#man am i allowed to tag the specific things

[citrussly]

formative part of your childhood and/or early internet usage?

or pick whichever one is your main one today. i'm not a cop, i won't know.

[dollishmehrayan]

𐔌 . ⋮ DAMIAN WAYNE AS A S/O .ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱ ── .✦ ( solo damian wayne x reader run )

𝜗𝜚 a/n: I’ve been reading damian’s run these days and aww stop he’s so adorable anyways I thought why not to write something for him to get out my writers block sooo enjoy?? anyways I was pressured by my bbg @kyriakis to post this so after this I’ll probably write genuine hcs of him only of things he probably does / used to based off canon, tags: ( damian wayne x reader ) ! Disclaimer the following tags include jason, dick, bruce, Tim even when not mentioned this allows for the fandom to equally react since most don’t follow damian tag

© dollishmehrayan — ( all rights reserved to me. These works cannot be reposted, translated, or modified. Thank you for understanding dollies! )

A BIT OF A GREAT GIFTER ── .✦

Damian’s idea of romance is... a little dramatic. You once casually mentioned how you like the color purple or any other color and the next day you received an extravagant bouquet of rare lavender flowers, LIKE THIS MAN REMEMBERS WELL.

“Purple is a necessary part of your aesthetic,” he states nonchalantly as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

But then, if you ever mention how much you love a particular type of chocolate or a specific scent, he’ll track it down and somehow acquire it without you knowing and just say it’s a ‘gift’ as if he didn’t spend hours finding it.

And if you dare to ask him about it? PFFFF

“Tt, don’t know what you’re talking about. I simply noticed the details, as any competent person would.”

DRAMATIC BUT ON LEVEL 10 ── .✦

Damian acts like you’re going on an actual mission when you leave the house. “What do you mean you’re going for a walk? You can’t just walk around Gotham. There’s danger everywhere.”, “It’s just a bodega damian.”

And even if it’s just a trip to the store, he’ll insist on accompanying you with that “I’m doing this for your own safety” tone, but the moment you come back home, he acts like he’s been out on patrol the entire time.

“I’ve successfully completed the task of ensuring no harm came to you.” HIS LOVE IS IN ACTIONS NOT WORDS OKAY?!

He says this while wearing a full suit and tie, because of course, that makes sense for a walk to the bodega ( corner shop )

Not the Best at Compliments, but...

Damian’s way of showing affection can be a little... rough. But somehow, it always gets the point across, think of like people being sarcastic as a love language but his seems to be like kinda blunt? Where at first he won’t say out loud ‘oh I love you’ no but he isn’t ignorant either, he knows he loves you and that’s validated to him.

“You’re fine. I mean, I guess I could see how someone would find you attractive. It’s not the worst thing in the world.”

And then he’ll look at you, almost daring you to call him out. But in truth, his eyes are saying, “I think you’re the most beautiful person in the world, but I’ll never admit it because I am Damian Wayne, and I am far too cool for this.”

The thing is, though, he’ll do anything to make sure you’re happy, even if it means begrudgingly going out of his way to make sure you get exactly what you want.

WILL DEFEND YOU 100% ── .✦

one of his brothers say something mildly annoying to you?

“Don’t talk to them like that.”

Damian’s got your back no matter how small the offense.

Someone’s being rude to you in public? He’s ready to pull a full I’m Damian Wayne, son of Batman, sole heir to ra’s al ghul and start a verbal altercation, followed by a very intense, “No, they didn’t just say that about you” look.

You? Trying to defuse the situation like a normal person?

Damian? “Nope, too late. I already decided it’s a fight now, this is mockery.

If you’re lucky, he’ll look at you and say, “It’s okay. I’m protecting you,” with a glint in his eye that says, “And you better be grateful.”

GENUINELY DOESNT GET PDA BUT FOR A GOOD REASON ── .✦

Damian’s not one to show affection publicly. In fact, he’ll try to avoid touching you at all if he’s around anyone. But the second he’s sure no one is looking, you’ll catch him glaring at you from across the room like, “We’re together, and everyone should know it, but I won’t say it.” BUT he isn’t embarrassed by you or isn’t hiding you relationship

It’s just private not secret.

He’ll give you the occasional side-hug or brush your hand ever so slightly, then immediately retreat like nothing happened if you don’t grab it fast enough.

But if you’re standing near him, don’t be surprised when he casually places a hand on your shoulder or rests his head on yours... only for it to turn into the most awkward five seconds ever, followed by an immediate, “What? It’s not like I wanted to do that. You were in my personal space.” HE DOESNR WANT TO ADMIT HE’S DEPENDENT 😭

So, yeah. PDA with Damian is... complicated, BUT ITS DIFFERENT

“It’s a Normal Relationship. I Don’t Know What You’re Talking About”

Damian, when you ask if he wants to do something like go for a walk, or watch a movie together:

“I don’t know what you mean. We’re not doing anything special. This is just a normal... well, normal for us. What is ‘normal,’ anyway?”

And yet, there he is, sitting with you, absolutely enjoying the time together trying to act like it's nothing special, but he’s leaning in just a little too close to you to be that casual.

Sometimes, he’ll act like he’s too cool for the typical date stuff, but in reality, he’s all in. He’s just trying to pretend he’s not, to maintain his Bat-cred.

COMPETITIVE TO A TEA ── .✦

This seems like a regular occurrence for him where, it’s not only you but anyone, he likes competition and challenges in general by classmates, friends, you, teammates, anyone. ( This also why he doesn’t do well on teams in canon but we ain’t ready for this convo )

Whenever there’s something to compete over whether it’s a simple game or a sparring match damian’s all in. He takes everything way too seriously.

“I’ll beat you at Mario Kart.”

Damian: “Tt, you think I’m going to let you win? You underestimate me immensely this is social injustice to my name.”

And the next thing you know, he’s strategizing his every move, plotting out every turn like he’s planning an actual mission. MEANWHILE ITS JUST JENGA DAMN

When he inevitably wins (because he’s Damian Wayne, and you knew he was going to), he’ll throw you the most smug smile.

“I told you. You should’ve known better.”

BUT HE LOVES YOU ── .✦

Underneath the tough exterior, Damian’s a softie who occasionally lets his guard down when you're alone together. He might not say it, but you know when he's trying to be vulnerable.

For example, one evening, after a particularly intense patrol or he says something too smart during a simple game of uno , he’ll just stare at you, quietly, in the way that only Damian can.

“You’re... okay, right? I didn’t, uh, hurt you…. I apologize for my lack of understanding if that hurt you.”

You’ll blink and be like, “You literally saved me like 10 minutes ago?”

And he’ll just look away, muttering something like, “Well, I don’t want you to get hurt. I just... don’t want to lose anyone again.” ( damian ‘I will not have anyone dying for my mistakes the way he did’ Wayne ☹️

And then he’ll change the subject super quickly, because he doesn’t want to burden you with his fears

[cece693]

I just like Hannibal crying...is that weird?? Like, there's just something beautifully poetic about this monstrous man who is still able to feel and show those emotions, in the face of something that does move him. Anyway, I just wanted to write something with a sad Hannibal and couldn't help myself. Be prepared, it's long and sad.

EVEN DEATH CANNOT SEPARATE US

pairing: hannibal lecter x gender neutral reader tags: sad ending, both characters are dead, you actually have a terminal illness, it's not specific though, use your imagination, hannibal dies because he can't fathom to continue living without you, I like how this turned out, mention of afterlife

The Baltimore townhouse is hushed in the late-winter dusk, firelight peeling slow amber across mahogany paneling and half-empty bookcases. It smells of eucalyptus and polished leather and, faint beneath it all, the sterile sweetness of the morphine drip that follows you now like a last, reluctant valet.

You sit in one of the Hepplewhite wing-backs, quilt tucked around your shoulders. Every motion has become deliberate: you fold your hands, you breathe, you listen to the crackle of cedar. Hannibal kneels at your feet to adjust the quilt as though it were ceremonial—perhaps it is. He smooths the fabric over your knee, tracing the bones beneath, catalogue-careful, a man committing sacred anatomy to memory.

“You should save that strength,” you murmur; your voice is frayed silk.

“So should you,” he counters, but the words lack their usual lattice of irony. When he looks up, his eyes are almost fever-bright. He is not wearing a suit tonight—only a dark cashmere sweater whose sleeves bunch at the elbows—and the small untidiness feels indecent, a bare throat in church.

A strand of silver hair has fallen forward. You lift a trembling hand to tuck it behind his ear. “I’m not afraid, Hannibal.”

“I know.” His fingers circle your wrist to steady you; the gentleness burns. “Neither am I.”

You could tell him he’s lying, but you don’t. Fear is too small a word for what lives behind his composure. He is a creature accustomed to eternity—cultivating it in cellars, plating it in crystal bowls—yet here you sit, proof that time can still spoil the very finest cut. That discovery terrifies him more than death ever could.

“Come here,” you say.

He rises, settles on the ottoman so your knees bracket his ribs. Your pulse drums weakly under his palm. The fire pops and a coal collapses—soft thunder, like applause heard from behind velvet curtains. Hannibal’s gaze drifts to the hearth; when he speaks again his voice is hoarse, low:

“Does it hurt?”

“It already does. Not in ways morphine can touch.” You give a rueful smile. “But that’s all right. Hurt means I’m still here with you.”

A muscle leaps in his jaw. “And when you are not?”

“Then the hurt is yours.” You skim his cheek with your thumb, feel the heat of unshed tears there—Hannibal Lecter, whose eyes have witnessed rivers of blood without once watering, and yet for you... The first tear breaks, slow as syrup. It charts a shining course along the fine line of his nose and drops to your quilt. Another follows. He doesn’t wipe them away; he lets them fall the way one allows candles to gutter after guests depart—a sign that the evening, at last, is over.

You try to memorize the sight: the tremor in his lower lip, the wet lashes, the velvet darkness of his irises. You realize you are smiling. “Beautiful,” you whisper.

He bows his head until his brow meets the back of your hand. “This is unbecoming.”

“It’s the most becoming thing I’ve ever seen you do.” Your lungs tighten; you rest, catching breath. Hannibal’s tears soak your skin, warm, startling. “Promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“Live. Live like you always do—gloriously, shamelessly. Don’t pickle yourself in grief. I wouldn’t stand for that.”

He lifts his head. “You would haunt me?”

“Relentlessly.”

A ghost of a smile touches his mouth, and you see the man you met years ago—the impeccable host with jokes folded between syllables like origami knives. Now the knife is turned inward. “Very well,” he says. “I will live. But I will not love.”

“You will,” you assure him, “because loving me taught you how. Even if you hate it, the lesson’s learned.” Your eyes sting; vision doubles. “And I’ll go knowing I moved an immovable heart.”

Silence settles, thick and reverent. Hannibal slips from the ottoman to the rug, drawing your hand to his lips. He doesn’t kiss it. Instead, he rests it over his own heart, as though he means to press it through flesh, through bone, lock it there before the beat stops beneath your ribs.

The townhouse remains hushed after the last ember fails, but something enormous and wordless ripples in its bones—a tectonic shift in the house’s cruel, curated stillness. Hannibal does not rise. He feels the thin weight of you cooling in his arms and discovers, with surgical clarity, that grief is a blade he cannot grip by the handle; it cuts no matter how delicately he holds it.

It is obscene, almost comical, that the Chesapeake Ripper should finally understand loss in so ordinary a fashion. All the elaborately posed corpses, all the aria-sweet deaths he has orchestrated, and here—when confronted with a passing as gentle as candle-smoke—he is undone.

Sadness was always a flavor he served to others. Now it coats the back of his own throat like ash. It has no elegance, no aesthetic potential; it is simply weight. It drags his ribs inward until every breath rasps. The house feels too voluminous, every hallway an echo chamber of absence. His monster’s brain chases solutions—taxonomies, distractions, new hungers to hunt—but they dangle uselessly, gutted of savor.

Hours slide apart from one another like pages warping in rain. He studies your face as rigor settles, committing each micro-contour to the cathedral of his memory. Then, slowly, he begins the rites:

He braids your fingers with his and speaks to you in unhurried Lithuanian lullabies remembered from childhood.

He wipes the last tears from your cheeks, then allows more of his own to fall and replace them—an unbroken exchange, grief for grief, salt for salt.

He refuses a physician, a coroner, any intrusion. Instead, he dresses you in the midnight-blue silk you once wore to the opera, fastens the pearl buttons with hands that suddenly shake, kisses each knuckle when the tremor threatens to snap a thread.

At dawn he carries you to the music room. Mahogany shutters filter new light across the Bösendorfer. He props your body against his chest, one arm beneath your shoulders, the other coaxing a final nocturne from the keys. The notes drag like chains—dense, deliberate—and in them Hannibal folds everything he cannot articulate: rage at his own helpless biology, reverence for your courage, the terrible privilege of watching fearlessness turn cold in his embrace.

By twilight he understands: living was your last command, but obedience has never been his native tongue. To remain here, breathing, is to endure a famine no feast can sate. The concept of years—a month, even a day—spinning forward without your pulse beside his is intolerable, a mathematical obscenity he refuses to solve.

“I will not outlast you,” he murmurs against your temple, voice raw as scraped violin strings. “I gave you my fullness—my darkness, my devotion. What remains is only residue.”

He imagines the simple choreography of a final dinner: crystal decanters reflecting candle-flame, the bouquet of a forty-year Barolo softening the air. There would be music—perhaps that very nocturne, recorded and looping, a hush between phrases like a held breath. And then—quiet, clinical—he will follow your path, matching your heartbeat’s last count with a dose measured to the milligram. An ending of his own composition, stitched neatly to the end of yours.

Before he executes the coda, he wraps you in a shroud of black cashmere and lowers you into the crypt beneath the townhouse, a space he once reserved for rarer vintages. Now, it becomes a sanctuary of two. He seals the room, presses his palm to the cool door, and speaks—not an operatic benediction, but a single, naked sentence that tastes of iron and farewell:

“Wait for me.”

And he knows you will.

When midnight returns, Hannibal ascends the spiral stairs, the house sighing underfoot like an old instrument retired from concert halls. In the dining room, he lights three candles—one for the life you lived, one for the life he spent beside you, and one for the small span that will soon join them.

The monster, at last, is no more afraid of death than you were, for death is only the corridor back to your side. Every other appetite pales. Every instinct of preservation folds, effortlessly, into hunger for reunion.

[tra-gay]

Pairings: Marco The Phoenix x Reader

summary: When your period starts, teach pisses you off, so you bug Marco.

Tags: teach being a jerk, period, cramps, mood swings, comfort, nonbinary

"What are you on your period?" Teach looked at you with annoyance from your recently bitter attitude and thin patience.

"No, So stop fucking pestering me with stupid ass shit!" you stood up from the table you all had been sitting around talking. "You need to learn to stop being a jerk for no goddamn reason."

You didnt understand why you, specifically. but Teach seemed to enjoy getting on your nerves very often. typically making uncomfortable or ignorant remarks, often they were shut down by Marco, Ace, and really anyone nearby but he just wouldn't quit in the past few days and it Irritated you.

"You need to learn to calm down, brat." His lips curled as he realized he was making you more furious by the moment. Your eye twitched with a deep scowl on your face. "The fuck-" you were cut off by Aces hand infront of you.

"Teach, quit it." Ace retorted, giving him a look which only caused the mans expression to grow.

"Tch." you clicked your tongue before turning on your heel and storming out.

you heard everyones voice going back and forth along with Teach's annoying laughter.

You knew Pop's would scold him later.. but that did noting to ease your sour mood. shit. you knew everyone here typically could tell when you were on your period. but it was humiliating for someone to call it out.

you noticed that Teach loved to bother you even more around your time of them month.. but maybe you really were just being dramatic..?

Letting out a sigh, You stopped in your tracks, realizing you were outside the infirmary. pushing the door open, you peeked in looking for your boyfriend.

"Marco?" you called out, receiving no response, then shuffled in and fell onto the tiny bed. Youre aware that Marco was usually pretty occupied, so you chose to wait for him. As you closed your eyes, you lost sense of time and dozed off

You stirred from the sound of the door opening. choosing to curl into your and ignore it. your arms hugged yourself, naturally trying to ease the pain of your cramps in your sleep.

it wasnt till you felt a warm hand on your forehead, did you open your eyes. "Marco..?"

You glance upward, noticing his hazy shape sharpen as your tired eyes adjusted. "Having a nap? were you waiting on me-yoi?"

Sitting up, you let out a yawn. "Where were you?"

"Talking to pops... Ace told me what happened, what to talk about it?" He raised a brow to you as he turned to place something on the desk.

"No.. im just..-" You trailed off, refusing to look at him.

"I know (y/n)-yoi" He replied.

"Am i.. petulant?" You had a moody aura to you, unable to hide your hormonal issues. "Is that something Teach said?" Marco questioned

"Sort of.. I dont get what his issue is. He doesn't just start things with anyone else?" Crossing your leg over the other, you started fiddling with your hands in your lap.

"I think he is just jealous of the favouritism you receive from pops and everyone else-yoi" He shrugged, grabbing some medicine before handing it to you.

You looked up at him slightly confused, to which he smiled. "For your cramps."

You made a small 'oh' sound before taking it. "You could tell?" With a face of disgust, you swallowed.

"Im your partner and your doctor, of course I know (y/n)-yoi" You looked up at him as he spoke, uncrossing your legs and holding your arms out so he could come closer.

Marco looked at you with a soft expression befote stepping closer and allowing you to wrap your arms around him. He could definitely tell that you felt clingy, seeing as it was pretty natural for you to get that way more than usual on your period.

"How much work do you have?" You mumbled into his chest. His warm hands gently rubbing your back.

"I have some things i need to fill out firstto keep track if inventory.. but it shoukdnt take long. what did you have in mind-yoi?" his voice was quiet and you can feel his chest vibrate as he spoke.

looking up, your chin now resting on his chest. "cuddle with me?" you had a pouting look to you which caused Marco to chuckle.

"Of course-yoi." Marco picked you up which caused some shock. you had originally thought he was just going to climb into the bed with you but to your surpised, he sat at his desk with you in his lap, facing him.

"theres no way this will be comfortable for you over time.." you avoided his gaze, your face now supporting a light flush.

"It's fine. I'll just move us after-yoi." his head tilted, trying to meet your feeling gaze. "If you say so.." you muttered, looking back at him.

your eyes shifted down to his lips for a quick second before looking back into his eyes which only cause him to grind. "Just relax-yoi." Marcos hand rubbed your lower back as he planted a small kiss on your lips as to which you happily returned.

"Thank you.." your voice was quiet, as if you were afraid to be heard. "I love you, Marco." your arms wrapped around his shoulders, nuzzling his neck.

"I love you too, (y/n)-yoi"

his hand continued to rub your lower back, and the other was occupied with a pen as you slowly drifted to sleep to the sound of writing and your boyfriends quiet breaths.

[mariusrenathyrs-crashout]

#going back to my 'marius' vampirism is a metaphor for the lasting trauma of sexual abuse' idea#marius is my roman empire

So I did a funny joke post about Marius and this was one of the tags left on it and I'm so sorry prev but you've activated my trap card because I've thought so much about this topic, but have felt too afraid to talk about it unprompted lol. But I am going to spew my guts about how I feel about this symbolism so cw for talks about SA and victim blaming. Cause I have for sure thought about this a lot and gotten sort of heated about jokes about Marius just being a dumb horny knight when he's a whole ass victim of significant trauma.

(tag credit goes to @royhasissues, hope it's ok to post your tags)

So, I loove Marius and one of the main reasons for that is his relationship to trauma and what that both symbolizes for his character as well as how it determines his actions and emotional stability as of episode 32.

Marius Renathyr was someone who thrived off of structure, order and discipline. He was clearly a highly religious man and had followed his religious and orderly tenants to the letter for most of his life. A young Marius was focused on things like war, helping to defend his people and more specifically, protecting his king and best friend from forces that wished for their ruin. As such, I cannot imagine a young Marius really had any type of experience with relationships aside from platonic and brotherly relationships he had built with fellow knights or Victor. So already we have a young inexperienced knight going off on a quest where not only is he leaving the shelter of his kingdom for the first time, he's also on a time limit in which his success or failure could determine the future of an entire kingdom of people.

Then, vulnerable and half starved, he stumbles upon the Duchess who not only takes advantage of his physically weakened state; but also takes advantage of his emotional and mentally weakened state. Lilith as a temptress of course could tempt a young knight, and then to curse him with vampirism after tricking him into sleeping with her is back to back traumatic events - the vamprism something that could be interpreted as a punishment for failing his tenant of chastity. Something that I found interesting too is not only is his kingdom's symbol a rose, but it also is the same symbol as The Duchess - it brings to mind the idea of "deflowering" as a symbol of lost innocence.

From there, he has fought against his vampiric instincts which he viewed as a curse and a punishment for his weakness when in reality, it was not weakness at all. And the way some people react in a sort of joking or unserious way to his attitude towards sleeping with someone, his concerns of being trapped in a power scale imbalance with a strong and powerful woman also shows how his character reflects victim blaming both from others but also internalized victim blaming. It is why I think the scene of his friends trying to convince him to sleep with the Inquisitor only for Yorgrim to shut it down and back Marius up is such a powerful scene because it showed how some of his friends did not understand the level of trauma he had experienced despite how he bares literal physical reminders of the trauma he had experienced decades prior and how it still weighs so heavily on him.

Not to mention how Marius' bloodlust and how his aversion to getting too close to people - particularly Lethica who he shows clear romantic feelings for - is also symbolic of his trauma reactions. He is unable to allow himself that sort of closeness or intimacy with another person, even if there is no sexual motivation or undertones about their interactions, it's still a fear response of wishing to avoid any possibility of being harmed once again or lashing out due to that trauma.

And mind you, this is all worsening for him around the same time he comes to realize he's lost his connection to his God, his king and best friend he went on this quest for is dead, 2 of his closest friends are also dead, and many other awful horrors have befallen him and his group, it makes sense why his emotional and mental stability have started crumbling so drastically. And then, when he is at his lowest, who swoops in to whisper false promises and telling him he can be strong once more, protected once more, that this all can be worth it if he just listens to her? The one being who gave him this trauma in the first place. She swoops in and talks to him tenderly, who caresses him and tells him it'll be ok, that he can be what he was once more, that she will help him if only he listens to her and stays with her and loves her and nobody else. Nobody else. There's a lack of clarity, a lack of stability, of rational thought. Marius entrusts himself to her now because it's hard escaping from your abuser when they act like they're your protector instead.

[velvetvexations]

Saw your tags on that binder post and I thought I’d share that my first introduction to chest binding was actually through the lolita community! A lot of big name japanese brands are not exactly size inclusive and did NOT cater to anyone with more than an A cup, so I did see quite a lot of safe binding advice and methods on blogs and forums back in the day before more inclusive brands became available, ranging from sports bra to actual proper binders. I’m probably not the only example of the “binding to fit into an angelic pretty dress” to “binding to fit into an angelic pretty dress and gender reasons)” pipeline, but plenty of other lolitas I know are still cis women who just do it on occasion or for specific pieces that aren’t very forgiving on the tits! I doubt that a single niche fashion subculture is the reason for those binders being marketed towards cis women so heavily, but I thought this was a funny anecdote :)

Fascinating!

patricia taxxon shit really fucking hurts. i dont want to be effected by a random internet microcelebrity not liking transdudes, that happens often enough. but god her music and essays got me through really rough shit and it really hurts to see someone i looked up to for well written essays and work fall back on the bullshit arguments used to deny my lived experiences. it really really fucking hurts, especially with how it feels barely anyone will talk about or call it out. i thought trfs were something id have to look hard for, and seeing their rhetoric creep into the fucking music i listen to and tumblrs i follow really truly scares me

I'm sorry, anon. I love you a lot. <3

“You shouldn’t break up the trans community into groups!” The TRFs literally came up with a way to break up the community via TMA/TME. They are actively distancing themselves from the community by baking fearmongering into their ideology. God forbid we create a term about sticking together against a group within the community that’s inherently dividing?

lmao literally

Just had my first time getting sexually harassed by a woman as a percieved cis man and commiserating afterwards with a cis man about how we're all just supposed to be cool with being treated like that. It's a weird experience and somehow going through the same things mostly from women as a girl then nonbinary then a trans guy it feels the same but the flavors change. I know the discourse is literally nothing but it makes me feel like my feelings shouldn't matter because of the male privilege. And I even did my civic duty and took the brunt of it away from the other trans man who was getting it worse because of his percieved feminine traits which people also like to pretend doesn't happen. All of it is just stupid.

It's fine, she was a woman and you're a man so that was praxis sexual harassment.

honestly i think a better predictor of how much autonomy a child is able to have over their presentation is probably whether the child is disabled moreso than agab, like i not only wasn't allowed to have my hair too short, i also wasn't allowed to have it too long for a chunk of my childhood because it took me awhile to understand how to brush my hair (because i was afraid to because i am hypersensitive to touch and my mother would always brush my hair in a way that hurt so much i would cry), and my mother would bitch and moan about how difficult i was about it (because she was hurting me and did not listen when i told her this) and so i wasn't allowed to have longer hair until i could brush it myself. ultimately the biggest factor is always the attitude of the parents though

God, so much of my shit with my mother was over my hair, it still really gets to me.

TRF is like the whole voting for face eating panthers. But it’s like TERFs are the panthers and TRFs are a cheetah, like “I’m a kind of cat too so they won’t eat my face as long as I eat faces too right?” WRONG they see you as prey, they won’t spare you because they see a fellow cat, they’ll eat your face cuz you’re not a panther!

cis women will like me if I explain to them how I'm -taxonomically- a woman

it’s insane to me that ‘it’s bad to hate someone for an uncontrollable part of their identity no matter who they are’ is a controversial take now

we've regressed

when people say ‘um ackshually i can say i want all men to die and if you tell me “men see these things and go far right because they think it’s true” then you are blaming women for men’s bad behaviour’ i just immediately assume that this person is stupid as fuck like. if a teenage boy goes online to see what feminism is about and is bombarded with ‘kill all men’ ‘all men are rapists’ etc then OBVIOUSLY he’s not gonna want to be feminist. it is really not that fucking hard to understand. people don’t wanna be in spaces that are cruel to them for an aspect of their identity that they cannot control it’s not ‘blaming women for misogynistic men’ to say that. it’s just fucking true. people are so stupid it actually pains me

unfortunately radfem juice is addictive

[dirtbag-dyke-hypnotist]

Introductions are in order, I suppose.

Lore, (Dr.) Adrastea, and Percy are our names. Lore is preferred, but we will tell you which to use if needed.

21, genderweird, plural, kinky bi/ace domme, @spiraleyedlore is my main.

Minors dni, cis man doms you aint wanted here.

Everything you see here is fantasy. I will be posting some very intense stuff here, but let it be known it doesn't reflect my real political or philosophical beliefs. If it still pisses you off, you might be the problem, not me. Every post is also from the perspective of Me as the domme, unless i actively say otherwise. Make sure you read everything here before dming me.

Don't fucking add extra "oh this is totally me" shit to my original posts (and id prefer if you didnt do it in general tbh). Its about Me, not you. And don't fuckin call Me titles out of the blue, you may call Me a title once you've earned it, with the only exception being Goddess. If you read this, tell me your regular drink order when you go to a cafe.

Now that pet peeves and general stuff is out of the way, kink likes and dislikes are under the cut. Keep in mind, this list is always updating and being elaborated on.

Obsessed:

Hypnosis, mind control, possession (as in ghost stuff), memory play, worship, personality play

Love em:

Drone stuff, tech control, genderplay, orientation play (esp just altering peoples sexuality to be just Me), forcefem/forcemasc, ego death and rewriting, hypnotized service (making people draw or write or do other things for me), cnc, intox (weed or alcohol, though i am open to other things!), dollification

Like em:

detrans (never permanent), rapeplay, fauxcest (esp sister stuff), cuck, findom, bimboification, boot stuff, emotional sadism, dombreaking

Occasionally in the mood (ask before engaging in it)

physical sadism, possessiveness (needs to be close, genuine, and im allowed to act on it partly, not just a scene thing), petplay, ageplay, mommy kink, vore, musk/scent kink, class play

Not into it:

feet, breeding, pregnancy, feeder/feedee, extreme inflation/extremely large parts, actual incest kink

Dont bring it up around me (i might block you if your posting this, nothing personal. this isnt a dni)

hdg aka human domestication guide (for personal association reasons), sissy anything, eating disorder kinks, watersports, scat, ab/dl, raceplay, real sexism and transphobia, b*mb* sl**p

Ask me to tag stuff!! If you want me to tag a certain kink I regularly post, ask or dm me and I will try my best to tag it. Also, if I have you blocked on my main but you wish to be unblocked, send an anon with your blog you want unblocked, and I might unblock it if I'm feeling merciful~

I use a modified stoplight system for check ins during scenes. I will either ask directly, or use a stoplight emoji to ask how you are feeling! If you aren't familiar with it, green means continue on, yellow means to take a minute and check in/slow down, and red means to stop completely. I will always respect these, no matter how intense the scene is. I also use blue, which you can use if you like the specific thing I am doing and want more. If you read this far, tell me a fun fact when you first dm me. Never be afraid to use these in scene, I would rather know you are comfortable during the scene.

Remember that kink isn't reality. I am still a person behind this screen, and you are too. I will play an exaggerated version of ourself here, and let my most controversial kinks be known. I try to be safe with my kink play, but I practice RACK and know that some kinks may come with inherent risks.

Final rules! Be respectful, don't lie to me (if you break my trust im not fuckin with you anymore), and don't be an actual bigot. Now go have some fun, n get a little bit Worse for Me~

[adinfernumadinfinitum]

Welcome to my silly little fan theory @emmg:

How Raphael is the ‘Mastermind’ behind the plot of Baldur’s Gate 3…

…or how I give him more importance than I should.

DISCLAIMER:

In this ‘dissertation,’ I present my take on things based on Dungeons and Dragons 5e lore from the Forgotten Realms universe, along with fandom theories and headcanons where they suit me. This is NOT an in-depth analysis of anything, so I won’t be reciting specific quotes, etc.

I repeat, this is just MY take on things. If a similar theory already exists, feel free to reach out, and I’ll gladly tag the material!

Oh, and there are a lot of spoilers about, well, everything, so read at your own risk ⚠️

I thank the lovely @bitethedevil for allowing me to tag their posts, making it easier on me so I don’t have to write everything out! I also want to take this moment to appreciate their work and contributions to this fandom! ☺️

Introduction

Baldur’s Gate 3 is a brilliant, complex, multi-layered game filled with multiple villains, heroic figures, and a plot that weaves players in seamlessly. That’s why we love this game—at least, that’s why I do—the gripping storyline and its faceted characters.

The game is set in the Forgotten Realms with DnD lore and rules, while still adding and maintaining its own unique features and twists.

But what if we entirely take a look at it from DnD lore perspective?

Section 1: Raphael as the core character in Baldur’s Gate 3

Fans of the Emperor might argue with me here, but oh man, have you seen how many pies Raphael has his fingers in?

This narcissistic little shit of a cambion plotted his grand design to take the Crown of Karsus for over 2,000 years, planning everything with terrifying precision and putting in a staggering amount of effort—all to manipulate Tav or Durge into giving him the crown.

To understand just how far back his scheming goes, we have to start with the fall of Netheril. As Raphael himself tells us, this is where it all began, and when his father seized the crown, it became impossible for Raphael to obtain it himself.

Baator—the Nine Layers of Hell—has its own system and rules. The plane is aligned as lawful evil, and by its laws, anyone who breaks them is punished; in other words, theft is a crime (don’t try this at home edition).

Am I going to explain the system and rules of the Nine Hells? Hell no, or I’ll be sitting here until next Halloween. Sorry, maybe in a separate post sometime (or not) 😭

So Raphael had to get creative if he wanted to get his greedy claws on the crown.

You can read about how much Raphael’s involvement is actually found in the game Baldur’s Gate 3 here.

What’s relevant for this ‘dissertation’ are the following points, which all show how he orchestrates the plot:

1. Raphael, Vlaakith, and the Astral Prism —

Raphael even plots to capture Orpheus. Not personally, of course, but with the knowledge that it could benefit him and would even serve its purpose in the future. This is a crucial detail.

However, I don’t believe Raphael would craft or have someone craft an item like the Astral Prism, as well as the bindings of Orpheus (the mask, chains, and binding crystals) and the Orphic Hammer. It’s more likely these objects already existed in the Hells, with Raphael profiting by dealing with them.

Sadly there is no official information on that, I really find that interesting.

As for why the Orphic Hammer is called Orphic Hammer - why is Orpheus called Orpheus? He’s a liberator for his people, having inherited the power of Mother Gith, who freed the Gith from mind flayer enslavement. The character of Orpheus draws heavily from Orpheus in Greek mythology, a symbol of liberation, love, and the attempt to rescue a soul from the bonds of death. The term “Orphic” reflects this sense of breaking free from constraints or seeking transformation (of course, it has other meanings, too, but this one feels like what the developers were aiming for).

So the hammer’s name has both symbolic depth and a bit of pun, as it’s intended to free the character Orpheus from his chains.

ANYWAY

2. Raphael, Moonrise Towers, and the Gauntlet of Shar —

The amount of interwoven contracts Raphael has made in the Shadow Cursed Lands is suspicious, and each and every one of them is too , an important point.

Isn’t it just a bit too convenient that Ketheric’s misery plays right into Raphael’s hands? The Shadow-Cursed Lands—Reithwin, once ruled by Ketheric, formerly full of Selunite worshippers but ruined by schemes of the Dark Lady who turned a grieving worshipper of her sister into a Shar follower and leader of an army of Dark Justiciars—is a whole breeding ground for contracts and a stage for Raphael’s play.

Hold on, I’m not implying that I believe Raphael had a hand in Shar’s mischief here, but I do think Raphael handpicked Ketheric, a grieving and obsessed madman (a truly tragic character, honestly), to be an unwitting pawn in his schemes, without directly involving himself. To do this, he contracted with desperate beings like the Architect, Yurgir, and the last Dark Justiciar.

To understand why Raphael would even need Ketheric, we have to look a step further.

3. Raphael and my beloved raccoon boy, Gortash —

Raphael buying Gortash from his parents was a calculated move and the final piece in the Netherbrain plot scheme.

I believe Raphael specifically chose Enver Gortash, a boy with potential, for his plans to get the Crown of Karsus.

Look, Gortash is anything but dumb; in fact, he’s the exact opposite. He learned the ropes in Hell, literally imprisoned in Raphael’s House of Hope. All jokes aside about pot-scrubbing duty and overhearing Raphael and Haarlep getting it on, Gortash is a quick learner.

Raphael just had to watch as Gortash escaped the House of Hope with vital information about the crown. With this, Raphael set up an ambitious, cunning man with the drive to steal the crown.

And this is where Ketheric returns to the picture. Ketheric, the chosen of Myrkul; Gortash, the chosen of Bane; and Durge, the chosen of Bhaal.

As for how Raphael might have gotten his hands on Durge? I’ll leave that as the theory’s plot hole.

I could fill it with headcanons—like Gortash and Durge knowing each other even before Gortash was sold—but that feels a bit far-fetched.

Actually, all of this is a bit far-fetched, but hey, it’s my silly little theory.

But hey again, we’re slowly coming to a conclusion how Raphael is the mastermind behind BG3, do you see my vision?

All Raphael needed was patience. The chosen ones, Gortash and Durge, set the stage by planning the Netherbrain coup and, in stealing the crown, executed Raphael’s plan. All they needed was the third chosen, Ketheric, to carry out the rest of the plot: building the Absolute’s army, etc., the rest we know...

So, what was left? Just someone desperate enough to make a deal with Raphael and actually hand over the Crown of Karsus. And how would he pull that off?

✨The Tadpole Gang✨

Every single one of them fits the bill. Especially if the player chooses Durge.

The next question is: how could he manipulate the group if they were under the Absolute’s influence? Well, that’s where the Emperor comes onto the stage.

Because, hear me out one more time: isn’t it convenient that the Emperor, of all people, finds the Astral Prism? A figure obsessed with freedom and manipulation, ambitious and clever, who would serve perfectly as a kind of protection shield from the Elder Brain’s influence for the gang? And to that even a disposable figure as it is a mind flayer who would not be trusted in the end.

(Naturally, in the game the player is the ultimate executional force, making any kind of higher plan or scheme either perfect or useless)

Nevertheless, this is as far as I will dive into this specific pond.

I just think it adds up nicely.

But Björni, if you have a Section 1, what about a Section 2? you might ask. Well, here it comes…

… how this ‘dissertation’ is actually about Mephistopheles being the ‘Mastermind’ behind the plot of Baldur’s Gate 3.

Section 2: Raphael as the Scapegoat

DnD’s lore about fiends—and, specifically, cambions—teaches us that they’re doomed to fail from birth. While they may think they’re in control of their schemes, they’re actually playing into the hands of their fiendish parent.

Ever wondered why Mephistopheles would even bother devouring Raphael if we defeat him? Sure, cambion sons are nourishing (yum yum), but given Mephistopheles’ personality, I’d guess he does it to humiliate his son, even in death, for being a failure—a failure to retrieve the crown for his father.

But wait, Mephistopheles already had the crown—why would he bother plotting all of this just to get it back? Isn’t that a bit over-the-top, Björni?

Bear with me: it’s not officially written anywhere, but it’s more or less canon based on what we know of the Archdevils Asmodeus and Mephistopheles.

Asmodeus rules the Hells, while Mephistopheles, as the Archduke of the 8th layer, Cania, is arguably the second most powerful being in Baator. Mephistopheles has never stopped dreaming of overthrowing Asmodeus, even after repeatedly failing miserably. But if he openly tried to use the crown against Asmodeus, it would be a direct affront, and Asmodeus would have shut it down from the start.

Mephistopheles has other children besides Raphael, and Raphael isn’t exactly useless, he’s actually the complete opposite. Strategically, it wouldn’t make sense to discard such a puppet (call him son)—unless Raphael had done something atrocious. And for someone as mighty as Mephistopheles, controlling his little cambion son would be child’s play. So, then why does Raphael hate his father so much, and why is Raphael ‘residing’ in Avernus?

As we know, Avernus is the armpit of Baator, a plane for exiles and outcasts.

I think Mephistopheles intentionally filled his relationship with Raphael with hatred, so Raphael’s ambition to overthrow his father would ignite and one day serve him. When Mephistopheles got the Crown of Karsus, unable to wield it himself, he set the stage for his son’s scheme—by casting Raphael aside, Mephistopheles set him on the path to steal the crown, with Mephistopheles only indirectly involved in overthrowing Asmodeus. Raphael would do the dirty work—taking over the other layers—before ultimately facing his father, who could then just snatch the crown from him. And yes, I do believe Mephistopheles is arrogant enough to think he’d still be more powerful than his son, even with a god-like artifact. He has that bloated of an ego.

BUT (Nr. 36,252), what about Asmodeus? Wouldn’t he step in and crush the plan?

Here’s the thing: Asmodeus generally doesn’t mind if his archdukes fight for control of their layers, as long as it doesn’t threaten his supreme authority or destabilize Hell’s hierarchy. In fact, he encourages a bit of rivalry and ambition among his archdevils, as infighting serves his purposes.

And can you imagine THE Asmodeus being worried about an over-ambitious cambion?

However, this leads to the TRUE instigator and the true subject of this ‘dissertation’…

… how Asmodeus is actually the ‘Mastermind’ behind the plot of Baldur’s Gate 3.

Section 3: Asmodeus doing things, just because

Joke’s on you—it’s been about Asmodeus all along, because even if he’d lose (not that he ever would—he’s just that powerful), he’d claim at the last minute that it was his plan all along. Losing trusted allies? What a bunch of traitors—perfect excuse to clean house. Losing Baator? Finally, he was sick of the job.

All jokes aside, Asmodeus being the cunning bastard he is, would likely pull off everything mentioned above.

To understand why he’d even bother, let’s take a quick (really quick, this is already getting too long) dive into his background and shenanigans in DnD.

Throughout DnD’s development from 1e to 5e, Asmodeus has gone through quite the evolution, eventually becoming a Greater Deity, the Embodiment of Evil, and one of the mightiest beings in existence, rivaled only by Ao.

While 5e keeps things vague to allow player interpretation, Asmodeus has consistently been the most powerful entity in the Hells—a schemer, strategist, and supreme manipulator.

(Here’s the only quote I’ll reference:) “[…] His sinister machinations could take centuries, if not millennia, to come to fruition, and his master plans extended across the entire multiverse. His labyrinthine, insidious intrigues could seem inexplicable to most outside observers, for Asmodeus let even his own servants stew in fear of his next move. With all the planes as his board, the Lord of Lies maneuvered the forces of evil like chess pieces in his grand designs, slowly and subtly manipulating everyone from deities to, when needed, lowly mortals.”

He’s described as being a thousand steps ahead of everyone. And while most of his plans serve greater purposes beyond even godly comprehension, some things he does just because—just for fun.

CONCLUSION

Of course Asmodeus knew Mephistopheles had the crown. Of course he knew Mephistopheles would never use it openly against him. And of course he knew Mephistopheles would keep scheming to use it indirectly, bringing his cambion son Raphael into the game.

Why would Asmodeus let all this happen, and why am I saying he’s the real mastermind?

Like already mentioned, Asmodeus often (indirectly) encourages and manipulates his archdukes to scheme and fight among themselves as a means to reinforce his dominance, foster survival of the fittest, and test loyalty within the infernal hierarchy. However, he maintains strict boundaries, and any conflict that risks his supreme authority, disrupts Hell’s role in the multiverse, or leads to excessive chaos would be swiftly and ruthlessly quashed. In Asmodeus’s mind, such rivalries are a useful tool—as long as they remain safely under his control.

In my view, the Crown of Karsus was never a real threat to him; this whole plot served his entertainment, tested loyalties, or helped him gauge his chess pieces.

And that’s how Asmodeus is the real mastermind behind the plot of Baldur’s Gate 3.

Thanks for reading this mass of nonsense ❤️

Why I even bothered with all this shit? It’s one of the key plot points in my longfic, Ah, You Devil!

[hellfirenacht]

Wing Man Bonus Story: Next October

This is a non-canon blurb for Wing Man. It’s non-canon because it gives Reader a specific birthday month. This was written for me and for @sheneedsrocknroll92 as we are actually twins with the same October birthday, ignore the gap year between us. 

You don’t need to know much about Wing Man to enjoy this, but you should read it anyway because it’s a finished 86k word Reader/Eddie fic and don’t you want to read a finished fic that long? Yes. Yes you do. (You also want to leave comments on all the fics you read when you enjoy them, js)

Anyway, say Happy Birthday to both of us. Also, sorry this is a few days late lol

1.8K Words

Plot: It’s your birthday, and you’re drowning in work. Thankfully, you have an amazing boyfriend to help you relax.

Tags: Eddie Munson x Reader, established relationship, fluff, overuse of the word slut (affectionate)

You loved your job, really. Most nights you wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. You got to spin and talk about almost anything that you wanted, play music you enjoyed, and even spend the occasional commercial break with your amazing boyfriend when he stayed late at the studio. 

But there were only so many hours in the day. Your nights from midnight to 6 am were spent on air. Your mornings were chores and errands while everything was still open, followed by sleeping until dusk where you’d wake up and would head to work so early to spend some time with Eddie at the recording studio, or at one of his gigs, or do any other number of things around the studio. 

It didn’t even occur to you that it was almost your birthday. You had been so wrapped up in your own work and helping Eddie and Corroded Coffin that it wasn’t until you saw Halloween decorations being put up around the studio that you realized that October was right around the corner, which meant that it was also almost your birthday. 

It was a bittersweet seeing the decorations. It felt like only a few weeks ago that you had decorated Family Video with decorations you paid for out of your own pocket. Shit, that meant it had been about a year since you and Steve had made the little deal that had led you to where you are today. 

You should drop by and see him soon. 

Even though you and Eddie had started living together months ago, it still felt rare that you got to see him outside of work. Corroded Coffin was doing better than anyone (except you) could have expected. That meant lots of rehearsals, gigs, talking to local publications for interviews, and being awake when you were asleep. You were really starting to miss him. 

It was the morning of your birthday, and you stepped out of the old theater-turned-studio into the cool October air. There was a golden shine on everything as the sun peeked over the horizon, and the air felt crisp and cool but not uncomfortably so. 

I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers. That quote floated through your mind as you got in your car. 

Even though it was your birthday, there were still things to be done. You grabbed your half of the rent, picked up some deodorant and toothpaste and the largest bottle of conditioner you could find for Eddie. You stood in the cereal aisle staring at the colorful boxes, allowing yourself the moment to pick out one that was appropriately themed for the month and that you and Eddie would both enjoy, and finally made it back home. 

Eddie wasn’t home when you got back to your apartment, it wasn’t unusual. You might have had set hours, but Eddie’s schedule was all over the place. Ever the life of an indie metal star. 

You put away your groceries and made your way to the closet where you kept all of the halloween decorations. You managed to pull out two boxes and open one before you hit the wall. These days of going non-stop were starting to catch up to you, and you found yourself just staring at the box as you sat on the couch for an undisclosed amount of time. 

Yeah, you needed sleep. 

It was damn near a miracle that your birthday lined up with your next few days off. You could sleep for a few hours, wake up, decorate and then figure out where the hell your boyfriend was. Most days you two would be at the studio together, but there were some days where Paige had him off doing something else with the band. 

You weren’t jealous that Paige was Eddie’s ex. You were jealous that she got to see him more than you did lately. You trusted him completely, but you really missed having a normal schedule with him. 

You found yourself crawling into his side of the bed and nuzzling into his pillow. Sometimes it was nice to have the bed to yourself, but there were mornings like this when you wished that he was here and you two could just talk nonsense until you fell asleep. 

Just a few hours of sleep and then you’d get back to work...

You felt something nudge you, and your eyes opened just slightly. There was something, no someone, in front of you. You hoped it was Eddie. It probably was. He said something. You mumbled something nonsensical in return and closed your eyes again. 

There was another nudge and this time you could only lift your hand slightly and let it flop down like a dead fish. 

It was quiet for a long while after that. You finally opened your eyes and saw... nothing. Shit, you slept longer than you meant to. If it was this dark then that meant that it was night time now and Eddie was probably already at the studio again doing who-knows-what.

You peeled yourself off the bed and sat there, trying to reorient yourself. You loved your job, but the sleep schedule had been hard to manage, especially as the days grew shorter and you saw the sun less during the day. 

After counting to three, you pushed yourself off the bed. You’d make yourself something to eat, and probably spend all night watching Halloween movies until Eddie came home. 

When you stepped out of the bedroom, you heard music. Your eyes adjusted to the lights that had been turned on and you were soon standing in the living room, stunned. 

Your Halloween decorations had been put up, well most of them. You could smell pizza, and there was a record playing- your favorite one. 

“Morning.” Eddie said as he stepped out of the kitchen and gave you a kiss on the cheek. 

“Eddie you- what are you doing here?” you asked, staring at him as if you couldn’t believe he was really standing in front of you. 

“It’s your birthday?” Eddie said, as if he were the one that was confused now. “I told Paige I’m taking the next few days off.” 

It was your birthday. You had barely remembered your own birthday, and so hadn’t expected Eddie to either. 

“Oh shit, what’s wrong?” Eddie asked in a panic, his eyes going wide. “Did I get the wrong date?”

You shook your head quickly, feeling something wet on your cheek. Oh, you might have been tearing up just slightly. Left Turn Studios had been running you so deep into the ground you hadn’t even realized how exhausted you were. 

“No! No, you didn’t. It’s my birthday.” you said, taking his hand. “I just... I had almost forgotten myself and didn’t expect...”

Eddie squeezed your hand. “I know we’ve been working a lot.” he said. “Paige said things will slow down after Halloween for a while and I’ll have more free time. I just.. I missed you. I know I’m still new to the whole ‘being a boyfriend’ thing, but I wasn’t about to leave you alone on your birthday.” 

You were sat on the couch now, and Eddie pointed at you dramatically. “Hear me now” he pointed at you. “For tonight, I am at your complete command. This humble bard will be your personal jester and do whatever you ask.” 

You broke out into a fit of giggles. “Could you do the dishes?” 

Eddie’s chest puffed up and he gave you a proud smile. “Already done.” 

“Shit, you’re good.” you sighed, starting to feel better already. 

There was a buzzing noise coming from the kitchen and Eddie quickly jumped in. A steaming hot pizza was placed on the coffee table in front of you. “I also have some cupcakes in the fridge.” He explained. “I couldn’t remember if you liked chocolate or vanilla more so I just got both-”

“Keep talking like this and I’m promoting you from jester to wife, Eddie.” you threatened, giving him a kiss before digging into the pizza. 

“Would that make me your queen?” he asked, sitting next to you with his own slice. 

“No, I’m still queen. I think there’s a bunch of weird rules about that and if we got married you’d be Queen consort or something.” 

“Doesn’t that just mean I’d be the Queen's slut?”

“You’re thinking concubine, probably.” 

“...Can I be that instead?” 

You nearly choked on your pizza with laughter, feeling lighter than you had in days. “Yeah, sure. I’ll promote you from bard to slut if you keep being nice to me. Wait, aren’t bards known for being that way anyway?”

Eddie looked at you in mock-offense. “You dare suggest that I, Eddie Munson, humble bard, would sleep my way to the top? That I could not wed you on charm and love alone and that I would sell my body?” 

“....Isn’t your current band manager your ex?”

His jaw dropped and twisted into a face that had you falling back on the couch, laughing with tears in your eyes. 

“That’s not- that.. No, that was- I’m- We’re-” he sputtered, unable to hold back his own laughter. “Shit, maybe I am a slut.” 

“As long as you’re only a slut for me, that’s fine.” You leaned over and kissed him, still feeling those butterflies in your stomach as he kissed you back, setting his own pizza aside. 

A while later, Eddie was cleaning you both up as you lay naked on the couch. You reached out to get some post-sex cuddling but he jumped up suddenly as if he remembered something. He cursed and ran into the kitchen. 

You sat up, amused as you saw his naked ass disappear and reappear moments later with the tray of cupcakes, a few sporting lit candles. 

“Eddie, my love, you are naked and handling fire.” you said, looking him up and down in amusement. 

“What would I not do to entertain?” he replied before launching into Happy Birthday. 

You took a deep breath and blew out the candles. 

“I meant to do this before sex, but...”

“We’re not exactly good at going in order.” you finished, grabbing a cupcake with heaps of pumpkin-orange frosting. 

It was well past midnight when half of the cupcakes were gone, and you and Eddie were laying on your cramped couch with him as the big spoon. You two would probably regret it in the morning, but right now there was nowhere else you’d rather be. 

The two of you watched as Pamala Voorhees revealed herself as the killer and you played with the rings on Eddie’s fingers. You could feel the rise and fall of his chest, and you knew that in a few minutes his arm that you were laying on would fall asleep. 

“Happy birthday.” Eddie mumbled, his grip tightening around you. “I love you.” 

You pulled his hand up and kissed his fingers softly. 

Last year, you and Steve had a deal to wingman for each other to help you both get dates. In the end, Steve only managed to help you get one date but that date led you to finding everything you could have ever wanted. 

“I love you too, Eddie.” 

Tag List @k8loo @terrormonster55 @sp1dyb0y1008 @crocwork-clockodile @ali-r3n

@mxcheese @josephquinnschesthair @gagasbee @peaches-roses-sins @witchwolflea

@vintagehellfire @royale1803 @cumslutforaemond @prestinalove @browneyedgirly93

@perpetualmessmachine @thebook-hobbit @cultish-corner @grishaversecaptivated @sortagaysortahigh

@siriuslysmoking @huffledor-able541 @pookiesnatcher @eddiesguitarskills @browneyes-8288

@sheneedsrocknroll92 @kores-mun-son-n-more @eddiebuttcheeks @kirsteng42 @dreamerjj

@moonisu @em022O @cosmorant @kurdtbean @wheels-of-despair

[nothoughtsjustfic]

Sweet Lullaby - B.SK

🎤 Who: Boo Seungkwan (Seventeen) x reader 🎤 What: Fluff. Fantasy au. Supernatural au. Established relationship. Siren Seungkwan. 🎤 Word count: 3.1k 🎤 Warnings: Some profanity but I think that’s all. 🎤 Summary: “ If there’s one thing you know about Boo Seungkwan, it’s that he loves to sing.

If there’s another thing that you know about Boo Seungkwan, it’s that he’s not allowed to sing.

And if there’s one thing you know about yourself, it’s that you’d move the Earth itself to make Boo Seungkwan happy.”

Masterlist

A/N- thank you @lovetaroandtaemin for the idea to write siren Seungkwan at karaoke! It’s a lot different than I initially intended or imagined (and longer) but I still loved writing it!

If there’s one thing you know about Boo Seungkwan, it’s that he loves to sing.

If there’s another thing that you know about Boo Seungkwan, it’s that he’s not allowed to sing.

It breaks your heart every time you watch Seungkwan tag along to karaoke nights only to sit at the side lines nursing the same drink all night to remain in control, while his sad eyes stare longingly at the microphones passed between friends. You’ve asked him before why he even attends when he knows it’ll make him sad, and he always just says he’d rather be there and sad than miss out on spending time with his friends.

If there’s a third thing you know about Boo Seungkwan, it’s that he has the biggest heart of anyone you have ever met. You would know more than anyone; he opened it to you years ago and has allowed to live comfortably within his heart ever since.

Which really does mean that you know better than anyone how much it hurts Seungkwan to not be able to sing anywhere except in his private soundproofed office in your shared apartment that he doesn’t even let you in while he’s inside in fear of accidentally hurting you.

Sometimes, it’s really tough being in love with a siren who always puts others first. But you’d never change a thing about your Boo Seungkwan.

In fact, you embrace everything about the man as best as you can, even if it means months of saving and research to afford to take you both on a surprise trip across the country to a very specific and well-hidden secret. It had taken a lot of digging and greasing the right palms to get the information you need.

But the way Seungkwan lights up as soon as you two step into the unassuming building and he sees the sign above the reception desk makes it all worth it.

“A karaoke bar for sirens?!” He shrieks, turning to look at you with nothing but pure joy in his eyes and stretching his beautiful smile wide. “How’d you find this place?!”

“A lot of late nights digging and making calls,” you answer honestly.

“This is why you’ve been so tired lately?” His expression lowers: he looks a little concerned and guilty but mostly so, so touched that you sacrificed your precious rest for his sake. “Baby,” he breathes out and steps closer to tenderly take your face into his hands and lock his adoring gaze with yours. “I love you, so much.”

“Mm, I know,” you reply cheekily, earning a soft huff of a chuckle. “How about you serenade me for the first time, hm?”

Seungkwan’s smile slowly slips away and his hands slide down until he’s holding your hands. “You know I can’t do that. I’d love to sing for you, but it’s too dangerous. I really could warp your mind if I’m not careful baby, and I’ve never had the chance to sing around non-sirens, so I don’t know how to be careful. You’re the last person I’d ever want to risk. How am I supposed to marry you one day if I turn your brain to mush, huh?” He jokes, nudging you a little to try and lift the mood back up.

“Just make me look pretty and wheel me down the aisle in a wheelbarrow.”

“You’re always pretty. But I’m not marrying you in a wheelbarrow.”

“Fine. A throne on wheels.”

Seungkwan laughs. “How did you go from one extreme to the other? From wheelbarrow to throne.” He chuckles then leans forward to press a soft kiss to your lips. “Is this really okay, for me to sing here?”

“Mm, it’s soundproofed to hell and back; nobody outside of the room will hear you so long as the door is closed.”

“Ah,” he smiles a little then looks over to the staff at the reception desk then back at you, glad the staff isn’t paying you two any attention even if you’re the only ones in the lobby. “I really appreciate this baby, a lot, seriously. But…well, I can sing on my own at home, at least I won’t be abandoning you there like I will here. Let’s just go find something else to do, okay?”

“No way,” you scoff and grab his hand to drag him over to the reception desk.

The staff looks up with a welcoming smile. “I was wondering when you’d arrive!” He beams at you, making Seungkwan look between you utterly lost. “Hi, Seungkwan, I’m Junhui, one of the owners of Sweet Lullaby!”

“I still can’t get over you calling your siren focused karaoke bar Sweet Lullaby,” you comment.

“It’s funny,” Junhui retorts. “You just have no sense of humour,” when he tacks your name on the end as if you’re old friends, Seungkwan’s confusion grows to utter bewilderment.

“Hold on, why are you two so comfortable?” He asks, pointing between you and Junhui with one hand, the other still clasped in yours with your fingers naturally laced together.

“We’re besties,” you and Junhui reply in sync, thoroughly visibly freaking out your boyfriend which makes yourself and Junhui crack up laughing.

“We’ve talked a lot the past couple weeks to set this up,” you explain with an amused grin. “And he has no filter, so we quickly got to know each other and became friends.”

“The others are very excited to have new friends to sing with!” Junhui chirps, then looks over as the side door to the rest of the building opens. “Channie, look, it’s Seungkwan!”

“Oh!” The newcomer grins and bounds over to greet you by name with a hug that Seungkwan baulks at, making you snicker. “And our newest siren!” Chan turns to beam at Seungkwan. “I’m Chan, the others are all waiting for you, come on!”

“Wait!” Seungkwan exclaims just as Chan swipes his staff ID badge at the scanner to unlock the door again. He turns to look at Seungkwan with a little pout. “What the fuck is going on exactly?”

“We’re going to go sing with the others,” Chan informs, pointing over his shoulder down the corridor behind him.

“I’m not singing with you!” Seungkwan sputters, motioning to Chan. “You’re not a siren!”

“Yeah, and?” Chan looks so confused. “It’s perfectly safe, we do it all the time, right, Jun?”

“Yep!” Junhui confirms from behind the desk where he’s clicking around on his computer to remotely lock the front door knowing that there are no customers coming in for a while.

“Kwan,” you start softly while gently turning Seungkwan to look at you. The poor guy looks almost painfully lost. “This is a very unique karaoke bar, not just because it caters to sirens but because it has developed a system to allow sirens to sing with non-sirens too.”

“Wh-what? How?”

“One of the other owners is some kind of genius and his best friend is a siren who has the most incredible voice, seriously,” Chan enthuses with honest eyes. “And the owner, Mingyu, had the same issue your partner does in that someone so precious to him couldn’t do the thing he loves most. So Mingyu developed a material that somehow like blocks the lure in a siren’s song, which means now so long as he’s wearing ear plugs, Seokmin can sing around him and cause no issue.”

“Fuck off,” Seungkwan scoffs. “That’s impossible. I would’ve heard of that by now; that’d be huge.”

“He’s only recently got the right balance of ingredients. It’s taken him years to get to this point and it’s been kept secret, so nobody tries to steal his work or pressure him. Someone could make a fortune if they got their hands on the formula, so we’ve kept it very secret.”

“Then why are you telling us, complete strangers about it?” Seungkwan motions between you and him puzzled.

“You’re not strangers, you’re part of our group!” Chan replies with a grin. “Come on, come meet the others and you can see the earplugs in action for the first time! It’s incredible, seriously.”

Chan blabbers away excitedly as you urge Seungkwan to follow him with yourself right behind and Junhui skipping along behind you a little, after double checking the front doors are securely locked.

The room Chan enters is bigger than any karaoke room you’ve been in before, but you expected it, having been given a video tour by Junhui already. Seungkwan, however, gawps at the size of the room and the glass walled booth to one side big enough to fit a large sofa and table within, plus more space to move comfortably around. There’s already a man lounging across the sofa looking to be asleep and another tall one standing by the computer in the corner facing the main room. He smiles and waves at you, which you return, easily recognising the genius owner of Sweet Lullaby.

“What’s that for?” Seungkwan asks, pointing to the room.

“That is where us non-sirens go while all the settings are calibrated, and the earplugs tested against your voice. Really it should be fine because Seokmin’s loudmouth is fine and nobody has reached his level yet so unless you’re like a super siren or something, it’ll be fine, and we can come back in and all sing together and have a great time!” Chan and Junhui cheer a little before Chan grabs your hand and leads you to the room.

Inside the glass booth, you can’t hear anything from the main room, but you don’t need to hear your boyfriend’s voice to know he’s rambling worriedly to Junhui and the other sirens in the room.

“It’s good to finally meet you in person,” Mingyu greets as you stand curiously at his side to watch him click and tap away on the keyboard and mouse.

There’s a grunt behind you at the sofa and you look over to see that Chan has seated on the no longer sleeping man’s stomach. You don’t know who he is, but you don’t mind his presence at all.

“You too,” you reply to Mingyu a beat too late due to your distraction, but he doesn’t mind and just smiles.

He picks up a little microphone from beside the computer to talk into and tell Seungcheol to put the ear plugs in.

You’ve never talked to Seungcheol before, but you know he’s a werewolf and the one they always make test the ear plugs as he has the fastest recovery rate due to his supernatural healing abilities. Even if he’s also naturally the strongest so it’s a risk from him to potentially get his mind warped; if he loses control and lashes out it’d take all of the sirens present to subdue him.

It shows a lot of faith in both Mingyu’s intelligence and skill and Seungcheol’s self-control to do this without extra measures in place.

You watch as Seungcheol puts the little, pale green plugs into his ears securely and sit on the stool that Wonwoo, the business brain behind Sweet Lullaby, places down in the centre of the room. When Wonwoo gives a thumbs up to Mingyu, Mingyu clicks around a few more times, then announces through the mic that it’s ready.

When Seokmin opens his mouth, one hand on Seungkwan’s shoulder, you can’t hear the voice that escapes his mouth, but the awe on your boyfriend’s face is more than enough to tell you that Chan hadn’t been exaggerating the siren’s awe-inspiring voice. Seungkwan repeatedly looks at Seungcheol, who is smiling a little at Seokmin and bobbing to the music you can’t hear, but he doesn’t seem at all lured in any way.

When it seems to really hit Seungkwan that this is real and has opened a whole new door from him, he looks at you with eyes a little misty with overwhelm. He taps his ear and points to you to ask if you can hear. You shake your head slightly and give him an encouraging smile.

A few seconds later of silently holding eye contact with you, Seungkwan’s mouth opens, and he starts to sing alone with Seokmin, barely opening his mouth at first and still very cautious, yet when Seokmin excitedly starts to shake him and the other sirens cheer him on, Seungkwan beams and stops holding back.

“Wow,” Mingyu mutters as he stares at the screen.

A moment later, Chan and the unnamed man are both on Mingyu’s right and peering at the screen. “What is it?” The man asks.

“You should know, you helped develop the system, Vernon,” Chan scoffs, nudging the man, who nudges him in return.

“Seungkwan’s voice is almost on par with Seokmin’s,” Mingyu informs.

“Really?” Chan gasps, looking through the window at the happily singing pair awed. “I can’t wait to hear it!”

“Is it safe?” Vernon double checks.

“Yeah, I improved the formula again when Seokmin learned to hit those high notes a few weeks back. Even if they both sing more powerfully, it will be fine, so long as the other sirens aren’t using their full power too,” Mingyu assures and hands you a pair of earplugs that Chan helps you put securely into your ears.

You’re very surprised by how clearly you can hear Mingyu and Vernon talking about the levels in terms you don’t understand but you don’t care. All you know is that it works. That’s all that matters to you.

A minute later, the four of you leave the booth and enter the main room where nobody is singing anymore but the sirens and Seungcheol are praising Seungkwan endlessly for his voice.

“Don’t rub it in that you’ve heard my boyfriend sing before me,” you complain, latching onto Seungkwan poutily. He turns his cheek achingly big and bright smile on you and wraps his arms around you to squeeze a little in a way that portrays his utter joy at finally being able to sing with others for the first time since moving away from his family home years ago.

“What’s your favourite song?” Chan asks you as he plucks the tablet from Wonwoo’s hands to scroll through the options. You answer and Chan makes a pleased sound as he finds it out, already knowing that it’s one they have in the system.

“Oh, Kwannie will sound so good singing that!” Seokmin enthuses. You raise an amused eyebrow at how quickly he’s taken to your boyfriend to call him such a nickname already.

But you truly can’t blame him, Seungkwan really could win the heart of even the coldest person over, so a sweetheart like Seokmin was bound to adore him. You’ve known for weeks that the pair will be incredible friends and feel smugly pleased to be proven right so quickly.

Moments later, the song starts and Seungkwan looks at you nervously. “You’re wearing the ear plugs, right?” He asks, even lifting his hands to gently touch the inside of your ears to feel the spongey material blocking the power of a siren’s song reaching your brain. “They work on non werewolves too?” He glances around nervously.

“I promise that no harm will come to any of us if you sing,” Mingyu assures, giving your boyfriend a gentle, honest smile.

“And I-I can really sing now?” Seungkwan asks, barely waiting for Mingyu to nod in confirmation before he looks back at you and cups your cheeks, fingers hovering by your ears as if ready to plug them himself. “Can I really sing for you, my love?”

“Please,” you encourage, holding onto his waist and trying to urge him with your eyes.

“What if it doesn’t work for you for some reason?”

“Minghao has my wedding dress design, he knows what I want, just make my throne match,” you reply, motioning vaguely around, making Seungkwan look around bewilderedly. “Oh, he’s not here, he’s in America.”

“Who is Minghao?”

“My best friend!” Junhui beams proudly. “He’s a costume designer for many famous TV shows. He’s working on the same show our Joshua is on! It’s about-”

“Okay, you can tell him all about it later, Junnie,” Seungcheol says with a soft chuckle and pats Junhui’s arm. “Let’s just let him sing for his partner for the first time, okay?”

“Right, right,” Junhui agrees and backs up yet watches with wide eyes of anticipation.

“You better sing this time, Seungkwan!” Chan warns, earning an almost glare from your boyfriend that makes you giggle so he looks back at you adoringly as the song restarts.

Seungkwan doesn’t start singing with the vocals, but Seokmin does over at the main room seating, singing around his chewing. You glance over and raise your eyebrows a little, impressed by his voice, yet you’re not affected by the lure in it and look back at Seungkwan.

Seeing your eyes as clear as ever, Seungkwan relaxes enough to finally open his mouth and for the first time in all the years you’ve known him, you hear him sing.

At first, his voice is soft, barely audible over the music and the others’ singing, yet he grows more confident and less afraid the longer you hold eye contact with him. He falters when your expression turns, and your eyes get a little misty when you finally hear his voice properly.

You understand now why the others had fawned over him so much. Seungkwan’s voice truly is indescribable. It’s the single most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard in your life and you’re already planning to steal the earplugs to take home so that you can sit in Seungkwan’s office every day and listen to him sing song after song for your ears only.

“Baby?” Seungkwan worries when he notices that you’re truly tearing up.

“Don’t stop, your voice is so beautiful Kwan, I’m so happy I can finally hear it,” you whisper, gripping onto his waist securely as if telling him that you’re here and aren’t going anywhere.

Seungkwan adjusts his hold on your face to kiss you, uncaring for the others in the room or their jeering and catcalls at the display of affection mid song. “I’m going to sing for you at every chance I get.”

“You better do.”

Seungkwan nods quickly in agreement with a little, happy laugh before he wraps his arms around your waist to sway you both as he serenades you with love song after love song while neither of you pay any attention to what’s going on around you.

All you care about is this; you and your Seungkwan in your blissful little love filled bubble together.

If there’s one thing you know about Boo Seungkwan, it’s that he should always be allowed to sing.

Don’t forget to reblog if you liked to help spread the story and let others read it too! And don't be shy to leave comments or send an ask so I can see your thoughts 🥺 💖

Permanent taglist: @okiedokrie, @tusswrites, @svtiddiess

[whatonearthisgoingon]

Part 2. of Aaro's Hear Me Out List!!!

Some of my moots (@/werewolfadmirerer) were concerned about a Hear Me Out I did recently, and did not expect that level of freak from me. Well moot, I am a freak, and you're gonna see how bad it is! We are strictly doing the non-human characters for the first two parts of this list; if I feel like it, I'll keep going from there!

This is not ranked, this is just as I think of them. No real order.

Sadly only 30 pictures are allowed per post, so I'm going to continue this list for a while; will link all the other parts on each part. Each part will have 15 characters, as I'm giving each character 2 pics.

I was also informed I must tag the moots. You will be tagged underneath all this.

TW: Sex talk, obviously, it's a hear me out list.

(Please remember viewers, I am a teenager, meaning other teenagers on the list isn't creepy af.)

Part 1. Part 2.

#16. Bill Cipher.

I mean, he's literally my pfp, are we surprised. Both him and his monster form make this list! Dangerous god? Sign me tf up. 

#17. Chewbacca from Star Wars.

He's a sweetheart, and I love him, and I'm down. It might be a little furry and messy, but it's fine.

#18. Iscream from Chikn Nuggit

Specifically when they’re being an evil demonic psychopath. The normal bunny is just there for ref. They just a fun demon that could kill me, which means I’m down u-u

#19. Izsha from Starcraft 2 

She is just amazing and super cool. I loved her moments in the game. Like look at her design!!! She’s awesome. Am so down- 

#20 Vorazun from Starcraft 2

Baddie. She’s just super cool and I love her; her design is amazing. Like, so down. She’s serving. 

#21 Valentino from Hazbin Hotel. 

Okay, yes, he’s vile and gross, and a pervert- I know! That’s why he needs to be fucked into submission and be absolutely humiliated infront of all of hell, and be brought down permanently 500 pegs, which is something I would absolutely enjoy doing. Besides, he’s already got all the kink shit at his house, it’d just be used on him for once; I wouldn’t have to spend a dime. Good situation for everyone involved, except Valentino. Plus, he kinda serves sometimes. 

#22. The Crooked Man from Conjuring 2 

Ima be real, I haven’t seen the movie. I saw him in one edit, and fell in love just off vibes alone. This might be a guess, but I think he’d have a biting kink with those teeth. Would be down. 

#23. Krampus from Krampus (2015)

Loved that movie; love him just for the vibes honestly. He was so creepy and cool, down to hit. 

#24. Norman from Scary Sushi

He’s just such a vibe, and I love him. Creepy little goober. Those teeth would be great.

#25. Davy Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean

The immortal sea creature is fine, okay? Shut up.

#26. Rattlesnake Jake

Maybe it’s the American in me, but machine gun snake? I loved it, and would so hit. 

#27. The Blood Rain scene in NOPE (2022)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lA8c-zTiPmE 

I love this movie, and the Jean Jackets are so cool. While I could hear those out, it’s the scene that’s really it. 

#28. Lumiere from Beauty and the Beast. 

Now, this stems from two things. One, his accent and demeanor and just overall in the movie; amazing. The second thing? When I was in Beauty and the Beast, playing Cogsworth, my boyfriend at the time was playing Lumiere, and that might influence this slightly. But overall, he’s just a vibe, y’know? 

#29. The Minotaur from Gravity Falls. 

He was a fucking sweetheart!! I loved that episode; he was amazing. I want to cuddle him, and eat meals with him, and get brutally railed later. Just look at him!? 

#30. Seraphims and Ophanim from the Bible

They are neat. I like it. I will not explain. 

@acelovesremuslupin @adanmwere @alizardsusername @astrawantssleep @bikisser23 @birdiefromafar @blitzstoneshouldbecanon @bluebasie @cool-lesbian-is-here @cuculoooo @destroy-the-binary @getsuuna @gigiyuu @gimmiecandy @harrietthespywastaken @hey-look-at-the-stars @ineffablelyqueerwolfstarshipper @lllaced @lookitsabooknook @love-hate-love00 @luna---lovegood @mentallyillwacko @mikeywaysbass @mochamoony @moonchild311 @moonsrunes @moonyscribe @mrecury42 @mxlovey32 @my-castles-crumbling @not-a-gay-fangodess @olympushaze @permetutotheworld @reaperlight @reggblkk @serpentine-starlight @siriuslyobsessed394 @siriuslysirius101 @sk1llz-heeler @starman-01 @studying-n-running @symbiotic-slime @tired-writer-in-progress @tistheraven @theduchessr @the-stars-in-between @thepicklekingog @unnecessaryheadache @urpants @welcometoh0rr0rwood @werewolfadmirer @whos-fin-anyway @xxlady-lunaxx @yes-ofc-i-bite

[anbaisai]

About the Blog

Commissions: [OPEN]

Hey there! ✨

You can call me Syder (pronounced like “cider”). This is my art blog where I post my art for quite literally anything - OCs, fanart, doodles, etc. It may seem centered around certain fandoms if I’m into that at the moment, but really it’s just a miscellaneous art blog.

My main blog is over at @part-sadist, so if you see a follow or interaction from that account, that’s me. I can’t follow via this side blog and unfortunately tumblr doesn’t seem to allow me to swap this one to my main 💦

I am an adult, and while this blog is not 18+, I may sometimes talk about or draw content with more mature themes. Please do not follow if that bothers you. If you need to block or unfollow me, please feel free to do so, I will never take it personally.

Other stuff

Pronouns: both she/her and they/them are fine

EN/中文/日本語 OK

Asks are welcome! Mentions are okay, but please only send DMs for business inquiries (i.e. commissions) unless we're mutuals

DO NOT repost my art or use it for AI learning

Current main fandom is Twisted Wonderland, but a few other things I like include: FFXIV, Splatoon, Chainsaw Man, Dandadan, Ace Attorney, otome games, Vocaloid, etc.

Please also note that this blog is not spoiler-free ⚠ I do tag spoilers but sometimes I may forget to, so proceed with caution!

Tags guide, masterlists, & FAQ under the cut!

Tags Guide

(Note that some of these tags will include work by other people)

#my art - All artwork, click this one if you want to see just my art

#oc - Art featuring my own OCs

#others ocs - Art featuring other people's OCs

#twst or #twisted wonderland - All Twisted Wonderland related art

#shiokawa mayu - My Twisted Wonderland OC/Yuusona

#jamimayu - Jamil x Yuu content

#syder txt - Miscellaneous text posts

#gifts from others - Artwork, writing, etc. I received from other people

Masterlists

Twisted Wonderland

Shiokawa Mayu 🍙 (My Yuusona/OC)

Jamil x Mayu 🐍🍙

Art of Others' OCs

[To be continuously updated...]

FAQ

Do you take commissions?

Commissions are currently OPEN, please see this post for more information!

Can you draw [insert idea/prompt here]?

I do take suggestions, but please understand that I can’t guarantee that I’ll get to it.

Can I draw your OC?

Alone or with canon characters (if they’re part of pre-existing media), yes. If it’s with your own OC or a character I don’t know, please ask me first.

Can you draw my OC?

Only if I’m hosting an OC interaction or request event, otherwise I prefer to focus on my own projects & ideas first, sorry!

Can I use your art for a profile picture/banner/etc.?

If it's fanart, yes, as long as you credit me properly - this means visible credit, and not claiming it as your own. However, please refrain from making any edits or modifications to the artwork, such as adding filters. Please also do not use my art for roleplaying purposes.

Additionally, please do not use my OCs, as they are very personal to me 💦 All commissions are also intended for the commissioner's use only.

What do you use to draw?

Clip Studio Paint (PC) + Wacom Intuos Pro PTH-660 tablet. I can’t tell you what brushes I use because I downloaded tons and just pick one randomly based on whatever I feel like using that day, but if you ask me specifically about a piece I may be able to recall which one I used 😭

Can we be mutuals?

I’m rather selective with who I follow back, and likely won’t follow you if I don’t recognize/know you. I would also prefer if you don’t ask me this question and put me on the spot, it makes me uncomfortable 💦

[saturdaynightspecialpresentation]

Let's Watch Libertarian Propaganda for Children for Some Reason

Hey everybody, look, it’s the Tuttle Twins!

Yeah, there they are. Zooping around on their time machine.

The Tuttle Twins is a streaming show from Angel Studios, the independent studio behind Sound of Freedom and various Christian and Christian-Adjacent movies. They’ve got some movie about Jesus out right now.

No, you can’t- The Buddy Christ thing isn’t- You don’t- 

Anyway, although I first heard about this cartoon from a youtube channel called “Fundie Fridays” The Tuttle Twins isn’t a Christian propaganda cartoon, it’s a Libertarian propaganda cartoon.

One that teaches kids how to buy Bitcoin!

After watching just the episode about Bitcoin, I wanted to watch and talk about some more episodes. And I sketched out a bit of an intro explaining what Libertarianism is in the minds of the people who created this show, but then I had a second thought.

“Am I just describing a straw-man libertarianism? Am I just paraphrasing these ideas in a way that I find easy to refute? Have I become the very Tuttle Twins I was trying to defeat?"

And then I watched the very first episode and their description of what they believe is pretty much word for word how I was going to explain it.

And hey, they put that episode up on youtube, we can watch it together!

(You can also watch season 1 and 2 and most of 3 for free on their slightly wonky app or web site, but there are a few full episodes on youtube as well)

Or you could skip it and read my amazing summary below!

Anyway, after a brief cold open that sees the twins hurtling through dimensions, and a pretty cute gag we cut to our entrepreneurial twins selling lemonade. The science-minded Emily is using it fund a trip to science camp, and Ethan is using it to fund his purchase of an enormous gummy bear. 

Until, that is, they are confronted by Karinne.

Likes: Fiat Currency, Communism, sweater vests. Dislikes: Freedom

I gotta be honest, I don’t totally get Karinne, she’s kind of a foil or frenemy for the main characters, and she comes off kind of preppy coded, sort of the snobbish rich kid used to getting what she wants, but y’all are libertarians, you shouldn’t be shaming her for the fact that her parents are Randian producers. 

Honestly I am eternally fascinated by kids show characters whose job is to be constantly wrong, but after watching a few episodes I don’t really have a clear read on her. Sometimes she tags along on an adventure and acts as an ideological foil for the kids, but so far I've seen her argue for fiat currency, religious intolerance, the NSA, and using the power of the president for self-enrichment. So... Uh... Not the raging communist I was lead to expect, put it that way.

Also there is a running joke for the first season where people keep pronouncing her name “Karen” and I don’t know if the joke is she’s supposed to be kind of a Karen in the slang sense? But honestly when I picture the kind of mother who would show this show to her kids… People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones, that’s all I’m saying.

Anyway, it turns out Karinne is the president of the “Cul-de-sac Kids Club” and last night she held a meeting to amend the laws of the kids club to allow the president to have as much lemonade as she wants, so she has some lackeys just cart away all of the lemonade, leaving our heroes without a way to earn money in the glorious American free market economy, what with the means of production having been confiscated and all.

The good news, though, is that Grandma is moving in! Along with her pet, and very specifically not tame raccoon Derek, who was banned from her previous dwelling by the HOA because, quote, “HOAs are full of communists”. Someone should put that on a shirt and sell plush toys of that raccoon.

I do enjoy the fact that her first impulse on hearing that Karinne is going to confiscate the lemonade is to slingshot a bar of soap at her head:

Don’t worry, she doesn’t actually assault a child.

Anyway, that night as the twins are lamenting the loss of they hear the noise of an acetylene welding torch coming from their grandmother’s room.

It turns out she made her mobility scooter into a gadget-laden time machine, so our show has a premise now. Huzzah!

After a series of actually pretty good gags, the kids end up in France, 1848 to meet with Frédéric Bastiat, who I was not previously aware of but who appears to be one of the founding figures of modern libertarian ideology.

Apparently American politics these days are all your fault you french son of a gun. Also wow they drew your hand wrong in this frame.

And he describes what I was going to describe about the libertarian moral foundations of this show.

“My book is about the idea that laws should protect our God-given rights or ‘Natural rights’. Having rights means there are some things you can do, and nobody is allowed to stop you!”

Specifically, rights to life, to liberty (Meaning the right to do what we want so long as it doesn’t take away another person’s rights) and to own property.

And to be clear, and this is explained later in the episode, these are very negative rights. The role of the government is not to ensure that you have any specific amount of property, liberty or life. Rather, you have to gather as much as you are able by your own lights, and the government’s sole role is to prevent other people from taking whatever property you have or abrogating your liberties or killing you.

Does that mean that taxation for the public good is the same as theft?

You betcha, which is what we learn in the next part of the show. A part which is largely so boring that I can't be bothered to screencap it.

The time machine runs out of “Knowledge Juice” and strands them in an Old West Town. Knowledge Juice is the fuel for the time machine, it’s a green goo that goes down when they travel through time, and up when they explain that they’ve learned something. And it’s a plot device that I think they eventually get rid of just because it gets kind of redundant.

Actually I’ll just sort of go over the formula of the show. 

The kids have some more or less relatable real world problem;

Grandma takes them back in time to meet a historical figure who tells them about some libertarian principle;

On the way back the time machine runs out of knowledge juice in some fantastical situation;

The kids solve the situation using their new libertarian knowledge;

They refill the knowledge juice reserves by explaining what they learned;

They then go back home and use what they learned to solve their ordinary kid problem.

Just from a story structure perspective the part where they refill the knowledge juice is extremely redundant; It would be more elegant to just have them explain the lesson to the other kids when they solve their problem at the end of the episode. I think eventually they figured that out.

Arguably, if you really wanted to condense things you’d have the kids go on a historical adventure with the historical figure, then come back to the present and explain what they learned and apply it to their current situation, but the reason they have sections 3 and 4 is because those are usually where the crazy cartoon stuff comes in, they end up in some alternate fantasy dimension or shrunk down and fighting a worm war, or something fun like that.

Except for this pilot episode, where parts 3-5 just take place in a generic old west town. Not really starting with a bang honestly.

Basically, the Sheriff fights off two cattle rustling bandits, who then return in the guise of tax men, taking cows away from an innocent rancher to use for business subsidies and charity, which isn’t fair because the law is supposed to protect her property, and anyway the rancher gives cows to charity sometimes already.

Since taxation is theft, the kids lobby to get the laws changed, and after an amusing title card that says,

The whole town has voted to repeal the taxes and they capture the rustlers, huzzah!

Anyway, the Tuttle Twins go back home, and call an emergency meeting of the Cul-de-sac kids club to hold a vote to repeal the law that allows the President to have as much lemonade as she wants. Of course, the vote goes their way…

Which is when Karinne reveals her trump card, which is that the club by-laws allow the President a unilateral veto over any proposed amendments to the club rules.

Furthermore, she points out that the Kids Club is not a government organization, but a private one which is simply a contractual relationship that the twins entered freely. And since the government’s job is to enforce contracts and protect private property, the twins will be arrested if they try to violate the contract by taking any of Karinne’s honestly earned lemonade.

Yeah kids, that’s right. Have grandma teleport you back to talk to Murray Rothbard, he’ll explain it to you.

Okay okay I made all that up. I'll stop arguing politics with a children's cartoon.

They successfully overturn the rule but give everybody in the club a glass of lemonade on the house anyway to show there’s no hard feelings.

So, this episode is not that out there. Something I can’t get across in summary is that there are a lot of classic cartoon gags, and a lot of them land. I’ve watched a few episodes of this show now and smiled at a lot of gags and laughed out loud once or twice. As much as I don’t agree with a lot of the ideology behind it it’s not something that was tossed out there.

The animation quality of any given shot varies quite a lot, but there is some attention to the animation, visual gags and comedy timing as well as some funny writing. This isn’t a half-assed scam or complete amateur nonsense, this is clearly made by people who are trying to make something genuinely good outside of its propaganda purpose.

That said, I obviously have some issues with the show.

Honestly going in I thought my biggest problem with this show would be ideological disagreement. And don’t get me wrong, there’s some stuff in this show that I strongly disagree with, but there are quite a few episodes with perfectly fine messages. There’s an episode where they get into a prank war at science camp and eventually it starts wrecking the science projects so Ghandi teaches them about de-escalation. Rosa Parks talks about civil disobedience and how sometimes you should disobey unjust laws, but you should always be aware of the consequences beforehand and think carefully about how and when you should do it. There’s an episode where they talk about respecting different religious traditions and how the government shouldn’t mandate or prevent any religion.

I agree with all of that, even if some of that is something that kids won’t really get to put into practice much.

My big problem is that even though there are gags in the historical parts, this show suffers a problem that a lot of educational shows do, which is that it feels like it stops dead to lecture you about something and you have to just sit through that until the fun bits start up again. The historical figures tend to be heavily simplified in a way that some people might object to, but I think the bigger issue is that this simplification makes their stories less compelling.

You’re not so much living through a recreation of the exciting things the historical figures did so much as listening to them talk about what they did. It’s a real “tell, don’t show” approach that makes about a third of every episode really kind of dull unless it’s one of the episodes where what they’re telling you is batshit crazy.

So if you’re going to watch it for camp value, I really don’t recommend starting with the first episode or trying to watch it in order, I’d just scan the episode summaries and watch one that sounds crazy to you. There are at least two that try to sell Bitcoin to children. There’s a few genuinely bananas episodes and ideas to gawk at if you’re into that kind of thing like I am, but there’s a lot of fairly bland episodes.

And talking about how viewers will view the show…

I have had to accept in my heart that I have no idea who this show is made for.

It has a lot of parallels to American Christian pop culture programs, but like, okay, so right-wing American Christians have built this entire parallel media ecosystem because they’re paranoid that Hollywood secularists are going to corrupt their kids with secularism and paganism. I knew a guy once who said when he was a kid his parents made him stop watching Tiny Tunes because they saw one of the characters meditating, but that’s okay, he could still watch McGee and Me.

Now, I don’t agree with that kind of strict parental thought control, it is at least internally consistent. A lot of parts of the Bible are about devout Godly people being corrupted by worldly concerns or religious apostasy, going at least back to the worship of the Golden Calf in Exodus. And the right wing Christians who are worried about media corruption think any deviation from their theology is a threat to a person’s immortal soul.

So the impulse to shield your child from any media that even slightly questions or contradicts your own views isn’t good, but at least it’s theologically consistent and in keeping with the Bible.

Meanwhile, if you find yourself saying, “As a staunch libertarian and tireless advocate for personal freedom, I believe in strictly controlling what my children are allowed to watch or think.” Like…

You know come on and think for a second about what you’ve just said.

The kind of paranoia about controlling your children’s worldview that would make someone want to watch this really doesn’t seem to me to be in keeping with, well, uh, the actual values espoused in the show.

So I kind of don’t know how to feel about it. Personally, I would never expose a child to this on purpose unless they were old enough to ask some very critical questions about what they were hearing.

On the other hand, when I imagine the kind of person who is going to show this to their kids… I kind of almost wonder if most of the other stuff those kids are seeing is a lot worse. I can kind of imagine a very earnest child taking this stuff seriously enough to start questioning some controlling parent or religious authority.

So I really just don’t know. If anybody has any insight into the culture of the people who watch this kind of thing, I’d be really curious.

[akkivee]

hello vee.

@/twogallonhats on twitter made this iceberg, and now i am subjecting you to this. Explain to the best of your knowledge, good luck.

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh okay sure

idk why rhyme anima is listed tbh it’s just a zany anime version of hypmic but that very well may be the reason lol like it gave us a man by the name of tom whisper weathercock lol

there’s always a prolific push for your fav to win the drb lol. iirc during the championship round in the 1st drb there was a fan?? fans??? who gave money to some guy with a following to post a video of him asking everyone to vote for mtc lol. jp fans for the second got together and made eng/kor/ch instructions on how to vote in the vr battles it’s a time can’t wait for that to kick off next year 😬

arb is technically not canon and therefore ooc lol

idk what hypmic tictok sounds mean. i can tell you of a few times hypmic was trending on tiktok tho lol

idk if they were even a soundcloud rapper, but some soundcloud rapper fell in love with hypmic and decided to make ichiro his oc/persona and put himself on a team with jyushi and samatoki and they were california division lol

back in 2018???? hypmic posted a christmas video except it was just champagne gold and base hifumi.png in a santa hat slid across the screen truly graphic design is hypmic’s passion lol

i mean there was a brief time there were rp accounts on twt so ig that’s what it

kimura loves black people so much and wants to be black so bad he felt the need to bl@ckface for one of his album drops. fandom asked he take down the posts, he didn’t, fans called him out on it, he blocked them

around the time when there was rumblings that gbr was exiting uhhhhh the eu i think, a dice cosplayer had a video of themselves popping mentos in a coke bottle go viral. someone in british politics used it as a metaphor for whatever stance they had on brexit lol

lol i’m lumping hypstage and hypnama together since i don’t think there’s a real reason they’re listed other than occasionally being points of discussion

hifumi was the original tbh creature

asmr tubers vibe with hypmic characters being their yandere bfs

idk if it’s more than memeing on hitoya but that hitoya card in the pic was clowned on so hard LOL

i couldn’t tell you a specific instance of it but hypmic jank includes frequent misspellings lol

lol i also don’t know if there’s actual controversy behind oridivis besides them getting thanos snapped

*rio voice* curry friday and the mtc seiyuu used to celebrate it lol

there was a collab with some instant curry company (probably called curry meshi lol) and they had the leaders rap a song for it. the songs’ are fun and what’s even funnier is that the song has the leaders sharing this curry and kuukou technically didn’t eat the curry bc it was all gone by the time the cup reached him (and jakurai ate most of it LOL)

i have no fcking clue what weenor busujima is lol

the fact hyprice is a thing is a damn good reason to be here lol. ogs know a hypmic series producer made the joke in 2018 during a hypnama that spawned the concept years later lmao

there was a typo on kuukou’s introductory bio that said he was 68cm LOL

akuma no hana is indeed a song about sex idk what else to tell ya lol

throwback to the hypmic bathtubs they had a live for crazy ass hypmic merch moments lol

the hangout streams are located in this building called mixalive. instead tagging that building’s twt for one of their events, hypnosis flava iirc, they mistakenly tagged a porn twt lol

there was an art trend a few years ago where artists drew their bde faves (and even real people got in on the trend) balancing a shampoo bottle on their big 🍆. ichiro was unfortunately the face of the trend

stage hitoya went viral for that pic used in the iceberg and i had to see randos calling him a two face ass character ONLY HYPMICS ARE ALLOWED TO BULLY HITOYA DAMN YOU

the seiyuu are always getting up to shit backstage lmao tradition is ishiya-san and amasaki-san prowling up on the mtc seiyuu menacingly lmao

if there’s drama or anything of relevance outside of yes stream discords exist, ion know about it lol

a few songs are inspired by/interpolate from other songs. this a normal thing in the music industry (let’s get physical by olivia newton john and physical by dua lipa comes to mind) but hypmic caught a lot of flack for ‘stealing’ from black artists. shinogi dead pools is kendrick lamar’s drank swimming pools bar for bar lol but again, it’s very normal lol the whole kendrick vs drake rap battle that happened this year literally was them using each other’s sound to diss them

some european(?) indie film had an actor wearing ichiro’s jacket

there was a brief trend in jp where they made snow sculptures of their characters as means of attractions and hypmic jumped in on it. it produced the ugliest kuukou known to man he was so unflatteringly scrunckly i loved him LOL

????? bat seiyuu family???? i’m sure what i have in mind is not what they have in mind lol but i mean yeah it’s a running joke that the bat seiyuu consider each other family lol shoutout to sakakihara-san randomly calling hayama-san his ‘onii-chan’ and both hayama-san and sakakihara-san bullying tf outta takeuchi-san by calling him ‘papa’ lol

ariana grande is based about samatoki and there’s proof lol

hypmic vs crsm rap battle was REAL and fumiya wanted to EAT THEM

kamio-san has taken to slapping kuroda-san’s ass and kuroda-san has taken to trying to murder him for it 😌

quite recently lol mtr’s album art was leaked ahead of the hangout stream in a post meant to advertise the fan meeting lol

british dice was a theory i didn’t pay attention to bc i kinda thought just the concept was dumb *wheeze* i think it had something to do with a mistranslation about dice’s father

the rest of that tier i have no fcking clue about lol

in a camera transition during the 9th live, someone’s desktop background was on screen instead of the yknow, livestreaming concert lmao

they got some ddb members to make choreography to move your body til you die!!! i tried i didn’t think it was too bad but the pace of the dance needed to be slowed down eventually lol

if this isn’t poking fun at sensei saying men should automatically know how to rap idk what that is lol

if there’s a trip the mtc seiyuu have taken that stands out from the others, i don’t know about it lol

the hypmic cafe that’s going on rn have these stickers??? standees??? for sale and someone stole all of samatoki’s LOL

[wolveria]

The Anomaly Archives - Reality #003

AU of The Raven's Hymn

Pairing: SCP-049 x Reader

Chapter Warnings: Sex pollen, non-consensual drugging, dubious consent, noncon, mutual noncon, vaginal sex, cold!049

AO3

SCP-049 was a wonderful subject to work with.

You didn’t really work with him, as such. You watched him perform his mysterious surgeries, scribbling in his leatherbound journal as you observed from the security of the room adjacent. He was fastidious, intelligent, and above all, polite. At least, when you gave him instructions through the intercom, he obeyed with a pleasant, “Very well, Doctor.”

You weren’t a doctor, but you didn’t correct him. He knew of your credentials from when you’d introduced yourself roughly a month ago. 049 was a new SCP in your rotation, and he was a nice change. You already had so much new data to work with, as something had sparked the SCP from his lethargic state soon after you assumed your new station.

Logic would dictate you were the introduced variable that stirred him from his dormancy, but you doubted it. A new researcher was... well, nothing new. As far as you could tell, you simply had good timing.

Still, the anomaly paid close attention to your presence. The glass was mirrored—so you’d been told, you’d never been inside the chamber itself—but the way he gazed at it, straight to where you sat before the monitors, left you feeling exposed.

Despite the unsettling attention, your hard work paid off. Just on the other side of the door was the anomaly, currently being restrained and secured in the interview room. Dr. Puli had finally acknowledged your progress and allowed the interview, despite his reservations.

You didn’t understand his hesitancy. SCP-049 was a relatively tame anomaly, and your new methods had helped placate him further. Sure, he wasn’t technically allowed any human subjects, but no one would miss the corpses from the morgue. They were tagged to be destroyed, and it would have been a waste of resources.

“Are you ready?”

You jumped, nearly spilling your mostly empty cup of coffee. They must have upped the caffeine concentration; you’d been jittery all morning after taking your first sip, sweat dotting your forehead as your skin prickled with heat. You reminded yourself to cut back the next morning.

“I am,” you said to your boss where he stood beside you, facing the interview room. There was a second door to the right that led to the observation room.

“Good. Because I, uh... won’t be able to sit in on this one, unfortunately.”

You eyed his apologetic smile, spotting the frustration underneath.

“Oh? Why not?”

“We have a couple of humanoid transfers and I’ve been asked to oversee it.” Dr. Puli glanced toward the two doors, releasing a breath. “But I know you’ll do well. And if anything goes wrong—not that it will—you’ll have all the help you need. Our new Site Director will be observing, and he wants things to go smoothly.”

You nearly choked on the coffee you’d brought to your lips.

“The Site Director is here?”

“Yes, he... asked to sit on it. It sounded like he was impressed with your progress. No one else has been able to get the anomaly to engage, let alone cooperate.”

You gave a nervous smile. At least no one seemed to be mad about those bodies you designated for 049’s use. Still, the news put a damper on your excitement. Dr. Puli wouldn’t say what happened to the last Site Director, and no one else would speak about him either. Your interactions with Leahy had been sparse and rare, but you hadn’t had a problem with him.

But his replacement, Site Director Johannson, was another story. He was an older man, perhaps in his 60s judging by the white hair, but there was nothing grandfatherly about him. When he looked at you, you got the sense he wasn’t seeing you at all.

Your assessment of him didn’t improve after you’d been requested to wear a very specific ensemble for this interview. No one had asked you to wear a skirt before, and you felt like progress had been set back a good 50 years.

A radio chirped to your left, belonging to one of the guards where it was clipped to his vest. He clicked on the microphone and spoke to his counterparts inside.

“You’re clear,” he informed you, though his head remained stiffly forward.

“Wish me luck.”

You handed Dr. Puli your empty coffee cup when he held out his hand for it.

“You don’t need it, but... good luck.”

He gave you one last smile and stepped away, your two escort guards moving at your back. It was overkill, in your opinion, but you wouldn’t wave off the extra security. You didn’t plan to make the same mistake your predecessors did, underestimating what 049 was capable of simply because of his disarming presence.

There was nothing very disarming about the SCP waiting inside. The door slid back to reveal the dark form sitting at the table, his shoulders hunched, and his head bowed. His mask lifted upwards so quickly it was almost a jerk, his eyes focused on you like a large hawk spotting a mouse in a meadow.

You frowned at the unusual behavior but continued forward, your tablet held against your chest as you entered the interview room. The Class III Humanoid Restriction Harness was in place, two extender bars connecting the collar around his neck to the grips of the two guards who flanked him. Even sitting down with his wrists shackled to the table, they weren’t taking any chances.

Typically, you would be at ease in the SCP’s presence, but something had clearly agitated him. You assumed the guards had been rougher than necessary, leaving the poor entity ruffled and misused.

You sat at the table opposite of 049, laid the tablet flat on the table, and gave him a reassuring smile.

“I’m going to ask you a few questions today. Is it okay if I record this interview?”

The SCP stared at you, but his grey eyes seemed fixed on the wall behind you.

“SCP-049?”

“I would not suggest making a record of what is about to transpire, but I fear that decision is outside your control.”

It was your turn to stare. His words were low, grinding in his throat as if it was difficult to speak, and his gaze was on you, too sharp and jagged.

“SCP-049, are you feeling all right?”

One of the guards behind you clicked his radio, but you heard nothing else, indicating he had switched to his headset. Behind the glass, the weight of stares were heavy on you, a reminder that your position was on the line.

There was a crinkle of chains as 049’s folded hands shifted on the table.

“Are you?”

The question brought you up short. The way it was presented was fairly neutral, but this level of stubbornness was unlike him.

“SCP-049, if you are unwilling to cooperate for this interview, then you will be escorted back to your cell.”

“No. I will not.”

He leaned forward, chains pulled taut at the movement.

“Neither you nor I will be leaving this room. Not, I suspect, for a while.”

You opened your mouth to ask him what the hell was wrong with him, and then fell into shocked silence as the two guards at his flank unhooked the extender bars. Without explanation, all of the guards turned away, opened the doors on their respective sides of the room, and walked out.

All you could do was watch, frozen until the room was emptied of all but you and the SCP.

You leapt from your chair, tablet forgotten as you swiped your keycard in front of the reader. It didn’t so much as beep. You pounded on the door, calm professionalism forgotten as panic crawled up your throat.

You went to the mirrored observation window next, banging your hand against the surface so hard it wobbled, and then you stared at your reflection. Your forehead was beaded with sweat, your hair already damp, and heat sufficed your skin.

“You are feeling the effects.”

You met 049’s reflected gaze in the mirror.

“Of what?”

His head tilted, as of the answer was obvious.

“Of what they have given us both.”

Your mind immediately backtracked to earlier that morning and the unusually bitter coffee some tech had handed you before the interview. You’d heard of things like this happening before, mostly through sensationalized rumors after someone disappeared, but you never thought it would happen to you.

You and the SCP were caught in an experiment, exposed to an unknown chemical, and the results would be documented.

049 must have glimpsed it in your eyes, the hollow dread eating away the pit of your stomach. The SCP yanked through his chains, the links scattering across the floor like spilled jewels from a broken necklace. He rose to his feet, broad shoulders blocking out the light behind him, his beaked mask dipped as his gaze burned through you.

You bolted to the far corner of the room, but the entity was right on your heels. He grabbed a fistful of your coat, yanked you backwards, and slammed you sideways into the closest wall. Your scream was choked off from the hand wrapped around your neck.

Your struggles to escape were as fruitless as a bird slapping its wings against the side of its cage, his fingers as unyielding as the bars. He glared down at you with that same predatory focus, and you were so terrified of what he would do that your mind took several long moments to catch up.

049 gripped you with direct skin-to-skin contact, and you were still alive. That shouldn’t be possible. No one understood why his touch was lethal, or if he had control of it. Perhaps this answered that question.

But his eyes narrowed and searched your face, as if he too was stumped by the situation. You weren’t given a moment of reprieve; 049 pulled you way from the wall, readjusting his hold so it was on the nape of your neck, and he shoved you down onto the interview table, bent over its edge.

An animal noise was ripped out of you as he followed you down, his torso pressed against your back, his metallic, rasping words in your ear.

“You have been betrayed, Doctor,” he said low enough that only you could hear. “Though I do not believe you were sent in here to die by my hand. After all, what would be the purpose of dosing you if the expectation was for this experiment to be done on a corpse. Of course, these charlatans conduct nonsensical and disturbed tests and call it science; I would not be surprised if necrophilia was on the agenda.”

His tone was almost conversational, as if you weren’t trembling and gasping in his grip, the gazelle trapped under the lion. You winced as he leaned closer, belatedly remembering he couldn’t actually bite.

“They must already know you are… special. This does not bode well for you.”

You agreed with that—none of this looked good. Had you done something to piss off someone up the ladder? Or was this Johannson getting rid of Leahy’s hires to make room for his own?

You supposed it didn’t matter, you were here now, and your only real focus was on trying to ignore the ache between your legs, made worse the longer he leaned on your back. You pressed your forehead against the cold metal of the table with a desperate attempt to remain still, but your body was traitorous, swayed by the drug that had been slipped in your coffee.

049 let out a strained breath as you lifted your hips and rubbed against him, desperate for friction through the thick fabric of your skirt. You’d never worn a damn skirt to work before, had never been required to, and now, you were almost grateful for it. Every second that passed made your skin burn hotter, and you whined low in your throat. You would do anything to make it stop.

049 released his hold on your neck; he no longer needed to worry about you running. His hands trailed along your sides, the touch curious, and when he reached the hem of your skirt and pushed it up to your hips, you arched your back in anticipation. You were aware of the mirrored observation window, but it was a thought at the back of your mind, nowhere near as important as the promise of relief.

The SCP surprised you by flipping you over, your back now flat against the table as he loomed over you. He reached under your skirt and pushed your underwear to the side, his fingers sinking deep inside with one smooth motion.

The back of your head banged against the table as you bucked against his hand, and your legs naturally found their way around his hips. He plunged deeper, his fingers squeezed between your tight walls, and when his thumb found your clit you lost the sense you had left.

“Please,” you begged for something you weren’t sure he had. Previous researchers hadn’t found evidence of any sort of genitalia, but they hadn’t exactly been looking. Even if all he had were his fingers, you didn’t care. You just needed something. Anything.

But he removed his fingers, kept your underwear pulled to the side, and something unmistakably phallic prodded your cunt.

You pressed your heels against the small of his back, the head of his cock breaching you not enough, and he snarled in response. Fingers digging into the soft flesh of your thighs, he hauled your hips off the table and slid inside you with a single thrust.

There was no air in your lungs to scream with, and honestly, oxygen didn’t seem a priority when it felt like he was going to split you in half. You didn’t know if it was the drugs or the fact you were dripping wet, but it didn’t hurt—in fact, it only ached when he stopped moving.

You sensed a similar restlessness from him, even as he paused to take a breath, he couldn’t hold still, his hips rubbing against yours. Your fingers dug into the thick fabric of his arms as he held your hips at an angle, beyond words and even thoughts at this point.

049 pulled back only a couple of inches before thrusting in again, as if he couldn’t bear to not be buried in your heat. Your fingers increased their grip, and 049 gave an irritated growl at your impatience, snapping his hips forward in answer. You let go of him, pleasantly boneless as he decided to stop testing the new sensations and started to fuck you in earnest. He thrust forward in the same movement of pulling you to him, like you were a thing he was using to chase his own pleasure.

You throbbed around his cock at the idea of being used like his personal toy, and you weren’t sure you could blame it on the drugs.

049 changed his angle, laying almost flat on top of you as he hitched your legs around his waist. Your hips were on the table again as his pace slowed, but the deeper thrusts hit a spot that wound you tighter with each hit.

Your breath staggered and small whimpers escaped. Able to remain silent for most of it, you couldn’t now as you gripped him like a vice.

A litany of French expletives spilled out of him, and the harsh sounding vowels and the loss of control behind them shot straight to your gut. You wrapped your arms around his chest and clung to his back, desperate for something to hold onto, and then you crashed over the edge.

You buried your face in his shoulder and gave a wordless cry, scratching your nails into his thick hide. And still 049 continued to thrust, fucking you as you continued to throb. Something large and warm pressed against your entrance, and you didn’t know what it was, only that you wanted it inside you.

049 hissed and grabbed your thighs, forcing you still when you tried to push back against the barrier, and then he groaned and shuddered. He remained inside you for a moment before he abruptly pulled out, come spilling onto you in thick, white ropes.

The remainder spilled onto the floor as he aimed downward away from you, and you caught sight of the bulbous knot at the base of his cock before he covered himself with his outer robes.

The SCP was trying to catch his breath, and you were doing the same, your thoughts still fuzzy and distant, as if a part of you didn’t want to go back to reality yet. But 049’s eyes were focused and clear, and to your surprise, gazed at you with regret.

“I… did attempt to avoid ejaculation inside you, but I fear I may not have fully succeeded.”

His attention drifted to the door, and at the reminder, you pulled down your skirt and winced at the mess between your legs.

“Why?” you asked as you sat up and tried to collect what was left of your dignity. There wasn’t much to find. “What’s it matter at this point.”

049 turned his focus back on you, his eyes grim.

“Your Foundation may lack humanity, but everything they do is with the intention of an outcome. And what, pray tell, is the outcome one would wish when breeding two assets?”

Two assets? Breeding?

“That’s not… not what this is.” You shook your head. “You’re wrong.”

049 rose to his full height, dwarfing you where you sat on the edge of the table.

“I rarely am.”

He reached forward and took you by the chin. Though it was a gentle gesture, you still trembled at the touch, and the unreadable coldness of his pale eyes.

“And if I’m correct, then we’ll be seeing much more of each other.”

“N-no. This has to be a mistake.” You didn’t believe the words even as you said them, and tears collected unwillingly at the corners of your eyes. “Doctor Puli wouldn’t let them—”

“He would, and he has.”

049 released you and leaned in, so close his mask brushed your neck.

“You’re one of us now, my dear.”

You closed your eyes and the tears spilled down your cheeks. 049’s arms went around your shoulders, and you were too tired to fight it, and you leaned into the embrace. The muffled footfalls of guards outside the door signaled you wouldn’t be alone for much longer, and 049 tightened his grip.

Possessive.

Next Entry

[lucky-clover-gazette]

kings rising highlights & annotations

chapter 2

(easily the most chaotic commentary i've done so far)

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

CHAPTER TWO

okay so this is the first of two laurent pov chapters we ever get, and it’s an intense torture/interrogation scene. this works SO well with the “laurent is in a different genre” bit. like the reader is not only getting his perspective, but the entire vibe just shifts. damen is a passing thought. this is a psychological thriller now, full stop, for this chapter. for the first time in the series, a first-time reader gets an idea that laurent is living a totally different flavor of reality than they’ve been reading. it’s genius to put this here and now, right before the reveal, as we’re scrambling to put everything together and hurting emotionally on damen’s behalf. like, fuck the emotions and romance, we’re doing a gritty torture scene. because that’s just how it is for laurent on this bitch of an earth, as a result of his own ridiculous choices and in general

Laurent woke slowly, in dim light, to the sensation of restriction, his hands tied behind his back. Throbbing at the base of his skull let him know he had been hit over the head. Something was also inconveniently and intrusively wrong with his shoulder. It was dislocated.

oh you know i’m annotating every little detail of this man’s internal narrative. for two scenes i get to be inside laurent’s brain and i am taking every opportunity to document things about his way of thinking that are outside of damen's perception. this is cs pacat allowing me to learn things about the way laurent's mind works, that can re-contextualize the entire rest of the series. i am calling these details, which i would not be able to ascertain if not for a single chapter being from laurent's pov, “cool laurent facts.”

cool laurent fact #1: laurent orients himself in a new situation first and foremost based on the current state of his own person—physical, mental, emotional—and his surroundings. from that, he uses inductive reasoning to understand what is going on.

inductive reasoning is a method of thought that typically goes from specific and limited observation to general conclusion. from what we know of laurent, the idea of him using inductive reasoning on a regular basis makes a lot of sense. laurent might be "mr. probably" who does random insane shit, but the truth is that laurent thinks through almost all of his random insane shit before he does it. the exceptions to this are almost always narratively significant, and they happen when laurent's emotions overwhelm his ability to reason things through at all.

so, like, in this quote: "throbbing at the base of his skull let him know he had been hit over the head." the observation is the physical pain, specifically at the base of his skull. the conclusion is that he was hit in the head. it's a reasonable general conclusion, even if it could potentially be correct.

then we have "something was also inconveniently and intrusively wrong with his shoulder. it was dislocated." observation: shoulder is not working as intended, and in fact is so dysfunctional that it's intrusive. conclusion: it's dislocated.

the entire time, as laurent is thinking these things, he isn't actually DOING anything. and this, i think, is what tends to drive damen (and the attentive reader) insane, because with the exception of these alternate pov chapters, we don't actually get to live in laurent's head. while we know that laurent is thinking things through almost all of the time, our confusion comes with the fact that we can't even begin to guess WHAT laurent is thinking. and since laurent thinks before he acts, we are usually forced to reverse-engineer how the fuck he got to the conclusion AFTER the resulting action has actually been taken. and that is exactly why my annotations about laurent are the way they are in the first place.

so what happens when laurent gets it wrong? because laurent's observations are ultimately limited, and he prefers to come to a conclusion before acting, any flawed conclusions he makes can lead to immense miscalculations. to someone like damen, these miscalculations are both frustrating and avoidable, because damen is much more likely to use deductive reasoning instead.

deductive reasoning uses pre-existing general premises to come to specific conclusions. we see it a lot in damen's pov, in which the things he "knows" about the world are what often inform the action he takes. these aren't personal and specific ideas, but extant generalized theories and conclusions, which are then either proven correct or incorrect once tested. in general, this means that damen tends to act first and think second—the opposite of laurent. it's pretty obvious how this can be to damen's detriment, especially since we read the series almost entirely in his pov. a good overarching example of his deductive reasoning is the way his perspective on akielion slavery shifts throughout the series. he starts out in book 1 believing that there is honor in submission, slavery is a pact, slaves are consenting, and all slave owners uphold standards of "decency" just as he himself does. but then as damen interacts more with the world of slaves and pets, and is made a slave himself, he realizes that those conclusions were incorrect. then he assumes a new conclusion—slavery is an irredeemable institution—and acts based on that instead.

the strength of damen's deductive reasoning, compared to laurent's inductive reasoning, is the adaptability it allows. damen gets shit done when it needs to be done. he might get it done in a way that's messy or artless, lacking all of the pertinent details to do it perfectly, but his ability to apply a theory to a situation and then play it out is a great counterpoint to laurent's general approach, in which things are overthought so thoroughly that action is not taken in a timely or responsive manner. like, we literally see that in the wall grate scene in prince's gambit, which is then referenced again while they're discussing war strategy.

of course, this isn't to say that laurent's inductive reasoning isn't also adaptable. he can adapt to a situation by thinking really hard about it, drawing a conclusion, and then making his move. it's just distinctively different to read that kind of internal process from him as a pov character, compared to damen's typical way of thinking. it's part of this genre shift, i think, because it's so stressful and meticulous. this is thriller/crime/mystery genre thinking, not romance novel or war/action novel thinking. we have gone from a pov character who is like 70% impulse-driven, to a character who in his right mind wouldn't even consider following an impulse unless it was thoroughly thought through, at which point it would fail to be an impulse at all. damen is built to be a romantic lead and action hero. i can't really think of literary examples because i don't read a lot of romance and action books, but idk, disney's hercules or adora from she-ra come to mind. meanwhile laurent is built to be in a gillian flynn or [insert more niche thriller authors i enjoy] novel.

all that is to say, this isn't damen's mind anymore, and we know it from the first few sentences of the chapter. if this chapter was being experienced by damen instead, i think the opening would go something like this: "damen woke to the sensation of restriction and immediately fought against his restraints. he was not able to free himself. he also realized, in his attempt and failure to free himself, that his shoulder was dislocated."

it seems like a minor difference, and maybe it is. but i find it fun to contrast the narrative perspectives of these two fascinating characters, and i like making my own observations and conclusions. i started my annotations back in books 1 and 2 with mostly inductive reasoning, making theories from my observations, but farther into book 2 and definitely in book 3 i can now use deductive reasoning to draw conclusions about characters and events using pre-existing theories. if i'm wrong, i adjust the theory, and that adjusted theory becomes the basis through which i interpret future events. and so on. the two types of thought work beautifully together, and ideally we should all be able to use both. that's part of why damen and laurent are able to help each other grow so much as people and leaders—they're balancing each other out by mutual exposure to opposing ways of thinking.

also, another little note on this specific passage: i love laurent's snarky dismissive attitude towards his own pain, and the hint of dissociation from his physical form. i would guess that laurent thinks in a similar way about pleasurable physical sensations, too: "something was inconveniently and distractingly happening with his body. he was aroused." fuckin weirdo <3

As his lashes fluttered and his body stirred, he became hazily aware of a stale odour, and a chilled temperature that suggested that he was underground. His intellect made increasing sense of this: there had been an ambush, he was underground, and since his body didn’t feel as if it had been transported for days, that meant— He opened his eyes and met the flat-nosed stare of Govart.

i love when i predict/analyze something in detail and then it’s immediately proven correct by the following lines. laurent going on this whole inductive mind journey before realizing that govart is LITERALLY IN HIS FACE is sooooo laurent, and so NOT damen. like forget what i said before, if this was damen's pov, the chapter would simply start with "govart stared at damen."

again, this is a great way to immediately let the reader know that things are going to be different from this pov. yes yes yes yes

Panic spiked his pulse, an involuntary reaction, his blood beating against the inside of his skin like it was trapped. Very carefully, he made himself do nothing.

yeah i have a feeling the sex scenes from laurent’s pov would read a lot like this too

The cell itself was about twelve feet square, and had an entrance of bars but no windows. Beyond the door there was a flickering stone passageway. The flickering came from a torch on that side of the bars, not from the fact that he had been hit over the head. There was nothing inside the cell except the chair he was tied to.

he’s just like me fr, both in real life and how i figure things out while writing/playing d&d (“what are the environmental features, and what do they imply?” “what items can be used, and how?” etc.)

He was hit by the memory of what had happened to his men, and put that, with effort, out of his mind.

cool laurent fact #2: it takes effort for him to put aside his concern for the well-being of people he cares about. this is not what most people would assume, based on how he acts and speaks

He understood that he faced his death, before which would come a long, painful interval.

observation: he’s in a prison cell with govart specifically conclusion: he’s going to be killed, but also tortured for a whiiiiile first because govart hates him so bad

maybe that's redundant, but i just appreciate how his pov really is written like an analysis within itself. it's great. he's an observer of his own story, as well as a participant. damen doesn't usually think from such a detached angle

A ludicrous boyish hope flared that someone would come to help him, and, carefully, he extinguished it.

cool laurent fact #3: sometimes, he hopes. it takes effort for him to extinguish hope within himself (“carefully”), but he believes that doing so is necessary in order to assess circumstances like a rational adult. but still, he does hope.

in just this one sentence, we are told so much. we now know that laurent believes that hope is inherently irrational and childish, which absolutely tracks with the other things we know about his character. we can see it in his choices throughout the series so far, and we can understand exactly why he believes this based on his backstory.

Since the age of thirteen, there had been no rescuer, for his brother was dead.

as i was saying, about laurent's backstory,

also. damen exists. he literally threw a sword at a guy trying to kill you in the last book. laurent you are so smart and you are so stupid and i can’t imagine your pov being written any other way

He wondered if it was going to be possible to salvage some dignity in this situation, and cancelled that thought as soon as it came. This was not going to be dignified.

in almost every instance where someone has been given the opportunity to assault or objectify laurent in a sexual context, they’ve taken it. damen is basically the only living exception.

deduction: laurent cannot get out of this situation without being assaulted, so there's no point in trying to salvage his dignity

BUT like, unless i am completely missing something entirely between the lines, govart doesn't even attempt to sexually assault laurent in this scene. maybe that's not what laurent means here, in terms of dignity? curious what people think about this. because like on first read especially, my immediate thought when this scene started was "oh fuck am i going to have to sit through a scene of laurent being sexually assaulted", since everyone (including govart) talks so much about wanting a piece of him. so i guess it's like, was laurent thinking about that here, or was it just me? curious what others think too

also "cancelled that thought" is just slightly anachronistic, and PERFECT. love it.

He thought that if things got very bad, it was within his capabilities to precipitate the end. Govart would not be difficult to provoke into lethal violence. At all.

“if i’m going to die, i’d rather be in control of the dying. and i know i could totally piss this dude off into killing me before he means to do so, and then i would technically win. ha-ha.”

i love the slight hint of childish antagonism here, with the “at all.” like laurent needs to take the moment to roast govart in his own head, while considering the logistics of his own imminent death. it is so funny to me that we finally get this scene, where laurent gets to be in the genre he's been living for the past two books, but no one actually relevant to the story gets to witness it for themselves. laurent is moonlighting in this scene as a character in a book that isn't this book at all. he's taking a break from the romance and realism-based war strategy shit to be an out-of-his-depths thriller protagonist taking on antagonists that should absolutely be able to defeat him immediately, but somehow managing to survive by absurd unconventional means AND being snarky about it. damen has seen hints of this side of laurent, and paid attention, and so have we as the reader. but this is just… full-intensity. the narrative is allowing him to have it, and allowing us to see him have it. it’s like we’ve been only watching the a-plots of phineas and ferb episodes the whole time, and assumed that perry is probably doing some cool stuff in the b-plot, and gotten a few glimpses via dramatic irony… but now we actually get to see the perry b-plot, and it's fucking awesome. but the a-plot cast will still never know.

The chair, made of heavy oak, appeared to have been dragged in for his benefit, which was civilised or sinister, depending on how one looked at it.

yeah this is the internal monologue of a person who grew up reading books more than talking to people. just being witty in the prose of his own brain for funsies

He thought that Auguste would not be afraid, being alone and vulnerable to a man who planned to kill him; it should not trouble his younger brother.

of course there’s the damen of it all, but i also like how this sentence suggests just how often laurent really does think about auguste. looking back at past scenes and imagining laurent having auguste constantly on the mind really adds a new dimension of tragedy to his existence, and further depth to his initially hateful and eventually conflicting feelings for damen. we could have assumed this without seeing laurent's pov, but it's nice to see hints in the text.

It was harder to let go of the battle, to leave his plans at their midway point, to accept that the deadline had come and gone, and that whatever now happened on the border, he would not be a part of it.

yeah forget about my entire breakdown last chapter bc i didn’t want to assume laurent meant to be there and end up disappointed. he meant to be there. good job laurent

The Akielon slave would (of course) assume treachery on the part of the Veretian forces, after which he would launch some sort of noble and suicidal attack at Charcy that he would probably win, against ridiculous odds.

1) laurent refusing to use damen’s name in HIS OWN HEAD is so fucking funny

2) “(of course)�� cool laurent fact #3: he thinks everyone is probably going to assume the worst of him the majority of the time, including damen. cool laurent fact #4: he thinks in parentheticals, which makes sense

3) i like how in the same sentence where laurent is trying to distance himself from damen with the name thing, he also admits that 1) he knows damen is a good and noble enough person to fight, and 2) he (laurent) knows that damen is going to win, and is therefore not overly concerned. which means he would be concerned if he thought damen couldn’t win. probably for the best tbh laurent has a lot on his plate already

4) talk about ridiculous odds, laurent, you literally kill someone with a chair in this chapter

One on one: he must think about what he could practically achieve.

me trying to do The Tasks with adhd

Fighting free of his bonds at this moment would accomplish, precisely, nothing. He told himself that: once; then again, to quell a deep, basic urge to struggle.

i like how this is put. i can imagine laurent talking to himself in his head throughout a lot of the series. he separates his base human urges from his rational mind and then uses the latter to placate the former. as long as he can manage to keep reason in control of emotion, this is effective. but when he can’t manage it… lol

also “accomplish, precisely, nothing” is great. he didn’t need to throw the “precisely” in there, it probably just made him feel wittier. even inside his own head to an audience of himself (that he knows of), laurent has to quip

‘We’re alone,’ Govart said. ‘Just you and me. Look around. Take a good look. There’s no way out. Not even I have a key. They come to open the cell when I’m done with you. What do you have to say to that?’ ‘How’s your shoulder?’ said Laurent.

i don’t want to be redundant, but i really am just delighted by this genre dissonance. i’m trying to read more of the romance genre, that's what brought me to capri, but THIS is the shit i'm used to.

The blow rocked him back. When he lifted his head, he enjoyed the look he had provoked on Govart’s face, as he had enjoyed, for the same reason—if a bit masochistically—the blow.

cool laurent fact #5: if the bit is good enough he’ll take the subsequent pain. hell, he’ll even enjoy it

god i want to read a thriller novel with laurent as the protagonist SO BAD. i think if pacat ever writes capri again she should do that, and have damen like. kidnapped. it’s not indulgent romance fluff like summer palace, it’s laurent doing badass chaotic hero shit trying to find his fucking wife

He forced himself to keep his voice steady.

i wonder how many times he thought this throughout the series. probably many

‘I think you have one piece of leverage over a very powerful man. I think whatever it is you have on him, it’s not going to last forever.’

context, as i recall: govart knows that the regent had his brother killed, i think? and he has the evidence to substantiate that claim if it was ever made. laurent pieces this together with guion, somehow, offscreen at the end of this chapter. or maybe he finds out later from loyse? but i feel like laurent is more proactive than that

‘Want me to tell you why you’re here? Because I asked him for you. He gives me what I want. He gives me whatever I want. Even his untouchable nephew.’

again, i'm kinda shocked that govart doesn’t actually try to do anything sexual with laurent here. i mean i'm glad that he doesn't, but also this quote makes it sound like that’s why govart asked in the first place. maybe it was just for violent revenge though, and humiliation?

also, like, how exactly did laurent get here? sounds like his forces were expected and overpowered at the fort, right? and he just kinda… got handed off to govart, under the regent’s blessing and guion’s supervision?

'At some point one of us will dispatch the other.’ He made himself speak without undue emotion, just a mild remark on the facts.

probably not surviving this, nbd (but still actively putting effort into regulating his emotions so he can survive)

digging into this more: i personally have this thing where my response to seemingly insurmountable odds, especially emotional ones, tends to be “once i’ve survived this, how will i explain how i did it?”

this whole approach is demonstrated really well in the masterpiece of a doctor who episode “heaven sent." it's first and foremost a meditation on persistence and grief, which are two themes very relevant to laurent's overall story. laurent’s approach to withstanding torture in this chapter, as well as his manner of survival after auguste's death, remind me a lot of "heaven sent" and my own personal methodology. fuck it, here are some laurent-coded "heaven sent" quotes, as a treat:

"The first rule of being interrogated is that you are the only irreplaceable person in the torture chamber. The room is yours, so work it. If they're going to threaten you with death, show them who's boss. Die faster."

"Rule one of dying: don’t. Rule two: slow down. You’ve got the rest of your life. The faster you think, the slower it will pass. Concentrate. Assume you’re going to survive. Always assume that. Imagine you’ve already survived. There’s a storeroom in your mind. Lock the door and think. This is my storeroom. I always imagine that I’m [here]… showing off. Telling you how I escaped—making you laugh. That’s what I’m doing right now. I am falling. I’m dying. And I’m going to explain to you how I survived. Can’t wait to hear what I say."

"I'm going to get out of here and find whoever put me here in the first place. And whatever they're trying to do, I'm going to stop it. Which might take a little while, so do you want me to tell you a story? The Brothers Grimm… according to them, there was this emperor, and he asks this shepherd's boy, ‘How many seconds in eternity?’ And the shepherd's boy says, "There's this mountain of pure diamond. It takes an hour to climb it, and an hour to go around it. Every hundred years, a little bird comes and sharpens its beak on the diamond mountain. And when the entire mountain is chiseled away, the first second of eternity will have passed!’ You must think that's a hell of a long time… personally, I think that's a hell of a bird."

it's the small victories, right? laurent can't exactly conceive of an eternity of grief like the endlessly-regenerating doctor, but those seven long years without auguste in vere must have felt like a torture chamber of their own. and, of course, there's this actual torture chamber, which laurent escapes thanks to his insane reckless persistence. what i mean to say is, laurent of vere is a hell of a bird :) i'm glad we get to spend some time in his head.

'If you kill me, whatever it is that you have on him isn’t going to matter. It will just be you and him, and he’ll be free to disappear you into a dark cell too.’ Govart smiled, slowly. ‘He said you’d say that.’

girl that doesn’t make it untrue are you stupid (yes)

‘He said, “The only way to make sure my nephew doesn’t talk his way free is to cut his tongue out.”’ As he spoke, Govart pulled out a knife. The room around Laurent greyed; his whole attention narrowed, his thoughts attenuating.

yeah, this WOULD be the thing that scares him most. last time when he was gagged, it was technically part of his plan. this would be basically a death sentence, because laurent knows that his words are what keep him alive

‘Except that you want to hear it,’ said Laurent, because this was only beginning, and it was a long, winding, bloody road till the end. ‘You want to hear all of it. Every last broken syllable. It’s the one thing my uncle never understood about you.’ ‘Yeah? What’s that?’ ‘You always wanted to be on the other side of the door,’ said Laurent. ‘And now you are.’

“you are a messy bitch who lives for drama. and i AM the drama.”

basically, laurent buys himself more time 1) being alive and 2) keeping his tongue by essentially volunteering to have information tortured out of him. this is actually a pretty classic laurent move—remember all the way back in book 1 annotations, when i brought up this quote from sharp objects by gillian flynn?

"Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you’re really doing it to them… know what I mean? If someone wants to do fucked-up things to you, and you let them, you’re making them more fucked up. Then you have the control. As long as you don’t go crazy."

By the end of the first hour (though it felt longer), he was in quite a lot of pain, and was losing touch with how much, if at all, he was delaying or controlling what was happening.

you know for all of laurent’s comments about damen valuing honor and fair play and Doing The Right Thing, he really has no idea that damen would see this happening and immediately murder everyone involved in getting laurent into this situation

His tongue was intact, because the knife was in his shoulder. He had accounted that a victory, when it had happened. You had to take pleasure in small victories. The hilt of the knife protruded at an odd angle. It was in his right shoulder, already dislocated, so that breathing was now painful. Victories.

love this use of a previous laurent-ism. god he’s made for this kind of situation why is this man in a romance novel (i’m happy he’s in a romance novel if that’s not clear, he shouldn’t have to be in these situations even if it’s entertaining and compelling and badass. being loved is harder for laurent to process than being tortured and that means he’s in the right genre to truly challenge his character into growth and catharsis)

He had come this far, he had caused his uncle some small consternation, had checked him, once or twice, forced him to remake his plans. Had not made it easy.

these sound an awful lot like dying words. the fact that this is the consolation prize laurent gives himself upon imminent death—that he’s won against his uncle a few times—almost feels like a subversion of a heroic martyr. i’m not big on martyrdom, so i almost think it’s more satisfying for laurent to die telling himself he’s Won against someone who’s hurt him, than telling himself he’s dying to save people who love him and still want him around. admittedly he does have that kind of martyr moment later, when he hands himself over at the end of book 3, but... does he even fully mean to die then? i know he has loyse’s testimony in his back pocket. is his intention still to survive, even then, or is he just satisfied that loyse could potentially bring down the regent once he's gone? idk, it just doesn't feel quite right for laurent just to give up his life completely, even if that's how damen interprets it. even then, i think he'd still have the intention to somehow survive, or at least Win against his enemies. laurent isn’t dying for anyone’s sins—if he’s going to die, he’s taking the sinners down with him, and probably counts himself among them.

i'll make sure to revisit this when the time comes.

His only advantage was that he had managed to free his left hand from its bonds.

personal tangent but this reminds me of the time my level 1 sorcerer was arrested in dungeons and dragons and she shoved her hand up her sleeve and replaced it with a mage hand, so it looked like she was handcuffed for her trial but actually wasn’t. and then she used the real hand to flip off the council running the trial and escape. she and laurent would get along

Because it was impossible to hear anything, he reasoned—or had reasoned, when more detached—that whoever had put him in here with Govart would return with a wheelbarrow and sack to take him out, and that this would happen at a prearranged time, since there was no way for Govart to signal. He therefore had a single goal, like moving towards a retreating mirage: to reach that point alive.

not him waiting for his corpse uber… and someone pushing the wheelbarrow who he can turn against govart. i like how laurent seems to have already made this plan, but this is the first time we hear of it. even in his pov we aren’t getting every single thing in his head

Guion’s voice. ‘This is taking too long.’

BOOOO TOMATO TOMATO

His voice was a little hoarser than it had been starting out; his response to pain had been conventional.

“his response to pain had been conventional” god he is so fucking funny.

laurent, rolling his eyes as he swirls the glass of water he’s using to swallow the maximum safe dose of ibuprofen: “my physical human reaction to torture is just so… banal”

Laurent closed his eyes, wrapped his unsteady left hand around the hilt, and pulled the knife out of his shoulder.

i’m listening to an instrumental music playlist right now and an acoustic cover of lady gaga and ariana grande’s “rain on me” came on the second laurent ripped out the knife

The hilt of the knife was slippery.

love how this doesn’t say “with blood,” because it doesn’t have to. also i took a quick break from reading and now there is an instrumental cover of “death of a bachelor” by panic! at the disco playing, which is rather appropriate for this scene

As, with his ruined right arm, Laurent swung the chair. The heavy oak hit Govart in the ear, with the sound of a mallet striking a wooden ball. Govart staggered and went down.

LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Laurent focused all his remaining strength on the task of reaching the barred door and placing himself on the other side of it, dragging it closed behind him and turning the key that was still in the lock. Govart didn’t get up.

laurent, facing certain death and defeat, used the chair he had been tied to and tortured in to murder and imprison his two captors respectively. kind of a shame he doesn’t end up killing the regent with a bed for similar poetic justice (not really, i think the regent’s death is perfect)

In the stillness that followed, Laurent found his way from the bars, to the open corridor, to the opposite wall, which he slid down, finding at the midway point that there was a wooden bench, which took his weight. He had expected the floor.

i love this image so much—wait is this. it is. ladies and gentlemen and others, this is LAURENT LEAN #12!!!!

He did laugh then, a breathless sound, with the sweet, cool feel of the stone at his back. His head lolled.

snarky action hero laurent i love you so very much. sorry about the torture tho

‘Guion,’ said Laurent, without opening his eyes. ‘You had me tied up and locked in a room with Govart. Do you think name-calling will hurt my feelings?’

see previous comment

‘Let me out!’ The words ricocheted off the walls. ‘I tried that,’ said Laurent, calmly. Guion said, ‘I’ll give you anything you want.’ ‘I tried that too,’ said Laurent. ‘I don’t like to think of myself as predictable. But apparently I cycle through all the usual responses. Shall I tell you what you’re going to do when I stick the knife in for the first time?’

it took me a second to understand what’s being said here. i got briefly stuck on “i tried that,” but looking back on previous dialogue and the rest of what laurent says here, i think it’s something like this:

guion: let me out laurent: yeah i asked for that too when faced with imprisonment and torture guion: i’ll give you what you want laurent: i also tried that. damn if you’re saying all the same stuff i did, maybe i’m more of a basic bitch than i thought. well hey if we’re the same i can tell you how you’ll react when i torture you, just how i reacted when govart tortured me (i am threatening you)

‘You know, I wanted a weapon,’ said Laurent. ‘I wasn’t expecting one to walk into my cell.’

okay now he’s just congratulating himself. earned

‘You’re a dead man when you walk out of here. Your Akielon allies aren’t going to help you. You left them to die like rats in a trap at Charcy. They’ll hunt you down,’ said Guion, ‘and kill you.’ ‘Yes, I’m aware that I have missed my rendezvous,’ said Laurent.

every line he says is a banger. this is the verbal equivalent of wearing sunglasses and walking away from an explosion

‘There was a man I was supposed to meet. He’s got all these ideas about honour and fair play, and he tries to keep me from doing the wrong thing. But he’s not here right now. Unfortunately for you.’

THIS LINE FUCKS

and i love that this is how he regards damen. i love that he calls him a man, and not a slave. i love that it's "he TRIES to keep me from doing the wrong thing," because laurent would never give damen the satisfaction of completely taking control (except during sex, but we'll talk about that later). overall, i love how the entire phrasing is just the tiniest bit admiring and endeared, even though laurent is simultaneously insulting damen's integrity (a quality that we know DAMN WELL laurent admires deeply).

and hey!! cool laurent fact #6: he is totally aware of how down bad damen is, and the way damen has willingly taken the role of his (laurent’s) evil impulse control. and laurent doesn’t seem to particularly hate that, or even resist it, at this point in the series. this makes early to mid book 3 even funnier, in which laurent antagonizes damen and his friends (mostly nik) cartoonishly while KNOWING that damen honors him and feels guilty for lying, so therefore tolerates and even defends laurent's petty bullshit at his own and also nik's expense. just because damen cares about fair play, doesn't mean that his ideas about fairness are like… rational. or sane. and laurent knows that damen's thoughts upon his return and dramatic reveal are probably going to be along the lines of "i lied to laurent and also i murdered his brother, so it's technically not wrong for him to lash out."

i'm looking forward to the future of their dynamic, without those giant lies and power imbalances between them. i don't even mind the "angst" of laurent being a petty bitch in the next few chapters, because we know he's being a stubborn idiot and it can only last so long before he breaks, and he doesn't have power over damen to actually abuse. while laurent previously held socially-reinforced authority over damen, they're about to find themselves on even footing. therefore it IS fair play for them to be freaks to each other, and i think a part of laurent is looking forward to that too. like he'll probably figure out his shit with damen, maybe, eventually. he knows damen will try his best to make laurent do the right thing, and laurent will most likely let him win. but he is also going to be a dramatic bitch about it first. as long as he survives.

needless to say, guion does not stand a chance.

‘Isn’t there? I wonder how my uncle is going to react when he finds out that you killed Govart and helped me to escape.’ And then, in the same dreamy voice, ‘Do you think he’ll hurt your family?’ Guion’s hands were fists, like he still had them wrapped around bars. ‘I didn’t help you escape.’ ‘Didn’t you? I don’t know how these rumours get started.’

>:)

Laurent regarded him through the bars. He was aware of the return of his critical faculties, in place of which up to now had been the tenacious adherence to a single idea. ‘Here’s what has become painfully clear. My uncle instructed that if you captured me, you were to let Govart have me, which was a tactical blunder, but my uncle had his hands tied, thanks to his private arrangement with Govart. Or maybe he just liked the idea. You agreed to do his bidding. ‘Torturing the heir to death wasn’t an act you wanted attached to your own name, however. I’m not certain why. I can only surmise, despite a truly staggering array of evidence to the contrary, that there is still some rationality left on the Council. I was put in an empty set of cells, and you came with the key yourself, because no one else knows I’m here.’ Pressing his left hand to his shoulder, he pushed away from the wall and came forward. Guion, inside the cell, was breathing shallowly. ‘No one knows I’m here. Which means no one knows you’re here. No one’s going to look, no one’s going to come, no one’s going to find you.’ His voice was steady as he held Guion’s gaze through the bars. ‘No one’s going to help your family when my uncle comes, all smiles.’ He could see Guion’s pinched expression, the tightness in his jaw and around his eyes. He waited. It came in a different voice, with a different expression, flatly. ‘What do you want?’ said Guion.

1) the complex inductive reasoning is back! laurent is going to be just fine

2) laurent just unpacked guion’s plan exactly how i’ve been attempting to unpack laurent’s bullshit in my annotations for the past 2+ books. except mine are much more bewildered, and oftten inaccurate. but that's all a part of the fun. i appreciate the small victories of occasionally getting it right ;)