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dotster001 · 3 months

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Those are the Eyes...

Summary: Jack Howl x gn! Reader. Jack discovers a new magic that will finally free you from those who wish to use you. (It's not that serious. He's just being Jack)

CW: Crowley is an ass, but what else is new, silly fic, nothing serious

This fic was sponsored, for the Fics for Gaza Project! Find out how you can sponsor a fic here.

Jack was sick of you getting pulled into terrible situations by your other friends. When the two of you had started dating, he had hoped he would have a little more sway when it came to your decisions of whether to listen to an ADeuce idea or not, but he had had no such luck so far.

And it wasn't just them. You were too kind to everyone in this school often at the expense of your own well being.

"Y/N! We haaaave to add more money to the tuna budget."

You looked exasperated. "Grim, I've already told you, we've put all the money we can into the tuna budget."

Grim pouted and crossed his arms. "Do we really need to fix the stairwell this month? I think it's fine the way it is."

It wasn't. Honestly, Ramshackle should have been condemned in the shape it was in.

"Yes, Grim, we really do," you sighed.

Grim suddenly held a paw to his forehead. "Oh! The Great Grim feels faint!" He fell backwards and whimpered. "I'm starving because of my cruel Hench human. I may die right here."

"You're not starving Grim, your tuna budget is fine," Jack finally cut in. But when he looked over at you, he could see that you were going to cave.

And then it happened. It came from deep down inside of him, like a second unique magic. His pupils expanded, his eyebrows rose ever so slightly, and his bottom lip stuck out in a little pout.

Suddenly, the look on your face changed. You looked at him with concern.

"Aw, c'mon Jack, don't give me those puppy dog eyes!"

But his face held his expression, and now his tail was drooping for good measure. "It would just tear me up inside if you weren't able to live in a safe environment, Y/N."

That did it for you. You placed your hands on his cheeks and hastily exclaimed, "If it means that much to you, I won't change the tuna budget." You hugged him and nuzzled into his chest whispering a "sorry". Which was fine, because it meant you didn't see his tail wagging up a storm.

He had thought maybe it was a fluke. But after running a few experiments, he realized you were weak for what you called his "puppy dog eyes". No longer could Ace get you to paint the roses for him. No longer could Ruggie get you to give him some of your lunch for nothing. No longer could Grim guilt you into buying more tuna than you needed. Finally, the two of you didn't have to play parents to everyone and you could spend time together.

But with great power comes great responsibility.

He was sitting in Azul's office, sizing him up across the desk.

"What did you want from me?" He asked finally.

Azul gestured dramatically. "There's a rumor going around that you can make a certain prefect do whatever you want."

He snapped his fingers and Jade pulled out a contract.

"I am prepared to offer you…."

But before he could even finish the offer, Jack was leaving the room.

It wasn't a one off thing.

"Ay, Jack!" Ruggie sidled up next to him on the way to class. "You think you can do me a solid? See, I have a lot of chores to do for Leona, and I was hoping you could ask Y/N to…"

And Jack was gone again.

The headmage had summoned Jack to his office. He placed a plate of delicious food in front of him, and was staring at him with a serene smile on his face.

Jack did not trust that one bit.

The headmage leaned back in his chair, simply watching Jack. Jack stared back, not touching his plate.

“Mr. Howl, I was hoping you could help me with a situation. I, and the entirety of the student body, will be eternally grateful.”

Jack said nothing, continuing to stare. Normally, he would assist the headmage in any way, his sense of honor always looking for a way to help the school. But, with the recent attempts to use his new ability for selfish ends, he was extremely suspicious.

“I have called the prefect in for a meeting. You see, it's the time of year where the dark mirror provides us a list of names for potential incoming students. I need a secretary, who will write down the list of names, compile the addresses, send out the acceptance letters, etc. etc. You understand, surely.”

Crowley leaned in conspiratorially, a sly grin on his face.

“You will help me convince them to take on this task, for the sake of our esteemed university, won't you?”

Jack stood angrily, slamming his hands on the table as he leaned into Crowley's face.

“This power I have been given is strong. And if I waste it on things that are to the detriment of my partner, then I do not deserve to even be with them.”

Crowley's smirk turned down right sinister.

“A shame, truly. Too bad. Because they are already here.”

A knock rang from the door, and Jack's head whipped over in time to see you walk in. Your eyes lit up when you saw him, and Jack had to fight off the embarrassment of not having anywhere to hide his wagging tail.

“Perfect, welcome! Have a seat!” Crowley said, and Jack felt a guilty sense of pride as the light left your eyes upon hearing his voice.

You walked to the empty seat next to where Jack was standing, taking it. You raised a brow expectantly.

“What do you want, headmage?” You asked tiredly.

And Jack knew he couldn't simply be a witness. If he couldn't protect you from one crow, then what was his new magic ability for?

“I need you to be my full time secretary until the end of the school year-”

“Am I getting paid?” You asked, bluntly.

“No, but-”

“Then no.”

At that moment, Jack realized he was not the only one with a secondary unique magic that was capable of manipulating you. Crowley's expression shifted into one of a cruel, terrifying, debt collector.

“Night Raven College is an esteemed university, one that is exclusive to only the best mages. And yet we have provided you with a home, and an invaluable education. All for free. The least repayment you can give is selflessly serving our university.”

He watched as you deflated. The truth was, you'd become invaluable to NRC. There was no reason Crowley would logically kick you out, especially for a job he had done alone for years before you had popped into this world. He was bluffing.

But the move was working. You were opening your mouth to accept the job, when Jack knelt before you, placing his hands on your leg to get your attention. Then he activated his power.

Your mouth instantly closed, your expression shifting to one of distracted adoration at his “puppy dog eyes”.

“The budget we would need to hire a secretary will, unfortunately, have to come out of the renovation budget for Ramshackle.”

Your face immediately flicked back up to Crowley. Jack had underestimated how strong Crowley's powers were. The crow had had years to grow his abilities, while Jack had only had a few months.

Jack pawed at your leg, forcing his ears to droop as he intensified his “magic”. Your look of dejection melted, your lips parting in a silent “aw”.

“We may even have to get rid of an extra student. Providing for two of you is an unnecessary expense, to the board.”

You whipped back to Crowley, but Jack knew that was his last card. But if he smiled smugly now, he would lose. So he dug deep within himself, pulling at an inner supply of strength.

His pupils expanded even further, glitter and hearts filled the air, and he watched your face split into a dopey grin, your hand moving on it's own to scratch behind his ears.

“Sorry headmage, I don't think I can,” you said, your voice sounding loopy and lovesick.

The headmage scowled, but Jack held firm, the sparkles and hearts floating in the air twirling for good measure.

“Fine. You win this round Howl. But, next time, I'll be prepared for you! Mark my words!” Crowley shouted.

Luckily, you were too caught in Jack's spell to even hear his words, as he escorted you from the room.

You were halfway to the mirror chamber to return to Ramshackle, when you turned to him, cupping his cheeks, and exclaiming,

“Sevens! You just look so cute!” Then you kissed the tip of his nose.

His embarrassment caused him to drop the puppy eyes spell. He looked away, rubbing his neck for something to distract himself. When he looked up, you were blinking in confusion.

“Where am I? I thought I was in Crowley's office. How did I get out here?”

Now he was more embarrassed. He'd gone too hard, too quickly, with his magic.

He was about to apologize, when you smiled at him sweetly.

“Wait, it was my perfect, handsome wolf who protected me, right?”

Oh.

Oh no.

He wasn't the only one with magic to make someone lovesick.

....

Tag list- @eccedentesiast-sapphic @leoll @strawberrystepmom

Lemme know if you want to be added to my regular tag list. I lost my original list, so this is just the one I could find.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #jack howl x reader #jack howl #fics for gaza

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helloalycia · 6 months

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𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑'𝐒 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 [𝐓𝐖𝐎] — 𝐉𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐈𝐄 𝐓𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐎𝐑

one / three / four / masterlist / wattpad

summary: after Jackie humiliates you at a school party, you realise that she'll only ever see you as a kid and nothing more.

warning/s: mentions of cheating and underage drinking.

author's note: here’s part 2! glad you’re all liking it, this one was fun to write haha 🥰

I was supposed to be getting over Jackie, but it was impossible. Even when I was reminded that she was Jeff's girlfriend, I still couldn't seem to move on.

One time after a Yellowjackets game, Jeff and I were going on the pitch to congratulate her for leading her team to victory, and then she was reminding him to pick her up later for the after party and that was my cue to leave, but she asked me if I wanted to come.

"Oh, erm...," I started to answer, not really sure if I even wanted to go, but the look Jeff was giving me over Jackie's shoulder was answer enough. "It's not really my scene."

Jackie tried not to laugh as she studied me curiously. "You're in a band but you don't like parties?"

I smiled awkwardly. "A paradox, I'm aware."

She chuckled, rolling her eyes playfully, before looking back to Jeff. "Guess it's just us."

"What a shame," he said sarcastically, before pulling her close, and they began to kiss and I tried not to throw up as I left them to it.

Six months of dating and I still wasn't used to it. I prayed and prayed I could be put off, trying to find a new girl to hyper-fixate on, at least long enough for me to get over Jackie, but it never seemed to work.

Another time, I was at home practicing with the band in the garage when I saw Jackie out front, getting out of Jeff's truck with him. I recalled my mum saying she was coming over today, but didn't really remember until now. It didn't matter anyway because I found myself subtly checking her out as she walked across the front pathway with him, listening intently to whatever he was saying. It couldn't have been very interesting – I loved my brother, but he could drone on sometimes – but she was eating it up anyway, smile tugging at her lips as she nodded along.

Today, she was wearing some denim shorts, a strappy top and a jacket, making me forget what anything and everything was as I followed her movement, possibly drooling a little. I couldn't help it! She was everything.

The feeling of something hitting the side of my head pulled me back into reality and I let out a yelp, looking in the direction it came from.

"Wipe your mouth and pay attention," Y/BF/N said with a teasing grin, and I realised she'd hit me with one of her drumsticks.

Aaron and Tommy stifled their laughter as I cleared my throat and embarrassingly picked up the drumstick. We continued to practice some songs we'd learnt, both original and more covers, preparing for a gig Tommy had scored us at some birthday party in the fancy side of town. It was going well for a while, and I almost forgot about the Jackie distraction, until she decided to stop by.

"Hey, Jackie," the others greeted her as she stopped before the open garage door, smiling at us all.

"Hey," she returned, before her eyes fell to me. "Y/N, hey. I could hear you all performing upstairs – you sound awesome!"

We all mumbled our thanks as she chuckled at our bashfulness.

"So, is it cheeky of me to ask if I can watch you practice?" she asked, tilting her head and fluttering her eyelashes convincingly.

It didn't matter whether you had a crush on Jackie Taylor or not, she simply had the power of compulsion, and none of us could deny her request. So, we performed a few songs for Jackie as she complimented each and every one, amazed by our massive improvement since she'd heard us perform that first time at the dance.

As Aaron and Tommy went to get some drinks from the kitchen for us, Jackie approached me with an impressed look.

"Every time I think you can't get cooler, you prove me wrong," she said jokingly. "And you have a pretty voice. You should sing more if you can."

I smiled awkwardly. "It's not that good. I prefer backing vocals. But thanks."

She laughed. "Humble too, love it. Well, you're nailing it on the keyboard and guitar."

"Yep, that's our Y/N for you," Y/BF/N butted in with a cheeky smile, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "Super talented this one."

"That she is," Jackie agreed, looking at me knowingly.

"You're talented with your feet, but this one is talented with her fingers," Y/BF/N continued, and I knew what she was trying to say, but god, it came out so wrong.

As I tried to recover from her words, certain my cheeks were hotter than the sun, Jackie suppressed the urge to laugh and Y/BF/N stumbled over her next words.

"Not like that," she said quickly, "like with instruments, y'know? I mean– the keyboard and–"

I had never wanted to die so badly in my life.

"You saw her at soccer tryouts!" Y/BF/N settled with, only doing more to embarrass me as I remembered getting hit in the face. "It's why she didn't make the team."

At this, Jackie finally let out a laugh, covering her mouth to contain it when she saw my reaction.

"It's okay, clearly music was your calling," she assured me, resting a hand on my shoulder. "Like Y/BF/N said. Better with your hands than your feet."

Oh, God.

The two of them laughing had me wanting the earth to swallow me up there and then.

—

The down side of having a sibling so close in age was being invited to the same parties, which meant seeing him and his girlfriend there when you really didn't want to.

My friends and I were at some house party, word having spread through my grade and Jeff's, and even though we hadn't talked to each other about going, I still bumped into him and Jackie in the kitchen.

"Y/N?" Jackie spoke first, surprised to see me. "I thought parties weren't your thing."

I paused, trying to think up something intelligible. "Just trying something new," I finally spoke.

She smiled with confusion. "Right... take care, yeah? There's seniors here and alcohol and–"

"I'm a year younger than you," I reminded her, a little annoyed she was treating me like a child, especially in front of my friends. "I'll be fine."

She sighed, unconvinced. "Right. Of course."

After exchanging a look with Jeff that meant 'avoid me at all cost', we all went our separate ways. Despite our distance from one another though, I felt like Jackie was keeping an eye out on me most of the evening. It was growing annoying, making me feel like a child whose mum was watching her play. I knew she probably meant it from a place of kindness, but it was frustrating.

Aside from that, the party was fun and I was having a blast with my friends. It was inevitable that we had a little to drink, but nothing that would have us regretting anything in the morning. At one point, I needed some air, feeling a little warm in the house and a bit tipsier than I probably should have been.

"You look hot," a girl said behind me, making me turn around, not recognising her. She must have seen my expression, as she amended with a laugh, "I meant warm, like sweaty. But yeah, you're hot, too."

Her confidence had me taken aback and I blinked, trying to let her words register in my glazed thoughts.

"I'm Eve," she introduced, before sitting one of the deck chairs in the garden.

"Y/N," I felt the need to do the same, sitting beside her. "I don't think I've seen you at school before."

"Same here," she said with a relaxed smile, no doubt as tipsy as I was. "I think I'd remember a pretty face like yours."

Again, I was surprised at how confident she was, and I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol, but I wanted to give it a go myself. "You're pretty cute yourself, Eve."

She laughed. "Smooth."

I smiled with amusement, waving a hand. "I'm usually smoother, but you caught me on a bad day."

She snorted at my joke. "Sure I did."

We stayed chatting for a while, a little more flirtatiously than sober me could have ever managed, and I was very attracted to the dark haired girl who was the only thing on my mind right now. After about ten minutes, we somehow found ourselves leaning in, any chatter going out the window, and just when I thought I was about to get my first kiss off a really hot girl, someone interrupted.

"Don't you have somewhere better to be?"

I jumped apart from Eve with surprise, my eyes narrowing when I saw it was Jackie stood there, hands on her hips and fixing Eve with a glare.

"Jackie Taylor," Eve realised, looking to her with surprise that soon transformed into annoyance.

"Eve Perkins," Jackie said bitterly.

Now I was confused, standing up as Eve did. "Wait. How do you two know each other?"

Still glaring at Eve, Jackie answered, "Eve plays for the Lions soccer team."

I raised my brows with surprise. That explained why I'd never seen her at school before – she went to our rival school. Not that that mattered, but clearly it did to the captain of the Yellowjackets.

"Really? Making moves on sophomores?" Jackie asked Eve accusingly, and all it did was infantilise me and humiliate me.

"Jackie!" I scolded, to which she gave me a disapproving look.

"What? You're a kid, Y/N!" she told me in a manner that she definitely didn't have the right. "You shouldn't be here with her."

Eve, who clearly didn't sign up for any of this, rolled her eyes. "Whatever." She glanced at me before she left, adding, "See you around."

The alcohol was starting to make me nauseous, in addition to the utter humiliation I'd just suffered, and I instantly fixed Jackie with a glare.

"What the fuck, Jackie?!"

Dropping her arms by her side, she said, "What?"

"You had no right to do that!" I shouted at her, jabbing my finger in her shoulder. "You're only one year older than me, not my mum!"

Indifferent, she straightened up and held her stance. "I was just looking out for you, Y/N. You're–"

"No," I snapped, my head starting to hurt. "You're treating me like a fucking child."

Calmly, she said, "You're Jeff's little sister–"

"But not yours," I reminded her before rolling my eyes and storming off.

"Y/N, wait!" she called, but I ignored her as I headed back inside.

—

My first hangover wasn't one I wanted to remember, especially when I woke up with memories of every horrifying thing that occurred the night before. How the hell could Jackie do that to me in front of another girl? I couldn't believe she'd overstepped like that, treating me like a kid. I hated it. I hated that she only saw me as her boyfriend's little sister. Someone to look out for. Nothing more.

The Saturday after the party was spent with me wallowing in self pity and recuperating, but then the Sunday was even more annoying because Jackie was visiting Jeff. Just the sound of her voice frustrated me and I resorted to hiding in my room just to avoid her. Of course, she couldn't take the hint.

"Go away," I snapped at her when she let herself in my room when I didn't answer to her knocks. "Just because Jeff wants you here doesn't mean I do."

"Y/N, please, I'm so sorry," she said quickly, and I rolled my eyes, looking back to my notebook and pretending she wasn't here. "I was out of line."

Unable to stay quiet, I said, "Funny how you realise that now, huh? After you humiliated me?"

"It wasn't fair," she said guiltily.

I lowered my notebook, glaring at her. "I know it wasn't. But what could I expect from someone who only sees me as a kid?"

She rubbed the crease between her forehead as she sighed regretfully. "I didn't mean that."

I rolled my eyes and looked back to my notebook, ready to ignore her again, but she suddenly took a seat on my bed and took my notebook from my lap. Before I could protest, she gazed at me with her stupidly big convincing apologetic eyes.

"You're more mature than anyone in my grade," she told me truthfully. "It's nothing to do with age, the way I acted. I was just looking out for you because I care."

"Because of obligation," I corrected her bitterly, crossing my arms.

"No," she said with certainty. "Because I care. But... I shouldn't have reacted like that. Even if it was... Eve."

I considered her words, hating that she was already wearing me down. But she seemed sincere, and I never doubted it was from a place of kindness, though it was executed in the worst way possible. And to know she didn't view me as the kid I thought she did... it was reassuring.

"Why are you so bitter about Eve?" I asked, feeling like I'd missed something.

She pushed her hair out of her face as she struggled to find the words. "It's just a feud we've always had. She's captain of the Lions, the Yellowjackets' number one enemy. It's not your problem though."

I didn't know what to say, nor how to react, and she must've taken it the wrong way as she reluctantly glanced at me.

"If you like her, go for it," she said quietly. "I won't get involved again."

She sounded almost... disappointed. And now I felt stupid because it wasn't even about Eve, not really, and it was certainly not worth ruining my friendship – however circumstantial it was – with Jackie over.

"It was just flirting," I admitted, avoiding her eyes. "A kiss. Or almost kiss. I don't like her. I don't even know her. It was just a momentary thing... it's hard having someone be interested in me. Not everybody turns heads like you, Jackie."

Jackie pulled a face. "Are you crazy? Y/N, you're beautiful."

I rolled my eyes, not even sure why I was telling her this. "You're biased."

"No," she disagreed firmly. "You are."

Not in the mood to go back and forth about this, I said, "Look, it doesn't matter. Just... please stop treating me like this. It was humiliating."

"I promise," she said, resting a hand on my lap, palm facing upwards hopefully. "Do you forgive me?"

I glanced at her, seeing the puppy eyes she was giving me, probably without even realising. Yeah, she was always a head turner, and she'd never understand what it was like to be the opposite.

"Sure," I said, placing my hand in hers, eliciting a smile from her.

"Do you wanna join Jeff and I for a movie?" she asked, squeezing my hand before standing up.

"I'd rather gouge my eyes out."

She laughed, bringing a small smile to my lips. "Fair enough. Well... I'll see you later, Y/N."

"See you later."

—

16 years old.

Jeff and Jackie had been dating for a few years now, on and off and breaking up even more than usual lately, but I didn't doubt it any more than I usually did. That was where my first mistake laid.

He'd been out to a party with Jackie and Shauna, getting a ride with Shauna because his truck was getting a repair, and they'd pulled up outside the house about ten minutes ago. I couldn't care less, but my mum sent me outside to check what was up and also invite Shauna in for dinner, so that was why I headed out in the dark to knock on.

When I reached Shauna's truck, I lifted my hand to knock on the passenger door window, only to widen my eyes when I saw the impossible. Jeff and Shauna were kissing– no, that would be an understatement. They were full blown making out, her straddling him in the passenger's seat with their tongues down each other's throats.

They must have sensed my presence because they pulled apart with confusion before their eyes widened at the sight of me. Shocked, like I was the one who'd been caught, I lowered my hand and spun around to return to the house, but then I heard the door opening behind me and Jeff was calling after me.

"Y/N, just wait!" he shouted, before skidding to a halt before me. "It's not what you think."

I was still reeling from what I'd seen, glancing over my shoulder to see a mortified Shauna avoiding my eyes and driving away. Looking back to my brother, I saw the guilt in his eyes and knew it was exactly what I thought.

"You can't say anything," he pleaded, and that snapped me out of my silence.

"You're cheating," I said aloud, still in disbelief. "You're cheating on Jackie. With her best friend."

"It just happened," he tried to explain, but all I could think about was Jackie and how distraught she'd be if she found out.

"How long?" I asked him, as if it would make a difference.

He avoided my stare. "A few months."

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I yelled, and he quickly covered my mouth to lower my volume, but I shoved him off me. "How could you do this to Jackie?!"

"I didn't mean for it to happen," he said quickly. "You have to believe me, Y/N."

My casually cool, slightly nerdy brother whom I'd looked up to my whole life was here, caught out for cheating on his girlfriend. I couldn't believe it.

"A few months," I repeated slowly. "You've been cheating on her for a few months."

She was gonna be hurt, but she deserved to know. He was my brother, but I couldn't just let her be in the dark. She deserved to know.

"You can't tell her," he said when he practically read my mind. And when I gave him a disgusted look, he grabbed my hands and continued, "No, Y/N, you can't. You–"

"Jeff, what the fuck?!" I shouted, pulling my hands from his. "I have to!"

"Think about her, about Jackie," he tried to make me see reason. "And Shauna. They're best friends. You tell her and you ruin that! Is that what you want?"

"You already did!" I yelled.

Panicking, he swallowed thickly. "Will you tell her?"

"She deserves to know," I muttered harshly. "You should've just ended it with her first. What the hell were you thinking?"

He didn't answer, and I was too ashamed of him to stand looking at him anymore, instead shoving past and heading back inside. I needed to tell Jackie, but he had a point. Her and Shauna were practically sisters – this would destroy her.

—

I was planning to tell her, I really was. She deserved to know the truth and I certainly wasn't condoning my idiot brother's actions, but wanting to tell her and actually telling her were two very different things.

Every time I thought about it, having the perfect opportunity at school to pull her aside or even when she visited the house during the week after I found out, my words got stuck in my throat and I choked. It wasn't an excuse, and I swore to myself I'd find her after school to tell her in private. But the worst thing happened.

She beat me to it.

It was lunchtime and I was grabbing some things from my locker, the hallway relatively empty as everybody was in the canteen, when I was suddenly pushed back into my locker. Surprised, I turned to see it was Jackie, stood before me with tears streaming down her face, her mascara a mess.

"You knew?!" she got straight to it, eyes searching mine.

Realisation crossed my expression, and before I could even answer, her eyes welled up even more.

"Fuck," she scoffed, hand on her hip as her other pushed her fringe from her eyes. "What a fool I've been. He said you knew and I thought maybe he was trying to upset me, but..."

Fucking Jeff and his big fucking mouth. Why wasn't I surprised he'd thrown me under the bus to make himself look better?

She turned to leave, but I tried to stop her desperately, awfully aware of how I probably looked like Jeff only a week earlier.

"Wait, please, Jackie," I said in a rushed tone, heart breaking when she looked to me with hurt. "I wanted to tell you–"

"Being an asshole must run in the family, huh?" she cut me off, before clenching her jaw. "And here I was thinking I could trust you."

"Jackie, you can, you–"

"You had your brother's back and I shouldn't have expected different," she sneered.

Guilt swallowed me whole as she turned to leave, her sniffling ricocheting off the empty halls and echoing into my ears like bullets. It was somewhat my fault for not going to her sooner, but I wasn't seeing reason as the only thing I could think of was my stupid brother and his big mouth.

I gritted my teeth as I searched the school for him, finding him hanging outside in the parking lot with some friends. As soon as I set my eyes on him, he seemed to notice and the colour drained from his face.

"What the fuck?!" I shouted at him, shoving him into his truck door.

"Woah, Y/N, just chill–"

"Fuck off, Randy!" I silenced his best friend.

"It's okay," Jeff assured his friends, who left us to our good old sibling dispute.

"You told her," I said between a glare. "You finally told her the truth."

"I did," he confirmed.

I shoved him again, making him clench his jaw slightly. "You told her I knew! Why the fuck did you do that?"

Wincing, he said, "I didn't mean to. It slipped out, Y/N. She was upset and talking about who knew and then said your name and I didn't mean to agree but–"

"But you did and now she fucking hates me," I finished for him bitterly. "She thinks I condone your stupid ass actions and that I only cared about protecting my brother."

Defensive, he straightened up. "Well, didn't you?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "No, you idiot. I just didn't know how to tell her! Fuck."

He rubbed the back of his neck guiltily as I massaged the throbbing point on my forehead. As much as I hated Jeff right now, I knew it was partially my fault. If I'd just gone to her straight away, then she could have found out the truth when she deserved, and in a way less hurtful than she did.

"Y/N, I'm sorry," Jeff said with a sigh.

"Yeah, me too," I mumbled, before leaving him be.

It was up to me to fix this now.

—

Jackie really hated me. No matter how hard I tried to get her attention or find a moment to speak with her, she'd completely avoid, glare at me or outright ignore me. I wasn't sure if anyone knew the reality behind her and Jeff's breakup, but her team were certainly suspicious when they saw the unusual distance between her and Shauna.

Only a week had passed, yet it was impossible to speak to her. The one time I believed I might have the opportunity was when I was going to the nurse's office during Music class because I needed to pick up a carpal tunnel wrist brace – turns out all that keyboard and guitar playing was taking its toll. It wasn't anything serious, but I definitely didn't expect to find Jackie in the nurse's office too, sat on the bed and holding some gauze to her forehead.

I had to do a double take when I spotted her, eyes widening immediately as I rushed to her side. "Oh my god, Jackie, what happened?"

She rolled her eyes, traces of tears on her cheeks. "None of your business. Just leave."

I took in the sight of her, noticing she was in her soccer uniform, probably practicing, but it was a little muddier than usual and her face had a little dirt on it. Did she fall?

"Jackie, please–"

"I said leave me alone!" she snapped, before wincing and readjusting so she could look away.

"Is there a problem in here?" the nurse returned to the room, as I was about to try again. She glanced between a teary-eyed Jackie and I, adding, "Can I help you, Miss Sadecki?"

For now, I accepted defeat and reluctantly stepped back from Jackie. "No, I... I mean, yeah. I was told I could get a wrist brace? My wrist has been hurting. Carpal tunnel."

"Over there," the nurse instructed, nodding to the opposite side of the room where some drawers were. "You should find one that fits."

I nodded sadly before going over there to look around. Meanwhile, I heard the nurse helping Jackie with her head, and then they began to talk and I may or may not have been slowing down my actions to listen in.

"Lucky for you, dear, it's just a scratch, but you banged your head pretty well," she was saying to Jackie. "Take these for the headache."

There was some movement as Jackie probably took her painkillers, and I glanced over briefly to see the nurse cleaning her cut and covering it.

"So, what happened to land this?" the nurse made conversation.

"Was playing soccer, just fell," Jackie mumbled uncharacteristically.

"That's unlike you, Miss Taylor," the nurse noticed.

Jackie exhaled deeply. "I've just been distracted lately, I guess."

I frowned to myself, not realising how all of this drama could be affecting Jackie's dynamic with the team, especially Shauna.

"You found what you're looking for yet, Miss Sadecki?" the nurse asked, startling me.

I grabbed the wrist brace and waved it in the air with an awkward smile. "Yes. Got it. Thanks."

She watched me over her glasses as I was forced to leave the room, but not before shooting Jackie an apologetic glance.

—

A week had passed with Jackie still avoiding me like the plague, and that was when I knew I couldn't let it go on any longer. The only way to get her attention was to show her that I genuinely didn't mean to hide the truth from her, to show her that I didn't condone Jeff's actions. And I had the perfect idea.

Once I was certain everyone at home was asleep one night, I snuck outside and used some permanent markers to graffiti the back of Jeff's truck. It was enough of an inconvenience to teach him a lesson and act as a little revenge for Jackie's sake, but not too much that it would cause world war 3. I was pretty chuffed with my idea to be completely honest, smiling at my handiwork.

The next morning, I knew Jeff would head straight into his truck without looking at the back, not far behind me, so I had no concerns in that area. Instead, I drove to school as usual, eyes scanning the parking lot for Jackie. As soon as I spotted her stood by her teammate Lottie's car, the two of them chatting, I headed straight over to her. Lottie saw me first, conversation ceasing, and then Jackie looked over and rolled her eyes.

"I'm not in the mood, Y/N," she said dismissively.

"I know, but just wait–"

"Take a hint," she said rudely, and Lottie dismissed herself, detecting the tension between us.

"You don't have to talk to me," I said quickly, before she decided to leave too, "but just wait and see. Please."

"Y/N–"

I turned around, quickly looking at the entrance of the parking lot to see if Jeff was here yet, and just on time, I saw his familiar truck driving in.

"Just look!" I told Jackie, holding her arm to stop her from leaving.

She furrowed her brows, curious and annoyed, and followed my gaze. The honking that followed his entrance was enough to hold her attention, and I held back a smile as everybody began to see what the commotion was. He drove past to find a parking spot quickly, and I caught sight of his red face in the driver's seat. Then the back of his truck was in full view, earning laughter from every student present, and I pursed my lips to hold my own in.

'HONK IF I HAVE A TINY WIENER' was written in thick black ink on the back of his truck, with a somewhat questionable doodle beside it. Some of my best work, I won't lie.

"You did that?" Jackie asked, and I looked at her with an apologetic smile.

"I did. I'm sorry, Jackie. I don't like what he did at all. I just want to talk to you."

Her expression softened, finally free of the hurt she'd harboured for me this past week, and I anticipated her response before Jeff suddenly appeared, worked up and embarrassed.

"Are you o–"

"Did you do this?!" he cut me off hysterically, looking to Jackie.

People were still honking their horns and it was very difficult for me to not burst into laughter.

"I didn't–" Jackie started, surprised, but I interrupted.

"Seriously, Jeff?" I said casually. "How would she have done that? Walk all the way across town to our house and do it in the night?"

He pressed his lips together, flustered, knowing I was right. And saying nothing more, he stormed off, steam practically coming from his ears. Only when he was out of hearing distance did Jackie finally let out a laugh.

"You didn't need to do that," she told me, though her expression said otherwise.

"I did," I said knowingly, holding her gaze.

She sighed, smile fading a little.

"I was going to tell you the truth, I swear," I said, using this as my opportunity to speak, but voice speeding up the more nervous I got. "I only knew for a week. I was planning to tell you as soon as I found out, but then he begged me not to and I was confused and I didn't want to hurt you and you found out and it was out of my control."

Frowning at the memory, she looked down at her shoes, lost in thought. The longer she stayed quiet, the worse I felt.

"Please, Jackie," I pleaded, "I'm so sorry."

"I believe you," she murmured, though still not meeting my gaze.

I wasn't optimistic – what if she wanted to leave it at that and never talk to me again? What if she couldn't hang around with me anymore because I reminded her of Jeff? What if–

She hugged me, silencing my doubts in an instant, and I sighed with relief as I wrapped my arms around her, squeezing her tight.

"I'm here for you," I promised her. "I hope you know that."

She nodded in my shoulder, not quite letting go just yet. "I know. Thank you."

#jackie taylor x you #jackie taylor imagine #jackie taylor x reader #jackie taylor #ella purnell #yellowjackets imagine #yellowjackets

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thatstonedwriter · 1 month

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˚₊‧🍄[ Hangin' with The Boys ]🍃˚₊‧

◉ Synopsis; how the Boys spend their time off (with you)

◉ CW; potential spoilers for seasons 1-3, substance use (and abuse), swearing

◉ A/n- aight my first piece for the Boys- went with something tame to ease myself into writing for this insane show- wtf am I doing

◉ feat; Butcher, Hughie, Frenchie, M.M, Kimiko

Moments of peace are few and far between when you're hunting and killing Supes. When you're not being thrown out windows and being threatened by the world's most powerful entities, free time with the Boys is definitely a special treat

The bastard he is, Butcher spends any free time he's got smoking, drinking, and antagonizing the others- just for a laugh. Butcher will always try to sneak off to a bar or some back room- but ever since you joined the crew, he's had a hard time shaking you off. Always following diligently- or maybe just to be an annoyance- Butcher is almost never free of you- or your attempts to get him to socialize. Forced proximity and a lot of patience were crucial to Butcher finally caving and allowing you to join him for a drink one day. At first, it’s quiet- not uncomfortably so, with the usual ruckus in the room over serving as odd but comforting background noise. Any conversation that does take place is likely started by Butcher insulting you. That goes for every other conversation that follows, too. You’re either a Butcher enabler or you help pull him back. Maybe it depends on the day- either way, your partnership comes at the expense of the others’ sanity. Pranks, insults, and drinks/cigs galore- the two of you go through the “recreational supplies” faster than Frenchie.

I really, really hope you like (or can at least tolerate) Billy Joel because that’s all Hughie wants to have playing in the background while the two of you talk. Of course, feel free to introduce new shit- he’s flexible (but lbr, this dude just wants Billy Joel). When you’re not being forced to listen to “We Didn’t Start the Fire” for the millionth time, the two of you are playing card games, sneaking off to arcades and movies, and even possibly going to visit Hughie’s dad or Annie. Whether you’re on the train, the couch, or (M.M forbid) laying on the disgusting floor, you and Hughie are damn-near always sharing earbuds to listen to music. Hughie would really enjoy just people watching with you. Seeing people live normal lives, happy and (relatively) safe- it makes him believe he could have that one day, ideally with his friends and family- that includes you. The playful/nerdy banter between you two is considered to be the most wholesome part of the crew.

Frenchie I wanna get high w you please- ahem- Yeah Frenchie likes to do a lot of drugs- but he won’t be offended if you decline. Usually, Kimiko and Frenchie come as a pair, so with you, they’re a happy trio! Together, you and Frenchie will request songs for Kimiko to play on the keyboard, the three of you will dance to whatever is playing on Kimiko’s iPod, you and Frenchie learn/practice Kimiko’s sign language, you and Kimiko entertain Frenchie’s high shenanigans (and pull him back when he goes too far)- basically any and everything you can do, you do together. Hope you have space in your brain for two more languages because alongside Kimiko’s SL, Serge would absolutely die if you learned any French- even you just learning the basics would melt his heart. Frenchie often encourages you and Kimiko to sneak out with him to go on “dates” (lowkey thruple coded) to small, hole-in-the-wall bars and restaurants. He’s for sure going to ask your opinions on chemistry or whatever the fuck while he’s making/studying bombs. He’s not miffed if you don’t know or can’t answer- often times he’s talking to himself anyways- but any feedback is always appreciated.

M.M would really appreciate a grounding presence in the crew- and that’s exactly what you helped provide. You helped balance the ratio of crazy to insane within the group, and for that, M.M is eternally grateful. Often times, while he’s cleaning/organizing equipment, you’ll keep him company. This often turns into M.M opening up about his family, OCD, concerns he has about the Boys, etc. He’s a firm believer in hard work, discipline and learning so you won’t just be standing around while you talk and listen- oh no, he’s showing you the way- the proper way- to clean the weapons, disinfect the counters, organize the shelves- hell, he’ll even ration out some supplies so he can teach you some first aid/sutures. It’ll probably be a while before you get through to M.M’s softer side, but it’s totally worth it to get there. M.M wants the best for his crew, and though it’s tough love, the rigorous lessons are all taught in hopes of you being able to protect yourself (and keep the hideout tidy).

Happy trio part 2! Nobody expected the quiet, intimidating Kimiko to enjoy music and art as much as she does. You and Frenchie are her biggest fans and supporters, and often show her new music to listen to- if you’re lucky, you can get some pirated versions of old cartoons to watch together. Kimiko loves dancing and listening to/playing music- and since you and Frenchie usually indulge her, that’s what you spend a lot of your time doing. The others call it goofing off- you three call it a healthy dose of fun. When Frenchie is out, Kimiko spends a lot of time teaching you her SL so that you can talk without Frenchie being the translator. Sure, typing on the phone is easier, but being able to have secret conversations with your friends is so much better, don’t you think? Talking shit about the others right in front of them is a treasured experience you, Kimiko and Frenchie share.

#the boys #the boys x reader #the boys x you #billy butcher #billy butcher x reader #the boys hughie #hughie campbell #hughie x reader #m.m the boys #frenchie the boys #the boys frenchie #frenchie x reader #kimiko the boys #kimiko x reader #platonic x reader #platonic relationships #gender neutral reader #writings.onthe.wall

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readbyred · 1 year

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You're writing for the new TD? That's fun! I cannot wait to see more of it 🫶 Would it be possible for if you wrote about contestants that have no dating experience and ask their fellow contestants for flirting advice and strategy? I think this would be especially fun with contestants like Zee, Priya and so on! Thank you if you're writing this! 👐

I already like you anon, that’s a good req. I’ll do a part two if u want, with all contestants even. But for now I have only a few cause some just fit the prompt more/I have an idea for them. So those will b: priya, zee, axel, scary girl, ripper, chase. If you think I have a fav team - you’re totally right haha

Also I hope I understood correctly. If not I can redo it. Like, the character is into sbd (reader) and they ask their friend for advice, yeah?

-> Priya

We all know that her whole thing is being prepared, setting goals and reaching them. Whether it’s Total Drama or med school, she has it all figured out. But there was never any camp or class on having a crush. That’s why, when she realises that she has one, she goes to Millie for help. She has a way of looking at having one as if it’s a task she needs to accomplish, a challenge to win. Needless to say - it didn’t do much. Her crush might not even know she likes them at that point. So to stop herself from making things worse, she confided in her best friend. Millie, as a fan of traditional values above all, thinks that being kind and honest about her feelings is the way. To help Priya overcome her nerves, she proposes that she should get used to her crush by being around them in a group setting. Also, as she states, chivalry can do wonders. After a few days Priya did get more comfortable around her crush, even if only a little. Any time they need help - she’s there! Even if it’s just opening doors. As they get more comfortable with each other, she’ll even propose training them. After all, Millie said that the power of true classical romance can conquer all

-> Zee

As much of an easy going guy as Zee is, he does get a tiny bit worked up about his crush. There never was much of a desire to get into a relationship. Although he is a private person, he does mention some of his feelings to Chase and Ripper. Ah, my sweet summer child. That poor guy had no idea. As soon as they hear him mention having a crush, their eyes light up and they have him sit down, so that they can tell him EXACTLY what to do. They swarm him with incoherent advice, talking one over the other. They see this as their way to show off their incredible game. Of which they have arguably none. They make a ‘game plan’ for Zee, but half of it goes over his head. The other half of information still deals massive damage though. So every time he talks with his crush he pulls those weird moves that do nothing but confuse both parties. He mixes up the pick-up lines, makes multiple failed attempts at the yawn-thing and doesn’t even really get how those things are supposed to improve anything. Imo he’s too chill to really go all out and try to win sbd over in any dramatic way. And acting like somebody different is against his own beliefs. So he only ever listens to their advice if he thinks that it will make his crush happy. That’s for the best to be honest because Chase would be projecting his feelings for Emma and living through Zee’s situation. And I can see Ripper totally quoting some date coach he watches, like, build your crush up and then destroy them to show them who’s boss, don’t smile at women to make them think they have to work for it, compare them to other people. Thankfully it doesn’t work bc it’s Zee we’re talking abt, he wouldn’t. So, good on him. And his crush.

-> Axel

My girl definitely takes her time to realise she might need help. At first she would be trying to impress her crush with her survival skills. But showing up with wild animals half cooked on a stick or leaving trinkets at their shoes might not be the best idea to get her point across. This girl’s like a cat fr! I feel like she would maybe ask Nichelle since she always seems so confident and Axel is one of the only contestants that isn’t intimidated by her fame. Asking her might sound like a good idea, but uhm,, it’s very hit or miss. She doesn’t actually have much dating experience and just like with being athletic - she’s better at talking than at doing. But if anyone can advise Axel how to approach people- it’s her. The key to get to know her crush. She advises Axel to approach it like a task, like learning a new role. Observe, maybe ask their friends or them is she’s not sure about something. Ask them questions about themselves too. It’s not too romantic but it works.

-> Lauren

I’m not sure how badly the things would have to get for her to ask anybody for help. Her methods are… uncanny to say the least. She’s not above tormenting her crush for the hell of it. Actually, it might be her favourite thing to do. But it doesn’t get her far. That’s where Priya comes in. Since they became friends she would feel a bit more comfortable asking Lauren about the whole… situation. She’d be glad to help (despite having very little experience herself) but I can’t imagine Scary girl jumping on the chance. After some time she would give in though, if her crush gets too scared of her. Priya would try to get Lauren to open up more and it’s probably terrifying for all parties involved. But in the end she does convince her eerie friend to at least try to hint to the person that she’s interested in them romantically and will NOT hunt them down for sport (most likely). It’s Scary Girl we’re talking about so it’s about as romantic as it gets

-> Ripper

Just like he said, he has tons of experience and kissed a lot of girls. He’s just… unused to caring about one person. Yeah! Bc, yk, usually he keeps a rotation of hot chicks. No need to get all worked up over one girl that he could very easily have. Still, he does ask Chase for advice. Because he’s a bro and because he’s more so the type to get with someone long term. So, perhaps if his crush proves to be worth it, he might need help with starting his first serious relationship. Ripper’s idea of getting his crush to like him back is to get rich and/or famous. Then they will find him hot. If he’ll have money then he’ll be attractive and cool. Right? Well, Chase does entertain the idea but also tries to get his bro to rizz his crush a little earlier than after they all leave the show. It’s not like he has to ask him long, Ripper has a collection of lines straight from his favourite alphalpha pick up artist podcast and is ready to use them. Chase mostly just hypes him up. But also advises him against things like, yk, farting or talking about human waste (which should be a given but isn’t). Though Ripper is on the fence about it I can see him listening to the advice depending on how his crush reacts to those things. Also Chase tries to be his wingman. Which completely blows his cover, if his crush didn’t know Ripper liked them before - they sure will after Chase gets involved

-> Chase

Now, Chase has definitely been in a relationship. But realistically speaking it could have been his first and only one. And though he’s great, objectively his crush might not jump on the chance to be with him. Like, he’s not rly, yk, emotionally mature. Also, like, he did pee himself/right on the sidewalk on a date bc he couldn’t hold it and that seemed like the best option. Would sell his crush for pizza too. But! He is persistent. And strangely charming in his own failboy way. Still, if puppy dog eyes and following his crush around doesn’t work then he will ask his bros. It will either go great or very very badly. Because Zee could genuinely have some decent advice. And it’s not that Ripper can’t get good ideas. But I feel like he would get really focused on proving his experience with girls and not on actually helping. All in all at least Chase isn’t shy about his feelings, because the flirting advice he is given varies in quality. But at least his crush will know how he feels ig

#listen I’m not even clowning on the podcasts #I listen to some on yt myself even if I can’t really say I need all advice #like yk for dating bc it’s rly gendered #I’m more so expanding on the satire that is his character like ik he’s a parody of the type of guys that often even the hosts of these shows #disagree with #x reader #fanfic #imagine #x y/n #total drama x reader #tdi x reader #td x reader #Priya x reader #axel x reader #zee x reader #scary girl x reader #chase x reader #ripper x reader

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alligatorhearts · 4 months

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Pick a Pile - Hard Truths Readings

I don't do collective readings often, but I'm feeling the call to share a message, and since there are no orders sitting in my store, that can only mean that this is for you, babe.

Pick the emoji that calls you: 👽💦🫀🦄

Did you find the one that hit the spot? Good. The deck I used is called Respectfully the Truth by Messages by Julissa and it has been one of my favorite supplemental decks to use during readings, but I went ahead and dove right in with it for this collective and the cards did! not! disappoint!

Without further ado...

👽 You Might Be the Bad Guy, Billie Eillish I'm so sorry to be the one to tell you this, but it looks like you already heard it through the grapevine. You and someone close to you, whether that be a romantic partner or a friend, have recently had a deep conversation. You had to apologize to them for some poor behavior that hurt them, and they said they were over it, so why won't they get over it already?! Slow your horses, speed racer. Your person did in fact mean what they said, but they also need some time to get themselves back together. Their level of upset is STILL huge. In the meantime, you've been leaving someone else hanging. Maybe you thought that they weren't interested in spending time with you, but like with the person you hurt (or maybe they're the same person, different instances!) you haven't given them enough time and space to catch their breath! You have them stuck, and they don't know how to act. Slow your roll!

💦 That Man is not your Soulmate! Hit him with your Car!

You have been stuck in reverse, and for what?! Baby, you are powerful. Your energy is RADIANT and this person--maybe even these people--around you can. not. deal. They are stuck in the past and not willing to move forward because you intimidate them. They're intimidated by you! Your vibrations are vibrationing so far out of this atmosphere that they KNOW they can't keep up. It's okay to take a beat right now and take stock of who you have around you. Not everyone is going to catch up to you, and that's okay! Cut ties where it feels right, and leave distance where it doesn't. You do NOT need to minimize yourself for others.

🫀 Professional Gaslighter Magnet

That's you. And listen, babe, sometimes that's me, too. Your partner, ex-partner, or toxic bestie has been whispering sweet nothings in your ear about how much you mean to them. They aren't lying, per se--you're the goat. Or whatever the kids are saying now. What they're hiding is that their affection for you is not so simple. You're providing something to them that they can not live without--cash, housing, transportation, emotional support, street cred. Whatever it is, they aren't willing to give it up, even if it comes at a cost to you. This person is afraid that one day every terrible, sightless thing that they've done to you is going to catch up with them, and that sucks because they can't stand the idea of you doing for others what you do for them. They want you all for yourself like a little trophy they can hang on their wall. When you're ready, end the cycle of forgiveness, because your intuition about their intentions is 100% accurate.

🦄We All want to be You Right Now???

This was supposed to be about HARD truth, what are you doing here? I immediately felt a softer energy when I picked up this last stack of cards, and I can tell you I was NOT wrong. It feels like you've started something new with someone, and there are some feelings of shyness. Maybe even a bit of fear to jump in the water. There was a misunderstanding or a disagreement between you and a person you've recently started dating or become friends with, and you've been giving them the cold shoulder ever since. This person is ready to talk! They don't intend to go anywhere--no matter how long you make them wait--and in the meantime, they've been letting everyone know what their intentions are. This person is ALL about YOU! As soon as you think you can do it, go on ahead and give them the chance to speak their truth. They're about what they say.

#pick a pile #tarot readings #tarot collective #tarotblr #hard truths #pick an emoji #witches #witchblr #magic

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the-s1lly-corner · 1 year

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Can I get E, F, I, and W for the slenderman fluff alphabet, please? Your take on my favorite pasta cryptid of all time is so nice and interesting. Adds a certain depth I don't typically see.

Fluff Alphabet w/ Slenderman but it's these letters!

side thing but guys go listen to redoin by jerryterry its so fucking good im listening to it on loop while im writing this and its making my vibrate

E (EMOTION)-

stone cold exterior, warm squishy interior. still hung up on the "slenderman longs for companionship just like everyone else but rarely gets that need met due to his nature and way of existence"

in other words he can be a passionate sap in regards to you, behind closed doors. he can wrapped up easily in things, so sometimes his passion can be mischaracterized as rage or annoyance but rest assured he's not angry with your existence

right in the middle of the "heart on the sleeve" and "cold and distant" thing, he feels he needs to keep up his image of powerful monster but he doesn't let you think at any moment that you're not important to him

F (FAMILY)-

i don't think he would want kids, and thats assuming he even can. in my au he was created by zalgo with the sole purpose to cause problems for people, i dont think zalgo was thinking about whether or not slenderman can reproduce when he making him

of course adoption is always an option, and who knows, maybe if you guys find some stray kid in the woods he might just take them in

this is where my take on slenderman strays a lot from the original since i personally think slenderman just. kicks kids out of the woods (which leads to them talking about him, which leads to slenderman being a known cryptid in universe) but thats mostly just me not wanting to dwell on child death + giving the dude some level of morals that at least somewhat align with the self loathing that comes with his "i dont want to eat people but i have to in order to survive" thing

but hey i think thats because i love those comics where people draw predator and prey animals where both sides are sympathetic

love shit like that

slenderman is only one part of this huge web that we call nature, simply existing because that's just how things are

whips and nae naes

I (INJURY)-

rest assured that he will tear the world apart should someone or something ever send harm your way. god forbid you are mortally wounded or even killed

he knows some basic first aid stuff thanks to watching people for so so so long, but he's a kriller not a healer, he doesnt know what to do if youre losing a bunch of that red liquid that fuels your insides

oddly calm about it, though, though with the way he holds you you can feel his rage seething under his skin

he himself /can/ get injured but its rarely something to fret about unless its like, from some real powerful person or some human who knows how to take down a specific man eating forest demon; i've actually never really thought about what conditions would need to be met to outright krill slenderman but

yeah

when he's the one hurt he insists you not to worry, it's going to take a LOT to keep him down

if you're injured and its something he can treat he will make sure you take it easy but hes not going to baby you about it

W (WARRIOR)-

okay so im writing this segment first because i can write a whole essay and really i dont know if theres going to be anything stopping me from doing just that. curse you jerryterry, the bops are so good. anyways onto the topic; a lot of my interpretation of slenderman is admittedly based around the early fandom characterization of him + a very specific fic that will remain nameless (though im more than happy to spill the link in dms, said fic also has some influence over my entire au/hc thing but thats not todays topic)

despite what many may think, i feel like, at least with my hyper specific take on slenderman, i feel like he wouldnt want you to fight along side him or be a proxy. only time i can see him date a proxy or fellow kriller is if you were already one prior to the relationship. in my au, slenderman resents his own existence for being what he is, and if he could he WOULD choose to be something else; however he cant rewrite the laws of this universe or fight against his biological functions

like i can go on an entire tangent, but my au is still so scrambled around that im not entirely sure where to start or how im going to make it make sense, but i feel like he would much rather keep you by him and safe (and even then i feel like thats pushing it, sure hes more than capable of protecting you but what if something stronger than him comes and fucks shit up? not all the creepypasta characters are buddy buddy)

but perhaps i will write a collection of loosely connected one shots one day detailing the world building and dynamics

i make no promises

#creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta x you #slenderman imagine #slenderman x reader #slenderman headcanons

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nuoyipeach · 7 months

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Carry My Name

Chapter 6

Park Sooyoung X Nakamoto Yuta

warnings: a little sadness

At six months, Yuta had forced Sooyoung to take a step back from her work and leave it to her vice-president, and although reluctant, she decided to listen to her husband knowing he was simply looking out for her and their baby’s best interests. He had already found the best obstetrician and even paediatrician for when the baby comes, and always made sure he attended every one of her check-ups.

“You’re being paranoid Yu-san.” Sooyoung huffed as her husband settled her into bed, making sure she was in the most comfort, one pillow for her back, one for her legs, one on her drop side of the bed, and one extra one in case she wanted to lie down sideways to rest her belly on. Although she found it tiring how much her husband was fussing over her every second, she also enjoyed the extra attention and affection.

But Yuta had another reason for being so paranoid. He refused to tell her, especially after finding out her pregnancy, that her father had been sending threatening mail to her office, which his guards luckily intercepted and sent his way instead. He didn’t know whether her father was that bold and daring or just blatantly stupid, if not both, considering he was the one to write up the peace contract yet is now the first to break one of the clauses.

No threats to be made between agreeing groups.

At this point he was prepared to fight back, but he didn’t want to put his wife through anything, not when her due date was closing in. He upgraded security, had two extra guards follow her everywhere in secret besides the two who do so anyways, and had eyes put on her father to see what he was up to. According to every one of the letters he sent, the old man was seemingly trying to get money out of her, which could only have meant he was running out himself.

Right now Yuta laid his head on his wife’s lap, who was sitting half up in bed watching TV, and pressed his ear against her bulging belly. The more he looked at her, the more he couldn’t believe this was his wife. If possible, it was as if pregnancy made her more beautiful to him, something he would constantly remind her whenever she felt bad about her changing body.

He rubbed her belly with his hand, pushed her nightgown off, and pressed kisses on it anywhere he could, feeling even more content when feeling her hand suddenly brush through his hair.

“My baby.” he whispered into her skin, but loud enough for her to hear. “All mine. I won’t let anything ever come close to hurting you. I will kill whoever puts a tear on your face. I will have ten guards walk with you everywhere, actually no, I’ll have them carry you so my princess doesn’t get her feet tired.”

He stopped when Sooyoung playfully slapped his arm, causing him to laugh. “I knew we shouldn’t have asked for the gender, you’re going to spoil her too much.” she said half scolding. “You can protect her without spoiling her.”

“Impossible.” he said almost as if declaring it. “I will spoil my daughter so no one will be good enough for her. I will make sure we love her so much that she won’t have to find any missing pieces elsewhere. I will give her everything within my power to make her happy.”

Sooyoung shook her head turning her attention back to the screen, while her husband continued smothering her belly with kisses and affectionate words. Inside though, she was the happiest and calm knowing how seriously Yuta was taking being a father, especially to a daughter.

Having grown up with a mafia father herself, and seeing others in her shoes, a slight fear in her had conjured about the upbringing of her child, especially when finding out it was a girl. But seeing Yuta head over heels already over the unborn baby reassured her he was different, he always had been from the day they met until now.

Thinking about the baby, a sudden realisation hit her, and her chest hurt as tears started pooling in her eyes. Yuta was quick to notice and sat up next to her immediately, pulling her into a hug tight.

“What saddens you sweetheart?” he spoke into her hair, hand rubbing her back.

“Our baby girl will grow up… get married… marry, and…” she chocked before continuing at the thought of the next part. “we’ll never see her again…”

“Bullshit.” Yuta’s jaw tightened, his hold on his wife tightening with one hand grabbing her belly as well. “It’s a shit tradition, we both know it. I don’t care where she goes or who she marries. My daughter is mine forever, and I will always keep her my number one priority along with you. She will always have a place in our home, as she will in our hearts.” he pressed a kiss onto her forehead before speaking again.

“I know it scares you, it scares me too… but don’t think about that now sweetheart, for now let’s think about her as our baby. We still have to find her the perfect pink stroller, and baby proof the house.”

His heart softened hearing his wife chuckle through her tears. “We haven’t even picked out a name yet…” she mumbled, snuggling into his chest. He hummed before grabbing her legs and pulling her aside to sit across his lap.

“How about Yumeko?”

“Nakamoto Yumeko?” she faced up at him with a smile. “I guess our daughter and I will both have super long names.” they laughed, her hand moving up to cup his face, her eyes staring at him dreamily and thumb rubbing his cheek. Even though she knew it was the hormones, she also knew her excessive love for him was all reasonable. He may have been her first and only lover, but Sooyoung couldn’t imagine a life without him, at least not a happy one.

She pulled him down to kiss her, a short but deep one, their noses still touching even as they pulled away. “I love you so much, Yu-san.” she snuggled closer, her face in his neck. “I want to be with you every single day for the rest of my life.”

“Me too.” Yuta mumbled, slowly laying down with her clinging on to him. Her father’s letters were nagging at him at the back of his mind, but at this minute he threw it all out and focused on nothing but his pregnant wife in his arms, the only thing he cared about in this life of his.

“F*CK!” Shotaro quickly moved away as things flew his way off of the desk in his boss’s office. The young secretary pursed his lips seeing the mafia leader enraged beyond what he had ever seen, all from one envelope the guards had passed him earlier. He grabbed the letter off the floor, and read its contents, understanding exactly why Yuta was as pissed off as he showed.

“Well, sir?” he asked a little nervously, watching as Yuta paced around the table in circles, kicking whatever was in front of him. “What should we do?”

“Code red.” Yuta muttered, picking up the special landline from the corner table and pressing some buttons. “The contract is no longer viable, and I am definitely not letting that piece of shit go on with his life unpunished. He’s old anyways, what’s he got left to live for.”

His words sent a shiver down Shotaro’s spine, having worked for him so long he had never heard such vile or vicious words leave his mouth. With a simple nod, he cleared up the mess before following Yuta out to meet up the rest who he had called just now, their Code Red task becoming immediate priority.

And despite keeping a level head throughout the whole process, his mind was filled with fear and worry about the only happiness in his life.

>>>

#nct #nct 127 #red velvet #kpop fanfic #nctvelvet #fluff #angst #park sooyoung #nakamoto yuta #mafia au #nct fanfic #red velvet fanfic #nct yuta #red velvet joy

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sailorblossoms-snowbaz · 1 year

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Simon and middle grounds...

Unpacking what Simon calling Baz a creep could mean got me thinking into how much of CO “post-kissing Baz” (and even during) puts Simon into this sort of middle place, where he can’t fully let go of the assumptions and narratives that shaped almost half his life, but he can no longer deny himself what he feels for Baz. When Simon is calling Baz a creep in his own house or something like that and in his head he’s like “I used to mean that but he’s the most familiar thing here and I sleep better listening to him breathing” he’s in a middle ground. Not fully letting go of that nasty little impulse to be antagonistic (and frame Baz in an antagonist light, or at least try to) but also communicating that Baz is home. “He’s a creep and his presence soothes my heart and soul, clearly I hate him.” Ah, Simon.

His “I’m not even remotely ready to think about me being gay” would naturally extend to “I’m not ready to admit I dated a girl I have no feelings for and unpack what would that mean.” So when he can no longer deny that he felt jealous because of Baz in the woods, he completely avoids thinking about Agatha and settles for “I was jealous over both, I guess.” (“I guess” “I suppose” is a Simon who’s not at all giving you his true feelings) (I have said it many times: Simon’s romantic jealousy is only about Baz – he has such a strong reaction at the idea of Baz being with someone else – his deal with Agatha is different. He’s not ever concerned about her love life! And he already indirectly admits in WS he was neither in love nor attracted to her when goes “Baz is the only I ever wanted and loved like this” in the context of thinking about romance and sex).

There’s also Simon being like “he’s not a villain, he’s just a bully” – he’s taking an elevated idea of bad, as in actual evil, and grounding it into a normal level of bad (he’s just a boy) because he’s not ready to admit the narrative he asigned to Baz is 100% wrong... What I just said was pointed out to me by someone else, in one of my first posts in this fandom “the boy has a degree in assholery but I know we don’t genuinely believe Baz was an actual bully. What are we even doing here.” The essence of what I said iirc is that Simon is full of shit and we can’t really think he was a poor helpless victim and Baz his biggest tormentor based on what he says/how he frames their interactions, the Cinderella to Baz’s wicked step-sister ways, or that their dynamic was bully-victim. The point is that they were equals. They went out of their ways to be equals (reflected in Simon thinking of this period of their lives as him being Baz’s match!). I’m remembering that someone wanted to counter this with “the power dynamics of Baz being from a powerful and rich family vs Simon being a poor orphan” which got me thinking...

Simon, Baz and location...

I don’t think that power dynamic really applies inside the bubble of Watford (which is a hell of a bubble). I mean, what the fuck is Baz’s money doing for him there? What does being a part of an old powerful family do for their offspring in the mage’s school other than potentially turning some kids into annoying posh brats during those first couple of years? Other than putting them in disadvantage while in the mage’s school, rather than in a privileged position, when the war gets serious? (Penny talks about boys being taken out of the school as a sign of “shit is about to hit the fan”). Maybe I’m overlooking something, I don’t know. I just don’t see how Baz’s family and money do much (beyond making Simon feel less sophisticated and educated) to alter their dynamic in a way that makes Simon an actual victim/target. Especially given that Simon is the protégé of the guy running the school... (If the mage was a different kind of fucker and didn’t have “endangering Simon” as a hobby, one might wonder whether the mage’s heir wouldn’t have more “power” than the children of disgraced families while in the mage’s school... but that’s a moot point) (and Baz’s “powerful family” is literally just Fiona and Malcolm. Just Fiona if you only think about Pitches by blood. What the fuck kind of influence do they have over that school when Baz is a student? Fiona’s plots include leaving actual shit on the mage’s bed. They’re deeply unserious people!). Hell, one even has to note that Baz being from The Powerful Pitches does jackshit for him in the mage’s school outside of painting a huge target on him whenever the mage remembers who is his mother. It’s a disadvantage for him, one might even say.

I’m saying all of this because my point is: while in the bubble of Watford, there are many forces driving them to fight each other, building walls between them, giving them tools of perhaps equal destructive force, but they go out of their way (Simon never turns his crazy magic on Baz, Baz never pushes Simon harder than Simon can push back) to stay equal, to be two boys beefing rather than victim vs tormentor (they both break each other’s noses). Baz can be a huge asshole; so can Simon. Baz can be cruel; holy shit, so can Simon!.... Which got me thinking about location beyond Watford.

Baz and Simon don’t ever meet outside of bubble Watford, where the mentioned power dynamic would matter, when they’re “enemies.” That only happens when they have a truce. Simon doesn’t show up in Baz’s house until he feels that Baz and he are on the same side (when he doesn’t think but might feel, even subsconciously, that Baz would shield him from his family... he spends most of his visit in Baz’s bedroom) He’s side-eyed and there’s tension, but he’s relatively fine in that house because he comes as Baz’s visit (until he blows it all up).

This also makes me think how, when Simon and Baz are together, but not living together, Baz spends most of the time in Simon’s flat. Baz goes to Simon’s “turf” – Simon isn’t “exposed to those dynamics” then, either (nor is Baz living in the place that was once associated with that anymore).

When Baz and Simon start living together, money or those type of dynamics aren’t a problem, either. They’re beautifully using the money of the dead man responsible for so much of the bad things that happened to them to fund their homosexual bliss. I mean, said man would certainly have a problem with that, but the bitch is dead. Who cares. And by the time Simon visits Baz’s family again, we know he too has a rich family (and a haven in Ruth’s home) so none of that is a concern then, either.

#snowbaz #simon snow #baz grimm pitch #baz pitch #awtwb #wayward son #snow for christmas #baz x simon #simon x baz #carry on

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milfweirdal · 1 year

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Random Question: When did you first learn about Al and at what point did you fall down into the land of Weird Al hyperfixation?

hi mirrors! (I hope it's ok me calling you that lmk if there's something else you'd like me to call you instead!)

Ok so I first learned about al when I was a kid, about 8ish. I assume this age because I think it was around the time that Poodle Hat came out. My dad introduced me to his music. I don't think he was like, a fan? More of a casual enjoyer. When he showed me and my lil bro the songs eBay and Eat It and Fat and Like A Surgeon and Amish Paradise we were both entranced. My brother was more into him than I was then and when Straight Outta Lynwood came out he introduced me to Virus Alert and I'll Sue Ya and Don't Download This Song and also Hardware Store and I loved them all. I loved the way he made the songs funny and silly and wasn't afraid to be weird. I never really dug deeper into his music than that and for a long while I mostly forgot about him apart from occasionally jamming to those songs and enjoying it when my brother played his music and irritating the people around me by singing his lyrics over the original songs whenever I heard them.

Fast forward to right at the end of December last year. 2022 was a very Year for me and I was looking forward to it being over and moving into 2023 and was like. 2022 has gotta have one final curveball for me. Let's see what it ends up being. Then one of my mutuals on main reblogged the Germs weird al gnc af gifset. And I was shook to my core. The fact that he'd done a nine inch nails pastiche? One of my favourite bands, that I discovered after my weird al days? How had it never really occurred to me that he had an entire discography that I could now explore as an adult with a richer understanding and appreciation of wordplay, humour, composition and music in general? And how had I taken this long to realise how gender he was? How much of a formative influence on me was he without me realising at all? Is he the reason I love Hawaiian shirts, I even wondered?? A couple of days later the hyperfixation hit like a ton of bricks. Like it hit so hard that I didn't sleep at all that night. I was just listening to his songs and scrolling through @yankovic-lovers until like 10am. I think I made this sideblog around the middle of January when I knew that being normal about him was likely no longer going to be an option. Then a few days after that I happened to Google "weird al tour dates" because I love seeing live music and was curious as to whether he ever played live in the UK or not and whaddaya know? He was shortly going to be playing a show of the return of the vanity tour at the same venue I saw nine inch nails at last summer. Spooky. So of course I bought a ticket. And no word of a lie, that was one of the best shows I've ever been to, even with just the seated set. Seeing a full scale tour is now bucket list territory for me.

It's been just about seven months of Yankofreakin' It and shows no sign of slowing. I'm really taking my time with exploring his entire career outside of music and outside of his main studio albums cos I don't want it to end honestly :'). I really think he's going to be one of those artists who's going to become a solid favourite, who's going with me in some way for life even when this hyperfixation isn't so intense anymore. Feels weird to say but it feels like I was always meant to find my way back to being a fan of him, like it was inevitable, and I'm so happy that it finally happened. He's really helped me understand myself and appreciate myself more (queer autistic self-recognition through the sillygoofy Other is a powerful thing, it turns out), helped me cope with what has turned out to be another difficult year, and I absolutely adore the fan community on here - you're all utterly delightful and I'm really glad to have 'met'/shitposted with you all.

I don't think that mutual who reblogged that gifset actually knows it was their fault (lighthearted) like we've never talked so I've never had the opportunity to be like. YOU!! (insert photo of person grabbing cat who knocked over plantpot here)

TL;DR: liked him as a kid, mostly forgot about him after that and then at New Year's one of my mutuals reblogged a gifset of him sliding down a mic stand in a Trent Reznor costume and now I spend my days calling him a milf on Tumblr dot com.

Thank you for asking!!! This is a sideblog so consider this reply to be me also sending you an ask with precisely the same questions!!

#asks #op

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taminoarticles · 2 years

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— Tamino for Rolling Stone France (x) (x) (Original French text)

Tamino “Launching Thought Lines"

Discovery of the year in 2018, thanks to an unstoppable single, the songwriter from Antwerp returns with a new, even more original opus. Interview.

By BELKACEM BAHLOULI - Photo ALEKSEI BENUCHI

TAMINO PREFERS TO MAKE his own path and let his music do the talking. In terms of music, precisely, if we oscillate between pop, rock, folk and oriental influences, finding a classification for it would be nonsense. He loves music, musics. All. “We tried to find a label, to compare myself, nothing helped,” laughs the singer from Antwerp. Whether he has a guitar or an oud in his hands, the artist remains the same, he sings, clearly, with passion, composed, thoughtful and with a unique natural grace. Admittedly, music is a family affair for the grandson of Muharram Fouad, a famous Egyptian singer, but regardless of his origins, the universalist aims of the songwriter are clear, he speaks to everyone. With elegance.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Your new album Sahar, presents a very thoughtful, very natural production and, although remaining in the spirit of the previous one, already brings a kind of renewal...

It's quite different in my opinion. And if, on the music side, we stay in the same atmospheres, I have evolved a lot in the writing of the texts. And above all, for the first time, I really focused on the vocal assonances, that each word could generate its own melody, its own sound transforming into an instrument, while trying not to lose the meaning of the original text. It's a very long job, but it's really exciting. The goal was not fluidity, just music.

Your texts have matured...

They are very well elaborated because, with the pandemic, I had time ahead of me to achieve the result I expected. These new songs are more thought out, more thoughtful than on my previous work. And, as you mention it, I feel like I made my first album a hundred years ago, it's so far away, and it has the same effect on me every time I listen to it. But it allowed to launch avenues of reflection, I am no longer the same, I improved my working techniques and I think that we feel the consequence directly in this disc.

You live in Antwerp, Belgium…

And that's why I sing in English! (Laughs) My French is really not very good… I grew up in Belgium, and I have Egyptian and Lebanese origins, which also explains the presence of oriental sounds, like my oud, in my music. I grew up listening to Arabic as well as classical music and, of course, rock and pop; and I always stay connected to these musics. You know, I love Leonard Cohen, who is one of my main influences, but there are so many others, especially from across the Mediterranean. Even if I have a certain attachment to artists, it is more their music that fascinates me before their personality. Well, Cohen aside! I devoured his biography, written by Sylvie Simmons, a real literary treat, and probably, in my eyes, the best book ever written about him. Clearly, the work comes first.

We've seen you play in groups as well as solo, in Paris, Belgium or Quebec… Do you have a preference?

Ah, it's not at all the same exercise, the repertoire varies, but I readjust. There, in a few days, I'm going on a tour of the United States, before returning to Paris. I leave with my guitar and my oud and I tour solo in small venues. Then, of course, it will be with the group for the next dates at the Trianon. But, overall, I don't really change my style; and I am comfortable whatever the formula. Still, in small venues, you see people's faces and sometimes that intimidates me, whereas in large venues, it's more anonymous!

“Even if I have a certain attachment to artists, it is more their music that fascinates me before their personality. Well, Cohen aside!”

Have you given yourself a career plan?

We have dreams, goals, but also the reality of facts: the creative power over which we have no control. I don't have any crazy career dreams actually. Just doing what I love, but I never say to myself “I want to do that” and therefore produce a certain type of album. I don't work with a slew of producers looking to plan my career, so I just go with it. There, today, with this new album I have reached a certain point and let's see where all this will take me!

#tamino #tamino amir #rolling stone #article #interview #french #2022 #without photoshoot #english translated text #thank you to cinemalamet on twitter for helping me proofread the translation <3 #screenshot from vk

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forhisglry · 1 year

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My positive birth story

I write my own birth story on International Day of the Midwife, to highlight the incredible value of good midwifery support and continuity of care and how the environment that we birth in has a huge impact on our birth experience. And to reaffirm what all the research says, that birthing at home with midwifery care is safe and empowering and should be available as an option for more women. As a disclaimer, I know that birthing at home is not what all women want and may not be right for some women. I also know that many women come out of their birthing experience traumatised rather than empowered. My hope for the future of midwifery and birth is that every woman would have access to supportive woman-centred midwifery care to birth in an empowering way that is right for them in the space that is right for them- whether that is at home, in a birth centre or at the hospital. Own your birth, your body is powerful and so capable. It was created to do this.

For me, choosing a homebirth was essential. As a midwife, I know the benefits of uninterrupted labour, and wanted to be in a space where this was honoured and I could birth on my terms. I also knew the challenge I would have with switching my midwife brain off in labour and stepping into the primal brain required to labour well. Being at home meant I was away from my workplace and other people’s birth stories, and was safely in my own space to write my own story. Thankfully, Darwin has a publicly funded homebirth program that I fit the low-risk criteria for, so I was quick to book into this early in my pregnancy.

Choosing a homebirth was also a step of faith for me. For a long time, I’ve had a fear that I’d never be able to birth my babies vaginally. A midwife once said to me when I was 19 that my ‘pelvis was too small to birth’, and it’s haunted me ever since. (A reminder that the words you speak over people, even off-hand comments, have power). Birthing Reuben at home, all 4230 grams of him, was a real step of faith in trusting God over my fears. And in that, He reminded me in a very real way that through him all things are possible, and that not only can I birth my babies, I can birth chunky big ones. It broke my fears of untruths spoken to me long ago. I write this birth story to give God the glory.

During my pregnancy, my husband Jonno and I spent 3 months on the road travelling. It was an amazing bonding time together and we grew a lot in our relationship. While on the road, I saw a midwife in Yackandandah, Victoria, several times over the course of our travels. In our short time together, her midwifery approach and philosophy resonated deeply with me, and I felt valued and listened to. I loved getting some continuity of care even as we travelled.

We arrived back in Darwin at 35 weeks pregnant. In the weeks leading up to birth, Jonno and I did a hypnobirthing course and I read through Rhea Dempsey’s books ‘Birth with confidence’ and ‘Beyond the birth plan.’ These both really helped in my mental and emotional preparation for birth. I spent time every day working through thoughts and fears of birth, and taking my birth to God in prayer and letting go of control. The wait is hard and takes a surrendering of your own will. It’s a strange time of anticipation and stillness. I loved and hated it. I desperately wanted my baby to come, but valued those precious moments with just me and Jonno. Five days after my due date, I started to have some mild crampy niggles but nothing particularly painful or regular at all. It was a Sunday, and Jonno and I spent the day together pottering around and went for a long beach walk in the evening, watching a beautiful sunset. That night I woke up at 4am with surges coming every 10 minutes, not too painful but enough to stop me from sleep. I got up so I didn’t wake up Jonno with my tossing and turning and sat on my exercise ball in the living room with a heat pack on my tummy.

He woke up to get ready for work a couple of hours later. With irregular contractions only once every 10 minutes, I told him to still go to work, thinking it might carry on like this for some time, and wanted to maximise the time that he’d have off work after the baby arrived. Before he left for work I got him to put the TENS machine on my back. It was absolute magic. I kept it on all day.

As the morning progressed, the surges began to get a little closer together but were still irregular and I was coping fine. I spent the day trying to distract myself. I played some cards, danced around the living room, rested a little and practiced some good positioning.

By 3 in the afternoon I was struggling to motivate myself and stay distracted. Jonno had been calling me up every couple of hours from work to check on me, but my surges were still only every 5 minutes or so and pretty manageable so I didn’t think he needed to come home early, but I was keen on some company and motivation. At this point I called Jenelle, an amazing midwife and friend who has previously been a part of the homebirth team, and had agreed to be a part of my birth support team. She was just what I needed in that moment. She entered my birth space and helped me to draw in my focus, where I was having a ‘crisis of confidence’ moment. I broke out in tears when she got there, and told her I didn’t think I could do it. She looked me straight in the eye and said ‘well, you don’t like the alternative do you!’, which really helped to kick my head into gear.

Up until this point I had been experiencing all of my surge pain in my pubic bone, so Jenelle felt my baby’s position and we realised he was posterior with a deflexed head. We got hard to work right away with various positions and massage to try and realign bub and release tension from my pelvis. As we moved around, we chatted about all things from magic mushrooms and the golden valley tree park in Balingup, to candles, to my mum and my relationship with Jonno. It was excellent distraction and really helped me to relax. At one point I felt an unusual popping sensation, like my baby just swung into place, and then things were on pretty big from there. This happened right before jonno got home at 5.30pm, and then it was suddenly all systems go.

My lovely housemates set up my birthing space with the birth pool in the living room, while Jonno supported me for a while in the shower, and at some point my support team called my homebirth midwife to attend. The intensity of labour ramped up and there were so many moments where it felt unbearable. Labour truly does take you to the end of yourself, and it was my incredible support circle that really kept me grounded throughout the whole journey. I never once felt like they didn’t think I could do it and never once felt afraid. When I looked around the room I felt believed in and surrounded by love. One of the affirmations I had written on the wall was the Bible verse ‘There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear’, and it was so true in that space. I really felt carried by God throughout the whole journey. What surprised me was how much I needed interaction in labour. In most situations in life when I’m struggling, I tend to internalise and go quiet, but I found that in labour, talking to my team and giving myself little pep talks really helped me to keep going. It never felt like there were surplus people in the room, every person in my circle had an important role. Poor Jonno was well outnumbered by midwives! Besides Jenelle, my housemate Jos was there as another support person, and I had the 2 wonderful homebirth midwives.

Some time after 8pm, I felt like I had exhausted all other coping options, and that I wouldn’t be able to do this much longer. I got into the birth pool and it felt like the most blissful thing in the world. I floated around the water like a mermaid, my body giving me some much needed longer breaks between surges and I rode the endorphins through each rest. As the surges continued, I instinctively moved my body around the pool to make space for my baby. It felt so good to move in a weightless and unrestricted way.

Some time after 9 o’clock, I started feeling that involuntary urge to push and after fighting it for a while, Jenelle reminded me to go into it, not to resist it. So I went with the feeling and it felt good to do something, but I didn’t feel like I was really getting anywhere fast. My midwife suggested that I spend some time sitting on the toilet- aka dilation station. I did this and really felt his head move lower. I got back in the water around 11pm and jonno got in the water behind me, which really grounded me as I continued to push. My support team held up a mirror through my surges, and seeing his head slowly emerge really spurred me on to keep going. His head birthed slowly and smoothly, giving my body a chance to stretch and move as it needed to. He was calm the whole way through and his heart rate was steady. I birthed my baby in the water at 3 past midnight to the sweet joyful sounds of Celtic music (that we had playing in the background throughout labour). His head was born on the 17th and his body on the 18th! It was the most surreal moment. My boy was quiet and calm and he stared at me and Jonno as we sat in the pool. After birth we got out of the pool and waited for the placenta to come naturally, leaving my boy attached to his umbilical cord until well after the placenta had birthed. We had a few hours together at home, breastfed and introduced our dog Tobin to his baby brother, then I had to get transferred to hospital for repair of a tear from birth. We weren’t in hospital long, and came back home and settled in later that morning, riding high on the blissful oxytocin. What a wild and beautiful ride.

Birth looks different for everyone. And what is right for me is not necessarily right for other women. We can’t control a lot of the circumstances we get dealt around our birth. But there are ways we can be empowered and set ourselves up for success no matter what kind of birth we have. My birth of Reuben wasn’t textbook. But what an incredibly empowering and exhilarating experience and witness to God who makes all things possible. I wouldn’t change a thing.

As with most labours, it was intense and filled with moments where I lost confidence or couldn’t bear it any longer, but I was surrounded by 4 incredible midwives and my husband who had complete confidence in me and the capacity of my body to birth this baby. And that helped me carry on. They gave me space and time for my body to move and open in the way it needed to to let my baby through and they trusted that process, not trying to control it. I was at home, where I was safe, where I did not feel observed or put on a time-line or made to conform with the way we’re taught labour is meant to go. My contractions were not a regular pattern- they blended from long to short and spaced out to allow my son to move the way he needed to move. I was not ‘assessed’ on progress, and slowly pushed his whopper head and body out gently and slowly in the way it needed to be; I was not rushed. There were minutes between his head and body, but he was calm and his heartbeat was normal, because the process was undisturbed. He needed time for his big body to navigate through. I was listened to and felt safe to speak out my fears of birth, knowing that my support circle had my back to speak truth and courage and power back over me again. It wasn’t perfect, I felt my tailbone pop during labour, which is still giving me some grief when I sit, and I had a decent tear, but it was my body powerfully shifting and making space in the way it needed to for my baby to be born. It wasn’t perfect, but I loved it. And I would do it again in a heartbeat. What I am so thankful for, is that knowing what I know as a midwife, my labour and birth in another setting could have had a very different outcome. If I had been assessed on progress and been monitored as to the expected pathway of labour, I would have likely ended up with an oxytocin infusion, probably a forceps delivery with a shoulder dystocia and an episiotomy, all of which would have been deemed necessary, but weren’t really. But instead, I was privileged to be in a space where I was trusted and supported, where I could move how I needed to move, where my body was afforded the opportunity to birth in its own way: a privilege I wish more women had. It’s not to say that those interventions aren’t necessary in some cases, but how many more women would birth their babies without them if we watched and waited more and held space for women.

I’ve been a midwife for years but experiencing birth for myself has given me a whole new appreciation for the incredible role, support and wisdom of midwifery care and gently and confidently holding the space for birth.

I’m so grateful for Gods hand in my birth. I’ve learnt more of what it is to trust his perfect design and wait patiently on him. He is good.

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