any further.

He whispers again, “He’s not good enough for you,” before walking away.

I’m frozen in place. I glare at his retreating back as he makes his way over to the bar. My mouth hangs open in disbelief. How dare he… How fucking dare he assume anything about me or my relationship. He doesn’t know anything about what our relationship is like. My boyfriend treats me so well, spoils me even though I know I don’t deserve it. He listens to me, he cares about me, and he makes me laugh until I cry- he’s everything I’ve wanted in a man. Chris is the one who had his chance and subsequently blew it. He has no right to judge or even comment on my relationship when he knows absolutely nothing about it.

I hurriedly make my way to my awaiting boyfriend and pull him onto the crowded dancefloor. “You okay?” He asks me, “Did he say something to upset you?”

“Nothing worth repeating.” All I wanted to do was forget about him and his irrelevant feelings towards my relationship…

…Except I couldn’t. His words rattled me. Does he see something I don’t? He told me on our date that he’s an excellent judge of character so he wouldn’t say something like that unless he got a bad feeling, right? Either that or he said it just to get under my skin and force me to talk to him. No matter the reason I hate him for it because my pride won’t let it stand.

I spot him leaning against the bar, staring directly at the two of us over the rim of his glass. His perfect eyebrow quirks up at the eye contact, that sets my blood to boiling. He thinks he’s so smug. I wish I could just slap that stupid hidden smirk right off his perfect face…

Following a few dances, I mutter something about him going to dance with the bride to my boyfriend before exiting the dancefloor. I rush out of the barn, away from the crowd needing some air from his suffocating gaze. I find a little lit area that’s perfect for pictures. There are rectangular hay bales set together as a makeshift U-shaped bench with some low watt bulbs strung up above between two poles. It would be serene if I weren’t already on edge.

After taking a few deep breaths, I finally feel like I can speak without yelling. “You had no right.”

I didn’t have to turn around to know he followed me out here. It’s exactly what I wanted him to do, just like it was his intention to get under my skin. As much as I wished to avoid this conversation it seems that we can’t go on without it. We may tear each other apart in the process, but this is my chance for closure. This is my only opportunity to get the answers I’ve been needing to move on for the past two years. Two years of wondering what went wrong after the most perfect date I’ve ever been on with an equally perfect man has been eating at my heart and mind. I hated always wondering “what if” or “what would I be doing right now if I were with him” especially when I started dating my boyfriend. I had no answers as to why those questions could not be. I thought with time I’d stop asking them, thinking I’d never see the man again. He’s a big movie star, why would he wonder about a woman he went on one date with?

As I expected, his deep baritone voice comes behind me, but his words do little to ease my nerves. In fact they set them off even more so than before. “I’m sorry.”

I scoff at his half-hearted apology, knowing he doesn’t mean it at all. “Oh bite me, Christopher.” I turn around to face him. God he looks even better out here. The subtle gold glow from the lights are complimenting his skin tone, they make his baby blues shine which just frustrates me more.

“Please, Y/N,-” He takes a step closer to me, but I won’t have that. 

“No,” I take a step back keeping the needed distance between us for fear I may strangle him. “I don’t want to hear any of your bullshit excuses. You had no right to pass judgment on a relationship that you know absolutely nothing about.”

He slips his hands into the pockets of his dress pants. “Oh, I’ve seen enough.”

“Really?” I jut my hip out, resting my hand on it. “In the two days you’ve been here, you think you’ve got us all figured out?”

“Yes,” he answers with conviction. 

My shaking hands clench into fists, trying my damnedest not to lose control. I entangle them into my hair as best as I can without ruining the work the hairstylist did this morning before running them down my face. He has some nerve. 

“We had one night. One night! One nearly perfect night together and suddenly that makes you an expert on what is good for me?”

“I wouldn’t say ‘an expert’-”

“I wouldn’t say anything!” I interrupt, “I never heard from you again. Now after two years, you come in here acting like you know anything about me or my relationship? Who do you think you are?”

“A man who made a mistake!” He snaps.

There was a long pause. I never expected to hear that from him. All these years I wanted to think the worst of him for leaving me hanging like that. He got my hopes up, thinking we may have a future together only for them to come crashing back down to Earth when he never contacted me again. I wondered and wondered if maybe I read the signals wrong. Maybe I took his flirting as more than it was. Maybe the small gestures like his arm around my shoulders, on the small of my back, or the hand holding were only him being friendly. I wracked my brain going over every single detail of the night to try and pinpoint a reason for him not to have called me afterwards. I found nothing, which was equally as frustrating.

“Alright, I made a mistake.” He moves to sit on one of the hay bales. He rests his elbows on his knees and buries his head in his hands, letting out a huge sigh. “God I wanted everything with you.”

Once again, I’m frozen by his words. He what? But that doesn’t make sense. His words and his actions don’t line up- how could that be?

He removes his hands from his face, staring at the grass. “After that night, I wanted it all. I wanted to settle down, get the house with a white picket fence in the suburbs, carry you through the threshold after our wedding day, bring our children home from the hospital, watch them grow until we’re old and gray. I wanted everything.”

My heart aches. All of that was exactly what I wanted, especially with him. I could feel the tears building behind my eyes, my heart breaking mourning the loss of what we could have had by now if he had only said something.

I also find my anger growing as well. If he felt all of that, why did he not contact me again? Why did he give me hope that our night out together could have been the start of something good and then taken it away just as quickly?

“But?” There had to be a “but” coming after his statement. Clearly something stopped him from pursuing the possibility of “us,” destroying any future we could have had.

He sighs, “but…” he finally looks up at me with more emotion in his eyes than I was expecting. There was contemplation, confusion, honesty, agony…

I look away. In an instant I knew what he was about to say. It makes complete sense. He was at the height of his career, shooting movie after movie all around the world for a majority of the year. How would he have had time to have a relationship mixed in with that? He couldn’t.

“Your career was more important,” I interject, “I get it. I do.” I couldn’t fault him for choosing work over someone he just met, no matter how much he claims to have liked me right off the bat. He was going to be busy. We probably wouldn’t have had a lot of time to see each other. It’s not like I could give up my career to follow him. Besides even if I could have, he wouldn’t want that. He said so himself. He wanted someone who was independent; who could do their own thing and not be enveloped in his crazy life.

He stands up and steps closer to me, “no, that wasn’t it. I promise you that wasn’t it.”

There’s that word. Promise. He promised we’d see each other again soon after our night together. But he broke that.

“Then what was it?” My voice cracks at the end. I can feel my reserves slipping the more he speaks. I didn’t realize how much I missed his voice until now. I haven’t seen any of the movies he’s been in the last few years. I have him and his hashtag blocked on all social media platforms so I don’t see anything of his on any of my timelines. My other friends think I don’t like him (only my best friend and her now husband know about our date). To hear it again brings back all of the good memories we made together in that short night and all of the emotions I’ve been holding back since. “I have been wracking my brain for years wondering what went wrong after that.”

“I got scared,” he finally admits the truth. “I got scared of how much I liked you and how much I wanted to protect you.”

“From what?”

“From me,” he casts his gaze down at his hands as he fidgets with them, “and my life. I didn’t want to subject you to the chaos that is my life. I know what my fans would do to you if we were in a relationship, I was trying to protect you from all of the ugly that being with me comes with.”

So that’s what he was afraid of? He was afraid our relationship would inevitably end exactly like his last one? His “fans” were horrible to her. They sent death threats to her and her family members, always commenting negatively on her social media pages all because she was dating him. I remember reading about it right after it happened. I knew that side of his fandom was toxic. But did I care? No. Did I think I couldn’t handle it? I honestly don’t know, but would I have been willing to deal with it for him? Yes. I would have given up anything to be with him. That’s precisely why he did what he did. He didn’t want me giving anything up for him because he knows I’d be giving up any semblance of privacy I had if I were in a public relationship with him.

If I had known these were the reasons why he ghosted me, I would have been broken hearted but I would have understood. Hell, I probably would have fallen more in love with him if I knew that, not fallen in loathe.

He continues, “I thought that if I never contacted you again, you could move on”- he clears his throat-“and find someone better than me who could give you the normal life you deserve. Which as much as I wish I couldn’t, I see that you have…” he pauses as if deciding whether he should keep speaking. When I don’t stop him, he does, “But I can’t help feeling like that could have been me.”

My slightly shaky hands cover his fidgeting ones. His hand moves until he’s intertwining our fingers together, palms touching. They fit perfectly together as if they were each other’s missing puzzle piece. His thumbs stroke mine sending warmth down my arms all the way down to my toes. The sparks I felt back then return with full force. He leans down, pressing his forehead against mine. My heart is beating out of my chest, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t feel it in some way.

I feel my heart break in my chest. My lip quivers and the tears threaten to make themselves known. My only saving grace is the fact that he can’t see my face. I may lose it completely if he did.

His breath is coming out equally as shaky between us, he squeezes my hands as if he doesn’t want me to let go. Believe me, I don’t want to. I bring one of our interlocked hands up to my lips. I kiss the back of his hand because I can’t kiss him where I want to. I pull back just enough to see his beautiful baby blues that could have any woman in the world swoon. They were terribly bloodshot right now but that only made them more tragically breathtaking. I tear one of my hands out of his and bring it to his cheek. He leans into it, a tear drops into the crevices between the contact.

The barely above whisper that came out was all I could muster without having a total breakdown because he’s right. It could have been him. We could have been something great. We could have built a life together. We could have had it all. And it broke my heart into a million pieces knowing all of this could have been avoided if life had handed both of us different lives.

“It almost was.”

~*~

Taglist: @the-marvel-wars​ @elusive-beauty​ @drakesfiance @im-a-slut-for-an-accent​ @fantasy-is-my-reality​ @princess-evans-addict​

[egyptsblackrose]

Dancing with Strangers

This is by far the longest chapter, hopefully I’ve tied all the loose ends and come to a decent conclusion. Stay tuned fro more fics.

Part 1 - https://egyptsblackrose.tumblr.com/post/648370506842701824/a-rose-by-any-other-name

Part 5 -https://egyptsblackrose.tumblr.com/post/654891313044635648/dancing-with-strangers-there-will-be-one-more-part

Part 6- The end, enjoy!

It had been eight months since your first meeting with Gojo Satoru and Kakashi Hatake. This had been the longest relationship either men had ever had, both as a three or on their own. It was also painfully clear how absolutely in love both men were with you, and you with them. The change in the three of you was as clear as day, never had anyone seen each of you so happy - is what you constantly heard from everyone you knew, and when you ran into a friend or relative of theirs… with a few exceptions.

The truth had come out about a month in that Gojo was the one with all the money. A ‘representative of his household’ had come to the apartment to visit and go over ‘matters concerning the family’. Satoru had been so laid back through the whole thing, smirking mockingly at the clearly uncomfortable (stuck up) old butler. He’d grabbed your waist as you were walking towards the door to leave, pulling you down and into his lap. It became clear that he wanted to mess with the man opposite him, even Kakashi seemed in on it because he kissed you sweetly as he walked passed.

Gojo wasn’t able to hide his bitterness when the man finally left though, burying his head into your neck and hugging you tightly. His father had been a politician and his mother a CEO of a successful company, he still had connections because of them and shares that were doing incredibly well. Not to mention their life insurance had been enough to set anyone for life.

“It’s not like I was close to them to begin with.” He’d muttered in a bored manner when you’d teared up at the mention of a Satoru toddler being left alone, surrounded by people who wanted to use him for money, power and influence. The butler was a man hired by his fathers old political party and the other share holders at his mothers company. They apparently weren’t best pleased with him settling for being a small time policeman, had hoped to mould him into their puppet to keep both their money making schemes going.

To cheer the three of you up, Gojo had taken the three of you on a spontaneous trip to an Onsen that one of his friends owns, up in the middle of no where. The beautiful, traditional building with modern interior was nestled on the side of a frigging mountain that could only be reached through a thick, ancient forest.

You were the only three guests, and the workers were even excused for the evening, so it felt like you were the only three in the world with the next person been miles away. Which you were insanely grateful for. Because Kakashi and Gojo had made it a completion between them on who could make you scream the loudest.

Three months later, Kakashi had appeared out of no where behind you while you were cooking dinner, wrapping his arms round you gently and kissing your neck soothingly. “Would you join me for a day out tomorrow?”

“Of course I will,” You giggled, shivering as his lips ghosted over the marks on your neck and shoulders, drawing invisible lines like he was drawing constellations. “Where are we going?”

Hatake was silent for a moment before he squeezed you tighter. “I’m going to introduce you to my father.”

To say you were nervous was an understatement, you had agonised over the right outfit for hours the night before, asking both Miku and Sakura for their help. You should have known better, they had spent the majority of the time gushing over your boyfriends and how serious it was getting between you. After all, no one had ever heard of the two most wanted bachelors introducing their conquests to their family and friends, or even going on trips with their lovers, let alone keeping their interest this long.

Finally settling on one of your favourite outfits; something simple, comfortable and trendy, you kept your make-up light and as natural as possible and called yourself ready. Meeting at their apartment, you were surprised to see Kakashi in his policeman formal uniform. God the man looked dashing. Wearing white gloves, black dress shoes, a smart navy suit, light blue tie, hat tucked under his arm and a smirk on his handsome face.

“Enjoying the view baby?” He teased.

You nodded dumbly, bitting your lip to try hide your smirk. “Just when I thought you couldn’t get any more handsome, you have to go devastate my heart like that.”

“Maybe me and Sato should wear these tonight then.” The suggestion had your thighs clenching, suddenly it was hard to swallow. Hatake chuckled lazily having seen your reaction. “Later baby girl, for now, we have somewhere to go.”

The cemetery was the LAST place you were expecting this day to take you. Kakashi stopped at his fathers tome stone and saluted. It was at least two decades since his fathers death. Kakashi Sakumo, Hatake’s father, had been a respected police detective, and his whole inspirational drive to become a policeman. When Hatake was young, his father had led a team in a drug bust against some of the biggest names in the Yakuza, but had chosen to save his men’s lives rather than capture the villains when things had gone wrong.

The ‘failure’ was a black mark against his name, and soon his was shunned by the media, his fellow detectives and the whole police force. The abuse became so bad, that he took his own life. From then on, Hatake had lived and grown up with Gojo who he was already inseparable with.

“For the longest time…I blamed him too.” Kakashi admitted quietly, holding onto your hand like a life line. “He had a duty to take those dangerous men off the streets, to make the city a safer place for the public, for kids who were in danger of either being hooked onto drugs or joining gangs. Instead he chose to save the lives of his team.” You were silent, what could you possibly say to ease his pain? “But now…” Hatake raised his head with a proud smile. “My views have changed. He didn’t want to chase glory, he just wanted to do the right thing and save lives. In that moment, they needed him, he saw that and did his best. He was willing to die for his men, he didn’t want to see all those family’s mourning for lives he could have spared. I can only hope that one day, I will be as brave as him.”

You are not ashamed to say you cried, standing there looking at the grave of the man who had made Hatake into the man he was. Into the man you loved. You bowed deeply and gave your thanks, promising out loud to take care of his son for as long as you were allowed. Kakashi’s own eyes watered at this as he pulled you close. You don’t know how long you stood there holding each other for, but it didn’t feel like long enough. Part of you thought it would never be enough when it came to the two amazing men who looked at you like you were their whole world.

After the visit, Kakashi had taken you to the old, more traditional part of town so you could go to his favourite restaurant. The two of you were the first to arrive and the last to leave, laughing so much to the point where you were both in tears. It was so light and care free, and you could see the weight just lift off of Hatake’s shoulders.

And when you both finally made it back to their apartment, Gojo was sat on the sofa waiting. Smirking. Also in uniform. That night, not one of you slept.

With your hands locked together in cuffs and blindfold around your eyes, you shook like a leaf in the wind as Kakashi took you from behind, Gojo at your front. If it had been anyone else trying to blindfold you and tie you up, you would have absolutely said no. As it was, Kakashi loved seeing you so vulnerable. So much so that he had stretched your arse as he’d enthusiastically eaten you out, and was now taking advantage of his VERY thorough prep work. He held a vibrator to your clit as he fucked your arse, Gojo keeping your mouth open and busy as he kissed you hungrily so they could hear your moans, squeezing and playing with your tits as he took your front just as roughly.

Not only did you squirt first time, your pretty sure you blacked out for a second. Not that the boys were deterred, they knew you’d tell them if it became too much. Besides, the sounds you were making; the moans, the wet squelching from how wet you were, it was the best yet. You couldn’t walk the next day though and had to ask Miku to record your lecture.

By the fifth month, Gojo and Kakashi had broached the idea of you moving in with them. It was a casual comment made in light conversation one Sunday morning, when they FIRST brought it up. Then it was Kakashi suggesting you keep more of your things with them, mostly because you would ask them to take you back to your apartment with the girls so you could get ready for the day, meaning you would leave earlier than they would like. Eventually Gojo decided they were being too subtle and would cling to you in the mornings, begging you to not leave and to stay with them.

“You guys remember that I’m living with two roommates already right? I can’t just up and leave them like that, they won’t be able to afford rent!”

“But beautifu~l! We want you here with us!”

“What our idiot means to say baby-”

“Hey!”

“Is that, you already spend so much time here, and we love having you with us. Our apartment is even closer to your Uni building! It makes sense surely, for you to move in with us. Or for us even to find a place together-”

“Wow, ok slow down there!” You butt in quickly, cheeks turning pink. Finally the boys had had enough of dancing around the subject and had sat you down to talk about it properly. Talking about moving into their lush apartment was one thing, but talking about a place together, was something else entirely!

Gojo pouted at you in annoyance. “What, you don’t want to live with us?”

“I’m not saying that!” You defended instantly, frowning at him. “I’m saying it’s a BIG step, and I get that you guys feel ready for it, but I don’t ok? For one, five months isn’t that much time dating someone, second, I don’t even have a job yet! And don’t tell me money isn’t an issue and I don’t have to pay rent cause God help me Satoru, I will get up and leave right now.” You threatened.

“Ok you two, lets take a deep breath and talk about this calmly ok?” Hatake soothed, squeezing both your hands. “Baby, if you don’t feel ready then that’s fine, we will not force you. But please know that when you ARE ready, we WANT you here. Ok?” Nodding in understanding, you started to relax. Gojo huffed and crossed his arms, but nodded in agreement. “And about you looking for a job and paying rent. We are not trying to baby you or the like, we just want to take care of you. We know you can take care of yourself but that wont stop us from WANTING to take care of you because you are YOURS. Understand? We love and cherish you, and if we can help you, we want to. If it was us in a difficult situation and you could help us, you would, wouldn’t you?”

“Of course, in a heartbeat.” You muttered with a slight pout.

Kakashi beamed. “It’s the same in our eyes.” And that had been the end of that…for the time being that is.

Just short of the six month mark, you had agreed to go out again with the girls for a night out. Kakashi and Gojo had encouraged you to go, promising that when they were done with their shift, they would come pick you up. They had even bought you a gift voucher for your birthday to buy a new outfit. You had been sure to send the boys a flattering pic of yourself all dolled up before you had left for the night, receiving such thirsty replies that no one would guess that you had spent the night before with them.

The night had been going perfectly, once again you were the most sober of the group, which you were now used to. You had a nice buzz going, there had already been so many laughs and the girls were excitedly giggling about the stories you shared on your boyfriends. (Of course the intimate, personal things you kept to yourself.) You had been to a few bars and your group agreed to end the night at the club you had met your boys in, ‘The Ninja Shrine’. Texting the two policemen still on shift, you let them know that you and your friends had arrived safely, were going to order your drinks and you would be eagerly waiting for them for a dance.

Gojo replied with multiple winky, smirky, and red with sweat drop faces. Kakashi was the only one to give you a verbal reply, promising to be there as soon as they could, and ‘ordering’ you to behave until they arrived. It made you smile, biting your lip. ‘No promises’ was your reply with a winky face, locking your phone and ignoring the bings that followed, knowing that would rile them up more than a reply.

Despite the clear teasing, you stayed against the bar, talking and laughing with your friends as you sipped at your drink. The girls did try convince you to dance with them at one point, but you were waiting a certain pair to join you. After all, dancing with the girls was fun, but it was even better when you had certain pairs of eyes on your body.

“Oh shit,” Miku cursed, suddenly grabbing your arm and turning you away from the door.

“What the hell-?”

“Don’t turn around!” Miku earned, holding onto your shoulders. “One of your boys’s old flings is here, and trust me you don’t want anything to do with her.” Looking subtly out of the corner of your eyes, you saw a pretty strawberry blonde with soft brown eyes and a confident smirk. You could clearly see her figure through her flashy outfit, her expensive designer shoes and handbag on show like she was on the Paris run way. “She was with them for four months, her names Claire Aoki, and she’s a psycho if you ask me.” Miku continued carefully.

Before you could react, the door opened once more and in came your two boyfriends, looking like sex on legs. Gojo wore a flashy designer get up with black jeans and dress shoes, a blue shirt and a leather jacket that you knew for a fact cost more than your joint rent with the girls. Kakashi was also in black dress shoes, black dress pants, a dark grey shirt and a lighter grey silk vest. Their eyes landed on you immediately and began smiling. You smiled back, beaming when they started heading your way.

They hadn’t made it two steps before they were stopped by Claire, her red manicured-nailed hands resting on their chests as she leaned in towards them, pressing her chest into their arms. Kakashi looked panicked, eyes widening as his eyes darted up towards you, then down to her and back. Gojo’s smile shrunk, it was still there, but it looked much more forced now as his blue eyes narrowed at the other woman.

Curious, and not worried at all, you leaned back against the bar. You turned to make yourself look as relaxed as possible, replicating the same look you had the night they had pulled you away from your friends to charm the pants off of you. Your head tilted and your smile grew as their eyes kept on drifting to you. Whatever Claire was saying clearly wasn’t keeping their attention.

Your smile turned to a smirk as Beast by Mia Martina started playing, slowly pushing off the bar as you headed to the dance floor, your friends following. Closing your eyes, you let the music take you away, body rolls moving slow, deliberate. You caught their eyes by dancing for yourself, but now you knew their weaknesses, the parts of you that they loved to tease and squeeze, you knew their bodies like you knew your own. And you fully intended to use that to your advantage.

“Keep your eyes on me,” You sang, looking both men dead in the eyes, smirking as their gazes struggled to meet yours, roaming your form hungrily like they hadn’t seen you in months. “Come here right now,” You continued, your hands reaching out to them, beckoning them to you. “Cause when the sun goes down the beast comes out,” Dropping to the floor, you straightened your legs so you were bent in half, slowly coming up and curving your back as you flipped your hair back gracefully.

“Take you down, down can you keep it up all night,” Smirking, you spun slowly as you exaggerated your hip swaying, making sure they got an eye full of your behind. “You all over my skin, I’m anxious, paint my body boy’s I’ll be your canvas.” Your head snapped back, showcasing all their bruises that they left from the night before.

Next thing you knew, two sets of hands were gripping you tight, one set on your hips and another on your upper thighs. “Da~nm Beautiful!” Gojo growled lowly into your ear, your grin stretching as you giggled, Kakashi ducking his head to bite your neck. “First you ignore us, then you go and put on a show like that for anyone to see. What are you trying to do, hu? You just want us to bend you over our knees don’t you?”

“Maybe I do,” You teased. “Or maybe I’m trying to prove a point to someone who was getting too handsy with what wasn’t theirs.”

“Oh? Someone was getting jealous? As sexy as you are ‘staking your claim’, doesn’t change the fact that your going to get your punishment when we get home, beautifu~l!” Satoru teased, his hand dragging up your body till his hand was at your neck, then he squeezed.

Kakashi let out a ragged breath at your moan. “I think we should get out of here.” Pressing himself harder into you, you could feel his impatience clearly through his pants.

You dared to look around you, eyes meeting with soft brown eyes glaring daggers at you with so much hatred. You would have been scared six months ago, you would have shrunk and shied away. But how could you now when Gojo and Kakashi were stood with you, hands all over you, demanding your love and attention, making you feel so treasured and powerful.

“Kiss me first.” You demanded. Satoru didn’t even hesitate for a second, pulling you into a searing kiss full of passion and desire. You faintly heard Miku and your friends cat call and wolf whistle somewhere near the bar, causing Gojo to pull away and chuckle. The opening was all Kakashi needed. His kiss was equally breathtaking, his movements slower and more controlled, but clearly as desperate to lay claim.

When Hatake pulled away, Gojo effortlessly picked you up and threw you over his shoulder, smacking your arse when you struggled. So you smacked his right back. Again, you couldn’t walk the next day.

By the end of the eight first months, you had finally landed a job interview and was offered the job on the spot, starting small but promised promotions if your work was up to standard. Around the same time your lease on the shared apartment with your friends was up, and you had finally given into your boyfriends hints and agreed to look for a place you could all afford together. What’s more, your graduation was less than a month away. Things were finally falling into place.

You had yet to broach the subject of your relationship status with your parents, though you were pretty sure they had figured out that you were at least dating someone by this point. Admitting that you hadn’t mentioned anything to your parents, you were nervous how the boys would react. But they had simply shrugged, nodded in understanding and reminding you that if you needed their help they were here for you.

Most importantly, you had a job you were doing well in, you were moving into a beautiful home, your friends were happy and doing well in their own fields, and you had two men who loved you unconditionally. You were sure everything was going to work out just right. And with Gojo and Satoru by your side, you could over come anything.

[imo-chan-imagines]

『 Their best sexual characteristic | Haikyuu!! Headcanons 』

Part 4/?

Characters: female!reader, Kageyama Tobio, Nishinoya Yuu, Tendou Satori

Tags/warnings: Haikyuu!! (anime), 18+, explicit descriptions of sex, headcanons, imagines

Attention: All characters in this series are aged up to be at least 18+

⚠️ 18+ CONTENT! MINORS: PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT ⚠️

A/N: I've noticed that the more I do these, the longer they get, and now I feel bad that some of the others might have been neglected T^T

Oh, and I got a new phone, and now the emojis don't look the same... Please tell me if any of them look weird or don't fit the ~vibe~. Previous parts are linked at the bottom ♡ Thanks for reading! Please enjoy! Imo~

Kageyama Tobio

» How vocal he is

Kageyama can't help it, but he moans, groans, and growls with every second of pleasure those deep thrusts have him singinggg 👅

It's such a desperate, stimulating sound that falls from his lips

It turns you on no end hnng

Gets your pussy dripping, which drives him insane

It didn't used to be like that, though

At first he used to stifle his sounds because he was embarrassed

He had heard somewhere stupid that it was 'unmanly' to moan during sex, and became self conscious about it my poor, sweet baby 😭

Like, who even thought if that?! Shame on you!! >:(

But it didn't take long for you to realise something was wrong he had to be so focused just to hold it in, so it was kind of obvious something was up

So one time, when he was buried inside you, clearly struggling to stifle the sounds in his throat, you pulled his head down to your lips and whispered in his ear how much you wanted to hear him moan for you

He was a little taken aback at first, wondering if it was really okay he looked so innocent right then

But you stroked his hair and reassured him that you wanted every part of him, and he didn't have to hold back or hide anything from you like, please. Guys' moans are so hot 💦

As he eased into it, getting used to allowing the sounds to flow, his thrusts got deeper and faster, the blush on his cheeks reddening with every inch further inside you so freaking adorable

He was pressed down on top of you with his hips flush with yours, his desperate sounds filling your ears, pushing you closer to the edge

It was mind-numbing how erotic it was to finally hear just how much he wanted you – how good it felt inside you

And when he came with a whimpering moan of relief, you toppled over the edge, spasming around him please, omg

You had a soft heart-to-heart about it after, curled up in bed together, making sure he felt comfortable with things and LOVED, DAMN IT

Lots of hand holding, hair stroking, and forehead and shoulder kisses by both of you 💋

Now he never hides it from you as it should be

It's brought you much closer as lovers, deepening the connection between you. You're both much happier now it's too cute, I fucking can't

Though the neighbours aren't so appreciative 🤭

I literally love Kageyama. Please cherish him with your entire soul

Nishinoya Yuu

» His spontaneity

There's no such thing a dull sex routine with this hyperactive firecracker 💥

Or any kind of routine, for that matter lmao

Anything romantic or sexual always happens spur of the moment, keeping it fresh and interesting and damn hot *fans self*

Now, Noya isn't massive in the dick department, no third leg, I'm afraid, ladies

But he's actually really decently sized, and as it turns out, the perfect size and shape for quickies which you most definitely do a lot of

Noya definitely isn't afraid of sex in public places kinda turns him on, tbh

Places you've boned, given him a blowjob, dry humped, or he's fingered you include: the park (behind some trees), in the car, in the stall of a restaurant toilet, and at the beach never again, omg, the FREAKING SAND

All this spontaneity, however, means that you're sometimes caught without a condom which will either turn you on more or make you think again depending on the circumstances

Noya is all too happy to go in raw if you're cool with it, but he does try to remember to keep a fresh rubber in his pants or wallet

He buys the extra thin-feel condoms because the sensation inside you drives him literally feral

They sometimes fall out when he's getting something out of his pocket, and it's always at the absolute worst times

Like that time he got his phone out to show your parents a some cute vacay pics, and then BAM, there it was, on the floor between you all hahahaaa, omg. You wanted to die

But it's not just about getting it on in dangerous or compromising places, though

He's just as spontaneous at home, like on the couch while watching Netflix, on the counter top while you're in the middle of cooking don't worry, you turned the stove off first, in the middle of the night when neither of you can sleep, or when you're collapsed in a giggling heap together after a short and decisive pillow fight I'll let you decide who won

It's not about specifically when or where for Noya, but about when if feels right. When that connection is there mah heart

He also tries his absolute best to talk with you about what you do and don't like, what you'd be willing to try, etc. in your free time or in make out sessions, because he's aware his spontaneity can make it hard to talk about those things and that's not his intention at all

But one thing is for sure: it's never, ever boring with Noya

He'd be like this even if y'all got married 💍

Like, you don't have to worry about a dull, routinely or (God forbid) sexless marriage. That's not his style at ALL

Tendou Satori

» His goofiness

This lanky bean can't get enough of your laugh, your smile, your giggles just you in general

He thinks it's when you're at your prettiest

So it follows that he does everything he can to see it, especially when he's trying to make the both of you cum

Smile like that when he's inside you and he'll probably shoot his loud prematurely, lmao

His naturally wacky personality really lends to it, sending you into laughing fits on a regular basis you literally get stitches in your sides

He does all sorts of things on a regular basis in order to see that beautiful smile of yours, like blowing raspberries on your neck and stomach,

~doing stupid impressions,

~having pillow fights,

~giving you piggybacks around the shopping mall at top speed like a madman,

~tickling you in that spot that only he knows about that always makes you giggle and squirm

so freaking adorable!!

He tones down the silliness a little when you're having sex because he knows it's important and not a joke, but sometimes he just can't help himself it's his natural state, after all

And honestly, it's a blessing to have a boyfriend who can make you laugh out of bed AND in it

Awkward moments, like queefs, accidentally breaking bed slats, or getting leg cramps, are always immediately dissipated by his easy going, fun loving attitude a Godsend, honestly

But he normally knows when not to turn things into a joke, making for a pretty healthy, balanced attitude

It makes for such a warm, comforting atmosphere where you feel completely at ease and at home

You feel like you can tell him anything – and you do

Sex is literally so fun with him, but it doesn't detract for the moment at all it's still hawt

He's all down to try new positions and keep it fresh, especially if the position looks fun wheelbarrow, anyone? Lmfao

Spooning!! It's so fun a squishy, and he's a but of a clingy boy

He loves nuzzling the nape of your neck, and sometimes it turns into ✨spooning sex✨

His cock's really long with a nice curve to it, so he can get a great angle like that, ayyee

It sometimes seems like sex is almost too fun for Tendou it's pretty much his favourite past time

But not in a creepy way. This goofy baby is absolutely adorable

please love this man

♡°☆°♡°☆°♡

Part 1: Oikawa, Daichi, Kuroo

Part 2: Ushijima, Suga, Bokuto

Part 3: Iwaizumi, Akaashi, Asahi

© imo-chan-imagines 2020

[bagof2780teeth]

The Story of My Crush and I

Yes, this is gonna be a very useless lesbian story about me and my crush.

No, I'm not exaggerating with uselessness. I really am that useless and that much of a clueless bottom.

So hold on tight and follow this rollercoaster of emotions (I might promise too much, but idc, just read it)

Oh, and also, I can and will advertise this as butch x femme bc she's like,,, the butch girl of your dreams and I am the emo femme.

We met because of a mutual friend (let's call her A). So A and I were online friends but luckily we only live like 1h by car or 2 by train apart so she invited me to her birthdays where I met her friends and also my crush. I think we knew right from the beginning that everyone (except for A) is gay. Same interests in music, tv shows, whatever, I get along with A's friends very well. Which is great. Obviously.

I don't know at what point I started crushing. But I knew that on the second birthday party of A I was invited to we were playing truth or dare and I got to choose who I want to kiss. I wanted to say my crush but I was too awkward so I got to kiss A herself and another of her friends. But not my crush. Later that year (it must have been the same year) A, my crush and I went to the cinema together to watch Love, Simon, it was summer. I lowkey hoped for some kind of arm/hand touching action, you know? But yeah, nothing happened, but crush and I always looked at each other when you could see some reference to panic at the disco (brendon urie our lord and saviour). That's that. About 1.5 years ago now.

I possibly had some kind of "relationship" of two weeks with a boy, I regret it. I never wanted my crush to know, bc I still wanted to have a chance. Yeaaaah, let's just not talk about it.

About one year ago, A set crush and me up on a "date" (apparently we both were complaining that we wanted a girlfriend.). I think it was around that time when I told A that I actually have a crush on my crush.

So we went to a Christmas market, we were just walking around, at some point we got chips and she was like "I'll pay" and I died a little. Yeah, that's the most "intense" it got, no holding hands or anything. Pretty disappointing, right?

I think the next time we met was my Birthday party. She and A stayed over night because of the distance so it's just less stressful. I actually was invited to her birthday party as well but my (not anymore) best friend decided to have hers on the same day so I thought since I was closer with my best friend, her party was the right decision.

Crush is literally one day younger than me, btw.

So since A's birthday is also in the same month (march, my people, it's insane) A's party was the next time we met. And again all of the other friends I already knew. At some point crush taught me some kind of dance figure (discofox) so our hands touched, wow so intense, she has very soft hands.

At some point, again, truth or dare, but it was just crush, me and one of the friends (the one I got to kiss a year prior). I had to say whom I wanted to kiss if I had to and I was like "ehhh, I don't mind, really", but obviously, I was just too insecure to say my crush's name.

A and my crush both came to see my school's musical (obviously I was in it). When they talked to me afterwards A hugged me in a way that felt like she was trying to lift me up. Since she's smaller than me I was like "are you trying to lift me up?", said it in an ironic way. My crush then said let me try and yes. She did.

A also mentioned that my crush first thought about getting flowers for me but since they had to drive for a while she didn't and I,,, did crush really think about that???

Time went by.

Crush and I only communicate via snapchat.

When I was on holiday she texted me something like "we should meet again when you're back, I miss you" and I, slight gay panic, responded probably "same" and something saying that we should meet!

And we did. We met a couple of times so I'm not really sure what happened when and first or whatever. But I think it was the first meeting (or date???) When we went to a nice roof top bar (it was summer. Summer of 2019) and again, she said she'd pay. So we sat there for a while, talking about... anything, gay things.. casually.

Later we got food (pizza. Pineapple pizza, we both love it and if that's not a sign....) and after being too awkward to ask for the bill we somehow managed to get it and the waitress placed it in the middle of the table. Why am I mentioning that?

So. Before that happened my crush said that with same sex couples it's a "thing" that whoever gets handed the bill is the top. At least in the eyes of the person handing you the bill.

Let's just say that I really have no top energy and the waitress only put it in the middle bc I already had my wallet out.

Btw. I paid. I said we'd pay together and that I'd pay. Most top energy I've ever had in my life.

Later on we were just sitting at the riverside, talking. Eventually it started to rain and we ran somewhere to not get that wet. Yeah. Funny. It really was funny.

About a week later (I got a cold bc we sat in the rain. wow), when we were snapping, she mentioned that she finally found some friends to go swimming in a lake with (it was a really warm summer week) and I was like "oh, lucky you, I don't have anyone to do that". Guess what she did? She invited me to come as well. A and some of the other friends I know were coming, so that was fine for me. Of course my dumb ass lesbian self said yes and the next day I spent two hours on a train to get there.

That was a Wednesday. On Thursday I'd have my very last oral exam in school (graduating is fun n stuff). Why's that important? Well, I made some more poor decisions that day.

When we were like.. done with swimming the plan was to drive to my crush's place to have some kind of bbq. A and I wanted to go to A's place first to shower. On the way we figured out it would be more convenient for me to head directly home because of my exam the next day and how the trains run. I texted my crush what was going on and she was like "you could sleep over at my place and go home tomorrow morning" (my exam was around 2 or so). Of course I said yes. She then asked me if I wanted to drink something specific (there is this certain brand of sparkling wine she knows i love and got it for me).

So we then spend the evening sitting in my crush's garden. I had the whole bottle of sparkling wine for myself since I was the only one liking it/not having to drive. My crush had beer, so that's fine. After all the other friends left we we're just sitting alone, outside, in the warm summer night, talking, sitting in silence (not that awkward kind). At some point she suggested to star gaze when it got dark enough. So guess what? We were lying in the grass next to each other, looking at the night sky and making up names for random star constellations. When it got cold she got us some of her jackets.

Eventually I was slightly drunk since I didn't eat much and drank the whole bottle and I maybe ended up asking her how obvious me having the crush was. Well. Let's just say that my subtweets aren't as sub as I am.

Yeah, so that was the last thing we talked about before sleeping (ofc i had to borrow some of her clothes). Awkward? Maybe. But not really, since nothing changed between us. She knew.

I think the next time we met was when we went to get new piercings together. Chaotic energy, very spontaneously. It was fun, I don't regret anything. I can't remember anything worth mentioning that happened.

So since I graduated this year my live obviously needs to go on. I'm doing a gap year, as an aupair. So I did some kind of "good bye party" with my closest friends before I left.

My crush was invited as well. So, first, she brought me a bottle of my favourite sparkling wine. Then, (I was really stressed) she told me to breath, calm down, or sit down and if I remembered it right she did make gestures that I should sit on her lap? Anyways, I didn't, I had to do something else.

At some point that day we were all sitting on the sofa, me next to my crush. She said something like "my arm hurts" and placed it around my shoulders and then said "oh look how smooth that was". Yeah, I died.

She helped me doing the dishes at like 3am and we talked about random things.. maybe some more "private" things.

A few days later she explained to me how she felt (Text. Not in person, do we look like we aren't socially awkward?). She told me that she really wanted to give me a clear answer but she really can't say if she has romantic feelings for me or not. Like she can't say yes but she also can't say no.

Unrelated to that thing I texted her and asked if I had a chance (I was prepared to get a clear no, so I could stop crushing, you know) but she told me that I do have a chance. Why are lesbians so bad in those things.

Yeah, then, I went abroad. We still snapped pics to each other. She told me (multiple times?) she'd come and visit me if she had enough money.

She on day told me that she had been to a nice veggie restaurant and said that we should go there one day (I'm vegetarian).

When I was sure that I'd come home for christmas I told her and we planned to meet. The idea was there but to actual plan what we wanted to do.

In the meantime we started to do almost daily "good night" snaps and suddenly she started to include a heart in her good night message to me. Eventually I did so too and now we almost every day send each other a picture saying goodnight with a drawn heart on it. You wouldn't do that if you knew the other person has a crush on you and you wouldn't want them to have this crush, would you?

And also she really isn't a person to use much emoticons, certainly not hearts.

So now the plan is that I come over to her place on new years eve (which is tomorrow.)

She said she'd look forward to it and I am literally dying of gay panic and excitement.

Additionally, you know those things on Twitter "@ the xth person, it's your whatever" yeah. People did that with "@ the 6th person is your new years kiss" guess who that person is for me? Literally my crush's Twitter. Eventually I did post it with a "lol" (ironically.) and she responded to it with this smirking emoji. You know which one. 😏. That one.

Yeah, that's pretty much the story. I am a gay mess. If she finds this, I'm dead. Well. Anyways, I'll have another 6-8months abroad when I go back so what could go wrong. Haha. Ha.

I'm way too lazy to check for typos and I might have not included every single detail, but you get the broad idea.

Thank you for your attention, I'm out (what a pun).

TL;DR: lesbians being the useless lesbian cliche, I still don't know if i had a chance

[lanasaved]

cue me, clanking noisily at a nearby manhole as i attempt to scrabble my way bk out of the sewer like the stinky little rat tht i am. enchanté, ghouls! some of u might remember me (nai/from manchester so i pronounce things like a gallagher brother n i’m profusely sry abt it) bt if nt i hd to drop off the face of the Earth rp wise fr a hot minute there bt now im bk n i couldn’t resist reviving lana so???? here we r. u kno the drill more abt her under the cut!!

( cis-female ) haven’t seen LANA JAMESON around in a while. the KRISTINE FROSETH lookalike has been known to be (+) VIVACIOUS & (+) ALLURING, but SHE can also be (-) UNRELIABLE & (-) CARELESS. The 22 year old is a SOPHOMORE majoring in BALLET. I believe they’re living in AUDAX but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( nai. 22. gmt. she/ha/the beast from split. )

some random aesthetics: a red water pistol topped up with caribbean rum and covered in stickers of cartoon pin up girls, a vinyl record whirring silently because you got too distracted by a stranger’s hands to reach over and flip sides, giant inflatable flamingos floating in the aftermath of a pool party, smudgy lipstick kisses left like an autograph on someone else’s mirror

SO i think in terms of explainin where she’s been fr the past month i’m gna say tht she didn’t rly.... tell a lot of ppl??? probably only a select few bt to others im guessin she was pretty vague bc she hates discussin anythin serious/personal. anyway essentially she’s been back @ home helpin her brother out n i won’t elaborate much more bc im a thot

frm this point on ive jst pasted her old intro bc im the laziest woman alive n that’s jst life Babey

she’s local to the ny area i jst havent decided where exactly she grew up tbh. probably somewhere upstate

okay so her mum is an old money socialite / three time campaign model way back when n her dad is a big record label mogul. he owns a label called jameson records n they repped a few rly big rock bands back in the eighties, altho they’re mostly known for ‘poppy injects’ whose lead singer had a big heroin scandal tht brought down his career. lana p much grew up around musicians snorting lines instead of spooning down cereal fr breakfast n her parents were v much absent her whole life

they’re pretty well off obviously n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst.... a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pastel coloured fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably very pretty

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her. it was v clear that she was an accident after her older brother caleb n that even when they just had him alone they weren’t cut out for parenthood. they always kind of jst… ignored her n hoped she’d go away. she had to mke herself microwave meals when she ws only like 12 bc they’d forget to get her anything. once she went like 6 days without her mum even looking her in the eyes once

despite this tho!!! she’s always been insanely close w her brother caleb. he’s her whole world. thts why when he decided to sign up to the army she ws understandably scared bt supported him regardless. bt then he wound up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed his best friend die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home n he was never the same n lana kind of felt like he’d died out there too. he’s in n out of hospital a lot n it’s rly hard on her bt she doesn’t tlk abt it to anyone rly

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. jst literally…. knew everyone n everyone definitely knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once. she has this magnetic way abt her tht is kind of hard to find in real life. it’s something ud only rly expect out of a movie character

she’s always been insatiably spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand stories tht always earn a laugh or a gasp over how ridiculously absurd they r

anyway so after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. in fact she’s so… shameless in her endeavours tht she’s actually currently having an affair w her ballet instructor tanya who’s engaged to b married

she also currently? is working as a cam girl. she found this website bc she trawls… porn stuff a lot n she wound up applying to work as one bc she thought it’d b fun n wld earn her some disposal income (even tho she frankly doesn’t need it bc she’s already well off). the guy tht manages all of the girls on the site is kind of suspect n it’s a whole plot i’m gna unravel where it’s actually like the front for a cult or something wild so. stay posted ig. kgjdkgjh

new development!!!!!!!! cue me trottin around doin jazz hands. she’s actually been cut off by her dad so she’s….. living off the money she has left n has to look to find a job which is jst. a nightmare fr someone like lana bc she’s insatiably irresponsible n destined to be fired from anything she tries to hold down bt. it’ll be interesting bc this means she genuinely has to keep on camming even tho she’s starting not to want to any more bc of other circumstances i won’t elaborate on jst yet winks

personality/some fun facts: uncontrollably flirty. boundlessly confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n her comedy is sometimes surreal / absurd. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine. always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. her fav book as a child used to b alice in wonderland n she’d fantasise abt having her own little wonderland too where everyone knew her name n asked her things n took her on adventures. at the time it didn’t rly strike her how evident it was tht that was bc she was so lonely. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s strawberry laces or gummy bears or cherry lollipops. she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think. wildflowers r her favourites bc they’re the brightest and u can’t buy them. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another

plot ideas: exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her? a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other. someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh. an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool). someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label. someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh. umm a good influence too mayb? oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it. honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. let’s get wildt!

[whiteroseisendgame]

Here’s the Bumbleby Social Link of my Persona/RWBY crossover! For those of you that prefer, the full thing is below the cut of this post as well, Tumblr has been eating tags as of late so idk if this’ll even post, but whatever.

13/09 Yang asked me to hang out with her after school. It felt a little like she had something more to say to me, but we ended up going to a café and just… Enjoying each other’s company. Asked if I was enjoying my time at Beacon, unconscious teammate notwithstanding. Told her it was fun, partly because I enjoy seeing her face light up, though on some level I think it’s the truth. There’s this, passion, she carries with her wherever she goes, and it’s hard not to get caught up in it, to start enjoying life just that tiny bit more when she’s around. Even just sitting on a terrace and drinking tea, listening to her puns. In a way, it’s hard to picture this girl as the same one whose hair and eyes catch fire when she’s rushing down Shadows in the Dark Hour. But the smirk is the same, regardless of the situation. Ever-present. Encouraging. A spark that motivates the rest of us to do our best.

I am thou, thou art I. Thou hast formed a bond with the free spirit, an embodiment of power. We bestow upon you the gifts of the Strength Arcana. Strength Rank 1-Follow-Up Attack: Chance to follow-up should an attack trigger a One More

20/09 Got a text asking if I wanted to spend the Saturday with “my favourite teammate,” so she took me to the manufacturing district like some sort of twisted field trip. Not a single fiction book in sight. Plenty of manuals on what looked like ancient technology to leaf through, though. Strangely, when we’d stopped for lunch, she turned beet red before admitting she was the one who built her weapons. Apparently, most people who talk to her only do so for the looks, not expecting the brain that comes with them. Not that it was something I would have expected either. I reassured her it was nothing to be ashamed of; after all, we could use that expertise to make our equipment better. A conclusion she came to herself, offering to enhance anything we found in Beacon provided I also brought her the parts needed to do so.

Strength Rank 2- Start with a Yang: Yang is now capable of basic upgrades to your weapons.                                Back Talk: Chance to step in if Shadow negotiation fails.

22/09 Decided to spend my free time with Yang. On a whim, she offered to take me for a ride on Bumblebee. Honestly? I could get used to living life like this. Spontaneous, energetic, free. It’s like the antithesis to life with Adam, he had to control every. Little. Thing he could. Plus, she stopped at a flower store and ended up buying a bouquet of Deadly Nightshade, talking about how it should be my codename for missions. When she asked what flower I thought of when I pictured her, I answered honestly; Chrysanthemums, after all, I read somewhere that they symbolised optimism, and that’s what Yang is to me. On the other hand, it might’ve just been because they remind me of her hair. If she ever asks, I’m going with the first one. After all that, it felt like she wanted to say what she’d originally intended to on our first outing, but she stopped herself again, mumbling that it wasn’t the right time. Whenever she’s ready to tell me, I’ll listen.

Strength Rank 3- Baton Pass: Allows Yang to set up an enemy for a killing blow from a teammate.

29/09 Xiao-Long finally worked up the courage to talk to me about what was on her mind. Huh, calling her by her surname doesn’t work as well as when she does it to me. Having “Belladonna” shouted across the hallway certainly gets my attention every time! Before I knew it, I was being pulled into an empty classroom and listening, watching as Yang drew her uncle’s insignia on the board. She opened up to me about Raven (her mother), and her desperate attempt to find her when she was younger. Apparently, even Ozpin doesn’t know what happened first-hand, just Qrow’s last report, which he turned in before refusing to do any more work. I finally cracked and told her. About Adam, what the White Fang were doing, how they had access to the Dark Hour. How I couldn’t sleep because I was scared he’d find out where I ran off to. Strangely, she simply offered to stand guard in the hallway every night until I felt safe. Her own way of lightening the mood, and the insanity of the suggestion certainly did just that. After a comfortably long hug, long enough that we were both smiling by the end of it, she reiterated that she meant it. Something tells me I might actually be sleeping comfortably tonight.

Strength Rank 4- Intimidating Stance: Yang’s imposing stature means enemies may ask for less during a negotiation.

12/10 After taking out the train of White Fang, Yang stopped me at lunch to ask how I was doing. I didn’t even say anything, but I could feel my pulse start racing. Apparently, she could tell as well, insisting I spend time with her after school. Part of me considered ditching her; I didn’t want to talk about it. Not so soon after putting everyone in danger. Instead, we found a nice little ramen shop where Yang seemingly knew the owner. After a few whispered words, he returned with a huge bowl of tuna! Only noticed I was drooling when she reached to dab it off my chin with a napkin, embarrassingly, but the food was really good. She still ate way more than me, insisting it was her treat after the ordeal, and ignoring the fact I was holding all our funds from Shadow fighting. Granted, I’m sure people would be asking questions if I casually spent hundreds of thousands of Lien like it was nothing. I think it had its intended effect, though. Everyone had been handling me like I’d break if breathed on. We finally talked as friends again. Not as teammates, or in deference to me as field leader. On the way back to the dorm, she admitted to practicing more with weapon upgrades in her free time, saying she might have found a way to increase the firepower of our guns.

Strength Rank 5- Continue with a Yang: Firearm upgrades now available                                Harisen Recovery: Yang can now cure status ailments inflicted on party members

14/12 I agreed to see a film with Yang during our Christmas break. Her pick. She wouldn’t admit it, but I have a suspicion she based this choice on what she thought I’d enjoy. Action, but with a message. And a helpful dollop of mushy romance. Thankfully it wasn’t an adaptation of one of my books, I’m not sure anyone could properly translate them onto the big screen. What keeps going through my mind isn’t the film, however. At some point, I felt her hand gently graze mine, before gripping it more affirmatively. Caringly. Not that I was going to protest. Almost instinctively, my hand curled around hers in response, urging her not to let go without saying a word. For the rest of our time out, she did her best to avoid eye contact, like locking eyes would turn her to stone, or something. I couldn’t tell you what it meant, but I wasn’t opposed to most of the conclusions I reached. There was definitely something between us. While she’s probably embarrassed about it, as most people would be, I got to see a different side to her once again. For once, it felt like she let her guard down, stopped putting on airs and just… Enjoyed being herself, briefly. The girl I went out with today wasn’t Ruby’s sister or my second-in-command, but Yang herself. I’m not sure I can really put the sensation into words besides those, but it’s like we were dragged much closer than we’ve ever been before.

Strength Rank 6- Smooth Technique: Chance to step in during negotiation and steer discussion

03/01 I messed up. Seeing her in that hospital bed just drives it home. I can only imagine this is what I looked like to her as Adam towered over me. All motivation, just… gone. Resignation. I thought going alone would make it easier, and less like we were there to look after her. That I was coming to see her as a friend, like she’d done for me after the train. No amount of ramen could mend this. I did my best to make jokes like she did, but even that wasn’t working. When I finally got her to turn around, she was fixated on the bandages around my waist. My own reminder of the encounter. She asked me to take my jacket off, to let her see it. It was probably only a few seconds, half a minute at most, but it definitely felt like an eternity in uncomfortable silence. “Don’t go.” The last thing I expected Yang to say. Her smile was definitely forced, lacking in its assuredness. But I could see in her eyes that there was still determination, pleading, screaming for me not to go, that in that very moment she wouldn’t be able to bear it. Not after almost losing me once two nights ago. So I stayed. Held her remaining hand in both of mine. Watched it shake as she finally let all of her rage and despair boil over. “I’m not leaving.” Any other time, that line would be as cliché as they come, but not tonight. Tonight, it was the truth. And the weird thing? Afterwards, that was the first time I’d seen her smile properly since losing her arm. If it weren’t for the missing limb, you could’ve easily convinced me nothing happened that night.

Strength Rank 7- Endure: Chance to withstand a fatal attack with 1 HP remaining

01/02 Exactly a month. That was how little time it took Yang Xiao-Long to start training again. Admittedly, I jumped a little when I heard her ringtone after class, and it was hard not to blush when I found her leaning against the school gates, like a cool anime character, prosthetic sprayed yellow-and-black to match her aesthetic. On the surface, she was better. Laughing, joking, insisting firing her arm at Shadows was a viable combat tactic. But those cool amethyst eyes gave everything away. I didn’t press her on it; no matter how much I wanted to, trying to force her to open up would have the inverse effect, and I knew that. For today, we focused on getting her back in the field. What really stuck out to me was how quickly she’d come to accept the substitute as the real deal. In fact, were it not for the brightly coloured paintjob, you could be lulled into thinking it had always been there. Apparently, the weapon wasn’t in there when Weiss left the box outside her room, she referred to it as a “Yang special,” a shotgun hidden in the wrist. When we were done, she explained that, thanks to making her modifications, she might be able to tweak our weapons further before we next head into Beacon.

Strength Rank 8- Finish with a Yang- Upgrades to weapon critical hit chance are now available.

05/02 Even though I was the one who asked Yang to hang out with me, she still insisted on choosing where we go. Of all places, I didn’t expect to be back at the flower shop again. And she had a request. Pick out a flower that I thought represented her now, and she’d do the same for me. Even before doing it, the whole thing felt like a strange test, almost wanting to make sure my opinion hadn’t changed because of what happened. Or, at the very least, hadn’t changed to something she disliked. I don’t think it surprised her when we both picked something different to our first choices. She handed me a light purple rose, explaining that it meant love at first sight, and adding that she thought purple things complemented my eyes well. My choice was slightly less romantic. A black tulip, an association I’d formed with her after finding out that specific colour represents strength. No one else could possibly understand how strong Yang was to me. No other people were there when she saved me from Adam. When she stood up to the one person, I thought was unbeatable. And stood back up again when he tried to destroy her. The bear hug was unexpected though. She was practically in tears the moment I explained. We both knew there was more between us now. You just don’t do what Yang’s done for me on friendship alone. Love. It’d always been there, I think. Especially since she thinks of me as being a love at first sight. The hand-holding, wanting me to stay despite telling everyone else to leave, all of it was shoved into focus now I had a glimpse of her perspective. Even opening up about personal things, things she couldn’t tell anyone else. Our trust was more than that of good friends, of teammates. Somehow, we’d fallen right into each other’s laps. And I was all the happier for that.

Strength Rank 9- Protect: Chance for Yang to take a fatal blow for Blake. It would seem your relationship with Yang is getting intimate.

10/02 Yang finally let me pick where we go on a date. Feels weird calling it that. A good weird, though, like it’s what we should’ve been calling these outings the whole time. Something tells me she knew I’d just want to ride somewhere on Bumblebee, already knowing “just the place” after I suggested it. A small piece of nature, untouched by the sprawling metropolis below. Even the road we’d stopped on was a fair walk away. Almost too many types of flower to count. And a small clearing just on the edge of the cliff. The romantic in me wants to say it was just big enough for two people, though that’s probably an exaggeration. She grabbed my hand again, without hesitation this time, and promised we’d do everything together, even when we’re done with school and the Dark Hour. I believed her, too. Especially when she leaned in for a kiss. Had to stop myself blurting out “finally!” But it was worth it. I never want to be apart from her again. From the sounds of it, I’ll never have to be, either. My Yang was back. The one who stood by me when my worst nightmare came true, and had the balls to fight it. The Yang that opened up to me because she saw me as an equal, not as someone to be protected. We’ve both grown so much from when we started, and we’ve still got a ways to go, but now we can do it together.

Strength Rank 10- BumbleBY: When Blake and Yang are in a party together, both are immune to status effects.

[darling-louis]

Amusement Park

Synopsis: You had been friends with Louis for couple years and were quite close. However, after an afternoon spent in an amusement park and a spontaneous adventure planned, you both felt something new blossoming.

This is part 1 of a two-part story! Read part 2 here!

Word count: 2.6k words!

You and Louis went to university together. You met in history class, your worst subject, coincidentally his best subject. You sat next to him and always partnered with him because he was the class genius. He didn’t seem to mind. He even seemed to fancy you, but you kept that thought to yourself.

What made you think that he did fancy you was the way he acted towards you. He could be a bit snappy with others every now and then, and had quite a snarky attitude, but also a joking one at the same time. He was one of those people who are so good with sarcasm that you can never tell if they’re joking or actually dissing you. Thankfully, he was never even slightly snappy with you. Whenever you quietly mumbled a question to him (so the teacher wouldn’t hear and think you were dumb), he gave you the kindest smile and leaned over to explain it with a soft voice. You noticed that he didn’t seem to use that soft voice for anybody else but you, and you didn’t mind that one bit.

Even when you were dating your now ex (what a knob he was), Louis seemed interested in everything you had to say. Conversation flew easily between the two of you—him always talking about his favorite music artists and albums, and his failed love life, you always talking about your prick of a boyfriend and your cat, Muffin (the cutest thing, little Muffin. Much cuter than your sorry excuse for a boyfriend). You noticed early on that Louis was more of the touchy type, not shying away when he accidentally bumped legs or hands with yours, even going as far to grab your hand sometimes when you weren’t paying attention to him in the middle of one of the many conversations between you two.

While you were still with your ex, you noticed that Louis started to distance himself. He stopped the possibly-accidental touches and all of the pet names. Maybe I’m imagining it, you tried to reason with yourself—you’ve known him for awhile, why would he distance himself now? Regardless, it hurt you—his friendship meant a lot to you. You tried to bring it up a few times but he always denied any acts of him becoming distant. Eventually, things got back to normal again as he became as close as he used to be. You still didn’t know what caused him to act weird for that period of time, but you suppose it doesn't much matter anymore.

Your friends always teased you about him, saying that he was madly in love with you and that you were blind not to see it—everybody else did. You’ve heard the rumors, but you would only believe it if you heard it from him directly. Then, your best friend had the “bright” idea to text Louis herself and ask her if he liked you, even with your heavy begging for her not to. She shushed you, “Y/N, if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. I’m just nosy, and I know you’re dying to know, too. Even though you deny liking him whenever I ask, I can see the way you smile brighter or how your eyes start to twinkle whenever he’s brought up in a conversation.” You sighed in defeat. She quickly shot him the text of “Do you like Y/N?”, glaring at you as she put her phone back in her pocket.

After you ate lunch, your best friend pulled out her phone again, and got your attention, excitement obvious in her voice. “Y/N! He replied!!” You felt your heart stop. What would his response be? She opened the text. “Nahhh.” was all he replied with. Immediately you sunk into your seat and blew a raspberry. “I’m sorry Y/N…” She rubbed your shoulder comfortingly. You leaned your head on her shoulder, just wanting the day to be over with. Now you had to go about the rest of your days acting like nothing had happened, like your spirits weren’t crushed to smithereens.

———————

Over the next few weeks, things went back to feeling normal between you and Louis. Even the day after your best friend asked him if he liked you, he didn’t show any signs of...anything, really. He acted the complete same. It puzzled you, to say the least. You hadn’t even realized how much you were into him until that simple “Nahhh”. Truth be told, you were still very, very into him, but now you knew that all the touches and soft voices were leading up to nowhere. Maybe he only thinks of me as a sister, you thought. Ouch, that one hurt. You were the one he cared deeply for, but also the one that was undateable. Double ouch.

A tap on your arm brought you out of your thoughts. You looked towards the tapping, and were met with Louis’ eyes. “Rando question, love, but are yeh free this weekend?”

You tilted your head at him and gave a puzzled look, “Erm, I think so, why?”

“I’ve been wantin’ to go to that new amusement park in Dounsen, a few towns over, you’ve heard of it, yea?”

You nodded.

“Well, I don’ ‘ave a friend to go with me, most of ‘em are goin’ to prom that weekend n’I don’ wan’ to go alone. Wanna come?” He gives you his best Good-Boy grin (the one he gives all his teachers on the first day of school, until he loses that good-boy role and becomes the class sass-king).

This surprised you. Surprised you a lot, actually. You and Louis had never hung out after school before, at least not like this. Sometimes you’d both be at a party and you’d ditch everybody and find a quiet place to talk, sure. But he had never asked you, directly, to go somewhere  a l o n e  with him. You already felt nervous, and you hadn’t even told him that you were going yet.

“Y/N?”

You cleared your throat. “Sorry. Was thinking of my mental calendar. All clear, I’ll go with ya, Lou.”

He grinned again. “Great! I’ll pick you up at 8am tomorrow! I owe you, don’ let me forget!”

The bell rang right as he finished his sentence, signaling the end of your class. How were you going to focus in your next class when all your thoughts now consisted of Louis. What do I wear? Will I need to shave my legs? What if I get sweaty? Louis, Louis, Louis. You were doomed.

——————

By the time Saturday rolled around, you weren’t any less worried. You woke up two hours before you had to leave, just in case he got there early. You decided on wearing a pair of light blue shorts with a peach colored tank top. You put your hair in a loose messy bun and put only a small amount of makeup on. He’s seen you without makeup before anyway, so it’s not like you had to impress him anymore. Especially since he most-probably thought of you as his sister. Ugh. You still hated that thought.

He pulled up to your house a few minutes after 8, shooting you a text that he was there and waiting, but that there was no rush—which were every girl’s favorite words. You grabbed your phone and bag and headed to his car. Thankfully, your parents were still asleep. If they weren’t, they’d definitely have you bring Louis inside and have an hour long discussion with him about how they should treat their only daughter and how they were trusting you with her life and oh, do you like her? Are you two dating? Yeah. Thankfully, they were still asleep.

As you hopped in his car, he gave you a big smile. “Morning, Y/N! Brought you some coffee, figured you’re still a big grump in the morning, even on the weekends.” He knew you so well.

“You figured correctly, Lou. Thank you!” You greedily grabbed the hot coffee and got comfortable in the seat. “Although, I much prefer your company to my siblings’.”

“Trust me, I have 6 siblings, and even more half-siblings, I totally get it. Even though we all get along great, there are still times that I just want to be alone with myself or with a friend.”

You winced, hoping he wouldn’t notice. There it was. Friend. Ow.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?”

“Huh?”

“You winced or summat, are you alright?”

“Yea...sorry. Just remembered something that I wish I hadn’t.” You gave him a half-smile, letting out a small, awkward chuckle.

He looked at you from his side of the car, hands still on the wheel. One eyebrow was raised in that sassy look he loves to give you. “Alright, Y/L/N. If you’re not alright though, you better tell me. Can’t have yeh ruinin’ our trip!”

You nodded along with a small “Of course, Lou,” You and Louis had never talked about anything serious. Sure, sometimes he’d tell you that one of his sisters stole his shirts or that his step-dad was driving him insane, but he had never had a ‘heart-to-heart’ moment like that with you before. Even if he didn’t return your feelings, maybe this trip would at least be the beginning of a new type of friendship. A closer, more secure one. You could only hope.

————————

After a few hours in the park, the two of you were beat. The sun bearing down on you and constant walking was wearing the both of you out. Currently, you were in line for one of those rides that went up extremely high so that you could see above the whole park, and even the whole town. After a day of non-stop moving, you both were looking forward to a nice, calm ride.

You were both quiet, leaning against the barrier pole under a canopy shade. Without thinking anything of it, you laid your head on Louis’ shoulder. He leaned into you, leaning his head atop yours.

“Lou?”

“Yea?” he hummed in response.

“I think my legs are jelly.” He burst out laughing at this, which burst the quiet bubble you two were in—he also earned a few glares from angry parents that were also in line.

“Mine too, love.”

You stayed in the same position, with your head on his shoulder and his head leaning on yours, for a few more minutes until the line moved up. Louis sighed as he lifted his head, letting you move forward. Finally, it was your turn to ride.

The park worker lead you to one of the carts, which seated two people per row. You and Louis hopped in, making sure you were buckled in tight. You instantly leaned back into the seat, your legs eternally grateful for the chance of even a few minutes of rest.

Louis huffed next to you. “Y/N, I think I forgot to mention, I’m actually quite scared of heights…”

“Awe Lou, do you need me to hold your hand?” You joked.

“No, no. I’m gonna be a man about this.”

“Whatever you say, Lou.”

He stuck his tongue out at you as the music began and the ride started lifting up in the air, while slowly spinning at the same time. At first, you felt like you were going to be sick. You were up so high. You could fall from this height and die instantly. But slowly, you calmed down, getting distracted by the music from the ride and by the breathtaking view.

“It’s so pretty..” you whispered to Louis, who didn’t respond. “Lou?”

“...Actually, I might need you to hold my hand.” When you looked at him, you saw him blushing and looking sheepish.

You offered him your hand and felt him slip his into yours. Your breath caught in your throat at the feeling of his hands against your own. They were rough, but smooth at the same time. Calloused, but soft. You decided that you quite liked this, and never wanted the ride to end.

—————————

It was getting dark now, but the two of you were still having the time of your lives. You had just finished a very late dinner when you saw a girl carrying a huge plush monkey (it was bigger than her!). You gasped.

“Hm?” Louis hummed in response.

“Lou! Look at that huge monkey!”

He followed your gaze and smirked when he laid eyes on the huge plush. “How ‘bout I win one for ya, love?”

You jumped up and down enthusiastically. “Really?! I don’t think there’s even room in your car for it.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” He grabbed your hand and lead you to the carnival booth. In order to win, you had to get a basketball in a hoop from an impossible height and distance. Louis was decently tall, but the shoot seemed impossible.

He spent nearly $20 on the little bugger, but he thought the smile on your face when he won made it totally worth it.

The booth worker turned towards the animals, showcasing them with his hands, “Which one do you want, Miss?”

“The cow!”

“...Actually, I think it’s a spotted pig..”

You and Louis exchanged confused and slightly disgusted glances behind the man’s back, which made you giggle quietly. He handed the pig to Louis, who handed it to you. You gave him the tightest hug, wrapping both arms around his waist. “You’re the best, Lou. Thank you for making today amazing.”

One of his hands went around your back, one went behind your head, tangling in your hair and holding you close to him. “Anything for you, my love.”

You felt your heart speed up. He always called you love. But this time he said my love. My. Why did a two letter word make such a big difference? Surely this wasn’t how friends talked to each other...was it?

He pulled back from you, but kept you in his arms so that you were looking at each other. “You know...just because the suns down doesn’t mean that the fun has to be over.” He smirked down at you with a mischievous look in his eye. You loved that smirk. You knew he was planning something up in that lovely head of his, and you wanted to know what.

“Hm?” you hummed.

“We can have a sleepover! I have the house to myself this weekend, so no one will bother us. I quite hate being alone in such a big house, and I would hate to already bring tonight’s fun to an end. What’dya say, Y/N?”

You thought for a minute. Logically, you knew that if your parents found out you were sleeping over at a boy’s house, they’d kill you. And logically, if they found out that you had the house to yourselves, they’d revive you and kill you a second time. But honestly, you didn’t care. You liked the feeling of butterflies in your stomach and and the wave of sudden excitement you got whenever you looked at Louis. You decided to forget your parent’s rules for the night.

Without answering him, you pulled out your phone and dialed their number. He raised a questioning brow, and you held up a finger in response. “Hi mom, Marcy invited me to spend the night with her tonight, is it alright if I go? Thanks! You’re the best! I can bring home dinner for everyone tomorrow night since I’ll be out.”

You hung up the phone and hugged Louis once again, snuggling your face into his soft cotton shirt.

“Sneaky little bugger, you are. I quite like this side of you.” He rubbed your back as you pulled apart, smiling widely.

[notthetoothfairy]

Taking Detours

It’s a certain someone’s birthday!!! And since that certain someone is my usual beta reader, please excuse possible typos and weird sentences.

@a-simple-rainbow - I have a weird feeling you once kind of prompted me to write Kurt breaking into Blaine’s apartment or vice versa? But even if you didn’t, that’s what I wrote, sort of, so just roll with it! :D Happy birthday, love! ♥

Read on AO3

“You what?!” Kurt asks Rachel again, exasperated. “After I just lost my keys to Santana because it was my turn to lend her mine and she had to take a spontaneous trip to Ohio to make Brittany jealous or whatever she is doing this time? Ugh.”

Rachel is wringing her hands with a miserable grimace.

“I’m sorry, Kurt,” she repeats. “I… I really screwed up. I had them in my coat but the one I wore yesterday, not this one – and I didn’t even think that the other key is in Ohio.” Her eyes widen. “Oh god, do you think we’ll have to sleep on the streets?!”

Kurt eyes her in annoyance. “No, Rachel, we’re going to sleep in our apartment.” He sighs, looking the outside wall in front of them up and down. “We just need to find a way to get up that fire escape.”

He glances around, finds a trash can and decides that it’ll have to do. He makes his way over there and ignores Rachel as she impatiently tugs on his jacket.

“Have you lost your mind, Kurt?! Even if you get up there – which I doubt, by the way – how will you get into the apartment?”

Kurt positions the trash can just right so he is right below the ladder.

“I left my window open to get some fresh air,” he says, knowing perfectly well that it will drive Rachel crazy.

Sure enough she starts ranting about how she hates coming back to a freezing apartment, and that a quick gush of air for about ten minutes every morning is enough.

Kurt looks down from where he has climbed onto the trash can. He cocks an eyebrow at Rachel.

“Do you want to continue with your little tirade or will you at one point start being grateful that I am singlehandedly saving you the trouble of finding shelter tonight?” he asks.

Rachel frowns and huffs but she shuts up nonetheless.

“Now give me a little support, please?” Kurt requests, mentally preparing himself for what he’s about to do. “I don’t want to die because you were too careless with the keys.”

About five tries of jumping and missing, accompanied without fail by a horrified shriek from Rachel. The sixth time, though, Kurt manages to hold on to the ladder and pull himself up (all thanks to his new gym routine). This time, Rachel cheers and Kurt rolls his eyes at her one last time before climbing up all the way and continuing up the stairs.

He wishes he was wearing a bit less tight pants, though, because climbing flights after flights of stairs turns out to be quite exhausting. He’s already thrown his jacket down to where Rachel is watching him, but he’s not about to lose any more clothes. He must already look like a lunatic burglar.

Then again, it’s New York.

Kurt keeps counting floors as he makes his way up higher. Having the loft apartment, of course they are at the very top, but something doesn’t add up as Kurt reaches the end of the fire escape. A quick glance through the window in front of him tells him he’s made a mistake because he does not recognize the furniture.

“Goddammit,” he mutters to himself. “Wrong side of the house, really? Really, Kurt?!”

He looks down and, oh, wow, he’s high up. How has he not looked down before now? He grabs the handrail a bit tighter.

“Fuck, fuck fuck.” Kurt grits his teeth. “Okay, you have two options. Die up here or get back down there…” As he turns around, another window catches his eye. “Or…” He shouldn’t. But it’s opened just slightly and it would be so easy to just slide it up all the way and quickly get this all over with.

Well, that’s the pro. The con is that he might give someone a heart attack. What if it’s an elderly lady?

But maybe… maybe nobody will even see him. Maybe this person isn’t even home – maybe they’re just fresh air enthusiasts like Kurt.

And maybe Kurt is a coward who can’t go back down now that he’s climbed up so far and the adrenaline is all used up, and he’s realizing he is more afraid of heights than he thought.

“I’m insane, I’m so insane,” he tells himself as he slides the window up quietly and climbs into an apartment that is most definitely not his.

He wishes it were his a little bit because the first thing he spots next to a cozy-looking queen bed is an acoustic piano, a guitar and lots and lots of sheet music neatly stacked on an alphabetized shelf. Kurt’s halfway on his way to inspect the collection when he remembers his mission and turns back to the room’s door.

He opens the door with care, painfully aware that he is basically breaking and entering, even if for good reasons. He gulps and peers out the door. Another big room, connected to an open kitchen space. Alright, this must be the living room then. Kurt’s eyes flit around and find the main entrance quickly. That must be it, the door with the shoe rack and the keys on the cabinet…

As he moves toward it, a door to his left suddenly opens and a half-naked guy comes out, eyes so focused on tightening his towel that he misses Kurt.

“Sam?” the owner of the gorgeous apartment calls out. “Was that you? Did you forget something?”

Kurt cringes. He doesn’t want to get beaten up, and the guy looks like he could be up for the job judging by those arms and back, but he can’t also not say anything… what if he still gets caught and looks even more guilty than he already is?

“Uhm,” he says dumbly, for a lack of better words. “No, it’s-”

The guy yells and jumps at the sudden sound behind him, and – okay, wow, talk about a heart attack, because the towel falls as he turns around and that’s definitely something Kurt did not expect to see when he broke into the apartment.

For god’s sake, he thought it would be an elderly lady. But no, that’s so not the anatomy of an elderly lady.

Kurt chokes on his words, beet red, and slaps his hand over his eyes.

The guy scrambles to get his towel back up before hissing, “What the fuck?! Who the hell are you and why are you in my apartment?!”

Kurt peeks through his fingers and, okay, it’s semi-safe. He lowers his hand – but once he gets a closer look at the guys face, he suddenly wishes he would have just fallen off the stupid fire escape.

That’s none other than Blaine Anderson, the guy from 7B, who always causes a lot of elbowing from Rachel and crude jokes about his sex life from Santana whenever he passes and Kurt yet again fails to introduce himself.

Blaine seems to realize he’s seen Kurt around at the same time.

“Wait, you’re that guy – from the loft, right…?” he asks, looking more confused than ever.

“Yes, uh, hi,” Kurt manages to say, curses himself for all the awkwardness that he’s about to endure. “God, I am so sorry about this.”

Blaine shifts around uncomfortably, his dark eyebrows furrowed so deep that his whole face is scrunched up.

“I don’t understand. What are you doing in my apartment? How did you even get in?” His face falls all of a sudden. “Are you stalking me?!”

“What?! No!” Kurt exclaims, horrified at the thought. “Oh, no, no, no, I’m not here on purpose, especially not on that purpose, I swear. Please believe me. Please, Blaine, just let me explain.”

Blaine opens and closes his mouth a few times before settling on, “You know my name.”

Oh, shit.

“Uhhhh.” Kurt closes his eyes. “Okay, not making a good case for myself here.” He blinks one eye open to gauge Blaine’s reaction. “At least you seem to have decided I’m not dangerous.”

“Actually, I’m not entirely convinced,” Blaine says honestly, grabbing his phone from the table next to him. “But I know who you are, too, Kurt Hummel. So I can report you to the police if need be.”

“Wait, how do you know my-” Kurt starts but Blaine glares at him and he shuts up. “Right. Not the point. Explanation.” He bites his lip, takes a deep breath, and just goes for the truth. “Would you believe me if I told you that my crazy roommates have issues with taking good care of keys and left us locked out of the apartment so that I had to climb up a flight of stairs on the fire escape only to realize that I was on the wrong side of the building and discovered I’m actually a bit scared of heights so I decided to do the dumb thing and climb into a random stranger’s apartment hoping nobody would be there and my little stunt here would go unnoticed?”

He gets all of that out in record speed – come to think of it, he hasn’t breathed since steeling himself for that little speech, so maybe time to do that – and shoots Blaine a pleading look.

“Okay, wait a second, that was really fast,” Blaine says, shaking his head. “You’re locked out of your apartment?”

“Yes.”

“And instead of calling a locksmith you decided to climb up the fire escape?”

Kurt blinks. “… yes?”

“Okay…” Blaine acknowledges his stupidity with an amused chuckle. “And then you couldn’t get back down and you thought it would be better to potentially get caught as a burglar than just climb down?”

“I guess…” Kurt says with a frustrated sigh.

“And you do realize that you’re still ending up on the wrong side of your apartment door once you’ve made it through mine?”

Kurt purses his lips and wants to die in a hole somewhere.

“Uhm,” he says. “I hadn’t even gotten that far.”

They stare at each other in silence for another moment. Until Blaine just starts shaking with laughter.

“Okay, this is officially hilarious,” he gets out in between little hiccupping laughs that are absolutely adorable, though Kurt’s doing his best to ignore that. “Are you aware that I just dropped my towel in front of my neighbor and I still somehow managed to not have made the biggest fool of myself in this scenario?”

Kurt lets out an embarrassed squeak. “I’m sorry!”

“Thank you,” Blaine says, still laughing. “At least you’re a very polite burglar.”

“Not a burglar,” Kurt whines. “Just incredibly stupid.”

Blaine shrugs. “You did enter my house without permission.”

“God, please don’t call the police on me.”

“Not planning to.” Blaine smiles and puts his phone back on the table. “I don’t think anyone would have been able to make up a story like that on the spot. Besides, you look way too innocent and cute – they probably wouldn’t believe me if I tell them you broke in.” He gulps all of a sudden and fidgets with his towel. “Uhm, anyway, uh… would you mind if I… just stepped out to…?”

“Please,” Kurt says, voice wavering.

He’s been trying hard not to ogle Blaine even now that they’ve established Kurt’s not actually a serial killer or total creep. Though Kurt’s not so sure about the latter himself. He did see Blaine naked, after all, and he’s kind of failing the not-ogling thing.

He blames the little droplets of water still drying only slowly on Blaine’s chest.

And also, hello, Blaine just called him cute. Kurt blames that, too.

Blaine steps around him awkwardly and slips through the door behind Kurt. Ah, so the amazing music room is his. Figures. If Kurt can’t trust his judgment for appropriate courses of action anymore, at least he still has his impeccable taste in men.

Kurt groans silently as he hears the door behind him close. He really stepped in it with his little stunt. Not to mention he’s still locked out of his apartment, as Blaine pointed out so aptly.

But Kurt has no time to ponder this in detail as Blaine comes back out of his room in a matter of minutes, dressed in jeans and a simple polo shirt. He has to move around Kurt again, and Kurt mentally slaps himself – repeatedly.

“Jeez, why did I just keep standing here?” he wonders out loud. To Blaine, he says, “Again, I am so sorry. I… I’ve caused enough damage, I – I can just show myself out, I guess.”

“Right, right…” Blaine mutters, running a hand through his hair. “What about your dilemma, though?”

“Huh?” Kurt is really losing the ability to think with the way Blaine’s eyes are trained on him with just the right amount of care and concern, and oh… “Dilemma…? Oh!” He rolls his eyes at himself. “No keys. Right. Uh… well, I guess I’ll call the locksmith…”

“I can check for a few places in the area,” Blaine offers, grabbing his phone again.

“Thanks, Blaine,” Kurt mumbles. “Ugh, and Santana’s coming back tomorrow… if she were here today, she could just let us in. Now we’ll probably have to change locks and-”

“Or you could just stay here.”

“What?”

“I, uh- I mean. If you don’t- never mind, I-”

“Did you just offer me a place to stay after I more-or-less accidentally broke into your apartment, scared the hell out of you and came across as a total lunatic who just wanted to creep on you while you were naked?”

Blaine is the one to blush this time around.

“I mean, uhm.” He clears his throat. “You did cover your eyes when… that all happened. Also, I know for a fact that you actually live in this building, it’s not like I’ve never noticed- I mean, uh, seen you around… so.” He grimaces. “Do I really have to explain this? I’m just trying to be nice.”

“And you’re very much succeeding,” Kurt says breathlessly. “So… thank you.” He hesitates. “Well, I can’t really take you up on it, though. It feels a bit inappropriate. And I do have another roommate who’s also homeless for the night, though.”

“Not inappropriate at all, I offered.” Blaine shrugs. “And as for the roommate… my couch is big enough for two.”

“Wow.” Kurt blinks. “You really are very nice.”

Blaine lets out a mixture of a squeak and a laugh. Kurt wants to judge but doesn’t find it in himself to find it anything but absolutely endearing.

“Let me call Rachel and Santana and see what they say?” Kurt asks before clarifying, “My roommates, I mean.”

“Sure.” Blaine tilts his head. “Is the one potentially staying here the loud one or the scary one?”

Kurt laughs. “I’ll have you know they can both be very loud and scary, sometimes at the same time, which is usually my cue to leave for a few hours and curse myself to have moved in with two friends from high school.” He shakes his head fondly. “But I’m guessing you mean Santana when you say scary, so, no. The loud one would be staying here.”

“Alright, then.” Blaine smiles. “I’ll make some coffee while you call them. The least I can do is offer you something to drink while you figure out your options.”

“The least you can do?” Kurt asks under his breath as Blaine walks away. “Insanity…”

He calls Rachel, tells her as much as she needs to know, which is mainly that he did not die on the fire escape and is currently camping out in apartment 7B. That earns him a squeal so loud he has to hastily shove his phone closer to his ear to muffle the sound, to no avail, though, as Blaine looks over and chuckles.

“Yeah, definitely the loud one,” he comments.

Santana’s even less discrete, which is unsurprising but also more than embarrassing. She just cackles diabolically and tells Kurt she’ll stay away as long as he needs to play the damsel-in-distress card to get into dreamy neighbors pants, and Kurt prays to every deity he can think of that Blaine didn’t hear that.

It doesn’t look like it, but Kurt has yet to respond.

“No, Santana, we’d very much appreciate it if you could come back tomorrow and solve this whole mess,” he says, voice tight, glancing at Blaine apologetically. “We don’t want to inconvenience Blaine longer than necessary.”

“Well I can think of a few ways you could repay him, you know? There’s-”

“See you tomorrow, Santana!” Kurt hangs up as quickly as he can.

A few minutes later, Blaine welcomes his second surprise guest into his apartment. Rachel made a quick beeline to the nearest grocery store and brought something to cook for dinner, so that Blaine wouldn’t have to spend extra money on them.

She talks fast as she thanks Blaine for his hospitality, asks endless questions about how Kurt ended up in the apartment, and just gapes at them like a fish when she finally gets them to tell her the full story.

Blaine’s roommate Sam comes home in time for dinner and only raises an eyebrow at Blaine.

“I see you invited the loft people,” he says with a smirk that Kurt can’t really place but sends Blaine into a bit of a coughing fit. “It’s nice to meet you,” Sam adds in Rachel and Kurt’s direction.

Despite not having anything with them and having to borrow everything from Sam and Blaine – except for tooth brushes, which Rachel thankfully thought of on her way to the store – they end up having a wonderful evening with delicious food, wine and an episode of America’s Next Topmodel.

Kurt and Blaine sit close enough to touch, and Kurt doesn’t think he imagines it when Blaine scoots a bit closer, pretending to make more room for Sam, and oh-so-subtly brushes the back of Kurt’s hand with his own.

He definitely doesn’t imagine the way Blaine’s breath hitches when Kurt gathers all his courage to lean close and whisper in his ear, “Somehow I was under the impression there’d be some nude photo shoots today.”

Blaine lets out a surprised laugh, giving Kurt a look that’s both scandalized and appreciative. Or so Kurt likes to think.

He almost thanks Rachel for being so forgetful about her keys. But only almost.

Once they are tucked into their makeshift beds and Sam and Blaine have retreated to their rooms, Rachel turns to Kurt, her head propped up on her hand.

“So, you saw him naked, huh?”

“Rachel!” Kurt buries his head under the blanket, and tries to think about how that a) actually happened, and b) somehow led to him lying on Blaine’s couch in Blaine’s apartment wearing Blaine’s clothes. “Please don’t.”

“I mean, most people start by formally introducing themselves but your way certainly has its perks.”

“Rachel, I swear,” Kurt hisses.

“Come on, I want to hear some details,” Rachel begs.

Kurt groans and peeks out under his blanket to take a look at Sam and Blaine’s doors. Closed shut. Good.

“Alright, alright, but for the love of god, shush.”

And amazingly, just for once, Rachel lets him talk and gush and rant, and keeps somewhat quiet throughout.

It’s not until the next morning that Kurt realizes Rachel never agreed to actually keep her mouth shut for the whole duration of their stay, so he doesn’t get to actually start over and live an embarrassment-free life.

“So, Blaine,” she starts over breakfast, and her mischievous grin sends Kurt into such a frenzy that he misses her leg the first few times he tries to kick it. “Kurt tells me you have an amazing a-”

“Assorted sheet music collection!” Kurt blurts when he finally does get a hold of her foot.

He hates Rachel for a second but it’s worth the flirty smile Blaine sends his way.

“You think so?” he asks. “I should have you let a closer look someday.”

Sam smirks, Rachel cackles. Kurt chokes on his tea a bit. And Blaine just looks way too pleased with himself.

Kurt changes his mind about potentially thanking Rachel. He seriously needs roommates with better key management skills.

Or simply a new apartment. He hates moving, though.

Maybe he can get a spot in the same building.

7B certainly has its assets.

[dear-veronica-sawyer]

Wanna Bet? (Jared x Reader)

“Hello!! I have another request!! Could this be a Jared x reader agian but like, since Will Roland has confirmed that Jared is Jewish, what if the reader and Jared are forced to hang out during their freshmen year bc they're family friends and they both hate one another, flash forward ahead and the two are dating by senior year and it's just fluff. Sweet sugar fluff❤“

I’M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BHDEHCQHBCCWHJB I AM A MESS also lmao can you tell im bad at naming things (im not sure if this is what you wanted but i got carried away)

@summerkid423

WC: 1,855

Warnings: cussing but you should expect that from me at this point, sweet fluff, also at the beginning reader highkey hates jared sorry, tried to keep it gender neutral but if i slipped up somewhere send me an ask!

Out of all the things you could be doing right now, you were doing the one thing you didn’t want to do. Let’s be honest here, you’re only doing this in the first place because your mom wants you to and there will be food.

What are you even doing that’s so horrendous, you might ask? Well, the answer to that is simple: You’re being forced to go to Jared Kleinman’s house.

This wouldn’t be a problem if Jared Kleinman wasn’t a massive dick. You couldn’t specifically pinpoint what it was about him that you hated. Honestly, it kind of seemed like you hated everything about him. It was always obvious that you and Jared could never cooperate. You truly didn’t understand why your parents would always try to get both of you to be friends. Just because his parents and your parents were friends didn’t mean you had to be friends, right?

So there you were, sitting with your arms crossed in your mother’s car. She had forced you to wear dressy clothes, which you were certainly not happy about. You played on your phone the whole time until you felt the car stop. You looked up to find yourself in the Kleinman’s driveway. You let out a groan but quickly stifled it as you met your mother’s stern gaze.

“(Y/N), you will be polite and respectful. I know you and Jared don’t get along, but I’m sure if you made an effort, you would find that you could be great friends!”

You scoffed. As if that were ever going to happen. You would never be friends with someone like him ever.

You dragged your feet behind your mother as she walked to the front door. Please don’t have Jared open the door, please don’t have Jared open the door, please... You thought tiredly.

You could barely stifle a groan when, against your wishes, Jared was the one who opened the front door. He had a smirk plastered on his face and it took all of your self-control not to punch him. Something about him just irked you, and you didn’t know what it was.

“Hey, Mrs. (Y/L/N)! Nice to see you!” Jared spared a glance towards you. “And you too, I guess.”

You scowled and stomped into the house as Jared held the door open with a yawn. You were so annoyed you didn’t notice him (not so subtly) checking you out with an awed expression. He had never seen you in anything that was remotely sophisticated or dressy, and damn, you pulled it off well in his opinion.

You sat down on the living room couch, while Jared’s parents sat across from you on a loveseat. You expected your mom to sit next to you on the couch, but she opted for a chair next to the couch instead. You felt instant betrayal. She looked at you with an “innocent” smile and you knew she did it on purpose so you would be forced to sit next to Jared and actually talk to him.

You crossed your arms as soon as he sat down and glared at the coffee table in front of you. God, you wanted this to be over. You weren’t even paying attention to the conversation the adults were having until you heard your name.

“(Y/N) is doing so well these days! Honestly, if I could give a kid a Best Child Award, it would be (Y/N).” Oh God, no.

Apparently, Jared had the same thought as you. “Aaaand now they’re going to compete on which one of us is better.” He looked at you with a disinterested expression. “They’re wasting their time, obviously I’m the better kid here.”

You scoffed. “Oh please, you wish.”

“Wanna bet?” He raised an eyebrow and you rolled your eyes. You wanted to say no, that you weren’t going to fall for this little game, and you were going to be mature. Unfortunately, your competitive side got the best of you.

“Fine. Whoever is the best kid the entire night wins.” You said.

“That’s not even a bet, that’s just a competition.” Jared pointed out. You turned to him.

“Look, if we were to place a bet on what our parents thought, then there would never be a winner. Both of our parents would obviously say that their respective kid is the best kid. That’s just common sense.”

“I guess you have a point.”

“Really? You couldn’t figure that out for yourself? I thought you were supposed to be smart.” You said with a smirk. His eyes seemed to dart to your lips, but that wouldn’t make any sense, right? That has to be your imagination.

“Shut up.” He looked disgruntled. “What do we get if we win?”

“Well, if I win, you have to be my servant for a day!” You said immediately. Just imagining Jared having to do your every command for an entire day, no matter how tedious, was something you didn’t want to pass up. He seemed to think for a moment before his face wore a devious smile.

“Fine. But if I win, which I will, you have to go on a date with me.”

You could feel your cheeks flare up as you looked everywhere but his eyes. Why would he want that? He hated you! And you hated him too!

You wanted to stop there and say no, but when you finally looked at his smug face, you realized exactly what he was doing. He was saying something he thought you would absolutely refuse to, so you would quit and he would win by forfeit. You weren’t losing that easily.

“Deal.” You stood up as soon as you saw your mom walk to Jared’s kitchen. “May the best kid win.”

It was only an hour in and you had never hated Jared Kleinman more than you do right now.

He was purposely sabotaging your efforts to be an amazing child, while making himself look better. Every time you tried to do something nice, Jared either did something nicer afterwards or he found a way to ruin your efforts. Needless to say, by the end of the night, it was clear who was winning. Hint: it wasn’t you.

Your mom was telling Jared’s mom goodbye when he walked up beside you and slung an arm around your shoulders.

“Well, I think it’s obvious who won here.” He said with a mischievous grin. You sighed in response. You weren’t looking forward to whatever terrible date he had in mind. Knowing him, he would stand you up and laugh at you while he relaxed at home.

“For the date, be at my house Saturday at 5. Don’t even try to get out of it, because I already told your mom.” He quirked an eyebrow at you. Sneaky bastard. “You’ll probably stand me up though, because you’re too scared.” He grinned again.

“Wanna bet?” You said before you sashayed out the door. You could already hear your mother gushing about your date behind you. This was going to be terrible.

Out of all the things you could be doing right now, you were doing one of your favorite things and you couldn’t be happier. What were you doing, you might ask? Well, you were sitting in the car next to your boyfriend, singing terrible songs at the top of your lungs.

It didn’t matter how many times you would have these after school dates, you still loved them. Then again, you loved doing anything with Jared.

You looked to the driver’s seat beside you and saw him dramatically dancing to the current song. You couldn’t help but smile. You faintly remember a time where you hated each other, but that time had long since past. You were seniors now, only a month away from graduation. You were more than ready to move in with Jared and live your life as an adult.

You couldn’t imagine life without him at this point. You did everything together and you were practically inseparable. Once you actually started to hang out with him freshman year, you realized that you had a lot in common.

Right now, you were driving to the amusement park. You had nothing else to do, so you both decided that a spontaneous after school date was a great way to pass the time. The moment you got to the amusement park, you immediately hopped out of the car and ran towards the ticket booth. You could hear Jared laugh a little behind you, but you didn’t care.

As soon as you both paid for your tickets, you bolted towards the first interesting ride you saw.

“I forgot how amusement parks make you so excited,” Jared took your hand in his. “It’s cute.”

You fake gasp. “Is the insanely cool Jared Kleinman being sincere for once? No sarcasm or jokes? Or memes?” He glared at you from the corner of his eye.

“I can be serious too!” He whined. You chuckled and pecked his cheek, which never failed to make him smile. He squeezed your hand as you led him to the line. Your hands had always fit in Jared’s hands perfectly, which only convinced you that you were meant to be even more.

After exciting rides full of laughter, the night was coming to an end. The sun had set, the stars were out, and you wanted to go on the Ferris wheel. Jared was hesitant, mainly because of the huge line, but you knew how to persuade him.

“But baaaabe!! I wanna go on the Ferris wheel! Please?” You gave him your best pout and watched him sigh.

“Fiiiiine, but I’m looking at memes on my phone the entire time.” You laughed and pulled him towards the giant line. It seemed like it had been an eternity when you finally got to the front of the line. You and Jared sat down in the gondola right next to each other, with his arm around your shoulders. You leaned into him and closed your eyes.

He started stroking your hair and you heard him mumble something under his breath.

“What did you say?” You furrowed your brows in confusion.

“Uh, ya like jazz?” He smiled awkwardly, quoting The Bee Movie. You push yourself away from him and look him in the eye. You could tell when he was lying and he definitely was.

“What did you really say?”

He took a deep breath and readied himself. “(Y/N)... After graduation, I want to marry you,” You tried to talk but he cut you off before you could. “It doesn’t have to be immediately after graduation, we can wait a long time if you want. I’d be okay with that, it’s just-”

You cut him off with a kiss to the lips. You put your arms around his neck as you both melted into the kiss. It was sweet and full of love, but mostly full of happiness. You wouldn’t trade this - or him - for the world.

You broke away and he had a genuine grin on his face. “So... Is that your way of saying yes?”

“You can bet on it.”

[hysterialevi]

In the Smoke pt. 19 (Cobblebats)

From Thomas’ POV

On the way to Blackgate Prison, I decided to make a quick stop at the manor in order to see if I couldn’t learn more about our new “friend” before going to interrogate him. After all, I knew pretty much nothing about who the man was, or what he wanted, and I doubted he was going to just give me the information. If I was lucky, the Batcomputer would be able to find something, and I wouldn’t walk into the interrogation blind.

Stepping out of the Batcave’s elevator, I slipped off my cowl for a minute and set it down somewhere as Alfred walked over with a tray of tea, accompanying me while I took a seat and began pulling up files about the Children of Arkham.

“Doing homework, are we?” Alfred said, gently placing the tray down with a soft clink.

“Gordon and I managed to take in a member of the Children of Arkham alive,” I explained. “I’m gonna meet him at Blackgate pretty soon to question them, but first, I’d like to learn more about who we’re dealing with exactly.”

“A smart choice,” he agreed. “For once, we’ll actually know who’s behind the mask.”

Opening a file, I managed to find a vague list of members, dozens of portraits blankly staring back at me as I scrolled down the screen, searching for our target. 

“Good grief,” Alfred breathed, “I knew the Children of Arkham were a decently-sized organization, but...this...this is an army.”

I glanced at my cowl, slightly clenching my jaw. “Not for long.”

Stopping about halfway through the search, a particular portrait suddenly caught my attention as I came to an immediate halt, studying their features and seeing if they matched the gunman. I couldn’t recognize the rest of the man’s face, since it was hidden earlier, but the glassy pair of eyes was more than enough to to tell me I had found the right guy.

He had jet-black hair that had been shaved into a sleek undercut, thick stubble lining his jaw, sickly-pale skin, and a threatening collection of scars on the right side of his face. It was hard to tell exactly what caused the wounds, but judging by their chaotic, spontaneous arrangement, it was most-likely the result of an explosion. Ironic, considering I just rescued him from one moments ago. 

“Got him,” I announced, clicking on his details. Alfred stepped closer and joined me as I observed the information. 

“Gideon Black,” I read aloud. “Sex: male. Age thirty-three. Works as a sniper for the Children of Arkham. He joined the organization after...” a light tug of sympathy gripped my heart, “...after he lost his wife and daughter to Hill.”

Alfred sighed grimly. “Sounds like the two of you have something in common.”

“I may have lost Martha,” I said, retrieving my cowl, “but I’m going to get Bruce back. I’m going to save my son.”

Alfred didn’t look any more reassured. “Your determination is admirable, Thomas, but we must be prepared for the...‘other’ outcome. I mean, we have no way of truly predicting how this will turn out. And besides, Gotham isn’t known for its mercy.”

I let out a breath, not wanting to admit the truth. “...I know. But after everything I’ve put Bruce through, the least I can do is try to help him. He lost his mother because of my actions, for god’s sake. I can’t just sit idly by and watch him lose his sanity as well. He deserves better than that.”

After a moment of thinking in silence, I snapped back into business and headed for the Batmobile, placing my cowl on as I prepared to meet up with Gordon.

“I’m going to Blackgate,” I told Alfred. “Keep an eye on things here, would you? See if you can’t learn more about this ‘Gideon’ figure.”

“Right away, sir, and good luck. Normally, I wouldn’t trust the word of a Child of Arkham, but regardless, he is our best chance at tracking Bruce down, and possibly discovering their next step. Just...be sure to tread cautiously. Most of this organization is criminally insane, and there’s no telling how he’ll react to being questioned by Batman.”

“He gave me a pretty good idea back at the warehouse. Let’s just hope he doesn’t try to blow me up again.”

Jumping into the Batmobile, the platform underneath began to rotate until it was aimed directly at the exit, a line of lights illuminating the tunnel as the engines started to rev and bats fluttered in the air.

Once I was in position, I slammed my foot on the pedal and sent the Batmobile soaring out of the cave as the tires screeched and the outside view became a blur, the entire city flying by while I made my way to Blackgate.

BLACKGATE PRISON

“Glad you’re here, Batman,” Gordon said as I followed him to the interrogation room. “Lemme tell you, this one’s a handful. Even though he’s behaved so far, it still doesn’t make me any less worried. It’s like waiting for a bomb to go off. He’s calm at the moment, but only lord knows when he’ll erupt. I just wish we knew more about this guy.”

“Funny you say that,” I replied. “I did some research on him just before this. His name’s Gideon Black. Works as a sniper. His wife and daughter were taken away by Hill not too long ago. That’s what caused him to join the Children of Arkham.”

Gordon shook his head, stopping in front of the interrogation room’s door. “That man sure knew how to ruin lives, didn’t he?” He glanced at Gideon through the tiny window. “His wife and daughter. Are they...?”

“Dead? Not sure. All I know is that they’re no longer around...and I doubt they’ll be coming back anytime soon.”

Dragging a hand down his face, Gordon opened the door and gestured for me to enter. “Well, I suppose we should get to asking questions. Just try to keep the violence to a minimum, will you? Beating the hell out of him isn’t going to help anyone.”

I gave him a firm nod. “Understood.”

Walking inside and past Gordon, the temperature around me suddenly dropped as soon as the door shut, and from across the room, I spotted a chilling pair of eyes watching my every move. It was dead silent in here, and the only sound that reached my ears came from the soft thud of my boots. To say that it was unsettling would’ve been an understatement.

Restrained by handcuffs, Gideon himself sat at a simple, metal table next to a one-way mirror, and his face was exposed for everyone to see unlike before. As I got closer to him though, I heard a quiet scoff emit from the man, almost like he was unimpressed.

“Batman?” He furrowed his brow at the sight of me. “What’re you doing here? Gordon come crying to you for help again?” A quiet laugh. “Well, at least the man’s willing to admit he’s useless now. Gotta rely on some costumed freak to do his job for him.”

I crossed my arms. “The same could be said about your leader. I know about Lady Arkham.”

“Well, well,” Gideon tilted his head, “now that’s surprising. It’s a well-guarded secret. Not many have heard it. Someone’s certainly been working hard.”

I went straight to the point. “Who is she?”

Gideon grinned, ignoring my question. 

“...you know what Gotham’s problem is?” He asked, smiling. “It cares about who’s doing the damage more than the damage itself. Let’s say a man drives a knife through your chest. You gonna ask him what his name is?”

I planted my hands on the table. “No, but I’m asking you.”

Gideon eyed me up and down for a second, clearly thinking about something as he bit his lip in thought.

“Y’know what, Batman,” he said, “I dunno why, but I actually kinda like you--so I’ll help. For now. You wanna know who Lady Arkham is?” Gideon leaned forward, lowering his voice. “Ask the Vales.”

“The Vales?” I repeated. “What do they have to do with any of this?”

“Plenty. Why don’t you go see for yourself?”

I closed the distance between us. “And you expect me to just believe you?”

Gideon chuckled. “Of course not, silly. That’s why I’m telling you to go see it. I’m sure you trust your eyes much more than me.”

I thought about his suggestion for a moment, unsure of how to handle all this. I may not have trusted Gideon at all, but Alfred was right. He was my best and only chance at locating Bruce and the Children of Arkham, and we couldn’t afford to waste time searching for other clues. If the Vales had any sort of involvement in this, it was worth checking it out. Though, I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was some sort of trap. It wasn’t often that criminals were this open with me, and it seemed a little odd that Gideon was so willing to lend a helping hand. Oh, well. Even if it was, I would be prepared. I had to be.

I finally agreed to the plan--if a bit reluctant--and looked Gideon dead in the eye, neither of us blinking.

“Tell me where to go.” I said. Gideon smirked, still meeting my gaze. He glanced over at the mirror for a split-second, looking through it as if he knew exactly where the people behind it were standing before turning back to me.

“...as you say.”

[unfortunatelycake]

Boueibu ship headcanons (pt1)

Was waffling over boueibu ship headcanons with @sothisiswhyiamhere a while back. Typed them up whilst procrastinating over Other Things today.

It got long, so I split it up, and I tried to do it in a vaguely logical order (by ship-name, kinda) so this first part is quite En-centric. Also just s1 main 8...

Also, I massively headcanon Yumoto as being an adorable fluffy ball of asexual awesomeness, which totally colours these shipping HCs!

(part 2 is here)

EnAtsu

The mom and dad duo. They love each other despite their faults; En is the laid back influence that Atsushi needs, whilst Atsushi is the reason En gets out of bed in the morning.

Problems arise when: En is a little too lazy and Atsushi internalises all the little annoyances without saying anything about them, and eventually explodes over something stupid.

EnIo

Polar opposites when it comes to working, but Io appreciates En's smarts. En likes to chill out at Io's place because Io doesn't expect anything of him: Io can get on with his stock trading whilst En naps, and they have their Private Time together once the markets have closed for the evening.

Problems arise when: En wants snacks and is too lazy to get them, but like hell is Io gonna be his butler, and when Io is too busy with trading to pay En any attention

EnRyuu

If Bill and Ted were gay, they would be these two. They'd probably live together, their apartment would be trendy (Ryuu's influence) but also a mess (partly En, partly because they can't be assed with tidying). They'd probably eat out a lot, so technically would go on lots of dates, but wouldn't really specifically go on dates.

Problems arise when: Ryuu wants some kind of high-octane excitement when En would rather just loaf around, and they'd likely end up arguing over Who Puts More Into The Relationship (Ryuu. The answer is Ryuu.)

EnYu

This would be a relationship filled with cuddles, and food, and not much else. If not for Gora popping by with home-cooked dishes, they'd probably live off sweets and convenience store snacks. There wouldn't be much in the way of physical intimacy because Yumoto just likes to cuddle (5ever headcanon for ace Yumoto) which is fine with En, who likes to sleep.

Problems arise when: En is too lethargic to put up with Yumoto's energy levels and Yumoto is too cheerfully oblivious and ends up being snapped at.

EnKin

Kinshiro is a man who likes peace and quiet, which suits En's desire for naptime. En would tease Kinshiro a lot, though not unkindly, which would gradually pry open the closed box that is Kinshiro. Kinshiro in turn would encourage more of the responsibility that he knows En is capable of.

Problems arise when: Kinshirou gets too uptight and internalises everything that annoys him, but (unlike Atsushi, who would eventually explode) doesn't say anything. Just keeps internalising. Also when En pushes the teasing too far.

EnIbu

A lazy dude and his polite and well-bred butler, who is used to being around livelier guys and therefore glad of the rest, thank you very much. En would enjoy being fussed over because Ibushi fixes refreshments pretty much automatically, and Ibushi totally enjoys sitting around grumbling about things with En. Their sex life is pretty satisfying, though there are the occasional noise complaints from the neighbours.

Problems arise when: En gets into one of his 100% Lethargic moods and doesn't even want to move. Also when Ibushi gets snarky over people En cares about. It's funny, and it's true, but they're En's buddies, so back off.

EnAko

Less of a relationship and more a fling based on little more than physical pleasure. Akoya is a total power bottom, and En likes it when he isn't expected to know what to do. At the same time, they both get a kick out of it on the rare occasion that En takes charge, at which point Akoya meekly plays along.

Problems arise when: En proves himself incapable of staying tidy for more than five minutes. They try to date, and Akoya knows damn well that En could look hot if he made the effort, but En is too set in his ways. Likewise, En doesn't know why Akoya is so obsessed with looking 'perfect' all the time, and thinks he looks great when he's all red-faced and dishevelled. Ultimately they drive each other insane and end up unable to stay in the same room without snarking at each other (which sometimes leads to an impromptu fumble in the nearest closet).

AtsuIo

A pair of serious guys who are low-key bitchy, they have a bit of a mom-and-rich-toyboy kind of rapport. Atsushi makes sure Io eats lots of tasty things, and Io manages to budget their groceries in a way that gives Atsushi leeway to do a lot of experimentation in the kitchen. Probably one of the most normal relationships ever.

Problems arise when: they both fail at communicating their needs, Atsushi being too considerate and Io being too introverted to do that Talking Thing.  

AtsuRyuu

Ryuu would take the lead despite being the younger of the pair, and would spend a lot of time flirting because he loves seeing Atsushi blush. He'd encourage Atsushi to throw caution to the wind every so often, whilst Atsushi would be the one to show Ryuu that it's important to knuckle down and do some serious work from time to time. Ryuu would rather have fun, but Atsushi knows exactly how to bend Ryuu to his will and therefore offers 'rewards' if Ryuu gets on with the boring stuff like chores and paying bills. They go on lots of little dates, though would go on lots more of Atsushi wasn't so worried about his everyday responsibilities.

Problems arise when: Ryuu can't curb his habit of flirting with everyone. It makes Atsushi insecure, and nothing Ryuu says can entirely reassure him that Ryuu won't cheat.

AtsuYu

More cuddling! Yumoto would be crazy for Atsushi's food, and Atsushi would love cooking it for him, happy that it was so well appreciated. Though Atsushi is a serious soul, Yumoto would encourage him to be more spontaneous and chill out a bit.

Problems arise when: They realise that beyond cuddles and a few sloppy kisses, their relationship isn't going to progress into anything deeper. Yumoto wants Atsushi to be happy, but won't compromise the ace wonder that he is in order to do that, especially after they make a half-hearted try that just...doesn't go anywhere. They decide that they're better off as friends, but are a lot closer than before.

AtsuIbu

These two would probably get together due to their mutual protectiveness of Kinshiro. They're a real pair of sinnamon rolls: an outwardly polite yet snarky couple who are absolutely savage in their judgements. They bring out the best and the worst in each other; Ibushi encourages Atsushi's snarkiness and fully enjoys being treated as an equal (for a change). Atsushi meanwhile dotes on Ibushi and likes how much Ibushi appreciates being spoilt. Though Atsushi is normally in charge of food, Ibushi likes to bring him tea and treats, and they sometimes cook together. In bed, Atsushi finally finds his chill and lets Ibushi take control.

Problems arise when: They both have a 'tired-of-waiting-on-people' day on the same day. Also when their affectionate snark at each other cuts a little too deep.

AtsuAko

A total will-they-won't-they affair that takes a while to get off the ground. After some rather passive flirting, they'd get together after Akoya gets tired of The Chase, and questions (whilst draping himself over Atsushi's desk) "So are you going to ask me out or not?" Atsushi would be too surprised to have a comeback, and his stuttered 'Yes' would lead to them going on a date, probably in an uncomfortably expensive restaurant because Akoya would expect no less.

Problems arise when: they go on their first date, because Atsushi spends an entire month's allowance on one course, and Akoya isn't amenable to any of his suggestions that cost nothing. Also when Akoya Wants Attention but Atsushi is spending time with his friends.

IoRyuu

Romantic, adventurous, stylish, attractive, rich and stable: Io and Ryuu are two complimentary halves of the Ideal Boyfriend. Ryuu's energy is just at the right level for Io: enough to excite and motivate him into being spontaneous, but not so much that Ryuu becomes overbearing. Io meanwhile gives Ryuu the stability he craves: a constant boyfriend who cares about him for his playfulness and his personality, not just his looks. They joke about Io being Ryuu's sugar daddy, but Ryuu doesn't care about Io's money, he cares about Io himself. They both admire and respect each other a lot for their opposing skills, and over time learn a little of them from each other.

Problems arise when: They argue over who is more awesome. It's one point they can never agree on, and it takes the combined efforts of the Defence Club and the Student Council (who will have peace in their school kthx) to get them to make up.

IoYu

Yumoto would get Io to take a break from his trading now and then, whilst Io would probably get tired of Yumoto having no money, and do something to turn his 500 yen pocket money into 500,000 yen in a Cayman Islands bank account, purely because he's concerned about Yumoto is going to do in future if he has no money behind him. Yumoto would thank him with a million cuddles, though would likely not understand half of what Io had just told him, only the fact that he has more money now. Somewhere.

Problems arise when: Yumoto becomes too overbearing with his cuddling when Io is trying to work, and Io is too cold towards Yumoto because he's waiting for the perfect moment to snap up some bargain price shares.

IoKin

A relationship that seems like an arranged marriage at first--beginning as a mere business alliance formed for mutual profit (Kinshiro's contacts and Io's financial savviness equal one hell of a profit). But their respect of each other's work ethic goes deeper, and through working side by side they find they actually like each other. They're a quiet couple and fairly inactive on the dating front, as they both work hard, but they're also both competitive so their sundays (when the offices and FX are closed) usually begin with an intense game of squash, or a jog around a park that becomes more like a race. This lifestyle suits them both, as they can stay fit and healthy whilst keeping up with work. Affection and intimacy tend to happen as a second thought; neither are particularly displeased by it, but their emotional distance does make the occasional moment of romance feel extra special

Problems arise when: they're both too busy working to actually pay attention to each other, and when they clash over decisions--both want to be in control.

IoIbu

A rich man and his eye-candy butler. Ibushi is eager to please the people he cares for, and Io takes as much advantage of that as possible. However, Ibushi knows where to draw the line, and will make Io work for his favours (be they sexual or otherwise) if he feels Io isn't giving back as much as he's taking. In general, Ibushi is content to leave Io to his stocks, but is capable of peeling him away from the screen now and again for some aforementioned 'favours'. Io has lost a few good deals that way, but Ibushi has always made it more than worth it.

Problems arise when: Ibushi walks around shirtless and distracts Io, leading to Io missing out on some trading. This usually happens with Io has been too sidetracked to pay Ibushi much attention, and has been treating him more like a butler than a boyfriend.

[1 / 2]

[dwestfieldblog]

23 YEARS IN BOHEMIA

Time to exorcise some sober early morning paragraphs as Orpheus descends again...Saved by an angelic intervention perhaps, or more likely, demonic. I messed up a banishing ritual and we will never have that feast...Air gives life toFire. Crash and burn. Hard to switch off the heart unless one is in hospital. An hour long session of Healing, lying on a floor blindfolded last week uncovered deep memories with primal fury, tears and a revelation...now I am back in the cosmic game. It was either that or leave my body to medical science fiction. Insanity chosen on the flip of a golden coin, now gold runs in my veins like electricity. Almost not a metaphor.

The Healing had the strange effect (for me) of leaving my thoughts seemingly capable of holding onto negative thinking for two seconds only and then letting them go. Nice work, see how long it lasts. Next month I will be getting creative with my darkness with Holotropic breathing to unblock the shadow, Sounds like fun eh?  Welcome to another long speed written manic collage....

9 songs into the next treble cd, but now the blessing of the Muse is removed. Some girls should be spanked hard with passion every night before bed. All hail Algolagnia, No afterglow, now only ash. I swear by my heart Not to fall in Love again, it is no good for my mental health. Arf. Fnord. Shameful how much I truly cared, but Free at last, freedom from hope, Lucifer rising in my horoscope and all I have left are empty words. Words for spells...thank the Lord for spellczechers on the computer. Somewhere True, we know our fears are not real.

Putting the arse into catharsis, I have finally put more songs on the net via TUMBLR, (27 of 'em) a fair variety of moods...of course I will not be putting the best stuff online, not until the diagnosis becomes terminal. Don't much trust doctors but will believe my body. The war for peace continues. From the Kingdom to the Crown

I seem to have not really slept much since early February, but some years life just gets too INTERESTING to sleep. Enervated, splitting and colliding like the atom I used to be. Desire to Do and Be simultaneously chasing a thought and a feeling. Home-made psychedelic adrenalin, recurring parallel day dreams or else the synaesthesia kicking in once more....Lying down for thirty minutes and switching off at 2pm helps. In reverie God told me again last night I was a chosen one...well, someone has to do it. Another scarecrow messiah crucified on a hill to keep away the crows of false prophets who seek to feed on the seed of Man. Or something. O, I still miss amphetamines, still tempted. Been way too long. And 'Some weird sin just to relax with'...Did you ever read about the female fan letter about her desiring a man with the mind of Leonard Cohen and the body of Iggy Pop? They replied, sent a double photo from a studio...she didn't answer. Arf.

Giving up smoking Again but 'the filter is the best part, that's where they put the heroin'. Denis Leary said that and he's still alive...or if you prefer,'Women and heroin are both the ultimate escape'. Hugh Cornwall. Five minutes and you're almost dead. Textbook definition of stupidity is not being able to assimilate new information and process it to recall and use. Or repeating mistakes without learning from them. Dumb is as dumb does, welcome to my world. Just too ugly and lost. Where will you spend eternity? (Old evangelical (evil angels) christian slogan).

Almost strange to be still writing blogs when disconnected from news of the daily world. There is still some linkage to normal reality but I remain in deep longing for the day when five of the most famous leaders on this planet face Absolute Justice in This lifetime for the chaos and murdering shit they have done...but...it has felt so damn Good to switch off the reportage after all these years. The next step will be to be able to go back and listen, watch, read the news without becoming involved, Just evolved. Trump, Putin, Erdogan, Kim Jong Un, and Asshat in Syria. Remarkable that you are alive. Congratulations. Happy to see Mladic has finally been sentenced to life in prison for his war crimes, it took long enough. And Mgabwe ousted at last. Get him up against the wall. Sic semper tyrannis.And may justice be served on Halliburton, Monsanto, Biderbeck and Zuckerberg next year...Julian Assange appears to be aiding those working against the West, (yes, that includes Duck Fart.) Staying too long in an embassy can make most folk a little weird. Hello Baron Beran.

Going back to the island for Sol Invictus/Christmas, Great Britain with all her Little Englanders. Dreading seeing the faces of Boris Johnson, Jacob Rees Mogg et al gurning and talking puerile bullshit. My country is ruined, Europe as any type of 'spiritual' centre is falling, America is shamefully fecked like a dog by their insane choices. You stupid dumb bastards, now EAT what you have made. Wash it down with your own blood and piss. Other countries are rising, tasting the possibilities of mass control; Ready. This is happening all around us. And as for the individuals left...All we become is all we are.

Be yourself, you will never be someone else..

Meanwhile...those who remain outside, remain outside. With no thoughts of being saved in the usual sense, but emotionally detached and thus spiritually rising, crossing over...Fooling ourselves (perhaps) until it is real. Fake it till you make it. 'Experience is knowledge made conscious of itself'. Aleister Crowley wrote that and knew of what he spoke. Ignorance will never convince knowledge says this middle aged idiot.

(I seem to have passed from a thirty year teenage lifestyle to menopause overnight. Missed out on being an adult with a usual life of mortgages and happy family tensions. Perhaps I should buy a Harley Davidson and flirt with 24 year old girls. Or grow up fast and take to bed the first grandmother who thinks I'm worth her time.) Or teach in a nunnery...

How many times can a heart be broken? As many as it takes To break the cycle of destruction Till creation awakes. AKA/anebo, or 'You want it? You got it You break it –you bought it'         Arf.

Anyway, now all that is out of my lunar system...'time' dilates and...back to the Real stuff...Body and mind as a temple, holy or otherwise...Here we go...

Matter at a low rate of vibration is solid...at a high rate of vibration it is subtle. Good health in all areas means raising your vibrations... meditate on imagination and Will. I will see how wise that is when I get my first winter cold and deny it existence. People allow themselves to become hooked on their weaknesses, chasing the thrill or playing the victim.

'We should not protect the weak and vicious from the results of their own inferiority'...To pity another man is to insult him'. Think Nietzsche wrote that. Sounds like him but now my memory is ablaze and random sparks star the dark early morning sky. Total oblivion into the Absolute. FREEDOM. And I'm gone. More coffee....'God is a fire in the head!', cried Nijinsky, on the cusp of insanity. (Crowley, Nietzsche and Nijinsky, I am on a highly pretentious roll here eh? 4.15 am...Let's see what other brilliant lost souls can resurface in this spontaneous flash flood....)

Capture Points....

Ego... defined as a set of immature traits which start in infancy and are carried into adulthood, including a feeling of being omnipotent and deserving of special privilege; great difficulty tolerating frustration and a very high drive which causes one to jump into activity suddenly and impulsively. The infant within needs to be satisfied. Sounds familiar eh?

'Individual creatures tend to stagnate when they have discovered a comfortable ritual of habit'. Colin Wilson.

Addicts, (of one type or another) secretly despising themselves, are likely to respond to another person who approaches them in a loving manner by wondering what this person wants, assuming that this person is a sucker ripe for manipulation, or deciding that the person is crazy. In this way, they fail to receive the praise, warmth and tenderness they crave, and instead, end up lashing out at those who try to love them.

‘”...hedonic arousal of an organism (pleasure or pain) can, with repetition of a stimulus or class of stimuli, lead to a build up of arousal by the organism which opposes the original stimulus....this can create dynamics typical of addiction.' Richard Solomon. Therefore, a person repeating a pleasurable activity over and over again will create in their nervous system an opposing sense of pain. Or, as the song says; 'If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad'? Don't wanna go to rehab. So don't.

The problem with mind altering drugs, is that they appear to lower the levels of serotonin in the brain, the very chemical needed to focus and evolve. Meditation and magick work because of the extra effort required to concentrate and raise energy. Humans get bored way too easily, this in turn creates a deep sense of unease...which leads to mental landslides of panic. Total (or as much as can be achieved and maintained) focus on the work of Now and total (see brackets above) open free surrender, are the only ways to connect with realities of understanding the individual's place and role in creation. Which is 'technically' our imprinted function.

Asbergers, Autism and ADD are basic human traits, there is always a  laziness to attempt focus because the mind wants to run wild. But many types of 'freedom' become a free fall/floating trap when not used for evolving or Being. Because people get bored, most of us run around trying to be very useful or search for temporary excitement, which never seems to go deep enough. Surprise.

This is a peculiarity of the human imagination that is only now being recognised by psychology; that when it is denied active, creative expression, it seeks out any powerful stimulus, no matter how terrifying or negative. The human mind craves movement, any movement. Boredom or emptiness allows the mind to fill up with unused energy...this produces the usual effect of preventing the instincts from doing their quiet unobtrusive work. The feelings are frozen. The desire for strong feelings -the most basic of psychological needs -becomes a kind of panic; guilt and misery are preferable to boredom. What the mind really craves is the sense of vastness and wide openness, of other times and other places, of meaning.'Long quote but says way better what I would like to. Colin Wilson again, from The Occult, 763 pages of fascination...he also wrote the following...

'Certain people possess natural 'magical' faculties, but unless these are subservient to intellect and imagination, they will tend to be used in the service of negative emotion –malice, envy and so on.' Most people possess magical faculties. Most people are, fortunately unaware of it.'

Man is defined by the ability to love. The soul is refined by the love it's made of.Said a low class poet yesterday trying too hard to live up to his own belief system and almost failing. 'Basically a poor human being', says his end of year report card. Poor little ghost boy. Hmm. Neurosis is caused by sexual stasis...orgasm discharges the sex energies and eliminates the neurosis. Temporarily. Think that was Reich. But anyway...

Heaven, Hell, demons, ghosts, angels, we are our own...mass projection, a spontaneous manifestation of the forces of the subconscious. Like all magick. Parallel realms are imprinted with thought made real focused or random...or so, based on my own experiments, I choose to believe. You are on your own. You are really not on your own. And that perception, like everything else, is your Choice. Practice makes...imperfection less ridiculous. And that is as far as optimism as I will go this morning.

Use your body to create forms, use your spirit to transcend forms. Unify body and spirit to activate the art of peace. It comes. Maintain it as you would a flower.

Written by candle and computer light, listening to full volume live Swans at 3 to 5.30 am on a school day (mostly the sex pulse of The Glowing Man live on repeat, Mother Sky by Can, updated). Window open to share the headphone music with neighbours. My students will suffer a red eyed rant later today, but it's all English eh? (When not babbling fake Enochian.) A word about Swans for anyone new here. If you enjoy disintegrating into ecstacy, buy everything by them. The Total Sound of Nature and the Universe, surrender and rejoice, no regrets. O, I wish I had some whisky here. But I didn't smoke and I didn't drink, I found some new things to think. Found some old books to read, refused to want the one I need. But yearning for union. Deeply and truly.

Saturnalia soon...and on the 17th December, I will have been in Prague for 23 years. A deep thank you to all those who made my alchemy here so infused with their kindnesses, may you live in fine health and learning.

Practice your etheric stretches...it helps with what you wish to achieve.'Energy equals Mass multiplied by the velocity of the square of light'. Use that as long mantra, go into it...Trust me, I'm a (leave the blank empty as the Void). And Happy multicoloured Christmas/Sol Invictus with blood on the snow in red crosses and a snake spiralling up the staff to the victory of the Light.

See you in '2018' perhaps.. Stay well.....

YOU. KNOW.

NOW. BE

LOVE.