#lowkey forgot what my planned storyline for this

[lxkeeeee]

Epiphany

Venti x Male! Dendro Archon! Reader

Prologue

My horrible attempt of rewriting my old Venti x Dendro Archon Reader fic 'Stolas' and make it follow canon storyline as possible with canon characters and events. I'll also remove some nsfw scenes because I didn't like it (past me was very horny okay)

I'll try to add some of my og ideas to it too.

Please don't expect to much for me to actually completely follow the timeline because I don't remember much of the lore and I don't have the energy to dive into it TvT

Also romance is kinda fast paced? I really like the "I fell in love with you at first sight" and "he fell first but they fell harder" trope idk why.

Sorry for the horrible grammar, English isn't my first language. And sorry for the spelling mistakes, I'm too lazy to check this. Maybe I need a beta reader? Nah, no beta. We die like men.

Anyways!

For the prologue, I won't be using [y/n] to refer to you yet, since the timeline is still after the archon war.

Warnings: mentions of war, blood, and death. Fem-aligned dni.

Epiphany

(n.) A moment when you suddenly feel that you understand, or suddenly become conscious of something that is very important to you.

Thousand of years ago, after the Archon War...

"Barbatos." A masculine yet silky voice softly calls out.

Barbartos, the newly crowned Archon of Anemo looked behind him to see his dearest friend Stolas, the newly crowned Archon of Dendro. Barbatos' grin widened to see him. As of now, the Seven newly crowned Archons are gathered in one setting, celebrating the end of an era and welcoming a new one—one without war and chaos, one without bloodshed.

Barbatos knew the Dendro Archon only during the war, the God of Dendro actually offered to help him and his friend take down Decarabian when he was still a wind spirit and he was suspicious of him at first but the God of Dendro assured them that he isn't doing this for cruel motive, he simply wanted to form bonds with other nations to offer assistance during the war.

“I can't offer much but I believe that knowledge is power."

Is what the Archon of Wisdom have said back in the day, Stolas provided them with numerous knowledge when it comes to strategies, medicine, weapons, and more.

With the resistance's will and along with the knowledge the Dendro Archon shared to them, they emerged victorious.

Unfortunately, many lives were lost. Including Himmel—Barbatos' dear friend.

Barbatos wanted to personally thank the God of Wisdom but unfortunately Sumeru was far too away from Mondstadt. He opt to let the wind deliver his message instead. The shock on his face when Stolas replied via through flora—specifically through his very own windwheel aster. He almost fell into the pond in windrise when the flower just started talking, only to realize the familiar voice of the God of Wisdom. They talked about the war, Himmel's death, how he took the form of his friend.

Eventually they exchange messages through the flora and fauna around them.

Suddenly, the Anemo God didn't hear anything about his dear friend for a long time.

It made him worry, He just shook his head and dismissed the horrible thoughts.

Many years went by, and not once did he heard from Stolas. A part of him thought that he perished during the war.

A part of his heart ached with the thought, whether he admits it or not, he found the God of Wisdom to be quite charming. He often finds himself thinking about him.

Stolas on the other hand, he was very busy with his own nation. He wanted to update Barbatos on how he's been but he didn't find the time to.

He also wanted to focus finding a way to create a replacement for him. He can feel his power being drained.

Not only that, he has to protect his own nation from the corrupt gods, fortunately, he had his own protectors. Which were originally wandering spirits that were killed during their human life.

Those spirits promised their loyalty to him and to the people of Sumeru.

The war has ended, 7 Gnosis were given to the Victors.

Barbatos' heart still ached for the loss of his friends, Himmel, Amos, and Stolas.

Only to have his eyes widen when seeing a familiar figure at the Venue he was going for the celebration.

Their eyes met and grin immediately etched into the God of Dendro's face.

"Well, well~ If it isn't Barbatos." Stolas mused and Barbatos swore his heart skipped a beat when he heard the familiar charming voice.

Nevertheless, he just gave a grin on his own.

"If it isn't the God of Dendro~ I thought you might have kicked the bucket a long time ago." He joked and Stolas can only laugh, Barbatos' heart skipping a beat once more.

"I apologize for not keeping in touch with you sooner Barbatos, I was simply busy with my own nation."

Barbatos pouted, "Well, good thing you're still alive then! I was really worried you know?" He says as he placed his hands on his hips.

The God of Wisdom just simply let out a laugh, the scene putting the Anemo Archon in a trance.

"Beautiful..." Barbatos softly says, clearly unaware of what he is saying. Stolas' laugh immediately pausing as his cheeks became dusted with pink.

"What?"

"What?"

They both say at the same time before they looked away from each other.

"Shall we go inside? The others might be waiting for us." Barbatos nervously suggested and Stolas just gave a small cough before composing himself, "Yes, we shall."

It's been many years after the Archon War, civilizations have now recovered after that event.

But it seems not everyone managed to recover.

Barbatos, the God of Anemo is currently sitting on top of the many fallen structures of old Mondstadt, his heart skipped when he heard a familiar voice called out to him.

"Barbatos..." A voice softly calls out.

"Ah! If it isn't Stolas, I'm surprised you visit..." His voice dying in end when he saw the figure of his dearest friend.

The Dendro Archon, who used to be so bright, so alive.... Now looks so pale, and weak. The once bright [e/c] eyes have turned dull.

Barbatos immediately rushes to his side, immediately supporting the tall male, who can barely stand.

"Oh my Archons! What happened Stolas?!" Barbatos worriedly ask as carefully placed the tired Dendro Archon into one of the newly sprouted tree inside the the room they were in.

"I may have overused my power a bit, thankfully I can still recover..." Stolas nervously says as he let out a weak chuckle.

"Sumeru would have a new God soon, I god created personally by me."

Barbatos can only look at the Dendro archon flabbergasted.

He knows how smart and wise the Dendro Archon is but to to entirely create a new God?

"I cannot simply leave my people without a ruler, not during the time where they are vulnerable."

Barbatos caress the soft cheeks of the other male, making the said male chuckle.

"I'll be asleep for awhile, will you still be there when I wake up?" Stolas softly asks, eyes beginning to drop. Barbatos simply chuckle.

"Of course~ Dream of me would you?"

This time it was you who chuckle, "If my dreams are all about you, perhaps I wouldn't want to wake up." Stolas teased, eyes already fully closed, good thing for Barbatos because his pale cheeks are dusted with red.

Barbatos playfully scoffed, "Despite being weak to the brink of passing out, you still have the strength to flirt."

You chuckled, "Goodnight Barbatos." He softly says and Barbatos noticed the roots of the fauna and flora around them began to wrap around the now sleeping Archon, as if it's embracing him.

Barbatos smiled, "Goodnight Stolas, sleep well and dream of me."

Previous | Next

Me rn:

[wikiangela]

finally getting to Lone star 4x09 😂 I've been watching the episodes days late recently lol

(but 4x09 - BEST episode this season so far hands down, and possibly one of my faves ever, it was so fucking good)

thoughts and spoilers under the cut

aww Marjan's coming back??? yaaay I'm so excited 😍

idk why but all the joking etc in this scene feels kinda awkward and cringe and lowkey almost forced...? 😂 idk, maybe it's just me, it just feels weird 😂

awww Marjan is such a good person fr, she cares soooo much 🥺 she's amazing

ngl I didn't think we'd stick with the Grant and Kiley storyline for more than one episode, but it looks like he's... going after Marjan or something? 😬 it's exciting but also worrying (and I just realized I either didn't watch the promo or forgot everything about it bc I have no idea where we're going 😂)

Owen freaking out about the party is so funny lmao - I'm gonna say it once more: Rob Lowe is SO GOOD in comedic roles

oh shit Marjan 😱😱 and she was in the car that caused that family to crash oh my god 😱 oh I feel so bad 😰😰

and of course Grant is fine 🙄 I really want him to die tbh

seeing Marjan like this is literally making me tear up 😭 she's such a good person and this is what she gets for it, that's so not fair 😭

oh my god Mouse is the only one who survived?!??? 💔😭 are you kidding me, I wasn't prepared to be hit in the feels like this tonight oh god - and she's blaming herself noooo baby 🥺😭

I'm crying - they gave me a hurt Marjan and a little girl who just lost her best friend, and they broke me 😭

thank god they all know Marj so well and are so worried - and thank god for Grace always being the best 😭

I knew it was gonna happen but it still surprised - RIP Rick, he was just trying to help jfc

Grant needs to fucking die, get his annoying face off my screen 😠

OH SHIT and she got shot too???! don't fucking do this to me oh my god 😭 I cannot handle this

Mouse is fucking awesome, I'm praying she doesn't get hurt (and that Marjan will be fine)

my hear is breaking fr, my poor Marjan 😭💔

this episode is fucking good

the best this season so far, hands down

Marjan's a damn hero and they need to save her 😭😭😭

and, again, Mouse is fucking amazing fr

oh my god they're so close to her!!

they came for her and they're so close and she hears them and I'm fucking crying 😭

omg she has the flare gun is she gonna use it?!! YAAAAS!!! SHE KILLED HIM!! THAT'S MY GIRL! ❤️😍😍

omg is Mouse not really there??? did she die? what the fuck??? oh they got me with her fr

okay, I need to take a moment for Carlos in glasses and TK sleeping while hugging Carlos' arm because that's too adorable 😍 😂 look at them 🥺😍

wait what the fuck, so Mouse and that family were never in this car crash?! why are you messing with my emotions like this oh my god

oh my god Mouse was Marjan

oh my god

this makes it so much better and so much sadder

oh my god what

I'm literally sobbing 😭

her mom calls her mouse 😭😭😭

OH MY GOD THAT WAS SOOOO GOOD!!!

Mouse was Marjan!!! (lowkey crying bc she still feels guilty for that crash 😭) that was a twist I didn't see coming but it makes so much sense oh my god

it was Marjan's episode Natacha did an amazing job fr - I was a sobbing mess by the end of it

I love how this episode finally felt like they're all a family, you know, planning the party bc Marjan was coming back, and immediately knowing that something's wrong bc not showing up or not having her phone on is so unlike her - they know her so well 😭 - and they all worked together to save her and it was amazing

and Marjan!!! she basically saved herself, while barely able to walk, bleeding from her head and then after being shot???! she's so fucking strong and badass and amazing

(and I said multiple time that Mouse was amazing, which means - Marjan is SO fucking amazing)

and I love that we got at least a little bit of her backstory, about her family dynamics, with her parents not coming to her games etc (while Tommy sat through three hours of ballet, bless her soul, ballet sucks 😂)

I need an episode like that for every single one of them (but maybe with less near-death experiences pls 😂)

I literally loved it SO MUCH - it might be one of my faves episodes of this show ever tbh, so good (and to think my stupid ass wanted to drop this show two episodes ago wtf bitch lmao)

it was amazing, I need time to process lmao

[lovely--lover]

Hellfire Club Things

Just my thoughts on the Hellfire Club members and there role in the club 😊 thank you for the idea @sat-nam-saint​ 

Eddie Munson

🔥The leader of course!! Bosses everyone around and tells them what to do and they listen because they all look up to him

🔥Takes credit for the creation of Corroded Coffin but it was totally Gareth's idea. Gareth was like we should start a band 😊 and Eddie said no that's stupid and like 2 weeks later Eddie was like we should start a band 😊 and ta da Corroded Coffin was made

🔥Loves to DM because he gets to do different voices and be dramatic the entire time (and he gets to control the story)

🔥Asked his uncle to build him the D&D table because the one the school gave wasn't big enough. He and his Uncle stayed late at the school for a week building it.

🔥Gives all the members a ride home when it rains because if they were sick they couldn't make game night but its actually because he loves them or whatever 🙄 lol

Gareth

🔥 All I can say is poor Gareth 😔

🔥Gareth is the Hellfire Club pickle trash can. If its cheeseburger day at school there will be a small pile of pickles on his tray and the other members won’t let him leave until they're gone.

🔥“Gareth this smells weird...eat it” “Gareth I saw a spider in this box.....stick your hand in it” “Gareth there’s something on your shirt.....got you!”

🔥Eddie throws dice at him when he’s mad

🔥 Watches romance movies and tried to talk about it with the club and everyone was like "Shut up Gareth" 🙄

🔥What I’m saying is Gareth cant catch a break!! 

Jeff

🔥He is the most ‘normal’ member of the group (his name is literally Jeff)

🔥Sets up study sessions for Gareth and Eddie. Eddie will not study at all and raid his pantry. Gareth will study for a little before joining Eddie and eating all of Jeffs food and playing his games. (And yes Jeff’s mom does yell at him because were does all the food keep going she just went grocery shopping 🙄)

🔥Secretly loves to bake and occasionally brings them to Hellfire Club and says his mom made them 

🔥Washes his Hellfire Club shirt by itself because he doesn't want it to accidently get ruined

🔥When the club name was being created he suggest Dice Dudes and Eddie was like I’ll hurt you don't say that ever again

Dustin Henderson

🔥 Watches romance movies and talks about them with Gareth in secret (he wants Eddie to think he's cool 🥺)

🔥Argues about the accuracy of fighting techniques in D&D

🔥When the other members need help with homework they immediately go to Dustin because he is the smartest of them all!

🔥Brags about having an amazing girlfriend Suzie to all the other members! And tries to give them dating and love advice since he is so experienced lol

🔥Always tells Eddie how he should continue the campaign and what should happen next. Writes out detailed documents to Eddie about different storylines

Mike Wheeler

🔥 Designated Hellfire Club spider killer. Everyone else is too baby but Mike is like whatever 🙄 stomps on it

🔥Puts up with the foolery because he likes D&D

🔥 Also is the foolery because he always comes late and unprepared to sessions. No dice, no pencil, character sheet? Must of left it at home

🔥Forgets Gareth's name so he’s always like “Hey....you!” because he doesn't want to ask and later on Dustin is like “You forgot his name again huh?”

🔥Honestly is there for the vibes and Dustin 

Lucas Sinclair

🔥What do you think 🙄

🔥(Before the betrayal) He would always forget to wear his Hellfire Club shirt

🔥Whenever something was up high or out of reach the other members would always ask Lucas to grab it

🔥The most reasonable D&D player and make everyone wait while he plans out the different scenarios that could happen and everyone is like omg hurry up!

Erica Sinclair

🔥Everyone is lowkey scared of Erica (as they should be 😌)

🔥Puts everyone in their place when they're out of line

🔥 Tells Eddie his hair is as bad as his DM skills when he gets on her nerves which is often

🔥 Gareth asked her about My Little Pony once and she was like get the hell away from me now!

Freak 1

🔥He’s there to laugh at Eddies jokes and hype him up basically

🔥 Chronic cheese dust fingers 

🔥I do not know this man sorry if he’s your babe or whatever lol

Masterlist

[versadies]

childe with prompt 10: Photo in my mind (?) angst ?? :00 i dont really have ideas (ahhh, im sorry) but all i can ask for is angst

— BURN THE WORLD FOR ME, a drabble

penpal: ask and you shall receive! hope this is angsty enough for you hehe

prompt: angst | ten, when they reminisce the time when the other used to be alive.

pairing/s: childe x gn!reader (soulmate!au)

warning/s: cursing, mentions of death, fire, spoilers on archon quest chapter 1: act 1-3 and childe’s story chapter

sypnosis: an au whereas you can see colors after seeing your soulmate for the first time. childe never expected himself to meet his soulmate so fast — yet the moment he met you, he fell hard.

note: quick heads up that this takes place during and after childe’s story chapter! i also changed some minor stuff in the storyline of the archon quest for the sake of this fanfic.

the stars have never looked so beautiful.

he knew he shouldn’t be using his foul legacy too much— but he couldn’t help it. he’d rather fight thousands of ruin guards than get his little brother, teucer, hurt from them. besides, 10 seconds isn’t enough for his regular and delusion form alone.

he thought he was done for the moment he went out from dottore’s lab, not having enough energy to go back to the harbor.

but then someone came.

“oh my god, are you okay?!” childe tried to look at his savior, breathing heavily as the fatigue washed over him and caused him to lay down in pain, staring up at the night sky.

he wondered what the sky would look like with colors.

it felt like the universe listened to his wonders. the moment he saw (e/c) eyes staring at his, colors vividly came in his vision.

you look at him with your eyes widened, now seeing colors as well.

who knew your soulmate’s eyes was so beautiful?

“it’s you,” childe breathed out, smiling weakly as his vision blurred. “i’m glad i get to see you before i die.” your breath hitched at what he said and immediately brought your bag out. “i’m not letting you die.” you swore, bringing out healing materials.

before he could ask what you were doing, he instantly blacked out.

“...care to tell me why you aren’t touching your food?” you ask in amusement as childe laughs nervously.

fuck, he forgot that he can’t use chopsticks.

“i forgot that i’m uh, allergic to the food.” he lied, scratching the back of his neck with a cheeky smile.

you furrowed your eyebrows. “didn’t you order that as your... usual? unless i misheard it.” well shit, now he’s even more embarrassed.

as childe tries to think of another excuse, you laughed. “relax, childe.” you said as you slowly grab his food with your chopsticks. “it’s alright that you don’t use chopsticks, not everyone in teyvat follows liyue’s customs.”

the harbinger looks at you in confusion as you reach out his food to him with your chopsticks, causing you to give him a “seriously?” look. “i’m trying to feed you, dummy. now say ah,”

if childe haven’t fell in love with you back then, he is now.

“who knew my soulmate would be so sweet.” he commented before opening his mouth, causing you to shove the food in his mouth.

as you two enjoy your night, you lowkey wondered how the hell your lover managed to eat for the past weeks of his stay in liyue.

“and where do you think you’re going, hm?” you cheekily smiled at childe as you slowly turn around from the front door to see your lover.

“i was going with aether and paimon to visit an old friend of mine who resides in wangshu inn, apparently he wanted to see me after so long.” childe then pouted. “and you weren’t planning on telling me?” he asked.

you smile apologetically. “i’m sorry childe, i was so busy making food for them that i forgot.” you explained, wrapping your arms around him.

childe lovingly hugs you back, still pouting playfully. “i forgive you but i’m hurt.” you rolled your eyes at him and pulled away, much to his dismay. “i’ll make it up to you when i get back.” you said.

“nuh uh, don’t you dare think i’m letting you go out there on your own.” you look at childe with raised eyebrow as you watch him summoning his weapon and open the front door. “you’re going with me?” you asked.

“who else would be there to protect you on your way there? besides, aether and paimon will probably be distracted and leave you alone... and i’ve been itching for a fight.” he then steps aside, giving you space to go through the door. “now are you going with me or not?”

you sighed and surrendered. “alright, alright— i guess aether and paimon won’t mind your company. just stay somewhere while i’m with my old friend. he’s shy around new people.” you said before walking out from your home with childe following.

“oh and childe?”

“hm?”

“don’t try to wake any ruin guards or attract enemies to you while on our way to wangshu inn.”

“heh, no promises.”

“so... you work for the fatui?” you asked as you and your lover lay on the picnic basket, staring up at the sky in peace.

childe nods in response. “yeah... shocking right?”

“does this mean you did stole rex lapis’s gnosis?” childe grits his teeth at you mentioning rex lapis. “i tried to. turns out la signora beat me to it.”

you stayed silent for a moment, cueing childe to speak up.

“i don’t blame you if you leave me because of this. dating someone as dangerous as me will bring you misfortune, y’know?” you rolled over to the side and face him, frowning at what he said.

“childe... you know i mean it when i say i’ll never leave because of what you are,” your lover looks at you with a hopeful look on his face. “you’re... you’re not leaving me?” he asks softly.

you nodded, smiling gently. “i’ll always be here with you. no matter if you’re an archon, a harbinger, a killer,” you then place a hand on his cheek, causing childe to place his hand on yours. “i’ll never stop loving you, the person who made my world colorful.”

he immediately wraps his arms around your waist, sighing in relief. “i love you so much, y/n.”

“and i, you.”

“you know, i never thought i’d met my soulmate here of all places,” childe confessed as you sleep beside him on your shared bed. “i honestly thought you were in snezhnaya— or maybe in inazuma.”

“then i met you, you saved me, and then we fell in love.” he chuckles at the memory of when you first met. “i thought i was going to die after meeting you.”

childe then turns around to look at you and wrap his arms around you. “i promise, when the tsaritsa is done with her goal— or maybe when i’m done taking rex lapis’s gnosis,” he leans his chin on your head, closing his eyes.

“i’ll propose to you and take you to snezhnaya where you can meet my family.” his heart flutters at the thoughts of your future together. “if i convince you enough then.. hopefully you’ll be okay with moving to snezhnaya with me so that we can settle down.”

when he looks down at you, his eyes widen when he realized you’re awake.

“who said i wasn’t okay with moving to snezhnaya with you?”

the stars have never looked so beautiful.

childe slowly knelt down on the ground as he places a bouquet of flowers in front of the stone.

r.i.p. y/n l/n. xxxx - xxxx

“it feels different without you.” childe whispered, staring at the grave blankly. “i’m not sure if i will get used to the black and white. i’m scared of forgetting what color looks like as time goes by.”

you didn’t deserve to die so fast.

“i promise, i’ll find whoever burned you down in your home.” he swore, clenching his fists as memories of the place he used to call his second home burning down to the ground— crying out for your name as he tries to get inside to save you.

why are the gods so cruel? you didn’t deserve such a tragic death.

“i’ll bring hell to that person— even if that person is someone we know.”

suddenly childe hears a sound of footsteps coming nearby, causing him to look around.

his eyebrows furrowed when he sees a green-haired man walking towards him, his face was covered by a mask. he then realized the mysterious man was the old friend of yours from the wangshu inn and the “young adult who resides the top floor of the inn” that a few people were talking about.

“my name is xiao,” the man said as he stands in front of childe with a menacing presence.

childe watched as he removes his mask, showing the harbinger his youthful face that speaks vengeance and no mercy. “and i’m here to help you hunt down the insolent mortal who killed y/n.”

facts.

xiao met you back when he was hunting down possessed hilichurls.

you actually knew that childe was part of the fatui long before he told you. his acting gave it away.

childe would pay people to make a statue or a portrait of you so that he won’t forget your face unlike how he almost forgot what a color looks like.

[geshertzarmeod]

Favorite Books of 2020

I wanted to put together a list! I read 74 new books this year, and I keep track of that on Goodreads - feel free to add or follow me if you want to see everything! I’m going to focus on the highlights, and the books that stuck with me personally in one way or another, in approximate order. Also, all but two of them (#5 and #7 on the honorable mention list) are queer/trans in some way. Links are to Goodreads, but if you’re looking to get the books, I suggest your library, the Libby app using your library, your local bookstore, or Bookshop.

The Faggots & Their Friends Between Revolutions by Larry Mitchell, illus. by Ned Asta (originally published 1977). I had a hard beginning of the year and was in a work environment where my queerness was just not welcomed or wanted. I read this in the middle of all of that, and it helped me so much. I took this book with me everywhere. I read it on planes. I read it on the bus, and on trains, and at shul. I showed it to friends... sometimes at shul, or professional development conferences. It healed my soul. Now I can’t find it and might get a new copy. When I reviewed it, in February, I wrote: “I think we all need this book right now, but I really needed this book right now. Wow. This book is magic, and brings back a sense of magic and beauty to my relationship with the world.” Also I bought my copy last July, in a gay bookstore on Castro St. in SF, and that in itself is just beautiful to me. (Here’s a post I made with some excerpts)

Once & Future duology, especially the sequel, Sword in the Stars, by A.R. Capetta and Cory McCarthy. Cis pansexual female King Arthur Ari Helix (she's the 42nd reincarnation and the first female one) in futuristic space with Arab ancestry (but like, from a planet where people from that area of earth migrated to because, futuristic space) works to end Future Evil Amazon.com Space Empire with her found family with a token straight cis man and token white person. Merlin is backwards-aging so he's a gay teenager with a crush and thousands of years of baggage. The book’s entire basis is found family, and it's got King Arthur in space. And the sequel hijacks the original myth and says “fuck you pop culture, it was whitewashed and straightwashed, there were queer and trans people of color and strong women there the whole time.” Which is like, my favorite thing to find in media, and a big part of why I love Xena so much. It’s like revisionist history to make it better except it’s actually probably true in ways. Anyway please read these books but also be prepared for an absolutely absurd and wild ride. Full disclosure though, I didn’t love the first book so much, it’s worth it for the sequel!

The Wicker King by K. Ancrum. This book hurt. It still hurts. But it was so good. It took me on a whole journey, and brought me to my destination just like it intended the whole time. The author’s note at the end made me cry! The sheer NEED from this book, the way the main relationship develops and shifts, and how you PERCEIVE the main relationship develops and shifts. I’m in awe of Ancrum’s writing. If you like your ships feral and needy and desperate and wanting and D/S vibes and lowkey super unhealthy but with the potential, with work, to become healthy and beautiful and right, read this book. This might be another one to check trigger warnings for though.

The Entirety of The Daevabad Trilogy by S.A. Chakraborty. I hadn’t heard of this series until this year, when a good friend recommended it to me. It filled the black hole in me left by Harry Potter. The political and mystical/fantasy world building is just *chef’s kiss* - the complexity! The morally grey, everyone’s-done-awful-things-but-some-people-are-still-trying-to-do-good tapestry! The ROMANCE oh my GOD the romance. If I’m absolutely fully invested in a heterosexual romance you know a book is good, but also this book had background (and then later less background) queer characters! And the DRAMA!!! The third book went in a direction that felt a little out of nowhere but honestly I loved the ride. I stayed up until 6am multiple times reading this series and I’d do it again.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon. I loved this book so much that it’s the only book I reviewed on my basically abandoned attempt at a book blog. This book is haunting, horrifying, disturbing, dark, but so, so good. The character's voices were so specific and clear, the relationships so clearly affected by circumstance and yet loving in the ways they could be. This is my favorite portrayal of gender maybe ever, it’s just... I don’t even have the words but I saw a post @audible-smiles​ made about it that’s been rattling in my head since. And, “you gender-malcontent. You otherling,” as tender pillow talk??? Be still my heart. Be ready, though, this book has all the triggers.. it’s a .

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender. This book called me out on my perspective on love. Also, it made me cry a lot. And it has two different interesting well-written romance storylines. And a realistic coming-into-identity narrative about a Black trans demiboy. And a nuanced discussion of college plans and what one might do after college. And some big beautiful romcom moments. I wish I had it in high school. I’m so glad I have it now! (trigger warning for transphobia & outing, but the people responsible are held accountable by the end, always treated as not okay by the narrative, and the MC’s friends, and like... this is ownvoices and it’s GOOD.)

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern. My Goodreads review says, “I have no idea what happened, and I loved it.” That’s not wrong, but to delve deeper, this book has an ethereal feeling that you get wrapped up in while reading. Nothing makes sense but that’s just as it should be. You’re hooked. It is so atmospheric, so meta, so fascinating. I’ve seen so many people say they interpreted this character or that part or the ending in all different ways and it all makes sense. And it’s all of this with a gay main character and romance and the central theme, the central pillar being a love of and devotion to stories. Of course I was going to love it.

Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl’s Confabulous Memoir by Kai Cheng Thom. “Because maybe what really matters isn’t whether something is true, or false. Maybe what matters is the story itself; what kinds of doors it opens, what kinds of dreams it brings.” This book was so good and paradigm shifting. It reminded me of #1 on this list in the way it turns real life experience and hard, tragic ones at that (in this case, of being a trans girl of color who leaves home and tries to make a life for herself in the city, with its violence), into a beautiful, haunting fable. Once upon a time.

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver. I need to reread this book, as I read it during my most tranceful time of 2020 and didn’t write a review, so I forgot a lot. What I do remember is beautiful and important nonbinary representation, a really cute romance, an interesting parental and familial/sibling dynamic that was both heartbreaking and hopeful, and an on-page therapy storyline. Also Mason Deaver just left twitter but was an absolutely hilarious troll on it before leaving and I appreciate that (and they just published a Christmas novella that I have but haven’t read yet!)

The Truth Is by NoNieqa Ramos. It took a long time to trust this book but I’m so glad I did. It’s raw and real and full of grief and trauma (trigger warnings, that I remember, for grief, death (before beginning of book), and gun violence). The protagonist is flawed and gets to grow over the course of the book, and find her own place, and learn from the people around her, while they also learn to understand her and where she’s coming from. It’s got a gritty, harsh, and important portrayal of found family, messy queerness, and some breathtaking quotes. When I was 82% through this book I posted this update: “This book has addressed almost all of my initial hesitations, and managed to complicate itself beautifully.”

Anger is a Gift by Mark Oshiro.  I wasn’t actually in the best mental health place to read this book when I did (didn’t quite understand what it was) but it definitely reminded me of what there is to fight against and to fight for, and broke my heart, and nudged me a bit closer to hope. The naturally diverse cast of characters was one of the best parts of this book. The romance is so sweet and tender and then so painful. This book is important and well-written but read it with caution and trigger warnings - it’s about grief and trauma and racism and police brutality, but also about love and community.

The Prey of Gods by Nicky Drayden.  This is a sci-fi/fantasy/specfic mashup that takes place in near-future South Africa and has world-building myths with gods and demigoddesses and a trip to the world of the dead but also a genetically altered hallucinogenic drug that turns people into giant animals and a robot uprising and a political campaign and a transgender pop star and a m/m couple and all of them are connected. It’s bonkers. Like, so, so absolutely mind-breaking weird. And I loved it.

Crier’s War and Iron Heart by Nina Varela.  I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVED the amount of folktales they told each other with queer romances as integral to those stories, especially in Iron Heart. A conversation between the two leads where Crier says she wants to read Ayla like a book, and Ayla says she’s not a book, and Crier explains all the different ways she wants to know Ayla, like a person, and wants to deserve to know her like a person, made me weak. It lives in my head rent-free.

Queen’s Shadow by E.K. Johnston @ekjohnston . I listened to this book on Libby and then immediately listened to it at least one more time, maybe twice, before my borrow time ran out. I love Padmé, and just always wish that female Star Wars characters got more focus and attention and this book gave me that!! And queer handmaidens! And the implication that Sabé is in love with Padmé and that’s just something that will always be true and she will always be devoted and also will make her own life anyway. And the Star Wars audiobooks being recorded the way they are with background sounds and music means it feels like watching a really long detailed beautiful Star Wars movie just about Padmé and her handmaidens.

Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story by Jacob Tobia. I needed to read this. The way Tobia talks about their experience of gender within the contexts of college, college leadership, and career, hit home. I kept trying to highlight several pages in a row on my kindle so I could go back and read them after it got returned to the library (sadly it didn’t work - it cuts off highlights after a certain number of characters). The way they talk about TOKENISM they way they talk about the responsibilities of the interviewer when an interviewee holds marginalized identities especially when no one else in the room does!!! Ahhhh!!!

Bonds of Brass by Emily Skrutskie. Disclaimer for this one that the author was rightfully criticized for writing a Black main character as a white author (and how the story ended up playing into some fucked up stuff that I can’t really unpack without spoiling). But also, the author has been working to move forward knowing she can’t change the past, has donated her proceeds, and this book is really good? It has all the fanfic tropes, so much delicious tension, a totally unexpected plot twist that had me immediately rereading the book. This book was super fun and also kind of just really really good Star Wars fanfiction.

How To Be a Normal Person by T.J. Klune. This book was so sweet, and cute, and hopeful, and both ridiculous and so real. I had some trouble getting used to Gus’ voice and internal monologue, but I got into it and then loved every bit after. The ace rep is something I’ve never seen like this before (and have barely read any ace books but still this was so fleshed out and well rounded and not just like, ‘they’re obsessed with swords not sex’ - looking at you, Once & Future - and leaving it there.) This all felt like a slice of life and I feel like I learned about people while reading it. Some of the moments are so, so funny, some are vaguely devastating. I have been personally victimized by TJ Klune for how he ends this book (a joke, you will know once you read it) but it also reminds me of the end of the “You Are There” episode of Xena and we all know what the answer to that question was.... and I choose to believe the answer here was similar.

You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson. I wish I had this book when I was in high school. I honestly have complicated feelings about prom and haven’t really been seeking out contemporary YA so I was hesitant to read this but it was so good and so well-written, and had a lot of depth to it. The movie (and Broadway show) “The Prom” wants what this book has.

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth. I never read horror books, so this was a new thing for me. I loved the feeling of this book, the way I felt fully immersed. I loved how entirely queer it was. I was interested in the characters and the relationships, even though we didn’t have a full chance to go super deep into any one person but rather saw the connections between everyone and the way the stories matched up with each other. I just wanted a bit of a more satisfying ending.

Honorable Mention: reread in 2020 but read for the first time pre-2020

Red White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. I couldn’t make this post without mentioning this book. It got me through this year. I love this book so much; I think of this book all the time. This book made me want to find love for myself. You’ve all heard about it enough but if you haven’t read this book what are you DOING.

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan @sarahreesbrennan​ . I reread this one over and over too, both as text and as an audiobook. I went for walks when I had lost my earbuds and had Elliott screaming about an elf brothel loudly playing and got weird looks from someone walking their dog. I love this book so much. It’s just so fun, and so healing to read a book reminiscent of all the fantasies I read as a kid, but with a bi main character and a deconstruction of patriarchy and making fun of the genre a bit. Also, idiots to lovers is a great trope and it’s definitely in this book.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book is forever so important to me. I am always drawn in by how tenderly Sáenz portrays his characters. These boys. These boys and their parents. I love them. I love them so much. This is another one where I don’t even know what to say. I have more than 30 pages in my tag for this book. I have “arda” set as a keyboard shortcut on my phone and laptop to turn into the full title. This book saved my life.

Last Night I Sang to the Monster by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book hurts to read - it’s a story about trauma, about working through that trauma, healing enough to be ready to hold the worst memories, healing enough to move through the pain and start to make a life. It’s about found family and love and pain and I love it. It’s cathartic. And it’s a little bit quietly queer in a beautiful way, but that’s not the focus. Look up trigger warnings (they kind of are spoilery so I won’t say them here but if you have the potential to be triggered please look them up or ask me before reading)

Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine.  When asked what my all time favorite book is, it’s usually this one. Gail Carson Levine has been doing live readings at 11am since the beginning of the pandemic shut down in the US, and the first book she read was Ella Enchanted. I’ve been slowly reading it to @mssarahpearl and am just so glad still that it has the ability to draw me in and calm me down and feels like home after all this time. This book is about agency. I love it.

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman @chronicintrovert . I’ve had this on my all-time-faves list since I read it a few years ago and ended up rereading it this year before sending a gift copy to a friend, so I could write little notes in it. It felt a little different reading it this time - as I get further away from being a teenager myself, the character voice this book is written in takes a little longer to get used to, but it’s so authentic and earnest and I love it. I absolutely adore this book about platonic love and found family and fandom and mental illness and abuse and ace identity and queerness and self-determination, especially around college and career choices. Ahhh. Thank you Alice Oseman!!!

Leia: Princess of Alderaan by Claudia Gray @claudiagray​ . I have this one on audible and reread it several times this year. I love the fleshing out of Leia’s story before the original trilogy, I love her having had a relationship before Han, and the way it would have affected her perspective. I also am intrigued by the way it analyses the choices the early rebellion had to make... I just, I love all the female focused new Star Wars content and the complexity being brought to the rebellion.

[fucking-destiel]

There is something so beautiful yet so broken about Endverse!Cas. He's clearly in love with Dean, and I can see Dean growing close with Cas after Sam let Luci inside of him, but the stress and despair of the apocalypse would tear it apart. Dean and Cas were definately able to survive as long as they did bc they had each other, but the leadership role Dean took on would eventually lead to his downfall. Cas went through many changes in those five years, such as becoming human and living in a deadly zombie infested world, but I really believe Dean (emotionally speaking) leaving him behind is what caused him to do drugs and participate in orgies. Cas just wanted to know what it felt like to be happy and to be loved, something Dean forgot about a long time ago.

Them having a thing in Endverse would explain a lot of things. Even when Cas had a broken leg and couldn't do anything for three months, Dean made sure to share food with him and give him shelter even though he could have easily thrown him out for not being able to help the group. This version of Dean is very harden, but I do believe that him not giving up on Cas then was lowkey an act of love.

Even though Cas knows Dean's plan to kill Luci is absolutely insane, Cas is willing to go with Dean anyways. I think in a way this is a bittersweet suicide. Cas may be a human on drugs, but he isn't an idiot. He knows how dangerous this plan is, but I think Cas wanted to go out if it meant he could spend one last time with Dean. Not to mention I think Cas was willing to die to make sure Dean could survive. Cas clearly doesn't put much value to himself in this world sadly.

When Chuck said "I don't think Cas is going anywhere anytime soon", I believe it also supports this idea that both Dean and Cas had a special bond (even if it ended up becoming broken). Let's be real, this line of dialogue is quite random. After all, our Dean was just trying to look for Cas. It could have easily been cut out to save a bit of time, but I do think this one little line holds power. I mean this entire episode really puts Dean and Castiel's relationship in the spotlight. There are quite a few famous Destiel lines including "I like past you", "Don't ever change", etc. My point is, it just makes sense for that line to have a deeper meaning rather than for it to be a throwaway and I honestly love it bc it implies a much more deeper storyline that quite frankly I could see myself watching.

Finally, past Dean separating Cas vs his other friends when he talks about Future Dean's plan to murder Lucifer alone just speaks massive volume. In his world, he's only known Cas for about a year. They're not exactly besties at this point, but you can see how past Dean holds Cas in a special high regard. Future Dean even admits things are complicated between him and Cas beforehand. We see that Dean knows himself very well (I mean he knew not to trust his future self from the start), and I think Dean realized what exactly he meant by that even if it's not explicitly stated (not to mention when it comes to romantic relationships, a lot of people use the term "it's complicated" as a label).

Thus, I believe during the five years of working together, it would make even more sense that they ended up getting closer than we could ever imagine (atleast comparing it with canon SPN). I mean Dean's protective nature + Castiel's faith towards Dean + going through literal hell and back during those five years sounds like an amazing story waiting to be told. It's truly heartbreaking that that Dean ended up going crazy and Cas just gave up on life at the end of the day. I'd kill to see what happened inbetween 2009 and 2014, bc through these hints, Dean and Castiel's relationship sounds very interesting.

I have SOOOOOO much more theories and ideas of what could have happened, but tbh this is already a really long post.

On another note, I'm in love with Endverse Cas and I want to give him the biggest bear hug in the universe. He really deserved to be protected. I will forever hate that Future Dean was willing to let him die for his own agenda after all the shit they went through. If SPN has proven anything, it's that there is always another way to do something without having to sacrifice everyone around you. In another life (and by that I mean in fanfiction land), I hope Endverse Destiel could end on a happier note and Cas could finally get the love he's been longing for...

[andorerso]

Author cassian, fake married, forced love confession, vampyr, zombie au?

i answered fake married here and the zombie au here :)

author cassian is pretty recent, and it’s basically cassian writing a book that’s very obviously about jyn and everyone can tell except jyn. they’ve been best friends for like 25 years (since they were kids, i imagine them in their early 30s here) and they live together and have a cat called mimi. i’m lowkey tempted to say that they’ve been pretty much in love for as long as they’ve known each other because extra! i mean this is a oneshot that takes place over the course of a few months, but for them, it’s like the slowest slowburn ever. i have a super detailed outline of what happens when from the year they meet to the present, but it starts with cassian’s latest book just being published and there’s a party and some people assume he and jyn are dating. leia is the first to mention that the main character kestrel sounds eerily like jyn herself but jyn brushes it off. she hasn’t finished reading yet. but then people keep saying the same thing, han, shara, bodhi, kay - that kestrel is basically jyn, and her love interest willix is clearly cassian. kay is pretty much the last straw because jyn knows he wouldn’t say that unless he meant it so she confronts cassian and it doesn’t go as planned at first but it’s a happy ending ofc.

snippet:

“I forgot to pack lunch,” she says as she swivels around, keys still in hand.

“Don’t worry,” Cassian says without lifting his eyes from his laptop, “I packed it for you.”

Jyn raises an eyebrow, a smirk playing on her lips. “Thanks, husband.”

That gets him to look up, giving her an amused glance. “Cute.”

forced love confession: ahhhhh ngl, one of my favorite wips/ideas. idk what are the chances of me ever finishing it, at least partly because i have difficulty figuring out the details (and i’ve been trying on and off for two years), but i do love the general idea. this one was inspired by an episode of smallville which i don’t even remember clearly because i never watched that show properly, only sometimes when it was on tv, but i recall something about lois and clark investigating some dude and pretending to be a couple for it (because he was going after couples i think?) and they end up kidnapped by the dude who hooks them up to some sort of lie detector which will shock your partner if you tell a lie. so he begins to interrogate them and he asks lois if she loves clark and she says yes and clark thinks he’s about to be zapped by the thing but it never comes. THE ANGST IS DELICIOUS. i’ve been trying to figure out how to put it into a sw setting for so long because i just really wanna play with the idea of having to confess your love because some psycho is holding you hostage and you don’t really have much of a choice. fun!

snippet:

“When you said you loved me…” Cassian began, hesitant. “And it wasn’t a lie –”

“Of course I love you, you’re my best friend,” Jyn snapped, more defensive than she meant to sound. Even that was hard to admit. Best friend. But he was and she couldn’t lie about it.

vampyr: a tentative follow-up to this. if you played vampyr, then it’s basically just a vampyr au with cassian as jonathan and jyn as geoffrey mccullum. cassian is a vampire and jyn is a vampire hunter. enemies to lovers goodness. the outline is a bit of a mess but i followed a lot of the game’s storyline with jyn and cassian trying to find the creature that’s terrorizing london’s streets at night together, and going from hating each other to falling in love. my favorite part is when cassian is injured in a fight and in order to heal him, jyn lets him drink her blood. sexy.

snippet:

Jyn lifts the cigarette to her lips and takes a deep drag. She eyes Cassian a few feet away, studying her.

“You smoke?”

Cassian shakes his head slowly.

“Right,” she snorts. “You have other vices.”

[gemstoneslesbian]

I love you Matt hcs so much! So much inspiration for mine too!

Have you got any post-cannon hcs? (Maybe angst/Whump one? But that’s not so important I would love to hear any ^^)

Thank you sm!! :D

All right SO, my main niche in the fandom is fleshing out the Ace Attorney prison, examining the relationships between all the characters there, fleshing everyone out, considering their character arcs, etc. It’s definitely something I put a lot of thought into and get excited about ^^

I imagine there being three main prisons:

Prison A

The canon prison shown in Ace Attorney Investigations: 2. Prisoners are allowed one animal companion, there’s a supplier with influence over the warden (and, imo, the guards as well), it’s overall a prison that can be interpreted as more relaxed--with limited corruption, due to the fact that, in my opinion at least, Sirhan Dogen wouldn’t put up with much BS. Although he can’t control everything, Dogen has a decent amount of power that he uses to make his prison livable.

Prison B

This is the opposite of Prison A. Damon Gant is in charge, but in a different kind of way; after being Chief of Police for so long, he still has a lot of power and connections, and many officers hold respect and / or fear towards him. The prison is a hierarchy of power and control with a lot of corruption, and anyone who doesn’t work for Gant is in danger.

Prison C

The women’s prison. Dee Vasquez has the upper hand here, due to her outside connections with the mafia. She handles things in a more manipulative, underhanded kind of way--isn’t so much focused on the prison at large, but moreso on securing her own matters. She uses protection or exploitation sparingly, and when she does, she deflects attention off of it as much as possible. While the prison isn’t as horrible as Prison B, it’s not as safe as Prison A.

Now that the environment has been established, time to get into the details about Matt:

‎

‎

Matt Engarde went to Prison A.

In Ace Attorney, fame and riches seem to make little difference when it comes to putting someone behind bars. However, the game does show that it can add complications, and affect things to a certain level. With that said, here’s how I imagine things went over with the arrest:

Things are a whirlwind of chaos and fear and pain at first, but it doesn’t take him long to get a deal set up with the prison. Sometime within the first week of his imprisonment. Thankfully, this is done quickly enough that his assets haven’t been transferred to his parents, yet.

His sentence is 10 years. No death penalty or life sentence, because the deal is that, for each year that Matt Engarde is alive and healthy, the prison receives $500,000. This would give them ample reason to take measures to protect him from De Killer.

Matt doesn’t have an endless amount of money, and he also doesn’t want to be stuck there forever. In his mind, hopefully De Killer would be behind bars or dead by the end of those 10 years, and if not... well, he’ll figure it out when he gets there.

He’s given the cell down the hall from Sirhan Dogen, the infamous assassin. This scares the HELL out of Matt at first, but the guards assure him that it’s for his own safety:

However, since he’s placed in this cell before the deal is made, there was an ulterior motive as well. Due to the fact that Shelly De Killer is another infamous assassin, Warden Roland considered it a possibility that he’s one of Dogen’s outside contacts. If Dogen were to rat out Matt’s location to him, the prison would be prepared to capture and arrest De Killer, and it would be confirmed that they had been contacts.

Obviously, Dogen could rat him out no matter which cell he’s in, but it’s more convenient to place Matt there as bait since the hallway is monitored so heavily--they’ll be prepared to restrain both De Killer and Dogen if/when that time comes.

If the deal were made beforehand, he likely would have been sent to Prison B; even though it’s a harsher atmosphere, no one in there is presumed to be a contact of De Killer’s. While he could have been transferred at this point, it’s decided that they’ll stick to their regular plan, just with added precautions and safety measures.

Matt, although suspicious, never has any sort of confirmation that he’s being used as bait--at least, not until years later.

BUT ANYHOW.

‎

‎

Interactions and Reputation

I get into it a bit in this fic*, but the gist is this:

There’s no point in continuing to act charming when everyone knows it’s BS, and any chance of Toughness or Good Standing he could have had are kinda... shattered by his frequent (very loud) panic attacks late at night.

For the first year, he doesn’t bother trying to make friends. He doesn’t care about them, they won’t care about him, and he’s not interested in playing a tug-of-war with power dynamics when he knows he won’t always necessarily come out on top. So he’s kind of a loner here. Occasionally entertains himself by picking fights.

*(Spoiler warning for AAI2 in the fic I linked!!)

‎

‎

Character Arc

From this point, I can see it going in several different directions. I have two different fic AUs where things turn out differently in each one, and I also have an extensive role-play I did with a friend of mine. In terms of imagining his “canon” life and his future, I definitely learn towards the events that transpired in the role-play, so I’ll focus on those.

(My friend and I made a post analyzing his personality and character arc, so most of the things I’ll mention here have been mentioned in this post in greater detail. HOWEVER the post is EXTREMELY long and also contains major spoilers for AAI2. So if you want to avoid spoilers and also want a summed up version, feel completely free to just read the summary below!) (oh also, with relation to the post I just linked, tw for?? a variety of common triggers)

I should mention that this might not be COMPLETELY spoiler-free, but I do avoid saying the spoilery name. It’s hard for me to accurately gauge what is and isn’t revealing, since I already know all the spoilers haha.

And, without further ado:

-Everything about his world has been turned upside-down. Instead of being adored, he’s despised. Instead of being the one with power, he’s the one under the thumb of others. Instead of a life of comfort and privilege, he’s confined to small, uncomfortable areas, and is barely paid anything for his labor. Additionally, he could be killed at any moment at any hour at any location--and this is something he’s forced to endure for years on end. The entire situation is incredibly stressful and traumatic for him.

-About a year after his arrest, a guy moves into his cell with him. Things align in just the right way that a friendship of some sort is formed between them: the guy is friendly, pretty, relatable, into some of the same hobbies he’s into, and he has power within the prison walls. It’s beneficial to form a friendship with him... and the guy isn’t annoyed with him for his (now much less-frequent) panic attacks, but rather, shows sympathy.

-Neither of them particularly trust one another, but they enjoy each other’s company.

-Humans need comfort, and Matt is no exception. Under the intense trauma and stress he’s enduring, it’s all too easy to form some sort of bond with the nice guy who dances with him and pets his hair and holds him.

-It’s important to mention that Matt is rendered unable to do his usual power & control shit. And he especially can’t get away with that kind of stuff when his new cellmate shows up. The guy is Very Alert to underhanded behavior (due to his own underhandedness + the fact that he’s dealt with one too many bastards), and is quick to call Matt out on even minor things. So Matt’s options at this point are either:

a.) try his manipulative shit and lose any small amount of power or comfort he may have had, with an added risk of retribution

b.) resist all forms of connection / interaction with other people, and just be miserable and alone and scared all by himself

c.) be friends with the guy WITHOUT being a shady douche, and getting to enjoy the comfort and benefits that provides

-So... YEAH. Long story short, he makes friends with the guy. And, also, lowkey catches feelings for him.

-Matt also makes friends with Simon Blackquill a couple years later (and that has its own backstory)

-His previous ways of moving through the world do not work at all here. In the end, Matt’s main goal is to get what he wants, and to feel good. With the circumstances, he has to completely change his approaches in order to meet that goal.

-Matt may be cold and uncaring towards other people’s emotions, but it’s clear that he does have very intense emotions. He shows much more vulnerability and pain now than he used to, because doing so makes him more sympathetic to his friends--but he also needs to learn to not be as manipulative about it, and to actually consider the other person’s emotions instead of making it all about himself.

-He does ultimately decide to make the overall changes necessary for healthy interpersonal connections, since it’s in his best interest to do so. It’s not easy, and he hits plenty of road bumps along the way. It definitely dredges up a lot of shit, a lot of painful emotions; he’s extremely self-protective, and genuine vulnerability is hard and frightening.

-The tl;dr is that he’s dragged through a healing arc, kicking and screaming the entire way.

‎

‎

That’s what his life in like in prison, overall! There’s a ton of aspects and details, but I figured it’d be best to cover the basic storyline ^^

I also have thoughts on how things would go after he’s released from prison.

‎

‎

...OH SHIT I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO MENTION THE SHELLY THING LMAO

I’m gonna make a post where I detail out what happens, and then link it here when I finish.

Edit: Here it is!

[houses-of-lamentation]

Hello~ This is for the ask meme! 5, 10, 18, 26, 29, 30, 32 and 33! I know this is a lot so if it's too much just pick which ones you want to do! Have a good day~

tysm for asking something sjsjsh! 29, 30, and lowkey 33 are a lil spoilery just in case anybody needs to know

5. Which brother would you be if you embodied a deadly sin?

I’d end up being Beel in this case, oop. According to some sources, my sin is gluttony and uH, I can’t argue with that!

10. Whose in your main team?

That would be Belphie, Mammon, and Beel!

18. Favorite devilgram?

I’ve only unlocked like,,tWO. But I do adore the “One Too Many Insults” story! Just because it shows that the brothers do really care about Mammon and it makes me SOFT!

26. Do you share a zodiac with any of the brothers? If so, who?

I absolutely had to check but as it looks, I don’t!

29. Opinions on the time travel aspect of the storyline?

As someone who usually gets tied up in the logic of time travel, OOF. I basically have to just go with it, like I enjoy the addition of it but uh,,,? I guess the OG timeline went POOF and we’re just?? Okay with IT?? Did it even gO away?? Am I just telling myself that to COPE?? Who knows!

30. Do you resent Belphegor for killing you?

He caught ME slipping, that was on ME.

Kidding. Mostly.

So like. I really wanted to. I was all SET. It happened and I was like “welp, not gonn like you. not into that. we not doing this today folks. nope.” But I forgot I cling to attention and he babie. But also??

He’s KINDA valid?? Lucifer left him in the ATTIC FOR A DECADE. He was stewing in anger, he did NOT know the truth of Lilith SO? He wants to hate the human race. He didn’t kill us/MC because he wanted to kill THEM. He wanted to take out his anger on humans in general and we were the first ones!

Am I a Belphie apologist? Damn, this is news to ME—

32. Do you have any ideas for improving the experience of the game?

Can I PLEASE give these boys more affection? Like in the MAIN storyline? Not even necessarily romantically like they all need some hugs pronto. Some positive affirmations too, damn.

33. Any theories?

Our pacts have to come into play. So far, we’ve had very little use for the pacts. The real use of a pact is to have a demon BASICALLY at your beck and call. There has to be some point where we get to really use our pacts.

Also WHY THE FUCK IS SOLOMON LIKE THAT?? He has 72? demons. 72. What for? Huh? And he wants more!! What is he PLANNING?? HUH??

Lol so like,,,are we supposed to expect Diavolo’s dad to stay asleep this whole time? Like just saying but wow, it would be a real shame if he were to wake up, huh.

[princesscallyie]

I don't need any new content on G:RS, but could you do a summary of what has happened so far? Been a while since there's been a focus on those babies and having a hard time remembering some things.

Have you checkout the Episode page on the wiki? It gives short synopses of each episode. Maybe that can jog your memory if you forgot.

But for a quick summary from the top of my head (cause I would actually need to reread everything myself to give you more info especially on the earlier stuff). There’s two separate storylines but eventually they combine.

The VL was created by Blossom cause her son ran away to be evil and the YBA was rising up and was messing shit up. Kingsley is appointed the leader. Benji is introduced and creates their uniforms. Hank is nervous about their first live broadcast. Renee gets kidnap by Victor. Renee is captured and Drake talks to her for a sec, then is planning on sending her home. Renee finds the fancy magic book in their library. This starts an new arc with Renee. Kingsley and the others plan to get Renee back, but Kingsley is conflicted about the right course of action is and almost kills Renee. But Renee is magic now so she was good. She’s still pissed thought, so she’ gonna find out the sercrets of the book low key with Damian. Kingsley is an angry boi

Chloe gets kinda jealous of Kingsley and decides to join the YBA. Chloe meets her new teammates on the Brilliant Battalion. Micah and Persephone face off with Warron and Luther. When Warron and Luther fail, Chase finds out about the Alliance’s other shortcomings and let’s Drake have it. Alisha also lets him have it. Drake is Depressed���️ and decides to go home to his mama. Drakes wonder what Alisha and Xiang were up to the night before and it tells the story of how they ran into Reggie. This starts an new arc as well.

And then all those other character intro fics get squeezed in there somehow (it lowkey doesn’t make any sense, but we having fun in callyieverse who cares about continuity errors)

[lxkeeeee]

STOLAS; CH. 11: RETROVAILLE

Venti x Male! Dendro Archon! Reader

Does not follow canon plot cuz I wrote this months before the area was leaked.

Fem aligned dni, minors dni.

—————◆◇◆—————

               Venti's eyes caught sight of the Dendro Archon who slept on his office table, it looked uncomfortable to the bard.

He let out a tired sighed as he softly approached the sleeping male, he decided to carry him.

Bridal style. His other hand is placed underneath the taller male's legs while the other hand is placed underneath the male's armpit.

[Y/n] slightly shuffled before nuzzling his face closer to bard's chest, feeling the warmth of his chest, he softly groaned as he slowly opened his eyes; his [e/c] orbs staring directly at green one's.

Venti no. This was Barbatos who was carrying him, [y/n] softly blushed at how serious the anemo archon is from holding him.

'wait a damn minute, I'm dreaming right now.' he deadpanned to himself before taking a good look at how serious the anemo archon is.

'when did he get this hot—' he internally panicked, Venti watched as how the cheeks of the male he was carrying turned red, he gave him a gentle smile.

"Did I wake you up?" Barbatos softly murmurs and [y/n] rubbed his eyes, to ease away the tiredness.

"Why are you here Barbatos? Or am I possibly dreaming right now?" The professor asked softly and the anemo archon softly chuckled.

"I... I can't bear to be away from you, before I knew it, I'm already here." He sighed softly and [y/n] softly smiled, "couldn't resist me now?" The Dendro Archon smirked and the ever serious anemo archon disappeared and was now replaced with a blushing bard.

"Aijskasn ye-yes." The bard stuttered out and [y/n] laughs before booping the bard's nose, "You can let go of me now—" he deadpans, he actually liked to be in the bard's arms but he was worried for the smaller male's back.

He'd rather break the bard's back in other ways;)

Venti sighed as he slowly placed down the professor, [y/n] patted himself and he smirked at Venti who nervously glanced at him.

"Ah!—" Venti yelped as he was now in the same position the Dendro Archon just a few moments ago.

[Y/n] had now carried him bridal style, he immediately covered his blushing face with his hands and [y/n] laughed at how cute he is.

"Aw~ Where did the serious and sexy Barbatos went~?" [Y/n] teased and Venti just said some incomprehensible words that just sounded so jumbled.

Aka the keyboardsmash talk idk.

"Ajshaja sexy?!"

"Yes, you're very sexy indeed."

Venti's ego: 📈

[Y/n] laughs at Venti's blushing face again, "Come on, let's get some sleep. We both need it lol." The Dendro Archon softly say as he slowly carried the Anemo Archon in his arms, the latter enjoying the ride of course.

I mean... Who wouldn't?

[Y/n] slammed open the doors to his bedroom, the doors hitting the wall with a loud bang, Venti sweatdropped. "What did the door do to you?" He laughs out and [y/n] looked at him with a serious expression, "Get in my way."

Venti deadpanned.

[Y/n], with Venti still in his arms, walked towards his bed, he softly threw the bard into the soft mattress making the latter yelped again as he was thrown into the bed, his back hitting the soft material.

'Why am I getting a deja vu vibe—' Venti thought as he watched the other male turned around.

And began loosening his collar and tie, Venti's eyes went wide and his face went res as the other male removed his shirt.

Venti just stared at the other male's exposed back and he turned to away to keep the blush from deepening.

'holy shit, that's... That was so attractive...' The bard muttered.

[Y/n] then began rummaging through his closet and found a shirt that's way too big for him but it was comfortable nonetheless, he turned to look back at Venti who was red in the face.

He raised his eyebrow, "Are you okay..?" He softly asked and Venti just nodded, still not looking at him.

Venti was trying to cool down his blushing cheeks when he felt a weight into the mattress and he felt something or someone plopped on top of him.

[Y/n] nuzzled his head on the bard's chest as his arms are wrapped around Venti's torso, he looked at the other male, their faces merely inches apart from the other, their noses touching each other, they can feel each other's warm and soft breathing.

They looked at each other with half-lidded eyes as they now leaned closer, making the gap disappear.

Venti placed his hand on the other male's chest while the other hand was placed behind [y/n]'s neck to pull him closer.

[Y/n] on the other hand, his hand was lazily wrapped around Venti's waist while the other was softly caressing the bard's leg, making the said male softly moan into the kiss from the touch.

They separated from another, they pant softly and Venti placed both of his arms around the other male's neck before engulfing him to an another kiss, a short one filled with longing.

[Y/n] smiled into the kiss, happy to be back in the Anemo Archon's arms.

Their lips separated, the two Archon's looked at each other before huge smiled appeared on both of their faces, they nuzzled their noses against each other as their foreheads touch.

Soft laughter's can be heard in the dimly-lit room.

Their laughter's and chuckled slowly came to a halt, their eyes staring at each other; [h/c] and green orbs staring at each other.

[Y/n] smirked as he leaned down on the bard's ear, he whispered, "Don't miss me too much my ass."

Venti slightly shivered from the other male's warm breathing on his ear and his face turned crimson and he can only pout, "Not my fault you're irresistible." Venti whined and [y/n] laughed as he plopped beside Venti, his arms still around the smaller male's waist.

Comfortable silence engulfs the room, only the two Archon's soft breathing can be heard.

Both of them had their arms around each other's waist, their legs tangled together in a comfortable position.

Venti turned to look at the other male with a serious expression, [y/n] looking at him questionably.

Venti sighed before taking a deep breath.

"I know I said I don't want to move in with you yet because we just started our relationship right?"

"Yes..?"

"Fuck that, wise men says that only fools rush in but I can't help... Falling in love with you."

"So if the offer still stands... Let me... If you still allow me... If you're okay with me—" he was cut off as the other male crashed his lips on to his.

"Just shut up for a moment." [Y/n] murmured and Venti immediately zipped his lips shut, the taller male leans their foreheads together, their eyes staring at each other, [y/n] cupped smaller male's cheeks, he gave the bard a small smile, "You know that I would love it when you move in with me, there's nothing wrong with it..." He murmured and Venti felt tears prick his eyes and [y/n] softly wiped them away using his thumb.

Venti softly smiled, his heart doing erratic movements, "Why... Why are you so good to me? I... I don't deserve you..." Venti softly sobbed, [y/n] sighed as he planted small kissed around the anemo archon's face, he stopped and then gave a long and chaste kiss on Venti's forehead, making the said man's tears stopped flowing.

"Who said you don't deserve me?" [Y/n] softly asked and Venti shook his head, "No one... Except for me I guess..." Venti looked away as he softly answered, [y/n] softly sighed as he cupped the bard's face, making Venti to look at the taller male.

"You make me happy, isn't that enough reason for me to love you? For you to deserve me?" [Y/n] softly says as he gave Venti a gentle and loving smile, making the latter froze before a huge grin appeared on the bard's face.

[Y/n] chuckled, "There's the cheery bard I know and love~"

"Archon's.. when did you get so charming?" Venti pouted and [y/n] just laughed.

"Who knows~?"

Venti just pouted before [y/n] booped his.

"Let's get some sleep, let's talk more tomorrow morning..." [Y/n] softly say he intertwined their fingers together.

"Agreed.... Goodnight my love...", Venti softly say as he yawned after and [y/n] just chuckled.

"Sweet dreams, ma cherie..."

The two tired Archon's softly smiled at one another and soon they both slowly closed their eyes.

Soon, soft breathing and soft snores can be heard.

The Archon's finally back in each other's arms.

—————◆◇◆—————

[Y/n] softly groaned in pain and annoyance as he felt the sun's rays blinding him through the curtains.

He yawned before slowly opening his eyes, his [e/c] eyes caught sight of the sleeping bard beside him, his black locks with green highlights were a mess, he watched the way the smaller male's chest rise and fall in rhythmic beat.

He softly smiled as caressed away the hairs that was on the bard's face.

He closed his eyes as he silently prayed, 'heavens above... Please don't steal my time to be with this man.... I begged of you...' he sadly prayed.

Before, he didn't really care if exploded today or tomorrow.

But now, he fears it, he's scared of leaving Venti behind.

He'll do everything in his power to severe his connections with Celestia.

Just to be with Bard for a very long time.

Venti groaned as he opened his eyes, the sunlight shining over his eyes, he softly hissed before covering his face with the blanket, he turned around to see the man beside him, already fully awake.

[Y/n] didn't seem to notice him waking up, his nose buried in the book he was reading. Venti watched the eyeglass resting on the man's nose was slipping, [y/n] immediately readjusted it with his fingers before going back to reading.

Venti blushed at the sight, he can't get used to seeing the man wear eyeglasses.

'he's already attractive enough, adding glasses is like pouring gasoline into an open fire—' he dreamily thought.

[Y/n] looked up from the book he was reading and looked at the male beside him who—who was staring at him with a blush, he raised an eyebrow at him.

"Blushing this early in the morning~?" He teased and Venti deadpanned, "You're wearing eyeglasses."

[Y/n] looked at him nervously, "Does it make me look bad?" He asked and Venti shook his head, "No... It made you more at-attractive—", he accidentally stuttered out as he looked away with a blushing face, [y/n]'s eyes went wide before he smirked. He placed a bookmark on the page he was reading before closing the book and placed it on his bedside drawer.

He moves his body closer to Venti who was still blushing quite heavily, he used his hand to place it under Venti's chin to make the latter look at him.

Venti froze as [y/n] gave him seductive smirk, he whispered on to the bard's ear, "Then perhaps I should stop using contact lens and start using glasses then~" he teased before he cackled at how the bard had turned even more redder.

Venti pouted.

Before straddling and pinning the taller male beneath him.

[Y/n]'s laughter came to a halt as he felt his wrist being pinned above his head by none other than the bard.

The Dendro Archon's face immediately bloomed into a blushing mess and Venti smirked at the blushing man.

"Cat got your tongue~?" Venti teased and [y/n]'s breath hitched at how attractive the Anemo Archon is being currently is.

[Y/n] nodded and Venti laughed before smirking at him, "You've been teasing me a lot lately... Time to return the favor~" Venti mused as he trailed a hand up and down the taller male's chest, making the latter shiver at the Anemo Archon's touch.

[Y/n] felt Venti's cold hands slipped underneath his shirt, caressing his abs before going up to his chest, he softly whined.

Venti just smirked as he enjoyed feeling the man's refined stomach and chest.

[Y/n] shivered and Venti just looked at him amusedly,

Before deciding to tickle the man.

"AHAHAHAHAHA VENTI STOP AHAHAH—" [Y/n] laughed out as tears pricked his eyes, Venti softly laughed with him, "Didn't know you were ticklish~"

"AHAHAHA BARBATOS IF YOU HAHAHA DON'T STOP I WON'T LET YOU MOVE IN—"

Venti stopped tickling him and gave the panting man with a pout.

"Damn you Barbatos, it's too early for this—" [y/n] wheezed out and Venti giggled before plopping on top of the wheezing man.

Venti sighed, "Are you really sure about letting me st—"

"I'm pretty sure."

"Are you really—"

"Yes Barbatos, I'm sure."

"What about your companions? Would they be fine with me?" Venti softly asked as he sweeped off the [h/c] makes hair from the said male's face.

[Y/n] softly sighed before caressing the bard's face, he gave him a gentle smile. "I'm sure they'll love you to be here."

Venti smiled as he placed a chaste kiss on the taller male's jawline.

"Then I'll take your word for it."

—————◆◇◆—————

"So you're saying that Venti arrived last night looking for Sir as if he's gonna die if he doesn't see Sir?" Tyler deadpanned as he sipped on his black coffee, Catherine deadpanned, "You just overexaggerated what I just said, I just told you Venti came over last night."

"Same thing."

"Pffft those two are helpless." Hiro deadpanned as Ryan handed him over the butter, he muttered a soft 'thanks' to the blonde before slicing a piece of butter and placed it on top of his pancakes.

Currently the 9 members of the elite 10 are having breakfast together in the kitchen.

"Helplessly in love with each other~" Ryan sang as he drank his shot of espresso, Luke just grumbled at him, "I swear you'll die from drinking that." The blonde laughed, "The better!"

"Pleaseee I swear sooner or later they're gonna announce that Barbatos is moving in." Tyler deadpanned, "Which is not a bad thing, I swear we need the anemo archon to watch over our mess of a god, no offense Cyno."

"None taken." Cyno blankly said as he flipped the page of the newspaper he was reading, two empty cups in front of him, the content was clearly black coffee.

"I wouldn't mind if Mr. Venti moves in, Sir is a lot calmer if he's around."

Soon, two Archon's came into the dining room, the Dendro Archon happily announcing, "Everyone! I hope you guys don't mind that Venti is now moving in with me—"

'We spoke way too fucking soon—' the elite 9 collectively thought.

—————◆◇◆—————

Retrouvaille

(n.) The joy of meeting or finding someone again after a long separation; rediscovery.

—————◆◇◆—————

I swear I love teasing you guys—

2516 words

[giapism]

January Reading Updates

Since we’ve just reached the end of the first month of 2020, I thought I’d take some time to share with you all what I’ve been reading and also write a short review about each book (else I’ll completely forget what I read by the end of the year...) The books are listed in the order that I completed them in. 

(*): Read in Vietnamese 

1. American Gods - Neil Gaiman

Neil is perhaps my favorite storyteller ever, and he particularly excels in building strange yet captivating worlds that do a great job of making humans seem more human than ever, despite the fact nothing remotely conforming to the human-norm happens (except marriage problems--I suppose even gods and demi-gods are dumb motherfuckers when it comes to love.)

American Gods follows Shadow, a widower freshly released from jail as he tags alongside a suspiciously rich “Mr. Wednesday” (later revealed to be an undercover God), on a quest to convince the old, forgotten Gods of America to rise up and fight the new Gods (Technology, Media etc.) The book pulls up many characters from Irish, Norse, Hindu, Slavic, African and Egyptian folklore and so on, and offers a very refreshing take on religion in modern society. Although Gaiman didn’t dive deep into any specific culture, it’s a helpful start to continue learning about religion and folklore all over the world. There is a lot of information and I can only imagine how painstaking the research process must have been.  

Genre-wise, I don’t think this book fits into any at all. There’s history, fantasy, horror, maybe some thriller too. The idea of a giant war with hundreds of Gods is very ambitious, so the book does get a little messy and all-over-the-place at times. I’d call it “jigsaw-puzzling”, though, you’re given lots of information that doesn’t seem to make sense, but gradually everything comes together at the end and I absolutely love getting to the end and exclaiming “OH! So THAT’S what it was about” I find that the suspense-building in this book very well-done, too. The only criticism I have is that the ending felt a bit... lacking. You had all this build up, this gigantic feud, but everything’s resolved so simply you almost feel cheated. Or maybe I just have something against how Armageddon-type stories (where 2 sides fight to death) keep ending. Other than that, considering how hard this topic is to write about, I’m flabbergasted at how well Neil pulled it off.

Overall rating: 8/10

2. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck - Mark Manson

Everyone was raving about it so I had to give it a go. For those of you who don’t know, this is a self-help book aiming to show you how to re-purpose your life, communicate effectively and live productively. Surprisingly, it only took me 2 afternoons to finish (I always find self-help books are easier to read than fiction, don’t know why). It’s written very informally and feels more like a humorous conversation with a loving but foul-mouthed friend, which makes it easy to digest whether you’re a 10th grader being peer-pressured to apply to US Colleges or a 53-year old electrician just realising you actually wanted to be a novelist. The only requirement for the the advice to be useful is that you kind of need to mess up a lot.

However, I found that there weren’t that many new things in the book. Mostly, it just reminded us of the things we already knew but consciously (or subconsciously) decide to shove under the carpet, OR put into words things we kind of already think, but don’t know how to explain. There is, no doubt, lots of helpful advice but like all self-help books, I find it too much to remember (unless you’re going to re-read it 20 times), and when I finished, out of the dozens of pieces of advice I only remembered one, “People who make changes aren’t flashy and don’t about what they’re going to do a lot. They just do it.” And from then on I shut up about my plans and just worked on them. Everyone’s going to have their own takeaways relevant to their lives, and I’d encourage you to read it just to see if you can find anything interesting. If out of 20 things, you remember 2-3 things that work for you, that’s still a win.

What I enjoyed the most was actually reading the stories/examples of real people at the beginning of each chapter before getting into the “lecture” part. 

Overall rating: 6.9/10 

3. Dracula - Bram Stoker

A classic in gothic horror. I actually started reading this last year and the first third of the book telling Jonathan’s fearful stays at Count Dracula’s castle had me hooked - it’s written in beautiful, elegant language which we hardly ever hear anymore, and does such a wonderful job conveying the characters’ fears, thoughts and emotions. But the moment Jonathan leaves the castle and the book switches to other characters’ stories, it just got so long and boring that I stopped reading for 3 months altogether and forgot which character was which because there were so many men. The “dull chapters” stretch on for at least a quarter of the book, and things only get interesting again when Dracula returns to the story and certain characters start turning into vampires. The rest of the story follows the “heroes” as they try to defeat the Count and bring peace to his victims, and although many parts are suspenseful and very clever, the ending is also so easily achieved that it’s a bit of a downer. 

The whole book is written in diary entrees, journal entrees and letters of different characters (I’ve only read single-person diaries before) which was surprisingly pleasant in that you feel like you know the characters and by the end, you grow quite fond of them. It even inspired me to start keeping a diary again. It also made me start speaking like an old Englishman for the few days after completion, because I hadn’t really shaken off the language yet. Everyone seemed to be much more caring towards each other in those days, and through the letters I picked up some romantic phrases of which my favorite has been “And so, as you love me, and he loves me, and I love you with all the moods and tenses of the verb, I send you simply his ‘love’ instead.” Lovely, isn’t it? 

Overall rating: 7/10

4. Days at Morisaki Bookstore /  Những Giấc Mơ Ở Hiệu Sách Morisaki - Satoshi Yagisawa*

I’m not sure of the popularity of this book, it seems quite lowkey but has a surprising amount of reviews on Good Reads and even has a film adaptation. I happened to find it on my bookshelf and finished it in one afternoon (it was only 150-ish pages.)

Genre-wise, I’d call it Slice of Life although I don’t know if books are even allowed to be called that, or just anime. There is generally no real plot, only character development as Takako (main character) gets dumped by her cheating boyfriend and moves into her uncle’s antique bookstore to re-charge, gradually finding herself learning to appreciate books and the people around her. It’s a very simple storyline, and there’s almost nothing very special about the main character, but maybe that’s what makes it a relaxing read - because in reality, most humans aren’t the special snowflakes and oddballs we think. Admittedly, I started off finding Takako very annoying, but as she grew through the story, I found myself empathizing with her. For me, the book is a reminder to take things slower in life, remember to recharge and learn to see the beauty in simple things around you. It had a happy ending, too. Good for lazy reads, you don’t really have to think much - just sit there with a nice cup of tea and go with the flow. 

Overall rating: 7/10

5. The Oldest Parents With The Youngest Child / Những Tháng Năm Rực Rỡ - Ae-ran Kim*

I. Loved. This. Even now it’s left me with a tumble of emotions that I don’t even know how to describe, and I can say for sure that it’s made it to my list of favorite books of all time. 

The story recounts the life of a 17-year-old boy with progeria (a disease that makes his body age 4x as fast as a regular person, meaning he has the body of an 80-year-old) and his parents, who had him when they were 17. It talks of the struggles of teen parents learning to cope with an unintended pregnancy, their financial and mental hardships raising a child whilst also battling his illness, and also of the main character’s steel-hard resilience and love for life despite his condition. It actually made me feel ashamed of myself for being perfectly healthy, but not being as curious and hungry to learn, and most of all, to have a perfectly functioning laptop and not be writing. Other than that, it also humanizes persons with disabilities, showing that they too can fall in love, get anxious when ghosted and want to sneakily drink alcohol despite being underaged - anything a typical 17 year old might do. After this book, for the first time in a long time I felt that every aspect of life was truly wonderful and that I was lucky to be here. I also made a list of 30 challenges to do these coming months, to understand and enjoy life more and will keep you updated on my progress. 

Even though the book is written from the perspective of a boy with progeria, the author herself is a perfectly healthy woman in her 40s (who did a lot of research before writing, I’m sure). Yet somehow she’s able to tell the story so vividly, convincingly and emotionally that I feel like I’m in his body, living his life and feeling his disappointment and excitement. The tone is so natural, so nonchalant it just feels like a leaf smoothly riding the breeze down the the ground. Reading this book, I’m reminded again of how powerful a tool literature is in sharing ideas, bridging humans and building empathy. I’m in awe of not just the main character for pushing through his difficulties the way he did, but also of the author for writing something so powerful it changed the way I looked at life. It makes me want to write stories like this one day, too. I just don’t know what to say about this book other than I really loved it. 

Overall rating: 9/10

And that’s it for this month! I’ve only just gotten back on track with reading and remembering how fun it is. Hopefully someone will find this helpful and maybe pick up one of these books. I’ll see you guys next month!

[phoebedynevors]

i hate being too critical of a show that i love, but it just frustrates me how this season so far has been all shock-factor and no substance or consequence. take eve throwing villanelle in jail for example. it was played as this big huge betrayal at the end of the episode, but then villanelle gets out within the first 2 minutes of the next episode and that’s it. problem solved. halfway through the episode i forgot it even happened because villanelle seemingly just moves on?? she’s joking around with carolyn playing truth or dare and i’m sitting there thinking didn’t the person you care about most in the world just put you in jail??? maybe people read different things in her performance but to me she didn’t look that betrayed. the whole jail thing just felt so pointless to me (like a lot of things this season) because it was simply done for shock-factor, not consequence. i mean you could argue that it was done to create conflict in future episodes, but that just brings me to my other issue - pointless conflict. compared to where we ended last season, the conflict between eve and villanelle this season just doesn’t make any sense. i get what they were trying to do - keep them separated for a while so that when they come together it’s more satisfying or whatever - but that just doesn’t work this season! the writers are stalling until they can get them together in the last 2 episodes by creating 6 episodes worth of unnecessary conflict. and that’s not to say i don’t think there should be conflict - of course there should be - but it should’ve been shared conflict. not conflict to keep them apart for majority of the season, but conflict created between them in a shared storyline. reading this back it sounds like i hate the show but i promise i don’t! i really love this show, it just makes me frustrated sometimes that this is the final season, we have 4 episodes left, and we really haven’t gotten any substantial development between eve and villanelle. them figuring out how to be together (and all the conflict it creates) should’ve been a season-long arc, not just the last 3, maybe 2 episodes. excited to see how it will all play out, but can’t help but be a little disappointed by so much wasted potential :/

don’t worry, i get you. yeah i definitely have my nitpicks about the season as well, i expected conflict too but not exactly like this i guess? however i do think the prison moment will come back up though, it was pretty huge of eve to do and v hasn't really had a reaction to it yet so i feel like it’s coming. i think it was mainly done for shock too but i also lowkey think it had a purpose so i’m still curious to hear eve’s reasoning as to why, like i think if we get a talk of some kind that explains everything then everything will make more sense. also regarding how long v was in jail, if we weren’t running outta eps and in the final season she definitely would’ve been in there longer (similar to her prison arc in s1) but i think they’re trying to keep the story going. like eve throws her in thinking she finally has gotten rid of v and can focus on something else just for hélène to be the conniving person that she is and go behind eve’s back and get her out just to dangle her in eve‘s face. i’m actually happy she didn’t stay in long cause that would’ve been annoying and villaneve would’ve been apart even longer probably

but anyway yeah, we all have our criticisms trust me. i really wanna see how the full season goes first before releasing my final thoughts cause we have four eps left and a lot can happen so i wanna see what the full plan is personally

[shaykeijser]

riverdale 2x16

 here are my thoughts/reactions to this weeks episode that no one asked for, which will include spoilers (obviously) so i’m putting them under the cut. i’ve already watched the episode so these aren’t my first reactions technically but they’ll be the same. 

caution: i’m not a fan of jughead or the core four. so i’ll be poking fun/getting annoyed at them.

- why did betty not go straight to alice with the dna test? why would she give chic, who she thinks is capable of hurting her, the opportunity to last out at her? i also still don’t get why she didn’t just get a normal dna test. like you’re a journalist, get the full truth, not just some of it

- i fucking called it!! why do ya think hal wanted nothing to do with chic? remember when he said “you’re letting this stranger into our house”? he wouldn’t call his own son a stranger

- fp is the dad and that’s the facts (that wouldn’t make bughead wrong don’t even try to defend that)

- chic is such a good creep IM LIVING FOR IT

- if it wasn’t a for-profit prison it wouldn’t be the worst idea. but it is so :///

- southside high was falling apart at the seems. the old students were aware of that and were plenty happy to go away! yes the lodge’s had other intentions with shutting down the school, but overall it was a good thing. there’s other, more valid reasons to not like the prisons that aren’t being talked about!!

- lol we know that veronica running for stuco wouldn’t end up well

- fred getting more screen time <333 (even if i don’t totally agree with him)

- does everybody at this school watch the same tv shows how is jughead quoting scandal (which i had to google) universally understood? i’m actually a sophomore and my friends and i quote vines.

- why isn’t ronnie defending herself? she gave that look to archie so he could defend her. where did kick ass veronica i don’t take no shit’ lodge go??

- ‘hunger strike for southside high’ BOI 

- ‘for it to re-open’ i had to pause this when i first watched this scene. he went there for like 2 weeks. toni was his only true friend for the majority of it. he didn’t like the idea of it and didn’t like what he had to do to survive there. the other students were happy with it closing!! why you gotta be so extra?? and if he really wants to get out of riverdale to be a writer he shouldn’t be trying to go back to a school that had teachers who gave up hope on their students

- ew ethel (i was eh with her all together but i’m still >:( over how she got mad at veronica for what hiram did to her father. veronica was one of the only people who was comforting her and tried to make amends. we can’t forget that when that all was going down veronica didn’t like her dad)

- WHY ARE KEVIN AND JOSIE SITTING ALONE

- wait jk i remembered 

- HAHAHA ok i’m josie (don’t get me wrong i like veronica and is the only tolerable lead for me atm but that slushie thing is really funny. it was sorta uncalled for, but she is working with her father soz)

- props to veronica for being the bigger person in this scenario

- 'what are the odds your father’s gonna be the first inmate in that prison?’ #boomroasted #thatwasatheofficereference #didanyonegetit

- lol at least veronica kept her cool for a little bit (go her btw)

- MY POOR CHERYL NO

- mama blossom is shady and nana rose is sassy

- that tea’s gonna be poison i’m calling it

- why would ethel’s dad want a job at the prison? he was a businessman

- veronica’s own parents are threatening her UGH

- power to veronica for wanting to run but this isn’t gonna end well

- TONI’S HOT & even if her audition flopped cheryl still would’ve made her member #lovemybabies

- tbh i didn’t like the lodges being the main plot point and i’d still prefer for the serpents to get more screentime than them BUT this is getting interesting

- drag him archie

- i want to see other south siders fighting for this why does jughead get to be the leader of this revolution (that i’m here for!! except for the school thing bc it doesn’t make sense)

- y’all have been having friendship problems since the ms. gr**** thing i think the trains have been getting closer than you think jug

- FINALLY, THE CHONI I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR

- something bad is gonna happen to cheryl i’m calling it, and nana rose

- (about what betty said after cheryl opened up) betty let chic into her and her family’s life can she not just be cautious from a distance and let her mom enjoy having her son back

- of course toni’s in the bed you sly little bird cheryl

- y’all gonna fuck? kidding this the cw that’s only for het couples

- THEY GONNA KISS AWE

- ok fuck why can’t we have some happiness for once

- penelope and claudius pushed her, i mean penelope had obviously prepared a back up plan incase she didn’t die (mentioning sundowners syndrome)

- #ProtectCherylBlossom

- aw archie’s mom is back i’m happy 

- YES SCHOOL THAT BOY FOR DISRESPECTING FRED GO MAMA ANDREWS

- charles melton looks really hot with a bruised face oi oi (so does jordan connor)

- that lowkey sounds like a bribe veronica.... 

- fang, toni, and pea are in this scene?? new favorite scene

- honestly, if any other serpent was the one in jugheads spot i think i would be all for it lmao

- i thought mary (andrews) was gonna also give archie the safe sex talk that he archie never got dang

- mary’s giving good advice though let’s just hope archie will listen to it

- I LOVE KEVIN 

- kevin had the right to tell chic, she was the one who forced him into the poorly planned catfishing (like seriously - she shouldn’t have been there and they shouldn’t have done it at a school). kevin has barely got any good storylines that actually continue and i’m so damn happy that he’s sticking up for himself. betty only reaches out to him when she needs help.

- betty talking about her darkness and saying ‘darkness’ in general is the most cringey thing ever. she has some sort of mental illness. i don’t know what but they shouldn’t have taken this ‘darkness inside of me’ approach.

- i wish V tried to become josie’s friend before asking her for an endorsement. actually, i wish the show resolved their friendship ages ago. they’re the one of the few WOC and overall i’m tired of girl x girl friendships being ruined like this

- it’s got so bad that veronica had to bribe josie to endorse her. i know this isn’t gonna go well

- sweet pea looking like an out of focus snack <333

- DRAG HIM JUGHEAD (lol you can tell how much i don’t like archie being up hiram’s ass that i’m praising jughead)

- give betty cooper therapy, you cowards

- ‘i caught the black hood’ bitch no you didn’t that hoe still out there & i’m taking that theory to the grave

- sheriff keller woah i forgot about him

- my boy fp!!

- omfg imagine when betty tells jughead that chic’s dad isn’t hal they better have him be like “...what if it’s mine” (i just realized that sorta sounds like jughead saying ‘what if the kid aka chic is mine’ and that’s not what i meant, i meant that chic’s dad is jughead’s dad but that made me laugh so i’m keeping it)

- oh sHIT something’s gonna happen @ this concert/rally for veronica’s campaign thing

- kevin’s filming it yeps something’s happening

- ope i knew it ethel is passing papers out 

- woop there it is

- i don’t ~really~ get why betty’s mad 

- JOSIE’S APART OF IT WTF I DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING but i should have :(

- this show tries to be all about female empowerment but then they have two girls banding together to bully an already manipulated and hurting girl. smh

- again, i don’t ~really~ get why betty can’t trust her anymore

- :((( i feel so bad for ronnie. she’s being manipulated by her parents and i really want her out of lodge industries. she’s taking blame for the shit that her parents have done

- THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR

- HAHAHAA THE WIG OH MY GOD

- “i was guessing” congrats betty, you’ve played yourself

- the offer that hiram made to fp actually sounds nice :((( if only he wasn’t so shady 

- archie is so far up hiram’s ass he sounds exactly like him

- YOU GO MARY! SCHOOL YO CHILD

- finally a parent (alice) talks bout safe sex to their kid (betty)!!! my mom is gonna be so happy when she watches this episode (yes i watch riverdale with my mom, no it’s not awkward during sex scenes because we watch every show together so we’re used to it)

- “absolutely not.” keep telling that to yourself alice

- alice cooper is my favorite cooper

- “he’s dangerous.” bitch so are you? you held a lighter up to his face?

- i thought alice killed that drug dealer is that what betty is saying he did

- cheryl doesn’t have red lipstick on in this hospital scene something’s gonna happen

- nana was being poisoned by the tea :((

- i guess i’m remembering this wrong i thought alice shot him (about the scene in chic’s room)

- how did betty not remember that he didn’t touch anything

- CHERYL DROP AND ROLL OUT OF THAT CAR NOW

- look at archie being all smart aw

- why is betty next to kevin?? stay away from my baby (kevin)

- this scene is actually really powerful? even though them chaining themselves to the school is a repetitive and cliche thing to do, the aesthetics and the filming of it is really cool

- can we see all those young serpents more often pls

- what is jughead talking about why does he think they’re gonna lose riverdale high? is it because of veronica running? bc no one’s gonna vote for her after those flyers

- uGH i can see him being a good president

- why is betty so done with her and veronica’s friendship? i really don’t get why she’s so mad at her?

- jughead, betty, and fp all living together. that’s a concept

- SOMEONE WRITE A HEADCANON OF ALICE BUSTING INTO THE TRAILER TO GET BETTY BACK AND THEN WE GET SOME CUTE FALICE ANGST

- i’m happy mary’s staying bc maybe with her around we’ll get more fred screen time #canyoutellilovefred

- FUCK YEAH FRED IS RUNNING

- toni topaz is the caring type of girlfriend who goes to her girl’s house when they aren’t in school pass it on!!

- but really though where is cheryl what are they doing to her

- CHERYL DOESN’T DESERVE THIS SHE’S BEEN EMOTIONALLY ABUSED FOR YEARS AND HAS LOST A BROTHER, FATHER, AND BEST FRIEND 

main takeaways

~ veronica is being manipulated by her parents and doesn’t deserve half of the shit that’s getting thrown at her

~ jughead is still cringey and extra

~ toni is the girlfriend of all of our dreams let’s be honest here

~ cheryl blossom doesn’t deserve this bullshit

~ betty cooper is mentally ill

~ chic is fp and alice’s son

~ #FredForMayor

[silverphoenixfeather]

Bonkai Appreciation Week 2017       —— Day 6: If I was a TVD writer, I would have changed...

(oh man, where do I even begin) this won’t be in chronological order, just in the order things got to my mind

This will be more of a rant so prepare yourself.

   1. Fucking tell Bonnie Bennett that Malachai Parker was risking his own life to save hers. Really, it still bothers me she never learned that it was him who kind of initiated and did everything to save her from the 1994 Prison World. Yes, I know it was also him who left her alone there, but would it really have been too much too include even a single line about how he was on the verge of death when he and Jeremy got to the Prison World one last time?

   2. Episode 6x22. Honestly, this episode was just... ugh, I can’t even describe it. Kai had just turned into this semi-decent human being who was trying to better himself, who was trying to do the right thing. I understand that he was hurt after Bonnie left him in 1903 but you can’t erase a characterization this quickly again (better connect this storyline to my first point which would’ve led to something different which I will explain further next). I know they killed Kai because Chris had to leave to do his role in Containment but they could’ve done it so much better than to give him this lame ass death.  And most importantly: CHANGE THIS CRINGEWORTHY DIALOGUE BETWEEN BONNIE AND KAI. As I was watching it I was constantly thinking ‘what the fuck is that? who wrote that shit?’ 

   3. Don’t leave Kai behind in 1903. Yeah, I know, he kind of deserved it for what he did... if (and that’s the important thing here) he still would’ve been the same person he was when he let Bonnie alone to die. Basically, it was more than evident that Bonnie had planned to do something, get her revenge on him but what would’ve happened if she had known he had saved her? 

   4. Let Bonnie spend more time with Kai. Take Damon out of all of it and let our powerful witches have some time alone (better yet, they should’ve let Damon die at the end of season 5 so that Bonnie could’ve come to the PW alone). Imagine the dynamics they could’ve had created if they had been together more often. Especially in 1994!  This counts for season 8, too. They would’ve had so many chances to have them interact but no... they only got their one scene in the newest Prison World, which leads to...

   5. ...Prison World Again?! Come on, doesn’t it get kinda tired to always ditch Kai in a Prison World? Let him live for some time, adjust to being with people. He had spent eighteen years in solitude - he certainly won’t change to be a better man if he doesn’t even get a chance to be around others. 

And that’s all I can think of right now - there are probably tons of things I forgot but I will always kinda be thankful for the incompetence of the writers. This way we can have all these great fanfictions about them to correct everything they have fucked up. 

(At least as of the end of season 8, Bonnie is the only one who can get into his Prison World which lowkey means that Bonkai is still endgame - sort of.)

[maryjanewannabee]

Winter Formal (Part 5/?)

Summary: Filming the second Spider-Man movie has been a breeze. You and Tom are lowkey dating, knowing that if Jon finds out and is angry, you can still get fired. Zendaya has remained jealous and has had her eye on the two of you for the past few months. But despite the obstacles, both of you are happy, even though today is the last day of filming. 

Warning: Swearing

A/N: This is way longer than I intended it to be but I’m really enjoying the storyline oops. I’m planning on only a couple more parts so bear with me. Also, can we take a moment to appreciate the beautiful moodboard @prkrptr put together for this story?! 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

I walked down the street to meet Tom at our favorite breakfast place and was pleased to find him at a table by the window with my meal already waiting for me. He was facing opposite the door so I was able to snake my arms around his back without him noticing. He jumped slightly at my touch and then eased into it, kissing my cheek as I went to sit opposite him. My chocolate chip pancakes and fruit cup waited for me. 

“I still don’t understand how you think that just because you get a fruit cup it’s healthy.” Tom said, shaking his head. I laughed before digging in. Tom ate a bagel and ham across from me, but I didn’t feel guilty about my pancakes. 

“It makes me feel like I’m on my way to being healthy so pipe down.” I said between chews. He grinned at me. That smile made me melt, even after months of dating. Aside from Harrison, Y/B/N, and our families, no one knew about us. Except Zendaya. But we steered clear of that situation. She had mostly left us alone in the past months, but would still insert little passive aggressive hits here and there when Jon was around, causing him to scrunch his brow in confusion before moving on. 

After breakfast we walked a few blocks to the studio, the pancakes hitting me a little harder as we strode up a hill. When we got to the studio we split up to get dressed. Today wardrobe was a little different. Today we would be in formal attire to shoot the winter formal dance scene. It couldn’t be Spider-Man: Winter Formal without one, of course. 

I sat in the hair and makeup chair a little longer, letting them apply sharp red lipstick and a winged eyeliner that could kill. They curled my hair and braided a simple fishtail crown on the top. I looked in the mirror and was shocked. I could’t wait to show Tom. But I couldn’t leave yet without the dress. I had helped choose the dress when we had been shopping months ago. A long princess-like gold skirt with a lace top and sleeves. We opted for red converse to complete the look. I twirled in the trailer, watching the golden skirt shine blue and purple in certain lights, and then picked up the tulle underneath and walked to the mock high school. 

Jon saw me first, smiling as he saw his vision coming to life again. Zendaya stood to the side wearing a body-hugging navy dress that ended right below her butt. It fit her. Her character had grown in this movie, progressing into a jealous girl who had clawed out of pain and into the limelight of high school. Our characters hated each other. Fitting. 

Suddenly, I spotted Tom across the gym where the mock dance would be held. He was running lines with Jacob and hadn’t seen me yet. Just then, Jacob nudged him and Tom looked up, confused, until he laid eyes on me. He just stared, his eyes lighting up. I blushed and turned to go over a couple lines with Jon. A few moments later Tom came over, asking Jon if he could borrow my character for a moment. 

I followed him to the side of the set where no one could see us and he grabbed my hips, leaning in for a kiss. I managed to stop him with a hand to the face. He pulled back, confused and slightly pissed. 

“You are not about to smudge this makeup.” I said with a laugh. He groaned and dug his face into my neck, kissing it tenderly. I shuttered. 

“You look beautiful, Y/N.” He whispered in my ear. I grinned, goosebumps circulating across my arms. “I love you so much.” Just then, Jon came around the corner, seeing Tom and I embracing. I pulled away quickly, but knew it was too late. I knew Jon was going to fire me now. It was over. He was going to find another Mary Jane and I would be out of a job. 

But he just gestured towards the set.

“We have a movie to wrap up, lovebirds!” He said, shocking Tom and I. Blushing, we both made our way to the dance floor set, seeing Zendaya fuming with rage. I knew she was going to visit Jon later. 

The scene was a sweet dance between Mary Jane and Peter, and with my mind swirling after Tom’s confession and Jon finding us, I almost forgot how to dance. Tom placed his hand on my waist as the first few notes of Say You Won’t Let Go by James Arthur came over the speakers. Tom pulled me close as the scene began and I breathed him in. 

“You look beautiful.” Tom said, following the script. I looked down, blushing, not having to act too much. There was a pause as we danced. “Mary Jane-” Tom began, hesitating. 

“Peter?” I inquired, trying to look into his struggling eyes. He turned to me. 

“Thank you.” He said. “Thank you for being there for me. For keeping my secret. For dealing with my...stuff...after the battle...up there.” He struggled getting the words out, mentioning the previous Infinity War movie. “I-You make me human. You keep me grounded and calm and peaceful and happy and I would have gone insane if you weren’t here in my arms right now letting me spill my guts to you.” Tom’s eyes glistened with tears, reminding everyone what a great actor he was. “I know it hasn’t been easy and I’m sorry- I’m sorry for putting you in danger and for making you keep this secret and-” I brought my hand up, cupping his face. 

“I don’t care that you’re Spider-Man.” I said, looking at him fully. “I don’t care that you save people’s asses every other night or that they kick yours the rest of them. It’s an added bonus, but it’s not what I love about you.” Tom looked up from trying to hide his tears, his character shocked at my words. “I love that you’re kind, and smart. and funny, and that you bring May thai when she cries. I love that you’re selfless enough to go out every night and get you’re ass kicked for the gokod of other people.” 

“Hey, not every-” Tom tried interjecting, but I held my hand up.

“Pipe down, tiger.” I said with a laugh, using Mary Jane’s pet name for Peter. “I love that you are man enough to let me hold you tight when the nightmares are too terrible and the anxiety too loud. And I love that you have shown me that not all men are shit and drink into a stupor and beat their daughters.” My voice started to break. “Sure, I like Spider-Man and all those other super dudes- but I love Peter Parker.” 

By then, both of us had tears streaming down our faces. Tom embraced me into a tight hug, burying his face in my neck like he had moments before. He drew back, and kissed me lightly. He leaned his forehead against mine, looking into my eyes. We swayed with the ending notes of the song until something crashed in the corner of the gym. Tom and I both shot our heads in the direction of the noise, knowing it was Doctor Octopus revving up a fight scene. I looked at Tom. 

“Go.” I said. He hesitated, looking at me. “Go!” I said it more forcefully and he nodded, pulling away from me, and running towards the wreckage. 

“Cut!” Jon called. Tom slowed, turning back to me. We all looked at Jon. He threw his hands up. “That’s a wrap!”

The studio erupted in cheers and everyone embraced, celebrating the end of filming. After we celebrated a little, I went back to my trailer, thinking. I had barely gotten in the door when it was opened again. Tom barged in, surprising me. 

“Tom!” I said in a scolding tone. “I could’ve been-”

“Y/N I meant it.” Tom interrupted me. I looked at him, my mind reeling. I knew what those words brought. For me it had only brought pain. Tom knew that. He understood. He wouldn’t be saying this if he wasn’t for sure. He took a step towards me, holding my waist. “I love you. I love you in this dress, I love you in sweats, I love you when you’re grouchy, I love you when you’re happy, I love everything about you.” 

My head spun as I realized I felt the same way. Every thing he said. Everything my character had just said, I felt all of it. He stood there in his tux, and I stood in my dress, and I said the scariest words I could possibly muster.

“I love you, Tom.”

Tags: @prkrptr @mrshollandparker