#lyrics from: to be alone - hozier

[secret-smut-sideblog]

Warm Water

Gale x F! Tav

PG-13 complicated feelings, touch starved/touch driven, allusions to intimacy, jealousy, love triangle (sort of), crossed signals, nuclear amounts of yearning

With one of Tav's love languages being physical affection, Gale tries to keep his touch hungry skin from her. The sirens call of her arms could overwhelm him, but he's far from the only one heeding her soft song...

Masterlist

-

"Do you want a hug?" Tav held her arms open in offer.

Gods did he ever.

Tav was a very physical person he soon came to realize. When she had pulled him from the stone she had reached forward to innocuously pat him free of dirt from his harsh landing.

"Oh! Thank you!" He had chuckled, trying to will the blood from his ears.

"No problem." She had remarked good naturedly, clearly thinking nothing of it.

Outside of their resident vampire, who's boundaries she respected by keeping distance, it seemed everyone enjoyed her physicality. Grappling with Lae'zel, braiding Shadowheart's hair, practicing dance with Wyll. Karlach was fully indisposed when she regained touch, watching from the sidelines no more. Carrying Tav on her back, holding hands, wrapped in a bear hug basically the whole day.

Gods Tav shared literal bear hugs with Halsin.

But Gale... he nearly avoided her. He had been touch starved for so long that what she offered felt borderline gluttonous. Overwhelming his senses, reducing him to a giddy puddle.

He knew she meant nothing by it. She was affectionate with everyone, and yet it made his heart flutter.

He was having a hard night, grappling with emotional assailants from all sides. Between his personal woes, their daunting task at Moonrise, the constant oppressive atmosphere of the Shadowlands, and the needling pain in his chest... it was difficult to stay in high spirits.

Tav had finished her plate, setting it down to be washed. Turning to him with warm eyes to ask.

He stared at her outstretched arms, the solace and weight he knew lied within them.

With a shuddering breath of defeat, he mumbled an agreement and fell into her embrace.

Immediately, he melted into her, strong arms wrapped securely around his back. One hand rubbing reassuring circles between his shoulder blades. His head fell into the curve of her neck, nearly whimpering.

Gods, she was so warm. In all ways, truly, but her body was the morning sun. Radiating intoxicating heat, he pulled her closer greedily.

He knew it was Astarion that was sun starved, but Gods. He needed to touch her, to be touched by her, like he needed water.

He feared he was pushing it, but she only rested her head against his chest. Her eyelashes tickling his neck, sighing. Arms crossing around his waist.

It could have only been a minute at most, but it felt simultaneously like an age and a blip. So much and not nearly enough.

When she made to pull away, he had to coaxe his arms to release. Immediately feeling her absence like bath water fallen cold.

"You're a good hugger." She smiled, wiping a tear he hadn't felt escape with the side of her thumb. Hand naturally cupping his face in the process.

His eyes closed, leaning into her like a cat pushing it's head into her hand, before he caught himself. Straightening up and giving her a casual smile.

"Well, I'm glad we could both enjoy that experience. Not spending tender moments making a fool of myself is one of my goals, truly."

She laughed, and it lit up his heart like it always did. Her laugh was a bright point in their otherwise suffocating surroundings. The way it tumbled out of her uncontrolled, seeming to catch her off guard which often made her laugh harder. The way she would turn her head to the side before bursting out into giggles. He even got her to snort one time, her hand shooting up to cover her mouth, even more gasping laughter muffled there.

He was trying to deny that he was smitten with her, but it was a losing battle. Everything about her was so warm. Mortal. A tenderness and tenacity that you can only achieve walking the earth. A polar inverse of his previous lover.

Her voice broke him out of his lovesick reverie.

"Do you want help washing up?" She offered as if to prove his point, already twisting her hair up into a secure pile on her head.

The chivalrous part of him wanted to wave her away, let her get on with her night. But he had always been a greedy man, and more time spent with her was a call he was loathe to refuse.

"Sure, I could use an extra pair of hands." He smiled.

He could use them elsewhere, too.

He cleared his throat into a quiet cough, keeping his eyes firmly on the dishes he was stacking. Gods, get ahold of yourself.

He conjured a mage hand to carry one of the heavier stacks, leaving her to the lesser of the piles.

She hummed softly as they headed towards the water, a few strands falling out of her tied back hair. The setting sun kissing her form with hues of pink and gold.

As if her warmth wasn't enough to entice him, Tav was devastatingly beautiful. Wide slightly upturned eyes, the graceful slope of high cheekbones and an aquiline nose, heart-shaped lips perfectly encapsulated by two dimples.

Naturally, several sets of eyes watched her in longing as they left the camp.

He wasn't fooling himself that he could stand up to the competition. Halsin especially, outside of their strife in unraveling the cause of the shadow curse, that man looked at her like she rose the sun. Practically forming hearts in his eyes when she would come over to chat.

Once she had trouble reaching some fruit in a tree, and he, unprompted, lifted her in one motion onto his shoulders. She had squealed out a delighted laugh, then refused to get down. Kicking her feet, palms sitting on top of his head. They had walked around camp like this was the most normal thing, only Halsin's big smile betraying his usual calm demeanor.

Even Karlach had started to develop a shy flirty rapport with her, her tail swaying and curling when they stood together. Absent-mindedly leading her by her lower back. Staring after her when they would end conversations with a quiet sigh.

And though their resident vampire insisted that she got on his nerves, Gale knew better. One night he had gotten up to get water, naturally passing Astarion's open tent. They were both kneeled inside, their nightly feeding session.

Astarion was completely slumped into her, drinking languidly. One of her hands running gently through his curls, other secure around his waist. Head leaned into his.

She had caught eyes with Gale over Astarion's shoulder as he passed, smiling sweetly, lifting her fingers in greeting.

The whole scene was so intimate, but she treated it as if it were natural. And, truly, was it not? She had the mesmerizing presence of comfort and calm that people gravitated toward. It honestly shocked him more that only a handful of their companions were chomping at the bit.

They set up next to the water, him washing and her drying. A dish rag slung over her shoulder. They worked together like a dance, the moment feeling like a microcosm of imitated domestic bliss. He could so easily imagine her doing this with him in his tower. Sitting on the counter, receiving dishes as he handed them off. Teasing each other, her foot bothering his side. Eventually giving up on the dishes altogether and bending her over the cou-

"Careful! We almost lost a goblet!" She teased, catching the glass as it slipped downstream from him. "I don't think Wyll could recover." She laughed, drying it in a practiced twist of her towel.

"Ah, apologies. I'm a little lost in thought tonight." He offered sheepishly.

"Any you care to share?"

Not if she wasn't about to get very comfortable with an array of unvetted topics very quickly.

She saw his hesitation and smiled knowingly, returning to her task. "You know, I'm surprised you agreed to let me help with this, I kind of got the impression you don't like me."

He stared at her, flabbergasted. Pausing his hands entirely.

Only starting back up when her hands emptied, offering up a flat palm for the next cutlery.

"That"s... not the impression I was trying to impart. I ensure you."

She sighed, the slightest air of relief. "I'm glad. I'm expecting so many more hugs in the future. To make up for lost time, of course. Just a criminal amount."

He smiled at her, scrunching up his nose playfully. "Oh? You're involving me in grand scale crime rings now?"

"Yeah. Ring these arms around your neck, boy."

He laughed loudly, fully dropping a cup into the river.

"Oh, goodbye..." She laughed, mock wistful watching it go.

"I think you've been a great help, but perhaps it's best I finish this undistracted." He teased, embarrassed heat in his ears.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm very cute, I know." She winked, lifting the dried dishes and slapping the towel down on his shoulder.

She leaned down and gave him a quick kiss on his forehead, heading back toward camp casually. "See you later, wizard."

It took a second to break out of the short circuit his brain struck him with.

He watched her go, Halsin taking up beside her when she returned. Taking the dish pile from her easily with one hand.

Gods damnit. This is why he had been holding back from her. There was no shot in all of the hells, and he didn't know if his heart could take it.

The Last Light Inn was lit up with happy drunken chatter, and Gale was searching tops of heads to find her stark black hair.

The day had proven grueling but surprisingly successful. Art woken and Thaniel returned, even the prisoners in the Moonrise basement freed. They were leaps and bounds closer to lifting the shadow curse and the mood was jovial. Tav had decided they should celebrate, and all present company agreed. They needed a little revelry with all that had passed and what was to come.

Gale was standing on the balcony, more than happy to keep back from the crowd. Chatting idly with passerby's but mostly just people watching. A pleasant buzz going from the good liquor they had found in a crate.

Of course his eyes led back to her. Sitting next to Shadowheart, Tav's ankle resting against hers. Tapping her foot against Shadowheart's playfully as they talked.

Silver hair weaved through the crowd, falling in a dramatic huff next to her. Handing them their drinks, Tav and Shadowheart's faces lighting with inebriated glee.

If Tav was affectionate sober, she was a puppy with a little wine in her.

Taking her drink, she turned to Astarion, cupping his face and gently kissing his cheek. Pulling back to say something, her face relaxed. So sweetly smiling at him.

He saw Astarion gently lead her hand away from him but left their fingers touching. The tips of his ears pink in his own inebriation.

The massive form of Halsin left Jaheira's side, patting her shoulder in familiarity. The next to head towards her.

He crouched down to her to say something. She cocked her head slightly, smiling up at him, nodding.

Halsin bent his shoulder down and pulled her by the waist onto him. Hooked by the hips on his wide shoulder. Her legs curled up, face open in a laugh. Waving goodbye to the collective from his back as she was carried outside.

Before his feet had spoken to his mind, he was following them out, leaving his glass on the banister.

He lost them for a moment, then caught that blue shone black hair at the animal pen. Tav gently petting a calf's nose as Halsin spoke softly.

Something stopped him then, the jealousy fueled stride of his feet slowing. They were so soft in this moment, and he no longer had the incense to intervene. Maybe it was the wine wearing off, but it suddenly felt childish to barge in.

Tav's eyes caught him regardless, waving him over excitedly.

He smiled, going to her much more kindly.

"Gale! Look! Bab-ey cows..." She hummed happily.

"Indeed. Fascinating creature, that." He teased.

"Big brown eyes~" She sing-songed. "Like you!"

The herculean strength it was taking not to kiss her, the wine rendering her adorable.

Halsin was looking at her in what his face must be echoing. Soft and smitten.

"Ah, I would cherish more time together, but I must tend to Thaniel." Halsin rumbled, adoration creasing his face when her eyes met his. "In the meantime, I will procur some fresh lavender for you."

"Thank you, and no rush!" She chirped up at him.

He smiled, palming the top of her head.

"Goodnight, sweetheart." He looked to Gale. "Make sure she returns safe."

"I can handle myself..." She huffed.

Gale nodded solemnly to Halsin regardless. The druid seemed satisfied by the conviction in his face, patting her head twice before departing.

Tav waved to the little calf and without further discussion took Gale's hand and started walking.

His fingers instinctually wove into hers before he could process what was happening. Pulled to walk easily.

They had arrived at the dock, the moon ribboned water lapping gently.

She pulled her boots off with a little grunt, letting her feet dangle in the tide. Falling back onto the sea fragrant wood with a satisfied sigh.

He followed her lead, the cool water surprisingly pleasant, swelling softly along his ankles. Back flat, staring up at the tapestry of stars. Insect call rising and falling like breath.

"So... lavender?" He tried, shockingly short on words.

"Oh! It's for hair oils. Surprisingly, maintaining hair this long is kind of difficult in the wilderness." She kicked her legs slowly as she spoke.

"You know, my mother taught me how to braid..." He offered.

"A rare skill set." She remarked solemnly, the edge of a cheeky smile on her lips.

"I'm trying to offer you some help, you ingrate." He admonished.

"Mm-hmm," Her lips pressed together hard, trying to contain the wide smile he could see her fighting. "And I'm sure I've got a gold star around here somewhere. Hold on let me check..."

She rose, making to run off, already giggling.

He caught her around the waist, and before his mind could speak to his body, pulled her into him.

Their mouths slid together so easily. He moaned softly, her lips falling plush and velvet against his. Lighting a molten in his core and a high call in his heart.

She kissed him back for an exquisite and terribly short moment, then pulled back. Lips leaving him to drop slightly open in wide-eyed shock.

Oh. Oh Gods, he had not meant to do that.

"I'm sorry, I uh," He stumbled, already rising to feet. "It seems I've had too much wine..."

He cleared his throat, picking up his boots, eyes determined on the shore. "I'll just, I'll head back to camp. Pardon me."

Quick feet took him up the boardwalk, white knuckle gripping boot leather.

Spotting that shock of white hair rounding the corner, he steeled his face.

"Astarion, Tav is on the dock. Make sure she gets back to camp safe." He commanded.

Astarion seemed confused and offended to be given a order, until he saw the state of him. His keen eyes picking up on his red fluster with a wide malicious smile.

"Of course, Gale dearest." He purred, clearly relishing in his obvious blunder. "She's in practiced hands for the night."

He breathed the next words in a breathy hum. "Enjoy the remainder of yours, darling."

Gale watched him go, clenching his jaw so hard it initiated a headache. Or was that the wine? Did it matter?

Astarion walked on heels, hands clasped behind his back. Exuding the satisfaction of a cat with a saucer of milk. Step brightening even more when she caught sight of him approaching.

In the time he had left her side, she had disrobed down to her underclothes. Gesturing toward Astarion then the water in an upturned hand, saying something to him, eyebrows raised mischievously.

Gale halted entirely, suddenly very certain he had made a mistake walking away from her.

He heard the bark of Astarion's laugh at her offer, pulling his shirt over his shoulders.

His yearning kept his eyes on her long enough to watch her lower into the water. But he couldn't take any more, chest aching. Shame propelling his feet further from her.

Truly, no one could get in his own way quite like himself. Circling angrily around the brick corner, eyes scanning determinedly until he found who he was seeking.

"Jaheira, where can you find lavender in this Gods forsaken wasteland?"

~

Part 2

[possibly-a-table-or-just-gay]

'It's the god heroin prays to'

ANDREW

HOZIER

BYRNE.

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

L for the music ask game 😊

Ohh hi and thank you for the ask!! Lots of great songs starting with L in my music library <3

[mariemariemaria]

eat your young HAS to be a reference to a modest proposal right??

[noxtivagus]

head in hands thinking of hermes n ebenholz

[nevergonnaloveagain-hey]

Hozier Dating Headcannons

He would definitely love to date someone who is more of an old soul, someone who loves older literature or music 

Expect regular serenades after he writes songs about you and personal concerts when you ask to hear a certain song. These moments would probably be very intimate and would just happen in the comfort of your home together.

You would be the first to hear any new ideas he has for his music and would read you his lyrics, asking you what you think he should change. And of course, you can’t think of anything that could make it any better since it is already so beautiful which infuriates him to no end (he loves you tho)

He seems like the kind of partner to go all out for anniversaries or birthdays and would set up really special dates and surprise outings, always making sure that you are comfortable and having fun. He would probably take you to secluded places surrounded by nature where you can just enjoy each other's company with no one else around.

He would hand write you beautiful letters especially when he is going away on tour or if he is going to be having a late night in the studio and won’t see you for a while

He values his privacy and would most likely keep your relationship lowkey and private. He wouldn’t hide you and wouldn’t hesitate to talk about you a little every now and then but he also wouldn’t tell everyone too much about your relationship, he likes to keep certain things to himself.

He would support you in everything that you do, whether it’s just a project that you have taken up or if it is something for work, he would be right behind you at all times cheering you on. If you start to doubt yourself, he would be the one to tell you how well you are doing and would motivate you 

He has a lot of appreciation for you especially since he knows it can be difficult to be with him when he is really focused on his music or if he is touring. So he would always express how thankful he is that you are there for him, even during tough times.

Considering his love for art and literature, he would love to take you on little museum or gallery dates and would definitely tell you the backstory of certain pieces if you seemed interested. He would also take note of the kind of books, poems or art you like and would give you unique gifts inspired by this.

Despite his fame, he is very grounded and values his private time and time with family, so he would love a partner who listens and values your opinions and alone time together. He would love to see you with his family and is in love with how much his parents and friends adore you.

If you’re not Irish, he would love to introduce you to certain foods or traditions from Ireland. He is always really excited to see your reaction to trying Irish snacks/drinks and remembers what you like or dislike

He is a big ‘I remember you said you like this, so i got it for you’ partner. He remembers everything about you, from your favourite food to your favourite songs or movies and even your favourite piece of jewelry

He is a very emotional guy and at first he struggles to open up to you but as your relationship grows, he becomes more comfortable being himself around you and knows you would never judge him just like how he would never judge you. Once he becomes fully comfortable with you, there is not one thing he wouldn't tell you and never hides anything from you. He trusts you with everything.

As I said he is a very private guy, so he wouldn’t be a big fan of PDA but as your relationship goes on, he will start to be more open about it and will show you off whenever he can. He loves hand holding and will periodically kiss your temple and or the back of your hand when you are out

Part 2!!

[fawnforevergone]

The Ultimate List of Dante References in Hozier's "Unreal Unearth" !!

Hello and welcome to my new-and-updated ultimate compilation of all 'Inferno' references I found in Hozier's new album! If I think of anything else, or if anyone else suggests something, I will be sure to add it, but, for now, enjoy this ridiculously long (you've been warned) list I made!

Since I didn't wanna make a post for every individual song and spam you all, the songs are separated by their respective circles! I hope that organises stuff a bit more :]

Usual disclaimer: I could be wrong about some stuff! I've read 'Inferno' and try to stick to the objective references, but sometimes I let subjective interpretation bleed through. If anyone has any corrections for anything, just lmk!! Okay, cool <3

DESCENT:

"De Selby (Part 1)"

We start the album not in the circles, but instead at the Gates of Hell. One of the main themes of Inferno is darkness, and these first two songs are embodiments of that.

The lyrics mention the idea of this being a "new empty space", suggesting that Hozier is being introduced to the feeling of Inferno through the relationship he's singing about, and, so, we begin the descent.

"The likes of a darkness so deep that God at the start couldn't bear." God is obviously a large theme of Inferno and is, biblically, the creator of light, hence the absence of it in Inferno. In fact, the first three stanzas all reference the heavy darkness of the threshold and its estrangement from God.

The Irish/Gaeilge lyrics roughly translate to: "Although you're bright and light, you arrive to me like night fall. You and I, together. You and I, metamorphized. Although you're bright and light, you arrive to me like night fall. The art of transformation is a dark art." The imagery of light and dark mixing together mimics the idea of walking from the brightness of Earth into the darkness of Inferno.

This entire album appears to be the recounting of a relationship and how it feels like walking through Inferno. Here we see the beginning of this relationship, of Hozier losing himself to the threshold.

"De Selby (Part 2)"

Part one appeared to be the step through the gates, whereas part two seems to be Hozier being enveloped by the threshold. In 'Inferno', Dante says the entrance to Hell is a darkness that no stars could shine in. We hear this shift from Earth to Unearth through the production alone; the weightlessness of part one falling into the heavy grunge of part two.

"Your heart, love, has such darkness, I feel it in the corners of the room." The theme of dark continues, as it will through the entire album, but, this time, Hozier feels it radiating from within his lover rather than the space around them. Though, him saying his lover carries darkness is not an insult. This extra depth to his lover is something more to know, something more to love. This idea actually differs from Dante, who sees the darkness as deceitful.

"I want to be so far from sight and mind." Inferno is a lawless place. He would be far from sight due to the darkness, and far from mind due to the insanity that persists within the circles.

"Let all time slow, let all light go." This lyric shows me that he has been submerged in the threshold. Again, the lack of light, but also the slowing of time. Punishment after death is eternal, something that time has no grasp on. Hozier is willing to let these aspects take a hold of him.

"I'd still know you not being shown you, I'd only need the workin' of my hands." Christianity is a heavy theme of Inferno, and this lyric plays on the proverb 'Idle hands are the devil's workshop', a proverb Hozier also hinted at in his song "No Plan" (from 'Wasteland, Baby!') - "My heart is thrilled by the still of your hand."

Now, though, Hozier's hands aren't idle, instead the opposite, his hands are working as God intended. Drawing us back to that idea we were given at the end of part one, we get the feeling that Hozier is bringing something light/Godly to Inferno, and he and his lover are fusing the ideas of Heaven/Earth and Hell.

FIRST (LIMBO):

"First Time"

We now enter circle number one, 'Limbo'. Limbo is an uneventful circle for those not worthy of punishment but also not fit for Heaven. It is mainly for those who do not believe in God, the unbaptised.

Firstly, to get to circles, Dante and his guide, Virgil, must be chaperoned by the Greek Psychopomp Charon down the river Acheron, and we see that in Hozier's first couple stanzas.

"And the soul - if that's what you'd call it, uneasy ally of the body - felt nameless as a river, undiscovered underground." This appears to be Hozier mentioning the river Acheron, one of the five rivers of the Underworld that surround Hades, and, in 'Inferno', are used to transport the souls of the dead to their respective circles.

"The first time that you kissed me, I drank dry the river Lethe." The river Lethe is another one of the five rivers, and is one that causes anyone who drinks from it to forget everything they know. Hozier is simply saying that kissing this person wiped his mind clean, similar to the end of "De Selby (Part 1)" where he mentions partaking in a transformation.

"Some part of me died / Some part of me came alive the first time that you called me 'Baby'." Relating to the previous quote, souls that drink from the river Lethe usually do so before being reincarnated, so they forget their past life. Hozier seems to experiment with the idea of being reborn by his partner's love for him - an idea prevalent throughout his entire discography.

"To share the space with simple living things, infinitely suffering, but fighting off - like all creation - the absence of itself." This lyric tells us that we should not ignore the privilege of living just out of the fear of dying. This lyric is reminiscent of "All Things End" and the circle of Heresy. Since Limbo is home to those who don't believe in God, the theme of Heresy is a very fitting one.

SECOND (LUST):

"When I was young, I used to guess 'Are there limits to any emptiness?'" The punishment for those in Limbo is to exist eternally with the curse of a hollow, empty feeling meant to represent the lack of God in their lives. This punishment seems referenced in this lyric.

[ i ended up thinking about this song more so if you want even more "first time" content, here ya go: "first time dante references." ]

"Francesca"

Into circle number two, 'Lust', we have the story of Francesca Da Rimini, a woman Dante spoke to during his visit to circle two. Francesca fell in love with her husband's brother, Paolo, and when her husband discovered the affair he murdered them both.

Hozier seems to be singing from the perspective of Francesca/Paolo but throughout the album we see Hozier liken his lover to aspects of Inferno - darkness in "De Selby (Part 2)" or Lucifer in "Unknown / Nth" - so the story of Francesca and Paolo is fitting as another metaphor here.

"Do you think I'd give up? That this might've shook the love from me?" Even in Hell, Paolo and Francesca physically cling onto another. They do not let their death affect their love.

"My life was a storm since I was born. How could I fear any hurricane?" The punishment in Lust is an eternal storm meant to replicate the throws of passionate love - a storm also depicted in the production of the end of this song. Hozier/Francesca/Paolo says that it's impossible for them to care about this punishment when life was already as treacherous as it was.

The whole chorus emphasises the imagery of Francesca and Paolo not being able to let go of each other.

"When the heart would cease, ours never knew peace. What good what it be on the far side of things?" Francesca and Paolo lived their love secretly and anxiously, so what good would peace be in the afterlife when they've already become accustomed to difficulty?

"Heaven is not fit to house a love like you and I." In the opening songs of the album, Hozier describes his lover as darkness, akin to something God cannot bear. Due to the depth of his lover, the mix of light and dark they've made, he believes Heaven would crumble beneath the weight of their relationship. That something as corrupt as Inferno is the only place suitable for them to live.

"I, Carrion (Icarian)"

Still in circle two, Hozier plays on Dante's own metaphor. In Canto 17, Dante refers to his own dread of descending Inferno to the same dread that the 'ill-fated Icarus' must've felt on his fall from the sky.

Hozier twists this, instead comparing his love to the hope Icarus must've felt as he flew towards the sun. He said, during a live show, this song is based on the idea hat Icarus never realised he fell, and woke up dead, too clouded by joy to realise what had happened.

"If the wind turns, if i hit a squall, allow the ground to find its brutal way to me." Again, we mention the storm of circle two. Lust is also said to have treacherous terrain - sharp rocks and jagged stone - that seems to be hinted at in the second half of this lyric.

"While you're as heavy as the world that you hold your hands beneath." This imagery seems reminiscent of the Greek Titan, Atlas, who holds up the Earth on his back. Dante talks about seeing Titans and Biblical Giants at the transition point of circle eight to circle nine, 'Fraud' to 'Treachery', which makes this lyric a sad hint to where Hozier will end up finding his lover; Taking the place of Lucifer in the deepest part of Inferno.

THIRD (GLUTTONY):

"Eat Your Young"

We enter the third circle of Inferno, 'Gluttony'. There are no specific references to Inferno, but the concept of gluttony is apparent. Hozier does what he frequently does throughout this album; He refuses to see the sin as "right or wrong" as Dante so stubbornly implies.

Hozier often divulges in a grey area, a spectrum or sale of severity, when it comes to the sin. Hozier's perspective seems more nuanced than Dante's, seeing sin as layered rather than objectively bad. In this specific song, he displays the different sources of hunger in humans, and where the line should be drawn.

"I'm starvin', darlin', let me put my lips to something, let me wrap my teeth around the world." We start, and reference back to in verse two, a sexual hunger, a harmless passion between two people. This is an innocent side of the sin, not deserving of the punishment of Lust which is to be ripped apart by Cerberus (the three-headed dog from Greek mythology) for all eternity.

However, Hozier moves onto the hunger of politics.

"Pull up the ladder when the flood comes." The government refusing to help the people when the sea levels rise.

"Throw enough rope until the legs have swung." When you don't have a ladder, you use a rope. This lyric plays on the notion of when governments give the impression they are helping, but are only making things worse - a take on the saying 'Give someone enough rope and they'll hang themselves', since what else are they meant to do with it?

"Skinnin' the children for a war drum, puttin' food on the table selling bombs and guns." The hunger for power manifests in war.

"It's quicker and easier to eat your young." Here, Hozier uses the common saying in a more literal sense, saying that if these politicians are hungry enough to destroy the world, they may as well physically eat their young, since it'll have the same effect.

FOURTH (GREED):

"Damage Gets Done"

This song takes place in circle four, 'Greed'! The title of the song alone is already very meaningful. In circle four, the main punishment is that the inhabitants are split into two groups and are forever forced to charged into each other and fight. Dante describes them are being so injured and damaged that they have become 'unrecognisable'.

The song is about greed within the changing of the world. It's about growing up and losing the naivety and innocence you once had, no longer able to ignore the burden of politics and money. Hozier and Brandi sing about the excitement of being young and in love, but, with the rise of inflation, it's hard to exist like that anymore - You need greed to survive.

"Wish I had known it was just our turn being blamed for a world we had no power in." This seems to be a reference to two things. One, the idea that governments blame the people for their own poverty, and Two, the idea of arriving in circle four by no fault of your own. It's not their fault they wanted more money with the world being how it is, but, nevertheless, they're being punished for it.

"I haven't felt it since then. I don't know when the feeling ended, but I know being reckless and young is not how the damage gets done." They talk about the enjoyment of the love they're singing about fading, and how they miss that, but they know that, again, this is not their fault. They know they didn't change, the world did, and they won't take responsibility for their 'sin' when all they did was adapt.

As aforementioned, the inhabitants of the fourth circle suffer extreme injuries, so Hozier saying "I know being reckless and young is not how the damage gets done" is him saying "I know that we are not at fault for being served the punishment of Greed."

FIFTH (WRATH / ANGER):

"Who We Are"

We enter the fifth circle, 'Wrath', where the inhabitants spend their time fighting to stay at the surface of the river Styx, another one of the five rivers of the underworld.

"Falling from you drop by drop." / "To hold me like water." These lyrics obviously give the idea of water, representing the river Styx.

"Or, Christ, hold me like a knife." This lyric comes in quite loudly, Hozier's voice strengthening with it. The subtle blasphemy of "Christ" and the violent imagery of "knife" comes across as a sort of anger. Being held "like a knife" is representative of how those is Wrath must feel - like they are something particularly dangerous, but still desperate to be held.

"We're born at night, so much of our lives is just carving through the dark to get so far." Again, this theme of darkness that is so frequently displayed in Inferno is mentioned again. After this song comes "Son Of Nyx", which Hozier said was the transition into the darker half of the album, and Nyx is the Goddess of the Night. Being "born at night" would make Hozier the son of the night, the son of Nyx. This gives the impression that, if the album is following on chronologically, this is the point where the relationship portrayed in the album begins to fray as Hozier starts to be consumed by the darkness.

"And the hardest part is who we are." Those in the circle of Wrath possess a 'savage self-frustration' that Hozier seems to represent throughout this whole song - A fierce annoyance with the way he and his lover let things go: "We sacrificed, we gave our time to something undefined", "Chasing someone else's dream", Etc.

SIXTH (HERESY):

"Son Of Nyx"

We have no lyrics for this song (though you can hear him faintly saying some things, one of which is him saying "who we are...") but we know it takes place in circle six, 'Heresy'. Heresy is a belief or opinion that is contradictory to religious doctrine, especially Christianity. As aforementioned, Hozier said this track is a transition song meant to replicate a descent into the darker half of the album.

Nyx is a Greek Goddess and is often known as the personification of night. She had many children all representing different things but the title would essentially mean 'The Son Of Night', and, as dissected in the previous song, we can see that Hozier sees himself as reborn into the darkness.

Once again, darkness is a large theme of Inferno, but Hozier saying in circle six that he is the Son of Night is particularly meaningful due to the association of light with God. He has been reborn as something that could not be further from God, something that opposes the idea of God, something of a Heretic.

Nyx was feared and respected by all, including Zeus, and, though I believe there is no reference to her in Inferno, she was described as residing in the dark recesses of the Underworld, which is heavily incorporated into Inferno.

"All Things End"

This song does not have many overt references to circle six but definitely incorporates the idea of heresy. As mentioned, heresy is an idea that contradicts (especially, but not always) Christianity. In this song, Hozier talks about the ephemeral nature of all things, particularly romance.

"When people say that something is forever, either way it ends." Whether it be death or a break-up, God doesn't plan for you to be able to spend eternity with your lover.

"Movin' on in time and taking more from everything that ends." Hozier, however, argues that things still have meaning beyond their end. That, even after moving on, we will remember and learn from the things we have lost.

"Just knowin' that everything will end should not change our plans." Throws back to the idea of the second verse of "First Time". If you avoided something just because it was going to end eventually, you would never achieve anything. That's like refusing to finish a movie just because you don't want to get to the credits.

When this concept of ignoring the end comes to death, we ultimately cross the concept of God. There are many rules people follow in religion, avoiding certain things because they are against 'God's Will'. Although this practice can be kept in moderation, it can quickly become self-imprisoning.

Not living your present life out of fear for an unproven afterlife can be limiting, especially if you dictate who you love due to what supernatural punishment may or may not follow. Hozier sings that we should not let God's plan interfere with what we need from life, allowing ourselves to indulge in love even if it will end - ultimately, Heresy.

SEVENTH (VIOLENCE):

"To Someone From A Warm Climate (Uiscefhuaraithe)"

This song places in circle seven, 'Violence'. Violence is split into three subcategories, or 'rings'; Violence against others, violence against self, and violence against God. I believe this song gives an overview of all three.

With this song, we recognise that the title says "To someone..." and Hozier said this song was a gift to someone who was from a geographical warm climate, but there is also a lot of heat in circle seven.

"A joy, hard learned in winter, was the warming of the bed." Throughout this song, Hozier describes himself as cold, and his lover as warm. The idea of warming the bed is a concept Hozier mentioned in his song "Nobody" (From 'Wasteland, Baby!') where he sings that, if he had a choice between the warm bed of his lover or performing on stage, he'd go home to the bed. Since this song comes after "All Things End" (the break-up song), this call back to "Nobody" could be instead referencing a permanent distance, rather than a temporary one (like the temporary distance in "Nobody").

"And, darlin', all my dreaming has only been put to shame." This could have two meanings. One, Hozier waking from a dream about his lover to find them not here. Or, two, Hozier's expectations of his lover falling short as their relationship has finally fallen through. These expectations could be a form of violence against self, the second ring, as he set himself up for heartbreak.

"And I wish that I could say that the river of my arms have found the ocean. I wish I could say the cold lake water of my heart- Christ, it's boilin' over." As mentioned, Hozier is cold, his lover is warm. His wishes he could find something to to fill the loss of his relationship, but he still feels the heat from his lover in every part of him.

"It's boilin' over." References the river of boiling blood in the first ring, violence against others, Hozier could be talking about the way his partner loved him, how that was almost an act of violence with how hard it is to now let go.

"Butchered Tongue"

This song has less references to 'Inferno', and is more of a commentary on the act of violence itself. Hozier sings of places and cultures lost to the violence of man, and he mourns this deeply.

"To say 'Appalacicola' or 'Hushpukena', like 'Gweebara'. A promise softly sung of somewhere else." This grieving for a time when native land wasn't colonised and culture wasn't violently erased is prevalent throughout the song.

In the second verse, he sings very strongly of the brutal acts inflicted upon Irish rebels by the British forces in the Wexford Rebellion of 1789. As we know, Hozier is from Ireland, and he incorporates both the Irish language and history into this album, and recounting such violent acts for this song feeds into the grieving of what has been lost: "Between what is lost forever and what can still be known."

In the context of 'Inferno', it feels as though Hozier is listing the sort of actions that would land someone within the circle of Violence whilst also appreciating the efforts those above ground take to preserve erased culture. Altogether, the song is a very moving commentary on modern violence.

EIGHTH (FRAUD):

"Anything But"

The eighth circle is 'Fraud', split into ten subcategories that are positioned around the circle in trench-like ditches, known as 'Bolgia'.

"I wanna be loud, so loud, I'm talking seismic," follows up with, "I want to be as soft as a single rock in a rain stick." Who he wants to be fluctuates between moderation and severity. He is changing, unreliable, possibly referring to bolgia one, Panders and Seducers. Seducers tend to 'lead astray', as Hozier's unreliable narration does.

The punishment of bolgia one is to be marched backwards and forwards rapidly whilst being whipped, very much evoking the imagery of a stampede: "If I were a stampede, you wouldn't get a kick." This alludes to the fact that if Hozier were sent to hell for the various sins he commits for his lover, he wouldn't resent them for it at all.

"If I was a riptide, I wouldn't take you out." The second bolgia of Fraud is for Flatterers, 'the act of giving excessive compliments, sometimes for romantic courtship'. Obviously, the song is filled with these compliments.

"I hear He touches your hand and then you fly away together. If I had his job, you'd live forever." The imagery of "fly away" gives the idea of ascending, perhaps to Heaven, as hinted at again by the idea of the longevity of living. Bolgia three is for Simoniacs, those who would sell church roles, offices, or sacred things. This seems to fit with Hozier saying that if he had a divine role, he wouldn't follow protocol, he would allow his lover immortality.

Simoniacs were sinners because they were disobeying God's trust, because the selling of divine roles would lead to corruption in the Church. Hozier is using this hyperbolically, saying that if someone were to sell him the role of God, he would most definitely be a corrupt power.

"I'd lower the world in a flood, or better yet I'd cause a drought." In bolgia four we have Sorcerers. Although Dante used this term in a more logical sense for fraudulent sorcerers - false prophets, fortune tellers, those who lied about the plans of God - Hozier uses the term in a supernatural sense. Sorcerers were punished for trying to interrupt God's prerogative, whereas Hozier is blatantly saying he would summon another flood, usurping God's plan overtly.

"I'm talking seismic." The bridge that leads to bolgia seven was collapsed by the great earthquake and, as we know, seismic activity leads to earthquakes.

"Worry the cliff side top as a wave crashing over." There happens to be a cliff near the entrance of circle eight that a large waterfall plunges over.

"Abstract (Psychopomp)"

This song appears to be the crossover point from circle eight to circle nine that I mentioned when discussing "I, Carrion (Icarian)". Before we get to that, the title itself is significant.

A psychopomp is a chaperon of death; Someone like the Grim Reaper, or Charon from "First Time", or Dante's guide through Inferno, Virgil. Here, Hozier is describing the act of hitting an animal with your car as taking on the role of a psychopomp, whilst also relating this idea to the act of letting a relationship die, leading it from life to death.

In the crossover point from eight to nine, Dante and Virgil stand and look at the large well that leads down to circle nine, 'Treachery'. The Titians and Giants burst out of the well, to big to fit, but their feet stand stubbornly in Treachery. I believe that, at this point in the album, Hozier stands here, too. He's visited all eight circles, and has one last place to go before he leaves Inferno, and ultimately his lover, behind. This song is him realising he has to let his relationship end, he has to act as a psychopomp for his love.

"Sometimes it returns like rain that you've slept through." Circle nine, 'Treachery', is a frozen over lake, aka a memory of water, similar to the residue of rain. With viewing this song as the predecessor to "Unknown / Nth", we can take this as a hint of what's to come.

"The Earth from a distance." Since Inferno is arranged in rings (like a circular staircase), Dante could feasibly look up and still see where he started his journey. The same way Hozier could look up and see where his relationship began, "De Selby (Part 1)", The Gates.

"Streetlights in the dark blue." We have the mix of light and dark again, as mentioned in the opening track, referencing back to Hozier and his partner falling in love.

"Darling, there's a part of me I'm afraid will always be trapped within an abstract of my life." Of course, Hozier is talking about the memory of the animal hit with the car here, but the way this relates to circle nine is beautiful. As we'll properly dissect with "Unknown / Nth", sat within the most central point of circle nine, the deepest part of Inferno, is Lucifer, the fallen angel. Lucifer was thrown down to Hell from Heaven, and found himself trapped in Treachery, his body too big to escape. Dante says that the more he struggles, the more stuck he becomes.

That moment he was struck down to hell is a moment he finds himself forever stuck in, just as Hozier is saying here. In the next song, Hozier relates his lover to Lucifer, but these lyrics are a gorgeous mirroring of Lucifer's experience, and another hint at the final circle we will now head to.

NINTH (TREACHERY):

"Unknown / Nth"

Okay, buckle in.

The ninth circle, 'Treachery', is also one split into subcategories, yet Hozier appears to be singing about the centre. The frozen over lake of Treachery gets more frozen the closer you get to the centre. The inhabitants start half-submerged in ice to fully plastered in it. Throughout Inferno, and the deeper we descend, a soft breeze becomes a strong wind, that, as we reach the centre, we find is caused by the violent flapping of Lucifer's wings. Here he sits, stuck and chewing on Judas, another one of God's biggest betrayers.

After "Abstract (Psychopomp)" Hozier is now exploring the final stage of his relationship. The circles of Hell had mirrored the love he once had, and Treachery is where it shall be buried. He also represents his lover as Lucifer, though not maliciously. In interviews, Hozier spoke about the song being about a heavy betrayal he suffered from someone he truly loved, and likening this to God and Lucifer is just heartbreaking.

"You know the distance never made a difference to me." The song is about knowing someone in their entirety, discovering their best and worst parts. Hozier uses Inferno to talk about the tiresome journey of finally knowing someone. He says he would've made the trip all the same, that he would've walked this far for his lover no matter what.

"I swam a lake of fire, I'd have walked across the floor of any sea." This mirrors the previous lyric, but also references specific parts of Inferno. The are many fires in Inferno, particularly in circle seven, 'Violence'. The sea floor lyric reminds me of the lake of Treachery. Though a surface, not a floor, the lake would still be below any seabed, since Inferno is geographically below the Earth.

"Funny how true colours shine in darkness and in secrecy." You guys are probably sick of hearing me say it but... Darkness is a big theme in Dante's Inferno. It is meant to represent the deceiving nature of humans when light is not being shone. Secrecy is a running thread through 'Inferno', too, as Dante finds many people he thought had done no wrong residing there. Hozier is simply saying how (sarcastically) funny it is that he only truly knows his lover in the remains of their relationship; How he only knows them after seeing them in their cruellest form.

"Where you were held frozen like an angel to me." There are many angel lyrics, but this one specifically references the ice of Treachery. The fallen angel is indicative of Hozier's experience: Seeing someone he regarded highly, even heavenly, falling from that pedestal and turning into something that couldn't be further from God's work.

"You called me angel for the first time, my heart leapt from me. You smile, now, I can see its pieces still stuck in your teeth, and, what's left of it, I listen to it tick. Every tedious beat going unknown as any angel to me." Hozier references his ex-lover chewing on his heart the way Lucifer chews on Judas. He listens to it somehow still ticking, however slowly, and at the end of the song we hear something akin to a heartbeat. The beats are "going unknown as any angel to me" since he can no longer recognise his own heartbeat after it has been mangled by another, and, since he mistook someone alike Lucifer to an angel, the idea of angels must be "unknown" to him.

"Do you know I could break beneath the weight of the goodness, love, I still carry for you? That I'd walk so far just to take the injury of finally knowing you?" We again have this imagery of walking far, referencing the journey of Inferno, and, even though he's aching with the realisation of who his lover truly is, he can't help but be grateful that he does now know them, no matter how painful that may be. That he would do this all again if it meant he at least got to the answer of who they are.

His weak heartbeat follows him through to final track as we begin the Ascent.

ASCENT:

"First Light"

The title is very meaningful for the Ascent. The song references both Dante and Virgil's ascent and the creation of light by God himself. Dante and Virgil leave Inferno through a tunnel that Lucifer left in the Earth as he was thrown down to Hell, and they emerge on the other side of the hemisphere. This song signifies Hozier stepping away from the relationship as he also makes that journey out.

"One bright morning changes all things." Dante is disorientated when he exits Inferno. He'd become so accustomed to the darkness that he asks Virgil, 'How is it that the sun progressed so rapidly from evening to day?' Hozier seems to recognise here that his relationship is no longer fit for him, that the darkness has become too encompassing, just as Dante realises on his ascent.

"The sky set to burst, the gold and the rust, the colour erupts...the sun coming up." Not only does this give the imagery of the birth of light, but it also represents Dante's view on his exit: 'Until...I saw the lovely things the sky above us bears. Now we came out, and once more saw the stars.'

"Like I lived my whole life before the first light." Hozier says that the darkness from his lover was so overbearing that it was hard to believe he'd ever felt light before - that light could not have exists with a darkness this heavy alongside it. It is a call back to "De Selby (Part 1)" - "A darkness so deep that God at the start couldn't bear."

"One bright morning comes. Darkness always finds you either way, it creeps into the corners as the moment fades." He speaks of bringing light to a moment between them, but has it quickly smothered by the darkness inherent in his partner. Another call back, this time to "De Selby (Part 2)" - "And your heart, love, has such darkness, I feel it in the corners of the room."

"After this I'm never going to be the same, and I am never going back again." This lyric is heart-breaking. Hozier states that Inferno has changed him, but he has no wishes to re-enter it. At the beginning of this album, he was begging for the likes of Inferno - "De Selby (Part 2)": "Let all time slow, let all light go." - and now he is desperate to get away from it. In "Francesca", he said, "At the end, I'd tell them, 'Put me back in it.'", yet, now, he's at the end, he's ascended, and he has no desire to go back at all.

He is letting go of his lover because he recognises that this pain was not worth it, that this love was not worth the punishment he received, so he leaves.

---

That was Hozier's Inferno !! I hope this was helpful to some people since it was very fun to make (I'm exhausted) and it's very enlightening to see how these lyrics relate to Inferno (I'm heart-broken) !! Okay, wooooo !! Enjoy !!!

[padfootagain]

Grey Days

Hi everyone! Here is a little Hozier oneshot for today! It’s a little sad, but mostly hurt/comfort. Did I write it after crying when I watched that interview he did where he spoke about his struggle with mental health? Yes. Obviously. I want to give him so many hugs…

I hope you like it! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader

Warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, mentions of depression

Summary : Andrew is used to feel low sometimes, he has been plagued by those periods for as long as he can remember. But if he usually solves his sadness by being alone, this time, the antidote to his pain might be you.

Word Count : 2671

Hozier’s Masterlist – Main Masterlist

There were days like this, where everything was grey for no reason.

The sky rolling with clouds, heavy with rain, threatening with thunder, for sure wasn’t helping. But Andrew couldn’t pretend that it was at fault. Nor was the season, spring was on the horizon after all. There were boughs staining the branches, the first flowers blooming, the air a little warmer, the wind calmer than the winter storm. The birds had been chirping all morning, even if they had quietened now, under the menace of rain. He should be happy. The sun was high this morning, he had gotten some work done at Alex’s, he had had a nice lunch with his parents. Nothing but positive things, in theory.

And yet Andrew could feel his skin crawling, the tears that threatened to rise and spill, the numbness that came with spleen. Christ, melancholy was such a bitch, sometimes.

It was a bad day, the voices in his head were louder than usual. Despite the distractions he couldn’t keep them down. He kept on thinking about the pieces of songs he had recorded this morning with Alex, and on the spot they sounded good. Now, all he had left was doubt. For sure, none of it was good enough, and his lyrics were all over the place, and they didn’t do the subject justice… the didn’t do you justice…

He felt the burn in his eyes and the tightening in his throat again, his breathing grew more laboured, so he took a deep breath. He was driving, now was not the time…

And yet the thoughts were still there. As he entered his tiny town, the swirling of voices kept shouting.

Not good enough…

Don’t know how to write a proper song…

Got lucky with one song, will never be good enough again…

Imposter…

He entered his driveway, parked the car there. He didn’t notice your car until he was turning his head towards the front door.

Fuck…

He wasn’t in the mood for socialising, for pretending that everything was alright, for playing perfect boyfriend…

Another person you’ll end up disappointing…

Another thing in your life you don’t deserve…

He closed his eyes for a moment, tried to shush the voices. Just voices. It was just his busy head being louder than usual.

He just needed to calm down…

Damn, he should have called to cancel for tonight. You had a date night planned, you had told him you would come to his place early to start preparing dinner. You weren’t living together but he had a change of keys to your place, and you had one to his. He didn’t need to be home for you to come in.

Yesterday, Andrew was thinking about asking you to move in with him, to make a common home out of his large house.

She’d never say yes to you anyway…

He clenched his jaw, until his teeth gritted.

Just voices. Just voices. He was okay, he was fine…

It was just dinner, and it would be lovely. He loved you, he would have a great time…

He blinked his eyes open, brushed the wetness from his eyelashes.

Put on a brave face for her, come on…

He released some of the tension across his jaw, finally let go of the steering wheel. The soreness in his fingers made him realise how tightly he had been holding it.

He had no strength left in his body to open the car door, but he did it anyway. He was kind of used to it, the falls that followed the heights. It hadn’t happened in a long time. So bad, out of nowhere? Probably a year. Yeah, not long after the two of you started dating. It was pretty smooth after that. There were days when he didn’t feel great, but he didn’t feel terrible. With no energy left in his frame, no positive thoughts on his mind, no faith in himself, and no social battery either. Usually, when he felt like this, he simply locked himself up for a couple of days. The solitude usually helped. And now, he needed to be left alone, or at least he thought so. Besides, he would be in a terrible mood all evening, you would properly get tired of the sight and his sharp tone very quickly. And he didn’t want to take it out on you, it wasn’t fair, and he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t. He was too tired to be angry anyway.

He unlocked the front door, was welcomed by the smell of spices. It should have made him smile, but instead, his heart clenched.

He took off his shoes and jacket, slowly, too slowly. Any other day he would have hurried to join you.

Tonight, all he wanted was to be alone, to not talk to anyone, to get out of his clothes that felt like a burden too heavy to carry, and get under the covers, and lie there for the rest of the night, and maybe throughout tomorrow too.

Instead, he walked to his kitchen, nervously rubbing at his palms. God, he bet he looked terrible. He didn’t have a hair tie, and his hair was frizzy with the humid air, and he felt so fucking ugly when he entered the room, knowing he looked like a mess in sweatpants and an old t-shirt when you looked stunning, the most beautiful woman he had ever seen…

You didn’t seem to notice, because when you saw him, you let out an excited gasp and hurried into his arms.

Why did the feeling of you in his embrace make him want to cry?

“Hi, baby! How was your day?”

He cradled the back of your head in his large hand, gently, as if you could break under his touch. He rested his lips on the top of your head, took a deep breath of your shampoo, the scent so familiar, so soothing, so reassuring…

He closed his eyes.

It lasted a couple of seconds, and then the voices were back.

One day she’ll see you can’t make her happy…

He pulled away.

“Good,” he answered elusively, forcing a smile, but he knew it was tight-lipped. “Busy.”

“Did you get some work done with Alex, then?”

“Hmm… loads.”

“Good! You must be tired then, you can sit down, I’m almost done!”

He looked at the meal you were making for the two of you. You had set up the table, had even lit up some candles. It was fucking nice, so damn romantic…

“Smells amazing,” he complimented, but you seemed to notice that there was no light left in his voice. “Gonna take a shower before joining you, okay?”

“Sure! But… you’re okay, honey?”

Honey… Honey…

“Yeah, just… tired. Long day. I won’t take long.”

You nodded, offering a smile and he did his best to give it back.

He thought the shower would help, but it didn’t. He almost let the floodgates open while the warm water numbed his muscles, made his body feel like it wasn’t there at all. He had even less strength as he walked out of the shower. But at least, now, he was wearing a shirt and black jeans, and he had tied his hair in a low bun, looking close to presentable. He was wearing his glasses, he didn’t have the energy to put some contacts on.

When he entered the kitchen again, you had poured some red wine, were humming to a tune he didn’t know, checking the cooking of your vegetables.

“Almost done! Perfect timing!” you announced with pride.

“Thank you for cooking tonight,” he let out in a breath.

He knew his shoulders were bent, he knew you had noticed the way he was trying to look as small as possible. He read it in your frown. He nervously rubbed at his collarbone, felt irritated now.

She’s doing all this for you, you can’t get mad for nothing. It’s not her fault, calm down.

He sat down, as you invited him to do so. You brought food a couple of minutes later, and he asked you about your day. But unlike any other day, it wasn’t out of genuine curiosity and fondness; he simply didn’t want to speak.

He had done a good job at playing pretend the rest of the day, but he had no energy left to keep the mask on. The cracks were all over his features, in every forced smile, in every glance, in every blinking of tears. Your food was delicious, he complimented you on it, forced himself to swallow it fully, even if he felt like he might throw up if he kept on eating.

“Andy?”

He looked up again, noticing all of a sudden that he hadn’t paid attention to the conversation in a few minutes.

“Hmm?”

“Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

You offered him a kind smile, reached for his hand across the table. An anchor, an intimate gesture of support.

His throat tightened, he couldn’t find his voice.

“Baby… it’s just me. Why are you all closed up all of a sudden?”

He gave you a sad smile, although he had aimed for it to be reassuring.

“Just…”

Just tired was the excuse, but then again, he didn’t feel like lying now. Didn’t have the strength for it. Maybe if he were honest now, you’d show him the voices were right, you’d realise what a loser he could be sometimes, how you should leave…

Shut! Up!

“It’s just… it’s just a bad day.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing. I mean… nothing in particular, I just… I don’t know… sometimes my head gets messy with thoughts for no reason. I’ve been working a lot for the past couple of months, it’s more frequent when I’m tired.”

Slowly, you nodded.

“It’s pretty bad today, right?” you asked, and he nodded.

“I’m sorry. Your meal is truly delicious, and I was really excited about having a date night. I know I’m kind of… fucking up the mood.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

“Isn’t it?” he asked with bitterness in his voice, and he clenched his jaw at the sound.

He wouldn’t let himself get angry against you. He was in love with you. So fucking much. And you didn’t deserve that.

“There’s nothing wrong with feeling down sometimes, Andy.”

He looked down at his empty plate.

“It’s a bit worse than that.”

He heaved a sigh.

“I’m fine though, it just… It just needs to pass. I’ll be back to normal in a couple of days.”

“What do you usually do when something like that happens?”

“Erm… I just… shut down, basically. Wallow in self-pity for a while,” he tried to joke, managed to get a smile out of you. “I just… lock myself up on my own until I feel really low, and then I go out, and… it lingers a few days, sometimes a few weeks, but by then I can put a mask on again.”

“Do you put that mask on with me?”

“It hadn’t been so bad in a long time.”

“And when it’s not as bad?”

He shrugged.

“There’s no need to worry you about that.”

You raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.

“I’m your girlfriend. I tell you when I’m unwell.”

He started rubbing at his collarbone again, until the skin turned a bright shade of red.

“I don’t particularly enjoy talking about it,” he replied, his tone dry and distant.

“But I… you know you can trust me, right? That you can talk with me about these things…”

“I know… It just doesn’t help. I know how to handle this, I’m fine. I promise.”

Slowly, you nodded, but he could feel that your silence was a bad sign.

“So… usually, you just… spend time alone?”

“Yeah.”

“And it helps.”

“Yeah… yeah, it does. I just… I’m kind of introverted, in case you haven’t noticed,” he gave you a small smile. “I recharge my batteries when I’m alone.”

You seemed to be thinking for a few seconds, and then you were standing. He looked up at you in surprise.

“I should leave you alone, then.”

“Wh… what?”

“You said you needed to be alone… you should have told me, I would have let you have a moment on your own. It’s fine. I get it, if that’s what you need.”

He blinked up, not fully registering what you were doing. His brain jumped to the worst-case scenario, as per usual.

“Are you… are you breaking up with me?”

“What?! Of course, not!”

“You… you’re leaving…”

“Because you said you needed to be on your own for the evening. That’s okay. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

You heaved a sigh, took his hand in yours.

“Andy, I’m very happy with you. I know you love me. There’s nothing wrong in needing to spend some time on your own. You should have just told me. I’ll give you some space for tonight.”

You took his face in your hands, dropped a gentle kiss to his lips.

“I love you, baby,” you whispered as you pulled away. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

And with that you left the room. He heard you fumbling with your things in the hallway.

Being alone was what he needed. He had always longed to take a step back from everyone, even his partners, when he felt like this.

Except that tonight he didn’t want you to leave. He didn’t want to be alone. He wanted to hold you as tightly as he could, and cuddle in bed, and just forget about the world outside your arms, let you hold him until he couldn’t have a single thought anymore…

He jumped to his feet, rushing across the house as you put on your coat.

“Don’t go.”

The plea cut the air like a knife.

He blinked tears away.

“Please, don’t go. I don’t want you to go,” he confessed.

“But you said…”

“I don’t want you to go.”

“I won’t be mad if you want to take the night for yourself.”

“Y/N. I don’t. Want you. To go.”

He struggled to swallow back the lump in his throat.

“Please… please, don’t leave.”

You stared at him for a moment, motionless. But then you put your coat back on its hanger, took off your shoes.

When you walked back to him, he almost started to cry.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes… please…”

Before you could say anything else, he was holding you in a tight embrace, one that you quickly reciprocated.

“What do you want us to do, then?” you asked, rubbing his back, and for the first time that day, he felt his muscles relax.

“Honestly… I just want to go to bed, cuddle with you and not move until… the end of the month.”

You laughed, kissing his shoulder through his shirt.

“Well, we’ll have to get up before that I’m afraid… but cuddling for the rest of the evening sounds nice.”

He heaved a relieved sigh.

“I’m sorry, I’m fucking up our date night… it was so lovely of you to cook and everything…”

“It’s okay. It’s fine.”

“You’re not mad?”

“Of course not.”

“Good… that’s grand…”

He finally pulled away, took your hand to guide you to his bedroom. The dishes would have to wait for tomorrow.

He got ready for bed first, and then waited for you. And while he was looking at you as you moved around the bed, plugging in your phone, setting up an alarm for the morning, drinking some water… all he wanted was to hold you close. You were the first person who made him feel that way. Who made him long for companionship even when he felt so low…

… and then, you were in bed, opening your arms for him to settle in your embrace, letting him bury his face in the crook of your neck.

Perhaps this one time, his busy brain was wrong. Perhaps you wouldn’t leave. Perhaps he would stay. And maybe, just this one time, not all things would end…

[papurgaatika]

Scarcely Can Speak For My Thinking, What You’d Do To Me Tonight

Pairing: VA! Joel Miller x f! reader 

Minors DNI with my work please!!

A/N: howdy howdy my lovelies. I know what yall are thinking: papaya didn't you post a fic literally less than two weeks ago? And to that I would say yes, yes I did. However, I have been working on this one for a while and somehow managed to finish it on the plane! Thank you as always to my lovely beta readers @carlynkurin and @joelsdagger The title is a Hozier lyric (are yall really surprised?) This is officially dedicated to my beloved @joeloverture and despite my darling vetty's step off of tumblr, she truly deserves the world. also if you're mean to her i will find you. that is a threat

I hope y'all enjoy the read, and that the filth keeps you going in times of need. Peace and love on the planet Earth from me!!! Remember that TLOU is created by a zionist so please look at the resources at the end of this fic and in my bio on ways to donate and educate yourself!!

Tags: Erotic voice actor Joel! AU, Young Joel, No outbreak AU, smut, condescension, degradation, f! masturbation, praise, squirting, smut, LOTS of dirty talk, oral (f receiving) friends to lovers, fingering, voice kink, Joel loves thighs, Joel Miller arm appreciation, the reader is a mess, no use of y/n, Joel can pick reader up but he’s HUGE so it makes sense, no description of reader, 18+ Word Count: 5.2k

Summary: you have been using audio erotica to get off for a month, and manage to accidentally let it play in Joel's car, leading to an awkward night in 

You let out an exhausted huff as the dim light of your phone reflected on your face. Your headphones connected, your vibrator was charged, but in some godforsaken twist of fate, there was not a single thing worth listening to on the newest audio erotica page you could find. Videos hadn’t been doing it for you, the ethical concerns were too high for you to be horny, and as much as you liked a good fanfic, you had gone through most of the ones you liked and needed something new.  You click on a post with semi intriguing tags, immediately rolling your eyes and exiting out of it when you hear the all too familiar vocal fry of men trying to sound hotter. News flash: you don't. 

You were moments away from calling it a night and opening your backlog of smutty ao3 fics when another post caught your eye. You let out a snort at the username save_a_horse and glance at the tags. Okay you were definitely interested now, a degrading instructional… you hit play with baited breath, prepping for the worst, but you were so mistaken. 

“Filthy little thing aint ya?” the voice rings in your ears, heat pooling between your legs embarrassingly quickly. “Must be so pathetic if you’re clicking on a mean stranger's voice to get ya’self off” his voice was like hot honey. Sickly sweet and keeping you waiting for his every word but with an edge that stung in the best way. You shuffle yourself back onto the pillows and throw your covers off, fully prepared to enjoy this rare gem. Your breathing picks up, heavy with want as the man in your ears calls you a desperate little slut. 

“Go on, get your toy wet slut” his voice croons out at you “know ya have one, too fuckin’ needy not to.'' Always eager to please, your lips find the base of your curved g-spot vibrator and let the soft plastic fill your mouth, drawing sounds that were almost too debauched for you to be sitting in bed alone. “Bet you love havin your mouth filled like that.. Lord, I'd love to have your pretty little lips around my cock” your eyes practically roll back at that, spit running down the base of your toy before he finally tells you to put it in.  

“Atta girl, such an eager thing” The toy sinks into your sopping cunt with ease as the voice envelops your mind, solely focusing on him. You listen with intense obedience as he tells you how deep, how quick, how much you were allowed. “Go on then, fuck yourself on it. We both know you want to” 

You let out a soft cry as you slip the toy in and out, the curve just hitting the spot that makes your back arch. Your breathing hitches as you press down on the button to turn the vibrations on. “Creamin’ all over yourself I bet,” it was like he could see you. Like he was able to see your arousal dripping onto the sheets below you, how the damp sheets clung to your thighs as they shook and twitched with pleasure. 

“Bet you’re so damn close.. Go on then slut, cum while listenin’ to me'' he taunts slightly as your orgasm washes over you in waves. “Gonna ruin ya,” his words are assertive, less of a promise and almost a threat “ain’t gonna cum unless it's to my voice anymore. Good fuckin’ girl”  You take a few steadying breaths as the audio clicks off, and you blink up at your ceiling unsure of how to go on from there. You glance down at your phone which has made its way to the opposite side of your bed and move to grab it.

You hit play on another audio. 

As the weeks go on, you and the mysterious cowboy in your ears have an immensely good time together. You practically spend every night listening to every one of his audios, leaving silly comments on the ones that make you cum particularly hard. It might have been an issue, how often you found yourself waiting for him to upload, how quickly you would pause your tasks to listen to new updates, but you were having fun and it wasn’t like you were hurting anyone in the process. 

You had just finished an audio before the blaring noise of a horn outside your door rattled you. The clock on your phone taunts you as do the several missed calls and texts from your best friend. “Fuck. fuck okay” you grumble, grabbing a towel and wiping yourself off before tossing a pair of comfy shorts on and grabbing your bag, and heading outside “have you never heard of a virtue called patience miller?” you quip as you slide into the passenger seat of his truck 

“Had it for the first five minutes, but about 10 minutes after that, I was damn ready to break your door down myself” he scoffs “what took you so damn long?” he rolls his eyes as you fiddle with the bluetooth in his car, not wanting to be stuck with what you call ‘old home music’ 

“I was just finishi-” your words are cut off when the sound of a moan plays over the speaker. Just your luck. You kept the grumpiest man alive waiting and then played porn in his car. Hooray for you. “Jesus fucking-” you squeak, fiddling with your phone and closing out of the app “Joel-” you start, cheeks burning and excuses already at the tip of your tongue, before he silently shakes his head and puts the car in reverse. 

The ride back to his house is awkward to say the least. “Joel listen I didn't mean for-” you mumble out meekly, but his sharp gaze on yours has you clamping your mouth closed immediately. You fiddle with your fingers, thinking about playing music, but it just doesn’t feel right anymore. The grip Joel has on the steering wheel is practically iron-clad, his knuckles almost white with the tension as he pulls into his driveway and puts the car in park. You walk into his house with a huff, your weekly game nights off to a bit of a rocky start, but you’ve had to deal with worse with him. Joel had given you moral support when your menstrual cup had gotten “stuck” during one of your first times using it, he could deal with knowing you listened to porn. 

You plop down onto his couch, stretching your legs out on the coffee table while he gets you a glass of iced tea. You take a sip of your drink and mentally prepare yourself for how bad he was going to tease you about this, but are met with shocking amounts of silence. For a man who is ruthless on game nights, the lack of trash talk and absolute avoidance was almost irritating you. Finally, after you beat him in uno for a third time in a row, you snap “What is your issue tonight miller?” you groan, placing a +2 card down “Listen I know that was awkward but we’re both adults I don't see what the big deal is'' 

Joel groans and places another +2, changing the color (much to your annoyance,) “just drop it, nothin’s the issue”  You, petulant and stubborn as ever, did not drop it. You huff as you have to take like 5 cards from the deck before getting one that you can play, and narrow your eyes at him. 

“Bullshit” you move to sit cross-legged on the couch “I never beat you in this game, something is wrong with you tonight,”  it was almost as if nobody had ever taught you not to poke a sleeping bear. Or maybe you figured that the bear was your best friend and probably wouldn't bite your head off… probably. 

“Just drop it peaches,” his words are terse, hands gripping his, now slowly diminishing, uno cards much tighter than he needed to. You groan again when you have to get another few cards. The irritation at his childish behavior, coupled with the stack of 20 cards in your hand makes you more of a menace than you probably should. 

“Don't be such a baby, Miller,” you poke his leg with your foot knowing full well he hates it, a yelp leaving your lips as he grabs your ankle and pulls you forward “Joel!” Your cards fly out of your hand 

“Told you to fuckin’ quit it peach.” His voice is a low timber, stirring something deep in your belly. “Never fuckin’ listen to me” 

You just snort at him when he releases your ankle, moving to pick up your cards, “you suck at uno today Joel” you hmph, rising to your feet “'m gonna get something else” you hear Joel protest and try to grab at your arm but you’re too determined and he’s far too comfy to get up quick enough.  You manage to make it to his spare room, swinging the door open, imagining you’d see a shelf with his board games only to stop dead in your tracks, “what the fuck-”

What you had always assumed was just his spare junk room or random linen closet, was what looked like an at home recording studio. A desk with a PC and speakers, full microphone set up, and what you could only assume was something to help with soundproofing  “What the fuck Miller?” Your voice is slightly full of awe, “are you recording shitty male superiority podcasts now?” you tease, a sly grin on your face. 

Despite how pleased you are with that crack at him, he looks absolutely unamused. He practically clomps over at you, big finger poking your ribs ``you know damn well I ain't doin’ that shit.” He rolls his eyes at your teasing. The idea of Joel Miller getting on the internet to talk about women in a way that wasn't him sitting at his desk going ‘they’re the best damn thing’ was laughable. He was a perfect gentleman to everyone, except maybe to you, but frankly you deserved it for all the shit you gave him. 

You squeak when his finger prods at your skin “okay, okay well what creepy shit are you doing in here then?” you wiggle your eyebrows at him, sauntering to his PC set up. The computer and speakers were calling out to you like a siren, and you did not have the common sense to plug your ears. 

Joel knew you. He could read you like a fucking book with how close the two of you were. He used to say that the one braincell you had spent fifty percent of its time inside his mind with how predictable you were to him. “Peach do not fuckin’ dare-” his voice is low, warning you. 

If you had better self preservation skills you would have probably heard the alarm bells ringing in your head telling you that he was serious, or paid better attention to the way his sweats were a little more tight. But you unfortunately were a complete menace, so neither of those items really registered to you. You clap your hands in an evil little giggle when you move the mouse “still no password? Shit you make my life so fucking easy-” you grin as you see the different clips of audio layered together in whatever program he uses 

Joel has somehow silently appeared behind you, his hand pulling you away from the computer. “Quit it peach, I’m not fuckin’ around,” he grits out, the hold on your wrist almost impossibly tight. He means business this time, and despite how much of a hellion you can be to him, you didn’t have a death wish. 

You scrunch your nose at him trying to pull your wrist out of his grip “okay jesus chri-” you yank your hand away from his, elbow bumping into the keyboard and are cut off with the sound of a gravely moan coming out of the speaker. Both you and Joel look like deer caught in the headlights. Your eyes flick between Joel, whose face has gone impressively red, and the screen of his computer.  “I- joel this is-” you stumble over your words, unsure of what to say in this situation. 

“Not a fuckin’ peep.” he practically growls at you. Your mouth clamps shut as he leans over you and presses pause on the audio. Your mouth is drier than it had ever been. That was a clip of your best friend, the one who was looming over you at this very moment, moaning into a microphone. You were certain that if you had listened any closer you would have been able to hear the sounds of his hand stroking his cock. The slight creak of his chair, the wet noise of the lube, or was he a spit guy? He however, was not interested in sharing any more of the audio with you, and you would deny it if anyone asked, you were a little disappointed. 

You need to say something, you had to, and despite your better judgment telling you not to, you do. “I mean you sound nice-” You sound nice?? You were so fucking ridiculous, even you knew that wasn’t the thing to say. Joel’s eyes darken at your words, and for a moment you fear he’s going to kick you out, to get truly pissed off at you for the first time since you finished his Dr. Pepper stash.  “I didn't mean-” you try to backtrack “I just meant- it... You sounded like you were enjoying yourself at least-'' you were actively digging the hole that you were in deeper, rambling and stuttering, all while Joel just stared at you silently, his eyes burning into you

You swallow hard, his eyes still not leaving yours “listen I can go I'm sorry I shouldn't have-” you go to make a beeline out of the room but a firm hand pulling you back into the chair stops you. You fall back with an oof and look up at Joel, who by all accounts looked pissed but there was something else. His pupils were blown and his eyes trace every single one of your movements. The bear had managed to lock in the own cage you had set out for him. 

“Didn't tell you to leave.” he practically grunts at you. Ladies and gentlemen, your best friend, always the most well spoken person in the room. You move to protest again, but the look he gives you stops the words before they even form on your tongue.  you bite your lip and fiddle with your fingers unsure what to do “think I sound nice peaches?” his voice cuts through the anxious rambling in your brain and you're almost certain you've heard him wrong 

“Huh?” you look back up at him through your lashes. He was leaning against the wall where his microphone was set up. His sweats were riding low on his hips and his hoodie covered the toned muscles of his arms, that if anyone asked you had never stared at. The tanned skin you never dared to fantasize about in your bed. The hair that covered his arms, the veins that often made more appearances when you asked forced him to do manual labor that you refused to do yourself. 

“Asked if you think I sound nice, Peaches?” he hums, raising a questioning brow at you. your mouth opens and closes ridiculously a few times before you simply just nod at him  “that's good..” he muses as he comes back up to you “do you think about me?” he prods, a patronizing pout on his lips as you gape up at him. “when you're listening to those dirty little audios and lettin’ your fingers touch that needy cunt?”  you can't help but squeak at his words. the way he said them, the way he spoke was just so… familiar  “come on, pretty peach, tell daddy what you think about when you're fingering that slutty little pussy” he practically grins at you and it fucking clicks. 

Daddy. Daddy. It was him. The stupid cowboy, the random man whose voice sent your tummy into knots, the one who had been getting you off for weeks now was your best friend.  “Joel-” you practically whimper at him. You can feel your heart pounding in your chest and also very distinctly between your legs. “Listen i didn’t know it was you-” there’s a shit eating smirk on his face, one that you would have told him to wipe off his face before you smack it off in any other scenario. 

“No?” he hums at you, his brow quirked up as he towers over you in that stupid recording chair “didn't know it was me when you were commenting all those pretty little reviews?” You whimper out a noise, somewhere between a no and a general sound of timidity, as his hand tilts your chin up to meet his eyes  “Lemme see if I can remember what it was you said before I got you in the car today peach?” he takes a moment to obnoxiously tap his forehead mocking the way you recall things “what was it you said? ‘This made me late to see my friend, but it also made me ruin my sheets’? Was that it peaches?” 

You take a shaky breath, your skin burning under his intense gaze, chin still in his hands. You nod softly at his question, knowing that if you didn't, he would just push you until you did. His grin turns wolfish at your confirmation, and you feel him shift his legs between yours, pushing them apart “yeah peach?” he tuts at you “made me wait for almost 20 minutes outside your house. just so you could cum to my voice… ain’t real nice of you” You take a wobbly breath at his words and try to reply, unsure of what you would even say. An apology maybe, an explanation? But before you can even move to open your mouth he’s cutting you off again 

“Woulda just given you the real thing baby,” he tuts at you “all you had to do was ask.'' His voice is low and almost condescending. You shouldn’t let it turn you on, you should tell him to fuck off, but you feel yourself gush at his tone, your bottom lip getting caught between you teeth. He whistles at the look on your face, his cock practically straining against his sweats, “bet you’re just creamin’ in those slutty little shorts baby'' his words aren’t a question, he’s stating it like he can read you like a book because he knows he can. His legs shift to press your legs further apart until your knees are bumping into the arm rests, your eyes unwavering from his.

Your breath is caught in your throat as he leans down to you, his lips pressed up by one of your ears “Listen to me like this peaches?” he whispers into your ear, a warm breath making you shiver before he moves to the other side “like having me in your ears with your legs spread?” 

“Yes.. fuck yes yes I do-” your words are rushed and lustful as you feel his hands dip into the waistband of your panties. Your hips jolt up into his touch, panties absolutely drenched with your arousal. Your eyes flutter shut for a moment, lips parting with a silent cry of pleasure. 

“Knew she’d be droolin’ all over” he hums as he brings his slick covered finger up to his lips and tastes you with delectable pop when he pulls off. “Tastes like I fuckin’ imagined. Like a fuckin’ peach” he groans and for a moment you swear you could cum just like that. 

“Shit Joel please-” he cuts you off with a shake of his head and a shushing noise, as he steps away from you. Your legs are still spread against the chair and you practically whine when he moves away from you, flicking on his recording set up. “Joel what-” he shushes you again, giving you a look that leaves no room for argument. 

“Quiet,” he mumbles, fiddling with the mic and pulling the rolling chair closer to it. “Like listenin’ to me so much, thought i’d use you for better effects. You okay with that peaches?” he asks, looking down at you. Despite the teasing and the mockery, you knew he would stop if you told him you didn't want it. But the idea of him stopping, even for a moment was going to make you explode. You nod, maybe too eagerly for someone about to get fucked on microphone, and he grins. 

“God always knew you were fuckin’ desperate for it” he kneels between your legs, and you stifle a giggle when his knees pop.  “Quit it you menace” He swats at your thigh playful smirk on his lips, making you jump slightly. “Gotta stay real quiet for me, understand?” you watch with bated breath as he moves the mic so it rests delicately in the tension filled space between your spread thighs and his face. 

You nod, lips parted, pupils blown, cunt practically dripping for him. He lets out a soft hum of approval, lips pressing a soft kiss to your thighs “nothing fuckin’ softer than a pair of soft thighs” he muses, half to himself, half to you and the mic “could just live between them forever, die happy if a girl pretty as a peach would let me bury my face there.” You feel yourself clench around nothing, feeling maddeningly empty all of a sudden. You shift to try to gain some friction, the chair giving a slight creak at the change in position. Joel looks up and glares at you, your body going still immediately under the intensity of his eyes. 

He sticks his hand out behind him, pausing the microphone from recording. “You need to stay. still.” he grits out at you “don't need the whole internet hearing how much of a desperate little thing you are.” You nod at his words, hands gripping the armrests so hard your knuckles turn white. He flicks the mic back on and his lips find your thighs again. Nipping and kissing the soft flesh just below the hem of your shorts. He slides his hands further up, popping the button open and you have to bite down on your fist not to moan when he drags the zipper down with his teeth. He shimmies you out of your shorts, leaving your bottom half clad in your embarrassingly wet panties. 

He lets out a growl at the sight of your cunt, clothed and practically dripping for him. “Look at her… practically creaming already and I ain’t even touched you yet” He lets his thumb press against the wet spot the slight pressure just barely teasing your sopping hole dragging a breathy sigh out of you. You look down at him, eyes hooded and lips parting, practically begging for him without uttering a damn word. 

He looks up at you as he slides your panties to the side, blowing a stream of cold air straight onto your clit, making you jump. “Pretty fuckin’ pussy…” he practically salivates at the sight of you “nothin’ fucking better than seein’ a drippy, needy, little cunt in front of me…” he presses a kiss to the inside of your thigh, right next to where you want him, where you need his lips 

You feel a shiver run down your spine at his words. Somehow it felt filthier being able to see the look on his face, the absolute need he had to taste you. The grip he had on your thighs was bruisingly tight, not helping your arousal die down in the slightest. His mouth finally finds your slit, tongue licking a hot wet stripe at an agonizingly slow pace. He lets out a guttural moan and practically salivates at the taste of you. “Taste so fuckin’ sweet” he groans, tongue dipping back down to taste more of your slick. One of your hands leaves the armrest of the chair and moves to cover your mouth when his lips place three gentle kisses around your clit before relenting and wrapping his lips around the aching bud, with a quiet hum. 

You bite down on your hand to stifle the moans threatening to spill, desperate and eager to please him. Your thighs shake when he slips a finger into your dripping cunt and curls them to hit that spot. He lets out a chuckle, lips still sucking on your clit. The vibrations of his warm breath on your aching clit elicited a desperate wine from your mouth, despite how hard you were trying to be quiet for him “Ffffuck-” 

He raises a brow at you, not even pulling away from your skin, his baby eyes just gazing at you from between your legs as his fingers work at you. Your bottom lip gets caught between your teeth in an effort to stop your sounds, but your attempts seem futile as your climax starts to draw near. Joel slips a second finger inside of you with embarrassing ease, the sound of his fingers curling inside you, joined only by your soft little breaths and his lips on your clit. His fingers stretch you in ways your fingers never have, scissoring and sliding inside of you with practiced precision. “Atta fuckin’ girl..” he growls as your toes curl instinctively, heels digging into his shoulder blades as the coil inside of you finally snaps. You feel yourself gush on his fingers, your thighs clamping around his head as he works you through it “squirtin’ all over daddy’s face huh like the needy thing you are.” 

He pulls your legs off from his legs and hits save on the audio, before glancing back at you with a smirk. “Ain’t posting that anywhere..” he whispers, the gentleness a shocking turn around from the filth he whispered to you earlier. Your breath is still coming out in shaky pants, looking up at him through hazy lids “keepin’ that all to myself” he hums, pressing a little kiss on your head. 

He scoops you up like you’re a ragdoll and practically clomps over to his bedroom, throwing you onto the bed. His fingers work deftly at the tie of his sweats, pushing them off. You squeak softly when you see the trail of hair going down his pelvis, the lack of boxers making heat rise to your chest. You work your top off, while he throws his hoodie across the room, a guttural groan leaving his mouth as he sees your breasts. “Fuckin’ perfect..'' His words aren’t necessarily for you, his thoughts just find themselves being voiced aloud. His calloused hands grope and knead at the softness of your tits before he presses wet kisses to each of your nipples. “Need to be inside ya” he practically begs, cock hard against his stomach leaking pre-cum. 

You could salivate at the sight, hell you truly might have a little bit. “Fuck me, Daddy, need you to fuck me Joel, please i can be good im ready, I'm on the pill-” your words were babbled, fast and rushed together, your intense desire for the man in front of you the only thing your brain could comprehend. Your legs part on the bed, your arousal dripping down your thighs calling to him like flowers call to a honeybee. 

“Christ, baby,” he groans before grabbing your legs and pulling you to the edge of the bed. He fists his cock and slides it through your aching pussy, both of you letting out simultaneous cries of shit when your wetness coats his length. He slides into you with gentle thrusts, letting you adjust to his size slowly, before sinking in all the way with a soft whimper “take me so good…” his words are quiet and breathless, almost as if he was in awe of how your body made room for him. 

“Oh my god-” you cry out, your hands fisting in the dark sheets under your skin. “so fucking big joel..” you clench around him, body on fire with how good he felt inside you, with how perfect it was. It was like you were made to take him like this. His thrusts get faster and your legs curl around his waist, pulling him in as deep as you possibly could. The feeling of his hand pressing on your lower stomach has you arching your back into his touch. 

“Perfect fucking thing,” he grits huskier than usual, with a thrust that knocks the air from your lungs. “Feel me peaches?” he thrusts into you again and presses on your tummy “right fuckin’ there.. Right where I god damn belong…” his words were lust filled and hazy, his own need and orgasm clouding all judgment. Your hips roll against his, the coarse hair brushing up against you, and your head lolls back into the mattress as his thrusts get sloppier. 

“Inside, Joel fuck-” you whimper at him, eyes wide and pleading as your second orgasm builds in the pits of your belly “please cum inside me, wanna feel you please..” for a moment he swears he’s died and gone to heaven. The sounds of your pretty little moans and begging are like a dream come true for him. He just nodded and shifted so he was practically cradling your body under his, cock buried so deep inside you that you knew you’d be feeling it for days afterward. 

He grinds his hips lazily against yours while his thrusts are shallow and pointed. Your legs shake while you meet his lips in a sloppy kiss, all tongue and teeth as you both fall apart practically molded together. “Jesus christ-” his breathing is ragged and hoarse “takin’ me so damn good, gonna fuckin’ fill you up” he gives a few more thrusts before he pulls out of your quivering pussy, your own orgasm sending stars into your eyes. 

You both stay like that for a moment, Joel's forehead resting softly on your shoulder as his cum spills out onto his bed. You shift softly to pull him next to you and curl into his touch, giving him a cheeky smile as you tilt his face to meet your eyes. “You…” a breathless little laugh escapes your lips “how long did you know I was commenting on your posts?” you ask softly, brows raised at him. 

He snorts at the question and flicks your forehead gently, earning a playful pout to be thrown in his direction. “Bout damn near two weeks ago” he replies, classic shit eating grin plastered to his face. “Figured it was you when you came over lookin’ like you’d won the damn Powerball and some little fan called peaches_and_cream left a comment about cummin’ three times to one damn post” you let out a muffled groan and bury your head into his chest, mumbling something about him being an asshole before you both shift into a comfortable silence. 

He moves, patting your hip and telling you to go use the bathroom after a few minutes, preaching his favorite safe sex speech and you roll your eyes at him before you saunter over to his bathroom. “Oh and Joel-” you call out before you walk in, eyes meeting his as he waits for you to finish your sentence “send me that audio, would ya?” 

A/N: From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free

READ: This account stands with Palestine unequivocally, and so— I require everyone who interacts to educate themselves, and support/donate. READ THESE; 1, HELP HERE, BOYCOTT. Silence is complicity, do not scroll past this.

DO NOT BUY THE REMASTER, TLOU2, TLOU1, OR ANY GAME FROM NAUGHTY DOG! neil druckmann (the creator) is a zionist.

PLEASE READ THIS. AND REBLOG THIS. 

Thank you for reading, and free Palestine

[kyoukamybeloved]

Chuuya looked at his face, then broke out into laughter. “You really are the worst. Don't let your plan fail and kill us both or I'll kill you, Dazai.” Dazai laughed as well. “Sounds good. Let's go, Chuuya.”

soukoku webweaves: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7 , 8

creds:

normal people - Sally Rooney// I know the end - Phoebe Bridgers// Part II - Paramore// the song of Achilles - Madeline Miller// art by @taxolotl// bloodsport - Yves Olade// please stay - Lucy Dacus// the night we met - lord huron// unicorn - Angela Carter// art by @thornedarrow// I set it in stone - Venetta Octavia// panel from bsd: beast drawn by Sango Harukawa// He Held Radical Light: the Art of Faith, the Faith of Art - Christian Wiman// eat your young - Hozier// never love an anchor - the crane wives// spring, the apple trees at olema - Robert Hass// the notebook// art by @taxolotl// Joan Tierney// snow and dirty rain - Richard Siken// house of hunger - Alexis Henderson// the moon will sing - the crane wives// waiting room - Phoebe Bridgers// I had a dream about you - Richard Siken// art by @marrewis// phlebotomy, as told by the blood - Torrin A. Greathouse// art by @twilicidity// Cassandra - Christa Wolf// rejoice - Julien Baker// take me to church - Hozier// the encounter - Louise Gluck// art by @yomeiu// a garden, swallower - Lyric Hunter// alone with you in the ether - Olivie Blake// allies or enemies - the crane wives// like real people - Hozier// strawberry moon - Franny Choi// official bsd art by Sango Harukawa// until is started choking on our memories - Tina Tran// art from @/mizumoe_ on twitter// Pavana Reddy// art by @carrotkicks // Friedrich Nietzsche, from a letter to Mathilde Trampedach// cosmic hero - car seat headrest// born to die - Lana del Rey// Giovanni’s Room - James Baldwin//

consider this your halloween treat ;)

tagging lovers of this series (thank you sm for all your love) :

@philzokman @dinosaur-mayonnaise @amagami-hime @vivid-vices @bunglegaydogs @vinylbiohazard @underthetree845 @ghostsinacoat @lotus-reblogs @zamxii @themultifandomdisaster @whiteapplesandblackblood @i-eat-mold @gorotic @sigskk @pastel-paramour @the-gayest-sky-kid @galaxitic @shroombunnies @homuncvlus @sommmee @oatmilkbasic @ricelover888 @jacuzziwaters @thesunshinebard @evermorehypewoman

[munchmemes]

hozier lyrics, unreal unearth edition

❛ your reflection can't offer a word to the bliss of not knowing yourself. ❜ ❛ no closer could i be to god or why he would do what he's done. ❜ ❛ what you live in, it finds a way to live in you. ❜ ❛ your heart has such darkness. ❜ ❛ i wanna be gone. i wanna run so far, i'd beat the morning. ❜ ❛ before the dawn has come, i'd block the sun if you want it done. ❜ ❛ let all time slow. let all light go. ❜ ❛ i don't need to know where we begin and end. ❜ ❛ i'd still know you, not being shown you. ❜ ❛ the first time that you kissed me, i drank dry the river lethe. the liffey would have been softer on my stomach all the same. ❜ ❛ some part of me must have died the first time that you called me baby. ❜ ❛ some part of me came alive the first time that you called me baby. ❜ ❛ these days, i think, i owe my life to flowers that were left here by my mother. ain't that like them? gifting life to you again. ❜ ❛ oh, to share the space with simple living things infinitely suffering but fighting off, like all creation, the absence of itself ... but anyway. ❜ ❛ some part of me stayed alive each time that you called. ❜ ❛ whatever keeps you around, it keeps you around. ❜ ❛ when i was young i used to guess, are there limits to any emptiness? ❜ ❛ how could you think i'd scare so easily? ❜ ❛ my life was a storm since i was born. how could i fear any hurricane? ❜ ❛ i would do it again if i could hold you for a minute. ❜ ❛ what good would it be on the far side of things? ❜ ❛ i would not change it each time. ❜ ❛ heaven is not fit to house a love like you and i. ❜ ❛ i feel lighter than i have in so much time. ❜ ❛ how could i fall when i am lifted by every word you say to me? ❜ ❛ if anything could fall at all, it's the world that falls away from me. ❜ ❛ if you need to, lean your weight to me. ❜ ❛ if we fall, i only pray, don't fall away from me. ❜ ❛ i'm starving, darling. let me put my lips to something. ❜ ❛ you can't buy this fineness. ❜ ❛ we can celebrate the good that we've done. ❜

❛ we had nowhere to go and every desire for going there. ❜ ❛ i heard once, it's the comforts that make us feel numb. ❜ ❛ it was just our turn being blamed for a world we had no power in. ❜ ❛ i haven't felt it since then. i don't know how the feeling ended. ❜ ❛ i know being reckless and young is not how the damage gets done. ❜ ❛ we knew what our love was worth when we had nothing. ❜ ❛ i miss when we did not need much. ❜ ❛ you were steering my heart like a wheel in your hands. ❜ ❛ all i needed was someone when the whole wide world felt young. ❜ ❛ hold me like water or hold me like a knife. ❜ ❛ you and i burned out our steam chasing someone else's dream. ❜ ❛ how can something be so much heavier but so much less than what it seems? ❜ ❛ you only feel it when it's lost. getting through still has its cost. ❜ ❛ if there was anyone to ever get through this life with their heart still intact, they didn't do it right. ❜ ❛ we didn't get it right but we did our best. ❜ ❛ knowing that everything will end should not change our plans. ❜ ❛ all things end. ❜ ❛ there are some things that no one teaches you that come natural as a dream you didn't know that you were in. ❜ ❛ the awful things we do to make the head go quiet. ❜ ❛ you may never know your fortune until the distance has been shown between what is lost forever and what can still be known. ❜ ❛ i don't wanna be anything but i would do anything just to run away. ❜ ❛ go look another way. ❜ ❛ look, i wanna be loud. so loud, i'm talking seismic. ❜ ❛ i will not be great but i'm grateful to get through. ❜ ❛ the memory hurts but does me no harm. ❜ ❛ the moment i knew i'd no choice but to love you. ❜ ❛ there's a part of me, i'm afraid will always be trapped within an abstract from a moment of my life. ❜ ❛ you know, the distance never made a difference to me. ❜ ❛ so, i thought you were like an angel to me. ❜ ❛ it ain't the being alone. it ain't the empty home. you know i'm good on my own. ❜ ❛ so much of the living is the being unknown. ❜ ❛ do you know i could break beneath the weight of the goodness i still carry for you? ❜ ❛ there are some people who are better unknown. ❜ ❛ darkness always finds you either way. ❜ ❛ after this, i'm never gonna be the same and i am never going back again. ❜

[megistusdiary]

hii! long time no see 🤭

i'm not sure if you've heard hozier's 'too sweet' yet (i wholeheartedly blame tiktok for flooding my fyp with it), but the lyrics have so much potential to be arlecchino x reader coded it's criminalll!!

with the way i've interpreted it, i feel like it could act as such a gut-wrenching rejection...."i wouldn't want to corrupt your innocence with my bitterness, with the life i have, you're too sweet for me."

her work with the fatui, her past, the whole fontaine ordeal— she'd think you're too pure for all that awwhmygod 😔

ughhhh yes

imagine arlecchino who is afraid to corrupt your gentle nature. she doesn't want to touch you with bloodstained hands, kiss you with lips that have spoken violent words, to walk by your side and allow judgemental and frightened looks to fall upon you.

no, of course she doesn't.

but, oh, the way you beg her. how you plead with her for her touch, her time, her lips on yours, for her to hold your hand. how you promise you love her, how she can do whatever she wants to you.

it has her cold heart racing, looking down at your sweet expression, a cold hand cupping your cheek, gently stroking your skin.

despite how cold and rough she may seem, for you, she grows weak in her knees. she promises you the moon and the stars, and you'll have to live with the bloodshed it costs for her to bring them to you.

she likes the way you trace the markings on her arms, your soft fingers trailing up her roughened skin. she likes how you let her lead every dance, every kiss, every time she makes love to you.

perhaps, with you alone, she can be a better person. only to protect you from what she must be when she leaves your side every so often.

[flemingsfreckles]

Too Sweet (18+)

Jessie Fleming x Reader

Preview: You and Jessie don’t belong together, but you find yourself addicted to her. (loosely based off Hozier’s Too Sweet, doesn’t really follow the lyrics)

Warnings: it’s pretty angsty, smut without being explicit smut, but definitely 18+, mentions of alcohol, some pretty heavy self deprecation

WC: 2.3k

A/N: I was in an angsty mood, my apologies

You rolled over to the side of the bed, moving yourself from your position on top of Jessie. You both laid panting with red cheeks, sweat covering both of your naked bodies.

You knew this was wrong, you and Jessie shouldn’t be spending your nights together in bed. You shouldn’t be whispering praises and muttering her name into her ear as she lay beneath you. She shouldn’t be wrapping her strong legs around your head, hands tangled in your hair. You were bad for her, you both knew it but neither of you dared to admit it. She was sweet, gentle, and genuine. You were, for lack of a better term, an asshole.

You don't know how you ended up being her hookup of choice. The first time it happened you were both drunk so you wrote it off initially as a mistake on her part. In celebration after a big win you had both gone out with the team and had more than your share of drinks. But then you found yourself above her naked figure again and again. You and Jessie never got along. You were polar opposite. She was small, kind, she wouldn’t hurt a fly. You were lucky if you came away from a game without a yellow card, you were a tall, tattooed, muscled defender, you didn’t care for other people, often called selfish or egotistical.

The two of you had a teasing relationship. You knew how to push each other, you were one of the only people that Jessie would be upfront and confrontational with. You pushed her nerves in the worst ways.

Weeks ago, the night of your first time, you had watched as Jessie was talking with an unknown girl across the bar the team was celebrating at. For some reason watching her talk with the girl made a bubble of rage fill your chest. They chatted briefly, before the girl walked away and Jessie was left alone. Feeling like more of a dick than normal with the added rage you find yourself walking over to where Jessie stood.

“What do you want?” She scoffed at you as you walked over. She knew you were coming to push her buttons. You wouldn’t have come over to have a nice conversation, she knew that.

“You going home with that pretty little thing?” You point over in the direction of the girl Jessie was previously talking to.

“No, I’m not.”

“Of course you’re not, I was joking.” You had already known she wasn’t, Jessie wasn’t the type to take home a random girl from the bar. She rarely would go on dates, at least that you knew off. She wasn’t one to get around, unlike you. As long as she said yes, you’d practically take any girl back to your bed.

“What does that mean?” You’re not sure why she asked, she knew the reputation she had for being more reserved than the rest of the team when it came to sex.

“You’re little miss innocent, you’re probably waiting until marriage aren’t you?” You knew full and well that she most likely wasn’t as innocent as she gave off but it was so easy to push her.

“Why are you such an asshole?”

“Ooo, hit a sore subject didn’t I virgin?” You send her a smirk, feeling proud of yourself. It was a low blow and you knew it was. You normally didn’t take stabs at her sex life or romantic life, you really couldn’t care less if she was a virgin, that’s her choice, but the drinks already in your system decided that’s how you were going to annoy her tonight.

“I’m not a virgin.”

“Whatever you say. Maybe I’ll take your girl home and show her a good time.” You take a sip from your glass of straight whiskey . You start to turn away, deciding you should leave the poor girl alone and starting to look for someone to take home.

“She’s not my girl and I’m not innocent.” Her words have you turning back toward her. You can notice Jessie’s grip tightening on her glass that is filled with something you presume would be too sweet for your taste. It makes you want to laugh, how easily she was frustrated by you.

“Okay, whatever you say, but I’d rock your little innocent world Fleming.” You pat your hand on the top of her head, adding to your degrading comment.

“Do it then, rock my world.” She turns to face you. You weren’t expecting that, for once she was pushing back at you, standing up for herself. It was fucking hot.

That’s all it took, you grabbed her hand, throwing cash at the bar, more than enough to cover both of your tabs and pulled her out of the bar and into an Uber.

She followed you all the way into your bed where the two of you spent the night. Jessie surprised you that night, definitely showing she was the opposite of innocent. You also proved to her that you could in fact, rock her world. You had her writhing under you, moaning your name and making a mess of herself in your sheets. But as much as you rocked her world, she rocked yours.

Something about her whispering dirty things to you, touching every inch of your skin, all while she kept the innocent, blushed cheeks, blown pupils with a small ring of her usual brown eye look, made you want to ruin her. Seeing her in ways you know many people haven’t gotten to, made you tingle. It was intoxicating, the mix of innocence and sinful that she was able to portray.

Since that night, you were addicted to her.

You both couldn’t seem to stop falling into bed with each other. Sometimes you didn’t even make it to the bed, it happened in the kitchen, on the couch, in the car, against the wall, it was happening every day.

But like clockwork, you’d leave or kick her out, shortly after you were both done. You’d both go back to your usual hatred of each other, ignoring each other at training, making smartass comments to her, picking on her. Only to end up in her bed, on top, behind, to the side, or under her, as you watch in awe of her every move.

It was becoming a habit, one you knew you had to break. You started to see Jessie’s behavior change. You had quickly mentioned to her that the sex was no strings attached, a way for you to both get your frustrations out at both each other and at the world. She had agreed to those terms but it was becoming clear, she was no longer no strings attached.

She started to follow you around more, coming up to you at training, giving you a wave when you’d walk into a room, she was less crass with her comments. Your teammates started to notice, asking if you were suddenly friends again, asking when you stopped hating each other. She’d offer you dinner or lunch or breakfast depending on what hour of the day you two were in her bed. It was becoming too much. It felt like it was moving toward a relationship, toward commitment. You knew it had to be the end.

That’s what made this time different. When you rolled off of her and onto her soft pillow, you didn’t have the energy to get up. You stayed laying next to her. So badly you wanted to roll toward her, put your arms around her and stay. But that’s not who you were, you never had been, you didn’t know how to be that type of person. You knew you had to go, everything in your brain was screaming at you to get up. You weren’t good enough for her, you never would be good enough for anyone. You couldn’t stay here with her. Staying would give her the wrong idea.

“You could stay, you don’t have to go.” It was as if she could read your mind, the debate between your self hatred and the small sliver of hope you had for yourself one day.

“No, I do.” You push yourself off her pillow and sit up on the side of the bed. You look around trying to find where your clothes ended up.

“Not if you don’t want to.” You can feel her eyes burning into the back of your head as you stay facing away.

“I can’t Jessie, I need to leave.” Standing up and moving over you find your discarded boxers, throwing them on before finding your shorts. “We both know we can’t do this. This is just sex. I’m not good for you.”

“You could be good for me, we could do this.” Turning around you saw her. She looked like an angel. Her hair slightly messy, a smile across her face, the bed sheet wrapped tightly around her waist. You could see the dark marks you had made on her chest peeking out from the top of the sheet. She was looking at you with a hopeful glint in her eyes. A hopeful glint you were about to kill.

“No, Jessie. I’m not good for you, I’m not good for anyone. I’m an asshole. I’m not respectful, I’m not responsible, I’m not nice. You’re Canada’s baby. I’m basically every team’s enemy. I can’t stay, I can’t lead you on, thinking this could work. It won’t work, we can’t be anything, that's something I can’t give you. I can’t give you what you deserve. You’re too sweet, you deserve the world, and I don’t have it to give you.” You definitely say a lot more than you planned to. You spew all the things that would make the two of you being together impossible. With every word that comes out of her mouth, some of the light in her eyes diminishes. You were killing her hope, just like you had planned and just like you wanted to.

“How do you know, how do you know there’s no chance for this to work?”

“Look as much as I maybe act like I hate you, I really don’t. I just can’t get too close. I know myself, I can’t let myself hurt you. And I would, Jessie. Despite what your optimistic Canadian little brain may tell you, I would end up hurting you.” You walk out of the bedroom and make your way toward her front door prepared to leave her apartment for the last time. You hear a scramble and Jessie follows behind you.

As you look at her you see every reason you can’t be together. She was someone you took home to meet your parents, you were not. You had never had a stable relationship, you did flings, you ghosted girls after spending the night with them, you blocked numbers and unfollowed girls. You had always done it, you didn’t know any other way.

She shouldn’t have to fix you.

“I think we shouldn’t do this anymore.” You say as you place your hand to the door, Jessie standing behind in just a shirt and underwear.

“Why?”

“We just shouldn’t, I don’t want to hurt you. This is becoming more than sex to you.”

You feel her place her hands on your shoulders, pulling you back. You turn to face her, having to look down at her small figure as she pushed her chest to yours.

“Just one more time then?” Her eyes begging, it was moments like this that made your brain short circuit. Here she was, big brown puppy eyes, the innocent look, all while asking for you to fuck her, one last time. Her fingers come up to trace patterns on your chest. She knew your weaknesses and she used it to her advantage.

You grab her chin, placing your lips on hers before moving your hands to the back of her thighs, picking her up and walking back into her bedroom.

“Last time.” You say as you place her on the bed and begin to remove her shirt for the second time that afternoon as she frantically nods at you. You took your time, trying to commit every aspect of her to memory, her taste, the way her skin felt against yours, the way her hands moved, the sounds she made.

“Just stay for 5 minutes.” Those were the first words out of Jessie’s mouth after a long string of moans and profanities as you had made her cum for the second time that round and fourth time today. She moved off of where she was laid on top of you, keeping one arm and leg draped over you.

“Just 5 minutes.”

Those 5 minutes quickly became an unknown amount of time as you woke up, disoriented, too hot, with a weight across your chest. The weight you quickly realized was Jessie’s arm draped across your middle, the same way it had been when she asked you to stay for 5 minutes.

Giving her one last look, she was peaceful, fast asleep, you gently move her arm off of you, sliding out from under her touch and out of bed. You quietly find your clothes, get dressed and move to the front door. You look back to her bedroom door for a second, hand on the exit to her apartment. Her bed had felt safe, warm, relaxing, you had been able to fall asleep with her, but you had to go, you told yourself. So you did. Before you made it through the door into the hallway you opened your phone, blocked her number and made your way down the stairs and out onto the street. You’d have to see her next week at training but at least you could avoid her for now.

When you opened your own apartment door, you felt your world collapse. A tightness deep in your chest consumed you. You let your back hit the door, sliding down it until you were sitting on the floor, against the door knees tucked to your chest. Hot tears ran down your cheeks.

You would never be able to have someone like Jessie. You didn’t deserve someone like Jessie. You’d likely end up alone, once you get through sleeping with as many girls as you can manage. She’d end up with a picket white fence, a wife, and a couple of kids. You were not a good person, she was. She deserved a happy ending, you didn’t.

You were bitter and she was too sweet.

[lychniis]

⚘ ― EVENFALL ! ( valentines day event ).

( # )ㅤ evenfallㅤ —ㅤ twilight ; dusk. the period or the light from the sky between full night and sunrise or between sunset and full night.

syn. a valentines day / white day event inspired by hozier lyrics ( and also seconding as my 1000 follower event i suppose XD ). feel free to drop by and select a prompt from the list below alongside a flower / genre. you could always opt for more flowers. however please note that minors are not allowed to request for / interact with nsfw works. please note that the maximum character limit is three.

this was more of a last minute bout of silliness, but i'd love to write some requests for you guys after supporting me and my bs for nearly two years now XD. so hey hey, my inbox is open to be raided! i'm currently taking this event for genshin impact and honkai star rail!

prompts. the prompts and flowers available are listed below. you can request a single prompt + one of more flowers of your choice! you could also add some additional suggestions if you'd like, say a setting or an au or a scenario! requests close by the 20th of febuary. i'll start posting on white day, march 14th.

daisy — fluff.

hyacinth — angst.

tulip — crack / humor.

orchid — smut.

i. ❛ there’s nothing sweeter than my baby. ❜

ii. ❛ no grave can hold my body down, i’ll crawl home to her. ❜

iii. ❛ you knew who i was with every step that i ran to you. ❜

iv. ❛ some like to imagine. the dark caress of someone else. i guess any thrill will do. ❜

v. ❛ honey, when you kill the lights and kiss my eyes. i feel like a person for a moment of my life. ❜

vi. ❛ i’d suffer hell if you’d tell me what you’d do to me tonight. ❜

vii. ❛ honey please, try to love me. my love will never die. ❜

viii. ❛ know that i would gladly be the icarus to your certainty, oh my sunlight. ❜

ix. ❛ you don’t understand, you should never know, how easy you are to need. ❜

x. ❛ idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on his sword. ❜

xi. ❛ honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips. ❜

xii. ❛ i'm so full of love I could barely eat. ❜

xiii. ❛ honey you're familiar, like my mirror years ago. ❜

xiv. ❛ i know who i am when i’m alone. i’m something else when i see you. ❜

xv. ❛ there’s something tragic about you. ❜

xvi. ❛ there’s nothing sweeter than my baby. ❜

xvii. ❛ still my heart is heavy with the hate of some other man’s beliefs. ❜

xviii. ❛ i’ve known the warmth of your doorways. through the cold, i’ll find my way back to you. ❜

xix. ❛ screaming the name of a foreigner's god, the purest expression of grief. ❜

xx. ❛ i couldn’t utter my love when it counted, but i’m singing like a bird about it now.

xxi. ❛ the only heaven i’ll be sent to is when i’m alone with you. ❜

xxii. ❛ i’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. ❜

xxiii. ❛ i have never known peace like the damp grass that yields to me. ❜

xxiv. ❛ honey please, try to love me. my love will never die. ❜

xxv. ❛ i had been lost to you, sunlight, and flew like a moth to you. ❜

xxvi. ❛ it’s not my arms that will fail me, but this world takes more strength than it gave me. ❜

xxvii. ❛ i need you to run to me, run until you feel your lungs bleeding. ❜

xxviii. ❛ i will not ask where you came from. i will not ask and neither should you. ❜

xxix. ❛ be still, my foolish heart. don't ruin this on me. ❜

xxx. ❛ honey, i wanna race you to the table, if you hesitate, the getting is gone. ❜

( all the dialog prompts presented here are taken from songs by hozier. i own none of them. )

EVENT WORKSㅤ •ㅤ ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN

[lesbicosmos]

six of crows is so incredibly hozier coded and to prove it ive assigned each character/couple a song and given a specific section of the lyrics

(i feel entirely normal about this i swear)

the books in general are 100% eat your young

There's money to be made, whatever's still to come Get some Pull up the ladder when the flood comes Throw enough rope until the legs have swung Seven new ways that you can eat your young Come and get some Skinning the children for a war drum Putting food on the table selling bombs and guns It's quicker and easier to eat your young

kaz brekker - arsonist's lullabye

When I was 16, my senses fooled me Thought gasoline was on my clothes I knew that something would always rule me I knew the scent was mine alone All you have is your fire And the place you need to reach Don't you ever tame your demons But always keep 'em on a leash

inej ghafa - would that i

With the war of the fire My heart moves to its feet Like the ashes of ash I saw eyes in the heat Feel it soft and as pure as snow Fell in love with the fire long ago With each love I could lose I was never the same Watch it still live in roofs Be consumed by the flame I was fixed on your hand of gold Lay in waste of my lovin' long ago

jesper fahey - someone new

There's an art to life's distractions To somehow escape the burning weight, the art of scraping through Some like to imagine The dark caress of someone else, I guess any thrill will do Would things be easier if there was a right way? Honey, there is no right way

wylan van eck - through me (the flood)

Any time I've struggled on Against the course Out on my own Every time I'd burn through the world, I'd see That the world, it burns through me

nina zenik - angel of small death and the codeine scene

Feeling more human and hooked on her flesh, I Lay my heart down with the rest at her feet Fresh from the fields, all fetor and fertile It's bloody and raw, but I swear it is sweet With her sweetened breath, and her tongue so mean She's the angel of small death and the codeine scene

(this is so nina post-parem)

matthias helvar - foreigner's god

Her eyes look sharp and steady Into the empty parts of me But still my heart is heavy With the hate of some other man's beliefs

kaz/inej - work song

When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

(this is just so i would come for you and if i couldn't walk i'd crawl to you i cannot)

matthias/nina - in a week

A thousand teeth And yours among them, I know Our hungers appeased Our heartbeats becoming slow We lay here for years or for hours Thrown here or found To freeze or to thaw So long we become the flowers Two corpses we were

(they're also incredibly work song coded, it was a struggle choosing between helnik and kanej for that one)

wylan/jesper - like real people do

So I will not ask you Why you were creeping In some sad way I already know I will not ask you where you came from I will not ask and neither should you Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips We should just kiss like real people do

[operationslipperypuppet]

we all know work song is a hardshine song, so what if i put a bunch of naddpod moments together to make that more true.

Transcript:

Moments from Work Song by Hozier and (in order) C1E54, C1E68, C1E91, C1E70 (two clips), C3E39, C3E32, C3E30, C3E45 (two clips), and C3E44 edited together. Song lyrics are in bold. Episode jumps without lyrics between them are shown with "--".

When my time comes around

Murph [narrating]: Hardwon, you are in this strange, in between world. {Kingshammer begins playing in the background} Like, the Feywild right now looks like an oil painting, like it's gray and white, and you can vaguely see what's going on, but it's all blurry. And you hear a bunch of voices in the distance. You hear the voice of Gemma, in the distance going:

Gemma [Murph, whispering]: Hardwon, it's not your time yet, Hardwon. Hardwon, we'll be together but not now.

Hardwon [Jake]: Gemma.

Murph: You hear another voice calling to you.

Elias Stormborn [Murph]: Son, join me in the halls of Isgard.

Murph: And from somewhere else, you hear dissonant whispers, but amongst them you recognize the voice of the Widow.

Lydia Stormborn (The Widow) [Murph]: We can get out together, we can get out together.

Hardwon: Mother?

{Kingshammer slowly fades out}

Lay me gently in the cold, dark earth

Moonshine [Emily]: {Gutless plays in the background} Um, I just wanna remind you, not every problem needs to be fixed, but, if you want, I can reincarnate you.

Hardwon [Jake]: I wanna die, real bad.

[Caldwell laughs]

Moonshine: Okay, well, I'm gonna take that as a positive because if you die, then I can reincarnate ya.

Hardwon: Take it whatever way you want [chuckles]. Uh, but no, I, yeah, no, that's, that's the right interpretation.

Moonshine [overlapping]: Hardwon -

Hardwon: I w - I -

Moonshine: I really don't want you to want to die, because I want you to live so much and I don't wanna be alone in that feelin'.

Hardwon: I don't wanna die. I wanna - I wanna - I wanna live again.

No grave can hold my body down

Murph [narrating]: And you guys hear its voice, uh, simultaneously echoing through the cave and also sounding like it's right over your shoulder, somebody whispering into your ear.

[Emily hums in acknowledgement]

Death [Murph]: Hardwon Surefoot.

Beverly [Caldwell]: Woah!

Hardwon [Jake]: 'Sup?

Death: {The Purge starts playing in the background} You should be dead.

Hardwon: Yeah, looks like you can't do your job right, can ya? [Caldwell chuckles]

Death: The reason I can't do my job is because people like Beverly and Moonshine break the laws of death.

Hardwon: Careful, you're talking about my family.

I'll crawl home to her

Murph [narrating]: {Oh, Melora! plays in the background} Hardwon, your spirit, um, flies into this body. Uh, you see, Melora picks it up, pulls him out of the sea, and brings half-elf Hardwon into this, um, demiplane with all you guys.

[Caldwell laughs]

--

Hardwon [/Jake]: {Tale's End plays in the background} I smash my forehead against Moonshine's, too. [Emily laughs in delight] And say, hey, if I was gonna come back as anything, I'm proud to come back as half of you.

When my time comes around

Hardwon [Jake]: But, Beverly and Moonshine? They don't need me. [pauses] And, and I have to be okay with that.

--

Hardwon: {A Memory plays in the background} But I'm coming to understand the reality - that they're gonna stay as strong and heroic as we all once were, and I'm going to fade away.

Lay me gently in the cold dark earth

Hardwon [Jake]: Um, do me one, one favor? If I start to slow you down {bird chirping sound in background}, you leave me behind.

No grave can hold my body down

Hardwon [Jake]: {metal guitar music plays in the background} Hardwon kips up.

Murph [narrating]: Your eyes are closed, you're knocked out, you remember the last time you were knocked out by an avatar of Gruumsh, you know you can't let that happen again. Just pure, force of will, you jolt your heart and get it going again, and you kip up.

--

Murph [narrating]: {The Hexblood Centurions plays in the background} Hardwon, you are suddenly jolted back awake with the help of Sol, you see Sol hovering over you.

Hardwon [Jake]: Oh, my god -

Sol [Caldwell]: Hey.

Hardwon: - do I love the smell of mushrooms after I wake up from death. [Caldwell laughs]

I'll crawl home to her

Hardwon [Jake]: [other cast members laughing throughout] Moonsh - Moonshine, if you can hear me, I'll be there tomorrow. I'll be there tomorr- I'm coming. As fast as I can.