#literally grew up eating those pies

[beautifulreflections]

Blog Post 1: "Hurty" Thirty

“Hurty” Thirty

“Hurty” thirty my husband calls the thirtieth year of life. He likes to use the analogy that people are like cars, always deteriorating. In my most Christian voice I said, “I rebuke that lie in the name of Jesus.” Sure, we were getting older, but I didn’t have to claim ailments just because of that. In fact, I refused to claim ailments and sicknesses just because of the increase in years. ‘I claim health and wellness’ I thought to myself.

I used to run cross country. I was terrible at track and way too slow to be a help to my long-legged teammates, but I found out that I did have endurance. I still remember attempting to race in the four by four. The baton was handed to me and I was off, only to literally stop right before the finish line because sprinting was not my thing. There were students in the stands who pointed and laughed. It was an awful day, but I did learn that I was a long-distance runner equipped for slow and steady progress.

So, I found my place with the other long-distance runners on the cross-country team. I never won a race, but I always finished. That had to count for something right? It did for me. As I grew and matured over the years, I learned the value of endurance. Pressing forward amid struggle was a gift, and it was cultivated in cross-country racing. “The mind is the athlete” my coach would always say. So, I am challenging myself, mind, body, and Spirit at the start of this new year to kick some old hurt bearing habits.

During Thanksgiving and all the way past Christmas I overindulged. I had cakes, cookies, pies, Christmas candy, and tons of hot chocolate. Yes, I’m an adult and I love hot chocolate. I honestly even love to put the little marshmallows on top with some whipped cream for good measure. I act like I make hot chocolate for my two kids, but it’s mostly for me. I enjoy our Dunkin Donuts dates just as much as they do. After all, who can say no to a sugar laden drink and donut that keeps you going until your next fix? Not me!

Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. You know. Do you also keep your Christmas candy in your room, so no one eats it? I do. And sharing the Christmas candy, well, is it so hard to give up those Haribo gummy bears and Godiva chocolates. I know it is. Because sugar is addictive. Between all the candy, creamers, cupcakes, and Christmas treats that are on sale now, it’s so hard to say no. Right? Exactly! And as I write this to you, I currently have a sugar headache because it’s been seven days of no sweet and addictive treats.

That’s right. You heard me. As I type this out, I am longingly staring at the Santa Claus Christmas bag which houses my beloved cookies, candies, and Hu chocolate bars. As it turns out, just because it’s vegan chocolate doesn’t mean it’s healthy for you. I know. When I found this out, I was so disappointed too. But here’s the truth, studies show that when we eat sugar it releases dopamine in our bodies, which just keeps us coming back to it for the next high. According to Healthy Simple Life, sugar can even be more addictive than cocaine. That’s sobering for sure.

Now that we are on the same page, I want to tell you why I’m what I’m doing. I was complaining to my husband about two weeks ago. “Ugh. These pants are too tight.” And He simply said, “Get new ones.” I considered it for way longer than I should have then said, “I don’t need to get new pants. I need to lose weight.” Friends, I’ve been the same size since I graduated from high school. I say that with overwhelming gratitude, but I also realize that if I keep up these unhealthy habits then I will not remain this size much longer.

My husband ruined me. (It’s easier to blame him that to actually take responsibility.) Before we got married salad was my favorite food and I chose it above almost every other food. Then I got married, and now I love sweets. My husband does too. So, we both have gotten into this unhealthy routine of living life for today, and that includes copious amounts of sugar. Of course, we wouldn’t want to admit that to anyone, but today I’m being brave and telling you.

After New Year's Eve, I decided that I had to give it a rest. All the sugar was hurting my body, making me dependent, exasperating my acid reflux, and making me feel stiff at music class when I was dancing with the children I teach. Forty days of no sweet treats or delicious donuts sounds daunting, especially when your family isn’t fasting from sugar too.

So, I am doing these forty days without sugar to purify my temple, this body that God has given me. Beauty starts within and I want my body to be a healthy place so that I can radiate without hindrance. After these first forty days, I will be implementing healthier eating habits, introducing less processed sugars (stevia, monk fruit), experimenting with wholesome cooking, and abstaining from sugar (all sugars) one day a week.

Join me in the highs and lows of this new journey I’m on. And, if you feel so led, drop the sugar with me and cultivate your inner beauty so that others will see and join us in making health and wellness a lifestyle. Let’s choose to be truly beautiful inside and out.

References:

Anna Schaefer. Experts Agree: Sugar Might Be as Addictive as Cocaine. Heathline, https://www.healthline.com/health/food-nutrition/experts-is-sugar-addictive-drug.

[salaciousslut]

Ive never had espolon! Maybe i should try it with you sometime 🤭 same as long as im drunk then im happy☺️ and thats more than okay princess<3 i wouldnt mind if you took you clothes off for me, i know you could use a few marks all over your pretty tits<3

I hate to say the masochism falls in line with the cnc for me because if you fight back and hurt me I'll just like it<3 And fuck the dudebros, (literally if you'd like hehe🤭) they dont really matter anyway, theyre also focused on themselves, if they dont want to be around you i swear they'll just move, esp if you have me around sweet thing<3 our preferred exercising methods are very different but i'd be more than willing to take your lead and protect you wherever you go princess<3 and i havent done yoga in a while!! Its been years 🫣 but i'd follow you anywhere<3

You absolutely deserve to be loved and cherished sweetheart, youre literally so precious<33 i wanna put you in a cute collar so bad princess<3 but also i get it, being a kitten has such a cute appeal to it, but being a puppy is cuter, it also shows how good you are at following orders as long as someone treats you right<3

Tbh🫣 i dont like ceviche with fully cooked shrimp the texture is off, but its ok!! I sill get to eat all sorts of yummy seafood! My family's from coastal regions so i grew up with lots of fish and a ton of shrimp, and at least fully cooked shrimp is good in other stuff!

No i get that! I hope no one's been weird about race in your dms lately, race fetishists are weird as fuck.

Wait you really think we'd look good together, princess? 🥺

You are too cute<3333 chips and salsa are good! Whats your favorite kind of chips? I wanna know 🥺 Also wtf i love wings, im partial to mango habanero at most places! But i love spicy food a lot. And im also one of those weirdos that doesnt mind pineapple on pizza 🤭

I understand princess, its much more fun if someone else does it for you<3 i wish i was able to add to your orgasm log by eating you out sweetheart<33 I really love eating pussy if im being honest<3333

hehe yes!! i just got a mew bottle so ill open it with you!! plus u can feed me shots!! maybe make me a heavy handed drink. u really like my tits huh?? hehe if i were in my dms i would send u pics all the time (this is me gently convincing u to come off anon hehehe)

hottttttt i like struggling a lil because its more fun that way but knowing that youll like it too is really hot!!!

and we will take turns working out! bc lets be real, if ur lifting, i dont think i could pay attention to anything else!! nor do i really want to!! so we take turns <3

i get that! but yay for shrimp!! im also coastal so fresh shrimp and fish are my bread and butter!! yummy hehe

duh i think we would look good together babe!!! i mean look at us??? hot as fuck

i love anything that hot limon flavored!! thats always my go to but cool ranch doritos or sour cream and onion chips are yummy too!! or anything with dip, im a big sauce girl so dips and sauces are my jam. mango habanero is so yummy!! you have excellent taste 😇 see for me, i totally understand the flavor profile of pineapple on pizza, but i have a big aversion to warm fruit. i hate the texture and flavor of warm fruit so much. like fruit pies and cobblers and stuff? i eat it cold because the fruit taste more like fruit to me that way. idk its a lil weird but warm fruit gives me the heebie jeebies

hehehehehe eat me out then!!! im very vocal when im with someone its kinda embarrassing but i know people like that 🫣

[yhwhrulz777]

Worthy Brief - November 9, 2022

Experience it!

Genesis 22:1 Now it came to pass after these things that God tested (Hebrew word len-a-sot, to try) Abraham, and said to him, "Abraham!" And he said, "Here I am."

John 6:5-6 Then Jesus lifted up [His] eyes, and seeing a great multitude coming toward Him, He said to Philip, "Where shall we buy bread, that these may eat?" But this He said to test (Hebrew word, lenasot, to try) him, for He Himself knew what He would do.

James 1:2-4 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials (nisayon (noun form of lenasot)), knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have [its] perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

The testing of Abraham's faith was repeated by YHVH throughout the patriarch's entire life. The tests grew greater as his life advanced, and through everyone, whether Abraham passed or not, YHVH proved Himself to be his friend over and over again. Every test or "trial" involved a serious challenge or threat in which Abraham had to trust that the LORD knew what He was doing, asking, or requiring, and that His goodness and faithfulness were unquestionably reliable.

This type of testing or trying of faith is displayed throughout the Scriptures. In an entirely different setting, Yeshua (Jesus) asked His disciple Philip a question, "Where shall we buy bread, that these may eat?" The purpose of the question was simply to try Philip's faith. The Hebrew, "lenasot" "to try, or test", in the Greek is "pi-ras-mos", which carries an interesting connotation: "proving by experiment".

James, the Lord's brother, speaks of the "testing of our faith", as well. Though we often think of this testing in negative terms, James exhorts us to "count it all joy", never mind that it's virtually certain there will be little pleasure in the experience of any trial. The fact is that trials function as experiments, and experiences, which serve to prove and improve our faith. In the Hebrew New Testament (Brit Chadasha) the word for "trial" is "ni-sa-yon", which also happens to be the word for "experience" and "experiment".

So the trials we experience are literally, experiments upon our faith. And while it is clear that God Himself does not tempt us, we also know that He allows our faith to be proven by experience, and experimentally verified. Faith is not based on experience; it is based on revelation from God. But it's genuineness is tested by experience. And it ought to be growing through every trial, producing a deeper comprehension of God's faithfulness.

Your faith is being proved to be genuine through testing and trial; experimentally and experientially, just as was the faith of Abraham, Philip, and every true saint of the Lord. For while faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen -- it will be proven in, by, and through the very hard experiences and realities of your life. This is not accidental but very much in the plans and purposes of the Lord.Daniel 2:21-22 And He changes the times and the seasons; He removes kings and raises up kings; He gives wisdom to the wise And knowledge to those who have understanding. He reveals deep and secret things; He knows what is in the darkness, And light dwells with Him.

Your family in the Lord with much agape love,

George, Baht Rivka, Obadiah and Elianna (Going to Christian College in Dallas, Texas) Driving up I-95 for a conference in Washington D.C. this weekend

Join us on an epic, life changing journey through Israel, - https://worthynews.us12.list-manage.com/track/click?u=b94ae97bb66e693a4850359ec&id=9f7834bca6&e=3b24d74332 through the eyes of those who are well acquainted with the culture, the people and the Land. This is not your average Israel tour— bring your family, bring your friends, and experience the REAL ISRAEL with George and Baht Rivka as your personal hosts.

We are planning our Winter Tour across the United States so if you would like us to minister at your congregation, home fellowship, or Israel focused event, be sure to let us know ASAP. You can send an email to george [ @ ] worthyministries.com for more information.

Check out our unique Worthy App, which allows you to follow our news instantaneously and directly access over 50 news sources with 24/7 coverage. Download from Apple App Store (for Iphones) https://apps.apple.com/us/app/worthy-news/id1618795144 or download our Android version. https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.worthynews.app162730

[bakidose]

hi baki!! if your requests are open, may i ask for angel devil relationship headcanons?? thank you <33

— CSM ## ANGEL HC

warnings: mentions of sex toys + quick mention of pegging + cunillingus + blowjob + mentions of death /dying + very slight angst + angel being a brat

pairing: chainsaw man's angel devil + fem! bodied reader

a/n: phew first work ive posted on here thank u sm for requesting <33 tbh i was panicking on how tf id even go about this and ended up writing wayyy too much 😭 anyways- i had fun writing and he deserves more content fr also i didn't rlly know if u wanted it to be sfw or nsfw so..i did both lol enjoy

SFw —

baby you are my- ANGELLLL

you guys have ice cream dates often since its his favorite !! he does expect you to pay for his share of the ice cream though LMAO but really he enjoys all dates you two have that involves food. he eats anything and everything

except bugs, he won't even come close to that shit "you're telling me you're cool with eating a zombie...but not a beetle?" "yeah </3"

also holding hands?? yeah happens a lot after he started wearing gloves so no direct contact would ensue. holding hands while walking, hands intertwined while watching a shitty tv show on the sofa together, holding hands while doing literally anything. "why are your hands so cold?" clasps your hands with both of his, says you have him "put in too much effort for you"

"sir..." yeah, he's almost always the one instigating hand holding 😌

you and him also cuddle often, very careful with the way he touches you, making sure his body is against fabric and not skin. he's already content enough with the warmth your body gives him

you love to play with his hair, braiding it, up in a bun, anything really. and he especially loves when you run your hands through the strands of his long hair. it helps take his mind off things. definitely will reciprocate if you let him

another thing, he doesn't even try to come up with an excuse when he doesn't wanna do something labor inducing. will just straight up tell you he doesn't want to 😭 so you end up doing it yourself 😃

despite how lazy he can be and how hed rather drop dead than be doing too much, oddly enough he really enjoys baking. says its "not nearly comparable to working at a job" angel baby...chefs and culinary artists exist 😭

it started when you asked him to come over and bake something with you. he enjoyed the time spent together and how good the cookies you both made were hebarelyhelpedyoubye

loves red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting a LOT also, cherry pies. really loves those mfs

just has a really big sweet tooth omg

likes spending time with you overall. never knows when he'll be gone or vice versa, given the fact that he's a devilangelman

you two don't kiss very often either but you still do it because kisses make heart go brrr even though he scolds you not to. 1 week off of your life for a simple quick liplock? you'll take it baby :3 he lowkey loves the feeling of your plush lips on his though so,, he doesn't fight on it as much as he should

wishes he could decide how much of someone's lifespan he can take but unfortunately can't. if he could, he wouldn't take any at all from you

just wants to be happy and stay with you as long as possible :(( he'd never admit it but, you're what's keeping him going

which is why he doesnt understand why you're not more careful around him

"are you trying to die quicker?"

"im not. but i care a lot more about you. and if that means my days shorten just so we can spend more time together, so be it"

calls you a moron. says you humans need to care more about the time you have left on earth since there's not much. pretty ironic considering he's immortal but wishes to leave this place as soon as possible

he does find it touching that you cared that much about him; enough to sacrifice something as important as your life. wouldnt admit it but his feelings grew for you more that day along with the already very present need to protect you

you and him both know how much hes in desperate need of physical affection and you're more than willing to give it to him

the love you two shared was almost poetic <3

despite the obstacles you two have to overcome to make your relationship work overall, pretty and caring boyfriend. would 9/10 recommend

nsfw below the cut !

NSFw —

let's starts this off by saying, phew you're in for a rollercoaster to heaven and hell babe 😭

you begged to suck his dick bye

he just looked at you with the most deadpan expression in his eyes like "no.. im not gonna risk taking some of your life away just for that" and you were like "no baby it'll be worth it trust me pls"

he really doesn't want you to die basically

cause of death : dick

you are the definition of down bad, you are down bad as fuck

you ended up teasing him so much that day with lewd little whispers in his ear, "accidentally" grazing your hand over his clothed enclosed cock

"you don't know what you're asking for"

and yeah </3 you really didn't cause the moment you two were alone, away from any prying eyes, he shoved you down on your knees, head being forcefully pushed to come face to face with the obvious tent in his slacks

"such a needy little cockwhore" "is this what you wanted so badly huh?"

his head spins seeing you barely able to give back a reply, throat too preoccupied, busy being abused as you garbled out an incoherent 'yes' from those spit smeared, swollen lips. tears welled up in your eyes but fuck, it felt too good. hes taking control while you do it, hands gripping your hair; careful not to touch too much. you're being such a good girl for him. he's already taken a month off of you just by your mouth on him

speaking of which, since that's one of the biggest problems, he loooves using toys on you or watching you use them on yourself

watching you writher and moan, a blissed, fucked out look on your face. please he loves it, it turns him on so much

mutual masturbation is also a staple in the bedroom since you don't have to worry about touching each other and he doesn't have to worry about shortening your lifespan </3

but when he does feel like taking the risk mostly due to your happy-go-lucky ass 🙄

loves to finger fuck you. especially eating you out phew its like an ice cream sundae on a hot summers day to him. tongue lapping up and circling your little bundle of nerves lazily, mewls occasionally slipping from his pretty pink lips

overall, very uninterested-like, doesn't wanna put too much effort cause...no lol

angel : "i respect it, but it ain't me"

you really gotta rile him the fuck up if you want him to put more effort in and just go wild with no inhibitions, discarding the fact that he's removing some of your lifespan. that last part is really the only thing stopping him 95% of the time

now, even though i said he's uninterested in everything he does. even in the bedroom. don't fool yourself into thinking that he won't make you cum 3 times in a row cause he felt ' bored' that day even though you're begging him to spare you mercy, that its "too much" and he's like mmm "i don't feel like it" literally does not give two shits. you cant take it? hm too bad, cause he decides whether he's done or not

he's not really a horny person to begin with honestly. sex drive is really low since he doesn't need it but your sexy self changed him 😫

definitely a switch. no, i don't take constrictive criticism </3

also goodluck tryna get him to be an obedient submissive. he won't let you 😁

but,,, he still somehow takes control either way LMAO

he's both a brat and a brat tamer 💀

you'd realllly have to beg and whine for it, eventually caves in cause you're being annoying as fuck and doesn't wanna spend the energy bickering 'no' and 'yes' back and forth

he is soooo mf sensitive help swirl your tongue on the tip a little bit, follow the vein from the base stopping just right under the head- he's out. gone even. he just visited heavens gate right then and there

also, his moans bro? fucking angels are singing, a whole choir. you swear it sounds angelic as hell. probably because he is one 😟 but i digress. sound's breathy, panting almost. a little shaky too. soft groans mixed with low moans. timid and shy like he doesn't wanna let it out too much. a kept secret just between you and him

his face flushed, squirming and chest heaving, choked out pleas begging for release. he'd cuss you out and you'd coo something along the lines of :

"aww baby, if you stay still and be a good boy for me, maybe ill let you have it"

would eventually crack and give in cause holy shit he's about to cry

and does end up crying once you finish him off, overstimming him

"s'too much" he says. "ill say when its too much" yeah, you'd totally give him the same treatment he gave you 😇

honestly him subbing could go both ways. he gets pissed that you bossed him around to the point where he was begging for it and he ends up dicking you down cause fuck it what's 7 more months less of your lifespan when y'all are having the time of your lives in this very moment

or he ends up being exhausted as hell and goes out like a light immediately afterwards

couldn't deny afterwards how much he enjoyed being a subby bitch for you though </3

pegging? yeah, he was down for it after that. but that's for a different time 😚

overall, you and angels sex life is quite literally teetering on the edge of death

lifespan lost : 4 years

published : 6/4/21

[river-bottom-nightmare]

the batfam + food

because i don’t have the time or the energy to actually write, but i do have the inspiration, so here we go

damian: can cook pretty well but only if it’s in a recipe. if you set him loose in a kitchen he’ll be lost, but give him instructions and he’ll make a meal that’s pretty decent. he’s got some old recipes that martha wrote that he likes making with alfred there to guide him. he also has a couple of recipes that talia gave him, ones that the cook in the loa base where he grew up made. “of course i can make cahā tf you talking about” and then is horrified to discover he actually can’t because the cook always made it and he never bothered to learn but now he can’t drink cahā the way he likes and it’s a tragedy.

tim: “come on guys please frozen hot pockets with marshmallow fluff, gummy bears, and hot sauce on top is good just try it!” he puts skittles in pancake batter and he puts cool whip in canned chicken noodle soup and he eats pineapple pizza only when there’s tartar sauce on it. the rest of the family are completely sure his sense of taste is destroyed beyond saving. the funny thing is, he grew up eating nice and proper foods his nanny would make him when his parents were away, and those simple meals were what he learned to cook too. he also ate those bland, tasteless little meals at whatever function or party he was dragged to. he used to be very upper class white american. but now, his palette is possibly the most disgusting thing to ever exist and that is entirely because of one Bart Allen.

cass: slices open a guava, sprinkles some salt and paprika on top, then monchity cronches. she likes fresh fruits and veggies, partly because there’s no preparation required, partly because fresh and organic foods weren’t a luxury she was afforded and she loves it now. she prefers snacking in little periods all throughout the day rather than having three big meals. and by “snacking” i mean celery with ranch, or popping grapes in her mouth, or sometimes even goat cheese. so it’s either farm fresh produce or the greasiest, most disgusting fast food meal to ever exist, there’s no in between.

jason: brings tears of joy and pride to alfred’s eyes. he just knows his way around a kitchen. his spinach-ricotta-chicken lasagna is a thing of beauty. his muffins will make bruce behave like an actual dad for an afternoon. he knows how to make do with the ingredients he has, and create something incredible out of them. cooking with alfred had been the thing that really convinced him he was a part of the family back when he was robin, and it’s the thing that brings him back when he’s red hood. its,,,,,relaxing in a sense. he’s not real good at art like damian or photography like tim. he’s honestly a little uncomfortable in his body and not at all graceful like cass, doesn’t know how to even begin turning movement and dance into a work of art like dick. but it feels nice to create something rather than destroy. so, cooking it is.

dick: health nut. no. shut up. he’s an aerialist and an acrobat, he knows damn well how important it is to monitor what goes in your body. also, he grew up in a traveling circus. get your lucky charms and cereal addiction out of here. no way in hell. dick thinks homemade poke bowls with chicken and brown rice are a good lunch. (actually that really does sound like a good lunch and i’m hungry rn). avocados all. the. time. because he tried them that one time the circ toured ecuador and never grew out of them. he made sure to learn simple but good recipes, and uses them often, like marinating some shrimp in mediterranean spices for half an hour and frying them on a cast-iron skillet, and eating them with rice. or smoothies with whatever fruit’s in season, greek yogurt, and oats. i am literally describing my diet oh my god.

bruce: a disgrace. a Fool. you can drop him in the middle of nowhere and he’ll be able to survive by eating the bare essentials, but dear god if he didn’t have alfred it would’ve been takeout every day and every night for the rest of his life. he can’t even follow instructions on a ramen noodle cup. he can’t cook because he never had to, he never had to learn, and he doesn’t really plan on learning anytime in the near future. 

alfred: he is god. he is the god of the kitchen. he knows so many recipes, and if he doesn’t, it takes him one try to learn. he is the deity except when it comes to pies. i mean, his pies would win baking contests under normal conditions. but pies are the one thing that martha kent can make better than him, and it infuriates alfred to no end.

this actually got long so i’m tagging the babes: @woahjaybird @birdy-bat-writes @anothertimdrakestan @subtleappreciation @screennamealreadyused @pricetagofficial @catxsnow @dangerduckjpeg @bikoncon @maplumebleue-blog-blog

[giorno-plays-piano]

Vicious

Part IX

Pairing: Steve x reader, Bucky x reader, Thor x reader, Loki x reader, Peter x reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, stalking, possessiveness, theft, all characters are adults.

Words: 1574.

Summary: Transferring to Stark Academy that has only allowed to take in female students last semester, you realize you are just one of three young women among hundreds of students. Your things are constantly being stolen, and soon you begin fearing for your safety.

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V |  Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII

________

You didn't know what else to say, feeling ashamed. Who cared about your family circumstances? Definitely not Steve Rogers, a man you met just a couple of weeks ago and who knew nothing about you. Why did you say something like that in the first place?

You didn't wanna look at his face and see him feeling guilty because he didn't know how to comfort you. You didn't need to be comforted. You didn't need anything at all. It was just a simple cold, right?

Despite that, you suddenly started talking from beneath your blankets, "I have a younger brother. When he was born, we found out he was having severe asthma. His childhood was terrible, he had constantly been sick, I remember him being in and out the hospital all the time. Of course, because of his condition, my parents spent most of the time with him. He was just a little sick kid."

You hated yourself for talking, for showing something to Steve he shouldn't have known because he wasn't your friend, but you couldn't force yourself to stop.

"On the other hand, I am lucky to have good health. I didn't really got very sick, so, well, I didn't need help like my brother. So, I'm used to taking of myself. I'm a big girl, I don't need my mom to dance around me just because I have a cold."

Of course, you didn’t. You were perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, and even of Steve didn't show up, you'd be alright by yourself. You'd just take your acetaminophen, and then everything would be ok.

You kept silent, staring at the inside of the blanket and wishing Steve would just disappear, leaving you to your misery. You didn’t see his face, and you were glad you didn't. What he must think about you? That you were craving for his attention like a spoiled kid? Shit, it was so embarrassing. You were an adult, for goodness sake!

"I don't know about you, but when I had a flu sachet, it would make me fall asleep really quick. And when I was feeling sleepy, I would start thinking about the things I loved most because I hoped I would see them in a dream." Instead of feeling ever more ashamed, you listened to Steve's soft voice and thought you were lucky it was him being here with you now. "It actually worked, and I have been having my best dreams when I was asleep, sick. What are the things you love most?"

Surprised, you looked up at him and saw the most gentle expression on a face of a guy you had ever met. Why did he look at you like that? Why was there no pity on his face? Why was it making you cry like you were a ten year old kid? Before he could see anything, you hid beneath the blanket again and kept silent for a couple of moments to calm down.

"I love lemon pies my grandma used to make me, and her garden. She had tomatoes and cabbage and strawberries that smelled like summer. I loved watering them nearly every day because I thought I was a little forest witch who lived in her pretty cottage in the woods."

You didn't know why you were telling him this, but Steve has a strange effect on you. Or was it cold? You had no idea, but it didn’t really matter. All you were thinking about was the way fresh tomatoes smell when you'd leaned down to water them, and the sound of bees flying above strawberry's flowers. Your grandma was taking care of her cabbage - a very capricious guest in her garden - and you could hear her working, cursing grandpa for making the patches too wide in that funny voice of hers. Then she'd stood up, wiped the sweat with the back of her hand, and called you to come back to the cottage because if was time for dinner. You'd run to wash your hands in a barrel of water near the big apple tree when grandma didn't see, and soon you were sitting with her, eating her famous cabbage soup and then having a piece of a lemon pie because you worked so well today.

You could almost feel the taste on the tip of your tongue.

By the time you woke up, Steve was long gone: it was the middle of the night, and instead of him you saw a thermos with a still warm chicken soup on a chair, waiting for you. He sent you a message that you could call him at any time of the day - or night - and that he wanted you to have a bit more sleep to get better. After you had a few more sips of his soup, you fell asleep again, feeling warm and fuzzy.

_______

The weekend went fast. It was the first time in several years you spent so much time in bed. Steve kept appearing at your door from time to time with a new bags of food despite you telling him you had your own, but he always insisted you should it something fresh and warm. Surprisingly, he wasn't the only one at your door: Thor suddenly showed up with his whole team, bringing you notes for the upcoming exams they collected altogether, apparently. Loki sent you a message if you needed anything, and Peter left contacted you on Instagram, leaving you links to games you could play so you wouldn't feel bored. Even Bucky gave you a call, asking if he could come and give you a few packs of Neo Citran for your cold, but you kindly refused: Steve literally brought you a yearly supply of this.

It was strange. Of course, when you were in high school, your friends grew worried about you when you had been sick, but there was nothing else to it. Wasn't it always like this? Nobody came to see you. Nobody brought you soup or gave you meds or anything. Despite feeling embarrassed, you realized you actually liked it when somebody was close to you like that. It was comforting seeing Steve popping up and not having to worry about how pretty you looked: he laughed when he saw you getting all shy because you were in your pyjamas. He said he definitely didn't expect you laying on your bed in an evening gown.

Before you realized it, you were already getting better. It was just a cold, really. Soon your throat was no longer sore, and while you were still sneezing, your temperature dropped down to normal, so on Monday you were ready to come back to school as planned. Funny enough, you no longer cared if you passed your exams, having 100%. You didn’t talk about it with Steve, but Peter was laughing like crazy about that when you told him.

Funny. They no longer looked so scary to you. They were just a couple of boys, weren't they? Regardless all those scary rumors and stuff, they were just guys. Maybe they were weird and stupid and a little bit scary because you didn't know them, they were still alright. Thor said it to you, didn't he?

Monday was Bucky's day, so, once you were done dressing, he nocked at your door: you were feeling a bit shy, watching him in that leather jacket and torn jeans he kept wearing the whole year around, apparently. Barnes looked like a teenage girl's dream. He smelled like cigarettes - although he said he was trying to quit - and pinewood. Just like Thor, he liked to skip classes he didn't enjoy much, but he was smart enough to pass the exams. Funny enough, he had a motorcycle.

Again, you wondered how come girls weren't coming from a city on a bus just to go see him.

"Are you sure you’re feeling better?" He asked you softly. "You can stay home today."

"No, no, I'm perfectly alright, thank you! How are you?" Smiling, you closed the door and hid the key in your bag.

"I'm good, thank you."

He didn't speak much, but as you walked in silence, you thought it was comforting - not talking at all and feeling good about it. While Bucky looked like a scary biker, in fact, his calm and friendly demeanor only helped you relax around him. Besides, it was funny how students seemed to give him way whenever they saw him, and you thought if Steve was the King, then Bucky was the Knight.

Before you went into the your classroom, he suddenly stopped you, "Listen, I wanted to say I have your stuff."

You blinked, "What stuff?"

You didn't give him any of your stuff. Actually, after Steve gathered you all in the student council room, you only met Bucky this morning for the first time.

"The stuff those freaks took. Your... your clothes, I mean." He muttered under his breath, and you gaped at him.

Your underwear. He found your bra and panties those guys took from your room.

"Wait... how?" Staring at Bucky who, apparently, was feeling a bit embarrassed talking about it, you thought how on Earth he got those things.

There was only one way he could, right?

"Bucky, was it you who beat those guys?"

It took him a couple of seconds to turn his face to you and then sigh, "Yes, it was me."

_________

Tags: @finleyjayne @alexakeyloveloki  @helenaeisenhower @villanellevi @hurricanerin @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @navegandoaciegas @rosalynshields @brattycherub @sllooney @angrythingstarlight @lookiamtrying @buckysbunny @stargazingfangirl18 @dillybuggg @literate-lamb @cosicas-cuquis @sarge-barnes-sir @buckybarnesplumwhore @jaysayey @megzdoodle @gotnofucks @lux-ravenwolf @ximebebx @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @sourpatchspinster @biiskuitx @stupendouslovegardener @iheartsebandchris @lovelydarkdaydream @soleil-dor @illyrianprincess @vampirestrawberries @goodgodimaweirdperson @frontmanash @freya-heya @yandematic @mariatietacapitu @d3monslust @maybesandohnos @ibeatuptwinks @mangobangi @nectav @whatever-happened-to-the-ducks @teabutnerdy ​ @srrymydood @crazylittlereader2474

[porcupine-girl]

This is long and contains more theater history than you probably want in a meta post but here it is anyhow!

Okay, here is my totally insane out-there theory that I shouldn’t be typing up, I should be editing and posting my lectures for tomorrow but here we are.

The pie scene that’s been released (see here) has a few things going on besides Dean being weirdly okay with Cas gone, more okay than Sam:

In the background we’ve got a truck that says Dabb’s Pies. Could just be a cute shoutout. Could be more.

Dean’s very first lines are “Oh, I don’t have a choice. This is my destiny.” This is the man who literally just spent an entire season freaking the fuck out over his lack of free will. Sure, Dean might make a joke about this, but the writers chose this to be (most likely) the very first thing he says one episode after finally shaking off destiny to get real free will?

Sam acts like Dean is crying and Dean responds as if he is trying to hide the fact that he’s crying when... he’s clearly not? At all? We’ve seen Dean cry so many times and it is not happening here?

(I say it’s probably the first thing Dean says in the episode because a) the scenes they release are almost always very very early in the episode and b) the music sounds like what they play when we come out of the cold open into a goofy Sam & Dean scene.)

Also do not forget that between the promo pics and the actual promo they seem to at some point deal with people who are very plainly dressed up as monsters but may or may not be monsters underneath. The initial photo took me to very meta places to start with, and it’s only gotten worse.

Okay so like, here are my crazy fucking thoughts that probably have nothing to do with what will actually happen:

Sam and Dean, of course, don’t actually have free will. They are still characters in a TV show written by other people. Dabb, in this case.

It’s Dabb’s Pies! Dabb is the one who caused the pie festival, and who is causing Sam and Dean to go there and eat pie!

My initial thought when I saw that photo, as it says, was “Did Brecht direct this episode?” Brecht was a playwright in the first half of the 20th century whose whole thing was breaking down the 4th wall. At the time theater tried to be as realistic as possible - hiding lights with set pieces, all sorts of stuff - in an attempt to make the audience forget they’re watching a play and get full immersion.

Brecht said “but what if we did not that?” and worked to make it explicitly clear to the audience that they are definitely watching a play and not real life. The movement was called “epic theater” or “dialectical theater” and the goal was to make the audience aware of their place as the audience and think critically about the thing they are watching as a play that was written and is being produced with the intention of communicating with them.

Brecht and others used a lot of techniques for this, from writing narrators and other 4th-wall-breaks into the plays to making it obvious that what you’re seeing are set pieces and props and not real things. Having what is obviously a man in a black costume with a skull mask play a monster (possibly a floating skull) would be right up his alley.

@shinychimera had a great comment on that post saying “They could squeeze a bit more meta in if it’s a real crew member playing something like a kuroko stagehand (from kabuki) who’s been pulled into the story…“

Kabuki is another theater tradition that explicitly does not try for anything like realism. You probably know it for its elaborate costumes and makeup, but yes, one part of it is that stagehands regularly come onstage to move things etc, dressed all in black and you’re supposed to pretend they’re invisible.

So anyhow what I’m saying is that what that photo SCREAMS at me is fourth-wall-breaking, meta, theatrical traditions that do those things.

I think the episode starts with what we’ve got here - Sam and Dean are moving on with their lives, probably on a pretty standard MOTW hunt, blissfully unaware that they are still not 100% free.

Somehow, this is going to start breaking down, Truman Show-style. I don’t know exactly how. A crew member wanders into the shot? Whatever.

From there it devolves into something super-meta and SUPER-trippy.

They realize that Cas is only in the Empty because the writers put him there, but somehow the fact that in real life Cas actually has affected the narrative in ways the writers didn’t expect is addressed. Cas loving Dean literally is something the writers never intended to be there but that grew organically because of who he is. Maybe same for Dean loving him back? Or maybe that doesn’t get addressed til later.

So now Dean knows that Cas really is the only real thing in his life and they gotta get him back.

However they get him back is gonna be, again, super trippy. They have to fight monsters like these, that are clearly not their-world-monsters but are people from our world dressed up as monsters.

They probably have to go through either Cas or Dean’s memories or both.

Dabb himself likely appears on-camera to talk to them at some point.

The one barn that that photo looks the most like to me is the one in On the Head of a Pin, which is one place where Cas could’ve died but didn’t (unclear whether it’s where they initially intended for him to die, sources conflict).

So maybe we’ll get a tour of the places where Cas’s love for Dean changed the narrative. Maybe Dabb himself will even explain them to us.

At some point, whether by Dabb himself or not, it will be explicitly mentioned that fans helped shape this, that we saw what was happening in Cas before they did.

IDK how this mindfuck ends but there is definitely kissing and Dean realizing that he’s been pushing down his feelings and denying them to fit a mold that the writers created for him years ago that doesn’t fit anymore.

So, uh, there you go. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[al-pomegranate-seeds]

Warm food and warm hearts

“He wouldn’t say he was anxious. Or, yes, maybe he would say so, but it wasn’t...Bad. It was like when he was a child during Summer’s End, awaiting for father to finish preparing the bonfire so they could eat meat pies and drink hot chocolate with honey (it was one of the only days where he could drink honey besides right before his bedtime), and then mother would dance while holding him in her arms before putting a tiny drunk child to sleep.

Or: Logan's boyfriend invites him to stay the night in his apartment.“

Pairings:Logince, eventual DLAMP.

Urban fanatsy.

Tags: Fluff, First Kiss, a lil bit of angst, trans man!Roman, genderfluid!Logan

Warnings: A whole food discussion.

Characters: Logan Sanders, Roman Sanders, Remus Sanders, Dot(Cartoon Therapy)

Sequel to my fic “The hands they held”(https://al-pomegranate-seeds.tumblr.com/post/635778410466197504/the-hands-they-held-roman-looked-at-the-flower) and second installment in my “Unicia” series.

Archive of our own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27737170

I

Logan let out a sigh as he closed the glass doors of the shop. Today had been especially taxing, it seemed. More customers than normal had showed up, right on the day when he felt his social battery had started lower than normal, and Roman hadn’t been able to come visit, having three long appointments to start.

Logan could feel his cheeks heat up(and see his glittering reflection on the glass) as he thought about that last one. It felt a bit ridiculous that Roman’s mere one day abstention was a factor in his mental exhaustation, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel bad about it. Roman had truly been a blessing, appearing on the shop’s first day of existing in that specific location, initiating a conversation with Logan and quickly establishing something they had in common. And then the friendship, which was more than Logan ever expected, going on for a approximately seven months of them sharing their interests and listening to each other ramble about things they didn’t necessarily understand, all of this during work breaks and in their respective places of work.

And today, Roman had invited him to spend the night in his apartment.

Logan wasn’t foolish, he didn’t expect them to go very far. Hell, three weeks and a half of dating and they hadn’t even kissed yet! But it was a big step, to be allowed into one’s home. And besides, Remus wouldn’t be there, occupied with some sort of date (“it’s a booty call, nerdy Wolverine”), and they wouldn’t be exchanging soft compliments and hand kisses on neutral ground.

He wouldn’t say he was anxious. Or, yes, maybe he would say so, but it wasn’t...Bad. It was like when he was a child during Summer’s End, awaiting for father to finish preparing the bonfire so they could eat meat pies and drink hot chocolate with honey (it was one of the only days where he could drink honey besides right before his bedtime), and then mother would dance while holding him in her arms before putting a tiny drunk child to sleep. She hadn’t been able to hold him anymore after he hit puberty, but they still danced the night away, drunk on honey and alcohol and love.

So maybe a better word to describe how he was feeling would be that he was excited.

“Oh come on kid, leave the cleaning up to me.” Logan heard mother say behind him. He spinned quickly, and she was smiling at him like she knew something he didn’t. She probably did.

“Absolutely not, I cannot allow you to clean everything up alone – “

“Logan.” She said firmly, and Logan shut up. “You’ve been staring at that damn tattoo parlor for eight minutes. Go see your pretty boy, I’m not too old to clean a damn shop.”

Logan felt his face heating up again, the light of his freckles lighting up mother’s face.

“I – ok. I’ll go. But promise not overexert yourself.”

“Fine, fine, I promise, mother hen.” Logan rolled his eyes, before kissing mother on the cheek and grabbing his bag, going for the backdoor.

When he stepped inside the tattoo parlor, he could see that Roman and Remus were already turning off the lights, Roman’s curly, long, cardinal red hair pulled up in a bun, his tanned skin stained with ink, and Remus’ hair as unkept as always.

Logan wouldn’t ever admit it, but he would always melt when Roman smiled at seeing him.

“My love!” Roman exclaimed, running up to Logan and picking him up only to spin him in the air.

Logan would normally feel awfully embarassed at such a display of affection, but when there was only them and Remus, who might as well be his friend at this point? He couldn’t manage to make himself embarassed enough to reprimand his red haired love.

Love. By the stars, love. They were going awfully quick, weren’t they? He couldn’t bring himself to care.

Roman finally put him down, only to grab his face with both hands and start peppering kisses all over it. Logan was almost drunk enough on the kisses to not notice Roman was following his freckles with his lips.

“This is cute enough to make me want to take my eyes out with a spoon.” Logan heard Remus’ voice, and Roman groaned, dropping his face on Logan’s shoulder. Logan could see Remus was wearing ripped black skinny jeans over fishnets and a bright green crop top.

“Oh, fuck off, go rummage for trash you fucking racoon.”

“I have already rummaged, bitch brother of mine, tonight I get to eat the trash.”

“Oh for the love of the ghosts, I literally hate you so much – “

“Sure, sure, hey Logan, bye Logan, use protection!” Remus said as he walked out of the parlor’s doors, mounting his bike and finally going.

“Fucking trash eating little gremlin.” Roman murmured, before kissing Logan’s shoulder(well, his shirt, but it’s the thought that counts) and raising his head to look at Logan, big smile already back on his face. “So! Are you ready?”

Logan, still flustered by the kisses, simply nodded.

“Alright, my apartment is just up those stairs, you can go up and settle down while I finish closing the shop.” Roman said, before laying a final kiss on Logan’s cheek and walking towards the doors Remus had left unlocked. Logan went up the stairs, face still hot, and as he went to open the door that sat on top of them, he couldn’t help but feeling that awfully warm and fuzzy thing inside his chest when he touched the doorknob (thankfully made out of copper), as it finally hit him that yes, Roman was actually letting him inside his home without caring about what Logan could do while he was absent. If any fairy(specifically the fairies Logan grew up around) had done something like this, it would be seen as foolish, if not downright scandalous.

Logan shook his head before finally opening the door.

The apartment was...Not exactly what Logan was expecting(with the level of average drama between Remus and Roman combined, he almost expected for red theatre curtains, swords, thrones and life sized statues), but he couldn’t deny that it did fit both of the twins.

The first thing Logan noticed was that, while there weren’t any theatre curtains, there was a fair amount of red and green decoration, including but not limited to a golden and red peacock statue and a green hand showing the middle finger statue. The floorplan was open, with a living space decorated in whites and blacks right in front of a tiny kitchen decorated in the same color scheme. It probably wouldn’t fit the two brothers if there weren’t paint stains all over the furniture, along with various papers with drawings that Logan assumed were possible tattoo designs covering the walls and the fridge.

Overall it seemed like Roman and Remus had taken something that wasn’t theirs...And made it theirs.

Logan noticed there was a fireplace sitting adjacent to the couch, and there were small amounts of clutter there, like a bunch of unopened letter, a clear glass chocolate jar, silver and gold jewelry and two wands.

He set his overnight bag on the side of the couch and sit down, analyzing the drawings covering the walls while he waited for Roman.

Aproximately ten minutes later, he heard the door opening and Roman’s voice rambling.

“Well, that’s it, the shop is closed, the equipment is clean, the lights are turned off and – wow, is that a cutie sitting on my couch?”

Logan raised one eyebrow, but Roman kept looking at him expectantly. He simply sighed before saying with a smile “Yes, dear."

“I knew it, my suspicions are confirmed! The most gorgeous being is indeed inside my apartment!”

“Oh you – you are too kind.” Was the only thing Logan could say, still not used to having those exhuberant words directed at him, but not at all displeased by them.

“On the contrary, I am not kind enough!” Was the answer he received, as Roman jumped to sit on his side and grab his face with both hands. “For example, I have yet to tell you how stunning your freckles look today, they look like you were carved out of a giant diamond then strategically painted over with the finest pigments one could find – “

“Oh – Roman.“Was all Logan could say, as he felt his stomach fluttering like it was full of living snap-dragonflies, and Roman’s entire expression went too soft for him to handle. Luckily, Roman bent down to kiss his cheek before Logan had to decide what to do to hide his undoubtedly lovesick expression. The peck on his cheek went on for long enough that he could calm down. Roman looked at him before leaving a final quick kiss on the other cheek and retreating.

“I have vegetable and mushroom pie, butterscotch pie, linean bread, and cinnamon rolls in the shape of a bunny. Do you want to eat before watching the movie or after?”

“I’d like to eat before. It’s hard for me to concentrate on the movie if I am eating.” Logan responded, trying not to get distracted by Roman’s hand on his cheek.

“Ok.” Roman said, before letting go of him and getting up. “ You can go change while I set the table, if you want. The bathroom is that door on the left.”

Logan nodded and got up, going in the direction of the bathrooom as Roman went in the direction of the fridge.

The bathroom was a small, simple one, with slightly off white tiles on the walls and floor, a normal toilet, sink and shower. He set the bag down on the toilet to grab his pajamas, a knee length, dark blue pajamas skirt and a black baggy t-shirt. He put on simple black socks before closing his bag and getting out of the bathroom.

Roman had already set the table, it seemed, as he was getting out of what Logan assumed was his bedroom, finishing the process of putting on a red tank top over white sweatpants.

“Hey.” Roman said, grabbing Logan’s hand and leading him to the small square glass table on the space to the side of the living space, on which was laid out all of the food he had mentioned before. “What do you want?”

“I’ll have the vegetable pie, and I want to try the bread, I’ve never heard of it.”

“Oh, then you’re in for a treat, my love, it’s bread made in Linea, the elf nation I – that is, the elf nation my mother comes from. It’s made with ground lineo and mock-turtle milk, so the texture is different from wheat bread, and it’s savory.”

Logan simply nodded, grabbing butter and spreading it on one of the orange colored slices of bread that had already been cut, before cutting out a slice of the vegetable pie.

He went for the bread first, and it was...Delicious, certainly, but also not what he was accustomed to. The texture was less starchy and more smooth, more, well, damp, than wheat bread. It tasted like a mixture of ground beef, chicken, lentiles, and was almost spicy, the saltless butter balancing out the savory taste.

“This is delicious. I’ll have to introduce you to a dish to thank you for it.”

“Oh hell yeah, I can’t wait to find out what fairies eat.” Roman responded, grabbing a slice of the butterscotch pie and two cinnamon buns. Logan looked at him, amused, before saying:

“Oh, you’ll probably like it, there’s enough sugar in a single meal to rot your teeth. My favorite drink is hot chocolate with strawberry sugar and honey.”

Roman smiled like was planning something, before finally saying “Ah, explains how you’re so sweet then.”

“I – Roman.” Logan responded, slightly out of breath and only able to reach for the other’s hand so he could hold it while eating, just like the day Logan brought him to the shop’s kitchen and they – well, confessed wasn’t exactly the right word. Caught up to each other, that fit better.

“My father used to cook plenty of meat with honey for – well, it wasn’t dinner, exactly, we ate right before going to sleep, it was the only time I was allowed to ingest honey in any way, lest they had to deal with a drunk seven year old that wasn’t going to sleep soon.” Logan smiled softly while allowing his gaze to go unfocused with nostalgia for a few moments. “Now I cook too, and I couldn’t be more grateful for him.”

“Did you grow up around fairies?”

Logan’s smile widened a bit. “Yes. Mother, father and I grew up around my grandmothers, my father’s mothers. They were both fairies, and one of them was my stepgrandmother. We lived in quite a cold location, so the food was always very heavy and full of calories for our bodies to burn. By the moon, I...I miss them so much, I loved them so much.”He smiled softly at his hands, caressing Roman’s wrist, before looking back at him.” What about you, did you grow up around elves?”

Roman’s hand suddenly tightened around Logan’s own, and Logan saw an aprehensive look on his love’s face for about two seconds before he relaxed.

“I...No. Remus and I grew up with my father and stepmother. I don’t...Have the best memories about them, because well...”He trailed off, biting his lip while looking lost in thought.

“You don’t need to tell me, if you don’t want to.” Logan said, squeezing his love’s hand. Roman squeezed back, smiling at him with that besotted smile that still left Logan quite breathless.

“It’s not that, I do want to tell you. Um. Hey, love, did I ever tell you how my birth name isn’t Roman? It’s actually Valerie.”

Logan was startled enough to stop caressing Roman’s hand for about one second before he came back to himself and his task.

“I see. So I take it neither of us is cis?”

Roman let out a shaky breath, before smiling. “Yeah.”

Neither of them had felt like watching the movie, after that, and when Roman put on some romantic Disney songs, Logan couldn’t bring himself to resist the invitation to slow dance in their pajamas in the middle of the living room.

“So this is love, mmm, so this is love...” Roman sang into Logan’s neck, while the fairy traced the lines of a tattoo he had in between his shoulderblades, a red crest that depicted a castle standing before a sea and under a spiral sun. “So this is what makes life divine...”

“I cannot believe I’m the one saying this, but you, sir, are a giant nerd.” Logan said, his voice far too soft to be mocking. He then sighed “Love, huh? We are going awfully fast.”

Roman raised his head, his expression way too worried for the fairy’s taste.

“I don’t intend on stopping it. It’s...Scary, maybe, but I’m nothing but sure in what I feel for you.” Roman looked a little bit like someone had punched, before asking:

“May I kiss you?”

Logan felt like he had been punched, then, punched by how much he loved the man in front of him and wow, he was really head over heels huh.

“You most definitely may.”

The kiss wasn’t how it happened in movies. It wasn’t desperate and full of passion. It was calm and gentle and only warmed up slightly when Logan introduced tongue, and he was almost overwhelmed by how much love he could pouring from Roman and himself.

They kissed until they needed to breathe, and considering the both of them could hold their breath for longer than most species, it took a good two minutes before Logan had to break away with Roman chasing him, only to settle for kissing his neck.

Logan let out a shaky sigh as he felt Roman’s lips leave soft, gentle kisses on his skin, and he simply stood there until Roman was satisfied. When he was, he raised his head, looking at Logan with na aprehensive expression that didn’t fit the occasion.

“I...I hope the neck wasn’t too much. I could stop myself from kissing you as easily as I could stop the sea waves.”

“It was perfectly fine, dear.” Logan said, a little breathless. “But maybe we should go to sleep now. Tonight has been full of...Emotions.”

Roman smiled, before kissing Logan quickly on the lips and pulling him by the hand toward his room.

[spacegaywritings]

The Wonders of Sleep Chap 2 - “Dreams sweeter than a Popsicle”

*Virgil passing out on people and forcing them to self care!: Moxiety

Summary: Patton has been cooking and baking all day because Thanksgiving is near, and since Thomathy had proven himself a worthy enough cook last time his brothers were not around to assist, he is now supposed to do much more work than before. Of course the dad-guy side needs to jump in and take matters into his hands.Only Virgil thinks that baking and cooking from earliest of mornings to evening is a bit too much, even for the altruistic side. It is time to lure him into a little (cat) nap!

Tags: nap, puns, baking, food mention, overworking, patton, virgil, thomas, thanksgiving, eating, popsicle, best friends, most dynamicest dueost duo in the entire thomasphere, pillow forts, fluff, domestic fluff, stuffies, cat stuffie, bunny stuffie, nicknames, moxiety, piggy back ride, struggling to self-care, references to POF/SVS 2, sleep over, back pain, feet pain, (no injury), friendship, caring about one another, mutual support, love

Previous chapter (analogical)

  My KoFi  - Support me ♥

 “Another tray coming in!”

 Patton set another pie onto the kitchen counter.

This was the third pie he had baked this today, among a whole pan of sweet potatoes with roasted marshmallows molten on top of them.

 The kitchen was a festival for the sweet tooth’s nose! The roasted marshmallows gave the air an innocently sweet waft while the pies added a slight sourness to it as some sort of contrast. It was an explosion of sweet, sour and playful scents and they combined to an intensity that Virgil felt as if he could open his mouth and bite a bit off the tasty air.

While he could not do that, he certainly helped Patton enough (once he had been awake enough) to get the rests of the bowl and sneak a cherry or raspberry here and there. He had not been fast enough for the pumpkin.

 “Wow, Pat. This is like three pies already.. You done any time soon? We have a whole kitchen of sweets now, I think that’s enough.”

 Virgil looked at the lined up pies Patton had already made over the course of the day. He had come in late to join him since he was busy panicking over stress for Thomathy (one of his most important activities in the day - this was literally his work). There was cherry, apple and now a fresh pumpkin pie.

 “Aw, Virgil”, Patton cooed as he turned around to face the other and engulf him in a loving hug, “don’t you worry about your good old Patton cake baking some patent cake.”

 He giggled to himself.

 “I am just messing around - those are pies.”

 Virgil nodded tentatively, his eyebrows stricken together as if to mimick the “doubt” meme. He was generally a walking meme, not that Patton would really grasp the joke of his actions and expressions. If it was no pun, then it was not Patton’s type of humour.

 “Thank you for the help, Virgil. If you are tired, you can go.”

 The moral side pulled away. Well, tried to pull away.

Virgil stubbornly held onto the man.

 “Eggselent try but you are going to take a break. You have done more than enough for Thomas. Thanksgiving will be full of food. Take a breather and relax.”

 The man with glasses tilted his head.

 “Oh, but kiddo, I am not done yet. Thomas still has a pecan pie planned and I wanted to make Jell-o in different flavours as little cubes, so it is fun to eat them, you know?”

 The anxious trait stubbornly shook his head and tugged Patton closer.

 “If I make a pun, will you come to bed with me and snuggle up for a short nap? We can bake all night after this, but we have to rest so Thomas can relax, too. We know Thomas needs to take care of himself - this means we have to stop at some point.”

 Patton looked at him, a struggle in his hazel eyes.

 “I... I know.”

 His eyes were screaming “yes” and “no” at the same time, knowing it was right but internally pushing himself to keep going, to keep working and fulfil his duty. He had to make Thomas’ family proud and to make them and any other guest happy!

 Virgil gave him a sympathetic smile.

 “It is okay to say “no” to others and take care of yourself.”

 The former dark side turned, slightly dissolving their embrace by removing one of his arms from the loving hug.

He pointed at Thomas who tiredly sat in the kitchen outside of the mindscape.

 “Didn’t he do enough?”

 Patton’s anguished gaze fell on their Thomas.

 “He is tired, Patton. You got him out of bed early in the morning.”

 He gently drew the moral side into a full-body hug again and tightly wrapped his arms around him. Virgil patted the nape of his neck.

 “It is okay, Popstar. I know it is hard. Let’s go slow and clean this and take a short little nap, yeah?

 The purple bundle of stitches and patches tugged the caring dad-like figure over to kitchen table. His foot pushed one of the chair legs aside, causing the seat to shift just enough for Patton to sit on it. A groan escaped him when he rested, his feet finally allowed to realise the pain they were in.

 “Oh, holy butter knife, my back is aching!”

 Patton rubbed his feet and sunk into the chair. With all these hours spent standing and swirling around to commit to the magic of baking, he had totally lost the sense of feeling his body and his pains.

His whole body seemed to be sore as if Thomas had been working out a lot in the morning.

 Virgil was busy loading the dish washer, clearing the oven and wiping the surfaces of about any kitchen appliance. At the top of it all, he got a popsicle for the more established side.

 “Here you go, Pat.”

 The receiver took the popsicle, eyes lighting up as he grew aware of the gesture.

 “Oh, Virgil, but this is the last honey-lime tea popsicle”, Patton protested to which Virgil responded with a dismissive wink.

“Take it. I will make more of them tomorrow and add mint leaves.”

 The self-declared father figure nodded in delight but stayed quiet, safe for the sucking noise of him devouring the cooling treat.

 “Nap time, popstar?”

 Patton smiled, two sets of whites shining into Virgil’s face as he nodded willingly and stretched out his hand.

 “Carry me? My feet are huuuurt”, he whined, arms stretched out.

 A lop-sided grin stole itself onto Virgil’s lips.

 “Sleepover time!”

 “Yay!”

 Virgil squatted in front of Patton and loaded him onto his back. It was time for a sleepover between the bestest of friends and greatest of duoest- eh.. duos, of course.

Patton continued to enjoy his popsicle as he snuggled up to Virgil. By the time they arrived at Patton’s moderate door, a baby blue wooden door with a beige knob, the tired side had already slurped up the refreshing treat and was ready to relish in a little slumber party with one of his best friends.

 “Thank you, Virgil... I know, I need to get better at it and I am sor-”

 “psshht”, Virgil quickly interjected, “if you apologise, you will make the best friend ghosts angry.”

 Patton giggled and plopped down onto his bed.

 “Pillow fort?”

 The other nodded and the two got down to collect plushies, pillows, blankets and sheets to create their own little castle of dreams.

Once they were done, Patton picked up a little stuffed bunny. One of his ears was patched up multiple times and one leg was saggy from uneven distribution of filling.

 “Mister Snuffles for you?”

 Virgil nodded and offered his friend a little black cat with eyes yellow like the rising full moon.

 “Punny Purr!”

 Patton took the faux kitten into his arms and hugged her close to his chest.

 “Good night, Patton, Mister Snuffles, Punny Purr.”

 The former dark side curled up in the safety of the pillow fort. Patton joined in on the fun and cuddled up to his missing half.

 “Friends forever, kiddo”, he mumbled sleepily.

 The two chuckled.

 “Forever and even ever after.”

 “Mhm..”

 Patton wiggled further into Virgil’s arms and relaxed in his loose grip. Their little stuffies were snuggled up together between the two sides’ chests.

 They deserved a good nap after being two busy bees, after all.

[jpstandsforjustpatches]

📰 - I will write a drabble that’s happened in my muse’s past or a memory.

Patches was young but had seen plenty of hardships. Being a rare magical creature in a world where magic wasn’t commonplace led to more than her fair share of demonic accusations. Even more so in the late 1700s when most maladies were still blamed on the supernatural. Particularly harsh winters or poor harvests? Well, they had seen that clown demon around, it was obviously her fault.

Of course, she never did anything to try and dissuade the rumors. Why would she? She never knew anything else. All she knew was that she was a scary monster with sharp claws and sharper teeth. Those claws and teeth were how she managed to scrape by and survive. With no guidance, she raised herself on stolen goods and eavesdropping. It was no way to learn. Through this she learned to speak, to read, all the basics that could have been a great foundation for growth. But she also learned that magic was evil, it was to be feared, anything magical was the work of the devil. Which naturally must have included herself.

She clothed herself in pilfered scraps of fabric cobbled together into clothing. Her favorites were always the ones with patterns on them so she took as many different patterns as she could. It was her literal patchwork clothing that earned her the name “Patches”. A name that quickly grew in notoriety over the years.

Most of her early interactions with other living things tended to be food related. Either she was chased for stealing food, or she was doing the chasing, hunting down her prey. Sometimes the two overlapped. Sometimes, she would be cornered, and the butcher had such large knives. Sometimes they managed to catch her by the tail and tried to kill the evil monster. It was only natural for a cornered monster to defend itself, right?

Patches had learned quickly where to bite to disarm, where to bite to slow something down, and of course, where to bite to kill. The last quickly became her preference. Whenever she just fled, there tended to be people looking for her. When she didn’t leave the person alive? She could move on before anyone came to hunt her down. Plus she had the added benefit of more free food.

So it was that she developed a routine. Patches would find her way to a new town, somewhere she didn’t have a reputation yet. She would hunt and steal whatever food she could. Her favorites were pies cooling on windowsills, but those were a rare treat. Usually it was small animals or whatever morsels she could take from pantries without getting caught. She slept in dark alleyways or up in trees, very much like a feral cat. Eventually, as winter would start to creep up, supplies would run thin and temperatures would drop and she would be forced to grow bolder. Winter was when fresh kills were the best, but also when they were the hardest to find. Unless of course, she hunted prey other than wild animals.

In her early years when she killed it had been more based in self defense, but the self hatred of “evil” magic was deeply rooted. She had known killing to be wrong, but... She was wrong wasn’t she? She was an evil monster. Wrong is what she’s supposed to be doing. She was a monster, a wild beast. Besides, was it wrong of the wolf to kill a deer? Not at all. As she reached her teenage years, it became easier and easier to embrace being the wolf, the monster, the thing they feared in the dark.

When she embraced it, it became so much easier to hunt. Who needed to keep to the shadows to steal just enough to get by? Not her. The drunkard sleeping off too many drinks in the alley? That was an easy way to make off with a week’s worth of food. The wandering merchant, stopped on the side of the road to repair a broken wagon wheel? Nobody knew him, nobody would notice him missing. It could have just been a robbery gone wrong, after all. And if it was food they had been transporting? Even better.

Winters became easier. Patches stopped fearing her own magic as much and learned to utilize it to its full potential, discovering new tricks as she practiced. Shape shifting was the most fun. Nobody ever expected that one.

Eventually, enough of the townsfolk would grow wise to her tricks. Whispered rumors of a demon turned to warnings, everyone had a sighting and knew it to be more than a rumor. It wouldn’t be worth the trouble to remain and she would move on to the next unsuspecting town.

Patches should have known that eventually her reputation would precede her.

---------------------

Magic was a big secret and if anyone found out, they’d be ostracized or worse. It was only natural that those with magic would band together to form communities and look out for each other. Word of some magic clown beast that could pull itself back together after being sliced up? Oh yes, word of Patches made its way to them very quickly. They were ready when she drifted their way.

At face value, the small town looked no different from any other. Why would it? They didn’t want to attract suspicion from outside. When Patches arrived, nothing seemed amiss to her. It was a quaint little community, perhaps more friendly than anything she’d encountered before. The few adults she ran into on the streets didn’t seem to fear her like usual, if anything, they were polite, downright hospitable. It was... Weird. Different.

Patches felt uncomfortable. She didn’t trust it. Nobody had shown her real kindness before, they always wanted something out of it, why would it be any different here?

Her usual hunting tactics weren’t successful there. Everyone seemed to be watching out for each other, nobody was ever alone for long. Why were they so nice to each other? Why were they being nice to her? Sure, nobody was falling over themselves to offer her food, but even the bare minimum of not chasing her away with pitchforks was something she considered a nice action. When she did get caught snitching food, she got scolded, but never chased down. Even the children in town seemed more interested than afraid. Still, she did notice a few suspicious looks, whispers as soon as she was out of earshot. That seemed more normal to her.

When one of the children approached her in the nearby woods, it caught her off guard. The boy was alone, he’d be easy prey. No different from a stumbling fawn who wandered too far from mother. But the way he walked right up to her, no fear in his eyes, just wonder. It was enough to give her pause.

“What do you want? I’m busy.”

“You’re spooky.” Was the boy’s very astute reply, “Momma said to stay away from you cause you’re a monster.”

Patches stared down at him, unsurprised that parents were warning their children against her, even if she hadn’t done anything yet, “Then why are you here?”

“Cause you haven’t done anything bad... And you’re neat.”

Patches was sure that stealing food was something they’d consider bad, but no, she hadn’t done any murders or hurt anyone in the town... Yet, “Neat?”

The boy nodded before looking around to make sure they were alone. Once he was sure he motioned for her to bend down so he could loudly whisper, “Can you do magic too?”

This was the first time Patches had encountered anyone who wasn’t afraid of magic. He wanted to see it? Well... Maybe it wouldn’t hurt. What was a toddler going to do anyway? She straightened her back and tilted her head in thought.

Oh she had the perfect idea! Her cat-like tail twisted around, splitting into a cartoonish mouth with chunky, sharp teeth. Instead of terror, she was met with a delighted shout and clapping. It was nice...

“Can it eat?” He sounded so excited to test this out.

Patches laughed, it was one of the few times she’d ever genuinely felt amusement like that, “Of course it can!”

The boy had already scampered off to pick up leaves even before she’d given him an answer. Why leaves? He returned with fistfuls of them and a hopeful look in his eyes.

Well okay then. Patches’ tail mouth opened wide. Please deposit leaves.

The first fistful of leaves was tossed in and he giggled in excitement as she comically crunched on them. They didn’t taste good, of course, but this was just a game wasn’t it? It was good harmless fun. Maybe.. If she met the right people, people who weren’t afraid of magic, things wouldn’t be so bad. It was a nice thought that warmed her heart.

“Again, again!” The boy hopped up and down, waving the other hand full of leaves around.

This time she danced around him, making it more of a game. If he wanted to feed her tail more leaves, he was going to have to catch it first. He obliged, chasing around her tail with delight. For once, the game of chase was an actual game, she wasn’t afraid of being hurt, unafraid of what happened if she got caught. It felt good to let go and just play for once.

The boy practically threw himself at her tail, the sudden extra weight threw her off balance and sent her tumbling to the ground. She just laughed as she got her reward of more leaves pushed against her tail’s jaws. Okay, okay. She parted the jaws and accepted her leafy fate.

A distant shout interrupted their fun. The boy’s name, she guessed, based on how he reacted.

“Can we play again tomorrow?” He didn’t even hesitate to ask as he scrambled up to brush the dirt and leaves off his clothes.

Patches smiled, this was completely new, but didn’t feel uncomfortable at all, unlike all the adults being so weirdly polite. It didn’t feel forced, it felt genuine, “Yeah.. I’d like that.”

The boy ran off with a wave, leaving Patches alone in the woods yet again. She was still hungry, he’d interrupted her hunting, but for a change, she didn’t mind. They probably scared off any nearby animals with all the ruckus, though. Ah... She realized she’d have to seek food elsewhere now.

---------------------

The next morning, she meandered back to that same area of forest, hoping to see her new friend again. He didn’t show. She waited through the afternoon, ears perked at every young voice shouting and playing in the distance, but still nothing.

Patches started to think she’d been lied to. Just as she was about to give up and leave, a rustling caught her attention followed by a whisper, “Miss spooky clown?”

“It’s.... Patches.” She hesitated to give it, but it was the only name she’d ever really known. Patches crept towards the brush. That sounded like the boy from yesterday. “Miss Patches you gotta run.” The warning was urgent but something sounded off.

She didn’t heed the warning and pulled the brush back. She needed to know more, “What are you talking about?”

There she found the boy, huge tears running down his cheeks, “I told my momma... T-That you weren’t bad and we played and stuff. I- I thought if she knew you were nice that she wouldn’t be so scared.” He sniffled and rubbed his nose on a sleeve, “But she got really mad and said I couldn’t come play with you anymore. And- And there’s people looking for you. I think they wanna make you go away.”

Sure enough, Patches heard voices in the distance. They sounded like that of a hunting party, nothing she hadn’t dealt with before. She wasn’t afraid, she knew she could handle herself. It wasn’t like they could kill her anyway.

“I’m sorry... I- I gotta go. Before momma knows I’m not home.” The boy scampered off and just like that, she was alone again.

The voices drew nearer. They had heard the boy running through the underbrush and followed the sound. A shout rose up as one of them spotted Patches, her loud wardrobe giving her away easily in the greenery, especially when she was just standing there.

Patches locked eyes with them, taking note of her current predicament. Four townsfolk stood there, she recognized them as the ones she saw gossiping about her the most Each of them came armed with a rifle and each had theirs pointed right at her. That would hurt a lot, if they managed to hit her.

If they managed to hit her.

One member of the group spoke up, “We know what you’ve done... The trail of destruction you’ve left behind in every community whose doors you’ve darkened.”

“We’re not going to let you ruin what we’ve built. This is a safe haven. You’re not welcome here.” Another agreed.

Patches frowned. How did these people know what she’d already done? Did someone guess where she’d go next and warn them? She only did what was necessary to survive.

It wasn’t wrong of the wolf to kill a deer... But a wolf hunting sheep or cattle tended to come to a head the same way things had now, angry people with guns.

“I’m just trying to survive...” She took a slow, careful step forward, hands raised placatingly, “I’m-”

A bright glow flashed down the neck of the rifle as one of them pulled the trigger. In an instant, half her vision went black, much like the blood that dribbled from her face. The pain that blossomed in her skull was unlike anything she’d felt before. Sure, she’d been shot, it hurt, but not like this.

Patches fell to her knees, her head was spinning and her vision swam. She could see smooth fragments of white in the dirt among the globs of black ichor. A shaky hand reached out to them, was that..? Were those pieces of her face? Her remaining eye frantically fixed itself on the hunting party, terrified. What did they do to her?

One of the others held up her hand. It glowed with a light Patches had never encountered before. As fire sprung forth, it clicked. Magic. This was magic. Different from her own, but magic nonetheless, and it hurt. The flames burned worse than any candle or campfire she had ever touched.

Patches knew now that she had to leave. She knew how to handle the mundane, the weak. This was a whole new animal and she was so scared. As she turned to run, another shot rang out behind her. It missed, but she could see the faint glow on the tree it struck as she passed by.

A few more shots sounded off behind her as she ran. Though she couldn’t tell anymore if they were trying to hit her or run her off. It had worked regardless. She found herself scared out of her mind, half-blind, and running like a bat out of hell.

The clown didn’t stop until she ended up miles from the town. She slumped against a tree to try and catch her breath. Blood and tears trickled from her respective eye sockets. Her eye hadn’t come back yet. Why hadn’t it come back? It never took this long before. A knot formed in her stomach as realization dawned on her.

Magic.

That town had been full of magic folk. That was why they didn’t attack her immediately. That was why the boy had asked if she was magic too.

That boy.. That child. He had been so young and innocent, he hadn’t feared her. For one brief moment, she had known what it was to just be another person instead of the monster everyone wanted to destroy. But then... That same child had led those others right to her. All his innocence and kindness got her hurt... It took her eye.

The cold bitterness that dwelled within her grew.

The only time she had ever let her guard down and she ended up literally burnt and half blind.

Kindness never led to anything good.

And children? Well clearly they couldn’t be trusted, not even the ones who meant well.

[jodellejournals]

little mermaid days

an hour away from my hometown city, a municipality called san joaquin peacefully exists and humbly thrives. it is located at the southern tip of iloilo and it was way back 2005 when we spontaneously walked on its shores until we found an empty lot. it was love at first sight at the scenery that struck us so my tita bought that piece of land. a year later, it became our family beach house. long weekends, summer breaks, birthdays, and anniversaries started to be spent and celebrated there and so it became a home away from the city where i lived my little mermaid dreams. as some of you know, i have always been fascinated by mermaids and their happy-go-lucky life — just swimming, brushing their hair with forks, being friends with crabs and almost all sea creatures, and away from the harsh and cruel human world. i’m such an escapist, i know, but that’s who i am. i have mentioned in one of my previous entries that my favorite disney princess is ariel from the little mermaid so living in a beach house during weekends made me feel like one. thankfully, no ursula was there but only eels. and sometimes, they come for free. a family friend of ours who does business in the area gives us free seafood and we all know it tastes better when it’s free! but i don’t eat eels! they’re not my thing. i only enjoy fresh fishes and prawns. they’re good although i am allergic to the latter one. i am scared of how oysters look like, on the other hand, so i just pass them around. that’s too much food already so let me share to you instead how life was like in the sea side.

usually, we’d leave our ancestral house in the city by 8am although we have originally planned to depart at 7am. filipino time, you know. if there will be plenty of us (cousins from first to third degrees, extended aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews who were tagged along, and some househelp), we’d go in three batches. if we’re a small bunch, one or two batches would be enough. i always pick the car where cousins my age were at and i’d be lounging in the backseat with my pillow, a bag of cheetos or chippy, bottled water, and earphones. life is good. and i’m all set for a cozy hour of car ride. bye-bye, city! whilst on the road, i’d always (and i mean always), look in the window as if i’m in a summer adventure movie like aquamarine. the usual sights were centuries-old churches, spanish colonnial houses, pastry shops, local malls and resorts. all of which were very familiar to me since i grew up passing by them but they still seemed anew each time i laid my eyes. i marveled at my city. it is such beauty. there is really no place like home. then thirty to forty minutes later, my eyes were greeted by palm trees, zigzag roads, little nipa restaurants, and just a bit further, the glittering sea under the piercing rays of sun came into our perfect view. san joaquin, being a southern municipality, is abundant in natural resources. so the closer you get there, the closer you are to mother nature. it’s like a secret hiding place for me — almost like narnia — where i can unwind with birds, fishes, cows, and dogs to name a few. some cows were literally on the road so we make sure that we don’t go way too fast even if there’s no traffic. cows have their agendas, too, so let’s not get in their way. then if we’d get a bit hungry because breakfast was usually prepared upon arriving at the beach house, we’d stop over at a famous bakery shop called nang palang’s pies. a trip to san joaquin is usually never completed without buying boxes of their signature buko pie. delicious, warm, and well-suited for the tropical weather. i’d take half-bites so as to not be full when real breakfast arrives. then after attempts of dozing into a nap and avoiding cows and their agendas, we’d finally arrive at our vacation home.

upon opening the car door, the crashing sound of the waves welcomed us warmly and the buzzing of the crickets, too! i can already feel my tan slowly coming out of my skin. i don’t know why but beaches make everything seem glisten and glitter. the air smelled of fresh leaves and trees mixed with saltiness from the sea. i love that earth smell! by that time, i’d instinctively hear the sea calling my name. it’s shining there few steps away from me, after all. no worries mr. sea, me and my cousins were already in our swimsuits. we were that excited and ready. we have learned from previous visits to be always prepared with the right attire because the sea calling exempts nobody. and the bangka at the shore (that is usually a property of our caretaker) only tempted us more to go for a sunny boat ride. the adults could no longer do anything if we jumped in and rowed that boat! forget the sunscreen, the little children in us back then used to not care much about our skin. playtime was more important and twice the fun at the beach. so one time, my mother called us for breakfast but we were already dipped in the not-so-deep blue sea and basked under the yellow san joaquin sun. too late, chocolate!

but if she triumphed in stopping us, me and my cousins would have an afternoon swim instead. by 3:30pm, usually refreshed from our nap, we were in the perfect mood to be little mermaids. folding chairs in happy colors perched at the shore and tall beach umbrellas stood firmly. now we have sandy toes that made us forget our childish woes. we’d create sand castles or write our names in the sand using sticks. it would stay there for the sky to look upon until a giant wave would wash them all away. gone was any trace of our masterpiece but that’s okay, we always love the sea. then some children at our age would pass by us. they hold with them crystal bottles that looked like one of those that ursula had with potion, weirdly-shaped but pretty-colored stones, kites, and biscuits or chips. i guess it’s their playtime, too. no, they’re not lost wandering anywhere the wind takes them but local residents just roaming around their village. yes, our beach house was at the sea side where many houses of the locals stood firm. when we talked to those children about the place, they knew every twist and turn, how long it would take to get to the next island or village, or how much the goods there cost. these children, small they may be, but mighty is their knowledge. i could not even commute properly until now without asking for some guides and directions! but them, they are like dora’s map that memorized each corner by heart. how wonderful are the lives of these people? living by the sea, breathing fresh air, and swimming in the waters anytime they want. they do fishing for a living and it’s not even a nine-to-six job. clearly, there is work-life balance. the best things in life are indeed, free. so why do we even picture a life in the city? a simple life calls for a simple way of living. but jodelle, you know deep down inside, that each parent wants their children to live a life with the best things that this world has to offer. how? by getting a good education, earning money, investing on insurance, building your own place, exploring countries, and meeting new faces to name a few. that’s how it’s always been painted to us. but what if, once in a while, we just retreat to nature and immerse in a homemade and handmade kind of life? i’d gladly consider that option.

anyway, going back to my story, me and my cousins would start swimming by 4pm right after our encounter with the locals. for me, it’s the ideal swimming time because there was no more blazing heat but only breezing winds. and it would not also be long enough until it’s sunset o’clock! so one afternoon, i laid down by the shore wearing my navy blue swimsuit with yellow flowers on it and my back felt the soft sand and each time the waves kissed the shore. relaxing, soothing, calming. i can just stay here forever, i remember thinking. and while laying there, my only view was the clear sky. it was not blue that time but clear white with some fading yellows on the sides from the noon that has passed. how vast is this celestial body? does it ever end? the world is so big and i felt so small — but free as well. then a flock of chirping birds came into my view and i didn’t mind. i enjoyed them, in fact. they seemed so happy and at peace. isn’t it beautiful how bodies of water, vast skies, and living creatures just harmoniously coexist together? god really created everything perfectly. i stayed laying there a bit longer and saw the sky changed to a different shade in its own pace. just like us humans. another thought came across my mind but it was a bit silly. wild guess? i pretended the sand was snow and created a sand angel! it was not that bad upon checking the outcome. shortly, i called my cousin, dianne, and told her my blissful and happy experience. i can’t be selfish and enjoy the wonders of the shores all to myself, right? so she also laid beside me, created her own sand angel, and we looked up to the sky above, enjoying our moment of peace and quiet. we closed our eyes for a bit and meditated. just two pisces girls being spiritual. but not too long though, because strong waves took us back to our reality.

by that time, the sun was already setting and hues of oranges, pinks, and purples painted the sky. i’m not a swimmer so i just sat at a huge rock in the waters, pretended i had a tail, and parted my wet hair into half just like how mermaids do it. i’d look at the horizon, check ships from afar, observe small boats nearby, and when i look down on my toes, little nemos were there happily swimming. being in nature really makes me feel alive. then as we came out of the waters, the fishermen were also docking their bangkas and pulling their fishing nets. they had a bountiful catch which was enough to feed their family. that signaled me and my cousins that it was time to wash up in the bathroom for dinner will soon be served. expectedly, our viand would be grilled fish to be dipped in soy sauce, calamansi, and chilli peppers and we’d pair it with warm sticky rice. when we were full, we’d leave the ground floor for the adults to play mahjong and climb our way to the second floor to share stories. sometimes, we’d play cards or read books through our iphones. The television did not appeal much to us when we were there. and when midnight came, we’d munch on a bag of doritos for snacks and drink leftover red wine that was usually from our previous visit. all while the airconditioner was on full blast. i miss that kind of comfortable. a little bit later, we’d turn off some of the lights but it wasn’t completely dark. the moon that shone above was enough to give us light and it seeped through our room that was guarded by a sliding glass door. it overlooked the sea 24/7 and we never got tired of that view. when daylight came, there was no need for an alarm clock because the sound of the ocean waves that sweetly lulled us to sleep last night would gently wake us up in the morning sun, too. coming with the terms of nature and its cycles enabled me to be aware of what part of the day it already was. so that’s when i knew it’s time for brunch because the sun was way too high up in the sky. we’d then go on with the day just like how we spent yesterday until we were due to be back in the city.

oh, happy times. it was simpler back then. it used to even feel like days would always be like that forever but look at me now. i’m miles away from where i consider home and “living” a so-called adult life “the way it should be” — working at the office, paying insurance, constructing emails. all those stuff. when did life become like this? did i forget how to have a heart and eyes of a child? i hope not. but being in your twenties can easily get you in a trap especially if there is no time to take a pause and reflect. sometimes, it’s easier to be just a child — forgiving, carefree, light-hearted, full of wonder, and pure in every way. all would be well again after a good cry. but then i have always known that i can forever remain a kid at heart no matter how old i age. i just have to make sure that she’s within me safely guarded at all costs so the world would never harden her. i am glad she still remains soft when i look at her closely. she still has those eyes full of wonder with a carefree heart that carries happy childhood memories from her little mermaid days.

[wherethewindtakesher]

weeeeee

the biggest thank you to @caws5749 for sending me all 134 questions 🥰

1: Name Lorena

2: Age 20

3: 3 Fears drowning, the ocean, and fishes.

4: 3 things I love my dog, my friends, and mangoes.

5: 4 turns on humor, charisma, telling me how much you want m-, and moaning.

6: 4 turns off being full of themselves, disrespectfulness, afraid to be themselves, and not showing a care about the well being of others.

7: My best friend k, f, and @brownmantwo.

8: Sexual orientation bisexual.

9: My best first date i’ve never been on a date!

10: How tall am I 5′2

11: What do I miss being fucking skinny-

12: What time were I born 10:45 pm!

13: Favorite color red.

14: Do I have a crush uh...

15: Favorite quote “I got STDS they make my coochie itch” SKSKSKDKSDKAD.

16: Favorite place my house.

17: Favorite food rice.

18: Do I use sarcasm 99.9% of my vocabulary is sarcasm.

19: What am I listening to right now “everything I wanted” by billie eilish because ya girl is depressed.

20: First thing I notice in new person how they hold themselves.

21: Shoe size 8 or 8.5 sometimes a 9.

22: Eye color dark brown.

23: Hair color black.

24: Favorite style of clothing baggy clothes or dark bold colors.

25: Ever done a prank call? yea. I use to call those numbers where it takes you to a different number to prank.

27: Meaning behind my URL its not necessarily an interesting story I just came up with it in my head one day.

28: Favorite movie too many to count.

29: Favorite song literally too many.

30: Favorite band three days grace.

31: How I feel right now fucking sad.

32: Someone I love my friends.

33: My current relationship status single.

34: My relationship with my parents its good! but there is a lot I tend to not discuss with them.

35: Favorite holiday halloween!

36: Tattoos and piercing I have I have two tattoos, both on my left arm. my finger tattoo is of a rose and my bicep is a ghost wearing a witch hat! piercing: septum, conch (but it closed) and my two lobes.

37: Tattoos and piercing I want a bunch more of tattoos and I want to get a few more ear piercings.

38: The reason I joined Tumblr to be cool like my older niece.

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? no we do not. lots of love and respect left in between us.

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? not really.

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? NO BECAUSE @domromanoff and I ARE BASICALLY SISTERS AND THATS INCEST.

42: When did I last hold hands? years ago.

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 10 minutes to get up from bed and 5 to actually get ready.

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? yes I have because I like smooth legs.

45: Where am I right now? my kitchen.

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? no ones because they'll just leave me behind and laugh at my misery. jkjk but my dear friends.

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? L O U D.

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? I do because rent in LA is fucking e x p e n s I v e.

49: Am I excited for anything? to go to bed.

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? I have 2 of them.

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? too often tbh.

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? a few weeks ago I believe?

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? they should because thats their baby momma.

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? yup.

55: What is something I disliked about today? waking up.

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? lady gaga and scarlett johansson.

57: What do I think about most? what tattoo to get, if I should get another dog, how to annoy @caws5749 that day, etc etc.

58: What’s my strangest talent? I can move the bones in my wrist.

59: Do I have any strange phobias? im scared of fish!

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind because I am a nervous mess and I like taking control of such.

61: What was the last lie I told? “im okay”

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? both honestly! I love video chatting with @domromanoff and my friends!

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes and yes.

64: Do I believe in magic? hell yea I grew up around all that shit.

65: Do I believe in luck? not really.

66: What’s the weather like right now? its chilly.

67: What was the last book I’ve read? jesus christ I forgot the name but its currently under my bed rn.

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? YES.

69: Do I have any nicknames? clown, wueej by @caws5749, pi- prin-, bottom by @domromanoff, lore, lorecha, whore, hoe.

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I pulled my thigh muscle recently and OMG I WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN.

71: Do I spend money or save it? I SPEND IT HONEY YASSSS.

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? sadly no.

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? my water bottle c:

74: Favorite animal? I fucking love cows.

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? crying lmao.

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? nikolas is it not??

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? “Judas” by lady gaga.

78: How can you win my heart? just be yourself and believe wholeheartedly of what you want and desire.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? “madi did it”

80: What is my favorite word? fuck.

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr @caws5749 @domromanoff @dailyavengers @ravenforce andddddd @supercorpbechloe there’s so many more I’m editing this rn AKSJSHSHSHS I love each and everyone’s accounts here!

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? GLOBAL WARMING IS A REAL THING YALL.

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? i think so 👀 but im not close to them.

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? maybe like telekinesis or some mind power.

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? what goes on in your mind?

86: What is my current desktop picture? a winter forest.

87: Had sex? if oral sex counts then sure.

88: Bought condoms? I haven't bought them I just magically obtained them.

89: Gotten pregnant? oh god no.

90: Failed a class? yUUUUP.

91: Kissed a boy? yes.

92: Kissed a girl? yes.

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? back in middle school lmaoooo.

94: Had job? yes im on my second one rn.

95: Left the house without my wallet? all the damn time.

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no because im not a fucking asshole.

97: Had sex in public? not yet.

98: Played on a sports team? yea I was in track n field and cross country!

99: Smoked weed? I haven't but I once wanted to try it but I was to much of a pussy to skip class.

100: Did drugs? nope.

101: Smoked cigarettes? ew no.

102: Drank alcohol? y’all Ive gotten so fucked up on here so of cOURSE. my friends think I have a drinking problem ksjlksdjlkjds.

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? I am not.

104: Been overweight? yea.

105: Been underweight? No.

106: Been to a wedding? I have when I was younger.

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? sadly yes because of video games.

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? yea when I binge watched the walking dead.

109: Been outside my home country? yes!

110: Gotten my heart broken? yeah.

111: Been to a professional sports game? Yes because everyone in LA has possibly been to a dodgers game.

112: Broken a bone? nope!

113: Cut myself? oh man..I have and I deeply regret doing so but its a part of me now and i’ve accepted it.

114: Been to prom? YES! best night of my life.

115: Been in airplane? once and that was it because fuck planes lsjdkjlksdjs.

116: Fly by helicopter? nope!

117: What concerts have I been to? daddy yankee and some other guy I don't remember heheheh.

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? duh im gay.

119: Learned another language? I tried (and failed) to learn japanese.

120: Wore make up? a couple of times. i’m not the hugest fan of makeup.

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? nope!

122: Had oral sex? once.

123: Dyed my hair? too many times.

124: Voted in a presidential election? no but I will this upcoming one for sure.

125: Rode in an ambulance? no but I want to!

126: Had a surgery? no but I did have to get stitches on my lower lip.

127: Met someone famous? I meant jenni rivera’s brother at a movie theater once!

128: Stalked someone on a social network? yes? but not to a weird extent.

129: Peed outside? only because no one was around to open the door to my apartment complex and I couldn't hold it in-

130: Been fishing? I am T E R R I F I E D of fish so no.

131: Helped with charity? yup! I bought a shirt from one of @markiplier‘s livestreams that donated all the money to a charity.

132: Been rejected by a crush? yea.

133: Broken a mirror? I think maybe once??

134: What do I want for birthday? I want a tattoo.

[youngbradford]

Xmas Message For 2019

And here we go, my 19th annual year-end love letter online …Georgi Balinov and I rang in the new year at a giant party in Bangkok, halfway around the world. That foreign location, its beauty and tastes, set the tone for my 2019, a year of seeing the world, while stabilizing my life. Though often in flux or movement, 2019 was a year many things normalized over the year.

In January, almost immediately after arriving stateside, I crossed the pond and saw Michelle Visage perform in the West End with Peter Wish. Afterward, I played with her wigs backstage and walked her towards the queer kids lining up for selfies and autographs. I am very lucky to have Peter and Michelle in my life, kindred spirits both. One reminding me that fame, fortune, ebb, and flow, but that being real is what matters most. The other, a reminder to stay forever young. I visited Berlin yet again and did the usual, working, and playing, hard.

February appeared and I traveled to Philadelphia with Sandra Hansel, Georgi, George Sapio, and Anthony DeFilippis. We toured Lisa Roberts’ house, saw a Dieter Rams exhibit, dined with George Alley. In Lambertville, that Sunday, I bought vinyl and vintage hats. Later that month, I got a swallow tattooed on my hand, a symbol of flight and travel, and Warhol’s knives, blackened into my shin. An Eames exhibit in Oakland was a sweet way to end the month.

In March with my crew, Georgi, Khadyon Reid, Luis Urribarri, Anthony, and George, descended upon Salvador for Carnival. It was insane! I watched Anitta live, and danced in a sea of pushing, fighting, kissing Brazilians for days upon days. I felt unsafe and alive, threatened and excited. It was intense. Back home I got my other hand tattooed, again honoring my love of seeing the world. I traveled to Portland, came back to NYC at the end of the month, finally moving into our apartment, the one we bought 1.5 years before, that I designed, and had renovated head to toe. Finally, we had our dream home. The weekend we moved in, the place was still not ready, but we were sick of living without our things and in other people’s beds. Peg Kendall and Georgi’s mom came, and we worked our asses off unpacking and starting to make the 2800 square foot loft on west 13th street a home. We’d lived in Airbnbs and friends’ places for 19 months and it was tiring not having a home, not having most of our things. My art! My toys! My shoes!. Those months taught me how important a home, a safe place, and the oasis of my collections is to my mental health. From March on I felt more on solid ground and dedicated more energy to my career and friendships as a result.

In April we went to Coachella, seeing Ian and Jose Seronni, JJ and Andrey Lunin, and dancing in the desert of California. Multiple trips to San Francisco, catching glimpse of old friends, scaling my team at work, as I took on more and more responsibility.

In May, George Sapio and I celebrated (me a little early) a shared, fun birthday weekend at Soho Farmhouse. Joined by Matthew Kelleher, Mark Silver, Jaime Tanner, Matt Lynch, and others, we went shooting and feasted on pheasant in the English countryside.June was really busy, insanely so. 

For my 43rd in early June, I had a 30-person dinner party in our new place! We ended up at Club Cumming after, but before friends, new, and old, showered me with a vinyl record, the admission fee I’d set for my party. Lauren Foster, who has shared her home with us, was, appropriately, our first overnight guest. London, again, Berlin, too. Then home for Pride. Willam Ralphie hosted Bingo at eBay, Zach Augustine, David Mason Chlopecki, other loves attended. That weekend danced to both Madonna and Grace Jones on the pier and danced with 15K others at Javitz, where my favorite singer, Cyndi Lauper, belted “I Drove All Night,” her best song, at midnight. I stayed until the sun came up. NYC was electric that weekend. Parties, icons, friends from the world over … the city has an energy you could literally see and taste. I caught a few moments of the parade, overtaking lower Manhattan, and I smiled really big. God, it can feel good being gay! God, the world has improved for gay people (and yes, I know, we still have ways to go, especially for more marginalized LGBTQ groups). But I still took a moment to acknowledge the things that are better, that I have seen in my very gay lifetime. NYC that weekend was the ultimate place to reflect.

July 4th I went to Hamptons, with Ricardo, Brian, Felipe L. Mollica, others, guests of Anthony. Hosted Fab.com reunion, walked the Brooklyn Bridge, and took my team to Korea (where I shared a traditional Korean meal with Jae Hah), China (where I ate bird’s nests, jellyfish, sea snails, saw a Yves Klein show with Adnan Abbasi, and danced to 90s pop in a packed gay club), and Moscow (where I was amazed at how clean the city was and where I went to a traditional sauna and was whipped, naked, with tree leaves in front of dozens of Russian dudes in the nude). While in Russia a protest erupted, literally below the rooftop bar I dined in. Russia seemed freer than I’d expected, way more Western, up until this moment. I ended the weekend at a club at 3 AM, Russian women in high, high heels, dancing on the bar, vodka flowing like water. 2020 saw me traveling to places I romanticized as a child. Russia, one such place. I thoroughly enjoyed the friendships formed in Moscow, the food, and history. I want to return.

August, I was back in San Jose and Portland for work, then off again to Europe for vacation. We started our trip in Croatia, where Georgi and I kayaked around Dbruvnik’s harbor. Croatia’s cliffs and turquoise water did not disappoint, as we boated to islands and swam in caves. Driving south into Montenegro, the architecture reminded me more of Polish, Bulgarian trips, the water, greener. At the Amman we laid out next to The Beckhams, watching David kick a soccer ball with workers of the hotel, and watching Victoria read a book. Georgi and I then ventured to Mykonos, sunning til sunset and dancing til sunrise. A weekend trip upstate with our besties (including a guest appearance by Eric Lee, riding rides at the Colombia County fair, cooking pies, and grilling meats, ended our summer.

In September I went to Berlin and did Folsom and a speaking gig in front of 1K eBay sellers. I went again to Tel Aviv, meeting gay Israeli technology workers and a bevy fo Israeli start-ups. In Jerusalem, I returned to the wonderful Machneyuda with Gilad Ayalon, where they remembered me from my birthday the year before.

October saw us hosting my mother and my niece for a visit. We fell in love with Company XVI, a dance/burlesque/performance art troupe in Brooklyn. I took my mother to see Madonna, a night I will cherish forever. And we saw Dear Evan Hanson. A weekend in Miami with Lauren Foster and K was needed warmth. I took Georgi to see both acts of The Inheritance (so good!).  Then off to Berlin, again, and Paris, where I looked at art and went shopping for fall clothes. Halloween, in NYC, was brilliant and over the top; I went as white Pierrot clown. In Brooklyn, to Honey Dijon, we danced all night. Ralph Rucci, the American couturier reposted our photo on Instagram, calling it high-fashion, however, it was Georgi who won the night as Spock.

November I was in NYC early on, shopping with Thomas Cawson (who hooked me up with pink denim Helmut Lang), eating Christmas cookies, and being interviewed by Buzzfeed, a segment on 90s toys. I imitated a Furby. Then a week in Portland (I glow-in-the-dark-miniature-golfed), and off to Helsinki, catching up with former friends from Fab, One Nordic, Hem. Then to Lapland, with Georgi, George, and Anthony, lapping up wine, winter wonderlands, and dining on reindeer and elk. Dog sledding, snowmobiling, Northen lights! Another childhood desire checked from the list. Dinner with Michelle Case in London closed the month.

In December I went back to Berlin (my second home) and hosted a fundraiser for Single Step in our home. In one night Georgi and I helped raise $50K to help build Bulgaria’s first LGBTI center. It was also an impromptu holiday party: so many old friends together again in one room. And now Georgi and I sit in an airport lounge, awaiting our flight to Baltra, in the Galapagos. Once we land, we’ll board a 7-day cruise on a mega-yacht/small cruise ship. This, I feel, I have been waiting my entire life for.

I often write about how I was lonely as a kid. I was gay, I had a drug-addicted father, I grew up very poor. I oftentimes say music saved my life. But, I don’t write enough about the joy animals gave me too. I had so many pets: newts, turtles, tortoises, tree frogs, geckos, crabs, salamanders, etc. Caring for them, feeding them, gave me peace and allowed me to love. One turtle I had had a cracked shell. He lived in my room for many, many years. I always preferred him, with his defects, to the others. I think I feel the same about people.

As a child, I became obsessed with the Galapagos Islands, and mostly the tortoises. I would read about them in encyclopedias and race to see them at zoos. I always felt connected to turtles. They were my spirit animal. Later in life, I’d bloom, my feathers growing, my pride, alive. I’d no longer consider myself a turtle, my spirit animal changed. I told this story to my colleague Eben Sermon, who runs eBay’s German business: I always wanted to be a turtle. But I ended up a cockatoo. Eben brought this up last week in Berlin and it made me think a bit more about affinities for animals and how I have not had that connection as often as I probably should.

So this week, before we ring in New Years in Rio, I will honor the old me, the kid, the quieter Bradford, the sadder Bradford, by visiting those turtles, finally.

And I’ll marvel at the wonder of nature and evolution, both the evolution of animals and this world, and also the very real and dramatic evolution of my spirit and happiness.

Happy Holidays, Peace & Big Love

[fuckress]

I dare you to answer every single question in the "weird asks that say a lot" (tho you can decline the dare, or just answer one you really wanna answer)

me? declining a dare?? HELL NO! So buckle up, this is a long one!

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?–> coffee mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?–> hmmmmm… chocolate bars.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?–> neither really… there aren’t many stores where I can buy cotton candy just like that. So I guess bubblegum.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?–> quiet, reserved, smart. I think that’s about it.

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?–> actually cans. But I’ll settle for bottles if I can’t get cans

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?–> hm… a mix between tomboy, sportswear and formal.

7. earbuds or headphones?–> both. earbuds while on my phone and headphones while on my computer.

8. movies or tv shows?–> tv shows. Keeps me occupied for longer and I don’t have to pay attention too much.

9. favorite smell in the summer?–> that fresh breeze when at sea or ocean. Or, the smell before a thunder storm.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?–> dodgeball, along with basketball and volleyball. which doesn’t mean I’m any good at either, those were just the ones I didn’t suck as much lol

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?–> usually, I skip breakfast and have lunch. But if I want something, it’s usually a sandwich with either avocado, fish or something else.

12. name of your favorite playlist?–> uhh.. don’t really have one.

13. lanyard or key ring?–> both ^^ key ring to keep all keys i need together and a lanyard to lock them to my pants or something.

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?–> popcorn. I’m not entirely sure tbh, I’m simply eating popcorn now so that’s why it came to my mind lol

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?–> ooh, good question. hm… catcher in the rye is up there… life of pie too… killing mr griffin…. hm. most books from my english classes it seems. the german ones sucked.

16. most comfortable position to sit in?–> sitting on one leg with the other angled. it’s kinda hard to explain, I guess.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?–> gray sneakers

18. ideal weather?–> sunshine, not too warm (maybe around 25°C), with a little breeze.

19. sleeping position?–> any position and every position

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?–> either computer or mobile phone

21. obsession from childhood?–> hm. I guess drawing might be one. Other than that, I don’t think I have an obsession from back then. Maybe anime and cartoons in general, but nothing specific.

22. role model?–> don’t have one

23. strange habits?–> can’t think of anything right now..

24. favorite crystal?–> opal

25. first song you remember hearing?–> I don’t know the song titles of those, sadly. I do remember the ketchup song

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?–> either taking a walk or sleeping in the sunshine. Not really much interested in activities.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?–> sleeping..

28. five songs to describe you?–> Alone in the room by asking alexandria, haze by tessa violet, choke by i don’t know how but they found me (the vibe of the song, not much of the lyrics), bones by emily finchum, dreamin by the score

29. best way to bond with you?–> oh, there are many ways tbh. either ask me about my obsessions and if they are similar to yours, let’s talk about those for hours. or just show up and talk bullshit, I’m always up for bullshit. or let’s rant about stuff that we both hate. just. yeah. I’m really not that hard to please, if you don’t treat me like shit, we’re good.

30. places that you find sacred?–> nothing comes to mind tbh. that doesn’t mean i don’t think places shouldn’t be treated without respect.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?–> jeans, sneakers, black tanktop and a blazer. or hoodie. things I’d usually wear as well. best to kick ass and take names while wearing what you like most, right?

32. top five favorite vines?–> “two bros, chilling in a hot tub, five feet apart cause they’re not gay.”“Say Colorado!” “I’M A GIRAFFE”“THIS BITCH EMPTY! YEET!”“Shit, duck!” “Oh, cause of the duck is it?” *gets hit by a flying duck*“Cabbage, cabbage, cabbage. LETTUCE, LETTUCE, LETTUCE!”

33. most used phrase in your phone?–> yaaaaaaf, yaaaaaaaas, rip, mood, aaaaaaaaaaargh, wtf, eyyyyyyyyyyyyy, oooh, fuck, ehehehehehehe (usually after a dirty joke), yay~, yehi wasn’t able to just pick one

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?–> none. thank goodness

35. average time you fall asleep?–> maybe.. 30min?

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?–> oooh boy, I don’t remember.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?–> suitcase. They’re easier to handle

38. lemonade or tea?–> tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?–> neither.. I don’t really like cakes or pies

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?–> there was a warning of a school shooting due to some internet posts. Nothing happened at our school, but people were scared. Other than that, constant firealarms due to bullshit reasons like cooking or dust. And being late for school due to flooding and casually walking in to class with zero fucks left to give.

41. last person you texted?–> a friend who sent me a cute pic.

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?–> BOTH AND BIG ENOUGH TO FIT MY PHONE IN PLEASE

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?–> Hoodie and leather jacket.

44. favorite scent for soap?–> something fresh like lemon grass or so. Or some herbs. Nothing too sweet and no nuts

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?–> I like a lot of superhero stuff, but fantasy is up there too.

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?–> I’ll sleep in literally anything, depending on how tired and lazy I am to change.

47. favorite type of cheese?–> none

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?–> a pomegranate i think

49. what saying or quote do you live by?–> none really. More like a motto. Be the best you can be and enjoy yourself as much as possible.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?–> pfft. tons of things. i can’t possibly pinpoint one

51. current stresses?–> New job starting soon where I’m not really sure how well I’ll be able to handle it, sleep scedule is fucked, being on my own entirely with no friends nearby.. ah well.

52. favorite font?–> don’t have one

53. what is the current state of your hands?–> slight lingering pain, a bit cold, no injuries

54. what did you learn from your first job?–> my first ever job was as a waitress/barkeeper at age 14 or something. What I learned there… some people expect too much of you without helping you. And it’s ok to go away from a bad envirenment. Your own well being is most important.

55. favorite fairy tale?–> It’s either the tale of Icarus or the tale of Kunegunda. Those are actually the first ones I ever heard.

56. favorite tradition?–> hm.. don’t have one

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?–> School, College, emotional breakdowns

58. four talents you’re proud of having?–> drawing, being able to view at problems rationally and finding solutions, reading people I know, my bullshit kind of humor

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?–> Let’s get this fucking party started!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?–> slice of life. They’re the most wholesome with weird and funny friendship moments

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?–> The risk I took was calculated, but damn, am I bad at math.

62. seven characters you relate to?–> I’m too lazy to think of seven, so have one: Killua from Hunter x Hunter

63. five songs that would play in your club?–> see number 28.

64. favorite website from your childhood?–> YouTube. Well, not really childhood, but early teenage years.

65. any permanent scars?–> I have one on my forhead from an accident when I was a kid. Don’t know if other scars are permanent.

66. favorite flower(s)?–> forget-me-nots

67. good luck charms?–> a d20 dice

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?–> hm… I think I surpressed any bad memory like that. Can’t remember

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?–> brown eyes can be changed permanently blue due to some genes and pigments being linked together

70. left or right handed?–> I’m right handed

71. least favorite pattern?–> anything with huge contrasts and tons of messy lines. hurts my eyes and brain

72. worst subject?–> history. Never was good at remembering dates and years and that shit.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?–> I… don’t have any..

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?–> a 6, usually. Except if i need to do stuff or I’m trying to sleep. then a 4.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?–> I think, around the age of 9..

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?–> chips

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?–> a succulent always grew really well with me. Or cacti.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?–> Never had coffee at a gas station. I did have sushi from the grocery story, but they were never any good.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?–> driver’s licence photo

80. earth tones or jewel tones?–> jewel tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?–> wait… wat

82. pc or console?–> PC. Never had a console

83. writing or drawing?–> drawing

84. podcasts or talk radio?–> podcasts

84. barbie or polly pocket?–> I had both growing up. As a kid, barbie. later on, polly pocket.

85. fairy tales or mythology?–> why not both.

86. cookies or cupcakes?–> cookies

87. your greatest fear?–> complete darkness

88. your greatest wish?–> to manage well enough not to have to worry about anything

89. who would you put before everyone else?–> parents i guess

90. luckiest mistake?–> I bet there were so fucking many but I can’t remember right now

91. boxes or bags?–> depends. boxes for organizing stuff at home, bags for shopping and gathering things like bottles or clothes

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?–> lamps and overhead lights

93. nicknames?–> Chan

94. favorite season?–> fall

95. favorite app on your phone?–> telegram, messaging my friends and all

96. desktop background?–> a picture I made a while ago I called galaxy marbles

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?–> around 4 or so

98. favorite historical era?–> don’t have one, the all sucked

there. I did it. holy shit that was a lot.

[lim-lifeinmotion]

A story about a boy just a little bit broken

I would like to tell you a story About a boy that is broken Not by much Only just a little bit if at all You see this boy was a happy child He did normal happy child things He’d play and sing and dance Even if not very good but oh how this boy liked to play In the mud, mud pies, mud soup He liked the mud he did Stuck in the mud, mud scrub, mud bath mud, mud, mud, mud, mud He was an odd little child, Liked playing with barbie dolls, ken dolls He had no preference really And eating snails He enjoyed spending time with his friends Although mum made this difficult sometimes You see mum didnt always agree with the other mums Im sorry you cannot see them anymore But that is okay because he had plenty of other friends to play with But none were like them He felt sad and lonely Where are all my friends? This boy also loved to fish! What a thing it was Spending time with dad who he never really saw One weekend away this little boy had a new friend Of who’m he’d like to play! A new friend he thought  “I’m so happy” Mummy and daddy should we play? Allright said the little boy He knew nothing better Down his pants went I dont understand why? Touches his pee pee Nobody can touch that? But a new friend is a new friend “This is our little secret”? Okay So everynow and then They’d play mummy and daddy She was a lot older  He was only 3 he didn’t know any better He did not want her to touch his pee pee Or lick his private parts But a new friend is a new friend Will everyone be angry? So as the years went by mummy and daddy wouldn’t stop fighting To count the days when they were happy? He was young but even he could count as high as 10? It’s all your fault we fight they said Time and time again If it weren’t for you kinds we wouldn’t have these problems “I don’t want to be the problem”? How do I not be the problem? Be a better boy, listen a little more, Maybe if i stay home I can show mummy I‘m a good boy I dont want you to go away This little boy found a new friend!  Hip hip horaay He was so happy and excited A reason to wake up every day But this boy could never stay over Not for a whole night What if mummy was gone when I get home? Please take me home, I want to go home now. Once more mummy disagrees with the other mummy, I am sorry you cannot see them any more I’m sorry I’m not supposed to talk to you I have to listen to what mummy says Now they wont stop fighting, And we’re moving in with my aunty I liked her dog and her pool and her piano A few years we were happy, no more yelling at last But as this boy got older He saw his sister being yelled at Please stop fighting I don’t like to see you all cry When she was 15 she had had enough He didn’t want her to go but knew mummy would be happier if she did So she did We were happy again Daddy came home but the fighting continued Only with my other sister now It wasn’t long before she moved out  A few years into highschool You see everyone in this family Was in the top of their clases They were not dumb or stupid They weere in fact extremely smart Nerissa was good at english,

 drawing, she was also a very nice singer Tyla was good at netball and maths, she was so popular and so was nissy Ryan was good at maths and art and really enjoyed running and sports, He wasn’t the storngest but he could run and never look back But now everyone had moved out And I was again all alone The boy had no friends Although everypne knew who he was At school he’d walk and chat Bounce between groups making them smile and laugh You’re so funny ryan So many friends now! But on the weekends it was playstation and games Nobody wanted to hang out with him  Out of uniform he really didnt belong And the yelling started again His entire life he did not think it would ever be him? But im such a good boy mummy I try my best every day Until one day It was time to leave You see out of nowhere he met a boy A boy he fell in love with Someone that liked him, thought was funny and kind It’s all he’d ever wanted The boys became close They shared their first kiss Their first everything What a time to be young, to be alive He would get bullied  By the younger students Because the older ones knew his sisters Everybody loved them But they no longer went to school They both left way too young They were so smart and so popular I dont understand why? But this boy didn’t care The silly words people would say He was happy and in love He finally had a friend He started living with this boy, His family were like his own No fighting no yelling A safe and peaceful home for two years they lived together until they grew apart When you’re young you are curious There is so much to live for to see and to do He began to see the darkness again His home was gone again He had no friends The words now had power He tried but he let them in Fag they would say Push and shove him they would do In class he cried At home he died He began to wonder about death How beautiful it would be So he took the knife and made his first cut An addicion he would soon regret At first they were small On the wrist because thats were people did it right? But too many eyes saw  You cannot wear an armband all year So he took the knife and took to his thigh So much more flesh to cut I can go deeper and harder now than before This boy truly wanted to die Bloody sheets  Vodka bottles He stopped going to classes But did all his work He didnt want to be a drop out But he didnt want to go to school So in a bottle of chi he’d mix A bottle before, during and after school Nobody suspected a thing, He never wore uniform anyways He was never rude or inpolite The opposite in fact He had to be a good boy He had a job which he quit Becausee he drank and cut and cried Nothing could stop it A part of him had died So he decided he needed money Skipped a few weeks rent Was told they needed to talk So up he went and left He didnt mean to hurt them He didnt want to be a burden They found the bottles and the bloodied mess He didn’t want to make them angry So back he went “home” To the yelling and screaming The rules oh the rules Do not exist From here things fall apart and there is no more rhymes That little happy child, he was dead now, he died a long time ago and all that was left was darkness, sadness, an anti depressant shell He spent his days drinking and taking drugs and cutting himself. Nothing made sense, the only clear thing in his existance was the fact that he no longer wanted to be in this world and he made it clear that he was just waiting to die. I missed a lot out of this story, a lot of good things happened, he was so loved but honestly those memories are all but faded and bleak lost somewhere in the dpeth of the lonliness he had felt his entire lfe, the sadness, the emptiness that filled him. He was annorexic and coudln’t eat, he saw his weight go from 64 down to 48 where it would stay for some time. He met a lot of amazing guys but none felt right, none gave him that feeling that young cute boy did and no matter how hard he tried all he ended up leaving was a wake of destruction and hurt wherever he went. I could count 10 different people he ended up destroying, 2 earned the label. He never intended to hurt them, he really tried, he just wanted to feel loved, to feel something, anything at all. But never could. He sold his body for sex at the age of 17, he needed money to continue drinking and living because partying to forget was all he knew. What a messed up life this poor child had, no wonder he’s a god damn mess until the other day he knew anything bad that could have happened had happened to him, the other day when he remembered he was molested. He’s been raped by his best friend, molested when he was a child, sold for sex, beaten, thrown to the ground, abandoned on the side of the road by his parents. literally kicked out of the car at 3 or 4 years old and I just remember him standing behind the car screaming and crying, begging to let him back in. He been cheated on, drugged, ruphied, overdosed and died. He’s tried to kill himself on more occasions than I can count of both hands and both feet. He’s put himself in hospital but never once has he intentionally tried to hurt someone, Never has he ever laid another finger on another human being that he hasn’t blacked out and done in a fit of rage, childhood trauma is funny like that. I am not a bad person and I know this to be true but I feel like there is little more that life could throw at me, little more that I can have done to me because I have seen it all, been through it all and I am so angry at the world for this. For so long I see eyes that reflect the soul, I know how to play this game, I managed to trick myself into believing I was happy in order to stop myself from killing myself, you can sure as hell bet I will trick you too. When you look into my eyes and you see that pure innocent smile, that cheeky grin, the light sparking as it fills you with that infections glow. Sure some of the time it is genuine but for the most part I am just so sad and there is no way I want to put that onto anybody else, ssssssssso I will fool you into believing I am happy and so damn peaceful but my actions reflect someone so broken, so detroyed, someone that has next to no love or respect for themselves because how can I? After everything? Im working so fucking hard to make this work, to re learn the things I had stripped away from me, pice by piece, like tiny cracks forming on the glass I was constantly trying to fix and mend but like so many cracks I couldn’t keep up with the speed at which they were forming and shaterring. I became so very good at fixing them but now I am left with a broken soul, A shattered mind, a scarred body, left trying to yet again mend the pieces but she is so very tired, a life without a brake and I am ready to put the brakes on before I break because breaking is all I know how to do, breaking is what I do best but I just need a brake because it will break me otherwise. I know I am such a powerful person, I am so god damn resiliant yet still so fucking loving regardless of all this shit. I wonder sometimes how the fuck I am still here, kicking, working, moving forward trying to make a better life for myself, because with all this on a page and missing quite a lot, that is too much for one 24 years of “life”, That is too much for anyone to endure. I havent even mentioned my sisters life, how they both tried to kill themselves, “Home” was that bad that they would rather have died than exist. My youngest sisters boyfriend killed himself when she was 16 or so, she wanted to follow, had a note and the noose all ready. How much shit can life throw at somebody before it really is just starting to take the piss, I feel my life is just one big fucking joke because no way can this be real, no way can this be the reason I was put on this earth for. If there was a god why would he look at a 3 year old and smile telling him he was going to be sexually assaulted time and time again, beaten and abused for the rest of his 25 years in the world. How fucking dare you. How fucking dare you. This may seem like I am asking for pity but that I do not want, I don’t need your sympathy because it makes no god damn difference o me, It doesnt change the chemicals in my brain, it doesn’t give me a reason to get up in the morning or give me comfort in bed at night. I want you to know how fucking cruel this life has been and why I am so god damn fuking messed up in the deepest and darkest way possible. “Why” is the big question of endless possibilities but this is one of those reasons, one of the many possibilies, the endless ways my life could have gone and destiny looked at me and chose this path for me. Fuck you, Just fuck you and your bullshit lenses about flowers and fairies, I grew up with the monsters under my bed, the headless horseman was my ride through hell and back, Samara was my pen pall and nobody was there for me in the end to protect me, I can’t even protect me, I can’t say no to people so I just close my eyes, pretend to be enjoying it and let it happen. Fuck you Unedited rant because fuck reading this to edit its way too fucking much

[voidsettle]

Warm Flanders

Indulging our traveling desire and continuing the newly developed tradition of European Christmas markets, we bought tickets to Belgium. This trip had its peculiarities - and a unique aftertaste. Welcome to the capital of Europe!

Panorama of Bruges from Belfry (I assume, the point where Brendan Gleeson's character jumps off in the movie 'In Bruges'

I don't know how we chose Belgium - but it all started with just Brussels, and then grew to another three towns. I suspect we may have a psychological condition.

After Brussels, Bruges was an obvious addition to the trip. Possibly the most well-known of tourist destinations in Belgium, it features a well-preserved medieval town so quaint like it crawled out of a fairy tale.

The movie 'In Bruges' (a nice piece of popularized arthaus) added to the fame of the place. The town in this flick is a character of its own - it serves as the premise and the plot twist, it helps to make hard choices and aids the protagonist. Besides, the film has gorgeous cast. Seriously, look it up if you've never seen it - or rewatch if you have.

Being in Belgium (and, more importantly, its northern part, Flanders - probably the most history-heavy region), I absolutely had to see Antwerp. Ghent was a curious little addition that we didn't plan - but that happened between Bruges and Antwerp just because we had time and opportunity. Stay tuned for more.

Brussels: Art and Chocolate

Rue de la Chaufferette/Lollepotstraat, LGBTQ art street in the inner City of Brussels

Brussels is a weird city. Commonly I enjoy places that don't mind you roaming the streets (think Rome, Bangkok, New York). Brussels is however different. It etched into my memory as grey and rainy (I barely got a chance to snap a photo), and multifaceted to the point of utter incomprehensibility.

That is partly on national communities. Our free-tour guide mused on the immigration agenda of the city: nearly 80% of the current population (first and second generations) are not native to Belgium. The city, being the administrative and political center of Europe, is the very definition of a cultural melting pot.

Only a day before we arrived, French workers had a strike against ever-growing prices - thus all of Brussels was covered in barricades (not sure about the name, but something like Cheval de frise or knife-rest (aka Spanish rider) obstacles; all cold metal and barbwire, brutal).

But Brussels also flaunts its historic heritage and celebrates its art. The whole city is covered in street art - most notably scenes and characters from comics and statements in favor of LGBTQ community. Street decorations and overhead lamps of different designs and splendor turn the city into an exhibition of light.

Altmejd, 2015. Musees royaux des Beaux-Arts de Belgique/Koninklijke Musea voor Schone Kunsten van Belgie

The more traditional artistry is spread within the cluster of museums of Mont des Arts/Kunstberg, most notably the Royal Museu of Fine Arts that features both old masters (David, Rembrandt, Rubens - and a whole hall and Google-partnered tour program dedicated to Bruegel) and new masters (some of my beloved Impressionists including Van Gogh, Serat, Gaugin, and a couple of Rodins). Another pearl, Magritte's museum is just down the stairs.

We've also followed one of the most bizarre quests I've ever had, looking for all three pissing monuments of Brussels - the symbol-status Manneken Pis, his female version Jeanneke Pis and a non-fountain canine variation Het Zinneke. Belgian people are weird.

We had some hysterical fun trying to decipher one of the ads on a bus stop. It claimed certain Subea was the best gift for your loved ones on Christmas. Passersby undoubtedly believed us crazy as we tried to identify the thing - and never came close to guessing. Look it up, it's hilarious.

Blue street art, Brussels

Built on the time-tested principles of trading cities, Brussels preserves the tradition of market squares. In early December, the downtown is covered in Christmas towns and motley crowds, framed in softly shimmering lights. It's full of flavors of waffles with cream, and frites, and gluhwein, and seafood, and sausages.

Brussels is full of cyclists (even more so than Copenhagen), full of churches, and homeless, and nationalities - cuisines, skin tones, languages. The signs duplicated in French and Dutch do not help location purposes in any significant way.

Nevermind the confusing feelings I developed for Brussels, there is one thing I should mention with firm praise - chocolate. Walk the streets and have a cup of hot chocolate - it's literally chocolate of your choice melted in hot milk. Eat warm Liege waffles topped with chocolate and cream. Buy a set of (regular) chocolate boxes with discount - or pay a visit to Galeries Royales Saint-Hubert to learn about chocolate as art. It's expensive, yes, but oh is it worth every cent!

Break a chocolate bar of preference - dark works best - into pieces, add to the cup and pour with hot milk. Stir until it melts. Enjoy the taste of Belgium.

St Michael and Gudula Cathedral, Brussels

What to see in Brussels:

Grand Place

Brussels Town Hall

Residence of the Dukes of Brabant

Maison du Roi/Broodhuis

Manneken Pis

Jeanneke Pis

Het Zinneke

Bourse/Beurs (stock exchange)

Galleries Royales Saint-Hubert

St Michael and Gudula Cathedral

chapelle de la Madeleine/Magdalenakapel

Mont des Arts/Kunstberg

Musees royaux des Beaux-Arts de Belgique/Koninklijke Musea voor Schone Kunsten van Belgie (Musee Oldmasters, Musee Magritte, musical instruments museum)

Royal Palace

Parc de Bruxelles/Warandepark

eglise Notre-Dame au Sablon/Onze-Lieve-Vrouw ten Zavelkerk

eglise royale Sainte-Marie/Koninklijke Sint-Mariakerk

National Basilica of the Sacred Heart

Atomium

Royal Palace of Laeken

Bruges: The Belfry and the Waffle Houses

Rozenhoedkaai, Bruges

Belgian capital is the least Flemish city among those I've visited. Bruges, on the other hand, seems to bear the imprint of one of the richest regions of medieval Europe. The town is neat and cute, full of waffle houses with stair-step facades, all red brick and yellowish stone. The streets are carefully crafted and well-groomed; they stretch in slow curves, and the houses crowding each side chant their stories to the tourists in a never-ending lullaby.

Houses plaster all over each other - it feels like each street has only one building that was actually constructed with 4 walls. The rest figured 'hey, here's a perfectly good empty wall right there, with nothing attached, why not stick to the side'.

The whole country is like that, one of the signature traits of Belgium, alongside angry cyclists and painted waffle houses.

Before walking to the main attraction (Belfry, naturally), we've decided to have a glass of beer in Halve Maan, one of the oldest breweries in town. We were pleasantly surprised by the sleepy emptiness, the fireside couches and craft beer (I've never had an 11° beer before, it felt almost as a shot of whiskey). In a slumbery, sheepish haze we walked around the Minnewaterpark with its swans and gardens dipped in green moisture.

Minnewaterpark. After the rainy, grey-ish Brussels, Bruges met us with sun-through-the-clouds and warmth worthy of mid-October. I finally got out my camera and snapped my way through the cute medieval city

The territory of Bruges is covered in canals - no wonder it's called the small Venice of the North, and the centuries-old architecture covers the town in a romantic blur. Even the long queues of Belfry (one person in, one out, and around half a hundred waiting for their turn) didn't disturb our dreamy mood. The view from above maps the whole town on the palm of your hands, and the stone parapet is covered in numbers and names of cities with arrows pointing the direction.

Carillon, a fascinating musical instrument that has several dozen bells connected to play melodies. The Belfry carillon plays a different melody every quarter of an hour

Belfry is gorgeous at sunset, especially observed from Grote Markt - towering, starkly contrasted against the fading skies.

Bruges is probably best-known for its streets - after you've seen the main attractions, there's no clear itinerary, but just wander around and get lost in the medieval brick labyrinth. You can visit the old windmills - each with its own unique name - and the corner of Groenerei, which is less romantic in winter but still a nice place for a romantic rendezvous. Or just roam the streets and inhale the ambiance of this old town that looks like it jumped straight out of a fairytale with enchanted castles, simplistic plotline where good always conquers evil and a set of enjoyably cardboard characters.

Sometimes it's fun to experience something so far from real life. Can't disagree with the philosophic view of Fiennes's character from 'In Bruges'.

What to see in Bruges:

Kasteel de la Faille

Sashuis

Minnewaterpark

Sint-Janshospitaal-Memlingmuseum

St Salvator's cathedral

Church of Our Lady (featuring Michelangelo's Madonna met Kind)

Bonifaciusbrug

the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Rozenhoedkaai (the most photographed spot in Bruges)

't Brugse Vrije

City Hall

Basilique du Saint-Sang

Brugge markt

Belfry and Market Halls

Provinciaal Hof

Jan Breydel en pieter de Coeninck memorial

St James's church

Jan Van Eyck memorial

windmills (de Coelewey, de Nieuwe Papegaai, Sint Janshuismolen, Bonne Chiere)

Sint-Annakerk

Gronerei

Train Tales

​Belgium is unexpectedly bad at doing trains. We heard the first bell as we tried to get out of Brussels. The Northern train station has a clear division between two worlds. The ground floor belongs to hobos and (most probably) unemployed immigrants - this is the world of half-light, scary coughs and little noises, empty food wrappings, garbage, people wrapped in multiple layers of dirty blankets and coats. The upper floors are obviously European, well-lit, with shops, 24/7 information desks and wending machines. The contrast is so stark that it's frightening.

(Under)ground floors of Antwerpen-Centraal

Yet this was but a warning. For some unknown reason, the schedule of Belgian trains is really complicated - we couldn't make sense of it using just timetables and scoreboards. This was a shock for me specifically - I just went to Italy a month prior, where I didn't even need to talk to anyone to understand where to buy tickets and how to get from point A to point B.

Obviously we were not alone confused by the whole system - by the machine selling tickets, a nice lady was spending her working hours explaining stupid tourists how this works. She offered us a ticket we didn't consider - it could take us to 10 destinations (we needed 6, and decided to spend 2 more for a short detour to Ghent before Antwerp; profit).

The complications started when we failed to notice the class of the coach we were boarding. Truth to be told, there was a number '1' on the side - but the inside didn't look any different from second class, so I'm not sure what's the deal. 10 minutes into the ride, a railway employee walked in and aggressively started to demand extra payment to 'upgrade' our tickets - about 10 euro per person. None of us were allowed to leave the first class coach for the second.

The thing about that whole situation was: of all the people in the coach, only one woman was aware of its first class status. The rest were bewildered and looked like lost tourists (some of us surely were) who forgot to check the number on the side of the carriage. Which, frankly, didn't feel like the people's fault. A Spanish family nearly started a brawl with the guy - which earned my compassion but also a portion of solid mirth.

Hilarious experience - but also quite frustrating. Not too fond of Belgian train system.

Ghent: The Castle and the Histrionic Weather

Gravensteen, Ghent

I didn't expect this short detour would turn out this satisfying. Don't get me wrong, there's not much to do in Ghent in the evening. In a manner traditional for the whole country, life dies away after 6PM. As nightfall covers the streets, the shops and restaurants close, and the whole city seems deserted. There are some late passersby, some groups of youth and random tourists but they're not common, especially further from downtown.

But the architecture is spectacular nonetheless. Korenmarkt (basically, central square) with Church of Saint Nicholas is the heart of the city. The sites are mostly all on the same line - Stadhuis Gent and Belfort, Saint Bavo cathedral and a couple of nearby 'palaces' that were actually residences of (very) wealthy merchants, and Saint Michael's church on the other side of Korenmarkt, across the Leie river.

It was enjoyable to just wander the empty streets quite aimlessly, bumping into architectural sites curious things here and there

Gravensteen is exactly the prototype you imagine when someone says 'a castle'. It's the type of medieval structure you drew as a kid, with the battlements and turrets. This is where a valiant knight came to rescue a fair maiden from an evil king. It's The Ultimate Castle.

In yet another plot twist, the weather in Ghent was unpredictably fun. It made us giggle at its hysterical fits.

Rain, wind and damp autumnal warmth changed each other in bizarre epileptic seizures.

One moment, it decided to rain - and the downpour started as soon as we opened our umbrellas. 2 minutes later it all stopped as if nothing happened. Ten minutes passed - and terrible gusts of wind that nearly knocked us down. Sure enough, soon it was warm and mellow again. Best advice when the weather is in such a theatrical mood: keep an umbrella with you at all times.

The walk from the city center to the train station is quite long, about an hour. But at least the building of the train station is worth exploring - it has great inner decorations all over the ceiling that imitate medieval style. Outside, by the largest bike parking I've seen after Copenhagen's sleeping districts, a sad man was playing his wistful sax; there seems to be something about Belgium and saxophones.

What to see in Ghent:

Korenmarkt (basically, central square)

Church of Saint Nicholas

Saint Michael's church

Gravensteen

Stadhuis Gent

Belfort

Saint Bavo cathedral

Antwerp: The Train Station and the Sky

Antwerpen-Centraal Train Station, Antwerp

After the grey cold rain of Brussels and the crazy run of tourist-packed Bruges and (devastatingly) empty Ghent, Antwerp was all sunshine and warmth. Easily the most enjoyable time I've had in Belgium.

Antwerp is a mild, soft city, quite self-indulgent - it has less tourists than either Brussels or Bruges - and completely immersed in its own thoughts. Traces of the eternal, undying energy that preserves big cities can be found everywhere.

First things first, we went to see the jewel of Antwerp's sightseeing itinerary - Antwerpen-Centraal, the main train station of the city. It has 4 floors, with trains arriving on each of them - it is really impressive, especially as the whole structure is sunlit through the ribbed glass roof and the underground floors are dipped in orange-and-purple lights, the true impressionist study of light and color.

Antwerp has a clear itinerary, as if the city was built with the idea of easy navigation in mind. Starting from Antwerpen-Centraal and past the diamond district, the shopping streets of Antwerp start and run right to the heart of the city, Grote Markt. The walk there is short if one ignores the detour sites like the beautiful neoclassical Bourla theater with round-ish colonnade façade, the house of Rubens turned museum, the oldest house in Antwerp build circa 1480, completely wooden and still inhabited, or the baroque St Charles Borromeo church, which simplistic interior is decorated with astonishing woodwork.

The notorious diamond district of Antwerp is located right beside the train station. History has it that it all started with shops opening here so that rich people coming to Antwerp to buy diamonds could keep their incognito and leave as soon as the deal was sealed, without the need to visit the town.

Grote Markt and the nearby Groenplaats are connected with a short street that features another pearl of Antwerp, the Cathedral of Our Lady. This majestic Gothic temple is narrowly surrounded by the old houses of trading guilds glued to its every side. You cannot actually see the side walls of the Cathedral (which is another trademark feature of Flemish towns - a dead giveaway that trade was of utmost importance, and that secular and religious matters were closely connected).

Grote Markt itself looks just like other main squares in Belgium - a lot of space adapted for Christmas markets during this time of year, crowded by waffle houses with gilded statues and inscriptions dating back to the Autumn of the Middle Ages, and towering Brabantine Gothic spire, the cynosure of the city.

Stroh violin player. Stroviol is a popular instrument of street musicians, seen all over Flanders

The next thing I was agitated to see was Sint-Annatunnel - a 1/2 km tunnel under the riverbed, fully built for walking on foot, riding on bicycles and even for motorized vehicles. The escalators are wood-paneled and lacquered, the photos on the walls tell the history of construction of the tunnel as one descends.

Quay along river Scheldt, shipyard and windmills

On our way to MAS, we've taken a turn into the Antwerp red lights district. As I was quite shamelessly staring at the girls (literally) displayed in the windows, my friend surprised me, hilariously paying attention to some nesting boxes on a random tree instead. Some way to explore the city.

Don't miss on the chance to visit MAS museum. For a tourist, it's a golden opportunity: free entrance to the rooftop with stunning night panorama of Antwerp lights. From up above, the lights on the windmills twinkle red, painting an ominous image in the night skies. The walls of the interior are covered with posters of modern art (sometimes inspiring, sometimes hilarious, sometimes frightening). Besides, MAS is open till 10 PM, a rare case for Belgium.

MAS pays the oddest homages, and one of them is to Harry Potter franchise: the building features floor 9 and 1/2.

While on the roof of MAS, the pragmatism and commercial genes of Flemish people deliver nothing but pure delight. The nearby houses host advertisements for the visitors of the museum: cafes and restaurants ornament their awnings with offers of hot drinks and rich meals.

What to see in Antwerp:

Antwerpen-Centraal

diamond block

Leysstraat 32-34 and 27 (twin buildings)

Meir (shopping street)

Rubenshuis

Bourlaschouwburg

Boerentoren

Sint-Carolus Borromeuskerk

Groenplaats

Cathedral of Our Lady

Grote Markt

Brabo fountain

Stadhuis Antwerpen

Het Steen and Lange Wapper memorial

Sint-Annatunnel

Stoelstraat 11 (the oldest house of Antwerp)

Sint-Pauluskerk

Schipperskwartier (red lights district)

MAS museum (rooftop viewpoint)

What to eat:

chocolate (in all forms, whether it's box of finest pralines, a chocolate bar, or a cup of hot chocolate)

waffles (fillings vary; I personally prefer dark chocolate and whipped cream. Belgian people however have plain waffle with sugar powder)

beer (one of the oldest and most important produces of the region; brewing beer is fine art here)

frites (basically French fries, but don't call them that - it's offensive, given the fact they were not invented in France; the locals still hold their grudge over the matter)

mussels (Brussels specialty, usually go with frites on the side)

Flanders As It Is

Wandelterras Noord, quay of Antwerp, near Sint-Annatunnel. The sun gave us its last warmth of the day as we strolled along the Antwerp quay, the dark silhouettes of seagulls scattering sunbeams as we scared them off the railings

The towns of Flanders are easily recognizable. The main square is always called 'Grote Markt'; the combination of a cathedral (usually of Our Lady), a stadhuis and a belfry impending over the town is mandatory. Old houses of stone (and sometimes even wood), with stepped roofs and intricate ornaments. Waffles and chocolate on every corner, infinite varieties of beer in any pub. Add cyclists during the day or bicycle parking at night, cobblestone streets, a culture co-depending with trade - and you have a perfect portrait of a Flemish city.

It was a little vacation we all need from time to time - not spectacular but fun, warm and surprisingly full of color in this grim, gray time of the year.