#man why did I ever take AP English if I’m no good at this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

borrovved · 3 years

Text

warned you p.sh

pairing: tutor!sunghoon x fem!reader

genre: smut, but at most suggestive for now

wc: 3k

warnings: mature content, cursing, mentions of erection, mentions of casual sex, y/n saying she’s screwing someone’s dad but she doesn’t lmfao

synopsis: y/n needs to pass calculus, and sunghoon needs to get laid

part 1/???

You were going to your snobby and strict private school, just walking to the beat of Sunmi blasting in your headphones. The pigtails got in the way of the headphones but you made it work. You were aiming for the cutesy innocent look today, regardless of if your whole grade thought you were some harlot. You’d rather call yourself a femme fatale, but what you’re really trying to reclaim as a raging bratty feminist is a bimbo.

Bimbos definitely need to keep their head up high with confidence, but seeing the latest AP calculus quiz on your desk with its 37% marked in red severely irked you in that it made you feel dumb, and not the good kind, the very small and insignificant kind. Bimbos don’t like feeling like that. You twirled your pigtail in your hand and tried to keep a neutral expression, holding in the heavy sigh you so badly need to exhale out. That’s when you heard it.

“How did she manage to score that low?” someone snickered.

“All that time spent on her back and not at a desk really paid off.” another person snickered. You really wanted to say you’ve actually got railed by their dad on his desk and that you’re quite adaptable on where you do it, but you didn’t wake up and choose violence today...and plus the teacher would’ve sent you to the office. Giving them attention would just fuel the fire that you can’t put out when you’re up against slut shaming vermin when you’re only a team of one. The bell rang, signaling your next class and before you were able to stand up and go, you were asked to stay for a few minutes afterwards along with someone else. That someone else being Park Sunghoon. You and Sunghoon walked to the desk of your teacher and stood before her.

“Now Y/N, I know that you haven’t been doing well in class so I decided to pair you up with Sunghoon as your tutor. I feel as though you would have great improvement after a few study sessions, considering big chapters are coming up to wrap up the semester, and now is the best time more than ever to get some aid that I can’t provide.” You peek over to Sunghoon and he glances at you briefly before looking back at the teacher.

“Is this mandatory?” you ask.

“If you want to pass this class, I strongly recommend that you let him help you. An alternative explanation could help.” You really had no other choice but to nod your head yes and go along with it.

��Good. Now that both of you are informed, hurry along before you’re late to your next class.” After both of you scurry out of the room, you walk ahead to your next class and feel a tap on your shoulder.

“Hi, I’m Sunghoon, but you already knew that.” he says awkwardly while he hands you a post it note in neat handwriting. You eye it, then look up.

“You’re giving me your number?” you ask. He nods.

“Texting is the most efficient way to communicate with me since I have ice skating practice and student council related things to do.” he iterates. Before you even say a word, Sunghoon is already off to his next class, but you don’t miss the way he turns around to wave at you and yells “Text me!” in the hallway. You’ve gotten many stares before, from the way you carry yourself and from the way you purposely pull your uniform skirt higher because you think it would look best as a mini skirt, but this time, you heard whispers.

“Why is he talking to her?”

“Must be doing charity work.”

You smile. You can’t wait to tell your best friend Sunoo what just happened at lunch.

“The ice prince is doing what now?” Sunoo says with fruit gummies in his mouth.

“He’s helping me with calculus. And gave me his number.” you say while grabbing for a piece of candy to which Sunoo lets you grab a few.

“So…what’s the plan here?” Sunoo says with an eyebrow raised.

“I’ll text him right now and have some fun.”

“You whore! What do you mean have some fun?” Sunoo asked not subtly with his booming voice.

You roll your eyes. “You know the drill. I think he’s an easy target. I’ll be my cute charming self and see what happens.”

“You mean you’ll be a man eater and devour that poor innocent boy whole?”

“You know me so well.” you say, grinning ear to ear. You whip out your phone and compose a text.

You: Hey Sunghoon, it’s Y/N, are you free after school today?

Unknown: Hey, and yes. Where would you like to study?

You: I’m more comfortable at my house where there’s less distractions. The library is too quiet for me and I like some white noise.

Sunoo peeks over your shoulder and says, “He responds fast.”

You smile, “Right?”

You start typing right away, but notice the three dots before you get to send anything.

Unknown: Sounds good, I’ll meet you after school :)

Sunoo gasps. “A smiley? A smiley!” You giggle at his reaction.

“It’s just an emoticon silly.” you say.

“It’s going to be water droplets and eggplants soon though.” Sunoo said in a sing song voice. You can’t help but laugh at your easily giddy best friend. You had big, big plans to get your prey, and you were going to have your fun in the process of passing calculus while you’re at it.

English literature wasn’t the most fun class in the world with talking about MacBeth and all, however, the fun part was daydreaming about Sunghoon. You have fancied the boy for the longest time casually but thought he was a little too vanilla for you. And you don’t like admitting it, a little too good for you with being a smart hardworking boy with his head on steady shoulders while yours just bobbled to whatever. Anyhow, you needed danger. A little spice, and everything delectably nice. He didn’t seem the type to be rough enough.

He was however tall, lean, and achingly adorable. Handsomely crafted, so soft spoken, and knew when to shut up unlike every boy you’ve slept with thus far. He’s a nice target.

The bell rang, and you were quite surprised to see Sunghoon standing by your locker while you’re on your way there.

“Sunghoon!” you say cheerfully, making sure there was a bounce in your step, very glad you’re not wearing a bra today. For some reason the air conditioning wasn’t working today at school so you used this as an excuse to unbutton a few buttons earlier on your white crisp button up. You can see very clearly Sunghoon gulp and you can’t help but do your eye smile at this, and he does a soft grin in return.

“How did you figure out where my locker was?” you say as you tilt your head. Sunghoon couldn’t help but think the simple gesture of a head tilt was so charming.

He shrugs. “I was going to text you but I knew you would be in class, so I looked at some documents to find out which locker it was. You know, student council perks.”

“Ah.”

“Please don’t find it creepy.”

“I won’t, you dork.” You bend over to reach your locker since it was on the bottom row. Sunghoon stepped aside to let you open your locker, and his breath hitches in his throat. Seeing the back of your thighs in a skirt that was hiked up higher than it was supposed to was bewitching. He felt like he was in a trance and lingered his eyes on your legs for quite a while. Your skirt was just at the edge of the curvature of your ass, leaving some to the imagination but not much. You knew exactly what you were doing. You had many cheap tricks up your sleeve, and you were going to use them to your advantage. You could practically feel his gaze on you and you can’t help but smirk as you grab your calculus textbook along with your pencil bag, still bent over taking your time putting the items in your backpack. Sunghoon knows he has to stop staring or otherwise this won’t look good for him.

“Ready to go?” you say with a smile. It takes a moment for him to process what just happened and he’s all the while wondering how did your legs not hurt when you didn’t crouch to the ground all the way.

“Of course.”

The walk to your home was pleasant, you looked down at your shoes often and Sunghoon mapped out what sections you two were to go over in the textbook, including the homework that was assigned today. You asked him how his classes went and he responded after pausing to mull over his thoughts.

“It’s okay. Nothing exciting happened other than right now.” he says, looking at you while giving you his undivided attention. You can’t help but admire the beauty that is Sunghoon. His soft looking hair that frames his face nicely and the way he has his hands shoved into the pockets of his uniform slacks make him look so boyishly handsome and breathtaking.

It takes a moment for you to respond. “What about right now is so exciting?”

He gently smiles and looks away from you. “I don’t tutor people often. Every once in a while I get asked to help students about a few things but never really spend enough time with them to consider it tutoring. And the change of pace on how I manage my time is much needed. I don’t interact with different people often, so this is...nice.”

Your heart races as the clouds take over the blue sky slowly. You notice just how pretty the cute moles on his face are as your gaze lingers on them for a bit. He does that stupid charming smile that makes you giddy and you blush, picking up the pace. You start turning while walking backwards just to give him your undivided attention.

“We should walk faster, Sunghoon. It might start drizzling.”

Both of you entered your home and took your shoes off at the front door. Sunghoon took a quick glance at your home, to which he said “this is a cozy house.” You tell him your bedroom is the coziest spot in the house, and let him trail behind you as you go up the stairs, and he doesn’t miss the way your pretty and dainty hand smooths over the railing as you walk up. Entering your room, he noticed the pink canopy bed right away, and the pink heart shaped pillow on it. There were so many details in just one spot, with the floral comforter and lights attached to the tulle. It was pretty and graceful. Light and airy. Soft.

“You can sit on the bed. Let me get changed out of this uniform, it’s so hot in this blazer.” you say as you start to strip in front of your closet, looking away from Sunghoon. Now, Sunghoon doesn’t see himself as a pervert, so therefore, when he noticed you unbuttoning your white button up and could only see the smoothness of your back and notice there was no bra in sight, his cheeks flushed. He quickly turned the other cheek and looked anywhere else but you. Unfortunately, perhaps fortunately, you had a full length mirror with fake pink roses running along its sides across your room. Sunghoon tried really, really hard to look at the curve of the pink petals and not at the curve of your breasts when you turned to the side slightly, but he failed so horribly. He could see himself and his cheeks were beet red. The bulge in his pants was so noticeable too. He quickly placed his backpack on his lap and winced at how heavy it was against him. Why did that kinda feel good?

You turn around wearing your school uniform skirt still but this time with a bright red crop top and of course, no bra. Sunghoon is dying and he can’t help but stare at how prominent your nipples are through the thin material. You take the pigtails down and he loves the way your hair cascades down your shoulders once it’s out of its confines of a scrunchie. He blinks once, twice, many times. Maybe if he sees only the back of his eyelids long enough he will stop picturing you naked. It doesn’t work, and you just stand with your hands on your hips and a lilt to your voice.

“Are you thirsty?” you say sweetly, knowing your tricks are working.

“Uh, y-yeah. Do you have water? Can I have water please?” Sunghoon is so precious.

“Of course you can.”

You really are a chintzy whore at best. Your excuse for not sitting at the desk of your room to study was that there was only one comfy study chair, and that you didn’t feel like bringing the dining room chair upstairs. That’s understandable, right? You could’ve however used the chair at your vanity, but that’s just a padded stool with no back to it. Wouldn’t want you or Sunghoon to forget and lean back too far and fall to your doom. So you told Sunghoon that you would rather study in your bed.

You played a little playlist in the background, something mellow and soft and not too distracting. Every once in a while Sunghoon will ask what song it is, and you respond with a chipper in your voice.

“Oh, this one is Sex and Sadness by Madi Sipes and the Painted Blue!”

“That’s one hell of a title.” he chuckles.

“It sure is. The lyrics are so...pretty? I can’t put it into words. The part where it talks about ‘stained glass loved lace’ gets me every time. And ‘whispering words into the singer’s skin.’ It’s romantic.” Sunghoon notices how there’s a certain dazzling feature in your eyes as you talk about the song. He wants to stare in your eyes, but alas you have to finish this one problem. Sunghoon prioritizes responsibilities over such silly, frivolous things that only he notices.

“So tell me how you’re going to solve this problem.” Sunghoon says swiftly while grabbing the glass of water on your nightstand.

You stare at the problem and try your best to concentrate. You really do. But you can’t help the way Sunghoon’s hand looks lazily placed on his thigh. Without much thought, you trace a finger on the back of his hand and say, “Your hands are so veiny.”

“Y/N.”

“And big.”

Well that’s a first, Sunghoon thinks. He knows he’a good looking, a bunch of girls swoon over him at school and at the rink all the time. The most common compliment he gets is on his eyes, and maybe hair, but not on his hands of all things. You’re fascinated by them, and you won’t stop tracing along the veins. Your touch sets his skin ablaze, and it doesn’t seem like you’re finishing this problem any time soon.

“Let’s take a break. I think you’re getting distracted because your brain is all fried.” Sunghoon says softly, still letting you continue playing with his hand.

“I’m getting distracted because I have a pretty boy in my bed.” you giggle. You finally look up and see how pink his cheeks are from blushing.

He starts to stammer “You’re the one that wants to study in your bed!” His voice is a little pitched and you can’t contain your laughs.

“Do you want to move to the desk then?” you ask.

He shakes his head and mumbles a “no.” A few moments pass and you almost didn’t hear what he says next because it’s under his breath.

“I’ve never been called pretty before.”

“Gasp.” you say, lightheartedly.

“No but like, I’ve been called handsome, smart, a little weird, but not pretty.” Sunghoon replies. A moment of silence passed, and you started to ponder.

“There’s a song called Pretty Boy in my playlist somewhere.”

You go over to your laptop and click on The Neighbourhood song. You sway your hips gently and get lost into the music. Sunghoon just gazes at you as you move along to the steady pulse of the music and let the melodies feel you instead of the other way around. You do a little twirl and waltze your way to your bed, grabbing his hand.

“Dance with me.”

He obliged, wordlessly.

He takes in the words of the lyrics and closes his eyes. If he can’t see how close he is to you right now, it feels less real. It feels less scary. Not that you’re scary, Sunghoon doesn’t think girls with pink heart shaped pillows are scary. What’s scary is you laughing at his boner because he hasn’t been this close to a girl before since a random winter formal he had in grade school. The girl wasn’t all that nice since she dipped to dance with his friend. You’re much softer and nice. More delicate. You even smell nicer. God, your little hands enclosed together behind his neck and his big hands on your waist feels too good to be true. He can feel your gaze on him.

“Sunghoon, open your eyes.” He does, and his breath hitches and you look down, because you definitely feel something poking you and it wasn’t there before.

“I have to go, I have a curfew and it’s getting late, I’ll walk myself out.”

“Sunghoon I can at least walk you down-“

“No, seriously. I can go by myself. Thank you though.”

He’s so wide eyed and his cheeks are so rosy and he dashes away like his life depends on it. And you didn’t even get to kiss him.

#sunghoon scenarios #sunghoon scenario #sunghoon suggestive #sunghoon smut #sunghoon imagines #sunghoon imagine

312 notes · View notes

ginnympotter · 4 years

Text

to the garden

here it is, my betty inspired jily one-shot. to be honest i’ve been struggling to write this for so long i don’t even know if it’s good, but i finished it and i’m at least proud of that. i hope you guys enjoy it. thanks so much for reading 💗 p.s. this is a covid free universe

you can also read it on AO3 here.

Thursday Afternoon

“I fucked up,” James announced as he sat down for lunch.

No one looked up, but Sirius responded after a large gulp of his soda. “That’s nothing new.”

James growled, stabbing at his roast beef. “No, you don’t understand. I fucked up so bad, I’m not even hungry.”

Remus was kind enough to spare him a sympathetic look. “Well if it ruined your appetite, it must be serious. What happened?”

“Evans switched her homeroom,” he muttered under his breath, looking around to make sure she was not near. He spotted her at her usual table across the room, out of earshot. “And I won’t make assumptions but…I think it’s ‘cause of me.”

“I believe that was an assumption,” Remus replied. “And a ridiculous one, at that.”

“But it’s true! She knows,” James cried hopelessly. “She knows I got with Alison this summer.”

Peter laughed. “Well, the whole school knows that.”

James’s eyes widened. He felt his stomach drop. “What do you mean, Pete?”

“Inez,” Sirius answered, still not looking up, browsing through different motorbikes on his phone.

James groaned. Of course Inez ran her mouth. If Inez got word of anything, true or false, she spread it like wildfire.

“On the bright side, I also heard from Inez today that Snape and Lily aren’t talking anymore,” Peter told him comfortingly.

Despite all odds, James’s spirits lifted just the tiniest bit. “They aren’t?”

He shot his eyes back at Lily’s table and noticed that Snape wasn’t there. Mary was sitting next to Lily and Marlene sat across from them, animatedly telling a story. He forced himself to look away so Lily wouldn’t catch him staring.

“Regardless,” Remus said, looking pointedly at James. “Lily switched into my homeroom, and she told me this morning it’s because she’s taking AP Lit instead of regular English class, so she had to move some things around to make it work.”

“Classic Evans,” Sirius laughed, putting his phone down and taking a bite of his sandwich. “It’s going to be a tight race between you two for valedictorian, Prongs.”

James sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Okay, so maybe I’m not the sole reason she switched her homeroom, but she still hates me.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Remus said impatiently. “But if you’re so convinced, why don’t you just apologize?”

James got a distinct feeling that Remus knew something he didn’t. “Did she mention me to you in homeroom today? What are you hiding?” he asked eagerly.

Remus rolled his eyes. “I’m not hiding anything. Just talk to her yourself,” he responded, then gave a look that James clearly understood to mean ‘I’m done with this conversation,’ and dug back into his lunch.

Despite James’s conviction that Lily Evans hated him now, something about the way Remus was even more fed up with his antics than usual made him feel slightly less nauseous, and so he began to eat as well.

But only a moment later, the sound of Sirius’s voice made him feel sick again. “Just hook up with her at her party tomorrow night and it’ll all end well, I’m sure.”

James choked on his mashed potatoes. “Her what now?”

“Her party. You’re invited,” Sirius answered.

“I don’t follow,” James said, feeling as if very little air was entering his lungs. “How do you know she’s having a party? And that I’m invited?”

“She told me,” Sirius informed him. “We sit next to each other in AP Physics because of Vector’s alphabetized seating arrangement. You know that. That’s why you’re stuck with Peter.”

“I’m going to choose to ignore that,” said Peter.

“Anyway,” Sirius continued. “She told me she’s having a party tomorrow night at her house and to bring you guys along.” He lifted up his phone and shoved it in James’s face, a picture of a motorcycle on the screen. “What do you think about this one?”

“It’s fine,” James snapped, taking Sirius’s phone out of his hand. “Did she say my name specifically when inviting us or was she just talking vaguely about our group?”

“James, I don’t know,” he groaned reaching for his phone across the table. “I don’t analyze every word that comes out of Evans’s mouth! Now give me back my phone-“

“No-“

“Give it to him, James,” Remus said sternly.

James resigned, handing it back over. “Sorry, Dad.”

“Now, eat,” Remus ordered.

James was going to listen- he really was- but then Alison passed by with Inez. Alison looked at James and smiled sadly, offering a little wave. With regret in his stomach and guilt in his throat, he waved back, and then quickly looked back towards his friends.

“Coward,” Sirius muttered under his breath.

James gasped. If someone wanted to bruise James Potter’s ego, ‘coward’ was all they needed in their arsenal to defeat him. Above all, James has always prided himself on being brave. “How DARE you. Sleep on the street tonight, traitor.”

“Euphemia would sooner kick you to the curb for this Evans stupidity than depriving me of shelter for simply calling you out on your bullshit.”

“You don’t understand how painful my last conversation with Alison was…having to admit that I still had feelings for Lily…apologizing for not being more straightforward about it in the beginning…you can’t call me a coward after that.”

“Well, until you apologize to Lily too, I’ll continue berating you as I see fit.”

********

Friday Morning

James almost couldn’t complain; he knew he deserved this type of misery. But it still hurt.

Because as he walked into government class on Friday morning and spotted Evans, she was wearing a particular item of clothing that made his heart stop and his throat close up. Her white, knitted cardigan that it was definitely too hot to be wearing enveloped her like a hug.

“I like my sweaters oversized,” she had told him that night.

And now he couldn’t concentrate on a single thing Binns was saying because the very little self-control he had over his daydreaming was ripped away by that cardigan. He sat two seats to the left and one seat behind Lily and stared at the white material, remembering the feel of it through his fingers as he pulled her to him that night under the streetlight, as he took it off of her in his car…

He cursed himself for not treasuring that night more than he did…then maybe he wouldn’t have stormed out of the dance. Then maybe he wouldn’t have gotten in the car with Alison. Then maybe he would have actually had the courage to ask Lily to be his girlfriend when he had the chance.

Sirius was right. He was a coward.

He drowned himself in the memories of that night, letting his ego melt around him, suffocating him with regret. Out of the corner of his eye, waking him from his reverie, he noticed Snape a few seats away texting furiously and glancing at Lily, who pointedly turned her phone over on her desk so that she couldn’t see any messages that might be popping up on her home screen. She started tapping her pencil against her desk in frustration.

He smiled in spite of himself, knowing what each of her little quirks were, because he’d wanted her for so long, and he just made a mess of it all.

He didn’t know how, he didn’t know if he could, but he had to clean it up.

After far longer than he could bear, the bell rang. James was deciding whether or not to approach Lily, but before he could even make a decision, she threw her books into her bag, jumped up, and bolted towards the door. For a moment, James thought she could somehow read his mind and was trying to avoid him before it was too late, but he quickly realized that it was another man in Lily’s life driving her away.

Snape got up almost as quickly as her, his greasy hair blowing behind him as he followed her. James gathered his belongings and followed the class out, curious to see if Lily had made her escape or not.

She hadn’t. Rather, she was at her locker, rummaging through, as Snape stood at her locker door, speaking rapidly to her. As James approached, it sounded like Snape was pleading with her.

“Lily,” Snape said with urgency. “How many times do I need to apologize-“

“None,” she snapped, slamming her locker door. “Because I’m done forgiving you. Just leave me alone.”

“Will you please just listen-“

He strode over. “Snape,” he growled.

Snape turned sharply towards him, his features all narrowed in anger. “This is none of your business.”

“It seems like you’re harassing Evans. She told you to leave her alone.”

Lily finally looked at him, her expression unreadable. She kept her gaze on him as she spoke to Snape. “Please, Sev. Just go.”

But he remained rooted to the spot, his face red, yet seemingly unable to speak.

James adjusted his bag’s shoulder strap unnecessarily. He spoke to Lily. “You have art next, yeah? So do I. Come on.”

And without thinking much about it, he grasped her wrist and steered them away from Snape and down the hallway. He tried to ignore the familiar feel of the cardigan against his hand, noticing how Lily was striding along with him, quickening her pace as they turned the corner to enter the staircase. They walked down the stairs quickly in silence. As they reached the landing, Lily glanced up at him.

It was the first time he got a good look at her face since the dance. The summer sun seemed to have brought out her freckles. Her face was slightly flushed. Her red bangs had grown so long she had to part them in the middle so they wouldn’t fall in her eyes. Her eyes, as beautiful, as wide, as green, as lethal as ever.

When he processed all its parts as a whole, his stomach dropped; she looked… sad. Her eyes flashed to his grip on her wrist, and he removed his hand from her and ruffled his hair anxiously.

She spoke first, her voice not giving her away. “I appreciate the intention, Potter, but you didn’t have to do that. I can handle him myself.”

“I know you can,” he assured her, feeling the heat rise on his neck. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize…” she sighed, crossing her arms. “For that, at least.”

James’s stomach dropped. She stood for a moment, as if waiting for the implied other apology, but then offered a smile that was gone so fast that perhaps it was just his imagination, before turning out of the staircase into the hallway. Afraid to speak, he followed her into the art classroom. As they were the first ones in the room, Lily chose a table, and feeling reckless, James sat down next to her. “Sirius told me you’re having a party tonight.”

She nodded. “I am.”

“And that I’m invited.”

Her expression was suspicious. “You are.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You sure you want me there?”

She yanked her sketchbook out of her bag, opening it up roughly. “Show up, don’t show up, your choice, I don’t really care.”

But her voice was impassive, whereas it was usually filled with inflection and passion and emotion, so the lack thereof was a giveaway that she did care. He almost wanted to call her bluff, but the rest of their classmates started trickling in, including Lily’s friend, Mary Macdonald, who sat down and gave James a scathing look. He nodded at her politely and then focused on his bag, taking out his materials. Sirius strode in and sat next to James, giving him a questioning look. James just shook his head as he doodled on the corner of his sketchbook.

“Evans. Macdonald,” Sirius greeted their desk mates. “Ready to get smashed tonight?”

“Always,” Mary said.

“How difficult do you think it will be to impose a three-drink maximum?”

“Maximum?” Sirius gaped.

“Impossible, Lil,” Mary told her.

“What for?” asked Sirius, seeming deeply offended.

Lily sighed, pulling on her cardigan sleeves. “I just don’t want anyone breaking anything. Or vomiting on anything. My parents would kill me.”

“Or worse than that,” Mary looked at her. “Petunia,” she and Lily said simultaneously, grimacing.

Sirius let out a laugh like a bark. “Your boring, uptight sister? I’d like to see her try.”

“Oh, she will try,” Lily assured him.

“She won’t be home though, right?” Mary asked. “She’ll be off with her loser boyfriend.”

“Well, I apologize in advance, Evans, but I am going to be having more than three drinks. I probably won’t throw up, but no promises about not breaking anything, especially if this one tags along,” Sirius said, elbowing James. “Becomes a complete klutz under the influence.”

Mary turned her head sharply towards James. “You’re coming? To Lily’s party tonight? Who invited you?”

“I did,” Lily informed her, looking at her friend pointedly as if trying to send her a telepathic message. “Well, technically, I invited Sirius and told him to invite the other three. But Potter hasn’t made his mind up yet.”

Mary looked like she was containing herself as she said quietly, “Well, maybe you shouldn’t come. We can’t risk anything being broken. Although maybe it would be fun to see James suffer from Petunia’s wrath…”

James offered her an obviously fake smile, to which she narrowed her eyes in response just as the teacher began to attempt to gain the class’s attention. As the room became quiet, James caught Lily’s eyes again. Her cheeks were flushed but she didn’t shy away, she held his gaze, as if daring him to do something. If only he knew what.

*****

Friday Night

“James, stop being melodramatic.”

“Have you met him, Remus?” Sirius laughed, which James did not appreciate at all. As if he wasn’t melodramatic himself. “It’s his lifestyle.”

“Come on, we’re going to be late,” Peter urged them eagerly.

“I am unable to move,” James stated. “I have suddenly been rendered immobile. You guys go. I’ll just die here.”

Remus sighed heavily. “We’re two blocks away, James. Enough of your pretend psychosomatic syndrome and move.”

“Should I run back home and grab your skateboard?” asked Sirius, amused. “We’ll strap you to it and push you the rest of the way.”

“That could work.”

“No,” Remus refused. “Just be a man and go apologize to her. Excuse my gendered language.”

“You’re not excused,” James responded. But he grunted as he watched Remus turn and resume their route, so he forced his own legs forward, and he began to walk towards their doomed destination once again.

“Huzzah!” Peter shouted in celebration, scurrying after him.

“It’s a miracle!” Sirius gasped, throwing an arm around James’s shoulders. “Maybe I’ll convert from atheist to agnostic now.”

James chuckled nervously, fighting the urge to run very far away. He thought he could read Lily like a book, but with each step towards her house he felt increasingly doubtful of her intentions, how she would react when he arrived. It was the last time he could dream about what would happen when she sees his face again, and living in the best-case scenario fantasy was much easier than doing it in reality. But he knew if he didn’t seize this opportunity to apologize to Lily, he would never get another chance. And so he trudged on until they reached their destination. He could faintly hear the music that was blaring inside. Mary and Marlene were on the front porch laughing, Lily standing beside them.

Lily, who took his breath away with a singular glance, had her hair up the way he liked, wearing high-waist, denim shorts, a white t-shirt, and that damn cardigan. He felt his airways clog up with desire.

Mary gave James a similar dubious look as she did in art class. Marlene, who was protective of Lily but slightly more sympathetic than Mary, gave him a tight-lipped smile.

Sirius let go of James as Remus hugged Lily. James was filled with curiosity as he watched them quickly exchange whispered words in urgency. Remus patted Lily on the shoulder before walking in to her house. Peter and Marlene followed, but Sirius loitered outside, putting his arm around Mary.

“Come, Macdonald. It’s a beautiful night. Let’s walk.”

“Where?” she asked him skeptically.

“To the other side of the porch,” he told her, winking at James as if to tell him I got you covered, before steering her away from James and Lily.

It was just them for now.

There were so many things he wanted to tell her. How beautiful she looked, how much he missed her over the summer, how sorry he was for everything.

“So, I showed up,” is what he blurted out.

“And so you did.” She gave him a once over. “You look nice.”

“So do you,” he responded in haste. “More than nice- great.”

She shrugged, playing with the ends of her hair. James looked over to the other side of the porch and saw Sirius chatting up Mary, who was touching his arm and laughing.

For fear of Sirius’s distraction skills only lasting so long, James looked back at Lily. “Evans, I…I really need to talk to you. Do you think there’s somewhere we can do that with, er, a little more privacy? Like the garden?”

She bit her lip as she contemplated it. He tried not to stare, he really tried, but suddenly he felt like he was sweating.

Eventually, she nodded. “Sure. Follow me.”

She turned into her house and made her way through the living room and kitchen to the backdoor, striding without once looking back or making sure James was close behind. He followed her out the screen door and into the garden.

He sat beside her on the bench beside the orchids. The same bench where he kissed her last.

“The Evans household has a thing for flowers, huh?”

“What?”

“Well the garden has a lot of flowers. You and your sister, both named after flowers. These orchids are really nice,” he rambled nervously.

“Thanks?” she responded, looking at him suspiciously. “So, you wanted to talk?”

He cleared his throat. “Sorry. Uh, anyway. Thanks, yeah, I do. Honestly, I thought you’d tell me to go fuck myself.”

He could tell she was holding back a smile as she said, “I strongly considered it.”

“I’d deserve it,” he told her honestly, mustering up his courage. “I mean, I do deserve it. That’s why I’m here, I…I want to- no, I need to apologize to you for the way I acted the last week in school before you went away for the summer… I know you already know about it, but I…” he paused, taking a deep breath and locking eyes with her. He needed her to understand this. “I hope you can trust me when I tell you that what happened with Alison was just a summer thing…it’s over now.”

“It’s fine, James,” she said, breaking eye contact and looking off into the distance.

“No, it’s not fine,” he said in earnest. “It was stupid. Leaving the dance like that and not even talking to you and then only a few days later getting with Alison. It’s probably the worst thing I ever did. It wasn’t fair to Alison, because I was just trying to get you out of my head. But it especially wasn’t fair to you. And I’m sorry.”

The silence sat heavy around them before Lily sighed. She continued to stare at the flowers in the garden. “I just don’t know where it all went wrong.”

“I do,” he responded quietly. “At the dance, your favorite song was playing. ‘Lover’ by Taylor Swift. Remember?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, I wanted to dance with you to it-“

“I wanted to dance with you to it too,” she said, snapping her gaze back to his. Her look was fierce. “But I couldn’t find you!”

“I was sitting in the corner of the gym taking a break from the chaos. The dance was overwhelming. If it’s not a football game, I hate the crowds. You know that.”

“I do know that,” she replied, her face red. “Which is why I was trying to find you- I thought…God this sounds so stupid now. I thought we could dance to it outside or something.”

James tried to swallow, but it felt like his heart had jumped up into his throat. He forced more words out of his mouth. “It’s not stupid, that’s what I wanted to do.” They both smiled for a fraction of a second, but then his face dropped again as he told her, “But then I saw you dance with…him.”

Lily’s smile evaporated too. “You mean Severus?”

“Yes.”

Lily put her head in her hands. “Of course. Of course that’s what happened. God, how did I not put two and two together?”

“I know I was wrong now, I know nothing happened that night. Remus told me as much this summer,” he said, putting a hand through his hair, feeling the embarrassment spreading across his own cheeks. “But it was like my worst nightmare playing out before my eyes! I didn’t know you went looking for me at first, I didn’t know what you guys were talking about, I just saw his arms around you and was so angry I stormed out as fast as I could, so that I wouldn’t do something really stupid to him!”

Lily groaned, removing her hands from her face and pulling on her cardigan sleeves. “You could’ve spoken to me about it literally at any point after up until I left for my trip. I tried talking to you that last day in school and you gave me such a cold shoulder!”

“I know. And I’m sorry for that,” he apologized, hoping the sincerity was evident in his voice. “It’s not an excuse, but I was just hurt. We all know how obsessed Snivellus-“

“James,” she interrupted, rolling her eyes.

“Sorry, sorry, I know you hate that. We all know how obsessed Snape,” he corrected himself begrudgingly, continuing on, “is with you, and I know you two are like childhood best friends or whatever, so I jumped to conclusions when I saw you indulging him.”

“Well, you jumped wrong,” she almost spat. She was angry now, real angry, but James could not tell if her fury was directed at him or Snape. “I wasn’t indulging anything, he must’ve had his hands on me for fifteen seconds before I got him off me, told him off and stormed away.”

James felt a sense of relief and guilt tangled up inside him. “What happened?”

She fidgeted, exhaling deeply. “He was warning me about you for, I don’t know, the nine hundredth time at that point, saying how I should be with him instead, the usual bullshit. I went looking for you again but Sirius said you had left suddenly… And then you wouldn’t even look at me at school.”

“I was embarrassed. And furious,” he admitted.

“Yeah, I could tell as much.”

“But I still saw you talking to him,” James remembered, knowing it did not make a difference but wanting her to understand his entire thought process. “That last day in school. I saw you walk home with him. You two seemed fine.”

Lily frowned. “I was giving him one last chance to apologize, to salvage the small sliver of friendship I was still holding onto for only God knows why…we got to my house and he tried to kiss me. I had to physically push him off me, yelled at him like I’ve never yelled at anyone in my life, and he ran home. And that was the end of that.”

“Fuck,” James exhaled, feeling his anger burn every inch of his skin, boiling his insides.

“It’s ok, I’m fine,” she assured him, noticing how angry he looked on her behalf, and put the fingers peeking out of her cardigan sleeve on his hand to help level him. She let it linger for a few seconds in silence before bringing her hand back into her lap. “So that’s how my day ended before I left for Italy with my family. But I heard you had an interesting afternoon that day too, hm?”

It felt like a punch in the gut as she looked at him, her question pointed and knowing. His chest tightened as he asked, “Are you sure you want to know about it?”

“I’d rather hear it from you than Inez, so yes, if you’d please.”

He sighed, wanting so bad to look away from her but knowing he had to look her in the face so she’d see the remorse in his eyes. He summoned all the courage he had. “I saw you walking home with Snape, and was…besides myself. I took the long way home. Remember where we went on our date? That block with the broken cobblestones? I was walking there, thinking of you.” He paused and took a deep breath, Lily’s face still blank. “And then Alison pulled up in her car, noticed I was upset, told me to get in for a drive. It was like…a figment of my worst intentions. I thought you were with Snape, and Alison was throwing out hints left and right that she was interested, and so I went with it…we didn’t officially date or anything, but I spent time with her a bunch this summer. But it was so, so fucking stupid to think any other girl could distract me from you because…well, I dreamt of you all summer long. And so I told her that, and cut the whole thing off a couple of weeks ago.”

He paused, watching her face, hoping for a hint of what was racing through her beautiful brain. She was contemplative, searching his eyes. When she still said nothing, James reiterated, “I’m so, so sorry, Lily. About all of it…about Alison, about ignoring you those last few days at school, about assuming something was going on with you and Snape and storming out of the dance…”

Lily sighed, crossing her arms. “I understand. But it still hurts… I mean, I finally let you in and went on that date with you and I felt so… and then just so suddenly…” she trailed off.

“I know,” he empathized. “The thing I’m sorry for the most is not asking you to be my girlfriend the moment after you kissed me on our date. I was going to ask you at the dance, but obviously those plans got thrown out the window.”

“You were?” she asked, her arms dropping as her face softened.

“Yes,” he told her, needing her to believe him. “But not just that, I wanted to tell you how I feel, because I don’t think you really know, do you?”

She didn’t respond, so he took that as his cue to keep going.

“It’s my fault. I should’ve told you on our date, but I was trying to keep it cool, which was dumb, and I’m done with that. I’ve been…crazy about you since freshman year. I mean, I know I asked you out a bunch so you must have known I was interested, but it’s more than that. You are… the most special person I’ve ever known. You have a way of making everyone feel important. You’re so damn nice to everyone, I wish I had that kind of heart. And God, you are so smart it’s the sexiest thing-“

She started to laugh. When James’s eyes widened at this reaction, she shook her head. “I’m laughing because I think the same thing about you. Especially the smart and sexy bit.”

He smiled. “I mean, you’re so much more than sexy, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. And when I’m with you I can just be myself. We just…fit, you know?”

“I know.”

“Evans, I’ll apologize for the rest of my life if that’s what it takes. I’m an idiot, an absolute fucking idiot for the way I acted. I’m still trying to figure this all out, you know? I’m only seventeen, I don’t know anything! I have no idea what I’m doing!” he laughed. She smiled back, and he took that as permission to hold her hand, and so he did. “But I know I miss you. More than I’ve ever missed anything or anyone. And I swear, I’ll never hurt you again. The only thing I want to do is make it up to you. Please believe me. You don’t have to forgive me yet, but at least say you believe me.”

There was a beat, and then Lily intertwined their fingers. “I believe you,” she told him. “And I forgive you.”

When James exhaled, it felt like it was the first time he properly breathed in months, his entire bodily system recalibrating. “Really?”

“Perhaps against my better judgment, but yes, really. I missed you, too.”

He suddenly felt electric, looking at Lily, letting her admission sink in. “I missed you so damn much,” he told her again, and unable to hold back a moment longer, he disconnected their fingers, put both his hands on her face and kissed her.

To his surprise, she kissed him back with matched enthusiasm, grasping at his sides and pulling him closer so that their bodies were connected. The feel of her was better than he remembered, more than he dreamed it would be. He moved one hand to the back of her head, and she opened her mouth to him. The world fell away as she let out a soft moan at the gentle sweep of his tongue. He sunk into her embrace and never intended to leave, because why would he need to do anything else?

But at some point, a few minutes too soon, Lily pulled away, leaning her head against James’s shoulder and breathing heavily.

“Alright, Evans?” he asked, kissing the top of her head.

She nodded against him. “Yeah, I’m just…hot.”

James chuckled, playing with her ponytail. “Well, that goes without saying.”

Lily snorted, picking her head up and looking at him, her eyes light and dazed. “No, I mean, I’m hot, like I’m sweating. Let me just…”

She pulled back just the slightest bit and unbuttoned her cardigan. As she shook out of it, her expression became mischievous.

“You wore that on purpose,” he accused her with an equally playful smile. “It was way too warm all day for you to actually need it.”

“Guilty,” she smirked, wrapping it around her waist. “I was hoping to spark something in your memory.”

“More like torture my memory,” he said, threading the sleeve through his fingers briefly. “You think I wouldn’t remember that you wore this on our date? The moment I saw you standing in your cardigan this morning, I knew I was fucked. I was distracted the rest of the day.”

“Too bad you didn’t see me sooner.”

“Well I would have if…”

He paused, contemplating whether he should ask her.

“If what?” she asked, looking at him curiously.

James sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Ok, random question, just thought of it like, one second ago, haven’t been ruminating on it since school started yesterday or anything. Did you switch your homeroom ‘cause of me?”

She raised her eyebrows. “Oh, so this is what you were bugging Remus about? No, of course not. I had to move my schedule around so I could take AP Lit.”

“Oh,” he exhaled in relief. “Well, good. But not good about you and my stupid friends conspiring behind my back-“

“There was no conspiring. You should be grateful for that stupid friend of yours; he pleaded your case rather convincingly.”

“He pleaded yours well too. Sometimes I don’t know whose side that guy is on.”

“Well mine, obviously,” she said. “Your assumption about homeroom was ridiculous. Did you think I was too afraid to see you or something? That I’m a coward?”

He tensed up again. “No! I would never- I just meant, I thought you were so sickened with me that the last thing you would want to do is start your day staring at the back of my head.”

She laughed, reaching over and running her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes at the feeling, reveling in the familiar touch he last felt a few months ago, though it felt like ages. “Nah, I’m quite fond of the back of your head. An exceedingly annoying amount, actually.”

He sighed happily as her nails gently grazed his scalp.

“But as much as that may be true, and although I do forgive you, I do still feel hurt. And that trust needs to be rebuilt over time, you know?”

“I know. Lily,” her name left his lips like a whisper. Her hand paused on the back of his neck. He opened his eyes again and met hers, green and sparkling. He couldn’t blow it this time. “I really am so, so sorry. And I will do whatever it takes to make it all up to you. But can I do that as your boyfriend?”

She bit her lip, studied his face for seconds that felt like an eternity, and then nodded.

“Yeah?” he asked hopefully.

“Yeah,” she confirmed, smiling. “Let’s do it already. I’m in.”

“Finally,” he said, smiling ear to ear. Lily laughed, probably at the goofy grin on his face, before he swiftly swooped in, crushing his lips against hers again.

Her nails continued their work in his hair as she kissed him back fervently, pressing her body against his again, causing him to moan. He knew that every second he had with her was cherished, and he tried to cement them in his mind, but it was only a few minutes later a voice broke them apart.

“Lily!” Mary called out from a distance. They broke apart with a simultaneous sigh, turning to see her standing outside the back door, hands on her hips like an angry parent. Sirius pushed the screen door open, shouted, “Sorry, I tried!” and then retreated back into the house.

She marched toward them, a woman on a mission. “Really, Lil? Really?”

“Why, Macdonald, you look lovely tonight,” James tried.

“Do not test me, James Potter,” she snapped. “You can’t just-“

“Mary,” Lily called her friend’s name fiercely. “No need for the hostility. James and I hashed everything out-”

“Yeah, unfortunately, I can see!” she exclaimed in disgust.

“Could you give us some space, then? Please?” Lily asked. “I know what I’m doing. Trust me.”

Mary rolled her eyes. “Fine. But just in case you forgot, your party is happening in there without you. And you promised me a round of karaoke.”

“And I intend to keep that promise,” she told her firmly. “Just give us a few, alright?”

“Alright. I’ll be timing you though. And Potter, I got my eye on you,” she warned, pointing her index and middle finger to her eyes and then onto James.

He laughed, knowing that Mary always liked him before the summer and would soften up to him again eventually. “Understood.”

She nodded and walked off. They waited until the screen door closed behind her. Then Lily turned back to face him. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be, I get it,” he waved it off. “And I don’t want your friends murdering either of us, but there’s so much I wanted to catch up on, like your trip to Italy-“

“I know, me too,” she sighed.

He interlocked their fingers and lifted her hand to his lips. “Are you free tomorrow? Why don’t we get breakfast and take a drive, spend the day? That way no one can interrupt us.”

“I’d like that.”

“I’ll pick you up at nine?”

“It’s a date.”

Knowing his time was running out, he leaned forward and kissed her once more with all he had, feeling elated as she returned each kiss with her own, already excited at the thought of kissing her more in the car tomorrow. With as much willpower as he could muster, he pulled away from her, running the hand that wasn’t holding hers down the length of her arm until it reached the cardigan around her waist. He felt a shiver down his spine at the twinkle in her eye as she squeezed his thigh. “C’mon,” she said, pulling them upwards.

He walked dreamily alongside her to the screen door, hardly able to believe his luck. Before she could open it, he stopped her. “Hey. I just wanted to say…thanks. For giving me another chance.”

“It’s your last one,” she told him, kind but certain. “So use it well.”

“I will. I promise.”

#hp #harry potter #fanfic #hp fanfic #jily #james potter #lily evans #james/lily #james potter/lily evans #sirius black #marlene mckinnon #mary macdonald #remus lupin #peter pettigrew

142 notes · View notes

snapefiction · 4 years

Text

#7. Ice Skating - Snapemas Challenge

A/N: Day 7 of #Snapemas! Enjoy! :)

Idea from @deepperplexity ´s Writing Challenge ! Check her Writings and the other Snapemas posts out! :)

❤️ Please remember that English isn’t my native language and that my Writings will include Mistakes and maybe weird formed sentences. ❤️

Pairing: Severus Snape x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, Mentions of Bullying

Word count: 1689

Y/N - Your Name

#7. Ice Skating or Christmas Card Pt. 2

As Severus walked to the Slytherin Table on the first day after the Holidays he couldn’t wait what this day would bring him. The whole Holidays long he was thinking about that someone who sent him a Christmas Card. Would he find out who it was this year? Or would he always remain wondering about it? He wasn’t sure yet. All he knew was that he was really hungry and had to finally grab one of these croissants he loved so much.

The Breakfast was the best one he had in a while. Back at home he was just living from eating Toasts and sometimes noodles but that’s it. He just really got used to Hogwarts great kitchen. With a full stomach he left the great hall quickly but his Bullies were close to his Feet. ,,Snivellus!“ Potter, that idiot Potter, why couldn’t he just shut up for once? He decided to keep walking. ,,Snape! We are trying to talk to you!“ Peter now yelled trying to prove his courage but instead he just proved that his head consisted out of pure eagerness to crawl up Potter´s Butt. But when he something hitting his Head he turned around. Someone had thrown a stone at the back of his head. ,,What the hell do you want?“ Potter, Black and Pettigrew just smiled devilish. ,,What the hell do you want- I’m just a poor guy.“ Black aped. Severus tried to stay calm. He knew too well what they would do to him if he would say anything else. Slowly his feet kept walking backwards trying to back up.

,,Don´t run away, Snivellus. We´re just trying to talk.“ Potter carefully took out his wand and was about to speak a spell as something hinted his head.

,,You fucking idiot! Don’t you dare to raise your fucking wand , Potter.“ Remus Lupin and his little Sister YN were rushing towards them. Again she was there interrupting them. Silently in his thoughts he thanked her for her actions. ,,Lupin, what the fuck? Is she doing this again?“ Remus was shyly looking down on his feet as he walked over to Black. ,,Yes she is.“ YN answered angry and threw another smaller stone at Potter. ,,If I was you i´d try to make things up with Lily before letting your Jealousy taking over again, dumbass. Don’t you think I won’t tell her about this.“

As before the Holidays they ran away again. Severus just stood there trying to understand what had happened. His slender Hand tried to feel if there was a bump on the back of his head under all the black hair. Y/N instead stood there slightly nervously. ,,I hope you had nice Holidays?“ She now pressed. ,,Uh, Sure. Yes.“ He said not thinking much about it.

,,And did you receive my Christmas - my Christmas Card?“ His eyes widened. It was her? Of course it was her! She had defended him before but- why? ,,It was from you?“ His disbelief dripped from his words making her uncomfortable. ,,I- err- yes. I guess.. didn’t you-“ he chuckled and made her nerves relax again. ,,No, well yes. I liked the Card very much. I just wasn’t expecting someone from the Lupin Family ever to send me a Christmas Card.“ Making her laugh as well he noticed her red cheeks. Her Hands covered her mouth while she laughed and her chest trembled. After a small silence appeared the both of them tried to think of something accurate to say only to keep the conversation going. ,,Thank you for- ee- always helping me out.“ She nodded shortly. ,,I hate Potter. So i don’t mind fooling around with him. Also he has no right to do this to you.“ He didn’t knew why but he wanted to spent more time with her. What else does she like and dislike? ,,Can I make it up with you somehow?“ To his surprise she just shrugged her shoulders and began to smile again. ,,Actually, yes. I really wanted to go Ice Skating but my Brother never wants to accompany me and my friends are more into staying inside.“ ,,Of course! Just name a day and time and i´ll be there!“ He would’ve said yes to anything. That’s how curious he was about her. ,,Meet me on Saturday afternoon in front of the great hall!“ She told him as she was already walking away. He didn't notice it at first but putting away his wand his hands were still shaking. Did he just dream this or did this actually happen?

Severus counted every Hour until Saturday arrived. She made him so curious- could she become a true friend of his?

It was a sunny day when he waited in front of there great hall. His Hand were deeply tugged in his Pockets and his freshly washed hair almost hidden in a black, covered in holes beanie. He wish he would’ve brought her something in return. Something small as a thank you for defending him and a thank you for the best Christmas present he could’ve asked for. Before his Thoughts took over him again he saw her running towards him. ,,Let’s go! We need to get there before it gets dark in an hour!“ She grabbed his Arm and began to ran again.

Out of breath the both of you reached the small ice skating area at the edge of Hogsmeade. As he was still trying to breathe normally again she already took out her wand to conjure small fairy lights in the air above them. It was beautiful. He wasn’t sure if he had ever seen something like that before. Behind them, multiple meters maybe even a kilometre away was the town and in front of their view was lighting Hogwarts in its full glory. Fully overwhelmed by the beauty of the environment he almost forgot the beautiful girl in front of him and the fact that he still had to tell her that he had never been ice skating before.

,,It’s really beautiful here.“ She smiled and nodded only to sit down on the snow next to him. ,,I know, just you wait until the sun got down. It will take your breath away.“ With a small Movement she waved her wand at his feet and turned his shoes into ice skates. Instantly he started to tremble. ,,Oh- uh- Y/N- there’s something I need to tell you!“ His Arms waggled around and he tried his best not to fall down. ,,Let me guess-“ She took his hand as she slowly slid over the ice with her ice skates. ,,You never went ice skating before, did you?“ His Movements were enough for her to notice that an answer wasn’t needed. ,,It’s like— I don’t know- like walking but not lifting your legs.“

You watched him clinging on your hand. Severus was slightly overwhelmed so you decided to help him. ,,Take my other Hand as well and trust me.“ His eyes widened in fear. ,,That’s easy to say. Whenever you are around I have to fear for my life!“ His voice was pitched and his cheeks blushed. ,,Trust me.“ Laughing you guided him. It was almost like you were doing all the work but as you looked to your feet you could see how he was carefully doing mini steps, moving along, copying yours. ,,Yes, like that. That’s perfect!“ Looking up again you saw directly in his dark eyes. His Lips were slightly parted. Were his Lips always as pink as they were now or did your mind played tricks on you? A small trembling on the ice made you remember that you were still ice skating backwards. ,,Why- Why did you help me?“ Letting go of one of his hands so he could try to take more responsibility for his feet you already missed his touch. ,,I- um- Isn’t it quiet obvious?“ You swallowed a small lump. ,,I can’t stand my brothers friends and I can stand .. you.“ Nervously you chuckled again. His silence wasn’t meaning approvement nor the opposite. ,,I know this is very straightforward but I thought it all Christmas long and it won’t slip out off my mind.“ As you dared to look up again he smiled down to you. ,,But you don’t even know me?“ His heart beat faster than usual. The fact that the someone he was wondering about was thinking about him as well was just crazy. ,,I’d be a very happy Man if you’d be my um- my date to the Hogsmeade Trip next week.“ Surprised by his own words he took a deep breath and looked again back at you. He liked looking at you holding his hand blushing like he was. ,,Yes, i´d love that.“

,,Great.“

,,Great.“ Chuckling you spent the rest of the afternoon sliding around. You showed him your best tricks and he would clap as loud as he could to cheer for you. As you could hear the loud bells of hogwarts ringing to announce the evening you left the ice but kept holding his hand. Everything seemed to freeze but your hand was so warm i´d last to heat your whole body up. Your feet slowly made its way put to the Castle.

,,Thank you for joining me.“ You stated as soon as you reached the spot where you picked him up several hours prior.

,,Thank you for - uh- asking me out.“ Again made his words or just his nervously sillyness him laugh. That special feeling he had gotten since he met you didn’t fade away but grew instantly.

,,I guess, ill be heading to my Bedroom now before Professor Slughorn find out about our little runaway.“ You mumbled before hugging him and pressing a small kiss on his cheeks. Surprised he was just standing there- like it had happened so often now- overwhelmed by you.

,,I´ll see you tomorrow. Good night!“ As you runned back to your Bedroom he was still trying to proceed the whole day.

She kissed my Cheek! She really kissed my cheek! He wasn’t expecting that anything could beat his Christmas Card but this- oh boy- it did multiple times!

Taglist: @deepperplexity , @monstreviolet , @wow-life-love4

Let me know if you want to be added in my Taglist. :)

#Snapemas #snapemas2020 #severus snape #snape #Severus Snape x reader #severus snape x y/n #snape x reader #snape x y/n #my writing #prosnape #snapefiction

71 notes · View notes

yetanotheremptypage · 3 years

Note

Hi I always love your 100 ways to say I love you fiction. Can I request a high school "it looks good on you" prompt for Kathony?

Hi nonny! Yes, you may. I had to fiddle with ages here, and made them American since that's the school system I'm familiar with, but basically Anthony's a senior (18), Kate and Benedict are juniors (17/16, respectively), and Colin and Edwina are freshmen (14/15, respectively). Also Penelope isn’t Lady Whistledown because in this world she’d be, like, 10.

no escaping your love #12: winter formal (a high school au) (Read 1-11 here.)

#32. It looks good on you.

Kate pulled down the hem of her dress, again. It wasn’t even that short, really, but the last thing she needed tonight was to get dress coded. As if she needed more reasons for Cressida Cowper to laugh at her.

Her and Edwina’s start at Mayfair Academy had been fine, mostly. It was painfully obvious they were on scholarship, what with Kate’s hand-me-down 2010 Nissan a stark contrast to the much fancier, newer models most of their classmates showed up in. The Sheffield-Sharmas’ clothes were from Target and Old Navy instead of Anthropologie and Urban Outfitters, though that hadn’t slowed down Edwina’s popularity or praises of beauty. Edwina had been asked by four boys to homecoming during the freshman frenzy, but they were all too late: Anthony fucking Bridgerton got to her first.

Kate hated Anthony practically on sight. They were in the same English seminar and AP Gov and, as the two most opinionated people in both classes, had quickly become enemies. Kate had also rather liberally stalked the Lady Whistledown Instagram, which spread gossip and rumors around the school like lightning, before starting and she’d gathered that Anthony was quite the heartbreaker. He was captain of the golf team, student body treasurer, on the honor roll, and attractive to boot. His family were well-known property developers and he was already being groomed to take over the company. It was almost guaranteed he would attend one of the Ivies next year.

When she’d befriended Benedict, Anthony’s younger brother, in her art class, she’d accepted the fact that she would have to see more of Anthony than she would like.

But then he’d had the gall to ask her sister, her fifteen year old sister, to homecoming, and she’d seen red. No eighteen year old should be sniffing around a fifteen year old, but Anthony fucking Bridgerton certainly shouldn’t be sniffing around her baby sister.

He’d tried to get on Kate’s good side, too, asking her to dance with him. She’d laughed in his face, but Edwina, the traitor, pushed her to accept. They’d argued, naturally, and she’d landed a good step on his toes. His thing with Edwina had fizzled out rather quickly from there, with him going back to his ex, Siena, but Kate still absolutely despised the fact that her sister’s first date had been with Anthony, of all people. What did he know about treating a girl well?

(He had, though, brought Kate a corsage as well, since she was attending less as a fellow student, dateless, but more as a chaperone for the two of them. No one had ever given her flowers before.)

(And, when Cressida had been mocking a girl in the cafeteria, he’d swept in and gotten Cressida to back off.)

(And, when he’d found Kate under a table in the back of the library just yesterday having a panic attack about her French test, he’d sat under the table with her and helped bring her back down.)

But, as her eyes scanned the room, she certainly wasn’t looking for him. And her heart certainly didn’t speed up when she caught him under the snowflakes at the punch table, speaking to Charlotte Hanover and Simon Bassett, the student council president and vice president, respectively.

And she certainly didn’t lose her breath when he looked up and made eye contact with her from all the way across the room.

She watched him say goodbye to Charlotte and Simon and cross the room to her. He wore a navy suit and a silver tie, looking absolutely take-your-breath-away handsome. She pulled on the hem of her purple dress again, half hoping he would walk right past her and half hoping he wouldn’t.

The latter, more traitorous part of her won, though, as he came to a stop in front of her, smiling in a way that made her feel all warm inside.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi.” She moved her hands up her dress so that she could wipe them on the skirt. When had they gotten so clammy?

“Your dress is lovely.” She froze, hands in awkward fists at her sides.

“Thank you.” That was what politeness dictated, right? He compliments her, she thanks him, she compliments him back. “I like your suit, too. I’m of the firm opinion white men need to stop wearing black ones all the time.” He laughed, fiddling with the knot of his tie.

“It was my dad’s,” he replied softly, and Kate’s breath hitched involuntarily. That was another thing she’d learned about Anthony Bridgerton via Lady Whistledown: his father had died when he was fifteen. Anaphylactic shock. As the eldest of eight, he’d taken on a huge amount of responsibility. It was, the account speculated, why he only played golf, why he wasn’t president himself, et cetera, et cetera. He was a family man at heart, even though he was barely a man himself just yet.

“It looks good on you,” she said, and his smile turned hesitant.

“So does yours. The dress, I mean. You— you look beautiful.”

“A good dress is all it takes,” she said with a wave of her hand, but he shook his head.

“It’s not just the dress. It’s you.”

Suddenly neither of them could look at the other anymore. She spied Benedict and the third Bridgerton brother, Colin, across the room and waved to them, even as Colin waggled his finger between her and Anthony and made a disgusting thrusting move with his hips. She rolled her eyes and turned back to Anthony, who hadn’t moved.

“Do you want to dance?” he blurted. She raised her eyebrows at him.

“Won’t Siena be jealous that her date is dancing with someone else?”

“She’s not— We broke up. For good.” He didn’t seem upset or embarrassed about it at all. “She and I aren’t good for each other.”

We could be a voice in her mind whispered, emboldened by the fact that Anthony offered her his hand. And even though her own hand was clammy and shaky, she took his, and it felt like sparks shot up her arm.

They danced the rest of the night, and Kate had the oddest feeling that she’d never dance with anyone but him (and maybe his brothers) ever again.

#thanks for the request!#kanthony #kate x anthony #bridgerton #no escaping your love #my fics #my ships

12 notes · View notes

mystoriesofthegalaxy · 3 years

Text

Need You Now

(Peggysous Week 2021)

Day 4: song fics; @peggysousweek thanks for hosting!

Summary: Peggy and Daniel are thinking about and missing each other while being separated by many many miles. (Set between Season 1 and 2)

Song: Need You Now by Lady A (listen here, this is my favourite version of the song!)

A/N: This is the first time I am writing a Peggysous fic, which is why I am quite anxious about uploading this, but here it is. I ended up writing something with almost no plot and a lot of yearning oops.

Also, English is not my first language so I apologise for all the mistakes and the misuse of words!

You can read this here on Ao3 as well if you like :)

~*~

Picture perfect memories

Scattered all around the floor

Reaching for the phone cause

I can't fight it anymore.

With a sigh, Peggy ran her hand through her hair and shook her head. It could definitely not go on like this.

Ever since he had left New York, she was behaving so unlike herself that even she found it hard to believe.

And yet here she was, sitting alone in her room, next to the open window, looking outside into the dark street, the shining of the street lamps the only light on that cloudy Friday night.

Daniel Sousa was gone, that was a fact, and instead of feeling miserable she should be moving on and should go on with her life like every sensible human being would do. After all, she should be happy for him, shouldn't she?

It was a big opportunity for him, becoming the chief of the SSR West Coast bureau, and why not take the chance if there was nothing - or no one - holding him back?

She couldn't help but wonder, though, about what could have been, would he not have decided to take the position. Or if she hadn't wrecked it all.

For a second, she closed her eyes, reveling in their shared little memories. All the times Daniel had aped Jack whenever the latter was acting up again, making Peggy chuckle. All the times Daniel had brought her a cup of coffee whenever she had been delving into the huge amount of paperwork that had to be done, that lovely smile of his on his lips when he had placed the cup on her desk.

And then, a certain memory resurfaced, a wonderful memory that was very dear to her and back then had whirled up the feelings in her heart.

It had been the birthday of one of the SRR's agents, and after finishing time most of them had decided to celebrate at a bar. While practically all of the agents had been either playing cards half drunken or playing a drinking game fully drunken, Daniel and Peggy had been sipping their drinks together, sitting slightly away from the others.

The two of them had been talking a lot that evening, sitting close to each other and really getting to know the other. They had talked about their childhoods, he had told her about his three siblings, and she had told him everything she missed about England.

And it had been that evening that Peggy had realised that she may be feeling something more than just friendship for that man in front of her.

But of course she had ruined it all and everything had gone downhill. Why exactly, she couldn't quite tell. Perhaps it had been because of her fear of falling in love again, or because of her fear of losing someone dear to her again. Or perhaps it had been something else, she couldn't quite say.

Her gaze fell upon the phone that was standing on her desk, and for an instance she felt the urge to call him. To hear his voice, to have a conversation like the ones they used to have during their little breaks.

But quickly, she scrapped the idea and put down the receiver she had involuntarily picked up. It was already after ten o'clock in Los Angeles, and he was probably already in bed. And besides, she had already called him once two weeks ago, and once last week, but he hadn't returned any of her calls. For Peggy, this was a clear signal: he had moved on.

She couldn't reproach him, though, that he had decided to move on. After all that had happened...or more precisely not happened. No, she really couldn't have expected him to stay. Daniel Sousa was gone, and she had to get over it.

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.

For me it happens all the time.

But despite her thoughts she couldn't help but wonder if after all, he still may be thinking about her once in a while. Because ever since the day she had come to know that he had accepted the offer, Daniel had never left her mind. Even though she had tried her best to distract herself.

It's a quarter after one.

I'm all alone and I need you now.

He had always taken care of her, and she had taken it for granted and had grown accustomed to it, not appreciating his efforts as she ought to have done. But now that he was gone, she realised how much he had grown on her, how much his absence actually hurt...and how much she actually needed him in her life.

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now.

~*~

Another shot of whiskey

Can't stop looking at the door.

Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.

With a sigh, Daniel rose his glass to his mouth and took another sip. This wasn't exactly how he had imagined himself to be spending his first Friday evening off. But here he was, sitting on a bar stool at the counter, deep in thoughts.

The past few weeks had been very busy, moving to L.A. and taking a new position, a leading position, as chief of the new branch of the SSR, which was why he had barely had time to sit down and catch a breath.

But this had turned out to be a good thing after all, because otherwise he wouldn't have been able to bear the thoughts that he had been pushing aside into the deepest parts of his mind.

He had left New York with mixed feelings three weeks ago. He was excited for the new chapter of his life that was starting, and he was proud that he had been offered such an important position. But there were certain things that he was leaving behind that he really was going to miss. Or more precisely a certain person.

Daniel's gaze had wandered towards the door, watching the people who were occasionally coming in and out the bar. Suddenly, the door swung open and a brunette woman entered the room, walking hand in hand with a tall blonde man who was wearing a hat. As she turned over to her companion, Daniel could see that she was wearing red lipstick and that her nails were painted red as well. The way she was leaning against the counter, laughing while the man was talking, painfully reminded Daniel of that certain someone he had tried his best not to think of.

Oh, how much he wished that it was Peggy who had swept into the room that very moment.

No, he couldn't deny it that she was the one thing he was terribly missing since his move. If there had been a slight possibility, a tiny little chance, that she may be feeling that certain connection he thought he had felt between them, he may have thought twice before taking the job.

But apparently it had been all in his head, apparently he had been hoping for something that just wasn't there.

Maybe Krzeminski had been right after all. No girl was going to trade in a red, white and blue shield for an aluminium crutch, he was never going to be good enough for her. They may have worked good as a team, they may have even been friends, but that was it. Nothing more.

And even though being her friend wasn't bad, he had to admit that it wasn't enough for him. He couldn't just be around her and be her friend, it was impossible. The pain was to much, and he couldn't simply turn off his heart and stop feeling what he felt.

So the only thing left to do was to move on and to forget her. But this was so much easier said than done.

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.

For me it happens all the time.

Two weeks ago, though, she had called. When he had left New York, their demeanour towards each other had been very awkward and uptight, which is why he never would have expected to hear from her again.

And yet she had called the office, two times so far, wanting to speak to him. He had been on the way both of the times, which had spared him the pressure of actually having to pick up the receiver and talk to her.

He hadn't been able to bring himself to call her back yet. Yes, he missed her like crazy, even though he had always tried to disregard those feelings. But would talking to her really change anything? Change the way he felt? And what should he have said to her? Should he just have talked to her like nothing had happened? Like there wasn't a 2.500 mile distance between them?

No, he may be behaving like a coward by not getting in touch with her and not facing her, but it was the only possibility for him.

There was a little comfort for him, though, in knowing that since she had tried to call him, she must have not yet forgotten him completely.

It's a quarter after one.

I'm a little drunk and I need you now.

It was a terrible state he was in, torn between yearning for wanting Peggy in his life, his heart completely having fallen for her and at the same time knowing that if he didn't let go of her, he would be feeling miserable forever. And even though everything inside him was screaming no, he had to forget her and move on.

"Great job so far.", he murmured sarcastically and took the last sip of Whisky. Of course he had ordered the very thing Peggy would have chosen if they had been out together.

Feeling how the Whisky was showing its effect and was starting to addle his brain, he picked up his crutch and stood up. He had had enough for the night. With a last glance at the brunette and her companion, he straightened his shoulders and left the bar, disappearing into the dark.

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now.

#peggysous week 2021 #peggysous #daniel sousa #peggy carter #agent carter #need you now #my stories of peggysous

7 notes · View notes

since0202 · 3 years

Text

Chapter 19: Claim

Warning: Implied Sexual Content

The hunt for Victoria was on.

Now that the Cullens were back and they realized the danger that Victoria still presented, they doubled their efforts of tracking her on their territory. Grace was swamped with finals prep and Sam told her they had it handled for the time being, so she sat out on night rounds for now.

Jake was busy hunting Victoria so he hadn’t stopped by her texted since that afternoon they fell asleep together. She promised herself that as soon as things calmed down, she was going to ask him the questions she needed to: Why did he try to kiss Bella? Was he in love with her? What did that make Grace to him? What did this all mean?

The questions circled her head as she sat in her AP English class. Bella tapped her shoulder with the eraser end of her pencil. Grace looked over and gave her a gentle smile

“Hey, you okay?” Bella asked. Grace nodded and turned back to her notes.

Grace did know that she could just ask Bella about what happened between her and Jake. She would be honest at least and forthcoming. She had Edward so there was no reason to stymy any details. But Grace knew that Bella didn’t feel intensely for Jake, so it wasn’t really her feelings that she needed to clear up. Still, she might as well ask.

Just as she went to raise her hand to answer a question her teacher posed about the significance of the birds in James Joyce’s novel “Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man”, her phone buzzed. Sidetracked now, she flipped it open.

SMS Text— 2:33 p.m.: Paul

Are you ready to talk yet?

I promise I’m cool as a cucumber.

And then there was Paul. Her heart ached every time she thought about him. In any other life, Grace knew she would have readily chosen Paul to be with for the rest of her life. He was so kind and soft and gentle with her. His anger was frightening but never directed at her. She always felt exceedingly safe with him, however, this wasn’t any other life. And being with him meant understanding that something was always going to be missing, no matter what he did. And that wasn’t fair to him.

Grace had asked him to give her some time, what with finals coming up and needing to wrap her head around everything. She also wanted to give him time to cool off as his territorialness over Grace increased once he found out about her and Jake’s afternoon together.

She wrote a hasty reply back saying they’d talk this weekend, in person, and then shut her phone and buried it deep in her bag. Bella had been watching her do this the whole time and Grace looked over to give her a reassuring smile. But worry was painted clear on Bella’s face.

Once the day was over, Grace and Bella walked toward their truck. Relieved that it was finally the weekend and the start of Spring Break, Grace began organizing all of the studying, essays, and projects she needed to do in her head. She had as far as next Wednesday mapped out when Bella slammed the driver side door of the truck and looked over at Grace.

“Hey,” Bella said, her face a little unsure.

“Hey,” Grace said, a little confused.

“Um, so. Would you want to have a sleepover with me and Alice?” As the words tumbled out of her mouth, Bella outwardly cringed.

“We...we sleep in the same room every night. But yes? I guess?” Grace said laughing a little.

“No, I mean, Edward still won’t let me go down to the rez and everyone except Rosalie and Alice are going hunting. And so he asked me to stay the night at his place with Rosalie and Alice just to be safe.” Bella said all of this very quickly. Grace looked at her skeptically for a moment.

“I thought you liked Alice,” she said.

“I do!” Bella said, “I just, I would just feel better if you were there. And I know we haven’t gotten to spend a lot of time together since Edward got back and I--” Bella looked at Grace’s face that was pulled into a broad smile, “Just forget it. It’s stupid.”

“No! No, Bella!” Grace laughed, “It’s just not very….you? I don’t know. Of course I’ll have a sleepover with you. In a vampire coven’s home. On land I’ve been specifically forbidden to enter.”

Bella’s eyes went wide in distress.

“Sounds fun,” Grace concluded.

“Oh god,” Bella said, “If this is gonna get you in trouble with Sam or…..Jake.” Bella again lightly cringed when she said his name, more for Grace’s sake than hers. “Then really. Do not worry about it. I just thought-”

“No, I’m coming.” Grace interjected joyfully. It was true, Sam had told her to never go to the Cullen’s house again. But she wanted to prove once and for all that they posed no threat to them. Sleeping over seemed like a dangerous enough feat that would show that. Plus, if Grace gathered any intel on the vampires, that might be enough consolation for Sam not to totally take her head off.

Or maybe, it was just the old rebellion rising up in her again. She hadn’t felt this need to disobey every order thrown at her since right after her father died. Something in her kept telling her to push harder and harder, just to see how far enough she could go.

Bella gave a small smile and said “Thanks.”

When they got home, they both bolted upstairs to pack a bag, a weird pulsing joy moving through both of them. Grace felt like she was a 6th grader, invited to the popular girl’s party and she didn’t know why. Bella was just thrilled Grace was coming.

When they both tumbled back down the stairs together, arm and arm, and whispering about something they had heard that day, Charlie was just coming through the front door.

“Where do you two think you’re going?” Charlie raised an eyebrow. “Far as I know, you two are still grounded.”

“Dad,” Bella groaned.

“Jessica invited us to a slumber party at her house to kick off spring break,” Grace quickly interjected. She thought mentioning a town girl instead of a rez girl would keep Charlie from double checking a story since he knew of Jessica, but didn’t have enough face time to place her in town.

“Jessica?” Charlie said.

“Yeah, is that okay? We wanted a,” Bella paused, the words making her cringe ever so slightly, “A girl’s night.”

Charlie seemed pleased that this seemingly had nothing to do with Edward.

“Pleeeease, please please please,” Grace feigned begging.

“Alright, alright,” Charlie said. “A slumber party?”

“Yes!” they both said in unison.

“No boys?” Charlie confirmed.

“Dad.”

“No boys allowed!” Grace replied.

“Alright then, have fun.” Charlie said stepping aside and trying to conceal a smile.

“Yessss!” Grace bounded out the door and Bella lagged behind to hug Charlie goodbye.

When they pulled into the driveway of the Cullen house, Grace had to stop herself from admiring the sheer immense beauty of the home in the daylight. The windows glittered in the low light sun still and the trees shimmered in bloom. As they hopped down from the truck, Edward was already down the steps to greet them.

“Grace. Good of you join,” Edward said politely. He wrapped his arm around Bella pulling her into his side and taking her bag.

“Of course. Any chance to hang with some vampires,” Grace said nonchalantly. As they walked through the house and up the stairs, Edward guided them toward the kitchen. When the huge island countertop came into view, Grace gasped at the fanfare of food, party snacks, and candy littering the counter.

“Thought we’d lean into the sleepover theme,” Esme said kindly from behind the counter.

“You didn’t have to go to this much trouble,” Bella breathed. Esme waved a dismissive hand at her and beamed.

“Wow,” Grace breathed. Suddenly Carlisle was beside her taking her bag from her shoulder.

“I’ll place this up in the guest room for you. Good to see you, Grace,” Carlisle nodded.

“Likewise,” Grace said sincerely back. Something about Carlisle’s calm demeanor and sincere stare put Grace at ease.

He was back in a flash and then nodded to the others, “Ready? We should get going if we’re going to make it by nightfall.” The others agreed and said their goodbyes to their partners. Edward held onto Bella for just a little bit longer than anyone else and then quickly departed leaving Alice, Grace, and Bella in the kitchen.

“Rosalie’s just running a quick errand, she’ll be back,” Alice said. “Okay, so what first! Nails? Face masks? Hair braids?” Alice was clapping her hands together on every suggestion. Bella’s anxiety climbed more and more and Grace’s eyes grew bigger and bigger with glee at each suggestion.

When Rosalie entered the converted dining room that Alice had made into a very high end blanket force with gauzy curtains, colorful pouf pillows, and lush faux fur blankets, she was surprised to see everyone on the floor in some state of disarray. Sleepless in Seattle played on the too big TV above the fireplace. Grace was pulling on Red Vines and clasping a magazine in her hand, staring at it seriously, with mashed avocado smeared across her face. Bella, also clad in green avocado, had an intricate braid winding over her most of her head that Alice had perfected and placed flowers throughout and was taking bites of pretzels and popcorn while tracing her pencil over a crossword puzzle. She intermittently answered Grace’s questions while Alice bounded from the tent and back again with another concoction from the kitchen to now slather over Grace’s free hand.

“When you’re alone, what’s your favorite activity to do together? A) Gaze adoringly into each other’s eyes in a field of flowers….Bit specific.” Grace said in between bites of her Red Vine, “B) Do some dare devil defying feat. C) Go out to eat followed by a late night movie. Or D) Go to a party and get silly.”

“What are you three doing?” Rosalie said a little surprised, with wonder filling her face.

“We’re trying to figure out how old Edward is based on their relationship traits with this Cosmo quiz,” Grace replied, her eyes still focused intensely on the page in front of her.

“Oh.” Rosalie said looking around the room, “You should really condition your hair with egg whites.” She suggested as she saw Alice rubbing coconut oil through Grace’s hair.

“Is this a way for you to get to crack eggs on my head or something?” Grace asked as Bella tried to conceal a laugh.

“No! It’s just an old trick I remember from my time,” Rosalie said matter-of-factly, “Here I’ll show you.” She strode over to the refrigerator and started gently separating eggs in a bowl.

“Answer the question, Bella,” Alice prompted. Bella snapped back to attention.

“Ummm, A I guess?” She replied with an embarrassed smile.”

“Yeah, we all knew it was A, no need to fret,” Grace said pressing on. Rosalie settled behind Grace expertly draping a towel over her shoulders with a satisfied smile on her face before expertly applying the whisked egg whites.

The night pressed on with too much food, rinsing their hair in the sink and having to advise on temperature to two people who couldn’t perceive temperature, and quoting Roman Holiday. Bella fell asleep just after midnight and Alice carried her up to Edward’s room that was repurposed into a guest room.

When Grace turned in for the night, she heard her phone beep.

SMS Text—12:32 a.m.: Paul

Meet me at my place and I won’t tell Sam where you are right now. ;)

Grace let out a surprised laugh. She expected someone to eventually figure out where she was but the cheeky jibe from Paul was unexpected.

SMS Text—12:33 a.m.: Grace

Are you threatening me, Paul Lahote?

SMS Text—12:33 a.m.: Paul

Come and find out, Spirit Bird.

Grace was definitely intrigued. Maybe it was the expert styling of her hair from Rosalie or the glow from her avocado face mask, or the fact that she hadn’t heard from Jacob in days and she was starting to think he regretted it. Whatever it was, she gathered her coat and made her way out to the forest. Rosalie gave her a confused look as she passed the living room but didn’t try to stop her.

She jogged the short mile and a half to the rez border and once she crossed onto her territory, she quickly recast and landed in front of Paul’s quaint home. It was a tiny little one bedroom with a wrap around porch and modest kitchen. He didn’t spend much time there, but Grace had been there once or twice before when he swung by to grab something before taking her home. She skipped up the porch steps and before she could even knock on the door, he pulled it open. Shirtless as always, he smiled and nodded his head over his shoulder to beckon her inside. She gladly ducked inside.

Grace didn’t exactly know why she came. She thought about making amends, talking about what happened like he had asked, but when she turned to look toward Paul after walking across the short length of her living room, it didn’t really seem like he was all too concerned with betrayal anymore. He looked her up and down appreciatively, taking his time to take her all in. The old fire rose in Grace once again and she smiled warmly at him. While the ache of that familiar absence remained where she knew Jake fit, she was able to keep it quiet, just for now.

“So do you always text girls past midnight who happen to be hanging out with low risk vampires?” Grace said nonchalantly.

“I guess, at least I do when the girl looks as good as you,” Paul said seriously. Grace blushed.

“So you’re not mad? Don’t want to yell at me about betraying the pack and all that?” Grace pressed.

“Not if you don’t want me too,” Paul said, crossing his arms over his broad chest. Grace shook her head no. “Good, then I won’t and we can do something better instead.”

“Better?”

“Better.” he looked at her trying to figure out something before he said, “I’m tired of this back and forth. Who chooses who and all that. So, I’m laying claim.”

“What do you mean?” Grace said, her heart starting to beat faster. She felt like she was on the precipice of something that she might not be able to come back from. Paul crossed the small room in three quick strides and scooped her up, pulling her legs to wrap around his lower torso and holding onto her back before saying in the softest voice Grace could ever imagine he was capable of:

“I’m calling you mine.” With that, he pressed his lips firmly to hers, his breath hot and wanting as he parted his lips and ran his tongue across hers. Grace responded easily, allowing the feeling of warmth to crash through her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her.

He easily steered them down the narrow hallway back toward his room without breaking the kiss. He was keen on keeping hands on her at all times. When he sat down on the bed, she perched in his lap, kneeling over him as he kissed her neck softly, running his hands gently down her sides before deftly pulling at her shirt. She obliged and slowly peeled off the soft t-shirt as he pressed his lips to her collarbone and shoulders, pulling one bra strap down gently with his index finger to gain full access to her shoulder.

Grace shivered at his touch and let her hands roam down his neck to his chest and arms. He captured her gaze and stopped for a moment, searching her eyes lovingly before placing a hand behind her head and pulling her to him for a deeper kiss. With his other hand, he quickly unsnapped her bra and Grace let it slip from her arms and tossed it aside before pressing her chest to his. He let out a soft groan as their bodies connected and placed both of his hands on her naked back, pressing her roughly to him for a moment before swinging her around to lay flat on the bed.

He kneeled over her now, leaning up to stare at her for just a minute before kissing down her neck and chest, his hands making quick work of her jean button. He shimmied her out of her jeans and quickly discarded his own shorts before gently sliding her underwear down her legs, kissing at her thigh and calf as he went.

Grace let small gasps of breath escape, allowing herself to relax into this feeling with him. Whatever voice in her that was telling her no, she had stopped listening and the voice had grown quiet. When he finally slipped out of his boxer shorts and hovered over her, Grace opening to him and looping her hands confidently behind his head, he stopped for a moment once more.

His eyes poured into hers and Grace felt intensely loved, more than she had felt in her entire life. The fact that a singular human would look at her like that made her whole lower body tremble.

“Grace Alo, you are the most beautiful, mysterious, and frustrating woman I’ve ever met,” Paul said, heady breaths flowing across Grace’s face. She felt intoxicated by them. He paused again brushing his lips to hers and Grace arched her hips instinctively. He pulled away and leaned back for a moment to take his whole face in and said, “Promise me that you’re mine.”

Grace looked up at him and cupped both hands to his face before whispering, “I promise.” He gave her another achingly sweet smile before pushing forward, resulting in Grace gasping and clutching tightly around his neck in wanting rhythm.

#twilight #twilightfanfiction #jacobblackxoc #paul lahote #edward cullen #bella swan #alice cullen #rosalie cullen #eclipse #new moon #twilightfanfic #the cullens #the pack

19 notes · View notes

emerald-studies · 4 years

Text

Racism in Education

June 27, 2020

Day 6 of 7

[ These are just some thoughts I have in my head about this topic, it isn’t meant to be a purely academic discussion. It’s meant to be a conversation to learn about another perspective. ]

—-

Ok this will be my most challenging post. This is a long read but I’d appreciate you reading it all because I’ve been doing free emotional labor for almost a month and if you want to be an ally, that means learning from other perspectives. So please read. This drained me so much to write, please make it worth it.

You have the time, please read.

As I stated in my intro, I moved from a very conservative State (I don’t even want to say the State because I hate it so much.) to Washington State. I moved after graduating online school a year ago.

Growing up in that State I was almost always the only Black girl in my class. For my whole educational career. I hated when we would discuss the civil rights movement because I could feel my White peers staring at me, like I was the face of my race.

It was junior year that broke me.

I began the year optimistic. I always did, even though I had experienced racism before each year, pushing me to move to 4 different schools in 4 years.

I moved to a school in a rural area with a lot of mormons and maybe 5 Black people in the whole, huge school.

It was in September that my mental health plummeted. I don’t know why. I guess I was overwhelmed. I was in an AP US History class and there was work over the summer that everyone else did, but I didn’t. I had just gotten there, after all. I didn’t have the textbook. That class was such a heavy workload that we were having a quiz every other day, 1 test a week, and I was trying to study for a test that my peers had months to study for, and already took.

I attempted to take my life, but I knew I didn’t really mean it. I’ll be honest about that. I just wanted everything to stop so I could catch my breath.

I went to the ER on a Thursday night. My Mom drove me.

We sat in the ER for a little bit and then I was taken to a little room where a nurse came to talk to me. BTW I have never had a good interaction with a nurse.

This nurse came in and basically shamed me.

“You’re so young. You have your whole life ahead of you. You don’t need to do this to yourself.”

Yeah, no shit. I thought about that every day. My grades, getting into college, getting into law school.... that’s the point. I was overwhelmed.

She suggested that I punch a pillow if I “Got upset” because that’s what her daughter does.

Fuck off.

The Doctor came in and he gave me butterfly bandages and he was so much more understanding, shockingly. (I’ve shadowed Surgeons and Doctors and they can be a little abrasive).

I liked that the Doctor fixed me up. I liked having this wrap around my wrist. I felt like I could move on. Like I let something out.

The Doctor asked if I needed to stay at this place that dealt with cases like mine.

I said,

“No.”

I couldn’t have that on my record for what I want to do. So, I went home.

I took the Friday off and my Mom visited the school to let them know what happened. I was already preparing for pity.

I had to come in on Monday to set up a 504 (students with disabilities act) for depression. I don’t think I had depression, but whatever. I dropped out of AP US History.

They made accommodations for me: more time on tests, working in the library, more time on assignments, etc.

I want you to know that I did not touch those accommodations for 5 months.

I knew I didn’t need them. I maintained a 3.8 GPA.

I sat in a room with all 8 of my teachers (we had a block schedule 4 classes per day alternating), seeing all of them look at me with disgusting levels of pity.

They each talked to me in private saying things like,

“If you ever need anything, let me know.”

“I’m here for you.”

“You matter.”

I thought,

“Hm ok, that’s nice.”.

I went on for months without using my accommodations and practically wooping my “normal” classmates in intellectual discussions.

But then the casual racism I experienced was escalating.

First, in the beginning of the year, my AP US History teacher put his hand on my head and said to a student,

“If you really believe that, Faith would be a slave right now.”

(I don’t remember what the hell we were even talking about)

Then I got little questions/comments like,

“Why do you dress White?”

“Cracker is just as offensive as the n-word”

But now we were going into Black History Month. My new history teacher was an old White Man and we were talking about the civil rights movement, while in English we were reading “Black Like Me” with my blonde, Female, millennial teacher.

I nailed everything in the civil rights movement discussions. The teacher loved me. I nailed the conversations about “Black Like Me”.

But....I don’t know. The environment got really toxic. There was more racism, gaslighting, slurs. Every. single. day. It could break anyone.

I would be on the brink of tears in class every day.

Guess who didn’t notice?

All 8 of those concerned teachers.

They don’t give a shit.

My grades were still pretty good, but I started working in the library. I couldn't be around all of those racist peers.

While in the library, my counselor would come in and interrogate me.

“How long have you been in here?”

“Have you tried, really tried to go to class?”

Of course I tried! I felt like I wanted to be dead and so I left. That’s what the 504 Plan was for. Again, I hadn’t touched my accommodations for months so I thought maybe these grown adults would use their tiny brains and think,

“Huh maybe she needs help.”

But no.

I would go to the counselor almost every day and say

“I’m not doing well.”

And she’d ask,

“What does that mean?”

Ok...so I have to tell this Woman that I feel like dying but not at my own hand? Because she can’t use social cues and read my face stained with tears?

I couldn’t say anything.

She said,

“What can we do to keep you going here?”

I said,

“I don’t know”

Because that’s not my job.

Then it happened.

My history teacher was talking about affirmative action.

He said,

“If I worked at a bank for 30 years and went to work at another bank, FAITH would get a job over me because she’s a BLACK WOMAN. Do you get that? She covers TWO minorities!”

He said this while pointing his wrinkled finger in my face.

None of my peers said anything.

I replied with,

“Well, what are my qualifications?”

He ignored me.

He went on a rant teaching his opinions, not facts. So I wrote down what he said on sticky notes.

I called my Mom at break and asked her

“Is that racist? Do I do anything?”

I was so desensitized to racism I couldn’t tell anymore.

My White Mom, my awesome Mom said,

“YES.”

I went to the Vice Principal and reported the teacher and gave her the sticky notes.

The next day we got an email from the principle saying that the teacher said, he never said anything about me.

So I was a liar?

To get evidence, I recorded the whole next class. I was scared every minute that he would find out.

He didn’t. And he said more awful things.

I had concrete proof.

We told the Principal and he ignored me. My Mom emailed the superintendent (very high up person in the school district) and oh now he responds?

They basically said,

“We gave him a warning, he won’t do it again.”

Ok so he just will hide his racism now. Just remember, teachers legally aren’t allowed to teach their opinion. The Supreme Court deemed it unconstitutional to teach opinions.

I was still required to go to this racist Man’s class. I still answered every question he posed to the class and he recognized my intelligence.

So WHY?

WHY me?

The whole year he loved having me as a student and then....that?

Moving on to my English class.

We had to do a cultural experience trip and so my acquaintance and I went to the Black History Museum. Because I’m Nigerian-American. I do identify as Black though because everyone assumes it anyways, but I wanted to learn more about the history in my city.

We were required to make presentations talking about the experience we had. I decided to add a little twist.

I made a whole slide in my slideshow dedicated to every racist thing said to me in that class.

The slide was met with laughter because racism is just so funny.

My teacher said nothing.

So I, the student, the minor in the room, had to say,

“I see you laughing but this is why I’m leaving this school. This is serious.”

Nothing from my teacher.

Cut to maybe a week later and I was done. I was sitting in my English class about to burst. My acquaintance asked me,

“Are you doing ok?”

I replied,

“No. Absolutely not.”

A classmate checked in on me, while all my 8 teachers who actually knew about my attempt on my life didn’t.

We went outside and I decided to leave the school that day. Three weeks before summer break. I couldn’t be in either class anymore. I felt my brain rotting from being exposed to the absolute shit that those students/teachers would spew, every day.

I lost my 3.8 GPA

I lost my credits for the semester.

The racist teacher is still working.

I had to go online.

It happened again.

Another racist history teacher.

Wasn’t removed.

I graduated with a lower GPA.

Didn’t apply to my dream school.

I have the trauma seared into my brain. I’m terrified of taking another history class. Terrified.

Ok, that’s it. If you made it this far, thank you. It took me awhile to write this. I hope this gave you another perspective.

So.... discussion time.

Let me know what you think here

I’d like to hear from you since I delved into my trauma.

I don’t think I’ll ever tell this story again, it makes me sick and tired. But I’ll answer questions/asks.

If you have a lot of White guilt and wanna do something, you could donate some reparations to my venmo lol:

@faithrebecca1397 (last 4 digits are 4809)

or paypal

http://www.paypal.me/faithrebecca1397

Edit: People are asking me if they can reblog this. YES PLEASE REBLOG. It’s important to let people know that all types of racism are alive and well.

#blm #black lives matter #education #academia #black women matter #discussion #racism #history #mental health

168 notes · View notes

outerbankspreferences · 4 years

Text

Goodbye Town - Pope Heyward

Warnings: Underage drinking, drugs

Word Count: 2355

A/N: This is based off my favorite song. I thought about writing with JJ but I think it works better this way.

Right there's the high school where we met

We'd sneak out back for a couple kisses and a cigarette

And that parking lot was our first date

And her momma slammed the door when I dropped her off too late

At one point in time, if you asked Pope Heyward who he loved his answer would be Kiara Carrera. He thought the sun set and rose just for her everyday. That was until he met Y/N Y/L/N. He never expected to like anyone beside Kie. Maybe Kiara was out of his league and had a thing for his other friends, but he didn’t care until that day. It was raining outside, he was in class, geometry to specific. His AP class to give him extra credits towards college. When the teacher introduced her, she said her name wrong, but the girl was to polite to say anything. She sat three seats behind him, her yellow backpack hanging off the back of her chair. He knew from that moment on he was in for it. He saw her around school, and talking to other people and finally he saw her talking to his friend John B. His heart dropped knowing he could never compete with someone like him. He thought he lost all chances until he introduced the two of them.

“Hey guys, this is Y/N, she just started in my art class.” John B introduced the blonde girl to everyone. She smiled, with a small blush.

“Are we still skipping last period to go surfing?” Kiara asked the brunette. They had been talking about it all day in the group chat. Something about the waves being supreme for surfing. Pope wanted to go but knew he would get in trouble for ditching again, plus last period was with Y/N and he wasn’t missing that.

Everyone was having their own conversation, while Pope was trying to finish geometry homework from the night before. He had finished JJ’s English assignment knowing he wouldn’t do it. He was lost in his math problems when she spoke to him. “Is that the homework from last night? Man, that was hard, what did you get for question 12?” Pope had to double take. Is she talking to him? “Yeah it-t is. Uh, I got the angle being 43.” “Oh, really how’d you get that I got the angle being 36.” He didn’t know where he got the confidence from but out of no where he spoke up. “I can show you after school if you want, these losers are going to be surfing for a while, and I’m going to need something to do.” She smiled at him. “Of course, that would be great why not by the bench outside, after class?” The rest was history.

They met there all the time, and Pope fell harder and harder for the blonde hair girl. She would smoke a joint, and he would help her with the math. Sometimes she would draw. She was an amazing artist. Always talked about leaving and going west to LA. A pipe dreamed she called it. One day when the sun was setting and they were running late, Pope took a chance and kissed her. It was quick just a few seconds, but she smiled, and kissed him back. He walked her home that night. It was the first time he had ever seen were she lived. He mom was at the door waiting. “I’m sorry for what’s about to happened”, and before he could respond her mom was hollering about how she was running late. Slamming the door in Pope’s face when he tried to take the blame for what happened.

She's gone

Chasing that highway wind

She's gone

She ain't coming back again

This ain't nothing

Nothing but a goodbye town

These streets are only bringing me down

Gotta find a way to finally get out

Out of this goodbye town

As Pope was packing up his things for college, he found her sweater. It was just a little over two months ago when she left. He missed her so much. The way she always smelled like lavender and a hint of weed. They way she was so carefree, something he need to be more of. He was proud of himself for getting into UNC, he didn’t think it would actually happen. He applied for a ton of scholarships and with finical aid it wouldn’t be so bad. He got a job at a restaurant on the mainland. A friend of his dads. He put your sweater in the box of things he still had of yours. Scrunchies, a few bracelets, one of your old sketch books. These things that made his heart hurt, like a hurt he’s never felt. He wonder if you made it out west in the beat up car JJ helped fix for you. When he looked through the sketch book you left at his house and found pictures of buildings around town. Nothing but a goodbye town, he thought.

We sat down on those courthouse steps

Fourth of July those fireworks over our heads

And they'd ring the bells of that little church

No there ain't nowhere I can look that doesn't hurt

She's gone

But I still feel her on my skin

She's gone

But she ain't coming back again

This ain't nothing

Nothing but a goodbye town

These streets are only bringing me down

Gotta find a way to finally get out

Out of this goodbye town

Looking through your sketch book he found one of the courthouse. It was your second fourth of July on the island, the first one you spent not knowing anyone. He smiled thinking back to that day, it was perfect. You guys had spent the night at John B’s place. You lied to your mom saying you were sleeping at Kiara so she wouldn’t get mad. There was a party at the boneyard the night before, and he wanted you to go. When you guys woke up in the morning you were wrapped up in his arms asleep on the couch. He was always the early riser, while you loved to sleep in. He treasured these moments. The way you eyelids flutter from the dream you were having to the small sounds escaping your lips from breathing. Once everyone got around for the day, John B and JJ suggested you go into town and watch the fireworks. It was cold and you forgot you sweater so Pope gave you his.

Watching the fireworks was memorizing to you. You loved all the colours that came from them. Sometimes they would be to loud and you would cover your ears. You split a smoke with JJ before leaving, he claimed it would enhance the experience. It just made them way too loud. Sometimes Pope still feels your breath on his skin. It wasn’t been long since you left but he was regretting everything about this goodbye town.

I can't erase the memories And I can't burn the whole place down No this ain't nothing Nothing but a goodbye town To hell if I'm sticking around Gotta find a way to finally get out Out of this goodbye town Oh yeah Out of this goodbye town I'm out of this town So out of this town Oh oh oh oh oh...

Pope didn’t know if he wanted to remember all the good times you guys had together. He didn’t want to feel the pain anymore. He kept looking back on the day he left you crying in your driveway. The day you guys called it quits. He couldn’t believe he just walked away

~Flashback~

It was the end of the school year, and you guys were getting ready for graduation. Some how you all made it through. JJ finishing with barely enough credits, but with Y/N and Pope’s help they got him through. It was the night after prom, you begged Pope to go with you. Claiming you guys only got one prom and you wanted to spend it with him. He could never say no your pout, it was like magic. So he got all dressed up in tux he borrowed from your brother and you wore a beautiful green dress that Kiara let you borrow. It was magic. You both were going to UNC, of course you were little disappointed, it wasn’t your first choice. You applied for an art school out west but got waitlisted. Of course you were happy to go to them same college as you boyfriend. You guys looked at apartments together, and you even got a job at a local bar. It was a dream come true.

That was until the morning of gradation, your mom stopped to pick the mail up on her way home from your hair appointment. You were causally looking through the bills when you saw it. Your heart stopped, this was the letter you had been waiting for. You ripped it open and started reading, “we would like to congratulate you on your acceptance to the Otis College of Art and Design. You’ve been accepted into this years fall term.” You were freaking out. The first person you wanted to tell was Pope, but that’s when you remembered all the plans you guys made. He couldn’t be mad, could he? He knew this was your dream. When you got to your house he was there waiting for you. His smile made your heart drop. “How can I tell him mom? We made plans, I love him, but this is my dream.” You asked your mom. She looked at you sympathetically. “I know you love him Y/N, but never let a boy stop you from chasing your dreams. Just because you made plans with him, does not mean you have to give up your dreams for his.” She was right, you loved Pope and he will always be your first love but you couldn’t live your life wondering what would have happened if you never left.

Pope opening the door startled you. “Hey I’ve got our gowns and caps. Kie wants us to do pictures at her house, something about it looking nice in her garden. Everyone is meeting there, so go get your dress on.” He looked up at you. He could tell something was off. He knew you like the back of his hand. “What’s wrong Y/N/N?” that’s when he saw the letter. He recognized the LOGO from one of your art books. “Is that a letter from the art school out west? Y/N did you get in?” You could hear the fear in his voice and couldn’t blame him. He knew what was coming. You both did, but nether of you wanted to admit it. “Uh,-yeah-yeah it is. I got accepted. Someone must have dropped out. Crazy right? The school year wasn’t even started yet.” You looked at him and the look in his eyes killed you. “So what, are you going to go? I mean what about us? We made plans Y/N.” “I know that Pope, you don’t think I know that. This is a big deal for me! You know how bad I wanted this. We can make this work, we can do the long distance. No it would be easy, but I don’t want to lose you.” You pleaded with him as he turned away from you. He was so angry with you, changing the plans the two of you made. “No, I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone I don’t get to see. I want you to stay Y/N. It’ selfish of me but I need you here with me.” You couldn’t believe what he was saying to you. “Do you really want me to chose between you and my dream college. Don’t make me do that Pope. Please.” You had tears running down your face at this point. Not caring about your makeup. “Yes, I want you to choose—“Then I choose college.” You said it so fast you didn’t have time to take the words back. He looked at you with anger in his eyes. You’d never seen him mad like this before, of course you guys had disagreements but nothing like this. “Fine then.” And with that the love of your life walked away. Even with you screaming for him to comeback. He didn’t. It broke him, but he knew if he turned around that you would stay with him. And he couldn’t be the one to keep you from chasing your dreams.

~Flashback over~

Pope didn’t like to regret things. He stopped by your house a couple days later, but your mom said that you already moved. Deciding on spend the summer in LA with your aunt to get to know the place better. He knew that was a lie. He knew you left because you could stand to see him. He walked around the town all summer seeing all the places you guys would hang out. The Pouges tried their best to keep his mind off things, as well as his parents. His dad offered to move him to the mainland early, but Pope wasn’t ready yet. JJ agreed to move to the mainland with him, getting a job and going to the community college near the university. It was the small gesture Pope appreciate from his friend. Pope was putting the last of his boxes in the truck, JJ had already moved over a week before starting work. He was finally ready to leave. Leave all the memories the two of you had behind. It was done and, in the past, but he couldn’t help but think about you smoking by the school doing homework. He was ready to leave this goodbye town.

You'll be just a memory in the back of my mind You'll be just a memory yeah Oh, somewhere in the back of my mind In the back of my mind, yeah One day you're gonna look back at what we had You're gonna think of me You're gonna think of me When I'm long gone I'll be long gone

youtube

27 notes · View notes

haknew · 3 years

Note

pls talk about your thoughts about chanhee and also the other concepts!! I always have such a hard time interpreting music and videos but i love to read about it

“bestie pls share ur thoughts on make your own concepts specifically chanhee’s but any others that are ur fave too 🎤- mar”

omg mar thank you for enabling me all day today 😭🥺🧡 thenks bestie ily :,)) and thank you too anon ! i should preface that T-T i have not read any other theories or analyses so these are just my opinions / impressions but i hope it’s entertaining to read about haha :p ! (feel free @ anyone to add on or share your thoughts too ! :,))

HYUNJAE - okay so audio cues... if you listen to the beginning there’s a sound of a bomb going off before the music starts ? and that ties into the dystopian / cyborg aesthetics that jump out at me of course, but what i immediately thought of was their no air perfo ? like we know hyunjae in the no air mv got that shot where he’s laying in the bathtub filled with water but also their kingdom performance with it also had those underwater shots ! so i think it ties into that... i feel like we saw in gen z, he’s a very straightforward person he says things on his mind which can come off as blunt but he thinks it’s better than not saying it ? which is interesting bc i think that speaks to his self- determined personality, he’s much more inclined to do whatever it takes to get something done, which i think falls perfectly in line with the “make your own air” phrase that he gets, if it’s something he needs he makes it himself, in a situational sense methinks u.u

JUYEON - JUYEON’S DJSKHDG i’m waiting for dri’s essay but in essence we see the gen z “juyeon is not such a good boy” shot and these text bubbles that pop up that say “sexy” “you so hot” “such a bad boy” and tbh i like this ‘concept’ ? for him better than his gen z one ? it’s not bc of the concept itself but i like the idea that he can “make your own character” as in he has the capability and power to be whoever he wants to ! you see him throwing white paint at the gen z canvas and i think ?! that’s symbolic of like a fresh canvas ! of remaking himself to whatever he wants bc the canvas is now blank again thanks to the white paint and flowers usually indicate spring ? so renewal and stuff like that ! i really like his, it’s also fun word play on “character” which has been juyeon’s intro in tbz (bc his name sounds like main character in korean) but yea :o ! i really love his the idea he can just repaint / paint over a literal image of him gives it the possibility of becoming smth new and that’s so so cool

CHANGMIN - SCREEEEECH okie um oh boy um *windows shutting down noises* this was so so so very different from his gen z stuff but i actually think BOTH are equally perfect for him ? the way that he set up the sparklers and neon lights on this very obviously trashy and kind of rundown rooftop with the cityline behind him is so ?!?!? LITERALLY making his own stage as his tagline goes, sort of like how the physical stage itself does not matter but rather it’s changmin himself that makes the stage special ! i talked about this in gabi’s set that i rbed ;-;/ but changmin puts a lot A LOT of stake in his position as a dancer it means almost everything to him as a form of expression from what i can see ? so he’s always trying his best to put forward the best performance possible and seeing this segment makes me feel like he’s doing just that ! pouring himself into it to make his stage pls i care him

HAKNYEON - god i’m a jusadan but just u.u rest in peace me, i’ll ... T_T be kind of honest this one confuses me a little ? i have assumptions and i feel like i know ... quite a bit about haknyeon (LMAO) my best guess is it has smth to do with self assurance ...? the way he’s framed and the fact that he’s sitting on a bed in the middle of a church surrounded by candles gives me christ figure symbolism (where my ap english takers at :/) and the light that perfectly frames him in a halo gives me angel vibes too, but the tagline of “make your own romance” paired with him kissing his reflection makes me think it’s about self love ;;;; from what i can tell haknyeon has always been someone who really likes feeling validated and praised for the stuff he does well, which he does for himself a lot of the times too ! but sometimes i think the self assurances he compliments himself with is more for reassuring himself rather than bragging (which i think people misinterpret) so it’s more about becoming the person he wants to fully love and being happie with himself which *tears* i might be reading too much into who knows i just love him ok ... U.U

KEBINNN - i know !!! dri mentioned this in my gifset tags but ! kev on kpop daebak (? was it) or smth mentioned how he strives to keep a childlike wonderment for the world around him, which is a reason why i think he loves drawing and sound / music production, he talked in a fancafe post once about an artist who turned mediocre everyday objects into art and he said he really loves that sense of wonderment so peter pan who “never grows up” is actually perfect for his worldview ahhhh T^T also kev really likes disney lmao, the way he’s doing this outside in this “neverland” garden on a balcony which is a part of this very typical apartment backed by a typical city bg also i believe ties into this turning a mediocre everyday thing into smth wonderful through his sense of childlike wonderment and his tagline of “make your own fantasy” (i also care him a lot this concept >>>>>>) and keeps to his referencing movie plotlines like he did in gen z jddkfj

SUNWOO - i also mentioned this in my tags on sunu’s set but this gives me 100 degrees vibes which i still to this day think is one of the most “sunwoo” vibe things ever, it’s a lot of him having fun and doing his own thing, and mixes both more mature and youthful aspects together in a way that i’d only ever describe as sunwoo vibes LMAO like the roller skating around and all the soap bubbles ! cute and youthful ! the crop top and celine wasitband (don’t laugh at me we all noticed) more mature and a callback to his gen z look methinks U.u, think sunwoo has always been a more go-with-the-flow or do whatever he feels like doing sort of person and so “make your own vibe” fits well with him in that sense to me

SANGYEON - .... *silence* *more windows shutting down noises* *jess.exe has stopped working* OKAY i feel like ! sangyeon’s is also more self explanatory :p i love the juxtaposition of boxing AND the arcade type fighter games ?? like both require very different sets of skills i feel like one is more physical the other is more mental ? but both require adapting to changes whether in the game or the boxing ring which as leader sangyeon would know a lot about, esp being flexible and quick to respond to different situations, and the “make your own glory” i feel is maybe more on the nose, but tbz are this man’s pride and joy you can see it literally anywhere and for him, as leader, to have made it this far with tbz, winning rtk and building their popularity through their hard work and efforts really is building his own glory and i just HHHHHHHHHH

YES EYYSFDHSHF CHANHEE YES - i said it in the tags of my srb before deleting it so i’ll just repeat it here but CHOI CHANHEE !!!!! this detail i didn’t quite process first watch was the continuous flashing of lights in all his scenes, like ... from the shots and the set it looks REALLY empty ?? but the flashing seems to indicate cameras and photos being taken of him despite there being no people we can really see in any of the shots ? WHICH IS SO COOL i think the implication is like “all eyes on him” type which SO TRU i love that idea, like i said the walking past the wedding dresses ? v heavily implies fashion designer which i think you mentioned mar :o ! and i see it in the sense of his tagline “make your own stereotype” bc white wedding dresses are the very traditional / typical choice and obviously feminine in stereotypes, whereas chanhee is wearing a SUIT which is all black in a very clean b/w set with no color which i feel is very stereotypically MASCULINE and the glasses too, it’s such an interesting contrast of his “stereotypically feminine” features (in my view) with very masculine symbols, like glasses we usually associate with more soft hearted / meek stereotypes ? but the geometric shape of the windows and again his suit seems to indicate the very opposite ? it’s a mixing of stereotypes which i think is the point, by putting those together he quite literally makes his own stereotype and puts on the crown while the cameras continue flashing while pointed at him AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

YOUNGHOON - okie might have less to say about this one :o i feel like both hak’s and younghoon’s i don’t see the connections quite as readily but ! i think it’s interesting that his tagline is “make your own classic” but then in the scenes itself he has a flip phone ??? with an antenna (okay boomer /j JDHFKFG JK PLS) and a teddy bear while in PERIOD stylized clothing and setting where those two things are more modern / contemporary in origin (but also not modern enough bc ,,, it’s a flip phone LOL) like 90s kid vibes ? you know but as an emperor in the joseon era haha :p while eating shrimp chips and reading a (comic ?) book, like idk too much of what it means but it’s a cool dichotomy LOL, think it might also tie into actor ! hoon bc it’s make your own classic and i think acting has become a very important aspect to him :o after seeing what he’s capable of in love revolution and his atbz video so it’s interesting u.u (need help w/ this one)

JACOB - think my explanation in han’s set’s tags didn’t really make sense so lemme ... reexplain LOL,,, so ! similar to his gen z video ? like he’s talked about how difficult it is to open up about his own feelings etc. and he said it’s less bc he realizes he needs to but rather just to make other people feel more comfortable when it comes to understanding him, and like the whole breaking the mirror with his reflection in the wanna be angry jacob, it’s about freeing himself to the point he can express the emotions he wants to ! in gen z it was about being able to be angry when he felt that way instead of being tied by his image of being just nice ? and in the video with his pilot uniform not only does he control the ride but he also rides on it himself ! quite literally making his own freedom (symbolically), a sort of realizing he can free himself ? from what’s been tying him down and i think the really big smile he has while riding it just comes to show how he wants to feel :,))) (jacob bae i care you)

ERIC - last one :p AHHH this is one of my favs too, the quite literal “make your own pride” I LOVE IT ! sooo i think the biggest takeaway i got was that of course in this video his “pride” is symbolized by the hot pink car (that he’s going to pick up his christmassy date in of course u.u if he has a license which he does n- his driver’s license in this was literally his aaa / boy version of reveal photo which in no dmv anywhere would a license picture be allowed to look that good-) and LITERALLY when he finished and takes it for a joy ride while sitting on the roof he’s STILL covered in the dirt and grime stains ! from working on it ! which i think is so symbolic ! it’s my favorite detail actually, he literally put sweat into this car which is his pride and now that he’s finally riding around in it, it feels accomplishing ! his pride ! love that, also when he’s grabbing a stub from that flyer i noticed he chose “youth” over the others (which was like .... ca$h, beauty, ice cream, hamburger...) which i think also just indicates that despite all this hard work he put in he still cherishes his youth and still lets that be a huge part of who he is (i mean pink car so of course) so idk i think it’s very neat go bestie mwah

#sunnew #anon #asks #not tbz #jess.replies #be your own king analysis #I WROTE SO MUCH PLS #even more than my gen z analysis i think #anyway if anyone reads all of this oof thank you #HHHEEELP #i just did all of them ....#my weakest ones are def hak sunwoo yh #idk but i like what i came up with for the others ! ^^#i've seen a few twt threads but haven't read any lol #wrote the most about chanhee but no one is surprised of course

8 notes · View notes

lawandorderimagines · 4 years

Text

Dickie’s Girlfriend

TW: RAPE MENTION (TEACHER/STUDENT POWER DYMANIC), HOSPITAL

On a cold Monday morning in March when she was supposed to be in second period AP Biology, fifteen year old Isabella St. John rode up in the elevator to the 16th precinct of the New York Police Department, her backpack on her shoulders and her pink dance bag clutched tightly in her hand. Bella had never skipped school before, and she’d never been in a police station either. She didn’t know much about the sex crimes unit except that her boyfriend Richard’s father worked in the division which is why doing what she was about to do was going to be much more difficult. When the elevator dinged and opened, she stepped into the precinct where people sat at desks talking on telephones and writing down notes, people walking around carrying files, and as soon as a path cleared, she could see Mr. Stabler sitting at a desk. Bella was about to turn around when he spotted her.

Of course she was recognizable by her very curly hair. “Bella? What are you doing here? Why aren’t you in school?” With a shaking voice, she said, “I-I want to report a rape.”

Mercy General Hospital

An hour later, Bella was at Mercy General Hospital getting a rape kit done. She felt violated and humiliated as the nurse poked and prodded, took pictures; she was given a morning after pill and had a STD and HIV/AIDS test taken and her leotard had already been taken to a lab. Mr. Stabler had stepped outside, so it was just Bella, Detective Benson, and the nurse. “Isabella, sweetie, we’re going to have to call your parents? Do you know where they are?” They would probably pull her out of her classes at The School of American Ballet.

Her instructor would get fired, her classmates would probably blame her for it, and she could lose her role as Cinderella in the next production. Bella had been at SAB ever since her family had moved to New York from France when she was in second grade, and she had worked too hard for all of her hard work to go to waste. “My parents?! they’re going to pull me out of The School and possibly ballet! I’m going to be Cinderella in June!” Detective Benson had a sad look in her eyes. “Bella, they’re going to find out anyway when they get their insurance bill and rape kit shows up. So where are your parents?”

Bella ran a hand through her curly hair. “My dad’s a neurosurgeon at Mount Sinai in Queens, and my mom’s an actress, but she’s in Paris filming a movie. Please tell me this won’t get out in the press,” she begged. The last thing Bella wanted or needed was for the French press to get wind of the situation and cause bad publicity for her family. Her mom has had a flawless career so far, never once having been involved in a scandal. She’s the face of Chanel for crying out loud!

“Could you hand me my phone? It’s in the front part of my backpack.” Detective Benson reached in Bella’s bag, pulled out a pink cell phone and handed it to her. “I’ll give you some privacy,” Det. Benson said softly, and left the room to join her partner.

“So you know the victim personally?” Olivia asked Elliot. “Yeah, she’s Dickie’s girlfriend. Takes AP classes, trains at SAB. Bella’s a good kid.” Elliot remembers the first time he met Isabella St. John; he’d come home on a Saturday morning after wrapping up a case to find an unfamiliar brown skinned girl with very curly hair sitting at the table with a plate of pancakes in front of her, but her attention was on Maureen and a schoolbook. They were speaking French, but the little girl’s was much better than his daughter’s. Kathy explained that the girl, Isabella, was a new student at the twins’ school and that her family had moved to New York from Saint Germain-en-Laye, a suburb of Paris.; Isabella had slept over last night and was waiting for her dad to pick her up, and she’s been a staple at the Stabler house ever since.

“She told me that she didn’t want this leaking to the press. Are her parents famous or something?” Elliot shifted his weight as he told his partner. “Her mother is this big time French actress, and the face of Chanel.” They could hear the teenager speaking rapidly in French, and then the sound of a phone closing shut. Olivia went back into the room to question her some more.

“My dad is on his way, and Mom is booking the first flight back to New York,” Isabella spoke and there were tears in her eyes. She couldn’t believe that this was happening to her, that this wasn’t some horrible dream. How could this happen to her? Why was this happening to her, and how many other girls in her class had fallen for his lies? “Bella, I need to ask you more questions about Eric. How long has he been teaching at the school?”

“Almost four years. Before New York, he was an instructor at the Royal Ballet School in London, and when he started, some of the older kids said he was into younger women, but they were supposed to be rumors. Then I saw his girlfriend. I thought she was his daughter, but she kissed him on the lips. She’s more than half his age. I’m probably not even his first. He always pays more attention to the girls than he does the boys.” She thought back to all the times her friends said they had private lessons with Eric, how his hands always lingered a little lower than where they were supposed to be. Bella felt sick. Maye she was just the first one to do anything about it. “In fact, I have a friend named Zoe. She had private lessons with him last week.”

Bella told Detective Benson that Zoe lived on the SAB campus and showed her a picture of what Zoe looked like. Bella’s father showed up a little later as he had to fight the lunch rush traffic to Mercy General. He was out of breath, demanding to speak to whoever was in charge, wanting to know where his daughter was, and Elliot had the heartbreaking task of telling Dr. St. John that Bella was raped by her ballet instructor. He was still pissed that he had to wait a few more hours, but he complied anyway, knowing that he had to keep calm for his daughter. Two hours later, Bella was through with her examination, and she was relieved to see her dad in the waiting room.

“Bella, je suis venue dè reçu ton appel. Est- ce que tu vas bien?” Dr. St. John asked in French. “Je suis vais bien papa. Maman es sur le premier vol de retour.” Dr. St. John faced the two detectives, now speaking English. “So what happens now? Are you going to arrest him?” “Well, first we have to conduct a thorough investigation and wait for the lab results, interview students. From what Bella told us, it sounds like a lot of girls could’ve been victims,” Detective Benson answered.

“Bella was supposed to move into the dorms this summer. God only knows what could’ve happened if she lived there full time,” lamented Dr. St. John. While Bella’s father signed her out, she pulled Mr. Stabler to the side. “C-could you please tell Richard and Lizzie about this? I think they should hear this from me.” The twins had been texting her all day; she and Lizzie were supposed to get together this afternoon and start outlining their end-of-the-year project and she was supposed to help Richard study for an upcoming History test. “I promise. And Bella? You did a very brave thing, and you probably saved plenty of other girls from experiencing what you did,” the older man said to her.

“Will I have to go to court?” Bella had never stepped foot in a courtroom either. What if a jury didn’t believe her because she wasn’t convincing enough? What if she tripped up on the stand? “One step at a time, Bella, but I promise, we will get him. Eric will never hurt you, or anyone else again.”

Bella thanked him, then rushed to the reception area to join her father. Elliot couldn’t believe this happened to Bella. Saturday night before last, she joined the family for game night and they even played a French board game called Jungle Speed. He was also worried about Richard; Shane died only four months ago and now his girlfriend was just raped? How much more would he be able to handle?

“Let’s go see some ballerinas.”

translations: Bella, je suis venue dè reçu ton appel. Est- ce que tu vas bien? (Bella, I came as soon as you called. Are you okay?)

2. Je suis vais bien papa. Maman es sur le premier vol de retour. (I’m fine Daddy. Mom is on the first flight home)

#law and order svu #dickie stabler

30 notes · View notes

goldenraeofsun · 4 years

Text

we can follow the sparks

More of this verse!

As they sit down to lunch, Alicia asks in a hushed voice, “Have you guys seen the new Latin teacher?”

Josephine shakes her head as she bends down to pull out her history textbook. She’s one of those miraculous people that can study, gossip, and eat all at the same time.

If Alicia tried that, she’d dump bits of tomato on her book, ask “what?” every two minutes, and absorb zero percent of the reading.

“I have Latin tomorrow,” Aidan says as he digs into a container of leftover spaghetti.

“Oh, you don’t count,” Alicia waves him off and nudges her brother with to pay attention. Max looks up from haggling with Krissy for half of her pastrami sandwich.

Aidan's brow furrows. “Why?”

“Because you’re straight,” Alicia dismisses.

Krissy dumps the pastrami in front of Max and grabs half of his grilled tofu and veggie sandwich and his kale chips in return. Max’s face falls.

Aidan scowls at Alicia. “What, is the new teacher hot or something?”

Alicia scoffs, “Or something.”

Max’s face lights up hopefully. “Hotter than Mr. Winchester?”

“Mr. W isn’t hot,” Krissy points out, nose wrinkling.

Alicia rolls her eyes. “You are literally the only senior who thinks that.”

“The only student,” Max corrects as he takes a hearty bite of pastrami.

Alicia holds out her hand, which Max slaps obligingly. Thank god Alicia has her twin.

“Maybe Kaia has had him,” Josephine points out as Kaia takes the only free seat at their lunch table, Claire close on her heels. They both squeeze in, content to practically sit in each others’ laps.

Alicia rounds on the newcomers. “Have you had Latin?”

“I take Spanish,” Kaia says, shrugging. “Why?”

With her nose already buried in her book, Josephine supplies, “Alicia says the new teacher is hot.”

Claire chokes on her own spit.

“I heard from Patience he also teaches French and Spanish too,” Max says in a hushed voice.

“Oh,” Kaia says with a sidelong glance at Claire, “I have Spanish tomorrow.”

Claire silently hands Kaia half of her wrap, saying, “I’m not taking a language this year.”

“You can do that?” Krissy asks.

Kaia passes Claire her yogurt without looking at her because they are truly the most disgusting couple ever. Claire shrugs. “I was taking Mandarin at my old school, but obviously I can’t do that here.”

“At Carver,” Aidan spits.

Claire ignores him. “I’m taking AP English and Creative Writing instead.”

“Nice,” Max raises his fist for her to bump, “double Mr. Winchester.”

Claire makes a face. “I’m with Krissy on this one. I don’t get the appeal.”

Max shakes his head despondently. “Of course you don’t. You’re a lesbian.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t have eyes,” Claire snorts. “He’s old.”

“Nobody’s had Latin, French or Spanish yet?” Alicia asks, aghast.

“Hey!” Adian calls, “Alex!”

Alex looks up from the next table over where she’s squished between Patience and Tracy Bell. “What?” she demands, annoyed at the interruption.

Aidan smirks and says out of nowhere, “Do you think Mr. Novak is hot?”

Patience giggles and elbows Alex in the side as she splutters, “No!”

“That’s a yes,” Alicia says smugly.

* * *

Josephine approaches Mr. Novak’s desk cautiously, a little nervous to be talking to her new teacher one-on-one for the first time. She tries, “Professeur?”

Mr. Novak pauses wiping down the board. “Est-ce que tu as un problème avec les devoirs?”

Josephine shakes her head, saying slowly as she mentally translates, “Je n’ai pas ma copie de l'étranger. Je l’ai acheté le weekend dernier, mais il y a un… delay.”

“Retard,” Mr. Novak translates for her. He smiles and adds, “Pas de problème. Je garde toujours une autre copie dans mon bureau. Si tu voudrais bien me suivre.” He gestures for Josephine to follow him to the Language Office, but they stop short at the sight of Mr. Winchester standing in the doorway, staring at Mr. Novak with wide eyes.

“Dean,” Mr. Novak says in surprise. “Qu’est-ce qui s’passe?”

Mr. Winchester goes bright red. “Cas?” he asks weakly.

Mr. Novak gives his head a little shake. “My apologies. It’s been a long day. Is there something you need me for? I was just about to give Josephine my office copy of The Stranger.”

Mr. Winchester’s mouth opens and closes before he stutters, “N-no, it’s nothing. I’ll just… catch you later.”

Josephine glances up at Mr. Novak as they turn the other way down the hall, towards the Language Office. “C’est bizarre,” she mutters.

Mr. Novak laughs lightly under his breath. “Peut-être il a oublié ce qu’il voulait me demander.”

Josephine inwardly frowns at the suggestion that Mr. Winchester “forgot” why he stopped by Mr. Novak’s classroom.

Josephine had Mr. Winchester for English as a freshman. He never forgot anything. He had an endless supply of Vonnegut quotes on hand, and he always remembered to ask Krissy how her dad was doing after he had a close call with cancer over spring break that year.

This time, he didn’t look like a man who couldn’t remember something; he looked embarrassed.

“Peut-etre,” Josephine echoes because she wasn’t about to just say all that to a new teacher. And in French.

In his office, Mr. Novak hands her a copy of Camus. “Voilà,” he says, completely straight faced. “Si tu as besoin d’autres choses, viens me voir.”

Josephine bobs a nod. “Merci beaucoup.”

“Au revoir,” he says with a little wave as she leaves the office.

Josephine meets up with Krissy by the front doors, half-heartedly fending off Aidan’s shitty flirting. “Hey,” she says. “Sorry I’m late.”

“No problem,” Krissy says easily. She pushes off the wall. “Aidan was keeping me company.” She smiles at him, and Aidan perks up like Pavlov’s dog hearing the dinner bell. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Aidan says faintly as Krissy and Josephine take off towards Josephine’s car.

Josephine waits until Krissy is buckled in to say, “You’ll never believe what happened after French today.”

* * *

Krissy has never regretted taking German more in her life. Edlund’s a pretty small high school with a little over 500 students in total, so all anyone’s been talking about for the first two weeks in September is the new language teacher, Mr. Novak.

Alicia and Max think he’s hot.

Josephine thinks he’s nice.

Aidan thinks he’s cool.

Kaia thinks… well, she’s been pretty mum on the subject, but she’s not the gossipy type, so Krissy isn’t surprised.

Only Claire rolls her eyes every time Mr. Novak’s name comes up.

Krissy hasn’t met the new language teacher. If she’s lucky, she can catch a glimpse of messy hair and a rumpled suit while she speed-walks from Calculus to World History.

While investigating Mr. Novak himself might be difficult, Krissy is close with Mr. W.

She can still remember how Mr. W’s footsteps sounded down the hospital hallway in the oncology wing; how her heart pounded in her chest the first time she got in his car; how he talked for forty-minutes about “his baby” all the way to Josephine’s house.

Once a week for a month in freshman year, Mr. W chauffeured Krissy from the hospital on Tuesdays (Josephine’s parents took her on the weekends). Occasionally, he stopped in to talk to her dad, since they both went to Edlund High years ago. Edlunders, as Mr. W said, always took care of their own.

On the car ride to Josephine’s, they talked about Vonnegut, surrealist fiction, dystopian sagas… They only skipped over classic literature, since Mr. W thought everything written before the 20th century was boring as fuck. Mr. W did allow Shakespeare, though, because of all the dick jokes.

Krissy knocks on the door to the Language Office three weeks into the school year. While she’d like to pretend to herself her visit is to get Mr. W’s opinion on Mr. Novak (his opinion would be more reliable than Alicia, Max, and Aidan combined, and on par with Josephine’s) she can’t pretend the mild haze of panic clouding her head has anything to do with a teacher she doesn’t even have on her schedule.

“Come in!” Mr. W’s voice calls.

Krissy steps inside, nodding to Frau Allen at her desk by the window. Otherwise, the office is empty.

“Hey, Krissy,” Mr. W says with a smile as she fiddles with the strap of her back, hovering by the door. “You wanna take a seat? Cas already left for the day.” He gestures to what Krissy assumes is Mr. Novak’s desk, next to his.

Krissy sits. “Thanks.”

Mr. W’s lighthearted expression turns serious as he reads her face. “Is everything okay? Your dad doing well?”

“Oh yeah,” Krissy says quickly, “still in remission. Everything’s looking good.”

“Good,” he says emphatically, and he means it, not like Ms. Masters or Mr. Trent after the news went around school that her dad was sick.

Krissy taps her fingers on Mr. Novak's vacated desk. “What happened to Mr. Turner? Did he finally retire?”

“Mm hm,” Mr. W hums. “He still goes fishing with Bobby - Principal Singer - so I heard he’s doing well.”

“How’s the new guy?” Krissy asks as she spins the seat around.

Mr. W frowns at her question. “He’s good,” he says as he pins her in place with a long look. “Why the interest? Don’t you take German?”

“I’ve been considering switching,” Krissy lies. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Frau Allen make a face.

“Because that makes sense,” Mr. W says, clearly not believing a word. “Aren’t you in AP German?”

Krissy ignores the question. “I heard Mr. Novak came from Carver.”

“He did,” Mr. W says cautiously. “So what?”

“Maybe he’s a spy.”

“This is high school, not the USSR,” Mr. W says with a snort. “Plus, Cas was an Edlunder first.”

Krissy blinks. “He was?”

“He was a student in my year.” He smirks. “He actually tutored me in Latin, if you can believe it.”

Krissy mulls that over. “So you know him pretty well.”

“Well enough,” Mr. W says, back to being cagey as hell. “I know he’s a good teacher and this school’s lucky to have him.”

“Okay,” Krissy says dubiously.

Mr. W rolls his eyes. “Now we’ve got that out of the way, and god knows why you wanted to talk about Cas, why are you really here?”

“Everyone’s talking about him!” Krissy protests.

Mr. W leans back in his chair and surveys her with a cool eye. “Since when have you been interested in gossip?”

“Uh…”

“That’s what I thought,” Mr. W says, satisfied. “Just spit it out, kid. I promise it can’t be that bad.”

“Would you write me a recommendation letter for college?” she asks in a rush. “Please.”

Whatever Mr. W had been expecting, it wasn’t that. He laughs, and Krissy almost dies of embarrassment before he says, “Well duh. I have a draft of the thing I’ve been sitting on for two years.”

“Really?” Krissy asks, her eyes round.

Mr. W nods. “After everything with your dad, I thought this might come up. And there were parts I didn’t want to forget so I wrote ‘em down.”

“Great,” Krissy says faintly. She shouldn’t be so surprised. Mr. W told her he always liked to be prepared. A true boy scout, he’d say before laughing to himself.

When she’d voiced her confusion - Mr. W being a boy scout wasn’t all that outrageous, if you take away the minor swearing (he was a lot worse when she was a freshman). He said they didn’t take men like him.

Krissy tactfully changed the subject, but the next week she went to GSA for the first time.

It was worth giving up her Thursday lunch period to see Mr. W smile when she walked into his classroom for their weekly meeting.

* * *

Max winces as Krissy elbows him in the ribs. He’s giving up his Thursday lunch hour for this?

Alan Corbett’s been going on and on for the past twenty minutes. Sure, he’s President of GSA, but that does not mean everything he says is worth listening to. It’s a shame. He’s too nice for anyone to tell him how boring he is.

Kaia and Claire are playing footsie under the table.

Thank god Krissy gets it. As their only Straight rep of the Gay-Straight Alliance, Max was highly skeptical when she signed up at the end of freshman year. But Mr. Winchester liked her, so it was enough to convince Max not to give her the cold shoulder when she sat next to him. Plus, whatever Mr. Winchester says goes, since Max could listen to him read the dictionary with that ruggedly deep voice of his.

Max doubts Krissy’s heard a single word out of Alan’s mouth. Instead, her whole attention has been riveted on Mr. Novak, who’s attending his first GSA meeting. He sits off to the side, by the big poster of Game of Thrones (Mr. Winchester says it’s based on a book, so it counts).

Krissy scrawls in all caps on the back of a history assignment: HEART. EYES.

Max subtly shakes his head and picks up his pencil. WTF?

Look at how they’re looking at each other!

They’re not tho

Exactly! Krissy taps her last message forcefully. They keep look at each other when the other one is looking the other way

Why do you care?

Krissy frowns.

If I wanted gossip, I would’ve stayed in the cafeteria with Alicia

It’s Mr. W. I know you like him

I like to look at him Could care less about his love life I thought you were the same What gives?

You only pretend to be a shallow man whore I know you like him You started this club with him 3 years ago

How else could I find questioning dudes to fuck?

But all I ended up with was… Max nods at Alan in disgust.

Krissy hides her smile behind the fist propping up her chin. You have the best gaydar in the city limits. So does Mr. W have a chance with Mr. Novak?

Mr. W flipped a closeted Republican, so… And I’m not talking about politics.

Seriously?

You didn’t hear it from me

You don’t even like gossip Who the hell told you that?

Alicia. Who else? She knows everything.

Max smirks as he starts his next note.

It’s why her hair is so big. It’s full of secrets.

Krissy doesn’t manage to stifle her laugh in time.

Mr. Novak frowns disapprovingly, but Mr. Winchester doesn’t notice since he’s too busy staring at Mr. Novak.

Maybe Krissy’s onto something.

Max looks down at their notes to find another message: Josephine told me Mr. W has it bad for Mr. Novak

Max scrawls incredulously, Josephine??? Since when does she pay attention?

That’s what I’m saying He’s got it so bad even Josephine can see it

Aromantic Josephine, who took a year to figure out Aidan was into you

Yup.

I bet they’ll be banging in 2 weeks

Can you not

$5 says I’m right

Make it $10.

* * *

Aidan sulks against the wall of the gym. He finally got Krissy to agree to go to a dance - Homecoming! - and all she wants to do is hang with their friends.

And fine, it wasn’t like he expected them to sneak out and make out or do more stuff when they were alone… but he kind of did.

At least he got a couple of dances in. Before Krissy dragged him away, he even got to grind up against her. It was fucking magical.

Now, he’s at a table with Kaia and Josephine. Krissy is waving over Alicia, so Max can’t be far behind. Only Claire is a no-show, but Krissy told him a few minutes ago she was in the bathroom. Girls always take a bafflingly long time in there. Maybe there are snacks?

“Where’s Max?” Aidan asks loudly over the music. There’s only two of them; the Y chromosome reps gotta stick together.

Alicia vaguely waves her hand toward the dance floor. “I think he mentioned something about Ennis Ross.” She spins the folding chair around to straddle it and rest her arms on the back.

Aidan draws up short. “Ennis is gay?”

Kaia snorts. “Does it matter?”

“Not to Max,” Krissy says with a grin. “You know he’s always happy to play the baking soda volcano.”

“Huh?” Aidan asks.

Krissy rolls her eyes. “He’s always happy to be someone’s experiment.”

“Oh.”

Alicia’s lips purse but she doesn’t comment.

“Did you see Mr. Novak and Mr. W?” Krissy asks, tipping her head towards where the two teachers lean against the wall underneath one of the basketball hoops, talking with their heads bowed together.

“They are cute,” Alicia agrees, looking grateful for the subject change.

Mr. Novak dressed up for homecoming with a tie the school colors, and Mr. Winchester has Edlund's mascot, Peppy the Pigeon, painted on his cheek.

“Do you think if Aidan spikes the punch, it’ll,” Krissy waggles her eyebrows, “make things happen?”

Josephine frowns. “I don’t think Mr. Novak could ever be drunk enough to make a move in front of students.”

“But Mr. W for sure,” Krissy says.

“Oh yeah,” Alicia says.

“Hey,” Aidan protests, holding his hands up in the T formation for timeout. “I’m not giving up my booze.”

“Speaking of,” Alicia holds her hand out, “Gimme some.”

“What? No! Get your own.”

“How am I supposed to do that?” she asks, eyebrows raised. “Mom doesn’t even allow Coca Cola in the house because it brings ‘negative energy.’”

Krissy nudges Aidan in the ribs with a pointy elbow, and he sighs. He fishes his flask out of his suit pocket and hands it over. Alicia takes a swig and promptly passes it to Josephine, who gives it to Kaia.

“Hey, save some for the guy who brought it!” Aidan says as he snatches it back.

“Not too much,” Max’s voice says from behind him. He grins as Aidan jumps. “Whiskey dick is a real thing.”

“Hey,” Josephine greets. “No go with Ennis?”

“Got spooked right as we were getting to the good stuff,” Max says with a shrug.

“Sorry,” Kaia says sincerely.

“It’s alright,” Max says as he throws himself into the last empty chair. “I only got one more year here, and then there’s gonna be a whole freshman class of questioning dudes ripe for the taking.”

Krissy wrinkles her nose. “You do you, I guess.”

“Thank you, Kristine, I will,” Max says.

Alicia rolls her eyes.

“We were just talking about Mr. W and Mr. Novak,” Krissy says, jerking her head to the basketball hoop. “Huh,” she says, her eyes widening a she scans the gym, “Where’d they go?”

“Probably to go make out,” Aidan says bitterly with a significant look at Krissy. She frowns.

“We can only dream,” Alicia says wistfully.

The song changes to something with a thumping baseline and a catchy chorus, and there’s a deafening cheer from the dance floor.

Aidan glances around, but nobody at the table moves to join in. He taps his feet to the beat. A few of the teacher chaperones have meandered closer to the dancing group, eyes peeled for inappropriate activity.

“Wanna get some air?” Aidan says in a carrying undertone (the music is very loud) to Krissy.

Max groans. “Yes, please.”

Aidan glares.

“Where?” Alicia asks.

Adian's mood sours further. He is never going to touch Krissy’s tits at this rate.

Kaia sets her phone down on the table. “Claire’s already out by the football field. She says nobody’s there.”

“Alright then,” Josephine says as she gets to her feet and stretches.

Krissy holds her hand out to Aidan. “Come on, you,” Krissy says with a small smile, “This was your idea.”

Aidan grumbles but follows the group. The halls are weird in the dark, still festooned with banners and streamers from Spirit Week. Everyone is oddly quiet as their footsteps echo off the rows of closed lockers. They pass one of the lab rooms, and a shadow moves across the window, accompanied by a hushed giggle.

Max smirks. “Wanna bet how many are getting it on right now?”

“I’d steer clear of the supply closets,” Alicia says with a shudder.

“Talk about a cliche,” Krissy complains as they round the last corner before the large double doors to the field. “If I was sneaking around, the roof is the way to go. No one ever looks there.”

Aidan files that fact away for later.

The fall breeze hits them squarely in the face as they step outside. Aidan shrugs out of his jacket and puts it around Krissy’s shoulders, ignoring her eye roll and smiling at Josephine’s thumbs-up behind Krissy’s back.

Max gallantly gives Alicia his jacket too, and Josephine and Kaia huddle together as they pick their way across the field, stepping over bits of confetti, torn bits of streamers, and a few abandoned signs. The crowd had been particularly enthusiastic since they’d been playing Carver Preparatory.

Edlund High won, of course. For the fifteenth year in a row. Carver sucks.

They find Claire at the top of the bleachers, wearing her normal leather jacket over her midnight blue dress.

“Hey,” Kaia says, kissing her on the cheek. “What’re you doing up here?”

“I don’t like crowds,” Claire says, hugging her arms to her chest.

“Me either,” Josephine says as she sits next to Claire.

“You didn’t have to bring the cavalry,” Claire complains to Kaia.

Kaia shrugs. “They wanted to come.”

“The dance was lame,” Max says as he bounds up two bleachers at a time.

“Because you’re too cool to do the electric slide,” Alicia says as she plops down on the row below.

Krissy wanders around, searching for the best spot to sit out of the wind, Aidan’s coat still wrapped tightly around her shoulders. “Hey,” she hisses, hand flapping in their direction. “Look!”

“What?” Alicia leans over to see what Krissy’s spotted. “Holy fuck,” she breathes.

Aidan, Max, and Josephine peer over the railings to see the shadowy area below, leaving Kaia and Claire to their whispered conversation.

Holy fuck is right. That’s Mr. Winchester. And Mr. Novak.

“What are they doing?” Aidan asks before he can stop himself. It’s not like he doesn’t know what a heavy duty make out looks like.

Max snorts.

Alicia throws him a despairing look.

Krissy swivels around to face Claire. “Did you know they were down there?”

“Yeah? So what?” Claire says, frowning. “I wasn’t about to perv on a couple of teachers.”

Krissy’s mouth falls open as she stares at the group as a whole. “Do you think this is the first time?”

Max sneaks another peek. “Probably not,” he says critically. “Either that, or Mr. Novak’s way more randy than I ever gave him credit for. A real freak under that suit.”

Claire’s face spasms.

“Or maybe Mr. Winchester just brings it out in him -” Alicia starts.

* * *

“They’ve been dating for three years!” Claire explodes.

Everyone turns to stare at her.

Two months. Two goddamn months of this.

When she transferred to Edlund from Carver, she thought the worst part would be her family’s disapproval. They all told her it was stupid to throw away her future at a good school for a girl. They always said it like that, like Kaia didn’t have a name. At least Uncle Cas supported her, not that he had a single leg to stand on, since he was switching jobs and taking a pay cut to be with Dean. Claire would have preferred if her uncle didn’t follow her from school to school like the dorkiest duckling ever, but it was nice to have him in her corner.

But no, the absolute worst part was all the gossip she had to listen to. About Uncle Cas, aka the biggest doof on the planet.

Maybe Grandmother was right, and Edlund was filled with a bunch of idiots. Claire throws up her hands, saying through gritted teeth, “Castiel transferred from Carver to spend more time with Dean.”

“How do you know that?” Krissy asks, her mouth falling open.

Claire purses her lips. “Castiel’s my uncle.”

“Your what?” Aidan gapes.

Claire rolls her eyes. “He’s my uncle. Dean’s his boyfriend. They’re gross together all the damn time - but not in school because Uncle Cas has opinions about it.”

“If Mr. Winchester could make out with him all the time, he’d do it,” Kaia adds because she’s had dinner at Uncle Cas’s way too many times and has seen it for herself.

Krissy leans over the railing. “Get it Mr. W!”

Alicia cackles as Dean and Uncle Cas jump apart, glancing around for the voice.

Dean’s Peppy face paint is nothing but a smear of grey and black on his cheek. Double gross. “Jesus Christ,” he mutters as he spots the group on top of the bleachers. “What the hell are you guys doing here?”

“I wanted to make out with my girlfriend,” Aidan complains. Krissy rolls her eyes, but Claire doesn’t miss the regretful expression on her face before she turns back to the pair of teachers below.

“Just getting some air,” Josephine explains pleasantly as she aims a kick at Aidan’s shin.

“Don’t let us interrupt!” Max calls wickedly.

Dean runs a hand down his face and nudges Uncle Cas with his shoulder. “We should escort them back, right?”

Uncle Cas sighs. “It would be irresponsible not to.” He glares at Dean. And even in the dark, Claire can see how red his face is. “I told you sneaking off was a bad idea.”

“Be thankful we didn’t get to my real bad idea before the Scooby Gang found us,” Dean says, eyebrows waggling suggestively.

“We can still hear you,” Claire reminds them loudly.

“Alright, alright,” Dean says, flapping his hands at them like a giant mother hen. “Get down from there and back to the dance. I heard someone spiked the punch.”

“Really?” Aidan asks as he offers Krissy his hand to help her down.

“No,” Dean deadpans. He mutters to Uncle Cas, “I can’t believe we got cockblocked by a bunch of kids.”

Claire makes a noise of disgust as her feet hit the ground. “Are you incapable of whispering?”

Uncle Cas shoots Dean a warning look before saying calmly, “Nothing was going to happen. We were, ah, getting some air.”

“That’s not all you were gonna get,” Dean says in an undertone.

Claire groans.

“Stop,” Uncle Cas tells Dean reproachfully. “I know you’re goading her. It’s inappropriate.”

“I’ll show you inappropr-”

Uncle Cas actually slaps his hand over Dean’s mouth. “Not another word, Dean.”

They are the worst. Claire pretends to trip Dean up as they pass her, and Dean flips her the finger when Uncle Cas looks the other way.

Claire waits for Kaia and the rest of the group, dawdling after the pair of teachers. Bemused, she watches as Krissy, Max, Aidan, and Alicia hand Kaia money. “What’s going on?” Claire asks.

“Your girlfriend fleeced us,” Aidan complains as he pockets his wallet.

Claire raises her eyebrows.

Kaia shrugs, but her face is as smug as Claire has ever seen it. “I just bet everyone else was wrong.”

Claire’s mouth falls open. “Were you betting on them?” she hisses, pointing at Uncle Cas and Dean.

“I thought it would take them two weeks to sleep together,” Max says.

“I bet two months,” Krissy adds.

“One month,” Alicia supplies.

“A year,” Aidan says with a helpless sort of look.

Claire swivels to glance at Josephine. “What about you?”

Josephine raises her hands in a gesture of innocence. “I had no idea, which is why I didn’t get involved.” She studies the pair ahead of them for a few steps, her eyes narrowing as Dean reaches over to ruffle Uncle Cas’s hair. “I would’ve said something stupid like ten years.”

Claire bursts out laughing.

“What?” Krissy asks, annoyed.

Claire nudges Kaia, who looks stricken. “Come on, you know she nailed it.”

“I did?”

Claire snorts. “They got together after their high school reunion,” she says as Josephine’s face lights up. “It took ten years for those dumb fucks to get their shit together.”

Without missing a beat Uncle Cas calls over his shoulder, “Claire, language!”

Kaia smothers her giggles into Claire’s shoulder.

#fanfic #destiel fanfic #destiel #teachers au #teacher castiel #teacher dean #kaia nieves #claire novak #minor claire/kaia #profoundnet #outsider pov #aidan #krissy chambers #max banes #alicia banes #josephine barnes #the story of us verse #rae writes fic

45 notes · View notes

notasiren21 · 4 years

Text

To those who want to kill themselves:

I’m not going to sugarcoat this at all. I’ll be gentle at times and then rather aggressive. And for good reason...

Because you deserve to fucking live.

I’m aware there’s blatant bullying, discreet and subtle bullying that makes you question if you’re just being sensitive and taking things too seriously (most of the time you’re not, trust me), neglect, familial issues, and then situational instances that pound into your heart and head consistently.

Believe it or not, but the cliché term of “it does get better” is true, just as long as you yourself is willing to check its validity and try.

I thought of several ways like drowning myself in the bathtub and hoping my fingertips would slip on the rims so I couldn’t pull myself up when my body got weak/ holding a knife to my chest while crying/ contemplating on just taking those three steps into the road when I was supposed to get the mail/ jumping off my balcony/ finishing off my oxycodone pills from a wisdom teeth surgery/ etc.

Maybe I’m a coward or was weak, but I could never follow through with it. Just left with that same bottle lying in a medicine basket somewhere or had a brief puncture mark on my chest that just broke the skin with the tip, whatever.

Crying myself to sleep almost every night because it was too much.

Honestly, I think being a coward and weak was the best thing to happen to me.

I lost a boyfriend from how much my anxiety and suicidal thoughts consumed me and had to tell my parents why I was dumped which led to me seeing their faces when I fessed up and said “I’m not happy, I’m not okay”.

It’s funny because I’ve had a cry for help several times through stuff I’ve written and published on fanfic sites, stuff I’ve given to my teacher to read senior year, literally telling my AP Lit class two years ago I was depressed and thought suicidal shit (only 8 of us in that class and teacher) and being told “it’s just like that sometimes, gotta shake it off”, “don’t let people’s words get to you”, “yea, same” and having a teacher pretend like she heard nothing.

That one time I was brave, and I was waved off.

I know there are times where you finally find your voice for that one split second and then you’re ignored, and you feel yourself rescinding back to mute and distant.

I know you’re plastering a smile on constantly to fool others because you’re afraid what will happen when they find out.

It sucks, doesn’t it?

When you hear so many voices in your head playing that record on repeat of the things you most want to forget. Having those nightmares occur where someone takes the final step to push you to your edge. Seeing the annoyed rolling of eyes or blatant show of disinterest of you.

Nine years of schooling, because after 3rd grade, I was just one of those girls who females decided to hate for breathing or asking a question. So nine years I was trying not to victimize myself in my head and justifying why everyone acted the way they did to me.

Teenage girls and teachers alike made my life hell. The girls never gave me the chance and teachers treated me like I was some lost cause that couldn’t even make it to merit roll and like my work was shit.

“Oh, you sure you can make it into the media production film? I don’t think you’ll be able to make shows like you planned. Maybe try for something else.”

“Your writing is, it’s okay. Try harder next time.”

I struggled with grades in high school and wondered if I’d even graduate.

I made the president’s list my first year of college. Got straight A’s. My English professors loved to leave excited feedback on my essays and were amazed how quickly I could conjure one up and fix my own mistakes before peer review.

My professors talked about me to one another and when I met the new ones, they already knew of me.

My history professor begged me to write a poem for a book he’s writing and publishing near 2021.

My creative writing professor attacked me with an email of compliments over a chapter book of poems I wrote where i took them in the order written so it was me at my worst, to me fooling myself, to me losing and falling back, to me trying for help, to me being the best I’ve ever been. >I also made him cry in a class writing experiment with less than 300 words.

(Idk maybe the bitch is that sensitive but he was chill)

My point is: fucking block out what other people say or do to you. Tell someone you trust you need help and stop kidding yourself.

And please, for the love of god, if it is really that bad then do not make yourself so naive into believing a friend or partner can take the brunt of it all and fix you.

It may work for some time, but if you’re still suffering, they will too and neither of you will win in the end.

I took to therapy and it worked. And I dropped all the toxic shit out of my life and moved on.

I may not use social media besides Tumblr or Discord, but I’m more present in life than I was before and not comparing myself to others anymore.

I dropped friends that made me feel bad and bashed things I liked or would cause issues and I have a peace of mind (as much as one can have one during a pandemic and such).

Get the help. Find ways to receive help if you can’t financially afford it. Find that courage to tell someone you trust that listens to you that you are suffering and need that professional help and to be taken seriously.

I was the first to walk the graduation stage of my 2019 class, and I thought I’d be the first of us to die because I couldn’t move past everything I’ve endured from a large majority of them.

I would’ve missed how positively my life turned around.

I would’ve destroyed my parents, little sister, and brother for being so selfish.

I’m the middle child, the good kid with a career in mind and the mediator of the family. And I’m used to not being the favorite but appreciated one.

My dad confessed to me that I was his favorite and I never want to hear it again.

You never want to hear a man you see as the strongest person you know say that while trying not to cry and keep his voice normal, you don’t want to hear “You were always my favorite” said in such a thick voice it brings tears to your eyes.

Your life matters.

This isn’t Sims where you can move on to the next household member. This isn’t like throwing LEGO R2-D2 off a cliff with that iconic scream only or lose a few coins. This isn’t a fucking game.

And I am so sick of hearing people treat it like some quest you get once in your life:

“You’ll be okay.”

“Cheer up.”

“It’s just a phase.”

Etc.

It’s all fucking bullshit. We live in a world that sugarcoats the severity of someone’s life when it’s presented in front of us while on the precipice of shattering.

You deserve to live. Anyone who tells you otherwise is the one who loses the right to be considered human or a person, not you.

Do not let someone dictate your life’s outcome because they don’t agree with you or like you.

And please, for all that is good in this world, don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re alright when you don’t feel it.

Hang in for one extra day to gather the strength and tell someone you need help.

Everyone acts so ashamed of it but it was the best thing that happened to me after being such a weak coward and now, I’m genuinely happy. And it was a lot of work to get here.

Want to know where all my angst and suffering had gone to? Just ask the characters in the books and fanfic content I’ve written. I’m sure they don’t appreciate it, but those stories wouldn’t exist if I gave up then.

And believe it or not, people will fucking miss you like hell if you killed yourself. It’s just too hard to see it right now and I was blinded before too.

Not everyone has the same opinion of you. Not everyone matters in your life.

You’re living this life singlehandedly by yourself while surrounded by others experiencing the same thing. Don’t let that opportunity go to waste.

And if you need distractions, indulge yourself in the harmless guilty pleasures like I do.

It can get better if you just open yourself to it.

It can get better if you get help.

You really must be so tired, isn’t it time you stopped pretending?

64 notes · View notes

deanstop13billyjoeltraxx · 4 years

Text

Superposition

a deancas college roommate au :)

Chapter 8 is up on AO3! Chapter-by-chapter masterlist here.

CW: mentions of verbal abuse, homophobia, alcoholism, jail time. instances of smoking.

some notes: I usually go through and italicize as necessary when I’m posting on tumblr because it doesn’t copy over from my og text, but this chapter is like 6200 words and i’m just not gonna do that. recommend reading on AO3 for the best experience!!

An Exercise in Futility

Three Years Earlier

Castiel was convinced that his life was one massive, cosmic joke.

He’d been considering the possibility for some time. Being the gay son of a homophobic pastor does that to a person. When he discovered, sometime around the age of twelve, that the girls in his Sunday school class were far less interesting than the boys, he could practically feel God laughing at him. Then there was high school, where the religious prattling was replaced by what felt like endless torment at the hands of his peers.

He felt like college was quickly becoming the third punchline.

Not that things were bad. Things were good, actually, better than they’d been in years. He was learning about things he cared about. He passed his midterms with flying colors. He even had friends. He spent a weekend watching all of the Lord of the Rings with Charlie. He had switched seats in accounting to sit next to Meg.

And, of course, there was Dean. Dean, who dragged Cas to a football game and didn’t drink a sip of alcohol the whole time in solidarity; Dean, who, after Tombstone, insisted on movie night every Tuesday; Dean, who, demanded that Cas print out a copy of one of his short stories and sign it (“When you’re a famous douchebag, this is gonna be worth so much money”).

It seemed that, on all fronts, Castiel had finally capitalized on the collegiate promise of a second chance.

But by his own estimation, he was doomed.

Because sometimes, his palms started sweating when Dean stood too close. Sometimes, his heartbeat skipped when Dean threw an arm across Cas’s shoulders. Sometimes, Cas woke up from a dream so vivid, he was disappointed to find himself alone in his bunk bed.

He could see how easy it would be to fall in love with Dean Winchester, what with the blond hair and green eyes, bright smiles and southern lilt, funny jokes and considerate actions. The prospect was utterly terrifying, and Castiel was doing everything in his power to stop dwelling on it.

He’d been down the “falling in love with your straight best friend” road before. AP biology class brought Cas a lab partner in Ben Wright. Soccer team captain, A-student, all around nice guy. Maybe Ben didn’t do anything to stop the constant verbal torment, but he never took part in it. At first, being around him was exhilarating. Sharing looks, catching smiles, trading inside jokes; Cas was intoxicated. He was so high on first love that he made the mistake of confiding in Bartholomew. Cas had always considered him to be a role model, friend and brother at the same time. But that night, when Cas came out, Bartholomew looked at him like one might look at spoiled food. He’d agreed not to tell their father, on the condition that Cas never speak about the matter again, that he figure out some way to “cleanse himself.” They hadn’t spoken since that night.

And so the feelings that once propelled Castiel to school with anticipation suddenly made him dread it. Not only did baring his soul to a brother get him a one-way ticket to estrangement, but Ben started dating someone else, a girl from his English class. Now every shared look was painful, smiles were false, inside jokes stopped being funny.

It was somehow worse, knowing Ben could never feel the same way. It certainly didn’t help the feelings of guilt and shame brought by his family.

Cas would do anything not to feel that way again.

He started by insisting that Dean invite Benny and Charlie to more of their nightly dinners. And while he honestly liked the both of them, he would be lying if he didn’t admit that their presence was, first and foremost, a distraction from Dean. He took up running again, as a way to get himself out of the dorm when Dean decided to stay in. He spent more time studying with Meg.

Meg was shockingly easy to befriend. She wasn’t nice — Cas had watched in shock when, once, she dumped a hot coffee on a skateboarder who had knocked her down on accident — but she never said a mean thing to Castiel. She was like him: a black sheep, the child everyone wished they could forget. Only, where Cas had become an agnostic and gone to college, Meg had become a Satanist and gone to jail for arson.

But this was her new leaf, she told him. Maybe it didn’t matter why someone needed a second chance, only that they were willing to take one.

They had been working for an hour when she threw her pen at his head and said, “Cas, you should come with me to Sig Ep’s Halloween party tomorrow. Be my date.”

Cas took a moment to process the meaning of party + date + with Meg. “Uh, I don’t — well, um, parties aren’t really —”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re allowed to say no, hun.”

Cas panicked. Meg was looking at him expectantly, her resigned smile making it clear she was prepared for rejection.

“Well, I… It’s not because of you — you’re very beautiful, and smart. Actually, you’re one of the most wonderful people I’ve met here.” She grinned at that. “It’s just, I don’t really… Go on dates. With girls.”

She studied him a moment before understanding lit up her face. “Oh.”

Castiel fidgeted with his pencil, refusing to meet her eyes. He’d only ever done this once, and it hadn’t gone well. But he liked having a friend, and more than that, he liked having Meg as a friend. He didn’t want her to think he wasn’t interested because of any fault of her own.

“Cas,” she said. When he didn’t respond, she poked him in the arm. “Castiel.” He raised his eyes. “It’s cool. It’s not like you can just choose to like girls when a pretty one asks you on a date.”

“I… Understand, if you would rather not be friends,” Cas said, cautiously.

“What?” Meg’s eyes widened. “What are you talking about? Why would I not want to be friends?” She laughed a little. “That would be super ironic, considering I told you I went to juvie and you didn’t bat an eye.”

“Because I’m gay,” Cas said quietly, looking down again.

Meg grabbed both his hands. “Cas, hun, there’s nothing wrong with being gay.”

He looked up again, eyes wide. “What? I mean, I know that, I just… Not everyone does.”

Meg smiled sadly at him and gripped his hands a little tighter. “Well, I do. No biggie. We’re going to be iconic together, you and I. Sexiest gay-straight alliance of all time.”

Cas smiled weakly, relief flooding his entire body. “Thank you, Meg. I’m sorry, I didn’t intend to make any judgements on your character. It’s just… This,” he motioned at the air between them, “has never gone well for me.”

Meg shook her head. “That’s a shame,” she said. “I haven’t known you that long. But I think I can tell that you — all the parts of you — are awesome.”

“You can still come to the party,” she added after a moment.

Cas shook his head, capping and uncapping his pen repeatedly. “Parties… They’re not really my scene.”

“All right. You know who to call if you change your mind.”

On Halloween, Castiel returned from his nightly run to find Dean pulling on a flannel. He checked his watch — he had barely made it. 6:57 pm.

“Right on time,” Dean said. “I was about to leave without you.”

“I would have never forgiven you if you did,” Cas joked. Then, “Are Charlie and Benny coming?”

“Nah, they’re both busy tonight. Halloween parties, you know.”

“Oh.” Castiel took a large sip of his water. “You’re not attending a Halloween party?”

Dean shrugged. “Wasn’t really feeling it tonight. Plus, I have a feeling you’ve never seen The Exorcist?” When Cas shook his head, Dean rubbed his hands together. “Oh man, we are totally watching it tonight. Unless you’re busy,” he added, raising his eyebrows at Cas.

“I’m not,” Cas replied. Dean knew this already, of course, otherwise Cas might have made something up. The waters in which he tread got more dangerous each day. He couldn’t escape the warm feeling flooding his chest at the idea of Dean ditching the parties for a movie night.

It was precisely that feeling that caused him to hurriedly ask, “Would you mind if I invited Meg to dinner?”

“Who?” Dean asked, lacing up his boots.

“Meg Masters. She’s the friend from accounting that I told you about.”

“Ah,” Dean said. “Right. What, just me isn’t good enough anymore?” Cas thought he was joking, but it seemed forced.

“Dean —”

“I’m kidding, man,” Dean said with a short laugh. “Sure, she can come.”

Castiel hurriedly splashed his face with cold water and shed his sweaty t-shirt in favor of a hoodie. Dean feigned a sniff in his direction and made a face, to which Cas replied with an eye-roll. As they left their dorm, Cas sent a text to Meg.

CN (7:02 pm)

Would you like to get dinner with Dean and me?

CN (7:02 pm)

Unless you’re already at your party, in which case, be safe.

MM (7:03 pm)

Party not til later. hot roommate dean?

CN (7:04 pm)

...Is that a yes?

MM (7:04 pm)

Yes please ;) shocker dining?

CN (7:05 pm)

Yes. We’ll meet you there.

Dean grabbed a burger and an inordinate amount of fries while Castiel loaded his plate with spaghetti and a salad. Meg walked into the dining room just after he and Dean sat down, and Cas waved her over.

“Meg,” he said, offering her the seat next to his, “this is Dean Winchester. Dean, this is Meg Masters.” Dean smiled at her with a mouthful of french fries. Cas dropped his head in exasperation.

“Pleasure,” Meg said with a half-cocked smile. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Dean shrugged. “I am pretty awesome. Can’t say the same about you, though.”

Cas went bright red. He shot Dean a glare, then turned to Meg. “He’s joking —”

Meg’s grin only widened, and she giggled. “It’s all right, Cas, I’m not very interesting.” She raised an eyebrow at him. He became extremely intent upon eating his dinner.

Dean stared at her for a moment, chewing a bite of burger. “So,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “You know Cas from accounting?”

“That’s right,” Meg said brightly.

“So he’s your tutor or somethin’?”

Cas interjected. “Actually, Meg is far more capable than I am. She essentially taught me everything about liabilities.”

“Adorable,” Dean grumbled.

“Isn’t it?” Meg asked sweetly. “And you’re his roommate.”

“Yep.”

“Lucky you.” She gave him a wink. Dean choked on his diet Coke, and Castiel prayed to whomever was listening that he might cease to exist.

“Meg,” he said, giving her a pointed look, “did you finish the homework?”

She pulled her eyes away from Dean. “Yeah, I did.” She dropped her voice. “Did you want to go over it? At my place?” She winked at Cas, who stared at her in horror. Why was she acting like this? “You know,” Meg continued, “We can do other things too. Besides accounting.”

Dean cleared his throat loudly. “I’m gonna go grab some more fries. Do y’all want anything?”

Cas and Meg shook their heads. When Dean had left the table, Cas gave Meg a death stare.

“What’s wrong with you?” He hissed. “I thought we covered this —”

“Yes, Cas, hun, I know you’re extraordinarily gay,” Meg said with an eyeroll. “I’m not actually interested. I’m just conducting an experiment.”

Cas narrowed his eyes. “What ‘experiment’—”

He closed his mouth abruptly and leaned away from Meg when he saw Dean returning from the buffet line. He returned to his seat, looking between Cas and Meg suspiciously. Cas downed his water in one swift action.

“So, Dean,” Meg said after taking a bite of her pizza. “I hear you’re educating our friend here on pop culture.”

Dean didn’t bother to look up at her while he swirled a fry in ketchup. “Guess so.”

Cas cleared his throat to interject. This direction of conversation was much better. “Meg asked what my favorite movie was,” he explained to Dean, who still hadn’t looked up from his plate. “I told her about how much I liked Back to the Future when we watched it last week.”

Dean gave him a small smile. “Yeah, that movie’s friggin’ awesome.”

Cas turned to Meg. “We’re watching The Exorcist tonight.”

Meg gasped dramatically. “So that’s why you blew off our date?”

Dean sputtered into his drink. “Date?” He said through a cough.

Cas looked helplessly at Meg, who unhelpfully smiled back. He was going to have words with her after this.

“I asked him to come to the SigEp party, but he said he was busy,” Meg said, feigning a pout. “But I get it, parties aren’t really Cas’s thing, anyway.”

Dean’s eyes flickered quickly between Cas and Meg. “All right, am I missing something?” He asked. His leg was bouncing against the table leg, hard enough that Cas’s plate was vibrating.

Cas looked at him, panicked, and stuttered out, “I don’t —”

“Like what?” Meg asked, sipping on her water.

“You his girlfriend or somethin’?”

This question delighted Meg. “Why don’t you ask him?”

Dean turned to Cas with an exasperated look. “Well?” He prodded.

Cas was sure he was about three different shades of red at this point. “What — I — no,” he sputtered.

Dean seemed to relax a little. Meg was still grinning like a madman. “There you go,” she said.

Castiel could not formulate a single coherent thought. He was confused as to how they even ended up here. The silence between the three of them was thick and awkward. Meg paid it no mind, just popped a strawberry in her mouth and gave Dean a sickly sweet smile. Dean excused himself to use the restroom, hitting his leg on the table and nearly tripping over his chair. Once he had left, Meg turned to Cas, her eyes sparkling.

“You are so in,” she said.

“What the hell was that?” He asked her. “What just happened?”

“He thinks I’m into you,” she explained. She took a bite of her pizza, then continued, “And he thinks you might be into me. And he hates that.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Cas scoffed.

Meg laughed, throwing her head back. When Cas fixed her with a glare, her eyes widened. “You really don’t see it?”

Cas pinched the bridge of his nose. “There’s nothing to ‘see’. I already told you.”

“Yeah, right. Whatever, you’ll thank me later.”

“For creating what is perhaps the most awkward dinner I’ve ever had in my life?”

She waved him off. “Don’t be such a baby, it wasn’t that bad.”

Cas gave her a look that suggested otherwise. She sighed.

“Look, the way you talk about him…” Meg grabbed Cas's hand when he rolled his eyes. “I’m serious. You like him, and now you know he likes you too.” She sat up proudly. “I just did all the heavy lifting for you.”

“Right,” Cas said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Obviously, this interaction points to an inevitable romantic encounter. Except, and I think this is important, Dean is not gay.”

Meg raised an eyebrow. “Well, the way he looks at you, he’s not straight either. Plus, he apparently still thinks you’re straight, so you two haven’t had that conversation yet. He could be flamingly bisexual and you would never know.”

“This conversation is exhausting.” Cas felt like he was watching a Disney Channel Original Movie, and Meg was a fifteen-year-old matchmaker.

Meg laughed. “I’m sure you’ll survive. By the way, did you actually want to go over the homework this weekend?”

“Yes,” he said, relieved at the change in subject.

Dean returned then. “Are y’all done?” He asked, pointing to their plates. Cas and Meg both nodded, offering “thank you’s” as Dean took their plates to the dish rack. They followed him to the exit, the crisp air sending a chill through Castiel.

“Did you want me to walk back with you, Meg?” Cas offered.

She beamed at him. “You’re so sweet, but no. I’m getting an Uber to Sig Ep, anyway.” She dug into her coat pocket and pulled out something small and black. “Plus, if anyone tries anything, they’ll find themselves electrocuted. Just a little bit.”

Cas grinned. Dean raised an eyebrow.

“See you on Monday, Cas,” Meg said, giving him a hug that lasted just a touch too long. “It was good to meet you, Dean.”

“You too,” Dean muttered.

They watched her walk away for a moment. Cas wanted to avoid looking at Dean for as long as humanly possible. He had no idea how he was supposed to explain the previous interaction.

“So,” Dean said, clearing his throat. “She’s… Nice.”

“She is,” Castiel agreed earnestly. “Dean, I’m sorry, Meg can be a bit…” He struggled to find an adequate descriptor. “I think she enjoys others’ discomfort a bit too much, sometimes,” he finished.

Dean let out a short laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. It’s not a big deal, man.”

They stood in silence, Dean looking at the ground intently, Cas tugging on the strings of his hoodie. Dean kicked a rock, then sighed. “You, uh, you ready to head back?”

“Yes,” Cas replied.

The walk back to their dorm was quiet. Castiel couldn’t tell for sure, but he thought Dean looked bothered. He felt bad — he had honestly expected for Meg and Dean to get along. He had thought them to be similar in their confident and boisterous personalities. Now, he wondered if that was precisely the problem. Too much personality at the same dinner table. He winced internally at his own poor judgement. Meg obviously took no issue with the encounter, but he worried that Dean might hold it against him.

Dean let them into their room, then wrinkled his nose at Cas once more. “Dude, seriously, go take a shower. You’re gross.”

“Actually, I enjoy the feeling of my sweat drying all over my skin. I was thinking of going straight to bed like this. It’s not as if I didn’t take a shower because of your constant insistence upon eating meals at the same time every day”

Dean made a gagging motion. “Hey, we had an appointment, and you were almost late. How is that my fault?”

Cas just rolled his eyes and gathered his things to head to the showers. He let out a muttered, “Crap” when he realized nearly all of his laundry was dirty. He’d been busy this week, and running every day tended to render his clothes unwearable after a single use. He made a mental note to do laundry first thing in the morning. He was able to find an old pair of gym shorts, but not a single t-shirt remained in his closet. Cas groaned inwardly. So he would simply have to sit next to Dean for approximately two-and-a-half hours, shirtless. Fantastic.

When he returned from his shower, Cas found Dean cooking two bags of popcorn, the title menu of The Exorcist already on screen. Dean stood up from the microwave when Cas entered, and was halfway into a thumbs-up when he did a double take.

“Uh… We goin’ shirtless tonight, Baywatch?” He said, tugging at his collar.

Castiel tilted his head. “I don’t understand that reference.”

“Of course you don’t,” Dean said with a chuckle. “Seriously, though, dude.”

Cas sighed as he sat on their beanbag. “I have a lot of laundry to do tomorrow,” he said by way of an explanation.

Dean didn’t respond, but made his way to his own closet. He ruffled through it for a moment before Cas was hit in the face by a t-shirt.

“Here, just wear one of mine,” Dean said. He coughed and crossed his arms over his chest. “‘S kinda cold in here, anyway.”

Cas held up the shirt. It was a Led Zeppelin graphic tee, vintage, from their tour in 1977. Cas raised his eyebrows at Dean.

“It’s pretty awesome right?” Cas donned the t-shirt. “Sammy got it for me from a Goodwill a couple years ago. Another of my prized possessions.” He looked at Cas with feigned scrutiny. “Looks good on you,” he said.

Cas played with the hem as he said, “Thank you.” Dean coughed again and walked back to the microwave to retrieve their popcorn. The air was palpable with awkwardness.

Dean turned out the lights. They settled onto the beanbag, as had become custom in the last few weeks.

Not even thirty minutes in, Dean’s phone began to ring. “Hey, my brother’s callin’, can you pause it?” Dean said.

Cas obliged, and Dean stood as he said, “Hey, Sammy, how’s it goin’?”

Cas sat awkwardly with his hands in his lap, doing his best not to eavesdrop on Dean’s conversation. Though, he supposed if it was private, Dean could have moved to the hallway. Instead, he leaned against the door, twisting the beaded bracelet on his left hand.

“He did what?” Dean suddenly yelled, and Cas jumped. Dean shot him a quick apologetic look. “

“Sammy, calm down, it’s okay,” Dean said, and Cas couldn’t pretend to not listen anymore. He looked at Dean with a silent question, but Dean was staring hard at the wall, his free hand balled into a fist.

“Put him on the phone,” Dean said in a low voice. A pause. “What, so now he’s allowed to treat you like shit whenever he wants?” Another pause. A slow exhale from Dean. “No, you’re right. I don’t… I won’t make it worse.” Pause. “Do you want me to come down there? Because I will, you know I will.”

Dean was silent for a long moment before asking, “Are you sure?” He sighed at whatever his brother said on the other line. “Okay. Let me know if you need anything, I guess. And Sam? I’m really fucking sorry. I should’ve stayed, I don’t…” He trailed off and pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, I know. Yeah. Okay, I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

Dean lowered the phone from his ear. He stood silently for a moment, angry gaze directed at the floor. Then, causing Cas to jump once more, he turned and hurled his fist at the door.

There was a loud thud upon impact, and then Dean was yelling “Fuck! Goddammit!” as he cradled his hand. Cas stood abruptly, but had no idea what to do. He walked toward Dean, cautiously.

Dean’s eyes were closed, and he was heaving deep breaths. Cas put a hand on his shoulder. “Dean?” He ventured.

“Sorry,” Dean mumbled, still not looking at Cas. “I just — Fuck, that was so stupid,” he said, shaking out his affected hand. “Sorry,” he repeated to the wall.

“It’s fine,” Cas said, even though he thought it definitely wasn’t. “What happened?”

Dean just shook his head. Cas’s hand remained on his shoulder. He tightened his grip, a little nervous that Dean might shove him off. “Dean,” he persisted. “You can tell me.”

Finally, Dean looked at him, and Cas thought if that level of rage was ever directed at him, he would promptly die. Instead, he raised an eyebrow. “Are you all right?”

“No,” Dean growled. “I gotta — I don’t know, I need to calm down. I don’t actually want to break something,” he said, motioning to the door. “I’m gonna go for a smoke.”

Cas dropped his hand and folded his arms across his chest. “I’ll go with you.”

“Cas —” Dean started, but Cas silenced him with a look. He grabbed one of Dean’s flannels from his desk chair and threw it at him. Dean caught it with a cross between surprise and irritation. Cas grabbed his own windbreaker and put it on, looking expectantly at Dean.

“Are we going?” He asked.

Dean looked at him as if he was trying to decide whether arguing was worth it. A sigh confirmed that it wasn’t. He silently pulled on his flannel and opened the door, ushering Cas through before exiting himself.

They walked in silence, despite the fervor of Cas’s concern and curiosity at Dean’s outburst. Dean’s jaw was set, and he took a long, slow breath when they hit the crisp fall air. When they reached the Impala, Cas silently moved to lean on the hood while Dean retrieved his lighter and a cigarette.

Dean joined Cas as he took a long draw. He exhaled the smoke upwards, his eyes closed. His face was still turned to the sky when he asked, “This really doesn’t bother you?”

“What?”

Dean brandished his cigarette in answer, turning to raise an eyebrow at Cas.

Cas shrugged. “It’s not particularly comforting. But, there are worse things.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked up thoughtfully. “Besides, you’ve been smoking for years. If anyone could convince you to quit, your random college roommate isn’t the most likely option.”

Dean gave him a strange look before exhaling another plume of smoke. He coughed a little. “I think you have long passed the line between ‘random roommate’ and ‘new best friend.’”

Cas gave a little chuckle. “That’s good to hear.” Inside, his world was falling down and rebuilding itself anew. Dean thought of Cas as his best friend. Cas had never known that feeling, to have someone care about him like that. Cas wondered if that could be enough, being Dean’s best friend.

He didn’t say anything more, though, just let Dean finish his cigarette. After throwing the butt on the pavement and stomping on it, he heaved a sigh.

“My dad…” He started, but paused. “He, uh, he said some stuff to Sam. My brother.”

Cas nodded, doing his best to keep his face neutral. Talking things through wasn’t Dean’s strong suit, and Cas didn’t want dramatics to make it more difficult.

“What did he say?”

Dean shifted and rubbed his hands together. “Bunch of bullshit. ‘It’s your fault your Mom’s dead, it should have been you instead of her.’” Dean rubbed a hand over his mouth. “I mean, he used to say that to me. He gets into these moods when he drinks, says a bunch of shit he doesn’t mean.”

Dean shoved himself off the hood and began to pace in front of Cas. “But I could take it, you know? Sammy’s just a kid. He doesn’t need to hear that.”

“Your father says things like this often?” Cas asked, a tinge of horror in his voice.

“He used to. But only to me. Never to Sam.”

Cas took a deep breath, trying to discern how best to proceed. “Dean,” he said slowly, “he shouldn’t say those things. Ever. Not to Sam, and not to you.”

“I’m just confused,” Dean said. “And pissed. Sam and him are usually okay. I mean, they’re not buddies or anything, but Dad leaves him alone for the most part.”

“I don’t want to overstep,” Cas said, “But it seems like your father used you as an outlet for misplaced rage. A punching bag, if you will. And now you’re gone, so Sam is the next best thing.”

Dean met Cas'seyes with a horrified look. “God. I didn’t… You’re right. Shit, this is my fault, I can’t believe I —”

“No, Dean,” Cas growled. He stood and grabbed Dean by both shoulders. “This is your father’s fault. Not yours.”

“But I left Sam, alone, with him,” Dean said, and Cas could see panic rising in his eyes. “How could I do that, why —” Cas interrupted him again. “Why did you decide to attend college, Dean? What’s the real reason?”

“What?” Dean gave him an incredulous look. “I don’t know.”

Cas tilted his head down, skeptical.

Dean let out a long sigh. “Okay, all right. I went because Sam is smart, and he needs to go. But we don’t have any money. So I figured if I came and got a degree or some shit, I could make enough to throw him some cash while he goes to school. Get some summer internships and save up for his college fund. He’d probably still have to take out loans and stuff, but if I got a good job, I could help him pay them off.”

Cas wasn’t sure what answer he had expected, but it wasn’t that one. He felt his heart break for the man standing in front of him, who did everything he could and more for the people he cared about and never felt like it was enough.

“Would Sam ever hold that against you?” When Dean didn’t respond, Cas continued. “I know I wouldn’t. I have four older siblings, and not a single one of them has ever done something like that for me.”

“But—”

“You’re making yourself miserable over something that isn’t your fault,” Cas said. “Did you have anyone protecting you when your father went on a tirade?”

“No, but—”

“Is Sam incapable of handling himself?”

“No, but Cas—”

“He’ll be alright, Dean,” Cas insisted. “You can’t live your whole life as his shield. You’ll break yourself trying.”

Dean was silent, and wouldn’t meet Cas's eyes. Cas dropped his hands and leaned back against the Impala. “Did you ever think that Sam might have wanted you to go to school simply so you could get yourself out? Did you ever think that Sam hates the way your father treated you as much as you hate what he did to Sam tonight?”

Dean pursed his lips together, but his jaw relaxed slightly. Finally, he muttered, “I guess I never thought about it like that.”

Cas felt relief wash over him. He’d never seen Dean like this — angry and frantic. Cas wondered if Dean always did this, shouldered the blame for every bad thing his brother had to endure. The thought made his chest hurt.

Dean’s hands were hanging limply at his side. He looked exhausted. Against his better judgement, Cas grabbed Dean by the forearm and pulled him into a hug. Dean was still for a moment, but then sighed and rested his head on Cas's shoulder.

“Sorry, man,” he said. “I didn’t mean to act like that, punching things and shit. I just get so angry, and I don’t know what to do with it.”

Cas was trying very hard to form a coherent thought. “There’s no need for apologies. I understand.”

A chuckle escaped Dean’s lips. “You must think I’m a complete nutjob, huh?”

Cas tilted his head in consideration. Dean’s hair tickled his cheek. “No. I think your father spent years verbally abusing you, and you’re doing your best in spite of that.”

Dean broke the hug abruptly. The sudden space between them felt criminal. “I mean, I don’t know if it’s abuse…” He started, but, at Cas's look, he trailed off. Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks, Cas,” he said quietly. “Honestly, dude, I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

Cas's cheeks warmed, and he shrugged. “You would have done the same for me.”

Dean gave him a small smile. Cas’s heart nearly broke with relief. “I’m beat,” he said. “Bed?”

Cas nodded eagerly. “Bed.”

When they reached the stairs, Dean broke the heavy silence.

“So…” He began. There was a false brightness in his voice; he was obviously searching for levity. “You hanging out with your girlfriend tomorrow?”

“If you’re referring to Meg, she’s still not my girlfriend,” Cas replied vacantly. “And yes.” He suddenly felt exhausted. First the mortifying dinner with Meg, then the heavy conversation with Dean. He hardly had it in him to field jokes about Meg being his girlfriend.

“She’s not your girlfriend yet,” Dean amended, giving Cas a smirk that didn’t meet his eyes.

And what was Cas supposed to say to that? Meg was funny and smart and beautiful. She and Cas studied together on the regular. There was absolutely no reason he shouldn’t be interested in Meg from Dean’s perspective.

Of course, if Dean knew he was gay…

Cas didn’t know if he could face the consequences of coming out to Dean. Would he be upset that Cas hadn’t told him earlier? Would he be uncomfortable with a gay man as his roommate? As his friend? Cas may have expanded his social circle, but he still couldn’t bear to lose Dean.

But, then again, Dean had defended him once already, without knowing whether or not he was gay. He’d sounded indifferent to the possibility then. And just tonight, he’d called Cas his best friend. Dean cared more deeply for his friends and family than anyone Cas had ever met. Cas was in that group. Dean wouldn’t shove him out of it because of who he loved.

Right?

As they reached the entrance to their hall, Dean poked Cas in the shoulder. “Hey, Earth to Major Tom,” he said. “You okay over there?”

Cas realized he hadn’t said a word since they started their ascent up the stairs. He sighed heavily.

Perhaps this was as good a time as any.

“Dean,” he said, but closed his mouth. He should just say it. He had nothing to worry about. This wasn’t Bartholomew. He knew that, but the words remained stuck in his throat.

“What?” Dean said, eyebrows raised. “Cas,” he prodded, waving a hand in front of Cas’s face.

“I’m not…” Cas swallowed. “I will never date Meg,” he finished, with a pointed look.

Dean side-eyed him as they walked to their door. “What, she’s not your type?”

Cas gave him a lopsided smile. “You could say that.”

“I dunno, man, maybe you should reconsider, you two are pretty adorable, in a gross way —”

“Dean.” Cas was about to rip his hair out. He wasn’t taking the hint. “She’s not my type. She’s a girl.”

Realization dawned on Dean’s face. “Oh,” he said.

“I apologize for not telling you sooner,” Cas said, bracing for the worst. “If that makes you uncomfortable, I understand —”

“What?” Dean practically shouted. At Cas’s look of surprise, he lowered his voice. “No, Cas, are you kidding? I thought I told you, after all that shit with Cole. It’s not a big deal.”

“Knowing your roommate might possibly be gay and knowing he is, indeed, gay are two very different things.”

Dean looked at Cas like he had just made the worst joke in the world. “I’m not gonna, like, try to move out.” As they approached their room, Cas stared resolutely ahead, walking with purpose. But Dean jumped out in front of him, a hand on Cas’s chest to stop him in his tracks.

“Dude, it’s gonna take more than that to get rid of me. I lost my shit and punched a door, like, an hour ago, and you barely even blinked.” Dean crossed his arms over his chest.

Cas met Dean’s eyes and found unparalleled sincerity.

“I don’t… You’re not the least bit upset?” Cas asked, slightly incredulous.

Dean shrugged. “You’re my best friend, Cas,” he said as he straightened. “Nothing’s gonna change that.” He pulled on his bracelet. “I do feel bad though, for making you feel like you couldn’t tell me. Not that you had to, or anything,” he added in a rush.

Cas shook his head vigorously. “It has nothing to do with you, Dean. I’m… I’m new at this,” Cas explained. “The first time, with Bartholomew… I believe he was, as you would say, a dick about it.”

Dean’s eyes turned stormy. “Bastard,” he said. “I’m sorry, Cas. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that.”

Cas nodded. “You’re right. It was rather unfortunate. I haven’t spoken to him since the night I told him I was gay.”

Dean moved back to Cas’s side and slung an arm around his shoulders. “His loss,” he said. “You’re friggin’ awesome, dude.”

Cas smiled. Dean patted him on the back and let the two of them into their room.

Cas brushed his teeth and climbed into bed. Dean returned minutes later from a shower, and he flipped off the lights as he made his way to his own bunk.

Cas pulled off Dean’s shirt and threw it across the room. Dean’s head caught it, and he yelped.

“Thank you for the loan,” Cas said, smiling.

An odd expression crossed Dean’s face before he threw the Zeppelin shirt back to Cas. “Keep it,” he said. When Cas gave him a confused look, he put a hand on the back of his neck. “I meant what I said. Looks good on you.”

---------

tagging @nguyenxtrang :)))

#supernatural #destiel #deancas #destiel fic #spn

13 notes · View notes

goodnightallwhites · 4 years

Text

Snowbunny Gone Dark by Zenalite

Chapter 1 - Kana Kana sat on one of the many boxes outside waiting for the movers to show up. It was another suffocating summer day in Germany, but at least soon she and her boyfriend would be moving to a bigger, cooler apartment in the nicer part of town. And to think they said cosplaying wouldn’t get me anywhere. Not only did her supporters on Patreon get her by comfortably on a day to day basis, but they also ensured she would be living it up. I could probably make even more than this, she realized at times. Her fiance was very much against her going beyond the current pin-ups; but if he ever changed his mind, or if God forbid something happened to him… I’d really be raking in the dough. Kana broke away from her empty daydreaming when she noticed a few men staring at her from the Turkish shawarma place across the street. The grinned and spoke hurriedly with one another, but their eyes never left her. They even wore their traditional Islamic dress, whatever it was called… Please don’t come over here. She averted her eyes. Pretending a problem didn’t exist was a stupid way to deal with things, but it had been her way of handling awkward social situations ever since she had been a kid. Her legs were bare, and Kana suddenly wished she had worn more. Granted, even her casual clothes now had become a little slutty as a consequence of all the hot cosplaying. What she wore today - a pair of jean shorts, frilly blouse, and a lacey white choker - would no doubt be seen as anything but casual by a normal person. One of the guys from across the street checked both ways, getting ready to cross over. Please, don’t… But just then, a huge truck rounded past the corner and came down the street, with loud rap music blasting from the open windows. Kana got up and decided to make a run for it upstairs and watch for the movers from the window instead. But as padded towards the entrance to the building, the rap music got cut off and the truck pulled over audibly. Huh? Two brawny African guys stepped out, talking with each other in a mix of German, English, and something Kana couldn’t even recognize. Both of them wore baggy shorts, and only one of them bothered with a top. The other put his ripped and tattooed chest proudly on display. Were these guys seriously her movers? They stepped up to the clustered boxes and then shot her a glance. “You the one?” Kana’s mouth opened but it took her a while to speak. “J-J-Ja,” she managed at length. For some reason, speaking with immigrants always made her default to a fancy German accent that sounded comical to others. The shirted guy laughed. “You alright?” She swallowed, feeling dazed by the sun and the pressure. “Yes.” “Well, alright.” He went and opened the back of the truck while the shirtless guy grabbed the box that held the washing machine with an ease that shocked her. She remembered the way she and her fiance nearly killed themselves struggling to get it downstairs, and this guy just lifted it up like that… Though she had grown up fancying the pretty boys from manga and dating only the sweet, shy guys like her soon-to-be husband, the few moments in real life when she had seen men display raw physical power always put butterflies in her stomach. Her knees weakened. “You gonna help us out?” the shirtless guy barked. “M-Me?” She lowered her eyes. “But I’m so useless! I’d only inconvenience you, sir.” The other guy suddenly cracked up so hard he had to lower the box he picked up. “Sir? Did you just call this nigger right here ‘sir’?” Kana could only stammer in response, her cheeks blushing faintly. “I’m sorry.” The shirted guy narrowed his eyes. “Hey. Don’t I know you?” He took a step closer to her. “Wait, yes, I do! Holy shit, don’t tell me you’re her. Are you Kana? The cosplayer?” He knew her? The recognition only made her redden up like a cherry. She stared down at the sunbaked pavement, unsure of what to do or say. “You know, I used to be your Patron.” “O-Oh... “ Used to be? “Thank you…” she said weakly. “I always hoped you’d do some more hardcore stuff. But it never happened.” “My boyfriend doesn’t really approve of that.” The guy shrugged. “Who cares? It ain’t him that’s paying you, is it? And I doubt he’s that good at fucking you. By the looks of him, I’d say he’s a low-test beta that can barely satisfy you.” The tattooed guy went to work, loading up the other boxes, but the shirted one came up to her. Out of nowhere, he grabbed her hand. “Maybe when we’re done moving you to that other place, you can cosplay a bit for us.” “Uh… I don’t know…” Cosplay for him? How could she do that? No, I can’t! The whole thing just made her mind reel. If only her fiance was here. He would freak out to see her getting chatted up by a guy like this. A black guy especially… Kana always had the misfortune of attracting pervs that went out and grabbed her, and almost all of them were black. Even before the cosplay fame, back during the early school days, some of the black students she barely even knew sometimes tapped her ass as she went by… “We’ll see. I’m Adisa, by the way.” The shirtless guy went for the TV, but didn’t even notice that another box rested on top of it. At some point Kana had run out of tape and simply repurposed some packages from electronics for clothes… As he pulled it, the super stuffed PS4 box that held all of her underwear got pulled with it, and came crashing down to the pavement. The lid came undone and her myriad pairs of lacey and cutetsy panties spilled out, some getting carried off by the low breeze. Kana stood frozen, absolutely mortified at what had happened. You dumb ape! she wanted to cry. But it was her own fault for failing to secure it properly… And now everyone, both of the Africans, along with the Muslim from across the street and all the passersby stared down at her lingerie. One pair in particular, made of tightly-fitting white cotton with a laced decoration at the front and pink ribbons on the side, got carried off across the street by the breeze. She knew that pair. Her boyfriend had made them for her ages ago. Kana sped after them, not even thinking, barely bothering to check for any incoming cars as she dashed to the other side. But before she could reach them, one of the Muslim men hurried and picked them up. He immediately brought them up to his nose and sniffed. “Ahhh…” She couldn’t even speak. What could she say? This was such a blatant display of perversion that her mind had no ready response prepared to deal with it. “Uhm…” “Oh, excuse me,” he said with a thick accent. “Those are mine…” said Kana weakly. “Well. They’re mine now.” He grinned lasciviously and tucked them in his robe. He made to go when she reached out and grabbed him by the arm. “Please! You can’t take those. I need them.” She didn’t have the heart to tell her fiance that she lost them. Never mind that they went to a person like this. The dark and beady held her. “Hmm. Well. Why don’t you do something for me in return?” “Like what?” “Like give me a kiss.” The two black guys joined her now. “There a problem here?” asked Adisa, all heated up and sweating. “What’s wrong?” Kana struggled to speak. “This m-m-man… He has my panties. And he won’t give them back.” “Of course I will! I just told you how.” Adisa heard both their stories and nodded sagaciously. Kana could tell that what he decided would go. The Muslim guy feared him, but he positively in awe of the glistening physique of his tattooed companion. My dark knights… thought Kana happily. They would save her from this nonsense. “Well,” said Adisa thoughtfully. “I think there’s a simple solution this.” His eyes swivelled to Kana. “You just gotta kiss the man and be done with it.” “Excuse me?!” Kana took a step back from the three instinctively. How could they side with that creep… With… “Come on, you want them back, don’t you? It will only take a second. Just kiss him and be done. I’m not going to beat him up over this, if that’s what you’re waiting for. You should’ve taken better care of your things.” What!! The nerve on these people… Yet, she couldn’t just let it go. She needed those panties. It would be easy to hide that this happened from her fiance, but if she ended up without them, he would begin to assume all sorts of stuff.. “Fine, then,” Kana whispered to herself for reinforcement. She would just get it over with quickly and be done. She stepped up to the old man and closed her eyes, waiting for the inevitable. Here she was,a famous cosplayer with hundreds of thousands of fans, with a booming Patreon, with a wonderful fiance, giving herself to this pervert Muslim… He could feel his stinky breath hitting her face as he closed in. His hand pawed at her ass, squeezing it and slapping it playfully, while his other hand came up to grope her breasts and massage them through her top. “That’s not--” Her words were interrupted by his filthy tongue ramming itself into her mouth. It went in deep, crushing her own tongue in the process, swimming freely in her precious little mouth and filling it up with his booze-laced spit… Don’t… thought Kana. But there was nothing to be done. The old guy did whatever he wanted with her in the moment, moving those hairy gnarled hands all over her soft, creamy body and raping her mouth at leisure. Adisa and his friend watched it all with a glint of amusement in their eyes, arms folded as they chatted up in their African tongue. Don’t you laugh at me! It’s your fault! When Kana finally untangled herself from the guy, glimmering threads of spit still connected their mouths, and both her ass and breasts were sore from the brutalizing touch of his hands. These Muslims really are savages! She noticed Adisa staring, and then saw that a trickle of spit had dribbled down her chin and ran all the way down to wetten her and spoil her blouse. Angered by it all, Kana went ahead and snatched the panties from the old man, then ran across the street with the beginning of tears in her eyes and collected the rest of her panties from the ground. She knelt down and bent over to pick them all up, a movement that caused her skintight shorts to stretch that much more and paint clear pantylines over the fabric. The shorts came up and gave a glimpse of the lower part of her supple butt cheeks. They tightened against her crotch, and Kana could feel the bundled up denim grinding against her pussy lips. For some reason… The whole thing turned her on. She could hear the footsteps of the two movers coming back. No doubt, they were watching her display her ass. They said nothing though. Instead, Kana gently swayed her ass and hips, unable to stop the waves of arousal that now built up inside her. How could she feel so aroused after that gross guy kissed her? She felt as stupid as one of those hentai characters now, used against her will yet horny all the same. Truth be told, she hadn’t gotten any action in a few days. And no real action… since the last time her fiance had gone away for a week and left her home alone. Though she loved him with all her heart, Kana couldn’t deny that his strength did not lie in pleasuring a woman. When they were younger she dismissed her concerns and thought he would get better. But now she had no illusions - he was simply too small, and though she had never acknowledged this in any way, she suspected that it took a toll on his subconscious and kept him from performing properly. Even for his size, he never got that hard, and a few gentle strokes was all it took to get him to come… “You okay?” asked Adisa. “Need any help?” “I’m fine…” She finished stuffing all the panties back into the box, then got up and carried it over to the truck. Kana noticed that both the black guys had stopped working now and stared at her instead. Not only that, but… Kana swallowed. … their cocks were clearly hard inside of their shorts. The ultra-thin, loose fabric outlined their stiffening rods perfectly. But what shocked her were their size. Enough of those BLACKED memes floated around for her to pique her interest in black guys, but she had always assumed that most weren’t that gifted. These two, though… They were very gifted. Kana found herself staring at Adisa’s big black cock and the way it snaked down his thigh. Just half an inch more - just half an inch! - and she would see the engorged head coming out. How in the world could anyone be that big? Fuck, but that’s so hot, she had to admit, but only in the quiet, private regions of her mind. Just thinking about it made her feel bad. It was bad enough that she preferred doing it alone than with her fiance. She couldn’t think about other guys though - too much guilt. In the past few months, she had only touched herself thinking about submitting before an aggressive dog. Surely, doing it with a dog could not be cheating. But this… Adisa grabbed his monster cock candidly through the shorts and adjusted it. Kana pried her gaze away immediately, but when her eyes came back she could see him staring at her knowingly. “No need to be ashamed,” he said. “We were staring at you too.” You were? Kana became aware of the intense way in which they stared at her now. Her visceral reaction to anyone staring at her was always poor, since she figured that they stood over her in judgment. But the way their dark eyes lingered over her body made her understand that they not only approved, but wanted her. Her knees rubbed together as she squeezed her thighs instinctively. She wondered what it would be like to feel one of those black cocks inside her. Even her dildo felt much better compared to her fiance, and that little thing wasn’t even half of the size of these monsters… They’re hard for me, she realized at last with full apprehension, and her vision almost swam with excitement. “We should finish up and get a move on,” said Adisa. Sweat trickled down her face as she sought to suppress the sudden lust she felt for these two black studs. Her chest heaved as she panted, her face all red with embarrassment. She couldn’t and wouldn’t look away from their magnificent cocks anymore. She watched them gloriously in the shorts as they finished moving the last of the boxes, the rods as thick and long as police batons. Most of the time, she had to struggle to find her fiance’s small cock if they initiated after dark. The comparison wasn’t even fair… Once they were done, the tattooed guy gruffly went up into the truck and slammed the door. “It’s too hot,” explained Adisa. “He doesn’t like it.” “Oh, I’m sorry… “ “Don’t worry. Maybe we can cool down at your place.” “Y-Yeah…” She glanced down at his beautiful black cock. Would she do it? “I sure hope so.” Betraying her fiance would be the worst thing that she could ever do, but… Adisa got behind her and wrapped his arm around her waist. “Why don’t we take a picture of your place together? To commemorate it.” “Oh… Oh, yeah!” He took out his phone and prepped it for a selfie. But his arm held her tighter, and the curve of his throbbing cock suddenly pushed against the small of her back and nestled there. Couldn’t he feel it to? He had to. Yet he made no move to shift it away. If anything, it pulsed even harder now that it pressed directly against her. “Smile,” said Adisa. Kana brought her hands up to make peace signs and smiled warmly at the camera. All while a strong black guy held her from behind and grinned, his arm wrapped around her tiny waist. He snapped a photo. “There we go!” Kana felt too shy to ask him whether or not he would upload it and tag her. At the same time, the idea of other people seeing her with that guy without knowing what was going on turned her on. Even if her were to ask, she could deny it. It was his fault for not staying around for the movers to show up anyway… As they made their way to get into the truck Adisa gave her a playful slap on the butt. “You best be careful, cosplay girl.” The Volkswagen was an old model with cramped seats and no air conditioner. The shirtless guy fanned himself with a crumpled up newspaper when Kana clambered inside and sat next to him. Adisa climbed up and trapped her between the two of them. The truck started off, and the two guys couldn’t stop complaining about the heat. Kana pinched her shirt and fanned it against her chest. She could tolerate the summer heat to a certain extent, but this was far more than that.. They’re going to fuck me, she thought. All that talk until now… They were going to carry all the stuff inside her new place and then she would offer them a few drinks and… And they’ll fuck me. The idea that she would be taking two big black cocks inside her finally registered. I’m going to get blacked, too. Of course she could pull out of it. Find an excuse or something. But - her gaze swept over both their hard abs and throbbing cocks - I don’t want to. She would find a way to deceive her fiance. Probably, he wouldn’t even have an inkling about it. The problem is finding a way to live with myself after. “Yo, Kana, aren’t you hot?” asked Adisa. She smiled stupid. “I’m practically dying.” Adisa brought his black fingers down and felt the fabric of her blouse with a suggestive look in his eyes. “This is making you too hot. Let’s take it off.” Before she could protest, he lifted her arms up and slipped it off, then threw it on the dashboard. All that remained for a top was her lacy white bra. Though, it was a skimpy bra to begin with that she usually wore for cosplay sessions and less for practical purposes, with two tight cups that squeezed her breasts hard and left the upper part of them completely uncovered. The extreme and perfectly round curves were up for display. The bright noon light that streamed through the window caressed and warmed them, and Kana could see that Adisa stared at them intensely. With every jolt that passed through the truck, the soft flesh of her pale breasts trembled in response. “They look so soft,” said Adisa. “May I?” May he what? Her mind reeled. Touch them? Was he asking permission to feel up her breasts? Nobody had ever done that before! Not even her fiance. He did it sometimes, and a few other guys had groped her here and there or pretended to brush against her breasts, but no one had tried to get her candid permission. “G-Go ahead,” she finally whispered in a sultry tone. Nothing seemed more important right now than seeing those strong black fingers enjoying her creamy breasts. Nothing. Not even her fiance and future marriage. “Please, sir,” she added. Adisa reached up and began to move the tips of his fingers over their surface and to circle around the vulgar curves, all the way down between her deep cleavage. “Your skin’s so nice and smooth… A silky white girl, just how I like them.” “Thank you, sir…” Why did it feel so nice and so right to call him that? Sir. It had always been strange to call her teachers and other figures that way. But somehow, calling this strong and well-endowed black guy that came natural to her. Even just gazing at him, he just looked so much stronger than all the white guys she had seen. Of course, he could probably beat her fiance with his pinky. But even compared to white guy that were supposed to be tough or athletes, he simply ranked so much higher… They stopped at a red light, at which point the tattooed friend reached over and place his hand on her thigh. So big. So black. For the first time she noticed that his hand had been inked up as well, with tribal patterns coming along the throbbing veins that calloused fingers. Outside, Kana could see the people waiting at the crossing for the light to change. A few of them glanced up, but Kana told herself they couldn’t see anything. Even though a few of them stared… It would’ve been embarrassing to know that random people would’ve seen her getting groped by black hands like this, especially if an old classmate or a family friend happened to be among the crowd… The drive to the new place would take at least an hour, especially in this kind of loaded traffic. But that only made the flowing action in the truck that much easier to keep going. Black fingers ran over her breasts and neck, her tight stomach and protruding hip bones, her slender neck, down her juicy thighs and between the freshly-washed hair. And every single one of their movements sent tingles of pleasure down to her pussy and put happy butterflies in her tummy. Kana submitted eagerly, amazed that two black alpha males like these would show interest in a nerdy white girl like her. And also blown away by the way she felt. She had been with her boyfriend for eight years now, a time long enough to forget such total lust if she had ever experienced it to begin with. Breathing became a challenge. She panted like a bitch in heat under their touch, red as a cherry from the embarrassment of showing off in this way. From appearing like such a desperate slut. Maybe I am a desperate slut. Certainly, the more they did and the more she saw of their bodies, the more apprehensive she became of that fact. Even if her fiance found out, she would apologize. He loves me. He’ll understand. After all, this wasn’t her fault. She never asked for these feelings. No more than it’s his fault for having a tiny cock. Did Kana choose for him to be born a beta white guy that couldn’t satisfy her? Not at all! “C-C-Can…” She swallowed, struggled to speak at all. Her chest jiggled up and down vulgarily as she fought to breathe normally. “What’s that?” Adisa caressed her face with the back of his hand, as a master would a good pet. “What is it?” “C-Can I touch you t-t-too? Sir…” “Oh, go ahead!” Kana’s small pale and rushed down and grabbed both their black cocks through the shorts as if she clung to them for dear life. “Fuck,” she whispered. She did it. She actually did it. The big black cocks were in her hands. Too late to turn back now… They throbbed powerfully in her grasp, in a way her fiance’s tiny white dicklet never could. These were different. These are black cocks. She traced her fingers over the bulging veins through the yielding fabric, desperately to feel the heat of them directly against her skin. Instead of slowing down, she felt them up in a mad rush, afraid to be deprived of them at any moment, still in total disbelief that anything this big could be real, and that she was not only allowed to touch them, but they were made hard by her unworthy white body. How can they be so fucking big? No wonder so many of her friends were dating black guys. The jokes about their size were always made, but Kana never expected them to be all true… Her phone vibrated against her. Fuck! It could’ve been her fiance. She needed to answer, but she couldn’t even get herself to stop touching their cocks. And before she made up her mind to do so, Adisa deftly pulled her phone out of its pocket. On the screen, Kana could see her fiance’s name staring at her. A feeling of disappointment in herself and revulsion hit her strongly… but she didn’t release either of the two cocks out of her grip. There was no time to do anything. Adisa tilted his head and gave her a lopsided grin, then flicked his thumb and answered in her stead, putting the phone on speaker. “Baby? You okay? Took you a long time to answer…” her fiance said worriedly. The two black guys cackled under their breath. Oh, honey… Kana bit her lip wondering what to say. But even as she struggled to find the right words to say to the man in her life, all her brain pumped into being were thoughts of how amazing the two big black cocks she held were, and how annoyed she was at nearly being interrupted from touching them. “I’m fine!” she cried weakly. “Still on the road.” “Were those guys okay?” “Oh, yeah, they’re great!” He laughed nervously. “You sound a little tense.” “No, no, no…” She felt the tattooed guy’s cock throb wildly against her palm and grow to an even larger size than before. How was that even possible… Did it seriously turn him on so much to hear her talking to her boyfriend? “I’m good, I promise.” “Okay… I think I’ll be done here soon. Then I’ll go to our new place and help.” “Sure thing.” As she spoke, Adisa caressed her arm reassuringly and slowly reached behind her. At first Kana assumed he only meant to prop her up for comfort. But then she could feel him messing with the lock of her bra. Oh, no, don’t! Not while I’m on the phone… But even as the clasp came undone and the bra began to fall, she still clung to their cocks and stroked them affectionately, idly wondering which one would turn out to be the biggest of the two. She would have to work hard and arouse them both as much as possible. “Honey?” Kana watched her bra slowly slip away, inch by inch, until it finally toppled over and fell into her. “Y-Y-Yes, dear?” She couldn’t keep calm. Her breasts were fully exposed before these two strangers, these strong black alphas, and they jiggled in crazed excitement in their newfound freedom. “I love you.” Adisa placed his palms under her hefty breasts and lifted them appraisingly, eyes going wide at how perky they managed to be in spite of the vulgar size. The black fingers came up to circle around the diffused area of her areolas. “I love you too, baby!” stammered Kana recklessly. She couldn’t do this. The call needed to end. She could barely keep her head straight even without having to respond to her fiance. Her nipples, which rarely hardened even in the cold and almost never responded positively to any playful teasing, were suddenly fully erect and shot out like little pink bullets. And as soon they came into contact with the black fingers, an overwhelming bolt of pleasure electrified her body and made her shudder weakly. “Well, I see you’re not very talkative,” her fiance said, annoyed now. Kana tried to speak low. “Honey, I’m still in the truck. You know how I am. I’m nervous.” “Oh.” He sighed deeply, sounding more understanding. “Okay, then, we’ll talk at home. Bye, bunny.” Adisa ended the call before she could reply in turn, then chuckled grimly. “Bunny?” he asked her, his dark eyes boring into hers. “Is that what you are?” “I don’t know…” “I’d say you’re a snowbunny.” He pushed his fingers hard into the yielding, soft flesh of her full breasts. “Aren’t you?” “Yes, sir…” mewled Kana submissively. “I definitely am a snowbunny.” They weren’t just words, either. As embarrassing and as strange as this whole affair turned out to be, it opened up new doors to her that she never thought possible. Experiencing anything but the tame, boring sex she got from her fiance or the pathetic masturbation sessions she tried to sneak into her schedule unnoticed hadn’t entered her mind. All the pleasure she had denied her body for the last eight years by being with her fiance came pouring down on her in an unstoppable flood that drowned her judgment, her morals, and any sense of decency. These godly big black cocks broke that dam, and she had no way of building it back now. And I don’t want to. The worst thing that could happen now was that her fiance would leave her. And is that really so bad? She could pursue wholly new things, expand her offerings on her Patreon, and possibly find heights of sexual pleasure unimagined by others. A once in a lifetime opportunity. As her eyes finally lifted from from the two black studs at her sides, Kana noticed that they were in the center of town. Were they taking a detour? What’s worse, she now knew with certainty that the people on the other side of the window pane could see her. One older lady that had a Slavic look about her narrowed her eyes as she stared into the truck and crossed herself. Jealous bitch, thought Kana. They could all stare. To hell with them. She was accomplished cosplayer that made more money dressing up for fun than they did by working their shitty jobs. And now, she found the affection of two wonderful black men. If they became a problem, her switching towns would be their loss. “I can’t wait to get there.” “Me neither,” Adisa said. “What do you say you do a little cosplay for us?” Kana giggled. “As what?” “I’ll think about it.” He tugged lovingly at her swollen nipples. Kana smiled and melted away, her body coming undone with arousal. She sank into the seat and slid down, her legs opening wide instinctively. This was heaven. In her mindless cocklust, she couldn’t even tell that they reached the new place until Adisa gently slapped her back into the world. All she did was nervously think over how she would take their cocks inside, and in what way she would seek to pleasure each as much as she could. To serve their black cocks with her utmost. “Come on, bunny,” said Adisa. “We made it.” Both the guys hopped down from the truck, leaving Kana feeling alone and needy. She searched for her top and bra, but couldn’t find them anywhere. She made a hand bra and went after the two. “Have you seen my clothes?” Adisa shook his head and smiled wickedly. “Haven’t seen them, sorry.” The way he said it sent a chill down her spine. People passed by on the street giving her long looks, eyes lingering over the overflowing flesh of her breasts and her smooth, pale back. She would sure make an impression on the new neighbors. The tattooed guy opened up the back of the truck. “Where do we take these?” he asked gruffly. “Oh, right. Shit. I forgot. I have to go to my landlord first. Can you search for a box that’s labelled for clothes?” “Hold on,” said Adisa, grabbing her wrist. “What do you need clothes for? You know where this landlord is?” Kana gulped. She already sensed what he wanted her to do. “Yeah.” “Well, let’s go see him.” They entered the classy building together holding hands, Kana struggling to hold her breasts with a single arm. They swayed violently as they went up the steps, and she found herself craving desperately to feel the weight of them taken away by Adisa’s strong black hands. They went up to the third floor, found the door, and knocked. Kana wondered what her landlord’s reaction would be at seeing her half-naked and holding hands with a buff and shirtless African. She and her fiance had presented themselves as a nice, quiet, almost old-fashioned German couple. The door cracked open warily. “Who’s that?” rasped a voice from the other side. “It’s m-me!” said Kana. “The girl from downstairs. I’m here with the movers and I need to pick up the keys.” The eyes peered at her intensely. “You?” Adisa leaned against the door and sent it flying open. He quickly apologized, but now the obese landlord stood before them in the light, with an angered expression. “I thought you were moving in with your fiance!” cried the old man. He gesticulated towards her bare top and Adisa. “What’s the meaning of this? I’m not bringing in people like you in my building, I can tell you that.” Oh, you annoying cunt, thought Kana. But all she could do was smile awkwardly. She opened her mouth to speak when she had both her hands yanked behind her back and yelped painfully instead. Adisa held her down from the back, her hands positioned in such a way that her fingers could move over the huge head of his cock. He pushed her forwards and arched her back theatrically, presenting her breasts before the landlord. His angry expression went away, and instead he leered down at her perky and full breasts with great interest. Without a word from anyone, his gnarled, liver-spotted hands came up to cup them. He smiled as stupidly as a little boy. “My, what amazing breasts…” “See!” said Adisa. “And you want her to leave this building.” The landlord swallowed uncomfortably as he massaged the creamy flesh between his ancient fingers. “It’s not me… It’s these neighbors…” “You’ll talk to them. You’ll make them understand. And in exchange, I think Kana will be real grateful. She’ll even come over and take care of you from time to time. Won’t you, snowbunny?” “Yessir,” said Kana eagerly. She glanced down at the way those veiny old hands groped her chest, and focused instead on how vigorously Adisa throbbed in her grip. She would let this old man do whatever and whenever he wanted. So long as she had some time with Adisa after it all, all would be well. The landlord agreed to the terms and waddled off to bring the keys. “Told you it would work,” said Adisa. You actually didn’t tell me anything… Not that she minded. She had spent her whole life worrying about making the wrong decision. It was one of the few things she hated about her fiance. He thought he was being sweet by letting her make decisions or trying to consult with her - in reality, all she wanted was for him to take the lead and tell her what to do and when to do it. Serving was much easier. Kana took the keys from the old man and jingled them happily as they went back down to the truck. She couldn’t believe that it had been so easy to solve that problem. It took them week and weeks of back and forths to get that stupid geezer to even see them for real, and then they’d spent days deciding what to wear and what to say. And all it took to bring him from the brink was letting him have some fun with her breasts. I need to stop underestimating my natural charms, thought Kana, only half-jokingly. The tattooed friend had already moved most of the boxes by himself at the right door. “It was on the papers,” he explained. “Oh,” said Kana. She opened the door for them and entered the lofty and luxurious apartment space. Everything was so much nicer here. The white-paneled walls, the flawless floorboards, the enormous windows that poured in sunlight, and the balcony opening that let in clear, fresh air, and faced the center of the city, with the cityscape spreading below her. “Nice place you got here,” said Adisa. The guys dropped off the first series of boxes. “We’re going to have to christen it together.” Kana smiled at them mischievously. “Yes, we will.” She offered to make the guys some drinks and went into the large kitchen that connected to the living room, already stocked with silverware, appliances, and some basics like coffee and wine. Kana first poured herself a glass of wine and gulped it down. She took a deep breath, feeling the cold liquid going into the fiery warmth of her body. I needed that. She poured herself another. And then one more. She couldn’t hold her drinks very well, but today she felt fiercely thirsty and in need of a boost to break the remaining barriers in her psyche. I need to make these guys happy. By the time she went back to them with two slender glasses filled to the brim with wine, all the stuff lay clustered in the corner and the door had been closed. Her two black studs rested on the pristine white couch and had taken off their shoes to stretch their legs over the antique table in front of them. “Thanks,” said Adisa. “My pleasure, sir,” said Kana with a delighted giggle. It made her so happy to please them. That’s what I’m for. Their snowbunny… Adisa yawned and folded his muscular arms over his toned abs. “I was thinking, Kana. Why don’t you cosplay Atago for us? I’d like that.” “A-Atago!” Kana bobbed her head. “Right! I’ll go get ready, sir.” Adisa grinned. “Good girl.” It’s happening, she thought. I’m going to fuck them. She needed to hurry about it too. Her fiance could come over at any moment. She wanted at least an hour with the studs before she had to go back to that. Just thinking about having to pretend to like her soon-to-be-husband’s little dicklet again made her groan with disgust. I love him, but that’s just too much. She went through the boxes in a mad rush, trying to find the costume before the studs lost all interest. Finally, she came over the one labeled the right way and headed with it into the bedroom. She dressed up as quickly as she could and perfumed herself thoroughly, making sure to spare a few drops for the insides of her thighs as well. They’ll be going all over… When she finally walked back into the living room, heels clacking in announcement, she only found Adisa lying sleepily on the couch. “Where’s your friend?” “Bathroom.” His eyes opened and widened as soon as he saw her. “Jesus. But you look good.” Kana smiled and twirled before him. “Thank you, sir.” “Come here…” She went and sat down in his lap, feeling her ass press against his thick cock. Adisa stroked her thighs and opened her legs up, and finally brought her mouth low for a kiss. My third partner. She hated that the Muslim guy had gotten to kiss her before Adisa, but then, so had her wimpy white boyfriend. You can always start fresh. They made out lovingly, exploring each other’s body slowly. Kana couldn’t believe how good every part of him felt to the touch - how hard and tough all his muscles were. She got too used to her slouch of a boyfriend. Just seeing flawless, smooth, dark and hard flesh was enough to make her mouth water. Adisa leaned his head back and closed his eyes as muttered her adoration and kissed his upper body in pure worship. “You’re so beautiful...” she repeated. Her fingers traced over his stunning abs repeatedly. “So strong and so nice.” “Goddamn,” he said, giggling darkly. “Snowbunnies really are the best.” Kana smiled shyly and slid down from his body, then knelt before him as a willing slave, not daring to touch his cock without direct permission. She watched it move under the weathered shorts like a monster under the surface of the water, revealed and only a step away from being displayed in its full crowning glory. “You want that?” “More than anything,” said Kana. “I’ll trade you for it. You give me that ring, and I’ll breed you.” Breed me… Her memory ignited with all those memes and raceplay porn she had seen floating around Tumblr. ONLY WHITE GIRLS CAN BRING ABOUT WHITE EXTINCTION. DO YOUR PART. Captioned on top of a picture of a blonde teen with her mouth stretched out by a big black cock. There were tons. She found them cringy in the past, but now… Maybe they had a point. The idea of being pumped with black seed and being made into a breeding toy held an unimaginable appeal… Her eyes went down to the slender, diamond studded ring. She had cried so much when her fiance offered it. Accepted the proposal without so much as a second thought. Now… Kana took the ring off and held it out towards Adisa. He took it from her without hesitation and put it on his own finger. “You’re desperate to get blacked, aren’t you?” The word came out breathless: “Yes.” Adisa stood up before her and dropped his shorts. His enormous cock stood a mere inch away from her face, its veins bulging down the shaft. Kana was so stunned by it she couldn’t even reach out to grab it. He laughed and took a step forwards, letting it slap her gently across the face. The heated black cock pressed against her lips and nose, its musky smell filling up her nostrils. Her pussy tingled in response, no longer able to withhold the flood of juices that threatened to spoil her panties. Kana kissed it gently, relishing the feeling of the soft dark skin against her lips, then brought her hands up and began to massage the massive cock as she stroked it with her flickering tongue. The whole thing glistened with her spit and got stiffer with every passing second, the giant head pushing aside the foreskin to emerge, throbbing and leaking delicious seed. Kana lapped it happily, unable to make out what Adisa was saying. He held her by the hair and murmured approvingly. To think I’m here now. Sucking a big black cock. It was all so dirty and naughty. Christening her new home by betraying her fiance and selling out his most precious gift for a good dick. I really am a slut, thought Kana, rubbing her pussy through the soaked panties. But that only made it feel that much better. A heavy weight came down upon her head. She moved her face up to see the other BBC that rested on her forehead, ready for action. With one in each hand, she stroked them happily, kissing the head of each with more love than she had kissed her white boyfriend in years, lapping up every drop of seed and slurping it into her slutty white mouth. “I love your big black cocks…” “Oh, yeah? I can’t wait to put a black baby inside of you.” Kana grinned unhesitatingly. “Me neither.” The tattooed stud picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, then carried her with ease towards the bedroom. Yes, please! Finally! He threw her down on the bed unceremoniously and lied down next to her. Then he pulled her on top, with her breasts pressing against his hard chest and her eyes staring down into his. He reached back and flipped her skirt. He pulled hard on her panties, the stretched fabric biting into her pussy as it tore apart and snapped. The tearing sounds sent a shiver of terrified glee through Kana’s unexperienced body. She could feel the breeze coming through the open window hitting her drenched and heated pussy. Kana looked down into the piercing black eyes and begged: “Please, fuck me. Breed me. Please!” The ever-gruff tattooed guy only groaned, slapping his heavy cock against her pussy. He rubbed it for a few heavenly seconds against her sensitive lips, then shoved it inside roughly, as if she were an animal used to this sort of treatment. Kana screamed and shuddered, burying her head into his warm chest. Tears of pain welled in her eyes. But she had never felt this good in her life. Fuck me. This really is amazing… How could white girls not go black-only when this was on offer? She only lay on him passively, trying to keep it together while he rammed his cock deep inside her thick white bod. Her cherry had been taken long ago; but it might as well have never happened. Fucking with her fiance or with her dildo put no real pressure on her at all. But now the walls of her pussy stretched to the tearing point, and this magnificent fucking BBC threatened to rip her to shreds. I hope he does, she thought with grim exhilaration. I hope he breaks me down into nothing but a cumdumpster. Being a prized receptacle for his seed was all she could ever wish for. “You’re going to be bred real good.” Kana raised her gaze to see Adisa hovering over them. He brought his cock and slapped it against her face, then squeezed a few more drops of cum into her mouth. “Thank you, sir…” “Are you excited to make a black baby together?” Whenever her fiance brought up the idea of having a baby she only felt revulsion. Dogs were all she ever wanted, and they were infinitely better than some whiny little human. But… But. The idea of growing something inside her that would be a direct result of this moment, that would be a gift from her black masters, and the continuation of their superior line given directly through their seed… “I would love to have your babies,” she confessed. Anything for you. She could feel the black cock hitting regions in her she never even thought existed. Her eyes rolled in her sockets of their own accord as a blast of pleasure nearly knocked her out, her legs quivering as the first true orgasm of her life took her breath away. Her mouth gaped soundlessly as her body exploded in joyous pleasure. In revery for big black cock. Adisa plugged her mouth with his throbbing shaft, sending it down her throat hard enough to make her choke and gag. He laughed and took it out, then slammed it hard against her face a couple of times, making her a mess of spit and cum. Kana could feel him prodding behind her. What are you doing? The answer came soon enough. At first she thought he meant to put it up her ass and she was ready to scream against it. Her ass had never had anything inside, and she doubted she could handle anything as big as his BBC. Instead, he held her steady by the hips, and as his friend slowed down, forced his cock alongside his into her already stretched-out pussy. “No, no, no…” Kana started, panicked, feeling her pussy giving in and burning with agony as it got stretched above and beyond what a white girl could’ve ever taken. “I--” The blow from the tattooed guy almost knocked her out. Her ears rang and she sobbed and as the burn spread over the left side of her face. “Don’t talk,” he ordered in his broken German. “Understand?” “Yessir,” she whispered obediently. Kana didn’t talk. She only screamed. The piercing shriek threatened to leave her voiceless, but the pain was unbearable. She scratched the guy’s shoulders and bit into them, trying to deal with the pressure of feeling both those cocks merging into one and ramming her insides with an almost evil desire to see her fully broken apart. Yet, as the moments passed, the pain slowly went away, replaced instead with blissful pleasure. She wasn’t sure when the moment that spelled the turning point came, but rather than screaming in pain she soon began to pant in pleasure, drooling all over the guy below her and happily getting slapped around for being such a gross and slutty bitch. The tattooed hands wrapped around her neck and squeezed, cutting off her air, then brought her in for a deep french kiss. Her pussy wrapped around the two giant cocks like a comfortable sleeve, not allowing a single drop of their seed to go to waste. She could feel the furnace-like that came from her tummy as they came over and over, dumping hot seed into her womb. “Fuck, yes! Please, fill me up! Let me have your black babies. Let me be a good snowbunny. Pleaaaaseeeee!!!” How could anything compare to this? How could her white fiance ever hope to match up to these black monsters, much less exceed them in pleasuring her? Being used in this brutal way was every girl’s dream. And for a strong alpha male like a black guy to do it to a weak and submissive female like any white girl was just nature’s way. “Do you think your fiance would be proud of you?” asked Adisa. “I don’t know.” Somehow she doubted it. He would probably cry. “He should be. Not just any girl can take two black cocks at once in her pussy. You’re a special kind of slut.” Special? The confirmation of her performance combined with the bursting feeling coming from within her sent a new torrent of pleasure through her. An orgasm so powerful that she cried in joy hit every nerve in her body, lighting up in the fire of cocklust in her eyes and tightening every muscle in service of her two black masters. She shook and drooled with her mouth open like a bitch in heat as her pussy clenched their cocks too tightly for them to escape, keeping them locked in as if she were being knotted and bred at the same time. She laughed and screamed and cooed and mewled as an endless succession of emotions passed too fast for her to make sense of any of them in particular, spinning like a broken slots machine, her consciousness moving in a total haze of conflicting thoughts… There was only one thing Kana could say with certainty… It feels so fucking good… And… Nothing can beat a big black cock… “Fuck me,” she ordered them, working herself up into a beastly frenzy. Her teeth gritted from the pain as she cried. “Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me!” They did, breaking her little white pussy beyond the use of any white guy ever again, making a sloppy mess of it. Kana arched her back in response and shivered as one orgasm after another rippled over her flesh and spasmed deep within the core of her body, her womb receiving every drop of their tasty seed. All she could do was let her tongue loll out in response as she allowed herself to be used and bred like a perfect little snowbunny. Her fiance could hear the animal noises echoing down the staircase as he made his way upstairs. They seemed to be coming from their new apartment but… They couldn’t be, he thought. As he had no key, he knocked on the door. No response. He knocked again. And again. And harder. At last the loud noises ceased for a period. The door opened and Kana appeared, all dressed up for one of her shoots, but with completely disheveled hair and beads of sweat running down her face. “What happened?” he asked. “Oh, I’m just… Struggling to move some of these boxes.” “What about the movers?” She rolled her eyes comically. “Oh, they left!” He couldn’t tell why she seemed so upset and breathless. “They… They were busy. Here!” Kana grabbed a cup from the table and forced it into his hand. Some kind of fizzy drink, with some effervescent addition still bubbling up to the surface. “What’s this?” Her face went white. “Don’t tell me it’s calcium…” “I’m sorry, honey,” she said apologetically, “but you know you gotta take it.” “Right, well… Okay.” Her fiance gulped the drink down reluctantly. He looked around the new place, until he noticed most of the boxes were still piled up. “I thought you did some moving.” “I did! It’s just… a slow process, you know.” He wanted to respond with doubt, but he suddenly felt incredibly sleepy. He could barely talk. His eyes were closing without him. He spotted the couch just moments before losing balance and tottered towards it, crashing down into a deep sleep. He awoke later to a loud banging noise. Outside, he could see that it was dark. Only the mixed light of the city and the moon streamed through the windows. He got up, still groggy, and went to get the door. A hulking, black policeman stood there, accompanied by his white partner and surrounded by a couple of the older neighbors. He flashed a light into his face. “You the guy livin’ here?” “Uhm, yes?” The policeman took a step inside. “Care to explain that noise?” Only now that the banging had stopped could he make out the intense grunting that came from the bedroom. It sounded like some sort of satanic ritual was taking place. “I have no idea…” The policeman shut the door and told his partner to take take care of the neighbors. They went and opened the door to the bedroom together. The sight that her fiance saw took his breath away. His fiancee lay sandwiched between two huge black guys, writhing like a single organism together, all of them completely naked and glistening in the intense beam of the flashlight. “KANA!!” he screamed. “What are you doing?!” She looked up from the scene with a crazed, drugged look on her face. But she smiled. “Baby?” The two guys fucking her made no attempt to stop. If anything, they only fucked her harder now that he entered the room, and Kana moaned joyously in response. Kana… Tears came to his eyes. “Stop it! Stop that right now! You can’t do this! We’re supposed to get married!” “I’m sorry, honey. It” - they pushed deep into her - “just” - her eyes rolled - “feels” - she yelped - “so” - smiled at him - “good.” He rushed towards the bed to stop it all when the policeman grabbed his arms. “What do you think you’re doing?” he asked. “Are you going to assault this nice woman?” “Assault her? She’s my fiance! Look what she’s doing.” “She’s just getting blacked, that’s all,” said the grinning policeman. “You should be expecting it. By the looks of you, you probably can’t satisfy her in any way.” Kana nodded. “It’s true, honey. That’s why... “ Her eyes closed again and her whole body quivered in response to an orgasm. She sighed deeply, the pleasure written all over her slutty face. “That’s why I need to get black bred now.” “No!” he cried. He ran towards the bed again; but this time the policeman twisted him around and slammed him against the wall. “What do you think you’re doing, huh?” He kicked her fiance down with his steel tipped boots until he made no move to stand up anymore. “You sit there and you wait for her to finish. Quietly.” The policeman prepared to leave, but Kana called him over. She looked him up and down with appraising eyes, then reached out and grabbed his cock. “Come by anytime, officer.” He caressed her face in return with a brown hand and slapped her. “Be a good slut in the meantime. Do whatever these guys here tell you. Or else I’ll have to arrest you.” Kana nodded obediently. He left. Her fiance sobbed, slumped against the floor. This can’t be real. This is a nightmare. But as much as he tried, the image wouldn’t go away. She just went on getting fucked by the two black guys. “Why?” he asked her. Kana gave him a long look. “You know w-w-why, d-darling,” she struggled to say. “You’re just so s-small and p-p-p-p…” Another powerful thrust broke her concentration and left her mewling in ecstasy. “If you d-d-don’t stop, I’m l-leaving.” “Please, honey, just try to enjoy… I know you will.” Enjoy it? How could he? Yet, as he came cognizant of his own body and needs, he realized that he was, in fact, incredibly aroused. His hand went down almost with a mind of its own and began to grab at his tiny white cock. “See…” said Kana. “Just enjoy it…” He stroked himself pathetically as he watched these two black men take his fiancee. Wasn’t Kana always a good girl? He thought so. At times he entertained the idea that she could secretly be slutty, but this, this… A few strokes was all it took for him to come, and then he returned to total heartbreak. How could this be happening? How could he go on with things like this? “STOP CRYING!” he heard one of the black guys yell. When he looked up he noticed that the guy stood above him, his gigantic black cock dripping with Kana’s warm juices. As he moved, a few of the drops flew and hit her fiance in the face. “I can’t,” he mumbled. “I just can’t.” Kana came now and crouched before him. “You have to accept this. Otherwise we can’t go on. I’m sorry.” Her whole body was covered in sweat and dried seed, while her breasts and ass were red from all the mauling and ravaging. “You’re such a cunt,” he said. “Go kill yourself.” Slowly, with agonizing pain, he made himself stand up. He didn’t realize his cock was still hanging out of his pants. The two black guys laughed upon seeing it and slapped him in mocking support on the shoulder and apologized. Something flashed. He could see the engagement ring in between her fingers. Kana reached out and dropped it into his pocket unceremoniously. “You keep it now,” she said. “I’m sorry it had to end like this. Maybe you can change your mind. I’ll give you some time.” That their laughter and her dismissal made him hard again left him horrified. He rushed out of the room and fled the apartment in a rush. For two weeks, he didn’t see her at all, nor did anything really change. She went on posting as if nothing had happened and hadn’t even announced their break-up. Maybe she thinks we’re still together. In the meantime, he had watched so many interracial videos and imagined Kana getting fucked so much that he became desensitized to the matter. Either way, she would be getting blacked. At least he could try to enjoy her as well. But the day he went over to talk to her, there was no answer at the apartment. The few neighbors he met told him that the noises had never ceased coming from the apartment, but that the police refused to do anything about it. As he left the building, he saw a whole gang of black guys going upstairs. Probably to her. Then her name change happened. From Kana to Kana Black, officially. With it came the announcement that she would be offering hardcore content once the Patreon hit an enormous sum. He himself donated a lot of the money he planned to use on the wedding ring. Two days later, when the goal was hit, Kana posted new pics of herself. She cosplayed in all of them, but this time, she posed with different black guys that she either made out with or allowed to feel her up. The more money started pouring in, the more she put up. It started with handjobs but worked its way up to blowjob videos soon enough. The whole world could see his pure little fiancee choking on a big black cock. Rather than going down, the new content made her number of followers surge, and the sums being donated by single people outweighed what she sometimes made in a whole month before. Her whole Instagram got taken over by the blacking fever, and along with all the pictures she posted of herself in the company and hands of black guys, Kana quickly began to put up things about white extinction and the superiority of big black cock. The chokers she always wore around her neck were replaced instead by a pet collar with the inscription BBC SLUT. It had been a partnership with some company that focused exclusively on black domination. Many of the girls that followed her and looked up to her soon joined in on it all as well. He tried to message her, to call her, to get through somehow… But Kana seemed to have forgotten that he even existed. The last Patreon goal for the year was so exorbitant that she even made the local news. A hundred thousand euro for her to release a video of her getting blacked. The money came in, but slowly. So slowly that he went out the second day and made a loan for 10k, and quickly donated it to the website. He needed to see his sweet Kana again. And he needed to see her getting blacked. The goal was finally hit. Within the hour, a video went up. It opened with Kana lounging on a chair in the middle of her living room. She wore a white lace leotard that showed her breasts candidly apart from the crossed pasties she wore over her nipples. She smiled at the camera, running a hand nervously through her long hair, the inscription on her collar flashing in the light. “Hello, everyone!” she said in a cute voice, waving towards the camera. “I’m so happy you all donated and made today possible! I hope you’re going to love every moment of this.” “I know you will,” said the gruff voice of the cameraman. Kana looked away shyly and reddened. “I mean, yes…” He reached out and began to stroke her face gently with the back of his hand. His skin was completely black, with stubby and gnarled fingers that showed countless scars. Just what kind of guy is this? her fiance wondered, worried. But his ex seemed more than happy with her black man. She closed her eyes and leaned into his hand, practically purring as a kitty might when touched by her master. Her tongue came out and began to lick quickly at his fingers. “You like that, huh?” “Uh-huh,” cooed Kana. “I love it…” He shoved two fingers into her mouth and got a close-up of her face as she sucked on them obediently. The slutty glimmer in her eyes said it all: she lived to serve black men now - to serve them in any way possible. The black fingers went deep down her throat and choked her, then came out dangling with her spit. Kana only cried out in disappointment: “More!” Instead, the cameraman smacked her hard. “Don’t you talk back! You stupid white whore. Don’t you know that?” “Sorry, sir.” Her fiance couldn’t figure out when she had become this way. Had she always been so submissive deep down? He often feared arguing with her on any topic. But to see her acting in such a subservient way… All to a bunch of African immigrants. The guy grabbed her hair and yanked her back, then ordered her to open her mouth wide and stick out her tongue. “Tell your fans, what are you going to do today?” “I’m going to get gangbanged by some big black cocks.” He grabbed her soft pink tongue and tugged on it, feeling it up between his fingers as if it were only a toy. “And what do you have to say to your fans that don’t want you taking black cock?” “Dat iz da bes.” He released her. “What now?” Kana giggled and licked her full lips. “That it’s the best,” she said quietly, staring at the camera as if it were a secret. Her fiance could almost feel that gaze boring into him through time and sending that message for him in particular. You’re not good enough, her judging eyes seemed to say. You never were, you tiny white dicklet. Now watch me fuck real men instead. And the guys that came in and joined her were real men. Tough, barrel-chested black guys with defined bodybuilding physiques, massive tattooed arms, and the biggest, veiniest cocks her fiance had ever seen. Once again, the camera focused on her face. “With your donations,” Kana explained, “we managed to get the best people we could find and fly them in special.” Not one of the guys spoke a single word of either English nor German. They looked as if they had been dragged from the darkest heart of Africa, for no reason but to come to Europe and properly black a deserving white princess like his fiancee. As Kana spoke to the camera, they begun to rest their cocks on her head and face, covering her up as she declared her love for the patrons. “I can’t wait for you guys to tell me what you think!” Once she was done, they put her on her knees… Kana had looked forward to this moment for some time. The name change and the Instagram pictures weren’t enough. Her brain was on the verge of exploding from all the ideas she got about how to communicate her love for BBC to the world and help it spread among the other miserable white girls of Europe that hadn’t been reached by it yet. She no longer even thought about that loser she used to be with. There was no point. There was no real love without lust, and there could never be real love for men that were such pathetic betas. It really is true, she thought. White guys are finished. But she and her new friends were happy to be at the forefront of white extinction. Nothing made her prouder than to think she would help bring about a better Europe, full of alpha black males that each had his white harem, and supported by hardworking white cucks that would slave away just to be able to watch it happen. But that would have to wait. For now, she closed her eyes and giggled with boundless joy as the African bulls slapped her face with their baton-like cocks. They were told beforehand that they could and should be as rough as possible with her, and Kana wanted to experience that and share it with her loyal patrons. It started quickly enough. One of the guys cupped her face and held her head still as he brought his throbbing big black cock and plunged it straight into the depths of her throat. No warm-up, no mercy, nothing. He pushed until he crushed Kana’s cute nose against the base of his cock. Kana gurgled and smiled as she used her throat to massage his cock. The camera came down and filmed the way the huge dick filled up her throat and bulged dangerously. She struggled to get her tongue out and ran it over his gorgeous, heavy-hanging balls, thinking dreamily of all the hot black seed that waited for her. He held her down by force, enjoying the way her throat spasmed and how the spit mixed with precum dripped from her nose. Tears welled in Kana’s eyes and flowed down her pretty face, running black with her make-up. They’re making a mess of me, she told the camera with her eyes, trying to somehow smile as the black cock spread her jaw so wide that an inch more to his girth might’ve dislocated it completely. Look at how good I’m doing for you, my patrons… The big black cock throbbed powerfully, and Kana could feel the heat of his seed going down into her stomach, filling her up like a good whore. Kana gasped when he drew his cock out, staring up at it in worship as hovered above her face, dripping spit and cum all over her lewd face. But just as she planned to go up and give it a kiss, the second guy yanked her away and stuffed her mouth. The head of his cock pushed against her cheek and made it bulge, while the cameraman crouched down to pet her face and congratulate her on her performance. “You’re doing great,” he said. “Show those white boys what they’re missing.” So she did. She let this cock fill her throat as well and dump its cum inside, but this time she caressed the seed-laden balls. As soon as his dick left her throat, she pushed her face right into his nutsack, kissing it and massaging it with her tongue, letting him know how much she appreciated the opportunity to serve black men. “I love you,” she whispered, barely able to think. “I love you so much.” The guys all laughed, and the others in the group came over to beat their cocks over her face. This time, when the third BBC plunged down the depths of her throat, another guy got down behind her. He felt up her drenched pussy for a couple of seconds, then quickly moved the strip of fabric aside and put his cock deep inside. Kana spit the shaft out to moan: “Ah, fuck! That feels so good, sir!” In return, the guy she was sucking off snapped at her in his African tongue and smacked her face, displeased with the audacity of her behavior. “I’m sorry, sir…” They filled her up from both ends, impaling her on their black rods and massacring her insides with hard thrusts that made her body spasm and leak juices and seed at every opportunity. Kana surrendered to abuse gladly, thrilled to be used in such a way by her black masters. They must really like me, she thought shyly. Her patrons would surely be proud of her for getting them so hard and working up so much seed out of them. Her fiance watched the scene unfold with tears in his eyes and a hand covered in weak cum. How could he allow himself to watch this, or even come to it? But, even as the thoughts rolled through his mind, they were quickly replaced by a new fountain of arousal. He wished now that he could go back and offer Kana enough BBC from day one so that he wouldn’t have lost her. As degrading as it was to have to watch his beloved get gangbanged by some Africans, and as difficult as it might’ve been to be there as it happened, he would’ve preferred it… The camera focused on her ass. It had been smacked relentlessly until it went red, and the black fingers still grabbed onto it roughly as he pushed his huge cock into her tight and vulnerable pussy. A shower of juices came out of her with every powerful thrust while her legs quivered in response and announced her non-stop orgasms. When the camera came to her face, it caught her white, rolled-back eyes as she lost herself in a sea of pleasure. In awe and worship. Her collar said it all. BBC SLUT. And that’s what she had become. Her face glistened with sweat, tears, and seed, as was proper for any snowbunny. The mascara, the eyeliner, the eyeshadow - all of it was plastered all over her face in a total mess. … but Kana couldn’t get enough of it. As the guys took turns exchanging her different holes, she instead reached out and used her hands to stroke the others by turns, not wanting to leave a single second to waste. If she missed the smallest opportunity to please these massive big black cocks, she could never forgive herself. “Please fuck my ass,” she managed to croak between the constant pumping of her throat. “I need it.” But the cameraman gave an order to the guys and they dropped her in the middle of the room. “Look at yourself,” he said. “You’re a mess. How can these guys want to fuck you when you look so bad?” Kana wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly feeling very exposed and vulnerable. Had she screwed up in such a major way? “I’ll go clean myself up…” “No, no, no. You stay there. I have a better idea. Close your eyes and keep your mouth open.” Reluctantly, Kana did as told. Her fiance put a pause to touching himself, just to see if this would really happen. He watched as the first African stud approached and aimed his cock towards her face, and began to piss right into her mouth. Rather than crawl away in horror as he expected, Kana began to smiled and arched her back, using her hands to wash her face with the golden shower that flowed down her body. “T-T-Thank you so much!” she stammered, nearly in tears with emotion. The second guy came up and straight into her throat, making her gargle as it overflowed and came rushing down her chest. Kana massaged her breasts hard, tugging on her nipples, clearly aroused out of her mind. She loved it. She loved knowing that her black masters pissed on her for all the world to see. For it to be recorded forever. This is how a white girl should be treated. And everyone needed to know that. “You still want your assfucked?” the cameraman asked. Did she ever… “Please!” Once they were done pissing on her, he came over and put a leash on her collar, then walked her up to the balcony. He wrapped the leash around the metal bars of the railing, making sure her head would stick through the bars. Kana nearly got sick with vertigo. She could see the heavy traffic down below. However, she soon noticed people from neighboring buildings looking her way. So they would see her too. Her assfucking would be a public spectacle. How wonderful! she thought. Her fiance saw that she still shivered and that the seed dumped inside her womb still poured from her ruined pussy. But Kana reached back and spread her reddened ass, displaying her tight and willing asshole. “We gotta plug you up first,” said the cameraman. And for that purpose, he brought a gigantic studded dildo and slowly forced it inside her pussy. Her fiance could hear Kana’s pathetic mewling as she struggled to take it all just half while dealing with metal studs that must’ve grinded against her insides. What came next surprised him. Rather than any of the black guys approaching her, they instead brought up the largest hound he had ever seen. His fur was short, which allowed a clear glimpse of the bulging muscles underneath. For sure, the dog must’ve been roided up long before to give that unnaturally beefy look. The cameraman came down to show off his cock: a red, swollen instrument of pain that dribbled thick ropes of cum from the tapering tip. The hound came up to lick her asshole, which got a yelp of surprise out of Kana. But if she seemed bothered that it was a dog she showed no sign of it. She instead allowed him to mount her comfortably, despite the scratches, and even helped him bring his deadly cock into her ass. The first part of it entered without issue, but around the midway point, Kana began to breathe heavily and hold the metal bars of the railing tightly, while the Africans helped the dog force the cock in for the rest of the way, ignoring Kana’s agonized screams. With the dog dick lodged inside her asshole, Kana trembled weakly and lowered herself, becoming the real obedient pet. She lowered herself on the brutal dildo - but the leash tugged at her collar and made her choke. No matter, she kept forcing it inside her pussy. Meanwhile, the dog assfucked her violently, scratching her pale and fragile skin. His snout opened. A wild tongue lolled out and dripped, showing just how much he took pleasure in ruining his human prey. Kana could feel herself getting bathed in the dog’s hot drool, while the gigantic cock knotted inside her little white ass. I’m just a pet for these wonderful black men, she thought. To please them and to amuse them. The studded dildo ravaged the walls of her pussy and tore at her insides, but that didn’t matter either. Not so long as they and my patrons enjoy it. Her own tongue came out as she choked herself out and felt her two holes getting destroyed all at once. They’ll all be so proud of me… Her fiance nearly destroyed himself in the process of watching the video as well. He wept and jerked himself until his whole being felt numb. This was the end of the line. This was what Kana had becoming. A white slut to be bred by white men and to convince others to follow down the same route. An example of what a nice, white German girl could become - a vessel for stronger, better black seed. A tool for the upcoming white extinction. He watched as his fiancee dripped with seed from both her holes, filled to the brim, and she finally passed from an orgasm that rippled through her whole body and made her shriek in joyous laughter loud enough to echo down to the streets below. Everyone would know now. That she left him. That she had become a BBC addict. That she would rather fuck a dog than fuck him. To make matters worse, going by the many responses and reposts the video got everywhere, they all approved. “Kana was been made to be blacked.” When even the dog was finished with her, the black studs left her on the balcony lying in a pool of filthy juices, drooling and shivering from the debased treatment that she had received. Kana came and slipped out of consciousness, each time just enough to enjoy the tug of her collar and the orgasms that traveled the whole length of her body. She curled her toes, whimpering with a pleased smile on her face as she felt the flow of hot cum deep inside her womb. Finally… Finally, I’ve been bred. She reached down and scooped up fresh seed on her finger, then brought it lick it off and suck on it like a little girl enjoying candy. It tastes so nice and so sweet. And soon it would come to life inside of her, gifting her a wonderful black offspring that she could show to everyone. Was there anything better than submitting to BBC? Nothing. And to think she had almost gotten married… What a mistake that would’ve been. A terrible mistake. She wondered where the guys and the cameraman had gone. Likely, to breed another eager German girl now that they were here. Ah, at least I was first… Thank you so much, my patrons… she thought happily, carried once again into a sleepy state. I couldn’t have done this without you. Only when she got up the following morning and inspected herself in the mirror, did she notice the Queen of Spades tattoo that been left on her for-now flat tummy. Kana cried intensely, surprised that they could’ve been so thoughtful. She caressed it for a time, dreaming of the next time she would be blacked. Then, she went to grab her phone, excited to share the finding with her loyal followers.

#bbc #story #interracial

12 notes · View notes